#I was kinda very self conscious and uneasy about this

[polarisbibliotheque]

Music Tag Game \o/

I was tagged by the ever wonderful @kaus-quietis to show you (and consequently talk about) my questionable musical taste :D

Thank you so much for the tag, dear!! Music is so important to me, it makes me sparkle with joy when someone wants me to talk about it!

Originally, I wanted to pursue a musical career, but it was strictly forbidden by my family. Only now I'm starting to get into art, but music has always been a secret passion for me "^^

So without further ado, first one is the music we have in common, second one is mine:

Why did I underline a few in Kaus'?

Siouxsie and the Banshees and DIO are two artists that I've heard of and want to check out more of their music. Siouxsie, I haven't heard, but given the fact I like The Cure, I think I'm gonna like it. DIO, I've heard a couple of songs, mostly from my Guitar Hero days, and I do like it. Gotta check more music.

Arctic Monkeys, I think I have a couple of their songs on my playlist. I don't know MUCH about them, but the songs I have, I enjoy very much!

Rachmaninoff, I listen to whenever I'm on a piano listening mood. Given that Matt Bellamy from Muse is very much inspired by him, I listened to a lot of Rachmaninoff when I was in high school - but I don't really have one specific song I like to listen to. I'm more of a Tchaikovsky girl, given that I do adore all his ballets too xD

A little bit more about mine

My musical preference is everywhere, but there are two important moods: beautiful idyllic romantic Studio Ghibli style and let's set the whole fucking world on fire style. Also, there's the good vibes fun type of music.

Regarding favourite bands: Muse and U2 are at the very top of my list, since I was a kid. I love their sound, their feeling, experimentation, lyrics, visuals... Everything. I borrow a lot from them when writing and playing.

Also, I absolutely adore Matt Bellamy.

Cazuza and Skank, if you never heard about them, they are Brazilian musicians with GREAT songs. From Skank, I recommend Resposta, Garota Nacional and Vou Deixar as starters. From Cazuza, the poet of Brazil, I recommend Ideologia, O Tempo Não Para and Brasil. Get the translation of the lyrics - you're gonna cry with O Tempo Não Para. I guarantee it.

On OSTs: I listem to them a lot. When I was a rebellious little piano player, I found in OSTs the common ground with my family who wanted me to play classical music while I wanted to play rock n' roll. I have a deep love for it now - and I gotta say, Cyberpunk 2077 has one of THE BEST OSTs I've ever heard in my life. So many songs from it on my playlist :')

I'm also using it and Darksynth and Industrial Metal while I'm writing my Cyberpunk-style book, it's more than amazing.

Johnny Silverhand is ALSO amazing, I love that unlovable man, he definitely inspired my whole book and another personal story I have which is literally a woman who talks with ghosts and her guardian angel who is a recently deceased rockstar :)

Well, regarding piano: like I said, I'm more of a Tchaikovsky person, love most of his work. I also like Liszt, Debussy, Mozart, Vivaldi and such; but I also love searching for piano covers of modern songs you think are never going to turn out good - but then lo and behold, they do.

That's 'cause I like playing music by ear on the piano. My mom says what she likes about it is that she never imagines the songs I choose could sound good on the piano, but I make it obvious that the melody of the song itself is beautiful. I don't think it's a "me" thing, I think we often get distracted by everything else in the song, we tend to ignore that ultimately what we fall in love with is the beautiful melodies behind it.

Overall, I like controversial people who make music, art and lyrics that make people think. I like a more sort of in-your-face kind of thing, that actually says things and fights what's seen as conventional/conservative society. I do think art is a way to fight the system and being counter-politically-correct is an inherent part of it (with its limits too, I have to add).

I'm aware it's an extreme point of view and not everyone agrees with it, you're welcome to disagree with me, don't worry! ^^

I'm a product of catholic school

Now, after all my musical blabbering, I also have to state I have an unhealthy thing for bassists and guitarrists. Dunno why, I fall in love with them and I adore musical people. I could happily drown in their music, no regrets.

My tendencies are bigger towards bassists, though

And this is the son of a b*tch who decided to claim my heart currently and I'm hating it, my personal nightmare.

I'll leave you with that currently xD

I was going to recommend a few songs from each artist I listed, buuut the post is already too big. I'm gonna do it in a next post!

you got me talking about music, I'll never stop now

I'm no pressure tagging @furyeclipse and @princesssakurasylveon, I thought you guys might like it and I am curious about what kind of music you love ^^

Also, if anyone else wants to do it, you're tagged too!! Go!!

[psychelis-new]

pick a pile: "People's first impression of you"

take a breath and choose the photo or number that calls you the most to read what kind of first impression you generally leave on people you randomly meet both irl and online. Please beware I will focus on your person's first impression of you in another pac. There're similar pacs on Instagram (@/psychelis.new) too, if you need confirmations or a different outlook.

Music channeling has to be taken mostly for vibes/titles this time

don’t take the reading too seriously. only take what resonates with you and leave the rest. if you're not called by any pile, let this reading slid as it may not hold messages for you. if you're called by more than one pile, there may be messages in each of those piles. remember that is a general reading and some things may not resonate with you. energies can change and readings are based on present ones (as you read); you're always in charge of your life.

(photos found on unsplash)

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pile 1

People sees you as someone determined and passionate. You may come out as a very powerful person, strong-willed (especially in your career/studies) and they may feel you are quite the leader. Some may feel intimidated by you even, but still deeply respect you and be inspired by you in a way. You may be considered as impulsive sometimes, and a bit stand-offish, but this comes mostly from people that kinda envy you. I do think you are kinda considerate and pretty grounded, at least on most days. Some people may be attracted by you, you probably emanate this light of security and confidence that attracts people; and you may be also kinda seen as someone who is able to reach anything in their life and doesn't have many problems (you may be a private person). I do think there's something in the way you dress, in your smile or look, that really shows your confidence (when we do something we love and aren't self conscious but focus on that, we do look confident no matter if we feel we are or not) and people really likes that. It could also be the way you dance or your body moves when you're with friends or something.

song: you're the one that i want | lo-fang

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pile 2

You're a sweet caring type, maybe a bit shy, but still very warm to others and deeply respectful. Your energy is a bit nervous at times, it could be for social situations in particular. A little "all over the place", like you may forget stuff and then remember all of a sudden once you're doing something else (and need to interrupt what you're doing to move on that other subject). People think you're cute though. You may be on the little side (you're short/thin/small) but it doesn't have to be. The way you act makes you look in need to be protected and comforted. You are youthful too, your smile is so very kind and warm, but somehow you tend to fear showing it at times (probably you're a bit insecure about your appearance and try to downplay yourself or you try to hide yourself... you may not enjoy too much staying under the spotlight). You are seen as someone very positive but also kinda moody, with lots of energy's ups and downs. People notice when you feel uneasy or something troubles you. At times you may fear being too much, especially when you're hyped. But you're not (and if someone sees you as so, it's not on you). People feel good when being with you, you're "comfortable" (people may randomly open up to you). You know how to make people feel at ease/seen. You may bring hope to people just through your presence.

song: until i found you | stephen sanchez

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pile 3

People sees you as warm, joyful and optimistic. You're also giving grounded and kinda "mature" vibes. It's like... you let others see you without many filters, you know where to put a fullstop or put boundaries to others (many may wrongly label you because of this as cold or rude). You value your space and you don't let others' opinions of you affect you too much. People may see you as giving and also as deserving of good things. You look very warm-hearted, you probably support others in some way or volunteer. You trust your guts more often than not and people sees you as brave too. You look very collected and even after sharing a few words, they may fall for your mind and the way you articulate your words and thoughts. You're very determined and positive. You don't mind being seen for who you are or to comfort others through your personal experience. They see you as someone important in their life and many would like to keep you in their life for as long as possible. You may inspire others with your words and many may try to copy you or use your words as if they were theirs. You don't seem too annoyed though. You're not that easily annoyed or worried (or if you are at first, you have learned how to deal with it and look at it from a different perspective). You may even get haters but you don't give them what they want. [feels like you're kinda "famous" and have fans and haters, even just after first impressions]

song: what you heard | sonder

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pile 4 (this pile is longer but there's a reason)

You seem pretty reserved, even closed off. You probably are in an hermit period or you just don't trust others very much. It may be also that you're healing parts of yourself and you are more on your own, and despite you'd like to not feel alone, you kinda ended up into this cycle/habits of closing off to others. You may be a bit too fixed in your mentality. It's black or white and nothing else. You need to like or dislike something (or someone), there's no space for uncertainty... as if uncertainty was something unbearable. It feels too unsafe for you (root chakra unbalanced). You think through boxes. The fact that other possibilities may exist, seems a concept that is too far from you: the fact that grey may exists as well and be as correct as black or white, is strange... no, it's almost impossible. So this is what happens with people too: you may start talking with someone but if they don't check all the points of your list and think exactly as you even on things like pineapple on pizza, you kinda tell yourself "No, this is not a good person for me". But people are just people: they can have a trait that annoys us and we can still love them anyway. You need to learn on what you can compromise out of your values. Be a little more accepting and welcoming. If you don't let your guard down a little, nobody will dare to climb the walls you have buildt around you and will leave. Let's suppose you like someone and you'd like to know them better: would you like to have to do all the work by yourself? Come up with what to ask, where to go, and maybe not get any answer or reaction... it'd feel like they don't care and you're talking to a wall and wasting time, right? I'm sure this behaviour you have picked up originates from a trauma of some kind, so I hope you can find out how to deal with it and heal it, at least a bit. Step by step, slowly but with determination. Be kind with yourself if you fall back into that habit here and there on your path, it's fine. It's not something one stops doing in a day or a couple of months. Give yourself (and others) time. You immediately close off to others the moment you feel "betrayed" cause they say something you don't agree with... give them time to show you who they are for real and don't take it all so personally. It doesn't have to be all about you (not in a bad way, you may feel attacked by random comments/ideas cause you feel unsafe/don't agree and fear being pushed into the person's "dislike"-box. So you dislike them first to avoid that... but that's unnecessary). People do like you, they think very well of you all the times ("you're interesting"); but you need to stop worrying about their judgement and not scare them away cause of your fear of letting them in. Let in also people you may find different from you and may "trigger" you. You don't have to become close friends or have a romantic relationship with them (nor with anyone entering your life even just by chance), you can just have a chat and learn to be more open and accepting of other povs and thoughts (nobody is here to change yours, unless you feel the need to for yourself).

song: bravado | lorde

[little-miss-dilf-lover]

Matt x Fem!Reader she’s an ex-black widow, they’re on their first date after admitting they have feelings for each other and she’s freaking out because she’s never been on a date or in a relationship and has never been in love until she met Matt. He can tell she’s nervous and scared so he keeps reassuring her and they have their first kiss at end.🥺🫶🏻🫶🏻

hii!! I love this sm omg, so cute ugh! thank you for requesting, hope you like it💌

…

worth the wait

matt murdock x fem!reader

word count: 897

kinda imagined the location for matt and karens date, now just realised after writing that ^^ i unintentionally kinda copied a bit of the storyline (fuck?!😀)

✧.┊ MASTERLIST

As an ex-black widow, you've never had many opportunities to be human. Since the destruction of the Red Room all those years ago, you've been on a personal quest for happiness. And happiness's name just so happened to be called Matthew Murdock.

You haven't long professed your shared feelings, so things were still very new and terrifying. 

Matt's a great guy; that's not the issue. It was you. 

Since you've been a widow your whole life, you never got to experience things you should have. You've never been on an actual date or even dated someone, for that matter. 

You've never received spontaneous flowers or an 'I miss you' text that wakes you in the middle of the night. You've never had one of those cutesy dates you've always dreamed of- the kind you see in the movies, where you walk hand in hand down the beach at night. You've had no more than a few unrequited encounters, so things with Matt were a big deal to you. 

It was daunting to date someone as special as him, and you were scared of blowing it.

"Where'd you go?" Matt asks from opposite you, slipping his hand into yours above the table.

"Nowhere," you smile, rubbing your thumb over the back of his hand.

"Mhm, okay," he grins, his eyes playfully squinting. He could tell something was bothering you and playing on your mind, but he didn't want to press the matter- not yet, anyway. "You're doing great," Matt reassures, squeezing your hand as if to comfort you.

He knew you were new to the dating game, so he didn't want to rush or overwhelm you. He wanted to take his time with you. To allow time for you to adjust, to get used to it. He wanted to show you your worth and how you're supposed to be treated by someone, despite your troubled past. 

You knew all about Matt's upbringing, as he did yours. You knew these somewhat violent and graphic details about each other, and in some weird miracle, it didn't make the other want to run for hills. 

"I feel like I'm messing this up," you chuckle, suddenly feeling self-conscious.

"No," he shakes his head. "Absolutely not. You're doing great."

"I dunno,"

"You are sweetheart, trust me," he nods assuringly, playing with your fingers clasped around his.

As this was your first date with Matt, you were a big bundle of nerves and butterflies. It wasn't the company that scared you. It was because you were in such a fancy restaurant and constantly worried about saying the wrong thing.

"Hey, here's an idea," he starts, a soft smile lining his lips. "Let's go somewhere else."

"Why? What do you mean?" you ask, head cocking to the side.

He picks up your hand and brings it to his lips, pecking a kiss on the back of it. "I can tell this place is making you uneasy— and I don't want that," Matt shakes his head as if he's emphasising his point. "We can go someplace else, anywhere else."

"But we just got here— and you got the reservation and everything. I don't wanna be—"

"Not at all," he interrupts, smiling sweetly. "I think I'd prefer Thai food anyway."

You knew he only said that to avoid hurting your feelings, but it's a special gesture and one that didn't go unnoticed.

On the way back, you and Matt stopped by his favourite local Thai restaurant. As it was a much more casual setting, you felt like you could finally relax and enjoy your date with him. And you did.

...

After an hour or two of chatting and sharing dishes, Matt walked you back to yours. Your arm wrapped around his as you continue your juvenile conversation from earlier, heartily laughing as you make your way down the late-night street.

"This is me— that was stupid," you chuckle, shaking your head. "That's what they say in movies— it's— it's dumb."

"No, I thought it was cute," he smiles, slowly spinning you around to face him. "It was cute," he says again, reassuring you of self-deprecation.

Matt takes a small step towards you, slipping one hand to cup your cheek. "I had a good night," he grins, speaking inches away from you.

"I did, too," you smile, placing your hand over his, holding him to your face.

"I want to take you out again sometime, maybe friday?"

"I'd like that," you murmur, your eyes darting down at his lips. 

He says something incoherent before guiding your face to his, brushing over your lips. He kisses you soft and tender, sweet and loving. A grace of compassion you've never had before. He snakes his spare hand to your waist, holding you to him as he lightly works over your lips. 

He breaks the kiss first and rests his forehead against yours, soaking in the memory as he embraces your comforting aura. He kisses your cheek one last time before stepping back, opening your front door. 

"I'll stop by tomorrow during my lunch break," he grins, taking your hand and guiding you into your house. 

"I'll make us sandwiches," you smile back.

He slips his hand from yours, kissing it one last time. 

"Text me when you get home?" 

"I will, sweetheart. Goodnight,"

"Goodnight." You beam, locking the door with an excited squeal.

Maybe Matt was worth the wait. 

