#I was kind of self conscious for actually unironically liking it BECAUSE OF PEOPLE IN THIS FANDOM

[prisonpodcast]

Now that #those people have moved on from the fandom can I just say that I’ve always felt like a lot of people (like the majority) of people who considered themselves loreheads never actually liked the lore. Like maybe the reason you kept complaining about every stream being “out of character” is bc you don’t actually like the canon characters, you liked the versions of them you created in your own head 😭

Like it was always “fanfic is always so much better than canon” “the ccs don’t know what they’re doing” and ofc the obligatory post about how lore is objectively really bad actually and people only watch bc they like the ccs bc OF COURSE we need to be catering to antis — and all this FROM SELF PROCLAIMED LORE FANS LIKE ??? I always just kinda felt like I was the only one who was here bc I actually liked the lore lol.

[immeasurablesaladagere]

Hello salad 🫶 Can I please get some little Taub or Park headcanons please? My underrated kings 🙏

I'll do both!

Taub

Is a middle regressor with an age range of 12 to around 16.

In his ✨💀emo phase💀✨ almost all the time when he's regressed. If he has a say in what he's wearing than it's all black with band T-shirts, skull accessories, too many bracelets, and beanies. He might even get into dark eye makeup if he's feeling fancy that day.

His teenager brain really hates being bald. Almost never without a hat.

Actually becomes really good at using liquid eyeliner when he's regressed, and that skill doesn't transfer to when he's big somehow.

Very "stereotypical 80's movie teen". Kind of has an apathetic "ugh, whatever" attitude about most things and doesn't like being told what to do, lots of demand avoidance.

He is willing to help caregivers out with babysitting though. He pretends he doesn't care but he does and everyone knows it.

"Taub, turn the music on your iPod down, you'll hurt your ears!" - Wilson, yelling

"Yeah whatever, Mom!" - Taub, yelling back (he turns it down secretly)

Stops liking coffee and switches to sugary energy drinks for his caffeine intake instead. He also consumes much more caffeine while regressed if no one stops him.

Most of his emotional woes are being chronically unhappy with his life choices and having a simultaneous quarter and mid-life crisis at the same time.

Touchy about his appearance, as all self-conscious teens.

Likes playing Mario and Legend of Zelda games.

Doesn't have stuffed animals, but he does have a lot of game/band keychains.

Owns a few fidgets like a fidget cube and a Rubik's cube, and has a little collection of magnets to mess with.

Journals (He insists it is not a diary)

-

Park

Little age anywhere from 2-8. She's usually all the way on one end or the other, but occasionally goes in-between.

Didn't know what the heck was going on with her when she first regressed starting in med-school because of the stress, and of course, being a med-student, she jumped to the worst possible conclusion and thought she had a brain tumour or something.

She just nervously sat on that information until her psych class discussed age regression, and then just went "Oh."

Regresses almost entirely involuntarily and due to stress or fear (she also regressed that one time she was on acid, only House really picked up on it). It doesn't happen very often, usually when she's sleep deprived and otherwise upset.

Has a box of the bare-minimum in the way of little gear. A pacifier that's light blue, a colouring book with some crayons, a white bear with a pink bow around its neck, and a little whiteboard list of self-care things so she remembers to actually do them.

Refers to her caregivers very respectfully, using Mr. and Mrs. for everything, or in the case of her coworkers, Doctor [name]. She will not stop calling them that even though they've said she doesn't have to.

Asks people bluntly if they can shut up so she can read her picture books.

The kind of kid where if you sit them down at those restaurants with the paper on the tables for colouring she'll do her best to make a masterpiece and impress the workers.

Will ask you why you look so ugly. She's not being mean, she genuinely wants to know. Absolutely no filter.

Rambles about her current interests and will just keep going if you don't stop her.

Her favourite caregiver is Cuddy, she likes to give her the pictures she draws.

Watches nature documentaries about the ocean and unironically watches the Telletubbies. She loves how creepy they look.

[staringdownabarrel]

Let me preface this by saying I don't know if I'm actually going to go through with this because I haven't written fan fiction since I was in my early teens, and if I do I don't know if I'll post it because I don't know if I'll be happy with it. (Despite my One Gimmick being that I'm a ranting, raving lunatic, I actually am very self conscious about my writing. I'm okay with posting in this format because basically every longer text post I post is a first draft with minimal proofreading, and that makes things easier for me for some reason.)

Anyway, I have an idea for a Star Trek fan fic, post-DS9 in the late 24th century/early 25th kind of period--so basically more or less overlapping with Picard. When I say idea, I really just mean I have a vague concept of what the cast would look like.

The captain would be someone who'd previously been on a deep space mission on a Galaxy-class ship. Apparently they're built for twenty year missions, so they will have entirely missed the Dominion War, and will more or less be the kind of Starfleet True Believer that the TNG crew were for the most part.

The XO will be someone who saw some pretty extensive service during the Dominion War. They'd still be a true believer because they remember Starfleet as it was before the war, but they're still sorta balancing that with the more militarised reality they saw after it.

The chief of security would sorta be like Nog in the sense that he was drummed out of the Academy a couple of years early because Starfleet needed some warm bodies on deck. Everyone sorta expects them to go into Edgy McEdgelord territory, and sometimes they do teeter on the edge of it, but they usually swing back around to being the most unironically enthusiastic about Federation ethics.

The chief medical officer was commissioned just after the war wrapped up.

The chief engineer was on Voyager, so they also missed the war, but probably have stronger opinions about it because of having served with the Maquis for seven years. (They may actually be a former Maquis, but I'm not 100% on this point yet. It depends on whether or not I think I could do something interesting with that angle.)

The helmsperson and the chief science officer or the chief of operations, depending on which one I go with, would both have entered and graduated the Academy well after the Dominion War. So while they both believe in the Federation, they're also working with a murkier sense of Starfleet ethics and are sorta going through culture shock when they realise the rest of the senior staff have unbridled enthusiasm about the propaganda posters.

So this cast would more or less allow for a Rule of Twos--two who missed the Dominion War due to being otherwise indisposed, two who were veterans of it, two who graduated straight after, and two who were in the Academy for part or all of it (chief of security would have at least done some training during the war), two who came much later. That'd allow for a full spread of ideas of what Starfleet means, what its issues are, etc.

The main thrust of the actual story would be something Zalkonian related. That'd make sense because that'd still be a legacy race that allows for a lot of storylines that'd still largely fit with canon, but also allow a lot of room so people couldn't get too mad that it didn't quite match their interpretation because they were only in one episode.

I think it'd be sorta cool to take a character like John Doe who was in the early stages of the ascent to non-corporeal status but also explicitly asked for political asylum. Another idea I'm considering is maybe there's a breakaway colony who's asking for Federation membership, or a potential defector trying to cross over, similar to Jarok from TNG's The Defector.

Again, I don't know if I'm actually going to go through with writing this or not. Even if I do, I don't know if I'll ever post it online anywhere. It's sorta in that early stage of being a thought whose stars I haven't formed into constellations yet.

[mx-piggy]

i’ve said this before but i have several issues with Helluva Boss, some minor and some more major. i absolutely understand why people don’t like it and refuse to watch it and there are valid critiques to be made about the show, like its lack of focus on female characters and how it handles certain topics (though i won’t comment on that as someone who lacks personal experience with that kind of thing; iykyk).

but, despite its faults, it’s still a show i enjoy watching, even though i always try to engage critically with it in terms of its ‘problematic’ elements.

for one, i can watch it for free without resorting to piracy, and it’s because i don’t have to pay for it that i can forgive most of its faults and appreciate it for what it is. two, it’s just really entertaining to me. i get that people think it can be overly edgy and reliant on swearing or referencing sex every other sentence, but it does make me genuinely laugh a lot of the time, and the jokes that don’t land for me don’t bother me.

it brings me back to reading over-the-top fanfics as a kid, which weren’t incredible pieces of literature but they were really engaging and fun and had a lot of passion behind them. i’ve always been easily entertained and i find it easy to get invested in fictional characters and their relationships, so that definitely helps. and i guess this show does have some writing choices that i view as being unironically good.

i’ve actually genuinely connected with the show at times as well. Loo Loo Land meant a lot to me as a miserable teenager-going-on-adult coping with the messy breakdown of my parents’ relationship that at times really resembled Stolas and Stella’s relationship in certain ways. additionally, i really relate to Blitzø as someone who’s deeply insecure and struggles with close relationships of any kind. so, that stuff means more to me than people online who just don’t like it.

despite the fact i made this post, i don’t feel like i’m obliged to justify my media preferences to internet strangers because i’m an adult and i’m free to enjoy whatever media i want within reason. i’m not so chronically online that i lack self-awareness (hopefully, anyway; feel free to tell me to touch some grass or something). but i must admit that i’m a little self-conscious about engaging with this show and its fandom on a public (ish) scale because it has a certain reputation and many critics and i don’t want to be perceived as someone who just blindly enjoys a show without engaging with its kinda problematic elements. believe me, i’m aware that my anxiety around being a fan of a cartoon seems very silly. though at the end of the day i also just wanted to get some of my thoughts about the show and my relationship with it out there. i tend to only see people who either hate the show and people who love the show without much middle ground between them, so i just wanted to offer my own perspective on the show to anyone who cares to read it.

[erabundus]

𝐌𝐔𝐒𝐄 𝐅𝐀𝐕𝐎𝐑𝐈𝐓𝐄𝐒; 𝐏𝐑𝐄𝐅𝐄𝐑𝐄𝐍𝐂𝐄𝐒

𝐀𝐍𝐈𝐌𝐀𝐋: i  don't  think  he  has  any  particular  favorite  animal;  he's  just  uniformly  more  fond  of  them  than  people. 𝐅𝐋𝐎𝐖𝐄𝐑: nilotpala lotus! 𝐒𝐂𝐄𝐍𝐓: natural scents; clean air, rain, fresh flowers. 𝐂𝐎𝐅𝐅𝐄𝐄: black  coffee.  though  he  unironically  likes  chewing  on  the  roasted  beans  as  a  snack  if  he  has  the  option. 𝐓𝐄𝐀: for  a  tea  fan,  ren  really  isn't  so  picky?  as  long  as  it's  sufficiently  bitter,  he's  more  or  less  willing  to  drink  any  kind. 𝐃𝐑𝐈𝐍𝐊: honestly,  if  he's  going  to  go  for  anything,  it's  going  to  be  tea  or  coffee.  although,  in  the  modern  au  he  also  really  enjoys  bottled,  unsweetened  iced  tea. 𝐀𝐋𝐂𝐎𝐇𝐎𝐋𝐈𝐂 𝐁𝐄𝐕𝐄𝐑𝐀𝐆𝐄: he likes snezhnayan fire-water and other equally strong spirits. not for the taste necessarily ( though unsurprisingly, he prefers more bitter alcohol ) but simply because it's easier for him to get intoxicated. 𝐅𝐎𝐎𝐃: he  really  isn't  picky  —  provided  something  isn't  overly  sweet  or  overly  sticky,  ren is  more  or  less  willing  to  eat  whatever  is  available.  he  does  have  a  distinct  fondness  for  all  things  seafood;  fish,  shellfish  and  the  like.  as  far  as  how  the  food  is  consumed,  he  likes  skewers  or  soups  —  but  that's  really  it.  vegetables,  meats,  fruits.  ren  is  pretty  indifferent  otherwise;  he's  interested  in  food  for  the  experience  of  taste,  not  for  any  nutritional  benefit.  he  may  get  a  tiny  energy  boost  from  eating  simply  because  that's  how  his  body  processes  anything  he  ingests,  but  it's  so  insignificant  it's  barely  worth  mentioning  at  all. 𝐃𝐄𝐒𝐒𝐄𝐑𝐓: unsurprisingly  he  isn't  a  big  dessert  person  —  but  he  does  like  very  bitter  dark  chocolate.  (  frozen;  it  changes  the  texture.  )  he's  also  quite  fond  of  black  licorice  in  modernverse  specifically.  canon  ren  hasn't  tried  it  (  yet  )  but  he  would  enjoy  it  all  the  same. 𝐀𝐑𝐓𝐈𝐂𝐋𝐄 𝐎𝐅 𝐂𝐋𝐎𝐓𝐇𝐈𝐍𝐆: hat,  hat,  hat.  all  joking  aside,  it's  genuinely  a  huge  comfort  item  —  and  if  ren  willingly  removes  it,  it's  effectively  an  unspoken  show  of  trust.  he's  more  or  less  saying  he's  comfortable  being  vulnerable  around  you. 𝐋𝐄𝐅𝐓 𝐎𝐑 𝐑𝐈𝐆𝐇𝐓 𝐇𝐀𝐍𝐃𝐄𝐃: he's  actually  ambidextrous!  he's  equally  comfortable  using  either  hand  for  anything;  ren  just  prefers  to  feign  being  right  handed.  if  asked,  he'll  try  to  spin  some  lie  about  how  it's  more  strategically  viable  to  trick  his  adversaries  into  thinking  he  has  a  dominant  hand  —  when  in  actuality,  he's  a  bit  self-conscious  about  it. 𝐒𝐋𝐎𝐏𝐏𝐘 𝐎𝐑 𝐍𝐄𝐀𝐓 𝐖𝐑𝐈𝐓𝐈𝐍𝐆: his  handwriting  is  very  neat;  calligraphy  is  one  of  the  hobbies  that's  successfully managed  to  keep  his  attention  over  the  years.  (  as  opposed  to  the  myriad  of  interests  he  picks  up  and  drops  just  as  quickly.  )  ren  more  or  less  writes  in  two  different  styles  —  a  sweeping,  elegant  print  reserved  for  more  professional  matters,  and  a  clean  sort  of  font  that  looks  a  little  unnatural.  like  it's  a bit too  perfect,  like  it's  been  stenciled  in. 𝐂𝐋𝐄𝐀𝐍 𝐎𝐑 𝐌𝐄𝐒𝐒𝐘 𝐇𝐎𝐌𝐄: he's a stickler for neatness. he IS the guest who will quietly judge you if your house isn't neat enough to meet his standards. 𝐒𝐇𝐎𝐖𝐄𝐑 𝐈𝐍 𝐌𝐎𝐑𝐍𝐈𝐍𝐆 𝐎𝐑 𝐍𝐈𝐆𝐇𝐓: whenever  the  mood  or  opportunity  strikes  him.  i  think  he  likes  to  soak  in  hot  springs  whenever  he  can  find  them  —  even  if  his  low  body  temperature  makes  it  feel  a  bit  like  he's  boiling  alive. 𝐋𝐎𝐕𝐄 𝐋𝐀𝐍𝐆𝐔𝐀𝐆𝐄: acts of service! acts of service! acts of service! 𝐁𝐄𝐋𝐈𝐄𝐕𝐄 𝐈𝐍 𝐋𝐎𝐕𝐄 𝐀𝐓 𝐅𝐈𝐑𝐒𝐓 𝐒𝐈𝐆𝐇𝐓: no.  he's  more  the  type  to  mock  anyone  who  believes  in  it  for  being  too  unrealistic.

