#I want to rip something to shreds
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I'm finally done with work for the day. If I don't eat in the next 15 minutes my sword fighting skills will make a comeback.
#I want to rip something to shreds#//ic but also the mun is hangry#jeremiah's musings#//finally off work and I want to kill something
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im so fucking tired of the disrespect gifmakers get on the gifmaker website
#kai.txt#negativity tw#(sorry these are gonna be a lot of tags. i have a lot of feelings and i dont know where else to put them)#we make gifs and nobody reblogs them#when they do get reblogged all people want to tell you is that your gifs arent good enough to them and rip it to shreds#'you're missing x' 'why didnt you do y' 'if i made this i would have abc' 'hey op ur wrong and this is why' 'i dont like this op'#reposters dont even reblog your fucking gifset but they'll save your gifs to repost later asking for how to do something#that they could have asked you how to do in the fucking first place#we reblog ourselves constantly because nobody else will and maybe to make our work look like it has more notes than it does#to make ourselves feel better about the lack of interaction we're getting#and then when we TALK about this frustration we have. people who are too afraid to say it to our faces#go on anon in our askboxes and tell us how we're somehow selfish for wanting people to interact with the sets#that we spent time on. hours. days. WEEKS in some cases#or we get anons who tell us the reason we dont have notes are because we arent good at gifmaking in the first place#but this is all on anon. because they're too scared to tell it to our faces#they're too scared for us to see that they ARENT a gifmaker and that they dont know how to do it any better either#they dont see us as people doing something we love as a hobby. they see us as content machines that dance like court jesters#im just so fucking tired of the disrespect#and this sentiment goes for more than just gifmakers. graphicmakers. artists. literally any creative hobby shared on this site#we get treated like shit and for what? literally for fucking what.
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lowkey think that if jorge really wanted to sell us on the "odysseus is a monster thing" he should have had odysseus continue to stab poseidon even after he begged. bc like. Looking at odysseus now? he's less a monster and more like a morally grey protagonist. All of his questionable actions have pretty good explanations behind them. if you want to tell me he's a MONSTER, you need him to do something really fucking vile. without good justification. killing the baby? (also. he fought in a war. i reckon plenty of babies died indirectly as a result of his actions somehow) zeus literally told him he and his family would die otherwise. blinding the cyclops? pretty self-explanatory. sacrificing the men to scylla? bad, but has an understandable reason behind it and you can theoretically justify it. choosing the crew to die? saving his own life+you could argue they are the ones at fault for eating the cows anyway. torturing poseidon? there's literally no other way poseidon would let him go at that point AND he immediately stops after he begs.
point is, if you're going to tell me a character is a monster then at least make them do something that cannot be defended. something that CANNOT be justified at all. continuing to stab poseidon after being begged would have done that. but who knows, maybe the suitors being killed will be shown as something like that? still unlikely though considering they plot to kill telemachus and rape penelope.
#and like. i KNOW people will say killing the crew was not justifiable at all#and true! if this was irl theres no way id defend him doing that#but in fiction the morals of killing are a lot more wishy washy and it's easier to forgive or justify it#because its fiction and we naturally don't feel the same we would if someone was actually dying#which is why if you truly want to sell a character being a 'monster' you need to have#a kick the puppy moment? i cant think of a name rn#but essentially a moment where the character does something that is unnecessarily cruel and evil and excessive+cannot be justified#ody doesnt rlly have that imo?#anyway dont rip me to shreds please#odysseus#epic the musical#meta
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hiiii haha. hello. exceptionally awkward introduction bc idrk how to start something like this so let's just jump right in. im taking a break from this account for a bit. i know i said i wanted taob out before halloween and currently im fine sticking with that deadline, but if i decide i need longer away then i will take longer away. every time ive reassured people that id never abandon a fic and updates will always come eventually i never once considered that my writing and ability to feel safe and comfortable on this site would be actively taken from me, so im not even going to apologise. i dont want this either and more importantly i dont fucking deserve it. i dont know what it is in the past year, if ive hit a certain amount of followers or 'popularity' that's made it so the natural ratio of positive to negative interactions must in turn go up, but there's been a serious uptick in weird asks for me. the annoying part is that a very small amount of them are actually objectively mean and