#I try to keep positive and focus on the joys because there are so many of them.

[meanya]

I'm so tired man. I'm just so tired

I know I'll feel better in the morning but dammit I'm so tired.

[maidragoste]

The Parent Trap: Chapter Two

Aegon Targaryen x Velaryon!Reader x Aemond Targaryen

Summary: After the disastrous divorce between Aemond Targaryen and Y/n Velaryon the twins Baelon and Aemon were separated. Each was raised by one of their parents. Baelon was raised by his father while Aemon was raised by his mother. Years later they both meet at a summer camp and discover the existence of the other. The twins realize that there are many secrets in their family, eager to discover their past, they put together a plan to deceive their parents.

Masterlist

Thank you for your support, I was nervous that people wouldn't like it because the fic wasn't the same as the movie so I'm very happy to read all your comments. REBLOGS, comments and likes are always appreciated 🥰🥰💕💕💕

Btw, I made two playlists for this fic. One is from Aemond and the Reader and another is from Reader and Aegon. As I keep writing I'll probably add more songs or even delete some, who knows. If you have songs for me to add or are curious to know why, you are welcome to write to me in my inbox.

Disclaimer: English is not my first language so I apologize for any mistakes.

Ten years earlier

Your leg kept moving up and down. Your eyes are constantly directed to the door, expecting that at any moment Aemond would return home. You tried to distract yourself by watching TV but you were too anxious. Your mind couldn't focus on the stupid movie because all you could think about was the positive sign on the pregnancy tests you had taken that afternoon with Rhaena and Jace by your side. You regretted telling them to leave. If they were with you they would be preventing you from locking yourself in your own mind. They would make you tell them your fears and they would try to calm you down. The three of them would be making plans. You might even be practicing with Jace how the hell tell Aemond they were going to be parents.

You and Aemond would be parents. You would be a mother. You always knew you would have children, you wanted the happily ever after with the wedding and children like they always showed in the movies, but now you are terrified. It wasn't supposed to be like this. You're barely twenty-three years old, you haven't even finished your second year of editorial editing. It was assumed that when you had children you would be at least over twenty-seven, your career—a career you were truly passionate about—would be finished, you would have a good job, and you would be married. You tried to console yourself by telling yourself that at least you're in a stable relationship. You and Aemond have been dating for three years. You two knew each other since you were little because your godmother is Aemond's older sister and then you ended up attending the same school so you spent a lot of time together. You still remember like it was yesterday how nervous you were when you first kissed Aemond during New Year's. You were afraid of ruining your friendship and that things would become awkward but he didn't pull away when you kissed him he grabbed you by the waist and pulled you closer to him. That night they hid from everyone and spent the rest of the celebration kissing. The next day they started dating. From there everything was wonderful. Like any couple, you and Aemond have your run-ins—like when you argued because you didn't like the way he behaved with Jace, your best friend, or when Aemond got mad at you because you made the two of you leave the restaurant you were having a date at. to pick up a drunk Aegon in a bar again—but there was definitely more joy than displeasure in your relationship with Aemond. You saw yourself having a future with him, you could see yourself perfectly next to him in your white dress. You can imagine Aemond putting a baby to sleep while he lulls it to sleep in High Valyrian. Are you sure you want a future with Aemond. But you're terrified of his reaction to this unexpected news. What would you do if Aemond didn't want to keep the baby? You would have to break up with him. Even though you were scared, you knew you wanted to keep the baby. That was clear to you.

You heard the door open and it didn't take long for your boyfriend to enter. You got up from the couch and went to hug him. Whenever he returned home you welcomed him with a hug and kisses. This time you held on to him longer than usual, wanting to remember the feeling of Aemond's arms around you in case this was the last time.

You were about to kiss him but he turned your face away from him making your heart skip a beat. Before you could move away he gently grabbed your chin and studied you carefully. Of course, he had realized something was happening to you when you were clinging so fiercely to him.

“What's wrong?” he asked. Aemond first wanted to know what was happening to you before you kissed him.

Once again you regretted kicking Rhaena and Jace out. At least you should have taken advantage of this time alone to practice in front of the mirror how to tell your boyfriend that you are pregnant. Or you could have called your parents to help you. Although knowing them they would tell you to keep the secret so that the three of them could plan a big announcement together. But you couldn't wait, you need to know now what Aemond was thinking. You needed to know whether or not he would be with you on this trip.

“Y/n?” Your boyfriend called you, feeling his concern growing with every second that you remained silent.

“I think I'm pregnant” You closed your eyes feeling frustrated with yourself and hurried to correct yourself “I mean, I'm pregnant” You tried not to panic as you felt him move away from you “I haven't had any blood tests done yet but I'm One hundred percent sure I'm pregnant. I took five pregnancy tests and they all came back positive.”Your nerves were evident because you were talking faster than normal and you couldn't stop gesturing with your hands.

Aemond felt as if someone had thrown a bucket of cold water on him. This was not in his plans. Right now he was focused on opening his own publishing house, he needed to focus all of his attention on that, he didn't need a distraction and a baby would be that. Taking care of a child would take up too much time. But I couldn't tell you that. I'd be an idiot if I told you that. His mother didn't raise him to be an idiot.

“Marry me,” he said, knowing it was the right thing to do. Besides, ever since you two moved in together, he knew you were going to get married. He knows that he wants to spend the rest of his life waking up next to you, he wants your face to be the first and last thing he sees, he wants to come home and always be greeted with your kisses, he wants you to tell him about your day while the two of you have dinner, He wants to hear your theories about the TV shows you watch together. Aemond wants everything with you, even the most mundane things like going grocery shopping or walking the dogs. He loves you. The only reasons Aemond hadn't proposed to you already was because he wanted to wait until you finished college and he wanted his publishing company to be established. Planning a wedding was a big deal and you two didn't have time for that. But now it didn't matter anymore. “Marry me,” he said again with a smile as he saw how you opened your eyes and looked at him as if he were giving you the moon.

You couldn't help but laugh at yourself, feeling like an idiot for doubting Aemond. Maybe it wasn't the romantic proposal you had dreamed of but you didn't care. You were so relieved and so glad you didn't have to do this alone.

“Yes,” you responded with your heart racing and tears in your eyes. “Yes!” you repeated louder this time before throwing yourself into your fiancé's arms. You began to laugh as Aemond picked you up and spun you around. Your fears were forgotten. The only thing you felt at that moment was happiness.

Present

Aemon found it strange that when he arrived at camp Rickon was not waiting for him at the entrance like the previous years. He assumed this time that the trip had tired him too much and he went to take a nap in his cabin. So he decided to go there first instead of searching for him throughout the rest of the camp. If Rickon wasn't there at least he would leave his suitcases so he could walk comfortably.

When he entered the cabin he expected to find it empty or his best friend sleeping. He never imagined that an almost exact copy of him would be found walking back and forth all over the place. Aemon is not proud but his first reaction is to scream and throw his suitcase at him with all his might.

“Dude, what the hell?!” his copy shouted, barely managing to cum in time to avoid being hit.

“What happened?!” Rickon asked, also screaming, running out of the bathroom. “Aemon you finally arrived!” He ran to hug him.

Aemon barely moved his arms to hug Rickon but his eyes did not leave the other boy who was too similar to him. The copy of him didn't stop looking at him either, the two of them were studying each other. The only difference is that the stranger had much shorter hair than Aemon and did not have tanned skin like him. But Aemon knew that if he hadn't been sailing in the sun with his grandparents just a few days ago then he would look just like the copy of him.