TAGGED BY: @ironbloodcd ( thank you! ) TAGGING: @haereses @monogatcri @abysshearted @theoneandonii @aeviare @ruinlost @drolliic

[gothnitsa]

How does one get over Irony poisoning?

Ok, so I already know this is going be something I don't think anyone can give me solid advice on, but I saw Ethel Cain's post about how no one takes anything seriously anymore and I feel like this is something that has seriously infected my thinking too.

I am already a deeply self-conscious person due to my upbringing and the pretty severe ridicule I suffered as a child and I feel like I've been very slowly drip fed poison over the course of my life.

I feels as though I can't make or do anything without being observed by an unknown and deeply judgmental audience and must thus make things a joke. This isn't just an online thing for sure. I feel like any attempt at sincerity will be met with people making jokes about it. I think part of my coping regarding this is to embrace it. "I'm making people smile, I'm making them laugh; so what if it's at my expense, they find it funny." But This just makes my life and creative endeavors feel kind of hollow. Like, don't get me wrong, I love to laugh and I love making people laugh. But sometimes it just feels so mutually exclusive. You either have to be the most stone faced unmovable bitch alive or the sunny smilely girl.

It's honestly gotten to the point where it's infiltrated my sexuality: I feel like I can't even be "unironically horny" anymore. I feel like I have to even make my own sexual arousal a joke. My own attraction to people has to be couched in several layers of irony and humour and scarcasm. I can't confess love to anyone anymore. I can't even say I love you with out peppering jokes or cutting in with "jk I actually hate you" and then immedately appologising and trying to say I love you again before the instincts come in and tell me to call them a "butt face" or something.

I just wish I knew how to shut these little nagging voices up. The voice in my head that is rolling its eyes are every attempt at expressing myself in a genuine way, not just online or even just creatively.

When I try to tell a story of something traumatic that happened or express my love for my friends I feel like I have to couch it in humour to disarm the judging voices in my head. Or maybe that's just the fear of intimacy talking and that's a separate issue altogether. I just hate being like this tbh. I wish I didn't feel like I had to live in this binary of being a clown or being a statue. I am tired of needing to make people laugh, I hate that I feel almost uncomfortable if I don't make people laugh. Like if someone doesn't laugh at my story of the worst things that have ever happened to me in my entire life I failed somehow. Now that I think about it, it honestly feels like I am afraid of being treated like a child. Because that's how I feel whenever someone laughs at my sincere attempts at anything. I feel like a kid. I feel like everyone around me is a grown up laughing at how funny it was that the stupid little girl tried to do something and it's so cute how she is trying. I feel a weird amount of remorse over this since i myself have a chuckle at really self-serious Shadow the hedgehog fan edits with Three Days Grace playing in the background. But, at the same time, I know this is something that I myself would have made as a kid. There's a weird perverse sadomasochistic pleasure in laughing at yourself. Like, it's fine to not take yourself so seriously, but I feel like so often I become my own biggest bully. Like I'm just paroting everything that the kids who made fun of me used to say and do.

This is a rather long and nonsensical rant but I just wanted to put this all out in writing because I think it's been a problem that's plauged me my entire adult life and is greatly hindering me now in many many ways. I recognise that this is a problem that has been building over the years and is not entirely my fault —as my therapist once said "you did not put those voices in there"— but I do still feel a lot of responsibility to fix myself and it's frustrating that it feels so impossible.

Anyway, I should probably watch the Contrapoints cringe video again. I feel like that woman has made videos specifically addressing each of my brain worms and i just watch them and am like "Wow, awesome, I will internalise none of this and only remember the jokes and cunty outfits she wore."

[serenawitchwriter]

BNHA fusion (Bakusquad/Deku)

BakuDeku

HE NUMBER ONE HERO

SCREAMS

DESTRUCTION!

is so insecure tho, don’t tell anyone

WILL ALSO TAKE ANY CHALLENGE

SCARY

YOU CAN’T HURT HIM??

SUPER UNSTABLE

ONLY GETS ALONG WITH KIRASHIMA

really wants to be friends with everyone though, please?

WOULD KILL YOU

NEVER SHUTS UP

BREAKS EVERYTHING INCLUDING HIMSELF, STILL COMES AFTER YOU

AND HE’S SMART!!??

HONEST

kinda hates himself, but in an apathetic way

NEVER GIVES UP

possibly Undyne from Undertale?

cries when frustrated

ADMIRABLE DESPITE ALL HIS FLAWS

UNSTOPPABLE WHEN HE PUTS HIS MIND TO SOMETHING

gets strangely flustered around people he admires, comes across as tsundere

KiriDeku

MANLY AS HELL

SO STRONG

FRIENDS WITH EVERYONE

WILL BENCH PRESS ALL HIS FRIENDS AT ONCE

A HERO FANBOY SQUARED

TOUGH AS NAILS

ALMOST ALWAYS SMILING

freckles and shark teeth

explosion of red fluffy hair, green roots

is very private with their insecurity. will go quiet and thoughtful when left alone

unshakably kind

MOTIVATES YOU

TRIES TO USE SLANG AND FAILS

has this weird habit of headbutting things and breaking them?

Bakugou hates but tolerates them? he acts more like a wet cat than sparky sparky boom man

they are LITERALLY the only person who can get away with hugging him

(Bakugou secretly loves them)

SO

MANY

BRO

HUGS!!!

prone towards depression but makes himself feel better by helping people

LITERALLY EVERYONE LOVES THEM

gives off a strangely unattainable vibe

DekuMina

watermelon, freckled pink skin, green fluffy hair that is amazingly curly. horns

green eyes, with black sclara

cute beyond reason

really really excitable

#1 friend, always knows when something is wrong and how to cheer people up

socially conscious. can hang out with basically anyone and be liked

an ambivert

loves dancing and moving and fighting. incredibly flexible but also muscular. sorta Mirko physique only unmatured

has sick kicks and flips

hates bullies and will punch clocks out without hesitation

can be kinda obnoxious, especially because they don’t know how to shut up

will tease you accurately if you call them out. they’re not mean, but can pick out what’s actually wrong. getting called out when you’re trying to be mad is also obnoxious

extremely tactile and clingy. loves hugging and just touching their friends. Mido never felt like he had permission before, but combined with Mina they give out touches freely

slightly dark, self-depreciating humor but you can never tell if they’re serious

both intentionally and unintentionally funny

clumsy, a bit of a space case

makes fun of Bakugou the most

gets really creative in the type of acid they make and how they use it, particularly combined with the tentacle quirk

has no fashion sense. Mina might be able to claim her bright colors and patterns are an aesthetic. but DekuMina can make no such claim. they are an eyesore and they love it. ugly is their aesthetic and they will not apologize

unironically wears eye-searing Hawaiian shirts, bakugou hates this about them

unironically finger guns at every opportunity

KamiDeku

oh man, they are not okay

chronic pain

trying to cover up that anything is wrong with smiles and humor x2

yellow hair with more than once green lightning streak

electric green eyes that glow constantly

attacks with green lightning in general. it’s overpowered but they can control where it’s going now.

unafraid to go all out in a fight and suffers physically and mentally for it

really hard on themselves, low confidence

the kind of adhd where they have a million interest and skill-sets. they’ve learned so much, they genuinely are really smart. but they remember absolutely nothing

they get really frustrated and will often cry because of this. they know the information is there but they can never find it when they need it. they’re just reaching into their brain and finding nothing when they know something is supposed to be there. they hate it

pretty depressed

an incredibly loyal friend, always trying to help no matter how worn out they are

is genuinely really funny. they know how to do critical and aware humor, situational humor, improv. they could do standup if they tried.

probably eats really weird food. i see them combining bizarre food items together and really liking it. will put garbage into their body, shaggy style

easygoing when they don’t have any stressors

but extremely anxious when there are stressors (note: there are a lot of stressors)

stims with their hands a lot. their hands just can’t hold still. will flap twiddle, twitch, tap, anything

the friend that will try to put all the focus on you when it’s clear that they’re the one having a meltdown.

is baby

the friend groups come out in force for this one. they will not let them feel alone or bad. kamideku is getting the support they need

loves cuddles

JiroDeku

vibing

Jirou brings out Mido’s attitude, so honestly they are mean and sassy and sarcastic. they’d insult you and you’d thank them for it

straight green and purple hair in an gradient, keeps the earlobes.

trying and succeeding to be punk rock but is also adorable. like you know they can and will kick your ass, but they are also so short and they have chubby cheeks and freckles. they’re adorable

a short and compensating for it vibe except they are legitimately edgy

they might be nb, but they are also absolutely still a sword lesbian

sonic boom quirk. they will destroy building with their quirk, they will destroy eardrums

absolutely in a punk band and capable of rapping

probably does vocaloid/computer based music

could also see them using a gun

I could see them being into arson, too, hopefully only for good reasons 

is wild and chaotic. they are genuinely having a lot of fun.

their grin is absolutely feral and a threat, and honestly that’s very valid and sexy of them

pretty chill when they aren’t up to shit, 

constantly listening to music, always has a pair of good headphones around their neck

vibes  with Bakugou more than Jirou does alone.

big sister to most of the class

probably kicks doors open

serodeku

spiderman

weird, not in an artistic or intentional way. they just have an off vibe

unsettling smile, freckles, eyes that are a bit to big. curly black hair.

on the plain side

lanky and scarred

can shoots energy, tentacles, and tape from elbows.

great a parkour, has fantastic mobility

full of nervous energy, but still 100% down to fuck with people

secretly a sadist.

will call anyone out when they’re being stupid or reckless

pretty social

loves fruits and vegetables

loves tv, could probably tell you everything about the show he’s watching

pretty bashful

besties with Kaminari and Kirishima

a great hype man

insane, slightly scary pranks

it’s hard to tell what they’re thinking, especially in a fight

fantastic at creating traps and pushing people into them

tries to pretend he’s not as dangerous or confident as he really is. would prefer to be underestimated

tends to talk down his achievements as a result

but knows exactly how powerful they are

(masterlist)

[telaraneas]

im still in the process of PROPERLY reading all of Detective Pony because dirk im sorry but i have adhd i cant sit through all of those words at once. its not even that the concepts are too advanced, its just that im p sure he deliberately goes out of his way to be as obtuse and pretentious as he possibly can be (which is pitch perfect characterization sndjej)

ive read it in chunks out of order by skimming and then going back and forth, which is almost definitely cheating but also the only way i can actually digest everything going on here. detective pony is a masterpiece on about 5 different levels, it captures a very specific type of metafiction silly-to-crushingly-serious rabbit hole that i have seen over and over and which i'm struck by and fascinated with each time, even the most shallow and un-self aware of these kinds of works fascinate me (...so yes including stuff like the overbloated disaster mess that are the nostalgia critic movies)

detective pony is just unironically very engaging tho no matter how deep it goes into embarrasing dialectics and struggles with the admission of responsibility about the things you create and about how the entire book IS an extension of his psyche no matter how much he frames it like a struggle against him. the whole thing reads like a microcosm of his whole mental state and especially the fact that as he says. he set out to make a birthday present for jane and ended up just making a whole thing thats about himself and his ego and his struggles with that ego and the terrifying fact that no matter how much he says hes ashamed of it and that no one should read it, he is STILL in the active process of creating it and putting his feelings out there and arguing with himself in the form of socratic dialogue and that, in the end, he DOES end up giving it to jane

and i cant stop thinking about how jane DID READ IT. like i fully 100% believe she read every word

dirk and jane have one of the most interesting relationships in homestuck i think because they honestly care about each other and can be honest with each other in a way they struggle to be with the rest of their friend group, but in a way that's BECAUSE of how emotionally detached they tend to be. like, dirk has his whole mass of issues, but jane's deal is that she tries to be very Nice and conscious of other people's feelings, but because she's, yknow, not a perfect human being, she doesn't ACTUALLY believe everything she says, and she doesn't say most of the things she thinks, because she doesn't want to hurt others and doesn't realize this, too, is a selfish impulse, maybe moreso than actually saying what she feels

i mean. jane was SO committed to only saying what she thought was the most socially nice and appropiate thing to say, that she blew her chance with jake in the dumbest way and then kept digging her hole into the depths of the earth akdnsknd and then she dug in her heels and kept being A Good Friend against her actual wishes until her passiveness turned to passive aggression and then blew up into ACTUAL AGRESSION

I think jane and dirk kind of have similar yet opposite problems in a way, where, like... dirk doesn't want to burden others with his feelings and so tries to hide behind a billion layers of detachment and masks (to the point jake spends the entire story up to entering sburb interacting with dirk without ever actually TALKING to him directly much to his frustration), but despite that stated goal, his feelings and authentic self STILL wind up as the most overtly everpresent fact of the friend group's lives, because moderation just escapes him, so it's like the faucet is at full blast of dirk all over everyone while he stares at it wondering why the fuck he's like this

and then there's jane who is like... she WANTS to connect with others. she WANTS to understand others and be understood in return. she wants to be a good friend and a presence in their lives that they find worthwile. so with her the faucet is closed completely, other than the inescapable droplets that make her support come across as transparently condescending or passive agressive when her heart just isn't in it. jane has SUCH massive trouble expressing her actual, genuine, unironic 100% from the heart Feelings And State Of Mind to other people, and yet she's so miserable when people don't automatically KNOW where she's at

so... i think dirk would write that whole thing, which is esentially a static version of AR in that it's an encapsulation of him that is very much authentically him including the parts of himself he hates the most and never wants anyone else to see, but yet he puts it out into the world ANYWAYS because he can't bring himself to ACTUALLY hide any of himself no matter how much he wants to

and jane would 1000% read the whole thing, from the goofy violent doodly beginnings to the philosophically self-destructive metafictional cathartic end, and she would read it and absorb it and gain a clearer understanding of her friend's issues and what weighs on him, and she would definitely cry while reading it and feel deeply for her friend's situation... and she wouldn't say anything about it

she wouldnt reach out to him like HEY UH ARE YOU OKAY THIS BOOK IS KIND OF UHH CONCERNING, which is ABSOLUTELY what roxy and jake would do... and in my opinion, that's probably WHY dirk went through with it and gave it to her after all that waffling back and forth. because he can't handle honest confrontation about his mental state, but on one level or another, he WANTS to be understood

so like, i think thats why jane and dirk's relationship is so interesting to me. they Understand each other and find comfort in that passive understanding. i think it's also part of why they both went steadily downhill when they... well they never fought over jake, because again these two idiots are too avoidant to have a direct confrontation about it, but they certainly let that whole situation drive a wedge between them which resulted in both of them feeling even more isolated despite roxy's desperate efforts to hold the entire disaster gang together

man.... i just think about the alpha kids a lot........