— — — — — — — — — — ☆ — — — — — — — — — —

matt taglist: @hailey-murdock @ashlynhasmanyhyperfixations @idontknowwhattohaveasmyuser @redecoratestan @kpopgirlbtssvt @scarletsloveletter @princess-pebbles-things @messymissy @schneeflocky @readerhead @thegreengoop @charmedkim @queerponcho @selfryed

[starryylies]

Hiii omg !! I love your writing smsm !! The way you write is so real and similar to the way that I do and I get way too self conscious to post so I made a blog separate from my old one for hopefully publishing stories !! Smut usually makes me uncomfortable but yours feels like it's happening between real people if that makes sense. Like some people write their stories and it never feels like people really say those things but I love your writing sm- 🫀

OMG HELLO!!! I’m so so so so so sorry for replying late, the last few days are hectic cuz of exams ahh my f the result showing :(

And like I think this is one of the best compliments I’ve received regarding my works. I often felt like I was pushing it or smtn cuz I don’t really have ‘experience’ like I’ve only fantasised or thought about it. so I always thought I was fucking up but this is one of the best thing ever, thank you so much

And I get wym when I read about Nsfw stuff I always feel uneasy, not because it’s badly written it’s because it seems so perfect.

From what I’ve learned from others regarding their real life experiences is that sex is not perfect apparently it’s very goofy many times cuz half the time you kinda fuck up but they say it’s ok.

Plus I guess I’ve always felt lacking or have insecurities regarding my body/looks so I try my best to insert the embarrassment/insecurity in my fics accompanied w/ praise. (It’s very self indulgent tbh)

And also I get it, even I get really self conscious like whenever i post all I can think of is how many likes or how many people will like it and all but I still do it anyways even if I think my post will not do well I still post cuz like if I won’t try I won’t know. And after I post I try (try: keyword) to keep my phone away so I don’t constantly check the amount of likes. This helps me I hope it can help u too but If it doesn’t it’s ok!! My chats are always open

So yea sorry for ranting but thank u so much and if anyone has smut suggestions pls do send. And like again thank you so much my day wasn’t that good hearing this made me feel so much better, you really don’t know how thankful I am to all of you guys who like my work.

THANK YOU TO ALL OF YOU GUYS AS WELL

And thank you I hope you have an awesome day 🩷

[carmenlire]

I hate my job. forget all the usual complaints about people telling me they don't have inboxes while logged into gmail and the website they need to go to is actually an email address but I just.

I was helping this guy and it was just a regular interaction, with him being moderately annoying as is usual. well at the end of me scanning his papers he, out of nowhere says "wow ur so beautiful." and in my head I'm just yelling fuck!!!! because whyyyyy do men do this shit, especially when I'm at work like u r nothing but a customer to me and I will happily forget you the second I walk away. and ofc tonight my manager is working and she's like 5 feet away at the computer desk so like double fml. it's just so awkward and I feel so put on the spot and gross, you know?

well I just say thank you and take a step back (because again the interaction is done) and he doesn't take a hint but instead goes on to ask me if I have a boyfriend. I just say no and walk away.

and coworkers always say I should just lie and say yes but 1) I'm very weird about lying even as an adult and 2) something in me just resists saying I have a boyfriend so much. I'd (almost??) rather say I have a girlfriend but obviously i'm not doing that at work. idk it's almost like it feels more dishonest to say yes i have a boyfriend? but also i said no take a hint!

he didn't take a hint. he called me back over by saying he needed help with something else, which whatever, but no!! he said "u said no what does that mean. do you have a man or not" and again my manager is right there and it's so quiet in the library and i just said no again. and he pressed me AGAIN and finally i just said "i'm not having this conversation with you" and inside i was shaking? hmm that may be too much but i was just so deeply uncomfortable. and the minute i said that i feel like he got pissed-- and i saw my manager whip her head over to me. i just walked away and went to the workroom and my manager came in a few minutes later and was extremely supportive.

i just feel so gross about it all. why do men do this at work?? where i can't escape?? where my customer service rebels against the very idea of being firm or doing anything that a customer could view negatively even if rationally i know that me and my wellbeing? my sense if self? comes first (even if i know it isn't that deep).

tonight was the first time i've said no and walked away and also the first time i said point blank i'm not having this conversation. it felt good even if doing so was almost unbearably embarrassing? i was sitting in the back after my manager talked to me and i just felt. . . embarrassed.

and i KNOW this is wrong but i feel so self conscious like- do i dress provocatively at work? is it my fault? are coworkers judging me for my appearance like i'm inviting this to happen, like i want men to hit on me? i wanna ask a coworker if they think i should dress more conservatively but i was literally wearing black dress pants, a black sweater, and loafers. but were my clothes too tight? am i a complete unprofessional?

and then the whole queer thing is an entirely separate dimension. i tweet about it to vent when it happens but just-- the idea that men perceive me in such a way, especially when i am never aware of it, when i am doing nothing to cater to them, just makes me so uneasy. every time a guy hits on me at work i feel betrayed almost? like we are just customer service worker and customer. i literally dislike 99% of all people i talk to at work. and when they do this it just makes me feel like the rug has been pulled out from under me and the question of boyfriend just kinda makes my skin crawl.

[asvterias]

𝖣𝗋𝗂𝗏𝖾 𝖬𝖾 𝖢𝗋𝖺𝗓𝗒 ~ 𝖢𝗅𝖺𝗋𝗂𝗌𝗌𝖾 𝖫𝖺 𝖱𝗎𝖾

clarisse masterlist

warnings: nothing really!!

pairings: clarisse la rue ✘ black!fem!demigod!reader (daughter of aphrodite)

genres: friends to lovers, i hate everyone but you trope, flirty!clarisse, sad!reader, reader is described as aphrodite’s favorite daughter, clarisse and reader are fools in love without realizing it, angsty start but a happy ending, detailed kissing, depictions of internalized homophobia (on reader’s part)

summary: a situationship rooted from flirty glances and lingering touches overstimulated y/n’s feelings for her dear friend, clarisse. until it ends up with y/n avoiding her, confusing clarisse by the sudden change and she snaps, leading her confrontation to an angsty love confession.

word count: 4.7k+

author’s note: hey, @foreverwinterz i hope you like it, sorry for almost taking an whole month working on this! this oneshot kinda feels mediocre i’m ngl, but i wanted to get something out for you guys. also angsty love confessions >>>

tag list: @lvrue @kyuupidwrites @xanasaurusrex @urdeadpoet @aurorailvsm @quinnsadilla @st4rzl7@p0rkbun @star-girl69 @aphroditesmoon @sinmalssimp @lcvved @tinytea-biscut @dearlydarlings @rocknr0ll @nvirskies @k4zuhas-visi0n @urbisexualfriend @marlswhore @anominous-writer @lovelyy-moonlight @thegiganticgirlkisser @thewritingbarbie @apocalypticlibrary @solecitoszn @mira-belcul18 @ampitrit3 @mthefae @sleighingstella @korizzybee @hoku-k @lacytalks @liv444me @lila-went-missing @mariposa555 @cherriesnbutter @justintinderlake4 @natasha-took-fall-damage @b0ok-lover @novastarrs @urfavefag @babyzzlove @importantpotato @laughingcheese037 @iheartamberfreeman @karslyn @haerinfrr @gianni7867 @jimfiqs

requested from a mutual!

You and Clarisse were close, closer than she ever thought you two would be. Truth be told because of Clarisse’s reputation at camp half-blood, she was mostly feared or intimidated by the other campers but it seemed like you didn’t care about it, and that made Clarisse intrigued about you, deeply intrigued.

With your first introduction of another fierce Ares daughter, your impression of her was a neutral view. You found her to be hostile almost always on edge, continually looking over her shoulder. Somehow your natural bond charmed Clarisse and you two became closer, understanding each other more, learning about the other’s past, and soon she felt comfortable relaxing around you.

Almost every day there were certain glances were exchanged between the two of you. At first, your eyes would frantically dart everywhere and you felt your heart skip a beat whenever you met her powerful gaze. When Clarisse realizes your flustered state, she’d silently laugh and wink at you, the glint in her eyes made you lightly swoon over and rethink about later on that night. With the thought still running wild in your memory, you squeal into your pillow as you happily drift off into sleep.

In another case, you two made eye contact and invested with each other until someone eventually broke the gaze by interrupting either you or her. Whether it was a glance or stare, Clarisse had you absolutely flustered.

That girl was on your mind 24/7, and who were you to complain?

As a child of Aphrodite, you were blessed to find and experience love, discovering them even in the most unexpected ways.

Those wholesome days sent you over the moon, but as you became more self-conscious, you grew uneasy. Uneasy about yourself…uneasy about your sexuality, your whole identity. Do you like girls? There was no way that you liked girls…right? No, no, no! You couldn’t like them. More importantly, you became very uneasy about who your upcoming crush unexpectedly was.

However, with those doe brunette eyes of hers, those plump lips of hers, and her electrifying touch you couldn’t help but swoon over the Ares girl. She was too tempting, even more impossible to resist. You wanted her but you couldn’t have her, not in the way you needed her. She was so close to you and yet you were so far.

Quick to identify some logical reason for your overthinking and it all traced back to Clarisse, somehow always revolving around her. Knowing what had to be done, you shoved all of your feelings for the curly-haired girl and treated her like a regular friend.

For the next few days, you began to distance yourself away from Clarisse, slowly each time so she wouldn’t recognize the pattern and spark the curiosity in her, leading up to questions. The same questions you refused to honestly answer towards her. You were too scared to speak your true feelings and opted for the easier way. Clarisse noticed your absence from her too, and she became worried. At first, she had thought that her mean-girl reputation was too much for you to handle.

One of your powers enabled you to manipulate love and desire to your will. Your half-siblings offered to use that power on Clarisse so that she’ll fall in love with you but you refused to adhere to that suggestion. You wanted her feelings to be real and of her own accord, because if you do that, your relationship with her would just be a whole faux.

Nobody guessed how truly dangerous Aphrodite’s kids can become when love is involved. You can twist or bargain any kind of relationship either way, and they would be clueless about the power under them.

Now it seemed like you hated Clarisse, your actions only proving her point.

For instance, your attitude was more snarky towards her and she noticed you flinching away at her touch. Her eyebrows would furrow in confusion at your sudden switch up but still, she didn’t make a fuss about it not wanting to overstep any boundaries of yours.

Surely, it wasn’t a good day for you and she just managed to appear at the wrong time. Clarisse highly encouraged herself with those types of excuses for you, banishing those unwelcome thoughts of your friendship coming to a horrible end. The Ares girl felt her stomach drop at the mere thought of it, but then again, you weren’t one to intentionally be mean to people, specifically to Clarisse. Yet again, she just brushed your attitude off, convincing herself of another lame excuse.

Despite Clarisse’s persistent attempts to engage in conversation with you, you always manage to find a solution to escape her. Even when she tries to corner you and demand that you talk to her, you resort to sharing a silly lie before quickly scurrying away. Without a doubt, Clarisse’s frustration is palpable once she realizes that she has lost you in the same manner in which she had caught you earlier. A sense of defeat permeates the air, and a deep sigh escapes her lips as she intensely watches your figure until it fades away from her eyesight. Any more excuses from you and she was determined to get a massive migraine.

Why were you refusing to talk to her? Did she do something wrong? If so, she wanted to figure out the problem and solve it. Anything for you to talk to her again. Out of everyone at this camp, Clarisse liked you, and she wasn’t going to lose you over some stupid reason. The Ares girl was dedicated to talking with you, especially if that stupid reason involved the stability of your relationship, Clarisse simply refused to lose you!

But not this time, no! You were going to talk to her. You weren’t leaving until she had the truth spilling from your lips, nothing but sincerity in your beautiful eyes. She was determined to make you speak to her again. Once an Ares child puts their mind to something; or in Clarisse’s case: someone, nobody’s able to stop them from succeeding.

Luckily, a perfect opportunity appeared when there was a monthly bonfire later that same week. The day finally arrived and Clarisse had never felt so isolated from you, this was the longest you had avoided her, and it felt like extreme hell for her.

“Hey, risse,” One of Clarisse’s younger brothers, Malcolm, called out to her, “Isn’t that your girlfriend?” He teases, pointing a finger in the direction of your cabin.

“She’s not my girlfriend, you idiot!”

“I bet you wish she was.” Malcolm smiles, nudging her shoulder.

“You have no idea…” she murmurs to herself.

Instantly Clarisse’s eyes followed, settling into you standing at your cabin’s porch, presumably waiting on your sisters. It was a warm night of the week, you just had gotten your twists redone and wore a simple shirt, pairing it off with denim shorts and black converse shoes.

Your jewelry shined, and it wasn’t any random jewelry either, it was the same necklace Clarisse had forged up for you. Your necklace consisted of both of your initials, which outlined a heart with two small pieces of diamonds symmetrically down the middle.

Technically speaking, she hadn’t created the pendant herself, building trinkets and things wasn’t her exact criteria, and instead paid one of Hephaestus’ children to make it. Although she had bad blood with most of Hephaestus’ children, she pushed her pride aside and worked on being friendly for your sake.

The Ares girl held a precise intention of the pendant’s detail in her head, wanting the mighty significance and appearance to last for eternity. She even went as far as to give Rebecca a poorly written sketch of the supposed necklace.

Luckily, Rebecca understood the sketch, yanking both the paper-drawn sketch and essential payment out of Clarisse’s hands, hastily ushering her out of the workshop. The blonde girl gave Clarisse an estimated time, which only lasted a week, and Clarisse came to pick up the necklace gifted in a plaid dark red box.

To Clarisse, it wasn’t just a necklace you wore, it was a symbol of her love for you, something that she necessarily isn’t open to. It expressed her love languages through gift-giving and acts of service.

The silver pendant complimented your outfit, but then again, everything you wore complimented you in the most possible way. Clarisse’s eyes never left yours, even when you walked off with your sisters to the bonfire.

There were assortments of many different foods, decorating various long dinner tables, and many buzzing campers.

You sat beside your older half-sisters, Piper and Silena, near the huge bonfire, clearly invested in the conversation as you snacked on s’mores. Sharing a close bond with your two sisters, you three did everything together, confessed your crushes, and schemed to get with them. Of course, they were very aware of your oblivious crush on the familiar Ares girl, often teasing you with knowing smirks and raised eyebrows to indicate that Clarisse was near. Only Silena and Piper had been successful, overcoming their courage to ask out their crush, and now they’re both happy and content in their relationships. So it was only who remained quiet, not mouthing a word to Clarisse.

Clarisse sat a few feet apart from you, directly staring across at you. Throughout your entire conversation with your sisters, you felt her gaze lingering on you, and the intensity was burning the side of your face. It made you feel special, feel loved, feel seen by Clarisse, but this wasn’t the healthy way of coping; to keep being led on. No, you were only going backward. You didn’t want to go backward either, striving to move forward and only hoped that Clarisse would find it in her heart to move forward too, even if it meant leaving you behind as much as it hurt your heart.

Your eyes flicker to her and Clarisse felt her heart jump in excitement, momentarily breaking eye contact, looking down in her lap as she blushes, smiling insanely to herself.

Great, I got her to look over here! Clarisse thought, silently rejoicing.

Quickly looking up at you, her smile wavers as she realizes your attention was no longer on her, she felt a gut punch to the stomach, swallowing down her pride.

The Ares girl watches you whisper something in Piper’s ear and she nods reassuringly, placing a comforting hand on your shoulder. For a minute, Clarisse swore that your eyes quickly glanced over at you, guiding her to follow you. And just like that, the minute was gone and you started to walk away. Her eyes travel your figure leaving the campsite and heading towards the lake.

The Ares girl swiftly sprung up from her seat on the log, wiping off the sandy residue from her jeans, and chased on after you.

She will talk to you, and you’ll be listening, whether you like it or not!

