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lixie-phoria · 10 months ago

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↳ ♡₊˚. tag, you're it ꒱

— skz helping 9th member reader w/ her paranoid personality disorder

requested - yes // 9th fem!member who has paranoid personality disorder (PPD) and she always thinks that she isn’t alone in the dorms when she’s by herself? The boys don’t know anything about is as she hides it from them but one day the boys get a camera for the living room as weird things have been happening when they aren’t there... skz x 9th member fem!reader / warnings - angst w happy ending, mentions of anxiety, paranoia, stalkers, and paranoid personality disorder / 3.2k words / a/n - this is the longest fic i've ever written 😭

"boo!"

"fuck!"

you gasped in shock, stumbling back as hyunjin popped out from behind the couch, a playful smile tugging at his lips.

"did i scare you?" he giggles, standing up properly and making his way towards you, failing to notice how you eyes were still quivering with fright and your tight grip on your phone.

"why would you do that, hyunjin?"

you sound off, your voice an octave higher and trembling with an emotion that confuses him. was he sensing anger?

"it's just a joke ynnie. calm down."

it wasn't just a joke to you, though. it was much more than that. but you couldn't to explain it to him, so you leave him in the living room with an eye roll, staring at your retreating figure in confusion.

hyunjin doesn't bring it up after that. maybe he just happened to catch you on one of your bad days.

but he begins noticing things ever since - things that weren't necessarily normal. things that you have always done, but this time when he really thinks about it, they're a bit strange.

how you're always extra jumpy, flinching at every loud sound, refusing to leave the house without an unnecessary amount of security, being extra cautious when you went to public events, and straight up refusing to socialize with anyone more than necessary.

your members always labelled it on you being an introvert. but to the extent that you barely even spoke about yourself to your own members? as though scared to trust them with information? that wasn't normal, was it?

hyunjin thinks hard. he's a bit worried about you, but he doesn't know what to do.

tell chan? no. chan didn't need more problems on his plate.

confront you? no. you hated confrontation. it would worsen things.

talk to another member about it? maybe. but you might get mad at him. you always hated people meddling with your personal life.

so he stays silent for a while, observing from a distance.

and he begins picking up on signs soon enough.

you were paranoid. extremely paranoid. he caught you looking over your shoulder every few minutes, expertly dodging personal questions, being hypersensitive to criticism, having spells of moodiness that followed no particular pattern, suddenly giving your own members the cold shoulder, over analysing every little interaction you had with people. it was worrisome.

yes maybe hyunjin was looking into it too much and it wasn't that big of a deal. but he couldn't brush off a certain thought nagging him at the back of his mind. something was definitely up, and it was about time he spoke to the others about it.

"I think yn has a stalker." hyunjin mutters, shifting uncomfortably in his seat under the blank gazes of the other 7.

"what?" chan sounds confused, eyebrows furrowed as he shares an unsure glance with lee know. "did she say anything?"

that was the problem. you didn't. so he had no solid proof other than his theories.

"well, not really" he rubs the back of his neck. "but something is wrong. I know it. she's been acting weird."

"weird as in?"

"it's the usual. she hasn't changed. but when you look into her habits, they're not normal hyung."

it's tense. nobody knows what to say until changbin breaks the silence.

"what do you mean by not normal?"

"I don't mean it in a bad way," hyunjin hastily defends. "it's the way she's so paranoid, always on the edge. it can't be anxiety. anxiety doesn't make you act that way. it's almost like she's scared of something or someone."

he leaves it at that, allowing for the others to ponder over it.

your managers hadn't mentioned anything. maybe it was a sasaeng bothering you? maybe you slipped up and you were scared to share it with the company? scared of their berating?

"we can't jump to conclusions, can we?" felix interjects, fingers anxiously drumming against the table.

hyunjin shakes his head. "we can't. that's why i've been observing her for the past few weeks, and this was the most reasonable explanation i could find."

"what exactly made you start looking into it?"

"i tried jump scaring her two weeks ago, when she thought she was alone at the dorms. and she was so livid she didn't even crack a smile. i thought maybe she was just in a bad mood but for a few days after she kept acting strange around me. she would barely speak to me and even when she did she wouldn't meet my eyes."

chan hums, a frown twisting against his features. if hyunjin's guess was correct, you could be in serious trouble. and if he thought about it, there may just be a chance the boy was right. if you really did have a stalker threatening you, the chances you told them about it were close to zero. you were never one to confide in people easily.

"let's not tell the managers about it, yeah? we'll all observe her too. try seeing if there's anything out of the ordinary?"

and so they all agree, leaving the company in a much worse mood than with which they had entered. you were alone back at the dorms. it was your first day off in a very long time. hence hyunjin had chosen that moment to tell the others.

the drive back is tense. nobody says much. a few of them scroll through social media, trying to see if there's any news about a stalker. but they come up with nothing.

everything seems normal.

that is until they reach their apartment.

the change is immediately obvious. when chan unlocks the door, he stumbles back in surprise when he sees their dinner table blocking the corridor of the entrance, preventing them from entering the living room. the couch had also noticeably shifted, turned such that anyone sitting on it would have a clear view of the windows and the front door. every window is shut, the latches bolted.

"what the fuck happened here?" seungmin mutters in shock, carefully lifting the table from one end and moving it to make space for them to enter. the entire layout had changed.

"where's yn?"

all of them are visibly terrified as they make their way deeper into the dorm, noticing the can of pepper spray lying on the center table.

"yn!"

no answer.

"fuck. I hope she's okay."

there's nothing they can do besides hope as they reach your door. it's locked. there's no sound coming from the other side.

"yn?" Chan's voice wavers as he silently knocks at your door.

no answer.

"yn! it's us!" lee know pounds against the door.

there's a moment of tense silence before they hear the unmistakable click of your lock.

"hi?"

your hair is ruffled and your eyes puffy. you had been asleep.

it takes you by surprise when jeongin pushes his hyungs aside to grab you by the shoulders, chest heaving with the fright you had given them.

"what's wrong innie? why do you guys look like you've seen a ghost?"

"what's wrong? you tell us yn. why is all our furniture completely rearranged?"

for the first time your eyes land on the living room, and you gulp.

shit. you forgot to clean up.

"there was a bee. I was trying to kill it."

"what?"

it sounds ridiculous even to your own ears, but it's the best excuse you have.

"yeah. that's why the windows are closed. it got in somehow and I lost it. I was just trying to search for it." you shrug.

"what about the pepper spray?"

"I couldn't find the bug repellent."

the excuses come to you naturally.

"yn please-"

"it's not that big of a deal, oppa" you cut chan off, defensively crossing your arms. "you know I hate bugs. that's all there is to this. now will you please let me go back to sleep?"

you don't wait for their reply, shutting the door and locking it, leaving your members half confused and half exasperated. you were lying to them.

"please tell me none of you believed her." hyunjin whispers into the silence of the afternoon, taking care that you don't overhear them.

"something's definitely wrong," han agrees, his foot bouncing unconsciously against the carpet. "she's hiding something."

"but what?"

the million dollar question. what were you hiding? was it really a stalker?

"should we tell the managers about it now?"

"I think we should," lee know adds, looking at the others for confirmation.

"don't you think she'll be angry? she doesn't like people meddling with her business. you know how defensive she gets."

all of them turn to chan. in the end, it would be his say.

"I think we should try figuring out the reason first ourselves."

"but-"

"a motion detector and CCTV camera might work. hidden from sight, of course. it would alert us."

changbin hums, agreeing with their leader. "We could give it a try. It's better than nothing."

and so the plan is set. felix makes an excuse of buying parts for his PC and brings home the camera and motion detector. when you go to shower the next morning, the device is expertly concealed and motion detectors set in place.

chan insists you stay back that day too, going on for a long time about something related to your health and dark circles and what not. you agree reluctantly, and they don't fail to notice it. you didn't want to be alone. that was something.

"don't worry ynnie," jeongin reassures you as he ties his shoe lace while the others wait for him at the entrance. "the company is only 5 minutes away, we wont be far."

"are we just going to wait around here with nothing to do?" lee know asks, leaning back into the couch in their dance room.

"we don't have another option."

and so they do exactly that - wait. but it's not for long.

fifteen minutes into their boredom the first alarm goes off. the motion detectors had been triggered and the bell rings from chan's phone - where the control system had been set up.

"quick, check the camera!"

all eight of them huddle around chan's screen, watching intently at the familiar sight of their living room, eyes scanning for any sign of someone trying to break in.

but it's only you. you're pacing the living room, hands wringing by your side as you keep looking over your shoulder, flinching every time a paper rustles or the curtains move from the wind.

"what's wrong with her?"

felix furrows his brows, looking at the controls on chan's screen to make sure that the motion detector outside their front hasn't been activated. that meant nobody was trying to break in.

"she seems terrified."

"call her."

seungmin wastes no time in dialing your contact, and they watch in unison as you very nearly jump out of your skin when your phone goes off, a hand going to clutch your chest as you collapse into the couch.

"hello?"

your voice sounds normal. they wouldn't have suspected anything if they couldn't see your leg anxiously bouncing.

"is everything okay there?" seungmin asks carefully. he can't giveaway that they're secretly keeping an eye on you.

"uh yeah- yeah sure. everything is fine. why?"

"no reason. I was just taking a break."

"oh."

"alright stay safe. We'll be back in a while."

Seungmin is just about to hang up when you stop him.

"wait!"

for the first time a hysterical note seeps into your voice.

"yes?"

he's met with silence as they notice you pondering over something through the camera.

"yn?"

"nevermind. it's nothing. don't overwork yourself."

chan sighs deeply as he listens to you over the speaker, his fingers tightly gripping the edges of his phone.

you mutter your bye, and they watch you get up, carefully placing your phone on the table.

and then you do what they had been waiting for.

pushing your weight against the couch, you move it directly towards the wall, leaving no gap in between.

another alarm goes off on chan's phone.

then you angle it a bit, the same way they had found it the day before, such that you have a clear view of all entrances to the dorm.

all this while anxiously looking over your shoulder, once even jumping a bit as your foot got stuck on a fold in the carpet. your movements are tense, screaming with urgency, and it's the breaking point for them.

"that's it. we're going back," changbin huffs as he stands up, the other following behind quickly. chan maintains his concentration on the screen.

"she's turning on the t.v," chan informs, slinging his laptop bag over his shoulder and following them out of the building.

the ride back is silent. if their manager picks up on the strange atmosphere he doesn't mention it, and they're grateful to that. lying to their manager would be worse than hiding this from him.

it's only a five minutes drive, but it feels like eternity. when they finally enter the building, running up the stairs, it's eerie how peaceful their apartment looks from the out.

"do we knock or?"

"no. it might scare her."

seungmin pulls out the key from his pocket, trying to be as soft as possible as he unlocks the door, not wanting to startle you with any sudden noise.

"yn?"

chan quickly turns off his phone, stepping through the threshold.

you're sitting exactly where they saw you, some show mindlessly playing on the t.v. your eyes lock in on them as you scramble up.

"you guys are early. it's barely been half an hour."

should they tell you truth? confront you? try to coax it out of you? be subtle about it?

"guys?"

they snap out of their trance, their voices immediately breaking the silence of the dorm.

"yeah! we didn't want to leave you by yourself for long."

"oh."

you take your place on the couch, and raise a brow as they all settle themselves around you too. they don't change or wash up or anything. they just silently occupy any empty space they can find.

it's strange.

"are you guys ok?" you voice, turning off the t.v to look at felix who's sitting beside you.

silence.

they all exchange glances. someone has to bring it up.

"are you okay?" hyunjin finally asks, turning his body to face yours.

"what?"

"yn, please. just answer him."

"no no what do you mean hyune?"

you voice is an octave higher, hands digging into the leather cushion of their couch.

"yn," chan tries to pacify. they hadn't expected this to escalate over a simple question.

"what? why are all of you looking at me like that? i'm fine there's nothing wrong with me."

"yn-"

"stop interfering in things that aren't your business!" you finally snap, cutting felix off as you stand up, turning to face them. "this is none of your business so keep out of it!"

you're breathing heavily and a beat passes in silence.

"yn, what's wrong love?"

chan carefully gets up to put an arm over your shoulder, gently pulling you down to sit. you're trembling and barely half a minute passes before you crumble into chan's shoulder - suddenly - sobs punctuating the silence of the afternoon.

"i'm sorry," you manage between gasps. "i'm so sorry."

even chan look alarmed as he hurriedly tries to calm you down.

"there's nothing to be sorry about, ynnie. please talk to us."

but you can barely talk. you're all but wailing as the other seven huddle around you, their reassurances mixing together.

"i lied. i've been a terrible friend, snapping at you all the time. i'm so sorry it's all my fault."

"yn-"

"nothing is okay. everything is a mess and i don't know what to do."

the leader gently coaxes your face out from where it's nestled in his neck, and rubs a thumb below your waterline, collecting the salt streams streaking down your face.

"ynnie. please calm down, yeah? we want to help. tell us what's wrong."

"i'm- i'm messed up, chan. that's what is wrong."

"don't say that! it's not true."

you break down into another torment of sobs, and they hurry to calm you down.

"it's my head. it's messing with me. something is wrong. i just-," you voice breaks as chan leans to plant a soft kiss against your temple. "-i just don't know what."

"what do you mean?" hyunjin asks softly.

you take your time, elaborating through sobs and broken gasps about your suspected condition. if you had thought they would judge you, you were completely wrong. they listen attentively, comforting you through it.

"i don't want to, but i can't help it," you whisper, leaning into chan's touch. "my brain convinces me that there's always someone hiding just beyond my sight. everytime i speak to someone i'm wired into believing they'll use that information against me somehow, or they'll try to harm me. public events are a nightmare. i don't remember the last time i've been to an award show and felt alright."

"oh yn."

han all but pounces on you and chan, ruffling your hair as hiccups wrack through your figure.

they've never seen you like this. they've never seen anyone like this, in fact.

"it's so loud in my head. it started off small, i didn't even notice when i began thinking or feeling this way. but it just got worse and worse to the point where i've been an absolute pain to all of you - snapping at you, lying to you, fighting with you. i just- i don't know what to do anymore."

"hey hey, listen to me, yeah? this is not your fault. and you haven't been a pain. don't ever think that again," chan reminds you, coaxing you to face him, heart breaking a little at the tears streaking your face.

"but-"

"nope. nuh-uh. no blaming this on yourself."

you chin wobbles as you try to control a fresh onslaught of sobs.

all of them are so understanding you don't even know if you're crying from all the love or the confrontation.

"we'll help you through this, yn. we promise. you don't have to suffer through this alone."

"you don't have to do this. you're all already so busy and-"

"your mental health is a lot more important to us than anything else," felix interjects flatly, rubbing a soothing hand over your back.

"yeah! you've been hiding this for so long and we just want to help you feel better again! no matter what it takes."

you flash a grateful smile to changbin through the tears, earning an encouraging grin from him.

"you're all too nice for your own good. thank you."

"don't worry you can repay us by letting me jump scare you!"

"yah hyunjin do you want to be stuffed into the air fryer?"

it didn't take a genius to figure out who the comment came from as you giggled softly.

it's going to be okay, you think. you know your boys will help you through it, and that itself was the first step of your recovery.

you'll be fine.

©lixie-phoria, 2024

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whoisneo404 · 5 months ago

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Ride or die.

Summary: Nick and latino boyfriend. NSFW. Also, Sub Nick (cus I know you all love that shit)

“Come on, it will be fun.” Nick begs as I roll my eyes at him. he got invited to another party this month, I feel like I will die if I go to another party, I just wanted to relax with him tonight, but I can’t resist his pretty eyes and his cute outfit. “I’m already changed, come on. Please.”

“Ugh.” I sigh, and consider what options I have.

“Please, amor. (amor)” Nick grins and sits on my left leg, his arms wrapping around my neck. “Please, I don’t wanna go alone.” He whispers against my ear. My arm wraps around his waist and I look up at him.

“All right.” Nick immediately jumps out of my lap and runs to grab his phone, sending an audio to whoever invited him saying that he is going with me and to wait for us. I roll my eyes because I can’t believe how weak I am for him.

In out way to the party Nick was extra sweet and loving with me, his way of thanking me. The party house was big, as usual, filled with people, music and alcohol. We walk inside, my hand on Nick waist, we pass throw the drunk people and get to a big living room where a few of our friends were sitting and chatting. Some girl approaches Nick and make him sit besides her while they talk, I sit next to Chris and he offers me a bear.

“Hi man. Thought you guys were gonna chill at you place.” He says loudly so I can hear him over the music.

“Yeah, you know how it is. If the prince wants something he gets it.” Chris laughs, after I finish the bear I join the conversation fully, laughing and catching up with a few of them.

After two or three bears I feel relaxed, I lean back on the couch, a brand-new bear on my hand, the music vibrating throw my body. I feel a little tap on my shoulder takes me out of my trance, I turn around and Madi is standing there.

“Hi, I just wanted to let you know that Nick is dancing over there, my legs hurt a bit and I wanted to sit down, just so you know where he is.” She smiles warmly at me and I follow her finger until I see Nick dancing and jumping here and there. I smile at her.

“Thanks, Mads.” She goes to sit with the rest of the group. I lean back on the couch again, the cold liquor hitting my throat when I sip it, I spread my legs to try and adjust the growing problem in my pants. I smile at myself while admiring Nicks body dancing to the loud music. When I finish the bottle, I put it on the ground and stand up, walking slowly but decided to him. when I’m behind him I grab him by the waist and press him against me.

“You alone, lindo? (cutie).” I whisper against his hear. I feel him giggle, but he doesn’t stop swaying his hips from side to side.

“No, I’m here with my boyfriend.”

“Oh, are you?”

“Yep.”

“I don’t see him.” I kiss the back of his ear, making his back arch a bit.

“He knows how to fight.”

“Bet he does. What else?”

“He is super rude.”

“Really? And why a niño bonito (pretty boy) like you is with such a mean guy?”

“He is good to me.” Nick turns around, his arms wrapping against my neck, our chest touching. “So good to me.” He kisses my cheek and I roll my eyes.

“Hi, guapo (handsome).” I kiss him back. “Madi told me she ditched you.”

“She didn’t ditch me.” he rolls his eyes. “So… you came so I wasn’t dancing alone?”

“I mean, I don’t mind watching you dance alone. It was a really nice, I might ask you to dance for me more often.” His cheeks light up a bit. “A little show just for me, what do you think?”

“Maybe… I’ll have to think about it.”

“What a tease…” I grab him by the waist and pull him closer to me, my hardness pressing against his soft tummy. “Let’s go home.”

“But-“ I move my hips a bit, rubbing a bit more onto him, his cheeks grow redder and he bites his lip. “Okay, I’ll tell them you are sleepy, go turn on the car.” I smile widely, grab him by the hair and pull him into a sloppy wet kiss, when I let him go, he is red and panting.

“I’ll wait for you on the car.” I go to the car, I wait maybe 5 or 8 minutes until Nick is inside the car and I quickly drive to my house, lucky for us it wasn’t that far away.

We stumble into the house, his shirt already on the floor when he pushes me against the door while locking it. Our hips meeting, rolling and pushing to get the friction we needed. I take off my shirt and push him, walking forwards while still kissing, the back of his knees hit the couch and he falls into it, I climb on top of him while unbuckling my belt.

“I’m gonna ruin you, god, I want to hear you scream tonight.” I leave my belt on the coffee table and take his pants off, a little wet stop on his boxers where his tip lies. I smile to myself while I attack his neck, leaving red marks all over it, my right hand rubbing and massaging his hard dick.

“Please, need you.” I bite down, my teeth leaving a mark close to his jaw. I slap his butt and sit up.

“Work for it.” He sits up to, his face blushed and a confused face. “Put on a show for me, come on, make me want to fuck you.” Nick looks down and bites his lips. He stands up, I open my legs so he is standing between them, his hips start to sway and roll, his pretty face all flushed as he dances for me. When I feel like I have had enough I pull him into my lap, the rough material of my jeans rubbing against the wet and soft cotton of his boxers, his hips start to buckle and roll on top of my clothed dick.

“Did I do a good job?”

“Claro, mi amor (of course, mi love). I loved it. You deserve to be ruined.” I smile, his lips meet mine, a hungry and needy kiss is shared between us, his hips never stop moving, my arms wrapped around his waist, grabbing and pushing down on his ass making our bodies be even closer. “Shit, I need you. Take those out.” I demand, when Nick starts to take off his boxers, I take my jeans and boxers out too, tossing them on the floor. Before Nick sits down on my lap again, I speak. “Pass me the belt.”

“W-what?”

“I think I spoke clearly, pass me the belt.” He gulps and grabs my belt from the coffee table. “Good boy, turn around for me.” When Nick turns around, he puts his hands behind him so I can tie them up. “It would be just like last time.” I kiss his lower back gently. “¿Por que tan nervioso? Recuerdo que esa noche me pedias que no parara (why so nervous? I remember that night you were begging me to not stop).” I laugh a bit and kiss above his elbow. “Turn around. On your knees.” I look down at him, my hard dick on my hand, his soft lips leave a sweet kiss on my tip, then he goes down on it, his head going up and down, up and down, his back arching prettily.

I groan and moan as he makes a mess out of me. “Enough, enough.” I say, my chest going up and down. I pat my lap. “Come on, you earned it.” Nick stands up, I grab him by the waist so he doesn’t lose balance, he straddles my hips, I grab the base of my length with one hand so its easier for him to slide down. When his hips meet mine, he lets out a loud moan.

“Fuck.” His chest heavily falls up and down. Nick hides his face on my shoulder and I feel him bite down on it.

“I know, I know.” After a few seconds I feel him starting rolling his hips. “That’s it. Good job.” Nick picks up the pace of his hips, starting gently bounce up and down, I throw my head up, my hands squeezing his plushy waist helping him move above me.

I can hear Nicks pants and moans against my neck, one of my heads leave his waist and goes to his hair, with a firm tug I make him look at me, his pupils dilated, his furrowed brows and watery eyes making him look so hot. I attack his mouth, our moans and groans suppressed by each others mouths. When Nick pulls away his gaze meets mine.

“You look so pretty bouncing for me.” I slap his ass, bot of my hands again on his waist, my thumb massaging and my fingers squeezing his flesh.

“Fuck- can’t, please.”

“Please, what?” he looks down where our hips meet, his lip between his teeth.

“Can I cum? Please.” he begs. I grab his waist firmly, making him stop his movements.

“¿Como decirte que no? (how could I say no to you?)” my hips buckle up, hitting the right spot with every thrust, his back arches, his moans are uncontrollable, I feel intoxicated by the way he says my name and his eyes are shut with pleasure. The wet noises mixing with the lovely sound of our bodies hitting together filling the room. I feel him clench around me, and with a loud moan his legs end up shacking, Nicks forehead against mine, his whole weight on top of me again, heave breaths leaving him, I give him a sweet kiss while he rolls his hips against me, the warmth of his cum all over my chest dripping down to my stomach.

