#I was really holding out for the purple galaxy themed one but that's just a flat print - this one has glitter in the plastic!

[sysig]

Happy birthday!!! I hope you're having a great day!!

I am! Thank you :D

[whitefoxgirl]

⏳Ageless⏳ A Namjoon Series {Chapter 2}

Author's Note: This is chapter 2 of the series. I wrote this in between classes so that's why it's so long. I was also advised to do a taglist, so, if you would like to be tagged, just comment on the post and I will add you :)

Pairing: Namjoon x reader (Female Pronouns) Fandom: BTS Warnings: Ageless Namjoon; Namjoon imagining the MC in a sexual way but nothing smutty happens. Genre: Fluff, angst Word Count: 4.8k

Songs that helped me: • "Soft Skin" - Ali Project • "Theme of Love Con (Orgel Ver.)" - Lovely Complex OST • "In the Forest" - Fruit Basket OST • "Want to Get Along" - Fruit Basket OST • "Galaxy Games OST 6" - Star Project OST • "Unjust Life" - Angel Beats OST • "Anxiety" - Angel Beats OST • "Snow Melts Into Spring" - Fruit Basket OST • "So That You're Not Lonely" - Fruit Basket OST • "Memory Loss" - Fruit Basket OST

Tag list: @dreamescapeswriting @ourkarlanicoleuniverse @cutttteeee

Previous Chapter | Next Chapter

As Namjoon got to work, he looked at the first editions that were not available to the public, which was in the basement of the store. It was his favorite part of the bookstore, as he read most of them in his youth. He heard someone call his name from the top of the store, Charles, his coworker. He was letting Namjoon know that it was time to open the store, to which Namjoon nodded and got ready to stock books. His job at the bookstore was one that required little to no interactions with other people. This is something that he decided as he didn’t want his clients to recognize him years later, in their old age. Charles, being the saint that he is, thought Namjoon was just socially awkward and that he maybe had extreme anxiety, so he talked to the owner and manager of the store suggesting that Namjoon do bookbinding as a service to those customers who would like the service to happen, and stocking the books that were being delivered.

As the afternoon rolled around a new book was delivered and as Namjoon was stoking the book on its shelf and decorating the table presenting the new arrival, he heard a soft gasp and from the corner of his eye, a figure approach him.

“Junseo!” He heard a familiar voice say, to which he turned to look and smiled as, even though he heard it only for a few hours, he has grown rather attached to it. “Fate did its thing, right?” She said smiling softly, her cheeks where blushed slightly and her body language screamed: “I’m shy but I’m doing my best to interact with you”.

“It did. How are you? It has been a couple of weeks, right?” He asked her while holding a couple of books in one hand. She nodded to the question and pushed her hair back slightly behind her ear. Namjoon took her appearance in, she was wearing work pants, with a fitted black shirt that had sleeves above her elbows, and she was wearing low cut doc martins. She looked like she had come out of work and looked professional. He smiled softly at her appearance as she dressed like she listened to her coworkers and is willing to stand up to them.

“Yeah! I was just looking for something else that Tae Keller released” She looked around and then back at him. He looked at her thinking for a while then smiled softly.

“The… Children’s literature author?” He asked to which she nodded excitedly and responded by saying

“Yeah! I read ‘The Science of Breakable Things’ and I really liked it! So, I was just looking for something else.”

He thought for a second then signaled her to follow him, to which she did. She looked as his tall figure crouched down and grab a purple book with a tiger on the cover coming out of a jar. Namjoon showed Y/N the book, she grabbed it with a gentle grip and looked at the title, ‘When you Trap a Tiger’.

“It’s about this girl, who visits her grandmother and finds that her grandmother is hiding something about her past.” He explained. She looked at him smiling and said,

“Like… A secret that affected her?”

Namjoon nods at this and smiles responding “It’s really good, I find that it really feeds your inner child”

She nods and smiles looking at him saying “Okay, I’ll take it then!”

Namjoon smiled softly and then put his hands on his pockets wiping the palm of his, slightly sweaty, hands gently. He inhaled gently and said, “Yeah, and when you finish it, let’s discuss it over our date?”

Her mouth gaped as she looked at him then giggled gently saying “You remembered!” He nodded and took off the palms from his pockets. She smiled and said, “Okay, it’s a date then.”

He decided to do something he had never done, check someone out, which surprised Charles greatly. As Namjoon was checking Y/N out, he thought about how he has never been a bold person. Even with Suyeon, she was the one who approached him, and even though he did ask her to marry him, he found that he asked too late for his own liking. And so, he decided to be a bold person for the first time in his life.

“So, what’s your number?” He asked her, something she was surprised at, as Namjoon did not seem like the bold type, then she inhaled, feeling her cheeks heat up.

“Is it normal for you to ask girls for their phone numbers?” She asked.

He chuckled at this and said, “Only girls as pretty as you.”

Y/N crunched her nose, cringing, something Namjoon mirrored. Both laughed at this, he shook his head and look at her saying “I mean, I’m usually not even interacting with customers, so… No, you’re my first ever customer and first even person I asked for their phone number.”

She licked her lips smiling and dictated her number, having Namjoon write it diligently and carefully on a piece of paper near the register. After he was done Y/N spoke up saying “And… Just in case, that’s my personal number, so… Feel free to text me or call me whenever you want.” He nodded smiling gently and handing her her receipt. He smiled and said “Don’t… Throw away your receipt. I put my phone number in for you” She smirked at this gently and looked into his eyes smiling saying

“Your personal one I hope?” He chuckled at this and nodded responding

“Yeah, you can call or text me any time.”

She nodded and grabbed her book saying “I’ll text you tonight then” to which he nodded and smiled wishing her a great day.

When she was out the door, Charles ran towards Namjoon and asked him what that was about. Namjoon shrugged his shoulder and smiled gently, to which Charles said “Nah, Nah, Nah! Hold on! Mr. Junseo Jung! You never even look at customers, let alone help them find their books! Who was that?” Namjoon felt his cheeks redden as he said “Just… I just find her interesting, sue me” Charles chuckled and touched his shoulder gently saying “My friend, it’s about time you got out of that shell! You never even talk to me that much!”

Namjoon sighed gently at this because it was true. Even though Charles was a very eccentric person, with a very bright personality and was a very sociable person. Namjoon decided it was best to keep his distance, as he did not want to get to know someone, only for them to be hurt when he leaves and goes no contact 10 years later.

“If anything happens, you’ll know, Charles. You read me like a book” Namjoon looked around as if to signal his joke, to which Charles faked amusement and faked laughed at his attempt at a joke. “Please don’t say jokes like that, ever.” Charles said as he walked away leaving Namjoon to smile at the piece of paper with the phone number he has (lowkey-highkey) been desperate to obtain.

As soon as Namjoon got home, he fed Moni and decided to take a shower thinking of how his day went. His mouth softly turned into a smile when the thought of Y/N ran through his head. He remembered how soft her voice sounded to him, and how he would have liked to touch her fingers when he handed her the book, but reluctantly decided not to as he felt it would overstep an unspoken boundary. As Namjoon got out the shower, he saw that he had received a message. It was from Y/N! He smiled gently and unlocked his phone only to see the first thing she sent saying

“You. Are. Evil!” with a little crying emoji. He chuckled and then texted her back feigning ignorance, to which she replied with

“You know what you did! This is angst! PURE ANGST! How dare you! What do you mean her grandma has cancer?! It can’t be!”

As he got dressed, he couldn’t help but look at the stars outside his window, which prompted him to text her,

“Wanna go out on a mini date right now?” It was 10:30pm, he doubted she would say yes, but sure enough, she confirmed she could, and he texted her that he would pick her up from her house. She sent him a pin as a precaution and then he decided to bike his way towards her house. He felt it was safer for him to bike around town than to own a car. Owning a car would bring a lot of unwanted attention. As he got there, a 30-minute bike ride, he got down and phoned Y/N. She looked out the window and smiled holding her phone and got down towards the building entrance quickly.

“I thought you stood me up,” she said smiling as she approached him. He smiled and shook his head replying with

“No, I just don’t own a car” She nodded and smiled commenting on how eco-friendly the decision was, however, she continued by saying

“I don’t think where we’re going you can bike us, so… Let’s take my car.” He agreed taking out his bike lock to which she said, “You can leave it in my apartment, you know how it is here” Something which, Namjoon once again agreed with.

As they hoped in her car, he couldn’t help but notice the nice scent it had. To him, it radiated her essence. Y/N was excited to have met him again and to her, it truly felt like fate wanted them to meet again, it was even more exciting that he was now proposing a quick hangout. She didn’t exactly know where they were going, however, it didn’t stop her from being excited and feeling like her own clothes didn’t fit with how full she felt from this feeling.

As they made their way to Wassaic Multiple Use Area, the couple couldn’t help but feel nervous at the feeling that they were both experiencing. To Namjoon, this was something new, unexplored, it was liberating to feel so comfortable, and while yes, he was comfortable with Suyeon, it wasn’t enough to feel like he was being himself. It felt as though he was forced into a role, maybe by his peers, his own society at the time, he doesn’t know, but what he does know is that he felt, free. To Y/N, even though it wasn’t new, it felt like something worth exploring and something that would bring her happiness in the end. She has dated before, but nothing felt like this. Not only was Namjoon respectful so far about her as a person, but also listened and was understanding towards her. As they walked down the trail that led them to the stargazing section, at the very top, the couple couldn’t help but gaze at each other from time to time, there was a comfortable silence between them as the insects and little creatures of the night sang their tunes. It felt very peaceful and comforting.

As soon as they approached, Y/N ran to the very top while Namjoon stayed behind and looked at her with a soft gaze, a smile adorning his features. She signaled him to come towards the top telling him that the view was beautiful and as Namjoon got there, the view was beautiful, the stars shined as if only for them and he felt like he was in the best life he could ever have, for the first time, he felt alive.

“It’s so beautiful here, Junseo!” Y/N exclaimed as she looked at the stars. The moon was full, and the sky was clear, it felt like the moon was highlighting everything around them. This did not go unnoticed by Namjoon, as he, did not look at the stars, rather, he chose to look at how the moon’s shine reflected on Y/N’s features. It gave her a soft, gentle, innocent glow like she was made of glass, like she was something Namjoon shouldn’t touch, yet was so inviting to the eyes.

“You’re beautiful…” Namjoon said in a soft whisper, although he wanted to say that to himself in his mind, his mouth moved before he could even think properly. He felt his blood rush towards his cheeks, as he blushed at his own sudden confession. His hand moved towards his mouth in a quick matter when he saw that she had turned to look at him.

“I-… I didn’t mean to say that out loud” Namjoon said, almost like he was defending himself. She chuckled at this and smiled gently. The wind blew gently towards them, making her hair messy. She pushed her hair behind her ear, and looked at him with a gaze that said, to Namjoon, ‘I’m soft by your words.’

“I don’t mind getting compliments, especially if they come from you,” she said, something Namjoon blushed at. Namjoon decided that it was best to leave it at that and looked at the sky. She was right, it did look beautiful, if his eyes didn’t deceive him, he could make out even the milky way, in a very faint manner, but he could.

“I’ve decided… Where I want our date to be.” He looks at Y/N and smiles gently, her eyebrows were high as if to signal him to continue.

“We could go to this really awesome, quiet, café and talk about the book you’re reading” She smiled at this and looked at him nodding.

“But then… I’ll take you somewhere you’ve never seen before” She responded looking into his eyes. Namjoon felt himself smirk gently then looked down. He wasn’t going to tell her that he knew this city like the back of his hand, simply because, the boredom of his long life has turned him into a rather curious cat, thus, he explores every city, town, and state he visits just because he didn’t want to become completely bored with it.

After the date, Namjoon and Y/N headed toward her apartment. She had offered him to stay because it was already 2am when they came back, but he refused as he didn’t think it was appropriate for him to stay. She sighed and let him leave with the condition that they would be on the phone on his way back to his apartment, something that Namjoon obliged. It was now the next day, and Namjoon was getting ready to meet Seokjin for lunch. He sighed as he knew that Seokjin would pick something spicy to eat and began to mentally prepare himself to scold him once again, but for now, he decided to focus on Moni and feed him his raw food. Namjoon, being the attentive owner he is, decided not to feed Moni dry food, which is something he learned from his last dog. He decided that spending money as if it was for two people, was better for his dog’s health than buying dry food. He had heard Seokjin say that Moni was a fancy dog for this, but to Namjoon, it just seemed essential to have him on a well-balanced diet, like he would with his own body.

As Namjoon said goodbye to Moni and walked out towards the restaurant, he began to think about the next day and how excited he was to meet Y/N. He sighed gently thinking about how he has been letting his guard down but then decided that letting it down was better than being in a constant panic. He was glad that there was another person in his life that he could be comfortable with other than Seokjin. Namjoon didn’t want to admit it, but he was scared. He was scared to lose Seokjin, out of everyone, Seokjin has been his rock since they met, and Seokjin was the only one he was comfortable with.

At the restaurant, Seokjin made his way toward Namjoon. Seokjin had decided to eat at a Korean restaurant as he wanted to “feel at home”. Namjoon mirrored this, as he hadn’t had Korean food in a long while, deciding to leave that part of him behind as well. It’s not that he was not proud of his heritage or ethnicity, however, Namjoon felt like had he been out of the norm in the United States, more than he already is while being an Asian man, he would attract unwanted attention, and so, his Korean pride was behind him but never forgotten.

As the waitress appeared she didn’t hesitate to compliment how great it was for Seokjin to spend time with his grandson and how it was rare to see a grandson-grandfather moment in that day and age. Seokjin ordered the tteokbokki and dak galbi, while Namjoon just settled with some bibimbap. He sighed when he heard Seokjin’s order and look at him as if he was ready to scold him.

“I thought we talked about cutting back on spicy food, Jin…” He said, to which Seokjin rolled his eyes and head then look at Namjoon, almost pouting.

“I’m Korean! I love spicy food! It’s in my veins, how could you even think about asking me to cut down on spicy food?” Seokjin exclaimed, to which Namjoon sighed and replied saying,

“I’m not saying to completely give up on it, I’m saying, to eat less of it. Why would you order tteokbokki and dak galbi when both of those are spicy? It’s not healthy to eat an excess of spicy food, Kim Seokjin.” Namjoon said in a slightly rough, scolding voice. Seokjin smiled and looked down at his plate then drank the water that was beside him.

“You would make a great father, Joon…” This is something that Seokjin always brought up and something that Namjoon always got sad about. It’s not that he didn’t want a family, but how could he start a family when he’s ageless? When he doesn’t age? It would bring a hell of a lot of pain just thinking about the possibility of his children dying before he does. Namjoon said something to the effect of “Let’s drop it” to which Seokjin did as he knew that every time that he brought up children or him having a family, Namjoon would become quiet. Seokjin didn’t do this with negative intentions, he just wanted Namjoon to live a life and stop running away from everything every decade or so.

“Namjoon-ah…” Seokjin began to say, Namjoon felt his spine tingle, he loves hearing his birthname as it tells him that he, at the end of the day, was still himself. He hummed, signaling Seokjin to continue.

“I think, I’m gonna move to a retirement home” Seokjin informed him. Namjoon stopped chewing on his food and looked at him as if he was scared and asked why. Seokjin sighed and said,

“After Eunbi died, I felt alone. And now it’s getting harder to live in that house. My hips hurt more, and my arthritis is getting worse. What if I can’t grip the rails of the stairs well? What if I fall? Who will be there? I live alone.” Namjoon sighed and looked down at his plate saying,

“I’ve asked you to live with me and Moni in the farmhouse.” To which Seokjin shook his head and looked straight into Namjoon’s eyes.

“I can’t live my life running, Namjoon. I’m getting too old for that.” Namjoon looked at him with a soft gaze then looked down at his plate, understanding what he meant.

Although Namjoon didn’t say it out loud, he too was tired of living in fear, of running, of being caught for experiments and other things of that nature. He poked his egg yolk and said,

“I don’t wanna live like this anymore, Seokjin… I’m tired…” He looked around as if to check if there was someone else around him while he said “I’m 94 years old. You’re the only person who I’ve kept a relationship with. I’m just tired of… not living.” Namjoon said feeling his eyes begin to water. Seokjin, being the understanding friend that he is, grabbed Namjoon’s hand gently, giving it a reassuring squeeze. Namjoon looked down and wiped his tears gently, and in a soft voice asked Seokjin “Will I ever age…? I’m scared that I’m stuck like this forever…” Seokjin stood up, sat beside him, and hugged his friend as tight as he could.

Normally, one would be afraid of death, but Seokjin’s theory to this is because you’ve had such a great life, that you want to relive it, or that you’re young and inexperienced and feel the need to do more. However, Namjoon has not lived. He has been alive but never lived. While you don’t have to have children, a partner, or other things to live, this is something that Namjoon craved. He didn’t want to live a thousand lives every decade, he wanted to live one life for a hundred years.

Namjoon understood Seokjin’s decision and decided that it would be best for him as of now, while he thought of a solution. Namjoon decided that it would be best to go home as he didn’t want any more bad news. When Namjoon got home, he laid down in bed and thought about what Seokjin said. Ever since his late wife, Eunbi, passed away from cancer, Seokjin has been alone. Namjoon always offered Seokjin his place to stay, but Seokjin always declined stating the same thing “I can’t run away with you, Namjoon”. Which is something that tug on his heartstring every single time as it was a reminder that he, indeed, as running away from everything.

Namjoon decided to call Y/N, hoping that hearing her voice would bring some peace into his troubling mind. She did not hesitate to pick up the phone after the first two rings. A cheerful “Hello, Junseo!” greeted him. He felt his angst melt away at the sound of her voice.

“Can you do me a favor?” He whispered. She nodded, even though he couldn’t see her, he took her silence as a confirmation that she would help him with his troubles. At first, he wanted her to call him by his name, Namjoon, but he didn’t want her to think that his interest was built on falsehood or that he was faking being himself, so, he opted for the simplest request.

“Tell me about your day… I wanna listen to your voice.” He said in a soft, slightly rough whisper, something that definitely had an effect on her. He proceeded to hear her talk about her day, he learned from hearing her, that she was a manager on a law firm and how crazy it was to hear lawyers gossip about cases like old ladies in church or something of that nature. As she laughed and smiled at the ridiculousness that was happening around her, Namjoon felt his uneasiness melt. As she was smiling and laughing with him; he felt himself laughing at a ridiculous attempt of a joke a lawyer had told her to get into her pants. He liked this feeling and wished nothing more but to treasure it. His smile softly faded, and he asked her.

“What would you do… if from this day forward you couldn’t age?” She was left stunned at this. It wasn’t something that she had ever thought about, never in her 24 years of living had she thought about this question. The questions she always asked herself were always about how would her life end, never, what if it just never stopped.

“I suppose… I would feel lonely, right? Seeing so many people you love and care for pass away, their books closing as no new chapters are beginning…” Namjoon closed his eyes, it was as if he was being validated for feeling the way he felt. Seokjin always validated his feelings, but he felt sometimes that he validated them because Namjoon was a burden. And now, this person, whom he feels comfortable with, says his thoughts, and he can’t help but feel… seen.

“But… I guess… If I had your company, it wouldn’t be so bad, right? Live just becomes boring when you distance yourself, become just another speck of dust, but… If another speck of dust joins you and sees you, then you wouldn’t be so lonely, right? I guess what I’m trying to say is… If I’m with you, comfortable, seen, understood, cared for… Then, I don’t mind not aging.”

This made Namjoon smile, tears running from his eyes. He himself understood that being vulnerable was important, for any human connection, but still, the ever-longing fear of not being old with someone he loved and cared for kept growing. Namjoon decided to be a hermit not only to stop the other person from feeling pain, but also to stop himself from experiencing pain, loneliness, and suffering. That, however, has only caused more pain for him.

“Y/N… I…” he began to say, he didn’t know what to say. He wanted to tell her about his situation, even though it felt like it was too early. He didn’t care if he was being vulnerable if it was her. Namjoon closed his eyes and sighed softly. He looked at his ceiling holding his phone gently on his ear and said,

“I can’t wait to see you tomorrow.”

Y/N felt her cheeks blush at this, his voice was deep due to what she thought was a lack of sleep, and it was filled with so much sincerity and longing. She smiled at this and looked at herself in the mirror and fixed her hair gently as if she was in front of him. She closed her eyes, her smile widening more imagining that he was there.

“I can’t wait to see you too. I… kinda miss you” She chuckled gently. Something which Namjoon mirrored. She felt as if they were moving too fast, but she didn’t care. It felt right, he felt right, it felt perfect, and even if others were seeing red flags, she was only seeing how comfortable, loving, and sweet Namjoon was towards her. He was, to her, a perfect gentleman. Any other guy would have stayed the night, but he didn’t, respecting her space. And even though he didn’t kiss her yet, she felt as if they were both waiting for a moment, a perfect moment, where both of them were completely open to each other. She felt that even though he has opened up a lot, she has done so little, and maybe that’s why he’s so hesitant. But tomorrow will be the day, a day where she opened up over dinner and tell him everything about herself, just like he has been sharing little facts about himself.

“Let’s talk tomorrow, Junseo” she said. Namjoon felt his smile slowly disappear at the false name. Any other person would be happy to hear their name, but Namjoon was presenting himself to the world as “Jung Junseo” and even though he picked the name after his army buddy Jung Jungkook, he didn’t feel like it was his own to be proud of. He would rather prefer his own name being said by the lips he has been dreaming of kissing since the first time he saw them. He inhaled gently bracing himself for his next words.

“Goodnight, Y/N. Dream happy things” he whispered gently and hung up after hearing her say,

“Goodnight, Junseo. I’ll see you tomorrow.”

As Namjoon laid back, he thought about the possibilities of his date tomorrow. He hasn’t been anxious since he was in the military, a young 19-year-old. He smiled at the thought of him going to his mom and asking her to shave his hair. How nervous he was when he received his uniform, but the sense of nervousness faded as he thought about the fight he was going to put forward. Those feelings are back with him now. The thought of Y/N going up to him like she once did at the restaurant a couple of weeks back, and how she would look. He remembered the figure of her body and thought about how he wanted to explore it in a slow matter and mark his way down and up her body. He sighed thinking that he shouldn’t think that way about her because he was more than just a horny teenager, but he couldn’t help himself. He was sure that he wasn’t just sexually attracted to Y/N, he was also emotionally attracted to her, and this scared him.

He didn’t want to think of a future where she was old, and he was still looking like his 22-year-old-self. Where she was caressing his cheek and he didn’t have any wrinkles, while she had aged gracefully. He hugged his pillow and turned to the side and closed his eyes whispering to himself softly “I’m scared…” something that he hasn’t admitted out loud ever since he stopped aging. Kim Namjoon fell asleep after admitting his fears to himself.

[undiscovered-horizon]

Junes are for reflection - 11th Doctor x reader

<reuploaded from AO3>

Genre: fluff/angst; comfort fic Warnings: mentions of suicide, self-harm, psychological/religious/emotional abuse

Summary: Between thrilling adventures, you ask the Doctor to have a moment of stargazing. While watching a nebula that no other human eyes have seen, you open up about your secret, with Doctor holding your hand through the tears.

Author's note: This story contains description and/or implication of self-harm, emotional and religious abuse, and suicide. Please stay safe and do not read if one or more of those themes might trigger you. If you experience abuse, suicidal ideation, self-hate or self-harm, please seek professional help. There is so much more awaiting you than death and pain.

”Where to now? Your choice.” the Doctor was visibly excited.

”Can I...have a boring request?” You asked hesitantly.

”I’d much rather if you didn’t.” You knew he preferred a more exciting, thrilling pace of action.

”The thing is...we go around the universe saving everyone, well, you save everyone I just follow suit and pretend I’m brave, but that’s not the point. We go around galaxies, running basically, and we, or more like I, never really got a chance to just, you know, stop by and admire." You tangled your words. You were avoiding Doctor’s gaze in fear he’ll laugh at you. Honestly, who would prefer sitting down in silence over running from aliens and discovering parts of the universe no human eye has ever seen?

”Alright, admiring” He clasped his hands and looked at you. ”Any particular view in mind?”

”Oh, I’m not sure...a nebula? A galaxy? You know outer space better than I do.”

”A surprise it is.”

The TARDIS yanked them both, rattled, swung and abruptly stopped.

”Y/N” he began in a comically official tone. ”The Pegasus Nebula” he opened the door to show what was waiting outside.

And it was marvelous. Clouds of purple, orange and green formed a beautiful cascade among bright stars. If one tilted their head just enough, it did look a bit like a pegasus, with wings stretching out across unnamed stars.

You hesitantly sat at the edge of the TARDIS and looked at the wonder in front of you in silence. It was hard to believe it was all real. The Doctor, a bit unsure, sat next to you. Your thighs were almost touching.

”When I was a little girl,” you began. ”I had a children’s book about cosmos. Read it back and forth thousands of times.” you chuckled. “It was all so beautiful and enigmatic. Every time I read it, I imagined myself going on adventures across space as an astronaut.”

”How do you like the real thing?” He studied your face. An astronaut?, a thought ran through his mind.

”It’s...quiet. And calm. We could sit here for days and no one would care, no one would notice. The nebula would be perfectly still before our eyes.” you spared him a glance. ”I find it comforting. Some of those stars don’t even exist anymore. The others are giant burning gas orbs that look tiny from here. If they look tiny, how small are we? You wouldn’t notice if one or two stars stopped shining overnight. And just like that, the world won’t notice if I’m gone.” you said in a somber tone. ”Or if I mess up. The planets will spin and supernovas will explode. Our existence is just so...unimportant. It’s comforting.” you looked at the Doctor and noticed his puzzled expression.

He looked at you too.

”You have to be the strangest person I’ve ever traveled with, and you have some good competition.” his tone was friendly, he didn’t mean it as an offense. A hint of laughter hid in his voice.

A sad smile crept onto your face.

”Something’s more on your mind.” he noticed.

”It’s just...it’s June,” you answered. Your eyes darted away from the Doctor in anxiety. As if something difficult and unforeseen was approaching the stargazers. ”And June is, sort of, special for me. It’s going to sound silly but June is a month for me to take a step back, reflect and take a really deep breath.”

”Is it because the school ends? No, the summer starts?”

”No.” you smiled reassuringly at him and looked again at the nebula.

A deep sigh.

”It’s like an anniversary. In Junes I try to celebrate my life, because one June I tried to end it.” you said the last bit quietly, your voice barely audible in the silence of the universe.

And a silence fell between you too.

”Why?” He asked in a tender voice. Both of them were anxious, thinking about their words like a sapper who carefully thinks about his next move, with beads of sweat on his brow.

