#I was thinking of that scene from Malcolm in the Middle

[babygirl-diaz]

Buck: I once tried to mail myself to Australia Ravi: Oh yeah? How did you like it there? Eddie: You actually think he was able to mail himself to Australia? Ravi: Stranger things have happened. Eddie: Like WHAT?

[sprqpointintern]

rip to jackie's face...

[gonzo-rella]

Headcanons: Being the Nonbinary Wilkerson Sibling

MASTERLIST | AO3 | KO-FI

Pride Month 2024 #8

Relationship(s): The Wilkerson Family x nonbinary!Wilkerson!reader (platonic/familial)

Warnings: Coming out scene(s). Hal isn't completely accepting at first, but he's not outright transphobic. And, Ida is her typical self and is transphobic (but nothing is said explicitly). I've tried to make the reader's AGAB ambiguous, but apologies if anything's slipped through the cracks. (Let me know if I need to add any)

(A/N: I have no idea why it's taken me so long to write for Malcolm in the Middle. It's one of my favourite shows and I love these characters so much. I've got an idea for a MitM fic where the reader is Malcolm's best friend and when Malcolm goes away for college the reader befriends and starts dating Reese, so let me know if you'd be interested in reading that, or if you have any other requests you'd like me to write. I'm kind of obsessed with and fascinated by Lois and Francis, so there's a lot of Lois and Francis stuff in this. I'd love to write a follow up/companion piece to this fic, so if you've got any ideas for that, or if you'd like for me to come up with something myself, let me know.)

The first person in your family that you come out to is Jamie.

He can’t talk, or comprehend your words.

So, you get the benefits of finally admitting this thing that’s been weighing on you without it having any true consequence.

You’re babysitting him one day, when everyone else is out, and you say to him:

“Hey, Jamie. I know you have no idea what I’m saying but if I don’t say it soon I’m going to explode.”

He just looks at you blankly.

“I’m nonbinary. So, I’m not a boy like you, and I’m not a girl like mom.”

All you’re met with is another blank stare.

“Yeah, I must be going pretty insane if I’m trying to explain this in a way you’ll understand.”

The next logical choice is Francis.

After all, he’s far away and you don’t see him often, so you don’t have to live with him if he ends up rejecting you.

Not that you expect that from him, as your cool brother who respects pretty much everything that goes against tradition.

You call him one day, when you miraculously get the house to yourself.

“Francis, I need to tell you something.”

“You’re not calling me from jail, are you?”

“No.”

“Then, what is it?”

“I… I’m nonbinary.”

“The thing where you’re not really a boy or a girl?”

“Yeah, that.”

“How’d mom and dad take that one?”

“That’s the thing. I haven’t told them yet. Or Reese, Malcolm or Dewey.”

“So, I’m the first in the family to know?”

“After Jamie, if he counts.”

“Man, I can’t wait to shove that one in mom’s face.”

“Can you keep this to yourself? Until I’ve told them. I mean, you can tell Piama if you want.”

“Of course. I’ve kept worse secrets than this. Not that this is bad.”

“Thanks, Francis.”

“No problem. And, congrats. I think that’s what I’m supposed to say.”

“Uh, thanks, I guess. So… you’re okay with it?”

“Sure. Why wouldn’t I be?”

“Do you think everyone else will be okay with it?”

“If they’re not, they’ll probably come around. But, if they don’t, give me a call, alright?”

He paused, before speaking again.

“Do you like grandma?”

“Ida? Not really. Why?”

“Well, I think that she’d probably have a heart attack if you told her. So… do with that information what you will.”

You tell your family within the next month.

You choose to tell them when you’re having dinner one night.

If a fight breaks out, you figure it won’t be too different to your normal dinners.

Hal looks ever so slightly terrified.

Lois, for once, is at a loss for words, which scares you more than her yelling.

Reese is confused.

Malcolm and Dewey look surprised, albeit not overly shocked.

“What does that mean?” Reese questioned.

“It means…” Malcolm pauses as he looks at you, not sure how to refer to you yet. “You’re not a girl or a boy, right?”

“Yeah.”

“But, you’re a-”

You cut Reese off.

“That’s not how I feel. And… I hope that you can all accept that, or try to accept that.”

Your eyes dart around everyone at the table, then you bite your lip and avert your gaze.

“So… do you think you guys can accept that?”

“Sweetheart-” Hal begins hesitantly, but Lois interrupts him.

“How long have you felt this way?”

Her voice is the most uncertain you’ve ever heard it be.

You can’t bring yourself to look up at her.

“Uh, a while.”

“And, you’re sure about it?”

“Do I have to be?”

“No.”

“Well, I am. Mostly.”

“Okay. Then, tell us what to do and we’ll do it.”

Surprised, you nervously tell your family what pronouns to use, and anything else they need to know.

It feels like such a relief.

Over the next few days, you overhear Reese asking Malcolm questions, but they’re both keeping their voices down so that you can’t make out what they’re saying (but you can infer the questions are about you).

Malcolm and Dewey adjust to the change the quickest.

Lois adjusts pretty quickly, too, no doubt because she’s that stubborn and determined not to slip up.

(Part of you wonders if she’s worried that getting it wrong or do anything to make you feel like you’re not accepted by her or the rest of the family will push you away like Francis)

Reese is trying his best, but he gets it wrong half the time, so Malcolm will make sure to correct him.

You notice that, at first, Hal avoids using pronouns for you as much as possible (and your name, if you asked for them to use a new one), and he has that look where he looks like he’s about to keel over and die, or like he’s having some kind of allergic reaction.

But, as time goes on, and with Lois and Malcolm’s insistence, he will try, and he will realise that all that matters is showing you that he loves you no matter what.

You find that Lois will fight for you in whatever way she can.

She overhears some judgemental mothers in the neighbourhood talking crap about you?

She will give them a piece of her mind.

If you’re still at school, and you want your teachers to use your pronouns (and your new name if you have one), then she will march down to the school and speak to the principal.

Your brothers will stand up for you, too.

Francis has told you to call him if anyone gives you a hard time.

If anyone’s a jerk to you, Reese will either punch them in the face or threaten them.

Malcolm will argue with anyone who gives you a hard time.

Dewey will secretly enact calculated revenge against anyone who upsets you, but will deny it when asked.

When Ida finds out about you, she will show up unannounced, storm into the house and start berating you and Lois.

Malcolm calls Francis, and it isn’t long before he turns up, too.

(Everyone knows that Francis will never turn down the opportunity to argue with someone, especially Lois or Ida)

It brings Francis and Lois together in a rare moment of solidarity, and they will spend hours upon hours in a screaming match with her.

(Somewhere along the line, you get the impression that they’ve all forgotten that the argument started with you at the centre)

Eventually, they’ll manage to get Ida to leave.

You’ll get up in the middle of the night to grab a drink and a snack, and you’ll find Lois sitting at the kitchen table, her head in her hands.

“Hey, Mom? I really appreciate you sticking up for me, but I always knew this wasn’t going to be easy. I can take people being assholes to me. You don’t have to keep standing up for me.”

She looks up at you, her exhaustion evident, but she’s still able to keep herself together, somehow.

“Honey, the world’s a cruel place, and it beats this family down enough without adding that gender stuff onto it. But, if that’s who you are, I’m not letting you face this alone. What kind of a mother would I be if I didn’t fight tooth and nail for you to be able to exist like everyone else?”

[hazelnut-u-out]

Do you think about the whole Rick Prime thing? Did it kinda feel anticlimactic???

Yeeahhhhhh, but... I think that's the point!

At first, I was a little bit disappointed with how they handled the arc. I really thought Prime was going to be the Big Bad! Having the whole climax of C-137's arc with Prime as a mid-season episode felt oddly... dismissive? It was like it wasn't even a major event.

After sitting on this for a bit, I think I actually love how they've handled it. I think this is the first time I've really seen the show take something that perfectly fills a 'Television Run' format (i.e. big events at the ends of the seasons for cliffhangers, and so on) and subvert those expectations into something more like 'Real Life.' In my opinion, a lot of the show is shown as how characters involved view the events, especially in terms of tonality. That's why so much of the show fits these media formulas-- Rick views his life as a show.

I often refer to the majority of the show as 'Rick's Director's Cut' because we get events skewed from his warped perception of his own actions. (You can even think of 'Morty's Mindblowers' as Rick literally editing footage into a better story.) Of course, we see why he's sympathetic. As the viewer, we understand why he's doing what he's doing, even if we don't agree with it. He views himself as the 'sitcom dad'-- comically fucked up and abusive, but secretly caring. Rick believes that he's got just enough heart for his actions to be excusable, forgetting that the people he hides his intentions from aren't getting the 'full picture' like the viewer is. From Morty's perspective, Rick does these things for no reason-- unless you count not liking, caring about, or valuing Morty. Of course, we know that's not the case, but Morty doesn't. His family doesn't.

The Prime arc is fascinating to me because of the contrast between how Rick viewed it versus how it happened from the perspective of the viewer. Rick went into the Prime arc thinking it would be a massive, badass epic where the underdog comes out on top and the audience is satisfied with the conclusion. As the audience, this is probably the first time we haven't really been able to click with that, you know? It was unsatisfying, even for Rick, and now he's sort of saddled with, 'Oh, shit. This is real life. What comes next?'

Sure, they're little guys on our television screens. To them, though... that's real life. Real life is messy. Real life is unsatisfying. Real life is disappointing, the editing is sloppy, arcs aren't linear, and dysfunction and substance abuse aren't silly character traits.

The whole point is: What happens now?

In real life, what happens after your abusive parent passes away or you finally get revenge on the person who tore your life apart? In real life, what happens after you beat the shit out of the guy who assaulted you? Or after your dad apologizes for walking out on you?

There's actually a Malcolm in the Middle scene reminiscent of this concept. Francis was blamed by Lois from the time he was born for ruining their relationship. Throughout the entire series, his arcs deal with their broken relationship. When she finally apologizes, the pinnacle of his hopes and dreams-- the only thing keeping him alive, it doesn't help. It doesn't fix the years of psychological abuse he suffered, or the fact that he's as broken as he is because of her failure as a parent.

Another great example is in Adventure Time, when Finn thinks he's ripped Martin's arm off for causing him to lose his own. The revenge doesn't help. (Sorry, not digging for a link to the scene lmao.)

Those things aren't satisfying on their own. The fantasies and daydreams we barter through aren't feasible cures. That's real life. What happens afterward is what you do next. That can be a tough pill to swallow. There's no quick 'fix-all' for everything that's fucked you up. What helps? Hard work. Dedication. Time. Therapy. Grief. Acceptance.

Rick never really worked through the grieving process, you know?

There was Denial and Anger:

And where he got stuck... Bargaining:

After Prime's death? Depression:

Four decades later, we're finally on the cusp of Acceptance.

That's what that look into the hole was. That's what putting up Morty's picture was. That's what choosing to walk away was.

Acceptance.

In conclusion of my long-winded rant, I liked the Prime arc. Fits nicely into the season after the finality of 'Fear No Mort.'

Well done, writers.

Thanks for asking! <3

[sunny44]

I’m home

Pairing: Mason Mount x mom!reader

Warnings: none, just cute stuff

Summary: Mason comes home for his girls after being away for a while.

I had been away for a month now, I had a few games in a row and a lot of training.

And now I was coming home missing my wife and my daughter.

Sophie Isabel Mount was the sweetest little girl of all, she was daddy's little girl for sure.

Y/n and I have been dating for four years, after two years of relationship we found out that she was pregnant.

At first it was terrifying, we were certainly not prepared for it.

It was something that we wanted eventually but not at the time it happened.

The first few days it was strange, Y/n did the pharmacy test and it was the only result we had at the time, so until we actually went and saw the ultrasound it was like it wasn't real.

Y/n by the time she saw the ultrasound immediately started to cry, I was still ecstatic and it didn't really hit me until that same day, but was in the middle of the night.

I was rolling around in bed unable to sleep, I spent most of the night imagining myself being a father, how my sister always told me that I would be a great father, especially if it was a girl.

The good thing about my sister having Summer was that I could practice changing diapers and get more or less a sense of what it would be like.

And that's where I burst in tears, Y/n woke up scared by the fact that I was crying at three in the morning and that's where I told her it was because we were having a baby.

As soon as I opened the door to the house, I took off my sneakers and changing to my flip-flops and putting my training things on the floor.