Once his breath steadies, I speak. “Ready?” Nick just nods and hums. With a swift move I turn him around, his chest and face hitting the softness of the couch, his hips still attached to mine. “Come on babe, arch that pretty back.” I massage his lower back and lean in to kiss his shoulder when he arches his back. “Eso es (that’s it), good boy. Que obediente (how obedient).” The first thrust few thrusts are soft.

“Please…” Nick moans prettily, his eyes meeting mine over his shoulder.

“Dios… me vuelves loco (god… you drive me crazy.” My thrust increase speed and I try to hit as deep as I can, my hips rolling to make sure it feels extra good. I lean forward again, pushing his chest down with mine, I moan and bite down on his neck. “¿se siente bien? ¿si? Se que te encanta cuando hablo español, que sucio que eres. Dios, solo escúchate. (does it feel good? Yeah? I know you love it when I speak spanish. God, just hear yourself.) You sound like a slut.

“Fuck. Yes, ‘m yours, your slut.”

“Good boy. God, you are so hot.” I shut my eyes, biting down on his shoulder. “Close, baby.”

“M’too. Wannit inside. Please.” His hands grab down on the couch, his hips backing up against mine.

“As you wish.” My legs shake, my heart races. “Ah, mierda (Oh, fuck).” Nicks legs shake, his legs going limp, when I pull out my white seed falls from his insides. “Oh shit.” I try to catch my breath. Nick turns around, he is laying on his back, his vest going up and down heavily. “¿Como estas mi amor? (how are you, my love?)”

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#nick sturniolo x reader #nick sturniolo x you #nick sturniolo x male reader #sturniolo triplets x reader #nick sturniolo smut #nick sturniolo

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ang3lina-xoxo · 5 months ago

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ghostface!chris + fem!reader

made by: ang3lina-xoxo only on tumblr!

authors note: i haven’t slept in days. (forgive me for any grammar errors, i’ll try to get better) ALSO i usually don’t use caps soooo…

also i might forgot fix a few things. so sorry if i forgot about that.

english isn’t my first language!! also this is my first fic so

!warnings: mentions of using a blade(knife), smut, shit writing. gaging, rough sex, edging, praise kink, chocking.

! ꩜₊ ⊹౨ৎᶻ 𝗓 𐰁

inspo: lil red on archive!

─ ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ─ ─ ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ─ ─ ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ─ ─ ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ─ ─

when we are around the people we love, we feel safe, and we feel at ease. but, what do you do when the person you love goes missing when a murder is going around? and what if the person you love is the threat? who do you run to then?

when was the last ghost face attack? you can’t even remember, three years ago? maybe even four, but he’s back, and this time it isn’t a joke.

8:37 pm

you’re at the sturniolo’s house, although it’s quieter then usually is. the reason? Chris isn’t here. why? well that’s cause he’s all the way down in California for a modeling shoot, for fresh love of course.(or atleast you think) you don’t mind that he isn’t here, i mean you’re the closest to nick so it isn’t much of a problem.

you and nick sat on the couch, Trevor in between the two, as your eyes are glued to the tv screen, watching the news, which was odd because you aren’t a news person, you rather wait until it popped up one your fyp while you aimlessly scrolled, but this? this was different. this was specifically talking about the town you’re in, and how ghostface was back.

“could be some kid trying to be cool.” nick mumbled next to you, you didn’t have much to say so you just nodded in a agreement. nick reached out and grabbed the remote to the tv, he swapped the channel to a different news station but… the same thing, different reporters.

“alright, whatever we can watch a movie tomorrow, yeah?” nick sighed, looking at you.

“yeah.”

“alright the guest bedroom is free, like always. make yourself at home.”

“got it.”

11:32 pm

you slide on some pjs before walking down the stairs to the kitchen to get yourself a snack before you headed up, to your room. as you close the cupboard your phone begins to ring causing you to jump slightly. you let out a breath of relief and slight embarrassment realizing the noise was just your phone. you pick up your phone dismissing the fact that it’s an unknown number.

“hello?” you answer

nothing.. “helloo?” you ask again moments from hanging up, when you hear a heavy breath through the phone. your body tenses up, and the hairs on the back of your neck stand up. 

“who is this?” your thoughts immediately flooding with the murders happening in your town starting with a phone call.

the breathing sound continues until you hear a voice “you know who it is” a deep distorted voice vibrates through the phone. your breath quickens and you start to hyperventilate, your entire body shaking. you knew your luck would run out eventually, it was your turn to die now. 

“where are you?” you say as confidently as possible, with tears welling up in your eyes. you look around yourself anxiously before running to the knife block to pull out your biggest knife for protection.

a deep chuckle rings through your ears “come find me doll, i’ve got a surprise for you” he taunts. you blink a couple times to clear your eyes and let fresh tears fall. you find yourself playing his game, searching for him. “can you see me?” you gulp dryly, as you slowly open the shoe closet.

(a shoe closet? great choice, champ.)

“of course i can love.” his voice cocky and horse, was it bad that you totally thought his voice was hot? maybe that’s an issue cause it’s a fucking murderer.

you searched aimlessly, as you slowly made your way towards nicks room to wake him up, when u here a raspy “stop.” your eyes flicker down to your phone, as you realize you weren’t on the phone, but the voice was in the same hall as you.

you’re about to scream when a hand is placed over your mouth, as a blade is pressed to your throat.

“walk.”

your hands wrap around his, trying to pull em off, as he drags you to the direction the guest bedroom.

the only sounds are your footsteps and your embarrassing whimpers.

his gloved hands travel up your arms gently touching your skin, you followed his movements with your eyes. his hands tighten on your neck/ throat signalling you to look at him. 

your eyes meet again and your breath hitches at his cold gaze. he pushes you onto the bed behind you and you let out a scream (or tried to as it was quickly muffled but his hand covering your mouth.) at the sudden movement, he crawls on top of you and grabs the knife in one swift motion.

“we don’t want to wake them up now, do we?”

you shake your head no, in a desperate attempt to make him feel bad and go away.

he took the handle of the knife and trailed it down your body, leaving goose bumps in it’s wake.

he paused, leaving the knife on your lower stomach, as his hand slipped into his pocket, pulling out a black blindfold, his other hand pining you down. your sense of vision was quickly taken away, but you felt the handle of the knife trail lower and lower.

now, if you said you weren’t worked up, that was a lie, and he could tell by your body language.

his other hand hooks onto your waistband before pulling them and your panties down your legs. he then slid the knife lower, and lower.

he then flipped the knife and caught it by the blade, before pressing the handle onto your clit. you squirmed with unexpected pleasure letting out a small whimper at the touch.

“you’re absolutely fuckin’ gorgeous.” he coo’s. “yeah?” you questioned, your voice dry and raspy.

“yeah..” he answered immediately.

fuck, this was too good.

he slowly slides the handle down your folds and pushes it into your cunt, twinges of arousal shot though your core, you bit your lip containing a moan while your hand found your way to his bicep. Chris chuckled at your grip on his arm and pushed it into you again deeper this time making a loud moan fall from your lips. quickly overwhelmed as he repetitively pumped the knife inside of you slowly and teasingly as he admired you beneath him.

you bit your lip to stifle your moans.

chris quickly noticed and smirked, “good girl, don’t make a sound.”

you felt the knife pull out of you, as your legs are forced open by the nudge of his knees. chris dropped in-between your legs, of course you didn’t know this as you were blind folded. he placed his hands on the back of each thigh, as he pulled your legs onto his shoulders. “fuck, you’re stunning, ma’”

his hands could practically leave bruises by the way he was gripping your legs as if he was holding on for dear life.

he pressed a kiss to your core, causing your back to arch slightly after this, he fucking ate you out, praising you with his kisses.

(i have no idea how to write someone getting eaten out so uhhhhhhh)

as you reached your climax, he just had to stop there, before the sounds of a zipper being undone, and a belt falling to the ground is heard.

he lined his tip, running it against your sensitive folds to tease you, a small groan escaping his lips as he pulled away, suddenly you could feel all his inches getting pushed into you at once, without giving you a moment to get used to his size, he pounded into you, leaving you at his mercy as you tried not to whimper or moan to receive more of his praises.

“fuck, sweetheart…. you’re so perfect…” he whimpered

you whine hopelessly, in half pain half pleasure. “take it.” he says through gritted teeth. chris’s gloved hand slides over your throat roughly squeezing the sides, almost immediately making you lightheaded. his other hand squeezes your hip roughly.

both of your moans flood the room as he fucks you senseless.

“such a good girl.” he whimpers. his hand travels from your neck to your mouth, sticking two fingers down your throat, making you gag, your eyes squeezing shut as he rode you though your high. Chris slows his pace, still catching his breath. he slides his dick out of you, he plants a small but loving kiss on the back of your head. “keep your head down, doll.” he says your eyebrows furrow at the odd request but you oblige.

a couple seconds pass of silence. “can i put my head up now?” you ask impatiently, muffled through the pillow. 

silence. you sit up and look behind you only to see your empty bedroom, and his ghostface mask on your bed.

oh, and, chris is home early.

…………………………………………………

AHHHH this is absolute shit i’ll try harder in the future, trust.

#chris sturniolo #matt sturniolo #nick sturniolo #sturniolo #sturniolo triplets #smut #ghostface #rough smut #praise k!nk #christopher sturniolo

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tenelkadjowrites · 1 year ago

Text

Wallflower - Part Two - Seonghwa x Reader (NSFW)

PART ONE HERE. PART THREE HERE.

🌻 Summary: The events of Sunday morning won’t leave your mind, and you are determined to figure out if every aspect of the rumor about your nerdy coworker, Seonghwa, is true.

🌻 Word count: 11.5k

🌻 Genre & warnings: nerdy seonghwa with coworker reader. fem pronouns for reader. dirty talk. fingering. oral sex. unprotected sex. creampie.

🌻 Tags are now moved to the bottom of the fic.

this fic is not meant to represent Seonghwa in any way, shape or form.

You have a problem and it is one of your own making. In fact, it could even be considered two separate problems that are colliding.

Problem one? You have no friends. After spending years striving to climb the corporate ladder in your quest for money and job security, all your real friendships fell apart and faded away. That meant that every one of your ‘friends’ were actually coworkers. The unhappier you got at your job, the more distant you felt from them, leaving you increasingly isolated.

Problem two? You fucked around with a coworker. Most people would agree that to fuck a coworker, especially in an office setting, is a bad idea. Sure, it hadn’t turned into full on sex but you believed a general consensus of the situation would be that having your coworker eat you out to orgasm twice could be a short term pleasure without thinking of the long term ramifications.

The way these problems collided was in the fact that you couldn’t talk to anyone about Seonghwa because you had no friends who aren’t directly tied to work.

This meant that, while pressing the button in the elevator on Monday morning, you are left to the spiraling thoughts in your head without anyone’s help or advice.

As the doors open and you step onto the floor, you immediately scan the area for Seonghwa. But you don’t spot him. All that you see is the usual Monday morning bullshit – people cramming donuts in their mouth, the scent of that cheap break room coffee, the typing of many keyboards, people gossiping by the water cooler about the party on Saturday, and the sound of various boring and tedious phone calls.

The dread that blooms in your chest is enough to knock you off balance. Fuck, when did I start hating this place so much? It isn’t as if working here ever gave you a ton of joy. Office work was often tedious, dry and dull. But the money was supposed to wipe that all away. So…why wasn’t it?

You throw your bag down at your desk, sitting down and staring at your reflection in the computer screen for a few seconds before turning it on. As it boots up, you roll your chair back a little and glance over at Seonghwa’s cubicle. It is empty but his bag is there, making your heart skip a beat. Turning your attention back to your computer, you open up your e-mail, dreading everything that might have come in over the weekend.

You had been steadfastly trying not to think of Seonghwa since he dropped you off yesterday. That proved to be difficult. Actually, impossible. You couldn’t stop thinking about how it felt when he kissed you or how he looked when his tongue was working your clit. It’s been difficult merging the images of Seonghwa in the past as just your nerdy coworker with what happened last night.

“Good morning,” comes the very voice you are thinking about.

You flinch in surprise, looking over your shoulder to see Seonghwa standing there. He wears a pale blue button up, neatly tucked into the top of his khaki slacks. A black belt loops around his waist. He looks the exact same as he does every single day but this time…

“Hey,” You reply, spinning in your chair to face him.

We’ll see about that, baby is what Seonghwa had said when his fingers were buried in your cunt. The words bounce around in your brain as your gaze flicks to his hands quickly before back at his face.

He looks a little shy but stares at you resolutely through his oversized glasses. “Your car is still at the bar, right? Do you want me to take you there after work so you can get it? I drove today just in case…”

“Yes, please,” You reply, relieved, “I had to Uber this morning and the driver was one of those guys who wear like…the driver gloves. You know what I mean? Like, you’re not Ryan Gosling and I’m in a Tesla. Anyway, it was intense and uncomfortable and I was not looking forward to another ride after work.”

He laughs. You’ve seen Seonghwa laugh before and it’s always fascinated you how it looks like he’s in mild pain when doing so. Now, it is kinda endearing.

“I’m leaving on time today because I spent all of yesterday here and I could really do with some sleep.”

“I’m leaving on time today because I just don’t want to be here,” You reply without thinking.

Seonghwa laughs again but his gaze lingers on you a beat too long which makes your insides swirl. You suddenly are thinking about his tongue against your clit again. His mind must be traveling along the same thinking because he suddenly glances away, looking shy.

“Uhm, so you were here for a long time yesterday?” You ask, trying to keep the conversation as normal as possible.

“Yeah, the entire day and most of the night. I got home around one.”

You shudder. The idea of spending that long in the office is nightmare fuel.

Seonghwa continues, “But we got what we needed finished. See?”

He is pointing to your computer screen. Your e-mail has finished loading (another shudder) but you aren’t sure what you’re looking at.

“What?” You finally ask.

“Oh, the update notif, see? Here, I’ll show you.”

Seonghwa walks into the cubicle, leaning down to grab the mouse. He is very close to you although he’s busy clicking stuff on the computer. To be honest, you aren’t paying attention to whatever he’s doing. You’re thrown off by how it feels to be this close to Seonghwa, recalling how good he was at kissing.

“There. It takes about ten minutes or so though,” He looks as if he is going to say more but that’s when he turns his face in your direction and suddenly looks nervous, trailing off.

The two of you are extremely close. In fact, it’s so close that you could kiss Seonghwa easily. His lips are inches from yours. You can feel the warmth of his body and for one wild moment you just want to press your hands against his chest, pin him against the cubicle wall and kiss him until you are delirious.

There is a touch of pink along his cheeks. You know what he is thinking about because you are too. You open your mouth to say…honestly, you aren’t sure but a sudden clatter makes Seonghwa leap away from you as if you have turned into a cold fish.

“Oh, good, you’re here…uh with…Seonghwa?”

It’s your gossipy coworker, her head cocked to one side, staring at Seonghwa and then at you.

Seonghwa runs his fingers through his hair and says quickly, “Good morning! I was just pushing the software update through on her computer! Do you need any help with yours?”

Your coworker drawls, “No, I think I can figure out how to press ‘update’, thanks.”

Her tone is so dismissive that you feel irked. Seonghwa nods, quickly saying bye and scurries out of the cubicle, leaving you alone with your coworker.

“Just wanted to see if you made it back to your place in one piece.”

You could’ve texted, you think in a slightly bitter way but just go, “Yup, I did. Had a bit of a headache but nothing too bad.” Oh and the nerd you just quickly dismissed made me cum twice with just his fingers and tongue but I’m not about to tell you that.

“You were so wasted, oh my god. Never seen you get that fucked up at a function before. But don’t worry, you were a pretty boring drunk and there’s nothing being said about you. Apparently, this guy in accounting got super trashed and barfed all over the bar countertop after I left so that’s what everyone is talking about this morning.”

You feel weary. You dislike how confined the office feels, hate being smushed into your cubicle, tired of listening to the same gossip every week. You’re chafing at the repetition. You’re just happy that the rumor about Seonghwa is becoming old news because you aren’t sure about your ability to keep a poker face if it comes up.

You’re waiting for your coworker to mention her comment about you being weird lately. But she keeps talking about the guy throwing up and you realize she doesn’t think you remember it. You could bring it up yourself but can’t muster the energy. She isn’t wrong, after all, but you don’t want to talk to her about how you’ve been so unhappy at work lately.

“Oh, your computer update is done,” She finally stops talking, pointing to your screen, “Alright, I guess I should go. You coming out for coffee later?”

“Uh, yeah, I’ll be there.”

She walks off with a small wave, leaving you alone at your computer. Lost in thought, you think back to something Seonghwa said in the earlier conversation. I drove today just in case. He did that so he could take you to your car. The thoughtfulness touches you, makes your stomach feel weird in a way you can’t explain.

Trying to wipe Seonghwa from your mind, you steel yourself to begin working through the emails with a small sigh.

Running late to meet with Seonghwa, you hurriedly press the elevator button. A call had gone over the allotted time, leaving you scrambling to get out of the office before something else kept you. Sir Dipshit was just exiting his office as you scurried away. Now, you just need the fucking doors to close before you get stuck with him…

Luckily, they glide shut just as he rounds the corner. Exhaling slowly, you rub your forehead. You’ve been nursing a headache since early afternoon. All you want to do is get the hell out of this building so your skin can stop crawling.

A few minutes later, you are out in the parking lot. Seonghwa is waiting by his shit heap of a car, typing on his phone and doesn’t see you. Your heart skips a beat when you see him which you steadfastly ignore. We’re just friends, you scold yourself.

“Hey,” You say and he looks up, smiling. “Sorry I was late. I got stuck on a call.”

“It’s no problem,” He replies as the two of you get inside his car.

After snapping in your seatbelt, you watch as Seonghwa curls his hands around the steering wheel. Your thighs clench at the sight and you wish that it could be possible to wrangle yourself under control. But you want him so badly that all you can think about is if he is going to kiss you or touch you or –

“How was your day?” He asks casually, clearly oblivious to what is on your mind.

“Fine,” You mumble, not wanting to say more in case you start complaining about how much you’ve hated work lately.

As the car comes to a halt at a red light, he looks over at you. “How long have you been working here? I know you were already working here when I started two years ago.”

“Six years or so.” Wow, has it really been that long?

“When did you start experiencing burn out?”

“What?”

Seonghwa blinks behind his large glasses. “Your…work burnout. Sorry, am I overstepping?”

“N-no, I just…haven’t thought of it like that before. I mean burn out from what? Having a steady, good paying job? I’m just in a rut.”

“Alright,” You get the feeling he wants to say more but he is holding back, “When did the rut begin?”

The light turns green and Seonghwa turns his attention back to the road as you reply, “Maybe…a year or so ago. It just keeps growing though. And I don’t know how to get out of it. I worked really hard to get to this spot and I still have more of the corporate ladder to climb so I’m annoyed with myself for feeling so disengaged. I hate going. I hate being there. I hate walking into that lobby and I hate how slow the elevator is. I hate how cramped the cubicles are cuz the company is too cheap to get a bigger building. I hate how disorganized everything is and I hate how everything, every single day, is the same. I hate that I have hours of nothing to do and I have to pretend to look busy. I hate how much Sir Dipshit talks and the stupid work events we need to attend or we won’t hear the end of it. I hate how when I am not at work, I spend every moment dreading going to work. And I hate how pointless it all feels.”

You blink, realizing that you’ve gone on a gigantic rant while Seonghwa drives. But you’ve never actually stated these things aloud to anyone before and the words hang heavy in the car.

“Can I be honest?” He says after a moment.

“Uh, yeah, sure.”

“That doesn’t really sound like a rut. It sounds like burnout combined with maybe just straight up hating your job.”

“I don’t hate it,” You say weakly, knowing how absurd that sounds.

Seonghwa shoots you a glance out of the corner of his eye. “I think you used the word ‘hate’ numerous times in that speech.”

“Right but…you don’t feel that way about your job?”

“No. I mean, some days sure, I don’t want to go in. That’s normal. No different than being a kid and not wanting to go to school. But I go, and when I leave, it’s just out of my mind. I focus on other things that give me joy. What do you do to relax from work?”

The question is such a normal one that you’re horrified when nothing comes to mind. “I…watch TV.”

“What are your hobbies?”

“I like to read…although I haven’t really read a book in awhile.” Wow, your answers are dismal. “I just never have the energy for anything.”

“It’s hard to make time when we work so much. But it’s still important to do stuff that has nothing to do with work. We don’t just exist to be at our jobs. We need to do other things too. Things we find enjoyable.”

Well, I was enjoying myself yesterday, you think but stop yourself from saying. You get the feeling Seonghwa isn’t talking about sex being the only outlet from work.

He makes a right turn and the bar comes into view. You can see your car parked and tell Seonghwa that it is yours. He parks next to it, shifting his body to look at you. He looks serious.

“Maybe this job worked for you years ago. But it’s okay if it doesn’t fit the current you.”

At this, you protest, “Wrong. I worked way too hard for this job. I dragged my ass through the dullest business courses at school and landed an annoying internship right out of college. This is what I’ve been working for.”

“Okay, you’ve been working towards it but is it what you want?”

You are starting to feel disgruntled and aren’t sure why. “What do you mean?”

“A lot of the times, we just go after something because we are told we’re supposed to want it either by parents, or society or whoever. But in quiet moments, we should think about what we want. If this job no longer aligns with what you want, then there is no harm in looking for new work.”

“No way,” You scoff, “I’ve worked too hard for this.”

“Alright,” Seonghwa relents, “I don’t mean to be pushy but I had a friend deal with a job he hated and it sucked the soul right out of him. I just wouldn’t want that to happen with you.”

Curiously, you ask, “What happened with your friend?”

“Wooyoung worked in the same line as me, just at another company. Eventually, he hated it so much that he quit on the spot with no work lined up. He didn’t know what he wanted, just that he couldn’t stand working in a cubicle anymore.”

“And now?”

“Runs a little tarot shop in the historic district.”

“Wow, that’s a big change.”

“He always dabbled in that stuff for fun but he said he got…some dream or something one night about running a shop like that. Saw himself happy with a blossoming clientele in some city where he was working alongside our mutual friend San. It was enough to prompt him to make some changes. Gave him some clarity.”

You chew on this for a moment. But when you think of the future, all you see is your cubicle. Making any sort of drastic change like that seems impossible. Besides, like you said to Seonghwa, you worked so hard for this. Why ruin it just because you don’t like it? Almost everyone hates their job now. It’s completely normal to hate your job, right?

“Well, thanks for dropping me off. I appreciate it.” You are anxious to get away from Seonghwa if only because it feels as if he really sees you which is gratifying but also unnerving at the same time.

“One more thing,” He says quickly, “Uhm, well. I was wondering if you’d like to come to the movies with me tomorrow night.”

Your hand had been on the door handle but now you look over your shoulder at him. In the setting sun, the orange hue reflects on his blonde hair at a slant, making it look golden. There is something so soft and inviting about Seonghwa, something you didn’t notice about him until you actually spoke to him because of the rumor.

“What movie?”