"Who is he?" Aemon asked breaking the hug, no longer able to stand his curiosity. If he had encountered the copy of him years ago he would have thought that it was some kind of prank by Rickon or that maybe it was an evil clone but now he knew that it didn't make sense. The only logical explanation he could think of was that he had a missing twin but that didn't make sense because his mom would never hide something as big as this from him.

“Aemon do you need glasses? It's obvious that he's a copy of you," said the dark-haired boy, earning an angry look from the other two boys. “Don't do that, it's weird,” he complained.

“I am not Aemon's copy. In any case, he is my copy,” declared the short-haired boy.

“I met Aemon before so you are a copy of him.”

“Wait, why does he know my name?” Aemon interrupted before the other two continued fighting over who the copy was. He needed to know what was going on before he gave him a headache. Although since he saw the stranger he began to feel bad. It was disconcerting to see someone just like himself. He made him feel uncomfortable. Not even Joffrey looked that much like him, and she was his brother.

Aemon wanted to know who this boy was, why he looked so much like him, and why this was the first time he had met him. But at the same time, he was afraid. He could already sense that his life would be different after this camp. He decided to sit on the nearest bed to avoid running out and ask one of the caregivers for his cell phone to call his parents to come back to look for him. Maybe he should have let Mom walk him to the cabin like she wanted.

“Your friend thought I was you, he came up shouting your name when I was with my uncle Daeron. My uncle said that he knew you and that I should stay with Rickon until you showed up. Now I see why he insisted so much."

Aemon was sure he had heard Daeron's name before but he was sure he had never met him. Without realizing it he began to move his leg up and down trying to remember that he knew about Daeron but nothing came to mind.

“I am Baelon Targaryen,” the boy introduced himself, looking at him with concern and Aemon squeezed his leg to prevent himself from moving it further. “I think I'm your twin.”

“No,” the long-haired boy denied instantly.

“Dude, we're literally copies of each other!” Baelon said, frustration evident in his voice, pointing at Aemon and then at himself.

Rickon gave Baelon a look telling him to shut up. In the few hours that he had known him, Baelon had never seen Rickon so serious, so he crossed his arms indignantly and watched silently and attentively as Stark sat next to his twin.

“I know it seems crazy, Aemon, but I really think Baelon is right,” said the dark-haired boy, looking at his friend with concern. Rickon wouldn't know how to react either if he suddenly found out that he had a twin. “The two are copies of each other. Besides, he grew up without knowing his mom and you grew up without knowing your dad. I don't think it's a coincidence. Just like I don't think it's a coincidence that Baelon's uncle knew you."

Aemon looked at his best friend before turning his attention to his possible new brother. “When were you born?”

"June 20th. I guess just like you," said Baelon, and was satisfied when he saw that his twin nodded. "I have a photo of Mom!" He suddenly remembered the photo that he had stolen from Dad a long time ago and that he had hidden in his luggage. “You can see her and confirm that she is our mom,” he said excitedly, thinking that this way Aemon could no longer deny his relationship. He couldn't help but be excited at the thought that he was no longer alone, he had a brother. He had always seen how close his uncle Daeron was to his dad and his other uncles and he remembered wanting to have the same.

Baelon ran to grab his suitcase and began to take out all of his clothes, not caring about the mess, until he found the latest Boku no Hero manga that he was reading and triumphantly pulled out one of the pages the photo of her mother with him in her arms while she kissed his cheek, her eyes were only on him, not caring to look at the camera.

“Look,” he said, handing the photo proudly to Aemon. The photo wasn't complete, it was obvious that someone had cut it in half but Baelon didn't care. That photo was one of his most prized possessions. He looked at her every day before going to sleep because he reminded him that his mom loves him.

“Oh, shit,” Aemon muttered before handing the photo back to him.

“It's her, right?” Baelon asked, watching with anticipation as it was now Aemon who was searching for something in his suitcase. Aemon, unlike him, was not throwing his clothes everywhere. He felt his heart race when he saw how his twin took out a notebook and took something out of it.

“Is this your dad?” Aemon asked, giving him a photo. Baelon nodded several times, unable to say anything out of emotion. His dad wasn't looking at the camera but he wasn't looking at the baby he was holding either. He just looked to the side with a smile.

Baelon took both photos and placed them side by side on the bed. The photo was now complete. Dad was looking at Mom. If Baelon hadn't been so engrossed in looking at the photo then he would have noticed Aemon and Rickon exchanging glances.

“I told you we're twins!” Baelon said with a big smile once he snapped out of the shock of nudging Aemon.

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[douglasthealien]

A message from a trans, ex fan of Harry Potter

I usually try and keep this blog positive. But as a trans person who grew up with Harry Potter I have to say something.

I don't understand how people who are against Rowling's views can still look at Harry Potter in a good light. To me now, especially after the other day, all it does is remind me of how many supporters she has that support her disgusting ideologies. It reminds me that these are the books that has gotten so many people on her anti trans side. Without that book series she wouldn't have a fucking platform to stand on and wouldn't be spreading this amount of hate against people like me.

Yes it brought so many people a lot of joy. It changed internet culture forever. We can look back on it and acknowledge just how much it changed. But we need to see now just how much this book series is the reason why Rowling can stand there and scream her bullshit and have so so many people flocking to agree with her because of her reputation of making harry potter.

And not to mention the awful stereotypes and subtext overlooked in the book itself, that she's still getting away with because "it's Harry Potter 🥺". People, please give your attention to other books that deserve it. There's so many better book series that are being overshadowed by this mediocre series written by a TERF who denies what fucked up things the Nazis did. For me it was getting into different series that allowed me to say goodbye to harry potter. You can still look back and have good memories of what the fandom used to be whilst still not supporting it to this day. That's what I do. The culture back then was fun and again changed the internet in a significant way. But that's in the past now.

Please move on, as a trans person who's scared of my rights being removed because of the hate groups that she's created from this series. Find something better to focus your energy on because there's so much better out there. Remember that she thrives off of people supporting her series whether you support her views or not. Don't allow this awful person to thrive.

And if you're reading this as a supporter of Rowling. I don't know what to say to you really, I hope in the future you come to realise that she's bullshit.

[shewaslikeasunflower]

i was scared to show i liked mother ships and all, especially when one of my fave artists actually hated mom ships and would block the tags n people…

SO I GOT REALLY SCARED, i didn’t wanna reveal i liked any of them because i didn’t wanna be hated over it let alone blocked. understandably so why cause they’re all children but auuughh im not even trying to be weird about that and i just wanna like ships..for fun? I wanna be serious with mom art and draw sad stuff but also have fun moments that make me feel happy as the artist drawing it!! and joy!!

umm, im still a little worried showing i liked mother ships now, but honestly i gotta say - the whole reason why I ended up revealing I liked mother ships was because of @nanaten!!! I ended up reallly liking clausten and discovered the clausten blog she has, and i found her main blog llike a good couple weeks later and AAHHHHH ❤️ her clausten art and her blog encouraged me to actually want to draw the ship for the first time - and post it on tumblr too! It’s not even just nana anymore though, there are so many mother artists im mooties with who do ship art too and it feels great!! sure, maybe i’ll be hated, but i’m really relieved i get to be open about it and just..enjoy ships without having to think of who’ll hate it behind the screen because i focus on the positive comments i get with my art iwndkwnjd

it feels good for me to speak about this i think :"D i even considered making another tumblr blog just to do seperate mother ships but i’m glad i chose to go “screw it lets just post on main”, because i then got to meet the right people in the fandom that appreciate it for what it is - and also even people that respect the art even if they don’t like mom ships!!!

as i said, i’m still nervous about showing i like it. but i think talking about this here makes me feel a little better to keep it up

[erinfern0]

helping when you're stressed [nsfw]

simon "ghost" riley, john "soap" mactavish, kyle "gaz" garrick, john price, alejandro vargas, rodolfo "rudy" parra, valeria garza, farah karim, keegan p. russ, könig headcanons with gn!reader

— gender-neutral anatomy, gender-neutral nicknames, only used pronouns are you, etc.

summary: my thoughts on how I believe they'd help you with stress. nothing too in-detail tho.

warnings: dirty talk, oral sex, rough sex, different dynamics, mutual masturbation, fingering, stress, sex as stress relief, joi, many more probably.