“I'm home” I said out loud and then I heard fast footsteps running through the house.

“Daddy” she screams and I bent down to her height taking her in my arms “I missed you”.

“ I missed you too sweetheart”.

“You took a long time to come back”.

“I know baby, sorry for that” she hugs me tight.

“I don’t want you away never again.” She says.

“I know baby and I’m sorry for that, your going everywhere with me now. I’m putting you in my suitcase.” She starts laughing.

“And what about mommy?”

“We can bring mommy with us.”

“Ok then.” She says and kiss my nose with her nose “Can we go to the park with Malcolm?”

That is the name of the golden retriever we gave her when she was a baby, they are best friends.

“Yes we can, where's mommy?”

“She is outside, we are bathing the flowers.

Sophie and Y/n had a garden in the back of the house where they took care of the flowers, there were many flowers and even some vegetables.

It was one of the activities my girlfriend does with our daughter, she made a whole schedule of activities for the week to develop her creativity, and also because it is one of the few things that keeps her mind off from thinking too much about me since when I am away she cries a lot because she misses me.

“Let's go see mommy then" I took her in my lap and we went to the back.

And there she was, barefoot on the grass, wearing a loose flowered dress and some waves in her brown hair.

“Hi love” she dropped the hose on the ground and came to me “I missed you so much”.

“I missed you too” I kissed her.

“Ew” I laughed with my lips still close to hers.

“Ew what, young lady” I said, patting her belly “Let's finish helping mommy to bath the plants and then we can go to the park and walk with Malcolm.

“And then pizzaaaaaa”. We shouted in celebration and went to bath the plant.

And I was more than happy to be home.

Bonus scene!

Masonmount instagram post

Liked by @Debbiemount, @Y/nmount, @Reecejames and others 817208

Tagged: Y/nmount

Masonmount there’s nothing better than coming back home and seeing my girls bathing their flowers 🌸

@Y/nmount you should bath the flowers with us next time

@Masonmount I need a baby boy to play football with me, what do you say?

@Y/nmount maybe yes, maybe not

@Debbiemount oh I love those cute faces

@Y/nmount we love you too granny debs

@reecejames you have to bring her to training

@masonmount I won’t because she forgets about daddy when she sees her football uncles

@lovelymase we love baby mount so much, they both look very cute

[petercapaldi-press]

INTERVIEW

Exploring new avenues

2007

Peter Capaldi is best known for playing ferocious spin doctor Malcolm Tucker in the BBC political comedy The Thick of It, but now he is turning his hand to another kind of humour - a farce on stage. He tells Nick Smurthwaite about Absurdia

[transcript under the cut]

For most actors, no matter how talented or versatile, the onset of middle age normally brings with it typecasting and the death of professional adventure. For Peter Capaldi, it has brought him the role of a lifetime.

His dazzling portrayal of Malcolm Tucker, the foul-mouthed, apoplectic spin doctor in Armando Iannucci's political sitcom The Thick of It, has raised Capaldi's game in a way he didn't think was possible in his mid-forties.

"I'd got to the stage where I was doing nice parts in Midsomer Murders and Waking the Dead," he explains, "but nobody was asking me to do anything different or difficult.

"The whole process of making The Thick of It was completely different from anything I'd experienced before. I suddenly found myself in a working environment where everything was dangerous and scary."

In most TV drama or comedy, the position of the camera determines the blocking of the scenes. In The Thick of It there is no blocking, the cameramen simply follow the actors around.

"We don't rehearse, so nobody really gets the hang of what's going on, giving it that chaotic feel. We can go off in a different direction both physically and verbally; which is both tough and incredibly liberating. We've done takes of 45 minutes long."

Capaldi suspects Iannucci deliberately creates a "pressurised, neurotic, wrong-footing atmosphere" to keep the actors on their toes and help them become their characters.

Does he find Tucker's rage and bile easy to access? "Easier than I thought," he smiles. "I think it must have something to do with my age, but obviously it is my job as an actor to bring it all to the boil. It would be boring if he was shouting at people all the time, so I try to make him cunning, to give him quieter, pressure cooker moments. I prefer it when he is hatching some mad Machiavellian strategy to extricate himself from another impossible situation.

"I can't praise the writers too highly. The actors all found it difficult to improvise at first, because the scripts were so brilliant. Also, if you're going to improvise, it has to be funny and in character, otherwise it doesn't work. But the adrenaline carries you along. It's a powerhouse once we get going.

Coincidentally, only four years before The Thick of It arrived on the scene, Capaldi was involved with another New Labour satire, Feelgood, by Alastair Beaton, in which Henry Goodman played a Tucker-like spin doctor, clearly modelled on Alastair Campbell, while Capaldi was his cowering speech writer.

That was Capaldi's last foray on to the London stage, clearly not his natural habitat. Now he is returning in Absurdia, a trio of one-act comedies at the Donmar Warehouse, consisting of two old ones by NF Simpson and a new one by Michael Frayn. Why bother, I ask, when his work in TV is going so well?

"You do it for the challenge, the stretch," he replies. "Generally in TV, you are employed to do what you are known for doing best. Here I'm doing things I've never done before, a lot of mime and movement. The Frayn play is about staging a farce in the middle of the desert, generated entirely in the imaginations of the two characters, with no props. I've never done mime before, so it remains to be seen if it works."

A former art student who cites the Pythons as a major influence, Capaldi has dabbled rather successfully in 'absurdia' of his own. Twelve years ago, he picked up an Oscar in the Best Short Film category for Franz Kafka's It's a Wonderful Life, with Richard E. Grant as Kafka, which Capaldi wrote and directed. Once nominated, he suddenly found himself propelled into an alien world of Hollywood development deals and heavy duty schmoozing.

"The truth is, I went to Hollywood after the film was nominated and didn't know what to do when I got there," he says. "I was an actor, not a director, so it was all very strange and scary. The money men were hardly going to give me $80 million to play with, because they could see I wasn't anywhere near experienced enough."

He did, however, manage to sell a feature-length screenplay even before the Oscars took place. But the fact that he wasn't interested in becoming a director of blockbusters cramped his style as a bright young hopeful. He just wanted somebody to give him half a million to go away and do his own thing.

"I went to art school, so my whole creative ethos is about expressing myself in images. I didn't make a little film in order to make bigger ones. I just like the idea of making little films in which i can express myself."

For some years now he has been trying to get his third project as writer-director off the ground (the second, Strictly Sinatra, was a disappointment). It is called The Great Pretender and it has four parts for Ewan McGregor. While Capaldi doesn't see any problem persuading his fellow Scot to do it - he says he is already committed 100% - there are money problems to sort out.

"I know it will be really easy to make and we're all ready to go," he says wistfully. "But the problem with making your own films is that you end up spending all your time trying to blag the money. I'm really not interested in that side of it at all, but unfortunately I have to do it in order to get the thing made. I loved Kafka, looking through the camera and seeing this little world we were creating take shape, but I don't think it will ever be like that again because of the size and nature of the project and the number of friends I had working on it."

Taking his cue from the style of The Thick of It, Capaldi has written what he describes as a "pseudo documentary" biography of a fictional celebrity for TV which he hopes will go into production later this year.

While he is proactive when it comes to writing and generating his own projects, Capaldi the actor is content to sit back and wait for the phone to ring. "I don't know any actors who decide what roles they want to play and then go chasing after them," he says, when I suggest that The Thick of It might have given him more clout to pick and choose his roles. "My knowledge of the theatre isn't broad enough to be able to say, I'd like to play such and such a role.

"I agreed to do Absurdia because I liked the material and I'm a great admirer of Douglas Hodge, the director. You have to be nuts about the play you're doing because the theatre pays so badly and it takes up six months of your life.

"The worse thing is going into a job where, two weeks into rehearsals, you realise the director you thought was wonderful is crap. You're stuck with a sadistic egomaniac, you realise the whole thing is going to be a disaster, and there is nothing you can do about it."

He doesn't say so, but I get the strong impression he doesn't have those Tuckeresque feelings about Hodge and Absurdia.

Absurdia is playing at the Donmar Warehouse until September 8

[stilliwait]

So I'm writing a Varric x Fem!Hawke fanfic...

I'm REALLY struggling to figure out a title for it though. It's going to be long, spanning from Hawke's childhood all the way to post-Trespasser. I have a rough outline of how I want it to go, but a title is tricky. SO I'm posting the beginning of the story here to see if I can get some inspo from ya'll. It's like the first 1/3rd of chapter one, though I'm open to cutting it here if anyone thinks this would be a good stopping point. I haven't published anything I've written in the better part of a decade, and I'm rusty.

Things to note pre-reading:

I've rewritten the canon slightly. Marian Hawke is a twin to Garrett Hawke, and they shoulder the burden of Champion together. The children all grew up in Kirkwall before Bethany's magic manifested and they had to run for Ferelden. Bethany and Carver both survive the trip back to Kirkwall.

Marian and Varric will, obviously, end up together, but it's a slow-ish burn. Still deciding how I want the story to flesh out in terms of timing on some of the scenes I've written, but they'll probably get together in secret pre-Deep Roads.

Varric's nickname for Marian is Rosie because she's thorny on the outside (with sarcasm) but soft on the inside. Rosie is when she's being a jackass, Rosebud for when she's showing her sweet and vulnerable side, which is rare.

Okay, thank you and happy reading! I will be posting this to AO3 eventually, but not without a title.

The Hawke children were always told magic ran in their family. With a mage for a father and a mother who’s ancestry held many mages as well, it wasn’t a surprise when one of their children was born with magic, though their father always joked that it ‘had to be the youngest’.

Maybe magic ran in their family, but Marian thought twins must too.  How else could someone explain two sets to the same parents?  First came herself and Garrett, older than her by two minutes.  They split the burden of being the eldest child, with Garrett shouldering the brunt of the family burden, and Marian housing all the guilt.  As they got older, she joked he had sucked all the energy from their mother, and that was why he sprang up over six feet tall, and she barely made it past five.  They both had a penchant for recklessness, though Marian was the first to point out flaws in a plan - ever cautious - while Garrett liked to run head-first and ask questions later.

Then came their younger siblings; Carver and Bethany.  Carver seemed to house all the middle child issues - brash, quick to anger, always trying to one-up Garrett with his competitiveness.  He was also the best at calming their mother when any fights happened, and his devotion to his own twin was unparalleled.  Bethany was born sunshine incarnate, and Carver did his best to protect his little sister from the horrors of the world. They all did. Bethany was the perfect youngest child, all smiles and joy and fun.  She could charm a Qunari if she tried hard enough, and she gave her kindness like a gift to everyone around her.  Marian wished she was more like her.

That’s how they survived fleeing Kirkwall as children; Bethany’s kindness.  Marian had grown up in the Amell estate with her siblings, and parents.  The story she was told by Leandra was thus:

Her grandparents were angry - Code for utterly pissed according to Garrett - that their mother had thrown away her engagement to Guillaume de Launcet, a Comte’s son no less, to be with a Circle Mage.  They were furious when they found out Gamlen had helped the couple be together out of love for his sister and her happiness.  Eventually, when Leandra wrote to them letting them know she was with child, they welcomed her home, their father Malcolm in tow.

Marian’s earliest childhood memories were of the estate.  Her grandparents doted on herself and Garrett with unabashed affection, and she remembered them even acting warm to her father.  Her grandmother Bethann would make cookies with her in the kitchen, smearing flour on the both of them as they laughed, and the cook would shake her head at them and pretend the cookies were delicious before secretly swapping them for an edible batch.  Her grandfather Ariside spent hours with her and Garrett in the library, teaching the twins to read and telling them stories of dragons and heroes and true love’s kiss. Her mother was happy to live in society, and her father did well for himself, working for her grandfather and hiding from the Templars.

When Bethany and Carver came along, it seemed that joy would continue.  “Two sets of twins!” her grandmother would exclaim to anyone they met.  “How did we get so lucky?!”  Despite the five-year age gap between them, Marian and Garrett adored their younger siblings, teaching them to walk and talk, and sneak treats whenever they were left to their own devices.  When the younger twins were toddlers, and she and Garrett were nearly ten, their grandfather started teaching them about martial weapons, just to pass the time and give their unending energy a healthy outlet.  He was pleased when they both threw themselves into it, spending hours sparring with wooden daggers, and even more thrilled when Marian showed promise in archery, his favorite pastime.

