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sound-noir · 4 years ago

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will you love me just the same? - a fanmix

Inspired by the series of the same name by the impeccable @whatever-you-can-give-me, a playlist about searching for purpose in the wake of life-shattering change, and also about queer bugs. The fact that this playlist is being published on the first day of Hanukkah is definitely a coincidence. (/joke)

Since Tumblr is a functional website, links will be in the notes!

Tracklist below the cut:

Blame // Air Traffic Controller

There goes my luck There goes my pride There goes everything that I’ve been working for all of my life

There goes that dream And so it seems There goes the days and nights awakened fighting thoughts of losing

The Perfect Fit // The Dresden Dolls

Can't you just fix it for me? It's gone berserk Oh fuck, I'll give you anything if You can make the damn thing work

Can't you just fix it for me? I'll pay you well Oh, fuck I'll pay you anything If you can end this Hello, I love you, won't you tell me your name? Hello, I'm good for nothing—will you love me just the same?

Hungover in the City of Dust // Autoheart

Insolent and out of character We’ve changed so much I barely recognize our formative lives Hidden deep, deep, deep underground And they won’t come back They won’t come back no more

Dear Fellow Traveller // Sea Wolf

Dear fellow traveler under the moon I think I'm growing weary and I'm hoping you'll come soon And if I see you in clean new clothes I hope you hold the mirror up to show me what I chose

Oleander // Mother Mother

You stood beside Me while I Was out of my mind I broke the glass And you were there To sweep it aside

And if you leave me Rest assured, it would kill me

A Deer Mistaking Candles For Headlights // Crywank

Oh, I see the many versions of me that I perform Moulded to suit I know the real me just convolutes

You see who I am and that scares me You see who I am and that's scary

Home To Me // Devil and the Deep Blue Sea

Oh, I can see you somewhere up the road There's a weight you carry you're trying to let go And you know that if I could I would take it all away from you

How dare you love me like you've never known fear When you've got more troubles than minutes in the year

Curses // The Crane Wives

Oh ashes, ashes, dust to dust Tell me I am good enough Lay my curses all to rest Make a mercy out of me

In Our Bedroom After The War // Stars

We won or we think we did When you went away you were just a kid And if you lost it all and you lost it Well, we'll still be there when your war is over

Lift your head and look out the window Stay that way for the rest of the day and watch the time go Listen, the birds sing Listen, the bells ring All the living are dead and the dead are all living The war is over, we are beginning

Those Who Carried On // Ghost and Pals

So after all these years They remained a form of art 'Cause they had problems from the start Though they acted on a dare There's nothing stopping them So beware These are people too fearless to die out

Revolution Lover // Left at London

You know, I know that your hope's been missin' I know we both coulda almost died I know it's harder everyday to provide But it's gonna change, I can feel it comin' And when it's here, we’ll be side-by-side I know we'll make it out of this one alive

Parrot // Stepdad

When I'm not in my right mind I like attention all on me Sometimes I get obnoxious, my ego gets the best of me

I've said a fair share of stupid things that I can't hide My wonderful friends just roll their eyes, stay by my side

The Draw // Bastille

Are you drifting way beyond what's normal? 'Cause 'round your mind rings the words that they would say? When you go home everything looks different And you're scared of being left behind

Just listen to your friends Trust in that fair look in their eyes Just listen to your friends They only care and hope you're alright

Hug All Ur Friends // Cavetown

I don’t care about what people think of me I’m fucked up as it is but we’ve got so much time to kill And so many things to see

Life’s too short to worry about things that we got wrong So hug all your friends and let them know You’re not letting go

#hollow knight #fanmix #quirreltiso #ship playlist #idek what to put for the fifth tag lmao #anyways chag sameach to anyone who celebrates!#read this fic about the Jant (Jewish Ant)

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em-be-lievable · 6 years ago

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Split-Brained

A/N: Aight, I know this isn’t what y’all wanted but in light of recent events I’ve found myself getting triggered and wanting to vent with Patton to cope. Thank @virge-of-a-breakdown for inspiring me to purge my feelings in fic form (also if you haven’t read their fic ‘The Invisible Language’ you really should because it’s great 10/10 would recommend not reading this self-indulgent garbage and reading that instead kkkkkkkk) No explanations, we project our problems on our favorite characters like men.

(Song pairings for this fic are: Girl Anachronism by the Dresden Dolls, Flagpole Sitta by Harvey Danger, and We Know Where You Sleep by the Paper Chase)

Words: 3255

Warnings: mentions of psychosis, disorganized speech, memory loss, visionary/auditory hallucinations, paranoia, mentions of hospitalization, mentions of medication, mentions of gaslighting and abuse, kinda sympathetic deceit (If you count making him a dog being sympathetic- Deceit has become my own personal meme guys, I’m sorry.)

Ships: LAMP/CALM (Because you should know by now if I can shoehorn in a healthy, supportive, polyamorous relationship I 100% will)

Summary: Patton was ‘Split-brained.’ If people were computers, then he would be a pc still running with windows 98, dial-up internet. It wasn’t bad, but it was something he had to live with every moment of every day.

Recovery was a game of chance. He could go into a psychosis tomorrow, and never get out of it, or he could wake up a week from now and never have another symptom again. Medication kept him functioning, and therapy helped him deal with the worst of it. But both could only do so much with the chemical war in his brain. That was just the volatile way life was for him, and he had long since learned what to avoid and how to make the best of living day-to-day

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Waking up in the morning always had to be the hardest part of the day for Patton. Getting to sleep was tricky in its own right, but it didn’t compare to the struggles that were coming back into consciousness. Morning was when his mind was the loudest.

