#I try not to beat up myself about it
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POV autistic adult trying to allow themself to enjoy their special interests
#neo#webcomic#comic#autistic#autistic artist#after years of bullying#im trying to just fuckin enjoy stuff lol#even when im all alone i'll beat myself up about things i like or seeking content that im currently obsessed with#trying to break that cycle in HALF
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uh oh guys, hot take alert:
i think revali may have invented hand held aerial archery HEAR ME OUT- (this is a long one boys)
okay. evidence one: why the fuck would a rito shoot like that. like, it makes nearly zero sense, it would be such a hindrance to their flight and their main stake is that they can be higher than you can shoot whilst still pinging you... which revali has overcome with his gale
evidence two: tulin and the concept arts. obviously rito style archery would be held in their talons. before totk came out idk if anyone had really thought about it too much, but the developers had, as you can see in concept art (from the creating a champion book). and like, its logical, powerful, and allows for peak maneuverability. also, when in flight revali (and teba) holds his bow in his talons before switching to his wings. surely its easier to keep it in your wing (obvi ignoring the effects to flight but hes doing that anyway firing the damn thing) rather than switch back and forth- unless you were taught that way, because why would you hold it elsewhere, you need it in your talons to shoot.
evidence three: we dont see any other rito do it (...kind of). throughout botw and totk, we never see another rito flying with a bow in their hands. in totk, its mostly tulin, who holds it in his talons, but in botw the big one is teba. during the medoh quest, he actually gives *link* his bow, and therefore does no shooting in the sky. teba and harth had both tried to take on medoh before, but we never see this, and while they holds their bows in their hands *on the ground,* we dont see it.
...except for aoc (uh, spoilers?). there are two times we see a rito other than revali hold their bow in their hand for aerial archery. but it is not with any rito soldiers, either during cutscenes (the bows are only on their backs) or gameplay (they swoop down, and then hand hold bows on ground. they arent seen flying at all but thats prolly for the same reasons as botw: its very hard to code that (and so they write the lore around that fact)). the first time we actually see another rito do this, we dont see it. Its teba, as he comes thru the portal, but all we see is the arrow shot, and then him freeze frame with the bow in one wing. we dont see the bow in his hand for the rest of the fight. the second time we actually see him fighting like this, it *is* in the air, but its noticeably different to revali.
hes a lot slower, it clearly takes a LOT more effort to shoot the bow, and he only pulls off one arrow at a time. its canon that revalis bow is heavier/harder to draw, and he manages to effortlessly stream arrows whilst fucking floating midair. i think teba, forever a revali fanboy, heard of how the champion mastered his own style of archery and sought to teach himself, but lacked one key thing: revalis mastery of wind.
evidence three point five: revali could easily use his powers to hold him in the air longer/slow his descent long enough for him to fire his shots. it makes sense, really. if he can use his gale to propel him, he can sit on the updraft for a hot sec, or even curve the path to carry him along while he lines up the shot. this would mean he wouldnt need to flap as much as other rito, who would obviously need to keep flying
evidence four: revalis fighting style and his needs. revali works with non rito, obviously. he needs to be able to communicate with them on the battlefield, and they wont understand the muffled chirps if he holds his string in his beak, so he needs his mouth free to speak hylian. also, revalis main tactic is fly up with gale, shoot, fall, either shoot more or use velocity and weight to knock around opponents, and then fly back up. he often needs both feet planted firmly on the ground to get a good hold of his gale, something that is harder to do if you have a bow in the way.
also, take for example the kick he delivers link in their fight (aoc). that would possibly damage the bow, or give the opponent a chance to grab his weapon, if he held it in his talons. and to switch from feet to back is a risky maneuver during freefall, and could lose precious seconds, and then when you get back in the air you need to get it off your back again. its much easier to keep the bow loosely in your wing the whole time, meaning your free to attack melee, land and rise all while not wasting a single moment getting your next shot lined up.
so yeah, i think the rito used the talon grip for aerial archery, and would often use the hand held method on the ground for a variety of reasons (more powerful shots?, easier in some situations like hunting), but revali was perhaps the first to use hand held aerial, another reason he was one of the greatest archers ever.
#you cant fly and i cant hold a bow in my wings midair so this is the perfect middleground to#fight each other on but jokes on you i literally invented new archery to beat this flaw and im going to kick ur ass and/or teach it to you#its late rn i hope this makes sense#also from a revalink perspective its giving#idk i might go back through this in the morning and clean it up but probably not i have never done that before i always forget about it#this came to me as i was talking to myself trying to justify WHY ON EARTH rito would shoot like that when i went#“wait. have we even seen other rito do that.” and the answer was basically not it was only one other guy#important to note that 1- those two times we see teba do it hes on vah medoh which has A LOT of updrafts and wind which would make it easie#and 2- his moveset is all very close to the ground and often doesnt involve a lot of actual flying so im choosing to be selective about it#god DAYUM i love thinking about these birds#revali#teba#harth#tulin#rito#botw#totk#aoc#loz#archery stuff#hoping a certain moot sees this and gives their opinions bc i know they know archery stuff#moss' madness
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Some more of that Chai joins Vandelay for half a day AU. Or just a picture of a kinda OOC Kale chilling if you wanna gloss over those comics. I'm still not sure if the colours are too garish or not.
