#I want to put together as best as possible all of Jaime's adaptations in this Au.

[are-uwu]

A quick claw study for a Blue Beetle Au I'm writing.

I was inspired by the awesome designs of @wazzappp and their headcanons of jaime reyes. They really sparked my imagination about my favorite character and the endless possibilities with Khaji- da and the symbiotic armor.

[primasveraas-writing]

“Kent v The Shitty Knee Itself”- Ted Lasso

A sort-of-sequel to "Kent v Linebacker," but this can still be read on its own. Part 2 of 3 of my fics about Roy Kent's shitty knee.

Part 1 // Accompanying AU

WORDS: 1649

XXX

Roy Kent is old as shit.

His daughter is a fucking toddler. His son is in preschool.

And he has fucking arthritis.

“What the fuck do you mean I’ve got fucking arthritis?” Roy Kent explodes at the doctor, who waits patiently for his outburst to finish. “I’m in my fucking forties! I’ve got two fucking babies at home! What the fuck am I supposed to do when my fucking daughter needs to piss and we’re all sprinting into the bathroom? I can’t fucking potty train on a shit leg.”

His wife rubs his shoulders comfortingly; the news is less surprising to Keeley, who gave a damn when the doctors mentioned arthritis could develop, and who is also extremely endeared by her husband’s priorities, which apparently lie very firmly with teaching their daughter to pee in the toilet.

Roy shouldn’t be shocked either; he’s had a limp for a long time now, and progressively worsening pain. He’s been elevating his leg whenever possible, to the point where Ted pulls chairs up for him or sits down first so Roy doesn’t feel awkward (on good days, Roy scowls at Ted and stays standing, but these occurrences are increasingly few and far between). It’s been a long time coming, and as much as the great Roy Kent hates to admit weakness, his shit knee is getting shittier.

Keeley had forced him to go to the doctor when Roy scooped up both their children, one in each arm, and proceeded to fall on the floor in a heap of small limbs and curses. He again made the case that he was fine, but there’s a limit on how much Tylenol one person can take in a day, and Roy’s exceeded that limit for weeks.

He walks like he’s on a hill, wobbling as he drags his right leg behind him. Keeley remarks on how uneven his gait is, and Lily, his precious fucking baby, demonstrates just how wonky Roy is by limping around too. It makes him laugh, but then his gaze meets Keeley’s, and he realizes there’s not much he can do aside from accept his fate and ask Dr. Patel why his knee is failing him (again, the fucking thing).

Arthritis. Fucking hell.

“The majority of your symptoms can be mitigated by limiting any strain on your leg. This includes walking, lifting, twisting, standing, stairs-”

“-breathing, blinking, fucking doing any shit worthwhile-”

“We can also prescribe medication, but given the amount of pain you reported, I think the best option to look at is a walking assistant.”

“What, like a cane?” Roy snorts. He feels Keeley still behind him, then he looks up at Dr. Patel, who’s gazing back at him, entirely serious.

“A fucking cane.”

“It’ll alleviate the weight on your leg. Ideally, you won’t need it every day, but it’ll make a difference when discomfort gets too high.”

“Fuck no.” Keeley squeezes his shoulder. “Fine. Fucking hell.”

-

It’s an adjustment. Roy walks back to their car, cane-less for the time being, limping, and imagines a cane in his hand. Imagines being able to straighten up, and not going to bed in fucking agony after a long day.

He also imagines showing up to the football club with a cane in his hand and Jaime fucking Tartt the fucking muppet smirking at him with his stupid fucking face, and he wants to turn around and tell Dr. Patel he’ll never use a fucking cane in his fucking life. Then he imagines having a stick to beat Jaime with when he’s being a prick, and Roy grins to himself at the thought.

That’s what he tells Keeley on the way home: he’s on the fence. That there’s a stigma he doesn’t want, that he remembers this the pitiful looks he received after his first injury and after surgery. It’s fucking bullshit, that he’d be looked at differently just because of a fucking rod in his hand, or because his stupid knee is fucked.

“Since when does Roy Kent care about what other people think of him? I mean really,” Keeley tells him, patting his thigh. “Everyone decent won’t bat an eye, and anyone who does is a prat.” She shrugs. “It’s a flawless system, really. Good way to sort people out.”

Roy grunts in agreement and drums his fingers on the door. He sighs, leaning his head back.

“What if I can’t keep up with Lily and Ollie? What the fuck am I supposed to do with little kids?”

“We’ll adapt,” Keeley promises, offering her hand. Roy takes it and presses it to his lips. “They already know they can’t run from you, or bowl into you at full speed-” Roy snorts at this. “-so now we tell ‘em that they gotta be patient.”

“They’re gonna be the most patient kids on the planet,” Roy muses, but his chest feels lighter. His wife is fucking amazing.

“They’re fucking perfect, they are. And besides- they don’t love you cause you can lift them or up throw them around or run around after them.” She squeezes his hand. “They love you ‘cause you’re you, Roy. You’re their dad.”

Roy nods silently. She’s right, as always. His heart is warm, much lighter against his ribs. “Thanks, babe,” he tells her, and Keeley beams at him.

-

They adapt. Roy remains in awe of the resilience of children- Lily and Oliver don’t give a damn that he uses a cane, except they quickly have to delineate that it’s not a toy, so Oliver doesn’t hit anyone with it, and so that Lily doesn’t hit Oliver with it. Because of this, Roy has to be careful not to threaten anyone at Richmond with his cane while his children are around. One day, his kids will learn to do as their dad says, not as he does, but for now, his babies swear and scowl, and pick up on every bad habit Roy shows them. It’s fucking adorable.

The first month is the hardest. Roy and Keeley decide to grant him some grace- he doesn’t have to do shit like garden or mow the lawn, or anything too strenuous. It’s uneven, in the beginning, and Roy goes to bed every night feeling like a shit husband for everything that’s unloaded on Keeley. They fight about it, eventually, and Roy apologizes to Keeley with tears in his eyes. They find a balance, which involves a chair in every room in their house and somebody hired to do the lawn. Their roles have shifted, but it’s a pattern he’s familiar with by now. He’s gone through so many major changes with Keeley: switching careers and marriage and injury and parenthood twice over. And using a cane isn’t any harder than having a newborn and a toddler, so they manage. After all, they’re unstoppable together.

Nobody on the team makes a comment on the cane, except Ted leaves sticky notes on it whenever Roy isn’t paying attention, and Roy wouldn’t mind so much if they weren’t positive fucking affirmations, the corny twat. Then the rest of the team follows suit, and they sign it and put stickers on it and all sorts of supportive shit, and Roy tells only one person this, but he kind of fucking likes it (against his better judgment, of course).

Commentators and the press are not nearly as kind. There’s any number of articles written about him and how old it makes the football world seem. Roy wants to fucking kill all of them, but Keeley reminds him that all the pricks have shown their true colors, and one day he finds a picture of a particularly insensitive reporter that has been utterly defiled and left out in the locker room. Roy tucks this away in a drawer in his office, and he’s almost nicer at practice that day.

Beard and Ted match his slower pace as they walk out to every match, which isn’t subtle even from the offset, but they don’t say anything about it and neither does Roy. He also realizes that he’s never the only one sitting in a group of his friends, even if it’s just him and Ted, or Keeley, or Rebecca, or Nate.

Yoga gets much harder, then he and the yoga moms spend a night researching yoga for people with shit legs, and yoga gets easier again. If they want to do a challenge night, Roy shifts into the role of yoga instructor, which he’s fucking great at, thank you, and so what if he gets to drink more wine because of it.

And his fucking knee feels better. His medication works, but the cane helps the most. Ted and Keeley had told him ever since his initial injury to be kind to himself, to rest when needed, and to not be a stupid stubborn prick about his health. This mindset turns out to have a few merits, and maybe it’s even a good habit he can teach his kids.

It says a lot about him, this cane that accompanies a man in his forties. He needs it because he was a professional footballer who injured himself preventing a goal in one last game. Who needed surgery cause his energetic maniac of a son ran into him. Whose wife told him to use it with pride, because he’s Roy fucking Kent and his family and friends love him so screw everyone else. Whose coach used it as a tool to force positivity onto Roy, whose team and kids decorated it with messages of love and smiley faces and the two worst signatures he’s ever seen (though he credits Oliver and Lily for trying). It’s a symbol of persistence, of the pain he’s endured, of those who rallied behind him.

Roy Kent. Married to Keeley Jones. Father of Oliver and Lily. Coach at Richmond AFC.

And he happens to use a cane.

[winterisakillerwrites]

Becoming - Part Six

Title: Becoming

One Shot: 6/6

Character: Tom Hiddleston

Genre: Realistic(?) fluff; Angst

Rating: T

Summary: Learning about his son was only just the start of the story. As Tom Hiddleston struggles to adapt to this sudden change in his life, he comes to learn that becoming a father might be the biggest role he’d ever taken on. *Sequel/Continuation of Lovers’ Eyes*

Authors Notes/Warnings: This story came about because I knew there was still so much about Tom and his son that I wanted to explore. I fully intended this to be a quick flash forward into their lives, a snapshot if you will….They had other ideas and so here we are. This is technically all one story but has been broken down into parts to make the reading easier.

Thanks so much first and foremost to @ciaodarknessmyheart who has dealt with me throwing all of these ideas at her and has helped shape them into something coherent and wonderful.

And here we are, dear readers, at the end of this particular part of the story. This has been on hell of a ride and I’ve enjoyed getting to know this Tom and watching his relationship with Jaime grow and change. While this particular part of their story is done, I have potential ideas for future stories and situations I would like to explore. Until then, here is part six of Becoming. Hope you all enjoy!

Tag List: @tinchentitri @messy-insomniac-bookgirl @noplacelikehome77 @blacksuitofdoom @nonsensicalobsessions @theheartofpenelope @ms-cellanies @nuggsmum @inkededucatednnerdy @redfoxwritesstuff  @just-the-hiddles @wolfsmom1 @theoneanna @hiddlescastle @sabine-leo @alexakeyloveloki  @echantedbytwh @finchbaggins  @kenzieam @ciaodarknessmyheart @ladyblablabla @trippedmetaldetector

PREVIOUS

Jaime had been thrilled to find Tom waiting at the foot of the stairs and, in that moment, Tom wished he’d had the forethought to have had a camera to capture the look of pure, unadulterated joy that spread across his son’s features.

 “Daddy!” he squealed, all but throwing himself into Tom’s waiting arms.

 Tom bit down on the rush of emotion which choked him at the boy’s sudden action and breathed, “Jaime lad” into his sandy hair.

 It had been one of the brighter spots of that difficult day, holding his son in his arms. Breakfast was a quiet affair; Jaime, usually full of questions and stories, seemed to draw into himself as the morning drew on. Tom knew his thoughts were on his mother, knew the boy understood, at least to an extent, the magnitude of this day and of what he had lost.

 Jamie had dawdled when instructed to go upstairs and dress for the day. They would be visiting the gravesite, a place Tom had only been once shortly after the funeral, and it was clear the boy was hesitant to do so. And Tom understood. It had been simply too painful to go back himself after the funeral, seeing her name and the dates carved in stone had made it all far too real. But this was something they needed to do, regardless of his own feelings on the matter. So Jaime had reluctantly taken the stairs to his room and rejoined his father and grandmother ten minutes later, following them quietly out of the house and into Keira’s car.

 Tom spent the majority of the drive to the cemetery in quiet thought, his hand linked with Jaime’s. The firsts are always the worst. The thought swam through his mind as the car sped along. First birthday’s, first Christmas’, the first anniversary of their passing; they were all painful in their own ways. And this…This was never going to be an easy thing, he’d known that.

 But nothing in him had prepared him at all for just how difficult it truly would be. It wasn’t as if he hadn’t known life without her, he’d spent the six years before on his own. But that had been wholly different. He’d known she was still out there, still living her life. Happy, he hoped, but out there living. This year…And it hit him fully for the first time that this year had been one in which she was truly gone. That he would never see her again. Never hold her. Never be able to beg her forgiveness for his selfishness and his self-centered choices that had cost them both so much. And all of this only cemented that fact.

 The cemetery was quiet for a Tuesday morning. There had been a few people wandering about, Tom could hear the quiet murmuring of voices as they spoke to each other and to the loved ones they came to visit, but for the most part they were alone. None of the people he’d seen seemed to pay them any mind and for that Tom was exceedingly grateful. Part of him had feared looking over his shoulder to find cameras watching them, waiting for an image that would sell whatever story the papers thought would make them most coin. It was a part of his life he had feverishly wished would remain far, far away on this day of all days. And so far the fates seemed to be on his side.

 Jaime, tearful and solemn, laid a small bunch of daisies by Eliza’s headstone. He whispered words Tom did his utmost best not to hear. It wasn’t that he cared little for the boy’s grief but more that he knew if he had any hopes of keeping himself together enough to make it through this trip, he couldn’t let himself hear them. Jaime needed him to be strong, needed to be able to fall to pieces and know his father would be there to set the world to rights again after. If Tom let himself fall apart, how could he possibly be of any help to his son?

 Silence remained a steadfast companion as they made their way back towards the car. Tom helped Jaime buckle in and offered the boy a small smile which was returned with a trembling lip. The drive to the house felt both instantaneous and agonizing in length. No one spoke as the car pulled into the drive and they piled from it into the warmth of the house.

 Keira disappeared into the kitchen almost as soon as she’d walked through the door and busied herself with lunch preparations, sending Jaime upstairs to change. Tom followed quietly behind her; his attempts to offer aid were brushed aside, leaving him nursing the gently steaming mug of coffee she’d handed him. He’d taken it with softly murmured thanks and watched as she flitted about. He could so easily see the strain of grief painting her tired features and felt a kinship with her for it. He considered briefly trying to engage in her conversation but thought better of it, the ground they held was shaky at best and Tom did not want to be the one to cause its collapse. Not today.

 Loud thuds from above caused both to freeze. Tom shot Keira a knowing look and quietly slid from his chair and out into the hall. The thuds were followed in rapid succession by a crash and yelling. Tom was up the stairs and bursting into Jaime’s room before he’d consciously made the choice to do so. The boy was standing by his bed, tears streaming down his face several toys and a lamp scattered across the floor. Mindful of the glass, Tom made his way towards his son, crouching before him. He called the boy’s name and felt his heart break as wide, tear-filled eyes met his own.

 “Oh my boy.” He pulled Jaime into a tight hug and kissed his head while the boy wept into his chest. Tom rocked him slowly back and forth, murmuring words of comfort into the top of his head. “I’ve got you. It’s alright. I’ve got you.”

 Tears burned in his own eyes and he shut them tightly in a vain effort to stem their flow. There would be time enough to fall apart later, Jaime needed him now. Several minutes later the boy’s sobs quieted and his shaking slowed. Tom held him until he finally seemed to calm and Jaime sat silent in his arms.

 Jaime’s voice was muffled from the way he had pressed his face into Tom’s shirt. And his father, though he tried valiantly, could not make sense of what had been said. With a calm, quiet tone, Tom pulled the boy back and asked him what he’d said. Jaime sniffed twice before murmuring once more, “I want Mummy to come home.”

 The words shattered Tom’s heart and he gripped the boy tightly to him, unable to speak. When he finally found his voice, he was disheartened to hear the emotions he’d been trying so hard to tamper down resonating clearly. “I know. I wish she was here as well.” Several moments of silence passed before Tom spoke again. “But as long as you remember the happy times you had with your mummy then in a way, she’s never really gone.”

 Jaime blinked up at him with glassy eyes. “Really?”

 Tom nodded, leaning down to kiss Jaime’s head once more. “Really. As long as you keep her alive in your heart, she’ll always be there.” They sat quietly for several minutes before Tom sighed and pulled back. “So let’s get this room set to rights and go see what your Nan’s made for lunch?”

 Silently, Jaime nodded and climbed off Toms lap. They made quick work of the mess Jaime had made (Tom refusing to let him anywhere near the glass from the lamp bulb) before heading back down stairs and joining Kiera in the kitchen. They passed the rest of the day quietly together, occasionally talking but mostly sitting together or watching Jaime play with Lego.

 As Tom carried his exhausted son up the stairs, the small boy clinging to him, that night he was grateful to have made it through the day. His own eyes burned with tears and exhaustion but he’d done what he’d set to do; he’d been there for Jaime, been as strong as he could have been. There was time later to fall to pieces, though Tom knew that time would not be put off much longer.  

 Teeth cleaned and tucked into his bed, Tom watched as Jaime blinked sleepily up at him. He smiled softly, closing the book in his lap and leaning in to kiss his son gently on the forehead. “I love you, Jaime. Always.”

 A muffled, “love you too,” echoed from beneath the covers. Tom smiled softly as he stood and flicked off the overhead light. He pulled the door to and slowly descended once more down the stairs.

 “Tom?” Keira’s voice echoed from the living room.

 Freezing on the landing, Tom took a deep breath to steady himself before answering, “Yes?”

 “Can you come here a moment?”

 Tom padded quietly down the hall and into the living room, finding Keira sitting on a chair, book in her lap. “Yes?”

 She smiled quietly at him. “I wanted to thank you for coming today. I know I’ve not been the easiest person and we’ve not really ever gotten on but you’ve been there for Jaime and I appreciate that. So thank you for coming today. Jaime needed you and I think you needed him just as badly.”

 He stood in the doorway, mind reeling. He wasn’t sure what to think let alone how to respond so he remained silent for several moments, staring at a spot a few inches above Keira’s head, before finally nodding and returning her smile with a strained one of his own. Rubbing his hands on his jeans, Tom took a breath and motioned at the door. “I should probably be on my way. Thank you, again, for having me. I know it’s not been easy for you, any of this.”

 It was Keira’s turn to nod quietly. 

 Still unsettled, Tom turned and walked slowly down the hall and towards the front door. Bidding a silent goodnight to his sleeping son upstairs, he disappeared into the cool evening and set on his way home. 

 The next several weeks were a blur of activity, Tom spent several hours in and out of both Luke and his agent’s offices, working to finagle his upcoming schedule into something more home based. He had put the idea out there or maybe a theatre production, of at all possible, something that would allow him the flexibility of bringing his son more steadily into his life. Honestly, Tom would have been grateful for anything more locally based. He’d spent so much of the last several years running the world over and as exciting and challenging as that had been, he’s missed the comfort and steadfastness of home and of his family. With Jaime now in his life, it would be a good time to finally, truly start putting down roots. 

 Jaime appeared to be thriving in his new school. He’d made friends as easily as breathing and was consistently full of stories and ideas on his frequent calls and visits with Tom. It warmed Tom’s heart to see and hear his son doing so well. There were moments still when he could see the shadow of grief on Jaime’s face and Tom knew it was something that would take time to heal and fade. If it ever fully did.

 The first weekend of October found Jaime in London with Tom, one of the first days they’d been able to plan a day trip between the boy’s school schedule and Tom’s own. His son had been a whirlwind of excitement on the drive up, asking Tom hundreds of questions about the places they passed and about their plans for the day. It would be his first proper meeting with his Gran, as he’d taken to calling Diana on the few phone calls they’d shared, and his Aunty Emma. Tom wasn’t sure who was more excited for the outing, his mother and sister or his son.  

 He’d been grateful at Emma’s forethought in bringing a camera for this outing. Tom would cherish the photo she’d captured of the way Jaime’s face lit when he first laid eyes on his grandmother and the way his mother’s echoed the same for as long as he lived. He’d hugged his baby sister tightly when she’d given it to him, professionally framed, a few months later as a Christmas gift and it hung in a place of pride in his living room. 

 They’d spent that day wandering around Covent Garden and, for the most part, they had been left well enough alone. A few braver fans had approached, shyly asking for autographs (which he agreed to with a smile) and photographs (which he declined). Jaime had been, thankfully, kept occupied by his aunt and grandmother though he did ask Tom if any more of his friends would be coming with them. 

 Jaime had been exhausted on the drive back to Keira’s that evening and Tom had, briefly, considered insisting that Jaime stay at his overnight and then heading back the following morning. Keira wouldn’t have fought him on it, of that Tom was certain, but a quiet voice in the back of his head yelled ‘too soon.’ So he’d buckled Jaime into the backseat of the car and driven his son home. 

 The day trips and visits happened with fair regularity as autumn turned to winter. Jaime enjoyed seeing the Christmas lights and decorations lining London in mid-December. And he’d been excited to finally meet Tom’s sister, her husband and their little girl, “my cousin!” he’d exclaimed when Tom had picked him up Christmas Day and driven him to Diana’s. Jaime had again babbled excitedly on the way home how he’d loved being able to meet his Auntie Sarah as well as his uncle and older cousin but that he’d been happier seeing his Gran and Auntie Emma (it was something Emma had lorded over Sarah for months after, much to Tom and Diana’s amusement). 