hateful, the rest are just weird and invasive from people who seemingly dont realise that's what they're being. ive reached a point where i dont care if the intentions are good. it's not my job as a 20 year old tumblr user of all things to defend the morality of someone who couldnt even bother to come off anon. unfortunately, after blocking only one or two anons, the weird asks have decreased substantially, which says all you need to know about the fascinating and exhilarating lives led by these people, but ive also gone on to turn anon asks off entirely. this is something i actively fought against doing and had to be pushed into by my mutuals (who have been the coolest people on planet earth during this entire thing). turning off anon was a big deal to me even if it sounds silly. i felt betrayed and like id been backed into a corner because it was so vehmently something i DIDNT WANT that to feel like i had to do it anyway for my own mental health??? that sucks. so even though ive 'fixed' the problem, im still kind of reeling and uncomfortable every time i come on tumblr. i hope it's just something i need time to ease because i'll truly be devastated if this becomes 'ruined' for me. tumblr exists as the only place in the world where i am honestly every facet of myself without shame or hesitation; losing that would be insanely harmful to me. and to the people who cant appeal to the actual human behind the post, let me put that in words you can understand: we wouldn't get any more writing 😦😦😦 riots and fires and sirens, i know. so yeah. to anyone who has sent me an anon ask and you're now wondering if you were part of the problem, im firmly of the belief that you'll know if you are. when i say 'weird asks' i dont mean 'you sent me a para about your personal life just to vent or ask for advice' or 'you sent me a really deep emotional compliment about the impact me and/or my writing has had on you' - i love asks like that, so much that i put off taking a break and turning off anon solely for the joy they bring me. im sorry that it might feel like you're being punished too bc of the actions of what in reality is a HANDFUL of weird people, but this is what i feel like i have to do to feel safe and not go insane every time i log in. love you guys, hopefully ill see you soon x
#seriously another shout out to my mutuals#id particularly like to say thank you to boom who's always right there for me no matter what's happening or how insane im being#and also everyone in our little discord that wound up having to make a whole new channel for venting#bc i was there so often like 'today's weird ask isssss.... telling me about my cupsize!! rip them to shreds!!!'#hannah and theo especially being there and pushing me to finally turn off anon. war is truly over#and of course rori bc the shamelessness u show when hating on my anon asks has been genuinely really cathartic#sometimes u really do just need a rottweiler mutual to tell random people online to kill themselves 😭#okay weird oscar acceptance speechcore gratitude over. i do just rlly love my mutuals#like i went three years not telling anyone about the worse side of internet popularity for fear of looking spoiled and ungrateful#so for the first time to open up about it and be met with outrage on my behalf and people saying in fact it's MORE fucked up#than i initially realised bc ive grown desensitised to it is. yeah cathartic i guess#they are singlehandedly reassuring me of the good this cursed app still holds#so everyone thank them and send them flowers NOW#okay im done i think. see you guys soon. i truly do want to come back asap bc like i said i NEVER EVEN WANTED TO FUCKING LEAVE#SOME ASSHOLES JUST HAD TO PUT GRENADES ON WHAT I ASSUMED WERE VERY UNIVERSAL AND OBVIOUS BOUNDARIES#if you're reading this like 'ohhh fuck i defo sent something invasive lately. i thought it was a joke/we were friends'#then 1) we arent friends if you're on anon. it immediately creates a power imbalance where you know me and any necessary context#but i have no idea who you are or how much you know about me. that's already a fucked dynamic#and 2) I HOPE YOU FEEL BAD. LIKE GENUINELY I HOPE YOU FEEL AWFUL AND HAVE A GOOD LONG LOOK AT YOURSELF#okay i think that's all. ta-ra lads??? how tf do u end something like this#ive queued this to reblog a couple more times throughout the day
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sometimes I feel so happy. sometimes I feel so sad. sometimes I rememeber that Crowley canonically listens to the Velvet Underground in the privacy of his car (inner mind) and probably relates to the lyrics of "thought of you as everything I've had but couldn't keep" and "let me be your eyes, a hand to your darkness, so you won't be afraid" like crazy. it makes me fucking mad
#crowley#good omens#ineffable husbands#the velvet underground#something about A Demon reminiscing to gentle strumming of guitar and sotto vocals in a romantic kinda way feels. so raw. im dizzy#:) i want to rip something into shreds#and okay his devilish playlist was on point for the “i'll be your mirror” but “pale blue eyes” fucks me up on the regular#speaking from the obsessed with spotify playlists side#i have to link my good omens ones here#god knows i've made several#the longest one is over a day long for the 24/7 gomens brainrot experience#anthony j crowley#aziraphale#good omens soundtrack#marcela talks
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there’s something so complex about drarry
