#I wanna change my John in the future though

[m0thdoctor]

them anyone????

[cowboyfromh3ll]

Hcs for how each of the boys to react to "I'm pregnant"?

Any of them that you want to write for :)

So excited

English not my first language. Sorry

Van Der Linde Gang's Boys' Reactions To "I'm pregnant" (And Eagle Flies)

Hehehe this was so cute and also I didn't edit this ❤️

Warnings: none

Arthur Morgan

He'd be so fucking happy

Probably in disbelief at first but oh my God he'd be overjoyed

Ask you if you're serious over and over

Once he's convinced he's gonna ask all these questions about your physical and mental wellbeing

Celebrates with you (whatever that entails wink wink)

In his elated haze he's gonna wanna ask all these questions about your future together as parents

Is aware the gang ain't the best place to raise a kid but he'll reassure you that you'll have the whole gangs support

John Marston

Oh god

Let's just say he wouldn't be the most elated parent 😭💀

He's already got Jack and now he needs to take care of another?

If this were a revelation that came earlier in the game he's gonna be very irresponsible but I feel like he wouldn't deny that the kid was his

So at that point he's sort of forced to actually give a damn about him

And believe me he'd try but he wouldn't be the best at it, would need guidance

If this came later in the game like epilogue he'd probably be WAY more happier.

Your lives are finally settled and you can afford to have a kid

He'd be the happiest and more supportive husband and dad

Still wouldn't be sure about all the ropes but he'd try

Dutch Van Der Linde

He'd be SO happy

Like genuinely he'd shower you with gifts and praise and reassurance

I feel like part of it would be a power thing for him because not only can he lead a gang, but now he can lead a family

Also some sort of weird power symbol for him. Idk how, but it is

Wouldn't let you lift a finger

Would probably keep you in his tent to rest 24/7 and only allows a few people (Grimshaw, Hosea) to see you

He's going to hope and pray it's a boy

Charles Smith

HE'D BE IN SO MUCH SHOCK AND FEEL SM HAPPINESS IT'D BE SO CUTE

You sorta have to repeat the news to him a few times for him to fully absorb it

Literally a dream of his to start a family one day so now that he has it he's ecstatic

Probably incentive to leave the gang though, doesn't want his child growing up in that environment

Would prefer if you sit back and rest but won't hold you back if you don't want to

Javier Escuella

This is cause to celebrate

Takes you into town on a date

Offers you massages, foot rubs, hand massages

Sings to you to calm you

Holds your hair when you throw up (true love)

Buys you clothes to accomodate to your changing body

Kieran Duffy

THE SWEETEST REACTION

I feel like he'd start crying

Asks to touch your belly and would speak to it

That night he'd fall asleep while holding it

Wakes up the next morning and remembers you're pregnant and his day is already off to an amazing start

Get drunk while celebrating it and he'd boast to everyone about how he's gonna be a dad

Sean Macguire

He'd say some stupid shit I already know it

Probably crack a sex joke

He's getting stupid, fucking drunk. I'm talking black out

He's probably gonna wanna celebrate if you catch my drift HAHAHA

He'd forget to be gentle sometimes out of excitement, like carrying you around and cheering

Refuses to let you do any work

In private I feel like he'd cry

Lenny Summers

He'd probably panic a bit at first

Ask all these questions about how you guys are gonna be parents and if you're even ready

Once the two of you talk through it a little more he'll calm down and his nerves turn to excitement

I'm assuming y'all would be real young so he'd seek for a lot of guidance in the others

Constantly asks you questions about what you want and need

Bill Williamson

He'd be so flustered and nervous

Probably in disbelief for a while and asks if you're serious

I wouldn't blame you for thinking he's upset with the news at first

But he just needs time to process how his life's about to change!

He becomes even more gentle with you, more than he already is

Will argue with Miss Grimshaw about letting you rest/lightening your work load

And let's be real, she would lower your work load but he'd insist it stops altogether

Micah Bell

He'd be in disbelief, but bad disbelief

That or the sleaziest reaction

I'm leaning more towards sleazy reaction

Talks about how he's gonna raise the bravest kid and he's constantly gonna reference to the kid as he because I'm convinced he wants a boy

Brags to the others

Don't get me wrong the gang's happy for you but the way Micah uses it as a point of elevation is IRRITATING

Hosea Matthews

He's the cutest like seriously

He'd be sooo happy

Probably in disbelief that he even managed to get you pregnant

I believe he'd cry, and openly, he's not ashamed! He's happy!

Announces it to the whole gang, means for celebration

Takes you on dates to buy cute little baby items ahhh

Eagle Flies

HE'D FREAK THE FUCK OUT

Pace around the room asking if you're for real, contemplates his entire life, curses himself for cumming inside

You'd have to calm him down and talk him through it

It'd be a super emotional moment for the two of you, eventually he'd realize he's fine with the idea of kids and he's just nervous!

Would ask his dad and a lot of tribe members for advice

Over time he'd get way more excited and bring up the topic more often

[ghostnotoast]

I'm having withdrawal symptoms from waiting for the new episode to come out, and this has been buzzing around my head since this part came out (also I wanna talk about my wife Lily)

Relistening to this part twice made me cry I'm not even gonna lie but weirdly enough it made me think of the end of season 1 where John gets a taste of being the king for a split second but then chooses to go back to Arthur. After he returns, he says:

"But it was in that time in the hospital, that month alone. Trapped in this body without you, when something changed"

"I found meaning. I found that the challenges of life within the boundaries of death were not only acceptable, but could be meaningful. That without a purpose I could forge my own. Is that humanity?"

Don't get me wrong, I don't think it was Lily who was fully responsible for giving John humanity - if anything, that's the mistake Arthur makes in season 3 when comparing John to Yellow (which John calls him out for). It was Arthur who laid out the pieces, and Lily was basically the one to make it click.

Buttt I think reducing John's reason for humanity to only one thing is almost a disservice- because developing a sense of self is so much more complex than that.

It was Arthur's love, it was the stories and thoughts he would share with John, it was being in awe of seeing trees and nature again after so long of living in the dark, it was hearing music, it was listening to the radio, it was the joy he felt after they complished something and he was finally able to feel something other than fear, it was seeing the wraith help them, it was holding a cute baby and picturing her future as a pianist, it was seeing her mother and recognising that she had just lost something priceless, it was having to hold onto hope that anyone is capable of redemption, it was defending and having empathy for the widow despite what Arthur had said.

The last moment is paralleled in season 3 with their conversation about Yellow. Listening to all these makes me realise just how much Yellow missed out on.

Arthur no doubt played a massive role in helping John find humanity and meaning, but honesty? I don't know if purely being with Arthur is what made John who he is. John himself has a conscious and had to make decisions on his own and, on multiple occasions, fights Arthur about ideology with basically little to no outside influence (e.g, their infamous first divorce).

Despite all that though, I still do think Arthur was one of the biggest reasons, I mean just look at Yellow 😭 I'll write an entire essay about him one day

But this entire yap session was basically me trying to imagine what exactly was so special about that month at the hospital because let's be real if I were John I would go crazy BUT sometimes i just imagine John being there, in a hospital without Arthur, being able to do nothing but think

He thinks about the bright clear blue sky he saw, a bird that landed on the windowsill when they were at the library, he thinks about how alive this world is compared to where he came from, he thinks about the radio that's playing, he thinks about the piano, and then he thinks about Arthur

And I imagine he looks at Lily, at her tending to them, at her chatting to them, at her turning on the radio for them so they're not bored and even though people would call all these extra bits of care pointless - she does it anyway, and she does it for them, and John is there to witness this, and that's the moment where it clicks.

I imagine it sort of being like being moved back to see a finished puzzle and finally understanding what you've been making this entire time after spending so long up close looking at individual pieces

And I think that's what the witch didn't understand about John's story. Lily's care was the climax of John becoming John, and even though John acknowledges that for her it was probably another Tuesday - it still doesn't dampen the fondness and love he has for her, he just loves for the sake of it

[alonelystargazer]

For the 'send me a fandom' post, Kagurabachi!!

Yay Kagurabachi my new favorite series! Well, not so new to me because I've been following it since March. It still might be too early to tell with some of these, but it will be fun to look back on this post in the future and see if anything has changed!

The first character I first fell in love with: 

I think it was Shiba. I really like mentor characters, he's devoted to keeping the Rokuhira legacy alive and untainted, and he has a mysterious past that I want to know more about. I NEED to know what it was like for him during the war! I just know he did some bad shit, but I wanna see it anyway. And I also wanna see more of his sorcery and fighting prowess on screen. Also, let's not forget that he's hot as hell! The rolled up sleeves and the slutty exposed ankle and the loose strand of hair! 🔥🔥🔥

I'm putting the rest under a read more because this is also a really long post.

The character I never expected to love as much as I do now: 

It feels wrong of me to say that I didn't like the main character Chihiro, but that's what it was like for me at first. I think I got a bad first impression of him as this cold edgy guy who just slices people up for fun from dudebros on twt, but he's really not like that. He isn't built for this lifestyle of taking revenge and murdering people. He only kept that cold facade because it's the only way he could keep his mission going, otherwise he would crumble. He's really kind and understanding on the inside and that bleeds through his exterior. We've seen how he acts towards Char and Mr. Inazuma, they're kids but he doesn't belittle them and he's protective of them. And he has an immense amount of trust in him, and he's supportive and is a source of inspiration for him, and in fact sees him as his equal (or even more) because of how much Hakuri has grown. There's more I could say, but this is already too long.

