#I tried so hard to get a quote from it in the fic but ALAS

[theladyofshalott1989]

trick or treat!! happy halloween 🎃 ✨🎃

Happy Halloween!!!

I love to put epigraphs at the beginning of my fics. Here’s some of the quotes I considered for the different parts of “You Cannot Put a Fire Out,”but that I ultimately didn’t end up using because they didn’t quite fit the right ~vibes~.

[raxistaicho]

To spork a hatefic

Hey all! A while back I became aware of an anti-CF shortfic that attempts to analyze Edelgard and Hubert's treatment of Byleth in Crimson Flower. The long and short of it is the author (hereafter referred to as "Function", to shorten their AO3 username) interprets Byleth as a Human/Nabatean mixed-race individual, and so takes personally what they perceive to be some anti-Nabatean sentiment espoused by Edelgard and Hubert.

I'm not going to get into that issue during the course of this sporking; I've made a post on this ages back, but I personally interpret Byleth's dichotomy more as a split between mortals and the divine. The game proper focuses more on the Nabateans as a divine family than it does a race.

In any case, it's far more interesting to analyze why Byleth reacts to the things Edelgard and Hubert say, since there's a great deal of groundwork that Function just ignores in favor of detailing why Edelgard and Hubert are awful people. They've kinda forgotten that their shortfic gets into a story that didn't just begin where the shortfic does. That's more what I want to focus on.

Before we continue, do not go looking for this fic to bug the writer, I implore you. I didn't link it, name it, or name the author for a reason.

With that out of the way, let's get started!

*Byleth goes by they/them in this fic

Noted. And honestly it's easier that way, I'm already used to calling Byleth they/them as it is.

*This fic is not favorable towards CF

That's fine, I won't be favorable toward the fic either :)

We open up with,

“I will save this world from those creatures and give humanity its freedom back!” The words strike a discordant cord in Byleth’s chest.

Byleth remembers how Edelgard used to be and how unusual it is for her to speak so openly, capping off with,

Was she always so… comfortable?

No, not until treehouse got hold of her.

A lot, and I mean a lot of the times Edelgard calls the Nabateans "creatures" was an invention of the localization. In the original JP, what she says here is either,

I will bring down the lies of the Goddess, overcome countless sacrifices, then grasp and show everyone the true meaning of a world of man.

or,

I’ll defeat the false goddess, overcome our many sacrifices, and seize a world that’s truly for humanity.

The sources are linked in the quotes.

Now while Edelgard does bring up specifically humanity at the end of both quotes, it's in direct contrast to the falsities of the goddess. It's that human/god contrast I mentioned earlier with regards to Byleth.

To give another common example, the lines that spawned the dialogue Edelgard's haters always point to as an example of her being an evil racist, "Should the one leading the people of the world be someone with humanity or a creature that can merely masquerade as a human at will?" started as,

[Seiros and Nemesis fought to decide] whether those who stand atop humanity should be human, or non-human…

or,

Should the one who rules over humans be a human, or should it be something that is not a human…?

Again, Edelgard's issues are with the church and its false teachings of the goddess. It's more humans v gods here.

Rhea, and Seteth, and Flayn… they have made their stance against those three clear now, but enemies as they may be… creatures? Has Edelgard always been so… willing to speak of them in such a way?

Yes, she has.

(Interestingly, this is one of the few times the localization didn't make up Edelgard calling Rhea a monster! I'll go into the interesting implications a little further down)

You know, right after Rhea declared,

And then transformed into a frankly horrific-looking creature.

Rhea ain't a fluffy divine dragon ala Tiki, she's covered in spikes, she's got claws as long as a man is tall, she's got white pupil-less eyes, and her maw is lined with a jagged "beard" of spikes.

Speaking from experience, it's not easy to disregard things I know but my characters wouldn't when I write, but Function hasn't tried very hard at all to dispense with the Audience Awareness Advantage. They know dragons are generally forces for good in Fire Emblem, especially in modern games, but the characters in Fodlan would only have experience with them in the form of Demonic Beasts, which rampage mindlessly and slaughter people. The word "dragon" doesn't even exist in the game's script, just in UI elements and the name of one weapon.

We see Rhea and think, "oh, divine dragon!" while the people in-universe would think, "she's a white Demonic Beast!"

In any case, it's a definite strike against canon that Byleth would just forget the things Edelgard said previously and what Rhea said, did, and tried to do that prompted Edelgard's harsh description.

If someone viscerally declared their intent to rip out the heart of someone I loved, I'd be pretty liberal with dehumanizing them, too. That's serial killer behavior.

Her words are spoken with such a fervor, a vigor and vitality she would usually reserve for her ambitions and ideals, something dear to her, important to her, close to her heart, and yet… this… This feels different. This feels deeper.  

No they weren't and no it doesn't.

Tara Platt didn't even slip into Edelgard's "speech-voice" when giving that line, she speaks it calmly and softly. This is especially bad since you can easily check the voice lines now, this took me about a minute to confirm.

And just to be sure, I checked the original line in JP. Ai Kakuma, Edelgard's jp va, also gives the line calmly.

Now, for contrast,

If you dare walk this path with me, take your first step. It's now or never!

THAT was spoken with vigor and vitality.

Anyways, Byleth gets uneasy,

That resolution, that drive, that heart - it’s so close to sounding right. So close to being something they can believe in. But under the sincerity lies… No. No, they were thinking too much. They look into Edelgard’s eyes and see that same softness they remember her having, and they know that everything is fine. Everything is fine.

Judging by what we'll see later on, the implication is clearly that Byleth is catching on to the notion that they might be included in the list of "creatures" who need to be removed. This is an exceedingly common claim from Edelgard's more outspoken detractors, that she should turn on and kill Byleth once Rhea is out of the way, because she's just that much of a hater of the Nabateans.

This is just straight up mistaking Edelgard for Thales. Her haters' (mis)understanding of her character is that because she's willing to use violence, violence is her only answer when life asks her a question. It also ties into the nonsensical "she never tried diplomacy!" argument. It's also mistaking why Edelgard fights Rhea and her kin to begin with; it's not because of who they are, but what they do and have done to Fodlan. She has no reason at all to fight Byleth, they're on her side. Even the quotes Function uses later in an attempt to bury Edelgard only supports her point!

But to raise another point, why would Byleth be internalizing Edelgard's supposed anti-Nabatean arguments to include them? This isn't Silver Snow, Byleth hasn't learned anything about Sitri. Though they do know via Sothis that Rhea caused them to live a joint life, that doesn't necessarily mean Byleth themself is even part Nabatean. For all they know, they're just a normal human that Rhea tampered with during the mysterious passing of their mother.

Anyways, the scene then cuts to a rendition of Hubert's A support. I've gone into this support in great detail in a recent post and I encourage you to read it to get the context Function is going to deny us. I'll keep things brief(er) here, but tl;dr: what Hubert's about to say is a sign of trust, not distrust.

“It's absurd to preach to others what you cannot practice yourself.” A conversation with Hubert, after reconnecting. Talking of Rhea’s hypocrisy, of the need for Edelgard to rule in her place; ironically, they speak in the cathedral, the unrepaired hole in the roof letting in dim sunlight.

All right, so Function has just completely denied us all context and the fact that Hubert's saying gods have no fight to be hypocrits, great. It's much easier to frame a conversation the way you want it when you remove all context from it, after all.

“Sometimes it’s necessary.” Sometimes the circumstances call for hypocrisy - isn’t that concession something they all had to live with, for Edelgard’s war? How the only way to stop the need for sacrifices in the future is to indulge in the need for sacrifices now? How the true peace they build on this necessary suffering will erase the false peace Rhea had built?   It is hypocritical, but… that can’t always be avoided.

No, what Edelgard's doing isn't hypocritical. It'd be hypocritical if she decried violence and killing in all circumstances while using violence and killing to achieve her ends.

You know, that thing Dimitri does constantly!

“That is logical, but I am afraid your logic is informed by your humanity. That is not the case for inhuman creatures with lifespans well beyond our own.” The cord is struck again. They look at Hubert - he is staring them directly in the eye.

Again, Function removed the context behind this; he's contrasting humans against the goddess. Gods and mortals.

And again, Byleth doesn't have a reason to internalize what Hubert's saying.

“We must fight to preserve what makes us human.” They feel the hairs on the back of their neck rise. A chill races up and down their spine. Hubert still has that neutral smile, that calculating stare, that even tone.

No, he's actually rather agitated when he says this, because he's discussing his enemies. Rhea and her kin who've abused their long lives and great powers to force laws upon people that they don't practice themselves.

"What makes us human" is just the fallibility, the excuse to make logical mistakes and hypocrisies. Byleth has already compared what Edelgard's doing to being a hypocrite, and they themself are on her side. This Byleth has chosen their human side; they should be agreeing with him.

“You are the one closest to the enemy. I wonder if you will be able to maintain your humanity to the end.” They don’t swallow. They breathe in, then out, as they always do. They blink. They look at Hubert. “If I’m unable to…” Then Hubert - and Edelgard, and the Black Eagles - they would bring them back, right? They would help them. They would stay by them, just as Byleth has always come back to them. Or Hubert will say not to worry about such an impossibility - that it would never happen, because he knows them, and knows they would never… lose their humanity… even if Byleth didn’t understand what Hubert means they would never let that happen, and he knows that-

Let's not forget what it would mean for Byleth to lose their humanity. Because Function was obsessed with race to the point of being blinded by all else while writing this, they seem to think that Byleth failing to preserve what makes them human would mean Byleth just... becoming more of a Nabatean or something. Living too long, or changing into a dragon.

But, again, Edelgard and Hubert are concerned about what the Nabateans are doing, not what they are. Where Byleth losing their humanity leads, based on how Hubert discusses it, is the path of becoming an eternal despot over the people, abusing powers they can't hope to match or understand and forcing them to live in a manner Byleth themself wouldn't.

Byleth fearfully wonders if the Black Eagles would "bring them back, right?" Function means "bring them back from being a Nabatean," when in reality it means "bring them back from being a tyrant." And how does Fire Emblem handle characters fearing their own power and their ability to wield it wisely?

Well, look to Anankos. When he understood he would become a mad dragon, he didn't bleat, "set me back on the straight and narrow, okay?" he empowered his own would-be killers. Which is precisely what Byleth does in this scene if you choose to take that dialogue option, as a final logical evolution of Hubert's threats to kill them earlier in the support line. "If I become corrupted by my power like Nemesis and Rhea did, stop me. Whatever it takes."

Of course, there's a dialogue option here in which Byleth just asserts they'd never do that, and Hubert admits they make him want to believe them, but that doesn't fit Function's narrative so we're ignoring that.

“Does that mean you know I will do what must be done? You must trust me a great deal.” His smile becomes relaxed. His posture loses tension. His gaze is warmer. As if they passed a test. They want to ask what he means. What must be done - what must be done? What does he plan on doing? If they- if they lose their humanity, if they become too close to the enemy, if they- if they what?

So yeah, Function is not remotely interested in any of the context here. They just want to demonize Hubert for being so very racist :(

Also, I'm to believe this Byleth's been interacting with Hubert for a year and change? This Byleth taught him, understands his mindset? They're acting like they've only just met him.

Hubert’s mouth keeps moving. He- he must mean he would help them, right?

"He'd help me stop being a tyrant, right? :( He'd give me a good tongue-lashing and make me knock it off?"

Function's Byleth comes across like... I don't know what. They just can't follow a conversation to save their life.

He wouldn’t- but why phrase it like that? What does he mean closest to the enemy,

Function, you'd know the answer to that if you knew anything about the support that takes place than the part where Hubert implies he'll kill Byleth!

This would be like me picking a random line in Dimitri's A support and going from there. I could probably make him look weird if I did that, too!

they- they left the Church of Seiros! The one safe haven they’ve ever known! They went right back to Edelgard, stayed by her, fought by her side, fought by everyone in the Black Eagles’ side,

The fact that Byleth immediately goes to them leaving the Church of Seiros as if to lay Hubert's concerns to rest exposes Function's thought process and what they think Hubert's talking about.

For Function, "You are the one closest to the enemy," runs like:

Byleth is half-Nabatean

Nabateans are associated with the Church of Seiros

Hubert thinks Byleth might rejoin the Church of Seiros before the battle is over.

For one, it wouldn't make any sense at all for Byleth to even try to rejoin Rhea, given Rhea's vow to brutally kill them, but even setting that aside, Hubert doesn't just ignore threats if they aren't likely to manifest within the next five minutes. He sees further than most people, and he knows once the war ends it will be his responsibility to help safeguard the world Edelgard is trying to build.

"You are the one closest to the enemy," means that once Rhea and her church is gone, Byleth will be the most powerful individual in Fodlan. Will they use their power wisely, as the Church of Seiros says people should but fails to do itself, or will they become the next Rhea? That's why Hubert isn't going to be just be instantly assuaged by Byleth being on Edelgard's side right now; he has to look further ahead.

Is it cold? Yes, but that's just how Hubert is. The fact he's speaking frankly with Byleth about this and is willing to accept Byleth's assertions that they won't fall prey to their own power demonstrates a lot of growth on Hubert's part.

Also, this Byleth wouldn't think of the Garreg Mach of 1180 as necessarily a safe haven anymore, they'd think it as the domain of the woman who tried to groom them into an obscure ritual that would have done something unknown to them and now wants to brutally murder them for protecting their student.

They went right back to Edelgard, stayed by her, fought by her side, fought by everyone in the Black Eagles’ side, against the pleas and cries of students who once looked to them as a guide, killing those students who refused to see Edelgard’s dream,

We're no further than Derdriu, so none of the students so far have been required kills.

Ignatz and Leonie are optional targets in ch13 even if unrecruited, and when Judith falls Edelgard calls for a cessation of hostilities over the bridge. Judith has to die, but why would Byleth care about Judith? They don't know her, she's just another noble to them.

Lysithea can be spared and recruited even if encountered as an enemy in ch14, and Hilda is both optional and easily avoided in the same.

Look, Function, if you wanna play Crimson Flower like the Genocide Route in Undertale, knock yourself out, but don't turn around and blame Edelgard if named characters start dropping like flies.

They’ve done everything they could to stand by Edelgard. What else could they do? What does he mean? What does he mean?

He means it's time to crack open a book about philosophy and see what absolute power absolutely does, Byleth.

Next is the intro to... Linhardt and Leonie's paralogue.

We all know where this is going, folks.

A lot of this can be skipped, but Byleth mentions that the days have been muggy recently, so I guess Function just forgot this is taking place in the middle of winter. A definite strike against canon.

But. Just before they try to leave to inform Edelgard, Linhardt places a hand on their shoulder. “If we're going now, I do suggest leaving Edelgard and Hubert innocent of our quest.” His words are spoken in that casual, disinterested tone that they’ve long grown to find endearing. But there‘s a look in his eye - oddly serious, oddly grounded, for the man Byleth knew to often visit the land of dreams. “Lake Teutates is a place that concerns the saints of the Church of Seiros. It may become bothersome should the two of them find out…” And Byleth wants to protest that idea - Edelgard and Hubert, they have their deep grievances with the Church of Seiros, yes, but surely… surely not so bad as to need to leave them out? Whatever awaits them in this visit was clearly of no harm to anyone - they’ve received no reports of Lake Teutates being dangerous, no bandits or enemy scouts. They may not even engage in any fighting, so, surely, it would be fine…

He starts to yawn as he gets to "the two of them", which really says everything about why he doesn't want Edelgard to know; he just doesn't want to bother getting approval for a trip to church grounds. He even says Byleth should tell her about the trip once it's over.

Leonie… yes, they nod and agree, because yes, yes, after. Edelgard and Hubert can know of this deviation after it is done.  After Linhardt used up all of his motivation to find Saint Indech. After he, the one person who knows the way, would remember the way, will ever want to say it again.

Wait, what? Finding Indech didn't even come up in this scene! The only time Indech is even mentioned is when Linhardt vaguely alludes to a legend about him and that the bow ties into it. Linhardt doesn't even piece together the truth and hypothesize that the Immovable is him until he encounters him in the flesh. This is one of the worst examples of Function applying their knowledge onto the characters in this entire fic, and that's saying something.

Also, "the one person who knows the way"? Lake Teutates is on maps of Fodlan. All you have to do is find the lake, and you'll find the shrine after looking around.

Edelgard won’t get mad at them for investigating this legend about a likely child of the goddess behind her back.

Edelgard does not utter "children of the goddess" often. Just in a battle dialogue in Enbarr and late in Crimson Flower. That's another strike against canon.

Hubert won’t accuse them of growing closer with the enemy and… do what must be done...

Yeah, see? Function thinks Byleth losing humanity means rejoining the Nabateans. I understand they think this is supposed to be all about race and that's why this fanfic is obsessed with race and blood, but that's not what the game itself is worried about. And that's why it's so easy to knock all these points down.

They wouldn’t have regardless, of course, Byleth trusts them to know that they wouldn’t, but… now they can’t. Now, Byleth is…  Assured.

Press X to doubt.

Next we jump ahead to chapter 15, the Garreg Mach defense.

“The time is now! As long as we stand here, you shall not pass!” There she is. Flayn.

You know what this means, dear readers!

Sweet, kind Flayn. Small, weak-bodied Flayn. Flayn, fainted and pale from blood loss, kidnapped in her own home. Flayn, bright and shining, holding up the fish Byleth had reeled up to make her feel better. Flayn, shocked and joyous, over having won the White Heron Cup. Flayn, supportive and happy, when they had first come back after merging with Sothis.

Fuck, I think that gave me diabetes. But remember this glowing detail Flayn gets for later on, because the contrast against Byleth's other students will be stark.

Small, weak-bodied Flayn.

Who are you calling frail!?

Flayn, fainted and pale from blood loss, kidnapped in her own home.

You're gonna mention how Edelgard helped you rescue her and willingly gave her up, right, Byleth? No? Okay.

Flayn, bright and shining, holding up the fish Byleth had reeled up to make her feel better.

Pfft, I reeled that fish up for the renown, thank you very much.

Flayn, shocked and joyous, over having won the White Heron Cup.

Oof, Byleth's out a dancer. Poor planning there, Teach. Also of course it was Flayn, can't let Dorothea have anything, heheh.

Flayn, supportive and happy, when they had first come back after merging with Sothis.

Given the implication that Flayn knew about Rhea's inhumane experiments to revive Sothis, this isn't the cute little thing you think it is, Function.

They swallow. Their hands are shaking so hard they can barely hold their sword. They can’t stop blinking. They- they can’t do this. They can’t do this. Flayn, she- they saved her, brought her back to Seteth before he had broken down completely,

Yeah, shame she's choosing to fight on Rhea's side against the future of Fodlan. Maybe get her to knock it off?

helped her gain some closure in killing Solon, and now… 

What? Flayn doesn't even come up in regards to Solon's death. But of course Byleth killed him for her, and not for his other victims, past and potentially in the future. Flayn is important.

Now they have to kill her?

No? Do what Edelgard does, try to get her to surrender.

Function, Byleth jumping right to thinking they have to kill her isn't a good look.

End her kind, precious life? Destroy Seteth’s one reason for living, after giving her back to him? It’s- it’s cruel, they’ve bloodied their hands so, so much in this forsaken war, but, they just can’t-

Ah, yeah, who cares about all the people you've killed so far, they weren't main characters! But this is Flayn and Seteth, we mustn't hurt them :(

Function, Byleth only giving a shit when it's people they know personally and they, in the context of this fanfic, share a race with is. Um. It's like. Ah. Terrible.

No seriously, Byleth comes across as kinda racist. "Who cares about all the humans I've killed so far, there's plenty of those and I didn't know them, but this time it's different, they're my people :("

“Come at me, so that I may put you out of your misery!” They. Turn to Edelgard. She’s glaring- no. She’s glowering.

Oh baby.

So in the context of this fanfic, she's saying that to Flayn, but in the game itself she just says it to whichever group of hidden enemies spawns first. One of them, the closer of the two, pointedly doesn't have Flayn mixed among them. Just Function, again twisting things to make Edelgard look worse.

She isn’t seeing the sweet, kind girl that had once been her classmate. She isn’t seeing Flayn holding a fish in her hands with an unbridled happiness. She isn’t seeing Flayn smile brightly at being given the traditional dancer garb.

Yeah, she's seeing an enemy commander leading troops to retake the monastery and kill her soldiers, men and women who she has a responsibility for and for whom she cares about. Unlike Byleth.

She… sees her victim that got away. From the kidnapping she sanctioned.

Oh, never mind.

And yeah, I guess Byleth did forget how Edelgard helped to rescue Flayn in the first place. And also how Edelgard didn't take Flayn captive at the Holy Tomb when she could have.

They rush ahead, sprinting to Flayn, Edelgard tries to keep up but her armor wears her down and Byleth is running, their grip becomes sweaty and loose and they are running, their eyes burn and their sight blurs and they are running- And before they knew it, Flayn was in front of them. 

Very dramatic. Where are all Flayn's soldiers, having a smoke break? Did Byleth just mentally blot out killing them because they're not Nabatean and thus mean nothing to them?

Her stare grows more wavering; they could swear her eyes are shining more of what little light shines through the clouds than they should.

That map isn't overcast, Function, Empathic Environment isn't in effect.

Unless it's cloudy from all the smoke the church caused with its fire attack.

They exchange Flayn's battle dialogue, then Byleth beats the shit out of Flayn, holy crap.

They make it quick; Flayn was always better known for her healing than her fighting. The pommel of their sword, the flat end of their blade, fists and kicks - it is violent. It hurts. Try as they might, they still hear the distinctive crack of bone from one strike to her arm, Flayn’s petite body simply too weak to withstand the blow. They see her bite down hard on her lip, the blood trickling to her chin, her eyes squinting past the pain, they hear the muffled whimper, the soft thmp of her staff hitting the ground, her quiet sniffle.

Don't you dare try to blame that one on Edelgard, Function, that was all on Byleth for going full Doom Slayer on Flayn, jesus christ.

Oh and also, I guess Edelgard's also having a smoke break, because she vanished.

She looks at them, and suddenly, her eyes go wide. Understanding seems to dawn on her in that moment, and she takes a step back.  “Farewell, Professor. I do not imagine we shall ever meet again.”

Flayn's understand is that Byleth is letting her go, but in the game it's just presented that Flayn and Seteth choose not to fight to the death if they encounter Byleth. All the power is in their hands, it's just a question of whether or not they intend to needlessly throw their lives away for Rhea.

And she retreats. Bruised, bleeding, and battered, but alive. They can only hope Seteth does the same. Those two, they… They don’t deserve this.

Everyone else can fuck off and shut up and fuck off and die, though.

It’s fine. They defeated her, and will defeat Seteth.

I wonder how Function feels about how Byleth doesn't need to be the one to defeat Seteth and Flayn to get them to back off? Yeah, in case you didn't know, having Byleth engage in battle with them once is all it takes. After that, anyone, even Edelgard, can finish them and they'll be just fine. That revelation seriously upset some of the Edelgard antis, given I'm still seeing them trying to argue against it even to this day.

Those two will never be seen again, hiding away from the world Flayn had so desperately wanted to see, and that’s… okay.

Sometimes, in Fodlan, you end up in Abyss. That's the world Rhea made. Flayn shouldn't be special just because she's cute and has a name.

That’s good. It makes it okay to spare them, and Byleth won’t hear anything from Edelgard or Hubert for this.

This is written as if to be defiant, but Byleth won't hear anything from Edelgard or Hubert for this because they don't react negatively to the pair surviving, because killing them is not a goal for the war. Hell, killing Rhea isn't, either. Just removing her from power is all that's needed.

Thank god that's over!

“You, like Rhea, share a bloodline with the so-called goddess. Your mother likely had some connection to the goddess, whose power has always been sleeping within you. Five years ago when your power awakened, I was afraid you would choose to join with Rhea.” They don’t know. They just don’t know.

You've made that abundantly clear, Byleth.

They had never talked with Rhea more than they had to.

Good thing, too, otherwise you'd have to endure her sexual harassment and getting punished for trying to assert boundaries in her A support!

They had always spoken to Edelgard at every opportunity. They had done everything to push Rhea away from them despite her open arms,

This is portraying Rhea as being oh so very kind, but I've see it argued with some credence that her behavior throughout White Clouds is her lovebombing Byleth.

Right from the start, she strongly suspects Byleth of being the child who escaped from her twenty years ago, so she gives them a job to keep them nearby and showers them with compliments and praise. Then, after Byleth demonstrates they can wield the SotC and thus appear even more likely to be Sothis reborn, suddenly her C support opens up, and she offers Byleth weed herbal remedies to give to give to the students, targeting a major point of Byleth's affection.

It's easy to read Rhea's shows of affection as carefully planned and controlled to get Byleth to open up to her to better steer their course.

and everything to stay with Edelgard despite her radical ideals.

Maybe we should improve society somewhat is radical in Fodlan, I guess.

When Edelgard had tried to kill them and the Black Eagles in the Holy Tomb, they didn’t kill her.

Don't mind me, just dropping those.

Function seems to have forgotten that this Byleth is supposed to be a Byleth who experienced the story as it exists, not as they (Function) headcannon it to be.

They barely hurt her. They did everything to simply incapacitate her, to hear her out, to understand why she would do this.

If Byleth experienced every moment they could and would have experienced with Edelgard, Dorothea, Bernadetta, Petra, and many others, they would know why Edelgard would do this. Despite what her antis would have you believe, what you see really is what you get with Edelgard when she's talking about her ideals. She's very open with Byleth.

“You thought I would join her?” And Edelgard will say that of course she did, because she had done something so drastic. She had brought in an army - her army - and gave the order to kill them and the Black Eagles. She had brought in mindless Demonic Beasts, after Miklan, after Remire’s massacre, after the chapel and their father’s murder. She betrayed them, in every sense of the word - of course, that was why she had thought they would have joined Rhea. 

What Function is missing here is that breaking away from one's "intended" path is a major theme of Crimson Flower, and this scene is directly pointing that out.

Edelgard was "meant" to be Thales's tool, but with her connection to Byleth and the other students, she escapes this fate.

Byleth was "meant" to be Sothis reborn, but by connecting to the students and the people of Fodlan, they choose to keep their humanity and not become a god.

As Fantasy Invader loves to say, you're "changing the story", and that reflects in breaking away from Edelgard and Byleth's appointed fates, where the other three routes see both embracing them, to Edelgard's death and Byleth's fated loneliness of immortality.

“I did. As you know, my goal is to free our world from the control of Rhea and the other children of the goddess. I seek to obliterate her, as well as those around her who use the church's power to control Fódlan. I swore to free the people from Rhea by striking her down, whether or not it meant making an enemy of you.”

Emphasis mine.

Again, the subject of Hubert's A support with Byleth is not about which race they choose to be, but how they use their power after Rhea is no more. It's all about abuse of power, not having too-pointy ears.

