#I was making a post which may have been poor taste

[ohitspurple2]

Ever start typing out a shitpost and have a moment of clarity before saving it to the drafts, never to be seen again

[beomiebear13]

Taehyun Head Canons

genre: smut

warnings: just full on smut, overstim??, some more but I forgot 😭

a/n: ok so this is my first story/post!! I’ve written stories before but not like this.. so I hope you enjoy. it is also not proofread so if there are any mistakes, I apologize! Story is below!

Taehyun who likes to press his nose up against your clit because he likes to see your legs shake and your jaw drop in pleasure.

Taehyun who sits you down in front of a mirror and makes you watch as he fingers you harshly because you said you didn’t like the way you look. So, he wanted to prove you wrong and show you how pretty you are especially when you’re fucked out.

Taehyun teaches you how to ride properly. Helping you lift your hips up, telling you to sink back down slowly. But you don’t listen and let yourself fall down harshly. You feel the tip of his cock abuse your poor cervix which causes you to sob.

Taehyun who makes out with your cunt for hours when he gets back from tour cause he misses you and all he could think about is how good it must feel to taste you warm cunt.

Taehyun who bends you over in the studio after inviting you to watch him work for the day. He noticed needy you were and decided to cure you over that hunger between your legs. And later on in their next comeback, you hear a familiar sound in one of their songs.

Taehyun who teaches you how to get him off, wrapping his large hands around your small ones and jerking him off slowly. Eventually, he lets go of your hands, letting you do it yourself. He gets surprised when you speed up and give countless kitten licks to the tip; something you’ve seen from a countless number of porn videos.

Taehyun who makes you sit on his cock while he writes songs after you’ve been bothering him all day. You called you over to his desk, pulling down your shorts and his as well, and made you sit down since you couldn’t wait for a second longer.

Taehyun who marks your neck for your male coworker to see after he seen him flirting with you. And the morning before you go back to work the next day, he would force you wear your collar down so everyone, including the dumbass that flirted with you, to see. The coworker never flirted with you after that and kept everything professional.

Taehyun who pounds into you after you made a bet that you can last longer in bed than him. You both tried each other but he ended up winning, of course. His cock was no match for you. But shocking, you lasted longer than both of you expected.

Taehyun who wakes you up in the middle of the night, moaning in his sleep from a wet dream. His hips were grinding against your ass, seeking any friction he could get. Lucky for him, you had been craving his cock the night before but was too embarrassed to tell him. So, you woke him up, and sucked his cock to help him. You may have even let him fuck you.

Taehyun who lets you dominate one night after you’ve been begging him. He lets you edge him and overstimulate him until he’s crying and begging for you to stop. He ends up enjoying it and lets you do it occasionally; but he lets you know the next day that it wont happen every time you two fuck by fucking you into oblivion.

Taehyun who buys vibrator underwear for you to wear when going out with parents for dinner. He stays at home controlling it. While you’re there, you’re falling apart and every time your parents look away from you, you let out a noise or make a face. Yet, when you get home, you see Taehyun sitting on the couch, smiling, knowing what he is doing to you. You sit next to him and he turns the vibration up all the way and presses it down on your clit until you cum harshly in the underwear and it seeps out onto Taehyun’s fingers and the couch.

Taehyun who pins you against wall in the shower and fucks into your warm cunt after washing off the soap on your body. You had a king day and you were stressed out from work. This was comforting for you.

Taehyun who shows you pleasure for the first time in your life. Having you suck on his middle finger and ring finger before sliding them inside and curling them up into the your g-spot. By the end of the night, your legs were a shaking messing. And all he did was finger you.. one time.

Taehyun who puts a pillow under your hips so he can reach deeper and hit different angles inside of you. He’s king enough to reach but needs the extra support for your pleasure.

Taehyun who invites his friend, Soobin, to come and watch you two fuck. Soobin gets so horny and jerks himself off. Taehyun sees how horny he is and invites him to fuck you. Soobin takes the chance and stretches you out more than Taehyun does. But his length can’t match Taehyun. You called out for Taehyun as Soobin fucked you harshly. Taehyun could only sit and smirk at you from the chair in the corner, watching your desperate face and calls.

Taehyun who puts clamps on your nipples, a double edged vibrator on you so one part is on your clit and the other part is inside of you, resting on your g-spot, and a butt plug in. He leaves you for 30 minutes, tied up to the bed with a blindfold on and a ball gag in your mouth. He comes back in to see your legs shaking, tears staining your cheeks, and your moans and whimpers bouncing off the walls.

Taehyun who coats your cunt and his dick in lube before slowly pushing himself in. He’s huge and stretches you out a lot. Tears fall onto your pink cheeks as the burning pain of him pushing in gets worse. He’s not even half way in you yet. He checks on you to see if you’re ok. You nod and tell him to keep going. He does and eventually bottoms out with a moan leaving both yours and his mouth.

Taehyun who absolutely destroys your cunt after he caught you talking with a a random guy at a party. You tried to explain but he doesn’t listen. Instead, you take it. Why? Because you were hoping to go home and get fucked anyways. After that night, you went down for breakfast and explained to him that the boy you were talking to was actually your cousin.

[vanilleandclove]

the meadow in which you lay | 3

ser erryk cargyll x arryn!reader | chapter three: one for glory, another for honor

When Prince Lucerys's claim to Driftmark is question, your cousin seeks your support as a pillar of strength. It has now been a near six years since you've seen your lover, you are near strangers, but no different.

word count: 2.4k | warnings: criston cole is a bitch, alicent got ate up twice, sexual references, give the reader a damn s** t**, clear description of wounds and stitches | a/n: did i accidentally age down jeyne? yes. rip jeyne arryn you would have loved pride month. (i still believe jeyne would have been great friends with luke and jace in my always correct opinion). also, three posts back-to-back??

previous - next

taglist: @wolvestitches @holb32 @callsignwidow

"They mean to call Lucerys's claim to the Driftmark throne? What business do I have there?" you questioned your brother deeply, as Jeyne returned back from her walk with Jessamyn and greeted you both with kisses on your cheeks. "The Vale has Jeyne for it to be protected, I owe no business to defend the piss poor Hightowers" you continued.

"Rhaenyra, our cousin. If you can help her defend Luke's claim, they would not question defending her either" your brother reasoned, only leading your sinuses to burn and head to pound.

"Brother I know you mean well, but you know exactly what they think of our cousin and nephews" you responded, "And what treacheries Criston Cole rallies into Alicent's ear about me".

"And your paramour, Ser Erryk Cargyll" your brother quirked, only leading you to glare at him. "I believe it would strengthen your reputation and our cousin's".

"I or he would have to be married to be a paramour brother, watch your tongue".

"He is married to law Y/n, I only mean to protect you" your brother defended himself, "A Kingsguard is no-".

"No match for a husband, yes, I know and made acutely aware of said fact" you interrupted, "I do not need protection brother, I never needed protection" you continued, "I will go to court only if our cousin requests me to" getting up from your seat at the table and merely walking off until your brother spoke up.

"If you plan to avoid the knight, surely you can tell him by raven that you do not mean to continue your affections had you be in King's Landing" and with that suggestion came the fall of your heart, how deeply it shattered.

You simply nodded, not looking your brother in the eye after his suggestion, you could not. If you return to court, they will twist your words, they will make a spectacle about you just as they've done to your cousin. By proxy, they'll call into question the honor of your lover. He may have loved you, tasted you, and garnered your affections, by textbook, he broke no oath. By the conservative opinion of the Hightower's, he was a sinner, he had committed blasphemy.

That night you sat pondering on your vanity chair, cursing the gods for making you in love with a man you cannot have. As you toyed with the rings that laid on your fingers, you wondered if the world be different, if a wedding ring would be donned on them. A Kingsguard is no match for a husband, luckily you did not want to be matched to another. Who is to say you were a match to a wife, as the high lords sat like puppies to Otto Hightower, with the exception of the Vale, Riverlands, and the North. You once told Ser Erryk you loved him, you told a knight you loved him, words only a fool would utter.

You ended up returning to court as Rhaenyra summoned you, the journey more exhausting than last. Six years have passed, Rhaenyra's boys have grown into young men, Laena's daughters as beautiful as always. You had greeted them upon their arrival as they trailed just behind you.

"Forgive us for always meeting in the worst of circumstances cousin" Rhaenyra sighed, her stomach had homed another child, you hoped it'd be a girl, knowing Rhaenyra always wanted a daughter or sister, "You've seemed to be glowing".

"I believe it is the thick air cousin" you laughed, "Daemon" you nodded at the Prince.

"Have you seen him yet?" Daemon asked, only earning a confused look from you. "The King".

"They would not let me visit, though I am sure they would let the Heir and his brother see to his bedside" you answered Daemon, "You two visit, I will see to it that the children will be settled down". Both Rhaenyra and Daemon nodded to your kindness.

You signaled the children to follow you, it had been years since they step foot into the Castle. Lucerys and Jacaerys found their way to the Red Keep to evaluate the guards practice, you'd join them after showing Joffery to his quarters and Rhaena to her twin sister.

At the Red Keep you quickly saw Erryk and Arryk sparring one another, as well as the spectators flooding the floor to oversee Criston and Aemond sparring. The Prince disarmed the cocky bastard, you snickered only to be caught by the cocky bastard himself.

"Lady Arryn you seem to be fond of the Red Keep, would you like to spar with us men? We have heard of your fierceness in the fields, granted, we hope you are just as fierce in bed" Criston smiled smugly.

You smiled back before looking at your nephews "Fetch me a Morningstar boys, and a shield, for Ser Criston" you instigated, all eyes now landed on you, including the Cargyll twins.

"Morningstar? To a sword fight? Scared to be disarmed?".

"Oh no you wound me Ser" you laughed as Lucerys handed you the Morningstar and Criston the shield, "Only to prevent another bloody fight like you started at my cousin's wedding".

As you waved the Morningstar around, you blocked several hits from Criston, hitting his shield twice which resulted into breaking it in half. After which you disarmed yourself, handing the Morningstar back to Lucerys, you quickly tripped the knight with your legs and climbed on top of him, his hands situated at your waist before you violently dislocated his shoulder before putting it back into place. His screams shocked the spectators, but it was not until he pulled out a blade and stabbed into your thigh did they react.

"Enough!" Erryk quickly intervened, seeing the bloody mess that leaked from your thigh, the rage that coursed through your veins immediately translated to you removing the blade and stabbing into Criston's hand to pin him to the ground once and for all. Though Erryk must admit, your sheer violence to the knight was, well sexy, it did not discount your own injury and how that worried him.

"See to that the Lady Arryn is handled by the Maesters, Ser Criston as well" Arryk told several guards, you looked at your nephews with pride before speaking.

"Now that is how you get bloody revenge" they both laughed and beamed as Erryk carried you bridal style in order to maintain pressure to your wound, you caught a glimpse of Aemond as he had a look of shock. "Ser Arryk, please do not make a fuss of this to my cousin, granted Alicent might have my head for damaging her beloved whore".

Arryk only laughed at your words before Erryk swiftly walked through the halls, quick to enter your chambers and assess your wound that was bleeding profusely.

"You are mad at me" you spoke up as Erryk cleaned your wound, long minutes have passed since he undressed your bottom half of clothing, his hands were gentle but his gaze not, "Talk to me Erryk".

"Ser" he spoke up before cauterizing the wound in order to stitch, leading you to yelp out in pain and grip his free hand, "You could've gotten yourself killed Lady Arryn, you know well of Ser Criston's temper just as much as I".

"Well Ser, it was only a demonstration".

"You are a woman, a Lady no less, if one peeped to your brother, they would have his head on a spike in the Vale, granted the loves you gained in the North and the Riverlands would surely support his beheading" Erryk critiqued, before grabbing the needles and stitches, giving your legs another look.

"I know I am a woman, I know I am a Lady as well Ser Erryk" you fought back, "You want his head on a spike and hide behind the idea of my brother wanting to kill him, knowing fully my brother would not cause such hysterics unless he'd be backed by Rhaenyra and the bitch Hightowers were gone from court" you scoffed, only earning a small smile from the knight due to your obscenities. "Do not take your anger out on me Erryk, I know you better than anyone" you pleaded, the knight's quip to hurt you by not allowing you to refrain from politics and formalities.

He started the stitches before saying "Six years, I am near twice the man you left Lady Arryn" he started, one stitch fully weaved as you bit your lip to distract yourself from the pain, "Granted, I have never bedded a woman, nor have I sought the company of one seeing that I am bound to the King. I do not own lands and I know plenty of Prince Aegon's depravities. I know more of the histories of Westeros, better yet I know how to make the unmarried, fierce, who most claim to be barren, Lady Y/n Arryn, cum. I am a man, still the man you once loved" Erryk teased, weaving the second to last stitch.

"You take pride in the fact that you know how to get me off?" you chuckled, feeling the heat pool in between your legs.

"I take pride in the fact that you loved me" Erryk sighed, finishing the stitches before aiding you into dressing up and standing on your feet, "Though, I must say no food or sweet in the land can match the sweetness of you, Lady Arryn".

These past six years taught you more about restraint than you bargained for truly, if it were not for your wound and the oath being a vow of chastity, you'd wager that Ser Erryk would have already been spilling his seed in your womb, but, restraint.

"I still hold the same amount of love for you just as I did when we were younger" you told him, he shook his head once more as your confession rolled off your tongue, "I do not jest, I just know the repercussions that you can face. I can handle the great and smaller houses calling me a whore, I cannot handle you being exiled, perhaps beheaded for betraying an oath to the King".

Erryk stood there for a moment, afraid of his words betraying him and hurting you, "I'd give the King my neck if it meant you'd love me" he told you, his hand lightly grazing your knee, your pupils dilated as your eyes only focused on your lover. Emotions of love and pain in unison synchronized between the two of you, as if your energies converged with one another. Warmth and frost rushed through your blood.

"I love you, but that does not mean I am able to lose you like every wife who marries knows…" you started, when you marry one, the implication of death separating you when the gods take your lover is evident and prepared, "A life without you is not a life I want to live Erryk, you have taken my heart when I was barely a lady, now I am a woman and my loyalty to you never wavered- neither my pride".

A knock interrupted your conversation, causing you to jolt and Erryk to discard his hands from your body. "You may enter!" you cleared your throat, being met with Alicent.

Her eyes bore into your soul, she took notice to the knight in your chambers, "Back to your post Ser Erryk" she commanded, you took a glance at him, nodding for him to be eased into his dismissal. As he left, Alicent's lips pursed, you did not fear her no matter how much she wanted you to.