These were mostly done with the premise of treating Kale's office like the hideout. I also really like how mundane, or familiar, the interactions between Chai and Kale can be in the game so I wanted to draw some stuff exploring more like that. But also, there's the ulterior motive of shipping so I included an out of context scene because I can't bother drawing the rest of it (though it seems like a huge jump in their relationship as a result. I think they're so big headed that they get stuck in a feedback loop of stroking the other's ego if an excuse comes up to do so)
#hi-fi rush#hi fi rush#hfr#kale x chai#kale vandelay#hi fi rush chai#hi fi rush korsica#i didnt spend any time finding a ref for kale's shoe sole so i made something up#besides that though i owe my life to all the uploaders of reference pics and interesting details in the game#sorry about the korsica comic i probably had no choice but to cram all those words into one panel. also i like the typo on that webpage#i gave myself an arbitrary deadline of the end of last month but found the pages to be too messy so i spent an extra week on them#whether that helped or not no one will ever know. i have to work on other things so im putting a hard cutoff now#i wonder if my want to draw perspective stuff freehand is a case of fearing what my limits may be or if its just a fear of the line tool#i adore that this game lets you add more to the music through your inputs (dashing on the beat etc)#just like the games i have thoroughly enjoyed from tetsuya mizuguchi#i seem to have too much time on my hands#thinking up scenarios is quick and easy to do while carrying on with the day to day#its when the brain decides you need to try to draw them that the problems occur#'tis mine
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i got a 97% on the exam to skip the class i'm in/instantly get the credit for it so uh. Yeah i guess i passed that entire class in a 20 minute exam. Cool
#kiki was here#kiki.txt#my gifted kid syndrome ass is struggling real bad w not beating myself up about missing two questions#one i genuinely didnt know the other i got confused about wording#im gonna start biting people im trying so hard to be proud of myself lol
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The gang’s all here!! They’re on the case!! And there’s no ghost that they wouldn’t chase!!!!!
@mysticalcats’s Foxglove, @toki-toro’s Chaumet, @emimii’s Clownaire, and my own Bluebelle :)
#this was indeed the project I was working on lmao#WHY DID THIS TAKE 17 BILLION YEARSSSSSS#I actually rly like how the actual paint turned out#ESPECIALLY FOR FOXGLOVE SQUEEEEE#he looks so cute….and I got all the colors mixed for Chaumet#watercolor oc painting: 1#back paint neck pain headache pain: 0#no but sketching this took such! a long! time!#I just straight up could not get foxglove and bluebelle right it was maddening#but I persisted and I beat the odds‼️‼️ Yipee‼️‼️#I love all of these guys so so so much I’ll prolly never stop thinking about them#please never stop talking about your ocs ever#and I am working on being coherent about Bluebelle as we speak!!!!#I got an idea and now I’m trying to make my brain not be mean about it#literally just chanting to myself ‘YOU! CAN MAKE! IT AS WEIRD!! AS! YOU WANT!!!’#shoutout to my fairytales throughout that ages book for inspiring me#100 points and a drawing of your choice if you can figure out the story Bluebelle’s backstory is based on lmao#ANYHOW#I just be rambling in these tags I perhaps need to calm down lol#I LOVE YALLS OCS FOREVER AND EVER!!!!#clownaire was literally perfect from the start I NAILED his pose first try and then he was very supportive the rest of the way through#live laugh love 🫶🫶🫶💐💐💐🩰🩰🩰#next up: Jemima painting!! with two special guests!!!#oh shit those are a lot of tags uhhhh I’m done now i promise 🫶🫶#cats the musical#cats musical#cats oc#jellicle oc#sorah’s silly scribbles#(also the text right under the drawing are a Scooby doo song LMAO it’s called Dig It Scooby Doo it’s insanely catchy)
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depression is really weird actually wdym i spent 2.5 years of my life in bed
#and wdym that lifestyle changed so quickly into being out and about and an active member of the world??#very proud of myself#and i mean it wasn't that quick of a change#it was like 1.5 years primarily depression bedrotting with occasional school -> primarily depression bedrotting ->#primarily depression bedrotting with 3-9 hours of work weekly -> straight into 31+ hours school+9-12 hours work weekly#so there was somewhat of a gradual progression#but still#also wowza i wake up 7-7:30am every morning now. 1pm was an early wake up for a not so insignificant amount of time#i mean of all fundamental growth years to miss out on the ages like what 12/13-15 aren't too bad? they would suck in a different way if i#had been socially involved#anyway it's just. yea i'm proud of myself but it is a crazy lifestyle change#and even when i was deeply depressed in a horrible routine i feel like i learned a lot. how to regulate my emotions and cope well and find#the joy in everything. bc if i stayed in bed all day then i would at least be happy about the sun or whatever#and for the while of being not at school at all i WANTED to be at school i just could not find one bc our school system is so cute like tha#(basically every school is at capacity and the local school that has a guaranteed place for me would have been an all boys or girls 😭)#but i miraculously found and got into this school and miraculously made it work so well for me socially and now academically#it's also a good time to get back into school for my education bc any later and it woulda been pretty bad for all my certifications and uni#ive missed out on so much maths that its not worth it to me to try and catch up but my teacher knows that#but ive always hated maths regardless i only ever understood it for the first half of yr 7 then my attendance dropped#and after my recent exam i decided to try harder at school. but i still got an A on the exam i didn't study for!! academic weapon fr#i'm just idk thinking back to myself in the past few years#and how hopeless it all felt. but i got out of it!! i beat the depression and social anxiety and found a good place and made the most of it#and during the peak of my depression i remember i went out someplace near my old school and panicked so so badly about seeing#kids from my old school. and the friends at the time didnt really check on me when i went to shake and cry in a side street lmao#i kept the best of that friendgroup and have better friends now. but anyway now i take a bus each morning with some kids from my old school#and you see these hands? they look like they're shaking to you?