The character everyone else loves that I don’t: 

I think this mostly applies to JP fans, but I really despise Soya. Most Western fans hate Soya for being the worst older brother with a sick and twisted history of torturing Hakuri, but for that reason, he has the same appeal to JP fans as Naoya from JJK has, and I find that really weird.

The character I love that everyone else hates: 

Hmm, I don't think there's any character that applies. Most characters in KB seemed to be well-liked in some way.

The character I used to love but don’t any longer:

I also don't think there's any character that applies. My love for a character only continues to grow over time, unless we get something that shows them in a negative way.

The character I would totally smooch: 

SHIBA!!

Also the unnamed Hishaku leader known by the fandom as John Hishaku. And Kunishige. Also Hiyuki. And Tafuku. And Azami. Good lord there's a lot of hot people in KB.

don't look at me but Kyora too sorry I like dilfs

The character I’d want to be like: 

I think maybe a mix of Hiyuki and Hakuri. Hiyuki, for the fact that she knows that loyalties are flimsy and she can also see different perspectives. And Hakuri, because he had such low confidence in himself, thinking he's useless and hating himself for it, when he found people who believed in him and showed him kindness, he grew more confident and had the courage to fight against his abusers (who happen to be his own fucking family).

The character I’d slap: 

SOYA I HATE HIS ASS! But also Sojo, not because I hate him, but I just wanna see what his reaction would be lol.

A pairing that I love:

I'm a firm Hakuri/Chihiro fan. I think I've said this before, but they have such an immense level of trust in each other and that whole "we'll take down the Rakuzaichi together" thing is just peak yaoi.

But I also like any combination of Kunishige/Shiba/Azami, and Hiyuki/Tafuku.

A pairing that I despise: 

Soya/Hakuri because they're brothers and Soya is an abusive piece of shit. Also, Shiba/Chihiro because even though they aren't related and they're both adults, just the thought that Shiba most likely knew Chihiro from when he was a baby and watched him grow up is enough to deter me from this ship. But these are ships I've mostly seen from the JP fandom.

Also, I don't hate Chihiro/Hinao but I just find it funny that this ship still has shooters because it really has no legs to stand on. Even Chihiro/Hiyuki makes more sense as a het ship, if that's what you're looking for.

Well, there you go! Apparently, I have a lot say, sorry! And since there's only 44 chapters at the point of me writing this, my opinions could change, but for now, this is where I stand with Kagurabachi.

[vvatchword]

In Which I Get Zooted (and Talk about Paradise Lost for some reason)

Part 2 (View Reblogs for Flavor) ->

I am reading Paradise Lost again. Jesus christ it is so good. The first time I read it I had to get used to Ye Olde Englifh Poetic Conventionf and didn’t do very well. Fortunately, I read lots of early modern English in the distant past—it’s like a language I’ve mostly forgotten. That means that repeated exposure has reopened the prose to me. Eventually, I’m going to have to pick up a book about John Milton himself, because there are definitely some alien theological and historical points whizzing right over my head.

I don’t know what it is about Paradise Lost. Reading Dante was painful outside the Hell part… Bunyan’s Pilgrim’s Progress makes me want to kick him in the pants. or die (Dante’s cuntiness goes a long way, that said)

But like every time Milton writes a Satan speech you just wanna do a fistpump. Just the most conniving, fascinating character. Every other fucker in the “good” section pales by comparison. Hell—I’ll just say it: all of the devils are beautifully written. They feel like real people. Half of the time, you’re nodding along with them, and there’s a point where you have to kinda look over your shoulder at Milton, like… buddy do you have any idea what you are SAYING.

The way that everyone talks about Paradise Lost, you’d think the whole goddamn text was about Satan. It’s not. Three of the ten books focus on Satan. All the others are about the war in heaven, Adam and Eve, or the Fall. Look here: if all we had were the books about Adam and Eve and God’s tried-and-true, this would still be great literature, but it’s greater because the stilted, proper characters clash against what are supposed to be our villains. We are literally being forced to ask the question: WHY do the devil and his minions sound like the people we’d rather know? If Milton’s God were real, I’d be straight-up scared of him, okay. I’d be in the “shit shit shit I hope he doesn’t see or think of me ever” camp.

Fun fact about Paradise Lost: people got mad at it for presenting the devil so well. They assumed that Milton was pro-devil somehow. This is because people have been bad readers since the beginning of time.

Milton is not pro-devil. He’s fallen into the problem that everyone has with writing God, which is: we have to explain why life, an extremely chaotic dumpster fire, is actually according to Divine Plan by a Big Guy Who Loves You! (Really!), but the more you try to explain the Plan the more you have to explain why God isn’t doing X or Y, until finally you have so many asterisks that essentially your religion is *teleports behind you*

So not only can no one read, no one can admit the real problem: how fucking shitty god and the angels are by comparison, and how they are, by all rights, being written correctly.

See, how ELSE could Milton have written God et al, that’s really the question. He does his best, and he’s very, very good at it. Look, I’ve read a LOT of religious texts over my life—and across the board, God is represented this way. CS Lewis wrote some wildly enjoyable fiction, but every time Jesus or God has to show up without the handy-dandy Aslan mask, everything stutters to a halt.

There are even points in the story where Milton has to tell you why what a devil is suggesting is sinful. For example, here’s the devil Belial giving his suggestions for how to deal with God now that all the devils are in Hell. So far, he has suggested not acting at all: God’s power is not only great in strength, it is great in cunning. He cannot be tricked; he cannot be beaten. So why not just wait it out? Don’t poke the tiger. Maybe the tiger will show mercy someday, if the devils don’t get used to the pain eventually:

“This horror will grow mild, this darkness light, Besides what hope the never-ending flight Of future days may bring, what chance, what change Worth waiting, since our present lot appears For happy though but ill, for ill not worst, If we procure not to ourselves more woe.”

Uniquely among the other devils—Moloch, Mammon, Beelzebub, and Satan all speak in this Book—Belial gets an addendum.

Thus Belial with words cloth’d in reason’s garb Counsel’d ignoble ease, and peaceful sloth, Not peace.

I can just imagine Milton reading it out loud to a friend and then that friend saying, “Hey, that Belial guy has the right idea!” and it’s like the tenth time that Milton has read this to someone only for them to look at him like, “Yeah, why not?” so Milton grumpily flops down at his rustic table with a quill and he’s grumbling about how everyone is a fucking idiot since he most clearly counsel’d IGNOBLE ease, and peaceful SLOTH, not PEACE, fuck thee, Thomas, thou slipshod bastard

In sharp contrast to Belial, Moloch—the first speaker—suggested fighting God until he just erased the devils from existence. Which is, you know, a mood.

It’s like the only way that you can represent god in fiction is as a one-dimensional cardboard cutout. The religious are terrified of judgment even while writing him and every time he shows up he’s boring and constipated. Of course we like the devil better: he’s more likely to give us a fair shake. God would fucking crush you like a beetle in slow-motion, ensuring you felt every pang, and he’d talk about how great he was the entire time he did it, and how he loves you, actually. Oh he loves you so much. There went your liver! Juiced. with love

So well are the devils written—so sensible, so motivated, so grounded—that the final devil to speak comes out of left field. Let me set the stage:

So far we had Moloch—future child-eater—suggest eternal war, with the aim of dissolution; Belial, who’s just like, why not chill and let the future bring what it may; and Mammon, who expands on that with “let’s actively seek ways to enjoy ourselves, altering everything around us until we form a world that meets our needs.” All of these devils focus on the pain of Hell, the loss of “bliss” (which I’m assuming is meant to imply both feeling and place: painlessness and Heaven, specifically), and the disgusting idea of returning to God, who they abhor.

Beelzebub brings up the idea of finding Earth, one tiny little planet that God made with a special creature called Man, and fucking around with it.

I had gotten so into the devils’ speeches—I was very zooted—that I had to do a double-take and then run back to re-read them.

“Bub, baby,” Belial should have said, “what the actual fuck are you talking about.”

Perhaps this is only me, but I couldn’t help but think of the vastness of creation, and the absolutely miniscule goal that the devils chose for themselves. The devils fell for nine whole days and nights, and Earth supposedly lies past dangerous voids and environments past understanding. It’s a big step down: go from fucking with the Creator to the Created, and not just any Created: some dumb human babies.

It’s the first break with the devils’ characters, and it doesn’t make a lot of sense.

to be CONTINUED.....