"You are excused from court Lady Y/n Arryn, may you begin your journ-".

"I did not come for you, Alicent" you interrupted, "I came to court for the likes and commitment to my dear cousin, not the Hightowers".

"Just your 'dear' cousin?" Alicent quirked a brow, "Or the lover you parade around who is clearly breaking an oath he made on his own, which should be punished as such".

"As such? What your father, the usurper, would have his head for simply being a trusted friend of mine?" you scoffed, staring back at her wildly, "Lay a finger on Ser Erryk or Arryk, you will be waging a war you and your father cannot fund or survive. You forget, we were never once sisters as you propagate everyone to believe, your victimization may work in the throne, but when it comes to one of the greatest houses, it falters".

Alicent smiled in fear as you were now face to face, "One day I hope we can be friends".

"I hope you find solace in the fact that we never will be. Your grace".

As you all gathered in the throne room to contest the ascension of Lucerys to the Driftmark seat, as Lord Corlys health was questionable, the tension was thick. You still wondered what Rhaenyra needed you for in the means of defending your nephew's claim. Vaemond's vile insults that led to Daemon slicing his head in half, bringing the arguments to a close as there was no one else to contest Lucerys parentage and claim.

"Will you join us all for supper cousin?" Rhaenyra asked as you walked towards the Godswood tree, "Please I would not be able to tolerate Otto and Alicent alone".

"Only for you cousin" you giggled, "I take she informed you of the incident in the Red Keep this morning?".

"How is your leg?" Rhaenyra implored, observing how your leg had a faint limp to it, "She also insinuated you and Ser Erryk were engaged in- rather sexual activities".

"I'd need more than a half hour with him Rhaenyra" you quipped, "Criston is a cunt, if you asked me, I would not let him take my maidenhead" you looked to her, she rolled her eyes at the remark.

"We all have our regrets; you chose the better knight".

[dovesndecay]

Hey! I saw your post on diet culture and fast food and wanted to know what you mean about "diet culture would rather us starve than admit fast food is an accessible food resource"? Could you elaborate? (sorry for the paraphrase, I'm on mobile.) Thanks!

So, I'm disabled in a number of ways. I struggle really hard with executive function, appetite, sensory issues, and pain/fatigue/brainfog that makes deciding on food, and then following the process of making that food very difficult on a good day.

I've always had food issues -- I've snuck whole mouthfuls of food I could not physically make myself eat into the bathroom to spit it out in the toilet because I'd been told I had to eat it. I've puked from the texture of food. And I've gone hungry because food that was prepared is food I could not eat, for a number of reasons.

I'm also really fucking poor. I cannot work a regular job anymore. Groceries have actively skyrocketed to the point where our household is spending less than HALF of what we should be for the number of people. The difference between buying a bunch of groceries that we may or may not eat before they expire or our tastes for them die and simply purchasing a meal from a fast food joint is literally just the cost of labor -- saving us from expending spoons on deciding, buying ingredients, preparing, cooking, and then eating that food, which I will again stress that we might not actually eat.

There's only so many times you can have Walmart brand chicken nuggets before you physically cannot choke it down again.

Diet culture has a huge focus on eating the "right" kind of foods as well as this weird "self-sufficiency" fetish for cooking that can be fine but has a bad habit of edging into ableism. If you physically cannot cook on a regular basis, for any reason, and you have a lot of fast food meals, you get judged a lot for it. It's labeled "unhealthy" and "lazy". I am often told that I just "haven't found the right recipes" or "cooking hacks". No, man, I'm just fucking disabled.

Personally, I'd label starving as more unhealthy than eating fast food, but people don't like hearing that you aren't willing to swallow whatever gruel society thinks people in poverty deserve to have.

For me, fast food is predictable, safe, filling, often less expensive, convenient, spoons-saving, and it means I will eat. I also just genuinely think a lot of fast food tastes good. Sure, it's not fresh veggies and fruits, but I'm not getting those anyway. When I buy groceries, it's the cheapest items possible which means a lot of frozen foods, packaged pastas, and cereals.

And this isn't even looking at food deserts where grocery stores are few and far between, but fast food chains are everywhere. Even my Louisiana hometown, boasting a population of 10,659 people as of 2020, has a Burger King, McDonald's, Hardee's, Wendy's, Taco Bell, Popeyes, and numerous pizza delivery places. Y'know what closed down though? The Piggly Wiggly, one of the more affordable grocery stores -- my grandmother actually worked there during my childhood -- and I don't think the Winn-Dixie is even open there anymore either. So all they've got is a Walmart.

Fast food is an accessible food resource, and diet culture would rather see us starve than acknowledge that.

[fluffyfantasticducky]

The Pride of a God

☆ Pairing: Loki x Reader ☆ Synopsis: You had a had a hard day. And Loki who has a deep understanding of the love of his life... And he worries dearly, but he knows exactly how to cheer you up. has always been able to gloat on his perceptiveness, but can he really figure out that a certain mortal corresponds his feelings when he thinks nobody could feel that way about him? ☆ Word Count: 2,908 ☆ Notes: This is my little birthday gift to this blog. I haven't posted often in a while given my schedule being packed and a rough deppresive episode (which is what started the idea for this fic), so I think a little drabble is a good way to try writing again. ☆ Warnings: Short, a nerd's (me) self-indulgence so it's probably cheesy and more meant to appeal to my personal taste like my spots and stuff.

Loki was a proud god. Perhaps too proud. It often was his downfall. It was partially the reason why he wanted the throne of Asgard. It was what made him butt heads with his brother. It was what so many times got him trouble.

But now on Earth he learned to take pride in different things.

He took pride in becoming and Avenger. He took pride on earning back Thor’s trust. He took huge pride whenever he rescued a civilian and got a token of gratitude, like a hug or a smile or a little Midgardian item, he may have kept a little damaged ragged doll named “Anne” a little girl gave him after he rescued her dad from a terrorist group that had her father kept as a hostage. He took pride in learning how to make flowers grow, it had started as a therapy, but nowadays it was something he did with his own hands and effort.

But most of it all, Loki felt proud of being yours. Oh, you were an exquisite and rare jewel, despite being so seemingly ordinary. But, poor souls who were foolish to not look beneath your gorgeous surface.

No one in all his over millennia of existence had anyone made him so nervous and yet so at ease. You were funny, kind, patient with him, a bit of what mortals called “a weirdo” but most of it all, you were crazy about him. And he took an immense pride of seeing how well he knew you.

He knew your birthday, and had memorized half of your family tree and could already write a biography of you. He knew your favorite color and the best tones of it, as well as your favorite fashion style. Loki had made a list of your favorite artists, movies and shows. He was so aware of your love languages that they came as naturally as breathing to him. He knew what kind of jokes made you laugh and which ones made you groan and roll your eyes. And he was learning about what you do for a living, not only about the people of your work-place and schedule, but also about how you did what you did.

Not everything was nice though, he also knew exactly what was going on through your head whenever you were upset, the signs and possible reasons. And today was one of your bad days.

He could tell the second you walked in. Usually, you arrived at your little apartment and jumped to his arms with joy. Or even call for him with a tired yet loving tone. But today was one of those days were you didn’t make a single sound but the door creaking, you went straight to the bedroom.

The first time you were like this Loki panicked, SURELY he had done something rude to upset you. He picked up a bouquet, chocolates, a stuffed animal and gave you a long-winded speech of how he was a fool, but he never intended to hurt you.

Not once had he been so relieved to see you confused. You just had a rough day and didn’t want to risk taking it out on him.

Since then, you had a ritual together. When Loki heard the door locking and did not hear your lovely voice calling out his name he knew. He set the tea kettle, picked your favorite flavor and made you some of those instant noodles you liked—despite his attempts to convince you that they were better things to eat, not that he actually knew how to cook them on his own—he picked up a little extra snack as dessert. He poured the tea on two mugs with extra honey, and he set everything on a tray of food and made his way to your shared bedroom.

He knocked gently on the door, and opened it, placing the try of food on the night table and getting into bed, scooping you in his arms, rubbing circles across your back. Loki a shocking as it may seem, was warm. Cozy, even. He smiled as he felt the tension and stiffness on your body slowly fade away as he comforted you.

“Tea, my love?” he asked, you shook your head. “Are you sure? I made the mix you like.”

“With honey?”

“Yes, with extra honey, it’d be a shame if you didn’t drink it while it’s hot…”

“Okay” you mumbled, reaching for your mug, and he grinned triumphantly as he saw the knot between your eyebrows come undone to the taste. “It’s sweet…”

“I know you like sweets…” he smiled softly and kissed the top of your head.

“Yeah, that’s why I like you so much…” you mumbled, nuzzling your face into his chest.

He stifled a soft laugh, squirming a bit under you.

“D-Dahaharling!” he laughed softly and covered his mouth. “S-Stohohop it!”

You let out a little laugh and stayed still. Loki felt a mix of pride and relief as he heard you as you finally laughed. He loved knowing you felt better, and he loved it even more when it was because of him.

“Oh love,” he cupped your cheek. “How lovely is that little grin of yours.”

“Thanks… sorry for being difficult” you apologized with a kiss on his jaw and smiled at him.

“You don’t take it out on me, do you?” he asked with a smile. “I have no reason to complain, we’re a couple, love. I remember a pretty little someone that very smartly once said that part of our job is taking care of each other when we’re low.”

“Yeah…” you smiled. “Still… I really appreciate all of this… It means a lot to me.”

Loki’s heart swelled with pride. You always said the right thing to stroke his ego, he wasn’t completely sure if you were doing it on purpose. It was something too perfectly on point to feel as natural as it did. But here he was.

You made his heart do summersaults inside his chest, cheesy as it sounded. You just made him happy like that.

“I’m glad to be of service” he responded lovingly as he kissed your lips. “But… you know, darling… I know something else that always cheers you up.”

“Hm?” you asked, spacing out for a moment. But the look on Loki’s face made his intentions extremely clear. “Oh— Oh, um…”

Contrary to popular belief, Loki was a very kind lover. Even on his most needy, bratty, moody and irrational moments Loki always put your comfort first. And he worked really hard to learn to communicate his needs. But he was still the God of Mischief. He loved wreaking havoc, it was like an itch he just needed to scratch. But he hated seeing you upset, and he knew you didn’t approve certain pranks of his.

But there was tickling. You didn’t mind that, and he loved making you laugh. If anything, tickling was a secret love language between the two of you. You were both overly touchy-feely with each other, especially when the two of you were alone. Long story short, tickling between the two of you came as natural as breathing. To the point where Loki was comfortable to be the one on the receiving end.

“What do you say, love?” he smiled.

“Um, y-yeah…” I muttered timidly. “B-But… maybe w-we could do g-gentle tickling.”

Loki smiled brightly.

“Gentle tickling sounds wonderful. C’mere, gorgeous” he smiled sweetly, opening his arms for you to cuddle.

Oh, how his heart soared when you’d dive in for a bear hug. Your strength wasn’t compared to an Asgardian, but he adored it when you squeezed him tight in your arms.

“Ready?” he asked, softly.

“Ehehehe y-yehehehes” you giggled and snuffled him.

Loki gently grabbed your hands, guiding your arms upwards.

“L-Loki…” you looked at him sheepishly.

“It’s alright, love” he whispered, a smooth undertone of flirtatiousness in his voice. “I’ll make it better, you can just relax… let me take care of everything…”

He pressed a kiss to your forehead and his hand landed on your sides, making you shiver and causing your hands to shot down to wrap around yourself and you rolled over, exposing your side now covered by your side.

“You always react so beautifully.” He smiled and gently wiggled his fingers against your skin. “Laugh for me… let all your worries melt away under my fingers.”

He went for a spot not many knew of, his finger pressed against the small of your back making you squeak and arch away from his fingertips.

“Ahahaha! H-Hey!” you giggled.

“Oh, sorry, did that do something?” he asked in feigned innocence.

“Y-You know whahat that does!” you scolded him, your nose scrunched up involuntarily like it did every time he messed with you, in a way, assuring him you weren’t really angry and it was all part of the game.

“I suppose I do” he admitted. “Doesn’t mean that’ll make it any easier for you.”

His fingers danced across your back, up and down your spine, tracing the shape of your shoulder blades, the dancing of his fingers could almost be compared to that of an ice skater. That is until he reached that deadly ticklish spot on the back of your ribs. He had you in stiches right away.

“Nahahahaha! D-Don’t d-do that!” you whined as you rolled back to laying on your back.

“Do what?” he asked innocently, stopping for just a second, looking at you like a lovestruck fool.

He was just getting started and your cheeks already had that lovely color on them.

“I… Ihihi am not falling for the oldest trick in the book” you huffed.

“Mm, it’s a shame” Loki sighed dramatically. “No matter, I wasn’t planning on stopping soon anyway.”

And with that he went back to focus on the task at hand.

Shivers went down your spine. Loki had a talent to make you feel better, his touch was always was what you needed, from silly and playful to gentle and soothing… not that the latter tickled any less. He was an expert at making you laugh, it was just a matter of knowing how much each time.

“Ehehehe…!” you giggled. “Heeheehee! L-Loki, hehehehahahaha!”

Lok’s fingers traveled up your ribs, poking between the crevices, gently kneading to make you hiccup, using his thumbs to tickle the front of your ribs, massaging with his thumbs in little devious fingers.

“Nahahahaha! T-That tickles! Hahahahaha!” you laughed.

“Oh, really? I wouldn’t have guessed me tickling you would, in fact, tickle you” he hummed, grabbing your hands, pulling them above your head.

“N-No! L-Loki!” you whined, knowing exactly where it was going.

Loki raised a finger and placed it by your hip, drawing his finger upwards against your side and towards your armpit.

“Nohohohoho! Lohohohoki!” you begged between laughs.

And just when he was going to your worst spot, his fingers traveled down back to your hips. But instead of giving you mercy, his finger gently caressed across your belly, spiraling, drawing circles and circles down your navel.

“Hehehehehe! Hahaha! Oh gahahahaha!” you guffawed. “S-Stop, stohohohop!”

He smiled in satisfaction. He took inmense pride in knowing all your tickle spots like the back of his hand. He knew which spot to touch and how to touch it to make you squeal. From a light caress along your spine, to kneading your ribs, gently scratching against… well, he should be getting to that right away, or he’d exhaust you before he could go for that little spot.

As his fingers continued his travel towards your other side, going upwards as he had done previous… except this time, he did go for the kill… sort of.

