#I took an adderall and let it take me places

[stoneglassmoon]

What if you took me on a date and we went apple picking. Sunny day blue skies I drive and it’s beautiful. We get there and we get two medium buckets and I say we should pick McIntosh because that’s the only Apple I can remember the name of and you say Jazz because it’s the funnest name you can see on the Apple picking sign. I climb each tree like I am back at my childhood house climbing to reach heaven in the form of a beautiful bright red ripe apple. I throw them down to you and you yell up at me to be careful because I’m flailing around on the branch trying to grab every perfect apple in sight. When you’re not looking I’ll take a bite from a nearby apple on a nearby tree. My teeth and gums hurt from taking so many bites from so many apples. Some of them are sour and you turn around in time to see my face contort into a mess of puckered lips and squinted eyes and we laugh because we know I’ll never learn my lesson. Both of our buckets are full and so are my pockets and so is my stomach and my arms are so tired from carrying around both my bucket and yours (which I insisted I would carry). The car is the same temperature as the outside but without the wind we find comfort in staring at each other with big buckets of apples in our laps. What are we even going to do with this many apples. I can’t bake and you dont like pies. Apple juice sounds complicated and we dont own a juicer and applesauce sounds even worse and these apples are going to rot before we get halfway through. We accept the fate of our apples and take them home as a new member of our household and give them a seat at the dinner table. Day by day we chip away at our ripe red pile of treasure and sometimes I eat too many and get so sick I almost throw up but I love apples and peanut butter as a snack so I refuse to learn my lesson. We watch as the pile gets smaller and the apples start to decompose. I’m super picky with fruit and I stop eating them the second they start to brown. We can’t bear to throw them away though, so we let them sit and rot and the house smells like apples and it’s nice for a day but then the rotten scent moves in and we decide it’s time to let go. We take our sad bucket of sad apples that aspired to be beautiful and eaten in their prime. The woods behind the house call our name and we walk out, hand in hand and bucket also in hand and one by one we toss each and every apple at the trees. Some hit, some fly past and land somewhere in the fallen leaves and make a nice crackling sound as they land with a crunch. One at a time we kiss each apple and fire them from our hands at mediocre speeds, our shoulders sore and aching as the trees become covered in apple bits and peels and some have bounced back at us and now my pants have rotten apple bits on them but it’s ok because you’re laughing and I’m laughing and the trees are still standing and the sky is still blue. When we get down to the last withered apple, we decide to show mercy. We take it from the basket and set it on the ground. A proper apple burial. Eventually it will return to where it came from, melting into the ground and becoming one with the dirt. And then someday, along that same tree line, a new tree will begin to sprout. We will forget all about this day and get confused as we see apples appear after a few seasons. So many apples. What if we go in our back yard and we pick as many apples as we can reach. Two buckets full. How many apple trees do you think we will plant before we die?

[georgiapeach30513]

Your Mark On Me, Part 1

Summary: when you need something to help you stay alert study, you found a whole lot more than you were looking for. Tatted and massive. He was what your dreams were made of, but is he a nightmare? He claimed you, and now he intends on keeping you. No matter what the cost.

Pairings: Tattooed!Steve Rogers X Innocent!Reader

Rating: explicit

Warnings:  explicit language, explicit sexual content, selling drugs, taking drugs (adderall/marijuana), non con/dub con thigh riding, thigh riding with an audience, taunting, threating, a bit of degradation, teasing, 18+ ONLY

Word Count: 3.3K

Series Masterlist

*Tattoo edit by the amazing @randomagnes0210

Putting your car into park, you take a deep breath as you stare at the club in front of you. If you weren’t desperate, you wouldn’t be here. You had run through all the possibilities in your head, and this seemed like the best solution. Your grades started to slip after the breakup, and it was like you couldn’t concentrate. You couldn’t stay awake, and you weren’t able to study.

But this was beyond desperation. This was complete lunacy to be driving up to the belly of the beast. The rumblings of this club were more than just gossip. People who started doing more than taking the pills came here. The allure of big money and protection with Steve Rogers was hard to resist.

You didn’t want to sell, but you also didn’t want to buy from anybody on campus. You just need a few pills to get through finals. That was all. Enough to keep you awake to study, and then you were out. It made sense to go straight to the source for that. You didn’t care what it took. You just need to stay alert.

Exhaling deeply, you get out of your car. The bass of the music rumbles deep in your body the closer you get, mimicking the pounding in your chest. You can hardly breathe, and you know that your pulse is visible. You didn’t do things like this. You can’t afford jail time or even a mark on your record. You’d lose all scholarships, and have to drop out, and this would all have been in vain.

Stepping up to the door, a brutish man towers over you. His shoulders are wide and broad, and his arms as thick as your legs. Casting your eyes down to the ground, you get a glint of metal as his fingers. The man tilts chin up, and you tremble. Your whole body shivers with fear.

“Why are you here? You look like a scared little lamb coming to slaughter. It’s just a night club, darling,” his silver blue eyes look behind you, casting their gaze all through the parking lot. Seemingly looking for someone with you before looking back at you.

“Are you alone?”

“Y-y-yes,” you hiccup, trying to tilt your head back down, but even his finger was enough to keep you in your place.

“Why are you here?”

“I-I-I…”

“You’re not cut out to be a pusher. Your fear shows you know exactly what goes on upstairs. You offering up your flesh? I’m sure there are several that would love to feast on you.”

“Oh, god, you eat people? I’m sorry,” tears blur your eyes, but the man lets out a harrowing laugh at your expense. Grabbing onto your wrist as he pulls you in the club. This was it, you are going to die, and all because you thought you needed Adderall to stay awake.

“Oh, you’ll be eaten. There’s nothing more delicious than the honey between a woman’s legs. Your body will be trembling for a very different reason besides fear. It’ll be pure unadulterated pleasure. Pleasure so grand you won’t even know where you are. That is, if you get the right client.”

“I don’t want to be a whore. I want to go home,” he pulls you into an elevator, waiting on the doors to close before his sneering face is rounding back on you. Inching ever closer before both his hands go on either side of you. “I’m sorry. I…I don’t know what I was doing. I’m sorry.”

“You’re right. You are just a scared little girl. Steve will have fun with you. Tell me, little lamb, why are you here? You wouldn’t be good at selling, and judging by the sweat beading around your hairline, and you recoiling into your skin, I bet that cherry is still fresh and ripe in between your thighs, so selling your skin doesn’t seem like you. Someone offer you up as a sacrifice, giving you all sweet and innocent up to some man that is going to destroy you? You wired, sweetheart?”

“No,” you sob. Shaking your head. “No, I’m by myself. Honestly.”

“Tell it to Steve,” he growls as the doors open up, and he pushes you forward. “Go on,” it is hard to move with the adrenaline coursing through your veins. Your body pulses with fear. Convulsing uncontrollably, and when you see the cherry of a blunt light up in a corner, a dark figure clouded by even more darkness, and you yelp.

Attempting to turn around, and get past this behemoth of a man, but it was pointless. You are trapped. Just like a mouse in a maze waiting on her predator to pounce. A hand drops down on the arm of the chair, and almost every inch of it is covered in black ink. Rings adorn all his fingers. Rolling them along the fluffy arm, but never bringing his face into the light.

Inhaling a long drag of his joint you can almost make out some features on his face, and it only gives you more to be afraid of. He was just as big as the man that was refusing to let you go. “What have we here, Bucky? Did you bring me a little angel to sit on my lap? What’s your name, darling?”

He clears his throat when you don’t answer. Chuckling when you’re able to squeak out your name, “You’re just as sweet as an innocent Dove. I think that’s what I’m going to call you. Now, why don’t you come and sit on my lap, and let me get a better look at you?”

“No,” the answer comes out quickly, and much more surely than you were expecting.

He slowly stands up from his chair, twisting his neck to the side and a sickening pop rolls through every bone in his spine, and he takes one solid step forward, and his body is out of the shadows. Another step, and you see just how dangerously handsome he is. Tattoos erupt over every inch of his skin, except his face. A boyish quality to him with the smile of the devil, himself.

You have nowhere to go, because the brick wall behind you is nudging you closer to Steve, and the gap gets smaller. Steve’s thick hand raises the roach to his mouth, and inhales long. Flicking the stick to the side, he completely closes the gap. His hard muscles, coupled with the ones behind you stifle your breathing, and all you can do is stare up at him.

He blows out a puff of smoke, before his thick fingers close around your neck. Not tight enough to hurt you, but it would take only a second for him to start crushing your windpipe. “What did you say to me? Did you just tell me, Steve Rogers, no? Dovey, I could have you bent over this couch, and let every man that works for me stuff you full of cock, and there’s nothing you could fucking do about it. I was being nice when I asked you to sit on my lap. I just wanted to look at you. And now that I’m closer to you, I’m demanding you sit in my lap. The pleasantries are gone, sweetheart. So if you don’t want everyone to watch you take my fat cock, I would suggest you listen.”

Without warning, he walks back to his chair in the dark, and that ringed finger rubs over his thigh, “He won’t ask twice,” Bucky whispers into your ear, and you shuffle your feet over to Steve.

“You won’t hurt me?” His eyes roll up to meet yours, and he shakes his head no. Waiting for you to gently sit down, and a possessive hand, lays too high up on your thigh. Rubbing on it, and his fingers dip too low between your thighs. “I don’t like this.”

“I would have been much kinder had you just sat down, and not defied me. You wired?” You shake your head no, and his fingers move all the way up your legs. Roaming around at the apex of your thighs before cupping your covered core. Drifting up higher, and he cups each breast, and runs up the swells of them. Another hand sweeps down your back, until he grunts in satisfaction.

“You understand why I have to check? A pretty and sweet girl in a place like this. It’s like they know my weakness. There is something about fresh meat. Has anyone ever touched you, sweetheart?” You stare dead faced at him. You weren’t answering. You didn’t have to defy him, but that's none of his business.

“They haven’t. Your pussy was throbbing so hard, and that sweet little sigh you let out. I can make you feel good if you let me touch you.”

“I’d rather you didn’t. I just want to go home.”

He clicks his tongue as his eyes roam over your body. Getting too close as he sniffs up your neck, “You even smell sweet. You wanna know a secret?” Don’t answer. Just stare. “I can feel how hot that cunt is. Feel how she’s pulsing so hard at being filled. You hide nothing, Dovey.”

“Why can’t I go home?”

Steve settles back in his chair, glancing towards Bucky who also sits on a couch, and kicks up his feet. Rubbing his hand slowly up and down your back, but keeping a firm hand on your thigh. Keeping you spread out a bit more than you would want. “Why did you come here in the first place? You sought me out. I had to question things. Everyone knows I love pretty little things with tight pussy.”

“Stop, please,” your voice deadpans. There’s no emotion in you even though you want to scream and flail around. But it wouldn’t help. You chose to walk in here on your own accord, so now it was time to just listen.

“Why? You don’t feel that heat radiating out from between your legs? I have asked you why you are here, and you can’t provide an answer. So until you tell me, you’re going to sit like this. Have your panties become soiled with that sweet nectar. Uncomfortable, and desperate for friction. I just know you’re going to go home, and touch yourself thinking about me.”

“I won’t,” his eyebrow cocks up, and he waits. It would just be easier if you told him the truth. “My grades are slipping.”

“Oh, she’s sweet and educated. Let me guess…early childhood education? It will come in handy for when you take care of our kids,” Bucky snorts, leaning his head back on the couch, but you look at him horrified. “Oh good grief. What are you studying?”

“Early childhood,” a deep chuckle erupts out his mouth, tilting his head to look at the ceiling. Distracting you while his hand moves further up your thigh. “I…I need to cram in some studying.”

“I can definitely help you with some cramming. So you thought you would come to the supplier for some Adderall? Is that it? Why not ask one of the many people on campus? I’m sure they’re good and stocked up. We know it’s finals season.”

“I don’t trust people,” Steve moans, and his hand starts to rub in and out of the gap between your legs, only inches away from your core. “All it would take is for them to get caught, and then they’re ratting everyone out that they sold to. Even you.”

“Oh, trust me, if they sing like a canary and mention my name, it’ll be the last thing they fucking do. So let me get this straight, you, this sweet little Dove, come to the seedy part of town, thinking you’re going to march in here and ask for a few pills from me to get you through finals?”

“I have money,” you close your eyes as his fingers lightly graze over your panties. A skirt was a terrible idea, but you can deal with being angry at yourself later. Right now you just need to remain calm, and get out alive.

“I don’t want money.”

“I don’t want sex.”

“Oh, sweetheart, there’s definitely ways I could want you without having my cock going into your pussy. Fine. I’ll give you your fucking pills. If you don’t pass, you get to suck my giant cock. If you’re lucky I might let you ride my face before I split your pussy open for the first time,” don’t answer. Don’t even look.

“Why so wet Dovey?” Don’t answer. Don’t look. Definitely don’t moan. “Wet and so hot. I bet it feels like heaven in between your thighs. A pussy like this is something I would need all the time. Make you sit in my lap, with my cock buried so deep in your warmth, all while I hand out everyone’s product. Every seller would know you were taking my cock like a big girl, but they would see how much I stretch you out. Is that what you want? To be my pretty little cock ornament for all my sellers?”

