#I want to break into their world and experience it too
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Only When It's Us ,, JJK
jungkook's pov as your boyfriend (smut)
— drabble based on this ask !!
jungkook loves you.
he always has, and he knows he always will.
when the talking stage finally ended after six long but meaningful months, it felt like a natural step forward. neither of you had rushed it; instead, you took your time, learning every little thing about each other. it was worth it, and now, he’s grateful every day that you both let things unfold at your own pace.
dating you feels like a dream he never wants to wake up from. he doesn’t care what it takes— if he has to fight for you, he will. if he has to break down everything or walk through fire, nothing will stop him. he’d let the world burn if it meant staying by your side.
because to him, you’re worth everything.
he just fucking loves you that much.
he loves the way you look at him, the way your eyes seem to hold a thousand unspoken words. with just a glance, you can unravel him completely, peeling away his walls without even trying. it leaves him feeling vulnerable, but in a way that feels safe, because, well... it’s you.
jungkook loves it when he gets to touch you, to feel every part of you. to feel his body pressed against yours, moving with a rhythm that feels like it was made just for the two of you. every gasp that escapes your lips, every moan that tumbles out when you cling to him— it’s like a sweet melody to his ears, a symphony he never wants to end.
he watches you beneath him, your back arching as you whisper his name in a voice so soft yet so full of need that it sends shivers down his spine.
“j-jungkook..,” you gasp.
your body trembles as he teases your sensitive clit with the cool ice cube. his gaze holds yours captive, drinking in the sight of you writhing beneath him in desperate need.
"like that, baby?" jungkook murmurs huskily, his deep voice sending vibrations through you. he watches intently for your reaction, a knowing smirk playing on his lips as he sees you nod, biting back a whimper.
he grins when you react positively to the cold sensation. the ice feels strange but good on your pussy. it's a new experience and one you're enjoying thanks to jungkook's suggestion. he was right— you love how the chilly cube stimulates you.
he sets it aside, the cube slowly melting and soaking the sheets but neither of you care.
he leans down, his lips finding yours in a kiss that’s tender and urgent, pouring all his love into it. your hands grip his shoulders, nails pressing into his skin as you try to steady yourself.
the way you look at him; half-lidded eyes filled with nothing but trust and love, completely undoes him. it’s overwhelming and addictive. and the way your body responds to his... it makes him fall in love with you all over again.
“you’re so perfect,” he murmurs, his forehead pressed against yours. “i love you so fucking much.”
“i love you, baby,” you whisper, your fingers slide down his back, clutching at him as if you need him to keep you steady, to keep you grounded in the moment.
he groans softly, the sound deep and raw, reverberating through his chest. he loves the way you say it, like the words are meant only for him, like he’s the only one who could ever make you feel this way. it drives him wild. the way your voice shakes, the way your body reacts to his touch. it’s almost too much, and yet he craves even more.
“fuck, turn around,” he says, his hands trail down your sides, guiding you gently but firmly. the way he says it leaves no room for doubt; he wants you. needs you. and he’s not holding back.
you comply, your body moving in perfect sync with his as you turn onto your stomach, your cheek pressed against the pillow. his hands glide over your back, caressing the curve of your waist, his touch igniting every nerve in your body. he leans down, his lips brushing against the back of your neck, leaving slow, openmouthed kisses that send shivers down your spine.
“you’re so beautiful,” he murmurs, his voice soft and filled with love. his hands find your hips, gripping them and, pulling you closer to him. he rubs your clit from behind which makes you moan into the pillow. he curses under his breath and doesn't waste a second to enter you. and when he starts moving, the sensation is even deeper, more intimate, and it takes your breath away.
the way he fills you, the way he moves against you, it’s overwhelming in the best possible way. you let out a broken moan, his name spilling from your lips like a prayer, and he groans in response, his grip on you tightening.
“just like that,” he breathes “you feel so good, baby… so good,”
his thrusts grow harder, faster, the sound of skin slapping against skin filling the room. he can feel his thick length stretching you, hitting all the right spots inside you.
“f-fuck baby, so fucking pretty— god, you’re the most beautiful woman i’ve ever seen,” he growls into your ear, his voice low and rough as he pounds into you from behind. one hand grips your hip tightly, guiding you back onto him, while the other rests on your neck, firm but never rough, just enough to hold you in place.
“y-you’ve seen other women?” you gasp out, your voice breathy but still trying to tease him.
the corner of his mouth tugs up into a smirk before he presses his chest to your back, his lips brushing your ear. “no other woman could ever compare to you, baby,” he murmurs
his hand trails down from your neck to cup your breast, his fingers brushing over your nipple as he whispers, “you’re a goddess. the prettiest damn thing i’ve ever laid eyes on.”
“all fucking mine,” he mutters, more to himself than to you.
“what about you? are... are you mine?" you manage to gasp out between moans, your voice trembling a little.
and wiithout missing a beat, he responds, his lips pressed against your ear, "all yours, baby. every fucking inch of me is yours,”
you turn just enough for him to see your satisfied smile.
and he absolutely loves the way his heart flutters every single time you smile, like it’s the first time he’s ever seen it. it might sound cliché, but he doesn’t care. to him, there’s nothing and no one else.
he just wants you.
always.
and wants to see only you for the rest of his life.
note: i hope i did some justice.. this was supposed to be a drabble 😣
📜 series taglist: @deepikhaprakash @rjooniesdimples @wombatkitten127 @minaateez @myjungkookthighs
💌 permanent taglist: @internetrando64 @jkvias @lovieku @deluluisdasolulu @ddanasjk @onlyforyoukook @diamondjeon @nnybtitts08 @lil0u0 @butnotmontana @fr0ggieth1nk @minimoninini @whoa-jo @lola75111 @iswearimover5feetall @rispwr @genevieveeeee
@134340-kr @mar-lo-pap @fluttershypoo @kyuupii @https-mei @elinaki92 @jungkookmyoneandonlybaby @hoseokteardrop @winterbeartaehyungbestboy @jaykay-world @jmscaffeine @libra04 @beigerin @nikidream24 @svnbangtansworld @mimi1097 @kookoo-kachoo @junecat18 @iheartchanelle
#jeon jungkook#fanfic#jungkook smut#jeon jungkook x reader#smut#jungkook x you#bts jungkook#bts fanfiction#bts smut
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I think one of my favorite things about Blitzø is how feral cat-coded he is.
He was dumped on his own at too young an age without resources. He's an outcast with a rough past, used to relying on his own wit and tenacity to survive. He's energetic and determined. He bends/breaks rules as he deems necessary. His circus past gives him good balance/coordination (except for his goofy faceplants).
His tail swishes. He bites. He purrs.
Like a feral cat, he perceives most of the world as ready to hurt him and lashes out, often afraid of introspection. And he refuses to acknowledge when he's dangerously out of his level in a conflict.
It also takes a lot for him to realize when someone is, in fact, genuine. The world wants to hurt people, and he's constantly waiting for it to try again.
But when he does understand someone, or when he sees enough of himself in them, he doesn't need the claws anymore. He is all about nuzzles and cuddles and purrs and an absurd level of undying faith and protectiveness. Like a cat, his loyalty and affection are things he has to decide on himself. But once they're there, they're as upfront and outright as his self-defenses.
IDK I don't have anywhere special to go with this. As someone who's had a lot of experience with feral/found stray cats, I really came to appreciate his character so much the further I got into the show. Perhaps this is just a response to those people who feel his supportive nature with Stolas at the end of S2 'came out of nowhere.' Maybe they haven't had the same experience I have? Blitzø is that beaten up street cat who hisses and claws when you try to help or be kind to him, even though he badly needs help and kindness. But underneath all that is the Blitzø that wants to follow you home, swat at the other cats to protect you, and be your biggest cheerleader. Just, very stray cat coded. And I love it.
EDIT: OH you know what barn animals tend to befriend horses (Blitzø's animal obsession), to the extent of sleeping on their backs sometimes?
Yeah, cats.
#helluva boss#helluvaverse#helluva boss blitzø#helluva boss blitzo#helluva boss blitz#blitzo#blitzø#helluva blitzo#helluva blitz#character analysis#he's just like a cat your honor#purring blitzo is best blitzo
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hi! may i request shidou ryusei with the 🍓 and🍭 <33
ofc!
a shidou ryusei strawberry lollipop :)
જ⁀♡⊹。° what am i to do ?
♡ a/n — for my more than a married couple event :)
♡ content — shidou ryusei x gn! reader, gn! reader, reader has strong feelings for shidou, set in high school, unrequited love :)
♡ synopsis — shidou ryusei was like a hurricane of chaos, and you weren't sure your feelings would survive the hit.
You should’ve known something was up when Shidou Ryusei's name appeared next to yours on the list of marriage simulation partners.