Simon "Ghost" Riley:

Entirely focused on you. Hates to use sex as stress relief for himself, but will gladly do it for you. Most likely, he will go down on you since he loves to not only taste you and make your legs shake around his head. He also loves to watch you from this angle. Always makes sure you're okay every couple of minutes, and doesn't mind being a little suffocated if you can't keep your legs open. Doesn't jerk himself off in the meantime, it just feels wrong to focus on himself while you're all exposed like that. Will definitely stop a couple of times to remind you to breathe, he knows how much you struggle to do it sometimes when you're too lost in the movements of his tongue and mouth over you. "Just like that, love, in and out" as he kisses your inner thighs. Constant eye contact is really important to him, so don't even try to cover or close your eyes on him.

John "Soap" MacTavish:

Probably will make you give him head first, giving you instructions, so you don't have to think about anything. Soft encouragements and his hand on top of your head. Not pulling, not pushing down – just slowly playing with your hair as you take him so well down your throat. Edges himself using your mouth. It takes him ages to finally accept his fate and cum. When he's done, he'll take his sweet time playing with you, caressing and kissing your body until you ask him nicely to finally fuck your brains out.

Kyle "Gaz" Garrick:

My man's a munch, a certified one I might add. I hope we all know it. He's not letting you go before you come at least twice from just his mouth on you. He loves the taste of your cum more than anything, especially on days when you're so upset. Not only that, but he loves to watch you unravel in front of him, slowly losing all that pent-up stress and anxiety. He's obsessed with holding your thighs, most likely wide open for him so he can leave hickeys on them in between your orgasms just to let you calm down a little. Doesn't usually end up inside of you. In most cases, he'll let you cum as many times as you need, get you cleaned up, and escort you to your bed.

John Price:

Definitely watches movies with you while caressing your body the whole time. You're not even sure when exactly his hand spread open your legs wide and dived under your clothes, but you don't mind. Especially because of how good this man is with his hands. Kisses your neck and tells you to just keep watching the TV. Loves to hear your muffled moans and whimpers when he asks you to be quiet because needs to see this scene. "Hush, love... Just for a second, okay?" Loves the feeling of your thighs tightening around his forearm. Easily gets him hard, but he won't let you touch him – it's all about you. He'll remind you how beautiful you are and how well you're doing for him just to see that cute blush on your face. Man's a tease. He'd stop a couple of times to focus on the movie, but never even once did his eyes lied on the damn thing. Watches you squirm and grind your hips against his hand instead.

Alejandro Vargas:

I believe him to be easily carried away. He'll start very slow, taking you to your bedroom, making sure you're comfortable in your position, slowly taking off your clothes, and watching for any signs of discomfort while taking off his own. Kissing your neck and chest, his hand slowly preparing you to take him while the other one helps him support his body over you. But give him a little more time and my man's getting impatient. Kisses getting a little sloppier, the movement of his fingers getting more chaotic, and before you know it – he's grunting over your ear while he's balls deep inside, steady and rough trusts at a medium pace. He definitely whispers to himself in Spanish to stay in control of his pace. One word and he'll slow down or speed up for you, but his main mission is to make you stop thinking about it all. No matter how rough he gets in the end, his words are always soft and praising you. Kisses you every time you get a little too loud not to disturb your neighbors.

Rodolfo "Rudy" Parra:

Just lie down and let him do all the work. He'll hold you as close as possible, whispering sweet nothings into your ear with very slow, sensual thrusts that drive you right to the edge pretty easily. Will only speed up if you ask him to. He's too worried he might be too much for you in moments like these, your brain already painfully exhausted with worries. He doesn't want your body to end up like that. Sweet praises in Spanish, but will make sure to repeat them in English if you don't understand. Makes you finish before him. Always slows down right after not to overstimulate you, only speeds up and finishes himself off when you ask him to keep going. If that was enough for you – "Don't you worry about me, amor" and kisses your forehead before taking his time to clean you up.

Valeria Garza:

Any signs of stress or pent-up frustration mean you're not getting out of her hold until you're just a little panting mess, not being able to think about your worries anymore. You can be as loud as you want but don't you dare give her orders, she'll definitely punish you for it. When she sees you struggle for most of your day, you're just her little mindless toy by the evening. She'll basically rip your clothes off of you and make you do exactly as she says just so you don't have to think about anything at all. Times like these make her a little more gentle during sex, will ask you if she's not pushing you too far from time to time. Starts off by telling you how to touch yourself, just a personal little JOI with her lustful eyes all over you. Then, she'll clean you up by using her tongue and mouth, slapping your thighs lightly every time you try to close them.

Farah Karim:

She's such a sweetheart about it. Will ask you if you need anything. Most likely, you'll just end up dry humping on the couch, lips too occupied with making out to actually ask her to take them off. But that's more than enough. She does her best not to get lost in pleasure and focus on you. Her hands roam all over your body, looking for all those most sensitive places. If that doesn't work for you, she might just guide you to the bed, sit down, and ask you to join her. She's a sucker for mutual masturbation, especially if there's a mirror in front of you two. Sometimes grows more vocal than you. Her eyes never leave your body. She looks straight into your eyes when she comes, her thighs trembling and tightening over her wrist but tries so hard to keep them spread for you to keep watching.

König:

Gives you most of the control, since he doesn't trust himself enough to do anything like that. Seeing you so stressed out gets him frustrated to help you, but he doesn't want to be too rough with you, so he'll just nod his head at whatever you want. Will most likely end up with you riding him, thanking him for letting you use him, while he holds your waist and helps you cum first. Loses his breath at the sight of you cumming all over his cock, especially if you make a mess. Will take as many breaks as you need and as many rounds as you truly want. Doesn't get overstimulated easily, so he can truly focus on you. He encourages you to stop thinking about anything other than this moment between you two. He believes allowing you to get rougher might help you to feel better. "Come on, schatz. I'm not made of glass", before guiding your hand to the nape of his neck to allow you to pull his hair.