[hazymultiverse]

What would La Squadra's daughters be like when their young adults I feel like all of them would have some very interesting daughters?

Me, five seconds after seeing this ask: okay haze,,,, you have a bunch of other requests that have been waiting,,, don’t write your weird genderbend alternate universe domestic au headcanons reskinned as their daughters. It was a fun daydream while it lasted but no one is gonna care about-

My hands, already typing: ROLLER DERBY!

Risotto Nero: Risottos daughter is still quiet as she gets older, but doesn’t take any shit. Knows plenty of self defense, and keeps a knife she got for one of her birthdays on her at all times. Probably plays bass and her only makeup experience is corpse paint and over the top eyeliner for going to underground metal shows. She begged her dad for a dog in her early teens, and it’s absolutely massive, but a huge sweetheart. Has a great relationship with her dad, even though they don’t know exactly how to talk to each other.

Formaggio: Oh this girl is something else. Cannot keep her mind or focus on one thing at any time, she’ll tell you seven different stories in the process of telling one, and she won’t even finish half of them. She’s a killer hair stylist, seeing as she’s learned to shave designs into her own head, and into her dads. Says pog unironically, and has a shit ton of pins and cute charms on her backpack. Her and dad are best buds, and they prank each other constantly.

Prosciutto: Pros’ daughter is the type of girl at school that you can’t tell whether she’s really cool, or outright terrifying. Her style is immaculate, her makeup is precise, she can run full speed in heels, and if she hears you talking shit she will end your fucking life. She’s really apathetic about most people though, and puts up cold fronts in front of her friends. But they’ve come to learn her specific brand of friendship and affection. She’s probably bailed half the other girls out of jail before. Her and Prosciutto have an... interesting relationship. It’s not bad per se, but they have some conflicting opinions, and they’re both rather stubborn about being ‘right’. Lord help you if they team up.

Pesci: she’s short, thick, and pure muscle, covered in bandaids half the time and roller skates daily. She’s on her local roller derby team! She doesn’t always know her own strength, and she’s absolutely solid, so her hugs can be a bit painful if she isn’t careful, but she’s real sweet. Missing a tooth from when she got dared to hold onto a friends car while in her skates, but she’s never really been self conscious about it. Her and her dad take fishing trips together, mostly catch and release though, she feels too bad to actually kill them.

Illuso: she’s either into a very specific, very refined style of dance, or serious martial arts. Either way, she probably has a bunch of medals because she’s better than you, and she wants you to know that. She has this look that makes you think she’s about to insult you at all times, and she probably is. Uses an odd mix of twitter slang and really old phrases like “groovy” and “copacetic”. Makes all her insults sound like compliments (wow, I wish I had your confidence to wear that in public) and probably has screenshots saved about you just waiting for the moment she can strike. Her and her dad are at each other’s throats a lot with typical teen drama, but every so often they bond with the ancient art of judging people together.

Melone: absolute prodigy child, and knows too much. Instead of using this ability to get into a prestigious school or graduate early or something, she’s decided to use it for more fun purposes. Queen of blackmail, people pay her to dox people online or create some of the most convincing deepfakes you’ll ever see. Melone did not openly encourage this, but also doesn’t discourage it either, he’s thrilled at some of the choices she’s made, and looks forward to seeing how she keeps going. Her and Mel don’t act like a parent and child, but they have a good relationship. Though, they almost seem to treat the other like an experiment sometimes.

Ghiaccio: From the start, Ghia was protective, and that may have caused a few issues, but they’ve surprisingly worked it out faster than most because they never stopped talking to each other. She did hockey and softball when she was younger, and some acrobatics classes. A real athlete even through college. At some point she taught herself sign language so she could keep yelling at people even when she was told to quiet down. Her and her dad get along pretty well, though it gets explosive when they don’t.

Sorbet and Gelato: Their kid seems to be their opposite at first, kind, soft, caring and a general ‘good girl.’ But if you stay in the same room as them long enough, you know better. She’s a demon in disguise, but no one would ever dare claim her to be at fault, because she seems so sweet! She couldn’t have possibly done anything! But you know better. She collects things in shoeboxes under her bed. You don’t want her to show it off, no one does. She has Gelatos laugh, but Sorbets smirk, a chilling combination. She doesn’t really talk to her parents in front of people, but they always exchange knowing looks.

[zirkkun-uthcs]

Generic Headcanons (Sanses)

This list includes short bits of information on the various Sanses to be included on this blog. If you’re looking for a specific one, please use CTRL+F to search for the AU, due to the length of this list. Reminder as well that most of this information is entirely headcanon. If there’s canon information that I’ve messed up somewhere on this, please let me know so I can fix it and adjust accordingly!

Please note: When answering asks, I will first list the character being requested in the format of AU!Sans, but the nicknames here are listed because sometimes I drift off while writing and lean towards those names.

Undertale

Nickname/s: Comic, Tale Date of Birth: ??? Height: 4′9″ / 145 cm Gender: demiboy Pronouns: he/him Sexuality: demiromantic / asexual

+ takes a lot of time to like someone at all, usually by default doesn’t trust people + isn’t a fan of physical contact, but if someone was to manage to get close to him, he’s incredibly cuddly + horrible with directions, will get lost really easily; uses shortcuts to make up for it

character tag

Underswap (original concept by p0pcornpr1nce, who has left the fandom and deleted the content)

Nickname/s: Blue Date of Birth: ??? Height: 4′9″ / 145 cm Gender: non-binary Pronouns: he/him Sexuality: demiromantic / bisexual

+ is a pun connoisseur; will only accept the best puns, anything less is just unacceptable + is emotional, but tries to hide it because he feels the need to keep on a strong persona for the sake of everyone else +  is secretly an incredibly talented writer and has a lot of written works in his room

character tag

Underfell (original concept by Vic the Underfella)

Nickname/s: Red, Fell Date of Birth: ??? Height: 4′9″ / 145 cm Gender: cisman Pronouns: he/him Sexuality: panromantic / pansexual

+ is extremely self-conscious and hides this by acting like as much of a confident asshole as possible + crushes incredibly easy due to the lack of caring people he has in his life, but refuses to believe he’s lovable + secretly hates cats. doomfanger may or may not be the cause of this

character tag

Underlust  (original concept by nsfwshamecave, who has left the fandom.)

Nickname/s: Lust, Lusty Date of Birth: ??? Height: 4′9″ / 145 cm Gender: demiboy Pronouns: he/him Sexuality: biromantic / bisexual

+ is secretly a hopeless romantic, but has yet to meet anyone interested in romance over sex, so he takes what he can get + flirts with anything that breathes; has a plethora of horrible pick-up lines + has been outside of his own AU and is well-versed in the multiverse

character tag

Xtale (by jakei)

Nickname/s: Cross Date of Birth: Oct. 10th Height: 4′9″ / 145 cm Gender: cisman Pronouns: he/him Sexuality: demiromantic / bisexual

+ has difficulty trusting anyone anymore due to the betrayal he’s had in the past + he finds comfort in doodling or other art-related things, and can often be found locked away for hours doing so + will wear literally anything but his uniform when no one’s around, no matter how stupid it looks

character tag

Ink (by myebi/comyet) (same headcanons apply to Underverse!Ink)

Nickname/s: None Date of Birth: April 15 Height: 3′9″ / 116 cm Gender: demiboy Pronouns: he/him Sexuality: aromantic / asexual

+ his ink vials’ colors represent: green = comfort/safety, yellow = joy/energy, orange = encouragement/creativity, red = wrath/violence, pink = love/care, purple = lust/attraction, blue = sadness/concern, cyan = calm/relaxed + refuses to ever drink his pink or purple vials anymore due to the fact he doesn’t want to mislead people into thinking he cares about them + his tastes change based on what emotions he’s feeling/ink he’s drank

character tag underverse-specific

Pale (by unu-nunu-art/unu-nunium)

Nickname/s: None Date of Birth: May 26th Height: 3′9″ / 116 cm Gender: cisman Pronouns: he/him Sexuality: aromantic / asexual

+ clings to people who help him literally only once, because he considers all nice gestures as “Oh, so we’re friends now?” + appreciates any and all physical contact and can get a bit nervous if he’s near someone but can’t hug them + when he absorbs an AU for emotions, he has even more emotions that Ink does, but it’s far more temporary

character tag

Fresh!Ink (by myebi/comyet)

Nickname/s: None Date of Birth: ??? Height: 5′0″ / 152 cm Gender: cisman Pronouns: he/him Sexuality: aromantic / asexual

+ is a parasite like Fresh is, but isn’t the same exact one; they exist as separate beings + doesn’t ever really drink ink vials, hence why he’s replaced them with his spray cans entirely, which just contain normal pain + enjoys making large street-art style murals, but never keeps them, so he places them in hugely inconvenient parts of the multiverse just to annoy people

character tag

Error (by loverofpiggies/CrayonQueen) (same headcanons apply to Underverse!Error)

Nickname/s: None Date of Birth: April 4th Height: 5′4″ / 163 cm Gender: cisman Pronouns: he/him Sexuality: demiromantic / demisexual

+ doesn’t trust anyone and would rather just dispose of someone before he gets the chance to even try and trust them + has tried to delete his own emotions on several occasions, but concludes he must lose his SOUL to do so, and is too scared he’ll die + lacks logic due to the fact that he’s a glitch in a program, meaning he can no longer create logical conclusions

character tag underverse-specific

Template (by unu-nunu-art/unu-nunium)

Nickname/s: None Date of Birth: April 3rd Height: 4′5″ / 135 cm Gender: cisman Pronouns: he/him Sexuality: demiromantic / demisexual

+ constantly does a plethora of redeemable, good things within the multiverse to compensate for the fact he’s an “Error” + tries to be more comfortable with things like hugs in order to further distance himself from Error, despite also having haphephobia. + unlike Error, remembers his past as Geno a lot more vividly

character tag

Ragnartale (by NaomyMikolMaria) (please note I’m a bit behind on this AU)

Nickname/s: Knight Date of Birth: ??? Height: 5′5″ / 165 cm Gender: cisman Pronouns: he/him Sexuality: heteroromantic / demisexual

+ doesn’t like using his magic anymore, but can’t exactly remember why it leaves a bad taste in his mouth + actively tries to void out his emotions for others’ sake, as he finds his own life far less valuable + part of him likes being a monster more than a human, because he thinks he looks horrible now and that more people will leave him alone

character tag

Dusttale (by ask-dusttale)

Nickname/s: Dust, Dusty Date of Birth: ??? Height: 4′9″ / 145 cm Gender: demiboy Pronouns: he/him Sexuality: lithromantic / asexual

+ absolutely despises all humans and it wouldn’t be surprising if he tried to kill any on sight + can often be seen talking aloud to “himself,” but he’s actually talking to “Papyrus” + has the same observant skills as Sans and is just as quick on his feet if not faster, however he’s also more rash in his decision-making due to his insanity.

character tag

Fresh (by loverofpiggies/CrayonQueen)

Nickname/s: None Date of Birth: April 20th (pretends it’s April 1st) Height: 6′3″ / 191 cm Gender: genderfluid Pronouns: he/him or they/them Sexuality: aromantic / asexual

+ while he be default doesn’t have any emotions, if for some reason he starts to feel anything, he will reject it immediately, and become incredibly harsh + started dressing in 90′s clothes as a joke, now he enjoys them unironically and has genuinely started watching human 90′s shows + sends memes to Error just to piss him off; his favorite to send is Rick Rolls

character tag

Outertale (by 2mi127)

Nickname/s: Outer Date of Birth: ??? Height: 4′9″ / 145 cm Gender: demiboy Pronouns: he/him Sexuality: demiromantic / asexual

+ because he can see the stars all the time, he’s far more fascinated by the Earth’s sun and atmosphere compared to other Sanses + has had his jacket since he was a kid but just didn’t bother getting rid of it. that and he never outgrew it. sometimes people still think he’s a kid because of it + gets cold easily; his jacket is extremely thick and fuzzy to make up for this

character tag

Altertale (by friisans)

Nickname/s: Guardian Date of Birth: ??? Height: 4′9″ / 145 cm Gender: demiboy Pronouns: he/him Sexuality: biromantic / demisexual

+ despises his brother so much that he won’t even look in his general direction and will likely burn or destroy anything that reminds him of his brother + appears very calm and collected most of the time, but can easily turn around and be manipulative or angry when least expected + is horrible at keeping watch of the human children because he always teaches them how to exploit things and they use that against him

character tag

Aftertale (by loverofpiggies/CrayonQueen)

Nickname/s: Geno Date of Birth: ??? Height: 5′0″ / 152 cm Gender: demiboy Pronouns: he/him Sexuality: demiromantic / demisexual

+ is really bad at social interaction due to extended isolation and because of that may come off as blunt or rude + if anyone acts friendly around him, especially if they are a more physical kind of person, he will instantly not trust them + seeing spaghetti is a sure way to make him burst into tears, but he’ll pretend he’s not actually crying

character tag

Swapfell (by poptatochisp and community)

Nickname/s: Mal Date of Birth: ??? Height: 5′3″ / 160 cm Gender: cisman Pronouns: he/him Sexuality: panromantic / demisexual

+ doesn’t do well with people who disagree with him. this will cause genuine unintended arguments over the smallest things + very formal in most situations possible, but assumes everyone else should be too + is bad at emotions, just, in general. understanding them, having them, everything

character tag

[dungeons-and-dragon-age]

newest rounds of ask games: ☺ ❀ & ♬ (we're bein soft today) and for anyone you want have fun! <3

Aa thanks for the ask, all of these are lovely and soft~ Unironically love how three people all asked the flower crown one haha <3

Imma do the smiles one for the three I haven't done yet, and the singing one for everyone! >:3

☺ : What is your muse’s smile like? Do they smile often?

Neira has a modest and polite, but sweet smile that has a sort of innocence to it. She does smile often but it's always kind of subtle and reserved. It's also a lot easier to read than she herself realises.