 January saw Tom flitting about trying to hammer out his remaining unsettled commitments for the coming year and with school in full swing, the occasional weekend visit from Tom took the place of outings. And February had been just as packed for both father and son, though Tom had been thrilled to receive the handmade card from Jaime in celebration of his birthday. He’d showed it off proudly to Luke, Emma, his mum, and anyone else who’d stopped by his home long enough for him to pull it out. Benedict had laughed good-naturedly, a knowing look in his eye.

 By early March Tom found himself with time on his hands once more. He’d sat then with Jaime and Keira to discuss the possibility of an overnight stay in London. Jaime brightened as understanding dawned and it had taken a fair bit of discussion with Keira to figure out the when and how of the matter. A bank holiday weekend seemed to fit the bill and once the dates were set, Jaime had been absolutely giddy, talking of nothing else. And so Tom found himself pacing the living room in anxious anticipation two weeks later, waiting for his phone to ping once more. 

 Tom glanced again at the watch on his wrist and then out of the living room window. Keira had sent a text nearly half an hour before saying their train was arriving at Kings Cross. He’d insisted on going to pick them up from the station (as his initial he’d offer to drive up and pick Jaime up from Keira’s had been dismissed as unnecessary. “I’ve got plans to stay with friend up north and this would be on the way.”) but once again Keira had turned the offer down, insisting that Jaime would enjoy taking the Tube and the walk would do them both good. So he had relented, and watched the minutes tick by as he paced an ever growing groove in the floor by the living room window.

 He sighed, and dropped himself onto the couch, grabbing his phone from the table beside it. This weekend had been months in the making and Tom had agonized over every last bit of it. They’d gone on countless day trips, both in and around London, but this would be the first time Jaime would be staying after. They’d spent some time in Tom’s house between activities, but never longer than a handful of hours. Yes, he had stayed with Jaime at Keira’s when she’d had an unexpected trip up north to help out her younger sister. But that had been in territory Jaime was familiar and comfortable with.

 Emma had teased him mercilessly when he’d called and voiced his concerns two nights prior. All good-naturedly, but teased nonetheless. “Seriously Tom, it’s not like you haven’t done this before. It’s just on your turf this time.”

 “Yes,” he’d challenged back. “It’s here and he’s never spent more than a night away from Keira’s before. What if he…”

 “Tom, stop, please. You’ll give yourself grey hair worrying yourself like this. He will be fine and if he’s not, you’ll be there. You’re his dad, Tom, he trusts you.”   

 He took a deep breath, running a hand through his hair (god he’d need to get it cut soon it really was getting to be a touch too long). Emma was right, he was being ridiculous. Tom let out a soft, quiet sigh. “How did you get to be so smart?”

 Emma’s laugh echoed in his ear. “Sarah is an excellent role model.”

 “Alright, brat,” he answered with a chuckle of his own, “I see how it is.”

 “I just call it like I see it, brother mine.” They both laughed. “So just take a deep breath and run with it. You have this and you know Mum and I are only a call away if you get out of your depth.”

 He ended the call, still nervous but bolstered enough to relax. And then he’d spent an inordinate amount of time straightening his already neat home. Not that he though Jaime would care overmuch, but he’d had this innate desire to show Keira he could do this. That he was ready and capable to be the father Jaime needed. The father he deserved.

 And now that the house was near spotless and groceries, movies, and activities for the evening had been acquired and set into motion, all Tom could do was pace back and forth like a madman, lost in his own thoughts. It therefore came as a surprise when his mobile pinged ten minutes later. God had it only been ten minutes? He glanced at the screen and found Keira’s message letting him know they’d alighted at the nearby Underground stop and were beginning to make their way towards the house. She’d verified the address with him and, when he confirmed, messaged they’d see him shortly. 

 Hand buried in his hair, Tom padded towards the front door and waited for the front gate bell to ring. When it did five minutes later, he quickly buzzed them through the black metal gate lining his property and pulled the heavy wooden front door open. 

 “Daddy!” Jaime squealed, breaking free of Keira’s grasp and darting towards the opened door. Tom caught him mid leap and spun the small boy around, his own face breaking into a happy grin. 

 “Hey buddy.” He kissed Jaime’s head and released him, turning his attention back to Keira who was making her way up the stone path, Jaime’s small rolling case in one hand and her own larger in the other. 

 Tom stepped from the house to help take Jaime’s case and invite Keira inside. She smiled warmly at him and followed him through the front door. Jaime had descended into the living room, climbing onto the sofa and talking a mile a minute about his trip. Tom smiled at the boy indulgently and turned to ask Keira if she would like a coffee or a tea.

 She smiled warmly and waved him off. “I have a train to catch. But I wouldn’t say no to use of your loo.”

 He’d showed her to the downstairs bathroom before padding back into the living room. Jaime pushed himself up at Tom’s re-entry and asked excitedly about the evening’s plans before transitioning into a detailed description of the movie he’d seen two nights prior that he thought Tom would love. When Keira returned several minutes later, she kissed Jaime goodbye and told him, in no nonsense terms to behave for his father and then, with a warm smile, to have fun. 

 She smiled at them. “I’ll see you both Sunday evening.” And with a hand on her case, made her way out the door and into the early afternoon light. 

 Tom turned back towards Jaime, who’d once again spread himself out on the sofa. “Have you had lunch yet?”

 Jaime shook his head. “We had snacks on the train. But I wasn’t hungry then.”

 “Are you hungry now?” Jaime nodded. “Alright.” Tom clapped his hands together. “Let’s get you fed and then we can get the afternoon started.”

 Jaime bounced off the sofa and followed his father as he made his way into the kitchen. Ladened with sandwiches, crisps, and soda (“Just this once,” Tom admonished with a conspiratorial wink), the pair made their way back into the living room. They ate in companionable silence and once finished (and their dishes cleaned and put away), Tom turned and asked Jaime if he wanted to head to the park for a bit. To which the boy readily agreed. 

 Appropriately bundled against the chill, father and son made their way from the house and towards the nearby park. They spent the next hour and a half wandering around before Jaime spotted the nearby playground and excitedly dashed towards it, leaving Tom near panic in his wake. 

 Heart in his throat, Tom caught up with his impatient child and made his disapproval of the boy’s rash action known. “You cannot run off like that, Jaime. It’s not safe and you very nearly scared me to death. You need to stay with me when we are out and let me know when there is something you want to do. You cannot run off. Ever. Have I made myself clear?”

 Lip slightly trembling, Jaime nodded. “I’m sorry.”

 “I know,” Tom breathed, his heart slowing as the panic and adrenaline drained from his system. He smiled softly at Jaime. “Let’s go play for a bit now, alright?”

 Jaime nodded and together they made their way into the fenced in play area. Jaime took great pleasure in climbing the metal climbing tower and then later swinging far higher than Tom was honestly comfortable with, on the nearby swing set. And when Jaime pointed at the open swing beside him, Tom didn’t hesitate to join him. 

 Tom was winded by the time Jaime had had his fill. He’d not swung on a swing set in far too long and he was clearly out of practice. Hand in hand, they lumbered their way back through the park and towards home. 

 A quick shower for Tom and bath for Jaime later, found both back in the living room in their pajamas. Jaime lay on his stomach on the floor, looking through the movies Tom had chosen for the planned movie marathon, his brow furrowed. The expression was so utterly Eliza that it ceased Tom’s heart. He brushed away the painful and fruitless desire the bubbled in him for this to have been a true family night. The three of them; Tom, Jaime, and Eliza preparing for an evening in after a long work week. 

 Tom sighed. That was something they would never have and the knowledge of it burned. But there was nothing he could do about it, no matter how badly he wanted. Clearing his throat, he smiled warmly at his son. “Anything to your liking?”

 Jaime held up a Blu-ray case and smiled. 

 “Excellent choice.” Tom placed the bowl of popcorn on the coffee table and bent to take the case from Jaime. Movie set up, Tom lowered himself onto the floor beside his son, settling into the nest of blankets they’d set up for the evening. He set the volume on the television low enough so he’d be sure to hear the buzz of the gate when the pizzas he ordered arrived. 

 They made it through nearly three films (and one and a half pizza’s between them) before Jaime’s eyes began to droop alarmingly. The boy had curled on his side against Tom, head half buried in the pillow he clinched tightly. Taking advantage of this, Tom gingerly pushed himself to his feet and padded towards the kitchen to put the remaining pizza into the refrigerator. He switched off the television, placing the remotes back onto the coffee table, before bending to pick his sleeping son off the floor. 

 Jaime stirred and buried his head into Tom’s chest at the motion before settling back into a doze. It was a bit perilous trying to navigate his way upstairs with Jaime little more than dead weight in his arms, but somehow he’d managed. Rousing Jaime to clean his teeth was a struggle but once managed, Tom was able to get Jaime into the guest bed and settled back into sleep. He made quick work of cleaning his own teeth and climbing into bed himself. Grabbing the latest potential script he’d been sent from his bedside table, Tom settled back against the pillows behind him and read until his eyes grew heavy and sleep lulled him into her alluring grasp. 

 The sound of his bedroom door creaking open startled Tom out of sleep what felt like only moments later. Soft footsteps echoed on the wooden floor as he pushed himself up, blinking in the darkness. Confusion flooded through him until belatedly understanding dawned. “Jaime?” He asked, his voice gravely with sleep. 

 He heard a soft snuggling as the edge of the bed dipped and his son crawled beside him. “Can’t sleep,” he murmured, burying his face into Tom’s chest. 

 “Bad dream?”

 Tom felt Jaime’s head shake against his chest and waited for his son to add more. When Jaime didn’t speak after several long minutes, Tom simply wrapped his arm around the boy and let him settle quietly against him. 

 He couldn’t say how long they lay there, his son curled tightly against him. The feeling blooming in his chest at the pure and simple trust Jaime has for him was near indescribable. Tom wanted to say something to the boy, offer him words of comfort and of understanding. But everything that came into his head fell woefully short. So he remained silently, gently rubbing his hand up and down Jaime’s small back. 

 Time crawled by in inches as Tom watched Jaime’s breathing slow by degrees until it settled into the quiet, even rhythm of sleep. Once he was sure Jaime was out, he shifted slightly, moving the boy’s small head from his chest and onto the pillow beside him. Tom waited on bated breath as Jaime shifted, his face scrunching, and then relaxed.

 Leaning his own head back against his pillow, Tom stared up at the ceiling. Every once in a while he felt Jaime shift in his sleep and he leant down, kissing his sandy hair. Tomorrow would be full of excitement; a trip to the zoo with Emma and then, if Jaime wasn’t too tired, possibly a movie at the Odeon, but for now Tom was content. He doubted he would ever reach the point where he felt completely at ease in this new role of father, but Tom knew without a doubt he wouldn’t trade any of it for the world. 

[virtual-toast]

Scream Queens VH1 recap - Season 1 Episode 1

Hey what’s up so because I’m bored as hell I’ve decided I’m going to recap the short-lived reality series Scream Queens (not the horror series with Emma Roberts) because it’s absolute top notch reality TV trash. Yes you can still watch the whole thing on YouTube here but I’ve decided to recap it for you in case you’d prefer to read about the trash and drama I guess lol

Anyway Scream Queens was a reality series on VH1 back in 2008-2010 where 10 “up and coming” (generous) actresses would compete for a “breakout role” (also generous) in the next Saw film. They’d do dumb challenges that were vaguely related to acting and of course bitch about each other behind the scenes. Season 1 was judged by Shawnee Smith (post-Saw fame), James Gunn (pre-Guardians of the Galaxy fame), and John Homa (apparently a big-time acting coach??). Season 2 switched out Shawnee Smith for Jaime King and James Gunn for Tim Sullivan. No idea how the show got two seasons but I fucking love it and I’ve watched it countless times over so let’s do a recap!

Here’s your key players, folks.

The first episode opens with all the girls walking in wearing their ~finest~ mid-2000′s fashion and talking about how “omg I should be the next scream queen cuz I’m attractive / talented” etc. Jo-Anne in particular (who is 26 btw) claims she’s “getting old” and that she’s “ready for something to happen”. lol okay girl. They’re introduced to the three judges and whoo boy, Shawnee may be a decent actress but she should not be a host; her droning nasally voice is torture. We’re introduced to a few more girls including Lindsay who was a child star, and had a Nickelodeon show called Caitlin’s Way, but has since lost her way to her anxiety, and it’s just like holy shit I relate to you so hard though. There’s also Lina who thinks she’s top shit because she had one line in an Adam Sandler movie woohoo.

The judges introduce the first challenge and a pseudo-Jason Voorhees literally BUSTS THROUGH THE FUCKING WALL and sends the girls running and screaming, followed by laughing because omg what a funny prank haha. So basically the girls have to take turns begging this guy not to kill them, with the best performance getting a “guaranteed callback” aka. immunity from elimination. Most of the girls do the typical screaming and/or crying schtick. Michelle literally claims she’s pregnant and then screams “KILL ME WHY DONT’CHA” which is a choice. Kylah tries to seduce him and the other girls are torn between “she should be a porn star” and “holy shit I’m aroused”. Lina literally puts on a stereotypical Asian accent and FLOPS AROUND ON THE FLOOR SCREAMING like what the actual fuck. Jessica gets up and does the “you’re not psycho I’M PSYCHO” thing and the girls are (probably rightfully) scared of her.

But then Tanedra gets up and tells us she has ZERO acting experience and then proceeds to KILL. IT. Watch out for Tanedra cuz you know she’s coming for that crown. Obviously she gets the guaranteed callback. Shawnee announces the girls are competing for a role in Saw 6 and they FLIP. THEIR. SHIT. While at the same time you can tell none of them actually like or care about the Saw series and just want to be famous, but whatever get those dollars I guess.

So they head into the house and start drinking champagne, getting to know each other etc. Of course they all end up in their bikinis in the hot tub and start talking about their training. Cue all of the girls COMPLETELY underestimating Tanedra (despite the fact that she already beat all their asses) when she tells them she has no experience.

The next day the girls go to their first class with John Homa. Right off the bat he’s like, “Welcome to your first acting class, we’re gonna need it.” Like, true but also, rude. He gets out a tray of fruit and tells each girl to take a piece and eat it “as seductively as possible”. Cue several girls giving blowjobs to bananas and the rest basically dry humping the floor while they eat this damn fruit. Homa sighs like his instructions were SO CLEAR even though there weren’t any. He explains how he actually wants them to be subtle and seductive rather than outright sexy/slutty and has the girls sit in a chair while eating their fruit and being all cute and seductive. Great. Then he changes it up so the girls have been poisoned halfway through eating. Everyone does pretty well except Jo-Anne who very clearly buckles under the pressure. Back at the house, Sarah straight up tells the others that the class made her horny.

The following day a surprise picnic appears in the house but when the lid is taken off one of the dishes, a bunch of snakes come out because omg what a funny prank haha. There’s a note telling them where to meet Shawnee where she tells them their first “director’s challenge” (main challenge) is an adaptation of the bath scene from James Gunn’s movie Slither, and guess what, they gotta be naked! Or very nearly naked, at least. All of the girls get working on their scripts and discussing whether they’re going to go with nude underwear, pasties, or au naturale. Did you forget about Crazy Jessica? Well she has a FULL ON CRYING MELTDOWN about having to do a nude scene, complete with mocking the other girls just for talking about it. Like seriously this is day 2 and she’s FREAKING OUT. Sarah specifically says in her talking head, “Jessica is fucking psycho.”

They get to the director’s challenge, Sarah goes first and does really well, so the other girls are intimidated from the start. Jo-Anne once again buckles under the pressure, it’s like her spark literally goes away as soon as the cameras start rolling, it’s honestly baffling to watch. Tanedra and Michelle also do really well, although Michelle gets criticised by some of the others for her over acting. Kylah literally sounds like she’s in a cross between a pantomime and a musical and the other girls flat-out laugh at her behind the scenes. Finally it’s Jessica’s turn, and little miss freak out is just like BA-DING HERE ARE MY TITTIES. Like seriously, after all that, she goes buck naked. WTF. Her performance is still meh though.

Back at the house, Michelle is confident she won’t be on the list and that Kylah will be. Tanedra reads the list which “summons” Michelle, Jo-Anne, Kylah, Sarah, and Jessica to the “grand ballroom”. Cue Michelle’s FULL BLOWN TANTRUM because she was SO SURE she wasn’t going to be on the list and “THEY’RE GONNA THROW THIS FUCKING TALENT AWAY??” You seriously can barely hear her dialogue in this part because there is so much swearing getting bleeped out. Aside from this everyone generally agrees that Kylah should go home because she has no acting talent (lol) and that there’s no way Jo-Anne is going because they all love her.

The girls go to the grand ballroom and honestly if looks could kill, all three judges would be dead because Michelle is fucking letting them KNOW she’s pissed hahaha. They pull Michelle and Sarah forward together and tell them they were the top 2 (so much for your tantrum Michelle) with Sarah getting leading lady (winning the main challenge). Jessica gets pulled forward on her own and basically just gets read for being crazy and told to calm down. Kylah and Jo-Anne are last and are the bottom 2; Jo-Anne basically for shutting down and Kylah for just being shit. In a controversial decision, however, Jo-Anne gets the axe while Kylah lives another week.

Stay tuned for Season 1 Episode 2!

[wackygoofball]

Moodboard: Jaime x Brienne - The Host AU

Jaime knows his days are counted when he is brought into one of those white-tiled rooms at the enemy’s HQ.

The Souls be damned.

At least the others escaped, he saw to that when the Souls stopped them on a mission. Tyrion and Davos will have taken Arya, Pod and the rest back to the hideout by now, so at the very least the rebellion can continue without him.

While not surprised, Jaime is still less than pleased to meet Stannis Baratheon, one of those bastards who decided to side with this alien race that invaded Planetos and takes over people’s bodies as they please to assume leadership over the world as they know it. Stannis let a Soul willingly take over, a Soul known as Melisandre, or as the rebellion calls her, “the boss bitch”. While Melisandre leaves him more or less in control over his actions, Stannis is just like them, and that means to Jaime that he has to go like every other bloody Soul.

Though sadly, that will soon include himself, as Stannis informs him. They will make him a Host as well. Jaime fights against the procedure as best as he can – because sure as hell will he go down fighting – but as he finds the Soul they brought in manifest itself inside him, he suddenly hears a none too kindly voice cursing him to stop the folly.

Listen. If you let me in, I will get you out of here, the voice tells him. But of course, Jaime doesn’t buy into that cheap kind of trick.

Because that’s some bullshit, lady.

You must understand this one thing: They will have a Soul inhabit your body no matter what you do. The only choice you can currently make is to let me in or wait for someone who does not ask first. I understand that you have no reason to trust me. And I don’t ask you to. I am asking for a truce.

How would I have a truce with some alien I don’t even know?

The name is Brienne and I am trying to help you – but all of that will be over soon if you don’t do anything. You can’t withstand much longer.

I am strong enough.

Right now you are not. I can ensure that you will remain conscious, just inside your own head, but I have to take over or they will realize the ruse. That’s all I have to offer, but I can promise you that I will bring you back home, even if it kills me.

Well, funny enough that will kill me as well, so I don’t fancy that alternative much.

Jaime, well aware that he is out of alternatives, lets “Brienne” take control, which puts him into the “backseat” of his own mind while Brienne calls the shots, telling a very pleased Melisandre and Stannis that she completed the mission and awaits new instructions.

“I am glad to see that you finally prove to be the god soldier you are supposed to be, Brienne, one who knows her place.”

“Yes, ma’am.”

Though actually, not so much. Brienne stands true to her word and flees from the HQ the first opportunity she gets. And contrary to what Jaime feared, his mind remains alive, as Brienne did not seek full control over his mind and body, even though he will make sure to use any opportunity to be an ass about it.

And so, the long walk back home begins. In the middle of the Dornish desert, the rebellion built an underground haven to live and plan future strikes against the Souls taking over.

Though I still don’t understand why you are helping us.

Haven’t you heard? I am more of a rebel myself.

How comes?

Disagreements with the management.

Just that? Really?

I wasn’t the only one. We rebelled against Melisandre. She betrayed all ideals us Wanderers used to stand for.

Wanderers?

That was what we were before she made us nothing but Souls. We wandered across galaxies and tried to save life as we knew it.

By playing puppet master with people?

By learning what it takes to be human.

Jaime cautions Brienne that she won’t have an easy welcome, granted that they even make it to the desert without being caught – or nature killing them before they reach the hideout. He tells her that they have better chances by not telling the rest of the team that he is still in there but instead inform them that she took a hold of his body and that his consciousness supposedly faded in the process but that she wants to join their side and help them take down the HQ. As things currently stand, Jaime can’t take possession of his own body again, and until he can – which is a big what if – they’d do best not to upset the others any more than they will be anyway.

After all, Souls are not to be trusted.