And the world starts spinning. Their chest pangs. Their spine chills. Their gut churns. I will save the world from those creatures That is not the case for inhuman creatures Rhea and the other creatures, she means. To obliterate her and those creatures around her. And she thought they would join Rhea, because they are a creature like Rhea.

The creatures who abuse their power, Byleth, you really need to try paying attention when you talk to people.

But yes, given how Byleth seemed all set up to become an avatar of the goddess's will, it seems natural for Edelgard, sworn enemy to the church, to assume Byleth would choose not to walk at her side.

“And yet...you came to my aid and chose to walk with me on the path against Rhea. I was overjoyed of course, but I was also confused. I thought that perhaps it wasn't the path you were meant to take. But I chose to trust in you, to rely on you and your strength. And now, here we are.” They chose to trust in Edelgard. And they were given this in return.

Love? Trust? The freedom to choose?

A trust Edelgard tentatively gave to this… creature.

Oh, of course, Function is obsessed with race so they think Byleth and Edelgard should be as well, right. Where did Byleth get the idea that Edelgard's trust was tentative in that speech? Hubert's is, based on the choices Byleth makes going forward, but that's not the case with Edelgard.

This creature that should be distrusted, despite everything it's done for her, despite opening its heart to her.

...No? At no point did Edelgard say her initial uncertainty was correct. Just that it was how she felt.

This creature that Hubert will do what must be done should it lose its humanity, damn whatever friendship and love it held before. 

If anything, it's because Hubert considers Byleth a friend that he has to do it, now. Who does Hardin trust to set him straight if he loses his path? The Wolfguard, the men he trusts most.

“Thank you for listening, my teacher. I'm glad I finally had the chance to talk to you about it. After Rhea is gone from this world, I don't know what will become of you." They want to laugh. They want to cry. They want to run away screaming. They want to strangle her.  All this time. All they’ve done for her. All they’ve given to her. All they’ve lived for her. All they’ve loved her completely. And she doesn’t know what will become of them.  Does she doubt what will become of Hubert? No; it wasn’t even a question. Anyone could tell how much she trusts the man. He has proven he will walk off the ends of the earth for her. She has no reason to doubt his dedication to staying by her side.

Function chooses the weirdest times to just forget that they played Crimson Flower.

Edelgard's worry here is meant to foreshadow Byleth collapsing after Rhea falls. She knows Byleth is tied to the goddess through their mother, so she fears what will happen to Byleth should they take the final step in defying Rhea. Fear of loss tied into her future is one of Edelgard's main character traits, Edge of Dawn is all about this. Her instincts tell her something dangerous might happen to Byleth, and it very nearly does.

I know exactly what Function is getting at: Edelgard antis love to rant about how Edelgard should totally kill Byleth the minute Rhea goes down, but she obviously doesn't, because she trusts them in Crimson Flower, and her trust is rewarded.

Edelgard doesn’t know them. And… they didn’t know her.

Yeah that'd be because you're operating off Function's probably 5 years old memories of the route and their poor;y-constructed headcanons.

Didn’t know the depths to her hatred.

Man, if hearing Edelgard say mean things about Rhea is enough to count as hate, just imagine if Byleth heard half the rancid shit Dimitri says!

Didn’t know how lowly she must have thought of them, all this time.

Edelgard wept and hugged Byleth when they returned. She said her heart felt broken to think Byleth had fallen. This whole fucking scene is about how deeply Edelgard cares for and trusts Byleth, but sure, Function.

“But whatever happens, I hope you know that you're very special to me. You are the one person in this world who can share the heavy burden I must carry. Someone without equal who I can always speak my mind to…” And her eyes are so soft, her voice so gentle. Admitting to having been willing to kill them so easily and so casually,

She never said she felt she could easily kill you, you really need to try paying attention, Byleth. She only said she was willing to risk making an enemy of you.

that she hadn’t thought they should be here,

Past-tense, Byleth, as in, directly after you made the choice. She was briefly and understandably confused, but that was five years ago.

All for some blood connection to this woman that they have never done one thing for that hadn’t been forced upon them by obligation - a connection based on an assumption about a mother they’ve never met and never seen…

The cognitive dissonance coming from Function is wild. Yes, it does seem remarkably petty for Edelgard to distrust Byleth based on some familial connection not even they are fully aware of, it's almost like that's not actually how she feels!

But they’re special to her. So, so special. Special for a human? Or special for a creature?

No, you're just special, Byleth, because you're you. Fixating on race is Function reading way too far into Edelgard's motives.

They look out one of the many holes in Garreg Mach’s walls.

(sigh)

This scene doesn't take place at Garreg Mach, Function.

It takes place at Fhirdiad. This is immediately after a scene showing the BESF arriving at Fhirdiad.

Another bonafide strike against canon, and another sign that Function only read the game script and probably doesn't remember the route nearly as well as they think they do.

The clouds are heavy and gray, turning the air a thick orange.

It's not cloudy either! Empathic Environment isn't in effect, Function!

Come the night, there will be nothing but darkness.

Yeah, that's what happens when the sun goes down.

Also, Darkness of the Unknown Goalposts, again.

Walking that darkness with Edelgard, treading the ocean of blood that was her righteous ideals - it had once been as easy as breathing. They loved her. They did everything for her. They had known that path would be easy, as their hand would always be locked with hers. They… can’t. They can’t. Not anymore.  It’s too much. The flashes of hatred that switch so quickly to loving gazes, the willingness to kill them, the needling words, the need for secrets, they… they can’t do it. They can’t do it anymore.

So it all became too much once it started personally impacting you, Byleth? Function, it REALLY doesn't look good that you consistently write Byleth as crumpling like a paper tiger the second the war starts to hurt them personally.

Edelgard turns and walks off. She leaves.  They stand there.  Alone.

I mean if you want to be alone then don't whine when you're alone. Also, Edelgard wouldn't just tromp off, leaving Byleth alone.

The Sword of the Creator as a weapon cannot be sheathed, so they take a blanket and curl it inside.

That's... sheathing it... If the SotC will passively cut through a sheath, it'll cut through a blanket. This reminds me of how in Bleach, Nimaiya had to keep Sayafushi in a jelly-like liquid because its edge is too sharp and its sides too slick to be sheathed, only stupider.

Anyways, we jumped back to Garreg Mach and Byleth is planning to run away from Edelgard.

It was easy enough to find a secluded, unused alleyway that led to an unmanned section of the outer walls. Once, the entirety of Garreg Mach’s outer layer was heavily manned and heavily armed, preparing for any siege that may befall it; now, there is nothing. No one.

What? Is the war already over? Did Edelgard abandon Garreg Mach again for some reason? What's going on!

Edelgard will look for them, they know; they’ve heard of her frantic searchings for them during those five years they slept, how absolutely desperate she was to find them. Before it had moved their heart, knowing of her devotion; now it is a warning, letting them know they will be hunted.

Yeah, duh Edelgard will look for you. You're running off without warning in the middle of the night during a war, that's going to look like enemy assassins kidnapped you, of fucking course Edelgard will be desperate to save you!

Function's so incredibly self-defeating.

She couldn’t find them when they were sleeping, however. As good as it is to know she will be searching, there is nothing she can do against the flow of time itself fighting her.

...What? Is Function/Byleth under the assumption that Byleth will get whisked off to some negative hole in space if they go into another long sleep? That's not how it appears to work. Also this reads like Byleth's happy she'll outlive Edelgard, so that's a lovely image. If I may quote Engage,

Living an immortal life is consistently portrayed as very sad when the only relationships a person can hope to hold is with mortal beings who'll grow old and die, leaving you behind. Rhea herself was tortured by this very loneliness.

If not also… lonely, already, knowing that they'll likely never again experience Caspar’s rambunctious shouts or Dorothea’s lovely singing, Ferdinand’s confident boasts or Bernadetta’s silent gratitude. Petra, talking about her homeland; Linhardt, as they last saw him, napping in places strange and forgotten. They will likely never see Leonie and Alois again, the last living memories of Father. Hubert’s private longings to fly pegasi. Edelgard’s loving and warm gaze. It hurt. It all hurts, leaving everything, every one, behind. But they have to.

Oh, hey, nice of Byleth to finally think about the Black Eagles, I was starting to wonder if she gave a shit about them!

Also, really? Is that how Byleth chooses to remember them?

Caspar fails and falls, but he never gives up, he always gets back up and tries again. That part of him is inspiring. Byleth remembers him for being noisy.

Dorothea's whole support line with Byleth is about how she yearns to be loved for something deeper than her voice or her looks. Byleth doesn't think about her incredible compassion that came from a background of unfettered cruelty and loss, they think of her voice, just like all the other shallow nobles who showered her with gifts.

Ferdinand's boasting hides a deep unease, but he grows past that and comes to embody in spirit and in truth the nobility he once claimed. Byleth remembers him for the shallow bravado.

Bernadetta grows so much over the Crimson Flower route, getting out of her room and exploring the lands in one of her CF-exclusive endings. Byleth remembers her as the quiet, demure little lady Count Varley wanted her to be.

Petra comes to view Fodlan as a second home, and the people she met there, her family. Byleth remembers her only thinking of Brigid.

Linhardt proves himself much more than the sleepy dreamer he first seems, but Byleth only sees him as the forgotten sleeper.

And Leonie and Alois? Byleth doesn't even think of them; they think of Jeralt.

This Byleth doesn't seem to have a genuine relation with any of the Black Eagles at all!

Besides, Edelgard said she wants to be rid of all of the indomitable enemies, these creatures plaguing humanity. What place would they truly have, in her pure human world?

Function is trying to convey Byleth as unjustly prejudiced because of their part-Nabatean background, but all they've done is demonstrate Byleth as very lacking in character and incapable of connecting with humans. Oh how they weep for poor Fwayne while recounting what a bright ray of light she was, but with the Black Eagles? Byleth knew them for much longer than Flayn, but even still they can only think of the most basic character traits as they're about to leave them forever.

They don't care about normal people, just themselves and the Nabateans they have to fight. Hubert's right to distrust them, and not because of their blood, but because of their actions.

So yeah, maybe it's best they go away, they won't have anyone to care about but themselves once Rhea is gone.

Byleth shakes their head; it's too late to linger on such thoughts. It's too late for anything to matter anymore, in truth, but... they still look to the sky. It barely lets any light through the thick, heavy, gray clouds hiding away the stars and moon, just as they had thought, casting the very air around them in darkness...  Except for one, sole ray of light. A small, small gap in the curtain, allowing in a blinding trickle of moonlight. A sword, cutting through the ink that has coated everything, the trees and leaves and grass blessed enough to bask in this splendor bursting alive against all else damned to the shadows. It is fleeting; the clouds threaten the edges, ready to consume the light at a moment's notice. That doesn't matter. It is something more. And Byleth walks, lighter, hopeful, free, having now seen all they need.

Empathic enivronment again! I mean sure, Byleth is leaving Fodlan in the hands of a villain (Function's thoughts, not mine), but they'll be safer separated from her, and that's all that matters, right?

And really, poor Edelgard. Seeing as how she and Hubert acted in accordance with their canonical characterization, I can't help but picture her wracked with worry about what the church assassins did to Byleth, never learning that they just didn't get non-Nabateans and worked themselves up into a fit of paranoia before running out on her.

There's a darkfic in there, frankly.

We're almost done, but not quite. The author's notes are still left.

so yeah as a mixed-race person i fucking hated playing through CF and having to put up with Edelgard and Hubert's open and unashamed racism going uncontested

So yeah, that's really where this all came from. Because of their personal stake in the matter, Function failed to be objective, which is why a story about ideals and the loss of connection to other people became about race and nothing else. This was a very nice example of something I've always believed, that Edelgard antis don't know the story nearly as well as they think they do.

Also, for what it's worth, I spoke to a mixed-race friend of mine whether they agreed with the mixed-race interpretation of Byleth, and she simply replied, "hell no."

so i wrote Byleth

Being a coward who only cares about the Nabateans?

not taking their "you're one of the good ones" shit well mentally until they eventually just fuck off entirely (even if what they're fucking off to isn't, ah. the most optimal situation to fuck off to. to say the least lmao). as best as i could anyway

You didn't do very well. As I said before, all they did was take it personally when Edelgard and Hubert castigated Rhea for her abuse of power, which doesn't reflect well on Byleth.

And we're finally free! It wasn't all that long, but it sure felt long. Hope you at least enjoyed my breakdown of it. Later, everyone!

[valentinoappreciator]

Valentino tries to drown you 💞

Media: Hazbin Hotel

Pairing: Valentino x female reader

Rating: E for explicit

Word count: 1.5k

Tags / warnings: Dubious consent / bordering on non-con, Valentino being a jerk as per canon, impromptu waterboarding, PIV sex, filming, porn making ????, anyway!

Author's notes: I tried to write waterboarding, but I was SO certain I knew what waterboarding actually was that I didn't look it up until I was 500-ish words into the fic, before I realized 'hey I better make double sure I actually write this correctly', and then... can you guess what??? I DID NOT, IN FACT, KNOW WHAT WATERBOARDING IS 😩 So anyway, have Valentino trying to drown you, because I could not be assed to correct this 'little' mistake 😔

-----------------------------

The camera was on. The red dot blinked lazily. Without a care in the world. Unhurried. 

Unlike your heartbeat. 

No, your heart was galloping. Racing like a wild horse over the steppes, it was almost enough to make you queasy, and definitely enough that you visibly trembled where you stood. 

“Aww, amorcito, are you nervous?” Valentino asked with a wide grin, his golden tooth catching the light and nearly blinding you. 

“Why wouldn’t I be? It’s fucking waterboarding!”

“You’re the one who agreed,” he pointed out as he stalked closer. For a change, he had his sleeves rolled up, and your eyes were immediately drawn to his arms. He didn’t look strong, but you knew better. Valentino could hold you down so easily it was embarrassing, and that’s with just two hands. 

“Now, why don’t you let daddy kiss you all better?”

You automatically took a step back, and ended up bumping against the sink. It was full of cold water. 

You laughed nervously. 

“I-I think I changed my mind,” you croaked, digging your fingers into the marble and getting your hands and wrists wet. 

“Oh yeah? That’s too bad. I was looking forward to drowning you,” Valentino said. He sounded so genuine, so painfully sincere, that you nearly fell for it. But only until he grabbed you by the hair, forcefully turned you around, and shoved your face into the sink. 

Your first mistake had been to allow Valentino this close. Physically, mentally, and emotionally. He knew everything about you. Your weaknesses and desires, your fears and strengths. There wasn’t a thing he didn’t know. And even if there had been, Vox would have his back, filling him in next time they saw each other. 

You struggled fiercely in his grip, sloshing water everywhere. Vaguely, you could hear Valentino laugh in that mocking tone of his. 

Your second mistake had been to allow Valentino to talk you into selling your soul to him. Being owned by a sadistic, psychopathic pimp was not how you had imagined you would spend your afterlife. Alas, that was your position. 

Trying to push yourself away from the sink, Valentino pushed your head further into the water. You began panicking. Your mouth was closed tightly, but you wanted to scream. 

Your third mistake was to actually try and scream. Instantly, water flooded your mouth, and you began choking mere seconds later. 

When Valentino hauled your head back up, you gasped, inadvertently inhaling even more water into your already wet lungs. 

“Oh, come now,” he cooed, “you’re not giving up already, are you?” His long, claw-like fingers were tight in your hair, digging into your scalp. You didn’t doubt for a second that they drew blood. 

No words left you, only ragged, raspy panting. You grabbed the sink so hard your knuckles turned white. Your legs trembled fiercely, threatening to give out. Your breathing was wet and shallow, not to mention painful. Each puff of air was followed by the strongest coughing fit you had ever experienced, your body desperately trying to expel the water in your lungs. 

Valentino was, quote-unquote, kind enough to let you get your bearings before he dunked your head under the water once more. The small reprieve was a huge relief, but the fear was ice cold and tangible when he tried to drown you once more. 

This time, you didn’t scream, but you struggled even harder. It was pure instinct. Trying to keep your mouth shut was, largely, unsuccessful, and you still ended up inhaling quite a bit of water. 

What made you freeze, however, was the way Valentino spread your shaking legs with so much ease it was pathetic. You didn’t even struggle! Too focused on not drowning, you shuddered and clamped your mouth and eyes tightly shut. Muffled, seeming to come from far away, Valentino laughed mockingly again. 

When he finally pulled you above water once more, he hauled you up to his chest, his grip of your hair tight enough to pull out a few strands. 

“Remember,” he snickered, “you can only die from an angelic weapon. And don’t worry, babycakes, this water ain't holy. It won’t kill you. At least not permanently.”

“Please,” you rasped wetly, knuckling the sink. You coughed painfully, through wet hair looking into the mirror where you saw Valentino grinning back at you. The sick grin only grew bigger when you pleaded. 

“Are you not having fun? Are you not thrilled by my indulging you?” 

You grit your teeth. Valentino yanked your hair, pulling you flush against his body. It was wonderfully warm, compared to the coldness of the water and fear, and for a second, the briefest of seconds, you found yourself wishing he would embrace you. 

“Doll?” he purred, but now there was an underlying threat in that singular word. It was in the way his eyes narrowed slightly. It was in the way his fingers tightened in your hair. It was in the way he clicked his tongue when you didn’t immediately answer. 

“Yes, daddy.” 

Admitting defeat, you shuddered when Valentino chuckled darkly in your ear. Your head hung forward, your breathing wet, loud, and raspy. 

“Good girl.” 

Your body trembled almost violently. A few weak coughs escaped you. 

“Now, just relax. Let me take care of you, baby.” 

He crooned into your ear, and you loathed how easily you submitted to him. His scent was so strong, so overpowering, and it felt as if you had no other choice but to succumb to his devious, sinful ways. 

“Yes, daddy,” you rasped, closing your eyes. 

“Don’t I always treat my girls with respect?”

No.

“Yes, daddy.” 

“Good. Now, relax, and this won’t hurt a bit.”

You whimpered quietly. Your entire body tensed. 

“I said, relax,” he snarled, and you knew better than to struggle. 

So, despite not quite relaxing, you also didn’t fight it when Valentino pressed you against the sink with two hands, his other two going to free his cock. When it slapped against your rear, you shuddered. You had always loved his cock, but right now... well, it’s not like you had a choice right now. 

The head was already leaking pre-cum. Wet and slimy, Valentino let out a quiet hiss when he let it rub against the cleft of your ass. With two hands, he spread your cheeks.

“You may play the role well, doll, but you can’t run from it.”

“Run from what?” you whispered hoarsely. 

“The simple fact that you like this,” he said darkly. With one other hand, he grabbed his cock, and with the last one, he parted your labia slightly, making you shudder. 

“The simple fact is,” he continued, crooning against your ear as he guided his throbbing cock to your hole, “that you’re a whore.”

He drawled out the slur while at the same time pushing inside you, pulling a wretched moan from between your gritted teeth. Snickering darkly, Valentino plunged deep inside you, until his hips rested against your ass. Letting go of your ass cheeks, labia, and his cock, he instead reached around to fondle your tits. 

He let out a deeply heartfelt groan as he squeezed them in his hands. His grip was so tight it was verging on painful, and you whimpered, making a grimace that he caught in the mirror. 

“Oh? Don’t you like daddy’s treatment?” he grinned, pinching your nipples harshly and forcing you to cry out. “You wound me, babygirl, absolutely wound me, with such cruelty!”

You were about to cry out again, his fingers tugging roughly at your nipples, but the sound died in your throat when Valentino, in one swift motion, pulled back and then slammed deep and hard inside you once more. 

And, just like that, the mood was set - his thrusts were deep and ruthless, his grip tight enough to bruise, and his red, sticky saliva dripped out of his mouth. It landed in the water, in your hair, and on your back, where it trickled down your body. There was so much of it; it was, on one hand, ridiculously disgusting, and on the other, ridiculously hot. 

“Daddy, please,” you managed to croak, seconds before Valentino dunked your head underwater. 

Unable to keep your mouth closed, you inhaled so much water you genuinely thought you were going to drown. You choked and struggled against him, but his grip was much too strong for your thrashing to bear fruit. Screaming did, incredibly, nothing but allow more water to enter your lungs. 

Valentino kept fucking into you, and despite the sloshing of water, and the sound of his voice being muffled, you could hear him moan loudly. Each of his thrusts jerked your body, and your head repeatedly knocked against the sink. 

You were halfway unconscious when he pulled you out of the water again. Your body was mostly limp, and your head lolled from side to side. Valentino merely laughed, slapping you across the face a few times. 

“Wakey-wakey, my little darling,” he cooed, his usual wide, trademark grin on his face, “we’re not even close to being done.”

[sineala]

Tony Stark and Arthuriana

Coming to you by special request, a very long post about 616 Tony's interest in Arthuriana, with a focus on all of Tony's run-ins with Morgan le Fay!

I feel like I should disclaim the extent of my knowledge here, which is that I still haven't managed to read anywhere near every issue of Iron Man -- at least, not yet, anyway -- so I'm just going by the things I know I've read, and Morgan le Fay's Marvel wiki entry is frustratingly under-cited, so it's very possible I've missed something relevant, but I'm pretty sure I've got the big stuff down. My other disclaimer here is that I'm not as big an Arthurian nerd as Tony is, which is to say that most of my familiarity comes from modern retellings -- T. H. White's The Once and Future King, Marion Zimmer Bradley's The Mists of Avalon, Mary Stewart's The Crystal Cave, Rosemary Sutcliff's Sword at Sunset -- and not so much the usual classic sources on the Matter of Britain, though I've read bits and pieces of them.

(This is because I wanted to read versions of them that were as close to the original as possible but so far have not ended up finishing any of them because, well, that's hard. So I've never read the Mabinogion because I do not know Welsh. I've got the Norton Critical Edition of Malory's Le Morte d'Arthur, which is probably the best student edition if you're looking for something without modernized spellings, as I was. I've also got -- well, okay, it's my wife's but I'm borrowing it -- a relatively recent Boydell & Brewer edition (ed. Reeve, tr. Wright) of Geoffrey of Monmouth's Historia Regum Britanniae (History of the Kings of Britain), which is, you guessed it, in Latin with a facing English translation. I haven't gotten very far in it because, in case you didn't know this about Latin texts, the beginning is pretty much always the hardest, so I gave up and read some Plautus adaptations instead. Anyway, if for some reason you too want to read Geoffrey of Monmouth in the original Latin I'd recommend that one, but I can't recommend any particular English translations because I've never read one by itself. I bet you didn't think you'd be getting Latin prose recommendations in this post. I mean, maybe you did; it is me, after all.)

Okay. Right. King Arthur. Here we go.

We've got:

Flashbacks to Tony's childhood in late Iron Man volume 1

A brief discussion of Morgan's origin story and Avengers #187

Iron Man vol 1 #149-150: Doomquest

What If vol 1 #33: What if Iron Man was trapped in the time of King Arthur?

Iron Man vol 1 #249-250: Recurring Knightmare

Iron Man: Legacy of Doom #1-4

Avengers vol 3 #1-4: The Morgan Conquest

Civil War: The Confession

Mighty Avengers vol 1 #9-11: Time Is On No One's Side

In terms of universe-internal chronology, we know from Iron Man #287, from 1992, that Tony has been a fan of King Arthur since childhood. This is an issue of a fandom-favorite arc which features Tony having a lot of childhood flashbacks, including the famous "Stark men are made of iron" line (in #286) that for some reason MCU fandom decided it loved; I mean, seriously, I've seen that quoted in way more MCU fic than 616 fic. But slightly later, in #287, we get an entire page devoted to Tony's love of King Arthur.

The narration reads: "Over the next few years, I learned as my father intended. Discipline of body. Strength of character. But in what free time I was allowed, I worked my way through the school's library. At thirteen, I discovered Mallory [sic], who showed me a whole new world. A world of dedication to a cause greater than oneself. Of chivalry and honor. And the fantastic deeds -- of armored heroes."

The art shows Tony as a child sitting under a tree, reading a book labeled Mort D'Arthur by Mallory [sic] -- no, don't ask me why nobody at Marvel checked how to spell either the name of the book or its author -- and daydreaming of King Arthur, the Sword in the Stone, knights, et cetera. Just in case you somehow missed the extremely blatant hint that we are meant to understand that Tony's knight obsession heavily influenced him becoming Iron Man as an adult, we see one of his armors mixed in with all the drawings of knights. So, yes, canonically Tony is Iron Man at least partly because he's a giant King Arthur nerd, which I think is so very sweet. I love him. He's such a dork!

(This issue is currently in print in the Iron Man Epic Collection War Machine, should you need your own copy.)

This isn't actually the only reference to Tony as a King Arthur fanboy in this era of canon, either; a little later, in IM #298, we see that one of Tony's passwords is actually "Mallory." (Yeah, no, they still couldn't spell. But it's cute.)

But in terms of actual publication order, this is definitely not the first time we have seen in canon that Tony is into Arthuriana, as I'm sure you all know. I would assume, in fact, that giving Tony a childhood interest in Arthuriana is because Doomquest is one of the most beloved Iron Man story arcs of all time, and that all started at least a decade before IM #287 here was published.

The villain of Doomquest -- the one who isn't Doctor Doom, at least -- is Morgan le Fay. Yes, that Morgan le Fay. Yes, Arthur's evil half-sister Morgan le Fay. Yes, all of this King Arthur stuff is canonically real history on Earth-616. Morgan's first appearance in Marvel, per the wiki, was in Black Knight #1 (1955), which I have not read, and judging by the summary I feel like this is probably just supposed to be a straight-up comic retelling of Arthurian legends for kids; I don't think Marvel really had the whole Marvel Universe in mind as a concept in 1955, so I'm not sure this was meant to connect to anything else. I feel like this is another one of those instances of Marvel discovering that they can write comics about characters in the public domain for free -- like, I'm pretty sure that's how we also ended up with, like, Norse, Greek, and Roman mythology wedged into 616.

As far as I can tell from the wiki, the first time Morgan tangled with the Avengers (or indeed the larger 616 universe) in any way actually predated Doomquest -- it was in an early arc in Spider-Woman (#2-6) and then Avengers #187, which came out in 1979, actually right when Demon in a Bottle was happening over in Iron Man comics. If you read #187, Iron Man is not in it because he's off the team due to his drinking problem and also his accidentally murdering the Carnelian ambassador problem. So Wonder Man's filling in instead. This issue is part of Michelinie's rather sporadic Avengers run, which makes sense, I guess, considering where we see Morgan next.

Anyway, Avengers #187 is the classic issue where Wanda is possessed by Chthon, but what you may not remember from Chthon's backstory (I sure didn't!) is that he was summoned by Morgan le Fay because she was the first person who tried to wield the Darkhold to summon him. As you can imagine, this did not work out especially well for her and her followers and they had to seal Chthon away in Wundagore Mountain, which was where Wanda found him. (The Spider-Woman stuff is only slightly earlier and also appears to be about Morgan and the Darkhold; the Darkhold is not one of the areas of 616 canon I am especially conversant with, alas. It's on my to-read list.)

