#I was last active here in 2022 wtf

[irlmegmccaffrey]

meg headcanons cause I love her SO MUCH

🌱 ; I feel like she has MULTIPLE pairs of unicorn pajamas. like it literally just never ends, oh and also she was a unicorn for Halloween once.

🌱 ; oh my gods she is a picky eater. prove me wrong.

🌱 ; she probably has a collection of lps (littlest pet shop’s) and her and Lester / Apollo make the most cinematic shit ever

🌱 ; she and hazel love to talk about horses together

🌱 ; OH MY GODS SHE WOULD LOVE MY LITTLE PONY. She forces Lester to watch it with her trust…

🌱 ; once the summer rolls around , she often spends time outside in the sun as it reminds her of Apollo, I feel like Apollo gave her the … blahblah… blessing??? if never being able to get sunburned

🌱 ; she has her ears pierced and Lester / Apollo gifted her lady bug earrings and she refuses to take them off. Like she never takes them off

🌱 ; OH YEA he also got her 2 necklaces, one of the sun and one of a plant !!

[jamesbukkakebarnes]

🙃

[azurityarts]

uhh hi again

update (and text wall) below

Hiya! It's been a bit ^^;; (wow i've completely forgotten how to do this sdhnfhndshnf)

So for those wondering where I've gone, I'm still here! There's just been a lot of stuff going on, ranging from personal health to familial issues to academic bullshit, and I guess I just decided to take a break from drawing? ><; Those issues have been present and stockpiling for a while now, as early as winter of last year (you can honestly see the visible drop in doodle quality); there was just a lot on my plate. The Daily Doodles really took a toll on my sleep and arm, and while I don't think either have gotten much better (not me typing this in the dead of night), I think I can do more now that exams are over! I doubt I'll be able to put out stuff at the same frequency like 2022 though.

For those wondering what's next, I'll still be here! o7 I've got plenty of stuff I'd like to start, get back to, and finish, but that barely does it justice. I've got a big problem with starting projects and abandoning them, but there's quite a few I'll be trying to get back to with what time I have (yes I still remember the Dusknoir post). Most direly though, would probably be the raffles? Yeah... those sorta went on pause as a result of what else I had going on, and I am. Seven overdue now?? shit man wtf where did you all come from o-o

In regards to the raffles though, I probably won't be able to organize seven of them things at the moment lol- I have another plan though! Which will hopefully be easier on everyone? Maybe. Idk about me LOL - it'll be reblogged from this post shortly!

oh yeah I also finished PSMD and no I was not and am not okay

TL;DR: It has been a Large Amount of Time since I've properly gotten back here as an active blog, and even longer since I've regularly drawn, but with finals over, hopefully I'll be more active?

[fillinforlater]

Important Announcement and Updates

Hello everyone, Smite here!

Dear readers of my blog, loyal followers, writer friends and everyone in between, I got some news for y'all. Things will change and partially already have and I feel like I should give a heads up about it in a single post so you're not confused as to what has happened.

But first of a word from our sponsor a big thank you for the insane Notes-Totals on my last couple of fics. There is a lot of 900+ and already a fuckton of love for "Just Testing", and leaving aside all the nonsense I wrote in this fic, I'm still very grateful for the support. Thank you!

Now to the upcoming changes/wtf is actually happening:

1. I will take an (warning, evil words ahead) indefinite hiatus from writing fics in the manner I did in the past/up until now.

What does this mean?

"Are you retiring? Are you going to delete your stories? Are you not going to be online/active in Discord anymore?"

NO, NO and NO.

I have no plans to (ever) retire and if I would, a 31some would look pitiful it would be with a feeling of certainty and geniune satisfaction (at least I hope so).

I just need a break from this neck-breaking pace of forcing every ounce of horniness and creativity from my head onto the Docs to the point where it's all just a mush of nudity, sex and filth and words and chaos... I'm losing grip on wtf I write at times.

This hiatus is to reset myself, to test other things without feeling forced to post them or at least something just to be on a streak, just to push that number higher and higher. I will def continue creative writing, just don't expect me to post it cuz it won't be all kpop.

BASICALLY: Stories will be released, but they will be rarer and most likely longer and hopefully still to your liking, from a story and smut perspective (unless it's full-on fluff/angst).

2. Uni will come like three big waves and during the strongest fucking tsunami, I have to do a boatload of other things on top. I'll be busy, I need to be focused, failure is not an option. Freeing myself from the (internalized) pressure of "having to post a fic this week" will help me to push through this mess.

I'll miss you when exams start and I'll come back to you, don't worry.

3. MoA will continue until Part 100, then there will be a two year special (because dayum, that's how long I am doing this already) and before/after the special, MoA will enter a new phase:

Instead of doing an appreciation post every Monday, I will do MoA's whenever I've read one to five stories that I want to appreciate. They will pop up every now and then, in different formats, to show you what I read and enjoy and who you should follow for more good stuff.

My intention with MoA was always to appreciate something, never to exclude someone or tell them that their writing id bad because they have been featured less than others. I want to continue this with more heart than before, so I'm going to break out from the regular pattern after Part 100.

4. Regarding the update I send a while back with all the series' and stuff: I still have intentions to keep my promise and write them, just with less urgency and pressure. The final request from back in January 2022 (lol) will also be written.

