#I used to change my phone background like once a week

[crowfanity]

Awakening hyperfixation grabbed me by the throat and slammed me against a wall. Again.

[kikidoul]

── HELPING HAND.

໒꒰ྀི ^ ⸝⸝ ^ ꒱ྀིა 양정원 x fem! reader content established relationship non-idol au college/university au jungwon rides a motorbike here ᥫ᭡ warning explicit sexual content unprotected sex (stay safe!) petnames used fingering pussy eating cum eating brief dirty talk (like 1-2 sentences?) public sex jungwon being a tease whoops. . .!? 1769 — mlist.

note. this was inspired by the airport pictures of jungwon when he was going to the prada pop-up store in taipei. his outfit reminds me of a boyfriend who rides a bike, so yeah! taglist. @tfwbluu

You let out a long and heavy sigh, rubbing your shoulders as you paused to stretch your arms, raising them above your head. Groaning at the muscle cramps, you leaned back in your seat and stared at the ceiling, getting lost in your thoughts. Your examinations are around the corner and you have been spending the past few weeks staring at your notes, occasionally neglecting your own health. Needless to say, your boyfriend took it upon himself to check up on you. He didn’t want you to collapse halfway. 

Bzzt, bzzt. 

You grabbed your phone, squinting your eyes against the blinding light as the screen lit up. 

Jungwon: Get ready in five, I’m coming to pick you up. 

You stared at the message, bemused and decided to call him. Jungwon picked up at the first rang. 

“Wonie, what’s with the message? Where are we going?” You asked, idly spinning your pen in between your index and middle fingers. You could faintly make-out the sound of his motorbike’s engine purring in the background along with the sounds of traffic. 

“I’m taking you out so you can relax for a while. I know you’ve been studying nonstop. Besides, is it a crime to see my girlfriend?” Jungwon replied, his smooth words making your cheeks flushed red. 

“Fine, see you later then,” you hung up, changing into more appropriate clothes.

You grabbed your keys and phone, slipping on your sneakers and stepped out of the house. You were just in time when a familiar motorbike came to a stop outside your home. Jungwon remained seated, pulling his helmet off, leaving his hair all messed up. He grins as you stop before him, leaning in to press a chaste kiss on his cheeks. 

“Hi,” you greeted, laughing when he pulled you closer with one hand wrapped around your waist. 

“I think you missed a spot,” he pointed out, ducking his head to kiss you squarely on your lips. It was a sweet and short kiss but it was enough for him to express his feelings towards you. Plus, it was also enough to make your heart flutter. 

“What a sap,” you teased, moving away and wearing the helmet he handed you. Jungwon drove off, leaving a trail of smoke behind once you were seated, with your arms wrapped around his waist. 

~

“W-Wonie, wait! Ngh!” You gasped through the kisses, unable to move away as you were being firmly pressed between his bike and your boyfriend’s chest. 

You should have known he was up to something amiss when you realised he brought you to the rooftop of a multi-storey car park. There were no signs of life, considering how normal people were already asleep as it is two in the morning. Jungwon mischievously grinned into the kiss, his warm hands snaking its way underneath your shirt. 

You gasped at the contrast of his palm against your cold skin and Jungwon used this as a chance to lift you up, making you sit on the narrow seat of his bike. To steady yourself and not fall backwards, you wrapped your legs around his waist, lips still interlocked. You obediently parted your lips, allowing him to explore the insides of your mouth. You tilted your head back, allowing Jungwon to trail kisses down your neck. 

Your breath hitched in your throat when his lips landed on your pulse point near your throat, flinching as he sucked and bit on your unblemished skin, no doubt leaving a mark behind. Invisible alarm bells went off in your mind when you felt his hand snaking down, tracing the hem of your shorts. You immediately stopped him, grabbing his wrist and breaking the kiss. 

“Wonie, are you serious? Right here?” You hissed in disbelief.��

His boba-like eyes glimmered, lips curling up. “Why not? You can be quiet, right?” He emphasized on the final word, pushing his hand down your shorts to rub your clit through the thin fabric of your panties. 

The contact made your mind blanked out, head leaning back as a high-pitched whine was drawn from the depths of your throat. Jungwon’s eyes remained fixated on your expression, greedily drinking in every minor change. He grinned when he felt your panties getting wetter and wetter. Without hesitation, he pulled down your shorts and panties, dropping them to the floor, ignoring the offended “hey!” from you. 

“Fuck!” 

You yelped, blindly flailing your hands about to find something to grab onto when you felt a familiar wet muscle gliding along your folds. You ended up digging your nails into the leather material of the seat, letting out uneven breaths as Jungwon eats you out like no tomorrow. He parted your puffy lips with his left index and middle fingers, sliding one long, thick finger in from his right hand to prep you. At the same time, he slid his tongue further in, humming as you bucked your hips forward at the delirious sensation.

“J-Jungwon—hah—p-please,” you pleaded, eyes rolling up as he inserted another finger, moving them in a scissor-like motion. The fact that you felt full from just his fingers made him chuckled—the vibration drawing a pathetic mewl from you. 

“Look at you, for someone who hesitated, you sure are eager,” he coos, faux sweetness in his voice. “All you needed was to be stuffed and you’re already a mess. Am I wrong?” 

You were tempted to reply with something snarky but the moment Jungwon twisted his fingers at the correct angle, you were a goner. 

“Wonie, oh god, please, please, I’m gonna cum,” you moaned, feeling the familiar way your muscles tightened. Your legs twitched as Jungwon harshly sucked on your clit and that was enough to make you spill into his awaiting mouth, not wanting to waste a single drop. 

You felt like you were floating, panting heavily to catch your breath. Your ears faintly make-out the sounds of Jungwon unzipping his pants. You yelped when he manhandled you, forcing you to stand on your trembling legs with your back facing him, leaving you to rest your elbows on the seat to support yourself. 

“Jungwon, wait—” You protested, nervousness seeping into your voice as you felt him nudging your legs apart, followed by him teasingly gliding his cock against your folds, collecting your juices to act as lubricant. 

“What? Look me in the eyes and tell me you don’t want this and I’ll stop,” he said, reaching out to grab your chin, turning your head around as he forced you to look at him.

Jungwon raised an eyebrow and you squirmed on the spot, feeling shy with how his intense gaze never left your face. You looked to the side but he wasn’t pleased. He tightened his grip, hard enough to elicit a hiss from you but not hard enough for pain to linger. 

“Look at me,” he demanded, his eyes darkened. 

You gulped, tongue darting out to lick your lips. The way his eyes followed the movement didn’t go unnoticed. “P-Please…” 

“Please what?” 

You whined, going the extra mile by batting your eyelashes at him, putting on an innocent act. “Please fuck me, Jungwon. Stop teasing me.” 

He hums, pleased with your response and kisses your forehead—an action so sweet and loving despite your current situation. “Well done, princess. That wasn’t so hard, was it?” 

This piece of shit! 

Your left eyebrow subtly twitched, anger flaring up but it was gone the moment Jungwon slowly pushes in, stretching you wide open to accommodate him. You hissed in pain as you struggled to adjust to his size. No matter how many times you’ve done this, it was impossible to take him; something that your boyfriend never fails to tease you about. 

“Fuck, how are you still so tight even after I’ve prepped you?” He cursed, already sounding ragged as he watched the way his cock slowly disappeared, inch by inch as he sunk into your warmth. 

Both of you groaned when he was fully in but the moment didn’t last long, not when Jungwon started thrusting, his hips snapping against your skin. Your elbows were violently quivering as you tried to hold yourself up but it was futile, not when you could feel him hitting the same spot, over and over, enough to make you see stars in your vision. You would have been face-planted if he didn’t pull you towards him with one hand wrapped around your waist. 

The rooftop was filled with the obscene sound of smacking flesh and your melody of sounds. Jungwon had to silence you with a kiss when you were getting too loud, not wanting anyone to walk in on the two of you. He swallowed your breathless mewls with his persistent lips, his free hand running down your body to rub your swollen clit in small, hurried circles. 

“Wonie, I’m not gonna last,” you whined into his mouth, gripping onto his broad shoulders for dear life as he continued his ruthless pace. 

He turned you around, returning you to your previous position as you sat on the edge of the seat. You wrapped your legs around his waist and the change of position allowed him to hit deeper, drawing another series of moans from you. 

“Yeah? You wanna cum for me, pretty girl?” He pants, eyes never leaving your face as he continues to rub your clit. 

You frantically nodded your head, eyes squeezed shut. “Mhm! Please!”

“Then cum, I want to see you fall apart.” 

At his order, you reach your orgasm and Jungwon follows suit a few seconds later. You whined, your walls fluttering around his cock as he emptied himself inside you. At this point, your shirt was clinging onto your sweaty skin and you groaned at the uncomfortable feeling. Your boyfriend pulled out and you instinctively clamped your legs shut, shivering as you felt his cum trickling down your legs. He was kind enough to help you wear your panties and shorts and gave a playful slap to your ass. In return, you smacked his shoulder. 

“You’re ridiculous! I can’t believe you dragged me out of the house just to have sex,” you scolded him, arms crossed over your chest as you scowled. 

Jungwon chuckled, pulling out a packet of wet tissues as he cleans you, himself and the seat with different pieces before tossing them to the nearest bin. “I did say I was taking you out to relax.” 

“And this is your idea of relaxing?” You rolled your eyes. 

He smirks, wrapping his arms around your waist as he kisses your cheek. “I didn’t hear you complaining though.” 

“Yang Jungwon, I’m going to kill you.” 

[419jhat]

Not Just Friends

Summary: Eddie flirts with Steve constantly, and Steve flirts back. The lines start to blur, and Eddie gets all in his head about it, until he sees Steve with another guy and realizes that their weird little game was never that special at all. Or...maybe Steve's just a dumbass.

Rating: T

Word Count: 5,230

***

“Family Video, this is Steve.”

“Hey, hot stuff, wanna make a big mistake?” Eddie asks.  

“You sure it wouldn't be a small mistake?” Steve shoots back with zero hesitation.

“What- I'll have you know, it would be a very big mistake, Harrington. Extra large, ok? Ok maybe not extra large but definitely large,” Eddie insists.

“Eddie,” Steve sighs, “did you call me this morning for a specific reason or are you awake with the sun for once on accident?”

Eddie clears his throat. He’ll never get over how easily Steve accepts the flirting. It makes him wonder what's going on in that pretty little head. Did he think Eddie was joking? Did he secretly like it?

“Do you want a movie or something? I'm free tonight,” Eddie asks, fiddling with the phone cord.

“What makes you think I'm free tonight?”

“The fact that you're never doing anything?” 

“Jesus, Munson. Or something.”

“What?” Eddie asks.

“I work at a movie store. I watch movies all day. No movies. I want the something.”

“It's a date,” Eddie dares to say.

“Whatever you say,” Steve says. Eddie can hear the smile in his voice just before the line goes dead. He feels a little accomplished, even if all he did was invite the guy over. Something he did every week at this point. But hey, this was progress, right?

He turns to look at the clutter in his bedroom and recalls the expression in Steve's face when he saw how dirty his old mattress was. 

He starts cleaning.

About an hour later, when he's been thoroughly sidetracked with reorganizing the miniatures on his dresser, he hears a knock at the door. He flings the bedsheet into something nicer than the crumpled mess it had been and rushed to the door.

“Welcome to my humble abode, your highness,” he says with as he opens the door. Steve's fanning his shirt, sweat dripping down his forehead, but still waits patiently for Eddie to get out of the way like the perfect little houseguest. When he does, Steve beelines straight for Eddie's bedroom. He strips his shirt off and collapses on the bed under the window AC, basking in the cool air.

“Damn, Harrington, I see how it is,” Eddie says, then he squeaks when Steve balls up his shirt and tosses it at his head.

“Can’t you buy me dinner first? I'm feeling used,” Eddie jokes.

Steve pats the bed next to him.  “Lay down next to me.”

Eddie listens, because he's a hopeless fool. He leaves some room between them, since he's already been coming on kind of strong today and doesn't want to scare Steve off for real. But then Steve closes the gap and rests his head on Eddie's chest.

He says something. Eddie's not sure what it is because he's too busy trying not to do something stupid like pulls steve on top of him and squeeze him as tight as he can.

“Hmm?” Eddie asks, when he realizes Steve is silent again.

“I said, do you want to turn on the radio?”

“Oh! Why didn't you say so?” Eddie asks with a nervous chuckle.

“I did,” Steve says.

Eddie balances on his elbow and awkwardly stretches to reach the radio without jostling Steve's head. He's starting to form a cramp in his wrist from twisting it all wrong just to reach the thing when the weight on his chest lifts and suddenly, a shirtless Steve Harrington has one arm braced by Eddie's head and the other reaching across him.

Eddie stares at the hair on his chest, the dusty nipples right within reach of his mouth, the little moles dotting across his skin, tanned from whatever it was he willingly did outside in the summer heat all day.

“Got it,” Steve says, and suddenly Madonna’s singing in the background.

“You changed the channel,” Eddie complains distractedly. His palms are sweaty. He's hoping and praying that Steve won't look at his face and see whatever expression he's making because just knows it's going to be embarrassing. And apparently the man upstairs is on his side because Steve just lowers himself right there, right onto Eddie's chest. 

“Your heart is racing,” he says.

Eddie can feel it, just like he can feel the rise and fall of Steve's chest with every breath, and the way his fingers curl around the hem of Eddie's t-shirt.

“Because you're so heavy,” Eddie scolds lightly, using the opportunity to touch the bare skin on Steve's back. He lets his hands linger there, and then decides to take a bigger risk and indulges a little, running his hand down his spine and then back up again to the soft hair at the nape of his neck. It's gotten a little long. He wonders if Steve's planning on growing it out as he plays with it.

“You know, people make fun of her, but Madonna is actually really talented. Did you see her new music video on MTV? She really knows how to stick it to the conservatives,” Eddie rambles. He's not sure why he's saying it. He respects Madonna, but he's more nervous of Steve realizing how weirdly intimate this position is and punching him in retaliation, or something.

“Yeah?” Steve asks. Eddie can feel his mouth moving against him as he speaks. And then, just because Steve is for some reason compelled by the universe to drive Eddie insane, he says, “I bet you could do better.”

Eddie tries not to scream.

~.~.~

Steve calls him next time. Doesn't even introduce himself, like he knows that the mere sound of his voice commands Eddie to do his bidding.

“Hey, man. Want me to pick you up after work?”

Eddie's never been one to need a plan to agree to something, but obviously he's going to say yes. Steve could invite him to sit in the ocean as the tide went up and he'd be perfectly fine doing it. 

“Sure,” he says casually. He tries to think of what else to say, but before he can, Steve's already hung up.

Eddie got a new job through Wayne's buddy at the local parks and rec center, cleaning up and maintaining their public spaces. It's outside, which practically burns his soul through the mandatory jumper he has to wear in the summer heat, but he likes that people leave him alone. The town still doesn't trust him, but he puts up with it for Wayne and the kids.

And Steve.

He stands outside and waits next to the tiny building his boss does all the paperwork in, blocking the sun from his face with his hand until he sees that familiar BMW rolling towards him.

“Did you have a good day?” Steve asks, because he's genuinely nice like that.

“Eh,” Eddie says as he climbs into the passenger seat, “I had to wash vomit off a slide from a kid's birthday party. I've had better.”

Steve's nose wrinkles with sympathy. He's got the windows down, probably because it's hot as balls outside, but it's whipping his hair all over the place. Eddie wants to reach over and fix it, but he's not so sure Steve would like that. He's so distracted by it all that he doesn't even notice they're pulling to a stop on the road that backs up to the quarry.

“What's going on?” Eddie asks.

Steve smiles wickedly.

“Wanna smoke?” he asks.

“Oh?” Eddie says, lifting an eyebrow. He didn't expect that. Especially since it's his weed Steve's asking to smoke.

“You asking or offering, Harrington?”

“Both,” he says coyly, pulling a spare joint from his box of cigarettes. It's one Eddie gave him a few days earlier. He lights up and passes it over, his hand hovering in the short space between them. Eddie stares, thinking about how Steve's lips were just on the end of it, and now his lips are going to be too. It's kind of like a kiss, in a way. The idea makes him blush.

“So…is this how you treat all the girls, big boy?” Eddie teases.

“What?” Steve asks. He doesn't sound angry, so Eddie keeps pushing. 

“A secluded parking spot in the woods at dusk, some weed, windows down. All we're missing is a little music and it could make a guy fall in love,” Eddie says, holding a hand to his heart.

Steve turns the keys in the ignition, bringing the radio and AC back to life.

“One can only dream,” Steve says with a wink that has no business being as smooth as it is.

And God, how Eddie can dream. He wonders yet again, if Steve is really this oblivious to their little game. 

Steve turns the car back off and runs a hand through his hair like he does when he's thinking hard about something. Eddie can only hope it's that he's suddenly realizing that he's into men. He takes the joint, willing himself to stop thinking of foolish things. 

With the car off, and it's starting to get disgustingly warm, so he focuses on that instead. Focuses so much on it that he ends up peeling the top half of his jumper off revealing an old ripped Metallica shirt.

“I'm sorry we couldn't save your guitar,” Steve says suddenly. 

“Hmm?” Eddie asks. He meets Steve's eyes in the rearview mirror. Steve's staring at his shirt. “Oh, it's ok. I mean, it isn't, actually. I'll miss that thing until the end of time. But that's kind of the point, right? I can miss it because you guys saved my life, so, it's fine.”

He's rambling, because it feels ungrateful to feel sad about the loss of his guitar. His baby. His one and only. 

Steve places a comforting hand just above his knee. It's warm, and weirdly intimate enough that it shakes Eddie out of his mournful thoughts.

“It's ok to be sad, man. You were pretty cool with that thing,” he says.

Eddie can't process Steve Harrington telling him he looked cool and touching his thigh at the same time. It's simply too much for him to handle. He takes another hit, keeping his mouth too busy to say something embarrassing. 

“I never got to see you perform. I mean, I saw a bit of your show in the upside down, but nothing else,” Steve says.

“I can play something for you sometime,” Eddie says, before he can think it through.

“You'd do that for me?” Steve asks. Which is a stupid question. Eddie would obviously do anything for Steve.

His hand is still on Eddie's thigh. Guys don't usually do that, do they? Was Steve flirting with him for once? Without provocation?

“Yeah, I've got another guitar. It's an acoustic, but it does the job.”

Steve's quiet for a moment. Long enough that Eddie focuses back on his fingers slowly tapping his knees, like he's thinking something through.

“You want to go swimming?” Steve asks.

“... really?” Eddie asks, surprised that Steve would even want to after everything that happened with the upside down. Steve seems to understand, because his expression softens and then he shrugs. 

“I think it would be easier if someone went with me,” he says softly.

It occurs to Eddie that this must have been Steve's plan the whole time, and maybe the weed and talk of guitars was just a distraction. It's honest and vulnerable enough that it makes him feel a little honored that he held Steve’s trust. He can't say no to that, so he agrees before he can even ask about swimsuits. 

Steve releases his knee and climbs out of the car, walking toward the Quarry with a look over his shoulder to check if Eddie's following. Eddie wipes the sweat from his brow and looks up just in time to see Steve removing his shirt. 

He can't look away, and that's how he gets the shock of his life when Steve removes his jeans too.

“Oh- uh,” Eddie stutters.

Then, off goes the underwear and Eddie's got an eye full of a round, tan, Harrington ass. 

At this point, the sun is setting and Eddie doubts anyone could see them in any amount of detail. But he doesn't know what to do with a naked hot dude right in front of him. Does he touch? He wants to touch. But Steve is confusing, and touching might not go well. Instead of standing around like a lovesick dumbass, Eddie wolf whistles and dramatically fans his face.

“Well, I'll be damned, Harrington. Maybe you're the extra large between the two of us!” he says, even though he can't actually see Steve's dick with him turned around. Steve completely ignores him.

“Come on!” he says, rushing toward the shoreline. Eddie quickly decides that he likes Steve enough to get naked with him, even if it's not in a sexy way. He kicks off his boots and leaps toward the water with a shout.

~.~.~

Steve’s got his head resting in the spot between Eddie's thigh and hip bone, competing for space next to his guitar as Eddie plucks away songs he knows he'd recognize.

“You're so talented,” Steve says, for the millionth time that night. He's repeating it over and over, pushing Eddie's ego sky high. 

“I just play what I hear,” he says humbly.

“I can't even sing what I hear,” Steve says with a little laugh. He's got his legs hanging over the edge of the couch, feet tapping along to the best as Eddie plays.

“It's not that hard. I can show you, if you want,” Eddie says.

Steve looks up at him through his hair. “Really?”

“Get up, buttercup, and I'll give you a short lesson,” Eddie says.

Steve lifts himself away from Eddie and sits up on the couch, shoving Wayne's favorite pillow into the floor. Eddie decides the pillow can survive the disrespect and shoves the only remaining shard of his shattered musical soul into Steve's arms. Steve holds onto it like it's made of glass, which is a good first step in Eddie's opinion.

Eddie moves Steve's fingers into the correct position to play Yesterday, which is kind of setting a beginner up for failure with the bar chords. 

“Move your other hand like this,” Eddie said, mimicking the strumming motion. Steve tries and fails. Eddie grabs his hand and tries to help, but he still doesn't get it. His brows are furrowed cutely as he focuses hard on the strings like they'll make it all work out for him.

“Let me show you,” Eddie says, pulling Steve so his back is pressed against Eddie's chest. He wraps his arms around him, pretending that being this close doesn't make him want to kiss the top of his shoulder and bear hug him until they fall asleep. He laces his fingers through Steve's, helping him feel exactly where to go.

“Your fingers go here, and your other hand moves like this,” he says over Steve's shoulder.

It's impractical and isn't teaching Steve anything. He just likes the feeling of Steve against him, the way he accepts Eddie's hands against his without any weird looks. Eddie hums the lyrics, a bit unable to stop himself because the song is a classic, until Steve lifts their hands away from the guitar and curls his fingers around Eddie's, looking at them closely. Steve pulls Eddie's hands close to his face and twists one of his rings, rubbing his thumb against the pad of Eddie's left pointer finger. He wishes he could see his expression.

“Is this what girls mean when they talk about guys that play guitar?” Steve finally asks.

Eddie laughs, sharp and loud, which makes Steve shoulder him away. 

“Don't shout in my ear,” Steve complains. 

Eddie scoots back on the couch, still laughing. Steve rolls his eyes and plucks at the guitar with his thumb.

“How often are girls telling you about guys that play guitar?”

“I mean, they talk,” Steve shrugs. 

“Oh yeah? What do they say?” Eddie teases, “that you're not doing a good enough job?”

Steve looks up at him sharp. No smile.

“They tell me how it feels,” he says.

Eddie pauses, brains scrambled, because Now he's imagining Steve describing how it feels and it goes straight to his dick. Which is awkward because they're sharing the same couch and Eddie isn't exactly sitting with his legs crossed.

Still, he wants to know more.

“How- uh- what do they say? About how it feels?” he stammers, shifting a little further from Steve. He's feeling a little hot under the collar, and he knows he's really pushing the limits, but he can't help it. Not when Steve's right there, egging him on. Because that's what this is, right? He's not alone in this. Steve has to know what he's doing.

As if to answer Eddie's silent question, Steve scoots closer, squeezing the guitar between them as he leans in, face only a few inches from Eddie's. His knee is digging into Eddie's crotch. If he moves his hips, he's sure Steve would learn just how little Eddie’s playing around. 

That makes him feel even hotter. 

He can feel a puff of hair against his face as Steve laughs lightly, face splitting into a perfect, teasing smile. Steve grabs Eddie's hands and places them around the guitar, fingers brushing against his forehead a moment longer than necessary.

“I don't kiss and tell, Munson,” he says, and then he gets off the couch, leaving Eddie hard as a rock.

~.~.~

Sometimes, Steve spends the night. He falls asleep after an hour of whispering nonsense back and forth in the dark, with his back pressed against Eddie's chest, arms curled close to his body. Then Eddie wakes up to see that Steve is already gone, like the shared heat on the mattress is just a figment of his imagination.

He tries not to let himself think it means anything. He always stays awake a moment longer, always lingering on the man in bed next to him, wondering when he'll finally be sure enough to put himself out of his misery by leaning over for a kiss. 

Then, at least he'll know what this is. 

This time, Eddie wakes up and it's still dark out. Someone is touching him. He turns and sees a figure in his bed, the blankets pooled around their waist.

“Eddie?” Steve asks sleepily.

“Yeah?” Eddie asks.

Now that his eyes are adjusting to the dark, he can see the outline of the moon leaning through the window blinds, turning Steve's hair stark white where the light hits it.

“You were having a nightmare,” Steve says, placing a hand on Eddie's chest. Eddie can feel his heart, frantic and stressed, under Steve's hand. “Are you ok?”

“I'm fine. I don't even remember it,” Eddie says.

Steve slumps down next to him and leans in. Something brushes against Eddie's cheek, something soft and sweet, so quick that Eddie nearly thinks he's dreamt it up- 

A kiss.

Steve just kissed him.

“Goodnight,” he says softly, rolling over like it was nothing. Like he didn't just steal Eddie's heart through his lips. Eddie roughly grabs Steve and hugs him from behind, pulling him as close as possible. He wants to merge into one with this man. He wants signs of Steve across every inch of his skin. Steve makes a sleepy noise of protest, but lets it all happen, and Eddie falls asleep happy with no room for nightmares anymore.

~.~.~

“Who the fuck is that?” Eddie asks, nose scrunched up with disgust. He's just entered Steve's house for some pool party the kids bullied him into hosting, and was instantly met with the most irritating sight he's ever laid eyes upon- a handsome stranger hanging off Steve's shoulder.

“Oh, it's Steve's friend from Italy. Gabriel,” Robin says with a roll of her eyes. “I didn't even know he had friends.”

“Hey, he has us! And the kids!” Eddie says, trying to pretend he isn't watching Steve like a hawk.

“You know what I mean,” Robins says.

Gabriel. 

Fucking Gabriel.

Eddie watches as Steve lingers around this other man. This man and his curly brown hair, lightly tanned skin, muscular body, and soft blue eyes. This man and his touchy hands that linger along Steve's body like they're glued together, playfully grabbing at Steve's sunglasses.

“How long has he known him?” Eddie asks defensively. He crosses his arms across his cropped Dio shirt, suddenly feeling a little inadequate in the presence of fucking Michelangelo over there. 