Keegan P. Russ:

Bends you over the nearest surface, makes sure you're okay with it, and pulls down your pants. He's rough but caring, and will stop whenever you require a break. His dirty talk keeps your mind occupied while he adjusts you to his size and slowly thrusts into you. The longer you go, the faster he gets until you're a babbling mess, not being able to think about anything other than his skilled hands and cock inside of you. Most likely holds your throat, not to choke you, just to feel your pulse and make you slightly dizzy from the pressure. Cumming once isn't enough, you should know better. If you're not loud enough when you cum for the first time, he might get a little upset you're still holding back. "Come on, love. You can do better than that." His aftercare is divine. Makes sure to let you know all he did was for you, helps you in the shower, and most likely – will ask for feedback. He has to know if it was't too much.

[earthnashes]

hey, sorry, but i was wondering how you started on your fitness journey? i'm in a similar spot that you were two years ago and i want so badly to make the progress you have. i keep trying to begin but stopping because i get too scared or nervous, it's so daunting. do you have any good resources like websites/videos/youtube channels/blogs/etc.? i would really appreciate it. you look awesome and your post was super inspiring.

No apologies needed! It is pretty daunting man because it's getting into it for the long run.

Before I finally stuck with it I started and stopped several times in the past as well. If I were to give short tips personally on how to get started based on how I did:

-Start with the most simple thing for you and focus on building a habit out of it. Whatever that is, do it even if you don't want to. For me, I started with a scheduled walk around a trackfield (one full loop around the track) twice a week.

-Take the time to really outline your goals. Make sure to include short term goals and not only long term ones! It helps to say "I'm gonna walk for 5 minutes" and building up to the goal of "I'm gonna walk for 60 minutes", for example. Additional: having something visual can help with tracking it.

-Take it slow, and keep it simple. You're in this for the longhaul. And it will be very slow, but trust the progress and focus on the present

------------------------

As for resources, these are what I used (with some notes if it helps!)

Jeremy Either's Youtube Channel

Great source of information in regards to many things, particularly muscle building. I already had a base understanding of working out due to my sports background, but he's great for complete newbies and for anyone who needs a refresher. I still watch his stuff today but I don't rely on it nearly as much now that I have a better idea of what I'm doing.

Hybrid Calisthenics Youtube Channel

Fantastic channel for complete beginners and for people looking to get into the swing of things again, but at a slower rate. He focuses on being genuinely positive and encouraging finding ways that'll work specifically for you. That includes doing variations of exercises that may be too hard at first, like variations of the pushup, or pullup. Simple routines to get you started without destroying yourself. Very good channel, honestly.

Sean Nalewanyj Youtube Channel

He was the first fella I followed before I found Jeremy. His content is short, punctual, and easy to understand, so if you're looking for much quicker advice without the super detailed explanations his YT Shorts would be recommended. You'll likely have to do a little more research on your own to supplement the knowledge though. Like Jeremy I still watch his content.

Jeff Nippard Youtube Channel

His content is chocked full of research based shit and sometimes can be a tiiiiny bit much to follow, so not really something I'd recommend for beginning lifters. That said, his content in general is downright fascinating and if you're looking for in-depth analysis on the world of bodybuilding, powerlifting, and so on, he's my go-to.

Leanbeefpatty Youtube Channel

Her content is far more vlog-ish, but she gives solid advice while simultaneously just being fun to watch. I like how much more relaxed her stuff is as well, so if you're looking for something that isn't as potentially stressful I'd recommend her over anyone else listed.

Eugene Teo Youtube Channel

I've only just started watching him a couple of months ago but he's been a joy to listen to. His content is relatively chill but he gives indepth explanations without getting too science-y with them. He also promotes things other than fitness that'll help with your goals; stuff like mindful hobbies, healthy food-relation habits (for example: there's no such thing as a good or bad food), so on.

----------------

Other sources I've used to help educate myself the more I got into it include MyFitnessPal (I use it to count my calories and macros), Healthline, countless other youtubes I won't list just so I don't talk your ears off, and asking for tips from fellow gym goers who attend the same gym I do.

I hope these are of some help to you! And keep up the grind; take it one step at a time, and if you need any more advice you think I can help with I'm all ears. I'm rootin' for ya! :)

[evermourning]

𝐛𝐞𝐰𝐢𝐭𝐜𝐡𝐞𝐝 - han jisung

pairing: han jisung x reader (bewitched series pt. 2)

wc: 1.2k

genre: fluff, friends to lovers, mutual pining, comfort, slice of life, based off "bewitched" by laufey

warnings: not proofread, language, pet names (jagi/jagiya, baby), horrifically cliche, no direct pronouns used for reader

a/n: all the love my chan oneshot got is absolutely the sweetest! i'm hoping this one will be on par with it <33

"can you even focus with me here?" you asked, laughing loudly as your best friend stared down the screen, a controller held tightly in his hand. jisung had his arms around you as you sat comfortably between his legs, head on his chest. from your warm and snug position, just by looking up could you see his beautiful side profile. heart-shaped lips in a slight pout, his annoyingly gorgeous face sporting deep hazelnut eyes...god. you hated this feeling.

"of course i can! stay put, okay? i can't win if you're squirming around." he giggles, reaching down slightly to ruffle your hair.

how would he react if he knew?

if only your best friend knew about how you'd lay in bed at the earliest hours...staring off into space when the moon was at its highest point, thinking, wishing, hoping that the boy who'd been your very best friend for fucking years would look at you the way you looked at him.

in your eyes, han jisung was your golden boy, warmth and joy radiating off him whenever he was near you. he was your anchor, the rainbow amidst dark grey clouds.

to him? you were probably his best friend he'd known since you two were gangly little kids eating popsicles on your front porch. there was absolutely no way you were of any romantic interest to him...especially if he'd seen your puberty phase.

"hey...is everything okay? you just went like- dead silent." jisung asked, soft concern flooding his facial features. he looked even cuter- fuck! you wanted to slap yourself, to tell these silly little butterflies in the pit of your stomach to shut the hell up soooo bad. "something bothering you? do i need to beat someone up for you??"

"no, no. i'll be okay. plus, look at you—you couldn't even hurt a fly!" you teased, trying to hide the fact that your face was becoming inexplicably warm.

"that's because they're too small. i always miss them when they're just flying around doing who knows what."

you laughed at his comment, reassuring yourself that even if it wasn't mutual, being with him like this was better than nothing.

"shit, i gotta go- i promised minho i'd practice with him!" jisung mopes. "i'll text you later."

and then he leaned in to whisper to you, lips so close you could've sworn they brushed against your ear:

"keep me in your heart, okay? i know you're really stressed over something you're deciding not to mention to me...remember i'll always be here when you need me the most."

and then he stood up, and walked out the door. leaving you sitting there, absolutely and unmistakeably bewildered.

that was one of the million times where you wanted the words so many desired to hear to simply fall out of your lips, floating on a cloud until they reached him.

and yet, as always, the words melted away on your tongue like a soft early spring snowfall gone too soon.

"i'm going on a date tonight."

as each word resonated in your ears, a tiny piece of you was crushed like fragile china. what if this girl or guy was the one? everything you'd worked so hard for would be thrown away.

"i hope you have a good time. be safe, okay?" you replied quietly, giving him a quick hug. "we can hang out once you get back, and you can tell me if it went shit or if you can tell that this person will be the one."

"well..." jisung says sheepishly. "if you tell me not to, i won't go."

you nodded, not really listening until the words truly reached your brain.

"what?"

"you heard me." jisung said firmly, before promptly walking out into the pouring rain. you yelped, grabbing an umbrella and running after him. as your clothes became increasingly drenched, you grabbed him by his jacket before pulling him in under your umbrella.

