#I want some more complexity here
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Here's more comparisons of Arcane Gifs before and after I color and sharpen em!
#arcane#arcaneedit#caitlyn kiramman#vi#viktor#caitlyn#jinx#mel medarda#mel#gifmaking#arcane season 2 spoilers#IM HELLA BORED I WANT NEW CONTENT ALREADY#do i think gifmakers color grade better than the people behind the show? nah. the show itself and gifs serve different purposes#theyre two entirely different things ngl#its just fun seeing before and afters of gif/edit coloring lol#i used to have a more stylized coloring filter on arcane but later in ive transitioned into something that’s a bit more in tune with#the original colors of the show#ngl im pretty mediocre when it comes to coloring lmao i cant do complex stuff like the other edit makers here#arcane and many shows in general are so dark lmao its always tough to color em#send some love to your local fandom gifmakers theyre all still hella disrespected for what they do lmao#also if ur not a fan of the coloring and sharpening then buzz off i dont wanna hear your opinion lmao go make gifs yourself :D#personal tag
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——————
it’s been 6 years exactly nd i apologize for everything about this
[tw: implied csa]
#i did not work on this fr 6 yrs obvio i jst hated what i did originally nd dropped it forever#bt like last month i thought abt it again nd realized that 6 year promise was coming up….so i debased myself#i still hate this so much :) but i forced myself to do it#rip to the 100 odd ppl who were xcited abt this when i originally posted the sneak peek#i rly wanted to try making something long but i think i shdnt do that n e more lmfaoo#thers a significant quality drop on lots of pages i never quite got around to finalizing n time. sorry. sorry sorry sorryyy#iasip#always sunny#charlie kelly#dennis reynolds#mac mcdonald#mac macdonald#charden#chardennis#trash trio#charmacden#deetress if u squint#fanart#mine#i want to xplore the chardeetress part of their hs more i rly lov that trio#also also i totally lied in the original post talking abt ‘these 3 suffering’ it was always focused on the charden trauma connection#sorry mac girlies#i hav complex feelings regarding mac's involvement n th uncle jack side of charlie's childhood#but they r not on display here#gnna hav to draw some cute bb charmac to repent and to self sooth aftr this
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Oh sure, I don't think I was saying the situations are exactly the same. I don't think freeing Sten is corrupt. I was more expressing befuddlement that Bioware is jumping right to child murder as its criminal backstory crime of choice. There are so many crimes! And we have TWO child murderer companions?! That's a little intense.
I'm replaying Inquisition to get ready for Veilguard and the Blackwall stuff is even funnier than I remember. Like on the surface of it, it works fine: a great chevalier commits a crime, flees from the consequences, is given another chance by a member of an honorable order of knighthood who then dies, and so he steals his would-be mentor's identity. His character mission in the game then is when he confesses who he really is in order to keep an innocent man from being executed for his crime. A real Jean Valjean moment.
...yeah, okay, except Jean Valjean stole a loaf of bread, and Blackwall murdered an entire family, including two children, and left his own loyal men to die or become fugitives so he could escape.
so he reveals himself, and gets arrested, and they're going to execute him for these crimes that he definitely did do, and I'm always just like...yeah, that seems fair! that seems about right. No need to tarnish the reputation of the Inquisition getting him out of jail, let the wheels of justice turn, I have other tanks.
like the crime the writers gave him is so excessive?? He could have killed a hotblooded young heir in a duel! He could have stolen from his liege lord! He could have cheated at a tournament! There are lots of things he could have done that might have made him want to hide his identity, and ultimately led him to become ashamed of the man he used to be, while your character could still plausibly be like "come on man it was a long time ago and you've done a lot of good since then, give yourself the chance to move on."
but no instead you get this incredible story beat where this guy you work with turns out to be Jeffrey Dahmer, and so you wash your hands of him instantly and never think about him again
#I don't think I've played a game yet that is really willing to interrogate the nature of justice in a way I find satisfying#maybe some day#in this play through of Inquisition I have not enjoyed the throne judgment segments#we get such extreme choices#exile!#death!#jail forever!#I believe in atonement#but it requires real accountability in a way that I think is lacking in both of these narratives#maybe that is the common thread to me#Sten probably gets closer than Blackwall#as fighting the Blight does benefit the people of Lothering#but it's not something you see him wrestle with really#that I recall anyway it's been a long ass time#I didn't love the puzzle in Ansur's lair in bg3 either#where prison was given as the correct option for the thief puzzle#I want some more complexity here#let's not even get started on what the writing of Anders says about the nature of justice from the DA writers lmao#anyway#I want an option for these issues that's like#I don't believe in putting you in jail forever#that doesn't fix anything#but letting you out doesn't make it right either or mean you've done the atonement work#what steps are you going to take to fix the mess you made#lets enrich that narrative#dragon age
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"See you tomorrow"
MDZS Disco Elysium AU part 4 [prev parts]
#better drawn mdzs#MDZS Disco Elysium AU#mdzs au#Lan wangji#wei wuxian#yiling laozu#Happy Belated Halloween!#digital art#Thank you all for your patience as I drove myself into a madness only known by those lost at seas alone.#I put a lot of time into this one! It's not perfect but I am very happy with it + I am so happy to put down the tablet pen.#Digital art has some nice features but I'm sticking with traditional! I need a month to recover from the 2+ weeks of torture.#Okay lets talk about the AU and the comic now#Disco elysium has some of the best existential-horror-dream sequences I have ever seen.#The dialogue here is heavily inspired by The Final Dream - A scene I'd love to talk about more were it not so heavy with spoilers.#My AU is a lot more complex than a simple character swap but I really felt like LWJ + YLLZ fit this scene.#The final dream is about being unable to move on from a lost love. From something You made holy. From something You ruined.#It is about realizing that no matter how smart you are or what you offer or how you try to change -#You will never be able to turn back time. You will never ever be able to fix what is broken. That you also have been broken for a long time#You are a fuck-up who worships the nail covered ground of someone who did not want to be holy. And even though it hurts-#You cannot let this nightmare go. The pain keeps the love close. It is worse to forget. You promised to remember.#WWX died thinking LWJ disliked him. LWJ lost someone he thought was revolted by his love.