I will try my best, I thank you for your patience.

5. The final part of L4 and another fic are big guarantees to be released soon, so get ready, cuz I won't hold back. Remember: I'M STILL HERE! I GOT A LOT OF STUFF...

See y'all around!

... and I'll add more!

Let's start this new era on my blog. I hope you'll give me the same love and support you've given me until now.

(Oh, and feel free to flood my askbox with pics, questions, gams and ideas. No guarantee of reacting to them, but they might stirr me up xD)

[the80srewinders]

What the fuck is wrong with your cyber dependent ass. Why the fuck do you hate people who go offline for five minutes. Oh, yeah, because you're too retarded and crippled to have a life outside of the Internet you worthless fuck. Real people with real trauma don't spend that much time online you dumbfuck. Real people with real trauma have real jobs and therapy, shit you don't have or else your pussy ass wouldn't throw around sui threats. Your Internet addicted trauma-free weak ass and zoomer screen zombies like your poser ass are why we have so many fucking toxic DID communities, and fucking frankly, why we have only DID communities because you fake ass fucks are fascinated by DID. I've already called out your fake pussy ass for faking CSA, your last post just gave me another tool in exposing your faker poser ass. I mean, we all know you're faking trauma and DID because you admitted yourself you ain't got shit that the "valid survivors" do and that's your fucking words not mine. Instead of chronic pain, chronic fatigue or chronic illness, your weak pussy ass ended up chronically online and we all know chronically online people don't have shit wrong with them physically and you can fucking bet they never had trauma a day in their lives. People who use the Internet too much like you are toxic ass bimbos. I hope your iPad gets taken away so you can finally go out into the real world, touch some fucking grass and for God's sake, get raped while you're at it. Then you'll know the pain us real trauma survivors deal with.

poor attempt at tryna be "gangsta" 😹

first off i wouldn't be cyber dependent or wtv if we had people irl who supported us besides therapists, you don't know the situation you're just jumping to conclusions because you're a bigot

i don't hate people who go offline. I hate people who hate technology, hate the Internet, etc. and I hate people who are dumb like u n generalize the Internet as a whole as bad when it's not, it's js trolls like u on social media that make ppl think dat

besides resources on the Internet saved our life at our most low points, ofc wed defend technology especially Internet, how fkn ableist can u b

thanks, I already knew that and yk what? I can fucking kms if it would make u feel better bc I've hated myself for those reasons years before i was allowed on the internet 😘

first off... do u even hv real trauma? sure doesn't sound like it from the asks u been sendin atp or else you'd know us trauma survivors flock online bc it's a dangerous thing to talk ab irl. for reasons I shouldn't hv to state if ur a real trauma survivor. which I doubt u r 😹

your ask about me faking CSA because I wasn't hypermobile is a line of shi. ain't no1 out there who's rly been sa'd gon believe that or u.

uh bish how the fuck do u know wat I do and don't? for your fuckin information I hv been in therapy for DID treatment since dx in Nov 2022. n js bc I can't get legally employed doesn't mean I don't do shi for ppl that the body is able to do, which ain't much but it's smt like u js be tryna judge my life and what u think I do atp

also ik wtf i said.

I ain't fascinated by DID bitch I wish I didn't live w it. if u actually read any of my posts on our personal experiences you'd know how much I hate it. but mk, that doesn't fit wit ur narrative so u had to gloss over dat n move on

haha u contradict urself here. "chronically online people don't have anything wrong with them physically" bitchhh do u hear urself how u sound. first u were goin off on me bc I was too "crippled" which is an ableist slur for a physically disabled person now ur sayin I ain't got shi wrong w me. damnnn you js hate chronically online ppl atp like wtf is ur problem. being online literally every hour ur awake isn't healthy n I don't stand for dat but I also don't do dat either 😘 I'm online a lot and never go outside unless it's to go out in public but I do hella offline indoor activities too, bc yk that's a thing

i know imma bimbo, ur js jealous bc u don't have a sex life 😘 maybe if you stopped touching grass youd hv a sex life too

i already said this before n I ain't gon say it again i neva had an ipad. also thanks for telling me to get raped, i actually hv hundreds of times n as much as dat sounds like a stretch or made up, I can assure u 100% it's true n my fkn body is messed up from being raped so many fkn times. I've been raped again this yr and u don't know how many times I get sa'd by family members. u ain't no real trauma survivor or else u wouldn't wish dis on som1. fuck you bish.

[onlyhereforangst]

Who fucked the fandom I'm confused? The person who wrote the article?

oh absolutely not, from what i can tell @shelbbswrites is a lovely person & writes about some of my favorite ships & i'd like her to keep writing so i can spiral about jiara in the near future.

as for who fucked the fandom, well. girl. the blog whose gif was linked, @/opponentsheir, is the one who knowingly, willfully fucked the fandom last summer.

it was circa mid-late May 2022 and here was the jiara tumblr fandom, struggling to get through the drought by the scraps of bts we'd scrounge up from filming. blurry ass photos that make you concerned for a tourist's ability to hold their water as they drink, random selfies that tell you next to nothing, and then the occasional "omg this is BIG how does this make sense how does it fit in but omg it's BIG" crumb.