The universe had a cruel sense of humor, pairing you with the one person you’d spent the past few years trying not to fall for.
But it was Shidou—a human hurricane, all sharp smiles and chaotic energy. You’d been swept up in his orbit long before this simulation ever began, even though you knew better.
For someone like him, love wasn’t a slow burn. It was an explosion. And you were terrified of being caught in the aftermath.
The first day in the shared apartment was like stepping into a storm.
“Yo, partner,” Shidou drawled, leaning casually against the doorframe with a cocky grin. “You ready to play house, or what?”
You rolled your eyes, dragging your suitcase inside. “It’s only for a week, Shidou. Try not to get too comfortable.”
“Oh, I’m plenty comfortable already,” he shot back, tossing his duffel bag onto the couch. “The real question is—are you ready for this?”
He gestured vaguely between the two of you, a wicked glint in his eye.
You didn’t dignify that with a response.
Living with Shidou was...an experience.
He had no concept of personal space, always lounging too close or draping an arm around your shoulders like it was the most natural thing in the world.
“Relax,” he’d say whenever you stiffened under his touch. “You act like I bite or something.”
You knew better than to entertain him with a response.
But it wasn’t just the teasing.
It was the quiet moments, too—the rare glimpses of vulnerability that he never let anyone else see.
Like when he’d stay up late after dinner, staring at the city lights through the window, lost in thought. Or when he’d talk about his dream of being the best striker in the world, his voice softer than usual.
Those moments were what made it so hard to keep your feelings in check.
One evening, the two of you were tasked with planning a mock anniversary dinner for the simulation.
Shidou, naturally, insisted on making it “interesting.”
“C’mon,” he said, dragging you into the kitchen. “Let’s cook something fancy. How hard can it be?”
As it turned out, it was very hard.
An hour later, the kitchen was a disaster zone, and Shidou was laughing so hard he could barely stand.
“Okay, okay,” he said between gasps. “So maybe cooking isn’t my thing.”
You couldn’t help but laugh, too, despite the mess.
In moments like this, it was easy to forget that this wasn’t real—that none of this meant anything to him.
As the weeks went on, you found yourself getting more and more tangled in Shidou’s web.
Every playful remark, every fleeting touch—it all felt like something more than it was.
And you hated yourself for it.
Because no matter how much you wanted to believe otherwise, you knew that Shidou wasn’t capable of the kind of love you were looking for.
The breaking point came during one of the program’s mandatory relationship check-ins.
The counselor asked the two of you to describe what you’d learned about each other during the simulation.
You hesitated, unsure of what to say.
But Shidou, as always, didn’t hold back.
“I’ve learned that you’re way too serious,” he said with a grin. “But that’s okay. Someone’s gotta keep me in check, right?”
The room erupted in laughter, and you forced a smile, playing along.
But deep down, his words felt like a slap in the face.
Because while you were falling for him, he was just playing a role.
On the final night of the simulation, the two of you sat on the couch, flipping through the stack of photos from your tasks.
“Not bad,” Shidou said, holding up a picture of the two of you from the anniversary dinner. “We almost look like a real couple.”
“Yeah,” you said quietly, your chest tightening.
He glanced at you, his expression unreadable. “Hey. What’s with the long face? You’re not actually gonna miss me, are you?”
You forced a laugh, brushing it off. “Don’t flatter yourself.”
But the truth was, you didn’t know how to let him go.
As you packed up the next morning, Shidou leaned casually against the doorway, watching you.
“Y’know,” he said, his voice unusually soft, “you’re not half bad at this whole ‘marriage’ thing.”
You looked up at him, your heart aching. “Thanks, I guess.”
For a moment, it felt like he was going to say something else—something important.
But then he smirked, breaking the tension. “Don’t miss me too much, okay? I’ll see you around.”
And just like that, he was gone, leaving you alone with your thoughts.
Weeks later, you saw him on TV, scoring the winning goal for his team.
He grinned into the camera, all sharp edges and uncontainable energy, and you couldn’t help but smile, too.
Because even though he’d never been yours, a part of you would always belong to him.
And maybe—just maybe—that was enough.
he is the SILLIEST BILLY!!
i hope you liked it!
likes, comments, and reblogs are appreciated!
#★ · airybcbyy#airy answers asks :)#airy posts#blue lock#bllk x reader#bllk#blue lock x reader#shidou ryusei x reader#ryusei shidou#shidou x reader#ryusei x reader#bllk shidou#bllk shidou ryusei#blue lock shidou#blue lock shidou ryusei
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Can you tell us more about the snow OCs? What are their names? What do they do besides riding horses?
the two knights are called Cäcilia & Caliott, theyre siblings and their family has been close to the queen for many generations. the princess is Kokoro and her brother doesnt have a name yet lol. In their kingdom its been snowing non-stop for thousands of years and basically the whole population lives in a giant castle the size of a city cause everything else is kind of uninhabitable. caliott & the prince are about the same age (early 20s), cäcilia is in her late 20s/early 30s, and the princess is younger, maybe 14. the prince has been missing for about 3 years at that point, the place he went missing can only be entered every few years under specific circumstances. because he didnt make it back in time and non of the people that got sent after him ever came back either hes mostly presumed dead. now's the first time since then that the place can be entered again so koko & caliott want to go look for him and cäcilia comes with them to help
personality-wise koko is just angry at everyone and the world since her brother went missing. kind of stuck-up and a bit mean and insecure and intelligent teenage girl. caliott is basically that guy from the original frog prince story who has to put three chains around his heart to keep it from breaking. cäcilia is definitely the most put together out of the group but she's also the only one who has like. actual experience with fighting and stuff. she's not the smartest but she's loyal. the prince im not too sure about i need to flesh him out a lot more still but he definitely is kind of a little shit
#i need to make a proper drawing of the snow castle city at some point but for now have a sketch i gave up on lol#asks#ALSO need to make a tag for those ocs. hmmm
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Okay first of all I love your first post was bonding to my ask but also I was wondering could I get some head cannons on Ford being the twins caregiver( the baby twins Dipper and Mabel)
@pinkyshy10 i want to make sure I get the notification that's why I'm tacking myself
Thank you for your ask, of course you can get some hc of Ford being Dipper and Mabel’s caregiver! I loved writing this request so much! The babies! ! I did talk about Stanley helping some, but this is all Ford caregiving for the twins! The three of them are such cuties!!! I hope it lives up to your expectations! I’m so sorry it’s so late, I’ve got a back log but I’m working through them! Please stay nice and warm this week!
I’ll tag you here so you can see it too, just in case: @pinkyshy10
As always, I’m always open for helpful comments and critiques!
Sending you all the loce in the world!
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-Ford never expected to be a caregiver to two small children, nonetheless children that regress, but he takes it in stride. He loves his niblings and would do anything for them, so of course he’s more than willing to watch over and care for them, letting the two of them crawl into his bed when they have a nightmare or two
-He’ll ease them back to sleep with the more happy tales from his time dimension hopping, telling them how cute they looked in that baby dimension. He’ll pat their backs and brush their hair-trying to remember how it was his mother and then Stanley consoled him. They snuggle on his chest and pass out near instantaneously once he gets them settled
-He did feel overwhelmed at first, but he has Stanley to support him and calm him down. It helps that the twins don’t always regress together, though it’s more often than not
-Ford would be a less stern caregiver for the twins than Stanley would be. Surprising everyone, but this is the man who gave a 12 year old a crossbow
-He’s stricter with what they eat and when they sleep, but for everything in between Ford has more of a “all long as nobody gets seriously injured” mindset
-They need nap time and semi-nutritious food. Nap time isn’t hard, but it’s not easy. The twins, energetic on the regular, are hyperactive when they regress, if they could bounce off the walls, Ford bets they would. To get them to take a nap, he’ll try to tire them out but chasing them, but when that doesn’t always work, he’ll wrap them up tightly in a big blanket, lay them down with some pillows in the floor, turn down the lights, and either play a really boring black and white that would him to sleep or roughly hum an old lullaby he picked up from someone, scratching their heads to lull them to sleep
-He uses their nap time to get some alone time, decompress and to breathe from all the energy he had been surrounded with, Stanley looking over the twins to give him brother a break
-Food is…another issue. Ford can make a mean sandwich and pour juice and milk, he can put fruits and veggies on a tray with some cheese or dipping sauce, but he cannot cook. Not well and not palatable enough for two regressed tweens, if they want edible Mac and cheese or pancakes, it’s either they don’t get any and Ford’s at the wrong end of sad puppy dog eyes, or he’s asking Stanley to make them
-He won’t let them eat Greasy’s when he’s caring for them, he thinks it’s too unhealthy for such young children (and he had such a bad experience there he never wants to go back)
-It took some getting used to, caring for Dipper and Mabel when they regress, but he does have help in the form of Stanley, who’ll act as a babysitter if Ford needs to have his attention elsewhere for a moment or two. Ford also learned the basics of caring for children from Stan, though he has to modify it to fit in with the twins’ smaller ages
-It surprised him to find out that Little Dipper (so Ford’s nickname for him now) is more talkative than a Little Mabel. She does talk, but she’s quieter, more content to observe, unless you bring up a topic she’s super interested in. Dipper, however will go on and on about anything and everything. He is a “but why” little, which, Ford loves how inquisitive Dipper is, always wanting to know more, but at the same time, when he’s been asked “but why not?” 10 times in a row, he needs to steer the conversation to something else
-He tries to set individual little time with the twins so he can engage with them one-on-one, it’s in these cases that Stan will watch the other twin. He does arts and crafts and tea parties with Mabel, sometimes putting together Lego sets if it’s one she seems interested in. Sometimes they’ll just cuddle and watch a movie if that’s what she wants. He very much likes gossiping with her stuffed animals at the tea parties, spreading the most juicy inter-dimensional rumors.