[ambi-kiko]

MAG 2 Do Not Open:

i always really loved this ep omg. that feeling of making a weird deal, not knowing whats happening, not really. not having control when youre asleep, just about to open the coffin. theres not much i can say without spoilers for future episodes so yk

Spoilers ahead! (s3~s4 if im not mistaken)

OMG THIS IS SUCH A GOOD INTRO TO THE COFFIN! its crazy to think that there are people in the Buried there. and they would drown and lose their progress after each rainstorm. why did they stop scratching though? and who is that avatar? nd struggling to breath when hes sleeping huh? like... being buried?? ((:

ALSO OMGG BREAKON AND HOPE <3 i missed them actually they were really silly and breakons death killed me urghh

also was this a Buried-Lonely colab? tim mentioned that he was the only one living there. huh. either that or just Buried (probably the latter)

SPOILERS DONE (:

bro was so smart for that ice thing. its really not that elaborate but its so clever.

fear becoming routine, huh? i get that all too well. i think thats one of the reasons i loved this one so much. and that he didnt remember his dreams. i just relate to him in general haha

john being surprised at mc being alive is so funny to me like "oh? my little coffin didnt kill you? oki tyy" also why did he scream? hmmm

heres an old shitty design of jon (ive changed it but i dont draw s1 jon much and i dont wanna give spoilers that way soo)

lookin rough, buddy

[inmyloveworld]

sweet nothing (jj maybank)

pairing: jj maybank x afab!routledge!reader

word count: ~0.6k

warnings: reader is going through a tough time, allusions to ptsd

a/n: slightly inspired by sweet nothing by taylor swift but mostly a self-indulgent piece bc i've been going through it lately and i just want someone to hold me. this hasn't been proofread so my apologies in advance

-

She's been in bed all day, dude

The text from his best friend made JJ's heart ache. You had been different ever since returning from South America.

True, the Pogues had all changed quite a lot since their regular summers of surfing and cheap booze were usurped by treasure hunting. And true, you had just found and lost your illusive father in the span of a week. But where the other Pogues had planted both feet in the future, you were stuck somewhere else. Where, exactly, no one knew.

And now, here JJ stood outside your door, intending to find out. He lifted a hand to knock softly. "(Y/N/N)? Sweets, you in there?" There was no answer.

You were laid in your new bed, the bedding too soft and the mattress too firm. The wall opposite the door had become your sole focal point for the past hour. Either you were deeply studying the pale shade of paint, or trying to look past it to find some latent desire.

It wasn't until you felt a hand on your shoulder that you budged from your staring contest. You turned your head to find your boyfriend now sitting behind you. He gave you a soft smile, looking almost puppy-like in his pursuits. The smile couldn't be returned.

"What are you doing here?" you asked. JJ sighed in response. He kept his hand against your shoulder, rubbing the skin there in delicate patterns.

"John B said you haven't shown any signs of life today. Didn't wanna bother Shoupe for a call, so he sent me in to investigate." His attempt at a joke almost had you crack. Almost. But the fortress in your mind held strong.

You didn't want to be passive to him. JJ was your partner in crime, figurative as much as it had been made literal. He was the boy who protected you alongside your big brother your whole life. He held your heart, as you held his.

Life had sucked you in and spat you out in so many different directions, all before you knew how to make sense of any of it. And now.. you didn't know what to feel. You didn't know what to do.

"Talk to me," JJ cooed as he saw your eyes start to water. His hand was warm against your cheek, his thumb stretching to catch the first fallen tear and the ones that followed soon after. Big blue eyes scanned yours desperately for answers that you didn't have.

And so you told him, "I don't know." JJ blinked as he tried to make sense of just three words. But he didn't give an answer; he knew that wasn't what you were looking for.

Instead, JJ gathered you up in his arms, pulling you both beneath the too-soft comforter atop the too-firm mattress. He nuzzled his face against your neck, pressing gentle kisses there.

"It's okay," JJ hummed beside your ear. "Whatever it is, it's gonna work itself out. And I'm gonna be right by your side like I always have, okay? You and me through it all, sweet girl."

More tears fell at his sweet nothings-

No, you hated that they were called that.

His words were anything but nothing to you. Though you felt lost in a world so shaken from what it once was, though you felt too weak to face any of the harsh realities you had endured, you wanted nothing more than to run to the sweet words of your love for solace.

And JJ knew that.

[applestorms]

"quick" reflection on intelligence in homestuck:

i've been thinking about this a lot lately, especially in conjunction with my john post, so i just wanted to make a little reflection about it.

this is going to be relevant to a greater wip post on dirk strider & plato more generally, but i'm going to phrase all of this within the terms of the allegory of the cave (and more generally the metaphysics plato talks about in books v-vii of the republic) for clarity.

SO, if you somehow you missed out, here is the basics of the allegory of the cave: within the metaphor, a bunch of people are chained to the ground with their backs to the entrance of this cave, unable to look anywhere other than directly in front of them. behind their backs is a fire, and between that fire and the people there is a line of puppet masters holding up puppets reflecting real life objects that are then projected onto the walls of the cave for the chained people to see.

at some point, for some reason, a person (namely, a philosopher) will be dragged out from their chains, kicking and screaming, to the mouth of the cave and tossed into the real world. there they will be met by a number of new objects to perceive, all vastly different from the shadows on the walls that they had previously been seeing. instead of the shadow of a horse, they'll see a whole ass real horse, out in the daylight and everything, though first they might have to come to terms with seeing a reflection of that horse in water. essentially their perception of the world will blow their fuckin mind but by the end of it they'll totally love this new world of light and real actual objects and never want to leave it.

at some point though, they'll be obligated to come back and join the others in the cave once again. coming back down they might struggle to word exactly what it is that they saw outside of the cave, or may be laughed off by the people who have only ever seen shadows and only ever understand shadows, but because they have that knowledge, it is now their duty to lead the others, at least for a little while, before they can go back into that bright, sunny world again.

there are a ton of ways that this story can be relevant in homestuck, and i do wanna get into that at some point in the future (e.g. the puppets, light as knowledge w/ rose, plato's elitism especially w/ regards to the philosopher ruler, etc.) but for now to focus on intelligence:

there are two types of intelligence in homestuck, which can in the terms of plato's cave allegory be categorized as knowledge of the Forms (or the "true" intelligence that you gain by leaving the cave) and knowledge of the Mimics/Imitations (or the intelligence you gain by watching the shadows on the wall). note that plato gets hells of into talk about imitations around ehh books ii-iii i believe but also especially in book x right at the very end, mostly in his criticisms of the works of hesiod/homer (also yes this is related to the mimesis shit from detective pony).

in homestuck terms, these categories can be described as knowledge of the world and knowledge of the World, or actual knowledge of how real life things work vs. knowledge about the meta structure of homestuck as a comic and how the fictional world functions (the game rules, you could say). interestingly, meta knowledge about the world of the comic as a story seems to be privileged here, which perhaps makes sense since it feels more significant for a fictional character to be aware of details about their own story. to give an example that might help: this is knowledge about computers (understanding the shadows) vs. knowing that the laws of the world they live in are based around computers (understanding the Forms, or the origin of reality).

what this means is that characters designated as intelligent in homestuck can also be split along the same lines according to which kind of knowledge they have, which of course can change over time as well. take jade, for example: she is just generally quite smart in that she understands a lot of physics and quantum mechanics science-y shit, but also by the fact that she has access to some greater Knowledge at the start of her arc through the visions she gets from prospit. dirk is intelligent in the shadow-knowledge sense because he understands the history of humanity leading up to its eventual death at the hands of HIC, but seems to struggle a lot more to access that greater Knowledge, which i think is actually shown a lot more in the post-canon stuff w/ all of the ultimate self shit. jake on the other hand might be lacking intelligence in terms of shadow-knowledge (maybe, it's kinda hard to tell, actually- i would say this is true just because he doesn't seem to care all that much about studying in the same way dirk does) but he at least subconsciously is frighteningly aware of how the World works, as seen here (A6A3:4928):

JAKE: The demon you say im supposed to defeat? ARANEA: Yes. JAKE: Hang on. JAKE: Would that be the same demon im named after? ARANEA: Who told you that? JAKE: Uh... JAKE: I guess technically my own brain did? ARANEA: That's interesting. ARANEA: I wasn't planning on mentioning that. Or at least not just yet.

the most straightforward example here though is rose, who through her status as a seer of light just so so so perfectly fits into having knowledge of the Forms. the association in the original text of the republic of light and Forms knowledge fits this perfectly too.