”I never felt like I fit in here. This world, I mean. I always felt like there has to be something more, something beyond daily life. It always felt like I’m waiting, waiting for something extraordinary to happen, to set my life in motion, to give me meaning. You see, Doctor, I’m not really passionate about anything. I also don’t have any remarkable talents. I’m not an interesting person in general...And I hardly ever felt loved at home. My brother was the good kid, always scoring high, really intelligent and religious. I was called rude, lazy, ungrateful, oversensitive, selfish...and once my mom wanted to call an exorcist on me because we disagreed.” a bitter laugh escaped your throat but its place was quickly taken over again by melancholy. ”My parents told me they wish they belted me harder when I was younger. I hated myself like no one else could.” you looked at him shyly, eyes watering.

”I used to cut myself as a punishment and a relief. It was addictive. Then I realized it’s not enough. If I was such a bad person with no real passion or talent, if I was such a burden...wouldn’t my redemption be relieving people of it? Of me?” A single tear rolled down your cheek and you quickly brushed it away in a hasty manner. ”When you’re so hopeless and lonely your chest starts to hurt, death seems like mercy.”

Doctor was at a loss. There was so much he wanted to say but the words just wouldn’t leave his throat. Right there, on the edge of the universe, he couldn’t afford to say anything other than the right words. He would never forgive himself if he did otherwise.

”You know, there’s a question I’ve been asking myself all this time and you, Doctor, might give me the most comforting answer, although its validity might be dubious.” You looked at Doctor with teary eyes. His hearts were breaking. ”You have to answer honestly, alright?” Your voice broke. The next few words you spoke so softly and quietly, as if afraid the eavesdropping stars might hear you: ”Am I a bad person?” Tears rolled down your cheek.

Doctor’s expression softened. A melancholic grin crept onto his lips. Your tears were wiped by his watch-wearing hand.

”Y/N...Y/N, Y/N'' he repeated quietly. ”Your name means wisdom in Raspharic and yet here you are, asking a silly question to a silly old man.” he held your hand. ”My brave Y/N'' his voice was distant as if he relived a memory. ”It’s rude to even ask that question. From the very moment, we met you can’t stop surprising me. There is hope and kindness overflowing in you, a gentle yet strong heart. You read people like they’re bullet point notes, everything about them seems so obvious to you. Y/N, you believe that every monster out there has a reason to do bad things, that none of them are just born that way. The way you defended those refugees, with so much...grace and bravery. You are the reason so many creatures are hopeful again. There is no monster that you couldn’t understand or love. You are brilliant, Y/N. And yet there are so many things about you I still don’t know.”

[luffles424]

Sunrise

☼ Pairing: Seokjin x reader

☼ Genre: angst, fluff, smut, angst with a happy end, post breakup au, actor!seokjin, fashion designer!reader, exes to lovers

☼ Count: 9.5K

☼ Warnings: 18+, accusations of cheating, poor communication, some arguments (the relationship at the end can be seen as turning toxic as communication breaks down, so be aware if you think that may now work for you or just need to be prepared), heartbreak, non-explicit description of panic attack, moments of emotional shut down

Smut warnings: teasing, soft sex, nipple play, body worship, oral (f recieving), multiple orgasms, unprotected sex (stay safe pls!), dirty talk, exhibitionism, bratty reader, rough sex, manhandling, bruising

☼ Summary: It’s been well over 10 years since you and Seokjin broke up. You’ve been doing fine. Until one night a dream rocks you to the core and you find yourself in a place from the past. Have you really moved on?

Has he?

☼  Newly added epilogue: Moonlight

☼ a/n: This is told both in the present and past, the flashbacks are in italics! The flashbacks also aren’t in order, but I believe they’re pretty easy to follow when they would fall chronologically.

Inspired by the 2000s emo playlist I listened to as work (especially Jamie All Over by Mayday Parade) Sorry if the tags seem a little scary, I’d rather overtag than have someone get blindsided while reading. But I hope you enjoy! Let me know what you think! My ask box is always open ~ 💙💙💙💙

The cool breeze washes over you, bathing you in the salty ocean air. It seems you found the perfect time to come out here. The light jacket you wore more than enough to keep you warm on such an unexpected trip. The sky is slowly being painted in pinks and purples and oranges as the sun slowly starts to sink into the horizon, small wisps of fluffy, white clouds occasionally obscuring the sunlight. You’ve always loved seeing the sunset out here. The colors reflecting off the ocean and leaving everchanging patterns before you. You’ve based plenty of designs on sunsets. 

The dress you wore to your first fashion week is still your favorite. The penultimate meeting of sunset and night sky. The outside was ombre layers of soft chiffon, shades of oranges and pinks and small bands of light purples. It pooled around your feet, you liked to think it made it seem like you had risen from the waters of a sunset reflection. The halter bodice wrapped around your neck in a shimmery, golden band. Hanging from the choker were thin golden chains, draped and connected to a golden belt at your waist. 

For all appearances, it appeared like just a sunset colored dress. But when you walked, or pulled the fabric apart at the slit in the front, it revealed a glittering deep purple fabric, speckled like a swirling galaxy. It had been the ultimate combination of the theme of yours and Hoseok’s collection, sun and moon. The dress still hangs in your closet, one of the few extravagant pieces you’ve held on too. You want to wear it again, you just have to find an occasion to do so. The dress deserves it. 

The scene before you specifically was what inspired it. Maybe not this spot specifically. There were a lot of memories tied to this spot that you tried not to think about typically. But you’ve always loved visiting the beach. Or lakes. Anywhere you could go and watch the sun sink into the water. Watch an uninterrupted sky blend colorfully with the water.

You can’t believe you’re back here though. It’s been easily more than 10 years since the last time you were at this beach, which is a drastic change from back then from when you came here all the time. Taking a seat on the bench beside you, you smile, a little sadly, as your fingers trace over the heart carved into the wood, weathered from years in the elements and use. But the letters are still clear enough and you skip over your initials, letting your fingertips trace the ‘ksj’ as you think on when they were put there. 

 The smile on his face is bright, as bright as the glint of sunlight off the small pocket knife in his hand. 

Your combined giggles fill the fresh spring air, the beach fairly deserted since you skipped your last two periods of school to come here. You hadn’t put up much of a fight when he made the suggestion during lunch. Your grades are good enough and it’s the last weeks of high school, you can miss a few class periods to have some fun, to spend some time together before university. Just in case you don’t get into the same one.

The scratch of the blade against the wood is softer than you expect, a gentle scratch, scratch, scratch as he meticulously and carefully carves your names into the wood. His tongue pokes out from between his lips and you fight the urge to coo at how cute he is. Doubling down on keeping quiet when you know doing so would also result in him being overly macho to prove he wasn’t cute. Not because he doesn’t believe he’s cute or anything, but he knows how much the faux display makes you laugh. You don’t want to interrupt his work when this seems so important to him.  

Finally he looks up from his work, proudly gesturing to the carving on the bench. 

“That’s so cheesy.”

With an exaggerated pout, he gives you the saddest eyes he can muster. “I worked so hard on this for you. As a testament to our love!”

You lean forward, pressing a kiss to his jutted lower lip. “Well, I didn’t know it was so serious. My apologies.”

 A few more kisses and he’d promptly forgiven you and the two of you had spent the rest of the afternoon at the beach, taking blurry pictures on your flip phones. You’re positive that a printed version of one of those photos still lives in a box somewhere, where you didn’t have the heart to throw it away and so it’s stayed in a box of memories that moves with you but you never really look through. 

 You’re so tired when you finally get home. It doesn’t even feel like home anymore. You’ve spent more time either in the studio or with Jimin or Hoseok or at work than you have here. And you know from the times that you are here that Seokjin is gone just as often as you. It doesn’t even feel like you’re in a relationship anymore. It hurts to think about that. 

So you’d thought summer would be the perfect time for the two of you to rekindle your relationship. Fix whatever problems you were having, free from the stress of finals. But with senior year quickly approaching, everything seems to have just gotten worse. You can never seem to catch Seokjin to start the process of fixing anything. 

To your surprise, when you open the door you find Seokjin sitting on the bed, face pinched as he stares at something on his phone. Maybe this will finally be the opportunity to talk and start fixing things. You miss him, body cold and numb the nights you fall asleep here alone, always waiting and waking up disappointed. 

Before you can say anything, his head lifts and the cold glare he sends you stops you in your tracks. What could possibly have happened to make him give you that look? You know the two of you have been having some problems, but nothing that would warrant that look.

“Where the hell were you?” His tone is as icy as his eyes. 

You frown, gesturing vaguely towards the fridge. “Work. I put my schedule up so you knew.” He didn’t have the same courtesy. You never knew when he was working. Or what else he was doing when he was out. You had put yours up in hopes that he would do the same and maybe you would be able to find time to be together. Though you’re not sure he even bothered to go near the fridge. The few times you’ve made dinner for him and left the leftovers in the fridge with a note went untouched. 

He sneers and holds his phone out towards you. You have to step closer to get a good look at the image he has pulled up. It’s from just a few hours ago. You and Jimin sat at one of the cafe tables and laughing. It had been your break and Jimin came in to keep you company. Had Seokjin come by the cafe? Why hadn’t he come in? If he’d been there when this was taken, you were on break, you could’ve spent it together. 

“Then what’s this? Certainly doesn’t look like work to me.”

Your mind blanks. Is he seriously accusing you of lying right now? Indignation rises, acid burning in your throat. “What are you saying? If you were there why didn’t you come in? I would have loved to see you.”

“I wasn’t there. A friend sent this. And I’m saying that you’re never around. And I keep getting people telling me they see you out with him all the time. I haven’t seen you in weeks. But it seems like he sees you every day.”

He can’t seriously be accusing you of cheating right now. This seriously can’t be happening right now. You don’t know whether to laugh or cry at the accusation. It hurts that he’d honestly think you’d do that. Then the ugly thoughts come. What’s that saying, those who are most guilty are the quickest to throw blame at others?

“First of all,” you grit out, trying your best to keep your tone even. You can feel the rage churning in your belly. “I was on break when that was taken. Jimin came to visit because he knew someone wasn’t going to.” Seokjin’s mouth opens to speak but you continue, voice raising. He is not going to get to cut you off now. “It’s awfully fucking rich for you to accuse me when you have no evidence. You’re never even around. You know what they say, it’s never the one being blamed but the one doing the blaming.”

He scoffs and stands. In his anger, he seems to tower over you. But you’re too angry and indignant yourself for it to feel intimidating. You stare him down. 

“You’re really going to accuse me now?”

“It’s the same thing you’re doing! I was hoping to fucking talk when I saw you were home. I was so happy to see you here. We haven’t been home together in so long. I-”

“We haven’t been home together because you’re always out with Jimin.” 

“No I haven’t been fucking home because you’re never home and it fucking hurts to be in this shitty apartment without the person who’s supposed to be here with me. Do you know how fucking lonely it is waiting around here for a person who never shows up?”

Turning away from you, he takes a few deep breaths. 

You deflate slightly. You could still fix this. “Seokjin-”

He shakes his head. “No, I don’t want to hear any more excuses.”

He moves towards the door and you panic. This isn’t how tonight was supposed to go. You wanted to fix things. To make them better. Everything has spiraled and you can’t let him slip through your fingers. You reach for his wrist.

“Seokjin, wait-”

He wretches his hand free and glances at you over his shoulder with so much contempt that you feel your heart in your throat. “No. I’m done.”

This can’t be it. This really can’t be it. He sees you about to speak again and turns and leaves before you can get a word out and it feels like the rug has been ripped out from beneath you. The silence deafening in his absence. 

You don’t know how long you stand there for. You feel completely numb. Like this is just a bad dream and you’ll wake up soon and Seokjin will be next to you and you’ll tell him about this and he’ll laugh and comfort you and tell you that would never happen. You expect tears, but they never come. Everything feels so surreal. 

The man you had planned to spend the rest of your life with just walked out on you after accusing you of cheating. 5 years and he really thought that was something you would do. Do you wait around? Hope he comes back for you both to talk with calmer minds. 

You settle for a text.

You: Can we talk once we’ve both calmed down?

It’s less than a second later and the response makes your heart sink. Blocked. 

He really blocked you already. He’s not even going to try? You sink onto the bed. What are you supposed to do now?

At some point, mechanically, you text Jimin, asking if he could come over and bring some boxes. Looking around, you’re at least grateful that your place was small because it means you don’t have that much to try to move. Jimin arrives, faster than you expected. Or maybe you’ve just become that disconnected from the passage of time. 

He drops the boxes and comes up to you, hands fretting over you like there’s some physical injury he can attend to. Unless he knows how to mend a broken heart, his fretting is useless. Instead you move on autopilot, taking the boxes Jimin brought and packing your meager possessions into them. Jimin stands by the kitchen, looking sad and lost, unable to help because you have yet to say a word. He knows what happened though. It’s not hard to figure out. You’re thankful that he doesn’t try to get you to talk. Just lets you move and do what you need. Waits for you to ask should you need help. 

You’re almost finished packing when you pull the shoebox from under the bed and you suddenly feel like you’ve been hit by a truck. Flipping the lid open reveals hundreds of photos. Of friends. Of family. Of trips. Of Seokjin. The top pictures pull your attention. Two copies of the same photo. A blurry snapshot of you two grinning on the beach. You both look so young and happy. You wish you could go back to that. Everything was so simple back then. 

He must have put his copy in with yours. Because why would they need to be kept in different places when the two of you would never be apart. You almost want to laugh. You mostly want to cry. You stand with the box, debate for all of two seconds before you set his copy down on the bed. He can decide what to do with his own copy. That’s not for you to decide. Not anymore. 

Tucking the shoebox into the last of the moving boxes, you cast one last look around the apartment. The holes where your things were hurt to see. The physical evidence that this part of your life is over. Carefully extracted from a life that had been so delicately intertwined. You wonder if the gaps will even bother Seokjin. If he’ll even bother staying here, if he’ll move onto something bigger and better. Without you. Swallowing, you turn to Jimin before those thoughts can spiral. Not here. Not yet. Once you’re somewhere else and alone. Then it can all come out.

“Ready?”

You give a small nod and Jimin helps take your things downstairs. He does most of the work while you wait on the sidewalk. He calls a taxi, loads your things into, gives the driver his address. 

As it pulls away from the curb, you can’t help but to watch the apartment shrink into the distance. Feeling like you left your heart behind. You wonder if you’ll ever get it back.

 Your phone dings with a notification, dragging you out of the sad memories. You give yourself a small shake. You hadn’t thought about that day in years, pushing it to the back of your mind. You had learned later on that some girls had told Seokjin lies about you to get the two of you to break up in a bid for his attention. It had backfired spectacularly because you found out through Hoseok after he overheard Seokjin yelling at the girl who asked him out less than a week after the break up. He never came to talk to you after the truth came out though. You never let yourself think too hard about why that might be. You’d already spent too many nights feeling numb and broken. You poured yourself into your work. Your friends. You had been content for your senior year. It didn’t go how you were expecting, but it was still good.

You smile at the device in your hand. It’s far more advanced than your old flip phones had been, even your college phone had been fairly low tech, the downsides of living on a budget. High school you would have killed for a camera this good back then. That blurry picture of you and Seokjin would’ve been much more clear if you’d had something like this back then. You swipe the notification away, just an email from your assistant about your schedule for tomorrow and what had been shifted around from today. But all that can wait until later, probably when you’re back home. The notification draws your attention to a text from Hoseok that you hadn’t seen though. He must have messaged while you were walking so you didn’t feel your phone go off. 

Hobihobi: Are you ok?

You smile at his concern. And honestly the fact that he even noticed you dipped out of the studio early. You had thought that he had been too busy on his own upcoming project to notice. It’s a pretty big deal for your label and he’s been working so hard to get this project. You’re just glad you have the perk of being boss to be able to dip when you need to. Although technically, you and Hoseok own your label, Daydream Designs, together. 

Texting him a quick reassurance, you pocket the device again, content to just enjoy the sunset out here alone. There’s a few people scattered around the beach. A few families beginning to pack up for the evening, a person running with their dog, a couple walking along the shoreline. 

You have such fond memories of this beach. For all the bad memories you have of the relationship, mostly from the end of it, at least the beach remains untainted.

 Nervously clutching the letter in your hand, your leg bounces as you wait for Seokjin to arrive. He’d texted you earlier that he’d gotten a letter from SNU. You’d rushed home to see you had a letter waiting as well. You were thankful that they had come on the same day. You can’t imagine how much more anxiety you’d have if you’d had to wait longer for one of your letters to arrive. 

You glance at the white envelope, the edges are beginning to wrinkle from your grip, but you can’t get your fingers to relax. Checking your phone again, you wonder where Seokjin is. He should be here soon. The beach is crowded today. The weather finally nice enough and the water clear and warm. It was a miracle that you’d managed to get your bench when you’d arrived. But someone had just been leaving when you’d gotten here and you’d quickly jogged over to take it before someone else could snatch it. It seemed like the perfect place to see what your future held.  

Seokjin appears suddenly, panting like he ran the whole way here. Which, given the sweat making his bangs stick to his forehead, is a good possibility. He still looks handsome, more so when he sends you a brilliant grin.

“You got our bench!”

Returning his smile, you send him a wink. “I had to fight an old lady for it.”

He presses a quick kiss to your lips as he sits down, brandishing his letter. “How do you want to do this?”

Chewing your lip, you think it over. “I don’t think I can open it.”

His eyes soften and he takes your hand. He can read you so well. “No matter what happens, we’ll always have each other.” He gives your hand a squeeze. “How about we open each other’s?”

Reluctantly, you nod. Would it really be better to see that he got in while still not knowing if you got in too? Swapping letters, you stare down at his name spelled out in ink. You know he got in. There’s no way he didn’t. Seokjin nudges you and you look up.

“Count of three?” You nod. “Okay… 3…”

“2…”

“1…”

Seokjin is a little faster in tearing open the envelope than you are but you keep your gaze firmly downcast, watching as your fingers tear open the paper with meticulous care. You skim his letter quickly. 

Congratulations.

He got in. Joy swells in you and you look up with a grin, momentarily forgetting your own letter. Your smile quickly falters though when you see the flat look on Seokjin’s face as he stares down at your letter and your heart sinks.

Tugging his hand to get his attention, you give him a sad smile. “Hey, it’s okay. You said-”

“You got in.”

You blink. His words swirling around your head but not fully registering. “What?”

He envelops you in a massive hug, laughing with joy. “You got in! Baby, you did it!”

You still feel a little dumbfounded, but you’re quickly filling with excitement. “You too! Jinnie, you got in too!”

He pulls back and presses a long kiss to your lips. His eyes look suspiciously wet, but you decide not to comment. You’re positive that your’s are probably a little wet too. “The next four years are going to be amazing.”

 He had been so optimistic back then. You could use some of that optimism now. 

You hadn’t originally planned on cutting out of work early, especially not to come here of all places. There were some designs that you needed to work on, a few ideas that you had that you wanted to get sketched up to show to Hoseok. But when you’d been walking through the common area during lunch, you’d overheard a couple of people gathered around a computer gushing about the Kim Seokjin wearing one of Hoseok’s designs. 

It’s definitely not the first time. Hoseok knew Seokjin in university when you knew him too, although you were always closer to him since you shared a lot of classes, and obviously a shared love of fashion. But the two were friendly and remained so afterward, but on a more acquaintanceship basis. The break up clearly divided some friendships, though you hated that it happened. You didn’t want anyone to feel like they had to stop being friends with either of you just because you two were no longer dating. 

You know it’s not the first time Hoseok has designed something for Seokjin. And normally, him wearing one of Hoseok’s designs wouldn’t bother you too much. Both because it’s good for Hoseok because Hoseok is a genius and deserves it, but because it’s also really good for your label in general in terms of good press. Though you know Hoseok sometimes slips your designs into things that get sent to him. You saw one of your jackets ended up at an award show. 

Idle chatter about Seokjin around the office isn’t that new. You suppose that’s one of the downsides to being in an industry that is very closely tied to idols and actors and actresses. It’s not an uncommon occurrence to hear them gossip about him, he’s one of the most popular drama actors currently and everyone loves to gush about how handsome and funny he is. They find it odd that you’ll talk about anyone with them except him. They leave it be much easier now, but in the beginning they still tried to include you. 

You’ve even dealt easily with the dating rumors. All the pretty actresses he’s supposedly dating. And why wouldn’t he? He’s gorgeous and talented and so, so kind. Any woman would be lucky to have him. You’ve been on the receiving end of his love. You know how easy it is to fall.

If your coworkers knew that you’d dated him in the past, they would think you were crazy to let him go. And maybe be a little jealous and probably pepper you with questions about him. You definitely are thankful they don’t know because the way some of them gossip about their own sex lives, they’d beg for details about a celebrity’s from first hand experience. 

 Excitement fills you as you sit in the airport. It’s finally summer. Your first year of college is behind you and you now get to spend two whole weeks with Seokjin in Jeju. Well Seokjin and his family. But they were kind enough to let the two of you have your own little place on the island. Well it was more of just the guest house to the main house they, along with Seokjin’s brother, would be staying at. 

This will likely be the only big summer trip you both take during college. Seokjin had originally planned to not go. More content to work all summer and save up money so the two of you could get an apartment off campus. His parents had offered to pay for a place, but Seokjin was adamant that the two of you wanted to do this for yourselves. 

You’d try to hide your disappointment about not going, but he knows you far too well and caved quickly to saying one trip wouldn’t hurt his independence. So now here you were, ready to fly out to Jeju. You haven’t been since you were little and you were excited that you got to go back and this time with Seokjin. 

The flight is quick and uneventful and Seokjin gets a taxi to take you to the beach house, his parents having arrived a few days prior. 

The main house is beautiful, but you’re more excited to see where you’ll be staying. The outside of the guest house looks like a miniature version of the main one. Inside, it’s spacious, all one room with an attached bathroom. The bed is separated from the living area by an ornate partition painted with a starry nightscape. The moon is painted in such gorgeous detail that you’re tempted to tell Seokjin you want to steal the partition when you leave. 

The living area is simple, a plush sofa and matching chair set facing a wall mounted TV. A small, well-stocked minibar is pressed against one wall. Around the partition and into the sleeping area is a large bed facing a set of french doors that open out onto a small deck that leads right down to the beach in two steps. 

Flopping onto the bed with a giddy giggle, you watch as Seokjin sets his bag down and gives you a fond smile. 

“Enjoying yourself?” he asks with a raised eyebrow.

You squirm back slightly, coy smile stretching your lips. “I don’t know. The bed seems kind of empty.”

He chuckles, sitting on the bed and tugging you into his lap. “Better?”

Humming, you press a kiss to his lips. “Much.”

When you go to pull away, he follows, capturing your lips in another, deeper kiss. “We don’t… have… a lot of time…” he murmurs between kisses. 

You give a vague affirmative, only half listening to his words in favor of pressing him back into the mattress. His parents can wait, you have some important business first.

 The night air is cool, the french doors left open, gauzy curtains shifting in the gentle breeze. Shifting onto his side, Seokjin presses a gentle kiss to your shoulder, soft and unhurried. It’s only been a couple of days since you’ve been here. But it’s been utter bliss, especially after the exhaustion from finals. 

You nudge the sheet lower down your bodies and press closer to him. Tonight seems like the perfect time for something soft and unhurried. A perfect time to really connect again. No hurrying because of classes, or roommates, or meetings. No papers to worry about. 

Just you and Seokjin. In a plush bed with a cool, ocean breeze enveloping you. If you peek through the curtains, you can just make out the shape of the moon, the illumination making Seokjin glow before you. 

He’s already bared to you. Both of you showering off the ocean water from an evening dip and simply crawling into bed together afterwards. The TV is off, the only sounds filling the room is the rustle of the sheets as you move and the lapping of the waves on the shore. You dare not speak and break the peaceful atmosphere and Seokjin seems to be on the same wavelength. 

Neither of you need to speak to know how to move around each other here. He cups your face, such a gentle caress, like you’re the most fragile and beautiful thing he’s ever held. It makes you feel cherished. He leans closer and time seems to slow down with the press of his plush lips to yours. He takes his time kissing you, so slowly like you have the rest of eternity for just this moment. 

Pushing you onto your back, Seokjin cages you in, enveloping you in the safe blanket of his embrace. His scent is overwhelming like this, you could drown in it. His hips press into yours, cock not fully hard yet, but that doesn’t matter. This is about taking your time with each other. You wrap your arms around his shoulders, hands sliding from his neck up into his hair.

The strands are a little dried out, a combination of the salty ocean water and the fresh bleaching it got. His parents hated it at first, but he defended it as just college experimentation. It’s supposed to be a time of discovery and why not try different hair colors. He’s unfairly attractive with the bleach blonde, just as handsome as his natural brunette. You know he plans to dye it another color. But he’s yet to tell you what it’ll be. 

You give his hair a light tug, relishing the sigh he releases against your lips. 

“Tell me what you want.”

“Just you.”

“You always have me.”

Seokjin nudges your thighs apart as he kisses across your jaw and down your neck. Trailing across your collarbones, he leaves a line nips down to your sternum. His hands slide up your sides till they meet your breasts, fingers cupping the soft flesh as he peppers kisses across the expanse of your chest. He traces one nipple with his tongue, teasing the bud to stiffness with each swipe. He moves on to the other one, changing it up and using his teeth this time. The air fills with your soft moans, blending with the waves outside. 

Moving lower, Seokjin kisses your belly, taking his time to touch every little mark across your skin. Pleasure simmers in your belly, every nerve burns like a live wire. Over all that, you feel loved. Absolutely worshiped as Seokjin presses a kiss to your mound with such reverence that you think he might convert right here and now. 

Seokjin eats you out just as slowly and thoroughly as he kissed you. He savors you with each swipe of his tongue, every suck, every twist of his fingers. Seokjin plays your pleasure like a fine-tuned instrument, drawing you ever so slowly to the edge. Your fingers thread through his hair once more, not to be demanding, but for the sake of feeling grounded. His tongue laps at you like you’re a ten course meal and he wants to savor every single morsel. When you chance a glance down at him, his eyes are closed, handsome face, what you can see of it at least, smoothed out in utter bliss. 

When you finally cum, it feels like sinking into pure euphoria. Seokjin drags it out for so long and so gently that you cum a second time. Though you’re so lost in sensation that maybe it’s still the first orgasm.

Pushing himself to his knees, his face glistens with your slick and you feel bereft with the distance suddenly between you. You reach out for him and he falls right into you, lips crashing against yours as his cock presses against your pussy. But you need more than that and you squirm, drawing a chuckle from deep in his chest. 

“Impatient…” he murmurs.

But despite his teasing, he shifts until the tip of his cock catches your hole and he slides in with languid push. You sigh his name and he answers with a nod, lips brushing your neck as he pulls back and starts a slow, almost lazy, rhythm. You cling to him, nearly delirious with pleasure. 