Doomquest, as you probably know, was a classic Iron Man two-parter in Layton & Michelinie's first Iron Man run that set up Tony and Doom as rivals; Doomquest itself was IM #149-150, in 1981, and then in their second IM run they came back and did a sequel in 1989, Recurring Knightmare (IM #249-250), and then the much later four-part sequel to that was the 2008 miniseries Iron Man: Legacy of Doom, which was also by Layton & Michelinie but generally does not seem to be as popular as the first two parts. They've all been reprinted, if you're looking for copies; I have a Doomquest hardcover that collects the first four issues and then a separate Legacy of Doom hardcover. Currently in the Iron Man Epic Collection line there's a volume called Doom, which confusingly only collects the 249-250 part of the storyline (as well as surrounding issues), because for some reason the first Layton & Michelinie run isn't in Epics yet but the second one is. So the beginning of Doomquest isn't currently in print, as far as I can tell. I'm sure you can find it anyway.

So what's Doomquest about? Okay, so you remember how Doctor Doom's mother's soul is stuck in hell for all eternity? Well, Doom's obviously interested in getting her back, and the strategy he has embarked on is to try to team up with other powerful magicians who can help him out, and he thinks Morgan le Fay would be a good choice, for, uh, his quest. Doom's quest. A Doomquest, if you will. (If you've ever read Doctor Strange & Doctor Doom: Triumph & Torment, you're familiar with the part where he later ends up waylaying Strange for this and they go to hell together. And if you haven't read Triumph & Torment, you really should, because it's amazing.)

So Doom is off to his time machine to go team up with Morgan le Fay and Tony thinks Doom is up to something -- Doom has been stealing components for his time machine from a lot of people, including Tony -- and he follows him and it turns out one of Doom's lackeys has a grudge and wants to trap Doom in the past forever, and Tony gets caught up in it. Now they're both in Camelot. Surprise! #149 is actually all setup; they don't get to Camelot until #150.

IM #150 begins with Doom and Tony thrown back into the past; there's a fandom-famous splash page of them locked in combat, only to realize that they have found themselves in Camelot.

They are then discovered by knights; Doom would very much like to attack them, but Tony, who naturally would be happy to LARP Camelot forever, persuades him to play nice. Also Doom thinks Iron Man is only Tony's bodyguard so he keeps referring to him as "lackey," much to Tony's annoyance. Somehow everyone thinks they're sorcerers. Can't imagine why. The knights take them to meet King Arthur himself, and Tony has clearly had his introduction all ready to go, as he introduces himself in a timeline-appropriate manner, says he's here to apprehend Doom, and demonstrates his "magic" by levitating Arthur's throne. Doom's response is essentially "I'm the king of Latveria," which is, y'know, also valid. So they're guests at Camelot for the night while Arthur figures out what to do with them.

We then have a page devoted to Tony alone in his room, musing sadly about how alien he feels, how he doesn't know if he'll ever get home, how he could never fit in here without his beloved technology. Then a Sexy Lady shows up to keep him company for the night, and he decides maybe it's not all bad. Thanks, Marvel. I guess they can't all be winners.

Doom is using his evening much more productively; he compels one of the servants to tell him where Morgan's castle is, because he's still interested in having that team-up. Then he jets off. Literally. He has a jetpack.

The next morning Arthur's like "one of you is still here and one of you has punched a hole through the castle wall and flown off to join Morgan so I guess I know which of you is more trustworthy." He then explains to Tony who Morgan is, because Tony professes ignorance, because clearly we had not yet retconned in Tony's love of Arthuriana. Tony offers to go fight Doom and Morgan with Arthur; meanwhile, Morgan and Doom have teamed up and Morgan has offered to help get Doom's mother out of hell if he commands her undead armies against Arthur because for Reasons she can't command them herself anymore. So that's a thing that happens.

So, yes, it's Tony and Arthur versus Doom and Morgan. Fight fight fight!

Tony tries Doom first but then decides to hunt Morgan down, and in the ensuing fight we get what I think is Tony's first ever "I hate magic," a complaint that we all know he still makes even to this day.

Anyway, Tony freezes a dragon with Freon (mmm, technology) and Morgan gets upset and disappears, so the battle comes to an end, and of course Doom is extremely mad at Tony because he blames Tony for Morgan not sticking around to save Doom's mom, because I guess Doom trusted her to keep her word? Weird. (Like I said, for the next chapter of Doom saving his mother, go read Triumph & Torment.)

Doom says if he and Tony work together, the components in both of their armors can send them both home. So Tony has to trust Doom. Which he does, because he really has no other choice. They build a time machine and Tony makes Doom agree to a 24-hour truce when they get back, so they can both get home. So it all works out okay, and they end up in the present, and Doom tells him, ominously, that they will meet again. Okay, then. That concludes the original Doomquest. It's fun! You can see why fandom likes it.

So that's all well and good, but you might have noticed that Tony's ability to get home hinged on Doom actually being trustworthy. And Doom was. But what if Doom hadn't been? What if he'd just stranded Tony in Camelot forever As you may have surmised from the form of that question, that is in fact a question Marvel asked themselves, because, yes, there's a What If about this! What If v1 #33 is "What if Iron Man was trapped in the time of King Arthur?"

The divergence point from canon, as you can probably guess, is the very end of Doomquest. Instead of Doom bringing Tony home, he deceives him and leaves him in Camelot. And since Tony cannibalized a lot of the tech from his armor to make the time machine, he doesn't have a way to go home.

This is not a story where Tony comes up with a way to go home after all. He really doesn't get to go home. But instead of drowning his sorrows in mead -- because, remember, Demon in a Bottle has already happened and Tony is sober now -- he decides he might as well just play the hand he's dealt. So with what's left of his armor, he defeats some enemies that Morgan rounds up to send against Camelot. And for his services, he's knighted. He is now Sir Anthony.

Tony acknowledges that he is both living the dream and would also like very, very much to go home.

He does end up having some fun in Camelot; it's not all miserable. But he obviously doesn't want to be there.

So if you're at all familiar with King Arthur, you know how this goes, right? Arthur fights Mordred and Mordred kills him. And that does happen in this version. Except Tony is right there, and with his dying words, Arthur asks Tony to rule Camelot... and Tony agrees.

So, yes, Tony Stark becomes king of the Britons after Arthur's death and he never goes home again. The end. Man, I love What Ifs.

Heading back to main 616 continuity, there is still more of this arc to go. The original Doomquest was only two issues, yes, but it was popular enough that Layton & Michelinie did a sequel a hundred issues later, in their second run of Iron Man, and that's Iron Man #249-250, Recurring Knightmare. (In the intervening issues were Denny O'Neil's IM run, specifically the second drinking arc (#160-200), and then Layton & Michelinie came back and most famously gave us Armor Wars (#225-232). I would have to say that Armor Wars is definitely the standout fandom-favorite arc of their second IM run; for their first one, I think a lot of people would have a hard time choosing between Doomquest and Demon.) But anyway, yes. Recurring Knightmare.

Recurring Knightmare is... well, the best way I can describe it is "a trip." It is definitely a sequel to Doomquest, and it is also definitely not a sequel you  would ever have expected to see for Doomquest.

Much like #149, #249 is pretty much just setup. Fun setup, but the big action is in the next issue. We open with Doom in Latveria, on his throne, pondering which of his servants he should have disintegrated. Anyway, he's just hanging out there when a mysterious object appears. In California, Tony is suited up and entertaining the crowd at a mall opening when the same object also appears! He takes it to his lab. Please note that this is after the Kathy Dare incident, so Tony is still recovering and is walking with a cane. Doom sees on the news that Iron Man has found the same object, which cannot be carbon-dated, and he shows up at Tony's house. He criticizes Tony's taste in art.

Anyway, Doom basically orders Tony to work with him. Tony refuses, and then Doom sends some robots to attempt to steal Tony's version of the object because he thinks if he has them both he will be powerful. Doom manages to steal it, and when he puts the pieces together, both he and Tony disappear.

So where do they go, you might ask? Camelot?

Not exactly. The future! There is a great callback to the Doomquest splash page.

It turns out they are in London in 2093. Merlin brought them there. Tony still hates magic. And in the future, King Arthur is still there, except he is now a child, because he has been reborn. But he does remember Tony from Doomquest, at which point Tony kneels. Doom, of course, is not impressed. He asks why they have been brought to the future.

The answer is that things are going wrong in the future. If you do not personally remember United States politics in the 1980s, I need you to google the words "Strategic Defense Initiative" right now. I'll wait.

Back with me? Okay, so this is a future where Reagan's Star Wars program actually happened the way he wanted it to, and the satellites are still hanging around the Earth in the future and messing everything up, and Arthur and Merlin need Tony and Doom's help to stop them. Doom once again flies away with his jetpack, of course.

Tony is game to help, but he's not in an armor that can stay in space for long. This is when Merlin takes him and Arthur to the mall and Tony manages to get everything to upgrade his armor at Radio Shack. You see what I meant about this issue being weird.

Tony is out in space trying to disarm the SDI platform, which is where he runs into his future descendant, Andros Stark, who is in armor you will probably recognize from Iron Man 2020. He is referred to as "the resurrected spawn of Iron Man 2020" so I assume he's actually directly related to Arno rather than a direct descendant of Tony; Wiki confirms that Arno is his grandfather. This is all from way before Arno was contemporaneous with Tony in canon. Anyway, he's fighting Tony.

Oh, by the way, Future Doom exists. Future Doom would like to rule this future Earth and for some reason Andros would like to help him. Meanwhile, Present Doom finds out from Merlin that he can't leave except by magic and he can't leave without Tony, so he is reluctantly on Tony's side.

They need help from the Lady of the Lake, except the lake has been paved over and is now a parking lot. Merlin makes the lake come back and then of course they get Excalibur. Arthur is a kid, so he can't wield a longsword; Doom assumes he's going to take it because he is basically a king, and he's pretty grumpy when the sword picks Tony. Tony then uses Excalibur to destroy the space lasers, and I bet that is a sentence you never thought you would read. It's pretty cool. Tony concludes that magic has its good points. Tony stops Andros and Doom stops, uh, himself, and the world is saved and they get to go home. Also, Doom finds out Tony is Iron Man, but when Merlin sends them back he conveniently erases their memories, so neither of them remember anything about this and Tony's secret is still safe. And that's the sequel to Doomquest.

And if you think that's weird, wait until you see Legacy of Doom.

Iron Man: Legacy of Doom is a four-issue miniseries from 2008, also by Layton and Michelinie. Even though it's from 2008, it's set during a much more classic time in Iron Man, continuing on from where we left off in this Doomquest saga. We start with a framing story in 2008. Tony, who has Extremis now, is busy scrapping some of his older armors and reviewing his logs when he suddenly remembers that there was a whole thing with Doom that happened that he seems to have forgotten about until right now. So the whole thing is narrated by Tony in flashback.

Tony's in space fixing a satellite when a hologram of Doom shows up and summons him to Latveria. It's not really clear why Doom needs Tony's help in particular here, but Doom tells Tony that he's discovered that Mephisto would like to bring about the end of the world, which Doom finds, and I quote, "presumptive." So Doom has his Time Cube, and with it he takes Tony to hell.

(Yes, I promise this is relevant to Doomquest. There will be some Arthuriana shortly.)

Doom brings Tony to Mephisto, and it turns out it's a setup! Doom trades Tony for an item he wants from Mephisto, leaves, and Tony's going to be trapped in hell forever! Oh no! (I mean, he's not. But it's quite a cliffhanger.)

At the beginning of issue #2, we find out what the Arthurian connection is, which is that we learned that after the events of Doomquest, Morgan had been granted sanctuary by Mephisto in exchange for a shard of Excalibur that she had somehow stolen. Doom still wants Morgan's help with some magic -- he doesn't mention what it is here, but he says he needs someone of Pendragon blood, and that'd be her -- so he traded Tony to Mephisto in exchange for, I'm guessing, Morgan and the Excalibur shard.

I have probably mentioned this elsewhere, but Legacy of Doom #2 is one of my favorite issues of Iron Man ever, solely because of the next scene. We return to Tony in hell. Howard Stark is also in hell, and he is now a demon, and Tony has to fight him. Mephisto brings popcorn and watches. This is the one time in canon when Tony actually confronts his father, and okay, yes, it's a fistfight in hell and Howard is a demon, but that's comics for you. Howard spends several pages insulting Tony -- specifically insulting his masculinity, but that's a whole other essay -- until he finally insults Maria too, and that's when Tony fights back, because his mother taught him to be good. Honestly if you're a Tony fan I'd recommend this issue just for that scene.

Anyway, we go back to the Doom and Morgan plot, and Morgan casts the spell Doom wanted, which was fusing the Excalibur shard with Doom's armor. Then Doom sends her back to Camelot rather than hell, because he's still mad that she never helped him get his mom out of hell like she said she would.

Tony freezes Howard with Freon -- yes, the same trick he pulled on the dragon back in Doomquest -- and tells him, "You're no father of mine." It is immensely satisfying.

(I had been going to mention that I thought it was a shame that neither canon nor fandom seems to have really engaged with this confrontation, and I know canon never believes in narrative closure but fandom sure does -- and then, anyway, it occurred to me that since the framing story of Tony remembering this is set when Tony has Extremis, there's a very good chance that he no longer remembers remembering it. Goddammit, Marvel.)

(If I got to retcon one canon thing about Tony, I think "the entirety of World's Most Wanted" is up there. I mean, okay, a lot of things are up there, but WMW is definitely on the shortlist.)

Okay. Tony has now engineered his way out of hell, and he's back with Doom in Latveria. Doom has Excalibur. Doom would very much like to fight him. While wielding Excalibur. You get the sense that this is going to be bad. Another cliffhanger!

Legacy of Doom #3 opens with Tony destroying Doom's lab to buy time and running away from Doom and Excalibur. I should probably mention that Doom still doesn't know Tony is Iron Man (anymore), so he thinks he is dealing only with Iron Man, Tony Stark's lackey. Meanwhile, some scientists at SI think there's something weird going on with space. Meanwhile meanwhile, Tony is in a forest taking a breather when a mysterious old man walks up to him.

It's Merlin! Surprise! Merlin wants Tony's help to stop Doom from doing whatever he's doing with Excalibur. The sword makes you invincible and the scabbard makes you invulnerable, so Merlin sends Tony to Scotland on a fetch quest for the scabbard. Doom has now magically sent the sword in search of the scabbard, so the sword flies away to meet it and Doom follows. Turns out the thing that's wrong with space is a thing that's going to hit Earth at the exact place Tony and Doom are. What a coincidence! So Tony and Doom get trapped in a stone circle and fight some stone warriors and then Tony ends up with the scabbard. And by "ends up with," I mean it fuses to his armor. Next issue!

Legacy of Doom #4 is when things really, really get weird. A giant demon made of eyes (???) appears, and this demon is apparently what Doom had been preparing to fight (because it's mad that Doom stole one of its spellbooks), and now he can't, because the sword and the scabbard aren't together. Thanks, Shellhead.

That's when Merlin shows up and says all is not lost. They can defeat the demon... if they put the sword into the scabbard.

"But I'm the scabbard now!" Tony says, uncomprehending.

"Yes," Merlin says. "You are."

Then Tony gets it.

So, yes, Doom has to, um, penetrate Tony. With Excalibur. I love comics. I love comics so much.

So that's a thing that happens.

And then Tony flies off and, I guess, resolves to never, ever think about any of this again.

We head back to the framing story, in which Tony, now having remembered all of this, flies to Britain, buys the land the lake is on, and paves it over, presumably so it will be there for Merlin to bring back in Iron Man #250. The end.

Whew.

Okay, yeah, I know I didn't have to summarize the whole thing, but Legacy of Doom here really is one of my favorite Iron Man miniseries. And I just want to share the love. Please read it. It's great.

But the Arthuriana fun doesn't end there! In fact, now we get an Arthurian-themed arc that actually isn't in Iron Man comics. It's in Avengers! Iron Man is involved, though.

(There is also apparently a Morgan arc in Avengers #240. I actually haven't read it. It seems to be yet another Spider-Woman arc. I get the impression that this isn't really Arthuriana other than having Morgan in it fighting Jess, though, so it doesn't seem quite as relevant. Morgan also apparently has some appearances in FF, Journey into Mystery, and Marvel Team-Up, but those seem like more of just basic villainy. Also, probably not involving Tony.)

Kurt Busiek's 1998 Avengers run, volume 3, is in large part the kind of Avengers run that is a nostalgic love letter to older comics. Heroes are heroes and villains are villains and good triumphs over evil. The Avengers all live in the mansion and are BFFs. I love it. It does assume that you are already a fan of the Avengers, because it starts out by summoning pretty much everyone who has ever been an Avenger and is available to the mansion, and that is... a lot of people. Thirty-nine, by my count. Also, when the entire team is magically whisked away, we are treated to the following narration, as Steve disappears: "And Captain America's last thought, as the world goes white around him, and he with it -- is that Iron Man would hate this."

The narration doesn't tell you why Iron Man would hate this, or how Captain America would know that Iron Man hates this. This is not explained later on. But if you have read comics -- or if you have read the above summary of Doomquest -- you know that Tony is absolutely, one hundred percent, thinking, "I hate magic." And Steve knows it.

The reference is not relevant to the plot; if you don't get it, you'll be fine. But that's what I mean when I say this is a nostalgia run. There are definitely Easter eggs for people who have read a bunch of comics. Busiek does this a whole lot in his work -- there's a reason you can buy an annotated edition of Marvels -- and, yeah, it happens here too. Just know that there will be references you're not getting, if you're new to comics.

Anyway. So Busiek's run actually starts out with an Arthurian arc, #1-4, "The Morgan Conquest." The name is a dead giveaway. Yes, Morgan le Fay is back. Again. For once, Doom is not involved.

The Avengers are all back from their sojourn on Counter-Earth after fighting Onslaught -- don't worry about it -- and mysterious things are happening. There are a lot of monster attacks. So pretty much everyone who has ever been an Avenger is summoned to the mansion, at which point we learn from Thor about some mystical artifacts that are being stolen. (They are the Norn Stones and also the Twilight Sword. That sounds like something from a Zelda game, doesn't it?) The Avengers go to try to stop this, end up in Tintagel, and then they run into Mordred. He wants to capture Wanda, presumably for Magic Reasons. Morgan le Fay casts a spell on all of them, reshaping reality. Yes, all of them. Surprise!

So now all the Avengers are living in a medieval castle and/or town; Morgan is their queen, and thanks to the power of mind-control they are all basically living in Ye Olden Times. The Avengers are all some variety of knight, except for Wanda, who is chained up in the dungeon so Morgan can steal her magic and use it to fuel all this reality-warping.

Wanda calls for help, and that snaps Steve (Yeoman America!) out of the mind control (or altered reality or whatever you want to call it) pretty fast, because Steve's always been very good at resisting mind control, and then Steve promptly goes and snaps Clint out of it, because I guess Steve is also good at inspiring people to snap out of mind control. "Oh, man!" Clint says. "Not another alternate reality! Not again!" (I assume he's referring to Counter-Earth? Maybe?)

So Steve and Clint go around reassembling the Avengers and orienting them as to reality. They get Jan and Monica easily, but then Steve insists on trying to get Tony because, I guess, he likes Tony and would really like to hang around Tony, who is half-naked and asleep in his bedroom, and certainly I am reading nothing whatsoever into this. Clint tells Steve it's not going to work. Tony has historically been fairly susceptible to mind control; it was only pretty recently at this point that he'd been doing Kang's bidding in The Crossing. But the more serious impediment is that this is Tony Stark and he would obviously like to LARP being a knight forever and ever. Tony, therefore, does not believe Steve, and throws him and Clint out of his bedroom and into the barracks.

"Iron Man's a good guy, normally," Clint says. "But he's waaay too into his whole nobleman/lord of the manor trip. That spell musta hit him right where he lives!"

Clint speaks the truth, clearly.

Anyway, they go around and manage to make pretty much every Avenger in the room other than Tony snap out, and attempt to rebel against Morgan while Tony is stil fighting them because he is Still A Knight. There's a lot of punching, because some of the Avengers still aren't free; they weren't ones Steve found.

The day is saved when Wanda manages to channel Wonder Man and break free. This gives the Avengers a fighting chance against Morgan and the Avengers are all lending Wanda their power when Tony finally snaps out of it and is on the side of good. 

Then they take Morgan down, go home, and attempt to figure out which of these thirty-nine people should be on the active Avengers team. Hooray.

But that's not the end of Morgan le Fay showing up to screw around with Tony's life! There's more to come! Not much, but there is one that I know of, and at least one more memorable reference. 

(I haven't read all her appearances or anything, but one of them definitely involves Tony; I can't swear that he doesn't appear in any of the other books Morgan shows up in, but it'd be a cameo for him, because I only know of one more arc that she's in in a book that Tony stars in.)

In a few more years, we have now entered the part of Marvel Comics history where Brian Michael Bendis writes all the Avengers books at the same time for, like, seven years running. It was sure A Time. There were a lot of word bubbles.

And the thing about Bendis is, Bendis looooooves Doomquest. If you're familiar with the very end of his tenure at Marvel where he made Doom be Iron Man after Tony got knocked into a coma in Civil War II, you have probably figured out already that he likes Doom. But he also likes Doomquest, specifically.

I mean, if nothing else, the giant splash page in The Confession where Maleev redrew the climactic Doomquest fight while Bendis had Tony talk about how deeply meaningful to his understanding of the world this all was -- and how it allowed him to predict Civil War -- was probably a big clue, right?

As far as I am aware, Morgan le Fay makes exactly one more appearance in Tony's life. And that's in Mighty Avengers vol 1 #9-11. Only one of those issues is named, so I'm going to assume the arc is named after it: Time Is On No One's Side.

You remember Mighty Avengers, right? The deal with the Avengers books at the time was that after Bendis exploded the mansion and made the team disband in Avengers Disassembled, the main Avengers book was no longer called just Avengers. Instead, the main Avengers book was New Avengers, and that was the only Avengers book. Then Civil War happened, Steve got killed, and New Avengers became the book about what was left of the SHRA resistance (i.e., Steve's side) after the war. So about halfway through New Avengers, Mighty Avengers starts up, and Mighty Avengers is about an extremely fucked-up and grief-stricken Tony Stark trying to run the official government-sanctioned Avengers team, with Carol's help. This is the comic with the arc where Tony turned into naked girl Ultron. You remember.

So, anyway, there's this Mighty Avengers arc where Doom is Up To Something (there are symbiotes and a satellite involved) and somehow Tony and the Avengers end up in Latveria, punching Doom. Also, by the way, Doom is visiting Morgan in the past because he likes her. The Avengers attacking his castle made him have to come back to the present, so he's kind of cranky. And he fights Tony, and in the course of the fight, his time platform explodes and sends Doom and Tony and also the Sentry to... the past.

This is one of those times where you should definitely look up the comics if possible because the way the past is visually indicated here is that it's colored with halftone dots the way you would expect old comics to be colored, although they have modern shading and color palettes. It's very charmingly retro.

So the three of them are stuck in New York in the past, and naturally they would like to leave. There's one person in this time who has a time machine and it is, of course, Reed Richards. Doom and Tony have a lot of banter in this arc; I think it's entertaining.

Sentry has to be the one to break them all into the Baxter Building because of that power he has where no one will remember him. So they do that, travel forward in time, and end up in Latveria in the present again except Doom is gone and also things are currently exploding where they are.

Doom, of course, has made a side trip to visit Morgan again and he asks her to help him build an army, because I guess this is what their relationship is like. So the rest of the Avengers are captured by what look to me like Mindless Ones and are in a cave in magic bondage, because comics. Jess comments that at least they aren't naked, because she too is remembering that memorable New Avengers trip to the Savage Land. Doom threatens Carol in some creepy sexist ways and eventually it turns out that Tony and the Sentry are fine and everyone kicks Doom's ass. Business as usual.

And the last page of the arc is Morgan alone, wondering where Doom is. So technically Morgan and Tony don't come face to face here, but I think she counts as being at least partially responsible for ruining Tony's day here. And then Secret Invasion happens and Tony has a very, very bad day.

There are a few more Morgan appearances after this, but, as I said, I don't think any of them involve Tony. She shows up in Dark Avengers, apparently, which was one of the post-Civil War Avengers titles I didn't read, and I know that recently, on the X-Men side of things, she's been in Tini Howard's Excalibur one, which I have only read a little of. No Tony there. Just a lot of Morgan and Betsy Braddock and Brian Braddock and the Otherworld.

If you are interested in Morgan's other appearances, you might like this Marvel listicle that is Morgan le Fay's six most malicious acts. I pulled some of the Darkhold backstory from their discussion, but it's not really focused on Morgan and Tony.

So there you have it! That's everything I know about Tony's love for King Arthur and every run-in I know about that he's had with Morgan le Fay! One of two terrible people in Tony's life named Morgan! Actually, I don't think we've seen Morgan Stark in a while. I wonder if he's alive. There should be a Morgan & Morgan team-up. I should probably stop typing and post this.

The tl;dr point is that you should all read Doomquest and its sequels, especially Legacy of Doom. They're great!

[storyofmychoices]

Hi! Can you please answer for the fanfic asks A, D, H, K, M, V and Y? I hope you're having a lovely day!

yay! thank you for the ask! 🥰🥰🥰

I hope I got them all!

A: Of the fanfic you’ve written, which is your favorite and why?

This question is so hard. 😭 I've written hundreds of fics just for Thomas Hunt alone and then hundreds more between the other characters. I love each one for different reasons. I wouldn't even know how to pick a favorite. But it would probably be something for Thomas Hunt (just because I'm biased like that lol)

Though my Orphanage series for Mal and Daenarya has a really special place in my heart.

D: What’s the most personal fanfic you’ve written?

I feel like there are bits and pieces of me in a lot of my stories or characters. Definitely Alex and Bogart! But as for a singular story, probably Sea Lions, Tiger Sharks, and Penguins, oh, my! In it Bryce, Olivia, and the gang visit the Boston aquarium, where Olivia wants to steal a penguin. When I visited Boston and went to the aquarium, I definitely made a plan to borrow (without asking) one of the little blue fairy penguins. I tried to convince my friends to help, but alas, I still have no penguin pet! But I do have a little blue penguin plush just like Olivia's .... but I had to buy it myself. I didn't have a beautiful Bryce to get me one. That fic is 100% based on real events!

H: How would you describe your writing style?

all the fluff all the time, fluff without plot, and small moment stories (did I mention the fluff yet?) oh and heart warming stories

K:  Do you have a guilty pleasures in fic (reading or writing)?