times were rough, bts were tight, and the unsuspecting jiara tumblr fandom was hungry. unbeknownst to us in comes OH who decides. let's have some "fun" let's liven up the jiara fandom because it's clearly dead (false) and idk im bored besties let's play a hehe silly joke! at first, a few handpicked jiara blogs get random anonymous post submissions and each blog has like 2-3 different posts that are all supposed bts leaks. it's never-before-seen photos of what we can only presume are s3 bts. almost all of these blogs were in a jiara discord server together so the photos weren't shared because wtf who is trusting us with these clear leaks we don't want them to stop though. so we sit on these, we get excited, we spiral, all that fandom stuff that we had already. been. doing. but yeah here's a few more bts crumbs to have fun with. then a few weeks later when, to OH's surprise, the fandom hasn't reacted like she wanted, freaked out over her "leaks," hasn't posted them on every platform ever to give her the attention she feels she deserves, she decides oooh let's send more! this isn't sociopathic at all!! and then bam there's a second round of anonymous post submissions followed up by an anon ask sent to one of the blogs saying "you can post them, this is the last you'll get because i've reached my max photoshopping ability do not contact again" (also pardon but how tf are we supposed to contact you if you're anonymous).

ANYWAYS the leaks: we're talking blurry, random characters - sarah, pope, rose, jj and pope, kie, a random dude by a fire, and then jj having his beat-up face held by hands that look just like kie's hands.

and sure enough, we spiral! an actual face hold??? on our screens??? fuck yeah! cannot wait for s3!!! jokes on us we're getting so much more but yeah!!! we're theorizing we're writing whole ass fics we're speculating we've got a discord emoji we've got everything. a few hours later the leaks make it to jiara twt and THEY go wild too. i mean who tf wouldn't? you're starving for content and some mysterious source decides to drop you leaks. like yeah hindsight is 20:20 and who was going to potentially violate an NDA for this, but still.

fastforward several months and now OH is back because i guess she got desperate for attention again and feeling "important" or whatever. she goes on anon and says hey btw those leaks were fake ha ha isn't that funny, here's the photos i used linked here and here and omg isn't this just hilarious bestie such a good time man i love the jiara fandom being active again because god i was so BORED and man i just wanted more fics and edits and omg look it worked i mean i've done it before and i'd do it again (or some shit like that idk i dont have the wherewithal to go look it up and get it 100% correct but yeah, she admitted to doing it for funsies)

rightfully so, the fandom is fucking pissed. it isn't *fun* to get manipulated, it isn't *fun* to get manipulated into making new content???? that we don't get fucking paid to make???????? fuck you?????? you don't manipulate an entire group of people for SHITS AND GIGGLES that's literally sociopathic shit babe, go get help please. so yeah she fucked the entire fandom over Summer 2022 and did it because "i'm bored i want content" like fuck all the way off.

oh and side note: another anonymous poster tried to say oh i know who it is, but also i'm not going to tell you because you guys are clearly mad at her and i don't want you to take it out on her, i know her and it's ok she's ok. like i'm sorry. the fuck? don't insert yourself into this stupid sociopath's deranged manipulative plan. because guess what bitch, we've got detectives in this fandom and while OH never came off anon like the coward she is, the fandom was able to put it together & not only determine her tumblr but also her twt so when she tried a fucking round three several months later with "oh i found these on reddit but the post disappeared hehe" we all saw through that shit a mile away.

in a nutshell, @/opponentsheir fucked the fandom over with her manipulative bullshit & does not deserve a fucking drop of attention from anyone in this fandom.

[dio-icarticaae]

TL;DR: Canon queer representation really does work to bring in new readers, and I learned about that queer rep through tumblr fandom/fanfic on ao3.

Long Version: So it's August 2021. I am very bored, and still stuck at home because of the active fucking pandemic. I lurked on tumblr (didn't have an account at the time) a lot and therefore was vaguely familiar with Batfam and such because it's everywhere. At this point I had gotten bored enough to branch out from fandoms I was familiar with and read fanfic for fandoms I'd never seen, because figuring out wtf was going on was entertaining. (there were a couple months where I went through so much Avatar the Last Airbender fic that I figured out the whole show's plotline before I ever started watching it but that's another story.)

At one point a DC fic (I think Batfam?) was one of the fics I found scrolling through the POV Outsider tag on AO3 looking for something to read. I thought, oh, why not? and read it and liked it well enough. Then, the next day while lurking on Tumblr I saw people getting very excited about Tim being queer. I thought that oh, people saw something that hinted towards that maybe being a possibility and people were getting excited, as usually happens with a lot of fandoms. Then I looked closer and went, "wait what?!? they actually made him queer intentionally this is awesome!!"

At that point I did not so much Fall but Sauntered Vaguely Downwards into the DC fandom and started actively seeking it out. Stumbled into Superbat fic and loved it, and first encountered Clark through that. He's the exact kind of character I really love; kind and caring to a fault, prioritize others over themselves, etc. Quickly became a Superman fan.

Fast forward to April 2022. I'm still lurking around the DC fandom but haven't felt the need to start reading any of the comics, I'm just here to have fun reading fic and don't have the motivation to figure out where to start. Then it's announced that Connor Hawke is asexual and will be in the next DC Pride comic.