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These two are so funny. Women's wrongs standoff
#paranormasight#paranormasight spoilers#ayame tono#harue shigima#paranormasight the seven mysteries of honjo#harue's 'last resort' is probably one of my favorite sequences in this game i think#i loveeee how the shigima and tsutsumi/tono families foil each other#and how harue and ayame are two women in very similar yet different circumstances#it's also so funny how richter just. quietly watches these two try to almost kill each other. king of minding his own business#(i know it's more complex than that ofc but it's still funny)#autumnal rambles#i've said it before but the main cast in this game is truly so great#i really do want to talk more about harue and ayame in more detail some other time because. man. these two#they’re both super interesting on their own and seeing how their desires collide here. delicious#i adore them both. hashtag womens wrongs
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something about this seems familiar to you
#lalala#have developed a little bit of a complex about posting only finished polished pieces here#and have grown scared to post much of any music or art as consequence#so... i'll try to make an effort to post more snippets and wips and sketches to hopefully break out of that mindset#love making these little tunes... i want to make more doodles to accompany them....#fishbowl#edit dear god dont listenwith earbuds that is some god awful eq oh my god. ill fix it in the morning
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litany of the martyrs (click for better resolution!)
#at some point i wanted to make an illustration for each character but in retrospect maybe each is multiple song-coded..#drew the sketch for a quincy thing after a chat with a mutual reminded me this song existed dfsghjkl and then spent weeks rendering this#quincy cynthius martin#adamandi#i'm finally done with this! the saints especially were joys to paint and the halo a menace.... this has been the most ambitious one so far.#but it also took quite long because i only worked on it <engages with quincy> when mentally okay to deal with the themes. i'm not religious#but i do identify with the irrational(?ish) guilt + family legacy + academic achievement + disregard for self. also more complex thoughts#about love [but depsite quincent being a large part of quincy's character this piece deals with mostly the Rest of it. so another time..]#anyways! in the original sketch- the saints had heads bent towards quincy so the halo spikes pointed at him. but this worked better! halos#of the saints implying/creating one for quincy was a concept from the start though. in the show they don't touch him directly here but#differences in mediums i think- i don't have time in an image to craft a narrative so everything has to be happening. also artistic liberty#misc inspiration for this includes stained glass windows. i might have maybe misinterpreted the saint costume but i think i logic-ed it out#as the cloth part following a nun's habit w the hood. and then halo above. the material is also more transparent originally but i had. um.#too much fun painting fabric folds.. if you look closely you can see the basis of faces though behind the cloth; but only the vague shapes#because smth obscurity + inhumanness// cassian is the only one i gave a mouth though. that stems from melliot's post about the saints and#st cassian as spokesperson (<- did research teehee!) that's also how i found out which costume = which saint. speaking of which.#left to right: 'st lucy take my hand' // 'st lawrence give me strength' (presses quincy forward; but hand on shoulder connotates guidance)#/'st cassian help me smile' (quincy's mouth is btwn a grimace and a smile; tilts up at side. also no direct touch bc added insidiousness.)#//'st jude [...] i hope your causes burn' (jude's hand is in two places to show movement- nearing the flame and then snatching back; burnt)#other notes: at the midst of the flame the core is shaped like a human heart /the saints and their wax are all melting like the candle for#fun visual effect and also this way they are even less tangible <real>. perks of painting as a medium i guess. // also insp from icarus?#wax and burning imagery; looking at the halo and rays as parallel to sun that burns. too close to the sun; melting; hurting; hurtling //#candles at bottom are a nod to the frankly gorgeous set// also the entire composition kind of stems from the lyric <what use is a candle if#both ends aren't burning>; the two sides between the concepts of catholic guilt and academic perfection that spur quincy#the halo above (saints and guilt; litanyofthemartyrs) and the 'halo' below (academic papers; insp from choreo for perfect at school)#the papers were originally supposed to be more glowy. but i like the idea of it now being a reflection of how quincy's priorities shift#also of note is that <candle> in centre = quincy; w burning candle + aforementioned heart in flame -> most human; idea of love + passion#last thoughts: kneeling + hands close tgt = prayer //wax dripping onto the red As make an effect that looks like blood. because i like#hiding that within the adamandi pieces :OO continuity!! // i've run out of tags but yeah! had fun with this one! every so often i go a#little insane in making art and the final result astounds even me. ngl i'm quite proud of this one. pretty colours <3333
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oh boy !! ! ! ! !!! ! thANK y0u all for the kind words on my last art posts. you all get it and i was/still am so happy about it
as promised, here's some close-ups of the comic for image quality's sake, and other screenshots i rescued from the community whiteboard (and something else)
first up another sketch of mystery gender-ambiguous being. (please send me more name ideas for them if you got one- i like to hear em! (reminder it's the side character that appeared for <10 seconds in AvM Ep. 30))
a few fav scenes
emotional support cwab
they weren't meant for this purpose exactly, but i do have countless "fluffy sticks" loose in my notes and homework sheets from the school years.
papery critter.
even when i wasn't confident in fur or feathers, they helped me practice posing and create some satisfying gradients/flowing poses. (im a sucker for good tail poses) (oh yay! i found a good pic...)
and finally, little sneak peak for you for reading so far ;3
i realized that whiteboardfox is pretty great for my working needs. simple and to the point and all. feels nice with the mouse and the tablet.
so i started hashing out a big project idea just to see if it holds up and
[
several hours later ...