On the verge of dehydration, the two reach the hideout. Though there is, as expected, no warm welcome, even less so when Arya decides to knock them in the back of the head when she catches the silver circle in Jaime’s eyes, which is a sure sign that a Soul took possession of a Host. Davos tells her to leave him and bring him to the hideout instead. As expected, Brienne is the hideout’s most wanted, and not in a good way.

Arya is perhaps most against them. As Jaime explains to Brienne, the reason why she has even more misgiving for the Souls than most others is that they killed nearly all of her family, safe for her “stupid sister” who joined Stannis for all they know.

As the two try to make a plan for how to go about their new situation, Brienne makes a point that they won’t ever trust her intentions to actually start a revolution amongst her own kind if she doesn’t do anything to prove her loyalty to their cause. Jaime is at a loss, but Brienne eventually comes to the conclusion that Sansa may be the key. She saw Sansa at the HQ and hopes that maybe they can convince her to come back with them. She may have important intel and it would help them to get Arya onboard.

Maybe.

You don’t know how to inspire confidence, you know?

I am just not fond of lying.

Which explains why you are so piss-poor at it.

While the mission proves more than dangerous, they eventually succeed in bringing Sansa Stark back home. And along the way, the two have to realize that they fight much better together than apart, even though it demands of Jaime to adapt his ways of fighting and support rather than lead.

Arya actually starts to trust Brienne thereafter, if cautiously so, even though things are tensed between the sisters even after the reunion. And while those two work through their issues, Jaime demands some hard truths from Brienne at last, as she tends to evade questions about who she truly is and what this is all about. In the end, Brienne has to give in.

We were very much like you. A humanoid race from a faraway planet, trying its best to live our lives.

Wait, you had an actual body before? You weren’t always those white, glowing parasites?!

While I tend to disagree with the description, yes, we weren’t always like that.

Then why did you all decide it was time for a makeover?

Not all of us took on this shape. We were selected few. The Wanderer Program was founded to save our world from extinction. Fewer and fewer children were born in every generation until we reached the breaking point. Our race grew sterile, if you will. And life as we knew it was on the verge of destruction. The Wanderers were meant to travel to faraway galaxies and find species like us, analyze their physiologies and social interactions and find out how they manage to battle global sterility. For such travel, we had to give up our bodies. They couldn’t possibly survive such a long trip across worlds. We wanted to find life again. Or so we thought… because some of us had a different idea. They wanted power. They wanted to exploit life. And they realized that the Wanderer Program, which succeeded to alter DNA in such a way that the soul could transcend the body, were the means of gaining control.

Power is a bitch.

I believed in the program, in what we did. Until I saw what they did to Renly.

Renly Baratheon?

Yes, he was my Host before we two… teamed up involuntarily.

To put it mildly. What of Renly, then?

He was no part of the rebellion, you may know. Yet, he was against Stannis and his practices. Through Renly, I learned more and more about what was behind the program I once joined in an effort to preserve life, not destroy it. Other Souls of the program formed a group, but one of them reported us… and as a result, the Hosts were all brutally murdered while we were still connected.

So you… witnessed Renly’s death as your own.

Yes. He died because of me. And after that, they put me in detention, telling me that I’d only ever get out if I learned my place. Until the day I met you. And that changed everything.

So what’s the goal for you now? Once we take on the HQ? What’s the next step?

Go back home and fix our problems. Pick up with where we left off with our mission. I found such goodness in people. I saw human compassion, friendship, love. And that is what I’d want to take home, even if I failed to find a solution to my race’s plight.

You are definitely the strangest Soul I ever met.

And you are the strangest Host I ever met.

Perhaps a truce is possible after all.

Only time will show.

And while Jaime and Brienne continue to bond, crisis is underway when Brienne learns of Tyrion’s “experiments” to separate Host and Soul, killing both in the process. Brienne is absolutely mortified, as Jaime knew about this, but didn’t ever tell her.

Though they soon have to leave that aside as well as the rebellion’s next strike is moving forward fast. Along the way, they learn some shocking news that may transform the very nature of their mission to a full-fledged rescue mission of a kind no one ever thought would happen as Souls have to fight for Hosts and Hosts for Souls.

Brienne and Tyrion form a fragile peace, though she leaves Tyrion with a baffling message before she heads out:

“I can help you complete your research, but only to my conditions. Once it’s all done.”

Though only time will show if she can reveal that information to him and if, indeed, the soul can transcend the body.

Or rather, if love can.

[vicleesi]

About GoT Episode 4:

First of all, I’m completely exhausted from turning a blind eye to the multiple flaws in the D & D scripts (and it was they who wrote this episode). The strength of Game of Thrones came right from the details thanks to the incredible world that George R. R. Martin created and D & D destroyed. So no, I will not spare you them.

- The beginning was good. I just do not understand why Jon made his speech without looking at the survivors of Winterfell.

- The party dinner was generally good. In these last seasons, Game of Thrones has managed to maintain a good quality in the interaction between characthers. Episode 2 was basically all that and it was good for me. The problem is when GoT starts off for the story  - which is already lost.

- Daenerys’s loneliness was well portrayed. Too bad the series prematurely killed Selmy Barristan, did not it?

- First failure of attention to detail that detracts from the series’ worldbuilding: Gendry Rivers, what? Is he from the Riverlands, by any chance? Bastard born and raised in King’s Landing is named after Waters. His name was Gendry Waters (actually it was just Gendry, since Robert never recognized him as his bastard son). Why change that, D & D? To be different?

- I wish Gendry good luck trying to persuade the Storm lords to bend over to a bastard who does not understand a thing about ruling a castle. But of course the series will not talk about that. At least they did not give Storm’s to Brienne or to Davos (by the way, when the Davos family will show up?)

- Leaving a bit out of order, but taking advantage of feudal politics, what’s going on in Dorne?” D & D mentioned a new Prince of Dorne who swore loyalty to Daenerys. Hi? What? When? Who? WHY??? D & D had the brilliant idea of ​​making the Martells exterminate each other and still reap the rewards of their genius. Dorne remains the worst arc in the series and quite possibly one of the worst book-media visual adaptations ever.

- They also mentioned Riverrun again. What happened to the Riverlands after the Freys all died? Where is Edmure Tully? Who controls Riverrun?

- Writers creating a whole scene by saying that Brienne is a virgin. Not necessary.

- There was not a crippled nephew of Daeron Targaryen. D & D creating Targaryens whenever they want, although there is a well-defined story in the books. (FIRE AND BLOOD)

- There was finally a scene between Sandor and Sansa. It only took 4 episodes to happen. Once again they put Sansa as the product of her suffering, justifying the idiot choices D & D made for her character. Nothing new, otherwise it was a totally forgettable dialogue (I already forgot).

- The Bronn Paradox: If Bronn is not serving Daenerys while the war is rolling, who guarantees that he will receive his castle in the end? Especially considering he was utterly disillusioned with the promises of the Lannisters to the point of being ready to kill his two best friends? In fact, did D & D forget that Jaime himself had offered Highgarden to the Bronn last season?

- Again, as for Gendry, I wish Bronn good luck in trying to establish his feudal dominion over the proud lords of Highgarden who did not even tolerate the right Tyrells, and the Tyrells were an old family and had already been entrenched in there for centuries. Of course, D & D do not care.

- The Paradox of the Wildlings: Why were they known as wildlings? Because they tried to conquer the Wall from time to time and were always looting the North in search of resources and riches. Because their land was a shit, where nothing grew and it was always winter, basically. Now the they finally made it through the Wall and gain access to the best lands, even more with the support of the Winterfell and Starks. What do they do? That’s right: they go back to their shit place because D & D have that same shit on their heads.

- What else is north of Winterfell and south of the Wall are lands with no one, thanks to the King of the Night.“ But the wildlings choose to go back to Castle Black and, by all means, beyond the Wall. Seven Hells.

- I will not even comment on Jon’s scene sending Ghost away.” If it was for him to appear that way, it was better for the wolf to have been m.i.a as before.

- Sam Tarly is a Night’s Watch man. Men of Night’s Watch should not have children. When will anyone say that? Did not Jon even mention it? What happened to Night’s Watch? Why is Sam still dressed in black? If he’s out, why did not he become Lord Tarly?

- The arc of Night’s Watch is going to be without conclusion anyway? Are they gone?

- The army of the living has lost only half its men? It was not what it looked like in episode 3. But okay, D & D create and describe armies whenever they think it’s valid - just like Night’s Watch, apparently.

- As they are doing this season, D & D cut important dialogue scenes because they do not know what to write. In the first episode they cut off Daenerys before she finished threatening Sansa. In the second episode they cut their scene together before Dany could answer the question “What about the North?”. At the end of it cut the scene Jon x Dany in the crypts. Now they cut the scene of Sansa and Arya discovering that Jon is not their brother. Why, man? What is the reason? I’m shocked that D & D did not cut Jon’s reaction to finding out that he’s a bastard of Rhaegar and Lyanna (yes, he’s a bastard, D & D, no matter how many fanfics they write).

- Arya in the first moment: we are a family! Arya in 2nd moment: left King’s Landing, goodbye Winterfell, until never again! and yes she left for good, she said she ain’t coming back!

That was the good part of the episode. Let’s go to the bad part!!

- So you want to tell me that Euron can hit three harpoons in a dragon in mid-flight?“

- So you want to tell me that Daenerys from the sky was unable to see the Greyjoy fleet hidden behind an islet?”

- So you want to tell me that Daenerys never considered the possibility that it was a bad idea to sail to Dragonstone as they knew Euron controlled the seas there?“

- So you want to tell me that Rhaegal was not killed by the zombie dragon brother in the apocalyptic Battle of the long night fighting for the fate of the men’s kingdom only to die in the next episode in a few seconds for Euron Greyjoy’s magical harpoons?

-So you want to tell me how easy it is to kill dragons like that?” It amazes me that Aegon conquered Westeros three hundred years ago.

- Daenerys should have flown directly to King’s Landing and fired at everything after the Rhaegal’s death. Fire and Blood!!

- Jaime returning to Cersei: hi? What the fuck? If it is to join her and not kill her right away, Jaime will be the greatest example of character assassination that D & D has committed since Stannis Baratheon.

- How did Team Dany know that Missandei had been captured? Euron made propaganda, sent in the email?

- Is Varys loyal to Jon Snow? REALLY? What does Varys know about Jon Snow? When did he meet Jon Snow? When did they share at least one scene together? They never talked. Varys never saw him rule. Where do the writers get these crazy ideas?

- Nonsense to be creating intrigue over the marriage between Jon and Daenerys. She will need to get married to have children and continue the dynasty. Who is she getting married to, Hot Pie?

- By the way, there have been marriages between uncles and nieces among the Starks. Brothers Jonnel and Edric Stark married their nieces Serena and Sansa Stark some 150 years ago to try to end a crisis of succession, since their father, Rickon, heir to Winterfell, had been killed in the conquest of Dorne. It would not surprise me if GRRM specifically placed these marriages in history just for this situation that was raised in the conversation between Tyrion and Varys. In fact, marriages between uncles and nieces were not exactly uncommon in our own history. In Brasil, Dom Pedro I was grandson of D. Maria I of Portugal, who was married to his uncle, D. Pedro III, precisely to avoid a dynastic crisis.

- Again the bullshit that Robert’s Rebellion was built on a lie. I imagine the Crazy King burning the Lord of Winterfell and his heir and begging for Ned and Robert’s head did not influence that at all.

- Dany is an emotional woman who’s going crazy. So we need a rational man to help her.

- Dany is an emotional woman who’s going crazy. So we need a rational man to help her!!

- Oh, excuse me if I repeated myself, but this nonsense does not go down. They disrespected Daenerys, disrespected her journey, disrespected even the “girl power” they tried to do last season (Dany, Olenna Tyrell, Cersei and the Martells). The mysoginism of these so-called D & D appearing once more to claim another innocent victim.

- Why did Cersei not kill Tyrion?

- Why did Cersei not kill Daenerys?

- Euron does not suspect anything after Tyrion reveals he knew Cersei was pregnant?“ Since Euron himelf knew only minutes ago?

- D & D really put an end to the apocalypse so we can have Cersei grinning in the last three episodes? Is this serious?

- Euron is Cersei’s puppy. Euron in the series is another completely character , they should have changed his name in the adaptation as they did with the Asha (Yara).

- No turning back with the Night King. D & D make us muggles.

- Finally: where’s the winter ??? It seems King’s Landing is in the tropics.

- Cancel this and the next two episodes. Let GoT finish in episode 3, at least so we would have something minimally satisfying. D & D continue to insult the viewer’s intelligence.

"At least the show’s songs never fails to please.”

*this analysis is not mine I translated from a brazilian friend

[kallypsowrites]

I know we talk a lot about stuff the show screwed up from the book and like, I get it, stuff was bound to get lost in translation in any adaptation. But I wanna talk about a few of my favorite show-only scenes:

1. Cersei and Robert’s conversation in season 1

In this scene we have two non POV characters discussing the state of the kingdom and their marriage. We never get a perspective from Robert in the books and nothing from Cersei until book four. At this point in the books, Cersei is a pretty unsympathetic character. We know her relationship with Robert is pretty bad, of course, but it’s filtered through Ned’s perspective.

Here, Cersei and Robert have a rare moment of truce and we get some of the best dialogue in the series. They’re not fighting. They are...resigned. Cersei puts away her hatred of the Starks to admit that Ned is a good choice for hand and she recognizes that Robert shouldn’t have dismissed him. She asks about Lyanna, something she has avoided for a very long time out of spite, because “what harm can her ghost do to us?” Robert admits that he doesn’t even remember what she looks like, which reveals that his “love” for her was probably just infatuation.

And then my favorite set of lines--

Cersei: Was there ever a chance for us, ever a moment?

Robert: No...does that make you feel better or worse?

Cersei: It doesn’t make me feel anything.

Here, two broken people confront the mess of their lives and wonder if they ever had a chance to have something good. But they didn’t, because Robert has always been his stubborn, prideful self and Cersei is just as proud and stubborn. And Cersei is resigned to it. If it made her feel something once, now that feeling is numbed.

When I first saw this scene, a scene between two characters I didn’t particularly like, I was struck by the humanness of it. Humanness we did not get at this point in the books. And it informed how I saw her afterwards. For every terrible thing she did, I wanted to know more about her.

2. Tywin and Jaime

Our first introduction to Tywin in the books is Tyrion. Understandably, Tyrion and Tywin have a complicated relationship and Tywin is always much more of a dick whenever Tyrion is around. In the show on the other hand? We first see Tywin interacting with Jaime.

Now, don’t get me wrong, Tywin is still an asshole in this scene too. It is an inherent part of his character. But it is one of the most powerful character introductions for him, and one of the first humanizing moments for Jaime.

Tywin is skinning a stag in some wonderful foreshadowing of Robert’s death in that same episode. When Jaime tries his usual quips, which we have seen work well on others, Tywin shuts him down because he sees through them. Jaime is weaker here in the presence of his father because even if he can appear unbothered to the rest of the world. And we see how many expectations Tywin puts on Jaime which he does not want, because he is supposed to be the “golden son”.

More than anything, this is Tywin’s grand entrance. For all of the damage we’ve seen in the three Lannister kids, this is the motherfucker they got it from. So many of these kids insecurities and faults trace back to Tywin being a shit dad with the emotional availability of rock. You see this scene and you’re like...ah...yep...this makes sense. And of course, we see how differently Tywin treats Jaime (someone he has high expectations for) vs how he treats Tyrion (someone he has no expectations for).

3. Robert, Barristan and Jaime

I’m sorry but there’s more than one Jaime scene on this list. Obviously like him. But his season one scenes are great on rewatch partially because of what we learn about him in season three.

So in this scene, Jaime, Barristan and Robert tell war stories, mostly on the drunken king’s request. We see that Jaime is not at all fond of Robert but also some of his admiration for Barristan Selmy as he compliments his battle techniques. He starts to let down his walls a bit during this conversation because its talking about what he’s good at: fighting.

Then Robert asks about his killing the mad king and Jaime’s wall shoots right back up.

Robert: What did the mad king say when you stabbed him in the back?

Jaime: He said the same thing he’d been saying for hours...burn them all.

We don’t know the context of this last line but when you rewatch the scene you can see what Jaime is thinking. That he killed the Mad King and saved king’s Landing, but he has only ever been scorned for it. He’s very bitter. And his bitterness shows in the next scene (which I promise is the last Jaime scene)

4. Jaime and Jory

Jaime has a brief conversation with Jory, who tries to deliever one of Ned’s messages to Robert while he’s whoring. We see how Robert makes Jaime mind the door while he’s insulting Cersei with as many women as possible. But despite the Stark and Lannister animosity, Jory tries to make conversation about when they met during the Greyjoy rebellion. Jaime’s wall starts to drop again because talking about fighting is the one thing that makes him comfortable (which is why losing his hand so shatters his identity later). It seems the two men have come to some sort of understanding.

Then Jory brings up Ned and back comes the bitterness! Jaime resents Ned so much for judging him on that day for killing the Mad King and that bitterness all comes to a head later during the street fight. Again, we don’t know why he’s so bitter yet, but it all comes across so well in this scene.

5. Sansa and Shae

Sansa and Shae have many scenes together  and I really like their friendship. The show goes a long way to develop Shae more than George ever did (only to kill her in the same way but...we can’t all get what we want). Her more genuine relationship with Tyrion is okay, but it sours for me with the season four result. But it’s her genuine friendship with Sansa that I love. 

Shae becomes protective. She gives her advice. At first Sansa snaps at her because she doesn’t trust her and she is still traumatized but eventually the two become very close. I like so many of their conversations, especially in season two and three. And Shae never blames Sansa for any part of her marriage with Tyrion which thank CHRIST for that.

6. Arya and Tywin

Anyone who has talked to me for two seconds knows how obsessed I am with these scenes. Because they are...basically the only humanizing scenes that Tywin gets at all. The very smallest bit of vulnerability. I think it really shows how much of a people person Arya is, sort of without even trying. And she really holds her own with one of the most powerful men in Westeros. She’s smart and capable and she manages to slip under Tywin’s nose even though he could have used her as a valuable hostage if he figured her out. He was starting to catch onto her toward the end, but fortunately did not. Good scenes. Love them. Very good.

7. Catelyn and Tailisa

In season three, Catleyn tells Tailisa about the time she made a wreath for Jon Snow. Now I’m a very team Catelyn sort of person. I don’t think she abused Jon so much as she just ignored him. But I think this scene is very telling. Because despite Jon not being her son and also being a potential threat to her own son as bastards often were, despite Ned’s betrayal still being fresh, Catelyn fought to keep this child alive. She prayed for him and he lived. And yes, she didn’t treat him as a son afterwards because it was still a very complicated situation. But I think this goes a long way to show that Catelyn is not the evil, Jon abusing woman that a lot of people paint her as.

8. Ramsay’s new introduction

Ramsay has a great intro in the books, but his intro in the show genuinely caught me by surprise. He seems to be completely helpful to Theon and listens to him talk about his regret. He kills the people who are after him and he seems very genuine. But then, it’s all a ruse. This scene so perfectly illustrates how Ramsay uses mind games to toy with people. I thought the number of torture scenes in season three was excessive, but this one I thought was a GREAT intro to Ramsay.

9. Arya and Lady Craine

A lot of Arya’s Bravos stuff in the show is very meh. But I love her stuff with Lady Craine because it shows that Arya is not the ‘emotionless killing machine’ that the show sometimes tries to portray her as. Arya does not kill Lady Craine because she can see that she is innocent and she does not want to kill people who haven’t earned it. Later on, her kindness drives Lady Craine to help her and they share a scene in the woman’s house. It’s really sweet and it’s nice to see Arya smile again. Beneath it all, she’s still a child and a traumatized one a that. One who lost her mother and father in a brutal way. And lady Craine gives her just a bit of maternal energy again, before dying horribly because Arya’s life is a nightmare. Still, liked this character.

10. Varys and Littlefinger sass offs

Gotta love some Varys and Littlefinger and I do love how they dance around each other all throughout seasons 1-3. They’re the kind of enemies who respect each other but still want to see the other choke. And it also because clear that while one of them is a more neutral figure who doesn’t covet the throne, the other is driving toward it with his ladder of chaos. We got a great sense of both of them in these scenes and it was great.

Look, the show has some messy parts and even some straight up bad ones (thanks Dorne arc). But it also did a lot right and even some show original scenes are worth quite a lot in my mind.

[jaimetheexplorer]

I thought I was the Warrior, and Game of Thrones was ASOIAF, but it was just the Stranger

Latest post in the “koops works through the stages of Jaime-Lannister-character-assassination-induced grief” series. I’m sorry I keep spamming the blog with these, but it’s helping me put my thoughts in order and move on, and maybe they can be useful to others too. 

This is where I’m at right now. Maybe I’ll come back tomorrow or next week and see it differently, but... here it goes. 

Long analysis ahead!