#anyway yeah it's just cool i got to this point :) i really had no hope for so long but now i have a life i'm living and a future i'm build#--ing towards#which is funny i just decided some random day last november after watching some better call saul 'huh actually lawyer would b pretty cool'#and will i get there? we'll see but i do have hope now
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Hello, I've been reading your spideypool fics for a long time and it's been a year since you write one, I'm not sure if you get this kind of words enough but I still wanna say it, honestly jillian you're the best spideypool author I ever meet, I fall inlove with the way you write both peter and wade inside or outside their vigilante/anti-superhero identity.
The way you make their relationship and slowly building up their tension is so satisfying, I couldn't get enough and you set my fics standard high too, I can't find anyone that could capture their dynamic as good as you and I alwayd reread everything you write. If i could I would like to make them as physical books but I can't cuz money (and my parent would ask what kind of book is that and eh..) Anyway, I hope you're alright with your personal stuff and live is doing great for you. I miss you and your writing.
Sincerely,
your fans
wow!!!! i'm so touched by this sweet message, i really can't thank you enough! 🥺 i'm so glad you enjoy my spideypool and my writing!!!
i've definitely been facing some writer's block in the last year, which is annoying and really frustrating at times. at the same time, my life has gotten a lot busier in a lot of really fun ways, like with new friends and hobbies and a relationship. i would love love love to get back to writing spideypool in the future! but at this point, it mostly feels like i have to wait for inspiration to strike. every time i sit down and force myself to try to write spideypool (or pretty much anything recently), i don't manage to get very far and just end up frustrating myself even more. so!!! here's hoping that the writing worm works its way back into my brain sometime soon. but in the meantime, i'm having a lot of fun and happiness and growth and love in my life :)
#trying not to beat myself up about how hard it's been to write recently#i miss it a lot#but trying to force it to happen feels so frustrating and unnatural#really weird bc i never used to feel this way
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Of my 2% capacity to be attracted to anyone, my type is like 90% women, 5% pretty men and 5% men you would swear are super fucking manly, and never questioned being straight and cis, but are now suddenly *stressed* that they can't figure out why their attraction to me [fully socially interpreted as a woman and labelled that way up until relatively recently] feels incredibly fucking gay
#you are a straight man correct? Yes. Attracted to someone you view as a woman correct? Yes... But you are afraid that makes you gay?#Afraid is a strong word but also stop asking stupid questions#The end result is I tend to date a lot of men who either then realize they are women or bi or gay and I am there when they are taking out#the messiest parts of that on whoever they are with at the time#and on one hand it means I created a space that made them feel safe enough to self examine#but on the other hand I'm their last stop when the fallout hits#OR they just realize they find the expectations put on them for masculinity to be really oppressive even negligent or abusive#I would say I need to adjust my strategy and stop trying to 'woo' men the same way I don't actually -flirt- with women#but I have already solved this problem by refusing to date ever again#The retrospective is funny though#The problem is I am attracted to men in a gay way and to women in a gay way but no one tells you the consequence of that and looking#like a pretty butch is that it really confuses the straight guys#Like why is this guy who's usually hmmm... as dom and masc as you would imagine suddenly in my lap and red and having entire feelings#about the way I am holding his hip? He doesn't knoww either and he's really pressed about it#And that thing messy lesbians do where they act jealous of you and also like they want to fuck you at the same time that looks like a red#flag from hell? Imagine dragging that out of unsuspecting straight guys -menTM-#They don't know why they are acting like that around me either but it's going to go one of two ways#either it will seem overtly threatening and aggressive to everyone involved including themselves or they'll have enough social sense#and tact to be playful about it but still not be sure if they are flirting or whether they like me at all#I have patience for one of those and unfortunately[?] it's the guy who's in my lap looks like he's being tortured and can't find his footin#not the guy telling me how much he's going to beat my ass at some game and I am going to like it or some macho bullshit#And I will be oblivious for the first 50% of it#because if there are gods they are cruel#He never realized he's actually the little spoon be nice and give him a minute#He can't tell me he likes me if he doesn't know he likes me but I opened a jar for him and asked him about his feelings and now he's warm#I actually ended up never dating many women at all because of weird lesbian mixed signals and things#At least not while they were women#I don't flirt or make friends I just decide that people are mine and start taking care of them [while respecting their autonomy and shit]#and I am starting to think this is how I make problems for myself#yes I am playing 5-d chess with gender and am now a he/they but it is not what it is cracked up to be
