#I want them to be unhealthily obsessed but not in a way where anyone feels threatened by their family

[hererafjastori]

The bats having no concept of healthy boundaries in a relationship and using concerned tracking and stalking as their primary love language is something that can be so personal

Love the idea of the batfam all being equally unhinged like Tim calls dick every two days with “why’d you take the cameras I use to stalk you down :(“ Dick is always placing trackers on everyone, Bruce just fucking shows up and watches his kids go about their daily lives, Jason’s got eyes all over the city to ping him if someone matching his families description pops up, Barbra is always listening and watching like love that shit

[rivangel]

PLEASE write about Levi’s mental state, i’m begging you

He’s faced death and precarious situations since he was born, yet he’s still standing strong and hopeful, WHAT THE HELL I LOVE MY SHORT KING

IT'S FINALLY HERE😭im sorry anon i hope you're around to see this and if u are i hope i dont disappoint

the tone in this analysis is so weird because i kept getting caught between 'this is an apa paper no contractions, academic language, double spacing -' and 'this is a tumblr post about a fictional blorbo wtf r u on'

i also use some scientific language i try my best to explain but if this turns anyone off i don't blame them because im unhealthily obsessed

*i'm a third-year undergraduate psychology student w/ a concentration in psychopathology

tw/cw: discussion of childhood exposure to sex (not assault)

Foreword

I’ve been putting this off for a while (I’m forgetful and this topic is intimidating what can I say), but being a year out from graduating with my bachelor’s to become a mental health professional, and being a Levi scholar(/hj), I wanted to give this a shot. 

I wanted to dissect and examine Levi Ackerman’s mental health “currently” (as in general canon), and explain as thoroughly but as simply as possible how and why he thinks and acts the way he does.

Seeing how AOT is pretty renowned for leaving out the ‘insignificant’ details, especially character details, a good majority of my assertions and even details of his life are built off of correlations and “signs and symptoms”; meaning some things could be an aspect of Levi’s personality, or a symptom of psychopathology. 

 I will examine his childhood (especially his childhood), adolescence, young adulthood, and “present” adulthood, with a short summary at the end of where he might be mentally after the war.

*Lastly, I don’t like it when things I say about a series or character are taken as fact or make it implied that someone else’s thoughts are “wrong”. This is partly built on headcanons anyway, which are influenced by my own experiences. Don’t take away from this that this is me telling you what to think.*

Childhood

The most important period of development occurs in infancy and childhood, especially from the ages of 3-6. This is when a child learns where to find security, love, and basic skills, gaining stability as they develop.

Well, Kuchel died when Levi was 4.

Maternal Love / Learning Empathy / Anxious Attachment Style

Levi was born into deep poverty within a violent unwelcoming environment. Basic physical needs must have been very hard to meet (i.e., consistently fed enough, a clean environment, no physical threats). And where Levi was born is like the dictionary definition of a bad environment for a small child, excluding only his mother’s care and love.

As it’s generally understood in canon (and suggested from Levi’s special backstory manga so far) she was a caring parental figure early in Levi’s life that loved him unconditionally. We can conclude that Kuchel did everything within her power to compensate for both parenting Levi alone and shielding him the best she could from his horrible surroundings, teaching the kindness, goodness, and love that Levi would internalize and go on to strive for for his entire life. 

As far as we know, no other children lived in the brothel. Socialization is just as important for a young child as receiving love. With this isolation, it’s extremely difficult to learn how to connect to other people, or pick up on social cues. Levi would’ve never learned how to interact properly with his peers—aside from use of aggression and violence which Kenny would go on to instill in him.

With the danger/anxiety imposed by strangers, mostly if not entirely men, he would turn to his mother for comfort all. The. Time. 

And she would give him that support and affection of course. This early motherly affection is integral to child development: a child who receives empathy and affection is subliminally taught how to feel and express empathy towards others. 

While Levi’s surroundings were dangerous, lonely, and chaotic—traumatizing enough for a toddler or young child—Kuchel provided a safety net from that, so I think that Levi developed an anxious attachment as a child: exhibiting clinginess, excessive fear of abandonment, and an excessive need for security and/or reassurance.

Paternal Trauma / Potential Androphobia

Born and living in a brothel, we can assume that Levi was probably seen as a burden and a mistake by others, especially by men (both the likely majority of her customers and her boss).

AOT ch69; Before the Fall, ch34

This is likely in contrast to the women (those living and working in the brothel like Kuchel). They should know Kuchel if not as friends, then acquaintances who could empathize for her and her son. 

There’s an obvious trend here. If Levi is going to feel fear/danger/anxiety because of men, he should have a general aversion to men and-or the behavior of men who he encountered as a child. This is impossible to know for sure or in meaningful detail, but it seemed to be resolved by the time he became an adult if so.

Although Kenny in his words was no more than Levi's teacher, Levi did see him as a father figure.

The subject of Kenny will be expanded on later, but it's clear Kenny in no way resembled a father, who also would go on to abandon Levi (at the age of 11 or so). Children without father figures tend to struggle more emotionally, psychologically, and socially. Specifically, (especially boys) tend to exhibit intimidating/aggressive personas to compensate for resentment, fear, and unhappiness. 

Sexual Trauma (Tangent, Probably)

This is unconfirmed but a likely trauma Levi went through: exposure to sex as a child. There’s no way to confirm what he experienced, so I’ll function on ‘probably’s’ and ‘most likely’s’. 

Because Levi and Kuchel only lived in one room, other rooms in the brothel should have belonged to other women, and he was at the oldest four, I wager that he was babysat by women who Kuchel knew and/or was made to hide somewhere while she worked, such as in a cabinet.

(for reference)

AOT ch69

The odds are high that he was exposed to the aftermath of sexual violence (i.e., marks seen on his mother), and the sound or smells that have to do with it. That young, he wouldn’t know what it was, but he should have realized later as an adolescent.

In general, children regardless of gender exposed to sexual content usually experience early puberty (which is just as likely for impoverished children, or children who experience chronic high-stress in general); issues with intimacy; become desensitized to high-risk behavior; negative/inaccurate expectations about sex and relationships in the future; influence inappropriate behavior with other children or adults; sex addiction.

This is especially relevant to Levi’s fear of closeness/intimacy in the future. Exposure to sexual situations—possibly not including CSA in his case—very early in life inflicts on a child emotions and stress they don’t have the intellect or reasoning to process or understand. An extreme aversion to interpersonal relationships, especially physical ones, results.

This stress Levi must have felt, being powerless to this happening to his mother, is a different beast. Children aren’t capable of handling high levels of stress, and so the brain will automatically create coping mechanisms: dissociation (a severe form of “zoning out”; observing the self “from the third person”; numbness; the feeling of living in a dream), excessive daydreaming/overactive imagination, symptoms of PTSD (nightmares and terrors; flashbacks; spontaneous activation of fight-flight-freeze associated with anxiety; excessive worrying/fear; loneliness/self isolation). PTSD will also be prevalent in Levi’s later life, which I’ll delve into later.

Inappropriate behavior and sex addiction are also highlights for me because they shouldn’t exist in him based on Levi's personality and behavior throughout the series. In my opinion, Levi ought to associate sex with pain, shame, and violence; he does see it as an ordinary job—a means to an end. He should be desensitized to sex as a concept, but associates it personally with shame, sadness, and pain, possibly feeling disgust towards it. So it is highly likely that Levi in every stage of life following this experienced sexual repulsion (usually associated with high anxiety towards sex), a low libido, or a lack of sexual desire entirely. 

From a trauma perspective, he could avoid sexual topics of conversation, sexual settings (i.e., brothels), or an array of things which are sexually suggestive or he as a child possibly associated with sex (i.e., cleavage, panties, specific touch). Similarly, he might avoid direct reminders or have a post-traumatic reaction to them, such as anxiety or flashbacks (i.e., the sound of a bed creaking, the sight of wet clothes).

Importantly, it can be concluded that sexual violence was often exhibited, and the idea would be ingrained in him that sex, like everything else besides his relationship with his mother, is “give-and-take”, “victim-and-attacker”, and learn to be repulsed by intimacy. This impacts his willingness for later friendships and relationships as we’ll see later. 

Early Abandonment & Early Exposure to Death

As Kuchel’s health deteriorated, Levi’s sense of security would break down. Availability of shelter, food, and emotional support would be even less secure than before. He might have been providing for Kuchel for some time, even, as it can be gathered that he received little to no help from those around him while she was sick. To whatever length he had to take responsibility and both fear for Kuchel, this would cement a sense of responsibility and guilt in him from the age of just four years old.

He will fail to save her—regardless of the fact that that’s not his responsibility in the first place; a child wouldn’t understand that—and then lose her with nothing he could do to even cushion the blow.

How powerless he must’ve felt. How hopeless. How likely is it that Levi found comfort in joining her? A child his age wouldn’t be able to comprehend death, basing our understanding on Piaget’s theory of cognitive development. To summarize, at the age of six or seven, children aren’t capable of complex, abstract thought like death or the finality of it. But Levi had to learn early. 

AOT ch69

This will be center in his “clean-freak” tendencies later.

Adolescence

Most of this section is going to be rather vague again, but we already got the bulk of that over with in childhood!

Emotional Train Wreck / Lack of Identity 

It’s hard to notice if you’re not paying attention, but in every scene we’re shown with Levi after his mother dies but before Kenny leaves, he’s wearing some variation of his mother’s one dress styled into a shirt. He loves her endlessly, even or especially in death. And part of cherishing her memory, to him, should’ve been taking after her as much as he could.

That’s how to explain why he didn’t become a cruel person (Kenny for instance) as he grew into a teenager, even though much of Levi’s outlook and behaviors come from him (ch57).

The more pertinent question is how extreme violence, reinforcement of the idea that that violence is power, and Kenny’s total (or most likely total) lack of communicated emotional connection affected him.

Levi would still desperately want that connection deep down, especially with his mother gone. This is a major reason why Levi sought to get stronger to please Kenny. For chronically abandoned people, that continues into adulthood and even beyond. A hole inside which can't be filled.

AOT ch69

Chronic loneliness—like I explained before—basically explains his aloof nature and awkward disposition. It’s not that Levi feels as detached as he looks, but he doesn’t know how to express himself or open up. He wouldn’t learn how to process his emotions, let alone talk about them. He’s basically emotionally stunted and immature in impersonal relationships (between friends and especially in regards to intimacy).

The Underground’s environment also makes him socially awkward, rude, of course stoic/not very expressive, and blunt. Levi was forced to become extremely observant of people to suss out their intentions, remaining vigilant of his surroundings at all times.

Levi doesn’t even get affection in any sense anymore. He doesn’t get a hug or a pat on the back, and he certainly doesn’t get a shoulder to cry on.

If anything, Kenny would punish him for showing weakness. Vulnerability is weakness; weakness is death.