“Since they were kids,” Robin shrugs.

Eddie's heart feels tight. He's sure he's going to melt like the Wicked Witch of the West, or something equally dramatic. Because Steve is up and close in this random man's space, in a swimsuit nonetheless, showing off his hairy tits and chatting it up like it was totally normal to be practically in someone's lap.

Which, it was.

Between them.

Some girl Eddie doesn't recognize is laughing it up with Nancy and Jonathan off to the side. She's equally gorgeous and Eddie knows right away that she must have come from Italy too. 

Since when did Steve go to Italy? Was this some rich boy shit he'd never learned about? 

“Eddie's here!” Dustin yells from the pool. Eddie's saved from having to fake happiness around the kids by Mike tackling Dustin from behind. He's probably drowning or something, but Eddie's not too concerned because somewhere, music is getting louder and fucking Gabriel is pulling Steve up to dance. Steve and Gabriel move like it's second nature, laughing and a little too close, a little too much hip movement for it to be guys being guys.

Eddie didn't know Steve could dance. He didn't even know Steve liked disco. 

Why does it suddenly feel like he doesn't know Steve at all?

“Whoo! Those two are always like that,” the pretty girl says with a lazy smile. Nancy and Jonathan don't seem too shocked to see Steve acting like this, which is another sign that Eddie is a gullible fool.

“Are you alright?” Robin asks. She sounds worried. Eddie's not looking at her. He's watching Steve plant a kiss on Gabriel's cheek after their stupid little dance stops.

Eddie isn't alright. 

He feels like an idiot. 

He thought they had something special, but it turns out that Steve is just…like that.

He turns and walks into the kitchen, so he can work through his shame in peace. That way, he can behave like a normal human long enough to make an excuse and leave in favor of crying into his ratty trailer pillow that probably still smells like Steve and his stupid hairspray.

“Whoa, what's wrong?” someone asks.

It's Steve, of course. He's standing at the kitchen door, looking at Eddie with genuine concern. His sunglasses are pushed into his hair, artfully keeping it out of his face. He looks behind himself and closes the door before walking up to Eddie, getting in his space.

Eddie steps back.

“I didn't see you get here. You look sick, are you ok?” he asks.

Eddie wants to say that he's fine, but looking into Steve's eyes makes everything worse. Much to his horror, he feels a lump forming in his throat and a familiar burn forming in his eyes. He tries to blink it away, but that just makes a premature tear roll down his cheek. 

Fuck.

Steve steps even closer and lifts his hands to Eddie's face, gently holding him, brushing the tear away with his thumb. And now that it's started, he can't make it stop. Eddie starts to cry even harder.

“Is it Wayne? Did something happen at the trailer?” Steve's asking, appearing to genuinely care.

“No,” Eddie says.

“Are you hurt?”

“No!”

“Did someone-”

“No, no, no! Steve, just stop!” Eddie says, elbowing his way free from Steve's grasp. He feels a little bad about it, when he sees how hurt Steve looks. But he feels too shitty to care much about anything at the moment.

“You're crying, Eddie. Can't I help?”

“You've done enough, honestly,” Eddie says.

“What do you mean?” Steve asks.

“Dude, are you really that dense?” 

Steve kind of shutters at that, and then Eddie really feels bad. He's made an ass of himself and now he's being an ass too. 

“Just- stop, ok? Go back to your Italian boyfriend,” Eddie says.

“Huh? Gabe?” Steve asks. 

Oh, so they have nicknames now?

“Whatever his name is,” Eddie grumbles, even though he knows it's going to be impossible for him to forget that name for the rest of his life. 

Steve scoffs for a second and then shakes his head. “Are you mad that I have other friends?”

Eddie can't believe it. It's the worst case scenario. Steve didn't know. Somehow, Steve was completely oblivious to Eddie's feelings. There was no game between them. Eddie had made it all up in his head. Steve's just an oblivious flirt. He was matching Eddie's weird, lovesick energy.

God, how embarrassing.

“No, Steve,” Eddie says, already done with the conversation and ready for the consequences, “I'm mad that you're flirting with this dude after weeks of flirting with me!”

Steve looks shocked. Like he would've expected maybe a week after the upside down, back before this all began and he didn't know Steve that well. Turns out, he never knew Steve. 

He just thought he did.

“I- I wasn't flirting with you,” Steve says with a nervous little laugh.

“You slept in my bed and kissed me on the cheek. You rubbed your knee against my dick during our guitar lesson.”

Steve's just staring at him like all of this was in Eddie's head, which makes him feel even more defensive.

“You said you knew how it felt to get fingered!” he hisses.

Steve's cheeks go bright red. 

“Oh my God, I've been flirting with you,” he says. He lifts a hand to his forehead, like the information is too much for his head to handle.

“You also- well- I mean…yes?” Eddie says, not really sure what's happening anymore. He's so confused that his tears have stopped. Steve takes a step closer. 

“You've been flirting with me,” he says, pointing at Eddie.

Eddie nods. 

“And I've been flirting with you,” he says, pointing at himself.

Eddie nods again.

“I was flirting with Gabriel! Do you think he's into me?” he asks, pointing at the kitchen door.

Eddie's frown is severe. 

“Sorry, no. Forget I said that. Eddie, I think I have a crush on you,” Steve says with wonder in his voice.

It's Eddie's turn to blush now. He's witnessing Steve realize he's into men. Specifically, that he's into Eddie. Steve paces around the kitchen, combing a hand through his hair in that way he always does when he's thinking hard about something. Eddie recognizes it because he does know Steve, after all. Maybe a little better than Steve knows himself. Steve's cheeks are still bright red and he's breathing kind of weird. It's very strange, to watch someone come out to themselves.

And then Steve starts to cry.

Eddie rushes forward just as Steve leans back against the countertop and curls into himself.

“Hey, no, no, no, it's ok. You're still you,” he says, pulling Steve into a hug. 

What the fuck is happening? 

“I made you cry,” Steve says.

“It's ok,” Eddie says, rubbing his back, “you'll get used to it.”

“I don't want to get used to making you cry!” Steve whisper-shouts. 

“No, I mean that you'll get used to being into men,” Eddie says.

Steve pushes Eddie back a hair and looks him in the eyes.

“Why would I need to get used to it? It's obviously true. I'm upset because I've been such a dick to you,” he says softly.

Eddie just stares at him. He wonders if Steve is ok. Maybe this is what a breakdown looks like? Funny, how quick their mental states flipped during this conversation.

“Steve, it's ok to freak out a little. When I first realized I was into men, I cried until I threw up,” Eddie says.

Steve leans in and kisses him on the cheek, right at the corner of his mouth. It's so light and quick that for a moment, Eddie's not even sure that it happened. It makes his heart flip twice over.

“I'm not freaking out. I'm just trying to figure out how to make it up to you.”

Eddie lifts an eyebrow. Steve's fully serious. He's dried his face and is wrapping his arms around Eddie's back, brushing his hands against the belt loops in his jeans.

“Wow, you're serious. You genuinely-”

Eddie's cut off as Steve pulls him into a real kiss. The kind of kiss he'd seen in movies, sweet but also kind of hot. Eddie wants more. He crowds Steve against the countertop and runs his hands down over that ass he couldn't stop thinking about since seeing it in person, grabs his thighs just under his swim trunks and lifts, pushing their bodies as close as possible.

Steve has one hand tangled in Eddie's hair, steering his head to the side, and another gripping around his back pocket, pulling Eddie's hips right into his.

Eddie can't believe it. Steve's kissing him. He's rolling his hips into him. 

Steve chose him over fucking Gabe!

Steve pulls their bodies even closer than Eddie thought possible, and Eddie can feel every detail of his dick hardening against him through his jeans. It leaves him breathless, desperate to drop his hands from Steve's warm torso and under that swimsuit so he can feel it in more detail. Steve's not so shy. He's driving Eddie crazy with his hand sliding around his zipper, lifting up to the hem and back down again. 

“Eddie,” Steve gasps into his mouth as he starts fumbling with the button.

Eddie’s experiencing something religious with Steve's tongue when a shout breaks them apart. 

Eddie leaps halfway across the room before bothering to look around to check that nobody is there. He turns back to Steve, who's watching him carefully.

“I think it's just the kids. We should probably go back outside,” he says.

“Yeah,” Eddie agrees reluctantly. Based on the look Steve's sending his way, he feels the same. He jumps down from the counter and walks over to the door, then pauses. 

He turns to Eddie and says, “You should sleep over tonight.”

“Ok,” Eddie says, feeling his cheeks go warm again as he tries not to assume anything after an afternoon of assuming things, “I like your guest room, it's got a really comfortable mattress-”

“In my bed,” Steve clarifies.

“Ok!” Eddie squeaks. “I could run home and grab something to sleep in-”

“Naked,” Steve says bluntly. Then he seems to realize something, because he looks away from Eddie like he's embarrassed. “I mean, unless you don't want that. No pressure. I have something you can borrow-”

“I want that,” Eddie interrupts.

Steve smiles. He flicks his sunglasses back over his eyes and leans in to kiss Eddie one last time, short, and promising more for later. As he opens the door, Eddie spots Gabe lounging around with that pretty girl and gets an idea. He shoves past Steve and smacks his ass on the way by, smiling at Gabe, just to cement his victory.

“Damn Harrington, feels as good as it looks,” he says. Gabe looks completely confused. Steve rolls his eyes.

“Don't get addicted,” Steve says.

[lovebvni]

mindset of manifestation & how i manifest

like melanie martínez, i am back from the dead.

i apologize for being gone so long, but i needed a break from tumblr. i saw toxicity swirling in the community, my life got busy, and i decided it was just time for a break. when i was planking to come back, i just saw how things got terrible and i got upset and decided not to come back.

so, im back now and with a little tutorial on how i manifest!!! <3 i hope this can help some of you out.

let’s start with background.

manifesting is kind of like predicting the future. you have something you want to happen, then it happens soon after. i feel like this is the easiest way to get into the manifestation mindset. you cannot change what you’re getting if you want it. could you change your mind later and return it like a package? yes! but before it arrives, you know it’s arrival is coming.

sure, there can be delays, but it all is going to turn out YOUR way in the end.

nile and i have been working on our mindset and this is something they wrote that i think can be really helpful — as it was to me.

from the past two years we have been actively manifesting, we learned that we often saw things as “crazy”. but manifesting isn’t crazy, it’s quite normal.

every time you get dressed in the morning, it’s an act of manifestation. you’re showing up with what you want.

manifestation is a mondane activity!! stop treating it like it was a kiss from an angel!

by reading this, you’re manifesting your eyes working, you’ve used your hands to open an app, and you have believed you can read and get through this blog! without manifesting that, you would not be here.

the first step to manifestation is believing you can do it, believing you have done it, and believing you will continue to do it. period.

there are many MANY different ways to manifest, but i manifest in 3 ways (sometimes i use all three, sometimes i use just 1 or 2.)

!! I ALMOSR FORGOT TO PUT THIS AND IM ADDING IT BEFORE I GET TO NUMBER 2 OMG!!

STOP! BEFORE ANYTHING ELSE I WANT YOU TO GET A NOTEBOOK, A SHEET OF PAPER, OR MAKE A CHECKLIST ON YOUR PHONE IN YOUR NOTES APP!!!

now i want you to write down everything you want right now down and leave the boxes blank if you haven’t gotten them yet.

once you get through that, i want you to randomly click between some of the items you want and write down things you wanted that you did get! they can be some simple and things from years ago, what matters is you have them down. throw in some things that you may have to do for school or work while you’re at it.

here’s an example! (left is before checking off, right is after)

as you can see, i added a note to the side because i got what i wanted and more abundantly! i had been manifesting a dog since i was a young child, and in 2021, i got 2!!!! (one is laying at my feet right now <3)

continue to do this daily, weekly, or whatever you have time for. i personally do this on notion and i try to add something new daily (im adding the heartstopper thing rn!!)

but yeah!! write everything u want down, and continue to add to it, just so u can see progress DOES happen and your work and effort DOES pay off!

affirming and persisting

this id the first way i learned to manifest, and the most self-explanatory.

you simply repeat what you want over and over until you get it! but not in the future tense, in the current or past tense.

ex; “i passed my maths final!”, “im so happy my boyfriend gave me those roses for valentine’s day, he’s so sweet!”, “i finished the essay for english like a week before it was due!” “i got the lead role in my play! im so excited!” etc.

now, the common factor between all of these is having a positive mindset about them. i cannot tell you HOW many times i manifested something would go well, and right before they happened, i got in a shitty mind space and wondered if it would ever happen.

but, nonetheless, i persisted through and i got what i wanted.

the pain have have been feeling cant compare to the joy that is coming. Romans 8:18

persisting is basically pushing through. think about the time you didn’t think you would make it through an injury, a school year, a trial, yet you still walked through it — even if it was slow.

like when work days are long and you want to go home, but you can’t, so you persist.

i try to think of my manifestations as an ultimatum. it’s going to happen, and that’s final. the only thing you have to do to get it is stay conscious.

and staying conscious, walking through those days, is how you get to the end!

i use affirming and persisting with pretty much everything, which is why it was first.

2. listening to subs.

it’s that simple — listen to an audible subliminal that has the results you want over and over!! that’s all i do u guys. here’s my playlist if u want it (IF I DELETE IT CHECK MY PINNED POST!! I UPDATE IT OFTEN)

i often use @stilljuststardust’s subs, slade’s subs, enchanted workshops’ subs and i want it, i got it’s subs!

all of them are trusted and credible. i cannot promise you that all the subs in my playlist will work for you, as they are (sometimes) linked to my personal desires.

3. pinterest manifestation!!

i recommend having either a whole pinterest account or a board set aside for this way of manifestation.

you simply make boards (or sections) for things you want. i would say this is best for physical items, people, looks, makeup, etc. things that re physically tangible, rather than something like reality shifting (although i do have a reality shifting board! it has been working pretty well <3)

i also have one for my mindset, my religion, so on and so forth (link btw)

i think this is pretty self explanatory. just save picture of things you want and quotes/affirmations and DONE!

i also use this sub with it :p it’s worked WONDERSSS!

if you have any other questions i will be happy to answer them!! i love you all!! go manifest!!

[sierrale8ne]

40 DAYS AND 40 NIGHTS CHAPTER FOUR

thought i’d be lying if i said ‘i didn’t want you to myself.’ when you look me in my eyes and, tell me that it’s mine, i…

pairing wnba!paige bueckers x singer!oc

taglist @thaatdigitaldiary @rosemariiaa @patscorner @makethemhoesmad @wbbgetsmewetter @authentic-girl03 @ohbueckers

kalena speakss 🪽! i had no clue what to write for this chapter but i scrapped something together and here it is! pls know this was supposed to be out like two hours ago but most of it got deleted and i had to rewrite it, so ignore any typos for the moment, ill fix em eventually 😭

May 2025 — Los Angeles, California

My leg bounces anxiously in the passenger seat of Julian’s car. The vehicle is silent, oddly enough, a complete 180 turn from the atmosphere of the last few days.

Things were really good. Julian and I were getting along better than ever, date nights and sleepovers. Up until we were arguing again. About schedules, staying out late, and of course the biggest disagreement in our relationship; the public.

We stayed up through all the hours of the night last night yelling at each other because I didn’t post about our date on my story; which I thought was childish but Julian evidently thought it was very serious.

Maybe I was wrong.

Maybe it was a big deal. Even when I thought about it from his perspective, I would probably be upset too. But the issue was we’ve talked about this before, countless times.

I sat looking out the window, an air-pod in my right ear that softly played music to keep my head clear. Briefly interrupted by my text tone going off.

Marayeeeee

Paige. Obviously. She’s been the most consistent number in my phone since the dinner party a while back.

don’t ask me for more banana pudding please

You trippin 😭😭

Wanted to see if you were busy, I miss you

“Who’s that?” Julian asks me.

“Just Paige.” I responded, my eyes only briefly looking up from my phone to look at him. It didn’t take a genius to notice how his demeanor changed. The slight roll of his eyes, and the shift in his seat.

“You guys have been talking a lot lately, no?”

He would be right. Aside from the texting throughout all hours of the day, we’ve gone out for lunch a few times over the last couple weeks. She was good company, and very easy to get comfortable around.

“Yeah, something like that.”

i’m actually heading to the airport rn…

Oh

Where to?

dallas! i have a few shows in texas and atl

but i’ll be back next weekend since you miss me so bad ;)

She doesn’t respond right away and I take that as the opportunity to shut my phone off and stick it into my pocket.

Julian lets out a long sigh as his hand runs over his face. “You know we still have to talk about last night, right?”

“What is there to talk about if we’re just gonna keep disagreeing?” I ask softly, trying to avoid raising my voice and starting yet another argument.

“You want me to stop bringing it up? Fine. But don’t get mad when I don’t put up with it anymore.”

The LAX drop off comes into my view and I turn my head to avoid looking at him once more. I don’t miss the lump that sits in my throat, or the tears that sting my eyes. I’ve never considered myself emotional, normally just keeping how I felt to myself or writing it in music, but that one stung.

“Okay Ju.” I shake my head, unbuckling my seatbelt when the car comes to a stop. “That’s fine.” I comment before stepping out of the car. Even after all that, he still hops out to help me get my bags, and I know he’s upset with me and I’m just as upset with him but the way he hugs me and kisses my forehead nearly makes me forget about it.

Nearly.

Because even then, I’m thinking about how his arms don’t feel like they used to. And after a few seconds the kiss that is lingering on my forehead just feels like slobber that I can’t wait to wipe off.

—

May 2025 — Las Vegas, Nevada

I sit comfortably on my hotel bed, a game playing as background noise in front of me and film on my iPad. We play the Aces tomorrow on prime time television and though I should probably be getting some rest, there’s only one person that could possibly be keeping me up at midnight before game day.

Maraye. Obviously.

I can see every bit of her from the phone screen. She’s laying on her bed quite literally giving me a show of her entire upper body. She has on a gray tank top, and I have to remind myself to look up at her face rather than the way her tits sit in that top.

“Paige?”

“Yeah, sorry. What did you say?”

“I said shouldn’t you be watching film instead of me?” She joked. I turned my head before she could get a look of the flush of my face.

“Yes, actually, but you wanted to talk about um, what’s his name again?”

“Julian?”

“Yeah him, and I’m trying to be a good friend.” I shrugged. “What was the issue again?”

Maraye sulks on the other line, shaking her head before speaking. “It’s like we always argue about the same shit. I don’t have the energy to put up with it anymore.”

I’m probably the world’s biggest asshole for giving her relationship advice while wanting her in my bed right now, but oddly enough there isn’t a bone in my body that cares.

“Don’t y’think you should tell him that? That it’s tiring or something?” I suggest. My head leans to the side to get a better look at her and it’s so hard to stay focused on the topic at hand when she’s looking the way she does right now.

Maraye’s skin is glass. I swear if I were to look hard enough I would see my reflection in it. There’s a few freckles that sit on her skin that I can’t just barely see in the light. She has on her reading glasses, wide round frames that complement her brown skin and brown eyes beautifully.

“I tried! But then it makes me look like the bad guy, and I don’t wanna seem like an asshole.”

“How would you be the bad guy for saying how you feel? It’s not that hard, I mean you’re doing it with me right now.”

She laughs at this. “That’s not the same.”

“Yeah? How?”

There’s a silence on the other end, and I notice the way she breaks eye contact with me. Her head turning away from the phone screen and instead looking up somewhere else in the room.

She’s right, it’s not the same. I’m not the one she goes home too, or will introduce to her family, no matter how often I daydream that I am. Nevertheless, still I convince myself that it is.

“We’ve been friends as long as you guys been together, and you can tell me everything, right? Why not him?” I ask. My eyes trail away from the phone screen and over to my iPad to make the silence a bit more comfortable.

“You’re just easier to talk to, Paige. I don’t know.” Her voice trails off at the end of her sentence. “I’m just being dramatic, it’s fine.”

Now in the last two-ish weeks that I’ve been blessed with the pleasure to call Maraye my friend, I’ve picked up on quite a few habits of hers. One of which, being her ability to toss her feelings to the side as if they don’t matter. There’s probably nothing I hate more than that.

“No you’re not.” I sigh, looking back at her. “I’m sorry, but if he’s gonna be mad about how you react to how he’s made you feel instead of fixing it, then he ain’t the one for you, angel. You should find someone who is.”

—

June 2025 — Atlanta, Georgia

Paige’s words have hung over my head like a cloud over the last week.

I’ve made a great handful of friends since leaving Atlanta for LA, all of which I’d like to think have made huge impacts in my life, but none of which even compare to my friendship with Paige.

She’s amazing. Not a flaw in her Godsend personality. And not just in the building-a-grocery-store-in-her-hometown kinda way, but in literally every way imaginable. I laugh harder around her, she gives me amazing advice, and we just clicked almost instantly. It was so, different?

That’s probably the best word, different.

At first I thought it was admiration. I was a fan of hers and as such I felt a certain way about being friends with her. It felt good.

In reality, my idea couldn’t possibly be more far fetched.

I’ve never once questioned my sexuality. For me, my “normal” has just always been guys. There was never a girl friend of mine that made me feel a certain way, or a girl crush that was anything more than a brief fixation. So believe me when I say that how I feel about Paige— when she texts me, or calls to say she misses me, and especially when she calls me angel— that is far from my normal.

It all happened too fast, too much for me to process. I thought my connection with Julian was quick, I mean after a week I was all about him. But me and Paige? We clicked off of one conversation, maybe even the second she fell into my lap at the game. I have no idea how to feel about that.

So as a result, I haven’t spoken to her since that night in Dallas. It thought it would be simple, since it gave me the opportunity to focus on my shows and my career. Yet, all it has me doing is fucking missing her.

I’m seated on the couch in my dressing room backstage before my show in Atlanta. My thumb is hovering over the girl’s contact. Her contact photo stares back at me dangerously. It’s a photo of the two of us from Cameron’s dinner party, Paige’s nose is scrunched as she throws up a peace sign and I’m showing all 32 while throwing up one of my own.

I’m about to press the contact. I don’t know much but I assume she doesn’t have a game tonight, and all I want before going on stage is to hear her voice as she talks about literally anything.

I don’t care about how wrong it feels to be thinking about her in this way, or the fact that I should probably be on stage in less than 10 minutes. All I’m thinking about is Paige.

So yeah, I’m about to click on the dial button when the janky silver door knob twists open. I catch a peak at some royal blue flowers before all 6 feet and 3 inches of Julian steps through the door. My face doesn’t even try to mask its shock.

He looks handsome in his outfit. He always does. A white shirt with a black zip up hoodie along with jean shorts and a pair of Timbs. He’s gotten a haircut, I can tell from how clean his lineup is. His natural curls are pulled into cornrows down the back of his head.

It’s my first time seeing his face in a few days and in person since our awkward goodbye at LAX last week. Oh yeah, I haven’t spoken to him very much this past week either. Oddly enough, it was easier to do than with Paige.

When he steps closer, Julian hands me the flowers first before sitting next to me on the couch.

“What’re you doin’ here?” I ask incredulously. He pulls me into a hug from where we sit on the couch, cologne travels through the air and up into my nose. Dior Sauvage, I could point it out anywhere.

“I haven’t seen you in a minute.” Julian says. He leans into me and our lips connect softly, much different to the manner we’ve been treating one another with over the last couple weeks. Even then I don’t hesitate when I kiss him back. His lips feel so familiar, and they are because I haven’t felt them in quite some time. “Thought I should surprise you.” He mutters against my lips.

I pull away haphazardly, his eyes stare back into mine. Only this time it’s not as familiar, namely the fact that they aren’t big blue orbs that I swear dilate ever so slightly when they look at mine.

My feet lift me off the couch and over to the vanity. I place the flowers he gave me, roses, on the surface. “Sure did surprise me.” I joke. When I turn back around, with my hands pressed to the vanity chair behind me, Julian is manspreading slightly, the look on his face one that I call suggestive. “I have to be on stage in like… seven minutes.” I announce awkwardly with a glance to the gold watch on my wrist.

“So?”

“So, you have to get outta here and I have to finish up sound stuff.” I explain. My fingers fix the smeared lip gloss on my chin while I look down at him.

Julian stands up and approaches me, it’s times like this where I forget how tall he actually is. And the shoes on his feet give him another inch or two.

“What’s up wit’ you, babe? If you don’t want me here, I can go back to LA.” I don’t like the tone in his voice, mainly because it’s pointed as if he wants to say something to me but knows that it would upset me.

“What? No, I literally have to be on stage. You know how Kaylee gets.” I tell him. My hand reaches up for his tanned cheek and he doesn’t fight me off. I hear my phone ring in on the couch, but I can’t take it on stage with me so ignore it. It’s probably Kaylee cursing me out for being late.

Julian presses a kiss to my palm and I internally shudder. “You sure?” Just like that his tone is different. It’s the soft and deeper baritone that made me fall for him in the first place, not the aggressive accusatory voice I’ve become used to.

I nod. My mouth opens up to speak when I’m cut off by multiple bangs on the door before it swings open.

“Julian, I told you to wait until after the show. Raye we gotta go, now!” It’s Kaylee, as it always is. She reaches for my arm, which is bare due to my stylist's decision to fit me in a strapless top for tonight’s show. “You give me gray hairs, I swear.” She mumbles as she pulls me away from Julian.

In my head I’m silently thanking her for what I think was either Julian trying to have sex with me or him trying to start an argument about me not wanting to have sex with him. Either way I’m thankful.

As we leave, I hear my phone ring again from the couch. Julian reaches for it, and just before the door shuts I see him press a button and toss it back onto the couch.

It shouldn’t bother me because I have bigger priorities, namely the crowd of 10,000 people who paid money for this show. But still, it plays in the back of my mind while Kaylee scolds me and my sound manager fits the earpiece to my ear and puts the microphone in my hand.

[s4bbatical]

Please, Please, Please, Let Me Get What I Want | Part 4. (Rivals Declan O'Hara x Reader 18+)

see masterlist (PINNED) for all parts

warnings: mentions of sex, cigarette and alcohol use. age gap (reader!22)

━━━━━━☆━━━━━━

Cont’d.

You were still sat in the parking lot. You wipe your eyes with your hands, smearing your mascara before wiping your nose on the sleeve of your coat as you turn on the engine. The radio begins to play Don’t You Want Me by The Human League. You groan as you change the station. Heart Of Glass by Blondie begins to play instead.