Nudging Seokjin, you pull him in for a kiss of your own. “I love you.”

He groans into your mouth. “Fuck… I love you too. So much.”

You lose track of time, your pace unhurried. Seokjin cums at some point and the two of you lay facing each other and exchanging soft kisses until you drift off to sleep. 

 You whine as Seokjin slips his cock into you. He’s been teasing you all day on the beach. At one point while you were in the water with him, his fingers slipped beneath your suit to tease along your pussy. You’d nearly screamed at the sudden sensation, but Seokjin had merely laughed and floated out of your reach, sending you a wink as he licked his finger. The second you returned to your room from dinner he was on you. This is so different from the other night. Somewhere in between the rushed couplings in the dorms and the slow, soft sex from then. It feels just as good, a little rough, fun, light. Perfect.

Seokjin grins cockily above you. “I barely did anything and you’re so wet for me, baby.”

Huffing, you try to kick at him, but he easily pins your leg down. He tuts and delivers a thrust that jostles you up the bed and draws a gasp from you. He looks entirely too pleased with himself. 

Before you can formulate any other sort of retaliation, the sound of voices catches your attention. Glancing to the side shows that neither of you shut the french doors. The voices don’t sound close, but they are near enough for you to hear. It’s not too strange, the beach is there for anyone. But it’s the first night that anyone has been out there, at least close enough for you to be able to hear from your bed. Music soon follows the voices. A party. 

Unbidden, the thought of someone breaking away from the party, coming down the beach this way and passing by the open doors has you clenching around Seokjin. He gasps at the sudden tightness, blinking down at where you’re connected. Licking his lips, he follows your gaze and a moment later, you see realization cross his features. 

His resulting grin is downright dangerous. “What’s got you going, baby? Hm?”

Swallowing, you turn back to him, blocking out the voices. You will not give him the satisfaction. “Nothing.”

Fingers digging into your hips, Seokjin glances towards the doors again. He gives a harsh thrust that pulls a startle moan from you. “Nothing, huh? I don’t think that’s true.” He turns back to you and there’s a dark look in his eyes. “I think that you want someone to walk by and see us. That the idea of being caught is exciting.”

You scoff, deliberately turning your face away from the doors. “I’m actually bored and thinking about what we’re doing tomorrow.”

Seokjin blinks at you for a moment before chuckling darkly. “Is that right?” You nod. “Oh, we’ll see about that.”

It sounds like a threat and a challenge. And you’re never one to back down from a challenge. “Well in the morning, we’re meeting your parents for brunch…” 

Seokjin’s tongue presses against his cheek as he slams his cock into you. It would force you up the bed if not for his bruising grip on your hips keeping you firmly pinned in place, forced to take the full brunt of his cock spliting you open. 

But you’re just as stubborn as him. “Then we’re going… to the spa… oh my g-god… you… you made… p-plans for lunch…” 

Every few words you stutter out are punctuated by another harsh thrust. Your legs are pushed towards your chest and his next thrust has his cock rubbing along your g-spot and for a second, your mind blanks on what’s happening, pleasure so sudden and searing that you forget everything but the full feel of Seokjin’s cock inside you. He starts to grin then, victoriously, and that pulls you out of it just enough to continue, gritting your teeth as he continues to fuck you.

“Said you had… a surprise… then we were going to… oh, fuck… gonna go to t-town… buy some… gifts… Seokjin, please…”

He grins. “Gonna admit what you were thinking about?”

One hand leaves your legs, thumb brushing your clit and your resolve crumbles with your rising desire to cum. 

“Fuck… yes! I want someone to walk by. See you fucking me, making me cum, making me feel good… Seokjin, please…” you whine out.

“Well, why didn’t you just say so?”

His rough thrusts pick up again. This time accompanied by the rhythmic movements on his fingers on your clit. Your orgasm builds quickly and leaves you breathless as Seokjin forces you over the edge. You cry out, heedless of the volume of your voice. If anything, the thought of someone hearing how Seokjin makes you feel makes you shudder with pleasure.

Seokjin groans, hands dropping to the bed as he chases his own orgasm, smothering his moan of your name against your shoulder. 

When he’s caught his breath, he raises his head, a mischievous twinkle in his eye. “So… exhibitionism, huh?”

 The stories you had are probably worth a lot. Which is why you keep them to yourself. No one but you and Seokjin need to know those details. Especially not some of the more nosy people you work with. Hoseok thankfully played along with only knowing him on a professional level and not that you all went to university together. 

It’s typically pretty easy to just ignore the chatter when it comes up about him. But a couple days ago, you had a dream about him. One that after you woke up, you couldn’t recall almost anything about it. Except his face and the heavy feeling in your heart. His smile was burned into your mind and has left you feeling off since then. The mention of him today combined with the weird feeling brought back a whole slew of memories and things you had thought you’d long since moved past. To the point that you made the decision to leave work to work early because you were so confused. Why you were suddenly feeling like this about someone who you thought you’ve been over for more than 10 years. 

You never thought you’d be here back in university. Together with Seokjin. You both had thought you’d be together forever, whispered together about getting married, about the future. The things you’d do and the places you’d go to. 

 The arm around your bare waist tightens, a firm chest pressing into your back. 

“What’re you thinking about, baby?” Seokjin murmurs into the skin of your shoulder.

You chew your lip nervously before shifting in his grip so that you’re now facing each other. You’ve been thinking about a lot of things as freshman year draws to a close. All of them lead back to Seokjin.

The afternoon sunlight peeks in through the curtains, casting golden light across him and the dormroom. It’s an odd time to be in bed together, but it’s one of the only moments that you both have free and there’s no dormmates around to bother or have to kick out. Though you know Yoongi, Seokjin’s roommate and faux reluctant friend, would give you both the space if you asked. You don’t want to be the person that kicks him out constantly, so for now, you both are content to steal some free moments during the day when Yoongi has classes. Maybe next year you can think about getting a little place off campus together. A place both for you guys and maybe for your friends to visit and hang out at. 

You think Seokjin looks the most beautiful under the afternoon light regardless. Seokjin pecks your nose, drawing your attention back to him and his question that remains unanswered. You feel a little nervous bringing up what you were thinking about. But the two of you have been together for almost 3 years. You should be able to bring it up to him.

Swallowing your slight nerves, you finally speak. “Was just… thinking about the future…”

His answering smile is warm and gentle and you feel like the world could crumble around you and you would be safe here in his arms. “I hope I’m there.” 

Giggling, you press a kiss to his lips. “Of course. I can’t imagine a future without such a handsome man on my arm while I attend extravagant parties and get all the jealous stares to be dating someone so much younger than me.”

Gasping with as much drama as you expect from him, Seokjin falls onto his back, hands clutched over his chest. “I can’t believe this! The truth has finally come out! You’re only with me for my youthful looks!”

Fond smile growing, you settle your hand over his as he continues a dramatic monologue about the ultimate betrayal. You wish he would listen to you about changing his major. You know he’d love being an acting major much more than he currently is in his business major classes. A major he’s in only to appease his family. 

Finally tired of his dramatics, you lean up and press a kiss to his lips, effectively silencing him. “I love you,” you murmur against his lips. 

 You wonder when he changed his degree. Or if he ever did. You know plenty of people who go into acting without the degree and Seokjin certainly had the inherent talent to do it. It would be easy to verify if you just looked him up. Someone who’s so in the spotlight now would certainly have his degree information online. But you don’t want to do that. You wonder how invasive that must be. Although you and Hoseok are beginning to get that popular too, you wonder if those sorts of things will begin to happen to you. You can’t imagine you’d be very interesting to follow around. 

Truthfully, you don’t know what would be worse in regards to the fate of Seokjin’s degree. If he had done what you had told him all along and changed his major after you two broke up, or if he had decided to follow his dreams even if he didn’t have the degree for it. It’s undeniable that it hurts either way. The first time you’d seen him in a trailer had sent you spiraling in a way that you hadn’t since the breakup. 

 There’s a pounding at the door, but you can’t find it in yourself to get off the couch. The TV is still on the channel it had been on last night and you’re still sat in the same place as then. Honestly, you only know that it’s at least morning because there’s light streaming in through the windows and when you had seen the trailer it had definitely been evening. 

You had been watching some show, whatever you landed on first that seemed at least mildly entertaining, while eating dinner. A quick break from the sketches that are scattered across your coffee table. Sketches that could lead to your first big contract.  

But your peaceful and exciting night of work had been interrupted when you’d seen a preview for a new drama. A new drama with Kim Seokjin. It had been crushing to see. You had been telling him to do that for so long. To the point that it became one of the contributing factors in your seemingly inevitable breakup. 

It seems then that the problem was never with whether or not he would follow his dreams after graduation. It was just if you would be there with him. You cried when you saw it, a vice of bitterness around your heart that while you don’t get to celebrate with him, you’re so happy that he’s doing what he loves. You’re fairly certain you stopped sometime around midnight, though the night was a little hazy as your thoughts circled around one thing. How he hadn’t wanted you there with him.

The banging at your door stops at some point, though you don’t know how long they kept it up for. And then your door is suddenly being shoved open, banging against the wall and there’s two sets of footsteps moving quickly into the apartment. You hear a muffled ‘fuck’ and then you’re being enveloped in a hug. 

It takes only a moment for you to realize who it is, the orange-y scent of Jimin’s favorite cologne washing over you. Your breath stutters then, it hurts to breathe so you bury your face in his chest and his arms tighten around you. He murmurs comforting words and someone else sits behind you, hand gently rubbing your back. 

Eventually, you calm down and you pull away to give Jimin a weak smile, one that you direct to Hoseok as well when you see him behind you. Jimin returns with a pained smile of his own. 

“You saw, huh?” You nod and Jimin sighs. “I had hoped that you wouldn’t see it last night. It’s what I was planning to tell you at dinner tonight. So you could be prepared for it. I’m so sorry I waited to tell you.”

You shake your head quickly. “No, you have nothing to apologize for.” You rub your neck. “I… I didn’t think I would react quite like this… It’s been 3 years. You worked so hard to help me out of that dark place-”

Jimin puts a hand over your mouth, cutting you off. “No, you worked hard to get yourself out of that dark place. I was just there to hold your hand. It was a tough breakup. It’s understandable if there’s occasionally things that bring that heartache back up.”

You nod slowly, not fully believing his assertion that he just held your hand post break up. You probably would’ve dropped out of university after the breakup if you hadn’t met Jimin. You look between him and Jimin. “H-how did you know to come?”

Hoseok gives a sheepish grin. “You didn’t show up to work and I got worried. I texted Jimin on my way here and he seemed to know exactly what had happened.”

“Now that we’re here. How about I go get all of us some junk food and you two find something trashy for us to binge?”

 After that, it got much easier to see him on your screen. Or on screens in the train stations. Or plastered on ads and billboards. 

It helped you actually, to finally, truly move on from him. A sort of immersion therapy to numb you to his face. You didn’t need him to be happy. You loved your budding design business with Hoseok, clubbing with Jimin, dating both casually and more seriously. It all got easier with time and you’re grateful for the friends that you have. Your friends have always been there for you, even back then. 

 Your first birthday after the breakup was rough. Seokjin always planned something elaborate and thoughtful. There would be none of that this year. You went to work in the morning, gave your coworkers a fake smile as they wished you a happy birthday with a cupcake in the breakroom before you opened the cafe. It was sweet of them to do, but the breakup was still far too recent for you to truly enjoy anything like this. 

Jimin had night classes so you would have the evening alone. You at least had your own room now instead of sleeping on Jimin’s couch in his old apartment. You had protested his plan to move to a two bedroom apartment for you both to share so you could have your own space. You knew on your meager wages you’d never be able to help with rent at such a large place. You and Seokjin had barely been able to afford your studio together.

But Jimin insisted. He had more than enough to cover rent and you could just save your money. Or buy groceries and cook. He hated cooking, could do it just fine but was too impatient for it. It seemed like incredibly inadequate compensation for him giving you a place to live, but he just smiled and said that’s what friends do for each other. You had cried and he teased you afterward and then made you buy him ice cream. But you agreed to moving and letting him help. 

And it was nice to have your own room. It was great to live with Jimin. He was the sweetest and seemed to always know exactly what you needed. Hoseok visited often too, though you don’t know if he was coming to see you or Jimin more some days, and the three of you worked hard to get through your last year of university. Together. 

But with Jimin in classes tonight, the apartment would be empty. You didn’t really feel like cooking either. So you’d probably just have some ramen. If you could even be bothered to eat to begin with. You freeze when you get to your floor, brows knit in confusion when you see a beautiful bouquet of red and yellow lilies, interspersed with sheep sorrels. The vase is a glossy deep blue, splashes of purples and pinks and speckles of white paint of soft starry night. 

You wonder who they’re for. They must have been left at the wrong door. You carefully look through the petals for a card, finding the glossy little square quickly. Tears gather in your eyes when you see the little cartoon cat head sketched into the blank area of the card. It’s a little cruder than you’re used to seeing, the ear slightly misshapen, the cheeks a little too chunky, the lines a little unsure. 

But it’s unmistakably Yoongi’s cat doodle. Meaning he must have dropped these off for you, even though you and Seokjin have broken up. And you’re not even sure if he knew where your new place was. You’d have to thank him soon for them. It makes the day a little less rough to have something so pretty. To know someone was thinking of you.

 You never did get the chance to thank him properly for the gift. At least directly. You’d taken him a coffee, a few days later, as thanks. He’d looked a little confused but never questioned or made you say anything out loud. Which you’re grateful for. Just because you and Seokjin split up, didn’t mean you and Yoongi couldn’t still be on friendly terms. Though you haven’t properly talked to him in quite a while. Maybe you should ask him to meet up soon. See how he’s been doing. 

But even with all the progress you’ve made and all that your friends have done for you, you still have the occasional bad day. Looking back on it, it had been years since you had one that affected you enough that you had to take off work specifically in regards to Seokjin. You’re really not sure what made it seem like the beach, this beach was the best place to go. But there was just something that called you here. 

For as painful as the breakup was, Seokjin was your first love. He was amazing while you were together. Always loving and supportive. Even when things started to fall apart.

 With a groan, you push the apartment door open, giving a harder shove when it gets jammed. Like it always does and your landlord refuses to do a thing about it. The lights are off when you finally get the door shut and your heart sinks. Seokjin was supposed to be home. You haven’t seen him for more than a few minutes in the last week. This was going to finally be the night you spent together. Throwing your bag down, you flick the lights on, seeing the cramped studio apartment is indeed empty. You pull your phone out, seeing if maybe he just ran out for something or if he was running late, but there’s nothing. 

You try not to let your disappointment consume you and instead grab your sketchbook from the shelf and decide to get some sketches done while you wait, hoping, probably vainly, that Seokjin will be back soon. 

You jerk awake to the sound of the door slamming and when you blink blearily at the clock, it’s nearly midnight. You turn to watch as Seokjin kicks his shoes off, weariness written in his posture. 

“Hey,” you croak and Seokjin gives no indication that he heard you. “Where were you?”

Seokjin straightens and sighs before turning to you. There’s a dead look in his eye that you’ve never seen before, let alone had directed at you. “Out.”

For all that you had been sad or worried, anger and confusion surges through you at his complete disregard. “Out? You could’ve texted. We were supposed to have a night in together.”

His jaw tightens and he drops his bag beside yours before moving towards the bathroom, the only place in this shithole with a door. “I had to study.”

And before you can say anything else, the bathroom door is slammed shut behind him. You stare at it incredulously. He can’t be serious. You’re just as stressed as he is. Finals are creeping in and along with that is planning for senior year. At the rate you’re going, summer is going to be unbearable. 

 You sigh, shaking the memories away. You don’t want to dwell on the bad anymore. Even if the breakup was crushing, the good times were amazing. With the sun finally below the horizon, the moon takes its place, casting cool white light across the beach. And with it, comes the peace of being alone. You let the sound of the waves lull your thoughts to silence.

But the sound of footsteps pulls your attention, confused because the beach is basically deserted at this time, the chill brought in with the moon driving most people inside. Your breath catches in your throat when you see Seokjin standing not far from you. The wind blows his hair from his face and he looks tired. A little older, but still just as handsome as he was in university.

There’s no way that this is happening. You must be dreaming. That’s right. This is just another dream. A weird continuation of the one from a couple of days ago. Seokjin isn’t really here. Not at the same time as you. Not when there’s no one around. Not when your heart feels vulnerable and you can admit that you maybe really, really miss him. Sometimes.

But the chill from the wind feels real. The wood biting into your palms where your grip has tightened on the bench feels real. He looks real and handsome and devastating. Every bit like the man who stole your heart in high school and broke it in college. Who loved to make sure his loved ones were always laughing. Who had such a flair for dramatics that it was never a surprise that he’s such a popular and talented actor. 

The jacket wrapped around his shoulders is unmistakably yours. A silly, casual design that you had done but never put into a collection cause there was never one it fit. You had sewn it on a whim, the idea eating away at you until you made it, settled the itch in your fingers. There’s only one way that Seokjin could’ve gotten that.

Hoseok. 

Have they been talking more than Hoseok let on?

Seokjin hasn’t noticed you yet and you’re wondering if you’d be able to slip away without having him notice you when he turns and freezes. He seems just as surprised and blindsided to see you as you are to see him. You stare at each other and it feels like an eternity and a million conversations pass between you both. He swallows and closes the short distance between you both and tentatively takes a seat beside you. 

He looks nervous when he turns towards you. Clearing his throat after a moment, he sticks his hand out, tentative smile on his face. “Hi, I’m Kim Seokjin.”

You almost laugh. It’s such a him thing to do. As if you would ever forget him. Seokjin left a scar on your heart, you’d carry a little piece of him for the rest of your life.

But the introduction feels like more than a way to break the tension. There’s a question hiding in his innocuous words. Is this okay? Can I be here? Can we be in each other’s lives again? 

Most importantly, it feels like a fresh start. A new chapter. You and Seokjin are different people now. You’re both successful. You’ve grown, matured, learned. You’re no longer the starry-eyed, hopeful kids in college. Full of dreams and hopes, but with so little experience. 

Who knows, maybe there won’t even be romantic feelings between you anymore. Maybe you’ll just end up friends. 

But maybe this new start is what you both need. The sun may have set on your relationship in the past, but maybe it was just what you both needed to let the sun rise now. Something new, and exciting, but still a little bit familiar. 

You take his hand with a smile. “Hi, Kim Seokjin. It’s a pleasure to meet you.”

[disasterfandoms]

Hold On To The Stars ~ A Trent Sawyer x Scott “Full Metal” Carter

This is literally the closest I’m getting to a Trent/Metal gif. Sigh.

A/N: Welcome Back to the series that causes me great pain to write but I adore it so: the murder series! This week I’m stomping on my own heart, because no one is safe! This is a song fic, so if you do please, this is based off of Hold On by Chord Overstreet, and “In the Stars” by Benson Boone.

TW: death, ventilators, life support, angst, tears, suicide mentions

Taglist: @milfdeacon @bravo-four-seal-team @jayhalsteadfan-2417 @chibsytelford @mrsmarvelous1995 @rebelwrites​

This can’t be happening.

He gripped his husband’s hand, rubbing his thumb other the cracked, purple knuckles, watching as the ventilator breathed for him.

It was just a stupid fight, right? He never thought his husband needed any help,

“Hey baby, I know it’s been a while,” he started, speaking in a low tone as he sat down, photo of their wedding day in hand. “It’s been hell without hearing you speak, I miss you so much.”

He couldn’t stop the tears, even if he wanted to. He couldn’t stop thinking about how their daughter, who just turned four months old, would never get to see her Dad again, never get to hear his voice.

“I love you, Scott,” he whispered, his voice crackling from the tears. He wouldn’t stop squeezing his hand, hoping, praying the man before him would squeeze it back. “I know this is the right thing to do,” he continued, “But I need you to fight it, alright? I need you to come home...” he sobbed, laying his head on their hands.

How was Trent going to do this? How could he live, raise their daughter, without Scott? This was his husband, the man he loved more than anyone on this Earth. Metal was the man he’d listen rock their baby to sleep every night, telling her about the stars, the universe and the amazing life he had lead.

He didn’t hear anyone come in, his cries drowning out their footsteps. One by one, though, each member of their team had came in, with Commander Blackburn being the last one in the room. 

They put hands on his back and shoulders, squeezing him to comfort him, remind him he wasn’t alone.

But he was, now. 

He was forever alone, his husband leaving the world, leaving him and their baby girl to leave without him.

He felt the world go dark, the second he heard the flatline.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

8 months later, he walked up the quiet road, letters and flowers in hand. He had been back every week since he passed, to talk about everything and anything.

It amazed him how his husband was still the only person he could tell his problems to.

He found the gravestone, sitting in front of it as he laid the flowers down, his last bouquet sitting where he had left them. If Metal could see him, he would call him a sensitive bastard, for leaving them every time he came.

He paused for a few moments, taking in his surroundings, how serene the landscape was. His mind flashed to the day it happened, how hopeless he had felt since.

“Our baby had her first birthday yesterday,” he continued, taking a swig from the flask in his leather jacket pocket. “Decided on a galaxy theme, like you had thought about when we had her. She points to stars every night, I think she’s trying to find you when she does.”

It took everything in him to keep his composure, shaking his head as he continued, “I found the letters you had left us. You had a flair for the dramatics, you know that?” He couldn’t help but laugh, looking at the envelopes. “I won’t read yours to Charlotte, bring her here in a few years when she can understand.”

He took a few moments of silence, staring at the letter addressed to him. “I’ve never understood why you didn’t let me help you,” he whispered, sighing when he opened the letter.

“My Love,

If you’re reading this, that means I’m gone. Whether that means I ended my suffering, or I died with my men, well, does it really matter?

You and Charlotte were the best things to have ever happened to me, T. I’ll never be able to thank you enough for the years we’ve had together, You may have been a pain the ass at times, but I wouldn’t have had it any other way.

Keep her safe, and happy. And, don’t let her forget me? I know I’ve left when she was young, but I hope I’ve influenced her life, even a tiny bit. 

I’m sorry I won’t be able to hold your hand, or watch her grow. I wish I could have held on, but it was getting too much, it was all just so, so much.

Find someone who loves you, Trent, that you love back. You deserve to find someone who makes all your dreams a reality. I’m sorry it wasn’t me.

I love you,

Scott.”

He clutched the letter to his chest, sobbing as he finished reading it.”I love you,” he bawled, “I love you...”

[endcryst4l]

the best shark friends

third part in the series, gn!reader meeting tubbo! the first two parts are not necessarily needed to be able to read this one though!! let me know what you think, enjoy :D

part 1 (favorite galaxies) / part 2 (fairy tale)

“(Y/N)?” Tommy’s voice rang through your headphones. Techno and you were on a call together, both silently doing your homework. “Hm? Oh, hey Tommy. What’s up?” you answered. ���Techno and I are home alone today and Tubbo is coming over and we wanted to go to the aquarium with you!”

he smiled widely and Techno’s eyes widened, mouth opening to protest. This wasn’t the plan they agreed to. “I’d love to!” you said before Techno even had the chance of saying no. Tommy cheered and climbed out of Techno’s lap. “(Y/N) this is going to be a day of torture, oh my god.” Techno groaned as you laughed, “hey we can do this. Do you have enough food to bring along? I could stop by the store to get some on my way to your place.” “That’d be nice actually,” Techno said, scratching the back of his head, “we ran out yesterday and I forgot to go to the store.” 

“At what time are we picking Tubbo up?” you asked, finishing up the last exercises. “Uhh 2 PM, so in an hour.” he answered while also working on the last bit of his homework. You hummed, “I’ll get going then. I’ll see you in a bit, I love you.” “I love you too (Y/N).”

After cleaning up your desk, you got ready to leave. Quickly scanning your backpack to see if you had everything you needed you put on your jacket and headed out to the store. You bought some snacks and water bottles, deciding on making some PB&J’s at Techno’s place as well. You said goodbye to the cashier and made your way over to Techno, mentally already preparing for the day ahead.

~

Tommy had seen you arrive through the windows and quickly ran to the door, opening it before you even got the chance to knock. “(Y/N)!!” he exclaimed while lunging at your legs. “Hey big guy!” you laughed, ruffling his hair. “Hey love.” Techno said while walking over to you. “Hey Tech.” you answered and kissed him, making Tommy gag. Techno sighed and you rolled your eyes smiling, getting a warm feeling all over. Every day you grew more appreciative for the bond you created with Techno and his family. 

“Do you want to help me draw something for Tubbo?” he asked, looking up at you hopefully. You smiled, “after I’ve made some PB&J’s I’d love to.” He nodded, before walking off to the kitchen table where all of his supplies were spread out already. “How are you feeling?” Techno asked as he closed the door behind you two. “Kind of nervous but otherwise good. What about you?” you answered, while walking to the kitchen. “Preparing for insanity.” he dryly said and you laughed, almost dropping the jar of peanut butter. “Are they really that bad?” you asked Techno, who was now looking at you with a look of disbelief. “You’ve met Tommy. Him and Tubbo are like amplifiers of each other, especially in environments where they can run off easily.” he sighed, “I can’t believe dad hasn’t bought a leash or something yet.” 

You snorted, not expecting the last sentence, “We could bribe them to stay with us with candy or something, I’m sure we’ll be fine.” “If you say so.” Techno said, putting the finished sandwiches in a ziplock bag and walking over to your backpack to put them in.

“Ooo that’s pretty.” you giggled as you walked over to Tommy, who was drawing fish on the moon. “What color should I make this fish?” he asked, pointing to one on top of the moon. “Hmm,” you began, “Purple? I think that’ll look nice with the white one and the green one.”

He nodded, quickly grabbing his purple pencil. Techno walked to the table with Tommy’s shoes and jacket. “Ready to go see Tubbo?” he asked before sitting down next to Tommy to put his shoes on. “Yeah!” Tommy exclaimed excitedly, rolling up his drawing. You grabbed your backpack and swung it over your shoulder. The blonde grabbed his jacket from Techno’s hands and put it on himself, then happily skipping to the door. The two of you followed him, Techno locking the door behind him and unlocking the car. You opened the door for Tommy and he quickly climbed in his car seat and buckled himself in, double checking quickly before closing his door and sitting next to Techno. He turned on some music before starting the car and driving off to Tubbo.

~

It was a short drive, honking once all of you arrived. Not a second later Tubbo came running to the car, his dad following shortly behind him. Tubbo’s dad opened the door and put him in his car seat as well. “Hey Techno, thank you for- oh I don’t think we’ve met before. I’m Sam.” Sam smiled at you. “No we haven’t, I’m (Y/N), Techno’s partner.” you smiled back, Tubbo and Tommy already talking to each other. Sam smirked and patted Techno on his shoulder, “good job kid.” 