I'm asexual, and the only other asexual character in any media I'd encountered at that point was Lilith Clawthorne in the Owl House. So just the announcement was very exciting for me and I got DC Pride 2022 #1 because of that. I was excited for it but didn't think it would hit me as hard as it did.

I've never felt as seen as I did when reading "Think Of Me" (Connor Hawke's story in DC Pride 2022 #1); it so accurately captured my experience as an ace person in a way I hadn't seen before or since. It captured the way it's hard to figure out the "silence" of yourself in the cacophony of noise that is our society's pressures about sexuality, and the struggle of trying to find a way to word what you've discovered about yourself in a way the people in your life will understand, and wondering if they even will understand.

I enjoyed most of the rest of that anthology too (especially Kevin Conroy's story.) I liked Jo Mullein's story enough that I went and read Far Sector and loved it. I've now got a whole long list of comics I'm working my way through

So yeah this is kind of silly and got longer than I thought it would when I first started writing this out, ha. But that's how I started reading DC comics.

curious : how did yall get into reading dc comics?

[litapahma]

welcome to my little world

something about even drafting this post feels incredibly embarrassing even though no one i know knows about this page or even that i have been using tumblr from the ripe age of like 11 (in fact, i’m starting this page on an entirely separate account from the one i started when i was like 11 so current me doesn’t accidentally taint the ARTIFACT that was my tumblr from 8 years ago). all of that aside, i’m starting this page as a sort of digital journal, or something that future me can look back on in 10 years and go wow wtf was i on. so yeah, welcome to my new little world - the inside of my brain - me trying to start liking myself and my life - trying to reconnect with baby me (which is what i call me from literal infancy up until like winter of 2021-2022 [i am violently nostalgic for that time even tho it was last year {WTF???? HOW}]) - trying to figure out who i am. 

I WILL NOT NEGLECT THIS BLOG! i have a journal that i write in everyday and i want to make being active here a habit too… even though “here” is not developed yet… but it will be.

if you want to stick around, sick! if you don’t, that’s sick too. everyone is on their own paths in life and i think it’s cool that our paths have now crossed at least once - regardless if it was only for a miniscule amount of time and digitally, those chances are crazy low and i think that’s cool.

anyway, thank you for reading this! i hope you’ll stick around or check in sometimes.

- hanna

[semiotomatics]

yeah okay lets talk abt this (sorry it got long i needed to vent lol)

okay so. the basics: started getting pretty severe back pain in 2013 when i started having to stand for 8 hours at a time at my job. ended up getting a workers comp claim filed and going to physio, where they taught me some exercises to strengthen my core/other muscles + got those like, deep tissue/pressure point massages w heat or w/e. but the workers comp only lasted like a couple months or smth so i stopped going after that

fast forward to summer 2015 n im at a local street festival n a chiropractor is offering free x-rays + consult for ppl experiencing back pain. well! i absolutely was still experiencing back pain! so i got said free x-rays n at the consult learned that i had 1) scoliosis 2) a tilted pelvis and 3) an extra lumbar vertebrae. he (ofc) recommended i start getting treated by him but a) my medical at the time didnt cover chiropractors and b) iiiii didnt really have the best opinion of chiropractic uhhh anything xD so i declined

over the next seven years my back pain got worse and worse, and i developed pain basically throughout my entire body, with the worst of it centring around my lower back/knees/ankles/feet. in late 2020 i finally got fitted for custom orthotics during which the...guy-who-gets-you-fitted-for-orthotics noted i had "some of the flattest feet he had ever seen" (possibly also some of the most flexible ankles he had ever seen as well, i cant remember lol). i already knew i had flat feet (obvs) n suspected my ankles were fucked up but it was v validating to hear him confirm that both of these things would increase my chances of experiencing back/knee/ankle/foot pain. unfortunately, i got those orthotics shortly after getting laid off from work n ended up not working again till almost a year later so i wasn't really able to like, test them out for a while, and by the time i did and found out they didnt really help, my free adjustment period had ended :(

alongside the chronic back/joint pain i also started experiencing sciatic nerve pain as well as routinely "throwing out" my back (idk if i pinch a nerve or tear a muscle or what but im basically bedbound for like. a week or more and if i move or use that muscle at all its the most excruciating pain ive ever experienced in my life). in late summer 2022 i "threw out my back" while volunteering n ended up walking on it for like. a couple hours afterwards which uhhhhhhhhh fucked me up severely. the pain started radiating out from my back into my hips/legs, and my hips literally just straight up stopped moving/working right anymore. i was walking like, not with a limp but almost like with a weird sway to my hips? aaaaand my scoliosis reversed itself!!! where before my spine had curved to one side, all of a sudden it was curving the other way!! and the curve was much more noticeable just by looking at my silhouette in the mirror than it ever had been before!! which was not a thing i thought could happen!! so like, what the fuck!!

i ended up getting prescribed prescription-strength muscle relaxants as well as prescription-strength naproxen for that injury, which was a godsend, but i also was motivated, mostly by the whole scoliosis-reversal thing, to actually get my back checked out by someone to see wtf was going on. so i went to a local clinic (i have no pcp) and explained my situation to the dr, basically everything ive just described here.

and he said. and i quote "well, losing weight would help with that"

.

you guys.