I know some people right now are a bit/very upset at Nikolaj for seemingly supporting D&D’s assassination of Jaime’s arc, after he advocated against twincest and pushed in favour of adapting Jaime’s book arc and his relationship with Brienne for many years. To see him describe the ending as a perfect conclusion to Jaime’s arc, seems very jarring. And I was equally thrown off and confused for a while.

But I think what I have come to realize from rewatching his interviews (especially the ones where Gwen is sitting next to him - because she knows him, and knows how he truly felt about it; her reactions to his answers say a lot about that) is that Nikolaj has simply made peace with/resigned himself to D&D’s (incoherent, depressing and uninspiring) idea of Jaime. The version he doesn’t like, the version he would not have written himself, the version he complained about for years, but the version they might have had in their head all along: the one that served their twincest fanfic best. 

I was a show-first fan, but I was always aware that the show had issues with adapting the books (as per GRRM’s own admission of “traumatic” creative differences where D&D pushed for changes more than for adaptation) and that many books fans hated it for that. But I was willing to give them the benefit of the doubt because I thought they would eventually veer towards the direction the books had taken, and all that seeding and build up would find its payoff and provide closure (even if not as satisfyingly as the books). The S6 finale remains one of my favorite episodes ever. Like Nikolaj, I expected S7 to start with Cersei having to face the consequences of that act and Jaime and Cersei’s rift finally being adapted. Like Nikolaj, I was shocked when the leaks came out showing that, instead, Jaime would stick with Cersei and get her pregnant again. Like Nikolaj, I tried to rationalize that storyline because, in the end, we knew Jaime did leave Cersei “without looking back”.  It seemed like S7 might be just more of the usual adaptation problem the show always had but, FINALLY we would get Jaime’s identity arc adapted in the end. Like Nikolaj, I went into S8 full of hopes, which were all met beyond even my wildest expectations, in the first 3 and 1/2 episodes. And then... the shocking, cruel and nihilistic rug-pull in the second half of episode 4 blindsided me completely. This season felt like a sadistic lover who builds their partner up towards climax, lulling them into a euphoric sense of security and vulnerability, only to suddenly knife them in the stomach repeatedly at the end and tossing them out in the street, naked, to bleed to death.

Now, is Jaime’s ending satisfying, especially after so many years? No. Is Jaime’s ending earned and not tacked together in a rush? No. Is Jaime’s ending one that feels true to his character in the books? Definitely not. Does it feel like a lot of foreshadowing and seeding was all for nothing in the end? Absolutely. 

But I see where Nikolaj is coming from, once I think about all those adaptation choices that were the total opposite of the books, and��that I did not give much weight to because surely they will converge to his book material eventually, and surely ALL this seeding isn’t for nothing, and surely they won’t have characters end up where they started after so much work, and surely they would never do something so horrible to Brienne and her arc. Boy, was I wrong. 

6x08 contained the highly questionable adaptation of the dialogue between Edmure and Jaime at the siege of Riverrun. The show decided to make Jaime’s entire speech to Edmure be about Cersei, when, in the original version, the Riverrun siege is very much a matter of honour for Jaime. Jaime wants to avoid, in any way possible, to raise arms against the Starks and the Tullys because he swore an oath to Catelyn Stark that he never would. We thought show!Jaime was using his reputation to manipulate Edmure and bluffing, because that’s what he does in the books (”don’t make me say the words”). We thought he was bluffing, because Brienne was in that castle and they wrote in an entire scene to basically show us Jaime did not want to fight her (I guess they “kind of forgot” about that - the first symptoms of memory loss). Turns out, it truly was all about Cersei for them so that they could use it to justify Jaime’s self-destruction in the end.

Go back just two episodes (6x06) and you have another huge change to the backstory of Jaime’s mission in the Riverlands. In the books, Jaime argues with Cersei against going to the Riverlands because, again, he does not want to fight against the Starks and the Tullys given the oath to Cat. In the books, the Walk of Atonement happens *after* Jaime has already left for the Riverlands, and, as of the books, she’s currently awaiting her trial. That is when Cersei sends the infamous letter begging him to come fight for her (or die for/with her), which Jaime burns, leaving her to her fate, “effectively estranging” them. That is when Cersei is in clear denial about Jaime abandoning her in her time of need to disappear with Brienne instead. In the show, it’s the complete opposite: Jaime is begging Cersei to let him stay and fight for her because she needs him, while she tries to send him away. And in 8x04, Jaime abandons Brienne to go back to Cersei in her time of need. 

The show has taken every single thing Jaime does for honour and/or Brienne in AFFC/ADWD and made it about Cersei.

The entire Dorne storyline, a show-only horror, was about romanticizing incest, the tragedy of it all, and how misunderstood JC were in Westerosi culture, from Ellaria’s comments to Myrcella’s lines as she dies in Jaime’s arms about, essentially, happily accepting being a product of incest. 

The White Sword Tower scene at the end of S4, which in the books shows that Jaime, in order to maintain the sacredness of the place, rejects Cersei’s attempts to manipulate him with sex in order to get him to help her with her plans, is turned into yet another example of romanticizing incest in the show, with Cersei “choosing” Jaime and them desecrating the honour of the WST by having sex. Later, Jaime never finds out about Lancel and the show omits all the other instances of infidelity on Cersei’s part, thus removing yet another element that could cause a rift between the twins.

And these are just the major, glaring changes/omissions, without adding changes/omissions like Cersei’s revulsion towards Jaime’s stump, her physical and psychological abuse of him with slaps and throwing wine cups at him and insulting his courage and intelligence, her abuse of Tommen, and so on. It all boils down to either reducing the rifts between the twins to a minimum, or making even Jaime’s honourable deeds to be about Cersei.

But I kept the believing, despite all these unfaithful adaptations, that SURELY they would eventually default to the books’ arc, also because they put an awful lot of effort in JB foreshadowing in every season for it not to pay off big time. 

Well, turns out I was misguided. 

We know for certain that the conclusion to the war against the WWs will not be the same in the books: the books has no Night King (and IIRC, they never will) and far more complex lore surrounding the Others and the WWs. Arya dealing that final blow is something D&D deliberately chose to do three years ago because Jon “was too obvious”, and they retrofitted Melisandre’s line to be about the NK when it clearly was not intended that way. So, if they were willing to alter the lore and the foreshadowing of such a huge plot point, which millions of viewers, no matter whose characters they favoured, had been waiting on for decades, and for a storyline that underpins at least half of the backbone of the books, it was probably naive to think that they would concern themselves with being true to book!Jaime’s identity arc and his love life, a relatively inconsequential story by comparison.

And so I can see what Nikolaj is saying when he talks about the way “D&D *chose* to adapt the story after the books” (look at Nik’s words very carefully in interviews, and how he always talks about D&D’s adaptation choices, and never about GRRM’s ending). D&D made Cersei into a far bigger character than the books ever intended her to be (GRRM didn’t even know if he wanted to give her a POV, because he didn’t think it’d add much to the story) and chose to reduce Jaime to Cersei’s accessory. D&D seem to have never truly moved on from S1 (or maybe even pilot) Jaime, while GRRM wanted to explore identity and redemption with him without making a judgement. D&D deliberately changed crucial Jaime plot points to make them all about Cersei, rather than honour. The over-emphasis on “the things I do for love” is a show-only obsession, when that’s just a very small part of who Jaime is in the books. We all thought/hoped this could still work out to adapt Jaime in the show, because the emphasis would be on the fact that the object of that “love” would change and Jaime would redirect “the things he does” towards a healthier, purer, good kind of love (i.e. Brienne) that inspires him to be honourable. And, maybe, in part, they did. But D&D probably never had any serious intentions to let Jaime break away from Cersei for good and so this ending “makes sense” for them. And I think Nikolaj has come to reluctantly accept this.

That of course doesn’t change the fact that the writing in the last 1.5 episodes was the most horrible, nihilistic, cruel, unnecessary and unearned (especially in the last 1.5 episodes). It doesn’t change the fact that, if D&D don’t seem to see Jaime as anything more than an addict, they don’t even register Brienne and her feelings on their radar. It doesn’t change the fact that they spent so much time and money building up an expectation that Jaime and Brienne were heading somewhere meaningful, only for it to amount to an assassination of their dynamic in the space of half an hour. It doesn’t remove the suspicion that there might have even been a change of plans (possibly out of spite, possibly for shock value, possibly at the last minute) to switch to a failed redemption, rather than a successful one. But I think it does explain where Nikolaj is coming from and I think, perhaps, it’s the healthiest course of action at this point, because there’s nothing we can do to change it (and the fact that so many casual viewers feel just as disappointed is comforting too).

In a sense, for Jaime fans (and Brienne fans, and JB fans by extension), Game of Thrones has been our abusive partner. The TV series is Cersei and we are Jaime. We spent years of our lives hanging on, trying to find positives amongst a lot of negatives, because it kept dangling in front of us the seeding of a Jaime and a JB dynamic that we recognized from the books and seemed to be building up for the future. I think that’s our biggest disappointment, in the end. Jaime in the show was never meant to be as deep and complex as Jaime is in the books. But we hoped he would have a similar trajectory in the end, to give us closure at least. And he didn’t. 

These last episodes were our “I thought I was the Warrior, and she was the Maid, but it turns out she was just the Stranger” moment. 

And I think this is our time to put it in the fire. 

[byacatalepsy-archive]

( aron piper, 19, he/him ) welcome to san francisco, james “jaime” kaplan. rumor has it they are a witch/reaper, but only they could tell you the truth! when i close my eyes, i think of them and imagine smoke on a rainy window, graveyards at night, a cool breeze in summer.

y’all ever seen oliver twist? yeah, this is kinda that. except some supernatural bullshit is thrown into the mix bc why not have everything suck even more ???

tw for child neglect, begging, exploitation, drugs, alcohol, sex, suicide

BACKGROUND

so jaime was born in seattle, as, simply put, an accident. his dad YEETED and he was raised by a mother who didn’t want him and only kept him around for the allowance money and for the various tasks she would send him to do (cleaning, groceries, etc.)

when he was 8 years old, mommy got a boyfriend and said boyfriend was very mad at his existence ( bc what ??? kids require money to raise ??? and he wanted to use that money for drugs and other great stuff ??? ). so, one weekend, mommy sent jaime to his grandpa’s ( the only other relative and also someone who gave a shit abt him ) and when he came back, he found the house...... empty. bitch just took off with her bf and left her son to the void.

he lived with grandpa for a couple of years, not knowing that the dude was poor af and had to stop buying meds in order to give jaime what he needed. unsurprisingly, the illness caught up to him and ol’ grandpa had a heart attack and died. rip.

now 10 years old, jaime decided he didn’t want to go to an orphanage ( he heard stories, he knew what these places were like ) so he decided handle his own, in the big city streets. obviously, he had to resort to some things to survive: begging, stealing, even making use of the empathy of people who were impressed by a sad, little orphan.

one day, he was noticed by a wrong crowd. some folks who rounded up kids and sent them to beg for profit. they thought “aw this kid’s cute let’s snatch him up” and so they did. for the next few years, jaime lived his life being passed around like a hot potato, ending up in the hands of various people finding various ways to benefit off poor, homeless kids ( fortunately for him, he narrowly escaped the...... hardcore ones that sent kids for...... ahem truly fucked up stuff ).

finally, when he was 15, he ended up trying to pick pocket some dude using his magic. he must’ve been 12 when he discovered he can do cool things, deciding to use them to aid him in his life of petty crimes. it just so happened said dude was part of a network bigger than he’d ever known. he scooped jaime up and brought him to the man simply known as spades, the head of something similar to a supernatural mafia. a network of ( mostly ) humans seeking to survive in this world by getting leverage on everyone and knowing everything about everything. spades thought this crafty witch kid fit in just right.

in exchange, jaime was given a roof over his head again. a proper one. he was given his own money and he was allowed to get back to school. all he had to do was carry out the mob’s tasks, which usually involve being the middle man between them and other various people. sometimes he has to steal things or grant magical favors to allies. sometimes he even has to enact revenge on the mob’s behalf. 

he ended up in san francisco around a year ago, when he also started attending the salvatore school, after an arrangement made by spades ( he does want his witch lackey to tone his skills ). he was also tasked with finding out what’s going on in he city and with possibly bringing more witches into the fold.

OTHER STUFF

so, needless to say, jaime is very crafty, sneaky, and clever. he might’ve missed some school years, but he managed to catch up pretty quickly ( he’s a very fast learner and adapts to every situation he’s in ). he’s also observant and intuitive and has fantastic gut instinct. that being said, he’s particularly closed off and distrustful. and pessimistic. can you blame him? some might even say he has nihilistic tendencies, being convinced he’s just floating about, trying to survive until death, with no real purpose to his ( or anyone’s ) existence.

because of that, he doesn’t truly have a moral compass. he just goes by what feels right or wrong in that moment. 

he has a greatly developed aesthetic eye and tends to have a pretty complex and artsy perspective on everything.

yeah, he struggles with depression. has been for a while now. it’s not diagnosed because no one gave a shit enough to send him to therapy. but it’s pretty bad, while also allowing him to be somewhat functioning. 

MEMES !! he loves memes. whatta guy. this one didn’t age well

flaming bi mess

UPDATE

important thing that was not mentioned in the og intro: the gangbangers. the endearing name for the group of morally bankrupt friends he’s basically always with. they go ( or went ) to school together and basically brought out the worst of each other given they engage in just about ...... anything ( yes, drug orgies included ).

his father is death. yes, literal death. he’s not the first one in existence, just the only one still around of this kind. the background is that death sometimes fucked around, quite literally, and stuff happened. it’s not really the death from supernatural bc they have so many shapes, forms, and incarnations, but conceptually, it’s still death.

as a result, jaime is kind of a witch/reaper hybrid. he doesn’t have any reaper abilities. the only ‘bonus’ perk he got was that his dna is kind of wonky when it comes to dying and he kind of can’t die. he’s a loophole of life and death. or, rather, he can’t die yet. nothing is truly immortal. and he can still die of old age.

he’s just recently found out this Fascinating truth, so he’s the ben affleck meme.

he also kind of hit it up with the reaper who’s been always cleaning up the dead around him ( blows kiss to alistair lennox ). he kinda hated the guy at first, but now they’re highkey in love with each other sans the fact that fact has yet to come out :clownemoji: at least they had a nice trip to barcelona ahahaha

he also might have feelings for his best friend ( blows kiss to adan garza too ) which started to bloom when he kinda accidentally took a bullet for adan’s stupid ass, came back from ‘the dead’ to find adan with his humanity shut off, then literally offed himself to bring it back. it worked, they shared a moment, now it’s a gay crisis

[heavyshoegaze-blog]

The stan wars will never end

Yup. Even after S8E6, after we know the ending of Game of Thrones and roughly the ending of A Song of Ice and Fire, we’ll still be bickering and complaining and being altogether too nasty towards each other over the love lives of fictional characters. 

“Now, HeavyShoegaze, you dashing-yet-bewilderingly-named Adonis”, you might say, “the story’s gonna end. Either Jon Snow is going to marry his sister/cousin or his aunt! One side is going to win and the other side is going to be relegated into the trash heap of not-canon crackiness!”

Oh, you sweet summer child.

Here’s my prediction: No, Daenerys Targaryen is not going mad. If she was, she would have burned King’s Landing and Cersei. If she was, she wouldn’t have lost her dragon to save Jon Snow (As much as I love Jon, literally no one in the North is anywhere near as important to Daenerys as her son, a literal dragon. Dany took the L to save Jon, no bones about it). And no, Jon isn’t playing Daenerys. He genuinely believes in her cause, having seen her at her best, selflessly putting the well-being of her people ahead of her personal desires.

The truth-bomb of RLJ gets dropped by Sam after Jon takes Dany’s side in the deaths of Randyll and Dickon. Sam will be upset and want Jon to take the Throne from Dany, and in doing so will spill the beans without realizing just how big of a deal it is for Jon. Cue Jon being horribly depressed, taking the revelation in the worst possible way. He and Dany will be estranged by the news as Jon struggles to decide who he is if everything he knew about himself, even his own damn name, is a lie. Eventually, he and Dany reconcile over the fact that she’s miraculously pregnant, and they get married. Jon would want to give a child of his the home life he never had, after all. 

There will be tension and friction as multiple people with grievances and family histories struggle to work together. Winterfell will fall, forcing the survivors to accept that being petty assholes has consequences during the apocalypse! Jon, Dany, and Sansa lead their people South, having to now deal with Cersei and her Golden Company in addition to the White Walkers. Shenanigans happen and the Golden Company switches sides, since “Some contracts are writ in ink, and others in blood”. Blackfyres or Targaryens, the Golden Company is a brotherhood of exiles, founded by a faction of House Targaryen that lost a civil war. Like Dany. So they switch sides. They fight for the living. Cersei tries to blow up King’s Landing but Jaime kills her.

Ultimately, the final battle against the Night King will be fought, Jon and Dany sacrifice themselves in order to defeat him for good, and Sansa rules for their kid. House Stark and House Targaryen are united and live on through this new song of Ice and Fire, and a war-ravaged Westeros looks towards the future, towards Spring, with hope.

And that’s how Game of Thrones ends. Bittersweetly, I think. Jon and Daenerys have this beautiful, star-crossed romance, but they have to sacrifice not just their lives but their chance of experiencing the future they’re fighting for. They go out together, as the greatest heroes Westeros ever sees, but they don’t get to know their kid. It’s tragic, but it also feels like an ending they deserve. Yeah, their arcs as leaders are brilliant and you could make the case that without an endgame where they apply those hard-learnt leadership lessons what’s the point (and seriously, read Jon’s arc in A Dance With Dragons and tell me it’s not all about leading, learning, failing, and doing better. Like, if Martin wanted to write how Aragorn learned to rule “wisely and well”, that’s how he’d do it), but even still. I think that this would feel bittersweet without being either too sappy or too depressing. I’ll cry, but I’ll also be happy.

As for Sansa, I think her ruling as regent bookends her story nicely. The beginning of the series sees her dreaming of being Queen, marrying a beautiful Prince and having beautiful children. In the end, she becomes the leader. She doesn’t marry, she doesn’t have kids, but she’s the one calling the shots and guiding Westeros through this new Dawn. I have a lot of problems with the way the show handled Sansa’s arc and the way that they changed her characterization, but I feel that both in the books and in the show this is where her story is building. Again, it’s bittersweet. On one hand, Sansa becomes the ruler of Westeros! Woohoo! On the other hand, that’s the last thing she wants. It means she’ll never see Winterfell again, that she has to stay in the Capitol and rule instead of returning to her idyllic family home. That she can never reclaim that lost innocence ever again. It’s like the Scouring of the Shire, which Martin is hugely influenced by. The Hobbits have to accept that they can’t just return to their ways before the events of Lord of the Rings. Similarly, Sansa gets this bittersweet ending.

(Also, she might be a little sad that her brother is dead. Just a little. At least, I hope. Maybe she won’t give a damn.)

But most importantly, this is an ending that gives everybody something without satisfying anyone. I don’t think that pleasing everyone should be a storytelling goal, but if you wanted to ensure that the community literally never stops fighting pointlessly between Sansa and Dany, this would be how you’d do it. Jonerys stans are going to say “ha! see?! Daenerys and Jon were OTP, the Song of Ice and Fire who fell in love, had sex, saved the world, and left Westeros in capable hands. Their kid is gonna rule the Seven Kingdoms, and the future is bright... because of them. Hahaha. You wish you stanned the Mother of Dragons. #CANON-SHIP, boiiiiiiiiiiiiii!!!” Meanwhile, Jonsa stans will turn around and say “No, Sansa is obviously the most important one. She won the Game of Thrones! Dosido and that whore Jon Snow died like scum and now Sansa is in charge! And she lost nothing! She’s totally happy, no tragedy here! If only Jon was smart and picked Sansa, then he would be alive instead of dead like he deserves for picking the other girl >:(.” 

Both sides can find ways to claim that they won and the other side were all deluded fools, and both sides can also rage impotently at the show and claim the books will give them the true (read: their preferred) ending. We’ll constantly pick apart every tiniest detail looking for proof that our favorite was the real winner and the true hero instead of accepting that maybe the series is full of imperfect, human, characters who try their best to do what’s right, and that multiple people are responsible for saving Westeros.

And we’ll never get to enjoy this brilliant series of books and the wonderful, complex, compelling characters without getting sucked it to endless bickering over who’s boning who and who should have boned who. Hooray.

In all truth, I’m excited to see how it ends. I have mixed feelings about the show as an adaptation of my favorite book series, and I wish Martin had told the ending himself, but I’ve been waiting to learn the fates of my favorited characters for so long. I’m hyped. I don't actually know what happens in Season 8, obviously, but I can’t wait to cheer, cry, angst, and find Tumblr a disaster like always.