“EEEK! Hahahahaha! No pleahahahase! Hehe! Hic! Hahahaha!” you laughed when his finger wiggling against your armpit, gently scratching the ticklish skin. Such a little spot could cause so much laughter. “Not thehehehere! Not there!”

You kicked your legs around the air. It was maddening, but for a weird reason. Loki could be devastating when it came to tickling. A “you’ll be sore from laughing, dizzy and so worn out you won’t be able to move” type of devastating. But these nights he was gentle, soft… too soft. It was embarrassing how delicately he tickled you.

But the worst spot was still the worst spot. It will always make you come undone in a laughing fit, no matter how careful and softly you tickle it.

“Loki! Hahahaha!” you laughed. “Hahahaha! Stahahahap! Hahaha! No!”

Your hands went to your wrists, giggling like a dork. But he wasn’t to be stopped by a human worn down for giggling. He leaned down, and started peppering down to kiss your cheek, before his lips traveled down your neck, which only added to the tickling sensation.

“AIIIEEE! Lohohohoki!” you cackled. “Please! Plehehehease!”

Loki laughed along with you, his lips along your neck while his fingers sent ticklish shocks through your body.

“Nahahahaha! Cut it out, you jeheheherk!” you scolded him through his fit of laughter.

“Hehehe! You’re a delight” he smiled. “I could play with you all day long.”

“No” God, pleahahase no!”

“No? Darling, I highly doubt you’re in a position to make that call” he grinned, despite feeling a bit of guilt deep down, you were growing tired.

“Hahahaha!” you laughed, before letting out a wheeze. “Ohoho my god! Lohohohoki, thahahat’s not fair!”

“Mischief isn’t fair, darling” he whispered, but his hands slowed down until his hands came to a full stop, giving you a chance to catch your breath.

You smiled tiredly, your chest heaving, mixed with a few residual laughs. You were exhausted, but your chest was lighter. Loki’s tickly attack had the effect he hoped.

“Oh, is it, my love?” he smiled, “I am simply providing you a service, what do you humans call it, therapy? Mm, yes, I think that was it. Think of it as therapeutic tickling.”

“Loki…!” you blushed, covering your face with your hands.

Loki didn’t like it when you covered your face. Loki was a deadly tease, so an overdramatic reaction was always on cue, cute, but he didn’t like not seeing his lover’s face. He could take any punishment or torture, just so you wouldn’t deprive him of looking at you.

He gently grabbed your hands, pulling them away from your face and towards his lips, giving them a kiss.

“You’re a menace, you’ll be the death of me one day.” You joked softly.

“Don’t say that my love… All I want is to give you is joy, pleasure, peace of mind and heart…” he said, almost begging you for the chance. “Tonight… You don’t have to worry about anything else… I will scare away all your woes, replacing your distress with bouts of laughter…”

He sounded desperate, needy. More needy than usual.

“What’s wrong, my prince?” you asked, reaching to cup his cheek, gently stroking your thumb along his skin. “You aren’t acting like yourself.”

“I… it.. well… I don’t… like seeing you upset.” Loki looked down in shame. “Do not misunderstand me, I adore taking care of you like this! But… it’s so frustrating to see you arrive upset, and being powerless to prevent it. I worship you, you are perfection incarnate, and it kills me to think people don’t treat you like you deserve.”

It shouldn’t be surprising that Loki had such dramatic declarations. His theatricals were one of the main reasons to love him, after all. But it still was moving, because for the God of Lies, he was very honest with you, exaggerated, maybe, but it came from the heart.

“Baby… life can’t be always easy, sometimes I’ll have rough days.” You smiled, reaching your hand to scratch his scalp, helping him relax. “Maybe I’ll disagree with someone, and at some point there might be a time when I have to face an injustice…”

“I fail to see how that’s supposed to ease my nerves” Loki grumbled.

“That’s just a normal life” you laughed softly. “Life has highs and lows, and I’m blessed with a great high point whenever I arrive at home, no one else gets to have you. Who else gets to kiss the God of Mischief every night?”

“Mmm, I suppose that’s true…” he smiled cheekily. “Still… I worry…”

“Love, as much as I’d love to stay here with you all day, if you don’t let anything bad happen to me, nothing will happen to me ever.” You spoke, lovingly but solemnly, a deliciously intriguing mixture. “But I’m grateful to have such a kind man looking after me, just… I don’t need a hero, I just need you.”

“I always will look after you” he nodded. “Even if I can’t protect you from everything. I’ll be here for you, just like you are for me.”

“And I always be here for you too” you smiled back at him.

“I couldn’t wish for anything or anyone better to happen to me” he sighed, pulling your body against him. “You are a blessing.”

“Who would have thought the God of Mischief was such a cheesy guy?” you teased him.

“Ohoho? Is that so?” he purred. “Mmm… you know what will happen to you here in our little home?”

“W-What?” you gulped, already having a good idea of where that tone was leading to.

“A night full of laughter” he grinned, his fingers traveling to your body, making sure to draw every single laugh from you.

MASTERPOST

[thebluester2020]

Humbly asking for your horny Jio rant (≧ω≦。)!!!!

(I am ravenous for even the smallest of crumbs)

Summary: [RSV] Jio NSFW Alphabet (I pick my favorite letters so nothing's in order!) Warning(s): 18+ filth (Im not holding back, y'all have been warned) Kinda nothing tbh I'm literally just spitting from the mouth and hoping it makes sense. Rough Sex + Dub-con(?) (In letter D but it's Jio's imagination), Side note(s): Oh girl/boy/sibling...ANON BUCKLE UP. I struggled writing this ngl, I could write a fucking essay about how much this man means to me but I didn't want to use a ask to just rant away so...this is like a normal NSFW ABC fic but with some humor (my horny rantings) sprinkled in so lol, be on the lookout for those. MINORS AND AGELESS BLOGS DNI

quick side note ; to the poor unfortunate souls that may come across this post don't have a single fucking clue who Jio is. This is Jio from the RSV mod aka the man I'd willingly slut myself out to.

extra note alert ; Before we begin though, I want to make one thing really clear.

I'm biased as all hell toward Jio because I have the biggest thing for elves. Woman, man, doesn't matter to me. If they have pointy ears and are unusually attractive and tall, then I'm all in dude. So with that being said? Please believe me when I say that stars shot from my eye sockets when I learned this man was an elf.

AND THAT'S NOT EVEN THE BEST PART.

A = Aftercare (What they're like after sex)

Jio would be the king of aftercare. His dialogue already implies that him and farmer get freaky on the regular so he'll definitely ask you if you need any water or if anywhere is a little more sore than the usual (in which case, he's giving you a massage that puts professionals to shame). But if you say no to any of these and state that you'd rather just cuddle, he's pulling you closer to his body immediately and whispering sweet words to you as he pets your head until you go to sleep.

♡ - "Drink," The soft-spoken word made you steadily crack your eyes open before, through your hazy vision, you saw Jio standing over you with a cup of water in his hand. You snickered quietly to yourself as you propped yourself on your arm to take it, the crispy refreshing taste of the liquid going down your throat both hydrating you as well as giving your body a jolt of awakeness. And as a delicious ache ran through your body, particularly in-between your legs after you and Jio's love-making session.

Your cheeks started to darken and warm a little at the memory of what you and your husband had done only a few minutes ago. Something that Jio quickly picked up on as he smirked at the alluring sight of you growing more and more embarrassed from your own thoughts. "Something on your mind, my love?"

B = Body Part (Their favorite body part of theirs and also their partner's)

Jio would definitely be proud of his muscles. There's a scene where the farmer openly gawks at him when he's meditating in his spouse area so I think after seeing his spouse so openly drool over him. He'd become more focused on his muscles when he trains and would definitely give the farmer a little show every now and again. As for the farmer, though? As cheesy as this response is, I think Jio would love every part of you, there's no part that he favors really because he thinks your literal being is a blessing in his eyes. This means there's definitely a lot of body worship during sex.

♡ - You felt like you were on cloud nine right now as Jio kissed every available surface area of skin on your body.

Each time his lips would ghost over your skin. The more your thighs twitched with the urge to clench if it weren't for your husband situating himself between them, his hand teasingly petting at your soaked cunt much to your dismay. "J-Jio..." You begged, the sound of your whiny voice making the elf throb in his pants before he looked up at you through hooded eyes. He placed one last kiss on your hand before he responded with a throaty "Yes"?

"Please..."

You hated how you felt yourself throb at the sight of him smirking at you, almost as if he were a fox who just an inch closer to capturing his prey. "Please what, my star?" He turned your hand over to press a kiss in the middle of your palm before he moved down to your stomach, kissing down and closer and closer to the area you wanted him most until he stopped again. "You have to be more specific, begging aimlessly won't get you anywhere."

You pouted. "T-There." You tried gesturing to your aching pussy by grinding forward against his clothed dick, eliciting a sharp hiss from him. Yet, as quickly as you tried to seduce him into giving up on reminding you of his manners, he moved back a little to avoid any more of your tempting ministrations.

"You know how to ask properly, not by acting like a tempting vixen." He pinched your thigh lightly as a warning, a whine escaping your lips as you ran your tongue over them.

"Please...touch my pussy, I-I need you."

His praising smile felt like it could light up your very soul. "As you wish, my star."

C = Cum (Anything to do with cum basically)

Okay so— I feel like when it comes to Jio himself? He's not big on cumming on you. Since he sees as no less than a goddess basically, in his eyes? Cumming on you is degrading, no matter how much you try to convince him that you're into it. However, cumming inside of you is definitely on the books, he loves it. As for you though? This man is a total Munch Master 365 days out of the year. Want to ride his face until he squirts on you? He's into it. When he fucks you and he sees your slick beginning to drip from your hole and onto the floor, he has to resist the urge to eat you out in order to continue stuffing you full. Your cum is essentially ambrosia to him, he could go hours drinking you down and he's never going to be fully satisfied.

♡ - He couldn't get enough of your sweet nectar.

Your delicious slick that dripped from your needy cunt after just a few minutes of foreplay. Jio would've had a mind to laugh if he weren't so focused on sucking on your clit right now, his arms locked around your thighs to keep you from closing them as you moaned and pulled at his hair, the stinging pain encouraging him to keep going in his ministrations whilst he struggled to try and keep a close eye on you.

But, from the combined fact that his head was swirling from both your taste and his growing lust, as well as his bare cock twitching against the bedsheets, the little friction it had from his grinding against the sheets only did enough to make him needier and needier for your warmth rather than actually getting him off!

Then again, in the face of your pleading eyes looking down at him in a silent bid for him to keep going until you came...

How was he able to deny such an expression?

D = Dirty Secret (Pretty self-explanatory, a dirty secret of theirs)

He definitely would've had a dirty imagination about you once or twice before you two even started dating. However, they would mostly be along the lines of "Yoba, this farmer is so annoying because they say hi to me every day...let me fuck them to take my frustrations out on them". Now, when these thoughts would pop up, he would definitely try to bury them, to the point no matter how hard his dick if after thinking about it. He's not going to falter and touch himself. But oh boy, does it cause him to start to see you in a new light after starting to think about what you look like under your clothes.

♡ - Typically, Jio was in control of himself much more than this.

He wasn't aware of a single thing in this world that could shake his foundations or make him waver in his beliefs. But...it seemed that you were a unique exception because, for the last few nights since the night the two of you began talking since your victory in the Spirit World. His mind has been...plagued, with certain imaginations that is.

Imaginations that focused on the topic of how annoyed he was of you.

It was infuriating how you didn't understand the words 'Go Away'.

So, in the deepest reaches of his mind, he knew the perfect method to make you understand how much he disliked you. He'd approach you in a forest, perhaps you would already be on your way to talk to him one-sidedly once more, and he'd pull you towards him before smashing his lips against you.

His cock would twitch inside his pants at the sound of your needy moan, eager and possibly elated at the fact that you were finally getting the attention you were seeking from the very beginning as Jio swiftly pressed you against the bark of a tree and flip up your skirt.

"Tch," He click his tongue at the sight of your soaked panties, lightly pinching your backside when you wiggled your ass to tempt him into giving you more. "...Such a needy thing, hold still. I'll give you what you so eagerly want." He'd whisper, more to himself rather than you as he quickly freed his cock and wasted no more time to pull your panties to the side before he stuffed you full in one thrust.

Yet the second he'd begin to move...he'd snap himself of his thoughts.

Now the elf was faced with a new task. To find a way to calm his raging hard-on, he refused to fall into the pit of temptation that he was so certain you were trying to lead him into.

extra note ; Continuing on my last point—

He's. A. Tsundere.

He's. Mean (with that hidden sweet side to spice it all up)

And not to expose myself but I fucking love mean men. And to be honest? I'll go a step further. THEY DON'T EVEN HAVE TO BE NICE??? During the Ridgeside quest line, the first two years of my playthrough revolved around J I O, and with every single mean dialogue he dished my way, I licked right up.

I = Intimacy (How are they during the moment? The romantic aspect)

I think of Jio as a half-in-half case. On most nights, he's super romantic and likes to treat your body as if it was gifted to him by Heaven itself (i.e If you're not confusing the moment for a Wattpad scene then he's thinking he hasn't done enough). On the flip side though, he'll ditch the romance if he's super pent-up or if you're explicitly asking for him to treat you a lil' more roughly.

♡ - His heart felt like it was close to bursting.

Within the dimly lit room of your shared bedroom, the soft sounds of your sexes meeting could be heard as he trusted up into you as you sat on his lap, the two of you sharing a hugging embrace as his cock twitched inside of you at the sound of your moans.

But, his orgasm was steadily becoming an afterthought as all Jio could focus on was you. After all that he had been through in his life, all the sacrifices he's made—

How could he be so lucky to be with you in this moment?

To have your love and attention?

"My love," He panted out, his voice uncharacteristically breathless and whiny as he nearly pleaded for your eyes to be on him. Shakily, you took your face from the crook in his neck to look at him, your hands sliding up his body until they cupped his face. And from that simple action alone, the elf had fallen deeper in love with you.

"Y-Yes" You responded to him, your face somehow warming even more as you looked into your husband's lovesick eyes. A small smile was on his smile and his cheeks as well as the tips of his ears appeared flushed.

Jio smiled as you caressed and held his cheeks before his face fell to rest in the valley between your breasts. "You're so pretty." He sighed dreamily.

J = Jack Off (Masturbation Headcanon)

He doesn't jerk off much, to be honest. (And to be honest? I feel like his libido doesn't really "activate" unless you're around him) Even when you two are in a relationship and I fully believe it's because 1. He's usually too busy/focused on his missions to think of rubbing one out or 2. He has you so if he's in the mood then he'll just go to you. But should you not be in the picture at the moment? He'll just get himself off to a piece of clothing that smells like you or his imagination.

