#I understand some arguments for why some people should go up or down levels

[cerealforkart]

Y'all asked for this.

Quick clarification before I go into my thought process under the cut: This list is not "who would make me personally the saddest" because tbh, I don't think any of them would really make me sad. Instead, it is "who I think would be the most impactful to the narrative if they were to die right now" and also exists under the idea that there will somehow only be one parent death. I'm 100% ready to be proven wrong next episode.

Cassandra - I genuinely can't imagine how Freddie would handle Taylor if Cassandra died. The players have said in Teen Talk a couple times that Taylor's incredibly sweet and loving relationship with Cassandra is his big redeeming quality that keeps him from being completely insufferable. And knowing that's how the players feel about their relationship makes me believe that her death isn't something even Freddie would be able to just brush off and move on from. Also, if she died and stayed dead, what would happen to Taylor post-season? Would he move to Hell to live with Nicky? Would he just be alone? Those both feel like bad endings for him (sorry Nicky). He loves his mom so much, she's his favourite person, maybe the only person he really loves

Veronica - Those last reasonings for Cassandra also apply to Veronica. What happens to Scary if her mom is dead? Does Terry somehow need to step up from Hell to look out for her? Veronica ranks below Cassandra because Veronica isn't really a character. She's the parent we've spent the least time with, Beth hasn't really shown any interest in Scary's relationship with her, so the personal impact of her death wouldn't be there, but as the title of the tier says, the implications put her here. If she did die maybe there could be some fun parallels with Terry and post-pyramid Ron, both so scared of having to step up and being the only person their stepkid has left.

Sparrow - I will accept trading Sparrow with Grant and Marco if that's anyone's personal preference, he could go in the "Here's How We Can Still Win..." tier too, but I put him above them for one reason, which is that Link and Grant have reached some understanding and catharsis in their relationship, whereas Normal and Sparrow haven't. So much of Normal's arc has revolved around Sparrow and making him proud, to leave that storyline hanging, to have Normal never have that conversation, however it might go, to cut off their relationship here, with Normal mad and Sparrow disappointed and both of them still caring about each other so much and unable to connect. Ugh. I would have loved it.

Grant & Marco - As stated above, I can see Grant and Marco in the "You Need to Think of the Implications!" tier as well. Marco is higher in this tier than Grant is by virtue of being the better dad (lmao) and also Link hasn't had a conversation with him in so long, I think it would mess him up. But I'm not sure it would hijack Link's arc or ending the same way the characters I ranked above would. On the other hand, Link and Grant's storyline is kind of over. Link can understand him and respect his actions as a person, but as a parent, the standard is different, and he can't accept him, there's a conclusion. And maybe he will change his mind someday, but they've gone through a complete arc, nothing is getting interrupted and dropped into limbo.

Rebecca - Middle tier queen. This is what she would have wanted. This is a lot of the same thoughts I have with Marco, so I'll keep this one short, I think her death will mess Normal up and leave him sadder than he otherwise would have been, but I don't think it sends his character careening in a completely unexpected direction and shattering his ending and catharsis.

Terry - The beat of Terry being dead exists at the end of season whether he's in Hell or has vanished from all planes, it's something that happens one way or another, putting him down here on the list. It's already a part of Scary's arc, and it's something we can already see, she's going to come back from it with the love and support of her friends. I love it for her, I think it's a great part of her story, but it already happened.

Nicky - Given how Freddie plays, I think Taylor would end the season still being Taylor if Nicky were to die. I think it would become Taylor's motivation through the fight, and it would be his new anime protagonist backstory, and then Taylor would go home with his mom and live happily ever after. The season ends, and Taylor ends up in exactly the same place as he started, without a dad.

Lark - Long one because Lark is actually the reason I thought to make this tierlist, because I was running through all the options for who could have died and when I got to Lark, I came to the surprising revelation... at this point in the series, Lark doesn't really matter. The fans would be upset, because the fans love Lark, but none of the PCs really care about Lark. Think about it. In the show, Normal and Lark do not have a relationship, they don't have a dynamic, they don't want or need anything from each other. Will has never engaged in the "Lark might be Normal's real dad" storyline, Normal has always very adamantly insisted he knows who his dad is. Sparrow raised him, Sparrow loved him (as imperfectly as it might have been), Sparrow doomed a world for him, Sparrow is his dad, Normal has shown no interest in a fantasy that it might be Lark instead. Lark was an obstacle pushing against trying to redeem the Doodler, and that ended ages ago, leaving him without any threads to pull on. Lark isn't a character the story or players have shown much interest in for a while and I can't imagine his death shaking the status quo. At least Terry and Nicky do have active relationships with PCs that would be brought to an end by their deaths.

Scary's Bio Dad - Your honour, who cares? Beth's a great player, and would probably make a wonderful meal of his death should it occur, but honestly? No one cares about this man. I couldn't even be bothered to draw him an icon. Fuck 'im.

Seeing everyone upset about the end of the last episode meanwhile I’m ranking all the parents from most to least interesting/impactful if they died

[maxknightley]

i just don't understand how usa trans folks in my circles aren't afraid for their lives re: the election. i get it. biden has been shit, he's been the main contributor to a genocide. harris will likely be no different. i'm in no way thrilled with them or our establishment as a whole. but trump clearly spells a much, much worse reality for trans people in this country. not only does his supporters' platform outline the criminalization of transness, but they'll have full immunity to do it due to the supreme court decision. this isn't a worst case scenario to get people to vote blue, this is the reality of what trump actively wants to do. am i missing something? because i'd love to believe i'm the crazy one in this case

most of what you're describing has been happening on a state-by-state level. the biden administration has done next to nothing to meaningfully push back against it. even if you're going hard in the paint on voting, you would be better off focusing your efforts on state and municipal elections, where something good could at least conceivably happen

"supreme court justice" is a lifetime position. as such, the supreme court is still going to have a republican majority regardless of who gets elected come november. you could make the argument "oh but what if one of the justices dies within the next four years," except that the democratic establishment has repeatedly demonstrated that they have zero interest in actually securing a progressive majority in the judiciary, so I'm not especially convinced it would make a difference. mind you, the whole fucking institution is flagrantly antidemocratic regardless.

kamala harris is actively campaigning on Bipartisanship and Cooperation with the christofascists she's running against. oh sorry I mean the Moderate Anti-Trump Republicans, like dick cheney, who definitely wasn't part of multiple infamously reactionary presidential administrations within living memory. why should I believe for an instant that she'll fight for me?

I might be biased due to living in a blue state, but the fact of the matter is: after four years of Trump, my life was not materially worse. after four years of Biden, my life was not materially better. under such circumstances, how am I supposed to feel anything but nihilism and apathy about the presidential election?

This is definitely a factor of living in a blue state, but it would be a statistical miracle if my vote for president mattered even the slightest bit beyond "maybe the green party will get some government funding and that will have some kind of positive ripple effect"

as someone who remembers the Bush administration I speak from experience when I say the republicans are constantly proposing hideous, inane social policies that end up dying in committee. that's not to say we should let down our guard, only that "if trump is re-elected he will immediately institute a dictatorship and all trans people will be hanged on the spot" is not actually a sure thing by any means.

I am a petty, angry person, and when people try to browbeat me into doing something - especially something that strikes me as pointless - it makes me less likely to do it.

tl;dr it's going to be bad either way; meanwhile, voting for a cheerleader of genocide would disgust me enough on a personal level that I'm willing to get uncharacteristically Kantian about the whole affair.

call me when they return to the obama playbook of "at least pretending they will try to make things better"

[indigodiskmybeloved]

Defending Penny from Pokemon

No, Penny isn't a terrorist who's malicious and some kind of evil genius who is on the same manipulation level of Ghetsis.

This isn't an attack on the person who made the post, it's more of a counter argument. Don't harass others, and be respectful.

"Penny is a terrorist group/started on by making Team Star!!"

Penny first made Team Star as a way to combat the bullies who were well, bullying her. I am a victim of bullying myself, and Penny had more guts to stand up than I ever did.

However, it went too far, with the Team Star captains driving the bullies away. Penny REALIZED she fucked up. She realized that and told the Team Star captains that they need to stop because of how they damaged their reputation. And when that didn't work, Penny asked the MC to take down the bosses so the bullies couldn't leave in fear like she did, and the Team Star captains won't be expelled. Penny KNEW she messed up, and WANTED TO FIX IT.

If Penny was like "Oh the bullies are gone! Yay! Now let's take over the school!" Then I can understand your reaction. But she didn't act like that. She wanted to fix things.

"She really only started Team Star just so she could have a friend group of misfits like her!"

Wow, who would've thought that a group of kids who can relate to the issues of being bullied would join a team to bond together?

Seriously, human connection is a thing. Like, Penny could relate to the other outcasts in school. All of the Team Star captains were bullied, and that was something she could relate to. Like "Oh, you've been bullied! Same here!"

It wasn't just "GRRR WHY IS NO ONE MY FRIEND I AM GOING TO BECOME A TERRORIST AND MAKE THESE PEOPLE MY FRIENDS" because that's what Penny is like apparently.

Context clues and media literacy is important.

"Penny is a criminal because she hacked into the League and Deservers jail time!"

Okay, out of all the takes, this is one that I can agree on.

I do agree that Penny deserves SOME kind of pushback for hacking into the League Point system and stealing from them. However, she is still a child, albeit teenager, and should at least get something inbetween of slap on the wrist and jail time.