“No, nevermind. I hate my life.” You say bitterly, turning off the radio entirely. You begin to drive away with The Corinium in your rearview. “God this is so fucked!” You exclaim to no one, trying to keep yourself level enough to not crash the hunk of metal on wheels.

You manage to drive the rest of the way in complete silence back to your home. You put the car in park, resting your forehead against the steering wheel to cry, very loudly, once more.

A passerby and her child both stare at you like you were mentally unwell, causing you to forcibly smile through your tears and give them a thumbs up. As they clear out of view, you sigh and finally get out of the vehicle.

You kick off your shoes as you enter your apartment, throwing your coat over your armchair. You open your fridge in an instant, pulling out the bottle of wine Taggie had gifted you a week ago.

"Incase of any personal celebrations, y/n." She had told you. To be fair, she never said you couldn't just simply drink it to wallow in pity.

Two hours later and one wine bottle down, you're loudly doing karaoke to your favorite radio station. You've barely had anything to eat due to stress that day, and the alcohol was getting a real grip on you. You're laying on the couch, slurring your lyrics as the phone begins to ring incessantly.

"Go away...!" You moan, covering your ears with a throw pillow. It goes off once again, causing you to finally get up and answer.

"Hello who is this? What do you want?” You say, barely coherent enough for the person on the other end.

"Y/n? Where are you?" You hear Declan say, lots of commotion in the background. He was definitely at Bar Sinister, celebrating with everyone else.

"Home, obviously. You called my landline." You say in annoyance, leaning against the wall.

"I mean, why aren't you here? I wanted to see you and... and talk about things." He says quietly. You could imagine him at the pay phone in the corner of the bar, hiding his conversation from everyone else.

"I'm not coming there." You mumble into the phone, toying with the cord. "Your wife doesn't want me anywhere near you, didn't you know that?" You ask in confusion.

There's a moment of silence before Declan speaks again. "No, I didn't." He says. "That's... I had no idea, y/n. I'm so sorry for bringing you into this." He mutters with an incantation of disappointment behind his words. "I am my own person, I hope you know that. My wife isn't allowed to choose what I do if she lets herself do whatever."

"I know, but I don't want to be the reason you lose your job Declan, or your marriage." You whisper, trying to not cry once again. "I'm sorry, I'm really fucking drunk. I don't know if I can talk right now." You stammer, trying to hold down the bile coming up your throat.

"I understand y/n. But please, let's talk about this." Declan pleas.

"I have to go, I don't feel so good." You hastily hang up the phone, nearly falling over yourself as you make it to your bathroom. You lean over the toilet on your knees, throwing up into the porcelain bowl. You can hear the phone ringing again, but you have no power to answer it again. You lean your head against the seat, groaning. At least you felt a bit better after throwing up.

You eventually get up, retrieving some ibuprofen from your cabinet and popping two in your mouth, running the sink and dipping your mouth underneath it in order to swallow the pills. You knew your liver was spiteful of you right now, but you didn't care as long as you were going to feel better later.

You bring yourself to the kitchen, grabbing a glass and filling it up with water. You take small, consistent sips in order to avoid puking again. You walk over to your couch and put the glass down on the side table, slumping into it as your music continues to blare throughout the living room.

-

You wake up to loud, repetitive knocks on your door, wiping your mouth clear from drool.

"Fuck I fell asleep." You whisper, looking at the clock. It had only been an hour.

You begrudgingly get up, turning down your radio before walking over to your front door. You undo the latch, opening it to reveal Declan.

He turns and faces you, hand on his hips like an annoyed father. You both stare at each other, Declan taking in how disgruntled you looked. Hair knotted, eyes surely puffy. You must've looked insane.

“Declan? How did you know where I live?” You ask, bewildered by his presence.

His face softens when he sees you. "Don’t worry about that.“ He says. “I got worried when you disappeared over the phone, so I came to see if you were okay." He explains.

“Okay… Well, I’m clearly doing great.” You say weakly, gesturing to yourself.

“Y/n, can I please come in?” Declan asks, frowning slightly.

You nod, stepping out of the way to allow him entrance.

Declan had never been in your apartment before, taking in the layout and decor mindfully. "Your apartment, it's very... you." He comments, looking at the black cat clock ticking back and forth on the wall with curiosity.

"Is that good or bad?" You mumble, closing the front door and locking it.

"Good, very good." He says, turning back to face you. "Seb told me you just got up and left before the interview was over. Did that have anything to do with me?" He says, cautiously stepping closer.

"I'm not gonna lie, I'm still drunk." You admit, holding up a finger. “But, Maud called me at my desk right before the interview. She found out because I left my stupid fucking bra behind by accident and now I have done irreparable damage.” You breathe out, laughing at yourself so you don't cry.

Declan says nothing, slowly taking you into an embrace. “You didn’t do anything wrong.” He whispers into your hair. “I made the choices, not you.”

“But it’s still my fault, too.” You barely say loud enough, a few stray tears leaving your eyes again. You do not reciprocate the hug, simply staying limp in his arms. You had worn yourself down.

“Please, don’t cry.” Declan sighs, pulling back to wipe your tears with his thumb. “I can’t stand seeing you like this.”

Your stomach loudly grumbles, causing you to laugh again. “Sorry.” You say meekly, holding your stomach.

"Have you had anything to eat since this morning?" He asks, furrowing his brows as he grabs your arms.

"No, I haven't been able to keep anything down." You mumble, your stomach grumbling again on cue.

"Jesus, y/n. Please go lay down and watch the telly, I'm gonna cook you something." He says, directing you to your couch.

"I don't really have any groceries. I need to buy some more." You explain as you lay back down, Declan opening your fridge to reveal some skimmed leftovers, two eggs and a block of cheese.

"Mm, I see." He closes the fridge. "I'm gonna go to the store quickly, then. Stay put and keep drinking your water." He says, heading back towards the front door.

"Declan, you don't have to-" You try to say.

"Ah, don't argue please." He turns to you to say. “I’ll be back.” He opens the door and disappears back outside, closing it behind him.

You close your eyes and sigh. With the dull ache in your head and your lack of energy, you had no power to fight with Declan. You were afraid of the consequences of his arrival, but he was just as stubborn as the rest of them. Nothing you could say or do would stop him from giving a damn about you.

About fifteen minutes later, Declan returns. “I hope you like having fruits and vegetables. Taggie’s taught me to be more concerned about my diet, trying to spread the good word.” He says, taking off his shoes after placing two plastic bags worth of groceries on the counter.

“If you can manage to fit all of that in my shitty little fridge, I’ll applaud you.” You say, opening one eye to look over at him. “Thank you Declan. For this.” You say, sitting back up.

“It’s nothing, really. I’m the reason you’re feeling like shit, it’s up to me to change that.” He smiles, although seeming quite tired himself.

“Are you sure you should be here? I’m just worried if anyone–“

“Don’t worry about it. Like I said, what I decide to do is on my own volition. I’m a grown man, y/n.” He says matter-of-fact, leaning over your kitchen counter.

“You should be celebrating with everyone. You shouldn’t be here.” You try to say sternly, crossing your arms.

Declan stands up straight, mimicking your body language. “I told everyone I needed to go home. Taggie and Maud already left before I did so I highly doubt they know, nor care.” He explains, opening a box of pasta. “I hope you don’t mind a simple spaghetti dish, I’m not as great of a cook as you or my daughter are.” He admits meekly.

“Do whatever, I’m not stopping you from anything clearly.” You sigh, laying down once more.

-

After you and Declan eat dinner together, he allows you to fall asleep with your head in his lap while watching the T.V.

When you wake up the next morning, you found yourself in your bed with your nightgown on somehow, realizing Declan must’ve, quite literally, tucked you into bed.

A piece of paper from your daily planner lies on your bedside table, picking it up as you slowly read it through heavy eyelids.

Y/n,

I hope you slept well, and had pleasant dreams of home. I’m sorry I couldn’t stay around, I would’ve if I could.

With that being said, I want to give you the choice of whether or not you wish to continue with us. I know that I told you no one can affect my choices, and I am firm with knowing what I want; but I do not wish to ignore your needs or wants. You are your own person as well. I care about you greatly, and have found myself more fond of you as time goes on. However, it is not worth being selfish at the cost of your suffrage.

I want what is best for you, and I hope you do too.

P.S., Leftover spaghetti for you in the fridge.

Sincerely,

Declan

You slowly put the paper back down, tucking your knees into your chest as you wrap your arms around your legs. It was Sunday, technically you had until tomorrow to give him an answer if you were to be kind about time.

What were you going to do? You couldn't deny it; you were beginning to fall in love with Declan O'Hara. Quite frankly, you think he might be feeling the same way. Would he leave his wife for you? That would be ridiculous. Everyone cheats on their partners here, but no one divorces. God forbid, right?

You get up finally after staring at the wall for ten minutes, begrudgingly walking into the living/kitchen space. All your dishes were washed and left out to dry, thanks to Declan.

You smile to yourself, grabbing ahold of the phone off the receiver with an idea. You dial Seb's number, waiting a few moments before he picks up.

"Hello, Seb speaking." He says groggily, clearly had been woken up by your call.

"Seb, hi. Sorry for calling at eleven in the morning." You jest, poking fun at his tired voice considering it wasn't even that early.

"Y/n, nice to hear from you. Is everything alright? You don't sound too well." He asks, yawning.

"Erm, no. I don't feel well, I think I've gotten the flu or something." You say, your hangover making you sound like you weren't lying. "Would you mind taking on my tasks at work for the next few days? Tell Tony for me, he honestly scares me too much for me to call him myself." You admit sheepishly, rubbing your forehead. In full honesty, you wanted to avoid the office like the plague. You were at the tipping point of whether or not you go back to America and pretend none of this ever happened.

"Course, I'm sorry to hear about that. Can I do anything for you? Bring you meds or tea of the sort?" Seb offers.

"No, thanks though. I'm just gonna rot with what I've got kicking around here. My mom's a health nut, she sent me here with all kinds of crap." You say, leaning against the wall.

"Alright then. You got it, madam. Take care of yourself yeah?" He says.

"Will do. See you Seb."

"Bye y/n."

You mount the phone back on the receiver, keeping your gaze on it as you continue to lean against the wall. You debated calling Declan as well to thank him for everything last night, but you fought against it. You'd rather sit and hide until you sorted out your mind before speaking to him again. It was only fair, really.

You walk over to your fridge, retrieving the container of spaghetti. You grab a fork as well, making your way to the couch. You turn on the television and begin to eat the leftovers. You didn't care enough to warm it up, you felt like punishing yourself by eating it cold.

-

As the the week passes, you find yourself indulging in your old hobbies, such as reading and painting. You bought a cheap art set from an art supply store on the shopping strip a few blocks away from your home, and used books from the secondhand shop. Taggie had come to hang out with you twice, chalking up your absence from work due to being homesick. Although your free time was peaceful, you knew better than to waste away instead of going to work.

On the day of Miss Corinium, you had clocked back into work. Seb convinced you to do so, and caught you up with what you missed in the meantime.

"So the Thatcher interview went to James Vereker instead?" You ask in bemusement, walking down the hall alongside your colleague.

"Yep, and Declan did not take it kindly. He took the week off as well, actually. Neither of you have been in until now. People suspect he had more things going on and that was just the final nail in the coffin." Seb says, both of you returning to your desk space.

"Really?" You ask, trying to hide your worries behind gossiping with Seb. It was quite entertaining, really. You wouldn't have expected him to be the nosiest out of everyone else, but you kept getting surprises every other day.

"Yep, drinking like a fucking maniac too." He adds sympathetically. You frown at that statement, becoming increasingly worried for Declan as minutes pass.

"Come on everybody, down to the stage please." Tony exclaims, everyone getting up from their stations.

You make your way down alongside Seb, noticing Daysee hastily walking ahead the two of you.

“Daysee!" You exclaim, the blonde turning around with wide eyes. "I've missed you!" You go to hug her, in which she backs away like a scared cat.

"Sorry, not right now." She quickly whispers, continuing to walk away. She seemed as though she'd been crying.

"What the fuck is happening?" You ask Seb, who shrugs in equal confusion.

As you all make it to the sound stage, you see Declan nearly tripping over his own feet. His eyes land on you, causing your breath to hitch in your throat.

“Y/n, long time no see.” He slurs, leaning up against the wall to smile at you.

“Get a fucking grip, O’Hara. What the fuck are you doing?” You seethe, disappointed by his actions.

“What’d mean? The fuck are you doing? Haven’t said a word to me all week.” He mutters, trying to reach for the glass behind you.

You grab his arm tightly, causing his eyes to go wide. “This is not the time nor fucking place for this. I have every right to keep to myself. I’m doing my job and you’re doing yours, right?” You whisper harshly, pushing his arm back to him. You step back and watch as Seb attempts to entice Declan with a mug of water, to which he takes begrudgingly as he keeps his eyes on you.

"Daysee, nice dress." He compliments the blonde as she walks by, who gives him a look of distraught as she begins to cry.

You and Seb instantly look at each other in understanding. He forcefully gives Declan back his blazer before following her.

Declan looks at you with confusion. “What’d I do?” He asks.

“I don’t know, but maybe you can do us all a favour and shut the fuck up.” You retort, following Seb.

-

You were fuming in that control room.

You sat directly beside Daysee, who gripped your hand the whole time. She barely looked at anyone as she called cues, causing you to trace your thumb over her hand as you tried not to frown yourself. She did not wish to speak on it further or make a bigger deal of it, to which you and Seb both respected as the show had to go on.

James Vereker and Sarah Stratton go on to introduce all the judges, your stomach growing a pit as James says Declan's name, the camera cutting to a very intoxciated O'Hara. "Back in the saddle after his indisposition earlier this week." He quips, the camera then moving onto the last and very, very least man on the panel.

"Ex-prebendary from the Church of England, Reverend Fergus Penney." Sarah says, everyone clapping along at the line up.

Daysee's grip on your hand tightens as Reverend Penny appears on screen, causing you to press your forehead to her shoulder briefly as the show continues on.

You watch as the television screens show Declan seeming rather displeased with who he was sat beside. You begin to realize he may know what has gone on, repositioning yourself in your seat as you continue to watch onwards.

Seb attempts to put a hand on Daysee's shoulder, to which she jumps slightly.

"Don't." You whisper, shaking your head at him as he steps back. You wince as you watch Declan barely manage to fill a glass of water.

"Reverend Penney, are you looking for perfection tonight?" James asks after they showcase a lineup of young, fit women.

"Oh... well, perfection is not my concern. The qualities that I'm looking for in the inaugural Miss Corinium, uh, consists of, uh, a healthy body and sound morals." The old man says, causing you to purse your lips. Hypocrite. You think to yourself.

As if Declan has read your mind, he begins to interject. "You filthy, hypocritical, old git." He spits out, standing up to sucker punch Reverend Penney.

The entire control room gasps at the sight, along with the audience.

"What the fuck is he doing? Cut the feed." Cameron Cook exclaims, everyone rushing to end the livestream.

You race over the the viewing glass, watching Wesley Emerson hold back Declan from fighting furthermore.

"You'll get what's coming to you!" Declan yells, pointing at Reverend Penny.

"He's ruined everything." Daysee says.

You turn around, watching everyone stare in dismay. After a minute of standing in silence by yourself, you quickly make your way through the room, pushing the doors open to find Declan.

As you run doing the hall, you hear commotion in the office.

You watch as Declan pins Tony against the wall, then eventually proceeds to take a golf club and throw it through the glass. You gasp, covering your mouth.

Declan sees you, his face dropping as you both stand there, staring at each other.

Without hesitation, you gather your belongings and begin to head back down the hallway, this time going towards the exit.

"Y/n, wait!” Declan yells, following you down the stairs. "Y/n, stop! I need to talk to you!"

You push through the rotating entrance door, taken aback by Freddie and Rupert waiting with a car right in front.

"Y/n, are you okay? Do you need a lift?" Rupert asks, noticing your bewilderment as Declan charges outside behind you.

"No, I have my own car. Thanks though." You say, attempting to walk away.

"I just quit my job." Declan says suddenly, directed towards everyone. You look back at him with wide eyes.

"Get in the car, lads. Let's get rat-arsed." Freddie suggests, Rupert opening the door for Declan.

"Y/n, please let me talk to you." Declan pleas once more, standing in front of you with his back towards the other two.

"Declan," You sigh, looking up at him. "About what?" You ask, throw your arms up then dropping them. You watch him fail to answer, as you two were not alone. "Give it up. Go get rat-arsed, or whatever." You say, squinting in confusion as you say the sentence yourself.

Declan grabs your arm, looking into your eyes. "Please, y/n."

"You’re drunk, Declan." You say firmly, pulling your arm away. “Grow up.” You mutter bitterly.

You watch as Rupert forces him into the car, the door slamming as Declan continues to stare at you through the window. You shake your head in disappointment.

"Y/n..." Rupert says, causing you to look at him instead. "I see how he looks at you." He whispers, smiling with sympathy. "If you really care about him, it's worth fighting for. Believe me." He says, causing your eyes to widen. Did he know too?

"And why should I listen to you?" You say quietly, raising a brow at him.

"Because, I can tell when something is worthwhile than most. Also, between you and me, he seems happier with you around." He adds. "Just trust me." He says, placing a hand on your shoulder before dropping it. "Think about it, yeah?" He finishes, getting into the car before Freddie drives it away.

You stand still for a few seconds, watching the car disappear as you process the day that had fallen upon you. It was rather ludicrous how your first day back after sick leave left you in shambles, but could you expect anything less? Your internship was making you question whether or not journalism was even the career choice for you. It was becoming redundant.

You sigh, making your way to your car.

-

You were sitting in your armchair, attempting to focus on your Murakami novel. Your mind was going a thousand miles an hour, trying to process every single thing that has happened within the past month. It had been two weeks since you last saw Declan, and you were sure you'd never see him again as he did not attempt to reach out to you in any way since his departure at The Corinium.

Tony Baddingham had made you all begin to sign contracts, having to hand them in by Friday as a form of devotion and to not hand yourself off to Declan O'Hara and his band of misfits. Apparently, he was attempting to start up a company to take down Corinium.

As your mind consumes you, you quickly head over to your phone, dialing Seb as per usual.

"Seb speaking." He says.

"Seb, this is fucked up. What is happening?" You ask, biting your nails in a nervous tick.

"I don't know." He sighs. "I can't lose my job, y/n. I have to stay at The Corinium."

"Well, me neither. I'm with you on that." You say. "Do you think Tony's going to start firing us? I can't go back home, this job is all I've got." You explain, your hand white knuckling the cord of your phone.

"No, I don't think so. He’s got us signing papers for god’s sake. What's the worse that can happen? We haven't done anything to make Lord Baddingham think we're with Declan, have we?"

You go quiet for a moment before clearing your throat. "Right, course not. That would be ridiculous." You say, grabbing the back of your neck.

"I'll see you on Monday. It's alright, y/n. We've got each other." He reassures.

"Right, course. Bye Seb." You say, hanging up the phone.

As soon as you hang up the phone, your receiver starts to ring. You pick it up once again in confusion.

"Hello, who is this?" You ask.

"Y/n, it's Taggie." She says quietly.

"Taggie, love, hi. Did you want to come over?"

"...Can I? I feel like my house is falling apart. I could use your company."

"Well of course. Is everything alright?" You querie.

"No, not even in the slightest. I'll tell you once I get there."

"Yeah, no problem. See you soon."

"See you."

You hang up the phone again, groaning loudly. "I swear to god if it is possible to have a heart attack at twenty two it will happen to me of all people." You say to yourself, putting your head in your hands as you rub your face.

About twenty minutes later, Taggie enters your apartment. You gave her a spare key the last time you came over, figuring it would be nice to allow her to come over and keep you company whenever.

"Y/n, I feel like I'm going fucking crazy." She exclaims, taking off her sneakers.

"Do you need a glass of wine or...?" You suggest, already pouring two.

"Well, if you insist." She tries to jest, leaning against the counter as she presses her hands to her temples.

"What's going on?" You ask, sipping your own glass.

Taggie sighs heavily before speaking. "My mum's gone to London, and I don't think she plans on coming back." She says quietly, staring at the counter. "I would be more upset, but I think my parents giving up on each other was a long time coming." She admits, taking a deep sip of her glass.

"What?" You say, nearly choking on your own wine. "Your mom's leaving Declan?" You ask in dismay.

Declan’s washed up attitude was now finally making sense, and you began to feel guilty for not trying to reach out to him. You figured you were doing what was best, but maybe you were too narrow-minded to really know the answer to that one. You couldn’t help but feel a bit excited over the news.

"Yeah... At least I think she is. She left to rejoin the theatre, which means she definitely will cheat on my dad again so I think he gave up on her.” She says quietly.

“I’m sorry Tags.” You whisper, frowning. You hated to see her upset, any person in their right mind could never wish that upon Taggie.

“Not only that,” She continues on. “Rupert and Freddie have created a television company with my father in hopes it'll take out Corinium. Rupert's idea, in order to help my father pay back his debts.” She says, wincing as she finishes off her glass in another large gulp.

"Yeah, I heard about that. Christ um, that's a lot Taggie.” You pause for a moment. “Rupert really cares about you, doesn’t he?”

Taggie shakes her head slowly. “I don’t think he’s doing all this for me, y/n. That’d be absurd.” She tries to argue.

“Right, because he must be so in love with your dad.” You muse, raising your brows.

"That’s not the point!” She groans. “I want you to join us, y/n." She says, offering you a smile. "Well, I want them to hire you so you can leave the Corinium and still keep your work visa. Does that feel sound to you?" She asks, standing up straight.

You put your glass down, engulfing Taggie in a hug. "God, I could kiss you right now." You say, sighing with relief. "Do you really think this'll work? I'm just worried, cause they've got us signing contracts at Corinium." You ask, sitting back down on your stool.

"Mmm, I’ve heard about that myself." She says. "I accidentally came across Charles Fairburn when I was trying to get signatures. He's already willing to be on our team as a mole." She grins. "I'm not forcing you to do the same, but how do you feel about working for Venturer, y/n?" She asks, placing her hand down on the counter.

"Venturer? That's what they've called it?" You hum, picking up your glass and taking another sip of your wine.

You couldn’t figure out whether or not this was a good choice to make. Realistically, this could potentially send you straight back to America. On the other hand, the reason why you took on journalism was to do something you truly loved, which was speaking for the people. You knew if Venturer made it out alive, you’d have a bigger voice on the team.

Plus, maybe it was worth seeing Declan again. Deep down, you still cared greatly for him. It was your own fault that you had confrontation issues and blew up the situation bigger than it had to be.

“Yeah, okay. I’ll do it." You say, causing Taggie to grin from ear to ear.

"Yes! I knew you'd say yes." She cheers, jumping slightly on the spot. “We’re hosting dinner at our house tomorrow night for the team. Care to join us?” She asks, her blue eyes lighting up with joy.

“Yeah, absolutely. How can I say no to a Taggie special?” You grin, the both of you laughing together. You were so grateful for Taggie, it seemed like whenever the two of you spent time together, something always turned around for the better.

-

You find yourself standing front of The Priory the next day. It had been quite awhile since the last time you were there, you couldn’t help but take in the view.

Suddenly, Gertrude comes barrelling around the corner at you. You kneel down, greeting the dog eagerly. “Oh hi baby! I missed you!” You coo, hugging the dog and scratching behind her ears. You hear footsteps, looking up and meeting Taggie’s eyes.

“I’m glad you made it.” She says with a smile on her face. “Everyone’s in the back by the garden. Follow me.” She gestures for you to do so, causing you and Gertrude to both make way to the garden.

As you turn the corner, you’re instantly greeted with Declan’s eyes. Rupert was in the middle of speaking to him when he follows his gaze, smirking when he notices you as well. There were others also sat around the table, a few you recognize and some you don’t.

You give Declan a warm smile, watching him reciprocate it as you sit down across from him, following your nametag.

“Y/n, lovely seeing you.” Freddie says, giving you a classic grin as you chuckle lightly.

“Likewise. It’s been a long few weeks, hasn’t it?” You comment, thanking Rupert when he gets up and pours you a glass of wine. You feel your cheeks warm up as you notice Declan’s eyes never leave you, although you were trying your best to look elsewhere.

“Tell me about it. You’re still at Corinium?” Rupert asks, sitting back down.

“Unfortunately. But erm, if you guys will have me I’ll gladly leave. It just depends on how it’ll go with my work visa and all that. Might have to reapply.” You say, shrugging as you sip your wine.

“We’d be more than happy to do so, y/n. Right Declan?” Rupert quizzes, nudging his frozen friend.

Declan blinks rapidly, clearing his throat. “Right, course. We’d love to have you.” He says quietly, looking down at the table briefly before looking at you again.

“Dinner is served!” Taggie announces, carrying out plates with Caitlin and Patrick, both who have returned home from school.

“Hi y/n.” Caitlin says, giving your shoulders a squeeze after she serves your a plate. You smile at her widely.

“So, how has it been without Maud in the house?” Rupert asks, causing half the table to light up in commotion and the other half to stay quiet.

“Rupert.” Lizzie says firmly, smacking his arm.

“What? Sorry I just wanted to know is all, christ you people are no fun.” He remarks, taking a bite of his food.

“It’s been quiet.” Taggie says suddenly, causing you all to fall quiet. “It feels more peaceful, in a way.” She admits, placing down the last plate of food. “Everyone, please enjoy.” She says, finally sitting down beside you.

You look across the table at Declan, who’s looking down at his feet. You taste the first few bites in silence, keeping your gaze on your plate as you listen to other conversations around you. You decide that maybe it was now or never to have a chance to speak with Declan. You just needed to step out briefly.

“I forgot something in my car, I’ll be back.” You say, getting up from your seat. Declan watches you exit dinner, disappearing around the corner.

“I’ll go get us another bottle of wine.” He says, getting up and re-entering the house.

You figured he wasn’t going to bother speaking to you, your heart sinking as you still walk over to your car incase anyone was watching. You lean up against the beater, biting at your nails.

Nearly jumping to your feet, you hear the front door open, revealing Declan. You realize he must’ve gone through the house to avoid suspicion.

He slowly approaches you, hand in his pockets as he halts about five feet away from you.

You turn to face him properly, clearing a few strands of hair from your face as you cross your arms.