when i tell you that i burst into tears

i burst into tears in that room and begged him, begged him to help me find out what was wrong. i told him the pain was preventing me from working, preventing me from running errands, preventing me from living. i told him i was feeling actively suicidal because of both the pain itself and how it was destroying my life.

finally, after listening to all that, he said, exasperated: "well what do you want me to do?"

and i said "please, can you just refer me to get an x-ray to see what's going on with my back"

so he did. and i went and got an x-ray a few days later. i asked the tech there if i could get a copy of them and she said to wait until they were sent to the doctors office and request copies from them, so i did. when they hadn't called me back in a couple weeks i called them asking if they had received them yet. they said no. i asked if they would call me when they did. they said yes.

they never did.

that was in december 2022. then 2023 happened and i just. i gave up yall. i gave up on ever getting a fucking answer for why i was in so much pain, let alone ever being able to fix it. even after my breakdown this summer which finally led to me starting on antidepressants and then therapy, i still didnt have a shred of faith that id ever be able to get any dr to give a shit abt the debilitating pain i had spent the last decade of my life experiencing

and then. finally. this week. i was just like. fuck it. whats the email of that clinic. and i found it, and i emailed them asking for copies of my x-rays, if they still had them. and they responded! the very next day! unfortunately they only gave me the...i assume radiologists? findings rather than the x-rays themselves (im gonna write back seeing if/how i can get those, cause i do still want them for my records). but still!! oh my god!! its been an entire calendar year but i finally got to find out what the results were!!

so the extra lumbar vertebrae i knew already. the rest i was kinda surprised to hear cause like? ive seen my 2015 x-rays and they clearly showed my scoliosis/tilted pelvis? so i assumed this would too? but who knows! it had been seven years! also the first set were done standing up, while these ones were done lying down, so idk how that might affect things. in any case, i decided to google this "presumed lumbarization of S1 vertebra", just to see what came up

yall.

yall.

so like!!! okay!!! when i was told the whole "having an extra lumbar vertebra was fine and wouldn't cause back pain" thing that was just straight up false i guess!! and when i went to the dr and told him i had low back pain + scoliosis + an extra lumbar vertebra he should've!! perhaps!! investigated further!!

i cannot explain to you how furious this makes me. whether this is the exclusive cause of my back pain, a contributing cause, hell, even if its a complete red herring. every source i read indicated that if a patient presents with chronic severe low back pain AND known structural abnormalities (like literally all of mine!!) that they should fucking consider that perhaps those two things are related!! they should AT FUCKING LEAST try to rule them out as causes!!!!!!! they definitely shouldnt tell their (not in any way overweight btw) patient to lose weight!!!!!! fuck!!!!!

anyway. in the new year i am going to try again to get a dr to take me seriously. and maybe they wont. maybe ill have to cry and beg again for them to give me the basic standard of care. but fuck!! im not going to give up until SOMEONE agrees to actually figure out what the fuck is wrong with me!! i don't want to be in pain anymore!!! i just fucking dont!!!!!!!

HOLY SHIT

fucking. fuck.

i dont have the energy/mental bandwidth to properly explain rn but i just Learned Something abt my body that could explain a biiiiiig part of the issues ive been having

and the fact that im only learning it now, in december 2023 at the age of almost-30, has me. fuming

i legitimately want every single apathetic/lazy/misogynistic/fucking ableist healthcare professional to die!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[justtrashandshitlikethat]

Here's my Spotify wrapped and also a PSA

I need to start with some weird backstory. I hate Dream and the dsmp and actively avoid and ignore that content. I don't mind seeing nice fanart and there's nothing wrong with liking it, I just have bad associations from my ex so I'd rather avoid it personally. I do watch Wilbur Soot's videos but don't regularly listen to his music. This information will be important later on.

Spotify wrapped 2021

Okay makes sense so far, The Beatles threw me off and I blame @al-arts for that. He's also why Elton John is my new favorite and heartrob.

Lemon Demon and Tally Hall are just always bangers, and remind me of Oingo Boingo on hallucinogenics. I also mostly have @turing-tested to thank for those 🤜 thanks bro

I was obsessed with Mother Mother, still am. I'm actually going to their Arizona concert in January, 2022. One of my favorite playlists is just all their songs on Spotify and I can sing along to every one.

My eyes BULGED a bit at 70,000 minutes but we'll get to that. Seriously though, Mother Mother.

Out of 1,054 they were my favorite BY FAR. And it seems I was theirs too! Top .005%?? I was thinking, that's gotta be like 10 people right..? No. No it's more like 35,000, still though!

I also listened to A LOT of them.. actually I listened to A LOT of music in general.

20,000 minutes of Mother Mother... That's 13.4 DAYS of Mother Mother.

70 thousand minutes in total...

42.... Days... I am mentally ill

Then it got weird....

Listen, no matter who you are or what side you are on I know what you are thinking when you see that image. And we are gonna talk about the giant ELEPHANT in the room... Last

#1 Indie Pop - yea, Elton John, Some Mother Mother, Lil Nas X, ect

#2 Modern Alternative Rock - Most Mother Mother and a ton of skilled smaller artists.

#4 Steampunk?? Huh?? Well I looked up Spotify's playlist for the genre and... Yea, This FUCKS. I still can't explain it, I understand it but.. yea, no, I can't explain it.