"you can't say shit like that," you said, giving him a glare. "you're making me think you're like- in love with me or something."

"that's because i literally am? but you're just so goddamn oblivious you didn't even notice." jisung replied, sighing. your mouth dropped open.

"actually?! you're not just fucking with me, right?"

jisung shook his head. "nope. how have you not noticed that i'm all over you 24/7? the only reason i was going on a date anyways is because i gave up trying. it wasn't like you liked me back or-" when he noticed your expression, all of the pieces fell into place, clicking for him. "oh."

you laughed, dumbfounded.

and then you pulled him in for a genuine first kiss, as the rain pounded against the concrete sidewalk lit by a single dimmed streetlight. time froze as you lost yourself in the moment, sealing your fate.

and just like that, the s in 'bsf' faded away.

...

a numerous amount of texts, all along the lines of: 'babyyyyy, where are u :(' arrived on your phone in quick succession. you laughed to yourself as you received an incoming call from your lovely boyfriend.

"are you on your way home from work, jagiya?" his tired voice mumbled. "and why are you working at this time of day in the first place?"

"money doesn't grow on trees, baby." you snickered. "i'm doing the best i can to make do."

"you poor thing." jisung cooed. "you know i'd lend you absolutely any amount of money if you asked."

"i know, but i'm trying to be independent." you explained. jisung went silent for a second, as if he was planning out his answer.

"i hope you're not suddenly so independent that you're ditching me!" he said, and you could just imagine the pout upon his soft (extremely kissable) lips. "i saw you today, and i already miss you sooooo much. what's going on? you're not even gone."

"i think you're just a tad clingy," you teased. "also, turn around. i brought you lunch."

jisung, standing at the crosswalk, turned around with fucking sparkles in his eyes. he basically squealed as he hugged you tightly, absolutely ecstatic that you were in front of him and not just a voice on a device.

"my beautiful gorgeous booboo bear." he teased as he hugged you, staring at you with the cutest face. he looked like a kid on christmas day.

"if you ever call me that again i'm taking my house key back." you replied.

"hey!"

you smiled as you two sat down on a park bench. thankfully, it was a gorgeously sunny day, with crystal clear skies and a shimmering sun offering its rays to the earth. jisung lazily stretched an arm around your shoulders, pulling you in.

you just wanted to stay in his embrace for all eternity. there was something so alluring about him, this comforting energy. it was like...he was hexing you or something. you giggled at the thought of jisung, standing over a cauldron as he tried to create some villainous brew to keep you by his side.

and yet, the idea didn't seem that far-fetched. he did cast a whimsical spell on your heart, cursing you to fall for him, and fall hard.

maybe he did bewitch you, after all.

and if that was the case, it wasn't so bad.

...

taglist <3: @imastraykidsfan

@evermourning, ©2023. all rights reserved.

[cepheustarot]

What would make you feel better?

Attention! This reading is for entertainment purposes only. You make your own decisions and are responsible for them yourself, so it's up to you to listen to advice or not.

Choose one or more cards. Trust your intuition.

Card 1 Your current state: You are still holding on to some things in the past or you are attached to some people, relationships. These things or people may be dear to you, but they do not bring more joy or other positive emotions into your life. In fact, you are holding on to memories. Also I can say that you in a situation in which you do not see a suitable solution and just patiently wait for the situation to resolve itself. It's like a disclaimer, as if you're shifting the solution to the problem to the universe(?)

What will you help: You need to pull yourself together and solve problems! Deep down you know the right solution, but you can resist because you don't like it, it hurts or you don't want to upset another person, or something like that. In any case, if you don't act now, your condition will worsen and you risk falling into a state of apathy. You can also be helped to make the first step by a person you trust and who gives good advice, he is wise and has a lot of life experience, so try to talk to him. I believe that everything will turn out well for you and you will cope with any adversity.

Card 2. Your current state: As I see it, here you are in a state of affairs where little depends on you and the resolution of the situation depends on another person or smth like this. You are just patiently waiting for the outcome, while you are in such an incomprehensible state when you do not know what to expect. Unpredictability worries you very much and causes severe stress, you are thinking about different ways to resolve the situation, but this does not calm you down, but makes you even more nervous.

What will you help: Since you can't influence the situation in any way, you need to try to calm down and let it go, think less about it and switch to something else. Excessive overthinking will not make you feel better, so you need to focus on taking care of yourself, reduce stress and anxiety. In this case, any things that please or calm you will help you, the main thing is that they distract you from thoughts and do not allow you to plunge back into the previous state. A trip somewhere will help well, it doesn't matter if you go alone or with someone, it will in any case bring new emotions into your life. I believe that you will cope with everything, be kind to yourself.

Card 3. Your current state: you locked ourselves in though and detached from reality, spend more time alone with your thoughts. Obsessive thoughts make you very sad, you don't know how to cope with them and in general you are at a dead end, you don't know how to get out of this state and help yourself. You are also indifferent to many events in your life and can left to chance everything.

What will you help: first, it is important to fight with your thoughts, they need to be challenged. If you have negative obsessive thoughts, for example, you are not succeeding and there is a feeling that you will never succeed, then try to give arguments against them, for example: "I have already been through this and successfully coped, so this time I will succeed" or "I have just started my journey and am gaining experience, mistakes at the beginning are natural, success comes gradually", I understand that my explanation may sound vague, but I hope the meaning is clear. You also need to keep a balance, you feel very sad, but you should try to create moments that will bring joy into your life, whether it's meeting friends or hobbies, any little things that make you happy. This should help you see that there is not only one melancholy around you, and good moments are also present. If necessary, contact a specialist. Be kind to yourself and remember that you can handle everything.

Thank you for reading! I will be glad of any feedback <3

[kedreeva]

Kedreeva, may I ask your opinion on a fic commenting issue?

If a reader leaves a comment on a fic that results in the writer giving up on it, would you automatically think that reader was in the wrong?

Here's why I'm asking. I've been writing a fic for almost a year, but I've been struggling with it for the last month or so. I've lost focus, don't know what I'm doing with it anymore, can't keep the plot on track, no longer feel the joy for it that I used to feel.

This morning, a reader left a comment on the fic saying what I know in my heart. It's wandering off, it's lost focus, it's become long and bloated and isn't going anywhere anymore. I need to learn to edit, to tell a proper story instead of just wittering on and on.

Not gonna lie. The comment made me cry. But at the same time, the reader is absolutely right. Everything they said was true.

Reading the comment gave me the courage to do what I should have done two months ago. I put up a note telling readers I've lost my way with the fic and it's time to move on to other projects. I felt sad, but a little relieved at the same time.

I explained the situation to an online fic buddy, and they were furious at the reader who left the comment, said they had no business saying something like that, and the remarks were completely uncalled for.

But I feel like the reader's honesty made me realize the truth of the situation. The fic has turned into an unfixable mess - I just couldn't acknowledge that until someone said it loudly right to my face.

Was that reader in the wrong? I don't feel they were, but my buddy disagrees. Would love to know what you think.

Your buddy is right that the reader was in the wrong in so far as etiquette goes. Whether or not the reader was correct has no bearing on the etiquette of the situation, which is that (at least on AO3), unsolicited criticism is considered rude to leave.

Compare the context to another situation; if a writer makes a typo and a reader comments to correct the typo, without being asked to do so first, it doesn't matter that the spelling correction is correct. The correctness of the comment has no bearing on the etiquette of giving unsolicited criticism. It's still rude to leave because the author didn't request interference or assistance, and the reader has no idea what effect the comment will have on the author.