In writing, I don't think so? I think I'm happy to write everything I write for even if people don't like it or consider it weird. If anything, I guess Justin Mercado would be a guilty pleasure since I enjoyed writing him, even though I got a lot of hate for it.

In reading, I definitely enjoy reading dom/sub, master/slave, and MMF stories 🙈🙈🙈.

M: What’s the weirdest AU scenario you’ve ever come up with?  Did it turn into a story?

I have a Hollywood U/Red Carpet Diaries AU that is inspired by the concept behind the Broadway musical If/Then, where one decision can set you on two very different paths.

It would focus on the choice of whether Thomas and Alex get together (in HWU) or not so it would follow their lives after both versions of that choice until the timeline of the RCD series, however it definitely focused more on them not getting together since I'd consider everything else I write as part of the world where they do get together.

So it isn't my happily ever after Thomas and Alex. It's dark and angsty and doesn't have a happy ending. I'm not sure that qualifies as weird but it's definitely OOC for me. I want to write it because I think it would be an amazing story, but I can't bring myself to break their hearts and mine, and possibly cause them physical harm. It currently has 2 dark endings and one is a major character death. ahhh!! (Though I guess you can consider them getting together and my regular writing as the 3rd ending aka the happy one, but still it's all so painful to think about)

V: Are there certain comments you’ve received on your stories that have stuck with you?

Any comments that mention how my story cheered them up on a bad day, made them cry (in a good / happy way), or ones that quote back my writing, those are the ones that always stick with me and I always go back to reread them.

3 lovely readers who have left comments that have stuck with me over the years are @lilyoffandoms @quixoticdreamer16 and @ariondevereux (BratzLahela😭 Miss you!!!).

Y: What are your thoughts on your personal satisfaction with something you’ve written vs. the popularity of your stories?  Do you tend to be most satisfied with your most popular stories?  

Oo this question! I know I love the serotonin boost I get from popular stories. I know I shouldn't crave that, but I'm flawed and human and I do love to get reblogs and comments. However, some of my favorite stories are for characters that are less popular so they definitely don't get as much attention. I mean poor Thomas Hunt has like 3 fans left. I'd love to get hundreds of notes but I accept that's not in the realm of possibility. Thankfully I love Thomas more than I care about being popular. I would write him even if there were no people reading! lol

On good days, I am happy with what I write and I can hold on to that despite the popularity of it, but sometimes it's easy to think "well this character/story got a lot of attention, I guess I should do more of this." I try not to do that and just focus on what I want to tell, but yeah, it's not always easy.

Woo that was so much fun! Thank you so so much for the ask! I know I'm usually the worst with answering asks so I tried really hard to make sure I did this one in a timely manner. I appreciate your ask and you for being so lovely and supportive always! 💛💛💛

[earlgreytea68]

Tagged by @carbonbased000 and @pyrchance

1. why did you choose your url?

Many years ago, EarlGreyTea was the name I chose for the late, great Television Without Pity. I didn’t want something fandom-specific, so I chose the name of my favorite tea. I only found it later that it’s a Star Trek reference, oops. EarlGreyTea was already taken on LJ, so I added the 68, which is my birthday, and I’ve kept the name on every platform ever since.

2. any side blogs? if you have them, name them and why you have them.

I actually have several, but I don’t really use any of them, except the armes4eva blog, which I sometimes post interior design and Sebastian Stan things to lol

3. how long have you been on tumblr?

oh, goodness, I think 2012. Yes, I just checked, 2012.

4. do you have a queue tag?

No, I can’t be bothered lol. The only time I use the queue is when I do my year-end round-up (which didn’t happen this year because I was too depressed alas).

5. why did you start your blog in the first place?

Right after “The Reichenbach Fall” aired, I started writing “Sherlock” fic. But I was having a hard time finding active Sherlock communities on LJ. When I asked about it on Twitter, many people were like, “Oh, you’ve got to go to Tumblr, that’s where fandom is now.” And so that’s what I did!

6. why did you choose your icon/pfp?

That’s my icon! I’ve had it for years. I wonder if I can even remember how long. It’s a picture I took of a teapot and teacup I was served at breakfast outside by the pool at a fancy hotel in Las Vegas. I haven’t been to Las Vegas in a long time, let me see, it must have been...11 or 12 years ago.

7. why did you choose your header?

Alice in Wonderland and Through the Looking-Glass is basically my favorite book (I count them as one). The older I get, the more relevant I find those books to what adulthood turned out to be like. So, anyway, it’s a quote from “Looking-Glass,” it’s what the Red Queen tells Alice, and I say it *all the time.*

8. how many mutuals do you have?

I do not even know how to figure that out, I fail Tumblr lol

9. how many followers do you have?

7,359

10. how many people do you follow?

Why don’t I see this information??? In the beginning, I tried to follow back everybody who followed me, and that was how I learned that at the time there was a limit to how many people you can follow. So I stopped following back at that point (this was years ago). Then I realized I could follow people again because I guess people had deleted their Tumblrs or whatever, so I’ve tried to start following people back again, but I’m kind of sporadic about it. Anyway, all this is to say that I probably follow a lot of people.

11. have you ever made a shitpost?

I suppose I will let all of you be the judge of that!

12. how often do you use tumblr each day?

I mostly just glance at it for twenty minutes or so a night. Sometimes I might scroll on mobile during the day, and it’s actually my favorite social media platform to just scroll endlessly through if I’m feeling anxious and need to calm down. But if I’m having a normal stress-level day, I just kind of glance it over a little to see what’s going on in fandom-world.

13. did you ever fight/argument with another blog once? who won?

I don’t think so.

14. how do you feel about “you need to reblog this” posts?

I don’t do any of the chain-mail-ish ones. However, I am superstitious enough that I always reblog the good luck ones. They have never actually had an effect that I can see but why tempt fate! I’m not going to turn down luck!

15. do you like tag games?

Love them.

16. do you like ask games?

Love these, too.

17. which of your mutuals do you think is tumblr famous?

“Tumblr famous” seems like it should be an oxymoron lol

18. do you have a crush on a mutual?

I’m sure they’re all awesome, but sorry, I’ve got no notes to pass “Do you like me? circle y or n!” 

Tagging whoever feels like doing this! And I guess I’ll also tag @godless-lunatic @thisisnotjuli @thumbllebee @unicornshatetacos @jinxwild19

[thebrownssociety]

Across The Serververse, Chapter 7

Back on the spaceship a debate was brewing. 

“-But all I’m saying is that it makes sense to get Sam!” Penelope said, for about the 5th time. “Then we know we’ve got everyone who was connected with the cartoon network universe!”

“But that’s completely illogical.” Marvin said, bluntly. “Sam, as we know, can take care of himself and is unlikely to cause great harm to himself or others. Sam is also in the ‘Wacky Racers’ universe, which is not unlike our own. Wile.E and Roady however are in the ‘Mad Max’ universe. That’s a completely different ballgame, so to speak, and we should retrieve them first so they can’t cause damage to other people, each other and themselves in that order.”

Bugs sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose. Why, WHY did he think this would be simple? Just go round the universes and get everyone back. A hard conversation may be needed here and there [he was anticipating one with Daffy, for instance] but on the whole he was certain the others would come back. After all, why wouldn’t they? The entire family was here after all, would they really want to be left behind?

Just as Tweety was yelling that actuawwy GRANNY would be a good idea as she was - and direct quote - ‘owd and fwail’ [which Bugs personally found hilarious as he’d seen frailer cement mixers] the decision was taken out of there hands. 

“Stop!” Pepe yelled at the top of his lungs, seeing he now had everyone’s attention he said, calmly. “Why do we not see what planet we are closest to and retrieve the toons on there, yes? Make it simple, no?”

A thought flashed across Bugs’s mind that if they carried on down that route it meant Fudd would be last, but he shook the thought away like it was an irritating insect. Fudd would be fine, Bugs reasoned, he was more quick-witted and intelligent than people gave him credit for. He would be fine. Fine! Absolutely fine...

Marvin smiled [or at least the others assumed he was smiling. It was a bit hard to tell] and ‘full-speeded ahead’ to Mad Max Universe.

“Be careful!” Pepe yelled as Penelope crashed into him. “You are not on the racing track now, non?”

Marvin - somewhat uncharacteristically - ignored him and just landed the spaceship with a small ‘thud!’ “Well.” The Martian said, as he zeroed in on Wile.E’s and the Roadrunners trackers. “Here we are. The Mad Max universe. There was a pause before Marvin said, with faux brightness. “So, who’s going to volunteer to get our two brothers then?”

It soon transpired that it was Bugs himself who was going to ‘volunteer’ for this no doubt arduous task, what with the rabbit being the fastest amongst them. 

“How do I get meself into dese situations?” Bugs wondered aloud, as he stood in the middle of a dust road looking for any sign of either the road runner or the coyote. Then he saw it. The familiar dust trail of the roadrunner which Bugs knew from previous experience meant he was about five-

-zoom!-

...make that two seconds away. And if the roadrunner was here, that meant the coyote wasn’t that far behind-

-zoom!-

Aaaaaannnnnnnnddddddddddd there he went! Bugs turned tail and ran after him.��

Wile.E, Bugs could hardly fail to notice, looked like an advertisement for leather. Leather coat, leather gloves and a weird looking mask tied across his eyes, making him look like a robber. In one hand he wielded what looked like a extended litter-picker with the end significantly modified so it was [in theory] capable of catching roadrunners. The other hand was clutching the steering wheel of the motorbike he’d presumably ‘borrowed’ from somewhere. 

Bugs ran flat out as he did his best to get level with the coyote, and it was a testament to his abilities and pig-headed determination that he actually managed it. “Wile.E!” Bugs called, loudly in order to ensure he was heard over the noise. “Wile E! It’s me Bugs!”

The coyote looked at him in startled surprise, taking his eyes of the road for literally about two seconds, but that two seconds was all the universe needed for Wile.E to fall flat on his face and go skidding into a rock, which caused a boulder to fall from above onto him, just for good measure.

Bugs winced and slowly sidled up to the rock where the coyotes arm was sticking out from under it. The rabbit waited for his younger brother to come crawling out from under it, probably glaring daggers, but nothing happened. After a few more seconds he got concerned and tried to move the boulder himself. 

Back in Tune World this wouldn’t be a problem. As long as Bugs timed it at either a funny moment, or a moment that made sense within the narration, he’d have been able to do it. But, Bugs realised as he pushed, shoved and yelled curses at the rock, this wasn’t Toon World.

“Beap, beap!”

Bugs let out a shout of surprise and jumped about ten metres in the air, before landing with a thud. He sighed, got up and turned to see the road runner examining the rock critically. Seeing Bugs looking at him, Roadie held up a sign which said. ‘You get one side, I’ll get the other.’

Really, Bugs thought, this might be a good time to get Marvin’s disintegration ray, or maybe the other toons, but he didn’t really have time to argue so he just grabbed the other end of the rock [which was thankfully quite jagged, so easy enough to get a grip onto as opposed to the smooth round boulders that usually fell on Wile.E.] and together he and Roadie lifted the boulder of off the coyote and looked at the crushed noodle-like body beneath it.

Bugs stared silently, trying to digest what had just happened, while the roadrunner donned a black suit and tie and threw a random wreath at the coyote’s still body.

As soon as that wreath made contact with Wile.E’s stomach the coyote ‘rose from the dead’ ala Mushu style saying dramatically. “IIIIII LLLLLLIIIIIIIVVVVVVVEEEEEE!”

He was rewarded for this Oscar-worthy spot of acting by tomatoes being thrown at him by Roadie and Bugs. “Dat’s for quotin’ Disney!” Bugs told him sternly.

Wile.E shrugged. “Don’t blame me, inferior creature, I didn’t write the script.”

They glared at each other and then, going a 180, hugged and laughed joyously. “Oh!” Wile.E exclaimed, as he swung Bugs around. “I’m so glad you’re alive! I would like to say we never gave up hope, but I’m afraid that would be a lie as we’ve thought you were dead for the past few months now.”

Wile.E popped Bugs back on the ground and the rabbit wasted no time shaking himself to get all of the dust and rocks and like out his fur. “Oi’m gonna be hearin’ that for de next few chapters, ain’t I?” He reflected.

In response Wile.E simply pointed. Bugs followed the point and saw Roadie holding up a sign that said. ‘Well, the last time we saw you you were left alone with an angry psycho. So, you know, assumptions were made.”

Bugs grinned and flapped his arms. “Ah, never mind all dat! C’mon, Oi’ve managed to get some of the gang already, we’re all on Marvin’s spaceship! C’mon, follow me brothers!” And with that he dramatically turned heal and started in the direction of the spaceship. [Which wasn’t actually visible from where they were, Bugs having had to go on something of a hunt for his younger brothers.]

He got about ten steps in before realising he was Coyote-and-Roadrunner-less and turned back to see Wile.E standing in the middle of the dust track with his arms folded and his nose in the air, while Roadrunner looked confused and kept looking between the two like he was a spectator at a volleyball match.

Bugs approached his coyote brother carefully and asked. “Eh...what’s up, Wile.E?”

Wile.E scoffed and holding his nose up even higher [if that was possible] said; “I find it interesting, Mr Bunny, that you assume I shall just go with you?”

The rabbit frowned. confused by this question. “...Why wouldn’t ya?” He asked, eventually.

Wile.E scoffed again, as if to say ‘if you don’t know I’m not going to tell you’ and turned his back on the rabbit.

Bugs was now very confused and started pulling apart the conversation they’d just had in his mind to see if there was anything he’d said that would explain the coyote’s behaviour. About ten seconds into this thinking Bugs was gently pushed aside by Roadrunner who held up a sign that said: ‘Leave this to me.’

[Note from Author: The following conversation has been translated into English for ease of reading. Within the universe of the fic, on the other hand, the below conversation was said in roadrunner style beaps from both parties concerned. The author has also tried to keep Roadie’s rhyming style of speech. Whether she’s succeeded or not is a different matter.]

Roadrunner stepped closer to his brother and said, in a kindly tone. 

“Wile.E, my brother,

From one twin to another

Would you be so kind?

Tell me what is on your mind?”

Wile.E took a moment to think about exactly what was bothering him, before saying in a measured manner. “I’m thinking Roadie that...I’m old.”

Roadie’s eyes went wide and Wile.E hurriedly clarified. “Oh, I know what you’re going to say, I’m in my early 70′s, early 70′s is no longer considered ‘old’. Except, factually, it is. Even if you take into consideration the fact that I’m a toon and therefore immortal, I just can’t help wondering...how much longer can I do this?”

His brother looked at him in a manner that suggested he was unsure of what he meant. Clicking his tongue impatiently Wile.E snapped. “For Newton’s sake, do I have to spell it out!? How much longer can I keep throwing myself off of cliffs and under boulders and the like without damage? Even with gadgets like these...” Here he looked down at the custom-made grabber and chuckled. “...Not that we’ve got anything like this back on Tune Town. I mean, look at this!” Here he went into a half-mad description of what exactly the grabber was made of, what it could do and why exactly it was the best thing since sliced bread. Roadrunner waited patiently the whole time this lecture went on, nodding at what he felt were appropriate intervals until, finally, Wile.E finished with: “But what’s the use? I’ll never be able to invent another one.”

Roadrunner frowned and said, rapidly. “But Wile.E, why ever not?

Seeing as you’re a total swot*

Would it not be so very easy,

to build something just as great?

From an engineers point of view,

it should be easy to recreate

And with me by your side

You’ll be sure to hit your stride.” At the end of his little rhyme, Roadie smiled brightly at his twin and waited for the verdict. 

“Because, my fraternal twin brother, I made THIS one via the materials on this planet and seeing as when I step on Marvin’s ship I’m presumably not coming back here then that means I’m somewhat sunk, aren't I? More than usual, I mean.” Wile.E looked at the grabber and lovingly stroked it.  

While he was doing that Roadie thought.  Truth be told he had heard this more than a few times before. Wile.E periodically went through periods where he thought he was reaching the end of his genius, but he usually pulled through. This time he sounded different though. More wistful and melancholy. It concerned Roadie, but he was unsure of what to say and went quiet for a bit trying to think of the right words.

While he was doing that Wile.E’s ginormous brain was ticking, slotting the pieces together as he looked down at the grabber. Really, now he was actually thinking about it instead of running on emotion, the materials the grabber was made with weren't that different to similar materials that could be found on Tune Town. Melt an anvil down, for instance, and simply reshape it...

Wile.E smiled. Oh yes, that would work alright. He was an idiot to have not thought of it before!

Roadrunner saw the familiar smile and, immediately perking up, said rapidly to Bugs. “I think you will be happy to know, we are finally ready to go.”

Bugs made a celebrationary air-grab and grabbing his brothers by the arm and wing respectably pulled them in the direction of the spaceship. Luckily Roadrunners brain was ahead of Bugs’s on this occasional and he had also see where the spaceship was earlier on in the chapter when he’d speeded ahead; so, with his usual catchphrase, he ran under Bugs so the rabbit was forced to cling to him and sped of at about 1000 miles an hour, not wanting to waste any time.

Behind them Wile.E smiled wickedly and activated the grabber which enabled him to swing between boulders [how he managed not to crush himself the author only knows] essentially becoming the coyote version of Tarzan and together they speeded towards the ship

[castielsbeeslippers]

Crystallo Alas

Written for Destiel Secret Santa 2020

@destielsecretsanta2020

Here is my gift for : @arcticfox007

I hope you enjoy it !!!! I really tried hard to put love into it! 😌💕💕💕💕💕🐝 I apologize for any typos of mistakes !! I’ll probably still be checking through it to make sure it’s okay!!!

Read the rest on A03 ❤️

Summary :After being married for three years finally Dean Winchester and Castiel Winchester are able to take a long awaited vacation for Christmas after Castiel wins a all expenses paid trip to a small mountain town.

Post!Cannon , slight Au, Angel!Cas , Wing!fic , Established relationship , fluff ✨

Chapter one : Alas

The new house is warm in compared to the frigid temperature outside.

It had only been a year since the move to their new home in Lebanon, Kansas it was a quaint little home but it had everything they wanted.

A beautiful wrap around porch a spacious backyard for their dogs Miracle and Ramble as well as a beautiful area for Cas to garden and care for his bee’s in the summer.

It was another quiet evening at home the dim lights illuminate and dance upon Dean and Castiel’s faces. They lay in a perfectly tangled mess, cradled in each other's arms.

Cas gently lulls his head into Dean’s chest melting into the rising and fall of his husbands breathing. He’s hardly watching the old VHS anymore. Cas had watched it a million times over, practically being able to quote the whole thing line for cheesy line.

He was more focused on the comfort of Deans skin against his own, the sensation of his eyes get heavy. He found himself sighing, allowing his wings to softly unfold themselves, draping them against Dean's body like comfort blanket, keeping him safe and warm.

Dean hums and runs his fingers though Castiel’s beautiful feathers.

“You gettin’ sleepy Cas?” He said sounding half asleep himself.

“No I’m just comfortable Dean.” Castiel pecked a small kiss on his husbands jaw.

“Good , good the best part is coming up.” Dean said smiling down at Cas.

Castiel’s phone suddenly lit up from the coffee table - 1 new message!-

Castiel grumbled who was sending him a message at this hour?

“You want me to grab that for you?” Dean asked sounding amused.

“If you could , I doubt it’s important.” Cas said lazily lifting his head and grabbing ahold of his phone from Dean.

“Thank you Dean.” Cas said sweetly before looking at his cell so he could read the new message.

———————————————-

-Congratulations! You won! -

You’ve won our all expenses paid trip to Vermont for two!

-click the link for more info-

————————-

Castiel stopped reading he was in shock.

Only a few months ago at a grocery store a young cashier told him about an raffle they were doing for a couples vacation and he never thought anything would come of it but here it was.

Castiel sat up in all his surprise.

“Uh Cas you alright?” Dean said watching Cas’s blue eyes burning a hole through his phone screen all slack jawed.

“I’ve won a prize , but I don’t think it’s wise to keep it.” Castiel said deflating slightly letting his wings droop down.

“What’s that suppose to mean?” Dean propped himself up against the couch.

Castiel explained how he had been entered and how he now recived the message he had won.

“But.... Its in Vermont , I don’t know if we should go I mean the weather isn’t the best.”

“Bull Cas.” He spat out sounding a little more angry then he intended.

He put his hand in his husbands knee.

“Listen Cas , he haven’t had one real vacation since we moved , since we got married , since like ever.”

“Dean.” Castiel weakly protested.

“It’s a days drive if conditions permit...”

“Too bad....you can’t just use these beauties.” Dean said petting Cas’s wings softly.

Cas’s wing reacted to Dean touch moving outward.

“But seriously Cas , you know I’ve driven worse ” He smirked softly.

“If , you promise to actually let me take over driving when you get tried.” Cas said expecting Dean to resist.

“You think you can’t drive Baby?” He chuckled.

“Remember when that vamp hunt went to hell?” He swallowed hard.

“And I was losing all that blood , fadin’ in and out of consciousness.”

Dean mouth went dry.

“Well I remember bits and pieces at least

... and I remember flashes of you drivin’ me to the hospital mostly keeping those baby blues on the road all while telling me to hang on.” Dean’s voice a whisper now.

“So yeah Cas... I think I can let my husband drive my baby.” He grinned.

Cas drew his lover close enveloping him into his arms and safely in a cocoon of his graceful wings.

“I’ll drive safer this time.” Cas said in a soothing tone pulling him into a slow kiss.

The two eventually found themselves lazily making their way upstairs and into bed where the puppies were already fast asleep.

Dean wanted to make sure they were fully rested for the trip ahead of them.

Castiel’s oil sleek wings twitched in his sleep as Dean’s eyes traced their form.

These moments were so special to him.... quiet , perfect when Cas was completely at peace in a soft dream.

Dean stretched out and yawned.

“Good night Cas.” He whispered as he tucked himself under the blankets and feathers.

-4:30 am -

Morning crept up on them , the soft dawn light coming in from behind the certainty.

Dean had already quietly crept down the stairs his two dogs in tow.

Turning to them he bent down and hugged Ramble and Miracle close.

“Called Sammy, he’s going to check in on you two , be good.” He chucked ruffling their fur in each of this hands. He was going to miss these rascals.

He didn’t want to wake his sleeping angel just yet , he wanted to pack and make coffee and breakfast to go for them as a sweet gesture.

Dean was half way through scrambling the eggs when Cas rolled out of bed still sporting only his boxers and came downstairs.

“Mornin’” Dean called hearing the wood creak under Castiel’s steps from behind him.

“Made coffee , some eggs.” Dean hummed.

“Figured we could eat up before leaving around 6 , whatcha think sunshine?” He said finally turning to meet Cas’ hooded blue eyes still.

“Thank you love.” He mumbled groggily as he shuffled over and pushed his face into the crook Dean’s neck his stubble tickling Dean slightly.

Dean leaned his body into his angel.

“Some’ bacon?” He muttered.

“Please.” Castiel said seemingly not taking about bacon his tone too .

Dean chuckled a warmth creeping unto his cheeks.

“M’ cookin Cas.” Dean said putting down his spatula and turning to his husband his hands finding they’re way up to his face. His thumb strumming against the stubble.

Castiel kissed him softly his eyes fluttering closed.

Mornings like this were the real heaven.

Breakfast was delicious and filling.

The coffee finally jolting Cas more awake than he had been previously.

————————-

Dean bundled up his husband. Wrapping him into a scarf and placing a beanie on his tussled black hair.

“It’ll be cold.” Dean said still adjusting the beanie.

“Thank you love ...” Castiel said eyeing Dean’s pink lips.

Castiel didn’t feel babied in these moments now a days , he appreciated Dean’s careful attention to Cas’ comfort and his protective habits.

They walked out to the Impala that was parked in the garage sheltering it from the elements.

“I’m so ready for this vacation.” Dean said as he hopped in.

“I am too.” Cas hummed back to him.

[rosethornewrites]

Fic: this body yet survives, ch. 1

Relationship: Lán Zhàn | Lán Wàngjī/Wèi Yīng | Wèi Wúxiàn

Characters: Lán Zhàn | Lán Wàngjī, Lán Huàn | Lán Xīchén, Lán Qǐrén, Wèi Yīng | Wèi Wúxiàn, Jiāng Chéng | Jiāng Wǎnyín, Jiāng Yànlí

Additional Tags: No War AU, Recovery, Trauma, Dissociation

Summary: Wei WuXian continues to recover from his traumatic near-death experience, and the cultivation world slowly reacts to the event as well.

Notes: I hesitated to write this because I’m already writing two multichapter fics. But I already started this and I have Plans, so it’s too late. So here we go. Please note that in the coming weeks the new semester will start and so my writing time will be much curtailed. The title of this is taken from another Mei Yaochen poem. His poems are really lovely. My favorites deal with grief and longing. I really need to look into finding translations—a translation I found of 不知夢 was haunting. Alas, this pandemic doesn’t make getting books easy.

Parts 1 & 2

AO3 Link

---------------

“Xiongzhang, shufu, I wish to court Wei Ying.”

WangJi had decided to be forward about his desire. Most would approach such a conversation in a roundabout way, starting with idle conversation, but WangJi preferred to be direct, especially in this.

Truthfully, he would have sought permission before now, but Wei Ying was fragile, even after he had finally broken through to him. 

When he had brought him to his siblings after his admission of hunger, Jiang YanLi had cried when he actually ate, kept filling his bowl, and had since made it her personal mission to get him back to a healthy weight. Jiang Cheng’s reaction had been stronger; he had given Wei Ying an almost violent hug and demanded he never worry them like that again.

“I’ll try not to,” Wei Ying had said. 

“If you… I was going to kill a-niang if you didn’t get better. She’d deserve it. She does deserve it.”

Jiang Cheng’s voice had been filled with vitriol.

Neither sibling had wanted to part from him, particularly after he admitted to having nightmares, and the four of them had stayed in the jingshi that night, with XiChen as an amused chaperone due to Jiang YanLi’s status as a young maiden. WangJi had not expected to be included in the sleepover, but he had been pleased by it nonetheless.

“I was there, but I wasn’t,” Wei Ying tried to explain, struggling both to find the words and stay awake. “I knew what was going on around me, but I didn’t really feel anything. Interacting was hard, like trying to run underwater.”

He had fallen asleep long before hai shi, after Jiang YanLi had stuffed him full of lotus and pork rib soup, spicy baozi, and osmanthus cakes she had personally prepared in the kitchen. He had sprawled on a blanket in what was normally an anteroom of sorts in the jingshi. Jiang Cheng had covered him with a second blanket with a surprising amount of tenderness.

“How did you get through to him, second master Lan?” Jiang YanLi had asked in the quiet that followed. “We were so worried.”

Answering that question was not easy; he had not then been ready to admit his feelings to anyone but Wei Ying.

