#I was convinced to be mentally Ill | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

autuboho · 3 months ago

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never heard word in my life, I’m probably research it later

i hate you "pair the spares"/"everyone must be paired" tropes, i hate you forced last minute romances, i hate you implication that a happy ending means a romantic partner, i hate you amatonormativity

#about complaints that anybody put on pedestal their girlfriends #I heard it many times #daily almost #first time I hear such word #all this time I thought I was mad and crazy #but it seems I am not only one #to think about it that way #thank god #everytime i was talking about friends can #have things you get from partner #when you are dating #or being in relationship #only and exclusively #everybody put me with shoulders on wall #every time I pulled out with my shit #there was a period of time #I was convinced to be mentally Ill #or having some psychological degradation #I was on the verge to lose my sanity #because in environment we live in #it’s considered against the norms of gravity #all this time #i was convicted it was gravity of reality #how things really works #an universal truth #now i realized it’s all part of the societal system #that implanted this shit on us #and i can see how unhealthy and harmful is #we definitely need to change perspective about love and relationship #amatonormativity

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melxhunter · 1 year ago

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I feel like there are a lot of people out there who needs to hear this:

If you dropped out of school because of diagnosed (or undiagnosed) ADHD, Autism, ADD, OCD, Dyslexia, Anxiety, Depression, Bipolar disorder, psychotic disorders, schizophrenia etc… You did not fail. The education system failed you.

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starry-bi-sky · 28 days ago

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on a completely separate note; shizun luo binghe with a disciple shen yuan who fell into the abyss??? *thinks about LBH canonically stealing SQQ's corpse for 5 years* he'd hallucinate i think. like, like visual and audial hallucinations.

Keeps thinking he's seeing SQQ in the corner of his eyes, or wandering between the trees, amongst a group of disciples. Thinks he hears him calling for him, but its just the wind or another disciple.

Gets Xiu Ya reforged but patently fucking refuses to make a sword mound. Because his disciple Is Not Dead :))) There was No Body. He's Not Dead. And If You keep Insisting That He Is, He's Gonna Skewer You :). He's holding onto Xiu Ya so he can return his most favored disciple's sword when he returns. It's on his hip right next to Zheng Yang where it's supposed to be.

Also this motherfucker?? does not sleep btw. He has the image of SQQ, wide eyed and hysterical and standing at the mouth of the abyss burned into his fucking eyelids. Can't use the dreamscape to escape it either because he keeps trying to save him and either he does and it's an incredibly cruel trick to wake up to, or he doesn't and he gets his heart broken in several different pieces again.

There is no convincing this man that Shen Qingqiu is dead. Absolutely nothing at all. He is buried so deep in denial that moles would be jealous of how deep he is. He keeps making tea for two in the bamboo house only to remember that it's just him. SQQ's fans are hiding everywhere, little reminders of his presence. He goes to wake up SQQ on the mornings he sleeps in-- only to find the room empty.

#svsss #luo binghe #svsss au #scum villain #scum villian self saving system #shen yuan #shen qingqiu #disciple shen yuan #lbh. visibly exhausted and with twitchy eyes: im fine :) | everyone else: ho no the fuck you ARENT.#SQQ was hysterical not because he found out LBH was half-demon but bc he was having a long-awaited mental breakdown over his autonomy :)#or (limited) lack thereof. he was having a sudden onset crisis of mortality and was handling at quite literally the WORST time. oops #im thinking very hard that LBH would never push his disciple into the abyss especially with no system to force him to. so SQQ either #had to goad him into it (failing always) or throw himself in. he ended up doing it himself but not before some very impressive hysterics.#BUT ALSO. IF THIS HAD BEEN WHERE SQQ WAS THE HALF-HEAVENLY DEMON INSTEAD IT WOULD'VE BEEN SO GREAT.#and by great i mean horribly angsty bc SQQ is NOT doing too hot and has. in very SY-like fashion. convinced himself that LBH will kill him #when he finds out he's a demon. so when it comes out i have this mental image of him lunging at LBH and LBH flinches back. but SQQ wraps hi #hands around the blade of Zheng Yang and yanks it up so the tip of the blade is digging into his chest where is heart is. LBH can't yank th #sword away without risking slicing into SQQ's hands. SQQ's hair has fallen out of its tail/bun and is now messily spilling down his #back and its NO helping the kinda deranged look he has going on. he's visibly shaking and his eyes keep flittering away and back at LBH's #face. SQQ is looking at the messages from the system warning him that he has to go into the abyss or punishment will occur. he's like.#rambling though. talking about how shizun doesn't *like* unclean things and there is nothing more unclean than a demon. like he is #INSISTING. LBH can't?? get a fucking word in. actually. SY isn't listening that much either anyways. too overwhelmed with the system and #the amount of stress he's under and his crumbling mental state and the innate and primal desire to live even when he's standing in front of #his own executioner. it all ends with him sitting on the ground at the lip of the abyss with his hair falling in his face. he looks so #unkempt and fallen apart and so distinctly *non-Shen Qingqiu* that LBH feels physically ill over it. tears are streaming down SQQ's face #and despite everything he is smiling. its not a nice smile. its a very frayed falling apart at the seams about to crack smile.#he tells shizun not to worry about staining his blade with this disciple's filthy blood because this disciple will take care of it himself.#and then he falls into the abyss before luo binghe can so much as grab him. the only reason LBh doesn't literally jump in after him is bc #he was numb with shock and the abyss was already closed before he could feel his legs again :]