There are options between nothing and going nuclear. Chill.

Though, on that topic, Penny isn't gonna be like "LET'S HACK INTO THE GOVERNMENT FOR FUNSIES" because she knows that's a bad idea. The only reason she hacked into the League Point system was to give the MC LP for taking down Team Star bosses. She wasn't doing it out of malicious intent.

And she even STATED that she herself should get more of an extreme punishment. This is more a fault of the game for letting her get away rather than Penny herself saying she should get away with this.

In short, you're allowed to hate a character. But exaggerating what they did without showing the context of it all, it just makes you look bad.

If you find the original post, please don't harass them. That isn't okay.

[historicity-was-already-taken]

Short question: Do you have any tips for turning "If you knew anything about the Holocaust, you'd know why we need Israel" from a conversation ender into a conversation starter? Longer context: I find it important, as a Jewish anarchist and anti-Zionist, to try my best to have hard conversations about safety and perceptions thereof with irl Jewish family, friends, and acquaintances. My politics make me an outlier in these spaces, as does my status as a convert, which I choose to be quite open about. I cannot begin to estimate how many people self-righteously cut short these conversations with "If you knew ANYTHING about [the Holocaust/antisemitism/generational trauma] you'd UNDERSTAND why we REALLY NEED [medinat yisrael/any jewish ethnostate/colonial zionism]". I'm under no illusion that I'm a scholar on the history of antisemitism or Jewish living patterns or the Levant or anything. I've taken one college-level course on Nazi Germany policy and beaucratic shit, but it intentionally dealt minimally with the pointy end of the death machine. I've taken two year-long Judaism 101 style classes, which of course dealt with the history of the Jewish people. I read relevant nonfiction, both books and essays. I also understand that being a convert gives me a very different personal history with the intergenerational trauma, and I want to be super respect of that. So overall I consider myself reasonably well informed, but I obviously can't respond to them with the "I know more than you" card. (Not that that would be a good way to handle it, but still.) I want to talk to people, who use this specific argumentative tactic, about what it means that our very legitimate traumas as a people led us to the point of producing our own little ethnostate (with a number of very paternalistic inputs from European nations of course). About how the shoah shaped modern zionism. About the biblical Joshua vs the archaeological evidence of that time period and what it means for our national/societal identities. About the haftarah in which israel demands a king and whether being just like the other nations has ever been lastingly good for literally anyone. But unanimously, people look at me like I'm the fool for going "yeah actually let's talk about history and fear and trauma and cultural legacies and (re)interpretation" instead of like. Applauding their sick burn about how clearly naïve I am. Do you, a Real Actual Holocaust Scholar, have a way to turn that "obviously you know nothing" accusation into a productive conversation? If so can you please share because I am losing my mind over here.

NOTE TO READERS: I'm going to speak frankly about stuff that goes down in the American Jewish community, as a lifelong and active MEMBER of that community. This is not fodder for any of your anti-Semitic bullshit and I'm deeply uninterested in Gentile Thoughts on what I'm about to write. You do not have my consent to weaponize anything you read here against Jews you encounter here, or elsewhere, regardless of their politics.

Oof ok. I have some answers, but you may not like them. First, politics within the Jewish community. I love that you're a convert and I respect your dedication and hard work; I'm sure you know much more about the Jewish faith than I do. However, as you know, Judaism is both a religion and an ethnic group/identity. And there are a lot of religious and secular Jews who chafe at the feeling of being told how they should and should not feel about Israel by a convert who does not share our heritage and experience of intergenerational trauma. Especially if they're over 60.

I also want to tell you that when members of our community, particularly individuals over 60 years of age, have their minds made up about Israel, Zionism, etc, they're not interested in valid historical takes from experts. Their minds are made up and they reject any information counter to their stance, and attack the person providing them with the info. I've been personally attacked here and elsewhere by our people for bringing up historical and archaeological issues which run counter to their arguments. I've had my intellect and education and abilities mocked, while I'm out here voluntarily traumatizing myself through my dedication to the study of Holocaust history.

Another issue, is that Jewish history is deeply interwoven in our observance, faith, and heritage. This gives individuals involved at various levels with the Jewish community the idea that they Know Jewish History. They don't. They know a version of the Jewish past specifically constructed by and within our communal spaces; see Zakhor by Hayim Yerushalmi. And a lot of them, especially if they're a man over 50 and you're a woman who reads as young, get real nasty if you assert vaster and more accurate knowledge. It's kind of similar to how people in our communities think that they Know Holocaust History because they read Night and Grandma was a survivor. But those things don't mean that they know Holocaust history--it means they've engaged with two first-hand accounts.

I'm going to advise you to stop trying with these people. I know that's not the answer you want, and I'm really sorry about that. But, the types of people you're engaging with are so deeply traumatized and set in their own defensive views, that they would never listen to me, a Jewish granddaughter of Holocaust refugees and academically trained Holocaust historian. And if they won't listen to me, they sure as hell won't listen to someone they view as an outsider to the Jewish historical experience.

You'd be better off engaging members of your community who are still learning and figuring everything out, discussing your views as equals who are learning from one another, and putting your energies towards Jewish organizations who do not need convincing of your perspective.

ETA: this is something that will only likely change over the course of generations. the traumas of the holocaust are still fresh and living in the minds of survivors, their Baby Boomer children, and their millennial grandchildren; and I'm saying that as one of those millennial grandchildren. The trauma-induced view that Israel is our shield against the Holocaust ever happening again will not change because of anything you or I might say. It will only begin to fade into new paradigms of thought when we are many more years removed from living memory of those events.

[thewistlingbadger]

I've seen people make the argument that if you like/support Ellie Williams or Abby Anderson from The Last of Us Part Two, then you should be fine with Caitlyn Kiramman's actions in Arcane season two and I'm gonna break down why I disagree with this.

It's true that both TLOU 2 and S2 arcane are revenge stories and have similar story beats. Caitlyn Kiramman is a cop who comes from a privileged family and she ends up losing her mom, Cassandra Kiramman, in a terrorist attack against her city. The terrorist responsible for the attack is Jinx, the sister of Caitlyn's romantic interest. In the first season it's clear she has a good heart that ends up being corrupted by revenge in the second season. Caitlyn becomes so blinded by her hatred for Jinx she ends up pushing away those closest to her and she comes heinous, discriminatory crimes against the lower class.

Ellie Williams starts off TLOU series as a little girl who's sarcastic and lonely and also immune to a deadly zombie virus. She forms a father/daughter like relationship with a man named Joel Miller, the man tasked with ensuring Ellie makes it to a hospital on the other side of the country in order for a cure to be made for the virus. Ellie ends up living with Joel in a safe haven after they make it to the hospital, because according to Joel while Ellie was unconscious in the hospital, it was revealed that Ellie wasn't the only person who was immune and they didn't need her to make a cure. As Ellie gets older, she uncovers the truth: Making a cure from Ellie would have killed her and so Joel not only stopped the cure from being made, but he also killed everyone in the hospital. This causes a heavy strain on their relationship and Joel ends up being murdered right in front of Ellie before she ever got the opportunity to make amends with Joel. This makes Ellie go on a quest to kill Joel's murderer and in the process she ends up killing countless people and she loses everything to her lust for vengeance.

Ellie and Caitlyn have a few similarities but the similarity that's most important for the sake of this post is the fact that they lose a parent and end up losing their morals on their path to vengeance. For me personally, there're two reasons why I hold Caitlyn and Ellie on different levels.

1. Relationship

Both of the last of us games focus on the relationship between Joel and Ellie. In the first game alone you spend hours upon hours with the two characters. You're there for their ups and downs and you watch them go from strangers to people who genuinely care for each other. You can only really care about a relationship if you spend time with them, and in arcane, we spend no time with Caitlyn and Cassandra. We understand that their relationship is a bit strained because they have different perspectives on life, but this is the only thing we can really say about their relationship. The closest we get to them having some kind of positive moment is when Cassandra makes sure Caitlyn and Vi get an audience with the council and when Cassandra gives Caitlyn a nod to go after Vi after she leaves. This is all we have for this relationship. So realistically, outside of the fact that Cassandra is Caitlyn's mom, why should I care that Cassandra is dead? Like I said, we don't see anything substantial from their relationship. Not in flashbacks or during Cassandra's life or after her death. We never even see Caitlyn really grieve the loss of her mother. She never sheds a single tear for her. She talks about how her mom's death has left a hole in her and she talks about how it feels impossible to live up to her mom's legacy, but this doesn't really tell us anything about Caitlyn actually FEELS about her mom or her death. We never even see Caitlyn feel any kind of way to the fact that her relationship with her mom ended while they weren't on good terms. When Joel goes in TLOU 2, we see exactly how it impacts Ellie. We see her mourn his death and we see her frustration in losing him and how she struggles with remembering him exactly. We see how she's tortured by the fact they left things on bad terms and also by the fact that Joel maintained a lie for years. We understand exactly why she's doing what she's doing, even as she pushes to newer extremes. We don't have this for Caitlyn. For Caitlyn, it seems at the start that she's doing it for her mom and that makes sense, but then we see Caitlyn take on a much bigger role in society and it just seems odd and unnatural. It doesn't feel like it's about her mom anymore.