#5 Broadway - I know it's an acquired taste, but seriously I don't care who you are go listen to Hadestown. Right now seriously. I listened to a lot of that this year, also the Jekll and Hyde musical, fantastic piece of male Opera and an interesting take on the story (though not totally loyal to the original) and of course I listened to a lot of Phantom of The Opera, my grandma use to listen to and watch it with me, I sing Opera now because of her :)

And now the PSA we've all been waiting for..

#3 Dream SMP??? What?? What does that even mean? and how is that a genre? and most importantly?

WHY IS IT IN MY TOP 5? WHY IS A FANDOM I ACTIVELY AVOID, A "GENRE" IN (MY) SPOTIFY WRAPPED? WTF???

That was my first thought, then I calmed myself down, there had to be a rational explanation. I like Wilbur but not his music, only a few songs a WHILE ago... But... No, it still didn't make sense.

So I sent it to the group chat, low and behold two other people also had it in their top 5, with no idea what it meant, one of which also didn't like dream.

So I put on my detective cap and... Guys....

Okay so Spotify has two genre related features you should know about.

It allows any song to classify as multiple genres, which makes sense, most songs could be more than one genre.

It also allows new genres to be created, which also makes sense! Genres are created and songs are reclassified all the time.

The problem occured when somehow, someone, submitted and was approved for a genre called 'Dream SMP'

That genre includes these 100 songs.

Listen, I understand having fandom centric spaces and art but this could have been a playlist, it shouldn't be a genre.

Most of the songs on there are just general shippy songs or indie rock, nothing on the playlist is explicitly about dsmp.

The only things that would 'fit' under a genre like that is fan songs, and Wilbur Soot's music if he agreed to that.

Thanks for coming to my PSA, Hydrate, relax your shoulder and jaw, take your meds, are you forgetting about your laundry?

Also stream Business Man by Mother Mother on Spotify and please use the discover weekly function, it's so useful.

[meichenxi]

For langblr asks: 7, 10, 11, 18, and 49

Thanks!! This may get long, so I apologise in advance! I’m learning German and Esperanto alongside Chinese, but since my German is fairly advanced and I don’t really learn actively any more (I just read, listen to talks etc - mainly because I have no reason to actively speak German sadly) and my Esperanto is basic I’ll just talk about Chinese. 

7 -  What are some things that you learned about language learning that really improved your studying? 

- Hands down learning about the role of attention in language learning. In an ideal situation, you are exposed to the target feature, then have your attention drawn to it/figure it out yourself, and are then exposed to it in natural language again. I think we all know the wild experience when you learn a word and then magically the universe provides it - and suddenly you know that word forever. I now like to think of word ‘learning’ as incremental rather than binary: recognising a word in a familiar context, an unfamiliar context, and then finally using the word are all different levels of ‘knowing’ that word. What this means in practice is that I worry less about not being able to use all the vocabulary actively that I recognise passively, because I know once I do use it actively that item will be easier to access. So there are two things here: first of all, that I don’t worry if I’m watching or reading something and don’t actively extract vocab from it, because I know that hearing it will make it easier to remember later on; and secondly, that if I ‘pay attention’ to a word but don’t ‘learn’ it because I haven’t seen it in context, that state of not knowing is temporary. The moment I see it in context - sometimes months later, when I had completely ‘forgotten’ that word - I know what it is. So I don’t stress as much about not being able to remember words from flashcards or whatever, because I know that seeing/hearing them in context is what cements that word, not just repetition. 

10 - What are some thing that you love about the language you’re learning?

Oh my goodness. So many things. I love characters; they used to absolutely drive me crazy, but the ability to read after so long being unable to read now just feels wonderfully exciting every single time. I love learning about different components and how they combine together. I love too that the idea of ‘the word’ is tied so intimately to characters: there are psycholinguistic experiments showing that Chinese native speakers learning English show interference effects when two words are presented in English that have the same component (not even whole character!) and it slows down decision making. I love the way that tone and intonation interact and I love seeing how far I’ve come from not understanding how I could express emotion at all. I love what Chinese shows about the power of the second language learner: it’s incredibly homophonous because of limited syllables even with tones, and it’s radical pro-drop, the more formal you are the shorter/more concise sentences tend to be, and when you’re in a different dialect/Chinese language even those useful initials or finals can change and still you know what is being said. It’s incredible. I love the sound of <q> and <j> and <x> and especially the final <ing>. 

The thing I love most about Chinese is its conciseness and elegance. I love learning about different systems of politeness and register and Literary Chinese is just so incredibly concise: if learning modern standard Mandarin is interesting, Literary Chinese is just...it blows my mind. It’s very unique: and I don’t mean this in the sense of ‘oh look how Exotic and Different’, I mean this typologically: it’s arguably the most analytical language in the world and is regularly used in linguistics papers to exemplify phenomena found in such highly analytical languages. I also think the encoding of order-based pragmatics into actual linguistic implicature is absolutely so cool. 

I love the difference registers it has, and I love that it feels such a good language to moan about the bus being late in and also, you know, that kind of poetry which just takes your breath away. I love how the same sentence can be expressed in different registers and how grammar patterns from literary Chinese can be used in modern Chinese. I love how compounding and derivational morphology work in Chinese (it’s absolutely nuts?? and so versatile??) and I love how names carry so much meaning. I love it for its ambiguity and conciseness and completely *shrug* lack of need to express tense or person because you know, if you know you know.