#I��m more sleep than awake but I am not wrong#there’s also something sacred about their relationship that I want to explore soon#thinking about them tonight#hoping they’re ripping each other to shreds somewhere in the universe
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tbh tho i think my art is fugly af LMFAO
#not in a '>w< eeeek! i wish i could drawww 🥺 i can only cobble such measle crap with my lowly peasant paws.. *unveils mona lisa*'#sense but like a my style makes me want to hurl whenever i look at it bcs it's a constant reminder that it can only be what i can make it be#and bcs it looks bad to me then that means i cant make things look good if u get my sense like#idk man 😭!! im just sick of being scribbly!! and not clean! i wanna ink my art! have crisp lines! dark lines!!#not have to put stupid darkening filters on everything bcs i cant color or shade so my art is just stuck with the blinding white background#well the frustration is more how i CAN color and shade.. i CAN ink my lines with a darker one#lets not excuse my laziness now cmon ted omg dumbass bitch#it's just that doing so makes me . crazy#my attention span like. crumbles when i try to add color or ink over lines bcs thats Such a commitment to me#i HATE leaving things unfinished when it seems so monumental#like unfinished sketches or prompts? fine. those are sketches. little prompts. even if u post it it's shit#but starting big things is a COMMITMENT.. with CONSEQUENCES ! ! i just want to avoid them ig#it's like im stuck between art being a fun lil past time and being a perfectionist actually so no. no it is not#but also i NEED to draw i NEED to write SOMETHING! SOMETHING!! then i realize the weight of things and purposefully hinder myself#then later hate myself for hindering even tho it felt so good and right in the beginning ORGHH or WHATEVER#idk one of my friends told me my style reminded them of the new tmnt movie (which has been praised yeah#for like beautiful ugliness tho) and like. i KNOW it's a compliment... but. why did it make me Feel 😭 like i wanted to rip my art 2 shreds#once i lined my art and my friend (an artist i admire) said smthin like 'omg finally! ted lined art! gorgeous!'#& i KNOW. I KNOW IT'S A COMPLIMENT. BUT WHY AM I THINKING LIKE. SO VIOLENT. NOT ABT THEM. BUT MY SHIT NOW#like UGHHH i just HATE feeling trapped and helpless when actually theres help available but im just DUM!! JUST LINE UR ART TED#art is like playing sport is like making good grades is like working well is like being a good friend is like being a good person#literally. just be GOOD.#it's all a performance to me ARGHARGH! I HATE THE JOKER! I HATE BEING CRINGE@! RAGGHH I HATE THIS SHIT#<- mfs when no basketball#mfw i cannot avoid enlightenment via the meaningless distractions i codepently craveRAGGHG!!!!!!1!
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#me therapizing myself by pointing out the inconsistently of being so worried that ppl don't see me as an actual person to care abt but just#something to use for sex#but also believing it's all i'm good for and that there's no reason someone would like who i am as a person#like oh a therapist would rip me to shreds ..#any social stuff is so so fucking hard and it seems like it's just getting harder#im terrified but want it so bad at the same time and i just#have no clue what i'm doing <3#jester.txt
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uh ohhh smthns catching up w me... (sudden burst of energy and wildly racing heart)
#srsly what the hell does this mean#not even an “i wanna do stuff” kind of energy#its just an “i want to scream and maybe rip something to shreds w my teeth” kind of energy#like what am i supposed to do w this????? god fucking damn it
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hmm i think i am not coping. very well
#i feel like ive hit a wall in my ability to handle anything and idk how to hold myself together anymore#i see myself spiraling terribly but i am so exhausted in every single way that i cannot bring myself to care#and it’s going to kill me one day but i cant even care abt that#july was so horrible. so so bad it’s the worst month ive had since my dad’s passing#i feel so incredibly empty and stagnant and stuck i feel like i am in a tar pit and ive been here before#but i no longer have the strength to claw myself out of it#nor the support of others (irl i love u mutuals)#i quite literally only have my brother at this point and with how physically abusive he can become it’s not like that’s a relationship i#truly feel supported and safe in but it’s all i have#ive always been isolated severely by my family + the Issues have always made socialization so exhausting#i feel like im just floating and no one knows me nor cares bc how can they. i either just push people away to avoid getting hurt or i dont e#even try. and when i want to it’s a task so daunting and draining#i don’t have it in me despite knowing the lack of human connection is absolutely destroying me and ripping me to shreds#despite knowing a community of some kind would help#but i also feel like i offer fucking nothing and am worthless so would i even accept the help given to me. probably not#i wish i wasnt so intense of a person in every single way. and yet i will never be enough either#i feel like ive been clinging and digging my claws into my sanity that was not really present in the first place#ive been put through so much i couldnt cope with so repeatedly and so young i think by the time i wqs 10 i had already hit a wall but you#cant just stop living so it’s only compounded on top of that#it feels unhealable it feels like just part of me now.#i see a complete absence of a future for myself and i have no one to stay alive for anymore#not my parents not my pets not my friends and i dont know how to stay alive for myself bc it’s not something ive ever wanted#idk anymore. ive never felt so utterly lost and alone and broken lmao.#no wonder this relapse has been so all-consuming#dlt ltr
