#and its not abt looks (tho i am in fact Gross&ugly its not abt that) i miss feeling energized and shit
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#i think im at the point of hating myself that i have to actively work on myself ugh#i dont WANT to but whats the other option??#i kind of gave up on myself in like mid 2022 bc of health problems and shit but im in a more stable mindset so i need to just get back to it#im so ashamed to admit but i havent actively worked out (routinely) in almost 2 years 😭 i want to its just so hard to start again#and its not abt looks (tho i am in fact Gross&ugly its not abt that) i miss feeling energized and shit#i just want to climb up the stairs w/o feeling like shit!#the problem is..i be working 12 hr shifts and that makes it hard to find time for anything#its not consecutive shifts (at most 3 in a row) but it makes it so i dont want to do anything on my days off#like even hanging out w ppl gives me fucking anxiety bc of timing kms kms#im just rambling but like the point is i need to start taking care of myself#even trying to plan a shcedule is exhausting lmao bc my mind is like yes start on march 1st#but i know imma be fucking tired as hell so??? wtf do i do#and then theres the whole finding what works for u#bc what worked for me 2 years ago will probably not work anymore lmao esp after my foot injury last yr#i hate this!!! i need someone to like plan everything for me or something. or at least hold me accountable bc i cant do that shit#i also need a diary or something bc i just realized how unhinged and pathtic it is to be talking to myself in public on here 😩😩#ignore me
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