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rex101111 · 3 years ago

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For a glass of Cactus Wine

Summary: Migelo does both his duties at the fete, one to the Empire, and the other to his kids.

Rating: T

Fandom: Final Fantasy XII

Well! Been a while since I wrote something substantial, but @sevi007 has been doing a live blog of this game, thus reminding me how much I love it, and so here’s a fic depicting the one missing scene in this game I really wanted to see, also to give Lizard dad the content he deserves. Enjoy!

Seeing Arcadian troops stomp in the halls of the Royal Palace made Migelo want to crawl right out of his hide. It’s been two years since those bastards in their tin plates stomped into his home and his city and still he could only barely keep his anger in check at how disrespectful the whole lot of them were.

Leaning on pillars built centuries past, wiping their feet on rugs that took months to weave, pointing and laughing like children at art that they would never understand the importance of. If he heard another one of these piss-drunk bureaucrats call one more thing in this palace “quaint” he’s going to use that same thing to break it over their heads.

Still, years of experience in burying his feelings and opinions about his costumers helped him plaster a smile on his snout. This was simply business, he was providing sundries and food for an event, like he’s done dozens and dozens of times over his long career.

“Watch that crate!” He yelled out to one of the servants, “it’s got wine in it, worth more than ten of your lifetimes! Handle it with a bit of care why don’t you?” The servant sheepishly apologized and asked for help from another servant as Migelo turned his gaze elsewhere, “dear girl, you’ll break your back like that!” He went to a maid and corrected her posture and how she held her tray of food, “there we go now, better?”

“Thanks Migelo.” The maid smiled gratefully, before her face turned sour, “these imperials get nasty when they’re drunk, they keep asking me to run back and forth for all sorts of nonsense.” She sighed harshly, “probably just want a peek up my skirt.”

“You let ol’ Migelo handle them, Meina.” He soothes, turning her to a different direction, “empty that tray and take a break for ten minutes, I’ll have someone else make sure they don’t notice you gone, yes?”

She went off with a smile and Migelo continued like that, his time cleaved cleanly between ordering servants this way and that soothing fraying nerves. This fete needed to go flawlessly, with the consul himself attending every hand on deck needed to give it their all and then some. If the pompous royal left this evening with a good opinion of his food, he might transfer said opinion to the rest of the city. If he did that, maybe his boys and girls could have more room to breathe.

He looked ruefully over the staff, some of the younger ones he’s known since they were children, helped them train for applying for work in the palace. Rabanastre was a small city, everyone knew everyone, and that only became stronger as the plague and the war ravaged the place. Seeing these kids, his kids, running around like cockatrices with their heads cut off for the sake of their invaders made a lick of fire burn in his gut, no matter how hard he tried to douse it.

Worse of all was that he knew he was delaying the inevitable, he had an invitation to answer soon, and the longer he ignored the worse things would get not only for himself, but everyone else living in Rabanastre.

He took a few long breathes, practiced his best servile smile in a nearby plate, pictured the smiling face of every single child under his care in his mind, and went off to sit at the right of the eldest living son of Emperor Gramis, Vayne Carudas Solidor.

The consul was deep in debate with the others sitting at his table, something about tax rates and territory dispute that went right over Migelo’s head, but as soon as the old bangaa drew close enough, as if he could hear his footsteps over the rancor of the room, Vayne stopped talking and turned his head to meet his gaze.

“Ah, Sir Migelo, so nice of you to finally join me.” He motioned for one of the nearby soldiers to pull back the chair at his right side, “please, sit.”

With practice ease, and complaining stomach, Migelo bowed in apology, “I hope you would forgive me, Lord Consul, I had so many things to fix and move, my responsibilities nearly made me forget your most gracious offer.”

“Think nothing of it good Sir,” Vayne waved off easily, “We should all wish to have your work ethic Migelo, so we could accomplish our own work half as well.” Vayne complimented him smoothly as Migelo finally sat, the others at the table nodding sycophantically, before beginning to pour the store owner a glass of red wine. “But, let me remind you that I asked of you to refer to me by my first name.”

Taking the glass with all the grace he could manage, Migelo bowed his head again with an outwardly warm smile, “ah, forgive this old lizard sir consul, I still feel ill at ease referring to one of your station so informally.” The other reason was the only people he called by name were his friends and his kids, and Vayne is not, would never be, either. “Perhaps I’ll manage that better,” he made a show of laughing from his belly, “with a bit of fine Arcadian wine in my system, eh?”

“Of course.” Vayne’s sharp eyes and sharper smile made Migelo feel as if he were strapped to a table, “please, indulge as you please, we have all night after all.”

Nodding, Migelo started to drain his glass, and had to fight his gag reflex with every gulp. Arcadian wine made you feel like someone was trying to prove something to you, too rich, too fruity, too damn much. Seeing the people around him gulp this stuff down was aggravating as it was confusing, you could stuff as many flowers into a bottle of Slaven piss as you wanted, it was still a drink of cold piss.

Decades of honing his poker face in the interest of more returning costumers made sure none of that disgust was visible on his face of course, to any casual observer Migelo savored every drop of the expensive Slaven piss, finishing his glass with a pleasured sigh. “Ahh, what an excellent, uh, flavor profile! So full of life and character!” He turned to the consul with a toothy grin, “How’s about you give me another to loosen my tongue?”

“You are a man of great taste, Sir Migelo.” Vayne complimented, smiling thinly as he filled the offered cup before filling his own. “I’ve heard Dalmascans do not have a high opinion of my home’s signature brew.”

“Bah.” Migelo scoffed easily, “children with no experience on their tongues Lord Consul, nothing to be offended by.” He internally grits his teeth, he heard some of the younger men voice some of their very loud opinions about Arcadian wine in a place where a couple of soldiers could hear them. It ended well for absolutely no one, and he was only glad to make sure his kids didn’t see or hear it. “We Dalmascans are very proud of our own drinks, I think you would see it would make sense to be a bit defensive.” He took another gulp, “pardon m’candor, of course.”

“Indeed.” Vayne nodded, finishing his own glass, “and you have a great many things to be proud of, I’ve heard a fair share of good things about Dalmascan cactus wine.” He looked at Migelo with a gaze that made his scales itch, “have you tried it before?”

He was almost insulted the man had to ask, “o’course I did lord consul!” He tried to be casual about it, but a bit of hometown pride seemed to seep in every other word, “Cactus Wine is easy to brew in large amounts, made from Cactoid fruit and the sands are absolutely littered with the little buggers, it’s what you order when you have something to celebrate or as a victory drink.” Migelo could go for an entire barrel of it right now. “It’s a…simple drink. Simple but hearty.”

Vayne nodded politely as the bangaa went on, before he took the bottle of his expensive wine and looked at it quietly, “…I suppose there hasn’t been much call for it, lately.”

Migelo nearly swallowed his tongue, for all his talk of taking in all of Dalmasca’s hatred onto himself, the consul seemed adept at choosing words to inspire said hatred. “Y-No, Lord Consul, not a lot to celebrate.” He quickly recovered, smiling again as he waved his glass about, “b-but fret not! Us Dalmascans find reason to celebrate no matter the weather! You’ll have your taste of cactus wine before long don’t you worry!”

“Why wait my friend?” Vayne said smoothly, Migelo barely exerting the restraint he needed to stop himself from cursing the consul out on considering himself something he is not, “I have found myself a few bottles for this grand occasion.”

Migelo was stopped short, he had double checked every scrap of food and drink meant for this fete, triple checking the alcohol in particular, and he was sure there wasn’t a drop of cactus wine in the whole palace, he figured the imperials wouldn’t want to touch the stuff. “Y-you did? F-from where lord consul?”

“From the palace cellars of course.” He replied, motioning with his hand to another maid, Kayta if Migelo remembers right, who held a very familiar clay jug in her hands. “If one kind of wine isn’t enough to call me friend, perhaps two would suffice.”

Migelo held Kayta’s conflicted gaze for a moment, before he turned to Vayne with a doubtful expression, “the cellars my lord? Those haven’t been disturbed since the war ended! Who knows what kind of vermin have found their way to the stores?”

“I had my men carefully inspect each bottle.” Vayne assured, which only made Migelo more ill thinking about what Imperial soldiers considered inspecting. “Please, do not be reticent, I find myself curious what a man of your expertise has to say about the difference between one wine and the other.”

Kayta poured Migelo a glass with a sorrowful expression, Migelo soothing the girl as best he could with a smile only she could see, and the bangaa took a long whiff of the drink, before slowly draining his glass.

Cactus wine was sweet, almost sweet enough you could give it to a child without them puffing their little face. Its taste was subtle, airy, doing nothing more than what a wine ought to do and made your face and belly warm. It was cheap drink, cheap enough that working folk could indulge in it without endangering their pay over-much.

It was Dalmasca to the last drop, warm and honest.

“So, sir Migelo?” Vayne inquired when the bangaa finished and had not said a word, “how is your home’s brew compared to mine?”

He was quiet for a few more moments before he turned to the consul, “I must admit to having a bias sir.” He put the glass back down on the table gently, reaching over to grab a grape nearby to soak some of the alcohol in his system, “I’ve been drinking cactus wine since I was a whelp, y’see, it’s a drink for the heart as much for the stomach nowadays.”

Vayne chuckled good naturedly, “well, now you have me curious.” He picked up his own glass and motioned for Kayta to fill it, the girl nearly tripping over herself to bow as she poured without spilling it on him. He took a careful sip…and stopped, an emotion Migelo could not name fliting across his face. “…it tastes…” The consul was quiet for a moment, the rest of the table perfectly silent to await his judgment, “…honest.”

Migelo released a breath he didn’t know he was holding, allowing himself the tiniest amount of pride as he looked at Vayne, “Dalmasca knows no other way, Lord Consul.”

“Pritas.” Vayne looked at one of the people sitting at the table, some peacock in a stuffy red shirt with a pencil moustache, “you should try it, I am certain people in Archades would flock to try this, exotic yet gentle on the tongue.”

Pritas hurriedly motioned for Kayta to pour him a glass, and no sooner than he had a drop of it he was nodding enthusiastically, “y-yes Lord Vayne! You are absolutely correct; everyone will want a bottle of this for any price!”

Migelo, despite his mood and the alcohol in his system, found himself smiling at the sound of it, feeling someone patting his shoulder. “Migelo, after the fete be sure to grant Pritas here the information for whoever you get your cactus wine from, they’ll find more business than ever.”

Migelo could picture the family of brewers in his head, nearly jumping for joy at the chance that fell into their laps, a contract to sell cactus wine halfway across Ivalice. He then imagined their faces when he told them to which half of Ivalice the wine would go. He imagines the shock, the outrage, the sorrow.

He imagines the table with one more chair then they needed, the extra gathering dust for two years now.

“Yes, Lord Consul.” He said as calmly as he could manage, looking into the face of a man whose night has gone exactly as he had planned, down to the last detail, painting a smiling on his snout. “Thank you for this opportunity, I’m sure they’ll see this as a chance to build their life back up to how it was…” He could feel his lips curling over his teeth. “…before the war, that is.”

Vayne’s face drew downwards slightly, an almost robotic motion, “yes, the war has devastated both sides long enough,” He squeezed the shoulder he was holding, in a move meant to be reassuring, “it is past time we helped each other back onto our feet.”

Vaan crying into his shoulder, cursing and yelling and screaming every curse he knew. Penelo holding him tightly as she sobbed. Fire in the sky, visible from his window.

His home, under siege and under iron boots.

Migelo bit his tongue, brought to mind every orphan he and Old Dalan have struggled to keep fed and working and warm, and managed an impossible smile, “yes…way past time…Lord Consul.”

Vayne shook his head with a fond smile, and poured Migelo another cup of Arcadian wine. Migelo drained it without tasting a drop.

(Not long after, barely an hour after, he sees his boy in chains and his girl crying for his freedom, and all the wine in his veins is cold and freezing.

As they dragged his boy away, as his girl fell into the arms of Kayta as she sobbed, Vayne Carudas Solidor came to him, smiled, and clapped his shoulder.)

#Final Fantasy 12 #Migelo #Stuff rex wrote #Cactus wine #Migelo has a hell of a time taking care of his kids

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bookersebastien · 4 years ago

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blame @nicolodigenovas for inspiring me to write this (based on this amazing post)

It was a nice afternoon, clear and sunny, and absolutely perfect for lounging under a tree in the park with his latest read, an intense old italian romance that made him miss his home country. Instead, Nile was leading him across town with a jump in her step, to a tattoo shop of all places. He’d never shown any interest in the idea of them, he barely thought of them as art but the excitement on Nile’s face when she told him she got an apprenticeship with an amazing local tattoo artist he couldn’t say no to her - not after all the medieval literature readings he’d dragged her along to.

The shop itself was nice, large arching windows framing an intricately carved black door with the name painted on the front in a shimmering gold, and even Nicky had to admit he chuckled at it; “A Piece of Immortality,” it was rather poetic he thought.

Nile was practically bouncing through the door, eyes as wide as her smile as the bell chimed, dragging Nicky by the hand inside. Her excitement only seemed to rival his when he found himself pouring over old scriptures late at night in the library, maybe even surpassed it as she immediately dropped Nicky’s hand and ran over to the man at the counter; Nicky couldn’t understand what she said from here, but she was animatedly nodding along to what he was saying, his gaze a bit unsteady as he pulled some pages from behind the counter, much to her delight, as she began to pour over them.

The shop was very open, and Nicky found himself strangely welcomed by the warm colors that contrasted nicely with the cool metal accents adorning the walls and chairs, but more than that he could see Nile working here; he could easily picture her at her own station, completely engrossed in a new project, spending hour after hour learning new tricks and new styles, excitedly helping clients find the perfect thing to put on their bodies forever - though, Nicky could never understand why someone would do such a thing, Nile loved it and he wanted to support her as best he could.

A tall, dark-haired woman emerged from the back room and Nile wasted no time in introducing her to Nicky as Andy, one of the owners of the shop, as she was embraced in a crushing hug. Nicky glanced over at her arm, an amalgamation of black lines and words etched onto her skin; he could see a dragon looping around her arm, it’s body slinking up nearly its entire length, its face painted with a menacing scowl.

“Come on, you have to see the new stuff we’ve been working on and you’re going to love Yusuf’s!” Andy said, giving him a small nod before leading Nile to the back room. She shot him a giddy smile before following after Andy as fast as was professionally appropriate, leaving Nicky alone in the front room, save for the man behind the counter who looked like he’d sooner fall over drunk than actually be able to answer any questions as he paged through a book with glassy eyes, a not so subtly placed flask next to him, and the man sitting in a nearby chair, who nearly took Nicky’s breath away.

He was reclined in the chair, hands behind his head as his eyes trailed over the photos on the wall where there were countless tattoos pictured in so many styles and colors, Nicky almost wasn’t sure where to look but he felt his gaze travel back to the man before him. He was wearing a faded yellow shirt, thick curls tucked under a backwards baseball cap and the deepest brown eyes Nicky had ever seen. However, none of those things compared to the smile he gave Nicky when he turned around, a brilliant and encompassing smile that Nicky was sure put the sun itself to shame. Suddenly he was no longer missing the day he had planned.

Nicky somehow managed a smile back, awkwardly crossing his arms across his chest while he watched the stranger stare up at him, utterly lost in his eyes until he realized the man was actually speaking to him.

“Huh?” Was the only word he could manage, giving his head a small shake.

“You look a little bit lost,” he said, eyes crinkling as he managed another heart-stopping smile.

“Yes, well I’ve never been in a tattoo shop before.” Nicky tried to laugh, but his nerves twisted it into a rather unsettling chuckle. It didn’t help that the man was still smiling up at him, and if he was aware of the way Nicky’s eyes watched him adjust his hat, he didn’t indicate it.

“Ahh, well you certainly look cute when you’re confused.” He winked and Nicky’s breath caught in his throat, which he only just managed to play off as a cough. The man grinned, clearly happy with Nicky’s reaction.

Seconds passed, and then some more and Nicky still couldn’t manage to get words out, his mind circling over the word ‘cute’ like a vulture, except a vulture probably doesn’t have to deal with getting compliments from cute guys and probably sweats less than he was right now. A million things were running through his head, but none of them seemed like good responses, especially to a man as gorgeous as him.

And it was again that Nicky realized too late that the man had said something again. “I am so sorry! What was that?” he asked, kicking himself while he plastered on a smile he knew wouldn’t hide his growing blush.

The man chuckled. “I asked if you were here to get a tattoo,” he said, turning in his chair to face Nicky directly, clearly enjoying how flustered he was getting, wringing his hands together in front of him and eyes flicking back and forth towards him.

NIcky’s eyes widened, his response coming quickly from his mouth. “Oh, definitely not! I don’t really get the whole tattoo thing, I mean I guess you’re here to get one but honestly why even do this?” His hands moved in the air in front of him, voice tinged with a slight annoyance while he eyed the images on the wall, the ghost of a grimace crossing his face.

“And what do you mean by that?” The man’s tone was low, eyes narrowed, but Nicky didn’t seem to notice as he took a step closer to the wall, pointing lazily at the photos.

“It’s like this,” Nicky slipped into a neighboring chair, “most people regret their tattoos later in life, and it’s like the shop says, they’re immortal, they stay on your body forever. And besides that, why would people even choose to put this on their bodies? It’s not even art!”

The man eyed him with growing resentment, lips turned down; Nicky clearly didn’t realize who he was but his words stung nonetheless. His thoughts went to the tattoos that were sprawled across his arms, covered by the sleeves of his shirt, and the tattoos, his tattoos that were displayed on the wall, among those of Andy’s and Booker’s.

“Hm, that sure is something to say to a man in his own tattoo shop,” he spoke carefully, his back rigid and shoulders stiff.

Nicky paused, unsure of what he meant by that when Nile suddenly came running up to him, gripping his arm and giving it a friendly tug. “Yusuf, your new stuff is amazing! The color scheme is perfect, I mean the client is going to love it!”

Nicky gulped.

Oh.

Oh fuck.

He could feel his palms start to sweat and no amount of wiping them against his pants was doing any good. Of course Nicky would meet a cute guy and manage to insult not only him, but his entire livelihood and there was no way he could pretend he didn’t mean every word he had said, not with the way he had said them.

Nile turned to him, oblivious and Nicky rubbed at the stubble on his cheek.

“I see you met Yusuf, isn’t his stuff amazing?” She gestured to the photos on the wall and even though there was no way Nicky could know which were his, his eyes leaned towards the ones with sweeping, careful and thin lines - he could almost picture Yusuf sketching them out on paper with a careful precision.

“Was Yusuf showing it to you?” she asked, moving to stand next to Nicky, her eyes lit up with a familiar passion.

“Not exactly,” Yusuf said flatly.

“Oh, what were you talking about then?”

At Nile’s question, Nicky could feel the shame curl in his stomach and he didn’t even know how to begin to explain to her exactly how badly he fucked up. But apparently he didn’t need to because Yusuf rose from his chair, casually rolling up his sleeves to display arms that were nearly completely covered in tattoos. And Nicky had been right, he could see the similarity between them and the ones of his clients in the photos, though some were no doubt work from his colleagues.

“Nicky here was just telling me how much he doesn’t like tattoos, what was it you said?” Yusuf was nearly glaring at him, arms crossed across his chest and Nicky knew there were no words to make up for what he did. “Oh yes, it was ‘it’s not even art.’”

Nile’s mouth dropped open, eyebrows raised and eyes flicking between the two before Yusuf spoke up again, “I think you should go.”

And Yusuf was right.

Nile placed a hand over Yusuf’s arm, whispering a quick apology to him before pulling Nicky from the shop, her steps hard and purposeful, body tense. Nicky just followed quietly, not even glancing back at Yusuf, whose eyes he could feel watching him as he left the shop just as Andy emerged from the back room with a question on her lips that he was too far to hear, but he didn’t need to hear it to know what it was about.

The afternoon air was cooler than earlier, a little biting against his skin but he barely had time to enjoy it because as soon as they passed the windows, Nile turned to him with an exasperated look. She glanced back towards the shop longingly, taking a moment to collect her thoughts before speaking.

“Nicky why would you say that? I know you’re not like that, you can’t tell me that you really think that,” she said, sounding almost disappointed with hands dropped at her side.

“Nile, I’m so sorry!” He pressed his hands to his chest, eyes pleading as he watched her run a hand over her jacket to smooth the collar, a nervous tick of hers.

“Nicky, this is my job. I just got this apprenticeship!” She gestured to the shop next to them. “You can’t just say stuff like that, I thought you were working past some of that conservative stuff!”

And he had, mostly. There were just some things that were hard to shake off after growing up in a strict catholic household, but that was something he loved about his studies. He loved to be able to study the literature and learn about the religions from around the world, it allowed him to see so much more than he was exposed to when he was younger and he could grow into a more accepting person than he was raised to be.

“I will fix it, okay? I will fix it, Nile, I promise!” He grabbed her hand and she gave him a polite smile and a small nod, letting him leave while she headed back to the shop, hands tucked into her pockets.

And Nicky would figure something out, if not to fix it but at least to give a worthy apology - both to Yusuf and Nile. She didn’t deserve this, and she was right, he was trying to get past some of his conservative ideals and if he was being honest with himself, he wasn’t even completely sure he truly believed in what he said. It had all come out without a second thought and he could still see the pain etched onto Nile’s face and how utterly upset Yusuf was at his words.

He would figure something out, he had to.

#the old guard #the old guard fic #tog fic #tog tattoo au #userlyde #mywriting #its been a hot minute since ive written anything but lyde you inspired me #also ive read through this like 3 times and i guarantee theres still mistakes so oh well

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firefield · 4 years ago

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David Bowie - Reality (2003)

“The thing, probably, that keeps me writing is this awful feeling that there are no absolutes. That there is no truth. That we are, as I’ve been thinking for so many years now, fully in the swirl of chaos theory.” DB, 2003

I always learn new things about David Bowie whenever I listen through his complete discography chronologically, and this run through is no different. As I get close to the end here, I’m reminded how much less I know about these later works, due simply to the fact that they have existed for a much shorter time, and my experience with them is more limited. “Reality” rocks more than I realized on release day, especially coming off the heels of “Heathen” with all its layers and mystery and subtleties. An empty house afforded the opportunity to really crank this one up, a vinyl pass, and CD pass, and finally the 5.1 surround sound edition - and yeah - DB said he wanted a simpler sound, and wanted a record that could be translated into a live show easily and effectively and he got that in spades.

As with all his post-80’s work, and especially his post-heart attack material, “Reality” embraces the darker and more cynical side of DB’s many characters - from the irony of the album title with album art portraying a very cartoony space-man Bowie looking about as unreal and non-Reality as possible and still be recognizable - to DB’s insistence that he made a “positive!” record despite themes of aging and death, loneliness and anonymity, geopolitical strife, day-in-day-out mundanity and the creeping threat of urbanization to nature. Regarding the subject matter of Reality he told Interview Magazine, “This is probably a period when, more than any other time, the idea that our absolutes are disintegrating is manifest in real terms. Truths that we always thought we could stand by are crumbling before our eyes. It really is quite traumatic.”

I read quotes like that and I think, for a guy that is largely known for (and criticized for) his ability to synthesize the past and his surroundings into something entirely David-Bowieingly unique, he certainly shows skill at synthesizing the future as well. Beyond things like financial chicanery like Bowie Bonds and the impact of the internet on the creation and distribution of music, Bowie often hit at the very essence of what unites as well as divides.

The seeds of this malleablity of truth that DB describes had been planted in my country during the civil rights movement and the tragedy of the Vietnam War, but began to flower and bloom after the 9/11 event - affecting Bowie’s home turf and his family profoundly. Heathen is prescient, Reality is a little angry about things. DB took time to specifically say what Reality was not: it was not an angry album, it was not a response to 9/11, it was not his “New York Album” - but then he’d spend just as much time gently walking back those claims, almost wondering aloud if it was, in fact, all of those things and more. He speaks around this time about how naturally writing music came to him. Unforced, calmly. I think this “flow” is why you can glean so many little contradictions about Reality and it’s intentions and meaning. He’s letting it happen, not dictating the plot; the tensions of that city and that moment in time allowed to mold and shape the work. Polar opposite to the Heathen recording environment at Allaire Studios in the Catskill Mountains, Reality was recorded in the cramped Studio B of Philip Glass’s Looking Glass Studios in NYC and both those disparate studio choices impact their respective products acutely.

Reality is Bowie’s most “hands-on” record since Diamond Dogs, employing all his multi-instrumentalist abilities, and it’s also one of his most thoroughly demoed. Most all of Reality was demoed out in Studio B by DB and Tony Visconti playing all the instruments, with Mario McNulty (the same engineer DB would later trust with the posthumous reimagining/re-recording of Never Let Me Down) as studio assistant. According to Tony, he had a feeling that many of these “demo tracks” would not ever actually be re-recorded, so they were laid down at a useable fidelity. Consequently, much of the demo material survived on the final album. The band brought in for final overdubs was chosen with the live show in mind specifically. This was a smaller, tighter unit of BowieLive veterans and by all accounts recording was smooth and productive.

New Killer Star opens the record, and is also Reality’s debut single (that contained one of his more surprising B-sides, Sigue Sigue Sputnik’s ‘Love Missle F1-11’) and is a spectacular Earl Slick led hazy, woozy guitar statement.

This is followed by The Modern Lovers - Pablo Picasso - recorded in 1972 but delayed until their 1976 debut. This track mimics the space occupied by the Pixies cover Cactus - the second track on Heathen - DB pulling tracks from his past that he enjoys and placing them where they give the record momentum. Quite a different interpretation if you have heard the original - DB took liberties with both the lyric and the arrangement and it’s a cool little track.

Never Get Old follows and addresses the common theme of time and aging in DB compositions…. (Cygnet Committee, Time, Hearts Filthy Lesson, Changes, Fantastic Voyage, and many more) and the composition itself references much of his past in Space Oddities countdown, the elongated guitar strands of Heroes, bits of melody from Crack City, the four-walls-closing-in sense of Low and some of Hunky Dory’s ominous moments. A pounding live favorite.

…and seamlessly right into The Loneliest Guy. Anyone who saw the Reality Tour knows the captivating power of this piece, and it’s honesty and fragility was one of a few reasons why I thought this would be DB’s final album.

Looking For Water. Man, I *love* this song. It’s one of my favorite vocal performances on Reality and would certainly end up on my list of “underrated DB songs” were I compelled to make one. I like repetition in music, and it’s hypnotic and mantra-esque qualities - and this is one that always gets a significant volume boost.

She’ll Drive The Big Car - a supercool stab of Bowie sash and swagger, and a killer vocal performance, masking some seriously sad lyrics. Bowie manages to sound defiant, tired, funky, deferential, sexy and soulful all in the course of a single song. He’s such an effortlessly great singer, that’s it’s easy to become so accustomed to it that you almost miss it. It’s just “him.”

The exceedingly sweet “Days” fits nicely with all of Realities reflections, and has for me become a song I pay much more attention to since we lost the man to cancer.

Fall Dog Bombs The Moon is one of DB’s most overtly political songs, and was apparently written very quickly - under a half and hour - and directly addresses the Iraq War and the profiteering involved. Relatively bleak with murky lyrics, it’s a interesting and unique DB composition.

Try Some, Buy Some is just beautiful and I think one of Bowie’s most interesting and genuinely heart-felt covers (along with Waterloo Sunset, also from these sessions.) The inspiration to do this song comes directly from the 1971 Ronnie Spector version and the impact it had on him personally. DB seems to be absolutely sincere when he claimed that he had completely forgotten that it was a George Harrison composition until he sat down to work on the album credits.

Next up is the sizzling rocker Reality that has one foot in Tin Machine and one foot in The Next Day. Love Earl’s guitar sound here. Like New Killer Star, the guitar layers in this one sound amazing on the 5.1 surround mix.

Ahh yeah. Another in an amazing number of fantastic Bowie album closers. I’ve made it a point in my life to quit ranking art into “good/better/best/sucks categories and hierarchies and see art as an experience, not a competition. My friends know this about me, and consequently tease me and attempt to prod me into breaking this creed. Under unrelenting pressure to name a “favorite David Bowie track” I named Bring Me The Disco King.

I could give many reasons why this would be the one…. The repetition I mentioned earlier, here found in Matt Chamberlain’s drum loop (interestingly snagged from ‘When The Boys Come Marching Home,’) the overwhelming sense I had when I first heard it that this was DB’s final record, the sense that the threat of jazz that had always pounded on David’s door in his chord structures and harmonies had finally broken down the door… the very tangible sense that this was a composition that had already had a long life but stayed tucked into the shadows by its unsatisfied creator, only to be given life and light on this great album after it had been stripped down to almost nothing - simplicity being the sought after key to its finally being allowed to soar. If it’s not already obvious, I think this song is magnificent. Literally. The fact that David knew it was deep inside there, he just had to mine it out over the course of a decade or so is extraordinary.

Couple of thoughts about a track that didn’t fit well on Reality but made it to bonus/B-sides…

How cool is his cover of The Kinks Waterloo Sunset? In the years after his death, when I feel that loss in my heart, it’s Waterloo Sunset I turn up to 11 and allow it to yank me back out of that murk.

“People so busy

makes me feel dizzy

but I don’t feel afraid

as long as I gaze on Waterloo Sunset

I am in paradise.”

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billantoinette · 3 years ago

Text

Do you remember you took a thrashing for me?

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queenlua · 4 years ago

Text

The Good Game Critics TM (a giant post o’ links)

yesterday i was complaining:

damn, how come the only people who are writing The Good Video Game Criticism TM are exclusively relegated to… abandoned Blogspots and Tumblrs that haven’t been updated in five years…?

and someone asked:

addadashofpepper: can you like, post links to some of these? cause the thing about these is that they are really hard to find!

oh boy, tumblr user @addadashofpepper, i would be DELIGHTED to share. i dug through my RSS reader / bookmarks, and here’s what leapt out at me:

[under a cut because this got LONG and i got EXCITED]

ella guro: indie dev and creator of Problem Attic, which made a splash back in the day (a somewhat Braid-inspired platformer iirc). she’s mostly removed herself from the game scene these days, but she still blogs about artsy-culture issues from time to time, and if you dig through the archives, some of her old posts on games (probably circa 2012-2015?) are so so good

prophet goddess / blood church: i discovered them literally two days ago, but i’m digging what i see (their ladykiller in a bind review was the first post i stumbled on)

dead genre chronicles: a group of three friends did a monthly JRPG podcast, where they’d play a JRPG in its entirety and talk about it. see, they found mainstream discussions around JRPGs annoyingly stilted, including the term JRPG itself—like, we’re still using the term “JRPG” to mean “turn-based combat with funky anime aesthetics,” but that airbrushes over so many weird and fun and distinctive mechanics that developers inside-and-outside of Japan have been experimenting with, right?

they had a blog attached to the podcast, and the blog was ALSO excellent

unfortunately, they took their main website down a while back :( however:

you can get some of the old blog posts by fiddling with the wayback machine

becky backed up a bunch of her contributions to the site (i particularly liked her ffxv post & this sort-of ffxiii post that punched me in the face in a good way)

leeroy, one of the other contributors, blags here, though i don’t think he backed up his stuff from the original site

the entirety of the podcast is archived on libsyn and is very good if you’re into podcasts!

no don’t die: okay, this blog/interview series is AMAZING. and still active!!! ahh!!!

the whole concept is, this dude finds people who work in games. or used to work in games. or who ran a weird fansite for video games back in the early 00′s. or curate some video-game-shaped things as part of a museum exhibit. and so on, and so forth.

the dude has a knack for finding really interesting people with all kinds of windows/perspectives on games, and manages to get them to talk about really interesting things. two of my fave interviews: rebecca heinman, who ported Doom to 3DO in ten weeks on her own in utterly batshit conditions, and mustin, because i’ve got that overclocked remix nostalgia

my friend pokey: so, they’re on tumblr, they write in all lowercase, and their writing style tends to be on the dense and referential side, which ordinarily has all the warning signs of “all pretentiousness, no substance,” right? (i am not exempt from this, by the way; look at me typing in all lowercase like a scrub.) but, i’ve reliably gotten interesting insights out of their posts & have been surprised how often i mention their blog to a Friend Whose Aesthetic Tastes I Respect and they’re like “ah! i LOVE that blog!” also i liked their notes on chrono cross at the end of this post because i literally want to talk about chrono cross every waking moment of my life, come talk to me about chrono cross friends, etc

em reed’s blog is excellent. i really liked this post about what the phone/gacha game experience is like

auntie pixelante: anna anthropy’s old blog; still not sure why she didn’t archive it somewhere? but whatever, the wayback machine has your back. this early review of Gone Home is reasonably representative

tim rogers: i have kind of mixed opinions on him, but i do find something in his work compelling enough that i keep coming back to him, so.

the dude made his initial splash with his extremely long mgs2 review back in the day; there’s a slightly more recent archive too; he also does a lot of sadposting on medium that ranges from “guy in my MFA” to “fuck i can’t believe this dude’s making me feel feelings” in quality, ymmv. (he also apparently does video reviews now? that are like many hours long? and i am just not the youtube generation so i tapped out on that one bud)

tevis thompson: another critic i have mixed feelings about, but if you’re the kind of dork that enjoys reading stuff that Made A Splash At The Time, and like, nerd subculture histories, you'll have to read his “on videogame reviews” for that reason alone. i also really dug his 100-word video game reviews series

ludus novus: i haven’t read this dude’s blog in ages, but i liked it a lot when i read it in 2012ish and there’s TONS in the archives

emily short: an IF writer who goes way back. i haven’t read her blog lately, but the archives / older posts definiely have cool thoughts on the structure of interactive fiction

jonas kyratzes: indie game dev, creator of The Sea Will Claim Everything. he tends to blog about lefty politics and general arts stuff more frequently than he blogs about games, but he does blog games from time to time. i liked [1] and [2], for starters.

adam cadre: this guy goes waaay back in the IF scene and has made a bunch of Inform stuff. i’ve never actually played his games! but i like his blog a lot (convenient tumblr mirror here). he almost exclusively blags about books and movies and such these days, but if you dig you can find him talking about games sometimes. (also, Masterchef Australia, which he loved so much he wrote over fifteen thousand words about it and it’s one of my favorite bizarre blog posts on the internet)

the fool reversed: this blog is focused on LARP game design & issues around that, but i’d say it’s relevant to anyone interested in game-y topics. as a mostly-outsider to that scene, i thought this was a fun find!

annnd a few last ones:

i haven’t kept up with critical distance in ages, but it used to be a great way to find new game writers, and quite possibly still is, i dunno

while i’ve personally bounced off timber owls a few times, i know some folks who like their writing a lot

hope this helps!!! happy digging through internet archives and such

#link post

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alaxamber · 4 years ago

Text

Double Trouble-

After thoroughly embarrassing his Minion on their way to Videos Game Con, Professor Venomous finds himself quite "inspired" by a certain song by Tenacious D. He has a couple hours before the Con starts, so why not park in a shaded area and enjoy some phone nooky with his husband? After all, two are better than one.

CW for cursing.

Link is for A03 heed tags!

It was a very long drive but neither Venomous nor Fink minded, plus the added fact that they were close to the end of it helped soothe the long ride jitters. With her doing more high-level school and Minion work, the only time they got one on one time was when she had a Videos Game Competition. He loved to drive and she got easily distracted, having caused far too many wrecks in the past few months and she didn't want to 'fuck up her chance to fuck up Rabiiiz09339,' because she got pissed at an old ladies driving.

So that's how they had found themselves nearing three hours into the drive in comfortable silence; his soft instrumental music playing quietly with his right hand on the steering wheel, his left on his thigh while Fink sat next to him staring out the window.

Suddenly there was a flailing next to him as he pulled off the highway. Fink was trying to catch her drink, her headphones and phone with flailing motions and squeaks. It appeared she tried to take a drink and must have split lipped it, causing it to spill down her front. In the chaos the headphone cord was pulled from her phone and the loudspeaker kicked on;

Damn ,

"Shit, just a second Boss!" she scrambled as he leaned trying to catch more of the song. His Minion had a tendency to listen to music that interested him, but he would be too "old to get it".

A hard day's rockin'.

"No wait, Fink," his voice quick, Wasn't that that actor from…. What was it called?

Better slip off ma shoes .

"Boss it gets totally inappropriate" she was still scrambling as she slammed her drink down between them and tried to get her headphone jack back in. Her thumbs seeming to be unable to pause the song that continued to play.

Maybe give a little stretch and a bend.

Dip m'toe to jacuzzi, baby.

"No, connect it, it sounds like that actor." He reached for his loose aux cord and spared a glance at his companion. Her green cheeks were flushed a darker shade, and Venomous could scent a distinct embarrassment from the girl.

Slip out this book:

The Buttress of Windsor.

Ho ho ho, who's this? How's it goin'?

[sung]

That's the first thin' I say to you.

How's it goin'?

Are you flowin'?

"Flowing? Does he mean?" There was fake gasp and outrage in his voice. And yes, he could literally feel her shrink in her seat, her face even redder.

"Boss, come on, it is him though, Jack Black's band," she had listened to him and let it keep playing, "A friend sent me the link… can I turn it off now?" She asked and made to mute it.

He had been both listening to her and the lyrics, his interest peaked immediately when she confirmed it was the short, round, funny, actor. The actor that reminded him greatly of his husband.

Listen, honey,

Thinkin' 'bout a couple things to say to you,

Showin', growin',

"Look, just plug it in and I will quit making comments," he offered, and looked over with his brow cocked high and a smirk on his lips as he dangled the aux cord. Really, the teacher from School of Rock could not have written something that bad.

Man I'd like to place my hand

upon your fuckin' sexy ass and squeeze.

And squeeze!

"Oh that's right, you haven't seen Tenacious D, that's R rated." she snorted. She had always found it funny that Boxboss had never kept over PG13 movies in the house. A sinister smile came to her lips and she shoved the cord in and turned the music up. He didn't know she had upgraded his trunk awhile back and the music now had a low boom. Boxboss had made sure no bits rattled due to the low vibes.

Still, he had been half-listening to, the lyrics now much more interested in the singer and the song.

Take off your blouse,

And your underpants,

Then take a look,

He jumped with the bass came and blinked rapidly when the next few lines came out, his lilac cheeks blushed darker

'Cause here me and KG come naked,

"KG?" He asked again, in hopes she would pull up a picture.

Out of the side-hatch,

With the oils and perfume and incense.

She laughed and leaned over showing him the photo of the album cover; by god… they were both like his round shapely little bird of a husband. He found himself sad neither had bio enhancements or adjacencies, but both men were right up his alley.

They stayed quiet as the music pulsed through the car, Fink's smirk never left her face. And Venomous now knew exactly why. The song had caused him to imagine quite a few scenarios, he was thankful the last bit of the drive to the convention center had been easy and he could see the large building coming into view. The song sounded like it was nearing the end, and his groin had a slight ache against the hem of his jeans. He noticed her moving to pull the cord-free again.

Let's roll!

Oh!

"Let him finish," Venomous said, holding out his hand, he had not made any further comments about the lyrics caught up in his thoughts.

Fink laughed oddly at this and held her stomach, trying to contain more of her laughs, seeming to now taking full enjoyment in his own embarrassment as the song continued.

[2-part:] Ahh, oh!

What! Yeah! Huh! Nah! Oh!

Ah, that's it, that's right, ohmygah, oh-I-think-I'm-gonna, Ohh!

Deht! Deht! Eeee!

...Splooge!

"We're here Fink," he slid into the nearest handicap stall. She scrambled for her phone pulling it free and nearly bolting from the window instead of opening the door. Venomous just sat there for a moment blinking slowly, a smirk curling his lips as he pulled back from the spot and rolled to the back of the lot. The tournament wouldn’t start for nearly two hours, and Fink hated it when he tried to "talk shop" with the other bits of the crowd. Looking out, he checked that his windows were shaded by the trees and no other groups were loitering near.

With a groan reached down adjusting himself in his jeans, thankful that the pain had kept the physical reaction to a minimum. A sigh of relief rushed from his nose as he grabbed his phone and pulled open a few apps, finding the band and song quickly on VillTube, and sent a link to Boxy. The next text had a picture attachment.

The photo attached was Ven looking up at the cam, his soft sweater pulled up to show just a bit of his lower stomach over the button of his jeans and two semi-hard lengths pressing against one side, and a text bubble saying "Can I have two Boxy's for my Cobmas gift?"

To read more it gets M

Art is by @firecooking

#ok ko au #ok ko boxman #writing #ok ko professor venomous #writers #voxman #writers on tumblr

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theory-talestelltalesss · 5 years ago

Text

Chez

Pairing: Y/N, Taehyung, Jungkook

Characters: Rest of BTS

Genre: fluff, angst, vague smut

Summary:

An old artist visits his collection of paintings at a world-renowned museum in Paris. He becomes nostalgic of the past after hearing news about the very woman who served as inspiration in his golden years. She was starving for any type of solace, even brittle and fleeting when she met him-- a penniless tour guide who was in love and only had eyes for Paris itself. Pieces of memories, both awaited to be remembered and desired to be forgotten, come flooding in his mind as he viewed every brushstroke he made in his career. Throughout the years, the museum received letters and donations, but one in particular always stirred his mind.

Chez /ʃeɪ; shā; shey/:

Origin French

Preposition

Chez means to be at a particular location (chez moi --- at my place or home), or refers to a particular state of mind of someone or a collection of people (chez les français — among the French). Yet still, it could be used to describe an artist’s body of work (chez Van Gogh).

“Life was the most beautiful then.” An old man sadly smiled at a painting, branches of his hazel eyes dilated his pupils, absorbing every wavelength of light that refracted through his lenses. The painting was placed in between two others that were brighter and more saturated with glazing golden frames, but none of those things distracted the old man’s gaze, only having sight for the one before him as if it was the only one in the world.

Nostalgic sighs relieved themselves from the old man’s lungs when memories piled up one after another in his mind. His tired wrinkled eyes traced the swipes of what once brushed the canvas before him, spraying a hazy memory that gradually formed a more opaque image in his mind as he viewed every corner, every shape, and every color. The museum was almost empty now. Closing time was near but the dim room, only having spotlights for the paintings, isolated itself from the time that continued on in the outside world.

Triggered by a memory, the old man took out his icy hands from the warmth of his pockets to observe the lines of his palms that forged themselves over the years, remembering someone in the past telling him that one line connecting and separating from the rest were different fates of his life. ‘Could one of those fates been a happier one?’ His mind mulled over as another sigh released itself from his chest.

The old man’s eyes refocused in between his fingers and unto his snow-covered boots, realizing that winter came once again. Winter had a special place in his heart, but like all things, it never lasted. Spring would come knocking, and then summer, fall, and winter again. When the next season comes, the next month, the next week, the next day, they all will be nothing but a memory too, and further away from where he wanted to be.

He eventually shuffled over and sat at a bench nearby, reminding himself that his legs didn’t work the way they used to, justifying a part of himself that wished he wasn’t in the present. But he was distracted from reliving the past once more when a voice invaded his ears louder and louder. A tour guide marched in with a crowd of tourists at his tail, eventually coming to a stop near his vicinity.

“Whoa! It’s The Madeleine!” The tourists started taking pictures of the painting, hovering their cameras over the crowd to get the perfect frame.

“Now some of you may know this painting over here. This is made by the famous artist you might know as Cof. He worked under this pseudonym for all his career and never revealed his real name.” The tour guide spoke eloquently but swiftly about the piece, not a single pause in his pace even when he confidently switched from English to Spanish and back again.

“Was he the one who disappeared in the news many years ago?” A voice in the crowd shouted out anonymously.

“Yes, yes, that was him! His pieces are priced around 10 to 20 million dollars partly because of his story that influenced his amazing art. But this painting, The Madeleine, went up in value the most and is priced around 60 million dollars.” The tour guide brushed to the side, giving the painting ample space for the crowd to take pictures.

“Who’s The Madeleine?” A little girl in the crowd asked with her hand up, eyes large as a doe, grappling her mother’s skirt before she carried her in her arms.

“That’s the question, mon ange. Cof kept her identity a secret. One of the reasons why it’s the most talked about and most valuable painting in his career.”

“So why is it so valuable?” Another voice in the crowd asked.

“You will see that it embodies everything French and it’s now almost a symbol of France. If Italy has Mona Lisa and the Netherlands has the Girl With The Pearl Earring, then France now has The Madeleine. If you think about it, the identity of all these girls in these famous paintings are all mysterious to the public.” The tourists looked at each other curiously, pondering over the words the tour guide just stated, some eventually agreeing with him in the end.

“Now here, you can see her half clothed between the bed sheets looking out the window of Paris at night, embracing the romantic reputation of the city. Over to her right at the side table are some madeleines, and of course is a desert authentic to France.” The tour guide pointed to parts of the picture he talked about, and the old man’s eyes followed through a small crevice within the crowd.

“And as you can see here on the bed railing is a white towel with a red border, which was actually a mass-produced kitchen towel at that time. Every place had them, restaurants, hotels, wherever! But more interestingly, this painting itself was painted on one of those towels.” Ooh’s and ahh’s buttered themselves in the air that made the lips of the old man shyly curve at their corners as he looked back at the lines of his palms.

“Now because of this, some say that the artist captured a raw and on-the-spot moment of the woman in the picture when the only thing he had nearby was a towel. Scholars say this wasn’t arranged or posed for the purpose of painting this scene, but it was a genuine moment between the artist and the French woman in the picture.” His finger pointed up at the ceiling as he finished his last sentence, priding himself on the masterpiece that hung on the wall in front of his clients.

“Everything you said was correct except for something in that last part.” The old man croaked from the back that had the guide as well as the tourists jolt their heads in his direction. Slowly from his seat, he rose carefully with a grunt, bending his body away from any feeling of pain or discomfort from his joints.

“Actually, that woman is American.” He nodded at the painting, softly smiling at it as he put his hands back in his pockets when he finally found a stable stance. “...Very very dear.”

“E-excuse me, Sir. Where did you get that information?” The tour guide moved to the left to get a good view of the old man between several heads as he gripped a binder full of information about the museum paintings, restraining himself from flipping it before getting an answer.

“Oh sorry about that.” He chuckled to the ground, his melancholy eyes sparkled in thought. “This museum...might not remember me anymore.” When the old man swiped his fingers across his eyebrow, scratching his palm with the stubble of his jaw and feeling the loose skin that hung from his cheeks, he recalled that his face surely changed from the last time he visited. “Do you remember me, Namjoon hyung?”

The tour guide stuttered after a few moments of squinting and widening his eyes at the old man and only then did he slowly utter a name he had not used in years. “T-T-Taehyung-ah?” The tour guide was finally able to utter, almost forgetting he had clients before him.

“Bonjour.” Speaking French for the first time, Namjoon confirmed Taehyung’s identity, and only then did his brain click to recognize his voice that preserved its velvet and deep characteristic he didn’t realize he so longed to hear. As Namjoon observed more of his appearance, Taehyung took off his hat to put himself more into light, showing his familiar yet different features. The lines on his face introduced the life of a protagonist that carved difficult paths throughout the years, and are extended by the white and silver strands of hair that Namjoon remembered were once brilliant blonde like the sun. A roadmap etched on every inch of his skin, telling the world he lived, loved, lost, suffered, and grieved.

“You’ve grown into an old man.” Namjoon’s voice quivered as he looked at Taehyung, taking in the effect of the years that had been done to his body, but couldn’t even begin to imagine what the years did to his heart.

“So did you.” Taehyung chuckled as he shrugged his shoulders, holding his eye contact with Namjoon as if time stood still under their feet.

“I didn’t expect you to visit again.”

“I’m sure nobody did but...something reminded me of it again, friend.” Friend. A word Namjoon heard from several people plenty of times, but when it came out from Taehyung’s lips, it came with a ton of weights dumped on his chest.

“What reminded you of it?”

“Her.” A pause in their conversation held before Namjoon could ask another question he wanted to ask Taehyung all these years.

“Does this mean this painting is...?”

“Yes, that’s her. In fact...all of my works here were inspired by her.” He looked around the room, scanning each one briefly as the spirits of the past flashed before his eyes. “Every part, every stroke, every line, was a manifestation of her.”

For him, she was the only one who didn’t change with the seasons. She was the only constant thought in his mind.

Clearing his throat, Namjoon kept his eyes on Taehyung’s before he hesitantly spoke to the crowd. “Everybody, you’re the luckiest group of people in the world right now...and you might get your answer, mon ange,” said Namjoon, giving a glance to the little girl sucking on her fingers.

“I’d like to introduce you to Mr. Kim Taehyung. My past coworker and one of my good ol’ friends. But more importantly…” Namjoon awaited for a signal from Taehyung which he provided with a light nod. “...the artist who painted every piece in this room. You all know him by his other name -- Cof.”

Quiet gasps all around the room chorused in unison as the crowd stared at Taehyung in awe before taking out their cameras to take a shot of the famous painter. Images of uncomfortable poses froze themselves on their screens, and with a single click, his senescence was delivered to the world that would soon contrast images of his youth he so desired to steal back-- the youth the world remembered last.

“My Madeleine.” Taehyung smiled as he rested his chin on the crook of your neck while he wrapped his arms around your abdomen, startling you from your morning daze in the middle of counting down how many days you had left at the edge of the bed. You snuggled your head to the side, grazing your cheek against his soft golden hair as you admired the pink morning skies and the roofs of Paris through your window. “What do you want to do today, Mad?” His voice course and raspy from his sleep, clearing it up slightly, had you feeling the vibration on your shoulder. “Mmm…wanna get some madeleines and coffee down the street and we’ll go from there?” You mumbled against his head as you pecked his unruly hair, never faltering to smell like coffee even when he hasn’t had any. “How’s that sound, Cof?” Mad and Cof, short for Madeleine and Coffee, the accustomed nicknames you gave to each other from both your obsessions towards your favorite food and drink. “Sounds amazing.” He closed his eyes and planted several kisses up your shoulders, letting the blanket fall from his bare shoulders as he did it. The ice cold metal of his necklace tingled your skin as it sandwiched between the warmth of both your bodies. As the final kiss touched the back of your ear, you felt a smile grow before he mumbled his words against you. “Next year when you come back, I bet you’ll still smell like madeleines.” A satisfying shiver traveled down your spine from the rustic voice he still had yet to fix. Two years it had been. Two years of fooling around with a man who you could only see once a year, every winter to be precise. Sometimes you thought it was the most irresponsible and destructive thing you could do to yourself. Other times you thought it was the best thing in the world. You got yourself drunk on the feeling of spending time with someone in the most romantic city in the world, and a boy who was the perfect one to do it with. He had the inexpressible ability to erase any and every problem you ever had in the back of your mind as soon as he took you in his hold. No matter how you saw it, you couldn’t resist his unexplainable allure and your irrational desire for him once your foot plants on Parisian soil. “What makes you think I’ll come back next year?” You half-jokingly teased as you grazed your hands against his arm wrapped around you, closing your eyes at the feeling of his lips and losing sight of the dust falling in and out of the dim rays of the sunrise you were observing a moment ago. “You always come back…” He whispered as he switched to peck at your other shoulder, not caring if he pressed one on your strap. “Besides, your family would be pretty sad if you don’t come.” You slowly opened your eyes and realized that he was right. Every year, your family in Paris expected you to come spend winter break with them. What they didn’t know was that you also found another reason to come back every year – him. Not only would your aunts, uncles, and cousins be sad if you didn’t come, but most of all, your father would miss you terribly. Growing up without him most of your life was one of his biggest regrets he could never make right. Ever since your parents’ divorce, you craved your father’s presence at moments when you thought you needed him the most and only at winter break could you see him to make up for lost time. You could never imagine skipping a year to see him again. “That’s true, but what if…” You reached back and touched the nape of his neck, locks of his hair caught in between your fingers, pulling him closer to you to let a kiss land on his red and flushed nose from the winter cold that seeped through a centimeter crack from the window. “…I meet someone else along the way?” You couldn’t help but test him even if he distracted you from your sullen mood. It was on your mind for a couple of days, per usual every time it was almost time to go home. He chuckled at your challenge, not showing a faze of worry, but instead, planted his lips on yours, pushing your hair back to your ears and gently cupping your jaw with both his hands. “If that happens, Mad…” He gave your shoulder a light push until you slowly felt your back against the bedsheets, keeping his lips on yours. “I don’t think I would still want to stop seeing you…so…” He breathed in between the part of your empty but still famished lips as his hands found their way within the warmth of yours, tangling some of your hair between them. After he pulled back to look at you, you opened your eyelids again to finally catch the sight of his beautiful face since he woke up. His half-lidded eyes slightly hid behind strands of his tousled hair and his scowled lips traced wet from your kisses as they whispered with a pant of sweet breath that fanned your face. “Come back.”

“One coffee please, uh- Americano.” You heard the person in front of you order as you waited in line for your turn. The earthy smell of warm coffee lingered in the air, intermittently interrupted by the gush of icy wind that rushed in from time to time from the entrance of the shop as people covered in snow walked in.

“Uh yes, three Madeleine’s please, the ones covered in chocolate, and umm…a cup of black tea please?” You told the cashier in front of you wearing an apron struck with powdered sugar. “Is that for here or to go, madam?” “To go.” The cashier yelled to some employees at the back to try to overlap the sea of conversations in the coffee shop to take your order. “Heh, you never change.” Hoseok chuckled behind you as he gleamed a heart-shaped smile when you looked back at him. Hoseok was your closest cousin in your family in Paris. He lived in the city his whole life and never even had the desire to venture out. He was closest to your age and naturally, became the closest cousin you had. “At this point, you should be worried if I don’t order madeleines.” You cheekily replied before giving the cashier your card. “Cous, I wouldn’t be surprised if you get diabetes someday.” He wrapped his arm around your shoulder as he looked up at the menu, still trying to decide what he wanted to get. “If that ever happens, I’ll say it was worth it.” A tight lipped smile formed on your face, refusing to back down from any of his playful attacks. “If that ever happens, I will say I told you so.” He rolled his eyes and shook his head before the cashier prompted the next customer in line. “Ah ye- can I have one croissant and a caramel iced coffee please?” “Huh? Iced coffee? We’re in the middle of the winter, cous!” You tried to continue the light banter, even though you already knew for a fact that Hoseok never liked his coffee warm. “If I get a cold, I’ll still say it was worth it.” He mockingly copied you, manipulating his words into yucky syllables before he gave the cashier his card. You leaned against the counter after both of you moved to the side where customers picked up their coffee, ready to check your names on the cups as soon as they come out.

“Sooo…cous…how are you?” Hoseok dragged out his words with a cumbersome tone, almost cracking in the middle of the question that uncovered his prudent approach.

“I’ve been with you the past few days, cous.” You pretended not to know what he meant and wished for him to play along, but truthfully, you wanted him to press on, internally begging for him to get you out of denying your own feelings. It had been a few days since your arrival in the city and you knew this conversation was going to happen even before you stepped foot on the plane. Apparently, this is the time Hoseok picked, finally having time alone with you. “No, Cous. How are you?” He warily continued, keeping a still watch on any subtle changes in your expression. This is one of those times you wished Hoseok didn’t have the trait to be eerily observant. “Mmm…” You hummed to find the right words but more so to keep a lump in your throat at ease before proceeding to your next words. “I’ve been better, cous…hope it gets easier sooner than later.” “Welllll, good thing it’s the holidays, you got time to spend it with family and get out of there for a while.” “Yeah it helps a bit, being away from home…” You scratched a particular part of the counter just to evade Hoseok’s eyes, keeping him from seeing how heartbroken you were even though you already knew nothing escaped him. “Jin hyung, Adora, and I, of course, should be able to cheer you up.” He flipped his fingers at your chin, gleaming his contagious smile in hopes that you will catch it too, but to no avail. Instead, you formed a strong pout that told him his strategy to cheer you up was not working. So he faced the counter with you before he looked to the ground as he spoke seriously, clearly catching the fact that you didn’t want to meet his eyes.

“Remember when I didn’t want to let go of Jimin? If I was successful, I never would’ve met the love of my life, Yoongi.” He chuckled to his feet with hands in his favorite flamboyant bomber jacket which you jokingly repeated as an embodiment of his personality. “Just think…this may simply be one bump away to finding the one. Maybe it’s a blessing in disguise.” Your lip lifted at one side, unsuccessfully forming a smile that told Hoseok that you didn’t believe in the words he just said. He caressed your head as you both waited for your orders in silence, hoping that they would come soon before you want to bury yourself in your toxic turmoil, hurling into a hurricane of self-blaming and what-ifs. No matter what Hoseok said to keep you optimistic, you couldn’t help but think…what if Jungkook was the one?

The only words that came out of your mouth to reply to Hoseok, but mostly to appease yourself, was, “Maybe cous…hopefully the next one will be the one.” You burned one particular coffee cup with your eyes after the barista slid it across the counter, flashing back at a time Jungkook told you purposely under the stars that you were the one for him. He took your hand in his as he traced over a line on your palm and said that because of that one line, your lives were always connected to each other, from your past lives to the next. You thought it was overly stupid but also overly sweet as he had a thing or two for being “star-crossed” with you, priding himself that no matter the circumstance, you both always made everything work. You now realized that your dumb “star-crossed lovers” agenda had come into full completion; star-crossed lovers were never meant to be together.

The barista called out a name and only then did the wholesome yell pull you to full consciousness, reading the name ‘Taehyung’ written hastily with a sharpie on the cup you were staring at for the past minute. “One Americano for Taehyung!” Hoseok turned his head in a snap at the direction of the man walking over to get his coffee. He did an adorable nudge of his head as he looked at the man walking by in a hazel wool coat and newsboy hat.

“Taehyung-ah?” The man turned back his head and paused midway of tearing up a sweetener, spilling some outside the rim. He instantly landed his eyes on your cousin before his thick brows perked up from behind his glasses and his ears moved back in glee. “Hoseok hyung?!” A smile instantly formed on his face-- the type of smile that reflected years of friendship and memories, whether good or bad, that undeniably formed an unforgettable cherished bond. “What up buddy? Ehehe-hey!” Hoseok took a step towards him before his hand met Taehyung’s, along with a press of both his cheeks against each of his to greet in the French way– La bise.

“How’ve you been, Tae?” An obvious delight in his tone as he looked at the tall man he had not seen in a long time. “Good good, just getting some coffee before starting the day.” He lifted his coffee up along with a charming lift of his eyebrows, spilling some from its rim before turning back to grab its lid to finally cover it. “Ah! Still a coffee addict I see. Still an Americano?” Hoseok never stopped being observant of people’s behaviors, no matter how big or small. One day he would surprise you by recalling something particular about you, no matter how insignificant, thinking that he wasn’t paying attention. Anyone who had ever met Hoseok learned quickly that he was the type of person who talked to you as if you were the only person who mattered at that moment. He was unfairly gifted with a natural intuition to read people, something that you wanted for yourself. He could tell you what you would do next before you could even pick a fortune cookie. Hence, this is one of the reasons why you loved him dearly and why he was always the perfect older brother you never had. “Haha, as always.” Taehyung giggled as he grabbed a napkin and cleaned up the drops from the spill that smeared the sharpie of his name. “Oh- this is my cousin. She’s visiting for the winter holidays.” “How do you do?” You greeted before you instinctively pulled out your hand for a handshake, only to realize that Taehyung leaned in to kiss your cheek and stopped halfway because of your gesture. He then gave your hand a firm handshake as he looked at you with sparkling eyes, infatuated with the fact that they were as hazel as his coat.

“Good! You’re American?” Taehyung guessed as Hoseok played along with a rollicking ‘how’d-you-know?’ and a back throw of his head, teasing the fact that you busted your cover. “She visits every year for the holidays though, so she should know more about French manners than most. Not to mention her dad is from here.” Hoseok added as he rustled the top of your head which looked like a dog getting a good rub after returning a stick. “And we still gotta work on that accent, La Petite.” La Petite, meaning ‘little one’ because that was what you were to Hoseok -- the little sister he never had. “It’s pretty good compared to the tourists I toured around who spoke some french.” “Oh yeah! Taehyung-ah is a tour guide here. He knows everything about the city.” Hoseok smiled coyly at you as he languidly bent his body, preparing for his next sentence. “He’s in love with the city of love.” He ended with a laugh to brush off the mushy thing he just said but the only thing Taehyung did was look at his coffee cup with a shy simper.

“Well, I would offer to show you around but it seems like you got a local here to do that for you.” Grasping Hoseok by the shoulder as he looked at the side of his face in adoration. “Hoseok? Show me around?” You laughed when Hoseok suggestively looked at you, knowing well what you’re going to say next. “The only places he toured me around are the clubs and dance floors.” “Well I can’t say I’m surprised. Hoseok was quite the dancer if I remember correctly back in our college days.” He said before taking a quick sip of his coffee. “Hey! Don’t tell me you didn’t have a good time last night! Even after that-” “Of course I did!” You sliced Hoseok’s words to spare your first impression for Taehyung, not wanting him to know that you chugged a pint of Mojito last night and danced around like a stiff fool. “Here, give me a call if you want.” Taehyung said after he searched for his business card in his coat pocket and you clutched it between your fingers, partially covering the cursive font with your thumb. “You can tag along and you can bring Hoseok hyung.” He gave him a nudge at the arm as Hoseok rolled his eyes with a scoff. “Speaking of tours, I have to go to work! Very nice to meet you.” He nodded at your direction with another raise of his coffee. “And Hoseok hyung, let’s catch up sometime you dance bug!” A smile formed on Hoseok’s face after he felt Taehyung’s playful pat on his back before they said their goodbyes.

After getting your orders, you and Hoseok sat by the window with a view of the glacial streets benevolently decorated with snow. The warm fresh smell of madeleines met your nostrils after opening its container that had your feet wagging from the stool from excitement. Hoseok couldn’t help but make a confused smile at your reaction in between a sip of his iced coffee.

“I don’t know why I even try if this is what makes you happy right away.” He said across from you as he pointed at your pastry, still holding the coffee in between his fingers by the lid. “I should just get a bunch of these and put it under your nose every time I see that pout you gave me a while ago.” He moved his pointed finger to flick it under your nose that made you throw your head back playfully to reject his teasing gesture.

“You know maybe that could work.” You retorted before you took your first bite, eyes popping when the first distinct level of sweetness touched your tongue. “Nothing like it back home.”

“Speaking of home, you should go on that tour some time before you leave.”

“Hobi, you know I was just being polite. I’d be miserable if I go on that tour.” You retaliated as you felt that familiar stinging sensation in your chest every time you were reminded of him.

“Why not? Just because you-know-who is gone doesn’t mean you should not see the city.” He replied as he took a bite of his croissant, deflating its form as his teeth sunk down, releasing a heap of warmth from its core. “I think it would be good for you, you know, get some closure.”

Closure. One thing you wanted but at the same time didn’t want. Did you really want to close this chapter of your life? Is it even possible to close it all the way? After all, what choice did you have? All these years of being with who you thought was the one, it was this year when Jungkook was supposed to come with you to meet your family in Paris; to finally meet your father. France was the one place you saved under your belt until you finally knew that you truly loved him. A tour was a great way to explore the city of love, symbolically solidifying your love for him and his for you, but all was wasted when that love proved to be what you thought was everything else but feeble.

“I feel like that would just be a masochistic move don’t you think?” You leaned back in your seat, suspicious of Hoseok’s casual suggestion.

“Mmm...I prefer the term ‘cathartic.’” He cutely propped his head to the side, a gesture incongruent with the words he just said. Hoseok’s typical sunshine behavior sometimes did not match the context of the situation. “Plus, Taehyungie I heard was pretty good.” “How do you know?” The change in temperature on your palm satisfied you when you wrapped your hands around your paper cup before blowing on it to take a comfortable sip.

“Taehyungie was a good friend of mine. He knows the streets inside and out because he used to live out there.”

“Out there?”

“Yeah, he used to live in the streets. He was homeless.”

A backflush of your tea poured unto your cup along with an extension of your neck to prevent a spill as soon as you heard your cousin. “Homeless?! How did he manage to live?!” You exclaimed with a muffled voice caused by the napkin you placed in front of your lips to wipe your carelessness away.

“If you have two eyes, there’s no doubt you’d think Taehyung is good-looking.” He stopped midway of buttering his croissant before he shot up his eyes at you and your rosy cheeks became totally exposed to his view. He couldn’t help but chuckle at your flushed state and continued. “No one’s really resisted his charms before and I guess he used that to his advantage. He used to model for street artists in Paris in exchange for food and a place to stay. He doesn’t have any family.”

“That’s actually...pretty sad...but also pretty impressive.” Recalling back to when you met Taehyung, you never would’ve known this was the kind of past he had to deal with. He seemed totally...normal.

“Yeah, well, he had to do what he had to do and he didn’t have anything, Cous. Penniless.” He swiped his knife to emphasize his words as the melted butter clinged to its edges. “If there’s anyone who I would say would be a good tour guide, it would be him. Plus, I know you were just holding off on seeing these places because you wanted to see them with you-know-who, so why should that butthead stop you this time?”

Delightfully getting lost and weaving through the nooks and crannies of the city, having Jungkook’s fingers intertwined with yours as your laughters dissolved within each other’s was one of the things you both anticipated for a very long time. Every year that you had the urge to go sightseeing with Jin and Adora, you would let Hoseok instead take you to the bars and clubs. Being in love while being in the city of love were both yours and Jungkook’s dream, a milestone coupled with meeting your dad. However, now that he’s gone, there’s no point in holding yourself anymore, which finally led you to say, ‘I’ll go.’

“Yeah?” Hoseok paused in the middle of a bite to make sure he heard you right.

“No person should rob me of seeing this wonderful place, right?”

“Right. Good.” Hoseok patted a napkin on his lips studded with crumbs, keeping a still eye on you like he always did when conversations felt sensitive. “Would you be okay by yourself? Want me to come with?”

“No, I want to do this by myself.” The surface of your tea rippled in ripples when a whiff escaped between your voice that answered your cousin. You then take a huge sip to down your decision.

18 notes · View notes

alwaysonthemend · 5 years ago

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Destiel Rec List

NOTE - This is an old version of this post. A newer and more organized version can be found easily on my blog. I will no longer be updating this particular post.

- Works marked with (*) denote my absolute favorites.

-This rec list is mostly Destiel (I'm a clown 🤡, sue me.) Though there are a few that aren't.

-Some are full AUs, some only partially, while others are canon!verse. (I'll appreciate anything as long as it's well written.)

-Yes, some of these works have smut in them, but they can easily be skipped without losing important plot info. (Make fun of me all you want, but I don't like reading smut.)

-This list will be updated whenever I find a good fic, though probably not regularly if I'm honest. (Life happens...)

-I DO NOT own any of the work found on this list, nor do I claim it to be my own; I am simply making this so that others can enjoy these fics as well.

-Please do not hate on anyone or anything. If you don't like Destiel, then don't read the fics. If you hate the author, don't tell me because I don't care about that drama. (Walk AwaaAYyaYAaa)

1. Twist and Shout****** by @gabriel and @standbyme Archive Of Our Own.

Thoughts- I'm sure that there is nothing I can say that you haven't already heard. Just read it. Suffer along with the rest of us. There's fluff, smut, angst (the holy trinity.) This is truly the best fan fic ever written. Period. 20/10.

2. 300 Things by @cautionzombies. (I can't find the original source so you'll have to try and find it on your own...)

Thoughts- What's a Supernatural rec list without 300 Things? This really is an amazing fic and it is written so well!

3. How A Righteous Man Raises A Rose by @swordofmymouth- Live Journal.

Thoughts- This fic really took me by surprise. It's tagged as an AU, but I think you'll find that it's not at all what you think. The author effortlessly sets a mood of loss and regret, yet still gives the light a chance to shine through. I went into this fic thinking it to be an AU, and it was at first. But I soon realized that there was much more to this fic than what at first meets the eye. I shed a few tears over this one.

4. Cleanse the Mirror* by @takadainmate -Live Journal.

Thoughts- Man, this one hurts, but in the best way. I read this fic a long time ago but lost it and couldn't find it for a long time. I am so glad that I found it and was able to re read. Just as enjoyable (if not more so) the second time. Dean gets a better understanding of what it's like being an angel. (And Cas is written so well in this fic! He's just like he is in the show. It's incredible!)

5. A Hole in the World by @bauble - Live Journal.

Thoughts- This one just hurts and hurts and hurts. This is one that you'll just have to read and see for yourself. No happy ending. (You've been warned.)

6. In the Shadow of Your Wings by @EnochianThings - Archive of Our Own.

Thoughts- This is a really well written fic. There were several times that I almost forgot that I was reading a fan fic because the characters and story are just so well though out. It's a bit of a long one and is set in a (sort of) canon!verse.

7. My Throat is An Open Grave* by @inkandpaperqwerty - Archive of Our Own.

Thoughts- This was one of the first fan fics that I ever read for Supernatural. This one is just so heartwarming, but not before plenty of angst and hurt/comfort. The author seamlessly puts Sam and Dean into a heartbreaking AU and it's all about the love that Sam and Dean have for each other. (NOT Wincest.)

8. Thursday's Child* by @strangeandcharm - Archive of Our Own.

Thoughts- All I can say is... Ow. Slow burn to end all slow burns, but so worth it in the end. This one is set in the End!verse (which I'm a total sucker for.) Dean and Cas are just so sad and I just want to hug them and make it all better. Imagine, Future!Dean's plan to kill Lucifer!Sam works and now he has to live with the fact that he killed his own brother, devil or not. And Cas has to come to terms with the fact that he survived the epic showdown, despite his belief that he wouldn't, and now has an addiction that he has to get under control. I love this fic and it really is a painfully slow read, but more than worth it in the end.

9. Après by @imogenbynight - Archive of Our Own.

Thoughts- Dean and Cas go to Paris... Need I say more? I love this fic because it addresses the crappy way that Dean always has Cas coming to him and how Dean needs to step up and realize the sacrifices Cas has made for him (shameless bias opinion... Sorry) All us Cas stans will really appreciate this one. Written well, characterization flawless... What else can you ask for?

10. Dean's Days Off* by @MittenWraith - Archive of Our Own.

Thoughts- This is just the sweetest, fluffiest fic you could ever ask for. Reading it made me want to fall in love so badly it hurt. Cas and Dean just get some well deserved rest and quiet. I am absolutely in love with this fic and I'll read it over and over again. (Especially if I've had a bad day and need some happiness)

11. Unlit, Unmarked, and Forgotten by @awed_frog -

Archive Of Our Own.

Thoughts- This is a beautiful coda for 11x17. There's some Destiel if you squint. It's very sad but somehow manages a happy ending that renews your hope and brings a soft smile to your face.

12. Down Like Water by @museaway - Archive of Our Own.

Thoughts- I really like this fic a lot. It is very sad with a lot of Hurt!Castiel but it does actually have a happy ending. Just grit your teeth and bare through the angst and sadness to make it to the beautifully sappy ending.

13. Till Kingdom Come* by @freckles_n_feathers - Archive of Our Own.

Thoughts - This is a season 11 AU that was written before season 11 aired (the author actually somehow predicted things that were going to happen before they aired!!) This fic gave me really high hopes for season 11 that weren't quite fulfilled. I loved season 11, don't get me wrong (it's actually one of my favorite seasons) this fic was just so perfect and I wanted it to be canon so badly. (I re wrote this review like four times because I kept saying "actually" lol)

14. 12x19 Destiel Ficlet by @Samanstiel - Archive of Our Own.

Thoughts - This was written before 12x19 aired, and if you were upset with how things went down then this is the fic for you. The characters are written so well and it really feels like an actual episode.

15. Contrapasso*** by @takadainmate - Archive of Our Own.

Thoughts- This might be the best fic ever (trumped only by Twist and Shout...) Inspired by Dantes Inferno and so beautifully written! I just... There aren't words. It's very dark, and the ending was not at all what I wanted (but after much thought, I realized that there couldn't have been a better ending.) I really got lost in this fic. I could see exactly what the author described, I could feel what the characters felt. This is true art... This is the fic we've all been looking for.

16. Put Up Your Dukes by @takadainmate - Archive of Our Own.

Thoughts- This fic is by one of my favorite authors (who has featured on this rec list before...) Hilariously dirty. Dean and Cas are bone heads who can't make up there minds. Human!Cas is also a little sh*t and I'm living for it. There's some smutty times in this one... (which can easily be skipped if you're not comfortable without losing any important points of the story. {at least I didn't feel like I missed anything})

17. Then I Defy You Stars* by @speary - Archive of Our Own.

Thoughts - So many tears were shed while I read this. The plot is just so amazing and a plot twist to end all plot twists at the end. It's full of sacrifice and love and angst and bittersweet moments. I love this fic (and I promise you will too.)

18. All the Nights by @NorthernSparrow - Archive of Our Own.

Thoughts- This takes place after 15x03 episode "Golden Time". A bit of a fix it fic, but canon compliant to a point. I really love this fic (I love anything written by NorthernSparrow). Also a case!fic, which I'm always a softie for. Some big questions that I have since season 15 are addressed in this fic, and I absolutely love the way they are answered.

19. A Winter's Tale* by @NorthernSparrow - Archive of Our Own.

Thoughts- Oh my gosh. So much Hurt!Castiel. There isn't outright Destiel but there is heavy DeanCas relations. This is a season 9 re write and it just hurts so much. If you can make it through all the pain, the happy ending makes it all worth it. Human!Cas just deserves so much better... Ahh! It's just so sad and perfect and awesome.

20. Give All My Secrets Away by @morganoconner - Archive of Our Own.

Thoughts - This is a sweet little fic. Not particularly long, but oh so meaningful. Dean gets cursed and his soul is pushed from his body, leaving him vulnerable and scared (the author portrays the human soul in a very interesting way). Cas looks after him and it's just so fluffy.

21. Plot Holes* by @saltyfeathers - Archive of Our Own.

Thoughts - Holy crap! This fic took me a whole week to finish and I enjoyed every minute of it! Every chance I got I would pull my phone out and read. I was rudely interrupted many many times so I just decided to finish it at night and stayed up until 2AM on a school night. (oops?) It's soooo well written and feels like an actual season of Supernatural. 12/10 all the way.

22. Someone Who's Feeling For Me by @ellispark - Archive of Our Own.

Thoughts: Here's a fic to kick you right in the feels. I actually really genuinely enjoyed reading this fic because of how well the characters are written! Dean, Sam, and Cas run into Lisa Braeden post her mind wipe in season 6 and it brings up a whole bunch of drama for our boys. (While also helping Dean realize that she was never really the person he wanted to be with 😉) A bit of light smut and a bit of angst but definitely worth a read.

23. Chalk and Chainmail by @angelwingsandthings - Wattpad.

Thoughts : Oh this one is so good... It's very angsty at times and Dean is a lovable dork who can't win no matter what he does and Cas is just a confused little assbutt who doesn't know what to do with himself. (So he's himself if we're being perfectly honest here 😂) There's some light smut but nothing too graphic. This one is a Highschool!AU, so prepare yourself for the delightful drama that comes along with teenage hormones. (And Charlie is a total QUEEN and I'm living for it. I love her so much.)

24. Remember When * by @VioletHaze - Archive of Our Own

Thoughts: Sooo... I've been on a bit of a School!fic kick recently. (Not a little bit. Like a lot a bit thb) This one is just so god da*n perfect (scuse my French) Dean and Cas have been best friends since fifth grade; they do everything together. Then some crap happens and they get in a huge fight junior year. Years later, they finally make it back to each other. (*Cries in fangirl*) Warning, it's sad, it hurts like heck. But there's also so many perfect moments. I promise you won't regret reading it. (And once again Charlie is a total queen and I would give my life for her. She deserves so much better... {SPN writers I'm looking at you.})

25. Everytown, USA by @aileenrose - Archive Of Our Own.

Thoughts : I've seen this fic on tons of recs but never really thought much of it. But I kept seeing it so I decided to give it a read and boy was it worth it! This is just a great fic that has plenty of fluff (And angst... Because what's a Destiel fic without sadness and pain?) Cas is a lot different from his character in the show but somehow the exact same? He's Cas, but it's like he's what Cas would have been like if he had grown up human. I just love him so much in this fic (and I want to give him a hug too... 😢)

26. I Through My Window by @dehavilland - Live Journal.

Thoughts: I've seen this fic on several recs and I finally got around to reading it myself. Some ample Destiel angst to hit you right in the feels. But I love this fic because it is incredibly motivating! Post season 5 canon-divergent and Castiel is permanently rendered human. Dean is a ginormous penis head and leaves Cas to fend for himself. Cas pines after him for a while before realizing that he doesn't need Dean to live his life. Cas stans will love this one. I just gotta include a quote because it's just beautiful. "No, I don't need you. But I want you."

27. A Light for My Path* by @domesticadventures - Archive of Our Own.

Thoughts : Oh my goodness. This fic is just... *chefs kiss* Told from the perspective of Cas' Continental. (A.K.A "Connie") Dean and Cas are having a difficult time figuring out who they want to be after the end of the last The-End-Of-Times-We're-All-Gonna-Die, but they figure it out together. There are plenty of Impala!pov fics (and even an actual episode), but I don't think I've ever come across one from Connie's perspective. Definitely worth a read.

28. Named* by @RC_McLachlan - Archive of Our Own.

Thoughts : Hooo boy. This fic.... This is a complete season five re write and I LOVE IT. It's pretty angsty, but it also has some funny times thrown in. Dean is a sassy girl the whole time and I love him so much. And the plot twist at the end literally blew my mind. (brains splattered on the ceiling and everything.) 12/10.

29. And Even In The Quiet Night by @KelpietheThundergod - Archive of Our Own.

Thoughts: Okay, this one is pretty sad. Not full on angst, but more fluffy sad. (If that makes sense...) Dean wants to celebrate Christmas but no one else seems interested. I just want to wrap Dean in a blanket and sing Hey Jude until he feels better! But don't worry, an absolute beautifully written cliche and sappy ending will make up for it.

30. Just More of the Same (*??) by @outpastthemoat - Archive of Our Own.

Thoughts : There really aren't words to describe this series. It's just so fricken bleak but beautiful at the same time. I really don't know how to describe it. Read it, the only regret is that it ends. I honestly hated how it ended, so unfullfilling. But, that's life sometimes, and I think that's the whole point of the series. I don't know if I love it or hate it but there's no denying that it is absolutely beautifully written. 12/10

31. the cost of a thing**by @quiettewandering - Archive of Our Own.

Thoughts: Hooo boy! This is a great fic! Fake marriage? Check. Slow burn? Check. Case!fic? Check. Fluff and angst? Check. This fic has it all. This fic kicked me right in the feels. My gosh, beautifully written and the characterization is FLAWLESS. But trust me, bring tissues as you watch Dean and Cas, slowly, painfully, but surely heal the trust that was shattered between them. This is an AU for season 8 in which Dean was the one who undertook the trials, not Sam. Dean is dying and there's nothing Sam and Cas can do to stop him, especially since Dean is insistent on just giving up and accepting his fate. Cas can save Dean's life, but at what cost? Surely a terrible one... Angst insues. 10/10.

32. I'll Dig a Hole and Pull You Through by @JoCarthage - Archive of Our Own.

Thoughts: If yall hated the DeanCas interaction in season six (didn't we all...?) then this is the fixit!fic for you. In this fic, Dean helps Cas defeat Raphael. And boy, there's some flangst. (Also Dom!Cas is a thing 😏)

33. Stitches by @Askance - Archive of Our Own.

Thoughts: I wouldn't exactly call this a fixit!fic, buuut it is a sort of fixit for season 7. (Except Cas gets hurt, which I hate. {So does Dean...}) Cas survives the Laviathan taking over his vessal but is rendered blind. Sam and Dean have to take care of him. Loads of whump and hurt/comfort. Definitely shed a tear or two (or twenty.)

34. The Way Out* by @awed_frog - Archive of Our Own.

Thoughts: *fangirl noises*. I hate to say this, but OMG! This fic blew my frickin mind! The time line is very confusing and the author gives you a way to read it in chronological order, but it's worth it to read the way it was published. Everything starts making sense around the third to last chapter and it is glorious (-ly sad and angsty.) But there is a happy ending and it's soooo worth it. First timetravel!fic I've ever read and it did not disappoint.

35. What is Hidden, What is Seen* by @ExpatGirl.

Thoughts : Wow! This is a pretty long fic but so worth it. The author joked several times about the fact that the fic is longer than her Masters thesis. This is a complete season 11 re write and I LOVE it. It's got some beautifully written OCs, Crowley, Rowena, and a certain someone who needs to come back canonically. (Again, looking at you Spn writers...) This is just written so well and the author was able to put in small Easter eggs the whole way through just like any real season would. Some light smut but nothing too graphic, angst (Hello, my name is angst but you can call me Destiel.) There's even some humour in here too! All in all, an absolutely beautifully written fic.

36. And This, Your Living Kiss*** by @opal_bullets - Archive of Our Own.

Thoughts: Okay, first off, insert fangirl screams here! I LOVED this fic. (And not just because I'm a clown {which I totally am} but for some personal reasons I'll elaborate on in a sec...) This is an amazingly written, thought-provoking, and heartwarming fic to read. I loved it especially as it featured poet!Dean which I don't find a lot of. Now, I particularly liked this fic because it really hit home for me. The author described exactly how I feel when it comes to poetry. They described how poets often write best in times of sadness and misery and how we often stop writing because we are destroying ourselves in our own heads and can find nothing to write about when we finally allow ourselves to be happy. The author puts it perfectly in this fic. Not only did the fic make me rethink some of the opinions that I've had on poetry writing for years, but it also inspired me to pick up my pen again after not writing for almost a year and a half. So, thank you to the author for getting me back into writing poetry. (I can't thank you enough! ❤️) Please read this fic yall!

37. What We Remember by @Tiro - Fanfic.net

Thoughts : (Not Destiel btw) Oh my Chuck. This is soooo sad. Some nice emotionallyscarred!Dean for ya. It starts out so unassuming too! Totally blindsided me with the angst. But also some brotherly love between Sam and Dean. Definitely worth a read. (P. S, I'm writing this from the floor of my room while I sob in fangirl.)

38. More or Less by @schmerzerling - Archive of Our Own.

Thoughts - Oh my goodness this is such a great fic. Lots of emotional angst and trauma (Just the way I like it.) This fic is so amazing and I loved every minute of it. There are so few stutter!Dean fics out there. This fic is unfinished and hasn't been updated since 2016 but I think it is still worth a read. The point at which the fic is left off has no immediate cliff hangers so I think that the fic can still be appreciated as is. Definitely worth a read.

39. Every Part of the Animal (*?) by @Askance and @Komodobits - Archive of Our Own.

Thoughts - I hate this fic. I hate how dam* near perfectly written it is. I hate it for the hours I spent crying. I hate it for the hope it gave me before ripping it away like it was a game. This fic was recommended to me on a group chat. I was warned. I was warned that it was a terrifying, horrific, and heartbreaking fic. What did I do?? I read it anyway. (Shocker, I know...) This fic is genuinely terrifying. It's horrific and I have to say, READ THE THE TAGS. Beautifully written, as to be expected by the authors. (Both of whom have featured on this list before.) This is a case fic gone horribly, horrifically, disgustingly wrong. 10/10 would recommend, but be warned: there is NOT a happy ending.

40. Hautley's Bend **** by @ColdInTheStudio - Archive of Our Own.

Thoughts - Okay! So, first of, if you aren't into long fics this is absolutely NOT the fic for you. A whopping 42 chapters, all masterfully written without a flaw or typo in sight. I LOVE this fic with all my heart. I mean, I'm an absolute clown when it comes to Highschool!AUs, but this fic is just... *chef's kiss. * This is the Highschool!fic you have all been wanting. It's got angst, it's got fluff, emotional trauma, not to mention some fan favourite characters. (Gabriel, Charlie, and Kevin to name just a few.) But you should check out the tags before reading as there's some heavy stuff dealt with in this fic: Dean is not a very nice person at the beginning of this fic. There's also underage drinking and detailed substance abuse. Self harm is also pretty prominent in this fic as well as some A+ John Winchester parenting. But the pain is so, so worth it. Bring tissues!

41. Stay With Me, Sweetheart by @MandalaRose - Archive of Our Own.

Thoughts - The fluff is too much! I mean, we got firefighter!Dean saving Cas' life! (For Chuck's sake...What more could you ask for?) Also some single father Cas caring for a baby Clair, so some cute daddy!Cas for your troubles. So sweet and heartwarming and a very happy ending. 10/10.

42. Season Z*** by @Castielslostwings, @CR Noble, @cutelittlekitty, @EllenOfOz, @fangirlingtodeath513, @heylittleangel, @jscribbles, @MalMuses, and @son_of_a_bitch_spn_family - Archive of Our Own.

Thoughts - So you might notice that there are LOTS of authors listed above and they all came together to create something beautiful. They started publishing chapters right after the season 14 finale and published a chapter every week until the season 15 premier. This is, essentially, a complete season 15 re write. It is masterfully done! Team Free Will vs. a zombie apocalypse. Also, lots and lots of old faces all brought together to save the world one last time. There's some heartbreak, some love, some smut, some fluff. (Also some Samwena to make everything even better.) 22 long chapters, each feeling like an actual episode, made this fic seem like an actual season. (And I wish the writers would steal from this fic's finale and make some... stuff... finally canon.) Truly a timeless Destiel masterpiece.

43. Something about Pinneaples by @lizleenimbus - Archive of Our Own.

Thoughts - This is an EXTREMELY adorable little DeanCas ficlet. No angst, no Big Sad ™, just sweet sweet, tooth rotting Destiel fluff.

44. Last Night on Earth by @the_communist_unicorn - Archive of Our Own.

Thoughts- Sooo, I'm sure we all remember that disastrous night out, when the first big ol Apocalypse was gearing up, and Dean found out that Cas was an eons-old virgin... And I'm sure we all remember the disaster that was Cas and a prostitute. Anyways, here's what might have happened if Dean had taken a bit more of a... hands on approach. 😏 The chapters are all episodes that took place after the season five episode "Free To Be You And Me" and how they would have unfolded had Destiel become canon. I will warn you, their is smut (easily skippable) and there is DEFINITELY some angst. The whole thing is capped off with a bittersweet alternate ending to season five finale "Swan Song." I can't say much else without spoiling the ending, but all in all it is a very good fic to read.

45. Painted Angels *** by @WinJennster - Archive of Our Own.

Thoughts- HOLY FRAHOLY. I love this fic. A beautiful take on the classic trope of "We Had Something Good But I Ruined It, Now I'm Gonna Show Up Twelve Years Later And Try To Fix It... Also You're Engaged To Someone Else. Oops?" But seriously, all joking aside, this is an awesome fic. Painter!Dean x Writer!Cas, a match made in Heaven. (Hehe, get it? Heaven? Sorry I'll leave.) HOWEVER, do please be mindful of the tags. There is mentions of suicide and a couple paragraphs describing a rather grizzly accident to one of the main characters. Also, some lovely A+ John Winchester Parenting ™ and several instances of homophobic language. Still, this is an amazingly written fic and I can't stress how much I enjoyed it.

46. Forgotten *** by @NorthernSparrow - Archive of Our Own.

Thoughts- So, first off, I have to talk about the author for a little bit. I have read every single fic by Northern Sparrow and EVERY SINGLE ONE is a friggin masterpiece. The amount of research and backstory that goes into these fics is truly awe-inspiring. Northern Sparrow leaves no plot holes, no mistakes, no typos, nada. Now, the actual fic in question is no exception. While not particularly a Destiel fic, it can be taken as pre slash. There is a sequel, a Destiel version and a non Destiel version, called Flight that I am currently reading as well. (The Destiel version of course 🤡) There is some serious whump and angst here, both physical and emotional. This fic is a canon divergent from around mid season 9, in which there is no Mark of Cain and is a continual re write of the season. Cas goes through a lot in this fic (my poor baby) and Dean and Sam go through some gnarly stuff as well. This is such a good fic, I really can't stress enough. I wish I was half as talented as Northern Sparrow is when it comes to writing stories. I promise, you will NOT be disappointed. 12/10

47. All is safely gathered in by @randomdestielfangirl - Archive of Our Own.

Thoughts- Here is a cute little coda for season 12 episode 6, “Celebrating the Life of Asa Fox.” It’s mostly Mary-centric and her understanding of the Dean/Cas relationship. I’ve always had a soft spot for season 12 codas where Mary sees that Dean and Sam have grown up. (Especially those that have DeanCas in them.)

48. Bring Up the Deep by @deathbanjo - Archive of Our Own.

Thoughts- Here is a pretty cool case!fic with eventual Destiel fluff at the end. The story line is a little heavy and dark, but nothing more than canon-typical violence. This involves Sam, Dean, and a human Cas traveling to the beach to investigate a “sea monster.” Fair warning, there are moments describing Cas’ depression and struggle with figuring out who he is and who he wants to be, but again, not as bad as season 9... (STILL not forgiving the writers for that fiasco.)

49. Hazy Shade of Winter by @GeekPrincess - Archive of Our Own.

Thoughts- Here is yet another case!fic. This one has Team Free Will and Mary teaming up to solve a case in rural Wyoming in the middle of winter. It takes place not too long after Mary’s resurrection and Sam being freed from the British Men of Letters. At first it seems to be just a normal case, but per Winchester fashion, someone ends up getting attacked. Definitely worth a read.

50. A Little Old Fashioned by @theheartchoice - Archive of Our Own.

Thoughts- Another coda, sorry... (I’ve been going through a faze) This one takes place in the aftermath of 14x13 episode “Lebanon.” I was disappointed that Cas didn’t play that big of a role in the 300th episode. I thought for sure he would considering he WASN’T EVEN IN THE 200TH EPISODE. *Clears throat* Umm, ya. Just some Destiel fluff of Cas taking care of Dean’s wounds the old fashioned way after John’s departure.

51. Same Deep Water by @braezenkitty - Archive of Our Own.

Thoughts- Team Free Will heads to California to investigate a string of mysterious deaths in a supposedly haunted hotel called the Brookdale Lodge, nestled in the redwoods of Santa Cruz. I particularly enjoyed this fic because it has a definite early SPN vibe. Very creepy and eerie and reminded me a lot of No Exit (2x06) and Playthings (2x11). Also a bit of flirty!Cas and jealous!Dean.

52. Looking for a Sign* by @emwebb17 - Archive of Our Own.

Thoughts- THIS FIC... is sooo adorable. Holy Chuck. Dean meets Cas on his bus ride to work and tries to talk with him. Not realizing that Cas is deaf, Dean just assumes he’s being ignored and goes out of his way to get Cas to interact with him. After weeks of no response he finally realizes that Cas can’t hear him and so Dean offers that they start over with their acquaintanceship. Dean meets all of Cas’ friends and they quickly grow closer and closer. They would be perfect for each other except Cas refuses to date hearing people. (Also, bonus points for the pun in the title.)

53. Peanut Butter-Pumpkin Wedding Cake by @Sparseparsley - Archive of Our Own.

Thoughts- I’ve seen this fic on so many rec lists and I’m so mad that it took me this long to finally read it. Bartender!Dean meets Cas at a bachelor party and they hit it off right away. Then, when Cas’ car breaks down, Dean offers to drive him around to make preparations for the upcoming wedding. Dean has a massive crush, but thanks to Dean’s remarkable ability to jump to conclusions, he thinks that Cas is the one getting married in 2 weeks. Read it just for the sake of watching two idiots dance around each other for weeks on end. They aren’t fooling anyone but themselves.

54. My Marble Guardian by @LadyDrace - Archive of Our Own.

Thoughts- Bring tissues cuz this one hurts like a season 12 finale. (Heh. I’m hilarious.) Dean is killing himself trying to support little Sam after their parents die. Dean is close to ending it all and takes to talking to the marble angel statue that sits by his mother’s grave. I can’t say much else without spoiling the ending so you’ll have to read it yourself to find out how it ends.

55. The Law of Equivalent Exchange** by @awed_frog - Archive of Our Own.

Thoughts- Holy crap! This fic is truly amazing. @awed-frog is one of my favourite authors of all time. (And has featured on this rec list before.) This fic follows Castiel caring for his ward, a man who will one day be called Dean Winchester. Follow Cas through Rome, Greece, Paris, Russia, Germany, and more as he guides the impossibly bright soul that Heaven claims will one day save them all. In other words, Cas is sent to earth to watch over Dan, son of Enoch and continues to do so until January 24th, 1979, the day Dean Winchester is finally born. The fic then becomes canon-compliant all the way until season 11, then stems into a canon-divergent for defeating Amara. All from Cas’ POV, we see how he went from being Castiel, Angel of Tears and Thursdays to Cas, Angel of Dean Winchester. 12/10.

56. A Way Back Home* by @thatpeculiarone - Archive of Our Own.

Thoughts- Another AU with deaf!Cas. Dean is a lonely bakery owner whose past is full of heartbreak and loss. He meets Clair Novak, a mute girl who has no one to talk to, after Jody suggests that they meet. Neither are too keen on the idea at first, but they soon discover a perfect remedy for their predicament. Dean loves to tell stories and Clair loves to hear them. Dean has a story for every pastry in his bakery, and Clair soon realizes that all of Dean’s stories seem to revolve around one person. After finally discovering why Dean always looks sad when no one is looking, hates Valentines Day with a passion, and only ever talks about his best friend in the past tense, Clair is determined to help Dean get the happily-ever-after that he never got to have.

57. Such Familiar Magic by @saltnhalo - Archive of Our Own.

Thoughts- This fic was inspired by the artwork of very talented @lizleeships here on Tumblr. This is the first witch AU I’ve ever read and it did not disappoint. Cas is a reclusive witch with unimaginable power and Dean is one of the most powerful familiars in North America. Both of our boys have some dark secrets and ghosts from their pasts threaten to separate the two for good.

58. I'm fine by @lizleenimbus - Archive of Our Own.

Thoughts - Can I just say, WOW. This one is yet another small ficlet to go along with @lizleeships artwork. This fic, despite its short length, is so potent and amazing! The writer effortlessly blends the canon SPN with the world of Destiel and I am LIVING for it. The somber and quiet nature of this fic makes it an excellent read for a late at night fanfic session.

59. The Shadows on his Shoulders by @lizleenimbus (Yes, I know. Two in a row... I don't care.)- Archive of Our Own.

Thoughts - Okay, first off, @lizleenimbus has become one of my favourite fic writers EVER. This fic is canon compliant (sort of) for season 6, just when Dean is beginning to figure out that something is wrong with Sam. (In the soul department, that is.. .) This here is a wingfic to end all wingfics. I love the writing, the characterization, the plot, everything, just... *chefs kiss.*

60. The Care and Feeding of Castiel by @MalMuses - Archive of Our Own.

Thoughts - Soooo, another wingfic!! (No, I don't have a problem. YOU have a problem...) I am a total sucker for wing!grooming DeanCas fics. I just, gosh! I love them so much! I love this fic more every time, no matter how many times I've read it before.

61. Asunder by @rageprufrock - Archive of Our Own.

Thoughts- Now, listen here lil clowns. Everyone loves a good "I need a plus one for my brother's wedding" trope and this here fic is the perfect one. And if you don't love it, this is absolutely NOT the fic for you. Sam is getting married and Dean doesn't want to go to it alone, so he enlists the company of his best friend Cas to go with him. Shenanigans and misunderstandings ensue, topped off with a healthy serving of meddling family members. A great rainy afternoon read.

62. Good Call by @sysrae - Archive of Our Own.

Thoughts - First, please be mindful of the tags as Dean meets Cas by talking him off of a ledge. However, despite the horrible start, this series is still incredibly fluffy and sappy. It also has Therapist!Benny being exasperated by Dean and Cas' utter stupidity around each other. This is a very heartwarming fic that balances the angst with fluff perfectly.

63. 'Tis but a Crush by @Annie D - Archive of Our Own.

Thoughts - Here is an awesome little meet cute modern AU fic! Cas notices that a man with startling green eyes stares at him whenever they are together. Cas is interested immediately but the green eyed man seems too shy to approach Cas. Fluff and awkward moments soon follow.

64. Where There's Smoke, Theres Fire** by @OsirisApollo - Archive of Our Own.

Thoughts - So, first of, I am absolutely in LOVE with Firefighter!Dean. Cas is an ER doctor who meets Dean after the fire alarm in his apartment building goes off. Cas manages to make a fool of himself but is comforted by the fact that he'll never see the attractive firefighter again. Boy, was Cas wrong. The two men seem to run into each other practically everywhere, and no matter how hard Cas tries, he always seems to embarrass himself with every meeting. This fic was responsible for making me squeal aggressively at 2 AM. 10/10 Destiel fluff.

65. Forget - Me - Not -Blues*** by @noangelsinthegarrison - Archive of Our Own.

Thoughts- This is a fic that I go back and read over and over again. It’s got a perfect balance of fluff and angst, misunderstandings, and a healthy dose of clueless, meddling family and friends. Bottom line is, Sam is getting married and Dean is going to be the best man. He’s thrilled, until he finds out that Castiel Novak is Jess’ honorary Maid of Honour. Dean and Cas had a... something or other back in high school. Dean would ask to be friends again but Cas is intent on pretending that they never knew each other in the first place. Misunderstandings, awkward moments, and an obscene amount of embarrassment ensues, no thanks at all to the “tradition” surrounding the Maid of Honour and the Best Man. 10/10.

66. Ignore the Butterflies: Best Friend Advice from Dean Winchester by @impatient14 - Archive of Our Own.

Thoughts- Okay, this one has practically every romcom trope out there... AND I AM LIVING FOR IT. (*Clears throat) Ya, soooo. Doctor Cas and Firefighter Dean are friends. Best friends actually. Totally platonic bros. A bromance for the ages. The broist bros to ever bro. That’s it. No homosexual feelings to be found here. None at all... Or so Dean tries to convince himself.

67. Prosopagnosia by @misseditallagain - Archive of Our Own.

Thoughts- Man, this fic is really adorable and quite heartbreaking at times. Cas has a cognitive disorder that means he can’t ever remember faces. He’s given up on finding love until he meets one Dean Winchester, but he’s afraid to tell his hot date the truth about his condition. Assumptions are made and misunderstandings threaten to tear the two apart for good, but maybe there’s a chance for these two after all.

68. Midnight Blues AKA To Hell and Back (Courtesy of Sig Sauer) by @outofminutes - Archive of Our Own.

Thoughts- As we all know, I am a glutton for damaged!Dean being cared for by Cas. Dean is a war veteran. He’s been discharged for five years but he hasn’t dared to go back home until now. He’s not the same person he was all those years ago and the constant haunting of horrors past threaten to tear him apart. Thankfully, he’s got a loving family and a new friend (Hehe. Guess who. Sorry, I’ll leave) to help him pick up the pieces.

69. Scars by @lemonsorbae - Archive of Our Own.

Thoughts- Okay, first off: WOOOO 69! NOICE! OKay, I’m done... So, this fic stands out to me for the writers unique take on some popular tropes. Dean is a tattoo artist with green hair (Insert Priestly from Ten Inch Hero here.) and Cas is the stereotypical hipster. They don’t get along very well at the beginning of this fic. (Which is a HUGE understatement btw). Then, a drunken party leads to certain... unsavory actions, and both swear that it will never happen again. And that’s a total lie. Lots of smutty times in this one so be warned, also references to past trauma for both of our favourite boys so please mind the tags before reading.

70. The One Thing You Can’t Lose by @MajorEnglishEsquire - Archive of Our Own.

Thoughts- This is just a cuddly, tooth-rottingly fluffy little ficlet for some happy DeanCas feels. Warning: Do not read in public place for there WILL be squeals.

71. The Ugly Sweater Verse by @nerdylittledude - Archive of Our Own.

Thoughts- I know, I know. Everyone who’s ever read Destiel fanfiction has heard of the Ugly Sweater Verse. I don’t care! I’m reccing it anyway. A newly human Castiel wants to experience every holiday to its fullest, dragging Dean and Sam (But mostly Dean) along with him. This is an AU for after season 5 in which Sam is alive, Cas is human, and Dean finally gets his head out of his ass. (With a little... okay a lot of help from the rest of Team Free Will.) This is an awesome feel-good Verse that is always nice to read after a bad day. There is a prequel to this Verse that is stand-alone, but you don’t have to read it to get the rest of the Verse. (Also, if you’re only looking for fluffy times then I wouldn’t recommend reading the prequel. You have been warned.)

72. Cats and Tats by @cryptomoon - Archive of Our Own.

Thoughts- This here is the quintessential Coffee Shop AU that no one asked for. Cas owns a coffee shop that is right next door to a tattoo shop owned by our own Dean Winchester. Dean doesn’t like the pastel coffee shop because it totally ruins his badassery vibe, and Cas doesn’t need another distraction like Dean, and poor Sam never gets a moments peace.

73. Moving On by @BruisedCastiel - Archive of Our Own.

Thoughts- Castiel is a witch who reads fortunes for a living. One day he gets a customer named Dean whose reading has a shocking outcome. Not too much later, Dean’s ghost comes looking for Castiel seeking answers. This fic starts out pretty sad and things look hopeless for Dean and Cas but don’t worry! There IS a happy ending.

74. Into the Fire** by @NorthernSparrow- Archive of Our Own.

Thoughts- I’ve mentioned on this list before that NorthernSparrow is my favourite fic writer of all time. And their work has been featured several times on this list before. Now, be warned. This fic gets VERY dark VERY quickly. Dean, shortly after the Mark of Cain is removed, is cursed and he kills Cas. The trauma of the Mark, the guilt he feels for killing Cas, and the looming threat of the Darkness sends Dean into a mental breakdown. Sam, mourning the loss of Cas himself, is left to try and put together what is left of Dean’s sanity AND to come up with a plan to defeat the Darkness. Sam and Dean, with the help of several allies, come together to save the universe once and for all. This is a full AU starting sometime in early season 11 and finishes all the way through the end of the season. There is a lot of sadness and guilt in this fic, so please be careful going into it. Bring tissues. I cried gratuitously throughout this fic. But don’t worry because THERE IS A HAPPY ENDING. Bonus points for TrueForm!Cas. 15/10.

75. There’d Be No Distance by @imogenbynight - Archive Of Our Own.

Thoughts- Just a short, feel-good, fluffy Christmas fic for ya. Cas is lonely on New Years because he assumes that he won’t be welcome to the family get-together. But don’t worry! Dean sets the record straight with his angel. (Well...Not straight but... you know what I mean.)

76. Imperfect Proposals by @Fallen_Angel_Meg - Archive of Our Own.

Thoughts- Okay, so, Cas is a total jerk at the beginning of this fic. He’s demanding, arrogant, cruel, and just rude to practically everyone who works at his firm. Dean is his new assistant and needs this job if he’s ever going to make it as an architect, but Castiel isn’t making it easy for him. Things get more complicated when Cas is threatened with being deported so he says that Dean is his fiance. Dean isn’t on board until Cas threatens to fire him if he doesn’t play along. Now they just have to make it through Sam and Jess’ wedding. Easy... Right? (There IS a happy ending it just takes these two idiots a while to get there.)

77. The Novak Hickey Mystery by @FagurFiskur - Archive of Our Own.

Thoughts- This is just a short ficlet involving Professor Novak’s mysterious relationship and some VERY nosy students. Nice and quick happy-go-lucky fic with no angst and plenty of tooth rotting fluff.

78. Come Back* by @lizleenimbus - Archive of Our Own.

Thoughts- This is yet another short, canon-verse ficlet for you guys. (I know these last couple fics have been pretty short but I have been reading so many long fics recently that I’ve needed a bit of a mental break from the stress of a slow burn lol) Anyways, this is one of my favourite authors. Literally, every single thing by this author is a freaking gold mine of Destiel goodness. This particular ficlet chronicles Dean and Cas sharing an intimate conversation after a particularly nasty hunt. I love these types of fics in which Dean and Cas actually Use There Words™ and talk like Grown Ups™. (Never happens canonically so I’ll take what I can get. Looking at you SPN writers.) ALSO, this fic is inspired by artwork by everyone’s favourite go to Destiel artist @lizleeships! 10/10!

79. And then there were Six* by @lizleenimbus - Archive of Our Own.

Thoughts- I know, I know. Two in a row by the same author... This author rocks okay! (Seriously, go check them out) This right here is a wing fic my friends. But not the type we are used to. It involves a bashful Cas, flustered Dean (And I know we ALL love a flustered Dean), and a very amused little brother. I love this ficlet especially as it is a beautiful take on the fact that Seraphim are supposed to have six wings.

80. Autrement, Danger - or, The Account of an Exceedingly Long Day by @awed_frog - Archive of Our Own.

Thoughts- Here’s another fic from a “rec list favourite” author of mine. This is a pretty cool case fic with an awesome monster of the week. (Japanese folklore at its finest.) A creature manifests itself as a person’s true love. Sam sees Jess, Cas sees Dean, Dean sees Cas (And has a freakout along the way.)

81. Memories Bring Back Memories (Bring Back You) by @sobsicles - Archive of Our Own.

Thoughts- Hoooo Boy! Talk about an angst fest. Set sometime in early season 15, Dean and Cas get their memories wiped and Dean is convinced that they are serial killers on the run from some tall guy named Sam. Things get awkward when they get their memories back, as they also remember what the two of them did when they were on the run together. Dean talks out of his a*s, Cas gets angry (rightfully so), Sam and Eileen just want a moments peace, and LOTS of bad blood gets let out out into the open for the first time in years. This fic was hard to read because, true to Winchester fashion, Dean and Cas’ communication during this fic is TERRIBLE. Just when you think the two of them are about to hash things out, one of them goes and says something stupid and they have to start all over again. I definitely recommend this fic, but be prepared to brave some hardcore angst before Dean and Cas get their happy ending.

82. Lost in Words, Hand in Hand* by @hallowgirl - Archive of Our Own.

Thoughts- This is the fluffiest fluffy fic to ever fluff! (Try saying that 10 times fast.) Dean tells Cas that he never got read to as a child, so Cas takes it upon himself to read to Dean. It was supposed to be a one time thing, but the two enjoy the time together more than they thought they would. Plus, there’s so many books to read, and laying in the same bed is just practical. That’s it. Just guys being dudes. And if Dean happens to fall asleep on Cas’ shoulder? Well, that’s not his fault at all. (Also, bonus points for Sam being the typical smug little bro who lets Dean know that he and Cas aren’t as subtle as they think they are.

83. La Hantise** by @quiettewandering - Archive of Our Own.

Thoughts- Okay so, I have been waiting to read this fic for FOREVER. I read the first couple chapters a long time ago (back when it was still a WIP) and I immediately fell in love. I decided, rather painfully, to stop reading and save it to my Marked For Later until it was finished. I have a hard time when it comes to WIPs because I forget what I read during the previous update and I often times lose interest until I can read it all in one go. I couldn’t wait to read it and I was not disappointed! This fic is BEAUTIFULLY written and the story seems to come to life before your eyes. This is the Destiel we all fell in love with; Two damaged and broken beings finding peace within each other. Warning: these two are complete idiots and there’s a lot of pining and some pretty hefty angst. Castiel’s backstory is truly, completely and utterly, tragic. Dean’s isn’t a picnic either I suppose, but it’s Cas past that comes back to haunt Dean and Cas in this fic. The author seamlessly interweaves the reality with the make believe and it sucks the reader into the story effortlessly. 14/10. A Destiel classic.

84. Cheers, Angel Eyes by @wannaliveindeansdimples - Archive of Our Own.

Thoughts- As I’m sure you all know by now, I am in love with bartender! and barista!Dean. This fic has a healthy dose of bartender!Dean for you. In this fic, Castiel, known to Dean only as Angel Eyes, is a regular at the bar that Dean owns. The two hit it off during the few conversations that they have and decide to give themselves a chance. Very minimal angst and only just a small bit of pining from Dean’s POV. A very good, quick, none painful read.

85. best friends without benefits by @lizbobjones - Archive of Our Own.

Thoughts- This fic is set between the end of season 11 and the beginning of season 12 and is canon divergent for the most part. This one is pretty funny and enjoyable to read, if only for the sake of poor Sam and Mary dealing with two complete idiots. Dean lets slip to Cas that he finds Cas driving Baby “hot” and Cas admits that he has known of Dean’s attraction for years. Cas proposes he and Dean enter a Friends With Benefits relationship and Dean just can’t say no. But Dean just digs himself deeper and deeper into trouble after he mistakes Cas’ preposition as a rejection of deeper feelings. Misunderstandings happen, Dean is a big baby, Cas is clueless, and Sam is stuck in the middle.

87. Shifter by @@LadyLini - Archive of Our Own.

Thoughts- There are tons and tons of fics out there where Dean and Cas are the bumbling idiots of the story (Yes, just like in the show) and Sam is the one who has everything figured out. But this fic looks at the idea of Sam being the one out of the loop and Dean and Cas being the ones who actually know what the heck is going on. This is a cool AU in which Sam went to Stanford, John Winchester is still an ass hole, and Destiel is canon. This was a cool take on how the events of the show would have taken place if Sam wasn’t there and Cas had been the one to save Dean from Azazel.

89. diamond star halo by @jad - Archive of Our Own.

Thoughts- This is a wonderfully light-hearted little fic in which Cas possesses Dean while his vessel recovers from the attack dog spell. We also get some great brotherly banter, Cas and Dean bickering like an old married couple, and other Team Free Will shenanigans. Also, poor Sam.

90. like moses and batman and james dean by @saltyfeathers - Archive of Our Own.

Thoughts- Oooohh boy. This fic is quite the can of worms for me. Here, the author gives us a more detailed account of Dean’s past of turning tricks in order to raise liittle Sammy, and how this past is affecting his current relationship with our Wayward Angel. This is a heavier fic and please be mindful of the tags (Yes, John Winchester’s A+ parenting is one of them...) But it DOES have a happy ending.

91. any port in the storm by @mishcollin - Archive of Our Own.

Thoughts- If you are looking for a case!fic with Dean and Cas pretending to be dating on a couple’s cruise then you have come to the right place. I love this fic specifically for the care and detail of the case. Even more, there are lots and lots of OCs in this fic and every single one of them has their own personality and backstory. Be warned; there are lots of arguments between the elder Winchester and newly human Castiel. (Most of them because Dean is a big ol idiot in this fic and keeps the possible location of Cas’ fallen grace from him because of his Winchester Fear Of Abandonment ™)

92. Sunset Plaza by @LoveIsNotAVictoryMarch - Archive of Our Own.

Thoughts- Dang! This is a great fic. Cas is practically married to his work and never goes on vacations, so his loving brother Gabriel decides to book him a weekend at a resort. Cas ends up having to share his room with one Dean Winchester the first night due to a problem with the server at the hotel. But they manage to make the best of it (if ya know what I mean...) Everything is great until its time to go home. They could make it work, but our lovable idiots can’t let anything be that easy. (Extra points for a little dash of Sabriel and meddling Gabriel.)

93. Longing by @whelvenwings - Archive of Our Own.

Thoughts- This is a really fluffy fic set in canonverse. Dean and Cas finally have a discussion that has been long in the making, ending years of mutual pining. The tone of this fic is very sweet and is a great, feel-good, nightime read. Give me Destiel and Impala confessions and I’m one happy clown.

94. Hallelujah! Noel! Be it Heaven or Hell by @EnochianThings - Archive of Our Own.

Thoughts- Enochian Things is one of my favourite fic writers of all time! I can’t believe its taken me this long to rec this fic. This is an angsty holiday fic in which Cas confesses his feelings first and Dean is a total assbutt about it. Dean is at a loss after he realizes that he might of just driven away the one thing that could have made him the happiest: Cas. (Oh, don’t get me started on a rejected Cas... My heart can’t bear his sultry saraphim sadness.)

95. I’ll Cross the Sky for You by @superhoney - Archive of Our Own.

Thoughts- I am going to start this off by saying that I wasn’t really into this fic at first. I had found it through tags alone and it sat in my Marked for Later for months. I liked the tags, but I wasn’t sure about the premise of the fic. I could NOT have been more wrong. This fic was absolutey adorable. Barista!Dean meets Captain!Castiel... but in space! (With space ships and everything!) Anyways, very adorable, very cute. Definately worth checking out.

96. Nepeta Cataria* by @thepopeisdope - Archive of Our Own.

Thoughts- I would literally give anything for there to be more Witch!Cas x Familiar!Dean fics out there. This is one of my top five favourite AUs and I feel like it is so lacking compared to many of the others. In this fic, Cas is a lonesome witch who plants catnip to prevent mosquitoes from being in his garden. Little did he know that it would aslo attract Dean, a powerful familiar, who just so happens to be the love of Cas’ life. (Familiar!Dean is almost always a dog in the fics I find so it was great to get to see him as a cat. Honestly, Cat Familar!Dean might be my favourite.)

#supernatural #dean winchester #spn spoilers #sam winchester #castiel #destiel #fanfic #emotional whump #wingfic #dean winchester fanfiction #castiel fanfiction #im a clown #spn s15 #spn meta #fic rec #ficrec

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ramblesanddragons · 5 years ago

Text

I Want To Learn To Fight

Needed a small break from A Man Made of Stone and here’s a little late entry or week four of @stanuary while I play with writing style. The theme was fight.

Warnings: Some violence but nothing graphic.

AO3 link!!

“Grunkle Stan, will you teach me how to box?” Dipper says after a few days back in the shack.

“I mean I can sure but why do you want to?” Stan peers over his paper at the kid, he’s grown since last summer but he’s still not built like a fighter. Of course, Ford wasn’t either.

“It looked like good exercise?”

“Nah, if I’m doing it, I need to know why,” Stan folds the paper and looks the kid in the eye, “I’m not gonna judge you. What’s up?”

“You’re not going to judge me huh?”

“With this? Nah.”

“Okay fine,” Dipper gets closer to whisper to his grunkle, “It’s my noodle arms. I’m just tired of being so I don’t know...noodley.”

Okay Stan can buy that. He stands and heads upstairs. “Is that a yes?”

“Come on kid we’re headed to the mall.”

Stan knows that his gloves are still way too big for the kid so he buys him some gloves (and pockets a bit of new tape for their hands.) When they get back home, they find some sort of decent space to learn. Between the elder twins, the younger twins, Soos, Melody, and Soos’ Abuelita the shack was pretty full. Soos’ renovations have done a great job of giving everyone a space (and got rid of a lot of the triangles) but they end up having to set up shop in a part of the lab. If Ford minds, he doesn’t say and goes upstairs to find Mabel with a pat on Dipper’s head.

Dipper pulls on the gloves and swings wildly. “Alright I’m ready!”

“No, you’re not. Come here and I’ll teach you to wrap your hands.” Stan starts by doing his own and then has Dipper try and copy. The kid is sharp and has it right by his second hand.

“When you get into a random fight you don’t have time to wrap your hands. What’s the point of it now?” Dipper asks trying to get used to the feel of the wraps.

“To make sure your hands are in one piece when you don’t have the time. You mess up your hands and wrists here you’re screwed out there. Why are you worried about random fights anyway?”

“Just an observation. Anyway, I’m ready to hit things!” He says with a fire behind his eyes.

Stan laughs, “Not the way you’re standing.”

A gentle shove immediately puts Dipper off balance so they start with lessons on a grounded fighting stance and footwork. As to not disappoint the boy too much Stan does let him take swings at his gloved hands before they call it a night. Dipper’s out of breath by the end.

“Look kid, I know this isn’t what you were expecting but I’m tryin’ to teach ya right. If you want to stop, I’ll understand. If you want to keep going though, I think you could throw a decent punch.” Stan expects Dipper to be frustrated, which he is, but is surprised by the boy’s smile.

“I should have figured I need to know the basics first. It’s okay I want to keep going. This was fun and I want to learn.”

Stan smiles back.

Over the next few weeks, the lessons continue. Foot drills, hand drills, basic punches. The kid has always been bright and he may not get the practice of it right at first, he gets the theory down. Stan changes up his teaching a bit, does some reading and tries things out with the kid. What worked for him doesn’t always work for Dipper and he tries to figure out a way that does. Dipper really starts to shine when Stan starts talking about reading a situation and analyzing an opponent.

One day after a good session the boys head back upstairs to find kitchen the same way it has been during these sessions, covered in papers of art. Ford and Mabel spend most boxing times drawing together. Dipper talks about the lesson while she shows off her art (Dipper and Stan fighting a giant robot) and they head to bed.

“Sounds like it’s going well.” Ford’s smile is soft. He’s adding details to his drawing (Him and Mabel as cats per her request) and stops to observe his twin.

“It is. He’s good. He’s ready to start sparing but I’ve got 200 pounds and a couple of feet on the kid. I know how to pull my punches but I don’t want to hurt him by accident. By the way I’ve been meaning to ask ya if you ever figured what got this boxing thing in his head?” Stan unwraps his hands and leans back in the chair.

“Well he does admire you and I believe he wishes to strengthen his body for his own reasons.” Ford starts to talk while beginning a new sketch as Stan starts snoozing, missing most of what his brother says. Ford manages to talk his brother into actually going to bed and, afterwards, walks down to the lab inspired.

“What the hell is this Sixer?” Stan gawks the next morning while Dipper laughs at it. In the lab is a 13-year-old sized robot made of gears and pillows.

“I made Dipper an adequate sparring partner. Programed with what I recall from our boxing lessons and it has an interface you can run much like one of Soos’ video games. After calling up Fiddleford for some input it should be ready.”

“AWESOME!” Dipper immediately goes to wrap his hands.

“Heh. Thanks Ford.”

“You’re welcome.” Ford begins to walk up the stairs and chuckles as he hears Dipper say, “Hey, not the first time I’m fought a robot!”

A few more weeks go by. Its Gravity Falls so the supernatural is everywhere and the Pines family is right there in it all. There hasn’t been that many repeats of last summer’s nightmares and Stan is thankful for that. With his brother around it’s easy to keep the kids out of trouble or at least help fight it off. Of course, one night everything goes to hell and it had to be Pioneer day.

Stan and Ford find themselves at one end of the town square when the screaming starts. People run off or jump into their covered wagons. A horde of shambling zombies our pouring out of the graveyard.

“Ahh Dipper I hope this one ain’t on you.” Stan mumbles as he pulls on the familiar brass knuckles. Ford pulls out his pistol.

“I don’t believe he would do this twice, he told me how badly things went last year. Something else is wrong.” Ford fires and takes the heads off of three zombies while Stan crushes a fourth.

(They’d later discover that a small rift had opened in the grave yard and was leaking out necrotic energy from a dying dimension. Rifts that came out of nowhere were as annoying and common place in Gravity Falls as deer causing problems in the roads after the events of the summer before. Easly fixed but annoying as hell.)

“It’s fine,” Stan says as he bashes two zombie heads together, “We’ll just sing them dead again although you’re singing this time. I hope you still have that zombie bite cure somewhere Sixer!”

“I do but the victims of the bites still need to be in one piece for it to work Stanley. We must find the kids before they’re torn apart!” Stan’s punching becomes a little more desperate and wilder as they make their way through the town. Ford has a theory and Stan thanks God his brother is right as they round a corner and see that all of the kids made their way to the local karaoke bar.

It’s a hell of a site. Melody and Soos are trying to break down the door, Pacifica is trying to break a window with her heels while Mabel uses a knitting needle, Wendy has he axe to keep one half of the zombies away, and (to Stan’s utter horror and pride) Dipper is holding the other half off on his own. His stance is flawless and he’s using his smaller, quicker size to his advantage. The elder Pines twins reach the kids just as Dipper knocks the jaw off of one of the monsters. These things are mindless though and it’s hard to read an opponent that doesn’t think. Dipper almost takes a bite to the ear as a zombie lunges low but Stan catches it and tosses the thing across the road. Dipper and Stan stand back to back as Ford ushers Pacifica out of the way and blasts the window open with his fancy space gun. He crawls in with Mabel and pulls Pacifica in too. Soos halfway tosses Melody in the window screaming, “Sing for our lives my songbird!”

“Okay?!” Melody yells back.

It takes agonizing seconds for Ford to get the power to the bar going as the rest fight off the zombies. Stan’s about to toss the rest of the kids into the window and block the way before one gets on his back.

“Get off my Grunkle!” Dipper screams and drags it off of Stan. He tosses the thing and manages to get it almost as far as Stan’s zombie.

Suddenly the music starts behind the fighters and it takes a few verses for Stan to recognize it. “Big boat keep on burnin’! Proud Cary keep on turnin! Swimming! Swimming! Swimming down the river!” Melody, Mabel, and Ford are having the most terrifyingly fun time of their lives as the zombies start to explode.

By sunset the town is doing clean up and the “Never Mind All That” law will be in full effect by tomorrow. The Pines have found themselves back home. Everyone else gets cleaned up while Ford orders a ton of pizza. Dipper makes as far as the porch before flopping onto the couch. Stan joins him.

“Look Grunkle Stan it wasn’t me this time,” Dipper starts.

“Yeah I know,” Stan pats Dipper’s head, “You were incredible out there today by the way. I know I’m still tough on ya...”

“You’ve taught me how to fight back,” Dipper says as he pulls himself to a sitting position.

“Last summer after the first zombie attack, I wanted to learn how to do what you did but I was so caught up in... well a lot of things and I kept meaning to ask you but things kept getting crazier.”

Dipper kind of smiles and looks at his slime covered hands, “I realized that maybe I could be smart and strong and if anything bad like last summer happened ever again I wanted to be able to fight it.”

“It’s best to out think than outfight most of the time kid if you can but I get that. But why me? Ford’s become some sort of nerd outlaw in the past 30 years. You could learn from him?” Stan knows the kids love him. (That was one of the first facts he knew after waking up from the memory wipe.) He doesn’t know if he deserves it but he’s happy that they do. Oh, he knows that Dipper relates more to his nerdy brother, which doesn’t hurt Stan’s feeling. It’s important for kids to have someone to relate too doesn’t matter who. He loves Dipper always.

Dipper lets out a small tired laugh, “I’ve always admired how hard you fight for us and I want to be like that. To be able to fight for my family.”

Stan beams.

“It’s totally not because I want to spend time with you too. No not at all,” Dipper finishes with a study but not hurtful jab to Stan’s stomach.

“Yeah, yeah. Sure. I just figure I can teach ya something useful while I’m stuck with you little gremlins. Now come on get cleaned up. You gotta eat and then get some rest. You’ve proven you’re past all the baby stuff. Lessons are about to get a whole lot harder starting tomorrow. Ya up for it?”

“Bring it on.”

#Gravity Falls #Gravity Falls Fanfiction #Stanurary 2020 #my writing #I am still terrible at grammer #Man Made of Stone is still happening but I hit a block #It's getting worked though though #this was fun #Family bonding #fluff #violence against the undead

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