#I think way too much about how often Julian comes in to get a new outfit for whatever holosuit he's doing that week

[cvntatrons]

I stayed up way too late last night and I am once again too lazy to do a background but I felt compelled to make garak fitting Julian's suit for our man bashir

[captainpetebradshaw]

so i watched 2x22 "the wire" for the first time today and it was a near religious experience so you're getting my thoughts on it under the cut

I love how comfortable they've gotten with each other; talking books? disagreeing about books? garak asking if julian can't just use his status as a doctor to get them to skip the line?

"perfect health, huh??" julian is so offended by garak lying to him about his condition lol

"i'm a doctor, not a botanist" is this some kind of star trek tradition?

"why can't he just tell me what's going on?" "it sounds like you're taking this personally" "i suppose I am... It's just that garak and I have been having lunch together once a week for more than a year now" once a week?! for more than a year?!

and then julian angrily stabbing dax's plant in frustration. let it out.

unsure if quark called julian to come get the absolutely hammered garak from his bar because he's the doctor or because julian is literally the only social contact quark could think of for garak???

"i prefer to drink somewhere quiet" "quiet? excellent idea... we'll go to my quarters" "whatever you want. but first i must make a stop at the infirmary" guess garak wasn't drunk enough for that little trick

but he was drunk enough to not notice the bottle hand-off to quark

"make it stop, make it stop..." aww no, poor baby!

julian using his doctor credentials to basically break into garak's. guess they ended up in his quarters after all

"if i was ever tortured, [the implant] was designed to stimulate the pleasure centers of my brain to trigger the production of vast amounts of natural endorphins" i gotta say, that has some freaky fucked up potential for fanfics and i can't wait to see how often it has been appropriated in the last 30 years

"living on this station is torture for me, doctor. the temperature is always too cold. the lights are always too bright. every bajoran on the station looks at me with loathing and contempt" ah yes, the autism experience

"why don't you just shut the damn thing off?" julian, do they teach nothing about addiction in med school?

i had to rewind this scene a couple times because i was chanting "kiss! kiss! kiss!" in my living room and didn't listen to a word they said. the 4:3 aspect ratio is also doing its thing

"has it ever occured to you that i might be getting exactly what i deserve?" "no one deserves this" julian going from all that taunting and appealing to garak's pride to this???? unexpected softness incoming

garak telling this story about how he is responsible for so many people dying and julian just saying right now he's just concerned for his health and won't let him die??? "you need to turn that implant off and whatever withdrawal symptoms or side effects you may experience, i promise i'll help you through them" like this is insane. i assumed people shipped them for a reason (and lower decks made them "canon" for a reason) but i was LIVING watching this.

it also has to be said that andrew robinson is acting the ever living shit out of these scenes - fantastic

even odo can't get past protector mode chief medical officer doctor bashir

staying by his bedside? for hours???

shoulder touch denied!!!

it's wild, garak must be suffering so much in that moment but he's still spinning up some new potential backstory. maybe this time it's not a lie but we just don't know.

"and so they exiled you" "that's right! and left me to live out my days with nothing to look forward to but having lunch with you." "i'm sorry you feel that way. i thought you enjoyed my company." "oh i did! and that's the worst part. i can't belive that i actually enjoyed eating mediocre food and staring into your smug sanctimonious face. i hate this place and i hate you." "ok, garak." addicts do get just absolutely hateful so this sounds pretty spot on to me.

on a side note, i don't think i could have done lunch every week with julian. he is smug and he has a big ego and i relate to the other senior officers who were sometimes a little condescending in their reactions when he was boasting about something or other. but that's ok, i don't have to. garak enjoyed it, it seems.

garak: you still have to learn the truth julian: heart eyes motherfucker

"why are you telling me this, garak?" "so that you can forgive me. why else? i need to know that someone forgives me"

"i forgive you. for whatever it is you did" "thank you, doctor. that's most kind"

so julian goes and finds the guy who's kind of responsible for garak having that implant in the first place. it's also i think the first time julian acknowledges they are friends?

"how sick is garak?" "he's dying" "and you're trying to save him?" "that's right" "strange... i thought you were his friend?" "i suppose i am" "then you should let him die. after all, for garak, a life in exile is no life at all"

"thank you" "don't thank me. i'm not doing garak any favors. he doesn't deserve a quick death. on the contrary. i want him to live a long, miserable life. i want him to grow old on that station surrounded by people who hate him, knowing that he'll never come home again. "what a lovely sentiment" "and it's from the heart, i assure you" <- that made me laugh

we learn garak's first name!

he's well again! back to the regularly scheduled lunch date!

and he's got a new book recommendation for julian, how nice

"what i want to know out of all the stories you told me, which ones were true and which ones weren't" "my dear doctor, they were all true" "even the lies?"

"especially the lies"

smiley boys!

this ended up being more of a collection of my favorite quotes from the episode but that's fine with me. it's my post.

[iliveforyouilongforyouvesuvia]

The Arcana HCs: M6 get kidnapped and tortured

~ an overdue sequel to MC gets kidnapped and tortured. CW for mentions of being restrained (in the scary way), having injuries, broken body parts, and trauma processing. enjoy! - brainrot ~

You'll never forgive yourself for how easy it was to lose your beloved.

It was just after breakfast - an unusually slow one, morning light spilling across the emptied dishes, a contented, carefree smile dancing from your lover's eyes to their lips and back again. They had stood slowly, bent to press a chaste kiss to your cheek, and stepped out to check briefly for wherever their familiar had disappeared to.

And then they didn't come back, and you didn't think to look for them until it was far, far too late.

The next time you saw them, it was in the back corner of a windowless cell, bound with their arms behind them to a wooden pillar, clothes tattered and bloodied and head slumped with the brokenness that can only come from despair and abandonment.

Julian

Apparently he's been surviving the last several weeks by dreaming of you, because he doesn't believe it's really you at first

He meets you with a dazed, faraway smile, barely wincing at the way it pulls at the bloodied bruise on his cheek. His good eye is bloodshot, and both retain an undercurrent of despair

His voice is hoarse and cracked from disuse when he invites you further in and apologizes for the poor space, telling you that you look as stunning as ever and wishing for the dream to last a while

Reality doesn't come crashing in on him until you're close enough to touch him. That's not possible for a figment of his imagination

He goes from tired condolences, asking you not to worry and to sit with him instead until you fade away, to staring up at you in shock and disbelief. It's you - it's you -

Does this mean it's finally over??

Doesn't say much beyond a stream of babbled "thank you"s and "I missed you"s and "are you sure this is real"s as you lead him out

Already knows the nature of his own injuries (he was, unfortunately, conscious and fully aware when they were made) and ends up talking you through how to treat and bandage them

Gets absolutely slammed with guilt in the following days as all the trauma and pain catches up with him and he watches you suffering in turn on his behalf. Thankfully, you're able to kiss it out of him

Tries to joke about liking pain anyways and can't do it, not for this

Asra

Their head snapped up as soon as they heard a new set of footsteps coming towards their cell, and they were already praying it wasn't you. You weren't ready for the look of horror when it was

He's already hoarsely begging as soon as you're in view. Get out of here. Run. It's too dangerous. He can't protect you here. Go -

Has a hard time believing you when you tell them that it's okay and that you're here to get them out. You can see them shaking their head in denial even as you kneel in front of them to free their hands

It's his hands that do you in. Apparently in an effort to keep him from trying any magic, his kidnappers have mangled them beyond recognition or functioning and you can't stand to look at them

As soon as they're free, they're scrambling to get both of you out. They were already putting together their own escape plan and have some scarily accurate guesses for effective escape routes

The look of terrified desperation doesn't leave his face until you're both out and you can prove that you won't be followed

They don't want to talk about it. They don't. want. to talk about it

He'll have to, eventually, as the waves of gratitude stop covering for his frustration at how slowly movement is returning to his hands and how often he has nightmares of his kidnappers taking you

They hate the discomfort of the process, but they're learning the sweetness of letting you take care of them for once

Won't sleep easy until he's magicked away all of the scarring

Nadia

You don't manage to say much when you make eye contact with her because the look in her eyes is leaving you breathless

You don't know what was done to her, you don't know what state she was in before you got here, but all you see in her eyes now is fire. If you're here, her courage and determination are boundless

Already pulling herself up against the wall and asking you to catch her up on the situation as you're removing her restraints

Are her captors aware you're here? How many have you fought? The big one, with the club - did you get him? Who else is with you? What's the plan? Give her your shoulder so she can walk with you

She runs on adrenaline and determination until you make it back home. She's reciting all the information she has and making strategic suggestions to ensure the group is wiped out completely

And then, when you make it home, she's collapsing

The following days show you a side of her you've only had glimpses of in the past. Her pride refuses to let anyone else near her, but

But you. You can stay. .... please stay

With her body broken and her mind haunted, all she wants is to be convinced of her support. She doesn't want to do this alone, all she wants is to lie down and know that it'll be okay for a bit

You begin to worry for a moment that she almost becomes too dependent, refusing to eat or sleep unless you're next to her

She comes out of it eventually, though she hates tight sleeves now

Muriel

You didn't know what to expect when you saw him, but it wasn't the deep shame that made it nearly impossible for him to meet your eyes. You don't know where this guilt came from

His first question is if you're in danger. As soon as you tell him it's all taken care of, he doesn't make another sound

Not a question about how you found him, not a grumble of discomfort or a grunt of pain, not even a sigh of relief as you undo the multitude of ropes tied so tight he could barely breathe before

He can barely stand to be touched by you as you brush his matted hair out of his eyes and take his hand to lead him out

He keeps stumbling. It's clear his captors were afraid of his strength, and had gone out of their way to damage his muscles and tendons and restrain him too tightly for the smallest motions

It's not until you're back in the hut and bandaging his wounds, with the door locked and Inanna at his side, that he's able to speak

He blames himself. He should have been aware of them when they came for him. He should have fought them off. He's been hunted for his strength his whole life, and suddenly, he didn't have it

It's your quiet testimony that he's allowed to be weak and still be precious that undoes him. With all the barriers out of the way, he doesn't have the energy to stop himself from being needy

Greedy, even, finally asking for hugs and snuggles and painkillers and second servings from dinner, and shocked when you say "yes"

Portia

You only catch a glimpse of the wavering hope on her face before she realizes it's you and her head falls back in sheer relief

You're here. You're here. Finally, you're here. She knew she could hold on another day, she knew there would be an end, she knew she could trust you not to give up on her, she knew you'd find her

And here you are. Her faith in you has paid off, and she's beyond happy to see you. She's pressing kisses to whatever part of you she can reach before you've even removed her restraints

When you do, she's all breathless, relieved, tearful giggles, and hugs as tight as she can manage with injured and bloodless arms

Her legs are broken, but that's okay, she'll just ride piggyback while she watches behind you for any pursuers. You've got this!