Don’t answer. Don’t look. And stop whimpering. “You better answer me, you little bitch,” you gulp as he twists you around, making you stare at Bucky as you straddle his leg. Holding onto your hips as he forces you to grind on him. “How much do you have?”

“Carol told me they were fifteen dollars a pill.”

“I could give them to you for free. Just come on my leg, and tell Bucky what a pitiful little birdie you are.”

“I can pay like a normal customer,” you moan. This is humiliating. Bucky sits in front of the two of you, munching on some form of nut or cracker with the biggest eat shit grin. “Steve, I’d rather just pay.”

“Your money's no good with me. Who sent you? Carol? She’s the one that told you to come straight to me? Whoever told you to come here, sent you right into a mousetrap, sweetheart,” his own moan echoes yours as you clench your eyes close. You can’t look at Bucky or him. Your body is betraying you. Feeling things deep inside of you that you have never felt before.

Even the thought of Bucky watching this all unfold is making you weak. You hate it, but the pleasure is proving you didn’t hate it enough. “I have a type, Dovey. Sweet little ladies like you. One that wants to deny themselves all this pleasure is even better. I promise there are things that feel better than this.”

You didn’t want anything that felt better. It was like Satan had his finger curled, wiggling it towards you, and beckoning you deeper into depravity. First the pills, now riding someone’s thigh while another man watched. What was next? Did you even want to know? Or did you not want to let go?

Your hands slap down on either armrest, and you can not control the sounds that seep out of you. His tattooed fingers dig even deeper into your hips. He was going to leave marks on you, but it didn’t matter. What mattered now was the high that was all through your limbs. This shouldn’t feel good, and you are irritated by the fact that it was Bucky watching that made this more enjoyable.

“What is it that you want more than anything, Dovey?” Don’t answer. Keep your eyes closed. “The way this cunt is making a mess of me, I think you want to come, huh? Does this pretty little bird want to come? I’ll keep going until you pass out, so you better learn to talk to me.”

“Yes.”

“Yes, what, little darling? Yes isn’t a damn answer,” he grinds you down even harder on his thigh, and you have to brace yourself. Holding onto his knee as your head tilts back to the ceiling. The most strangled of cries as you come undone, but Steve doesn’t slow. Doesn’t stop, but goes faster. Harder. Leaving you screaming. Writhing around.

Your fingernails dig into his knee, but still he goes harder. He is trying to kill you. “What does my little bird want more than anything, hmm? Yes, isn’t an answer. And I won’t stop until you tell me.”

“I want…” your eyes roll into the back of your head as another orgasm builds up in your belly. You couldn’t think. Couldn’t process what is even happening. “I want to come!”

“Done,” Steve growls, giving your neck a little nibble, and you lose all self control. Your body trembles as you come undone. Whimpering even more when you hear drips onto the floor, as you squirt onto his thigh, and he gives your sensitive skin a hard suck.

“I figured you’d want your little pills to keep you awake for studying. Maybe even to pass your finals. But making you come is so much easier, and cheaper for me. Now how many pills do you need?”

“What” you pant out, turning to look back at him.

“You need pills. I’ll give them to you.”

“How much?” You ask, shifting on his thigh. No matter which way you turn, you’re uncomfortably wet. Slick coats the inside of your thigh, and Steve’s leg just further wipes it on you.

“Don’t worry about it.”

“Really, oh my god, thank you!” He releases your hold, and you stand up, ready to hug him, but take a step backwards instead. Staring down at his drenched leg in horror. “I’m sorry.”

“It’s okay. Bucky, get her five pills?” You give him a sweet little smile, nodding your head. “No more than one a day. If you need more, just come to the club, and Bucky will bring you straight to me, and I’ll take care of you.”

You can’t believe he’s being so nice to you, but you’re thankful. Delighted even as Bucky hands you a bottle, “It has my name on it.”

“I don’t need you getting in trouble, Dovey. I need you to pass your finals. Come on, let me walk you out to your car. It gets dangerous at night. You don’t need to be alone,” you forget about the mess left behind on Steve’s pants. Don’t even pay attention to how his eyes darken as he leads you through the club.

Don’t notice the stares that are pointed right at you, and all because you have a nasty little hickey on your neck, and Steve’s possessive hand on the small of your back. No one approaches the two of you. No one points. You’re able to get out of the club without some man hitting on you.

Steve opens the door for you, letting you get seated before buckling you in. “I don’t want you to be out by yourself.”

“Yeah, okay,” that is a weird request, but you weren’t going to be seeing Steve anymore for it to matter.

“Good luck on your finals, Dovey,” he licks his lips as he looks over the expanse of your body. You’re just thankful that it is over. It wasn’t that terrible. And you saved some money.

Bucky comes to stand beside Steve as he memorizes your license plate. A sinister grin on his face, “Don’t lose sight of her. You know what to do,” he tells his friend before walking back into the club. Bucky goes over to his bike, already sensing some late nights for himself.

Steve had a mission. To keep you safe. Because you are his. And your scent engulfed him fully. He was going to break you down. And he was going to have every part of you. You just didn’t realize it. But everyone else did. He saw the club goers look at you and their sight was quickly averted. He’d wear your juices for the world to see. And soon, you’d wear his mark as well.

Next

Masterlist

Taglist: @tis-thedamn-season @marveloustaylortot @pono-pura-vida @sstan-hoe @missusbarnes-rogers @peaches1958 @seitmaii @smile1318 @andydrysdalerogers @cjand10 @midnightramyeoncravings @kmc1989 @theinheriteddutchess

[intoxicated-chan]

𝐂𝐡𝐚𝐩𝐭𝐞𝐫 𝟕 ║ ❝𝐖𝐢𝐬𝐡 𝐈 𝐂𝐨𝐮𝐥𝐝 𝐒𝐡𝐮𝐭 𝐌𝐲 𝐏𝐥𝐚𝐲𝐛𝐨𝐲 𝐌𝐨𝐮𝐭𝐡❞

(A/n) ➳ I would like to apologize with how long this took me to write, I will admit, I was too busy planning out a Series for Striker (Helluva Boss). Also, I added another chapter so it’s gonna end with twelve chapters!

Word Count ➳ mentions of violence, blood, sexual content, groping, pet names (Darlin’), swearing, oral (M), mentions of selling drugs (Adderall), alcohol use…

Content Warnings ➳ 2k

JUDAS MASTERLIST

IT WAS A COUPLE OF HOURS AFTER RICK LEFT YOUR APARTMENT.

Your coffee machine was working overtime with the amount of cups you consumed. You couldn’t sleep with the constant texts from Lori and her mother dragging you over the coals about leaving a perfect man like Shane.

If you couldn’t avoid their words awake, you couldn’t find an escape in your dreams, you couldn’t escape everyone’s goddamn opinions. You paced around your apartment, cleaning and reading, reading and cleaning… And they were getting to you. You were starting to feel like you made a mistake.

You had never seen Lori angry, the last time you recounted would be on her wedding day, you couldn’t remember why but just the furious look on her face. And now, to drag her pregnant self to your doorstep and into your safe place, you couldn’t forget it.

No matter how many cups of coffee or the pages you flipped or the mirrors you wiped down or the batter you mixed. It was all starting to become too much to handle.

And when you heard knocking on your door, you were sure it was her again, ready to scream at you once again. You tried to ignore it, but it seemed to get louder and louder by the second. Whoever was on the other side was persistent.

You sucked it up and was ready to curse them out until you saw Daryl. For a moment, everything fell to relief until you saw the bruise over his left eye, a split lip, and bloody knuckles.

Both of you stared at each other. None knew what to say until he attempted to step forward, his voice was gruff and you couldn’t comprehend what was said. You remembered bringing him inside and sitting him down on your chair, asking all kinds of questions.

“What the hell happened?”

“How did you get this?”

Daryl remained silent, it was hard to tell what he was thinking. His eyes looked empty and he never pulled his hands back when you cleaned them, it was only when you reached to take off his jacket and shirt and stood behind him is when he pulled away.

You didn’t know and he didn’t want you to know. He couldn’t. You took a couple of steps back and turned the other way to let Daryl handle the rest of his injuries. You felt even worse now.

Did you overstep?

It was only until the two of you were in your room, that you still bore the shirt he left behind, more like it was stolen from him. You refused to give it back when he was leaving for work.

He laid his head against your shoulder, taking in your perfume, his cologne, and cigarettes.

“Daryl-”

He hushed you with a kiss, pushing you down onto the bed, his hands sliding under the shirt to grope your breasts.

“Please.” You heard him whisper in your ear. “Help me, would ya?”

And you listened, ripping off his leather jacket but letting him take off his shirt himself. You knew what he wanted, after all, he too fucked you mindless and he made you think about him.

But even if he was able to fog his mind with nothing but you, you couldn’t do the same. Your mind wouldn’t go blank and think about how good he felt inside of you or how he knew what made you click.

It was early in the morning, around seven. You had a freshly brewed cup of coffee as you sat back on your recliner, legs crossed as your eyes were glued to under the sofa. You could see the corner of the paper peeking out. Your nails tapped the mug.

“That guy isn’t who he seems to be.”

You scoffed to yourself. How desperate is Shane that he needed to have a background check on someone because you rejected him?

It was baffling, you never thought a man like Shane could go this far. You always held him in high regard, you had respect for him even if he got around a lot. But all the women you spoke to said that he was kind and caring, a boyfriend everyone would want.

But you never understood why he had so many girlfriends, he too said they were the best, rarely were bad ones. He once said that he planned on proposing but then they broke up, he refused to say anything about it and she ignored all your texts so you stopped contacting her.

You set the mug on the coffee table and bent down to push the paper back. You then jumped when you felt a hand on your rear, giving it a hard squeeze.

“Dammit Daryl!” you slapped his hand away but smiled when you got back up.

His hair was still wet from the shower, he wore a sleeveless shirt and sweatpants. His leather jacket hung over the arm of the sofa. “Somethin’ under there?” He asked you.

You shook your head, grabbing your hot mug. “I was lookin’ for the remote, thought it was there.”

Daryl chuckled, walking to your kitchen. “What’s with the damn coffee?” You heard him say,

You followed him, seeing him pour himself a cup. “If you don’t like it, you can gladly find some other apartment to crash in.” Placing your hands on your hips. “How long you plan on stayin’?”

“Don’ like me ‘ere?” He blew on his coffee a few times before taking a sip, licking his lips.

“You know I do.” You retorted, leaning against your counter. “I’m worried ‘bout you. You show up to my place without a warnin’, all bloody ‘n shit, and you still never told me what happened.”

“Ya really wanna know?”

“I mean… If it’s alright.”

Daryl nodded, wiping his mouth with the back of his hand. “It’s alright.” He replied. “Shit jus’ got rough at work. Things could’ve gone worse if my brother wasn’t there.”

“What do you mean?”

“I work at a bike shop, the customer wasn’t happy with the cost of fixin’ his shit bike.”

“A bike shop, really? And here I thought you worked at a cafe.” You joked.

Daryl lifted an eyebrow. “Ya screwin’ with me?”

You snorted loudly, giggling at his reaction. “No shit!” He rolled his eyes at you. “So, where is your shop?”

“North, jus’ into the mountains.”

You hummed. “I… I wanted to say sorry.”

“For what?”

“When I was gonna take off your shirt, I-”

“Ya ain’t gotta apologize for shit. Ya were tryin’ to help. Ma fault for not sayin’ anythin’.”

“Well, it ain’t normal for you to come to my place unexpectedly. But I’m glad to see you okay.” You reached over to touch his eyes, grazing over them. “I’d give it a couple of weeks, are you in pain?”

Daryl hummed. “Jus’ some throbbin’.” He set his cup into the sink, his hands coming to your hips. “But I’m sure ya can treat it as well.”

You smirked, that same hand coming down his eye.” Then you gotta tell me what you need.” Your hand trailing down his chest and to cup his semi-hard cock.

“Put yer mouth on it.” He immediately said, keeping eye contact. Even when you got on your knees and slowly pulled down his pants and you grasped his cock.

You could see him getting frustrated, grabbing the back of your head and giving it a push. “Keep your hands to yourself, Daryl.” You told him. “Touch me again and I’ll leave you like this.”

He cursed under his breath, throwing his head back when you jerked him off. “C’mon, darlin’.” He let out a deep breath.

Daryl shuddered when he felt your mouth come around his cock. “Ya sure love playin’ with-”

“(Y/N)! I’m sorry I got-!” Amy burst through the door with Andrea by her side. It was like time froze, her eyes making contact with Daryl’s.

You scrambled to get away, hiding against the counters as Daryl struggled to put his pants back on. “The hell?!” He shouted, tucking himself away as he glared at the intruders. “Who the hell are ya?!” He demanded to know.

Andrea stepped forward, trying to remain calm. “You must be Daryl! We heard so much ‘bout you!” But you could hear the amusement in her voice.

“Y’all couldn’t knock?”

You got up, clearing your throat. “Daryl, this is Andrea and her sister, Amy.” You introduced them yourself. “So guys… What are you doin’ here?”

“...I got your text late.” Amy murmured, looking rather horrified. She did just catch you blowing off Daryl in the middle of your kitchen.

Andrea raised an eyebrow, a playful grin on her lips. “Looks like we interrupted somethin’.” Looking back at Amy, still looking scared. “Care to explain yourselves?”