But with all joy comes strife, and the Hawke family was no different.  Bethany was six when her magic manifested, to the horror and shock of her grandparents.  Malcolm was heartbroken for his daughter.  There were only two choices for the family of a mage too young to control their power: Turn her in to The Circle, or go into hiding.  The Hawkes chose the latter, unable to part from their daughter.

Marian remembered leaving her grandparents home in the night, with tears down her face and her twin’s hand in hers, a promise from their grandparents that this was not forever, and they could come home soon.  That was the first time Garrett came up with a secret code, just for the two of them.  In the hold of the ship they boarded to Ferelden, he silently squeezed her hand three times, a stoic look on his young face, a silent I love you to his sister.  It was a promise between the siblings that they would survive this and come out okay on the other side.

They ran for months before finally settling on the outskirts of Lothering, a small but solid home waiting for them. Marian never thought to ask how they were able to secure such a place so close to a village, but as she got older she assumed her grandparents may have had something to do with it. It just made her miss them more.

Their father started tutoring Bethany, and Carver became jealous at how much time Malcolm devoted to the young mage.  Marian and Garrett did their best to distract him, dragging him to the local Chantry and asking the Templars and soldiers to teach them how to fight.  Carver was nine when he first held a shield, and the elder twins couldn’t have been prouder. He was a fighter like them, and the three of them sparred regularly, practicing the knowledge the villagers gave them.  As the years wore on, the militia became more and more impressed with them, and started to give the three ideas of joining the army.

When the children grew into teenagers, the Templars started to take notice of their little family, particularly their youngest daughter.  Marian did her best to distract the young men with her wit, charm, and no small amount of flirting. While Bethany never knew exactly why the Templars never took her in, Garrett quickly figured out what his sister was doing and was horrified.  He threatened several of the men within an inch of their lives, and they left the family alone.  Bethany started spending more time in the Chantry, much to their mother’s chagrin and anxiety, and she befriended the Sisters and Brothers of the church.  Her sweet voice singing the chant and her sparkling eyes when they read religious stories made her endearing, and if anyone noticed there was something special about her, they said nothing.

For a time, the family knew peace in their little village. But peace did not last for Hawkes for long.

When the family’s fourteenth summer in Lothering ended, so too did Malcolm Hawke’s life.

No one was quite sure what the illness was that took him, but it was quick, and it was devastating.  Leandra was broken at the loss of her beloved husband, and could hardly get out of bed.  Bethany cried for days after his pyre was burned, scared of being the lone mage of the family.  Carver retreated into himself, anger and guilt plaguing his features.  He barked at anyone who tried to talk to him besides his twin for weeks before settling into a resigned state.  Marian and Garrett both mourned quietly, taking care of their family in lieu of talking about (or even acknowledging) their feelings on the matter.  They kept the family fed, kept their mother from caving in on herself, kept Carver from starting too many fights in town.  Slowly, they pieced together their small lives, and Leandra began talking about returning to Kirkwall when they were able.  Surely if Malcolm could hide from Templars in plain sight, Bethany could too? None of her children agreed though, for their grandparents had long passed away, and the idea of returning to their ancestral home without the people that made it so was too painful so close to their father’s passing.

Life went on. A new sister joined the local Chantry, her lilting Orleasian accent so different and beautiful, and it was a big deal in such a small village.  Marian gravitated towards the girl, both for her sweet personality and her red hair, so similar to her own they could be siblings. Leliana was a breath of fresh air in the family’s life, and they often went to town to spend time with her, though she and Marian quickly became fast friends.  They would talk about the world around them, the Maker (Marian was skeptical and they had many kind-hearted debates), and even mage rights, though the latter was tip-toed around.  Marian knew her friend was observant, and it didn’t surprise her when Leliana made the occasional comment about Bethany.  But the secret was kept, and a strong friendship forged.

The girls would practice archery together, a surprising delight for Marian.  She hadn’t had anyone to shoot with since her grandfather in Kirkwall, and getting to learn how someone else pulled a bowstring and aimed the barrel was a welcome distraction from the stress of her day-to-day life.  Garrett would occasionally join in, Bethany even less so, and both were far inferior in skill to the red-headed girls.  They would laugh good naturedly, and Marian tried to help her brother improve where she could, but he was hopeless with anything that wasn’t a blade.  Carver continued to practice swords and shields with the local militia, and she caught him staring longingly at her friend more than once. If Leli noticed, she did not let on, but Marian kept an eye on his crush. She would kill her brother if he ruined the one friendship she had outside her family.

Three years passed, and the two sets of twins fell into their proverbial roles in the family.  Marian was the caretaker, making sure they had enough to eat and their home was relatively clean. Bethany was the peace keeper, smoothing over any fights and tiffs they had and charming the village into forgetting her potentially magical aura.  And the boys continued to hone their martial skills, until one day news of a potential Blight reached their ears.  Garrett and Carver were conscripted in the army, with Marian staying behind to protect their mother and sister.  She would never admit it, but the idea of war made her stomach churn.  Killing animals for food or bandits to protect her family was one thing, but monsters?  She wasn’t so sure she could keep her sanity in the face of darkspawn.

The day before her brothers left, Marian pulled her twin aside.  She and Garrett rarely tried to push their family into doing what they wanted, but in the face of a Blight desperate times called for desperate measures.  The evening found the siblings on the roof, laying back to look at the stars as they spoke.

“How hard do you think it’ll be to keep Carver alive on a battlefield?” Garrett asked, trying to spot the constellations their father had taught them.

“The most hard-headed man alive? I give you ten minutes before he tries to run at an ogre,” Marian drawled, lifting his hand to point to Tenebrium, their favourite set of stars.  It laid out above them in the shape of a great owl, though Marian always argued it more closely resembled a hawk.  “Do try to keep him from running head-first into danger, won’t you?”

Garrett shook his head at his sister, a smirk perched on his lips. “That’s like asking me to keep him from nailing Bethany’s braid to the bed posts.” They both snickered at countless memories of Carver doing just that, and Bethany shooting ice at his feet in retaliation.  When the laughter died down, a serious silence stretched between them, and Marian felt her brother lace his fingers through hers.

“What do we do if the Blight comes here?” she asked quietly.  She’d tried to bring it up before, but Garrett couldn’t be swayed.

“It’s not going to come here,” he said, rolling his eyes. “I’m not even sure this is a real Blight, no one’s even seen a dragon yet!” He had a pout on his face, like not seeing a dragon was somehow a personal offense to him, and Marian’s hand twitched to smack him, resisting only because he was leaving early the next morning.

“Garrett, I’m serious! We need a plan! Where do we meet up if something happens? I know you’re stupidly confident, but we’re Hawkes.” Her voice was quieter now, a little sadness peeking through.  “Shit seems to find us wherever we go.  I don’t want to be separated from you just because we didn’t discuss something.”  She felt Garrett shift beside her, and turned her head to face his, taking in his somber expression.

“I don’t know Mare, honestly.  Where could we go if a Blight was truly upon us? Denerim, I suppose, though I hear it smells like shit.” He still had a teasing lilt in his voice, and she tried not to huff that he wasn’t taking her seriously.

“Fine, don’t help me plan. All it’ll mean is you’ll be scrambling to find us when the world falls apart,” she sniped, annoyed.  Garrett reached over and ruffled her hair with his free hand, getting a squawk in return as she slapped his hands away.

“You worry too much, little sister.  Nothing bad is going to happen to us or our precious little village. Just breathe, spend time with your Chantry friend, and try not to get into any trouble while we’re gone. We’ll be back before you know it.” He was grinning at her, his tongue slightly sticking out between his teeth.  Marian pinched his side in retaliation, earning a yelp from him.  She tried to stay annoyed, but it was hard to be mad at her other half.  Mostly she was nervous. They’d never been apart for more than a few days, and the idea of him being gone for weeks with only Carver for company terrified her, both for his safety and sanity.

She deflected from her worries, ever the Hawke. “Stop calling me little sister Garrett, you’re two minutes older. It barely counts.”  She poked at him again, but he caught her hand in his and held it tightly. Three squeezes.

“I love you too, you prat,” she teased, and the two fell into companionable silence, watching the stars above them.

[thealogie]

q&a report q&a report (late but better than never) q&a report i didn't catch quiiiite everything in detail but i did my very best

we got: dt ros watt (malcolm) jatinder singh randhawa (porter) cal macaninch (banquo) casper knopf (fleance, the kid actor) alasdair macrae (musician, murderer) annie grace (gentlewoman, musician) and i think? kathleen macinnes (singer)

the last three people all shuffled in a bit apart from each other after the round of everyone introducing themselves by name and character was already over so i'm not sure i caught them all accurately. i'll refer to people by first names

during the introduction round i think casper started introducing himself and got kid applause so the audience ended up giving every single person a sped up little round of applause like a cute lil call and response rhythm between introduction - applause of very specific short length which was kind of funny. the cast joined in for each others as well and everyone made funny faces while applauding.

most questions were asked by the moderator

question: What did you think about the production when they first heard about it? cal was confused but intrigued. a lot of "not sure how it was going to work or feel like". when david and cush got on it the binaural audio wasn't yet firmly part of the concept but he was intrigued by the approach through trauma and how that affects the macbeths' relationship.

question: Wow was it for them with the binaural audio knowing the experience is different for the audience? what do they think? dt: we don't quite now how it comes together. the sounds are all cued off us actors, not the other way around. all i know is without Laura we would be fucked! (Laura = live sound mixing person) ros: we never quite know how it sounds for the audience, we were able to put on headphones and experience scenes we're not in in rehearsal, but i want to watch the whole thing! the cue speakers have some stripped down sounds and music that are relevant for the actors. but the audio choices enabled us to create intimacy jatinder: i think it makes the audience better able to relate to mental health struggles and trauma, giving what happens in the characters heads into your heads and relate it to your own experience. i think everyone here in the room has some of their own experiences with mental health and… voices in their head

question to the musicians: how does your work add to the concept and experience? kathleen (i think mostly, but the other musicians might also have weighed in): music enables us to place the text in a very Scottish place, but without getting in the way of the text. The headphones make it possible that it mixes with all the layers, balancing between music, sounds and lines is possible thanks to the technology. you can have loudly, energetically played music but then mix it at a level where it doesn't interfere with lines, when usually you would have to play quietly to let the text come through, which creates a different atmosphere. kathleen: i was advised to sing when nobody is speaking and turn that to humming when somebody is. so it was also very useful to have the glass box and always see what is happening on stage.

question about the porter scene: how did that come to pass, especially making a more modern version out of it? jatinder: decided together with max to just play it and see where it goes, starting with improvisation and then fleshing it out. there was an interest in finding a modern equivalent to the original jokes that audiences would perceive in a similar way as audiences back then would have related to the original jokes. the scene purposefully takes a bit of the intensity out - basically an emotional intermission in the middle of this really intense and dark journey. but my job was also in the end of the scene to bring the audience back into it.

question to david: What makes you come back to the big parts? dt: Well, Max had a good idea and I like Max. I liked the idea of the themes of PTSD and child loss and I like the donmar warehouse. i performed here 20 years ago, which is remarkable because i'm in my mid twenties right now! (laughs all around). there's something a bit magical about this space and doing an olympic event of a part like this one in this intimate of a space.

audience member question to Casper (kid): What is your favorite bit of the play? casper: my favorite bits are the murdering… or the attempt to murder. (laughs all around) But no, seriously. I like scenes where I'm not being killed and I'm having a conversation with someone that's not about death. different cast member (not sure who): -Is- there even a scene like that? (everyone laughs) dt, turning to Casper kind of conspiratorially: My favorite bit every night is the audience's reaction to your neck getting broken. (raised eyebrows, nodding to the audience with a wide grin) That's always something.

audience member question: Do you notice the audience being different in any way with the headphones compared to your experiences in other plays? different cast members answer in bits and pieces (sometimes i have a vague memory who it was…) ros: with the headphones sometimes people are louder, sometimes i feel like you are more connected and zoned in on us! maybe because you don't have the opportunity to talk to your neighbor maybe… somebody else: i feel like it's very quiet and there is somehow less coughing than usual. (laughs around) i don't know why that is!!

audience member question: What other productions of macbeth influenced this one: [here be the the answer part with david's ian mckellen impression, see the other post] musicians (i think annie): we came straight, literally no break, from the RSC's macbeth production so we really had to empty our brains. there was no break in between, but the music is very different and Max's vision also very different, so we really had to unlearn parts

audience member question: The physical theatre stuff, the witch swarm, how did that come about? ros: We really tried to think more of what would be a physical representation of the voices in somebody's head. Everybody in Macbeth's life is watching, taunting, staring at him. It was always more about the intention of the movement, what these voices want to do to him and less what the movement itself is.