Now, that in no way means that you, personally, have to be angry with this particular reader or hurt by their action. If you feel it helped you, then it helped you. Individual writers may have mixed or even positive associations with crit, solicited or not, and that's totally cool. I, myself, am not going to suffer any great consequence if someone criticizes my work (I don't like it, but fuck 'em, it's not going to stop me or anything), but they're still going to get an earful back, because I have seen too many people hurt or leave because some readers can't follow the golden rule, and I don't want to see the more vulnerable people pushed out of my community.

Because the point of the etiquette here IS to protect the vulnerable people in our communities. Fandom in general is FULL of vulnerable people, and fanfiction often exposes soft bits of the author. You may have taken it well enough and resolved a personal issue because of it, but that same type of comment given to someone just starting out or to someone in a delicate/sensitive part of their life (for example, if they are experiencing hardships in real life and writing to escape that for a little while) or just simply writing as a fun hobby... that kind of comment can do a lot of damage. You chose to stop because you already knew you were having problems with the story. Another person may choose to stop not because they want to or because it's a positive step for them, but because their RSD now makes it horrifying to try to write instead of being a happy endeavor. Or a hundred other, negative reasons.

And the reason your friend is likely angry on your behalf is that the reader had no way of knowing whether you would take it well, and did not (as far as I know from what you've said here) make any attempt to inquire with you first as to whether you wanted that kind of advice. It would be different if they had said "hey, i've been reading along, and I was wondering if you'd mind some advice?" first. That at least would have given you an opportunity to talk about it willingly or say "I'm not really in a place where I want/can handle that, but thank you for the offer!" Regardless of outcome, you deserved to have had that option in the first place.

I'm glad that the comment helped you, as an individual. But your friend is also right, in that that type of comment is typically rude and potentially harmful to others. That being said, your friend should also be able to let go of their anger about it if there was no harm done in this instance. There's room for coexistence in this case; I'm sure that you can understand that just because you weren't hurt doesn't mean no one would be, and I'm sure your friend can understand that just because it was rude doesn't mean it was bad for you (specific) this once.

[theshiftingwitch]

Hello ^^

I really want to make a shifting affirmation tape for myself and give it try, it kinda resonates with me and it feels right. I’ve been trying to use LOA to shift to my DR but it has been on and off so that’s why I haven’t managed to get anywhere yet.

I just keep stopping myself with doubts, anxiety and horrible intrusive thoughts, I’m also dealing with depression and with a 3D that I just want to escape from. Sometimes I can feel at ease and think I’m already in my DR but then the 3D hits me and I just start spiraling with doubts and fear throughout the day, specially in the night (‘what if it doesn’t work?’, ‘what if I never shift’, ‘what if it’s a lie?’, ‘what if I’m doing things wrong?’�� and I could go on with so many more examples).

How can I learn to trust and knowing it’ll be okay? Did you ever felt this way? I want to completely surrender because I’m so tired, but I’m scared I’ll stay here forever being unhappy. I’d love to wake up in my DR one day and act as if all of this was only a long bad dream.

If I start listening to tapes for shifting during the night, how can I make sure to not mess up with the process when awake? How can I stop feeling so anxious and trapped in fear?

I know no one can do anything for me but myself, but maybe you have some kind words and advice that could help. Do you have recommendations or something you’d do in my position?

Thank you for taking the time if you answer this, and I’m so sorry for the long ask. Stay healthy and happy. 🥺

If an affirmation tape feels like the right thing to do, you should definitely do it.

I always emphasize the importance of following one's intuition. Whatever feels right, feels good, brings you joy and peace, is what you should be doing at all times.

Having doubts, anxiety, fear, paranoia... Most of us have been through the exact same thing. I know I have. I shifted twice and I still get those nights when I'm convinced I made it all up and my mind is playing tricks on me and I'll never escape. What helps is just letting those thoughts flow in and out. The truth is, nothing and no one can stop you from shifting, not even yourself. People have shifted by complete accident. Anti shifters shifted on their first try when they only wanted to prove that shifting is not real. Imagine that, our biggest opps became a part of the community when all they wanted was to prove we were crazy!

Once you decide that you are a shifter, nothing will derail you from that path. It is inevitable, unavoidable, destined. It is done. Whether it happens this next second or it happens in a couple of years, it will happen regardless. And once you shift, nothing about this 3d reality would even matter anymore. Not how much time you spent trying, not anything that went wrong, not even your cr self would have any say in it anymore.

The best advice I can give you: don't give up. Everything else is noise. You owe it to yourself to see this through. You owe it to yourself to finally accomplish the one thing you've wanted more than anything in the world. You owe it to yourself not to give up on all of your dr selves. They are you.

Methods, subliminals, tapes, saturation sessions, meditation, robotic Affirmations... They are all tools to help you on your way. You don't need them, but if they make you feel better then by all means, use them. But at the end of the day, you only need one thing.

Decide. Stick with that decision. Don't change your mind. Tune out everything that's not working on your favour. You need tunnel vision, everything else besides your goal is a blur. Focus.

You already shifted.

I hope this helps!

Happy shifting ❤️

[midnightechoes]

Back in July, I answered an anonymous ask that was basically trolling and mocking me for believing in the "obvious queerbait" that was sulemio. You can read my full response here.

TL;DR, I decided that I would rather enjoy the things I love than pay attention to online negativity, and I hoped that the asker found something that made them as happy as Sulemio and G-Witch made me.

This came to my mind as I looked back on my 2023, and, it remains one of the most personally important things I posted online in 2023. A lot of the responses I got to it were from people who were impressed that I took the high road. I'm glad I did, but I also recognize that there have been many times when I may not have.

If I answered this ask when I got it, back in January, there's a decent chance I would have been more combative. And if I got it at different points in the last few years, there's a good chance I would have been toxic right back to them.

Deciding to take the route I did wasn't easy. As I was watching season 2 of G-Witch I kept thinking about how I'd respond when the series was finished. I kept thinking about how I'd dunk on them since it seemed so obvious that sulemio was definitely heading toward endgame.

I obviously didn't do that. And I didn't shoot toxicity right back at them.

And that's why that post sticks with me, even as we head into 2024, because it showed me the kind of person I could be, the kind of person I wanted to be. Someone who was more motivated by her joy and happiness than her vitriol.

It's not always easy. It's often very hard. Being joyful and positive isn't always something you can "just be". A lot of times it's a decision you have to make.

I've failed at that a lot of times before and after this post, but I want to continue trying. To be better. To be nicer. To choose to focus my energy on what I love instead of what I hate.

I want to be a better wife. I want to be a better friend. I want to be a better cat mom. There are people in my life that I cherish, and I want to be a light in their life, not a darkness.

So going into 2024, I'm going to keep trying to be that. And I'll likely fail at times, but I'll remember that I can always try again.

Happy 2024 everyone, I love you all.

[suzyq31]

A note to fellow Harmony readers/writers

Hello everyone,

I feel the need to say something about recent events. A post on the Harmony subreddit has given a platform for people to air their grievances about a particular story. This isn’t the first time I’ve seen this happen and have been on the receiving end. And it really sucked. I’ve let myself believe that is part of being in this fandom, having your work ripped apart publicly and regularly.

