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| Day11: Irritable |
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WARNINGS: Reader got irritated, understanding Reid, Gut-wrenching comfort (I NEED HIM TO HOLD ME)
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WORDS: 1,031
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PAIRING: Spencer Reid x gn!reader
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Can somebody tell me if reader got overwhelmed or overstimulated?? Idk bc I get like this and just get called dramatic😭🙏
Also, Reid in the GIF.. I'd let him eat me up.
You sit at your desk, your head in your hands and your heart beating so loudly it's practically the only thing you can hear. Well, you wish it was the only thing you could hear. But you can hear each too loud breath Rossi takes with his smoker lungs, each tap of JJ’s pen against whatever mug she's drinking out of, each time Morgan sneezes it's like you can hear the snot fluttering in the humid room.
You're sweating, whether that's out of rage or because you swear it's a thousand degrees, each bead of sweat that rolls down your forehead makes you want to scream and cry.
You have to keep repeating to yourself, “I'm okay, I'm not mad, I'm okay, no anger here”. But when Spencer suddenly shows up behind you with a hand on your shoulder, you snap. Before he can even ask or speak, you stand up and whip around to face him, yelling out an accidentally loud “Fuck off!”.
Every small irritating noise seems to go quiet now. You can't even hear the wheezy breath of Rossi and his smoker lungs. All eyes are on you, making you feel smothered.
“..Hey, What's go-?” Spencer tries to ask gently, but you cut him off with a snarky “Didn't you fucking hear me? Fuck off! Please!?”. It feels quieter than before, somebody, probably JJ, drops a pen. The sound echoes and you can't stand it.
You grab your car keys and you bolt, running off to the elevator to escape everybody as tears well up in your eyes.
In the bullpen, after you leave, everybody is still silent. Spencer remains right where he was, simply staring at your desk. “..what was their issue?” Morgan asks, somehow unaware of the tension in the room. Everybody shoots him a look that tells him to shut the fuck up.
Spencer silently walks over to his desk and gathers his stuff, putting on his coat and slinging his messenger bag over his shoulders. He goes over to your desk and packs up your stuff, grabbing your coat, wallet, and phone since you left the items in your desperate escape.
“Tell Hotch that I went out to go take care of them.” He says before exiting the bullpen, going over to the elevator and getting in.
He rides down and exits through the lobby, going out into the snowy parking lot. He looks around to see the car in fact gone, then simply starts his walk back to his apartment since he knows that's probably where you went with the car.
He walks about fifteen minutes in the snow until he gets home, going up the steps and quietly entering the apartment. He can hear your cries sounding through the house and it breaks his heart. He slips off his coat and shoes, setting your stuff on the coffee table and his bag next to it.
Spencer goes down the hall, stopping outside of the bedroom. He hesitantly knocks, whispering a soft “Can I come in?”. He waits until he hears the click of the door unlocking before he slowly pushes open the door.
His gaze softens at the sight of you, curled up in the corner, eyes red and puffy with tears still falling from them. He slowly walks over to you and kneels down in front of you, putting his hands on your knees. He guides you to uncurl from yourself, opening your legs so that he can lay down and put his head in your lap, his arms loosely wrapping around your body.
The weight of his head in your lap is familiar, considering he always does this to calm you down. You let your hand drop to his head, gently beginning to play with his hair as you start to work on calming down.
He waits until he hears your cries turn into sniffles to adjust the position of his head so he can look up at you. He taps your lower back, silently asking you to meet his gaze. Once you do, he speaks slowly. “..Everything got to be too much, huh?”. You nod your head in response, moving one hand to wipe your tears away while the other remains on the back of his head, your fingers still tangled in his hair.
He moves one of his hands to yours, pulling it down so he can kiss your knuckles. “..I'm sorry I yelled at you. I-I didn't.. I didn't mean to.” You apologize, your voice raspy and hoarse from crying. He gently shushes you, kissing your knuckles again. “It's okay. I'm not mad. You were just.. irritated. overwhelmed.” He assures you.