“I composed a guqin piece for him,” he finally said.

The smile Jiang YanLi had given him was knowing, and made it clear she was pleased and accepting of his intentions toward Wei Ying, though he knew he would still need to formally request permission of her and Jiang Cheng in the future if he wished to court him.

Jiang Cheng, thankfully, had not seemed to get the implication and just shook his head.

“He always was more musical than anyone else in the family. A-Niang hated that, wouldn’t let him play the dizi. Just another thing she decided to be awful about,” he had muttered angrily.

“‘An angry man is full of poison,’” XiChen had advised softly, quoting Confucius. “Your anger will not change her, only yourself.”

Jiang Cheng nodded, but his lips twisted.

“She wanted me to hate him. Kept pitting us against each other, comparing us. Still, I never thought she would…”

He shook his head, and Jiang YanLi squeezed his shoulder gently.

“Blood or not, a-Xian is our beloved brother,” she had said. “And she hates that. It may be unfilial, but we choose him.”

WangJi had insisted Jiang YanLi take the bed, as was appropriate. He settled in for the night beside Wei Ying, xiongzhang on his other side. Jiang Cheng slept on the other side of Wei Ying, sandwiching him between friendly bodies; if he woke from nightmares, he would not be alone.

But it had been WangJi who woke to hear Wei Ying’s soft whimpers and panting in his sleep, to see his furrowed brow and the fear and pain in his features, even asleep.

“Wei Ying,” he had whispered. “You’re safe.”

Wei Ying hadn’t stirred, but had curled toward his voice, wound up burrowed against his side, and let out a soft sigh, his brow relaxing as he fell deeper into sleep, away from the nightmare that had been plaguing him.

WangJi’s last thought before falling back to sleep had been that Wei Ying fit against his body like it was meant to be.

Shufu’s cup froze halfway to his mouth, but his expression was one of resignation. Xiongzhang simply looked pleased.

“He has been doing better these past weeks,” XiChen commented.

WangJi only nodded. 

‘Better’ was the best descriptor. At times Wei Ying still seemed more absent than present, but the mind healers were able to speak with him more than they had before and seemed optimistic. He ate more, though he sometimes needed prompting or reminders of the food if he seemed to fade from reality. He was starting to look healthier.

“Sometimes,” Wei Ying had confessed after one of his fading episodes, “it’s like the world is too bright and loud.”

Even in the serenity of Cloud Recesses. The mind healers, he had said, told him his mind was protecting him when the world was too much for him, as it apparently had been for a full year after his near-death.

Wei Ying had, haltingly, started to play the dizi WangJi had bought him, sometimes losing himself in the music entirely. The battered dizi among his possessions, he explained, had belonged to his father, something he had left behind at Lotus Pier after eloping with his mother. Jiang FengMian had stored it away for his return, but instead Wei ChangZe and CangSe SanRen had died on a night hunt. 

The dizi had been given to Wei Ying when he was found and brought to Lotus Pier, the only item he had of his parents’, but he had been banned from playing it by Yu ZiYuan. Instead he had hidden it away in his room.

Playing the dizi also often overwhelmed Wei Ying, leaving him beyond exhausted, the memories associated so fraught. WangJi had seen tears spill down his cheeks as he played more than once. But when WangJi mentioned the idea of attending music classes to learn GusuLan cultivation songs, he had smiled. 

WangJi had set up a meeting with the instructor, Lan MingKai. Despite the rule against gossip, all of GusuLan knew what had happened at the Lotus Pier discussion conference. Normally this would be displeasing, but the result was not: Wei Ying was treated with kindness. Not only had the instructor been welcoming, he had even offered individual morning music lessons. Wei Ying was, in fact, attending a lesson while WangJi had tea with his brother and uncle.

Overall, Wei Ying was more present, more expressive—nothing like he had been before, but after so long without seeing him smile at all even the small ones were precious.

“Yes,” WangJi said. “It is gratifying.”

Shufu cleared his throat and took a sip of tea, setting down the cup before speaking.

“Why seek our approval, WangJi? Why not his siblings’?”

“Wei Ying is of GusuLan now,” he reminded softly; it was polite to seek sect approval. “I will seek their approval following yours.”

This explanation seemed to please shufu, who nodded, stroking his beard thoughtfully. 

“It has been troubling to see Wei WuXian so… quiet,” he finally said. “I never thought I would say I prefer him more lively, but…”

In conversations over the last year, shufu had expressed concerns. He had seen people severely traumatized in the past, their personalities changed by pain. He had kept up with the mind healers and offered suggestions on activities WangJi could use to try to engage Wei Ying.

“There have been times the mind healers have not been able to help,” he finished after a moment. “I was becoming concerned this might be one of those cases.”

WangJi set down his teacup, afraid he might break it in reaction, his entire body clenching at the idea that Wei Ying could die.

Shufu watched him, something in his face softening.

“He will still need help in his continued recovery, WangJi. And he may never recover fully.”

“I wish to be by his side regardless,” he stated, and his voice came out hoarse.

Xiongzhang placed his hand on his shoulder, squeezing gently as though to soothe.

“You have my blessing, WangJi. You always have.”

WangJi almost smiled at that, remembering how XiChen had pushed him to form a friendship with Wei Ying, how he had resisted. He hadn’t known how to handle his burgeoning emotions, had been afraid of them. Xiongzhang had known long before he himself had.

“You have mine as well,” shufu added. “A marriage would make GusuLan’s acceptance of Wei WuXian more concrete and indisputable.”

XiChen nodded, looking thoughtful. 

“After what he has been through, and what I have heard of his childhood from Jiang WanYin, that stability would likely help him heal.”

WangJi resisted his immediate urge to ask after that information, but if Jiang Cheng wanted it known to him, it would be. He refused to violate Wei Ying’s privacy by asking others or even him. If Wei Ying wished him to know, he would tell him.

Shufu interrupted his thoughts.

“WangJi, you need never fear he will face ill treatment here. No physical punishment. No seclusion. He will not be turned out. He has suffered enough.”

Tension WangJi hadn’t known he’d been carrying eased all at once, the fear that Wei Ying would, once healed, face these punishments and, if they were married, be subject to the same treatment his mother had suffered... The last thing he wanted to do was add to the trauma Wei Ying had already been subjected to by making him a prisoner. He had already watched him nearly die and then wither away into almost a ghost once; he refused to do it again.

“Thank you, shufu.”

“He may have a penchant for… antics,” shufu continued. “But none of them have been harmful. They’re simple pranks, nothing worth what he has suffered.”

Silence fell between them, and WangJi did his best not to remember mud-caked pale skin and blue lips, the gurgling gasp of Wei Ying’s desperate breaths under Jiang YanLi’s screams. He feared if he closed his eyes, that would be all he would see, not the gentle whorls of the dark table, the condensation on the teapot, not the steam rising from its spout.

They had been among the first to respond to Jiang YanLi’s screams for help, having happened to be nearby at the time. Shufu, having the best knowledge among them of healing, had not hesitated to dirty his robe in the mud, passing qi to Wei Ying as he lay bleeding from his nose, eyes, ears, coughing up blood and river water, dangerously close to qi deviation after his desperate and dangerous use of his spiritual energy to free himself. 

Shufu had ordered xiongzhang to get help, ordered WangJi to help him, clearly knowing WangJi would refuse to leave if asked. Wei Ying had moaned in pain when shufu turned him onto his side, and that was when they saw the tears in the back his clothing that left him almost naked, the blood seeping from lash marks, had noticed the bruising on his face and neck, the bloody fingers that curled in the mud as though seeking something to hold onto.

WangJi had removed the outermost layer of his robe to drape over him, to preserve his dignity in front of the array of faces that were coming to investigate Jiang YanLi’s screams. He had taken his hand then, had watched Wei Ying, eyes wide and terrified, try to focus on him, saw him mouth his name. All he could do was assure him he was there and keep holding his hand when Wen Qing arrived and started snapping orders to everyone. 

“It probably helps that he has never gone near your beard,” xiongzhang commented, his tone almost forcibly light, an attempt to dispel the tension.

Shufu seemed to shake himself, as though dispelling the same memories haunting WangJi, or memories of his own.

“CangSe SanRen probably considered her crowning prank the time she shaved my beard while I slept,” shufu said, his voice almost fond. “I rather hope he doesn’t attempt that.”

WangJi hesitated before speaking.

“Wei Ying knows very little about his parents,” he said softly. “He would probably appreciate any stories of his mother you would tell him.”

After a moment of hesitation, shufu nodded.

“She was a very bright person,” he murmured. “Much like Wei WuXian was, before.”

His countenance had a sort of sorrow to it, and WangJi wondered if Lan QiRen, like Jiang FengMian and others of his generation, had also loved CangSe SanRen. Whether she had upended him like Wei Ying had upended WangJi. Or perhaps shufu felt the loss of Wei Ying’s light, and it reminded him of her death.

“Tell him I will speak to him, when he is ready,” shufu said. 

WangJi wondered if shufu was ready, but he held his tongue. That his uncle was thinking of Wei Ying’s condition, letting Wei Ying decide if and when he was ready to learn more about his mother, was a kindness. He was still recovering from the damage his adoptive mother, however much she didn’t deserve and had refused the title, had done to him.

“I will let him know.”

They pause to sip at the cooling tea, to enjoy the breeze coming in through the window and the sound of the windchimes gently clinking beyond, the peace of a morning in Cloud Recesses.

“Please also let young master Wei know that he is not required to invent talismans so regularly,” xiongzhang said as he poured more tea. “His recovery comes first. And he need not feel he owes GusuLan for offering sanctuary.”

“Not simply sanctuary,” shufu clarified. “Wei WuXian is a GusuLan disciple, should he wish to be. He need not offer compensation for his care.”

WangJi frowned, considering all that had occurred. Certainly, shufu’s words to Madam Yu had made Wei Ying’s welcome clear, but he didn’t know that Wei Ying had been capable of listening then, so soon after his near death and in the midst of insults and verbal abuse. The announcement of such so publicly at the discussion conference meant that Wei Ying’s status as a GusuLan disciple was known to the cultivation world. 

But it didn’t necessarily follow that it was known to Wei Ying.

“Has Wei Ying been informed? Formally invited?”

He watched as his uncle and brother had a silent conversation that left them both looking abashed, and knew this was something that had been lost in the chaos of what had happened, had somehow not been noticed in the last year, an oversight.

“I will speak with him,” xiongzhang insisted. “He already wears GusuLan robes, so we thought…”

“He wears them because they are white,” WangJi reminded him. “He grieves still. I gave him blue robes, and he has not worn them.”

Shufu frowned, his expression almost pinched, close to a wince. XiChen closed his eyes, as he always did when overwhelmed by emotion. WangJi felt the same guilt they did; it had been a year, and none of them had clarified his welcome, too focused on his dissociation with the world, his healing, when this information could have aided in his recovery. None of them had clarified that this was his home.

“I will have a forehead ribbon prepared as well,” shufu said. “We will present it to him, and apologize for the delay.”

“Perhaps you should also make sure his siblings are aware,” WangJi said gently.

Shufu actually winced, which told him the issue had also not been discussed with them, either. WangJi wondered if the Jiang siblings had realized Wei Ying would stay at Cloud Recesses, or if they had planned to follow Wei Ying wherever he went after Gusu.

“I would recommend speaking to them first,” WangJi advised. “Perhaps before I ask about courtship, so they do not assume the two are related.”

“Or dependent,” xiongzhang murmured, as though he had read WangJi’s mind. “We owe them a tremendous apology. After what nearly happened… they’ve feared for his future all this time. It must be one of the reasons they’ve stayed.”

They had many, WangJi knew, and he was certain both XiChen and shufu knew as well. The biggest one was the lady of Lotus Pier, who may have given birth to both of them but could clearly not be trusted.

“We will rectify this,” shufu assured him. “Wei WuXian is of GusuLan.”

“And when he is ready to stop wearing white, that can certainly be accommodated,” xiongzhang added. “He seemed rather fond of black and red, as I recall.”

Shufu twitched but did not protest.

The bell indicating si shi rang, and WangJi rose, bowing properly to his brother and uncle. It was time to collect Wei Ying from his lesson.

[fortheloveoffanfic]

Put Me In a Movie

Keanu Reeves x Reader (A/n- Did I really just get the name of my own fic wrong? If you saw it, for the sake of us both, pretend you didn’t)

Summary Prologue  1   2   3  4  

Chapter 5- Skewed Clarity

That night, Y/n had gone back to her room, dried off and plopped back into bed, more awake and before and irritatingly sexually frustrated. She’d tried dealing with the situation herself, but her efforts were fruitless and unsatisfying; her fingers were small in comparison to Keanu and all in all, she just couldn’t sink into the moment. For the briefest second, as Y/n had laid a top her unmade bed, the softness of the fluffy duvet caressing her skin, she had considered shrugging on her robe and trekking to Keanu’s room, uncaring if he was awake or not and demanding that he’d finish what he started, but Y/n had quickly deduced that she’d need a few drinks well to muster up that kind of courage. Besides, she wasn’t desperate. It was just a matter of politeness really, how dare he leave her like that, with silky moisture between her thighs and an ache to be touched?

After several failed efforts, or perhaps it was just one long one, Y/n had decided that she was through for the night, opting to quickly wash up, get back into her pajamas and crawl back into bed. It had taken almost two hours after that for her eyes to even start drooping and when Y/n finally fell into a fragile slumber, it was past five am.

There wasn’t enough caffeine in the world to rectify the heaviness in Y/n’s eyes and as hard as she tried to stifle them, a yawn would escape her lips every few minutes or so. Figures that the night that she’d had the worst sleep of her life would lead to the first time they’d be filming at seven am. 

Really, she blamed Keanu. Who, coincidentally looked far more refreshed than she felt. Maybe it was irrational, but Y/n couldn’t help but be a little annoyed with him. First, he’d been on her mind so much that she couldn’t fall asleep, then he’d interrupted her alone time and gotten her worked up, just so she couldn’t fall asleep again. 

Ugh.

Walking from her trailer, already in costume with her hair and make up done, Y/n tried to chug yet another cup of scalding hot, black coffee before she got to set. It burnt her tongue and the bitter taste was the reason she usually added milk and sugar, but still, she needed to be as energetic as possible, and if her sixth cup of coffee for the morning was what it took, then so be it.  

They were shooting in the large parking lot that morning, which meant that Y/n would have to pass through the studio, to get to the open area at the front, where everything was probably already set up. It was the kind of walk that she ordinarily took with Keanu, but alas, Y/n had been avoiding him since their initial though very brief run in at hair and make-up. She had been heading in just as he was opening the door to leave. Small talk had been a must, though neither of them brought up their earlier encounter, what was there to say anyway? Y/n didn’t know if it had been a joke, if Keanu had actually intended to make her feel ‘some kind of way’, or if all in all, she was reading too much into it. It was awkward and Y/n hated awkward, she hated not knowing and she desperately wished that things with Keanu weren’t so confusing. 

The studio was quieter than it had been most days, though, that should have been expected considering they were meant to spend the next eight hours or so working outside. Jackson had predicted that in one long take, they could cover the entire scene in just about three hours, but that wasn’t accounting for the human factors; mishaps and bloopers. 

By the time Y/n was spilling out into the large, outdoor set up, the morning sun was stinging her eyes again and there was an energetic buzz in the air that had been absent from inside. Y/n began wondering if she’d be able to keep up with the way she was feeling. Why hadn’t she just downed some cough syrup and called it a night?

“Hey,” an unsteady baritone broke Y/n’s thoughts and she immediately clutched her chest, jumping in surprise when he gently touched the center of her back.

“Fuck,” the fright was enough to wake her up a bit, though it didn’t last long. Keanu came to stand next to her, closer than he did before things got complicated and Y/n had a feeling that it was intentional. She could smell the coolness of his cologne, mixing with the enthralling aromas of ground roast and cigarette. Y/n hated when he stood that close, it always got her flustered. 

Though, she didn’t want him to move either 

“You scared the shit outta me,” she sighed, letting her hand return to her side. Her gaze once again to the ongoings before them, not wanting to lock with his chocolate orbs for too long.  Why couldn’t she ever successfully avoid him? 

Keanu chuckled beside her, the throaty sound like water over rocks; smooth and soothing, “Sorry.” He seemed totally unaffected by their run in from the night before but Y/n couldn’t tell if he was faking it or if by some hellish miracle, his short term memory had been erased. It was bad enough that it had cost her a few hours of sleep, she couldn't be the only one with that memory. “I hate to be that person, but you look terrible. Everything okay?”

Scoffing, Y/n folded her arms and rolled her eyes. As if he didn’t know! “I’m fine,” she mumbled, slightly begrudged. With the toe of her block heeled ankle boot, Y/n kicked a rogue pebble, watching as it skipped out of her foot’s reach. The shoe scraped noisily as she dragged her foot back childishly, “Is that what you came over here to tell me?”

Unstirred by her mood, Keanu chortled again, “Somebody’s cranky.” Again, Y/n rolled her eyes, preferring to wallow in her sour, awkwardness instead of asking him anything about the previous night. When Y/n didn’t respond, his grin softened and his words were twisted by flirty undertones, “This is about last night, isn’t it? Don’t tell me a few little words made you all pissy,” Keanu’s breath was hot on her ear as he leaned in and Y/n hoped the set photographer wasn’t nearby to capture the redness painting her cheeks.

Gritting her teeth, she finally turned to face him, her hair whipping his shoulder as she did, “How dare you? First its oh Y/n this was a mistake, then you’re all up in my face, with your stupid smile and your good looks, telling me that you can fuck me real good and then you’re walking away. And-” the ‘v’ in Y/n’s forehead became more pronounced and her mild irritation turned into flustered anger, “Are you laughing at me?”

Tilting his head to the side, “My good looks?” He quoted, taunting her and Y/n groaned, frustrated. Still though, Keanu didn’t look like he had any intention of ceasing his quiet chuckles. Slipping his hands into the pockets of his character’s battered jeans, Keanu dragged his lower lip through his teeth, “I’m sorry,” he looked down for a minute, and Y/n could feel his eyes travel appreciatively up her body as he raised his head again, “You’re just….really fucking cute when you’re mad.”

“See?” Y/n huffed pointedly. It was so hard to tell what they were doing, what he was doing. Was he actually flirting, or was he just plain out fucking with her? “This is too confusing Keanu. You’re just…..”

It didn’t take too long after that for Keanu to lapse into his usual seriousness, hissing in hopes that no one would hear, “You think you’re not confusing too? One minute you acting like you regret what we did and avoiding me like the fucking plague the next we’re in a pool together and you’re basically asking for it.”  

“Do not put this on me,” her finger jabbed into his chest and Keanu caught her wrist, his fingers easily circling it with room to spare, “This is not my fault.”

“I never said it was anybody’s fault,” Keanu countered, still holding onto her hand. It had been so long since he’d last touched her, in any way, he’d missed the softness of her skin and Y/n his calloused touch, “I’m just saying, maybe neither of us are as blameless as we want to be.”

His admission left Y/n scrambling for words. The truth was that Keanu was right, they were both active participants, worse yet, Y/n would be lying if she said she wanted to stop. The thoughts of Keanu were consuming, her quelled longing for him was hard to deny even to herself. Swallowing thickly, Y/n watched as Keanu’s grip slipped from her wrist to maintain a gentle hold on her fingers. They had forgotten their surroundings a while ago, not noticing if anyone was looking at them. “This is…..” Y/n didn’t know what it was, and she couldn’t really think of it while he was standing that close.

Keanu bent his head, a contagious smile curving his lips and a mischievous glint in his eyes, “I-”

“Places everyone!” Jackson snapped and they sprang apart. Keanu passed one had over his hair, the other going to his back pocket, while Y/n, who didn’t really know what to do with her hands, immediately grabbed the hem of her leather jacket, sucking in a breath.

Stuttering, Y/n’s lips quivered, about to speak when, in a frenzy a hair and make-up team surrounded her and Keanu, picking and pulling at their outfits, freshening their make-up and giving them one last look over before the scene. There was a faceless hand in her hair, fiddling with her extensions while someone else passed a powder brush on her cheek, “Can we….?”

Meanwhile, there was a woman freshening a cut on Keanu’s jaw while two others gave his outfit gentle tugs to ensure perfect placement, “Yeah,” he assured her hurriedly, hoping that the aids wouldn’t suspect anything. 

By the end of the day, all Y/n wanted to do was face flop into her bed, and she was pretty sure that she could sleep then. Her caffeine high had kicked in right in the thick of their first scene of the day; where her and Keanu’s characters were supposed to be ‘ambushed’ by operatives and subsequently engaged in a  shootout, where she’d acquire ‘minor wounds’. It had taken three takes to get the end right, but just as midday approached they did. Afterwards, she had taken her lunch break while Keanu shot a brief solo scene and then vise versa.

They weren’t done for the day until the sun was resigning past the distant horizon and nothing further could be done outside. Thank heavens they weren’t needed on set again until past lunch the next day. 

As she packed some things into her handbag, Y/n could feel the wear of her muscles with each movement and the heaviness of her eyes every time she blinked. The crash after the caffeine had worn off had hit her hard and if there were something bigger than a small sofa in her trailer, she might have showered and slept right there. 

With a huff, Y/n zipped the bag and reached for her coat draped over a throw pillow, when someone knocked on the metal front door calling her attention, “Y/n?”

Keanu.

Even if they’d spent most of the day together, they hadn’t gotten back to their earlier conversation, though Y/n didn’t know what she’d say if they had. Still, she answered the door, hoping he’d be braver than she was.

Keanu had absolutely no idea what he was going to say. But nonetheless, his anxious feet had led him to Y/n’s trailer, and possibly, by his fist’s own admission, he hit the door three times. It was hardly his best idea; to show up at her trailer, without a clue on what he was about to say all while knowing that Y/n must have been dog tired. Though, he was already there, so the least he could do was rack his brain for a quick remedy.

When she pulled the door open, standing before the entrance looking a bit worse than she had that morning, Keanu frowned, that was definitely the worst timing in the history of things being timed. “Hey,” he waved briefly, only coming up the two metal steps when she waved him inside. Upon seeing her bag, packed on the counter of the small kitchenette, Keanu scrubbed on hand over his groomed beard, stuffing the other into his pocket, “Is this a bad time?” Maybe if she said yes then he could return to his uncomfortable state of not knowing, trying to figure things out until he, well, knew. 

But alas, there was nothing as unforgiving and he internally cursed when she quickly quipped back, “No, I don’t have anywhere to be.” With a tired huff, Y/n dropped onto the small, rich brown, leather sofa, patting the spot next to her, “What’s up?”

“I……” What was up? Quickly, he scanned his brain for anything useful, though eventually came up short and let his mouth go on autopilot, “I wanted to talk about this morning, about us.”

Keanu couldn’t help but smile lightly when she absently scrunched her nose, testing the word on her tongue as if it were foreign, “Us?” Sighing, Y/n shifted in the sofa, bracing an elbow on the back cushion and pulling one leg under herself, “Is there an us?”

“I don’t know,” he cleared his throat, speaking as the ideas came, with no room for thinking them over or polishing them up, “But I think at this point it's more there than isn’t, if you know what I mean.”

It took a minute, and Y/n seemed to be mulling on it, but eventually, she gestured her agreement, moistening her succulent pink lips before, “Yeah, yeah, I guess you’re right.”

“Right,” Keanu stalled. He wasn’t good at that, letting people in and letting himself feel. It wasn’t like he couldn’t, he could, he did. Even if it was all a jumbled mess, he did feel something, or rather several things for Y/n. Things he couldn’t quite decipher, but also things he wasn’t ready to lose. But it didn’t make sense and Keanu didn’t know what to do with those things. Besides, his relationship track record had never been on for the ages, he was always giving too much or too little, typically the former; a commitment-phobe at heart. 

Y/n looked at him expectantly and Keanu felt terrible for making her wait, but he really didn’t have a clue on what he should say next. How could you explain what you felt if you didn’t understand it?

Maybe he didn’t need words.  

Swallowing thickly, Keanu reached out, letting his thumb caress Y/n’s jaw, awed at how she leaned into his touch. 

Maybe it wasn’t just a sex thing. Maybe it was something more, merely covered up by something primal, because still there with Keanu, Y/n didn’t feel they way she had in the pool, or that day after their sex scene. Instead, she felt a fullness in her chest, it was warm, and she was very surprised that a feeling like that could be physical. Her heart didn’t beat a mile a minute, her palms weren’t sweaty and she wasn’t anxious about his next move. For the first time in two weeks, she knew exactly what to expect from Keanu.

It didn’t feel much bigger than their friendship though, it was merely an extension. It was the tranquility he brought, paired with the warmth of his touch. The thought was barely there and fleeting, but somewhere in the back of Y/n’s mind registered that Keanu’s was completely unlike Luke’s touch; a couple fingers on her cheek able to do more for her than arms around her waist. 

Intently, Y/n watched as Keanu leaned forward, licking his lips just before he laid them on hers. Coffee, cigarettes and something sweet. The taste was one she quickly committed to memory. Slowly, Y/n tilted her head, allowing him better access, letting her eyes slip closed. One hand moved to cup his cheek, the rough hair tickling her palm. 

What she felt right then was unmatched, the completeness morphing with a sense of serenity. Like the first breath of spring air or sipping chilled Rosé in the heat of summer, refreshing and light. The sensation in her chest spread, traveling to her finger and toes while the inner working of her head simply stopped. It didn’t matter what the road to lead them to that moment looked like, how much hurt there had been, confusion, despair and anguish, gone, just for a few savory minutes, letting them be in their own little bubble.

Butterfly wings fluttering against his lips, that was the only thing Keanu could liken that kiss too. It was so unlike anything they had shared before then and Keanu felt as if that was the last thing he ever did before he died, it would be okay, because even if he couldn’t say it, he’d shown her. Shown Y/n that she wasn’t just a body to him, that every touch he’d laid on her wasn’t a mistake, it could never be. 

What they had, whatever it was, was still in its infancy, but he liked it. Keanu wanted to show it off and protect it all at once. Keanu had always been afraid of relationships, and he could tell that Y/n was the same- there had always been an understated caution that hung in her words when spoke of Luke, like she was never really sure that sharing herself outside the realm of what was tangible was what she wanted. No doubt, they both had their flaws, but maybe, they could try together. Keanu wasn’t sure if it was what he wanted, but by then, he didn’t think he could firmly say he was sure of anything. Anything except for the fact that kissing Y/n felt right. 

When they broke, their breaths were still shared for a minute, Y/n and Keanu smiled softly. “Is this what you want?” Y/n’s voice was meek and unsteady, she didn’t even know if it was what she wanted.

Humming, Keanu lingered on the question for a minute, relaxing into the cushions. Acting on the urge, he pulled Y/n against his chest, her ear over his heartbeat. The blurry thoughts clouded his vision and Keanu knew his answer would change everything between them forever. But arguably, that had already happened. 