In public Lilian will occasionally put on a jeering or sarcastic smile, but genuine smiles are reserved for people she cares about and are a lot warmer an more frequent than one might expect.

Arari can effortlessly put on a very convincing practiced polite smile, but ironically a genuine smile will more often than not look somewhat awkward or uncanny, which is exactly why he is kind of self-conscious about it.

(rest under the cut)

♬ : Does your muse sing well? Regardless of whether they sing well or not, do they enjoy singing?

Neira doesn't really sing, but she probably wouldn't sounds half bad if she actually tried it and got in some practice (she'd have a delicate but clear soprano I think). It's just never really been.. her thing, and when encouraged to sing she will get shy about it and politely refuse, insisting that she would much rather enjoy listening to everyone else singing.

Kala enjoys singing, but she doesn't do it unless she is in a setting in which she is completely comfortable and relaxed, which isn't often. She's a high mezzo probably? Though she doesn't always stay on key (or rhythm) and her voice tends to be rough her singing is hearty and enthusiastic, which makes it kind of charming in its own way.

Liam isn't an avid singer per se and will get flustered when someone points out or pays attention to him singing, but he may sing along with his friends on the road or during a fun game night. He also often subconsciously hums little tunes while focused on some task. Liam isn't a spectacular singer by any means but he's decent enough, and I imagine he has a rather pleasant, rich baritone singing voice (the potential of which he never uses sadly, he could sound pretty amazing if he tried).

Lilian can and will sing from the top of her voice once tipsy enough or when feeling especially high-spirited, but oh boy she is not meant for singing. She's a mezzo probably but that doesn't mean much, because chances are the only vocal qualities you will notice are "loud", "penetrating" and "horribly off tune", though she . To everyone's despair that does not stop her from shouting singing along tavern songs or sea shanties though.

However she does have a surprisingly remarkable sense of rhythm. Not that that makes her singing any better, but it's there.

June is a surprisingly good singer, and she enjoys it, too. She'll hum to herself while doing mundane tasks and isn't shy about singing out loud either, and when she's in a good mood and with company she enjoys she will gladly belt out anything from a peppy tavern song to a ballad with gusto.Technically she isn't too worried about sounding good, just about the fun and energy of it, sometimes singing bad on purpose for shits and giggles, but I imagine she would have had some vocal training as a noble which definitely comes through. June's an alto or low mezzo with a decent range and while a bit husky maybe, her voice is pretty smooth and resonant otherwise.

Also, once she finds out about Cullen having a lovely singing voice as well and gets him to be less shy about it they will sometimes have casual, fun little duets, though Marshal and her puppies are the only ones who ever get to hear how epic they sound together.

Ari has a rumbling bass (though I imagine he could go surprisingly high in falsetto), and while he isn't the most talented singer his voice is incredibly soothing to listen to. He doesn't sing often and when he does it is usually to himself when he thinks nobody is listening. He's also sung to distressed children on several occasions because they seem to calm down from it, a discovery that surprised him but made him rather happy.

[bornadreamer]

My watch dogs 2 headcanons

Sitara:

 Aro/Ace (not just because she wears the flag colors lol)

Dedsec is a big queerplatonic relationship for her. She loves all the guys so much and would kill for them, but as soon as someone mentions her fucking one she kinda just *vomit emoji*

Hyper protective of kids. After the mission with her niece she dedicates at least 10 hours a week to developing software to protect kids on the internet/root out pedos

Hardcore listens to nature noises while she paints/sketches

Fantastic at calling people out on their bullshit. She does NOT let the guys get away with anything demeaning/sexist, even by accident. To their credit, they always apologize and try to do better

Loves weird/facey tea flavors. One time she brought back a bbq boba tea and everyone else gagged. 

Knows everyone’s triggers and actively purges them from Dedsec feeds before the others can see

Crazy wine aunt vibes. Will care for you when sick, but will roast you for how you acted like a baby after.

When she gets panic attacks, she needs weighted blankets. Like, enough to break a few ribs. Wrench sat on her once. It actually helped. 

Loves She-ra. Hacked the studio to watch the eps being made and yelled at the screen like a banshee the whole time. The boys were very afraid.

Horatio:

Actual only straight person in the group. The butt of so, so many jokes.

He, like Marcus, LOVES fashion. While he can’t wear what he wants all the time due to his undercover persona, he buys fashion mags like nobody’s business. Can name his ten favorite designers off the top of his head. 

A little bit very OCD, though you can’t tell by looking at him. Ratio is very anal about what goes where. Everyone knows not to go near his station in the hackerspace. 

One time Wrench knocked over his desk (nearly destroying his rig) and Ratio’s stuff went flying. Wrench almost had a guilt meltdown. Luckily, Sitara had a picture and they managed to put everything back almost exactly. Almost.

Stress cleans. When his undercover stuff is really getting to him, he’ll kick everyone out of the hackerspace and just. Clean. For hours. When they’re allowed back in you could eat off the floor.

Since he can’t be around all the time, he gets little gifts for everyone and leaves them at their stations to show that he’s thinking about them.

Wrench:

We been knew that the boy is suicidal, but he’s manic-depressive bipolar as well (also not shocking)

ADHD

Self medicated with every kind of drug out there.

Marcus and Josh eventually beat him down enough to take Meds That Are Actually Helpful. Sitara mediates. It was A Process. 

All of his fingers are broken from one thing or another, it made him really self conscious when he Marcus and Josh started dating. He didn’t like holding hands because he felt his were ugly. 

Texts solely through emojis like fucking hieroglyphs. Half the time nobody knows what he’s saying. He has no intention to stop. It drives everyone nuts.

Likes to be the middle spoon, with Marcus as the big and Josh as the little

DO NOT let him consume more than three cups of coffee. He will not sleep for days. 

The first few weeks of sleeping with Josh and Marcus he doesn’t take his mask off. He’s terrified. Finally, they manage to get im comfortable enough to do so and his boyfriends have a great time kissing every inch of his face. He laugh-cried from relief. 

He and Marcus have terrible hacker movie night. They watch cheesy hacker moves and laugh at how bad everything is.

Squishy toys help relax him when he’s having a bad manic episode or an anxiety attack.

Josh:

Also hardcore ADHD

Somewhere on the autism spectrum as well. 

Marcus’s first gift to him as his boyfriend was a chewy necklace, since he needs his hands to hack. It actually helped more than he thought it would.

Most of the time he totally forgets he has it, though

Unironically enjoys black and white television. He’ll have I Love Lucy running for audio while he’s working. Sometimes he even turns on the blind narration.

Horatio and Marcus switch off on making him blind narration eps. They have a ball with it.

Lists. Lists. Lists. This boy has a timed checklist for almost every day. His phone will ping and won’t stop until he Does The Thing. When he’s really in the zone and doesn’t hear it everyone at Dedsec kind of wants to kill him.

Sometimes Marcus and Wrench need to tag team who coaxes him into the shower and who does his laundry while he’s distracted because this boy is a fucking disaster. They both fucking hate his green hoodie. 

Must Hack. There is nothing else But The Hack.

Will crack if you say enough bad puns. It’s really the only humor he can get behind

When he does his happy stim (flappy hands) everyone at Dedsec just does from cuteness overload

Loves slow, lazy kissing in the morning or right before bed. It’s the only time his brain slows down enough to really enjoy it before he goes into work mode

Marcus:

He and Ratio have the deepest discussions about fashion. They both lose their minds at John Boyega and Orville Peck

Marcus loves to shop! He drags Wrench and Josh with him for opinions, though neither of them really care they love how happy it makes him. Sitara is his real shopping companion, she Knows what looks good on him.

He’s the only neurotypical person in Dedsec. Boy was THAT and adjustment. Marus spent months after he joined reading up on everyone’s conditions and how to best help. He feels like a pro now, but is eager to learn. He stayed updated on all medical research. 

Marcus works with Sitara to prepare little emergency ‘fit-kits’ as they call them, for everyone. He can pull them out when someone’s having an episode and help them through it.

It can be a struggle to make sure both his boyfriends are on their meds and keeping themselves healthy, but he’s happy to do it. Marcus can take almost anything life throws at him

Organizes hack offs within the group just to show off, basically. The only one who has beaten him so far is Josh.

Josh isn’t into clubbing, so Marcus and Wrench party hard. When they come home they binge one of Josh’s old shows until all three fall asleep on the couch. 

Tasers pedos and rapists on sight, unless he’s on mission.

He goes back for them after

Terrified of motorcycles but loves weird cars.

He’s jewish and keeps a menorah at the hackerspace. Everyone loves to help him celebrate. 

[bbq-hawks-wings]

Who are your fave characters in bnha (aside from hawks) and your least liked. In a "i dont like this one as a character or/and as a person" kind of way or even they're just meh to you.

This is a good and surprisingly complicated question! I'll try to give at least three from each category with my reasoning as I like most of the characters for one reason or other but marking down favorites and least favorites is not as straightforward as I first thought.

I love that most of Horikoshi's characters are either loveable, likeable, enjoyable to hate, or leave a benevolently indifferent impression. There's not really many characters that get on my nerves for just existing.

Except Mineta. He can die in a ditch. But that's too easy for our purposes he doesn't count. This time...

Mina is a character I just really am drawn to every time she shows up. She's described as a people person, and as a cautious introvert who often feels the need to put on appearances to make friends in a "you do not have a high enough friendship level to unlock my tragic backstory" kind of way, I feel like if she were a person I could just relax and enjoy myself around her. She isn't dismissive of people's real fears or insecurities and prefers to let herself be the best she is right now in all of her dumbass glory. I really, really love her even if I don't give her a lot of love often.

Iida is another character I gravitate towards despite not showcasing him often. I'm just always happy to see him and his dorky, admirable self. It's like you could look up "square" in the dictionary and his picture would apply to basically all possible definitions, but it's a good thing. He's conscious and proactive even if he seems overbearing, and it's just his way of protecting his family and friends' security and happiness. It makes me feel like I would be safe and cared for in his presence, you know? Bonus points for his wholesome adoration of his big brother (who is also a majorly underappreciated background character, imo), and I can't help but headcanon him as autistic. I literally can't not see it every time he shows up at this point.

Gotta give the last spot to Fatgum. Another detail about Horikoshi's character writing I adore is that the "obvious" thing about a character usually does not end up taking up the bulk of their characterization or is usually never focused on for too long. They have lives and identities outside of one or two traits. Being huge and fat like Fatgum in a Japanese society that usually runs smaller and thinner than the rest of the world (and that is never canonically shied away from) would usually be focus of his entire character in most other series. Here, it's just a blip on his entire sheet - an important one to be sure, but it's just been embraced as a part of who he is from so far back it's beyond old news for him. Confidence, focus, determination, and enabling others' personal growth is where it's at as far as he's concerned, and I am here for it! He's just so set and comfortable in his skin that he's got more than enough to give others a boost if he can offer it.

Horikoshi has a lot of empathetic characters that feel more like people than tropes (especially in the world of anime overrun with cookie cutter personalities to fill flashy but otherwise empty character designs), so there aren't many characters I just genuinely don't like or care for. That said, there has been a pattern I've been noticing, and wouldn't you know it happens to correlate with traits I don't like in real people, either.

I cannot stand people who can never admit they can be wrong. I mean those people that might say how everyone in their family or all their last group of friends hate them/left them or how their ex was crazy and when you ask if maybe they had any idea why they go, "OMG, I don't know! 😭😭😭 I just can't seem to find anyone who will love me for who I am, warts and all. 😇😇😇"

Sure, Jan.

So about the villains! To be fair, not even close to all the villains fit this bill. Most of them I either unironically love (like Rappa and Gentle Criminal) or love to hate (Dabi and Shigaraki). It just so happens that no "hero" character happens to grate or push my buttons in a way that leaves me either negatively ambivalent towards them or outright hating them. (Save one...)

Toga. Get your pitchforks, folks! BBQ is on the menu! I actually don't hate her or even dislike her. She's just not a character I can have sympathy for for very long. In a situation I couldn't just walk away from and hope to never see her again, she'd get some stern words a la Ochako a long time ago. Especially at her age I get where she's coming from and how she feels, but while asking people to just conform without question under threat of punishment is not inherently good, it's not unreasonable in her case and it's troubling she seemed to one day snap and decide she was being unduly repressed and killed someone when she looked like she otherwise had a normal life. I completely give her some grace for clearly having an "pretend it isn't there and it'll go away" kind of help, but she's capable (at least now) of realizing why people are repulsed by her behavior and that it's not unfounded. She needs much better help than what she got and certainly more than what the League offers.

I have similar problems with Spinner. He has a reasonable-enough justification for wanting to lash out at broader society, but he largely refused to help himself before the League of Villains and he'll always be working with a handicap in my book thanks to that. If he was living with parents and couldn't escape to a larger city with more inclusive attitudes towards heteromorphs I could understand, but it looked like he lived alone and either managed to finance his lifestyle or supplemented with government aid anyway, so points lost there as well. He relies on others to give him meaning, first Stain and then Shigaraki; and even then only acts on it because they give him permission to act out his aggressions in an environment that doesn't hold him accountable for it or ask him to do something constructive to change it. That came out harsher than I intended, but I really am not able to give him much room either way in this case.

Monoma. Ah, yes. The Exception™. Sorry, buddy. It's not like I don't get it. You've got a lot more in common with Bakugo than you probably like, but your brand of inferiority complex is just... Unhinged? Grossly inappropriate and misplaced? My dude, you gotta stop trying to knock others down to make yourself feel better by comparison, you can and will destroy your life doing that. I get that having a quirk that requires you to play second-fiddle is infuriating, but that's where you really need to leverage your individuality and be certain what defines your character in a vacuum. At that point you can find a way to leverage other's quirks in ways even they can't because of the sole fact that they aren't you. I know easier said than done, but I am rooting for you, buddy!

That was fun! Thanks for the ask! It's interesting to break down my gut feelings about the characters like this. I enjoyed it a lot!

[artificialqueens]

Girls Interrupted, Chapter 2: She Wants To Dance Like Uma Thurman, But She Can’t (Vatya) 2/2 - Maeve

A/N: Hi, it’s Maeve here, and holy fuck this is long! Sorry for the wait, everyone, it’s been a real time. I’ll admit that I spent a lot of time collecting firsthand accounts of real teen parties because homegirl has never been to one of the cool kid ones. I feel no personal shame! I hope you all enjoy it. I’m a one woman show over here, but I’ve tried to be as accurate as possible with the characterization of the queens. There are some parts of this chapter that might be a little confusing, but that’s because the story is told through Katya’s eyes and she doesn’t always have all of the information. She will soon, though! As always, constructive criticism (really feedback of any kind) is welcome. If there’s interest, I’ll drop my sideblog one of these days. Here’s some petty teenage bullshit to take your mind off of the outside world.