one caveat to this view of intelligence is that it doesn't necessarily account for emotional intelligence, which i would actually put in a fully separate category that karkat obviously fuckin rules over (and roxy, to some degree). what's important though is that this structure separates out the intelligence of Omniscient/semi-omniscient beings (doc scratch, hal, kinda calliope but ehh i'll get to that) from normal super-smart kid intelligence, which is key when trying to analyze what characters are actually aware of, and from that, what we can actually trust when it comes to analyzing homestuck's lore. we really can't forget here that homestuck is a story told almost entirely through dialogue and conversations meaning that pretty much all lore comes through potentially biased narrators, something that is especially true for the alpha kids but really applies to pretty much everyone. sometimes the story will hint at knowledge that we can trust as fact straight up, i.e. rose explaining how dead/void sessions work in A6I2, but this is definitely not always the case and personally i think it helps a lot w/ analysis to be able to be explicitly aware of this, especially since imo a lot of misconceptions about the alpha kids stems from this kind of thing

anyways, some interesting cases that come out of this view:

calliope: calliope technically has knowledge of the Forms through how she is basically just a reader of homestuck, but because of that very same perspective she's also not a fully trustworthy narrator since 1. her version of the story is explicitly heavily redacted, and 2. she's in the same position as the audience in trying to piece everything together, meaning that all of her "lore" is really just theories that she's put together herself

terezi: i'm not sure what to make of mind as an aspect, especially in conjunction to light. i'm actually inclined to say this is, like, knowledge of shadows Plus since a lot of what we see w/ terezi is basically just knowledge of every possible timeline? maybe it would be better to put knowledge of aspects into a subcategory of knowledge of Forms, since aspects are kinda like laws of the fictional universe. the fact that mind is specifically put as complementary to heart (and therefore souls/identity) is also a really interesting idea and i wanna explore that more, it's such a weird aspect especially when you have light and all of its connotations right there. (the knowledge of aspects as subcategory might also help in making sense of sollux's mage of doom shit, and also the fact that john is like pure intuition, very fitting of the heir of breath)

gamzee: gamzee's whole breakdown is basically just him gaining knowledge of the Forms and getting pissed about it (getting dragged out of the cave and not being happy with the world he sees and/or the implications that has for the shadows he had relied on for his religion previously) but i almost feel like there should be more to this since clowns are so fucking weird in general w/ all of the meta shit. it almost feels wrong to call gamzee a character after his icp-induced mind break, he loses his personality so strongly to the point of just becoming a fuckin plot device.

in conclusion: i need to talk more about dirk strider. LATER later

[gomzwrites]

✧✿✧˖° Chocolate °˖✧✿✧

Hello heLLOO! *waves excitedly over a round table* come come I have tea and dessert for everyone *pulls out a few chairs*

Alright, so. Some of my thoughts first regarding the Academic AU

I wrote this fic longer than intended because I was going heavy with the details and plot

Though I am wondering if this kind of smut is welcome here, because I've let a few of my friends to read it and gotten mix responses, some said it was lengthy while some said they liked it

Personally, I was trying to walk readers through the entire process, and since its the first encounter/$ex scene, I wanted to show the small details to indicate some stuff

Initially I was going to write like virgin reader for the innocent sake. but that will make my fic longer WHEEZE-

I ended up hinting the "innocent" part with the floral pattern on the brief, well I say hint but idk if that was obvious lmfao anyways-

not to say I dont like longer fics, but the longer I write, the more mistakes im gonna encounter (if you can't tell already, i struggle a lot with grammar lol)

In the end after much consideration, ive cut down heavily on the smut and condensed to what we have now and Im okay with it, tho I would like to hear your thoughts (send me anonymously if you're shy, or just comment, I dont bite I promise :D)

Okay, *pours everyone a cup of tea*, some headcannons and notes

So, as you all can tell, there was a hint of mlm there of Price x Simon, not sure how everyone think about it but I for one eat that shit up

Now, I did gave some thoughts about the subjects Price and Simon teach, in the end though I decided to leave it blank because I couldn't be sure

See im from Asia so the education system here is extremely different from the UK/US, and I got kinda confused and overwhelmed with the choices XD so I just left it blank

I was going to write them with STEM majors, but eeerrr Idk, cant really picture Price or Simon as engineer or medicine lecturers(iykyk)(rise up my STEM sisters and brothers-)

Perhaps you can give me some thoughts about it, I was thinking something about History for Price, then something about Linguistic/Statistic/Psychology for Simon

Okay, Gaz also made an appearance on the fic((of course he did, my precious bb)), now for him I have a solid idea to make him Pharmacology based or at least somewhere along the healthcare sector, hence the Dr

I might, also bring Soap in the future, but I dont know how or what his role will be yet (gym tutor? physical therapist?)

Will I make this into a poly thing? Im not sure, probably not XD but I might do a special moment with Gaz bcuz im that bias

oh yeah, forgot add on, but yes there's a reason for the name changes(Mr Riley to Simon) and name that stayed (Prof Price), its just to further show that Price has the power and all the sayings (you know cuz he is the Captain originally so I wanted to bring that over)

You wanna call him John? mmmm that's gonna take some convincing and time >:)

Lastly, some future plans (no promises) - nsfw here

many h0rny, many ideas, many tired

anyways, Im thinking of xreader individually fic(like Price x you then Simon x you separately), then eventually building it up to both of them destroying you in threesome manner (lovingly)

I want. I want to write Price being mEAN YALL-

Like him bullying you and putting a vibrat0r inside you and force you to come out to write something on the board in front of everyone, dialing up the intensity as you try your hardest not to cum right there

or or or or or

thinking about c0ckwarming under his desk- raaasdajdgajdh

then Simon...oh sweet sweet Simon

Im thinking maybe dom!reader, just a maybe.

Riding him until he's a whimpering sobbing mess

Idk if anyone remembered, but u know this part?

:)

yeah, maaaaaybe Simon has that exhibitionism kink

so lets abuse that shall we

thinking of doing it in the car park/in his car, you giving him head under the steering wheel as he pulls down the car window slightly to talk to a student who just wanted to chat

Poor him trying to be calm and steady his tone as his knuckles turned white, hands clammy as you suck harder, not giving a damn if you're going to draw attention

or or or or or or or

going back to the riding part, tying him up with his tie, not letting him touch you as you ride that dick like your life depends on it, you hear him begging and whimpering, bucking his hips up desperately

im very unwell

ANYWAYS, ye so far, these are the only ideas I have atm, but don't expect me to write it so soon haha

If im gonna be honest, this blog was created when I had a massive art block, and then somehow (even until today!!) my soft fics blew up and ye it escalated from there

not really but also- If you see me write a fic, its usually bcuz im struggling with art, likewise if you followed me on @gomzdraws or twitter, you would notice im more active cause I think for me, drawing is easier than writing

im grateful to be able to express in two mediums tho, even tho I suck at it haha

but I do sincerely want to make this into a series, so I thank everyone for being patience with me, I appreciate it

Ogeh, *brings out a briefcase* recommendation time

if you like Prof AUs, then boi do I have some fics for you here in tumblr

Guyfierii has a long Prof series and they're wonderful

mehh141's amAZING PROF PRICE ART IM CRYING-

Shroomie (one of the first few blog I was exposed to when I started reading cod fics :D) made 2 Prof fics as well - sadly I dont think they're active since April because of uni :(

ajhdkadh sleepyconfusedpotato, the god of both being a great artist and oc!fic writer made a post a while ago about tf141 possible Professor headcannons - give it a look if ya interested

that is all from me, and btw don't feel obligated to comment or send me a text or anything!! The fact that you made it till the end is already making me happy :D thanks for reading my babbling and points LMAO

Have a nice day/night friends :)

[sl-newsie]

Cool Your Jets- Ch. 6: Under Arrest (Riff x newcomer)

At the police station I find the odda Jets have been brought in for questioning. Everyone except Riff. The cop has me sit down on a bench next to some odda goils. On of ‘em (I think it’s Anybodys) and the odda Jets get into an argument, but I’s too dazed to listen. All I can think about is how noivous I am ‘bout being questioned, how scared I am for Riff, and how anxious I am for Tony and Maria. God, my whole world’s turned upside down in one day!

Soon Anybodys escapes the officers and leads a chase outta the room, leaving only me, the lady next to me, and the Jet boys. Baby John must also share my uneasy nerves ‘cause he keeps pacing back and forth.

“He ain’t ever been arrested before?” I hear the lady ask.

“He ain’t ever been noth’n before.”

She looks at me. “What about her?”

“Hey Marylin, ever been arrested?” Mouthpiece asks from the bench across from me.

My eyes widen. “Arrest? As in… locked up?”

“Technically you wait for a trial but yeah, locked up.”

“N-No I haven’t. But- But I can’t stay here! I thought I was just being questioned! I don’t wanna be arrested-!”

“Too late!” Action calls from across the room.

Panicking, I run over and try to bust open the locked door.

“No no no! Let me out! I don’t belong here!” I cry against the window.

“Better believe it, toots. You’s here same as the rest of us,” Diesel remarks.

“B- But I’m good… I’m a good person! I’m… I’m not in a gang!”

“Still. You associate with us, you become one of us.”

All because I wanted to make friends!?

I punch the glass and cut my wrist, causing Mouthpiece to gasp.

“Marilyn! Ya shouldn't hurt yourself! What would Riff say?” He comes over and starts wrapping my hand, only I yank it away.

“I don’t give a damn about what Riff thinks! I don’t give a damn ‘bout what any-a you’s think! All I wanted was to have a halfway-decent fresh start, but I guess I don’t even deserve that- let alone to have my parents back!” I slope against the door.

“Let me go

Far away

Somewhere they won't ever find me, and tomorrow won't remind me of today

And the city's finally sleepin'

And the moon looks old and gray

I get on a train that's bound for Santa Fe…

And I'm gone,

And I'm done!

No more running. No more lying.

No more fat old man denying me my pay.

Just a moon so big and yellow, it turns night right into day!

Dreams come true. Yeah they do. In Santa Fe.”

Mouthpiece puts a hand on my shoulder. “Aw, c’mon Marilyn. You’re get’n yourself all worked up. Be’n a Jet ain’t so bad-”

I push away and shake my head. “I never wanted to be a Jet! I wanted friends, friends who could be there for me when I needed them and not bring more trouble into my life!”