The wind blew gently, almost blowing you a kiss, giving you a serene aura, and lessening down your worries. Staring at the lake water ahead of you, it was calm for a chilly night, almost convincing for a late-night swim but you refrained from doing so, maybe another night. Your feet dragged against the sand, tiny particles collecting underneath your toes as you walked alongside the shore. You had ditched your shoes with your sisters, needing to be one with the earth, and cleansed your mind.

Your attention was captured by finding a stick and drawing in the thick sand from whatever came to mind. For a while, drawing in the sand kept you sane as your thoughts ran wild about Clarisse.

It was only when your mind had been completely consumed by her that you discarded the stick and shifted your gaze to the night sky. You breathed in the beautiful view above, sitting comfortably on the sand with your knees brought up to your chest. The stars in the sky were beautiful, not as beautiful as your Clarisse—

Stop Y/N, you left the bonfire to get Clarisse off your mind!

You did love her, platonically at first but then as you both grew older so did your progressing feelings for her. Is this really what you wanted? To avoid Clarisse for the entire time at camp until your unrequited feelings die down? Not really, but it’s a risk that you’re willing to take. Besides, sparing your feelings for the sake of your friendship was something you vowed to keep. You couldn’t stand the thought of losing a great friendship over some mere feelings. No! You refused, your friendship with Clarisse was too precious to ruin. Crushes fade, they always do, so you should be over her in no time! Except that your love felt stronger whenever thinking or talking about her, gosh why was she so hard to get over?

Your overthinking drowned out the overwhelming sadness until you recognized the tears trickling down your face.

“Gods, you drive me so crazy, La Rue…” You sniffle, bringing your arm to your face, and wiping away the incoming tears.

Clarisse’s footsteps went unnoticed as did her sudden presence. “What are you doing out all alone?”

A chill ran down your spine at the familiar voice, your eyes widened in surprise as you rushed to stand up and face her.

“Thinking about life.” You honestly replied, plastering on a neutral expression, and crossing your arms. “What are you following me now?”

“Yes..” She brazenly replied, matching your energy. You scoffed at her sarcastic response, kicking the stick away, and began to walk away on the shoreline of the lake.

It was quite surprising to see Clarisse follow after you, wanting to keep track of her whereabouts so you wouldn’t mysteriously disappear from her again. She had to talk to you, this was the perfect night to do so and she wasn’t leaving unless you talked to her.

“It's the only way I could get you to talk to me!” She defends herself, plastering on a neutral expression.

“Hmmm….not a chance. I’m leaving!” You turned, heading towards the direction of the cabins.

“Y/N, I wanna talk this out!”

She was hot on your trail, and it only began to annoy you even further. Why can’t she just leave you alone? Out of all the times she chose to be concerned, why now? The sand wasn’t even making it easier for you, turning thicker with every step you take, slowing your speedy pace much to Clarisse’s amusement.

“But I don’t!”

Suddenly, she appears in front of you, ultimately halting any new attempts to escape her. “Okay, what crawled up your pants today, why are you being extra bitchy towards me?”

“I’m extra bitchy today?” You repeat her words, scowling as you do so.

“Yeah, you are and normally I’d find it completely hot or usually I’m more bitchier than you,” she explains, quirking an eyebrow, sauntering towards you. Her cocky voice wavers away as a genuine tone appears and her eyes softened, “Why have you been avoiding me for these past couple of days? Did I do or say something wrong, if so please tell me what I did wrong so I can figure this out, so we can go back to normal? I like us together.”

“That’s exactly why we can’t go back to normal. I don’t think that we’ll ever be normal after this!”

“Hold up, I’m extremely confused.” Clarisse backtracks, eyebrows knitted together.

As you looked at Clarisse, you felt a surge of emotion rises within you. You were angry, frustrated, and above all, helpless. “I hate the gods for making me this way!” you yelled, your voice laden with emotion. Tears started to well up in your eyes, but you quickly blinked them away, not wanting any sympathy from Clarisse right now without any interference. You knew you needed to be strong, to keep your emotions in check, but it was so hard when every fiber of your being was fighting against you.

The feeling of being unable to think clearly when in her presence was something that you strongly disliked. Even in your dreams, she appeared repeatedly, almost like a daydream that you couldn't shake off. Your mind was growing hazy, abandoned by your train of common thought, you stumble for words, and once again, embarrassing yourself in front of your crush.

“For making you what?” To be exact, Clarisse was confused by your actions. Your outburst had initially shocked her and yet she kept a straight face, keeping her guard up.

Finally mustered the courage to express your feelings, despite feeling nervous and vulnerable. You inhaled deeply, your heart was racing as you stumbled over your words, trying to convey the depth of your emotions. Eventually, you managed to blurt it out, might as well make it quick and easy, “For making me feel this way… to like you, a girl.” you stuttered, your voice barely above a whisper, hesitantly glimpsing at Clarisse. The weight of your confession felt heavy on your chest, making your stomach twist and turn with remorse at your own words.

You witnessed the visible hurt displayed on Clarisse’s face, and your heart ached in devastation, betrayed that you’d be the cause of her pain. The hurt was clearly written all over her face, the pain evident in her eyes which quickly vanished into a stoic expression that she uses almost instinctively. Certainly, she uses that as a mechanism and has mastered it perfectly.

For a moment, it seemed like Clarisse was about to say something, but the words didn’t come out. She just stood there, silently processing the blow that had just been dealt to her. Out of all people, she didn’t expect you to berate her like this, to cause her emotional pain. Clarisse would be lying if that sentence didn’t strike her heart heavily as the tension grew heavy as thick fog on the coldest of nights.

Gods, it wasn’t fair! Your sisters have their happy endings, so why couldn’t the same happen to you? You didn’t ask much from your mother, staying humble and praying to her for the simplest things, never overstepping any boundaries. You did everything that was blatantly instructed to you, and you proceeded with no further questions or complaints. Perhaps, that’s why Aphrodite claimed you as her favorite child; her favorite daughter whenever she appeared in your dreams. Why is it that the one time you need your mother, she isn’t here to help you? Out of all the times, why isn’t she here to help her supposedly favorite daughter?!

For crying out loud, you were the daughter of Aphrodite, and yet you’re here struggling to find love with the girl of your dreams. As of this moment, you felt like a complete phony right now, destined to be unrequited in love.

“And what’s wrong with liking a girl?” Clarisse questioned, her tone was light with concern. Her stomach felt uneasy as she awaited your answer and gulped down her sadness. “What’s wrong with liking me?” she reworded with a touch of genuine sadness. Where was all this coming from? Is this why you were avoiding her because you were discovering your feelings?

“And…what else?” The Ares girl trailed off with an arched eyebrow, desperate to be aware. Please don’t leave me in suspense, Clarisse thought.

Letting out an exhausted sigh, you decided to come clean, it wouldn’t matter in the end anyway. “You won’t ever like me back, only truly see me as a friend and that breaks my heart beyond measure knowing that my true feelings can never be reciprocated,” you explain, voice cracking between multiple words as you try to contain the tears from coming out, “Or that I’ve realized that I’m falling desperately in love with you so much that we can’t coexist in peace.”

“Shit, this was so pathetic.” you blow a breath, cringing at yourself a few seconds ago. your voice betrayed you, “I feel like such a fucking idiot.” Your eyes remained glued to the ground as the tears blurred your vision, unable to look Clarisse in the eye. How could you have the confidence to look at her? Not right after you just blatantly embarrassed yourself, probably for the next few months, making your friendship (even if there is still one after) more awkward than before.

“It wasn’t pathetic,” Clarisse shyly admits, walking closer.

Her finger touches your chin, easily lifting it and your thick eyelashes flutter at her. Your beautiful (e/c) glistened underneath the moonlight, somehow radiating the adoration you felt towards her in the moment.

“I was the idiot for not recognizing your feelings sooner.” you blinked multiple times, trying to clear the tears away. This time you wiped away every tear with one final wipe of your hand.

“And if I’d known that you felt the same way, I would have asked you out a long time ago.”

Her words shocked you to the core, and your heart skipped a beat, eyes immediately dilated. The surprise increased in your dilated eyes as you released a gasp. Does she return the same sentiment for you? The ‘same crush is falling in love with you’ type of feelings for you? This couldn’t be real. Certainly, you were dreaming, right? Clarisse La Rue confesses her love for you, in a genuine tone, all without the hostility she usually gave to others.

The silence between them was palpable, but it wasn’t awkward or uncomfortable - instead, it was a longing silence, for them to realize that they were both needed for each other, that they were both meant for each other. Passing the boundaries of friendship and exploring the new boundaries of a romantic loving relationship. It was scary, and you could tell Clarisse was feeling hesitant about it, weighing both of your worries.

There was a long pause, as you figured out your response to her statement. “Wait..what?”

“You heard me, sweetheart.” her touch still lingers underneath your chin as you make eye contact with her. You gulped silently and shuffled on your feet awkwardly, your mind completely blank.

As Clarisse analyzed your movements thoroughly, her smirk instantly formed on her lips. You didn’t fail to notice her consuming ego grow larger by the minute and you only helped encourage it.

“Do I truly make you this nervous, darling?” She bit down on her lower lip, glancing at your eyes and slowly traveling down to your plumpy lips.

Going by instinct, you shook your head agreeing with her question. All of a sudden, you regained your confidence right after and snapped out of her trance. You shove her hand away, “Stop doing that!” you seethed, anger replacing your lovesick mood.

“Doing what?” Of course, her question was rhetorical. You could tell that she was urging you to further elaborate at your own pace but was doing so without your knowledge.

“Doing that teasing ‘I like you’ or saying those cheesy nicknames.”

“I only say those cheesy nicknames because of you.”

“Can we just pretend that this didn’t happen?”

Thinking that this could all be a blissful reality, where you accept your feelings for her, and Clarisse returns them. Maybe you let yourself fall deeper in love than you intended. Or maybe, just maybe this was the reality and you were hesitant to acknowledge it.

“Why would I do that?” her question piquéd curiously, “I don’t ever want to forget this conversation if it’s the beginning of our relationship.”

“Well, I do! It was already enough for me to put my heart on the line and now you’re screwing with my head!”

“Do you really have to make me say it, Y/N?”

“Say what?”

“Being naive for the right reasons is adorable on you,” she reminds you before getting a grip of herself. Her humor fades away as a solemn look replaces it, “That I like you too!”

“You still refuse to believe me, don’t you?”

Once again, your eyes avoided her gaze, almost ashamed to answer her.

She steps closer, resting a hand on your cheek, caressing the soft flesh, admiring you. Underneath the moonlight, your eyes glistened, somehow radiating off the adoration onto Clarisse herself. Clarisse felt like the teenage girl she was meant to be, a normal human being. To experience love without the dangers of reality and monsters coexisting, ruining relationships along the way. She is deeply infatuated with just one girl, you, her girl. Her one and only girl. Her forever girl.

Once you really got to know her, you’d understand why her personality is so cold. Never expresses vulnerability because she was forced, seemingly taught that way by her father. Either to be a power force not to be reckoned with, or not to be reckoned by the ultimate power force. Generally speaking, you were classified as the force, and Clarisse as not being reckoned with. You saw her as she truly is, with all of her flaws and you valued her.

“Maybe this will feel real,” she mutters, and before you can question her, she shuts you up in a meaningful manner, pulling you closer by the collar of your shirt, and pressing your lips against hers.

Too stunned to react, you reciprocated the kiss as your eyes fluttered closed, melting into it. The kiss became more ferocious as her hands moved downwards, pulling you by the waist closer.

Your hands caress her face, gently rubbing on her smooth skin as the kiss deepens. Soon enough, the kiss started to become intimate, hands wandering across the other, her lips were absolutely alluring. It was too much to handle, too hot to handle for either of you, but that was a stupid thought disappearing at the back of your mind as the makeout intensified, too engrossed with the warmth provided. Your lips pressed firmly against her lips, molding perfectly together, but the intense passion didn’t stop the makeout, it was the lack of air that was desperately needed. Releasing the grip on your shirt as her hands wander downward to your waist, engulfing your body, and maintaining your balance. You heave, attempting to control your breathing as Clarisse sticks her tongue in your mouth, ignoring the need for oxygen. You were her supply of oxygen that she desperately craved, and now she had you. She wasn’t too keen on letting you go, not now and not never.

It was only when you pinched her cheek slightly, hinting at the lack of air, very roughly Clarisse pulled away from the kiss.

“Now if that didn’t explain how much I like you, I don’t know what will.” She gasped, staring at you.

“S-should we get back to the bonfire?” You stutter.

“Bonfire?” She squints her eyes, questioning your judgment, “You wanna go back to the bonfire? After we made out?”

“What do you suggest we do?”

“Start dating and continue to make out.”

“I love that idea.”

likes, comments, and reblogs are highly appreciated!

© asvterias, 2024. please do not copy, repost, or translate any of my works onto any other platforms without my permission.

[star-mum]

Kinda Crazy to be not in the wrong ig (friends can be fun to hang with AND be terrible to you)

Actually shared with my sister what happened and when she said "I have a controversial opinion" I thought she'd say I was overreacting and not that I "should've stopped talking to that girl ages ago" huh maybe it's not a silly reason to be upset after all

like hey remember that time she invited me over to her house and not 2 hours later asked me to leave cause she had to go out with other friends

or when she said she "had" to go somewhere when we set up to call/watch smth together and then let slip in class to our other friend that she went to play volleyball with those same friends from the other time

or when I shared with her I had tried an at home workout and the warm up was very difficult and she shared that to our (male) friend in a jabbing tone (making even him a bit uncomfortable, to the point where he tried to softly defend me)

OR !!! when she insisted I went to a coffee shop with her and her boyfriend and went quiet and got an attitude in the middle of the outing (even when we kept trying to engage her in the conversation)

OR in that same outing when she shared a video of the move we tried at muay thai that week and laughed to her bf about how I barely got it done, even though when we were at the gym I was self conscious about it and she reassured me that it was an advanced move and I was doing very good for a beginner because me getting along with her boyfriend "made her jealous" (girl i don't want you bf) (i don't even know how YOU want him) (im here cause you asked me to and im making an effort to be nice)

OR when even tho we had made plans to go see a movie together on the weekend, she said yes to an invite to go to a bar on the same day and overall time of the movie IN FRONT OF ME

OR !! when we made plans to watch Spider Verse together and she texted me before we could go and said her bf "bought different tickets" without her seeing and so they saw ATSV instead

OR when her boyfriend was very rude to me for no reason in front of our entire class and SHE came to me later to apologize FOR HIM cause "he lashed out cause he's going through a lot"

OR when I was crying (which I don't really do often, specially not in public) one that same day and she felt conflicted in staying with (when I ALWAYS make sure she's okay on the hundreds of times she left class or called me crying) or staying with her bf who was "a little bit upset" (he had to tell her to go talk to me)

or when she does something that bothers or annoys me and I communicate it to her (like we agreed we'd do, so neither of us get that uneasy anxious feeling) and she says stuff like "you dont hate me now right?" or "im sorry im such an awful friend" or "I'll understand if you dont wanna be my friend anymore" making me compartmentalize my own bad feelings to reassure her (even tho she's in the wrong)

OR !! For completely disregarding the plans we made to watch this show (that i was very excited to see your reactions to) together, only to watch almost half of it with ur boyfriend literally the night before AND keep me waiting all day for a reply the next day, only to be very nonchalant about the mean thing you did

OR !! always making me bend over backwards to fit into her "busy schedule" but not making the effort of CREATING time for me in her schedule

I'm gonna be enjoying the end of this lovely Carnaval week (god bless national holidays) with a clean conscience and will be amicable when returning to class on monday (at best)

is so weird to actually get older sister advice cause i have a "old wise character" syndrome where I think I know everything (I failed to do what past me did at 16 without even flinching) (it'll be weird to cut this person out of my life) (but I will not stay where I'm clearly not wanted) (well... maybe wanted but not treated with care and love)

[shadowdecidueye]

Alright now that I'm on desktop I can slap down a read more. keeping it relatively spoiler free in case the gamers decide to look but there will be vague spoilers that won't really make sense unless you Know.

also this is. such a long infodump girl help they got me good

Where do I begin... hrm

Jullus is like. so... Normal it almost intimidates Lucian sometimes. Like, yeah, Lucy used to have a husband (not really "official", but they considered themselves such) who was also Just a Guy but it's been so long, Lucy is an entirely different 'person' now. it's had a few crushes or brief romances throughout its adventures but nothing very committed

Even more so with all of this adventuring stuff and all that WoL business. It kinda just. doesn't really feel sure. basically everyone Lucy has fallen in love with recently has died. Falling in love with Jullus feels like a death sentence.

but... it's not, and hoo boy is Jullus gonna have things to say about that.