Never in your life have you been so grateful for a partner as relentlessly optimistic and resilient as she is. Even as the treatment of her painful wounds makes her wince and hiss, she's smiling

Of course, she can't act as though it never happened. She wishes she could, but the nightmares and the fatigue and the shooting pains and the crutches by her bedside suggest otherwise

Late night conversations venture to new confessions. How afraid she was. How out of control she felt. The lonely moments in her cell when her faith in you faltered and she wondered if this was it

It's hard to sit through her descriptions of what happened, of what was done to her, but you knowing it too brings you ever closer

Lucio

He'd like to say that he put on a brave face, but as soon as he saw you and knew he wasn't alone anymore he crumpled completely

He missed you. He missed you. He thought it would never end. He never wants to do this again, never, ever, ever, don't worry about the damn restraints, just kiss him and tell him it's okay, please

There's tears tracking through layers of grime and crusted blood and faint trails of his eyeliner - has he really not been able to clean himself in weeks? - and he's muffling his sobs into your shoulder

You keep wanting to tell him to hold still, the knots and locks are tricky to undo with the intense shaking through his body, but every pained cry wracking his frame is loaded with relief

When you finally get him freed, he's looping his arm around your neck and falling against you until you hold him

Hold him tight, hold him despite what a mess he is, hold him without worrying about his blood getting onto your clothes, hold him even if it hurts him, hold him so you can soothe his soul

And then get him out. He's clearly severely injured and in plenty of physical pain (which he will loudly make known to you once you're both safe) but he'll run limping next to you without complaint

It's a long time before he can bring himself to lift a blade or put the armored pieces on his gauntlet again. He still brags about his skills, but the way the light glints along the sharp metal makes him wince

Can't fall asleep by himself for a long, long time

[oh-saints]

Hi I don’t know if you’ll get this but I have an idea for Rúben Dias, he starrs crushing on the female photographer for Man City and his teammates start teasing him, he doesn’t want to admit his feelings because he thinks the photographer is dating someone ( but she’s actually single and is just introverted)

aaaaahh this feels close to home bcs i'd gotten mistaken so many times by men due to my introvert nature /sigh

silent

rúben should really stop interpreting things out of hand on his own and start asking the right questions instead.

rúben dias x photographer!you

wc: 2.7k

note: here's is my comback piece! (is that even a valid word?) i actually had this idea in mind for a while and i love writing this bcs i can see he could make this kind of cute mistake! this actually hits closer to home, too, considering that i'm an intovert as well LOL but as usual, I happen to write at dawn so this is not beta-read yet.

happy new year too, everyone! i wish you'll have a blessed year ahead &lt;3

“cupcakes!”

you groaned inwardly, that must be jack grealish. only the 100-million man would call you with overly sweet pet names like that, and he did it so often no matter how many times you corrected him that you had a real name during the first month of your employment here. now entering your third month, you’ve long given up, but you’d renamed his contact to be jack greasy on your phone.

“come sit over with us!”

unlike your nickname, though, you hadn’t given up on his persistent request to sit amongst his set of friends because good lord could they be so boisterous their laughter sounded more like a boom in your ears sometimes. their energy simply went off the roof and your introvert self could never handle it well.

you’d have your time to photograph everyone in the bus later anyway, so you gave him a polite smile, without another word, and proceeded to sit down beside your fellow media team.

you could hear jack screaming protest “aw, come on, cupcakes!” as you took your seat. his friends were laughing on his face at your rejection.

if you have your way, though, you’d badly want to be assigned to the calmer tide of the bus. the likes of julian, kevin, bernardo were more suitable for your kind. but being the one responsible for the disposable camera and all of city’s short off-pitch videos, jack and his circus were more than a matchmade in heaven for a better result.

before you had more complaints to mull over, your colleagues turned to face you and started babbling about an upcoming short video the both of you would have to make. the plot, the script, down to deciding who’d be best to be asked for to star in the video.

“i think rúben dias would do just fine.”

being a newbie, you nodded along the names he mentioned because in all honesty, you didn’t exactly know who is who and which is which until now. two months splattered all over the men’s and the women’s team, as well as the academy, was pretty much a guarantee you’d missed out on someone.

but you always, no matter how busy you are, spared some time to browse on the player before you met them, in case it was someone you should be worried for, or someone you should be thankful of for their media-darling persona, or someone you should be working twice as hard because they didn’t know what to do. worse, someone you’d worked together before but you forgot.

for rúben dias, though… you didn’t know which one of the categories above fitted him best. you were rendered speechless at your search bar result. you could bet your entire month salary that he was someone you had yet the chance to create a content together because if he already did, you wouldn’t have that face of his wiped off your brain.

which was exactly why you should be worried.

you had never worked with someone that looks like adonis when he decides to ascend himself from olympus. or so you’d like to think rúben was what adonis would’ve looked like if greek mythology happens to be true.

sadly, nobody warned you that he was even more beautiful up close, as he strutted his way to your creator team, with a tousled hair he kept tussling against, as well as the bright smile and warm laugh he’d drop here as he went through pre-production brief. his voice was so melodic it soothed all the soreness to your eardrums—thanks to jack grealish—in one simple video production, and you mentally thought you could replay the edited video later whenever you needed to go to sleep, like an asmr or some sort, because it really felt like a blanket on a rainy day.

your heart ached at the sight because my goodness… he was simply too beautiful for your own good.

it shouldn’t be doing all that jumping and leaping and drumming, though, because those were the early signs of you getting biased.

and it could only mean one thing in every professional language possible: bad.

with your very generous pay check on the line, you couldn’t afford to fail. so that day, you made a promise to yourself to do what you had to do, and thankfully it was what your introvert self do best.

＊✿❀○❀✿＊＊✿❀○❀✿＊＊✿❀○❀✿＊

while you knew what to do, rúben—on the contrary—seemed lost.

no, the portugese was lost.

contrary to popular belief, footballers are actually smart. at least, if they are not book smart, they’re definitely street smart. rúben would like to think he’s got a bit of both worlds, so it could justify his own judgement of you.

his eyes were keen, as his job required him to do so, and he’s got an incredible sensing, enough to read a gigantic elephant in the room when there was one. the combination scanned your change in attitude on the day he first worked with you and the present time.

you were so friendly and eager to work with him, welcoming his extended hand as he introduced himself to you for the first time. he remembered your smile, blinding against the bleak manchester weather but instead of feeling cold, he only felt warmth and fuzzy all over his body.

but as the filming session went on, your smile was close to non-existent, just like the probability of the two of you running into each other again. he initially thought it was only because you got so many takes already and the job exhausted you, but he later realised you were avoiding him. as subtle as you could anyway.

at the beginning, he only thought you missed the way he waved at you. or the time when he thought you put his row of seat last for a mandatory picture in your disposable camera, for aesthetics’ sake.

the time when he offered you a ride home, though—that was the final confirmation. the weather had started snowing on some days, and you were certainly freezing by the look of your shivering shoulders and teetering teeth, so rúben offered you a ride home. but you turned down the offer, ever so politely like usual. yes, yes of course you had the rights but the most logical thing was to accept them instead of waiting for the next bus, no?

(oh, believe him, he knew she was waiting. he managed to parked far away from your sight but close enough to see that you did indeed wait for the next bus to arrive and take you to the nearest station. he knew, and he remembered that day because it was the only day he had to fight himself from running down the street just to give you another layer of coat.)

his first instinct was to think that he’d wronged you somehow during the filming. was he demanding? was he not up to your par of filming standard? was he not good enough for your cameras?

but james, your fellow co-worker, the one who worked together with you for this project, gave him an utterly confused look. “have you seen how the videos turned out? you were brilliant, rúben. and no, i don’t think i’ve heard any concerns from her about your ethics.”

so what did he still not do right that could’ve upset you?

rúben didn’t like where this was going because you’ve kept him intrigued. you kept him on his toes, bouncing lightly like a child full of curiosity. you kept him thirsty for more information about you and what makes you tick, lowkey in hope to bring out the smile rúben himself didn’t know he had missed seeing.

and if he discovered that he did indeed upset you somehow, and was somehow responsible for the disappearance of your shy smile, then he’d like to right them right away. he has to.

with that mentality, rúben took the chance to clock out earlier—which was like the seventh wonder of the world around etihad academy—in order to catch a glimpse of you on your off-work routine. he’d set himself resolved to only ask necessary questions, not more nor less, without any hidden agenda. no wishy washy, unlike his previous trials.

rúben did actually catch you for a split second. his beak was already opening, he’d only needed his voice box to produce the sound to the question in his mind, but the scene unravelled before him halted everything in him. every particle of his body, every molecule of his brain.

a black car swerved into the lane to the lobby, a pretty prestigious car at that, and the way your face lit up so brightly reminded him of the day you first worked together. it was a sight that rúben missed, it was a sight that rúben longed to see again.

he was so blinded by the ethereal view that he completely forgot his own plan, and watched as the black car swallowed his portion of small happiness of the day.

was that your boyfriend? if yes, then did you take rúben’s friendliness as a romantical advance to you? if yes, then was that the reason why you immediately put up a china wall between you two? if yes, then was he that protective or was he simply possessive?

rúben couldn’t deny his own infatuation of you. maybe it was why he was adamant to right things good between the two of you. but if you did in fact have a boyfriend, then he should find a way to reduce and silence this growing feeling—be it really infatuation or merely curiosity.

“does she have a boyfriend?”

but desperate times need desperate measures, and rúben saw ‘the black car incident’ was his sign to speed things up in order to find a concrete answer. even if it included asking jack grealish about you.

jack snorted, rather snobby. “how would i know, mate?”

“i thought you guys are close.”

“your definition of close is concerning,” jack replied as he shut his locker. “why don’t you ask her yourself? aren’t you the type to just charge at it first, think later?”

“i would’ve if she didn’t give me a cold shoulder.”

“have you tried?”

rúben was the one who didn’t hold back his snort this time. “of course i did.”

“then maybe you were asking the wrong question, mate.”