Suddenly plume of fear bloomed in the center of his chest; fear that he would hurt her, fear that they were too different, but most prominently, the paralyzing fear that she would hurt him. If Keanu let her in, chances are, he wouldn’t want her to leave. But it happened, it always did, they always left. 

Then again, what was life without fear? What was happiness without suffering?

“I…..” Keanu sighed at the way Y/n relaxed against him, absently tangling his fingers in the ends of her hair, his glazed eyes trained forward, “I think.....I think that maybe we could try. I mean, this is so confusing, and we didn’t exactly have the best start, but maybe it could work. I don’t really know how to do this,” he chuckled, usually asking a woman out came on instinct; Keanu would just do it. But the effort needed weight with Y/n, she deserved more than just a random offer for coffee, they got coffee together all the time. Keanu was about to start tripping over his words again when Y/n shifted against him, burrowing her nose deeper into his chest, “What are you-”

All it took was one look down for Keanu to realize that Y/n was far gone, and probably hadn’t heard a word of his ramblings. Huffing his quiet laughter, he shook off his thoughts, tightening his hold on her waist as he leaned his head back. Maybe he’d have something more worthwhile to offer her the next morning.

*****

Tagging- @harrisongslimited​  @paanchu786​  @thesadvampire​  @fanficsrusz​  @fickensteinn​  @ladyreapermc​  @babygirltaina​  @septimaseverina​  @snatchedbylele​  @omg-imagine @21stcenturyyfoxx​  @magnificentclodpiebanana 

[snowtimeisbesttime]

Thoughts and questions (remix) on Friendsim Volume 16.

Fozzer:

-We’re getting close to the other side of Thrashthrust, huh? IIRC, Outglut (where Xefros and Dammek live) is close to the outer edges of the city… // Sadly we did not even get to KonMari the heck out of Dammek's hive...

-Fozzer gives me kinda Disney vibes?? I think it’s his eyes.

-He’s also a lot less gloomy than I expected. Considering his route, has he always been like that? And will he? // oh fozzy what awaits you beyond what you've already gone through?

-Wouldn’t Fozzer know that ghosts are indeed A Thing because of burgundies’ ghost communing abilities?? Literally the only ones we know that have them are the Megidos, Xefros (and he hasn’t used it on screen yet) and assorted arena stickball players, but anyway you’d think he’d know that… On a related topic, none of the Troll Call burgundies seem to have telekinesis.

-How does Alternian cheese even look?? hopefully not very maggot-y…

-Let’s get to the meat of the route: the scratch-y (as in the universe reset) bois out there in Fozzer’s backyard. Like what are those. Fozzer says he’s been seeing them the last few nights, so either they appeared recently or he started digging the Happy Absence Pit Park recently.

-Trolls do bury their dead, if only to not have random corpses lying around. As HAPP is still under construction, we can’t tell how exactly is it meant to be more respectful to the dead yet. // how does this gel with aradia's corpse parties?? does the party start before, during or after the burial??

-Fozzer’s opinion on Alternia basically flipped after we peeked into the weird spacetime gaps and got a faceful of scratch energy- what did it do to the MC? And perhaps most importantly, has it happened before? (what else did it change?)

-(at least one version of fozzer is not there anymore. heart is identities, so…) // alas, poor fozzer. Who might you have been and what could you have achieved in a fateful timeline, that it had to be obliterated? Also, if scratch Really is trying to murder boldir because she's a threat to him, and considering her abilities... what was Fozzer capable of?

-Is the world of Friendsim somehow… falling apart? Is its non canon nature going to be resolved by it just ceasing to exist? // it... kinda didn't? This did happen in pesterquest and was resolved by MSPAR acquiring the power of extreme fix-it fics, but we don't know if they were able to reach the guys from Friendsim in their Locked Timeline...

-Davepeta: *establishes a relationship between Time and Heart with the whole Ultimate Self talk* Boldir & Fozzer: hold our beers (Tirona did have like 3 bad endings as well iirc???)

Marvus:

-The Good Cloun Streak continues. Thank fuck. (then again we were told he was a liar back when his Troll Call came out…) // His route gave him very good vibes, but what we've seen of him in Hiveswap proper looks pretty ominous... though ironically his new Troll Call bulletpoints tone down the ominousness he already had by removing “midsummer nightmare”. One of the new ones is just Friendsim Characterization Stuffs, but the other one (Mirthful idolatry)... might match the “faker” vibes he gets from the meaning of his last name, or might mean some other thing...

-Clowns confirmed not to be as dumb as they look, re: the blacklisting.

-featuring the most efficient vehicle in the entire multiverse: Hover Segway Thingy

-Marvus feels like a Blood, Light or Void player. I’m leaning towards Blood (the capricen vs lelo spiral thingy, also he’s pretty ride and die) or Light (literally attracts everybody’s attention (and other things) once they see him, like a lot), but there’s also an interesting quote: “He leaves a bloody void in his wake.”

-He could also be Heartbound or Timebound, considering Fucking Shit Up Timewise seems to also be a Heart Thing now. // it was Time, all along.

-Was the Caprist sign on his hat actually not a bamboozle? Does he instead bear Capries, the Dick Sign Extraordinaire? // he does not, as he isn't a dick (so far...)

-Re: Blood stuff: either he didn’t see the MC’s crimson blood, or he doesn’t have the same compulsion to murder anyone with that blood color.

-Play of the Game (Lifesaver): Rapsta Slamzy for changing topics away from the concert diapers. Thank you so much, one-scene-wonder clown. // never forget (rapsta's feat. apply copious amounts of brain bleach to the other thing.)

-What’s Marvus’ reason for saving us, besides the fact that we were with Zebruh? The fact that he tried so hard to save the MC from the literal doom of a timeline and what he said about the Ultimate Timeline makes me think he Knows Shit. // this extreme amount of ride-or-die leads me to believe he might not be an antagonist in Act 2, or perhaps not the biggest one...

-The clown church is impervious to the natural means of correction of a doomed timeline, except for its literal ending. Perks of having a Lord of Time as one of your Messiahs, I guess.

-Will we have a clown uprising against the seadwellers in Act 2?

[porchwood]

Hi just so I understand cause i keep waiting for it and it doesnt seem likely to happen have you kind of fallen out of love with wtm? and everlark in general tbh? cause ive been following you for a while now and you always had lil quotes and pictures and things that reminded you inspired you whatever it was about katniss and wtm and now alllll it is is gadge i followed you because personally i love what you did with everlark and im just wondering if thats gone and not foreseeable any time soon?

I’ve been thinking a lot about how to answer this… It’s afair question - to a point. If you’re more of a drop-in person (like me) thanlive-on-the-dash, coming back to find my blog awash in Gadge might have beenquite upsetting. There are several reasons for the current state of things:

1. Life has been driving me into the ground since December26, 2013. (Yes, going on six straight years.) If you were a WtM reader from thebeginning, you may recall that I was pretty energetic and prolific in 2012-2013.Oh, there were tough times, but nothing like what started on the aforementioneddate (a car accident where I was in the “bystander” vehicle and it still got totaled)and has continued relentlessly ever since. Sometimes adversity leads to greatcreativity and sometimes it turns you into a depressed, exhausted, reclusivelump, and the past 5+ years have seen periods of both from me. These past 18months have been exceptionally awful (and expensive), resulting in very littlewriting at all, about any pairing.

2. Writing WtM takes a lot out of me. I don’t know whether thisis common knowledge or not, but it’s the gospel truth. I love that world, Ilove that version of Everlark, but every chapter requires so much hard work, itmakes me tired just to think of it. Not to mention, over the past couple of chaptersEverlark have been pushing for more intimacy than the plot/timeline allows, andso I’ve been struggling with how I want to handle that. Do I fight them andstick to the plan? (I can’t advance the timeline for several reasons.) Do I tryto figure out a cheat for them? They’ve got minds of their own and have changedmy plans multiple times, but this is something they genuinely can’t have, and Ihave to fight them on it. ☹ Which is sad, frustrating, and exhausting.

3. I’m a multi-pairing shipper, and have been from about 3chapters into WtM. Which means that my Everlark fics almost always feature asecondary pairing (or more than one), and sometimes I’ll get a plot bunny for afic about a pairing other than Everlark. Most writers in the THG fandom exclusivelywrite their OTP, whatever the plot bunny, but I find that some plot bunnies don’tfit Everlark as well as they do another pairing. (This is why I’ll never write aBeauty and the Beast Everlark fic unless Katniss is the “Beast,” if you will.)

4. The Everlark fandom is…tricky. I’ve never fit in there. Idon’t write Everlark the way the majority of fans see them (except for Peetabeing “sweet,” I guess), I hated the movies (I refuse to see MJ 1 or 2), and I’vemanaged to really rub some people the wrong way over the years –unintentionally, and for a variety of reasons – all of which leaves me feeling kinda down about Everlark in general. Don’t misunderstand me: I love Everlarkand WtM, but it’s really isolating to be this sad little island of unpopularopinions and unwelcome side-ships. That’s the part I really wish I could makeyou understand. For six years I’ve had Christopher Plummer in my head saying, “You’llnever be one of them,” and he’s so, cruelly, right. I want to cry every time Ithink of Embracing the Season (my E-rated Everlark modern AU oneshot for Lovein Panem - lots of daring for me!) because I poured heart and soul into that andit still wasn’t the Everlark that people wanted.

5. About a year and a half ago (when Strawberry Time reallytook off of its own accord) I participated in Gadge Day 2017, working my buttoff to find and schedule (and tag) over 100 carefully chosen Gale/Madge/Gadge aestheticposts, and for lack of a better way to say it: it turned on my Gadge-dar. After that, thosekinds of posts just leapt out at me whenever I had a chance to scroll, and forseveral months I wasn’t sure what to do with that. With a little encouragementfrom @ghtlovesthg, I came up with #march madgeness – wherein I turned my Tumblrinto Madge/Gadge-land for one month, and it was a blast. (Side-stepping Gadgefor a moment: Madge is a highly underappreciated and underused character,especially in fic/on Tumblr and I love splashing the dash with Madge-love.) Thenext month I launched a run of pent-up Everlark posts (i.e., regularprogramming), but I missed my Madge, so I instituted #madge monday – one day aweek when I could splash the dash with Madge/Gadge. At every juncture I gavepeople tags to block if they didn’t want to see this content (though I stillget unfollows every time I post, alas). I participated in last summer’s THG Reread– on the fringe of it, but my posts (reblogs and meta) were strongly Everlark-focusedagain during that time. So there’s definitely still been Everlark on my blog,but if you’re just dropping in (or for that matter, glancing at my archive), you’regoing to see a majority of Madge/Gadge.

6. Frankly, Gadge is fun. It’s a completely different dynamicthan Everlark, with less pressure to create something transcendent, and whenthe chips are down, I’m more likely to work on something that isn’t my six-years-runningopus. This spring, in the midst of lots of awfulness, I finally wrote a piecethat I’ve had in my head for years – The Best Part of Waking Up – with a differentpairing featured in each drabble “chapter,” including Gadge, Luka/Johanna (whoI’ve been wanting to put out there for AGES) and Jack/Raisa. I haven’t beenable to write quickly in years, and I think I finished those three “chapters”in about two days, maybe three. I completed the Raisa drabble in a couple ofhours and I consider it one of the best things I’ve ever written. (Honestly, ifa pairing was going to topple Everlark in my heart, it would be Jack/Raisa, i.e.,Mr. Everdeen/Mrs. Mellark. I love them to distraction.) Once upon a time I could drabble/sprint Everlark too – notoften, but I could manage it. Maybe it’ll happen again someday, but for thetime being, when I write in quick eager bursts, it’s usually about aside-pairing.

7. Because I just need to say it: about a year ago, I set up a secondary Tumblr for almost all my side-interests and ships outside of THG. When I first joined Tumblr, porchwood was just a fun page where I posted whatever struck my fancy (pretty things, funny things, whatever I liked), and over the next few years, I honed it into a pretty “writer’s notebook” for WtM and my other THG fics (related quotes, aesthetic posts, writing check-ins, etc.). When Star Wars: The Force Awakens came out, I shared a handful of posts pertaining to a new ship (not a new direction for my blog or writing, just sharing my excitement) and it was made very clear to me that people didn’t want to see that content on my page. So when I started watching Voltron: Legendary Defender, I had a sneaking suspicion people wouldn’t want to hear about those ships either. So I started an entirely new Tumblr for that content, and every so often I accidentally post something to the wrong page, which I immediately correct in horror, but people still unfollow. Point being: this blog is THG (and a few personal life updates) ONLY, with a pretty consistent aesthetic. I hide literally everything else that I’m interested in so you don’t have to be bothered by it. Is it really so unacceptable for me to have side-ships (complementary to the main pairing, not threatening to them) in the same universe??

8. Believe it or not, I’ve been working on WtM all along,just not making any massive strides. I tried to chip away at the current chapterduring Camp Nanowrimo last July, and it was a disaster. I thought joining awriting group would be helpful, but I didn’t realize that Camp Nano is basicallya lot of writing sprints in which you try to churn out as many words aspossible, which you then report to your “cabin” – and that’s the onlyinteraction with your fellow writers. I can’t write like that anymore (seeabove) and especially not when it comes to WtM, so I got discouraged veryquickly and sort of drifted away. I reattempted Nano on my own in April and wrotealmost 15K words, but in that instance I was really just using the Nano platform toset and reach a goal (which I didn’t ☹ ); I wasn’t in a cabin and didn’t interact with anyother writers, except my friend @ghtlovesthg, who read the finished portion.

9. I want to finish this dang chapter so much, and frankly, theonly way that’s going to happen is if life gets a little better and I holemyself up with my laptop for hours on end for weeks at a time – and somemagical being comes to support/cheer/comfort me while I do so. It’s currentlysitting at about 25K and I anticipate it will need to be at least double that,which is beyond ridiculous, but that’s the nature of WtM. The chapters are asmany words as it takes.

TL, DR: I still love Everlark and I’m still working on WtM, but my life has been extremely difficult for a very long time and I don’t have a great Everlark lifeline. Gadge and all my other ships are fun, and most of the Gadge you see on my Tumblr is aesthetic stuff for themed days/months/occasions. Anything non-THG goes on my sideblog.

[asoftslytherin]

sweetener. ch. ii

a/n: believe it or not, when one of your organs doesn’t work, you have a lot of free time on your hands. which explains why i started writing this yesterday and finished it today.

summary: you wake up at sirius’ place, and negotiations arise.

warnings: okay so this is gonna be a reverse slow burn friends with benefits kinda fic so if you’re uncomfortable with mentions of sex or language, then this is not the story for you, but if you ship romione, i highly recommend this beautiful piece of fluff.

word count: 2.2k (yikes)

(this picture does not belong to me, obviously, but i did crop it and slapped on a psd)

Your eyes cracked open as the Saturday sun peeked through the blinds on the window. Why can’t the sun fuck off and realize that you have a headache? Isn’t the window on the other side?, you thought for a moment before realizing that you were not in your bed. It had been quite a while since you had done this. Turning your head to the figure laying next to you, you were almost in shock. You went home with him?! You thought that was just a dream! Oh my god, you thought, throwing your forearm over your eyes in embarrassment, immediately regretting the feeling of your arm hitting your head, only adding to the pain you were in. The Uber ride to his place was the tackiest thing I’ve ever done! Hardcore make out session in the back of a stranger’s car? Very classy, Y/N.

Before you could continue to silently berate yourself, you felt Sirius roll over towards you. “Good morning, gorgeous,” he said with his gravely sleepy voice, puffy eyes from sleep and a small smile.

You tried to give a smile back but it just came out as a wince. When his head turned to look at his phone to check the time, you scanned the room to figure out the fastest possible way to get dressed and make your escape. By the time your eyes landed on your shoes, Sirius was giving you a look. “You aren’t trying to make a break for it, are ya love?” He gave a joking smile as he shook his head and made is way over to his dresser. Still not wearing any bottoms. Part of you was somewhat glad, maybe a little proud that you had managed to get with someone so, so much better looking than anyone you had been with in the past.

Those thoughts were immediately replaced by a t-shirt hitting you square in the face. Why was the universe hellbent on making your hangover worse?

“Yeah, and don’t think I didn’t notice you checking me out right then,” he snickered and pulled on a pair of grey sweatpants. “Put that on, I’ll make you some toast.” He pointed to you to the shirt then back to you again before he left the room and walked towards what was presumably his kitchen.

Reluctantly, you threw the shirt on, noticing it had the seal for the band Queen on it, at least he’s got good taste in music. It fit you pretty big but you liked t-shirts like that. You took another quick scan of the room, trying to find your underwear that you couldn’t find during the initial scan, but they were nowhere to be found. Shit.

“Do you want tea or coffee?” Sirius yelled from across his apartment.

You closed squeezed your eyes shut even though he wasn’t in the same room as you, any kind of yelling was frowned upon. You stood up off of his bed and winced upon standing from the unexpected pain that was coming from between your legs. Seriously, what the fuck did you get up to last night? You grit your teeth and began to walk towards the area his voice was coming from. “Both of those options sound absolutely disgusting, no thank you” you stated, keeping your voice as even as possible before taking a seat at his kitchen table before letting out a short yawn.

“Water it is, then” He set down a plate with two pieces of toast in front of you.

He went to the cupboard to grab a glass for your water, your mouth felt like sandpaper and you really hoped your mouth didn’t taste the way it does now last night. Speaking of which...

As Sirius gave you a glass of water along with two pills that you assumed were ibuprofen and sat down to eat his own plate of toast. Gladly taking the medicine, you looked up at him, set down the piece of bread you were about to take a bite out of, sighed. “How badly is it gonna hurt your ego if I tell you that I don’t remember a whole lot of last night?”

He almost choked on a bite of egg at the suddenness of your question, and tried to keep himself from laughing too hard. “I’m not gonna go lock myself in my room and cry, if that’s what you’re getting at.” He took a moment to grab a napkin from the middle of the table and wipe some egg off of his mouth, raising his eyebrows at you before asking: “What do you remember?”

Taking a deep breath and an even bigger drink of water, you began to explain. “I know we left the club, made out outside of the club waiting for the Uber, made out in the Uber, you unlocking your front door and then... I got nothing.” You shrugged your shoulders at him and took another bite of toast, thinking that if you put more food in your mouth then you wouldn’t have to answer any more questions.

Sirius gave you an amused look which turned into a sly smile that made you regret having those last two shots, you really wanted to remember all of him, then his light eyes filled with something you couldn’t pinpoint. “So you don’t remember me kissing you against the door, throwing you over my shoulder and then down onto my bed, ripping off your panties with my-“

“No! I don’t remember any of that!” You were a bit exasperated and honestly didn’t know how to process having a one night stand with a gorgeous guy that you didn’t remember. It was pretty new territory for you, usually you tried to forget your experiences with guys because they were just so mediocre, not forget the only good night you’ve had with a guy, probably in your entire life.

“Hmm,” Sirius leaned back in his chair and crossed his arms over his bare chest. “Maybe we’ll have to make sure you’re sober the next time we do this?” He had a hint of a smirk on his face as he went to take a sip of his tea.

“You want to do this again? Even though I forgot pretty much all of it?” You were in disbelief. Either you were amazing in bed or this guy was insane.

“Of course,” he smiled. “I want you to remember the only guy who could ‘give it to you good’ as you said last night.”

Your head fell into your hands. This was the most embarrassing moment of your life. You wish that you could just slip into the void and float away but alas, you were stuck here. “What all did I say to you last night?” you winced up at him through your fingers.

“I think my favorite quote from you, aside from my name,” you frowned at his quip, “was: ‘You better dick me down good because nobody ever has.’ There were also mentions of never being given an-“

“Nope!” You stood up from the table, winced again, forgetting about the soreness you were experiencing and took a step back. “This is officially the worst day of my entire life and I would like nothing more than to go back to my place and forget this ever happened and never tell...” Oh, God. Both Lily and Marlene were with you at the club, and Sirius was friends with James who was engaged to Lily. There was no feasible way of getting out of this. Last resort. You needed to leave the country.

Sirius picked up on the panic in your eyes and tried to quell the situation, standing up and moving himself around the table, leaning on the edge nearest to you. “I wish I could explain last night to you without sounding like a pervert, but describing last night would...” He took a deep breath. “It was awesome, let me preface with that, and I am a little upset that you don’t remember it because of how awesome it was. But, we got to talking last night after the three rounds of the thing we’re not talking about.”

“Three rounds?! Who are you?!! Some sex god who never quits?” You were genuinely shocked, never having done that with anyone you’d been with, especially not on the first night, and somewhat impressed with him and yourself. Maybe you should hook up with him again.

Sirius merely chuckled and rubbed his hand on the back of his neck while his other hand gestured towards you. “Part of the reason I’m sad you don’t remember it. Anyways, we got to talking and you seem like a really cool person Y/N, and I wanna get to know you more.”

You inhaled through your nose and shut your eyes. “As nice as you are, I’m really not looking for a relationship right now. I’m sorry.”

“Then how about this,” Sirius started with a smile, as if he already knew what you were going to say and had his response ready. “How about we do this one more time, whenever you feel like it, and if you don’t think it’s as awesome as I thought it was, then we can forget this ever happened and we’ll tell Lily that I passed out the second I walked in the door last night. Sound good?”

You thought it over for a minute. It didn’t seem like he was some kind of dirtbag, and he said you seemed like a cool person, not just a good piece of ass.

“How about this, I come back over either tonight or tomorrow night, we do this again, completely sober, and then I might consider the possibility of maybe turning this into a friends with benefits situation. Nothing more. Sound good?” You crossed your arms almost defiantly, almost hoping he’d say no.

“Okay yeah, I’m down.” He pushed himself off of the edge of the table, walked over to the kitchen counter and grabbed his phone, handing it to you. “Put your number in my phone and text yourself so you’ll have my number.”

You took it and did as he asked, handing the phone back to him after sending the text, hearing a small ding coming from the bedroom. You felt yourself beginning to become okay with this. It’s not as horrible as you think. It’ll be okay.

Walking back into his room to get changed, you neatly folded his shirt on the end of his bed as you walked around the room, collecting your items of clothing that were strewn about and trying you keep your expression as even as possible, hiding the pain you felt in every step. Now you understood what Ariana Grande was talking about.

When you reached your shoes, you noticed Sirius leaning on the doorframe with his arms crossed to the room and smirking. Was that all he ever did?

“Keep the shirt,” he stated simply, pointing his chin towards the shirt you had just folded into his bed.

“Why?” You asked with a wary look.

“Because it looked good on you and I liked seeing you wear it. What can I say, I’m a little selfish sometimes. Especially when hot girls who blow my mind in bed wear them,” he winked, picking up the t-shirt from the bed and shoving it into the bag you had just slung over your shoulder. You felt a spark between the two of you when he moved your arm to get to the purse, it had to be static electricity, even though he didn’t have carpet. As he stepped aside so you could exit the room, your arm brushed against his and you felt another little spark. Oh, come on, you thought, am I becoming that girl that sees fireworks in people’s eyes and feels sparks when you lightly touch someone? This had to be some kind of weird, elaborate dream.

Rolling your eyes at him, and partially at yourself as you made your way to the front door pushing away any thoughts of any “sparks”, shoes in one hand, then you felt the other being tugged back.

“I have one question before you go, why either tonight or tomorrow night? Why can’t it just be tonight?” Sirius asked with a puzzled look on his face.

You let out a laugh, took a step towards him before whispering in his ear, “Because I’m still sore from last nights ‘three rounds’ and I’m not sure if I can handle more tonight, but I’ll let you know.” Leaning back, you placed a chaste kiss on his lips, turned around, and left his apartment.

Sirius 📲 Y/N

Sirius: text me when you get home.

Y/N: why?

Sirius: i just want to make sure you get home safe.

Y/N: i have a question Y/N: why did you respond so quickly when i told you i didn’t want a relationship?

Sirius: because we had the exact same conversation last night.

You blushed, shut the messaging app and opened up Uber. At this point, you were not above getting an Uber at 11:30am on a Saturday, dressed in last night’s clothes.

a/n: i really hoped you liked it! jsyk, there’s like a no percent chance of me writing any smut so it’s all implied. there’s enough smut on this website i don’t need to add to it.

💖-ella

[moonbelt]

»mind over matter

↳ neighbors to lovers au

⇢ pairing: jaebum | reader

⇢ genre: fluff + slight angst + sexual themes

⇢ word count: 9.704

⇢ description: as it turns out your cat loves your neighbors apartment more than yours. consequently it happens to belong to the new neighbor dude that’s stuck comforting you after a measly break-up.

author’s note: born out of this request, and the sheer need to read a neighbor au fic haha. i hope you enjoy it anon! i really hope i did this justice!!

It takes only a moment for your life to change right before your eyes. And although you had never been one to abide or listen to corny quotes ripped off the internet, your step-mother had framed more than half of them around your apartment. In an attempt to bring "life" into your dingy residence. You hadn't even realized that they could, in fact, be true. Actual facts.

You had long since accepted the fact that there were always greater things at work. You were in control of your life but not that of others. Everything had a cycle, a plan, and that didn't by default make it any fair. Nothing in life ever was, your mother had drilled into your head, but that didn't stop you from resenting it.

You resented the things you could not change and loathed the things you could. Like how you could've prevented this whole shit-show from happening if you'd opened your eyes a little wider and seen all the thorns beneath the roses. The thorns being your ex-boyfriend. Major emphasis on the ex because you wouldn't be caught dead crawling back to that bastard, Theo.

Theo. It all led to him.

Well not necessarily everything, more like anything that had to do with your romantic and, in a long round-about, extended way, your social life. A deep shudder racks through your body as you begin to think about him. Oh God, you wanted so badly to run out of your apartment and back to his and smack his head so hard he saw the stars all the way from the Upside Down.

So maybe you're being a bit overdramatic when you say: All the moments that have happened so far in your life were, inevitably, leading to shit. But in no way are you not entitled to say it.

Your boss had nitpicked everything you'd done all day, creeping steadily up your already tensed nerves. One of your colleagues — René — was always within earshot when this happened, like glue you couldn't scrape off no matter how hard you tried. Always ready to throw a sly remark your way every time your boss had something to complain about. The only thing stopping your fist from connecting firm with her jaw was the fact that you prided yourself on having more class than her.

This decision that you wrongfully, and albeit naively, made came back to bite you deep in the ass.

Reason one as to why you're cooped up in your small apartment alone on a Friday night. Keyword in that sentence is: alone. You suppose that the blame doesn't lie with René alone. It's more eighty percent Theo and twenty percent René. Theo. Even his name begins to remind you of quickly decomposing poop. You would never have guessed him to be a cheater, but then again you had been blinded by whatever the heck it was you'd seen in him.