Jullus thinks Lucian is weird as fuck. He also thinks it needs a hug as much as he does, so this works out for them. After ye end of days it's kinda hard to be phased by Lucian, and having been around so much death and confronting the sins of the empire, Jullus can't really cast judgement on Lucian for needing to eat, so he doesn't. He just doesn't want to talk about it.

He is very curious, though. I think there's a lot of tempered soldiers who simply couldn't be saved, and I think Lucian deals with those. Jullus watches, once or twice, and it makes him horribly uneasy. It's terrible to know. He can't look away. He could be scared. He isn't.

Lucian is more scared of itself than he is. They're both shy in different ways. Jullus, because it's embarrassing to be so vulnerable to someone else, and Lucian because it's incredibly self-conscious about the whole being a Monster thing. Lucy kind of lacks that emotional self-awareness that Jullus has, and isn't shy about its feelings for him in the slightest. It takes a bit for Jullus to finally reciprocate, just because Lucy is so earnest it catches him completely off guard. For a while he's just in disbelief about it, almost more willing to believe it was messing with him.

But he's curious, and Lucian hasn't given him a reason to distrust it. Well, maybe it has, but it's his friend now. They share a lot of little moments in Garlemald. [gestures at all the things ive written for em] I think the hair brushing has been my favorite little thing. Making little connections that get woven together into a big ol web of "I think I could do things with you forever"

Both of them are a bit preoccupied with other matters usually, though, and nothing's ever really made 'official' - labels? who needs em. they're besties. so what if they cuddle by the fire or give each other little kisses when they pass each other by during tasks? "boyfriends?" you said it, not them

in all seriousness, I think they would just... accidentally skip the whole, talk about "what are we to each other". It keeps Jullus up sometimes, like hey wait a minute. ARE we boyfriends now?? Lucian doesn't think about it at all. Neither think it really matters. Until Alisaie starts teasing them about it.

Before the whole. Brand new adventure post EDW, Lucian goes back to Tertium. It's so, so tired, and weighs a fraction of what it usually does - to the point Jullus can carry it, which is almost scary. Garlemald has always been home to Lucy, even before the Garleans made it their home, too. It loves the cold, and Jullus is there, so win/win. Jullus can't neglect his responsibilities in Tertium - and he doesn't - but he spends every spare moment with Lucian there, he's worried for it.

Lucian... almost runs away from this. He's grateful, and he's never felt so loved. Which is... the problem. I think immediate post-EDW gives it a bit of a crisis, not really for any major reasons, it's just so weak for a while that its emotional regulation evaporates. Jullus so earnestly doting on it gets overwhelming and brings that pesky little tide of "Oh, I do Not Deserve This" emotions. it's ok, though. Jullus gives it a loving bonk on the head.

He's also endlessly amused at being able to break Lucian's composure by just being earnest. Lucian does it back to him. he's easy to fluster.

not sure what else to put here... hmmm... i'll be back eventually ?

having some gay little musings abt jullus and lucian... maybe i'll come back and share some after i go make a coffee

[seiyasabi]

Fixation

(This is a Yandere Yelena x Fem Reader story ;)) This takes place in a Modern AU outside of the anime, and I won’t justify my reasoning lmao 

TW: Coercion, !Drugging!, Manipulation, !Noncon!, !Dubcon!, Daddy kink (ehehe), spanking, she’s a straight up Dom w her tall ass, kinda a meanie, degradation!, handcuffs!, use of sex toys!, Overstim!, size kink!, dumbification?, unwanted filming!, etc.. 

Proceed with caution! Sorry if this is too self indulgent lmao, when women (lesbians) talk to me, I become the biggest idiot to ever exist :)) ) 

Today wasn’t the best day to wear a skirt. 

Begrudgingly smoothing down the lilac fabric of your skirt, you huff indignantly. All you wanted to do was look cute for your crush, Marco, but it seems that that was too much to ask for. 

Your white sweater, at least, keeps you somewhat warm from the harsh wind. It’s tucked into the waistband of your high waisted skirt, and your thigh high socks push the fat of your cute thighs out slightly. The sound of your white sneakers against the pavement is drowned out by your classmates’ loud voices, and you’re seemingly unaware of a certain black-eyed glare. 

Seeing your classroom come into view, you hurry inside, sliding into your lab assigned seat. Eyeing the dark haired male of your dreams, you can’t help but sigh pathetically at the fact that he hasn’t noticed you. Up until recently, the two of you were great friends-always hanging out and texting one another. But, the moment the both of you picked up this class, everything changed. 

Hearing the seat next to you slide open, you glance up at your seatmate. Smiling up at the tall woman, you greet her kindly, “Hi, Lena! How’re you today?” 

The Russian exchange student smirks down at you, as she plops onto the seat, “Good, now that you’re here.” 

Laughing at her gruff words, you wave her off, “You always say that,” Zipping open your backpack, you pull out your class notes, “What’re you going to do this weekend?”

Her smirk widens, dark eyes gleaming, “Why? Asking me on a date?” You laugh once more, completely oblivious to her hopeful tone. 

“You’re so funny, Lena,” Pulling out your pack of multicoloured pens, you start to set up for your class, “I just heard you speaking with Annie about ‘something big’ the other day, so I became curious.” 

Not one to acknowledge boundaries, the blonde woman starts to play with your (hair/sweater), “I’m throwing a party, one you should come to,” Her tone leaves no room to negotiate, but you don’t really notice. Nodding, you smile up at her. 

“Sounds fun! When is it and who’s going?” Her hand trails down to your thigh, fiddling with your sock. Brushing off your mild alarm at her ministrations, you justify her actions through your cultural differences. 

“Tonight at eight. Annie and her friends should be there, same with Marco and a few others,” She name dropped the kind man on purpose, knowing your misguided infatuation with him. If only you knew how much of a pussy he is. All she did was threaten him once, and suddenly he stayed clear of you. It made her life easier, sure, but it annoyed her that he dropped you like a gutted fish. You’re too good for that. 

Pulling out your phone, you pull up your calendar, showcasing that you have no plans this evening, “Okay, I can go!” 

Her smirk grows wider than before, “Great,” Yelena’s accent seemingly grows thicker, her r rolling more harshly than before. 

With that, class begins without a hitch; Yelena’s hand still glued to your perfect thigh. 

-

Stepping out of your car, you readjust your new outfit. Keeping the thigh highs from earlier, you changed your lilac skirt for a black, body con one, along with a cropped, black long sleeve shirt that accentuates your cleavage. 

Slamming your car door shut, you lock it with your key, before heading towards Yelena’s luxurious flat. You can hear low music and voices from her open top floor balcony, multiple shadows moving inside her home. 

With a fast beating heart, you can’t help but hope that Marco will speak with you tonight. With that hope deep in your chest, you step inside the fancy building’s lobby. Approaching the front desk, you go to show them your ID, but are met with brightly smiling faces. 

“Go on up to the tenth floor, (Your Name)! Yelena already told us that you’re coming!” Surprise overcomes your form. Why do they know you by appearance alone? You’ve never even been here before. 

“Oh, okay! Thank you,” Deciding to ignore the weird situation at hand, you head towards the lift. Pressing the button, you wait a few moments, before stepping into the open lift doors. The sleek metal walls reflect your appearance back at you, whilst you press the pristine ‘10’ button. With a small beep, the lift begins to move, practically flying at top speed to the top floor. 

Once at the tenth floor, the doors fly open, showing what looks to be a living room. You can’t help but gawk at the large flat displayed before you. Your classmate must be quite wealthy to afford a place like this. 

You awkwardly make your way inside, and are immediately greeted by the party’s host, “Hey, (Your Name), welcome!” You’re side hugged by a buff arm, practically slammed into Yelena’s torso. 

“Hey, thanks for having me!” You pat her back in an attempt to have her let you go, but instead, it seems to spur her on. She drags you towards a large L-shaped couch, which is filled by Annie, Reiner, and Bertholdt. A handful of others sit at her dining room table and kitchen counter, the open concept allowing everyone to see and speak to each other comfortably. 

Reiner glances up from the story he’s telling Historia and Ymir, a grin painting his handsome features, “Whoa, that’s a new look for you, (Your Name)!” 

Multiple eyes are suddenly glued to your now self conscious form, an uneasy smile on your face, “Hello, everyone.”

“Don’t get me wrong, you look great! It’s just really different from your normal, cute clothes,” People nod and agree with the large man, causing you to break out in a nervous sweat. 

“Well, I hope I don’t look too bad,” You joke halfheartedly, “I just wanted to try something new.” 

Yelena takes your appearance in, practically salivating. Whilst she does enjoy your usual clothing, this look fits you quite well. 

“You look very nice,” Bertholdt reassures soothingly, patting the spot by him, “You can sit next to me, if you’d like.”

The short haired woman glued to your side reacts immediately, “No, the girl needs a drink,” Annie shoots her a knowing look, which she nods to in response. You’re practically ragdolled to the kitchen bar, as the conversation starts up once more. Once at the marble countertop, the large woman releases you in favour of pouring you a cup of spiked punch, “This is very good. Made it myself.” 

You give her a bright smile, accepting the red solo cup, “Cool! I’m sure it’s delicious!” Bringing the cup to your (lipstick/chapstick/lipgloss) coated lips, you take a small sip. A burst of fruity goodness explodes on your tastebuds, making your eyes widen in surprise. You can’t taste a drop of alcohol in it, “Wow! This is really good!” 

A proud grin overtakes her lips, as she nods her thanks, “Of course it is. I knew you were coming, after all,” You laugh in response, and take another sip of the red liquid. 

“I see! Well, you have a very nice home!” The tall woman leans against the counter, holding herself up with an arm that goes behind your form. 

“Thank you. It’s very spacious. I find myself lonely at times,” Her large, black eyes stare down at you, trying to send you a message through them alone. 

“Oh, well, have you tried getting a roommate? Maybe the flat won’t be so empty,” She nods at your words. 

“Yes, that’s a good idea. Would you be my roommate?” You laugh, thinking that she’s joking. Not bothering to look up, as you take another swig of your drink, you don’t see the somewhat hurt look on her face. 

“That would be something! Not only are we seatmates, but we’re also roommates,” You giggle some more, taking more sips of your delicious drink, “But, your flat is a lot nicer than mine. I may take up on your offer.”

Looking up, you see her grin at you approvingly, “Yes, that would be nice,” What you don’t know is that her lease is almost up, making it so she has paperwork she needs to fill out. Paperwork that would look great with your co-sign on it. 

-

Three drinks in, and you’re feeling a bit woozy. Typically, you’re not a lightweight, but it seems that you are tonight. 

Leaning your upper body onto Yelena’s strong form, you laugh hysterically at something Reiner says, “Oh my God, you’re hilarious-” You cut yourself off with a snort, causing the entire room to laugh at your cute giggling. 

The short haired woman you’re currently using as a pillow holds you tenderly, a pleased smile on her face. The stuff Annie gave her works very well. 

“Man, if you weren’t Yelena’s girl, I would’ve cuffed you a semester ago!” Reiner roars wholeheartedly, slapping the leather couch below him. 

In your cloudy mind, you barely understand the words he just said, “Haha, wha-?” 

Pushing your head into her breasts, Yelena shushes you, “My poor baby is such a lightweight,” She and the others chuckle at that understatement, “I think it’s time to turn in for the night.”

Her civil way of kicking everyone out was enough, as everyone trickles out of her luxurious flat. Once the last person leaves, Yelena stands to her feet, scooping you up in her buff arms. She goes to her lift, pressing the lock input, she types in the lock code, not allowing anyone in or out of her home. Your high mind can barely comprehend what’s going on around you. 

She hums an unknown tune, as she goes up her steps to her master bedroom. Kicking open the door, she flips on her bedroom light with her elbow, before shutting the door with her foot. Sauntering to her California King sized bed, she lays your drugged out form on her light grey coloured sheets. 

“-Lena, wha-” Your head lulls to the side as you giggle uncontrollably, “-Are- are we dating?” She hums in response, starting to pull down your skirt. 

“Yes, my Darling Girl,” She smooches your forehead, “We’ve been together since I moved here,” Pulling your skirt’s fabric down and off of your legs, she tosses it on the floor, exposing your pink panties. 

“Bu-but, I like Marco,” You weakly attempt to push her grabby hands away from you, “I-I wan’ Marco!” 

The feelings of disgust, envy, and fury overwhelm her all at once. How dare you! She’s always treated you so well, that spineless fucker doesn’t deserve anything from you! He especially doesn’t deserve your wonderful heart! 

She says nothing, grabbing your blouse, and chucking it off of you. Your breasts jiggle at her ministrations, your bra just barely containing your tits. Seeing your almost bare, perfect body makes her pussy tingle, but her anger outweighs her arousal. 

Settling on the bed, she grasps your boneless body, and pulls you over her knees. You’re still muttering and questioning the validity of your relationship, all whilst saying that horrible boy’s name, causing her to cup the fat of your ass and squeeze harshly. 

“Baby, you know better than to say those horrible things. I love you very much, and it hurts to hear you say that.” 

Your breasts, arms, and head rest over her left knee, as you try to look up at her stern face, “But-”

“No buts, you know what happens when you act like a brat,” She slaps your ass experimentally, earning a pained yelp. A small smirk covers her lips, and she hits your ass as hard as she can. 

“‘M sorry! ‘M sorry! I didn’t mean it!” Your pleading is cute, so cute. 

“I know you didn’t, Princess. But I have to remind you of your place,” She slams her hand down once more, jolting your entire body. A shrill cry leaves your lips, as you try to move off of her lap, but seemingly can’t find the strength to do so. 

After five more smacks, the blonde pulls you onto her lap in a straddling position. One of her arms wraps around your top half, pushing your crying face into her neck. The other is wrapped around your waist, hand smoothing over your bruising ass, and playing with the hem of your panties. 

“Don’t cry, Princess. You know I had to set you straight,” She coos, “Your stupid, little brain is far too gone to understand at the moment, but you will once you sober up. So, for now, let your Daddy make you feel good.” 

You mutter nonsensical words in between your sobs, but the large woman isn’t put off. After she’s done with you, you’ll never think of that freckled fuck ever again. At least, you won’t unless you want him dead. 

Wrestling your pliant body to the mattress once more, she leaves you on the bed by yourself, before rolling onto the left side. Opening the top drawer of her nightstand, she pulls out a pair of handcuffs, a battery powered hitachi wand, duct tape, and a small bottle of lube. Setting them on the bed by your writhing form, she quickly makes her way back to you. 

