#I was also not informed of the he/they pronouns being happening since many years which I am equally offended by

[dkettchen]

hi yes why was I not informed of gerard way mcr in vintage cheerleader, nurse and various other skirt/dress outfits/cosplay of specific women on tour before I made my men's skirts tier list video, google???

[manicpixiefelix]

and other things that happened by the red staircase

{ One-Shot for head, heart, hand. }

Summary: Like with all events at Saltburn, you take great care to learn all you can about the guests for the upcoming Catton Family Reunion, to make sure you can make a good impression. You and Venetia, however, discover that Felix may be making too good of an impression on his recently un-estranged cousin.

Need to Know: They/Them. Explicitly NB Reader. FWB!Reader/Felix. Reader is from a well off family but has pretty much been adopted by the Cattons.

Warnings: felix fingering(/possibly going down on) his cousin but its not super explicit, reader having a social anxiety regarding the social event, venetia being kind of a nasty little perv i love her

A/N: 3841 words. this was meant to just be a little something about venetia and reader teasing felix after finding out he accidentally fingered his cousin, something i could write on my phone before bed. which i did but i didn't stop writing for 4 hours and it became too long for just an answer. also because there's a bunch of catton family lore ive invented and put it all in here.

also before any discourse arises, there's a character briefly mentioned here, Marv, who is an old butch lesbian who uses he/him pronouns. he is not trans, but chooses to use he/him, look into queer history if this bugs you, or go outside and off of my blog. you're reading the writing of an agender it/its lesbian, my blog is not a place for queer discourse, it's a place for being freaks about Jacob Elordi and Barry Keoghan.

TAGLIST IN COMMENTS!! // TAGLIST ALWAYS OPEN ! (just message or comment to be added)

----

It's been a particularly stressful event for you; so much of Felix's family is in attendance and you're desperate to impress them. It had been called a reunion, but nothing at Saltburn was ever so simple, nor so informal. As always you've prepared ahead of time; Duncan and Elspeth, as they always did, walked you briefly through the guest list, however unlike usual, instead of leaving you alone with the detailed dossier of guests, Elspeth herself had sat with you in one of the numerous studies - the lilac one - and gone through in meticulous detail. The family friends they refer to as cousins, the family they refuse to acknowledge beyond a handshake - and why. All the Catton branches and the gossip that haunts each. Things like how it's the first event in ten years that Sir James' estranged, illegitimate half-sister and her family were invited to. She's laughing, and you act like your nerves aren't on fire, like there isn't bile rising in your throat out of fear of the faux pars you could see on the horizon.

"Oh they're going to love you, darling," she assures. The minute she leaves you start nervous crying over the dossier, which quickly becomes an anxiety attack. It's been a very long time, especially since they'd kindly set up this system to alleviate your known anxieties, that you'd been this afraid of a dinner.

None of them can know.

You're almost eighteen, you're meant to be well past this, meant to have learned to cope with it by now.

On the night of the event, Farleigh's the only one looking as queasy as you feel - the family's pitying looks and grating questions have him going for a smoke break almost every five minutes. Still, Venetia's never without a drink in hand despite her mother's disapproving looks, and Felix is nowhere to be seen. At least at this family affair there's a number of people your own age. Many related, but many not - more friends of the family, or illegitimate offspring. Still, you don't want to put your preparations to waste, want to make a good impression.

There's mean laughter from by the fireplace as you find yourself in conversation with Sir James and his second cousin Barty, praising the man for his recent and lucrative foray into financially supporting broadcast television. James gives you and incredibly surprised and approving look, while Barty lights up with delight, claiming that there was hope for the young after all it seemed. Casting a glance to the fireplace, you see a few mean looking teens all watching you with sneers.

Barty asks how you found yourself here, and James pats you on the back before you can answer, claiming you as one of the wards of Saltburn; a good influence on his dear son, Felix. Pride flares in your chest. But you can still hear the teens call you a freak.

Its taking everything in you to not try and find sanctuary in the company of Felix, Venetia, or Farleigh. Its incredibly tempting, considering the abundance of desperate eye contact you and Farleigh especially are sharing, but you worry that if you don't keep face, don't put your information to use, don't remain visible to everyone in the room who you've convinced yourself are even tangibly related to Felix and his immediate family, every single one of them will hate you.

One day you will reckon with how profoundly your upbringing effected the expectations you place on yourself. Today is not that day. So you smile at Mildred Catton - by marriage, second cousin, young widow and now spinster. Well, she has a girlfriend, judging by the way Elspeth had spoken about her roommate of twenty-five years, and she has a kind and knowing smile as she compliments you - so beautiful, what a handsome young thing you are, oh you do remind me of Marv like this, back when we first met, of that's cute, you'd love him. Marv is short for Marvel Elizabeth, the butch woman who lives with Mildred and runs a bike shop and who you'd spent probably too much time looking at in the dossier, his arm around Mildred in her photo, both of them smiling so wide.

You kind of wish he was here. When you share the sentiment, Mildred looks a little crestfallen; you get the impression that not a lot of the Cattons share your feeling.

Still, talking to Mildred helps ease your nerves considerably. At least until you realise that it's been quite some time since you'd seen Felix.

You don't need him at all times... Don't need to know his whereabouts at every second of every day... But you've found yourself trapped in a conversation with a gaggle of the newer, younger, shinier wives of Felix's various uncles-something-times-removed, and one hadn't been updated in the dossier and you greeted her as the wife she'd replaced. So now you're mortified, like a deer in the headlights as they're all judging you, and you know you're on the verge of panicking or throwing up -

"Need to steal our lovely Y/N for a moment," Venetia, your saviour. She slips an arm in yours and doesn't wait for an answer.

"Venetia, dear -" Christie, owner of a failing fragrance business that she desperately doesn't want people to know is failing, but that her husband had drunkenly, forlornly confessed about to Sir James, barely get two truly disdainful words in before Venetia brightly throws over her shoulder -

"Love your dress, matches your roots, talk later Auntie Chris," and you can only imagine the flustered fury on Christie's face as the other women try not to compare the dark dress to the woman's dark roots peeking through her blonde hair. You, however, are gone speechless in your nauseous panic, and press yourself to Venetia's side as she pulls you through the crowd, "you looked about ready to kill yourself like one of those dishonoured samurai," she says quietly but casually.

"Yeah, that was the rough plan," you managed to joke weakly. Your heart was racing; you hated being like this. It takes you a moment to properly focus back in on the moment, and realise Venetia was dragging you along with considerable purpose, "are you okay?"

"I need your robot brain to help me decide if something's funny or just gross."

"My robot brain?"

"You know everyone here because - and I say this with love - you're a freak about these things-"

"Didn't know Iona," you muttered, once again horrified, gaze going glassy as all you can think about is how you called her Misha. Her husband had a type; models from northern countries and very little sense of humour, it seemed. Venetia snapped her fingers in your face, frowning, keeping your mind from wandering too far.

"They got married a month ago, you probably won't even see her again," she rolled her eyes, taking you by the shoulders, leading you from the main entertaining area towards the main parlous, "but the point is, I know we refer to everyone as Aunt or Uncle or Cousin or whatever, but I'm not even actually at all related to like half of them," Venetia pauses, looking at you very seriously, "but you know the difference, right? Like if I pointed to someone, you'd know how exactly they're here?"

"Uh, yeah, of course," it's who you were, it's what you did, "don't you?"

"Not," she visibly hesitates, gaze shifting to look around the room, "not really," she admits, they're all just, you know, family. There's always been too many to bother with the how or why of any of them, unless mum or dad felt it was important for me and Felix to keep in mind specifically," but after a beat she met your gaze with a wolfish grin, "or if it was particularly scandalous." Okay, you think you're starting to get her intentions.

"So who are you wondering about and why?"

The way Venetia was smiling could not possibly mean anything good.

"So," Venetia took you by the shoulders and steered you through the grand foyer towards the stairs, as if on her way to yours or Felix's room. Her voice had gotten quieter, conspiratorial, "I've been watching this unfold all night," she explains gleefully, "and I did think it was rather bold to be looking to get someone in bed at a family reunion, though I supposed that there is a good chance that they're not even related; as we've discussed, family is a rather loose, fond title for many of them here tonight," she's choosing her words incredibly carefully, skirting around her point for dramatic effect, "and," she stops in the doorway by the red staircase; you think you can hear faint moaning not too far away. Venetia's voice is a whisper, "I wanted to give the benefit of the doubt, considering I'm pretty sure I've actually never seen this girl in my life, so I can't say who she belongs to here."

Around the corner there's an attempt at a shushing that sounds more masculine, judging by the whisper of laughter that accompanies it, and a young woman's giggled apology, followed by a breathy gasp, and the faint sound of wood scraping against the marble floor. You and Venetia peer around the corner like the Hardy boys, you ducking down and her leaning over you.

The girl in question is leaning back against the antique, wooden end table at the end of the short hall, head throw back, chest heaving with wanton breathes. Wearing a flowing, green dress that looked almost like silk, but was clearly rayon when you had seen her up close earlier, you knew immediately who she was. More importantly, you were surprised to see someone in a suit on their knees in front of her, beneath her dress.

Alyssa Morelli has seemed absolutely out of her mind with boredom and disdain for this entire affair in the brief few moments you'd spent with her. Like you she was seventeen, and was the eldest daughter of Sir James' estranged half sister. Having barely any information about her, and also trying to focus on not losing your cool regarding that fact, it had made conversation, at least for you, incredibly difficult.

She hated the wine, hated her mother for dragging her along, hated the way rich people talked about nothing, and thought everything about Saltburn, the Cattons, and the entire night was a frivolous display of meaningless excess and wealth. Rich people are such freaks, she'd told you, with a look that clearly said that includes you, and she's finished another glass of champagne with one large gulp and a shudder. For a long moment you'd looked at her - perhaps you could have been a little less unnerving about it, but she'd caught you off guard - as you tried to think of something to say.

"I think you'd thrive at university," you blurt out. She gives you a look like you were some kind of unpleasant bug, having the audacity to continue speaking to her. One of the staff passes with a tray of more champagne, and you pluck two glasses off, handing one to her as you continued, "however I would be fascinated to hear your thoughts on the way our classicist society prioritises and celebrates formal tertiary education" you let your gaze roam, holding your glass in both hands with the tips of your fingers, a dead giveaway of your nerves without you even realising, but for some reason she's still letting you talk, "and the idea of the pursuit of knowledge without that being a financially sustainable life choice anymore if you do it the wrong way. Why celebrate scientists when we just disregard modern philosophers?" You take a sip of your champagne and try and tell yourself to shut up, "I know the answer's 'because you can't profit off of philosophers as easily as you can scientists', but it just kind of sucks, don't you think?"

A long, uncomfortable silence follows.

"I swear at least Felix, Farleigh, and Venetia aren't freaks," you blurted out. Alyssa's shoulders relaxed just a little. At least you were self aware.

"Who?" Its... less hostile. You point out Felix and Farleigh headed out for a cigarette with a few others around your age, and Alyssa sighs, rolling her eyes. She's still clearly got Catton blood in her, her eyes and nose even remind you of Venetia. Still, she headed towards the side door; even her walk seemed to ooze contempt for the night.

Now, watching her, moonlight peaking down the stairs to catch the way she's beginning to glow with sweat, white-knuckled grip on the dark wood and her once perfectly straight, dark hair turning curly with moisture around her face and by her shoulders, you're actually a little glad to see it. At least she seemed to have found one person not entirely unbearable.

You knew all too well how overwhelming and isolating these events could be. As much as you felt you could relate, you couldn't really understand what she'd be going through, her first time at an event like this, feeling that there's people in the room who truly think you and your family outright don't belong. She should take her fun where she can get it, you think.

Shoving Venetia back to give the couple their privacy, you push her back into the parlour.

"Who is that?" Venetia demanded in a whisper, eyes bright. You sigh, shaking your head.

"Alyssa, she hasn't been to something like this before, just let her have her fun," after a beat, you step in a little closer, hands finding Venetia's hips as you attempted to distract her, "you know we could -"

"Alyssa who?" It hasn't worked. Venetia takes your hands, "this is important." There's something that goes beyond mischief in her eyes.

"Morelli," but she makes a face like that's not enough, "Aunt June's daughter." Venetia frowned.

"Aunt June's daughter married one of those Dubai millionaires five years ago and hasn't sent her a single pound or even a message since."

"That's your Great Aunt June- Juniper," you clarified without missing a beat, "she's not even related to any of you; your mum doesn't know who she was initially tied to in the family." Venetia takes a few moments to give you a look of faint, disbelieving awe. Clearing your throat, you looked back over your shoulder as the suggestive noises around the corner were growing louder, "Estranged Aunt June."

Venetia's eyes lit up with what could only be described as malevolent glee.

"So she's my cousin."

"Yes."

"Actually? Blood and all? Not just one of my uncles' weird friends who's been hanging around for decades so now we have to call them family?"

"I'm beginning to get afraid of your intentions, Ven," despite your wary smile, you weren't really joking. Venetia completely disregards this, however, holding your shoulders so tightly it begins to hurt.

"That girl," she points sharply, the kind of intensity in her eyes that absolutely means trouble, "just around the corner, moaning like a whore, getting fingered, tongued, whatever -" she wets her lips in some kind of anticipation, "is my actual, blood related cousin? And you're entirely sure of that?"

Taking a deep breath, unsure of what the repercussions of this all will be, you slowly nod.

"Yes..."

Venetia steps back, has to clap her hands over her mouth to muffle her positively gleeful laughter. For some unexpected reason, this piece of information seems to be some of the best news she's ever received in her life. It almost brings her to tears. After she calms down, you think you hear her mutter something along the lines of I'm never letting him live this down as she fans herself, attempting to calm herself.

"Ven, are you okay?" Still utterly confused about what any of this means, you can't help the concern you feel. Venetia's nodding, fighting back aftershocks of giggles, gazing often at the doorway.

"Yes, I- you're wonderful, thank you for helping me with that-" overcome by another, brief fit of giggles, it takes her a moment to compose herself, "I love you and your robot brain so very dearly -"

"Oh my god~" from around the corner, and another, louder shush. Venetia buries her face in her hands, echoing oh my god as she chokes on laughter once more. When she resurfaces, face bright red with amusement, you take her hand and try to insist that you should give them privacy.

"Yes, of course," Venetia agrees, suddenly trying to appear as serious as she's able, "I just have one other favour to ask you."

"What?" You ask flatly, unsurprisingly wary, watching her struggle not to grin.

"Could you tell my brother?"

The question hangs in the air for a long, confusing moment.

"Tell him what?"

"That Alyssa's our cousin."

"Sure...?" you frowned a little, peering over her shoulders, "I don't know where he is though, I haven't seen him in a while." Venetia smiles like the Cheshire Cat.

Oh... no... she isn't implying -? But Alyssa's timing is unfortunately perfect.

"Oh my god, Felix~"

Your mouth drops open in shock upon hearing that.

"Oh my God," you groaned, pained by the realisation as your face scrunched up with sudden understanding and disappointment, "Felix."

Venetia is absolutely right, he's never living this down.

"You had me prattling on for fucking ages about nothing, just letting them go at it all the while? You could have just asked!" You hissed, already mortified on his behalf.

"You're letting them go at it now!" She crowed quietly, and ah, fuck. Yeah, she had a point there.

Rounding the corner briskly, you cross your arms but at the very least keep your gaze to the floor.

"Felix -" you clear your throat.

"Oh, fuck off," Alyssa, seeing it's you, groans with frustration. There's movement beneath her dress when you glance up; there's something almost comical about knowing what you're seeing is Felix sitting up straighter under there.

"I know that's you, Y/N," Felix had enough dignity to not sound ashamed or caught out. But he should, "just, yeah mate, could you fuck off a bit?" Its not a particularly sharp request, and if this were any other situation, of course you'd obligingly fuck off. However...

"Well don't fucking stop," Alyssa hisses to him, sounding almost embarrassed by the fact that he was giving you the time of day right now, "seriously, fuck off!" She tries to whisper-shout, but halfway through her voice turns to an unsteady moan and her head falls back against the wall again, "OhmygodFelix~" she whines, bringing one of her legs up over his shoulder.

"So should I wait until after you get her off to tell you?"

"Tell him what you little pervert?" Alyssa, furious at your refusal to leave, demands.

"Hey, be nice to them," you hear, vaguely muffled from under her skirt. You have to snort a laugh.

"Thanks Fi, I'll just tell you now, uh," you can't look at them in this moment, fighting off your embarrassed smile at you look to the ceiling, "I don't think this is what your dad meant when he suggested you get to know Aunt June's kids; this might be too welcoming for your recently un-estranged cousin."

Around the corner you hear Venetia cackling like a banshee, clearly having been eavesdropping.

Felix scrambles back from under Alyssa's dress, looking an absolute mess.

"You what?"

"Oh my god." There's nothing lewd about it this time, Alyssa herself sounds absolutely fucking mortified.

----

The next morning, over breakfast, the mood is... strained. Its Sir James who breaks the ice, brightly - though it's clearly forced - commenting on how the night took such an unexpected and unfortunate turn. Felix, who likely doesn't even remember the end of the night considering how thoroughly plastered he got after his unfortunate affair with his cousin, looks to his father very suddenly, the sudden fear in his eyes about what his parents may know hidden by his large, dark glasses. He'd threatened to drown himself in the lake if you or Venetia told anyone, but his memory got fuzzy from there. The hangover that he's half worried might actually kill him doesn't help.

"Such a shame," Elspeth sighed, "I would have thought June would raise them better than that."

"Estranged Aunt June's daughter, Alyssa," you leaned over to Felix to stage whisper the context to him, half worried the paranoia might kill him there at the table. Venetia does however feel the need to smugly butt in and remind him -

"Our biological cousin."

"Apparently convinced her younger brothers to riot and start breaking all the crockery," you finished. Felix frowned in vague confusion, a feeling which Farleigh seemed to share.

"And it was so unnecessary, like she knew it was the first family thing her mom had been invited to in a decade -"

"She hates rich people and thinks we're freaks," you sat back, shrugging, "she told me so herself."

"Who, June?" Sir James sounded downright heartbroken at the idea, so you quickly shook your head.

"Alyssa." It seems to alleviate some of his concerns, but not a lot, and Sir James goes back to his breakfast still looking rather put out.

"Well maybe," Venetia leans her elbows on the table, bread knife in hand that she was using to flippantly gesture with, "there's some rich people that she should hate," her gaze and smug smile lands on you, as does the nonchalant way she's pointing with her knife, right before she flicks her wrist as if pointing at her brother by pure chance, "and some of us who are freaks."

Felix glared down at his breakfast.

"I don't know why we un-estranged Aunt June in the first place," he grumbled mostly to himself, though not quiet enough that the rest of the table didn't hear. Sir James sighed with disappointment.

"I think in future we may have to limit June's invitations to only her and her husband," he says, shaking his head. Elspeth kindly tells him that it's probably for the best.

Venetia, still apparently feeling petty, threw a bread roll at her brother, who hadn't looked up from where he seemed to be trying to divine life's secrets from his plate of sausages. It glances off his forehead, but knocks his glasses loose and into his breakfast. A second later Felix officially gives up and follows suit, faceplanting into his food.

"Oh my god, Felix!" His mother gasps with concern.

Despite Elspeth sounding nothing like Alyssa had the night before, the familiar phrase sets Venetia off, cackling with laughter at the top of her lungs. While the rest of the table is utterly confused by the series of events that have just occurred, you scoot your chair over close to Felix, patting him sympathetically on the back. Beneath the table, he rests his hand on your knee to give a grateful squeeze. When he talks, only you can hear it, resigned and half muffled by scrambled eggs.

"Hate this family."

[homestuckreplay]

Webcomics at Day 100 #8: El Goonish Shive

Pages read: 1/21/2002 – 12/27/2002 & 4/14/2009 – 12/29/2009; about 300 pages (including author’s commentary)

Reason for selection: To be honest I just wanted to read it. It’s best known for its real-time exploration of transgender themes via science fiction technology as author Dan Shive (along with many others on the internet) explores his personal experience with gender.