And while I’m here making predictions that all but ensure everyone justifiably hates me and no one ever takes me seriously ever again... Arya and Bran also die leaving Sansa and the Starkaryen kid as the last Starks, Tyrion blows up King’s Landing and is executed for it, Jaime dies, Cersei dies, Theon dies, Grey Worm and/or Missandei die, Jorah dies, Bronn dies (he should have died in Season 7 tbh), Varys dies (God, without Aegon there’s like no point to him). Tormund dies, Brienne... Not a damn clue. Gendry maybe lives? Hell, maybe Arya lives? 

Seriously, I have no idea how this ends.

[douxreviews]

Gotham - ‘I Am Bane’ Review

Eduardo: "Eduardo is dead, Jim. There is only Bane!"

How fitting that the title of this week's episode is 'I Am Bane' – because this episode also turned out to be the bane of my week.

To understand where I'm coming from, I need to preface this review briefly with my take on the character itself of Bane. First introduced into DC Comics in 1993, Bane's origin is wonderfully rich and distinguished as elaborated upon in Batman: Knightfall. Fans of Batman that aren't immensely familiar with the comics who dismiss Bane as a one-note villain whose only defining trait is his super-strength can be forgiven, because every live-action adaptation of this character simply fails to live up to the layered, dark-parallel of Batman that's featured in the comics. And a big reason for this is due to the major retoolings of Bane's origin with each adaptation. To put in other words, I don't mind that Gotham wants to shake up Bane's uprising, I just mind very much so that he's actually really boring by the end of it all. He doesn't feel much like somebody who is nuanced or unique when compared to other gunslinger characters, and at the end of the day, all Gotham has given us is a brooding hulk with a stick-up-his-rear who's put briefly at the mercy of Hollywood Healing to get his powers.

Not-Amanda-Waller (Jaime Murray) squirrels Eduardo away and has Hugo Strange, who's essentially Gotham's walking deus ex machina now when it comes to surgeries and resurrections, grant Eduardo his signature super-strength. Eduardo goes on to lead an arsenal of goons to interrupt a gathering between Gordon and the U.S. military, quite easily wiping the floor with trained policemen and soldiers all just to get to Gordon and Bruce. As far as suspensions of disbelief go, Gotham's finally gotten me to draw a doggone line in the sand and say "You know Gotham, I like spending time with you and all, but you really didn't think you could just show essentially Bob Parr in a Cruella de Vil coat tossing a few gas canisters, and effectively subduing at least a dozen serviceman who possess firearms and the training to respond rapidly to calamities like this, and not think I wouldn't raise questions?"

Yes, as it turns out, Eduardo is but another cog in the grand scheme of Not-Amanda-Waller's plot to plunge Gotham City into absolute destruction and ruin, relying on the aid of her mysterious organization that supposedly has eyes and ears everywhere, and...oh for goodness' sake Gotham, I get that you so badly want to be The Dark Knight Rises, but couldn't you at least be a little bit more subtle about it? I've seen disguises sported by Count Olaf that were more low-key than this episode's allusions.

Not-Amanda-Waller reveals herself here as Nyssa Al Ghul, the daughter of Ra's Al Ghul. From there on, any remaining trace of threat Nyssa exuded was eradicated. To begin with, I don't really care how much Nyssa wants to babble about how the League of Assassins or Shadows (or whatever they're calling themselves in Gotham) is on a mission to actually protect the world by destroying Gotham City, because once she reveals that she has a vendetta against Bruce and Barbara, this is all her entire undertaking ever seems to feel about: she hates Bruce and Barbara because they are directly responsible for the death of her father. Which only compounds my issues with this episode even further; wasn't it explicitly stated over and over in Season 4 that Ra's wanted to die? It was the whole reason he needed that unique dagger Barbara and Bruce were competing to obtain, wasn't it? Secondly, if I'm expected to at least get a sense of understanding for Nyssa's motives and anger, I don't, simply because Gotham never took the time to ever explore what kind of dynamic Nyssa had with her father; what kind of relationship did they hold, did she idolize her father, was Ra's training both Nyssa and Barbara to become possible heirs to the League which has led Nyssa to resent Barbara? Who knows? Thirdly, how does Nyssa even know it's Bruce and Barbara specifically that killed Ra's? Last I checked, Ra's death in Season 4's finale was only witnessed by Bruce, Barbara, Jeremiah, Tabitha, and Oswald.

What's even more amusing is that before Nyssa even identifies herself, she has Eduardo torture Gordon just as a way to get Bruce to try and figure out for himself who she might be. And as heart-wrenching as David Mazouz's performance is, it's too easy for the audience to side with Bruce as well, and wonder aloud in bewilderment at our television set over who this woman is, when we haven't had any buildup or hints whatsoever to her identity. Of course Bruce can't figure out who you are sweetie, your dad never even mentioned you to him!

While all of this is unraveling, a very twisted rendition of Gilligan's Island – consisting of Oswald, Ed and Barbara – is about to set sail aboard their newly-configured submarine, but the excursion is cut short when Barbara goes into labor. This is where I was kind of hoping Gotham would give us an indication of where we are in the timeline because wasn't it only four episodes ago that Barbara even dropped the bombshell that she was with child? I admit I've also never been present around what an actual childbirth is like, but Erin Richards absolutely is convincing enough, to the point that I'd even say she had the best performance of the entire episode. Once Nyssa sends Eduardo to kill Barbara, the dynamic duo of Ozzie and Ed cobbles together a few traps to buy Barbara enough time to escape, complete with endearing screaming fits from Ozzie, and Ed's pettiness needing to get the last word in to Lee ("For the record, you stabbed me first!")!

This fustercluck of an episode ends with Barbara successfully giving birth to her and Gordon's daughter, a genuinely touching moment, while Eduardo, just to further remind the audience that he is indeed Bane, breaks Alfred's back. Once again, all of my sympathies just go out to poor Alfred, for so many of the horrific injuries and torment that Bruce had to go through in the comics just seem to get shifted on to Alfred in Gotham. Apart from Erin Richards' performance and Ozzie and Ed always being a ton of fun together, there's not much else in this episode that gets me eager to see this merit-less conflict's resolution, in four weeks no less. I used to always remind myself during prior seasons that things may have to get worse before they get better, but with Gotham nearing the final curtain call, perhaps this episode's final scene of Gotham City being air-bombed is appropriate symbolism for the end – perhaps things only get worse.

Aaron Studer loves spending his time reading, writing and defending the existence of cryptids because they can’t do it themselves.

[winterisakillerwrites]

Becoming - Part One

Title: Becoming

One Shot: 1/6

Character: Tom Hiddleston

Genre: Realistic(?) fluff; Angst

Rating: T

Summary: Learning about his son was only just the start of the story. As Tom Hiddleston struggles to adapt to this sudden change in his life, he comes to learn that becoming a father might be the biggest role he’d ever taken on. *Sequel/Continuation of Lovers’ Eyes*

Authors Notes/Warnings: This story came about because I knew there was still so much about Tom and his son that I wanted to explore. I fully intended this to be a quick flash forward into their lives, a snapshot if you will....They had other ideas and so here we are. This is technically all one story but has been broken down into parts to make the reading easier. 

Thanks so much first and foremost to @ciaodarknessmyheart who has dealt with me throwing all of these ideas at her and has helped shape them into something coherent and wonderful. 

Thanks as well to @tinchentitri who also helped provide wonderful insight.

Hope you all enjoy!

Tag List: @tinchentitri @messy-insomniac-bookgirl @noplacelikehome77 @blacksuitofdoom @nonsensicalobsessions @theheartofpenelope @ms-cellanies @nuggsmum @inkededucatednnerdy @redfoxwritesstuff  @just-the-hiddles​ @wolfsmom1​ @theoneanna​ @hiddlescastle​ @sabine-leo​ @alexakeyloveloki​  @echantedbytwh @finchbaggins

Tom Hiddleston couldn’t seem to keep himself from pacing around the living room, couldn’t seem to get a lid on the anxiety that has been coursing through him for the better part of the last few days. In theory he’d known this was something that would happen and that it was, in fact, a good thing. But knowing that intellectually and understanding it emotionally were two vastly different things.

 The year and a half that had passed since he’d learned of Jaime brought such upheaval to the usual controlled chaos of his life. In the past eighteen months he’d lost the woman he knew he would always love permanently and in the same breath gained a child, their child. Jaime was a sturdy and curious lad, almost six now and so much like his mother.

 It was still difficult at times for Tom to watch him and see the spark he’d always loved shining through the boy. He’d made such a mess of things before, had missed out on so much. And that fear had plagued him each step of the way he’d taken to building a relationship with his son. For months he’d simply been “mummy’s friend Tom” or “Uncle Tom”. He spent as much time as he could with the boy, getting to know him and in turn letting the boy become comfortable. All under the watchful and hesitant eyes of Keira Michaelson.

 Jaime had taken to him quickly, curious about this new person that had stumbled into his life. But cautious, he watched Tom with wide eyes offering him the use of his toys and losing himself in the program on television. That first afternoon had been awkward and tense and wonderful. Jaime seemed both amused and wary of him and watched him as though he was someone he had seen before but couldn’t seem to place. Tom had done his best to keep his emotions in check, not wanting to scare the boy. He’d left that afternoon and called Luke from the relative safety of his hotel room.

 To say his publicist was shocked at this unexpected and potentially dangerous development in his client’s life would have been a major understatement. Luke had spent the better part of twenty minutes screaming and cursing at Tom while simultaneously demanding answers. It had been a tense, terse conversation and had it been anyone but Luke, he would have ended it abruptly and without question. But even in his confused, angry grief, Tom knew Luke was doing this for his benefit. The question of the validity of Eliza’s claim of paternity was shot down even before it had finished leaving Luke’s lips.

 “He is mine, Luke. There is absolutely no question about that.”

 “I’m glad you feel that way, Tom, but legally you need to know you have a leg to stand on should you want to take this farther.”

 He knew Luke was right and that it was the sensible thing to do, especially if he wanted to keep himself in Jaime’s life. If he had the paperwork to prove he was Jaime’s father, if there was irrefutable evidence, no one could dare question his involvement. Keira couldn’t keep the boy from him. Not that he thought she ever would…She may not like him, may never like him, but she wasn’t heartless. Careful and cautious, without question, but never heartless. But the idea of questioning whether or not the boy who’d already burrowed his way into Tom’s heart was his left a sour taste in his mouth.

 His conversation with his mother had been just as painful. Diana was a proud woman and loved her children fiercely. She’d taken the end of his relationship with Eliza hard, if only for the fact that she knew deep down it wasn’t what Tom had truly wanted. And she’d known, just as certainly, that her boy was stubborn as the day was long and nothing save his own doing would ever change his mind. Learning of not only Eliza’s passing but of the fact she had another grandchild she hadn’t known about had floored his usually unshakable mother. She had been torn between her own angry confusion and the pain of experiencing her only son’s devastating grief and being unable to do a thing to ease it.

 Once it became clear that Tom intended to be involved, as much as he was able, in the boy’s life, Diana had allowed herself to bombard him with question after question. How had this happened? Why hadn’t he known? Had he known but never said? What was the boy like? Did he know who Tom was to him?

 Tom had answered as honestly as he could with his head still swimming. There was still so much he didn’t know. So much he had to learn and it terrified him. At some point he had broken down and admitted just how scared he was. How terrified he was that he couldn’t be the kind of parent Jaime needed. How he barely had his own life together so how could he possibly expect to care for someone else who would need so much of him?

 “What if I’m not good enough, mum?”

 Diana had sighed. “Tom, my boy, that is what it means to be a parent. You are never going to feel ready, never going to be sure. But you will do it anyway because you have to. Because you can’t let yourself do anything but be the best parent you can be.”

 Things were rocky at first.

 At times Tom felt as though he were walking on eggshells around Jaime and around Keira. It was clear Jaime was close with his grandmother, especially now that his mother was gone, and while he had taken to Tom, it was obvious whose company he preferred. It had hurt at first, the knowledge that he was, for now, a side character in his son’s life. But he understood the rationale for it. Understood Keira’s hesitancy, even if it grated.

 But as they grew to know one another, Tom could see the trust blooming in Jaime’s eyes. He seemed to look forward to the afternoons Tom spent with him and later to the phone calls that became part of his nightly routine. The way Jaime’s face would light up when he walked through the door tugged at something deep inside of him. Something he doubted he would ever be able to put accurately into words.

 The real test came when life and obligation came calling. He had used all the bereavement leave he had and the studio began to breathe down his neck about returning. The film was half finished and though that shot around him as much as they were able, his presence on set was not only necessary but demanded. Tom had done his best to explain to Jaime but it hadn’t stopped the tears or the confusion. And then he’d been on a plane flying away from the one place he wanted to be.

 Jaime hadn’t understood why Tom missed their afternoon play date and why he hadn’t called before bed to wish Jaime goodnight. He’d been sullen and tearful when Tom had finally managed to settle nearly half a world away and call the following morning, asking if Uncle Tom was leaving him like mummy had. It had taken everything in Tom not to fall apart, not to pack up and fly back to the UK consequences and career be damned. Instead, he’d swallowed against the lump in his throat and explained as best he could that he was coming back, this was a temporary thing and that sometimes adults had to do things they didn’t want to do.  

 The following few days were a test. Jaime had initially refused the video calls Tom made and when he’d accepted them, spent most of his time with his head buried in his grandmother’s shirt. Tom could feel the tension radiating from Keira through the screen. And again and again he found himself questioning the right he had in Jaime’s life. How was it fair to try to form a bond with the boy when he couldn’t guarantee he’d be there?

 Guilt ate steadily at him and Tom found himself incredibly short with just about everyone on set. He snapped and snarked at any and every one, missing marks and flubbing lines he had known by rote just weeks before. It had taken the director pulling him to the side and telling him in no uncertain terms that his behavior was unprofessional and unacceptable and that if he could not get himself together this would be where they parted ways for Tom to see the damage he was inflicting. He’d asked for the rest of the day off to clear his head and had spent it in his hotel room trying desperately to gain control of himself.

 This wasn’t like him, wasn’t how he’d ever wanted to be. But fuck if he knew what to do to get himself back in check. Unable to stand the suffocating closeness of the hotel room, Tom found himself wandering the beach a few blocks down in a desperate attempt to clear his mind. It was unseasonably cool and the beach mostly empty. He’d taken to running along the beach in the mornings…Or had before his life had turned on its head.

 Running had always brought a sense of calm to him. Everything seemed easier somehow when his feet pounded against the earth. But with the way his mind had been, running was the last thing he could force himself to do. And without that outlet...

 God, maybe he was losing his mind. Thinking he could do this; could be what the world demanded of him and be what Jaime needed him to be. He’d spent so many years running full force at a goal that he never seemed to reach; always looking for the next challenge, the next role. And often to the determent of those around him and in some ways to himself. There were so many friends he’d lost touch with, so many simple things he’d missed (birthdays, weddings, holidays), so many things he’d let fall by the wayside in his quest to be better. To do more.

 He’d spent the better part of his adult life running that he was terrified he’d forgotten was it was like to stand still. He’d been a terrible friend, terrible brother, terrible son. How could he be anything but a terrible father? And didn’t Jaime deserve more? Deserve better?

 God, he didn’t know.

 Tom wasn’t certain how long he’d sat on that beach, staring at the ocean but seeing nothing. A light rain had started to fall, the shiver it sent through him shocking Tom back into himself. He pushed himself to his feet and began the slow trek back towards the hotel. The sun, which had been weak to begin with, had hidden itself behind the mass of roiling grey clouds. It would storm soon.

 He made it back to the hotel just as the storm broke and watched the sheets of rain soaking the car park as he made his way through the lobby and back to his room. The air con made him shiver and he knew that getting out of his damp clothes into something dry was a necessity if he didn’t want to add sick on top of his growing list of uncouth behavior.

 The first thing his eyes fell upon as he shoved the door to his room closed behind him was his mobile laying on the bed. He’d left it in his haste to simply get out and as the screen lit up to signal the arrival of a new message, Tom caught sight of a missed FaceTime call. A quick glance at his watch and a longer moment working the time difference out in his head, told him it was most likely Keira calling with Jaime. His nightly bedtime call and he’d missed it.

 He sank onto the bed, letting the guilt and self-loathing course through him. Another disappointment, another let down. He rubbed his eyes viciously with his hands, trying desperately to ignore the ache in his chest at the thought of letting Jaime down once more. Of failing at the last thing Eliza had asked of him. Jaime deserved so much better.

 He nearly jumped out of his skin as the mobile by his side erupted in noise. Confused, it took Tom several moments to recognize the sound for what it was; an incoming FaceTime call. He sat bolt upright, grabbing the phone and answering the call without any conscious thought.

 A bleary-eyed Jaime filled his screen and Tom fought to control his breathing. “Hello, Jaime lad.”

 “Uncle Tom, you didn’t answer before. I thought you forgot.”

 Tom swallowed against the lump in his throat, his voice catching as he choked out. “I’m sorry, I was outside and like a silly bugger forgot to take the phone with me. I would never forget our nighttime call.”

 Jaime’s face brightened and for the first time in days he happily, but sleepily, recounted the fun he’d had that day. Tom listened in in rapture, greedily drinking in every detail the boy gave him. He asked for details about the new friend Jaime had made at the park and laughed when the boy recounted the funny joke he’d learned from his favorite show. A cautious, quiet hope took root in his chest as he watched his son fight his obvious exhaustion. Jaime was talking to him, seemed happy once more to be doing so.

 “Alright darling boy,” Tom heard Keira’s steady voice call. “It’s getting late and you need to be in your bed.”

 Jaime pouted, clearly unwilling to heed his grandmother’s instruction.

 “None of that now, Jaime lad,” Tom whispered. “You need sleep so you can have more fun tomorrow. And I will call you and you can tell me all about it, okay?”

 The boy nodded and reluctantly handed the phone to his grandmother. Tom forced a smile as her face came into view. “Thank you for calling back.”

 Keira nodded. “He missed you and I couldn’t have that. Good night, Tom.” And the screen went black.

 NEXT

[mshelenahandbag]

Best of ‘17 — TV

TV

This year’s best include a wide variety: historical recreations of Hollywood, a fantasy medieval world on the brink of all out war, two separate shows with drag queens, the secret lives of soccer moms, a revival 25 years in the making, a documentary about America’s greatest shame and an Emmy-winning adaptation of a book hitting a little too close to home.

Honorable Mention: Scandal (ABC)

Shonda Rhimes finally got her damn groove back. After watching The Catch and Still Star-Crossed fizzle out and a less-than-stellar third season of How To Get Away With Murder, Shonda’s flagship Scandal was back on track after two seasons of stagnant WTF-dom. Season six brought us back into the world of Olivia Pope with a bang when president-elect Frankie Vargas is assassinated. And it just gets crazy in the best way possible from there. We really get a glimpse again of the Olivia we all have loved since the first season and probably the best performances to date for Bellamy Young as Mellie Grant and Darby Stanchfield as Abby. And with Shonda announcing season seven will be the show’s last, this season could have served as its conclusion, but now we get to see Shonda’s gloves off for this final season with nothing held back, and a darker Olivia Pope with no white hat, now running B-613.

Outstanding Episode: “Trojan Horse” (Original airdate: 4/20/2017)

Mellie’s future to the White House is suddenly in doubt when Cyrus is pardoned for Frankie’s assassination and makes his pwn play for the White House, despite a massive campaign against him. Olivia wants to help Cyrus, even as her father warns her not to, for so many reasons, the biggest of which remains the shadow cabal who arranged for Frankie’s assassination and Mellie’s eventual win. The meat of this episode comes when Mellie meets her unexpected benefactors, Plus and Ruland, who she tries to threaten, only for Ruland to off her chief of staff, Elizabeth North (Portia de Rossi) via a golf club to the skull. Mellie is broken down and a total pawn for whatever they want to her to do. Elsewhere, Fitz breaks it off with his girlfriend, the FBI director, who pushes for Rowan’s arrest, which Fitz has already done, for his protection. Fitz and Olivia FINALLY get back together as everyone gets ready to take the shadowy organization down once and for all.

Honorable Mention: American Horror Story: Cult (FX)

I was not expecting to put this back on my best of list. Roanoke was disappointing in so many aspects. So when season seven was announced, and a theme element of the 2016 election announced, I was already ready to tune out. But something about this season is a brilliant commentary on our hive mind ideology of democrat vs republican, liberal v conservative, etc. It’s also just flat out scary. We see the lives of a lesbian couple Ally (Paulson) and Ivy (Alison Pill) as they adjust to the post-election realities, especially since Ally is damn near afraid of everything. We also meet the charismatic Kai Anderson (Evan Peters in his best AHS role to date) - a cult leader who seems to be able to read his followers and get exactly what he wants out of them. Unlike the prior six seasons, there’s nothing supernatural here, it’s all things that, could, can and have happened in the last year. What I love is that the show is not just skewed to show the evils of the alt-right, we see the exaggeration on both sides. And yet it’s still got its funny moments (“lesbians we’re under attack”) and true terror. I was ready to dismiss this season but it has truly become the show’s best since its inaugural season.