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currently repeating "you are under no obligation to be good at the things you do for fun" to myself over and over
#this is in relation to dnd lol#i was trying out a new group and the dm seemed nice enough#and ive been interested in playing bards for a while so i said i might play one#and he went hard on ''oh you're the face you're the face'' and im like what if i just like the concept and don't want to be the face#is that ok my guy#and then i got scared out of playing a bard because im like oh well sometimes i just dont know what to say in a situation#and i just listen to other people talk so clearly i cant play a bard#but i was watching a dnd youtuber and she was talking about shy roleplayers and she gave some good advice but also ultimately said#you're under no obligation to be good at what you do for fun#and honestly? so true#anyway im not playing in that campaign because i think that while the guy was nice#his expectations were like. critical role levels and its like buddy im just here for a good time im not entertaining the masses lol#im having a hard enough time not beating myself up over my regular campaign all the time for no good reason lol lets not add onto it#lol anyway today i made myself a little eladrin bard who loves painting with her magic paint brush#and she sits next to my changeling warlock as characters i will play eventually#personal
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again and again i find myself lamenting that audio roleplay isn't taken more seriously by some people. like yeah, they often have a romantic element, and by nature they usually directly involve/address the listener- and i totally get that those things aren't to everyone's taste. no art or entertainment is universally appealing, and that's okay! but.. it still makes me a lil sad that the "cringe" reputation of asmr/audio rp precedes it. there's a whole lot of talent and creativity being poured into these audios by so many people that i feel goes unrecognized and/or disrespected simply due to the medium that the stories are being told through.
#this post brought to you by: me bingeing Sam & Darlin's entire storyline over the past few days and having a Lot of feelings abt it#asmr#audio roleplay#rp audio stuff#redacted audio#anyways i don't have a conclusion to this post. and i'm not Mad or Upset or anything i'm just thinkin' out loud#and i mean it's not like it doesn't get plenty of praise within its respective audience bc it does. at least for the more popular creators#but i feel it'll still always have the shadow of its cringe reputation looming over it#which makes it hard for some ppl to openly appreciate or share with others that aren't already fans of the medium#like do u know how many comments i've seen along the lines of 'this is great but i'd die if anyone knew i liked this kinda stuff' ?? :(#idk maybe i feel strongly about it bc i'm a self-insert fanfic writer. and i feel like the two have a lot in common. including a bad rep.#like. not every audio will be well-written or produced and neither will every fanfic. but that doesn't mean it's a less legitimate artform#and i'm lucky to have never (yet) received negative comments on my work. but that doesn't mean that it doesn't make me sigh when people-#-say shit like 'this reads like fanfiction' as a way of calling something bad. or other similar sentiments that make the same implication#and i wouldn't be surprised if audio creators feel the same way when they encounter certain comments or statements#like. those YT videos where ppl will 'try bf asmr for the first time' or whatever and it's just 20 mins of cringing and over-reacting? eugh#tbf i haven't watched many bc why do that to myself. so Maybe there's some that are respectful but still. imagine getting roasted like that#and yes yes i know that by posting stuff online you're inadvertently sighing up to be criticized by Anyone but still. man. i dunno#i'm going on a tangent but my point is. i'm grateful for the creators that still make their art in spite of the public's perception of it#bc some of the most impactful emotional experiences i've ever gained from fiction took place in audio rp and i'm so serious abt that.#anyways. this post almost feels like i'm 'making up a person to be mad at' but i promise it's not that serious i'm just yapping. mostly.#certainly not trying to start any kind of debate or anything either i just have a lot of fixation-induced energy and nowhere to put it#this is Eric's fault (/lh) for cooking Sam up in a lab catered exactly to my taste and making Darlin' waaaaay too painfully relatable#but it's also My fault for bingeing the Inversion /and/ the Quinn arc /and/ the Summit all within a couple days. but i can't help myself#feels like i've run an emotional marathon. triathlon. The Emotional Olympics if u will. i'm feeling Everything#who knew that beating the shit out of ur fictional abuser could feel so goddamn cathartic! it's a nice replacement when u can't do it irl#anyways i'm off on a tangent again. thanks for coming to my TED Talk i'm gonna crawl back in my hole now#actually i'm gonna go relisten to a few audios. as Research for my Sam & Darlin' playlist as well as a post i'll be making about it soon#u Know i've got it bad when i not only make a playlist but start Posting on here about the songs that remind me of them. i'm cooked guys.