What results is a continuous and boundless sense of emptiness inside that can’t be filled. He’s plagued by a chronic sense of unbelonging and loneliness. There’s no time or opportunity to develop “normally” as an adolescent. Socialization is limited at best; thinking of his place in the world is irrelevant when his one and only most pressing goal is survival; he doesn’t get to explore hobbies or interests.

OCD Propensity

One “interest” Levi is passionate about is cleaning, at least. Disease is what caused his mother to die. The easiest cause to point to would be their disgusting surroundings (although, Kuchel was infected by a customer). It is canon that Levi’s love of cleaning comes from "his personal experiences". In that interview, Levi first specifically references the important of fighting disease.

In other words, his "clean freak" nature comes, primarily, from the death of his mother: Filth -> disease -> death, and abandonment by extension.

His mother would’ve encouraged him to keep their room clean. There were times he or she had to have come down with something and dirtiness was the cause. On top of Kenny’s enforcement to keep up “clean” appearances to garner respect from everyone else in the Underground. 

This in particular is extremely relevant to his mental health. When someone feels out of control of what is happening to them, especially in a recurring way, and especially as a child who doesn't yet know how to feel stable in an unstable environment, they look for something to control. It can be weight, bodily functions (blinking, breathing, etc), dominance over others, or cleaning, for instance.

Fear of disease, the urgent need to have control, and the basic need for stability makes it obvious that Levi would become obsessed with cleaning. And moreover, developing OCD (Obsessive Compulsive Disorder). I’ll go deeper into this diagnosis later.

Lack of Self Worth

Despite the acknowledgment throughout canon that he trusts in his own strength, it wasn’t always that way.

Canonically, Levi sought praise from Kenny by showing his strength because that was the only thing he received praise for. The conclusion Levi came to once Kenny left him was that he wasn’t strong enough (wasn’t good enough) to warrant staying with him.

In conjunction, Levi’s first conclusion was that he did something wrong, not that Kenny possibly had some obligation that forced him to leave the Underground, pointing again to his own lack of self-worth.

This scenario created a complex in him, the very root cause of Levi’s pain, the very foundation of what Levi would go on to prioritize in adulthood. If he isn’t useful to those he wants not to abandon him, he’s worthless. He’s only useful when he shows his strength. Every other aspect of him like his interests is either irrelevant or bland by default in his eyes.

He would go on to make it his mission to try his best to be good enough in order to save and protect the lives of others, but foremost those he cares about.

Young Adulthood

Our first exposure to Levi as an adult is in A Choice with No Regrets, his OVA/backstory.

(By the way, I’ll be basing this analysis off a mix of the manga and the OVA.)

Emotional Immaturity/Affective Dysregulation

Generally, Levi’s defining negative character trait as a young adult is his emotional immaturity/anti-social behavior. Yes he’s grumpy and rude which is always indicative of him, but he’s very quick to anger, too. He cursed at the Squad Leader who offended him (by assuming that because he, Isabel, and Farlan are from the Underground, they’d be dirty), and argued furiously with Farlan that he would kill Erwin—not because it was required for the job, but because he disrespected him—for a few examples. 

ACWNR ch2

He tended to be arrogant, too. Such as when he ultimately called a Scout who had experience with the Titans stupid for telling Levi to hold his swords in a certain way. He spoke to every officer the same as he would anyone on the street, having a remarkable lack of basic respect for authority. He was insistent on distancing himself from the entire setting and structure of the Scouts as much as possible, both to not get attached, and he found their mission childish/foolish. 

He’s rather selfish. There is nothing Levi cares about genuinely more than Isabel’s and Farlan’s lives and the job that will set them up with a good future. Farlan’s advice is the only one’s he takes and the only judgment outside himself that he considers, such as when Farlan asks him to not cause trouble with authority to keep a low profile, but even then he acts stubborn. Levi trusts nobody wholeheartedly except himself (until later in ACWNR).

There’s a cognitive dissonance in him. Growing up, and still as a young adult, Levi’s headspace is marked by fear and uncertainty, with his power as his source of confidence. The first time he kills a Titan (with Isabel and Farlan), he uses too much gas because he refuses to potentially risk his friends’ lives; when the expedition is upcoming, he abruptly tells Farlan and Isabel to find a reason to stay back, and that he’ll complete the dangerous part of the job on his own. 

Levi is full of repressed fear and uncertainty. He hides and/or buries all of it for the sake of self-preservation both emotionally and physically.

Antisocial Personality…?

It’s extremely interesting how a character as selfless, heroic, and empathetic as Levi exhibits antisocial symptoms. I’d even argue that if his childhood was spent entirely without his mother figure, then he might be a dictionary definition of ASPD (Antisocial Personality Disorder).

People with this disorder live day-to-day under the constant assumption that whoever is around them is “out to get them”/searching for a weakness to exploit. Humanity is made up of only prey and predators; morals are completely subjective, perpetuated by the society that surrounds them. This constant need to defend oneself, the effect of the exact trauma the potential sociopath experienced, combined with a muted emotional spectrum, results in a complete disregard of everything, including people outside of themself. They might believe they’re entitled to comfort or admiration, but overall, they’re intensely self-serving, often aggressive, and ruthless. 

Because Levi for instance learned to rely on violence both for “love” and survival, then he might fall on violence to manipulate a person or situation into serving himself. I see reason to believe that Levi could have grown into worse than Kenny’s image if it weren’t for his mother’s influence.

However, the greatest cause for deniability is Levi’s wide emotional spectrum (especially including empathy and shame), while a lack of shame is the most significant marker of ASPD . (It is arguably one of many testaments to his strength that a victim of so much suffering, violence, and cruelty could become a man as empathetic as him.) 

However, these tendencies may still be relevant: A sense of arrogance—both to the way Levi thinks of some who he perceives as weak and live without good morals—lacking issue with using deceit or violence to attain a goal, and living outside the rule of authority.

I go into more detail about this idea here.

Conclusion

As is true in general, there’s very little to say of mental development once someone has reached their early–mid-twenties. What we know of Levi’s young adulthood does reinforce his fear of abandonment, but he finds a cause where his strength and compassion can be “put to good use” and give to him a life that is worth living.

Conclusion: the ‘Present’/Diagnoses Overview

C-PTSD (Complex Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder)

Levi’s emotional dysregulation (i.e., inability to sit with and process negative emotions), his difficulties in relationships, insomnia, negative worldview, absent sense of self, and finally, his persistent sense of unworthiness/worthlessness are all indicative of C-PTSD. It’s distinct from PTSD in that he didn’t endure one short-term traumatizing event, but he grew up surrounded by trauma and saw it as normal (e.g., gang violence, extreme poverty, death of a parent, (more presumably) physically and emotionally abusive parental figure). Levi as a child developed no understanding of a nurturing, secure environment. 

Negative/Absent Sense of Self

I’ve talked about this at length already, but it’s worth noting how Levi’s perception of himself must have changed when it was revealed that he is extremely strong physically not from his own efforts as much, but because he’s an Ackerman. 

His self-confidence and self-worth have always been built on the foundation of his strength. He’s useful if he’s strong, so he’s worthy if he’s strong. Along with the extreme high pressure his goal to kill Zeke put on him in season four, he might have gone to extreme measures to compensate for his strength he might have felt was “unearned” (such as excessive exercise for example). This is an aside, but it was a blow to him for sure.

Emotional Dysregulation

The causes of emotional dysregulation generally which he experienced are as follows: early childhood trauma, feelings ignored, judged, or invalidated at a young age, and physical and emotional child neglect. Beyond his first four years of life with his mother, Levi experienced all these things (early exposure to sex and likely exposure to domestic violence aside). 

It’s important to focus on emotional neglect specifically, when any and all perceived “weakness”, no matter how small, is unacceptable to Levi. He will never ask for help (being independent to a fault), he can’t define or process his emotions, and it doesn’t occur to him—and it could be a shock—when he learns that his friends care about him, not him insofar as how useful he is. 

As an adult, Levi appears to be emotionally mature, but I argue that this isn’t the case. It’s more accurate to say that he has better control over his emotions (in that he buries them or ignores them) with a mature outlook because of all his experiences with suffering.

Similarly, he’s not outwardly emotional not because he’s antisocial (as related to ASPD, not introversion), but because he’s so “emotionally constipated” that he’s numbed the vast majority of the time.

Relationship Issues + Fear of Abandonment

Because of his fear of abandonment and impaired emotional intelligence in close relational conflict, he’s extremely passive and/or passive aggressive. In order to avoid potential abandonment, he doesn’t go out of his way to win major arguments—such as threatening to break Erwin’s legs if he didn’t stay away from the expedition in season three, but ultimately giving in. He’s also more likely to sneak petty insults into arguments, give “silent treatment”, slam doors, etc. His kindness and exceptional empathy shouldn’t let him be physically or overly violent.

These are likely additions to why Levi doesn’t foster many close relationships.

Fittingly, as a child I thought that Levi might have had an anxious attachment style (clingy, excessive need for security), but as this possibility for security was removed entirely, and he was taught to not rely on others, he would develop more of an overt avoidant attachment in adulthood in combination (fearful-avoidant): making very few emotional demands—even though he has needs—withdrawing when there’s conflict, acting aloof yet fearing abandonment, having difficulty expressing emotions he feels intensely, and fear of depending on someone else.

Anxiety

His cool-headedness even in the heat of battle/war (other factors like experience aside) is exactly what you would expect from someone diagnosed with C-PTSD; he’s accustomed to chronic high-stress. But small stressors (i.e., a change of plans) are overwhelming and make him quick to anger/excessive annoyance.

OCD

Emotional dysregulation is also closely associated with OCD.

OCD is much much more than being concerned with keeping clean or organized. OCD is an anxiety disorder composed of anxiety-related obsessions and compulsions, such as frequent and disturbing thoughts or images (intrusive thoughts). These attempt to be managed through rituals (i.e., handwashing, counting in patterns). Although symptoms will fluctuate with anxiety, OCD at its baseline is a distressing disorder.

Since he was young, Levi should have had an incessant need to be in control at all times. A shining example of this is his mother’s death, an incident he couldn’t control but included dirtiness/disease as a cause he could pinpoint, so this anxiety with dirtiness becomes a major obsession, and the compulsion is cleaning. (Putting aside the fact that Levi enjoys cleaning by itself too.)

It’s a widely-held belief that if Levi has OCD, it’s contamination OCD, as it specifically has to do with an obsession with dirtiness and a compulsion in cleaning (i.e., damaging handwashing, ritualized bathing that may take hours). However, based on the multitude of times Levi was covered in blood and remained unbothered by it (Titan and human), and in fact the obsession’s lack of relevance entirely during urgent missions/situations, contamination OCD is simply not plausible. Instead, it’s general OCD.