Remy was actually the one to wake him up. The black and tan german shepherd barking, and nosing him until he came to. He couldn’t even be mad at the dog- after all this was a service Remy had been task trained to do. It wasn’t the puppo’s fault that auditory hallucinations of his phone alarm kept waking him up until 4am (eventually rendering him immune to the very real sound of his actual phone alarm now in the daylight hours. He’d have to change it again.)

“Danger. Don’t leave. Not safe. Stay. We’re not alone. We’re in danger. Don’t leave. Don’t move-”

Prying himself from the warm cocoon of soft blankets, Patton pet and praised the dog for performing his task, before getting up and sleepily stumbling to the bathroom. Once he was in there his eyes darted to the vibrant pill case one of his boyfriends, Roman, lovingly decorated for him. It was Logan’s suggestion, having the case be brightly colored, and in plain sight on the counter would make it easier for Patton to remember to take his medication- and Ro was all too eager to support his partner however he could.

Pat was grateful for his three, wonderful partners- but he couldn’t shake the intrusive thought of him being a burden on them. They did so much to help him out- Logan leaving him little reminder notes, and checklists all over their shared apartment, Virgil constantly responding to frantic phone calls and texts to give reality checks, and Roman always taking breaks from work to take Patton to therapy, and appointments with his psychiatrist (going alone gave him a lot of anxiety.) And despite their constant reassurance that they wanted to be there for him, he couldn’t help but let the negative thoughts creep up into the back of his mind.

He looked down at the multicolored tablets in his hand. “Poison. Don’t take it. It’s poison. They’re trying to change you. These are going to kill you. They’ll just turn you into a zombie. Don’t trust it. Poison-”

Sipping on a glass of water, he popped the pills in his mouth and swallowed before they could reach his tongue. The whispers were on a tirade again, but it had been a long time since he stopped really listening to their opinions on medication. He couldn’t always tune out, or ignore what they were saying; but he was getting better at managing his responses to it.

The voices weren’t always scary, sometimes they were just odd. Most of the time they just echoed thoughts he had. As Pat stepped in the shower there was an chorus of “Water. Warm. Shower. Water. Hot water. Soap. Shower. Warm-” that eventually cascaded into white noise. Before he started taking his antipsychotic medication they would talk to him, or amongst themselves and it would get so loud he couldn’t hear his boyfriends shouting directly into his ear. There also used to be more ‘types’ of voices too. Some he’d hear like people were speaking next to him, others were more like thoughts that didn’t have his voice or would have really weird accents. Then there were the really bizarre ones that felt like a tingling in the back of his head. He couldn’t ever make out what they were saying but he could always tell if they were mean or angry.

But, if he was being honest, auditory hallucinations were the least troublesome part of his mental illness. When he was first getting diagnosed they were terrifying- but now they were just annoying. Just a low thrum softly filling his head as he got out of the shower, got dressed, and began the trek downstairs to the kitchen.

If he had to pick the most troublesome part of his disorder, it’d be the stuff that you never saw portrayed in media. Hallucinations were just the tip of the iceberg- and out of every movie about a person like him he never saw the part where they addressed the other stuff. Things like memory loss, fractured thinking, compulsive behavior, or disorganized speech patterns.

“Coffee. Stirring. Cup. Warm. Hot. Coffee. Mug. Warm. Cup-” It was honestly irritating. Then again the only time he saw people like him in media was in horror films. But even then they had perfectly coherent Hannibal Lecter type people who just occasionally see stuff. The reality was much less pretty- if it wasn’t for Logan’s lists everywhere, and Remy, he wouldn’t remember to brush his teeth, or eat. On a good day he only had a minor stutter, and on bad ones he couldn’t talk at all.

He remembered he tried to explain it to Virgil once. He and his emo boyfriend couldn’t sleep and were chatting on the couch when Virge asked him what it was like. Patton, not being the best at explaining things, had decided to show him. So he found a few of Logan’s unused note cards, and asked Virgil to write out a thought with each word of it being on a different note card.

“Okay n-n-now lay it out in o-order.” Patton instructed, earning a raised eyebrow from the emo as he quickly laid out the sentence in order on the coffee table. Once he was done, Patton took the note cards and scrambled them- shuffling them up so they were completely out of order.

“N-now lay-lay it out ag-agai-again.” He said, handing back the cards and watching as Virgil sifted through the cards to find the first word, then the second, and so on until the whole sentence was on the coffee table in front of them.

Patton explained that while neurotypical people had their thoughts in order, like the first deck of note cards, his were constantly scrambled. So he has to put everything back in order before he does anything. That the metaphor applies to everything- talking, actions, thoughts. It was why he physically froze when he couldn’t remember what he was doing, or why sometimes he’d stare at his boyfriends looking for an answer for a question he forgot to ask. If people were computers, then he’d be a pc still running with windows 98, dial-up internet.

“But what about the…” Virgil paused, taking a moment to find the right way to phrase his question, “...other...stuff?”

Patton thought that was a bit more tricky to explain. He could spend the rest of his life talking out the small nuances of the ‘other stuff’ and only scratch the surface of what it entailed.

It was the way him, his thoughts, and his feelings felt like separate entities and not one solid person. It was going for a walk at 1pm and coming back at 9:30 with no recollection of where he went, or what he did. It was his mind latching onto a statement like ‘does Ohio even really exist’ and ruminating on it so much that he became convinced nothing was real anymore. It was loving people, but simultaneously not being able to trust them and avoiding them. It was flipping the light switch on and off because there was a dark figure in the corner when the lights were off but if he flipped the switch EXACTLY 26 times then it wouldn’t come after him, or his family. It was taking pictures of things with his phone to send to Virgil so he could ask if Virgil saw what he was seeing. It was existing in two separate realities at the same time and constantly having to figure out which one was the real reality and which one was just his illness.