Current status: Ongoing since 2002 with no major hiatuses; update schedule has varied but is currently three times a week for the main comic.

Content warnings: nonconsensual gender transformations, non-explicit sexual themes with 16-17 year old characters, cultural appropriation (Japanese language; dreamcatchers), period typical sexism and homophobia (early strips only)

Note: To the best of my understanding, Dan Shive uses he/him pronouns, but if anyone has a recent source stating otherwise please let me know and I’ll revise this post.

Overall thoughts:

‘And then Susan was all like "I am NOT your strawman", hit me with a hammer, and developed into one of my most favoritist characters ever in anything.’ (Commentary for 5/29/2002)

On August 1, 2014, as part of a Patreon goal, Dan Shive began going through the archives of his already long running webcomic, adding author’s commentary to early strips. In the twelve years between making and commenting on his 2002 comics, Shive has gone from being a teenager with no formal artistic experience who’s absorbed the sexist attitudes of his culture, to an experienced artist and writer with a vision for his project and an honesty about his process who’s ready to be both excited and critical about his early work.

Shive states several times that his commentary isn’t designed to be read on a first read of EGS, but I personally disagree. Around May 2002 in the archives, I realized I was reading for the extremely compelling commentary and not the then-fairly mediocre comic. Shive’s clear excitement for future storylines and regular references to his improvement as an artist and person gave me the drive to keep reading, knowing the upward journey ahead of me. The commentary also provides an alternate, twisting path through the narrative, frequently linking back to previous comics when they’re relevant to help the reader notice foreshadowing and continuity, which is really helpful for a new reader taking in lots of information at once – and I like seeing an author clearly proud of himself for his hard work foreshadowing, where some creators might be dismissive of the feat or ignore it altogether.

EGS – named for the ‘goons’ hired by supervillains - begins by focusing on regular(ish) high schoolers Tedd, Elliot and Sarah, and top-secret lab experiment squirrelgirl Grace. Tedd has a mad science laboratory in his home where he creates questionable technology, including a laser gun that can change the target’s species and biological sex. The characters form relationships and experiment with this technology. When Elliot gets ‘stuck’ in a female form, an adventure to restore his original form ends in his male and female forms becoming two separate entities, after which point Ellen, the female version, explores her existence as essentially the human form of Elliot’s removed curse, and achieves self-actualization while fighting a giant pile of goo.

Ellen’s identity exploration in October 2002 was when I began to connect emotionally with the comic itself, and I started noticing improvement in the art in November. Shive improves massively in the first year, and even he’s surprised by it – a character casually mentions that he’s gay in June 2002, and Shive’s commentary says that he doesn’t remember this happening so early. 2002’s ‘Sister’ arc, which runs for around nine months, uses a board game metaphor to describe the story beats – it’s a little clunky in places, but I like what it’s going for. By 2009, Shive is far more confident with complex emotional arcs, and with balancing serious/comedic and magic/realist elements in his story, which can only come from those first efforts to improve.

‘You look in the mirror, but someone else looks back. You remember a life you never had, one that cannot be yours. You are the piece that does not fit, you don’t belong in this game. The board has been knocked over, you shall be swept away…’ (Strip title (!!) for 10/02/2002)

Shive is an anime fan and former martial artist, and the comic assumes a knowledge of anime – especially anime fight scenes – that I just don’t have. However, Shive is good at citing his influences, mentioning Ranma ½, Dragon Ball Z, Pokemon and The X-Files as inspiring specific choices, among others. With the exception of an excruciating ‘how dare you not get that reference’ in-comic moment in June 2009, knowledge of Shive’s influences isn’t necessary to enjoy EGS; he’s just giving credit where it’s due.

EGS begins with a typical newspaper format – a horizontal black and white four-panel strip, with a full color A4 strip on Sundays. Although Shive never experiments with animated or interactive elements, he plays around with the strip format and panel size in the early years. In July 2002, Shive uses three-panel strips describing the actual continuity, with a fourth horizontal panel below containing events that ‘don’t actually happen’. Shive also tries out using the comic’s title for extra information, as in May 2002’s ‘Jeremy is Juggling Dinner Plates Off-Screen in the Last Three Panels’. By 2009, the majority of comics fill an A4 page in shaded grayscale, a format that carries through to this day. In an August 2009 author’s commentary, Shive considers how a scene would look if animated, but doesn’t express any desire to actualize on this.

My favorite thing about EGS is how Shive discusses his characters. In his commentary, he addresses ‘past me’ with criticism like ‘you should at least have a decent reason if you're going to make Grace upset like that’, or says he ‘honestly didn't want to write commentary’ for a strip where Ellen was upset, showing a really strong emotional connection to the leads. He also addresses the characters directly in commentary, and discusses them as though they have agency beyond his own, for example, ‘I gave Tedd access to something he could totally abuse without anyone knowing, and he didn't’. He’s very interested in alternate universes of his own story, claiming to be an Elliot/Tedd shipper since 2002 despite their not being canon in the main comic, and creates the EGS: NewsPaper subcomic for non-canon storylines.

Among literary writers and critics, it’s very unfashionable to discuss characters this way, but a lot of mainstream and hobbyist writers (including me!) have had these experiences. I think it’s human instinct to connect with other people, and it’s a strength that we’re able to create the idea of a guy and see them as real, like when we see a face in the clouds or in raindrops running down a windscreen. It helps with having compassion for real people we’ve never met. And while it’s definitely not the only way to look at characters, an author being so excited and invested about their own OCs definitely helps me get excited about them too.

The first villain introduced in the comic is a sentient pile of goo, accidentally made by Tedd in science class. The goo, which can mold and change shape, becomes a recurring enemy – an ultimate shapechanger for a story that’s so deeply focused on transformations. It’s a story about malleability and getting the chance to physically shape yourself into the person you want to be, and at its start, it’s definitely a wish fulfilment comic. That applies to lots of things that a young person might think is cool – the existence of an ‘anime martial arts’ class, getting a squirrelgirl gf who walks around your house naked, breaking in to government facilities to steal jewels – but applies especially to the transformations.

Actually, no, the title of this comic [‘The Real Reason for the Male/Female Options on the TF Gun’] is such a liar. It is lying super hard. I don't care if that's a spoiler. I'm just gonna say it. Liar liar, metaphorical pants on all SORTS of fire. I'm not 100% sure, but I think this is yet another example of me basically saying "not that that sort of thing interests me and has been on my mind for nearly literally as long as I can remember" (and only "nearly" because I think my earliest memory involves looking out at a porch or something and I'm pretty sure I wasn't thinking about being stuck as one sex at the time and how that was not a preferred state of being). (Commentary for 5/28/2002)

Relevance to Homestuck: [spoilers for Act 6]

‘Alright, someone send a message to past me to send a message to his past me telling past-past me to get back to me in regard to…’ (Commentary for 8/28/2002)

Both Homestuck and EGS are known for causing fans’ queer and transgender awakenings, which leads to a particularly powerful personal connection between the fans and the comic. Both feature characters with uncommon experiences of gender and sexuality, and characters who begin life as regular humans but develop animal traits. Both also feature multiple versions of the same character spread across different timelines and universes, and both even use the terms ‘alpha’ and ‘beta’ to distinguish between these versions. They explore identity in similar ways, including a focus on whether one version of a character can ever be the ‘true’ version, and the different potential versions of ourselves we all have the power to become depending on what choices we make, thereby exploring free will as it relates to identity formation. In both cases, this broader theme is explicitly connected to how characters choose to express their genders.

Also in both, the theme of gender is obvious from early on – before the authors themselves were fully aware of it. The exploration of this theme does date both comics, as understandings of gender among online queer communities have radically progressed in the past decade, but both are attempting to reflect changing understandings – Shive uses sex and gender interchangeably in early EGS strips, but becomes attuned to the distinction as time passes – and both are radically ahead of the mainstream media of their time. I’d also argue they better represent trans peoples’ real experiences of gender, instead of the ways we might describe our genders to cis people – but others might disagree.

Both comics start off with a very fast update schedule, which rapidly slows down over the course of the story in response to the author’s changing schedule – in both cases this dramatically affects the pace of the story, and storylines which would finish in months instead take years. EGS’ ‘Sister’ arc includes 158 comics released over 9 months in 2002-2003, while ‘Sister II’ includes 133 pages over 21 months in 2008-2010. This means that in-universe time passes far slower than real time, Homestuck famously taking two and a half years to cover a single in-universe day, and EGS taking nine years to cover eleven in-universe weeks. In Homestuck, Hussie is already much older than the characters at the story’s start, but in EGS this has major implications for an author who began as a peer of the characters aging much faster than they do – this has been softened by an in-universe timeskip.

Both comics contain occasional author-driven retcons; while Homestuck’s famous examples concern the characters’ race, EGS’ concern better characterization, and Shive is more open about them. A June 2002 comic contains an altered line of dialog from Susan, as well as a link to the original version, and the explanation ‘If I had to somehow explain how both the new and original version could be canon, my explanation would be this: The original was what Tedd imagined Susan was saying!’ (commentary for 6/27/2002).

There’s also some clear differences. While Homestuck becomes a collaborative project over time with Hussie moving into more of a director role, EGS continues to be one person’s very weird, unedited vision, with little outside input. It also primarily contains actual foreshadowing, instead of the ‘retroactive foreshadowing’ described by Hussie in their end of Act 2 Q&A.

Q: Is Tedd REALLY a guy? A: Yes! Well 99-- um, make that 95% certain. 90%. Yup. 80% certain he's a guy. Totally. ...65% certain. (EGS FAQ, archived on 2/13/2002)

Continue reading? Definitely. It’s not without problems, but I think EGS is important to the trans community, and I think Shive is an attentive, dedicated and gifted storyteller with a deep love for his own work, which is rare to find in something so long-running.

[stardayzzing]

I wanna know more about the deer!

Sorry this took so long!! This is a bit long and Im just gonna recycle the art for it but heres some more in depth information about the deer and elves!

(Sorry for any typos too!)

So for starters, EVERY greenwood/mirkwood elf has a deer. They are in a since like a piece of said elf's soul.

•The elves have a "coming of age" type situation with deer, when they reach an age similar to the age of about a 5 year old, the deer will often appear to them. Some have taken longer than others.

• The deer can express emotions similar to their elf, and even share opinions, such as not liking certain vegetables or liking the same colors!

•All deer are SLIGHTLY different. Wether their noses are a different shade, or their tails a brown color or their antlers larger or smaller. Even eye colors do not line up.

•Legolas's mother was the only elf with a doe who had blue eyes and a bright pink nose and ear tips!

•The gender of the deer does not apply to the elf though! Tauriel, who prefers she/her pronouns, has a large white buck as her deer. Legolas of course, has a doe.

Another thing about them, is that, while they are connected to a specific elf, if the elf dies or the deer dies, the other will not.

• If a deer dies, their elf will however feel extreme pain that can last many many years, though slowly fading to nothing but a dull throb. They cannot obtain a new deer though, even if the death was not their fault.

•If an elf dies and has no young offspring, they will leave and become wandering deer of the forest, though skittish of all but elves, and may at times help young ones back onto the paths.

•While elves cannot reconnect with deer, it is also not unknown to see a long forgotten deer grazing beside a deerless elf who may have been enjoying the wildnderness alone for a while.

While random deer cannot connect with random elves, some situations are different!!

•If a mother or father passes before their child reaches a certain age, it is mostly common that the parents deer will move on to be with the child instead.

•This happened with Legolas! His mother's deer watches over him now.

•Thranduil is in a similar situation.

Thranduil's, the Elk

•Despite all other elves having a deer, The first of the elvish leaders in the forest had an elk, which survived long enough to keep following the path and eventually end up Thranduil's despite everything.

•The elk, like in botfa, does die, and when it does, causes Thranduil great pain, however we all know he's capable of handling it. However, there is a mourning period to the loss of a deer/elk and afterwards, it oftens feel like losing a family member, considered almost as painful even as the loss of his wife.

•While the elk will eventually be reincarnated, should Legolas have offspring, until then, there would be no more elk.

•When reincarnated (a rare but not impossible thing that happens when some deer/elk die) instead of appearing, grown and mature, they will appear to their new elf as a fawn, small and fragile. This is the sign theyve been reincarnated rather than being a new deer.

Deer are very important to elven culture as well!

•Like how people see dwarven braids, and such things, deers are seen similarly!

•Only family can touch the deer, and a loved one. The deer seem to share this idea, steering away from strangers, huffing and puffing. Even friends can not get close to them often times.

•The only exception to this is if they are riders, which then sometimes others are brought onto their backs or enemies may of course touch them in battle. Riders have their own designated ways of still expressing their importance however, just differently from the gentler deer of the other elves that do nit see war.

•Deer will befriend another elf's deer, often times if the deers' elves are friends, but this will not allow the other elves to touch them.

•Tauriel and Legolas's deer are often found grazing and oacing together, but neither Tauriel nor Legolas will ever be able to touch nor approach them, as they simply do not feel that way for each other mutually.

Interracial children

•So this is of course a concern. Will children of say, an Elf and a Dwarf have a deer like their elven parent? The short answer? Maybe!

•The long answer? It depends purely on luck! Sometimes, a half-elf will receive a deer, though it will not be quite the same as an fully elf child.

•Often times, half elf children get deer who have bright splotches of colors, mismatched eyes, and similar. There's nothing wrong with these deer, but their elven magic is not as strong as those in the forest, which makes them look a tad different!

Other Facts:

•When outside of the forest, the deer of the elves will often times transform to appear as horses. This is because the deer are poached at times, so to protect themselves, they disguise themselves to the outside world.

•Most deer are bigger and stronger, a fully grown elf able to ride even a doe into battle if they needed.

•Sickly elves, with ailments that can not be easily healed, would be the ones to have deer of weak builds, smaller and more frail, but still strong and happy often times.

[This is an Elf OC of mine with their buck]

[aeoki]

Candy House - Electric Utopia: Chapter 1

Characters: Hajime, Sora & Natsume Season: Spring

TL Note:

I’m unsure what pronouns Kirarai Dearu go by, so I’ve opted to go with a gender neutral route. Please do let me know if there is more information regarding them in-game and I’ll fix this accordingly!

< A memory. The first year ES was established. The middle of April – Yumenosaki Academy hallway. >

Sora: Haha~♪

Sora knew it! So “S1-NON” was Jime-chan?

Hajime: S–Shh~! Not so loud, Harukawa-kun!

It’s embarrassing so I’d like to keep it a secret, okay?

Here, I’ll give you one of my homemade pickled plums ♪

Sora: Sometimes, you’re kinda like an old granny from the countryside, Jime-chan~...

Hajime: Am I~? My little sister gets angry and says the same thing. I envy you, Harukawa-kun. You’re a very modern child.

Should I also dye my hair in trendy colours or dress up a bit more?

Sora: HiHi~♪ Jime-chan’s trying really hard to change the subject~

Hajime: Shh, enough about “S1-NON”! We’ve already moved on from that topic!

Natsume: Good Evening. Sorry to interrupt your little chAT.

HeHE. You two looked like you were having a lovely conversatiON. Did I disturb you tWO?

Hajime: Sakasaki-senpai! No, no. In fact, you came at just the right time…!

Sora: Master~! It’s rare for you to come to the second-year classrooms~

What’s wrong? Ah, did you accidentally go to your old classroom instead?

Natsume: I’m not some decrepit old mAN. Don’t lump me with Senpai, who’s turned into an old geezer after becoming a member of socieTY.

Well, I don’t really attend my classes so I only vaguely remember where my classroom iS.

Sora: Master~ You should make sure to attend classes, otherwise you might have to repeat a year, you know?

Natsume: I’ll be sure to do a good job in that regaRD. Education is mandatory until the end of junior high school in Japan, anywAY. It’s up to me whether or not I want to attend classES.

Anyway, Sora, you just received a message from Senpai, didn’t yOU? I don’t know what he wants, but he told us to meet up at our office in the ES buildiNG.

You have a tendency to get lost when it comes to new areas, so I was thinking we could hold hands and go togethER. Or am I being a bit of a busyboDY?

Sora: HuHu~♪ That would be great~

Sora’s good at reading maps because of video games, but Sora gets confused because the map information for unknown areas don’t match up with reality~

Hajime: ? Um, what do you mean by that?

Natsume: I don’t know if you’re aware, but Sora perceives the world in a special wAY.

Hajime: Oh, he has something called synesthesia, right?

Natsume: YeAH. Unlike us, Sora perceives all sensations, such as smells and tactile senses, “visualLY”.

The way air feels on the skin, scents and smells, sounds that make your ears trembLE…

Sora perceives all the information that has been turned into a chaotic “colour” with his eyes and forms an understanding of iT.

Because of this, Sora might “see” the area differently even though it looks the same to uS.

Comparing this ever-changing reality with information that always remains the same can cause a lot of confusiON.

Because of that, something as strange as getting lost despite being able to read the map can happEN.

I don’t have synesthesia so I don’t know what it’s like exactly, but that’s my impression of iT.

Sora exists in the same world as we do, but he must be living in a strange world that we can’t even understaND.

We perceive this world through our five senses and our braIN. That’s also precisely why each and every of the worlds we perceive are differeNT.

It means that the difference Sora sees in his own world is far greatER.

I’ve heard many stories that talk about how people that are left-handed find it difficult to live in this world, since it was created for right-handed peopLE.

But if that’s the case, then that means Sora was born with one hundred or two hundred hanDS.

Which hand would you use to cut paper with scissoRS? Is the “hand” everyone referring to the same “hand” that you think of in the first plaCE?

It’s a strange world of hIS – one where you cannot find the answer to such a trifling questiON…

I’m sure the world Sora lives in is full of difficulties and questions that someone like me will never be able to imagiNE.

Sora: Yes! That’s why Master~ is so helpful. He teaches Sora a lot of different things~♪

Natsume: It’s the role of a master to help his disciple live an easier liFE.

Hajime: Come to think of it, Harukawa-kun refers to you as his master, doesn’t he? Is it a nickname of sorts?

Natsume: HeHE. Well, I have a tearful tale to tell regarding thAT.

I’ll tell you the story, but in exchange, you must tell me what a certain word meaNS. I just overheard someone mentioning something called “S1-NON” ♪

Hajime: Y–You heard our conversation? Geez~ it’s all because you were so loud, Harukawa-kun!

Sora: HeHe~♪ Sorry! Sora finds it difficult to adjust detailed things like that!

Natsume: HeHE. Let me gueSS – Is this “S1-NON” the pretty girl virtual idol that rose to fame on the internet recentLY?

Hajime: Y–You know about it!? T–Then, there’s nothing I need to tell you!

Natsume: So you were “S1-NON”, Hajime-kUN.

Now that I think about it, it sounds like the nickname Baru-kun calls yOU – “ShinonON”.

Hajime: U–Uuu… P–Please keep it a secret! I beg of you – I’ll do anything!

I was set up by Idea-sama– by “Pretty Girl Senpai”!

Right after ES was established, I went to see Dearu-sama since I was indebted to them[⁎].

Then all of a sudden, they made me wear this, um, motion capture suit thing?

I was confused but I sang, danced and spoke as I was told and then…

My speech and movements were converted, placed over a female avatar and uploaded to the internet before I realised it…

Natsume: It caused a huge stir on the internET ♪ People were saying things like, “Is she the Legendary Virtual Idol (STC) – the successor to Kirarai Dearu!?”

“Who on earth is this mysterious ‘S1-NON’ girl!?”

Sora: “Virtual Idol (STC)”?

Natsume: She hasn’t been officially announcED. It’s an established theory on the internet, but Kirarai Dearu hasn’t changed their appearance at all, so that theory seems to hold uP?

Hajime: I–I don’t know much about virtual idols, but I hope it doesn’t get out of hand~

I think it’s just one of Idea-sama’s whimsys – it must be one of their pranks.