]
oh
oh man
it's a little bigger than i expected
<next>
#--/ art#alan becker#animator vs animation#animation vs minecraft#Minecraft bed#ava the dark lord#ava the chosen one#me when the project that obviously wasn't going to be done in one night isn't done in one night: D: !?!?!?!?#kudos to whoever routed the Speedrun actual short because that one is so fun and clean and savvy#clever made up time-savers? includes orange's TNT shield-jump?? nonlethal dragon dispatch??? sweet#ithink you can see where i tried to head with this#turns out that turning up the complexity 98 notches higher makes things trickier to parse hmmmmmm?#in fact i might need some help with this one ;>v>' like a lot.#i had a bit of a story and route set up already i just... wanted to make sure everything was at least kinda there...................#we'll see#the pie joke. i was trying to categorize which foodstuffs chosen should be able to make on the fly. with their flame hands.#ex. cooking meats makes sense because flint and steel works for the same purpose (you can kill a burning animal to get cooked meats)#but baking bread or drying kelp seems way more involved or whatever -> needs a proper furnace environment#HOWEVER... i noticed that Steve can just summon pumpkin pies from his bare hands if he wants to without even a workbench. so. sure! lol.#this is scraping the surface of the minutiae i want to consider#(ALSO KUDOS to everyone who RUNS/works on all-advancements. of course. riding on your shoulders here)#final joke is that chosen didn't know how crazy this undertaking would be to learn#but dark is very literally programmable. so you could maybe just plug some TAS instructions into him and off he goes#or even more open-ended than that just give him the list of advancements + stipulations + the wiki and similar result#it'd get done but. i dont think he'd find that fun at all. prefers to write his own instructions if you see what i mean#i might be forgetting some context. it is rather late you see. please ask me questions about this! ;P#tco aa
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Are requests still open? If yes could we maybe see a jealous P please? Like he’s learning his emotions and he learns he doesn’t like jealousy or something
Jealous Pinocchio! ☆
↳ Hello nonnie! Requests are indeed still open, and I love jealousy prompts >:3 also sorry to everyone who has sent in a request that I haven't answered yet, I have been sick and busy, well, playing the game </3 Under the cut because this is a long boy
➸ Okay so jealousy with Pinocchio obviously depends, much like you said, on how human he is; how much he knows about not only his own emotions, but emotions in general. It's because of this that, at first, there really isn't a lot of instances of jealousy on his part, and what instances there may be are not going to be immediately recognisable as such. And of course this is due to the fact that Pinocchio just doesn’t have a good grasp on his own emotions initially; he knows he’s feeling something and that that something is almost unpleasant, he just doesn’t know what to do with it or even what to call it.
➸ The main way jealousy at first manifests with Pinocchio is a little off putting, almost. You could probably mistake it for a sort of increased protectiveness; when he sees you talking to someone he stands close, glares at the other person or just watches like a hawk for the duration of the conversation. He doesn’t say anything or really do anything and it gets a little creepy. Don’t get me wrong, Pinocchio doesn’t mean it in a bad way whatsoever – he just wants your attention – but to everyone else it looks like he’s waiting for whoever you’re talking to to suddenly attack or something. It’s his eyes that do it, they’re so dead that is just doesn’t inspire any form of ease when it happens. Luckily, these instances are rare and fairly easy to handle. Just give him your attention and he’ll relax. And of course, as he grows this habit of his simmers down and changes.
➸ [Honestly though this could be so funny too because like, despite the fact that it’s both unnerving and rare I imagine that everyone would eventually end up catching on to what’s happening and god they have a field day with it. Especially Venigni. He doesn’t mean any harm but seeing Pinocchio look like he’s going to combust on the spot is a little bit funny. Do the rest help enable Venigni and this habit? Maybe, maybe. Eugénie is the main co-conspirator here.]
➸ As Pinocchio changes and becomes more human he settles into his feelings more, he learns and grows to not only feel them but process and identify them. And this, of course, goes for jealousy as well. Through both his own experiences and talking with humans Pinocchio is able to realise that yeah, he’s felt jealousy. That that's what that uncomfortable tightness was. However what is most interesting is that the more human Pinocchio becomes the more jealous he finds himself getting, and on a more regular basis. A part of this is because there is an increasing depth to his character and emotions, so naturally they grow more intense, but the more important part is the growing cause of his jealousy; that being his nature as both puppet and human.
➸ Now I do believe that Pinocchio never had an inherent desire to be human, and that it was something he strove to become because he believed that his father would want him as one, and because as a “special puppet” it would only make sense for him to try and change his nature. And so what Pinocchio was or should be never quite bothered him at first - more just filled him with a sense of confusion – but as he grows more human the more he genuinely wants to be one, and your relationship with him plays a major part in that and his jealousy. You see, Pinocchio wants humanity so he can truly love you, but it is this growing humanity and desire that places the weight of what he really is on him; a puppet and as such not enough.
➸ It is jealousy born of insecurity, the more he tries to change the more his faults become apparent to him. His perceived inability to emote, to understand; the disconnect between himself and you, the gap that Pinocchio wonders if he will ever be able to truly close. He is worried, very much so, about being replaced or cast aside, because if the choice came up between himself and someone fully human, well, why on earth would you chose him? This insecurity is only heightened post game, where – and of course spoilers – Pinocchio has been betrayed by his own father, the person he thought loved him despite his being a puppet. I don’t want to build it up too much, but being told you’re only there to be replaced and that you’re not enough by someone who you trusted has to leave its mark, especially when you share memories with the person you were supposed to be only to realise that they were never enough either. Like, yeah. Ouch!