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idk i just love seeing him smile
#guess who's been *art blocked*#it's me and i'm beating the block back with a stick so i only have this wip to offer for now#kvthms are my beloved muses so ofc i resorted to drawing kvh#i will think about them all the time and not get tired of it#i've not been exploring w/ them bc WL9 enemies got hands but i've certainly been imagining what they'd be up to on their travels#in other news i've been meeting a lot of skilled artists and i'm having fun learning from them!#i am trying. to learn from their art hahaha#we will see if i can implement those observations in this piece#and cse is soon too yay!!#much to look forward to so i'm trying to take care of myself so things go well and i can enjoy to the fullest
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TOON ME! (A) & (B) | mun vs. muse
practically snatched from @caelcstis
mun | minsung mrithun | nao (in the angel verse) yongsun | ubon
#misc; dash games#misc; ooc#insp; minsung#insp; mrithun#insp; nao#insp; yongsun#insp; ubon#//minsung showing his forehead crazy for an ex emo kid i know#//none of the tattoo options really give me minsung vibes so i just ended up picking the snake#//since he does have one snake tattoo on his finger and he does have some tattoos meant to cover some of his scars#//and since sees him as the golden retriever bf - puppy ears idc if it's accurate or not#//let's say the cat hair pin on mrithun was put there by raphael haha#//he's giving raph the plushie right as we speak as his apology for kidnapping him for their wedding cjfvfhvf#//nao: the bird's trying to censor me smh💀 i should just fall what's even the point anymore imma cut the my only wing remaining myself too#//nao's never beating the nightmare fuel allegations no wonder they've got no friends😔#//when the demon looks more non-threatening than what should be an angel#//i think nao's eyes would be like that especially when they're mad or when they're like in that static-y state we talked about#//also maiden yongsun for the freaks#//for ubon i wanted to kind of recreate the look of her fc from the super lady mv she looks just so cool#//okay that's all i wanted to say i think
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casey also talks about sepang 2015 what do you think of that
oh in that podcast? uh... lemme listen again...
yeah idk it's not really anything new I'd say? he's said basically all the same stuff in more interesting and extensive ways elsewhere. I think casey inevitably has a very 'well feuding is bad and helps nobody' point of view, has expressed that before in the past, does it here again, and he's also drawn a parallel between himself and marc on several occasions. which... well, of course there's similarities in terms of public discourse or whatever, but the parallel really falls apart whenever casey argues the feuds cost valentino. like, I do think it's sometimes important to just. keep in mind. it's interesting that casey draws this comparison in his mind but that doesn't necessarily means he's right about this. I'm not sure how you'd argue that starting a feud with casey cost valentino anything competitively? you can argue it didn't help him I guess, and then we can have a debate about the ins and outs of the 2008 season. we can also have an argument that in a hypothetical world where casey isn't ill in 2009, valentino doesn't break his leg and casey isn't on a piece of junk in 2010, and valentino isn't on a piece of junk in 2011-12, then actually maybe valentino sparking open animosity with casey COULD have cost him. but we don't know that! didn't happen! I wish we could have found out, but we never got the chance! as it stands, the tally on this is pretty straightforward: casey won the title when things were reasonably civil between them in 2007, and valentino took control of the following season at the exact moment he worsened the relationship between the pair of them in 2008. obviously, it's all more complicated than that and casey would of course argue laguna didn't negatively affect his subsequent performances... but it certainly didn't help them. like, at the very worst valentino escalating tensions in 2008 is a complete net neutral. after 2009, them being bitchy to each other every other tuesday was completely competitively irrelevant beyond maybe affecting how they approached occasionally fighting for a podium position. hey, maybe casey used that feud to fire himself up through sheer spite throughout the later stages of his career, but that doesn't actually support his anti-feud stance - it's basically the exact same thing as what valentino does. they're both quite similar in that regard! always so hungry to prove a point, to show how someone else is wrong. kinda half the point with this feuding business is to get yourself going, get yourself motivated, yeah. he straight up openly admits to using yamaha's repeat rejection of him as a way of giving himself motivation, and at the end of the day that's really not all that different?