“Shh, it’s alright, Princess. I’m right here,” Yelena reaches under you, fiddling with your bra’s hooks until it pops open, allowing her to slide your useless arms out of the garment. Tossing it aside, she sucks in a deep breath, enjoying the view of your plush chest. Experimentally, she pinches your right nipple, relishing the small moan you let out at the feeling. Gripping the handcuffs next to you, she feeds your dainty wrists through the opening, popping the pink, plush cuffs on tightly. Happy with the result, she continues her endeavour. 

Moving farther down your body, she leaves your socks on, loving how your thigh fat squishes up a bit. Grabbing the hem of your cute, pink panties, she pushes them off of you, exposing your pretty cunny. It separates from you with a small string of slick, filling Yel with a sense of satisfaction. You’re her perfect pain slut, aren’t you? 

Pushing on your pliant legs open, she smiles happily down at you, dark eyes blown wide open, “Awe, is your slutty pussy wet for me?” 

You shake your head rapidly, disorienting yourself more than before, “Nu-no! It’s not!” She clicks her tongue teasingly, her smile growing wider than before. 

“Don’t lie to me, Princess. Now I have to punish you once more,” Forcing your legs open, she holds them down with her own, straddling your waist. Her large form easily overpowers you, as she grabs the blue hitachi wand, and flips it on to the highest setting. Pushing it against your clit with a swift motion, your entire body jolts at the sudden stimulation. A loud whine leaves your lips, as you try to buck it off of your sensitive cunny. 

“Puh-please! Take it off! It’s too much!” Yelena snickers in delight, ignoring your pleading. Grabbing the duct tape from beside you, she rips off a few long strips, before smacking them onto your skin and the vibrator, effectively keeping it attached to you. 

Your moans and whimpers continue to grow louder and louder, as you try your best not to cum. You bite your lips in the hopes of stifling yourself, but it does little to help. If anything, it just spurs the large woman on. 

“Go on, cum for me, cum for Daddy,” You shake your head, a few keens falling from your mouth, as she watches in awe at the way your cunny leaks and clenches around nothing. 

Your toes curl in ecstasy as you cum, a loud whine escaping you. A gush of your orgasm flows from you, wetting the blonde woman and the mattress below. Two long, slender fingers prod at your slick pussy, forcing themselves inside your sensitive walls. 

“Good Girl, You’re so Good for me,” They Start to move in a ‘come hither’ motion, hitting your g-spot repeatedly with how long her fingers are.  

“Too much! Too much!” You cry, as she quickly brings you over the edge once more. 

More slick sprays from your cunny, as overstimulation begins to set in. Yelena captures your lips with hers, thrusting her tongue into your mouth. The kiss is wet and hot, as she grips at your plush chest. 

“No, no it’s not, Baby. It’s not enough,” Fumbling with her fly, she releases the strap she’s been wearing all night. In all honesty, she’s surprised that you hadn’t noticed the bulge or felt it underneath your ass earlier. It’s a good ten inches in length, and around 5.5 inches of girth. 

It is pretty intimidating for most, but due to your fucked out stupor, it should feel amazing for you. Grabbing the lube, she squeezes a small amount onto the silicone cock, smoothing it over the toy in sync with her fingers pumping inside of you. 

Deeming the toy and your cunny ready, she makes the next move. Sliding off of your numb legs, she stands to her feet, towering over you in all of her glory. Hefting you up and off of the mattress, she quickly punched your back against her pristine, white wall. Forcing your arms around the back of her head, she continues to kiss your drooly mouth vigorously. 

Wrapping your legs around her slender waist, her large leg muscles and arms work to hold you up. Guiding your dripping cunny over the tip of her strap, she slowly sinks you onto it. 

A keen of both surprise and pleasure rips out of your throat, as you grip onto her short, blonde locks. Giggling, she bucks her hips into yours sharply, causing you to orgasm on the spot. The vibrator and her strap on feels like heaven. 

Throwing your head back in bliss, you feel your arousal drip onto her dress pants, creating even more wet spots than before. Separating from your lips, she grins down at you. 

“Look at you, dirty Girl,” She spanks your ass harshly with one hand, as she continues a hardcore pace. The tip of the silicone cock batters against your cervix, causing you to cry out in both pleasure and pain, “You love it when Daddy ruins your pussy, don’t you?” 

Too fucked out to think properly, you nod your head vigorously, “Uh-huh! Uh-huh! I love Daddy’s cock!” She kisses your cheek tenderly, not stopping her thrusts for even a moment. Moving her lips down your vulnerable neck, she starts to suck the tender skin, leaving dark love marks on your pretty skin. 

“Mmm, good Princess! Since you’re such a good girl, I think you deserve a treat. Do you want a treat? Does your dumb little mind even understand what I’m saying?” You nod once again, eyes teary and pleading. 

“Yes! Yes! I want a treat, please, Daddy!” Smirking against your skin, she reaches into her pocket from around your thigh. 

“Since you asked so nicely-“ She presses the injector lever, shooting a large load of fake cum into your gummy, needy pussy. You cum almost immediately, this clearly being the biggest orgasm of the night, as you practically convulse and squirt a geyser of cum all over the place, “I think you deserve Daddy’s cum inside you.” 

You practically sob at the overstimulation and the feeling of being so full, “Thank you! Thank you, Daddy!” You kiss her of your own volition, surprising the large woman. Her heart warms, loving how you’ve become so submissive. 

Cradling you’re form to her muscular body, she saunters back towards the bed, pushing any other objects off and into the night side table. 

Placing you on the now dry sheets, she quickly flicks off the vibrator still taped to your clit, before placing it on the table beside her. Plucking off the duct tape, she then takes off your handcuffs, effectively freeing you. Instead of moving away from the woman, you lay there tiredly, no longer processing the situation. 

Sighing in content, Yelena grabs a hand towel from the drawer she keeps her sex toys in, and wrestles it under your hips. Smiling, she removes the strap from inside of you, enjoying the sight of the fake cum flooding out of you. 

Laying next to you, she pulls your head into her chest, curling around you as if she were a safety blanket. 

“You did well, Princess,” You don’t say anything, snuggling into her warmth, “Go to sleep, tomorrow we’ll announce our official status, okay?” 

An slurred ‘Okie’ is heard, before you slip into unconsciousness. Cupping your face in appreciation, her dark eyes glance in the direction of a small green light coming from her video camera. 

Now you’ll have to date her; after all, you wouldn’t want your sex tape to get out, would you? 

[honeymilkk00]

Haikyuu Boys: You Flinch

yooooo so my first post on tumblr,,, kinda scary but here goes nothing. if the characters are too ooc i apologise but it’s because this is my first time writing a haikyuu one shot. also i’m fucking obsessed with angst to comfort hmu with some good ones (hopefully i haven’t read them). also pleaseeeee this isn’t an attack on the reader, you all are so fucking gorgeous. i’m trying to write this angst with my personal insecurities in mind so it can be more realistic. remember to drink water and eat 3 meals a day.

characters:

-tanaka

-ushijima

---------------------------------------

Tanaka

Recently, you had noticed a strain in your and Tanaka’s relationship. Of course, you were always pretty self-conscious in the relationship- he always hung out with Kiyoko when he went to practise and spoke about her like she was a goddess.

That didn’t mean you didn’t like Kiyoko. In fact, you looked up to her a lot, heeding her advice every time she spoke to you. But, who wouldn’t be insecure? Kiyoko was everything you were not. She was smart, she was pretty, she was organised, and she had a great personality to go with it. Sometimes, you’d sit thinking that maybe Tanaka would be happier with her. 

And today was one of those days. It was lunch and, as usual, Tanaka was at practise. You didn’t mind and grew pretty accustomed to it, often sitting to the side of the sports hall, watching and cheering. You were happy that your boyfriend had such a deep interest in something. 

As you sat next to the coach, taking small bites out of an apple, you noticed Tanaka’s wondering gaze. Following his eyes, you frowned slightly when you noticed him staring at Kiyoko with a small blush on his face. An uneasy feeling in your gut made you stop eating, just watching. When Tanaka walked over to her and tucked her hair behind her ear after helping her pick up spare balls, you felt bile rise in your throat. Suffocating. It felt like suffocating as you watched your boyfriend touch and blush around your friend whilst right in front of you. 

Biting your lip nervously, you packed away your lunch and stood up. There was still 10 minutes left of lunch. If Tanaka asked, you could’ve dismissed it as simply wanting to get to class early. Nodding to Coach Ukai and Daichi, you swiftly exited the sports hall and walked to your next lesson.

_

Somehow, you had avoided Tanaka for the rest of the day. You knew you were probably overreacting, but the way he looked at her with such a loving gaze made you feel sick. He didn’t even look at you with that much compassion, and you were his girlfriend. 

So, you slung your backpack over your shoulders and made your way home. Normally, you would walk with your boyfriend, but not today. It was silent without Tanaka making small comments here and there and laughing. Insecure thoughts filled your mind, and, with no one to distract you from them, you listened.

You listened to every single thought that crossed your mind.

Why were you not pretty enough?

Why did Tanaka love Kiyoko more than he loved you?

Why were you so petty?

Why were you running away instead of talking to him?

Why were you not good enough?

You swallowed the bile that slowly rose in your throat and looked down at your hands that clenched together.

Just get over it. You can’t be better than her. 

A hand placed on your shoulder, snapping you out of your thoughts. Swiftly, you head diverted to look at whoever touched you right in the eyes. 

Shit.

“Hey, you’ve been ignoring me since lunch. Did something happen? Why are you walking home without me?” Tanaka let go of your shoulder and raised a curious brow at you.

You weren’t ready to talk to him yet.

Forcing a smile, you looked down at your hands instead of his gaze-his piercing gaze that left you weak and helpless. “Nothing is wrong,” you started, pausing for a second to recollect your thoughts. “I just wanted to get to class quickly after lunch... And I was walking home by myself because I have a lot of homework to do.” You lied smoothly, but of course, Tanaka saw through it.

Narrowing his eyes slightly, Tanaka sighed and tilted his head, “are you going to tell your boyfriend the truth or continue to lie straight to my face? We’re partners- a team- you’re meant to trust me and communicate. Wasn’t it you who said that was important?” His voice gradually got louder with every sentence, his patience wearing thin. 

You looked back at him and opened your mouth, before closing it. Of course, trust and communication is key in relationships but... Your eyes glanced up at Tanaka. Opening your mouth again, you spoke, “It’s just...” You started and licked your lips, taking a deep breath, “You seem to be close with Kiyoko. Very close..” You whispered the last bit, but he still caught it. 

Clenching his fists, Tanaka frowned, “well excuse me, but she’s been my friend longer than I’ve dated you. I don’t see why it’s an issues now.” His voice was firm and loud, making you shrink into yourself.

“I get that, I do. But you can’t just get all close like blushing and tucking her hair behind her ear when you’re in a relationship.” You tried to reason with him. Yes, you know they were friends longer than you and Tanaka had been in a relationship and you respected that. That was why you never mentioned anything before. 

Tanaka made a ‘tch’ sound and took in a deep breath, glaring down at you. Like this, he looked like an alpha- strong, in charge, dominant. In normal circumstances, you might’ve blushed or even squirmed, but in this situation, all you felt was your fight or flight impulse going crazy. “Well I’m sorry, but just because you’re insecure about yourself doesn’t mean you can be a selfish bitch! Grow up (Y/n)!”

That was what made you snap.

“Excuse me!? Tanaka, you told me to communicate and so I did, but when I do my opinions and feelings are immediately shut down!? I’m not saying you can’t be friends with Kiyoko! You can! Just please don’t keep touching her intimately because it makes me think you’d rather be with her!” You shouted back.

Letting out a deep growl, Tanaka leaned over you with a menacing glare and quickly lifted his hand, which made you flinch violently and close your eyes tightly, lifting you arms to shield yourself. 

Snapping out of his rage, Tanaka’s eyes widened.

You flinched. You flinched at him.

Did you seriously think he was going to hit you? 

Taking a shaky breath, he gently placed a hand on your cheek, which made you flinch more and slowly open your eyes to look into his. Your eyes held nothing but pure fear. You couldn’t help it- Tanaka was big, strong and intimidating. Tears gathered in the corners of your eyes.

“Please don’t look at me like that, baby.. I’m sorry.. I’ll never hit you.” Tanaka whispered softly and pulled you in for a gentle hug. “I’m so sorry I scared you like that..” He murmured lightly.

Shakily, you took a breath, letting your tears slip down your cheeks. “Ngh.. ‘M sorry I annoyed you Tana...” You whispered softly, crying into his shoulder. “’M just... Scared. Kiyoko is beautiful and has the best personality and I’m just... Me.” You admitted, finally calming down when you realised that Tanaka would never ever hurt you, no matter how much you angered him.

Tanaka’s eyes softened and he gently stroke your hair. “Exactly. You’re you. That’s why I love you, baby.” He whispered gently and pressed a gentle kiss to your forehead. 

Slowly, you leaned into his touch more, “Okay...”

Tanaka sighed gently, “I didn’t realise I was being too touchy with her, but I’ll stop for you baby. I love you.”

“I love you too.” You smiled weakly back.

“Icecream?” He asked.

“Please.”

__________________________________

Ushijima

You always knew volleyball was his passion. It was his everything, and you respected that. 

Still though, when you became his girlfriend, you thought that maybe you’d at least tie with volleyball in importance. However, you soon realised three months into the relationship that what you believed didn’t seem to be the case. In fact, it seemed as if you were more of a chore for Ushijima than something he enjoyed spending his time on. 

Eventually, it all got too much.

You watched him practise from the side-lines, frowning since he barely even glanced at you, let alone said hello. Of course, you didn’t mind. He was focused on practising, so it would make sense if he didn’t acknowledge you.

Ushijima paused his practise to get a small drink and you took this opportunity to encourage him and drop off his lunch since he had a tendency to forget his. “Ushi, you’re doing so-” You started, but was soon cut off by your blunt lover.

“(Y/N), can’t you see I’m focusing right now? I’ll talk later, but right now volleyball is all that matters. You’re irrelevant right now.” He retorted swiftly, before shrugging you off and going back to practise his spikes. 

Biting your lip slightly, you swallowed thickly and looked down at your feet in shame. Those words hurt, even if they weren’t the most aggressive. Maybe he did only see you as a burden. The thought made you shiver and deepen your frown. The last thing you wanted was to hold your boyfriend back, even if it hurt you. Taking one last glance at Ushijima, you set his lunch down by his bottle and turned away, hiding the tears in your eyes by looking at the ground. 

It felt as if someone was squeezing your heart in your chest, and a lump soon formed in your throat. You choked on a sob and headed home, turning off your phone completely. 

Once you had reached the comfort of your house, you collapsed on your bed and sobbed silently into a pillow, curling tightly into a small ball. 

_

You were unsure as to how long you had been crying for, but you soon awoke from a slumber when you felt the bed dip and a large arm wrap around your waist. Biting your lip, you turned your head to come face to face with Ushiwaka. “Ushi...” You whispered quietly.

“My love, you have been crying. Your eyes are red and puffy.” He stated and frowned lightly. “What happened?” The male gently brushed his thumb against your hip, caressing it tenderly.

Tensing up, you sat up and pushed his hand away lightly. “Ushijima..” You started and looked down, clenching your fists together. “Is volleyball really that important to you..?” You whispered out, barely loud enough for him to hear.