“Hi.” He says timidly.

You’ve never seen Declan so reserved before, it was almost humorous.

“Hi.” You say back. “Nice shirt.” You comment, pointing to the Venturer graphic across his firm chest.

“Thanks. Taggie ordered ‘em. You can have one too if you’d like, they’re inside.” He says, giving you a smile. “Um, how’ve you been?” He asks.

“Been better. Trying to keep myself level, it’s not very easy apparently.” You try to joke, pursing your lips. “I’m sorry about the whole Maud thing. I mean it.” You say, shifting your weight from off the car. “You’ve always deserved better.” You mumble.

He nods slowly, running a hand through his hair. “Yeah well, I insisted she go and be happy. It wasn’t cutting it for her here, she was happier in London and I’m happier here. Nothing stays linear.” He admits, shrugging. “I’m beyond it. I mourned our relationship ages ago.” He adds.

“Do you… miss her, at all?” You ask quietly.

“I miss the person I fell in love with. I think that woman and the one she is now are two completely different people.” He says, smiling sadly.

You nod slowly in understanding. “Do you still love her, then?”

Declan bites the inside of his cheek, pausing in deep thought. “I care about her, but I don’t think she is who I really love anymore.”

You furrow your brows at his response. “I don’t think I understand what you’re saying.”

Declan takes a few steps closer to you. “Y/n, I missed you, a lot.” He admits. “The last time I saw you, I figured that you never wanted to see me again. I wanna know if that’s true or not.”

You drop your arms, staring at Declan as your heartbeat increases rapidly. “Of course I wanted to see you. I just– God, you didn’t call me for two weeks Declan. You didn’t even try to see if that was really how I felt.” You try to argue.

Declan scoffs. “I could say the same, y/n. I didn’t call you because I thought you were crossed with me! The way you spoke to me on my last day at Corinium? How can you expect me to reach out when you gave me the impression that whatever this was-“ He gestures between you two. “-was over with.” He exclaims.

“I don’t know! I figured with the note you left for me that I was worth a call, or even a visit! You drive me fucking crazy because I fell for you, Declan!” You exasperate, Declan’s eyes widen at your statement. “Even if you thought I wanted nothing else to do with you, you could’ve at least tried to–!”

“You have feelings for me?” He whispers.

You pause for a moment, scoffing. “Seriously? That’s all you got from that?”

He steps in close and grabs your face, kissing you desperately.

You don’t react at first, taking in the moment as you begin to kiss him back.

-

After about 20 minutes, the two of you are entangled in the backseat of your car. It took you by surprise that it was even possible to have sex in such a small car, but with the right person– anything is possible.

“I missed this.” You say, humming with your eyes closed. You were sitting on his lap with your head tucked into the side of his neck, your bare torsos pressed against each other.

“Me too.” Declan whispers. “So you like me, eh?” He says, tucking hair behind your ear with a grin. The windows were foggy and your skin was sticky, it felt like a scene from a movie.

You pull your head back and roll your eyes. “I wish I would’ve said it in a better way but… yeah, I think so.” You admit, looking down.

He grabs your chin and lifts it up, forcing you to make eye contact again. “When I said Maud isn’t who I really love anymore, I was referring to you.”

“Ohhh… That makes more sense now.” You say, laughing quietly as Declan shakes his head.

“I thought you were taught literacy in school, y/n.”

“Oh shut the fuck up, Declan.” You say with a smile. “I could stay like this forever.” You whisper.“But we need to get back to dinner before anyone sees us.” You say, earning another kiss from him. You laugh against his lips, his mustache tickling your nose as his embrace around you tightens. “I’m serious, you idiot.” You muse, smacking his arm.

“We’ll talk more about this later.” He says, winking as he places a firm smack on your arse.

“Hey!” You exclaim, rolling your eyes as the two of you begin to redress yourselves before getting out of the car.

Declan goes back through the house, showing up about two minutes after you.

“Where’s the wine?” Rupert asks Declan, raising a brow as his eyes scan over the both of you.

“Ah, couldn’t find the one I was looking for.” He simply says, making brief eye contact with you as you both sit back down.

You couldn’t help but continuously smile through the evening, even kicking your feet a little underneath the table whenever Declan spoke.

You knew it was going to be difficult to tell anyone, but at least you knew Rupert was on your side, even if that wasn’t the most ideal person. Besides, you had a feeling something was going on between him and Taggie; they basically had sex with their eyes whenever they were in a room together. There was little to hide, and it assured you that Taggie wouldn’t be that distraught with the idea of you and her father. Hopefully.

As the evening led on, guests start to leave The Priory, leaving you and the O’Hara’s to get ready for slumber.

You had just finished up saying goodnight to Taggie and Caitlin when you entered the guest bedroom, smiling when you see Declan laying upon the mattress. He was reading your book, glasses on that made him look like a history professor.

“What’re you doing here?” You quiz, walking over to the bed.

“Mm, my bed felt too lumpy.” He mumbles, placing the book on his chest.

“Is that so, princess and the pea?” You say sarcastically, climbing in beside him. You grab the book and place it on the bedside table, allowing yourself to cuddle up beside him with your head on his chest.

Declan wraps his arm around you, keeping his other hand behind his head as he traced his fingers along your bare arm. “Nice book you’ve got there. Maybe you’d be interested in proofreading my Yeates piece.” He suggests, in which you hum in response.

“I’d be honored.” You smile, looking up at him. “Are you gonna tell anyone about us?” You ask quietly. You were afraid of any answer he was going to give, in full honesty. Having to deal with a public relationship between the two of you may do more harm than good.

“I think I’d have to ask you to be my girlfriend first, y/n.” Declan jests, placing his glasses on top his head.

Your cheeks flush, causing you to hide your face in his chest. “Sorry. I shouldn’t have assumed.” You mumble, causing Declan’s chest to vibrate with laughter.

“No, don’t be sorry love.” He squeezes your arm, causing you to look up again. “Y/n,” He clears his throat before continuing. “Will you be my girlfriend?” He asks.

Your stomach flutters as a big smile stretches across your face. “Controversially young girlfriend you say? Yeah… I think I could do that.” You say, sitting up and bringing your legs over to be on both sides of his hips.

“Is that what people call it now?” He muses, looking up at you. “Hm, has a ring to it.” He mumbles, pulling your face into his as he begins to kiss you for what felt like the thousandth time that night.

-

You both had eventually fell asleep in each other’s arms at some point, finding yourself groggily waking up to the sound of commotion downstairs in the kitchen.

Declan is nowhere to be seen, assuming that he had already gotten up for the day.

You sit up and stretch, smiling lazily to yourself. You put on your own Venturer shirt, staying in a pair of pyjama bottoms you had borrowed from Taggie as you make your way down the stairs.

You are greeted with the sight of the Venturer Team once again, everyone discussing something rather solemnly.

“Good morning!” You say, your smile faltering when everyone looks at you with differentiating facial expressions– all mainly of concern.

Taggie walks through the crowd with a frown as she hands over a newspaper, pointing to the cover.

There were photos of you and Declan printed out on the front page, along with Taggie and Rupert. The headlines were accusing of them preying on younger women, most definitely the doings of Tony Baddingham.

You read the article over and over, your eyes widening with every sentence. You shamefully lower it from your gaze, looking at everyone else.

Well, fuck.

-

SHIT…. Fawk… again i know im literally the one writing this but im like 😐🙁😭 why can no one catch a fucking break. brutal

thank you for the support, this series now has over 100 notes just the first part alone YAYY. thank you for your love and devotion. this new part is my gift to you.

i’m hoping to make the next part the last part but i’m quite sure i said the same thing two parts ago so whatever don’t hold me accountable. CHEERS!

as always,

isabel

[ineffablywriting]

favourite crime - part ii

Part ii - retail therapy

It had been just under two months since she had spoken to Harry. She hadn’t bothered to reach out again. She figured if he ever wanted to chat he would reach out himself but he never did. 

Initially she’d been hopeful that once he’d calmed down enough that he would try and talk to her again. But that hope had dwindled as the days had gone on, and had officially been snuffed out when she’d received an email from his lawyer three weeks ago. 

It had demanded a paternity test once the baby was born and included a contract and an NDA outlining that Alena was to never publicly speak of Harry being the father, if the paternity test proved true, and an agreed upon amount that he would pay each month as child support. 

She’d quickly signed the NDA and emailed it back before contacting her own lawyer about the contract. 

She’d been telling the truth when she’d said she never wanted anything from Harry, so she’d had them whip up a contract of her own stipulating that she would never ask Harry for any money, but that she also wouldn’t hide his identity from the child once they were old enough to understand and go looking for him. She’d also added a clause that allowed Harry any parental rights should he change his mind, but that when the baby was older Alena would not force a relationship between them if they refused contact with him. 

She’d promptly sent that off as well and hadn’t heard anything since. She hadn’t expected this sort of prolonged reaction from Harry, she’d thought he was one of the good ones, and she was heartbroken that he’d proved her wrong and furious with herself for allowing herself to love him enough that his reaction caused her heart to pinch every time she thought about him. But she didn’t care anymore, she couldn’t care anymore, she had more pressing things to take care of. 

Morning sickness had been an absolute nightmare for her. She’d barely been able to keep any food down and when she’d last gone to see her family doctor she’d been told she had lost too much weight and needed to better maintain her diet. 

Which was easier said than done when everything made her want to throw up. 

She sighed, eyeing the dry biscuits she’d been eating each morning with reluctance. It had been the only thing that didn’t upset her stomach, like she’d been recovering from a stomach virus. 

But this morning she wanted cereal. 

Letting out a quiet sigh, she pushed the biscuits aside and stood up, reaching up for a bowl and her favourite chocolate cereal. She poured only a very small amount before adding some milk and tentatively taking a bite. When she didn’t immediately gag she continued to eat, bringing the milk and cereal pack with her to the table. 

She was halfway through her second bowl when her phone vibrated with a call. 

She stared at the screen in surprise, letting it ring and ring until it stopped then picked up again. 

Gemma Styles calling…

This time she reached out and hesitantly slid the screen across to answer.

She hadn’t expected Harry’s sister to reach out. She’d figured Harry would have told her and his mum everything and they too would want nothing to do with her. 

“He-hello?” she answered, cautiously. 

“My brother is a twat,” Gemma greeted her back. 

Alena choked on the small bite of cereal she’d just swallowed and moved the phone away from her ear to cough and clear her throat. 

“I’m sorry?” she brought the phone back to her ear, sure she must have misheard. 

“My brother is a twat,” Gemma repeated calmly. “Are you ok?” she asked, a hint of concern in her words. 

“Yeah, just-just food went down the wrong pipe.”

“She’s fine mum, just choked on a bit of food,” she heard Gemma call out in the background. So Anne was there too. Alena stood up and started to pace nervously. 

“Ok so, back to my brother being a twat. He is, just in case you missed it. He only just told us everything last week. Why haven’t you called us? Mum’s worried.” 

“I - I didn’t know, I mean, I didn’t think you guys would - I don’t understand. If Harry told you everything then why -” but Gemma cut her off. 

“Why are we calling you?” she asked, words gentle. 

“Yeah,” Alena breathed out. “I didn’t think you’d want to hear from me again.” 

“Yeah, well, we’ve known you almost as long as we’ve known Harry. Just because he’s got his head up his arse, doesn’t mean we do. Besides, we’d at least like to hear your side of things. And honestly, mum is a bit chuffed at the idea of a grandkid. I don’t think she really cares how they come to exist.” 

Alena just imagined Gemma’s eye roll at that and couldn’t help but let out a little laugh. It was full of relief and love for the two women she knew were listening on the other side. 

“Sorry,” she sighed, feeling as though the weight of the world had been lifted off her shoulders. “I didn’t want to step on anyone’s toes by calling you,” she admitted, refusing to mention Harry’s name. 

“Harry is a grown man. He can handle us having you in our lives even if he doesn’t approve. And if he can’t, tough. We’ve put up with worse for him,” Gemma said firmly. “Now, mum wants to know when you are free for dinner. We have a couple months worth of catching up to do.” 

“Uh-.” 

“No, Harry won’t be there,” Gemma said before she could ask. Alena let a small smile slip onto her lips as she imagined the eye roll she was getting. 

“I’m free any time,” she replied, refusing to acknowledge how sad and pathetic that sounded. 

“Great, we’ll see you tomorrow night then,” Gemma said happily before they quickly ended the call. 

Alena put her phone down and turned back to her cereal. A small part of her heart had unravelled during the phone call and she felt it fill up with hope as she allowed a small smile to slip onto her face. 

-

He was dating Olivia Wilde. 

It had felt like a punch to the gut when Alena had seen the pictures. She hadn’t been prepared for it, it hadn’t even been something that had crossed her mind as a possibility. Yet there Harry was, pictured out with her and her kids looking like a happy family while she sat at home with his own child growing in her womb, and he couldn’t spare a single thought towards her. 

She knew part of the feelings clenching around her heart were due to the hormones that were swirling wildly in her body, but a larger part was hurt that he’d rather play family with someone else and their kids, than with her. Was being with Alena really that bad? 

She didn’t have time to think about it for too long, the spiralling thoughts interrupted by a knock at her door. 

She had no idea who it could be, thinking maybe she had imagined it until they knocked again. She hurried to her feet, grabbed her keys and unlocked the door without looking through the peephole. 

“Oh, hey Gemma,” she greeted in surprise. Dinner with Gemma and Anne had felt like travelling back in time to when they’d all get together and catch up on all the different stories Harry had told each of them over the weeks he’d spent away on tour. He’d confessed to her once that he never told any of them the same story to make sure they all stayed in touch and took care of one another while he was away. He claimed he felt guilty leaving his mum and sister alone all the time, but Alena had known he’d done it mostly for her. 

They’d grown up together. Every important milestone in their lives had been a shared moment between the two of them when no one else was around. They’d been so many of each other’s firsts and helped each other stay on solid ground when the world was spiralling out of control around them. But each time Harry went away on tour and Alena was left behind, she knew he felt guilty as they drifted further and further apart from each other and she was left alone again. 

Gemma and Anne were family, and after she’d lost her own parents, Harry had wanted her to have some semblance of home while he was away as well. And maybe a small part of him hoped it would help stop the chasm forming between them. 

It had been stories like that and throwaway moments of thoughtfulness that had chipped away at her heart until she’d unknowingly fallen in love with him - a consequence Harry hadn’t ever considered. 

“Hey,” Gemma grinned at her, gently pushing Alena aside and making her way into the apartment. 

Alena flinched at the pile of dishes she’d left in the sink and hoped Gemma wouldn’t judge her for the mess. She was too busy wallowing in self pity to do any housework. 

“Sooo, how are you?” Gemma asked on her way to the lounge. “Dinner was nice. Mum wants to do it again soon. She couldn’t stop talking about how nice it was to have all her girls back together, as though there were more than two of us there,” Gemma rolled her eyes before her expression softened into something like wistfulness. “It was nice though,” she admitted. “I don’t even remember the last time we’d all gotten together. It’s been months. Ever since Harry came back and stole all your time,” she joked. 

Alena’s smile dimmed a little at the mention of her brother and just how much of her time he used to occupy. She hadn’t noticed it until after he’d swiftly exited her life just how reliant on his company she’d become. She was quite cranky at herself for allowing him to weasel his way into taking up all her free time again. The first week he hadn’t called, all Alena had done was sit in front of the telly and try to fill the empty Harry shaped hole in her life with reruns and food. Eventually she’d snapped herself out of it. Now she wondered if there were others who had fallen for the charm and dazzle that was all Harry the way she had, and been left just as high and dry with an aching heart that refused to give up on him. 

She wondered if Olivia Wilde would be the same. 

“Sorry,” she apologised to Gemma. “I don’t know how it happened. I missed you guys too.” 

“It’s not your fault. Harry does it to everyone. He did it when you guys were kids as well,” she rolled her eyes. “The two of you always used to be off in your own little bubble. We’d have to beat it with a stick to get it to pop until you paid the rest of us some attention,” she joked. But Alena still felt bad. 

“He’s just got that thing about him,” she eventually sighed, shoulders dipping in disappointment as the nostalgia of childhood friendships and how easy everything had been back then hit her like a truck. 

“Forget about him,” Gemma said gently, coming up beside Alena and nudging her shoulder. “He may be my brother but he’s not worth wallowing over when he’s being this unreasonable.” 

“That’s easier said than done when his face is literally everywhere, smiling and laughing as though this huge life changing event isn’t going to impact him at all,” Alena grumbled bitterly. 

“Ah. So you’ve seen the pictures already,” Gemma said sheepishly. “Mum and I were hoping I could get to you in time before you saw anything,” she admitted. 

“So this isn’t a social call because you miss spending time with me?” Alena tried to joke. 

“Why can’t it be both?” Gemma grinned back, linking their arms and pulling her further into the apartment. “Come on, get changed. Let’s go shopping and then grab some lunch. I can’t wait to spoil my niece-slash-nephew.” 

Alena groaned. “Please, no. I can't even look at baby things right now. I was looking up a list of things to get and there’s so much,” she looked at Gemma with wide eyes. “Why are there so many different types of prams, Gem? What do they all do? What if I get the wrong one?” 

Gemma laughed. “Don’t worry, you’ve got mum and I around. We’ll help pick things out for the little nugget. I’m pretty sure I saw mum looking up bassinets the other day,” she admitted. “And I won’t lie, I’ve started going to the baby section in some stores. I haven’t bought anything yet though,” she promised, sitting on Alena’s bed while she changed. 

It didn’t take Alena long to throw on an old sweatshirt and some jeans before the two girls were heading out the door, a sense of peace and comfort settling over Alena’s heart, soothing the aching wound Harry had left. 

She was so distracted and happy, wrapping herself and Gemma in a protective bubble of bliss as they walked from store to store buying too many clothes and things they didn’t need, that she didn’t even notice the random flashes of light as people took their photos while they talked and laughed. 

And so when she got home that day after promising Gemma that she’d come by for lunch with her and Anne in a couple of days, and saw her phone light up with a Twitter notification of a ‘Styles sighting’, she ignored it. She wasn’t going to let anything Harry related ruin the rest of her night. 

-

“Stay away from my family,” Harry glared at her from the doorway. When Alena had opened her front door she’d been expecting a teenager with a pizza box in his hands, not Harry. So when she’d looked up from where she’d been tracking her food on her phone, she’d frozen in shock, unable to get a single word out. 

Not that it mattered, Harry seemed to be there to deliver a message and move on. 

Alena blinked up at him, unsure how to respond. 

“Did you hear me?” he huffed. “Stay away from my mum and sister.” 

“I didn’t contact them,” she eventually managed to say, her hands coming up and wrapping protectively around herself. 

Harry’s eyes instinctively looked down at the movement, his gaze lingering for a moment on her stomach. She was just over three months pregnant now and still not showing, but Harry’s frown still made her feel self conscious. 

“You’ve lost weight,” he commented, his voice losing a little of its edge and his eyes losing a little of their ice. But he quickly shook himself out of it and fixed a glare back on his face, bringing the conversation back to the reason why he was there. “I don’t care who contacted whom. Just stay away from them,” he repeated. “Or I’ll take out a restraining order,” he added, almost as an afterthought. 

Alena flinched back, her eyes widening in disbelief and anger. 

She felt her heart pick up its pace and her cheeks heat up. She didn’t care who he was or how much he thought she had wronged him, he had no right threatening her with something like that.

He seemed to realise it too, his face crumpling in apology almost as soon as he had said the words. But it was too late to take them back and Alena was too angry in that moment to give him a chance to do so anyway. 

If she took a moment to think about it, took a moment to just analyse the situation a little bit, she would have picked up on the strange back and forth Harry seemed to be having internally. As though he was saying and doing all the things that were expected of him, while a long ago locked up part of his heart warred with him to be kind. 

“I don’t care who you think you are, Harry,” she spoke stiffly. “But you have no right coming to my door and threatening me with something like that. I never, not once, reached out to Anne or Gemma out of respect for you. They came to me. I don’t care what you see online, you should know better than to believe everything.” 

She moved to close the door, but Harry stuck a foot out before she could slam it in his face. 

“If you think you can trick me into a relationship by charming my mum and sister-”

But Alena cut him off. “Fuck you, Harry Styles,” she said, anger rolling off her in waves. She had never been so hurt and so mad at someone all at the same time. “Fuck you for thinking so low of me. God, you-,” she shook her head, trying to fight back the sudden onslaught of tears that were clogging up her throat. “I can’t believe I wasted a single second of my life loving you,” she laughed bitterly, her heart yelling at her that she still loved him. “You know, I’ve had my heart broken before. By old boyfriends, by friends, even by you. I never gave any of them a second shot at breaking me again. Except for you. I let you break my heart on so many occasions, I was an idiot for letting you do it again. Please,” she begged desperately, tired of feeling on edge and of all the heartbreak Harry brought with him. “Please, just leave me alone. It’s something you’ve been very good at for the last few months, I’m sure you can do it again. But you can’t ask me to have no one, to stay away from the two people who have cared about me. Anne and Gemma have always been my family as well, even if you no longer are. You took my love, trust and friendship and threw it all away like it meant nothing to you. I won’t let you take them away from me too,” she said fiercely. 

She waited until Harry took a step back, then closed the door, making sure to lock it behind her. 

She ignored it when he knocked and called for her again, more gently this time. But Alena was done. She wasn’t going to tiptoe around Harry anymore to spare his feelings when he had zero regard for her own. 

-

Thoughts are always appreciated <3

[kryptznnn]

♡/♛- It's Been A While [III]

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➸ INTERESTS; -mha!shouta aizawa x quirk-using!freader

➸ BACKGROUND; - after an attack at the high school you studied in, you were requested by your work firm and the firm of that school to work as a teacher there for extra security, incase an attack were to occur again to protect the students (and teachers). Unfortunately, it won't be as easy as you expected when you rekindle with old friends, and a specific someone.

➸ WARNINGS; - wc. 4.5k, romantic tension, traumatic disturbances, mentions of medications, bad health history, hallucinations, little bit angsty, haunted by the past, sexual tension, shaking, indecisiveness, confusion, etc.

➸a.i; - its 6am i sleep, also posting the masterlist for the series whenever I wake up, it should be updated on all of the chapters sooner or later this afternoon (also ik the chapter is so long im sorry i was bored) !!

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♡/♛- It's Been A While [ II ]

♡/♛- It's Been A While Masterlist

You sighed as you placed the textbook you were reading back down on your desk your students rushed out of your class. The last bell of the day had rung, and it also seemed like the deadline for your answer to the question Shouta had asked you prior.

His words still rang in your head, you kept both of your hands over the sides of your head, thinking. There was no way you could reject his offer, but there was also no way you could accept it either. Luck was barely on your side knowing that whoever broke into your apartment didn't know your schedule had changed, you couldn't put others in danger.

If anything considered from the heads up your boss had given you last night, whoever or whatever they were must have been after you for two reasons: your status within the embassy, or your quirk. The second reason made much more sense to you however, because if they had wanted you for your title, they would've come to see you much sooner.

Now was a horrible time to even think about or do such a thing, especially since you had to drug yourself up over prescribed medications to even keep your powers and emotions at bay. It's easy for someone to use you for your powers rather than status, honestly that's what you liked so much about the embassy, you barely had to use your quirk.

No one even knew about your quick use of medications to keep yourself at a low after so many losses from your powers. Each time you convinced yourself they were accidents, and honestly, they were, but the number of nightmares you had about the occurrences said otherwise.

Now with everything hitting you all at once you had the option to move in somewhere secure, somewhere safe. You knew Shouta and you knew he was someone who could take care of you, and himself. He was a pro hero for fucks sake, one of the best at that, it can't be as dangerous as you think if you were to accept his offer.

Maybe it'll be a good thing, maybe just maybe this is one of the only opportunities I'll have at being happy or seeing things on the bright side after having such a shit week. Plus, you didn't have to keep paying in cash to stay longer than you intended at the hotel you were planning to stay in.

You stood up from your seat, collecting your belongings from your desk and placing them in your work bag. Determined to find Shouta to speak with him about his offer, unexpectedly you hear a knock coming from your opened doorway to find him standing there.

"Hey" you said softly, glancing back at your desk and grabbing your phone, seeing you had a message. You only turned it off, thinking to yourself you'd answer it later as you placed it in your pocket.

"Hey, I was just stopping by to see if you made up your mind about my offer, it still stands." He replied, his voice heavy as he watched your movements, both of his hands now in his pockets. You looked back at him, now taking him in fully.

He had gotten a lot taller from when you two were this close, of course that was back in high school before you had left. If anything, if you had gotten closer to him, he might as well have towered over you. You only smiled at him and nodded as you threw your bag over your shoulder, placing your hands in your pockets as well.

"I was actually just on my way to go see you about that actually." You began, scanning his face for any reaction from the first half of your statement, only to see nothing but him nodding. "I accept your offer, but I'm not sure I'll be able to thank you enough for it, I have a lot to bring though." You stated, placing a hand out of your pocket and pointing behind you with a smile.

You said softly, you weren't sure if it was the bandages pressed against his collarbone and lower chin that made him put his head down, but you could've sworn he was smiling just now. He'd do that all the time since you two were children, hiding whenever he smiled or laughed, it's good to see that most things haven't changed.

It's almost funny really, how just a few days ago he seemed like he hated you. Was doing everything to avoid you or even speak to you, acting like the grinch almost, and here he was now, with you, smiling because you accepted his offer to move in with him temporarily.

"If it's your bags being too heavy, I can always help you with them and anything else you're bringing. I have plenty of space so you can put your things where you want." He spoke softly, now taking a step towards you, if you were to even move back you would've hit your desk.

You stood your ground and eyed him as he made his way towards you, you only nodded in response. Now gripping on tightly to the bag that weighed down on your shoulder. Your eyes met with Shouta's constantly within seconds, the tension between the two of you becoming thicker with each glance, as you stepped around him to leave you paused.

"If you send me the address to your place I'll stop by later tonight with my things, I need to pack." You said, not even turning to look at him. You needed to get out of that room, and it had to be quick, whatever it was he saw in you to look at you the way you did made you scream internally.

"I don't think I have your new number..." he said as he turned around and watched your state, it's almost as if you could feel him raise a brow, but you didn't dare to turn around and look him in the eyes again.