And from a synesthete’s point of view, Chinese is beautiful too: it’s a crisp clear dawn-like language, cool and misty. 

Finally, I love it for what it has taught me. It’s the first tonal language I’ve ever learnt, and the learning curve has been huge. Parts of it have been massively frustrating (we’ll get to that). I remember the week before I went to China for the first time hurriedly trying to learn some phrases, and I just couldn’t get them to stick in my head. I think I practiced ‘good morning’ about 10,000 times and I still couldn't say it right, or remember it. Languages were sort of my thing - I had taken my German GCSE early, done French and Spanish 0-GCSE in one year each, done three language A-levels (Spanish in five months because I dropped out of another A-level, self-taught German) as well as an extracurricular Latin GCSE. I was cocky!! And so not being able to do it was crushing at first and also just, what?? So learning Chinese has taught me patience, and it’s a useful bench-mark now if I ever feel like I can’t do anything. It’s taught me that you just need patience and determination, and that you'll get there in the end. Genuinely, that’s the most useful lesson I’ve learnt in my short life. 

11 - What are some things that you don’t like / find frustrating about the language you’re learning?

Originally, I found both the pronunciation and characters immensely frustrating. I think I’m over those hurdles, and now what annoys me most is the grammar - and if anyone says there is no grammar in Chinese I may just murder you. Chinese grammar is hard because, as I’ve talked about before, a lot of rests on sentence patterns and a lot of it seems to shift in ways that, say, Spanish grammar doesn’t, depending on context, formality and so on. But the reason Chinese grammar is difficult is again because the categories it manipulates are ones that don’t map perfectly onto what we think is being manipulated. So we build representations in our mind and try to learn structures without realising that a lot of it is patterns, not something set in stone. This includes phenomena like topic-marking, fronting, emphasis and so on. The most ‘grammar’-like of Chinese grammar actually is based in large parts in implicatures and the pragmatic-semantic interface, which is very hard to teach. This is why I think that input is especially crucial in Chinese. 

Also, embedded wh-questions are hard. 

As I’m learning more, though, this is all gradually becoming less frustrating. I don’t want to jinx anything and I still have a lot to learn, but I’m feeling cautiously optimistic that the worst is behind me. Things are making a lot more sense now anyway!!!

18 - Have you had any conversations with natives of your target language/s? How did that go?

Haha, of course. I lived in China for six months and then visited again for two months. I also work as an English teacher online and have a lot of Chinese students. I also sometimes chat with other Chinese students in the German classes I was taking. I’m really excited though to go back to China though now that I’m a little bit better and see how I can improve from there!!! I feel like last time I wasn’t really at a good enough level to improve quickly; I think this time would be really hard, but I can communicate well enough that I hope people wouldn’t switch back to English. 

One of the problems I have always had though has been that my pronunciation sounded better than my knowledge of the language - because of immersion. So people always assumed I understood way more than I actually did which was always terrible because I never knew wtf was going on. 

One really really nice conversation I had recently: in my English class, a young girl’s mother asked if I could explain the present simple vs present continuous to her daughter...in Chinese. And regardless of what nonsense I said, the little girl understood! Ahhhh that warm glowy feeling of human connection and accomplishment. 

49 - What are your language goals for 2021?

Since I’m learning quite intensively at the moment, these goals will be appropriately intense. Gulp. 

1) Pass HSK5 (March). This is my biggest goal, and the first time I’ve ever worked towards a language exam so I’m a little nervous. I think it’s do-able (especially with the help of the course that I’m taking, HSK Online), but still large enough to be scary. 

2) Be able to write all words up to HSK5 by hand (July). I have a little more time for this one - normally I don’t think handwriting is particularly important, but since I’m going to be studying in a Chinese university next year with the dreaded 听写 I need to be able to do it. They sort you into groups depending on your exam results, and if I can’t handwrite more than 我 then I’m not going to get very far. How do I plan on achieving this? I’m planning maybe on buying a subscription to Skritter again and working through (I really like them), but most importantly, just handwriting freely in a notebook and building up the habit. 

3) Be able to read at the same speed as the subtitles. I know, I know, most people can. But I can’t lmao so let me practice. 

4) Be in a good place to take HSK6 in early 2022. I don’t actually know if I’m going to take the HSK6 exam: maybe not. HSK5 is only important for me because I need it for a scholarship. But as random as some of the words are, it’s a very good benchmark and a useful list. Considering I’ll have from March until the end of the year, and from the end of June onwards I’ll be in a Mandarin-speaking environment (and be in a Chinese university from August/September) I think it’ll set me up well. It’s way too much to do by the end of the year though, so this goal is just to do as much as I can before 2022. 

5) Read the first Harry Potter in Chinese. Guys, I’m not looking to understand the descriptions of the moat or Hagrid’s beard. But I want to be able to read the dialogue with ease, and be able to dip in and out of the book with ease. 

6) Complete my literary Chinese textbook (mid-year). 

7) Be able to watch shows like Streetdance of China without subs. I can watch some shows already without subs, but I often feel that’s more to do with galaxy-brain thinking, ‘reading the room’ and being lazy than actually understanding all the words. Despite shows like the Untamed having more ‘difficult’ vocab, I find them a lot easier to understand than variety shows etc because the audio is extremely clear and not too fast. Watching Nirvana in Fire without subs will have to be a goal for 2022 lmao; no way will that happen by this time next year. 