You shudder for the nth time that night as you bring your blanket closer to your chin and sigh into your chest. This whole situation is stupid and you're positive that in three months you'll look back at it and laugh. But not now. Now you'd rather throw yourself into watching your favorite French melodrama titled Piégé.

At first, you'd only started watching it in a bid to get more accustomed to the language as you were taking a French course in college and you did not want to fail. But it had been approximately eight months since you'd graduated university and you were under no obligation to be watching it anymore. In fact, you have no idea how you even got into Piégé in the first place, but at least it's helping you attempt to forget what a shitty boyfriend Theo had been. Never mind that the series is filled to the brim with unnecessary drama. But, hey! You'd rather watch the drama about other people's lives than dwell on the drama brewing in yours.

Turning your attention back to your laptop that's gingerly placed on your lap, you try to get immersed back into the film. The main character — Alphonsine Vernoux — is saying, no screaming, at her boyfriend to get out of her apartment because she "can't be with him because our parents would never approve." Her boyfriend, a man named Jean-Louis refuses and long story short — because there's a lot of back and forth squabbles that ultimately mean the same thing; Alphonsine and Jean-Louis have really hot make-out sex.

The scene though is disrupted by your phone beeping off with the arrival of a new text message. It's from Youngjae, your best and only friend from work. For a moment, you're tempted to ignore it and watch Jean-Louis push Alphonsine up against the wall in sexy frustration. But alas, you decide against it, Youngjae probably has a really good reason for seeking out your companionship, even if it does come in the form of a text and my actual speaking.

Youngjae: Did you know a Tarantula spider can survive for more than two years without food?? [9:32 pm]

You fight a laugh as you think of an answer. And you'll admit, you had no idea this particular breed of spider could survive that long. You figure he must be watching another documentary because this is a reoccurring theme. Almost every(?) night, Youngjae sends you threads of rapid-fire texts narrating the things he found out from animal documentaries, that he's definitely already watched a thousand times but still is beyond fascinated by. Usually, you also sent him texts about Piégé but today you weren't feeling it.

You: really??? thats cool. maybe i should hope to be a tarantula in my next life? [9:33 pm]

Youngjae: lol who says you even have a next life? might be ur last one right now [9:36 pm]

Youngjae: oh hey, i was gonna ask you. are you and theo down to go watch a movie tomorrow? that new horror movie you were wanting to see is playing [9:36 pm]

You stare at your phone for a good ten minutes wondering what exactly you should send as a reply, berating yourself for having not yet told Youngjae about the things that transpired between you and Theo. That you caught Theo in bed with René roughly a week ago and you doubt you even want to tell him.

You know he won't pity you, Youngjae would most likely feel saddened by the events but not pity directed at you. Maybe pity directed at Theo? Because he damn sure lost the second-best thing that happened in his life, the first best thing being Ara, your cat. And it's not like you're heartbroken and devastated by what happened, you feel more sad about it than anything. Sad and tired. Five months with that dude and it all amassed to absolutely nothing.

The only thing that seems able enough to break you out of your trance state is the loud blaring of your alarm clock as it reads you the time. Nine forty-five. Time for you to feed your cat. Your cat that always seems to magically disappear once you get home from work. You groan. Ara had always been fonder of Theo than you, after all, he had been the one to pick her out. You had wanted a dog but as always, Theo had convinced you. And even though at first, you'd hated how Ara scratched almost everything in sight, she'd grown on you and now you wished she'd done the same.

Pushing yourself off the sofa, you make your way to your apartment searching for Ara. Usually, she likes to hang in dark places, ergo your closets, but after you make two rounds of opening and closing every drawer or door without finding her, you begin to think that something has gone amiss.

Alphonsine Vernoux is still going on whatever new drama has befallen her. She talks in rapid French that you don't understand completely because of the lack of your trusty subtitles. Well not talking, more screaming than anything. She always seems to do more screaming than actual talking, but maybe that's just you.

"Merde!" She cries now, and if the broken understanding of the language is anything to go by. Fuck! is the translation.

Fuck it really is. You can't lose a cat. Correction: you can't lose your cat. You love Ara too much and although the love isn't reciprocated in the same way you want, you can't be responsible for the death of a good ole cat.

Okay, so maybe the 'good' is an oversimplification but you don't want the blood of anything on your hands, with a little exception for Theo, you're not above getting into a catfight with him (which you technically already did, although the damage was mainly done with words.) Calling Theo a bloody bastard and airing out all his dirty laundry (mainly his nauseating habits that you'd pushed to the side) to dry in front of his new fling, René was as much metaphoric blood you were willing to have sprayed on your hands. Maybe you were being more influenced by your dramas than you thought?

But back to the real point at hand, you do not want ill to befall anyone (apart from Theo). And especially not your cat.

You're so far gone with searching every nook and cranny of your little apartment for a hint of Ara that you don't notice the incessant knocking that has started tapping up your door. Quickly, you drop the pile of clothes you'd thrown out of your wardrobe, as you had raided to look for Ara, and head over to your front door.

Peering up through the peephole, you try to decipher who's there. Hopefully not Theo. He'd tried stopping by twice since you broke up with him and it always ended in you telling him to get the hell out and he claiming to have made a "grave mistake" and all that jazz that you do not believe which leads to you yelling at him to leave again. Jesus Christ, you were turning into a miniature Alphonsine, the only thing missing was the hot sex. Which you weren't getting any time soon and even if you were, it sure as fuck wasn't coming from Theo.

But regardless of this new discovery, you're still in no mood to see him today. You already have to deal with him every day at work and you'd rather not bring that hell of a mess home.

So, when you pull the door open the door, you're somewhat already preparing yourself to clash face-to-face with your ex. Ready to send him away again because, for the love of God, you're not going to hand him a second chance even if your life depends on it. But instead of Theo, it's someone completely different. Someone that's holding a sleepy Ara in his hands, scratching her head lightly.

"Oh my god," you say, reaching for Ara and taking her cautiously into your arms. You know better than to try and disrupt her sleepy state. "Thank you so much. I had no idea she even left the apartment."

The man waves away your gratitude with a shrug, smiling in a blithe manner. "It's no problem at all. I'm not sure if you noticed but she likes coming to my apartment a lot."

This is news to you but you don't want to seem as incompetent as you feel in front of this stranger, so you force a smile unto your face and try to relax the tensions in your shoulders.

"Really? I'm sorry but I have to ask, who are you?"

A look of embarrassment washes over his features as he soaks in your words. Maybe you were too harsh, calling him out like that? But you truly didn't know him at all. There was no way you'd ever forget a face like his, you don't think. He didn't have rough around the edges, rogue looks like Theo (or any of your exes, to be honest) but he had a sort of laidback and soft vibe with black locks falling short off his shoulders in smooth bouncy waves.

Clearing his throat, he replies. "I'm your neighbor, Jaebum. You can call me Jae for short. I moved in about four weeks ago? Sorry I wasn't able to introduce myself earlier, but yeah, your cat likes to come over to my place and at first I really did think she was a stray, that's why I've been taking care of her anytime she showed up but had I known, I would've never tried to impose on you like that, that was—"

You have a feeling that he's not going to stop rambling unless you do the honors of helping him. So, you interrupt.

"It's okay, don't worry about it... Jae. She can do that sometimes. I really should get her a collar or something."

Since she'd mostly stayed at Theo's place and not yours, you hadn't thought about getting her one before. Theo didn't want it on her and you hadn't really thought about the possibility of losing her. Mainly because the events that surrounded you bringing Ara to your place had been unnerving. You'd found Theo in bed with Rene and subsequently, you had stormed out of there (after giving him a full piece of your broken mind) with Ara in your hands and your car keys already fumbling with trying to open your car.

"What's her name?"

Jaebum — Jae — is the one to shake you out of your thoughts, looking genuinely curious to know the answer to his question. You figure there's nothing wrong with telling him, especially since he'd been kind enough to take care of her in your negligence.

"Ara," you finally say, giving him a dry smile. "Thank you for taking care of her for me in my absence."

He shrugs again, running his hand through his hair and you watch as Ara meows as she stretches her body towards him. You still in your movements of scratching the top of her head. She never does that. At least, she's never done that to you, she'd always craved Theo's attention and now you see, she craves Jaebum's.

Maybe she's going through a phase where she only wants male attention?

You think it'll be rude to send him on his way without making small talk so after a while of restraining Ara in your arms, you fix your gaze back to him and say:

"So... do you have any cats?"

"Yeah. Three but one is staying over at my sisters for the meantime."

Wow. You don't think you could ever be responsible for more than two lives, you could barely remind yourself to have three meals a day and had to set timers to feed Ara because, god willing, you are bound to forget to one way or another. So, for that reason alone, you begin to hold this neighbor of yours on a higher pedestal. Taking care of three cats doesn't sound as comfortable or easy, you admire him for that.

"You must really love cats then," you snort to yourself at how obvious you're being. Of course, he loves cats, he has three.

He nods his head, probably realizing that this is his cue to leave. "Cats are amazing. Anyways, it was nice meeting you..."

"y/n," you fill in for him.

Jae smiles at your name as he continues on. "It was nice meeting you, y/n. If Ara ever needs to hang out with other cats or anything like that, mine seem to love her more than me."

Oh, how you can relate. Ara seems to like everyone else on the planet but you, her caregiver. You frown. Maybe you're feeding her food she doesn't like? You make a mental note to research more on cat food before you turn in for the night.

"Nice meeting you too, Jae. Hopefully, we see each other sometime."

Against your own words, you do not, in fact, see each other sometime after that. If not for the fact that you're mainly preoccupied with due dates from work, you think you would have gone out of your way to make sure it happened because contrary to what your heart was telling you, you thought he was kind of cute. Well, not kinda. You really thought he was cute.

And if it had been of your own will, you would've long ago tried to ask him out on a date because hell, your single and ready to move past your ex. But your boss has ridiculously been on your case the past few weeks and by the luck of your fate, you've been paired, for the latest project, with René. René that refuses to let a day go by without rubbing into your face the "amazing" sex she's having with Theo, not that you even care. Fuck, you really want to deck her. How can someone be so un-classy about having your sloppy seconds? You'd never know.

Either way, René doesn't seem to be any help with the project. You've tried to work with her, although you really want to shove a stiletto heel through her eye for always going on and on about your fucking ex, she is adamant on not being productive or helpful. You wonder how she even got her job as a secretary in the first place. If you were the boss you'd never hire her. But in any case, you're stuck with her unhelpful ass for the next two weeks until the presentation to pitch a new update would be held.

"Ugh," you sigh to yourself as you lay on your living room floor, staring idly at your laptop. "This isn't going anywhere."

True to form, René had forgotten to send you the age demographics of people that had been using your company's app in the last six months. And without that vital information, you were stumped with how to prepare your speech. You wish you could call her and ask her to email it to you ASAP, but you know from experience that she would either ignore it or send you something completely irrelevant. What did you ever do to warrant such unprofessionalism from her, you wonder.

Flipping on your back, you stare absentmindedly at your ceiling. Maybe you should go out? It is a Wednesday night and you're almost certain that you're not going to clubbing today but you want to get out. So, after minutes of deliberating, you decide that you would go jogging. It's been a long time since you'd done anything active, you preferred to stay inside and watch stuff. But Piégé isn't scheduled to release a new episode until tomorrow, and you're bored.

Quickly, you go back to your room and try to find your exercise clothes that are hiding behind more used clothing. When you open your closet, you're met with the piercing blue eyes of Ara and your skin jumps off your bones.

"Oh my god, Ara," you say after catching your breath. "Why do you always do this."

These days she seems to be sulking. Maybe she's finally realizing that Theo is a no-show and you're all she's got. She refuses to allow you to carry her anymore and you think she's going through some kind of withdrawal phase. The only time she comes out of her dark places is to eat or to sit in front of the front door. Waiting for what? You don't know. But you guess she might be waiting for a long time.

Gingerly, you lift Ara up and make fast work with finding your clothes. Once you do, you strip out of your pajamas and change into your athletic leggings, a long-sleeved shirt and tie your shoes. Ara has made her way to the living room and once again has resumed her spot in front of the door. Christ, maybe you should call Theo and have the two of you work out details about the rearing of Ara.

Maybe two weeks with him and then two weeks with you? But then again, he hasn't actually asked about Ara at all since the breakup, so you wonder if he even cares that she's gone. You check to make sure her collar is on her neck before you grab your phone, keys, and earphones. Even though you're sure she won't care, you blow Ara a kiss right before you close the front door and lock it.

As you're walking past the apartment next to yours — room 321, to be exact — their door opens and out comes Jae. He has a leash connected to two collars that are respectively connected to one white cat and another black one. You still have at least a few seconds to dash down the stairs without him seeing you but you find your feet remaining where they are and you find yourself saying:

"Oh, hey!" There's so much excitement in your voice that you inwardly cringe at it. "Long time no see."

He makes a loud noise of surprise when his gazes rests on you, his hands reaching out to clutch his chest. "Shit, that scared me."

You laugh at him. His hair is hidden behind a gray beanie and it helps you see his face clearly and you notice the little black dot above one of his eyes, it's cute — you think.

"Sorry," you say, not sorry at all.

He knows this and his mouth breaks into a low smirk. He makes a move to run his hand through his hair but stops halfway when he remembers that he cannot because of the beanie. "Are you heading out?"

You nod your head. "Yeah, this body isn't going to work out itself."

"I'm taking Kunta and Odd for a walk, mind if I join you?" He points at each cat when he says their name and they perk up when he says it.

You suddenly feel like going back to your apartment and hugging Ara, but you know she'd probably scratch your face against the skinship. So, you grit your teeth and focus on the cats in front of you instead.

"Not at all. Do you have a route you usually take?" You ask as the two of you walk down the stairs, Kunta and Odd in Jaebum's arms.

"It's a pretty simple one. From here to the park and back."

Fucking hell. The park is at least thirty minutes away by car, imagine how far it'll be by walking? You groan at the thought. This is the first time you're going jogging in months and by god, you need to take it slow or else you'll end up passed out before you even make a round trip. Jaebum must realize your distaste about the prospect of making a fifty-minute walk because he offers to cut it short. Faster than you'd like, you agree to his adjusting. Maybe in a few weeks, you'd be able to, but right now in the state that you're in, you doubt you'll last.

Outside the August air is not as hot as you thought it'd be so you're thankful that you had enough sense to wear a long shirt because if not, you'd be tempted to run back inside your apartment and watch reruns of Piégé in the comfort of your bed. Jae sets his cats on the ground, oblivious to your internal turmoil, and begins to lead the way. Easily, you fall into step with him.

You find out that he's a very fast walker as you try to keep a conversation going. You ask him about his job and find out that he owns a pizzeria, to your astonishment. You'd always wanted to be your own boss, sadly that was a bust. He tells you that running his own place is pretty fun minus a few exceptions but it was a family business so, once he graduated college his father passed it on.

He asks you about what you do for fun and you tell him about your obsession — love — for Piégé with a pride in your voice. Although you tell him that you can't really watch it without subtitles since your French is still lacking, he seems blown by it regardless and you feel satisfied for some reason. Like you've impressed him a little.

After almost a good fifteen minutes of keeping the same pace and you feel as if you're finally getting the hang of things, he breaks into a run. You think you can keep up, you're not that out of shape but before you know it, you're struggling to release a breath and you're about ready to collapse on the concrete ground in defeat. Even his freaking cats have better stamina than you, damn.

"You okay there, y/n?" Jaebum asks when he catches a glimpse of you almost knocking your knees against each other. Fuck, this is embarrassing.

Struggling you manage a response. "Definitely. I'm a just a little... peachy."

Jaebum snickers at you, folding his arms across his chest and halting his steps to allow you calm down. "Really? Wouldn't have guessed."

You're tempted to throw him the finger because you know he is mocking you but instead, you squat down and place your head in between your hands. It hasn't even been thirty minutes and you already want to quit, how the hell is he doing it? You raise your head and give him a once-over. In his black t-shirt and matching basketball shorts, you think, he definitely looks the part of a healthy runner.

"Are you checking me out?"

Whoa, you are most definitely not. Okay, maybe you are. But it's not like you can help it. He has pretty defined muscles and his smile sort of does something to you, you're not exactly sure what, but you'd be a fool to deny how sexy he looks. He doesn't come off as cocky or overbearing. His looks are more soft and easy on your eyes, a good kind of feeling.

"So, what if I am?" You cock an eyebrow at him.

He doesn't expect your reply. You know this because, after a few seconds of him looking out of his element, he clears his throat and says:

"I was not expecting that."

You scoff lightly at him, standing back to your full height and dusting imaginary dust off your leggings. He's cute, you think for maybe the second(?) time that night.

"I'm ready to continue if you are," you pull your hair strands together and tie them into a ponytail.

"You're telling me," Jaebum laughs softly at the smirk dancing on your lips. "Bet you'll need another break in fifteen minutes."

Rolling your eyes, you pat his shoulder playfully. "Try me."

And try you he does. If you thought he was running fast before, he turns into damn sonic in front of your eyes. Holy shit, he's fast. You know now that he's toying with you, making you eat your own words. You kick yourself in the shin because of this, if you had kept your mouth shut, none of this would have happened and you wouldn't be begging for another rest-stop not even ten minutes later.

Jaebum guffaws at you as you crash with a heap onto a wooden bench littering around the plaza. Your muscles are crying for help, you think you might need to order an Uber to take you home because this running thing just isn't going to work out.

"Try me," he repeats your words but with a mocking undertone. "You're way too cute, you know."

Apparently, you don't know because you can feel your ears getting hotter by the second. Keep it together, y/n! You scream to yourself. You're not some high schooler. You've successfully graduated university; you are an adult. Being called cute should not get you lightheaded, goddamn! But your words fall on deaf ears because your body is still heating up, you effectively blame it on the lack of oxygen reaching your head and nothing else. Of course, nothing else.

"Shut up," you mumble mainly to yourself but he hears it and breaks into another fit of laughter. "I'll have you know, I'm usually a good runner. I'm just not in the mood today."

Jae raises his hands up in faux surrender. "Hey, hey. I believe you."

You want to chuck your sneakers at him but restrain yourself because you know there has to be something that he's bad at and when you find it, by gods, you would never let it go. You laugh to yourself. Yep, all you have to do is survive this one embarrassing moment and you're sure the world would be kind enough to repay back for your deed.

After all, life was all about the moments. And contrary to how the moments in your life were adding up about two weeks ago, this time the moments in your life, you were sure, are going to lead to you getting sweet, sweet revenge on Jae. He can have his laugh right now but you know in the end, you'll be the only one laughing... you hope.

It takes a while for him to sober up but when he does, he squats down and gives his attention to Kunta and Odd. He treats them tenderly and talks to them in a voice akin to what someone would use on a baby. You're not paying any mind to what he's saying until you hear your name fall from his lips. Much to your dismay, he is telling his cats all about your blunder and how he thinks you'll probably "pass out any minute now."

You huff out a breath and repeat your mantra to yourself. The universe was going to slip up and let you see the thing he was bad at, but until then you resign yourself to instead try your best at catching your breath.

You watch Jaebum interact with his cats and a small portion of your resolve fades away. You can tell that he really does adore them and for a moment you long for Ara. She's soft and cuddly whenever she allows you to hug her, you feel at peace thinking about it. Definitely one of the only good things that came out of your past relationship.

Contrary to the laugh bubbling in his chest, Jae is the one to suggest that the two of you head back to the apartment building without completing the route. You guess he's taking pity on your exhausted state because you simply can't do it anymore. The walk back is better and you're somewhat thankful that he doesn't start running halfway through.

He asks you, tentatively, about your job and it takes you several moments before you decide to tell him about your position as a management and research officer at a fashion wear company. The brand is considerably popular and you've seen more than a handful of people wearing the outfits your company produces. It fills you with joy that you're able to work there, although these days that joy has been replaced by laced displeasure, courtesy of Theo and René.

You don't tell him about them though, it's not like you want to air out all your problems, but you tell him about Youngjae — your silver lining of sorts. You tell him about the days where Youngjae is the only thing that keeps you smiling with his new discoveries from animal documentaries. Youngjae and you have been friends since your freshman year at college and you think it's a miracle that the two of you managed to get accepted into the same workplace.

Jaebum points out his favorite coffee shop as you near the apartment complex. It's a big one, the biggest store on the block, and you know this because you pick your late coffee fix from there when you're heading to work every morning. He likes his coffee black, no sugar and you gag over-exaggeratedly.

"What? It tastes good," he says incredulously.

You shake your head remorsefully, appalled by his lack of quality coffee taste. "It tastes like liquid shit and you know it."

He concedes. "Okay, maybe it does. But it keeps me awake at least."

Smiling smugly at him, you revel in your win. "Still tastes like shit."

The two of you keep talking about seemingly irrelevant things; his favorite genre of music, your love for ice cream in the winter, his favorite author — which happens to be William Shakespeare. You were tempted to laugh at him and call him pretentious until you saw the admiration glowing in his eyes; it was enough to make you reevaluate and let him go on a full expedition of his favorite works by him.

You don't realize you've been listening to him describe this love for at most eight minutes until you're in front of your apartment door and it's time to say goodbye but you kind of want to keep listening to him. It's something he really cares about, you can tell and for a reason, you don't know, it fills you with a sort of contentedness watching him talk about Shakespeare with such fervor.

Leaning on your apartment door, you're about to pitch in your own opinion to something he's said when your gaze catches someone walking up behind Jae. Oh, fuck shit. Groaning, you close your eyes. This cannot be happening. Not now, not here. You aren't starring in a melodrama, so why does it feel like you've been assigned the role of the main character?

"y/n!" The last person on earth that you want to see says with so much excitement in his voice you want to hurl yourself at the sun.

You can sense the confusion rolling off Jaebum in waves. You don't want him to be caught in the crossfire that's bound to happen between Theo and you. You're not very good with confrontations, blame Alphonsine for teaching you it was best to scream it all out when push comes to shove. You peel open your eyes and focus them unwaveringly on Jaebum.

"It was really nice hanging—"

"y/n! It's me, Theo," he repeats, coming closer and sidling up to you. "I came with flowers."

And what the fuck are flowers supposed to do? Flowers aren't going to keep his dick from finding the nearest trash can and dumping his load in it. God, you wonder, whatever you had ever seen in him?

Jae furrows his eyebrows in concentration, trying to piece who Theo is to you. Kunta and Odd are quickly becoming restless, wanting nothing more but to go into their home already and you take this as your cue.

"It was amazing hanging out with you Jae," you offer him a smile, ignoring Theo. "But I have to go now. We should hang out soon though, yeah?"

You don't wait for an answer, instead, you grab Theo's wrist roughly, because you're furious at him, and drag him into your apartment. You're about ready to pounce on him, ask him why the hell he's here — you thought you'd made it clear that you didn't want anything to do with him, apparently not clear enough.

"Jae? Who's Jae?" He asks once he's in the solace of your apartment.

"That's what you're asking me?" Unbelievable. Simply unbelievable this fucker is. "How many times do I have to tell you that I fucking hate you?"

"You don't hate me, y/n. Right now, you're angry, I get it. But we can work through this—"

You can't bear to listen to the bullshit that's coming out of his mouth. The way he says your name like you’re some kid that's throwing a non-deserved tantrum, makes you clench your fists at your sides. How, the ever-loving heck, had you dated him for five months? You can barely stand him now.

"Shut up! God, just shut up and get out. Why do you keep embarrassing yourself? Go back to René. The two of you deserve each other."

"I love you," he says and you know he's pulling out all the stops tonight directly out of his ass.

"Oh, fuck your love," you push his shoulder and direct him to the front door. Suddenly you're very angry, boiling even, and you can swear a vein in your neck is about to burst. "Go. I'm not playing Theo. If you don't leave, I'll call security."

There's a shift in the air and suddenly Theo is too close. You've never been afraid of him before; Theo's all talk and no bite. However, right now the feeling that slithers through your body is unadulterated anxiety. You're not backed against a wall but you feel like your safety has been compromised and you want him out. Out of your house, out of your hair, out of your life.

"Get out. We're done." You manage to say without your voice shaking, but your heart is pounding furiously in your chest. "I don't want you here."

"But you want Jae?" His already rough face contorts to something uglier. "What does he have that I don't, huh?"

For starters, he hasn't cheated on you, not like there's much competition there. Theo isn't the smartest cookie in the box, he thinks more with his sexual body parts than he does with his brain. You could swear that if you knocked on his head a shattering hollow sound will echo out, can't say you'd be surprised.

Alphonsine Vernoux, you think to yourself, watch me and be proud.

"His dick is pretty impressive, not going to lie."

Even when you're shaking in your boots, you can't really resist the urge to engage in a catfight with him. Your step-mother had always told you to go down screaming and by god, you are not going to allow Theo to intimidate you for something you don't need to feel bad for. Because you don't.

"You are a fucking slut!" His voice is loud and you can't help the incredulous laugh that falls from your lips.

"Me? Newsflash Theo; we're not together anymore. I can do whatever the hell I want."

He doesn't deserve an explanation because it doesn't matter. If he can do it when he's in a relationship, what's stopping you from doing it when you're not?

"It hasn't even been a month, y/n," he says this like it would matter to you if it has been a year or three. He doesn't own you, he ever did and he never will. Moreover, did he expect you to wait a fucking month to get over his sloppy ass?

"Are you seriously saying this right now? You're the one that screwed somebody else when we were dating! Are you fucking stupid or what?"

Theo blinks a dozen times a minute, not quite understanding what you're saying. A pig, that's what he is. So, he was allowed to go around sticking his small as fuck dick in anyone he pleased, but god forbid you do the same? (let's not even put into consideration the fact that you're single as a circle sure as hell isn't straight.)

Oh, how you want to reach up and smack him so hard he fades to dust on the spot but you're not crazy and you don't want to abuse him, you just want him to leave you alone.

"You know what? Just get out." Without waiting for him, you pull open your door and push him out with as much force as you can gather. "If we're not at work, I don't ever want to see your sexist, disgusting ass ever again. Take your stupid flowers and go give it to a bitch that cares because it sure as hell isn't me."

And then you slam the door with so much fervor it shakes on its hinges. You pull at your hair, agitated and tired because you hate him so much. Why did you even think it was a good idea to date him? The selfish prick only thinks about himself and must be some different type of delusional to think flowers were going to do anything to salve your relationship. Christ, you'd basically left Jaebum standing like a fool outside and for what?

You are pretty sure that he probably heard all that just happened. The walls in this apartment complex are thin and it's not like you weren't screaming at the top of your lungs. Ugh, you doubt he'd even talk to you again but you truly can't bring yourself to care anymore. All that you want to do now is sleep. Sleep and forget about everything. Never in your life have you ever felt so humiliated. If you could go back in time and erase meeting Theo from your history, you wouldn't even bat an eyelid.