It was staring off into his coffee cup for a half an hour while his service dog barked to snap him back into the moment- like now.

Patton shook his head, trying to refocus. His chronic ‘spacing out’ (to put it lightly) was why Logan no longer let him use the stove. Speaking of Logan- Patton padded his way to the refrigerator where his wonderfully intelligent boyfriend had made a whiteboard checklist for him. In Logan’s neat, almost font-like handwriting there were various tasks written in sharpie with little boxes next to them for Patton to check off every day. When the others returned from their jobs they’d double check it, and remind him of what he didn’t do yet.

“Marker. Blue. Smooth. Marker. Drawing. Write. Blue. Draw. Marker-”

Picking up the magnetized expo marker Pat went down the list. Medication? Check! Brushing teeth? He’ll do that after he drinks his coffee, and eats breakfast. Shower? Did he take a shower today? Patton reached his hand to feel his hair- it was still damp, so he must have. Check! Breakfast? He should do that. He wasn’t allowed to use the stove without the others in, but it was unlikely he would do any serious damage with a toaster, right? Right. Plopping a piece of bread in the machine, he got out some crofters, and butter before going back to the list while he waited. Put out food and water for the pets? Aw, shoot. That’s probably why Remy was barking.

Recapping the marker, Patton moved to fill the dog’s food and water dishes. Telling Remy to shake before he set down his food dish.

“Dog. Noise. Crunch. Food. Dog. Soft. Warm. Hairy. Dog. Woof. Noise. Dog-”

The service dog had actually been Virgil’s idea, and one that Patton was wholly opposed to at the start. It wasn’t like he didn’t want a dog- he did! He loved dogs! But a service dog was a whole other animal (pun intended.) Getting a service dog meant he actually had to admit he had a disability, and Patton didn’t really feel like he was disabled. Sure, certain things were harder to do, yeah. And he had to navigate around obstacles his mental illness provides- but disabled seemed like a stretch. If he’s being honest it still seems like a stretch; but after an hour of Logan listing him all the ways the service dog could help, and how common service dogs had become in the mentally ill community, Patton finally agreed.

There was another reason though, with the dog came the addition of having to explain what his disability was. And Patton...didn’t like having to tell people. He barely liked even associating himself with the word. He was…..split-brained. He had the big S. But the stigma that surrounded it didn’t apply to him. Every time he opened up to a close friend they always expressed how they couldn’t believe it given how ‘normal’ Patton seemed- definitely not what came to mind when someone thought ‘schizo.’ What if people didn’t believe him? Confrontation was never really his thing.

It was actually Roman who supplied a solution. If Patton was getting a dog, then Virgil would too. That way when they went out together it wouldn’t be as weird. That’s how the small yellow Tibetan Spaniel, Dee came to be Virgil’s emotional support animal. Unlike Remy, Dee wasn’t trained to task, he was just there to comfort Virgil when his three boyfriends couldn’t. And all the love and pampering made Dee into something of a complete mischievous diva. The little fluffy dog had a habit of appearing out of nowhere and yapping very loudly right behind Patton. Especially when it came to the horrendous offense that was feeding Remy first. But Virgil had taken the little puffball to work with him today so Patton was safe from any yappy startling.

Patton chipperly checked off the task from the list with the expo marker, recapping it and moving to the living room where his laptop sat. Holding down on-site jobs was, frankly, unrealistic for him. But he managed to still stay on his own two feet by freelancing. It wasn’t easy (and required so many reminder notes) but with Logan’s organizational help he was able to work in his own way, and remain (relatively) independent. Which was a godsend compared to spending the rest of his life living with his parents.

Don’t get him wrong, Patton loved his parents, and they did so much for him. Life couldn’t have been easy with a split-brained kid, and they had been pretty patient with him early on with his first few psychoses. But (why was there always a ‘but’) they still had ticks, and expectations he couldn’t meet. He’d recognized too little too late that they were gaslighting him to make their lives easier. Every now and again, when they’d say something that’d upset him, he’d try talking about it only to be met with ‘I never said that’ or, ‘are you sure that’s how it really happened?’ And Patton believed them because he couldn’t really trust his own perception that much. Their distaste were in the way they presented himself to other people too. “You probably shouldn’t tell them about your….disorder.” They’d lecture in car-rides going to social gatherings that Patton loathed. “It isn’t that we’re not proud of you! Other’s just might not be so understanding-” Their words always echoed in his skull, quickly becoming fodder for his mind to latch onto and use against him. He couldn’t stand the way they grimaced whenever he was brought up in conversation. All the times his mom uttered the hushed words of “Patton’s…...different-” made him want to scream out.

‘Just say it. Say what you’re thinking. Crazy. You think I’m crazy.’

He knew he scared them. Living with them always guaranteed the looming threat of hospitalization if he displayed symptoms they weren’t comfortable with. They always felt the need to walk on eggshells so as not to disturb him more than he already was. His illness became a weapon against him more often than not- a way to discredit him and excuse their own actions. Even with all the tips and tricks he learned to covertly hide; pretending to be talking on the phone when he was arguing with the voices, or practicing proper empathetic faces in the mirror to use when talking to people. Locking himself up in his room whenever he was having a psychotic breakdown, or visual hallucinations, and doing everything in his power to not react to the loud auditory ones. It never seemed to be enough though, and he was always met with glazed over eyes, and disapproving frown of his mother whenever he forgot something and did it several times over, or had too much disorganized thought to speak properly. They just wanted him to be normal, to get better. But unlike other mental illnesses, recovery was a game of chance. He could go into a psychosis tomorrow and never get out of it, or he could wake up a week from now and never have another symptom again. Medication kept him functioning, and therapy helped him deal with the worst of it. But both could only do so much with the chemical war in his brain. That was just the volatile way life was for him, and he had long since learned what to avoid and how to make the best of living day-to-day. But his parents never seemed as satisfied with that as he was. And more often than not it had a negative impact on his mental health, and he found himself getting worse while staying under their roof.