anyway, what else does casey say... oh yeah, that him and the other aliens were already kinda prepared for this and had learned vale's tricks. that valentino had only been able to get into the minds of the previous generation. welllllll *wiggles hand* sure, I mean, he did clearly have to change his approach... he couldn't just use the exact same playbook to get to them, either on-track or off-track. but that's why he did change up the playbook... again, whether you want to believe valentino won his final two titles 'in the head' rather than just through pure pace kinda depends on how you assess the evidence, but it is at the very least a debate. and, y'know, it's always worth remembering that valentino's most important mind games with casey didn't happen in a press conference... it was on the track. and the on-track stuff really is just embedded in how valentino approaches winning. speaking of aliens, this is what dani and jorge have said:
like, valentino's entire approach to his riding, even to the way he's setting his bike up, is deliberately about directly fucking with you... he's not actually always trying to be faster than you as much as he's trying to give himself the tools to make your life miserable, to pressure you into mistakes, etc etc... and again, especially with casey (if anything because he was so mentally sturdy), the off-track stuff was really just window dressing. (I know they bicker a lot after 2009 but it's just so fundamentally irrelevant to actual on-track competition.) so you can be aware of those tricks, but it also doesn't necessarily help you when someone's being nasty to you on-track in a way you just fully do not enjoy. which is what it was like for casey! for casey, a lot of this comes back to the truly unpleasant context of how he was perceived by the public, how he was treated as mentally weak or 'broken' or whatever partly because he had the misfortune of coming up against a bloke who had the reputation for breaking rivals. I think it's quite natural to end up with a bit of a hardliner 'actually I've never been mentally affected by a result in my life' stance - and of course casey is a lot tougher than a lot of people give him credit for. that being said. sometimes your rivals affect you, shit happens, it's part of the game. it's fundamentally a nice idea to think that valentino's tactics weren't just morally wrong but also ineffective, which is kind of the appeal of this narrative, right? you want to believe you're above that, you want to believe you were adequately prepared and wise to valentino's tactic. it's unsurprising and understandable that casey does tend to tell the story that way, but again it's *wiggles hand* also hard to describe it as completely factual
uh. what else. oh I'm thrilled casey does canonically know valentino and marc were friends, he has said he wasn't following motogp too much during that time period so you couldn't be sure of that. does this mean anything? does it tell you anything? well, no, but it's just a pleasing thought to me. I like that. oh also 'provoking particularly aggressive riders isn't a good idea' is kinda a funny take from casey? like, he of all people would hate the idea of being cowed by someone's reputation like that... casey's right that provoking fast riders can potentially be dangerous, but y'know I do think that's probably not news to anyone almost nine years later. um. that's all I've got I think
#i will say idm getting asks like this AT ALL but i do hope that's not like. the only bit of the podcast people are paying attention to#my thing with sepang 2015 takes is that like... when's the last time anyone has said anything genuinely interesting about that event#which yes big words from the feud blogger... but in fairness a lot of the sepang 2015 stuff is from old notes. that's my excuse idc#but that's kinda the thing... i feel like i haven't really had a new original thought about the whole drama for three plus years#u do kinda run out. basically the takes say more about the person saying them than about the actual event at this point#which. yeah. casey's comments on sepang '15 are primarily interesting in what they tell you about how he feels towards valentino#mind u he's actually quite nice about valentino in this one? casey call him let's finally organise that dinner#heretic tag#//#brr brr#batsplat responds#oh casey does go on another spiel against riders who win at all costs. ships that passed in the night of feuds i always say#also he gets the age he enters the premier class at wrong. i held myself back in the last post from pointing this out for tonal reasons#but if people want my podcast hot takes. i do simply have to mention it. just to set the record straight here#'they battle for podium places after 2009' genuinely. twice. like the alien era giveth but a lot of the time it really does just taketh#somewhat ironically casey wins the duel when he's on the shitty ducati and vale wins the duel when he's on the even shittier ducati#whatever that tells you idk#casey was always promising the laguna rematch would've gone differently and I love that conceptually but also we just don't know#he was like next time I WON'T play nice and it's like?? omg what does that look like. casey what were you cooking#for ethical reasons it's probably fine but for character arc reasons it's objectively ass that casey ended up being able to do all his -#- racing in a way he was entirely comfortable with for his second title in 2011. like it's just a complete waste of a year#you have this whole thing building for four years and then 2010 comes along and it's like. well that's enough narrative intrigue now! <3#also casey/jorge are fundamentally too interesting as individuals to have had such an obscenely boring on-track rivalry and yet here we are#it KILLS me because if you rearranged it and made valentino's dogshit ducati years like. 2009 or something#and do a straight title fight between jorge and casey THEN I genuinely think it would've been way more interesting#the problem with valentino is that he is fundamentally the WORST imaginable character you could invent to be casey's foil#literally everything about valentino could have been designed to be a casey-specific nightmare#but unfortunately that also makes him objectively the most interesting rival casey could have gotten#like morally it's on the edge. but narratively? literally could not have gotten a better villain in casey's story#constantly dancing on this faustian line of having to imitate valentino to beat him while trying not to lose yourself... juicy
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they've got to invent a my politics that are helpful in the current situation and not actively making it worse.