"My number never changed" you said simply, now turning to the left as your heels clicked. You made your way down the hallway towards the exit and into the parking lot, digging in your pocket to get your car keys. The entire moment the two of you just shared replaying in your head over and over without fail.

As you unlocked your car and took your bag off your shoulder you chewed on your bottom lip. Tossing your bag in the passenger's seat as you sat in the driver's seat, gripping onto the steering wheel for dear life.

This was going to be much more complicated than you expected.

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You scratched your head as you looked at the way you placed your bags within the trunk of your car. It looked so disorganized, but frankly you were too tired to fix them any better, the car ride would've been bumpy regardless, so it didn't matter too much. Just as you were going to close your trunk, your phone vibrated.

You reached in the back pocket of your jeans and pulled it out, seeing a message from Shouta and the person who had messaged you earlier in the afternoon. You closed your trunk and made your way to the driver's seat, locking your car as you sat in the parking lot of the hotel you stayed the night at. Now unlocking your phone and going to messages you saw the message underneath Shouta's from an unknown number, you rose a brow before opening it.

[XXX-XXX-XXXX: I won't let you forget about what you've done to our family]

You felt a twist in your stomach as you read it, already knowing who it was from, one of your old 'accidents' that occurred right after high school. The one that caused you the most grief and nightmares from the tragedy, and the same one that made you quickly cut the deal from being a pro-hero and working full time for the embassy.

Without a second thought you quickly blocked the number, sucking your teeth as you slumped into the seat, tears forming in the corners of your eyes. You quickly swallowed your emotions as you remembered you hadn't answered Shouta's texts, quickly opening it and reading his message.

[Shouta :) : Hey, here's the address XXXX Main St, XXXX ****. Be safe on your trip here, I'll be waiting outside to help with your bags]

You smiled at his text, looking in your rearview mirror at the bags piled up in the trunk. You shook your head and chuckled softly, only hearting his message and pressing on the address that was underlined. It took you straight to the maps app and you followed your GPS to his place, as you followed it you played music from your favorite playlist on the way.

As you got closer and closer to the destination of his place you began to think how it would be. Was it just a two-bedroom apartment or was it something large and cozy like your own apartment. It must depend on the salary he's getting as both a pro hero and as a teacher, in all honesty you had no idea.

He didn't seem like a huge person on decorations or huge flashy things, so you didn't expect much, but when you drove through in the neighborhood you weren't expecting to see such a nice grey tone looking house. When your GPS told you that this was your destination you blinked out of confusion, looking back at the numbers on the house then your phone.

It wasn't wrong, this was definitely your destination, you just weren't expecting all of this. You shook away your thoughts and pulled into the driveway before seeing the garage open as you shut off the car after parking it. As you opened your car door the garage opened fully, revealing Shouta.

Honestly if you hadn't been paying attention you wouldn't have suspected it was him, he looked entirely different than he did a few hours ago. He was built, and you meant it, he was wearing all black, black sweatpants and a black wifebeater. His hair was pulled back into a low ponytail as he kept one hand in his pocket, raising the other one to wave at you.

Thank goodness he did wave at you, because it snapped you out of the little trance you were having of him. There's no way he was hiding all of that in the outfit he wore on the daily with his students and at night on his patrols. As you waved back at him and closed your door to make your way to your trunk you still couldn't wrap your head around it all.

Lost deep in thought you weren't even aware that when you opened your trunk, he was already making his way right behind you. Before you could reach for the first bag in the back his hand grazed yours as he picked it up, then picked up another and threw it over his shoulder.

Your head sunk down slowly as your breath hitched, not wanting to make this more awkward than it already was. You slowly made your way to the side and picked up two much smaller bags and turned to him as he cocked his head to the side, pointing to the house.

"Just follow me and I'll show you where your room is" he said, looking at you, you looked back to the car with a nod quickly. There was no way in hell you two were about to start yet another staring contest, especially now of all times.

As you followed him inside you got a nice view of the house, well the inside anyway, everything was nice and clean. It was honestly pretty bland inside, no sheer pop of color or decors, just furniture that was a sort of marble grey. Anything you could look at or pay attention too other than the handsome sculpted man in front of you would've sufficed.

As you walked down the hallway, you heard him speaking of you having the room entirely to yourself, and the bathroom was just to the side of it. You only hummed in response to his statement as your mind continued to wander, until a sudden question popped up in your head.

"Why are you being so nice to me all of a sudden?" You asked, your question quickly followed by a yawn, to which you covered your mouth with the back of your hand. Shouta placed your bags down in your new room, it was big to say the least, neat and empty. The bed sheets were a tan kind of color, sand almost, along with a cream-colored blanket.

"What do you mean?" He asked, now turning to you and raising a brow as you placed your bags down on your bed, looking around the room to see where you'd place most of your belongings. You looked up at him, taking a glance at his face before walking over to the dresser that was in front of your bed.

"When we first bumped into each other you looked at me like you hated me, now we're here." You said carelessly, looking at your reflection in the mirror as you toyed with your hair for a little, looking over to see him in the mirror as he crossed his arms.

"I've never hated you" he said honestly, you now turned to look at him, in the eyes this time. Seeing the same look he had before, a look of sadness and sorrow. You only hummed in response yet again before opening the empty drawers to your dresser and looking inside them all, planning which draw would hold what.

You only left the room in one swift movement and made your way back to your car and grabbing your last two bags along with your work bag. You closed the trunk as you locked the car and began walking back inside.

Whatever answer he just gave you when you were inside didn’t answer your question, you hated how he always beat around the bush. Now you were too tired to argue or pry to get an answer that you wanted from him, you only returned inside through the garage to see him standing in the hallway waiting for you. Without exchanging any words, he just came over to you, taking the bags from your hands in one swift movement and walked into your room, placing them with the others.

“Thank you” you said, removing your phone and keys from your pockets and placing them on your nightstand by your bed. Shouta only shook his head at your words.

“No need to thank me, follow me so I can show you around” He spoke, now exiting your room and pointing down the hall for you to follow him. You followed behind slowly, turning your gaze back to the walls and floors now, not wanting to look at him knowing how easily your mind wanders.

You wondered how he felt about you, honestly it couldn’t be anything bad, he had offered for you to live in his house after hearing of your problems. Even though things ended rocky between the two of you and started again off to a strange start here you were, pushing everything to the side as he gave you a personal house tour.

You couldn’t even call this fate, as of right now you had no idea what it was, but whatever it was made you more curious than ever. As the small tour came to an end Shouta had shown you practically everything. The kitchen, living room, his bedroom and your bathroom, it wasn’t a lot, but it could be, his home was spacious, and you liked that.

He had even cooked apparently, and you complimented it too. His food was good and honestly you were surprised when he first told you, not expecting him to be the cooking type. Soon after you helped him clean up and stood around as you watched him.

Not to mention to your surprise you felt something pet against the heel of your feet, startling you as you quickly turned around. You were met with a small black cat, meowing at you softly before repeating the same action as before. You only smiled and relaxed, bending over to pet it, your back now facing Shouta.

You grinned as you called it pet names as you continued to pet it before picking it up and reading the collar. ‘Yoyo’ you read and laughed, knowing there was no way Shouta could’ve named her.

“This was definitely Nemuri’s doing, I think you’re more creative than this.” You laughed turning to Shouta, who was dangerously close to you. Your arm had brushed up against his chest and you knew better than to move. You only turned all of your attention back to Yoyo, as if you hadn’t realized what happened.

“Yeah, it was, I wasn’t sure what to name her, but I had help” he replied, placing his hand on the back of his neck and holding it gently as he sighed. You gave Yoyo a small kiss and hug before placing her down back on the floor and standing up again.

Without thinking you turned around and face planted into Shouta’s side, immediately pulling back and apologizing as you held your head. He only shook his head and apologized as well, placing a hand on your shoulder asking if you were alright. You only nodded and drew your shoulder back, feeling dizzy at the feeling.

He smelled good, too good, like one of those really nice colognes that would catch your attention whenever you went shopping and passed by the men’s section. You were snapped out of your trance when it seemed for a split second someone was standing behind him.

You immediately darted your head to the side, only to see the figure disappear as you frowned. You just brushed it off and turned into the kitchen, checking the time. As you counted how many weeks it had been in your head.

8:36pm

You were late to take one of your medications, your alarm had probably been going off for a while now and you weren’t even aware of it. Thankfully you had already eaten so you didn’t have to worry about taking it on an empty stomach.

“I have to go, I’ll uh, I’ll be back” you said with a pause, quickly turning around and making your way back to your room. You quickly shut off the silent alarm that had been ringing on your phone for nearly an hour before grabbing your keys and heading outside.

As you unlocked your car and climbed into the passenger seat to open the glove department you saw a shadow in the rear-view mirror. You turned around slowly only for the figure to yet again disintegrate from your view. You took a deep breath and searched for the bottle you were looking for amongst the junk in the department box, ending your search when you found a bottle labeled ‘Risperdal’.

As you cleaned up and closed your glove department box and locked your car you quickly walked back inside. The figure appearing beside you yet again, muttering whispers to you as you ignored it and made your way back to your room digging in your bag.

Your pill cutter where is your pill cutter. You’re prescribed to only take half of the full number of milligrams the pill had and unfortunately you had already taken the other left over half 3 weeks ago. It was surprising to you almost, you had never taken them so close together before, things like these were only monthly occurrences, but it was getting worse.

You sighed to yourself out of frustration as you couldn’t find what you were looking for, your grip on your bottle tightening as the faceless figure taunted you, practically laughing at you through a mouth it had grown out of nowhere.

You made your way back to the kitchen, embarrassment hitting you as you realized you had one of two options. Either hoping Shouta had a pill cutter around somewhere or using a knife to cut it yourself.

He raised his head as he looked up at you after drying his hands when he finished the dishes. Smiling at you softly before seeing something in your hands and raising a brow as you wet your lips and parted them.

“Hey um, do you have any pill cutters?” You asked quietly, but loud enough for him to hear, he slowly made his way over to you. He opened the cabinet beside your head filled with medications, as he reached to the top shelf and got a green pill cutter and placed it on the counter.

He then made his way over to his fridge and got a cold-water bottle, placing it next to the cutter. The entire time he kept his eyes on you, only that you weren’t looking at him, more or less something behind or around him had your attention.

Your eyes trailed on the figure that now morphed into a teenage girl, one who you had known well in high school. She went around and teased you laughing at Shouta as she grinned at you sinisterly as she spoke, you couldn’t hear what she was saying as it all came out as whispers. You knew it wasn't her though, the way her body was so deformed, and her face was twisted proved it was all in your head.

You then looked over to the pill cutter, placing the pill bottle in your hand on the counter before opening it quickly. Then opening the water bottle, shaking slightly as you did so before placing a pill within the tiny machine on the counter.

The girl had now made her way over to you as you placed the device in your hand, clamping your hands down on the button attempting to cut the pill. The more and more she whispered to you and placed her hands on your shoulders the more you trembled, your vision clouded with tears as you chewed on your bottom lip.

Within seconds you felt two large hands overcoming your own, and a firm chest being pressed against your back as you heard a click from the pill cutter. You gasped softly as you were snapped out of your trance for a short while as Shouta took the pill cutter from your hands.

He soon opened the device and took the left half of the pill with one hand, his other one rested on your shoulder. There was absolute silence between the two of you, the only thing making noise was you, your breathing was ragged. He paused as he read the label of your pill bottle, frowning softly before turning his attention back to you.

“Can I trust you to take it yourself or do you need my help?” He asked softly, his body still pressed against yours, you only shook your head in response. You only kept your head down and turned around slightly, the whispers of before echoing in your mind.

Shouta hadn’t said anything else, he only lifted your head slightly, his hand grabbing your jaw softly as he looked at you. It’s as if you weren’t even there with him, looking over the side of his shoulder, your mouth still agape. You watched as the deformation of the girl disappeared, her laughter leaving a trail behind.

He took the pill and placed it at your lips, his fingers brushing against your lips focused your attention on him, your eyes now locked with his. You parted your lips even more now, letting the cut pill go past your lips and hit your tongue, the taste bitter as your eyes never left his.

Your eyes were watery was his first thought, the same way they always were whenever you were about to cry. For as long as he knew you it had been that way, you’d squint slightly before letting your eyes water and cry, and he hated it.

He hated how conceited you were, especially with him, and now it hadn’t seemed like things had changed much. Even now, years later you were taking on way much more than you could chew, and he always blamed the embassy for it.

The two of you broke eye contact as you were the first to turn around, placing a hand on his chest to push him away softly so you could reach for the water bottle he had gotten you before. You quickly chugged the bottle two thirds of the way down, the bitter taste still in your mouth as you placed the bottle down.

The hand you had on Shouta’s chest hadn’t left, he grabbed it softly, tugging you towards him as you turned around again. You looked at his face, hinted with disappointment and possibly anger as he saw your gaze.

“Y/n. Risperdal? What has happened since you joined the embassy?” He said, now bending slightly to reach your eye level, his hands not leaving your arms. You had heard him, but his words weren’t as loud as the whispers that were still echoing in your head before you spoke.

“I’m fine, I took it too late” you replied slightly, ready to push him off of you, but his grip only tightened, pulling you in closer. You’re too close to one another, way too close. You weren't sure if your thumping heartbeat was getting louder from the way he held you or the sounds ringing in your mind, but you didn't like it.

Even through the haze of what you’re going through you can tell that this was wrong, even though it felt good, and it made you feel warm inside. You shook your head and pushed him off of you successfully this time as he left you go.

“I said I’m fine.” You repeated harshly, glaring at him as you watched his sad expression quickly turn angry, glaring back at you in return. Your hand clammy as you squeezed it open and closed again. There was no need for him to care so closely to you as he had before, you two weren't together anymore.

“You’re still a shitty liar, I guess you haven’t changed since when you left.” He responded harshly, you looked to the side and thought back to when you left initially years back. Your expression softening as you took a breath and stopped clamming with your hand.

You only excused yourself and bid yourself goodnight, practically speed walking back your room before slamming the door behind you. Taking all preparations and moving your bags to the side as you got ready for bed, laying underneath the covers with your earphones in listening to your music as you tried to tune out your thoughts before drifting to sleep.

Maybe you were right about putting Shouta in danger by living here, but the danger wasn’t from the outside or whoever was after you.

The danger was you.

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Taglist: @getoisinnocent

✴🕷 please do not copy, plagiarize, edit, or translate any works submitted by me. all works are originated and all other pictures used within those works are online images. thank you!! @kryptznnn

[bakugoushotwife]

kinktober day twenty-three: toys

>>> i’ll probably get little to no interaction on my lady pieces but fuck y’all i love them and nobara could DOMINATE ME

>>> starring: kugisaki nobara x curvy!f!reader >>>cw: sleepover conversion moment because i’m nasty, dom!nobara, fingering, nipple play, toy usage, strap, butt plug, vibrator, nipple clamps, overstimulation. >>> wc: 3.4k >>> event masterlist

your monthly sleepover with nobara was a sacred ritual of friendship, one that started due to your borderline bizarre attachedness to each other since the moment you met in high school. of course back then, you two were inseparable—and sleepovers were more of a nightly occurrence than a monthly one. oh but how time changes things. you both stay so busy these days that it’s a miracle you get her to yourself even one weeknd out of the month.

you prep for the occasion like it’s a dick appointment—not that you’ve had one of those in quite some time, nor do you miss them. kugisaki’s attention was enough for you, your best friend knew how to make you feel loved and appreciated far better than any man could at this point anyway. regardless of how often you saw each other, she was always in your phone. she made sure you woke up to good morning messages and wished you the sweetest of dreams every night. sure, they were a little flirty in nature, but that’s just how girls are. all the times she’s jokingly asked for nudes or made sexual innuendos are just her ways of making you feel beautiful and wanted. she didn’t mean a thing, you were sure of it.

but irregardless, you wax your legs and schedule your lash appointments around your visits to nobara. it’s no different this time as you scramble around your apartment to find the perfect set of pajamas to wear over. you decide on a red silky set, hoping that it complimented your freshly cleaned skin. it does more than that, the strappy crop top basically sticks to your chest, v-cut and plunging to give a great peek at your tits. the shorts are just as slutty, like a second layer of skin to highlight the mounds of your ass, the fabric occasionally rode up your thighs to nestle into your fat pussy.

all of this was painfully clear to kugisaki once you arrived. you had to be doing this on purpose, and she was getting sick of it. how many hints does a girl have to drop? she’s been flirting with you mercilessly for years, and tonight may be the night she breaks—you seem to be making sure of it. nobara all but pulls you into her house before the neighbors start lining the streets to gawk at you.

“hey girl!!” you smile warmly at her, setting your overnight bag on the couch. she’s practically scowling when she meets your eyes, though that chipper happiness in them makes it hard for her to be mad at you.

“hey hottie, missed you.” she greets, throwing her arms around you to cover up any aggravation you may have noticed. you of course melt into her without any protests, enjoying her floral scent and the feeling of her hair brushing up against your cheek. she’s focused on the feeling of your loose tits smashing up against hers, and she swears your nipples harden.

“ugh, missed you!” you sigh out once she starts rubbing her warm hands over the exposed skin on your back, pouting when she pulls away. she doesn’t give you time to be sad long, letting her hand fall down your arm to grab your hand, smiling softly as she leads you to the couch. love island is already queued on the tv, and kugisaki is ever so thoughtful—snacks and drinks wait for you on the table. “i think we should have these sleepovers every other week instead—this is getting unbearable!”

she laughs her agreement and lets the show play in the background, sighing that she only gets to see you once a month. “i wishhhh. when are you gonna quit your job and let me support us both?”

you roll your eyes, though the idea of dropping everything and staying here is hardly a bad one. “tch, whenever you’re serious about the offer.” you lean up and snatch a bag of chips, feeling her eyes track you the whole way.

“i’m never not serious! do you even know me?” she huffs, unashamedly checking out your rack. “i may tell a joke babe, but i never tell a lie.” she swears, hand over her heart. you can feel heat creep up your neck from the way she looks at you, and you have to consciously think about watching the show instead of her smirking lips. you’d be lying if you said you’d never considered going gay for your best friend—a proud and out lesbian—but you always felt bad for assuming she was into you. just because she was gay doesn’t mean she likes all girls—and based on her previous girlfriends, you certainly weren’t her type.

but the idea comes to the forefront of your mind at the worst time possible. you think about what it might be like to kiss her—just an innocent kiss. she was always biting at her pouty bottom lip, and they were so pink and cute that it had to feel nice. the dating show fades into the background as nobara pulls you into her chest. she basically moves you into her lap, and the movement isn’t necessarily foreign, but in this moment—you wish you could be anywhere else. your face lands on her chest, and your cheeks burn. you’re nervous she can read your thoughts—the ones that take a turn for the filthy once she parts her legs so that you can lay more comfortably and her fingers find your hair to massage your scalp. it would be so easy to push the fabric of her shirt up and attach your lips to one of them. you can’t help but imagine how that would feel, they soft pillows under your head only entice you further, her ministrations against your scalp make your pussy flutter, and your cheeks burn.

you know she’s experienced. she’s told you stories about some of her encounters, and just like now you worked extra hard to ignore the bubbling warmth in your stomach. you know your best friend loves eating pussy, loves fingering, loves using her extensive collection of nipple clamps and vibrators and straps on her victims—and right now you craved to be one of them. thinking about those pouty lips puckered around your pussy had you squirming, reaching for the couch pillow to hold between your legs with a prayer that it would relieve the ache.

kugisaki isn’t stupid. she can feel your hips moving and circling in her lap, the light sheen of sweat coating your neck and your shoulder blades and as far as the eye could see. she’s grinning devilishly as you grab the pillow and put it where she knows you need her. she shifts a little under you, wrapping one arm around your back to sit her fingers to tapping at your hip bone, the other resting under your tits like a shelf. you only squirm against the pillow quicker, with less precaution. your shame quickly decreases as your need skyrockets, her thumb swiping the underside of your boob. you chew on your bottom lip, adjusting to lay on your back. it moves her stubborn hand closer to your cunt while shifting your breast into her other palm—your needy body moving faster than your brain.

you moan softly as she squeezes the soft mound, her giggle reminding you that this was no fantasy you’ve conjured to get off on her couch pillow; no, you really moaned aloud during love island—and now she’s laughing at you.

“kugi—“ you move to sit up, you have to explain yourself. but what would you say? the truth was just as embarrassing as your pathetic moan. she squeezes your tit again, her other hand moving to cup your warm middle over your shorts.

“what is it, pretty girl?” she asks, her voice dripping with saccharine honey. any protests die in your throat as her fingers find your nipple, circling it through the silky material clinging to your chest. “you have no idea how long i’ve been waiting on you.” she borderline snarls, pinching your now pebbled bud.

your eyes widen at her words, a jolt of pleasurable pain shooting through you as she toys with your chest. “i…i’ve thought about you for a while now..i want to..” you struggle to find the right words as she peels your shirt up, soft fingers rolling your tender nipples between them in a mocking way.

“wanna let me show you a real good time?” she hums, all too aware of your experiences too. her poor little bestie hasn’t cum at another’s hands in years. “you’ll cum, maybe too much.” she laughs, chest rumbling beneath you.

you nod at her suggestion instantly, relieved she said it for you. she moves her other hand to join the one groping at you, massaging your tits as you laid with your back to her chest. she presses every button, tweaking your nipples so deliciously you think she may make you cum just from her expertise—no pussy touching needed. but she’s a generous partner, and she’s been crafting her own fantasies of making a lesbian out of you for far too long. that combination means your days without cumming are over, even if you’re already a whining mess in her lap just from her fingers on your tits.

“i got so many toys you’re just gonna love, pretty baby.” she hums, the recorded episode on the tv fading to black as it ends—mindless late night talk shows taking the place as the background soundtrack. she kisses the top of your head, biting her lip to repress her eager giggles. “there’s a box under my bed. go get it for me. and take that flimsy lil top off, girl.”

you nod, deep under her control with little effort. you get to your feet, noting how your legs feel like they may give out from under you as you walk through kugisaki’s spacious home. you reach for your shirt, dropping the fabric on her bed. you locate the box and gulp at the contents: nipple clamps, various dildos and straps, vibrators and whips—nobara really was a kinky bitch. she’s naked when you come back, giving you a proud smile for following orders. “good bunny. c’mere!!” she squeals, patting the couch.

you’re too busy gawking at her—lean with a soft figure, the ripples of her years spent training as a sorcerer lurking beneath. she tucked some of her cropped auburn hair back behind her ear, her glimmering brown eyes and intoxicating smile almost as addictive as her gorgeous tits and the perfect ass she perched on. you swallow thickly, bringing the box—and yourself—over to the couch. she takes it out of your hands and pilfers through the contents for a headband with bunny ears attached. she extends them out for you with a smile.

“oh yeah, put these bad boys on.” she grins with determination, swinging her legs beneath her to put the accessory on you. “so cute. have a bunny butt plug to match.” she sang as if this was a normal trip to starbucks, grabbing your hands. she tugs you to the couch, gnawing on her lip as she admires your voluptuous rack. “you really are so hot. i’m gonna rock your world, bitch.” she smirks, guiding you to lay against her like before.

you adjust the headband, feeling your cheeks burn. you want her to do just that, and you know she’s capable of it, so your pussy throbs with need as you recline against her body. you’re already breathing heavy from the feeling of her tits pressed to your back—your own nipples hardening almost painfully. she giggles at your excitement and nerves, though she has her fair share of her own. one of her slender hands tilts your jaw toward her face, and your nerves disappear. she still is your best friend after all, and you trust her. “do you like being my pretty bunny?” she asked, looking up at the pink ears perched atop your head.

you nod, “mhm. do you like it?” you ask, and she nods vigorously, twirling some of your hair around her fingers.

“love it. you look so good.” she hums, tracing over your lips with one elegant finger. you nod in soft satisfaction, parting your lips to speak, but nobara silences you with a soft kiss. she’s warm and soft—you like how she moves her hands down to play with your perky nipples again, moaning into the kiss for a deeper connection. it’s not long before you’re moving your hips again, humping your shorts for any kind of relief. she licks at your bottom lip, squeezing and rolling your buds as her tongue makes its way in your mouth and cool metal squeezes down on your sensitive nipples. you gasp, only letting her tongue in further, the weighty sensation of the clasps basically making your pussy a waterfall. you arch off of her and into her all at the same time, the kiss turns sloppier the needier you get, and finally her fingers trail down your abdomen and under the band of your shorts. her hips move against your ass—she’s just too excited to keep still herself, especially as her digits feel out the mess you’ve made of your pajamas.

“ohhh good bunny—someone’s excited.” she hummed, tapping your clit with her soaked fingers. your legs jump a little at the pleasurable sensation. she continues swiping at your clit, a proud smirk on her face at your little mewls. “gonna let me take care of you?”

you nod, humping her hand fervently. she knows just what pace to use, exactly how to press and slide her digits just where you need her. her other arm rests across your chest, if you bucked too wildly you’d wiggle yourself into a headlock. you can’t help but squirm though, feeling that rubber band pull taut in your gut. “gonna cum kugi, it feels so good.”

she rubs your clit faster, loving the way you arch and writhe and make your nipple clamps tighten so beautifully she’ll have you cumming all night. she pulls some hair away from your ear to whisper in your ear, “go ahead bunny. wanna see what my bestie looks like all fucked out.”

you clench down around nothing, feeling your gut burn and your legs shake.

“aghhh—oh my god~” you whine, panting a little as she works you down from your peak. even her slow circles have your gut jumping, and that’s before kugisaki drew her fingers to her lips and sucked your taste off of them. you bite your lip at the lewd action, turning in her lap to give back some of the pleasure she’s been giving you. it was part of your fantasy already, so why not latch your lip around her rosy nipple, sucking on it til it hardens on your tongue? especially when she makes such a lovely face, eyes closing and lips parting in angelic fashion. her moans are so sweet too, low toned and loud in volume. her fingers scrape at your scalp and she gives you a satisfied little grin.