The brute frowned and also sat up, narrowing his eyes slightly, “(Y/N), why are you so annoyed over my passion?” He asked and let out a scoff. “What, are you jealous of a ball? Do you know how ridiculous that sounds?” Ushijima’s voice raised slightly, but he soon shut up when he noticed you flinch and sink deeper into the bed. 

You avoided eye contact from your lover and gripped the sheets tightly in your hand, “’M sorry..” You whispered out as tears filled your vision. “Maybe I am being ridiculous.. I just think that...” You choked on a sob. “That you’d be better off with someone else. All I seem to do is hold you back from doing what you love. ‘M just a pain..” Hurt filled your voice and you swallowed thickly.

Ushijima’s eyes widened slightly and he frowned, gently taking your hands into his large ones. “Darling... You are all I want. I am sorry if those comments I said earlier made you feel insecure, but I truly do care for you. You are the only person I want in my life.” Gently, he placed his forehead on yours and kissed away your tears. “You are anything but a pain, my love.”

Looking into your boyfriend’s eyes, you smiled lightly and pressed your lips against his delicately. “You’re forgiven, Ushi..”

[hailhydra920]

Keeper Of the Cards~Part 3

Pairing: Mob Boss!Bucky x Reader AU

Series Masterlist

Summary: You and Bucky reflect on your date. Brock Rumlow is in toen, does that mean trouble?

Warnings: None yet.

           It was raining. The heavy kind that stung when it splashed against your skin and burst with an amazing force against any surface it encountered. The assault on your windows made it seem like someone was chucking a bunch of pebbles at them. You didn’t want to go out into the midst of pelting rain, but you needed to work. Finally finding your umbrella, you zipped up your raincoat and braced yourself for a war with the rain. Stepping out, your umbrella took all off the impact, and you trudged toward your café. You jiggled the key into the café door and let out a breath of relief once you got inside.

           Starting up a few machines, you hummed a soft jazz tune before turning on your favorite jazz café music. The atmosphere seemed to light up as the aroma of coffee and the melody of soft music filled the place. As you were taking the café chairs of the tables, your mind drifted to your date the other night.

           “That café you own is pretty cute. It definitely seems you.” Bucky said before taking a bite of his steak.

           “Not sure if you’re trying to insult me or not.”

           “It’s a compliment, sweetheart, and I don’t make them very often, so you should be grateful.” Another bite of steak entered his mouth.

           You rolled your eyes as you poked your mashed potatoes. It looked good, but you’d be lying to say you weren’t self-conscious about eating in front of him. You just felt uneasy about the whole thing. He seemed to have caught on to what you were thinking because he lowered his fork and looked at you softly.

           “I don’t judge, sweetheart. I don’t care if you chew loudly with your mouth halfway open, just eat. It’s not like anyone’s really watching. See?” He shoved a forkful of steak in his mouth and chewed loudly, making it seem extra dramatic.

           Your cheeks warmed up a bit as he finished his eating display. He sent you a small smile before going back to eating in silence. Figuring you should just go with it; you brought some mashed potatoes to your lips. It tasted so good, and you went to have another bite, but you caught Bucky’s look out of the corner of your eye. He was looking at you with what could only be called fondness and your stomach fluttered momentarily. Even though you barely knew this man, he provoked a small fire to light across your skin. You wanted to hate him, but in that moment, you realized you never could, not when he looked at you like that.

           “Morning!” Natasha chirped as she entered the café, ripping you out of your thoughts. “It is raining cats and dogs out there!”

           You put down the last chair as she closed her bright red umbrella, a few droplets splashing onto the tile floor. “Yeah, I hope it calms down a bit. If it was a bit softer, it would make a perfect ambience with the café music.”

           “Sure.” Nat said as with a light laugh. “So, are you going to tell me how your date with Mr. Handsome went?”

           “It went…well.” You said choosing you words carefully.

           Nat hummed as she tied her apron on. She eyed you for a second before making herself a coffee. “Okaaay. Whatever you say.”

           You flipped the closed sign to open, and you shook you head at her. “Don’t say it like that. We didn’t really do much. We had dinner and talked. That was all.”

           “You sure you didn’t spend the night at his apartment?” She said raising her eyebrow as she sipped her coffee.

           “Natasha!” You said as your eyes widened. “I’m not like you. I want to know the guy before I throw myself at him.”

           “I was just asking. No need to get so defensive. Kinda seems like you’re hiding something.”

           “How about you go do something productive before you’re out of a job.” You told her with a pointed look.

           “Alright, but you know you like me too much to fire me.” She said twirling her rag around before cleaning one of the tables.

           “Yeah, yeah, whatever.”

~~~~~~~

           “You what?!” The blond man said as his eyebrows shot up. “Jeez Buck! What were you thinking? What was she thinking?!”

           “Relax Steve. She’s…something else. I don’t know what it is about her, but she draws me in like a moth drawn to flame. It’s a little scary actually.” Bucky said as he flipped through some papers on his disorganized desk. “You’ll understand when you meet her.”

           “Now I’m meeting this woman? Buck, you haven’t introduced me to anyone of your liking since—”

           “I know, I know, just…let me figure this out on my own.” He whispered running his hand through his messy hair before studying the papers in front of him again. “Everything’s good for Friday next week?”

           Steve nodded. “It looks like we could get a great deal. But there have been some rumors about a couple of guys from the Hydra mob running around causing some trouble. I’ve already got some guys on it, so don’t worry.”

           “I won’t. And could you tell Damon to restock my pain meds? I’m running low.”

           “Sure.” Steve replied as he grabbed the doorknob. “Anything else?”

           Bucky shook his head and Steve slipped out of the room, letting the door fall close behind him. Letting out a breath, Bucky leaned back in his leather chair, the chair making a pleasing sound as he slightly strained it. The rain tapped against his window, filling his office with a soft rhythm. His eyes watched the blades of the fan twirl around and his mind drifted toward his date with you.

           “What’s wrong with my watch?” Bucky asked eyeing you with a small smile as you walked back to his car.

           “N-nothing! It’s just a bit much, don’t you think? A pure gold watch? Doesn’t it irritate you by how much it weighs? Why lug that thing around your wrist everywhere when you could wear a different one that does the exact same thing and weighs an eighth of that?” You were rambling but he loved it. He loved the way your eyes would light up and the way you would move your hands to get your reason across. “Sorry, I’m rambling.”

           “No, no, I think it’s cute.” Bucky commented as he watched you nervously fidget with your dress.

           “Well, um, thank you, I guess.”

           “You guess?”

           “Whatever. Thank you.”

           “You’re welcome, sweetheart.” The pet name slipped off his tongue so easily with you. He didn’t have to think about what he was going to say, it just flowed together. He messed with his rings before straightening his overcoat. “It’s a bit chilly out here, we should get to the car.”

           “Okay.” You said looking up at him once again. The way the moon shined on you made him wish someone would kill him now so the last think he saw was your figure illuminated by the moon, and gosh darn it he was doing it again! He was looking at you with that stupid doe eyed face again.

           “Your meds have been restocked, sir.”

           “Wh-what?” Bucky asked sitting forward in his chair as he blinked a few times, trying to make the memory go away.

           “Your meds. I restocked them.” Damon answered clasping his hands behind his back.

           “Oh, thank you. You may go now, Damon.” Bucky said rubbing his eyes.

           “Might I suggest a nap, sir?” Damon said taking in Bucky’s current state.

           “Excuse me?”

           “No offense, but you seem a little out of it, sir, and you seem quite tired. I’ve lived here long enough to know you’re the one getting up at 2 am because your nightmares plague you. If it’s of any comfort, I added a bench to the garden so you can sit out there and work out your thoughts. I know how much you love the flowers out there.”

           Bucky sat there shocked for a few moments and then composed himself. “I, um, okay. Thank you. I’ll look into that nap and garden.”

           Damon nodded before leaving the room. Bucky took one last glance at the papers on his desk and stood up. “A nap sounds pretty nice, right about now.”

~~~~~~~

           The rain had slowed down quite a bit and a light drizzle fell. The sun was beginning to peek behind the grey clouds, and a few more customers rolled in. You greeted them with a smile and took some of their orders. A few college students occupied the corner tables, typing away furiously as they chugged their coffee down like it held magic capabilities.

           You watched as a little boy got dragged by his mother. He had his tongue sticking out trying to catch some droplets, but his mother yanked him along, much to his disapproval. You chuckled and shook your head before you turned back to making someone’s coffee. After an old couple had left, you cleaned their table, smiling at the little note they had written you. They were such nice folks. They came in every couple of days for a small date. It was really cute.

           A couple of intimidating men walked in, and you walked back behind the counter. One did a once over of you and smiled. He strode up to the counter, a soft stubble adorned his features, and his brown hair looked soft and messy. He was handsome, no doubt, but you didn’t like the way he was looking at you.

           “Hey there, doll face. Name’s Brock Rumlow. I’ll take one of those pumpkin spice coffees and your number.” He even had the audacity to wink after.

           You repressed the urge to roll your eyes dramatically. Instead, you made his coffee and handed it to him, no number attached. He noticed you ignored his second request and he grinned.

           “That’s alright.” He said lowly. “Maybe next time.”

           Definitely not. The other guys with him didn’t get anything, they just scanned the area, and followed Brock out the door. Weird. Guys like that could be dangerous, but as long as they kept their flirting to a minimum, they should be fine. You just couldn’t get the nagging feeling out from the back of your mind that they were bad news. With a shrug, you went back to work and thought about Bucky’s stormy eyes and kind smile.

Perm Tags: @sleep-i-ness​​​ @thefridgeismybestie

[shijiujun]

Lmao sorry it's 2ha anon again........... idk if it's just me but it's kinda making me uneasy knowing that taxian-jun is still in the body of Moran and he "comes out" every three days... Like, it feels like chu wanning doesn't have a peaceful life even when it's supposed to be peaceful? Not only he's still being humiliated and "used(?)" it's even like... he's cheating on moran once every three days WHUT

heya again! hahahaha i’m sure you are not alone in feeling discomfort at parts of the story including this one, and you’re valid in what you think about this, although personally for me i will have to disagree with you on all parts:

(1) in terms of timeline - firstly, mo ran 2.0 IS taxian-jun, this 2.0 version isn’t like a cleaner, more sin-less version of mo ran. he is that very taxian-jun who did those acts to cwn before. the other taxian-jun that materializes is the part of him that didn’t get to have all those second chances with chu wanning, who only remembers being poisoned mentally by the flower, who only remembers pain and tragedy and anger in the majority of his life - when shi mei dies and the control he has over taxian-jun disappears, i assume taxian-jun remembers that he liked shizun in the past before he chose to take the flower, and even when he was at peak madness a part of him still had tenderness and love (even if warped) for cwn, this taxian-jun is mo ran without the second chance of going back in time, but now has his second chance turning up every few days to see cwn. at the end of the day, however, they’re all mo ran. he’s another person, but he’s also the embodiment of mo ran 2.0′s time as 0.5 too (that maybe is a bit sentient right now), but it’s all him.

(2) in terms of what chu wanning feels about this - let’s break this down, you wrote that he’s humiliated and used by txj, and that he’s cheating on mo ran 2.0, and chu wanning doesn’t have a peaceful life. i think honestly this is pretty much a huge misread/misunderstanding about chu wanning.

- on the cheating on mo ran 2.0 point

firstly, with taxian-jun at the end before the portal closes, cwn wanted to die with him, even without knowing that mo ran 2.0 was still present in his consciousness somewhere. he said, “墨宗师也好，踏仙君也好，都是你” - it’s you, be it mo-zongshi, or taxian-jun.

once again, i think people tend to discredit characters like chu wanning a little too much - he has agency. he’s not under some stockholm syndrome-esque situation, he’s not settling for mo ran or taxian-jun (which are the same person, i reiterate), chu wanning made a conscious decision. he knows what his feelings are, and he acted knowing full well how much he loves mo ran in all timelines. he also addresses and acknowledges that there are both of them - he ain’t going like yeah to get mo ran 2.0 i have to tolerate 0.5 once every three days. 

ALSO - the current chu wanning IS ALSO CHU-FEI from 0.5 - he’s got all them memories and that ‘identity’ in a sense, the only difference is that his 0.5 self doesn’t materialize every few days, but this chu wanning is that chu-fei who loves 0.5 mo ran too. 

the only one who has an issue with this is mo ran himself, tbh, and he is getting jealous of himself. 2.0 is jelly of 0.5, 0.5 is jelly of 2.0 - but they’re not different people, they are one and the same, and even then i feel that this jealousy stems not from the cheating part BUT that:

the embodiment of 0.5, the 0.5 that stopped right there after mo ran committed suicide and then was pulled back to life, he’s jealous because this part of him was stuck there, he never had the chance to go back and redo everything with cwn - he’s bitter that all he had then was only pain and anger at cwn leaving him, and being left behind on that note - it’s still mo ran, the same person, but this part of him that was kind of plucked out in time and rematerialized as a separate physical entity probably would have liked to have spent years and years of good times with cwn too 

in the case for 2.0 mo ran, 0.5 is a part of him that he is feels guilty about all the time, he’s not proud of what he did to cwn as 0.5, even though his behaviour can be explained away with the influence of the flower. he’s less 0.5 in terms of behaviour because he’s had years to unlearn that behaviour and kind of shed off that setting of him being like an almighty tyrant ruler, while 0.5 is that tyrant ruler, but not so much a tyrant, and is retired now in a sense, and though 0.5 is nice to cwn now, he’s still that ruler XD that king who commanded and demanded things 

at the end of the day, through the extras, you can tell that both 0.5 and 2.0 live to make cwn happy, even if it’s expressed in different ways

- on the humiliated/used/not peaceful point

in the 0.5 timeline, cwn already knew the truth about the flower and set the timeline reversal thing up - because he loves mo ran. he loves mo ran even like this, even without the prospect of a 1.0 or 2.0 in mind. the chu-fei then made the conscious decision to save him. he loves taxian-jun, but he had to act like he was disgusted and hated him. not excusing what mo ran does to him, that’s an entirely different matter, but cwn also knows that mo ran has been driven to this evil state because of the flower as well. there’s the 0.5 part of cwn in him - this current cwn IS CHU-FEI, the chu-fei that loves 0.5 mo ran 

also i don’t think cwn hates the rough sexy times he has with txj either - i mean, the man was getting all hot about it even before 0.5 materialized in 2.0 timeline through the past visions etc. - sure, is there maybe a type he prefers? of course, but don’t we all XD cwn is fine with both, and even if he does not, he has full right to say no and reject, and i’m sure 0.5 and 2.0 are more than happy to comply

whoever said cwn wanted the peaceful life in that sense? we all have different understandings of what constitutes peaceful - for chu wanning, peaceful means that hut on that mountain, spent with the man he loves, even if they come up in different forms every few days. sure, he definitely would never have expected to have to deal with both, but does chu wanning hate it? i don’t think so

yes, taxian-jun’s antics when he turns up always ends up in trouble more often than not, but cwn is exasperated, BUT FOND, there’s a huge difference. and his antics are harmless - okay yes, he robbed a store to gift what he robbed to cwn for his birthday but? harmless, and 0.5 can still be taught HAHAHA

---

if i may also quote meatbun, “it’s the same person”. i don’t know how else to put it, it’s the same damn person XD and chu wanning loves him <3

[amydancepants-peralta]

Amy getting a little distracted and planting light pecks up Jake’s back before reapplying his suncream

“Wow, it’s actually really nice to be out under the sun, hey babe?” Squinting behind his sunglasses, Jake brushes a clump of sand from his left leg, grinning as Amy punctuates her mmm-hmm with a kiss to his upper shoulder.