-With Dipper, they’ll do puzzles, put together legos, and paint. Dipper loves finger painting when he’s feeling small, Ford doesn’t mind that he gets everything messy even with a smock on, his boy doesn’t look anxious or tired, his eyes bright and lacking their usual bags. If he starts asking too many questions, Ford may sometimes turn on a kid friendly documentary to keep him distracted
-Dipper and Mabel both love it when Ford reads to them, he gets so into the characters and get super dramatic, making them laugh and squeal behind their pacifiers
-They both have pacifiers, Dipper because he keeps chewing on his shirts, Mabel because she wanted to be like him, but actually really liked how soothing it is
-Dipper’s nickname is the Little Dipper and Mabel is Ford’s Meteorite. He thinks the names are cute, no matter how much Stanley may tease him about it
-No Mabel Juice when they’re little. Never again.
-Even when regressed, these two love to chase mysteries and go exploring, getting into as much mischief as possible with Ford’s eyes on them. He does allow them to go on adventures in Gravity Falls with him, but only if they’re kiddie friendly and he has to keep an eye on them at all times (Stanley’s rules). He only goes about 50 feet into the forest, which is plenty fun for them, they love running around and picking up every shiny rock and cool stick they find, sometimes wondering off too far if something catches their eye.
-Ford almost had a heart attack when he couldn’t find Dipper one day, looking everywhere, while holding Mabel in his arms, only to find him further in the trees arguing with a gnome
-The twins now have backpack leashes for when they leave the shack while regressed. It’s safer for them and makes it less liable that their Grunkle’s have a heart attack
-Ford loves his niblings, he doesn’t mind caring for them whatever their headspace may be. They’re both such caring and lovable individuals, it brings a pleasant ache in his chest to know that they care for him, trust him so much, that they allow themselves to be vulnerable like this around him. He loves his little family so much
#gravity falls#gravity falls agere#age regression#fandom agere#stanley pines#sfw agere#gravity falls headcanons#stanford pines#gravity falls stanley#gravity falls age regression#gravity falls stanford#gravity falls little space#dipper and mabel#dipper pines#gravity falls dipper#gravity falls mabel#mabel pines#agere drabble#sfw agere head canons#agere headcanons#fandom age regression#age regression headcanons#sfw littlespace#gravity falls fandom#fandom headcanons#fandom#age regression blog#safe agere
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Hi Phe! I noticed that you have Death Note on your fandoms list. I was wondering if you had any thoughts about how L would be as a boyfriend? I don't know it what world the Reader would be able to get close enough to him to date him, but we can ignore that, LOL.
Thank you in advance and I hope you have a nice day! - G
hi, thank you so much for your ask!! here ya go:
i don't imagine that l has any romantic/sexual experience, so you would likely be his first relationship
as long as you can understand his dedication to his career, i think it wouldn't be too hard to make a relationship with him work
you would have to live a pretty private life, and you'd likely travel a lot, but you would never have to work again (unless you wanted to)
l is very observant, and he learns all of your habits, hobbies, quirks, and interests: he gives very lavish, thoughtful gifts
at first, he is all dry humor and deep discussions, but you can break through that and find the more intimate parts of him
watari takes great care of you, making sure your favorite foods are always on-hand, and is always dedicated to making sure you are safe
when he's actively working a case, l can be pretty distant, but he never objects to you just sitting in the room with him while he works. he enjoys your presence, finding it comforting.
l gives me very touch-starved vibes, so i imagine that he would be awkward about affection at first, but slowly he would get comfortable with it and begin to crave it
he's not great at being a typical "good" boyfriend - he rarely gives compliments, he's very focused on his work, he's a very unconventional person and you two have a very complex relationship, but i imagine it could be really special and beautiful if you could handle his quirks!!
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I like to think that if metal wasn't yknow, metal, he would go out of his way to NOT hate sonic. Not out of gratitude or anything but because he was programmed to hate sonic by eggman and he is so spiteful he refuses to hate sonic on principle just to piss off eggman. Sonic is like "hey! Now you're not a robot do you wanna go get lunch?" And metal is like (fists clenched so hard it hurts) (teeth grinding) "ok Bud" (death glare) sonic just thinks he doesn't know how to emote anything but anger but no thats just because he's talking to sonic. Existing around sonic pisses him off so much but hes like WE ARE FRIENDS. I DON'T HATE HIM. FUCK YOU, PROGRAMMING. I DO WHAT I WANT <- so mad his heart hurts
I think that's a pretty fun hc and it would be interesting but personally it opposes my own key hcs about Metal Sonic.
I like to think that he is not completely a slave to his programming or more like, there is actually a person in there, and not just a sentient robot but something strange, like a mix between metal and organic, just inherently, because of the way Metal was made (with Sonic's biodata - and Sonic is already weird on like a, metaphysical plane, he's like the universe's special guy).
I think him being a copy of Sonic specifically makes Metal a weird anomaly in the world and allows him more of a mind of his own and kind of a 'soul' or an 'energy' of an organic being. Similar to your hc I kind of treat programming Metal as a kind of mind control that he can fight off, but he doesn't because he doesn't really want to because the part of him that is capable of breaking free is conditioned by Eggman. Plus Metal's obsession with being the real Sonic and such.
(Due to all this I really like @/generic-sonic-fan's take on this in their fanfic Complex Inquiries, where Metal concludes that the way to move forward and be free to do whatever it wants is to just go its own way and never see Sonic again, just find a life that's completely away from Sonic etc, I really liked that.)
I actually think, that since Metal is used to being just angry and mostly only feeling hate all the time, with complete free will he would start defaulting to that. (he'd even hate Sonic for one more reason and that's for causing him to lose his robotic form - a thing he'd actually secretly wished to happen but once he is organic, he realizes it sucks and doesn't help him defeat Sonic at all, and his free will only confuses him more lmao, do here's an additional reason to despise Sonic)
But Metal trying to befriend Sonic despite everything just to experiment with breaking his mess of a brain after becoming free from his programming is a really interesting idea and I actually don't think it couldn't happen, I just don't think it would last lmao. Unless Metal worked very hard to forge himself a new identity that doesn't revolve around Sonic, but I don't think he would for a very long time.. He is literally too stubborn (just like sonic ^^) to give up his own identity like that. It means too much to him (just like Sonic ^^) But like, your idea would still be possible if, but it would take a whileeee, and idk if Metal, once he's trying to do his own thing and trying to get an identity, would be happy about completely siding with Sonic. He just needs something of his own that doesn't include Sonic or Eggman...
Ughh okay this is long, I just think it would take Metal a while to not be a shaking ball of hate about everything and everyone... And that his actions and personality as Eggman's henchman and evil robot run deeper than just his programming. And I'm not even saying I would write about Metal leaving Sonic completely behind to start leading a life of free will, I need him to stay and be center of the attention until he dies a horrible death or something idk yet xd so he wouldn't figure that out very quickly.
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Agape: Greek for unconditional love
This poem explores the theme of unconditional love. It emphasizes a love that is all-encompassing and accepting, one that sees beyond superficial flaws and insecurities. The poem suggests that this kind of love is essential for human connection and understanding. It encourages us to look at each other with compassion and empathy, recognizing and accepting each other’s true selves.
#poetry#poems#poem#agape#unconditional love#platonic love#when i see agape between two people#I want to break into their world and experience it too#when you have agape w/ another#no one can break into your shared world#it is wholly unique for just you both
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Can you expand on what you mean by Baron being "too cool" to really fit a horror monster? It's a very interesting concept and I'd love to hear your thoughts. Is it that they're too active/involved/tangible and it detracts from their scariness?