“mm, your mouth is so warm, bunny.” she sighs happily, raking her fingers through your hair as you swap to her neglected mound. you moan softly at the feeling of her breast in your mouth combined with the feeling of her knee notching under your cunt—the wetness sliding all over her skin. you gasp softly, and she takes the opportunity to regain some control. she lifts you up to slide out from under you, you land lying flat on the couch. you hear the colliding of all the toys in her box, wondering which ones she would pick for you next. “can i use all your holes, bestie?”

you nod, spreading your legs even wider as she sits at the other end of the couch between them. she shows you what she wants to use, holding up what could only be the matching bunny butt plug she was referring to earlier, and a cute little clit sucking rose vibe. “course imma get ‘em ready for you. you’re gonna feel so good.”

she turns the vibrator on, giggling up at you as she puts it over your puffy and sensitive clit. your head falls back along the arm of the couch at the intense suction, you almost don’t feel her gather your cum and glide her fingers over your puckered asshole. she spits on it to add more lubrication, tentatively sliding her finger through the tight ring of muscles. your eyes grow three sizes at the pressure combined with the sucking of her toy. your moans are restless as she curls and moves her finger in your ass, adding a second one so that you could accommodate the cute fluffy pink bunny tail she bought with you in mind. you clench around her digits but she scissors your hole open, humming softly. “oh good. my bunny’s all stretched out.”

she spits on the tip of the toy to ease your discomfort, sliding the cute little plug in your ass with a proud smile. the rose toy keeps abusing your clit, and she dips her fingers into your cunt to curl against your spongy insides—finding your spot instantly. the stretch and burn of your hole combined with the attacks on your clit and kugisaki’s perfect fingers has you screaming and grabbing at her hair. you hurtle towards the end way quicker than last time, the burn of too much too quickly dizzying your brain. you can only call her name, vision going black as you cum all over her fingers yet again. you legs clench and shiver, your moans guttural and loud—you were thankful you weren’t at your apartment. you’re gripping the back of the couch with one hand, looking up at her in a daze. she’s drawn two orgasms out of you which is a borderline foreign feeling all on its own, but now she slides a black harness around her hips, attaching a thick and long dildo to its base.

“aw, want one more from you. gotta let me use my dick on ya!” she pouts, absolutely eating up your disheveled appearance. you nod, feeling the cool silicone tip of it gliding between your lips thanks to your messy cunt. “wanna hear you say it. say ‘fuck me please, kugisaki.’” she cooed, letting the tip of the pink dick nudge against your sensitive clit.

“oh fuck—yes, please. i want you to fuck me please, kugisaki. please, god this feels so good—so fuckin—“ you babble mindlessly, too far gone to think clearly. she shoves her cock in your tiny little hole to shut you up—that was her favorite part. you take a sharp breath as she leans over you, her cock burning through your gut like a hot knife. you clutch at the back of your legs so you can see her drive in and out of you, her tits jumping with her force. she’s taking you all in, the way you grip around her toy is so cute she may cum just from watching you—though she definitely plans on teaching you how to return the favor.

“my pretty bunny…like getting your holes stretched, cutie? is this all you dreamed of and more?” she grins, pushing in and out, silicone hitting your spot of need each and every thrust. you nod relentlessly, pawing at her hips. every roll knocks the plug a little deeper against your insides, and you know this orgasm will be different than the ones she already earned.

“yes! yes, kugisaki—gonna squirt—“ you whine, and she laughs manically, nodding and adding her fingers to your abused bundle.

“ooh that’s a girl, soak me then.” she giggles, making it a point to fuck you as roughly as possible. you wail out, tipping over the edge with such a violent burn in your gut that you know it’s too much. kugisaki nearly squeals with glee as you gush clear liquid all over her stomach and thighs, soaking her expensive couch. she rocks her hips into yours gently, milking out your high with shared heavy breaths.

you’re on a different planet, too dizzy and fucked out to feel anything but the mind-numbing pleasure still shocking through your veins. you hear the clinking of her strap hitting the ground, and you can tell she’s trying to clean you up, which makes you smile softly even in your half-conscious state.

she leans over to kiss your forehead, mumbling praises and compliments to your body.

“rest up bunny. gonna teach you how to eat pussy next.” she cooed, kissing your lips this time.

you give her a half grin, “mkay kugi. i wanna put these clamps on you though, bitch. i get toys too!” you giggle—and the sound makes her laugh with you as she puts the ignored episode of love island back on, patting your cunt.

“yeah? we’ll see what you got, little pervert.”

[swiftiethatlovesf1]

Back home p.18

Hii guyss, if you want to read more stories of mine here's my masterlist and if you missed part 17, here it is.

Your life in Monaco was idyllic, growing up alongside the Leclercs. But everything changes when you're forced to leave. Now, returning to the place you once called home, you're confronted with a dilemma: not one, but two Leclerc brothers vying for your heart. Old bonds and unresolved emotions collide-what will you do when the past and present merge in unexpected ways?

The hum of the vacuum filled your cozy apartment as you moved around, tidying up the scattered bits of clutter that had accumulated over the week. The air smelled faintly of the citrus cleaner you’d used to wipe down the counters, and your playlist hummed softly in the background, keeping you company as you prepared for Charles' return.

Your phone, perched on the kitchen counter, buzzed with an incoming call. Smiling, you quickly set the vacuum aside and swiped to answer. "Hey," you greeted, your voice warm.

“Hey, mon cœur,” Charles’ voice came through, slightly tired but still carrying a familiar affection. “I just landed in Nice. I’ll be back in Monaco in less than two hours.”

“Perfect,” you said, leaning against the counter. “That gives me just enough time to finish cleaning and get ready for tonight.”

Charles chuckled softly. “You don’t have to go overboard. I’m already excited for dinner with you.”

“Well, it’s our first official date as a couple in Monaco,” you teased. “It has to be perfect. No excuses.”

“I wouldn’t expect anything less from you,” he said, his tone playful. “What are you wearing, by the way?”

You rolled your eyes with a laugh. “You’ll see when you get here. Don’t ruin the surprise.”

Before he could respond, a sharp knock sounded at your door. You froze, the sound startling you in the quiet of your apartment. You glanced at the door, then at your phone. Charles seemed to sense your hesitation. “What’s wrong?”

“Someone’s at the door,” you said softly. Setting the phone on speaker, you approached the door cautiously. The knocks came again, louder this time.

“Who is it?” Charles asked, his voice tense.

You peeked through the peephole and your stomach dropped. Arthur.

“It’s Arthur,” you whispered, suddenly feeling the weight of all the avoidance from the past week settle on your shoulders.

Charles groaned audibly on the other end of the call. “What? You’ve avoided him all week, and now he’s just showing up unannounced?”

The knock came again, firmer. Arthur’s voice followed, muffled but distinct. “I know you’re home. Come on, open up.”

Your heart raced as you glanced back at the phone. “Charles, I can’t keep avoiding him. He’s my best friend. I need to talk to him.”

Charles’ tone turned sharp. “What are you going to say? That we’re together? He lied to you about me. Do you think he’ll just accept this?”

“I don’t know,” you admitted, your voice wavering slightly. “But I have to try. He deserves to hear it from me.”

“Mon cœur, don’t—” Charles started, but you cut him off.

“I’ll be fine,” you said firmly. “He’s my best friend. He’ll understand. He’ll be happy for us.”

You could hear the frustration in Charles’ sigh. “I don’t like this.”

“I know,” you said softly. “But trust me. It’ll be okay.”

Before he could protest again, you ended the call and slipped your phone into your pocket. Taking a deep breath, you unlocked the door and opened it. Arthur stood on the other side, his expression a mix of concern and frustration.

“Finally,” he said, stepping forward slightly. “You’ve been ignoring me all week. Are you okay? You said you were sick, but—”

“I’m fine,” you interrupted, holding up a hand to stop his rambling. “Arthur, we need to talk.”

His brows furrowed as he stepped inside, glancing around your apartment. “What’s going on? You’ve been acting weird.”

You closed the door behind him, your palms slightly clammy. “Let’s sit down.” You motioned toward the couch, and he followed hesitantly, his eyes scanning your face as if trying to read your thoughts.

Arthur sat at the edge of the couch, his arms resting on his knees, waiting. You took a seat across from him, suddenly acutely aware of how difficult this was going to be.

“I haven’t been avoiding you because I’m mad,” you started, choosing your words carefully. “I just needed some time to figure things out.”

Arthur leaned forward slightly, his elbows resting on his knees. “Figure what out?”

You hesitated for a moment, then decided there was no point in dragging it out. “Arthur… I’m seeing Charles.”

The shift in his demeanor was instant. His face hardened, his jaw tightening as his eyes darkened with a mix of disbelief and anger. He stood abruptly, pacing the room as his hands clenched into fists at his sides.

“What the hell do you mean you’re seeing Charles?” he snapped, his voice sharp enough to make you flinch. “After everything I told you about him? After I warned you?”

You frowned, standing as well, your own frustration bubbling up. “You didn’t warn me, Arthur. You lied to me. You made up some story about him talking to other girls to push me away from him.”

Arthur stopped pacing, turning to face you. His nostrils flared as he glared at you, his anger barely contained. “I was trying to protect you.”

“Protect me from what?” you demanded, your voice rising. “From someone who cares about me? From being happy? That wasn’t your decision to make!”

His laugh was bitter, almost mocking. “Of course you wouldn’t understand,” he said, shaking his head. “He always does this.”

“Does what?” you asked, confused and now slightly alarmed by his tone.

Arthur’s eyes locked onto yours, his voice trembling with barely contained fury. “Charles always takes everything from me. Everything. He gets the spotlight, the attention, the admiration—everything. But not you.” He pointed at you, his voice rising with every word. “He can’t have you too. He won’t take you from me.”

Your mouth fell open, shock rendering you momentarily speechless. “Arthur… what are you saying?”

He took a step closer, his anger giving way to a vulnerability you’d never seen in him before. “You’re my best friend,” he said, his voice cracking slightly. “You’re the one thing in my life that’s just mine. And now… now he’s taking that too.”

The weight of his words hit you like a freight train, leaving you reeling. You couldn’t believe what you were hearing. “Arthur, I’m not something to be taken,” you said, your voice trembling. “I care about you so much, but this isn’t about you or Charles. This is about me, and my feelings. You don’t get to control that.”

Arthur’s jaw clenched, his fists tightening at his sides. He looked like he wanted to argue, but something in your expression stopped him. After a long moment, he let out a bitter laugh, running a hand through his hair. “Of course he wins again,” he muttered under his breath, turning away from you.

“This isn’t a competition,” you said softly, your voice pleading now. “Arthur, you’re my best friend. That’s never going to change. But you have to accept this, for me. Please.”

Arthur didn’t respond. Instead, he strode toward the door, his shoulders stiff with tension. He paused with his hand on the doorknob, glancing back at you one last time. “Don’t expect me to be happy about this,” he said, his voice low and cold. Then he walked out, the door clicking shut behind him.

You stood frozen in place, the echo of his words reverberating in your mind. The Arthur you knew—the playful, kind-hearted best friend—felt like a stranger in that moment. You sank onto the couch, your head in your hands as the weight of the confrontation settled over you.

Your phone buzzed in your pocket, snapping you out of your daze. You pulled it out and saw Charles’ name on the screen. With a shaky breath, you answered.

“Are you okay?” Charles asked immediately, his voice filled with concern.

“I… I don’t know,” you admitted, your voice barely above a whisper. “Arthur… he’s angry. Really angry. He said some things I wasn’t expecting.”

“What did he say?” Charles asked, his tone protective.

You hesitated, unsure how much to share. “He’s upset. He thinks… he thinks you’re taking me away from him.”

There was a long pause on the other end of the line before Charles sighed. “I’ll talk to him,” he said finally, his voice firm. “He’s my brother. He’ll come around eventually.”

“I hope so,” you said softly, your heart aching from the fallout.

“I’ll be there soon,” Charles said, his voice gentler now. “We’ll figure this out together, okay?”

“Okay,” you whispered, clinging to the promise in his words.

As you ended the call, you couldn’t help but wonder how things had gotten so complicated. But one thing was clear: you and Charles were in this together, and that was all that mattered.

Part 19

Tag list: @iamapersonwholikesunicorns, @janeh22, @victoriaholland, @abq654, @iamapersonwholikesunicorns, @anaferreira-4, @larastark3107, @itgirlofthecenturysposts, @boherahpsody, @iamkaku, @jz12, @boherahpsody, @urfavouritef1girly, @meglouise00, @charlesgirl16, @a-beaverhausen, @lol6sposts, @linnygirl09, @weekendlusting

[sunnyie-eve]

49 | Type

Series: Unexpected

Paring: (Matt Sturniolo x OFC Brock!) (Chris Sturniolo x OFC Brock!)

Word Count: 1.1k

Warnings: Matt jelly

| MASTERLIST |

Today Dani was having a guest on her channel that wasn't any of the boys. Honestly, Matt didn't like who her guest was because he knew how some of her fans were. They shipped her with almost every dude she talked to and knew.

"Did it have to be him?" Matt watches Dani play on her phone as they hung out in her room.

"Do you prefer your brother? You know, the one that everyone at the moment says we would've been a cute couple?" She looks up from her phone to look at him.

"That's stupid because you told him he missed his chance." Matt rolls onto his back, "So they need to stop staying they want it to happen." He adds then says in a mocking tone while making a face, "They would be such a good match for each other. Why can't she just agree to be his?"

"If they only knew I was yours." Dani leans over smiling before giving him a kiss.

"That's the only damn reason I want people to know." He sits up, "You're mine. Not his or anyone else." Dani giggles as he pulls her closer so he can hold her, "If guys wanted to they could try making a move on you because to them you're single."

"They could try but my answer would always be the same. No." She grabs his face to kiss him, "Now, stop pouting about me filming with Carrington." She moves away from him.

When he arrives they get into her car parked in front of the house, "Hi." Dani starts her car video, "I'm sure y'all know Carrington." She adds, "He's my first guest that's not my roommates or brother." She says as he smiles.

"I'm very honored."

"And this is only happening because Jake and Tara talked us into this. This is our first time hanging out alone." She laughs.

"That's why I'm nervous. It's new and I'm never like this." He laughs now, "But it's exciting."

Dani agrees nodding her head going for her phone but she didn't have it with her, "Oh, I forgot something inside." She motions towards the house.

"It's okay." He lets her know.

"I'll be quick." She opens the car door.

"Again, it's okay." He chuckles as she rushes inside. "Yeah, so we're doing this because our friends wanted us to." He starts to talk to the camera by himself, "We said okay. Okay guys. But today... We're here to gossip. What a great way to get to know each other. From what I see and know Dani seems amazing."

"Was I quick?" Dani rejoins Carrington in the car.

"Yeah, I've just been ranting to the viewers." He lets her know.

"Again, I'm sorry. I don't know how I forgot my phone inside."

"It didn't bug me." He says before changing the topic, "You know people said you have a type? Have you seen that?" He asks her.

"What?" She was confused never seeing such a thing.

"Yeah like..."

"How?" She laughs.

"Because when we had that group get together last week at Jake's. We were chatting in the background of a video Jake posted so people say you have a type." He explains to her then sees one on the guys leaving, "Oh look, a triplet is leaving."

"Matt." She waves at him so he waves back.

"But because we talked people think your type is brunettes with blue eyes." Carrington goes back to what they were talking about, "I feel like that is such a reach." He laughs, "Just because you're close to three others that fit that. What do you think?" He asks her.

"Actually, they aren't wrong for once." She giggles.

"So that's actually your type when it comes to looks? Is it the eyes that do it for you?" He gives her a look and she smiles since that was the main thing.

"Some blue eyes are just so beautiful." She tells him, "You, the triplets, Colby's and Sam's. I have dark blue but light ones..." She smiles more as Carrington looks at her.

"I love yours." He lets her know.

"Really?"

"Yeah, it's a deep blue." He nods his head.

"But yeah, my ex and everyone I've even had a crush on had light blue eyes." She tells him.

"Now people are gonna assume." He gives her a look and she nods her head rolling her eyes a bit.

"You and the other two."

"Just because someone fits that look doesn't automatically mean you like them. You can find them attractive but you aren't attracted to their personality." He goes on to add what he believes in.

"You completely get it. You and the triplets are good looking but I don't automatically have feelings for y'all."

"That would be odd." He laughs, "It's... Can you imagine just having feelings for someone based on how they look?"

"Good looking but is the biggest red flag." She adds.

"Like it's fine to be attracted to someone but you can't just go off of that. Don't do that guys." Carrington looks right into the camera, "Be smart."

"Be attracted to their personality." Dani does the same, "That's way better than looks."

"Looks are a bonus, guys, trust me." Carrington tells the viewers.

"Personality, looks." Dani makes a top three list, "What's third?" She asks him.

"I don't know." He thinks, "I don't know, you gotta be funny as well." He starts to laugh.

After about another like 20 minutes they finish up then he leaves while Dani goes back inside. Matt was still out and about so Dani got to rest by getting some time alone. With it being quiet Dani decided to take a nap because she woke up at 5:30am for some reason. 

When Matt gets back home, after buying stuff for around the house and food, he goes to Dani's room to see her sleeping. Not having anything to do and bored out of his mind he slides into her bed next to her.

Immediately, his arms slip around her from behind, slotting himself right up against her back. The gentle press of her spine against his chest makes him smile to himself because he can never get enough of how fucking perfectly she fit there. Leaning forward he press his mouth to the soft skin of her shoulder, peppering a few soft kisses there.

Dani hums keeping her eyes shut, "What?" She quietly mumbles still super tired.

"I wanna nap too." He whispers to her as he nudges his nose against the side of her neck. Dani hums in response moving her hand to rest over the one Matt has pressed against her stomach.

Matt grins against her skin. "Love you." His breath warm against her neck. He made sure not to say I this time because he didn't want to scare her again like last time.

Both of them succumb to the comfort of being with one another, "I love you too." She whispers so quietly Matt almost didn't hear her. He stays silent with a smile across his face as his fingers intertwine with hers before allowing himself to fall asleep as well.

[mosaickiwi]

Someone In Between; Something Intertwined

Your babyboi Rendacted (from @14dayswithyou) struggles to be himself in your new-ish relationship. Gender neutral reader c:

14 Days With You is an 18+ Yandere Visual Novel. MINORS DNI

You haphazardly pushed a cart full of returned books across the library. It'd been such a long day. Elanor had called in sick, so on top of desk duty, both the morning and afternoon story times fell on you. The kids were well behaved—as well behaved as elementary schoolers could be, anyway—but by the time it finished you were at your limit. The only solace was that today was Friday, so you had the whole weekend to spend at your boyfriend's apartment. A smile bloomed on your face and you couldn't help but push the cart a little faster as you thought about them, surely waiting outside already. 

Ren, your tall, clingy, dark-haired-at-the-roots boyfriend. It'd been 5 months since you officially started dating, and 4 months since he'd been convinced to let go of the Haruko persona. It was agonizingly slow progress, you still didn't know him well—he came off a bit neutral sometimes, unsure how to act around you before reverting to Haruko or a blank slate to mirror you. But you were happy that small parts of the real him managed to peek through over the months, no matter how much time it took. And it was taking a long time.

As you opened the overflow room, you checked the clock on the wall. It was barely 4 minutes until the end of your shift. The cart bumped over the threshold when you pushed it in and locked the door. Once that was taken care of, you did a quick look over the computer and study areas, picking up scrap papers and trash to put in the bin before heading to the break room, then your desk to grab all your things. 

You took a peek in Conan's office to bid him goodbye. "I'll see you next week! Enjoy your weekend," you said with a cheery voice and walked towards the entrance.

"You too!" he called after you. 

The doors flew open and you practically skipped with relief out into the cool autumn air. You spotted Ren leaning against the brick of the building, dressed in their now-usual style of black on black on more black. His hair was partially tied up in a ponytail, most of it still a pastel pink that fell over his shoulders. From the low collar on his shirt, you could see he'd covered his tattoos with makeup, but a few of his piercings were in. He was trying, and that meant so much to you. His ocean blue eyes were focused on the phone in his hand, so he didn't notice you at first.

"Ren!" You sang out their name and bounced over to them. 

He looked up in surprise before quickly smiling. "I was just texting you," he said and put his phone in his pocket. "Hey, Angel."

"Hiiii," you said as you grabbed his hand, taking gleeful notice of the light blush forming on his cheeks as your fingers laced together. At first you used to think it was only his Haruko persona when he blushed at any contact—but it turned out they really liked holding hands. It was the first thing you learned to keep in mind about the real him. So you made sure to do it as often as possible. "Sorry to keep you waiting."

"It's only 5:01."

"And I'm sure you got here much earlier," you teased him, earning his embarrassed agreement when he flushed a deeper pink.

"Just 20 minutes," Ren mumbled and changed the subject. "Did y'want to stop anywhere? We don't have to go straight to my apartment."

"Nope! Work's got me feeling lazy. I'm all yours for the rest of the night." With that, you stood on your toes to kiss his cheek. 

He kissed you back on the lips, his snake bites catching the light as he smiled. He didn't even try to hide how happy he was. "Good."

~

An hour later, you were sitting on his couch eating pizza, a horror movie on low in the background while you chatted. You'd gotten half the pizza with your favorite toppings and—with a lot of stubborn encouragement on your part—Ren had gotten what were supposed to be his favorites. There was some overlap with a few of them, but he swore up and down they were things he liked. 

"L-Lots of people like pepperoni," he insisted. "You can't be suspicious of that one. It's basic."

"You got more than pepperoni to be suspicious about. But, true. I'll allow it," you conceded and munched away at the last of your pizza slice.

"Besides, I'm not that picky about food."

You swallowed, thinking about the age old debate about pizza toppings. "Pineapple on pizza?" Right on cue, the next victim in the movie shrieked in bloody terror.

"I'd eat it," he said after a moment of thought.

"Oh. Anchovies?" The screams continued.

He was a little more confident on this one. "Yup." 

"What about the really weird toppings?" you asked. You inwardly grimaced as you vaguely remembered a weird picture Moth had sent.. "Like… corn and chocolate?" 

Ren made a face between confused and disgusted. "Together? On pizza? People eat that?"

"Maybe. Probably," you said and shrugged. You grabbed a napkin from the coffee table and wiped your hands, then stood to throw away your paper plate. "People eat plenty of weirder things."

He paused the movie and quickly followed you into the kitchen with his own plate; he'd finished eating a little bit before you. As he trailed you to the trash can, then the sink, he spoke honestly, "It sounds really… out there. I don't think I'd eat it."

"Hmm," you said as you pumped the soap dispenser. You weren't sure if his answer would change if you said you'd eat it—not that you would, ew—but it was nice for him to voice his own opinions without trying to hear yours first.

You felt him trap you against the counter and rest his chin on your head. His arms came around you, but he only began washing his own hands as you were doing. It was an oddly comforting position.

An easy silence fell over the two of you, only broken by the rush of water from the tap. Eventually, the water stopped and he grabbed a paper towel, quickly drying his hands. You expected him to move, but instead he grabbed another towel and started drying your hands for you. He seemed content, even humming quietly to himself. So you simply watched. His rough fingers were steady as he delicately went over every inch of your hands until they were completely dry. He wasn't even half as thorough with himself; it was cute.

"You're really touchy," you innocently blurted out.

Ren suddenly let go, as if he'd been burned. "S-Sorry, Angel. I should've asked—" He quickly backed off, putting distance between you two and fiddling with his sleeves.

You realized your mistake and turned around, shaking your head in apology. Without the persona as a barrier, he was more on edge about your reactions sometimes. "I didn't mean it in a bad way. Here—hand, please," you demanded and held out your own to him. He cautiously took it and you smiled, closing the space to pull him into a hug. "See? No harm done. Touchy is good. Wonderful, even."

Despite the blush on his face, he seemed relieved. "Really?"

"Almost as wonderful as corn and chocolate pizza," you teased.

He laughed for a moment before squeezing you against his chest. "There's no way you'd actually eat that," he mumbled above you and got even quieter. "I'm so sorry, Angel. 'M afraid you'll push me away one day."

His arms felt so nice wrapped around you, but his words broke your heart. "I'd never do that. I care about you, Ren. Okay?" you whispered into his shirt. Your fingers curled tightly into the fabric and you pressed on. "Not Haruko, not anyone else." His real name slipped out in a quiet whisper. "You."

A rather stressful sigh left him and he started rambling, "I'm trying my best. And I get what you mean, but it's hard t’believe you'd want me as I am. I'm less than perfect for you. Why would you want that?"

"I don't need or want 'perfect' like I'm a test you studied for," you huffed in frustration and looked up at them, shocked to find hurt and loneliness in their gaze. "I'm not mad at you!" you immediately sought to reassure him. "But I want to accept you like you've accepted me, warts and all. I'm not perfect either."

"Except that you are per—" he opened his mouth to protest, but the way your eyes narrowed had him choosing his final word carefully. "Are… person?" He pulled away to fiddle with the hem of his sleeve. "I just can’t trust you’d like me when I haven’t been myself that often. You don’t know me that well.” His bangs covered his eyes as he lowered his head and looked away.

“I like the parts I’ve seen,” you stubbornly declared and crossed your arms, rapidly firing off the list you kept in your head. “You sleep like a corpse, you’re a tease and a flirt—even worse in bed. You won’t give anyone the time of day but me, you like your coffee black but somehow have a ridiculous sweet tooth.”

“Angel.” They tried to get your attention, but you didn’t hear them. 

“Little things make you happy even though you’re a pessimist, a drama queen when you want to get your way, a smug, petty brat on top of that, a total fucking geek if I’m being honest—sometimes you get really excited and babble about tech I don’t understand—and the very first thing I learned—”

“Angel,” he interrupted a little louder with a touch on your shoulder and you snapped out of it. Gentle as could be, he pried your fingers away from your arm. You didn’t realize you were practically digging your nails into your skin from how riled up you were. “Okay,” he continued in a low voice, a tinge of awkwardness to it. “You know me, in some ways.”

You smiled up at him, just as self-conscious about your momentary rant. “You really, really like holding hands, too,” you quietly pointed out and wiggled your fingers in his grip. He hadn’t let go, not that you wanted him to.

“I didn’t think there was so much of me—the real me—that you cared enough to notice,” he said, idly tracing over your fingertips. The gentle touch comforted you.

“It’s all important to me. And it made me so excited when I could see those little parts of you," you admitted with a nervous laugh. “This is embarrassing, but I'd try to write down all the things I'd learn when I got home so I wouldn’t forget. But then I’d scribble and tear up the papers—I’d think to myself like ‘that’s creepy, stop it you weirdo.’ Isn’t it though? Taking notes on someone is a bit much.”

Ren seemed to piece something together in his mind before answering confidently, “Not at all, in fact it’s really cute. Who's studying for who, here?”