Outstanding Episode: “Drink the Kool-Aid” (Original airdate: 10/31/2017)

First off, props to Evan Peters. He played not only his role of Kai, but four additional roles in this one episode. In a massive flashback tapestry we see Peters’ Kai tell the stories of the Branch-Davidians (Peters playing David Koresh), Heaven’s Gate (Peters playing Marshall Applewhite) and finally the People’s Temple (Peters playing Jim Jones and later Jesus in a lie Kai tells his cult about Jones’s fate). Through these stories we see how Kai has managed to shape his own cult from the past and learn from what has worked and what hasn’t. Kai announces his intent to run for Senate but also forces his cult members to truly declare that they would do anything for him in the times to come. So he brings the men and women together and has them literally drink the kool-aid. The men do it willingly, the women at gunpoint, all nervous about sacrificing themselves only for Kai to reveal there was nothing in the drink. The sheer terror at so many of those involved in this scene truly sell its horror (special shoutout goes to Adina Porter’s Beverly Johnson for finally cracking amid her to-date strength). The other standout is the “B plot” as it seems all is well again with Ally and Ivy - as Ally explains that she has conquered her phobias by using her energy on getting revenge. So, yeah, Ally has poisoned her wife’s wine and pasta as revenge for institutionalizing her. And then she plays her next card deftly forging donor records that claim Kai is her son’s father. Sarah Paulson continues to be the show’s MVP every year because her range shows so many different sides every time. In this one episode Ally stops being a victim and starts to plot her way out of the cult, and taking Kai down with her.

10) Game of Thrones (HBO)

Winter has finally arrived in Westeros and shit just hits the fan from here on out. Even with a HUGE threat to the entire region from the White Walkers, we watch as Daenerys (Emilia Clarke) FINALLY lands on her home soil and proceeds to try and make her claim for the Iron Throne. Cersei (Lena Headey) allies with Euron Greyjoy to cement her hold on the Seven Kingdoms; in the North, Sansa (Sophie Turner) tries to keep things together while Littlefinger (Aiden Gillen) schemes. Basically we get a season’s worth of plot in seven episodes, and they all were so fantastic. Lots of action, but for the final season I want Benioff and Weiss to remember their prior six seasons had far better writings and less contrived coincidences. But the stage is set for a truly epic finale that will determine once and for all who will hold the Iron Throne…if the White Walkers don’t kill everyone first.

Outstanding Episode: The Queen’s Justice (Original airdate: 7/30/2017)

The long-awaited meeting between Dany and Jon Snow (Kit Harrington) is just one of the many highlights of this episode. We see Dany overtly trying to get Jon to “bend the knee”in fealty to her. Jon tries to convince Daenerys to abandon her quest for the Throne and aid their fight against the White Walkers. It’s a very frosty exchange between the two, and it looks like the alliance we all want may not actually be happening. Cersei enacts her revenge on Ellaria Sand (Indira Varma) for murdering her daughter Myrcella. The scene excels with a beautiful monologue performed by Headey where you see Cersei’s pain and anger. You might hate her like I do, but there’s times like this, you can’t say you’d do the same for your child. Cersei kisses Ellaria’s daughter Tyene with the same poison they used on Myrcella, and forces the guards to keep her eyes open so she can watch her die. Tyrion, meanwhile, gives Dany an inside scope of where to attack to let Cersei know about their presence: the Lannister stronghold of Casterly Rock. The Unsullied take the castle with little resistance, only to learn that Lannister forces have marched on Highgarden and taken it, and with it, Targaryen ally Olenna Tyrell (Diana Rigg). Jaime (Nikolaj Coster-Waldau) and Olenna have probably one of the most epic scenes in series history. Olenna takes her fate - death by poison - as she has everything in the series, with her trademark wit and devil may care attitude. She flat-out tells Jaime she arranged Joffrey’s death and that she wants Cersei to know it was her. Diana Rigg’s performance in the series and this final episode are just one of the many things I’ve loved about Olenna and was so heartbroken when her time was up.

9) Feud: Bette and Joan (FX)

Ryan Murphy continues a streak on FX that translates into brilliance…as long as he isn't the sole writer. We’ve all known about this infamous feud between Hollywood legends Bette Davis and Joan Crawford that exploded during the filming of Whatever Happened to Baby Jane. This new series from Murphy really highlights the sexism of Hollywood, the way the two stars were baited against each other and the lasting effect it left on the two of them. This is just a star vehicle of excellence for both Jessica Lange’s Crawford - obsessive, scheming, paranoid but refined and Susan Sarandon’s Davis - witty, shrewd and blunt. The supporting players like Alfred Molina’s Robert Aldrich and Stanley Tucci’s Jack Warner all help support them (but special note given to Jackie Hoffman’s Mamacita, Crawford’s long suffering and lovely maid, and Judy Davis’s pitch-perfect portrayal of gossip columnist Hedda Hopper) but it’s just a tour-de-force from both leading ladies. You almost feel pulled in both directions on who to root for: Crawford or Davis, but the end result shows how Hollywood works. One day you’re the talk of the town, the next you can't even get arrested and make the papers. Brilliant work!

Outstanding Episode: And The Winner Is-The Oscars of 1963 (Original airdate: 4/2/2017)

After Joan is denied a nomination for her work on Baby Jane, she and Hedda set out to ensure that Bette’s nomination is not going to get her a win. Crawford makes the rounds with the other nominees, convincing Geraldine Page (Sarah Paulson in a brief cameo) and Anne Bancroft to not attend the ceremony and allow her (Crawford, that is) to accept the award on their behalf if they win. Hedda, meanwhile, buries Bette with the Academy and the press with stories from the set of Baby Jane, some true and some not. Oscar night comes and Jessica Lange’s Crawford is in a full tour-de-force of rubbing it in. She presents the Oscar she is slated to, then in a brilliant tracking shot, goes backstage and gets ready for the Best Actress category. When Anne Bancroft wins, seeing Sarandon portray Bette’s heartbreak as Lange’s Crawford struts past, victorious, is the high point of this beautiful series.

8) The Boulet Brothers’ DRAGULA: The Search for The Next Drag Supermonster (YouTube)

This series has upped its game in a big way for 2017. After a very cool and very punk season one (voted one of the best year by IMDB), season two took off like a rocket. Bigger budget, bigger guest judges, more intense extermination challenges and a cast that spans the country. The Boulet Brothers have definitely made their little-series-that-could into the little-series-that-IS. We’ve upped the game, and these queens want to truly show the world they’re the next supermonster, whether it’s fashionable yet fierce Abhorra, the completely wacky Disasterina or the cosplay-themed-yet-fierce Erika Klash. This cast brought it and made this show even better, and that’s before you factor in how bigger the show got in a year. With the Boulets saying that anyone can audition, we may have something to answer the call for those who don’t fit the mold for other drag TV competition series. And that’s a good thing!

Outstanding Episode: Episode Three (Original airdate: 11/14/2017)

My fav on season two was Biqtch Puddin, and I’m 100 percent biased because she’s my sister. And she had a rough start to her run on Dragula - a misunderstood outfit week one and a low performance week two that led her to face her first extermination challenge. Going into week three, the Boulets wanted to give Biqtch a challenge, so in announcing the rock band challenge, both Victoria Elizabeth Black (the winner of the challenge) and Biqtch (who had performed low beyond the Boulets’ expectations) were given the role of lead singer for the two groups’ rock bands. And BIQTCH. TURNED. IT. OUT. For one she was the only contestant to turn out big ‘80s rock hair, and her outfit was a loving tribute to Pete Burns, glam rock and more. Her performance as lead singer, along with her entire group’s synchronicity boosted them to the top and gave Biqtch a much needed win after two low weeks. She really did it and I was so happy to see that. In general this week was a great episode: fun challenge, lots of tributes to punk and grunge rock and you can really tell the girls enjoyed this one. We also got to hear a little bit about Dahli’s touring with Blood on the Dance Floor - and how she quit touring with the band because of an HIV diagnosis. I love that this show is able to play with soft and hard so beautifully. We can be talking about real issues one minute, and the next you see these beautiful super monsters taking their pain and using it to their benefit on the runway. Sadly for Kendra Onixx, her time was up after missing the mark in her runway, performance and not being able to grin and bear the extermination challenge of getting the most embarrassing/trashy tattoo. This series continues to just be all pleasure and no guilt, and I love every second of it.

7) American Gods (Starz)

Neil Gaiman’s best non angelic/devil story (which has its own series coming soon to Amazon) took off like a bandit this year with this show that made me actually watch Star for the first time ever. The combination of Bryan Fuller’s beautiful creative direction with Gaiman’s text and imagination result in the one of the most creative and innovative shows this year. Ricky Whittle gives a star making turn as our lead Shadow Moon, released from jail as his wife has died, and meets a mysterious stranger.  Ian McShane was the perfect choice for Mr. Wednesday, as we begin to get into the (literal) mythology, setting up the war to come between the Old Gods and the New. Gillian Anderson also must be praised for her seamless portrayals as Media in the forms of Lucille Ball, David Bowie, Marilyn Monroe and Judy Garland. I love that we learn about the origins of so many gods coming to America, and setting up what’s to come for the second season and beyond!

Outstanding Episode: “Come to Jesus” (Original airdate: 6/18/17)

There were so many fantastic episodes in the first season, it was really hard to narrow down to what truly was the best. But seeing Shadow finally realize what world is was finally apart of is a thrill. Wednesday and Shadow make their way to a celebration thrown by Ostara (Kristin Chenoweth) for spring, just as Media, Mr. World and Tech Boy  **and** the same time as Shadow’s not-dead wife Laura (Emily Browning) and leprechaun Mad Sweeney (Pablo Schreiber). So shit gets real VERY quick as Shadow finally catches on he’s among gods. And this is where the most amazing things happen. We learn Wednesday was behind Laura’s death in a car accident and when Media tries to persuade Ostara to join the New Gods, let’s just say shit get biblical. Odin, that is Wednesday, unleashes his power, and encourages Ostara to do the same. We get to see Ostara make things bloom…and wither. From here, Odin and Ostara — and Shadow have drawn their line in the sand that will be the big focus of season two!

6) RuPaul’s Drag Race (VH1)

Hot off a fantastic year of season 8 AND All Stars 2, Drag Race had won its first Emmy for mama Ru’s hosting AND made the switch to VH1. Season 9 upped the game with Lady Gaga as the show’s first guest judge and brought us some of the series’ best contestants to date, whether it was the slaytastic Shea Coulee, artsy Sasha Velour or even the amazing tucking talents of Trinity Taylor. The judges were bigger and better (Kesha, The B-52s, Joan Smalls, Cheyenne Jackson!), the challenges upped the stakes and the eliminations got more and more WTF as the season went on. PLUS mama Ru had had enough half-assed lip-syncs and completely changed the format of the finale to make the finalists TRULY work for the crown.

Outstanding Episode: “Your Pilot’s On Fire” (Original air date: 5/19/2017)

Bitch if ever we were to surpass “what did Willam do” - I’m pretty sure we did with this episode. Ru tasks the final seven to come up their own pilots for network TV. Sasha and Shea, whose chemistry and partnership worked previously in the season, slayed with their spy-comedy Teets And Asky; Peppermint, Trinity Taylor and Alexis Michelle were good for all the wrong reasons (But Trinity’s Sister Mary Kuhnt was HILARIOUS!) due to a lot of infighting mostly from Alexis’s perfectionist tendencies and capacity to throw her other team members right in the path of any oncoming bus. And then there was Valentina and Nina Bo’nina Brown. Woefully underprepared with no script, their attempts to ad-lib don’t wow Michelle Visage and Carson Kressley. The runway theme, club kid, is a true standout among the nine seasons of the show, but big shock, Val and Nina are bottom two, and lip-syncing to Ariana Grande’s “Greedy.” Valentina’s mask stays on at the beginning, and we ALL noticed. And for the first time ever, RuPaul has to stop a lip-sync to ask Valentina to take her mask off. Valentina, to that point, had been portrayed as the sweetest girl in the cast. So when “I’d like to keep it on please” came out of her mouth, the fanbase was shook (we’d be even more shook at the Reunion by her behavior). Valentina throwing in the towel officially, to me, ties Willam’s elimination for the most shocking moment in the show’s history. It also happens in one of this season’s best episodes, and just truly shook up who I thought would make it to the finale.

5) The Vietnam War (PBS)

If you are my age, and you were in high school learning U.S. history - your teacher probably rushed through the 20th century in the span of two weeks or less. If that. Vietnam is usually a day, or two, maybe a week if you’re lucky. And we don’t know nearly enough, my generation that is, about one of the greatest embarrassments in our lifetime. Ken Burns and Lynn Novick’s 10-part, 18 hour masterpiece truly encompasses every single facet of the Vietnam War - the U.S.’s involvement, the North and South Vietnamese armies and governments, the anti-war protests, the U.S.government. There’s so much to unpack and Ken Burns and Lynn Novick’s interviews, research, set to the music of the ‘60s and ‘70s and guided by Peter Coyote’s steady narration. By the end of it all it feels like you’re gone through the war your self and you will most definitely ask what the fuck were we doing there as so many have over the years. Ken Burns may be known for his Civil War documentary but I truly believe because he was able to tell these stories from the sources, that this will be his masterpiece.

Outstanding Episode: “Part 6: Things Fall Apart” (Original air date: 9/24/2017)

Most episodes cover a few years of the 20+ year war but this part covers one event that would change so much of the war. The Tet Offensive from January to July 1968. Hearing the stories of American veterans who were stuck on hills for months while the Vietcong rained down on them, and hearing the same stories from the other side is just incredible. But I think the point that this episode drives home is the perception and appearance of the fake activities of the war. We see one of the most iconic images of the war - the execution of Nguyễn Văn Lém. It’s a photo we’ve all seen in our history books, but we learn the whole story about this execution from this episode. I didn’t know there was video of this - color video. We learn Lém was found near a mass grave of bodies and that a general executed him on his own decision. Despite my very desensitized nature, seeing the video put a giant pit in my stomach…and if I wasn’t already against the war from the first five parts, this convinced me so much that this war was being fought for the wrong reasons.

4) Big Little Lies (HBO)

Limited series are completely in vogue right now, and this is without a doubt one of the best ever. A whodunit murder in Monterrey, California, occurs at a trivia night and we backtrack to meet all the players and suspects. You have high-strung Madeline (Reese Witherspoon), perfectionist Celeste (Nicole Kidman) meeting new single mom Jane (Shaleine Woodley). Things seems off when Jane’s son Ziggy is accused of attacking the daughter of Renata Klein (Laura Dern in what more than easily netted her an Emmy in my opinion) and a series of misunderstandings and power plays occur. (You think corporate greed is bad and under-handed? You haven't seen Witherspoon’s Martha outdo Dern’s Renata on a birthday party Jane’s son wasn’t invited to!) I am always in love with shows that show the dark underside of those “perfect, ideal suburbs.” And this is no exception. Everyone here fires on all cylinders, but the cream of the crop here is Kidman’s Celeste, especially when you learn her husband Perry (Alexander Skarsgard) is beating her. The way Kidman’s confidence is put on and later crumbles is haunting. But I also must give props to Laura Dern is truly having the best year of her career ever (more on this later in the list, twice, no less) and Renata is just a juicy and perfect role for her. People want a second season of this, but I strongly disagree. The majesty and brilliance of this show is in its limited form, and as much as I’d love to see more from all involved, it’s way better and far more powerful as a standalone limited miniseries.

Outstanding Episode: Burning Love (Original airdate: 3/26/2017)

It’s so hard for me to pick one episode, because literally every single of these episodes were brilliant. But the setup right before the epic revelations in the finale was just too perfect. Jane’s search for her rapist (and Ziggy’s father) hits a dead-end, just as Renata draws up a petition to suspend Ziggy. Woodley and Dern going toe-to-toe is just absolutely epic and I couldn't take my eyes off their confrontation. Kidman also excels this hour as Perry’s beatings finally give her courage to look for an apartment, in the first step to leaving him. Martha is livid that her daughter is auctioning her virginity off online, AND her affair from years back is still obsessed with her. Witherspoon more than makes up for lost time the other ladies have gained with this one scene. It’s just once again a complete tour de force of shade and style and substance.

3) Twin Peaks (Showtime)

I’ve waited patiently for this - since I first started watching the original on Netflix three years ago. And it’s so hard to try and describe this without giving crucial plot points away…AND because David Lynch’s brilliant work is sometimes so hard to dissect. OK, so…after the ending of season two, NegaCoop/Evil Cooper/BOB is still in our world, Dale Cooper himself is still stuck in the Black Lodge. And some transference has to happen for Nega to go back and Dale to exit…but Nega has planned for this and created dimwitted Dougie Jones, whose body Dale switches places with. Does that make any sense? No…well it’s David Lynch so fuck it! Now CONFIDENTLY, I can say that Kyle MacLachlan delivers three fantastic performances, that we connect to the original two seasons wonderfully and Fire Walk With Me perfectly and the entire thing is shot to Lynchian perfection. Everyone involved with this, from Sherilyn Fenn’s return as Audrey, to Robert Forster as new Twin Peaks sheriff Frank Truman (Harry’s brother) fire on all cylinders, but my hat goes off to Laura Dern as the previously mentioned but never seen Diane for delivering a chic character with a LOT of panache. (Special mention also has to be given to the late Catherine Coulson’s Log Lady and Miguel Ferrer’s Albert Rosenfeld for giving their characters more depth and final performances that will continue to make their stars shine). This limited series was something I was looking forward to each Sunday and feel honestly honored to watch a true work of art play out every week. Even if the ending was beyond frustrating, it was all about the journey this summer and honestly one of the best summer TV journeys I’ve ever had.

Outstanding Episode: “Part 16” (Original airdate: 8/27/2017)

The first fifteen weeks were amazing Lynchian art, but the penultimate week had plot development for days. After Dougie stuck a fork in an outlet (it’s a very long story, just watch this brilliant season), he’s in a coma BUT wakes up as the Dale Cooper we’ve all loved. And he’s ready to head back to Twin Peaks. Meanwhile, NegaCoop (he’s called Mr. C in most press but it’s just more fun for me) takes wayward fuckup Richard Horne (Eamon Ferren), Audrey’s (and later revealed HIS) son with him to coordinates given to him. Richard dies by electrocution meant for NegaCoop and knows that one set of coordinates is false, and the other will lead him back to Twin Peaks and to a showdown with his doppelgänger. Meanwhile (see what I did there, Peaks fans?) in North Dakota, Diane Evans (Dern) is contacted by NegaCoop and seems to convulse. She meets with her FBI allies Gordon Cole (David Lynch), Albert (Ferrer) and Tammy Preston (Chrysta Bell) revealing what happened when she met “Cooper” years ago. In short, NegaCoop raped her, took her. And then Diane freaks, saying she’s in the sheriff’s station and pulls a gun on her company, only to be shot by Albert and Tammy. Diane then vanishes to the Red Room, where MIKE (Al Strobel) realizes she’s been manufactured. Meanwhile meanwhile, Audrey Horne (Sherilynn Fenn) after two episodes of will she/won't she FINALLY goes to the Roadhouse with her husband. After a performance by Eddie Vedder, it’s announced the band will play “Audrey’s Dance.” Audrey then recreates her iconic dance from the pilot episode only to be interrupted by a sparring match between two men. “Get me out of here” Audrey says to Charlie, only to awake in a white room somewhere in front a mirror, crackling with electricity. And we still don't know where THAT is! (Seriously, David Lynch, do what you want but why include Audrey only to leave us hanging?!)

2) Stranger Things (Netflix)

One of the best surprises of last year has rightfully become a pop culture phenomenon and become one of the best made, best acted and just most fun shows on any medium right now. Set a year after the Vanishing of Will Byers, we rejoin the gang in Hawkins as Lucas and Dustin (Caleb McLaughlin, Gaten Matarazzzo) vie for the attention of new girl Max (Sadie Sink) who just might be able to hang with the gang, Mike (Finn Wolfhard) still coping with the loss of Eleven (Millie Bobbie Brown), Joyce (Winona Ryder) has a new beau (Sean Astin in a role that is just awkward HIL. AR. ITY.) oh and Will (Noah Schnapp) is having episodes (flashes of the Upside Down) on the regular. Things all begin coming to a head as something new from the Upside Down is coming, and it’s not going to stop with Will, it wants Hawkins, it wants the world. And it provides some of the best TV this year. This show’s word-of-mouth in season one is what contributed to its success, and I think the Duffer Brothers were able to build on that and make this season a standout, a great companion to the first and reset everything for its next two seasons.