＊✿❀○❀✿＊＊✿❀○❀✿＊＊✿❀○❀✿＊

as much as rúben hated to confess that jack actually had a point, he had to give hands down. he might be asking the wrong question, he might be asking too much question, he might be asking the right question with the wrong approach.

bottom line, he’d concluded himself that he had to try until he succeeded. each time in different approach, different variables. logically speaking, it should take him somewhere for a clue. if it didn’t, it should at least tire you enough to have you spell the answer to his queries.

rúben had gathered enough information that you and your team had wrapped up filming for christmas and new year’s content, complete with kids involved and all. you were supposed to stay in the editing room, and working late on it because there was a teaser—which fell into your line of work under “short videos”—to be uploaded tomorrow evening.

he purposefully slowed his pace for anything that did not require physical activities and trainings, resulting in him also staying late to finish some of his homework—his affectionate nickname for video trainings he’d like to execute at home, in the comfort of his abode and plush suede pillows—so he could match your pace of work. he planned to catch you off guard the same way as ‘the black car’ incident.

at 8, you finally went out of your cave, precisely like his little rat had informed him before. so of course, you were startled to find rúben already standing against the railing in front of your office.

“rúben,” your voice got stuck in your throat but rúben thought it was a cute squeak. it was also a better response, rúben thought, too. you could’ve spat at him or shooed him away immediately. “what are you doing here?”

“i’m—” rúben thought about lying for a second, but he decided it’d contribute nothing to a start of a friendship. yes, friendship, because it was the bare minimum, no? “i’m waiting for you.”

your eyes widened, and that was when rúben noticed the golden specks on the orbs of your eyes. heartbreakingly stunning, solely because rúben only noticed this now.

you shifted the weight of your body from your right leg to your left one, and rúben found it endearing because he noticed that was an early sign an introvert—you, in this case—was starting to get nervous or uncomfortable. rúben hoped it was the former because that’d put you as cute as an awkward lone penguin.

“is there anything i can help you with?”

“yes, i’ve been meaning to ask you something.”

with his devastatingly beautiful look, his velvet voice and his intensely deep brown eyes, your heart palpitated so fast and so irregular that you were afraid rúben could see them falling and getting back into its designated place like a bungee jumper.

or maybe the rope snapped on its way down and never found its way up again, depending on the question about to be fired at you. at this point, your mind went funnily white, and you were ready to succumb into either pressure or temptation, depending on the question he’d fire you with.

“do you hate me?”

you seemed perplexed at his blatant question, but he’d take that reaction over anything else because it was something, especially compared to the invisible wall you’d put up since the first time you both had worked together.

“do you?” rúben pressed his voice gently, while he took a step closer to you. slowly but assertively.

the movement snapped you back to reality. you should not heed into pressure, but there was no use in lying because in reality, you really had no reason to hate him. if you had your chance, you would’ve done things the other way around.

“no, i don’t.”

another step closer. “but have you ever hated me?”

realising the 6-feet centre back was doing, you involuntarily moved backwards in the same amount of steps that he did, albeit the distance reached was certainly and significantly a huge gap you could never keep. “no, rúben—”

before you could finish your sentence, he obliterated every single space left in between the two of you and cornered you to the nearest wall. “then do you like me?”

you should be running, you should be fleeing, you should be screaming down the hill. you should be anywhere but here, trapped in between the long, strong and sturdy pair of his arms, the very same one he used to defend himself and the ball from the opponent. the very same one your eyes couldn’t lie but appreciate its masculinity.

rúben noticed the miniscule movement of your eyes, despite your tightened body language, and it brought a little smile on the corner of his lips. maybe he had indeed asked all the wrong question in all the previous times he’d had the chance.

“tell me,” rúben then pronounced your name in the way no one else could, so soft and velvet like a fine cashmere being caressed against your eardrums, that shivers ran down your entire body as if you were struck by a lightning. “please tell me that, at least.”

so paradoxic, you thought inwardly at the sensation. and you supposedly hated the way he confused you, but you didn’t this time—you didn’t even detest the way he seemed enjoying this whole thing, by the way he pulled of a subtle smirk that busted your knees slowly but surely—and it made you even more crazy because what the hell was this?

you tried to mask it off by looking him straight in the eyes. well, tried to, at least, because the moment your eyes were connected with the milkiest brown orbs that reminded you of a hot chocolate on a wintry day, you couldn’t help but look away. “what do you want me to say?”

rúben didn’t fight a full smile from blooming on his face, as the tip of his finger aligned your face gently to face his. he really likes the fact you gave him a fair fight to remain indifferent still, even when everything else of your body failed to be your auxiliary. “do you like me?”

“i do—”

“then would you like to have a dinner with me tonight?”

[malaks-perch]

𝐥𝐨𝐯𝐞 𝐥𝐞𝐭𝐭𝐞𝐫𝐬 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐭𝐡𝐞𝐢𝐫 𝐠𝐢𝐟𝐭𝐬, 𝐢𝐢

lucio montag, nadia satrinava, muriel of the kokhuri, and valerius

what your lover thinks of sending you love notes and what they send to you

minors + ageless blogs do not interact

𝘓𝘶𝘤𝘪𝘰

- if he manages to sit down for a few minutes and stay focused, he can write some love letters that will make you swoon, don’t think for a second that he can’t (he doodles your name amongst hearts and cupid bows)

- if he’s the count, then he’ll make time to do the love letters and if he’s not, then he’ll find time between all of his new endeavors to tell you that you are his world, his love and his reason for wanting to be better and there’s not an ounce of him that isn’t grateful for it as he’ll try to let you know through all the lovely words that he sends your way

- like julian, words of affirmation are his love language and he’ll surely spend time grinning over his desk of too many quills, papers, and envelopes when it’s all to tell you that he doesn’t spend his every waking moment thinking about you and how he wishes to kiss every one of his compliments onto your skin

- he lights up when he receives a love letter from you, warming and drawing himself up taut with how much love fills him at the thought of you grinning over your desk to tell him how much he loves you, he’s absolutely lovesick

- if you don’t respond to him timely or are away from him for too long from you, then believe that he’s going to stop everything he’s doing to go find out why you haven’t sent him a letter declaring your undying love for him

lucio's love letter includes :: any rings of his, stationary that he likes, and ornamental pins

𝘕𝘢𝘥𝘪𝘢

- nadia was shocked to receive a love letter from you, i mean you’re already her lover, but now this?? she’s over the moon and reading it for days on end, she carries it with her and smiles at the sheet of paper/envelope while dignitaries are talking to her

- she goes to write back and blanks, realizes she doesn’t know what’s right or if there’s a wrong way to do the love notes, but a little advice from portia who ‘accidentally’ walks in her brainstorming session helps

there were a lot of frustrated sighs and growls coming from nadia’s room and the girl thought to go in there to see if the countess was torturing someone or needed a break from whatever documents had her in a tizzy

- the countess is remarkably good with flustering you in person or not, there are moments with the servants believe the countess to be having an affair of some sorts because of how flushed she walks around, but not so, it’s only you and your lovely words leaving her breathless daily

- these help on long days away from you when she really can’t bear it, she loves the sentiment of receiving you loveliest words from you, but she’ll often tell you she wants to kiss the sweet words off your lips

- she loves to send you little gifts and things that require you to be in her presence or return to her (she thinks she's clever but you see through it) and nadia is a bit too smug when you return to her with whatever she's sent you

nadia's love letter includes :: concerto tickets, her own hair accessories, and the occasional pocket watch to count seconds spent away from home

𝘔𝘶𝘳𝘪𝘦𝘭

- oh muriel, this baby has considered love letters only because he wants to put the effort into having one of those relationships you see on the streets where one lover is entwined with the other even if you assure him that not all love has to be a performance

- like the countess, he spends time mulling over what he wants to say to you until it settles that it’s close to a regular letter, except he can relay his heart to you

you’ll have to talk to him beforehand about sending love letters because if he up and gets one he’s going to worry over whether or not such sweetness is meant for him and if it’s alright to return one back to you

- “i think of you whenever you aren’t here” and ‘here’ is scraped out and replaced with home “because no place i’ve visited with you ever feels whole when i’m there alone’ truly, it’s a marvel to read

- muriel struggles the most with love letters only because he’s reluctant to pen down his feelings for you to a page when he’d much rather show you his affections, but that doesn’t mean he isn’t good at it

- he’s not all too worried when you don’t send a letter, he’ll poke around your shop to see if anyone’s seen you and might pout, but when there is a letter attached to inanna’s neck, there’s a tug of his lips that rival any token he could ever send you

muriel's love letter includes :: pressed leaves + flora, small carved charms, and a cross-stitch square

𝘝𝘢𝘭𝘦𝘳𝘪𝘶𝘴

- he’s not against the idea of sending love letters but he wonders why exactly you want them, he doesn’t see them as pointless - he mostly wonders if you’re serious

- he doesn’t spend time mulling over what he’s going to send you, it happens and whatever he thinks of in the moment he’ll jot down and miraculously is the best at not being repetitive with these lovely written numbers without needing to remind himself what he's written to you

- he grows fonder of these handwritten letters more and more because these are ways he gets to appreciate you and pick up on the little bits you think of him and he eats. it. up.

- quoting poems and literature seems juvenile to him so him because tethering words to you would be an insult when people are more prone to remember a sunset or the stars in the sky, so he mostly sticks to recalling his favorite bits of you and he’s truly fortunate to be yours

- he’s a softie about these things and as someone who was indifferent about the whole endeavor to begin with, he gets a little miffed when he doesn’t receive a love letter in return (expect a grumpy valerius)

valerius' love letters include :: his golden wristbands, quills from the market, and the names of literature that made him think of you

<333 𝘗𝘓𝘌𝘈𝘚𝘌 𝘙𝘌𝘉𝘓𝘖𝘎 𝘖𝘙 𝘓𝘌𝘈𝘝𝘌 𝘈 𝘊𝘖𝘔𝘔𝘌𝘕𝘛!! <333

[anna-hawk]

Okay, I didn't think of Shane when I was making that Julian gifset, but you're right, that nose scrunch is something Shane used to do. (I've definitely seen it in other characters too, but it was Shane that did that twisted twitch of his brow more often.) That's how good Jon is that I never look at a new character and see Shane or any of his other roles. We’ve already talked about this a million times, but I love how much work he puts into each of his characters, how he comes up with all their mannerisms, the way they talk, sit and walk... Even when he’s basically playing similar roles, I could never look at any of them and say that looks like Shane, or that’s Frank, or that’s whatever. Obviously that’s what actors do, but not all of them do. I’d love to see him in more roles like Julian, he did an amazing work despite the show being kind of a flop. He always stands out. That first scene alone when he’s being interrogated is just one of his best scenes in his entire career imo.