Heat flushed your cheeks and you blew out a silent breath from pursed lips. “I wasn’t studying. I was happy that you were being yourself! There are so many quirks or habits you don't realize that just make me fall more in… love… with you…?” You trailed off, eyes widening in tandem with theirs as you both processed what you'd just said.

The confused look on his face had you positive that his brain was malfunctioning. At least yours certainly was. “Ah—In love? Like you love me?” he asked in disbelief and repeated himself. "You love me?"

You nodded robotically, wanting to melt into the marble floor. You did love him. And all the little pieces that shined through the cracks in his act. You loved getting to know him, good and bad, bratty or sweet. Confessing to note taking already had you flustered, yet here you were, continuing to run your mouth and put it all out there. “Yeah... I love you,” you managed to say in spite of yourself.

He lifted you off the ground by your waist, drawing a weird squeaking noise you had surely never made before out of you. He didn't seem bothered as he sat you down on the counter and tenderly kissed your forehead. “I love you, Angel. More than anything,” he breathed out against your skin then pulled back. “I really love you.” His hand brushed stray hairs away from your face before he was cupping your cheek, staring at you for a long while with a shamelessly adoring smile. 

Sirens started blaring in your head the longer nothing happened, so you quietly asked, “Can you kiss me before more embarrassing stuff comes out my mouth?”

“Ahh, um, I’m kind of—overstimulated? Overwhelmed? I never thought I'd hear y'say you love me," he confessed with giddiness. "I can’t decide between teasing you or crying from happiness."

“If you tease me right now I’m going to be the one crying."

That got him to choose. Not a moment sooner, he finally kissed you. The sirens in your head quieted down, only to be replaced by butterflies in your stomach as your eyes closed. He was just as affectionate as he always was, but you could tell he had trouble holding his emotions back from the way his hand gripped your thigh. There was a trembling excitement to the gentle kisses he gave. Ren was clearly on cloud nine. His lips drew a feather light trail from the corner of your mouth up to your ear, barely tickling you as he lingered.

“Angel,” he whispered softly as his thumb traced circles on your leg.

You tilted your head to look at him, feeling pure bliss from his affection. “Hmm?”

“Don’t tear up your study notes next time. ‘Wanna read ‘em.”

“Noo!"

[untildawnss]

until dawn characters overhearing their partner saying something negative about them/their relationship

just a few short drabbles about the characters' weaknesses or worse traits and how they might react to hearing a partner talking about it. and wow, this actually took a while.

kind of angsty, but the endings of most of these are kind of open for interpretation

ashley

"i don't know, i just feel like we're stuck sometimes. we're not really doing anything. it's getting kind of boring."

ashley stopped dead in front of the door to your living room. she had wanted to spend a quiet evening at home with you, like you usually did on fridays but evidently you'd had other plans. and you obviously hadn't expected her to get home early. she flexed her hands, once, twice, and opened the door. the room went quiet, you and your friends looked at ashley. "babe, you're home." you smiled, not sure whether or not ashley had heard you. "sit down, i'm gonna get you a glass of wine." you patted the couch next to you. "no thanks. i think i'd rather go and be boring," ashley grabbed her laptop from the coffee table, "in the bedroom. alone."

beth

"seriously, her sister is over all the time. i know, i know they're twins and they're close and everything but i feel like aoutsider in my own relationship sometimes because she never says no to her family and i get the short end of the stick."

beth heard your voice drifting through the open window. you were on the patio, on the phone with your best friend while hanging out the laundry. beth was in your bedroom on the floor above, changing the sheets. are you fucking kidding me? beth sucked her teeth. she knew that you knew that she'd always been the most mature and stable of the washington siblings and that they were super close. "you know," she leaned out of the window. you looked up at her, startled. "you're my family, too. and i never say no to you." - "you heard that?" you groaned. "uh, yeah, me and like the entire neighbourhood. so what's wrong with me and hannah hanging out? it's only once a week." - "nothing, it'd just be nice to be included every once in a while." beth smiled widely at you. "aw, i didn't know you wanted to hang out with us. you should have told me."

chris

"he's always doing something on his phone, sending josh some stupid video or planning another dumbass prank with him. sometimes i think he stopped maturing past the age of 16."

you heard the front door close. apparently you had missed the jingling of chris' keys while you were busy looking for a salad bowl in the kitchen. "cool, didn't know you thought that way about me." chris dropped a plastic bag on your kitchen counter. "i brought dinner, got your favourite. thought i'd come over and we could hang out, maybe watch a movie or something. but it seems like you're busy." you had turned around to face him. "chris, i didn't mean it like that. i'm sorry." he was already on his way to the door. "no, you did." - "fine, maybe i did. but it doesn't mean that i don't love you. where are you going?" he was standing in the doorway, doing fingerguns at you. "josh's place. because i'm immature like that." the door closed and you pulled out your phone. can we talk about this? you walked back to the kitchen, the smell of your favourite food filling the room. thank you for dinner. - let's talk tomorrow, like adults?

emily

"emily wants this, emily wants that. emily gets what she wants, whenever she wants. it's all about her. i think she's her own favourite person in the world and everyone else are background characters for her enjoyment."

emily's phone pinged when she received the voice message. it was intended for your best friend but you had misclicked when opening the chat without realising it. she smiled when she saw your name on the screen and eagerly tapped on the little arrow to play the message. oh. the message wasn't for her. but you had thought of her alright. was she really that bad? her phone pinged again. don't listen to that. too late, she thought. i'm sorry, i didn't mean that. but you did, she knew. because she knew she was a bitch sometimes. because she knew that she had been selfish. no, you're right. she texted back. can i have a second chance?

hannah

"can you believe it? we had a fight and now she's packing her stuff to go sleep at her sister's place. she's blowing it out of proportion. talk about overreacting. everything is drama with her."

hannah had texted her siblings to come pick her up while she was throwing clothes and toiletries into a bag. whatever you were fighting about had escalated, both of you were to blame for that. but now you couldn't even wait until she was out of the house to talk shit about her? absolutely not. she knew she was sensitive but calling her dramatic was unfair. if she stayed, neither of you would sleep tonight. both of you needed to calm down. so naturally, hannah had called her twin sister and asked if she could stay with her for a few days. and naturally, beth had gotten in her car. the place was just too small for both of you to try to avoid each other after an argument. hannah was trying to give you space but sure, she was the one overreacting, not you in the living room, knowing full well that she could hear you. "you know what? if everything's drama with me, maybe i'll do you a favour and move out." hannah zipped up her bag and made her way to the front door. she heard a clatter as you dropped your phone. "what?" hannah was putting on her shoes now. "i said," she removed the butterfly keychain from her set of keys before putting them back. "i'm moving out. we're done." she walked out of the apartment and got into beth's car.

jess

"ugh, sometimes a part of me wants to shake her and ask her to just act like a normal human being. she's not perfect, so why does she pretend to be?"

last you checked jess was in the shower for her "self care day" ritual. that usually took a while, so you put in your earphones and called a friend while you were in the kitchen preparing dinner. you had jokingly complained that her long showers would drive up the water bill because she just had to keep up that image, that she was driving herself crazy competing with no one but her own ego. you hung up when you put the dish in the oven to clean up, maybe see if jess was done in the shower and have a pre-dinner glass of wine. you walked out of the kitchen and stepped right into a small puddle in the hall. ew, wet sock. "jess, can you leave the water in the shower next time?" you walked towards the bathroom and opened the door. jess was standing there in her underwear, a towel wrapped around her head and staring at her reflection. "hey. dinner's almost ready. you want a glass of wine?" she turned around to look at you. "do you think i'm vain?" her question took you by surprise. "what?" - "do you think i'm vain? i heard you talking about me and i want to know if you think i'm vain." she looked like she was about to cry. "jess, babe, no that wasn't what i meant. it's just- you try so hard all the time but you don't even need to. i love you just the way you are. you can be a little high maintenance, though." she sighed. "i know i'm not perfect-" - "you don't need to be." - "but can i still have that glass of wine?"

josh

"i feel like his caretaker sometimes. take your meds, take care of yourself, go to bed at a reasonable hour, don't drink too much, blah blah blah. i'm so over it. at one point he has to start living for himself and not just because everyone else bends over backwards for him."

you hung up the phone and turned up the TV's volume. when you went into the kitchen to get a drink, josh was there. "hey, when did you get home?" - "while ago," he shrugged. "why didn't you say anything?" you opened the fridge, looking for something you're in the mood for. water, or maybe some wine. "heard the TV, wasn't really in the mood for that." josh tapped his heel against the cupboard behind him. "okay. you want anything?" you pointed at the contents of the fridge. "wouldn't want to be a burden." he turned his head to look at you. "wouldn't want you bending over backwards to take care of me." he clenched his teeth. "yeah, i heard that, too." you let go of the fridge door and it closed slowly. "josh, i-" you started, trying to find something to say. "it's okay. i know i'm not always the easiest person to be around. but i'm trying, i'm getting better." you reached out to touch his hand but he pulled back. "i called chris. he's coming to pick me up." - "oh, okay. when are you coming back?" - "i don't think i should."

matt

"it's like matt doesn't even have any opinions of his own. he always just agrees with me. i don't think he has made a single decision in his life, ever."

it had been a week since matt had read your message. he had been using your laptop because he had forgotten his at home and your devices were connected. he hadn't planned on reading it but saw that it was about him. he hadn't even told his sisters or ashley about it and they were usually his go to people. maybe he was bad at making decisions. he hadn't decided how to handle this situation, anyway. yeah, you'd noticed that he had pulled away and asked him if something was wrong but he had made up an excuse about an assignment he had to turn in. he was still thinking about whether to ignore that he had seen the message or try to talk to you about it when you, once again, made a decision for him. his doorbell rang and when he opened the door, there you were, smiling at him. "hey, thought i'd come over. you're done with that assignment, right? can i come in?" maybe he'd finally make a decision. "actually, no. i don't think we should see each other anymore." your face dropped. "what? why? what happened?" - "guess i'm just making a decision for the first time in my life, ever. we're over."

mike

"he's such a fucking macho sometimes. i can literally not do anything without him swooping in and taking over because he thinks he's god's gift to humanity or something. right now he's putting up a shelf because he didn't think i could handle it. it's my place."

you were in your bedroom, sending a voice message to one of your friends. mike had finished putting up the shelf and was about to knock on your bedroom door to ask you if you wanted to grab something to eat when he realised you were talking about him. wow. guess you really needed to get that off your chest. he'd always thought he was just being helpful by offering to do stuff for you. was he really that overbearing? was he a macho? mike had always thought you were grateful when you accepted his help but maybe he'd misinterpreted the way you smiled at him earlier. it did look forced but he thought it was just the stress of moving. before he could move the door opened and you were face to face with him. "mike! were you eavesdropping?" - "not on purpose! but you were kind of yelling." he shrugged. "didn't realise you thought that i was such an ass. didn't realise i was being an ass." - "you're not an ass, just-" you started. "god's gift to humanity?" he said, pretending to fix an invisible halo. "i'm sorry, i promise i will stop swooping in and taking over and wait until you ask me for help. if you still want me."

sam

"we barely spend any time together. she's always doing something, hanging out with her friends, going climbing, running or swimming. are we even in a relationship anymore or just roommates? i don't even know where she is right now."

sam was right above you, watering the plants at the top of the stairs when you walked in. you were probably talking to a family member or a friend. about her. she wasn't sure if she should say something or not. she had continued watering the same plant while listening to your conversation and the water was overflowing now. it reached her feet and soaked through her sock. "crap." downstairs she heard you mutter a quick goodbye before you called through the house. "sam? are you home?" - "yeah, i'm here." she called back from the bathroom, looking for one of the ratty towels you used for spills. you had kicked off your shoes and were walking up the stairs. "don't move, i accidentally drowned gilbert." all the plants had names. sam emerged from the bathroom and threw the towel on the ground, swiping it around with her foot to wipe up the spill. "i didn't know you were home. did you, uh, hear me just now?" sam was staring at you. "yeah," she admitted. "i don't want us to be over. but i don't want to give up who i am, either." you nodded. "i know. compromise?" sam nodded back at you. "we can try."

[gummysharklover]

I BET ON LOSING DOGS !

summary: ᯓ˚࿔ song number 1; based off the song i bet on losing dogs by mitski send me a number 1-100 and i'll write a schlatt blurb based on the song from my top 100 songs!

notes: ᯓ˚࿔ angst D: ᯓ˚࿔ this one is a little longer because ive been working on a fic based on this song for a bit now! ᯓ˚࿔ no use of y/n ᯓ˚࿔ not proofread!

wc: ᯓ˚࿔ 723

i bet on losing dogs i know they're losing and i pay for my place by the ring where i'll be looking in their eyes when they're down i'll be there on their side i'm losing by their side

You take a deep breath before putting your key in the slot. As the door opens, you're hit with a wave of emotion when Schlatt's eyes meet yours. He quickly looks down, continuing to swipe meaninglessly on his phone.

The house is dimly lit, and you stumble over a pair of shoes he's left at the entrance. You sigh as your gaze sweeps the room. Unopened mail piles up on the dining room table you never use anymore, and you feel something gut-wrenching pull at your heartstrings when you see the mountain of unwashed dishes in the sink. The TV is background noise as you walk to the bedroom.

It's cold in New York this time of year, and you shiver as you strip your work clothes. Once you've changed, you walk back to the living room. Schlatt's smiling at his phone. When he looks up, his eyes meet yours, and for a split second, he notices your silent pleading for him. But seeing his expression in your eyes' reflection urges him to look anywhere but at you.

The bar was dimly lit, buzzing with chatter and laughter. You weren't supposed to be there—you had told yourself you would take a night to yourself, but a friend insisted. About an hour in, she left you alone at a table full of half-strangers. Then you heard an unmistakable laugh across the bar, and you saw him. You didn't know his name, but he filled the space like a beacon of light. He leaned against the bar, animatedly gesturing with a bottle of beer in hand. His voice cut through the noise as he mocked somebody's drink choice. You laughed softly at the joke, and he took notice immediately. He had narrowed his eyes and called out to you; you were quick to retort—the bar patrons erupting into laughter as you did, and Schlatt grinned as he walked over to you. He introduced himself, and you shared playful banter and quick-witted jabs the rest of the night. You had exchanged numbers, and you left the bar with a sense of giddy pride.

But as you try to recall the memory, it dances elusively at the edges of your mind, leaving you with a haze of despair. And a deep sadness crashes into you, causing a tinge of numbness to spread from your fingertips straight to your heart.

Over the following weeks, you would talk on the phone until the early hours of the morning. It was a dance—you would complain about having to sleep because you had work in the morning, and he would plead for you to stay up just a little bit longer. You always succumbed to his request.

Then, one night, he showed up at your door with a takeout bag.

"Didn't feel like bein' alone," He softly admitted with an apologetic look.

So you welcomed him into your apartment and sat in comfortable silence while you ate.

"You ever feel like you're just winging it?" He quietly asked.

You looked at him with an expression he couldn't decipher, "All the time."

And, slowly, he opened up more and more. But he was always cautious about his feelings. He was intellectual about his problems, explaining them factually and leaving out any emotion. He had a tendency to deflect when things got too serious, and it was a constant reminder that his walls would never fully be down.

But something about him was almost addictive. You knew he was trouble—you saw the signs—but you couldn't help the spark you felt when you saw him or heard his voice.

You sit beside him on the couch, feeling the quiet distance between you continue to grow. You open your mouth, wanting to say something, but the words get caught in your throat as tears well in your eyes. Schlatt stands up abruptly and silently leaves the room, leaving you to choke back sobs as you hold your head in your hands.

You knew this would happen from the moment you had your first fight, but you let it get to this point anyway. You're not sure why you do it. Maybe it's because it's all you know—because broken love is familiar—comforting. And as you sit on the couch, you carry the weight of loving people who don't—or can't—love you back in the capacity you desire.

thank u for reading <333, please reblog if you enjoyed! it means a lot to me :D

[witchygagirlwrites]

Broken Bonds- Part 9

Former (ish) Greg "Mouse" Gerwitz x Reader, BabyDaddy! Jay Halstead x Reader

When an undercover op leaves Jay struggling you don't leave him to face it alone

Warnings: talks of violence, hate crimes

“So are we doing a co-ed baby shower or am I gonna be the only guy there?” Kevin asked, sitting on the edge of your desk with a broad grin. You pushed your chair back a little to look up at him and shook your head with a laugh “Didn’t really think it was an issue of guy or gal. If anyone who loves me and Jay wants to come celebrate our daughter, they’re welcome to”

He nodded “Well then you know I’m gonna be there. Vanessa and Jordan have even sent gifts once they found out she was a girl and you know uncle Kev has to make sure she’s looking right” time he said that apparently Addy wanted to make her opinion known because you could feel what was either her elbow or knee running across your stomach. Kevin watched the movement with a small smile until you grabbed his hand and felt around a little before placing it right on top of her movements. His smile grew when he felt her “Damn. She’s as strong as her mama”

Kevin was one person you hadn’t worried about judging you in the least from the word go in any of this. He’d always had the biggest heart and if he cared about you? He’d go to war in a heartbeat. “I’m sorry we haven’t really gotten to spend any time together in the last few months Kev. I swear you’re still my best friend” you told him and he laughed lightly, turning his hand from holding your stomach to holding yours “I know lil mama. You’ve been going through a lot. I’m just glad it seems to be calming down a little because I was worried there for a while”

You cut your eyes around to where Hailey was talking to Kim, Hank was on the phone and Adam was gone with Jay. “Did everyone notice how insane my emotions were?” he shrugged “Upton pushed it off on hormones anytime anyone mentioned it so they wouldn’t push the subject but I know you. You know I love Jay and Mouse but if those two would’ve put enough stress on you that something would’ve happened to you two? I would’ve been helping Stella drop bodies”

You laughed at the thought of your fire lieutenant sister and detective best friend sneaking onto a military base in an active war zone to go after someone, only after taking out a detective in Chicago. “Neither of them would’ve purposely done that” he nodded “I know but that wouldn’t have helped our feelings” you shook your head “You two are insane, you know that?” he shrugged “You are her sister and damn near mine. We’re just as protective of you as you are of us” 

You gave his hand a squeeze “And I always will be” he winked at you then stood up “In that case since I know I don’t gotta crash next week I’m gonna get back to work” you motioned to your computer “Me too”

Things had gotten better. Things were still pretty silent from Mouse but you hadn’t expected him to exactly be chatty. That man had taken more than anyone should’ve had to in stride and still put your health first. 

The first time you’d gotten an email from him after telling him about Addy you’d nearly cried even if it was just a photo of a crescent moon over the base with one line that said Made me think of you

You’d changed the background of your phone to the photo and planned to keep it like that until Addy was born and took its place. The standing plan was that he’d only call if his unit was moving, his orders changed or his contract got an end date. Beyond that or the emails you sent him he didn’t want any contact and you couldn’t blame him. That was why you always kept the emails short, just told him you hoped he was safe and left it at that. You refused to hurt him worse, even if it made you ache not to tell him at every chance just how much you loved him and hoped like hell you’d get to see his face again one day.

It was about noon, everyone was just finishing up lunch at their desks when Hank came walking out of his office “Listen up. We had a shooting at a mosque on the south side. Three confirmed dead, two on their way to med. Upton and Burgess, go to med and interview the families. See if anyone remembers anything. Kidd see if you can pull anything from any traffic cams or security cams nearby. The rest of us will head to the scene”

You nodded and turned to your computer as everyone started grabbing their jackets. You felt Jay’s hand on the back of your chair before he was leaning over you to gently touch your stomach. “I’ll see you when I get back” “Talking to me or her?” you teased so he kissed the top of your head “You’re carrying her so both”

You heard him turn to catch up with Kevin who he was no doubt riding with so you turned your attention to trying to find any footage you could of the shooter.

___________________

By the time everyone got back to the precinct the knot in your stomach was growing. You’d clocked the posture and formation of the guys the moment you saw it. When you pulled the partial of the tag you’d gotten from the getaway car it had confirmed your fear. It belonged to Matthew Riley, an Army vet who was medically discharged about four years before.

When you dug deeper you found out he’d struggled with PTSD, depression then that turned into substance abuse which in turn caused his wife to leave him and get granted full custody of his two kids. The last social media footprint you could find was on a page for a militia type group that was ranting about the “outsiders” in the country and how they needed to “purify” it.

“Kidd, what ya got?” Voight asked as everyone filed in from the back hallway because you were at the board, adding everything you’d found. Your eyes flickered towards Jay before you ran down everything you’d found out.

“Ok, do we have anything more on this group?” you shook your head “I’ve put in some calls but so far nothing. This is the first big move they’ve made. Considering the gear I couldn’t identify any of the other men and on their site there’s too many to narrow it down before they could hit another target. I’ve got an address on Riley’s ex wife and an A.P.B. out on his car”

Hank nodded “Ruzek and Burgess go talk to the ex. Atwater, Upton and Halstead hit the streets, see if any of your C.I.s may have heard something” “Got it boss” Adam nodded then him and Kim headed for the back hall. 

You grabbed Jay’s hand on the way by “Hey, you good?” you knew how these types of cases affected him in the past. He smiled slightly  “Yeah, I’m good” then slowly pulled his hand out of yours and headed behind Adam and Kim. Kevin patted your shoulder on the way by and Hailey assured you “We’ll keep an eye on him”

The ex wife proved to be a bust. She hadn’t spoken to him since their divorce two years before. “She stuck with him as long as she could. It just became too much” Kim explained from where she sat on Hailey’s desk. Jay hadn’t spoken since him, Kevin and Hailey had come back from talking to C.I.s and you were starting to worry but you weren’t going to say anything.

“Kidd, anything on any of the other members of the group?” Hank asked you so you shook your head “The ones that actually have phones I’ve got but they’re inactive. The ones that have cars I’ve yet to find on any traffic cams. It’s like they’re all hold up somewhere just out of eyesight and that thought alone is scary as hell”

Kim’s phone started ringing so she answered it, looking around as she said “Thank you for letting us know” when she hung up she stood and walked to the board to move one of the victim’s faces over to the deceased slot. “Damn” Kevin breathed. 

Adam ran a hand down his face “How do we find a fricking unit that has just as much, if not more training as we do and doesn’t want to be found?” Jay cut his eyes up “Put a prime new member out in the open for them” you felt your heart drop. Was he really offering to go under?

You could practically feel everyone’s eyes on you when Hank said “You think that’s a good idea Jay?” Jay nodded “C’mon Voight. We set up somewhere with a few other undercovers. Make it big enough and look good enough to get their attention. They’ll find me then we got em”

Your hand went to your stomach without thinking. You wouldn’t interfere with Jay’s job anymore than you’d want him to interfere with yours. That didn’t mean you had to like it and that didn’t mean you wouldn't be keeping Stella and Will on speed dial for the entirety of this op.

Hank nodded slowly “I’ll make some calls and get your uc apartment in line” Jay nodded as Hank walked towards his office. You refused to look anyone in the eye but a pin drop could’ve been heard when Jay stood and walked over to your desk “Hey, can we talk?” you looked up to see he was holding a hand out. Hailey, Kevin, Adam and Kim were all four trying their best to make it look like they weren’t paying attention.

You stood without Jay’s help and walked towards the breakroom. He walked in behind you and shut the door then pulled the blinds. You turned to face him after taking a deep breath. “I don’t fucking like this Jay. The last time you went under like this you and Mouse were up for a week straight after”   

He took a step towards you so you met him halfway, letting him slip his arms around you. He rested one hand on your lower back and one on your stomach “I’ll be ok. It’ll just be a few days but you saw what those guys did. What if that was the beginning? You pulled the videos off their site, saw what their ideas are. We can’t leave them on the street”

You nodded “I know. I know it’s our job. That doesn’t mean I have to fucking like it” he smiled and leaned closer to press a kiss to your temple “Can I ask one favor?” you nodded “Yeah” he pulled away to look down at you “Will you stay with Stel while I do this?”

“Why?” you asked and he moved the hand on your stomach around just enough that Addy reacted to it. “Because you’ll be worried. Here you’ll have everyone around you but when you go home I know your mind will get too loud. With her and Kelly there it wont. Plus if something went wrong they would be there. That helps me focus knowing you two are good”

“Low blow Halstead” you grumbled and he grinned “See? I can play that game too” you shook your head “I’ll text her to let her know” “Thank you”

It was decided Adam would go under with Jay because a two man team taking out a clinic of “outsiders” was more believable than one. While Adam’s undercover persona Jon didn’t have the military background Jay’s undercover persona Curtis did because he didn’t know the things Jay did, you did make Jon’s father former military to make him more attractive to the group.

You sat watching the security footage of the “clinic” from the precinct. The plan was for “Jon” and “Curtis” to attack the clinic around ten and the CPD to barely miss catching them. You had rooted their online manifesto right to the militia group’s front door. All you had to do now was sit back and let it play out.

________________________

Once Voight called it you made sure the false news report would be everywhere online any member of the group looked. They’d have no choice but to find “Jon” and “Curtis” 

You sat at your desk,waiting to get a text from Jay. He was supposed to let you know when he and Adam got back to the uc apartment. Hailey, Kim, Kevin and Hank were on their way back along with a loaner detective from major crimes that worked well with the unit in the past since you couldn’t exactly hit the streets.

You were on the verge of panicking when your phone chimed we’re under. Stay safe. See you soon. That would be the last contact you could have with Jay until the actual meet with the group came down. All other contact would be through Voight or Kevin.

You let out a breath and laid your phone down, running a hand over your stomach. Why had your life gotten so complicated? You couldn’t dwell because all at once the group’s phones started lighting up one by one “Took the bait” you whispered to yourself with a smile before going to work to try to triangulate their locations.

You couldn’t sleep. Why the hell did you expect yourself to be able to sleep? Your baby was planning soccer with your internal organs, the father of said child was undercover waiting to be plucked up by an extremist group with one of your closest friends.

You turned over for what felt like the thousandth time when the door opened of Kelly and Stella’s spare bedroom you were back staying in. You looked over your shoulder to see Stella. “Did I wake you up?” you asked with a grimace. She shook her head “No. I was worried about you”

She walked over and climbed into the bed behind you, sliding her arm around your waist to rest her hand on your stomach. “Mouse will survive this tour. Jay will survive this undercover op. Addy will be the healthy and happy and everything will eventually work out ” “I know” you whispered and she buried her face into your hair “Then sleep because my niece needs it” you laughed lightly and said “Yes ma’am” 

It wasn’t long before you did indeed find yourself lulled to sleep simply by the comfort of being held.