Outstanding Episode: Chapter Two-Trick or Treat, Freak (Original airdate: 10/27/2017)

After we find out that not only is Eleven alive, but out of the Upside Down AND LIVING WITH HOPPER - you know I clicked NEXT EPISODE and FAST! We learn how El escaped, setting up a great set of small flashbacks for the rest of the season. But the main event here is Halloween with our heroes, taking full splendor of 1984 with Ghostbusters. (And being the only kids in Hawkins to wear their costumes to school - didn’t you hate when this happened to you?) I really enjoyed seeing the gang begin to try and let Max (Sadie Sink) into their ranks. But our focus this episode is two fold. We first get to see the boys trick-or-treating and we see Will being bullied as “zombie boy” and other nicknames (kids are the worst and its even driven home more later when Joyce, knocked back into the Upside Down. But this time with a video camera that will prove to be very crucial later. We also are privy to the high school’s Halloween party as Nancy (Natalia Dyer) and Steve (Joe Keery) begin to have issues. Nancy, especially, still wracked by guilt over the death and disappearance of her best friend Barb. It’s weird to see the dynamics shift of Steve being the responsible one and Nancy spiraling out of control. We’re still setting a lot of things up here, but the binge continues as Halloween winds down as Dustin finds something in his trashcan that changes the course of the entire season.

1) The Handmaid’s Tale (Hulu)

Even if the election of 2016 hadn’t essentially made this work of fiction a bit more real, I would still have given this the #1 slot. Margaret Atwood’s dystopian novel has been a favorite of mine for years and the world of Gilead has needed an onscreen revival after its entertaining but bare ‘90s adaptation. Enter creator and show runner Bruce Miller who took the novel and made a series that is equal parts terrifying, inspiring and breathtaking. The world of Gilead is expanded, lived in, and utterly terrifying in a post-11/8 “45” presidency. But it’s the best show on any platform right now. This is Elisabeth Moss’s show, because she absolutely vanishes into the role of Offred. We get to see how Gilead came to be, through Offred’s eyes and it’s one of the many strengths Miller has made for the series. A first person narrative is amazing, but can only go so far. The series goes beyond only what Offred sees in the novel - we see WAY more here and it sets a lot up. And it’s not just Moss, the entire cast is just fantastic, whether it’s Yvonne Strahovski’s cold and calculating performance as Serena Joy, Samira Wiley’s inspiring Moira - a Handmaid that has escaped, or the Emmy-winning talents of Ann Dowd as the cruel Aunt Lydia. Atwood’s novel is seen during season one and I’m curious what season two is gonna bring us with things never seen in the novel. This is the best 2017 gave us and I knew on its first day of release. The series is a warning, it’s a rally cry, and it is also an inspiring message to never give in, even when things are absolutely horrid. As was written by a Handmaid, and found by Offred: nolite te bastardes carborundum.

Outstanding Episode: “Late” (Original airdate: 4/26/2017)

This isn’t even Elisabeth Moss’ best episode. The reason this episode is the best of the year is because of Alexis Bledel’s Emmy winning performance. AND DOESNT EVEN SAY A WORD DURING THE WHOLE HOUR. We focus on Offred adjusting to the new Ofglen that has replaced Bledel’s. Aunt Lydia interrogates her and Serena assumes Offred is pregnant and defends her against her treatment. (She’s not.) Later when Serena finds this out, Strahovski’s anger and malice play beautifully as she forcibly drags Offred upstairs to confine her to her room. But that’s not the highlight and not why this is the best episode of TV this year. For this we must go back to Ofglen/Emily and Alexis Bledel. She’s been removed from her assigned residence for being a lesbian, a gender traitor and a crime in Gilead, especially the fact that she’s had a secret relationship. She and the Martha (another class of female servants) are sentenced - the Martha hanged (in a tracking shot as a van pulls Bledel away to her own punishment and sentence. We don’t see that until the episode’s end when Dowd’s pious Aunt Lydia comes in to tell Emily she won't want for what she can’t have. We then look down to see she has under gone genital mutilation. Bledel’s silence is finally broken as she screams, and it’s a chilling end to a brilliantly tragic hour of TV.

[winterisakillerwrites]

Becoming - Part Five

Title: Becoming

One Shot: 5/6

Character: Tom Hiddleston

Genre: Realistic(?) fluff; Angst

Rating: T

Summary: Learning about his son was only just the start of the story. As Tom Hiddleston struggles to adapt to this sudden change in his life, he comes to learn that becoming a father might be the biggest role he’d ever taken on. *Sequel/Continuation of Lovers’ Eyes*

Authors Notes/Warnings: This story came about because I knew there was still so much about Tom and his son that I wanted to explore. I fully intended this to be a quick flash forward into their lives, a snapshot if you will….They had other ideas and so here we are. This is technically all one story but has been broken down into parts to make the reading easier.

Thanks so much first and foremost to @ciaodarknessmyheart who has dealt with me throwing all of these ideas at her and has helped shape them into something coherent and wonderful.

Hope you all enjoy!

Tag List: @tinchentitri @messy-insomniac-bookgirl @noplacelikehome77 @blacksuitofdoom @nonsensicalobsessions @theheartofpenelope @ms-cellanies @nuggsmum @inkededucatednnerdy @redfoxwritesstuff  @just-the-hiddles @wolfsmom1 @theoneanna @hiddlescastle @sabine-leo @alexakeyloveloki  @echantedbytwh @finchbaggins  @kenzieam @ciaodarknessmyheart @ladyblablabla @trippedmetaldetector

PREVIOUS

It wasn’t an easy process and there had been push back on both sides. More often than not Tom found himself leaving meetings with his solicitor (a middle-aged no nonsense woman of his agent’s suggestion and of sterling reputation) feeling equal parts frustrated and terrified. She’d done her level best to reassure him that set-backs and disagreements were par for the course “After all,” she’d said pointedly after one such meeting, “Rome wasn’t built in a day.”

 Despite the constant feeling of unease and stagnation, they were at least starting to get somewhere. The time Tom spent with Jaime had an overlaying tension now which seemed to put both Tom and Keira on edge. They were never openly hostile towards each other around Jaime, but it was clear the boy felt the change. And that was something Tom knew neither he nor Keira wanted. It had taken tea and a fair bit of open, frank discussion on both of their parts for an uneasy truce to form between them. They both loved Jaime something fierce and both wanted the best for him. In order to do that they needed to work together, needed to be on similar pages. Jaime deserved no less.

 The begrudging truce formed that night was tested a week later when pictures of Tom and Jaime playing in the park began to make their way around gossip sites and the papers. While Tom’s status as a father was known to family, close friends, and his management, a public announcement had never been formally made. Knowing the intrusive nature of the press, Tom wanted to shield Jaime from it as much as he possibly could. He’d known taking the boy out in public would eventually bring the matter to a head, but had hoped being outside of London would delay it. And it had, for a time.

 When Luke called letting him know pictures had been released and several news agencies were reaching out for comment, Tom had been annoyed but not entirely surprised. He’d known from the beginning that sooner or later this would happen. The world he’d chosen to make his life in meant, whether unfairly or not, his life (both public and private) would be considered up for grabs. And because of who he was to Tom, Jaime could (and most likely would) very well be dragged into it. But knowing that did little to make any of it easier to bear. Nor was it any comfort.

 Shortly after that initial call, Tom discussed the matter with his team and then shortly thereafter with Keira, as she had a stake in this just has Tom himself had, and they’d all begrudging agreed that something needed to be said. To ignore the matter entirely would only serve to worsen the issue. Saying nothing would only lead to the press and the public coming up with their own versions of events and more cameras as they sought to prove or disprove their theories. In being open, or at least in saying something, part of that power, that control would be back in their hands. It wouldn’t stop the press or the cameras (and Tom was no longer naïve enough to think it would) but it would allow them to have a say in the story being told. It wasn’t ideal, but it was the one card they had left to play. Jaime was his son and he wasn’t ashamed of that fact, saying nothing, hiding it would only serve to make it seem as if that were the case. And that was something Tom would not stand for.

 The statement they had agreed on was short, simple, and to the point; it acknowledged that the boy Tom had been photographed with was indeed his son. That he and the boy’s mother had been in a serious relationship when the boy was conceived and that she had recently passed on. They asked for privacy in this matter and that while Tom himself was a public figure, his son was not and asked the press and the public to respect that.

 It was far from perfect and the resulting push back was loud. Why as this only coming out now? What was Tom trying to gain? Who was the child’s mother anyway? Why had nothing about her ever come out?

 Tom did his best to ignore the questions and the unkind words and had encouraged Keira to do the same. “It’s just noise,” he explained, hoping she could understand. Hoping she could see, in this instance, he knew what he was talking about. It was a hard lesson to learn and one Tom still found himself struggling with. But it was the only way to handle the madness. “It’s loud and painful but ultimately changes nothing. You can’t read everything they say about you or the ones you care for, doing so would drive you mad. You can’t change it, can’t stop it, so you just have to do your level best to ignore it. To treat it as if it’s nothing more than background noise.”

 Following his own advice was easier said than done and he’d caught himself looking at the articles and speculation from time to time, fighting the bile rising in his throat as he did so. It could be worse, he told himself. It could be so much worse. But knowing that didn’t make seeing it any easier.

 While he fought to keep things as normal as he could for Jaime’s sake, the boy clearly noticed the sudden amount of attention he’d garnered. They’d been in the park and had spent a fair amount of time in the play area, Tom laughing as Jaime horsed around on the monkey bars (ignoring the sense of dread he felt when Jaime nearly lost his grip) and ran up and down the slide. On one such trip up the climbing tower on a warm August afternoon, Jaime paused, confusion painting his features and pointed towards the far end of the play area. “Look daddy! That man’s taking pictures of us. Is he your friend?”

 Tom swallowed the curse he wanted to utter. He’d gotten used to being followed in London, known it was a part of his life he couldn’t entirely escape. But here…This, here, was a part of his life that was solely his. They had so much of him but this part, this was his. Forcing himself to calm and smile warmly at Jaime, he asked, “Why don’t we go back to Nan’s for a bit? I’m sure she’s got tea nearly ready.”

 Jaime didn’t seem wholly convinced but followed alongside Tom readily enough. Tom fought against the urge to turn and see if they were indeed being followed, as he strongly suspected they were. Jaime seemed mostly unconcerned, if not vaguely curious, about the photographers and they last thing Tom wanted was to scare the boy. He didn’t know if his son or Keira were bothered when he wasn’t around, Keira never mentioned and Tom was leery about bringing the subject up. They had been getting along over the last several weeks, despite Keira’s obvious frustration at this unwanted attention in her grandson’s life. Tom was loathe to do anything to rock the shaky peace they’d found.

 Tea was indeed waiting once they’d arrived at the house. If Keira noted Tom’s unease as he helped Jaime wash up, she refrained from commenting. Jaime ate with gusto, Tom and Keira watched sharing knowing looks. The boy very much took after Tom in his veracity when it came to food and talking it seemed. Once he’d inhaled his meal, Jaime babbled almost nonstop about the fun he’d had with Tom in the park and, to Tom’s discomfort, the funny man taking pictures. Keira nodded and smiled indulgently at the boy but her discomfort at the situation was clear.

 Once again, Tom cursed himself and the life he’d chosen to lead. Cursed how things that had no business in the public eye were thrown into it without warning simply because of their attachment to him. Luke had assured him that it was manageable and Tom knew enough of UK privacy laws to know that the papers couldn’t publish Jaime’s face without his consent…or at least the consent of his guardian and Keira would never allow it. But that didn’t mean he wouldn’t be followed. Pictures could tell stories and stories involving Tom seemed to sell for a great deal.

 When Keira had sent Jaime upstairs to wash up, Tom told her such. Tried his best to explain he would do whatever it took to keep Jaime safe. Keira listened with a reserved silence, her face unreadable. Something Eliza had clearly inherited from her; Tom could remember many a time he’d sat wondering just what was going on in Eliza’s mind when her face refused to tell him a thing. Once he’d finished, Keira told him she’d known in theory what allowing him into Jaime’s life would entail and that Eliza had known as well. Keeping the boy from his father hadn’t done any of them any good and while she hated the risks involved, she knew that Jaime deserved to have his father be a part of his life.

 “I don’t like this and I won’t pretend I do for either of our sakes, but I know it is what comes with the territory and you have proven yourself enough that I can trust you to put the needs of that little boy above your own. And that is why I won’t fight you on this, why I am agreeing to let you share custody. He is my grandson, but he is your son and this is, ultimately, what Eliza wanted.”

 And with that, the discussion was done. There was little point in rehashing any of it. What mattered now was Jaime and keeping him healthy, safe, and happy. While Tom’s life brought challenges, having him in Jaime’s life far outweighed any of those risks. And life went on as normally as possible. Tom spent as much time as he could with the boy as the dawning school year drew closer. It was to be Jaime’s first and he couldn’t have been more excited. He talked of nothing else; excited to make new friends and to learn as much as he could. It warmed Tom’s heart, seeing the boy’s clear love and desire to learn. He was such a mix of Tom and of his mother. And again Tom felt the familiar longing loss of what could have been had he or Eliza made different choices.

 The custody hearing concluded three weeks after the school year began, and for the most part the news was kept out of the papers (Luke was certainly worth his weight in gold and when Tom told him as much Luke joked and told him the bill would be sent right away then). Tom would share custody of his son with his grandmother while Keira would retain full physical custody for the time being with an understanding that in three years’ time a joint physical custody agreement would come into effect. Tom would have that time to rearrange his life as best he could to prepare. It would be easy enough to transition to more localized productions and it would give him the excuse to get back into his love of theatre. Visitation would be granted in an effort to ease Jaime into the idea of living at least part time with Tom.

 Both Tom and Keira agreed to wait until Jaime had settled as much as he could into his school routine before starting any overnight visitation with Tom in London. Day trips on the weekends and time spent overnight at Keira’s were about as adventurous as either felt Jaime needed right then. The boy had enough changes coming as it was to pile on anymore. Jaime took to these outings and times spent with his father like a duck to water. He loved spending time with Tom, loved talking to him about school and all he was learning while there. Tom, in turn, was grateful to see the boy thriving. Jaime had a way with people that was so much like his mother, and he rationalized, like himself. Nothing about their situation was perfect, but it was working and that was enough for now.

 Things became harder as the first anniversary of Eliza’s death drew near. Tom had been dreading the knowledge of it since he’d woken up that stormy morning in late September and realized with a sinking sense of pain and guilt just what the next week would mean. It would mean that it had been a year since he’d learned of her passing, a year since he’d lost the last vague hope of ever seeing her again, a year since Jaime had come so unexpectedly into his life. And in that year so much of his life had changed. Suddenly it wasn’t just him anymore, there was a little boy who needed him and he’d come to learn he needed him just as badly. So much good had come from something so painful.

 His mind turned to Jaime, wondering just how much the boy understood of what was coming. Jaime still spoke often of his mother and Tom knew he missed her more than he was able to say. He wondered what Keira had planned for herself and for Jaime and if he had any right to involve himself in those plans. Yes, he was a part of Jaime’s life now and yes Eliza had been someone he loved (and always would love) very deeply, but he hadn’t been a part of her life by his own selfish decisions. Keira had been incredibly close to her daughter and had her own loss to mourn. Intruding in that, especially if he wasn’t wanted was the last thing Tom had any desire to do.  

 It was therefore a surprise when his mobile rang on the eve of the anniversary of that painful day. He’d seen Keira’s number and for a brief moment considered sending the call to voicemail. He didn’t know just why she was reaching out and if it was to ask him to stay away, Tom wasn’t sure he would have the nerve, or the heart, to hear it. But what if it were Jaime calling…What if something had happened? Tom slid his finger across the glass screen and with trepidation answered.

 Keira’s voice was quiet, solemn, and he knew without a shadow of a doubt the memories of the person they had both lost were standing by her side. She did not ask him much, just to come by the house tomorrow. Jaime would need him, she’d said, and she believed he would need the boy as well. Tom had slept fitfully that night, memories and guilt swirling around him until he could not truly tell one from the other. He’d given up the ghost around four in the morning and had made his way down into the kitchen for coffee and something he hoped would distract him.                                                      

 His mobile sat on the counter where he must had dropped it after Keira’s call. He had no real memory of any of it and that was probably for the best. Jaime would need him to be strong today, even if the boy did not fully understand why. Tom sighed, waiting for the water in the kettle to boil. Out of habit he reached for his mobile, hitting the home button to wake up the screen. There was a message waiting for him in WhatsApp from Benedict. His newest son hadn’t quite mastered the art of sleeping through the night and it seemed Ben had drawn the short straw and was sitting up with him allowing his wife her much needed sleep.

 Tom smiled at the photograph of the little boy sat in his friend’s arms and fought to ignore the strange, pain of longing he felt. He would never have memories like that of Jaime and on most days he could live with that. He’d always known there were things out of his control, but sometimes that longing screamed in the back of his mind, so much time lost and for what?

 He hit the call button in the app without thinking and waited as it rang. “Tom? I didn’t think you’d be up yet.”

 Tom sighed, taking the kettle off the heat and pouring the water into the press. “Couldn’t really sleep. Saw your message and figured it would be safe to call.”

 Benedict chuckled, “Yes, sleep has been rather elusive on this end as well.”

 He placed the mobile on the counter, switching the device to speaker as he moved about finishing brewing his coffee. Through the tinny speakers Tom could hear the muffled grunts and squirming of the baby in his friend’s arms. “But it’s worth it, is it not?”

 “Oh yes, even when it feels like you’ll go mad, it’s worth it.” There was a slight hesitation before Benedict spoke again “Tom?”

 “Hm?”

 “Do you want to talk about it?”

Tom sighed, taking a sip from the mug in his hand. He grimaced at the heat, grateful though for the moment it gave him to decide how to respond. Briefly, he considered brushing off Benedict’s invitation to talk, the last thing he wanted to do was unload on his already sleep deprived friend. But he couldn’t do it, not when he knew Ben’s offer was genuine. He was one of the first people, outside of his family and his team, Tom had opened up to after learning of Jaime. And Benedict had been a sympathetic ear, offering both his ear and his counsel when required.

 He knew that Benedict was well aware of the significance of the day to come and knowing had offered Tom a quiet hand in a way he knew his stubborn friend would accept. What he’d ever done to be worthy of such a friend, Tom would never know, but he was eternally grateful.

 It didn’t take long for the thoughts and fears which had plagued him to come tumbling from Tom’s lips. Just saying the words aloud felt like a giant weight had been lifted from him. Even though there was nothing Ben could really do. Nothing he could really do about any of it other than simply do what needed to be done.

 The call ended as sunlight began to pour through the kitchen window. His coffee had long since gone cold and Benedict, to his credit, could no longer pass off his yawning as a one off. With a sleeping infant in his arms, Benedict wished him well. “If I don’t sleep now, he’ll be up again and so will his older brother and sleep will be something that happens to more fortunate souls.”

 Laughing, Tom bid his friend a pleasant sleep and surrounded once more by the silence of his kitchen, sighed. The clock on the stove read twenty-seven minutes past six. Keira hadn’t said how early he should come but if he showered and left within the half hour he could be at her’s around the time Jaime would be waking up. Mind made up, he placed the still full but now stone cold coffee by the microwave and jogged out of the kitchen and up the stairs to at a time.

 Twenty minutes later he was clean and back in the kitchen to reheat his coffee. No sense in letting the brew go to waste and he desperately needed the caffeine. Wincing as he pulled the now steaming mug from the microwave and dumped its contents into the travel mug his mother had bought him last Christmas (“you drink enough of the blasted stuff so you might as well have something decent to carrying it in when you’re dashing about”). Shoving his mobile in his pocket, Tom jogged to the door, grabbed his keys from the hall table and made his way out into the bright sunlight.

 Keira had clearly been expecting his early arrival Tom discovered as he found her waiting at the door as he pulled into her drive. She nodded at him and he did so in return. This was going to be a rough day for all of them.

 “Thank you for coming,” she whispered as she pulled the door shut behind him.

 “Thank you for having me.” He didn’t know what else to say. What else could he say? He shed his coat, hanging it on an empty arm of the hall tree. The sound of footfalls above signaled Jaime’s imminent arrival and Tom steadied himself to become whatever his son would need him to be.

NEXT

[him-e]

anon asks:

Hi! I really enjoy your asoiaf m/eta - I was wondering, do you think that Jaime is on his best way to become Tywins "true heir", a scenario in which Brienne has a role similar to Joanna's? I.e. Jaime's genuine affection for her becomes his only sympathetic quality in the end, much like Tywin's genuine love for his wife appears to have been is only truly likable trait? Not to reduce Brienne (or Joanna) to that alone, but it would emphasize Jaime's doom and her rise nicely.