#trying to talk myself into being alive being good and having to jump through seven mental hoops i've constructed labeled things like#'everyone has the right to suicide' and 'staying alive is not a moral obligation' and 'you do not have to stay alive for other people's sake#and i keep tripping and falling and the hoops beat me up and laugh#TO BE CLEAR I'M FINE. I'LL BE FINE.#this is not something to be worried about it's just the two month long migraine. which is improving. and also the dead miss out on summer.#i am genuinely posting this just because it's a really stupid situation it is not a cry for help.#personal
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Update on my Whumptober thoughts: Not all the prompts will be posted, I have all 31 planned out but I found out that you don't have to post all 31. If a fic is finished, I'll post it but there's some big beasts that I want to write properly instead of rush. Also, I might not even write all 31. I want the completionist title but I don't have the time nor energy to force myself to write all the prompts and I did it last year and it wasn't like life-changing. I like Whumptober because the prompts help my creativity, spark some inspiration (talking about my Delancey Brothers Fic) but the perfectionist in me just beats myself up about not getting enough fics done before October or not writing enough each day to get them finished and then writing fics that all sound the same or the ideas being kind of shitty because I'm forcing them. I want to do my ideas justice rather than mass produce shit I don't like because I feel I need to, it's a constant line I walk between "I want to write something well and that I'm proud of so might be inactive for a while on AO3" and "I want to get this idea out there so need to post a bunch of stuff now"
#also i don't know why i feel i have to update people#i genuinely think that people will give me flack about not posting 31 prompts but calling myself a completionist#or saying i've got loads of fics coming up for the bear because of whumptober then not posting anything#i've made good progress with some things#the ed fic#but others are complete and not how i want them to be#there's a few fics exploring richie's birth family and him reconnecting that i want to do better#or him quitting the bear and becoming a nurse that i want to do justice#or just the fact that all i'm thinking of is my mikey lives au but it doesn't fit whumptober so i'm not writing it#and to top it off#my way of writing is changing from plan a lot and then write each scene in order and do that every day#to not being able to flesh out ideas so just writing down scenes until i get the vibe#it feels less dedicated to me personally#just because it's different and i'm a perfectionist who's too thorough sometimes#also half the time i plan a fic in detail then cba because it's too daunting#so i'm taking a leaf out of scenedenial's book and giving myself more freedom and trying not to beat myself up#that i've got 10 fics on the go and they're all slow going#because that's what i can manage#september is and will continue to be a stressful month for me#got my 2nd attempt at my driving test on 24th september and i'm an anxious wreck#also work on top of that and trying to have a life and let myself chill and say watch footie with my dad or grey's anatomy with my mum#rather than sit at a computer not writing all day#you've got to do stuff to be motivated#also exercise#i'm trying to exercise regularly and there's only so much time in the day when you work 9 hours a week#when did this become a vent post?#personal#kinda
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so much you have added to fx backstory au in your head you say… please feel free to take this excuse to share to your heart’s content… 💐
alex from the future here: this started as a note i was gonna let rot in my drafts and turned into A WHOLE ASS SCENE WITH DIALOGUE AND E'RYTHIN so i decided to copy and paste it here... anyway i have THOUGHTS about feng xin's family and especially his SPITFIRE of an older sister, shen liang...
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS and omg thank you for sending an ask im overflowing with thoughts of them... see #fx backstory au for more
~
sometimes i like to think about young Shen Liang before her brother was born...
yknow that excited phase some girls have about babies when theyre like 13?
my girl was READY to be a big sister
ready doesnt even being to describe it...
"Xin-er!" she'd talk to Shen Wangxi's belly relentlessly as if he'd already been born... if he even was a "he"
she'd be happy with a didi or a meimei she did not care
she read every bit of prep material from the royal library at least 3 times over
she talked with her mom about how she'd be the best jiejie ever...
she was SO EXCITED
So much so that Shen Wangxi knew Shen Liang could take care of her brother.
That is, until Feng Xin was born...
The event essentially trades her mothers life for her brothers... Shen Liang has the capability to care for her didi, but she isn't too interested in the parasite that stole her mom from her...
But this "parasite" continues to grow more fond of her regardless of how horribly she treats him.
.