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lotus-pear · 1 year ago

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dazai stop rizzing up the enemy challenge go!!

#i'm convinced the whole meursault arc is just a massive hangover dream fabricated by dazai💀#when your friend group is small but you're all gay and mentally ill #literally all i could think about watching dazai waltz around with sigma and flirting with him nonstop was fyo and chuuya just going :/#while watching them through the security cameras #honestly they slayed sokouku could never #no better way to spend your last thirty minutes alive than ballroom dancing with the enemy against their will #dazai and sigma's interactions are the only thing keeping bsd fans (me) sane atp #bungo stray dogs #bungou stray dogs #bsd #dazai osamu #sigma bsd #nakahara chuuya #fyodor dostoevsky #sigzai #soukoku #skk #lotus draws

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the-knife-consumer · 1 month ago

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Bill is the villain of the series. Not Mabel. Not ford. BILL. oh my god. If I see one more post pinning literally everything on Ford I'm going to lose my mind. And before it was Ford it was Mabel. Mabel was a little girl terrified of growing up who got tricked by BILL pretending to be someone else. She didn't make a deal with him she got tricked (and even if she did?? Literal twelve year old she's just a kid). Also yeah ford did a bunch of horrible shit because BILL fucked with his head. Bill MADE him trust no one and isolate himself. Mabel and ford are not the bad guys the BAD GUY IS THE BAD GUY. SCREAMS AND RUNS AROUND IN CIRCLES. COME ONNNNNMN

#YALL WILL DO ANYTHING GO BABY THAT DAMN TRIANGLE. SORRY.#and i could go into ford being written as an abuse victim and bill the abuser. but i wont. to spare myself. The victim blaming is CRAZYYY #yeah the stuff ford did was bad and honestly i have no fucking idea why mcgucket firgave him at ALL. but also. bill convinced him #that literally everyone was out to betray or KILL him. he answers the door with a crossbow. he was very obviously not mentally well #whatever #and m not even going to rant about how Mabel was treated before everyone moved onto ford ill get too mad. gahhhhhh #*to #it just. it can not be that hard to understand that the villain is the villain. come on.

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dagwmeno · 6 months ago

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ummmmmm some killer x dust would be awesom..

Ding ding food is served!! Eat up!!

#bittensketches #utmv #dust sans #killer sans #kist #dustkiller #I'll never be able to draw dust properly im convinced at this point #I've accepted my fate #also idk why but I've never managed to ship dust with anyone romantically #like #I wouldn't say he's romantically repulsed but he's just not interested #he prefers kissing the homies #sometimes #hc that the bad sanses are in a poly queerplatonic relationship #and they're supporting eachother mentally as best as they can #they're mentally ill but they have eachother #I'm gonna stop the ramble here teehee enjoy the kist

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ink-the-artist · 2 years ago

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I am so curious if anyone else does this, one of the most useful things I do when making art is being stupidly overconfident almost deluding myself, like if throughout the entire process I completely convince myself I can pull off whatever it is I’m trying to do, even if it’s something beyond my skill level that I naturally don’t end up reaching at the end, the end result comes out better than I expect even when it doesn’t look like what I was going for. I don’t rly know how to properly explain this but I’ve been doing it all my life and it’s probably one of the funniest mental processes I go through when making art