What do normal people wear? What’s ‘in’ with the youths? Katya furrowed her brow. She grew out of following trends in middle school. The clothes weren’t her, and they didn’t magically assimilate her into a friend group either. So Katya was no manic pixie dream girl, more of a manic sexy carny And that was okay…most of the time. There would be a wide variety of teens at the party—Alaska ran in many different circles—but all of them had eyes, and Katya wasn’t about to make Alaska question her judgement over unironically worn Hawaiian print. She’d have to pass for artistically different. Dresses were risky, so Katya opted for a pair of skintight black denim shorts and a well-worn Warner Brothers Studios shirt. A good french tuck and a statement jacket were just enough to polish off her shabby-chic ensemble. It would have to be good enough.

Katya’s freshly washed hair had dried in loose waves that framed her face beautifully. Two things she refused to guilt herself into were shaving her legs and putting on makeup, and she wore her bangs down to hide the hairline she was so self-conscious about. It wasn’t like she was trying to impress anyone. Katya had given up on that a long, long time ago. She glanced at the clock. It was only a few minutes past 6:00. Living in a constant state of perpetual anxiety was a real bitch.

Katya sighed, Wheel of Fortune and Diet Coke it is. Her parents were at the neighborhood’s annual Back to School Barbecue, so she had the entire house to herself. She hoped there would be a familiar face or two—or at the very least caffeine—at Alaska’s house.

Katya could hear the music coming from the inside of Alaska’s house through her massive front door. It was a hot and humid evening, yet Katya chose to linger in the yard. She wasn’t the first one there, and she wouldn’t be the last one, either; there was just something about crossing the solid oak barrier that made her presence…pressing. Awkward, even.

Alaska wouldn’t have invited you if she didn’t want you to be here, Katya reminded herself. She knew this was true—Alaska Honard was an absolute sweetheart—but her paranoia got the best of her. She pulled out her phone and sent a message to ‘Bianca del Realest’:

I’m outside. Walk me in? I don’t wanna know if pigs’ blood comes out of denim.

Her phone vibrated seconds later with a response from Bianca:

Pussy.

Soon, the door opened, revealing a smug Bianca del Rio. Katya grinned, “Yes, I do have a pussy, mama, and I’m serving fish all night.”

Bianca howled, “I don’t put things in me if I don’t know where they’ve been, and you’re a filthy whore.”

“You rotted cunt! That was a rash, not a herpes sore!” Katya protested.

“Just get your ass in here, Zamo, before the neighbors call the police to report a solicitor on the premises,” Bianca stepped aside so Katya could enter.

The first thing she saw was an ornately framed oil painting of Alaska and her family. It had to be at least her height. “Holy mother of pearl…” Katya gaped.

“Mother of Alaska, actually. Father and sister, too,” Bianca corrected. Katya gave her a shove. “What? I do this out of love, honey.” The blonde rolled her eyes. “Come on, there’s someone I want you to meet,” Bianca grabbed hold of Katya’s arm and steered her towards the kitchen.

Alaska’s kitchen—which was a literal gourmet kitchen—was relatively empty save for an entire island of snacks and several coolers with drinks. She could still feel the thrum of the bass in her teeth, but the walls muffled the music’s full volume. What Katya found most shocking was actually who was in the kitchen. Trixie Mattel was leaning against the sink in a pair of light wash jeans and a flowing pink top.

Wow, Katya’s eyes went wide. She was in the same room as Trixie Mattel, about to be introduced by their apparently mutual friend, and she desperately needed to be able to pull herself together.

“Oh, honey, send in the clowns!” Trixie exclaimed, noticing Bianca’s return.

“I prefer to be called an erotic clown,” Bianca shot back. Katya snorted. “This is the creature I was telling you about.” Bianca gave Katya a small shove forward.

“Hi, I’m the chemical burn from the spiral perm, Trixie Mattel,” Trixie introduced herself extending a well-manicured hand. “I sit across from you in English, but we’ve never really talked.”

“Yekaterina Petrovna Zamolodchikova. But your dad just calls me Katya,” Katya winked and took Trixie’s hand, gently kissing her knuckles. Inside her head, Katya was screaming, Fuuuuuuuck. However, Trixie’s smile only grew. The life-sized Barbie doubled over with laughter.

Trixie turned to Bianca, “I’ll keep her!” Katya scrunched up her nose. She didn’t realize she was for sale.

“Just make sure to walk her often. She’s not house trained,” Bianca warned.

Katya wasn’t given the chance to retort because the door that connected the main room to the backyard flew open, and all three girls reached to cover their ears as Travis Scott’s voice grew three times as loud. An out-of-breath Jinkx Monsoon stood in the doorway, and her mouth began to move.

“What?” Bianca shouted over Sicko Mode.

Jinkx came further into the kitchen and screamed, “I said the hotshots just pulled up! If you don’t wanna get trampled, we should probab—”

“Bottoms up, bitches!” Willam shouted from somewhere in the hall. A cacophony of voices seemed to flood the space all at once, and then the kitchen was swarmed with all of the juniors on the cheer squad and football team. Hands and bodies were everywhere. Katya, standing at 5’1”, was swept away in the sea of future frat boys. Thankfully, the kitchen was only a stop on their route, and once the kitchen had been successfully raided, the four girls could get their bearings.

Jinkx straightened her dress. “Leave. I was going to say leave,” she finished her earlier thought and slumped against the kitchen island. “The real party’s out back. Now with added kegs.”

“Now, this I gotta see,” Bianca chuckled, “You in?” Katya shrugged and followed Bianca and Trixie past the horndogs sucking face in the living room and into Alaska’s massive backyard. She didn’t know what she’d gotten herself into, and she didn’t see it getting any better.

The glass doors let out onto a patio with a cabana and firepit. Stone steps led down to yet another seating area and a resort-style pool filled with floats, fountaints, and colored lights. There must’ve been at least a hundred people outside. She’d never seen so much illicit activity in one place. What was the word? Collusion? Collusion. Collusion vibes but not in a good way, Mama. We’re all going to hell, Katya swallowed thickly. The blonde was overwhelmed by the sweaty bodies, loud music, and flashing lights. Was this what a rave was like? The kegs by the pool were a happening place, and she planned to avoid them as much as possible.

When she looked to her right, she noticed Bianca had slipped away unnoticed, leaving her completely and utterly alone with one Trixie Mattel. Fuck. Again.

“Come get a drink with me!” Trixie insisted. She might not have been entirely comfortable alone with her crush, but tagging along was a significantly better option than hiding in a corner. The two pushed their way towards the booze. Trixie filled a red solo cup for Katya before grabbing one for herself and maneuvering them over to the poolside loveseat.

Katya’s drink felt awkward clutched in her hands. She knew that most highschoolers had experience with alcohol, but it was different watching her peers getting trashed. What’s the point? Katya wondered.

“That’s gonna get warm, you know?” Trixie snapped Katya out of her thoughts.

Katya gave her a sheepish smile, “I don’t really drink. Like at all. I just took it so you didn’t think I was lame.”

“Oh, honey,” Trixie began softly, “I would never judge you for something like that. Here, let me take that.” She made a grab for Katya’s cup, but Katya pulled it away.

“One sec!” Katya stuck two fingers of her free hand right into her beer and pulled them out. She saw the confusion on Trixie’s face and gave her a mischievous look. Katya took her beer fingers and wiped the alcohol across the pulse points on her neck. Playing it safe, she repeated the action until all the places she’d usual spray with perfume were sticky with beer. She was sure she smelled like a distillery. Perfect. Once again, Trixie made a grab for the cub, but another hand beat her to it. Alaska Honard in all her glory snatched it from Katya and drained its contents.

“Thanksss, Kati,” Alaska slurred. “Jus’ needed a lil’ liquid courage before I go on.” She swooped down to give Katya a sloppy kiss on the cheek. Alaska was sloshed. Her makeup was smudged she was swaying on her feet, and she smelled worse than Katya, who had just taken a bath in her beer.

“Go on what, Alaska?” Needless to say, Katya was a bit concerned. Because the two had done most of the work for their partner scene the previous class, Alaska and Katya were able to spend the day’s 3rd period chatting away. The demure girl from earlier was nowhere to be found. She was beginning to wonder if her friend had even processed her question when Alaska finally responded.

“‘M gonna be a star, Kati,” Alaska giggled. “Britney, bitch!” She then proceeded to fist up the fabric at the bottom of her dress and try to pull her black bodycon sequin gown up and over her body. Katya could only watch as she writhed around and made pitiful whining noises in her attempt to undress. “Off!” Alaska pouted, giving Katya her best puppy dog eyes.

Katya shared a look with Trixie before standing up and carefully spinning the blonde around. Her small hands were perfect for pulling down tiny zippers, and the dress slid down Alaska’s lithe body and pooled at her feet. Katya’s throat went dry.

Underneath her dress, Alaska wore a lacy, black strapless bra and a matching set of panties. Katya could not handle it. She didn’t mean to stare, but she couldn’t bring herself to look away. Soft, pale, flawless, Katya took in the beauty in front of her. Talk about body-ody-ody. Alaska was toned with the supple legs of a dancer—unfortunately, she lacked a dancer’s poise. Katya’s aneurism was cut short when the cheerleader stumbled trying to get out of the offending garment.

“Geez, Alaska,” Katya exclaimed, “Would you be more careful?”

“I may not be graceful…” Alaska trailed off, beginning to sway on her feet.

“I need my Lasky!” Detox shouted from the edge of the pool. Alaska visibly perked at her nickname and gave Katya a sloppy goodbye kiss on the cheek before teetering off towards Detox and Roy.

What the fuck? Katya raised her eyebrows. She turned to Trixie in search of an answer as to what just happened, but all the blonde had to offer was a shrug. Katya looked back to Rolaskatox and noticed a few pertinent details she’d missed in her first glance: Roxy and Detox were also in their skivvies, three chairs were now in a row on the bridge that separated the two halves of the pool, and the music had stopped.

Katya tried to do the math in her head: liquid courage + 3 scantily clad girls x 1 chair - Kendrick Lamar = ???? She had to be missing something. “‘I’m gonna be a star,’” Alaska had said…Fame = liquid courage + 3 scantily clad girls x 1 chair - Kendrick Lamar. Katya’s brows knit together. Some kind of performance? And then it hit her. “‘Britney, bitch,’”…They’re performing a Britney Spears number practically naked. Obviously the ideal way to spend a Friday night. Katya could think of no other explanation for the weird happenings of the last few minutes, but the answer she’d arrived at wasn’t any less of an acid trip.

The three girls took their places behind the chairs, and Roxy, who had at some point manifested a microphone, gave pearl a thumbs up.

“Where my party people at?” Roxy shouted into the microphone. Praise Putin for Pearl because the feedback on the mic might have made their ears bleed. The crowd around the pool hooted and hollered. Yuck, Katya gagged on the high school movie realness. “We’ve got a special treat for you tonight! Our little Lasky here,” Roxy pushed Alaska forward, “Didn’t think that she was going to make the varsity cheer team.” Alaska flushed at her friends divulgence and squirmed in her grip. Naturally, Roxy paid no attention to her friend’s discomfort, “So Toxy and I, we made a bet: if Lasky didn’t make varsity we’d have a Golden Girls marathon, but if she did…she’d have to show off her sweet moves at the Back-to-School Bash!”

“Hit it, Pearl!” Detox shouted. Roxy tossed the microphone to someone near the end of the walk, and the three girls took their places by their chairs. Alaska was clearly less thrilled about the performance than she was when she had been talking to Katya minutes ago. Liquid courage? No dice. The instrumental intro into Britney Spears’ “Toxic” began to play from the outdoor speakers, and Alaska’s gyrated her hips mechanically to the beat.

Baby, can’t you see

I’m calling

A guy like you should wear a warning

It’s dangerous, I’m falling

Katya was dumbfounded. Mouth agape, she wondered, Does this shit happen at all high school parties? Mother, I swear I’m sober. She hadn’t had anything to drink, so she couldn’t have been drugged or anything crazy like that. This was, in fact, happening. And Katya had thought she was fucking mental. A glance to her side told her that she wasn’t the only one questioning her sanity; Trixie’s eyes were bulging out of their sockets.

There’s no escape

I can’t wait

I need a hit, Baby, give me it

You’re dangerous, I’m lovin’ it

Dangerous. There was something sinister about the atmospheric red that bathed the trio and spilled into the audience. Her hands began to tremble. Brenda, not now, she willed herself to calm down.

Too high

Can’t come down

Losin’ my head, spinnin’ ‘round and 'round

Do you feel me now?

It wasn’t just her shaking, though. Alaska’s body was vibrating with tension—not ‘loving it’. Her sisters in scandal moved a lot smoother than she did, and she was concentrating hard on keeping herself from falling off of her chair. How much “‘liquid courage’” did this bitch have? The trio had gotten up on their chairs at the beginning of the chorus and were doing what looked like Christina Aguilera choreography circa Genie in a Bottle. Katya wouldn’t be surprised if Rotox had actually gotten the wrong blonde when choreographing. Katya frowned, Alaska, please don’t crack your head open.

With a taste of your lips I’m on a ride

You’re toxic I’m slippin’ under

With a taste of a poison paradise

I’m addicted to you

Don’t you know that you’re toxic?

And I love what you do

Don’t you know that you’re toxic?

She regained her breath when the chair acrobatics were finally over. The dance routine had evolved into what could probably qualify as softcore porn. Roxy, Alaska, and Detox were writhing on the platform in an obscene manner. Katya thought they looked like cats in heat. Alcoholic cats in heat. Which was actually quite a shame because real alcoholic cats in heat were something that Katya would totally like to see.

It’s getting late to give you up

I took a sip from my devil’s cup

Slowly, it’s taking over me

Too high, can’t come down

It’s in the air and it’s all around

Can you feel me now?

Britney Spears you are a cruel bitch, Katya chewed her lower lip. She was trying her hardest not to feel anything.

With a taste of your lips, I’m on a ride

You’re toxic, I’m slippin’ under

With a taste of a poison paradise

I’m addicted to you

Don’t you know that you’re toxic?

And I love what you do

Don’t you know that you’re toxic?

Don’t you know that you’re toxic?