2. Damage

Ellie gets consumed by vengeance. She loses her friends, her girlfriend, her personality, everything. And she keeps going too, she keeps hurting her enemies and her allies. Ellie has killed so many people on all sides it's genuinely gross. But not as gross as what Caitlyn does. Caitlyn doesn't kill anyone in her mother's name that we know of, but Caitlyn uses her grief to oppress the lower class of the nation of zaun. She gasses the city which leaves its citizens sick and afraid. She sets up borders and checkpoints in the city and treats innocents like they're criminals. Caitlyn's heartbreak over her mom's death is used to discriminate against others and Ellie's grief is NOT used to do that at all. For Ellie, anyone who stands in her way for vengeance is against her but Caitlyn villainizes the entirety of the undercity.

I've also seen people compare Caitlyn to Abby Anderson, who in TLOU kills Joel in front of Ellie because years ago, Joel killed Abby's father. Although we don't see much of the relationship between Abby's dad and Abby, we can understand the severity of his loss because we see how it impacts Abby and we know his death was undeserved. Abby's dad was a good man and a doctor. He helped people and cared for those in his community. The only reason he was killed was because Joel shot him in order to save Ellie. Abby doesn't witness her dad's death firsthand like how Ellie does, but she does walk in on her dad's dead body, and we see her anguish at the sight. Cassandra Kiramman was not innocent. She was a member of Piltover's council, the political body responsible for the oppression of the lower class. We know she had prejudice against those from the undercity. This is another reason why I lack sympathy for Cassandra and her relationship with Caitlyn but have it for Abby and her dad. TLOU 2 shows us how the death of her father still haunts her years after its occurrence, and it also shows us how even after she got her revenge, she still felt the emptiness his death left her with. Again, Arcane really doesn't explore how Cassandra's death truly impacts Caitlyn.

[thekingofwinterblog]

The Problem With Yasopp

So like many people I was genuinely surprised by Netflix One Piece, adaption, which turned out the exact opposite of pretty much every single travesty that america has made when adapting Manga and Anime.

It certainly was not without flaws, for one thing it needed to be at least 3-5 episodes longer in order to fix it's pacing issues if it wanted to get all of East Blue into one season, and the fight scenes while very well choreographed, didn't exactly sell me on the superhuman strength of most of these characters.

However, there was one thing that genuinely pissed me off, in large part because the american adapters changed something they didn't like, in order to fit "western sensibilites" and in doing so, completely missing the point, and frankly tragedy of the original context.

That of course, is the character of Usopp's relationship with his parents Yasopp and Banchina, and the rather sad tale of plans going completely arry due to twists of fate.

In the west, the character of Yasopp has been a rather contentious one, for several reasons, but also one that has been a bit altered by the changes from Japanese to English.

Yasopp is critiqued heavily by people who don't like him for abandoning his kid, and his wife to seek adventure on the high seas. Now this is not untrue, but there is a bit of context here that's a bit lost in translation.

And you can really tell that, because the way Netflix portrays Yasopp leaving is the surface level one you might get if you just read Syrup Village arc, and you don't pay any attention at all to the timeline given.

In the neflix series, it's explicitly said that Yasopp left Usopp and his mother while Usopp was still a baby. That is such a common reading, that it's actually what the One Piece Wiki claims happened(Another example of why you should always be critical of Wiki's).

The actual Manga tells a different story.

Yasopp left Syrup village right before Banchina unexpedetly got sick with the disease that ultimatly killed her.

When Usopp is so touchy against Kuro about him badmouting his father, it's not in the context of him idolizing some father he never met, because Usopp and Yasopp knew and loved each other dearly. Usopp's wish to see his dad again isn't some wish to meet the father he only knows through stories, but to reconnect with the dad he loved so much growing up and was sad when he left.

And then of course there is the glory of mistraslation. If you've read this part of the manga, you might rightly be wondering, what sort of woman would be proud of the man who abandoned her to take care of their kid while he sought adventure.

The answer, which the english translation does not give, is a woman who was the one to convince him to go out on that journey in the first place.

Because that is what happened in the orignal manga. It was Banchina, for reasons we don't fully understand or have the context for, eho convinced her husband to go out and seek his dreams.

That's the reason why she is so certain Yasopp will NOT be coming home, but why she is also not bitter about it. She was the one who encouraged Yasopp to go out to sea, while she stayed home and took care of their kid, until he grew old enough to care for himself, and seek the seas himself if he wished.

The story of Yasopp, Usopp and his wife is a genuine tragedy, but not because Yasopp abandoned Usopp before he ever got to know him, but because Usopp's parents made plans for the future, that while not perfect by any stretch, seemed workable enough... only for the entire thing to come crumbling down after Yasopp left due to something as mundane as a random disease.

One can certainly make an argument that this was NOT the best course of action for Yasopp and Banchina to take, but it's not the complete deadbeat dad who abandons his baby trope that the Netflix series portrays it as.

Further hammering in that this was a bit more complicated than that, Yasopp seems to have been one of the very first crew members Shanks tried to recruit, having sought him out not long after Roger died... And Yasopp seems to have flat out rejected him, as he stayed with Banchina for years and years afterwards.

It adds a lot of context to the idea that Banchina was the one who ultimately convinced Yasopp to go out and chase his dreams while she took care of the kid... Because it took years and years for it to ultimately conclude at this course of action. Yasopp would continue to reject Shanks offer to join him for years to instead to take care of his wife and kid, until about a year before Shanks met Luffy, when his wife told him to go.

It's a hell of a lot more nuanced and interesting than what Netflix did, that's for damn sure.

[random-blurbs]

I Need Your Help - Chapter 2

Masterlist

“They let you carry a gun?” Continuing to write down the info you can remember on your notepad you barely spared a glance at Reid. “Yeah technically I can. But you guys have to just keep an extra eye on me.” You replied nonchalantly not missing his look of confusion as he stared at your gun and then at you.

“Don’t worry I’m not really planning on shooting you guys.”

“That’s very reassuring.” He plainly said as he pulled out a seat right next to you. Rolling your eyes you focused back on the papers in front of you trying to find that missing piece. It feels like you guys are so close to finishing the puzzle but something is holding you back. “Is there something puzzling you?” He saw the picking at your lips and the excessive tapping of your pen.

He looked up and saw his team in another room and looked back at you again. He didn’t realize how obvious he was as you quirked an eyebrow at him knowing why he was next to you.

“You don’t have to hang around me. I’m a big girl I can handle arguments.” You said coldly as you both started to remember what happened a few moments ago.

Another murder had just occurred as everything pointed otherwise that it was female assailant. Everyone let out some audible noise as they walked into the room. It was the worst one yet. Her body has been mangled with no recognition of who it can be. Her hair was shaved in an angrily quick way. It was purposely trying to make her look bad. And with letting the coroner go over his general assessment it made everything you were pushing for go up in flames.

“I’m going to need some more time to confirm it 100%, but generally speaking it does look like she was sexually assaulted.” All heads turned to you as if it’s a big told you so. Weird considering there’s a dead body in front of you guys.

“So much for your ‘special technique’.” Morgan spoke with some spite believing you wasted all their time on this theory. He saw you push and push with his team that it must be a case of jealousy. But he believed it to be the other direction refusing to believe that a woman would do this damage. He knows they’re capable of killing he’s not denying that but this level? It’s unheard of and if it’s done it’s usually towards their target.

“I know I’m not wrong.” You stood firm with your answer as you know deep inside of you, that you’re right. You’ve never been wrong. It’s not about ego. It never will be. “You got your answer right here. It ain’t a woman. Why are you so firm on this!” Scoffing you stare right back at him.

“Why are you so firm on it being a man! I’m telling you it’s a woman atleast have an open mind to this!” You answer louder not understanding why men feel like if they’re louder they’ll win the conversation. You hate that more than anything. And your quick acting annoyance is latching onto Morgan.

“Me having an open mind was me entertaining the idea by helping you look for clues. I’m done doing that, we probably could’ve found him by now and we wouldn’t be standing here!” Everyone was stunned at the underlying message Derek was trying to send. Spencer hating any type of arguments occurring infront of him he tried making Derek back away to let it go. “Yeah we should all just take a breather.” Who you learned as Prentiss chimed in giving you a look of sympathy.

“Excuse me? You think it’s my fault she’s murdered?” You ask genuinely stunned by his words. Shaking your head you waved them off stomping out of the house angrily in disbelief he was pinning that on you. “Forget it.” As some people were speaking to Derek only one ran out the house to you.

“Y/N! Wait up!” Turning around you put your hand out not wanting to entertain anyone’s thoughts. “I’m sorry Spencer but not right now. I just can’t.” He wanted to comfort you immediately as he saw the flash of hurt passed through your face as soon as everyone heard Derek’s words. It was hurt he didn’t know he would ever see on you. But just as quick as he saw the look it went away replaced with anger.

“If…if you need anything let me know.” Not wanting to push you anymore probably guessing you just wanted to be alone. He left those words as a lifeline if you ever needed it. Not saying anything more you got into your car not wanting to linger in those high tensions anymore.

-

“He didn’t mean those words…” Spencer tried defending Morgan’s words considering the whole team is in high tension since they haven’t been making headway. “You don’t need to apologize for him Reid. If that’s how he feels then leave it at that.” Ending the conversation you continued going over the reports trying to see if you missed anything.