It was Roman who noticed the effect his parents had on Patton, and convinced him to leave. At first Pat dug his heels in. He really didn’t believe Roman knew what he was signing up for. Yeah, they had all been dating since sophomore year of high school- but Patton had done everything in his power to keep the worst of it from his boyfriends. He could take a lot, but he couldn’t take them being scared of him too. It took months of convincing, the final straw coming with Patton’s most recent hospitalization.

He had developed some kind of allergic reaction to a medication he was on, but in order to find out which one he had to be slowly weaned off all of them. They checked him into the hospital, stuck an IV into him, and closely monitored him as he slipped in and out of psychosis, and got wrapped up in some bizarre delusions. But despite his incoherence and strange behavior his boyfriends didn’t leave his side. They took shifts, ensuring that Patton was always with someone he knew. Logan constantly pelted the doctors with questions on the doctor’s care choices. Virgil brought all of Patton’s favorite stuffed animals and blankets for familiarity. And Roman played all of Patton’s favorite disney movies whenever the room was silent. They learned as much as they could about Patton’s situation. How to handle his delusions and what to do when he had episodes of low empathy, or isolation. It was a breath of fresh air for Pat to have his illness embraced, and not met with the usual disdain he got from his parents. He could have almost cried when Logan didn’t get mad when Patton explained that he didn’t want to eat dinner with them because he was convinced it was poisoned, or when Virgil didn’t find it upsetting when Pat had set up a little ‘nest’ of towels, pillows, and blankets in the bathtub because it felt like the only place They™ couldn’t get him. There was even an instance where Pat thought that Roman had been replaced with someone who looked identical to roman, but wasn’t Roman. The actor didn’t tell him it wasn’t true, or refuted Patton’s pleads for the ‘imposter’ to return his boyfriend. He simply went along with it- telling Patton he was going to return Roman before making a show of leaving the bedroom and re-entering thanking Patton for having the clone return him. (He also explained what he did to Patton later when the split-brain was in a better state.)

It was so nice to not be treated like the burden he thought he was. Their love showed in every one of the caring acts they did for him, trying to make his hectic life a little more manageable in any way they could.

“Patton?” A rough voice broke through his thoughts, making him turn towards the door. It was Virgil, a fussy Dee wriggling in his arms.

“Virgil. Calm. Boyfriend. Love. Virgil. Trusted. Boyfriend. Roommate. Dog. Dee. Virgil-”

“Hi honey, you’re home early!” Patton chirped, a well practiced smile gracing his lips. Virgil raised an eyebrow at him, setting Dee on the floor with little ‘clip clip’s’ from the toy dog’s claws.

“Pat, it’s 4:30, I always come home around this time.” Patton’s face dropped, as he turned back to the laptop he’d been staring at. When had it gotten so late?

“Uh, Virge- could you read this for me and make sure it makes sense?” Patton hummed, trying to reread over the email he was going to send but not quite processing the words. Virgil stalked over, glancing at the screen and humming.

“Sorry Pat, it’s complete jibberish.” He purred, rubbing his boyfriend’s shoulders. “Wanna help me with dinner and we’ll take a crack at writing it after?” “Sure.” Pat said with a sigh, as he closed the laptop and stood up to join his boyfriend. Living as a split-brain was difficult, but living with three amazing partners made it manageable.

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Endnote: This was way longer than I intended it to be. Sorry, I had a lot to say.

#em writes #vent fic #patton sanders #ts sanders sides #lamp/calm #virgil sanders #roman sanders #logan sanders #Please for the love of all that is good read the warnings

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davedescisco · 6 years ago

Note

1, 4, 15, 20, 28, 30, 90, 93, 98 !! sorry that's a lot

Klaus thank you so much! I fell sleep and then didn't get around to answering quickly but that doesn't make me any less grateful lol. I'd rather answer a lot than a little so ¡gracias!

1. coffee mugs, teacups, wine glasses, water bottles, or soda cans?

cans, mugs, n glasses

4. how did your elementary school teachers describe you?

very smart and obedient kid, but I was SO SHY. pretty silent those early years

15. favorite book you read as a school assignment?

the only thing I can think of/remember that I really enjoyed was some books I chose to independently read for a grade. I got to read some p cool nonfiction books about the history of punk, rock, and modern American popular music in general, and it really set the ball rolling for my personal music taste lol. It's how I got into listening to Talking Heads and the Ramones, for example

20. preferred place to write (i.e., in a note book, on your laptop, sketchpad, post-it notes, etc.)?

notebook in theory, laptop in practice. I've developed an anxiety about writing personal things down on paper (like things not for school) at my mother's house, because, since she's so controlling, growing up she would dig through, look through all of my belongings to see what I would write. I would get in trouble a lot for absolutely normal things any child would do/write. So I type a lot of things on my phone/laptop. I didn't mean to make this a vent sorry you had to see that

28. five songs to describe you?