If she weren’t so put off by the course the night had taken and concerned for her friend, she might have been more than a little turned on. There was no denying that Alaska was attractive—even as she flopped about like a fish on a marble platter—but her mother raised her right. We do not objectify women, and we definitely do not allow others to take advantage of inebriated ones.

Taste of your lips, I’m on a ride

You’re toxic, I’m slippin’ under

With a taste of a poison paradise

I’m addicted to you

Don’t you know that you’re toxic?

With a taste of your lips, I’m on a ride

You’re toxic, I’m slippin’ under

With a taste of a poison paradise

I’m addicted to you

Don’t you know that you’re toxic?

Katya had to admit she was impressed. There really was no better way to draw attention to yourself than repeatedly slamming your pussy into the makeshift stage. It certainly seemed to be working now; she might just have to try it sometime.

Intoxicate me now

With your lovin’ now

I think I’m ready now

I think I’m ready now

Intoxicate me now

With your lovin’ now

I think I’m ready now

Roxy, Alaska, and Detox all struck their final poses. Katya could see their chests heaving wildly as they held for the raucous applause of the party guests standing poolside. It was certainly strange, but she couldn’t knock their performance. Kids would be kids, right? She was about to chalk it all up to a bit of harmless fun, after all, when tweedle dumb and tweedle dumber broke formation and pushed Alaska straight off of the platform. Suddenly, the tall blonde was in the water, limbs thrashing about in response to the sudden change in environment.

“Pool party!” Willam shouted, stripping off her own dress. Leave it to Willam to make a splash. Literally. For some reason the most inebriated of the guests decided that it was a fantastic idea to accidentally drown themselves instead of their sorrows. Soon, the pool was full of bodies and she could no longer keep track of her friend.

Alaska finally scampered to the steps with the stability of a newborn fawn. She all but fell out of the pool and took half of the water with her. Alaska’s mascara streaked down her cheeks, and her hair hung limp and matted. Roxy and Detox were nowhere to be found—either to help her clean up or to read her for filth. Coco Montrese and her longtime frenemy Miss Alyssa Edwards, however, were more than happy to fill in.

They sound like those brain dead hyenas from The Lion King, Katya snickered to herself. Maybe not that lady one, though. That bitch was fierce.

Alaska coughed up a mouthful of water right at their feet. “Hey, Coco,” She began, “Your makeup is terrible.” Coco wasn’t laughing anymore. Point Alaska.

“Have you seen yourself, mama?” Coco fired back, The blonde rolled her eyes and snatched the drink in Coco’s hand. Alaska tossed it back all in one go.

“Thanks,” Alaska drawled, tossing the empty cup back and wrapping herself in the first available towel.

Katya turned to Trixie with a question on her lips. “Does this happen often?” She asked. Trixie gave a low whistle.

“Pearl has dragged me to a lot of weird shit, but I think this might just be a first,” Trixie answered with gusto. She checked her watch, “And it’s not even 10:00! The night is still young, honey!”

Right, Katya thought, the night is still young. Just great.

Trixie soon ditched Katya for Pearl—something about the stupid pumpkin carriage coming to steal her friend after midnight—and Katya hadn’t known Trixie long enough to reasonably protest the abandonment. She hoped Bianca was somewhere inside the house.

There were still people in the living room, but it looked like the horny gremlins from earlier had finally gotten a room. Literally. Unfortunately, the cheerleaders that had taken their place were not much better. Head bitch Violet Chachki had her legs draped over one of the arms of a stately armchair in a carefree yet superior manner. Why anyone would want to be queen of the hot messes? Katya couldn’t tell you. But apparently power—or at least the perception of power—gave one Violet Chachki a raging hard on. Gag.

Bianca wasn’t in the room, but the blonde was determined to see her valiant quest through. Hopefully, she’d stumble upon a nunnery with some sexy ladies along the way. Sneaking past the wicked bitch of the west and her flying monkeys, she regrouped in the kitchen. Katya went down her mental checklist: Keys? Check. Assorted limbs? Check. Clothes? Check. Inhibitions? Check. Virtue? Debauched. Sanity? Remaining hopefully optimistic. Bianca? Still M.I.A. The kitchen was empty due to the commotion happening poolside. Chips crunched under the soles of Katya’s sneakers. That was another reason she didn’t enjoy being out in the general public for extended periods of time: bitches be nasty.

The second floor was significantly cleaner than the first. An entire floor of the Honards’ house was dedicated to entertainment. Katya knew that Alaska had an older sister, Nebraska, but she couldn’t fathom why any child—or two children for that matter—needed an entire floor to play. How could the rooms not feel so…empty? Katya wondered, shuddering involuntarily. The blonde couldn’t picture Alaska spending much time up here now. She felt as though she was looking at an abandoned playground and couldn’t help but think it made Alaska sad, too.

After a few moments, it became clear to Katya that Bianca wasn’t there, but she continued to linger on the landing. Her blue eyes were drawn to the set of stairs that would take her to the third floor. It was an idea for the pantheon of bad ideas; she was tempted nonetheless. Katya could hear her grandfather’s words in her head: ‘Curiosity killed the kitty, лисичка,’ What her Deda didn’t know wouldn’t hurt him. Besides, I’m not that kind of pussy, am I? She justified.

Katya crept up to the dark third story of the house with the innocence of an intruder—she’d plead the fifth if necessary. The second door down from the landing was ominously open. Honestly, there may as well have been a big red arrow pointing towards the room because Katya’s feet were already carrying her towards it. Darkness engulfed the room, itself, save for a rectangle of warm light.

“Jinkxy, is that you?” Alaska groaned, presumably from the same direction as the light. “Jus’ leave the dress on the bed. Save the lecture for the morning.”

Katya cleared her throat, “Alaska? It’s Katya. Can I come in?” She received a grunt in response. The blonde followed the sound into what turned out to be Alaska’s master bathroom. Her friend was curled up against her marble tub with a beach towel wrapped around her.

“How was I, Kati?“ Alaska drawled.

Katya took a seat in front of her and pulled her legs to her chest. She thought for a moment before speaking, “80% sexy, 20% disgusting…like me.” Alaska whined. “Why are you still in your wet clothes?” She asked. Her friend shrugged. Right, Katya sighed. Alaska was half asleep; this wasn’t going to be a one woman job. Thankfully, Jinkx appeared moments later with her heels in one hand and Alaska’s little black dress in the other. Katya raised her hands in surrender. “I swear she was like this when I found her,” she blurted.

“This isn’t even the worst of it,” Jinx spoke candidly. She tossed her shoes onto the floor and pulled up her long, red hair. “I’ll wrangle the monkey if you go and find her some dry underwear and something to wear to bed.” Jinkx’s tone left no room for questioning.

Mother, I never thought I’d be a panty snatcher, much less an invited one, Katya made a face. Alaska’s dressers were easy to find, and she felt undeniably dirty as she began her game of panty roulette. Pulling open the first drawer, Katya sprang back, ready to strike. Assorted pajamas were hardly a foe, and she vanquished them swiftly. Rebel athleticwear laid in wait behind drawer number two. They, too, were no match for her feet of fury, Katya kicked the drawer shut with a battle cry.

“Katya, what the hell are you doing out there?” Jinkx called.

Katya had the dignity to look sheepish. “Nothing!” She shouted back. “Be there in a second!” The underwear turned out to be in the next drawer down. She thrust a hand inside without looking and tightened her grip on the first piece of fabric her hand found. Her feeling of triumph only lasted the few seconds it took for her to realize what she’d managed to retrieve: a lacy black teddy. Katya dropped the offending garment as if she’d been burned. I am going to hell, she shook her head, Straight to hell. I will not pass go, nor will I collect $100…Deuces never loses, right? The scarlet thong she fished out next begged to differ. Her face was almost as red as the fabric, itself, when she flung it across the room. Fortunately, the third time was the charm. The pastel pink boyshorts seemed like a more appropriate item to put on a drunk girl, so Katya returned to the bathroom to present her nightwear bounty to Jinkx.

The motherly redhead, unsurprisingly, was not impressed. Jinkx arched a brow expectantly.

“You see,” Katya began, “I wasn’t comfortable—I didn’t um feel right digging through her things without, you know, her permission?” She swallowed thickly. “So I thought maybe it would be less creepy if I just reached in and grabbed the first thing I touched. Well, you see, Alaska’s got such a wide range of tastes, and it-uh…It took a hot second to find something appropriate…for the…occasion?” She was expecting to find disgust when she raised her eyes to meet Jinkx’s, but the redhead cackled loudly instead.

“Lemme guess, you saw something you didn’t want to see?” Jinkx chortled. Katya managed a weak nod. “I’m sorry, doll, I forget that not everyone is as acquainted with Miss Honard’s unmentionables as little ol’ me.”

Not everyone is as acquain—Oh! Blue eyes threatened to burst from their sockets as Katya processed her words.  

“Oh, for heaven’s sake, not like that,” Jinkx exclaimed, reading the thoughts reflected on Katya’s face. “Lasky and I did community theater together. I’ve known her since the first grade. Drunk proof her nightstand for me? I’ll dress blondie over here.”

“Does this happen often?” Katya asked Jinkx after Alaska’s door was closed. The incapacitated cheerleader was finally sound asleep in her bed, and the two girls didn’t think she’d be up anytime soon.

Jinkx sighed sadly, “It didn’t use to. Roxy and Detox are more toxic than Drano, and there’s no one to stop her from going out with them. Look, Lasky’s a sweet girl. A good, smart girl. But she makes bad choices sometimes, and there’s nothing that I—that we—can do about it. She’s gotta be the one to say enough is enough.”

Katya understood. Katya understood more than she wanted to. She’d been a shell of a girl drowning in the voices in her head not too long ago. It didn’t matter how many hands reached out to her if she refused to take them. Alaska—happy and hopeful Alaska—might just be drowning, too. Katya wondered if she drank to impress, to keep up, or to forget.

Jinkx promised that she’d look over Alaska until the next morning, so Katya reluctantly chose to rejoin the land of the living downstairs. The first floor was significantly louder than it was when she left it. Games of flip cup and beer pong had picked up in the dining room, and Violet’s flock had not only grown, but had grown to include both Trixie and Bianca, who were trying their hardest not to laugh at the spectacle in the middle of the living area. Willam and Courtney were having a major bitchfest for all to see. Normally, Katya would run for the hills, but if Bianca and Trixie weren’t afraid of getting caught in the crossfire, she figured it was safe enough to stick around and tuned into the conversation.

“Your tone seems really pointed right now,” Willam pursed her lips. She was clearly the calmer of the two, as Courtney was beet red and positively radiating tension. Katya could tell Willam’s nonchalance was only winding the Australian up more.

Courtney folded her arms defensively. “Well, I’m sorry you think that, Willam,” she took a deep breath. “I feel like everything I say kinda comes from the heart, and I’m truly hurt that you threw yourself at Daniel when you knew how I felt about him.”

“Sorry ‘bout it,” Willam scoffed, picking at her nails. Her words reflected everything but the sentiment they were meant to.

Katya knew that Willam was a bitch, but this was a little much even for her. Willam and Courtney had been best friends since Courtney moved from Australia the summer of their freshman year; it was hard to believe that Willam would throw their relationship away. Katya held her breath. Everyone in the wings was uncomfortable during the pregnant pause. The scene before her was straight out of a 90s teen movie, and she didn’t have the popcorn to go with it.

All movement stilled when Willam finally looked up. “I tend to think emotions are for ugly people,” she deadpanned. The room let out a collective gasp. Courtney was across the room in a flash, and her palm made contact with Willam’s cheek. It would be logical to assume that Willam, who was just slapped across the face by her best friend, would be the most in shock at the sudden turn of events; it would also be the wrong conclusion. Courtney’s features were frozen in fear. The offending hand still hovered in the air, trembling like a leaf.

Willam was the first to react—and in a very uncharacteristic way. She engulfed the smaller girl in a tender hug. Courtney began to sob muffled apologies into her neck, and despite her obvious desire to recoil, Willam continued to hold her close.

Maybe Willam actually does have feelings, Katya’s eyebrows raised. The sight of Willam whispering words of reassurance into Courtney’s ear was enough to make even the coldest heart melt. Well, the coldest heart with the exception of Violet Chachki’s. Katya was pretty sure the stick up her ass was a permanent installment.

When the two pulled apart minutes later with smiles on their faces, they were met with a round of applause. Courtney wiped at her eyes, careful not to smudge her makeup. If she noticed Willam’s arm around her waist, she didn’t give any indication as she addressed the spectators that had gathered, “Well, I’m gonna need to be less sober before I spill any more about myself. Truth or drink, anyone?”

Truth or drink? No thanks, Katya turned to sneak out. Unfortunately, Bianca had also chosen that exact moment to glance in her direction, and Katya was caught in the act.

“Bitch, you can’t leave yet. It’s not even midnight!” Bianca half whispered, half hissed.

And Bianca doesn’t associate with losers, Katya reminded herself. Don’t be a loser. “If my locker gets filled with worms next week, I will personally marinate you like a chicken,” she promised her friend.

“Yeah, yeah, yeah, I’ve heard it all before. Blame it on Bianca Del Rio. Take a number, sweetheart, you’re holding up the line,” Bianca patted the space next to her on the floor.

Laganja had batted her eyelashes—and used her mouth—to coerce one of the mindless jocks to bring in one of the kegs from outside for their “slumber party secret sesh”. There were fifteen girls, including Katya, who stuck around for the potentially risky game, and Katya wasn’t thrilled to be playing with most of them. Adore finished off her beer and placed the empty bottle in the center of the circle.

“Party!” Adore shouted before giving the bottle a good spin. Around, and around, and around it went before coming to a stop at Coco’s feet. “Miss Coco Montrese, truth or dare?” She asked.

“I’ll pick truth, mama,” Coco answered.

Adore thought for a moment before speaking, “Are you afraid that you’ll always be the runner up?” There was a chorus of oohs. Everyone knew that the race for junior varsity squad captain their sophomore year was a sore spot for both girls. It was no secret that Alyssa was originally chosen to be captain by her teammates. However, when she became implicated in a cheating scandal, Coach Calhoun was forced to denounce her and give Coco, Alyssa’s best friend and the candidate to receive the second most votes, the position. To make matters worse, it was rumored that Coco was the one who suggested that Alyssa had committed academic dishonesty in the first place. Alyssa and Coco had patched up their friendship over the course of the last year, but there was no telling whether or not the structure would hold if tested.

“Out of respect for me and Miss Alyssa, I am going to drink,” Coco responded without hesitance. Adore poured her a shot, and Alyssa gave her hand a grateful squeeze as she tossed it back. “Ain’t no use bringing up what’s past.”