It really was the perfect day. After weeks of back-to-back shifts, the couple had stolen away for a long weekend, disappearing to a beach just far enough from Brooklyn to avoid any ‘accidental’ Boyle run-ins. With their seaside villa just a stones throw away, and the warm sand beneath them, he and Amy had everything they needed to have a moment of peace before Baby Peralta arrived.

Jake’s smile grows as he watches the family in front of him introduce their floatie-covered toddler to the ocean, and turns slightly to glance at Amy behind him. “Crazy to think that this time next year, that will be us out there.”

With her legs resting comfortably on either side of his own, Amy’s face was just out of reach for Jake’s eye line, and he hears another hmm as he turns his attention back to the shoreline.

Her delicate hands sweep along his lower back, applying the only sunscreen she’ll allow them to buy - peer reviewed and lauded, as per subsection seven of the Babymoon Binder - and presses another kiss to Jake’s back as his right hand comes to rest on her lower calf.

“Imagine if we ended up with a little surfer dude for a baby, Ames. Riding the waves like Crush from Nemo … being all gnarly and whatnot.”

Amy’s hands stay on Jake’s lower back, their movements slowly down slightly as she kisses his shoulder once again, and when she hums against his skin, Jake decides to have some fun with his clearly distracted wife.

(She’d been quiet earlier today, a self-conscious look washing over her face when she’d studied her reflection in the brand new maternity swimsuit. But a few well-timed Babewatch jokes from Jake - peppered with kisses on all of the tiny flowers in the pattern - thankfully seems to have held her uneasy thoughts at bay.)

“Then again, he could turn out to be an actual turtle, which would be totally fine because then we’d only need three more to make a full quartet of crime-fighters. And … you know, the inside of that cake was technically green, so …”

Amy’s fingers trace either side of Jake’s waist, slinking around to join at his front as she leaves two more kisses at the base of his neck. She shuffles forward on the blanket, closing the distance between her front and his back, and rests her forehead against Jake’s shoulder as she kisses him one more time with a contented sigh. Now it is a perfect day, he thinks with a smile.

“I’m taking your silence as total agreement Ames, so it’s settled. Ninja Turtles: Peralta edition, coming to a sewer near you.”

As the word sewer filters through the kiss-based haze, Amy’s hands still, her lips temporarily frozen against Jake’s shoulder blade while the rest of his sentence sinks in. “Jake … we are not raising our son in the sewers of Brooklyn.”

“Just think of the possibilities, babe! We could have a whole other team working to fight crime with us. Not to mention the unimaginable benefit of gleaming some of Splinter’s wisdom.”

“See, you say Splinter, but I’m hearing rat. It’s going to be a no from me, babe.”

“Ugh, it’s like a knife to my heart!” Jake responds (not at all dramatically, thank you very much), twisting in place to see Amy’s expression and digging his elbow into the sand. Her perplexed expression, clear even through her sunglasses and wide-brimmed hat, coaxes the chuckles that had been bubbling in his chest to the surface, and his free hand comes to rest on her outer thigh. “Obviously I’m kidding, Ames.”

Her hand reaches out to press a gentle slap against Jake’s bare chest, and he catches her wrist before it can sneak away. “Ugh. It’s hard to know when it comes to you and those darn turtles.”

Lifting Amy’s palm up towards his mouth, Jake presses a series of tiny kisses against her skin, smiling as it gravitates to it’s favourite position against his cheek when he finishes. “I mean, if you wanted to live in the sewer, babe, you know I’d be right there with you. You’d have that place clean in a week. But you were obviously not listening, and I was kinda curious how far I could push things before you’d realise.”

Nodding with a guilty chuckle, Amy looks up at the family playing in the ocean not so far away before leaning slightly towards her husband. “I guess you could say I was a little distracted?”

“Penny for your thoughts?” Jake winks, gesturing with a nod of his head. “I’d offer you more, but I literally found a penny in the sand before. It’s all yours if you want it.”

“Well … ” as Amy’s teeth sink into her lower lip, her hand sidles slowly down to the expanse of Jake’s chest, toying gently with the small patch of chest hair she finds there. “I was sort of thinking about the beach, and how it’s great, but will still be here later. You know, if we wanted to … do something else.”

“Wait. You don’t wanna hang out on the beach?”

“No, I do! It’s just … this is one of the first times in months that I haven’t needed to barf before lunch. And there’s a ridiculously large four-poster bed waiting for us back at the villa, because my super sweet husband arranged a getaway for us, and he just so happens to be looking very hot right now in those board shorts and … ” Amy trails off as Jake pushes his body away from the sand, closing the gap between them to press a soft, we’re-on-vacation-so-I’m-going-to-take-my-time kiss to her lips.

Jake’s smile feels brighter than the sun by the time he pulls away, and he plants his feet into the sand as he rises, reaching out both hands to help his wife up. Amy’s second trimester had definitely released extra batches of horniness into her system, and he’s never been more happy to serve her every need. “I can always count on you to come up with a brilliant plan, Ames. Just one of the bajillion reasons why I love you.”

“I love you too. And the beach can totally wait, right?”

“Oh, the beach can definitely wait.”

[brasskier]

@badthingshappenbingo​ trope #4!

Trope: Concussion

Summary: Jaskier feels like a detective, albeit a clumsy, scrambled-eggs-for-brains kinda detective. He has two mysteries on his plate at the moment - why is Geralt in a bad mood, and why won't his brain cooperate? (Hint: perhaps it has something to do with hitting his head that morning.)

Read on my ao3 or below the cut:

Jaskier probably should've told Geralt when he slipped and smashed his head into a rock on the riverbank coming back up from his morning bath, or should've at least known it was bad when bright worms of light started squiggling in his peripheral and words suddenly got a lot harder to string together. And maybe he would've, if he wasn't so intent on figuring out why Geralt was in such a piss-poor mood that morning. He felt like a detective - albeit a clumsy, scrambled-eggs-for-brains kinda detective - stringing together clues and occasionally nudging the witcher along with leading questions, at least when he could get his brain, lips, and tongue to all cooperate. 

Unfortunately, Jaskier was doing about as well at solving the mystery of Geralt the extra-grumpy witcher as he was figuring out what was going on in his own skull. It'd happened once when he was a boy, falling out of a twisty, too-tall tree. His father, may he rest in peace, didn't notice until Jaskier, uncharacteristically silent, stared vacantly past him— until that point he'd been more preoccupied scolding him for ruining yet another fine pair of trousers. (His parents paid good money for those things, but he was pretty sure maybe they should've learned by that point and stopped dressing him up in finery before releasing him into the world.) 

Speaking of, he could use a new pair of pants. Maybe once they made it to the next town he could find a seamstress, maybe even invest in a nice new doublet as well. Geralt always pretended he found such purchases frivolous and vain, all huffy and monosyllabic, but Jaskier knew full well it put him in a good mood to have something to tease Jaskier for.

Good mood. Right. He was supposed to be figuring out why he was in a decidedly not good mood. He was supposed to… well, he really didn't know past that. His thoughts flitted about his head like a chicken desperate to escape its coop, and this thought made him giggle to himself, picturing his squishy brain with a beak and feathers squawking about.

"Jaskier?" He glanced up at the witcher that had reclaimed his attention, finding it distinctly difficult to track his movements as he bobbed along on his horse. "Did you listen to a thing I said?" Well, that was a silly question, Jaskier thought, because in order for him to listen, Geralt would've had to have said something. His mind trapped like a stuck cog on how to put this minor incongruence into words, and the witcher glared at him in the space of his tenuous silence. 

"How could I?" He asked finally, head tilted to parallel the uncertainty etched in his tone.

"With your ears," Geralt deadpanned, and Jaskier grimaced under the frustration of his misunderstanding.

"No, that's not— I meant— you didn't—" he attempted to elaborate, but once again found his brain, flighty as a hummingbird, refused to put thoughts to language. Geralt slowed Roach to a halt, and only then did Jaskier realize he'd at some point stopped walking. He wasn't too sure when that happened, but he was sure he had to start again, because Geralt was already in a bad mood and the uneasy threat of abandonment always loomed thick. 

This, in hindsight, might've been a mistake. The trees spun, ground tilting ominously like a ship caught in a storm, and Jaskier staggered with the rhythm of it. This, finally, mercifully, seemed to tip off Geralt and his fancy-schmancy witcher senses that something wasn't right. 

"Jaskier?" He called, and he still sounded decidedly disgruntled. This wasn't good; Jaskier was supposed to be getting him in a better mood, not making things worse. He'd even been quiet for a change (moreso due to his tongue's uncooperativeness than any conscious choice on his part, not that Geralt needed to know this detail). 

The witcher swung a leg off the saddle, dismounted with the grace of a cat. (Which was funny; wasn't Geralt supposed to be a wolf? Didn't Geralt's brother know a cat witcher? Maybe cat witchers were even more graceful, like ballerinas; Geralt would never do ballet.) This thought would've also made Jaskier giggle, but he was hesitant to unclamp his jaw at the moment, fearful that more than words might spill past it.

"Jaskier?" It was more urgent this time, which Jaskier vaguely recognized was not good, but couldn't quite recall why. When he managed to force his eyes to focus for a split second, Geralt was in front of him, before the forest swelled again and swallowed him with it. He pressed a hand over his eyes, in the vain hope blindness might put an end to the spinning; he had no such luck, and found himself drifting even in the darkness. 

"Mmm?" He hummed, which was usually Geralt's line, but he was determined to keep up the tight-lipped defiance of his own body. He felt a hand scrape his forehead, shifting his carefully mussed hair, and then move down to cup his chin between two fingers. It was a gruff, economic movement; Jaskier, in his self-imposed darkness, pretended it was tender.

"What's wrong with you?" Even Geralt's voice seemed to be swimming, tilting forward and back with each strangely distorted syllable. What isn't, Jaskier wanted to joke in return, snicker a little at Geralt's frustration. But he couldn't, at least not without giving into opening his mouth, and besides, Geralt was already in a bad mood. Instead, he shrugged, a turn of phrase about tables that turned flitting through his thoughts, and he surely felt like he was on a turning table, not that any tables Jaskier had ever seen were exactly known for turning. 

"Is it your throat?" It was a reasonable line of thought for Geralt to stroll down, to be fair, considering the whole thing with the djinn. Gods, how he wished he had a djinn right now, less-than-stellar experience aside. If he had one, there'd be none of that bloody Valdo Marx bullshit; no, instead the forest wouldn't spin anymore, his brain and tongue would cooperate, and Geralt would be in a good mood. 

Jaskier really was doing a shit job of uplifting Geralt's spirits, wasn't he? At the very least, he'd managed to tease out the source of his foul temper; at present, it was Jaskier himself. He risked a peek out into the world again, found concerned amber eyes tucked under a tight scowl tilting like a leaf in the wind, and promptly squeezed them shut again. Oh, yeah. Geralt had asked him a question— what was it? Ah, it was gone now, too late. He shook his head, hoping he was actually answering. This was a mistake, because it sent stars erupting in the darkness and an unbidden groan worming its way past his lips. 

"What, Jaskier?" Geralt sounded even more exasperated, if such a thing were possible, and Jaskier flung a hand up to press over his mouth, as if that might help whatsoever; it didn't. 

"No— fuck, I'm—" In one clumsy motion he managed to tear himself back and away from Geralt, jerk to the side, and stumble over his own two feet and onto his knees just in time to escape vomiting on Geralt's boots. That was good; vomit on his boots would've really pissed him off. The weathered hand that had earlier cupped his chin (Jaskier could still feel the ghost of it on his skin) came to sit heavy between his shoulder blades. This touch not even Jaskier could make feel gentle.

"Okay," Geralt hummed, somewhere to his side. "Alright, okay." Was this Geralt's attempt at being soothing? How Jaskier wished he could tell him he appreciated it; maybe later, when his stomach wasn't still bucking uncooperatively like a spooked horse. This was funny, too; Roach in his stomach, kicking and snorting, but Jaskier was beginning to get tired of silly tangents.

Come to think of it, Jaskier was just tired, his limbs suddenly heavy, pounding in his skull coming into sharp focus. The hand migrated up to his collar, no doubt to tug him back upright, but he wrenched free and let himself drop to the dirt before Geralt had the chance. A nap sounded absolutely divine at the moment, and he was beginning to think he couldn't care less whether the witcher stuck around to wait it out or not. (This last detail was, patently, an absolute lie, and Jaskier knew it full well even as the thought first pattered into his consciousnesses.)

Geralt rolled him over, flipped him on his side, and this was both a small mercy (he hadn't been abandoned) and a horrendous blight (the sun glaring directly into his eyes, even as he pressed a clumsy hand to cover them again.) Another callused hand swiped across his forehead, his cheek, made its way down his neck and pried back his doublet. Jaskier wasn't sure what Geralt was looking for, and he also didn't particularly think he'd find it, whatever it was. 

"There's no fever," Geralt announced, as if this were some grand discovery, a breakthrough in medical sciences. "Something you ate?" Ah, so now Geralt was playing detective, and Jaskier had all but given up on his case; another reversal of roles. Well, maybe at the very least Jaskier could give him better clues, or at least try.

"Head," he groaned, rolling back onto his side, cool dirt not unpleasant against his skin. This time, no hands tugged at him, but instead Geralt gave a soft hum, barely distinguishable from the ringing in his ears. "Hurts," he tacked on because, while it might've been implied, with Geralt it never hurt to be explicit. 

"Now we're getting somewhere." That thrice-damned hand returned again, worked its way through his hair, dragging along every bump and curve until he scuffed against a half-healed scab and a sharp pain ricocheted through Jaskier's skull. He recoiled, writhing for a moment before curling even tighter into himself. "When did you hit your head?" That was a good question, because Jaskier wasn't all too sure anymore if he even had.

"Dunno," he mumbled. Now if only Geralt could put a pause to the interrogation so he might be afforded the small mercy of dying in peace. “River?”

"Helpful." Footsteps, echoing through the dirt and drilling through his head with each heavy footfall, further and further and further away until he could only feel, not hear, them. This was fine. Not the end he felt truly befit a heroic bard of his renown, but humble enough to satisfy him nonetheless. Just him and the trees as he returned to the earth from whence he was borne. 

Then those blasted footsteps returned, those hands hoisted him, and he was face-first on the scratchy wool of his bedroll. He nuzzled against it, like a cat (he really needed to ask Geralt for the name of that cat witcher his brother knew). 

"You have a concussion." A light flickered to life somewhere in his brain at this revelation. One of his grand mysteries, finally come to its disappointingly anticlimactic conclusion. He still didn't know why Geralt had been in such a piss-poor mood, but he decided that was a puzzle for another time, letting his breath even out with impending sleep.

"Jaskier, I need to know you understand me, okay?" As soft as his words were, Jaskier couldn't help but find it incredibly rude of him to interrupt his much-needed and well-deserved rest. If he kept pushing it, Jaskier thought, perhaps Geralt would be having to solve the mystery of why he was grumpy.

"Mmm, okay." This earned him another pat on the shoulder, as gentle a touch as anything Jaskier could ever hope for. 

"I'll need to wake you periodically to make sure you don't lose what little wit you have," Geralt informed him, "but you can rest now." He felt like a sinking ship, overcome with warmth. Loose-limbed and giddy, he jutted out a clumsy hand and flailed blindly until it flopped against Geralt's arm, and he latched on. "Just tell me next time you hit your head."