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the amount of things my brain has inserted hualian into at this point is astounding. tloz. pmmm. ffx. the epic of gilgamesh. More
#in pmmmverse hua cheng is some kind of fucked up sapient witch amalgamation.#also jun wu is kyubey ahahahahaha#in my final fantasy ten brainworld the story gets more changed up than pmmm bc in pmmm is very easy to draw the madoka-xl homura-hc paralle#but anyways hong'er volunteers to be a guardian for summoner princelian's pilgrimage and eventually winds up#becoming a fayth & princelians final aeon; only; something goes very wrong at the last second and xl is not able to go up against sin#his other guardians mu qing and feng xin leave him too:) and in the end he has nothing but hong'ers petrified body and a broken destiny#i want hc to fuse with sin like jecht does in the original game but since xl doesnt fight sin his final aeon never gets summoned to do that#but honestly its in character for hc to defy reason and the laws of reality for his god anyways so#hong'er gets so upset at witnessing his princes fall from grace from beyond the veil he implodes and half summons himself<3#only he looses it a little and ends up exploding the ruins of zanarkand and most of everything else around him and himself#when he tries to rip sin and/or jun wu into little shreds#get it. like the birth of wu ming#anyways in the resulting destruction xianle is presumed dead oh no:( jun wu escapes injured and is like#oh no!!! the battle with sin was fierce.... its so sad that xie lian died and also failed to defeat it.... that was crazy aha anyways#xie lian swears off summoning for a very very long time after that. hes busy roaming the countryside and pretending to cope mostly#he keeps hong'ers stone tablet with him. hong'er/wu ming/hua cheng was never truly summoned and so he sleeps too for a very long time#mmmmmm#i dont have the attention span to type out what happens after that right now but tldr xie lian returns to make a second pilgrimage#and exposes jun wu fuckery AND kills sin once and for all with his bizarre fucked up huge aeon he seems to be able to talk to#final fantasy ten isnt very popular so this probably isnt very comprehensible without context#but thats ok#its for me anyways
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Honestly it's much funnier to watch the DA fandom tear itself to shreds over a single trailer now that I'm not invested anymore. Is it really worth spiking your blood pressure? If you don't enjoy it, go spend your money and time on things you do like. Lol and lmao.
#they're gonna spend money on something that makes them mad and then get all shocked pikachu face when they don't like it#maybe i should start selling clown shoes. i bet i could make bank rn#anyways to everyone who is actually excited i really hope it turns out well and you all have fun!#i don't actually want to see ea rip bioware to shreds if this game fails#shut up finny
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being so normal about this dialogue and not extremely fucking crazy in any way.
#this is in response to telling him ‘maybe you’d deserve it’ about the vampire kids ripping him to shreds#which is Not the dialogue choice ieriyn actually makes but this response is one of my fav astarion lines in the game#the delivery on ‘of course i’d deserve it’ makes me feel crazy#because he believes that. he KNOWS that. he would deserve it.#he can try to justify killing them all he wants but like. he knows he would deserve it if they killed him.#this isn’t me saying he’s protective of or cares deeply about kids i do Not think that’s true but#he knows what he did to those kids was heinous. and he knows he doesn’t deserve to walk away from it#and yet he HAS to. he has to! he hasn’t survived this long for nothing. he hasn’t gritted his teeth and done what cazador asked of him all#this time for nothing.#the other spawn said he was weak. that he never stood up to cazador. he has to make that worth Something#but he knows it isn’t Right. he knows he’s just lucky. he knows he shouldn’t be allowed to walk free for what he’s done#idk i’m rambling i like him :)#���言#z plays bg3
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mkay, i usually dont do this. i usually mind my own business and shit talk in my head but i'm not going to lie i'm so annoyed, i really need to get it off my chest before i go about this the wrong way.
hating female characters because they dared to be your fave's CANON RI IS NOT CUTE! and at alot of yalls big age, it's kind of embarrassing and pathetic.
i'm 25 and i am into a character that has at least two canon love interests and one that pined after someone. i'm not going to lie and say that that doesn't bother me on a mild jealousy level- i am saying this to put out there that i am NOT shaming any adult for having crushes on their faves and getting a little put off by them having CANON RIs.