“But ya gotta admit… the Jets have always had your back.”

“I’ve known you for a day, and I’ve already been arrested! Now I just godda get oudda here before I’m imprisoned!

Where does it say you gotta live and die here?

Where does it say a goil can't catch a break?

Why should you only take what you're given?

Why should you spend your whole life living trapped where there ain't no future,

Even at 17!?

Breaking your back for someone else's sake!

If the life don't seem to suit you, how about a change of scene?

Far from the lousy headlines, and the deadlines in between.

Santa Fe, my old friend,

I can't spend my whole life dreaming.

Though I know that's all I seem inclined to do.

I ain't getting any younger,

And I wanna start brand new!

I need space. And fresh air!

Let 'em laugh in my face. I don't care!

Save my place, I'll be there.”

I wipe the tears from my eyes, and give a desperate sigh.

“Just be real is all I'm asking,

Not some painting in my head.

Cause I'm dead if I can't count on you today.

I got nothing if I ain't got Santa Fe!”

The guys are all stare’n at me, but I don’t care. All I want is my life back.

“C’mon, cheer up! You’re a mess, we’re a mess, we’re all in one big mess!” Mouthpiece trots up with Krupke’s hat on. “Look at you’s, you feckless frigg’n disappointments. Now gimme one good reason I shouldn’t throw the book atchya!”

He looks at me with a serious frown, and I can’t help but give a small smile. Now the boys get the hint.

Diesel looks around, then sings:

“Dear… kindly Sergeant Krupke,

You gotta understand.

It's just our bringin' upke

That gets us outta hand.”

“Our mothers all are junkies.” Big Deal adds.

“Our fathers all are drunks!” A-Rab pretends to drink from a bottle.

“Golly Moses, naturally we're punks.” Diesel shrugs at Mouthpiece. Then he pulls me up and leads me to stand with the odda Jets.

“Gee, Officer Krupke, we're very upset:

We never had the love that every child oughta get.

We ain't no delinquents,

We're misunderstood.

Deep down inside us… there is good.

There is good!”

A-Rab joins in:

“There is good, there is good.

There is untapped good.

Like inside, the worst of us is good!”

Mouthpiece snickers. “Aw, that's a touchin' good story!”

Diesel spreads his arms. “Lemme tell it to the woild!”

Mouthpiece shoves him towards Diesel. “Just tell it to the judge!”

Diesel gets pushed in front of Balkan, who stands on top-a the desk pretend’n to be a judge.

“Dear kindly Judge, your honor

My parents treat me rough.

With all their marijuana

They won't give me a puff.

They didn't wanna have me,

But somehow I was had!

Leapin' lizards!

That's why I'm so bad!”

Balkan bangs a hammer and looks over at Mouthpiece.

“Right!

Officer Krupke, you're really a square

This boy don't need a judge, he needs an analyst's care

It's just his neurosis that oughta be curbed

He's psychologically disturbed.”

Diesel shouts: “I'm disturbed!”

The odda Jets join in:

“We're disturbed, we're disturbed,

We're the most disturbed!

Like we're psychologically disturbed!”

They start whooping and hollering, with Mouthpiece pull’n me all around the room. When Balkan bangs the hammer again we all look up.

“Hear ye hear ye! In the opinion of this court, the boy’s depraved on account of he ain’t had a normal home.”

Diesel looks around. “Hey, I’m depraved on account of I’m deprived!”

“So take this nut to a headshrinker.”

Mouthpiece shrugs. “Ooh, why not?”

“Wait no no-!” Diesel gets shoved up against a lean’n table, a makeshift therapist chair, while A-Rab stands over him.

“My father is a bastard,

My ma's an S.O.B,

My grandpa's always plastered,

My grandma pushes tea.

My sister wears a mustache,

My brother wears a dress,

Goodness gracious!

That's why I'm a mess!” His eyes widen.

A-Rab points a finger at him and looks at Mouthpiece.

“Yes!

Officer Krupke, you're really a slob.

This boy don't need a doctor, just a good honest job.

Society's played him a terrible trick,

And sociologically he's sick.

Diesel shouts again: “I am sick!”

Now everyone sings, and I decide to join in with a smile on my face.

“We are sick, we are sick!

We are sick, sick, sick!

Like we're sociologically sick!”

A-Rab paces back and forth in front-a Diesel.

“In my professional opinion, what we got here is a run-of-the-mill juvenile delinquent!” He gives Diesel a slap. “And juvenile delinquency-!” Slap!  “-is a social disease!”

Balkan gives a disgusted grunt as we crowd around. “Ew, Diesel, you got a social disease?

A-Rab nods. “Bring him to a social worker.”

As Diesel walks off, Mouthpiece calls: “Wait, can I catch it by touchin' him?”

Diesel walks up to Big Deal, but then Baby John pushes up front.

“Dear—”

“Kindly social worker,

They say go earn a buck.

Like be a soda jerker,

Which means like be a schmuck!

It's not I'm antisocial,

I'm only anti-work!

Gloryosky!”

We all sing: “That's why I'm a jerk!”

Big Deal scoffs, pretend’n to be a lady social worker.

“Officer Krupke, you've done it again!

This boy don't need a job, he needs a year in the pen!

It ain't just a question of misunderstood,

Deep down inside him, he's no good!”

Baby John shrugs. “I'm no good!”

We all chant:

“We're no good, we're no good

We're no earthly good

Like the best of us is no damn good!”

By now we’s all scattering papers, kick’n over chairs, and push’n Diesel left and right.

Mouthpiece smirks. “The trouble is he's crazy!”

“The trouble is he drinks.”

“The trouble is he's lazy!”

“The trouble is he stinks.”

“The trouble is he's growing!”

“The trouble is he's grown.”

We all sing:

Krupke, we got troubles of our own!

Gee, Officer Krupke

We're down on our knees

Diesel shrugs. “'Cause no one wants a fella with a social disease!

“Gee, Officer Krupke

What are we to do?

Gee, Officer Krupke-”

Just then the door opens, revealing Krupke himself.

“Krup you!”

The officer just stands there look’n around at the mess we’ve made as the Jets start to trickle outta the office. I follow Mouthpiece, who quickly turns back to hand Krupke his hat.

“This is for you.” He then grabs my arm and leads me out. “So, ya feel bedda now?”

I try to hide my smile and give a surrendering nod. “Yeah.”

Mouth grins. “Good, ‘cause I don’t want Riff see’n you’s so upset! Now c’mon, he’s wait’n for us.”

I give him a pointed look. “I don’t got anything to say to Riff. He knows where I stand, and I can’t change his mind.”

Mouthpiece considers this. “True, but have ya thought ‘bout what peace of mind you could give him before the rumble? Even just a quick ‘good luck’ would help him out a lot. I know it. He really does care for ya, Marilyn.”

I really wanna believe him, but I shake my head. “If he cares, he wouldn’t be do’n this stupid rumble. He’s fighting one-a my friends’ boyfriends, and I feel like i’m the one caught in the middle-a this mess. One way or anodda, somebody’s going down and i’m gonna get dragged down with ‘em. If Riff wins, Anita won’t ever speak to me again. If Bernardo wins, I-” I play with my hands and avoid Mouthpiece’s heavy gaze.

“You what, girly? You care for him too, dontcha?”

I bite my lip. “Yes! I do care! If Bernardo wins and Riff dies I- I don’t know how I would take it! He’s supposed to be a wicked, racist bastard, but something inside him is… scared. Call me a lunatic, but I’ve grown to luv a complete stranger in one day! How does that even happen, Mouth?!” I turn away to hide my shuttered crying.

Mouthpiece don’t say anything and instead wraps his arms around me in a soft hug.

“You’s been through a lot in the past month, so it’s all ok to be feeling all this. You just gotta trust that things’ll get bedda, Marilyn.”

I chuckle dryly.

“That's life.

That's what people say.

You're riding high in April,

Shot down in May.

But I know I'm gonna change that tune,

When I'm back on top, back on top in June!”

I start marching towards my apartment, still followed by Mouthpiece.

“I said, that's life.

And as funny as it may seem,

Some people get their kicks

Stompin' on a dream.

But I don't let it, let it get me down

'Cause this fine old world it keeps spinnin' around

I've been a puppet, a pauper, a pirate

A poet, a pawn and a king

I've been up and down and over and out

And I know one thing

Each time I find myself flat on my face

I pick myself up and get back in the race

That's life! I tell ya, I can't deny it!

I thought of quitting, baby

But my heart just ain't gonna buy it!

And if I didn't think it was worth one single try,

I'd jump right on a big bird and then I'd fly!”

When we reach my apartment building, all the Puerto Ricans are giving Mouthpiece odd looks, But when they see he’s with me then they leave us alone.

Before we start up the stairs, Anita rushes down.

“Marilyn! There you are!” She seethes. “You tell those- those- those fiends that they are not welcomed here!”

I frown. “Who? What happened?”

Anita scowls and points up at my apartment window. “Your boyfriend and his gang are in your apartment, so please kindly tell them to vamos!”

With that she storms off towards the market, leaving Mouthpiece and I exchanging panicked looks.