➸ Of course as Pinocchios’ emotions grow so do the rest of his abilities, including being able to tell what he truly does vs doesn’t like feeling. He could always kind of do it, but now he is able to fully articulate the why of it, and jealousy has landed itself into the category of “I Do Not Like This”. Now that itself is fairly obvious, no one likes being jealous, but the main reason its there for Pinocchio is because it makes him feel bad, almost guilty. To him jealousy indicates a lack of trust in partners, but the kicker is that he does trust you. Despite everything that’s happened Pinocchio places his full trust and faith in you day after day, or at least he thinks he does, and on top of that even if you did end up finding someone better and/or leaving he would have no right to stop you. If you wanted to it would break Pinocchios heart, but he would let go because he would hate to try and control you; to force you into something you don’t want to be in. And so not only does his own jealousy make him feel bad but it confuses him greatly, because Pinocchio knows that he can’t control you and that he can trust you, so why does he still get that sinking feeling when he sees you with someone else? [It’s the unresolved issues, but you didn’t hear that from me]
➸ On a lighter note though, while Pinocchios jealousy is heightened and most frequent post-game it will naturally simmer out, much like how the whole protective-jealousy phase did. That is not to say that it is a fast process, naturally it is slow and time consuming - and that in part is due to simply how many things there are to do now that his father and Simon are dead - but with the support of yourself and a few makeshift therapy session with Gemini and Sophia [i.e. literally just talking about what he’s feeling], it ends up being something that he can handle a fair bit better than before. Still a slow process, but manageable [also PAUSE imagine Gemini on a table and Pinocchio laying on a couch like they’re actually in a therapists office with Sophia taking notes].
➸ Anyway yes, the main thing that helps is through talking to you. It gets to a point – and rather quickly at that – where Pinocchio finds that he just really needs to tell you what he’s feeling. He feels bad about it, of course, but I think what he really needs to be told at first is that it’s just natural. People get jealous even if they don’t want to or mean to and sure maybe not like he does, but that is something that can be worked on. Pinocchio needs support in his own ways and for his own things, even if he might not necessarily want to admit it, but luckily Pinocchio can also a very transparent lover, especially after becoming human.
➸Okay to drag this whole thing on let’s back peddle a teeny bit. How jealousy manifests at the heightened point actually shares similarities with how it initially manifested. However instead of coming off as protective it very obviously comes off as jealousy mixed with something akin to fear, for reasons already discussed. He also develops the habit of just quite literally pulling you away from whoever you’re talking to and taking you somewhere else. Pinocchio does this under the guise of “I’m human now so I want to spend as much time with you as I can to bask in it” but it is very obviously just Not That. Or more not fully that, anyway. It does retain a little bit of the humour it originally had, and yes there’s still a little bit of poking fun and riling him up [especially from Venigni] but that is rare, mainly because it’s kind of also just sad that he feels the need to do it after everything they’ve all been through together. And Pinocchio knows rationally that none of them are going to try and “steal” you off him, for lack of a better word, but that rational thinking just doesn’t help much here. However this is also not the only habit that develops, sometimes Pinocchio will simply avoid you for a little, a sort of self pitying isolation mainly because he doesn’t want you to see him upset or jealous. None of the hotels residents know which one is worse to witness, honestly it might be a tie.
➸ Okay so on an actual actual lighter note [and because we cannot be here all day], once both Pinocchios’ relationship with his humanity is better his jealousy becomes something fairly rare, much like at the start. And by that point Pinocchio has also come to terms with it too, it’s a part of him he can accept and make peace with. After this, a lot of instances of it are just kind of cute. Like I will be absolutely real with you he is playing it up to get your attention; you’re getting puppy dog eyes, pouting, and in private Pinocchio’s going to go on some very light hearted spiel about how you no longer love him, all “woe is me” on you. As a human Pinocchio has grown a rather mischievous and sassy yet still gentlemanly personality and it so fucking shows here. A lot of these instances of jealousy are caused by, you guessed it, Pinocchio not getting enough attention, which is a little funny because by this point he’s very able to be alone by himself for a while. The other instances are people just getting too close [i.e. Venigni and Eugénie] or things of that ilk.
#HELP NONNIE THIS ENDED UP OVER 1.7K I AM SO SORRY SJKKDZFHG#also I am thinking of writing some fucking uh#pinocchio or venigni kink hcs would anyone be interested in either of those#Of course this is all a lot more complex than I have made it out to be but you get the idea#I really don't want to make an analysis here so sdkfjhgsdhf#also if this isn't coherent just do not tell me#lies of p#lies of p x reader#pinocchio x reader#pinocchio#my writing
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Been a fan of your fics for YEARS. I was just telling my friend how despite how much I read fics I never actually love them, with some of your fics (especially TMA) as the exception. Felt the need to reread some of them and saw you reblogged some ISAT fanart. So. Any thoughts on ISAT you'd like to share?
Hope you have a wonderful day!! So happy I found your fics again!!
I avoided answering this for a while because I was trying to think of a way to cohesively and coherently vocalize my thoughts on In Stars and Time. I have given up because I don't want to hold everybody here all day and I have accepted that my thoughts are just pterodactyl screeching.
I love it so much. I have so much to say on it. It drove me bonkers for like a week straight. I have AUs. It's absolute Megbait. They're just a little Snufkin and they're having the worst experience of anybody's life. Ludonarratives my fucking beloved.
I am going to talk about the prologue.
The prologue is such a fascinating experience. You crack open the game and immediately begin checking off all of the little genre boxes: mage, warrior, researcher, you're the rogue...some little kid who's there for some reason...alright, you know the score. You're in yet another indie Earthbound RPG, these are your generic characters, let's get the ball rolling.
Except then you realize that these characters are people. You feel instantly how you've entered the game at its last dungeon, at the end of the adventure. They have their own in-jokes, histories, backgrounds, adventures. They get along well and they're obviously close, but not in a twee or unrealistic way. They have so much chemistry and spirit and life. I fell in love with them so quickly.
But Sif doesn't. Sif kind of hates them, because they will not stop saying the same damn thing. They walk the same paths, do the same things, make the same jokes, expect Sif to say the same lines. They keep referencing a Sif we do not see, with jokes we never see him make and heroic personality he never shows - they reference a Sif who is dead - and Sif can't handle that, so he kills them too.
They become only an exercise in tedious frustration. Sif button mashes through their dialogue, Sif mindlessly clicks the same dialogue options, Sif skips through the tutorial, Sif blows through the puzzles. Sif turns their world into a video game. Sif is playing a generic RPG. Sif forgets their names. They are no longer people with in-jokes, histories, backgrounds, adventures. They're the mage, the warrior, the researcher, and...some random kid.