Natsume: HeHe. I think virtual idols will grow to be something huge in this new eRA. In fact, I think we should be actively taking part in those activitiES.

I’m being relatively serioUS. People talking about real idols on the internet is soon to be old neWS.

Hajime: But “S1-NON” isn’t me! Please forget about it!

Uuu. It looks like “S1-NON” is pretty popular, but to be honest, I can’t keep up with it.

Actually, it feels like I’m being tied down by internet-related things as opposed to reality lately.

Maybe it’s because I’m old-fashioned, but how should I put this…? It makes me somewhat anxious.

ㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤ← Previous Chapter ᠂ ⚘ ˚⊹˚ ⚘ ᠂  Next Chapter →

[trashcandroid]

It’s October 13th again which means it’s now my 4-year anniversary on T 🥳

Ponderous reflections under the cut, slight TMI warning for discussions bottom surgery

The biggest news in terms of trans stuff is that I got top surgery this past May and have tentative plans to get bottom surgery early next year! I already had my first consult a few weeks ago but still need another follow-up and some letters, but it seems like everything’s gonna work out fine?

I’ve decided on getting full metoidioplasty with the works. Apparently hysto, v-nectomy, urethral lengthening, etc. are all pretty uncomfortable to recover from on their own and even worse all together lol but I would rather have a shitty first month or two in recovery rather than have multiple surgeries spread over more time.

Which reminds me, I never really talked about how my top surgery recovery went/has been going. It was actually really fine, I didn’t even need painkillers? Basically once the drains were removed after a week and I could stop wearing the compression vest after a month, I haven’t thought about it much at all. I’m wearing silicon scar tape but that’s pretty much it. Actually because I felt no pain I returned to physical activities sooner than I should have—I was carrying my backpack which was definitely over the 10 lb limit and even went swimming and stuff pretty soon, and my scars are pretty stretched now lol. But I don’t particularly care about that.

Other stuff… I’ve been stealth at grad school for this past year and while it’s been cool, I’ve been considering telling some people so I can be a resource or something idk. Especially with the bottom surgery stuff since I’m getting it through the university and it’s been hard finding any information about it outside of my own meetings with the surgeons.

I’ve also been thinking about being more open about it in general, so grad/undergrad students can see me as a resource, or just to increase visibility of trans people in STEM or whatever… but that would require people actually knowing this stuff… I didn’t even tell my advisor when I had top surgery that I was getting surgery, I just said I’d be taking a week off for “family stuff.”

I’m sure most people would be cool with it but I’m also for some reason terrified of responses like “oh that explains so much” or “I thought you might be.” And of course the inevitable subconscious change in how some people will view me. I’ve heard so many stories of how people coming out of stealth start getting misgendered and I could definitely see that happening to me as well…

Stuff with family is going ok. I still don’t think my dad has ever correctly gendered me once. He will awkwardly stumble through sentences to avoid using pronouns for me, or if he gets really stuck he’ll use they/them (which I don’t use). Mostly he and some other people will just use my name a whole bunch, which I guess I should have seen coming since my name is only one syllable. Maybe I should’ve changed it to Rufus Xavier Sarsaparilla huh. (I may have already used this joke so mb if I have lol)

My mom has also explicitly asked me to be more of a trans resource to my brother, who has been presenting a lot more femininely lately. But I have no idea how to bring it up and idk if I should write much about that here anyway.

I think this post is long enough lol so I will stop rambling but yeah if people have any thoughts on this stuff I’m open for discussion ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

[lavender-teardroplettes]

Thank you for that post about To. and I am so sorry about everything. This was so well put together and not throwing around straight insults in each sentence. I see both sides throwing around hate without even explaining their sides of why they're sticking up for him or why they're mad. I was also one of the people giving him a chance to come back and apologize, people say stuff in the moment all the time and I felt like he deserved that chance. But, then he just left.

At first I thought his post was okay, I understand not getting neopronouns, not liking the idea of people showing too much at pride parades, or people under 18 getting surgery. Those are things I could understand but when the n*zi and racism down play happened? I was in shock and upset. Still, I wanted to at least give him a chance to comeback fresh and see if he would apologize... but he left.

If I'm being honest. Both sides weren't handled at all properly and you guys who explain it make it so much better to understand then others just writing it off as hate, telling people to kys, or getting called cis and not trans, which I am, as an insult. Everyone is still upset so I'm letting it go but I will stand by what I said and if that gets me hated just for giving him a chance or not supporting either side than that's okay. Thank you again for your amazing post and I hope you have a wonderful day.

TW: I’ll be detailing some of my experiences subtly and trying not to go into full detail.

Hi there. I don’t know who you are, but thank you for reaching out.

There’s a lot I want to say on Tom’s views, but many people have done that for me with their own time and energy and I appreciate them. I’m going to use this space to come out and say that I use neopronouns now in light of the situation. You’re allowed to use he/him, they, them, and fae/faer/faers when talking about me. I’ve been wanting to use these pronouns since first learning about them back in…idk…2014(?), but….I’m Black and of indigenous heritage, it’s hard enough being nonbinary on top of everything.

I highly suggest taking courses in gender and sociology, it was one of the most informative and open spaces for discussing gender, gender expressions, and touches on intersectionality within the Black community and being Queer during my college years as someone who was told that if I entered those spaces that I’d be molested…despite that happening more in the spaces I shared with cis/straight people .

I will echo what a lot of people have said and what I know from my own personal research as a trans person in an unsupportive family and as someone whose partner’s adopted little brother is going through: Children don’t go through gender affirming surgeries. In some cases, a 16 year old can with expressed consent from a therapist, their parents, and themselves. And honestly? It’s no one’s business. Out side of that, most children are placed on hormone blockers until they’re over 18 and able to take the right hormone replacements to experience puberty properly and develop what they need to before surgeries are viable.

On the topic of pride, in my experience in both small communities and going to San Francisco pride, there are safe spaces for children. Parades usually have an itinerary that parents can look at and guide their children appropriately. I am 100% on the side that human bodies aren’t inherently sexual as a demisexual person. It’s on the parents to PARENT their children appropriately, not complete strangers just trying to exist and feel good about themselves for ONCE instead of being afraid of hatred, death….so much…it’s so fucking much…

That being said….yes, I wanted to give him space. I really wanted to give him a chance to do better, but he’s going to have to do a lot more now before I forgive him or accept an apology and actually move on and want to engage with his content again. I just want people to really sit and conceptualize the situation and just how much people are hurting. And if I have to be that voice, then I will be. Please bare with me. 🙏🏽

Again….no harassment towards anyone. You’re allowed to realize your mistakes and apologize, but there’s work you need to do to make it stick.

Edit: Also, people are allowed to be upset, but there’s a line when you send death threats. I AM, however, in the sentiment that the only good N*zi is a dead one. Half of my family didn’t flee to America for no reason- if they weren’t already fighting against them. Those are harsh words, but it’s my truth seeing the PAIN it’s caused my family first hand. I wouldn’t ever wish that on anyone, but you are NOT in good standing with me if you support any form of N*zism.

[fictionaladoptionpolls]

Alluka Zoldyck

Age: 11?

Home: Kukuroo Mountain (Hunter×Hunter)

Blood type: A

Likes: Killua

Dislikes: Other Zoldycks

Nen type: Specialization

I know I listed Alluka’s age as the same as her big brother’s. I generally go with the first age listed on the wiki; either Alluka’s first appearance in the series was years after Killua’s or whoever calculated Alluka’s age screwed up, and I don’t know enough about Hunter×Hunter to tell which, so I’ll take their word for it.

Anyways.

Alluka was born to an infamous assassin clan, but they didn’t teach her how to kill people as soon as he could walk or stick her in a tournament arc for two years or anything. The Zoldycks were preoccupied with keeping Nanika under control. Nanika is a (furiously researches everything available on the wiki) weird cloud thing that grants wishes and kills people. The Zoldycks try to balance out the potential benefits of an infinite wish engine with the mass deaths that happen when they deny too many of Nanika’s requests.

Her and Killua’s dad claims that Alluka is a dark, uncontrollable, soulless freak who cannot feel emotions. This is a lie. Once reunited with Killua, aka “the only Zoldyck that doesn’t treat her like an uncontrollable soulless freak,” she shows herself to be as straightforwardly nice as her old man says she’s straightforwardly evil. She’s trusting, empathetic, kind, and happy whenever Killua’s around.

Nanika is…a complication. Alluka considers Nanika to be part of her, which wouldn’t be remarkable if Nanika wasn’t responsible for a whole lot of deaths. It’s not intentional, but it doesn’t sound like it bothers Nanika, either. I’ve only read four chapters of Hunter×Hunter, the wiki and TV Tropes don’t really address how either Nanika or Alluka feel about the lethal side effects of the wishes, it’s weird.

Speaking of things I don’t know enough about Hunter×Hunter to have an informed opinion about, there’s a lot of uncertainty about whether Alluka is a trans girl or a cis girl with some pronoun anomalies. If you ask me, Killua says trans rights. But also, you should ask someone else. Maybe someone on Tumblr!

togashi was insane for creating alluka. canonically trans, arguably the most powerful character in the whole series… she spent nearly her entire childhood locked all alone in a basement with no one but nanika to talk to. nanika, who only wants to be loved, who lives in alluka’s head but is still viewed as a separate, autonomous person by alluka, and is respected as such. they had each other’s backs for all of the years in which nobody else would so much as look at them. they understand each other, wordlessly. and then when alluka was finally rescued — still a child, still with her whole life ahead of her —, she was kind. she is so kind, she is self-assured, and she makes sure that those around her are, too. i love her.

In the world of HxH, duos have taken shapes in numerous forms and meanings depending on who they are as people. [...] But what if one of those duos wasn’t balanced or reciprocated? What if it was instead a dependable one-sided partnership and not a consensual one but took the appearance of a balanced relationship right under our noses? And what if that type of “duo” completely missed us due to how we conveniently perceive these two as being “adorable” or “pure” when they’re put together? There’s a good chance we didn’t notice this toxic relationship at first glance since Alluka and Nanika are the duos described here.

(there’s more that I left out)

children and their other selves with enough power to kill god

(that one was a caption for fanart of Alluka and Mob)

[alaska386]

F!Bsd anime watcher in the bsd world… pt 2/?

Brief information for the F!bsd anime watcher(I’ll name her Victoria cuz I say so):

-Name: Victoria [last name I’ll just type ‘XXX’ in the introduction time(s)]

-Gender: Female, Pronouns: She/Her

-Age: 14 years old (idk how to write thoughts, behaviour, moods, goals that are ‘mature’ like adults’ ones cuz idk what they think so I set her as a teenager for myself to write this thing easier)

-Sexuality: Bisexual

-Nationality: Chinese(I don’t wanna accidentally write some racist stuff if I say American or British or whatsoever)

-Languages she knows/understands/speaks: Chinese/Mandarin/Putonghua(Don’t worry I won’t make her speak Chinese in the story-), fluent English

-Likes: Music(Classical, Relaxing ones are her preferences), Anime and Mangas(not patient enough to read a full series without skipping some chapters, just like me fr), desserts and snacks, nature sceneries, rainy days(the louder the rain the better), knives, comfy clothes, psychology

-Dislikes: Dogs, pain, school, homework, studying, bitter pills, loud people and noises

-Hobbies: drawing on a paper and in a drawing app, singing, family stuff, *being read like an open book*

-Appearance: dark brown hair and eyes, around Kenji’s height

-Main bsd kins: Dazai, Ryunosuke, Kyouka, Sigma(always in the middle of some arguments and shits)

-Birthday: 1/4/20XX

-Personality: Has social anxiety, rather quiet, sometimes can’t express herself fluently but tries to and tries to hide the things she thinks she should. Thinks quite negatively, does not fully show it as well, gets nervous easily but doesn’t show it often as well(which Ranpo, Dazai and some other smart/manipulative characters can definitely realise/see through)

-Extra: she trusts fate but not luck

Btw her character settings some are actually based off mine cuz I figure that it’ll be easier to write this if I imagine her as myself and I’ve imagined myself in the bsd word many times.

Summary of the last chapter: Victoria, a normal quiet student studying in a religious school suddenly got teleported to the bungou stray dogs world during a break before another class was starting, she figured out where she was and also the fact that finding police cannot do anything but make things worse cause it’s basically wasting time. And by luck and fate, she arrived the armed detective agency. Well… what timeline was it? What was happening in the agency? Let’s find out!

???’s pov

As the knocking was heard, the room got complete silent until Atsushi panicked, I told Atsushi to be quiet by putting a finger on my lips.

Who’s there behind the door? A new case suddenly? No. Ranpo san didn’t expect this too. By the sound of the knocking, she or he is not someone I know, any of the agency members know, definitely not.

The rat will not suddenly change his plans as well, I know him.

???’s pov(I’m not following the cannon plot 100% cuz I can)

A knocking? I expected that there’ll no cases during this period of time, I’m sure Dazai’s not aware of this unexpected ‘visitor’ as well.

Let this visitor to join the agency entrance exam hm? Alright then Dazai, I’m not taking any responsibilities though. And you owe me one :))🍭

No one’s pov

The black haired man looks at the brunette for a second, the brunette looks back at the white haired, distracting him from the ‘visitor’ who’s behind the door, hinting the other agency members to focus back on the current situation, which they trust Ranpo to handle it so they continued.

The black haired detective opens the door and gives the child behind the door a look, for some unknown reason his senses and brain are telling him that he should push her inside.

Victoria’s pov(just someone being so damn nervous around Dazai and Ranpo-)

Ranpo… I’m so glad he’s not with the port mafia in this au. No, don’t think anything right now.

I look back up at him, since he’s taller. I do not take a peak inside cause I don’t want him to know anything about myself as much as possible. But by judging how quiet— No. Stop. Thinking.

I blink. What?- Why did he pull me inside- Atsu— I see some people in the room, a white haired male’s having some newspapers on his hands and is saying something random nervously and anxiously… What’s going on..?(deep inside she knows) I see there’s someone with orange hair holding a remote of… a bomb?.. I look back at the person who pulled me inside the agency, which he just gives a ‘do what you want’.

Is he testing me…? Whatever, this is my chance to get into the agency and get a chance to understand whatever the fuck is going on with me. From now on, don’t forget that you’re just trying to communicate with someone and understand what’s going on with yourself and how you got here Victoria, remember that, always. No, am I supposed to panic…? What does a normal teenage think and do in this kind of situation- Ran— No, quit thinking, it’ll just get worse. Help—

I frown, I guess I really cannot do this after-all.

…

I take a deep breath. Right, all I have to be is a victim in this situation, to survive, my goal is to ‘survive’ from the bomber, I do not know anything. I’m sure I’ll get used to doing this soon enough… Ranpo and Dazai definitely know that I’m not someone from this city, nor a normal person here, but I need to do this, it’s still necessary hinting them that I’m not comfortable in telling them the whole truth no matter what they do, ‘yet’.(?)

I run towards Da— the brunette near me and hug him. It’s not like teenagers who see a bomb is in front of them won’t be nervous. Whatever I do, there’ll be bunch of chaos, anyway.

???’s pov

Oh? I blink twice, half focusing on how Atsushi kun’s doing and half on the child who hugged me. School uniform, a student. Those ones don’t look like Japanese or Russian’s ones though.

*Beep Beep*

Five seconds. Seems like it all still worked out without me! Well-

I put the child there sitting on the ground and catch Naomi, great acting.

???’s pov

I pushed the hostage to Dazai san and covered the bomb with my own body, closing my eyes tightly.

“YOU FOOL!” I could hear Dazai.

*BEEP*

*BEEP*

*BEEP*

Victoria’s pov

Episode two, great, my only communication method for now is to let people(especially Ranpo) read my mind, fuck.

I stare at nothingness, nearly is daydreaming cause when I’m back to my senses Fukuzawa already approved Atsushi and Ranpo and the other agency members are in front of me. Yosano asks if I’m injured, I shake my head and she seems to be slightly disappointed, she walks away and lets the others deal with me since I’ve only been staring at Ranpo. My eyes widen slightly as I realise something.

Wait a second. How did I understand Yosano? They’re all speaking in Japanese, that’s for sure then how am I-?

“Em, I’m actually kinda lost here..” I take a deep breath(introverted thingy ya know) and start speaking. *Japanese, what the fuck.* “I suddenly got teleported to this city earlier when I was in a break before the next class was starti—” My sentence was interrupted by the brunette, he waves at the old man.

“Presidenttttttt! Since you’ve already accepted Atsushi kun then I don’t think you mind accepting another one rightttttt?~” The brunette’s smirking and the person with a notebook smacks him. “Dazai what do you think you’re doing???”

I’m nervous, very fucking nervous. Of course Dazai can see through me, it’s just time, then the truth will be revealed, they’ll know everything, everything. Fuck. Fuck everything.

I try to stay as much as possible while keeping myself from thinking negative things but I’m pretty sure I cannot control my damn heart beats and emotions, why am I so emotiona— Stop. Stop. Quiet. Think. Stay calm, Victoria.

It’s Dazai, if he says it in this kind of situation he means it, and he definitely has or will have a way to achieve that goal, no, his first goal is to know who I am, where I came from, if I’m a spy and anything, these… are not really the things I’m concerned about. Mix all the information I’ve had, the fact that I can understand and speak in Japanese right now which I wasn’t able to understand anything the people on the road said on my way walking to the ada, the timeline right now is definitely episode 2, Sushi’s(someone likes making nicknames) entrance exam before getting into the ada, people’s first impressions of me, like Yosano, she wasn’t suspicious of me yet(in her observation); Ranpo, definitely a pain, he’s always a pain; Atsushi, Dazai distracted him and he’s quite lost in thinking about what just happened and is still being distracted by Tanizaki and Naomi, which they both aren’t paying too much attention on me, they all three aren’t; Fukuzawa, he’ll definitely interrogate me if nothing special happens later on, which I hope it’ll happen cause he’s not too hard to deal with since I’m pretty sure he’ll understand me as a victim, but I still need to get his trust in the future though; Kunikida, I just need to get Fukuzawa to let me be in the agency completely(is she not planning to leave this world or something…??) then he’ll trust me; Dazai Osamu, oh fuck, imagine not understanding your own fucking kinnie.

…

Dazai Osamu, he’ll try to understand my goal of all my past decisions of why I came here(the agency), how I knew about them and the agency, why I was shocked after Yosano spoke to me, why I hugged him, if I have any other goals, literally everything about me, he’ll try to get my trust for sure.

Victoria, your goal is to get help from the detectives, to understand your situation, it’s the first step, stop being a coward and do it, you’re in the best possible situation right now except for fearing for your life. I need to make them believe that my goal is simply to know how I got here, I know nothing, my goal is to get out, to leave, but the problem is that since they think I’m a normal person from another place, they’ll not tell me the details about what they know, and if I ask them purposely about it then they might get suspicious, fuck… whatever, I need to deceive them— no… it’s gonna cause more trouble for yourse— get their trust done first.

The main thing is, since my goal to be here is NOT the same as the goal that I’m trying to make them believe in I have, they’ll find it out in the future, the truth will be revealed, and I might fall apart, my mental health might break again. They’ll know. They know *everything*. And me existing here is already changing what’s happening in the cannon plot, unexpected events are most likely to happen in the future as well.

But does that matter? I’ve been wanting to be in the bungou stray dogs world for a long…time. That means I might change shits, really really many shits. It’s a desire. Desire, by having that, I’m already Fyodor’s another target, since, I’m a *sinner*, I know that.

I close my eyes and take another deep breath.

I need to be prepared for any possible events that may happen in the future to decrease the chances of getting killed, increase the chances of surviving. Then I can make my next step later.

*My goal is that, right now.*

Okay chapter 2 ends now!~ Hope y’all like it-

Also do y’all think Victoria overthinks too much or she’s that type of kid that thinks she’s dumb but is actually smart?