“Well, this week the theatre in old town is showing the Star Wars movies and tomorrow night is The Empire Strikes Back. I’m too tired to go tonight for A New Hope but if you’d like to come with me tomorrow…”

You think you saw the movie randomly a long time ago because a vague memory of a ship flying around an asteroid field comes to mind. If it were anyone else but Seonghwa, the refusal would come quickly and easily. But…

“Sure. What time?”

“Be there around 7:30. I’ll wait out front for you,” He looks relieved as if he was expecting a rejection, “Do you have my number? I know we’re supposed to have everyone’s numbers because we’re on the same team but I wasn’t sure…”

You scroll through your phone, surprised to realize that you do in fact have Seonghwa’s number. To your chagrin, you had put the nerd emoji after his name.

“Oh, I do have it.”

“Okay. I have yours so just text me if anything comes up and you can’t make it.”

“Alright,” You push open the door, stopping briefly to look one last time at him, “Thanks again.”

You take note of the fact Seonghwa makes sure you get in the car, that it turns on okay, and you drive out of the parking lot before he pulls out of the space.

This isn’t a date. You’re just going to see some Star Wars movie with the nerdy guy from your office. Who is your friend. Who gave you two amazing orgasms but has not indicated that he would like to continue anything further.

You’re parked in front of the theatre, hands gripping the steering wheel, mentally bolstering yourself for the night ahead. You have successfully managed to overthink the entire Seonghwa situation, including the fact that since the events the other night, there has been no forward motion on anything else.

Maybe he didn’t have fun, you think, turning off the car and getting out. I mean, you’re just assuming he did and that it would lead to more but you haven’t exactly asked him and he hasn’t said anything about enjoying it. Wow, I really need friends. I wonder if Seonghwa has mentioned me to his fellow group of nerds or if he’s too shy. Or maybe he hasn’t mentioned me because what happened before isn’t that rare of an occurrence and I am just assuming it is because he’s a nerd. Maybe in reality he sleeps around a lot. I mean, he’s handsome. I mean that in a handsome but not in my type of handsome sort of way. You know –

“Oh, hey, you’re here,” Seonghwa says, relieving you of your exhausting and never ending mental monologue.

“Worried I would change my mind?”

“Maybe just a little,” He replies bashfully.

Seonghwa is wearing slacks and a black sweater which hangs off his slender frame. He looks comfortable and warm. You’re glad that you didn’t dress up because as far as you know, this is just a casual night out with a friend and nothing more.

“Well, I’m here,” You gesture to yourself.

Seonghwa pushes up on his glasses and smiles. Together, you walk into the theatre which is pretty quiet. It didn’t appear as if people were storming the building to watch The Empire Strikes Back. This is confirmed when you go into the theatre itself and only a handful of people are inside.

Taking your seats, the movie starts soon after. Seonghwa seems to be engrossed immediately, his eyes staring at the screen with rapt attention. You wonder how many times he’s seen this film. His hand is resting on his knee and you are fighting the urge to reach for him. But something stops you – maybe it is that Seonghwa is glued to the movie, maybe it is because you just aren’t sure if that would be making things too date like, or perhaps it is because secretly you’re afraid of his rejection. Regardless of the reason, you keep your hands to yourself.

At some point in the film, you lean over to ask a question and Seonghwa tilts his head in your direction. “Where’s that blue guy?”

“What?” Seonghwa sounds baffled.

“The blue guy with the red eyes. He was on the cover of your book,” You whisper.

The corners of his mouth quirk up as he fends off a smile. He turns to look at you. One side of his face is doused in the colours of the cloud city on the movie screen, making his hair glow.

“He’s not in the movies,” Seonghwa whispered back.

You make a noise of understanding and mild confusion. But he is still staring at you in a way that is making your insides turn. For a split second, you think that Seonghwa is going to lean forward and kiss you. It hits you with a heavy intensity that you desperately want him to kiss you. No, not just kiss you. You want his hands back on you. You want him naked against you and you want him inside you.

Seonghwa turns back to the screen then, leaving you with a fast beating heart and a swooping feeling in your stomach that you can’t believe is connected to the nerdy guy watching Star Wars with you.

“It’s Thrawn,” Seonghwa says afterwards as you exit the theatre together.

“What?”

“The guy on my book cover. It’s Thrawn. In the 90s, he started out as the main villain in a trilogy of books set after the original trilogy of movies. That kinda started the entire expanded universe of Star Wars lore. Later on, it got retconned in the buyout of 2012 but they put him back in the canon later on cuz he’s such a fan favourite,” Seonghwa explains as you shiver in the colder night air.

“That explains why that book looked so well worn,” You muse.

He looks sheepish. “Yeah, I’ve read that trilogy a lot. I know it’s not canon anymore but…well, I’ve read it so much now that it’s comforting. I like to go back to it every few years. But there’s new canon books about him too that I’ve read.”

“I miss feeling that way about books,” You mumble, “Like finding them comforting, reading a book for an entire afternoon or something and doing nothing else.”

“You should pick up an older book like that. One you used to like. Maybe that would help you to relax and not think about work.”

“Maybe,” You pause for a moment before going, “I don’t think about work when I’m with you though.”

Surprise flickers across Seonghwa’s face and then he looks down at his feet for a second. You feel embarrassed at your admission, wondering if it is going to make him uncomfortable. You had already drunkenly told him that you felt safe around him even though you only got to truly know him in the past week.

Although you want to be quiet, your mouth seems to have other plans. “I feel disconnected with everyone else at work. I don’t know if it’s just because how I feel about the job in general or what. But I don’t think I can talk to them like I talk to you. I know that sounds silly because we only just started talking but…” You trail off, unsure how to finish.

Seonghwa takes a step towards you and the space in between your bodies close. You shiver again as the wind kicks up. Tentatively, he reaches out with his hands and brushes his fingers along your arms. Goosebumps break out across your skin.

“Are you cold? I might have an extra hoodie in my car.”

“I’ll be okay,” You say, your breath catching at the touch.

His hands linger there for a moment before Seonghwa pulls away, looking unsure. He looks as if he has something he wants to say but isn’t sure how to word it.

“Thanks for inviting me,” You say, trying to turn the conversation away from your admission, “Star Wars isn’t really my thing but I still had fun.”

“I did too.” His nerves radiate off him, an energy that is brimming just underneath the surface.

But Seonghwa doesn’t kiss you nor make any sort of move and you’re too in your head to do anything about it. You take a step backwards, giving him a small wave.

“I’ll see you tomorrow then?”

“Right, yeah, tomorrow. Uhm…” He swallows, “Text me when you get home so I know you’re alright.”

The words threaten to make your cheeks warm but luckily it is too dark for Seonghwa to see. “Okay.”

He nods and you turn around, walking to your car. You can feel his eyes on your back. You’re struggling with the random assortment of emotions bouncing around in your brain. It’s confusing to want Seonghwa this much even though you don’t understand what draws you to him. You want him to make a move but he doesn’t seem like the type to do so because he’s so shy or he’s lost interest in you physically. All you know is what started out as curiosity over a rumor seems to be shifting into just simply wanting him.

“What’s up with you talking to Seonghwa so much? You still thinking about that rumor?”

You’re at the coffee shop with your coworkers for lunch hour. After suffering through a long meeting this morning with Sir Dipshit, time is crawling along. You’re missing the times when your coffee break used to perk you up. Now, nothing seems to soften the blow of the long days.

Your coworkers are all staring at you like you’re a fish in an aquarium. You shift awkwardly in your chair. “Yeah, I was thinking about it when I first approached him. But not so much anymore.”

“Yeah cuz like I said he’s boring,” Your gossipy coworker interjects, “I talked to him at the work party thinking maybe there was something I’m missing about him but there obviously isn’t. He was talking about some…video game called Animal Crossing. I think that regional manager was lying about how good he is in bed cuz she can’t believe she slept with him.”

You want to defend Seonghwa but you also don’t feel like talking about him eating your pussy out like a pro. The thing between you and Seonghwa feels private, something that doesn’t belong to work – the only thing currently in your life that doesn’t feel tied to work which is funny given the fact the two of you are coworkers.

On top of that, you aren’t even sure of your own feelings for Seonghwa. What started out as curiosity shifted to straight up desire and now it’s shifting yet again. You’d rather fake your own death and flee the country than invite any discussion of that with your coworkers.

“He’s cute if you can look past his gigantic glasses,” Another coworker chimes in, “But I’m not dating a guy into Legos.”

“Wasn’t your ex one of those guys who painted his face before a sports game?” You say in a pointed tone.

“Uh…yeah?”

“Some people might argue that is more of a turn off than Legos.”

This flusters your coworker and also signals a shift away from Seonghwa into shit talking the mentioned ex. You lean back in the chair, the conversation sliding through your head like water. You’re thinking about Seonghwa’s friend and how he started his own store. But I have no experience in that. And what type of store would I even run? You drum your fingers against the table, mentally scolding yourself for even thinking such a thing. You didn’t work this hard or for this long just to leave your cushy job cause it’s boring.

Maybe if you keep telling yourself that, it will eventually click.

Later that evening, you’re staring at the TV but not really thinking about the show. You have wandered to the existential dread you’ve been experiencing every night before going to bed because of work looming the next day. On top of that, your mind flickers to Seonghwa as you sort through your attraction and how much you like spending time with him. There is something quiet about him, a stillness in his centre of someone completely at ease with himself, his hobbies and his job – all things currently that you do not possess.

You’ve been steadfastly trying not to think about the morning he went down on you but you’re losing the battle tonight. Laying among the pillows on your bed, you are picturing the way his tongue looked against your clit, the sensation of his fingers in you and how his voice sounded while talking dirty.

You’re wet now and fighting the urge not to throw caution to the wind and ask if Seonghwa wanted to fuck. We had an entire discussion about the rumor. Would he be so surprised if I brought it up again? But you’re still unsure if he has changed his mind since –

Your phone buzzes and to your surprise, Seonghwa’s name appears alongside a text. You feel caught as if he somehow knew you were thinking about him and unlock your phone to read the message.

“Are you busy?”

“No,” You type back, “Just watching TV. Is something wrong?”

The three dots pop up and disappear multiple times. You’re on edge now, wondering what in the world Seonghwa could be struggling with that takes so long to send.

After a minute, his reply finally pops up. “I’m sorry if I am out of bounds but there’s just something on my mind.”

You sit up straighter, eyes glued to your phone as the dance of the three dots continues. You wish he would type faster but he keeps stopping and restarting. You wonder if the stuff your annoying coworkers at lunch has somehow gotten back to him and he’s mad at you not defending his pussy eating skills or something. You immediately feel silly for thinking such a thing as Seonghwa doesn’t give off any energy that he’s the sort of person who would want you defending his sexual prowess.

Finally, Seonghwa’s message appears. “I was just wondering if you’re still interested in the rumor about me.”

You stare at the words in surprise.

Seonghwa immediately starts typing when you don’t reply after five seconds, sending multiple messages in rapid fire succession until it fills your screen. “I completely understand if you’ve changed your mind after what went on between us on Sunday morning. If it wasn’t pleasurable for you or if just simply hanging out around me made you lose interest in doing anything else. I know we are friends even if we decide not to bring anything else physical into it. I’ve just spent the last few days overthinking it because we’ve been alone a couple of times since then and nothing has happened. I know I’m not very good at making the first move because I grow nervous and I get in my head a lot. And frankly, my friends are sick of hearing me drone on about it and Hongjoong told me just to call and ask. But calling is giving me a lot of anxiety so I’ve settled for texting. But now that I’ve started this conversation via text I am worried that it is coming across as deeply impersonal for a matter like sex. Should I call? Would it be weird to call about this? Would it make you more uncomfortable to talk about it on the phone or through texts? Wow, sorry, I’ve really typed a lot. I’ve mentioned before I can talk a lot. Type a lot? I’m done now, sorry.”

You stare at the message, feeling both relief that you have both been overthinking and a certain giddiness at the fact Seonghwa is bringing this up.

But you don’t want to add to his anxiety so you try to type as quickly as possible. “I’m still interested in the rumor. I just wasn’t sure if maybe what happened on Sunday had you change your mind or maybe it wasn’t as enjoyable for you as it was for me.”

Seonghwa’s reply is hurried and you can feel the slightly panicked energy on the other side. “It was enjoyable for me! Like I said, I’m not good with making any first moves. Someone either has to be blunt with me or it has to be so extremely obvious of their interest or I end up second guessing myself. On Sunday, you were so honest about…everything that it was hard to misunderstand things. But since then, I thought maybe you just simply changed your mind.”

You chew on your bottom lip, zoning in on the phrase about being blunt. Throwing caution to the wind, you type out, “Would you like to stay over Friday night?”

Immediately, the response appears.

“Yes, I’d like that.”

You exhale slowly, running your fingers over your skirt. Seonghwa is due to show up any minute now and you can’t help the butterflies in your stomach.

The rest of the week hadn’t been awkward, exactly, but all your small interactions with Seonghwa felt emotionally charged. Both of you knew what was going to happen come Friday night and you thought the whole office must have sensed it. It was in every lingering gaze Seonghwa sent your way, in the manner that you would walk past his cubicle just to see him, and how he would make you a cup of coffee in the breakroom and brush his hand against yours while handing it over.

On top of that, you gave up on not thinking about Sunday and masturbated to Seonghwa every night that week. Your desire for him was at fever pitch, eclipsing everyone else you’ve ever wanted. You were desperate to know if he fucked as good as he ate pussy.

You aren’t playing coy tonight. If Seonghwa worked the best with someone being blunt, then you were wearing the equivalent of a bludgeon. Your skirt ended just under your ass, knee high socks with a small bow at the top, and your shirt is low cut, exposing cleavage. The entire outfit is black although your matching bra and underwear are a deep red. There is nothing subtle about the outfit. This makes you nervous at being so forward but exhilarated at how open you are.

A sudden knock on the door breaks you out of your thoughts. You slowly walk over to the door, taking a second to collect yourself and then you open it.

Seonghwa stands there, in black slacks again and a form fitting simple white t-shirt. A black bag is slung over his shoulder. You don’t think you’ve ever seen him in just a short sleeved t-shirt before. The sight of his exposed arms sends a jolt through you. Wow, he really is fit, you think as your eyes drag across his well toned arms down to his flat stomach. The fabric of the shirt is thin enough that you can just make out hard muscles underneath. His waist is slender, almost dainty, and a belt hangs off his hips loosely.

“H-hey,” You say, trying to collect yourself.

Seonghwa looks as if you popped out of the front door with a baseball bat. His eyes rake across your body so openly that you don’t think he is even aware he’s doing it. He looks slightly dazed, and when he notices how short your skirt is, he swallows hard. There is a touch of colour on his cheeks and his eyes are wide behind his big glasses.

“Uh, hi,” He manages to squeak out, “How are you?” His tone is formal but he is squeezing the strap of his bag so hard that his knuckles are white.

“I’m alright. Come in,” You move to the side and Seonghwa enters so nervously that you think of a timid deer in the woods, “You want anything to drink?”

“Just water, please.”

You nod and turn around to head towards the kitchen. You can practically feel Seonghwa’s slack jawed stare at the skirt brushing against the bottom of your ass as you leave. Once in the kitchen, you try to slow down the fast beating of your heart. You didn’t think seeing him would throw you so off balance. But you’re already wet.

When you return to the living room, Seonghwa is sitting on the couch, looking incredibly nervous. You hand him the glass and sit down next to him. His eyes drop to your exposed thighs and he gulps down half the glass immediately before angling his body to face you.

“Can I be honest with you?”

For a second, you suddenly worry that he has changed his mind. Too afraid to speak, you merely nod.

“I’ve never come over to someone’s place with the knowledge it’s going to be for sex so I am out of my element and I’m kinda worried I am just going to…blank out and forget how to…do…everything.”

The admission is endearing, the flustered way Seonghwa is squirming even more. It is jarring because this is something that normally would not be a turn on. Everything about Seonghwa takes you by surprise – from the rumor down to how much you want to sleep with him.

“We don’t have to –”

He interrupts swiftly, “No, I want to. Trust me, I want to. I just…have had a lot of time to overthink.”

You lean back on the couch, grabbing the remote. “So, we won’t just jump into it. We can just watch TV. You’re staying the night. So…there’s no hurry.”

Seonghwa relaxes slightly, some of the tension easing out of his shoulders. He still sits a bit stiffly though and you can almost see him overthinking everything. From this angle, your eyes trace the muscles in his back, the way the t-shirt lays against his skin and the curve of his neck.

After about ten minutes of idly watching some boring cooking show, you speak up, “I’ve never seen you in like…a short sleeved t-shirt before.”

Seonghwa looks down at his torso for a second before going, “Oh…I guess you’re right.” He looks mildly confused, unaware of the impact a simple white t-shirt can have.

“Didn’t think you’d be working out that much,” You can’t help it – you’re teasing him.

And it works. His face turns red as he sputters, “My friend Jongho takes it seriously so I tag along with him most times.”

“You seem to keep quite the busy schedule between work, your friends and all your hobbies,” You say, thinking about how your own free time is spent dreading work, “Hey, weren’t you watching those Star Wars movies in the theatre this week? Are you missing one tonight?”

Seonghwa leans back on the couch and tilts his face to look at you, his expression a bit shy. “Uhm, yeah, I am missing one tonight. It’s really not that big of a deal.”

“Are you sure?”

“Yeah, it’s Attack of the Clones tonight,” He says as if that means anything to you, “I mean I’ve seen them all a thousand times so it’s alright to miss some. Besides,” Seonghwa looks nervous now, “I would rather uh…be here with you.”

You want to make a joke about how having sex with you wins out over Star Wars but he looks so delicate in his attempt to flirt that you decide against it. Instead, you reach over and take his hand, holding it gently. Seonghwa swallows again, his eyes dropping to your exposed thighs.

He shifts his weight, leaning forward a little, his eyes asking a question that you’re happy to give an affirmative answer to. You meet him in the middle, your lips touching his lightly at first. His hold on your hand tightens from nerves and then he is kissing you like he did before in that manner that makes your stomach swoop and body stir with desire.

His hand breaks free of its hold on yours so that he can run it up along your thigh, touching the fabric of your skirt. His breath hitches as his other hand comes down on your thigh. He trails his fingertips along your skin, making you shiver. Seonghwa doesn’t stop doing that as he begins to kiss along your jaw and down your neck. You don’t think you’ve ever been so wet before just from someone barely touching your thighs and kissing you.

“Do you wanna come to my room?” You breathe out shakily.

“Yes,” He says seriously in between kissing your neck.

“Your phone isn’t gonna interrupt us this time?”

Seonghwa laughs a little and shakes his head. “I put it on silent. The office could burn down and I’d have no idea.”

Relieved, you pull away and stand up although your legs already feel like jelly. Seonghwa takes your hand and trails after you into your bedroom. The curtains are still pulled back from the windows which open onto a small balcony. Your apartment is large, modern and expensive. At the time, it had been exciting to be able to afford such a place. Now, you’re too miserable to enjoy it and not entirely convinced it fits who you are anymore. But tonight, those worries and concerns don’t matter because you’re here with Seonghwa.

You cross the room to close the curtains, feeling Seonghwa staring at your ass. The short skirt seems to be impacting him in the way you hoped. When you turn back around, he is already walking towards you. He reaches for your waist, pulling you against him with such an intensity that it takes your breath away.

His lips are back on yours and his hands slide down, bunching the skirt in the palms of his hands as he grips your ass. You make a small noise of surprise in his mouth, feeling a large bulge against your thigh. Your hands move to the bottom of his shirt and pull it upwards, the kiss breaking so you can toss it off him.

Your hands move down his chest, feeling the hard muscles underneath before circling around his slender waist. Seonghwa is nipping at your neck with his teeth, his hands going underneath the skirt to remove your underwear. You realize he wants the skirt and knee high socks to stay on and you feel secretly pleased that he enjoys them that much.

Once your underwear joins his shirt on the floor, you move backwards towards the bed, your hands fumbling with the button on his pants at the same time Seonghwa is trying to take off your shirt. It ends up being a collision of limbs and the two of you accidently thunk your heads together.

Seonghwa laughs and then takes a step away from you. “S-sorry, I guess I got a little overly excited.”

“Me too,” You say, taking note of how fast your heart is racing.

Seonghwa stares at you for a few seconds, his cheeks a bright red. His hair is tousled, his pants unbuttoned. In the gentle lighting of the bedroom, you take in the sight of his toned chest and stomach, your pussy so soaked it is like your brain has simply shut off and retired for the night.

You reach up for his glasses, your hands hovering over them. “We kinda made a mess on these last time. Do you…”

“No, I don’t need them. My vision is worse far away and you’re…well, you’re very close,” He murmurs.

You remove his glasses gently, stepping away from Seonghwa to put them on the top of your dresser. With your back still to him, you pull your shirt off over your head and turn to face him. His breathing has quickened as you take your place in front of him. This time, you go for his shirt as he stares at your bra. His skin is hot to the touch as if the nerves and desire are buzzing around just underneath his skin.

It takes you a second to once again admire his body, taking note of how good he looks; certainly the last thing you expected from nerdy Seonghwa. You drag one finger down along his stomach, stopping at the top of his pants.

“W-wait,” He says suddenly and your hand freezes, wondering if he has decided against sleeping together.

You don’t think you’ve ever had so much anxiety about someone opting out of sleeping with you until this whole thing began with Seonghwa. Frozen in place, your gaze flicks upwards at him.

Seonghwa looks embarrassed as he stammers out, “We can’t just – what I mean is…going right into it. We can’t. Not that I don’t want to,” He says quickly, “I do but you’re just – and I’m…” He takes a steadying breath. “You’re too tight for me. Right now. I have to get you ready.”

You blink, staring at him in surprise and fine, maybe a jolt of excitement. The rumor of his big dick comes back to you full force and your eyes instinctively drop down to the bulge in his pants.

“Is that what you were doing last time?” You ask curiously, remembering how his fingers in you and telling you that your pussy was tight.

“Well, I did want to go down on you. But once my fingers were in you, I realized…you know?” Seonghwa is nervous, making you wonder how many times he’s had this conversation in the past, “So let me help.”

If by help he meant making you feel that good again, you weren’t about to disagree. His hands slink up along your lower back up to the clasp of your bra which he undoes, peeling the fabric off your skin to expose your tits. His warm hands grope them, his thumbs grazing your nipples to watch the way you shiver from the touch. He brings his head down to your neck, lips against your skin. Even though you’ve been daydreaming for days about bouncing on his cock, you are quickly lost in the touches given by him.

Seonghwa gently pushes you against the bed, indicating for you to sit down. As you do so, he slides to his knees, his large hands gripping your thighs to spread them apart. Exposed in front of him again, wearing just your skirt and knee high socks, you normally would feel nervous. But instead, you’re lost in the sight of Seonghwa’s broad shoulders, his long fingers pressing against your skin and how his eyelashes are dark smears against his cheeks as he looks at your cunt.