I did not understand the Kid's presence at first. I had no idea what they contributed to the game. They didn't do anything. As a party member in a video game, they're a bit useless. Why is the Kid there?
Because Sif's life isn't a video game. Because the kid isn't 'the kid'. They're Bonnie. Bonnie, who the party loves. Why is Bonnie there? Because they love them. There is no room for Bonnie in the boring RPG that Sif is playing. And then you realize that Sif is wrong, and that they've lost something extremely important, and that they'll never escape without it.
Watching the prologue before watching ISAT gave ISAT the most unique air of dread and horror, because you crack open ISAT and you see the person Sif used to be. You realize that Sif used to be a person. Sif used to be the person who made jokes, who gave real smiles, who interacted with the world as if they are a part of it. And you know you are sitting down to watch Sif lose everything that made them a person, to lose everything that made them a member of this world, and turn them into a character in a video game who doesn't understand the point of Bonnie at all.
At the climax of the game, when the others realize that something is deeply wrong and that Sif physically cannot tell them, they realize that there is nothing they can do. So Bonnie declares snacktime. And for the first time they have snacktime.
What is snacktime? Classic JRPGs don't have snacktime. There's literally no point to a snacktime - not in a video game, and not in Sif's terrible life. It's not fixing this, because nothing can fix this. But Bonnie gives Sif a cookie and Sif eats it.
It's meaningless. It's a cutscene. It didn't save Sif and it didn't change a thing. It will make no difference in the end.
But it did make the difference. It made all of the difference in the world. Bonnie is a character who you really don't understand the point of before you realize that Bonnie was the entire point.
ISAT is about comfort media. Why do we play the same video games over and over again? Why do we avoid watching the finale of our favorite shows? What is truly comforting: a story with no conflict, or a story where you always know what is about to happen? Do you want to live in a scary, uncontrollable world, or do you want to play Stardew Valley? Do you want a person or a character?
When I beat Earthbound for the first time (and if you don't know, the prologue/ISAT battle system is just Mother) and watched the ending cutscene where the characters part ways and say goodbye...I felt a little bit sad. I wanted them to be together forever. But that's something only characters could ever be.
#these aren't deep or unique thoughts they're just the specific aspect of ISAT that made it one of the most interesting gaming experiences#i actually like the prologue much more than ISAT for just this reason#its honestly a video game art piece that's created to give the player a very specific experience#that makes them an aspect of the narrative that is told#it's. incredible.#in stars and time#start again start again start again#start again: a prologue#isat#god and there is so so so so much more to say here#what a rich and complex and fascinating game that made me cry like a baby#i dont even kin sif. we arent similar at all.#i cant imagine how devastating this game would have been if i did#but I do have a deep relationship with escapsim#and i write about it a lot#and video games about being video games are wonderful#as are stories about being stories#and why we consume stories. how we use them. how they save us and hurt us.#never played a video game that used its medium so well#i bet undertales also pretty good at that but this is more so i think#stories about stories have to be about why we love stories#and im not an artsy person and i roll my eyes a bit when people talk about the spiritual neccesity of art#i think people need stories because the world is sad and hard and boring and we want to think about something else for a while.#some people need to be anywhere but here#and sometimes if you're Lil Depressed-Ass Snufkin that looks like being here forever#baby cringe-ass snufkin big hat idiot
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If I have you blocked, please do not message me on other accounts. If you know I have you blocked on one place, please do not try to reach out to me if you find out i didn't block you on another place.
It is very frustrating knowing that some people, not everyone, will see that I have them blocked and will go through different accounts to send me anons or dms. I know that when it gets to that point, it is a bit pointless to try and publicly ask someone like that to just leave me alone, but you know! I still wanna like. Ask you. To leave me alone if I have made it clear multiple times that I don't want to interact with you. I don't really care if you believe its unfair that I have you blocked. Unfortunately, in the world of online spaces, if I decide that I don't want to talk to you because i felt so uncomfortable that I decided to block you, thats me expressing a boundry. That's me saying 'please leave me alone'.
I'm some weirdo online who writes mid smut of traumatized guys. I should not be so important to you that you want to try and contact me through alt accounts or get upset when I continue to block you. I am uncomfortable. You reaching out knowing this, does not make that uncomfortable go away. It makes me more defensive, less willing to talk, and more prone to snapping and popping off if it does happen. I know it hurts when someone blocks you, but you need to understand that pushing for yourself to be unblocked through friends or anons, only makes the situation worse. There are so many other people to befriend who are so much nicer than I'll ever be, please leave me alone.
#scum talks#scum vents#sorry for the very awkward post but i am gettin stressed out and want to throw this in the void#i know people who do this usually are desperate for some kind of reconciliation#and if it was previous friends then thats a more complex matter and its not so to the point#however with near strangers this is incredibly uncomfortable and stresses me out#dont plan to make any more posts about this#unfortunately thos is the blog that gets checked the most outta what i own so. it goes here. sorry.#scum rants
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After recovering from the doomed yuri (he said, like a liar), I had a moment to think about a little detail that I'm not sure was seen again or addressed at all?
In the mission where we go into the cache copy of the Infinite Forest, there were 4 doors in the central room.
One led to Saint-14's Tomb and the other led to what would be the Encore area. But I recall the other 2 doors had some distinctions from the others (clearly remember one having what seemed like scorch marks and/or ice?) that were inaccessible.
....What's up with that?? There was speculation about where those could lead, but then I don't think we ever went back there to check?
Of course, I could just be misremembering things (it's not like my heart was mercilessly torn out from my chest, no no. I'm very capable of rational thinking at the present, yes)
No you remember right! They're there, I went batshit insane about this when I first got there. Took additional screenshots on my other visits and wrote up my observations in one of the posts, but I'll drop the screenshots here again because they're better quality/angles.