It felt wrong to leave it at that. Especially when he didn’t say what he wanted. He couldn’t do that to you. “I’m more so apologizing for not having your back. It must be hard to work with an established team already. Especially one like ours.” He was aware of how close his team is to one another. That’s what makes them the team they are. But he’s also aware to any outsider it can be hard to go against the common idea that they have. But he wants to make sure that you know someone is hearing you out. Someone is helping you be heard and you’re not speaking to the void.

He knows that you are perfectly capable of holding your own. But he knows it must be nice to know someone does have your back. And he wanted to be that for you.

“I actually appreciate that. Maybe it was worth buying you that croissant.” You joked as you started to recognize a name that keeps on popping up in the papers you’re reading splayed out on the desk. “I still do want to pay you back.” Spencer whined not feeling ok letting you pay for his pastry when you were feeling bad.

“You can buy me one when we finish this case.” Getting up you tidied the papers as you put on your jacket catching Spencer’s attention. “Did you find something?”

“Just going to talk to someone who I think might give me a clue on something.” You respond making sure everything is secured on you. “Do you want me to go with you, just as backup?” Giving him a thankful look you shake your head.

“It’s alright you should stay with your team and look into your theory and I look into mine.” You reassured him as you walked towards the elevator him following right behind you.

A common thing that the team is seeing.

“Well just be safe and let us know if we can help in any way.” Thankful for his words you gave him a quick wave as the elevator doors closed infront of you.

Unsure if he really should’ve left you to go alone, he trusted that you knew what you were doing. But he can’t help but worry. He doesn’t want anyone to get hurt. That’s what he’s trying to convince himself with at-least.

Walking back to the room where his team was gathered up in he overheard just slight mumbling of what they could’ve possibly missed. “Sooo you and Y/N?” He couldn’t hide his embarrassment at the obvious accusation from JJ. “N-no it’s nothing. I’m just curious about her mind thing.” Casting him a dubious look she faked understanding as she nodded her head. “No yeah totally. ‘Her mind thing’.” She chuckled as she walked over to Emily probably sharing her thoughts.

But he swears to himself it is just a curious thing. Wanting to know how you are associated with Gideon and why he continued to work with you. That’s all it is.

Even though he wouldn’t mind if you guys did become friends down the road.

-

Pulling up to the front of her steps you quickly noticed the front door ajar. Unholstering your gun with your other hand you dialed a number into your phone. “I need backup at Lorrie Rain’s-!” Hearing a crash in the house with a yell of anger echoing out you quickly entered with your gun raised. Your heart felt like it was beating out of your chest.

You know you should wait but what if someone is dying and you stood out there like an idiot. You couldn’t forgive yourself. You just wouldn’t.

Checking each room swiftly and quietly you started to approach the room with now slight rustling inside. Trying to calm your shaking hand you quietly pushed the door seeing a figure on the bed. Eyes darting between the beaten woman in the bed and another right above her with a glass shard in her hand. You couldn’t see her face but you knew you caught her. She was your killer.

“Put your hands up!” The killer spun around keeping the glass shard to the girls throat. Her eyes trained on you as you see her panicking not expecting anyone to be here. “G-get out! I swear I’ll slit her throat!” She yelled out panicked. Looking between you and a window.

“Don’t do this Stacy.”

“How do you know my name?!”

“I need you to put the weapon down, do it and we can talk all about you. Isn’t that what you want?” You see her hand falter as the idea of anything being solely about her was her drive.

“Really?”

“Yes I promise you that’s all I want to do. But we can’t do that in this position.”

She wanted to be seen, she wanted to be acknowledged, and you knew it.

You were her at every crime scene. You knew her.

Too well in fact.

So when her clouded eyes became clear as she realized truly the dire situation she was in. You knew what you had to do just as quickly as you saw her drag the glass across the girls throat. Your heart overpowered all noise as you let out the shots needed to take her down. You saw her stumble and fall into the corner of the room. Shocked that death is right outside her door.

With panicked hands you pressed your hand on the victims neck against the wound. Your hand bloodying up almost immediately as it started to slip. You stared at Stacy’s eyes who were wide staring back. “Y…you are something else.” She mumbled out as she grinned.

Confused by her words you felt conflicted as you look at the girls blank face below you. She was following right after Stacy’s steps. “C’mon Lorrie stay with me please!”

Her face was disfigured no longer looking like the girl you saw on the report. But she is alive she can recover. The thought not really aiding you as she gurgled on her blood. “It’s ok I’m with you.” Your tone was still pleading as she looked like she was slipping away from you.

You couldn’t help her. The helpless feeling that plagues you day to day continues. “No no no!” You can’t prove him right. You can’t be the reason she dies. “Y/N!”

You felt movement around you but your eyes were trained on her. The panic you can barely make out on her face is leaving. You felt it.

You felt her die.

You were pulled back stumbling away from the bed as you saw the medics get to her. You saw their mouth move and start to work on her body. But she was gone you felt it.

You let her die.

Looking down at your shaking hands you saw another pair of hands envelope yours making you look up. The pair of brown eyes you’ve grown curious of. The man who’s always lingering around you, spitting some random fact. Wanting to know more about you everyday.

“Y/N?” He could try ignoring that his hand was covered in blood but it was difficult. But he saw your expression and he wanted to take it away. The fear, the pain, and everything you’re feeling was etched onto your face. But you weren’t there with him, he’s seen it before you’re in your head. Your billions of thoughts that are whirring through your head was keeping you away from him. Away from the world.

He needed you to know that he was here to help you. To help pull you back.

“Y/N? Here let’s go out here.” You were still willing to move which was a good sign. He helped guide you slowly out the house catching the looks on his teammates faces. Just giving them a curt shake of the head prevented them from coming up and asking you any questions.

You wouldn’t stop shaking even when he had let you sit on the open passengers side. He tried looking for anything to wipe yourself with finding a random rag in the glove box. He knows it won’t be much but he passed it to you hoping you can try wiping off the feeling.

You were slowly coming back as you immediately tried wiping it off. You both knew you wouldn’t do that great of a job. But it was something. And you needed something.

It was quiet between you two as you heard the sirens surround the area. “I couldn’t hear those before.” You mumbled out trying to get the blood off from between your fingers.

“When you’re in a high-tension situation a lot of senses tend to go away while others heighten.” He explained seeing that it obviously happened to you. Nodding along with his words you continue working on your hands soon enough the bloodied cloth couldn’t hold anymore.

“I’ve never shot someone.” You confessed as you finally looked at him in the eyes. You can see the flash of shock which he quickly hid. “I don’t know why people think I have. But she’s my first one… I don’t know how to feel.”

“It’s confusing for everyone. I remember when I shot someone I didn’t feel anything at that moment. And then those feeling changed.” He tried explaining not feeling like the best person for this. His own feelings are so confusing with his mind. He can only imagine yours.

“I feel guilty.” You finally say as tears fell slowly from your eyes. “I-I don’t know how to explain it. I just wish I didn’t shoot her.” You explain not liking the feeling that’s growing in your chest as her eyes appeared whenever you closed yours.

“And that’s ok Y/N. You’ll understand what you’re feeling and why you’re feeling it with enough time.” His words having little comfort you gripped on the rag tighter, not knowing if you can let tonight go.

“Can I drive you back to the station? You can clean up and it gives you time until you report what happened to Hotch.” Looking up you see his team side by side one another talking seeming confused by it all.

“Do you really think I can go do that real quick?” He seemed on the fence as he glanced between the two. Not wanting to break some type of protocol. But with one more glance at your shaking hands and teary eyes it didn’t matter any more.

“It’s fine. I’ll take care of it.” Motioning you to put your legs in he carefully closed the door sparing just one last glance at his team. Solidifying that maybe his heart does want something more and it’s not simple curiosity anymore.

TAGLIST

@maisyyyyyy

@britbratface

[the-king-andthe-lionheart]

So I can't hold my tongue anymore...

It's funny, I decided to go into the ASOIAF tag yesterday for the first time in months and what do I find? Several posts about how "Bastards shouldn't inherit" or that "Bastards are EViL". If that is the brunt of your fucking argument then you all need to sit down and re-evaluate why your main argument relies on blood purity rhetoric and classism, and yes, often misogyny. "But...but...but..." you all must be saying "that's just how it was back then/in the books" and I have to answer with, "have you even read the books?" You know the books where almost all of the main protagonists and main characters are misfits and outcasts in some capacity? The books where GRRM is trying to dismantle the harmful prejudices put on people due to them being illegitimate, disabled, mentally ill, or women? The books where GRRM made it perfectly clear that the Dance only happened solely because Rhaenyra was a woman and nothing else and how that was clearly wrong? But how can I not be surprised considering the majority of you have never read the books or just misinterpreted them to fit your own prejudices. This fandom is truly toxic and supremely alienating and you all should be ashamed of yourselves for falling into this "Bastards are evil" bullshit. Do I have to remind you all that the main male protagonist in the books is a dark haired Targaryen bastard and many of you all root for him to become king, all the while simultaneously bad mouthing Rhaenyra's children, saying they shouldn't inherit, and laughing when they die? Talk about hypocritical. Anyway, if you are someone who is spouting vitriol against bastardry, touch some fucking grass, and re-evaluate why you are so passionately hateful against people being illegitimate. I mean, considering the sheer level of your online hatred for these characters it must surely be rooted into real life hatred of illegitimate people. And for anyone else reading this who actually understands the source material, I apologize for taking up your time and this isn't aimed at you.

Anyway, HOTD was a fucking mistake because it brought in a bunch of misogynistic, blood purists. Funny, because a lot of you are anti-Targaryen and condemn the Targaryen's for being "blood purists". I feel as if the pot is calling the kettle black.