You said you wanted a statement so there it is, have a good day 💜

Hahaha, you can send those kinda statements any time you want, cause I can only agree with you 1000%. Going from playing Shane who slowly goes crazy, to someone as soft and kind as Julian takes talent. We've said it before, but Jon has sooo much potential. He can play anything and he will always give his absolute best for even the smallest role. That's something I really love about him, how dedicated and passionate he is about what he does. That scene you're talking about just broke my heart. It was fantastic, and I don't remember him ever playing someone as helpless and desperate as Julian. He's been desperate as Frank when he dreams again and again about his family dying, but it wasn't the same kind of intensity. The nuances he uses to adapt to each new character is incredible. But at the same time, as much as I'll never be able to mistake one role for another thanks to his acting, I also love getting little glimpses of other characters in his different roles. You can tell that some are his own mannerisms peeking through and that's fun. The habit he has to push up his nose with his knuckles like in that GIF. That's such a Jon thing to do, but then you have the nose scrunch and there's Shane showing up for a nano second. One thing's for sure, I'm looking forward to seeing him moving around as Frank again 😍

[clementine-kesh]

so i've seen that you hate the julian x ezri storyline and wanted to say that i definitely feel the same way, that this relationship held absolutely no weight, was based purely on having a woman get in a relationship because thats her only purpose, and it ruined both characters stories; if star trek wasn't so fucking obsessed with making the federation look radical they could've lead into some plot of julian actually beginning to overthrow section 31 and hating the federation possibly, but what do you think they should've done with ezri? a lot of the problems with ezri come from her being introduced in the final season and the writers doing the almost exact same shit they did with jadzia: focusing too much on the symbiont instead of who the host is. we learn so much about curzon and there was almost nothing to reflect on with jadzia because the writers don't fucking establish her as an individual character the way they do with the rest of the main cast. the main cast also has no deep [properly writtern] reaction to ezri; they knew jadzia for over 7+ years and should've been buried in grief and guilt knowing she died the way she did. jadzia shouldn't have stopped, metaphorically, existing within the first few episodes of season 7 because despite the way she was written she had a profound impact on DS9. the original plans for the new host were to introduce a man, who would then have this relationship with worf, but to preserve the already small female leads list, they introduced ezri. they could've brought kasidy into the main cast and established her as a person separate from being Sisko's Wife but since we cannot eliminate ezri from canon, because we and i love ezri, what do you think they should've done with her character (in the span of the season and post canon)

GREAT question!! ezri’s whole character posits so many fascinating questions, many of which we really never get to see explored but that nevertheless keep me up at night. she’s the perfect foil to jadzia in a way that oddly enough a lot of fans don’t really seem to get? to make an analogy to the broader trek franchise, she’s the ds9/voy to jadzia’s tng, a darker and more complicated reflection of their prior.

one aspect of early season 7 that i love is ezri’s volatility, i think it actually does a pretty good job at showing the effect of joining on someone so unprepared and i wish we’d seen more of the fallout of that in her personal life as well as how it interacted with the rest of the crew’s grieving processes. especially with kira, who has lost so many of her comrades but never quite like this. it should’ve been kira that ezri spent a whole episode trying to give therapy to instead of garak imo.

the beta canon material (along with the proposed ds9 s8) has ezri move to the command track, which would’ve made a for a very interesting arc. like, ezri’s first and foremost a survivor. she’s smart, she’s tough, she’s good at cutting through the noise and doing what needs to be done. but when people spend their whole lives in survival mode like that they often have trouble identifying what they really want. throw in a whole bunch of new memories and new personalities and no wonder she’s so messed up. showing us her transition from counseling to command as a way of reasserting her own desires by realizing that the medical track was never quite right for her in the first place, perhaps she just went into it as a way to distance herself from her family’s scumminess, would’ve been amazing.

finally, i’d love to have seen the reaction of trill culture more generally. get a trill delegation on the station and see what they have to say! more exploration of alien cultural dynamics beyond just the vulcans and klingons is never a bad idea

[luv-assangiebatch]

Mendax Undercover - Chapter 8: Charged Gazes and Dropped Hearts

As the friends met the next day for lunch at their favorite Indian restaurant, Kat decided to surprise them with her interesting news.

“So I slept at Julian’s last night,” she nonchalantly blurted out.

Marilu had just taken a drink of water and immediately spit it out after hearing Kat’s words.  The others reacted with dropped jaws, gasps, and exclamations.  Kat laughed as she waved her hand to clear the mist from Marilu’s reaction.

“I thought you might like that…” she chuckled.  “Honestly though, nothing happened.  We just worked really late, and I ended up falling asleep in his lap at one point.  Then the trams weren’t running anymore so he offered for me to stay in a guest room.  It was quite sweet, actually…”

“In his LAP?!”  Juniper echoed with wide eyes.

“Yeah…you sure nothing happened?” Astrid giggled with a raised eyebrow.

Kat shook her head adamantly.  “No, no, no… I mean, yes I dozed off and collapsed and my head landed in his lap somehow…and he just…let me sleep I guess?  When I woke up I was beyond embarrassed—but he seemed to find it amusing…”

“I dunno about this…you two seem to have some peculiar connection…” Marilu mused.

“Yes, I keep saying he doesn’t talk to anyone else the way he talks to her,” Juniper confirmed.

“Well, I think it’s sweet he offered up his guestroom to you to stay in because it was late.  It’s a bit romantic, isn’t it?”  Bethany added, beaming with optimism.

“He also let me wear some of his clothes to sleep in, you know, just like a t-shirt and comfy pants…”

“Oh that’s so sweet!” Bethany exclaimed, bringing her hand to her heart.  “What a gentleman!”

“Yes, that is a bit familiar, isn’t it?” Marilu pondered.  “Intimate…”

“By the way, do any of you know what ‘The Pirate Bay’ is?” Kat asked.

“It’s a BitTorrent website where people can go to download media, like movies and songs, for free.”  Marilu answered.  “Why do you ask?”

“Oh well, that’s what was on the shirt he let me borrow…I was just curious what it was…” Kat blushed, feeling a little foolish for having to ask the question.

“So how did this morning go?  Did you come to work together?” Bethany asked before taking a bite of her paneer tikka masala.

“Oh…well…” Kat began while she tore her naan into a few single bite pieces.  “I haven’t seen him yet today…I left this morning before he woke up…”  she lowered her head a little, as if she were ashamed.

The four friends gasped almost in unison.  Kat responded with a flustered shrug.

“Well I wasn’t sure what I was supposed to do!  I had to get home so I could get ready for work…and I still felt a little embarrassed over the whole thing…I wasn’t sure if I could face him…and have him see me all a mess in the morning…”

“Awe, I don’t think he would have minded any of that one bit!  You worry way too much,” Bethany responded, hoping to reassure her friend.

“Yes, maybe he would have cooked you breakfast or something!” Astrid added, reaching for more rice.

“Oh I dunno…maybe…” Kat shook her head a little.

“I don’t know how you don’t see it—he likes you!  Why else would he let you sleep in his lap and stay at his place overnight?  It’s so obvious!” Juniper exclaimed with bright eyes and a hopeful smile.  “You guys would be really cute together!”

Kat couldn’t conceal her beaming as her face flushed with a little heat, which was not caused by the spices in her delicious meal.

“That is definitely a thought that lives rent free in my head quite often…but ugh, I just don’t know… I think it might be easier if we didn’t work together and he wasn’t in such a high position…”  Kat sighed as she paused for a moment.  “Anyway enough about me and Mr. VP…what else have you all been up to for the past week?

“Oooh, well something I haven’t told you guys yet…is I have recently started archery lessons…” Juniper shared, reaching for their mango lassi and giving it a stir.

The table directed their attention to Juniper with enthusiastic surprise.

“Archery?!  That is so cool!” Bethany exclaimed.

“Yeah definitely!” Kat confirmed.  “How did I not hear about this sooner?”

“How is that, is it difficult?” Marilu asked.

Juniper nodded and smiled, acknowledging all of the reactions.  “Well, you know my affinity for all things outdoorsy and adventurous, and, well, I just thought this sounded like fun—like a new adventure.  It is difficult, a little awkward, but the instructor seems to think I have a bit of a natural knack for it…”  Juniper began to blush a little when they mentioned the instructor.

The friends were intrigued and wanted to know more about the archery in general, but also picked up on Juniper’s reserved giddiness over this instructor.

“So this instructor…” Astrid began.  “What are they like?”

Juniper smiled as their eyelashes fluttered for a moment.  “Well, the instructor is very skilled, I mean I guess that is why he is the instructor…”

“He?” Astrid raised an eyebrow. 

Juniper fidgeted a bit, feeling a little shy at first but eventually obliged the questions and told their friends all about the instructor.  He was an Irishman with long, thick, and wavy brown hair with some lightly tamed scruff about his face.  His eyes were also of a dark chestnut color, but they were kind and warm.  His name was Killian, fitting of his Irish background, but most people called him Kili for short. He was brawny like a lumberjack but also had a grace about him, as if he were a descendant of Mother Nature herself.  Juniper found themselves to be quite taken by Kili’s talent and kind-hearted soul.  He was soft-spoken and quite playful at times, which made his class quite popular.  Juniper often wondered what it might be like to go on a camping adventure with him in the Swiss mountains sometime.

“Well this is exciting…you should invite him out sometime so we can meet him!” Bethany cheered.

“Yeah maybe…” Juniper began.  “Or you could come and observe a class, too.  See him in action.  He is really something!”

“Does someone have a bit of a crush?” Astrid inquired with a smirk.

Juniper shook their head. “Agh, I dunno…m-maybe a little…but I’m just really enjoying the class right now and learning from him.  Besides, I don’t really know what his story is, if he is single or any of that…”

“Well there is always time to figure that out…how many more classes do you have with him?”  Kat asked.

Juniper took a sip of water as they finished up their lunch before responding.  “This class is a 12 week class, twice a week, and I just started a couple weeks ago.  I think he teaches more advanced classes as well.  He also competes in those axe throwing competitions…”

“Oh yeah, those are really popular right now!” Marilu noted.

“Yeah!  So I suppose that is my news for now,” Juniper concluded.