The icy gate is Europa gate. It literally uses the same textures and ice and snow:
Normal Sol Collective Vex come out of that gate during the fight, aka the ones you'd find on Europa. This isn't too big of a deal overall because those Vex are just the standard Vex units in the system. However, the other gate? The grassy one? That's the Black Garden gate:
During the fight, Sol Divisive Vex come out of it. This means that the Europa gate doesn't just have random Vex, it's like that on purpose, otherwise this one could've also had the Sol Collective, rather than Sol Divisive. The distinction between them does matter. Could just be for the purpose of showing off different units and all; not necessarily some huge hint but still. I don't think I'll ever stop thinking about it.
It's a really big area with a lot of stuff that's really unique, such as these various gates. It hasn't been used for anything other than this mission. Was it just a nice setpiece for a really important mission or is there something more here that might be revisited? No clue, but it looks like something that could be used at a later date.
You can return here from Encore, but I don't think it's intended. You can't come back when you're at the start of the mission; there's a turn back zone. But when you return to the starting area while doing the secret chest, you can go back fully to this room. And it's a little weird. The radiolaria pool on the floor is not moving or damaging you, for example, which means that it's not intended to go back. But if you want to go explore the area, you can!
I have no idea if they ever plan on expanding on this. The whole idea is super intriguing to me. Nessus has these "archives" that can apparently go to different places? At least Vex-controlled ones like the Black Garden and Europa (I'm thinking it's possibly connected to the Nexus/Glassway). Can these be tuned to make other areas accessible, even if they're just archived? And obviously a really peculiar detail is that they specifically use the Infinite Forest portal, including being able to go to the Infinite Forest archive, in the case of Saint's tomb at least.
Obviously this went beyond the scope of this season, but when it comes to the Vex and their abilities and options, I am very intrigued by this whole area and what it may be capable of. Also, better image of Descendant Wyverns which are unique units made only for this mission (that I am aware of):
Used only once, here. They have to have made them to be used at some point again in the future.
Certainly one of the most fascinating areas that just looks like something other than simply a setpiece for a one-time mission. The whole concept of it is really intriguing as well because if we could possibly access some of these other archives, could we learn more about the Vex and their plans? Uncover some of their secrets? Find a way to fight them better? Do these archives contain information about the actual places like the Black Garden and Europa, or are they just archives of simulations from the Forest? Or both? Also, which collective controls this archive even? One of the gates leads to the Black Garden and Sol Divisive isn't on good terms with the rest of the collectives, so how are they dealing with that?
These are questions for another day, I suppose. *punches through the drywall*
#destiny 2#vex#nessus#ask#long post#vex scholars and infinite forest scholars HATE it here and are killing themselves!#we need to go more in depth about the vex some day. please#like what the hell is all of this#the archives........... i need to know#NOT to mention that any sort of connection to europa immediately makes me think of the glassway portal and volantis#i know it's hard to actually make something plausible in how we deal with the vex. they're just so complex with the time shenanigans#but still. i want it. i want us to deal with the vex more. and like. figure out what is all of this that they have
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i feel like there must be a way about talking about transmisogyny in trans spaces without making posts that act like every single trans person comes from a large liberal usamerican city
#'all trans men are treated like abc and given access to xyz' well. that may be true to your experience living in the gay part of new york#i saw one talking about some 'local queer community' that we all apparently have access to and are treated like perfect angels by#what local queer community? lol.#there are discrepancies in experiences in every trans experience due to transmisogyny but it's more complex than#one monolithic transmasculine experience and one monolithic transfeminine experience#i think your level of privilege is also defined by where you are geographically when it comes to transness but ofc usamericans#in states where you can go to planned parenthood don't want to talk about that one as much#like the uk sucks for trans people and my area in particular is horrible but at least it's legal here.
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i am actually so tired of the way westerners treat eastern europeans
#fair warning for. a very very long ramble and rant in the tags. apologies#westerner or russian. no other option#westerner because the only thought they ever have is 'but they had universal housing so if you oppose ussr you oppose that'#(which is stupid becuse you can believe in that WITHOUT WANTING LIKE 6 COUNTRIES TO BE FORCED TO BE RULED OVER BY RUSSIA)#(SORRY FOR WANTING TO LIVE IN MY COUNTRY WITH MY HISTORY AND MY CULTURE AND NOT RUSSIA!!) (poland was a sattelite state but GOD)#or russian because they have a victim complex and are convinced that they deserve to rule over the entire damn world#'well you had universal housing so you had it easy' right yeah. okay. forget about like. everything else that happened#to eastern europeans during that time#forget about the things that are STILL issues all these years later not only in poland but like the more eastern countries too#its not about. the fact that the houses 'didnt have 3 bedrooms and a jacuzzi' in them. you DUMB SACK OF SHIT#god sorry. sorry. i also know so very little but like god damn i fucking live here. i didnt sit thru all that modern history#for some dumbfuck to say that 'ohhh only rich and american middle class people are happy the ussr was dissolved'#'oooh the dissolving of the ussr was illegal and the countries within it actually liked being there'#im just so fucking tired man i need to. i need to start killing people#and this is all not to mention that theyll say this stupid shit and then deny eastern europeans the things they actually did that were good#FUCK french people for trying to claim maria skłodowska. fuck americans for trying to claim the witcher as their own fantasy world#fuck the way the west is allowed to claim and destroy eastern european culture without any consequence because we dont matter enough#vaguely related but ill throw this in here since anyone finding it is unlikely and im scared of having this opinion#i think one underappreciated aspect of DE (which might be underappreciated because its not actually there and im stupid)#is that its pro-communist while still also giving some criticism to how it was handled and acknowledging that its still not perfect#which makes the writers much better communists than any self-proclaimed one ive ever met in my life who just worships the idea#perhaps its because the writers of the game were not white upper middle-class americans living in the suburbs. among other things#idk de is a game for people far smarter than me and i only played it once and im sure anyone who played it well can clock me as a bad perso#horrible horrible person even which is why im scared of mentioning it. but its an interesting thing. to me#the main thing is that im just not. im not far left enough i suppose. i agree communism in theory is a great idea. as far as i know it#(which isnt very far)#but chances of implementing it correctly in a way that doesnt take away from peoples happiness in other areas is. low. very low#i wrote a short essay about how utopias are inherently contradictory ideas once it wasnt very deep or good but like#you cant have universal happiness without restricting certain freedoms. and when those freedoms are resticted not everyone#will be happy. and then theyre unhappy they will have to be somehow removed or ignored
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i think there's something to be said about what exactly it means to be "non-human" in a story that is as much about humanity as wolf 359 is, where even the dear listeners are defined less by their own perspective and more by what they fail to understand and therefore reflect about the human perspective - to the point that they don't even have their own voices or faces or identities that aren't either given to them or taken from humans. they speak to humanity as a mirror.