Debaser - Pixies (inspires me to bring new, unconventional art to the table)

Where Do ya Draw the Line - Dead Kennedys (the political part of my mind, if we overthrew the power what should society be like?) 🤔

Girl Anachronism - The Dresden Dolls (boy but I relate nonetheless. disaster, perpetually)

Beautiful World - DEVO (again it's satirical critique on the world, I promise this isn't all I think of. I like the use of the word "beautiful" because in many ways, the world is a beautiful place. Just not in all aspects unfortunately. It's important to realize that both qualities exist)

6'1" - Liz Phair (song makes me feel confident in the face of social adversity. U really can be 6'1" when ur 5'2")

Overall, I think too much or sumn

30. places that you find sacred?

the city. When I'm in inner Buffalo I feel something that I can't really explain. There's all this buzz that the suburbs just don't have. I'd like to be there for a while

90. luckiest mistake?

Jeez idk if this counts. This wasn't a mistake (I'm not sure if I have a lucky one) but I never would've, before this happened, guessed that I would do this or what would come from it. In eighth grade my (fairly new, a couple months) friend lent me a book to read over February break. I really loved it, it was one of the first books I read with such openly LGBT characters, one of the main characters being a trans girl. It inspired me to come out, which at first seemed impossible, -- like "oh I can't actually do this lol" -- for the first time to my friends and I felt much more comfortable with who I was when other people accepted me. The friend who lent me the book, upon reading my coming out letter which I left in it, came out to me too!

93. nicknames?

Davey is one I've been called. I used to refer to myself as DJ sometimes bc I'm David John, other than that I don't really have one. Oh, I was once dubbed "Johnny Boy" by a guy in school. he's on probation now

98. favorite historical era?

1950s - 1990s is my fav aesthetically and to learn about the culture and affairs of

thank you so much for asking!! it takes me hella long on mobile but I really appreciate it :^)

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cyberphuck · 7 years ago

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Eleven-Eleven Meme Thing

I was tagged by @Kclenhartnovels!

Rules are for other people! I'll write some questions at the end though I guess

At what age did you start writing? I've been telling stories since before I was shot into the world from a potato gun, but I didn't start writing them down until I was about nine.

Aside from writing, what is your favorite hobby? Crying sleeping eating chips I can draw a little, and I like video games, and will probably never stop loving to read.

Which character is least like you? Of everyone? Ama from Order of the Wolfshead, because I can't keep a secret worth a gotdamn.

Do you like writing emotional pain or physical pain better? Emotional pain is easier. I have certainly experienced blinding, screaming agony, but it's hard to translate what I've been through into anything interesting for anyone else to read about. I've got all kinds of varied experience in emotional trauma though.

Do you like writing platonic love or romantic love better? Both.

Favorite type of music? That's a hard question for me to answer. Uh, my favorite type of music is whatever I'm listening to and also enjoying at the time.

Post a song that reminds you of one of your OCs (and tell us which one it is!) "Coin Operated Boy" by Dresden Dolls (since I was just listening to it today) is a song about Dios (from Meltdown).

Favorite villain from any book/movie/TV show? God, from anything? I like Vicious from Cowboy Bebop, if I were forced to pick someone. You know why? A person he'd known for years shows up to a meeting presenting as a woman for the first time with no forewarning or explanation and he just rolls with it. Cool, Gren's a lady now. He's an evil murderer but he's no transphobe.

Favorite WIP to follow on Tumblr? I haven't found a favorite yet, but I do enjoy reading a lot of them.

Favorite weather to write during? Look at me in the eyes and tell me you believe I look at anything but the computer screen, ever.

Which OC would bring you soup when you (the author) are sick? Which OC would poison that soup?

Sacha, from Pet. He's just an all-around nice guy. Nahne from Pet would also bring me soup, and feed it to me, and cuddle up to me and let me pet his hair and I'd be so enamored with him that I wouldn't even notice that he'd poisoned it until way too late.

ELEVEN MORE QUESTIONS:

What cable news channel does your favorite OC turn to for information when something dramatic happens?

One of your OCs is on an impromptu road trip and stops at a gas station in the middle of the night to pee and grab something to eat. They pick a drink, a salty snack, and a sweet snack. What are they?

Your absolute most evil OC is startled by a toaster popping. What happens next?

Your sweetest OC goes up to the McDonald's counter to get their order only to discover that after twenty minutes of waiting, the order is wrong, and this is the third time this has happened today. What happens next?

One of your OCs is in a Disney animated movie. What's the "big" song of that movie? (Pocahontas' was "colors of the wind," Aladdin was "a whole new world," Hercules was "zero to hero" etc)

Do you think having to write while stuck out in the wilderness by yourself (in a heated cabin, food and water but no wifi, tv, or phone service) would help or hurt?

You have written or thought about writing dirty fanfiction. Tell us what it is.

Someone offers you thirty million dollars to ghostwrite a book about how Hell is real and all dogs go there, good or bad. Do you do it?

You will automatically get a million dollar contract for anything you write, but it has to be at least five thousand words long AND you can only use as many letters of the alphabet as complete pullups you can do. How does that work out?

Your dog turns into a person and writes a book about your lives together, and it gets turned into a movie. During the premiere of the movie, your dog turns to you and tells you that Hell is a place of our own making. What kind of popcorn do you order?

What's a genre of fiction you don't think you'd ever get the hang of writing?

(God I don't even know if I know eleven people, I'll just do the last eleven in my activity regardless of whether they write or know who I am lol) Tagging @chazrizard @glyphenthusiast @ephirae @tintaglia3 @duchessoftetris @illustrativewriter @ivettaviolet @pippinstark @dragonscanbeplantstoo @ixamxleigh @crazy-writes

#memes

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hannibalcatharsis-zero · 7 years ago

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Luxury ask : champagne, lace, sheet mask 😁

Thank you very much for the ask @mintful ! :)

champagne: what topic could you talk about for hours?