It took exactly two days before Adam and Jay were neck deep with the group and privy to their next target. It was the larger mosque on the north end that was hosting a celebration. Over two hundred people planned to be in attendance. They also didn’t plan to just use guns this time.

The unit’s floor had never been more insane than it currently was. Detectives from Major crimes, a couple marshals and even an agent or two from ATF was slammed into the tight quarters ready to swoop down upon Voight’s all clear. 

You’d had one or two of them doubt your being there with how far along you were until you hacked one agent’s phone while smiling in his face. “What she can’t do in the field she’s learned to do behind a computer” Hank told them with a smug smirk. You shrugged at the agent “That was slow compared to who I learned from”

After that no one doubted you being there and instead was routing questions your way too. Especially when Hank added in one of the detectives that had gone under was your child’s father. That had earned you a look of respect from the marshals at the fact that you were working so calmly under pressure, if only they knew it was a fake it till you make it kind of thing.

_______________________

You watched everyone leave and was left listening to the coms and watching surveillance from the convenience store across the street. You felt your stomach flip when a truck rolled up outside of the mosque and men started to step out. Even in full gear, with a mask on you would recognize Jay anywhere. Next to him you clocked Adam along with half a dozen other men. 

According to the message Adam got out to Hank there were four other men that would plan the explosive while the rest of them were supposed to take out who they could with the firearms. “Hold until my signal. Those are my guys” Hank warned across the coms and you smiled. He was an asshole but his unit was his. 

You saw Jay say something to another man and assumed that was probably Matthew Riley. Damn you wished he had a com to know what was going on. Another car rolled up and that must have been the signal because the men spread out and moved towards the mosque. Four went to the front entrance and four towards the back.

You said a silent prayer when the group with Jay and Adam disappeared from the screen. You didn’t have eyes inside so you would be blind. The sound of automatic gunfire made you flinch right before Voight’s voice “Go go go”

You watched as agents poured out of homes and cars that were around the mosque. You saw Hailey’s blonde hair next to Kevin’s broad frame followed by Kim’s dark brown hair and took a deep breath. Your unit would bring him back. You had to trust that.

Out of the ten members of the group, eight arrests were made. One guy got shot drawing on Hailey and unfortunately Matthew forced Jay’s hand into putting him down.

In total the group had thirty three members. One of the arrests rolled over on the rest of the names and after that addresses were easy to find. Judges were lining up to sign their warrants. It was nearly ten at night by the time the final arrest was made and your unit made it back to the precinct to finish up and head home.

You were talking to Trudy when Hank led the unit up through the back hallway. Adam was first through and he gave you a tired smile then was Kim who smiled “That was exhausting” Hailey walked over to whisper in your ear “He tried to talk Matthew down. Adam said the two spoke a lot over the last couple days” you nodded and she patted your shoulder with a small smile.

Kevin walked over and leaned down to hug you when he walked in “I hate these kind of cases but love when they’re done” you laughed lightly “Yeah, they’re even worse when you’re stuck here”

Jay was last through the door. He looked like he hadn’t slept since the last time you saw him. There was blood splattered on his jeans, what looked like dirt or soot smeared across one side of his face and the look in his eyes told you his mind was anywhere but there. You cut your eyes at Hailey who gave you a small nod. “Everyone head on home” Voight dismissed you all as soon as he saw Jay was in the bullpen as if he was waiting on him. 

You stood up and walked over to where Jay was now leaning against the wall, hands resting on the vest he still wore which alone told you his head wasn’t on right because normally he would’ve already stripped the vest. You didn’t quite touch him, afraid of startling him because you didn’t know how bad it was “Jay?” you called his name lightly and he blinked before his eyes finally focused on you and the look in them softened automatically “Hey”

“Hey” you smiled and held your hand out “You headed home?” he nodded and took your hand. He didn’t say anything as the two of you walked downstairs behind Kevin who looked over his shoulder at you twice. You shrugged because you didn’t really know what Jay needed at that moment so you had to trust he’d let you know.

Once you were outside in the cool night air Kevin wished you both goodnight and headed for his car. You walked with Jay to his truck. “So I’m gonna go home tonight since you’re not under anymore” you spoke and he nodded “Ok” he reached out a hand to your stomach but stopped and curled it closed “I’ll see you later” he spoke low, eyes moving from your stomach to your face. You nodded “If you need anything you know where I am” 

He watched you walk over to your jeep and get in before climbing in his truck. A part of you started to ask if he wanted to stay with you but you weren’t sure that was the right idea either. You sighed as you pulled out onto the road, glancing down at the polaroid and ultrasound on your dash before turning your attention to the road.

You were asleep, curled up on your side  when your phone started ringing. You groaned as you pushed yourself up the bed and tried to find it without opening your eyes. When your hand finally wrapped around it you brought it to your ear and just answered it with a “Kidd”

At first you thought whoever it was had hung up before Jay’s voice finally hit your ears “I’m sorry for waking you up but can I please come over?” you wiped a hand down your face,worry for him pushing sleep out of you. “Of course” “I’m on the way” he replied then hung up.

You laid the phone down then climbed out of bed. You needed to put on sleep pants considering you’d gone to bed in just a maternity camisole, which considering it was winter was probably insane but she was making you a human furnace most night.

_________________

You’d nearly dozed back off on the couch by the time Jay knocked on the front door. You walked over and opened it to let him in and closed it behind him. The moment he crossed the threshold he pulled you into a hug, one hand going to your stomach. “Please don’t take her from me” he begged, voice breaking.

“Jay?” you asked, leaning back as far as you could from his grip to look up at him. Dark circles were under his eyes, that same hollow look still there along with unshed tears. He’d showered and changed but you doubted he’d ate or slept since leaving work.

“What is it?” you asked, feeling your own tears threaten to fall at seeing his. “It broke him losing his kids sweetheart. That’s what made him not care. Everything he saw, everything he did. He could deal with it by going home to his kids but when he lost them he didn’t care anymore. Please don’t take my little girl, I love her so damn much already. I know the shit in my head gets to be a lot at times but I am trying to be better for her I really am”

You pulled him down into a hug and felt him bury his face into the bend of your neck, tears wetting your skin “Jay you listen to me. You are her father.I would never take her from you. I see that you’re trying. You’re a good man and if you stumble I won’t leave you down there I’m gonna help you to your feet. We’re partners, remember?” 

He nodded and you blinked hard a few times to stop your own tears from falling. “I knew this case would mess with your head” “I’m sorry for waking you up for this” he whispered and you stepped back to look up at him, really look at him “How much have you slept in the last week Jay?”

At his silence you shook your head and grabbed his hand “C’mon” He let you lead him through the apartment and to your bedroom, his eyes widening slightly “Don’t get excited cowboy. We ain’t hitting round two” you teased, reaching to take his jacket off then nodded to his boots “Kick those off”

He did as you told then looked at you questioningly so you said “Take your jeans off unless you’d rather sleep in them and if you would it’s nice knowing I’m pregnant by a psychopath”  “I didn’t come over here to try to get in your bed” he whispered, eyes dropping to the floor as a look of shame flashed across his face at the thought that you were thinking this was a show to get you to take him to bed. You nodded “I know but you have said and I’ve seen that you sleep pretty well when you’re near her and currently being near her means near me. So get comfortable and get in the bed. I’m pregnant and tired. You’re exhausted so let's go to bed”

He nodded slowly and unzipped his jeans before pushing them off his hips. He folded them in half and sat them on top of your dresser. You smiled “See? No big deal since I have seen you naked after all” you ran a hand over your stomach and he smiled so you waved a hand “I’ve got the left side so you’ve got right” you slipped under the covers and motioned to him.

“Is it ok if I take my shirt off?” he asked and you touched your hand to your chest in mock shock “Oh my Mr Halstead! Topless! That’s indecent” and was rewarded with a full grin before he slipped his shirt off and put it with his jeans before joining you in the bed. 

He turned on his side facing you and brushed the hair out of your face, hand cupping your chin. “Thank you. I know I’m not who you want here but thank you” you covered his hand with yours and smiled softly “Get some sleep Jay. You deserve it” his hand moved from your face to your stomach “What happens if Mouse decides to come home when his contract ends?”

That was the first time in weeks he’d directly said anything about Mouse. You raised your eyes to look up at him “What do you mean?” he raised his eyes to yours “He still loves you now just as much as he ever did.Addy doesn’t change that..Are we still going to be good if he comes back? Don’t get me wrong baby I want him home safe and I want you happy but I want us good”

You reached a hand up to his face “What happens if you date?” he smiled “They’ll have to accept that you’re my partner, the mother of my child and my other half in some ways. No matter if we’re not together we’re gonna be in each other’s lives regardless”  You nodded “Same goes for me, now like I said before..get some sleep and for the record, if I didn't want you here, I wouldn't have told you to get in the bed”

“Goodnight” he whispered, hand gently rubbing your stomach. “Goodnight” you replied with a yawn. You fell asleep with his hand stretched wide across your stomach.

@desimarie12

Part 10

@allisonargent144

@waywardhunter95

[sapphic-coded]

I Swear That I Don't Have A Gun

You grew up in Ohio with your father, brother, and sister. Your family was small and strange. Because of that, you were picked on relentlessly at school. Until another weird kid showed up. Her family moved in across the street from you. It wasn't long until the two of you became friends. Your friendship became the light in your life. Until it ended suddenly. Rumors followed your friend's disappearance. Russian spies. You didn't see her again until you crossed paths at work.

Series Masterlist

Natasha Romanoff x fem Reader

Warnings: Violence. Reader is a messed up assassin and does a great job. Childhood trauma creeping around in the background. Flip phones. Minors DNI.

Word Count: 3.7k

Author's Note: Thank you for the constant love towards this fic. Here is chapter three! Let me know if you want to be added to the taglist. I will be on vacation this week so chapter four won't be up until the following week. Enjoy!

Taglist: @natsxwife @iliketozoneout @newawakening9 @natasha-1million @ilovemcuff

Chapter Three: Would You Like To Hear My Voice?

Mount Vernon, Ohio – 1992

The cafeteria was alive with the chorus of loud, excited conversations punctuated with occasional laughter. You sat at your usual seat at the far end of the long table as you opened up your lunch. Nat sat to your right peeling an orange. It had been a couple days since you two shared your first conversation together, and in that time you had already learned so much about each other. Talking to Nat in between lessons had changed nearly everything. You were no longer going through the motions. You no longer felt alone. School seemed to now go by at an alarming rate. It was no longer one, long monotonous chore. 

The first thing you pulled out of your brown paper bag was one of your father’s many flasks. You twisted off the cap and brought it to your nose. One quick sniff confirmed exactly what was in the flask. You had been hoping for water, but it was definitely whiskey. You screwed the cap back on and shoved the flash back into your bag. Then, you pulled out a plastic bag that contained two halves of cold, burnt toast. You could see the remains of the butter your father had spread across it. 

“You should probably stop letting your Dad pack your lunch,” Nat commented before she broke off a piece of her orange and handed it to you. 

You took the peeled orange slice. “My brother offered to take over, but my father finds it therapeutic.” You shrugged your shoulders and ate the orange slice. “Thanks.” 

Nat set her orange aside and reached into her lunch bag. She pulled out two peanut butter and jelly sandwiches. She handed one to you. “Here. My mom made this for you.” 

You took the offered sandwich. A thousand questions came crashing through your mind all at once, yet your mouth stayed shut. The sandwiches looked identical. Cut evenly down the middle. The weight of the sandwich felt almost bizarre in your hand. You were used to your father’s lunches whether it made sense or not. Whether it brought you joy or not. You don’t know what to say. A part of you was fixated on what Nat said. Her mom. 

You started to lift one half of your unexpected sandwich to your mouth but stopped. There were so many questions running through your mind. You needed to voice them. Yet all you managed to ask was, “Why?” 

Nat finished chewing an orange slice. “I told her about your lunches.”

She talked…about you? Usually such a discovery would light every nerve in your body. The excitement would be nearly unstoppable. You would feel warm and happy. But none of that happened. Instead, you couldn’t get past the image in your head. You were trying so hard to see it, but it eluded you. All you could imagine was Nat talking into a thick fog. You couldn’t imagine its response. Whether there would be joy or anger. Apparently, all that fog would produce were two identical sandwiches. 

“She was worried that you were hungry,” Nat said. 

You looked down at your sandwich. Even with that piece of information, you still didn’t understand. Why would a stranger be concerned about your potential hunger? 

“Oh,” you finally replied. You looked at Nat and smiled. “Thanks.” You took a bite of your sandwich, and your smile grew. You still felt a bit lost, but the taste of the peanut butter and jelly helped lure you out of your head. 

London – 2010

The motion sensor lights click on overhead as you push the gray cleaning cart down the short, wide hallway. The harsh odor of the cleaning agents assaults your nose, and the blue jumpsuit you wear is one size too big on you. The brown belt you wear is cinched tight around your waist. The footfalls of your black boots are quiet against the clean tiled floor. The hallway empties out into a large square room filled with rows upon rows of cubicles. Large glass windows along the perimeter of the room hold back the heavy dark of the night outside. 

Nearly all the cubicles are empty. Only a handful of the room’s lights are left on which allows thick shadows to stretch across corners. The sound of fingers typing against a keyboard draws your attention to the cubicle with the only employee left on this floor. You push the cart down a row of cubicles until you pass the only one currently occupied. Sitting at their desk, hunched over a laptop, is your target. 

Alan Wellman. Forty-six years old. A bit on the shorter side. Happily married with two kids. Slightly overweight. Balding. Brown eyes. An excellent coder. You push your cart past his cubicle and keep walking until you reach the end of the row. You let go of the cart and lift up your arms to pull your hair back into a messy bun. You listen to the rhythmic typing as you bend down and reach into a yellow bucket on the bottom shelf of the cart. Your fingers curl around the familiar weight of your Beretta. You pull out your gun with one hand while your other hand dips into the fantastically deep pocket of your borrowed jumpsuit. You withdraw your silencer and take your time attaching it over the barrel of your gun. Then, you carefully slide your gun into the largest pocket of your brown tool belt that hangs around your waist. 

You unroll a fresh, black garbage bag and turn towards the first empty cubicle on your right. You grab the waste bin within the cubicle and dump the contents into the larger garbage bag. You casually work your way down the row filling up the black garbage bag with all the accumulated paper coffee cups, snack wrappers, empty plastic sandwich bags, used tissues, and occasional paper documents that somehow did not make it into the recycling bin. All to the tune of Alan’s quick typing. 

The black garbage bag in your hand is heavy by the time you reach Alan’s cubicle. He pays you no mind and remains hunched over his laptop. You look down at his waste bin. It is full of empty chip bags. You reach down for the bin and dump its contents into your garbage bag. As you set the bin back down on the floor next to Alan’s desk, the typing stops. He leans back in his chair and stares at his computer screen. His hand comes up to cover his mouth as his eyes reread what is on his screen. His hand pulls at his face as it drops away. 

Then, Alan looks at you. 

You set the black garbage bag down. “Long day?” Your English accent is impeccable. 

A short smile crosses Alan’s face before he shakes his head. He looks over at his laptop again before looking back at you. “Can I ask you a question?” 

You shrug. “Sure.” 

“If…” he leans forward in his chair but stops. His mouth hangs open, and his hands lift slightly as if trying to grab the right words out of the air. “If you had the chance to undo all your past mistakes, would you take it?” 

You slide both your hands into the wonderfully deep pockets of your borrowed blue jumpsuit. “I’m afraid I’m not the right audience for that question, Mr…” You look down at the nameplate on Alan’s desk. “Wellman.” 

“No, please,” Alan nearly pleads. “I just need someone else’s opinion.”

You let out a breath as you look around at the empty rows of cubicles. Alan’s question settles in your mind. A chance to undo all your mistakes. That closet of skeletons is more like a pit, and it runs deep. Your gaze returns to Alan. “Well, my time in secondary school was pretty embarrassing so–”

“Not those kinds of mistakes,” Alan interrupts. “I mean big ones. The life changing ones. The mistakes where you…you hurt people.” 

“That’s impossible,” you reply. “You can’t undo hurt. If you hurt someone then you hurt them. It’s done. Nothing you do afterwards erases what you’ve already done.” 

“But what if it is possible?” Alan says. “That possibility exists, but it’s dangerous. Your whole life will change. Everything you’ve ever achieved will be gone. You’ll most likely end up with nothing. But their pain will be gone.” 

It’s definitely not possible. Your mistakes are coated in so much blood that any attempt at washing it away would be pointless. You would end up exhausting yourself over an unattainable goal. But it would be nice if such an opportunity could exist. It was a beautiful theory. So, you nod slightly. “Then I would run towards it and not look back.” 

Alan sits back in his chair and mulls over your answer before nodding to himself. He turns towards his laptop and presses the enter key. His shoulders visibly relax and his smile grows. “There.” He looks back over to you. “Thank you.” 

“You’re welcome,” you reply. 

Alan stands up and turns his back to you to peel his coat from the back of his chair. Your gun is in your hand by the time he turns back around to face you. Your finger squeezes the trigger once. Alan’s brown eyes widen in the bright white flash that comes from the barrel of your gun. The silencer mutes the crack of the gunshot, but the bullet finds its home squarely in Alan’s chest. He falls back into his chair, and the coat hanging around his arm drops to the ground. A bright red stain blossoms across his chest. His mouth opens, but he doesn’t say anything. Only fast, shaky breaths escape. 

You lower your gun and step closer. He’s staring at you with those wide brown eyes. The look he gives you is familiar. First, surprise. It always makes you smile when you see their surprised expressions. It reminds you of surprise parties. The ones you see on television or in movies. But then you see the fear creep in, and it doesn't remind you at all of surprise parties. You tilt your head slightly to the left as you watch Alan. You wonder what he’s thinking about. He’s staring at you, but you can tell that he doesn’t see you. Not anymore. You wonder if he’s envisioning that mythical chance at redemption. 

Then, his shaky breaths stop. He goes still and the fear leaks out of his eyes and leaves nothing but two empty, brown holes in its wake. 

The entire floor is quiet except for the buzzing of the lights overhead. You look away from Alan, and curiosity draws you over to his laptop. Based on Alan’s profession, you expect to see a bunch of weird coding symbols. Instead, you’re staring at his email inbox. A new email had just come through less than a minute ago. You open the email. It’s a response to an email Alan sent only two minutes ago. The message is short:

We will protect you and your family. Stay where you are. We will come to you.

You skim over Alan’s initial long email, but lose interest part way through. Your interest returns to the reply. A spark of excitement ignites within you as a tempting thought crosses your mind. You have no proof to support the exciting thought that sits at the forefront of your mind. You’re operating on a gut feeling, and a whole lot of hope. You hope the bland looking email address is a mask. You hope that this is exactly what you think it is. You dig out one of the burner phones you have on you and tuck it into the breast pocket of Alan’s stained shirt. Then, you leave. 

You don’t bother with the cleaning cart at the end of the row, or with the full garbage bag. You take off the borrowed blue jumpsuit revealing the black long sleeve shirt and dark blue denim jeans you are wearing underneath. You shove the jumpsuit into a trash bin you pass on your way out of the office building. You exit out into the back alley. You grab the backpack you stored beneath a dumpster and make your way around the office building. You cross the street and enter one of the hotels. You end up paying a bit more for a particular room, but you eventually end up in a hotel room with a clear view of the office building across the street. 

When you pull back the curtains, you don’t see anything of interest happening at the office building. You toss your backpack onto the bed and pull up a chair towards the window. You unzip your backpack and pull out a pair of binoculars, another burner phone, and a small bag of potato chips. By the time you turn off the lights in your hotel room, you spot two black SUVs parked out front of the office building. You snatch up your binoculars to first get a better look at the SUVs. Your heart begins to beat faster the moment you make out the dark gray SHIELD logo painted along the side of the car. 

Your gut feeling is right. Alan had been in communication with SHIELD. You lift your head a touch and refocus the binoculars until you have a near perfect view of the floor Alan had been working on. The large glass windows running the length of the building expose everything to you. You could see four men in black suits standing near Alan’s cubicle. You lower the binoculars and settle into the chair. You don’t know if she’ll show. Just because Alan was in contact with SHIELD doesn’t mean he had any connections to her. But you hope she does come. You can feel your hands shaking slightly in anticipation as you open your bag of potato chips. 

You watch the four black suits as you snack on your chips. Your excitement steadily drops as the black suits do little more than make phone calls, take pictures, and survey the scene. After fifteen minutes, most of your interest drops to your snack. You’ve already gone through most of the bag. You do remember passing a vending machine on your way up to your room. You should have some cash on you. 

A third black SUV pulls up in front of the office building. You see a flash of red before you can even pick up your binoculars. You can feel your heart pounding against your chest as you bring the binoculars to your eyes. A smile curls at your lips when you see her. Her red hair hangs freely down past her shoulders. She isn’t wearing her catsuit. Instead you notice a brown leather jacket and black jeans. You aren’t able to catch any other details as she disappears into the office building. 

You lower the binoculars from your face. The smile that blossomed the moment you saw her remains plastered across your face. She’s here. You let out a small laugh and sit back in the chair. You had spent a little over a whole week waiting for her to come find you. Waiting for her to show up on your doorstep. And now she’s right there. So close. You can feel your hands shaking slightly again as you glance at your other burner phone. 

You set your bag of chips aside and run your sweaty palms across your jeans. She’ll be on Alan’s floor any moment. You go over your plan carefully in your head. Last time you didn’t get to savor anything. Too busy with work. But that’s not the case tonight. Your job is done. Clean. Straightforward. Your father will be content and leave you alone. You can’t panic and rush tonight. You take a deep breath. 

When you see the flash of red again, you bring the binoculars back up to your eyes. You watch as she makes her way over to the four black suits. They part to let her see your work. She turns her back to you as she steps closer to Alan. It’s impossible to see her reaction completely from your spot in the hotel room. You bite your lower lip as you wonder what she thinks of your work. It’s definitely a neater job than Amsterdam. But would she think it’s too boring? Devoid of personality? Should you have done more to make it scream your handiwork? 

But then you run the risk of getting messy. Which leads to more father daughter talks. 

Her head turns and you can see her talking to one of the black suits. She gestures to the laptop. The black suit is quick to unplug it and take it away. You sit up straighter when you see her hand move towards Alan’s breast pocket. You pull the binoculars away from your face and quickly reach for your spare burner phone. You flip it open and quickly punch in the number for the phone you left with Alan. Before you hit the green button to make the call, you bring the binoculars back up to your face. She’s standing next to Alan holding the phone.   

Your finger presses down on the green call button and you quickly bring your phone to your ear. You know the moment the other phone starts ringing as her attention drops to the phone in her hand. The other black suits nearby stop what they are doing to look over at her. You wait as the phone continues to ring. You watch her step out of Alan’s cubicle. Your smile begins to falter as the phone still rings. Is she not going to answer it? What are you going to do if she doesn’t answer? You can’t risk going over there. But you also can’t risk letting her–

She flips open the phone and lifts it to her ear. 

“Hello?” 

Your faltering smile recovers instantly at the sound of her voice. “Hi.”

Her head lifts and looks around. “Y/N.”

You like hearing her say your name. It makes you feel all warm and happy inside. “Funny how we keep running into each other.”

“I wouldn’t call it funny,” she says before turning to gesture to one of the black suits. From your angle, you can’t see what the gesture means, but one of the black suits hurries over to another. 

“I think so,” you reply as you watch the black suit return to Nat. He holds something out to her that is so small you can’t see what it is. She takes it. “I don’t see you for years and then all of a sudden you show up twice in two weeks.” Whatever the black suit gave her, you watch as she attaches it to the back of the burner phone. “How are you feeling, by the way? My back was killing me for days after Amsterdam.” 

“Mine too,” she answers. “That wasn’t exactly our finest moment.” 

You laugh and you catch a hint of a smile flash across her face. Then it’s gone and she starts moving towards the large glass windows. 

“Where are you?” she asks.

“London,” you answer with a smirk. 

“Y/N, we need to talk.”

“We are talking.”

“Not like this,” she glances over her shoulder at the black suits now clustered together around something you can’t see. “We need to talk in person.” 

Your smile begins to drop. “Can’t do that.” Oh but you want to. That would be so much fun. “Besides, I can see you just fine.”

You see her pause and your smile returns. She looks out the window and first looks up and then down at the street below. She doesn’t spot you in your little, comfy perch. 

“You’ve done a great job putting yourself on SHIELD’s radar,” she says. 

You drop the binoculars and close your eyes. You groan and tilt your head back. “I don’t want to talk about work.” 

She sighs. “Fine. What do you want to talk about?” 

You open your eyes and stare up at the dark ceiling. “I just wanted to catch up. I was so busy in Amsterdam, but now I have some free time.” You lower your head to look out the window again. Without the binoculars you can still see her but without all the finer details. “But I don’t really know how these conversations are supposed to go. I’ve never…” You pause. You don’t like where that sentence would lead. “I’ve never had a friend come back from the dead before.”

“You thought I was dead?” 

You shrug. “Yes. It was more plausible than a Russian spy.” You pick up the binoculars and look through them again. She is looking over her shoulder towards the cluster of black suits again. “Are they close to tracking our call?”

“Almost.” Her attention returns to the window. Her eyes search the dark buildings across the street. “You can still just tell me where you are. We can meet up. It can be just us.” 

You shake your head. “I don’t think it can be just us, Nat.” You see one of the black suits wave to get Nat’s attention. She turns. “But it’s a nice thought.” 

She starts walking towards the cluster of black suits. “Why not? I thought you said you had some free time.” 

You can’t stop the smile that curls at your lips. The offer is so tempting. It would be so easy to just go to her. She’s right there. But it wouldn’t end like you want. “I missed you, Nat.” 

She stops. You set the binoculars aside and lean back in the chair. You close your eyes and linger in this moment. You wish you could stretch it out for hours. There’s so much to talk about. But your time is up, and the moment you hear her say your name, you end the call. Your fingers wrap around the burner phone and squeeze tightly. She can’t be a distraction. But she’s not. She was your whole world and now you just want pieces of that back. 

You leave the hotel and London with no one chasing after you. The bitter taste of disappointment returns. You need to see her again.