Hi, thank you! A couple things first, before I sink my teeth into the rest:

a) this is in no way an objective statement, but no matter how his arc ends, even if it goes the darkest way possible, Jaime has plenty of sympathetic traits (not necessarily qualities, mind) that allow me to find him relatable, and this makes him ALREADY incomparable with Tywin;

b) I don’t believe in love being a sympathetic quality or a mitigating factor per se, and I don’t think people who love are necessarily one step closer to *goodness* than people who don’t. For example, while I don’t see Stannis as necessarily incapable of love—I quite like the idea that under his stern facade there’s a lot of feelings, for his child, for Jon, for Davos, and maybe even for Melisandre, on top of his complex issues with his own brothers—even if we stick to the interpretation of Stannis as a loveless character, I don’t think this diminishes his fundamental goodness. On the other hand, there are the Lannisters, who are fifty shades of questionable, but they ALLL love so much!

The truth is that anyone can feel love. It’s not that special, you know? It’s just a human emotion—powerful, but not inherently moral. Not intrinsically a virtue, an end to be pursued at all costs, in itself and for itself, as traditional romantic narratives would want you to believe.

This is particularly true for a character like Jaime, who has been established as a lover since his first notable appearance in the books.

“The things I do for love (he said with loathing)” is probably his most iconic line, and it’s no coincidence that it’s associated to the TERRIBLEST, EVILEST THING he’s ever done (no irony). Jaime's debut in asoiaf is tied to the concept that lovers aren’t ALWAYS right just because they love, and to some extent the character himself is aware of it ("loathing” refers not to Bran, whom Jaime has really no reason to loathe lol, but to “the things I do”, aka the repulsive action he’s about to commit in the name of his love for Cersei). So the idea that Jaime’s ~one and only~ sympathetic quality can be his love for Brienne, when loving is both his original sin and virtually the only thing he’s done in his life, doesn’t work for me. (you might argue: but Jaime’s love for Cersei is incestuous and Badwrong, and Cersei herself is Bad whereas Brienne is Good! yeah, I think that line of reasoning is a slippery slope, because it places all the emphasis and the responsibility on who you love rather than how you love, as if the moral fiber and ~appropriateness~ of the object of your love is what makes your love noble. Mind, this is a very courtly-romance logic, so it’s nothing especially offensive, but I still don’t like its implications. It runs a bit too close to “bad people don’t deserve to be loved” to suit me).

with that said…

denying the centrality of love in these novels would be a terrible mistake. George is a romantic, and his attitude towards some romantic tropes isn’t deconstructionist at all, but rather a vibrant (albeit complex) celebration of them. Yet not all fictional depictions of romantic love are equal: I think Jaime/Brienne and Tywin/Joanna belong to two different genres. 

Jaime/Brienne is essentially a fairytale. It’s, of course, Beauty and the Beast. A tale about transformative love—love as acceptance of the other, love as understanding of the other, love as healing, love as the driving force for a radical viewpoint shift, a change of attitude and lifestyle (symbolized in the original tale by the physical metamorphosis of the Beast), love as having an actual positive impact on the world. As everyone knows, Martin loves the trope and makes it integral, more or less subtly, to several dynamics throughout the books. It has been stated repeatedly, even by the author himself, that Jaime and Brienne is one of those; the only question is whether there will be a subversion, and to which degree. Personally I’ve always seen as subversive the way GRRM gets rid of the problematic goodness = beauty equation (that exists in the original because fairytales are highly archetypal and symbolic and they rely heavily on simple visual associations, but they’re also inevitably intertwined with societal/cultural biases and the primordial fear of the imperfect and the deviant) and throws in the mix a Beauty who is actually Super Ugly! and a Beast who is a splendid, glorious, golden lion. When the Beauty is the Beast and the Beast is the Beauty, and the gender stereotypes inherent to the trope are repeatedly broken, the metamorphosis is necessarily mutual.

Can this fairytale have a tragic ending? Absolutely. Martin is a master at this—it’s actually what his deconstruction is about, taking fantasy/fairytale tropes and adapting them to completely different genres, causing that sort of cognitive dissonance in the reader, who isn’t used to see THAT trope take THAT form (see: “Martin kills all the heroes!”). However, whatever the deconstruction at work is in JB’s case, i doubt it will end up completely negating the transformative nature of the trope itself. But let’s set this aside for now, because it’s not relevant to the discussion.

Tywin/Joanna is different in genre, scope, meaning, basic tropes. To begin with, I don’t see Joanna as the Beauty to Tywin’s Beast. There’s no clash between two conflicting worldviews here; their love isn’t of the transformative kind, it’s a love that cemented their established identity, rather than challenge it. I think this pairing is written around a completely different cluster of tropes—the power couple, the “behind a powerful man there’s always a powerful woman”, and the dead mother/wife. I like to think of Joanna’s death as transformative in the sense that it represents the loss of the feminine---it creates an unbalance in an already awfully masculine-coded family, whose aftershocks still affect the lives of all her children even decades later. In short, Tywin/Joanna is a tragedy.

(seriously: if you’re looking for a parallel to Tywin/Joanna in Jaime’s narrative, a “humanizing the monster” kind of love, look no further than Jaime/Cersei. Jaime’s love for Cersei humanizes him, and Cersei’s love for Jaime (and her children) humanizes her. Unfortunately, the narrative makes it clear that theirs is a (figuratively) sterile, doomed kind of love. Like in a greek tragedy, we feel sympathy as we clutch our chests in anticipation for its inevitable collapse. Fate did to Tywin/Joanna what a downward spiral of irreconcilable differences, deep-seated grudges and destructive actions did to Jaime/Cersei, but the end point is equally tragic.)

Also: Jaime’s BATB dynamic with Brienne is not a “sympathetic” footnote squeezed in between his villain arc A and villain arc B, nor something that can be reduced to “his only likable trait” and waved off. It’s a crucial aspect of his arc (and Brienne’s, who is—let’s not forget—a major player from AFFC on) and has ramifications on the overall plot (Oathkeeper, sending Brienne after Sansa, Lady Stoneheart, not to mention the discussion around honor and oaths that is a central theme in asoiaf). It’s not a coincidence that Jaime is introduced as a pov only after he meets Brienne. This dynamic is integral to the story George is telling.

In comparison, Joanna (and by extension Tywin/Joanna) is something that belongs to the past, and only affects our story indirectly. It’s a dead character and a dead relationship. And that’s what marks the biggest differences, not only with Jaime/Brienne but also with Jaime/Cersei. Joanna, in the context of the narrative, is remarkable for her ABSENCE. It’s her death, the void that she created much more than her life, that has an impact on the characters. It doesn’t help that Tywin, the one person who’s able to remember her as a fully fledged human being, isn’t a pov either. GRRM gives us only scraps, and it’s up to those of us who care to put together the pieces of the puzzle of who Joanna used to be. This is, of course, a despicably convenient treatment of a female character on the author’s part, even more despicable since it’s not an isolate case in asoiaf. There’s no easier way than a dead mother to fabricate a sad background for your protagonist, and it also solves the problem of making her fit within the narrative, giving her an actual personality and things to do, etc. We expect better from a writer of Martin’s calibre, and that’s where the criticism comes from.

But lazy sexist writing aside, why does George give us so little?

I think it’s (in no small part) because he understands the power of certain romantic tropes, how they seduce the reader’s imagination—how humanizing they are. Tywin’s love for Joanna and Joanna’s love for Tywin, if explored in depth, would humanize Tywin to the nth degree.

But Tywin isn’t supposed to be given the sympathetic treatment. Of course, GRRM knows better than make him a cardboard villain, so he gives him nuance, he gives him contradictions, among which there’s a dead wife he loved fiercely. But he doesn’t flesh it out. He doesn’t give us a detailed story, only scattered bits and pieces, generally second and third hand information. This relationship isn’t made for the stage but for behind the curtains, because Tywin’s ~feelings~ need to remain veiled and largely inaccessible to us, just as his inner monologue is: we aren’t supposed to sympathize.

Jaime, on the other hand? Jaime gets a pov and TWO romantic relationships fleshed out in depth, one of which is a BATB dynamic with a heroine. His heart is on stage for everyone to see in a way Tywin’s heart isn’t—cannot be. I think it’s essential to recognize that Jaime and Tywin occupy different spaces in the narrative, and their potential to be seen as sympathetic characters is largely different. It’s hard for me not to see authorial intent in the way Jaime is perceived VS how Tywin is perceived.

This brings me to the other question you raised, if Jaime is on his way to become Tywin’s true heir. I can only try to answer this is by looking at what motivates him, at what could be a significant and satisfying resolution of the issues his character raises. 

Jaime never cared for power but, like every Lannister, he strives for greatness. Now that that greatness is unachievable through his swordfighting skills, he’s looking in other directions, other possible fields to excel in. One of those is certainly Tywin: family. The other is knighthood: his other family. Both failed him, and he failed them both. The way Jaime failed knighthood is obvious to everyone, but the way he failed his ~responsibility~ towards house Lannister is subtler: by trading his birthright for a place at Cersei’s side, he basically washed his hands clean, giving Tywin free rein to further hate and abuse Tyrion in an escalation of desperate and delusional attempts to avert the latter’s ascension as heir to Casterly Rock, that climaxed with Tyrion being accused of regicide and Tywin’s death. There’s a great image in Jaime’s narrative, of the crimson and gold Lannister sigil VS the white shield of the kingsguard, but the real question isn’t which one Jaime will eventually /choose/... it’s whether he’ll ever realize he can be NEITHER. 

The great lion of Lannister? That’s Tyrion. Every attempt to turn the clock back is futile. The Rock is Tyrion’s by right since the moment Jaime chose to step back and join the Kingsguard for life.

And the white shield… is Brienne. It’s always been her.

a scenario in which Brienne has a role similar to Joanna’s […] would emphasize Jaime’s doom and her rise nicely

But is Jaime Tywin in this scenario, or is he Joanna?

Because Joanna died so that Tywin could rise as the character we all know (once again, I side-eye the idea of Joanna being Tywin’s “conscience” or her death being his ~villain origin story~, but it certainly made him more unbalanced). For the parallel to work, Brienne has to die for Jaime to rise (as a true villain, as his father’s heir, as Cersei’s valonqar, whatever), which has been speculated, and which I’m aggressively AGAINST. Because Brienne is the next generation, Brienne is a character who can have a REAL positive impact on the world, while Jaime… let’s be real, Jaime is a relic. He’s a relic of Robert’s rebellion, of a time that doesn’t exist anymore. The “Greatness” ship has sailed for him long ago: 

he’s never going to do anything as remarkable and controversial as murdering Aerys (oh sure, there’s Cersei, but I wouldn’t consider killing her an accomplishment. A mediocre rehash of his one and only teenage hit, at best)

he’s never going to be Arthur Dayne, either. Who the fuck wants to be Arthur Dayne anyway? That guy kept a pregnant girl prisoner. Being THAT guy would be only a regression for Jaime. He understood that there are orders you can’t follow at seventeen, why should he revert to performing his duty uncritically at thirty-five?

oh, and of course, he’s not going to outmatch Tywin. DUH, he’s TRYING, but it isn’t a primary concern or a central motivation for him the way it is for Cersei, for example. Everything he accomplishes in his military campaign in the Riverlands, he does only because people fear Tywin’s shadow, not his own. We can talk until next week about whether the trebuchet threat crowns him as Tywin’s true successor, or is actually a strategy more similar to the way Jon and Dany (and Ned) use their enemies’ children to maintain THEIR peace terms (which are fair and righteous whereas Jaime’s aren’t, and that makes all the difference of the world, or not, ymmv!), but what really matters is how his military campaign ends: he dumps garrison, orders and all without a note as soon as girlfriend shows up with a missing cheek and a quest to fulfill. It’s not that he lacks the intelligence or the ferocity to follow Tywin’s steps—he lacks the resolve. He lacks the commitment, because he’s always, perpetually, split in two.

I think it’s that split, and his ultimately futile attempts to become great at one thing or the other when BOTH are no longer available for him, that is the central obstacle that Jaime needs to overcome. Because Jaime wants Honor and Glory, but you know what Honor and Glory are?

Two horses.

Enter the valonqar impasse, and a lot of speculation on Jaime focuses on how he will ~choose violence~. He’ll drop all pretenses of honor, forget about Goldenhand the Just, (optionally) embrace his role as a Lannister commander and dig his own grave in a pointless, doomed last stand to hold Casterly Rock from Tyrion’s attack, and when it falls, kill Cersei and himself. And to be honest, a lot of this sounds plausible enough—I think it’s almost a given that at some point he goes back to Casterly Rock, has a last confrontation with Tyrion, and yeah, likely kills Cersei. 

But it’s a tad too close to Tywin’s wishes to suit me: sure, Tywin would never want Jaime to kill Cersei and commit suicide, but would he want him to defend Casterly Rock against Tyrion? Fuck yes. He’d be DELIGHTED to see Jaime step up as his ~heir~ and fight against his own paranoia of Tyrion the monster child eating the Rock from the inside just like he devoured Joanna’s life. The greatest irony about Tywin is that the kid he wanted to be his heir couldn’t be more ill-suited for the role, whereas it’s the other two—the girl and the dwarf—who deserve to claim that role for themselves. Why change that in the end? More to the point, how does Brienne factor in this? What kind of impact does she leave? Jaime’s resolve to embrace his role as the heir to Lannister does not, in any shape or form, need Brienne to happen. Nor does his choice to fight against Tyrion, or to murder Cersei. Tyrion confessed Joffrey’s murder, and the relationship with Cersei was meant to go to shit since the moment Jaime lost his hand and stopped being her perfect mirror, possibly even earlier. Remove Brienne from Jaime’s entire timeline, and you still have basically the same arc. OF COURSE, Brienne’s importance on the story doesn’t hinge on her impact on Jaime’s narrative. But I wonder what’s the point---like, structurally---of writing a BATB dynamic where transformative love is a crucial aspect, and end it with “and so they parted ways and each one continued to do the shit THEY WERE GOING TO DO ANYWAY, Brienne as the knight who believes in vows and Jaime as... whatever Jaime’s up to”. Bruh, what a waste of narrative space.

And this is where I switch to purely speculative/wish fulfillment mode, so, HANDLE WITH CAUTION, lol. I think Jaime will reject both Honor and Glory and die as the Kingslayer, as nobody’s heir, as the Lannister who lost the Rock, unredeemed… in the eyes of everyone but us, and whoever will be holding his hand in the last moment.

A few weeks ago, I went to see Logan. As I watched Wolverine sacrifice himself so that his daughter and the new generation of heroes could, well, inherit the world, so that they could have a chance for redemption when it’s too late for him, I thought, THIS, this is I want from Jaime. To die, but not before he’s pushed HIS heir forward, the person who will save the world, who will be the hero he cannot be. To “plant seeds in a garden you never get to see”. Unlike Joanna, who had no choice in this nor any idea of how important Tyrion was going to be for the world, I want it to be Jaime’s decision. This is the only way we can go back to “the things I do for love” and redeem that statement.

Because it’s that statement, even more than Jaime himself, that needs redemption. What matters isn’t the “for love” part, it’s the “do”. See, Jaime has already done something unequivocally good for love. He jumped in a bearpit and saved Brienne. So why are we still having this debate? Because, well, the scope of that action was limited to him and Brienne, to that particular circumstance, and to the relationship between them. There’s still something egotistical in saving the life of someone you care for—it’s still a “I’m doing this because you are important to ME” logic. Me, me, me. The real heroism, the real sacrifice, is renouncing to the person you love—renouncing to your “dream of spring”, so that others can have it. It’s what Brienne does, when asked “sword or noose”. It DESTROYS her, but she INSTANTLY gets that her feelings of loyalty, devotion and, yes, love for Jaime are no justification for letting two innocent people die.

AND THIS IS WHAT MAKES HER THE REAL DEAL, FOLKS.

We still have to see how Jaime receives the choice she made. Badly, some argue, he’ll be pissed and she’ll fall from grace in his eyes, because what else can the Lady Stoneheart ordeal be if not a plot device to make Jaime go finally berserk, a set up for the valonqar? But I think the whole incident is going to leave Jaime genuinely Shook (TM). Not only because he’s suddenly getting all the receipts of why he’s a bad person in his face, not only because he’ll see what his father’s brilliant military logic has done to a formerly admirable woman like Catelyn, but also because Brienne’s lesson will HURT the way TRUTH hurts. He’s a person who’s sacrificed a lot for love, thinking it was worthwhile; Brienne’s choice will prove that it’s not. That he should have sacrificed his love to do the right thing, instead.

You need to serve something greater than your own emotions. This is the most important of Brienne’s lessons, and I think there’s a possibility that Jaime actually UNDERSTANDS it, because that would be the ULTIMATE change, for him. (so powerful that it could potentially break that thrice damned prophecy, even.) To see that his feelings, desires, hopes and dreams aren’t important. It’s neither Honor nor Glory, and in the end, it’s not even Love. It’s about doing the right thing, full stop.

I realize this is very fanficcy, but boy, do I love Jaime Lannister and want his arc to end in a not completely nihilistic way. :)

(sorry it took me so long!)

[ysreen]

Shadowhunters season 2

I’m writing this here but this will probably never be seen but still, I need to get this off my chest!!

WHAT THE HELL IS FREEFORM DOING?

I am a huuuuuuuuge fan of Cassandra Clare’s stories, mainly TMI/TID - I don’t even want to read TDA, Emma’s not a character interesting enough for me. 

I watched the season 1 of the TV show because it is Shadowhunters, a universe I love. I did, in spite of my enormous disappointment with a big part of the cast. I watched it, with the hope that they wouldn’t destroy the essence of the series.... Season one didn’t destroy it, but it scratched it pretty bad, with a lot of nonsense and a Doll-like Clarissa and a Football-team-captain Jace, a so not French-looking Camille Belcourt (Shall I remind someone that she is supposed to be a beautiful blond haired blue eyed woman? They got the beautiful part, but she looks more like a latino than a Frenchie from the court of King Louis XIV, just saying). Lydia (never mentioned in the books) and Alec’s wedding was only fan service and useless ploot-wise. The revelation about Alec’s sexual orientation should have happened like in the books, because it’s at a very very important moment. The return of Jocelyn to life was messed up as well. But these were the worst parts for the season 1.

Now moving on to season 2: Freeform is butchering the show. I know it is not supposed to copy the books. But as the main fanbase is the one who’s familiar with the original story, they could have done much better than this unnameable BS! Jocelyn dying in episode 4? Sorry what? Jocelyn is present in the very last pages of the last book!!!!!! Jace and Clarissa meeting Ithuriel BEFORE another veeeeery primordial character’s apparition?? Oh no, gosh no!!!!! It’s total nonsense! Izzy getting high on Yin Fen? What? Okay that’s cute to put a reference to Jem and TID here, but that’s plain stupid and doesn't bring anything to the story. Too many characters being Out of Character since episode one. I’m watching until the end, and I will watch the next season if they do another. But only out of curiosity, and with the slimmer-by-the-day hope that they will salvage the show and get it back on track eventually.

There was a lot of negative criticism after the movie was released, but every Book’s fan has to admit that it was a lot lot lot more faithful to the original story. All the characters were looking their age - with a lot of issues in their appearance, sure, but still. At the very least Lily didn’t look like she was ready to walk the red carpet on a regular basis, unlike Katherine with her perfect make up and curls. Jaime was able to bring the real sass of Jace, including some pick-up lines, and there was some chemistry between him and Lily. Jonathan Rhys Meyer may have looked too young and as far as possible from the original look of Valentine, but he had the attitude. Alan is doing a good job too, and that’s probably the best character of the whole TV show alongside Izzy. Dorothea was an old possessed witch, and not some sort of sister-like figure to Clarissa... Hodge was a graying bookworm, not some badass young fighter... There are so many disturbing things in the TV show I can’t even list them all.... Inquisitor Herondale coming in season 1??? whaaaat? She’s so very important a character that it was insane to bring her in so early! 

Another thing, and I am going to get beaten I’m sure: they put to many emphasis on Alec and Magnus’ relationship. It’s pure fanservice here too, and that’s a filler for the plot holes they created. It was supposed to be a cat and mouse relationship. Not a full-on “I crash your wedding and you kiss me in front of the whole Clave and then you come to my home and we make out some more then argue then make up and repeat”. They are leaving out too many important parts (Alec’s jealousy over his previous lovers and Magnus’ temper are just barely hinted when it is supposed to be the axis of the relationship between them).

I have seen a lot of adaptations from books. A lot. But... this...thing... is by far, the worst of the worst ever done. It just looks like they took the six books, and picked random pages while blindfolded and then tried to put them together... 

You may hear a lot of hate in here, and as well you should. The only thing keeping me watching is the universe it comes from. 

As a final note, I am currently wondering if they are going to add J.C Morgenstern (better known as....)  in the TV show... Because the events right now sure don’t give a clue... And IF they do, AND miscast the actor, their is going to be a riot... because even as an antagonist, he is one of the most loved characters of the whole franchise..... 

That will be all. (for now)