“I think it’s cool you just signed up for archery…I mean how random!  But also exciting.  I’d like to see you do that sometime,” Kat added.

The rest of the table responded in kind, and Juniper really appreciated the support.

“What about you, Astrid?  You always have intriguing tales for us,” Bethany inquired.

“Ah yes, you know…the rich doctors and businessmen…they are all the same.  Although last night, I did meet a somewhat peculiar man…”

Marilu tilted their head inquisitively. “Peculiar—howso?”

“Well…” Astrid smiled as she gestured with her hand dramatically.  “He was a bit of a wallflower at the bar, you know…just gawking in the shadows.  He had a typical upper-crusty look due to his attire but there was something about his face…something that seemed a little….dark.”

“Ermm…sounds like a serial killer…” Bethany giggled.

“Yes…he was dark and mysterious, but I didn’t get this sense that he was harmful in any way…” Astrid continued.

“Well did you talk to him?”  Kat asked.

“I did.  He had a very refined British accent, soft-spoken.  He is a doctor, of course…but quite different than the other doctors I’ve met.  He’s a forensic pathologist by training.”

The table gasped.  “Forensic pathologist?  How cool!  I wonder if he has a skull in his office…” Juniper smiled as they folded their hands and tapped their fingertips together just under their chin.

“Yes…so, it takes a special type of person to do that sort of work, no?  A dark and twisted soul, “ Astrid mused, finishing up her drink.

“I dunno, “ Kat shrugged.  “I mean, I’ve worked with pathologists and assisted on autopsies, and they are pretty normal.  Family men and such.  However that was just surgical pathology, not forensic.”

“Yeah, think of all the heinous crimes he may have seen throughout training, “ Juniper added.  “But the crime might be worse in the US or England, rather than here in Basel?”

“I definitely think he has seen some stuff, probably when he trained in London,” Astrid theorized.  “We didn’t talk too much about that though.  He was charming, he bought me drinks and treated me like a lady…”

“And did you dominate him later, put him in his place?” Marilu asked.  The rest of the table giggled.

Astrid shook her head though.  “Nope, not this time.  I offered, but he declined.”

“Has that actually ever happened to you before?” Bethany asked with genuine surprise.

“No—and this is what intrigues me.  He did however, ask for my phone number, so I gave that to him.  I think there is an interesting man in there—something deeper, more profound than these others who are so easily toyed with it’s sickening…” Astrid sighed.

“Did you get his name?” Kat asked.

“What does he look like?” Bethany followed.

Astrid shared that the man’s name was Alister and he was a man of medium height and build with pale skin, freckles, and ginger hair that was tied back in a low ponytail.

“Hey, ginger…!” Juniper raised their glass in a humorous manner which gained a round of chuckles from the table.

By this time, the friends had finished their lunch and needed to make their way back to the office.

*   *   *

After lunch, Kat settled back into her desk and unlocked her computer as she prepared to finish the second half of the workday.  Just as she had opened a case and began reviewing all of the detected variants listed, a mysterious black chat window popped up on her adjacent monitor.  It was like the one she received from Julian just the day before.

<jjj>: Kitty-Kat

Kat’s heart dropped into her stomach as she saw this message, both excited to receive another message from Julian but also worried she may have upset him by leaving without seeing him earlier.  As she pondered a response, she noted in the lower left hand corner of the screen she could update the chat handle that appeared for herself.  She smirked as she took a subtly flirtatious step, wondering if Julian would pick up on it.

<kkk>: Hi Julian!

<jjj>: Can you drop by my office?

<kkk>: Of course!  On my way now…

Kat sighed as she locked her computer again, feeling her face flush with warmth and her palms starting to glisten.  She took a quick sip of water to help calm her excitement before standing up and heading toward Julian’s office.  Once she arrived, she knocked on the door lightly before popping her head inside.

“Hey, Julian…?”

Julian looked up from the monitors at his desk and grinned once he saw Kat, and motioned for her to enter.  She nodded and walked inside, shutting the door behind her.

“Hi Kitty…” he said softly with a smile as she sat down in one of the chairs on the other side of his desk.  “So you must have left early this morning, I was surprised to see you were gone already when I got up.  Did you sleep okay?”

“Oh, yes I did—very well in fact!  I just had to get up so early so I could get home and get ready before work.”

Julian nodded, his blue zircon eyes shining warmly.  “I understand.  I should have given you the number to the driving service to come get you…”

Kat smiled, trying not to blush or fidget too much.  “Oh it’s okay, thank you though—and thank you again for letting me stay there last night.  I still can’t believe I just fell asleep on you like that!”

Julian nodded with an amused smile.  “It’s quite alright…I had a nice time.”  His eyes gazed at her before he blinked softly.  This look made her heart race a little faster.

Kat lightly batted her eyelashes before responding.  “I—I had a nice time too…”

They continued to share a charged gaze before Kat spoke again.

“By the way…I meant to ask you about the driver…and while we’re at it, the mysterious chat window…?”

Julian chuckled with another nod.  “Well I can’t give away all my secrets now, can I?”

Kat giggled, very much enjoying the flirtatious banter.  “Something tells me you have more…”

Julian returned a smile but then seemed to pause and tense up for a moment.  He did have a lot of secrets, especially one big serious one, so he thought it might be best to try and change the subject.  He pursed his lips and sighed briefly before delivering his next response.

“The driving service is just a company benefit.  The chat window, well…”  Julian bit his bottom lip for a second before continuing.  “Let’s just say I like my privacy and because I know my way around computer networks I found a way to create an instant chat that is not monitored by our IT department…”

Kat blinked a few times, intrigued.  “You really worry about IT looking at your chats?  They’re so harmless…”

“Yes, you’re probably right… call it an old hacker habit.  Sometimes it’s just fun to do it because you can.”

“Hacker, huh…?”  Julian’s mystique and dreamy good looks were driving Kat mad inside.  Every time she talked to him the attraction got stronger.

Julian internally scolded himself for letting out another juicy secret, but he did feel comfortable around Kat and believed her to be trustworthy.  However, he still wanted to remain cautious.

“Yes, well…you know—all ten year old gamers think of themselves as hackers,” he chuckled, diffusing the disclosure.  “Anyway, I asked you in here because I have some good news regarding our project.  I think I’ll have a better idea toward the end of the week, but I think we are almost ready to start validation!”

“Oh, that’s such exciting news, really?”  Kat was ecstatic.

Julian nodded with a wide grin, then swooped his hair behind his ears.

“Yeah…I will need to spend the rest of this week helping out with the pipeline issues the blood assay has been having, but I may have some time by Friday afternoon to put the final touches on this and take it for a test spin.  Think you’ll be available then?”

“Oh definitely, Friday is perfect.  I can’t wait to see how this turns out!  What time works best for you?”

Julian rolled his chair back toward his monitors to look at his calendar.

“Hmm…probably 4 or 5…”

“How about 430 then?” Kat suggested.

Julian leaned back toward her and flashed another one of his charming grins.  “Perfect.  I’ll see you then.  Thanks Kitty-Kat.”

Kat felt as if she were going to melt right there in his chair.  His smiles, those mysterious zircon eyes, his velvety-caramel voice—they all gave her the warmest shivers throughout her body and she was addicted.  The chemistry was so strong she pondered that he must have felt it too, and started to believe that maybe her friends were right after all, that he might have feelings for her as well.  The chemistry would not be so strong otherwise.

“Thank you, Julian…so much!  I will see you Friday!”

“Yes…if things go the way I think they will, we may have a reason to celebrate.”

Kat tried to control her giddiness as she stood up from the chair and prepared to exit his office.

“I certainly hope so, wouldn’t that be something?”

“Yes…” Julian mumbled quietly as Kat made her way toward his office door.  “Oh hey Kitty—” he added quickly.

“Yes?”  She turned around as she held the doorknob in her hand.

“Nice chat handle…it suits you,” he quipped along with another charming grin.

Kat’s heart dropped into her stomach again before it was picked up by a swarm of butterflies.  She chucked nonchalantly, looking away shyly before meeting his eyes once again. 

“I’m glad you think so,” she whispered.

They both stared at each other for another charged moment before Kat finally broke the gaze and quietly walked out of the door.

[apoptoses]

Did exactly as you said and read chapter 4. It’s now 3 hours later and I’m still in pieces. Took another nap but I still feel so emotionally/physically drained lmao I was genuinely sobbing into my pillow and I had to pause several times to either marinate in my feelings or play a song that I thought fit the scene I’d just read (literally listened to Instant Crush by Daft Punk ft. Julian Casablancas 3 times at one point like... “that summer memory that just never dies, we worked too long and hard to give it no time. He sees right through me, it's so easy with lies, cracks in the road that I would try and disguise. He runs the scissors at the seam in the wall. He cannot break it down or else he would fall. One thousand lonely stars hiding in the cold”). Babes I was going THROUGH IT. So hopefully this makes sense🤞

"That first conversation in it was entirely redone thanks to you ♥” god I’m so flattered! It was absolute perfection and it hurt so good. I have no idea how it used to look before our conversation but the way you had Armand on the verge on a panic attack? with everything crumbling down around him during those brief moments in which he thought he’d lost Daniel again... stunning. "How could you possibly think saying something like that is fair when just last night I told you how your running affected me? Am I meant to be kept on the pillory for this entire trip while you come away unscathed?" Armand asked. "It's not fair, Daniel." NO IT’S NOT, and Daniel owning up to it and trying to comfort him even in the middle of a fight was so lovely, so him. 

This though: “There’s a part near the back, the purple post it? Read me that part,” Daniel said. “I want to hear it from your own mouth.” NO. LISTEN. I  put down my phone, phisically backed away from it and said “OH SHIT”. It was fucking brutal and I was speechless. My favorite bit so far I think but I’m not sure if I’m brave enough to actually read it again. Wow. 

And I just love your use of rain as a motif here, and the weather in general, them driving through a thunderstorm both externally and internally is such a great choice. And how them getting through the worst part meant they were almost there. Besides, rain was also a thing in canon for them, and I’d like to think Anne made a deliberate choice when she gave them their first “big” moment together in years, alone in the rain, like you did here. In both instances it feels like it’s about washing away regrets, insecurities, doubts, and finally having them see each other as they are. 