There’s no way to know for sure, but I don’t see his OCD as mild or severe. Levi is an extremely orderly and balanced person, so it can be concluded he must have things done a certain way, routinely, organizational, or planned; when the dirtiness is “negative” (i.e., Titan blood, blood on a knife he used to kill Isabel’s attackers), he is never more rigid with cleanliness; it’s probable he suffers intrusive thoughts (likely of the violent nature), a fear of contamination, and/or counting ritualistically, but the most obvious compulsion is cleaning. He might have sensory issues, such as disgust if he happens to brush shoulders with a stranger; aversion to particularly bright lights, irrational rage towards “mouth sounds” (i.e., chewing, coughing, swallowing), etc.

EDNOS (Eating Disorder Not Otherwise Specified)

Levi should have a complicated relationship with food to say the least. 

In the realm of eating disorders, EDNOS is sort of a catch-all term when an individual doesn’t qualify for the diagnostic criteria of anorexia or bulimia, and it encompasses lesser-known eating disorders like Pica. It’s the most common diagnosis for clinical eating disorders.

I already covered how integral the early years of life are, and beginning at a young age, if children aren’t given a basic need like food, and they must seek out food on their own, it becomes an anxiety deeply rooted in the brain regardless of how well-fed they are when they’re older. There will always be an urge to have food available. Levi’s years in the Underground were spent either actively starving, or going about every single day having acquiring food as top priority. He was a young adult when he left, so it’s impossible to unlearn this (without extensive therapy, which Levi doesn’t seek). It’s similar to compulsions found in OCD: even though he logically knows that there will be a dinner after lunch, it’s impossible to put aside this worry. 

That may mean always having food stashed, eating too much—especially in his early years Aboveground when he’d eat as much food in a day than he’d eat in a week Underground— stealing food, or eating way too quickly (as someone who lived in a place where food was considered something of a luxury resource and threatened being stolen at any time).

The latter factor contributes to Levi’s suggested preference to only eat alone—joining the fact that Levi only eats with Erwin after expeditions. Eating in front of others should be considered a weakness to him.

As time passes with this easy access to food, combined with his extremely narrow sense of what makes him “good enough”, his relationship with eating may become toxic. Especially when the stakes of his worthiness are so high—literally life and death. He may think that he’s privileged to eat at all, and when he feels worthless, he restricts himself from that “privilege”. 

He may be so accustomed to the feeling of hunger, that it doesn’t immediately register with his mind when he is hungry.

Lastly, he may have a generally low appetite. This is often associated with depression, but depression is comorbid with C-PTSD.

Misc.

Some tangents/miscellaneous speculation about Levi’s psychology:

Queer?

Sexuality is formed and shifts due to a wide variety of factors, which most if not all are terribly understudied: genetics, hormones, and your environment/experiences. So again, my speculation.

With his fear of close relationships and negative experiences with sex, I think he should land somewhere on the queer spectrum, specifically under the asexual or aromantic umbrella (i.e., pansexuality/being panromantic (attraction to personality) and demisexuality/being demiromantic (attraction only to those he has an emotional connection to)).

MDD

The odds of Levi having MDD (major depressive disorder/clinical depression) are iffy. Most if not all of the symptoms are comorbid with childhood trauma and C-PTSD: Such as persistent apathy, guilt, and/or discontent; sleeping too much or too little; lack of energy; reduced or heightened appetite; irritability. 

Oftentimes, depression, C-/PTSD, and related mental illnesses cause unexplained physical pain, such as back pain and occasional tension headaches. “Stress hormones” like adrenaline are built-up in the body, and usually persist without physical therapy and-or medication (Disclaimer this mention is based on nothing more than Levi always standing with at least one hand on his hip).

Body Language

Similar can be said of his body language from a cognitive perspective. The vast majority of the time, Levi has himself closed-off in some way, usually by crossing his arms to protect his chest; a subconscious barrier between oneself and another person.

Also see this official art of Levi asleep.

Afterword

We’ve known it’s not just Levi’s physical strength and skill that makes him the strongest, right? It should take immense mental strength to make it day-by-day dealing with the trauma and issues that he does, but not only has he survived and continues to, but he lives heroically, selflessly, with the wellbeing of everyone around him as a top priority. He buries all of his pain by moving forward always and without exception regardless of how painful the present is. Living with “no regrets” should in mental respects be a guise for pushing his trauma down, too; there’s just no words that can properly do Levi’s resilience justice.

Part of me wants to go into detail about his later adulthood, but given how very little we know (right now), I think it’d be too speculative.

However, based on what we have seen at the ending of AOT, it’s comforting to know and plain to see that Levi wasn’t defeated when he “lost” the reason to be so strong, and even his strength itself; he didn’t lose his love for his friends nor of life. 

In middle age, based on Erikson’s psychosocial stages, the conflict that should enter Levi’s life is the idea of generativity versus stagnation. He seems satisfied with his life despite the negative effects of all he went through—grief, physical disability, inevitable mental scarring—and he’s still concerned with helping others, especially the younger generation in a world after the overwhelming devastation that was the Rumbling.

My speculated psychopathologies/diagnoses of Levi:

C-PTSD (insomnia prevalent)

OCD (contamination obsessions)

EDNOS

[violetasteracademic]

The bonus chapter that ended Nessian

This is honestly really surprising to me. Apparently there are people out there that think Nesta and Cassian are going to end up together. Have they not read their bonus chapter? SJM effectively ended them.

First of all, the way they think about each other is not romantic at all:

Cassian has no idea where he stands with her, and as you can see, he is so unhealthily obsessed with Nesta that he can't stop thinking about her and literally rushed to interact with her even though she doesn't even like him and is mean to him! If Sarah wanted this be be romantic, she could have made totally different choices. We could have learned they shared secret touches or looks, have their fingers trembling or breath catching around each other. But no, just confusion and unhealthy obsession on Cassian's part. Honestly, he kinda seems like an incel here.

Worse than that, it's clear he obviously only lusts after her:

He literally has not said one thing about her personality! He's just weirdly obsessed with her boobs and her scent and is just thinking about her stroking him. If we were supposed to have gleaned he has real feelings for her, and not just lust, couldn't Sarah have added something more sweet and personal here? I don't know. Maybe he could have brought her a thoughtful present that shows how much he sees and understands her when no one else does. But no. He just wants to get laid and touch her boobs. Honestly, ugh.

And let's not even get started about the Mor thing!

Cassian slept with Mor because he was jealous of Azriel! And if you recall, in ACOMAF Morrigan said Cassian just wants what he can't have and it has driven Cassian crazy for centuries that Mor never wanted him again after they slept together once. Rhys confirms this too.

Nesta clearly is not interested in Cassian. In fact, she knees him in the balls right after this. Honestly? This actually seems like a really toxic perpetuation of the Mor situation. Cassian yet again wants what he can't have, and it is actually in the canon text that he has this problem. Also, notice that he's ashamed of this situation and embarrassed to tell Mor about it? That's not a very good setup for a romance. He should have the full support of his friends and family in order for Nessian to work.

He calls himself stupid, he knows it's wrong, he just doesn't care for a moment because of the lust. Again, Nesta knees him in the balls. Not interested. Take a hint you creepy incel! And even though he was fully planning on devouring her lips, he is clearly not anymore!

But here's the real nail in the coffin:

Nesta forbids him from coming back. She threatens that she'll scream if he does and she is only willing to work with and talk to anyone but him. How is he supposed to get around that? How is their relationship supposed to develop if he is forbidden from talking to her and seeing her? I just don't understand how this is supposed to resolve in the books. At least hundreds, if not a few thousand of the tens or hundreds of thousands of SJM readers have read this bonus chapter. There's no way to come back from this.

Also- did you notice in ACOFAS Nessian's same drama is still playing out, but SJM interestingly enough introduces a character named Emerie and they have a scene together? Seems like SJM is clearly telling us Nessian isn't happening and setting up a new love interest for Cassian. Based on their limited interactions, it's actually really obvious to me that they are a much better fit and there is already a ton of foreshadowing that they are endgame. In fact, I think they are mates!

I swear this has nothing to do with the fact that I dislike Nesta. I mean, do I dislike her, and do I think Cassian deserves better? Yeah. But that's not relevant here. What's relevant is text and foreshadowing and the fact that I don't like Nesta and think Cassian deserves better because I've self inserted myself into Sarah's writing and want her to do what I want and I don't want Archeron sisters I don't like winding up with a bat boy I love.

Wait no... Ignore that second part I didn't mean to type that out.

[kuroshika]

the idea of hannibal continuing to cannibalize people after his younger sister is something i think about a lot. i like to think that it's out of honor - mischa was just a little girl. she was just in the wrong place at the wrong time, and she was such a sweetheart. and she was just taken from him, in front of his eyes. just think about it.

he was eight years old. his parents had just been killed, and he and his younger sister abducted. he watched his captors murder and eat his little sister, then feed some of her remains to him.

so why would he keep doing it? wouldn't that be a disgrace to her memory?

i think his way of honoring her memory is by doing it willingly. by killing and eating those he finds rude or unworthy of the life they'd been given, he's avenging mischa's death. taking from the people who don't deserve it to avenge someone who had their whole life ahead of them.

that's why, i think, he's torn between wanting will alive and wanting to eat him.

mischa was one of the few people in hannibal's life who knew him inside and out. he let her see him, know him, and she was lost to him. he'd honored her body, in the least, by eating her.

when bedelia says "could he daily feel a stab of hunger for you, and feel nourishment at the sight of you?" i think that ties in here.

he's fighting with himself. he wants to honor will the same way he honored mischa - not because he doesn't deserve the life he has, but because hannibal thinks the world isn't worthy of having him. he hungers for will because he wants to honor him - he wants to honor his god. he feels that hunger whenever he sees him, that's the "daily stab of hunger". but "having nourishment at the sight of you" means that hannibal is sated by seeing that he's still alive, still fighting - the visage he never got for his little sister. he aches to honor will, to protect him, but has his hunger curbed by the knowledge that will is still alive.

and when he realizes how attached he is to will, after bedelia tells him he's unhealthily obsessed, that's why his response is "i have to eat him". because he won't survive the loss of will, and being so close to him is already a strain on his self control. he let will see him, know him, and now that obsession comes with a certain sense of fear - what if he fails to keep will safe? what if his involvement in his life leads to his death? that's why he's so desperate to alienate him at first - remove any threats that will may surround himself with so that hannibal can keep him safe. and not even that works. so then he moves on to murder - bedelia, tobias, abigail - anyone who poses a threat to keeping will alive and safe. still doesn't work. when that doesn't work, he opts to get him arrested - to forcibly make sure that no harm can befall him. no result.

so then he turns to getting himself locked up. in removing himself from will's life, he assuages the chances of damage being done, and lessens the possibility of losing him. that's why he says "i wanted you to know where i was, and what i was doing", because he wanted will to understand that this decision was for will's sake, not his own.

and it doesn't work, because will comes back for him.