[lucasbang]

[cismale, he/him] Welcome to Aurora Bay,[LUCAS BANG]! I couldn’t help but notice you look an awful lot like [JUNG HAEIN]. You must be the[THIRTY-ONE] year old [CELEBRITY TATTOO ARTIST]. Word is you’re [PASSIONATE] but can also be a bit [HOTHEADED] and your favorite song is[I LIKE ME BETTER BY LAUV]. I also heard you’ll be staying in[CRYSTAL COVE]. I’m sure you’ll love it! (rei, they/them, 25+, EST) @aurorabayaesthetic

Basic Information ✰

Full Name: Lucas Bang Nickname(s): Pronouns: he/him Age: Thirty-Two Date of Birth: December 14th Sexual Preference: Bisexual Status: Single Zodiac Sign: Sagittarius

Appearance ✰

Faceclaim & Voice Claim: Jung Haein Hair Colour: Naturally Black Eye Colour: Brown Height: 5'10 Tattoos: has a back tattoo of a dragon and a thigh tattoo of a skull with flowers coming out of it Piercings: none at the moment Distinguishing Features: very light freckles covering his neck. a mole under his right eye Style: usually comfy and casual. tends to dress in darker colors a lot of the time

Personality ✰

Positive Traits: Empathetic, Independent, Friendly, Passionate, Focused, Responsible, Organized, Charismatic, Observant, Ambitious, Honest Negative Traits: Hotheaded, Jealous, A bit impulsive, Can be too competitive at times, Gets hyperfocused way too easily, A bit nosy, Married to his job Fears: Failure, Heights, Being forgotten, Frogs, Tight spaces, Rejection

Likes: Drawing, Video games, Getting to meet people, Dogs, Cats, Horror, Cooking, Dark colors, Coffee, Sweets, Traveling Dislikes: Heights, Frogs, Making mistakes, Anything boring, Getting lost, Mushrooms, Olives, Anything too sweet Habits: Lip biting, Running his hands through his hair, Rubbing at his face, Playing with the ends of his sleeves when he's nervous

Family ✰

Father: Minjoon "Mason" Bang Mother: Yuna Bang Sibling(s): Anna Bang Children: None Pet(s):

Favorites ✰

Ice cream flavor: Cookie Dough Food: Pasta Time of the day / night:  Night Season: Winter Holiday: Halloween Animal: Dogs and Cats Color: Green Scent: Citrus and Vanilla Musician/band: Likes too many to pick

Other Information

Education: Did all his schooling in Australia before he moved to go to University in California

Bio ✰

Lucas was born and raised in Sydney, Australia to Minjoon and Yuna Bang. His parents made sure to teach him about his culture as well as make sure he knew how to speak both English and Korean at a young age. Just after he started his first year in school, his little sister was born who he adores a ton. As he got older, Lucas found himself getting more interested in art which then turned into getting more into getting the chance to tattoo his art onto someone. He only kept it as a side things he was interested in since he knew he wanted to make sure he had a job that he'd do well in especially for his parents sake.

Lucas one day decided to buy his own tattoo gun along with the fake skin to practice so he could at least try his hand at this. The more he practiced, the more he decided that this is what he wanted to do as a career. it was a risk but one Lucas was willing to take. After that, he kept up with his schooling as well as decided to become an tattoo apprentice for a tattoo artist he had admired a ton growing up. His parents warmed up to the idea of this as long as he kept up his studies in case anything happened.

After years of learning to tattoo and getting to his portfolio together as well as build up connections, he finally got to be a tattoo artist himself. He even got to do appointments for celebrities which still leaves him awestruck. He decided to move to Aurora Bay since he felt it was the best place for him. He's currently working away and travels a lot for his job while also keeping in touch with his family whenever he can.

Wanted Connections ✰

✰ Exes ✰ Flings ✰ Friends ✰ Best Friends ✰ Flirtationship ✰ Fwb ✰ Drinking buddies ✰ Neighbors

[kismetharborapps]

MUSE APP

ooc information

name: D

preferred pronouns: he/him

age: 27

timezone: EST 

activity level: 6-7/10 

triggers: Alcohol

anything else?: I’m disabled so my activity varies but I’m typically online quite often!

character information

name: Cillian Byrne 

faceclaim: Evan Peters

gender & pronouns: Cisgender Man, he/him

age: 35

birthday: March 1, 1989

place of birth: Boston, MA

occupation: Chef at Neptune Oyster

neighborhood: Downtown 

time since arriving in kismet harbor: Since January 2020 (4 years) 

filling a wanted connection?: N/A

biography: 

1. Cillian was always a “handful” his mother would say, always full of energy! In class he was talkative, sometimes to the point of disruption. This is how he gained the nickname of “Silly.” 

2. Growing up, Cillian wasn’t sure where he fit in which he wanted to do desperately. He knew he was different, he just didn’t know how. 

3. At Age 10, he was diagnosed with ADHD-Hyperactive type. This was the first of many trips to the psychiatrist. 

4. As a teenager, Cillian experimented with alcohol and drugs alongside his friends. It started to take a toll on his life. He also started to act out, pulling stunts at school and getting suspended. His parents were worried for their son but hoped it was a “phase” just like their rowdy teenage years. Except Cillian sometimes wouldn’t always make sense when he spoke to people. “Word salad” the child psychologist told them. “It can be a feature of psychosis.” Psychosis? This was a new world for the Byrnes.

5. One night, Cillian woke his parents up in the middle of the night. “Mom…dad…please help me,” he cried. They immediately got out of bed, trying to get answers out of their child but Cillian was inconsolable. They never quite understood what or who Cillian was referring to, they just held their boy tightly. The next morning, they agreed as a family that Cillian should spend some time in the hospital.

6. Cillian would spend a total of 5 stays inpatient, ranging from the ages of 16 - 22. He told the doctors about being scared all the time and how he wasn’t always coherent according to those around him. How sometimes he heard things that his friends swear they didn’t hear. How he felt like he was “white knuckling” it at all times, afraid of how he’ll feel next. It wasn’t until the last one that they found out what was going on: Cillian has Schizophrenia.

7. Cillian didn’t go to a traditional college. Higher education was never in the plans which is why his parents were shocked when he asked to go to culinary school. “I dunno. Seems fun,” he’d shrug. They agreed because they thought it’d give him structure. As it turns out, Cillian was excellent in culinary school. At times, his instructors would use his assignments as examples of what to look for. Cillian was proud! His parents were too! 

8. He spent some time in NYC learning from the best in Michelin star restaurants. He especially grew attached to fish butchery. His colleagues would call him “Silly the Shucker” because of how fast he could crack open oysters. 

9. Although, as good as the food was in NYC at times the city was overwhelming for Silly. He wanted something quieter, somewhere simpler which brought him to Neptune Oyster in Kismet Harbor. 

10. Present day Cillian is much shier than he was as a child. He’s also hesitant to open up around people, at least now that he is Cillian: The Great Masterchef. He doesn’t want people to think of him as Cillian: The Mentally Ill Guy with an Unusual Childhood. Maybe someday he’ll accept that he’s both and that’s OK. 

Other: This is my other RP account! 

pets: Kate the calico cat https://uploads.dailydot.com/2024/06/shutterstock_1878011758-1.jpg?auto=compress&fm=pjpg 

town activities: AA & NA, Knit Happens, Mindful Madness, Bowling League, Lake Legion 

draw of luck: No thanks

[freckleslikestars]

Hi, I hope it's okay to jump on here to give my perspective as a non-binary person living in the vague south-east of England.

On a day-to-day basis, I'd say I don't suffer horrendously. Do I struggle with getting my employers to use my correct pronouns? yes. Have I been trying for nearly three years to no success? yes. But I don't regularly get slurs yelled at me or anything. One thing I do get is hearing some cis person's bullshit opinions on my workplace having gender-neutral bathrooms literally at least once a night, which maybe winds me up more considering that there are also gendered bathrooms available. You hear a lot of that over here. And, honestly, if you find yourself affected a lot by transphobic news articles, it's generally just best to avoid the national and local media here.

However, from that day to day perspective, when you control who you are around and what media you interact with, most people here will be generally welcoming and accepting of you, though I do think that can be very dependent on where you are in the country, and who you're surrounding yourself with.

From a more logistical perspecitve, the two things I struggle with most are paperwork and medical problems.

The NHS is horrendously transphobic. A lot of this will depend on where you are in your transition/gender journey, but for myself I came out as non-binary and started transitioning when I was around 19 and I'd say that 70% of my dealings with doctors have become even more difficult after coming out. I had to stop attending therapy after my NHS therapist suggested I'd not be depressed if I "didn't identify as trans" and when I tried to make a complaint I was told he didn't say anything wrong. which. yeah. There are 8 NHS gender identity clinics within the UK, and their waiting lists for even an initial appointment are multiple years long. I've also found that you have to research GPs and doctors' surgeries to find one that isn't transphobic in the majority. Once you find a GP that isn't, things are a little easier, but things are still tricky and still move slowly. I also found that people - particularly psychiatric doctors - brush off my mental health problems more since I came out.

As for the paperwork side of things, changing my name on various paperwork in the UK from my deadname has been a mixed bag. My driving license and bank account were surprisingly easy, but changing my name with HMRC has been practically impossible - though that's pretty much the same as everything that you do through HMRC. Getting my DBS and my degree reissued in my preferred name* has probably had the hardest hoops to jump through, just with the amount of justification and verification of who I am, to the point where I still haven't been able to get any of them completed, and so because I work in various schools, every time I go into a new place I have to take my whole folder of information - dbs, deedpoll, two forms of ID, safeguarding training certificate - and have them put every single one on their system - and still I've explained this beforehand to schools, been told it's okay, then when I've finally gone in, things have apparently changed and they've decided I'm not an appropriate person to be around the children, which has happened twice, and apparently both times it was because the management team had no problem but both times the receptionist taking my info was transphobic.

It's also important to recognise that many of the transphobic acts going through parliament at the moment are aimed at schools and the education system, with teachers not being allowed to use children's preferred pronouns, having to inform parents if their child is questioning their gender identity, and many other things that are going to hurt children's safety if they go through.

Also, if you are opposed to a certain children's author, be prepared to see her shitty children's books everywhere. And I really mean everywhere. This might have something to do with where I live, but there are three Harry Potter shops in my city, as well as at least five stores I can think of off the top of my head that have dedicated Harry Potter sections. And, whilst I don't know what it's like elsewhere, the UK seems...much more protective of her shitty wizard series. To the point where I'd say the majority of my cis friends, whilst they correct people when they get my pronouns wrong, and proudly claim to be allies, will also defend a children's book by arguing death of the author and that the books and films themselves really aren't that harmful, which, again, is, uh...a really wild thing to claim, particularly when the sales of them are now directly funding anti-trans laws and acts.

I want to finish this stupidly long post by saying that the general day-to-day life that I lead is not terrible. I'm not being actively hunted. I'm surrounded by family and friends who support me as well as they know how. But my gender identity has lost me jobs, and friends. It has caused problems with my medical care. I personally believe the biggest problem with transphobia comes not from the number of transphobes in this country but the sheer volume of their voices, and the fact that so many of those voices come from places of power, like the government and the NHS.

It's important to note that all of these are my experiences, and other trans people in the UK may have had other experiences.

Sorry Aye for hijacking your post, and I realise the original anon was just asking about moving for Uni, but I figured a broader answer might be more helpful.

*make sure if you can you apply to uni with your preferred name, and get all of your registration documents using your preferred name, because many uni's refuse to change the name on a degree, no matter what. A lot are starting to allow a change in name due to gender identity changes, but that still involves many hoops to jump through.

The state of politics and the media give a very bad impression but is, generally, everyday life okay for trans and visibly gnc people in the uk? I've been thinking of moving from ireland to the south west of england for uni but only ever hearing bad things is perhaps making it more intimidating than necessary. Just overall like

I can’t really speak to that specifically as I’m not trans myself so imagine it can be varied across the board.

But sadly the name ‘Terf island’ is well deserved, there seems to be hundreds of columnists across the UK that are dedicated to writing something against trans people daily. People in government are particularly vicious, and there’s a particular former children’s author billionaire that funds anti trans hate.

So can’t speak to daily life at a work/social level, but news stories and political ‘debates’ are relentless.

[toorusluvr]

❥ ҉   CHAPTER ONE - IN THE NIGHT

❥ ҉   CONTENT WARNING: implied sex, mentions of drugs and alcohol, reader and iwaizumi are slightly drunk, reader uses she/her pronouns. 

❥ ҉   NOTE FROM NIS: the first chapter is here! reblogs and likes are very much appreciated aaa i am so nervous now that i finally posted this series on tumblr phew

[previous][series masterlist][next]

Going through a breakup while you were already at your lowest is possibly the most painful thing someone could ever go through in their life. Semi, your boyfriend, now ex-boyfriend, had wanted to break up out of the blue.

Your mind was a mess, and it’s been hours since you’ve last gotten out of bed. Saturday night was spent with tears instead of the usual fun other people around your age are probably having right now.

A notification popped up on your screen while you had your face buried in between your knees. The bright light from your phone lights up in the pitched black bedroom. You lifted your head as your hand ruffled against the comforter to look for your phone.

The lock screen photo of you and Semi during his volleyball team victory came into your view as soon as you lifted your phone. A deep sigh escaped your mouth when you realised you haven’t changed your lock screen yet, even though the relationship ended this morning.

Terushima Yuuji sent you a message reminding you of the party he’s hosting at the moment. Ever since you moved to another neighbourhood last week, he’s feeling pretty lonely on his own. You’re his only friend when he’s at home. Being an only child can be exhausting too.

You and Terushima are childhood friends. His house was just next to you, and most of your free time is spent together. Even though he’s a year younger than you, both of you are incredibly close that other people thought both of you are secretly dating. The both of you always played together since you were kids because both of you also happened to be an only child in your respective family.

Terushima has been nothing but a best friend to you. Nothing more than a best friend since kindergarten. He’s like a little brother. His witty and playful behaviour makes you feel comfortable every time you are with him.

Both of you have one thing in common. Growing up with a single parent makes both of you realise that your friendship profoundly relies on each other’s company. The absence of a father figure in your life helped you realise the emotional attachment to your boyfriend. It’s always difficult to let go of Semi when both of you are still together.

You and Semi have always been in an ‘on’ and ‘off’ relationship. Most of the time, Semi will always ask for a break-up because he needs to focus on his volleyball and studies simultaneously. Committing to a relationship doesn’t spare him any time, he said.

Letting out a deep sigh, you finally agreed to come over to the party Terushima was hosting. He’s a party people , and you were sure there’ll be many people over his house soon. You were sure his mother was away. Hence the party he was inviting you to.

Rummaging through your closet, you found a short dress you rarely wear before. After taking a shower and putting on some decent-looking makeup over your swollen face, you head off to Terushima’s, which only takes 10 minutes from your neighbourhood.

When the taxi dropped you off in front of Terushima’s house, you could already see the crowds of people in his house. This isn’t just a party anymore. It almost felt like an official event that gathered over two hundred people.

You took a deep breath before walking on his driveway. Many eyes were on you as soon as you made your appearance. There were some familiar faces you recognised when you were in Johzenji. Smiling at them, they politely informed you that Terushima was playing cards with his friends in the living room.

Coming back here brought a lot of memories from your childhood. The familiar house is like your second home because it’s where you spent most of your time when you and Terushima were still kids. You could still replay the memories of playing around his house and your house next to his. Which is now left vacant.

Your high heels clicked on the concrete pathway, drawing the others’ guests attention to you, especially the hungry males. Their attention was the last thing you wanted for today. It’s devastating to be dealing with a guy, especially after a breakup.

Or… it’s just the thing that you probably needed tonight.

You made your way in the sea of people trying to find Terushima. Maybe he’s occupied with something else, or rather someone else at the moment. Knowing him, it’s probably the latter. Must be easy to be him since he has learned to not commit himself in a serious relationship. He knows he couldn’t do it so he embraces himself from loving too much.

The said person, Terushima, was spotted sitting on the couch, throwing cards on the coffee table. The guys circling him cheered in excitement with a booming laughter. Perhaps, he had won the round. The boy sitting next to Terushima nudged his elbow, pointing his finger at you. “Terushima. She’s here. Hi!” the brunette waved his hand at you.

He’s Terushima’s closest friend at school. A decent guy to match Terushima’s crazy energy. You waved your hand at him back, grabbing Terushima’s attention. And when he found you standing there, he left his friends for a while. “Hey! You’re finally here! Thought you wouldn’t come,” he grinned, leading you to the couch where he was sitting.

Your heels dragged you across the living room, people surrounding the area giving space for you to pass through them. Terushima gave you his seat and the man opted to sit on the armrest instead. There was a momentary silence between both of you before you opened your mouth to speak.

“Yuuji is going to hate this,” you murmured under your breath. Slowly, you lifted your chin to look at Terushima beside you. You tried to arrange the words in your mind but your brain is all scattered with strong emotions.

“Please don’t cry in front of these people,” you begged.

Terushima furrowed his eyebrows seeing your unreadable expression. You looked like you were mad but also annoyed at the same time. Which one is it? Being your best friend for over 5 years has brought him nowhere in reading your facial expressions. It is always difficult to decipher your emotions.

“You good, girl?” He asked, leaning himself closer to you so he could hear you over the loud music. The neighbours will probably hate him for it. As long as no cops get involved, he is good with receiving complaints.

Terushima received no comments from you. So he shook your shoulders and you immediately looked up at him again with teary eyes. “Did something happen? What’s wrong?” His voice filled with concern seeing your glossy eyes.

He assumed it has something to do with your relationship. Because you always cry because of two things. It’s either about your mother or your boyfriend. You easily break because of these two things. He can count the times you have cried in front of him because of these two people you love in your life.

Is it your mother? Or did your boyfriend make you cry again? If it’s the latter, he might be speechless again.

You inhaled a deep breath, both of your hands clutching on the hem of your dress. And then you released a shaky breath. A long one. “I just broke up with Semi. Again.” You could hear the audible sigh that came out of Terushima’s mouth.

The man displeasedly pushed his hair back, hands gripping your shoulders firmly, in hope it would calm you down. “For god’s sake, Y/N! How many times do I have to tell you to stop going back to him? He’s no good for you. You should know that by now!” Terushima snapped, earning a few stares from people around you.

As worse as it sounds, Terushima made sure to not be too hard on you at times like this. You are in a fragile state and making you cry is the last thing he wants to do. He has watched you living in your darkest times all because of your relationship. Support is what you need, especially from a close friend. But, Terushima is not exactly an idiot. He knows you deserve to get out of that toxic relationship.

Telling you “He is no good for you!” a thousand times does not make a change at all. Why bother trying? Terushima is tired of saying the same thing every single time you come crying to him.

“Please! Just listen to me once,” Terushima carefully patted your head as you cried in his lap. His close friends saw that both of you needed some personal space so he ushered the others out of the living room. Terushima gave him a quick thumbs up, signifying a personal ‘Thank you’ for the gesture.

You sobbed again. “You know how much I love him, right? No matter what happens, I’ll go back to him. You know that, right?”

Terushima let out another sigh. He is a tiny bit disappointed in you for sticking with Semi even though he treats you like shit sometimes. Terushima knows, as much as he wants to blame Semi, he’s been a good boyfriend to you too. You must have been blinded by love.

“You must forget him. No matter what. I have this if you want,” Terushima said and took out something from his jeans pocket. It was a roll of blunt. Your eyes lighted up but still weren’t interested in that.

“Shit, Yuuji. You know I don’t do that anymore. Give me something lighter than that. No, forget that. I just needed to drink!” With a heavy heart, you turned down his offer. You weren’t sure if you wanted to lose yourself that night on second thought. Who in the right mind would refuse a free blunt? Unfortunately, you did.

Terushima smirked. He knew you doubted yourself for a moment. As if you could resist a free blunt. This is the first time he ever heard you turning down his offer. He’s more than aware that you wanted to stay sober. Who knows what stupid stunt you’d pull by the end of the night? “Okay, fine. You can go grab your drink outside. You know where. I need to.. brb!”