“I want the Armand that woke up excited every day looking for a new adventure, where has that part of you gone? Did it really die with me?” Yeah THIS. I think it’s something that gets brough up often in fandom conversations (maybe not as explicitly as you put it here but it’s the underlying message we’ve been trying to convey imo). How serious, stiff, aloof Armand seems in later books, like he’s just going through the motions, only kind of coming back to life whenever Lestat is around or something’s happened to him. But that overly excited, curious, affectionate, intense young man we met in QotD seems to be gone for good. Like that’s a version of him nobody but Daniel met (maybe only the boys at the palazzo? but that was Amadeo, not Armand, so it’s not the same), only to disappear forever after Daniel left. Seeing Armand tell him that he also misses that part of himself and wants to recover it felt like a punch in the gut. 

“Wondered what exactly it was that had turned his emotions into these calcified things that were trapped inside of him, impossible for anyone to excise no matter how much they loved him.Perhaps it was Marius. Something passed on in the blood, a genetic indisposition to being vulnerable. Or perhaps it was that first assailant who had forced himself inside of Armand and in doing so stole the memories from his brain and tied his tongue in a knot so tight he was rendered unable to speak. Or was it the rejections he’d endured that had solidified the belief that he was a tainted and an unloved thing? Or- worst of all- maybe it was some inherent quality of his own. Some flaw of the personality, as immutable as the length of his hair or the color of his eyes. Forever frozen in time by his immortal blood”. Fuck. I mean we know others have wondered. Marius said just as much at some point didn’t he? How he thought Amadeo’s eyes had been “cruel” even as a mortal boy, how there was something innately wrong with him that he couldn’t wipe away even with all the love in the world. And then Armand himself saying how he feels there’s an “eternal winter” inside of him, how everything he holds in his hands, as you put it, “crumbles into dust”. GOD.

And then when Daniel started sobbing? I WAS SOBBING. Armand feeling like he had to get out of the car to comfort him or otherwise he’d lose him for good broke me. 

“There was no real need for him to look over to change lanes, except the desire to catch another glimpse of Daniel’s curious expression. Armand’s heart fluttered fast as Amadeo’s when their eyes met. “What was that look for?” Daniel asked. “Nothing. I was only checking the traffic.” AWWWW my babies, I love them sm they’re getting there!!! 🥹 And I LOVE how you keep building up that kiss they haven’t had yet. I have no doubt it’ll live up to the hype. Every single line in this is canon to me ofc you’re incredible xoxo DA ❤️

DA, I'm so glad you survived it haha

I have no idea how it used to look before our conversation but the way you had Armand on the verge on a panic attack? with everything crumbling down around him during those brief moments in which he thought he’d lost Daniel again... stunning.

Yeah, in draft one Daniel kinda just....got away with it haha Armand got called out for pushing him away when he was just trying to comfort him, but Daniel caught no flack at all for running off and didn't apologize and I thought NOPE, no that's wrong. They gotta touch on that problem and Armand can't let this trip just be the Roast of Armand de Romanus. So. There :) I'm glad it worked!! I think the story is much better for it.

It is a topic they bump up against again but that's a quieter, less charged moment.

The book conversation though! I wanted THAT to happen for a long time. What's more brutal than being forced to read out your own words and explain them? Nothing!! And I think it's something that was on Daniel's mind the first time he ever read that part. He wanted to hear it from Armand's mouth because he couldn't believe it was real.

Besides, rain was also a thing in canon for them, and I’d like to think Anne made a deliberate choice when she gave them their first “big” moment together in years, alone in the rain, like you did here. In both instances it feels like it’s about washing away regrets, insecurities, doubts, and finally having them see each other as they are. 

Thank you!! I really wanted them to HAVE to drive slow, to need to stop at some point. And rain was the best way to do it. I actually forgot it was raining the night Daniel died! It's such a nice accidental parallel.

How serious, stiff, aloof Armand seems in later books, like he’s just going through the motions, only kind of coming back to life whenever Lestat is around or something’s happened to him.

Right! I think about it a lot. I mean, it makes sense in the wake of his attempt at going into the sun. Depression isn't cured just because he survived. But it's really strange that he's got two fledglings living in his home and he just doesn't seem happy. It's like he never did the work to figure out what made him so unhappy in the first place, so Daniel has to push him to look at that and figure it out.

Fuck. I mean we know others have wondered. Marius said just as much at some point didn’t he? How he thought Amadeo’s eyes had been “cruel” even as a mortal boy, how there was something innately wrong with him that he couldn’t wipe away even with all the love in the world. And then Armand himself saying how he feels there’s an “eternal winter” inside of him, how everything he holds in his hands, as you put it, “crumbles into dust”. GOD.

Exactly. I don't think he's cruel like Marius characterized him. I think he's traumatized, he's had C-PTSD immortalized into his veins via the blood. The eternal winter in him is just all the things he never worked through and that Daniel is going to ask him to sort through now so he can understand him and start to heal with ihm.

And then when Daniel started sobbing? I WAS SOBBING. Armand feeling like he had to get out of the car to comfort him or otherwise he’d lose him for good broke me. 

Armand is a good boyfriend at heart 🥹 He's been so paralyzed up to this point and now he's taking action! He can do better he can be better!

I love them sm they’re getting there!!! 🥹 And I LOVE how you keep building up that kiss they haven’t had yet. I have no doubt it’ll live up to the hype.

They're trying hard! That first kiss- it's a lot, it's explosive! And a lot of softer kisses are sure to follow. I hope it stands up to whatever you're hoping for ♥

You're incredible for delivering these reviews right to my inbox!! I'm so happy you like it 🥹

[joecial-distancing]

Albums of the new year

MGMT Oracular Spectacular (2007): There’s a review of Spring Breakers that I really like, where the reviewer points out that it’s a movie that makes more sense now, in hindsight, because instead of getting Harmony Korine’s hot takes on America’s youth, you get a dead-on time capsule of a very specific time & place--a zeitgest, over now, that at the time didn’t seem aware of its own mortality.

I was thinking a lot about that when listening to Oracular Spectacular; I was actually pretty shocked to see it’s as old as 2007, because the era I vividly remember it from was 2011-2013 aka my college years aka a time when the hits from this were ubiquitous instead of showing their age. It’s another one of those where exactly half the songs on here got way too much exposure, while the other half you’ve never heard in your fucking life. Most of the unknowns were actually pretty fun, with the exception of “Youth” which was so awful it single-handedly knocks the whole thing down a rung of my esteem. Fun trip down memory lane!

UB40 Signing Off (1980): I’m slowly triangulating my reggae taste, for the most part this was pretty good, didn’t stand out very much, but a couple of the songs (”Signing Off”, “Reefer Madness”) are long instrumental pieces that I thought were really cool and engaging

John Lee Hooker The Healer (1989): I’ve learned through this project and after seeing Kingfish Ingram live that I really like blues, and this is tremendous stuff

Talking Heads Talking Heads 77 (1977): This was an interesting one for me; I consider myself a huge Talking Heads fan, but also their big deal albums for me all come from their middle/later years, like Remain in Light onward. So even having grown up with their stuff around, I never really checked out their earliest offerings.

All of which is to say I’m having a tough time with this one, I think I don’t like it as much as what came later, but I still like it a lot, but I struggle to get into the headspace of what I might think if I were coming to this completely cold

Madonna Ray of Light (1998): Outstanding side A existing in tension with kind of a dull side B. I dunno, this one really excited me at the start, but I didn’t end it with the same enthusiasm

Giving it another listen, am I crazy, of am I hearing shades of Moon Safari in this?

Oasis Definitely Maybe (1994): Knowing them only from “Wonderwall”, this was pretty good. At its best made me think about underwater cities, which is a winner for me.

iirc there’s like a fan feud between them and Blur? going off this, I think I’m probably Team Blur

Coldplay Parachutes (2000): Dire stuff, I was correct to give them a miss back in the day

Julian Cope Peggy Suicide (1991): I have no idea about who this guy is or his deal in general, but this was really interesting. Album length kind of uncalled for, but on the other hand a normal length wouldn’t have been enough to get lost in, which was very fun with this

Screaming Trees Dust (1996): Grungy, forgettable

The Smashing Pumpkins Siamese Dream (1993): Kind of mixed for me, fundamentally compelling, vocals have a weird quality that I’m kind of on board with, but also often the thing got boring

Nancy Griffith The Last Of The True Believers (1986): Spotify reactivated autoplay without permission, and it took me a solid hour to notice the album was done with.

Captain Beefheart & His Magic Band Safe As Milk (1967): Had to dig up a mono release because the stereo mixing was way too aggressive for headphones, but overall pretty fun weird folky mishmash thing

Soft Cell Non-Stop Erotic Cabaret (1981): “Tainted Love” is the thing they’re known for, but the actual highlight of this was “Sex Dwarf”. Otherwise forgettable Brit Synth Pop.

Pink Floyd The Piper At The Gates Of Dawn (1967): First time listening to a non-Dark Side Of The Moon or -greatest hits Pink Floyd album; since the last time either of them came up on the list, I head something about how Pink Floyd in general was kind of a predecessor to Radiohead; like even though the tone is different, both groups’ appeal lies in the sound mixing, and there’s audience overlap of people drawn to that.

Janelle Monáe The ArchAndroid (2010): This was fantastic! I feel like concept albums haven’t been in vogue for a good long while, so I really really appreciated how big she went with it here.

a-ha Hunting High And Low (1985): “Take On Me” is correctly the well-known song from them, but there were a few other gems in this

Pet Shop Boys Very (1993): Pet Shop Boys grates on me in general, and this one was done no favors by coming right on the heels of a-ha like that. I feel like by 1993 it was long past time to evolve past this kind of sound

Led Zeppelin Physical Graffiti (1975): Album went a bit too long. The number of songs was correct, lots to get lost in, and they go a lot of different places, but the songs mostly overstayed their welcome.

c. 2012 I was using Pandora a lot, and for some reason it was absolutely obsessed with serving me up instrumental covers of “Kashmir”. Which I guess was fine, just confusing.