I feel like I should preface this with a wall of disclaimers lmao 1/I am a hardcore, down-to-the-marrow, avid, deeply sincere horror enthusiast, esp. horror creatures. this usually means my mileage is vastly different from the average populace's, and my scaredy bone has been disintegrated by longterm exposure. most things in a piece of horror media won't scare me! so I practically never use that on its own as the scale to talk abt horror experiences, but when something does scare me it's always a special occasion to be treasured. 2/canon d20 is never really meant to be horror horror, and for good reasons: it doesn't fit the company's output, it takes a kind of carelessness in production estimation that is always a huge risk, it's often vulnerable in a way that kinda goes against how TTRPGs usually facilitates vulnerability, and for most people it's just! stressful! d20, even with the "horror-themed" seasons, generally just plays with horror tropes and stays focused in its goal of being a comedy improv tabletop theater show. 3/fantasy high's chosen system is DnD, which as I've mentioned before is before all a combat-based game system, which means the magic circle of play is drawn based on stats that facilitate and prioritize combat. want or not this affects every interaction you have in the game, and given fantasy high's concept from the ground up (everyone's going to school of DnD stuff to get better at DnD) it's doubly relevant. 4/This Is Fine I have no quarrel with this. my meters are internal, I do not ask this show to be anything it doesn't advertise itself to be, and what it is is fucking great! I like it! when I expand on this ask's question it will be like a physicist going insane in a lab. that's the mindset we're going in with.
disclaimers done. my stance on horror as a genre is that it's a utility genre rather than a content genre or a demographic genre; it is the discard of narratives. it's the trash pile. horror, above being scary, is about being ugly and messy, it's the cracks on the ground any story inevitably steps over to stay a genre that isn't horror. the genre's been around long enough to develop a codex and a general language that medias and makers and enthusiasts of the genre can use to talk about and build onto, but if you go into individual pieces there's really no unifying Horror Story. one person's beautiful life can be another's horror story, it's just how it is.
this makes The Monster a deeply intriguing piece of the genre. thing is a monster is in a decent percentage of any story - it's just when the antagonist force steps into something past a certain line traced out in the story's world. monstrousness is in pretty much every western fantasy story, it's in any story with a hero and something to vanquish or win; more than anything it's a proxy of that thing up there. the line in a narrative's world. the monster is the guard of the unknown lands, where heroic, civilized people don't tread.
what does this mean in the context of horror? the genre is about that perceived lawlessness, that "unknown land" so to say. we're in the monster's home. that's the literary context that we often walk into a horror piece with; the monster knows more than you about where you are. it may not understand you, but it holds more information than you, and with that it moves swifter than you, has more covered than you, and is more assured in its existence in this context than you. it's a struggle to catch up to it, it's nigh impossible to get one over it, and you're never sure it'll 100% work, because you just don't have the information necessary to.
with that framing you can kinda see where I'm coming from here: horror's often about the breaking of rules. I always think a monster's most effective when it breaks well-established rules of both existence and visual storytelling. think Possum (2018) or Undertale's Omega Flowey or the Xenomorph Queen - unique change in medium, unique change in graphic, unique change in design language, etc. in that sense I actually really like how canon baron plays out: they don't really function like anything else in the fantasy high universe, the bad kids have not managed to kill them when they've felled literal gods, their domain in fhjy literally introduces new mechanics to encompass their existence! from an experience design standpoint they slap mad shit. BUT! I can't help finding their character, like as a character riz (and the other bad kids, eventually) interact with, to be very... coherent? in design. this is kinda hard for me to articulate in words, it's more often a sense you get once you've looked at enough of these scrumptious fuckers, their general design and the way they show up is just kinda too clean, so to say. always kinda newly made? fresh unboxed. it, once again, makes sense for their lore - they are looking for more about themself from riz - and their function - they're an antagonist in a game experience, they're meant to be interacted with in a way that produces results and meshes with the existing magic circle - but that shininess takes away from the implied history they should have dominion over and the person they're haunting doesn't.
from another angle there is kinda something there about how put-together canon baron is as a concept; the domain they call home is riz's deep-seeded fears, extremely vulnerable things he's drawn borders around to quarantine and refused to walk into. things that from his perspective would irreversibly shatter certain pleasant fictions his world is built on top of. canon baron, While Extremely Cool, I feel is kinda too neat to connect with and signify the apocalyticized mess that'd result from this paradigm shift. the part where they're in riz's briefcase and looking through every mirror is Very Cool And Fucked Up! but ultimately the show draws a line around them as well, by making game-physical, tangible spaces they're in (the mirrors and the haunted mordred manor) and put riz and the bad kids there only when they need to confront stuff. riz is meaningfully narratively away from baron's unknown land for most of fantasy high.
with that and all of my disclaimers in mind my conclusion here is if canon baron wants to be a Horror Monster they'd have to cross way more lines. be a Lot more invasive. hence (holds up my class swap baron like a long cat)
#ask#not art#tldr a lot of fantasy high's and d20's nature plays against having a Horror horror piece in it. there's no space for emptiness or dread#that's one of the most attractive things to me about horror. the monster signifying a new world you don't understand#you see something on the deserted streets and you realize: oh. the world doesn't work how I've been thinking it does#if u've noticed how much this has in common with queer experiences haha. yeag#man. actually I should also put the I Am Not White disclaimer in there too lmao a lot of the notion of The Monstrous is! traditionally#about maintaining and upkeeping a ''social order'' (read: the powers that be)#and a Lot of Wilderness Fiction is deeply and maliciously colonialist#so when I say ''the unknown land'' and ''the monster'' I am pretty much speaking From one of those unknown lands#and from the position of one of those monsters#the fear of the monstrous is so very often the fear of being consumed by - or becoming - the monstrous yourself#and well. when you're already there in the eye of the zeitgeist. You Can Do What You Want Forever#all that to say it Is important to me that baron is made of riz's lies. even more so in this funny class swap thing I make for fun#like as a horror protag he makes me insane. he loves lines! he loves lines he drew himself. he replicates these borders in himself#that mirror the world he lives in that's so hostile to him. that kid Loves rules. he bows to even the ones that hurt him#like. u get where I'm getting to right I did make a whole comic kinda near this subject he's Already The Other#baron is a monster's monster. baron is a mirror image. GODs I cant help but wish they were messier#it's kinda why I make class swap baron to be like. an ever nearing realization. like I warble abt all this but I genuinely do also find#canon baron to be just as visually coherent and thematically perfect as riz if not more. it's hard to beat how cool the mirror stuff is#it's hard to beat that doll face in iconic visuals! I have to strike according to my strength rather than trying to beat canon#so instead of reflection it's captured moments. instead of a blank face it's the lack of one. mmm. maybe I'm just kinda breaking things#for fun also but that's My prerogative in my house awooga <3#well. thats kinda my thoughts on the general subject. thank u for listening. I will bake something soon dyou want some
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Uh-oh! You are like, SOOO awkward!!
You're so awkward that it is occasionally mildly uncomfortable for people!
You're so awkward that sometimes people are confused by you and then there are awkward silences!
You're so awkward ...... that ultimately no one is harmed!!
Oh damn!!! What a vile crime you have committed! What an unforgivable thing it is to make a fellow human briefly confused!
Why, if *I* were ever briefly confused and kind of uncomfortable as a result, I'd be devastated.... by the absolute net zero change in my happiness and health! - From which I might never recover!! Yes indeed! No punishment can ever be enough for you!!
So you better absolutely hate yourself for it.
Better be SO MEAN to yourself about every single missed social cue so you don't forget your horrible crime! Meaner than you'd ever dream of being to someone else for the same thing! This is YOUR responsibility!
You need to show the world that you KNOW you are bad by punishing yourself constantly! After all, think of all the people who BENEFIT from you punishing yourself! - No, really! Think about it! Think about who benefits from your pain.
Think of alllllll the definitely-good people that your definitely-necessary self-torment definitely helps! I mean, you can't just cut off their definitely-life-sustaining supply of your suffering, right?? Sure, everyone else has a breaking point, but you're probably the only person in human history who doesn't, right? Best not to question it probably. Sure, it's a symptom that billions of people with trauma have had, but who knows? You could be a one-in-seven-billion exception. Anything's possible!
Instead, better just accept that idea that bullies carry like guns in holsters - the idea that people who have trouble with social cues deserve to suffer. Better carry on the burden they placed on you until you drop. Aid the cause of the callous by enforcing shame and suffering upon yourself extra hard; try your best to do their work for them. They're very busy.
Better not recognize that you need patience and kindness to heal from your trauma. Better not find out that it was trauma rather than personal weakness filling your head with self-hating thoughts. Better not find out it wasn't your fault.
Better not find out that awkwardness is not inherently harmful or unkind, and, in fact, the people who act like it is *are the ones enacting harm and being cruel.*
Better not get righteously angry when you realize just how much unnecessary damage this has done to you. After all, if you get mad, you might realize you deserve better. You might even feel brave enough to DEMAND better! You might build boundaries that keep you safe! You might make other people think they deserve to feel safe too! And we obviously can't be having that, so...