You laughed as Techno blushed, “yeah yeah alright. I’ll text you when we’re on our way back.” Sam nodded, “Tubbo be good okay?” “Yes dad, bye!” Tubbo answered quickly before going back to his conversation with his best friend. “Bye Sam!” Techno and you said as he closed the car door, waving as Techno drove off again.

“Look! I made this for you! (Y/N) helped me pick the colors for the fish,” Tommy said while pointing at you, “They’re really nice.” 

You waved at Tubbo, Tommy giving him his drawing. “Oh! Thank you. Hi (Y/N)!” Tubbo said, smiling at you. “Hi!” you smiled back, Tommy and Tubbo quickly falling into new conversation.

Twenty minutes later you arrived at the aquarium, the boys getting more excited with every second passing. Techno and you walked behind them to the entrance, not wanting to lose them this fast. Techno did the talking and paid with Phil’s card. He handed you the tickets and you walked to the gates with the boys, who insisted on scanning the tickets themselves. After showing them how you gave them both their tickets, Techno behind them to help them. Whilst they were trying to get through, you got a map of the place. 

After a few tries they successfully made it through. “Ready to go?” you asked the younger two. “Yes!” both of them eagerly yelled, running off to the nearest building. Techno sighed before telling them to stay close, making Tommy groan. 

The best friends walked in front of you two, occasionally stopping at the smaller aquariums to see which animals were in there. Techno and you walked around too, holding hands and talking about everything and nothing. 

After a while of walking around they stood still in front of an arch to a big shark tank. You noticed their frightened expressions and softly smiled, stepping forward to the boys and letting Techno’s hand go.

“It’s not that scary if we go together, I promise. Does that sound good?” you asked the two boys, holding your hands out to both of them. They nodded and held on tightly, slowly walking towards the shark tank with you. Some of the bigger sharks swam by and you felt both of the boys squeezing your hand harder, making you smile slightly. Once directly in front of the water they couldn’t stop looking around with amazed looks on their faces.

Techno had the same look on his face, mixed with absolute adoration. He wasn’t sure what he did to have become so lucky to have you in his life and be able call you his, but he was incredibly grateful. He wished he could frame this moment and hang it up in his room, so he could look at it forever. You turned around to look at Techno, seeing him watch with a wide smile. Your cheeks reddened as you smiled back at him and motioned him to come over. 

“Techno look! They’re so cool!” Tommy said, once he noticed Techno was standing next to him, pointing at the sharks that were swimming together. “Yeah they are. Not so scary after all huh?” Techno chuckled and both Tommy and Tubbo shook their heads. “Lunch time?” you suggested and all of the boys agreed. All of you walked to the nearest bench, Techno and you sat at the ends of the bench, Tommy and Tubbo in between. You opened your backpack and gave everyone a sandwich and a bottle of water. “I have some apple slices and gummy bears as well if any of you wants some.” you told them. 

“Could I have some apple slices (Y/N)?” Tubbo asked you. “Of course!” you answered as you grabbed them from your backpack. You opened the pack they were in and handed it to Tubbo, Tommy also eating some of them. After a few more sandwiches all of you got up and went to see a dolphin show. Tommy and Tubbo had grown significantly quieter, yawning occasionally. During the show Tommy leaned against you, slowly falling asleep. Tubbo was leaning against Tommy, also dozing off. The clapping of the audience startled them, waking them up. 

“Want to go home?” you whispered to Tommy and he nodded, rubbing his eyes. Tommy stood up, Tubbo following suit. Techno and you also stood up, Techno looking at you with a raised eyebrow. You nodded, following him out of the theater. The four of you calmly walked to the exit, the gift shop catching Tommy’s eyes. “Oh! Can we take a look? Please?” he asked, looking up at you with puppy eyes. “A quick one, but don’t touch anything okay?” you told them and he nodded, grabbing Tubbo’s arm and running into the store.

“You know, you have to learn to say no or he’ll actually be the death of you.” Techno said, intertwining his hand with yours again. “Hmm, maybe. But for now it’ll be fine.” you smiled, kissing his cheek before walking in the store.

“(Y/N)!” Tommy yelled once he saw you. “He knows, he definitely knows. He doesn’t even call for me anymore.” Techno dramatically said before laughing and you hit his shoulder lightly. “Yes Tommy?” you answered, walking over to where he was standing. Techno followed, amused by this whole situation. Out of all of the possibilities imaginable, he definitely did not expect Tommy and Tubbo holding shark themed best friend t-shirts and just how great they looked. 

“Can we get these? Please? We’ll look so cool together, now everyone will know we’re best friends!” Tommy tried to convince you two, Tubbo frantically nodding next to him. You basically melted at the sight in front of you. “Sure, did you get the right sizes?” you said, Tommy then showing Techno both of the tags who took a brief look and nodded. The two boys cheered and you smiled, looking at Techno with an apologetic look on your face. He laughed, “they looked too cute to resist this time, I’ll agree on that one.”

Tommy and Tubbo had already rushed off to the cashier, Tommy putting the shirts on the counter because he was a little bit taller. Techno stood next him, ready to pay with Phil’s card again. “If dad gets mad you just show him the shirt okay?” Techno said to Tommy when all of you walked out of the store. Once back at the car they quickly put the t-shirts on and high fived. “(Y/N)? Could you take a picture of us?” Tubbo asked, “of course!” you replied while getting your phone out. Tommy and Tubbo stood next to each other smiling, Techno quickly jumping in to straighten out their shirts. “Ready?” you asked the two younger ones. “Yeah!” they both exclaimed before smiling wildly, Tommy’s arm over Tubbo’s shoulder. You took a few pictures of them, now ushering Techno over into the frame. He glared at you before standing in the middle of the two other boys. Tommy quickly flipped him off, surprising you and Tubbo, both of you bursting out in laughter. The two brothers started bickering loudly, making you sigh. “Hey, hey, hey, be nice. Let’s go home, okay?” you tried to interfere, Techno and Tommy still staring each other down. You and Tubbo shared a look, trying hard not to laugh again. “Fine.” Techno said, Tommy proudly smirking when Techno walked away first. You shook your head at him, opening his car door. Techno opened Tubbo’s and both of you helped buckle them up.

Not long after leaving the parking lot they were asleep, exhausted from seeing new things and running around all day. You sighed contentedly, catching Techno’s attention. “We survived.” you laughed and he chuckled, “I’d say we did a pretty good job, I had a lot fun. Except for just now. That little asshole.” You laughed and yawned, stretching in the car seat. “It really caught me off guard. I had fun too but I’m really tired.” 

You took a glance in the rearview mirror, giggling at what you saw. “What?” Techno asked. “Look at them.” you answered whilst nodding to the backseat. They were both sound asleep, heads leaning to each other and in their best friends t-shirts. Techno smiled, “they’re never taking those shirts off. Also could you text Sam for me?” he asked, giving you his phone.”Of course.” you said while unlocking his phone and telling Sam you were on your way back. 

It didn’t take long for you to arrive at Tubbo’s place, Tubbo waking up a little from the car standing still. Tubbo’s dad came outside and opened the car door, immediately laughing. “Those shirts are everything, oh my gosh. Fits them perfectly as well. Thank you guys a lot, by the looks of it he’s had a lot of fun.” Sam said while unbuckling Tubbo and picking him up. “Of course, don’t worry about it.” Techno answered and you nodded in agreement. “Bye Techno and (Y/N).” Tubbo sleepily said before waving. Techno and you both told him bye while waving as well, driving off home. Tommy was still peacefully asleep when you arrived home. After Techno parked the car, you got out and unbuckled Tommy before picking him up and carrying him inside. “Hey guys.” Wilbur said once he saw you three walk in. You waved at him, pointing to the sleeping blonde in your arms. Wilbur nodded understandably, raising up from his seat to take him over from you and put him to bed. Everyone knew waking up Tommy was a task sent from hell, so dinner would just have to be late for him. 

Soon after, Phil came home and Wilbur came downstairs. The four of you ate dinner happily, talking about the day at the aquarium and showing him the picture of them in their shirts and the ones you took of all three of them. Phil loved it so much, he didn’t care how much money they might’ve cost. Techno and you skipped after dinner tea, opting to go to sleep early. You changed into some of his clothes, both of you brushed your teeth and laid down in his bed. Techno put his arm around you and pulled you closer. “I love you (Y/N).” he murmured, making you smile. “I love you too Tech. Goodnight.”

[giggles-and-freckles]

Okay woohoo some fic recs incoming!!!! These will probably be all over the place, but I’ve just got to scream about them for a second!!! PS gonna try to do these more frequently because this is fun!!!

Click below the cut if you dare!

Declarations by Nny11

Summary: A series exploring Obi-Wan and Ahsoka's relationship as Grandmaster and Grandpadawan.

Okay, so this is one of the first fics I can genuinely remember reading with a heavy emphasis on the relationship between Obi-Wan and Ahsoka where I was like 'hey oh my god I love them?’ It was a monumental moment for me because now I am so obscenely ride or die for them and I truly do think back to this fic often with utter fondness. 

A moment I loved: 

“From a certain point of view,” he finally conceded, motioning her to start again. “At least I know you’ve learned something from me!”

“Well I couldn’t learn the secrets of your hair routine!”

the flood comes rushing in by @kenobilovebot

Summary: "I have done this for you. I have put you first." Or, Anakin finds out.

A little bit of sith!Obi-Wan? As a treat? Hm, well...all right!!!!! I don’t want to say too much here because I would really prefer you read it than read any more of my mindless babbling but–it’s good.

A moment I loved: 

He can hardly think around the smothering darkness that has so wholly encompassed his master, so effectively destroying the light that has always been. He’s always been able to reach for it at the worst of times. Now he can’t feel it at all.

a time to say goodbye by Sokaless

Summary: Ezra isn't the only one facing the temptation of change in the World Between Worlds. Just minutes after facing Vader, Ahsoka falls through a portal seventeen years into the past and must relive her final encounter with Anakin and Obi-Wan without drastically altering the future. But Anakin Skywalker taught her many things. How to push her luck was one of them.

This is a short and sweet time-travel fic that finds Ahsoka back in that moment in the hangar with Anakin right before they unknowingly have their last goodbye. She knows more now than she did before and struggles not to say it all. But the theme of learning from loss is really special and powerful and I feel this sad sort of closure when I finish (I say that actively because I have...read this fic several several times). Painful, poignant–all the best things.

A moment I loved:

One last thing she learned from Anakin- teaching a lesson often requires holding your student to higher standards than you hold yourself. 

With the knowledge that she’s holding him to a standard she herself might never reach, Ahsoka tells Ezra, “I’m asking you to let go.”

good morning, sun by @katierosefun​

Summary: “You look miserable.” Ahsoka dropped her hand, spun around. Obi-Wan stood behind her, one arm carrying a cloak and the other half-extended to Ahsoka. [or: After she leaves the Order, Ahsoka has one last encounter with Obi-Wan.]

Let’s see how many of Caroline’s fics I can get away with posting before someone reports me. This one-shot is full of all the good post-wrong jedi stuff. Soka and Obi have a conversation at Dex’s that hurts a lot but also feels real and I will never not respect Caroline for understanding the nuances of the disaster trios intricate and intimate relationships with each other and how they shift and mold around different circumstances. This feels so authentically them that it hurts.

A moment I loved: 

What came out instead was a small, half-choked sound.

When Obi-Wan opened his arms, Ahsoka fell right into them. “It hurts,” Ahsoka said, her voice cracking. “A lot.”

“I know,” Obi-Wan replied thickly. “We’ll take care of it.”

You Haunt All My What-Ifs by @kckenobi

Summary: But then she saw the way Obi-Wan’s lip was quivering, and his eyes were shining, and she realized— He hadn’t called because he needed to tell her. He’d called because he needed her. “Obi-Wan,” she breathed. “Oh, Obi-Wan…” And she wanted to reach out, to hold him. To be his refuge, his shelter, his home. Instead she just watched as he shook his head, palmed at his eyes, apologized. She reached out. Touched the hologram. It flickered. — [Satine and Obi-Wan—then, now, and every echo of what if between them.]

One of the first fics that got me on my Obitine grind!! Just the right mix of angst and angst to create the perfect recipe of absolute sorrow. These characters feel so real I could reach out and hug them–and oh, how I want to after this incredible little fic.

A moment I loved:

And then suddenly she was thinking of every little what if—the other paths they could’ve taken, the millions of ways they could’ve ended up here. She imagined a future where he’d stayed. She saw white weddings, crying infants, painting nursery rhymes on a pale bedroom wall. She saw herself rolling over in the middle of the night, bumping shoulders, feeling his warm breath on her face. She saw family dinners, rushed breakfasts as they hurried the kids off to school. She saw laughter. She saw a lifetime. And at the end, she saw herself old and gray, holding his hand, his eyes the last thing she’d ever see.They had arrived at the end now. But she was not old and gray.

Dying Words by @cloudyskywars

Summary: Anakin is trapped beneath a collapsed building, and has one final conversation with Obi-Wan.

One of my favourite febuwhump contributions from within the mountain of wonderful fics that the second month of the year created!! Some good ol classic Obi & Ani pain. Hint of a deathfic...but mostly just the moments leading up to it. And they...hurt. Also!!! Melanie took the care to make Anakin’s final words be about Obi-Wan, which is very special to me for the reason she includes in her author’s note.

A moment I loved:

“And,” he said, “if you ever see Ahsoka again, tell her she was the best padawan I could have asked for.” His breaths were coming in rapid pants, now, and the room was spinning out of focus. “Obi-Wan?” he asked, voice barely audible. “Yes, Padawan mine?” he responded, his own voice shaky as well. “Thank you for being my Master,” Anakin said.

i’m only me when i’m with you idiots by @renegadeontherunn

Summary: who let Obi-Wan pick the holo? and where's the remote? they might need a bigger blanket. 

[or, Anakin, Ahsoka, and Obi-Wan have leave on Coruscant and holo night is the perfect excuse to all squeeze onto a couch together, bicker, and be, well, a family]

Fluff, fluff, fluff! Yes, please! My dear Fiona does a wonderful job wrapping these three up in a blanket and plopping them in front of a holo for a night of witty banter and so-cute-I-could-melt platonic cuddles. I love these three, I love this fic!

A moment I loved: 

“You met a civilized Padawan? Couldn’t have been ours.”

get home by @curse-of-men

Summary: After a mission goes wrong and Jedi Knight Anakin Skywalker goes missing, it is up to Obi-Wan Kenobi and Ahsoka Tano to bring him home.

[or: a Grandmaster and a Grandpadawan go on a road trip to rescue chaos personified]

What? Me? Rec’ing another Obi-Wan and Ahsoka centric fic? HUH? Hehe, I love that Lou says this is the missing Obi & Soka arc in their author’s note because um, did they look into my heart and know that’s what I most desire? Anyway, this three-parter is incredible from start to finish and I demand you all go read it immediately. :-)

A moment I loved:

Making their way to the cockpit, Ahsoka tilts her head into Obi-Wan’s general direction and says: “You know, Master, Anakin would probably think things so far have gone excellently.” Obi-Wan returns her look and sighs.

“Now you surely must get why I am so worried about this.” Ahsoka grins and gestures back and forth in the empty space between them with one hand.

“For what it’s worth, I think we make a good enough team.”

we stand here, together by @nightdotlight​

Summary: Master Depa Billaba and Padawan Caleb Dume.

Windu worries for them, out in the wider galaxy. Waging war, while he and Anakin sit here, waiting.

But he trained Billaba, and Billaba is training Dume. Anakin once took lessons from her, when he himself was a Padawan, and he knows she is skilled enough by far, to ensure that both she and her student make it back to Coruscant safely.

It’s ironic, that when cut off from the Force he can understand other people better than he has in years.

ZOWEE!!!! This fic made me ugly cry on my conference period at school!! Ha! Another fic that culminates in, er...death. But!!!! The lead-up! Ooh, baby! The writing style of this one is also very fresh and unique which I appreciate as someone who essentially reads the same thing eight million ways (by choice, mind you!!!! and loves it every time!!!!). This is just an absolute gem of a fic. Queue: your best crying playlist.

A moment I loved: 

Depa, her Padawan braid hanging from her shoulder, hugs him around his middle and drags him to the training salles. The whole way, her laughter follows them– warm, like summer rain. Like the smallest, most ephemeral moments of happiness.

Her smile feels like a sunset on his back, and Mace smiles back even as they spar, as green and purple clash over and over again in a dance unique to teacher and student.

He does not need to reach out to know the galaxy is at peace. When they take a break from their own spar, Mace feels a light tap on his presence in the Force; when he turns, Ahsoka Tano stands there in training robes, her own Master a few paces behind– and beside him, Obi-Wan Kenobi, face lighter than it has been in years.

Her Padawan beads hang from her headdress; when she smiles at the banter behind her, turning to retort, they catch the light, and the half-formed impression of those beads torn asunder and held in gloved hand is dissipated by the glare.

Only Hope by @tessiete

Summary: The infamous "Year on the Run".In the wake of her father's death, Satine is assigned two Jedi to escort her safely back to Mandalore, but in the chaotic aftermath of a civil war, there is more at stake than one person's survival. Together, they work to unite Mandalore, overcome ancient grudges, and bring peace to a world ravaged by bloodshed.

Man, oh man, do I love a good year on the run fic! And man oh man am I loving the heck out of this one. It’s in progress so go ahead give it a bookmark and a subscription while you’re at it!!!! But the banter! The sass! The (I assume soon to come) pining! The Qui-Gon third wheeling! READ IT! Cannot recommend highly enough.

A moment I loved: 

“...and you’re bound to be hungry.”

“I assure you, I’m not.”

“Well, Obi-Wan is,” Jinn asserts. His back is to his apprentice and so he cannot see the mutinous glance which darts his way. “And as you’ve seen, he’s trouble when he isn’t fed. You have five minutes.”

Goes to Ground by jerseydevious

Summary: Obi-Wan has a question for Anakin following his experiences on Zygerria.

Silly Jedi boys trying and failing to communicate, gosh dang it!!! They get there, eventually, though. :’) Some post Zygerria angst and some tough discussions. HERE. FOR. IT. 

A moment I loved: 

“You are a bad influence, padawan mine,” Obi-Wan said. He gave Anakin that smile, the one that made Anakin feel like he shared a secret with his Master, something only for them.

In Sacrifice, Peace by @ilonga

Summary: “Shh. . .” Anakin says, gathering the younglings around him, reminding Obi-wan of all those whispered arguments where he had insisted to Anakin that yes, he was good with children, he’d be just fine teaching Ahsoka. He can almost feel the terror rising off Anakin from the hologram; Anakin doesn’t know what’s happening either. But he isn’t letting the younglings feel it. “You need to listen to me very carefully, okay? This--” his voice breaks, “--this is going to be scary. But you have to be calm, and strong. Just like Master Yoda taught you.” [Or, the ROTS au where Obi-wan finds a very different type of pain while looking through the Temple's recordings of Order 66.]

PAIN AWAITS YOU HERE! But that is exactly why you should click, kudos, comment, bookmark, and let this fic live in your head rent free like it’s living in mine. Truly couldn’t get it out of there if I wanted to! AND I DO NOT! Yet another deathfic and angst with The Team (TM). Read it, peeps.

A moment I loved: 

“And then?”Obi-wan closes his eyes, pretends he can’t feel the weight of the body in his arms, pretends it’s really Anakin he’s talking to and not some worrying coping mechanism. “And then we fight.” he says.

to hold by @katierosefun

Summary: “What—” Ahsoka looked up and, where she had expected to find a mumbling drunk, she found instead—

“Master Kenobi?” Ahsoka asked, stunned. She straightened, already swinging her backpack around herself again.

“Ahsoka,” Obi-Wan managed. He was breathing hard, just barely bent over because he was supporting, Ahsoka realized dumbly, Anakin.

Anakin, whose head was lolling against Obi-Wan’s shoulder. Whose face was two shades too pale and eyes fluttering and lips parted in a soundless groan that brought Ahsoka right back to battlefields and med bays and other places that she hadn’t been in a long, long while. [or: after leaving the Order, Ahsoka runs into some familiar faces.]

Caroline at it again with the post-wrong-jedi disaster trio angst comin’ in hot! Some platonic bed-sharing, some confused Anakin, some conflicted Ahsoka, some pained Obi-Wan. Well–strike that. They’re all in pain. But what do we expect, honestly? What do we want, honestly? Pain. We want pain.

A moment I loved: 

“Only another dream,” Obi-Wan said. He looked at Ahsoka, his face just barely shadowed. “Seems that it’s passed.”

Another. 

Ahsoka’s stomach twisted. She looked at the hand she was holding. It was strange—she couldn’t remember if she had ever actually held onto Anakin’s hand this tightly before, but now she could feel the familiar callouses, make out just the faintest of old scars. Ahsoka squeezed it once.

Not near as many as I planned to do or have saved and ready to rec, but...this already got, er...quite lengthy. So! Same time, next week! I’ll have some more! (Well, probably not same time and maybe not even next week...but soon.) 

[moonesq-a]

@furyof  |  birthday  thingie  🎉

        her  boyfriend’s  birthday  falling  on  a  summer  day  is  really  just  the  best.  school  schedules  can’t  get  in  the  way  &  there’s  no  shortage  of  fun  things  to  do  in  california  when  the  sun’s  out  to  play.  he  could  probably  tell  she’s  been  looking  forward  to  this  all  month.  the  maximum  of  affectionate  she’s  capable  of  reaches  its  limit  in  august  &  that’s  just  a  fact.  she’d  come  to  his  place  early,  bag  of  gifts  in  hand.  she  went  for  fun,  but  mostly  meaningful.  at  the  bottom  of  the  bag  sits  a  mini  bluetooth  speaker  in  the  shape  of  darth  vader’s  head,  because  it  was  impossible  for  her  not  to  buy  it  once  she  saw  it.  then  there’s  a  little  box  that  holds  a  set  of  3  guitar  picks,  one  lightning  themed,  one  black  &  blue  &  one  galaxy  color  themed,  this  last  one  with  a  crescent  moon  carved  by  her  on  one  side.  last  comes  a  little  satchel,  a  black,  braided  rope-type  necklace  with  an  amethyst  crystal  hanging  from  it,  black  &  purple  colors  nicely  mingling  together.  it’s  not  the  first  nor  the  last  time  she  ambushes  him  with  a  crystal  known  to  help  with  anxiety  &  stress.  but  this  one  sure  is  pretty.  &  she  made  it  all  on  her  own.  there's  just  one  more  thing  downstairs  that  she  left  there  because  it  was  too  big  &  he  could  see  it  from  the  get-go  ;  a  cute  pac-man  neon  sign  for  his  room. his  mom  let  her  in  &  she  basically  bolted  to  his  room  after  hugging  her  good  morning.  she’d  cracked  his  door  &  let  herself  in  with  a  smile  at  the  sight  of  him  barely  awake.  she  could  melt  right  there  &  then.  “  good  morniiing  !  ”  light  giggle  as  she  basically  pounces  on  top  of  him,  shower  of  kisses  planted  all  over  his  face.  impulse  control  be  damned  !  “  i  didn’t  break  any  bones,  did  i  ?  ”  she  mumbles  the  question  against  his  lips  with  a  playful  smile  before  planting  one  last  kiss  there.  “  happy  birthday,  baby.  ”

[chokemeanakin]

Aggressive Negotiations (part one)-- Anakin Skywalker x fem reader

Okay so I’ve gotten a lot of requests for Anakin seeing reader dressed up for the first time, and I also got a “stuck-in-the-closet” trope, and a “handcuffed-together” trope, so I thought I’d knock out three birds with one stone and just combine them all. Enjoy ;)

(Ps I hope you all don’t mind that I always make reader a non-jedi? Idk I just prefer it when they both have their own strengths.)

Masterlist

Read it on ao3

Wc: 2.6k

The thin material of the dress stuck to your legs, and you tugged it down self-consciously. Fancy red dresses were not your usual cup of tea, but tonight you had a mission, and the entirety of it depended on your ability to seduce the Prince of Krygo.

For once, you wished Anakin had failed at a mission. He had been sent before you to drive Separatist forces away from Kygo before they could take over the rich mining planet, and had succeeded in not only that, but saving the Prince’s life. Of course, this meant a banquet of celebration was to be held, with Anakin as the guest of honor. 

Then, rumors of Count Dooku’s presence at the ball were revealed, which is where you came in. Anakin could not get the information alone-- he needed a more… direct source to the knowledge, one where the Prince would have his guard down and he’d be completely open to divulging important information. The Council was obviously “under-the-table” about suggesting you fill this role, and still won’t explicitly tell you what they suggest you do. But you got the idea. 

Not that it made you uncomfortable. You were perfectly fine with exploiting a man’s weaknesses for your own good-- in the most respectful way possible. It was mostly the fact that it was Anakin who would be by your side tonight, and it was also Anakin who was your secret lover, and Anakin who had a bad habit of becoming possessive and jealous whenever he felt like his attachment to you became threatened. Therefore, you had to have a talk with him before all this.

“Anakin, sweetie, baby, my love,”

“Hm?” 

“Pookie pie. Boo bear. Apple of my eye.”

“Yes, Y/n. Cut it out with nicknames.”

You leaned over the couch where he was sitting and reading his war reports, looking at him sideways. “You know I love you, right?”

“I do...” He raised an eyebrow at you.

“Then you know that whatever happens at the ball, between me and the Prince, it means nothing.”

“What are you planning on doing, exactly?”

Now he was sitting up, alarmed. You hugged his head to your chest, kissing his cheek from behind to try and diffuse the situation.

“Nothing too elaborate. Just get him in a position where he has no choice but to tell me where and why he’s hiding Count Dooku.”

“I don’t like what you’re implying.”

“It’s nothing like that, Ani. I wouldn’t do that to you.”

“But he might.”

“I won’t let it get that far.”

“You’d be surprised how hard it is to control someone in a situation like that.”

“You speak from experience?”

“No-- no of course not. I just don’t want you to be in that position.”

“Anakin, I know how to handle myself.”

He was rigid beneath your arms, quiet.

“This wasn’t supposed to be that elaborate.”

You drew patterns into the leather armor over his chest, as if you could draw the stress out through your fingertips.

“It’s not. I just thought I’d warn you, in case you see something you don’t like. I don’t want you to think I enjoy his presence, or him. I love you, and that’s all that matters at the end of the mission. Okay?”

“I still don’t like this,” he sighed, finally relaxing back into your arms. “But I trust you.”

“Thank you,” you kissed the top of his head, inhaling his scent. You could feel his unease, but both of you knew there was nothing you could really do to help the situation. You had to get the information out of the Prince, and he was notorious for favoring human women like you. The setup was perfect-- all you had to do was lure him in, set the trap, and then spring when the moment was right. You both knew you had it all under control, even if it did make Anakin nervous.