Coco spun the bottle next, and it chose Trixie as its victim. “Truth or dare?” Coco asked.

“I think I’ll pick dare?” Trixie responded with hesitance. Katya didn’t know much about Coco Montrese, but for Trixie’s sake she hoped Coco was one of the nice ones.

Said cheerleader gave Trixie a small and genuine smile, “Okay, mama, I dare you to let Miss Pearl over here do your makeup. Something has got to be done because you aren’t doing a pretty girl like yourself any favors.” The reactions to Coco’s dare for Trixie were mixed. Some of the she-demons tried and failed to hide their amused laughs, Pearl’s eyes opened fully, Violet’s grip on her chair tightened, and Trixie seemed to be not entirely opposed to the idea.

“Pearlie girl,” Trixie began, standing up and crossing to her best friend on the opposite side of the circle, “Treat my face like a princess and then fuck it like a slut.” The life-sized Barbie batted her eyelashes animatedly, earning her a laugh from pearl and a glare from Violet. The ice queen’s elevated irritability prompted Katya to reconsider her previous assessments—maybe it was an entire branch up her ass.

When Pearl and Trixie left, there was a void that seemed to swallow Violet whole. The physical space around her remained largely unchanged, but Katya could feel the emptiness that moved to fill the space Pearl left. And for the first time it occurred to her that Violet Chachki might be alone. I guess there might be some truth to the saying, she mused. After all, if you’re at the top, how can anyone else be? When you stripped away the glitter, the makeup, the clothes, you were left with a girl—albeit an arrogant, entitled, straight up cunt—plain and simple.

“Heavy is the head that wears the crown, huh?” Bianca nudged Katya’s arm, snapping her out of her thoughts.

“What?” Katya asked. Had she missed something while she was contemplating the character of Violet Chachki?

Bianca chuckled, “You’ve been staring at Chachki since Trixie and Pearl left.” The blonde feigned innocence. “You know how I feel about that 48 Hours show, Zamo. Share with the class before your peanut brain short circuits.”

“What’s her problem?” Katya whispered. “I mean, aside from her general disdain for anything that has a pulse and moves.”

“With Trixie?” Bianca confirmed. Katya nodded. “Oh, this is old news. Her Royal Hardass doesn’t share, but Sleeping Beauty’s got a soft spot for one Trixie Mattel.”

The dots aligned in Katya’s head once again. “Violet’s the pumpkin carriage!” She whisper-shouted.

“Bitch, that was not English,” Bianca snarked, “You been hanging around with Jose Cuervo?”

Katya rolled her eyes at her friend’s question, “I have ninety-nine problems, and substance abuse won’t be one of them if I have anything to say about it.” She turned back to the circle just in time to see the neck of the bottle stop on Bianca, who didn’t even flinch. Katya was secretly proud; her friend had bigger balls than most of the ‘macho men’ at the party—this was going to be interesting. Since Trixie had gone upstairs to get her face redone, Detox decided that she would be the brave volunteer to issue the next truth or dare.

“Bianca, truth or dare?” Detox asked smugly. Katya couldn’t guess which one would be worse. Unsurprisingly, Bianca chose dare. “I dare you to ask Max for his number.” There was, again, a chorus of oohs, and it was Bianca’s turn to roll her eyes.

“Really, bitch?” Bianca asked. She stood up and righted her denim shorts before striding over to the meatheads playing beer pong with a clear purpose and her head held high.

Because Bianca could run with the boys, no one batted an eye—unless she wanted them to. She hoisted herself up onto the pool table in front of Max and held out an upturned palm. They were too far away to make out their conversation, and Katya was a terrible lip reader at best, but she could picture how the exchange would go down:

“Gimme ya’ numbah, beefstick,” She imitated Bianca in her head. The 1920s gangster voice was a bold choice, but she wasn’t going to mock it just yet.

“D’uhh…okay,” Fake Max droned.

The blonde chuckled to herself as the real Max stuck a fist in the pockets of his jeans and fished around. Finally, he produced what looked like a wadded up gum wrapper and snagged a pen from his pal, presumably jotting down his number. Bianca hastily took the offering and sashayed back to the group of girls. She dropped the wrapper in Detox’s lap before taking her seat by Katya.

While the hens squawked over her success, Bianca leaned over to Katya and whispered, “Never let a bitch see you sweat.” Katya had so many questions, but she wouldn’t be able to ask them until later. It was Bianca’s turn to spin the bottle, and Adore, unsurprisingly, chose truth when landed on.

“Adore, which girl on the squad is the skunkiest?” Bianca waggled her thick, black brows. Because she was the mascot and didn’t change in the locker room, she genuinely had no idea how rank the girls smelled after practice or a game. Sue her; she was curious. What Bianca also didn’t know was that the question had a definitive answer, and that answer would do damage far beyond her intent to poke a little harmless and innocent fun at one of the girls.

Even completely sloshed, Adore recognized the gravity of the question. “Fuck! If I drink any more, I’m gonna be sick,” Adore groaned. Her teammates looked at her with pity in their eyes.

“Yeah but it’s not like anyone’s ever died from drinking too much!” Laganja came to her rescue, topping off her cup, “What’s one more?” Adore could only offer her a weak smile.

“Uh, I think I’m just gonna spin the thing now…For everyone’s sake,” Adore informed the group. The bottle landed on Gia, and she picked dare.

The turns only seemed to bleed together as time went on. After Gia drank from the toilet, Roxy refused to reveal her weight. Laganja told her dad she was eloping in Vegas, and when she spun the bottle it landed on Violet. Because ladies don’t kiss and tell, the brunette tossed one back instead of revealing the number of sexual partners she’s had. Alyssa confessed that she was afraid she would never achieve her dream of owning her own dance studio. Courtney shared that she’d never been in love, and Willam exposed her entire browser history, telling Katya a lot more than she wanted to know about the girl. For obvious reasons, Joslyn refused to eat a raw egg. Detox followed by removing Adore’s socks with her teeth. Katya played it safe and suggested that Bianca would be a bad date because she’s insulting people all the time before daring Gia to reveal any childhood nickname she had. Things didn’t start going downhill until the bottle landed on Violet a second time.

“Violet,” Gia cooed, “Truth or dare?”.

“Truth,” Violet answered with an unreadable expression.

Gia thought for a moment before asking the first truly problematic question of the night, “Who in this room do you like the least?”

Ruh-roh, Katya winced.

Violet didn’t waste a moment before answering, “Willam.” There was a collective gasp across the room. Willam, on her part, didn’t seem to be phased in the slightest. Then again, you could never really read Willam Belli.

Pearl and Trixie returned, arm in arm, before Violet could spin the bottle. Katya’s jaw—along with all the other girls’—dropped. Trixie looked gorgeous. Pearl reclaimed her seat next to Violet, much to the cheerleader’s delight, but brought Trixie with her. At the group’s insistence, Trixie was allowed to take the turn that she missed, and Detox was dared to call a random number in her phone and deliver the worst pickup line she could think of. Katya was glad for the change in the room’s atmosphere after Violet’s confession until Detox took her turn. After the call, Detox dared Violet to spend the next hour trapped in a bathroom with another girl from the circle chosen at random. Anyone who didn’t know Detox might think she was trying to create a seven minutes in heaven type deal, but even Katya could pick up on her intent to stir up trouble. She pitied the poor soul who ended up stuck in there.

Of course that poor soul ended up being her, and she wasn’t about to pussy out in front of the most popular girls in school. Peer pressure was a bitch. Judge, jury, and executioner had all decided it was her time, and she accepted that; she just wished her death march had a better soundtrack. Katya would be cooped up in one of the Honards’ bathrooms with a less than pleasant—soon to be considerably more less than pleasant—Violet Chachki. She was going to punch Detox in her stupid mouth.

Katya entered the bathroom the same way she’d rip off a band-aid: quickly and without much thought for the immediate consequences. Violet, who was perched on the bathroom counter, had been engrossed in her phone when the door swung open to reveal the one girl that she just couldn’t seem to get away from. Unsurprisingly, the cheerleader wasn’t thrilled.

“Really, bitch?” Violet griped, giving Katya a once over. It wasn’t like the situation was ideal for either of them.

Katya put her hands on her hips, “You know what you can suck? My whole dick.” She unenthusiastically plunked herself down against the wall opposite of the door. “We’ve got two options, Chachki, we can either suck it up and spend the next hour in here in silence, or we can French a little.” Violet was aghast at her words. If Katya were a proper woman, she might have been able to hold in the cackling fit prompted by the girl’s scandalized reaction. Violet wasn’t impressed with her wheezing, either. Katya finally calmed down and attempted to explain herself, “Sorry, I could have been more clear, but your reaction was priceless.” She wiped at her eyes. “Thanks. I needed that. Detox said she was “‘feeling generous,’”  and if we so choose, we can suck face and then get the hell out of Dodge.” Violet sneered, and Katya wondered if it was with anger or disgust; she didn’t know which one was better.

“As fucking if,” Violet scoffed, clearly feeling as though Detox’s so-called coup de grâce was more of a personal attack.

“Well, I don’t see anyone lining up to get the kiss of the spider woman, either,” Katya observed. “I told you that you weren’t going to like it.” The cheerleader exhaled sharply, and she was surprised not to see steam come out of her flared nostrils.

Violet pursed her lips, “Just shut up and stay on your side of the room.” With that, Violet returned her attention to her phone, but Katya didn’t fail to notice that her expression didn’t soften. If Katya weren’t trapped in the room with her, she’d probably find Violet’s situation hilarious.

Katya had made the mistake of leaving her jacket—and consequentially, her phone—on the coat rack in the hall. Call her old fashioned, but it was a force of habit. Besides, she didn’t need her phone because Bianca was supposed to be there to pull her out of trouble if it arose. But are we really surprised to find ourselves here? Katya asked herself. No. Not at all. At least she found herself entertaining. Hoping to bring forth inspiration, she laid back on the floor, let her gaze unfocus, and tried to lose herself in the plain ceiling. Katya didn’t know how long she’d been drifting for when Violet’s voice shattered the silence.

“Fuck!” Violet cursed, and the sound of hard plastic hitting the floor made Katya’s whole body go rigid. She squeezed her eyes shut. I am not going to be equipped to handle this, Katya bristled. Maybe if I just keep my eyes closed, I can fall asleep. It seemed like a feasible plan until she heard the first sniffle. Of course I find out she has feelings when I’m stuck in a room with her, the blonde facepalmed inwardly. Why today, of all days, to be railed in the ass by life? Her left eye opened first, searching for any signs of danger before being followed by her right eye.

“I knew you didn’t like me Chachki, but I didn’t think you found me this repulsive,” Katya spoke. “Quite frankly, it’s offensive.”

“Fuck you,” Violet spat, but the usual venom in her voice was gone. Katya propped herself back up against the wall to get a better look at the girl on the counter. Her attention was unwanted, and Violet turned towards the door with a huff.

Clearly comedic relief wasn’t the answer. “Do you wanna talk about it?” Katya tried again. No response. The girl’s side profile was growing red and blotchy, and Katya had sent her mom enough photos of her crying to know that Violet was trying and failing to stifle an emotional response. Go figure. “I won’t tell anyone if you cry, you know?” She said softly. “Bottling it up is just gonna make you feel shittier than you do now.”

“Do you think I’m a goddamn idiot?” Violet barked. She wiped furiously at her eyes before whirling around in an attempt to intimidate the blonde. “Better make your fifteen minutes last.”

Katya was genuinely taken aback. Does this bitch really think I’m in on this? She shook her head incredulously. Her airhead friends would literally eat me alive, and I’m pretty sure I haven’t given her any reason to think that I’m faker than Malibu Barbie. If I were made of plastic, why in the hell would I keep my hands this small? “Are we really back on this bullshit, Violet?” Katya snapped. “I’m sorry you think that the universe revolves around you. I hate to burst your bubble, but I have better things to do than conspire against you with your teammates over scones. Get over yourself, Princess.” In her head, Katya blew the smoke from the pistols in her hands. Call me perestroika, Mother, for I am reforming problematic practices, she hooted.

“Whatever,” Violet grumbled. Katya, on the other hand, wasn’t willing to let this go; some conversation was better than nothing.

“How’s the back?” The blonde inquired and was pleasantly surprised when Violet outright snorted at the shift in conversation. Katya took her in as she threw her head back in laughter. There was something about this Violet—the unguarded and natural Violet—that captivated her. Violet’s eyes crinkled, and she clasped a hand over her mouth in a flimsy attempt to stifle the noises she was making. It was frustratingly endearing.

Violet cleared her throat before answering, “Fucked. I’m considering outlawing acrylics on the squad. That shit’s not even practical for a cheerleader, and it’s hurting like a bitch to corset.”

“You’re wearing a corset?” Katya gasped. For the first time that night, she took all of Violet in. She wore a nude illusion dress with a loose black lattice pattern. It covered just a little more than her ass and was cinched at the waist with a rocker belt, squeezing her in a way that left absolutely nothing to the imagination. How in the world do you hide a corset under that? Katya wondered. In addition to the dress, she donned thigh high, slick black boots and a thick, black leather choker that looked more like a collar. Hot damn, Katya could n e v e r, and she knew it. She finally composed herself, “First of all, you’re literally a cheerleader with a body to die for. Second of all, why wear something that hurts you?”

The cheerleader didn’t even seem phased by the inquiries, almost like she’d dealt with them hundreds of times before, “Pain is beauty, and I’m the prettiest.” Katya couldn’t argue there. Violet was beautiful, but she still thought her ideology was questionable.

“So what actually happened at the pep rally? We all saw you fall, but I’ll believe it was your fault when the garden is full of ducks holding pastry in their hands. You’re too much of a hardass.”

Violet raised her eyebrows, as if daring Katya to say it again, “I will let that slide only because it’s technically a compliment. And you’d be correct; I am a professional, unlike others. You’d do well to take note: one of my biggest pet peeves is when people don’t take the things I love as seriously as I do. I accept nothing less than perfection.”

“That must be lonely,” Katya couldn’t stop the words from spilling from her mouth. “You know, having such high standards? Does anyone ever make the cut?” Opening her mouth was clearly a mistake because Violet seemed to shut down all at once.

“What do you know about how I feel?” Violet fired back, crossing her arms over her chest.