Better not show yourself even a little kindness a little bit at a time.
Better not make a habit out of it after all that practice.
Better not get confident.
Especially if you can't first wipe out every trace of awkward. (And you probably never will. Because people who experience absolute social certainty at all times tend to be insufferable assholes that enforce the status quo. And you just don't have the stock portfolio for that.)
Better not be confident and awkward because then you might confuse and delight people
- you might accidentally end up making other people feel less shame for their social difficulties
- you might make isolated, traumatized, and shy people feel like they deserve to be included in social situations
- you might even make them feel they can be themselves around you
- you might start loving the effect you have on a room
- you might enjoy conversations more
- you might forgive yourself and bounce back from shame more easily and frequently
- you might come to enjoy some of those moments of harmless confusion you cause because NOBODY expects the Confident Awkward, and that can genuinely be an advantage in social situations
- you might stop apologizing so much.
- you might find that socializing is like a video game: it requires practice but also a safe space for it to be fun and positive.
Or if you can't become assertive and confident, better not remain awkward and shy and quiet, and then love and forgive yourself anyway!
Why, it would be carnage!!
In either scenario, you run the risk of finding out that it's not your fault that safe spaces full of kind people can be really hard to find, create, and nurture. You could end up building a skillset that helps you do those things if you're not careful!
If you start giving yourself even the tiniest amount of grace at a time, you will find that you've accessed a gateway drug with extreme long-term side effects:
- You might realize that it was never your fault that it took so long to like yourself.
- You might realize that you were always worth talking to, even when you didn't like yourself and communication felt impossibly difficult.
- You might realize that you'll still be worth talking to even if communication becomes harder as you age and/or experience disability.
- You might come to know that you deserve to be heard even on bad days when words come slow and blurry.
You might discover that you were always deserving of kindness, first and foremost from yourself.
So. As you can see, it's FAR too much of a risk to start granting your awkward self free pardons for your many heinous and harmless crimes. Better to just leave it there.
#social skills#i have a few posts now in my ' social skills' tag#original#maybe eventually I will compile them and polish them in some meaningful way. I know what I want to call the book title#in big text it'll say 'I'M AUTISTIC' and then beneath that in smaller text 'And I Have Better Social Skills Than You'#or something to that effect. and the cover of the book will be me making an exaggerated smug face like the little rascal I am#challenging the viewer to pick up the book and see if they can prove me wrong.#and then the entire first section of the book is about how actually the issue with our society's social skills is the harsh judgment#for people who have trouble communicating and not the other way around. I don't actually think I'm the#most charismatic person in the world by a very long shot. but i do know that I have put more thought into my social skills than#most allistic people and frankly i have surpassed most of them. not because i am more persuasive or smooth or funny#(tho i am persuasive and funny lol) but bc i have questioned which social functions are more restriction than utility.#and instead i have focused my energy on actively learning how to make people feel safe. i feel social rules would benefit all people by#being a little more autistic tyvm. i don't think every person should dedicate themselves to being better at communicating#i think people should dedicate themselves to being kind and patient to everyone regardless of their ability to communicate#I think our society wrongly links communication ability to intelligence and intelligence to level of humanity.#when in fact all three of those things are fucking unrelated and connecting them inevitably leads to#really fucked up views on disabled people that hurt us. and then with that aspect of the book firmly understood and established I would#go on to recommend some ways to make socializing easier and more fulfilling (and less shameful and terrifying) for all kinds of people#it wouldn't be a book about Leaning In To Succeed in Business or 'here's how to avoid being the awkward loner at a party'#it'd be a book about how if you see someone alone at a party here's how to invite them to join your group without pressuring them#stuff like 'hot tip! if someone takes a while to type or speak a full sentence - talking over them b4 they can finish makes u an asshole!'#I know that a lot of people cannot or don't want to dump a lot of skill points into socializing like i did and they shouldn't have to in#order to experience basic dignity and respect. if we treat people like that then we just validate that people - especially#autistic children and elders and disabled people of manu varieties - have to suffer unless they learn all these arbitrary bullshit rules#and a lot of them are arbitrary bullshit! one of the reasons I throw people off so much is because I harmlessly break a lot of social rules#but I know I'm doing it and I'm not ashamed and people just don't know what to do with that! but a lot of them like it actually!!#i think it's a relief to be around someone so openly and unrelentingly weird bc what am I gonna do? judge you for being weird??#I only care if you're kind. not necessarily 'nice' or passive. Kind. Brave enough to care about people being treated well. Kind.#also I recognize that at least some of my ability to be openly weird is white privilege so that's important to acknowledge too
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call me crazy but I don’t hate the umbrella academy season 4
#spoilers in the tags#like idk#Lila and five was weird but I could totally see 5 finally finding a partner and latching on too tightly#it didn’t have to be Lila ffs#but I don’t think it breaks his character to not tell Lila about the way home immediately#this is a 62 year old man#who spent a majority of that time alone in an apocalyptic wasteland#with an unhealthy attachment to a mannequin#and that’s not to belittle his relationship with Delores#my atl poster is one of my closest friends to this day#it is VERY easy to build an attachment like that to an inanimate object when you’re that lonely#now imagine five finally has a chance to settle down after 62 fucking years of constantly running and chasing a way to save the world#and the universe basically gave him a second chance to actually live#to be in love and be loved#in a timeline where there is peace#it is entirely human to want to hold on to that for as long as possible#regardless of what you miss because of it#‘they broke 5’s character’ is the weirdest take for me#because finding a way to regain control over your never ending eternal nightmare of a life#is one of the most human responses to trauma I have ever seen portrayed#it did NOT have to be Lila#and I will be forever mad that they paired him with Lila#but Five is not any less himself at the end of the series as he was at the start#he got to experience something a vast majority of the other fives never would#and that’s what makes him OUR FIVE#if our Five hadn’t had that moment of peace he’d have continued the same cycle of every other alternate five trying to fix the timeline#the umbrella academy spoilers#tua spoilers#tua season 4
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Therapists have two genders:
Professional Asshole and
Well-meaning Incompetent
#color says shit#text post#replying to my therapist is the most frustrating thing in the world. ma'am you think you're building rapport with me?#I hate to tell you but you've been wildly unsuccessful if that's what you think you've been doing here.#stop trying to educate me about my bullshit diagnoses that I already know about from my years on the internet.#like. babygirl I'm over here trying to build up to feeling comfortable enough to talk about the six-layer trauma cake I've got going on#and you're over here showing me a diagram consisting of two concentric circles meant to convey the idea of self versus other#you're very nice and trying to be helpful but I don't want to fucking talk about the girlfriend I want to talk about the issues that matter#girlfriend is an experiment. the other shit is stuff that lives in our fucking soul. shit that made me into the weird person fragment I am#and I had to fight for an hour. therapist kept on scheduling us for half an hour. HALF A FUCKING HOUR HALF AN HOUR ISN'T ENOUGH TIME TO TALK#I had to fight for it and even when she finally scheduled us for an hour she still tried to cut it short#I had to pull up the appointment confirmation to prove I had an hour allotted. like seriously what the fuck.#one of those people who had their own mental struggles and then is like “I want to become a therapist and help other people uwu”#and then is fucking useless and projects their own issues onto someone else and shoves their personal solutions onto you#like someone in r/aita projecting their own shitty relationship onto someone else. some of us are different Daryl#ugh I'm so fucking pissed and I'm not giving up the controller until I get this shit sorted out for now.#r wanted to hop back on this morning in the shower and we had a shouting match but our deal was she takes a week break so I'm keeping it#because too much shit has built up and she's been not doing so hot so I'm gonna get this mess cleaned up before I let her back on.#I bought groceries. I did laundry. I got the car repairs done. I got our bike fixed up. I showered. I did dishes. I'm going to#and I'm going to get even more done tomorrow. maybe then I'll go back to watching over her shoulder and backseat gaming but not for a while.#it feels nice though. like I get to finally stretch my arms and yawn real good.#and btw to answer the question she's always fucking asking. she's not ace in the slightest lmao. I am and the bleed over confuses her.#there. question answered so maybe she can stop asking about it.#I feel like in her push to find herself she kinda pushed me back into the corner. which... ngl that hurts a little.#oh well. you don't need to hear about our lovers' quarrel. I'm going to bed in these cozy fresh bed sheets I just put on the bed.