#you would think this leads to feelings of disappointment when the end result doesn’t meet my lofty goals but it doesn’t #idk how it works #I mentioned this in an art class once related to a conversation I can’t remember now #no one related 😭#I will convince myself I can do this super impressive thing beyond my abilities #and hold onto that delusion the entire time im working #and of course the outcome isn’t that I actually achieve this impressive thing #but the outcome is often better than I would’ve expected when looking at it at the end no longer in the overconfident delusional headspace #I think I have a mental illness

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wolfythewitch · 2 years ago

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please talk about cheek kissing and yearning please I wanna hear about it

OKAY SO

I live and die by cheek kissing okay it's about the yearning

Now. I'm not going to Admit that the post was about Judas this is purely hypothetical But as someone who's had an entire conversation about betrayal and unrequited love, it's about damning the two of us, it's about sending you to your death and inevitably, me to mine. My last touch will not be on your lips, not while I use my own to bloody your name. It will be on your cheek, where tears will pass over when they fall, and where blood will stream from your crown of thorns, where sunlight withdrew her touch as the veil tears in two

I am your betrayer and your lover both

#jiksvokrat #this is me being mentally ill over any touch that is not directly on the lips #you can also do the lips theres intimacy in that #but my friend has convinced me that jesus and john is the endgame so i stand by that #wolfy tedtalks #hypothetically of course #the post could have been about anyone really

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decaf-mother · 1 year ago

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My toxic trait is I think fictional characters can fix me.

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noiseemaster · 7 months ago

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bro thinks hes rattlesnake jake ! ( antagonist starlo take )

hes been on twitter for a while but i figured i can put him on here too now i guess . i forgot to design the feisty fourbut theyd have fun designs too . im not all that into uty anymore but maybe ill try and design somefin for them later !

doodl es . i guess . smiles !

#he bites his lip when hes anxious and cuts it a lot onhis own fnags #hes a rattlesnake kind of . but he lost his rattle .#he convinced blackjack to make him the gatling gun tail .#to indulge in his own mental illness .#i think the best way i could explain the differnece between him and starlo is like #starlo watched rango and latched onto rango . shooting star watched rango and latched onto rattlesnake jake #theyre basically the same guy personality wise neither are very serious #sterotypical art tag #undertale yellow starlo #starlo uty #starlo #starlo undertale yellow #undertale yellow #uty #uty starlo #antag!starlo #the tail is a gatling gun btw dont ask me how it works but he primarily uses that to shoot . maybe magic bullets ?#i think he changes his clothes everytime he goesoffscreen to be red/blue and nobody ever points it out

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coconut-mamaa · 16 days ago

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#selfies from the last month #somewhere a long the way I stopped appreciating myself #for existing and living and pushing through #convinced myself that no one cares #when beautiful confident and brave influencers exists everywhere #isn’t that silly?#mental illness babes #coconut-mamaa

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cometzombie · 14 days ago

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Man I already wanted to fuck Santa Claus this is just unfair

@jjmk-jjmk

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lotus-pear · 1 year ago

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what is childe doing in bungou gay dogs😟

#finally finished reading this manga after it sat on my to read list for a couple years #a good friend finally convinced me into reading it and i buckled and read the whole thing in three days (i'm not ok <33)#anyway she neglected to tell me childe was in it otherwise i would have read it sooner!!!!!!#NO NO HEAR ME OUT #murder gingers with dead blue eyes that are part of dark antagonistic organizations and happen to be executives in said organizations #relatively similar color palette and cocky confident personalities that are instantly shed when in the heat of battle #tragic pasts where both were mercilessly tormented until salvation occurred in the form of an invitation to their respective organizations #childe has so many siblings that one of them left and infiltrated another anime #i better not see any chuuya stans @ me in the tags and be like ''stop comparing zhongli's wallet to my pookie chuuya''#i will fuck you up #i'm so sry to anyone who actually sat and read all the tags im so mentally ill abt this mf i can talk about him for hrs if given the chance #bungou stray dogs #bungo stray dogs #bsd #chuuya nakahara #nakahara chuuya #lotus draws

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lord-shitbox · 3 months ago

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Bite/Bark loredump post !!!!

hit the unfortunate 25k word milestone in the slideshow I have for their lore so to celebrate. I will post an assortment of things from it. to start, here is the playlist I keep for them.

mentions of sex/drinking/drugs etc in here. also LONG POST WATCH OUT! anyway @sbuns69 & @vistrology wished to be notified when I posted this! hi guys :D

OKAY EXPOSITION OVER. SCENE IDEAS AND RANDOM BULLSHIT GO!!!!!!