Johnny Cash At San Quentin (1969): Johnny Cash is great and I like how much this benefits from being a live album, really shows off how charismatic of a performer he was

Devo Q: Are We Not Men? A: We Are Devo (1978): Foundational album of a low-key influential band, but not one of my preferred releases from them

Echo And The Bunnymen Ocean Rain (1984): More of a stereotypical ‘80s sound compared to Crocodiles, by which I mean less along the lines of synth pop, and more grandiose, lots of orchestral stings, etc. A Bigger sound that I think benefits them

Muse Black Holes and Revelations (2006): I expected to have a bunch of thoughts on Muse and whether their stuff has aged very well since my high school days when I was super into them, maybe some ideas on the distinctly Nolan-movie-style bombast, evaluating whether I still like it etc. What I thought about instead is how I never really listened very much to this as a full album, usually I just skipped between the singles. The big fuckoff Cosmic Arena Rock pieces show their age, but actually still land alright, but in between them are a whole lot of bad filler pieces that really drag the whole thing down

Orbital Snivilisation (1994): The type of techno that Strong Bad was making fun of

Arcade Fire Neon Bible (2007): Band continues to be mids

Dolly Parton Coat Of Many Colors (1971): I’m a tough sell on most post-50s/60s country music, and I liked this quite a bit

Tom Waits Heartattack And Vine (1980): Think I liked Rain Dogs better, he was sleazier for that

Tortoise Millions Now living Will Never Die (1996): I got excited when I realized it was going to be all instrumental, but it never really rose above passing the time alright

Arrested Development 3 Years, 5 Months And 2 Days In The Life Of... (1992): This is the most dated-90s shit I’ve heard in my life

[brooksdavis]

I don’t watch so I can’t contribute but I CAN ask you to talk about your feelings about brooke and julian in 7.01 of one tree hill

emily you are too kind okay SO *deep breath*

the thing for me is the last time we saw brooke and julian before 7.01 is obviously in the seaosn 6 finale where she flew to him in LA on the set of his new movie set and said today was the day, she was ready to say I LOVE YOU and MEAN IT from the honesty and bottom of her heart for the first time since she was 17 with her first love that shattered her, okay, and it's SUCH A HUGE STEP!!! IT SAYS SO MUCH ABOUT HOW BROOKE HAS GROWN AND HOW READY SHE IS FOR A FOREVER RELATIONSHIP IN HER LIFE!! and obviously s6 had a lot of that with her ending the briefly revisited flirtationship with owen because he wasn't ready for things like a family and a future and julian is the kind of guy WHO THINKS ABOUT and WANTS a future you know so anyway that's the end of season 6 -

and then you START 7.01! OKAY!! AND YOU FIND OUT THAT WHERE WE ARE IS 14 MONTHS LATER!! A YEAR AND TWO MONTHS!! BROOKE AND JULIAN ARE NOW IN THE LONGEST RELATIONSHIP THEY'VE EVER BEEN IN IN THEIR LIVES! THIS IS SOMETHING REAL, SOMETHING THEY'RE COMMITTED TO!

i want to LOSE MY MIND over those fourteen months that they were a fashion mogul, magazine owner in the tabloids, in a steady relationship with a hotshot movie producer! the red carpets, the fancy dinners, the absolute magic of loving in the honeymoon period and beyond! and then you find out THEY'VE BEEN DOING THIS ON AND OFF LONG DISTANCE ALL THIS TIME! separated often for work but tethered in all the ways that counts!! "the movies almost over and then you can come back to tree hill and we can finally be together, right?" brooke being VULNERABLE in a relationship she has faith IS SUCH AN IMPORTANT THING FOR HER! she ACTIVELY tells him she loves and misses him and is confident in the fact that he'll say that SAME fuck ME okay it's a little thing but the GROWTH AH! "i want you to stay -"

julian saying she's been moping since the night at the beach. always paying attention to how she feels. giving her options that if she wants to move, she always can, because the person that was tethering her isn't there anymore but he is here and he can be her tether. brooke staying firm on what she wants, him accepting it, and then her taking the moment to say THIS IS YOUR MOMENT. I'M PROUD OF YOU despite them having a gentle disagreement literally seconds earlier! taking his HAND on the red carpet, being the UNITED FRONT and a proper set of partners! you can tell these are people that trust and care about each other and can compromise while keeping true to their own desires and that to me is one of the healthiest marks of a relationship ever!

the PHOTOS OF HIM she has PRINTED OUT AND FRAMED in her apartment!! that she gazes at longingly! she made space for him in the bedroom and is so OVER THE MOON at the fact that she's about to be living with the man that she loves - julian getting the news of a movie that could make his career and brooke pushing her feelings down to support his career and MARRRYYYYY MEEEEEE IN THE SAAANNNDDDD FUCK MEEEEEE the way two seasons ago brooke said if she found someone she could love she supposed she'd want a family to being bold enough to PROPOSE to the man she adores on the eve of them moving in together for the first time i could screech to the high heavens, brooke davis in LOVE is a thing to behold that's what br*cas taught us okay and as a brooke girl to my core i lose my ever loving MIND watching her get to be in love without pain with a man who DESERVES and adoressss her

AND THEN JULIAN??? SHOWING UP AT THE BIRTHDAY PARTY WITH A PRESENT?? SHOWING HIS GIRLFRIEND HE IS THERE TO SUPPORT HER AT FAMILY EVENTS LIKE HER GODSONS BIRTHDAY PARTYYYYYY LIKE AHHHHHHHH and the way they're ALL OVER EACH OTHER i just know in my heart that every minute they could snatch to be together, every second they could, those two were fucking all over the coasts and i love it when i KNOW a couple fucks, it's a very important metric, hotness being in the energy of knowing two characters smash, very important to me. (CASE IN POINT: SKINNY DIPPINGGGG, THAT'S WHAT SHE SAIDDD, a couple that makes dirty jokes together and is comfortable in the occasional wild dirty thing, my HEARTTT)

do you remember HOW IT WAS IN THE BEGINNING? EVEN IF WE WERE APART WE'D TALK EVERY NIGHT, AND MY HEART RACED WITH EVERY TEXT, AND EVERY TIME MY PHONE RANG I THOUGHT IT WOULD BE YOU?? I STILL DO THAT WITH YOU!!!

fuck me affirmation is SO FUCKING IMPORTANT assuring your partner they are loved by you is such a galvanizing thing and just fuels trust in a relationship and i'll yell forever about men that know how to use their words to tell their woman (as well as show) that they LOVE. THEM!!!!

"i'm just lonely" "you're killing me" HER CONFESSING THAT IS VERY 3.12? I THINK? WHEN THE DAY AFTER L*CAS AND HER GET BACK TOGETHER HE SPENDS THE DAY OUT OF TOWN WITH PEYTON FOR SOME DUMBASS STUPID FUCKING REASON CUZ THE BOY IS SHIT AT PRIORITIES AND SHE SAID IT WAS A HARD DAY AND SHE MISSED HER BOYFRIEND AND HE'S LIKE HUR HUR I'M HERE NOW whatever i'm not here to talk about him, so anyway back to them on the beach like a hot romance book cover all wet haired and scrumptious and in love -

[arodrwho]

i have at last finished watching ds9 and as far as endings go that one was not my favorite. i am making some alterations:

odo stays with the link for like. a month. and then he comes back to ds9. he visits the link often but he doesn't rejoin the link permanently, and the station is still his home

sisko also comes back before too long. he's in and out via visions for a little bit but he physically returns to the station well before the baby is born. after that he continues to be in and out to a much lesser degree, doing Prophet Things at odd times, same way he used to get visions at odd times, just this is somewhat more often

miles and keiko leaving... i'm not sure how i'd alter that one exactly bc in my perfect ideal world they simply Don't Leave, but if they must leave i want them to return eventually :( and until they do i fully believe miles & julian are doing the space future equivalent of playing dnd over roll20 at LEAST once a week like clockwork

worf... i am Less Sad about him leaving bc the new duties feel good & right for him. this is satisfying. however he returns to the station as often as he can & still thinks of it as home base

garak, similar to worf, i'm less sad about the idea of him leaving bc returning to cardassia & helping rebuild feels Correct. satisfying conclusion to his arc. however,,,,, there is absolutely no way in hell he just stops having lunch w julian. i dont care if they end up eating together while on a space zoom call once a week while garak's got the world's shittiest connection, they are keeping their lunches

i think ? that probably sums it up?

also. not a post-canon hc so much as an outright change but i would maybe have sisko reach out to jake instead of kasidy - or at least in addition to kasidy. i know he loves his wife but like. thats his son yknow? who has already lost a parent v suddenly & violently before. i just feel like if he had to choose only one of them to talk to, he'd choose his kid

anyway.

to conclude: yes

[beanswrites]

Imagine The Arcana Characters Getting Jealous

Okay ya'll so until I post some new requested fics and hcs here you go, a little drabble ♡︎

Pairings: The Main 6 (Asra, Julian, Nadia, Muriel, Portia, Lucio) x you

Warnings: this is a bit spicier, my fella's. But enjoy some spice. You deserve it.

All of them would be so antsy, so mad. It wasn't fair, was it? You are theirs, only theirs. So why were you hanging out with your "friend" more? Why were they suddenly more important?

---

Asra who's trying to keep it cool, but we all know he's having a panic attack inside. They lost you once, and they are not planning on losing you again.

Asra who leaves little spells on you, subtle enough to not be seen as possesive, but strong enough to give your "friend" an idea of just how taken you are.

Asra who wraps his scarf around your shoulders whenever you go out, under the excuse that "it's cold outside", while you just know that it's because he wants the world to know that you are dating.

Asra who worries that you deserve a better partner, a better master than them. They couldn't keep you safe and satisfied, so that must be the reason you'd want someone else? Once every line is crossed, they confront you openly about it, and you can see that they are on the verge of tears.

Asra who nips and kisses your bare shoulders and collarbone in the darkest hours, whispering about how much he loves and needs you, all while carassing every part of your body with his hands, making sure to make you feel loved too.

---

Julian who gets super dramatic, acting like he's in a soap opera when he noticed that you are hanging around your friend "more"

Julian who completely trusts you, he really does, and yet.. He's still worried. What if he isn't enough for you anymore?

Julian who starts drinking more from worrying, and he comes home drunk every night. He comes home way before you do or after you are already asleep, not wanting to upset you.

Julian who gets caught by you on a random Wednesday night, when you finally make him tell you what happened.

Julian who's now sound asleep on your bare chest, with you stroking his bare back. His red locks are tickling your sensitive skin a bit, but it's worth it since now he knows that you love only him.

---

Nadia who knows it's not proper behavior to be jealous, and doesn't want to be associated to it. But she just can't help it.

Nadia whose concentration to her royal meeting completely disapeared, and she just can't help but think about how recently all you've been doing is hanging around your "friend". Did your countess do something to upset you?

Nadia who insists on wearing matching outfits with you, just to show everyone that you two are very much together

Nadia who says "My partner and I" a bit too loudly when giving speeches, making sure your "friend" and everybody else in the entire Vesuvia knows that you are only hers.