♡ - "Fuuckk..." Jio whispered to himself as he sat on the edge of the bed, his hand slowly stroking his cock as he breathed in the smell of your scent from a shirt you left behind on the bed. The combination of that plus the imagination of your hands being the one on his dick rather than his own...it made for a pretty convincing moment that led him closer and closer to his orgasm.

It wasn't often that the elf masturbated. It wouldn't ever compare to the real thing.

But...when you said you'd be on Ginger Island for the next few days to attend to businesses there, he was expected to uphold the task of keeping things here on your farm in order.

And he'd do just that.

However, he didn't expect that his body would react so strongly to your absence. Even as his ministrations on himself slowly got faster and faster on his cock, going so far as to even spit on his dick to try and poorly imitate your slick and how it'd make your movements faster.

It was dull in comparison.

So dull that as his hands slowed and he came to a stop. All he felt was boredom. "...Yoba," He hissed in frustration.

He'd simply wait until you returned.

final note alert ; I saved my biggest thought bubble for the end so here we go-

Jio is the best-modded husband hands-down. Literally fight me on this. It's hard to convey my thoughts fully without giving concrete evidence (+ the fact that I'm going based off my memory since I haven't done a playthrough of the RSV questline in a lil' bit) but I think that anyone who's on the fence of RSV needs to give it a shot, even if it's just for Jio 💀. Like deadass, the whole reason I started this blog in the first place was to have a reason to rant about this man every now and again before it became a place for me to rant about hot people in general.

To reiterate, I'm biased as hell because I have a thing for elves and mean guys but seriously to anyone who reads this.

GIVE RSV A TRY.

Hot elf guy aside, the character stories in the mod are super good. Like I'd recommend Shiro, June, Ian etc. ANYDAY OF THE WEEK. I can't imagine my modded Stardew without Ridgeside Village so-

YEAH PLAY THE MOD SO I HAVE MORE PEOPLE TO RANT ABOUT THE HOT MEN WITH <33

[sbdskate]

Laws Of Attraction (Part 6) - DR x lawyer!fem!reader

Summary: McLaren is in breach of contract, dr3 hires a lawyer to deal with the aftermath. Tropes ensue. Slow burn. Enemies(kind of) -> Friends/colleagues -> Lovers

Pairing: lawyer!fem!reader x Daniel Ricciardo

Warnings: language, slight angst, alcohol consumption, mature themes

Word Count: 3,635

A/N: That’s right, I broke the ending into another part which means another chapter is on the way. If you’ve been keeping up, I appreciate you sticking with me through my draughts and generally inconsistent posting schedule. Thank you again for every like, comment, and reblog. Please let me know what you think and enjoy ❤���

Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3 | Part 4 | Part 5 | Part 6 | Part 7 | Part 8 | Part 9 | Part 10 | Epilogue 1

The week passed more quickly than you anticipated. You pulled an all-nighter to draft the language you promised. It helped that you couldn’t sleep anyways. You tried to make up for it on the twenty-hour flight from Brazil to Abu Dhabi but again, rest evaded you. It didn’t help that between the travel and the time difference you basically lost a day and a half. You threw yourself deeper into your work as a distraction. You were thankful that there were lots of back and forths of redlines, as expected.

But no matter how busy you kept yourself, you couldn’t stop thinking about that damn kiss that had now been tattooed in your mind. You wished it wasn’t good. You wished he had chapped lips and tasted like onions. But it had enveloped you. The way he grabbed you and the feeling of his stubble on your face set off butterflies in your stomach and other places down south. You were pretty sure you saw through space and time and you suddenly had the ability to hear colors.

And even though the kiss was so good, it was made bittersweet by everything that was discussed afterwards. You didn’t miss the warmth leaving his eyes and his obvious disappointment. On one hand, you handled the situation the best way you knew how. You had been very clear in Mexico on the limits of your relationship, that should not have been a surprise to him. Your job was to be professional and you reestablished those boundaries. On the other, you had somehow removed every laugh line from his face. You missed the crinkles around his eyes and the reverberating bravado of his laugh. If there was another way you could have gone about the conversation, it was lost on you. Leaning into the kiss and those feelings surrounding it was legally impossible. He would simply have to pick up his bruised ego and move on, which you were sure wouldn’t be difficult. The thought helped you somewhat – he was still a handsome, charismatic celebrity who could get any girl he wanted. You were one piece of parsley in an endless buffet. Poor little rich boy couldn’t have the one dish he wanted right now, but as soon as the season was over and you went your separate ways, you would be a distant memory he would laugh at in retrospect. Amongst the models, actresses, singers, and influencers he could pick from, he had trauma bonded with his very average and nerdy lawyer during a particularly vulnerable point in his life.

As your thoughts meandered during the course of the long flight, you were appreciative that you would not be on your own this weekend. The partner apparently decided to show up in Abu Dhabi, finally making Daniel a priority knowing that the matter would be closing. You had gotten somewhat frustrated with Joe, that he kept cancelling on meetings last minute leaving you to deal with everything. There were several silver linings, however. First, you hoped it meant he trusted you with the significant responsibility, which again would likely lead to a positive performance review and a hefty bonus. It may even come in handy a few years from now when you would become eligible to make partner yourself. Second, in picking up that responsibility, you had grown a lot professionally in the last few months. Belgium felt like a lifetime ago, in more ways than one. In the last few restless days your mind kept reflecting back to that first race weekend when you were full of nerves, but lately you didn’t quite feel like the same young associate with a chip on her shoulder and something to prove. Third, for better or worse, you grew to know you client in a way you would not have been able to but for the partner’s absence and that transfer of duty. Because you knew him so well now, you were better able to represent him. This was, of course, a double-edged sword. You’d unintentionally gotten to know the driver far better than you intended. Over the course of months, he poked little holes in your armor leaving you open and vulnerable and inching you closer towards that delicate line you dared not cross. The two of you had danced around it for weeks. If you hadn’t crossed it before, kissing certainly pushed the two of you over the edge together. You wondered what he thought about all this, considering he had far less to lose from the predicament. It would probably be awkward the next time you saw each other, but hopefully still respectful and professional if nothing else.

-

Meanwhile, Daniel along with the rest of the grid arrived in Abu Dhabi a day early to have a retirement dinner party for Seb. Seb had been unexpected source of support during this uncertain time in his career. Not all of the drivers had reached out to him when news about his early termination with McLaren broke. Of those that did reach out, some were simply surface level exchanges lacking compassion and depth. Seb, however, had helped him navigate a slew of existential crisis. The least Daniel could do was return that support to his friend. He sat next to Lando and Pierre, the drivers chatting amongst themselves during the meal. Of course there was a general curiosity about his plans for next year, but he playfully remained tight-lipped. The conversation was light, reminiscing and debriefing on some of the post-race debauchery over the course of the season. It was all fun and games until Pierre brought up Halloween in Mexico and his failed attempts at bringing home an instragram influencer and a model that night.

“I think I might be losing my touch. But that was a fun night though, yeah?”

“It was, I’m surprised you remember most of it,” Daniel teased.

“Honestly, me too. That girl dressed as you, she was a good time.” Daniel did his best to remain casual, though his heart skipped at beat at your mention.

“Yeah, y/n is fun when she’s not working.”

“I’ve seen her around the paddock a few times. She’s your lawyer, right?” He took a long drink, not liking the direction the conversation was headed.

“Yeah.”

“Maybe when the season is over I can grab her number.” It was more of a statement than a question. Daniel feigned ignorance at the request and laughed.

“I mean I can give it to you, but she probably wouldn’t be able to help you.”

“How so?” Pierre looked at Daniel, both men visibly confused.

“I mean I’m no lawyer myself, but wouldn’t it be a conflict of interest for her?”

“Oh no dude, I don’t want her services – or, uh legal services I should say,” he said cheekily. Daniel’s ears immediately turned red, his jaw clenched, and hand balled into a fist. He did his best to control his facial muscles to not let on to the fact that Pierre had unknowingly stepped on an emotional landmine. Lando, who had been talking to Zhou across from him, sensed the shift in the driver sitting next to him. He diverted his attention for a moment to try to break the tension before Daniel could say or do something he would regret.

“Pierre, she’s way too smart for you and you’re not her type,” he said casually, earning a laugh from the others including Pierre.

“What are you talking about, I’m everybody’s type,” he said with a smirk.

“Yeah, I think that might be part of the problem,” Lando responded. “Plus, you’re already in a committed relationship with this one,” jabbing his thumb in the direction of Yuki. That side of the table continued to laugh and joke, Daniel included, but he didn’t miss the chance to lock eyes with his teammate to silently convey his thanks for discreetly deflecting the conversation away from the woman that had taken up so much space in his mind. Had he really almost punched his friend at a fancy restaurant during his mentor’s retirement party? He was in deep. Hook, line, and sinker.  

Daniel had bought himself more time extending the signing with Red Bull, but he had no idea what he was doing. You had made it abundantly clear that nothing could happen until after everything was signed. You also hadn’t explicitly said whether you wanted anything to happen afterwards... All he knew, whether or not anything progressed further between the two of you, he just needed to be near you. He needed more time with you, beyond Monday.

The evening continued with heartfelt sentiments exchanged, and Daniel found himself more and more in his feelings especially as the drinks flowed. He thought he recovered from Pierre’s comments at dinner, but then Seb gave a speech to the rest of grid that brought him to the brink of tears. His mentor’s goodbye made him reflect and contemplate his own journey over the year. Though neither driver would be on the grid next season, Daniel was envious that Seb had the opportunity to leave the sport on his own terms compared to the lack of agency he felt with his tenure with McLaren. Feeling unmoored, you showed up out of nowhere to turn his ship around at the eleventh hour. He wasn’t sure what was next for him, but he knew he couldn’t do it without you by his side. Maybe another drink would take his mind off you.

The night continued, one by one the other drivers called it a night. But Daniel stayed until the wee hours of the morning with some of the younger drivers who had higher tolerances. Lando took note of his teammate’s condition who refused to believe he couldn’t keep up. They hadn’t discussed the elephant in the room, but he could put two and two together even if he didn’t have all the details. You might have been discreet, but Daniel was anything but. He noticed how Daniel perked up just a little on the days you had meetings. He noticed the stupid looks you gave each other, each party oblivious to the other. He noticed all the times you went out with the drivers at Daniel’s invitation, which was surely not in your job description. And right now for whatever reason likely involving you, Daniel was miserable, his melancholia exasperated by alcohol.

“Hey mate, I think it’s time to go back to the hotel,” Lando said as he put an arm around Daniel.

“Nooo, but we’re having fun! For Seb!” Daniel slurred as he held up his drink triumphantly.

“We are having fun, but we have to get up really early. Remember?”

Daniel was too tired to fight back. So he pouted as Lando corralled him into the backseat of the car back to the hotel.

-

You rolled into Abu Dhabi at 2am. You were exhausted. You had no shame about rocking under eye patches and a face mask mid-flight to at least hopefully make it look like you’d gotten some type of rest over the last two days. Unfortunately, the dark circles that remained begged to differ.

You were in the middle of checking in when you heard commotion in the lobby behind you. You rolled your eyes at the drunks stumbling in, keeping your head down to avoid any interaction.

“That’s it, almost there mate.” You knew that voice. You slowly turned to find Lando struggling to guide a dazed Daniel towards the elevator. You rubbed your eyes and blinked a few times to make sure you were seeing clearly. That made you wake up.

“Lando? Daniel?”

Both drivers looked your way. You suddenly became very aware and self-conscious of your grungy airport outfit: messy bun, no makeup, and full Enchante sweatsuit Daniel had gifted you after Japan. You couldn’t decipher the look Lando gave you that was equal parts relieved and concerned, but Daniel’s face lit up immediately showing off those darn dimples.

“Y/n!”

“Hi. What are you guys doing?” you asked hesitantly. It was mostly directed at Lando since he still had his wits about him, but Daniel answered anyways.  

“We had to say goodbye to Seb,” he said solemnly. Lando rolled his eyes seeing the immediate look of concern and confusion on your face.

“Jesus Christ. The guy’s retiring, he didn’t die.”

You gave a polite smile. “I’m sorry, I think I’m missing something.”

“The whole grid had a retirement party for Seb, not a funeral as this one might have you believe. It started with dinner but some guys stayed out and well… he’s just been slightly overserved.” You pursed your lips together to keep from laughing. You could tell Lando’s patience had run thin, but despite his annoyance he had made sure Daniel got back safe which you appreciated.

“Well, thank you for taking care of my client.”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about, I’m fine,” Daniel slurred a few feet away, leaning against a pillar in the opulent lobby – immediately followed by him almost slipping but quickly catching himself. He smiled again, proud and satisfied with his own rescue effort.

“Right…” you drawled. You turned to the concierge who had been patient and stoic as the scene unfolded. You’d been informed that the hotel catered to Westerners, but you were still cautious being in a country that technically followed Sharia law despite the many exceptions for expats and tourists. “My apologies ma’am, is it ok if I help escort my friend to his room for a moment? I can finish checking in afterwards.”

“Of course Miss l/n. I’ll still be here.” Having the green light to accompany the two boys, you and Lando flanked Daniel linking your arms through his to walk him to the elevator.

“I don’t need help,” *hiccup* “I’m a strong, independent woman,” he said, though he did nothing to resist your assistance.

“You are maybe half of those things,” you retorted.

“That’s being generous, I give him zero out of three,” Lando chimed in.

“Oh be nice, you know you can feel those muscles,” you lightly countered as you gave Daniel’s bicep a quick squeeze. You gave him a tired, playful smile and the look he returned you was so full of adoration it felt like your heart was going to burst at the seams. He leaned his head on your shoulder when you stepped in the elevator and you wished you could put the moment on pause to keep him there a while longer.

“You can’t possibly be referring to these chicken wings,” Lando replied. “Do you have your room key?” Lando asked Daniel, breaking your daze. Daniel shuffled for a second, patting his pockets, then nodding in confirmation. “Good, I’m going to bed.” He pressed the floor for himself, then Daniel’s.

“I’m sorry, what?” Lando gave you a knowing smile.

“I already did 90% of the heavy lifting, I’m sure you can handle it from here.” You shot daggers his way, Daniel still between the two of you, blissfully unaware of your quarrel. “See you in seven hours,” he said as he got off the elevator.