I would like to ask the moderators of these spaces to please consider changing their stance on this. Adding in a rule that prevents posts like the one mentioned, among others. Again, this really isn’t meant to cast blame on any particular person. There was a comment about how writers need to stop acting like their god's gift to writing or the fandom, and to simply get over negative criticism. I want to clarify I don’t think that I’m special, or that my voice matters because I happen to write fanfic.

I’m no god, but I am a human. One who is dealing with their own pain as best they can. There are real problems that are much larger than fandom. Which makes it all the more difficult when I do choose to escape the horrors, only to find more negativity. I don’t expect the internet to always be a ‘safe space', but I do think fandom spaces can be more focused on positivity.

All of this has made me reevaluate my own role within fandom. I’m giving myself time and grace to make a final decision on how I want to move forward. In the meantime I would encourage anyone who cares about the fandom community to please reach out to the team at HMS Harmony (with kindness, they are also humans with feelings and lives.) If you feel inclined you could ask them to consider adding some caveats on how fics are discussed on public spaces such as Reddit and discord.

On another note, I myself haven’t always been as kind as I would have liked. If I’ve ever said something that’s upset anyone, I’m sorry. I regret some of the ways I’ve shown up in fandom over the years. I’m personally working on my own anger that I wrestle with, in real life and on the internet. Overall I would love to see if we could all think more carefully in how we discuss things, especially people’s creative work.

If you are a reader, there are so many positive ways you can contribute. The number one way is to reach out to those authors whose work you adore, especially those who don’t receive many comments. Tell them what you love about how they write Harry and Hermione, let them know their work matters to you. I promise it will make their day and encourage them to keep going. When you participate in fandom, focus on discussing the stories that make you go hell yes! Make fandom friends, who you can privately talk more in depth about works or what doesn’t work for you in a fanfic. Discord can feel private! But when you have over 5k members it isn’t and discussions that veer into complaining about an author’s choices it can start to come across as a pile up. I know hearing about how my own stories are discussed has left me discouraged.

To quote Albus Dumbledore-"Words are, in my not-so-humble opinion, our most inexhaustible source of magic. Capable of both inflicting injury, and remedying it.” There is collective power in how we engage. I’ve personally adored this pairing since I was a young child. To this day I still remember some of the storylines that I would play over and over in my head. I took solace in the magical world when I was bullied and I spent my lunch hours hiding in the library with my copy of PoA. As an adult I’ve turned to writing fanfic while trying to manage grief and the overwhelm of figuring out this next stage of my life. What has stayed consistent is my love of these characters.

It took me 22 years to start writing down my ideas, and I’ve found a lot of joy in doing so. I know many other writers have to. There really is nothing like getting a story out of your head and onto the page, even better? Getting to share it with others who love those characters too. We should think of ourselves as lucky that there are so many different stories out there to choose from. And that so many people choose to share their creativity with the world. I truly think we have more in common than we may realize, readers/writers/moderators etc.

I’ll leave you with this poem, because I find poetry always expresses things better than I can.

All the best,

Suzy.

[fostercare-expat]

In my never ending search for the best boundaries to maintain my sanity, I think I need to really hold myself accountable for less emotional involvement in this case. I promised myself only indirect communication either Mom and that’s been working well. But I’m hearing about the details of her stupid decisions through the social worker. I’m also getting massively frustrated with the slow pace of getting a new placement for Older Brother. Partially that was because I mentally wanted to keep him out of the temporary placement so I was pushing and pushing for the progress towards the permanent placement. But now I have decided to just name a deadline, which based on the current timeline should allow him to enter permanent placement on 26 July like they are saying he can. If they mess it up, that’s not my fault. I need to stop pushing.

I’m going to meet the social worker tonight, get a dump of information on the case and then ask her to turn off the information switch. Ask her not to contact me unless she needs something or unless she had a confirmed date that Older Brother is moving to temporary or permanent. And we can try to maintain as little info flow as possible. I need her to help me manage my unhealthy addiction to the drama. I think I’m stuck with the cycle of the adrenaline rush of being angry, which sends me into a rant-to-everyone stage, and then the exhaustion stage and then I get riled up again.

Maybe I need to even ask the social worker to not give me an update about the case tonight. Maybe we just focus on the many outstanding issues about the kids services. But like any true addict, I’m like “Give me one more hit and then I’ll quit.” So I’m going to continue with foster care as my drug of choice today and then I’m going to do a 3 month foster care rehab starting tomorrow morning (I swear). I will only the bare minimum interaction with the social worker. No pushing for the stipend (but I will take a meeting if they finally arrange one). I will withdraw my request to meet Mom and the social worker together to better understand what Mom wants from the future. (I need to live in the present for now.) I will only supervise calls between the kids and mom and basic logistics, no more supervising visits with Mom. No involvement in Older Brother’s case at all, will let the other foster mom handle that.

I will continue to focus on being the best foster parent to Younger Brother that I can. I will continue to advocate for services for him as needed. I will continue to fill him with love and joy and care. I will continue to say positive things about his mom to him. I will do my best to manage my own mental sanity and keep my performance at work at an adequate level so hopefully he can live with me for as long as needed. And if I have the mental energy, I will also do a few overnights or activities with his siblings so I can keep a connection with all the kids and help support their bonds.

I don’t think this is the best situation for the 4 kids and I’m guessing it will delay the timeline of the hopeful reunification because I won’t be pushing for it. But I think I need to try this path for 3 months and see if that helps. Because if I continue as is, I know I will burn out and end up needing to disrupt Younger Brother’s placement. And I think that will be worse for everyone. So let’s at least give the contribution I am capable of giving instead of ending up giving nothing.

[szampers]

very nice to see an active szpd-focused blog that is not...for lack of a better term...Edgy. many schizoid blogs i've come across really play up the whole "void" aesthetic+while i'm sure it's true+meaningful for them, i don't relate to it+am not interested in the theatrics of it at all. you're doing good work by creating a space dedicated to exploring+discussing szpd+related concepts without the pervasive nihilistic trappings that have turned me off from most others. i want to discuss living with szpd, not surrendering to it! salute o7

(feel free not to answer this publicly/at all if it comes off as needlessly dismissive to that genre of blog. i can't tell if i'm being "mean," and i can't not mention it, because not mentioning it would entirely miss what i appreciate so much about this blog)

Hi I'll use this ask as an opportunity to tell a bit more about this blog and other stuff !!

I run this blog partly for the sake of others. Anything I share here is not only done as a way to voice my thoughts, but also in hopes that someone would find something they can relate to, or even comfort as i have after discovering there are people dealing with Very Similar Situations which i know as The Szpd. for the longest time i never had any points of comparison for myself while knowing the average person likely wouldn’t impose total isolation and a chronic vow of silence on themselves among other average person things. It was a state of knowing something was off but never being able to put a finger on what exactly. I felt szpd was already as hidden as it is so I figured someone has to try and keep the awareness going. This way I'm also putting all these thoughts to good use.

Your ask pretty much validates the reason why I created this blog!! thank you it means a lot to read this.

And whether someone chooses to focus more negatively or positively on szpd, they’re all valid! Since szpd isn’t known for its pretty sides as with all other pd’s and conditions, that does make it very easy to be fixated on the nasty parts, especially if all it does is making your life miserable. if this has brought me any kind of joy then I wouldn't notice. I'd say the main danger is the risk of being consumed by the misery and getting trapped in a vicious circle.