THANK YOU for transcribing all of this. I love getting an explanation for what the swarm of witches were meant to represent! It really did feel like a dance/feeling more than a literal scene and it’s fun to know that was sort of the intent. (Also the neck snapping bit - I also loved the audience’s reaction to that every night.)

[alittlepudge-neverhurtnobody]

kinktober #24

Ritual 🫀 / Wardrobe Woes 👕 (both!)

Ethan flops back on the chaise longue with a groan, one hand resting on the mound of his stomach beneath his waistcoat. “Oh, god,” he says, letting out a rumbling belch. “Excuse me, Miss Ives. Those men at the club know how to eat.”

“Oh, do they,” says Vanessa, closing her novel around a bookmark and getting up to perch on the edge of the chaise next to him. His eyes are closed, eyelashes resting long against his plump cheeks, and his face is flushed pink with effort. He’s been attending the fat men’s club in Chelsea for a few weeks now, and each time he returns to Grandage Place, he makes a similar scene for Vanessa. She’s quite sure it’s genuine, if the labor of his breathing and expansion of his waistline is anything to go by, but she appreciates his dedication to including her in his fun. 

“What was dinner tonight?” she asks, thumbing his straining buttons and gently undoing them. She’s taken to keeping a blanket draped over the back of the chaise to pull over Ethan should Sir Malcolm or Sembene come down to investigate the fuss, lest they think her indecent for exposing him so.

Ethan groans again, as if even the thought of dinner is enough to add more weight to his stomach. “So much. I wish I could bring you along, you’d just faint. There were chicken vol-au-vents, to start, and a beef consomme. Shrimp — I guess you’d call them prawns — in some herby sauce, I forget what it was.” He stifles another heavy belch in his fist. “Sorry. I’m so stuffed I can barely think.”

“You poor thing,” Vanessa soothes, rubbing gently at his overtaxed middle. “I’m sure it was irresistible.”

Ethan’s softening jaw doubles as he bobs his head. “Oh, cooked to perfection, all of it. Even well-seasoned. I had half a mind to go bother the cook about showing me how to make them myself.” He hiccups, a little whine chasing the sound. “And that’s not the half of it. There was curried lobster and rice, roasted pork with stuffing, mutton and vegetables, all with mashed potatoes and kale. Everything drowned in — hic — cream and butter and lard. Oh, and Yorkshire pudding. I thought I was going to burst, and that was before dessert and cheese.”

Carefully, demurely, Vanessa untucks his shirt from his trousers and unbuttons his fly to give him a bit more breathing room. “I’m certain they didn’t skimp on either.”

“Oh, no. Each table had a cheese plate the size of that coffee table. I don’t know how I was still eating, but I managed a lot of it. And plenty of — urrrp — dessert. Battenberg cake, bread and butter pudding, sponge pudding with syrup, trifle with plums … I could barely waddle to my carriage by the end of the night. And I — hic — think I need to get my pants let out again. These are starting to get snug.”

Vanessa, doing everything in her considerable power to keep her hands from slipping beneath his undershirt to feel the plush give of his skin and hard bloat of his stomach, swallows with effort. “You must have one of your companions refer you to a tailor used to working with men of size. I rather think the one we usually see has tired of our antics.”

Vanessa has accompanied Ethan to have his clothes let out on several occasions already, puffing up with increasing pride at the tailor’s increasingly snide remarks about how well-fed he must be. As perversely satisfying as it is for her, it can’t be altogether pleasant for Ethan, especially at the rate at which he’s been gaining weight — and, she hopes, the rate at which he’ll continue. His soft stomach sags over his waistband now, hugged on either side by his braces — suspenders, Ethan calls them — and his hips and thighs have widened into what she can only describe as a pear shape. Even his upper arms strain the sleeves of his shirts, and from what she’s gathered, he looks most comfortable in the soft, less structured clothes he sleeps in, fewer snug seams to bite into his plump flesh.

Ethan raises his head slightly, his warm brown eyes heavy-lidded. “Actually, I was going to ask you about that.”

“About finding a tailor?” she asks, tracing circles on his stomach over his undershirt.

“No, about — maybe this is foolish, I’m not sure.” 

Vanessa, curiosity piqued, cocks her head. “Yes?”

“I wanted to ask you,” he says, stomach jumping with a hiccup, “if that’s something you could do, with your … abilities. It’d save us a number of trips into town, and it might be easier if I keep growing.”

“Oh,” she says, surprised. “I’m not sure. I’ve never tried to — my powers have never seemed domestically inclined, you understand. Far more repelling the devil than darning socks. But … I’m sure there are spells or some such for it. Surely someone else with these powers has existed with a much more mundane fate than I.”

“Just something to think about,” he says. “And call me crazy, but I’d enjoy being at your mercy a hell of a lot more than some smug fellow with something disparaging to say.”

Vanessa laughs. “I’ll see what I can find.”

“Perfect,” he says, eyes closed again. “And — Vanessa?”

“Yes?”

“You can touch,” he says with a drowsy smile. “I don’t mind.”

“I am touching,” says Vanessa, drawing circles.

“You know what I mean,” he says, taking her hand gently and slipping it beneath the cotton of his undershirt. “This is hardly the most indecent thing about everything else we’ve been up to.”

“I suppose,” she says, with the barest minimum amount of proper hesitation. He’s so soft that her mind whites out the instant her fingertips make contact with the plush fat at his waist. Ethan exhales with something that sounds like pleasure.

“Yeah, that’s it,” he murmurs. “Help me get up to bed? You can stay a while if you’d like.”

“May I touch you again?”

Ethan’s lips curve into a smile. “Of course.”

— 

Ethan’s weight climbs steadily, what with all the good meals he’s receiving at the club and Vanessa’s own supplementary stream of baked goods and leftovers. By the time he’s reached twenty-one stone, barely any of his clothes fit him comfortably, everything straining or creaking or on the verge of bursting. His shirts no longer span his heavy waist, and most of his pants are threatening to lose their buttons — or worse, their seams — when confronted with the expanse of his hips and backside. Even the inseams of his trousers are beginning to pill from how heavily his thighs rub together. And, of course, the constraints of his clothes make movement more uncomfortable, so he grows more sedentary as he eats, loath to test the limits of his closet any further.

Vanessa, for her part, has been keeping her nose to the grindstone, spending hours in Malcolm’s library with every vaguely supernatural tome she can find to see if there’s some ritual she can tweak to serve their needs. She longs for the wealth of knowledge stowed in the cabin on the moors — surely Joan knew some way to expand clothing for use in maternity or rheumatism — but it would take days to get out there, and she’s not at all sure that she’d prefer to go alone, and Ethan is quite involved in his work at the club, so — she reads. Evening after evening, as Ethan works through his post-dinner meal or as she waits for him to return home, she makes attempts on a basket of rags she sweet-talked out of Sembene, but nothing useful has emerged yet.

“Why are you still eating like this?” she asks Ethan suddenly, frustrated after a promising charm results in nothing but split cloth. “You’re well beyond the weight minimum, and they’re feeding you exceptionally well at the club. Surely it would be easier to slow your intake?”

Ethan shrugs and catches a hiccup in his fist. “The club’s great for maintaining my size, but there’s one pretty notable downside.”

Vanessa waits, one slim eyebrow arched. 

“You’re not there with me,” Ethan says, as if it should be obvious. “Sure, it’s great eating these huge gourmet meals and all, but watching you get hot and bothered about it’s half the fun. If you don’t mind my saying so.”

Vanessa almost laughs. “You’re doing this on my account?”

Ethan grins. “I mean, I’m doing some for the vampire job. But I realized some time ago that now that I’m in at the club, I probably don’t need to keep eating at quite this capacity. But you make such cute faces when I do. And then you asked if you could touch me, and I wasn’t going to say no to that —”

“You’re unbelievable,” says Vanessa, though she’s laughing. “You wouldn’t even need a tailor so badly if you weren’t so inclined to play the wanton.”

Something changes in Ethan’s grin, from good-natured to almost coy. “I don’t know if I can stop myself now,” he teases. “I’ve got quite the appetite to satisfy.”

With some difficulty, he sits up straighter, his belly rolling into his lap. He’s quite fat now, and she never tires of how it colors his movements, how he’s grown aware of how to spread his legs to give himself more room to bloat, how it takes him a couple of tries to lever himself off the sofa when he’s overfull. Tonight he’s made prodigious work of the leftover mince pies and custard tarts Vanessa squirreled away for him after dinner, and she can see his bloat high at the crest of his stomach, before it gives way to softness. His trousers are unbuttoned, his sweater rucked up above his waistband for comfort, and he looks so deliciously debauched and overfed that she just wants to shove something else in his mouth.

“Yes,” says Vanessa, regarding with a cool remove that she hopes comes off as flirtatious rather than off-putting. “I think you’re far too gone to stop now. How could you deny yourself, after so much indulgence? You’d hardly last a day without stuffing yourself just to feel sated.”

Ethan whines, pausing with his whiskey halfway to his lips. “And where’d you get so good at that kind of talk, huh? All those books on witchcraft?”

“No, these are my own virtues, I’m afraid,” she returns wryly. “Though I will confess to finding you bewitching. Especially at that size, with something in that pretty mouth of yours.”

Ethan coughs mid-sip. “Miss Ives! And here I thought you were some kind of proper lady.”

“Oh, you know me better than that,” she says, abandoning her basket of rags and squeezes herself beside him on the chaise. “What can I say,” she murmurs, tracing the slope of his stomach into his lap. “You bring it out in me. There’s just something about a large, strong man such as yourself completely at the mercy of his appetite — his animal instincts, as it were — until his penchant for excess becomes so evident that he can no longer hide it.”

Ethan’s breathing is shallow in a way she suspects isn’t entirely from the glut of his diet. “I have put on a bit of weight, haven’t I?”

Vanessa exhales raggedly. “A bit?”

“Vanessa?” calls Sir Malcolm from upstairs, and both of them freeze. “What are you still doing up?”

With practiced speed, Vanessa yanks the blanket from the back of the chaise and tosses it over Ethan’s bulging midsection. Ethan straightens as much as he can, one hand pressed to his protesting stomach, and schools his face into a neutral expression. By the time Malcolm looms in the doorway of the sitting room, they’re both arranged naturally in separate chairs, nothing but their glasses of liquor on the coffee table.

“Mr. Chandler and I were just discussing some of his findings from the club,” she says, mostly smoothly. “The vampire faction seems quite well-embedded in the social fabric of London, so we’ve been puzzling out possible motives or next moves.”

“Ah,” says Malcolm, eyes sliding between them with a tinge of suspicion. “Shall I join you?”

Ethan stifles a belch. “Just wrapping up, Sir Malcolm. I can barely keep my eyes open.”

“And besides,” Vanessa hurries to add, “we haven’t come up with much, anyway. Better for us all to get some sleep and resume in the morning.”

“All right,” says Malcolm slowly. “In the morning, then. I’ll have Sembene call on our doctor and Mr. Lyle.”

Vanessa nods and smiles benignly, holding her face stiffly until Malcolm turns back to the stairs. The moment he’s out of sight, her gaze meets Ethan’s, wide and stimulated.

“My room?” he offers in a low voice. “Ten minutes?”

“Yes,” agrees Vanessa, with perhaps too much fervor. “Ten minutes. There’s still more custard in the icebox. Shall I bring it?”

Ethan raises an eyebrow. “Do you have to ask?”

— 

Finally, she finds something suitable in a book full of cloaked language around keeping resources plentiful at sea, what seems to be a spell for lengthening rope indefinitely, and then something supplementary in a compendium of medical spellwork she recognizes from Joan’s own collection. If she can figure out some way to combine the two, if it works the way she guesses it will, then she should be able to charm Ethan’s clothes to expand with him.