[lovemyromance]

Stop Kicking Elain out of the NC

She doesn't want to go. She doesn't want to leave her family. The cauldron turning her into high fae was unfortunate, but in typical Elain fashion (my favorite quality of hers) she made the best of a terrible situation and adapted to her new home, her new body, her new life. She has friends. She glows with health. She is mending the relationship with her sisters. The male she loves is there.

Why would she want to leave?

And if anyone brings up the fact that Cassian said she couldn't pull off a black dress - I swear to god I'll be convinced you've never read a book before. Cassian, the Miranda Priestley of Velaris, declaring Elain doesn't look good in black does not mean she is being rejected by the Night Court.

Do people not read? Did you not read how Nesta had to stand out to be Eris-bait, and if Elain, gorgeous, sweet, with beauty-that-could-bring-a-king-to-his-knees Elain was done up like the rest of them, the chances of Eris following after Nesta would have been slim? They had to make her look muted, to purposefully fade her into the background. That is ALL.

Now let's get into the even worse arguments for booting Elain out of the NC. Specifically,

She belongs in Spring (with Lucien)

She belongs in Day (with Lucien)

She belongs in Autumn (with Lucien)

Do you see what all those have in common (other than being surface level awful arguments)? They all center around Lucien. Who currently, Elain avoids like the plague. But I'm getting ahead of myself, lets go one by one, slow and steady:

Elain does NOT belong in spring

Why is this a thing, even? Because she likes flowers and Feyre said "oh elain would like it here?" That's it? Are we reducing people down to their hobbies now? Nesta likes books, should she also move to Day? Mor likes...wine I guess, should she move into a tavern? Amren likes puzzles, ship her to Dawn? Azriel likes Elain, let's put him in the Prison??

Or, oh wait, Tamlin should lose his court and Elain and Lucien will rule? How. Genuinely, how? Lucien is already an heir to Day Court & Autumn Court. How would the magic pick him of all people if Tamlin somehow dies/gives up his court? Wouldn't it pick someone...of Spring Court descent?

P.S Flowers also grow in the Night Court.

Make it make sense.

2. Elain does NOT belong in Day

First of all, right now, nobody knows about Lucien's parentage except for Feyre/Rhys and LoA (maybe). Helion doesn't know. Lucien himself does not know.

For Lucien to become high lord of Day, y'all realize Helion would have to die, right? Why would you ever kill off such an icon? And even if he just casually lives there while Helion still rules...a lot of things would have to happen for this to occur, like: Lucien's parentage is revealed, Helion accepts him as his heir, likely a blood duel between Beron/Helion over LoA, If Beron wins THEN Lucien becomes HL of Day, but if Helion wins then Eris becomes HL of Autumn...all of this would have to be covered in one book before they can even think about moving to Day and living happily ever after. You know, if Elain ever actually gives him the time of...day.

Don't even give me the "but Elain needs sunlight"!!

P.S. The NC also gets sunlight

Elain is not a plant. She does not undergo photosynthesis and need to go to the Day Court to physically be alive. Elain does not need light she IS the light. What's not clicking folks? Her name literally means LIGHT. Some variations say fawn/deer, but mainly she is light.

3. Elain does NOT belong in Autumn

This argument is more rare, but I don't understand it either. Why would she go live in Autumn as the reluctant mate to the 7th son of the awful Autumn HL? Autumn court cannot be this interesting to y'all, that you would be totally okay with not hearing from feyre/rhys/nesta/cassian/any of the IC, just to read a story about Elain avoiding Lucien in different climate/setting? Autumn exists in the NC too, you guys. She can ignore him when the leaves change color there, just as much.

And all of this, is only centered around Lucien. Because if you just asked this sweet flower child what she wanted, I can guarantee you, her answer would be to stay right where she is: home.

If she weren't mated to Lucien, would you still be sending her away to Spring/Day/Autumn?

This isn't even a ship thing at this point, like...Lucien doesn't currently have a home right now? Why are we tearing Elain away from her home to go live with a mate she does not want? If Elucien ever did get together, it would make so much more sense for Lucien to just move to the NC instead. Because Elain sure as hell is not going to live in her ex-fiance's manor, far away from her sisters, with a mate she didn't ask for and his rude bestie who literally made a r*pe joke about her (yeah, not understanding the Jurian & Lucien friendship here either).

Stop kicking my girlie out of the night court. She's staying where she belongs. If she leaves, it will be her choice. Not because her mate lives somewhere else. Not because she likes flowers. If she stays, it will be because that is her choice.

I thought it was obvious.

[simplydnp]

you majored in straight up math??? God that's so fuckin cool of you!!

yeah! i've always loved math, so even though i registered late for uni, i knew it would be for math--i just wasn't sure what to do with it. ended up in math-ed. but, unlike some places, i did a double degree, so i have my full mathematics degree & my full education degree

the math degree was so cool. i've really considered going back for my masters since i loved it so much. there's something about pure math that just,,, makes sense to me. proofs are sometimes a pain in the ass, but there's really nothing like staring at one for hours and then it suddenly Clicks and you're off to the races. it's all built on logic--everything that happens makes sense and has a flow.

i also really enjoy the language aspect of it--which a lot of people find couter-intuitive. math should be numbers! but when you do high level math, there's not a lot of numbers involved usually 😂 it's all logic and arguments and specific wording and sentence structure. i love that shit. there's a specific and intentional way to communicate. there's words you use for getting from one idea to the next.

there's a really great video that breaks down how math and language is connected and, in particular, if you're good at 'traditional' math, you might not want a math degree.

here's a transcript:

if you want to go to school for mathematics and this is what you think it'll look like [gestures to background full of equations, trigonometry, and formulas] i suggest you do something else. the joke in the math community is that after sophmore year, you don't see a number over like, 10 again. this is because you learn math as a language. it's like the difference between studying Spanish and studying linguistics. you can study Spanish, but that doesn't mean you'll understand language as a whole. while linguistics studies syntax and semantics because it's the structure of language as a whole that they study. so in this example, if you want to just study spanish, be an engineer. if you decide to take this [math] route, you have two options: pure or applied mathematics. so applied wants to study linguistics as a whole, so they can become a Spanish translator--and maybe pick up Portuguese along the way. while pure mathematics wants to study linguistics so they can make up their own language. it sounds strange but the best mathematicians are often very good with languages too. if you're interested in learning why they have so much in common, then mathematics is for you.

[end ID]

it's like problem solving to the nth degree. a silly example is something like 'what's 1 + 1?' hopefully you know the answer is 2. but in pure math, they'll ask you why 1+1 is 2. and it takes you down this path of laying the foundations for the building blocks of traditional math. (now, that's advanced linear algebra which, frankly, i really disliked, but it's an easy example)

calculus & number theory were actually my 2 favourite 'subjects' in the mathematics we did (which, is very funny bc calculus has the least proofs and you take 4 years of it, vs 1 entirely proofs based course). i was lucky to have really great profs for most of my courses as well

[scarabsinthestardust]

Tender // Ch. 4

MASTERLIST

word count: 2200+

CHAPTER WARNINGS: language; mentions of drinking/alcoholism; arguing/one-sided arguments; depression; anxiety; unspecified undiagnosed mental illness; tiny little spoiler for Better in the Morning, but nothing that will be a shock to readers that are caught up on it

The trouble with things going smoothly is that one tends to get complacent. They get comfortable and let their guard down. They make mistakes and people suffer for it, mostly the ones they never wanted to hurt in the first place.

Josh and I have been going strong for the last six months. We’ve not so much as bickered since the first argument. He’s somehow convinced me, on some uncertain level, that maybe I do deserve this happiness. The fear is still there, of course, but Josh has found a way to quell it, and suddenly I don’t feel like I’m drowning. He’s my spark, my ever-burning flame, and I think maybe I might be able to keep it from going out.

I never wanted kids, and that hasn’t changed, but watching Josh light up around them only increases my love for him. It’s no different with his new niece. He’s been fawning over Kya and Jake’s baby nonstop since she was born and has made it his life’s mission to ensure he’s the ‘favorite uncle.’ He talks about her constantly, and I’m surprisingly not put off by his incessant chattering these days. But I suppose all good things must come to an end.

We’re in his kitchen, cleaning up after dinner. Although I still have my own place, I find myself spending most of my time at his house. He’s talking a million miles a minute about his day, and his most recent visit to Kya’s. He tells me practically everything the baby did, which isn’t much considering she’s, well, a baby, but Josh is excited, so I let him have his moment. Then he says something that makes my heart stop.

“Jake said they’re probably gonna go to West Virginia soon to visit… uh, whoever you guys know up there. I thought maybe we could tag along, make it a whole family trip.”

“No. I’m not going to West Virginia.” Bile is rising in my throat at the thought, and I’m infuriated he would even suggest it.

He reaches out to touch my arm. “I mean, I’d be there with you the whole time. I think it’d be-“

“I said no.”

“I want to see where you grew up, and whatever happened out there, we can-“

The last remaining calm in me dissipates, and I snatch my arm from him, slamming my fist on the marble countertop so hard it shoots pain up to my elbow. “Drop it!”

He blinks at me in shock, and I pretend I don’t notice the way he flinches. I’ve never raised my voice like this toward him, but now the dam has broken, and I can’t stop. “Why can’t you ever just fucking leave shit alone?”