You have never seen Terushima rush like he did just now. He must be off doing something risky as you saw another woman making eye contact with him. Terushima just gave you a knowing heads up and you instinctively rolled your eyes. You scoffed at him, “You lucky little bastard.”

Right after Yuuji left, you made your way outside where the drinks were. Surprisingly, there were a lot of new faces. Perhaps your best friend has made new acquaintances through volleyball. The same thing that distracted Semi from you. But you couldn’t blame volleyball because it existed way before you entered his life.

The red cups were all over the drinks’ bar. These people surely didn’t know how to self-service themselves at a party. Yuuji is going to wake up with a massive headache looking at all this mess tomorrow. You snickered at the thought just by imagining the pure terror on his face. After pouring yourself a drink, you isolated yourself from the rest of the guests.

Grabbing a cup of drink wasn’t enough. You decided it’s best if you’d taken the entire bottle with you and sat down alone. In which you did until several guys came up to you and bombarded you with flirty questions. You just played along with the guys, knowing too well you can play this game and never getting emotionally attached. Because you only have your eyes on Semi Eita and no one else.

A pair of arms wrapped around your waist from behind, catching you off guard. You looked at the man dressed in a leather jacket with a strong whiff of cologne. Yikes , you almost threw up smelling his strong cologne.

“Do you want to dance?” the guy asked, whispering in your ear. Good enough to send shivers down to your spine. “Sure,” you said with a flirtatious smile flashed on your face. At this point, you were sure you were too tipsy to turn down anything. His offer to dance with you seemed like a fairly good option to take Semi off your mind for a while. Maybe just one night won’t hurt.

The song lured you to dance with all of your might. The guy was good at dancing too, surprisingly, and so did you. The rest of the crowd were looking at how ridiculous you guys were grinding on each other. You were giggling, like a total drunkard. Meanwhile the guy was enjoying himself having a pretty woman grinding on his almost prominent bulge.

“Shit, not her, you dumbass!” you saw someone yanked the guy in front of you. Your vision was blurry, but you swore you saw Terushima pull the guy away from you. Without realising you were half-yelling, you asked “Yuuji, what the hell?!”

You almost crashed your whole weight on the floor but Terushima was quick to stabilise you. He ushered the guy away from you. “She’s off-limits, bro,” he said to the guy.

Terushima pulled you away from the crowd. His buttoned-up shirt was left undone, knowing he just got down from doing dirty. He stopped his movement and gripped your shoulders firmly, “No. not him, Y/N. He’s not the person you’re looking for to down to fuck tonight. No, no, I can’t let that happen!”

Your face turned sour. Even though you were tipsy, you understood what he was saying. If Yuuji says no, it means no. You don’t have to ask him further, but you were stubborn. “Why?!” you screamed out loud and started wailing.

Terushima was surprised to see you wailing, “Shit, Y/N. Are you really okay? You were never like this before!”

You continued to wail out loud, not caring how the crowd was looking at you. Some of them were looking at you with a lot of questions going on in their minds. If there is anyone who knows you personally, you have to say goodbye to your reputation.

Terushima had no choice but to bring you back inside to calm you down. He sat you on the couch. You almost passed out on his couch. Terushima sighed seeing your condition. Being a good friend he is, he stayed to look after you for a moment before he went back to his friends. But your stubborn self won’t stay still, so you went outside and grabbed another drink.

You chose to sit by the pool, gulping down the nth cup for the night, indulging yourself in sadness. Grabbing the phone in your hand, you checked your phone, and still… no responses from your ex. Letting out a loud groan, you scrunched the cup in your hand out of frustration.

Thinking your life couldn’t get any miserable, you thought maybe it’s best if you just go home and sleep the night away. The moment you got up from the poolside, your body stumbled into a guy. Landing your face first on his chest.

Slowly, you looked up to see that guy’s face. You were mesmerised by his beauty. His face is sculpted by God himself. He was good looking, has a toned body, and very stylish. He has a good fashion sense, you thought. The man was quite tipsy himself, but he made sure to help you from stumbling.

“I’m sorry. You okay?” the guy apologised. His voice was deep enough to soothe your chaotic mind. The pair of dark green eyes staring down into your clouded gaze. You grinned, hand pushing your hair back and stared at him.

“You’re so hot”, you mumbled with a raspy voice. It’s your drunk voice and lowkey, the guy was turned on by the sound of your voice. God, he was so attracted by your voice and your beauty. The same way you were mesmerised by his tanned skin and captivating eyes. He is the epitome of perfection and you stood by it.

“Let’s dance with me,” your hand played with the buttons of his shirt teasingly. The guy was flustered seeing your bold moves on him. Your arms were thrown over his shoulders, “Let’s dance, hm?” It was almost like you were seducing him.

He smirked and accepted your offer, instantly leading you to the dance floor. The song Boyfriend by Justin Bieber was playing in the background. You moved your body to the rhythm of the song, hands stilled on the stranger’s defined chest. Maybe he works out a lot.

The stranger’s warm touch made you comfortable in no time. Your consciousness was lost in his touch because his hands never left your hips for the whole time on the dance floor. You snuggled in the crook of his neck. Somehow, his scent reminded you of Semi. The thought of it made you giddy.

You left a kiss on the random stranger’s neck, causing him to groan softly in your ears. It was like a lullaby to your ears. So you found yourself wanting to hear more. Your lips trailed kisses on his neck and started sucking on it until it turned into purplish marks.

“You wanted to do this, hm? Pretty girl,” the guy whispered with his raspy voice. He pulled you closer to his chest. You chuckled seductively and nodded. You looked up at him again, “Let’s do this, baby.”

The man smirked seeing your cute flirty moves. Before he could say anything, you took his hand with you and dragged him to Terushima’s bedroom. It’s the only place that keeps condoms in the house. So, to Terushima’s bedroom, off you go. Both of you hurriedly went to Terushima’s bedroom upstairs.

Being so lost in lust with each other, you kicked the door open and locked the door immediately. For sure you didn’t want anyone to walk in on you guys having sex in your best friend’s bed. The man couldn’t hide the grin he had on his face seeing how worked up you had gotten.

He grabbed your jaw, cradling the sides of your face gently before kissing you like a starved man. You caught his lips and pushed him on Terushima’s bed. Both of you almost fell on the bed but the guy caught your body in his lap. He sat both of you on the edge of the bed before you pushed him on his back.

The guy’s kisses tried to take your sanity away because of how good it felt. His lips were so soft like cotton candy… and it tasted so sweet, just how you preferred it. You broke the kiss and the guy found his chance to leave another mark on your neck. Craning your neck, your eyes looked up at the ceiling and found that Terushima left the red led light switched on.

“Ah, screw you, Yuuji,” you mumbled under your breath, not expecting the guy would hear you.

The guy looked at you with a concerned look, “You know Terushima?”

You nodded dizzily. “He’s my friend. Forget about him,” you groaned before you continued kissing him.

He pulled you on the bed, flipping himself over so he could be on top of you. He left wild kisses and hickeys on your neck that you quite liked. You moaned in pleasure, only because his touch was driving you insane. Damn, this is better than anything , you thought. It’s been a while since you’ve been sexually active and it’s crazy that this guy was making you feel all sorts of things in one night.

Not a moment later, your dress was thrown on the floor, leaving nothing but high knee socks and lace lingerie on your body. After he undressed you, you took your time to undress him in return. Embarrassingly, you had to pause and take a sweet time to admire the drooling view of his abs and an obvious v-line.

“God, you are so sexy”, you mumbled cheekily. He scoffed and made his way down to your lower body without stalling his time. His touch was out of this world, you had to admit. It’s like you can never get enough of him and this thought is terrifying. You could get addicted.

“Shit, condoms!” you suddenly remembered. You know Terushima always keeps them in the nightstand drawer. Quickly, you opened the drawer and reached for it before tossing it at the guy. The guy caught the box with his hands perfectly.

“We’re drunk. Are you sure you will not regret this later?” the guy stopped to ask. His voice was full of concern.

You nodded while your hands travelled to the back of his neck. You brought his face closer to yours. “I will never regret anything”, you teased.

He made you feel so good. Most importantly, he made you forget about your shitty ex-boyfriend just like you wished. The man nodded before he caught your lips in between his lips again. You wrapped your legs around his torso and the rest of the night was history because you passed out.

You didn’t even realise you passed out on Yuuji’s bed after the little fun you guys had together. The man carefully covered your naked body with the comforter as he got up to dress himself again.

He left the room and closed the door behind him. The guy didn’t even realise Terushima saw him coming out of his room.

“Oh, Iwaizumi?” Terushima gasped when he saw the guy come out with his shirt left unbuttoned.

“Who were you with inside?” Terushima asked curiously. Well, he didn’t expect to see Iwaizumi coming into his room maybe because he was busy entertaining a girl in the bathroom. And, he didn’t see you anywhere that he almost thought you had gone home.

The man named Iwaizumi looked at Terushima with blurry visions. “I think it’s your friend inside. Don’t go inside. She’s naked and sleeping,” Iwaizumi groaned, leaning one side of his body on the wall to stabilise himself.

“Did you guys hook up?” Terushima chuckled in a playful manner. “ Screw you, Y/N. You scored yourself the best guy,” he thought.  

Iwaizumi couldn’t help but laugh at his words. By his reaction, Terushima knew you guys hooked up tonight.

“Can you get me that Shittykawa to take me home? I’m too fucked up to walk on my own,” Iwaizumi asked for his help. Terushima immediately agreed as he helped Iwaizumi to get Oikawa for him.

You woke up the next morning feeling sore in between your legs and a spinning head. You let out a deep groan as you stretched your body before noticing the mess you guys have created from the night before. You chuckled, “You will never learn your mistakes, Y/N.”

Not wanting to be late to go home, you picked your clothes on the floor and put them on. You got out of Terushima’s room while yawning to find him in the house. “Yuuji, where the hell are you?” Your voice echoed across the house from upstairs.

“Bitch, come downstairs. You need to sober up!” Terushima yelled back in his booming voice. He was in the kitchen with soups he bought just now to sober you up.

You lazily sat on the kitchen stool while Terushima served you hot soup to cure your hangover. Terushima didn’t say anything about last night because you didn’t look like you wanted to talk. So, he chose to not ask any questions.

And so, you forgot about the random guy you hooked up with that night and moved on with your life. With school starting, you had no time to reflect on your actions for the past week. You were worried about the new environment and new people. And now, here you were, standing in front of the new class at your new school, eyes widened at the familiar figure sitting at the back of the class.

“Fuck!” you cursed under your breath. “I’m sorry?” your homeroom teacher asked, mistaken that she didn’t hear you. It was the guy from your random one night stand at Yuuji’s party. “Shit, shit shit!” You cursed yourself mentally.

“No-nothing, Ma’am”, you apologised immediately.

One thing that you wish you couldn’t do in life is to completely remember everything, even when you are drunk. Because you are starting to regret your decision from that night.

[transgenderteensurvivalguide]

“Elliot Page doesn’t remember exactly how long he had been asking.

But he does remember the acute feeling of triumph when, around age 9, he was finally allowed to cut his hair short. “I felt like a boy,” Page says. “I wanted to be a boy. I would ask my mom if I could be someday.” Growing up in Halifax, Nova Scotia, Page visualized himself as a boy in imaginary games, freed from the discomfort of how other people saw him: as a girl. After the haircut, strangers finally started perceiving him the way he saw himself, and it felt both right and exciting.

The joy was short-lived. Months later, Page got his first break, landing a part as a daughter in a Canadian mining family in the TV movie Pit Pony. He wore a wig for the film, and when Pit Pony became a TV show, he grew his hair out again. “I became a professional actor at the age of 10,” Page says. And pursuing that passion came with a difficult compromise. “Of course I had to look a certain way.”

We are speaking in late February. It is the first interview Page, 34, has given since disclosing in December that he is transgender, in a heartfelt letter posted to Instagram, and he is crying before I have even uttered a question. “Sorry, I’m going to be emotional, but that’s cool, right?” he says, smiling through his tears.

It’s hard for him to talk about the days that led up to that disclosure. When I ask how he was feeling, he looks away, his neck exposed by a new short haircut. After a pause, he presses his hand to his heart and closes his eyes. “This feeling of true excitement and deep gratitude to have made it to this point in my life,” he says, “mixed with a lot of fear and anxiety.”

It’s not hard to understand why a trans person would be dealing with conflicting feelings in this moment. Increased social acceptance has led to more young people describing themselves as trans—1.8% of Gen Z compared with 0.2% of boomers, according to a recent Gallup poll—yet this has fueled conservatives who are stoking fears about a “transgender craze.” President Joe Biden has restored the right of transgender military members to serve openly, and in Hollywood, trans people have never had more meaningful time onscreen. Meanwhile, J.K. Rowling is leveraging her cultural capital to oppose transgender equality in the name of feminism, and lawmakers are arguing in the halls of Congress over the validity of gender identities. “Sex has become a political football in the culture wars,” says Chase Strangio, deputy director for transgender justice at the ACLU.

(Full article with photos continued under the “read more”)

And so Page—who charmed America as a precocious pregnant teenager in Juno, constructed dreamscapes in Inception and now stars in Netflix’s hit superhero show The Umbrella Academy, the third season of which he’s filming in Toronto—expected that his news would be met with both applause and vitriol. “What I was anticipating was a lot of support and love and a massive amount of hatred and transphobia,” says Page. “That’s essentially what happened.” What he did not anticipate was just how big this story would be. Page’s announcement, which made him one of the most famous out trans people in the world, started trending on Twitter in more than 20 countries. He gained more than 400,000 new followers on Instagram on that day alone. Thousands of articles were published. Likes and shares reached the millions. Right-wing podcasters readied their rhetoric about “women in men’s locker rooms.” Casting directors reached out to Page’s manager saying it would be an honor to cast Page in their next big movie.

So, it was a lot. Over the course of two conversations, Page will say that understanding himself in all the specifics remains a work in progress. Fathoming one’s gender, an identity innate and performed, personal and social, fixed and evolving, is complicated enough without being under a spotlight that never seems to turn off. But having arrived at a critical juncture, Page feels a deep sense of responsibility to share his truth. “Extremely influential people are spreading these myths and damaging rhetoric—every day you’re seeing our existence debated,” Page says. “Transgender people are so very real.”

That role in Pit Pony led to other productions and eventually, when Page was 16, to a film called Mouth to Mouth. Playing a young anarchist, Page had a chance to cut his hair again. This time, he shaved it off completely. The kids at his high school teased him, but in photos he has posted from that time on social media he looks at ease. Page’s head was still shaved when he mailed in an audition tape for the 2005 thriller Hard Candy. The people in charge of casting asked him to audition again in a wig. Soon, the hair was back.

Page’s tour de force performance in Hard Candy led, two years later, to Juno, a low-budget indie film that brought Page Oscar, BAFTA and Golden Globe nominations and sudden megafame. The actor, then 21, struggled with the stresses of that ascension. The endless primping, red carpets and magazine spreads were all agonizing reminders of the disconnect between how the world saw Page and who he knew himself to be. “I just never recognized myself,” Page says. “For a long time I could not even look at a photo of myself.” It was difficult to watch the movies too, especially ones in which he played more feminine roles.

Page loved making movies, but he also felt alienated by Hollywood and its standards. Alia Shawkat, a close friend and co-star in 2009’s Whip It,describes all the attention from Juno as scarring. “He had a really hard time with the press and expectations,” Shawkat says. “‘Put this on! And look this way! And this is sexy!’”

By the time he appeared in blockbusters like X-Men: The Last Stand and Inception, Page was suffering from depression, anxiety and panic attacks. He didn’t know, he says, “how to explain to people that even though [I was] an actor, just putting on a T-shirt cut for a woman would make me so unwell.” Shawkat recalls Page’s struggles with clothes. “I’d be like, ‘Hey, look at all these nice outfits you’re getting,’ and he would say, ‘It’s not me. It feels like a costume,’” she says. Page tried to convince himself that he was fine, that someone who was fortunate enough to have made it shouldn’t have complaints. But he felt exhausted by the work required to “just exist,” and thought more than once about quitting acting.

In 2014, Page came out as gay, despite feeling for years that “being out was impossible” given his career. (Gender identity and sexual orientation are, of course, distinct, but one queer identity can coexist with another.) In an emotional speech at a Human Rights Campaign conference, Page talked about being part of an industry “that places crushing standards” on actors and viewers alike. “There are pervasive stereotypes about masculinity and femininity that define how we’re all supposed to act, dress and speak,” Page went on. “And they serve no one.”

The actor started wearing suits on the red carpet. He found love, marrying choreographer Emma Portner in 2018. He asserted more agency in his career, producing his own films with LGBTQ leads like Freeheld and My Days of Mercy. And he made a masculine wardrobe a condition of taking roles. Yet the daily discord was becoming unbearable. “The difference in how I felt before coming out as gay to after was massive,” says Page. “But did the discomfort in my body ever go away? No, no, no, no.”

In part, it was the isolation forced by the pandemic that brought to a head Page’s wrestling with gender. (Page and Portner separated last summer, and the two divorced in early 2021. “We’ve remained close friends,” Page says.) “I had a lot of time on my own to really focus on things that I think, in so many ways, unconsciously, I was avoiding,” he says. He was inspired by trailblazing trans icons like Janet Mock and Laverne Cox, who found success in Hollywood while living authentically. Trans writers helped him understand his feelings; Page saw himself reflected in P. Carl’s memoir Becoming a Man. Eventually “shame and discomfort” gave way to revelation. “I was finally able to embrace being transgender,” Page says, “and letting myself fully become who I am.”

This led to a series of decisions. One was asking the world to call him by a different name, Elliot, which he says he’s always liked. Page has a tattoo that says E.P. PHONE HOME, a reference to a movie about a young boy with that name. “I loved E.T. when I was a kid and always wanted to look like the boys in the movies, right?” he says. The other decision was to use different pronouns—for the record, both he/him and they/them are fine. (When I ask if he has a preference on pronouns for the purposes of this story, Page says, “He/him is great.”)

A day before we first speak, Page will talk to his mom about this interview and she will tell him, “I’m just so proud of my son.” He grows emotional relating this and tries to explain that his mom, the daughter of a minister, who was born in the 1950s, was always trying to do what she thought was best for her child, even if that meant encouraging young Page to act like a girl. “She wants me to be who I am and supports me fully,” Page says. “It is a testament to how people really change.”

Another decision was to get top surgery. Page volunteers this information early in our conversation; at the time he posted his disclosure on Instagram, he was recovering in Toronto. Like many trans people, Page emphasizes being trans isn’t all about surgery. For some people, it’s unnecessary. For others, it’s unaffordable. For the wider world, the media’s focus on it has sensationalized transgender bodies, inviting invasive and inappropriate questions. But Page describes surgery as something that, for him, has made it possible to finally recognize himself when he looks in the mirror, providing catharsis he’s been waiting for since the “total hell” of puberty. “It has completely transformed my life,” he says. So much of his energy was spent on being uncomfortable in his body, he says. Now he has that energy back.

For the transgender community at large, visibility does not automatically lead to acceptance. Around the globe, transgender people deal disproportionately with violence and discrimination. Anti-trans hate crimes are on the rise in the U.K. along with increasingly transphobic rhetoric in newspapers and tabloids. In the U.S., in addition to the perennial challenges trans people face with issues like poverty and homelessness, a flurry of bills in state legislatures would make it a crime to provide transition-related medical care to trans youth. And crass old jokes are still in circulation. When Biden lifted the ban on open service for transgender troops, Saturday Night Live’s Michael Che did a bit on Weekend Update about the policy being called “don’t ask, don’t tuck.”

Page says coming out as trans was “selfish” on one level: “It’s for me. I want to live and be who I am.” But he also felt a moral imperative to do so, given the times. Human identity is complicated and mysterious, but politics insists on fitting everything into boxes. In today’s culture wars, simplistic beliefs about gender—e.g., chromosomes = destiny—are so widespread and so deep-seated that many people who hold those beliefs don’t feel compelled to consider whether they might be incomplete or prejudiced. On Feb. 24, after a passionate debate on legislation that would ban discrimination against LGBTQ people, Representative Marie Newman, an Illinois Democrat, proudly displayed the pride flag in support of her daughter, who is trans. Representative Marjorie Taylor Greene, a Georgia Republican, responded by hanging a poster outside her office that read: There are TWO genders: MALE & FEMALE.