You sighed as the elevator doors closed, leaving the two of you alone. Daniel was too drunk to feel awkward about the predicament given how you last left things, a lazy smile still on his face.    

“You called me your friend. To the concierge.”

“I did.”

“I thought I was your client.”

“The two aren’t mutually exclusive.” He hummed in response. The answer seemed to make him happy. His eyes grazed over you, his smile growing.  

“You’re wearing my clothes.”

“An astute observation.”

“They look good on you.” The elevator doors opened as a blush crept to your face. You guided him into the hallway and ignored his comment.

“Ok, what number are you?”

“This way,” he said, ignoring your question and yanking you to the right. You kept your arm around him to steady his swaying. You could smell the alcohol coming off him, making you wonder about the events leading up to this but whatever it was wasn’t a conversation for today. He finally stopped in front of a door and fumbled with his pockets. You waited to make sure he could get into his room, but after a minute or two you got concerned.

“I can go back to the concierge to get another key-”

“No, no, I got it.” You watched as he fished it out from the depths of his front pocket, then struggled with getting it to work on the fob.

“Here, let me help you.” Your own patience running low, you took the key from his hands and opened the door. You had planned on finishing your check-in when you knew he made it inside, but felt bad leaving him in the condition he was in. You reasoned that it was to help him avoid a hangover in the morning so that he would be as camera ready as possible for press day, but it was a loose excuse.

You cautiously entered his room and turned on some lights. Your jaw dropped for a moment – his room was at least triple the size of every other hotel room you had stayed at over the course of the season, every detail pristine. You held the door open for him as you ogled in the foyer. He pinballed off the door frame to make his way inside, leaning against the wall across from you. He openly took you in, admiring how his merch hung from your body more perfectly than he ever could have imagined. He didn’t turn away when you returned his gaze.

“Come on let’s get you tucked in, you have a long day tomorrow – or in six and a half hours.” You grabbed his arm again and brought him towards the bed, and he happily followed you like a puppy. You were relieved he was at least cooperating. You sat him down. “Ok sir, where do you keep your pajamas?” He gave you a wicked grin.

“I don’t wear any,” he said shamelessly. You pursed your lips, you knew you walked into that one.

“Of course you don’t. Well when I leave you can get undressed. Just sit tight for a sec.” You opened up the bottle of water by the coffee maker and poured it into a glass. “Here, drink this.” He guzzled the water, so you poured him another. “Good job. How are you feeling?”

“Better now that you’re here.” He showed off his pearly whites with a giant smile, closing his eyes as his head flopped back.

Oh my God, you’re so drunk, you said under your breath. “I’m serious, do you feel nauseous at all? Headache?”

“I’m peachy,” he said as he swung his legs back and forth off the bed. He played with his hands in his lap. Seemingly able to entertain himself at least for a minute, you walked into the bathroom to go through his toiletries to find some Advil and maybe some tums for the morning. When you returned, your patient was already taking off his shirt and had started undoing his belt.

“Woah, woah, woah, slow down there tiger. Why don’t you take two Advil first?”

“I’ll do anything you tell me,” he said before swallowing the pills you handed him. “I’m going to miss you when you leave.” His sudden shift in tone threw you off. You sat down next to him to show your support and solidarity.

“You know you can always call me. It will be like I never left.”

“As a friend?” he asked hopefully. You smiled and put a reassuring hand on his thigh.

“Yes, definitely as a friend.” There was a pause.

“What about as more than a friend?” *hiccup* “Like, afterwards?” You bit your lip, but smiled.

“I think that’s a conversation for another time.”

“You didn’t say no.” You laughed.

“You’re drunk as a skunk and this is the moment you choose to dissect semantics.” He picked up your hand resting on his thigh, bringing it to his lips to kiss without breaking eye contact.

“Enchante.”

“That doesn’t even make sense, but it sure is charming as heck,” you said between laughs. You pulled your hand back and stood up. “On that note, I think you have everything you need so I’m going to head out. You have two more ibuprofen on your nightstand for the morning and two tums in case you get heartburn or an upset stomach. I set your alarm for 8:00 so you can sleep in a little, but still gives you an hour to get ready before you need to head to the paddock. I think it’s ok if you’re fashionably late.” He pouted. “Oh come on now, no need to frown. You get to take off those pants and go to bed. I’m going to go to bed too.”

“You’re sure you don’t want to stay?” He gave the best puppy eyes he could. Matched with his bare torso, six pack on full display, and unbuttoned belt and pants, anyone with a weaker constitution would’ve folded immediately. But at this point you were a trained soldier, the end of your internal battle in sight. You did make one concession though.

Maybe it was impulse. Maybe it was the jet lag. Maybe it was the possibility he wouldn’t remember any of it in the morning. But in a streak of boldness, you brought your hand to the side of his face, feeling the sharpness of his jawline and the texture of his stubble. You bent down and gave him a kiss on the cheek. “Maybe next time,” you murmured, your lips ghosting over his.

His eyes were flying saucers when you stood. “Good night, Daniel. Get some rest.”

Despite how tired he was, it was hard for him to fall asleep after that.

Taglist: @ravenqueen27 @leslizzle @zendayabelova @eitak-t @chiliwhore @wewoo1233 @thatchickwiththecamera

[bootleg-nessie]

List of Extremely Cursed Knowledge

Having autism and ADHD is a blessing and a curse because on one hand, I’m basically a walking encyclopedia of random facts and information. On the other hand, a fair amount of that information is so fucked up that it’s not socially acceptable to share it with anyone. So naturally, I took every fucked up fact, every bit of twisted trivia, every bit of cursed knowledge that I could come up with off the top of my head and compiled it into one big list to post on the internet. Some of this information may permanently ruin your (you, the reader) perception of certain things. None of this information should have ever seen the light of day, and a fair amount of it was never, ever meant to be known by humans.

You cannot unlearn anything on this list. This is your chance to scroll past.

You have been warned.

\/ \/ \/

According to FDA standards, a jar of peanut butter is allowed to have up to seven (7) rat hairs before it’s considered unfit for human consumption. If it has 7 or less rat hairs it will still be sold in stores.

If I just ruined peanut butter for you, don’t google the FDA regulations on any other foods you enjoy.

Human teeth have 36 calories each.

The average human body has roughly 125,000 calories. This is actually relatively low, which makes cannibalism in humans generally unsustainable.

Human meat tastes like pork.

Penguins have been observed practicing necrophilia.

Dolphin vaginas secrete a substance that acts like an aphrodisiac on steroids. When scientists swabbed some of it on a chimpanzee’s penis, it masturbated so furiously that it had a heart attack and died.

Dolphins have been known to intentionally commit suicide if kept in poor conditions.

Scientists that work with cockroaches often become allergic due to exposure. Simultaneously, they also develop an allergy to chocolate and pre-ground coffee. Make of that what you will.

Dolphins have been observed masturbating using decapitated fish heads.

Dolphins have been observed getting high on pufferfish venom recreationally, sometimes even passing a pufferfish around like a joint.

There’s a LOT of rape across the entire animal kingdom. Like, a LOT. It’s especially prevalent in dolphins, otters, ducks, penguins, and primates, to name a few.

On a related note, female ducks have corkscrew shaped vaginas. Male ducks also have corkscrew shaped penises that measure in at a whopping eighteen inches.

The barnacle has the largest penis to body size ratio in the animal kingdom, with its penis being up to eight times as long as its body.

Chimpanzees have been observed using frogs as a fleshlight.

A disembodied human head weighs about 10-12 lbs and is balanced in such a way that requires you to use both hands to pick up.

Pigs will eat every single part of a corpse - including bones. In 2012 a farmer in Oregon was eaten by his pigs after having a heart attack and falling in their enclosure. This also makes pig pens a prime spot for dumping bodies.

A body will decompose faster if you fill the rectal cavity with yogurt before burying it

When burying a body, make sure to bury it in a heavily wooded area. If vegetation is too sparse and/or the body isn’t buried deep enough, it will be easily noticeable after a few months because plants will grow in much thicker directly above where the body was buried.

You cannot bury a body in sand, as sand is too porous. The smell will seep through and give away the location

The entire universe could theoretically exist as a false vacuum and collapse into nothingness at any moment without warning.

Any alien civilization advanced enough to detect life on earth is also probably advanced enough to destroy our entire planet almost immediately. At the peak of interstellar technology, the only limiting factor is the speed of light. If they decided to attack, we probably wouldn’t even know it was coming until the entire surface of the planet was already vaporized.

It takes three and a half rotations to fully detach a human head from its body.

Recently deceased bodies can experience rigor erectus, which translates to “death boner.” This is especially common in victims of hanging, as it’s primarily caused by trauma to the cerebellum or spinal cord.

There is an extremely real chance that you have unknowingly purchased a product that was made by modern day slaves at least once in your life. Coffee, cotton, fish, clothes, shoes, and technology are among the most vulnerable industries.

A decapitated head remains conscious for several seconds after separated from the body.

The entire koala population across Australia is currently undergoing a major chlamydia epidemic. It’s actually been extremely devastating for them and they’re currently facing the threat of extinction because of it.

[yourtoradorasextendedwarranty]

You are not ACAB. You're an asshole

SO this post has been a long time coming and I have sent a rant to several people to look over it for me just so I could get opinions. And most agreed with what I had to say. However it was mean, callous, and too "I'm ok being an shithead" for my taste.

If I am being 100% honest, people hate cops just to hate cops. It's not because there are cops that do wrong. It's just because they are told to/programmed to hate cops. Ok, so why do I say that?

Well a few reasons.

For the past 40 years *minimum* it has been a point of the media to showcase any time a cop does anything bad. Because what better way to "Reach the people" than to assuage them with a "Hello fellow Americans. Doesn't it suck with cops get on our ass about stuff".

Social media has been using bait for years in order to get more traffic to more links and articles. This alone has made rage baiting as an entirety more of an issue.

Because of both of the above, there was a time when alt media *at the time* and social media worked in tandem to constantly show off instances of cops being assholes or outright doing things that were illegal.

So what does this mean. Well it means that you are under a notion that is already provided to you. "Cops are ruthless bad guys that don't do anything for anyone at all".

Except that's not even remotely true. What is true is that often, any positive stories involving cops is buried or glossed over and only ever talked about in very local reports. What's more a cops job is to do the right thing. So when a cop does do the right thing, the understanding is that they are not meant to receive praise. However, that is lopsided in how it works. It more or less means that you are under the LARGEST of microscopes, and if you fuck up at ALL, then you end up as a youtube video that reinforces that "Cops are bad guys" or "Cops are stupid and annoying". Rather than the truth which is that cops themselves are human beings.

Now. I can already see the comment from the shitheads. "ACAB EXISTS BECAUSE-" Shut it. I don't care. Unlike most of you I understand nuance. And more than that, I've had poor run-in's with cops. I have also had to work along side them as private security as well. And my mother, who's not shy about telling people they fucked up, worked as Dispatch and as a Secretary for the PD in the small city we lived in. "Oh well then your brainwashed", you can say that but it does not make you right.

Unlike you, clearly I'm able to think critically about subjects where as you are not. Am I a "Back the Blue" cultist? Absolutely not. I'm solely in the camp of Abolish Unions and hold officers to account for what they do wrong.

However, having said that, Cops duty to uphold the law sometimes manifests in ways that we don't like. Like Uvalde. The cops were in their rights to stop the shooter, but the top brass would have decimated any officer that decided to not follow his order of standing down. I don't think that's ok. Hell that entire chain of command should have faced a lawsuit. But where they DID properly enforce the law, is stopping parents from going in. Because had a parent gone by cops in order to stop the shooter, at that point, it legally could have been considered vigilantism.

Regardless of the moral implications of that, fact is, that's the truth.

So why am I making this post? Mostly because ignorant people exist in this world and their only reason for living at all is just to hate. "All cops are bastards"? Are you so sure? I wonder how many people in the US over the past 100+ years have been saved by cops. I wonder how many kids have been rescued from abuse. I wonder how many women have been saved from rape. I wonder how many kids have been save from gang violence or drug dealing.

Saying, "All cops are bastards" is no different than saying, "Yes all men". Functionally you are saying the same thing. And while you may say, "Hey that's not the same one is an immutable trait and the other is a job", to which I'll say, sure. Except you are making a gross generalization. Which IS the same. And ignores every single decent, good, great cop that exists out there. And every single good cop that has ever existed.

In my last post talking about this, I stated that people that are ACAB don't really hate cops. They just hate that they can't break the law without consequences. And I still believe that, but let me add a bit of nuance to that.

Most of the people that hate cops are programmed to hate cops. Because, like the media does, it picks something that will engage you, and will put it in front of you any way it knows how to. There are also a lot of people out there that hate cops because they can't break the law. That's also very true.

However there is another group that exists and it's Anarchists. Now, I have followers and people that I follow that are Anarchists. And while I view them as different from Tankies, Fundamentally they share the same, "Ideal Utopia" idea. Which is that, "Under my ideals, the world would be better". Except it won't be. It will be warlords and dictators forming groups. Assuming that we don't get taken over by Islamic Extremists, China, or the UN. Their ideals aside, they hate "The State" in all it's forms. And if you are fine with any form of "State" they will quite literally go off on a tirade of why you are a bootlicker. *Sigh*

Now, the last of these groups is just people that either 1) Do not understand what goes into being a cop and just hates them based on baseless notions, or 2) People that have had bad run-in's with cops and take that notion out on ALL cops.

So for these last two sets, things are difficult to deal with. Because they will go out of their way often to not care about how hard it is to be a cop. What do I mean?

Well for starters, cops are expected to be perfect at all times.

Perfect Aim

Perfect knowledge of all laws both federal and local

Perfect judgement at all times

Perfect execution of force at all times

Perfect response at all times

Perfect awareness of surroundings at all times

Perfect ability to listen to the law but also not piss off people breaking the law

And I could go on. Humans are fundamentally imperfect. They always will be. So expecting a cop to be perfect is like asking your SO where they want to eat every day for a month and them knowing right away. Unless you're a LIAR it's not going to happen. Same such, cops can't be perfect. Combine that with having to both uphold the law AND be sure to follow the law at the same time, then combine that with the dangers of the job, the fact that human beings are ANIMALS that are violent by nature, and unpredictable on top of which, with use of force laws. And yeah. You don't have a good time. It becomes a huge issue of people that are like, "Why didn't just just tase him?" or "Why didn't you just shot the gun out of his hand" or better yet, "He only had a knife and was threatening to kill someone. Why'd did you have to shoot him, you are not judge jury and executioner."

And that's where you are both right and wrong.