I'm not and anyone that knows me would know that. (just wanted to say so in case this reaches anyone that doesn't)
what i AM shaming though is when yall are childish about it and go after these CANON RIs and rip them to shreds because let's face it, it's not you. at this point it has nothing to do with the characters not having enough character development, not having enough time with the character to make it make sense, not having a likeable personality or whatever bullshit yall have used as excuses to rip these typically female characters apart for having a CANON relationship with your faves and i'm tired of being nice about it.
yall sat there and HYPED YUKI UP when she was just an awkward girl that might or might not have had a lil crush on someone- which so many people decided to ignore and box her into the sibling category, just like the rest of the hostesses when it's obvious they all fell for him. and yall like to go 'oh lol those things aren't canon' because it's not in the main story- BITCH IF THE ORIGINAL WRITERS WROTE IT IT'S MOTHERFUCKING CANON! but let a substory or something come up that feeds into whatever fucking idea you've been feeding yourself yall will shout from the roof tops how it's canon and no one can take it from you.. i'm not gonna take it from you, but at some point, i hope you realize how hypocritical you sound.
yall sat there and hyped yuki up FOR YEAAAAAARS and the second she gets casted as kiryu's love interest you wanna bring out the torches and burn her at the stake??? it was never about the character, it's always been about you. and your jealousy that you're too emotionally immature to realize is JUST jealousy and you make it every fucking female character with romantic ties to every fave you've ever had's problem. i mean think about it, if you can sit here and smash characters together that have never so much as stood in the same room as the other, is it really about canon chemistry? it's not and you know it's not and you should learn how to reevaluate your relationship with these characters before you CONTINUE to make a fool of yourself because it's pathetic and i no longer have the patience to rationalize what you 'really mean' anymore.
something i want yall to remember when yall get mad at these girls for being there instead your selfship oc or another character you are clearly attracted to, at the end of the day, that's HER man. and YOU are stepping in where you dont belong. not her.
grow the fuck up.
and where i stand on this personally? oryo and ryouma are a cute ass couple and it's the ONE time we get to see kiryu end up with someone and be HAPPY about it! oryo and ryouma had a whole year of history together before you even saw them and when you did see them, they had something!! they had plot! you even got to spend time with her unlike other LIs. WHY NOT BE HAPPY FOR YOUR FAVE???? and if oryo existing bothers you soooo much, dont make it her fucking problem. write an oc and ship him with them but dont spend 12 pages bitching about why oryo wasn't good enough for him as a RI.
#might lose friends with this one that sucks but whatever man im tired#i have no problem with not wanting to acknowledge canon if you're looking to ship your own self or ocs with characters that have canon RIs#this isn't about shipping at all#it's about yall losing your breath at the keyboard typing up these bullshit longwinded ass assaults#on why every female character ever isn't good enough for your fave#it's sad and pathetic and i'm tired of it for real#imma start blocking people over this because i dont wanna see it anymore#delete later#i'm not saying you have to be a fan of a canon romantic or seemingly relationship#because you dont you can deadass pretend they dont even exist so long as your not being a fucking moron about it#hell i've written an entire love story for y0majima with my own oc because he was my fave and did i go and rip makoto to shreds?#or even acknowledge their relationship? NO! but i did mind my own business and leave that girl alone because it has nothing to do with her#when i see canon romance but i have no intention of acknowledging it in my work i get happy that i have something canon to work from#great the writers gave me the tools to create a romance that is believable for this character#and i say 'thanks for letting me copy your homework g' and then i mind my own business afterwards'
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me seeing my sister and her bf hold hands: 🙂🙂😀😕😞😔😓😠🤬🫥🫥🫥
#I just disappear off the face of the earth tbh#gosh I am so jealous and then so disgusted by myself for being jealous#it’s just. IT’S JUST.#I want one <//333#makes me want to rip something to shreds fr
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I can't sleep and I had a miserable time today going through my backlog whee
#the first game sucked ass another the second feels like it tipped its hand early so i don't want to come back#the third is alright and cozy and i won't mind writing about it if it keeps being good but it's funny because.#part of the premise is literally the same as aitsf and i just finished it <3 tropes#oh i also tried shovel knight yesterday and i was in misery bc all this game knows is instant death pits and spikes with poor checkpoints#so many games i think i got bc random people said they were okay and the more shit like that i try the more I realize how hard it is#to break out of my niche!!!#i need to start playing something closer to my niche so i can actually have fun instead of wanting to rip everything to shreds#or maybe I need to do something else for a bit like getting into wtnv again#anyway im fine in the grand scheme of things probably I'm just bored#and once again pissed at how hard it is to find good platformers#zero.txt#i think i will also have slept weird for two days in a row which isn't helping. oh well
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