“Riff’s holding a Jet meeting in my apartment, in a Puerto Rican neighborhood?!”

This can’t be good.

[i-am-thornqueen]

Yes hello sorry to bother but i am going FERAL in the middle of my workday because i got an email for the latest chapter update and i CANNOT ESCAPE WORK to go CURL up in my BED and read/suffer through whatever you have in store and i just think that is so unfair of life but it also reminded me of another feral ask i sent some time ago that maybe tumblr ate that basically boiled down to me losing it at the thought of baby post-humans and wondering if that was a possibility in the lore of your AU. Cause like THE IMAGE of a baby werecats kneading or a baby werewolfs howling or chasing their tails or eachother just lived in my soul for months i had to know. Anyway if thats just something you dont wanna answer please ignore this ask! Have a wonderful day! Im so excited to read the new chapter tonight!!!!

This the opposite of a bother, @tenshiyuna! It's been months to possibly a year since anyone dropped anything into my inbox, so imagine my delight when I saw your message. ^_^ Though, from the sounds of things on your end, I may have to apologize for leaving you to go feral at work. At the very least, please don't bite anyone!

As for that ask you mentioned, I actually think I do remember it - you're one of the few who ever send asks regarding the larger lore of the AWIL/TMOP world, so I remember being excited to answer a question.

With regard to the possibility of baby post-humans in the AU, that would be a rare thing, especially in the werebeast community. In all technicalities, being a werebeast is a non-hereditary "curse" (a curse in truth centuries ago, but the context has changes in modern times), so a person can be a werebeast but not pass it on to offspring. No baby were-kittens or were-puppies, I'm afraid. ^_^; John and Adrien are outliers in the community, both of them being so young when they were changed; most people transition in their twenties and thirties. If either Adrien or John had children in the future, the kids would be human or other depending on what the mother was. If anyone wanted a baby werebeast, the baby would have to be bitten and cursed, just like an adult, and then the adult would probably go to jail for biting a baby and changing its species. -_-

I hope that is able to quench your thirst for knowledge, even if I don't believe that is the answer you were hoping for. ^_^; Perhaps the new chapter will offer you more? So long as you stay sane until the end of your shift. Good luck!

[corens-relisten]

MAG 2 Do Not Open:

i always really loved this ep omg. that feeling of making a weird deal, not knowing whats happening, not really. not having control when youre asleep, just about to open the coffin. theres not much i can say without spoilers for future episodes so yk

Spoilers ahead! (s3~s4 if im not mistaken)

OMG THIS IS SUCH A GOOD INTRO TO THE COFFIN! its crazy to think that there are people in the Buried there. and they would drown and lose their progress after each rainstorm. why did they stop scratching though? and who is that avatar? nd struggling to breath when hes sleeping huh? like... being buried?? ((:

ALSO OMGG BREAKON AND HOPE <3 i missed them actually they were really silly and breakons death killed me urghh

also was this a Buried-Lonely colab? tim mentioned that he was the only one living there. huh. either that or just Buried (probably the latter)

SPOILERS DONE (:

bro was so smart for that ice thing. its really not that elaborate but its so clever.

fear becoming routine, huh? i get that all too well. i think thats one of the reasons i loved this one so much. and that he didnt remember his dreams. i just relate to him in general haha

john being surprised at mc being alive is so funny to me like "oh? my little coffin didnt kill you? oki tyy" also why did he scream? hmmm

heres an old shitty design of jon (ive changed it but i dont draw s1 jon much and i dont wanna give spoilers that way soo)

lookin rough, buddy

[fandomfluffandfuck]

i know imagining animatics/fanvids set to songs is a time-tested fandom tradition, and i vaguely remember that you talked about having playlists dedicated to characters, so i wanted to ask: do you have any songs in particular that inspires you to translate it into a different medium? (not necessarily for fic purposes)

like for example i recently listened to gravity by john mayer (the lyrics is so stucky-coded, which you know, ouch) and i'm vividly imagining making a stopmotion thing with paperdolls that have movable joints flat on the table, a snowy sky as the background, the bucky doll falling in slow motion (as the background streaks red) while we see the form of a chair slowly becoming visible at the bottom of the screen... and then it switches to a parallel scene where the steve doll's falling with the pieces of the triskelion floating in midair. then as he crashes into the river we see the bottom of it is the waterlogged version of the room he wakes up in the future, and as he lands on the bed it freezes him ❄ the frost spreads and spreads, until it reaches the other doll being held in its own cold prison, serving as a tomb where he slumbers ❄

...wish i knew how to outline things properly and break tasks down into manageable chunks lol, but it is very fun to think about making art! (but actually following thru ambitious projects is 😭)

I think you'll enjoy this post

Also, this post

I 👏🏻 LOVE 👏🏻 THIS 👏🏻 QUESTION 👏🏻

As far as imagining fics based on songs, you can very much see that I do that to some degree with the amount of fics I have that use song lyrics as titles, lol. But when that happens, it's not so much about hearing a song and then coming up with a fic concept based on the song, usually, I have the fic written, then a song comes on shuffle and I go Oh! Oh, This Is The Exact Vibe! This Song Has To Be The Title Now!

Your idea for the John Mayer song sounds beautiful and haunting, by the way! It perfectly fits that song! It would be truly, truly breathtaking. Just the idea in my imagination is breathtaking.

I have a vivid imagination, so usually when songs remind me of stucky and inspire me, I imagine fan edit type videos in my head. I don't know how to edit, though, and I have too many things going on to teach myself right now, so... they'll stay in my mind.

This got longer than I intended, lol

"What Was I Made For?" by Billie Eilish

I used to float, now I just fall down

I used to know but I'm not sure now

What I was made for

What was I made for?

Takin' a drive, I was an ideal

Looked so alive, turns out I'm not real

Just something you paid for

What was I made for?

'Cause I, I

I don't know how to feel

But I wanna try

I don't know how to feel

But someday, I might

Someday, I might

When did it end? All the enjoyment

I'm sad again, don't tell my boyfriend

It's not what he's made for

What was I made for?

That song vividly, vividly shows me Steve--Steve before he encounters the Winter Soldier and really begins to make a life for himself in the 21st century. Aimlessly wandering around Brookyln. Staring out into space. Frowning. Wringing his hands. Trying to figure out how he feels and who he is now that he's woken again to a new world. There isn't a war. There aren't any people he knows. What does he do? Who is he?

I mean...

"In Over My Head" by Grandson

When I was nine, I'd make believe

The good guy always caught the thief

The room went dark and I couldn't sleep

I was in over my head

At 15, I would look around

And all my friends had it figured out

They all thought it, but they never said out loud

I was in over my head

Oh, I feel this vertigo

Sick of being an optimist

I'm trying, I'm trying

But I'm in over my head

I'm in over my head

...

I thought I'd make change happen overnight

I was 20, thought I had a good hold on life

Didn't know it at the time, I was not alright

I was in over my head

Now I'm pretty sure at 26

That it isn't gonna be some little fix

The game wasn't rigged by accident

I'm in over my head

This is another Steve song. I hear this song and I see an edit showing us Steve from the playground, squaring up with bullies twice his size, Steve as a teenager, getting in trouble with Sarah, giving her gray hairs, Steve as a young adult, getting in fights in alleys, enlisting illegally, Steve in the military, standing up to his superiors, then Steve post-serum, post-war, entangled in his Captain America suit--watching the news after a mission, wading through the scene of a protest, frowning at his phone, opened to angry discussions on social media... he doesn't know what to do. He feels paralyzed.

(Also, "Left Behind" by Grandson also gives me MAJOR Steve vibes. He's stubborn. He cares so deeply about topics. All of that. I see Steve getting angry in that song, I see Steve crying with that song. <3)

"Black Vultures" by Halestorm

Black vultures circling the sky

Feels like the end of the world

But it's only the beginning of it all

Forget the things that you've heard

Been a survivor since I began to crawl

I'm falling down but I'm not out

The devils at my door

I don't give in, I don't give up

I won't ever let it break me

I'm on fire, I'm a fighter

I'll forever be the last one standing

Black vultures circling the sky

Pick at the pieces

Scavengers wait for me to die

But I'm not defeated

I'm on the edge of the war

I'm holding on and hanging by a thread

I am the eye of the storm

And you haven't seen the last of me just yet

This feeds my brain the idea of Bucky lying on his back on the ground, in the middle of fucking nowhere, a meadow that's muted and dulled. The sky is overcast. There are vultures and ravens flying overhead, circling, but also perched in trees at the outside of the meadow. He's exhausted. Worn thing. Greasy. Gritty. Bloody. He gets up, turning over to crawl, and eventually finds the strength to walk. To stagger. It cuts to black. And then there's a montage of destruction in the most beautiful way as he tears through HYDRA bases. Ending them.

"Devil In Me" by Halsey

I don't wanna wake it up

I don't wanna wake it up

I don't wanna wake it up

The devil in me

Gotta wake up, gotta wake up

Gotta wake up, gotta wake up

Gotta wake up, come back to life

This is simple. At least, it feels that way to me, lol. It's purely Bucky. I see Bucky screaming, sweating, hair amess, after having a bad night, coming too close to horrifying memories through dreams, and trashing their [Steve's and his] bedroom. Thrusting the nightstand onto its side. Cracking the lamp. Ripping the sheets. Needing to do something. Squeezing his fists.