Right in the fact that they are not a Jury. Wrong about the fact that they are not acting in their capacity to judge a situation, and execute those that are too great a risk to subdue. And if you ever talk to a person that does MMA, subduing a person is not as easy as you think. More over, Tasers are not considered, "non-lethal". In a lot of cases they are considered lethal because you are delivering a shock, meant to incapacitate someone. Meaning that you have the risk of permanently injuring them, OR killing them if their heart stops. Hell you could also in theory turn them into a vegetable.

But sadly no one considers all of these things. And only people familiar with cops and how their jobs work, know any of this.

Am I justifying bad, or even evil cops with this post? No. I think cops fundamentally need more training. I also think that they need frequent psychological evaluations to see the effect of the work on them. Because some of the things you see in your capacity as an officer can be gruesome. Dead bodies. People that have been mutilated. Dead kids from drugs or gang shootings. And the list goes on and on and on.

Recently I made a post talking about how since the summer of 2020, there have been less good cops. And fact is, because of the 2020 riots, a lot of good cops did quit their jobs. That's a fact. Many actually put in for early retirement. And not because "They were being held to account". No. It was because they were told, "If you do your job, we will riot outside your station. Firebomb your cars and homes, and we will find a way to railroad you into prison".

So what do we see in NY and LA? Car break ins. Looting. Beatings in the streets. Cops that will literally stand down while people are being hurt. Why? Because why the hell would anyone be a cop when you are under a microscope SO LARGE, that even the SMALLEST twitch in the wrong direction could end your career and possibly your life.

It's easy to say, "Yeah I'd stop those looters and assaulters". Sure. Right up until the are a protected class. Then enjoy your media crucifixion, loss of work and likely stint in jail. As well as your family getting death threats for years to come. So given all this, I made a point that a lot of hires over the last 3 years have probably been scraping the bottom of the barrel. Because in truth, knowing all the above, why WOULD anyone be a cop? Certainly there are still good cops. But a lot of the good ones quit.

What's more, Now a days it's better as a cop to just NOT enforce the law. Because why risk everything I mentioned. You protect the law and you make the conservatives happy but piss off the woke. And the woke currently more or less control law and media. Good luck getting shanked in jail. If you don't uphold the law, you piss off people who want you to enforce it but you probably get to live another day.

At that point you may say, "OK so why be a cop at all then", and the answer is easy. It's a job. And it pays. Why excel at all when you are expected to be a bastion of perfection? What's that? Didn't use the PERFECT amount of force? Death Penalty. Oh? You shot a guy that pulled a gun on you and you didn't just take the shots to the chest? Well clearly you deserve to be put in jail for the rest of your life.

Cops are treated like they are supposed to be absolutely perfect at all times and it's stupid. I HATE police unions mind you. But you know what I hate more. People that have no idea the risk to their lives that cops are put through day to day just for putting on the badge. The fact that cops NEED wiggle room within the law in order to enforce it.

Remember "Hands up don't shoot"? Yeah. So do I. I also remember that it was a fucking lie, and that there are people to this day that still believe that lie. And if not for Police Unions, he might have rotted in jail for the rest of his life. There is no PEFECT in this life. Not for cops, not for anyone. Cops are not superheroes. They don't swing in on a web shooter and punch the bad guy JUST hard enough to knock him out without killing him. And with morality as fucked up as it is in the west, even just in the US, Law enforcement is in a no win situation. At all times.

But I want to find every person that has ever been saved by cops, and force you to tell those people that all cops are bad. And tell them about how whatever they were saved from doesn't matter because "ALL cops are bad". Tell the women that were possibly saved from rape, "You should have just been raped. Cops are all evil." Or tell the kid that was saved from the person that kidnapped them, "Yeah no, you should have just been a sex slave. Cops are bastards and clearly they didn't WANT to help you". Stop making assessments about ALL of any group of people. Because the likelihood that you'll be right is near zero.

There are good cops. And there are bad cops. Police Unions need heavy reformation. Accountability needs to actually be able to happen. And people need to understand how hard cops actually have it. All of these things can be true at the same time. And none of it is justifying evil or bad cops or even ones that don't enforce the law. It's a nuanced topic. And as such, it should be treated so.

[riding-the-sunset-bird]

It's time for Step 4 Cove's posts, and first up is what choices change his look!

As before, my first post on Step 2 Cove's appearance modifiers will tell you a lot of what you need to know if you haven't already read it, but to summarize:

The things that your MC notices/favors/picks up/focuses on influence Cove's look, though there are some exceptions.

In some cases (though there are none in this step), a choice that changes Cove's appearance may also affect his coldness/warmness as well as his studiousness/sportiness. This is coincidental, so Cove's personality doesn't largely impact his look.

If you want a different Cove without using the Cove Creator, try choosing different aesthetic/taste-based options.

Specific to Step 4, however, there are a few key things to note.

Firstly, similar to Step 3 where some earrings would not be visible on Cove depending on what hairstyle he has, the same applies here. The black stud earrings will not be visible with the fluffy hair and the silver huggie earrings will not be visible with the tied-back hair. Ergo, Cove could be wearing earrings in one of your playthroughs if you have either hairstyle on him, but you just might not see them.

Also, the dark raspberry sleeveless shirt with the white anchor symbol and the yellow shirt with the orange flower pattern hide the silver ring necklace, so that's another thing to keep in mind.

Secondly, and I'll have to rip off the bandage for any poor person who wants their Cove to have a tattoo, but there are no choices that will give Cove a tattoo. It's something you can do only with the Cove Creator, which I imagine may be because one of Cove's tattoos can trigger people's trypophobia.

Third, it appears that the modifiers for Step 4 Cove's pants in Step 3 are not the ones actually used in Step 4. In all of my tests, Cove's pants always defaulted to the tan shorts with the gray trim and blue polka dots. If anyone has any evidence to the contrary, then I can test them out, but it appears that the plan was originally for Cove to have six different pairs of pants rather than four - with two of the pairs having color variation like Step 2 and 3 Cove have - but it was changed by the time Step 4 was made.

Below is what you would get if what I presume to be the original intent was kept in place:

Hang (Cove's Version)

If the MC decides to have a drink:

base flavor

An iced green tea. [Pants #4]

A black tea. [Pants #2]

A milk tea. [Pants #2 (Alternate Color)]

An iced coffee. [Pants #1]

A strawberry smoothie. [Pants #2]

A banana smoothie. [Pants #3]

A mango smoothie. [Pants #4]

A coffee frappe. [Pants #1 (Alternate Color)]

A vanilla milkshake. [Pants #1]

A chocolate milkshake. [Pants #1 (Alternate Color)]

mix ins & toppings

You chose to add whipped cream. [Pants #2 (Alternate Color)]

You chose to add chocolate syrup. [Pants #4]

You chose to add caramel syrup. [Pants #1]

You chose to add boba pearls. [Pants #3]

You chose to add condensed milk. [Pants #2]

-

There are two other types of pants - an alternate color version of both Pants #3 and #4 - but these aren't attached to any choices so they may have been scrapped even earlier.

In addition to this, though this is nothing the player themself needs to worry about, there is unused code in the game for Step 4 Cove's swimming trunks. This may have been for the scene where Cove strips down to his boxers to take a swim in the ocean, though he would've had swimming trunks on instead.

These are the choices that would've changed them:

Boating

If the MC was sick/scared and was brought downstairs by Cove, who asks if they want a drink (if non-Indifferent):

"Water?" [Swimming Trunks #2]

"Juice?" [Swimming Trunks #1]

"Seltzer water?" [Swimming Trunks #2]

"I don't want anything." [Swimming Trunks #1]

"I don't want you to go." [Swimming Trunks #2]

If the MC stepped up to make drinks for the group:

if the MC put only one ingredient in the drink

[Swimming Trunks #1]

if the MC's drink is "berry dominant" (meaning either the drink has two ingredients and all are berry - grape/cranberry/strawberry/mixed berry - juices, or if the drink has more than two but less than six ingredients and more than two are berry juices)

[Swimming Trunks #2]

if the MC's drink is "common" (meaning either the drink has two ingredients and all are common - apple/orange/pineapple/mango - juices, or if the drink has more than two but less than six ingredients and more than two are common juices)

[Swimming Trunks #1]

if the MC's drink is "uncommon/mixed" (meaning either the drink has two ingredients and there is only one or zero each of berry juice and common juice, or if the drink has more than two but less than six ingredients and there are no more than three each of either berry or common juice)

[Swimming Trunks #2]

if the MC's drink has more than five ingredients but less than ten

[Swimming Trunks #1]

if the MC used all the ingredients in the drink

[Swimming Trunks #2]

-

There are additional unused articles of clothing for Step 4 Cove, but these weren't attached to any choices (similar to the two pairs of pants mentioned above): two pajamas shirts and two pairs of pajama pants, as well as two formal shirts.

Cove also has code for a fourth pair of earrings, wristwear (for both wrists), and glasses, the latter two being connected to choices, but the game will simply change it to nothing. Cove's hair doesn't have an extra option exactly, but weirdly there are options to disable all of his hair (this won't give you a bald Cove, but default to the tied-back hair). I wanted to mark these just for the sake of being thorough, so if there's anything that says "[nothing]" rather than "[no change]" then just note that it's because the code is different for those options for the reasons above (so they might be calling for all hair to be disabled, for the fourth wristwear accessory, or fourth pair of glasses).

Keep all that in mind while checking out this list of chances you have to change Cove's look:

Step 3 Intro

After the MC's initial thoughts on Cove having to go away for a while almost every year (if not Indifferent by Step 1/2):

You sent him letters the entire time he was away. [rainbow shapes necklace]

Your moms helped you ship out care packages to him and his mom. [silver ring necklace]

You gave him special treasures to take with him before he left. [no necklace]

You kept an eye on his house for him while he wasn't there. [rainbow shapes necklace]

You were incapable of doing anything until he was back. [silver ring necklace]

If the MC decides that they want further education:

Attend a community college. [slim body type]

Attend a public university. [buff body type]

Go to a private college. [buff body type]

Join a trade school. [slim body type]

Take online classes. [slim body type]

If the MC decides that they want to work:

Find a company to work at. [buff body type]

Work online. [slim body type]

Do contract work. [slim body type]

Start your own business. [buff body type]

If the MC wants to do something that isn't school nor work:

Work on self-improvement on your own. [buff body type]

Take some time just to relax. [slim body type]

Try to figure out what you truly want. [buff body type]

When the MC can decide where they want to go when they move out:

Stay local. [buff body type]

Go to a different part of the state. [slim body type]

Go out of state. [slim body type]

Go abroad. [slim body type]

Travel around to different places. [buff body type]

Hang (Cove's Version)

If the MC decides to have a crepe:

base flavor

Plain. [white stringer shirt with purple pocket]

Strawberry. [blue flowery button-up over a white shirt]

Chocolate. [white stringer shirt with purple pocket]

Green tea. [dark raspberry sleeveless shirt with white anchor symbol]

Lemon. [yellow shirt with orange flower pattern]

fillings & toppings

Whipped cream. [yellow shirt with orange flower pattern]

Condensed milk. [dark raspberry sleeveless shirt with white anchor symbol]

Cream cheese. [white stringer shirt with purple pocket]

Chocolate chips. [blue flowery button-up over a white shirt]

Chocolate syrup. [blue flowery button-up over a white shirt]

Caramel syrup. [dark raspberry sleeveless shirt with white anchor symbol]

Powdered sugar. [white stringer shirt with purple pocket]

Strawberries. [yellow shirt with orange flower pattern]

Mango slices. [dark raspberry sleeveless shirt with white anchor symbol]

Mixed berries. [yellow shirt with orange flower pattern]

Banana slices. [blue flowery button-up over a white shirt]

Errands

When the MC spots a fudge stall at the market:

You got closer to the stall. [no change]

But soon your gaze drifted elsewhere. [sideswept hair]

(following above choice) If the MC chose to approach the fudge stall:

You didn't want to get any. [nothing (this will default to the tied-back hair in Step 4)]

You wanted to get yourself a box. [no change]

You wanted to get a box to share with everyone. [no change]

You wanted to get a box just for Cove. (if non-Indifferent) [no change]

And that was all. [no change]

If the MC chooses to get fudge for anyone:

Milk Chocolate. [sideswept hair]

Dark Chocolate. [middle-parted hair]

White Chocolate. [fluffy hair]

Cookies and Cream. [tied-back hair]

Caramel swirl. [fluffy hair]

Chocolate Peanut butter. [fluffy hair]

Dark Chocolate Mint.

○ (if buying for self/everyone who isn't Cove) [tied-back hair]

○ (if buying for Cove) [no change]

Red Velvet.

○ (if buying for self/everyone who isn't Cove) [middle-parted hair]

○ (if buying for Cove) [no change]

Maple Walnut.

○ (if buying for self/everyone who isn't Cove) [nothing (this will default to the tied-back hair in Step 4)]

○ (if buying for Cove) [no change]

White Chocolate Peppermint.

○ (if buying for self/everyone who isn't Cove) [tied-back hair]

○ (if buying for Cove) [no change]

Chocolate Toffee.

○ (if buying for self/everyone) [middle-parted hair]

○ (if buying for Cove) [no change]

Key Lime.