The one thing you didn’t really think about before agreeing to this, however, was the fact that you would have to dress up. Like… dress up, dress up. It was a formal ball, which meant the ladies had to wear gowns and men had to wear suits. You didn’t know much about fashion, and what was expected for this ball specifically, nor did you even own anything fancy enough to wear. So you went to Padme, who more than gladly lent you a dress that was both elegant and sexy… more so than was probably appropriate.

It was a necessary evil.

Step one was getting the dress, and that part was over. Now began the more difficult phase of the mission: actually putting on the dress and becoming that seductress, even though you had never really done anything like this before. Even more nerve-wracking— you’d have to face Anakin, who had never seen you in anything but your daily clothes before. 

You looked at yourself in the mirror, smoothing your dress down again. It’s not like you had anything to be nervous about— you looked amazing. The dress clung to every inch of your body, the red hue of it popping out against your skin color. Your hair was styled and draped over your shoulders, and you had done your makeup dark and alluring. 

You were just nervous to see Anakin’s reaction… or was that excitement?

A buzzer startled you out of your train of thought, signaling that it was time to head down to the party. Anakin must be right outside, waiting for you. You took one last look in the mirror, and then turned to open the door.

The sight of him took your breath away, as per usual. He was dressed in a black suit, form-fitting and dark through and through. You’re not sure why he favored the black theme, but you’d be lying if you said it didn’t flatter him. He looked dangerous, and the tilted smirk he was giving you added to the bachelor aura. 

“Y/n…” he murmured, immediately fitting his hands around your waist. 

“Yes?” You asked when he didn’t continue. He held you a couple inches away, admiring every inch of you. You squirmed under his greedy eyes. “Do… do you think it’s good enough?” 

“Good enough?” He finally met your gaze, lifting his brows incredulously. “You’re enchanting.” 

Your cheeks flooded with heat, the intensity behind those words loaded with truth. His voice was low, slightly raspy as if he was holding himself back from dragging you into the room and having his way with you here and now, mission be damned. A big part of you wanted that, but a bigger part of you enjoyed standing here, being inspected as if you were the most beautiful girl in the galaxy under his intensifying gaze. 

The shift in Anakin’s eyes made you feel like you were on top of the world, like you could do anything. If he thought you were so beautiful when he looked like that… well, maybe you could do anything.

“You look incredible,” he breathed, sliding his hands further around your waist to pull you closer. It was only when he nudged your arms around his own waist did you realize what he was doing— he wanted you to feel the lightsaber he had under his suit jacket, reminding you of the mission, how he’d be watching and protecting you from afar.

You should have known before even opening the door that you would be watched every second of this ball, even now in the hallway of the palace. Something shady was going on on Krygo, and you two were the main targets.

“Let’s head down to the main event, yeah?” He suggested, pulling away and offering his arm. You gathered your composure and hooked your arm around his elbow, allowing him to lead you down the stairs, through the grand hall, and into the ballroom.

It was exactly what you’d imagined— a small orchestra on the stage, playing slow violin waltzes, elegant lace dresses spinning around the room, dress shoes tapping over glossy marble floors, and an overwhelming floral scent from the thousands of purple roses adorning the room. 

You spotted the Prince across the room— he was dressed in a delicate white suit, accented with silver and gold, black hair gelled back with a single curl hanging over his forehead. He was striking, but in a different way— a mischievous way. Those mossy eyes were hiding something. 

The Prince stopped the whole room with a raise of his glass. He tilted it toward Anakin and you, thanking him for his service to himself and the planet. A murmur of gratitude travelled around the room, and his glass lowered. The ball resumed, but the Prince’s eyes stayed locked in your direction— this time, landing directly on you. He flicked his head, motioning for the two of you to approach.

“You have your knife with you?” Anakin grit between his teeth as he led you toward him.

The arm that wasn’t hooked onto Anakin’s brushed by your side, feeling the minuscule lump of the knife you had slid into the band around your thigh. Your dress had a slit on that leg, providing you easy access for when the time came to use it. 

“I’m all set,” you whispered back. He looked at you quickly, his eyes full of hesitance and fear. It was gone in a blink.

“Anakin Skywalker,” the Prince purred as the two of you approached. The rest of his company filtered away. “Or should I say, General Skywalker?”

“Please, Anakin,” he smiled, charming as ever. 

“How are you enjoying the ball so far? Does it live up to your Coruscant-ee standards?”

You didn’t like the Prince’s tone of voice. He had a playful lilt, as if everything he said was mocking, a game. It was irritating and unnerving, and made it seem like he knew something you didn’t. 

“I can’t say we have many dances at the Jedi temple,” Anakin answered coolly, accepting the drink that the Prince handed him. “But this far exceeds any expectations I might have had.”

“I’m glad you think so— you are the guest of honor,” the Prince bowed his head, lips curling impishly. “And for you, my lady,” he handed you a flute of champagne, similar to Anakin’s.

You took it, smiling sweetly in response. Inside, your nerves were firing out of control. You couldn’t do this— how were you supposed to flirt this man up with Anakin right next to you? It felt too unnatural, too wrong… You needed him to leave, and soon;  before the Prince dismissed you, and your only chance at getting him alone for the night was gone.

“I regret coming off as ungrateful, but I believe I see Captain Wel-Solley. We haven’t talked since the battle of Geonosis. You don’t mind, do you?”

You sighed in relief as Anakin excused himself, unhooking his arm from yours.

“Of course not, go ahead,” the Prince encouraged, ushering him with a sweep of his hand. Anakin nodded once and left, fingers lingering on your arm. You knew what he meant by it— 

Be careful.

You took a sip of the champagne so you could have a moment to gather your thoughts before hurling yourself headfirst into this mess of a mission. The Prince was already looking at you as you lowered your glass.

“And what do you think of this ball, m’lady?”

“Call me Y/n,” you smiled a bit, leveling your gaze at him. “And I think it’s beautiful. I’ve never been to a ball this extravagant before.”

“So you’re experienced in gallant culture?”

“My mother was princess of Fauna, before the Separatists took over,” you lied. “I grew up in a palace much like this one.”

You’re not sure where that story came from, but you always were a terrific liar. You knew you needed to find a level ground with him, create some kind of unifying factor between the two of you. Why not choose his status? You trusted your gut to just go with it.

“The daughter of a Princess. So that makes you… what? A princess as well?”

“I’d assume so,” you laugh prettily. “It’s no matter to me. I’m not bound by a royal lifestyle anymore.”

“So what do you do? Travel with Republic war generals to keep their morale up?” 

“Actually, I’m more of a diplomat,” you swirled the champagne around in your glass, feigning absent-mindedness. “I negotiate treaties, keep the peace when possible.”

He tilted his head, scanning your figure. You could see the appreciating glint in his eye but pretended not to notice. Funnily enough, his face was his weakness. While his voice and demeanor gave you the impression he was spinning a trap around you, his face gave away all of his emotions. You could almost read his thoughts— how you looked so enticing, elegant but teetered on the edge of scandalous. How could an outside like yours be paired with an inspiring, intelligent interior? And a member of royalty, at that? It must be too good to be true.

“Besides,” you continued nonchalantly, “you know the Jedi… their morales don’t require much upkeep.”

“Oh?” The Prince was intrigued. “And what are you implying?”

“Well, they teach against that sort of attachment,” you inform him, a sly smirk spreading across your lips. “A pity, really. It’s been a while since I’ve had any… fun.”

The Prince picked up on that quickly. His grin turned equally sinful, eyes darkening just a shade.

“Well, if you finish that drink, I’m sure we can find something more worthwhile to do.”

“Yeah?” You took a sip and bat your eyes innocently. “Like dancing?”

“Like dancing,” he confirmed, and you both laughed.

Got him.

You scanned the room for Anakin as you took your next sip, finding him dancing with an older woman by the window. He immediately turned to catch your eye, just barely nodding.

You swallowed the last of your champagne, setting it on a silver platter as the server walked by. “So where would you like to continue this?”

You attributed your newfound boldness to the alcohol in your system, as well as the high you got from your recent success. It was almost too easy how he fell into the palm of your hand, but you weren’t going to question it. Now, you had to get him all alone.

“My bedroom is quite large,” the Prince suggested. “There’s lots of room for dancing.”

“I’d hope,” you played along. “I can get quite… sloppy with my steps. No one ever taught me how to dance like a lady.”

“A princess with a dirty technique? I guess I’ll just have to teach you how to do it right.”

His arm stretched out to you, and there it was. Your golden ticket to success. You hooked your arm around his elbow, and he began to lead you out of the ballroom. Anakin’s eyes were palpable on your back as he watched you leave.

Just as you crossed the threshold, you began to feel funny. Your head grew light, vision blurring in and out. Your stomach dropped, and you suddenly felt very faint.

“Are you okay, m’lady?” The Prince paused. “You’re complexion has turned a little pale.”

“Excuse me, I’m alright,” you held onto his arm a little tighter so you wouldn’t fall. “My excitement is getting the best of me.” 

“I must admit, I’m just as eager.”

You continued on through the halls, but with each step your grew worse and worse. Before long, your knees could no longer hold you up, and you could barely see two feet in front of you. The last thing you saw before blacking out was the Prince smiling cruelly down at you as he lowered you to the cool, marble floor.

[thatgamefromthatad]

Mobile Game Review - Helix Waltz (Recommended by @raimi)

🎻 What is this app? Helix Waltz is a dress up game with an elaborate storyline that heavily involves character interactions. On the App Store it’s described as a “thrilling ballroom drama set in Baroque style dress,” which I think accurately reflects the sort of vintage European court-style setting the game takes place in. The setting also has fantasy elements, including characters of different “races” such as elves and people with animal ears and tails called Orens.

The game follows a main storyline as well as various side storylines and has a large cast of characters with their own personalities and preferences, all of whom you can build up your relationship with, which will affect their interactions with you depending on the level of favor you have with them. Rather than playing out in a linear set of stages or chapters, the story progresses as you accept and complete missions and attend balls where you have the chance to encounter other characters attending the same ball. There’s a bit of freedom in that sense where you can attend any of the available balls you want and encounter any of the characters that are there without necessarily following the main storyline, building up favor and getting to know anyone you want.

The dress up part is structured somewhat similarly to other dress up games I’ve played - there are various items in different categories (hairstyles, headwear, dresses, shoes, different types of accessories, etc.) with different attributes and rarities that will affect your “chic” level at any ball or other outing you attend, as well as how other characters perceive you depending on their preferences. You can have “beauty contests” with other characters you encounter at balls that compares your outfit’s chic level to theirs and there are other parts of the game where your outfits can compete with others players’. You can gain new dress up items through completing quests and through a gacha-type mechanic where you draw from different sets of potential items.

📝 Review Summary: The sheer number of different characters you can interact with in this game is very impressive, and it’s definitely entertaining getting to know them all and try to build relationships with them. I definitely found myself getting invested in certain characters and wanting to progress through the storyline so I could learn more. The art in this game is also very beautiful, which includes both the character designs and clothing items.

The follower who recommended this game noted that there is queer representation, including a trans character, which is a positive aspect, but I noticed there was not a lot of BIPOC representation, specifically a lack of characters with dark skin and limited options to have dark for your own character. The default character you play is white with very pale skin, and from my understanding from doing a little research, skin color changes are included as makeup items which definitely seems wrong, not only because you have to get your hands on the right item to have darker skin but because skin color as makeup seems to imply blackface, even if that’s completely unintentional (the makeup items in this game aren’t technically just makeup - they also change the shape of facial features). I definitely think this game should add different base skin tones, as well as characters who aren’t all super pale.

Full review below:

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👍What’s good about this app? The enormous cast of characters in this game and the multi-faceted system involved in gaining favor with them and getting to know them are definitely this game’s biggest assets, in my opinion. Each character has their own unique personality, backstory, style, relationships and role within the in-game society, but what’s really enticing is the fact that the story tends to build up a bit of mystery and intrigue about different characters and families/factions, which motivates you even more to get close with certain NPCs and learn the different secrets they hold. The game is pretty immersive that way in the sense that your goal of building up enough trust and prestige to gain access to the most interesting intel/gossip aligns with the main character’s goal of integrating and positioning herself strategically amidst higher society.

That sense of immersion also comes through in the way the game is structured to allow you to interact pretty freely with the characters rather than following a linear path from one encounter to another. You encounter other characters similarly to how you would if you really were a young noble in this sort of society - by wandering around ballrooms or other settings and seeing who you run into or seeking out those that you already have some level of relationship with. You can even get letters from them! You can choose to follow closely to the main plot, or pick your favorite characters and go out of your way to interact with them, or a mixture of both. This game really focuses around character interactions in a way I’ve never personally seen before, and it’s very impressive - and fun!

Another great aspect of this game is the art, which of course is an important aspect for any dress up game. I’m not very well-versed in fashion in general, but I can say from an average Joe perspective that the clothing items and outfit sets are overall just very pleasing to look at and give me that sort of mouthwatery fashion-p*rn feeling whenever I see some extravagant “look” whether it be from real life, a game or any other sort of media. You could say I’m easily pleased though since I can say that about just about any other dress up game I’ve played or been widely exposed to (Love Nikki, Time Princess etc.). One thing I think is especially cool in this game is the perfume category which I can best describe as creating a kind of animated aura around your character that differs in appearance depending on the perfume. This works well with the fantasy-type setting of the game and gives a little extra magical oomph to the outfits. Other outfit pieces can also be animated, like jewelry that sparkles for example, which is also a nice touch.

The last positive thing I’d like to mention is the theme song of this game that plays in the main menu (and pretty much everywhere else except outings), it’s so beautiful and I love it so much I added it to my Spotify playlist I listen to every day lol. The song is Sans Toi by Sarah Natasha Warne if you’re curious.

In the video below you can see a perfume item in action creating a galaxy-like aura around the character, and hear a short clip of the song as well.

[Video Description: A screen recording showing a fully dressed-up character wearing a luxurious red white and gold robe over an ornate black and white collared top with a red vest and loose-fitting brown pants that have two golden stripes at the end of each pant leg. They are holding a sword, have long blond hair tied in a high-set ponytail that drapes over their left shoulder and have a large, circular golden ornament position behind their head resembling a sun or halo. They are wearing dark stockings and black high heels, and there is a sparkling, swirling aura around them with streams of light changing color from blue to purple flowing toward them. The rest of the character and clothing is still except for jewelry and accessories that sparkle and glow and some golden parts of the clothing that shimmer.]

👎 What’s wrong with this app? There are a few minor flaws with this app such as a glitch(?) I experienced a few times where I was talking with one character and another character suddenly appeared and then disappeared, which I’m pretty sure was a glitch because after it happened for some reason I wasn’t able to complete any of my goals at the ball. Also if you don’t have a great internet connection it can be very frustrating because the game will freeze often, although I can’t criticize this that much since my internet connection just sucks and I’ve experienced this with other games before that are just highly reliant on having a constant internet connection.

Probably my main problem with this game is the lack of diversity in skin tones, both in the cast of characters and in your options for your own character. Like I said there are dozens of characters in this game but from what I’ve seen so far they almost all have pale/light skin. I don’t really think the setting of this game is an excuse considering it’s a fantasy setting and there are definitely characters from different regions or backgrounds but they all just happen to have very light skin. Another reason I think there should definitely be more diversity is that there are definitely themes of racial discrimination in the story - some characters will spout stereotypes and hateful comments about other races, in reference to fantasy races or other social groups in the game, and I’m definitely not saying the targets of those comments should be dark-skinned, I just feel like if you’re going to touch on those subjects but have little to no representation of the people who experience that kind of discrimination in real-life, it seems a bit hypocritical. As a disclaimer I am mixed-race (East Asian and white) and semi-white passing with pale skin so I’m not an authority on the skin tone issue specifically but my opinion as someone reviewing this game is that there’s no reason to not have more diversity in the game, even regardless of whether it involves the themes that I mentioned.

Below is just a handful of the NPCs but as I scrolled through the list pretty much everyone had pale/light skin, Gedanh is the NPC with the darkest skin tone as far as I know:

As far as a lack of diversity in selecting a skin tone for your own character, that didn’t specifically stand out to me at first considering the main character is a pre-established character and not as much of a self-insert as in other games like Time Princess, but the fact that you can change your facial features using “makeup items” and skin tone is also locked to certain makeup items doesn’t seem fair, since it makes whiteness the default and limits darker skin tones to these specific items and corresponding makeup looks. I’m not sure what adding diverse base skin tones would look like from a programming perspective for this game but with everything else this game has going on that is so complex and impressive I feel like there’s not an excuse in this day and age to exclude something as basic as different skin colors.

While the lack of diversity is definitely my biggest criticism of the game, I’ll just add that another flaw is that many aspects of the game can be confusing and despite a pretty lengthy series of tutorial quests that teach you about different parts of the game, I still have some confusion after playing for a while. For example I’m still not even completely sure if winning a beauty contest against a character strengthens your relationship with them, and I had to look at the Helix Waltz wiki to learn how to investigate NPCs’ preferences and exactly how remaking clothes works etc. The wiki and other players are a great resource, but having more guidance in-game, even if it’s in the Help/FAQ section (which I checked and still didn’t have all the info I needed), would be an improvement.

🪞Full list of features (there are a lot but I’ll try to cover them to the best of my ability):

Storyline (main plot, side plots that unlock when you strengthen your relationships with characters and event plots)

Quests (there are quests that go along with the plot or events as well as daily quests. The daily quests are more simple such as “talk to X amount of NPCs” or “attend X amount of balls” while the other quests involve having interactions with specific characters, wearing specific dress up items to certain events, etc.)

Dress up (you dress up for every ball or other outing you attend. Each ball will have a different clothing attribute, such as a certain color or style, that increases your chic points if you wear items with the corresponding tag. Different characters also have style preferences but you need to investigate to find out each character’s preference. In addition to dress up before events, the mirror section of the main interface allows you to make whatever outfit you want with the items you have, which will be the outfit your character wears during scenes outside of outings. There are different categories of items corresponding to different parts of the outfit and for some categories you can wear more than one item from the same category, such as wearing a different bracelet on each wrist)

Balls (this is one of the two main ways you will interact with characters and complete quests. There are a few balls you can choose to attend at any given time, hosted by a specific family or faction, with specific characters attending that you can check before you enter the ball. Once you enter the ball and dress up, you can choose to approach a certain character if that option is available - I think you can only approach characters directly if you’ve already talked to them at the ball or if you are wearing an outfit they like but I’m not sure about that part - or you can choose “wander around” and have the chance to encounter different characters who are attending)

Other outings (in addition to balls there are other places in the game where you can encounter other characters, such as the slum and the tavern, and these outings work similarly to balls in terms of character interactions)

Conversation (for basic conversation you pick from a selection of topics and you can gain favor with a certain character by correctly picking the topic they prefer. There is dialog to read for every conversation although these are stock conversations that repeat so you’ll usually want to just speed through them. When you increase your relationship with a character you can unlock special conversations with them that are more unique and tied to the plot)

Q&A (sometimes a character will ask you a question and depending on if they like your answer it can boost your favor with them)

Beauty contests (while conversing with a character sometimes you can have a beauty contest against them comparing your outfit to theirs, and if you win you get points that I believe go toward earning in-game currency - another thing I’m not 100% sure about. I think you can only have a beauty contest with female characters but there is at least one male character I’ve been able to have a beauty contest with. Sometimes a character will immediately force you into a beauty contest when you encounter them)

Dancing (sometimes when interacting with a character at a ball you’ll have the option to dance with them which opens up a short memory-based minigame. I think completing the minigame correctly yields similar rewards to winning a beauty contest. I think you can only dance with male characters as I’ve never had the option come up with female characters so far)

Gathering intel (intel is a resource in the game that is used to learn more about characters and that can be exchanged with characters for rewards. While wandering around a ball you may have the chance to eavesdrop on characters and gain intel)

Gift Box/gacha mechanic (The Gift Box section of the game is where you can draw from different gacha-type pools for items and resources. Different pools take different currencies and have different sets of items)

Remaking, dyeing and enchanting clothes (you can change the style or color of some clothing items if you collect the right resources, which changes both the item’s outward appearance and attributes that go toward chic points/gaining favor with different characters. You can also enchant clothing items, which changes their appearance and increases their chic points)

Events (there are limited-time events such as events that offer limited-time items/gacha pools and limited-time quests)

Illusion Contests (one way you can compete with other players in the game rather than NPCs. You are given preset clothes items to choose from in order to put together an outfit, and can give the outfit a name. Your outfit is scored based on a voting system where two outfits are shown and players can vote for one or the other. You get rewards based on how many votes you get and you also get rewarded for voting on other outfits)

Championship (another way to compete with others players using your owned items rather than preset items. I have not participated in the championship myself yet but from my understanding you make one outfit to defend against other players challenging you and then make outfits to challenge other players’ defending outfits. The players you have the option to challenge will be the same rank as you so the competition is balanced and I believe this competition is based on the attributes of your items and a theme set for the current championship cycle, a bit more like a NPC beauty contest than the voting-based Illusion Contests.)

⭐️ Overall Rating: 4/5 (this would definitely be a 5/5 game if they fixed the racial diversity issue but it’s unfortunate that a game that’s otherwise so complex and engaging - and has LGBTQ+ representation - drops the ball in this area. I definitely hope they at least add the ability to have different base skin tones in the future.)

I really enjoyed this game so thank you to @raimi for suggesting it! If anyone else has any game review suggestions feel free to send them 🥳

[rawbins-undertale-blog]

hello there!!

i got 2 questions, hope you don't mind!

1. do you have any xreader fic/author recomendations? i'd love to read whatever you reccomend. it could be either here on tumblr or ao3

2. is there an anon list? if not, could you perhaps make one? if the answer is yes, may i become 🌌 (galaxy) or 🪐 (planet) anon?

thank you, have a great day!!

2. Answering this first because it's way shorter: I actually have no clue what an anon list is, but ofc!! You can be galaxy anon if you want, I don't mind :-D (Please do explain what an anon list is to me though lol, because I'm 99% sure I'd be A-okay with doing that)

1. Oooh I have so many!!! List under the cut lol (and I definitely forgot a lot, too 😭)

Let's start off with my most recent, Special Toppings. It's a really funny one and I've read it like, 5 times now. Basically, Edge (undersell Papyrus) hires a stripper while drunk to come to his brother's bachelor party (who Red/underfell Sans is marrying is never stated btw) and it's great. I'd also recommend going through all other fics written by this author. :-) Read it here.

Then, we have Fairytale Complex which is ongoing right now! I'm a few chapters behind at the moment, but as far as I've read it's really good! Basic premise is that you're Frisk's parent, and you're dealing with the monsters and the fact that they hurt your kid. This one gets, like, 29889 bonus points for the reader insert being gender-neutral. Read it here.

This one isn't for everyone, but There's Still Magic is also pretty interesting to me! Major TW for abuse, manipulation and other things like that though, as it's a pretty big theme in the story. Basically, your friend Taylor has offered you to live with her in this big house with her reverse harem of skeleton boyfriends, but it's... not great there for you. Taylor's an ass to the skeletons in the house and they're kept firmly in her manipulative hold, minus Mutt (Rus). The characters are a bit OOC in my opinion, but it's a good fic so I still recommend it! Read it here.

Then, we have ANIME IS REAL! It's really fun and I like it. Basically, Sans shows up at your doorstep (and, mind you, we're in our universe, so up until this point, we've only thought of him as a fictional character) and whoops, now you're in a mansion with the classic gang of skeletons. Very enjoyable. Read it here.

Until That Day Comes is probably my favourite right now, though. It's still ongoing, and I'm really curious to see where it's all headed! Basically, the fic starts with you waking up after... something, and after being missing for a while, with a case of amnesia. As it turns out, you're married to Sans, but you don't remember that at all. While this is going on, you're closing yourself off from all these "strangers" that are trying to help you and searching for your "sister"... I wonder if the sister even exists. Regardless, the plot is immaculate and the drama is to die for. Also the author, Sneakyfox55, has great taste in music and is a real cool person, so I'm just saying it'd be funny if we all pranked them by being real mean and leaving nice comments 🤷 Read it here.

This one is really long - (The Last of the) Real Ones. I feel like telling you too much upfront would ruin the whole fic, so I'll just give you the slightest explanation that is so vague it won't help, but: AU characters are appearing, and you're sent on a mission to collect them. That's all I'm going to say, but if you're the type who likes the reverse harems, this is for you. I really like this one! The reader-insert really isn't my type of character (plus minus points for it being a female reader), but I'm willing to let it slide because the story is so damn good. Read it here.

Super interesting - A Splash of Purple. Basically, you're a witness to a murder and Swapfell Sans is a cop investigating. I can't say much more, but it's a fun read! Still ongoing. Read it here.

All That Jazz. You're a bartender at a bar Undertale Sans attends. I really like the reader-insert (minus the fact that you're decidedly female). Still ongoing. Read it here.

Then we have Blacked Out, which is about Fellswap Sans. You have a one-night stand with him but apparently, you're also soulmates according to him... Still ongoing and only 2 chapters long so far, but I like it already. Read it here.

This one is currently on hiatus - Daughter of Death. It's not my usual type of story, but I seriously like it a lot. I really can't describe it because I'm not sure how lol, but it's good. Read it here.

This one I also have a hard time explaining, especially since it's not finished (and it might be discontinued? It doesn't say it explicitly but it hasn't been updated in years, so...), but Dead Ringer. This one takes place in the usual Undertale Universe. Warning for themes of domestic abuse and transphobia among other things, but the author put up trigger warnings at the start of each chapter with these themes if I remember correctly and I think you can skip those scenes entirely (but don't quote me on that). Sans acts just a bit OOC but that's fine, it's still a good fic so I won't hold that against it or the author. Read it here.

Got Crabs? is another unfairly funny fic that I would definitely recommend. It's a soulmate AU with Red (Underfell Sans) x reader. Read it here.

Bittybones AU!! If You Give a Bittybones a Cookie is really fun. You move into a "haunted" house, but well, it's actually inhabited by bittybones! Read it here.

This one seems to have been discontinued, but My Neighbour Could Kill Me is a fun read! It's pretty short, but regardless, it's interesting. Just know that you're immortal, and the AU skeletons live by the same street as you. Warning for gore and (temporary) death. Read it here.

Of Spells and Illusions is pretty fun too! You're in college and so are the Undertale characters... It's a pretty slow burn, but just know that it's with the classic UT characters, no AU shenanigans here, and it's got a pretty unique premise as all monsters disguise themselves as human! Read it here.