Finally, finally sinking down in the corner of the room to sob. Hands to his head, trembling. He sits there for who knows how long before Steve comes in and holds him. He tells him it's okay again and again and again. It is. They can replace everything. Sometimes you just need to get it out.

"Guilty (For Your Love)" by YONKA

You tripped on love, you got cut, you were bleeding

I carried you through the night, an emergency

I want to inhale your disease

I would do anything for you, I am guilty

I get goosebumps when you're near me

You're just like the movies

I am guilty for your love

...

I had monsters in my bedroom 'til you came along

You scared them off and kissed my head

Told me that they've all gone

You taught me how to stand up to my demons, that's real love

You been messed around so much, you forgot how to trust

Had the wool pulled over your eyes, but I ripped it off

I'm the pill you needed when you thought that you were all done

This is one million percent stucky in my head. I see so much with this song. I see them in war times, I see Steve getting up in a commanding officers face, throwing his own queerness in their face when the officer comes to deliver Bucky his blue slip. Yelling. Eyes lit with a challenge. They won't discharge Captain America. They couldn't. I see Bucky throwing himself in front of Steve. Blocking him from fire, from bullets, from danger and absolute death with his body. I see Steve taking the stand in Bucky's defense against the United Nations Court. They will only convict Bucky if it's over his dead body. I see Steve and Bucky lying in bed, sheets tangled, Steve's fingers tracing Bucky's jaw, his sharp cheekbones... yeah.

"Are You Really Okay?" by Sleep Token

Are you really okay?

You woke me up one night

Dripping crimson on the carpet

I saw it in your eyes

Cutting deeper than the scars could run

And don't you know

I can see it in you even now

And don't you know

I want to help you but I don't know how

And are you really okay? Yeah, yeah

Are you really okay?

And I, I cannot fix your wounds this time

But I, I don't believe you when you tell me you are fine

Please don't hurt yourself again

Just please don't hurt yourself again, oh

This song, depending on the mood I'm in when it comes on, flips back and forth between coming from Bucky's point of view, about Steve, or Steve's point of view about Bucky.

It's mostly the same either way, I see Bucky or Steve filling the role of the narrator in the song--waking up to see their partner bleeding, shaking, incoherent, and hurting. They're dazed. So hurt that they have a thousand yard stare and can't totally focus. The rest of the night is spent on the balcony of their apartment. Smoking a cigarette despite supposedly having quit, sharing it between them silently. When they slide back into bed at dawn, they're wrapped up so entirely in each other.

I hope you enjoyed my rambles, lol

[theorist-influencer-untitled]

3.14.25 Friday-- Still doing the prayer vow for nana and sir Paez.

7:02 am

Still,have windblow...

Still the same I'm not happy no one in the family could help me angels to have a new phone or to do something... You know that I'm not lazy something is going wrong here in this village or in the entire Cavite, even my old fakers friends or friends that I met they are all not matured as my friend. I'm still having the windblow...

On my laptop but of course, I need to have a phone and I'm so broke and I can't fix my old phone and I can't find a new phone. What am I gonna do? I need angels to read and help me...

I worked from the past months then again, there were people who are always interfering in my life...

This Uncle Jun is a bit weird as well... Changing his behaviour that he can't do anything though leading the society here on something and lifting people but me? He always wanted me a supporter, my bad dog??? I can't even understand what's his leadership about? Why he van't have the money here for us coz I don't have a job these days...

I will try to pawn my health bracelet though I don't wanna do it coz it has a sentimental value to me, it was given by my Aunt Teresa or adoptive mother that Uncle DD is trying to remove on me, he got some other bad plans from the past as well??? I can't understand him as well...

I'm not a kid anymore but life sometimes is rough like these days, I can't get a job and I don't know what's happening... I got stuck for 18 years and I'm not happy being like this here in Cavite most specially just with Uncle Jun. I can't even flip my wings and I don't know what to do...

I don't know what's happening... I wanna job but there are always people who are interfering on me and doing something for me to lost a job or some people having a bad agenda on me...

The gang of Uncle DD is behaving weirdly as well... I don't mind them if I have money here or if I have a job or if we are having foodish or things that we need. I mean I'm just letting them act whatever they wanted to do there coz that is their house beside us here. I mean if I ask a sugar on Aunt Karen they will say we don't have sugar or anything or no one is drinking a coffee here. But it seems they don't want me to ask help from them.

I don't know it is weird to accuse that Uncle Jun has a leadership on lifting up people or on releasing money on someone that I don't understand, how did he get that kind of leadership? If there is... Why, he can't have the money for here or they or he is hiding their circle?

For 2 to 3 days now Uncle Jun is always hanging out outside the house, going in baranggay or somewhere until 11 or midnight or after midnight... I mean he will go back here around before 6 pm coz he is bringing us foodish here. I don't have any money... Uncle Jun is shouldering our foodish here. My heart is breaking coz John needs a dog food now... I don't have money to buy a dog food. So, after he went home here coming from his baranggay task, he will go back here before 6pm just to leave us a food, me and John. Then, Uncle Jun will go outside hanging out somewhere, I don't know if he is in baranggay or somewhere else...

I really appreciate Uncle Jun whenever he is bringing us a foodish here like biscuits and coffee but those foodish are still on small amount coz I want real foodish on a middle-class range. This is not my ideal tight life but I'm thankful on the good act of giving or sharing food here of Uncle Jun but it's not enough for me... He can lift people but why they can't lift me? or do something to help me on trying to investigate those people who are on movement to damage or control my entire future...

Uncle Jun told me that he already pawned his other phone...

It is weird that I'm having nightmares for 2 weeks now...

7:52 am

Still, have windblow...

Uncle Jun's motivation is to pawn my stuff... I said I already pawned my old golds and I wasn't able to get it back that is heart breaking. He said just get it if we have money, I said I wasn't able to get it back all my golds before but this health bracelet, I will try to pawn it coz I'm so broke. Angels, I love GOLDS!

What I wanted supposed to be is to keep my stuff coz I wanted stuff... What I planned was to ask help on the upper not on the lower angels... I wanna keep my stuff before supposed to be but now I don't have stuff that is having a big value, I already pawned it before. What I have now is this health bracelet... Only the health bracelet what I have now... I wanted GOLDS! I wanted lots of GOLDS!!!

One of the reasons I love arab people coz I love GOLDS! I love GOLDS! I wanted GOLDS!!!

I wanted lots of GOLD!

I wanna have it as my collection of jewelleries supposed to be and collection of my barter in life. But I only got my health bracelet now...

Can I pawn my REVLON LIPSTICKS???

8:38 am

Still,have windblow...

I'm fucking hurt on people that I just met who judge me that they didn't know the real story behind even my old fakers friends!

I hope angels could revenge me!!!

10:18 am

Still,have windblow...

I was able to pawn my ring the 18k but my health bracelet that is "Cartier" they didn't accept it in Palawan and in Jaro coz it is electroplated...

I can't afford to buy a new phone still... It is just low amount and I hope I can get it back the gold ring before its due date.

The padlock of the gate is open when I came back... I don't know if someone came inside here again, to check my stuff and planning to get something again... But I hope not...

This is just a small amount I can't afford a phone still... I just bought a 2kilos of rice and John's dog food...

I don't want this kind of life... I wanna a breast implants in time... I want to speak English even with Cody I just don't want being a bummer if I can't be a Queen...

Someone just open the gate... hmmm... Few minutes ago, I'm so stressed-out here with my bad dogs... John is the only dog I have here who is faithful and loving.

I rode a jeepney going to Area G and I said can you allow me to ride for free, I will just go to Pawnshop and I was just joking coz I already borrowed a 50 pesoses from Jessie.

Thanks, Jessie for the 50 pesoses...

I said joke... I gave the 50 pesoses and I asked the jeepney driver where is that Pawnshop in area G? The jeepney driver said there is a "Palawan" pawnshop and he dropped me off there.

10:41 am

Still,have windblow...

Uncle DD can't be a BENCH! he is bias! Bench means being a judge of anyone but me the white wig!

He switched off the water I just opened it awhile ago... I said coz I'm putting a water inside the bathroom. He is pointing his nose again, he is indirectly telling me that you are arrogant!

I said the water tube is damaged by a rat... It is just open if we are using it and I will cook a rice now and putting water inside the bathroom but I'm switching it off... His face reaction is a bit scary and planning a different things again,perhaps...

Uncle DD said this morning it is open, I said Uncle Jun is showering every morning that's why it is open. Then he is reacting that our water is high, he said it is 17k pesoses but I said it was like that on the receipt before the water tube broke a week ago...

He said how did it happen, the water tube is hard and solid? I showed the ice cream container see, this was bitten by a big rats. They are just everywhere under and over the roof and I don't know they are intellectual rats like the others here, I mean the people.

11:01 am

Still,have windblow...

I switched off the water already.. I'm done doing the cooking of rice and the water is already full in the bathroom.