“Finn…” His voice is so small and soft that I almost feel bad. Almost.

“Stop. Fucking. Talking. For once in your life shut the fuck up. I don’t understand why you always have to keep pushing and pushing for shit you know nothing about! Maybe no one’s ever told you no, you’re so used to getting everything you want, but it doesn’t fucking work like that. And you don’t even understand one piece of what you’re prying for. So, stop acting like a spoiled fucking brat, and quit digging!”

I know he doesn’t deserve any of what I said, but the damage is already done. His eyes are filling with tears, and he takes a step away from me. His jaw tenses and he nods, refusing to look me in the eyes. “Fine. Okay.” He doesn’t argue, the first indication that I’ve truly hurt him, only turns away and disappears down the hallway.

My heart’s racing, my skin feels like it’s on fire, and I’m squeezing my fist so tightly my nails are digging into my palm. The house is too small; the walls might be closing in on me. I don’t hear anything, and Josh doesn’t come back out. I should go apologize, but it seems like such a daunting task that will only result in more confrontation, and will inevitably lead me to hurt him more. That’s the last thing I want to do, so I grab my keys, slam the door on the way out, get in my car, and drive.

I don’t have a destination, I just need to get away. It’s already dark; the bright oncoming headlights in the opposite lane make my eyes water. Or is it the guilt and anxiety? I very much wish I could go back and do things differently. Maybe it’s not too late to salvage my relationship with him, but I can’t return to him like this, when my mind is still mottled with rage. I don’t trust what I might do. Instead, I’ll do what I do best – run.

~

JOSHUA

When Josh told his twin he was coming over, Jake wasn’t expecting to find him with bloodshot eyes and splotchy, tear-stained cheeks. “Shit, what’s wrong?” Jake ushered him inside and directed his attention to Josh, concern painting his features.

“Finn and I got into a fight. And he didn’t come home. It’s been 24 hours. His phone’s going straight to voicemail. I checked his place, and I don’t think he’s been there either. What if something happened to him? What if-“

“Josh, calm down. I’m sure he’s fine.” Jake coaxed his brother to sit down on the couch. He gently reminded Josh to keep his voice down, so he doesn’t wake the baby. “Did he say anything before he left?”

“No. No, we argued… he was so pissed off so I tried to give him some space and he just left.” Josh didn’t want to elaborate on the details; he knew how Jake would react to Finn being the primary aggressor, and he didn’t want to make his boyfriend out to be the bad guy. He blamed himself for it anyways. “I don’t know what to do. I’m worried about him. And I checked the weather, there’s another storm coming through. What if he gets stuck out in it somewhere?”

Jake shook his head. “What are you talking about? He’s not a fucking dog, Josh. It’s just rain. He’ll figure it out.”

“No, he’s right to be worried.” Kya’s voice came from behind them; they didn’t hear her come around the corner until she spoke. “He’s always been terrified of storms. I don’t know why. He used to hide in the closet when we were kids, until it passed. But that also means he watches the weather like a hawk. I’m sure he’s found somewhere safe to hunker down until it passes.”

“Is this normal for him, to just disappear?” Josh’s eyes pleaded with her for some kind of reassurance.

Kya shrugged sadly. “He’s always been a little ghost-y, I guess. But I didn’t think he would just drop off without telling you. What… was it that bad of a fight?”

Josh swallowed as he fought back tears. “It… no, it was stupid. And I’m the one that upset him. I started it.”

Kya watched him carefully; there was something he wasn’t telling them. But she didn’t call him out on it. She figured if it was something serious, he would have said something. “He’ll come around,” she said. “He doesn’t handle confrontation well. I’m sure he just needs some time to cool off and clear his head. He’ll come back.” She didn’t let on that she was suddenly doubting her own words.

When Josh eventually returned home, dejected and depressed, he curled up on the couch under a soft throw blanket. He held his phone close and made sure the volume was turned up in case Finn did call him back. He wanted to stay up, wanted to wait just a little longer, but exhaustion won out and he soon drifted to sleep.

~

It’s barely dawn by the time I make it back to Josh’s house. His car is here. He’s probably asleep, which makes me falter. I don’t want to wake him up, but I know the longer I stay away, the harder it will be. I’ve rehearsed a hundred different conversations in my head, like memorizing a script that will change based on how Josh responds to each line. I’m honestly quite terrified. I considered just staying gone, but I know Josh well enough to know that kind of uncertainty would only hurt him more. If I’ve lost him, at least we’ll both know it.

I ring the doorbell. I know where he keeps the spare key, but I don’t feel like I’ve earned the right to use it. I don’t realize I’m holding my breath as I wait for a response. I’m surprised at how quickly he comes to the door, and I’m even more shocked when he throws his arms around me so hard I almost stumble backwards.

“Where the hell have you been? I was so worried about you. I thought… I thought something happened to you.”

He was worried? About me? I coax him inside so I can shut the door. I’m not keen on providing intel on our private lives to the neighbors. He sniffs and rubs his eyes with the back of his hand. When I finally get a good look at his face, my chest aches. He hasn’t slept; he looks exhausted. I know he’s been crying, and I hate that it’s my fault.

He allows me to lead him to the couch, but instead of sitting with him, I kneel on the floor in front of him. “I’m so sorry.” It seems like a good place to start. “I’m sorry for how I treated you. You didn’t deserve that, Josh. I lost my cool, that’s all on me. And… I understand if you want me to leave, if you don’t want this anymore.”

“Where did you go?” he asks quietly.

“Uh, Wichita.”

“Kansas? What the hell is in Kansas? Or… who?”

I’m mildly taken aback at the implication, but if the roles were reversed, I’d be thinking the same thing. “I promise you, it’s nothing like that. I didn’t plan to go to Wichita, I just ended up there. I…” I hesitate to tell him the whole truth. Hiding it is easier, and he may not ever forgive me. But maybe he’ll pity me instead, and that’s almost worse. “I messed up, though.” I pull my AA chip from my pocket and place it in his hand, careful to avoid his eyes. “I’m sorry. I know you’re probably disappointed in me. I found a meeting before I came back, but if you don’t want-“

“I don’t want you to leave.” He looks at the chip in his palm before holding it back out to me. “This doesn’t define you, Finn. You’re allowed to make mistakes.”

Mistakes get people killed. “You deserve better,” I admit. I’m giving him an out, an escape route, and the small piece of me that is still decent wants him to take it. I slip the chip back into my pocket, although it feels dirty now, contaminated somehow.

He’s staring down at the carpet, and I can see the wheels turning. “You weren’t drunk, though.”

“I got drunk. I went to a bar, and-“

“No, I mean before you left. You weren’t drunk when you screamed at me.”

“No,” I whisper. “I… I can’t go back there, Josh. You trying to convince me to, it… it triggered something in me, I guess. I can’t stand feeling like I don’t have a choice.”

“I didn’t mean to upset you.”

“I know you didn’t. I’m working on it, though. And I know it’s a lot to ask, but I promise if you give me another chance, I’ll do better. It won’t happen again.”

He stays quiet for a moment, sniffling as he considers my words. I’m still not confident that he’ll forgive me, and I brace myself for the worst. But instead, he leans forward, resting his arms on my shoulders and pulling me to him. “I’m sorry. Just please don’t leave. Let me help you,” he practically begs.

I give into his pleas, and we stay like this until he asks me to come to bed with him. “Will you just lay with me?” I hold him then, neither of us saying a word. His fingers absentmindedly trace my skin, just under the hem of my shirt. They trail along the small scar just above my right hip and I tense up involuntarily. The little patch of marred flesh is just a reminder, another in a long line of stories I will never tell him. He’s learned to quit asking about it, now.

I don’t think I really sleep. Josh eventually drifts off and I’m left alone. I don’t want to admit it, but my gut is telling me this is wrong. Something in me is screaming to get away from here, from him. Except it’s not because I’m in any kind of danger. It’s because I know he is. No matter how many promises I make, how many times he forgives me for the things I’ve done, or how much he pleads for me to stay with him, I will inevitably hurt him over and over again. There is no doubt in my mind that everything he’s tried to build in himself, I will bring it all crashing to the ground. I do love him, more than I’ve loved anyone this way. Some say if you love something, you need to let it go. But my love for him, and my own selfishness, is why I know I never will. I’ll hold onto him for as long as I can, even if all I do is drag him down with me to the pits of wherever the hell I end up.