Bringing his face forward, his tongue dips into your wet hole with an almost lewd slurping noise. You can feel his tongue probing your entrance to taste you, his hands still holding your thighs apart. Then Seonghwa drags his tongue upwards to flick against your clit, causing you to gasp.

One hand moves off your thigh. You watch as he brings one finger to your entrance, pushing it carefully inside your tight hole. He pumps it slowly while rolling his tongue over your sensitive nub. Your chest rises and falls quickly with each movement of his finger and tongue, soft whimpers tumbling from your lips. Still, you remain propped up to watch Seonghwa, his eyes closed as he works on your pussy.

Gingerly, he inserts a second finger. Still pumping his fingers at a leisurely pace, he switches to using the tip of his tongue against your clit like last time. It feels good, incredibly good, and your head rolls back a little as you moan out his name. He makes a small noise that sounds like a sigh when you do so, wiggling his fingers deep in your cunt.

You’re somehow going to climax already. You aren’t sure how Seonghwa can get you off so fast. Your thighs shake and he keeps his other hand steady on your skin so that you can’t close your legs. The tip of his tongue feels delicious against your swollen clit, his fingers making a soft squishy noise with each pump.

And then you’re cumming, your juices against his fingers, his tongue still flicking hard and fast against your clit. You fall back on the bed, no longer attempting to prop yourself up to watch, as your orgasm takes over. Seonghwa slows down his tongue as you wiggle against his fingers, wondering what it would be like to be stuffed with him.

Even after your orgasm quiets, Seonghwa doesn’t stop moving his fingers. Instead, he murmurs, “That’s good. I’m going to add another finger and then you’re going to cum again.” His tone isn’t forceful or demanding – it is just matter of fact.

Woozily, you go, “What?”

“You heard me,” He hums quietly and then a third finger pushes into your cunt, “There you go, baby, take my fingers just like that.”

You want to tell him you’ll do anything if he keeps talking to you in that tone but words seem to be eluding you at the moment.

Seonghwa’s fingers are buried as far as they can go in you. He fucks you with them slowly, letting you recover from your orgasm. You can hear how wet you are.

“Such a tight little hole. You’re going to be stuffed with my cock,” Seonghwa continues quietly, “But you’ve been…you’ve been thinking about that anyway, haven’t you?” He sounds a little shy with the question, as if he’s seeking affirmation and is hiding it behind dirty talk.

“Y-yes,” You breathe out as his speed slightly increases.

“Been thinking about my cock in you?”

“Yes,” You repeat and his fingers feel so good that when his tongue goes back against your clit, you groan, your hand suddenly in his hair, gripping it in such a way that you can hear him grunt in approval, “Ever since I heard the rumor,” You admit.

Seonghwa’s fingers move faster now. He doesn’t respond since he is too busy sucking on your clit in a way that makes your brain feel as if it is melting. Every few seconds he stops to wiggle his fingers inside you before resuming fucking you with them. You think you might be moaning his name – or it might be literal gibberish, you aren’t exactly sure. But Seonghwa doesn’t stop, just makes noises of approval when your hips buck and your grip on his hair tightens.

Somehow, you’re going to cum again already. The entire situation feels a bit ridiculous: that someone you looked over a thousand times due to how nerdy he is can make you cum like this, that you never want him to stop because it feels too good, and that you’re about to finish all over his face.

But you do, your climax just as intense as the one prior. Your back arches as you cum, enjoying how your juices coat his fingers as his tongue presses against your overstimulated clit. You’re suddenly grateful that your bedroom wall isn’t shared with a neighbor because you’re making way too much noise.

Breathless, your eyes close as your orgasm winds down. Seonghwa removes his fingers and you can hear him sucking them clean loudly. Your legs hang off the bed. You feel fucked out and you haven’t even started yet.

But it is the sound of Seonghwa unzipping his pants that finally makes you prop yourself up again. Seonghwa tugs his pants down his hips, exposing the top of his boxers. His hair is a mess from you gripping it and his face is smeared in your cum but he doesn’t seem to care. Good thing we took his glasses off, you think hazily.

His pants hit the floor, leaving him in just his boxers. The bulge strains against the fabric and when he finally pulls them down and his cock springs free, you realize 1. The rumor was true and 2. Seonghwa was correct in trying to prepare you for him.

“Fuck, okay,” You don’t realize you said this aloud until Seonghwa looks embarrassed.

“We don’t – I mean, if it’s too much,” He stammers out.

You can only stare at him incredulously at such a suggestion which only deepens the colour across his cheeks. You lean forward, curling your hand softly around his girth. He inhales sharply at the touch. Your hand looks positively small against the size of his cock. You aren’t even sure how much of it you could fit in your mouth but fuck if you aren’t going to try.

Sitting at the edge of your bed with Seonghwa in front of you, your head tilts back to look up at him. He looks pretty, you realize while staring at him. You supposed he was always pretty but you never took much notice of it due to his clothes and big glasses. It seems laughable now to think he has spent all this time wandering around the office and you’ve been clueless to what he’s like…including in bed.

Working up salvia in your mouth, you spit it out onto his cock, smearing it across the shaft. He exhales, eyes closing as you stroke him. You take the tip of his dick in your mouth, your tongue circling the tip slowly. Seonghwa groans softly as you take more of him. Your mouth opens wider to accommodate his size but it’s obvious from the start that you’re not going to be able to fit all of him. He seems to sense this because his eyes open, looking down at you.

Even so, your tongue presses against the underside of his shaft as you suck his cock. Drool quickly pools at the bottom of your mouth, spilling out at the corner of your lips. You are still looking up at him, admiring the way his facial expressions subtly change with each movement. He looks sexy, you think, in that messy, turned on sort of way where his calm and pleasant exterior is quickly being destroyed.

He makes a small whine in the back of his throat when you let his cock slip out of your mouth, covered in your drool and his precum. But when you slide back onto the bed and gesture for him to follow, he doesn’t waste a second.

Seonghwa’s body presses against yours as the two of you kiss. Your hands are on the back of his neck, the kiss a mess of cum and spit. One of his hands is squeezing your tit, groping you as your legs wrap around his waist. You can feel his big dick pressing against your pussy. You whimper in his mouth, a quiet plea for him to fuck you.

The kiss breaks. Seonghwa’s lips are slightly swollen from all the kissing. You realize at some point you must have bitten down on his bottom lip.

“We’re gonna go slow,” He murmurs, “And if it’s too much, just tell me.”

You nod although you have never been this determined in your life. Even the long hours at the office cannot compare to the determination of getting his big dick in you.

He adjusts his position, his cock pressing at your entrance. Carefully, Seonghwa pushes forward. Loosening you up earlier combined with drooling over his dick helps because you can feel the head of him enter easily. He slowly continues, giving your pussy time to get used to how thick and large he is.

It doesn’t take long to feel stuffed, your walls stretched out around his cock. Whenever your pussy tightens, Seonghwa stops. His breathing is shaky and you’re sure the only thing he wants to do is fuck you into the bed but he holds back.

You’re actually feeling pretty accomplished. In fact, the entire thing was easier than you had been expecting –

“Okay, that was halfway,” He says, and you can only stare at him.

“What?” You reply, feeling as if you couldn’t take another inch, “I thought…”

He grins, quick as a flash, before going, “You thought that was all of me?”

“I mean, I feel…uh, pretty full,” You say bashfully, “I just assumed…”

Seonghwa brings his body close to yours, his arms sliding underneath your back. Pressed against him, your legs tighten around his hips and another half an inch slides in. You gasp a little in surprise, your pussy tightening.

His lips are near your ear and he whispers, “Relax for me,” When you do so, he moves his hips ever so slightly so you can take more of him, “There you go, baby.”

You shiver, your hands gripping his shoulders as he sinks deeper into your cunt. Your pussy is absolutely stuffed and you can’t imagine fitting more of him inside you. But it also feels amazing, your entire body warm from the pressure of his cock.

“Fuck, you’re so tight,” Seonghwa grunts, going still for a moment, his head lowering and his hair brushes against your jawline, “Does it feel okay?”

‘Okay’ doesn’t seem like a good word to even describe how it feels for him to be inside you. Your fingers dig slightly into his shoulders as you reply, “Don’t stop.”

More of his cock slides deeper. You wiggle your hips experimentally, seeing if it helps. It does as more of his girth stretches out your cunt. Seonghwa sharply inhales, his hands pressed hard against your back to stop himself from bucking his hips.

You randomly think about all the times you’ve seen Seonghwa in the corner of your eye at the office, barely paying him any mind. He was just walking around work with a gigantic dick and I had no idea. If he hadn’t fucked that random regional manager, I still wouldn’t know.

“Seonghwa?” You ask in a shaky voice.

Seonghwa stops for a moment, pulling away from your neck to look at your face. “Everything okay?”

“Y-yes.” For some reason it’s harder to ask the question when he is looking at you. “You ever sleep with anyone else at work?”

“No!” He refutes quickly, “Did someone say I did?”

“No, no, I was just…wondering,” He is looking at you curiously so you keep going, “I was just thinking about how long we’ve worked together and that I didn’t – I mean, never heard anything about you having a big dick until that manager at the conference.”

“Right…” Seonghwa says slowly, clearly not following your train of thought.

You gingerly reach upwards to sweep his hair out of his eyes. He takes this chance to rock his hips slightly, more of his cock entering your tight hole to make you gasp.

“Just was thinking like…if I had known earlier. That’s all. But if you had slept with someone at work, it might’ve gotten around. Before now.”

Something shifts behind Seonghwa’s gaze and he laughs softly before curling back around you. He is slowly rocking his hips now and with one final push, you inhale sharply, feeling as if you’re going to burst.

“There,” He mumbles against your skin, “You took it all.”

It seems ridiculous to feel so pleased but you do. Seonghwa doesn’t stop his small movements. His teeth gently bite down on your earlobe and then he speaks again. “Are you saying you would’ve tried fucking me earlier?” His voice is low in your ear, tingling down your spine.

“Yes, I think so,” You mumble.

“Would’ve let me bend you over my desk?” He continues and the words combined with his dick are making your head go light, “After everyone else leaves, you would’ve pretended to need my help for something? And by the end of the night, you would have my cock stuffed in your tight hole, letting me fuck you until you were dazed and drooling?” As he talks, he continues to rock his hips, very steadily increasing the speed as your pussy gets used to being stuffed full of him.

The mental image is a vivid one. Hearing Seonghwa talk so dirty is turning you on even more. You curse quietly as your lips find his. There is nothing timid about this kiss, a sloppy and lustful mess as he begins to actually fuck you now. Your pussy is squeezing him so hard that you aren’t sure how he’s not cumming already. He can barely fit in your cunt but you’re so wet it doesn’t seem to matter.

When the kiss ends, your lips are still touching so each word of his next sentence feels like a soft kiss. “And then by the time I’m finished unloading in your cunt and you manage to stand up, I can see that you drooled all over the papers I keep on my desk because every single thought in your head is wiped clean from my big dick.”

Fuck, who taught the nerd to dirty talk? You think distantly. His thrusts are about as fast as he can go now without hurting you. Your pussy is not used to something this large but it doesn’t seem to be negatively impacting Seonghwa’s enjoyment. Your legs tighten around his waist as you try to move your hips to meet his. Seonghwa shifts his hands downwards, gripping your ass through the skirt now so he can drive his cock deeper.

The angle change means he’s hitting your sweet spot now. You’re groaning and gasping out his name as your juices spread all over his cock and out of your hole, being squished out of you from how big he is. Seonghwa’s eyes are closed, chasing his own orgasm as your third one of the night draws closer.

Your fingernails dig into his back, feeling his muscles move underneath your hands. He isn’t even fully thrusting, mostly rocking his hips at the highest speed your cunt can take. But he’s so big and you feel so stretched out around his girth, combined with the angle, and it doesn’t take much longer for your climax to hit.

Your pussy tightens around Seonghwa’s cock and he groans, biting down on your neck hard enough to leave a mark. You can feel him spilling out inside you, the way he’s making a mess in your cunt. It leaks out around his length because there is so much of it as the two of you cum together in a blur of noise and skin against skin.

Afterwards, Seonghwa carefully untangles himself from you, pulling out slowly. Your entire body feels like jelly as he plops down on the bed next to you, trying to catch his breath.

Well, you think, I guess I’ve figured out the entire rumor is true.

Seonghwa’s heart rate has slowed. You can tell because your head is resting on his chest. You are feeling sleepy and content which is the only reason you allowed yourself to snuggle up to him. It doesn’t matter that his fingers feel nice trailing along your neck or that he is warm and comfortable. It also doesn’t matter that you like how his toned stomach feels underneath your own hand. You’re just too tired to move off him.

Seonghwa has been talking about how he cosplayed as Anakin Skywalker at some convention two years ago with his friend, Mingi. His entire friend circle sounds like the nerdiest group of people on the planet. But there’s a happiness whenever he talks about his time around them, something that you cannot relate to, given that everyone got cut off for your career.

But you enjoy the lilt of his voice and the steadying presence of his body. If he was my type, he would be boyfriend material, you think, refusing to entertain any other idea that your brain might be trying to show you.

“Are you listening?” Seonghwa asks quietly, breaking you from your thoughts.

“Yes,” You reply, wiggling down against him with a yawn.

“You know who Anakin is, right?”

“Yes,” You are mildly affronted, “He’s the guy who taught Vader.”

“No, that’s Obi-Wan,” He sounds vaguely mortified, “It’s fine.” You aren’t sure if that is directed at you or himself.

“I wanna see this cosplay.”

“I have pics on my phone but please don’t make me get out of bed. I can show you another time.”

“But if you get out of bed, I can check out your butt.”

Seonghwa makes a strange squeaking noise of embarrassment. You tilt your face upwards to look at him. The two of you had cleaned up a bit after having sex but his cheeks seemed to have a permanent red hue to them. You find it endearing.

“Can I ask you something?” You want to see how red he can get. “Where did you learn to fuck like that?”

The colour on his cheeks deepens. He squirms a bit, unable to look at you directly. “W-what?”

“Where did you learn to fuck like that?” You repeat, taking great pleasure in Seonghwa’s nose scrunching up for a second. “I mean, sure the big dick is just bestowed upon you. But the pussy eating and the fingering and then making sure it’s not uncomfortable to take someone of your size and –”

“Okay, I get it,” He squeaks out, his face pleasantly red, “I get it.”

You drop the conversation, enjoying how flustered he looks. You lower your head back down onto his chest, yawning a little, eyes closing.

“I’m ah…glad that you like how I…do things,” He says and you can hear his accelerated heart rate in your ear.

“Do you date a lot?” This is just you being curious.

“Sometimes. My last relationship was maybe a couple of years ago. It just didn’t work out. She wanted to move and I wanted to stay here. Ever since then, I usually just go on some casual dates here and there. Sometimes, it leads to sex. There was a woman about eight months ago that almost turned into something but in hindsight we just liked sleeping together a lot. It became all we did when we hung out so it didn’t feel like we really knew one another. But you’re the first person I’ve done this…friends with benefits thing.”

“Right,” You mumble, disliking the weird twist in your stomach when he mentioned ‘friends with benefits’.

“What about you?”

“No. No time. My last relationship was four years ago. Sometimes I do a one night stand or a hook up here and there. But I’ve just been so busy with work that I think everything else sorta got sidelined.”

Seonghwa chews on this for a moment before asking, “Do you regret that?”

“I never did until recently. It feels like I’m regretting everything lately.”

“Including work,” He states this as a fact.

“Yeah, I guess so,” You brush it off, “But I don’t want to talk about work right now.”

“You’re not regretting…uhm…”

At this you laugh. “No, I am not regretting fucking you.”

Seonghwa relaxes underneath you. Sleep is tugging on you for attention now. You hold onto Seonghwa tightly, too tightly and if you weren’t so tired, you would be telling yourself to pull away, turn on your side and fall asleep. But he still makes you feel safe and you’re too tired to push that away.

You fall asleep against Seonghwa like that, with his heartbeat in your ear and his body against yours.

PART THREE HERE.

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trippinsorrows · 6 months ago

Text

with me + part five

authors notes: hi! you guys are so freaking awesome and sweet and like gawww, so grateful for such kind words and support!

so i realized that i used the wwe names for jimmy, jey, naomi, etc. that was my bad. i'll be using their real names moving forward for the sake of flow and consistency.

also keep forgetting to state that current timeline is 2023. like, this chapter is fall 2023. everything, so far, post breakup for joe and reader has been 2023. i plan to follow that timeline, so make of that what you will.

i hope this chapter isn't too boring to people!

warnings: fluff, language, suggestive content

song inspo: with me by destiny’s child

words: 5.7k

tags: @pixiedust4000 @southerngirl41 @yolobloggers @msbigredmachine @wonderingfashion

“So, are we just going to continue to ignore each other?”

You’re not sure how, but you sense his presence long before he even says anything. And instantly, your mood is dampened, not that you were in the best spirits to begin with. You didn’t get much sleep the night before, for reasons you cannot fathom. But, it’s annoying as hell, especially when you have an ex turned fuck buddy who can’t seem to get a fucking clue ready to confront you outside of your daughter's preschool.

Sighing heavily, you pull out your phone to play around with your lock screen, because you really don’t have anyone you need to message in this moment. But, he doesn’t need to know that. “Not now, Amir.”

“Because you’re so busy?”

“Because I don’t care.” One thing you’ve learned about yourself over the years is that once you’re annoyed with someone, there’s no filter on your mouth and you cannot be held liable for what comes out of it. “Now, please, go away.”

He just looks at you, sun shining down on his waves and chocolate complexion. It’s unfortunate outside of his looks that he’s an overall trash partner. Decent friend. Shitty boyfriend. “You always do that shit, you know? Pull and then push. It was kinda cute when we were kids. Now, it’s just annoying.”

You were standing outside of Callie’s preschool, waiting for the kids to be dismissed, waiting for your little girl to come running out with a smile on her face, request on the tip of her tongue. It’s usually something small like wanting to show you what she learned in school. Lately, it’s been the same.

Can I call Joe?

A part of you feels bad for the amount of calls he probably gets in one day just from Callie alone. She took your offer for her to call him whenever he was available to another degree, not that he minded. He took as many as he could, listening to her talk and talk about whatever happened to be on her mind in that moment. And you let her.

What kind of mother would you be if you stopped her from talking to her dad? Even if she doesn’t know that’s who he is.

It’s been almost two weeks since he left, and she clearly misses him. You often overhear her asking about when he’s coming again. You also receive those questions. It’s something you and him discuss via text but haven’t landed on a date yet.

Communicating with Joe is also something that’s still an adjustment. It’s not as difficult or uncomfortable, because it’s almost entirely about Callie, but still.

“If that’s the case, why do you bother?” You manage a less insensitive tone, even if you know good and well you’ve never led this man on. Amir has always heard and believed what he wanted to believe. That was the problem. He never listened to you.

“Because I fucking care about your annoying ass, duh.”

His delivery, the tone, and cadence. You laugh. It’s probably inappropriate at the moment, but it does bring a smile to his face as well. “Softie.”

He moves closer to you, arms crossed. “I’m serious, Y/N. You know how I feel about you. How I’ve always felt about you.”

Leaning against your car, you respond as calmly as you can, “and you know I’ve always made it clear I’m not looking for anything more. We had our time, Amir. It didn’t work out. Now we just help each other get off. I don’t know why you keep trying to make it more than what it is.”

“A date. One date,” he implores. A waste of time, because your answer is no. It’s been no and will continue to be no. “You haven’t even given ‘adult’ us a chance.”

There’s a headache in your near future, one that’s reminiscent of past ones only Amir seems to induce. It’s interesting how he went from indifferent asshole to clingy asshole. You almost miss the earlier version.

Chocolate was supposed to be good for the soul, so why was he so draining to yours?

“Amir…..” You try to pick your words carefully and be mindful of your tone. “This is getting real old. I think we need to stop messing around, because we’re clearly not on the same page.” The next part is something you probably shouldn’t share, but you call yourself trying to be open and clear. “Calista’s dad is back, and we’re trying to navigate coparenting, so—”

“What?” He stops you, shock written over his handsome face. “Are you serious? You’re letting that motherfucker back in ya’ll life?”

This time, it’s his tone that jumps, accusatory and harsh. You immediately grow defensive. “You don’t know him.”

“God, why do you defend him like this? Is it that Stockholm Syndrome shit? He left you. He left you and his kid. What kind of man does that? And you’re just letting him back in? Just gonna jump back on his dick? Letting him around Callie? She’s old enough now to remember when he decides to leave again. I don’t get how you don’t see that. You her mama. You supposed to look out for her.”

And now, you’re done trying to be nice, trying to be mindful that he’s still another human being with feelings. Because one thing you never have and never will tolerate is someone insinuating you’re not looking out for your daughter. You’re not perfect, but you know that you’re a devoted, dutiful mother.

“It’s obvious comprehension isn’t your strong suit, which I should have known based off the fact that I always had to help your dumbass do your homework back when we were in school.” All bets….off. “My baby? My life? My pussy? All my business. You don’t get to judge the decisions I make for my child nor the role that her father has in her life. That’s between me and him. Keep your nose out my fucking business. Don’t worry about me hitting you up anymore. That’s dead.”

Your rose will do just fine. Hell, there’s gotta be at least one other eligible bachelor in town you could fuck if absolutely need be. But, you know damn well you won’t be messaging Amir anymore. He comes with too much baggage. It’s not worth it. You refuse to let a nigga whose height starts with a 5 stress you out.

True to his nature, he starts gaslighting you. Typical Amir. “There you go overreacting and shit.”

“No, I��m not. You’re trying to question my parenting when you don’t know shit about shit.”

He sucks his teeth, rolling his eyes. This was why people used to say you had a temper in high school. Because of him. Because he loved to tell people what you said but never what he did. Always tried to make you feel crazy. Truth be told, you’re stupid for even opening that door with him again, even if it’s just for sex.

“Whatever, Y/N.” He turns to walk back over to his car. You really wish his damn sister would change her work schedule so she can pick up her son instead of this asshole. You’ll catch a case fucking with his dumbass. “I’ll wait for your text.”

He’ll be waiting. “Fuck you, Amir.”

You should be more mindful of your language at a damn preschool, but Amir has managed to get under your skin, something that hasn’t happened since you were in college. You know a good part of it is because you’re sleep deprived, but you also know it’s partially because of his dig at Joe.

You understand the optics seem to indicate that he’s a deadbeat, but you’ve expressed to Amir countless times that it was a complicated situation. He didn’t know the specifics, but you made it clear Joe didn’t abandon you or Callie. That’s just the narrative Amir keeps running with, and now with Joe being back in your life and especially in Callie’s life, you’re not gonna let it continue.

“Mommy!” Your head snaps to see and feel Callie run up to and hug her body against your leg. “Boo!”

Shit. Did she hear any of that? You hope not and paste on a smile that’s hopefully authentic enough to sell that everything is fine. “Callie Bear.” You lean down and pick her up, kissing her cheek. “Did you have a good day?”