Nostalgia works off the concept of you coming from the normal Undertale universe before suddenly waking up one day in the Underfell universe. Also you've developed magic. It's only 2 chapters long so far (and was last update last year) so it might be silently discontinued, but it's still good so I recommend it! Read it here.

If any of the links lead to the wrong place or don't work, please tell me! :-) Also, I'll probably upload more fic recs sooner or later because these are far from the only ones I love and I've definitely forgotten a lot of them. ^^ Feel free to drop your own recs in the notes <3

[shenanigans-and-imagines]

A Selfish Man

Commander Wolffe x Jedi!Reader, Female Reader, Angst

Pseudo follow up to Just One Night

Warnings: NSFW themes, allusions to breeding kink and biting kink

Prompt: #99 is a personal fav of mine “Bite me.” And I think that should go to Wolffe I exercised SOME restraint..

Requested by @wolfangelwings

A/N: Quick reminder that I am no longer taking requests, this is just me clearing out my inbox. Also, this kinda turned into a thing.  So, have fun with that. And remember REBLOG AND COMMENT IF YOU LIKE THIS!!!

Word Count: 988

           Wolffe was a selfish man.

           He didn’t used to think of himself that way. He used to believe he was a man of honor, somebody who got the job done no matter the cost to his personal safety and happiness.  He was a commander in the Grand Army of the Republic.  What he wanted didn’t matter. 

           But now, as he laid in a dingy motel buried in the depths of Coruscant with your naked form pressed against him, he knew in his heart how selfish he was.

           Neon purple and blue light glared through the thin bare fabric covering the window.  It bathed the room in its unnatural glow, illuminating your skin thanks to sweat of your love making.  The sheets surrounding you were stained well before you freshly soiled them and newly applied plaster clung to the wall just behind the headboard. Despite the effort, it only served to highlight the permanent dent made from years of desperate one-night stands. It was a room designed for fast fucks where credits are exchanged in cash and there are no last names.

           Plenty of clones were familiar with these walls. Some “adventurous” civie would walk into 79s, looking for a good time.  They wouldn’t want to take the clone home for fear of the neighbors; so, they’d come here.

           The clones knew what they were getting into, but they weren’t paying for the room, so what’s the difference? A few even made some money on the side.  Nobody really talked about it.  It wasn’t their business.

           You didn’t deserve this.  You didn’t deserve to be treated like some dirty secret he would try to forget in the morning. You deserved to lay in bed as long as you wanted, wrapped in soft clean sheets until the golden light of the sun played across your skin.  You deserved to be woken to the smell of caf and a gentle kiss, not a banging on the door calling time or an extra fifty credits.  Fifty credits he didn’t have.

           But, what was the alternative? There was no privacy in the barracks.  Even with his own room, somebody would see you and then everyone would know.  And the Jedi Temple? That was even worse.  

           Neither of you had money to find a place of your own. The Jedi didn’t put value in property and the Republic thought he was property.

           This was the best you could do, scrapped together from sabacc games and small favors.

           Despite his feelings, the simple fact was, you were each other’s secret.

           He didn’t mind being your secret.  He knew how much you loved him.  He saw it in your eyes, felt it in your touch, and hear it in the gentleness of your words.  He knew if you could, you would walk with him in the light of the sun, unafraid of who might see.  He also understood why you couldn’t.

           But Maker, he hated keeping you his secret. He wanted nothing more than to tell the whole galaxy you were his, that he loved you and for some unknowable reason you decided to love him. He didn’t care if he was thrown out of the GAR.  He didn’t care if he was stripped of rank and shipped off to some unknown corner of the galaxy, so long as he could still call you his own.  

           Unfortunately, if he did, you would no longer be a Jedi.  He wouldn’t do that to you, not for anything.

           So, he made it up to you each time you were together.  If he couldn’t show the world, he could show you over and over again.

           It was so easy to get lost in you.  Your smell and your touch and your taste, overwhelmed his senses.  The way you begged for him made him weak.  He could still hear your voice in his ears.

           “Please Wolffe.  I need you.  Bite me.  Mark me as yours!”

           Maker it was like you were made for him.  You fit so perfectly against him. The way you clung to him when he made you cum, like you were trying to absorb him into your skin drove him to the depth of insanity.  Sweet moans and gasped poured from your mouth when your cunt clenched tightly around him, milking him for all he was worth.  

           You were insatiable. You took all that he gave you and still begged for more. How many times had you pleaded he stay inside you, knowing it would only get him hard all over again? How many times had he submitted? Pumping you full over and over again until cum poured from you core, drenching the sheets beneath you.

           That was the real trick.  It didn’t matter that it was your hands tied to the bedpost or his teeth marking your skin, he was completely at your mercy.  Anything you asked of him, he would do. It didn’t matter how tired or sore he was.  If you wanted to him, he would give all of himself to you as many times as it took to leave you satisfied.  He would prove himself worthy of worshiping your body.

           He couldn’t buy you nice things or give you a home. He was never good with words.  Even protecting you in battle, which he had done for so long, was no longer an option. But, he could do this.  He could find ways to be with you and give you the pleasure only he could provide.  He could show you he loved you and hope it was enough.

           However we can, for as long as we can.  That was the promise, wasn’t it?

           You shifted in your sleep, holding him tighter as if you could sense his doubt. Maybe you could. Just another reason why he could never leave you.

           It was selfish having you like this, but there was nothing he could do about it. He was a selfish man, after all.

[tunedtostatic]

galaxies of my heart

Vikady, also featuring Sana and a brief Krejjh cameo

CW: injury, aftermath of torture, painkiller drugs, brief domestic violence mention (not named characters), food, discussion of medical trauma & painkiller controversies

As she speaks, one of her hands makes what could be the beginning of a motion to reach for Arkady, then folds back into her lap. Arkady wonders if Sana gave her a crash course on Not Touching Your Loved Ones Without Warning After They’ve Been Tortured Because They Might Freak Out, or if that was something she already knew from her time as a medic. Either possibility feels depressingly plausible.

I finished my first tscosi fic! In which injuries are cared for, miscommunications are miscommunicated, assumptions are countered, and kisses are kissed. Title (and lyrics referenced in the fic) are from “space girl” by Frances Forever, even though it’s kind of a fluffy song relative to some of the subject matter, but not to worry, I have a permit [unfolds a sheet of paper that reads “I was working on my Vikady fanmix in the morning the day I started this fic and got it stuck in my head big time”]

Edit: I realized 9k is a little long to be easily navigable in post form so I archived this as well. I just learned when attempting to post a credited picrew that Tumblr is still hiding posts with links, but it’s at archiveofourown dot org, /works/31851859.

Edit the second: Re-reading “adrenaline makes you do stupid things” by jaggedwolf and I'm 90% sure I accidentally stole a couple things from there rather than the general primordial soup of my brain (the line "That can't be comfortable" and maybe the general concept of Arkady making sure she gets hurt before the person she's been captured with), so adding this to give credit where due to a really great fic that you should definitely read if you haven't already.

~

The first time Arkady surfaces, everything around her is still coated in a haze as though she’s dreaming. The room is quiet, and when she takes a sharp breath in, all of a sudden Violet is leaning over her, her hair swinging near Arkady’s face.

“You’ve got very dynamic hair,” Arkady says, or at least tries to say, and then she’s asleep again.

The next time she wakes up, she wakes up completely, although her mind still feels a little foggy. Her body aches, and—yeah, based on that ceiling, she’s definitely in the medbay of the Iris 2. Which means that they made it back to the ship, or at least that Arkady did—

Fear surges through her, and she peers back and forth. Her eyes land on Sana, who is sitting to the right of her bed, crocheting something that sprawls across her lap in chaotic loops.

Her intention is to say Sana’s name, but she can’t even make it through the first syllable, emitting a sound that sounds more like the “Ssss” of the litter of feral kittens Brian and Krejjh found that one time. Great job, Patel, you’d make a better hissing kitten than a first mate. Krejjh is going to have to stop calling you First Mate Patel and start calling you Feral Kitten Patel—

The thought of Krejjh is enough to make Arkady’s whole mind flinch. Krejjh—

The feral kitten hiss must have been loud enough for Sana to hear, though, because she’s dropping her crocheting to her lap, looking toward Arkady.

“Kady,” she says warmly, at the same time as Arkady croaks, “Krejjh—”

“Is fine.” Sana’s hand comes up to rest on the pillow next to Arkady’s cheek, a steadying presence, though she doesn’t touch her.

“They were with me.”

“They were.” Sana nods. “But they’re here and they’re not hurt. Hanging out with Brian in the kitchen as we speak.” She glances through the medbay door before her gaze bounces back to Arkady, and it’s such a familiar Sana kind of motion that Arkady feels the remainder of her panic fade slightly. Speaking of octopuses of myth and legend, that’s Sana, one mental tendril keeping track of the approximate status of each member of her crew at any given time.

“How are you feeling?” Sana continues. “Park said you were in a lot of pain before you passed out. Violet has you on a painkiller drip, but she’s using the minimum the way you always want. If you’re in pain, we can raise the dose.”

Arkady turns her attention more fully to her body. Pain and sensation are present, but muffled, as though they are far away. Ribs: hurt. Arm: hurts significantly. Legs: hurt, but only a little.

It’s bearable. “I’ve had worse.”

“Kady—”

“I’m fine, Sana. Just feels like…what do you call them…colors, purple, ouch…bruises.” She shakes her head, then stills with a wince. “The others?”

“Everyone’s safe.” Sana pats the pillow where her hand rests next to Arkady’s cheek. “Park found you and Krejjh before anyone laid a finger on them. He got out fine, too. You’re the only one who was hurt, Kady.”

Arkady studies Sana’s face. “How…bad is it?”

“Six fractures, no serious tissue injuries.” Sana’s voice is gentle but matter-of-fact. “We’re going to pick up some skeletal accelerators next time we’re on-planet. Violet thinks that with those in the mix, the worst,” she gestures to the cast on Arkady’s right wrist, “should be mended in about two months.”

Arkady closes her eyes. One day, everything is fine, the next, a few backwater IGR assholes get the drop on them, and now she’s going to be out of commission for two months.

Still. Better her than Krejjh.

The thought is an icily familiar one, although yesterday she was limited to the grimmer Better just the two of us than the others. Krejjh was tied up on the other side of the room, and when the IGR goons got bored beating on Arkady, or kicked her in the wrong place and just killed her, they’d move on to Krejjh, and there was nothing Arkady could do about it—

Arkady’s eyes fly open, and she turns her head to nudge it clumsily into Sana’s hand. Sana cups Arkady’s cheek in her palm, thumb brushing over her cheekbone, wiping away wetness. When Arkady exhales, her breath is shaky. Stupid. They’re all safe now.

“They didn’t hurt Krejjh?” Her voice doesn’t sound like her own, unsteady and small.

“They didn’t hurt Krejjh.”

“Can I walk? Before the two months?” Her voice is still so small. Stupid.

Sana brushes Arkady’s temple with her fingertips, her calloused palm still warm against Arkady’s cheek. “Violet says she thinks you’ll be able to use a walking cast in three or four weeks. Or a little earlier, depending on how quickly the accelerators work their magic.”

Arkady keeps her eyes closed. “Those aren’t cheap.”

“That’s what rainy-day funds are for.”

“Do we even have a rainy-day fund anymore?”

“I will shake Other Violet down for loose change if I have to, Kady.” Sana’s fingers caress her temple again, and there is steel in her voice as she says, “This is my ship, and when one of my crew needs something, I find a way.”

“I know you do.” Arkady opens her eyes, though she finds that her eyelids seem to have grown heavier in the intervening minutes. She blinks sleepily at Sana. “You’re such a good octopus.”

Sana beams. “Thank you, Kady! I…have some questions,” she adds, “but they can wait until later, I think.”

Arkady’s eyelids are so heavy, but there’s one other thing she needs to ask. “Vi’?”

“Violet’s okay, too. She’s been taking care of you since yesterday, but I shooed her off to get some sleep.”

Arkady smiles. “’nks, S’na.”

Sana smiles back. “We’re all okay,” she says tenderly, “and if anyone out there tries to change that, I will demolish them.”

Arkady nods against Sana’s hand, straining to keep her eyes open.

“We’re all okay, Kady,” Sana repeats, and Arkady lets herself slip into sleep.

~

There are hours of restless dreams, and a dreamlike interlude where someone gently shakes her awake, holding her head up and helping her drink a medicine cap of chalky fluid, before she slips back into dreams that finally segue into deep sleep.

There is quiet music playing the next time she wakes up. She can remember where she is this time, and she lies with her eyes closed for a minute, enjoying the sound of the instrumental jazz track she recognizes from Krejjh and Brian’s Infinite Space-Themed Playlist. In the darkness behind her eyes, she doesn’t have to face the fact that she can’t walk, or run, or kick, or punch, or protect the crew, or—

Okay, maybe the space behind her closed eyelids isn’t as restful as it could be. Arkady opens her eyes.

Violet is sitting beside her bed with one leg tucked up on the chair, reading a tablet. A few strands of hair have fallen from behind her ear to brush against her cheek, and she’s biting her lower lip the way she sometimes does when she’s focused on something. Brian’s little retro radio music player is sitting on the bedside table, continuing to ooze soft jazz as Violet lifts an absentminded finger to tap to the next page, then curls her hand back into her soft sweater.

Yeah, eyes open? Definitely an improvement.

She should probably say Violet’s name, regardless of how endearing it is to watch her read. Before she has a chance to do so, though, she must breath loudly or make some kind of noise, because Violet looks up, her face crinkling into a tired smile.

“Hey,” she says softly.

Arkady smiles. “Hey, Liu. Good to see you again.”

“It’s good to see you, too.” Violet’s smile quavers for a second. “Really, really good.”

Arkady tries to make her voice reassuring. “Hey, I’m okay, Violet, huh? It’s gonna be okay.”

Violet rolls her eyes, a small smile blossoming on her lips. “You’re the one in the medbay bed, Arkady. I’m supposed to be taking care of you.”

As she speaks, one of her hands makes what could be the beginning of a motion to reach for Arkady, then folds back into her lap. Arkady wonders if Sana gave her a crash course on Not Touching Your Loved Ones Without Warning After They’ve Been Tortured Because They Might Freak Out, or if that was something she already knew from her time as a medic. Either possibility feels depressingly plausible.

“It sounds like you have been taking care of me.” Arkady smiles again. “Sana said you were here with me all night until she made you get some rest.” She thinks back, trying to pin down a faint memory. “I remember seeing you, leaning over me?”

“Yeah, you woke up really briefly last night.” Violet wrinkles up her forehead in that adorable way that she does. “You said something that sounded like, um…‘You’ve have hair’?”

Arkady grins. “Well shit, Liu, you sure do have hair, don’t you?”

Violet laughs, shaking her head back and forth. Her hair bobs around as though a breeze is passing through the medbay, and Arkady laughs too, then winces as the pain in her ribs flares.

Violet stills instantly. “You have some fractured ribs—”

“Yeah, kinda put that together.” Arkady tries to breathe with the minimum possible amount of motion.

The expression on Violet’s face makes it look like she’s in pain herself. “Would you like me to up the dose on your painkiller drip?” she asks softly.

“Nah.” Along with the flaring pain in her ribs, both of Arkady’s legs and her right wrist have that same itching, burning ache. The rest of her body is just sore, like she’s covered in bruises, which she probably is. “Uh, speaking of which, though. Could I get a rundown on what’s, you know, busted? Sana said I had…six? seven?...fractures, but we didn’t get into specifics beyond the two-month limit.” She grimaces a little at the thought.

“Six,” Violet confirms immediately, before adding, with an abashed smile, “I mean, not that that makes things that much better than seven?”

Arkady resists the impulse to laugh again, confining herself to a snort. “Can’t argue that point.”

“In answer to your question,” Violet begins, slipping into her calm medic tone of voice, “you have two cracked ribs and fractures to your left foot and right ankle. They broke your right wrist pretty badly, and I’m going to need to be very careful about injecting any accelerators there, especially if we can’t find an actual doctor on-planet to do it, so it might be a little more than two months before any, uh, heavy use, but you should have the hard cast off earlier than that.”

“Right.” Arkady inhales through her nose; exhales through her mouth. “Could have been worse, right?” At least she isn’t blubbering the way she was with Sana, but her voice still drops too small and quiet on the last word.

“It could have.” Violet’s own reply is almost a whisper, and Arkady silently swears at herself for her choice of phrasing.

When she looks up, though, Violet doesn’t look weepy.

She looks furious.

“Hey, you okay there, Liu?” Arkady stares at Violet’s clenched jaw and balled fists. “You look like you’re about to blow a gasket.”

Violet laughs a little, flexing her fingers and curling her hands more loosely back against her sweater. “Did you pick that one up from Tripathi?”

“That’s not a mechanic expression. Everyone uses that expression.”

Violet gives her a skeptical look.

“Okay, yeah, I may have picked it up from the captain. It’s still a normal-person expression, though.”

Violet chuckles, and they both lapse into silence.

This is nice, Arkady tells herself. Spending time with Violet is nice. It’s nice, it’s pleasant, it’s a way to distract herself from the itching, burning ache in her limbs and the creeping dread of knowing that if the ship is boarded, Arkady can’t even run, much less protect anyone else.

“Speaking of Tripathi,” Violet says with a smile, “I should give you an update on the latest, ahem, on-ship situation. Our captain has declared that next time she has a free moment she’s going to tear out that weird shallow closet in the hall next to Park’s room and put in inset cabinets for towels and stuff so Park and RJ and I don’t have to cross the ship for them. But when RJ found out, they said…”

Arkady tries to listen to Violet’s narration of Sana and RJ’s stalemate about the cabinets, smiling at the appropriate points while keeping a lid on the sinking feeling of knowing that for not days but weeks, she’ll be able to do jack-all do protect either Sana or RJ, or Violet, who is sitting here smiling at Arkady with love and trust in her eyes as though half the universe isn’t out to get them here in their one fragile ship that Violet wouldn’t even be on if Arkady hadn’t tricked her onto it in the first place—

She shoves the thoughts away, focusing on formulating a reply to Violet’s story. “Well, if it devolves into fisticuffs, Sana could take them, but if Sana calls a vote, I’m pretty sure Brian and Krejjh will side with RJ about the sheet music, and I don’t know what or whether Park would care.” She grins. “So, even odds.”

Violet snorts. “Well, I’ll keep you apprised, assuming none of the combatants wander in here to make their case to you themselves.”

“Medbay and a show?”

“On this ship? I wouldn’t be surprised.”

Arkady grins again. “I don’t know why Krejjh thinks being an outlaw is boring. The way we live, we practically produce our own shampoo.”

Violet snorts again before adding, in the kind of giggle-whisper Arkady most closely associates with grade-school gossip, “I can’t believe they got RJ into Sh'th Hremreh.”

“I know.” Arkady bites back another grin. “I mean, I guess we shouldn’t be surprised. Krejjh can be very persuasive.”

“If by ‘being persuasive’ you mean ‘talking loudly and enthusiastically about a piece of media until everyone in their general vicinity is compelled by gravitational media force to watch the thing in question,’ then yes, I guess you could refer to it that way.”

“I notice it hasn’t worked on you yet.” Arkady raises an eyebrow. “Or has it?”

“No, I have not dipped into Sh'th Hremreh.” Violet raises an eyebrow. “Yet.”

Arkady bites down on another chest-killing laugh before it can escape, glancing toward the radio on the bedside table. “Speaking of Brian and Krejjh creations. The notorious Infinite Space-Themed Playlist, huh?”

Violet smiles, gazing at Arkady tenderly. “You seemed a little restless in your sleep, and I’ve always hated total quiet when I’m sick, so I thought maybe it’d be nice to put on some background music.”

“Oh. Thanks.” Arkady pushes away an obscure flash of annoyance at the sentimentality of Violet taking the time to put on this playlist for an asleep Arkady as though something as trivial as music is a priority when Arkady is down for the count and Krejjh is doubtless drained from yesterday themself and the whole crew is going to have to figure out how to scrape by and cover piloting shifts and handle everything with no security officer and a stressed pilot and a tired medic and—

She shoves the annoyance aside, telling herself not to be an ass. There are literal studies showing that music is good for mental and physical health, right? And she sure as shit could use as much distraction as possible from the ache of her ribs and her ankle and her messed-up wrist. Having a playlist on is nice. This is nice.

Holst’s The Planets has come on, making for a somewhat grim background compared with the rest of the playlist, and Violet leans forward to jab irritably at the advance button until a benign rock song begins.

Arkady gives her an inquiring look, and Violet sighs, biting her lip again.

“I am so angry,” she says finally. “About what they did to you.”

“You and me both, trust me.”

Violet sighs, slumping in her chair. “You and me aren’t the only ones who are. Krejjh was pretty…shaken. Brian and Sana have been there for them, obviously,” she adds hastily, “and they’re doing fine. We can take care of each other. We are taking care of each other. The last thing I want to do is make you worry about us. But…” She trails off. “This isn’t just another day on the Iris. Not for any of us.”

“Well, that’s why the IGR does what they do,” Arkady mutters, closing her eyes. “Torture gets results.”

Violet sounds startled. “Every credible study in the universe has shown that torture doesn’t work. You said yourself—”

Arkady opens her eyes. “Torturing someone to interrogate them doesn’t produce reliable information. People know that. That’s not what it’s for. Torture is popular across the universe, through history, because it punishes people. Controls them. Their families. Whole societies.” She wouldn’t have to explain this to Sana. “When it’s on the table, you live your whole life under a threat. The actual torturing makes the people doing it feel powerful and good, and in the environment it creates, everyone else is easier to control. Win-win.”

Violet’s eyes have gone all huge and empathetic. “Arkady—” she whispers.

Something about that look always gets under Arkady’s skin. “Calm down,” she snaps. “I know you’re incapable of not freaking out when I talk about my childhood, but no, I’m not implying I was beaten up as a kid. The guards mostly just beat on adults; I think they knew that if they went after kids too often, enough people would’ve stood up against them regardless of losses. Or hey, maybe it was a vestige of human decency. Kinda doubt it, though.” She gestures vaguely with her good hand, careful not to pull at the IV. “I mean, of course I got beat up by other kids a few times, but just in a normal way, not in a torture way—Point is, yeah, I’ve known this stuff for a long time, but it’s not like you’re a stranger to it, right? You’ve spent your entire adult life under the IGR. You knew what was happening to some of the people who were disappearing.”

Violet is staring silently at her with that look of horrified concern, but hey, at least Violet’s overempathetic mind jumping directly to Cresswin as an explanation of Arkady’s knowledge on this subject is arguably preferable to her thinking through the percentage of Arkady’s life spent in Special Forces and then as an IGR guard herself, a train of logic that she finds herself hoping Violet doesn’t follow.

But that isn’t the right way to think about it, is it, her brain points out a moment later, the way it does whenever she considers discretely concealing the most hideous parts of herself from Violet. Violet is dating her. She deserves to know what she’s gotten herself into.

“It was never like…this,” she starts. “It was never me in a room with a helpless person, hurting them. But you know I was Special Forces during the war. You know I was a guard on Telemachus. Yes, I grew up on a prison planet and it’s all very sad but once you get over your latest shock about that—you’re a scientist, you can do the math and figure out that I don’t only know how this works from one side of it.”

Violet’s eyes are getting progressively wider, and Arkady drops her gaze to stare fixedly at her own hands. “They didn’t train us on the details of it; not…techniques. I mean, I don’t doubt they had people for that, but that would’ve been above my pay grade. But me, us, those goons who got the drop on us yesterday, we’re instructed pretty clearly in, ha, ‘maintaining control over a noncompliant population.’ Not like it’s just a few backwater goons breaking bones, either. When I was a guard—”

It isn’t even that her voice breaks, not really. It’s more of a stumble over the sudden realization that her voice should be breaking, or shaking, or anything other than steady and clear.

“When I was a guard, we all knew that some of the people we were guarding would be ferried to the more, ha, specialized options. Zone Z isn’t a secret.” Her voice, still flat, is rising. “And during the war…I can’t pretend that what I did in combat was better. I killed a lot of people, Violet. I killed a lot of people and they will never be alive again. You can’t say that that’s better than being a professional torturer. I can’t pretend that, and I can’t pretend some of my unit and some the people leading us…I can’t pretend that they didn’t do…” She stares down at her body. “This kind of thing.”

Silence. Arkady forces herself to look up.

Violet is staring at her in horror, but, for once, Arkady at least agrees that it’s justified.

She can feel herself breathing hard, and her face is wet again, which is frankly an indictment of her as much as anything else in this conversation. Crying to your girlfriend for sympathy about the horrible things you’ve done to other people isn’t exactly a good look.

“Look,” she says. “Some of this will haunt me until the day I die, and that’s good. It means I’m still human; it means…it doesn’t matter what it means. It’s what I need to do whether it means anything or not. I should be haunted. I think even Sana would agree with that.” She sighs. “I can figure out a way to live with this shit, and I do, but you signing up to…you know…see…someone who you knew was a smuggler and a killer doesn’t mean you thought through the implications of the IGR part of the equation before you asked me out.” Her voice is rising in irritation even though Violet is the last person in this medbay who deserves it. “I’m not the most mobile right now, but this is your medbay, I think you can find the door—”

“Arkady.”

Arkady looks up again. Violet is making steady eye contact with her. The horror hasn’t all gone out of her expression, but her voice is firm, not panicked. “I knew, when I started going out with you, that you had been a soldier with the IGR.”

“Okay, but you also assumed anyone who’d fought in the war was a ‘war hero,’ so you’ll forgive me if I have my doubts that you grasped what—”

“Arkady.” Violet’s voice is louder now, but still very level. “In case you need the reminder, I was fully aware of both your history and what the IGR was capable of the day I asked you out. You know, the day we were fleeing New Jupiter in a stolen IGR ship? That day?” A faint note of humor has entered Violet’s voice, though it disappears as she continues, “I’m going to leave for five minutes, to go to the bathroom and splash water on my face, not for good. I’ll have my communicator if you need anything.”

“Oh.” Arkady stares at her. “Okay?” she manages.

Violet walks out of the medbay, and Arkady stares blankly at the ceiling until her footsteps reenter. As promised, the hair around her face looks damp, but she looks calmer, more settled. She sets a glass of something on the bedside table.

“I brought you some juice, which you should be able to have now that you’re up and talking, but—” She sighs. “We should probably discuss this first.”

Arkady watches her.

“Arkady, I…” For the first time since her calm monologue before leaving the room, Violet looks uncertain, then presses on. “Like I said. I did know that you had been a guard with the IGR, and I did know more or less what that meant. And I knew—” She rubs her face with one hand. “Well, I didn’t know, it’s not like you can ever know with anyone, when I was a paramedic I saw cases of domestic violence where you never would’ve—anyway. I thought that I knew that you weren’t the kind of person who hurt people for your own satisfaction, and that felt like enough.” Her eyebrows crease together. “You make me feel safe. You always have.”