The next day Dr. Rachel Levine, who stands to become the first openly transgender federal official confirmed by the Senate, endured a tirade from Senator Rand Paul about “genital mutilation” during her confirmation hearing. My second conversation with Page happens shortly after this. He brings it up almost immediately, and seems both heartbroken and determined. He wants to emphasize that top surgery, for him, was “not only life-changing but lifesaving.” He implores people to educate themselves about trans lives, to learn how crucial medical care can be, to understand that lack of access to it is one of the many reasons that an estimated 41% of transgender people have attempted suicide, according to one survey.

Page has been in the political trenches for a while, having leaned into progressive activism after coming out as queer in 2014. For two seasons, he and best friend Ian Daniel filmed Gaycation, a Viceland series that explored LGBTQ culture around the world and, at one point, showed Page grilling Senator Ted Cruz at the Iowa State Fair about discrimination against queer people. In 2019, Page made a documentary called There’s Something in the Water, which explores environmental hardships experienced by communities of color in Nova Scotia, with $350,000 of his own money. That activism extends to his own industry: in 2017, he published a Facebook post that, among other things, accused director Brett Ratner of forcibly outing him as gay on the set of an X-Men movie. (A representative for Ratner did not respond to a request for comment.)

As a trans person who is white, wealthy and famous, Page has a unique kind of privilege, and with it an opportunity to advocate for those with less. According to the U.S. Trans Survey, a large-scale report from 2015, transgender people of color are more likely to experience unemployment, harassment by police and refusals of medical care. Nearly half of all Black respondents reported being denied equal treatment, verbally harassed and/or physically attacked in the past year. Trans people as a group fare much worse on such stats than the general population. “My privilege has allowed me to have resources to get through and to be where I am today,” Page says, “and of course I want to use that privilege and platform to help in the ways I can.”

Since his disclosure, Page has been mostly quiet on social media. One exception has been to tweet on behalf of the ACLU, which is in the midst of fighting anti-trans bills and laws around the country, including those that ban transgender girls and women from participating in sports. Mississippi Governor Tate Reeves says he will sign such a bill in the name of “protect[ing] young girls.” Page played competitive soccer and vividly recalls the agony of being told he would have to play on the girls’ team once he aged out of mixed-gender squads. After an appeal, Page was allowed to play with the boys for an additional year. Today, several bills list genitalia as a requirement for deciding who plays on which team. “I would have been in that position as a kid,” Page says. “It’s horrific.”

All this advocacy is unlikely to make life easier. “You can’t enter into certain spaces as a public trans person,” says the ACLU’s Strangio, “without being prepared to spend some percentage of your life being threatened and harassed.” Yet, while he seems overwhelmed at times, Page is also eager. Many of the political attacks on trans people—whether it is a mandate that bathroom use be determined by birth sex, a blanket ban on medical interventions for trans kids or the suggestion that trans men are simply wayward women beguiled by male privilege—carry the same subtext: that trans people are mistaken about who they are. “We know who we are,” Page says. “People cling to these firm ideas [about gender] because it makes people feel safe. But if we could just celebrate all the wonderful complexities of people, the world would be such a better place.”

Even if Page weren’t vocal, his public presence would communicate something powerful. That is in part because of what Paisley Currah, a professor of political science at Brooklyn College, calls “visibility gaps.” Historically, trans women have been more visible, in culture and in Hollywood, than trans men. There are many explanations: Our culture is obsessed with femininity. Men’s bodies are less policed and scrutinized. Patriarchal people tend to get more emotional about who is considered to be in the same category as their daughters. “And a lot of trans men don’t stand out as trans,” says Currah, who is a trans man himself. “I think we’ve taken up less of the public’s attention because masculinity is sort of the norm.”

During our interviews, Page will repeatedly refer to himself as a “transgender guy.” He also calls himself nonbinary and queer, but for him, transmasculinity is at the center of the conversation right now. “It’s a complicated journey,” he says, “and an ongoing process.”

While the visibility gap means that trans men have been spared some of the hate endured by trans women, it has also meant that people like Page have had fewer models. “There were no examples,” Page says of growing up in Halifax in the 1990s. There are many queer people who have felt “that how they feel deep inside isn’t a real thing because they never saw it reflected back to them,” says Tiq Milan, an activist, author and transgender man. Page offers a reflection: “They can see that and say, ‘You know what, that’s who I am too,’” Milan says. When there aren’t examples, he says, “people make monsters of us.”

For decades, that was something Hollywood did. As detailed in the 2020 Netflix documentary Disclosure, transgender people have been portrayed onscreen as villainous and deceitful, tragic subplots or the butt of jokes. In a sign of just how far the industry has come—spurred on by productions like Pose and trailblazers like Mock—Netflix offered to change the credits on The Umbrella Academy the same day that its star posted his statement on social media. Now when an episode ends, the first words viewers see are “Elliot Page.”

Today, there are many out trans and nonbinary actors, directors and producers. Storylines involving trans people are more common, more respectful. Sometimes that aspect of identity is even incidental, rather than the crux of a morality tale. And yet Hollywood can still seem a frightening place for LGBTQ people to come out. “It’s an industry that says, ‘Don’t do that,’” says director Silas Howard, who got his break on Amazon’s show Transparent, which made efforts to hire transgender crew members. “I wouldn’t have been hired if they didn’t have a trans initiative,” Howard says. “I’m always aware of that.”

So what will it mean for Page’s career? While Page has appeared in many projects, he also faced challenges landing female leads because he didn’t fit Hollywood’s narrow mold. Since Page’s Instagram post, his team is seeing more activity than they have in years. Many of the offers coming in—to direct, to produce, to act—are trans-related, but there are also some “dude roles.”

Downtime in quarantine helped Page accept his gender identity. “I was finally able to embrace being transgender,” he says.

Page was attracted to the role of Vanya in The Umbrella Academy because—in the first season, released in 2019—Vanya is crushed by self-loathing, believing herself to be the only ordinary sibling in an extraordinary family. The character can barely summon the courage to move through the world. “I related to how much Vanya was closed off,” Page says. Now on set filming the third season, co-workers have seen a change in the actor. “It seems like there’s a tremendous weight off his shoulders, a feeling of comfort,” says showrunner Steve Blackman. “There’s a lightness, a lot more smiling.” For Page, returning to set has been validating, if awkward at times. Yes, people accidentally use the wrong pronouns—“It’s going to be an adjustment,” Page says—but co-workers also see and acknowledge him.

The debate over whether cisgender people, who have repeatedly collected awards for playing trans characters, should continue to do so has largely been settled. However, trans actors have rarely been considered for cisgender parts. Whatever challenges might lie ahead, Page seems exuberant about playing a new spectrum of roles. “I’m really excited to act, now that I’m fully who I am, in this body,” Page says. “No matter the challenges and difficult moments of this, nothing amounts to getting to feel how I feel now.”

This includes having short hair again. During our interview, Page keeps rearranging strands on his forehead. It took a long time for him to return to the barber’s chair and ask to cut it short, but he got there. And how did that haircut feel?

Page tears up again, then smiles. “I just could not have enjoyed it more,” he says.”

[asterlark]

ok. samwell college of music au. i wrote all four years let's go babey

eric bittle is this lovely southern tenor (sounds kinda like mitch grassi or ben j pierce) who posts covers (& sometimes originals, but always with neutral or no pronouns because he can't post anything that says he or him ☹) on his youtube channel and has major stage fright but is very talented; he also plays ukulele

he got into samwell college of music on a voice scholarship and his dad doesn’t exactly approve but eric was never the 6′2″ masculine football player he wanted anyway so why not go for his dreams

he auditions for the very competitive samwell men’s contemporary chorus (there’s like 20 choirs; chamber choir, jazz choir, a cappella groups (lax bros do a cappella), combined choirs, etc- smcc does contemporary pop/rock music) and while he’s very very nervous and shaky as he auditions, directors hall & murray see a lot of potential in him (with major grumbling from student director jack)

(the rest of this ridiculously long au under the cut)

the group is small, for a chorus, because the point of the group is not a wall of sound but a focus on all of the very talented guys’ voices coming together in these gorgeous harmonies and basically they’re like one of the best choruses on campus and all the male singers want in

so there’s jack zimmermann, who of course eric knows because everyone knows who he is, he’s the son of bob and alicia zimmermann, both incredibly talented and famous musicians, and basically those genes were in his favor because he’s mega fucking talented

(jack was supposed to sign a recording contract to be in a band with his best friend kent parson when he was 17 but something happened between them and the pressure was too much and jack overdosed on something- there’s so many rumors no one knows what’s real- and kent signed solo in LA & went on to win grammys for his albums about a mysterious ex and jack disappeared for a few years to be a counselor at a music camp and reappears at samwell, knocking everyone’s socks off again like he’d never left, except with a renewed vigor and intenseness that freaks everyone out)

jack is a contemporary writing & production major, freaky talented and sings like a modern day frank sinatra, and he plays like 20 instruments and can read music like breathing air and writes songs like if he stopped he’d die; his music is folksy and mournful and he plays all the instruments on his tracks himself- guitar, piano, strings, drums- it sounds like a full band but nope. just jack. he’s intense

“we all get nicknames in this choir,” justin informs eric on his first day, “we’re those kinda guys.” so he’s bitty, which he finds vaguely offensive (bc he’s not that short!) but still cute, & the rest of the group is introduced to him:

“shitty” knight (voice like colyer) is a musical education major and an enigma of a singer with this awesome, earthy, raspy voice that’s really interesting to listen to and a very.... unique style & look; he writes cheesy but shockingly good raps about social justice topics and he will sing-lecture you if you’ve said something offensive (he also plays banjo)

justin “ransom” oluransi is a music business & management major with an angelic voice you can’t help but listen to; he’s sultry and has an incredible range and does runs like nobody’s business (with a voice like daniel caesar or leslie odom jr UGH)

adam “holster” birkholtz is a voice performance major, wants to be on broadway and it’s all he ever goddamn talks about basically, he’s a belter and has a lot of charisma and starpower and he’ll charm the pants off of you within one note; can also play piano and irritates everyone constantly because his regular volume is like a level 11 (voice like the frontman of my brothers and i combined w/ x ambassadors lead singer)

larissa “lardo” duan is at the local art institute because performing arts is not her jam and she’d much rather paint; she’s a barista at annie’s and supervises open mic nights and keeps the annoying choir dudes from driving away all her patrons

“i’m not even in your dumbass choir,” she says when the group gave her her nickname. holster just told her that she was an honorary member and then started sing-shouting a song at her about how good she is

bitty’s first year is hard because he’s talented and he works hard but he shies away when anyone asks him to sing outside the group and like, he can sing to a camera by himself but being on a stage with everyone looking at you and the sole responsibility of the song on your shoulders is terrifying and no thanks

jack does not. understand this. he’s been performing practically since he came out of the womb and he doesn’t really get performance nerves (what he gets is anxiety about how he did after he gets off stage that follows him home and makes it so he can’t sleep) - so he bothers bitty about it constantly like “you just need practice, you just have to sing by yourself a lot and then you’ll get over it” which like.... that’s true but it’s also hella scary and bitty’s like “no thanks!!!!”

but jack’s annoying and intense so he makes bitty do open mic with him every saturday night and it’s going okay and bitty loves his choir and loves his school and these new friends he’s making and he finally feels comfortable enough to come out to them during his second term

then during their spring choral showcase at the end of his freshman year bitty has a solo and he’s worked really hard on it and he’s feeling good- okay he’s completely freaked out but he’s trying to feel good- but when he gets up on stage there’s so many people and the stage lights are so hot on his face and he flips out a little and maybe he passes out from anxiety and stress right on stage and it’s terrible and he’s so embarrassed and ashamed that he ruined their set at the showcase

of course jack blames himself because “we shouldn’t have given you a solo before you were ready, i misjudged it, i’m sorry” - and they all feel kinda bad bc holy fuck they didn’t know his stage fright was that bad like they didn’t know someone could pass out just by being anxious to sing

he practices all the time over the summer and goes to his local open mic at jack’s insistence and it actually helps a lot because instead of a sea of strangers judging him it’s a bunch of people he knows and they’re all smiling at him and when he finishes his song they cheer for him and it boosts his self-confidence a lot

his sophomore year they have three new members- chris ”chowder” chow (voice like ieuan), an excitable music education major with impressive rapping skills, derek "nursey" nurse (frank ocean or leon bridges type), a songwriting major who can also play violin and guitar, and will ”dex” poindexter (like tom west), a production & engineering major who tried out with chowder bc he needed moral support and didn't expect to get in but impressed the directors with his voice

the year’s going pretty good, bitty’s still pretty scared of singing alone but more confident now and the open mic nights with jack haven’t stopped, so he’s getting better. and one night they’re hanging out at annie’s after closing waiting for lardo to be done so they can walk her home, and bitty suggests that jack sing with him one of these nights, and jack says he doesn’t know any of bitty’s songs and bitty says they can write one together half jokingly but then jack is like “yes.” with that Intense Look

SO they get together a couple days later in jack’s room at the house they all live in together (bitty moved in at the beginning of the year after previous smcc member john johnson called him- how’d he get his number?- and told him he could take his room if he wanted), jack with his guitar and bitty with his ukulele, and it’s a little awkward until bitty says jack should play him one of his songs

and, okay, he doesn’t really know what to expect because the only music jack ever released to the public was that one single he did with kent parson when they were 17 so bitty doesn’t even know if he has anything to play him, but he does- he starts playing these soft, sad notes on the guitar and opens his mouth and sings about being lonely and scared and unsure, about false starts and shaky ground and not knowing where you stand with someone, about expectations and lying awake at night and wishing so hard you were someone else, and bitty watches him sing and just kind of... realizes he’s head over heels for this boy and internally Freaks Out a little

he tries to put that aside and they start to write this song, at first it’s weird because jack’s like “all your songs are love songs i can’t really relate to happy love songs” and bitty’s like “listen... i’ve never even had a boyfriend i just write a bunch of sappy love stuff because it’s not about me it’s about whoever’s listening to it, they’re gonna project their own experiences on my music anyway so it doesn’t matter if it’s my real life or not” and jack’s like “alright while fake af that’s smart and i respect you” (what bitty doesn't say is that he writes about what he really wants which is to fall in love & be in a happy relationship)

they say they’re just gonna write this kinda vague sad song but they both secretly write lines about their actual lives so it ends up being really personal and real and raw for the both of them

they sing the song at open mic that saturday and the crowd at annie’s is never that big but they’ve never got a standing ovation here before, and some girl shouts “MAKE AN ALBUM” (it may or may not be lardo) and they both blush furiously and bitty’s like “... that was really nice, jack” and jack’s like “... yeah it was good good job you’re really getting some confidence out there nice work” (bitty: “THAT’S NOT WHAT I MEANT AAAAH”)

around this time jack’s really thinking about what he’s gonna do when he’s done at samwell, talking with his parents and his agent and looking into different record companies and deciding if he wants to sign with anyone or possibly start his own company- the head of a small company called falcon records in rhode island has been talking to him a lot, and jack talks to bitty about how he thinks it’d be nice to start small, and the record exec georgia and the producer marty had both been really nice and welcoming, and bitty’s so happy for him but also just... sad that he won’t be around jack every day after he graduates

THEN at a haus party celebrating their win of a local choral competition, who shows up but none other than pop star kent parson to Ruin The Fun

bitty sees the way jack pales when kent walks in, notices them disappear upstairs together and feels a little sick worrying about jack but chalks it up to the highly alcoholic concoction shitty and lardo had cooked up but nonetheless decides he’s sick of the party and goes up to his room and hears.... a little too much

and YIKES he’s standing right there and kent parson, pop star, two-time grammy winner, is looking a little rumpled and staring right at him and he puts his hat on and clears his throat and snaps at jack- “hey. well. call me if you reconsider. but good luck with rhode island. ...i’m sure that’ll make your parents proud.” and jack’s shaking, and bitty doesn’t know what to do but jack goes back into his room and bitty’s just kind of standing there like What The Fuck

so.... he kind of stews over winter break but tries not to think about it too much and he and jack text a bit and jack tells him to practice and bitty’s like “oh, you” and jack’s like “im serious” and bitty’s like “>:( it’s christmas”

spring semester starts and they're doing well in competitions and they go to semifinals and then finals for a prestigious collegiate choir competition and the pressure is mounting but they all are so optimistic and really feel like they're on the same page and bitty’s confidence is better than ever and then.... they don't win

jack especially takes it very hard, but then he also has signing to worry about, which everyone helps him with and he decides to sign with falcon records and start work on an album after graduation

speaking of graduation, shitty and jack graduate and it's hard for them but harder for bitty who feels like he's losing jack in a way, he knows how intense jack gets when he's making music and it doesn't feel like he'll have any time for bitty anymore so when they say goodbye bitty goes back to the haus and listens to his and jack's song and just cries

but, like in canon, dadbob has words of wisdom to impart and jack has an "oh" moment and races across campus to kiss bitty

they get together and the next few months are spent with jack working nonstop on his album (which tbh, he'd had many of the songs written already so it's mostly recording and producing) and texting bitty constantly and coming to visit him and playing him demos of all the songs

jack also asks bitty if they can record the song they wrote together & have it as a bonus track on his album & bitty says of course, so when jack visits they set up an impromptu studio and record vocals in the guest bedroom and this deeply personal song they wrote before they were ever together means so much more to them now

and bitty is so happy but so scared and sad too because jack is playing him these songs telling him "they're all for you bits, & a lot of them are about you" and he just doesn't know how he's going to keep all this love inside even though it feels like jack's career is at stake

he tries to shove it down and stay strong though, especially since he's now an upperclassman and they're taking on new members- connor "whiskey" whisk (voice like finneas or the male singer in valley), a music business/ management major who seems to hate bitty's guts and tony "tango" tangredi (like chaz cardigan), a jazz composition major who astounds everybody with his endless questions but also his ridiculously impressive composition skills & naturally perfect pitch (he can also play saxophone??)