"can't live with him, can't live without him". can't live with him because there's always the underlying urge to devour him, to carve a place inside of hannibal for him. can't live without him, because will's loss would be the tipping point for hannibal's restraint.

"i feel like i've dragged you into my world" - "i got here on my own" can also be a pretty solid quote for hannibal accepting that he's let all of this madness into his carefully crafted life all for will. he let himself grow close to will, and is content in reaping the consequences of his actions.

@lesbian-hannibal @craqueluring

[cringecannon]

I’m obsessed with the idea of there being some Normal Person ™️ who was kind to Astarion when he was a vampire spawn that maybe he’s a little unhealthily obsessed with. Maybe they’re a bartender at one of the establishments where he picked up victims for Cazador, maybe a seamstress who gave him thread for his embroidery or to patch up his clothing, maybe just someone who had kind words for him and didn’t try to hit on him, who knows? But it would be verrrrrry interesting to see an Ascendant Astarion encountering that Normal Person again, maybe deciding to “reward” them for being kind to him when he was nothing. Though I’m not sure if his idea of a reward would be what they would consider a reward….

(Also as an aside, I love your writing! I check your blog daily and my friends and I are constantly sending each other your Gortash and Astarion posts like “wake up, babe, new cringecannon dropped”)

He wasn't entirely sure why he was so enamored with you. To put it bluntly, you were just so... plain. Unassuming. Normal. Sure, you were nice. Plenty of people were nice to him though, and he didn't spare them a second thought. He watches you over the chalice of wine in his hand, seated in a dark corner of the bar.

Dark eyes follow the movement of your fingers as you carefully flip the page of whatever book you're reading. He glances up to your mouth, memorizing the twitch of your lip as you half-smile at some thought. Vanity rears it's head. You must be thinking of him. You had spoken to him for maybe a minute, one transaction out of hundreds, but how often did you get to see a face as pretty as his?

Not often, he hopes. A bolt of insecurity cuts through him. He feels pathetic, desperate. It sickens him. He could take anyone in this tavern home with him, and he's not going to sit around and let you make him feel inferior. His eyes settle on some pretty thing sitting alone at the bar and takes his wine with him, swaying over to his mark. Out of the corner of his eye, he tries to see if you're watching. You're not, staring down at your book like it's the most important thing in the room. He refuses to let you deflate his ego. His master wouldn't want you anyway. He'll waste no more time obsessing over some boring nobody.

He does, though. Watching you becomes a treat for him. Speaking with you when he shops becomes a whole event. The last time he saw you, you'd finally started to recognize him. A warm smile lit up your face as you reached for the exact kind of thread he always comes in for. It was fate, of course, that he'd be abducted the next day.

That first night in camp he wonders if you'll miss him. If you'd think about him as fondly as he thinks of you. Reality crashes in, and the fact that you probably won't is bittersweet. He had been playing a dangerous game with you. Any closer, and Cazador probably would have found out. You'd have been just another thing to take away from him. It was safer this way.

He doesn't think about you much after that. Facing death everyday tends to do that.

It's not until Cazador's blood has long since dried on his hands that he thinks of you. He washes his skin absentmindedly, trying to remember all that he could about you. It wasn't much, honestly. He didn't know your name, but he knew the kind of books you liked to read and the way your eyes shined when your hand touched his when he paid for his thread. It was a start. No one else in camp had kept his attention long. He needs someone to sit by his side and look good for all eternity, and you'd do just fine.

That settles it, in his mind. When the elder brain business is over, he'll start courting you. He thinks he should start by buying the shop you work in. Get rid of the owner somehow, and then he'll give it to you. Once you fall for him (and you will, because you're just too perfect to be so ungrateful after receiving such a thoughtful gift), he'll invite you to live in his new manor. If you're a bit more stubborn, it won't matter. He's not yet sure what hovel you live in, but he's sure you'll appreciate the upgrade.

He sits up a little taller, a small smile on his face as he dries his hands. Should he make you his spawn before he marries you, or after? On one hand, it'd be the perfect way to start the honeymoon. On the other, if he turns you early your cooperation would be guaranteed. He hums to himself. Decisions, decisions. Honestly, it's too soon to worry about it. He has the rest of his everlasting life to woo you. No point stressing over it now.

[yandere-sins]

i’m just gonna say this here because you’re super sweet to asks, and i was just thinking of this, but this is more as a personal preference kind of thing. was thinking how much i would actually hate a manipulative type yan, but they’re one of my favourites, because i think the appeal to yandere is almost the horror element, and that’s rarely pleasant, though maybe i’m just a masochist. i’m very authentic (i’ve tried a few times in my life to appear more appealing but the truth is i just don’t have that skill), i pretty much wear my heart on my sleeve, and that naturally puts most people off, actually, because i am pretty intense, for lack of a better term. due to this intensity, i like reading about someone who is potentially darker than me. but here, i think the worst type of person to be with would be someone who tries to ‘condition’ me, in some way—i’d hate that to my core, yet that’s very appealing to me in this genre. i read them because it makes me grit my teeth and want to scream and sometimes i actually, literally thrash around on my bed from frustration, and from the outside, if i were to describe how it makes me feel, it would sound like i don’t enjoy what i read, and… i almost don’t? i mean, i do, but it’s kind of like going on a rollercoaster, where the appeal is how scary it’s gonna be; the appeal is how much i dislike it on principle. for me, the genre kind of goes beyond “i’d love a person who would kill for me and love me obsessively” because that i feel like i’m just totally fine with, but that real fight against something i know is so deeply against who i am coming from someone who supposedly loves me entirely and unhealthily, that’s just thrilling to me, and upsetting, actually. it’s like oh, i want to fucking kill this guy right now, but it’s also this weird thing of, someone loves me in such a deep way, but also kind of wants to change me? lot of words here to not say much, forgive me, but the most fun i have with the genre is when it’s not fun. i don’t think any of this made sense, but while i’m here i want to ask, what do you think about what i said about a manipulative yan wanting to “change” their darling? as in, do you think that’s an accurate description? because how can someone love you if they want to change you? curious on your general opinion on that. i literally go feral over this shit, take tumblr away from me. i seek this stuff out and then get so angry and to anyone else it must seem like i’m torturing myself, and in a way, i kind of am. but it’s good. you’re very good at what you do here, really gets me immersed. this is a weird point but anger tends to exhaust me, so when i’m having trouble sleeping, sometimes i’ll read some of your stuff like that, and i’ll sleep like a fucking baby. woooo, we really don’t deserve you.

Not sure if you ever heard about it, but I've read before that the reason why many people, who are anxious or suffering with mental health problems, like True Crime so much is because the scenarios in our heads are oftentimes so frightening, that hearing about real, scary stories is actually helping us calm down.

If that is true, and I lean toward it being true, then that sounds like what you are doing reading yandere stories! Of course there is also the whole "being loved without restrictions" and "being chosen" aspect to it that many point out when talking about why they like yandere, but yeah.

No matter in which way, I am glad my stories help you understand yourself better and cope with stuff! Please be mindful about your consumption and take a breather when you feel like it's too much, but thanks for reading my stuff! ^^ ♥

[brucewaynehater101]

Hey I'm gonna write something about Tim x male Oc but I don't know if it's good enough so I have this idea:

One, the Oc is actually someone in the past that got dragged to the present where Tim is and started to get closer to him but it's going to be revealed that Tim also from the past but in the past they weren't meant to be together.

Two, what if, from the first idea. My oc and Tim actually MEANT to be together like the Andromeda and Milky way Galaxy but it's gonna take a long time for them to realize that, they're in love with each other from the moment both save the other and be there for the other from the very start until the end.

Three, Tim was killed but regressed where he almost got killed by Jason at the Titans Tower and was saved by someone mysterious that led him to feel some sort of grateful to his savior. Meanwhile that savior is actually stalking him and that is My oc, he's gonna be there whenever Tim is and cut down any foe in Tim's way. So basically the Savior x Salvation (bcs Tim sees him as his Savior and my oc sees Tim as his Salvation that needs to be protected from anyone or anything.)

Anyway that's all, I just need to hear from someone about my idea :3 (it's just for silly things :P)

No worries! Glad to chat about it ^^ I'm not really one for romance, but it's still really fun to explore ideas.

Both being from the past in intriguing. I'm curious from what era they both come from (or maybe even separate time eras) and what their past was like.

Hmm... If you're doing fated lovers (that's what I'm assuming the reference means), there's a few ways to represent that. There are classic soulmate marks/indications. If they don't realize it at first, perhaps they either are both secretive about their marks or marks can be either platonic or romantic (with no obvious indication of which is which).

If not soulmarks, you could mess around with the canon gods, magic, etc. Perhaps someone sees their souls are intertwined or a god tells them or even a god curses them to make their path to romance harder.

As far as the savior one... That one is tricky. How consensual and non-toxic are we talking?

Don't get me wrong. I crave the dynamic of people who are consensually unhealthily mutually obsessed with each other. It's so fucking compelling. Various types of relationships can be super fun to play around with in fiction (although, to not trigger myself, they both or all of them have to want to be in that type of relationship with each other).

Anyways, what levels are we chatting about here?

For the OC, their perspective of Tim kind of reminds me of the song "My Way of Life" by Frank Sinatra. I absolutely love that song. The lyrics kind of match the vibe of the OC seeing Tim as his salvation ("Gotta have you near all the time with your dreams wrapped in mine. Gotta be part of your soul and your heart all the time. Nothing in the world that I do means a thing without you. I'm just half alive in my struggle to survive without you. You are my way of life. The only way I know. You are my way of life. I'll never let you go").

Just OC seeing Tim, his salvation, and doing everything he can and must for him.

Tim seeing the OC as his savior can be tricky. I think it's called the hero effect? Something something adrenaline, being protected, etc. causes someone to fall in love with their savior. However, this can cause a power imbalance.

You've managed to negate that a bit with the OC seeing Tim as their salvation. Despite that, there would need to be seriously work on communication, getting to know each other, building trust, and commitment before the relationship would work.

If you want them to be mutually unhealthily obsessed with each other (and a stalking each other vibes), Tim becomes consumed by the mystery of this person.

If Tim regressed, then who is this? Who is this person who never showed up in the first timeline?

Lots of exciting ways to take it ^^

[aceghosts]

Romantic Tarot Card Pairing for OTPs

Hey everyone! I was tagged to do this uquiz by @inafieldofdaisies. Thanks for tagging me!

Since I'm early, I'm going to tag a bunch of people: @sstewyhosseini, @jinfromyarikawa, @marivenah, @jillvalentinesday, @alexxmason, @voidika , @anonymousmalkavian, @clicheantagonist, @commander-krios, @direwombat, @cassietrn, @eclecticwildflowers, @roofgeese, @killerspinal, @children-of-epiales, @strangefable, @theelderhazelnut, @captastra, @chazz-anova, and anyone else who would like to do this!