Arkady can feel her face beginning to get soaked again. All the things that she feels are careening around inside her, as though her heart is a ship in a bottle and somehow, within the glass, someone has conjured a storm.

“And it…sounds like I was right?” Violet lets out a breath that could almost be a shaky laugh. “You never…you’re saying you never did to anyone else…the kind of thing that was just done to you.”

She opens her mouth again, then hesitates, her words becoming slower and more contemplative.

“You’re right, though. I’m not sure I…that in the time after I’d realized the IGR was a lot less than less than perfect, I’m not sure I ever thought through the degree to which you, as a guard, would have been complicit in…those things. And…” She sighs again. “You’re right. I do think of people who fought in the war as heroes. I mean, I never really had a chance to—or, no, I can’t sit here and claim that I never had a chance. I never let myself think about how likely it was that some of the people fighting for us were…how did you put it. Specialized at things that make me sick even to think about. But also…”

She drops her gaze to her lap.

“I…I know that you killed Dwarnians. People. I know that a lot of soldiers killed a lot of people. I mean, that’s what war means, right?” She gives another shaken almost-laugh. “And I’m not—I’ve never been the kind of person who celebrates other people dying—”

“I know you’re not, Violet.” Violet is a biologist and a medic. Her work is the stuff of life, not death.

Violet slumps lower into her chair. “Yeah. But…because those deaths feel…felt…feel…partially justified to me, because the Dwarnians were trying to conquer us…maybe I let that make me forget a little that those deaths are still…deaths.”

She lifts her face, looking Arkady in the eye, and Arkady isn’t sure what she sees there. “Sometimes I wonder whether, irrespective of everything else about our lives—” Violet makes a swirly motion with her hand, as though to encapsulate the distances between worlds. “I wonder if you always would have been the kind of person who doesn’t lose sight of the death part.”

“Interesting theory, Violet,” Arkady says, once she can get herself to speak. “Doesn’t change that I was the one of us doing the killing.”

As she says the words, she realizes that they sum out to something snarkier than she intended, but there’s no bite to her voice, and Violet seems to register that.

“No,” she says simply. “It doesn’t.”

Arkady watches Violet in silence as she scrapes tendrils of drying hair off her forehead, straightening back up in her chair.

“Anyway. I’m not walking out that door, Arkady. You’re right, I hadn’t truly thought about what it meant that you were Special Forces. There are probably things about the war that I need to…well, I’ll probably never understand them completely, but things that I need to acknowledge.” She sighs. “But I meant what I said earlier. When I asked you out, I was asking you, not some hypothetical better you. Besides,” she adds quietly, “it’s not like I don’t have my own regrets.”

There’s a pretty big difference between ‘keeping your head down and getting a college degree’ and ‘actively killing people,’ but Arkady doesn’t feel like getting into it.

She lets herself sink back into the pillow. The room feels calmer, like the air on a planet after a storm.

No, it doesn’t, Violet said, and somehow, that feels like an anchor. Violet isn’t so horrified by the things that Arkady has done that she needs to pretend that they don’t exist.

“I. Uh. Okay.” Arkady attempts a smile, though she has a bad feeling that she’s making more of a weird grimace.

Fortunately, Violet doesn’t seem to mind, giving her a smile of her own that’s only a little shaky. “I’m glad we, uh, talked about this, but I’m guessing it isn’t doing your pain any good and I’m ready to shelve it for now if you are?”

“Shelving, uh. Sounds good.” Arkady nods vigorously. “Yeah.”

“Also, you owe me an apology for snapping at me,” Violet says calmly.

“Oh.” Arkady stares at her for a second. “I…shouldn’t have done that, should I?” Great job restating the obvious, idiot. “I…” Jesus Christ.

Violet is watching her silently. Arkady takes a breath.

“Violet, I’m sorry. You’re right. I shouldn’t have snapped at you about something that had almost nothing to do with you. I mean, I shouldn’t shout at you in general, that’s broadly speaking a dick move, but in this particularly context I definitely, especially shouldn’t have—”

Shut up, shut up, shut up. What is a good apology even like? Sincere. Doesn’t make it about yourself.

“What I mean is—I’m sorry.” She bites her lip. "And, uh…thank you. For, um, not holding me to a lesser standard because I was hurt.” Or because I’m someone who has hurt other people. “Not that you should have to remind me I owe you an apology, but…” She squirms. “You had enough faith in me to know I’d. You know. Want to. So. Uh. Thanks.”

So much for not making it about herself. She coughs awkwardly. “So. Yeah. Uh. You sure there’s not anything…more that you want to talk about? Because I, uh, just freaked out and dumped a ton of my garbage right into your lap, and if there’s anything else you need to say, or ask, or whatever, I’m here. I mean, I kinda can’t go anywhere else right now, but—you know what I mean.”

“Thanks.” Violet smiles a little. Arkady nods, trying to smile back and hoping this one isn’t too grimacey.

Staring at Arkady as though deep in thought, Violet says, “I don’t think there’s anything else, right now. I still want you to talk to someone about…all this…at some point. It doesn’t need to be a civilian counselor. Just…someone. But…”

Violet bites her lip. Her pained look from when Arkady hurt herself laughing is back, if it even ever left. “You have multiple broken bones and you’re stuck in bed and in pain, and right now more than talking about anything I just want you to be able to rest.”

“Oh,” Arkady manages. Helpfully, she follows it up with, “Ah.”

Violet smiles again, then hesitates. “Though, there is—"

She is staring at Arkady very intently all of a sudden, and Arkady can practically see the gears turning inside her head. She feels her own body tensing, a runaway voice inside her warning her that reminding Violet about so much of her past all in one go might mean that this is the day Violet finally does walk out the door for good.

But when Violet speaks, it’s not about the part of the conversation that Arkady was expecting.

“So…you’ve always known that torture, um, works. Ever since you were a kid.”

“What? Yeah, I—you grow up on a place like Cresswin, you get a pretty firm grasp of what torture is used for, yeah.”

Violet is biting her lip as though in deep thought. “So…when I was on the Iris…and you’d just stopped pretending to be Kay Grisham, and I accused you of wanting me to get in the cryo chamber so you could torture me for information…you said ‘We don’t torture, it doesn’t yield reliable results,’ and then you said, ‘Also, it’s wrong.’ But you believed…you knew that torture did work.” Violet’s voice is slow, her face still screwed up as though she is working something out. “Even if not for the exact purpose I was accusing you of. So…when you said all that…the reason that you, the real you, didn’t torture, that the Rumor crew didn’t torture, is just because it’s wrong.”

“Gee, Liu, glad you’re having a warm, fuzzy realization about how heartfelt and wholesome it is that our crew doesn’t torture people.” Arkady’s pent-up dread gives way to a fervent eyeroll. “Have you met Sana? Like, held a conversation with her? At any point in time? For more than thirty seconds?”

Violet sighs in annoyance. “That isn’t what—” she fires back, then stops, her voice going gentle again. “That isn’t what I meant. Do you want to try to have some of the juice now?”

“Liu,” Arkady says, a slow grin spreading across her face. “Are you keeping a lid on the snarky repartee because I’m all injured and convalescent? Because if I can say anything I want while you nobly go easy on me, can I just comment that the way that you put cereal in your milk a little at a time ‘so it doesn’t get soggy’ is mind-blowingly—”

“You’re making me. Want. To be a lot. Less. Noble. About it.”

Arkady snickers, then smiles, holding out her bruised but less-busted left hand. Violet stops mock-glaring and reaches across Arkady’s body to take it in a careful, awkward clasp, smiling at her as though…

Well, shit, Arkady doesn’t know how to put it into words, or at least not into words that aren’t all dramatic and weird. Violet is smiling at Arkady as though Arkady is some wonder of the universe that Violet can’t believe she gets to have the privilege of seeing, like a star or a comet or…whatever it is that biologists rock their socks about, a really cool bug or something.

It’s weird and kind of overwhelming, but kind of in a good way, and Arkady just wants to sit here and hold Violet’s hand, and look at Violet, and let herself be looked at by Violet like the wonder of the universe that Arkady knows that she is not but that she could, as Violet watches at her, almost believe herself to be—

“Violet,” Arkady says, wrinkling her eyebrows. “How many painkillers do you have me dosed up on right now?” She squints at the IV bag above her, dropping Violet’s hand and trying to shove herself a little more upright against the pillows. “Also, does a convalescent gal get to sit up around here? I kinda want to try some of that juice, and maybe someday even do something horribly taxing like read an update on our ship’s computer systems.”

The corner of Violet’s mouth turns up in a smile. “I’ll raise the bed. Let me know where you want to stop.”

“Right.” Arkady lies back as the fancy Iris 2 medbay bed hums its way upright. “Okay, stop.”

Raising her head from the thin pillow, she tips her stiff neck back and forth, peering around the medbay, which looks pretty much the way it always does. Sana’s multicolored crocheting bag is slung over the back of a chair.

“Let’s see, I think there’s—” Violet leans somewhere behind her, pulling out a fresh pillow and reaching forward to tuck it gently behind Arkady’s head. “Better?”

“Yeah. Thanks.”

“In answer to your question,” Violet says, still in her calm, attentive medic voice as she continues to adjust the pillows, “you told me back when I was taking down medical info on the Rumor that you prefer minimal use of sedative painkillers, and even the Iris doesn’t have any of the good non-sedative intravenous stuff, so I’ve been using the minimum of the intravenous sedative painkillers and transitioning you to our standard orals. That should mean you’re less groggy, but also that we’re blocking less of the, well, pain, so let me know if you want me to adjust the dose. It’s not all-or-nothing; I can fiddle with it a little without instantaneously sending you to another dimension,” she adds, a note of warm humor in her voice as she sits back in her chair with smile.

Arkady blinks, still stuck on the first part of that. “You did?”

“Did…” Violet frowns, visibly parsing which of her words Arkady is referring to, before her face clears in understanding. “Did stick to the minimum end of the range I considered safe and reasonable?” She gives Arkady a look Arkady doesn’t quite know how to interpret, sort of alarmed and sad. “Your medical decisions are your own, Arkady. I’m not going to override your wishes just because I care about you and seeing you in pain isn’t easy for me. Or any other reason.” Violet’s eyebrows furrow. “No one should,” she adds, in that quietly defiant tone of voice that she uses when she’s declaring something and has realized that she wants the whole universe to know it’s what she believes.

“Oh.” Arkady swallows. “Yeah.”

“We’re coming up on the next dose of the orals in a quarter of an hour,” Violet says, her voice businesslike again as she checks her watch. “In the meantime, are you ready for juice?”

“I didn’t even know we had juice.” Arkady eyes the glass with interest.

“There was some concentrate in the pantry. When Tripathi and I sorted the food, we tucked some of it away in case someone got hurt and needed easy fluids.”

“That was very forward-thinking of you.”

“On this ship, not really,” Violet mutters, holding the glass to Arkady’s lips.

Drinking from the glass as Violet holds it turns out to be somewhat complicated and require both of their full attention, but once Violet sets it back down, Arkady leans back against the pillows with a smirk. “Hey, we’re dashing space rogues. A few bumps and bruises are all part of the job.”

“‘A few,’” Violet returns, but without rancor.

“It’s my job, Liu,” Arkady snarks back cheerfully. Between the juice and the strains of one of Krejjh’s actually-good Dwarnian jazz tracks and Violet’s reassuring presence next to her, Arkady is beginning to feel more like herself than she has in a while, the helplessness of yesterday starting to feel a little further away. Even the pain is…okay, the pain is still pretty painful, actually, a constant burn at the edges of her mind.

She hesitates.

“Violet?”

“Yes?”

“Could you maybe…” Arkady licks her lips. “You said you could fiddle with the painkiller drip a little, right? Because my shitty bones kinda hurt a lot and I wouldn’t mind if they, uh, didn’t.”

“I can do that.” When Violet meets Arkady’s gaze, her voice is calm and serious. “I’ll start with a small increment. It will take about thirty seconds to take effect. Does that sound good?”

“Yeah. Yes.”

Standing, Violet adjusts something.

Arkady waits.

“Do you feel anything yet?”

The relief is noticeable, the pain in Arkady’s chest and limbs cooling down a notch. “Better. Wow. Better.” Arkady hesitates. “You, uh. Said that that was a small increment? I think I could use another small increment.”

“Okay.” Violet makes another adjustment.

This time, the relief is almost total. Arkady stares at the ceiling, feeling tears of relief prick her eyes as the burning ache eases to almost nothing.

Everything feels a little foggier, too, but she’s still here, and able to form mental sentences, and the pain is all but gone.

“That’s good.” She bites her lip as Violet sits back at her side. “That’s really, really—the pain is almost gone. Now.”

Violet swallows visibly, staring at Arkady in relief.

Arkady feels a tear coalesce and run down her cheek, and Violet reaches forward with gentle fingers to wipe it away.

“I’m glad, Arkady,” she whispers. “I’m so glad.”

Arkady lets a long breath out, looking around the room again. It’s almost like being in a new room, a room-without-pain, during a new day, a day-without-pain.

“Sana will be glad, too,” she comments wryly as her gaze lands on the crocheting bag again. “She gets all twitchy whenever she manages to have good food or meds or supplies on hand and someone doesn’t use them.” She grins. “It’s her whole octopus thing. You know, I think I called her an octopus yesterday? Krejjh won’t shut the hell up about octopi now that they’ve found out they’re, gasp, actually real, so I guess I just permanently have octopi on the brain now, and I was thinking about how Sana has her whole multitasking thing where she’s got an eye on the status of the whole ship and everyone on the crew at all times, and—damn it, I should have called her a ghost squid. She would have hated that.”

Violet is giggling helplessly. “I can’t believe you called Tripathi an octopus.”

Arkady grins lazily. “Yeah, well, now she’s gotten to enjoy living with the mystery of what the hell I was talking about. Even sedative-induced grogginess has the occasional upside, right?”

Speaking of twitchiness, Violet’s twitchy question face is back, though Arkady can tell she’s trying to hide it.

“You didn’t override what I told you, okay?” Arkady says. “You didn’t dose me up, even when I couldn’t have done anything about it, because I’d told you not to. So I figured you wouldn’t take a mile if I gave you an inch.”

“Oh.” Violet sits back in her chair, looking at Arkady with that same expression she was looking at her with earlier, sadness and something else Arkady can’t parse.                                                                

Arkady sighs. “During the war. When you got injured, they knocked you straight out. It made it easier on the medics, I guess—no panicking soldiers, just unconscious bodies to take care of until they got better or didn’t. And easier on the medics meant less medics per ship, which made it easier on the brass. I mean, I guess that was why, though I wouldn’t put it past just being a power trip for some of them—”

“I know.”

“—but it isn’t like you can easily say when it was that and when it was—” Arkady blinks. “Huh?”

Violet sighs, her eyes dropping to her lap. “That’s not just a wartime thing. When I was a medic out by O-11, some of my colleagues used too much sedative on people they thought were being a problem. Or who…might be a problem. Aggressive, scared, not ‘compliant,’ whatever. Of course, if you paid attention to who they were more likely to think was a problem…”

“I’m guessing there were patterns?” Arkady offers.

“Yeah.” Violet bites her lip. “The irony was that…this was less of a thing out in the field, but pretty often when someone was actually in the hospital, they’d be denied painkillers because the staff decided they were lying or exaggerating. It was…” Violet twists her hands in her lap. “It wasn’t just those problems, either. When you have a lot of people living in poverty, the power dynamics with whoever is in charge of access to medical treatment get…bad. It was not a good situation, and I was—you know. There. Being part of it.”

Arkady blinks, staring at Violet. Maybe the reason she didn’t know how to interpret the look in Violet’s eyes earlier was because it wasn’t actually the panicky huge-eyed way she looks at Arkady what feels like every time Arkady mentions some detail of Cresswin, but a look of recognition.

“I never thought about what it would be like to be a medic under the IGR,” she says quietly.

Violet finally looks up. “Part of it was the IGR, but a lot of my older colleagues had come up doing the same thing. It’s like you said. Republics aren’t perfect, either.”

“Oh.”

Violet licks her lips, hunching further into her chair. “It’s like you said about the war. Yes, sure, once I wasn’t a trainee and it was me and some colleagues out on a call, we were never the ones who gave those injections, used more than was needed. But that doesn’t mean that the ones I was with were always great about other things, or that others weren’t…” She sighs. “Just because I didn’t do anything especially bad myself doesn’t mean I shouldn’t have…you know, tried to do more than I did.”

Arkady stares at Violet, considering offering her her less-busted hand again, but decides against it. If she were Violet she wouldn’t want someone pawing at her trying to offer comfort about something that can’t really be comforted.

Violet’s work is the stuff of life, she thought to herself blithely only a few minutes ago, somehow not thinking about how much being a medic had to do with death and utterly traumatic shit. And-or, apparently, standing aside while your colleagues hurt and traumatized other people and then having to live with that.

“Jesus,” she says.

“Yeah.”

They sit quietly for another few minutes.

“Well, on a lighter note,” Arkady says awkwardly, “when it comes to your current cool, awesome medic job with our little band of dashing space rogues…can I, uh, have some more juice?”

The worst of the haunted look slides off Violet’s face as she smiles. “Of course.”

When the glass is empty, Arkady does reach her less-busted hand toward Violet, tugging her forward when she takes it. “Come here.”

She thinks Violet might go for a kiss on the forehead, depending on how fragile she’s thinking of Arkady as being right now, but Violet kisses her on the lips.

Their lips move together gently for a few seconds, then Violet settles back into her chair, smiling. “Your lips are sticky.”

“Excuse me, Liu, but I feel I should point out that your lips are now also sticky.”

“Touché.” Violet grins as she stands up again. “How’s your pain? We should still be transitioning you to the orals, so I’m going to get that ready now.”

“Still good.” Arkady smiles, wiggling the fingers at the end of her cast as Violet heads for the medbay sink.

“I know you and Sana are going to grump at me and Krejjh at some point for covering you and RJ instead of running,” she calls, “and then grump at me even more for making sure they hurt me before Krejjh, but if it had to be us, you are lucky you got me as a patient instead of Krejjh, trust me. They got completely freaked out when we tried to introduce them to Necco wafer candy a few years ago and still make grim remarks about ‘humans eating chalk.’ Dissolved pills would not be an easy sell.”

She’s expecting Violet to banter something back, but Violet looks downcast when she returns to Arkady’s side.

After Arkady has knocked back the chalky goo, she watches Violet carefully as she returns to the sink. That look could be about any number of things, but Arkady has the strong feeling that she’s seen it before, the first time Violet was bandaging her up after her gunshot wound on the Gay Louisa.

“Are you mad at me?” she asks, hesitantly, when Violet sits back down.

Violet’s face crinkles up in concern as she looks at Arkady. “Mad?”

Arkady grins weakly. “You know, because I went out and got myself hurt again?”

Violet’s forehead smooths out, then re-crinkles itself a second later. “I—no, Arkady, I’m not mad that other people tortured you. Or, I mean, I’m mad, I’m—furious, but at them, not at you.” She pauses. “And yes, I’m…‘mad’ isn’t the right word, but…it makes me upset that you got badly hurt to protect me and RJ, and it makes me upset that you think it’s good for it to be you who gets hurt instead of the rest of us. But you know that the times I chastise you for getting hurt, I’m not angry at you. Right?”

She smiles on the last words, in that specific abashed way that she smiles when she’s asking for reassurance about something that she thinks is just her anxiety playing up and probably not something she should actually be worried about at all.

When Arkady just stares at her, though, a look of alarm passes into her eyes. “You do know that, right?” she asks in a smaller voice. “I would never be really angry at you for getting injured.”

“Oh,” Arkady says. “Yeah. Of course I know that.” Did she?

Violet looks like she isn’t particularly fooled. “Well, now you do.” She sighs, shoulders slumping. “I’m sorry. If—hypothetically speaking, I mean,” she adds, her lips twitching in the ghost of a smile. “If you’ve ever thought I was actually angry at you for being injured in a bad situation…I’m sorry.”

Arkady blinks at her, finally managing to muster a nod.

Violet smiles a little, reaching out and smoothing Arkady’s hair. “I’m not mad at you, Arkady. There’s nothing about you being hurt and in pain that I would ever be angry about.”

“Well, not nothing,” Arkady points out. “You just said that you were upset that I try to put myself between the rest of you and danger.” She can’t resist adding, “You know, my literal job?”

“Your job is being first mate.” Violet’s voice cracks slightly.

Time to see how prohibitive this wrist cast is. Arkady lifts her hand to Violet’s face, brushing a tear from the corner of her eye. “It’s a job with a lot of facets.”

Violet sniffs wetly, lifting her own hands to gently support Arkady’s wrist as she lowers it to her lips and brushes a kiss against Arkady’s fingers.

“I’m not mad at you for putting yourself between other people and danger, Arkady,” she whispers. “In fact, it’s probably one of the reasons I fell in love with you.”

Arkady can feel her face getting hot as she stares, dazed, at Violet. “But…”

“I think it was a very brave and good thing that you did yesterday, and it scares me and makes me angry how okay you are with getting hurt to protect other people. I can feel both of those things at the same time.” Violet smooths Arkady’s hair again.

“Oh.” Arkady clears her throat awkwardly. “I. Oh.”

Violet chuckles, reaching up to dash a tear from her own eye. “You know what I feel, right now, more than anything? I’m just glad to have you back safe with me.”

“Oh,” Arkady says again. “I. Um. Hhh.” Get it together, Feral Kitten Patel. “I’m…glad to be back with you too. Um. Really glad.”

Violet smiles through her tears, and they gaze at each other in silence for a while.

“You know,” Arkady says wistfully, “I’m not exactly thrilled I can’t use a gun, or a knife, or punch anyone, or—” She cuts herself off. “Uh, you get the idea. But what I really can’t wait for is to be able to scoop you up, carry you to bed, and hold you in my arms all night long.”

“I.” Now Violet is the one blushing. “You…”

Arkady smirks, and Violet seems to regain the ability to form sentences, reaching out and caressing Arkady’s cheek. “Well, the scooping me up in your arms part will have to wait a little longer, but you should be able to relocate to your real bed some time in the next few days, and then there’s nothing stopping us from a whole lot of careful cuddling.”

Arkady smiles. “Sounds like a plan.”

“As for right now…I can’t exactly crawl into bed with you,” Violet says, sounding regretful, “but we could try…”

Pulling the chair with her, she moves so that she’s sitting as close as possible to Arkady’s shoulder, then carefully lowers her upper body to the bed so that her lower left shoulder rests just below Arkady’s right one, her face nestled into Arkady’s neck. Her left arm is presumably squashed under her, but her right hand comes up to rest on Arkady’s shoulder, thumb gently stroking Arkady’s shirt.

“Liu,” Arkady says, trying not to laugh, “that can’t be comfortable.”

Violet’s mutter against her neck sounds almost sleepy. “You’d be surprised.”

“Whatever you say.” Arkady tips her head to lean her temple against the top of Violet’s head. “Are you gonna fall asleep like that?”

“No,” comes the immediate response. “Or. Actually, this is more comfortable than I thought it would be, and I shouldn’t leave you alone for more than fifteen minutes while you’re still on the drip, and alarms are fallible so maybe I should…” She raises her hand to her comm. “Violet Liu to Iris Cockpit.”

“Attem—”

“Hello, Science Officer Liu!” sings Krejjh’s sunny voice. “How’s the patient?”

Arkady can feel Violet smile against her neck. “She’s doing pretty good, Krejjh. Hey, can you send someone down here in twenty minutes to poke me awake? First Mate Patel and I are at risk of engaging in some romantic tandem sleeping.”

“Iiiii sure can, Science Officer Liu!” The grin in Krejjh’s voice is audible, and Arkady feels a lingering echo of fear fading from her mind at the sound of them alive and well. “Aaand I’ll let you get right to it. Krejjh out.”

Arkady snorts. “I have no idea why you’re eager enough to cuddle with me that you’re willing to risk getting shaken awake in situ by a pilot making disgustingly enchanted faces at how ‘cute’ we supposedly are.”

“It’s a high price,” Violet says solemnly, her voice sleepy, “but it’s a price I’m willing to pay.”

Arkady snorts again, trying to ignore the growing feeling of sunlit happiness in her chest. Violet’s hair is soft against Arkady’s face and her body is warm against Arkady’s side, and Arkady stares up at the ceiling, trying to comprehend how and why she has gotten ridiculously, disgustingly lucky enough to be here, now, with Violet’s hand curled around her shoulder and the steady rise and fall of Violet’s breathing against her.

In the kitchen, someone or something makes a subdued crashing noise, and someone else cackles loudly. Arkady can feel Violet’s amused sigh, and she smiles, letting her eyes drift closed.

“I hope you play this song someday,” croons the radio, “and think of Earth girl who loves space girl…”

A gentle current of air from the vents stirs a strand of Violet’s hair against Arkady’s ear, and she wriggles her head minutely to dislodge it before tucking her head back against Violet’s. As she closes her eyes again, the feeling of sunlit happiness is so strong that she wonders if she’ll be the one to stay awake even as poor tired Violet falls asleep. That would be ironic, wouldn’t it?

When Krejjh enters the medbay eighteen minutes and twenty-seven seconds later, they have to bounce back and forth from one foot to the other in silent agony for several seconds at the sheer adorableness of the sight of their crewmates cuddled together on the medical bed. First Mate Patel’s forehead is smoothed out in sleep, a smile on her lips, and even when Krejjh nudges Science Officer Liu awake and she disentangles herself from her girlfriend, Arkady curls her head into the indentation Violet’s cheek has left on the pillow, as though even in sleep she knows that any space that Violet takes up in the universe is a place where she will be safe and sound.

[alderaani]

the shape of silence

this little fic is a gift for @hobiiwan as part of the @starwarssecretsanta event - i really hope that you like it! thanks so much to @lilhawkeye3​ for organising the event, it has been a really lovely thing to look forward to 🥰

summary: it has been two weeks since Nevarro, and Din is still trying to wrap his head around the quest he’s been given. he lands the Crest on a remote, wintery planet so that he can regroup and get his bearings | also readable on AO3

warnings: none, this is just a little fluffy winter-themed piece!

It’s too quiet. There’s the rumbling of the engine of course, the ever-present beat of the Crest’s mechanical heart, but apart from that…there is nothing. The deafening quiet of space lingers on the edge of his mind, like a predator hovering just out of sight. It sounds like it always does, after the bounty has been brought on board and sealed in carbonite, when Din is left exactly how he likes things. Alone, with his own thoughts.

Except this time, he isn’t. Silence, it turns out, can be very deceptive.