And — Vanessa is loath to take the Lord’s name in vain, but by God, does he need it. He’s fairly overflowing his trousers, his stomach hanging heavily over his waistbands and untucking his shirts and sweaters with its sheer heft. She estimates he’s put on at least half a stone since they last weighed him, maybe a bit more. His bulk jiggles when he moves, and he seems to always be a bit out of breath now. Probably with a bit of conditioning, they could get him back into shape despite his size — and perhaps they should, considering his role in their work — but for now, while he’s simply gathering information, Vanessa relishes the little markers of how much bigger his body is now, how unused to his new weight. She loves to watch him navigate Grandage Place, with its bevy of furniture, antiques, and end tables; his stomach bumps trinkets and vases he clearly thought he made of a berth around, his hips catch in the narrow spaces between furniture pieces, his backside spreads over more and more of the sofa. If he’s not careful, his belly will soon bump the dinner table from his seat. 

She meets him in his room one evening as he’s coming back from washing up, hair damp and stomach still overfull from dinner and dessert. “Miss Ives,” he says, a note of surprise lingering in his voice, and she smiles up at him.

“Do you have a moment? I think I may have found a solution to your — clothing problems.”

“For you?” he says, returning her smile. “I’ve got all night.”

She instructs him to put on one of the shirts that no longer fits him, and he stands before her in his undershirt, his collared shirt hanging unbuttoned on either side of his gut. 

“If I try to button it, it’ll burst before you have time to say your abracadabra or what have you,” he warns, and she tugs it around his belly as far as it will go, which isn’t much.

“All right. I had hopes, but I suppose you’ve outgrown them a bit.”

She has him stand before her and then she balls the edges of his shirt tightly in her fists, murmuring the words she pulled from the books and focusing all her intention in his direction. She imagines Ethan growing plumper, plumper still, and his clothes growing with him, wrapping the curves and bulges of his body with properly fitted menswear that will never strain or tug or burst. 

When she opens her eyes, the shirt hangs undeniably longer around Ethan’s plump waist. Carefully, she pulls both sides together, and while the fabric hugs his round belly, it certainly fits. She’s able to do up every button with a bit of room to spare, and she can’t help but beam as she looks up at Ethan.

“That’s better, isn’t it?” she asks, and he grins back at her.

“You’re magical, Miss Ives. Not that that’s anything new, but it does bear repeating.” He smoothes a hand down the curve of his belly and admires himself in the mirror. “I don’t think even the tailor could do as smart a job as that.”

“Tomorrow we can go through the rest of your clothes,” she says, stepping behind him in the mirror. Gently, he takes her arms and pulls them around his waist, and she presses her cheek to his broad, soft back, eyes slipping shut with bliss.

“Now, Miss Ives,” he teases, and she savors the vibration of his voice against her. “You’re not at all worried that this gives me carte blanche to keep satisfying that gluttonous appetite of mine, are you?”

“Not in the least,” says Vanessa into his back. “In fact, I encourage it.”

Ethan grins into the mirror. “You’re on.”

[kidcooperart]

I LOVE YOUR 2000'S AU SO MUCHHH

can you give us some hcs about it

Also, in this au harumi and hanzo are friends(or more?) with kuai ??

Love your character designs and the 00's fashion chices hope you make more 😍😍

Thanks! I can give some general stuff my sister and I have for the au 🫡 It's been fun making these designs for everyone and researching back on 2000s fashion. It's my favorite type lol, growing up I wished I could dress like all the older girls, and now I can dress up characters like it!

Mileena has a booked schedule; AP classes, soccer, fashion club, and student body president duties. She likes to keep herself busy as well as make her parents proud. She's an awful driver but hasn't gotten into an accident yet so she has a lot of false confidence lmao. Her best friends are Tanya and Rain, they give off gay friend group vibes but they gotta be in the closet I think (big inspirations for Mileena is late 2000s fashion, dipping into the mcbling era, a bit of scene as well. Total Millionaires influence as well)

Kitana is in cheer and photography! She likes being active in a way that works her whole body and keeping some grace to it. She enjoys taking photos of her friends and family, not wanting to forget a moment. She's top of her class while still finding time to roam the mall and enjoy her youth. She spends a lot of time looking out for her sister, however. (Also we hc she has a bit of a crush on Kuai Liang) (inspirations for Kitana are Britney Spears in her prime. Very girl next door, Michelle Branch inspo)

Bi han does shot put for the track & field team, and hates having to wait for Kuai Liang to finish his runs. He plays on his Xbox at home, co-op Halo matches with his friend Sektor. He's the designated driver of the group and he hates being chauffeur. Into divorced dad rock crush on kitana btw (inspirations fashion wise was lowkey LeoDicap for some reason? He's also my outlet to express how much I love grungy emo rock of the 2000s)

Kuai Liang does long distance runs for the track & field team, incredibly thankful Bi Han waits for his practice to end to drive him home. He's into skateboarding as well, often hanging at skate parks with his friends Hanzo and Harumi. He plays guitar as well, picking it up to play his favorite rock songs. He does a lot of house maintenance, going grocery shopping and cooking for his brothers. (Inspiration fashion wise was Fred Durst lmao idk why it just fits him in my brain. Also the guitar stuff comes from us just thinking Kuai being a Santana fan makes sense)

Tomas is in 5th grade and likes hanging out with his brothers and their friends, it makes him feel cool and included. He, Syzoth, and Ashrah are a little friend group of outcasts, he doesn't care and will defend his friends. He loves movies, especially ones of up and coming actor Johnny Cage. He dips his toes into the early internet, playing online games like Neopets and checking out cool websites. (Inspiration is Dewey from Malcolm in the Middle lol and really myself growing up in the 2000s. I'm projecting your honor)

Some miscellaneous stuff is these guys mentioned above are neighbors! They've known each other a long time and get along...decently. Shao is business partners with Sindel and Jerrod, often leaving Reiko to be babysat by the twins (to their dismay). Reiko is one of the kids who picks on Tomas and his friends, finding it irritating they aren't afraid of him.

Jade is Kitana's close friend, she's a member of the field hockey team and loves shopping. Tanya and Rain are in color guard! Skarlet plays bass guitar and is trying to start a band. Nitara has a reputation of dating people and stealing their wallets, also rumored to be a vampire. Sektor and Cyrax are friends with Bi Han, they're Sci Fi fans and kinda geeky but they hide it well. (Sometimes).

Johnny is a fresh actor with a breakout movie under his belt, he's a little excited about how quick his career caught wind and is signing up for everything. He makes tons of appearances, loves interviews, signs up for the smallest of projects, and answers every fan letter. He moved out to LA with his girlfriend Cristina, and she hired 3 bodyguards since worries about Johnny getting lost in the excitement. Jax, Sonya, and Kenshi work for Johnny and are exasperated at how much he revels in his fame, but also how he stays genuine and kind.

(As for the Harumi, Hanzo, and Kuai thing...the three are definitely friends. I could go either way about the dating stuff, whatever is more fun lol)

(Also, additional hcs, the Lin Kuei Brothers are half Chinese half Mexican. Tomas is still Czech and adopted but he is my honorary Mexican. The Twins are Vietnamese and...something. Haven't decided if they'll also get hit with the Mexican beam through Jerrod or if Jerrod to me is just South Asian, haven't deciphered something specific yet)

[starlightbooklove]

Wdym Greta Gerwig wasn't nominated for Best director????

Bitch, her movie (next to Oppenheimer) kept the cinemas alive when Hollywood literally went on full stop last year

I was half expecting that Margot wouldn't be nominated (unfairly because I think she deserved the nomination as much as America) because the academy usually does that with actors who don't scream and burst into tears in a scene (no hate for that, but a good performance is not based solely on that) but Greta, I didn't expect that and Just like the kid from 'Malcolm in the Middle' would say, I don't expect anything from you and you still manage to disappoint me.

[starleska]

Ok, spill the beans about this Mad Mod blorbo of yours. Gimme the details

aaaaaaaa!!!!!! oh my gosh yes yes yes thank you for the opportunity i would love to gush about him - and hopefully get some other people interested 🙈🙈🙈 prepare for an infodump!!!

this is Mad Mod, real name Neil Richards: a brilliant, stylish villain, and an iconic enemy of the Teen Titans!! now, Mad Mod's been around for a while, first appearing in Teen Titans #7 as a fashion designer-turned-smuggler working on Carnaby Street, and later with a more hipster design in the New 52 DC comics. however, the version you'll see me yelling about most (and i think that most are familiar with) is the Mad Mod from the 2003 animated Teen Titans show (see above) 💖

Mad Mod is very much emblematic of his name: he's a crazy British bad guy whose aesthetic, interests and personality are influenced by 60's Mod culture. he speaks with a pronounced Cockney accent (voiced by Malcolm McDowell, who you may know as Alex DeLarge from A Clockwork Orange), dresses in trim, fashionable, Mod-style suits and other outfits (e.g., military parkas), and is an extreme Anglophile: believing British culture and values (ostensibly Mod culture, but also Britain and/or England as a monolith) are superior to others. his original beef with the Teen Titans is their lack of manners: Mad Mod believes them to be poorly behaved, and in need of 'teaching' and 'correcting' (please make no assumptions about me or my taste from this 🙈).

i think Mad Mod is fascinating for a lot of reasons, with the first being his incredible technological capabilities. you see, Mad Mod is not technically the young man you see in the image above: he's actually well past middle-age, but is capable of constructing high-tech illusions using gadgets, robots and screens (shown to be controlled using his ruby-topped cane, which he is quite proficient with!). in Teen Titans, Mad Mod is first shown projecting this younger version of himself as a hologram in a constructed, confusing labyrinth which mimics a school. behind the scenes, Mad Mod - physically an old man - is using this younger version as an avatar to torment the Teen Titans. however, later on Mad Mod devises a technology which allows him to steal youth from other people. in the episode Revolution, Mad Mod steals Robin's youth, reverting his own physical form to a younger version - confirming that the Mad Mod we see in his debut episode is how he looked when he was younger: the skinny, suited redhead with the pretty smile 😉

a lot of people will remember Mad Mod for one thing: the hypnosis. a big gimmick of Mad Mod's is his use of custom-built hypnoscreens: large screens which play repetitive spirals intended to hypnotise and/or brainwash the observer. his goals expand beyond just trying to hypnotise the Teen Titans into being more well-behaved; he later attempts to brainwash them and the entirety of Jump City into believing the American Revolution never happened, and that he is actually their English king. with regards to his love of Britain and England, Mad Mod is...not particularly well-adjusted, and i'm saying that as a Brit 🙈💖

a lot of people are very taken by the unique design of Mad Mod's episodes - specifically his chase sequences, which contain fun references to popular British culture (like Monty Python and The Beatles). taken to be an avant-garde extension of the giant illusions he builds, Mad Mod's style borrows a good deal from 60's pop art, and uses stark, black-and-white imagery with noticeably different rendering than other characters and backgrounds. it's honestly really cool!!! you may recognise a similar art style used in Across the Spider-Verse with Spider-Punk, AKA Hobie Brown 🔥

everything about Mad Mod is explicitly British (particularly English), but his view of Britishness and correct behaviour is both out-dated and extraordinarily narrow. i theorise this is because he never quite reconciled with growing older and the Mod subculture going out of style...he's obsessed with regaining his youth, and despite being The Most British Thing Since Austin Powers, he continues to live in America and push a very odd, caricatured idea of Britishness onto other people that is unique to his worldview. as Cyborg sums up neatly, "Man, I bet even real British people don't like you!"

but, all of that lore aside - you came to know why Mad Mod is my latest blorbo!!! well...just look at him 🥴 he's capital e 'Evil' with a penchant for tying people up and absolutely no respect for other people's personal space 🥺💖 he also has that attractive combo of being abrasive and degrading, whilst also being soft and elegant. not to mention he's a total goofball;;; there's nothing i love more than a villain who's having a great time, and he is having a blast 🙈

you know this guy is Tumblr Sexyman material too: the suits, the cane-twirling, the crazy powers...who cares that he's actually a grandpa? sexualising old men is a national sport on this website 😂 on a physical level he hits a lot of beats for me...gangly, bespectacled (with tinted lenses!!!!!), ginger and crooked teeth??? man 😳😳😳 it doesn't help that i've already had a handful of f/os who are meant to represent a specific decade/style/etc, one of whom is literally Austin Powers;;; my taste is terrible, but consistent 😂😂 all in all, please visualise little cartoon hearts coming off my icon whenever you see me posting about this freak 🥰🥰🥰 if you're a lover of silly villains too, the DCAU is a great place to look!! shout out to my pal @iriso-page for sending the fateful ask that triggered my fixation in a cascade 🙈 thanks so much for sending this in - hopefully this causes a couple other people to check him out too 😉

[ventu-ru]

My Venture Bros Movie Thoughts (SPOILERS) scene by scene

I’ve watched this film twice already, and I’m about to put it on again for a third time to write my thoughts on it.