i want ford in this au so fuck it she is a composition major with dreams to write scores for musicals and she stars training as a barista at annie's (aka training to corral the smcc)

the pressure of it all proves to be a lot and bitty and jack have their hi, honey moment where bitty's like i can't be this deep in the closet!!! and so they tell the smcc and also jack's label that they're together and that eases things a bit

jack's album comes out to much critical acclaim and shouting in the groupchat ("#1 ON ITUNES BRAHHHHH!!!!!!!!") and several months later, when smcc has already been eliminated from choral competition in an earlier round, jack is nominated for SEVERAL grammys including best album, song of the year, and best new artist

when the time comes he takes his parents and bitty on the red carpet which, everyone keeps being like "who are you here with jack?" and he's like "my family and my good friend :)" and yes it is awkward

jack wins... all three awards. it's the comeback everyone is stoked to see and when his third win is announced, he and bitty are so elated that they kiss before he goes to accept the award

his speech is basically just "um... wow. thank you. i just kissed my boyfriend on live tv. this is amazing and i'm so humbled. i'd like to thank my boyfriend and georgia and marty and my parents and my friends and my boyfriend"

obviously the press has a FIELD DAY with this but bitty & jack are honestly vibing and so happy that it doesn't matter untiiiillll bitty's mom calls and he has to tell her "mama i'm gay and i'm going on tour with jack this summer okloveyoubye"

the last few months of bitty's junior year pass quickly and he's voted student director which is a huge honor considering how much he struggled with stage fright and confidence & how he'll now be stepping into ransom & holster's shoes

r&h and lardo all graduate (the smcc basically crashes the art school graduation and all scream when lardo gets her diploma lmao), which is a bittersweet occasion and they all do a bit of tearing up

that summer bitty goes on tour across the u.s. & canada with jack and his touring band (snowy is a bassist, tater is a drummer and poots does backing guitar, he also brings nursey to play violin on a few songs) as well as georgia who's there to manage logistics

and tour is so fun & chaotic with many bi and rainbow flags in the audience that end up thrown on stage and draped around jack's neck and they spend so many nights in the bus drinking and laughing and fooling around on the guitars and bitty's uke and exploring new cities bitty has never been to before and it's the freest bitty has felt in a long time

summer ends though, and jack leaves for the uk/europe leg of the tour, and with the new school year brings a few new members- river "bully" bullard (voice like gregory alan isakov), a music therapy major who draws his own cover art for his songs, lukas "louis" landmann (like jr jr), an electronic production and design major with a penchant for EDM, and johnathan "hops" hopper (like keiynan lonsdale), a film scoring major who wants to write music for movies and video games

bitty meets and befriends some of the other student directors- shruti, sd of the women’s contemporary chorus; sharon, sd of the chamber choir; and edgar, sd of jazz ensemble (even chad l., sd of the all-male a cappella group)

senior year passes similarly to the comic; coach visits and sees one of bitty’s competitions, jack comes to madison for christmas, smcc does well in competition and goes to regionals etc

however… bitty keeps putting off and putting off gathering the songs for his senior recital

he has a hard time doing that because he’s so focused on the group and making sure they’re performing well and as they advance in competition, everything else starts to fall away

eventually the rest of the smcc has to lock away his uke and change his youtube password and FORCE him to choose songs for it and start preparing because he cannot graduate without doing this recital and doing well on it

he chooses (of course) a beyonce song, a few of his own songs, an ellie goulding song, and an adele song

with all that his breath hitches and his hands shake before he goes on stage, he does really well and his voice instructor prof atley tears up a little in the audience as does his mom

meanwhile smcc goes to semifinals, then finals, of the national collegiate choral competition they participate in

and i imagine bitty faces somewhat less homophobia in this au because i mean, he’s in the performing arts, but i think it’s still there and he also faces a good amount of classism from richer students and performers who think they’re better because they had the resources and money to be performing professionally from a very young age, and he has been practicing via filming himself on a shitty camcorder and posting it to youtube

but they still get there! and the national finals are fucking HUGE and a big deal and a little overwhelming

bitty’s stage fright is Present because this is the biggest stage and the biggest stakes he's ever had and he has a big solo in one of their songs so if he fucks up, he fucks up a national championship for his whole group and school

luckily though, when he steps on the stage with his best friends and sees his boyfriend and family and smcc alums in the audience and they perform their first song, a high-energy pop medley that always gets the crowd going, everything seems to melt away and it's just him living in this moment and singing his heart out

when it gets to the next song and his solo, he forgets to be nervous and belts it out, getting screams of approval from the audience when he finishes

(dex and nursey do have a duet together that they had to practice for many long nights in the practice rooms alone but that's neither here nor there)

their time on stage seems to last both hours and no time at all and then they're done, the crowd gives them a standing ovation and it's at least 30% r&h & shitty's hooting and hollering and jack's enthusiastic clapping that makes bitty & the others beam with pride

then it's just waiting, giddy and nervous beyond belief in their green room, for the judging to be over

after what feels like forever they're back on stage, arms linked together waiting and hoping for their name to be called and it is, they win and it feels like years have built up to this moment, and bitty tears up because years ago when he was fainting from anxiety at having to perform in front of people he never could've imagined that he'd do this, that he'd be the student director that led them to a championship

they get the trophy and a ridiculous amount of flowers from their loved ones and they all are just in giddy disbelief that this is happening, they're national champs!!! they are the best choir boys in the nation!!

they come home and the rest of the school year passes by so quickly that it's very suddenly graduation and bitty can't believe his college career at samwell is over 😢

(he and ollie and wicky take pictures together, o&w talk about how excited they are to devote full time attention to their band & wedding planning and bitty's just like wait you're gay??)

bitty got plenty of offers from record companies but he likes his freedom of creativity and he has a built in fanbase from doing youtube all these years so he decides to make an album independently (jack helps him produce & master it 🥰)

when bitty's album comes out about a year later, full of bops about being gay and in love and having struggled but come out the other side more confident than ever, it doesn't get any grammy nominations- and he didn't expect or need that.

what it does do is it resonates. it makes the rounds in youtube and queer internet circles; people his age reach out to him saying this is the music they wish they had as a kid and kids reach out to him saying he's a role model and they're so glad to have his music to listen to. his album is written about as an underrated gem that shines with queer brilliance and is sure to start a party when it comes on.

his parents may not fully understand the road he's chosen for himself but they're still so proud and promote the album as hard as any of his loyal fans (especially the one country-inspired song on the album that he wrote and dedicated to them).

and jack, jack who saw this album from its infancy to its release date, who took the film photo that ended up being the album cover, who worked with bitty to make sure his vision was realized exactly how he wanted it to be, is proud beyond words.

jack starts using his semi-abandoned twitter again to tweet "stream [album name]" every day and bitty retweets them sometimes, with just a "this boy. ❤"

and they're happy. they're good. they have come so far and they are reaping the rewards of all the hard work they put in to make the music that they truly love.

the end :)

[violettelueur]

— JUJUTSU KAISEN EPISODE TWENTY TWO || THE ORIGIN OF BLIND OBEDIENCE

↳ featuring : itadori yuji + fushiguro megumi + kugisaki nobara + nitta akari from jujutsu kaisen

↳ warnings : mention of violence + mention of suicide + mention of dangerous acts + mention of killing + EXTREME grammar issues

↳ form : story

↳ published : 04 may

↳ pronouns : she/her

↳ word count : 7.2k

↳ synopsis : within the jujutsu world, there were three famous clans to be aware of, the Kamo clan, Zenin clan and the Gojo clan. However, unknown to many sorcerers there was one last family that was known to be apart of the three, only for them to disappear after the golden era leading some to speculate that they had died in battle after the sealing of ryomen sukuna, but....

↳ previous episode : jamais vu

↳ next episode : the origin of blind obedience 2 

↳ barista’s notes : let me admit...this ain’t my best piece of work, but i hope you all enjoy this episode of the series and good night everyone ʕ •ᴥ•ʔゝ☆

BEFORE READING, I NEED YOU TO BE AWARE OF THIS:

1. the whole story belongs to Gege Akutami and the credits go to them and them only.

2. the spell curses used belong to Tite Kubo due to them being the ‘Kidos’ being used on the manga and anime ‘Bleach’.

there was one going to be mention but...let’s keep that a secret for now...

2.5. for the ‘cursed spells’/kidos (bleach) i will link this video here and tell you the time stamp to check out what i am intending to show - remember i add a few twist here and there by adding the katana to link with Y/N’s cursed technique : hopefully this video is slightly better...

3. if you are confused on anything, please don’t hesitate to message me since i know this whole thing is so confusing.

“Kanada Taichi in Morioka, in June. Shimada Osamu in Yokohama, in August. Yamato Hiroshi in Nagoya, in September. These three died in similar circumstances. They were stabbed to death by a cursed spirit at the entrances to their apartments and all of them had filed the same complaint with the property managers several weeks before dying. They claimed their auto-locking doors were left wide open. None of the other residents have any idea what could have happened,” Nitta (your current driver) explained, causing you to open your eyes slowly, letting your drowsiness fade away slowly.

Currently, at this moment in time, you and your classmates were being driven to your desired destination to your current mission that all four of you were set causing you to wonder how much longer the drive was going to be, but also how you were going to cope with dealing with the whole ordeal since it had been a while since you had gone on a mission dealing with the unknown - last time was over two months ago at the detention centre where you had to face Sukuna (a special grade curse).

“None of the dates or locations match, though. Could the same cursed spirit have killed them all?” Fushiguro questioned as he stared down at the Ipad he had in his hands while trying to read all the information that was provided.

‘There is one location they all have in common though’ you thought, as you turned your head to stare out of the window, recalling the time where you had read the same information on your phone during breakfast with your adoptive father, Gojo Satoru.

“Hey, could the cursed spirit be responsible for the doors? Do sensors like those pick up cursed spirits? They don’t show up on camera and stuff, right?” Itadori began to ask an abundance of questions causing you to internally giggle as some of the questions he asked were basic knowledge for jujutsu sorcerers, but it was adorable for him to try to find a solution.

“Apparently, the cursed spirit made the door operators go crazy, not the sensors,” Nitta answered, leading you to give a side-eye to indicate that you were listening to her before going back to peer at the window to figure out a solution of your own about the current situation.

“Oh...Operators?” Itadori muttered in confusion as he tilted his head slightly to the side.

“And as for whether or not the same cursed spirit was behind this...Well, we couldn’t be certain from just the residuals. After all, a lot of time had already passed. So we tried to track down any connections between the three, we found that all three attended the same middle school for two years,” Nitta mentioned causing you to stiffen up slightly on the information given to you.

“Meaning all three received the same curse, and it activated after time had passed?” Kugisaki suggested with a thinking gesture causing Itadori to make a noise of impressiveness before leaning forward to view the female sorcerer.

“Precisely. That’s highly likely. So we’re going to that middle school now to question someone the three victims all knew, and I want you four to see what you can find as sorcerers,” Nitta answered leading you to sigh (to which she slyly notices) before you processed to close your eyes as if you were going to nap for a bit.

“Way to go, Kugisaki!” Itadori mentioned in astonishment leading the mentioned sorcerer to flick her hair back.

“Heh. What’d you expect?” Kugisaki questioned smugly.

However, without the attention of all three of you, Fushiguro seemed to be annoyed as he leaned his head back onto the chair seats before letting out a sigh of his own, wondering how he was going to handle this situation now.

                                              ꕥ

“A funeral?” Itadori questioned, as you processed to exit out of the car leading you to see a few people wearing all black, entering into a building before shutting the door quietly to not disturb the mourners that were attending the disheartening event.

“Is this the home of that acquaintance?” Kugisaki asked as she was also looking at the darkening event that was happening.

“Yes, it is…” NItta answered in a stutter leading everyone to get back in the car since there was no possible way, all of you could even interview someone properly during this time since it would be considered extremely rude.

                                               ꕥ

“Well, this sucks. He dies the same way the other three did. He lived with his family, so there was no auto-locking door, but he was killed in front of the entrance. Previously, upon returning home alone, he reported, “The door was unlocked, but it wouldn’t open,” to his family members,” Nitta explained, as you processed to scan through all the documents through your phone trying to obtain some sort of connection between all the victims rather than the middle school that they attended to.

‘Date of birth 1983-1984...that means they were in middle school at around 1995-1998...Yasohachi Bridge was popular back then, right?’

Suddenly, the car had come to a sudden halt causing you to look up from your phone, only to discover that you had arrived at the location that Nitta had discussed to everyone at the beginning leading you to look up that the building from the side of your window before slowly letting out a breath as you processed to open the car door to go and investigate with the others.

“I asked his parents, too, but they said they didn’t know what relationship he had with the other three. Man, there goes our only lead!” Nitta whined loudly, as everyone began to enter the school premises causing you to halt for a second before you continued to stroll behind them, trying to make sure your classmates didn’t notice your fidgeting behaviour.

“Don’t worry! There has to be something at this middle school!” Itadori reassured Nitta as she looked disappointed with her head hanging low.

“I sure hope so. For now, I’ve secured an appointment with a teacher, so I’m counting on you,” Nitta replied with a disheartened tone.

“Roger,” Itadori replied with a determined smile.

Suddenly, Kugisaki (who had her hands behind her head in the beginning) unexpectedly had a mischievous smile painted on her face before quickly running off to the side causing you to look at her with a raised eyebrow as you wondered what she was planning on doing.

“There’s some obvious punks, let’s beat’em up and set’em straight!” Kugisaki suggested causing you to walk up to her with your hand raised since she was going completely off-topic with what everyone was supposed to do currently.

“Why?” Itadori asked in a confused tone.

Slowly, the two punks that Kugisaki mentioned began to straightening up with menacing looks on their face, leading Itadori to lean forward to observe the two, only for them to suddenly straighten up more in sudden fear, causing you to be somewhat confused on why there was a sudden change in expression, only for your eyes to follow what they were looking at.

“I-It’s good to see you!” the pucks shouted while processing to bow 90 degrees with their heads lowered causing you to turn back to them with widened eyes at what was going on.

“Heh, look at that. You actually get it,” Kugisaki stated with a smug look on her face causing you to give her a fed-up look towards her direction while trying to figure out why Itadori was joining in her shenanigans.

“An aura just pours out, even if you try to hide it,” Itadori mentioned as he pushed his hair back leading you to ignore both of your classmates and you processed to look around the school trying to find some clues while noticing slight hints of cursed energy roaming around the premises.

“We haven’t seen you since graduation, Fushiguro-san!” one of the punks mentioned, causing the two smug sorcerers to drop their act before quickly turning around to see Fushiguro, who was now looking to the side in embarrassment.

“I...went here...for middle school,” Fushiguro announced before turning his back to face behind him to avoid his classmates, only for them to violently grab his face as they tried to make his turn to face them.

“That’s a surprise, too, but that’s not the point! Look at me!” Kugisaki angrily demanded, as she forcibly turned Fushiguro’s face to look at her with a struggle as Itadori had a hold of the shikigami sorcerer’s head to make it face him.

“What’d you do?! What did you do in middle school?! No, it would be quicker to ask them!” Itadori mentioned in a panic, as he was desperate to find an answer.

“Hey, Idiot A and Idiot B! What did this guy do to you?” Kugisaki yelled out her question, while still having a hold on Fushiguro’s face.

“We...Or rather, every delinquent, gang member, and so on in this area got beaten up by Fushiguro-san,” one of the punks answered, as both of them lifted their heads leading both Itadori and Kugisaki to let go of their friend’s face in shock before turning back to face him in confusion, looking for answers.

“I beat them up,” Fushiguro muttered as he turned his head back with his now messed up hair, leading Itadori and Kugisaki to grab his face again in complete surprise.

“Why do you keep talking so stiffly?! Look at me!” Kugisaki angrily asked as she painfully turned Fushiguro’s face to look at her.

“What are you doing?! Hey! What are you doing?!” Itadori asked in a panic, once again, as he now turned Fushiguro’s head to face him.

“Wow~ you beat up people Fushiguro, what a drag~” you commented with a hand over your mouth leading the erratic-haired sorcerer to look to you for help only for you to turn away to observe the school’s premises again, trying to gain something for the mission at hand.

“Hey!” someone shouted, causing both of the sorcerers to let go of Fushiguro’s face which led his hair to bounce a bit. Turning around to face the front, you noticed an old man with glasses running up towards you guys leading your eyes to widen once you had gotten a good look at who was coming towards everyone.

“Who are you? Students from other schools aren’t allowed in here!” the old man stated with a loud tone.

“And who the hell are you?!” Kugisaki yelled back in anger, causing you to smack the back of her head as if to tell her to ‘shut up’ which caused her to look up at you with a pout as she held her head to soothe the pain away.

“He’s clearly a staff member. Why are you so combative?” Itadori questioned in a low tone as he began to slouch.

“We have permission to be here,’ Nitta informed the staff member while processing to show the pass that she was carrying leading the old man to adjust his glasses as he peered at the pass she was currently holding.

“Oh, you’re the ones? You’re all young, you need to hang your pass around your neck,” the old man mentioned as began to observe the group of students behind her before his eyes widened once they handed on a certain someone. 

“Fushiguro-kun?” 

“Hello,” Fushiguro greeted, as he looked to the side with a small blush beginning to appear on his face.

“He remembers you!” Itadori and Kugisaki mentioned in a teasing tone as they looked at their classmate with an amused look.

“So this man’s been here a long time?” NItta asked with a cheerful tone, leading you to conclude that she probably had gained hope for a new lead on the mission that was happening right now.

“Probably, Takeda-san’s a permanent employee,” Fushiguro answered in a monotone voice.

“Then I leave the rest to you!” Nitta concluded, to which she held a thumbs up as if it was some sort of encouragement.

‘Abandoning her duty....’ Fushiguro thought, before shifting his eyes towards you as he realised that you had become quiet again, only to discover that you were looking at Takeda with some sort of fondness in your eyes as a small but noticeable smile appeared on your face.

‘It’s been a while, hasn’t it Takeda-san? How are you? You’ve been okay? I wish I could ask you this..but...it’s for the best that I didn’t at all huh?’ you thought before turning your head to look at the windows beside you, only to realise that the same hint of cursed energy was still lingering around.

‘I’m surprised it remains here…’ you mentioned internally before turning back to look at the staff member in front of you.

                                              ꕥ

“Kanada, Shimada, Yamato...and Morishita, huh? I was shocked by their passing, but I guess it’s been nearly twenty years since they graduated, I remember it like it was yesterday. They were problem children in their own right, though not as bad as you. What do you want to know?” Takeda mentioned with a soft smile causing you to scoff a bit at his comment as you covered your mouth to hold your laugh but to Fushiguro’s annoyance.

“Strange rumours, dark rumours, connections to bad adults…” Fushiguro listed as he raised his arm, leading you to look at him weirdly since it wasn’t the arm towards your side he had lifted.

“Hey, problem child!” Itadori and Kugisaki chanted in a teasing tone.

“...and anything of ill omen,” Fushiguro concluded before closing his hand into a fist as he proceeded to swing it down to punch the top of Itadori’s head.

“Dark rumours? They may have been problem children, but they never went beyond average middle school stuff. But wait...ill omen?” Takeda muttered as he began to think.

“Do you mean that tale? About the Yasohachi Bridge bungee jumping?” one of the punks questioned, causing you to look to the side in interest since you had an idea about the bridge before you had arrived at the middle school.

“You’re still here, A and B?” Kugisaki asked since she was surprised that they remained where they were.

“Yasohachi Bridge?” Itadori questioned.

“A notorious suicide spot, it’s well known in this area as a haunted location,” you answered in a casual tone before explaining why it was such an important detail to note for your pink-haired classmate.

“Oh, that’s right! Back then, it was all the rage among delinquents to bungee jump off Yasohachi Bridge late at night, it was one of those tests of courage,” Takeda explained, once he remembered what he was trying to think of.

“What a weird tribe,” Kugisaki muttered in annoyance.

“What a drag,” you mentioned in a fed-up tone.

“I’m surprised there are people dumber than me!” Itadori stated.

“What do you use for a cord?” Fushiguro questioned as he was trying to wonder how the people bungee jumped in the first place.

“We don’t do it, I just heard some students from our parents’ generation talking about it,” the punk mentioned causing you to nod your head slowly, conveying that you understood what he meant.

“One day, Kanada and the other three were absent without permission. That wasn’t all that usual by itself, but when we contacted their families, we learned that those four hadn’t come home the day before. It caused a pretty big stir, then they were found unconscious under the bridge. They got chewed out good, but all four swore up and down they didn’t remember a thing,” Takeda explained, causing all the first years to come to the same conclusion in their heads.

                                               ꕥ

“I think that’s it,” Nitta suggested as she looked at all four of you.

“I’ve been to Yasohachi Bridge, too,” Fushiguro mentioned in a serious tone.

“To bungee jump?” Itadori asked comedically, leading Fushiguro to swiftly smash a fist on the top of his head in annoyance causing Itadori to wince in pain as he held his head with a pout.

“It’s easy for curses to take root in haunted locations, just like in schools, so people from Jujutsu High regularly patrol it,” Fushiguro explained causing you to recall the times where you would walk around the area late at night while trying to hide from the sorcerers that came from time to time back a few years ago.

“There wasn’t anything unusual at the time, though. It might be a bit famous, but it’s still used as a normal bridge,” Fushiguro mentioned.

“We still have to go check it out, though,” Kugisaki suggested, causing you to agree with her since it was the best for all the four of you to survey the bridge yourselves.

“Fushiguro-kun?” someone called out, causing everyone to turn to find Takeda coming towards everyone’s way.