8) Learn the top 1000 traditional characters and practice reading traditional more. This is not as hard as it sounds: past about the top 500, many of them differ in very predictable ways. 

And here are three long-term goals I have no time limits on:

1) Read MDZS and TGCF in Chinese. Ahhh. The dream. 

2) Read lots of wuxia!!!!!!! All the wuxia!!!!!!!! Be able to read actual books, imagine.

3) Use Chinese for academic research on Chinese dialects and Tibetan languages. This is kind of...my career path...so! 

Thanks for the ask!! 

[livingwithlosingyou]

Living with Losing You - 11/12/2022

WTF. 

I am going to spare some details on this blog, but yeah, WTF. for multiple reasons. Let’s start with the good first. 

I got some decent sleep last night, and I was PUMPED for CIF today. Our boys were set to get either first or second place. 

On my way to CIF, I quickly grabbed PS so I wouldn’t be so hungry, and took Sadie on a quick walk. I knew that I was not going to be home for a while, so I wanted to make sure that she got outside for a little bit. Granted, she has been really active and played with so many dogs over the last couple of days. 

Anyway, I was fortunate that I got there early enough to not get the worst parking ever. This event gets packed, very early on. I got there at about 8am. The boys were not arriving until 9am with an 11:10am race time. Aaron and I mingled with the other coaches from other districts, etc. I really love how tight knit this community is. I ended up running into Mya, my friend whose bridal shower I attended the week before you died. Her wedding was on the weekend of your funeral, so I of course had to miss it. I felt awful for that, but she ahs been so loving and understanding, it has truly meant a lot. I also saw Carl, the man who used to own the shoe store that I would shop at when I ran in H.S. He is like a running staple in SD, and he was helping out with the awards today. Just such great community with other school’s coaches.

I am going to spare some details on here but I / a couple of the athletes did have a situation or two today with another coach on our team. It is in the process of being addressed, and will likely talk to the AD on Monday. Anyway, I do not want to waste my energy or breath on the negative. Our boys did INCREDIBLE. I am truly so impressed with them. At one point in the race, we were winning CIF. Unfortunately we did end up getting beaten at the end, but this was still very much a win. We got second overall, and made school history. This was the most amount of boys in the top 20 ever in school history. we had 5 to be exact! Couldn’t be more proud of their hard work and dedication this season. I feel so lucky to coach such a great group. Off to state next!!! That is the weekend of Thanksgiving though, so we have some time. Our girls left their hearts on the course, and had solid races. They ended up getting 4th, and we had two girls in the top 20. Unfortunately, no one qualified for state. I am excited to jump into pre-season with them in couple of weeks for track. Yes - we start to train them that early. 

After the meet, everyone decided to go to a brewery, but I really needed to get home to Sadie. I had a pretty chill rest of my evening. I played with Sadie, ate my left overs for lunch, etc. I was supposed to go out in the evening, but I was already falling asleep at like 8pm. I needed to go to bed. I ended up in bed by before 9pm, but then I woke up again at 11pm, so here I am. I am eating some plantain chips because I got snack-y since I basically had “linner”. One of them is shaped like a heart which makes me happy. I miss you. I wish you were here. You were my go to for everything. You hyped me so much. 

I have to wake up early for church and tomorrow is Christmas decor day!!! I gotta be well rested. Need to try and get some more sleep. I also need to finish those incident reports about the thing I vaguely mentioned earlier. 

I love youuuuuuuuu <3

Rest in Peace, James Burton Nichols

10/1/1993 - 7/16/2022

[automatismoateo]

I am genuinely terrified about the future of the US as an Atheist, especially with an understanding of human history and the role of religion in tragedies via /r/atheism

I am genuinely terrified about the future of the US as an Atheist, especially with an understanding of human history and the role of religion in tragedies

I've posted here before, and have found this subreddit to be quite supportive of those in distress. With that said, I am afraid. I'm really, sincerely terrified about the future of my country, the United States. This fear consumes me, and I've become hateful.

The rise of Christian Nationalism is what scares me. Common responses to this concern of mine include:

Oh, don't worry, Christianity is dying out

You're paranoid

You should vote and get active in your community

Right. No thanks, because all of that is utter garbage.

I'm terrified because, if my measurements and observations are correct, there is nothing that can stop the two remaining branches of government from being taken over by true Fascism. And what supports this fear (IMO) is my understanding of history, especially the last two thousand years of it.

So, what do I do? What can anyone do? The Christians are making their move, and in stark contrast to that is an unprecedented level of apathy and inactivity among the rest of society. Which I understand, but don't condone.

Real talk, from Atheist to Atheist; what do we do? There is a reason why the Christians went after the SCOTUS first. These people are so much better organized and funded than even most Atheists know. WTF are we going to do when the Christians gain control of Congress and the Presidency within the next 3 years? I'm assuming the Drug War will be re-enforced. I'm also assuming that the Supreme Court is going to dismantle the rest of the separation between Church and State. It's fucked out there.

Submitted February 14, 2022 at 02:15PM by Terrafyed (From Reddit https://ift.tt/CXI23Nf)