Blue Murphy & Grace Armstrong

the two of cups + the star

your romance is a wish granted. finally, finally, they're here. finally, *it's* here! the time where you don't have to feel lonely anymore - you'll never feel that way ever again. laughter, joy, sweetness, kisses - be at ease. all of these are things you have found someone to share with. your love is a dreamy fantasy of love and devotion and miracles. at first, your chest gets too tight when they're around - until they become as natural as the air in your lungs.

Hunter Delaney & Albert Wesker

the devil + the emperor

there's only one religion for the two of you, and that religion is the other. you two are very nearly unhealthily obsessed with one another, and that's just how you like it. when they touch you, they can feel the blood pumping under the surface of your skin. your hearts beat for one another. when the day comes that one stops, the other will soon after. until then, you both will live out your lives in perfect, gothy paradise.

Riley Callahan & Ingo

knight of pentacles + the magician

if there's something you want, you will GET IT. nothing escapes your fingertips. after all, you're the power couple. your pairing sparks pure cosmic energy. you're fiercely driven to your goals - whether that be status, fortune, or power. you're also fiercely protective of one another. with the knight's earthy energy, you both prefer to purposefully make your way towards your ambitions, rather than playing cards too early or acting too loosely. meanwhile, the magician's half makes gives you a little fire. if they get too close, onlookers and threats to your relationship may get burned.

Emerson Wright & Ricardo Ortega

the tower + the lovers

meeting this person shook your whole world. crumbling down is everything you thought you knew about life and love. their warmth, their generosity, their naivete, their knowing...! you don't know how anything made sense before them. all you know is that nothing will make sense afterwards.

[felassan]

its that time again! 🍵 

Thoughts/wonderings on Dragon Age: The Missing #4, under a cut due to spoilers for The Missing -

I'm probably becoming a lil unhealthily obsessed with this building. what do we think it is? the Archon's Palace is the highest building in Minrathous (tho I guess not, as it has sewers and this is floating). A Circle? it has a similar shape to the logo for the Circle of Magi. the meeting place for the Magisterium senate, lording over everyone below from high above? whatever it is it looks cool and it must be important to be featured on the map. I wanna go there (๑*ᗜ*)

I love Neve Gallus' design. it's fresh and cool, and she just looks so cute and neat okay. also full of detail - the snake pattern on the headpiece, shoulder 'scales' and scales elsewhere, collar & jacket like one of those hooded snakes, snake-'tailcapped' footwear (rather than steel toe-capped), the serpent belt and of course most of all the beautiful snake design of her prosthetic limb. 10/10 character/costume design

this page had me on my knees basically. my heart.

surely this panel is a new meme format hh? same goes for the one where Varric is saying "Then perhaps all this is linked" and Harding says "And we've led them here"

you walked into the wrong neighborhood bro

I also liked this pair of illustrations, they had a nice 'bookend' feel and reminded me a lot of Lord of the Rings.

Other thoughts:

Minrathous looks kinda cyberpunk and (despite what Harding says in the opening panels) feels quite clean in this comic

Is that the person tailing them lurking in the doorway that Harding is catching sight of here?

These holes in Varric's ear seem to be new. What happened? Injury from the leopard attack?

confused a bit by the perspective flip in this issue. In issue 1, Varric was more like 'stop', and Harding was more like 'talk to him'. it's flipped around a bit here.

Varric smiled when he thought about Neve and then lit up when he saw her. she calls him an "old friend". I wonder how they met and how long they've known each other. something to do with varric's spy network?

This panel felt a bit meta hh.

When Neve says "Your friend is quite intense" is she referring to Solas or Harding?

Then we come to the two main things we learn in this issue:

We learn that Solas has been in Minrathous causing trouble. He's been attacking Venatori locations in the city, stealing artifacts from them and freeing elven slaves in the process, which has greatly angered the Venatori. The Venatori now want revenge and a "bunch of rebellious elves" are "causing trouble throughout the city, presumably in the name of the one who freed them". I wonder if the artifacts weaken the Veil, are connected to the idol somehow, or are simply sources of great power that Solas either needs for himself/his plans or that he simply thinks should be taken away from the Venatori so that they don't cause harm using them? Tevinter Nights showed agents of Fen'Harel seeking artifacts and referenced rumors of elven artifacts that strengthen the Veil, like the ones from DA:I. freeing folks also makes sense, "I am not a monster" and it's something he has a history of doing

In this issue we also learn that Neve works with a group called the Shadow Dragons, who have been trying to help the former slaves. indeed they're trying to help anyone who is held as slaves in Minrathous. this is our first time hearing about this new group. they make it their business to help those in need and Neve makes it her business to help them. I'm a bit ¿ about their name, just due to how it sounds, but it's exciting to learn about a new group/faction. Each issue of this DA:D prequel comic has shone a spotlight on a faction - Grey Wardens, Antivan Crows, the Veil Jumpers and the Shadow Dragons. two new, two old. it's a nice balance. and it brings to mind the common fan theory/speculation about the PC of DA:D having a different faction background depending on the player's choice. at the very least it feels like a way of saying 'these four groups [or characters from them] will feature in a significant way/be 'players on the board' in DA:D".

thinking about the Shadow Dragons' name in an in-world context, like thinking about why they may have chosen their name: dragons are emblematic of Tevinter. dragon imagery is everywhere there, dragons are a symbol of power and Tevinter heraldry shows a dragon. the Tevinter Imperium is a 'dragon', or several (metaphorically) - Magisters, ruling over the classes below. the "shadow dragons" feel like "the other side" of Tevinter, the side in shadow, the underside, the 'anti-Tevinter'. I'd guess that they are the "Tevinter you forgot", i.e. the Viper's faction. (and if you look at Tevinter heraldry, there is also a snake 'in opposition' to the dragon.) before Missing #4 I wondered if “the Tevinter you forgot” "means they are a group of folks who have fallen through the cracks in Tevinter society or who are the downtrodden in Tevinter society. is it some sort of uprising or anti-Magisterium movement?" - here we learn they're trying to help people Tevinter 'forgot' like slaves and former slaves. I also commented "from the story it sounds like the dark-clad card dealer is the Viper. the magister in the story is afraid of him and tries to claim that the Viper is just a tale, implying that the Viper’s name has become known as a sort of shadowy, stealthy urban legend in Minrathous and that it has a sort of bogeyman effect on magisters." Shadow indeed. Neve later comments that the Shadow Dragons are trying to "help anyone held as slaves in Minrathous". I think it was in the Dorian short story in Tevinter Nights that there's a reference to how there's now an anti-slavery movement in Tevinter. Is that the Shadow Dragons? you can see possible echoes of "the Tevinter you forgot" in later comic dialogue "The Shadow Dragons have vowed to help us restore our dignity. To get back the lives that were stolen from us by the Venatori. To make sure we don't have to scrabble in the dirt for food and warm", imo.

I wonder if Dorian, Mae and the Lucerni know anything about the Shadow Dragons? maybe they've done some work together?

and while the Viper/Viper's faction/the Shadow Dragons themselves didn't appear in issue 4, issue 4 still highlighted them, continuing the pattern I speculated about, of the DA Day short stories (Evka/Antoine/Wardens, Teia/Viago/Crows, Strife/Irelin/Veil Jumpers and Viper's faction/Shadow Dragons), one from each of those short stories per issue.

Varric is still having a bad time. also he was born in 9:1, and so if DA:D is set in 9:52, he's now over 50. from these comics, he's feeling old and tired. I don't expect that he'll be a companion in DA:D. more like an advisor (off-field), a contact or quest-giver, or the person that recruits us.

"But why? What did he get out of it? Surely, he wanted something in return" was an interesting line. because like on one hand "I am not a monster", he has a history of freeing people who were enslaved and he's shown as valuing freedom and not enjoying needless suffering. setting people free definitely is the only decent thing. but he's also smart and does things with purpose, always playing 4-D chess, and has been outwitting Varric and Harding at every turn throughout these comic issues, always one step ahead. it seems like a 'it's both' situation. like two birds, one stone. he would free people and it's the right thing to do, and he also gains from it strategically. Varric lampshades this in the final page: and it's three stones, actually. Solas freed people, dealt with the Venatori on his tail and slowed Varric/Harding down long enough to escape all in one move.

Also, at first I wondered if the brown-haired elf was sort've projecting his own perceptions on Solas (with the "his kin" lines). but look here. the leader of these Venatori has a pouch round their neck. the others don't, it's prominently placed and it's consistent on this Venatori in every panel they're in here. and where have we seen that before? around the neck of the Venatori stalker that saved Varric from the leopard in Issue 3. I think we're supposed to conclude that the ringleader of the Venatori that attack the elves in this issue is the Venatori person that's been tailing Varric and Harding all throughout these comic issues. the Venatori ringleader seems to recognize Varric in a later panel, with the "You!". They fight and Varric starts demanding answers from the Venatori leader. but then, just as he's about to get answers, the brown-haired elf intervenes and kills them at that very moment. they won't hurt their people anymore, and conveniently also (more than one purpose to things again..), now Varric and Harding won't get any answers. and also this:

another - not two, but - three stones. when the brown-haired elf kills the Venatori ringleader, A) preventing them from further harming his people and B) preventing them from giving any answers to Varric and Harding, C) the killing blow also cuts that pouch from their neck. a very specific thing to depict. presumably in the chaos of the Venatori leader's death (you can't see the elf's hands in the very next panel) the brown-haired elf has grabbed the pouch, and part of his goal all along was to take it. I think we're supposed to conclude that the pouch contained the crucious stone and that the brown-haired elf works for Solas. so the "You're too late, I already have the crucious stone" letter from issue 3 was a Solas fakeout, the Venatori at that point in time did in fact have the stone (having beaten Solas to the vault, and as-shown by the Venatori who saved Varric from the leopard having the pouch around their neck), and the events of issue 4 were part of Solas' plan to steal it/steal it back from them (and going by Neve's earlier dialogue, it's not the first artifact he's stolen from them). so two things here: one, Solas' 'three stones' are actually-actually four (free the slaves, deal with the Venatori on his tail, delay Varric/Harding long enough to escape, and steal the crucious stone artifact from the Venatori [my head hurts]). and two, the brown-haired elf was working for Solas after all. he'll give the pouch (and the contents, the stone) to Solas, "he set us, his kin, free" wasn't projection considering that he does work for him, and him being there in the alleyway when he was, with the information that he had, was part of Solas' plan to escape and get the stone. otherwise, it's pretty convenient that one of the former slaves at the place Neve's aware of where former slaves have been eating scraps, at the time when she takes Varric/Harding there, just happened to have helpful info about the meeting that Varric/Harding needed and also happened to kill the Venatori leader and in the process cut the pouch from their neck. idk if it means all the elves here were working for Solas or just the brownhaired one or the brownhaired one & the blond one, but yea. definitely the brownhaired elf is I think.