For context, I started watching the Venture Bros in January of this year. I was mostly putting it on the background for the lulz but when I saw the season 1 finale, I was hooked. With many of the people in the community saying it gets better with every season, I eagerly watched the series, before finally reaching the finale of season 7 around April/May.

Then, I joined the rest of the community in grieving the Venture Bros’ cancellation because I understood how well written and engaging the story was building up to this point.

Nevertheless, we were able to have a finale in the form of a movie, and I will be going scene by scene and laying down my thoughts because I figured it’d be a pretty cool time capsule of my thoughts.

Scene 1: Finding the homeless Hank decoy. So this was basically the teaser for the movie so I was familiar with this scene, but I think they added some lines that weren’t there before. I’m sure we all saw it coming that it wasn’t going to be Hank, especially now that we know its the first scene in the film.

Opening Credits

Scene 2: Sheila asks Rusty for a simple cheek swab to confirm his relation to Malcolm, but Dean comes in to interrupt them, saying OSI is quitting the search for Hank. Its funny, in a cringe and pathetic way, that Rusty still thinks Sheila likes him. I don’t even like Rusty that much anyway, so it works for me, haha. Dean comes in, complaining that the search is off, which gives Sheila a chance to get Rusty’s coffee mug for DNA sampling before being on her way. The interaction between Dean and his father here tells us what we need to know about why I dislike this man LOL. While Rusty has a point that Hank does weird and zany stuff like this, his nonchalant attitude still bothers me. He doesn’t have clones of his sons anymore so, uh, he should be more worried when they’re in danger, right?? Anyway, Dean has every right to be worried, but Rusty is more worried about his bank account. Billy comes running in after Dean leaves to tell Rusty about the problem with the new product.

Scene 3: Sheila spots Malcolm and Gary spying on her and she has a talk with them before dropping them off at the train station. Malcolm doesn’t want to wait around for DNA tests in order to arch Venture, but it’s under Guild protocol that he does. Sheila gets an emergency call from the Guild and drops Malcolm and Gary off at the station. I’m totally understanding of both sides of the situation. I also love how Gary is literally sitting in the middle of all this despite them having the entire limo space to sit. He’s literally playing the audience surrogate right now. Anyways, I’ve always loved Malcolm and Sheila’s relationship and I really hate to see them fight, but luckily nothing’s been escalated to that extent.

Scene 4: Billy and Pete show Rusty what the problem is with the new HelperPod. It starts floating out of nowhere and can unexpectedly drop when turned off, endangering babies and other smol creatures. My dude is literally not gonna stop the launch because of the new bug and expects Billy to fix it overnight, which Billy explains is not possible. H.E.L.P.eR. sees this new product and runs off, thinking that it’s being replaced.

Almost 5 scenes in and we are off to a good and efficient start! We got 4 plot lines started with Rusty’s product launch, Sheila’s investigation with the Guild, Malcolm’s discontent with the inability to arch, and Dean’s discontent with the OSI’s effort to look for Hank. While the movie’s been efficient so far, we can already see how much is packed in here- and we haven’t even seen Hank yet!

Scene 5: Malcolm and Gary run into Debra at the train station, where its revealed that she was Malcolm’s ex and now she runs ARCH, which piques their interest because they are not associate with the Guild.

Scene 6: The Guild of Calamitous Intent review an unauthorized arching by BrickFrog. Sheila says that this isn’t an isolated event and needs more investigating. A pretty short scene, but sets up that Sheila is trying to investigate this crime and we get Guild banter.

Scene 7: Dean goes to Dr. Orpheus for help finding Hank. He gets attacked by a clothes golem that we find out is Al’s ‘creation’. They recently moved into a new HQ in New York so that’s pretty cool to see. While him and Jefferson kinda play fight with it, Dean talks with Dr. O, who tells him that he’s able to faintly track Hank through visions of past, present and future. Dr. O asks Jefferson if they can use his vehicle, and he agrees, only if Jefferson is the one who drives. This sets up the use of the golem in a scene later that I did not expect.

Scene 8: We finally get to hear from Hank, who is writing in his journal on a train heading to Denver, Colorado. He is also switching to his different personalities as he’s describing his escape from the hospital, to setting up the decoy from the first scene, to traveling around New York before hopping on a train. I questioned the fact that he uses a check signed by himself that traces back to the Venture bank account, but no one else brings this up as a way to track him... so it might have happened the day after OSI dropped the search for Hank? Anyways, I also noticed that the alter-egos come out when Hank is dealing with a lot of grief or danger or just in intense situations. For example, when he was giving up his stuff to the homeless people, he is grieving over letting go of his materials and running away. He was in his batman alter-ego. Then, right after he recalls the betrayal by Sirena and Dean, he imagines all of his alter-egos. This just shows his way of coping. On a side note, when I first saw this scene, I misheard Detective-Hank saying, “There’s only ever one dame who ever left ya...” as “There’s only ever one (Dean) who (never) left ya...” and because they were going to Colorado, I thought he was going to go make a clone of Dean or something, that woulda been WAY CRAZY. So out there, that it would prolly only happen in fan fiction or something crazy like that.

Scene 9: Gary and Malcolm talk about ARCH and eventually look into the business card Gary was given, leading the ARCH ship right to their hideout. I thought it was funny that Gary was making a big deal and drew the connection that Malcolm hated Rusty for stealing his gf, but Malcolm says that thats merely near the bottom of the list of why he hates Venture.

Scene 10: OSI cleans up the crime scene shown back in scene 6, Red Death and Sheila go to do some forensics. YAY SHORELEAVE. I love the little banter of them thinking about Brock vs Red Death. That is definitely something for the fan base to debate over till the end of time. Red Death steals a phone from one of the hennchmen to get to the bottom of this.

Scene 11: Debra leads Malcolm and Gary through ARCH HQ, explaining that ARCH is a global organization that is quiet and efficient. Stuff like this makes me really really REALLY sad that this isn’t going to be continued because it shows the potential for this series to grow and and go in different directions and naturally increase the stakes. Finally, she shows off the different gadgets they can have if they join ARCH.

Scene 12: Now, we’re back to Jefferson, Dr. O and Dean’s road trip to Colorado! Jefferson makes a stop back at his old place and we finally FINALLY get a peak of his life behind the scenes. I’ve been wanting this for forever now cuz he’s been one of my fave characters since I started watching. He states that if they get a head start tomorrow morning, they’ll be with Hank by mid-day tomorrow. It kinda sucks that this was the only time we really got to see more of Jefferson in the whole series, but I’ll take it!

Scene 13: Hank reached the Venture compound at night, but it has been demolished. Feeling dreadful, his detective-Hank alter comes in and tells him to look again. This starts off the sequence of flashbacks throughout the Venture compound that genuinely made me smile in sweet nostalgia (despite seeing the whole series a few months ago) that I bet hit hardest to the people who’ve been with the series day one. It ends with Hank getting a reality check before immediately remembering his coma-dream, where he recalls his ‘mothers’ name- Bobbi St. Simone. Then, he is spotted by Dermott, who believes he still works under OSI.

Scene 14: Rusty is still working on his launch for tomorrow morning, setting up the panel and everything. Billy and Pete head out to get ready for an all-nighter to work on the bugs of the HelperPod. Pretty short scene again, Rusty being narcissistic as usual. “Well, hide the thing under your coat, there might be paparazzi outside.”

Scene 15: Malcolm and Gary sneak into the lair at night to check out the new costumes. I think I liked the old costumes more... but I’m glad that they’re enjoying them and their new features. Malcolm and Gary have the best dynamic, it’s great.

Scene 16: We get a 1960′s trailer for a movie that starred Bobbi St. Simone. Dermott recognizes her face and name because there was an old photo of her given to Rusty that she signed. Dermott’s been hoarding a bunch of the Venture’s stuff LMAO for ‘security purposes’ but Hank isn’t convinced by the excuse. They get interrupted by ‘Mr. Potter’/Ben who wants a polyphase Venturilium converter from Dermott... which idk why he would have that? My guess is that Dermott thinks the gadgets just look cool. Maybe he secretly wants to be included in the Venture Bros’ adventures? idk. Hank watches a PSA from Bobbi and finds out she’s at a zoo of some sorts.

Scene 17: Dr. O wakes from his sleep, seeing the vision of Hank hanging out with Dermott and wakes up Jefferson and Dean to head out. They get ambushed by Jefferson’s enemies and unfortunately, magic doesn’t work on them, so no Jefferson and Dr. O co-op fight scene :( Dean thinks he got bit by one of the vampires. Prolly one of my favorite lines: “Did that sum-bitch just bail on us?” They’re able to escape when they release the golem on them. I bet if this was a season-long, the group would be able to track Jefferson, leading to another fight scene either at the zoo with Hank and Bobbi or with Dermott at his place.

Scene 18: Gary and Malcolm go to arch Venture with their new gear. Also short, not much to say... I love how it starts with Gary exclaiming, ‘Its the Police!’ referencing a band name rather than the actual police.

Scene 19: This scene sort of confused me when I first watched it, but basically, Red Death, Brock and Shoreleave find evidence that frames Sheila as the culprit of the crime sprees and give her the chance to run away.

Scene 20: Back with Gary and Malcolm continuing Scene 18, Debra abandons them in the Venture compound. Luckily, they just have to deal with Sgt. Hatred, not the wrath of Brock, so they’re relatively safe. Debra then sets off the HelperPods through the bug that Billy and Pete were investigating. This makes them all release their own magnetic fields and gravitational forces and make the building float up into space.

Scene 21: Brock sees the building flying out into space and calls Rusty to tell him what’s going on. Rusty finally looks outside and realizes that the building is exiting the earth’s atmosphere. I’m surprised he hasn’t heard the music from the bots yet.

Scene 22: Billy and Pete try to get the HelperPod down, but is only taken down by getting shot at, which Billy tells Rusty in a call.

Scene 23: Red Death’s horse, Daisy guides Sheila to Debra because they believe she’s been the one who framed her.

Scene 24: Dr. O goes to Dermott and asks him about Hanks’ whereabouts. Another one of my fave lines: “Liar! Pants aflame!!” This scene also showcases how scary and physical Dean can actually be, especially when someone he cares about is in danger. (But also when he believes that he’s turning into a vampire). I would have loved for this to be explored in a later season or something because there’s some stuff there that would make Dean a much much more interesting character (imo the fans seem to gravitate to Hank’s character rather than Dean cuz he’s just had more interesting character moments. So I think a storyline tackling this side of Dean would be a great direction for his character).

Scene 25: Hank finally reaches the old zoo where Bobbi is. All his alter-egos come out, skeptical but curious as to who the mother is. He gets attacked by a gorilla, but is saved by Bobbi. When she hears that him and Dean had a falling out, she says that, “Family is- it’s everything, really.”

Scene 26: Billy and Pete finally figure out the vulnerability and call Rusty to explain the situation. They tell him to manually turn off the robots. Shooting them is one way of doing that, but before Billy can communicate the issues with that approach, they lose connection. I kinda liked this scene, since Rusty admits, “I was happier as a middling super-scientist in the middle of nowhere!”

Scene 27: Hunter Gathers decides that they’ll have to shoot down the Ven-Tech building to save people on earth. Brock tries to talk him into saving them, to no avail. I think Brock was tryna go for a ‘Venture may not have a lot but they got me!’ kinda speech, but it falls flat and they laugh at him lol. But then he brings up that Sheila is behind the scenes trying to talk to Debra, and has faith that she’ll put a stop to it.

Scene 28: Sheila and Daisy reach Debra’s apartment and Daisy jumps to a bunch of conclusions about Debra’s plan before she can explain herself. It’s pretty funny because with every conclusion Daisy came up with, I found myself thinking of it as a possibility, but Debra was having none of that LOL.