○ (if buying for self/everyone who isn't Cove) [sideswept hair]

○ (if buying for Cove) [no change]

When the MC can buy groceries:

Apples. [average red glasses]

Oranges. [nothing (this will default to no glasses in Step 4)]

Peaches. [no glasses]

Strawberries. [rounded gray glasses]

Onions. [rectangular brown glasses]

Peppers. [no glasses]

Lettuce. [average red glasses]

Tomatoes. [rounded gray glasses]

Cucumbers. [no glasses]

Carrots. [nothing (this will default to no glasses in Step 4)]

Lemons. [rounded gray glasses]

Limes. [rectangular brown glasses]

Spinach. [average red glasses]

Potatoes. [no glasses]

You didn't get anything. [no glasses]

When the MC can buy honey and/or jam:

Clover Honey. [rectangular brown glasses]

Orange Blossom Honey. [nothing (this will default to no glasses in Step 4)]

Spring Wildflower Honey. [no glasses]

Honey Butter. [average red glasses]

Strawberry Jam. [rounded gray glasses]

Raspberry Jam. [rectangular brown glasses]

Blackberry Jam. [no glasses]

Apricot Jam. [nothing (this will default to no glasses in Step 4)]

Blueberry Jam. [rounded gray glasses]

Plum Jam. [nothing (this will default to no glasses in Step 4)]

Rhubarb Jam. [rectangular brown glasses]

You didn't get anything. [no change]

Talks

[NONE]

Charity

[NONE]

Drive

[NONE]

Reflection

[NONE]

Late Shift

When the MC can order at the fast food place:

A hamburger. (if the MC is not vegetarian, vegan, pescatarian, or pollotarian) [layered blue and maroon bracelets on right wrist]

○ With cheese. [no change]

○ With no cheese. [no change]

A vegan veggieburger. [multiple colored bracelets on right wrist]

A chicken sandwich. (if the MC is not vegetarian, vegan, or pescatarian) [black bracelet on right wrist]

A spicy chicken sandwich. (if the MC is not vegetarian, vegan, or pescatarian) [no change]

French fries. [nothing (this will default to no wristwear on the right wrist in Step 4)]

Onion rings. (if the MC is not vegan) [no change]

A salad. [no wristwear on the right wrist]

Chicken nuggets. (if the MC is not vegetarian, vegan, or pescatarian) [layered blue and maroon bracelets on right wrist]

Jalapeno poppers. [multiple colored bracelets on right wrist]

A soda. [black bracelet on right wrist]

A milkshake. (if the MC is not vegan) [nothing (this will default to no wristwear on the right wrist in Step 4)]

A soft serve sundae. (if the MC is not vegan) [no wristwear on the right wrist]

A chocolate chip cookie. (if the MC is not vegan) [layered blue and maroon bracelets on right wrist]

An apple pie. (if the MC is not vegan) [multiple colored bracelets on right wrist]

Nothing. [no wristwear on the right wrist]

Serendipity

When everyone is discussing their plans for what sweet treat they want:

"A popsicle." [silver huggie earrings]

"An ice cream cone." [black stud & silver huggie earrings]

"An ice cream sandwich, too." [black stud earrings]

Boating

[NONE]

Happiness

If the MC decided to make food for Cove (if Shopping happened, Growing happened, or the MC bought fudge for Cove in Errands):

You chose to bake cinnamon rolls. (if Shopping happened) [nothing (this will default to no wristwear on the left wrist in Step 4)]

You were going to make banana, peanut butter, and honey sandwiches. (if Growing happened) [pale yellow watch on the left wrist]

You'd make him homemade fudge. (if the MC bought fudge for Cove in Errands) [ridged slate gray bracelet on the left wrist]

If the MC decided to get food for Cove that didn't require preparation:

(if Drive happened) [thick brown and tan bracelet with white helm on the left wrist]

(if Drive did not happen) [no wristwear on the left wrist]

Step 3 Ending

If the MC chose to make jewelry with Lee and the others:

"I wanna find some sea glass too." [nothing (this will default to no wristwear on the left wrist in Step 4)]

"I'm gonna hunt for a handful of shells to pick from." [pale yellow watch on the left wrist]

"I'm gonna look for some driftwood." [ridged slate gray bracelet on the left wrist]

"I wanna use some stones." [thick brown and tan bracelet with white helm on the left wrist]

"I'll just wait and see. I don't have a plan." [no wristwear on the left wrist]

-

Aaaand that's everything! It's really a shame about Cove's tattoos and pants, and I can't help being curious about the potential unused content (there aren't image files or anything for them, unfortunately), but I hope this helped anyway!

[bananasfosterparent]

I definitely think there are more AA enjoyers out there (including some Spawn fans who claim otherwise, remember how many of them were salivating over AA's sex scene in the beginning but now they're all saying they actually hate it because he's dissociating in it) but the thing is AA fans have become the fandom's punching bag which makes it really difficult for a lot of people to publicly come out as liking this route without potentially being called delusional, told that you may end up being abused irl and other crap like this because how can you not see his toxic and abusive behavior. It also doesn't help that even one of the writers who worked on his character claimed that players who chose this route only saw him as a sex object lmao

I know there are spawn fans who like AA because every time I see AA romance scene posts in places like OnlyFangs and the Astarion facebook groups I'm in, I ALWAYS see comments like "I can't ascend him but this is so hot!!" or "thank you for posting this! I'd never do this to pookie, but I have to admit this is got me🥵🥵🥵" or panty dropping gifs and things like that. So they can thirst after AA (but we are the only ones sexualizing him, remember!), yet simultaneously talk about how much they hate that version of him. It really makes no sense. Just enjoy all of Astarion! No guilt, excuses, disclaimers, or abuse required!

It's really unfortunate. I understand why some AA fans keep quiet in the fandom. There are a few people in one of the AA discords I'm in, who are only active in that discord and nowhere else in the fandom because theyre just tired/afraid of the negativity. That's ridiculous to me! The fact that people literally can't even comfortably just exist in the fandom without the fear of being bullied for NOTHING.

I have been told I'm "romanticizing abuse" directly and indirectly more times than I can count and it doesn't get better with frequency. And when you factor in that many AA fans ourselves have had experiences with abuse and trauma, it's just such a poor taste statement that literally has 0 ground. I mean, if any romanticizing of abuse were happening, wouldn't it be Larian doing it anyway? Aren't they the ones allowing the romance to continue after ascension with positive dialog choices, and sharing the AA kisses on Valentine's Day posts? Why not come after them instead of fans? If the relationship between AA and his Consort was "written to be abusive" then shouldn't Larian write that so clearly that literally no one can argue about it and there is no doubt in anyone's mind? So why then, is that not shown in the game? And why come after the people interpreting the story differently instead of the company for not making the story's message so airtight, it can't be argued?

Hint: because it's not written to canonly be an abusive relationship, that wasn't Larian's intention and nor should it be. The intention was to create an evil romance route and that's exactly what it is. Anything outside of that is up to YOU.

I think that's where the superiority complex steps in though. That whole "you AA fans just aren't media literate and clever enough to understand the deep, meta meaning of this cautionary abuse tale!" thing.

It also feels like an underlying misogyny thing too. A majority of Astarion fans in general are women and AFAB people. I see spawn fans always calling us "AA girlies" and I never see the reverse. And when it comes to AA fans, it feels a lot like a "let's save/educate the poor naive girls from themselves and their foolishness." When many AA fans aren't even female and certainly aren't naive or young impressionable people looking to have a real life AA.

As for the Co-Writer Who Will Not Be Named... that whole situation is a perfect example of someone abusing their position/influence. They knew players would take their word as law, without actually thinking about it in the context of it being a rolepaying game. So their opinion and agenda is taken as a canon fact when they only did minimal writing AND they can't speak for anyone else's Tav/Durge but their own.

Saying "When Tav ascends Astarion, it means they only see him as a sexual object." is just like saying "Tav keeps Astarion a spawn because they want control over him." Can you roleplay both of those things? ABSOLUTELY. But for most Spawn fans, I'm sure that is NOT why your Tav did it, especially if they're romancing him.

What Welch said is exactly the same type of statement. Their position and professional contribution to the game holds no water in context of their statement being universally applied to all Tavs and Durges that ascend Astarion. It may be how they see it, it may be the impression they tried to get the dialog to convey, but it's all up to each individual player how it's interpreted.

[malevolentcast]

you probably already know about this but an articles been put out about rusty quills shitty business practices and general shady behavior. if you havent already, you might be getting messages about it soon. just wanted to send a heads up in advance

Yes I saw and read it.

I'm choosing to believe the motivations of those involved, in spite the poor optics of them being from another network (and even quoting what "they" pay as an example of "good" companies), were an attempt to be morally just. That is to say, I have no ill will towards the author, their editors and everyone who contributed.

To be clear; if Rusty Quill has treated employees poorly they should be held accountable, I say if not as a way to not believe those affected but because "alleged" is used more than a dozen times in the article.

Additionally, no employer should ever yell at an employee. Again, if that happened, they should apologize and do better.

That being said…

I don't appreciate articles speaking on behalf of me or, frankly, trying to rope me in without my consent or request. I recognize they weren't attempting to give me a voice, just those who are affected, however the author has only now allowed shows to reach out, after the damage has been done and chose to speak for me nonetheless. Additionally, the article says that if I remain silent, it's because I can't speak out - which is just nonsense.

From my experience; I've had nothing but great experiences with Rusty Quill. They're a network. They host my show. What else do I need them for? Contracts, NDA's and all the legal aspects that the article seemed to make such a big deal about… are very normal. I think this is part of not understanding how large companies work.

For example; I saw tweets upset that people shouldn't have to sign an NDA to look over a sample contract which… is exactly what you do when you're looking over a sample contract.

I was a General Manager of a small rental company for 10 years prior to trying my hand at Audio work and renting a water cooler had more stipulations than RQ's agreement. Contracts are meant to be all encompassing. If you don't agree with stuff, you cross it out and ask it to be changed. If you’re upset at the way large companies work, your fight is misdirected with addressing just one company. The article also mentioned something about "Taking Money Upfront" and stuff like that, which failed to mention you don’t HAVE to take money upfront - furthermore - most shows on RQ did not do that.

In any case, this isn't meant to be a dismantling of the article. I don't want to invalidate anyone's experiences or frustrations. Who knows what more may come to light, all I can speak of are my experiences and frustrations.

So why I'm frustrated? Well, I saw a few tweets and posts boycotting RQ shows, which included mine. So that sucked.

Overall however, I think the article was done in poor taste and felt like virtue signaling more than something trying to be helpful. I think, personally - and I say this with all the genuine sincerity - it seemed written from a perspective of inexperience and naivete. It is not the Watergate scandal people think it is.

And for the people who are upset that "peoples lives were ruined" when they were let go… yes I'm sorry people lost their jobs. I lost the aforementioned GM position as well when the owner of the company sold the company out from under me. Not because I did a bad job or because I made a mistake, just bad luck. It sucked, sometimes people lose their jobs. That doesn't mean I can't have an opinion on what I feel is an article meant to stir the pot. After all, shouldn't I express my perspective as a show on RQ (which, like, isn't that what the article was meant to be about?).

Anyway, those are my thoughts. For what it's worth I think you should still read the article! It has some great thoughts…

…but with all things, read it with an informed opinion; remembering that it was written by the Director of Marketing for another Podcast network, who references their own network within their "expose" as an example of a network with "good practices", during a time that they're recruiting for new shows and that every single show on that Network has openly supported the article - retweeting it almost instantly, during the final days of their competitors successful Kickstarter.

The disclaimer on the article about the Authors association with F&F wasn't put until AFTER they were called out. Odd that an expose on uncovering the truth would be less than transparent when posting…

[lou-struck]

Angelic Insecurities

Simeon x reader

~ Your Angel may have had a bit too much Demonus at dinner time.

a/n: Two Simeon posts in 24 hours... I guess I like him a lot.

It's Solomon's fault, really…

Before the meal at the Demon Lord's castle was served, the Sorcerer proudly announced that he had helped in the cooking process of a specific dish. The chatter in the room dissipated, and everyone stared at him in fearful silence, for tonight was the night of a hundred dishes.

This idea was cooked up by Barbatos months ago, But it took just as long to grow, gather, and prepare all the ingredients for the bite-sized dishes from the Human, Demon, and Celestial Realms. The Butler had stretched himself thin in preparation for this event, and everyone knew it. 

Diavolo broke the silence, first placing a large hand on the Sorcerer's shoulder and beaming down on his with his usual Princely grin. "Well, I suppose we all thank you for your assistance, Solomon. Do you remember which dish you improved?"

He gives his head of white hair a shake, "No, not at all. I guess we shall see if we can find it?"

"We shall see," the demon says, giving him a pat on his shoulder before turning his attention to the rest of the party. "Come, everyone, let's take our seats. The feast is about to begin."

You watch as Lucifer leads his brothers into the room, shutting the door and glancing back at the Butler. His normally calm features are furrowed with concern as he scurries into the kitchen to no doubt try and find the tainted dish.

"Poor Barbatos," you murmur as Simeon's hands wrap around you from behind. "He has worked so hard on this dinner."

"The rest of the meal will be wonderful, don't worry, Mc, "his soothing voice whispers into the shell of your ear. "Are you afraid?"

"Maybe a little bit," you laugh, turning your head towards the Angel. "Solomon's cooking scares me."

He lets out an airy chuckle before pressing his lips to your forehead. "Don't worry. As your guardian angel, I have sworn to protect you from all the evils the realms have to offer; if I eat it before you do, I'll be sure to let you know."

His hand comes to rest comfortably on the small of your back as he escorts you into the dining room, where the first course of bite-sized dishes were being brought in by the attending lesser demons.

The table is quiet as you approach, and everyone is on high alert, using their inhuman senses to try and discern what beautifully prepared dish had been poisoned by Solomon's interference as they lie upon the pristine tablecloth.

If this were a normal meal, Beel would've already begun chowing down, but you can see that even the Avatar of Gluttony was apprehensive.

The array of multicolored eyes flicks over to the kitchen door waiting for the Butler to come back into the room, hoping that he had sniffed out the dish. 

If Simeon wasn't still holding your hand, you are such you would've picked your nails down to nubs in anxious anticipation.

After far too long for your liking, a Dejected looking Barbatos comes back into the room. The polite smile that adorns his mouth tells you all you need to know.

He couldn't find the ruined dish.

As he takes his seat, the demon lord clears his throat and puts a merry mask on his face. "Now that we are all here, let the feast begin."

~

Every bite was like a game of Russian Roulette.

Each time you raised your little spoonful, you waited for the heavenly taste of fine dining to turn sour in your mouth; every time, it never did. A part of you just wants to find the damn dish so you can enjoy the rest of your meal and peace. You look around at everyone else and see they are faring just the same.

In order to keep his angelic smile plastered to his face, Simeon turned his attention to the seemingly never-ending fountain of demonus.

The handsome Angel's cheeks become more and more flushed as the night continues. 

"Psst, Mc," he whispers, trying to lean in closer to you; the shift of weight in the chair makes the legs wobble, and he almost falls on top of you. But he is a bit too drunk to notice.

"Yes?" you ask, giving the Angel a sweet smile, 

"I think I've had a bit too much to drink," he chuckles lowly, swaying back and forth in his seat. "Do you think anyone has noticed?"

"I don't think so," you say, gently cupping his face. "Are you feeling sick at all?"

He shakes his head, leaning more into your touch. "No, no, it's just that I'd hate to embarrass myself like this." He glances from side to side suspiciously before lowering his voice even more. "Don't tell anyone, but I'm an Angel."

You stifle the laughter that threatens to come out with your hand and look at him tenderly, "I won't tell anyone," you say softly, playing along with his silly mood.

His blue eyes shine with adoration as he looks at you. "I knew I could trust you," he murmurs sincerely. His attention is fleeting, however, and he becomes captivated by the next round of dishes that are laid before him.