Spencer slides up onto his knees, the bottom of your thighs hovering over the top of his, your knees on each side of his chest. The way he looks at you so gently makes you feel even worse for being so rude to him earlier, you sink down further into the corner in a weak attempt to hide away. He reaches forward, his hands slipping under your arms and pulling you to sit up again. “You don't have to hide, I already told you.. I'm not mad, baby.” He whispers. He leans forward and presses a kiss to the tip of your nose, his hands sliding up to rest on your cheeks.
You melt into his touch, any lingering feeling of pent up anger feeling like it slips away as he begins rubbing your cheeks with his thumbs, wiping away the evidence of your tears. You try to apologize again, but he silences you with a kiss, mumbling against your lips “We all get mad. It's okay. I understand.”.
Spencer's lips remain against yours for a few more seconds before he slowly pulls back, looking down at you, his soft gaze never leaving. He leans forward again, pressing one last kiss to your forehead before shifting back on his feet and standing up. He offers a hand, to which you take, and pulls you to stand as well.
He smiles at you, his fingers intertwining with yours. “Do you wanna go watch TV?” He offers, and you can't help but smile back. “Sure.” You accept happily.
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Hey! i'm new to the twst fandom, and i love ur work! is there any blogs like urs, that does art or writes /reader fics that u would recommend?? i'm trying to find some more to follow! thnx 💕
AAAGHGJJ THANK YOU SO SO MUCH THAT MEANS A LOT ANON 🥺💖
and welcome to twst fandom!! i hope you have fun during your stay and find the perfect corner of the twst fandom that is right for you!
also i'm so happy that you trusted me with recommendations??? 🥺🥺🥺
im not sure if you lean more into my general twst stuff (and by general i mean 99% jamil LMAO) or my oc x canon stuff
i guess i'll get you started with blogs that i personally like!! and i hope you can go from there, especially since i don't know what type of content you're particularly into 🙏
anyways i rambled on for too long ;; let me get to it below the cut:
(i'm not going to tag anyone i'm too shy and terrified so i'll just link to their profiles instead; also they are not recommended in a particular order)
(and if you see yourself here uhhh hi ily guys (platonically) 🫶🫶🫶)
(i wish i have the words right now to individually gush about each and every one of them but the brain is not brain-ing right now and i really shouldn't hold this ask hostage for too long 🙏)
/reader fics:
- natsukishinomiyaswife
- viperwhispered
- diodellet
- rooksamoris
- twstbookclub
- twstowo
- kalims
- yaksha-lover
art/ocxcanon:
- midnightmah07
- jovieinramshackle
- oya-oya-okay
- skriblee-ksk
- cheerleaderman
- boopshoops
- twstgo
- fell-fell
- egophiliac
- terristre
- thecoolsquirrel
- rizdoodls
- cheekinpermission
- flipppyflopp
- daily-trey
- medicine-san
- pointy-spiral
- mintmoth
- lico-arts
- offorestsongs
- 0honeybones0
- ashipiko
- r-aindr0p
honorable mention to these blogs too if you'd like to read info about twst in general!