Neve fighting was cool: staff-less magic and then as a mage using a dagger or shortsword.

party combo-kill! ice spell + finishing blow - a comic depiction of Shattering :)

Brown-haired elf missing his elven ear here.

A cool panel. Also, you can't see his other hand..

just really liked these two panels :) also, they missed their chance, they missed this chance, in this, a comic called The Missing... is that why it's called that?

[clenches fist] vowing to protect Neve and her good heart at all costs

and he stole the crucious stone artifact from the Venatori.

I am not sure that I agree with the premise of this article that BioWare retweeted, that The Missing is required reading before DA:D. I enjoyed issues 2 & 3 a lot! I was hoping for a bit more from the end of issue 4, perhaps a small Solas appearance like at the end of Dark Fortress or just a bit more insight into his plans or things in/the setup for DA:D. finishing on the Dread Wolf mural from the DA:D TGA 2020 trailer as a reminder was neat but the highlight reveal from these comics as a whole was definitely the new mural depicted in issue 3.

"He knows us too well, we need to find/use people he doesn't know" is the same conclusion that was reached at the end of Trespasser (and Harding was present for that conversation). I guess the meta irl reasons for The Missing are: A] since it'll be almost 10 years irl between games, to refresh folks about that conclusion and the fact that it will be a new PC and why it has to be 'someone he doesn't know', since most new players to the franchise at DA:D aren't going to buy years old DA:I and DLC and play til it the end of Trespasser B] fill some irl time C] do some marketing/advertizing and D] highlight these four groups/factions and introduce the two new ones (Veil Jumpers and Shadow Dragons) in advance of DA:D, and possibly highlight these specific characters (Strife, Teia, Evka etc) the same way (though I speculate those characters are more like DA:D 'contact' cameos rather than that they will be companions themselves). Certainly if I was Varric at the moment when Harding asks "So who are you thinking?" at the end here, after the events I had experienced and people & groups I had met in recent weeks, with those being fresh in my mind, I would be thinking about the Grey Wardens, the Antivan Crows, the Veil Jumpers and the Shadow Dragons, both as groups and terms of the mental list of people that I had recently met who Solas doesn't know. again it makes you think about the popular speculation that the DA:D PC will have the background of being from one of these groups. also, those 4 groups aren't ones which were referenced in Tevinter Nights as keeping an eye on Solas/as Solas having some info on them in turn (unlike some other groups like the Mortalitasi, the Executors, the Ben-Hassrath etc).

[deludedfantasy]

Trimax Vol 10 Ch 1-4

Hey guys, how are we doing with volume 10? I had to go lie down on my bed face down multiple times while reading this so....that's how we're doing over here. A good chunk of this is me screaming incoherently. Apologies for the overuse of exclamation points and all caps. I'm deeply unwell about all of this.

Ch 1

Wolfwood's never ending belief in Vash just!!! Wolfwood is a man without faith. But not anymore; now he has faith in Vash.

As he reaffirms his beliefs, he remembers Vash telling him that he gives up hope too easily. Suddenly, now that I know a whole lot more about Wolfwood, that line hits differently. People have said it before but until now I didn’t get how cruel of a thing that was for Vash to say to Wolfwood. He couldn’t know the thing Wolfwood did out of a desperate hope to protect the orphanage. And look at him now, not sure if Vash can defeat Knives, but he has enough hope that he might be able to that he won’t stop fighting. 

Wolfwood won’t give up because Vash has never given up!!! He’s taken on so many of Vash’s ideals, I can’t deal with this. 

Razlo tries to stop Chapel from killing Wolfwood because of how Livio cares about him and I think it’s an interesting moment. It shows us that for all of Razlo’s insatiable bloodlust, he’s concerned with what Livio thinks. He’s certainly not eager to kill Wolfwood and that’s an interesting chink in his armor, since he’s never hesitated to kill anyone before, even if it’s just because he’s suggesting they drag out Wolfwood’s final moments longer. 

Sidenote: oh my fucking god, I’m an idiot. I’ve been making jokes about Wolfwood’s magically appearing handguns for volumes. He’s not pulling them out of his tits, he just has a shoulder holster, like a proper gunman. 

I wanna kill Chapel with my bare hands!!! He’s taking way too much pleasure from shooting Wolfwood over and over again. 

So, Wolfwood hasn’t used his vials because he doesn’t think he’s going to die yet. That’s…yeah, that’s making me feel some things alright. First of all, I’ll say it again, Wolfwood is an incredibly smart fighter. He knows how to fight even while injured and in immense amounts of pain. He couldn’t stand up against Razlo at first, but he took it as an opportunity to learn how Razlo fights and find his weakness, so he could use it against him later. Chapel tells Razlo to stop underestimating him, but I think up until now, Chapel has been doing the same damn thing. 

Second of all, I know where this is going and I :) don’t :) like :) it :) 

Ch 2

Sworn friend? I sure hope that’s Vash because that cover image is going to kill me. Wolfwood’s been STABBED. By a GUN. 

Oh, cool, so Razlo confirms that Chapel is unhealthily obsessed with his students and making them into the perfect weapons for the Eye—morally and physically. He’s truly the abusive father figure of this story.

Well, that explains why Razlo’s been kicked out of the Eye. Killing nine other members in a murder spree will do that.

You know what? Chapel begging for Razlo’s life to be spared might honestly be the kindest thing anyone has ever done for him. It’s no wonder he’s so devoted to Chapel. When everyone else treats you like shit, the guy who shoots himself and begs the council to take mercy on you becomes someone incredibly special, even if he is absolutely insane otherwise.

Huh? When did Ms. Melanie and the kids get outside? I thought they were locked in a cellar. Did some of the other mercenaries bring them up on Chapel’s signal so he could torment Wolfwood more.

Awww, the kids don’t want to leave Ms. Melanie by herself! They care about her and each other so much. This is where Wolfwood gets all his love and caring from. 

Chapel is an evil, evil motherfucker. We know that already, but this moment? Oh, the rage I’m experiencing. He’s playing on Wolfwood's worst nightmare, going all the way back to that dream he had where he tried to hold the kids but couldn’t because there was so much blood on his hands. Chapel went and made that real. He shows Wolfwood’s face to Ms. Melanie, while he’s covered in blood, and lets them know all the terrible things he’s done. Ms. Melanie doesn’t need to say anything. The guilt Wolfwood carries will be enough to bring him low. Chapel knows his student and his weakness so well, and he twists until it hurts. 

ARGH MS. MELANIE DON’T MAKE ME CRY. 

This is Wolfwood’s worst nightmare, but she’s not reacting with disgust or hatred! She isn’t looking away from him! The way she says, “You foolish boy, you tried doing everything on your own again.” It’s so sad, but it’s so fond. She still loves him! She wishes he’d come home earlier! It’s still a painful realization for Wolfwood to have, that he would’ve been welcomed back, but it’s also, maybe, a shock and a relief. 

Also, “You’ve always had so many stubborn ideals and were never one to compromise.” NICHOLAS D. WOLFWOOD THESIS STATEMENT RIGHT HERE. It’s what got him into this mess after all! 

Oh my god Wolfwood! No!!!! Don’t look down on yourself now!!! Ms. Melanie’s right! You  came when you were needed!

AND HE’S THINKING ABOUT VASH AGAIN.

When he’s losing hope, he always thinks of Vash. And he realizes that maybe he should’ve asked him here. Because they work so well together, they could’ve taken out Chapel and Livio and saved everyone! IF ONLY HE HADN’T INSISTED ON DOING EVERYTHING ON HIS OWN. 

“I made a friend. He ain’t as dumb as I am.” Wolfwood, I appreciate your whole-hearted belief in Vash but that man is just as stupid as you are and probably would’ve also run straight into danger without asking for help. You two are just peas in a pod. 

“We could’ve done this as a team.” Yes!!!! Because everything’s different when you’re back to back with him!!! Vash and Wolfwood are a battle couple and when they are together, they’re unstoppable. Wish you’d realized this sooner!!!!

Hey, did Wolfwood just grab all of Chapel’s vials with his mouth? Wolfwood is the king of making batshit insane moves in the span of like three seconds because that was a small opening he had before Chapel shot him or the kids.

A mysterious shuttle appears at the eleventh hour?

IT’S VASH!!! VASH CAME TO HELP HIM!!!

And look at Vash, using his powers to protect people! Not only that, to protect the people Wolfwood cares about!

Ch 3

Wolfwood, come on. You were just thinking about how you and Vash could’ve easily handled this as a team. 

Wolfwood’s self-hatred is blinding him so much he can’t even figure out why Vash would come. Just as Wolfwood considers Vash his friend, Vash thinks the same of him. He’s shown time and time again that he’ll help people in a tough spot. Why not you, Wolfwood? Why don’t you deserve that same kind of care? 

This battle is important to Wolfwood and that’s why it matters to Vash. But of course, the tragedy of it all is that Wolfwood can’t see how much Vash cares about him and admires him because he hates himself too much to even allow love in from someone else. 

And with that thought, it’s time to break out the tissues. 

Razlo’s like, “Ooooh, a worthy opponent? Time to absolutely lose my shit!” 

So, on my first read, I somehow didn’t catch that Wolfwood drank two vials at once when he stole Chapel’s pouch and I was VERY confused for the rest of this volume. Now, however, I’m rolling on the floor sobbing. 

He knows how dangerous this is and how it’ll probably end. But he does it because he thinks he’s going to die anyway. He’s come to the point where he’s not scared of death, and he’d rather go down protecting what he loves than live to see it ruined. 

“If we survive this, drinks are on me.” This line is some horrible foreshadowing, okay. I’m just…I think I need to go take some deep breaths. 

Did Wolfwood just toss Chapel like a log? That’s WILD. Razlo actually gets distracted by it! Then again, he’s so devoted to Chapel that the idea of him dying or being defeated must be pretty tough to deal with.

Wolfwood grabs Punisher again but also, he stops just long enough in the middle of battle to put his glasses back on. He’s hiding. From himself, from everyone at the orphanage, maybe even a little from Vash. He doesn’t want anyone to see what he’s about to become, what he’s about to do. 

There’s been a couple times where I’ve wondered if Vash could read Wolfwood’s mind a little with his telepathic Plant powers and this is another moment. But I actually like to read this as Vash knows him so well that he realizes this himself, because that just hits harder. 

OH. I missed that. Wolfwood killed Chapel. Snapped him like a twig even. 

Razlo is actually so…lonely. The only person who’s ever been kind to him was an equally unhinged cult leader and now he’s dead. And all Razlo knows is violence, so that’s how he responds. As always, Nightow makes me feel so much sympathy for what should be the most villainous of characters. (Except Chapel, that’s the exception that proves the rule here)

Vash and Wolfwood executing insane maneuvers when they fight together because they’re so synced up!!! Certified battle couple. 

Wolfwood lighting a cigarette in the middle of a fight after performing some insane moves is so on brand for him. 