Kuroshitsuji, 2 Ciel Theory now fact, Undertaker, reasons why Undertaker knows so much, reasons why he made the Bizarre Dolls, Claudia and Vincent and Cedric K Ros theory, I mean even if I don’t like it that much even I am willing to believe that yes there’s the whole lovers affair, we were right with Ciel I guess I can be wrong with Undertaker and therefore he may indeed be Cedric, why Undertaker is awesome, Sebastian and Ciel, whom is the main evil in the whole thing, Undertaker always protected the family and that’s why he wants Sebastian dead, how much has Sebastian started to care for our Ciel and how he’s gonna react to this whole Ciel reveal, reasons why our Ciel took the identity, Undertaker’s death scythe being fucking awesome, Yana Toboso drawing Undertaker so fucking beautifully, how far are we from the end, how many arcs are missing, Ciel is mean and our Ciel needs a hug, why is real Ciel mean he was kind was it the whole dying and being soul ripped thing, is he different from his original alive self, Undertaker is behind the whole thing man aaaaargh what is he doing, yadda

tv series, playstation games, books, manga, fanfics (read @hedera-helixwriteseruri Dresden and while you’re at it The encounters that have led us here) , music, movies, writing, the difficulties and joys of writing, drawing, painting, fictional characters, reality vs fiction, different cultures, existential nihilism

Roughly anything I like and if I’m comfortable with you, you will wish you didn’t brought the subject

lace: what is something in your life completely different from last year?

I’ve finally realized I have real, palpable and important reason to be alive

and I can cook!

sheet mask: what’s your favorite lazy activity?

listen to loud music on headphones and starting at the sky

thank you!

#kuroshitsuji #undertaker #replies #mintful

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corkcrab7-blog · 6 years ago

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A Beginners’ Guide to Cult Psych Icons the Legendary Pink Dots

Photo by Alberto Garcia

Venture over to the Legendary Pink Dots’ Bandcamp page and you might feel a bit overwhelmed. Over three and a half decades in, the Anglo-Dutch band have amassed an overflowing cache of full-length albums, archival releases, and holiday-themed one-offs. And that’s without factoring in the respectively ample solo discographies of founding members Edward Ka-Spel and The Silverman (Phil Knight); or their side project, The Tear Garden.

Founded in 1980, The Legendary Pink Dots have been pushing psychedelic music through the late 20th century and well into the 21st. They draw from the influence of ’70s German rock outfits like Can and Neu!, but their sound is never a flashback. Instead, they emerged from the electronic music underground of the early 1980s with a distinct sound that makes them difficult to pigeonhole to this day. The Legendary Pink Dots’ wheelhouse proves equally welcoming to fans of post-punk and minimal synth, industrial and darkwave—and yet, the band themselves aren’t quite any of those things. They’ve spent decades evolving, hitting multiple peaks throughout their career as the line-up expanded and contracted. Their oeuvre reflects that winding journey, from the dark, orchestral heaviness of the ’80s, to the psych-pop haze of the early ’90s, to the sci-fi electronics of the aughts.

The Legendary Pink Dots have remained a cult band amongst cult bands. They haven’t become post-punk memes like Joy Division or Bauhaus have. Nevertheless, their following includes some well-known devotees. Skinny Puppy’s cEvin Key is known for having followed Legendary Pink Dots’ work since the band’s early years, and collaborated with Ka-Spel as The Tear Garden (they’ve released seven albums together since 1985, the most recent being 2017’s The Brown Acid Caveat). Singer-songwriter and erstwhile Dresden Doll Amanda Palmer is another longtime fan; just last year, she linked up with Ka-Spel and ex-Dots violinist Patrick Q. Wright for a one-off collaborative LP album titled I Can Spin a Rainbow. Last but not least, MGMT singled out the Dots—more specifically, their stylistic flexibility—as a source of inspiration for their breakthrough album, 2007’s indie-pop blockbuster Oracular Spectacular.

Needless to say, immersing oneself in the Legendary Pink Dots’ universe is deeply rewarding—and a bit overwhelming. Here’s a list of 10 standouts from the first 30 years of the band’s career to help you get started.

Brighter Now

The Legendary Pink Dots’ formative years coincide with the development of industrial music, so it can be really easy to think of them as emerging from that movement. After all, Edward Ka-Spel has collaborated with cEvin Key of Skinny Puppy (The Tear Garden) and Nurse with Wound’s Steven Stapleton. Back in 1991, though, Ka-Spel described the band’s early sound to Spiral Scratch Magazine as “more like industrial… nursery rhymes!” That stands as an apt description of the Dots’ 1982 vinyl debut, Brighter Now. It’s an oddball album in the band’s catalog; at times its songs resemble stripped-down versions of early ’80s synthpop as opposed to the dense, electronic rock that would follow, but there are moments throughout that point to where the Dots were heading.

The Tower

True to its title—a reference to the infamous Tower of London—1984’s The Tower is an album shaped by British politics, namely Margaret Thatcher’s policies and the then-Prime Minister’s chumminess with Chilean dictator General Augusto Pinochet. It’s a dark album, with a sound reflecting the urgency and frustration of the subject matter. Guitar, synths, and violin build into walls of sound every bit as claustrophobic and threatening as a castle prison. Ka-Spel had proved himself to be a charming and poetic singer and lyricist by the time of the record’s release—but on songs like “Break Day” and “Tower 1,” he proved just how visceral he could be, as well.