She nods and starts explaining the activities while you buckle her into her carseat, trying your best to calm down and not give away your high stress levels in that moment. Callie is super perceptive, and you don’t want to ruin the obviously great day she’s had.

And sure enough, as you’re putting on your seatbelt and starting up the car, the golden question is shouted with pre-excitement.

“Can I call Joe when I get home?”

Smiling at her through the rearview mirror, you answer, “yes, you can.”

In the almost two weeks that have passed since Joe’s departure, not one day has passed that Callie doesn’t asks to call Joe or just outright helps yourself to her iPad to call him. Sometimes several times a day during the weekends. And she’ll talk to him for as long as she can, as long as he’s able to hold a conversation with her. You’ll give it to him, he’s done an exceptional job handling all of it. On some level, you wonder if you should set some restrictions or time parameters, but how do you limit how much a daughter interacts with her father?

Callie rejoices at your approval and requests for you to put on the Disney playlist you made specifically for her on Spotify.

The drive, no more than 10 minutes, consists of the two of you singing along to a few Disney tunes. It’s a bit of a tradition between you, a way to bond via your shared love of Disney. A love that ties not only you to her but to the women before you. Your mom and grandma.

Arriving to your apartment complex, you decide to leave your work bag in the car. It’s Thanksgiving break. You most likely won’t do any work until the day or two before having to return.

You do carry Callie on your hip and swing her bag around your shoulder, walking the two of you up to the second floor. Sometimes, you regret not accepting the apartment they had available on the first floor. The older you get, the less your joints like to cooperate, your almost 15 years of cheer probably taking a toll on your body.

And just age in general.

But your regret quickly turns to a level of gratitude when you reach your door.

“You’ve gotta be kidding me.”

Dropping Callie to the floor, she’s of the complete opposite reaction, gasping and smiling broadly.

“Look mommy, more boxes!”

The smile is strained but you manage to maintain it, sticking the key in the door, unlocking and pushing it open.

She walks in, and you place her bag on the floor near the door, one foot keeping it open. “What do you think it is?” She asks as you pick them up and bring them inside, kicking the door closed behind you.

You know exactly what it is. What it all is.

Gifts.

From Joe.

In his absence, you’ve had several deliveries waiting outside your door when you got home from work and picking Callie up. And all of them were for Callie, gifts of variable nature but all of them things she loves. Disney, stuffed animals, dolls. Essentially anything that could make a 4 year old feel like she’s won the lottery.

She’s literally bouncing on her toes, already with her kids scissors in her hands.

When the hell did she grab those?

“Can I open them, please? Please?”

A part of you wants to say no, save them for christmas gifts, though you’re almost entirely certain he’ll have another set of gifts for her then. And it seems almost cruel to make her wait over a month when she knows there are presents waiting for her.

“Sure, but….” You scamper into the kitchen and grab your adult size scissors, returning and showing her. “Let mommy cut them, and then you open them.”

You don’t need this child accidentally cutting herself. Again, medical bills are not in the budget, especially around the holidays. Money’s already tight to some extent.

Not that….not that it’d be much of an issue with Callie. You’d never fix your moth to ask Joe for anything, especially not financially, but if it was something involving your daughter, you’re pretty sure your tune would change. It would still bother you to ask for help, but you know he’d have zero qualms helping you out.

He’d probably pay for it in its entirety.

Your proposition pleases her. “Okay!” She places her scissors on the nearest flat surface and sits down, legs crossed, bouncing impatiently.

Chuckling, you glide your scissors across, careful not to open anything. You want to save that moment for her and your plan.

Once done, you place the scissors on the kitchen island and reach for your phone. “Wait before you open, baby.”

Immediately, she frowns and scowls, “whyyyyyy.”

Rolling your eyes, you sit on the floor too to be at her eye level and open Snapchat. “Okay, now.”

You hit record and watch intermittently through and outside of the screen as she opens the boxes, smile permanent and excitement palpable. She especially gets excited when she pulls out a freaking box of the new Little Mermaid and all of her sisters. More….dolls.

“Look, mommy!!!” She then grabs a doll who has a surprisingly similar complexion and curl pattern to hers, holding it against her face. “She looks like me!”

“She does,” you agree, realizing it’s a customized American Girl doll. Damn. Those things can run up to $200. You weren’t stupid, knowing Joe’s probably spent more money on Callie alone in two weeks than you’ve spent all year, but just how much has he spent?

It’s when she opens the final box, surrounded by nothing but toys and packaging that you’re already dreading having to stuff all this in your trash bin, “what do you say, baby?”

Callie hugs the American Doll close to her chest and directs to the camera, “thank you, Joe!” She gasps and adds on, “I miss you, but mommy said I can call you tonight!”

You hold back your giggle and agree, adding, “after she helps mommy clean up all this.”

Her smile drops, pout returning, “I hate cleaning.”

Snickering, you mutter, “you and me too, sis.”

You end the video, save it and enter Joe’s chat to attach the video, adding a message.

You: You’re spoiling her, Joe. 😫 This is the third delivery this week alone.

You’re able to clean up some of the packaging and throw it away before your phone chimes with his response. Callie has grabbed the amount you expected her to grab and discard. Her attention span is trash at the moment. She’s a child surrounded by toys. It’s expected.

Joe: She's my little girl. Of course, I’m gonna spoil her.

Joe: There should be another one by the weekend. If not, let me know.

You sigh aloud, this man is gonna have your place looking like freaking KB Toys.

You: Omg

You: ….You know I live in an APARTMENT, right? Just where the hell am I supposed to put all of this stuff?

It’s sweet he’s so keen on gifting her these things, but he also has to realize you’re not living in a mansion in Malibu. And despite having a child who leaves messes wherever she goes, you do your best to keep your place tidy.

If you didn’t know Joe, didn’t see how easily he connected with Callie, you’d maybe accuse him of trying to “buy” her love. But, you know that’s not the case, know that he clearly just wants to make her happy. You just hope he knows that he does that all by himself, no gifts needed.

Joe: She has a whole playroom.

You: Yes. Playroom, not Toys-R-Us.

Joe: 🤷🏽‍♂️

You: 🙄 You’re aggravating.

He doesn’t say anything after that, so you decide to finish cleaning because at some point your child wandered off, most likely to her playroom to add all her new stuff with her slightly new stuff. Taking advantage of the alone time, you also decide to text your mom to figure out thanksgiving plans. Specifically, what drink, dessert, and/or condiments she wants you to bring because you damn well know she won’t ask you to cook.

She still hasn’t forgiven you for that accidental fire that one year.

And it’s when you’re sitting on the sofa, also starting to think about black friday plans that your mind wanders, your anxiety grows out of nowhere.

You’ve taken the approach to not have any say in Joe’s relationship with Callie, to intervene only when absolutely necessary. And as that hasn’t hasn’t occurred, you’ve not done so. You let him and her do their thing. But a small part of you wonders if you should put some parameters around Callie. She calls him several times a day, Joe, who spends more time on the road than there are days in the year.

You know he wants to establish a relationship with her, but that can be done with boundaries. Anxiety getting the best of you, you grab your phone and shoot him a text.

You: Is it okay if she calls you today? I know it’s been a lot, and if too much, just let me know. I’ll talk to her.

His reply comes almost immediately this time around.

Joe: She can call me 100 times. I don’t care. I wanna talk to her.

And instantly, the anxiety is almost non-existent. Deep down, you know this is what he wants. He wants to have interaction with her, and incessant Facetime calls are the only option with his crazy schedule, so it’s what he takes. It’s what he wants.

Pleased and no longer stressing over an issue that was never an issue, you lock your phone and place it back at your side. A quick glance at the clock reminds you that it’s almost time for Callie’s bath.

A couple minutes later, your phone dings with a text notification. From Joe.

You open it right away.

Joe: This weekend. Don’t tell her. I wanna surprise her.

You have to read it a couple of times before it registers. He’s coming back in town. This weekend. As in less than two days. You’re excited at this, happy as well. For Callie. But also, for yourself. Why? You haven’t a clue, well, maybe there’s a slight clue, but you don’t want to acknowledge that right now.

You simply want to focus on the fact that you’re happy your daughter will be happy her dad is town.

Who cares that you will be too.

________

Joe’s just walked out the bathroom, having showered and almost entirely prepped for bed when his phone rings.

Moving over to the hotel nightstand, he’s surprised when he sees Callie’s smiling face filling his screen. A glance at the clock in the corner of his phone reads 11:06, which means it’s 9:06 her time. Well past her bedtime. What is she doing up?

Curious, and regardless, he answers the phone. It takes a second for the connection to finalize when it does, he’s instantly smiling, mostly because it’s Callie but also because of her setup.

It’s obvious she’s under a blanket, a flashlight in the corner illuminating the space, a stuffed animal in her lap.

She’s the first to speak, her voice both loud and hushed in a way only she can do. “hi!”

“Hi, sweetheart.” He can’t help but ask almost immediately, “what are you doing up?” As he told you, he’d talk to her 24/7 if he could. And even though this call is unexpected and appreciated, she’s also a 4-year-old kid who needs her sleep.

Her little shoulders lift in a shrug. “I can’t sleep.”

Nodding, he follows up with, “where’s mommy?”

“Sleeping,” she answers with a level of disappointment. “I don’t wanna wake her up. She had a bad day.”

“Really?” Joe moves around so he’s laying on the bed, on his side, phone propped on the nightstand. “How do you know?”

“Cause–cause she was yelling at Mr. Amir, and–and he was yelling at her too.”

Joe hasn’t a clue why, but that instantly upsets him. Who the fuck is this Amir person, and who the hell does he think he is to raise his voice at you? Around Callie of all people.

“Who is Mr. Amir?” Joe hates asking her all of these questions, but it’s also hard not to.

“The basketball coach at the school for big kids.” She’s caressing the fur of the stuffed animal in her lap. “Aunt Mariah said he was mommy’s boyfriend when she was a big kid.”

“Really.” It’s not really a question as much as it is a general statement. Joe doesn’t know why he’s suddenly annoyed, not with Callie, but the entire situation. And definitely this Amir person even more now. He’s an ex. He dated you. It shouldn’t make him feel any type of way, but it does, and he hates that shit.

He hates a man he’s never even met.

“I don’t like Mr. Amir,” Callie suddenly announces with a scowl. Same, kid. Same. Joe looks at her, seeing so much of you in her right now. He knows you’ve mentioned how you see a lot of him in Callie, but when she’s glowering like this, she’s 100% her mama’s daughter. “He made mommy mad today.”

“Has he ever been mean to you?” Joe has to ask, because he’s also realizing a part of him is upset at the thought of Callie being around men. You’re a grown woman and allowed to do what you want, but bringing men around Callie….that’s an absolute fucking no.

He doesn’t give a damn if he’s only been in her life for two weeks or two minutes. She’s his daughter, and outside of himself and family, who you date should be kept far away from his daughter.

Joe mentally prepares to have this conversation—potential argument—with you.

“No,” she answers, slightly calmer. “He doesn’t like Disney.” She says it like it’s a sin, like it’s almost inconceivable for anyone to not like Disney.

Playing along with this, Joe gasps, grateful for the distraction that is Callie’s intricacies. “He sucks.”

“Yeah, he sucks,” she agrees, nodding. Joe has to keep his smile to himself. “Do you say bad words?”

The randomness and topic change take him by surprise, but he’s learning that you weren’t exaggerating when you said Callie was filled with incessant, unrelated questions. “Sometimes.”

“Mommy does too,” she reveals. “Grandma says Jesus doesn’t want us to say bad words, but I heard grandma call Ms. Beverly from church a bitch.”

At that, Joe can’t help his laughter. Her delivery, the punctuation she puts on the word ‘bitch’, to how she seems to not even process that she’s just said a bad word. It’s hilarious. “Well, sometimes grown ups say things we shouldn’t, and you just make sure you’re not saying things you shouldn’t.”

“Okay,” she agrees, almost sheepishly. And then, a yawn. “I’m sleepy.”

Joe knew she was from the moment she called, but he had a feeling she just needed to get the whole Amir thing off her chest. She doesn’t seem like the child who likes to or even can hold things in, which is preferable. “You should try to go to sleep then, sweetheart.”

She wipes at her eyes, expression suddenly saddened. “When are you coming back? You’ve been gone a really long time.”

He’s torn in this moment, wanting to tell her that he’ll be there this weekend but also not wanting to get her hopes up in case something comes up. There’s few things that could come up to keep him from going to see her, wrestling be damned, but still. Life has a way of lifing. So, he goes with the safe yet disappointing answer.

“Soon, I promise.” She’s clearly indifferent to this answer and doesn’t say anything, instead shifts on her bed, moving to lay down. “You should really try to sleep, Callie.”

Eyes starting to blink, clearly her exhaustion catching up with her, she asks, softly, “will you stay with me till I fall asleep?”

Her request tugs at his heartstrings. “Of course, sweetie.”

Seemingly pleased by this answer, she closes her eyes, and he watches. He stares at this tiny human whose existence he only learned about not even a month ago yet would do anything to make happy. Joe thinks about Callie constantly, finds himself smiling at the thought of some of the Snapchat videos you’d send him of her in all of her randomness. She was so entertaining, so full of life, a genuinely happy kid. His kid.

And it’s why he’s going to find out more about this Amir guy and why Amir is having any type of interaction with his daughter.

________

Joe: You should know she called me last night.

You’re in the middle of perusing early Black Friday deals, needing to budget for that now and taking full advantage of Callie being down for a nap. However, you frown, reading his message, not understanding why he’s stating the obvious. You were there when she asked for the iPad and when she returned it after the call was finished.

You: I’m aware….

Joe: No. After that.

Your eyebrows arch together, confused.

You: What? when?

Joe: It was 11 my time, so 9 yours.

You gasp, typing away, wondering how the hell she snuck in your room and managed a whole ass Facetime call without you hearing shit. Were you really that damn exhausted?

You: What the hell was she doing up at 9? What did she say? No wonder she was crabby this morning.

Joe: She said she couldn’t sleep.

You: A bad dream?

Joe: Naw, said you got into an argument with someone named Amir earlier that day and didn’t want to bother you….I think it was bothering her.

Your stomach twists at that. You had a feeling she’d overheard the incident with Amir, but you prayed that you were wrong. Clearly, you weren’t.

Joe: Who is Amir?

You pause at Joe’s question. Why is he asking this? What business of his is Amir? Irritation washes over you, but is waned by realizing he’s probably asking because of Callie. As her father, he has a right to know if you’re with someone, because for all he knows that someone could be around his daughter.

You really are trying with this co-parenting thing.

You: A lot of things. A pain in the ass being the most recent one.

You: We dated in high school and college on and off. He’s the basketball coach at our local high school.

It’s more information than probably what’s necessary, but there’s this small, conflicting part of you that wants him to know you have no ties to Amir. That there are no feelings there and haven’t been for literal years.

That you’re not with Amir.

Joe: Are you dating him again? Why were you arguing around Callie?

The interrogating is getting old, but you’re trying to play nice. Coparent peacefully. His delivery is off, but he has valid questions.

Sorta.

You: No. We just….we fuck around from time to time. He tries to make it more than what it is. Was about that.

You: I was waiting for her to be released from pre-school, and he picks up his nephew for his sister. It just happened, and I didn’t know/mean for her to hear.

Honestly, you’re more worried and concerned about Callie and how to approach this with her without making her feel like she was in trouble. Yes, she knows damn well she shouldn’t be on the iPad that late at night, but can you really be mad at her for talking to her dad about something that upset her?

Joe: You bring him around her?

You absolutely can be mad though at her dad who’s about to make you cuss him out next too. All of the questions are becoming too much. He gets to be concerned, but he doesn’t get to micromanage and invade.

Feeling petty and recalcitrant, you type out a reply that you should probably think twice before sending.

But fuck it.

You: No. I only ride his dick at his place. 🙂

There’s a small ounce of regret for being so crude, but not a whole lot. He knows how you are, or he should, at least.

To some extent.

But your phone rings again, and you find yourself staring mouth agape at his reply.

Joe: You may ride his dick, but you had my kid. Clearly, only one of us knows how to please you.

Your face is burning hot, and you hate how you shift in your seat. Why the fuck would he say that? You want to say it’s inappropriate, but you also opened this door.

Is he entirely wrong?

Slapping away that wild ass thought, you focus on the real conversation at hand here. It takes a couple of rewrites before you ultimately decide to change the subject.

You: I’ve never bought any man around her and never will that’s not you, if that’s what you’re asking.

You’re grateful to see he’s also agreeing to change the subject.

Joe: It is. Thank you.

Rolling your eyes, you send a text back, getting back to being annoyed at his 21 Questions. This is a two-way street, and since he’s opened this door, why not?

You: You know that goes both ways though. I don’t want her around any bitches.

Joe: Seriously?

Joe: There’s no one for me to bring her around.

You…..you don’t know how to feel about that, don’t know how to feel about the bit of relief you feel at this message. Why should you feel relieved? Even if there was, that’s his business, and he’s allowed to….do whatever it is that he does.

It reminds you and brings you to your next topic.

You: What about your wife? We need to figure that out as well. She’s eventually going to need to know about Calista and will probably be around her at some point. I get she’s your wife, but I’m Callie’s mother, I need to be there whenever you wanna introduce Callie. I need to be involved in that process as well.

He doesn’t reply.

________

Joe doesn’t really get mad.

Not often at least and definitely not outwardly.

It’s always been his thing to never let anyone have access to that “button” that triggers his anger, and for the most part, it works well.

Except for when it comes to you.

You’ve always been able to trigger many things for him, anger being one of them.

He knows he should have spoken to you in person about the situation, or even over the phone. But with the craziness of his schedule and differing time zones, he just decided to message you, and while it didn’t go horribly, it didn’t go great. He knows you’re annoyed with him.

Hence your crudity.

Joe also refuses to admit that the thought of you fucking this kid pisses him the fuck off, even though you’re not together, even though he has no right to be upset.

But goddamn that doesn’t make him any less upset or annoyed at the thought of someone else touching you.

“Uce?” Jon asks, standing at the door before inventing himself in Joe’s locker room for this week’s Smackdown. “You ready to talk man?”

At that, Joe looks confused. “Talk about what?”

“Whatever it is that got you all worked up.” The twins have always been very perceptive, even back when they were all kids. Joe might be good at hiding his frustration from others but not them. The difference between Jon and Josh though has always been Josh has the wherewithal to not say anything.

Jon hasn’t caught on to that just yet.

“I’m fine,” Joe dismisses, hoping it’s enough to dead the conversation, even though he knows better.

“Lie detector determined that was a goddamn lie.” Jon can be pushy, but he means well, and truthfully, Joe doesn’t have a strong desire to outright shut down this conversation. A different perspective is always beneficial.

Usually.

So, he explains it all, starting with his call with Callie and ending with the text exchange between him and you.

“I see,” Jon nods, clearly absorbing all of this information. Finally, he concludes, “so you’re jealous.”

That’s the first thing to evoke a genuine laugh out of Joe since his exchange with Y/N. “I’m not jealous.”

“And I’m not a twin,” Jon dismisses. “Look, Uce, it’s obvious you still got feelings for ole girl. You ask me, I don’t think you ever got over her—”

“I didn’t ask you.”

“--Now you sitting up here annoyed cause she fucking Coach Carter nephew instead of doing something about it.” Joe rolls his eyes. “I mean have you even told her about you and J—”

“No,” he interrupts, swiftly. “Not yet, at least.”

Nodding, Jon speaks again after a minute of silence. “All I’m saying is ya’ll got the history, got the connection, got the kid too! Don’t see why you need to be letting Jesus Shuttlesworth steal your girl.”

At that, Joe chuckles. One thing his cousins will always be good for, especially Jon, is comedic relief. Even some sound advice from time to time.

“Thanks.”

Joe is, surprisingly, thankful for the equally surprising advice from his cousin. He’s not entirely sure if he’s really jealous or just overreacting for a reason he hasn’t quite uncovered, but he is starting to lean more on the side of he does still have some level of feelings for Y/N.

It’s not a complete shock. He had a feeling when he reacted so strongly to just seeing your picture. It was the whole Callie situation and finding out how you kept her from him that made his vision murky.

But, as his relationship with her strengthens, the clearer he can see.

The clearer his feelings are becoming. Now. it’s just a matter of figuring out what to do with said feelings.

And find out where you stand as well.

Joe remains quiet, thinking more and more how this might end up being an eventful trip.

#roman reigns x black!reader #roman reigns x black!oc #roman reigns #roman reigns fic #black writers #arisnotebook

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wallflowerwritesstuff · 3 months ago

Text

You Chose: Zayne

border credit goes to cafekitsune here on tumblr 🖤

We’re sorry for the delay, please remain seated while we do our best to resolve our current—

You’re nearly half asleep as you hear the same recording for the fifth time in the last hour. Your body is in agony at this point, your mind scrambling to solve this problem as you do with all the others. Ignoring it is no longer viable, so, swallowing your pride, you pull your phone from your pocket. As if the universe knew what you were about to do, it begins to ring before you can even reach the contact screen.

You accept the call from Dr. Stranger, your arm protesting as you lift the phone to your ear.

“Hello?”

“So you answered. I had an inkling you would. It isn’t in you to miss a call regardless of your situation.”

You frown. Rather than greet him as usual, you find yourself stuck on his first statement.

“Did you expect me not to answer? Why call instead of text, then? And I like to make sure people don’t think I’m ignoring them,” you grumble in a hushed tone, still very aware you are in public and not everyone wants to hear your riveting conversation.

“I called to leave a voicemail since you didn’t answer my earlier texts, though this is better as now you have no reason to try to avoid your next check-up.”

A groan leaves you as you nearly slam your head against the bus window.

“You could have easily called me in the morning, Dr. Zayne,” you insist, pausing before sitting up and biting back the groan that wants to escape. Even with the pain, you’re aware he wouldn’t have called just to leave a voicemail if there wasn’t something else important to say. “Is something wrong? Is it a Wandere—”

A huff that you assume was meant to be amused left him, but it almost sounded mixed with something heavier—annoyance, maybe. He would deny it to the moon and back, however, claiming his patience was hard to wear down.

“Even when you seem ready to fall asleep, your mind goes to protecting Linkon,” he sighs. “Look out the window, silly girl.”

You do as told, getting close to avoid seeing your own reflection and seeing a familiar silhouette standing with a bag that you automatically recognize. You wave hesitantly, Zayne nodding once to show he had seen.

“You went to the sweets shop again, huh?” you tease, relaxing as best you can. It was nice to see a familiar face when mere minutes ago you were contemplating life as you knew it. “You know we have a dentist appointment coming up, too. They’re gonna be so mad at you~”

“Funny enough, I understand their frustration,” he says, not bothering to elaborate and instead walking toward the bus. You watch curiously, surprised when he steps on, ignoring the driver’s warning about it being repaired to walk toward you. “It’s difficult to have a patient that doesn’t listen to even the smallest advice,” he adds, voice echoing as it came through the receiver. You lower the phone and hang up, attempting nonchalance as you cross your arms.

The wince takes away from your act, but you proceed despite the narrowing of his eyes.