Scene 29: Bobbi finally gets to explain her story and once again, we get Hank intervening and jumping to conclusions about her being his mother. I think it was pretty amusing, but having it back to back like that and being the same kinda joke (character jumps to ridiculous conclusions after getting a few bread crumbs of info) might get stale after a few viewings. Bobbi finally explains that she isn’t his mother, sending Hank into a confused spiral of emotion, and into another coma. So I think these coma trips have been happening whenever he’s had an emotionally traumatic moment and needs to escape reality. Dr. O and the gang finally reach them and offer to help.

Scene 30: Meanwhile, Malcolm, Gary and Rusty and Sgt. Hatred all agree to work together to take down the HelperPods. Even H.E.L.P.eR. comes to help. Unfortunately, their mission to take down the Pods ends TERRIBLY. It was pretty horrifying to see what happened to the characters because it looked more severe than the usual cartoon injuries they’ve endured in the past. But in retrospect, nothing too crazy for Venture Bros.

Scene 31: Hank sulks in the coma-dream while all his alters come out to play. Dr. O comes to him and tells him that they’re there to rescue him. Hank doesn’t believe he has a place to go back to.

Scene 32: Back in the real world, Bobbi makes it clear to Dean that shes not his mom and he says he already knows, but doesn’t remember seeing her before.

Scene 33: Meanwhile, Debra tries to convince Sheila to join her in ARCH. Sheila defends herself that she’s happy where she is and she chose this life. Debra reveals that she is Force Majeure’s daughter. She also had previous contact with Rusty. “And I gave [Rusty] my...stuff I wasn’t planning on using.” At first, I thought that this was just gadgets or something but now I think its some DNA and reproductive stuff that helped create Dean and Hank? They finally come to an agreement and she turns off the HelperPods that are making the Ven-Tech building up in space.

Scene 34: I think this is the first scene where I can sorta see... the limitations in production. But its only speculation. Back in the Ven-Tech building, the four guys make it through the vents and into a safe space to recuperate. They notice that they are in free fall and need to get on a space ship out of the building to get out safely. They start floating upwards, but then the screen gets dimmer and dimmer implying there are not lights in this part of the building. But it also helps cut down on animation. But they find the mecha, Ventronic, from Season 3.

Scene 35: Hank and Dr. O talk and Dr. O guides Hank back to reality before Dean accidentally stumbles in the dream, gets beaten by Hank’s alters before being saved by Hank. I really really wish this was expanded on in a bit of a more creative and engaging, sorta adventure type of way. I see a lot of potential. I don’t know. Maybe it’s because I saw Puss in Boots 2: The Last Wish, but I was hoping it would be similar to that. I loved how Dean accidentally got himself tangled up in that for a few seconds before they exited the coma dream... but similar to my last sentence, I truly wish that it was expanded upon. It didn’t feel as satisfying, especially with how hurt Hank was by this betrayal. Furthermore, while Dr. O was a pivotal role in getting to Hank’s coma-dream, I wish it was Dean who brought him out by directly talking to him. Even when they did talk...

Scene 36: They bring Hank out of the coma-dream but notice that the Ven-Tech building is falling from the sky. I’m prolly gonna get into a whole discussion on how to fix this later, but this scene is one of the furthest things from satisfying to me. Which sucks. Hank gets out of his coma-dream and apologizes to Dean about his alter’s beating him up. Dean said he kinda deserves it. But Dean doesn’t apologize to him??? uhhhhhhhhhhh. He wrote a whole ass letter and read it to his brother when he was in a coma, but he never heard any of it so like... even a short sorry would have been something? Or like ‘hey I wrote a letter about the situation and thought you should know. I read it to you while you were in your coma but you probably didn’t hear it, so let me just say I’m sorry...’ IDK it just didn’t sit right with me that Hank was the only one who apologized. Maybe he was going to go into it, but Hank asks about their father and Brock, and then they get interrupted by the falling building so...

Scene 37: This sequence is a call-back to that one episode in Season 3. It was unexpected, but welcome! I enjoyed it at least. The Ventronic and OSI save the building from crash-landing on earth. Instead, it safely lands right where the old Ven-Tech building used to be in Denver, Colorado. Where Jefferson, Dr. O, Hank and Dean are able to go.

Scene 38: Malcolm climbs out of the robot and is crushed by the statue of Jonas Venture, needing immediate medical attention. Ben rushes to the scene, claiming that he can help.

Scene 39: Invisible Debra and Sheila analyze the DNA test results from Malcolm and Rusty- confirming that they are clones instead of brothers. I’m not sure why they chose to be invisible?? Another budget saving technique maybe.

Scene 40: Rusty and Malcolm get the news that they are clones and Rusty’s donation of blood helps Malcolm’s operation succeed. Malcolm is bummed that hes a clone and Rusty is more non-chalant and chuckling, saying that he should have expected this.

Scene 41: Brock, Sgt Hatred, Gary, Jefferson, Dr. O and even H.E.L.P.eR. 2 hang out in the living room area when Ben comes in to deliver the news that they are clones of Jonas. He also notes that Malcolm has 25 baboon in his DNA to counter-act balding, but it made him more aggressive. His code name was also ‘R-22′ meaning there was more than 20 other versions of Rusty. Speaking of which, he comes in the room, looking for the twins so that he could ‘blow their little minds...again.’ His reaction seems a lot more upbeat and light-hearted.

Scene 42: Malcolm sulks in his operation bed until Sheila comes in through the window, still invisible. She cheers him up and this is prolly one of my fave scenes of them, they’re awesome together. Nevertheless, I still felt like it was a short scene of one of my fave duos on the show.

Scene 43: Ben gives Hank a watch that Jonas gave him before Rusty was born. He also tells Hank that “Blood doesn’t choose your family, love does. Your grandpap knew that.” Its a very interesting quote, because it tells a different side to the Jonas Venture we’ve learned about throughout the series. Like, I kinda find it hard to believe Jonas would do such a thing LOL. Anyways, this is a really nice moment. I wonder why they included a watch with 2 different time zones. I’m soooo curious to the back story of the watch. Nevertheless, I still wish we had more closure to Hank and Dean’s plotline.

Scene 44: Dean talks with Rusty and asks him who their mother is. Rusty doesn’t give him an answer, saying, “I don’t even know who my mom is!” Before assuring him that, “All you need to know is that the person who gave birth to you loves you.”  And Dean hugs him. I don’t like Rusty but moments like these give me hope that if the show continued, we’ll have more human moments for him. Rusty’s dad prolly never hugged him, so I’m glad Dean’s getting at least a lil more hugs. Unfortunately, none from Rusty to Hank :(

Scene 45: Malcolm’s return. Malcolm enters the room, announcing that he will continue arching Venture, using the revelation of his bloodline and genetics as fuel for his hatred. But first, Brock gets him an Uber.

End Credits

Scene 46: Post credit scene. This scene is set in the past, showing Rusty using a synthetic womb to carry Hank and Dean when they were fetuses. H.E.L.P.eR. is in the background singing a lullaby and preparing cribs for the babies[This single-handedly makes me appreciate and love H.E.L.P.eR. even more <3] Rusty’s watch goes off, saying ‘Wake the boys.’ And he says that the boys are ‘about done.’ This basically implies that he’s the one who technically gave birth to them, despite Debra giving him the other reproductive stuff he’d need to create them.

End of Movie Notes

Yeah, so... that was that... Again, the movie just had too much to pack into it, which was just a result of the unfortunate limitations. I truly wished that they had at LEAST 2 hours to make the whole thing, then we would have had much more satisfying character moments. I was the most disappointed with how Hank and Dean’s storyline played out, but considering the limitations the writers had on this project, they did a fantastic job. It could have been much much worse and handled poorly. All in all, it was a good send-off. Too good, since its leaving the fans wanting more. If there’s any way to petition or write physical letters to an organization or anything, I would support that in a heartbeat. I’d send a letter a week or whatever it takes to show my undying support (as you can see, I write a lot, so these letters would be long AFFF). As you can see, I’m still a big fan and would love to see Venture Bros continue, there’s just too much unexplored territory in this story, it’d be a shame for it to go to waste! Depending on my schedule this week, I will write a follow up to this, writing about how I would go about concluding the story for Dean and Hank.

Go, Team Venture!!

[causewhywouldnti]

My thoughts as I’m watching 24 seasons of law & order svu:

Season 9

9x01 her waiving her Miranda rights, does not seem legal… it was highly entertaining though. Kathy’s face when Janice talked to her is priceless. Benson and Stabler putting their silent communication to good use is always great. Love the twist at the end!

What order did they shoot these episodes in? Because Benson's hair is very different in 9x03 than it was in the first two episodes…

9x04, those are slow chest compressions… And good on Elliot to admit that his anger isn't helping and that he is not proud of it.

I thought there was something in the pizza box in 9x06, but I was thinking body part, not bomb. That Olivia would be attacked once she got home was pretty clear, but I'm glad that she got her anger under control.

9x07, after Stabler gets his head bashed into the window, he has glass all over his shoulder, which is practically the first place Benson puts her hands. Him panicking after not being able to see is some great acting. Benson looking out for Stabler was really sweet. Also, her catching him when he tripped after court. The confrontation between Casey and Benson: loved that Casey asked her if she wanted the perp tried because of the girls, or because of what he did to Elliot. Benson pretty much confirms it’s about Elliot when she states, "he’s my partner". And later on, where she fully admits that she wanted revenge for him. At least Benson concedes that she was wrong. Sam Waterston is back! The episode also made me realize we don't really know anything about Casey's private life (or I just wasn't paying attention).

9x08, I feel like they could have tried harder to stop the suspect being crushed in a garbage truck.

The kid clinging onto Elliot is really cute in 9x09. Oh, Elliot… that's the worst way the father could have found out that he's not actually the father. Don't get me started on how Benson put that IV in, cause nope. Don't know why, but that birthing scene had me laughing out loud (Until she got Tachy…). The first Benson Stabler hug is everything though!

9x10, Olivia's face whilst Elliot is talking to his "friend" is priceless! Plus, we got our first mention of an iPhone.

9x14 Elliot has a way with words, not in a good way though, yikes. Poor Olivia, the lack of kids is really getting rubbed into her face in this episode.

9x15 must have been the first episode after the last writer strike. The scene in the basement got pretty graphic. Them talking disparagingly about the captain’s size is petty, and I am here for it.

9x16 Tucker's back… yay… Benson saying she would never leak to the media when she actually did that in season 7 and the journalist is still being held in contempt for it (at least I assume he is, not like we got a follow-up). That scene between Benson, Stabler and Moss is so awkward. Also, least romantic kiss ever. That was also a one episode relationship. He wanted to move in, she broke up with him.

9x17, a sheep named Elliot on Morning Joe, well that's new. Munch enjoying himself in the pillow fight is great though. I feel like there's a scene missing. One moment Benson is taking Rook into custody, the next second Stabler is panicking, and then we find out Benson is missing. Stabler's gonna need a new pair of handcuffs.

9x18 did not see that ending coming.

9x19, TV shows always forget, that when you disconnect an IV, there’s gonna be a lot of blood… Not quite sure where the Fin/Stabler conflict is coming from, but here we are. Poor Casey, but probably fair. Lake… never really warmed up to him, but that’s just a sad ending.

Familiar faces: Cynthia Nixon (Sex and the City), Melissa Joan Hart, Jayne Atkinson (Madam Secretary), Aidan Quinn (White Collar), Steven Weber (Studio 60), Shannon Woodward (Malcolm in the Middle), Jarred Harris (Fringe), Ayre Gross (Perlmutter on Castle), Gaius Charles (Friday Night Lights), Adina Porter (The 100), Mark Valley (Fringe), Jeremy Jordan (The Flash), Mae Whitman (A:tla), Braeden Lemasters (House), Meredith Eaton (House), Mark Moses (Scandal), Bailey Chase (Castle), Bill Pullman (While You Were Sleeping), Robin Williams, Joe Scarborough, Matthew Davis (Legally Blonde),

Favorite episodes: 9x01, 9x07, 9x09, 9x12

Favorite lines:

"Try and behave yourself." - Cragen 9x01 (as if that would happen)

"You know, wherever you are, you're almost never more than 6 feet away from a spider." - Janice 9x01 (well ain't that a comforting thought…)

"She’s not supposed to be pregnant. (turning to Kathy) You're too old, I’m in college, people will think it's mine." - Kathleen 9x01

„You took an oath. You don't get to take a time-out because we're at war. Because it's difficult to uphold. The oath was written for times like these.“ - Waren in 9x04 on the Hippocratic oath

"It's my job to look out for him." - Benson about Stabler 9x07

[petercapaldi-press]

INTERVIEW

No more Mr Nice Guy

Thu 31 Aug 2006 01.03 CEST

Stuart Jeffries

After two decades playing charming, easy-going types, Peter Capaldi has hit the big time as a diabolical spin doctor. So why does the star of The Thick of It seem so miserable? He talks to Stuart Jeffries

'I hate restaurants that play music," says Peter Capaldi. "You come out for a quiet meal and you're supposed to put up with all this booming. Why? It's madness!" It is too soon, one might think, for the 47-year-old actor to start playing Victor Meldrew, but he is making a remarkably convincing go of it. His expressive left eyebrow has shot up a good three inches.