even pryce and cutter are "very much humans" - pryce defined by her resentment of and desire to transcend its limitations, and cutter by his aspirations to redefine and create a "better" type of human - and find the idea that they might not be human laughable. it's interesting that they have distinctly transhumanist aspirations when their goal is the narrative opposite of common science fiction fears: that we will expand the definition of humanity so much that we'll lose whatever it is that makes us human. pryce and cutter's transhumanism narrows the definition of humanity to the worthy and the useful, as defined by them; "there will still be a humanity; it'll just be our humanity."
in direct opposition to that, i think it's meaningful that the show instead expands the definition of humanity in ways that include lovelace and hera, who in another show with different themes might be considered (in the descriptive, non-moralistic sense) non-human. i will always make a point of saying that personhood and humanity are two often-related but meaningfully distinct concepts, especially when talking about sci-fi and fantasy. i am talking about humanity.
the question of how hera identifies, and what social pressures influence that, is a complicated one. i've talked about it before and i will talk about again. what's important for the purposes of this post is that i think the show considers her fundamentally human. think about her role in shut up and listen - consider jacobi's lion example and the concept of different paradigms - that even things that are close to humans, comparatively speaking, understand the world in different ways. whatever differences hera may have from the others, it's primarily in experience, not fundamental understanding. she shares their emotions, their concerns, their values, their thought patterns. she has an appreciation for music, which the show considers a hallmark of humanity. she fits within the framework of humanity as the show defines and is, in her own words, left feeling "uneasy" about how difficult it might be to communicate with beings who don't. and it's significant that this takes place in shut up and listen, of all episodes, specifically because the way she is clearly and unambiguously included in the show's understanding of what it means to be human highlights the ways she and lovelace are othered by eiffel's careless comments that suggest otherwise.
(i don't want to get too into these details for this particular post, but it's worth noting that hera will refer to 'humans' as a category, often when she is upset and feeling isolated, but has never said that she 'isn't human' - she has never been upset that people are treating her 'too' human. i've seen it said about the line "you need to get it through your heads that what goes for you doesn't always go for me", but that's a frustration related to ability and safety, not identity. far more often, she will refer to herself in 'human' terms - referring idiomatically to experiences or body parts etc. that she doesn't literally have - and is upset primarily with comments referring to her status as an AI. it does not diminish how being an AI influences her perspective and experience, but again, so much of that is in terms of ability that it feels almost inseparable from a discussion about disability.)
lovelace's humanity and hera's humanity are so interlinked and directly paralleled in the text that i think it's impossible to really argue one of them is "not" human without making implications about the other. in desperate measures, lovelace tells kepler he's "not human" and he responds "you're hilarious. on a multitude of levels." later, defending lovelace against kepler's repeated dehumanization, hera very pointedly uses the phrase "that woman." in out of the loop, hera says she's never met anyone who "worked so hard at being inhuman" as jacobi, who says "what do you know about being human?" hera very emphatically responds, "i know plenty." later, defending hera against jacobi's repeated dehumanization, minkowski pointedly uses the phrase "that woman." with the care taken towards language and the way scenes and turns of phrase will parallel each other, that's not a coincidence. it might seem strange to have the "non-human" characters be the ones to express criticisms based on perceived "humanity" (something hera will do in other contexts as well - "we don't have funerals for animals" etc.) but in the broader context of the show, i think it's the point.
so, whether hera would ever call herself human, or be comfortable with that, is a complicated question for another time and depends on a lot of other factors. but wolf 359 is a show about humanity, it includes her within its definition of what it means to be human, and i wouldn't be comfortable definitively saying she's not human because of that. it can't be a neutral statement within the particular context of this show.