"Jiejie is family. I love my family. And Baba tells me all the time i need to protect the things I love. I'll protect you jiejie!" A tiny Feng Xin puffs out his chest and makes a face that he thinks will make him look tough.
"Like how you protected mama?" Shen Liang mutters to herself, standing up from the dirt she'd been kicked down into by that goodfornothing bully and uselessly patting dust off her robes before knocking past him.
"Enough, A-Liang. He's three, he doesn't understand."
No. You don't understand. "Get lost, old man." Shen Liang quips toward her father.
Feng Yang lets her leave. Teenagers. At least she was safe now. This harassment was getting out of hand. He'd hate to take it directly to the king.
"But..." a tiny voice pokes out from behind the contemplating Xianle general.
Feng Yang bends down to pick up his son and rest him on his hip.
Tiny hands grab the fabric of his robes as Feng Xin rubs his head against his fathers chest to comfort himself and he mumbles, "Jiejie... I'll protect you, jiejie, I promise."
Feng Yang's heart aches from his son's words. It swells in his chest until it almost pops and then...
"Baba?"
"Yes, Xin-er?" Feng Yang answers softly with a smile.
Feng Xin chews on the age-old words of the Feng family code, and then speaks. "Well... what does a man do... when he can't protect what he loves." His voice attempts to mimic the commanding tone of his fathers own.
Well... "He tries to get stronger."
Feng Xin's eyes brighten.
Feng Yang is blessed to have this child as his son.
"Baba?"
"Hm?"
"When will I be strong enough to protect jiejie?"
"I don't know." I wish I did. "Sometimes protecting someone is not about how strong you are." I wish I could protect her too. "Sometimes you can't be strong enough to protect someone who doesn't want to be protected."
"Even if you love them?"
"Even if you love them."
Feng Xin's tiny brows furrow in contemplation until his young mind hits a logical dead end. It doesn't make sense to him.
So...
Feng Xin does what he always does when he doesn't know what else to do. "Baba is silly. Of course jiejie wants me to protect her." He hopes.
He prays. Wishes. Believes. Much like the name his mother gave him implies, Feng Xin has faith.
He was born with it. And like any child with a gift from his mother, he'll never let it be taken from him.
Feng Yang tests him. "And how do you know she wants that?"
"She lets me peel her oranges!" Feng Xin looks down and excitedly acts out the motion with his hands.
Yeah, and then she doesn't feed you. It had been beyond difficult for Feng Yang to feel safe leaving Feng Xin in Shen Liang's care. Just the thought of him thinking this way about his daughter made his stomach churn. But recently, even Shen Liang's 'starvation as a form of discipline' was now the least of his concerns.
Oddly, Feng Xin never complained and the treatment went unnnoticed. It took a visit from the royal physician to tell Feng Yang his son was malnourished. Feng Xin never denied that his jiejie sometimes "forgot" to feed him, but he didn't stand for the accusations the physician made about her either. He adamantly refused to cooperate until Feng Yang had asked the man to conclude his visit with the reassurance he'd address his son's care. Stubborn. Just like his mother... Just like his sister too. Feng Xin made his baba promise to never make him see another doctor who talked bad about his jiejie. Feng Yang couldn't deny him.
The feeding was less of an issue now, given the new one (bruises popping up on his skin) but it was best not to bring up Shen Liang's new actions to the little one right now.
So Feng Yang simply says, "But she doesn't share her slices with you."
"I don't need them. I'm strong." He puffs out his chest again and then has the idea to flex his arms like he was heroically nocking an arrow on his toy bow. "Maybe if jiejie eats them, then she can be strong on her own and I don't have to protect her!"
"Maybe. But why do you keep peeling them for her?"
Feng Xin's voice mellows, as sincere as a 3 year old can, but he responds without missing a beat. "I really like peeling oranges for jiejie."
.
Shen Wangxi I don't deserve our son, Feng Yang thinks.
.
...more to come 🤭
#IM SORRY THIS IS SO LONG I DIDNT MEAN IT TO BE#but its so tragic...#I SAY AS IF I DIDNT WRITE THIS AU MYSELF#im evil and i will never apologize for it#fx once heard from sl that an orange calmed him down when he was a baby#so he decides ON HIS OWN to try to peel oranges for his sis whenever she is 'upset' ie: isnt treating him well#he sucks at it at first but he learns... and for some reason sl never really forces him to stop... so he keeps doing it#its the only thing she has left of her mother when they used to peel oranges for each other when it was just the 2 of them#oh and at the start of the dialogue shen liang gets harassed for having foreign blood bc they arent from xianle#but bbie fx has had enough and wants to 'find the boys (not 'men' he is adamant about this part) that hit his jiejie and go and beat em up'#<-his own words#basically i love bby fx#oc shen liang#oc feng yang#oc shen wangxi#fx backstory au
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