This last interaction is so funny and so them. They don’t know how to use their words! They slap at each other like five year olds and Vash can’t even tell Wolfwood he’s here because he cares about him and wants to help. WHY ARE THEY SO STUPID.

Ch 4

Wolfwood is starting to talk like Vash. The reminiscing about times past, pushing away the help people are offering him—it reminds me of Vash right before he got on the Ark. 

It’s so not like him that it even scares Vash, who tries to remind him that has to live. He’s always wanted to live, right?

Well, except, Wolfwood has finally found what he’s willing to die for. He’s already made the decision. Vash just doesn’t know that yet, and that makes what would usually be a light, bantery scene between them incredibly heavy and so hard to read. 

And Vash, goddammit, he still thinks this is Wolfwood giving up! It’s not, at least not in the way he thinks. Wolfwood is more determined than ever. He hasn’t given up hope. He’s taken all his hope and placed it on Vash, and left none of it for himself. 

“What is important? What are you willing to do to protect it?” → Trigun thesis statement. That’s what the story is all about! The worst part is Vash realizing too late what he would do to protect Wolfwood. 

When Vash really, truly fears that he might lose Wolfwood, that’s the first time he realizes how much he needs and wants him. How badly he wants to survive and see a tomorrow with him. Except, it’s heart-wrenching, because it’s already too late by the time he finally realizes this. Vash has finally found something worth living for and Wolfwood has finally found something worth dying for. How ironic that it’s each other. They’re like ships passing in the night, their lives and wants intersecting for only the briefest of moments before being torn apart.

Just as Vash thinks all of this, he catches Wolfwood. Look how tightly he holds on to him, his fingers pressing into Wolfwood’s skin. He uses his body to shield him, barely noticing the blades in his shoulder. He’s so overcome by what he’s realized, but also that he’s about to lose it all.

Look at the reluctance when he lets go of him. He doesn’t want to, he wants to hold on to him. But Vash would never disrespect Wolfwood’s choices. He knows how much it means to him to be able to do this on his own terms. So no matter how much it hurts him, he lets go. But there is rage in his eyes, an expression that is so alien on Vash, who has always been so in control of his anger. He hates that he has to do this and he hates that it’s this that’s causing it, and he won’t hold back anymore. 

Not the bird symbolism. Because Wolfwood has finally found his freedom in his willingness to accept death.

And Vash beneath it, with his face obscured looking up into the sky, but hunched over beneath the weight of his grief and anguish as he walks away from Wolfwood. God, this image is so powerful. 

[nightwingshero]

Ships as Tarot Cards

I was tagged by @alexxmason @sstewyhosseini @simonxriley @jillvalentinesday @marivenah to take this uquiz for my ships. Thank you lovelies!

Tagging: @ghastlyrider @pen-in-hand @oathofoaksart @water-writings @voidika @inafieldofdaisies @madparadoxum @shegetsburned @chazz-anova @marivenah @glowwormsmith @playstationmademe @deputyash @poisonedtruth @aceghosts @braveonionknight @jinfromyarikawa @anonymousmalkavian @pheedraws and anyone else who wishes to participate. I apologize if you've already been tagged, I'm a little late to the game.

Wren x Leon

the two of cups + the star

your romance is a wish granted. finally, finally, they're here. finally, *it's* here! the time where you don't have to feel lonely anymore - you'll never feel that way ever again. laughter, joy, sweetness, kisses - be at ease. all of these are things you have found someone to share with. your love is a dreamy fantasy of love and devotion and miracles. at first, your chest gets too tight when they're around - until they become as natural as the air in your lungs. deck: ethereal visions tarot.

Athera x Solas

knight of pentacles + the magician

if there's something you want, you will GET IT. nothing escapes your fingertips. after all, you're the power couple. your pairing sparks pure cosmic energy. you're fiercely driven to your goals - whether that be status, fortune, or power. you're also fiercely protective of one another. with the knight's earthy energy, you both prefer to purposefully make your way towards your ambitions, rather than playing cards too early or acting too loosely. meanwhile, the magician's half makes gives you a little fire. if they get too close, onlookers and threats to your relationship may get burned. deck: modern witch tarot.

Evune x Cullen

the tower + the lovers

meeting this person shook your whole world. crumbling down is everything you thought you knew about life and love. their warmth, their generosity, their naivete, their knowing...! you don't know how anything made sense before them. all you know is that nothing will make sense afterwards. deck: the tarot of the divine by yoshi yoshitani.

Imogen x Chris

the tower + the lovers

meeting this person shook your whole world. crumbling down is everything you thought you knew about life and love. their warmth, their generosity, their naivete, their knowing...! you don't know how anything made sense before them. all you know is that nothing will make sense afterwards. deck: the tarot of the divine by yoshi yoshitani.

Adrasteia x Bayek

the devil + the emperor

there's only one religion for the two of you, and that religion is the other. you two are very nearly unhealthily obsessed with one another, and that's just how you like it. when they touch you, they can feel the blood pumping under the surface of your skin. your hearts beat for one another. when the day comes that one stops, the other will soon after. until then, you both will live out your lives in perfect, gothy paradise. deck: the tarot of vampyres.

Alessandra and Ezio

ace of cups + ten of cups

your romance is the love story that seems only possible in movies. it starts from a youthful first meeting, innocent. and from what may seem like a lifetime later, you both end up happily in union, perhaps even married! your coupling is the epitome of emotional fulfillment and devotion. neither of you thought you'd end up here, but damn if you aren't glad you did. deck: thelema tarot.

Wren x John

the devil + the emperor

there's only one religion for the two of you, and that religion is the other. you two are very nearly unhealthily obsessed with one another, and that's just how you like it. when they touch you, they can feel the blood pumping under the surface of your skin. your hearts beat for one another. when the day comes that one stops, the other will soon after. until then, you both will live out your lives in perfect, gothy paradise. deck: the tarot of vampyres.

[cringelordofchaos]

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- NAMES × PRØNOUNS = IT / SHE / HE / THEY ×××❤️‍🔥🎸🐍

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--im; 🇷🇸 - serbian × 🏳️‍🌈 - queer × ✝️ - (culturally)orthodox(+witchy ;))×××

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biggest obsession lately: BRAWL STARS (#bs), ACE ATTORNEY (#aa) (all fandoms)

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• other blogs - pronouns.page - music i listen to - tagging system - characters I relate to

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нЕмА сПаСа Ни ТеБи нИ мЕнИ сВе Је ЛаЖ и рАј сЕ ПеНи (/Ј)

MY FAVORITEST POST OF ALL TIME /hj... (unless...)

I forget to update my pronouns page frequently so it's not really worth checking out.

{o.we,o,qw,qw.qq,o,qw,qw.qe,wt,qo,t,y×one^day.q,qr.wp,i,t,qr.t,ww,t,qi,wt,qt,qr,t.t,qw,qo,t-as.well (wq,qr,qw,t,qo.o.r,qt,qr,wp.e,qt,qe,qw,t,wp,t.qe,wt.journey.w,t,y,qt,qi,t.i,q,qr,r)}

DRAWING REQUESTS R ALWAYS OPEN! though my art skills r not up to everyone's standards, it's like free anyway so

(TMF Sean userboxes made by @speedydestinydream)

Uhm ok nobody's seeing this? Good. Rhea Ripley's hot AS FUCKKKK dude

Uhm and also. Random facts about me

I'm not autistic

I once hit my head so hard it was bleeding (and never got treated for it lmao)

Aaron Mitchell is just like me fr

By blood im actually more aromanian + Slovenian + ashkenazi Jewish + other shit than Serbian but by culture im Serbian (and Americanized... (Spend too much time on the net))

I love opposites attract trope because 100% of the time I relate to both the characters involved

I used to have an identity crisis over what kind of caricature I wanted to be but now I just let myself exist in peace without putting an active effort into just existing

I'm more culturally orthodox christian and tbh I don't really believe in that stuff but I won't give up the holidays and traditions. As for witchcraft it's fun and you can't exactly disprove the existence of spirituality so I am interested but again when I practice witchcraft it more feels like roleplaying so uhm. Not sure if I can call myself s true withx or a christian but who gives a shit.

Potentially alter human but I realized my obsession with alter human labels in the last might've been caused by the fact that I wasn't fully happy with who I was. still act like a creature at times though.

I have been called "fascinating" 6 times, once by a licensed psychiatrist.

I tend to overshare and also I was extremely scared of sharing the fact that I'm mostly aromanian because I thought it would reveal where I hid the money or some shit. I still am scared but oh well

Don't have ADHD either fuck that

I am at risk of a spine deformation. Lmao

I get extremely obsessive over fiction and it tends to last for... Idk? I don't count.

I'm picky yet indecisive as hell

Selfish and extremely lazy

So sarcastic all the time to the point of some people thinking I'm being genuine and then getting mad at me. I mean I dug my own grave there so.

I accidentally ghost people, respond really late to texts, if at all. I am trying to work on this because I have been made aware that this type of behaviour can genuinely hurt people and I don't want to hurt anyone

Had self diagnosed depression in the past

Cisginger

Autistic Craig Tucker real

Heavily heavily HEAVILY relate to Aaron Mitchell from the Mitchells Vs the machines (he is literally me in every way possible)

Unhealthily addicted to my phone

Sometimes draw but I'm horrible at it

My head hurts

Freakblr OG 💪

Suck at sports but like them but I hate working in teams because I'm afraid I'll disappoint everyone. Yaknow???

Experience self suspected social gender dysphoria (recovering)

Otherlink, mild specie dysphoria, possibly therian

Self suspected low object permanence

[mintacle]

Wait, please go feral and explain! What the similarities between Jason and the other bat kids?

Oh damn. Ok, I don't feel like I'm the best qualified for all of these, so I'll do them for the characters I'm famliar with in the aspects I feel confident in and I hope not to seriously mischaracterize anyone! Anyway additions are welcome and very appreciated.

So for Dick this is relating to the earlier post I reblogged in their almost toxic loyalty to Bruce conflicting with their desire to become independent and criticise Bruce as well. This unhealthy dependency they both have would be soo interesting to explore but dc is a cowwarrd..

For Tim it's that Jason and Tim are both acutely aware of the monstrosity of Batman and how that calling is both Bruce's crutch and his downfall as an unhealthy spiral. Both Tim and Jason could be so interesting to explore in their similarity of understanding Bruce and Batman as two seperate entities and how this mentality affects Bruce.

For Steph it's very on the nose and the fandom does acknowledge how Bruce failed both of them and yet dc does not show us meaningful interactions between the two of them exploring how they both deal with these feelings of betrayal and being blamed for why Bruce abandonned them. (victim blaming)

Damian too is interesting because of how Damian can get excused for the actions the bats dissapprove of but Jason will never be forgiven (even though what exactly the issue is is super vague and only somehow defined as "he doesn't fight crime the way we want him to/ he kills criminals sometimes", even though depending on the run Jason has maybe only killed very few people and the bats have been shown to be completely fine with other people who killed. (Wonderwoman, Damian, Ghostmaker). I feel like Damian and Jason should actually have a relationship where they really understand one another and recognize themselves in the other. Also with how they both have the theme of trying to find family and being rejected by family.