- raven-at-the-writing-desk
- yuurei20
- mysteryshoptls
these are my admittedly not-100%-objective recommendations bc half of them are friends/mutuals and i genuinely enjoy their content <333 and i tend to particular about stuff that i like 😭
so like i said, i encourage you to look for others beyond the blogs that i recommend! and don't forget to have fun while you're in the fandom!! 💖💖💖
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There’ve been criticisms about Darry being too mean or too cruel in the musical, and I get where those people are coming from, but — and speaking as someone who hasn’t seen or listened to it but has listened to the soundtrack and follows the information account like the paper — I think this phenomenon stems from two things
First, on the side of the discussers, a lack of exposure to the musical as an actual piece of material instead of (occasionally very out of context) lines or screenshots. Obviously seeing the musical, even if one lived in New York, would be expensive as all get out, and even audios and boots are pretty hard to find for this show, but there are many details and contexts that change how lines on the page should be interpreted that simply cannot be gleaned through, well, lines on the page. As someone who has dabbled in acting & directing, and has spent time analyzing play texts in depth, delivery and direction can change everything. The entire sentiment of a line can be the opposite of what you’d expect if you took the line at face value, and unless that’s explicit in the stage directions, it can go unrealized if one is merely reading the script (which, as an aside, is exactly why I find analyzing play excerpts tricky — because without a performance or direction, scripts are often so ambiguous and versatile that they could go any way). And honestly, despite also being someone who unfortunately does not benefit from first hand knowledge of the musical, I feel like this is very evident in discussion of Darry in the show. For example, none of his lines in, say, Runs in the Family (Reprise) should be taken at face value, because if you’ve even listened to the song you can tell he’s completely spiralling and hitting a breaking point. This is a state that, historically, causes people to say things they’d never believe in real life. We’re not meant to believe Darry would ever walk out on his brothers, we’re meant to hear him talk about it and understand how deep of a breakdown he is having. As a less obvious example, from what people online have said, Darry spends the last twenty or so minutes of the musical in tears. Again, the things he says here aren’t necessarily the things he believes, or things that he’s expressing coolly or off-handedly because they line up 1:1 with his worldview, they’re things he says when he’s desperate and struggling and has no idea what the correct path is when his brother & responsibility has effectively been comatose since the deaths
Which brings me to my next point!
One of the most known things about the musical, even to people who aren’t very familiar with it, is that it goes more in-depth on Darry’s trials and tribulations, so to speak. He gets one solo at status quo, another (mostly) solo when he gets his breakdown, and a (mostly) duet in his own self-described darkest hour during Pony’s absence. All three of these songs go into detail about what his life is like and how much he’s been struggling, and even songs that aren’t about him emphasize this feature of his more than in the book: his description by Ponyboy in Tulsa ’67 & Great Expectations reminding the audience of his life’s path, his verse in GGAH making it clear that his life is a very different one with arguably more severe burdens compared to the other boys. Other than the three most important characters of the original narrative, he is now undoubtedly the most important and developed character — which makes sense in a musical format, because with the story of The Outsiders it would’ve been pretty much impossible to do a true ensemble cast other than the main three while doing any of them justice, especially if they’d kept Steve as a principle (rip king). But I digress. In my opinion, being clearer on Darry’s hardships actually gives the musical space to show him as saying crueller things, to have him make more mistakes and mess up worse. In the book, we’re clearly meant to sympathize with him by the end, but we only get Ponyboy’s infamously flawed and unreliable narration as the lense through which to view him. As such, if we went too hard into Darry messing up, while 3/4 of the book have Ponyboy going “yeah Darry’s a rock and doesn’t love me or anyone”, he ultimately would’ve come across a lot worse and a lot harder to “redeem” in the eyes of the reader (personally I never disliked him, but I’ve seen enough accounts of people who hated him on their first go at the story to know it is not an uncommon sentiment). He already slaps his brother and argues with him all the time; it would’ve been even more legwork to make him liked if he’d also been saying harsher things and making more mistakes. In the musical, however, we get that objective perspective that’s missing in the book. Ponyboy’s not narrating to us the lyrics of Throwing in the Towel, he’s not even present for the events of Throwing in the Towel! It’s a lot easier to understand and forgive mistakes if one is familiar with the psyche behind those mistakes, and the musical delivers that psyche to us at every turn. Because the audience understands Darry Curtis and how hard it is for him to hold on, the audience also has more understanding and forgiveness for when he’s spiralling. It’s also just a more specific proof of his plight — three songs with first-hand, emotionally explicit lyrics penetrate the uninvested understanding a lot easier than a second-party description of circumstances. Due to its nature and promotion of Darry’s importance, the musical simply gets more freedom to show an arguably more realistic version of him.
Also, I do believe that Darry in the musical is just that much closer to the edge than he is in the book, which is a valid character choice in an inherently emotional and transformative medium such as the musical adaptation 🤷🏻♀️
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