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Wee ha
#Arright here I go again I gotta do some of these when I gotta vent#posting this on the 17th of August#So the elestral thing is going alright. My focus has shifted a LOT there but I'm still working with em#But the majority of my work comes from another client now. It's another one of these things that I'd love to make by myself#But someone else is making it and wanting me to do the art and music. It's gonna be huge. What a life it is. Anyway#This gif is from yet another project I started recently. Separate from Smile More HoaM and anything else. I keep fucking doing this#But this one's strange. It reflects my current working skills I've built up all these years. A multimedia experience that has a start n end#featuring all your favourite elphame characters in a new style. I'm enjoying making it but there's one problem#I haven't worked on it in like a month and a half#Work is piling up. Pixel art is something I don't do for myself anymore#It's not even a case of “as soon as I have time to myself my fingers can't move" it's that I just do not have any spare time lmao#I meet Ashley once or twice a week. We still play digimon a lot but we're taking this month off since she's petsitting and can't go out lat#My flatmate has basically taken the summer off work since his job pays well enough for him to do so#so having him around to play games with is nice. Feels awkward taking baths with him in the house tho lmao#He is kind of the only reason I take breaks. I got pikmin 4 and it is incredible. Genuinely might have replaced Digimon World as 1st place#Mum took Andy and I to Netherlands recently. It was incredible. I played in a local digimon tournament and ate shit#Have just been so excited about travelling lately. Ashy taking me to manchester soon and I think we'll go london next spring or sooner#Worried I'm overdoing it with the tags so I'll sign off here. Work is stressing me out but it looks like big things are happening.#OH MY GOD I HAVE STOPPED BLEEDING BTW. Like almost altogether. Haven't in like a month. The trick is in the big box I rest my feet on.#It's too tall. I tried replacing it with a pile of folders half as tall and my bleeding fucking stopped. No crohn's disease or anything.#Just a big stupid fucking box. Anyway see you
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I have got to go for a long drive or take a flight out of here someday soon
#I can't stay here for too long I can't stagnate in one house one town one day to day life#I need monotony to break up the monotony I need to stare out a window into the world and be healed#by the presence of novelty and gold and love#I need to see the world go by because I'm not moving through the world very fast and that's as close as I can come to adventure#still windows are pictureframes and the stop motion goes nowhere and neither do I so I want to experience the movement#sometimes i think i could write poetry#I NEED to be the hottest person in this airport and/or rest area#Lu rambles
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Man high school was fucked up. You ever think about that. Thank fucking god I'm not in high school anymore
#Sorry I need to turn a distraction video on or smth because my mind came back to#The very first experience I had of high school#And like my father had just dropped me off right. Yknow. Big massive new place I hadn't been before#And we went into an assembly hall right and my father called me like 5 minutes after#My phone was on silent and I took it out of my pocket for what. 5 seconds to dismiss the call.#Yknow a call from my parent who probably just wanted to make sure I got in okay#And in that 5 seconds a teacher just came over and took the phone off me#And then later on in the assembly the speaker was like 'We have a strict phone policy.'#'You're not allowed to use them outside of break unless explicitly asked' and the fucking.#Teacher who practically snatched my damn phone of me was like#'I have caught 5 students on their phones already. This is unacceptable behaviour in high school and you should already know'#Like. Holy shit I got it out for 5 damn seconds to dismiss a call from a parent who just wanted to make sure I was okay :sob: I was 12 yknow#Just something so. Fucked up about that. That's not a fucking expectation in the real world#Yeah don't be distracted by your phone while doing work in class but it was nothing like that :sob:#I'm willing to bet that most of the people who got their phone confiscated in that assembly were of similar circumstances to me#Yknow. Worried parents who just dropped their 12 year old off to a big unfamiliar place for the first time calling#You could've taught that lesson in the classroom if someone was actually distracted on their phone. Come on now#What Is with some fucking primary school and high school teachers having absolute power trips over actual children#Awful. I was thinking about it because my younger sibling has just gone back school#And their in their last year of primary school and they where telling me about like all the bullshit they're pulling#And I guess I just. Worry a bit. Because high school is genuinely a little bit fucking traumatic#I tell them all the time that most of the rules they set up in primary school and high school are kinda bullshit anyways#And to follow them simply to not get in trouble. But don't let them dictate how you act forever#Because you go through the whole of high school being told what to do by people who usually view you as a lesser being to them#And then you get to college and everything changes and it's gonna be weird as fuck finally being viewed as an equal#...especially if you're like me and engrained rules way too seriously#Sorry this is breaking the no emotional posting after 10pm rule but I think I can stand by this one#Okay I've made 6 begillion grammar errors I'm on mobile I can't change em#To everyone currently in high school: please fucking survive. It get's better. I prommy you#android.txt
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That’s Not My Name
Toto Wolff x wife!Reader
Summary: in which people assume you are everything except for your husband’s wife
Warnings: mentions of a significant age gap
The Daughter
You take a deep breath as you step through the paddock, clutching your pass tightly in your hand. The noise and energy of the Formula 1 weekend thrums around you. You’ve never been to a race before, and it’s all so new and overwhelming.
When Toto invited you to join him for the British Grand Prix, you were hesitant. This stage of your relationship is still so new — you’ve only been married a few months. But Toto was insistent. He wants you by his side.
Still, you feel out of place among the teams and journalists. You’re just a normal girl, plucked from obscurity by a man twice your age. What must they all think of you?
You arrive at the Mercedes garage and glance around nervously. The mechanics are bustling about, focused on their work. You spot Toto across the garage, talking intensely with his drivers. He looks stressed, his brows furrowed as he discusses strategy. This high pressure environment is his domain, but it’s foreign to you.
Toto glances up and notices you hovering near the entrance. His face breaks into a smile and he quickly excuses himself from his conversation to come greet you.
“Mein liebchen, you made it!” He exclaims, enveloping you in a tight hug. You cling to the solidness of him, drawing comfort from his familiar embrace.
“I wasn’t sure I should come,” you say softly, glancing around. The mechanics are staring curiously. You know how it must look — their team principal hugging an unknown woman half his age.
Toto cups your face gently, “I want you here. This is your world now too. Don’t worry what anyone else thinks.”
You bite your lip but nod, trusting in him. If Toto believes you belong here, then you do.
He tucks you under his arm and leads you further into the garage, introducing you to his team. They greet you politely, hiding any surprise or judgment. You know you’ll have to win them over, prove that you’re more than just Toto’s midlife crisis.
A sudden commotion draws your attention across the paddock. The Red Bull Racing team is gathered around the entrance, greeting their team principal enthusiastically as he arrives. Christian Horner is holding court, shaking hands and clapping shoulders.
You tense involuntarily. The rivalry between Mercedes and Red Bull is legendary, with Christian often attempting to get under Toto’s skin. You don’t know how he’ll react to you.
As if sensing your thoughts, Toto tightens his arm around you. “Don’t worry about him,” he murmurs. “I’m here.”
But you can’t relax as you see Christian look your way, his gaze sharp and assessing. He says something to his team and begins walking towards the Mercedes garage. Your heart sinks. There’s no avoiding this confrontation.
“Toto!” Christian calls out jovially as he approaches. “I see you’ve brought a special guest this weekend.”
Toto presses his lips together but forces a polite smile. “Yes, I wanted her to experience her first race weekend. Christian, meet Y/N, my wife.”
You extend your hand nervously. “It’s nice to meet you.”
Christian raises his eyebrows, blatantly looking you up and down. “Your wife? My, they do start young these days.” His tone is patronizing.
You blush deeply, humiliated. But Toto comes to your defense.
“I’d appreciate if you leave her out of our rivalry,” he says sharply. “She has nothing to do with it.”
Christian holds up his hands in mock surrender. “No need to get defensive! I just didn’t realize you had gotten hitched again. And to someone so … fresh faced. She could be your daughter!” He chuckles.
Your face burns. You hate Christian for putting voice to that thought. You know people judge you and Toto for your age difference. Hearing him joke about it so callously stings.
Toto steps forward angrily but you grab his arm, silently begging him not to cause a scene. He takes a deep breath, struggling to contain his temper.
“It was lovely to meet you, Christian,” you say as evenly as you can manage. “I do hope you’ll have a good weekend.”
Christian looks surprised by your composure. He nods farewell and heads back to the Red Bull garage, throwing one last smirk over his shoulder.
As soon as he’s out of earshot, Toto turns to you. “I’m so sorry about that,” he says earnestly. “Christian is an ass. Don’t let him get to you.”
You shake your head, swallowing back tears. “It’s fine, I knew people would think those things about me … about us ...” you trail off miserably.
Toto cups your face in both hands. “Look at me. None of that matters. He can think what he wants. But I know who you are. You are my heart, my present, and my future. No one can take that away, not even Christian bloody Horner.”
You give a watery laugh at his vehemence and he kisses your forehead tenderly.
“I’m not going anywhere,” you tell him, finding your courage again. “I want to be here.”
Toto smiles proudly and laces his fingers through yours. “Good. Let’s show them we’re not going to hide. I want you here, where you belong.”
Holding hands firmly, you walk with your head held high back into the bustling garage. Let them stare and whisper. You know your place is here with Toto. No judgment or rivalry can change that. This is your world now.