Island of Jewels

Photo by Dampfzentrale Bern

Released in 1986, Island of Jewels was the first album for The Legendary Pink Dots’ contract with notable indie label Play It Again Sam, a move that helped garner wider recognition for the band. At times, Island of Jewels takes on the qualities of film music, its songs tooled to guide listeners through a series of tense scenes and dramatic turns of events: “Emblem Parade” may well be the soundtrack to a long-lost Alfred Hitchcock film set in an ’80s nightclub. The record’s legacy is just as complicated as its sound. Ka-Spel seemed ambivalent when discussing Island of Jewels in an interview for Ptolemaic Terrascope in 1991, remarking, “Some of our best and worst moments are on that album”—but over 20 years later, he embraced it wholeheartedly in the Bandcamp description for its 2012 reissue, declaring it “one of the best albums The Dots ever made.”

The Golden Age

One of the most curious aspects of the Legendary Pink Dots is the band’s sizable goth following—a befuddling degree of popularity, given their lack of ties to the scene proper. The Golden Age might be part of the reason for this. The band’s 1988 album is the home of “Black List,” a long, moody, and rhythmic number that has had its fair share of spins inside goth clubs. It’s also a downright creepy album. Ka-Spel is a true storyteller and here he tells chilling tales with menacing characters and mysteries lurking under vivid poetry. The Golden Age was made while the Dots were at a crossroads; half the band left following tour and Ka-Spel and the Silverman were living in a caravan. The resulting album has more of a minimal sound than, for example, Island of Jewels, adding to the sinister vibe.

The Crushed Velvet Apocalypse

The Crushed Velvet Apocalypse, originally released in 1990, is perhaps the most accessible Legendary Pink Dots album. If your tastes lean towards sing-a-long songs, you can get into this album fast, but you might also lose yourself in the more atmospheric moments of cuts like “Green Gang.” It’s also one of their most masterful albums. The Dots shows their chops at crossing genres as they deftly move through music that ranges from the delicate folk of “I Love You in Your Tragic Beauty” to the harsh electronic sound of “Hellsville.” Lyrically, Ka-Spel is at his best—whimsical, yet witty and poignant. “Princess Coldheart” is a dark, cheeky fairytale spun in a song that’s about as pop as the Dots will ever get, but “Just a Lifetime” brings together sci-fi and fantasy imagery that taps into a very real sense of unease about the future. His line, “A fire-eater went insane and torched the final tree,” rings more relevant now in the era of climate change and catastrophic brush fires.

The Maria Dimension

Ideally, you should listen to The Maria Dimension right after The Crushed Velvet Apocalypse. The albums were released about a year apart and represent The Legendary Pink Dots’ transition into the 1990s. Where “Pennies for Heaven” and “Belladonna” harks to the songwriting on The Crushed Velvet Apocalypse, much of the rest of the album pushes the band’s sound further into psychedelic realms. That’s thanks in part to the songwriting and recording process. In a 2015 Blurt interview, Ka-Spel explained that The Maria Dimension came into being after a month of improvisation. For the curious, some of those improv moments can be found on The Maria Sessions, also available through the Dots’ Bandcamp site.

Hallway of the Gods

The Legendary Pink Dots have spent their career doing their own thing, but, in 1997, that thing serendipitously fell in line with what was happening in the indie rock world. The band’s krautrock influences took a softer turn, resulting in songs like the tender ballad “Sterre,” the chilled-out space rock of “Lucifer Landed,” and the wild sci-fi jam “The Saucers Are Coming.” Hallway of the Gods sounds perfectly comfortable next to other releases from that year, like Stereolab’s Dots and Loops, Broadcast’s Work and Non-Work, and Spiritualized’s Ladies and Gentlemen We Are Floating in Space. But, The Legendary Pink Dots were already more than 15 years into existence. They had an established following and had already produced a large catalog of work. Perhaps that lack of newness led to Hallway of the Gods being sorely overlooked.

Chemical Playschool Volumes 11, 12 & 13

Chemical Playschool is a series of The Legendary Pink Dots releases that date back to early in the band’s history, when they were made as very limited-edition cassettes. This is the space where the Dots can get really weird and creative. Cassettes with handmade covers? They tried that in the early ‘80s. By the new millenium, though, the question was, “What could you do with the CD format?” First released in 2001, Chemical Playschool 11, 12, 13 was initially conceived as a three-CD set with three hours of music that were only paused while the discs changed. The material came in part from existing tapes and included new compositions, all of which become a seamless collage where Ka-Spel’s vocals are meticulously placed across the atmospheric canvas. The release is split up into more manageable chunks on the Bandcamp release. However, that still means that you’re getting a few tracks that hover around (and over) the 40 minute mark—more than enough time to zone out.

Plutonium Blonde

With a band whose history is as long as The Legendary Pink Dots’, it’s easy to concentrate on the early releases and leave it at that. Don’t make that mistake: the Dots continued to move forward in the 21st century with work that is every bit as interesting as the albums that garnered their initial fan base. 2008’s Plutonium Blonde might be the best example, melding borderline-ambient moments with Ka-Spel’s weird and wonderful stories. Whereas “An Arm & a Leg” plays out as a captivating mini radio drama for a modern audience, “Mailman” uncharacteristically steps into country terrain, albeit country with a space-rock twist.