But yeah. it would be very, very strange if you were to think positively of things like this. I suppose it's one way to tell if you're somehow faking it. The realistic thing to do is to come to good terms with it. Hard, but possible enough.

I have seen another post calling out the focus mainly placed on negativity which I've yet to reblog. They phrased it really well in a blunt way, it's arguably one of the most motivating szpd post I've read. Being trapped in narrow sighted ways of thinking isn't something I want even though nothing about this is easy. This is why I consciously try not to let my writing become full blown complaints or be saturated with pain and misery, while it's very easy to indulge myself into such things. I keep in mind to make my writing productive in some way or another. I'm pretty awful at this in my own journal but it works much better if people could be reading!! being held accountable this way which is pretty cool.

[black-arcana]

Ex-DELAIN Singer CHARLOTTE WESSELS Explores 'Heavier Sound' On Upcoming Solo Album

Charismatic Dutch singer/songwriter Charlotte Wessels is set to release her new studio album on September 20, 2024 via Napalm Records. The LP's first single, "The Exorcism", will arrive on May 16, 2024.

Wessels's album promises a cohesive exploration of fear and liberation, as well as spellbinding melancholia and dark, catchy elements meeting progressive and heavier soundscapes. Charlotte and her band will bring this story to the stage on October 4, 2024 at Utrecht's TivoliVredenburg.

The former DELAIN vocalist's earlier solo endeavors, "Tales From Six Feet Under" (2021) and "Tales From Six Feet Under Vol II" (2022) already gained Wessels a remarkable number of devotees, but for the upcoming release, Wessels is raising the bar significantly. While still writing and producing the songs in her Six Feet Under basement home studio and sharing their first incarnations with her patrons, now she's taking the songs to the next level with a band of her fellow ex-DELAIN cohorts Timo Somers (guitars, additional arrangements),Otto Schimmelpenninck Van Der Oije (bass) and Joey Marin De Boer (drums) as well as Sophia Vernikov (piano/hammond),contributing to the new, heavier sound. The album also features arrangements by Vikram Shankar (SILENT SKIES, PAIN OF SALVATION),cello by Elianne Anemaat, mixing by Guido Aalbers (MUSE, COLDPLAY, THE GATHERING) and mastering by Andy VanDette (PORCUPINE TREE, VOLA, DREAM THEATER).

Wessels states: "This album is significant, for on the one hand, telling such a deeply personal journey — through its unintended theme of fear and obsessive thoughts — and at the same time, representing the joy of finding the song's true forms with everyone involved in the making of this record. There were moments in the studio with the band that truly reminded me of why I love making music in the first place, and I don't think I've ever been as excited about music going out into the world. This is the album I want to re-introduce myself with, and I'm so glad to do it with this amazing team."

In a 2022 interview with Spain's The Metal Circus TV, Wessels was asked how she feels about the fact that DELAIN made a comeback with a new lineup. A short time earlier, DELAIN released a single, "The Quest And The Curse", featuring keyboardist, founder and main songwriter Martijn Westerholt alongside new singer Diana Leah, original guitarist Ronald Landa and original drummer Sander Zoer, plus bassist Ludovico Cioffi. Charlotte said: "I'm trying not to engage with it too much, honestly. I've seen positive responses about it, which I think is good. But I do try to keep some distance and just focus on what I'm doing rather than checking that out, because I still don't feel like that will make me happier per se."

In February 2021, Westerholt announced the dissolution of DELAIN's previous lineup. At the time, he explained: "For the last year or so, the collaboration within the band ceased to work as well as it once had. Some of us were no longer happy with the current roles in the band. We all tried very hard to find a solution for over a year, but sadly we were unable to find one. As a result, we will all be going our own ways and pursuing our own endeavors.

"I am very sad our cooperation has come to end, but at the same time I am very grateful for all the years we were able to work together. Together we toured the world, shared highs and lows, and met with many successes as well as times that pushed us to learn and grow. We all enjoyed meeting our fans and making new friends all over the globe."

At the time, Wessels said about her departure: "I know that you might have questions about the 'why' in all of this. I fully understand and respect that. Simply put, it is the sad conclusion of more than a year of trying to find solutions to built-up grievances. Part of me feels like I'm letting all of you down, I'd like you to know that this decision was not taken lightly and I apologize to those of you who had high hopes of seeing all of us together live on stage again after lockdown. Until recently, I thought this might still be in the cards for us as well."

The new DELAIN lineup made its official live debut in August 2022 at the Riverside festival in Aarburg, Switzerland.

Photo credit: Tim Tronckoe

[cowboyjen68]

Life has been sort of a whirlwind since October. In all truth, since last October (of 2021) when I found myself single but still very much in love. Loosing her (the intimacy, not our friendship which we still very much have, thank fully) was a smack back to reality and the things I have been putting off changing in both my life and my living environment.

My teen is getting taller andd smarter every day as she heads into the end of her junior year. At once I worry about her and don't. She is independent and kind but still a teen with a teen brain. I trust her and try to balance that with not trusting her with too much. "No" is still a complete sentence in this house unless she is in negotiation mode then I have to expend the energy to explain things in a productive manner. AND I am not always right in my "no" so I have to be willing to occasionally back down without her thinking that she can always get her way by pushing back.

I have three plus jobs to keep the house and land I love and care for the animals I committed to from when I was married. A few have passed of age and sickness and it gives me some feelings of guilt to be somewhat relieved because less animals means less work and expense for me. I try and remember it also means more recources to care for my current pets. I have more time and money to improve the house and the land.

At 54 i am looking towards the long term. Somethings I can easily deal with now might be more difficult in the future. I see my older relatives, my older lesbians mentors, my friends who are MY age begin to stuggle with health, energy and Just STUFF that we all accumulate. I need to get rid of some stuff. I know my kids won't want 90 percent of what I own. Some of my young lesbian friends are now proud owners of early Fest T shirts and Star Wars lunch boxes. This clearing out will continue.

My writing has taken a back seat to manual labor, paying off and keeping up with debt and bills and planning ahead. I dislike this part. I miss keeping up with Tumblr asks and penning meaningful articles for small publications or for fun. I love writing cards and letters on vintage stationary and old cards but those too are being neglected, their boxes gathering dust and cat hair on my desk.

My house payment went up, my water heater was frozen to death in the Christmas blizzard, propane is always needing paid off , my subpump system is in dire need of maintainance before spring rains and now my cat has a runny eye. It is true what they say: When it rains in pours and if it isn't one thing it is another. Money doesn't grow on trees. And nothing breaks during the work week.

I love my land and I love my family and my life and pets. I am so lucky to have supportive friends in my life. My interactions on the internet and social media are generally kind and positive. Being a lesbian affords me a wonderful and easy connection with other women that brings me great joy. It is that connection that insprires me to share my stories and thoughts and to strenghten relationships with other generations and my own. It is my passion to instill hope for a happy future in lesbians and bi women who want build a life with and love other other women.

There are many things I want to do in 2023. Some I will accomplish, others I will not. Some are priorities and some are not. It is deciding which ones will yield the most benefit for my future health and security in the long run that I need to figure out. I also want to continue to focus on what I can do to bring about the most good help other lesbians realize their full potiential and feel comfortable and understand they are ok and wonderful just as they are because that is what feeds my happiness. I want to continue to help lesbians find cross generational community.

And probably cut back on the frosted cookies, at least until next November.