“For someone that claims it’s funny, you don’t look too laugh-y.”

“I suppose you’d be right in that regard considering laugh-y isn’t a word.”

“So I guess this is a bad time to claim I have no idea what you’re talking about?”

Zayne doesn’t answer, instead holding out a hand to you. Watching it, you find yourself bouncing between his stern expression and his outstretched hand. You take it almost automatically once your brain catches up, unsure if the way his shoulders relax is because he won’t have to argue or because of something else.

His hand is cold, and yet when he squeezes, you feel yourself warm from head to toe.

He turns and you scramble to follow, legs like lead but seeming to have an autopilot feature that hides the fact you feel like falling over. It’s when you two arrive at his car that you find yourself wanting to ask the hundreds of questions threatening to slip off your tongue.

“Dr. Zayne—”

“I believe I clocked out for the evening,” he says, opening the passenger side door and being patient as you maneuver your way in. He shuts the door carefully, walking to the driver’s side as you chew on your lower lip. You were thankful that area was uninjured, sure it would have stung had you dug teeth into a busted lip.

“Zayne,” you correct, coming face to face with him as he leans toward you, causing you to blank on what it is you wanted to say. You watch him closely, his eyes flickering down before meeting your gaze again with a calmness that has you holding your breath. Zayne’s brow lifts as the soft click of a seatbelt has you realizing why he’d leaned over in the first place.

You shrink away, clearing your throat but not missing the slight curve of his lips at your reaction.

Jerk.

He put his own on before starting the car, the ride silent until you remembered that you had been on your way to interrogating him—in a friendly manner, of course.

“You lied to me.”

“Did I?” Zayne questions, keeping his eyes forward.

“Yes! You said you called to leave a voicemail, but you had seen me on the bus and that’s why you did it, right?”

Staring at the road, he doesn’t meet their eyes as he responds. “Consider us even, then.”

“When did I lie?” you ask incredulously, glad Zayne was preoccupied lest you risk folding under his intense gaze.

“I’m glad you asked. Should I begin with you saying you’d be home early today to rest after that last concussion you received last week?”

You part your lips, the promise having been made before you were called in to replace your fellow injured hunter.

“But that—” you begin, already dreading letting him know you technically have another and this one was particularly nasty. You were cleared to sleep, but had ignored the ‘no screens’ rule due to your report.

“Or should I remind you of our brief but telling phone call where you insisted you were fine despite barely being able to walk without looking as if breathing hurts?”

You blink, wondering if this is the most you’ve gotten him to speak in the last few months.

You wished it was under better circumstances.

“But that was—”

“Or, if you want something that hasn’t happened yet, I can play fortune teller and tell you about a future where you undoubtedly attempt to convince me that you’re fine right now by doing something that most definitely would end up hurting you more.”

Deflating, you groan in defeat.

“I get it! I’m the worst patient, but it’s not like I try to do this on purpose. The wanderers are getting so much worse and Hunters are falling left and right—”

Zayne has a particularly hard stop at one of the street lights and you're thankful for the seatbelt that keeps you firmly in place.

“That doesn’t mean you have to be one of them. You are my patient,” he says coldly. “What happens to anyone apart from you isn’t my concern.”

“But right now, you aren’t my doctor,” you snipe back, “You said so yourself. You clocked out for the evening.”

Zayne didn’t answer immediately, but he did drive more carefully which was a sign he had heard you. After some time for you both to breathe and the atmosphere to cool, he hums, his version of conceding to your point.

For now.

You know for a fact that he isn’t done talking about this, but the remainder of your ride together is quieter: slow to the point you find yourself drifting off.

“You can sleep if you need to. I’ll wake you when we arrive.”

“Mmhm,” you murmur, your sleep-addled brain deciding that if he wanted to talk, you’d show him you weren’t easily silenced. So you let him know through slurred words that you weren’t done discussing tonight with him, either.

You swear you hear the infamous Ice King chuckle, but when you awaken in your apartment the next morning with a note at your bedside and a cup of water and pills, you’re positive it was nothing but a pleasant dream. Zayne rarely laughed, a part of you curious if it was even in his programming.

“Maybe one day,” you say to yourself, though you aren’t sure if you believe it or if you’re attempting to convince yourself of it.

Surprisingly, you’re feeling pretty decent. You grab a shower, change into clothes that allow your bruises and cuts both some breathing room, and head to the kitchen to see what you can have for a late breakfast.

You stop short of your destination, however, Zayne sitting on your couch with a cup of coffee in one hand while the other pressed against a page of the book he was reading. He doesn’t look at you as he speaks, seeming to have heard your sharp breath at the sight of him.

“You’re awake.”

You nod, stuttering out an agreement as you ask why he was still here.

Lifting his head, he places down his cup and shuts his book, twisting where he sat to stare at you while he speaks. “I believe you said you weren’t done with me just yet, correct? It would be rude to leave without hearing what it was you had on your mind.”

You nearly fall to your knees with how tense your body becomes, even more so when you see that dangerous flicker in his eyes: the immediate switch from Zayne to Dr. Zayne obvious as he took triage of every visible mark on your body.

“So. Talk.”

A nervous laugh leaves you as you rip some skin from the inside of your cheek.

You and your big mouth.

Want to explore some of the other routes?

Click here to return to the main post for a refresher.

Or, pick your other favorite love interest below:

Xavier

Zayne

Rafayel

Sylus

#love and deep space #zayne love and deepspace #lnds zayne #lads zayne #l&ds zayne #zayne x reader #love and deepspace zayne #lnds x reader

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boytearscore · 10 days ago

Text

why can’t i hate you? — matt sturniolo & chris sturniolo.

summary: being best friends with chris and nick meant the world to you, it also meant you had to deal with their brother’s hate, rudeness, eye rolls, mean comments and coldness all the time. but that didn’t bother you, in fact, it was actually always a pleasure to annoy the shit out of him constantly.

warnings: swearing, enemies to lovers, best friends to lovers, love triangle (not threesome), toxic behavior, angst, comedy, possible smut and of course, strong female lead.

taglist: @sleepysturniolo, @soshere, @spideylovin, @calisturniolo, @ilovecheese09, @ncm9696 , @klaus223492, @freshloveforthefit (thank you so much for the support, girls 💋)

author’s note: girls, i’m really sorry for the sudden disappearance. i had work plus lots to deal in life and a bad situationship that ended horribly, so now i have more time and i’ll be back with more updates. this is the next chapter of “why can’t i hate you?” and matt is gonna spill some secrets, stay tuned. hehe.

chapter four.

after finally getting home, you went to bed without checking your phone. chris was still sending messages and you also saw matt’s name on the notifications. but considering the earlier events, both matt’s and chris behaviour, you needed time to think before talking to them. you hated acting out of emotions, people hurt each other in the heat of the moment and that could possibly lead to a cycle end and to be honest, even though chris was suddenly acting like a fucking possessive person, you didn’t want to lose him.

eventually, you fell asleep hugging one of your pillows with a hundred thoughts in mind.

it’s monday, you got up late and went to work in a rush. only having time to take a kick shower and brush your teeth. at this point, you had 30 messages and since there was literally no time to actually read them, you just drove to work in completely silence. half of your brain was a war, the other half was completely calm, thinking in a racional way. the problem is you’re not being able to balance those two things like you usually do.

the day was extremely slow and stressful, some clients had a lot of questions and repeated them multiple times, so you had to explain over and over with your mind already full of thoughts.

you didn’t have lunch break either, a way of coping with an overflowing mind was throwing yourself in work but when was time to go home, your whole body was rigid and in pain.

you went home driving slowly, still in complete silence but your phone starts ringing.

“not right now, chris.” you whisper to yourself rolling your eyes but after a quick glance at the screen, you see matt’s name.

after thinking for a bit, you decided to pullover to answer the call, something inside your heart told you to.

“hi.” he says, and you look at the sky trying to keep your mind clear.

“hey…” you reply, but he doesn’t say anything for a while. with frowned eyebrows, you ask. “did you meant to call someone else?”

“no, it’s just…” you hear a loud sigh. “do you wanna meet me somewhere? we need to talk.”

“um, i’m almost home.” you said, pondering if that was a good idea. “wanna meet me there?”

“good, i’m already here.” you heard him say and before you could answer, he hang up.

you drove faster, but safely. nothing could take the thoughts out off of your mind, the memories from last night and the theories of what matthew could possibly have to say.

the thing is, no one messes with your head when it comes to mixed actions. especially men. they were all like that, you just assume what’s going on in their head and they act all surprised because you’re usually right. and until days ago, you knew matthew. you knew by the way he reacted to your teasing, every single thought he had. but after last night… everything is a blur, you don’t know what to think, you have no control over your emotions, you can’t even say no when he asks to meet you out of nowhere in such a hard day.

before you noticed, you got home. no one was there which made you confused but not surprised, maybe he left after getting impatient? that’s so him.

after parking the car in the garage, you slowly open the door entering still confused. everything was dark and before you could touch the light switch, someone grabbed you by the waist, turning you around. your heart skipped a beat, you grip the person’s hand and twist it with a quick move, making them face the wall.

“hey, hey. it’s me, matt!” he gasps, yelling.

your eyes widen, staring for a second at the back of matt’s head. “the fuck are you doing? how did you get inside?” you ask firmly.

“the spare key, under the plant…” he’s out of breath, almost moaning in pain from your grip. “nick told me.”

you roll your eyes, letting matt’s hand go and buffing. “that kid needs to shut his mouth.”

he sighs, massaging his wrist and biting his lips. you observe him, the way he’s sensitive to touch. the lack of sleep and rest probably got to you because wide things went through your mind.

“don’t ever do that again.” you tell him, throwing your purse on the couch and taking off your blazer. matthew is staring at you without saying anything. you raise a brow.

“what?” you ask and he looks away, scratching the back of his neck.

“nothing, it’s just… you look different wearing that.” he says still not looking at you. “usually you dress like a homeless person.”

“you came here to talk or tease me?” you ask with an annoyed face and he chuckles. that was the first time you heard his little laugh or saw a smile that wasn’t mean on his lips.

“sorry, i…” he finally looks at you, staring at your eyes while leaning against your living room wall. “can i ask you a question?”

the girl looks at the blue eyed boy for a few seconds, confused. what exaclty he could possibly be so curious about and why is he being so… different?

“go on.” she says, taking her heels off.

“do you have a thing for chris?” his voice is low, but loud enough for her to hear. he holds his breath, trying hard not to punch himself for being so stupid.

“why?” she raises a brow, walking to the couch and sitting there, crossing her legs with a nonchalant and calm face.

“you can’t answer a question with another one.” he rolls his eyes and heads to the couch next to hers, sitting calmly.

“i never thought about it.” she replies his question honestly, she really didn’t think about it until the day before when the whole thing happened. “he’s my best friend, i look at him and see my soulmate.” she notices a certain discomfort on matt’s face but decides to ignore it and continue her thoughs. “but not in that way.”

“not what it looked like yesterday.” he says before thinking, internally screaming at himself and she tilts her head again, laughing. “what’s so funny?”

“what’s with you, matt?” she asks him, frowning.

“what do you mean?”

“if i didn’t know you i’d say you’re jealous.”

“bullshit, and you don’t know me.”

“then why?”

“what?”

“why do you care if i’m into chris or not?”

he avoids her penetrating gaze for a few seconds, maybe for a full minute and knowing he couldn’t escape the question, he finally looks at her again.

“because i can’t allow it to happen.” he says firmly, clenching his jaw.

if she was confused before, now the girl was puzzled beyond words and thoughts.

“you think i’m gonna hurt chris? because i would ne…”

“that’s not why.” he interrups her, his eyes telling her more than his words. “i can’t bare to see you with him, that’s all.”

“why?”

an urge to get up and walk towards him washes over the girl’s body, she goes almost in slow motion and matthew follows her steps without blinking.

“why?” she asks again, now right in front of him. he’s looking up at her, his jawline is clenched and his hands are gripping his jeans.

“because…” he whispers, his voice cracking and she bends over facing him closely, matt lets out a sigh with her breath hitting his face. “because if you can’t be mine you won’t be his either.”

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kkencess · 2 years ago

Text

AKAZA, feenin.

although it might be obvious, there’s one unspoken rule in a relationship. never admit you find another man attractive around your short-tempered husband.

𖤐 info ─── oneshot written by yours truly… i got this idea out of nowhere, and had to write it all before the dialogue disappeared from my head, lol! it was like three in the morning, but i somehow finished this. as an eighteen year old who just turned eighteen, i recommend reading if you’re sixteen, and up! if you aren’t, don’t mention it please!

𖤐 warnings ─── lowercase intended, female! reader, human! akaza, akaza is your fiancé, mild age gap, explicit content, dirty talk, rough sex [punishment sex?], crying, a lil praising, the one time akaza doesn’t respect women, muahaha! just kidding.

most people shamed others for taking on the role of the housewife, but at least for you; it was easy. in a large mansion like the one you lived in, it was only natural others would assume you had it hard. but in all honesty, you didn't. you didn't have any kids at the moment; so that alone was a bonus. cooking was a breeze since you enjoyed it so much, and cleaning wasn't bad since it hardly ever got untidy.

you lay soundlessly in bed, your eyes glued on the phone screen that rested in your hands. a housewife, and a senior in college. of course, all eyes were on you at all times. others often wondered how you scored a faithful husband at the age of twenty one; and honestly, you didn't have a clue yourself.

akaza wasn't in college, like you. he worked for a private organization; and was twenty-seven himself. you didn't have a problem with the miniature age gap; and slightly found it all the more attractive. don’t get you wrong or anything, men these days just weren't up to par. especially those around your age group, or younger. besides, you doubted you'd ever date someone younger than you.

your cheek is engulfed in your palm, black framed glasses falling from your face as you dive your head against the pillow. your glossy lips ruin your pillow, squinted eyes pulled close. you were all caught up on your assignments, surprisingly. you would graduate from college next month, before attending law school.

man.

the distant sound of keys jangling catches your attention, bringing you to raise your head from the pillow. you glance over towards the door, finding it still closed. whatever, your husband must’ve been home. that was great news, considering you were bored; and needed someone to bother. and a coping mechanism to separate your mind away from the stress of law school, and college overall.

you arise from the bed, sighing softly. just before you completely arised; the door opened, revealing a familiar black haired individual. settling down against the edge of the bed, you’re dressed in a cami tee, and shorts. with narrowed brows, you open your mouth to speak, head tilted. “damn, you were out longer than usual.”

akaza sighs, greeting you with a kiss against your forehead. “muzan requested a meeting.”

you roll your eyes at his typical response. “that man is extremely annoying. i’m sure his employees don’t get paid to take part in sudden meetings.”

the other shrugs, setting his suitcase down against the edge of the bed. the buttons of his suit top remained undone, slightly revealing the outline of his toned chest. of course, he worked out very often; but he looked insane. his body looked, and felt unrealistic. especially his muscles. and it was just perfect for you; deeming he often lounged around the house in nothing but sandals, and shorts. your husband looked fucking amazing.

“somewhat hot, but still annoying.” you finish, darting your eyes elsewhere.

akaza’s attention immediately snaps over to meet your own, blue eyes now settled on you. you’re completely silent, scanning the interior of the room with tapered eyes. your ridiculously pretty face is relaxed, though the last words to leave your mouth were completely out of line. you both knew there wasn’t any honesty behind any of what you just voiced, but the boldness of course; is what usually placed the cherry on the top.

“i’m sorry?” the earthy smell of man's cologne seeped from him dearly, infiltrating your nostrils quickly. the scent mashed well with his body wash. he smelled just as great as he looked. lusciously; you lick at your lips, bringing your eyes back over to meet your lover’s own irritation tainted ones.

“what are you saying sorry for?”

the man rolls his eyes, yet doesn’t settle for any more of your bullshit. maybe on a good day he would’ve fallen for it, but after such a long day at work, he figured it wasn’t necessarily worth the sacrifice. muttering something inaudible beneath his breath, he advances forward into another room; the bathroom.

you whine at the lack of attention, pressing your body up from the mattress to step on to the ground. you felt you had at least a bit of the right to be annoying. you hadn’t seen him in a little over twelve hours. those shifts were dangerous; especially to the wife of the man taking them. man, everytime you’d capture a glance at his boss, you’d send him a filthy glare. if there was anyone you truly hated in this world, you’d bet your ass it was fucking muzan, kibutsuji.

“well, that wasn’t fun.”

for what little of the day you had left, you spent your time preparing dinner. akaza hadn’t gotten out of the shower yet; but he always took long; so to you, it wasn’t anything out of character. you figured a breakfast styled dinner wouldn’t hurt. It was a fun choice as well, considering you were craving it these past few days. your husband was never too picky about dinner choices, so he should be fine with the option you settled for.

dinner was silent for the most part. you watched your lover, whilst spooning a mouth full of grits in between your lips.

“are you ignoring me?” you question, breaking the everlasting silence. you’re seated directly across from him, utensils aligned against the transparent glass table. you’re eyeing him shamelessly, cheek pressed against your palm. well, unfortunately for him; the silent treatment only worked in movies.

“it’s about the muzan comment, isn’t it?”

you hoist your legs up to meet akaza’s thigh, letting the anatomy settle hotly against his skin. you’re not completely facing his direction, but your body is angled to meet his. you’re still shoveling pieces of food into your mouth, chowing down on a sausage as you prepare your next bite. you adored how you looked around him, but never when you were eating. it’s not like you ate like a pig or anything, you were just comfortable enough to eat as you would alone.

“i don’t like being ignored, y’know.”

akaza would always answer you. and being who he was (your husband) of course, he knew you well. probably better than you did yourself. so of course, he was wary of the fact that you were a bitch for his attention. sometimes, he’d purposely pretend he couldn’t hear you just to stimulate some sort of reaction out of you. and every single time; it worked. miraculously, but it did.

“i’m aware, [name.]” his tone was stern; low and captivating. you have to press your legs close at the raw sound of it, an array of tingles pulsing through you like a shooting star. your legs dangle off of his own, your chair now pulled a bit closer to his own. the platform of your slippers pressed against the hem of his seating.

“you’re so pretty when you’re upset, babe.” though you were the one who spouted the compliment, your cheeks don’t of course fail to heat up. your tone is quite teasing as well, a playful smile grasping your lips.

“i'm not upset.” he clarifies, eyeing you momentarily. “you’d be a lot more attractive yourself if you stopped making jokes like that about my boss. it’s disrespectful.”

“huh, your boss?” you question, perking a brow. “what’s gonna happen if i don’t?” a smile slowly grasps your lips, eyes darting over to match a gorgeous blue pair.

you weren’t any idiot, of course. you knew he secretly enjoyed it when you talked back; because in a way, it riled him up even more. to fuck you into complete submission, that was. you could simply tell by the way his fingers grasped your ankle tonight would be worth its while.

your back hits the bed’s cushion quite roughly, though the hand grasped around your neck never detached itself from the stated anatomy. you’re pulled into a rough kiss, a soft groan emitted at the rather brutal force; though you were accustomed to it. the male kissed hotly against your lips, savoring every wince emitted, and the shudders performed. you’re pinned down against the cushion, either of your hands pulled against one another; as they’re pinned above your head; near the neatly stacked pillows nearby.

the spaghetti strap tee you wore was hauled up just a bit, revealing your pierced belly. hell, the lounge shorts you wore had ridden up to your mid thigh. a hand of his is free, to lap at the slick coating your thighs; your legs pulling apart to help give him a little more access to what should’ve been his most desirable target.

“you’re always so quiet when we finally go at it.” he started against your lips, where he kissed softly. a finger of his pressed against your clothed clit, earning a slight jolt from you.

you press your eyes shut as his fingers ride against your soaked parts; shutters emitted. he’s quick with his actions; the stated anatomy dipping past your soaked underwear and nearly into you; residing just near your entrance while he teased your clit with his available fingers.

you have to strain a gasp as he loses your lips; mouth now against your neck where he sucked, and bit. nonetheless he’s an expert. you were so fucking soaked and he had only kissed you. nothing else. maybe him being a man of his words played an odd part in it, but for now, you’d give him the benefit of the doubt.

“god, you’re soaking wet, baby. i’m gonna stuff you so fucking well.” cooed the older male, voice as silky as ever. his words alone were enough to increase the amount of pre-cum that currently seeped through your underwear, a shudder animated as you gasped into your palm, when he sunk a finger into you. not just one finger, but two. and his pace started unforgivingly.

he was already plunging his fingers into you with undeniable speed. you could feel the eagerness, your body jolting beneath his own. akaza stared you down mercilessly, lapping at his own lips with the soft pink flesh of his tongue. your fingers grasped desperately at his wrist as his digits pushed through, flush against your walls. you moan out in pleasure, the slight pain pushed quickly aside as you wriggled in his touch. “f—fuck!” you cursed, fingers caressing akaza’s tight muscles. they felt so fucking nice. he worked out often and it showed physically, thankfully.

“gonna come from just my fingers?” he questioned, shoving another one in without restraint. “shit, you are, aren’t you? you aren’t embarrassed?” your face was hot, flustered in mortification, as he confirmed. his words were rather teasing; although his voice remained silky. rather smooth, even. he worked his fingers like a damn god. he knew just what to do to keep you doused in pleasure, while simultaneously making sure it didn’t send you over the edge. it was clear he knew your body better than you did.

“t—to m-much!” you exasperated. it should’ve been criminal. the way your back arched from the bed as he worked his fingers delightfully. he chuckled coldly at your remark, head lowering; before he leveled himself out of your sight, and beneath your trembling thighs. he tore at your lace undergarments with ease, allowing them to fall against the bed’s soft cushion.

“is it?” he seethed, lapping at your pretty, now exposed pussy. your clit glistened with your own produce, spilling against the velvet colored sheets. akaza wasted no time, settling his tongue against the anatomy, circling it just perfectly. his fingers still plunged into you with brute force, his free hand clasped around your thigh harshly, where he gripped to make sure you didn’t escape his grasp.

“my god…” the only thing you could do was take in the pleasure, moaning as your hand pulled down to grasp at his hair. the grip he had on your thigh tightened, earning a wince of pain from you; though the overall pleasure you received from both his fingers, and mouth overthrew whatever pain you previously suffered. you were so fucking close, closer than ever. “akaza— shit. that feels amazing… don’t stop.”

you were positive he would let you cum. at least now. rapid blinks blinded you, your mouth pulled apart as lengthy moans made way. the knot in your stomach had only slightly undone itself; disappointment quickly washed over you when not one, but all of whatever pleasure you had been feeling before completely vanished.

“b-babe?” there wasn’t much time to react; your body quickly being pushed over. you were now laid flat against your stomach, body pressed into the cushion. your face was hot in embarrassment, mind scrambled. you didn’t know what to say. you could hear the male above you chuckle, his hands settled against torso; where his fingers grasped harshly at. you twitch in his caress, the warmth of his breath evident against your neck since he had resided so close to you.

it was quite thick, and heavy— only for what it was, that is. you guess you couldn’t be too mad, since things weren’t looking so bad for you. it was a shame you couldn’t see it, though. it looked pretty. and trust you, you weren’t at all exaggerating. a pretty pink tip, and gorgeous smooth skin following it. it had a perfect arch, one that could easily strike you in all of the right places. you got lightheaded thinking about it, swallowing hard as you await his actions.