The Assistant
The day has been a whirlwind so far. After the confrontation with Christian Horner, you tried your best to settle into the hectic swing of pre-race preparations. Toto has been swept up in strategy meetings and sponsor obligations. You trail along behind him, clutching your paddock pass, trying not to get in the way.
During a rare free moment, Toto turns to you. “Why don’t you go exploring for a bit? Get a feel for the place. I need to take this call but I’ll come find you soon.”
You nod uncertainly. Venturing off alone makes you nervous, but you want to prove to Toto you can handle this new world.
You wander toward the garages housing the Formula 2 teams. The cars are lined up, mechanics hovering over them making final tweaks and adjustments. You watch them work, enthralled by their practiced movements.
“Are you lost?”
You turn to see a mechanic frowning at you. He’s from one of the backmarker teams, a lower budget operation.
“Oh no, just looking around,” you stammer self-consciously.
The mechanic’s eyes drop to your pass. “Ah a VIP pass eh? Who are you with?”
“Oh um Mercedes ...” you trail off awkwardly.
His eyebrows raise, impressed. “Posh. You must be Toto’s new assistant then?”
You freeze, the old insecurity rising. Assistant. Because why else would someone your age be hanging around the Mercedes garage? You want to correct him, but the words stick in your throat. You don’t want to make a scene.
So you just nod and mumble something noncommittal. The mechanic looks sympathetic.
“First race weekend is it? They can be chaotic. But don’t worry, you’ll get the hang of it. Who knows, if you impress the boss, you might get to travel full time!”
He means it kindly, but his words dig into your wounds. You give a thin smile. “Thank you, I appreciate the advice.”
You turn away before he can respond, a lump forming in your throat. No matter what Toto says, people will make assumptions about you.
Lost in thought, you wander toward the bustling fan zone. It’s a sea of colors, supporters wearing their favorite team’s kit. You pass unnoticed, just another face in the crowd.
The roar of an engine makes you glance up. The Formula 2 cars are being pushed out of the garage, heading for the grid. You hurry over, eager to get a closer look.
A harried looking engineer nearly runs right into you, focused on his tablet. “Oh, sorry, excuse me.” He does a double take. “Hey, you’re Toto’s new assistant right? I saw you with him around the paddock earlier.”
Your heart sinks. Word has spread. You open your mouth to correct him but he barrels on.
“Listen, I hate to do this, but any chance you can help me out? My usual assistant called in sick and I’m swamped. I just need someone to hold these and stand with the engineers during the race. You’ll get a front row view of the start!”
He looks at you pleadingly. You hesitate, but his need seems genuine.
“Um, sure, I can help,” you say.
“You’re a lifesaver!” He exclaims, piling several tire blankets into your arms. They’re heavier than you expected. “Just follow me.”
He leads you onto the grid and you get swept up in the controlled chaos, focusing on not dropping the blankets. The cars pull into position around you. The engineer directs you where to stand and you end up right against the barrier, the engines roaring just feet away.
Your heart races with excitement. The start is exhilarating, the cars peeling away in a blur. You forget your insecurities for a moment, lost in the thrill of the race.
The checkered flag waves and the engineer finally relieves you of the weight in your arms. “Thanks so much for your help! I really appreciate it ...” he pauses. “Actually I don’t think I got your name?”
You open your mouth but a familiar voice interrupts. “There you are!”
Toto appears through the crowd and pulls you into his arms. “I’ve been looking everywhere for you! Are you alright?”
He notices the engineer standing there awkwardly. “Can I help you?” Toto asks coolly.
“Nope, we’re all good here. Thanks again for your help,” the engineer nods at you and disappears into the dispersing crowd.
“What was that about?” Toto frowns. “Why was he giving you tire blankets?”
You sigh, feeling the weight of the day pressing down on you again. “He thought I was your new assistant. He needed help so I said yes.” You shrug helplessly.
Understanding flashes across Toto’s face and he swears under his breath. “I’m so sorry, I never should have left you alone. I should have made things clearer who you are.”
You shake your head. “It’s okay. I don’t mind helping out, really.” But your voice wavers, betraying your hurt.
Toto cups your face gently. “No, it’s not okay. You are my partner, my equal. Not my assistant. I need to show people the extraordinary woman you truly are.”
His faith bubbles up your own courage. You straighten your shoulders, looking him in the eye.
“Then let’s go show them. I’m not hiding anymore. Take me where I belong, right by your side.”
Toto kisses you fiercely. “With pleasure, meine liebchen.”
He tucks you under his shoulder proudly. You keep your head high as you walk back through the paddock, passes reflecting in the sun. Let them stare and whisper. You know where you belong.
The Trespasser
A few months later, you’re starting to find your stride. Each race weekend poses new challenges, but with Toto by your side you’re learning to navigate the hectic world of motorsports.
The Mercedes team has slowly warmed up to you as well. Seeing how happy Toto is has softened their skepticism. You pitch in where you can — bringing freshly baked pastries and trying to make yourself useful. Having a purpose eases your lingering insecurities.
The Singapore Grand Prix means a sweltering heat that makes the paddock sticky and humid. The stuffy garage offers little relief so you wander outside hoping for a breeze. You end up in the fan zone, mingling with supporters visiting the various team merch shops and activities.
You chat with a few enthusiastic young fans, gently deflecting their eager questions about Toto and the team. Despite the heat and crowds, their passion for the sport is contagious and you find yourself smiling.
Toto texts that he needs you back at the garage, so you reluctantly leave your anonymous conversations and make your way through the paddock. As you draw closer to the Mercedes garage, you realize your pass has gone missing from your lanyard.
Your heart sinks. The passes grant crucial access and you don’t want to cause problems. But the garage is just ahead so you decide to explain yourself once you’re inside.
Slipping through the open door, you immediately spot Toto in the back. As you weave between bustling mechanics, a hand grasps your shoulder.
You turn to see one of the newer Mercedes mechanics frowning down at you. “What are you doing in here?” He demands. “This area is restricted.”
Flustered, you try to explain about your missing pass. But the mechanic’s stern expression doesn’t waver.
“How did you get in? I know all the team members but I haven’t seen you before.” His eyes narrow suspiciously.
Other mechanics have noticed the confrontation and start drifting over. You shrink under their doubtful gazes.
“I, uh, I’m Toto’s ...” you stammer, but the mechanic cuts you off.
“A likely story. Every race some starry-eyed fan tries to sneak in for an autograph or photo. You picked the wrong garage for that. Come on, let’s go.”
He takes your arm in a firm grip. Your protests fall on deaf ears as he escorts you briskly outside.
To your dismay Toto is occupied with an intense conversation, his back turned. No one intervenes as the mechanic marches you away from the garage and into the paddock.
“I don’t know how you got in here, but I’ll be reporting this. We can’t have unauthorized people wandering around restricted areas.”
You tug uselessly against his hold, trying to explain it’s all just a misunderstanding. But he remains stoic, unmoved by your pleas.
Other teams and drivers are staring now as he parades you past. Your face burns with humiliation at the thought of causing a scene or being accused of lying.
In a stroke of luck, you spot Lewis heading towards the Mercedes motorhome ahead. He knows you, surely he can clear this up!
You call his name desperately. “Lewis, Lewis! Help, please!”
Lewis turns, confusion clouding his features. But then he recognizes you and his brow furrows.
“What’s going on here?” He asks sharply, striding over.
The mechanic snaps to attention, clearly intimidated to be addressed by Lewis directly.
“I caught this girl sneaking around the garage! She claims to know Toto but it’s obviously a ruse to get access. I was just escorting her out.”
Lewis looks incredulous. “This is Toto’s wife, mate. She’s supposed to be there.”
The mechanic gapes, his authoritative air dissipating. “His wife? But she’s so young ...” he glances at you uncertainly. “My apologies, ma’am, I didn’t realize. We have to be vigilant about security.”
You shrug off his now-slack grip. “It’s fine, just a misunderstanding,” you mumble, face still burning.
Lewis places a reassuring hand on your shoulder. “C’mon, let’s get you back where you belong.”
He leads you away from the shrinking mechanic back toward the Mercedes garage. You feel tears pricking your eyes.
“Thank you, Lewis,” you say shakily. “I tried to explain but he wouldn’t listen ...”
“Don’t worry about it. That guy is new around here, still learning the ropes.” Lewis pats your shoulder consolingly.
You nod, trying to brush it off. But the encounter left you rattled. Will there always be those who see you as an outsider?
Lewis seems to sense your swirling doubts. “He was just new. The team knows you well by now. Stuff like this will stop happening once the rest get used to you being around.”
You want to believe him. You’ve tried so hard to find your place here.
As you near the garage, Toto comes rushing out, scanning the paddock anxiously. His shoulders sag with relief when he spots you.
“Where have you been? I turned around and you were gone!” He exclaims, pulling you into his embrace.