There is a clank somewhere deep in the hold and Din jumps, tripping over the corner of a storage crate and dropping the tarp he’d been trying to look under.

“Come on, kid…” he mutters, running a flustered hand over the top of his helmet. “Don’t do this to me.”

Something else rattles, ringing sharply through the durasteel. Somewhere in the gloom a little satisfied giggle echoes, a funny trilling sound that makes him smile through the sharp exasperation in his chest. Din sighs, slumping against the crate.

“I know you’re in there,” he tells the selection of equipment around him. There is no answer, but the silence feels bated, interested. Like someone is listening. “You’ve got to come out sooner or later.”

There is another giggle and the sound of many small things tinkling as they fall. Din groans and tips his head back.

“Anything you spill, you clean up on this ship,” he says, trying to be threatening, but even he can hear the defeat in his own voice. When there is more suspiciously long silence, he sighs again and crouches, lifting up the edge of the tarp and turning his heat sensors back on. Cold blue shapes swim muzzily on the HUD, and he’s just about to give up again and move on when a patch of orange flashes by. The little womp rat is back here all right, just as he suspected. A little bloom of relief spreads headily through him, but it’s not enough to dull the panic that has plagued him for the past several hours, from the moment he turned around in the pilot’s chair and realised the kid had vanished. 

The orange blur solidifies into a dense blob of red as the child comes out from behind more of the junk that Din has accumulated on jobs. Odds and ends mostly, things bounties had with them when they were taken and he’d kept because they’d looked useful. Boxes of scrap so that he can put the Crest back together when it is inevitably damaged. Stuff one absolutely would not want a small, overly curious infant to have full unrestrained access to. Din has seen the kid put a live frog into his mouth, so his opinion of the little gremlin’s judgement is not especially high. He keeps meaning to clear up, but he has yet to figure out how to baby proof a ship when the baby in question can move things with his mind.

The Razor Crest is not a big ship, but Din has quickly learned that that is very much a matter of perspective. He’d buckle the kid down if he thought it would work, but those little fingers are fast; he figured out the controls on his sleeping pod almost before Din did. The fact of the matter is that the child does not get put anywhere. He will tolerate being placed, if Din is lucky. Today he wasn’t.

The patch of glowing red shifts as Din watches. The child stoops, one small clawed hand reaching out to paw at the ground.

“I can see you, kid.” The red blob straightens, and then the shape of two large ears rotate in his direction. “Yeah, that’s right. We’re landing soon, get out here.”

There is a questioning chirp, and then the child is moving, emerging from the gloom. Din flicks off the heat sensors and looks down into a pair of large brown eyes as a body shuffles up to his leg and latches on to the fabric of his trousers with one hand. The other is closed tight, but Din catches a glint of silver through his fingers.

“Hey, what have you got there?” He plucks the kid up by the back of his robe and tucks him into the crook of one arm, then holds his free hand in front of his face, palm up. “Come on, hand it over.”

The kid makes no verbal response, but his ears flick down once, a dismissal if Din has ever seen one.

“I’m not negotiating,” Din says sternly, but it’s all a lie. He’s already starting to sweat a little at the look the kid gives him.

The child’s ears flicker again before he looks impassively out across the hold, hand held protectively against his midriff. Din keeps up the stalemate for a few moments, then hears something beep urgently in the cockpit. He sighs.

“Look, you give me whatever that is and I feed you. Sound good?”

This makes the child look up almost instantly, shifting in Din’s arms with a soft eager crowing noise. His hand twitches, and Din holds his breath. Then the cockpit beeps again and Din curses, half turning back towards the ladder. The kid has started making innocent burbling noises and is sitting placidly in Din’s arms, as if he hasn’t just dragged a seasoned bounty hunter on a several hour goose chase through the hull.

“I’ll double the jerky,” he pleads, patting the pouch on his belt for emphasis. “Come on kid, work with me here.”

The child grins. His little hand comes up and releases a collection of knuts and wire ends into Din’s palm, which he stows quickly into a pocket. He knows that he lost this round, but he’ll take whatever he can get at this point, so long keeps the kid alive and relatively out of trouble.

They get back into the cockpit just in time for the Crest to drop out of hyperspace, a shuddering rumble and then a familiar lurch sending him scrambling for the controls. There is a breathless, weightless moment as the sweeping dome of a planet materialises below, blotting out the stars. Din studies it quickly. Swirling grey clouds roiling within atmo, and where they break, mottled landscapes of white and green. He checks the navi-computer again for its name: Ayarth 4, cold, settled by mining colonies, covered in forest. Remote enough that not even Din knows it, because bounties clearly don’t stray here often. Perfect, in other words, for anyone that wants to lay low for a while.

As he sits in the pilot’s seat and sets the controls back to manual, Din feels a slight tugging on his boots and glances down to find the kid scaling his leg. He huffs out a laugh and moves his thigh so the womp rat can get a better grip, then can’t help the smile that spreads across his face when the kid drags himself into his lap and promptly sprawls, huffing as he draws his feet up under his robe out of the cold.

“You actually gonna take a nap, huh?” he asks, by now starting to recognise the sleepy droop to the child’s big brown eyes. It never happens when he hopes it will, but right now suits him just fine. The kid doesn’t say anything, but he curls his hand over the lip of Din’s thigh guard and rests his head on the exposed fabric, which seems answer enough.

As he lowers the ship into atmo and starts scanning the frozen ground for signs of civilization, Din reaches down to gently worry one of the baby’s ears between his fingers, sighing heavily to himself. The child weighs next to nothing, but he feels every ounce of the small body curled into his. 

The silence presses back in, interrupted this time by the roaring wind outside and the whining groan of the engines, but Din feels it all the same. He’s never minded quiet; when they were young Paz had always been the talker when necessary, happy to utilise the attention his size bestowed upon him so naturally. Din has always preferred to watch. He can read a person’s body, know exactly how they will move next in a fight, but words have too many faces.

Now though...now the silence feels too empty. He knows the deep abyss of space intimately - the feeling of great nothingness and infinite possibility stretching out in front of him. Has welcomed it, even. But there has always been something to go back to, in the past. A tether binding him to the rest of the galaxy throughout the solitary weeks and months drifting through stars. Now though, the covert is gone. They might reassemble, in time, but he has no way to find them even if they do, and so many will be gone. He has his mission, and that alone has kept him going through the two lonely weeks since Nevarro, the image of those piles of empty beskar seared into his mind. 

He’s self aware enough to know that he’s running, though. Panicking, almost. When they left, he was just trying to put as much distance between himself and the planet below in case of any straggling imperials that might try to follow their trail. Now they’re just drifting between fuel stations as he tries to fit his head around finding a people he has never heard of, let alone seen. A ‘race of enemy sorcerers’ no less...all he has to work with is a name, Jedi, and the way the kid’s ears perk up when he says it. He’s good at tracking people, good at chasing them to the far reaches of the galaxy and dragging them back to wherever they belong. But this feels like catching smoke. 

The kid snuffles in his sleep and his ears twitch as debris thumps against the hull. Din watches his eyelids flicker as he dreams and sighs, directing the Crest down towards a clearing. It’s maybe a mile away from where he can see lights and dwellings nestled among the trees. Far enough away to be discrete, close enough that they can run if he needs.

Dusk is falling when he lands, casting long blue shadows against the white ground. The sky, fractured and fragmented by trees, is bleeding purple and orange from a blood red sun. As the Crest settles the snow hisses, steam billowing up around the hot engines and drifting across the windshield. The baby stirs, blinking sleepily up at Din as he runs cool down checks and flips the safety switches, locking out his codes and setting everything to standby.

“Sorry, kid,” he murmurs, settling one hand at the back of his head. It’s too much to hope that he will go back to sleep. Already his ears are pricking, his head swivelling to focus on the little of the landscape visible through the transparisteel. Din thinks that his eyes are distant sometimes - not absent, but focusing on things that he cannot see. Going beyond. It wouldn’t surprise him if the baby’s strange powers allowed him to see through walls. He can already lift beasts, strangle people and heal them with his mind - what’s one more impossible thing?

Din lifts the child off his lap and sets him in his pod, leaving him to wake up more fully as he heads back into the hold and opens the weapons cache, gearing up in quick, practised motions. The new weight of the jetpack on his shoulders is still a thrill. His last blessing from Armourer. An affirmation that this is the right path, wherever it leads.

As he slings his rifle over his shoulder there is a little chirp. He looks down in time to see the kid’s pod bump gently into the open cache door; the child has his eyes closed and brow furrowed in concentration, his hand raised. Din looks at his gauntlet and sees a little red light blinking on the pod control panel, one that he definitely did not switch on, and sighs, feeling his heart sink. 

“Very clever, kid,” he says, even as he resigns himself to never being able to find the child again. “I take it that means you’re ready to go?” 

The kid chirps again, giving him a toothy grin that falters into open amazement as the ramp hisses and lowers, revealing a world of muffled, glittering white. Snow has started falling again, a breaker of clouds rolling in to chase out the sunset and bringing the weather change with it. Din stops to wedge a spare scrap of fabric into the pod, looking critically at the child’s ears. He usually keeps the scraps on hand to clean his blasters, but they’ll do for this purpose too. 

The kid makes a funny crowing noise, reaching towards all that white, and tilts his head up at Din in silent demand.

“You’ve never seen snow before, huh? It’s cold, so keep that on. And let me know if your ears hurt.” He steps forward and fiddles with the pod controls so that that baby will stay level with him. “Best way to explain it is just to get out there. Come on.”

He finds himself almost excited as he steps out from under the metal plates of the Crest’s belly, keeping half an eye on the kid as he scans their surroundings for any hidden threat. The kid’s mouth opens in toothy delight, his brown eyes going big and dark and intense as he stares up into the darkening sky and the maze of swirling white. His little breaths puff up into the air and he reaches for it, babbling when it slides through his fingers and dissipates into the dusk. 

Then, his ears twitch, a quick reflexive motion. The kid turns to look behind him, then makes a disgruntled noise when there’s nothing there. His head tilts as he turns back to this new, interesting landscape, then his ears twitch again, flapping in a manner reminiscent of a sneeze. Din feels a smile creep onto his face as a large snowflake lands on the curve of the baby’s left ear, waiting with bated breath. He can’t stop the laugh ripping out of his throat when sure enough, the ears twitch again.

The kid whines, reaching up to cover his ears with his claws.

“It’s just the snow. It’s like rain, see?” Din says, still chuckling. He lets several flakes settle onto the back of one glove and holds it in front of the kid’s face, watching those clever little eyes latch onto the melting spots of white. The child reaches out to touch and makes a noise of consternation when the snow vanishes, bringing his hand to his mouth. “Yeah you got it, kid. It’s just water.” 

He turns back to the Crest and makes sure the ramp retracts, listening for the tell-tale triple click that means the lock has engaged. Mining communities tend to be insular, but not unpleasant. Not scavengers. He doubts there will be any trouble, but then, he thought that the kid would be a regular job, if high stakes. He’s quite done with surprises.

His breath bounces around the inside of his helmet, his boots creaking as they break through the frozen shell of the snow. It’s been a long time since he saw a view like this, even longer since he got to enjoy it.

“I say we head into the settlement and see if we can get some food. What do you think?” He says, turning back to the kid. He’s in time to see his closed eyes, to hear a coo of deep concentration - but what really gets his attention is the small wall of snow shooting towards the child’s outstretched hand.

“No, kid - wait!”

It’s too late. The force of the incoming snow sends the pod skittering, the child within flying backwards with a squeal as he is painted head to toe in white. He shakes his head like a dog, ears springing free. It’s the most disgruntled Din has ever seen him. 

“Bet you’re not gonna do that again, huh?” he chuckles, righting the pod and sweeping out the worst of the mess. 

The kid just holds his arms out, ears drooping as a lump of snow slides off the tip of his nose. Din huffs out a laugh and picks him up, tucking him under one arm and fishing out the blanket to drape over his legs. 

“When we come back later I’ll show you how to make snowballs. You had the right idea, but we’ve gotta work on your technique.” The kid huffs. “You’ve got to admit it was a little bit funny. Now, how about that food?”

The kid coos and settles his weight down, ears lifting as they set off through the trees. Din hones in on the distant flashes of strung up lights and squat houses, a warm orange glow fracturing off the ice. The child curls into the crook of his arm, now content to watch this new world unveil itself instead of bringing it to him, his face scrunching with every breath of wind. As they walk, he winds one small hand around Din’s thumb, his fingers worrying at the smooth orange leather.

Silence falls again, amplified by the way snow muffles everything, suspending them in a long unblemished moment. 

But this time, with the kid in his arms and the path stretching out in front of them, Din’s mind settles, crystallizing around the most important truth. 

Wherever it may take him, this is exactly where he’s meant to be.

[cheemers-writing-archive]

If They Were in Smash: Jotaro

Yeah. You knew I had to start with him. Literally one of the most iconic anime characters, and the most recognizable from my favorite series.

Let’s get started, shall we?

Attacks

Jab: just a quick little punch

Three-hit jab: punch, punch again, and knee. No flurry attack.

Side tilt: long kick

Up tilt: fist swings upwards

Down tilt: Jotaro bends down and trips the opponent with his feet in whatever direction he’s facing

Side smash: Jotaro leans forward and punches. Another button press will have Star Platinum elongate the punch.

Up smash: Jotaro punches upward. Another button press will have Star Platinum elongate the punch.

Down smash: Jotaro does the splits and kicks opponents from both sides. Another button press will have Star Platinum elongate the kick from both sides.

Nair: Jotaro punches in front of him, Star Platinum punches behind

Fair: normal punch forward

Bair: stylish kick backward

Up air: stylish kick upward

Dair: Star Platinum punches downward

Neutral special: same as Jotaro’s jab, but with Star Platinum. Also, instead of a three-hit jab, Star does a flurry attack.

Side special: Star Platinum uses Star Finger, which covers about an eighth of Final Destination

Up special: Star Platinum blows air from his mouth really hard and sends Jotaro straight up. This move doesn’t hurt, but it can blow opponents downward if they aren’t standing on a platform. Inspired from Enya’s Justice fight, except instead of inhaling, Star is exhaling.

Down special: Star Platinum: The World. Works like Wario’s Waft, when fully charged time stops (including the music and timer if there is one) for two seconds (not canonically accurate, but Jotaro would be broken if you could stop time for 5 seconds). Anyone who is hit moves a bit then stops until the effect ends. All normal launch rates will continue after time resumes.

Forward throw: tosses the opponent’s body aside in front of Jotaro

Back throw: tosses the opponent’s body aside behind Jotaro

Up throw: throws the opponent’s body upward, and Star Platinum adds one last little punch

Down throw: slams the opponent’s body down, and Star Platinum adds one last little flurry of punches

Final smash: Jotaro’s final move against Dio. Star Platinum puts so much pressure on the opponent they explode (in a cartoonish, non-gory way. Gotta keep that age rating low, folks). Kills instantly if the opponent is over 100 percent.

Extra animations

Entrance: Jotaro punches through the ground, similar to the Wheel of Fortune fight

Idle animation 1: Jotaro adjusts his hat

Idle animation 2: Star Platinum appears and punches the air

Up taunt: Jotaro points to the sky, like in the DiU openings

Side taunt: Jotaro points to the side

Down taunt: Jotaro pulls his hat down and says his famous line, Yare Yare Daze

Victory poses

End music: the last five bars to Stand Proud (if you don’t know anything about music, it’s basically the final few notes before the end)

First pose: Jotaro looks up from the brim of his hat and says nothing.

Second pose: Jotaro throws a piece of paper at the camera and says, “here’s your receipt.” The dramatic slowdown (when the screen shows the victor’s name) happens as the paper passes in front of the screen, and Jotaro just keeps walking away after the slowdown.

Third pose (which only happens if Jotaro won while over 100 percent on his last stock with any of his part 4 outfits): Jotaro looks at the ground, and says, “I’m glad I got to see your growth.” Right after the dramatic slowdown, Jotaro falls to the floor.

Stage: Cairo

The stage is one of the types that moves around and lands in different locations. It starts on the side of Dio’s castle at sunset. It moves to the clock tower after some very long traveling, where you can see Joseph, Kakyoin, and Dio flying through the air. After some time, a stage hazard will appear: Hierophant Green’s tripwires. If you land on one, you’ll be barraged with emeralds. The stage moves away before *major spoiler* happens, and lands after some time on the sidewalks of Cairo. No stage hazards in this part, but in the background you can see the scenery change slightly from time to time. While the stage is moving for a third time, it stops suddenly in the air, along with the music and timer, for five seconds. The players can still move. In those five seconds, some knives fly through the air, and can hit players. The final part of the stage is the bridge. On this part, the stage hazard is a huge road roller that slams on a random part of the stage after some time. Anyone who gets hit by it has an instant KO. However, you can see the shadow coming before it lands, so you can get out of the way. After that, it loops back to the beginning of the stage.

Palette swaps

Default colors (swap 1): Jotaro’s anime outfit in part 3

Swap 2: Jotaro’s manga outfit in part 3

Swap 3: Jotaro’s outfit in part 4

Swap 4: Jotaro’s outfit in part 6

Swap 5: Jotaro’s part 3 outfit, with Dio’s colors (yellow cap/hair, yellow overcoat, black shirt, yellow pants, green shoes)

Swap 6: Jotaro’s part 3 outfit, with Kakyoin’s colors (red cap/hair, green overcoat, green shirt, green pants, brown shoes)

Swap 7: Jotaro’s part 4 outfit, with Josuke’s colors (purple cap/hair, dark purple overcoat, yellow shirt, dark purple pants, brown shoes)

Swap 8: Jotaro’s part 6 outfit, with Jolyne’s colors (green hat/hair, light blue overcoat shirt pants and shoes)

Classic mode: Helping Hands

Theme: fighters that have helpers, and the helpers are not playable. Kind of replicating the idea of Stands.

First battle: Joker in Mementos

Second battle: Duck Hunt in Duck Hunt

Third battle: Pokémon Trainer in Pokémon Stadium (this is an exception to the rule because it’s really the trainer that tells the Pokémon what to do, similar to Stand users telling their Stand what to do)

Fourth battle: Banjo and Kazooie in Spiral Mountain

Fifth battle: Olimar in Distant Planet

Sixth battle: Rosalina and Luma in Mario Galaxy

Final boss: Master Hand and Crazy Hand (I know this is kind of a stretch, but you try naming another classic mode boss battle with two bosses on screen at the same time. Also, helping HANDS.)

Palutena’s guidance

Pit: Look at this guy! He probably thinks he’s so tough.

Palutena: Jotaro thinks he’s tough because he is tough. His looks do not deceive the eye.

Viridi: It’s a shame his friends call him Jojo. Really brings down his intimidation levels if you ask me.

Palutena: Jotaro has fought lots of strong enemies before. He fought against a vampire who could stop time… and won!

Viridi: He can also stop time himself. If you suddenly go flying without Jojo punching you, or you see him teleport, don’t be surprised.

Palutena: Well, he also has that Stand, Star Platinum. Unless you have a Stand, too, Pit, you won’t be able to see his, which means you’re wide open for any attacks.

Pit: Just say I’ve already lost the match, why don’t you?

Palutena: Just like every fighter in Smash, Jotaro is a formidable opponent, but not impossible to beat. You can do it if you try.

Pit: Right. Just gotta stay away from him at all costs. *pause* You don’t think Star Platinum has that big of a range, do you?

Viridi: Good luck, Pit. You’re gonna need it.

Reveal trailer

The trailer starts with Joker comboing Mario into oblivion in the actual game. After Mario is defeated, it cuts to a cutscene with Joker falling back to the ground. Morgana says, “Woohoo! Another one down! There’s nobody here who can combat against you, Joker!”

This next scene has the camera on the ground a ways away from Joker. He taunts when he gets back to the ground, saying, “Alright, who’s next?”

In front of the camera, a leg stomps to the ground. As the camera pans up around the new figure, he says, “So, I finally found you…” When the camera gets to Jotaro’s face, he finishes with, “...copycat.” He summons Star Platinum and the splash screen appears:

Jotaro stands up to fight!

After that is the moveset showcase. You already know Jotaro’s moves.

The extra scene after the Smash logo fades away is Jotaro meeting with Simon and Richter. “Vampire hunters?” he asks. The two Belmonts nod. Jotaro nods back and goes on his way.

Extra tidbits

Jotaro would have an option to play his Japanese voice or English voice in the English version of the game.

Like many of the godlike characters in this game, Jotaro teleports when dodging.

Star Platinum only holds one item in the entire gam, the baseball bat. Jotaro holds the rest.

[queenof-literature]

Star Wars Linked Universe AU

Soooo I'm making a Linked Universe AU that's Star Wars themed and I'm super psyched about it. I decided to get some facts and headcanons out there because I'm so excited and I couldn't wait, and also because I want to get my ideas out there. The Linked Universe characters belong to @linkeduniverse but the specifics of the Star Wars universe such as lightsaber colors and fighting forms were thought of by me and I'm really excited to share some ideas before I get started actually writing the series!

Basic Facts:

Hylia is essentially the Force, which guides our heroes in the same way Hylia does, guiding the boys to meet and leading them to wormholes where they can switch to different places.

I know a lot about Star Wars and legend of Zelda, but combining the two needs compromise so not everything will be exactly the canon you know

Magic exists, but in different ways. It’s kinda branched out from the Force.

The Links are all Grey Jedi, because they have all been on very different paths in life and while they all want what is best for the galaxy, their paths would not meet while they were all at the Jedi Temple.

Order 66 did happen, but it was different in different timelines and was more spread or less devastating in some, but wiped out thousands in others.

Time:

Fight Style: Used to be Juyo (extremely powerful, only for the most force sensitive), but now sticks mainly to Soresu (A more modern version of the traditional Makashi, very strong defensive tactics)

Color: Blue. Used to be green, but he was very mad at the force for a time and lost the extremely strong connection he had.

Facts: Did not agree with the Jedi’s views on marriage, married Malon after he became a Grey. Order 66 killed his old master, Deku, who made sure Time escaped. 

Twilight:

Fight Style: A modernized version of Makashi (emerged along with the Sith. Very strong against other lightsabers. Very graceful and calculated, but the traditional form was almost completely abandoned when blasters emerged)

Color: Orange. Midna’s old lightsaber, it turned a bit paler when he started using it. Orange represents pure strength, but only killing when necessary. 

Facts: Grey Jedi don’t have padawans, but he is mentored by Time and mentors Wild. He still grew up in Ordon which has technology but is still farming and agriculture based. Very young when Ganon caused Order 66 in his world, not old enough to remember but he was smuggled away and ended up in Ordon with Rusl.

Wild:

Fight Style: Jar’Kai (Two lightsabers, mainly one forwards and one backwards). Used to have a traditional version of fighting, but turned more towards acrobatics and dual blades after his 100 year sleep. Not good with blasters, Ganon destroyed all tech except Sheikah tech 100 years ago, so his world is very rudimentary. Heck of an archer though.  

Color: Yellow. From the old Jedi Knighthood, one is darker from his knight days, while the one he acquired 100 years later is paler.

Facts: Died during Order 66 and was put under the Jedi Temple in the Shrine of Resurrection and lost his memories. Dual wielding seemed the most natural to him for some reason when he woke up, so he self trained in that. Has never seen Space before since there’s no way to get off his Hyrule. Really likes hoarding uniforms from Ganon’s forces on his Hyrule and storing them in his slate but don’t tell Twilight. 

Warriors:

Fight Style: Shii Cho and Makashi hybrid. Shii Cho is traditional for defense, while Makashi is a traditionalized offense/defense. Warriors was trained in this when in the royal army on his planet.

Color: Purple. This color is used by an aggressive and powerful fighter who leads others into battle. 

Facts: The Jedi order isn’t as prominent in his time, so he holds no ill will towards them. The Grey Jedi stepped up to protect the Royal Family. Although some Grey, like the Grey Jedi Cia, are much darker and almost ally with the Sith when necessary. 

Hyrule:

Fight Style: Djem So. Mainly uses the opponent's force against them, similar to Shein which uses blasters against them. 

Color: Black. His old blue lightsaber was destroyed, and he had no other option but to take the one he found in the abandoned Temple near where he defeated the Sith Lord Ganon. He doesn’t mind it too much, he enjoys giving the blade a second chance after being forced to kill in cold blood so many times.

Facts: Comes from a world decimated by Order 66. He is force sensitive which he must hide or monsters will hunt for his blood. Unfortunately, some have already figured it out. Like Wild, he is self taught from old books that somehow didn’t get burned by Ganon’s forces. Found out he has the rare gift of force healing where did that come from?

Legend:

Fight Style: Ataru. Mainly used by the Sith, which makes him uncomfortable and untrusted by many which made him turn to the Grey side instead of the Jedi. He is the furthest thing from the Sith, he just excels in that style of fighting. 

Color: Pink. Known for being a balance between the light and dark of the force. 

Facts: Single handedly took down a death destroyer after it destroyed the planet of Koholint to avenge Marin. Although in his world some force users could be reborn into an animal. Something tells Legend that Marin was one of them. Not a hoarder, just likes collecting useful items from planets he visits. 

Wind:

Fight Style: Shein. Uses the opponent's force against them, just like Tetra and her space pirates taught him. Shein focuses on using the opponent's blasters against them. 

Color: A slightly darker blue. This shows he is more on the physical side of the force. No one he knows well (Like Aryll, his grandma, and Tetra and her pirate crew) are force sensitive so he learned how to get by without using it as much. 

Facts: Very good with a blaster. His time with tetra and the pirates taught him very good skills like blasters, fighting, cursing, the things he needs. Visits his home whenever possible but he loves exploring the galaxy. He’s also a very good pilot. 

Four:

Fight Style: Niman. This is a combination of many past Jedi arts. He incorporates different styles very well into his, so he is very adaptive and always changing his fighting. 

Color: White. Represents neutrality. A white lightsaber somes when a red lightsaber is healed. Four healed a past enemy's lightsaber to give it a second chance. 

Facts: Yes, Vio, Red, Green and Blue all exist and Four can still split up like in the Linked Universe, but the others don’t know yet. Niman fighting style because Four is adaptable? Sure, but also because the four assholes in his head couldn’t decide on a fighting style Blue I swear-

Sky

Fight Style: Juyo. Used to have the more classic style but he turned out extremely force sensitive so he started incorporating Juyo in. 

Color: Green. Green lightsabers are for the diplomatic, very force sensitive Jedi. 

Facts: Grew up in Skyloft, before Order 66. Has a very deep connection to the force, but still grew up as a Grey Jedi, although they weren’t called that. Jedi didn’t really exist in his time. It was just the knights academy which he was a part of.

Sorry if this is stupid, I'm excited to combine the world though. Wish I could draw so I could help people visualize it better but I can't at all lmao.