You glanced at Daryl, who looked angry. “Nothin’. Daryl jus’ stopped by to hang out.”

“Uh-huh… Jus’ hangin’ out… On your knees.” She clicked her tongue. “Totally not traumatized.”

“Stop it.” Andrea whispered in her ear, smacking her shoulder. “So Daryl! Tell us how (Y/n) got on her knees for you.”

“Amy!”

“Hey! I deserve some answers after seeing that!” You argued with Amy, even if the situation was serious, it was still laughable. But you also had to calm the girl down after coming into your apartment like that. The text you sent did sound rather strange, she had never seen you send a message like that.

The two of you were still laughing it off while Andrea attempted to talk to Daryl but refused to look at her, his eyes glanced in your direction but moved off you.

“Daryl?”

“What?” He spoke rather quickly, she didn’t feel like they were intruding… No, she had that familiar suspicion that she had about many others.

“Daryl? As in Daryl fuckin’ Dixon?!”

“The hell y’all be lookin’ for Dixon?”

“If ya do find ‘im, let ‘im know he still owe me my fuckin’ money!”

“Looks like you got us into deep shit.” Any huffed, rubbing her eyes as she sat back in the car seat. “You nearly got us killed over some naggin’ feel you have.”

“Was I ever wrong ‘bout it?”

“No but each time you didn’t us killed!” Any screamed, wanting to pull out her hair. “Dad always told us we shouldn’t go where we aren’t welcomed and we clearly aren’t here.”

It was a couple of days after Andrea and Amy walked in on you and Daryl. Andrea had come to her college and dragged her into her car, not saying a word until they reached the mountains.

Andrea started the car, pulled out of the parking lot of the gas station and drove. “We jus’ ain’t askin’ the right questions!”

“You still wanna ask around? Have some faith in (Y/n). She knows who she’s getting into.”

“C’mon, don’t tell me that Daryl isn’t getting more suspicious by the hour.”

“…You ain’t wrong there either.”

“We’ll try again, jus’ one more.”

Any opened her phone, reading through her texts. “Try the Midnight Rumbling, my friends say it’s a popular spot.”

“Popular as in college popular?”

“Yeah but all sorts of illegal activities. She said that’s where she gets her Adderall.”

“Ain’t that the stuff you guys use to study?”

“Yeah, the campus has been lockin’ down on anyone who sells it. So, they come to this spot to get some of it.”

Andrea chuckled. “And you say I’m a bad influence.”

“Shut up and drive.”

“I gotta admit, at least The Golden Bite has clean floors.” Andrea’s arm was linked with her sisters, the two of them cowering by the loud banter from everyone and how glass was heard breaking.

The drinks were pouring by the second that she had a feeling that the bartender wasn’t even keeping count of each pour.

Amy gasped when she had to dodge two muscular men fighting, a crowd formed around them, shouting cheers and insults along with placing bets on whoever will bite the dust or win.

“I need a shower.” She groaned, following Andrea to the bar. “Feels like somethin’ is crawlin’ under my skin.”

Andrea nodded in agreement, looking over her shoulder. “…I think this might be a lost cause.”

“Now you’re seein’ it?”

“Ain’t you the one who said to come here?”

“It was a recommendation!”

“Bullshit-!”

“If it ain’t Judas! You better have my bike Dixon!”

© Intoxicated-Chan 2024, I do not allow my work to be copied, translated, modified, adapted, or put on any other platform without my permission.

Taglist ➳ @deansapplepie , @ladylincoln , @gamingfeline , @lady06reaper , @alanamarie , @daryldixmedown , @celtic-crossbow , @mrdixon , @itwasntaphasema , @duffmckagansbandana , @raspberryslxt , @itsrainingbisexualfrogs , @ingstadstarlight , @gamingfeline , @lor-geeked , @thegeorgiahuntsman , @snailss , @the-lonely-abyss , @number1bashbabe , @xmaeyonaiise , @suniloli , @of-storms-and-sadness , @annhells , @sexyxdylanxobrien , @yoowhatthefuck , @mylifeinthetardisforever , @let-love-bleeds-red , @virginsexgod69 , @scudslut , @devilxbug , @theesexystallion , @yondus-girl , @raoudixs , @tremendousstarlighttragedy , @skulliecadaver-blog ,

⊰ Chapter 6 ⊰ » » YOU’RE HERE « « ⊰ Chapter 8 ⊰

[idesofrevolution]

My Best Friend, the Ghost

It was the best feeling in the world. Picture this: a simple spread of the legs in the summer heat, sweat dripping from your forehead. You feel a cool, slick touch slide down your inner thigh. It feels almost slimy, though it leaves no residue as it inches toward your taint and ever closer to your rear. You gasp as it circles the tight hole, as if an expert were rimming you with their cold, wet tongue. Then, quickly, a gentle thrust. You feel it enter you, slithering slowly, intentionally. It begins to fill you, that frosty ooze spreading all throughout your body. Your breath is laboured, as you begin to contort and expand as it is overtaken, washed and inundated with this foreign substance bubbling beneath your skin. It pushes up your throat, choking you, taking the last of your breath away before it presses at the top palate of your mouth. It would feel almost like drowning, though your sensations only fire endorphin after endorphin of euphoria. Pressure builds as it presses harder and harder, until... pop. The hard palate gives way as it rushes and balloons into your head. Thoughts and stresses fade away, and you're left in a state of total ecstasy as your body begins to move on its own.

Fuckin' amazing, am I right? Well, guess what? I get that incomprehensible experience whenever the hell I want. Perks of living in a haunted apartment! Confused? Let me explain.

I moved to New Orleans a year ago, give or take a couple of months. I graduated college, and after testing out a couple of places that didn't really pan out for me, I landed in the cement swamp in the height of the summer. I'd just left Salt Lake City, so coming from the tepid air of Utah to the brick wall humidity of Louisiana was a lot. Yet, I was determined to make the best of this one. I'd secured a low-level office gig at a non-profit, and rented out a cheap two bedroom just outside the French Quarter. The house was one of those old shotgun-style places. It wasn't well maintained, frankly incomprehensibly so to be up to purpose for a tenant, though I was still paying an arm and a leg.

The first few nights, I didn't sleep super well. It was hot, I was sleeping on a hard air mattress, and the tall ceilings and old wooden floors made every little creak and groan of the house sound like some demonic entity moaning in the darkness just out of sight. At the time, I was resolved to believe such a rational theory. After all, ghosts aren't real. That recent college graduate sensibility: anything can be rationalized. Looking back, I scoff at what I thought I knew compared to what I know now. But that skeptic within me was what I relied on. It got me through my courses, it got me my job, it is what guided me through the insanity of life. So, as more peculiar occurrences began to happen, that is precisely the lens with which I saw the world.

When things started to go missing: my trusty running shoes, a pair of underwear, my gold chain, my laptop, even my keys, it was just me being forgetful. I took my Adderall and just ordered new things. I hunkered down and just focused on my work. When I heard scratching in the walls at night, footsteps down my hallway, quiet breaths echoing in the shadows... I was just sleep deprived, I took my Xanax and zonked myself out. Those dark shadows that crept around the corners just on the edge of my peripherals? Eye floaters, nothing more. Though, after about two weeks of just a miserable living experience, I finally experienced something I couldn't rationalize.

It was after a soul sucking day at the office, having spent all day sifting through piles of meaningless paperwork to the grating click clack of my coworkers silently typing on their keyboards like mindless drones. I'd gone into overtime that day, and after five or six cups of coffee, I can't say I was even remotely physically tired that evening. My mind, of course, was entirely devoid of functionality. Walking through my front door, tossing my keys in the little dish by the door, I collapsed onto my couch and just scrolled through Netflix, looking for nothing in particular. That's when I saw it. I'd turned to grab my vape pen from the side table, and my glance had grazed past the mirror which hung above my mantle. Floating behind me, clear as day in the mirror, was a figure. It was larger than I, big broad shoulders and pecs, tapering down to a narrow waist, flanked on either side by two muscled arms. It's face was chiseled and sharp, brows furrowed, golden eyes narrowed and full lips twisted in a mischievous smirk. It had no legs; rather, its body was condensed into a long whippy tail. Most notably, I would argue, was the... well... rather sizeable phallus which stood erect above it's navel, with two grapefruit sized balls hanging beneath it.

I sat frozen, unable to look away from it sizing me up in the mirror's reflection. All the other things I could make sense of in my head were obliterated at the sight of what was merely inches behind me, and inches above the floor. I finally found the strength to merely exhale, letting a soft billowing cloud of breath out of my mouth. It was the middle of June, and perhaps 91 Fahrenheit outside. It was impossible. Everything about what my eyes were seeing was impossible. As it began to creep toward me, I fully expected to spin around and like every haunted house movie of all time, there would be nothing there. Though as I whipped my head to look behind, no such luck. I was face to face with it. It was grinning as we were nose to nose. Bringing it's cool, ghostly hand to my cheek, it caressed it with the back of its fingers and winked at me.

"Hey there." It's voice boomed like a timpani, yet it's timbre was gravelly and suave. I couldn't help myself. In a primal state of panic, I shrieked a terrified scream. It didn't last long. The spirit seized the opportunity I was entirely unaware I had given it- quickly shoving it's head into my open mouth. The force by which it had taken me was overwhelming, though I suppose with it's sheer size, in retrospect it makes perfect sense. I was flung down into the cushions of the couch, as it pushed itself into me. I grasped at my throat, which was bulging from the thing which was now flooding down my gaping maw. I could hear it laugh from within me as it squeezed itself in, it's massive upper body condensing in on itself and slowly pushing deep into my gut. My stomach ballooned out, stretching as if it were rubber while it's tail whipped aimlessly against my face before it slipped between my lips.

This was the first time I felt the sensation. The euphoria. The cascading waterfall of endorphins as my body was contorting and stretching as the ghost slipped me on like a suit. I could feel it thrusting it's hands into my arms which expanded and stretched to accommodate the spirit's size. I could feel my chest burst through my shirt, with two jiggling pecs now engorged with it's essence. I could feel my thighs and calves swell with thick muscle, and my feet lengthen and explode through my socks. It was as if someone had taken a water hose and filled me like a balloon, and as I felt it's head rising up my throat one last time and slither into my head, I can't say I wasn't in the throws of intense and indescribable bliss. My eyes opened, I was no longer in the driver's seat.

"Ahhh fuck." It's voice boomed out of my mouth as I found my body moving of it's own accord. No, rather moving of his accord. I stood up, feeling my jiggling muscles slowly firm up and tighten as I walked to the mirror. The thing which wore me as a suit was checking itself out! It had my skin, my face, but otherwise I was unrecognizable. I was indeed approaching 6' 4", my jawline was square and chiseled, my arms as large as my head, my feet probably a size 16, and my... appendage? Let's just say he was now an anaconda snaking down my thigh, his hood restored and flanked on either side by an impressive bulbous sac. "Shit, that feels nice." My voice was soft like velvet, but frayed with a coarseness which tickled the mind like sandpaper. It stretched my muscles and cracked my neck and knuckles before finally bothering to introduce itself. "Name's Antoine, nice to meet ya." My hand slinked down to my member giving it a playful tug. "Actually, tonight, your name is Antoine too, baby." He smiled with my pearly white teeth, and it would be an outright lie to deny I was not eager to see what this Antoine would be using me to do that night. We sauntered over to my bedroom, tossing shirts and pants out of my drawers before he found some shorts and a tank top that fit my new musculature whatsoever. I had but only one pair of sandals that he could force my massive feet into, but neither he nor I could care less. As walked to the front door, and stepped out into the humid New Orleans air, he took a deep breath with my borrowed lungs, sighing in satisfaction. "Aight, my man. Let's see what kind of trouble we can get in tonight."

Thus began our mutual understanding. Our partnership. Frankly, our friendship. That night was one filled with club hopping across town, hitting dancefloors right and left, drinking outrageous amounts of liquor, grinding on sexy men with our tongue down their throats... None of which I would have ever experienced on my own. It was an entire world I knew nothing about, nothing I could have ever imagined myself doing, but with Antoine it seemed like second nature. After a night of debauchery and a tryst in some leather daddy's hotel room, he returned near the crack of dawn, collapsing onto my bed in a sweaty, swampy heap. He closed my eyes and almost immediately afterward I reopened them. The sun had risen, and peering at my phone, it was then 9 AM.

For a moment, I sat there and stared at the ceiling. I waited for my body to move on his command, though when it didn't, I whipped my sheets off to see that I had returned mostly to my former stature. I did note that I had grown ever so slightly. Perhaps his presence within me had left some residual effects on my body, a pleasant fact of which I did not mind whatsoever. I sat up, stretching my arms above my head, a wet warm musk wafting from my sweaty pits and steamy feet from the night before. For the first time, I found myself rather enjoying the scent... Where it once used to make me grimace with disgust, it now made me nearly salivate at the slightest tickle on my nose. I peered to the corner of the room, where now even in broad daylight I could see Antoine's spectral self floating above the floorboards, his arms crossed and his bright smile greeting me in the morning light.