///

@hollyco @fleetingjake @musicislove3389 @hailthegodsong @josh-iamyour-mama @katuschka

TAGLIST

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[eddiediazismyhusband]

No but you’re so right about not wanting to watch season 8 because after how they handled the doppelgänger storyline I don’t want to watch it, with the rumours Gavin isn’t coming back and how this show has handled estranged parents storylines in the past I just have zero faith they’re going to do Eddie any justice especially after they sent him back to before the show levels of development, practically erasing everything we’ve seen him work on from seasons 2-6, like I can just picture the Diaz parents redemption and Eddie thanking them for taking Chris and ignoring everything a little like they did with the Buckleys

And something something this show hates happy queer parents, I don’t know how to really articulate this but like even if they do a gay Eddie storyline now, it’s not sitting right with me that it’s only happening now Chris is gone, like I know Eddie filters life through Chris/doesn’t really know who he is without the parent role etc etc I know that but with the way they treat Henren on the show and the way they treat Denny and Mara’s storylines, it almost seems like they weren’t going to let Eddie figure himself out while also actively parenting—it’s giving the straight grandparents need to save Chris from his gay dad (like they wanted to all along) i don’t know if I’m getting my point across well but it’s giving a “if you’re queer and a parent you will not be happy on this show your kid/s will get taken away from you”

👏👏👏

this. i understand the argument that eddie needs a chance to examine things without looking throughthe Chris lense, but it feels like he absolutely 100% could have had the realization because of Chris. like it would have taken chris saying he views buck as his dad one time and eddie would have spiralled and everything would have begun to fall into place— i get gavin having conflicts due to his move and possibly having to leave the show but there were so many other ways to essentially write him off (yes ik nothing is confirmed and that he very well could come back in a much slimmed down onscreen role such as may/harry) but it feels like they just went “eh… eddie started to reconcile with his dad…. let’s just send chris away even though eddie realistically would not have built up that much trust in this short amount of time (especially w helena)

and i 1000% agree w it mimicking the henren trauma bc why are we targeting the black lesbians with the same storyline we already saw with Nia…. why are we now lumping eddie into the traumatized poc paranoid losing their kid trope? especially if they plan to make him queer?

like i fully understand this show is a drama, but i miss when it was a DRAMA and not a SOAP OPERA… like earlier seasons had their fair amount of dramatic shit going on but this is just ridiculous and some of it feels farcical to me at this point… especially with the handling of buck’s bisexuality where his coming out scene to maddie included a joke about “always checking out a hot guy’s ass” once again reducing his character down to sex even though Buck has grown past that… idk it just rubs me the wrong way that we’re either sex-hungry, sassy, traumatized, or all three in one and it doesn’t sit right with me.

also them actively chosing to make a known problematic character queer just to serve as a plot device for a sexuality arc that didn’t even live up to any potential bc they kissed once, went on a coffe date and bam they’re suddenly together? even for a straight couple that’s such an anticlimactic relationship buildup let alone a queer one… and not only that but using his queerness as an excuse for his racism and misogynistic behavior as a way to sweep it under the rug is so icky to me… like why is the only decently treated canonically queer character Josh??? (even though even he was part of that whole hate crime plot!)

it’s so hard as a queer person to watch other queer people be told by straight people that they should settle for what we have… and that those queer people listen and also somehow think that settling is all we can do. i know it’s easy to settle for shit, but i’m sorry i did not spend six years watching these two build something beautiful to see it thrown away because what they gave us is (not even) “good enough.”

it really is disheartening.

anyway sorry for turning this into another rant post, anon, i just liked your added point of the traumatized queer parent thing and wanted to expand on that some more!

[its-the-sa]

Different anon. God just boiling down the slugcats to 'animals' angers me in a way I didn't think I could be angry. Yes, they are animals, but by all means they are cognitive and understand complex emotions, communicate with a supposedly complex language, are able to be taught to do things. Why else would the iterators use them as messengers constantly? It's not like they're messenger pigeons where it's just going from point A to point B, they understand exact instructions. If this was just some random animal, making groans and grunts, they wouldn't be able to understand what Five Pebbles even meant when he was explaining how to ascend. Even with the mark, could you imagine if he told a lizard this? Artificer, arguably, is a prime example of this. Just an animal would get over their fallen children, sure they'd grieve but in the end they'd just make more. Arti not only is so enraged by their death, that she is physically incapable of ascension, but also swears vengeance upon a whole other species. This isn't just some animal who lost her children, this is a mother who is enraged at her children's murder. Sure, they aren't on the same level as humans are. Like obviously. But I'd argue it makes sense that a scavenger and a slugcat could fall down the path of enemies to lovers. Especially when you consider the fact that death isn't permanent in Rain World's universe. That would definitely change one's perspective on it. I dunno if I make sense, I'm juggling like three things at once, but I had to say what I needed to say. Wording bad, slugcat smort.

tbh it took me a minute to figure out what this was even referring to, because honestly I don't think that anon meant to use the word 'animal' to dehumanize arti in the first place. it sounded to me like they were just using it as a non-human equivalent for 'person', like "why would anyone fall for a person who committed hate crimes against them?" which is a valid question. it never even occurred to me that they could have meant it in the sense of calling her an inferior creature.

that said... you ARE 100% right and you should say it, lmao.

I very nearly got into this exact argument once, bc i saw some comments from a guy scoffing at the idea of arti showing mercy to baby scavs. because by his logic, 'she is just an animal, so she isn't bound by human morality. in the wild, animals kill any young that don't belong to them without hesitation'. and it just pissed me off so much, because not only was it such an edgy "mercy is for the WEAK!" alpha-male bullshit take, it was also just factually wrong. many animals can and do adopt the young of other animals, even other species, especially when they've just lost their own. and like you said, they can grieve, but then they move on. they keep surviving, and making more babies. they don't dwell on injustice, or let rage consume them to the point that it becomes a hindrance to their own survival. they don't go on single-minded revenge quests. they dont try to justify their own violence by demonizing entire species, and they dont end up plagued by guilt in their sleep. those are very, very human things.

and yeah, i see a lot of people theorize that it's the mark of communication that grants the slugcats higher intelligence, but I don't really buy that either. i think the mark just lets them understand the iterator's language. they must've already had the capacity to understand it, or else it wouldn't work at all. it'd be like trying to install windows on a calculator. also, even without the mark, slugcats are obviously shown to communicate with each other. they have their own culture, they tell stories and make art, and they're apparently able to understand karma and the nature of the cycle at least enough to be able to ascend. so like... any creature thats capable of spiritual enlightenment must at least be sapient, right??

it seems like in the absence of the ancients, both slugcats and scavs are beginning to move in to their niche in the ecosystem

[utilitycaster]

Perhaps it’s because I’m religious (Jewish to be specific) but I really vibed with the perspective of The Lawbearer and the Covenant that they have with mortals.

Specifically, bc I find the pushback on the deity superiority and the “there are things you cannot undersand” complex as so interesting. Bcfrom my perspective yes the gods are more powerful and eternal than mortals. Yes they know more and understand more - far beyond comprehension.

Isn’t that why you enter into the covenant in the first place? It’s not an insult it’s a reality. That entity - that God IS more powerful than you as a mortal and is capable of more than you.

And this is maybe where the Judaism comes in - but like - there’s no guarantee that a covenant will be easy or pain free. Or that others will not hate you for your covenant. Or that there won’t be times where you want to break it because God(s) have done something you don’t agree with, asks too much of you, or you’re being persecuted.

And I guess the question I’ve been circling around - esp for the Society of Primes - is what is the point in serving or saving Gods you want to weaken?

Hi anon!

I am also Jewish and practicing, and have...experimented feels like the wrong word, but certainly changed, grappled with, and otherwise tried to figure out what that practice looks like and what I specifically believe in, which would be a long and rather personal discussion but suffice it to say both the background and the fact that I have questioned what I specifically do (and the fact that it is a background that is like hey questioning is great and you should do that) informs a my interpretations of deities in other works.

It's funny because I completely agree that the idea that you should both strive to understand the divine and that also it is, by its nature, beyond human comprehension. I also, coming from the Jewish tradition, think that the idea of negotiating with an entity far beyond your power or comprehension is on the table. On some level I think the discussion on last night's 4SD of how Nick approached the Dawnfather (rather more like the triple goddess than, in my opinion, the Trinity, if we're referencing religious mythology; I think it's interesting how people skewed to the latter) evokes, for example, Sodom and Gomorrah; you can put forth an argument! Indeed, Abraham does! People talk back to God a lot in the Torah. I don't think gods are beyond questioning for their actions, and there are fictional works where I think the gods shouldn't live. But getting back to your point, I think in those works it does come down to a covenant that seems broken that makes me go "yeah, gotta go."

I promise I am not making this up but I've been writing this during a summer thunderstorm - and I have an easterly-facing window through which I see a lot of rainbows, and there was one this time, which naturally made me think of the blessing on rainbows, which is one that focuses on God as, essentially, one who remembers covenants and keeps promises, and is reliable; it is very much like the vision of Erathis. It is, on some level, an exchange - not an equal one, but still an agreement, and one both are expected to keep.

The thing with Cassida is, and this is where I need to at least attempt to set aside my own religious biases, that's not the deity she was praying to. I would be interested to know more of the Society of Primes but I don't think they necessarily wanted to weaken the Prime Deities - I think they did believe fully in the power of the Primes and felt they were saving people by killing the Betrayers, and frankly that's not unreasonable to believe, given what we know. But at least for Cassida I do think it's really relevant that she was a follower of a goddess of mercy and healing, someone who from whom one would expect lenience and forgiveness, more so than reliability. It's also relevant that this is a polytheistic society and Judaism is monotheistic, so, for example, the idea of God as embodying mercy and destructive forces and agriculture and nature and beauty is not something that Exandrians would necessarily ascribe to. I think the revelation that the gods are both much more complex than expected but not infinite and specifically fallible (vs. the irl monotheistic view that does generally treat God as eternal and infinite) is something one has to keep in mind in understanding how Exandrians engage with the divine, and especially in Cassida's disillusionment.

[nellie-elizabeth]

Man... all the negativity about C3 and Vax's ending...

it's like, I get it on one level, the ending of campaign 1 was obviously iconic and beautifully tragic and you don't want to mess with that.