“shit, m’gonna fuck you so hard… give you just what you wanted.” he says, either of his palms engulfing your ass. he spread you apart with ease, spatting out a thick wad of saliva against your entrance, that’d be his substitution for lube. you could only whine beneath him, as you mentally prepared yourself for the next few moments.

“you’re lucky i even gave you that much,” he spouts, cock pushing into your entrance. you have to bite into the sheets, limbs weakening as he pushes further, and further into you. with each push came deep breathy grunts, from akaza himself. he only stopped when his hips were locked against your ass, hands sliding down to grasp at your waist. you gasp out in pain, the lack of proper lube making it all the worse for you. not only that, did you even finger prep properly? he should’ve let you come, before.

“shit. you’re so tight, baby. so tight.” he started roughly, plunging in and out of you with an indescribable force. he was reckless, fucking into you with his own neediness. the tears that spiked your vision fell, staining the bed’s sheets. his grunts of pleasure only satisfies you, making you hot all over. he practically tore his way inside of you, yes— but of course, it always felt amazing soon after.

the pleasure gradually builds, moans spilling from your mouth as he delved even deeper into you, striking you in all the right spaces. there’s hardly any pain involved now; only strained moans and whimpers. you crumble beneath him, head hanging against the pillows— hurried, heavy pants occupying your eardrums. akaza couldn’t see your expression, and to be quite honest he was dying to— all he needed was a proper glance at your fucked out face.

so, he settles against the edge of the matress, only detaching himself from you for a second. in the next instant you're resting in his lap, his cock sinking into you without warning. this angle was even better than the last, though the part where he entered always hurt like a bitch. his free hand engulfed your chin, forcing it down so that your gaze matched your own. your eyes were hazy, eyelids hanging low— making it so that you could hardly even see. speckles of stars spiked your vision, vanishing once your eyes finally fell close.

“you’re a mess, sweetheart.” akaza says, tone low and sweet. saliva grazes your lips, hands weakly wrapping around akaza’s shoulders. you couldn’t say a thing— your body wouldn’t allow you to. no, your brain wouldn’t. all you could do was shut up and take whatever he had to offer, like how he knew you would. of course, akaza always got the last laugh. you started things off, but he’d finish them in an unbelievable way.

“shit, you’re making me feel so good. so good, baby.” he protests, a smile engulfing the lips of his pretty face as he takes either of your ankles in his hand, pulling them apart so that they are fully wrapped around his waist, ensuring that you took every inch of him. there wasn’t any running away in this position, and to be quite frank you weren’t upset with the lack of options.

“akaza…” you mutter, with what little strength you had. “m’gonna come…”

the male eyes the hardly evident bulge tracing your stomach, eyes soon tracing further up. he presses a kiss against the exposed skin of your chest, legs trembling as he nears his orgasm. his pace became desperate as he fucked rapidly into you, practically drilling you dry. your head is resting into his shoulder, hanging between the juncture of both his chin, and collarbone. your ass bounces against his cock, the wet sounds audible. dribbling past your lips was drool, that slid down akaza’s back, dipping into the curves of his muscles. you were far too weak to scratch at him, so for now all you could do was take it.

you wanted to speak up, in the least bit do something. it was hard hearing you anyways, when akaza moaned so desperately in your ear, whispering about how good you were; and how well you took him. he pressed a kiss between your chest, blue eyes tracing up your figure. his fingers grasped you roughly, in fact you were sure it would leave some kind of mark.

just another pump was enough to send him over the edge, specks of white shooting into you; not even a drop trickling down your thighs. it doesn’t take long for you to come after him, your mind going completely numb as you clang on desperately to his body. all you could hear were akaza’s strained breaths that seemed to never end. you didn’t know what to say, or do either. nonetheless, you couldn’t stay like this forever.

finally akaza catches himself, catching your chin in between his index finger, and thumb. there’s a slight upturn of his lips, pretty blue eyes eating at you disastrously.

“one more time.”

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brainddeadd · 20 days ago

Note

Hii could you do a blurb for Baby Devil where she deals with online hate? And maybe at first she doesn't want to talk with her teammates about it, cause she doesn't want to bother them, so she confides in someone else. Maybe Quinn?

Online Hate

Y/N had always dreamed of playing in the NHL, and now that she was living that dream with the New Jersey Devils, she couldn’t have asked for a better team to do it with. Jack, Nico, Luke, and Dawson had become like her big brothers, always looking out for her and making sure she felt like part of the family. Despite the teasing and occasional chirping, she knew they had her back.

But lately, the weight of her growing popularity had come with an ugly side. The online hate.

At first, it was just a few nasty comments under her social media posts—remarks about her skill, snide comments about her appearance, and, of course, the usual garbage about her playing in a "man's league." She told herself it was nothing, that it was part of being in the spotlight, especially as a woman in hockey. But as the comments kept piling up, they started gnawing at her confidence. No matter how hard she tried to brush them off, the words stayed with her, whispering doubts into her mind even as she stepped onto the ice.

She didn’t want to bother her teammates with it. They already had enough to worry about with games, practices, and their own personal lives. Besides, Y/N had always been the tough one—always laughing, keeping up with the guys, never showing when things got under her skin.

But it was getting harder to hide. The boys were starting to notice her mood changes, especially Quinn, who was visiting from Vancouver for a few days. He had a sixth sense when it came to her, despite having known her less time than the others. One afternoon, after a long practice, he found her sitting alone on the bench in the locker room, scrolling through her phone with a tense look on her face.

"Hey," Quinn said, sitting down beside her. "What’s up? You’ve been kinda off lately."

Y/N quickly turned off her phone and plastered on a smile. "Nothing. Just tired, that’s all."

Quinn raised an eyebrow. "Come on, Y/N. I know you better than that."

She bit her lip, hesitating. Quinn had always been the calm, steady presence in her life. Even though he wasn’t on her team, she trusted him more than anyone else. Maybe it wouldn’t hurt to tell him—just him. It wasn’t like he’d judge her.

"I’ve just been… dealing with some stuff," she finally admitted, her voice soft. "Online stuff."

Quinn frowned. "What kind of stuff?"

She sighed, pulling up her phone and showing him a barrage of hateful comments. His face hardened as he read them, his usual calm demeanor replaced by quiet anger.

"Y/N, why didn’t you tell anyone about this?" he asked, his tone gentler now, but still firm.

"I didn’t want to bother you guys," she mumbled. "I mean, you all have your own problems. I didn’t want to add mine to the list."

Quinn shook his head. "No way. You’re our friend. We’d want to know if something’s bothering you. Especially this." He put a hand on her shoulder. "Look, people are always going to have something to say. But you can’t let them get in your head. You belong here—don’t ever doubt that."

Y/N looked down at her hands, feeling the weight of his words settle in her chest. "It’s just… hard sometimes, you know? I try to ignore it, but it’s getting to me."

"That’s because you’re human," Quinn said gently. "But you don’t have to deal with it alone. Talk to the guys. They care about you, and they’ll have your back, just like they always do."

She nodded, knowing deep down he was right, but still nervous about telling her teammates. "I just don’t want to seem weak or—"

"Hey," Quinn interrupted, looking her straight in the eye. "Asking for help isn’t weak. You’re one of the toughest people I know. But even tough people need support sometimes."

Y/N took a deep breath, letting Quinn’s words sink in. He was right. She had been carrying this burden alone for too long, and it was time to let the others in.

Later that evening, back at the team’s shared house, Y/N gathered the courage to speak up. Jack, Nico, Luke, and Dawson were lounging in the living room, casually tossing around a football and talking about the next game. She hesitated in the doorway, nerves twisting her stomach, but Quinn gave her a reassuring nod from the corner of the room.

"Hey, guys, can I talk to you for a second?" she asked, her voice a little shaky.

The room fell silent, and they all turned to look at her. Jack tossed the football onto the couch and motioned for her to sit down.

"Yeah, of course," Nico said, concern already etched on his face.

Y/N sat on the edge of the couch, her hands fidgeting in her lap. "I’ve… I’ve been dealing with some stuff online. Hate comments, mostly. It’s been going on for a while now, and I didn’t want to bother you guys with it, but… it’s starting to get to me."

For a moment, the room was completely still. Then, Jack was the first to react, his face hardening with anger. "Who the hell is doing this? Give me names."

Luke, usually more laid-back, was suddenly serious too. "Why didn’t you tell us earlier?"

"I didn’t want to bother you," Y/N said, her voice small.

"Y/N, you’re never a bother," Dawson chimed in, leaning forward. "You’re family."

Nico placed a comforting hand on her shoulder. "We’re here for you. Always."

Jack stood up, pacing the room. "We’re not letting this slide. We’ll figure out how to handle it, but first, you need to know that those people? They don’t matter. You’re part of this team, and no one’s going to take that away from you."

Luke nodded in agreement. "Yeah, screw those idiots. They don’t know anything about you."

Y/N felt a wave of relief wash over her as she looked around the room. Her heart felt lighter, knowing she wasn’t alone in this. They had her back, just like they always had.

"Thanks, guys," she said softly, a small smile tugging at her lips. "I really appreciate it."

Quinn, watching from the side, gave her a proud nod. She’d done it, and now she had a whole team behind her, ready to fight for her just as fiercely as she would for them.

And in that moment, Y/N knew she was exactly where she belonged.

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srslyscary · 5 months ago

Text

The Final Breath

contents/warnings: SFW , reader is written as she/her, major angst, mentions of illness, mentions of death, bang chan is named his birth name in the narrative, lowercase intended

including: bang chan x reader

note: I CRIED WRITING THIS. why I got the inspiration to make something hand written? i have no clue. I thought I should start writing more often. seriously had to stop writing this just to cry for one second. this may or may not be ooc (just a slither) because i have problems writing personalities of people I don’t know in person.. please enjoy!

chris wiped the sweat from his brow as the final beats of the song faded. practice had been intense, as always, but his mind was elsewhere. his bandmates, felix, hyunjin, and the others, were still catching their breath when chris glanced at the clock.

"hey, guys, I need to head out early today," he said, grabbing his bag.

felix raised an eyebrow. "again? you’ve been leaving early a lot lately. everything okay?"

chris forced a smile. "yeah, everything's fine. just some personal stuff I need to take care of."

the others exchanged puzzled glances but didn’t press him further. they had their suspicions—but ultimately thought he was going home to his girlfriend, whom they were all very aquantined with. little did they know, his destination was far more somber.

chris’s heart ached as he drove to the hospital. YN, his girlfriend, was battling a brain tumor, and the prognosis was grim. the visits had become a daily ritual, a blend of love, fear, and a desperate hope for a miracle.

he entered her hospital room, greeted by the sterile scent of antiseptic and the soft beep of monitors. YN's face lit up when she saw him, her smile weak but genuine.

"hey channie!" she whispered, her voice fragile.

"hey, beautiful," he replied, sitting beside her and taking her hand. "how are you feeling today?"

she shrugged, trying to appear nonchalant. "same as always. but seeing you makes everything better." she laughed, nearly cringing at herself. “I bet it does.”

they spent the next few hours talking, laughing, and simply being together. chris recounted funny stories from practice, doing his best to lift her spirits. they watched videos on his phone, and he played her snippets of new songs he was working on. for those precious moments, the world outside the hospital room faded away. nothing else mattered to them but the time they spent together.

as the days passed, YN's condition slowly worsened. chris continued to visit daily, his dedication unwavering. the hospital staff began to recognize him, greeting him with sad smiles as he made his way to her room.

one evening, chris arrived to find YN's family gathered around her bed, their faces etched with worry. her mother stood up, giving chris a small, grateful nod.

"thank you for coming, christopher. she talks about you all the time," her mother said, her voice trembling. “I’m sorry we have to meet under these circumstances..”

chris nodded, his throat tight. “It’s fine, really.” he approached YN, who was asleep, her face pale and drawn. he sat beside her, holding her hand and whispering softly. "I’m here, YN. I won’t leave you."

when she woke, she smiled weakly at him. "channie, you’re here."

"of course, I am," he replied, brushing a strand of hair from her face. "I always will be."

as the night wore on, chris and YN talked about their future—one filled with dreams they both knew might never come true. they spoke of travels, adventures, and the life they had planned together. it was a bittersweet conversation, filled with love and an unspoken understanding of the reality they faced. “hey.. do you think.. I’ll be able to see outside again?”

��of course you will. i have no doubt about that, beautiful.”

the next day, chris convinced YN's doctors to let her leave the hospital for a few hours. he wanted to give her a change of scenery, a taste of the usual through the chaos of her illness. “let’s set you in, first time in a wheelchair huh?”

she laughed only slightly, being carried and put into the wheelchair. “yeah, it feels really funny.” and with that chris began to take her outside the hospital, talking a small stroll to the nearest park. he pushed her wheelchair along the winding paths, the spring air fresh and invigorating. YN marveled at the blooming flowers, the chirping birds, and the children playing nearby. It was a simple outing, but it meant the world to her.

"thank you for this, my love." she said, her eyes shining with gratitude. "I needed it more than you know."

chris smiled, though his heart ached. "anything for you, sweetheart. always."

they sat on a bench, watching the world go by. for a few precious hours, they were just another couple, enjoying a day at the park. but as the sun began to set, reality intruded once more.

YN's condition took a drastic turn for the worse. she was confined to her bed, her strength fading rapidly. chris continued his visits, each one more heart-wrenching than the last. he spent every moment he could with her, knowing their time was running out.

then the day finally came, that day both of them never dreamed of happening. as he sat by her bed, YN's breathing became labored. chris held her hand tightly, his heart pounding with fear and sorrow.

"baby.." she whispered, her voice barely audible. "I'm scared..”

chris leaned closer, his eyes filled with tears. he wanted to keep strong for her, for the one he loved, even through this hard time. "I know, YN. but I'm here. you’re not alone. and you’ll never be alone.”

she looked at him, her gaze filled with love and pain. "promise me... you won’t forget me. live your life, be happy."

chris swallowed hard, his voice choked with emotion. "I promise, YN. i’ll never forget you. you mean everything to me. i’ll love you till the end of time.”

“then promise me one more thing.. please swear you’ll keep this promise.”

“Anything beautiful— what is it?”

“just promise me.. that if you’re not happy, that you’ll find happiness with someone else.” she said, her lips shaking slightly and her eyes barely could keep open.

“no.. no i can’t promise that. i’ll love you and only you. i can’t possibly—“ “chris please.. please don’t do this. just promise me.” YN began to tear up, looking at him.

“…i promise. but.. you’ll make it out of here just fine.. don’t say that.”

she smiled, running her thumb against his hand. “thank you for everything, my love.” and with a final, shaky breath, YN closed her eyes, her grip on his hand loosening. chris felt his world shatter as she slipped away, the silence in the room deafening.

“hey.. hey sweetheart- get up..!” he held her face, kissing her cheeks and tapping her arms slightly. “please.. don’t— don’t close your eyes.. don’t go..!”

but it was too late, she was already gone. chris quickly got up and tapped the call button, screaming for the nurses.

the days following YN’s passing were a blur for chris. he attended the funeral, supported her grieving family, and tried to make sense of a world without her. his bandmates, finally aware of the truth, rallied around him, offering their support and understanding.

chris threw himself into his work, trying to drown the pain with music and dance. But no matter how busy he kept himself, the void YN left behind was inescapable. he found himself visiting her grave regularly, bringing her favorite flowers and sitting in silence, lost in memories.

every night, for two years straight, Chris called YN’s phone. each time, he left a message, his voice filled with longing and sorrow. "hey, YN. It’s me, channie. I miss you so much. it’s hard.. knowing you’re really gone. i wish I could just wake up and come straight to your apartment to see you each morning, like usual. i wish I could take you out on dates at your favorite places, like usual. i want to be angry for you leaving me.. but I know I shouldn’t. i know I should think better about this. it’s just so.. hard. i love you so so much.”

the calling became his way of coping, a connection to the girl he loved and lost. he gained hope for the shortest moment everytime he heard the call go straight to voicemail, the last thing he had left to really remember what you sounded like. “Hi this is YN! Sorry i couldn’t answer the phone. I’ll get to you as soon as i can! Leave a message!”. even as the number eventually became invalid, chris continued to dial, his heart refusing to let go. each call was a reminder of the promises he made and the love they shared.

it had been a year since YN’s passing, and chris found himself standing in front of her grave once more. the seasons had changed, the world had moved on, but his grief remained as fresh as the day she left.

his bandmates, who had become his rock, stood beside him, their presence a silent support. felix placed a hand on his shoulder. "we’re here for you, bro. always."

chris nodded, his eyes never leaving the gravestone. he sniffled, trying not to let tears fall. "thanks, guys… It means a lot."

he knelt down, placing a bouquet of YN’s favorite flowers on her grave. "Hey, YN. It’s me, channie. I miss you so much. It’s been a year, but it still feels like yesterday. i feel emotional everytime i come here, knowing I was just fine 3 hours ago. i don’t think you really know how much this affects me. im slowly getting better but.. it still hurts.”

as the sun set, casting long shadows across the cemetery, chris and his bandmates stood in silence, remembering YN and the love she had brought into his life.

through all, chris kept his promise to YN. he lived his life, pursued his dreams, and found moments of happiness. but he never forgot her. she remained a part of him, a cherished memory that guided him through the darkest times.

he found even more solace in his music, channeling his grief and love into his songs. His bandmates stood by him, understanding the depth of his loss and the strength it took to keep moving forward.

on the anniversary of YN’s passing each year, chris visited her grave, bringing her favorite flowers and sitting in silence. He spoke to her, sharing his life and achievements, as if she were still beside him.

and though the pain of losing her never fully faded, Chris found a way to honor her memory in everything he did. she had taught him the true meaning of love and loss, and that lesson became a cornerstone of his life.

in the quiet moments, when the world felt too heavy, chris would close his eyes and remember YN’s smile, her laughter, and the love they shared. and he would find the strength to keep going, knowing she was with him, always.

#skz imagines #skz scenarios #skz x reader #skz x y/n #skz x you #bang chan x reader #bang chan x y/n #bang chan x you #bang chan #skz angst #bang chan angst

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aperrywilliams · 1 year ago

Text

More Than You Know (Spencer Reid x Fem!BAU!Reader)

(Not my gif. Credit to the creator)

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Author Masterlist

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Pairing: Spencer Reid x Fem!BAU!Reader.

Summary: You’re Spencer's best friend. You have gone through many things together, but after Spencer is incarcerated, things turn different for both of you. Not to mention you have been in love with him for a long time too. How much will you endure until you can’t take it anymore?

Word Count: 5.9k

TW: ANGST. Strong language. Mention of abduction, drug use, getting shot, death of relatives and loved ones, jail, pregnancy, unsafe sex, and potential cheating. All the deal!

A/N: Not a happy ending, at least for Spencer and Reader. Do you think they could have a chance in the future? (I wrote it as a one-shot, but it makes me kind of sad). Let me know what you think.

Part 2: More Than You Say

Part 3: More Than You Expect (the end)

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I don’t have the habit of arriving early at work. I only do it when it is strictly required. I’m not a morning person. I have never been. So you can guess how my mood turns dark when people push me to let go of some minutes of my precious morning sleep, even when Spencer is the one who asks me to.

He called me this morning at 6 am, telling me he needed to talk to me in person. So we agreed to grab a coffee in our usual place before work.

"Thanks for coming," Spencer greets me when I arrive. A harsh expression adorns his features while I sit in the booth before him.

I can’t help the yawn escaping my lips.

“Did I have a choice?” I ask, gesturing to the barista for my regular order.

“I need to talk to you,” he prefaces, rubbing a hand over his eyes. He looks distressed. I narrow my eyes, thinking about what could be causing it.

“Yeah, that’s what you said by phone when you woke me up this morning. Why you didn’t tell me there what’s going on?”

“I couldn't tell you by phone,” he excuses himself as the barista approaches and hands me my coffee. I thank her, returning my gaze to my friend.

My mind starts racing with possibilities, and my heartbeat picks up its rate.

“Something happened to your mom?” I ask cautiously. Spencer shakes his head immediately.

“No. My mom is okay.”

Well, that discards a big issue so that I can breathe a little.

“Nightmares again?”

I can recall how bad nightmares could be for Spencer. Since Hankel and passing by Emily’s dead, Maeve, and then prison, Spencer is a lightning rod for nightmares.

“No. Not in a while.”

Good. Another bad thing out of the list.

“Headaches?”

A big issue that worsened after Doyle stabbed Emily and led Spencer to Maeve.

“No. I’m good with that.”

Okay, I’m running out of options here. Is it the job?

“The bureau wants you to take longer sabbaticals?”

“No! Not that either.”

I give up. I don’t think anything is important enough to make me be here before 7 am.

“Spencer, I’m lost. Just tell me what’s going on,” I urge, running out of patience and dying to know what this is about.

"It's about Alison," he clarifies, and I can’t help but groan.

Seriously? The problem is a girl?

"Alison?" I ask, cocking an eyebrow.

"Yeah, the girl I'm seeing lately?" He adds to help my recall. I know Alison, but I won't waste a chance to mess with Spencer, especially considering he made me up early for this.

"I'm sorry. I don't remember that one. I lost track after Lonna," I shrug. Spencer rolls his eyes, knowing what I’m doing.

"Not now, (Y/N). This is important,” he scolds.

I look at him incredulously. What could be so important about a girl he's seeing?

"Okay, okay. Don't be so dense. What happens with the gorgeous Alison?" I ask, sipping my coffee.

"She may be pregnant," he suddenly says with a grimace.

"What?!" I squeal, almost choking on the coffee in my mouth. Spencer looks around us to see if someone is listening to our conversation.

"Shush! You wanna me repeat what I just said?" he whisper-shouts.

"Come on, Spencer. You must be kidding me.”

I take a napkin to clean the mess I made with my coffee.

“I’m afraid I’m not.”

“How come you, from all the people, don't know what birth control and condoms are?"

Spencer's cheeks flush. He is embarrassed, but his need to confide in someone is greater.

This is eating him alive.

"May I forget to use one a while ago? I mean, we were in a rush, and-" I cut him off.

"No. I don't want to hear it. I don't want to know the details of your sex life. I'm just concerned about how reckless you have become, honestly.”

The last part isn’t intended to sound that rough. Spencer is a grown man who can do whatever he pleases with his life, but I‘m worried about him. Since prison happened, he has been stumbling and making poor decisions, including fooling around with women.

Spencer's gaze drops to the floor, just like a child being scolded by his parents. I hate to see him like this. I hate to see him hurting and lost. So I recant my grown-up role this time.

"Spencer, look at me." I pause until his eyes meet mine. "I'm sorry if it was harsh; I'm just worried, okay? Now tell me, Alison told you?"

He shakes his head.