We stared at eachother for a mere moment, before I smiled back at him. It didn't take words for us to understand what was to soon come to pass. Frankly, from then on, it was an unspoken pact. An inseparable bond, bound by an awakened hedonism and carnal desire. Starting that morning, our boys night out became a regular occurrence. I'd get home from work, exhausted and tired from a thankless day of grinding in the soulless office, and we would come up with a plan for the evening. He'd take his time slipping into me, knowing full well just how much I enjoyed each breathtaking second of it. In fact, we took a Saturday to go shopping for "night clothes" which would actually fit us when he was inside me.

Antoine was a bit of a casanova, able to make any person he met swoon with a single glance. The parade of men strutting the walk of shame out of my home every morning did not go unnoticed by my neighbors, not that they particularly seemed to care. It was the spirit of New Orleans, live every day like it's your last. That sentiment was instilled in me, along with a new attitude. I began to care less and less about this dead end job which had only gotten more and more unbearable as our relationship grew. My boss began to notice this as well. He noticed that my productivity had slipped, that I'd begun to come into work with more and more tattoos (which were admittedly against company policy), that my musky scent was becoming stronger and more apparent, that I'd become more casual and laid back, that I was trying to force myself into work clothes that were increasingly more and more revealing as my body grew toned and large. This, to him at least, was unacceptable. I don't entirely recall what it was that finally set him off, though I think it may have had something to do with me having my feet up on my desk as I took calls and the delicious pheromones to which my coworkers had taken a liking to. Something to do with my cubicle mate Daniel lapping up the pungent sweat from my socks beneath my desk as I worked. Couldn't say. Either way, it was the last straw for me.

It wasn't much of a loss, as my frequent appearances at the clubs, or rather my appearance altogether, which the bar owners had taken notice of. I had a line of bartending and gogo boy offers to take up in it's stead. Though, it wouldn't be enough to cover the rent on my own. Thus, we hatched a plan. A solution to both our issues: my financial one, and a more permanent solution for Antoine.

It was an average night in the French Quarter, we were behind the bar, and there before us appeared our solution sitting on a stool near the drink well. He was a tourist, a particularly needy and rude one at that. No friends, failing every attempt to snag the attention of our regular hustlers with his more than lacklustre personality. He was perfect. It wasn't difficult to play into his inflated ego, all it took was playing into his cringeworthy advances and unwelcomed touches before he was licking our pits and nipples, ready to head to our place. A lack of a tip was the final nail in the coffin, we were ready. The 'three' of us stumbled back to our apartment, and it took merely five minutes of making out before the drunken asshole had passed out in our bed.

Walking back into the living room, Antoine regurgitated himself out of me. Feeling him exit was always a bittersweet experience, euphoric in sensation but longing in sentiment. He floated in front of me, winking as he compressed himself under the door of our bedroom, slipping in with a quiet pop. Wiping the sweat from my brow, and taking a deep whiff of my dank sneaker like degenerate scent pig I'd become, I popped open a bottle of our nicer tequila to celebrate. As the yellow liquor began to pour into the glass, I heard the delightful sounds of possession begin to loudly bellow out from behind the closed door. A shriek, followed by squeaks and rubbery creaks atop elated moaning and gasping. Taking the two glasses, I meandered over to the couch, kicking my wafting, wet feet up onto the coffee table and grabbing the bong to pack a nice bowl.

The sounds of inflation and gargling, stretching skin and growing muscle were like candy to my ears, as I wondered what Antoine would look like. The guy was less than ideal before, though as a host, the sky was the limit to how gorgeous he was going to be. I lit the bowl, taking a deep drag before blowing an adequate cloud. Antoine's moans got louder and louder, his voice all the more recognizable as it progressed. One more puff from the bong and the sound of that final pop soared through the air. The house was silent apart from the heavy panting quietly emanating from the bedroom.

I sat there for a solid moment. He always was the master of the tease, knowing full well that I awaited his reveal. I could hear his chuckling before I heard the click of the lock on the door. Slowly, I stood up and walked to the bedroom door, pressing my ear against the wood. Nothing. I grabbed ahold of the doorknob with bated breath, slowly turning it and pushing the door open. The lights were on in the bedroom, and there in front of the mirror taking a selfie with his host's phone was my Antoine.

He was better than I ever could have imagined. That lanky, sad excuse for a man was long gone and in his stead stood the dreamiest hunk I'd ever set my eyes on. Our bodies were nearly identical in stature, as over the past several months he'd completely stretched me out to his own measurements. Though, his delicious golden eyes on that gorgeous, masculine face sent me over the edge. He was stacked, he was tall, he was caramel, he was packing down there, and he wafted that buttery, salty musk that made me drool. All he needed to do was to turn to me and wink in his new body and I felt myself harden.

"What's up, baby boy?" He flexed his massive arms, seductively licking his sweaty bicep for me. Let's just say that tequila and that bowl were still there the next day. We were rather preoccupied throughout the dawn, the morning, the afternoon, the evening... Endless hours of carnal pleasures and sensual overload. Simply washing the bedsheets of our intertwined cum imbued into the very threads of the fabric took longer than expected. I imagine you get the picture, so needless to say, such days were and continue to be frequent.

I suppose that brings us to today. As I sit here and write out how we got to this very moment, waiting for an Uber to take us to our honeymoon, I'll go ahead and mention that my former boss just walked by us, feigning pleasantries as if we were old buddies. Asking if now that I had a partner, I was finally ready to knuckle down and come back to work in a 'real job.' I turned to Antoine, he turned to me, and as we found our hands sliding toward eachother's growing bulges, basking in eachother's beguiling musk while my frump of an old boss indignantly watched, I flipped him the bird.

He stomped off, I doubt I'll ever see him again. Why should I need to? I have my man, I have our future, we have all the delicious men of this raunchy city to enjoy... What else can a guy ask for?

[incorrectmlpstudentsixquotes]

Ocellus: We’re getting closer and closer to graduation day, so it’s high time we all start looking at college.

Sandbar: Um, Ocellus? I think you mean ‘colleges’?

Ocellus: Don’t be a stupid, Sandbar. That would imply we’re not all going to the same one!

Sandbar: Oh, this is going to be a whole thing, isn’t it?

Gallus: Why are you so obsessed with making sure we all go to the same college?

Ocellus: (chokes out Gallus) Because I don’t like changes to my environment.

Gallus: Alright! Understood! Put me down! I don’t like choking in this context!

Ocellus: (letting go of Gallus) Now, while it is important we go to a good school, it’s also important we all go to a school we’re all capable of attending. So I have selected Manehattan University.

Cozy Glow: M.U. is actually one of my fallbacks.

Ocellus: BE GRATEFUL I INCLUDED YOU!!

Ocellus: Now then, some of you could do with raising your grades. I’m not gonna name names, but Sandbar and Silverstream.

Sandbar: I’m present.

Silverstream: And I’m a gift!

Ocellus: Sandbar, I took one look at your GPA and promptly threw up in my mouth.

Sandbar: Yeah, it, uh… It does that.

Ocellus: We’re gonna get you on adderall and hope it sticks. Don’t ask where the prescription comes from, I have people. Silverstream?

Silverstream: (batting eyelashes) Yes, Mommy-Celly?

Ocellus: I am literally not a miracle worker, we’re gonna hack the school’s mainframe.

Silverstream: Yay! Crimes!

Ocellus: Smolder, your best hope is pursuing an athletic scholarship through cheerleading. Are you familiar with the terms CTE or ACL?

Smolder: Nope!

Ocellus: Let’s keep it that way. Now go practice jumping off of high places and trying not to break your neck.

Smolder: Bitchin! I do that already!

Gallus: Y’know, Ocellus, I hate to be that guy, but I was actually thinking of taking a gap year-

Ocellus: (pimp-slaps him) Go ahead. Say it again. I flipping dare you.

Gallus: You know what, higher education sounds great all of a sudden!

Ocellus: And if I ever hear you say different, I’m going to staple your beak to your paws and sell you as a tchotchke!

Gallus: Hahaha, I do not feel safe…

Ocellus: Believe in the schedule, my friends! We’re all going to die on the exact same day at the ripe age of 81 after spending our lives in a six-person completely non-sexual polycule!

Swift Foot: (poking her head) Can it be seven?

Ocellus: Maybe! I’ll look through the schedule and see if I can fit you in!

Swift Foot: Yes! Take that personal demons!

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

AITA for being frustrated with my dad's procrastination and finally calling him out on it?

I (25 f) live with my dad (50ish? Too mad at him rn to check, m) because of mental illness rendering me unable to work due to lack of treatment, until now.

Recently, after I had to be taken to the emergency room for a ruptured ovarian cyst that I'd needed checked out for years prior to it popping, I decided on a whim to bring up my mental illness during the follow-up with my doctor, which put me on a very fast track to getting diagnosed with severe ADHD and prescribed medication (more specifically 5 mg of Adderall twice daily). And let me tell you, holy shit, it was like a miracle, I didn't even know medication could act that fast.

Well, long story short, it fixed my time blindness and made me consciously aware of my dad's long-standing bad habit of perpetually putting things off until "next weekend", affecting several major things both recently and not, including my ovarian cyst that I knew I had for years but couldn't go to the doctor for on my own because my car was perpetually in use by my sister or broken down, picking up my prescribed medication for said ovarian cyst because my car broke down ages ago and he never taught me to drive a stick, fixing my car or paying someone to do it for that matter (I can't afford it on my own), teaching me to drive in the first place when I came of driving age, my prior autism diagnosis (which itself took years to ever get done), several attempts at homeschooling that fell apart because we both forgot about it simultaneously, at least one broken bone that I can remember, and yes, the ADHD that I could only get diagnosed because I piggy backed off of an actual medical emergency.

Needless to say, I am not happy about that, so with my new executive function in hand, I confronted him. I basically laid out that I didn't think it was normal to procrastinate that badly for years and that he should consider getting evaluated for ADHD too because it's hereditary and I had to get it from somewhere, and added that if they put him on Adderall too it might help him write his book.

However, my dad accused me of talking like an addict (it's only day 2) and threatened to call the doctor and make him change the dose or take me off Adderall (my dad can't do that and I'm contractually obligated to stop him if he tries). When I pointed out that the dose I was given isn't even remotely enough to cause an addiction this early and that it felt like he was upset with me for being able to confront him now, he told me to back off and that I was acting like a jerk, and he demanded I talk with my doctor about alternatives (my doctor very specifically had me start on Adderall because he didn't think anything else would be effective--and given my understanding is that the alternatives would make every other brain function as bad as my memory and executive function so they're not as bad in comparison and not even fix the lethargy and excessive sleeping, uh, I think I agree). Note, he doesn't usually act like this at all.

I know that Adderall's side effects include irritability and I've always been bad at self-evaluation when I'm mad, so I've decided to take to the Internet to ask--aita?

What are these acronyms?

[sarahdogoc80]

Lily Orchard V. Eminem 2

Loech: I totally have a degree in phycology but at the same time I don't understand addiction. Now let me take my codeine and Adderall together. But let me tell everyone it's actually oxycodone because that's a strong pain medicine they give out for only the worse pain. It will make it more believable I'm in alot of pain if I say I take a drug my country doesn't give out often and hasn't since 2011. I'm totally not speedballing stalkers. I'm totally sober.

Eminem: "Sometimes I feel so alone. I just don't know, feels like I've been down this road before. So lonely and cold. It's likes something takes over me as soon as I go home and close the door. Kinda feels like deja Vu. I want to get away from this place I do. But I can't, and I won't. Say I try, but I know that a lie. Cause I don't and why? I just don't know."

"... Couple of weeks go by it's ain't even like I'm getting high. Now I just need it to not feel sick. Yeah I'm getting by. Wouldn't even be taking this shit if DeShaun didn't die. Oh yeah there is an excuse you loose Proof so you use. There is new rules it's cool if it's helping you get through. It's 12 noon ain't no harm in inducing a snooze. What else is new. Fuck it what would Elvis do in your shoes. Now here I am 3 months later full blown relapse. [The voice in the back of his head-] "Just get high till the kids get home from school. Homes relax." " And since I'm convinced I'm an insomniac. I need these pills to be able to sleep. So I take three naps just to be able to function throughout the day."

...." Or the Hydrocodone you hide inside your prono. Your VCR tape cases.... Great places to hide them ain't it. So you can lie to Hailey...."

Yes Lily Orchard he is total mental stable and has no problems in his life. He totally choice to be an addict. He clearly doesn't care about his daughter or feel guilty about hiding his addiction. His mental state also wasn't permitly altered by his addiction either./s You lying heartless bitch.

You should really listen to the song as it is a really good telling of how addiction alters your mind. I just took the best snip it to stick it to this lying bitch and her doormat wife.

[acamaryseinteery]

Httyd Modern AU

Ships: hicret/eretcup, former hicstrid

Sumary: first time meeting, number puns, new flatmate,...

----------------------------------------------------------

One thing Hiccup didn't expect to see so up close was a picture of some more furred deer with large antlers and body made of lines. Much less to bump into the picture on the box.

He was running late to meet up with his ex for a breakfast at their favorite cafe and already sure that he attached his peg leg wrong. Now he was on his back and trying to regain consciousness over seeing tribal furry deers fly above him. It took him a few minutes to notice someone was calling him.

"Hey! Are you okay?!" As if an alarm activated in his head Hiccup sat up and instantly held back of his head in pain.

The big box was dropped on the ground carefully as the one holding it rushed to help him.