The rest of the evening is pleasant, and the delicious taste of Barbatos's cooking has almost completely wiped the threat of danger from everyone's minds. The brother's lively bickering and Diavolo's booming laughter bounces off the table; even Barbatos looks pleased with how the evening is turning out.

Simeon, still very intoxicated, has taken to sneakily trying to hold your hand under the table without anyone knowing. Shooting your loving grins and trying to feed you bits of his food.

"Open up, my love," he slurs, holding up a spoonful of dessert for you to try. "This tastes wonderful."

You hear a clinging of silverware and see Asmodeus and Mammon staring between you and Simeon. A look of jealousy resides on their handsome faces.

"Oi, what are ya doin feedin my human like that?" Mammon says, getting to his feet.

"Yeah, if anyone is feeding MC, it's going to be me." Asmo winks at you before crossing his arms in displeasure at the Angel.

You glance at the end of the table and see Lucifer crossing his arms, getting ready to interrupt his brothers. But before he can do that, A loud sound of silverware cluttering against porcelain breaks the tension. And poor Luke's coughing fills the room.

"I found it," he says as little tears pool in his eyes. The little Angels fair skin looks sickly green as he gets to his little legs and rushes to the Bathroom.

"Oh dear," Barbatos says, getting to his feet and following behind the poor guy to help him out. "Please excuse me," 

The table is quiet, and the ruined dessert has been discovered at last. "It seems that this variation of celestial sponge cake was what upset Luke's stomach," Satan says, looking at the greeish tint of the cake's fluffy icing.

"Poor little guy," Beel says, helping himself to the remainder of Luke's plate since he will no doubt be tapping out of the rest of the festivities.

"That's peculiar," Solomon says, resting his hand on his chin, "Luke must be allergic to Zombie Iguana scales."

The table falls under another heavy silence as they stare at the Sorcerer in shock. 

"Was that what you put into the cake Solomon?" you ask politely.

"Ahh, yes," he says, his eyes lighting up. "I read somewhere that they can help with the setting process in creams, so I thought it would be of help to Barbatos if I used them in the batter."

You nod politely, wondering if the little Angel will ever be able to eat sponge cake again after this little incident. 

~

An hour after the conclusion of the feast, poor Luke is still emptying the contents of his stomach in the restroom. On his way to find his little Angel friend, Simon had found himself lost in the large hallway for a long while. This prompted Barbatos to suggest that both Angels stay the night at the palace so that they can recover from the festivities.

"Mc," Lucifer calls, holding out a hand to you, "Shall we go?"

You shake your head and give him a smile, "I think I will stay a bit longer and help out."

He looks a bit disappointed but acknowledges your choice. "I see; well, if you want someone to escort you home, give me a call," he says, gesturing his brothers out the door and into the night.

"Mc, could you help Simeon to his room?" Barbatos asks, gesturing over to the chaise where the Angel is currently resting.

You nod and approach him; even when plastered and sprawled out on the furniture, he is still one of the most beautiful beings you have ever seen in your life.

His eyes open sleepily, and he gives you a tipsy smile. "Mc, I wassh just dreaming about youuu." he slurs, holding his arms to you.

"Really?" you say, helping him to his feet.

"Yesh," he says dreamily. "We went on a date under the stars, but everything was underwater, and we kis~"

You stifle a laugh at his antics, "You're drunk, Simeon," you say. "Let's get you to you to your room."

He smiles and mumbles something incoherent as you guide him down the hall to the spare room the Butler has prepared for him.

As the two of you walk into the room, Simeon's giggles turn into hiccups.

"Are you okay?" you ask, allowing him to flop down on the plush mattress.

He nods and looks up at you sweetly, a deep blush on his cheeks. "Will you stay? I don't want to be alone right now."

You find it near impossible to deny him when he looks at you like this. "I'll stay," you say softly.

"I wish you could stay with me forever," he says earnestly. "I wish we were closer than this."

You feel tightness in his chest as he retakes your hand, kissing the skin tenderly. "We are close, Simeon." you say, "You know I love you."

"And I love you so, so much. I don't know what I would do without you," he says, tears lining his light blue eyes. "Please, mc. Make a pact with me. I want to be yours and yours alone."

"Oh, Simeon," you sigh, rubbing some soothing circles into the tipsy Angel's back to calm him down a bit. "I can't do that; you are an Angel; you don't make pacts with Humans."

He furrows his brow a bit as your words wash over him. "Oh, I suppose you are right," he says at last. "Then, promise me this then. No matter what, keep me in your heart."

You giggle and give him a soft kiss on the forehead in response. "You don't even have to ask."

[tul1pmania]

Help me leave

Hi everyone. I’ve never had a Tumblr before but a friend suggested this to me. I’m trying to escape an abusive, controlling marriage. I’m disabled, trans, and a wheelchair user. The house I’m in now isn’t accessible, and for the most part I’m trapped on the top floor. The space in my photo is the first taste of freedom I’ve had in years - a shelf and desk that were all mine! Next step: an apartment that’s truly all mine. I’ve already done the hardest part, I signed the lease for a new apartment and paid my security deposit! But I still need help. I need to repair my wheelchair, get my cats vaccinated, buy food for the new place, transfer my internet service, rent a uhaul and buy boxes. I’m hoping to raise at least $500 more before Friday the 4th, but every little bit helps. If you got this far, thank you so much already. Truly. Saying these things out loud is still hard for me, and I appreciate your time.

The best place is my cashapp: $tul1pmania (https://cash.app/$tul1pmania)

I’ve been working towards escaping for a while, but my timeline has been sped up by my health taking a nosedive. As you can imagine, my poor health and mobility limitations have made it easier to control me and makes it harder for me to leave. The house has also been kept in a state that makes the entire thing inaccessible - things arranged so the pathways too narrow for my wheelchair or a walker even if I could get downstairs. I can’t get myself food or do my own laundry here, which means many days I go hungry or rewear the same clothes for days at a time. I have gone weeks without showering because I am not given access to a clean towel or my shower chair will be made unusable. This has all meant my health has worsened significantly when it might not have otherwise. I’m lucky to have generous and supportive friends who have been there for me throughout this journey and who are dropping everything to help me get out. 

I will post updates here as I have them! My move date is Friday August 4th. Once I move my spouse will likely decide to back out of contributing to past bills that are in my name, and I’ll be able to make an inventory of what I need to replace, so I may post more specific asks for those things at a later date.

[abysswalkersknight]

Got some more Bat Lilia!!!!! this was inspired by @llondonfog's post and watching videos of bats eating fruits in their little fluffy burritos, for some reason they always look angry while eating but in the cutest way possible.

Anyways it may be a bit muddled but hopefully still good, enjoy!

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Oh, look how far you have fallen, laments Lilia Vanrouge as he struggles in his cosy confines, above him the puny human child giggles and once again offers him the banana he benignantly refused earlier (squeaking vulgar insults and curses that the child obviously couldn’t understand) ‘now, now Mr Bat you can’t heal on an empty stomach.’ The silver haired baby chided him, lightly tapping him on the nose, if I were not trapped in this meagre form child I swear I'll… a loud growl echoed throughout the room, Lilia's aggressive squeaks quickly simpered when he realised that the sound came from his own stomach, why stomach? Why?

He was a feared general. Both humans and fae tremble at the mere mention of his name, all he’d need to do is glare at a man to have him crumbling to his knees mewling apologies and begging for his life. Yet here he is, trapped in bat form, bunched up in a fluffy pink wrap and being fed to by this bubbling human brat. And none, none of his intimidation tactics were working on his caretaker, instead of cowering like he was meant to, the child simply giggles and continues trying to feed him that wretched yellow, mushy stuff!

‘Get that away from me you lowly being!’ he squeaked angrily, flapping his wings in an attempt to free them from his prison of fluff. 

The boy could have poisoned the fruit! He probably knows what he is and is trying to take him out while he's injured and trapped in this form! In his brutal fight with the blanket Lilia hadn't noticed the fruit coming closer until the moment he flung his head around and had his mouth stuffed with an excessive amount of banana 'see, isn't it good?' The child chirped, happily watching as Lilia struggled with his mouthful of mushy fruit. 

As he packed the banana in his cheeks to chew better Lilia absently thought back to the time Malenor challenged him to see how many rats he could stuff in his mouth (three so far) even though the banana was much softer his jaw still aches slightly as he chewed, curse this little brat, I… 

oh wait.

He chewed a little slower, savouring the taste, this is actually pretty good. Give me more kid, give me more! 

The child seemed to understand Lilia’s incessant squeaking as he gladly offered more fruit and was surprised with his new bat friend’s change in attitude. It had been rather cold and windy when Silver ventured outside after a terrible storm had passed the night before, as usual his uncle had left him home alone so all he could do was check up on all his animal friends to make sure they had made it out of the storm safe. It was then the little boy came upon a strange looking bat, drenched and thoroughly conked out. Poor Silver nearly had a heart attack when he saw streaks of red on the bat but on further inspection the red seemed to be some weird type of dye or something. After carefully wrapping the injured bat in his cloak, Silver hurried back home to the cabin in the middle of the woods where he and his uncle lived. Once again his uncle wasn't home so no one was there to see Silver crash through the door and rush up the stairs toward his room, surprisingly the bat hadn't stirred at all during all the bumping around. Which brings them three days to now, where Lilia had suddenly woken up in his pink prison, weird stuff on his wing and having fruit shoved in his face. At least he now realises that banana tastes good.

A week passes and now Lilia’s wing is all better, he could’ve flown off and be back to Briar Valley by now (the boy called Silver had released him the morning he was healed) but something would always call him back the next day, and it wasn’t the bananas the boy somehow always had ready whenever Lilia decided to reveal himself, right now he was perched upside down on a branch right outside the boy’s window observing as Silver did his daily chores, his cheerful whistling echoes throughout the empty house which builds a sense of unease in the fae. Lilia doesn’t know much about humans but even then he could tell that Silver was quite young, about eight or nine, that’s far too young to leave a child alone for this long. Lilia’s seen the uncle return only once that whole week only for the brute leave just as quick as he came, not even giving a word of acknowledgement toward the sweet child, the fae may have been repulsed at the sight of children a few centuries ago but after raising the young prince he has discovered what wonders a child could bring, he had revelled in the knowledge that he had been granted the chance to care for Malenoa and Leven’s child and it disgusted him to see this lowly human disregard the little treasure before him, yes, Lilia will admit that he’s grown quite attached to the boy in the short time they’ve been together. Which is why his snout curls into a wicked grin as he sees Silver frown at the front door for the fifth time. 

Soon his carefully planned scheme will soon come to light.

Afterall how could he just let his sweet, adorable saviour go without repaying him?

A few months later

‘Uh, general?’ Baul starts, unsure of how to phrase the sight before him.

‘Yes, Baul?’ Lilia breaks off a piece of banana to give to the tiny human resting in his lap before stuffing the rest of it in his mouth, he shoots his second in command a glare, throwing the peel in a growing pile and daring the fae to question him. Baul gulps.

‘Nevermind sir.’

[triptychgrip]

New fic: Yuuri vs. Yuri on Hot Ones Versus 🔥🔥🔥

Yura loudly exhaled then sat up straight. 

“Ok, so back in February 2017, there was a local hockey team that began renting the ice for the slot right after this geezer would “coach” his then-fiance,” he began, jerking his head in Viktor’s direction and making a big show of his air quotes. “Notice I used air quotes because 90 percent of the time he was flirting and hanging all over him and it was the most loose definition of coaching possible.”

Kenjirou gave a hysterical sort of giggle and then immediately clapped a hand over his mouth. Feeling slightly defensive of his husband, Yuuri didn’t even have to think much about the words that left his lips.

“Vitya’s unorthodox methods worked, though, didn’t they?” he chimed in, not bothering to tone down his smugness. “Remind me, Yura: who was the gold medalist at the 2017 World Figure Skating Championships, again?”

Viktor and Aasha barked delighted-sounding laughs and out of the corner of his eye, Yuuri saw Mila whip her phone out. Presumably, to capture the flush that had begun to stain his opponent’s cheeks.

“Yeah, well…anyway,” Yura resumed in a grumble, doing a pretty poor job of masking his flusteredness. “Most of the players– ”

“It was Yuuri-senpai! Yuuri-senpai was the 2017 World’s title holder!” Kenjirou interrupted in a shout, very unnecessarily. 

Yuuri bit his lip to suppress the mirth bubbling up within him and made a concerted effort not to look over at Viktor.

“As I was saying!” the Ice Tiger huffed, shooting him a nasty look, as if he could read his mind. “Most of the players kept to themselves, and other than some very questionable tastes in cologne that we were subjected to in the break room and locker room, they were fine to be around. But then there was the team captain, Sergei…who just straight up sucked.”

Yuuri decided to adopt a neutral expression.

While he hadn’t been the biggest fan of Sergei, he’d also never known what to make of his love’s opinion that the man had had a crush on him. It was true that Sergei had sought him out for conversation more than a lot of Yubileyny’s other skaters, but he’d chalked this up to the fact that at that point, he had still been extremely new to Russia in general, and had probably seemed starved for friendly faces. 

And, if Madame Baranovskaya had shot laser beams out of her eyes whenever she was in Sergei’s general vicinity, Yuuri had suspected this was due to her distaste for hockey, and not anything to do with a sense of protectiveness over him.

“There aren’t enough hours in the day for me to explain all the assorted means of suckage, but it was sometime in May that I snapped,” Yura continued on, looking impressively impassive. “Sergei had the most douchey hairstyle by the way…this platinum blonde, dyed sort of swoopy-thing that was his entire personality, to the point he never stopped talking about it.”

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The above excerpt is from my newly uploaded fic (which I teased in this post), detailing Yuuri and Yurio facing off against one another on Hot Ones Versus. Taking place during the 2021 off-season, the two of them are currently the top two seeded skaters in the world, and their rivalry is heightened by the fact that they are both Viktor's students.

Just like my Vanity Fair Lie Detector fic, I had such a blast writing this, and am really excited to work on the final chapter, which will be from Yurio and Viktor's points of view. (Mila and Kenjirou also have large roles in this story, as they have tagged along for the episode filming for moral support, LOL).

If you read this WIP and enjoy it, PLEASE tell me what you think; I love receiving comments!

🔥 You can read Chapter 1, here 🔥

Oh, and as I mention in the pre-notes, this story marks my 20th Yuri!!! on Ice fic. Maybe it's about time I made a pinned post, lol...