Keep digging yourself deeper, why don’t ya? Katya shook her head. She needed to tread carefully. It was a miracle that she had even been having a civil conversation with Violet in the first place, and she didn’t want to ruin the progress they had made. “I know that you work harder than anyone else on that squad, and nobody gives you credit or appreciates you for it,” Katya began. “I know that people are fast to discredit your talent because of how young you are. I know that you’re waiting for the day those bitches stop hoping that you’ll screw up or get hurt, the day you can finally stop looking over your shoulder, the day that you no longer have to prove yourself. I know that you’re tired of fighting tooth and nail for the respect that you’ll probably never earn, and I know it’s fucking hard for you to pretend that your peers aren’t harboring resentment towards you. I know that at night you try to wash it all away because you’re still holding out hope that it will all be worth it in the end. Cheer and theatre aren’t that different. It was obvious in the gym, and it’s obvious now.” Katya took a deep breath. Maybe she’d been thinking a little more about Violet that afternoon than she’d like to admit. She hadn’t meant to go off on a tangent like that, but she certainly didn’t regret what she said. Based on Violet’s reaction, however, maybe she should have. The brunette’s hands were clenched into tight fists at her sides, and tears began to roll down her cheeks. Katya tried to backtrack, “Violet I—”

Katya was cut off by the bathroom door swinging open. Pearl, who stood oblivious on the other side, immediately noticed the state of her friend. “Vi?” Pearl approached her hesitantly. Violet’s gaze didn’t move from the floor. “Hey, what’s going on? Talk to me.” She moved to lift Violet’s chin up, but Violet recoiled from her touch.

“Don’t touch me!” Violet shouted, her voice almost frantic. Katya’s eyes darted from one girl to the other. Pearl, who was visibly shocked by her reaction, looked hurt, which was very uncharacteristic for the mellow girl. Katya, herself, had never seen anything but characteristic nonchalance reflected on Pearl’s face, and the change made her uneasy.

Pearl took a reluctant step forward and spoke in a whisper, “Violet, did something happen? You know you can tell me anything.”

“Is that the truth, Pearl?” The brunette questioned. “Because clearly I don’t know you as well as I thought I did.”

Pearl shook her head in frustration. “Cut the crap, Vi,” She demanded, “You’re literally my best friend, and—”

“Bullshit!” Violet interrupted. “I call motherfucking bullshit!” Both girls were standing now with less than a foot between them, the situation escalating by the second, and Katya was stuck in the middle of it. She tried to push her back further into the solid wall behind her, but there was nowhere for her to go. Fuck me! Katya grimaced. Why is Toxic so damn appropriate right now?

“What the hell, Violet?” Pearl shouted back. “God, you’re fucking impossible.”

“Fuck you, Pearl!” Violet pushed Pearl, and the blonde hit the wall with a dull thud. “Fuck you! You and I are done! You hear me? Done! Save your goddamn lies for that pathetic dress up doll. I never want to see you again.” With a huff, Violet stormed out of the bathroom, leaving an uncomfortable Katya and a drained Pearl alone. What the fuck just happened? Katya tried and failed to process the encounter.

She was caught off guard when Pearl finally acknowledged her presence. “Forecast predicts drinking to forget,” Pearl deadpanned, nodding her head towards the door Violet had just stormed through. “Want in?” Katya shook her head furiously. Getting piss drunk with those two would be like making smalltalk with a Molotov cocktail. She’d pass. She’d pass hard. Pearl seemed to understand. “It’s flazéda or whatever,” The corners of her mouth turned up slightly. “Just do me a solid and remind me to fuck with Willam’s weed on Monday.”

Katya didn’t know what “‘flazéda’” meant, or the why and how of Pearl tampering with Willam’s weed, but the questions weren’t enough to persuade her to stick around the party longer. When Pearl left, Katya made a run for the Honards’ front door. She grabbed her jacket before taking off down the street. The blonde didn’t stop until she could no longer hear the music pulsing from the house. Her phone buzzed in her pocket with a text from ‘Bianca del Realest’:

Bitch, where are you?

What the fuck happened in there?

Earth to Yekaterina?

Katya sighed and pocketed the phone again. She’d call her when she got home. That would buy her some more time to put the experience into words…and to decide just how much information she should share.

The drive home from the Honards’ was quiet—too quiet. Music normally made being in the car enjoyable, but there was something about the night that didn’t allow Björk to keep her out of her own head. It didn’t feel real, and that terrified the shit out of her. Life was monotonous, life was mundane, life was one of those stupid time loop movies where you had to learn from your mistakes over time and find out what was important in the stupid haystack of chaos. Violet Chachki and her ex best friend potentially ex best friend were not supposed to have the Chernobyl of all relationship meltdowns in Alaska Honard’s guest bathroom right in front of her. Katya didn’t know who opened this tragic can of worms, but when she found them, she was going to slap a bitch silly.

[darkpoisonouslove]

Sparks of Life Actual Trivia

As the title suggests, I will do my best to try to keep this to things that are actual trivia and not the outlines of fics (even though, let’s be real, I could turn anything into story material). Here we go.

- Valtor’s most used emoji is a blue heart that he is always sending Griffin. He barely uses any of the other emojis and that one somehow always appears as the most recently used as well as simply the most used. Griffin finds it cute even when she jokes that her most used emoji is for certain the one that is facepalming. Not just when she’s texting with him but with the twins, too, and sometimes, yes, even with Faragonda (though, that is usually when the conversation steers to something Hagen did XD). Her actual most used emoji is the one with the sunglasses because she is a badass bitch. (All of this is totally Zarathustra’s fault as she is the one that gave Griffin the opportunity to use literally every single emoji there is (and annoyed her into doing it).) Her second most used emoji is the one that blows a kiss. That one can be used both ironically and unironically. She might be a sassy bitch but she is a sassy bitch that really loves her people and even shows it from time to time. XD

- Valtor bought Griffin a waterfall incense burner:

and she has not been able to recover from that gift ever since. It meant a lot to her since she immediately fell in love with the idea of a waterfall incense burner when she first saw it but she didn’t think of buying one for herself since Valtor has a delicate sense of smell and strong scents irritate him easily. She needs to be careful when she buys scented candles and perfumes (or she’d end up giving them to the twins, again) and she didn’t think it a good idea to have one of those as she rarely burned incense anymore because of his sensitivity. She was very touched when he bought one for her and absolutely loves watching the smoke cascading down like it’s water. They still have to maneuver with it sometimes but it’s all good.

- One time Emalyn had brought out the old albums with whatever photos she and Griffin’s dad had managed to take of their daughter. She and Valtor were going through them while Griffin was fussing on Valtor’s shoulder (no need to let go of him just because she’s not thrilled about his curiosity). Valtor noticed the bowl of gummy bears in one of the photos and asked about it. Emalyn laughed before telling the story about how for one of Griffin’s birthdays in college Ediltrude had made vodka gummy bears since Griffin really loved eating the things when she was little and, well, it needed to be appropriate for the celebration at hand so just ordinary gummy bears wouldn’t cut it. Valtor listened intently but Griffin could tell there was something making him sad as he wasn’t talking a lot after that. So she picked up a packet of gummy bears next time they went shopping and that was the first time Valtor ate gummy bears (and the first time Griffin ate gummy bears ever since those vodka soaked ones) as well as, quite possibly, the last. He wasn’t a fan and tried not to antagonize her about loving them. He made sure to buy her a packet once in a while instead. He also might have gotten her a gummy bear bouquet for her birthday.

- Valtor and Griffin love to train together. There is a fitness room in the penthouse and they do spend some of their together time in there even if Griffin rarely uses any of the equipment in it. She might use the treadmill occasionally but that’s about it. She prefers to do yoga while Valtor does his exercises. Their background music choices might have clashed a little as she basically needs hers to be soothing spiritual music while Valtor prefers more energetic tunes. They solved that with wireless earphones. The matter of getting distracted while watching the other (and even pulling the other into that distraction as well) has been harder to resolve but they love spending time together even when they are both absorbed in their own things and it is only about feeling the silent presence of the other so they keep it up. They even spar together as Valtor used to take martial arts lessons and he might have taught Griffin as well so that they can have all that fun together. You know, pressing each other into walls and pinning each other to the ground. ;) They love their training sessions.

- Bathroom commodities are a bit of a nightmare. Griffin has her vanity - luckily for her because otherwise she wouldn’t have been able to get to a mirror most of the time with Valtor is the way. He is not as much vain as he is a perfectionist and also self-conscious (thanks to his mothers) and he spends ages in front of the mirror. So does Griffin, though hers is more from vanity. Yet, she was the one saying she was surprised Valtor didn’t have mirrors in every room. They still have the regular weekly fight about the bathroom as a lot of the time it looks like one of them is only waiting for the other to come out so that they can go in. It’s a bit frantic in the morning which is a factor in why the bathroom issue is one of their biggest sources of conflict when they are still sleepy and irritable or running late. They also tend to love sharing it when they are truly sharing it, however. Joined bath is one of the most relaxing activities they can imagine, especially when they help each other wash their hair. And it is perfect for cuddling and all that good stuff. ;)

- They have a fireplace in the penthouse that they both love dearly. Valtor finds the crackling of the fire and the warmth soothing and Griffin loves curling up in front of the fireplace with a good book and a cup of tea. Even more so if Valtor is there although most of the time he has paperwork to attend to. She doesn’t mind if she can lean on him and read into the evening. Winter nights have never been cozier or warmer. Though, sometimes the atmosphere turns competitive when they play chess in front of the fireplace. They happen to play other games at times as well but chess is their favorite and the heat of the fire kind of adds to the intensity. It satisfies their craving for theatrics as they are both drama queens so it is certainly a favorite thing of theirs. They even had a “picnic” in front of the fireplace once. It was fun, though they almost managed to push one of the dishes into the fireplace so they had to estimate a safety distance there.

- Griffin bought Valtor pens in different colors to help him color code his schedule and know what is important and what is less so. It was really useful even if Valtor wasn’t really feeling the idea at the beginning. Once it started saving him time that he could spend with her, however, he was quickly on board with it. He’d also use them to draw Griffin pics on stray sheets of paper during the day while he was talking on the phone or having to wait for a document to get sent to him. He really started loving the idea. So much so that he didn’t notice he was signing paperwork with the pink pen until his secretary pointed it out. They had to print out all of it anew and he wasn’t thrilled about having to repeat the whole process. Griffin laughed - very uncharacteristically and unsympathetically of her - when he told her that evening and he wasn’t quite playing offended just to get her kisses. He didn’t mind that part, though, and he did keep the pens since they were useful and made his day somewhat brighter.

- They love to travel when they can. The weekends are usually free and even if that doesn’t leave them a lot of time for long trips, they still love exploring the “local” are. They just grab the car keys and some spare clothes and drive for as long as they can before they have to start coming back or until a town catches their eye. They sometimes pick a destination beforehand, though that is left to luck. Valtor usually lets Griffin pick it as they lay out a map and whatever she points to becomes their destination. It doesn’t really matter where they’ll end up when they are together. They even managed to get a little further away a few times when Valtor hired a private jet. It was a good way to see something new when they’d already explored a lot of the closer places and to add something different in their lives. And even if they had to come back too soon, they still have the memories and those magnets Griffin loves to buy from the places they visit instead of taking photos. Photos of them, at least. They end up with plenty beautiful shots of scenery. And one or two of Griffin when Valtor manages to catch her off guard. She has snapped loads of pics of him, though, as he would even pose for her (and she might have one or two framed in her office at work plus some more in the penthouse).

- Once they were on a date (before they moved in together), Valtor took her to a ferris wheel which stopped working right as they were at the very top. Valtor is still not over the crisis he had back then (nor the fit of rage) but it ended up being Griffin’s favorite date of theirs. Sure, they were stuck for about an hour and she needed to go to the toilet which might have been thanks to the low temperatures and the wind up there that had her freezing, but it wasn’t so bad when Valtor was with her. They watched the stars that they could see despite the city lights and they cuddled into each other for warmth. Well, she cuddled into him as he was still warm like an oven and she wasn’t sure how he was doing it. And of course, cuddling turned into kissing which also got intense. They both had to fix their clothes and button what had been unbuttoned when the wheel started again most unexpectedly. Griffin still looks on that date fondly and Valtor can be swayed into admitting it went quite well considering the circumstances when she reminds him about after the wheel when they were warming up.

That’s about it... Nine points for the 9th... of June. (I have connected the dots. XD)

[mrkanman]

Heather Mason for that meme!

 favorite thing about them

Heather is honestly a HUGE breath of fresh air and attitude compared to the other silent hill protagonists!!! she’s not a brooding dude or blank slate, she’s entirely and wholly herself and not to mention like, Silent Hill is kind of like..I think it’s always been ABOUT women, but Silent Hill 3 is just. Unequivocally about the trauma and cycle of hurt shared between two women. And the way Heather is defiantly cheeky in protest of the people around her trying to make her fit their “chosen one” narrative. Like. God Heather herself is a WONDERFUL character and I’ve only deconstructed the meta aspect of how intriguing she is.  

least favorite thing about them

However. She also suffers from “girl protagonist-itis.” the same thing that imo claire redfield suffers somewhat from. And it mostly comes from somewhat that generic “spitfire young woman in need of male guidance” kind of deal that always kind of made em go :/ in certain media. Furthermore I think that she’s. Sexualized. That’s it and every female character in Silent Hill goes through it but she’s 17 which makes me attack.  

favorite line

“Alessa... I guess it's kinda strange for me to call you that, since you are me. But y'know what? 'You' and I don't think alike, after all... “

brOTP

Henry and Heather/Cheryl are roommates post SH3 and they form a tight ghostbusting crew whenever silent hill weirdness leaks out into the normal world. she mercilessly teases him about never noticing that a guy’s corpse was just in the walls of the apartment. they pose on walter sullivans grave. they have a youtube channel of horror let’s plays.

OTP

See it’s moments like these where I wished we had better established timelines than just vague impressions. but yanno going off just like headcanony territory of a few years post SH3 and if angela had survived....i think they’d be.....fun...as an Idea...girlfriends who commit arson....

nOTP

I see Heather being shipped with Vincent/Douglas and I kill on sight. Don’t be fucking nasty. And don’t ship Heather and Claudia either she’s like twice her age at least.

random headcanon

Heather collects furbies and is a defender of “creepy” kids toys unironically, but she pretends it’s ironic because she’s embarrassed somewhat of her hobbies. Actually along those lines she likes theater but she’s only ever been a stagehand because she’s just a bit too self conscious to go up on stage.

unpopular opinion

She’s a more complex and interesting protagonist than James and I think that if SH3 was structured to be more like SH2 it would have been praised as a better game.

song i associate with them

Forgive me for being basic but GRRRLS by AViVA is a Heather bop.

favorite picture of them

IDK but this one shot of her near the beginning of the game is so pretty.