But I guess I don't understand why the negativity comes now and not way back at episode 50 when he first re-appeared. Like, if people were making the argument back then that it was dumb for Vax to show up and they would have rather he never reappear, I could totally understand that. And I'm sure some people WERE making that argument. Fine.

But the second he's standing over Keyleth with those daggers, the second Matt says "don't you even dare" and the whole table loses their shit, then... the cat's already out of the bag??? at that point, especially once Vax is in peril as an orb and we know he's in pain and needs to be saved, in what universe is it a satisfying ending if he just goes back to being dead/gone and working for the matron in the afterlife? Then there's no point in him appearing at all, it's just this weird awkward blip that "ruins" c1's ending anyway. At the start of the finale when Vax was already gone after that one night, I was like "well, that was stupid, why even have him show up at all" and it wasn't until the gods made their choice and the champions of the various deities were speaking to their patrons that I was like "ohhhh good, cool, this is so interesting and emotionally fulfilling."

So like, again, if it's your argument that Vax never should have factored in at all in C3 I can see it. It does unravel how C1 ended to have him show up. But I seem to recall people being generally pretty hyped to see him back when all that went down. And the second he turns up, you have to do something to shift from the status quo or else it's just... an awkward cameo?

and idk, this whole thing is making me reevaluate what people thought was special about C1's ending like, I thought the big choice Vax made to dedicate himself to the RQ started as an alternative to 1) Vex being dead, and then much later, 2) being literal ash at Vecna's hands; it wasn't like leaving with her when he was still so young was the "point" of his arc, it was literally something that happened because of the dice rolls during that Vecna encounter, a way of Matt letting Liam come back for the rest of the campaign as Vax as it was wrapping up. It was beautiful that Vax came to accept and honor his role as her champion, I loved that shit so much, but him dying at the end wasn't the natural conclusion of that character arc, or it certainly didn't have to be the only way that story could have gone?? If Vecna hadn't dusted him, the outcome would have been Vax as a paladin/champion of the RQ for the rest of his natural born life and then, depending on how the original deal with the RQ ("take me instead you raven bitch") was interpreted by Matt/RQ, he ostensibly would have ended up her champion after death the same way he did, just on a longer timetable. Right??? And that's what Liam himself was hoping for as he played out the game, it just didn't land his way.

This is all a ramble to say like, the thing that made C1's ending special wasn't, at least to me, that one of the main characters HAD to die?? like that was never ever even remotely the point, it wasn't a beautiful story because it was so tragic, at least for me.

Also, thematically speaking, the RQ was a human originally who ascended to godhood and then now she's going to be mortal again but part of a cycle of rebirth, and she assisted BH in their quest to shake up the status quo with the gods, so clearly here own thoughts on this are complicated! We have all these themes about death and permanence and what's natural/not natural about various consciousnesses continuing on in various forms... what's possible, what's ethical, what choices should people make and is it right that individuals even have the power to make those choices? These are major themes of all three campaigns, and of D&D in general if you think about it, inherent to a world where death is impermanent cuz magic. And something about Vax like... returned to earth but still devoted to the RQ, with his exact nature and status unclear, it doesn't suddenly erase all that came before it, it just opens up more questions and complexities for his character, while also providing something... joyful? For him and for Keyleth and for his other friends, and at least speaking for myself, for the audience?

I've always rebelled from the argument that death is the only permanent consequence that can be respected as a serious ending for an arc like Vax's, I just... idk, man, this is a fantasy world where people come back from the dead literally all the time, it's a genre feature. And why do people act like C3's ending "ruins" C1? That makes no sense to me. Stories continuing on past their original endings is literally what's cool about an expanded canon like what they've been able to do with Exandria over the past decade. I don't want my TTRPG decade-long story to end the way a single novel ends, I want it to keep unfolding and changing and morphing forever and ever. It's the whole appeal of the format to me.

Like, okay, I'm not stupid, I get the general vibe of people being conflicted or yucked out by this, I completely respect if it didn't gel for you and you were disappointed with it as an ending. Fair enough, people don't agree sometimes. I feel like if someone told me the gist without a lot of detail, that a story ended in a character's death and it was really beautiful and poignant, but then decades later in-universe and many years later in real-life, that character popped back up alive again... I might balk at that in the abstract. It's the kind of thing that can become pretty cheap in big franchise story-telling or whatever, milking returning characters until what was good about them in the first place has faded away. But that's not this, and I don't think you can reasonably say this is the same thing as a comic book character getting killed and popping back up dozens of times for shock value. That's simply not what played out on our screens, y'all. I watched the story, I saw how the cookie crumbled, and I am just not convinced by the arguments I've seen that it's an inherently bad or cheap choice, even if it's a choice that some people don't like.

I think it fuckin' rules. not sorry bout it.

[jxfndm]

JEREMIAH FISHER x FEM! READER (ARGUMENT/MATURE FLUFF)

"he hurt you"

WARNINGS - arguing, mentions of alcohol, some mature descriptions, cussing

Y/N

I was heated, I was upset, I was anything and everything all at once. Who wouldn’t be, after being so utterly embarrassed?

"Y/N, what the fuck?" a voice echoed behind me. The house was blasting with music and people were running up and down each corner. We were at the summer house, throwing one last party before the house sold.

Except, what would’ve been a perfect night, was ruined when my boyfriend, Jeremiah, went and fought my ex. Who, I should say, I had not a fucking clue would be invited.

I was upstairs in my room, after I had stomped away from the scene, but of course, Jere knew where I always was.

I turned around, turning face to face with him. His shirt was pulled in different areas, and he was panting heavily.

"What do you want?" I spat, crossing my arms. Jere could only do so much as look at me with the most pissed off expression in the world.

"Are you actually serious right now? One second I’m taking Bryan down, and the next, you’re fucking pissed with me? Without any explanation as to why?" Jere questioned, anger strung out in his tone. He had gotten closer, trying his best to not cause another scene.

"You just fucking embarrassed me, for no damn reason!" I yelled lowly, my fists were tight, and my knuckles were surely white. I was tense.

"How the hell are you embarrassed? He fucking hurt you, Y/N. That asshole deserves nothing but to be punched in the fucking gut." He explained, his hands in the air. "You’re making no sense right now."

I scoffed, questioning "And you somehow do?".

"Jeremiah, there was no fucking need to punch him, or do whatever the hell you thought you were doing. For one, we’ve been broken up for awhile now and he doesn’t give a shit. Two, why risk yourself getting hurt? That was just pure stupidity, because there was no reason for it to fucking happen!" I exclaimed, my mind was racing.

I knew I had gotten him, because now he was quiet. Maybe it was the beer that fucked him up too, but he had never reacted like this, ever.

"Y/N, you don’t understand." he said simply, his gaze away from me. "Then make me understand, Jere. What the fuck did you do that for?" I questioned.

He scoffed, licking his lips.

"Don’t you get it? He hurt you. He hurt the best fucking girl to ever walk his damn way. You were heartbroken for weeks, you didn’t sleep, you hardly ate. That hurt me, because I know you deserved more than the shit he pulled. I wanted you before he even had the chance to have you, and when you started dating him, all I hoped for was that he would treat you the way you deserved to be treated." Jeremiah explained, his expression going soft.

"Seeing the girl of my dreams get hurt by some no good asshole like him, hurt me on a personal level. Because you are fucking everything and more to me, Y/N." Jere finished. His eyes looked saddened and tired. I couldn’t help but feel for him.

I knew I made the right choice when I picked Jeremiah, he’d be the person I would get married to, the one who would father our children, the one by my side till the end.

I stepped toward him, cupping his face in one of my hands. His skin was smooth and delicate, just like him.

"Baby, please. I just don’t want you to get hurt. I get it, but nothing is worth more than having you here with me. Fully here with me." I stated, rubbing his cheek with my thumb.

He looked me in the eye, a smile now pulling on his face. He pulled me in closer with one of his hands.

Before I knew it, he had smashed his lips onto mine, holding my lower waist tightly. I smiled, kissing him back passionately.

The kiss intensified, clearly, the alcohol we consumed over the past few hours was starting to take over. Jere’s hands found its way lower than my waist, his hands now grabbing snd squeezing my ass. It didn’t help that I was wearing little tight shorts, but I was loving it.

I jumped onto Jere, and now he had me against the wall. The kiss became hungry, as we were practically fighting for each other’s throats with our tongues.

A small moan escaped my lips, and it was just enough to excite Jeremiah, whose hard was now rubbing against me. I felt my stomach knot, feeling the need for more Jere.

What could’ve been more was interrupted when we heard a voice at the door.

"Hey, I was trying to find you guys so-", the voice started. We knew that voice, Steven. Me and Jere pulled away so fast, as he steadied me so I could stand. "Uh you know what, catch up with y’all downstairs. S-sorry." he said quickly, rushing out.

Me and Jeremiah were still close, but obviously, we’d have to resume this another time. I looked at him as we both giggled, laughing at the replay of Steven’s face when he saw us.

Jere picked up my hand, squeezing it lightly. He went down to my ear, his hot breath sending shivers down my spine.

"I don’t think I can wait much longer, baby. How about we drive my car to the beach? Let me show you how sorry I really am." he whispered, pulling away to look me in the eyes. I smirked, I loved when he couldn’t resist.

I nodded, as he led me down to his car. The rest of the night was kind of a blur, but it was one of the best nights I had in awhile.

***

a/n - lol not technically smut i dont think, but close enough to start one, but i dont know if im ready for that lmaoo

- j