We're standing in the doorway of a London restaurant, wondering where to conduct the interview. The noise is boombastic, but not in a good way. Capaldi stomps upstairs away from the racket. If there was an audition for Last of the Summer Wine at the top, he would be a shoo-in to play Nora Batty's crotchety love interest. But there is no audition. Only a booth where we can sit and he can moan.

Capaldi is supposed to be talking about the gentle new BBC comedy drama Aftersun, in which he plays a sandal-and-sock-wearing middle-aged grump. What drew him to the part, I ask. "I read the script and I thought: this is me." Capaldi used to be a troubled young art school rebel, the front man in a Glasgow punk band called the Dreamboys. Now he's a man who complains about restaurant music. "It happens to all of us," he says.

Who is Peter Capaldi? More likely than not, you're thinking, "Wasn't he the bloke who was in that thing?" And the answer is, "Most likely, yes. Yes, he was!" He has been in more than 40 films and TV dramas, including Judge John Deeds, Shooting Fish, Foyle's War and Iain Banks's The Crow Road. He was John Malkovich's resourceful manservant in Dangerous Liaisons and he even has an Oscar for his first short film, of which more later.

But you probably know him best as Malcolm Tucker in Armando Iannucci's political sitcom The Thick of It. Tucker was originally going to be a composite of spin doctors - Campbell, Mandelson, perhaps even Charlie Whelan - but as the series evolved Tucker became less suave and more boorishly Campbellian. He looks like a man whose head is ready to explode; he swears like a trooper and makes horrible threats with the abandon of a Caesar trying to forestall the collapse of his disgustingly corrupt empire. Indeed, because Tucker is required to swear a lot, Capaldi finds himself swearing more at home, which must be nice for his wife Elaine and 12-year-old daughter Cissy.

Capaldi, who has had something of a topsy-turvy career as an actor, says his newfound nastiness makes a welcome change. "I'm usually required to be boyish, easy-going and charming. So I leapt at this role." In the audition for The Thick of It, he played opposite Iannucci, who took the ministerial role. They improvised a scene in which he told Iannucci that there had been a lot of speculation in the press about him resigning and that the government had every confidence in him, but that if he didn't go they would look weak so he ought to resign. Up to that moment, Capaldi had played it nice. Then he turned nasty: he made it clear that if Iannucci didn't resign he would end up at the bottom of the river. Metaphorically, of course. Once he had got the part, Capaldi went on to say lots of rude and hostile things about leading politicians, the most publishable of which seems to be: "He's about as much use as a marzipan dildo."

Capaldi and Iannucci discovered that they grew up on the same street of tenements in Springburn, Glasgow. They did not know each other, though. Otherwise, as Capaldi points out, they might have exchanged pre-verbal greetings from passing prams. Both were born to Italian immigrants, though it was the Capaldis who had the ice-cream delivery business. He once used his family's business in his screenplay for the 1992 film Soft Top, Hard Shoulder, about a Scottish-Italian who will inherit part of the family ice-cream business if he can make it back to Glasgow in his clapped-out Triumph convertible in time for his father's 60th birthday.

Now, however, Capaldi is somewhat in awe of the younger man who directs The Thick of It. "Armando likes to keep us nervous. We always get the scripts late and barely know the words when we film. I think he likes us to be scared so we can't rely on our technique. The scripts are always brilliant, very closely plotted and perfectly finished. We always shoot a word-perfect version and then shoot another version in which we improvise. There's always much more shot than you see."

Capaldi will play Tucker in an hour-long special of The Thick of It to be filmed in October. He is tight-lipped about how the child pornography charges that actor Chris Langham faces will affect the making of the special. "I don't know anything about what it will involve, except that it will be about the opposition." But isn't Tucker supposed to be a Labour spin doctor? "I don't think he'd have any trouble working for the Tories." And didn't Langham play a Labour minister? Capaldi agrees, but will say no more.

Tucker is the latest incarnation in a career that has seen Capaldi go from Oscar winner to Hollywood reject. It all started in a Glasgow flat when he came home a little drunk to find Bill Forsyth in his kitchen, chatting with his landlady, a costume designer. Something about Capaldi's innocent, charming demeanour appealed to the Scottish director and he cast the young man opposite Burt Lancaster in his 1983 film Local Hero. After that strange debut for a 25-year-old film and art student, Capaldi spent the following decade in bedsits and rep, before winning that Oscar as director and screenwriter of Franz Kafka's It's a Wonderful Life, which starred Richard E Grant. He thought for a moment that he had hit the big time and could become a director. "The truth is that I got to Hollywood and I didn't know what to do once I got there." He claims to have gone to one Hollywood meeting, where it was discovered he was not up to direct a movie, and, disappointed, got the next flight home.

His CV suggests a career that has gone in cycles - plucked from Glaswegian obscurity to star in a film opposite a Hollywood legend; wilderness years in rep; an unexpected Oscar; years of journeyman roles; and now back to prominence as Malcolm Tucker. His performance as the latter has made the phone ring with offers of acting work. "A year ago nobody was interested in me. I am suddenly wanted as a very bad man, rather than whatever I was before."

But if directors have Capaldi pegged as a very bad man like Tucker, how come he plumped for a role in Aftersun that, after all, requires rather gentle comedy? "I was just sent the script. But you're right - the director was worried about whether I could do gentle comedy after Tucker." Even though you've been doing that for much of your career? "Quite."

Aftersun tells the story of Sue and Jim, a couple who married young. Twenty years on, she is on antidepressants for empty-nest syndrome while he is basking in the fragile professional pomp of being the king of MDF. Then, as an anniversary present, the couple's children send them on a two-week holiday to a Spanish villa. On arrival they discover that they're sharing a pool with a pneumatic 20-year-old toff hottie and her no less vexatiously young and lithe Spanish himbo. Hilarity, thanks to David "Cold Feet" Nicholls' script, ensues for the best part of an hour.

The comic drama of pristine youth confronting vulnerable middle age is what keeps Aftersun compelling, along with the sniping rows between Capaldi's Jim and Sue (played by Sarah Parish from Cutting It). At one point he returns to the villa to find Sue smoking a joint beside the pool with the Spanish himbo. "It smelled like a crack den!" he says, with ludicrous overstatement.

"The script spoke to me because of the fungal infection on my feet," Capaldi says now. I sneak a glance at them: sandals, no socks. Jim, by contrast, wears special anti-fungal socks that must make him a devil with the ladies when he wears them with sandals. "In my case," Capaldi says, "the doctor says it's better to keep the air flowing."

Capaldi complains that there are too few grumpy roles for middle-aged men. "It seems to me that most things that are being made are designed for young people. There are aren't that many depictions of melancholic older people, even though they form a growing proportion of the population."

But he has no plans to get stuck in the middle-aged acting rut. He hopes to return to directing with a project called The Great Pretender, which sounds like a philosophical seminar on Kantian metaphysics rather than a Saturday night no-brainer. "It's a film about the making of a film about the life of Bonnie Prince Charlie. It has four parts for Ewan McGregor." I see. Or rather, run that by me again. "There's a film about Bonnie Prince Charlie being made in 1938." Right. "But we discover that the film's star, Lesley Grangely, who's a little like Robert Donat, has vanished on a bender because he's an alcoholic." With you so far. "So the film-makers get this guy who works in a shoe-repair shop to stand in for Grangely. He doesn't know that he's standing in. He thinks he's an extra, but they use all the footage." Right. But why does McGregor, God bless him, play four roles? "Because the role of Bonnie Prince Charlie has a stand-in. So there are two stand-ins. It was conceived to be pieced together and it would have a pseudo-documentary feel to it. It will be really easy to make and we're ready to go," says Capaldi, with the enthusiasm of one who has spent seven years working on the project.

There are two problems with the film, however. The first is that McGregor, whose fame has ensured that the film is more than a complete non-starter, has got to go round the world on his motorbike again for one of those TV travelogues. "He's going to go the other way or something." Clockwise rather than anti-clockwise? "Or vertically rather than horizontally. I can't remember. But he has been incredibly supportive of the thing."

Capaldi won't say what the second problem is, but, given that filming was due to begin earlier this year, clearly something isn't flowing. Possibly money. "It will happen soon. But after my experience with my last film [Strictly Sinatra, a 2001 gangster flick starring Ian Hart that was derided by critics], what I've decided is that I will only make films the way I want. I don't want to make a film to make a film. Strictly Sinatra became a compromise between me and the producers and neither of us liked the results much."

He insists that he now knows what he wants to do. "I want to make this film." It could be a triumph or a turkey, I say, adding ill-advisedly: "It's got cinematic disaster written all over it." As soon as the words are out of my mouth, I wish I could retract them. "Oh thanks," he says, eyebrow shooting up. "I could make the title of my memoirs: 'It's got cinematic disaster written all over it.'" He is being, I hope, ironic. Of course, if the film doesn't work out, he could always get a part in Grumpy Old Men.

· Aftersun is on BBC1 on Friday September 8.

_________________________________________

admin's note: I don't normally include video links to this blog because this is about written stuff, but here is a link to a youtube video of Ewan McGregor talking about the Bonnie Prince Charlie movie script that never actually got made.

[obbiwonk]

i was tagged by @npdclaraoswald !

rules: tag 9 people you wanna know better

(i hope i have 9 mutuals lol)

last song: i cut off "kitchen light" by xana bc i finished my shower and didn't want to make too much noise; last full listen was "lavender bones" by stand atlantic !

currently watching: it's probably been weeks since i last watched tv actively, i cannot binge watch to save my life i keep leaving the room with the tv but my bf has been rewatching Malcolm in the Middle and i've been in the room a lot for that. we also started Bones a while back and i really like that show. i swear the title character her assistant are some dort of autistic and it makes me happy

currently reading: "Ask The Dust" by JRS, a friend from my dad's writer's grouo, this book isn't publicly available yet im beta-reading it for him. but i did just get the libby app so im also working on The Left Hand of Justice by Ursula K. Le Guin. My first big sci fi book, im more of a fantasy guy but i should be smart enough to get it !

current obsession: i've been working on a portal 2 mass choir project with a new mutual who started it needing a composer: im working on a trans rights piece which is voice and string quartet and im trying some experimental composition techniques and improv. i swear this is draft 3 of it bc i never feel like i can change the world with my music but i have to try, even if it just changes my personal world or one mind; it's summer so i have a women and sexuality class and im reading some pdfs in that one but i enjoy learning the names of all the feminist concepts; i also have time to write my book again, it started off as immortal people misbehaving but then i decided an entity was making them all immortal (copying the idea of The Hand from Marvel Defenders i think was the series?) and the lady in charge of that entity wants to use her immortalizing tech and mind control to make an unstoppable army so now the protags are misbehaving to save the world lol. (i'll let mutuals read it if you can take notes on each chapter and not expect immediate edits, i write down the critiques from writer's group and keep writing without editing bc this is the baby first draft and if i stop to edit i'll never finish it); excited to start calc 3 in june too! I have my whiteboard all clean; music and Scene Queen's work in general are also obsessions and im going to try to learn to scream like her, although from her insta stories, she's not screaming healthily so if i figure out a healthy scream im tempted to send her to those tips bc i want her to keep her voice!

tagging: @savetheearthbros @bitegore @toothsheeran @lovingtogetic @orikeepitasecret (idk if we're mutuals but you pop up a lot in my notifs) @oleandy (same hat here idk if we're mutuals but you reblog a lot of my posts so you're cool) @h8woti8 and anyone that wants to join in bc i can't think of 9 mutuals