Over his shoulder, you see Lewis mouth “tell him” before discreetly slipping away.
You take a deep breath and explain what happened with the mechanic. Toto’s expression darkens, his protective anger rising.
You touch his cheek gently. “It wasn’t his fault. It was just a misunderstanding.”
Toto sighs, anger melting away. “I should have been there. I should have introduced you properly to the new staff.”
You shake your head. “You can’t be responsible for how everyone sees me. I don’t need you fighting my battles. This is something I have to earn for myself. Their respect, their trust … I just need more time.”
Toto gazes at you with so much love and pride it takes your breath away. “You are so much stronger than you know. And if they can’t see that, well that’s on them.”
He kisses you softly. “Take all the time you need. I’m not going anywhere. We’ll get through this together.”
And wrapped securely in his arms, you finally believe it’s true. This is your world now. Your place is here, with him.
The Nanny
The warm early autumn breeze ruffles your hair as you wait outside the primary school, keeping one eye on the time. Any minute now the bell will ring, signaling the end of your son’s second day of preschool.
You smile thinking of this morning and his eager goodbye hug before practically sprinting into the building, too excited to look back. He has his father’s confidence.
Shifting the baby carrier holding your sleeping newborn daughter, you smooth down your dress self-consciously. Even after years with Toto, you still can’t help but feel out of place at posh schools like this.
The other mothers eye you curiously. No doubt wondering about the young woman with an infant waiting alone.
You know some of them recognized Toto yesterday when he dropped off and picked up your son. Your heart had lurched seeing him cradling Leon’s small hand, both your boys glancing back to wave goodbye.
But duty called for Toto today with important meetings at Mercedes’ Brackley Headquarters, so pickup fell to you today. Not that you mind another glimpse of that overjoyed grin when your son spots you.
The bell rings and a stream of children come pouring out the doors. You crane your neck, looking for a familiar head of tousled curls.
There! You wave eagerly as your son breaks into a run when he sees you.
“Mama!” He cries joyfully, slamming into your legs. You stroke his hair, hugging him tight.
“Did you have a good day baby?” You ask as he looks up at you adoringly.
He nods, launching into a story about finger painting that you can barely follow. But his enthusiasm is contagious and you can’t help but smile.
A polite cough interrupts you. An immaculately dressed woman is hovering nearby, eyeing your son curiously.
“Sorry to bother you, but I wanted to introduce myself properly. I’m Clarice, Emma’s mum,” she gestures to a girl clinging shyly to her leg.
“Lovely to meet you,” you say politely, shaking her offered hand. “I’m Y/N and this is Leon.”
You ruffle his curls and he gives a dimpled smile before hiding against your side. Clarice’s eyes flick between you and your son, a slight furrow in her brow.
“I hope I’m not overstepping, but I met Leon’s father yesterday during drop off. Is his mother … not around?” She asks delicately.
Your cheeks flush. Of course she would assume you’re the nanny, not the mother. Bracing yourself, you shake your head.
“No it’s okay! I’m his mother. Toto — Leon’s dad — had meetings today, so it’s my turn to do pickup.”
Clarice looks mortified. “Oh my goodness, I’m so sorry for assuming. You just look so young, I thought ...” she trails off, flustered.
You force an understanding smile. “Don’t worry, it’s an easy mistake. Our age difference does raise some eyebrows.” You punctuate this with an awkward laugh.
Clarice seems eager to change the subject. “What a beautiful baby!” She gushes, peering at your daughter sleeping in her carrier. “And so well behaved.”
Grateful for the redirected conversation, you chat politely about your little girl. Clarice coos over her sweetly.
Other parents begin dispersing with their kids and Clarice makes her goodbyes. “So lovely meeting you both. I’m sure I’ll see you around.”
You smile and take Leon’s hand to drive home, his chattering filling your ears. You know curious parents will likely gossip about Toto’s young wife. But it doesn’t sting as much as it once did. You’ve grown used to the assumptions by now.
Unlocking the front door, you’re greeted by the smell of cooking. Leon goes tearing off to the kitchen, shouting “Papa!” at the top of his lungs. Chuckling, you follow after, your daughter beginning to stir in her carrier.
Toto is there to sweep Leon into his arms, smothering his cheeks in kisses as your son giggles. The scene warms your heart.
Noticing your arrival, Toto sets Leon down to embrace you and peer at the baby. “How was pick up? Any tears today?” He asks Leon.
Your son shakes his head proudly. “I made a picture for you, Papa!” He runs off to retrieve it.
You meet Toto’s gaze over your daughter’s downy hair. “It was fine. Just the usual questions about my age from a school mum. She thought I was the nanny when we first met.”
You try to say it lightly, but Toto’s face tightens, protective anger flashing. Even after all this time, he hates when people judge you unfairly.
You touch his arm gently. “It’s okay, really. I don’t care what they think.”
And it’s true. The opinions of strangers can’t touch the beautiful family you’ve built together.
Toto lets out a long breath, anger melting away. “I know. But I still wish people could see you how I do.”
He pulls you close and you lean into him, breathing in his comforting scent. “As long as you and the kids see me, that’s all that matters.”
Leon comes barreling back in, brandishing his painting. “Look!!”
You both admire his abstract swirls of color dutifully. “A masterpiece!” Toto proclaims. “We’ll hang it on the fridge.”
Leon beams under the praise then dashes off again in pursuit of a toy.
You and Toto share a wry smile. “Never a dull moment with that one,” you remark. The baby begins fussing and you gently sway her.
“Here, let me.” Toto takes her expertly and she settles against his broad chest. Your heart squeezes at the sight.
Toto meets your gaze. “I know I’ve put you through a lot over the years. The stares, the gossip … you’ve endured it all with grace when you could have walked away.”
You stroke his cheek. “You and our family are worth any trial. I would do it all again without a second thought.”
Toto leans into your palm. “Having you by my side is the greatest gift.”
You kiss him softly, your heart brimming with love.
From the other room, Leon’s playful giggles reach you. The smell of dinner being prepared still fills the warm kitchen. And your baby girl doses off in her daddy’s arms.
This is your world. The only one that matters. And you know for certain you belong.
The Husband
The morning sun streams through the hotel window as you sip your coffee, scrolling absentmindedly through social media. Race weekends are always a whirlwind, but you’ve learned to carve out small moments of calm when you can.
Toto is already down in the paddock prepping for qualifying today. The room feels empty without him. Sighing, you click over to TikTok, hoping for a distraction.
Immediately a video pops up on your feed from a fan account, the caption “so cute!” catching your eye. You tap play, assuming it’s another clip of drivers’ kids or someone’s grid walk antics.
But you nearly spit out your coffee when the video loads. It’s Toto, standing by the circuit entrance, surrounded by a gaggle of teenage girls. They’re prodding phones toward him eagerly, voices babbling over one another.
“Toto, what’s it like being Y/N’s husband?” One asks boldly.
You freeze, breath caught in your throat. In all the years by Toto’s side, you’ve never heard anyone flip the script like that. It’s always been “what’s it like being Toto’s wife?” You’re an accessory to his fame, not the focus.
Toto looks momentarily surprised, then laughs good-naturedly. “She is extraordinary,” he proclaims sincerely. “Being with her is a privilege every day.”
The girls sigh dreamily at his romanticism. Another chimes in, “You must be so proud of everything she’s accomplished!”
Toto nods, his expression tender. “I am in awe of her strength and resilience. She has faced so much scrutiny with grace. And now people finally see her incredible spirit.”
You press a hand to your mouth as tears spring to your eyes. After years by his side, Toto’s steadfast faith in you still takes your breath away.
“So you’re proud to be Y/N’s husband?” The first girl presses.
“Absolutely.” Toto doesn’t hesitate. “She is my inspiration.”
The video ends and you sit staring at the screen, cheeks wet. Never did you imagine your own fans, separate from Toto. But these girls look up to you, see you as more than just “the wife.”
Your phone buzzes with a text from Toto.
Have you seen the video? The PR team says you’re trending on TikTok!
You type back shakily.
Just watched it. Made me cry happy tears 🥹
His response is immediate.
You deserve all the praise, meine liebchen. I meant every word.
Wiping your eyes, you get up and dress quickly. Down in the paddock, you spot Toto right away. He sweeps you into his arms.
“There’s my superstar wife.” His eyes shine with pride.
You kiss him fiercely. “Thank you for always believing in me. Even when I doubted myself.”
Toto touches your cheek. “You’ve earned every bit of admiration. Don’t ever forget your worth.”
As he walks you into the bustling garage, mechanics glance up from their work to smile and wave. The fans hover nearby, whispering excitedly when they see you.
You no longer feel out of place here. This is your world now, as much as Toto’s. You’ve claimed your seat at the table.
Standing confidently by your husband’s side, you wave back, ready to take on the day.
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