Seconds Late for the Brighton Line

Released in 2010, Seconds Late for the Brighton Line coincided with The Legendary Pink Dots’ 30th anniversary, as well a time of transition: longtime members Martijn De Kleer and Niels van Hoorn left the fold before the band hit the studio. (Erik Drost, who played with the band earlier in the ’00s and appeared on albums like Poppy Variations and The Whispering Wall, rejoined the Dots founding members Edward Ka-Spel and The Silverman.) One might think that, with a shrunken line-up, the band would go for a simpler sound, but that’s not the case. There’s still a lot going on here, and it takes multiple listens to discover all the sounds tucked into this collection of songs. “Endless Time,” one of the album’s standout tracks, uses a clock-like rhythm to introduce a soothing melody that very gently crashes into waves of noise. “God & Machines” uses atmospheric noise to heighten the spectral quality in Ka-Spel’s voice, creating the sound of an unknown and uncomfortable afterlife.

-Liz Ohanesian

Source: https://daily.bandcamp.com/2018/12/04/legendary-pink-dots-primer/

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sunnymcflynnart · 6 years ago

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Piece for an art trade with one of my IRL friends. She’s drawing Mischa and I can’t wait to see her. Her character’s name is Jenny so I listened to Dear Jenny by Dresden Dolls a bunch while drawing this.

#art trade #friend art #original character #anthro #dresden dolls

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shotce · 8 years ago

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Oo! A meme!

I was tagged by the darling @ellebeedarling, no pun intended.Thanks! Meme as follows: Always post these rules! Answer the questions given by the person who tagged you Write 11 questions of your own. Tag 11 people. (Really, 11?) If you could change one thing about any of the mass effect games, what would it be? The ending. Pretty sure everyone agrees with me, the SciFi fans got the worst end of the stick. I found out about the ending halfway through ME3 and couldn't pick it up again for a week. Also, FACE MODELS FOR THE FEMALES! Geeze, femshep IS a potato and Ashley looks like CHER. Name your favorite fic, you know, the one that’s your go-to feel good fic when times are troubled–can be from any fandom. Oooo. I'm a lurker usually. I have a WHOLE library of bookmarks. Those days I queue up my AO3 account, get my dog and just veg out all day. Favorite movie snack. How long have you been consuming this favorite snack? How freaked out do you get if the movie theater is out of this snack? Is there something that’s an acceptable replacement? I am that person who will sneak their own food into a theater. I hate movie theater popcorn but will make my own and bring it. If I HAD to pick a snack....milk duds or nachos? Do you collect things? Are you a complete collector? Or are you okay with incomplete sets of things? I hoard some things, like a wee baby dragon, but not really. Mostly when I get into new fandoms. But I do like to pick up small things when I travel: a mini pine cone, a sea shell, and then toss it into my nana's jewelry box. Top 3 otp in any fandom/s: Currently? Adoribull, Mshenko, Corvo/Daud Country mouse or city mouse? Country Mouse who LOVES to visit the city. Background music preference. This sounds like a cop out, but everything. It depends on what mood I'm in or trying to set. Believe it or not, it was country two days ago. Yesterday and today was all punk. Active listening music preference - Anything with a good beat I can pretend I can sing to. Pop rocks. What was the first video game/movie/book/other media that sent you down the rabbit hole of fandom? Oh, lord. X-Files introduced me as a kid TO fandom (and taught me what sex was, thank god for naughty authors, because school and my parents didn't tell me shit). I don't remember the last I finished a fic, but I have like a good three dozen wips on my computer. What are your thoughts on tabletop games? Amazing! Especially with friends and alcohol. Ah, the memories. Who shot first? Is this even a serious question or is it a debate starter? Because I will always be angry about this. What was it that drew you into your current favorite fandom? I came across some mshenko gifs on tumblr and was just in AWE. I had only been playing video games for a short while and had no idea there were LGBT options. Bioware promptly sucked me in. Do you speak more than one language? If so, what are they? I wish. I tried French and ASL in school and only remember like five sentences combined. Name one thing you wish you were better at, or came more easily to you. So much, but for practical reasons, my current goal is drawing and organizing. If you had the power to change one thing about the world, what would it be? People. I want people to forget the stuff they learned growing up and treat each other equally and with kindness. Team Cap or Team Stark? You are CRUEL. Cap is my favorite but I adore Tony. Favorite Star Trek series (if you’re not into Star Trek, favorite TV series.) I grew up on Next Gen, but LOVED Stargate. What other interests do you have outside of fandom/gaming? Hiking, traveling, trying new things. Idek Living life? How many countries have you visited? What are they? England, Scotland, Ireland and France (but that was only for a day). Favorite memory. Uhhh. I prefer the fluffy quiet ones I keep nestled away for bad days? Usually of when I lived in Maine. If you could see any band live right this minute, who would it be? *head desk* My Chemical Romance or Dresden Dolls. I know, not going to happen. But Flogging Molly is coming to town? You know tomorrow is your last day on earth, how do you spend it? It depends on the circumstance. Are we talking end of times as the world is now? Zombie apocalypse? I'm dying of an illness or disease? Going to war? It's like a choose your own adventure. So here are MY questions. Why so hard? 1) What is a video game you could play over and over, or have already? 2) What is the thing at the top of your bucket list? The one thing you really want to do someday, but aren't ready yet or don't have the means. 3) Favorite badass chick? Fictional or real. 4) Tell us about your favorite fandom trope. 5) Favorite dorky character. 6) If you could have any superpower, what would it be? 7) If you could have any mythical beast as a pet, what would it be? 8) Favorite monster movie? 9) What is something that inspires you? Music? Movies? Friends or family? 10) Rainy day go away or here to stay? 11) What is your favorite xover? What two worlds would you like to see smooshed together? I now poke @mehutchinsane @free--styler @alenkotrash @aceryder @dawgoylelicious @gayscottryder if you're interested in continuing. Also, if you’re reading this, consider yourself tagged!

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