Nadia who only relaxes after she's left tons of hickies around your body, some visible and some not. The best feeling in the world is when you are bathing together, with her tracing every single mark she's left.

---

Muriel who at first ignored it. It wasn't like that. You weren't like that. No reason to be jealous, right?

Muriel who tried to keep ignoring it. But you left the hut way too many times, way too often, just to hang out with them. He can't even remember if you were ever so excited to hang out with him.

Muriel who realized every line has been crossed once you bailed on him for dinner, when he was making your favorite. That was it. You didn't want him anymore. He was just too boring for you. Or so, he thought.

Muriel who wanted to leave the hut for good once you walked in. Of course, you didn't want him to leave (plus you didn't understand why he was doing it) so the both of you had some explaining to do.

Muriel who grumbles very deeply as you lay nude on his bare chest, covered by the soft furs. It all ended alright, and the both of you finally realized that all you want is each other.

---

Portia who's wants to tell you how she feels, but is also scared to. What if you think that she's possesive or being clingy? No, no, it was better to not tell you.

Portia who always pouts and frowns when you go out with them, but never says a single thing. Secretly she'll mumble to herself something like: "You could've gone on a date with me instead.."

Portia who's already sick and tired of this, she feels like it's becoming an issue between you two. She became so desparate that she even asked Ilya for advice. Not even Nadia could help her with this one.

Portia, who started crying the second she tried to tell you what was going on. It hurt her too much, to even think that you'd ever love anyone else other than her.

Portia now safely laying curled to your side, understood that you loved only her. All it took was some loving caresses and sloppy kisses, and she realized all of your heart belongs to just her.

---

Lucio who acts like it doesn't bother him, but in reality, it really does. He doesn't want anybody else having you, or god, even looking at you. But would he ever say that? No.

Lucio who doesn't know how to deal with it, since he doesn't have your full attention for the very first time. Maybe he should trying being nicer? Or less whiny-ier? Nah, that's not Lucio's style.

Lucio, who makes the stupidest mistake in the whole world and tries to make you jealous back, by hanging on to some foreign princess' waist at a ball. When you saw this, you got mad at him and left, not understanding why he did this.

Lucio who realized he fucked up, so he chased after you yelling "Please, wait, I'll explain!". And when you do give him the chance to explain himself, he swallows that great big pride of his and says how jealous he's really been.

Lucio who's looking at you with heart eyes, with his metal hand caressing your bare waist and back. You run a hand through his hair as he pulls you closer, realizing that there was no reason for jealousy at all.

---

That's all! Thank's for reading! Love you!!

[consul-valerius]

Apprenticember Day 3: Donna and The Main Six (or.... my version of the main six LOL)

Give a short summary of their relationship to the other main characters!

This is going to get long because I can't shut up, thank you for bearing with me besties lmao

Nadia

Donna and Nadia are very close, with Donna acting as one of Nadia’s confidants prior to the game. They initially became close when Donna began working at the palace; Nadia instantly empathized with Donna’s culture shock of what life in the palace was like in Vesuvia, and she felt the need to be a source of comfort and support for them (which got physical pretty quickly lol). This blossomed into genuine feelings developing between the two that is hard to define strictly. In some continuities, Donna and Nadia (and Valerius lol) enter a full-fledged romantic relationship, and in others (such as Damien’s timeline), the lines are much blurrier and lean more platonic for them

Portia

BRAT TO BRAT, SWITCH TO SWITCH ENERGY BABY!! After the game's events, Portia is one of Donna’s closest friends. They both instantly related to one another’s needs to prove themselves, to be the heroes of their own stories, despite everyone doubting them. Honestly, it’s the lack of any prior history that makes Donna and Portia’s relationship so special. Portia has no grand idea of Donna that she is still holding onto: she’s been there since their new “beginning” and sees them for the person they are now. 

Asra

Boy are these two complicated LMAO Asra and Donna adore one another, but after their death and revival, their relationship is permanently damaged. Prior to the game, the two were normally joined at the hip, and while there were some one-sided romantic feelings from Asra, he never let them interfere in their friendship, even when Donna dated guys Asra really didn’t approve of (cough cough, Sam and Valerius, cough cough). Things started to go downhill when Donna began working at the palace, and their relationship was effectively nuked when Donna died.

To put it plainly: Donna doesn’t know what to think of Asra after the events of the game. They love him dearly, but there will always be a sense of distrust and resentment over what he has done. They feel like they should be kinder to him and that they literally owe him their life, but there is a sense of violation over them having no say in their own death that they cannot quite verbalize to anyone. It feels like something was robbed from them, but they feel guilty for thinking that way at all.  

Julian

Julian and Donna were close during the plague and used one another as sources of comfort while working with Valdemar. However, neither have very solid memories of this, but after the game’s events, simply remain very good friends who enjoy nerding out together lol Afternoons spent pouring over books together before getting black out at the Rowdy Raven are some of their favorite times together (and neither are very good wingmen for each other but man do they try lmao)

Muriel

Donna didn’t have a relationship with Muriel until after their revivial, and even then, they never remembered the times Muriel would take care of them when Asra was gone. After the game, however, they do begin to form a bond. Both Muriel and Donna have PTSD, and while more and more of Donna’s memories come back to them, they have a harder time managing it (even harder than before their death, as now they have a whole new layer of trauma to deal with lol). Muriel really begins to stand in as a figure who can not just relate to Donna but he was deeply realistic and blunt with them about it, which is exactly what they needed.

They didn’t want to hear about how there would be better days and that their feelings were valid: they wanted to hear “this sucks—let’s go eat because I know you haven’t.” Sometimes Donna can be a bit too much for Muriel, so while they don’t see one another as often prior to Damien being born, their interactions are always positive and deeply meaningful for Donna. 

Valerius

I’M INCLUDING HIM BECAUSE HE’S THEIR LI AND I FUCKING CAN GDFIHGDIFHG but this is just another reminder that they’re gross and in love LMAO and Valerius is deeply appreciative of all the new connections he would have never made if Donna wasn’t in their life. They often are a bridge for him to let his true personality show to others, and they give him more confidence to be real and not always play noble mind games with others lol

[wanderingwriter87]

god its just,,,, do you ever think about how the level of intimacy that garak and julian have by the end of the show is so intense. even if you take canon depiction VERY seriously and assume they didn't have many offscreen interactions that were substantially different from what we see onscreen, and that they seemed to grow apart in the last two seasons, they are just!!!! like, they obviously desire each other Sexually (TM) but there's a point at which it doesn't feel like sex would actually be much of an upgrade intimacy-wise. they are so close. they are already physically comfortable being in each other's space. and of course there's "by inferno's light" but i can't get into that again or i'll go feral. but like, the way they are just? so? connected????

i really like fics where julian still demonstrates his intentions in post-canon cardassia through some kind of elaborate cardassian courtship ritual because i think it is something he would do, he's very extra and garak loves that about him. i also really like the ones where they keep getting their signals crossed or drama gets in the way but when things finally align, one of them storms in and kicks the door shut and slams the other one into the wall and they go absolutely feral on each other. these are both EXTREMELY VALID.

BUT ALSO? i have a real appreciation for them just sort of letting the familiarity and closeness they very clearly already feel slide into more physical intimacy, because there is simply no reason why it shouldn't, there is no reason to draw create these artificial barriers. garak is canonically very tactile with him and despite having this sort of buttoned-up persona, or perhaps BECAUSE of it, i think this kind of thing can really work for him. how many times did they share a bed or a cot, realistically, that we weren't shown on tv because of rick berman? whomst the fuck else would bashir REALLY be sharing with in the prison camp after garak gets there? (ok, martok probably, but still). what about in rocks & shoals? what about on the defiant? come on. they have quite literally slept together, you cannot convince me otherwise. and then, and then, you know, hands wander.

like to an extent, with the "courtly love" headcanon that i've often espoused, it does make sense that they would enforce some kind of boundary with each other when it comes to prolonged close physical contact like that. and that's where my love of the other two types of "getting together" fics comes in - because it makes sense they have been denying themselves this intimacy even though they are literally so intimate already. because it felt like too much. it still feels like A Step that needs to be negotiated.

but i also love, LOVE thinking about a version of their relationship where it simply happens because they are simply each other's Person and nobody else gets me like he gets me and i trust him even though i shouldn't and gives me little gifts and sees me off at the docking bay and i read EVERY SINGLE AWFUL BOOK he recommends me and i know he's hiding something, probably something important, but when he smiles i smile even if i don't want to because he's just! him! so obviously as some point there's just, a playful whisper, lips on the neck, lips on lips, whoopsy daisy didn't mean to turn you on but as long as we're here ;) soft laughing and gentle teasing and a slow tumble into something new that feels perfectly right, like they were always meant to end up here.

sorry to be sappy on main i am just having a time.

[flowercrown-bard]

I wrote this months ago and have no recollection of it. I think it vaguely follows a typical horse girl movie plot. this is too long to be called brainstorming but that’s basically what it is, so idk if this counts as fic

It takes a special horse to be a witcher’s companion. They need to be strong, unafraid and most of all loyal. When the instructors at Kaer Morhen first started breeding horses for future witchers, they allowed the trainees to bond with them. They soon changed their mind about that. They decided that they don't want the boys to bond with the horses just in case the boy doesn't make it through the trials, because then they would have to get through the struggle of making the horse loyal to a new master.

But Geralt, of course, sneaks away at night and goes to the stables. He's there when Roach gets born and at first the person helping with the birth wants to send him away but then Geralt turns out to be really good at calming down the mother horse, so he gets to stay.

From then on, he always sneaks away to see how Roach is doing. Vesemir is the first one to notice. He considers telling Geralt off, but he sees how happy Geralt is when he's with the horses and how it really helps him deal with everything. It quickly becomes apparent that Roach will only let Geralt come near her, much to the dismay of the other instructors, who are training the horses. Geralt pretends that he isn't really happy that Roach likes him like that.

And she also is really good at knowing whose trustworthy. She lets Eskel pet her. She almost bites off some mean instructor's fingers. That instructor throws a fit and says that Roach is too stubborn and will never be a good witcher's horse and that if she continues to behave like that, they won't keep her.

So Geralt does what he does best. He sneaks into the stables at night, takes Roach and runs away with her. He's never rode on her before - no one has, and the way down the mountain is dangerous. He does his best, but he’s still just a scared boy and eventually, he falls off and hurts himself. And Roach - