#I wanted his voice so badly | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

carefulfears · 1 year

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top 5 (or 10 if you have em) scully taking care of mulder moments <3

she said IF i have 10 😭😭😭

1/ sein und zeit

i fear i have talked about this television scene more times than anyone has ever talked about a television scene....like. one, two, three, four, i was even foolishly invited onto a podcast to talk about it more...

my tags here:

she gets down on the Ground. there's something so primal about it. there's such a lack of pretense and sense of desperation about it. the way he hits the table. we so Rarely see him lash out like that. but it's just too much to Bear. like everything in him is just Breaking the only thing that he's even remotely been able to hold onto amidst all of the unbearable loss and trauma in his life has failed. he's fumbling around for anything that might make it better. that audries fic describing him in this moment as an 'addict out of a fix' with 'newborn anger.' “this is the world? this is it?” it's the way that he spends this whole ep cooking up some elaborate mythology about missing children and how they can be found and then the last shot of the episode is that wide shot of all of the children's graves. sometimes he's just wrong. the world is so much fucking darker and uglier sometimes than the way he sees it. and that's what is crashing down around him in this moment. and she's sitting in the wreckage holding him tight.

this is such brave, brave love. i keep thinking about CSM in the following episode, standing in scully's apartment, warning her. "allow him his ignorance, it's what gives him hope."

she doesn't know what will happen to him, to her, to them, when she breaks down the only method of coping that he has. his mother lost her bedrock too, and she didn't survive. from the moment scully enters, you can watch it break her. she does it anyway. she gets down on the ground, and she cries, and she holds him. god, it all just would've been so different, if there'd been just 1 person, 27 years ago.

(thinking about mulder reaching up to hold scully when missy died, and these tags asking: did anyone hold him, when it was his sister?)

i love the show's message on grief (and trauma), in that this is all that is necessary for "closure." there is no "Truth," (and there really isn't any closure, there's no "beyond" the sea). but it matters that someone knows. it matters that someone bears witness. it matters that someone tells you the truth, even when it fucking breaks their heart. sits in the destruction with you.

the exhaustion in her voice the next morning, when she tells skinner, "it's been a hard night for him." she's still wearing her work clothes from the day before. she was up all night. she's tired, and she's scared, and she's sad. it's been a hard 7 years. it's been a hard 27 years.

it makes me tear up every time i see it, the way she blocks him in the doorway. she's not moving. this is just so scully. it's not even starbuck, it's just so scully. she would keep him in that apartment where she could cover him and control what touches him forever, if she could. (she can't, so you're not taking him anywhere without her. the way she looks her boss in the eye and tells him he better book her a flight too. brave love.)

2/ demons

god, this one just makes me sad. this might be the one that makes me saddest. she's dying. she doesn't have it in her, anymore. i talked about this in my newsletter (and i wrote a fic about it once) but this is like...the only time where she never calls him out on what he's doing. she never yells. she never rolls her eyes. she never gets frustrated with him. she doesn't have it in her. she's dying. he will be alone. she won't be here the next time. what can she even do about it?

i always think about this post:

and you know she is thinking about how if she hadn’t been there he would’ve died. and how the next time he does something like this, she won’t have enough life left in her to keep them both alive. she might not even have enough left for herself. and she’ll give whatever she does have left to him, but it won’t be enough to save either of them. she’ll die cold and pale and he’ll burn himself out. and what can she do but hold him? who will he have when she’s gone? what will he do to himself? who will he call?

and these tags:

this is so cautious and tender and apologetic. sorry for all the pain he feels constantly. and sorry that nothing can ease it. and sorry that she is dying and leaving him like this.

she started writing to him as soon as she was diagnosed, begging. begging forgiveness, begging courage, begging grace. begging for him to not feel there was anything more he could've done, to not become the next cause he is lost in. for him to keep going, as she needs to know he's "out there."

but she's seen him hold a gun to himself too many times, and she knows he's coming down with her. and it's such a loss? this is a person she gave up everything, including her life, to follow, because she believed in him and what he wanted to do in the world that much. but things are different now. he won't survive this. he won't be "out there" saving the world.

what can she do? go to rhode island at 5am, wrap him up. stay quiet, stay still, but scream and thrash at anyone who's careless with him. sink down next to him, cover him, hold him. "maybe we need every answer in the world to survive a single question: how long do we have each other?" (x)

(also, her memento mori journal, in general. she sat in that hospital alone, for days, knowing she was going to die. and she wrote letter, after letter, after letter, to him. so that he would have something. so that he wouldn’t be left alone with nothing, again.)

3/ the end

"as mulder appears. the look on his face is of a man who's seeing, smelling, and tasting the loss of everything he has worked for. it's the look of utter defeat. angle on scully at the door. she sees only mulder right now...she moves to him now. putting her arms around him, holding on to keep him from breaking. off this, we fade out. the end." (script)

i think so often about the script notes of this scene. the description of mulder, as absorbed in destruction. everything that he's worked for, literally reduced to (cigarette) ash. scully only focused on him.

in the final angle of the season, you can really see how she's standing in front of him. her fingers clutching him. but when she first grabs him, it's so tentative. it almost feels like she's trying to see if he's still there, if he exists, if his work doesn't.

this is...the whole thing! there's a reason why this was "the end." the final image of this iteration of the series, before everything changes. this is what it is all about. it's mulder walking headfirst into the devastation of the world. drenched in loss. seeing it. smelling it. tasting it. surrounded by it. and it's scully knowing what he'll find even as he's still moving (this script note, from the hallway: "reverse on scully. returning the look. knowing what mulder is going to find. and what it will mean.")

following behind. eyes on him, while he takes in the ash. just holding on for dear life; trying to keep him close, whole.

(also, i love the moment before the fire, at his apartment, after diana was shot. the way scully tells skinner that he can reach her at mulder's if he needs her, because that's where she'll be. he doesn't even have a bed, or anywhere for her to stay!! she's not leaving him.)

4/ paper hearts

oh, starbuck. we are really in it now.

paper hearts is an ahab and starbuck episode, yes. but mostly it's about grief. mostly it's about harsh awakenings. mostly it's about confrontation with fear, scully's included.

one of the most haunting moments of the series, to me, is when they speak to the father of the 14th victim, twenty-one years after his daughter went missing. and through tears, the father says, "i used to think...that missing was worse than dead, because...you never knew what happened. now that i know, i'm glad my wife's not here. she got luckier."

in that moment, as mulder looks over at the photos on the mantle, missing is not worse than dead. it is not worse than knowing. and later that day, in his first scene, roche calls it exactly as it is: "i understand you take this very personally, mulder."

i've written about this scene in the hallway so many times, because it's truly the crux of this episode (my favorite episode).

from my newsletter:

There’s something so viscerally deep about this episode that’s hard to put into words, but to me, it is most palpable in the moment in the hallway when Mulder asks Scully if she believes that his sister was abducted by aliens. And you can see in his face that he knows the answer, and he’s challenging her to come out and say it. You can see in Scully’s that she would rather admit to anything else.

he's challenging her. he's taking their entire dynamic, and throwing it in her face. not to be cruel. not to disrupt. but just to say...so what now? isn't this what you believe?

i don't think that they've ever been so fragile, as in this hallway, honestly. they rarely threaten to break it all down. their entire lives are built on him walking up to tragedy and saying: it was aliens. it was XYZ. and her following behind saying: no. it was a killer, it was a man.

what does that mean? what is she really saying?

this episode is hard on scully. mulder has never been more haunted. there has never been a bigger reminder of what they are actually doing. they are not just chasing little green men, having adventures, studying sewer worms. they are trying to make sense of something that will never make sense. they are trying to find a "truth" that they do not want to know. they are living their lives in mourning, in bereavement, in remembrance, of a missing little girl, and scully is terrified that they'll find her. that it will be exactly like roche threatens. that missing is not worse than dead.

and there is no one else. there is no one else that even knows how haunted he is. how stuck he is, in that childhood bedroom, like he said all those years ago. how deeply sad it is.

it's all of the little things. it's the "you did good work, mulder" in the beginning. it's the way she asks if he's okay to go tell the 14th victim's family. it's way she exclaims "oh my god" when roche says that he just wants to see mulder's face, when he finds samantha's body. one of the few times that we ever see scully lose control, but she just stands up and screams, opens the door and wordlessly waits for mulder to get up and get out of there.

it's the way that she hears "help me, scully" and digs in the dirt, with her bare hands.

(you can tell in his eyes here that he's been crying, and it really gets to me. there's so much that we don't see.)

in the end, they're back in the basement. nothing left but one scrap of tattered fabric, one more lost failure. it's over. she just comes down to check on him.

the progression of scully's face in this last scene is just unbelievably gut-wrenching to me. her smile, when she tells him to get some sleep, and he laughs. the way it disappears when he holds her, and can't see her anymore. with his mother, flashing that smile and hugging her was all that it took to convince her not to worry. when he repeats the same actions with scully, she looks like she could break.

this post:

Episodes like this make me think how alone - not just lonely, but truly alone - Mulder was before her. Nobody lost sleep over him falling apart under the fist of decades old trauma. Nobody grappled with him, let him wrestle his grief against them, and still stayed. Nobody visited him in the hospital, flew to Alaska, lied for him, stayed by his bed for days straight without an extra change of clothes. Nobody else knew he was suffering or wanted to, knew it more than he knew. That end of Paper hearts where she tells him to get some sleep, he laughs at the ridiculousness of it, but also out of incredulity at having someone to wish for better on his behalf. The heartbroken look on her face as he’s laughing into her waist seems to be her coming to the same realisation; “Who looked after you before? How long did you feel like this on your own?”

she is heartbroken. there is so much grief, in being starbuck. there's grief in being needed. there's grief in following ghosts. there's grief in loving someone who is so encased in pain, in loss. he will not go home and get some sleep. a well-placed joke, that smile, a hug, does not convince her that he's okay. he hurts so much, for so long, and he has one person who knows it. and all they do is keep moving: closer and closer to that breaking point that she is so afraid of, and they can't stop.

5/ redux ii

remember when dana scully lied on her death bed and looked up at mulder as he told her that he was not willing to jeopardize skinner to save himself, and she replied, "well, then, you have to lay it on me."

the way he smiles and shakes his head, chokes out "i can't...i can't do that." through tears...they are so kind to each other. all that she has left in the world is her reputation, and she says: take it. take it all. take everything.

she cries when he won't do it.

6/ herrenvolk

okay, i wanna get into some slightly lighter ones, so y'all remember when she nearly fully knocked skinner into the wall, because mulder came in with a (checks notes) scratch on his face?

this is just so scully.

she is so panicked. she just wants to slow him down, to stand between him and the world for even one moment longer.

these tags:

she's almost begging him not to go in. the extent of her worry is heartbreaking. she loves him. it frightens her to know what awaits him.

one of the biggest conflicts of scully's character is that she just cannot stop him, she cannot shield him, she cannot protect him. the way she leans up here, and pulls him to her shoulder. covers him with a blanket. this is what she can do.

there is so much grief in being starbuck!! in loving someone who walks blindly into a world that you do not trust. in following someone into the worst night of their life: over, over, over. years, years, years. in being first mate, holding the responsibility on your shoulders of having to steer in a safe direction, only having one to choose from.

(i also think it's really special, all of the little moments where she checks in. in the previous episode, in the hospital hallway, the way she says "are you okay?" so softly.

in paper clip, when she makes him stop, and says "no, wait, hold on a second...i don't think you've had time to process everything that you've been through."

remnants of the girl who told him she'll cover for him and he should just go get a beer, take some time for himself, after jersey. who suggested he talk to someone, when jerry lamana died. she's always wanted so much for him, but she understands more now. there's still room to pause, for a moment, before he carries on.)

7/ anasazi

ladies, would you shoot your man with a gun, to keep him from endangering himself, while he was being laced with LSD, and then drag him across the country singlehandedly, while he was unconscious, despite him being twice your size? and this, too, is taking care.

the way she says, "i was certain they would have killed you, mulder." and the fear in her voice, his hand on her knee. (she is so young. she really doesn't know what to do, not as often as she seems like she does). the way he says, "thank you. thank you for taking care of me." they are so kind to each other. it'll break your fucking heart.

(i remember asking y'all a few weeks ago, if mulder and scully ever say "i'm sorry," if they ever apologize to each other. and we came up with a couple of times. i'll tell you what, though: not as often as they say "thank you.")

8/ fire

girlbosses when they singlehandedly solve serial murders, to get their best friend's shitty ex away from them!!! okay, i put this one on here because we were talking about it yesterday, but scully really does handle the entire situation with phoebe so perfectly, and that's hard to do, when you're dealing with friends and abusers.

trish, i loved this part of your post yesterday:

scully gives him the space to talk about it, never says too much but she says enough. her phrasing is SO important. she repeats what he just told her in a way that frames it as wrong.

she's a little rabid, lol. we can see it on her face when she's alone, or when mulder's not looking. but around him (around phoebe too) she's calm. she listens, she addresses what he tells her as bad, without pressing. when he tells her that she's off the case, that he doesn't want to expose her to what phoebe is doing, she asks one time: are you sure you don't want help?

he says yes, and she does it anyway. she catches that fucking murderer so that this woman can go home. just, like, an inspiration to us all.

trish's tweet:

really, truly, genuinely. scully solving the case in fire was the absolute best course of action she could have taken. get that woman out of here, an ocean away from mulder. (give him freedom, let him heal, teach him what real love feels like)

(her eyes locked in on him here, phoebe behind her. the way that when phoebe leaves the room, scully says, "you alright?" instantly.)

meeting phoebe just a few months into their partnership made her so fucking crazy like...i make fun of her for being sick in the head in regards to everyone he meets (men and women alike) and never wanting anyone around him other than her but like, my god, can you blame her!!! he's such a gentle person and people are so cruel and it makes her eyes bug out of her head.

yeah, i really don't have much else to say here, you guys. she solved a murder herself, a case that she wasn't even supposed to be working, so that his old gf would go away and stop being mean to him. she doesn't play!!

(also! while we're on the subject of abusive exes, honorable mention to scully cornering diana into an empty room and telling her to "just think" about who mulder is, who he was when she met him, compared to where he is now. "and then try and stand there in front of me. look me in the eye. and tell me mulder wouldn't bust his ass trying to save you.")

9/ deadalive

oh, you guys remember that time she raised him from the dead, right?

scully at 8 months pregnant, sitting in that hospital chair, holding his hand, for days. knowing he can’t feel it, knowing that there’s nothing that says he’ll ever wake up. that it’s impossible. that there is no science…yeah. she just sits there and holds his hand.

i love the moment when she finds out, and she comes barreling through that hallway. she hits skinner first, and starts yelling, “i want to see him. no, i need to see him,” slams her fists into his chest.

then she moves onto doggett. repeats, “i need to see him” through tears. and the way doggett says… “i know. but i wish you wouldn’t.”

she’s loved. they want to protect her, protect her image of mulder as she knew him. but they also both know she will fucking plow them down.

i always think of this fic and feel so ill:

“I pulled you six feet out of the ground,” she whispers, dangerously low. “Because I couldn’t live without you. I gave birth to your child.”

she fed his fish while he was in a casket. she planned a funeral and decorated a nursery alone, at the same time. she ran herself ragged all over the country, trying to keep his work going. she raised him from the dead.

(i also feel that i can throw in here, as related, the time that she busted him out of prison and then abandoned everything in her entire life including her career, her family, and everything she owns, to go on the run from the law and live secretly in seedy motels for years to be with him.)

10/ fight the future

there are too many contenders for my last spot, so i’m gonna keep it simple, and go with the most special movie moment. (of all movies).

from my newsletter:

“Mulder watches the spaceship as it flies overhead, his face glows with a heart-melting grin of childlike wonder and awe.”(x)

That’s exactly what it feels like to me, it’s an innocence and excitement that was so present in season one, that was all over him when he told Scully to come look in the second episode, but that’s rare to see in the later seasons. It’s rare to see at this point in their story, after all that’s happened. They are stranded in Antarctica, both of them injured, both of them freezing in the cold, and they are holding each other and gazing up at the sky. What a perfect thing in their big momentous feature, to bring it all back to what it started with.

there’s such a reverent sentimentality to it, in the simplicity. she had stopped breathing, a few minutes earlier. but when he passes out, she pulls herself up, and grabs onto him. keeps him alive, keeps them both alive, just by holding him close. that’s really the heart of it.

(also, i find it so moving that this film is the only time in the franchise that scully considers leaving, not working with him anymore, and it’s because she thinks she’s not good for him. that she’s holding him back. she never considers him as anything other than wanted, something worth believing in.)

some honorable mentions to: little green men, which i’ve written about here. (especially her secret-signaling him to their secret meet-up place, just to ask if he’s okay). the erlenmeyer flask, which i’ve talked about here. (she literally stops him in the street to tell him that she should have listened to him, and she’s sorry, because she should have trusted his instincts. that means so much, you guys). her telling colton she hopes he falls on his ass after he was making rude comments about mulder in squeeze, screaming at a serial killer that she’ll gas him into hell herself and no one will stop her, if mulder isn’t okay, in beyond the sea….she has threatened and shouted at and smacked around so many people for fucking with him, and this too is care!! (anger meaning you’re worth being angry over, etc etc)

how desperately she became frantic to find their son, after 17 years resigned to never ever looking for him, never ever endangering him that way…because she became convinced that it’s the only thing that would help mulder.

and how important samantha is to her. it matters. it matters, that sam is remembered. that someone else in the world knows. someone knows that they played baseball in the summers, that they fought over the television, that he’s looked for her in every room he’s ever been in. someone else cares about her; not as a white whale, not as a photo on a desk, as a little girl who broke her collarbone because she played on swings too hard. scully listened to her journal, and cried. listened to how much she suffered. how much she just wanted to see her big brother. (scully kept a journal like that, too, once. underwent those same tests. almost died at the hands of those same men. wrote her testimony to that same person.) it’s taking care of mulder, to love samantha. and she does.

#i got really really tired by the end but it is what it is #i want y'all to know #that i almost put 'trust no 1' on here #the way that she yells at doggett that she wants to see mulder 'SO BAD'#but in the end: writes to him that she just wants him to be okay even if she can't see him or hear from him #or even if he can't read what she sends him #and the way that she looks over at william in the stroller and puts her hand on his face #just like...that one semblance of mulder that she still has in her life and that she holds onto- in this baby #and he's growing up without his dad and she NEVER wanted that.#and mulder is writing to her that he just wants to come home to her and to will.#and how her voice shakes and she screams when she talks about how badly she just needs to see him. she feels so alone.#and there are only so many solar system onesies and star mobiles and lullabies from the florida woods that she can give #but ultimately she just wants him to be safe and alive and that's what she tells him and that's what she fights for with everyone else #but it's just so fucking unbearably sad and i couldnt do it after the first few i put on here ksjdfk #i would also say!! that her leaving him post-iwtb and their break-up was in a way taking care of him #getting the fuck out of that house. trying to save herself from that trap of grief.#then coming back when it was less haunted and he was healthier and it was able to be their home again #refusing to suffocate there just because he was. salvaging SOMETHING for him to come back to- and ALWAYS being available for that.#asks #sein und zeit #demons #the end #paper hearts #redux ii #herrenvolk #anasazi #fire #deadalive #ftf

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polysyndetonaddictsupportgroup · 8 months

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Just finished reading Pez Dispenser Debris (I don’t even go there but I am fueled by Wiki articles and a love for your storytelling) and first of all—amazing!!! 10/10, I think I need to watch this series now.

Second, I noticed that (while very much distinct) Yuuta & Izuku have a lot of similarities in the voice you gave them—maybe it’s the constant panic attacks or perhaps both of them placing blame for everything squarely on their own shoulders, but ough it makes for the perfect blend of gut-punching angst. I’d love to hear any ramblings you currently have about either of them. I am currently obsessed with both of them now and am placing the blame on you <3

I’m gonna pretty heavily discuss some spoilers for my hero academia in this. I figured that was okay since you’d already read my fanfic and the wiki so the cat is out of the metaphorical bag. That being said, maybe wait to read this answer if you want to not be spoiled for more details in my hero.

Yuuta and Izuku absolutely have the most similar voices out of all of my narrators and it is 90% because they are both completely insane and in violent need of a Xanax and a nice soothing cup of chamomile tea. God I love them both so much. They should each be heavily medicated.

My hero academia is a pretty great watch through the Shie Hassaikai arc. The concept is entertaining, the characters are GREAT, and the world building is really cool.

Then the story sort of. Went to shit.

I tried for a while after that, but eventually had to stop watching. My friends and I have a group chat named “horikoshi just call us” because we got so despondent at the writing decisions after that arc.

Horikoshi. If you’re out there. If you’re reading this. Just call us. We just want to help.

That being said, my love for the characters maintains its death grip on me. I simply adore them. They’re delights.

Yuuta and Izuku, on their face, have a lot of similarities as protagonists. The aforementioned insanity and need of Xanax, of course, but the skeleton of the stories has a lot of common touchstones and themes, like:

Both characters have some kind of history with suicidal ideation or tendencies. In the second scene of JJK0, it’s established that Yuuta canonically tried to kill himself. In the first episode of BNHA, Izuku is told to kill himself by his bullies, in an act which appears to be common to izuku’s life, and the only reason Izuku comes up with to not do it is “then you’d get in trouble for telling me to do it.”

Both characters have severe self worth issues. Yuuta’s looking for a reason to be alive at the start of JJK0. He’s looking for a right to be alive. In a way, Izuku is too at the start of BNHA. At the open of action, he is told by everyone in his life that he is useless. His nickname is “Deku,” which uses some of the same kanji as “Dekunobo,” meaning blockhead. The most direct translation were given is that this is a way of calling him useless. He’s the powerless member of a society choked with superpower, and he’s been told his entire life that he can do nothing, that his dreams are pointless, and that he’s a burden who would be better off dead.

They’re both saddled with power they can’t fully control. Yuuta with Rika, and Izuku with One for All, a transferable power that’s too strong to be contained in his body.

They both have a close relationship with an impossibly strong mentor that they are implied to be the successor of. Yuuta with Gojo, as he’s second only to Gojo in the modern age, and Izuku with All Might (aka Toshinori Yaga), who he is more literally taking on the mantle of One for All from.

They both are chugging that Loving Their Friends Juice and have tried to kill grown men with their bare hands as a result

That all being said, they could not be more different characters and honestly aren’t all that similar.

I have this sort of lasting grievance with literary analysis when people take a list of common plot points or events and use them to make the argument that characters are similar or parallel one another. Like, that’s all facial. The real question is how do they substantively handle those events. How do their story arcs treat those things? How does their character react to them?

Yuuta and Izuku’s actual substantive characters don’t really react to those events in the same way at all. The analysis could go on all day in this respect, really, but the biggest difference is how their respective story arcs treat the cornerstone of their original conflicts.

Yuuta opens action with Rika as the cornerstone of his conflict. She’s who he wants to free, she’s who he’s chained to, and it’s her protection of him that makes him think he deserves to die. Izuku’s cornerstone, meanwhile, is his own Quirklessness. He desperately wants to be a hero, and everyone in his life tells him he can’t be because he is Quirkless. He’s useless because he’s Quirkless. He should kill himself because he’s Quirkless. He’s a burden and always will be because he’s Quirkless.

And while Yuuta’s arc reconciles him with his cornerstone, Izuku’s forgoes it entirely.

The story just. Forgets. That he’s Quirkless. They stop talking about it. It never comes up again. It doesn’t make any real big impact on his character or decisions. It’s one of my biggest axes to grind with how the story developed, and it’s actually one of the biggest reasons why I wrote pez dispenser debris.

Pez dispenser debris was actually inspired by this one piece of my hero academia art where Izuku is hugging his younger self. I don’t know if it was official art or fan art, and I have no idea where it is or where to find it because by god have I tried so I can find it and link it for credit/to boost it. I saw it literally years ago, thought “oh that’s cool,” wrote the original first scene of the fic (where Midoriya stops the bus and is hit by the Quirk), wasn’t feeling it, got distracted by other projects, went to law school, graduated law school, signed up to take the bar exam, and was suddenly electrified in the last fucking month of studying with this fugue state of feverish artistic inspiration. I have never written so easily or so compulsively in my life. I’d write for eight unbroken hours and it would be fucking magic every time. It was like an addiction. I was writhing with a need to create and had so much fucking anxiety about the test I was not studying for instead. The words could not be restrained.

Anyway I taught myself three subjects on the plane ride to the state I was taking it in and passed anyway so it’s fine we’re fine

The moral of the story is that this story has been cooking long enough for me to get two more diplomas than I had when I started it and I have no idea where to find that fucking piece of art that inspired it, but if I find it, I’ll reblog it so y’all can see it too.

The thing is, the narrative sort of forcibly excluding Izuku’s past as Quirkless would make total sense to me if it was used as something Izuku himself was doing.

Izuku necessarily had to hide the truth of his former Quirkless status at the start of action—he needed to keep the secret of One for All. Like, he could not let people find out that a Quirk was transferrable, but you know, just the most powerful one, and also he had it, please come torture it out of him.

But as the narrative goes on, that rationale becomes less important. He has people he can trust with it. And yeah, eventually One for All becomes more known, but the discussion is all about him being all might’s successor. Him being Quirkless and how that affected him and still affects him isn’t really discussed or treated as important. And Izuku doesn’t act like it’s important to him either. He never really thinks about it.

And I just hated that. Like. He spent almost his entire life as a member of society who was spit on. He’s had a Quirk for less than a year. How are his experiences with Quirklessness not important to how he interacts with the world?

The other point of contention I had was Mirio.

Mirio is this superstar of a senpai who takes Izuku under his wing. He has an extremely powerful quirk that’s only as effective as it is because he put in the work and learned how to handle it. He’s a perfect, eternally smiling paragon of heroism. He’s flagged early as the one out of everyone, including heroes with established careers, who is most likely to replace All Might.

He’s also the one who was supposed to get One for All.

His mentor had found him and trained him to be All Might’s successor. Before All Might could meet him, however, he found this feral raccoon child in a sewer and said “oh my god I can’t not offer him incomprehensible power within the first three hours of meeting him” and tripped face first into fatherhood.

During a rescue mission, Mirio loses his Quirk in a way that’s borderline irreversible. There’s no known cure, and the only possible one is dependent on a little girl learning how to control an extremely volatile and dangerous quirk and using it in a way she never has before.

So surely, they’re going to commit to that writing decision, right? He’s Quirkless. We’re bringing back having Quirkless characters. It’s going to be this sick as hell juxtaposition between Izuku and Mirio. We are at least going to force Izuku to reflect on his own times as Quirkless or have some kind of discussion about how Mirio is treated differently now that he is Quirkless.

But no. He gets his Quirk back by the next season. We don’t talk about it much. It’s more of a minor inconvenience than anything.

It’s almost as if the show accepted as an actual rule that you couldn’t be a hero without a Quirk. And then just. Forgot. Everything it had to do with its literal protagonist.

Anyway, I hated it.

In contrast, I fucking loved how yuuta’s storyline with Rika ends. That scene where Yuuta’s turning back to Rika, thanking her for loving him, telling him they can die together? I’m obsessed with it. I recently moved across the country and listened to that theme song on loop during the drive.

Yuuta and Rika’s love was unhealthy. They hurt each other. But it wasn’t malicious.

They just didn’t know how to love each other in a way that didn’t hurt.

They were in shit circumstances. But the love was there.

Yuuta felt guilty for Rika’s love for him and his for her almost the entire narrative. He thought he cursed her with his love. He wanted to kill himself because of how she hurt people out of love for him. It’s why I have moments in sea glass gardens where Yuuta talks about begging Rika to stop loving him—he didn’t know why love had to hurt so goddamn bad, and he’s sorry for that, he really is. He wishes he was better at it than he was.

At the end of JJK0, Yuuta truly is the last person who remembers Rika as she was and still loves her for who she is. He’s faced with Geto, who wants to use her as a weapon. Everyone treats her as a threat or a tool, except for Yuuta.

Like. Just that moment. Of loving someone so genuinely, and being the last one who does, and knowing that everyone else will just use them. I’m obsessed with it.

Yuuta reconciles with his love for Rika and her love for him, and they’re both finally freed. It’s this perfect moment of acceptance that I adore. He comes to terms with his past. It doesn’t hurt him so much anymore.

I wrote pez dispenser debris to sort of force Izuku to have that kind of reconciliation. As it is, he hasn’t reconciled with his own Quirklessness and how that affected him. I wanted to give him something he couldn’t physically escape and had to face.

#tw canon typical discussion of suicide #tw suicide #tw suicide baiting #pez dispenser debris #sea glass gardens #from a narrative voice perspective you are so so right #I tend to change my writing style a bit depending on who I’m writing #and Yuuta and Izuku I use VERY SIMILAR STYLES WITH #to the point where I reuse a lot of sentences between the two stories #I do shift my writing a bit #with Yuuta I tend to use shorter simpler sentences and have a lot of ‘distance’ in the sentences #I use a lot of ‘Yuuta thinks’ and ‘Yuuta feels’ when normally I would just cut to what he actually thinks and feels #like those are a lot of fucking words that aren’t the point. they’re dead weight in the sentence. most of the time they’re unnecessary #but I /want/ there to be that distance between the start of the sentence and the point because it gives more of a detached feel to the #writing and I think of Yuuta as a very detached narrator. he spent most of his life isolated and traumatised. the distance protects him.#he’s got space between him and the rest of the world.#I go off on way more asides with Izuku but that’s less because of a mindset I’m trying to build and more because it’s my silly fun story. I #wanted to write it ‘badly’ and break rules. I wanted the silly asides that have no affect on the story but existed in my head. I don’t let #myself do the same in sea glass gardens.#pez dispenser debris isn’t abandoned by the way I’m just burning myself out on sea glass gardens before I go back to it. I have to take #periodic breaks with stories and I’m trying to get through this one arc before I take one with sgg. that arcs the entire reason why I wrote #sgg to begin with actually. I have a LOT of stories that I /love/ that I never post because I know I only have so much time and there won’t #enough to finish them all. a story has to have something I really want to do for me to actually post it. sgg wouldn’t have made the cut if #it weren’t for this one arc that I found so damn funny that I decided to write the entire thing for the sake of one scene in it. it’s not #that I don’t like sgg to be clear. I love it. it’s just one of my much softer stories?#it doesn’t have a big climactic or intricate narrative. it’s softer and about healing.#its less narratively dynamic and more introspective and probably wouldnt have made the cut were it not for one scene ngl #ill probably finish toy rosaries next once i do that arc like im so close

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musicfranchisetournament · 1 month

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propaganda under the cut !!

break my case :

The music variety is so fun and the rhythm-puzzle gameplay is so engrossing!! The depth to all the characters in the story with a setting that's very down-to-earth makes it feel like these guys are my friends and coworkers for reals.

hanadoll :

MY FAVORITE MUSIC PROJECT OF ALL MUSIC PROJECTS EVER. the basic premise is that there's this idol agency ( amagiri production ) looking to create the "perfect idol" and in order to achieve this, they developed a flower implant technology to nuture the potential of their idols. it currently has three seasons of voice dramas ( the fourth one is coming soon, which they just announced along w an anime for the s1 dramas in 2025 !! ) the first season follows the "main" idol group, anthos, in their predebut days and their struggles of "blooming" their flower seeds in order to become a full fledged idol group. season two adds another group, louloudi, and follows both them and anthos after their debut ( s2 also adds a new member to anthos !! ) and finally season three is well. i shant say but it's so good you gotta trust me i've been a fan for like. three or fourish years now its been great<3 aside from the story content though, the songs are truly so good !! i'm rather partial to s1 and s3 anthos music but basically everything slaps rlly hard wehehehe :] the lyrics are also insane and there's lot's of hint and puzzles/riddles/clues abt the story presented in them and in the mvs themselves !! also the art is gorgeous thank u teita <3 overall the project is just really really cool and honestly i think everyone should give it a try. trust :] ALSO last point but if anyone cares abt seiyuus here they have SUCH a good vocal cast its insane. in anthos we have seiichi, massun, itoken, tokishun, horie shun, daiki hamano, and wataru komada . . . then in louloudi we have tosshii, yamashita daiki, and takeuchi shunsuke . . . soooo good ouhh

Beloved silly crazy science media where a bunch of guys are implanted with a seed that blossoms when they reach their true potentional. The media is dark delving into different forms of trauma as we navigate the relationship ships between each of the members. The concept is super unique and the description of the blossoms blooming sounds so painful that I was shocked to read about it in a silly music franchise. The songs are ... so good lyrically and make you stare at a wall for a while.. the designs for all the characters really stand out. It's got some strange slightly immoral human experimentation science in a music media what more could u want.

#tournament poll #c side #break my case #hanadoll #i will never do this on another poll but hanadoll is my favorite music franchise ever :] if it interests u PLEASE ask me abt it i wrote-#-the first propaganda for it LOL and i know almost everything there is so know. please. its literally sooo dear to me #it is also the reason i made this blog LMFAOOO #<- begging u very badly to talk to them abt it #im not even asking u to vote for it i just want more friends. hi ( pathetic )#WAIT ALSO while im here if u like seiyuus hmu i love recognizing their voices in media its literalluy so fun i heart kenn and tokishun esp #sorry. my insanity

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monsterbisexual · 1 month

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the silt verses: chapter 34

chapter 38

#p #tsv #the silt verses #im being so brave n tagging this + making it rb-able. i think #posting this for my own benefit cuz it made me go nuts (positive) when i listened to ch 38 n got to this part #i was like WAIT THIS REMINDS ME OF SMTH #n then i found the right ep to check the transcript for the first one n i was like YESSSS >:)#this podcast dude.....im eating it its eating me we're (cant spell the O word) snake eating self thing #this is like. what if we were both prophets of our faith (in different ways i think)#n bargaining w our god for the safety of our loved ones #basically threatening it w the power we have over it #And we were both trans??? :O #Also! how theyre both v like jaded abt their god when they started w good intentions (paige)#or like such zealous belief n feel the bad actions u do are justified by ur faith n its for ur god etc (faulkner but i worded it badly)#now that im rambling here: anyway i do miss that faulkner era sldjk like hes still doing fucked up stuff ofc #but at this point he admitted he doesnt feel the same abt the trawler man n is maybe more like carpenter at the beginning of the series #ok 38 made me cry it was wild actually. the stuff w his dad got me dude!!!#him telling raine that hes wanted to like confront his dad for not being around for him+his brothers n basically abandoning him eventually #but now that theyre together again he cant cuz his dad isnt even like. himself sometimes n needs to be looked after etc #this podcast is great w complicated parental/family relationships i think. faulkner n his alive brother+dad #paige w her dad + carpenter w nana glass #anyway back to 38 lol n when faulkner had to comfort his dad who thought he was his abusive uncle not his son n kept repeating #''i love u. im not him'' jeeeeez #then when his dad is more coherent n they have a long talk abt how faulkner (richard lol) has been n that he thinks hes rly fucked things u #<- CORRECT #OHH n the trans stuff omg like 'ur voice is deeper than last time i saw u' n feelin bad he couldnt afford #testosterone when faulkner was younger n stuff n saying how he looks n sounds suits him n skdjdk wah #ok posting this before i can regret it byeee

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kenobion · 2 years

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Andrew Garfield for Vanity Fair

#he so extra pretty when he's being contemplative 🥺#andrew garfield #my gifs #I am in my feels about how totally gorgeous he is #and both so cute and so hot all at once #and his eyes are so pretty and soulful #I want to touch his hair so badly #it's so luscious #ugh and the way he talks and his voice is so nice #I am so gone on him in every way #and unlike with anybody else #if I could choose anybody in the world to have it'd be him 😭#please hmu anytime Andrew #literally anytime

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yutadori · 3 days

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sometimes you just need to hit your head against a wall at school and move on

#(in the most normal calm voice youve ever heard) im sooooo sick of myself . oh my god #why do i feel so embarrassed and shameful of everything i say lately #was just at office hours for 30 mins and i had a nice little convo with my professor like i dont . think it went badly . i think #but immediately after i left i spiraled like god i probably said a lot of stupid things or it seemed like i was trying #to be too agreeable or too much of a hater or or or didnxdkshsksdnjssbsksbxk #and everything i try to write for class feels stupid and wrong and im soooo mad i hate my stupid baka brain and body oughhhhhhhhhh #i need to be killed or somethingggg #i cant help but think that i was bothering my professor and that he did notttttt want me to be there #like his energy seemed very different from yesterday he was less silly and more reserved ish maybe not reserved but like calm i guess #which like . isnt bad bc ppl dont have to be the same all the time but becauae i have a fucked brain i cant help but think that bc it was #just me today and not me and my classmate that he probably thought i was a bother and that i was boring as hell AUGHHHHHHHHH #i hate this so bad lol when will it be overrrrrrr #ss

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quietwingsinthesky · 18 days

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sorry i am watching star wars movies thats why im not shutting up about this. but god its SO funny. that when han is about to leave and storms off mad at the beginning of empire strikes back, he’s doing it with the swagger of A Stereotypical Manly Man but like his actual complaints about leia are “won’t say goodbye to me when im sad im leaving her” and “doesn’t want me to give her a goodbye kiss >:(”

the hopeless romantic of the two is han. this is indisputable.

#HE’S PUTTING ON A SHOW BUT HIS LITERAL ACTUAL COMPLAINTS ARE my crush isnt being niceys to me >:(#the man WANTS someone to make romantic overtures back at him. he wants to be loved so so bad. (han voice) tell me u want me to stay tell me #u want me to stay tell me u want me to stay!!!!!#theyre fun i like them #theres a universe in which these two are written or portrayed in a way that is Not charming but uses the same tropes they do #and i think the reason wr dont live in that universe is that han is so fucking whipped about her. he is head over heels. he wants kissies #so badly and no one is giving them to him ‘the princess is so mean because she won’t say i love you’ sir is this your first crush.

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the-gayest-sky-kid · 7 months

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actually i will make one other opinionated post abt hazbin and it's that its music bothers me extremely. their singers are good, obviously they're good. these people are (mostly?) all from broadway and shit. but it's songwriting is so extremely bad. and im saying this as someone who can enjoy bad songs and mainstream pop and all that jazz. its just plain bad

#a mutual made me listen to stayed gone and i wanted to rip out my eardrums because it was that badly written like actually #also. radio bitch doesnt even have a fuckin transatlantic accent he just has the stupid filter over his voice. which makes it even weirder #when the tv fucker trash talks him over it #said mutual compared it to 'jefferson and hamilton' though so i did get a kick out of that. they were right btw #aethers rants

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emile-hides · 1 year

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Can I interest you all in my extremely self serving Mario and Luigi game concept featuring Gooigi and Metal Mario as alternate reality Mario Bros?

I’ve been calling it Mario and Luigi: Elementals and it sounds dumb and that’s because it is dumb

The basic premise is E. Gadd didn’t actually make Gooigi, rather Gooigi is from a Universe where everyone is made of one pure element, and Gooigi ended up in our reality on accident.

Kind of

He splatted through a portal and was pretty much all but dead or “broken” as his universe would put it, but E. Gadd of our world manged to “fix” him, bringing him back. The problem is he lost all his memories, and also can’t speak.

That was a year ago today.

The Mario Brothers are visiting Professor Elvin Gadd in his research laboratory to see his latest invention, and also learn that Stuffwell has become Gooigi’s right hand man, and can even understand his blurbly speech.

E. Gadd’s been fascinated with the portal Gooigi origonally came through for some time now, and has finally made a device that will (hopefully) open it once again. Mayhaps he can get more goo, make more Gooigis! How exciting!

If only the blasted thing worked

His device doesn’t turn on, or work at all, so he sends Mario and Luigi around the lab to fix multiple things; jumping, using the Spin/High jump moves, Mario drinks and spits water, the usual stuff all gets tutorialed at once this way until he’s finally ready to try again.

This time a massive portal opens, sucking in everything in the lab, mostly Luigi who was right next to it. Mario grabs Luigi, E. Gadd grabs Mario, Gooigi grabs E. Gadd, and Stuffwell complains about his unfinished Arm Modificationings

Mario’s grip slips, and Luigi goes flying into the portal, which then closes.

Luigi wakes up in a forest where everything is made of Rock. The Trees, the Ground, the over sized Mushroom kingdom looking mushrooms, all pure rock. Like sculptures. He looks around, calls for Mario a few times, cowars a bit, and then starts to wander, eventually coming across another research lab like E. Gadd’s

Inside is Professor Ectoplasm Gadd, a gooy translucent, almost ghostly like version of Professor E. Gadd, along with Rock Toads; Toads made purely or unpolished, rough rocks.

Ecto Gadd looks up from his machine that is very much like E. Gadd’s portal machine, and immediately starts making a ruckus about Luigi’s Return. He sends the Rock Toads off to “Go get his brother!” and starts marveling at Luigi’s new unique make-up, asking what he’s made of now, and apologizing for the accident.

Luigi Italianese babbles that he has no idea what Ecto Gadd is talking about and starts explaining the portal, when the door breaks down.

“Goodness! I know you haven’t seen eachother for a year now but you didn’t have to break my door!”

Metal Mario puts the door down to the side gently and approaches Luigi, looks him all over, takes a few steps back, and then punches a random machine, destroying it.

It takes a few moments for the shock to were off and for Luigi to notice Metal Mario is really broken up over his missing brother. Luigi does his best to comfort him, a little There There back pat turned into a spine crushing hug from Metal Mario.

Ecto Gadd realizes this is the Wrong Luigi and explains the portal machine, and how he’d been working on it ever sense Goo Luigi went missing. Luigi recognizes “Goo Luigi” as probably being Gooigi, which Metal Mario responds to by grabbing Luigi by his overall straps, picking him off the ground, and shaking him in a “You know where me brother is???? Where??? Take me to him!!!” kind of way.

Ecto Gadd says he can get the portal open again, but he needs more power for his machine to work and stabilize the portal, so he sends Luigi and Metal Mario off to the Plasma Kingdom together.

This is where gameplay starts and also my story concept kind of ends, so this is just all my thoughts mashed together now

You play as two sets of Bros through most the game (this first mission has them mixed up, but eventually swaps them back correctly); Mario and Luigi, and Gooigi and Metal Mario.

Mario plays the same as usual Mario games, High Attack and Speed, Low Defense and Health, if you don’t watch him he’ll become a Glass Canon

Luigi also plays the same, High Defense and Health, Low Attack and Speed, a random extra bit of Stache, might fall behind Mario if you’re not careful

Metal Mario plays sort of like an Extreme Luigi, with wild high defense and stupid slow, but he also hits like a truck with a crazy attack stat. He’ll go after everything else, but he will also likely kill it all in one hit. Also his and Gooigi’s Stache stat is called Sheen and might cause enemies to miss, rather than they randomly get lucky hits. They’re shiny.

Gooigi in turn is like an Extreme Mario, Wicked speed and abysmal defense, but with no attack to back it up. Instead, almost all of Gooigi’s basic attacks inflict status; Poison, Sleep, and Stuck (a Gooigi exclusive status in which the enemy is stuck in goo and can’t move), making him more of a set up for Metal Mario than his own attacker.

You switch between the two groups on set story beats as they traverse eachother’s worlds; Our usual Bros in the new Element lands, and the Element Bros in the usual Mushroom Kingdom worlds. Think like Bowser’s Inside Story meets the Peach sections of the Paper Mario games.

Mario and Luigi can do their usual jumps, the spin and high jumps, they cannot be separated, and eventually get the elemental Fire and Thunder attacks from Super Star Saga, and the Bros Ball from Partner’s in Time. These are also their Bros Attacks. No more shell or fire flower or weird surprise tube I hate those things.

Metal Mario and Gooigi get the hammer abilities, Metal Mario can smash Gooigi over the head to make him small and fit into small spaces and Metal Mario can drill into the ground to get beans. The two can be separated, usually when Metal Mario explores the ocean floor, as Gooigi dissolves in water and Metal Mario sinks.

I can’t decide what Metal Mario and Gooigi’s bros attacks will be. The main thing with them is they’ve been separated for a full year, and Gooigi’s memories are still missing, so they’re not as in-sync as the normal Bros are. Maybe they can have Bros Items from Partner’s in Time?

They’re a lot like the babies from Partner’s in Time I think, more immature and juvenile in my head. Metal Mario constantly forgets his own strength and breaks things on accident, and Gooigi is eager to help anyone who’ll give him a task. They’re both childishly curious about the world around them.

The twist would be someone sent Gooigi through that portal on purpose to get rid of him. I’m thinking a version of King Boo from this Elemental Dimension, but I haven’t thought on it too hard just yet. Maybe Ecto Gadd did it. That’d be fun.

Rose Gold Peach is there and she’s called Rose Gold Peach not Pink Gold Peach I hate that name she is Rose Gold and she’s a lot like Metal Mario in that she forgets her own strength a lot and ends up hurting regular Mario in funny slapstick ways just by interacting with him a lot.

The previously mentioned Plasma Kingdom is the Element Lands version of the Koopa Kingdom. I’ve been trying to decide if I want Bowser to be just pure Fire or not. Magma Bowser maybe? Where some of his upper layer has cooled so he looks like Bowser’s Fury Bowser in color scheme? The Goombas are wooden because I think that’s funny.

I also think the Elemental Bowser and Mario have a much more extreme rivalry compared to our usual duo. Where Mario and Bowser can square off every here and there and then also play tennis, the Elemental Mario and Bowser will fight to the death if squared off together. This Bowser also doesn’t have the Romantic Feelings for Peach to soften him, he wants her just as dead as he wants Mario.

His only soft spot then would be Bowser Jr., who I don’t know if he should be included because it feels like too many main story characters, but he’d be made of paint, and be gooy and fragile like Gooigi, this why Bowser, a Magma/Rock being, is so protective of his soft son.

Finally, I want Wario and Waluigi to be a sort of Rival Encounter to Metal Mario and Gooigi, Like Mid bosses that show up every other big event a little stronger than previously, sense they’re extreme versions Mario and Luigi, much like this version of Gooigi and Metal Mario are.

#Mario #Emile's Writings #Mario and Luigi #Should I give this a bunch of tags actually? It's just a lotta nothing #I have very specific animations and scenes in my head #But also like very particular game play as well #I know Mario&Luigi is dead I just really enjoy them #Can you tell Partner's in time is my favorite? I want another Partner's in Time SO badly #My main concept is the Regular Bros have BP while the Element Bros don't but I dunno what to replace that number with #but I was watching Mario Kart gameplay yesterday and the stiff way Metal Mario moves and his voice enraptured me #I like him I want him to be his own guy and I think he'd be a fun counter to Gooigi #I've had spesifically the way Metal Mario works in battle in my head for a while now actually #but for Wario #Like if Wario and Waluigi were in a M&L game they'd be Extreme Opposites of Mario and Luigi #But I could never figure out the rest #I have more I'll eventually do with this I'm sure I just wanted to put it down now while I'm still thinking on it #Thanks for reading if you did. You're a real one.#Edit: Adding more because I'm always adding more #The elements are meant to be like. Indicative of personality #So like Mario's kinda stubborn and wreckless and never gives up thus a hard element like metal #While Luigi is very much made of softer stuff and is a rather fluid character #As he kind of forms to whatever Nintendo needs him to be in the moment #Tumblr ate the rest of my tags rude.#Check the reblog for all my thoughts

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