Oh and obviously the big guy himself, Bruce Wayne. Bruce and Jason are both unhealthily obsessed with their own trauma and their mission to prevent somthing similar from ever happening to anyone again. They are both made and tied to Gotham (or really should be, grrrr) and they are both psuperficially coldhearted but just a bit deeper down have a bleeding heart of compassion for the people they wish to protect.

So yeah, regarding Jason and the batfam, they're not that different!! Frustrates me when Jason is only used as a one-dimensional side of "good guy gone bad", when he is actually just conflicted by the complexity of justice as is everyone else in the batfam too. Let's fucking talk about that maybe.

[shmowder]

I really appreciate you writing all that out! Your replies are always so thoughtful <33 Thank you for sharing.

I knew being aro was a spectrum, but wow, there are so many different flavors. It's fascinating, really. As for me, I could do without the flowers and poetry, the grand dramatic gestures; romantic gestures in public? - gtfo of here. But I get crushes, the whole butterflies in my stomach deal, daydreaming to a detrimental degree.

I want tenderness! Soul crushing devotion! For, like you said, "my favorite person to stay with me only." But as you also pointed out, you can have all of that without romance. I've never really had a best friend that I would drop everything for, and for me the tenderness and devotion is itself romantic? I'm also quite touch-averse, so if I actually want to cuddle, etc. with someone, that pretty much automatically means I see them in a way that goes beyond platonic.

Tbh I'm not sure I'll ever be able to define it, but that's okay ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ It is funny how we share the same taste in characters and x reader stories though! Smut with feelings is probably my favorite as far as x reader fic goes. Even if those feelings are unhealthily obsessive; I'll eat up yandere fic too.

I love what you said about Daniil. I'm gonna cave one day and buy P1 aren't I 😮‍💨 He loves her essence and soul!

That's something I never picked up about Vlad Jr. before. Interesting. I see what you're saying about Capella. And you're so right about the "robotic" character = aro stereotype!! I can't wait to meet Aglaya again during this playthrough (just started day 6).

I'm glad you think romance is fun to write!

🐿️ anon

Yandere pathologic omfg I would love to talk and write about that actually. My take on Yandere is exactly the helplessly in love an extremely devoted to that person. I write them less murder and kidnapping crazy because eh I don't really like that aspect, however the unconditional love and soul crushing devotion? Their love suffocating them with every breath they take not by your side? the paranoia and extremely jealousy? Yeah I ADORE these aspects

Maria Kaina and Andrey Stamatin feel like the most yandere-ish out of the bunch by nature tbh.

Eva has potential too! but she'll be more of a sweet guilt tripping toxic gf than a yandere. Like a puppy love crush yandere? Sickingly sweet.

Yulia and Vlad the younger are more on the chill side. The loose leash side where you think you can roam free but how come everyone around you is pulling away? They don't try to control you or be toxic to you in any way, instead it's others they intimidate into submission or trick into backing off. If there is no competition then you'll definitely run into their arms. It's them or absolute loneliness you see.

The more unstable Yanderes who need constant reassurance and are suffocatingly clingy and overprotective are Anna, Rubin and Oyun probably. Rubin will set himself on fire just to keep you warm and is the biggest drama king when it comes to seeing you get close to anyone else, he gets all mopy and extremely sad until you have no choice but to leave the person and comfort him.

Alexander Saburov and Alexander Block are both on the self-aware type. They're very aware of how wrong their feelings and extreme urges are. How you don't belong to them and they try desperately to resist the temptation but god you're just so sweet what if something bad happens to you? what if someone else whisks you away? They can't have that. They control themselves 90% of the time and are the best at keeping their real intentions hidden while they show you a calm facade.

Katerina feels the most prone to jealousy and spite.

Daniil the most passive aggressive. He tries to stick to his morality compass and have plausible deniability. Like he justifies his actions and urges by any means necessary to prove he is in the right and you're overreacting actually.

Artemy would start as self-aware but slowly give in to his heart's desire because it feels right so it must be right.

Do tell me your thoughts and ideas about yandere pathologic 👀 I'm curious and dying to talk about the great potential oh my god Yandere Aspity my beloved

-

If you ever get P1, wait until it's on sale. I got it for like 2$ from fanatical during a random sale? It's so much easier than P2 and the writing is funnier and less serious at a lot of times.

I do enjoy our talks <3 I'm happy whenever you're here.

[livebloggingmydescentintomadness]

(ask from an anon who requested that their full message about an elderly man who has repeatedly broken their boundaries not be published. before anyone worries too much, anon is middle-aged, not a minor.)

hi there, sweetie, please don’t worry about making me uncomfortable, it’s totally fine. i have given a lot of advice in the past, and it’s not that i don’t anymore, i just haven’t had the mental energy in the last year or two that i used to have, so i’ve fallen behind in most of my asks. so this probably won’t be as long a reply as i would have given a few years ago, but that’s due solely to my available spoons and not because of you at all.

in short, i don’t think you’ve done anything wrong at all, hon. you’ve been remarkably polite and compassionate, in fact, while this man just keeps ignoring and willfully breaking your boundaries - quite frankly, i think he’s very nearly reached the point of stalking you.

it’s very kind of you to give him the benefit of the doubt, but your feelings and your comfort matters too, and this man is unhealthily fixated on you. he should be seeking this attention from peers his own age and/or his own family, not someone who has expressed discomfort at his behavior. maybe - and that’s a big maybe - his motives truly are innocent, but his behavior has 100% reached the level of “really fucking creepy”.

if he doesn’t stop and keeps trying to find ways to contact you, i think it’s reached the point where you need to tell your parents. i know you don’t want to worry them, but when he tried to use the post office to trick you into giving up your new address, he crossed a BIG line. like, that sounds illegal to me. that sounds like he’s obsessed with you, and i don’t know if he’s so elderly that he could actually be dangerous, but i think you should consider the possibility. that’s something your family deserves to be aware of.

it’s makes complete sense that you’re upset about this, sweetie. if he was a few decades younger, you wouldn’t hesitate to feel afraid of and creeped out by him, but his age makes you feel like you have to be respectful and compassionate towards him. those conflicting feelings make for a lot of anxiety.

if it helps, you have my permission to be creeped out, upset, even afraid. if he has the mental capacity to trick a postman into trying to get your address, he has the mental capacity to understand that you’ve said no. just because he’s old doesn’t mean he’s innocent, or incapable of knowing right from wrong. what he’s done is wrong, and being old doesn’t excuse that.

please consider talking to your parents, hon, and do whatever you need to do to protect yourself and your boundaries, take care of yourself, dear.

[applesandbannas747]

Wait, I'm confused... do you like the Fence novels or no? Because your first review sounded positive and happy with the fun humor, and then every other thing I've seen from you about them is most pointing out the (very prominent, very not-good) flaws with them.

fair question! I had a Journey with the Fence novels and it was hellish. First, please keep in mind that I am unhealthily fixated on Fence and that does impact things all along the way.

When Striking Distance was announced, I was as excited as anyone, though wary because Pacat was handing it off to someone else to write. Still, I was hopeful--and more hopeful after reading In Other Lands because, despite the disturbing sexism that squicked me tf out, I really enjoyed that book! And so I was very eager to get my hands on Striking Distance. So I went on an absolute quest to get an ARC...and I did! It took a lot of dead ends and desperate tries, but remember that I'm insane. So I got my hands on an advanced copy by emailing the editor assigned to the book (who has since left the position). And as is custom with ARCs, he asked me to send my review when it went live.

Reading Striking Distance was such an experience dude. I wanted to love it as much as I loved the comics--remember that at this point, we only had up to issue 12 and the characterization therein. I love the OG 12 issues, and they'll always hold more sway in my understanding of the characters, but when reading SD, it was very clear that I'd read the entire comic completely fucking wrong. Remember my unhealthy obsession? Yeah. Trying to come to terms with Fence being something so opposite of everything I really loved about it and the fact that my reading of it was so wrong was really hard--like mental breakdowns level of hard. I wish I was joking. But I tried to force myself to love the reality of Fence anyway, despite kind of hating the novel, which I absolutely would not admit to myself because disliking any part of Fence felt like SUCH a betrayal to it, and I really really really didn't want to hate the characters I'd spent so much time bringing to life in my mind, because selfishly I didn't want to have to divorce my idea of the characters from canon, I just wanted to be able to love the canon characters and add onto them a little the way I'd been able to with the comics up until that point. So especially right after reading Striking Distance, I was insistent on liking it, and even as I slowly started to acknowledge that there were parts of it that made me want to scratch off my skin they made me so uncomfortable (see: the steak scene), I was really hell-bent on understating my dislike/criticism of it.

So when I went to write my review for Striking Distance to send to the really nice editor who sent me the ARC, I didn't want to betray Fence, I hadn't really processed my issues with it (and was--and honestly still am to an extent--worried that I was just being an entitled baby because my stupid fanfictions/interpretations were so fucking wrong), I didn't want to upset or hurt the feelings of the man who did me this HUGE favor, and because I wanted a chance to get an early copy of a possible sequel (because hating the novels didn't lesson my Need for early access to them. i know I'm unwell about fence jdhfa), I pulled out all the nicest thoughts I had about Striking Distance, exaggerated them and stretched them and sugar-coated everything else to provide a review that was nice and non-hostile.

Obviously, the longer I sat with Striking Distance and processed some things about it and about me, the more I started picking apart all the aspects that I hated and found I was able to produce reasons for each piece I disliked and was also able to pinpoint in the OG comics where I got all the pieces of the stories and characters I loved. So I did have to divorce my idea of Fence from canon if I wanted to keep loving Fence. And when I decided to keep loving Fence for all the reasons I used to instead of feel sick looking at/thinking about the franchise and characters, I was sort of free of the things holding me back from speaking about the things I didn't like, and so I started to analyze and essay and post about the novels and my untangled, truthful thoughts about them.

So I don't like the novels--there are maybe 3-4 things total that passed the vibe-check for me in both novels. I never liked the novels, and I lied about liking Striking Distance...but I was lying to myself about that one as much as anyone. And I haven't changed that review because, at the time, that was where my feelings were about it. So up it stays.

Here’s my fun little list of some of the places I've explained my dislike of the novels if you're curious, but yeah these are the real thoughts, the SD review was a carefully crafted lie <3

My full review of Disarmed

Autism representation in Seiji

Seiji in general

Eugene

Eugesse as a concept in Disarmed

Eugesse interactions in Disarmed

Nick's bisexuality

Coach Williams and sexual harassment