#wolf 359#w359#hera wolf 359#there are so many concepts here that could be posts on their own#but this is already too long. sorry.#i think it's also worth noting how often i see the discussion of hera and humanity conflated with the discussion of#whether hera would want a body and while i think there's some degree of influence in that. if she has human experiences without human form#there's something uniquely isolating about that that could influence her decision. BUT. the form she exists or doesn't exist in#is separate from whether the show includes her within its 'in group' of humanity. which thematically it does.#hera can be considered equally human without ever having any type of physical form. that's part of expanding the definition#and i think that's an important distinction.#anyway sorry i'm kind of passionate about this it just. doesn't quite sit right with me i guess#in a lot of cases i think it's important to acknowledge that non-human characters have different experiences from human ones and#a lot of science fiction will (or should) decentralize the human experience. but it's core to the themes of wolf 359. it's different.#i think hera is so interesting as a take on the 'human AI' character because. the mistake a lot of them make is having a character#'learn how to be human' and it feels patronizing. but hera is. a fundamentally human person who has been told she isn't#and internalized that. and i think that's much more complex and. well. human. i know she's just a fictional character but#i can't help but feel a little defensive sometimes#it's also part of a larger discussion but feeling inhuman is a not uncommon human experience. it is within those bounds
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Commander Week Day 2: Profession
(once again, typed much of this up after a work day so I apologize again if it reads rough around the edges)
There was a deafening bang somewhere behind them, followed by the shriek of tearing metal as the entire airship started to list port-side as the massive undead dragon strafed beyond Vireskk's field of vision. He got his armored feet under him as he looked outside at the gunners stationed along the modified bowsprit from his vantage in the covered cockpit. One of the Pact officers posted on the airship with him, warmaster Oort, barreled inside covered in Risen gore. His deep voice was thick with adrenaline as he said, “In the clear, but only just. There’s more of the bastards closing in.” Before he could form a reply one of the ship’s ensigns, a young human of barely over twenty, ran in and stopped short in front of him, “Commander! Warmast—Sirs!” “Get on with it!” Oort growled. Vireskk nodded at the ensign, signaling him to continue. The man, already flushed from the continuous fighting, went scarlet as he said hastily, “Sir! We took a hit in the stern and we’re losing altitude, we got a transport that’s lining up to take the crew away, but the dragon might be back any minute! Visibility is poor and we’re dropping ballast as fast as we can.” The commander’s expression was grimly set as he weathered the news. “That dragon needs to be taken down, otherwise whatever ship we jump to is just going to be another fresh kill. Warmaster,” He leveled a steady gaze at Oort, “Take what supplies and crew you can and get off this ship, now. I will help them with the dragon.” The Vigil officer didn’t budge, ready to argue as he watched Vireskk go to a weapon rack and take a sizeable longbow from it. Oort gave him a look of open incredulity as he said, “You even know how to use that thing?” The commander smiled, a wan expression as he tried to pull a pleasant memory that at this point felt like a distant, faraway thing that happened to someone else in a different time, “I had archery lessons during my aptitude exams, I was a pretty decent shot at least. We shall see how true my aim has remained.” The big asura stared at his distinctly striped face and replied, a snarl in his voice, “Do you really think this is going to do us any good? Better to take it down once stationed on a fresh ship instead.” Vir returned the gaze with a stoic one of his own. He understood the officer’s penchant for rankling at following orders sometimes so he was careful with explaining the objective. “I acknowledge the merit in your words, however you and the rest of the crew are going to need cover fire and for the Risen to be occupied while you evacuate, they might try to capitalize on your vulnerable position otherwise.” The warmaster frowned and shot back, “You need more backup on here in that case. You, those guild members and a handful of gunners providing cover?” Vireskk’s mien became intense. Though Oort was much greater in stature and build, the gravitas of the commander’s whole demeanor and voice seemed to close the gap in physical disparity entirely. “We all knew and accepted the risks the very second of the Pact’s inception. You are to oversee the immediate evacuation of this ship and to rendezvous if our task is successful, or to press on if it isn’t. You have your orders.” Every word of his command rang like a gavel, decisive and brooking no argument. The Vigil warrior went silent and appraised him with an unreadable expression for a few heartbeats before nodding curtly, pushing past the dumbfounded ensign before the latter followed him out so they could proceed with offboarding.
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Wind was howling in Vireskk’s ears as he briefly conferred with the crew that remained outside on the deck of the ship. They were still losing altitude but slower now since the power backups were still operational. The evacuation was not a moment too soon as they saw the hideous forms of multiple dragons dive towards them. The gunners in position once again with the members of Destiny’s Edge keeping an eye on the deck, the commander held up his fist and began chanting a litany that grew in power, cadence and volume, preternaturally loud and strident so that to the crew even the dragons’ roaring seemed muffled. Silvery blue flames wreathed him and all on deck, his promise to them that as long as he stood, so would they. As the on-board magitech cannons powered up he nocked an arrow, sighting down it as he pulled back. The muscle memory from his lessons was still there, but there was still a spark of uncertainty within him and he worried if he really would be of much use with it as the chaos of battle started to surround him. Magic flames came to life once more as he narrowed his focus and slipped into a meditative state, the fire dancing and coruscating around his arms in eldritch patterns until it set the arrow on fire. There! Something clicked in his mind just as a Risen dragon wheeled around in full view of himself and the broadsides.
Onboard the airship nearby that was pulling into a strafing run to assist, Oort and the others saw along with the pulses of cannon fire streaks of fiery arrows collide with and ignite the corrupted, rotting flesh of the dragons that burned pieces away like scraps of parchment thrown onto a bonfire. The monsters shrieked in rage and agony and it wasn’t long until one by one they were routed and torn apart by the collective barrage from both ships.
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Later on back in Fort Trinity after the fall of Zhaitan during all of the spontaneous revelry that had gripped the Pact collectively, the commander found himself with a short-lived breather away from the nexus of it all. Warmaster Oort, also inclined to stick outside the orbit of everything, approached him and greeted him by way of a slap on the shoulder. Vireskk smiled and hid a wince as he held a bandaged arm. The larger asura wasted no preamble and said directly, “I glitched up, doubting you back there at The Humble. I admit I’ve been carrying around misgivings about you and all this in general for some time. I think you’ve proven me wrong on multiple counts now.” Vir looked out into the sizeable group of jubilant Pact soldiers before looking back at the warmaster, “Apology accepted, that’s quite a rare and precious thing coming from you.” He chuckled lightly before adding, “I do not blame you for your misgivings though. I did have to prove myself and show just how willing I was to not simply speak of virtue and sacrifice but to put it into practice. It is individuals like you that help shake me out of habits of wanting to observe and be reactive instead of proactive. So I encourage you to continue to speak openly.” Oort grunted a sound of affirmation, the most response he’d get out of the taciturn officer. The commander gave one of his uncommon playful smiles and added, “That still doesn’t give you free pass to argue with direct orders when we’re in the middle of a combat zone, however.” He turned to Vireskk and smirked lopsidedly, the closest thing he’d come to a proper smile and replied back, “Noted, I’ll work on that. But only if you say you’ll work on your terrible aim.” They both laughed together as they returned to the celebration.
#GW2#Guild Wars 2#gw2commanderweek#Asura#writing#my writing#my characters#Vireskk#A couple of DISCLAIMERS here#I took some liberties with how events transpired in the Victory or Death story chapter#wanted to add a little bit more complexity to the airship battle sequence#also I interpreted his ability to use a bow as a Guardian as something of a retcon in regards to weapon proficiencies#I understand that it wasn't A Thing during this part of the story in-game but I decided he's always known how to use one#so there
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