"Hey, slowly okay? That was quite a fall." The man spoke softly and one big arm supported his back while other batted his hand away to feel any swelling.

After regaining some consciousness and his vision cleared up better(though every around the center was still blurry), he noticed a tattooed man with tribal tattoo on his chin watch him with deep worry.

His eyes were amber brown, his skin was tan and he had his mid long hair tied, but that didn't stop bangs to sneak past his ears. Wait, were those beads in them?

After looking down he noticed that he was wearing a worn out dark green sleeveless hoodie and grey sweatpants.

"Hold on, I'll bring you some water." He quickly left, but not for a very long time. Just now Hiccup noticed that the man put a folded blanket behind his head and put his legs in the air by putting them against the box he was holding.

At least he seemed to know what to do.

Hiccup on the other hand didn't know what to do at all. But guessing by the spinning feeling in his body he could only wait to get better before-Oh shit.

Astrid!

He should be going, else she's gonna be worried sick!

He tried to get up only to find his peg leg detach when he tried to take a step.

What would have surely been a splat on the ground was avoided by a strong arm hooking him from below around chest to stop his fall.

"Easy now I got ya. Holding on?" Asked the man and tried to help him balance on one leg and aim him down to sit.

Once they managed that Hiccup let go of his hold and accepted the handed sports bottle of water.

The man took the prothesis and placed it next to the leg it belonged to.

"Want me to call you an ambulance?"

"No no, I'm fine thanks. I was just in the hurry and didn't notice you in the hallway." He took one more chug of water and gave the man the bottle back for now.

"Thanks."

"No problem, sorry for causing your fall. I'm moving in and this was the only box I could take while my cousin is parking." He motioned the the huge box with the reindeer logo.

Hiccup chuckled and reattached his leg "Yeah, this hallway always seemed too narrow for my taste. Hopefully I won't see reindeers in my sleep now."

His joke got the man to snicker before he held out his hand to Hiccup.

"Eret Eretson, room S8." He said with a bit of an accent. Maybe British?

"Straight?"

"No sir, gay."

Hiccup burst into laughter after the number pun and grin Eret pulled on after saying that.

After minimizing the laughter to giggles he said "There's no room S 8. The landlord ordered wrong fond so the 5 looks like a S."

"Shoot, there goes my chances of an endless joke opportunities. But at least it's not A5. Because anyone I would anger would write an extra S there and my address name would be an Ass." Joked Eret, cracking Hiccup again before saying.

"That's your aim anyway, so it would give a straight up message."

Now that cracked Eret into laughter "Good one."

"Hiccup."

"Um, bless you?"

Hiccup then chuckled "No that's my name. Harry Hiccup Haddock. But everyone calls me Hiccup. My mom's idea when she was high on adderall and dad on antidepressants on stress. My room is 54."

Eret clearly fought another laughter as he grimaced and made stiffened giggles after shaking his hand and helping him up.

"That must be a great story for office parties."

"Eh, after a few years it gets old." Shrugged Hiccup and drank rest of the water.

"Anyway I should go else my ex is gonna think I stood her up on our breakfast plans."

"Trying to get back together?" Quizzed Eret curious but Hiccup shook his head "Nah, just a tradition from college years together. Anyway, see you around. Hopefully next time without any crash collisions." Eret let Hiccup walk past him before taking the box and taking it to his apartment.

"No promises. See ya!"

[princessconsuela120]

Chapter Three: Hello My Old Heart —✧

Series masterlist

Chapter Warnings: Cursing, mentions of abortion, mentions of sex.

Author's Note: I've started to add my own songs that display the story, since this is also a partly different storyline. Also, side not I love Kenny so much, their friendship is just "Mwah.” And depending on certain chapter some may have a different art heading. For example, this lovely art by @silvell shows the picture Juno has hanging in her car, that is said in the chapter. Enjoy you guys!

—✧

I HATE DRIVING THIS EARLY IN THE MORNING. My old and practically broken truck seems to be even louder when no one else is around. It smelt like leather in here, from my maneuver i'm assuming. It was way too early to be on the road. The polaroid picture Kyle gave me dangled from a loose string tied to my mirror, a small pile of empty Diet-coke cans and Sunny D bottles clang together on the floor of the passenger seat, filling more of the quietness along with the squeaking. When it came to being that my brother could finally drive, our parents were skeptical on what to do. We owned a nice car to give to one of us when we were ready, but the two of us couldn't share anything for shit. After a long 15 round game of rock paper scissors, I had lost the car. But my parents felt bad for me, so my dad gave me his old weed van, usually used for moving weed, that was now used for moving living room sets while I was accompanied by my childhood Garfield plush.

A loud sigh left my chest as I parked the car, taking a full 15 minutes to collect myself before walking to the entrance. I was surprised to see my brother’s girlfriend, and my close friend Wendy Testaburger standing at the door, protesting?

“All babies want to get borned! All babies want to get borned! All babies want to get borned!” She shouted, holding a sign up in the air, one I could tell she drew by the large cute eyes she gave to the baby.

“Hey, Wendy.” I greeted, smiling at the brunette as she lowered her sign.

“Oh, hi, Juno. How are you?” She said sweetly, giving me a kind smile, one that seemed to calm my nerves about being here. Wendy Testaburger was one of the kindest, most welcoming people I have ever met. I was relatively close with her ever since kindergarten, and happy that if my brother dated anyone it was her. She was wonderful, and never failed to make me feel important. And she wasn't judging me for being here of all places, you could tell she wasn't.

“You know, pretty solid. You’re a protestor now?” I asked, causing her to look down at her sign with a chuckle.

“Yeah well, PC principal said we could get extra credit protesting for a cause and well, you know how much I love babies..” she said awkwardly, not expecting to see a classmate during her protest.

“So did you write that paper for Worth's class yet?” I asked, and she nodded her head as she let her sign drop completely at her sides.

“No, not yet. I tried to work on it last night, but I'm having trouble concentrating.” she explained, making me nod.

“Oh, well, I'll give you some of my Adderall.” It's not like I'd be able to use it for a while anyway.

“No, thanks. I'm off pills.”

“That's a wise choice, because I knew this girl, she had this crazy freak-out… Because she took too many meds at once...And she just ripped off her clothes, dove into the fountain at Ridgedale Mall...And was like, "I am a kraken from the sea!"” I explained, chuckling at the memory as Wendy gave me a strange look.

“Juno, that was you…i was there..” she said softly, making me nod at the awkward silence before making my way inside.

“Well, it's good seeing you, Wendy. I’ll probably see you later at the house.” I said as I left, but Wendy didn't let up.

“Your baby probably has a beating heart, you know.” She shouted after me, causing me to sigh as I kept walking. “It can feel pain. And it has fingernails!” I stopped, turning to look at her with furrowed brows.

“Fingernails? Really?” I asked, not really directing it to her either, mostly just surprised at the revelation . I continued my way inside, being greeted by a strange looking girl sitting at the reception desk. Considering the knowledge I had gained from when Stan went goth, I think she was goth as well. She was adorned in black makeup, and as pale as snow, and had silver and black jewelry covering her body. Yuo, definitely a goth. Probably forced into this job by her parents, because she didn't seem to want to be there anymore than I did.

“Welcome to Women Now, where women are trusted friends. Please put your hands where I can see them and surrender any bombs.” She said in a low monotone voice, not once looking up at me from her computer.

“Hey, I'm here for the big show.” I joked, earning a glare from the receptionist.

“Your name, please?”

“Juno Marsh.” I said, handing her my printed paperwork from the previous night. She glanced at me with a raised eyebrow. She thinks I'm using a fake name, like Gene Simmons or Mother Teresa. SHe let her eyebrow fall back to its normal spot, before handing me even more paperwork to sign below my already printed paper.

“I need you to fill these out, and don't skip the hairy details. We need to know about every score and every sore.” She said, before gesturing to the jar full of individually wrapped condoms. Kinda like how hair salons have a jar of lollipops, the abortion clinic had condoms. It really helped with the scenery. “Would you like a free condom? They're boysenberry.”

“No, I'm off sex right now.” I replied, taking my paperwork. I don't think I'll ever be “on” sex again if I'm being honest.

“My boyfriend uses them every time we have intercourse.” she said with a smirk, finally looking up at me again. “They make his junk smell like pie.” I didn't look back at her, simply giving a look as I walked away, handing the paperwork in as I went to sit down.

I think this was the first time in a while I was aware of the fact that I was biting my fingernails. Fingernails. Damn you Wendy Testaburger. My eyes shifted back and forth around the room, the noise of nails scratching against magazines captivating my mind. I looked around at the other women, then at their fingernails, most of them being picked at or anxiously scratching against some kind of surface, and that's when I broke. I bolted for the door, ignoring any looks I may have received, and I ran for Kenny’s house not too far from the clinic. Wendy sent me a proud smile, shouting at me that she was proud of me before I ran out of her view.

—✧

“Dude, what are you doing here? I'm supposed to come get you at 4.” Kenny said, greeting me at the door, confused by my anxious pacing back and forth. I stopped, slapping my hands to my side as I looked up at him.

“I couldn't do it, Ken. It smelled like a dentist's office in there.” i began pacing again when Kenny came fully out of his house. “And there were horrible magazines with water stains. The receptionist tried to get me to take condoms that look like grape suckers… And just babbling away about her frigging boyfriend's pie balls.”

“Sick..” Kenny mumbled, making me roll my eyes as I stopped pacing. My eyes widened as I ran through the events in my head.

“And Wendy Testaburger was there. And she was like, "Oh, hi. Babies have fingernails." Fingernails!” I shouted, shoving my fingernails in his face, causing Kenny to push my hands down gently, pulling his hood off to address the seriousness of my outburst.

“That's gruesome. Do you think the baby can scratch your vag on the way out...?” Kenny teased, making scratching motions as I groaned, running my hands down my face. I take a moment to collect myself, before making direct eye contact with him.

“I'm staying pregnant, Kenny.” I grumbled, making Kenny look around, coming up to me and holding his hands over my mouth dramatically.

“Dude. You gotta keep your voice down, okay? My mom is inside. She doesn't know that we're sexually active.” He said anxiously, causing me to raise an eyebrow at him. Now since he's my best friend I can say this, but Kenny Mccormick is the biggest horndog on planet earth. He was getting blowjobs before I even knew what those were. I love him to death, he's my other half and all, but there was no way his mom didn't know she gave birth to a monster. He sighed at my questioning look.

“Okay, maybe she definitely knows I'm sexually active, but if she hears you she’s gonna wanna talk to me about it and I can't deal with that shit dude.” He whined, grabbing my arms and pulling me to follow him to the park nearby, to our spot.

“What does that even mean? I've been thinking. I was thinking I could have this baby and give it to someone that totally needs it. Like a woman with a bum ovary, or a couple nice lesbos. Maybe Big Gay Al and Mr Slave want a baby, they seem like they'd love a nice jewish redheaded child.” I said, and he gave me a look, his face scrunched up with disgust at the thought of me being pregnant.

“But then you're gonna get huge, and your chest is gonna milktate...And you're gonna have to, tell people that you're pregnant. And you won't be able to smoke for a while.” He explained, and I found it hard to argue, but still I tried.

“Maybe they'll canonize me for being so selfless.”

“Or maybe they'll, like, totally shit and be really, really mad...And not let you graduate or go to the Springs for spring break.” Somehow I had ended up hoisted on Kenny's back, getting a piggyback from the boy all the way to the park. I honestly don't know how he held my weight up sometimes, but Piggyback rides were just something we did.

“I was gonna go to the Rockies’s with Kyle anyway.” I said nonchalantly, not seeing the smirk that formed on Kenny’s lips at my words.

“You should look at adoption ads. I see them all the time in the PennySaver.” He offered, making me laugh slightly.

“They still make a newspaper?” He shook me, trying to get me to fall off his back before I giggled loudly, pulling myself back up.

“Shut up, you know I can't afford tv news.”

“They really have ads for parents?” I asked, and he nodded, detouring to grab a newspaper from the park entrance.

“Yeah. "Desperately Seeking Spawn." Right next to, terriers and iguanas and used fitness equipment and stuff. It's totally legit.” He took a newspaper, and carried us to our park bench, carefully dropping me onto it.

Somehow, after hours spent reading the newspaper, Kenny and I had ended up grabbing slushies from the convenient stand, exactly what we needed in the 20 degree Colorado weather. My legs were over his lap as we laid messily flipping through the news.

"Wholesome, spiritually wealthy couple have found true love with each other." All that's missing is your bastard.” Kenny read out loud, nudging me when he looked over at me laying my head back, not paying attention.

“I want a parakeet.” I mumbled, the sunglasses I was wearing being pulled from my face as Kenny tried to get my attention.

“You're totally not even listening to me.”

“No, I heard you. I don't wanna give the baby to a family...That describes themselves as wholesome.” I explained, taking a long swig from my slushie as Kenny sighed with defeat.

“Why?”

“I just want something a little edgier.” I explained, sitting up in my spot. Kenny kept scanning the newspaper.

“What did you have in mind exactly?”

“I was thinking more like a graphic designer, mid-thirties… With a cool Asian girlfriend who dresses awesome and rocks out on the bass” I explained, turning to see Kenny giving me a look that said ‘are you serious right now.’ I smiled at him, my now blue lips widening. “But I don't wanna be too particular.”

“Okay. How about this? "Educated, successful couple seeking infant...To join our family of five. You will be compensated. Help us complete the circle of love." That sounds great.” He seemed to hesitate on saying they were ‘great,’ and I can see why.

“They sound like a frigging cult. They already have three kids. They're just greedy little bitches.” I groaned, feeling the defeat of this search, wondering why I didn't just go to Unplanned parenthood and drop off my fetus for them to grow themselves.

“Juno, how about this one?” Kenny shoved my arm, a sense of excitement as he handed me the newspaper. They were Mark and Vanessa Loring...And they were beautiful even in black and white.

—✧

“Where the fuck have you been!?” Stan shouted, not allowing me a moment of peace. I swear the second the front door opened he was screaming. I do love my brother, he was quite literally me with a penis, but that didn't change the fact that I really hated him sometimes. The fact that our parents were out to dinner right now didn't help the volume of Stan’s screaming.

“Out.” I grumbled, placing my keys in the key holder before trying to walk away. I needed a drink, damn you alcohol blocking fetus.

“Right, of course. You were “out.”” Stan scoffed, making me roll my eyes as I turned to face him.

“What do you want, Stan?” I asked coldly, and he just sighed, taking a second to look at me. Then his eyes trailed down, and he looked at my stomach. Fuck. Fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck…he knew. How the fuck did he know. God damn my life.

“I know okay? I saw the fucking papers on your bed.” He said, throwing the crumbled up abortion document at me. I wanted to cry, I could feel angry tears pricking at my eyes, and a burning bile forming on the back of my throat.

“You had no right, that was my fucking privacy! You just can’t mind your own damn business!” I shouted, pointing a shaky finger at him, trying desperately to hold back my tears.

“You got an abortion Juno! An abortion! Without telling anyone, do you understand how fucking insane that is!” He shouted back, and I sighed, trying to calm myself and Stan.

“Yes, I do and just listen to me okay I think that..” he interrupted.

“What the hell were you thinking!? What if mom found that paper, what if dad did!?” He continued shouting, his face turning a deep crimson as the oxygen was cut off due to all his screaming.

“I know I know, just listen to me…” He interrupted again.

“That’s so dangerous Juno, what if something happened, regardless of the fact you’re fucking pregnant, what if you got hurt?” He continued rambling, about to keep talking before I grabbed the napkin holder off the table, chucking it at him angrily. He ducked, letting the holder hit the wall as I began speaking.

“I didn’t get an abortion okay! Because your dumb girlfriend wouldn’t shut up about how my fetus has fingernails. Fingernails!” I shouted back at him, holding my hands out, before sighed and held a hand over my chest. “I'm sorry, you know I love Wendy I just, I don’t know what I’m gonna do.” Everything seemed to dawn on me at that moment. He still didn't know it was Kyle’s. He didn't know that a part of his best friend was growing inside of me right now, and he was already this angry. And this isn't even the worst of it all. I still had parents to tell, and classmates to find out, and a whole life that I used to have that was now gone. I couldn't help but feel my chest closing in.

“You are fucking insane you know that?” Stan hissed, and I simply rolled my eyes, holding a hand on my chest to keep back my panicked tears.

“Oh please, you’re a seventeen year old alcoholic, but I’m the crazy one.” I laughed bitterly, hunching over on the table as I heard Stan huff behind me.

“You’re seventeen too Juno, you’re fucking seventeen, and you’re pregnant! What are you even gonna do? This is beyond irresponsible, you’re never getting your life back after this!”

“God stan I know okay! I fucking know!” I shouted back, Stan staring back at me with empty eyes. “And, you yelling at me isn’t making it any fucking easier. I’m so scared shitless and I just, I need my brother. I need..” My breathing began picking up, as I knelt down to the ground, closing in on myself. It was like something clicked in Stan's mind, that I was still his sister. His baby sister, who was losing her breath on the ground.

“Hey, hey I’m sorry.” He said softly, kneeling down and pulling me into his chest. “I’m sorry. It’s okay Junebug, I’m right here.” he reassured, holding me close as I sobbed into his chest. I pulled away, sighing as I wiped my tears.

“I-i have a whole plan. Kenny and I found this couple, in the Penny saver. I’m gonna go and meet them, and hopefully give them the baby once it’s born. I just, I need your help telling mom and dad.” Stan nodded, pulling me back into his chest, his heart racing just as fast as mine.

“Of course Junebug, I’ll be there.”

[moondancediner]

Hello! How are you??

Can I tell you how much I absolutely LOVE daydreaming?!! I love Bradley and Tess' dynamic and the fluff but also the ANGST in part 2. Tess just wants Bradley to love her but Bradley is just scared and I feel so bad for both of them.

If you are still keen on writing them, could I pretty please request to read more about them before the time that daydreaming took place?

I am obsessed with their first kiss (even though it was only a small part of the series) and their dynamic growing up and how they came to be "together but not officially but we will still be constantly touching, kiss in front of people and struggle to fall asleep without each other."

No stress if you can't but I love them and would love to read and learn more about them.

Enjoy the rest of your week and thank you for writing them :)

Hi babe! First of all, so sorry for how long this took me to get out - you asked this right after I finished Daydreaming and all ideas were just gone from my brain but inspiration finally struck - thank you Adderall.

Anywho, I hope this lives up to your expectations and fits into the DCU (daydreaming cinematic universe) nicely.

that first kiss

is this accurate to the navy? no clue, my husbands a marine so thats all i know

bradley bradshaw is a himbo i will not be taking any further questions

High school sucks. Like, seriously, whoever came up with such archaic bullshit as sitting around for eight hours every day while either someone on the precipice of death or someone young enough to pass as the same age as most of the seniors in the building drones on and on and on about nothing deserves a Nobel Prize for torture methods.

And Prom, what a stupid fucking way to end the year. As if Homecoming and Spring Fling and Senior Night and all the other stupid dances and school functions they've had all year weren't enough, sure let us throw in one more.

Tess kicked small pebbles across the sidewalk while she sulked home and contemplated all the ways that she could drop out early or injure herself severely enough that would excuse her from stepping foot in that hell hole for the next two months, but not severely enough that it would hinder her summer.

Her options were severely limited.

That, and she was way too chicken to purposefully injure herself.

Coming closer to her house, Tess completed her two rituals: checking the mail, and checking the living room window of the Bradshaw house. Both of those things left her with a dark, never-ending pit in her stomach but after nearly 18 years it was hard to break habits. Even if they were completely soul crushing.

The mailbox was full of its usual trashy magazines, bills that Tess had no interest in, coupons for the local grocery store, a letter addressed to her mom from some distant relative, and... absolutely nothing for Tess.

She tried not to let the disappointment consume her but it always did. It was like being swallowed by a tidal wave you could see miles off the coast, knowing full well it was going to pick you up and slam you against the rocky bottom, but Tess sat there anyway, watching the beautiful blue crest into white before her eyes.

Sadly, she was used to the wave, used to it rattling her brain and bones, blurring her vision for a few seconds until the facts of her life took over. She was used to this, used to not hearing from the two people she loved most in this world despite the fact that they left her high and dry more times than any person could count.

Her second disappointment came when her green eyes moved over to the left of her house, expecting to see the bay window open, yellow and white curtains billowing in the slight breeze and a blonde head of sunshine calling over to Tess, inviting her over for a glass of sweet tea and some new cookie she thought up over the weekend that Tess absolutely needed to try.

There was none of that, of course, hadn't been for some years now and the depressing, dark blue drawn curtains of Tess's new neighbors were a constant reminder of that.

She tore her eyes away from that window.

Her feet dragged all the way to her room, hands dropped the mail on the kitchen table for her mom to find when she got home and traced a pattern on the wallpaper up the stairs and to her door.

Tess's room was bright and airy and reminded her of the beach, which was exactly what Carole was going for four summers ago when she came over and declared that she needed a 'bedroom makeover'. Tess tried to tell her she had been watching too much HGTV as they combed the aisles of Home Depot for the perfect shade of blue - something bright but not neon, subdued but not dull, something that reminded you of the sky. But not sky blue. Carole insisted that she had not been watching too much TV but that she enjoyed the North Carolina shores so much she felt they needed to be indoors as well, and Tess's room was the perfect place to experiment.

The memories of Carole were hard to push away. She was her second mother for as long as she could remember. Her and Bradley were always over, the mothers were always together so they were together. She loved him like a brother - or so she thought.

When he left for the Navy, a piece of her heart left with him, a bigger piece than she anticipated. She knew it would be hard with him gone, with Carole gone alone with him, but didn't expect it to hurt the way it did and after many nights of soul searching on her roof the truth hit her so hard she almost rolled off.

She loved him - as more than a brother, as more than a friend, as more than her childhood neighbor.

She was in love with him.

And the realization left her reeling.

But now, she lay on her seafoam sheets, staring at her ceiling fan blow around and around and he was out on a ship somewhere, not thinking about her probably.

"Tess!"

Her mothers voice startled her from her thoughts and she wondered how long she had been laying in her misery.

"You have a letter!"

Nothing else would have gotten her out of bed so fast. She raced down the stairs, a smile involuntarily taking over her face, heart racing at who could've been the one to finally break the silence and respond.

"Who's it from?" She asked, out of breath, snatching the letter from her mother's perfectly manicured hands as she threw herself around the dining room table.

"Hello to you too," she simply said, raising her eyebrows at her daughter. Her daughter who was supposed to be excited and getting ready for prom, but was instead moping about the two men in her life who would never live up to her expectations. She wished she could change them, change everything about their situation, but they were too far out of her grasp of control.

"Mom," she groaned in her teenage defiance. Her mother simply smiled, roughed up her daughters hair, and made for the kitchen to decide what was for dinner tonight.

Tess looked down at the simple white envelope in her hands. She noted the lack of a return address - a good sign if there ever was one and traced her fingers over her handwritten name on the front.

Bradley.

It was his handwriting, undoubtably. The little chicken scratch that was notes passed through class, hidden messages found throughout her room and late nights helping with homework.

Tess's stomach dropped - there could be anything written in this thin envelope. Disappointment, rejection, let downs-

"Just open it, Fess,"

"I'm absorbing the moment," she said, shoulders shrugging quickly, eyes staying on the envelope as she flipped it over. Her mom rolled her eyes but laughed, moving about the kitchen in a practiced rhythm.

With quick, practiced fingers she opened the letter and pulled out one piece of folded up paper. She unfolded the thirds, and frowned to only see one sentence written on the whole sheet.

Come outside already, what are you waiting for?

Confusion covered her face, eyebrows scrunched together. What the hell does that mean!?

Tess looked up at her mother, who only wore a shit-eating grin.

"There's no way."

"Go outside and find out."

Tess never ran so fast. Barefoot, she trampled through the living room and through the front door. The Bronco sat outside, just beyond her perfectly average white picket fence yard and Bradley was there, standing up so his head was out of the roof, waving at her with that smirk on his face.

"What are you doing here!" She yelled, running towards the car. Never, in her eighteen years of life, had she ever been so surprised.

Tess hurled herself across the center console and into his open arms, laughing and screaming as she squeezed as tight as she could. He laughed with her, and the hole in her heart closed up.

-

"So, why are you not at prom?" Bradley asked her as he shoved a handful of french fries in his mouth.

"Because prom is stupid," Tess said, feet kicked up on the dashboard, "and I didn't have a date."

"I find it hard to believe that you didn't have anyone who wanted to go with you." The two of them decided to park the car at the beach so that's where they now sat, sharing fries and nuggets while they watched the sky change colors and the waves crash on the empty shore. It was still a little too cold for the beach to be busy and probably too cold for the roof to be off the Bronco, but neither of them cared enough to say anything.

"Well believe it buddy, I am not Mr. Popular like you were in high school." She was far from it. Without Bradley by her side she was quiet and awkward, she kept to herself and her small group of friends and liked it that way.

"Your friends didn't want to go?" He asked incredulously.

"No, they went, but they all had dates so I would've been like a... ninth wheel." Truthfully there was nobody, no friend or cute guy in the universe that she would've wanted to go to prom with over Bradley. A realization that crushed her one day when she went dress shopping with her friends at the mall. She tried to match every dress to his personality, or his eyes, or his smile and every one made her feel empty and sad inside.

None of her friends understood why she couldn't go, they all thought she was crazy for choosing solitude over a party. Even the afterparty - a weekend trip to Myrtle Beach - was out of the question, she knew she would be no fun and didn't want to drag the party down with her.

Bradley didn't say anything. He knew for a fact that the guys he went to school with were practically chomping at the bit to date her, and he knew that she had a tendency to scare them off with her RBF and her ability to be completely oblivious.

"Anyway," she changed the subject, "how long are you home for?"

"Just the weekend, gotta ship back out on Monday, I just hitched a ride with some of the helicopter guys when I heard they were flying out here to pick up some things."

"Sneaky," Tess chastised.

There was a moment of silence, a comfortable silence, while they both ate and watched the waves. Tess thought about how much she missed this, missed him and tried not to think about how much it would hurt again when he was gone.

But Bradley couldn't stop thinking about prom.

"Seriously, not one person asked you?"

"Let it go, man!" Tess threw a couple fries at him that he failed to dodge.

"No! I can't! I just..." he trailed off, shaking his head at the ocean.

"You just what?" Tess looked at his profile, at the scars littering his chin, at the tiny moustache he was growing and that she teased him about for the entire drive but kept to herself that all she could see when she looked at him was that photo of him, his dad, and his mom on their fireplace mantle.

"I just can't believe it, it makes no sense."

Tess sighed, "you're the only person who thinks that." It was her turn to look at the ocean now, to accept the defeat that was her love life.

Maybe it was partly her fault. Maybe she pushed them all away. But it was hard to look at anyone that way when she was so in love with him.

"Tess," she turned and saw nothing but green eyes, "you are the most beautiful, smart, funny, caring, wonderful person I've ever met and every boy in that school is dumber than I thought."

Tess held his gaze for a few more seconds before she had to look away from the intensity. He couldn't really mean that, could he?

"I haven't even had my first kiss yet," she admitted quietly, "how pathetic is that? I'm a senior in high school, I have no date for prom, and I haven't been kissed."

They marinated in the silence for a second, Tess picked at the invisible dirt under her nails and willed the lump in her throat to go away. She heard Bradley shifting around in the drivers seat but didn't look at him until she felt his hand touch her chin, his finger gently coaxing her face towards his and he didn't give her a second to protest before he gently placed his lips on hers.

She felt the prickle of his moustache on her top lip before she even registered what was happening. His lips were so gentle on hers she almost didn't feel them at all and her eyes stayed wide open until her brain was able to catch up to her body and they fluttered close.

Bradley started to pull away, but Tess followed him, reaching out to put a hand on his shoulder to keep him in place and put more pressure on the kiss. Bradley followed quickly and neither of them pulled away until they were panting and smiling.

Tess's body exploded with butterfly's and she chased away the thoughts of what was going to happen next, what would happen when he left again because he wasn't gone yet, he was right here, and her world was complete.

[ddoubleener]

Let’s talk mental health.

For insight I have severe bipolar which means, I can go really high or realllllllly low. It sucks. It’s been my biggest battles I’ve ever fought. For years I did not know what was wrong, not even doctors. Just shoving depression meds because most days I was so so sad but then other days I was so high that eventually they gave me more pills for anxiety to bring me down. Then ended up being medicated to the point of being a zombie because they couldn’t keep my highs and lows at a normal level. Finally ONE person, a nurse at that just listened to me rant and cry and she daid “ I truly think nothing is working because your bipolar” she was right… all it took was the very first bipolar med they tried to keep the mania away and also keep the extreme lows away. I was FINALLLLY normal. But then I realized I was having severe sensory issues. Noises, conversations, going into public, my clothes. Something I had never experienced before. I was at fear that the meds had made something worse and was experiencing bad side effects. I couldn’t even control my mind. My mind had been shut off my sedative medications for years that now I was hearing it all. Went to my dr, he said I don’t think it’s anxiety I don’t think it’s anything like that I think you have adhd. Tried a few meds had big side effects. My tummy couldn’t handle. Finally I got put on adderall. All the chaos in my mind was finally shut off. I could go into public, that was huge for me. I couldn’t even walk into a grocery store without ending up in tears. So imagine any social setting. I was finally able to complete tasks, I was able to handle noises. And best of all I was finally not the over stimulated mom that was always angry. The biggest blessing I had was being able to do things with my kids without having to go hide because I got overwhelmed. But the more meds I got on and the more I thought I was feeling normal, the more I was remembering all the trauma, the ptsd kicked in. I had a baby, post partum hit hard. I’ve seen terrible things, I’ve been through terrible things.. I fear terrible things. It brought anxiety. And today I now take 3 meds. Adhd meds, bipolar meds, and my anxiety meds (when needed) it’s a journey guys. It’s a journey realizing you don’t have a normal brain and you have to accept you may need meds ( I fought taking them for a long time ) it’s a journey having all the things you pushed into the back of your mind come to life when your the most normal you’ve ever been. I journal. I try to right things down and do shadow journaling to work through things that I really just try to forget. I wanted to always be better for myself but I HAD to be better for my kids. I have to be able to teach my kids about these life struggles. God blessed me with my first child who struggles the same way I did. I always felt guilty he got it from me. I passed down mental illness to him. He is low on thr autism scale with severe adhd and severe anxiety. After years of us both struggling and trying to find how to manage. We both are in a place where I’d say we’re mentally stable. Day to day is how we take it. Some days we have good days some days are bad. I have 2 other children who have shown no signs of anything yet. And I pray they never have to fight this battles against themselves the way me and my oldest have. It’s not an easy one. I get why people give up. I wanted to, he’s wanted to. But I PROMISE YOU if you do the work, advocate for yourself or your loved ones like no other there absolutely is light on the other side. It’s hard to believe sometimes. But if you don’t believe in something or work towards something you will never go anywhere.

It will be okay. Maybe not today, next week or months from now. And it’s okay NOT to be okay. But keep fighting.

[sucktacular]

Pbbt

I know everyone goes at their own pace and I can't compare myself, but hearing my cousins went to like art school and have jobs and shit is just so weird. Like yall use to be lil babies in carriers and now I'm 30 and you're graduating college and have jobs and shit. And like I don't have a job. I don't really have much to show. And I feel like a let down. I feel like a generational dead end (negative).

But at the same time im also, like, happy and content with where my life is. I'm in a weird place. Like starting over. And it's not where my peers might be and it's maybe disappointing to my parents, but I'm happy and can see things getting better and going well. And I also know I can't compare myself to others cuz I have different challenges and different blah blah

On one hand I wonder if I'm leaning on crutches too hard. If I should be on disability, if I should be how I am. On the other I feel supported. I feel like I'm not just surviving anymore. That Im able to fulfill my basic needs and start trying to enjoy and do stuff. Its really hard to... Quantify.

My life is different than I thought it'd be and it's different than anything my parents generation (broad, "normalized" generalization) would have been doing. I feel like my parents worked and worked and did what they had to to support a family. I don't have to do that and I also can't quite do that. I'm not sure where my fears and my physical/mental abilities end. Do you know what I mean? (Talking to the void).

Maybe this is just kind of part of my social disconnect. I haven't really talked to my friends in a long while and it's kind of getting harder to socialize the more I'm away. It's hard to juggle the energy to do daily things and to socialize. It's hard to know where the line is with "over extending myself" is and where I'm just "scared to do the thing". Where do I push myself and where do I hang back a little?

Idk. Many such thoughts. Feeling like a disappointment to your parents when you feel like the "one that was suppose to make something of themselves". I already told them I'm not having kids, and my brother is also not having kids from what I know, so not being successful in like a career makes it feel like I've just fucked it LMAO

But I also feel successful! Because I moved out! I have a place, even if it's with roommates. I have a partner who I love SO MUCH!! I'm in a very happy relationship with someone I've known for years. That's a really big successful thing, right? I'm taking care of my old cat, who's happy and doing well despite his heart troubles. He sits on my head at night and bites my hair and meows at me and hunts me down and smacks me from the railings as I walk down stairs. He's 12!!! So proud of my baby boy. I worked really hard to get myself on disability despite being denied and taking an extra like year to get on it!! That was hard ass shit. So much communication and connecting with community ppl to make it happen. I make dinners for my partner and I. I don't just wallow and not eat anymore. I clean and take care of the house here and there.

Idk. If I compare myself to my peers I feel like a failure. But I also am proud of where I am. I feel like I worked hard and made some big, scary choices to get here. But I'm happy and proud of myself. I hope my parents can see that and feel proud.

Even though also like... I don't really feel connected to my family so like why do I care

Seasonal guilt etc... Christmas feels like a season of guilt. Never enough presents to give. Never enough nice presents at that. Never nice enough. Never happy enough. A season of disappointment. Hrm. Yuck.

Anyway rambling over. I took my Adderall obviously (after like a week of not being able to cuz I've been sick) so now my brain is all blllrlrlrlrlrlrlr what if you feel BAD what if you're GUILTY what if you should be PUNISHED but also what if you should be PROUD wht if you ENJOYED yourself for once instead of ALWAYS WORRYING? strange concept! Me happy? That's my life goal, I just want to be happy. But am I allowed to be? We will see once I punish myself enough (you can't punish yourself into feeling happy).

[nohoney]

k… could we please get a Drabble ab this scenario? Pretty please with cherry on top 😭 I am loving the angst train so MUCH! Thank you so much for hurting us more like this babe <3

https://www.tumblr.com/blog/view/nohoney/722969405344055296

the ask

y’all love the angst train

It’s intentional to hurt you but it’s never intentional to make you miserable. It’s one thing to see that pained look on your face and try to move on, and it’s a whole other thing to see you laying in bed all day and be so upset with them.

They can admit it… they went too far.

“Baby… please get out of bed. You don’t have to leave the room if you don’t want to, just at least get up for a little.” Keigo’s voice is gentle as he tries to coax you to get up. His hand is warm on your shoulder and he pressed a small kiss to your temple but you don’t have a reaction to his affection. “I’ll come back in a few minutes, okay?”

You give him a noncommittal hum in response, pulling the blanket back over your shoulder since he pulled it away.

Touya and Keigo had been taking turns to try to get you out of bed since your bender had ended. For three days straight you were up, awake on adderall to keep you focused and cocaine to keep you a little perked up. You were trying to keep yourself distracted from all the cheating. When they finally noticed that you weren’t actually resting or eating or taking any pause, they took away the coke and the adderall and you were forced to crash. Right now you’re on day four of having not left the apartment, you called in sick for the three classes you’re taking for the semester, two of which are online.

Keigo runs his hand down his face and sighs into his palm when he leaves the bedroom. Touya is on the balcony and chain smoking his stress away. The both of them know that they fucked up. Revenge cheating the one time was one thing, but they both just couldn’t stop the thrill of seeing you so hurt every time they came back to you.

Now look where they are after being selfish.

“Do you want to go this time?” Keigo asks as he comes out to the balcony. Touya offers the cigarette he’s smoking to him, heaving a heavy sigh and unsure if there’s anything different he could say from what he’s already tried. Plus he couldn’t stand it that you wouldn’t turn around to face him.

But he couldn’t really let Keigo do all the work of trying to get you up. “I’ll try…” he sighs more to himself.

When Touya opens the door, he sees you go under the covers and hide. It’s a pretty big indicator that you’re getting more upset the more they visit you in the room without you needing to say anything to them. He doesn’t like to hear you sniffle under the covers though.

“Doll, you know we can’t have you stay in bed any longer.” Touya says as he approaches the bed, “You need to get up. We can talk about what happened.”

He’ll say sorry to you for hurting you so badly. He just felt so betrayed after learning that you’d been messaging Shigaraki behind his back. It was too easy to hurt you and he just wanted you to feel as bad as he felt when they found out. It was barely about the cocaine you were sniffing behind his back; he just didn’t want you to need anyone else but him for anything.

You’re his whole world and he only wants to exist for you.

Muffled words are heard beneath the blanket and Touya strains his ears to listen to what you said. He asks you to say it again but you give him silence. “Come on, I’m fucking trying here! Every goddamn day, I’m begging you to be up on your feet! To fucking look at me!” Touya expresses his frustration.

It hurts him to have hurt you this badly but he also doesn’t know how to dress and fix the wounds he gave you in the first place.

“(Name),” Touya kneels on the side of the bed and pulls at the blanket to reveal you, “look at me!”

Just look at him.

It’s all he wants.

Look at him so that he knows he hasn’t lost you.

And you do.

Slowly you sit up and look at Touya.

You have an angry, heartbroken gaze set on him. Your jaw is tense and like so many memories he has of you, you try to refuse to let yourself cry. When you get that look on your face, trying to be defiant against your own emotions, it’s when you’re just about to collapse.

He’s relieved.

All your emotions, your jealousy and anger and happiness, they all belong to him.

“My baby, my gorgeous baby…” Touya speaks, feeling a little bit of weight lift off his shoulders, “You’re fucking beautiful when you’re mad at me. You’re my little crybaby.”

He dares to crawl onto the bed and catches your hand when you try to hit him. You protest and tell him to leave you alone, to fuck off and go away but he invades your space. “God, I need you so badly baby. You know they were nothing to me. They’re always nothing. Let me make it up-“

You manage to shake his hand off your wrist and you slap Touya in the face. You’ve hardly eaten so even putting all your energy into that one hit drains you fast. It made you lightheaded so you’re forced to lay back down on the bed. Your angry, teary gaze remains on him though.

“Are the two of you fighting?” Keigo comes in to find the blankets pulled off the bed and Touya with his cheek red, “Touya, don’t antagonize her. We’re supposed to be making up.”

“I was trying, but she doesn’t want to.” Touya grumbles, ignoring the sting on his cheek.

“What makes you think I want to fuck either of you after the week of hell you gave me?” You speak angrily to them, the most words you’ve said since a few days ago, “The two of you are awful to me.”

“We’re sorry, okay? We only did it because you hurt us first.”

They know and they’re sorry, but only because you started it.

They crowd your space, ignoring your curses and with no energy in you, you have a difficult time trying to push them away. You know your boys and how their guilt trips them up. The easiest way to harm them the most was for you to self destruct. To go on a bender until you either passed out or they finally noticed and forced you off.

When it comes down to it, they’re always going to end up saving you from yourself. Sometimes you’d wish that they leave you to spiral, like after that huge fight, so you could indulge in all the bad things you want with no supervision. But knowing that they’d agonize over you, coddle you or beg you just to bring you back from the brink of your self destructive habits…

It does remind you again that they do love you.

It’s all you want from them.

[bw2]

Hi I’m hyper right now I just took my adderall cause I’m going to the water park in 2 hours and like I’ve had a total of 10 hours of sleep in the last two days. So I’m gonna gush about my night and my man of the month. Hi

Okay so last night I went out with my friend + nail girl Tori and her coworker Keona (I was really happy Keona joined us because she’s really cool. I like her a lot.) and like. We started at this one club and while we were getting drinks, I saw the guy who groped Tori and I a few weeks ago looking at us LOL. Then he and his buddy eventually approached us and was like “hey let’s get some shots” so the dude bought us all shots and he was acting super weird towards me and it made me feel so fucking autistic cause I don’t know how to react to like random people flirting with me when I’m sober. He kept reaching his hand out and every time I was like “what’s up?” And then he’d give me this one face and it was so confusing. God. Anyway he put my lime in my drink for me and was just acting really weird but I was too anxious to refuse the drink so I took the shot and then texted Keona that I was worried the guy put a roofie in it. She told me that she’s uncomfortable with the guys too and that she wants to get out so we grabbed Tori, Keona said super bitchy thing to them, then walked out. THEN we ran into some girls Tori knows and we told them about the guys. And they were like “we will start shit” then eventually the guys come out and start hanging out on the sidewalk and like looking at us. Then Tori and those girls started yelling at them LOOOL.

Around the same time, this guy approaches Keona and I and is like “hey so my friend is over there selling bracelets, but business is really slow tonight. If I give you $10 will you buy one from her? It’ll mean a lot to her” so then Keona and I grabbed Tori and we looked at the girl’s bracelets and I used his $10 to buy one. It was sooooo sweet of him to like do that for her. The seller was really nice too and she looked so happy when I bought it! It was such a good moment. This is the bracelet btw! Super cute

Then we went to another club and Tori ran into some woman she knows and the woman’s work friends. They let us have free white claws LMAOO. Some middle aged guy who was in the group was talking to me and like he was attractive and rich but like I remembered I was gonna snap Chase (my mixed boy monday) and say “omgggggg are you downtown!? I think I just saw you” cause he told me the other day he was gonna be busy on Saturday night and like where else would a 23 year old who lives super close to downtown do on a Saturday night. BUT. Right as I opened my to phone to take the snap, he texted me asking me what I’m doing. I told him to come to the club I was in, but he was in the club next door with this guy who was wasted and didn’t wanna leave him so I told my friends where I was going and just went to the club he was in but like it took me 20 minutes to find him cause I didn’t realize he was in the middle of the dance floor crowd. I was so pissed while looking for him but I eventually found him and then like 15 or so minutes later we went to the club Tori was at and like I was so worried that he was gonna ditch me LOL like I held in my pee cause I thought he was going to. I was also worried he was gonna think Tori’s hotter than me and ghost me aster.

Anyway we like were talking about leaving and I told him I’ll drive us to his place cause I was sober and the last drink I had was at 11:45 ish and it was 1:15 at that point. I guess Tori was sitting on a couch kinda by us and sent me this LOLLLL

he’s straight btw

Then. We eventually left and he was like “oh shit I want a hot dog” so he got himself a burrito thing from a hot dog stand and also ordered me fries ? I told him I’m not eating tonight but like he was faded and ordered them anyway. Then told me that I told him to get them for me!? When he was ordering I was talking to this gay couple and their lesbian friend and they were all so cool and funny.

Then I joined Chase in food pickup line and we were talking and stuff and I mentioned how I took my full adderall dose at 4 pm and had an energy drink so I was super on edge before coming out and he was like “yeah I found Mexican Ritalin on the floor at work” !?!!?!!??!??? also he kept talking about like how good I looked and how attracted to me he is and like how I’m the best he’s ever had and stuff and like. AAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH

He like got his food and we sat while he ate and he was like “dude why did you get yourself those fries if you aren’t gonna eat them” he’s insane.

He kept trying make me eat the burrito but I was like “no dude I’m not eating tonight” and then he was like “wait. Are you lactose? You’re lactose! Lactose! Lactose!” cause I didn’t want the food. he kept bullying me it was so funny.

He like finally finished his burrito and then we continued walking back to my car and he started eating the fries he got and was like trying to get me to eat those too and was like “wait you don’t eat pork???” cause I didn’t want them AAUHAJQKQJWWJJWWWJWU.

He mentioned being mixed or something and like I already figured he was mixed latino cause I have a gaydar but for mixed Latinos. And I was like “dude this is gonna sound weird but what’s your race” and he told me his mom is white and his dad is Mexican LMAOOO I told him I’m basically the same and stuff.

Then like he went over to this dude and was like “hey do you want some fries” and started talking to the guy and mentioned how I’m not eating the fries cause I don’t eat pork then went “the only meat she eats is mine” cause I had made some dumb joke like that a few minutes prior and the guy gave him a fistbump. It was so corny but like funny.

We like went by freak alley I think. Or just some random alley idk then like made out again and then went to my car and he couldn’t figure out how to drink out of my water bottle and spilled a bunch of water on himself cause he didn’t know there was a straw in it?

Then we drove to his house and slept cause he was still faded. I love sleeping with him like. He’s so nice to sleep with his skin is so soft and he’s so comfortably warm AAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH. Also I’m mad cause I didn’t take a selfie with him. Also I’m pegging him tonight.

[catzlife]

07.27.02

I’m doing less hours at *szt so i can make more time for school. I’ve got a bit more free time as a result and have been hanging out from time to time at edwin’s. He turned me onto sleep, belle and sebastian, he tries to get me into radiohead, but i’m like no thanks. But he’s fun and interesting to talk to if a little bit uptight. Like i told him that i took some adderall at work to just get through the damn shift and he got a bit emotional talking about my old drug troubles, which is like dumb. Because the trouble was that i got caught and let a lot of people down. But like it was really fun and i’m glad i got to experience it all.

Last week Edwin introduced me to this couple he's been raving about for weeks—Sonny and Cruise. Honestly, I'm surprised it took me this long to meet them. Edwin's known them forever; they’re his best friends since high school.

We all hit it off immediately, which was no small feat given how naturally close Sonny and Cruise are. They have this easy, infectious chemistry between them. Edwin was right; Cruise is the quintessential science guy, always weaving fascinating tidbits into conversation without sounding like he's lecturing.

Sonny, on the other hand, has this almost magnetic presence. She’s artsy, in a truly refreshing way—not the kind that makes you feel judged for not knowing the latest underground artist. It’s more like she breathes creativity into the air around her without even trying. And, not gonna lie, there’s something effortlessly attractive about her, which caught me off guard.

They’re in Tallahassee now, attending FSU. We talked for hours about everything—science, art, life in our 20s. It felt good to be around people who are so genuine and interesting. I’m looking forward to more of these evenings.

—-

Back in april i got a phone call from Katie, who invited me over that weekend to try salvia with her friend. Since that chance meeting in the winter at a beauty, Katie and I have stayed in touch. We chat on the phone and AIM every now and then, diving into crazy topics from our wildest dreams to childhood fears. Even talking about this new drug she’s into, totally legal called salvia. Like a crazy hallucinogen and i told her i was down to try it.

I arrived at Katie's house feeling nervous but excited. Myself, Katie, her friend, Maria, gathered in a circle on couches around Katie's bong. Katie, who had already tried the salvia once, packed the bong with dried leaves and a pinch of 10x extract. Katie took a hit and described her experience of melting into the couch and seeing a stone wall with a wooden door. I took a hit, held it in, but felt only a mild effect, similar to taking a few bong rips of good weed. Maria decided not to try it, ending the experience for the day. We went and got a bottle of wine and settled in the living room to watch a movie.

We were watching Moulin Rouge! on VHS at Katie's place. Maria and I were into the movie, sipping wine, when Katie’s parents came home unexpectedly. Her dad extended his hand with a firm grip, nearly crushing mine, while her mom gave a welcoming smile. Awkward introductions followed in a mix of Spanish and English, filled with nervous laughter and wine refills. After what felt like an eternity, her parents finally left. Katie smirked and said, “Well, that wasn't awkward at all, right?”

As the night went on, Maria had to get going since it was getting pretty late. After she left, Katie and I were alone, and the atmosphere shifted. We shared a quiet moment, and then, out of nowhere, Katie leaned in and kissed me. It was sweet and unexpected.

After the kiss, Katie tried to play it cool but ended up tripping over the coffee table. We both burst into laughter, and she joked, “Guess I’m just falling for you, literally.” It was a goofy, endearing moment that made it clear we were into each other.

1 am: Another bottle of wine opened. We sat closer on the couch, sharing more kisses. The movie ended, so we flipped through channels, landing on Friends reruns.

Time passes and things heated up, and I leaned in further, i could feel her nipple piercing under her t-shirt and mentioned it. She told me just the one was pierced. I asked to see it but Katie gently shot me down, saying, "I will when I'm ready." Then we had a tender moment, holding each other close, feeling connected.

As the morning wore on we talked about everything—our dreams, embarrassing stories, and favorite memories. The room filled with laughter and warmth.

4 am: The night was winding down. We shared one last kiss before I finally left, promising to see each other again soon. The night ended on a high note, full of promise and excitement for what could come next.

I went home and researched first-time effects of salvia, finding that it might take a few tries to experience the full effects.

—

Headed down to st peter for Marc Hine's wedding. Marc, the ex-military guy, marrying his Russian bride with a personality that could crack a boulder. Sometimes wonder if love really knows no bounds or if it’s all just a fascinating, tragic comedy.

Made a detour to the Salvador Dali Museum – because what else do you do in Florida? The surrealism kinda matched the vibe of this wedding weekend. Melting clocks, distorted faces, a perfect metaphor for how bizarre this trip is shaping up to be.

Later, off we went to Ybor City. Everyone was buzzing about this goth club, “The Castle.” My friends, all 21 and ready to revel in the night’s chaos, breezed in. And there I was, stuck outside, merely 20 and already feeling the weight of another year on my shoulders.

So here I am, sitting on the curb, people-watching, and wondering if all these nights out are worth the hype. It’s strange to be on the edge of an experience, observing rather than partaking. Maybe there's something valuable in that.

The wedding itself was a blur of laughter, tears, and way too much champagne. I found myself in the parking lot with Conan from Ocala, an old friend of Domingo and Edwin's. We shared a joint, reminiscing about old times and laughing at the absurdity of it all. It was one of those moments that felt both fleeting and eternal, like a snapshot of youth that would linger in my memory long after the smoke had cleared.

Recent though my 21st birthday did come around. A milestone, they say. A reason to party, to drink, to celebrate the dawn of supposed "adulthood." But I didn't tell anyone. Didn't go out. Instead, I spent the evening alone in my room with a worn-out copy of "last night a dj saved my life" and “naked lunch” and didn’t drink.

[garymower]

Having the adderall brought me into a place of hope and vibration, experiences I never had the energy for before or the energy to manifest let alone take action to and accomplish. I don’t think I would be where I’m at right now without it. My diligence to take time off from it to not become addicted to it, maintain my goals and be present and ride this out and accomplish all I can until I had no energy for anything else and was living within that mindset so anything you did that reminded me of what has held me back about our past, present, future, any annoyance or decision that didn’t align with my forward trajectory was a threat. I didn’t want you to touch me because I didn’t feel connected to you. I was disconnected from the emotional side of myself the one that is so depressed and unworthy but can remember the good times, access things but I drowned it all out with booze and marijuana and external things. So either way I have been in a prison. There is so much going on all at once that I can’t even begin to express it or take the time to sit with it because accomplishing things and becoming successful at work and the serotonin levels leveling, I have to protect that. So, I have been solo in this experience I guess because I haven’t been able to communicate, nurture or operate normally. It’s been a battle and daily re-evaluating and have cause pain and mistreatment of you. I am so sorry for that. I don’t know how to balance all of this. Sex is the last thing on the list for me because of the trauma and history with us it holds. I have been taking on so much for a long time and haven’t known how to include you. I still don’t with all of this. That’s why it’s gotten this bad.

my on-ness became more important to me than this relationship because of the baggage and damage and years or working on it - I was always feeling bad about it caring what you wear, the fact you’re not handy or future forward, not outdoorsy, spoke in gen z lingo, hang out around young people, aren’t financially savvy or knowledgeable, not financially carrying us, the fact I don’t come home and there’s a new chicken coup built or an awning put up over the porch for me is an irrational annoyance I have,

I really do have a hard time though that you won’t ever think about what to do. It’s not that hard, you’re so damn smart and if you just took the time….i have a hard time with the fact it’s hard for you to try new things. It is for me too but I just find a way to do it. I think it’s that I didn’t realize I don’t know how to manage my thoughts coming through might have a lot to do with the fact that I lost my train of thought I don’t know how to do mental brainwork to recognize how you do not ask for things so for me, that’s physically doing things for you, it is mentally taxing for me to guide you through what comes easy for me thinking it should be easy for you. I have trouble recognizing I have a hard time dealing with others when something comes difficult for them that to me is a roadblock in my day.