I'm having headache... They are not helping me but Uncle Jun just on foodish like he brought a 3 kilos or 4kilos of rice again. I said what about the foodish meal or Ulam this lunch but I just bought a tuna canned good and 1 noodle. I said I just pawned my gold ring but the health bracelet the pawnshop didn't accept it.

On Mr Google: Gold Plated (Electroplated) Jewelry:

Process:A thin layer of gold is applied to a base metal (like brass, copper, or silver) using electroplating, a process where an electric current is used to bond the gold to the base metal. 

The reason why my health bracelet is not acceptable in pawnshop though it is " Cartier"...

I know Uncle DD is receiving the fundings for here like the payment for electric, water and wifi but I know we need to thrift. It was sent by my Aunt Teresa but we need to thrift... Sometimes it is delayed so they need to cover for the bills here...

But Harold is mainly shouldering us on wifi for 2 months now...

I feel irritated that they can't really help me on phone issues that I'm having now...

Uncle Jun told me that RV will fix the water tube something like that but I'm not sure...

11:33 am

Still, have windblow...

Thanks, Ate Helen the mother of Jessie for the sugar...

My main problem is my phone... I feel so low coz I don't have a phone... I can't afford to buy a new phone. What am I gonna do? I really wanna cry deep inside me.

Hey! angels what about my payouts on Halloween Ball and Path Master and et al...

11:41 am

I,still have windblow...

One of the reasons, I hate my old fakers friends and now starting to hate people that I met in my work location that I feel that they are also part of whatever movement or something a plan on me since 2007?

Like Katrina? Like Pau?

or my old my fakers friends...

A genuine friends will take my situation seriously, they will not comment or judge me that I'm not matured coz I'm broke...

It is so fucking weird why I can't see my friends and I don't have friends?

I must admit I need help these days, I'm being defensive I'm broke coz I have no job and it is not my choice.

The thing is, a genuine friend should be concerned on a friend situation for example my situation now, it is obviously something is wrong and it is not my fault... Aside from I'm their friend and they know and I hope they will not say that I'm not matured coz I'm broke. As an individual I'm their friend not my family, I believed that i'm their friend not anyone who is putting a cut on my relationship on others, friends coz I need HELP!

12:11 noon

Still,have windblow...

I just gave the 1k pesoses on Uncle Jun for our creditz on foodish... I can't buy a new phone...

12:38 noon

Still,have windblow...

Cartier it is... Vintage 24k Electroplated Gold.. For gift only coz it is sentimental value... But it is Cartier!

3:37 pm

Still,have windblow...

I feel bitterish on people who are over-protective on me for so long... Maturity means letting go... It means acceptance of something that it can't be what you wanted someone to be... Like myself... I dream high coz I used to be spoiled... But I always work and I always wanted to grow on my own but what can you do if the reality bites is biting my butt.

3:56 pm

Still,have windblow...

Drinking, coffee... I'm self-pitying... I don't know what to do, I'm thinking of money... I feel self-pity coz I can't afford to buy a new phone even a 2nd hand...

I feel irritated and super self-pity...

I feel so irritated on games that I wanted to cry angels coz of the hours, days and nights and sleepless nights and for making me believe that there will be a good welfare back-up... You wanna cry coz I feel tired though it is just games but it is tiring...

I hope I have angels to make this issue a big deal these games and the promise PAYOUTS!

I wanna cry or my deep within is crying coz I feel "burn-out'!!!

7:35 pm

Still,have windblow...

I feel bitterish... What am I gonna do? I'm not happy... Again, I don't want anyone who is over-interfering in my life to the point that I can't get a bf that I want...If ever I ask help on someone but not yet really a serious thing I hope they can be my actual friends...

For my old workmates and some old faker friends, I feel hurt coz they are part of the world that they didn't include me that I just realized that they didn't want me around... The most painful thing that a friend or friends can do to a friend, to hide things and not including me or not even telling me what's going on... It is the most painful thing...

[ju5tl1k34w0m4n]

Oscars

Yesterday was the oscar so i wanna talk about it

1.-Sean baker

i love Sean baker, i remember when i first saw "The florida project" film, i was so excited and i really like the movie, but my dissapointment was when the oscars didn't award him for that masterpiece, so i think it was very fair to give him 4 oscars for anora. Anora is such a beatiful film that sees the world from the eyes of a vulnerable woman but even in the worst the movie would make you laugh or even grin just a little bc of the humour, is such a beatiful film and i recommend it so much.

2.-The performance (Lisa, Raye and Doja cat)

i personally love them, specially lisa bc i really liked her when she was in blackpink and i'm a big fan of them since 2017, i was so surprised when lisa start singing "live and let die" by Macca, bp and the beatles are two of my favorite things in the world and see them in the same sentence makes me so happy, about doja performance, i really liked, i was in shock when i heard her singing bc i always see her as a rapper, but this performances changed my mind completely and i really aprecciated her as a singer more than a rapper, and Raye was absolutely fabulous, her voice, her looks, her hair, EVERYTHING, i really think that she is the future of female vocals (also shout out to her album "My 21st century blues" is a hell of an album).

3.-Best actor - Adrien Brody

i really like "the brutalist" but in my personal opinion timothée should win, as a die hard Bob Dylan fan i really saw a complete unknown as a stupid film that is only for begginers fans (and also a day before i watch the other Dylan biopic "i'm not there" for the 3th time and i think that's why i didn't enjoy acu) but ngl timothée did a flawless performance, also i love his interview with Nardwuar where he is just expressin how much he love Bobby.

4.- best supporting actor - Kieran Culkin

AJSHCWFG9WEYUEJVN, MY BOYYYYYY FINALLY DID IT IOV3WIEUVB. I really love Kieran is like one of the nicest person in the world and i remember when i saw him in "Home Alone" (lol) it was my favorite character as a kid even though he only played an kid that piss, but when i grew up and i see him in "scott pilgrim vs. The world" i was like wow, bc Wallace is one of my favorite characters from Sp and i never expect see him as W.W, then succesion and i was really sure he should win an oscar, and when i see a real pain i was really, really sure he would win it, and now, seeing him winning an oscar for one of his best roles is awesome, is like watching your kid growing up only that he is more older than you, anyways love my baby girl.

5.-Best animated feature film - Flow

i was amazed that this was even nominated, It is truly a great achievement in independent animation and the visuals are just nuts, a 10/10 film, nothing more to say.

6.-Best cinematography - the brutalist

I mean, i really liked the brutalist, but nosferatu is just crazy, as a fan of the original novel, i think it captures well the vibes and atmosphere and i love Robert eggers works, such as the witch and the lighthouse, but i'm just happy that Emilia Pérez didn't win.

7.- Best international feature film - I'm still here (aun sigo aquí)

I didnt watch the film, but surely it deserves the oscar more than Emilia me la Pérez, a film that i really like from the same director of "i'm still here" is "Diarios de motocicleta" which is contextualized in 1952, Argentina, is a really good film and the score is just mind blowing, specially "al otro lado del rio" by Jorge Drexler, a singer-songwritter from Uruguay.

8.- Best original song - Emilia Pérez (el mal)

Everything was going alright 'till this fucking film win for best song, as a Mexican this is really an ofense how ignorant they were in the film and songs, it's unbelievable, i think "Never too late" should win, Elton John is not only an idol in music, but for the piano players and the lgbtq+ community, Elton is just an idol and seeing him realising new music feels like a dream, but anyways.

9.-Overall

I think the awards were good, good films like Anora had their space and it was very nice to see the performances, but after all, the awards in general are bullshit and we should not be influenced by them and enjoy cinema as an personal experience.

[lifewithseph]

I often look back at some of the things I can't undo, and I think.... is this really the person I am? I'm supposed to be? then I look even further into my wild days where I'd get so drunk to numb the pain that I'd eventually just black out. there were also days where I'd often wonder if I was... I guess one would say.... on "autopilot"? because I guess on most of those days, that's exact;y what it would feel like when you're numb. We sometimes wonder why we fight to survive, and I guess for some of us that's always one thing that'll be a question. meanwhile whenever you go back to toxic family what it feels like is the equivalent of the feeling of suffocation. like you're drowning and unsure what to do, how to be creative, or just think for yourself, because you're forced to rely on them for everything while they treat you like either a made or the least favorite and least loved child that ever seemed to exist. I may not be a parent, but I was still someone's child. and I know this enough to think that, though it may be hard, I would still never want my future offspring to grow up the way I did. That, and.... plus, there's a lot more to consider. Some children will always remember broken promises more than they will broken toys. they will remember how if anyone was there for them. In my case, due to growing up without actual proper guidance, I had the tendency to push a lot of my friends away, but sometimes that's a good thing, but only, because those were the kind of friends worth losing, but also somewhere along the way I realized that some of the friends I grew up with weren't so bad. while some of my wildest friends we're drunk on most days. I can only ever thank them. Because those wild friends were the only ones who made it bearable for me to stay sane and taught me how to think like an adult at such a young age. Sometimes you can have a tame outlook, but you can also have the wildest spirit within, at the same time. as the saying goes, "you are who your friends are." and thought while my circle of friends may not be perfect, I still wouldn't wanna change them, nor have them any other way. Everyone has their stories after all. No one is definitely not perfect. That's the beauty of life.