"Not directly. But she told me she's been feeling sick, and this morning I - I heard her throwing up. And I am almost sure she didn't have her period last month," Spencer recounts each fact as his breathing picks up.

Great. A panic attack is what I needed now.

"Hey, hey. Just breathe, okay?" I urge, calling his attention. He nods and slowly does what I say.

After a minute, he starts to feel better to speak.

"What should I do?" Spencer groans, with both hands grabbing his head.

In a twisted way, I found the scene comical.

Spencer is asking me what to do. To me.

I mean, what could I even tell him? He's my friend, but this is far ahead of what I could advise someone for.

Let alone someone who I have feelings for.

Yeah. That's the hard truth.

Cliche as it sounds, I have feelings for my best friend. A man who will never reciprocate those feelings. That's how fuck up the situation is.

But after years of keeping that secret, I learned how to mask everything for the sake of our friendship and our jobs.

"For starters, we don't know if she is pregnant. Maybe it is just your paranoia. We must be sure, so you must ask her," I instruct. Spencer looks at me in horror as if I just said he needed to jump from the 20th floor.

"What? No! I can't do that!"

"You can, and you will. You can't keep stressing out about something you don't even know!"

"And what if she is? I should marry her?" My eyes widened at that.

And the people call him a genius.

"Spencer, don't rush to the next town when you haven't stepped in this one first. You don't have to do anything you don't want to. You both need to talk and decide if things turn that way, okay?"

He lets out a deep exhale.

"Okay. Okay. You're right."

Even if I want to slap him right now, I know I will never do it. Squeezing his shoulder affectionately, I let out my following words.

"You'll figure it out. Whatever it is, you'll know what to do, and I'll be by your side, okay? You're not alone."

Spencer looks at me with gratitude and a hint of relief. He knows I’m genuine in my statement. He knows I’ll be by his side no matter what.

It always has been that way.

We joined the team almost at the same time. While Jason Gideon recruited Spencer, Aaron Hotchner recruited me. Gideon insisted that Spencer’s brain and knowledge about everything would be an enormous asset to the team. Hotch did the same with me, pointing out how my interpersonal skills and impressive field experience would be valuable to the job. Different reasons, same outcome: being the newest made us closer. And not a long time after, we became best friends.

I was there when Spencer got abducted by Tobias Hankel. I was there when he struggled with his drug addiction. I consoled him when Gideon left and then when he died years later. I cared for him when he got shot in the knee and neck. We cried together when Emily ‘died.’ And after what happened to Maeve, I was there for all steps on the way. The last straw was Mexico and the three months in Millburn. I never missed a visit, and I was by his side when he had to talk to Cat Adams.

And the same way I have been for him, he has been for me. A few months after I joined the team, I got shot in the shoulder, and Spencer helped me a lot. He rode the ambulance with me when I got shot again in the abdomen three years later. He was with me when my dad passed away. Spencer comforted me when one of my long-term boyfriends dumped me. He took a serious role in rooting for me whenever I doubted myself in the job and life.

We know each other like the palm of our hands.

Everybody would have thought our friendship was forged to everlast. And I‘m still adamant about making it that way, even if after a few years of knowing each other, I realized I‘m in love with Spencer. How could I not?

Even at some point, those feelings could have been reciprocal. I noticed things between us changed after Hotch and Morgan left the team.

The stolen glances, the little touches, the overprotectiveness, the subtle flirting. I indulged myself with the idea that it was a natural turn to us be more than friends.

But then Mexico happened.

And things changed for Spencer and me.

The moment we understood what happened and that Spencer would be locked until we could find who did this to him, I didn't rest. I didn't sleep. I barely eat. But I put a brave face on him. I knew he was having the worst time there, so I was who encouraged him every chance I got.

But it didn't matter how hard we tried, how hard I tried. Spencer locked himself and didn't let anyone in. The day he was released, I hugged him first and felt some normalcy. He said how much he missed me, how much he missed us all.

Things went well for a while, but I could tell Spencer wasn't okay. He talked less; he looked distant and disaffected. Sure, Spencer was trying to cope with everything. And as before, I tended my hand to him to hold. And in a way, he took it, but not how it would help him heal.

Our relationship turned instrumental, at least for him.

He started failing in the job, lying to Emily about his whereabouts when he ran late. His mind was distracted more often. If he was reckless at the job before, now it was worse. He snapped more too. And for every time, I was there to cover him up. That's how everyone assumed he was still finding his balance, but I wasn't so sure.

Things worsened when Spencer discovered sex was an excellent way to release frustration. At first, I didn't think it could be a big deal. Getting laid wasn't a big deal. Not ideal for me, but I suppressed my jealousy for his sake. I would choose his well-being ten thousand times before my stupid love for him.

Still, things have not improved. Almost a year after Millburn, Spencer keeps stumbling, getting into trouble, and does not act as he should. I know I have my responsibility quote, but I'm too involved in this cycle to break it.

I want to say at least I have my friend, but that isn’t entirely true. Every time I have needed him in the past year, he hasn't been there. I could tell he hadn’t even noticed I had been losing weight or the doctor’s appointment I had to attend for feeling sick.

I’m alone by myself. It's sad, but I can’t force him. I’m not like that. I would never beg for affection from anyone who doesn’t want to give it, even if I needed it. People would say it is the wrong way, but I cannot be otherwise.

Some days after our coffee shop conversation, Spencer rushes to my desk to tell me the ‘good news.’ False alarm. Alison isn’t pregnant.

Spencer looks relaxed and relieved. Maybe it’s the wake-up call he needs to slow down. My hope is short-lived, though, because while he tells me everything, his phone ding. A smirk appears on his face when he sees the incoming text.

“What is it?” I ask, and Spencer bites his lower lip.

“I have a date,” he answers, typing on his phone.

“With Alison?” I narrow my eyes. He looks at me when he’s done sending the message.

“No! Of course not. I’m not going to make the same mistake again. I told her I needed time to think,” he explains like he’s talking about the weather.

“So you’re going to meet another girl without breaking up with Alison?”

“You can’t break up with someone you’re not officially involved with,” Spencer shrugs.

I want to kill him right now.

“God, Spencer. What are you doing?”

The question is primarily rhetorical, but Spencer answers nonetheless.

“Living, (Y/N). I’m living for the first time in my life.”

Can I argue with that logic? Sure. There is so much I can tell him. But I’m tired. Spencer doesn't see or hear reasons. Not even from me. It seems I have lost the privilege of being listened to by him.

Since that talk, I can’t stop thinking about what I am doing. Am I clasping onto something it doesn't exist anymore?

I don’t know the answer, and I don’t know if I want to get one. I’m just holding until I can’t do it anymore.

And that's how time flies. Things look relatively the same, and I'm just trying to float so I don't drown.

We just ended a gruesome case in Arizona. Our jet landed an hour ago, and everyone is in the mood for a drink. Rossi and Matt are the only ones with excuses to go home early.

Once there, Penelope grabs Luke’s hands and drags him to the dance floor. JJ offers to get us some drinks. Emily volunteers to help her.

Spencer is quiet, looking at me, but I barely notice. My mind is elsewhere.

“Are you okay?” He asks. The question takes me by surprise. In the past weeks, we haven’t talked that much.

“Yeah. Good. The case, you know?”

Spencer nods, but I see the worry lingering.

“You know you can tell me anything, right?”

I want to say I believe him, but I don’t. It’s been months since I felt that close to him. But even if I don’t believe him, I may voice my concern again.

“I don’t know,” I preface, and Spencer’s attention is full on me. It's weird, to say the least, but I will take the chance. “There is this thing bugging me. About our-” I can’t end my idea before the sound of someone squealing ‘Spencer!’ reach our ears.

The man in question snaps his head up. It's Alison. Before I can say anything, he stands, and after mumbling a ‘sorry,’ he goes to the girl calling his name.

There it goes. Nothing. Again.

I sigh before sipping my drink. What was I hoping, anyway?

JJ and Emily return to our table and ask for Spencer. Not even looking behind, I gesture to my back. They understand.

We set for drinking and complaining about whatever comes to mind. I know they know, but they are respectful enough not to push me.

The night is progressing, and I enroll in conversation with Luke and Penelope when they return from their dancing. After they leave, Emily cracks jokes to make me laugh, and JJ does her best to lose a little.

The sound of glass crushing gets our attention to the bar. There he was. Spencer is between two girls who are arguing about something. I recognize Alison, but not the other one.

“Ups. Someone is in trouble,” Emily mused. JJ shakes her head in a disapproving mood. I see Spencer’s eyes darting between the girls and trying to soothe the argument, failing miserably.

I ponder my options. I can leave him to deal with his mess for once or give him a hand. Emily reads my mind.

“Are you sure?” she asks. I shrug, standing from my spot.

“I wouldn’t like to see him complaining because one of those girls broke a bottle on his head.”

I stroll to where the action is happening, morphing my annoyed look into a confident one.

"Hey baby, I was looking for you!” I chirp, using the most loving voice as my arms wrap around Spencer’s torso.

The girls don’t look happy with my intrusion.

"We were talking with Spencer," Alison says as if I don't know that.

"Yeah, he was about to explain who he’ll choose between us," the other girl adds.

If I could have rolled my eyes, I would do it. Are they that naive? But they have a point: maybe Spencer would do what they want under pressure, even if he doesn't like it. That's why I‘m here. I know him.

"I'm so sorry, girls, but you got it wrong. This man is mine, and believe me when I tell you, you should be walking away right now. You don't want to mess with me, his wife, and the mother of his child waiting for us at home, right baby?" Now I talk to him.

Spencer's mouth goes agape, even more than Alison's and the other girl's.

"Your what?!" Alison yells. Her eyes are a few inches to pop out of their sockets.

"You have a child?!" The other looks as shocked as Alison.

Spencer only stutters incoherent words. They aren’t needed, though. After cursing him and letting out a bunch of expletives, both girls stomp out of the bar.

That’s when I notice I still have my arms around him. I pull away and clear my throat.

"You're welcome," I say before turning into my heels.

Spencer wraps my wrist to stop me. His eyes are curious, examining my features as if reading me. I return an annoyed look.

"What?"

"Why did you do it?" He asks as if he is really intrigued by my actions. It may feel more natural for me than for him.

"To save your ass? Come on, Reid. They would have eaten you alive," I scoff. Spencer chuckles, knowing that it is what could have happened.

"Yeah. But why you saved my ass? You could have feasted with the scandal."

I shrug. For a second, it crossed my mind just to be honest and give him a piece of my mind. But it‘s dangerous territory, so I opt for the safer way.

"That's what the friends are for. Even if you deserve being kicked in your ass sometimes," I try to sound light like it isn’t a big deal.

"Friends, uh?" Spencer points, mulling my words. I don't know why that specific word interests him, but I don’t read into it. "Well, thank you, then."

Now he is grinning as if a heavy weight has been lifted from his shoulders.

"You're going home?" I ask, thinking Spencer only wants to disappear from the bar after the recent events. He narrows his eyes and shakes his head like I’m talking nonsense.

"No. Not when I'm free to have a good time, at last."

"What?"

"Do you see those girls over there?" He points with his look to a group of women giggling and drinking on the opposite side of the bar.

My stomach drops to my feet as I look at him in disbelief.

"Are you fucking kidding me right now?"

"To you? I would never. You're my best friend. Thanks again," Spencer says warmly before kissing my cheek and strolling to the group he has spotted.

And here I am, standing in the middle of the bar, with words stuck in my throat and the feeling that the last 10 minutes hadn't even happened. The bartender stares at me with that empathetic look that reflects more pity than anything else. I look back at him and ask for a drink. Since I’m there, I won’t waste the chance of alcohol replacing the burning I already feel in my stomach.

"Don't tell me. You saved his ass just to let him have the chance to screw it up again," Emily summarizes when I return to the table with my drink. Both have seen all the action in the bar that transpired a while ago.

"That's what the friends are for, right?" I mockingly parrot my own words. JJ scoffs.

"I don't doubt your loyalty to Spence. But don't you think it's too much? I mean, you cover him in all your capacities, and he's not taking any responsibility for his actions," she proffers. Emily nods in agreement.

"He has been through a lot. He's lost and needs help," I argue, sipping my vodka.

"We know that. But it's time Spencer takes the reign of his life. Also, it's time you focus on your own," Emily says, pointing her index finger at me.

"What do you mean?" I ask defensively.

And there are again the pity looks.

"We know you have feelings for him. That's more than friendship, we can tell. But it's not going anywhere, and you know it. When was the last time you dated, uh?" JJ questions. Her words stab me right in my chest. I let out a deep sigh.

"Exactly." Emily seconds. "You need to think about what's healthy for you. That doesn't mean you don't care about Spencer, but he must figure it out himself."

As a cue, I turn to look at the bar direction. Spencer wraps his arm around a girl's waist, his lips ghosting her ear, whispering God knows what but making the girl giggle.

JJ and Emily are right. I’m not genuinely helping him. It is just the faint hope that I could make him see me. Really see me.

After another drink with the girls, I decide to go home.

And I decide it is time to let him go.

But honestly speaking, what does that mean? It's not that feelings can disappear overnight. It's not that one day you wake up and say, "That's enough." At the end of the day - feelings aside - Spencer is my friend, and he trusts me even in his darkest moments. But the girls are right when they say friendship goes both ways. It doesn't work if he can't respect my boundaries.

So I went over my limits. What am I willing to tolerate, and what am I not? In the first place, I won’t cover him up in lies in front of the team anymore. If he has to take a scolding from Emily for being irresponsible, so be it. Second, I won’t put up with being the go-to person for any of his mess with women. And finally, I’m not going to justify his behavior to anyone. If anyone has a problem with him, they should tell him directly. I would no longer be an interlocutor between Spencer Reid and the rest of the world.

It didn’t pass long before those limits were tested again.

Some days after what happened at the bar, I arrived at the BAU for a new case. We scheduled the meeting in the conference room at 9:00.

It’s 9:05, and Spencer still has yet to arrive. As expected, everyone is asking me what happened to Reid. I shrug. At the same time, Spencer texts me, saying he is running late and asking me to say he had a problem on the subway. I know it isn’t true, so I pretend I never got the message. That brought him explaining himself to Emily when he arrived all disheveled at 9:30.

Things like that keep happening. Spencer keeps showing up late for work and lies about the reasons. Sometimes he is nowhere to see in the bullpen, only to reappear with his hair untamed and his shirt partially untucked. Those times, opposite to the previous ones, I don’t tell him to fix himself.

Not to mention the number of calls and texts he has sent me in unholy hours to ask me what he should do about his new conquers. Calls and texts I start to ignore. That last behavior is what he resented the most, I could tell.

One morning he shows up at the conference room where I’m checking a stack of files scattered over the table. The rest of the team minding their own business downstairs.

"Are you mad at me?" He bluntly asks. I raise an eyebrow, looking at him from my manila folder.

"No. I'm not,” I reply, unbothered. But if I know Spencer enough, he will not be satisfied with my answer.

"Yes, you are. You have been avoiding me. Last night I called you, and you didn't answer."

He is the one mad at me. Or at least upset. Which one was it? It doesn’t matter; he feels ignored, and he hates it.

"I was sleeping,” I answer with the same flat tone. That spurs more of his anger.

"That's not true. You don't hit the pillow before 1 am!"

Well, Spencer does pay attention, at least for that kind of thing. Months ago, I would have felt flattered. Now? It feels void and just to his service.

"Maybe last night I did."

Spencer scoffs this time.

"I don't think so. I know you (Y/N),” he defies. Maybe he thought I would bite the bullet and apologize for ignoring him.

"Whatever. Why you called me, anyway? Did you want to tell me how your new girl screamed your name in bed?" I deadpan.

Spencer’s eyes widened.

"What?! No! I- I just,” he pauses. “I just wanted to talk to you!"

“Why?” I interject.

I’m so tired of this. I’m tired of the real reasons why Spencer needs me.

His face flushes, thinking of his following words.

“I - uh. We haven’t talked in a long time. Our last movie night was a month ago. And you haven’t called me either. I miss you,” he mumbles.

I huff a laugh. Does he really think I would believe that?

“You see me every day here, Reid,” I say with the same monotonous tone, returning my gaze to the file I’m reading.

Reid. That should have been the sign he searches for, even if his mind isn’t clear enough to put two and two together.

He scoots closer, softly bending down the file in my hands.

“(Y/N), hey. Please, talk to me. Don’t let me in the dark,” he pleads. I turn my gaze away from him. The sadness and the anger boil inside. It’s exhausting.

“I'm sorry. Whatever I did, I’m sorry. I want to fix it. Tell me what it is,” Spencer insists, this time with a hand over mine.

I glance at him in silence. Could a look be enough to convey everything stuck in my chest? Years ago, it could have worked with Spencer. The friendship we had back then was stronger enough to make that happen. Just a look, and each one knew what the other was thinking. Now it is just noise that could or not mean something.

How he looks at me now, lost in the signs I‘m giving him and eager for me to say something, tells me what I already know. I wonder if I would let it out this time or bottle it up again.

“I’m just tired, you know?”

My mouth works on its own accord. My brain isn’t able to stop it. Spencer examines my face looking for something to anticipate what could be coming. His clueless is irritating.

“I’m tired of hoping you can realize how badly you hurt yourself—and waiting for you to do something about it,” I blurt, knowing this is not what he wants to hear.

“What do you mean?” He asks, leaning back in a defensive mode.

“You know exactly what I mean. You are failing yourself, Spencer. You still can’t stand your ground. And you keep ignoring it!”

I punctuate my statement by shoving the file over the table. Spencer gets startled by my action.

“If you are talking about what happened the other night in the bar. It doesn't -” He explains, but I cut him off.

“No! It's everything! Can’t you see it? It's the way you lie to your teammates, the way you do your job, like it doesn't matter to you. The way you turn everything into something meaningless. The relationships you have, your job, your friends. Everything!”

Spencer’s face steels. I know he doesn't like being called out. He hates that. But I wouldn’t spare him the trouble this time.

“You are being unfair (Y/N),” he says with gritted teeth, standing to put some distance from me.

“Am I? Oh, no. If something I’m sure of is the unfairness doesn't fall on me.”

I spit back, standing as well to show him I wouldn’t back off. After running his hands through his hair, he turns to me. He has a look of betrayal on him.

Betrayal? The audacity of this man.

"Yes! You are! You, better than anyone, know it hasn't been easy for me! Life - life in Millburn changed me, and it has been so difficult to settle it down. You know that! Those were the worst three months of my life!"

Millburn. It was like a prohibited word for us. He didn't like to say it or hear it from me.

"So that gives you the right to ruin the good things in your life, uh? Because you are a lost soul in this world?” I try to reason, but that only gives me a burlesque laugh from him.

"And what if it were so? It's not like I have much to lose, right?"

And there it is—the broken man. The guy who still believes no one loves him and he doesn't deserve to be loved. All the years of work to put those walls down returned to zero after he got imprisoned.

"Do you really believe that? Do you really believe your self-destructive behavior only affects you? I didn't think you were so selfish, Spencer."

Although I know the answer, I ask nonetheless. And even though I know that selfishness isn’t something Spencer deliberately wants, maybe voicing it could help me to bring him back.

“Selfish? Says the person I trusted with my life, and now it’s throwing everything back to me?”

Or not.

“Stop doing that! Stop assuming everyone is attacking you! If we need to blame someone, of course, we can blame Cat Adams. But now she’s dead, Spencer! And what about you? For God’s sake! You had endured so much in your life, and now you’re going to let that bitch keep destroying you from the grave?”

My voice gets hoarse from the yelling, and for the first time during this conversation, Spencer doesn't spit something back immediately.

The hurt expression on his face morphs into defeat. He doesn't want to fight back. He doesn’t want to get out of the hole.

We keep looking at each other silently, daring the other to say anything.

Spencer tries to mask his glassy eyes, breaking eye contact and looking at the ceiling. And seeing him like this spurs the desire to run and hug him, holding him. But I can’t. I swore not to back down.

“I’m sorry, (Y/N). But this is who I am now,” he mumbles after a few minutes.

I exhale sharply. Why is it so difficult for him to understand?

“Keep telling yourself that, but deep down, you know it's not true,” I argue, but with no energy to keep yelling. But it's like fuel to Spencer’s anger.

“Why do you care anyway? Is it because you are my friend?” He mockingly air quotes the word ‘friend.’ “Well, it seems my friendship doesn't satisfy you anymore, does it?”

I pinch the bridge of my nose, closing my eyes.

“Don’t say that.”

“Why not? You are not comfortable with the person I am. You don't want my company anymore. You don’t trust me. It's very clear to me.”

I need to get out of here before I say something I may regret or Spencer does it burying any chance of us being okay again.

“Where are you going? Doesn’t feel okay hearing the truth, (Y/N)?”

“You are angry, and we can’t keep talking like this,” I mumbled, trying to pass to the exit door.

“Are you chicken out now? That's how you understand loyalty?” Spencer calls me out this time. He’s testing me, and I can’t take it anymore.

“Don’t question my loyalty. If anything, loyalty is what you have been getting from me since always! Don’t you dare to doubt it!”

My voice is going to break at any minute, and I don’t know what to do to push away this suffocating feeling.

”Let me have suspicions about that,” he scoffs, and I want to cry.

How unfair. How painful.

“Oh no, no, no. Not that. You know what? I’m done. Fuck you, Spencer! Fuck you and your fucking cluelessness and self-loathing. I have been by your side in thick and thin. I have given you everything!”

I bet my screaming is being heard throughout the entire floor right now, but I don’t fucking care. I’m not going to stop right now. “God! Even I would have died for you! But you don’t deserve anything of it. You don’t deserve my loyalty and much less my love.”

I notice how Spencer’s eyes widen with my last sentence.

“Your what,” he barely mumbles.

The secret is out. But it's too late. I pinch the bridge of my nose and take a deep breath.

“Yes. You heard right. I said, ‘My love.’ Because I fucking love you. I have been in love with you for ages! But I chose our friendship above all, and what I got? A friend who can’t see beyond his shit. Hell, everyone’s right. I deserve better!”

I can’t stop the tears from springing, and I hate myself for not being stronger to endure this.

“(Y/N)… why you didn't tell me?”

He's being cautious and slowly tries to approach, reaching for my hand.

“Don’t fucking touch me!”

“(Y/N),” he tries again. “We can talk about this, please.”

I hate this. I don't want his pity. Honestly, I don't want anything at all. I thought saying the truth would help me to lift a weight from my shoulders. Now I just want to run anywhere in the world where nobody knows me. I’m sick, and being by his side, in any capacity, would no do better to me.

“No. We can’t. Too little too late, Spencer. I’m done. I really hope you can find whatever you're looking for. I hope you do. You deserve to be happy. And so do I. Take care, okay? And I’m sorry for lying to you. I told you I’ll always be by your side, but I can’t. Not like this.”

I look at him for the last time, patting his shoulder and giving him a sad smile. He doesn't say anything; he only stands there, following my steps with his gaze until I reach the door and shut it behind me.

——————

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