“Sorry, I was curious about something,” Takeda mentioned causing Fushiguro to fully turn around to face the old man.

“What is it?” Fushiguro asked.

“Tsukimi-kun took awfully good care of you when you were in school. Is she doing well?” the old man asked, causing you to stiffen up slightly before shifting your eyes to the side since you were getting nervous at the fact the staff member was remembering everyone little by little.

“Yes,” Fushiguro answered with a deadpan expression.

“Who’s Tsumiki?” Itadori asked the shikigami user in curiosity.

“My older sister,” Fushiguro answered in a low tone, leading Kugisaki to grab his shoulder in surprise once again.

“What?! You tell us too little about yourself!” Kugisaki mentioned in an annoyed tone leading Itadori to agree with her, leading the old man to tilt his head slightly to the side - to avoid the blockage of Itadori’s body - to discover you making your way to the side of the car, where you were sitting before.

“Excuse me, I also wanted to ask you something if you don’t mind,” Takeda asked in a kind tone, causing you to halt your movements before looking up to find the old man gifting you with a sweet smile that you remembered so much causing you to turn back and make your way towards the staff-member with lessening the tension that you had before walking away.

“Yeah, it’s fine, what is it you want to ask me?” you questioned with a light tone, trying to sound polite to the man, causing him to smile at you.

“Do I remember you from anywhere, you seem quite familiar to me?” Takeda asked, causing your eyes to widen in fear before quickly blinking away the sudden change in emotion you were surprisingly expressing so easily.

“I never been to Saitama Urami East Junior High before, I’m sorry but I don’t think I’m the person you are trying to recall,” you answered with a sad soft smile leading the man to sigh before fixing his glasses.

“Is that so? I’m sorry, the minute I saw you, I began to recall a student that would always help me around from time to time and she was always on top of her work, but she left around the second year before I got to thank her,” the old man began to reminisce, not noticing the stiffness of your body as well as the panic rising within your heart leading it to beat faster than it should.

‘He’s remembering too much, but didn’t I put enough cursed energy into that spell? It should have wiped everything from his memory’

“Sorry, but could you look at my left eye for a second? I think I got an eyelash stuck there,” you quickly asked, causing the old man to agree to help you as he adjusted his glasses once again before taking a good look at your eye.

‘It could cast it now, but the others are here...I could just not use the spell to its full potential and that couldn’t cause him to faint, maybe that will work,’ you quickly thought as you were slowly transferring a small amount of your cursed energy to your left eye.

“Haku-” you muttered under your breath before coming to a sudden halt, causing your cursed energy to waver slightly as it began to slowly move away from your eye leading you to conclude that you didn’t even have the guts to commit to the action that you were planning to go on with like you did two years ago, to which caused your heart to become extremely heavy with guilt as you knew once he entered back into the school, the lingering cursed energy that you had left in the school would cause his memory to fade away, processing you to let go of your sudden plan as the staff-member mentioned that there was nothing to worry about.

‘Nothing to worry about huh?’

“Thank you so much,” you softly said with gratitude before giving the old man a final wave goodbye before entering the car with the rest of your classmates, wondering if it was still for the best that you let him free with his memory gradually coming back to life.

                                              ꕥ

“We’re here. Koi no Kuchi Canyon, Yasohachi Bridge. Once you confirm a cursed spirit’s here, I’ll lower a veil,” Nitta explained as all of the first years processed to get out of the sleek black vehicle before stepping to the side of the bridge to be away from the road.

“Roger!” Itadori started with a confident smile presented on his face as he tugged at the vinyl cord he was holding.

Slowly, you began to walk away from the group while Nitta got back in her car before driving away and steadily grabbed onto the metal poles the were in front of you - probably built to prevent any more suicidal people from jumping over - and with much effort, began to pull yourself up to reach to the top before grabbing in the metal bar as you pulled yourself up even further.

“GOJO, WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!” Kugisaki screamed in horror, as she finally turned around to discover you pulled your body up to sit on top of the fence as you peered down to check how far you had to jump down in order to find what you were looking for in this mission.

“SHE’S NOT LISTENING!” Kugisaki yelled (once again) as she pointed at you in anger, causing the boys to turn around to see what the fuss was about before seeing the drastic measures you had taken to find the cursed spirit.

“Woah, Gojo, there’s no need for that! We have the vinyl cord for a reason!” Itadori mentioned, which seemed to be a way of getting you to come down from where you were right now as you turned to look at him before turning back at the ground below you.

“SHE’S NOT LISTENING AGAIN!” Itadori cried out in fear, as if he hadn’t done more stupid and extremes things than what you were doing right now.

“Gojo!” Fushiguro shouted before jumping up to reach the back of your school jacket, leading you to grab onto the sides of the metal bar that you were sitting on right now for support before turning back to peer at the shikigami user, ready to yell at him for disturbing your train of thought only for him to give you a pair of surprised eyes as if he remembered something.

“Get down, please,” Fushiguro quietly commanded, leading you to give him a deadpan expression before turning back to prepare to jump off since you couldn’t find another way to get down there, only for Fushiguro to pull you from your jacket once again leading your body to start to fall backwards - much to your surprise - to which caused the boys to immediately get behind you, ready to catch you so you didn’t hit the ground at all. 

“You drag!” you screamed at Fushiguro before letting your body fall towards the safe side of the metal barrier, processing to land on top of Itadori and Fushiguro as a result.

                                              ꕥ

Letting out a yawn, Itadori couldn’t help but emphasise how tired and bored he was as he remained seated on the metal railings that all four of you were sitting on right now.

“Hey, we didn’t find hide nor hair of any cursed spirit,” Kugisaki whined in annoyance as her posture slouch in disappointment, leaving Fushiguro to slouch in boredom while you had your eyes closed as if you were sleeping while sitting up straight when in reality, you were concentrating on sensing any lingering cursed energy around the area you were in right now.

Suddenly, you felt something pressed gently on the side of your head before it pushed you down to the side slowly, causing the movement to halt the second you felt someone’s shoulder being used as a pillow for your head leading a sense of confusion to rise within your stomach before you heard a few teasing sounds from Kugisaki.

“Oh~ what a gentleman Fushiguro~” Kugisaki teased, leading you to realise that your head was now resting on Fushiguro’s shoulder since it did seem like you had fallen asleep while sitting up.

“I’m surprised she can sleep while sitting up,” Itadori commented, as she leaned forward to see you in what seemed to be in a state of rest since you made the decision to keep your eyes closed.

“You should have seen her while we were training, she was asleep for so long every day,” Kugisaki mentioned as she began to recall all the times you had taken a nap during your daily training sessions with the second-years as preparation for the Kyoto Sister School Exchange Event.

                                              ꕥ

As time went by, after you had ‘woken up’ from your nap when in reality, you had given up on trying to trace a single amount of cursed energy from the distance you were away from the ground below - which was where you were trying to go from the beginning if Fushiguro didn’t pull you down - you were now in front of a small convenience store while sipping on a small carton of orange juice that you had managed to purchase as a breakfast substitute since you were surprisingly not feeling hungry at all currently.

“We didn’t sense any presences or residuals,” Fushiguro informed Nitta, who had come to pick you three up after not hearing a single thing from everything, except for all of you being hungry. 

“I see, which means this ain’t it, Guess it’s back to square one,” Nitta replied with a slight tone of disappointment as the most promising lead has been for nothing.

‘It wouldn’t be square one if you just let me jump down to the bottom to investigate…’

“Gojo, is there something wrong?” Kugisaki asked as she noticed you looking to the side with a somewhat annoyed expression planted on your face.

“It’s nothing,” you replied before taking another sip from the carton you were holding.

“But isn’t it bad if we take too long?” Itadori asked in a light serious tone.

“Why?” Kugisaki questioned, wondering why they needed to be in a hurry to finish the mission as soon as possible.

“Well, it’s a famous haunted location, right? There might still be plenty of others who got cursed and right now, the death rates at 100%. We don’t want to see others die, right?” Itadori explained as he answered Kugisaki’s previous question.

“True,” Kugisaki muttered, once she took Itadori’s theory into consideration.

“Ding-Ding! Bungee jumping was all the rage then, right? So maybe the act of jumping off is the key?” Nitta asked as she seemed excited to think of another clue on how to find the curses that were the curse for all these deaths that have been happening.

“Did she say “ding-ding”? Did she really say that?” Itadori asked as he stared at his senior in adoration.

“She did! She did!” Kugisaki replied in the same high tone with the same look at adoration at how cute Nitta was right now.

“Itadori already tried that,” Fushiguro mentioned causing the bungee jump idea to come to a halt.

“Huh?..... What?! You mean you jumped with that vinyl cord?!” Nitta screamed in shock as she began to imagine how you, Fushiguro, and Kugisaki would wrap Itadori in the cord, only for the shikigami user to fly kick him over the metal bar with you and Kugisaki holding onto the end of the cord.

“Hey, there you are!” someone shouted, causing you to look towards the direction in where the sound was coming from, only to discover one of the punks from yesterday to be on a bike with someone behind him with her arms wrapped around his waist.

“Fushiguro-san!” the punk shouted to gain the shikigami user’s attention.

“Who’s that again?” Kugisaki asked as she stared at the punk with a confused expression only for Itadori to answer her question by mentioning the people were Fushiguro’s upperclassman from his middle school and how she was ready to pick a fight with them causing her to suddenly remember who the person was.

“You were talking about Yasohachi Bridge, so...I’m really glad I found you here!” the puck mentioned with a smile on his face with slight sweat from the swift bike riding as well as a hint of fear of Fushiguro.

‘Fujinuma?...If I recall, she was a student as well…’ you thought, as you watched the girl get off of the bike she was on before walking towards the group as her eyes widened at you for a second before turning into complete confusion, leading your body to complete tense for a second.

“Fujinuma?” Fushiguro muttered causing Nitta to look at him with a perplexed expression before he clarified that she was an old classmate of his.

“My older sister,” the punk introduced the girl leading her to bow as a greeting.

“I’m glad you remember me,” Fujinuma stated in a soft-toned voice before straightening back up to face everyone within the group.

“I was talking to my sister about you yesterday, and..” the punk stated before his sister took the reins.

“Um, Morishita-san had a funeral in the neighbourhood...Then I heard from my brother that you were looking into that man and Tasohachi Bridge, so I started to wonder if they were related…” Fujinuma began to explain, leading Nitta from behind both of the people to shake her head as they needed to hide the real reason on why everyone was here right now to which Fushiguro noticed.

“If what’s related?” Fushiguro queried as if he didn’t understand what was going on.

“Morishita-san’s death and the bridge…” Fujinuma replied in a smaller tone.

“They’re not related, we just-” Fushiguro quickly countered back.

“I...I went there. In eighth grade...I went to Yasohachi Bridge at night,” Fujinuma stated as her face contorted in fear as she began to tilt her head down, causing Kugisaki to give a look as she began to wonder how many people had been to that bridge.

“Has anything odd happened at home recently? Any strange feelings that only affect you and no one else?” Nitta asked as she leaned down to face the fearful girl, only for Fujinuma to look up once again.

“My family runs a local branch shop...and the shop’s automatic door is wide open only when I come home. Mom and Dad both say it’s just a coincidence, but there’s definitely something there. It scared me. That’s when I heard about you and remembered the Yasohachi Bridge,” the girl replied as she began to shiver in fear while trying to recall all the same incidents happening to her.

“When did the issue with your automatic door start?” Nitta queried, trying to get enough information as sly as possible.

“It’s happened about every other day for exactly one week now,” Fujinuma replied in a shaky tone.

‘There’s at least two weeks between when the four victims noticed something and their deaths,’ Fushiguro thought.

‘We still have some time,’ Itadori thought, encouraged by the fact that there was some amount of time left to save someone from the cycle that was happening right now.

“You didn’t go to Yasohachi Bridge by yourself at the time, did you? Do you remember who you went with?” Kugisaki asked, trying to make sure there weren't any other victims that you all were missing at this current moment in time.

“Um, so this really does have something to do with…” Fujinuma mentioned in a stutter, scared that her life might now be at risk.

“Just with your automatic door. But it has nothing to do with Morishita-sans’s death. Fushiguro-kun and the others are helping me with my college report: Electromagnetic Waves from Haunted Locations and their Effects on Electronics, it’s a huge pain in my gut!” Nitta responded quickly, before suddenly linking arms with you causing you to put on a realistic fake smile to hold the lie in place.

“But I want to hear from all kinds of people, so I’d love to hear who you went with,” Nitta continued, trying to make the girl calm herself down while reminding her the fact that they now have to save her life before something could happen to her.

“I went on a test of courage with two others from my club. That’s right. Fushiguro-kun, Tsumiki-san was with us then, too,” Fujinuma announced, causing you to halt for a second while Itadori and Kugisaki were shocked at the fact that Fushiguro’s sister was involved in this too.

“I see. Then I’ll try asking Tsumiki, too,” Fushiguro replied calmly.

“There was also another person there at the bottom of the bridge, but I don’t remember really clearly of her at all...she was wearing our uniform thought, sort of reminds me of her,” Fujinuma stated as she pointed off to somewhere, leading your whole body to become suddenly numb at the fact that her finger was directing pointing at you causing your classmates to turn to you in fear at what might happening to you if her statement was true.

“Sorry, but I never been here at all, maybe you have the wrong person?” you unconcernedly suggested, trying to change you from being the topic of the conversation leading the girl to look confused again before gasping on how silly she was being before mentioning that she had never even met you and that she apologised for scaring you.

“Okay, then I’ll escort these two home. Please keep working on the report,” Nitta mentioned to the four of you with a smile on her face.

“Something’s up, isn’t it?” Fujinuma’s brother asked leading Nitta to form another excuse on how she could let them ride a bike back after making them petal all the way here, causing you to turn around and take a deep breath the second they began walking away.

“Fushiguro,” Itadori called out in worry before repeating his name again louder as he proceeded to grab onto his friend’s shoulder, only to see the look of unknown fear painted across Fushiguro’s face.

“Fushiguro, snap out of it, make sure she’s safe first,” Itadori muttered in reassurance, as he turned his body to face his friend to help him calm down.

“I’m fine,” Fushiguro muttered in a low tone, once he was able to snap out of his fear daze but apologising to his friend as he needed to take a step back for a second before reaching into his pocket to grab his phone to make a call leaving Kugisaki to come to your side and ask a few questions for you to answer.

“What was she talking about? Were you really a part of that school? Were you really at Yasohachi bridge back then? Answer me, Gojo!” Kugisaki asked in a panic, as you just stared at her with a blank look on your face before letting out a sigh.

“I’ve never been there before until yesterday, I have never been here at all, to begin with. There is no way I could be at that bridge,” you answered, trying to convert the conversation into something different, only for Itadori to turn his body to face you directly as he questioned you again about your ‘involvement’ in everything that's happening right now.

“Why are random people saying if they remember you then, does your cursed technique allow you to manipulate someone’s mind or anything?” Itadori asked as he needed to understand why a few people mentioned about you when you had said you have never been here at this location ever in your life.

“I don’t have a technique that does that, they have been talking about a girl that looks like me,” you answered while proceeding to cross your arms to stay as persuasive as you could while trying to hide a piece of your past that you had already somewhat erased out of everyone’s minds.

‘If they are somehow recalling some bits here and there...what about Fushiguro?’ you thought as you closed your eyes to lessen the headache that was gradually coming from the back of your head.

‘There isn’t enough time to think about it at all...these three need to get out of here before I go investigate the whole thing myself...that is...if my theory is correct like last time’

Suddenly, you reached into the pocket of your skirt before taking out your phone to swiftly call Nitta to pick everyone up from where she had left all of you causing Itadori and Kugisaki to look at you in complete confusion.

                                              ꕥ

“Just get in the car,” you commanded in a low and threatening tone, causing the three first-years to look at you in shock before all three were pushing down into the back seats of the car.

“Us three? What about you Gojo?” Itadori asked in a panic, as he wasn’t sure why you were pushing everyone into the car that Nitta was pulled in - to which she understood why you were doing this at this moment in time.

“The mission has gone into a higher rank than what it was previously predicted, I’ll come back once I’m done with the whole thing,” you stated in a serious manner as you processed to push Itadori further into the car causing Fushiguro and Kugisaki to be squashed behind him before slamming the car door shut before anyone could escape out of the vehicle leaving you alone once the car had driven off with all three of your classmates inside of it.

                                              ꕥ

‘If I remember, you go down here’ you thought, as you began to slide down to the bottom of the ground before walking forward out of the wood, to only find yourself in the same spot you were two years ago in a different sort of uniform.

Taking your katana out of the shoulder bag you were carrying, you hooked it on your lower back before taking the familiar blue metal pole out of the same back before hooking it on to the side of your belt causing it to dangle once it was secured onto your side.

‘If my theory was right along, there should be an incomplete domain lingering around here...meaning there is a possibility that Sukuna’s finger is within a finger bearer if I enter it…’

“What a drag,” you muttered under your breath before sliding your katana out of its wooden sheath as you swift swang it behind you, causing the tip of the blade to be an inch away from Itadori’s neck to which lead the sorcerer to lean his head back in shock as your sudden speed.

“Why are you all here? Didn’t I tell you all to go home and I would deal with this?” you rhetorically asked as you pulled your katana back from Itadori leading him to relax as he let out a breath of relief.

“Fushiguro told us everything and that's what led us to help you out,” Kugisaki mentioned causing your eyes to shift from her to the shikigami user.

“We don’t want you to do this alone, you don’t have to tell us everything you are hiding Gojo, just let us help you,” Itadori pleaded with you as his hands were pressed together in a way to convey a ‘please’ to you.

“I...I can’t tell you anything...I’m sorry,” you muttered, as you slide your katana back into its black wooden casing, causing the trio to look at you with worry in their eyes as they were anxious that the secret you were keeping was something that was going to eat you inside as they were already cautious about your wellbeing if the cursed spirit was now going to target you due to Fujinuma sudden assumption.

                                              ꕥ

After the sudden intrusion of your classmates (much to your dismay), everyone started to walk towards the area where everyone believed the domain was going to be.

Crossing a river or other border - acts that symbolise crossing into the afterlife - carry important meaning in sorcery.

Confidently, everyone took one step forward causing a reaction of electricity to conduct as your foot hit the ground causing it to erupt as the domain suddenly enclosed everyone that had taken a step within its territory.

“There it is,” Itadori stated as he stared up at the curse, leading everyone to prepare themselves with their weapons of choice.

“This one will be rewarding to exorcise,” Kugisaki commented, as she confidently smiled at the scene in front of her.

Suddenly, you had sensed something coming from behind causing you to turn your head to the side to find a disgusting looking creature coming towards you leading everyone to move away slightly as the creature spun in the air before landing in front of all of you.

“What’s this? Someone beat me here?” the creature asked in a weird voice.

“Huh?” Kugisaki yelled out in annoyance.

“Fushiguro, this one’s a different case, right?” Itadori asked as he faced the new cursed spirit that decided to make an appearance.

“Yeah,” Fushiguro confirmed, leading Itadori to close his hands into a fist as they suddenly became consumed with his cursed energy.

“Then you three focus on that other one, I’ll exorcise this one,” Itadori stated as he raised his hands.

“What? You’re going to play with me? I wanted the older sister to,” the curse asked, causing you to shiver as you came to the sudden realisation that this curse was most likely with the others that were at the Kyoto Exchange event.

However, before even one could even move you rapidly unsheath your katana from your wooden casing as you spun around to block the sudden sneak attack that was behind you before utilising your cursed energy to your legs to give you the strength to halt your movement as the sudden intruder in front of you widened their eyes in shock at your sudden speed.

“That isn’t going to work on me again, you drag,” you muttered in a menacing tone causing your new opponent to laugh as they snapped out of their shock.

“Please, call me your mother again,” the woman stated as she smirked at you, leading a wave of anger and excitement to consume your body.

“Please, I….can’t wait to kill you,” you replied back with a crazed smile.

© violettelueur 2021 : written and published by violettelueur - do not steal or repost