Furiously, you punch the air and imagine it's Theo's face. It feels good to do it, like your dishing out his own medicine. You truly can't believe he thinks you were going to turn celibate because you dumped him, did he really have no sense? You keep going at it, punching the air until it feels like you've connected with his jaw because frankly, it's helping you release all your pent-up tension and annoyance.

A set of knocks proves to be the only thing able to bring you out of your punching galore and without missing a beat you yell:

"Go away, Theo! I mean it when I say I'll call the police. Don't try me."

"It's not Theo."

Indeed, Theo, it is not. Scrambling, you rush over and jack open your front door for the third time that night and through your eyes you see a glassy and blurry silhouette of Jaebum standing at your doorstep. Oh, he's not what you're expecting.

Clearing your throat, you attempt to correct your previous words. "I'm sorry about that. You're obviously not Theo and I'm sorry again for being so rude earlier, I don't—"

You're not really sure where you're going with your apology because even though you know what you want to say, the words keep mangling and choking up in your throat before you can say them.

"You're crying," he states softly and you realize now how wet your cheeks have become and why your vision is all muddled up.

"I'm not," you lie because dammit, you shouldn't be crying over that douche. You hastily try to wipe the tear marks away with the back of your palm but oh boy, they keep on coming.

He hesitates for a second before he raises his palm up and uses his fingers to rub at the tear stains. "You are. I heard what he said earlier."

You stomp your feet in annoyance because this is so unfair. How dare your ex just waltz in here and make you regret one of the best nights you've had in a long, long time. How fu—

"I for one, think your ex is the dumbest donkey on the planet. Not that I meant to eavesdrop or anything because I'd never do that but fucking hell, does he really have no filter? I've never been more inclined to use my fists and punch the light into someone as much as I want to do it to that dude. He deserves it, I think."

You crack a smile at his ramblings. God, it's endearing when he goes off tangent. Especially when you can see that he's trying his best to stop you from crying — he's doing a phenomenal job because you've been reduced to irregular sniffling.

"I'm sorry that you didn't get to finish what you were saying about how Shakespeare should be treated in modern society." You refer to your earlier conversation before everything had blown bigger than you could contain it.

"y/n," he sighs out your name. "I honestly don't give a flying shit about that right now. Your ex-said some really rude things and I hope you know it's not true."

"I know. I don't even know why I'm crying, I guess I'm just frustrated because I should have known he wasn't the smartest or the loveliest. God, how could I have been so blind?"

Jae shakes his head slightly, releasing your cheek and instead grabbing your elbows to keep up grounded. "What's done is done, so it doesn't matter but I just couldn't stand to listen to him degrade you like that. You're an amazing person y/n."

"Thank you," you say and you mean it. "I probably would have gone and cried myself to sleep if it wasn't for you."

Truthfully, you think you still will. At this point, you want to rush to your bed and collapse into a deep sleep for at least ten years. Like you've said again and again; you're not devastated. But you're so tired. Tired of it all.

"Or you could show me that French TV show you like. I wouldn't mind staying up with you and watching it if it means that you won't cry yourself to sleep... obviously, don't do this if you don't want to. I mean, I wouldn't hold it against you. Your stupid ex just came in and ruined your night, I don't want to impose on you and make you uncomfortable or anything like that because uh, you know that would suck. So—"

Watching him ramble on, you imagine the gears in his turning. On one hand, you could take his proposition as a move on a very vulnerable person but on the other you can take it as someone, a very nice someone that your body and mind seem to be keen on keeping around longer than you want, trying to console you. And you don't know why, but you think it wouldn't be a bad idea to allow him to do that.

"It's okay. You can come in," you cut him short as you step aside and push your open door wider, flashing him a watery smile. "I'm not exactly sure if you'd enjoy Piégé though. Loads of drama."

His eyes flicker between your face and then the floor, you believe he didn't quite expect you to accept his offer. But then he shoots you a slow smile in response. "Good thing I love drama then."

It is because it turns out that Jaebum loves Piégé more than you. Gradually but surely, it becomes somewhat of a ritual for the two of you to go for a run (something that you definitely got better at) and come back home to your apartment and watch the newest episode together. Something you never thought would be happening when you first met him.

You don't know when exactly the switch came but it did — slowly. You couldn't really deny the sexual attraction brewing between the two of you, not you wanted to, but this time you didn't want to build a relationship only on the physical. This time you wanted to actually know the person you were becoming accustomed to. And although we, as humans, can never know all there is to know about another person because we do not even know all about ourselves, you at least want to try. Especially since he lets you do it.

Finding out that Ara becomes way less irritable when Jae is around is a golden opportunity that you don't miss, and hence use it to keep him at your apartment longer because screw it, you feel something with him.

So, it comes as no surprise to you when he texts you in the middle of your workday — three weeks later — telling you that he has successfully binge-watched the first four seasons of Piégé in two days and he finally was up to date on the happenings of Alphonsine Vernoux and her love, Jean-Louis, so by association, you were finally able to gush and rave about the newest additions along with him and god, that was a good feeling.

It's not the same kind of feeling you had with Theo or Seongwon or any of your exes. This is different. It's calm. Being with Jae is calm and relaxing. It's more of a slight-tingle-that-washes-all-over-your-body-until-you-can't-think-straight kind of feeling. It's not explosive or counterproductive and it doesn't make you want to tear your hair out by just thinking of it. Instead, it makes you want to flow with the waves and enjoy the seasons because you know no matter what, you feel warm.

He makes you feel warm. When he remembers that your favorite time of the year is Halloween and hence helps you prepare two months in advance so the two of you can coordinate costumes for Youngjae's annual Halloween party. When he listens to you rant on and on about how much you hate René for making some otherwise snarky comment about your love life and when he rejoiced with you when she finally! packed her bags and moved five states over to marry the dude you hope will last with her for a long time because you know nobody else on this goddamn planet will.

When you introduce him to your rather small friend group and he makes it a sole duty to try and get in their good graces, which to be honest wasn't hard. He makes you feel warm when you listen to him talk about his dreams and his hopes or when he listens to you talk about the new things your attention has latched onto.

He makes you feel proud whenever you stop by his pizzeria and watch him handle his business in a cool, organized fashion. Most times trying to impress you and most times you leave there fully impressed. You listen to him talk about how much his dream of wanting to write and get something — anything, published. His parents had been against it. But then you encourage him to do it because fuck, life is too short to not do the things you love. And you can tell he loves it; in the way, his eyes light up every time you ask him about it.

"It's all about the moments," you tell him as you pretend to not see the corny grin lacing his lips as you do so.

He pushes you over the edge when he challenges you to do the things you're too afraid to. You never admit your fears but somehow, he knows them and proceeds to drag you out of your shell. You would say you hate it, but not really. You hate how he knows you like the back of his hand. You're not sure how you feel whenever his arms wrap around you at night and pull you closer to him, filling your emptiness with something more.

There's so much to be said about the way he holds you. Like you were made for him. He tells you he believes "loving one person for a long time is enough." And as the days add up to weeks that add up to months, you begin to believe them too. Being with him makes you believe in the corny quotes ripped off the internet that your step-mother has ingrained into you. It makes you wish you'd believed in them sooner.

He makes you feel content with everything every time his lips come in contact with your skin. It wraps you whole and makes you want to choke out "I love you," again and again until he believes it and burns it in his mind because it's true. When he doubts whether he is enough for you because he believes you're too good for him, you want to scream it aloud at him. Oh, how you want to but, you're scared. It's been months — eight to be exact — and you're not particularly sure if it's enough time for him to believe your words.

But after several weeks of trying to get Jaebum out of this stalemate that he's in, of him thinking that you deserve better than him when really all you ever want is him, you decide that you've had enough.

You corner him after work. A few hours after you've already gone back to your apartment to grab Ara for her nightly jog, you'll be damned if you allow her only to sit on her ass and eat all day, and left her to fall asleep soundly in the living room.

He's wrapping up the last things left to do at his store — telling one of his workers, a girl named Haru, to leave for the night and that he'll close up — when you find him. Instead of walking in like you'd usually do, you wait outside.

You're nervous. More nervous than you've ever been in your entire life. You've known for quite some time now that you love Im Jaebum. You love him so much that it seems almost stupid to not let him know. You know he loves you back, if not for the fact that the two of you have been dating for the past eight — almost nine — months, his little nickname for you "my love," was enough to tip you off. And at this point, you don't care. You just want to let it all out.

When he comes out of his store, wrapping a scarf tightly around his neck, you think to yourself: this is it. Looping your arm through his, you watch as an affectionate smile automatically slips onto his face. God, this is so incredibly corny but you feel your stomach do flips.

"How was your day?" He asks you first, maybe because he can tell how nervous you are. "Anything happen?"

You shake your head. "Not really. I did pitch in this really good idea though and my boss actually liked it. I thought I would cry."

"Bet you did," he chuckles out, wrapping his arm around your shoulder.

"Did not. I would never cry in front of that woman. She'd probably fire my ass because of 'disruption or negligence of duties.'"

Jae snorts at that but doesn't say anything in response. Instead, his fingers rub slow circles on your shoulders and you think maybe he knows something is up with you. You know it's not that big of a deal, truly. You've told him how much you love him by your actions every day since the day the two of you got together but it still feels oddly different trying to get the words out because you feel like they'll come out wrong.

It's not till you reach the big coffeehouse, the one Jae adores, that he finally stops to ask you:

"Babe, what's wrong?"

And before you can stop yourself or even think through your next actions, you throw your arms around his neck and flush your lips against his. For a moment, he's stunned into stupidity but soon enough he's clasping one of his hands around your back and threading the other one through your hair and you're sighing into you him. "I love you." He laughs into your neck because it's so obvious.

"I know."

"No, no," he doesn't. Not in the way you're trying to say it. You break away, dazed. "I love you. I love you no matter what. I love your stupid bets to get me out of bed in the evening to go running with you, I love your writings and the little post-it notes you have stuck everywhere in my apartment. I love how you don't make me feel weak for crying when I get so frustrated, I love you for attempting to sing a lullaby for my niece that one time but instead made her cry the whole night.

"I love you for always knowing what you want to do but never trying to force it on me. You don't understand, Jae. I love you. And I hate that you think I deserve someone else because you're the best possible thing that's happened to me. You're my best moment and fuck, I hate seeing you doubt yourself so much and—"

"I know," he says again and this time you think, he really does. "I know and you don't have to force yourself to say it when you're not ready. I know you love me and I'm sorry for making you think that I didn't believe in it otherwise."

Without much words, he laces his fingers through yours and rests his forehead against your own. You think you finally understand why your step-mother went/goes through so much trouble to remind you that the moments you make in life are beyond important. They make you. They teach you about love. Not the love you thought you had or knew about but real love. The kind that fills you up and makes you a better person. The kind of love that's just waiting to consume you.

With his breath fanning against your skin, you feel everything at once. The connection you have with Jaebum, the guy that you were blessed to have as a neighbor. You suppose you should be thanking Ara for the two of you being where you are today. But then again if fate really wanted the two of you together, it would have happened with or without Ara's help anyway.

You can hear your heart pounding ridiculously loud but you take a deep breath and say it again.

"I love you."

And this time he doesn't say he knows, he says it back. "I love you too, y/n."

You wonder what passersby are thinking about the two of you. Two grown adults professing their love for each other on the street like they've run mad.

He raises his head and looks at you, eyes so intense and burning, like he'd been waiting for you to say it in this way. Not in a rush to get all the words out because you and he have all the time in the world, but slow and understandable. You squeeze his hand tighter.

Regardless of the moments that led up to the two of you being here together and the circumstances that surrounded it, you're thankful. So, fucking thankful, because it means more to you than you'd ever thought possible.

"So, I was thinking," Jae's lips tilt up after several moments. "Do you want to move in?"

A/N: hey! it would be super cool if people gave me feedback on this :) i hope you liked it! thanks so much for reading !!

⇢ masterlist

©️ 2017 kai, moonbelt [aka high-on-food]

[inactive151738582]

what are your favorite shyan fics ever????????

lemme start out by saying this, love. In no way do I think that just because an author that isn’t on here, doesn’t mean I hate their writing. I chose these specific fics that grabbed my heart, got me hooked, made me re-read parts over and over again. 

With that being, I present to you Gabrielle’s recs for her favorite fics under the cut!

A Ghoul’s Guide To Life, Death & Afterliving by MercurySkies

Summary:  Shane was dead: to begin with. There is no doubt whatever about that, to quote ‘the’ Charles Dickens with an emphasis on the ‘dick’. They didn’t tell you the great Victorian novelist was also a grade A asshole in high school but then again what do they tell you in high school? Shane Madej was dead, as dead as one disembodied soul standing seemingly above his own corpse probably can be.’

Chapters: 21/21

Commentary: holy shit balls y’all. this fic hits you right in the feels. whether it’s the style of the author’s writing or the slow burn that makes you beg for the two idiots to kiss. it’s an enjoyable story that everyone can enjoy that deals with heavy topics and sheds light on to them.

show me what i’m looking for by bodhirookes

Summary: Shane works at the university library and, somewhere in between fighting with Keith about everything and nothing, sharing contraband snacks with Sara under the help desk, and trying to avoid being killed by his take-no-prisoners boss, Quinta, he meets Ryan Bergara.

Cute, smiley Ryan Bergara.

Conspiracy theorist, believes that the Whaley House is haunted and that Amelia Earhart got abducted by aliens Ryan Bergara.

And Shane regrets hiding from Quinta in the History section because now he wants to kiss a ghost hunter.

Chapters: 4/5

Commentary: I got an update for the story a few weeks ago and I realized I subscribed to it and I never finished reading it. So I continued reading it and wow did I want to slap myself for deciding to stop reading this. It’s just amazing. And I’m a huge sucker for slow burn and this just screams slow burn. I’ve re-read scenes over and over again because it’s just that powerful. 

The Devil’s In The Details by chaoskiddeer

Summary: Shane had never thought too hard about taunting ghosts and demons. But it only takes one badly placed joke to invite in something that is better off left alone. His and Ryan’s comfortable friendship is going to be tested to its limits when a demon unleashes a storm of uncertainties into both of their lives. One thing’s for certain: Once the storm passes, his and Ryan’s relationship will never be the same again.

Chapters: 15/18

Commentary: holy crapola is this a good fic. I remember seeing this on my dashboard and setting low expectations for this fic due to the fact it seems like all demon!Shane fics are similar. Shane is the demon, Ryan finds out he’s a demon after a ghost or another demon tries to go after Ryan and so on (no hate though to demon!Shane fics). However, this is so different where as the demon posses Shane but however, Shane can control it and the demon can as well and I genuinely love it. And while it uses demonology terms and since I’m an atheist who has no darn clue about demons, the author explains to the reader about what the demon is and doesn’t like put paragraph after paragraph explaining what the demon is. 

Believer by cellardors

Summary: Some demons and otherworldly creatures love climbing up the power ladder. Shane is not one of these. He likes where he is (thank you very much) and has no interest in moving up. All he wants is to give his friend Ryan a nice birthday gift. So, naturally, everything goes to hell.

Chapters: 17/17

Commentary: so remember how I mentioned most demon!Shane fics go like “shane is a demon, ryan finds out and so on and so forth”? well while this is it, the thing that makes me love it so much is that the author has their own little twist to the same demon!Shane plot (again, no hate, just stating facts thats how it usually goes from what I’ve seen). an example being as mentioned in the summary, there’s levels. fucking levels, man. that make it so cool and (demon!)Shane’s stance on the thing helps the reader understand Shane’s personality a tad bit more which is helpful. also, there is a “villain” that was different than most fics and this is just such an amazing fic and wow I just love it.

See Me For Me by luxbuhree

Summary: Ryan loves a lot of things. He loves his morning jogs. He loves eating cinnamon buns. He loves watching the sunrise.

Then one day, he meets Shane — and he begins to love him too.

Chapters: 16/16

Commentary: I just recently discovered this work and boy do I love it! It has the right amount of fluff and angst. It’s not all fluff but not all angst and it has a cute little plot. I love angst with my entire soul but when writers put it in the same work every other chapter, I get turned off. Luxbuhree writes the angst naturally and it comes when you expect it to and not randomly and it’s just a sweet lil’ fic that has a happy ending.

out of the blue by PuggleBunny

Summary: He’s scared, because a gun is pressed up to his head and he’s at the mercy of a man with an eye for money and no conscience to stop himself.

But what scares him more is that he kind of wants him to pull the trigger, just to see what would happen.

OR: Unsolved is being canceled, Shane and Ryan are drifting apart, and Ryan doesn’t know what to do.

Chapters: 2/?

Commentary: hoooo boy, now these are all my favorite stories on this list. However, this one takes the cake. As you know, there is heavy angst in this story and it’s throughout and I pretty much just said that I don’t like a story where it’s all angst BUT the only exception being if it can relate to me. For example, I can’t relate (SPOILERS FOR BELIEVER JUST GO TO THE NEXT SENTENCE) to having my demon friend sacrifice himself for me. But I can relate to the fact where everything in my life is going downhill and it just kinda sucks cause you’re in that Hamlet kind of mood where you don’t want to die but you don’t want to live either. I feel like that’s what makes a good writer: having your characters having the ability to connect to real life situations or people for that matter because then it sends this feeling like “wow, I’m not alone” and in this case, it deals with suicidal thoughts and (gonna get deep yall) as someone who has struggled with depression for most of my teen years and suicidal thoughts, I felt alone and this fic just kinda makes me feel a little less alone and there was a comment from the writter stating that they too feel what Ryan’s feeling and it just makes it a nice feeling. However, I do wish there was an update but alas, all of us writers have an outside life. 

[sometimesrosy]

Tagged by @tracylorde thank you! and i’m glad you’ve come over to the dark side of writing fanfic too.

1. what is your most popular fic by kudos? comments? bookmarks? are they all the same?

kudos Proof Canon AU fake marriage where Bellamy and Clarke must marry to secure an alliance. This one has a lot to do with Clarke helping Bellamy recover from his trauma and learn to believe that he deserves love and happiness. Not slow burn. They get busy right away. And it causes problems.

comments Got You A series of interlinked story prompts set in canon AU after season 3. No second apocalypse. It’s mainly about how Bellamy is helping Clarke recover from her trauma and stop being afraid to love. Slow burn. A bit of angst in there that I think is why the comments are tops. Everyone freaked out. It was awesome.

bookmarks: The Air Is Fine Up Here This is an Ark AU set 5 years after the show, but in a world where The Ark’s air system is fine. It’s the political environment that is destructive. Second children are not illegal they are just shunned. Clarke is a doctor with an illegal clinic in Factory, and she meets Bellamy because he is doing gladiator fights to earn money to support Octavia. It’s pretty plot heavy. It was nominated for a best Ark AU on bellarke fanfiction awards a couple years back, so it was my most popular for a long time, but the others have caught up.

2. do you have a favorite of your fics? if not, do you have one you’re most proud of? why?

Coming Home, which is a modern AU with a divorced Clarke and professor Bellamy, where she comes back to her college town and discovers who she is again surrounded by her friends. So it’s got some themes of the show. I wanted to think about what kind of “apocalypse” would be that devastating in the real world. So I made it this kind of divorce/abuse thing. But it’s not about the divorce, it’s all about the recovery. So it’s not personal at all. (okay it is. although it’s still entirely fictional, not a memoir in the slightest.) I’m also really proud of the bit of humor in this. 

3. what fandom/ship (if you write for more than one) is your favorite to write for?

The 100 Bellarke

4. do you have any fics that got more popularity/attention than you expected? if so what were they?

Contracting and Expanding, this weird little child birth fic that I wrote because I was frustrated that women and girls don’t seem to understand what childbirth is really like. Like it’s this kind of open secret, and it’s so romanticized sometimes. I added a second chapter to wrap it up over a year later. I’ve never really understood why it is one of my most popular one shots. 

5. where do you get your ideas/inspiration from? do you have a fic that you feel is particularly unique in that area?

I have a WAY different path to fanfiction than most of you. It wasn’t a thing when I was a kid. There was no internet. I started writing fantasy and science fiction when i was 15, but it was all original because I didn’t know of this concept. And there was certainly no community for it. Nowadays I think writers build their chops with fanfiction, explore, experiment. When I got to fanfiction, I’d already been through that stage and was taking my writing SO SERIOUSLY. Fanfiction let me get the fun back, and lowered the artificially high stakes that I had created in my head. Writing is so psychological and the writing process is basically a writer fighting the demons in their head in order to get words on a page. Fanfiction was like a big FU to my demons, because I was going to enjoy writing again.

Most of my writing inspiration comes out of my history, my reading, my curiosity, my questions. Me. I’ve been such a Fantasy/Scifi geek for so long though, that a lot of it is based on that. Fanfiction, though, allowed me to write general fiction, without the pretension of literary fiction, which going to school for English/Creative Writing had conned me into thinking was the only deserving writing (screw you academia.) Ha. I actually wrote about Clarke as a professor and Bellamy as a student in Academic. Be aware, I was not an academic. I got out of college and started waiting tables so I could be a writer/artist. Ha. Like in The Arkadias/Just Having Fun Clarke/Bellamy povs for the same story. Okay. So my inspiration either comes out my real life or out of my scifi/fantasy reading. Or wish fulfillment and my love of fake marriage tropes ala The Carriage House.

6. do you have a favorite character to write POV for?

honestly it alternates between Bellamy and Clarke. I suppose I might have more from Clarke’s pov. I’ve never checked.

7. what’s your favorite sidepairing to include?

Raven and Wells maybe. I don’t do too many side pairings. I’m more into the platonic friendships.

8. do you have a fic you feel is underrated in comparison to your other fics? or you just wish more people would read?

Maybe Moonshine. Because I turned it into an original novel that I’m still working on and I really like it, but I can’t blame anyone because I left it unfinished it when I decided to adapt it. But it’s like a preview of my novel.

9. what’s something you would go back and change in one of your fics?

I think I did go back and change an Echo ex Bellamy girlfriend to Gina. 

Oh wait. I would have made everyone older in The Valley, part 1. It started out as a soulmate HS witches AU, but I tried to explain the sharing skin marks and it got pretty dark and very sexual. It’s the most sexual of all my fics, and I think it’s a little icky that she’s only 18. I like the concept but the HS thing was a mistake. Just like I don’t think I should try for writing smut, I also don’t think I should try for YA fic. I’m just not a YA writer. Or maybe it was the wrong story to try on. I had to drop that story. It went down a path that was more complicated than anticipated.

10. what is your favorite sort of comment to receive on a fic?

It’s kind of cool when people take quotes from the work and talk about what they meant or how they affected them.

11. what are your favorite genres of fic to write? (e.g. modern au, hurt/comfort, fluff, angst, etc.)

oh, sometimes I feel the need for Modern AU fluff ( a lot actually) but my favorite is probably Science Fiction, like not post apocalyptic, but space.

12. what are your favorite tropes to write?

Hands down, fake marriage/dating. Canon AU. Modern AU. Space AU. I’ve got a fake marriage for all. I’ve got a MULTI FIC fake marriage for all. And I’m not sorry.

13. do you write fics similar to what you enjoy reading or completely different? both?

The science fiction and the canon au is similar to what I used to enjoy reading IRL. But I’m in a phase of reading very gentle fiction. Fluff and easy reading. Comfort reading, so what I mainly read in my fanfiction is modern AU fluff fics.

14. what’s your writing process like?

My fic writing is a lot less planned out that my original novel writing. Probably because I already have the characters straight in my head and if I’m doing canon, I have the world too. 

So what happens is I get an idea that excites me. It starts spinning around in my head and I want to see what would happen if I put Clarke and Bellamy in that world. Sometimes I have an idea about where it ends up. Sometimes I don’t have any idea (except for Bellamy and Clarke always get together, but i may not know how.)

Then I go with the inspiration and write furiously for however long. When I’m posting a chapter every day or three? That’s this phase. Then I hit a snag. I’ve run out of inspiration or doubts have infiltrated my story or I don’t know where the plot goes next or life has gotten messy and ruined my focus, or maybe the story just got complicated and I need to work out the snag. My pace slows down. I start taking on other projects, writing or otherwise. I figure out the snag and work my way back into the story (or occasionally) I decide that story is either too complicated and drop it, or I decide that I’ve actually finished the story and need to wrap it up. 

15. multi-chapter, oneshot, or drabble?

Multi-chap. At heart, I’m a novelist and I have a hard time not thinking about how the tropes got to be the way they were in the story, so I build a world around them and create things to make them more logical or deal with cause and effect. And I also have a hard time leaving short stories the way they are, without continuing with what comes next. Sometimes when I read one shots or drabbles, I really don’t understand how the fic writers can simply not write what comes next. How do you keep yourself from continuing? My urge is to keep exploring the characters, story and world. I have finished multichaps that I could keep going with, but I have moved on to other stories.

16. if someone was only going to read one of your fics, which would you want them to read?

That’s a hard one. I think each one has something different to offer and I like them all. I put so much effort into the multichaps so I’m going to stick with one of those and pick the one I’m writing right now. Into Eden. It’s a space colonist AU and is turning out to be my longest fic ever and I think I’d count it as a novel. It will have a beginning, middle and an end, and there’s quite a bit of world building and conflict. It’s a fake marriage/mail order bride where Bellamy is the bride. If I can take a trope and put my personal spin on it so it’s a unique story, that’s what I’ll do. And that’s what I am trying to do here.

i’m really bad at tagging and this is why i don’t often do these things. it gives me anxiety so I’m only tagging a couple and if i missed you and you want to do it, please pretend that I tagged you because I actually want to hear EVERYONE do this. I think this stuff is interesting and it’s always good to think about your writing and your process. @mareebrittenford @marauders-groupie @the-ships-to-rule-them-all 

for ease, the questions are copied blank, after the jump. (good idea kat)

1. what is your most popular fic by kudos? comments? bookmarks? are they all the same?

2. do you have a favorite of your fics? if not, do you have one you’re most proud of? why?

3. what fandom/ship (if you write for more than one) is your favorite to write for?

4. do you have any fics that got more popularity/attention than you expected? if so what were they?

5. where do you get your ideas/inspiration from? do you have a fic that you feel is particularly unique in that area?

6. do you have a favorite character to write POV for?

7. what’s your favorite sidepairing to include?

8. do you have a fic you feel is underrated in comparison to your other fics? or you just wish more people would read?

9. what’s something you would go back and change in one of your fics?

10. what is your favorite sort of comment to receive on a fic?

11. what are your favorite genres of fic to write? (e.g. modern au, hurt/comfort, fluff, angst, etc.)

12. what are your favorite tropes to write?

13. do you write fics similar to what you enjoy reading or completely different? both?

14. what’s your writing process like?

15. multi-chapter, oneshot, or drabble?

16. if someone was only going to read one of your fics, which would you want them to read?