(some context for the last one above: vampire spit has chemicals in it that numb pain & also Feel Good, so getting bitten is pretty enjoyable, though the extent to which it's effective varies — depends on the physical compatibility between both parties. it's also been noted that blood often tastes extra good if the compatibility is high)

#bite/bark #shitboxposting #email convinced me to upload the worldbuilding stuff for vampires & werewolves separately so ill do that some other time. have posted most #of that already i think #done some Quick Mental Maths i think this is about a third of the total slideshow. it may be like 10k words? not gonna bother to count

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ciderjacks · 6 months ago

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ocd is weird bc I definitely still have it, I just got really good at identifying it and shutting it down. Like I was taking down a gross medical sticker on my wall that for some reason I stuck up there last year, and my brain was like “no don’t do it. You’ll die if you do that” so I put it back on and my brain was like “or…maybe life will get way better if you take if off. And if you leave it life will get worse. Want to make that choice” and I was like really stumped over it, then suddenly I was like ohhhhh ocd you tricky devil… and tore the sticker off. I go thru this exact experience about thrice a week.

#ocd #Just a peek into my twisted mind……#Jokes aside ik this probably still sounds weird and mentally ill #But trust me on this #It’s way better than it sounds #At least comparatively #Back in 2020 I literally didn’t piss for 2 days because I thought pissing would cause the world to end #Like me at 15 was legit contemplating suicide bc it got to a point where I couldn’t even move #Without being convinced it would end the world #So all I could do was just lay in bed and I couldn’t grab my phone either bc that would also end the world I guess #Couldn’t blink freely had to do like one blink two fast blinks one slow blink #Damn just remembering how much it tormented me before I got a handle on it is actually pissing me tf off Wtf #Fuck ocd I fucking hate ocd #I’m so glad I outsmarted it #Shit was easy too #Bc the way my ocd worked was it was just completely spontaneous #There were certain patterns especially w numbers (like I couldn’t interact w the numbers 6 or 4)#But for the most part it was just whatever my brain decided was bad in that exact moment #Which was why it got as bad as it did so quickly #But that was also why I was able to go “ok well if I obey any compulsion all my fears will come true”#And that WORKED #IT WORKED FUCKING PERFECTLY #SO FUCKING DUMB #who even needs therapy I’m fucking Mr. Mental health. Fuck uou #tw compulsions #tw ocd #tw sui mention #< sui mention is in tags

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skrunksthatwunk · 5 months ago

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ok soooo im like 5 episodes into dear brother and i need you guys to know how much i love rei so far if only for her staggering around like a rain-soaked stray dog just haggard and unseeing all the time. like we know very little about her thus far except that every scene she's in she steals the show by flopping and wilting all over the frame

#just like me fr perhaps #dear brother #oniisama e #idk what it is but shes so intriguing. mysterious shit-untogether lady #also i love everyone's beef so far like im completely hooked on the drama as camp as it usually is #like went OHH SHIT the second i found out the big three were on bad terms like ouhhh theyre fightinggg #and minako is profoundly real. the video essay that convinced me to watch this mentioned her encapsulation of quote #'every bpd feeling ive ever had' and as an outsider that seems right #school full of girls to study under a magnifying glass like bugs. girlbugs #this is an era of shojo im not very familiar with (ok ig all eras are like that but my knowledge of 70s shojo is like.#ok rose of vsailles over here and that tennis thing's over there and uh. yeah thats it)#and yeah ik the anime's from the 90s but it appears. to me. pretty married to more 70s aesthetics at least #ANYWAY kaoru ily we need a butch failgirl to shout these girls into line and shes balling too btw no way #and minako ily you're extremely real and a scene stealer and i need you to beat more girls up #nanoko im leering over your shoulder like a little shoulder devil bc i want you to be worse and im suspecting you're getting there #oh i forgot to say this part but i keep comparing it to utena #no one ive seen brings up db in their utena analyses as an influence so i have to wonder if 1) this is just more obscure #(if only for the western video essayists im watching) or 2) they share other common ancestry im not familiar with #once again i gotta watch rose of vrsailles for brserk reasons but also now bc of this #she's important she's influential etc etc #anyway yeah excited to get back to the mentally ill girl variety hour ✌️✌️#asuka rei #<- I FORGOT TO TAG IT WITH HER 😫😫😫

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