"Thank you," he managed to get out on the tail end of a breath, slurred with exhaustion, disappointed when the witcher carefully extracted his wrist from his grip. A blanket settled on top of him, and he fumbled to tug it closer. 

"Just sleep." Needing no convincing, Jaskier did as he was told. And in his dreams, Geralt was in a good mood, and he could still feel the ghost of his hand on that patch of skin on his chin. 

[godiyggs]

Not As Think As You Drunk I Am.

request: “71- with eliza or angelica, like they walk into their house and see a y/n in a very drunk state saying nonsenses preety please uwu✨” @your-fella-joung-gremlin

prompt: 71: “You’ve been drinking tonight, haven’t you?”

pairing: eliza schuyler x fem! reader

a/n: this was such a cute lil drabble for me to write 🥺 i went with eliza on this one! hope you enjoy my lovely readers <3 also kinda made it a friends to lovers au! hope u don’t mind ! if it wasn’t quite what you wanted, just shoot me a message and i’ll rewrite! ( modern au )

————————————————

It was 3 am when Eliza woke up to her phone ringing. the ungodly hour of 3 am. she lay there facing her ceiling in hopes that, eventually, it would stop ringing. she let out a breath of relief when it finally did. but then came the sound of about a dozen text messages right after it.

she groaned softly before sitting up and grabbing her phone. “crap!” she gasped out as she saw the insane number of unread messages and missed calls from you. she internally scolded herself for not having guessed that sooner. it seemed like such a you thing to do. panic grew inside her as she thought about the reason you were calling.

were you perhaps hurt? had you gotten yourself into trouble? did you need her help or advice with something? she chewed on her bottom lip as she quickly dialed your number. she felt uneasy as the line was still ringing, you hadn’t yet picked up.

her suspicion of you being in danger grew stronger as a few more seconds passed and you didn’t answer. the panic grew stronger when it sent her to your voicemail. she shot up from her bed, quickly getting dressed and shoving on the closest pair of shoes. she cursed under her breath at the traffic, she felt as if she had limited time to get to you.

shutting her car door, she quickly got out of her car rushing up to your door. just her luck, it was locked. “of course it would be locked, any person with common sense would lock their door...think” she whispered to herself

eliza flushed at your endless giggles. “so you’ve just been out here in the heat, for 2 hours?” you said, a little worried but mostly with humor. she pouted “it isn’t funny! how was i supposed to know you wouldn’t be home, i don’t know your everyday schedule.” “considering you want to be around me all the time i’d think that you do” you winked playfully at her. her heart did 3 backflips.

“you’re a good friend of mine of course i wanna be around you.” she shot back, sticking her toungue out. she could’ve sworn she saw your smile fall for a second. “yeah, yeah, whatever. i know you love me, liza! there’s spare keys under the doormat by the way” you laughed at eliza’s embarrassed expression.

Eliza smiles fondly at the memory before pulling the spare key out and making her way in. “ y/n..?” she called out, peaking into the living room. and there you were, sat in front of the fireplace next to a glass and 2 empty bottles of wine. “oh great.” eliza laughed nervously. “ y/n... whatcha doin there?” she giggled, stepping into the room fully.

you looked up from staring into the nothingness of the fire, a dopey smile on your face. and again eliza felt her heart race as you beamed up at her, cheeks red and hair a little messy. “eliiizaaa~” you sang out, before laying fully on the ground. she plopped down next to you. “You’ve been drinking tonight, haven’t you?”

you almost looked offended at her question. “mmm...no... ‘course not” you replied, furrowing your eyebrows. you looked up at eliza whom was sat next to your drunk figure. “have i ever told you how extreeemely beautiful you are-?” your words slurred a bit.

Eliza’s breath caught in her throat. she definitely heard you right even through your drunk state. she breathed deeply to calm her racing heart. running her fingers through your hair, she spoke “and you are extremely drunk, lovely.” your gaze on her was as if you were admiring her.

“i like that nickname” you grinned. “i think i should give you one too, like...like the prettiest girl in the world!” eliza laughed. “nicknames are meant to be short” you pouted. “you’re short.” she lovingly rolled her eyes.

“okay, i think it’s time you go to bed. you are gonna have a killer hangover in the morning that’s for sure.” she moved your hair out of your face. “no! not yet. i wanna be awake...with you...” you trailed off at the end. “i’ll be here when you wake up, y/n.” she smiled reassuringly.

she helped you get on your feet and make your way upstairs to your room (you tripped about 2 times, the second was on purpose just to see eliza laugh). she was sat on the edge of the bed, an hour had passed and she’d assumed you had fallen asleep. that is until she shifted slightly and you called out for her.

she sighed before turning to you. “what is it?” you bit your lip. “i’m sorry. i probably woke you up and you probably have better things to do-“ she cut you off “don’t say that y/n. yeah, you did wake me up but i don’t mind. there’s not much im doing in the morning anyway.” she said, in her soft voice that you loved so much. “thank you for this, by the way. i love you.”

“and i love you.” she replied. “in the same way i do you?” you blurted out, not thinking at all. her widened eyes shot up to meet yours. “what?” she asked gently. your sober conscious was telling you to stop, to just brush it off like nothing but you had kept it bottled in long enough.

“you say you love me but i want to know if it’s the same way i love you...i-it’s something beyond platonic liza. i love you. i wanna be with you.” fireworks went off in elizas chest once again, she felt the world stop. she bit her tongue and tried not to gain false hope. “y/n, you’re drunk-“ “no! i would say the same thing sober” you frowned, crossing your arms. she giggled at your childish antics. “don’t laugh...” you mumbled.

she stood up and walked to you, blush on her cheeks. “well, about your statement earlier.” she cupped you’re head in her hands. “i love you too. and it’s something beyond platonic as well” she placed a soft kiss on your nose.

“you missed.” you shot out, smirking. she looked at you, puzzled. “hm?” before she could even process anything else, your lips were on hers in a flash. and her stomach filled with butterflies as she kissed back gently. after a few seconds, you both pulled away. noses resting against each other, giggles and occasional nose kisses being shared.

next thing you know, she’s cuddled up to you. you’d fallen asleep right after the soft moment, knocked out cold and snoring. eliza rested her head on your chest, listening to your heartbeat. the thud of it was relaxing to her, and she follows right in your footsteps.

you woke up the next morning with a horrible headache, regretting drinking so much last night. however your regret faded when you looked down at eliza sleeping soundly in your embrace.

recalling the past events, you shared a high five with your drunk self.

that girl is mine...

[volvolts]

trying again. im gonna talk about my ocs. its pretty long and kinda incoherent idk

first start with robin

idk how to make the picture smaller so im sorry

- her name is robin wright and she’s 17

BACKSTORY

- her mom is a cyberneticist and her dad is a neurosurgeon. they do research on cyborg’s disease and have a company that makes prosthetics. they’re really rich because if it

- robin also had a twin brother named ronan (she’s the younger twin btw). he died when they were 15 because he had a rare case of cyborg’s disease in the brain. his death was so traumatizing for her that she doesn’t remember the months surrounding his death. she doesn’t even remember the funeral

- after ronan’s death, robin’s parents put her into isolation for two years. they pulled her out of her classes and activities and she barely got human interactions during this time

- eventually she had enough and begged to be allowed out which they do--as long as she has a bodyguard with her at all times. the problem? robin had a hard time getting along with most of them. in fact, ryuji is kind of a last resort. if she doesn’t get on well with him, she’ll most likely be isolated until further notice

random facts

- she’s really smart, a natural genius you could say. she was on her third year in college before she was pulled from it (she’s studying to be a neurosurgeon like her father). she’s one of those organized highlighter/color coded note takers too

- robin is a very compassionate person and is compelled to help others as much as she can. 

- stubborn and determined, she’ll pursue nearly everything and won’t back down until she has answers. sometimes she doesn’t know when to stop and accidentally oversteps her boundaries. it’s not because she’s needlessly nosy but because she wants to know the whole story before she can help them

- she has a overactive imagination and would end up thinking up outlandish ideas to fill in the blanks of things she doesn’t know

- robin is one of those people who’s polite and reserved if she doesn’t know you but will talk your ear off when she’s comfortable with you

- she closer with her father, which is why she’s studying the same subject that he works in

- both of her parents are incredibly successful and she’s expected to do something similar so she has a lot on her shoulders

- she hasn’t worked a day in her life but she has unusually strong endurance and stamina

- she has a dog! he’s a golden retriever and his name is beck. he’s an old dog and she loves him very much 

next is ryuji

- his name is ryuji lor and he’s 22

- he also goes by “ryder” (technically he’s supposed to go by that throughout most of my half-baked story because he never told anyone is real name but that’s beside the point)

- he’s a quarter japanese and three quarters se asian (not really sure what kind yet but im thinking somewhere within the vietnam/laos area)

BACKSTORY 

- a bit of TW: FAMILY ABUSE in this passage so skip if it bothers you:  his mom got pregnant with him while she was in college and because her boyfriend bailed on her and stress of the pregnancy and burnout she dropped out and went back to her family. she was seen as “the good one” of the family and was expected to get a good job to get her family out of poverty however when she came back they were incredibly bitter that she “failed” and would verbally and emotionally put her down. They also blamed ryuji because if he wasn’t born then she wouldn’t have dropped out and he was often ostracized because of it. 

- fortunately he and his mom left when he turned 5. they lived in a small apartment and had to get lots of help from neighbors and friends to make ends meet (mostly to babysit ryuji while his mom worked). ryuji vowed to get smart and get a good job to give his mother the life she deserves (and partly because he feels a part of her really does hate him and he wants to make it up to her somehow because if he doesn’t, was he just a parasite like what his aunts and uncles said?)

- when he turned 10, his mom got married and how he has two moms. they’re hard on him but it’s from a place of love so he tries his best to be a good son by studying and staying out of trouble

- at 17, ryuji has a bit of hope ahead of him. he has a part time job, good grades, and maybe a scholarship if he could qualify. suddenly he’s diagnosed with cyborg’s disease in his eyes and arm. they can’t afford either of his surgeries, let alone one. and that’s not going into the prosthetics and rehab afterwards. at night when they think he’s asleep, ryuji hears his moms arguing about how they’ll be able to afford any of it and what they’ll have to do to pay for it. 

- he can’t take it anymore. he runs away

- he ends up in a city he doesn’t recognize and is just allowing himself to die but he gets saved by irving, a back alley repair doctor. he gets prosthetics thanks to her but is now in a massive debt so he works as her assistant and also finds other jobs on the side to repay it

- his backstory is getting really long so things happen in ryuji’s attempt to make money and he ends up also working with ace, who leads an organized crime group, as a handler whose job is to fight/intimidate/kill whoever. 

- a sudden coincidence also ends up working as robin’s bodyguard which starts everything. honestly he’s didn’t want to do this job at first but robin’s parents are willing to pay a good amount of money and it allows him to have time away from his jobs with ace

random facts

- he’s left hand but learned to be ambidextrous, however he’ll usually default to his left hand

- he wore glasses when he was younger (near sighted; it was super bad but he didn’t like it)

- he’s afraid of dogs. it’s not a full on phobia but they make him uneasy because of a childhood thing. (he’s more of a cat person and maybe pets a few stray cats that come across his house every once in a while)

- he doesn’t like people staring at him. he feels self-conscious because of the scar on his face and the shadowed bags under his eyes and people staring at him don’t help

- ryuji is really good with prosthetics repair and can go into in-depth discussions about the mechanics of it all; he actually really enjoys working on it and actually helped design his own arm

- he’s really smart but he had to work really hard to get there and because he never finished his education, he doesn’t really think he is either

- ryuji tries to give off a “i don’t care about anyone” bravado to try and distance himself from everything. but he really cares. like a lot. the few people he has in his life right now, he’s ride or die for them

- ryuji works himself to death to ignore his problems. he’s afraid if he stops moving, he’ll buckle under the pressure and stop forever

- he has a knife hidden in his prosthetic forearm which he will use if he feels threatened. (it’s probably a stiletto knife or something idk yet)

- ryuji is an early riser; waking up at 9 am feels like sleeping in to him. he’s not even that much of a morning person, its mostly out of habit

then there’s castor

- his name is castor oda and he’s 24

- he’s japanese

BACKSTORY

- he lived in a really strict and controlling family who owned a business where he had his entire life planned out for him up to who he was going to marry. he’s always been angry about it because he has older siblings who will take over the company and it’s clear that more of a control and image thing than anything else

- when he went to college, it was his first time actually be away from his family and became friends with a guy named ben. 

- ben helped castor when his family kicked him out at 19 and gave him a place to stay until he could get back on his feet

- castor loved ben like a brother and is forever grateful for him

- ben mysteriously disappeared when they were 21 and everyone is pretty sure he’s dead but no one knows why

- castor wants to find closure on what happened because he’s definitely sure there’s something shady going on and he’s going to find out what.

- he’s an information broker, occasionally crossing paths with ace to relay and gather info but for the most part, castor has been working alone

- when he’s not doing that though, he works as a barista at a coffee shop

random facts

- he has cyborg’s disease in his right arm and when he lived with his family, he was deeply self-conscious about it

- he hasn’t spoken to his parents since they kicked him out but he still talks to his siblings sometimes; he’s the youngest child with two older sisters

- he always had an inkling that ben had romantic feelings for him, which was unrequited, and castor always felt a little guilty that he never reciprocated or that they never got to talk about it

- castor always wears his red scarf no matter the occasion or weather; he has more scarves but he just likes the red one the best

- people think he’s like calm and collected but in reality he’s an impulsive, emotional driven idiot just like the rest of us

- however he is the master of the polite business smile because of his strict upbringing

- he’s a rather disorganized person

next is irving

- her name is ellie irving and she’s 35

- she’s half black, half white

BACKSTORY 

- i don’t have that much solidified for her backstory yet so it might change fyi

- irving had been doing cybernetic research back in college but someone plagiarized her work and submitted their paper before she came forward

- because the paper was published before she published hers, SHE was initially hit with backlash of plagiarism

- eventually they try to sort it out but in the end, while she proved she didn’t plagiarize the other, she couldn’t prove that she came up with the research first and they just terminated the both her and the plagiarist

- she was barred from going into higher cybernetics research and honestly she’s still a bit bitter about it

- she went into prosthetics repair instead but still struggled to find work because of her alleged reputation, which many still believed she stole another’s work

- eventually she manages to open up a shop that specializes in prosthetic repairs and replacements

random facts

- she’s really harsh and aloof, however she cares in her own way

- honestly irving doesn’t believe herself to be a good person due to how she feels she let herself to bitterly sulk in her anger for so long

- she smokes a bit but she’s trying to cut back lately

- irving won’t pry if you come to her with a broken arm and you need help; she’ll fix you up and leave it at that and allow you to come to her yourself

- she’s incredibly observant and can tell if your lying with just a glance

- she doesn’t know that ryuji works for ace; she’s concerned when he seems more tired than usual but she doesn’t know how to pry

last one cuz im tired

his name is ace (i don’t have a last name for him) and he’s 32

- he owns an organized crime ring; im thinking he’s connected to something bigger and possibly something with the black market

- not much is known about him but he’s a charismatic man and has the intimidation factor 

- he flips his demeanor a lot. one minute he’s jovial and kind then the next he’ll give you thinly veil threats. he mostly does it to keep people on their toes so it’s a power thing

- begrudgingly he’s the closest thing to a father figure ryuji is gonna get

- also the jacket ryuji always wears? it’s a gift from ace

and that’s all i got so far! i have a lot more ocs but i don’t have have a lot of backstory for them yet. let me know what you think of these guys and feel free to ask questions!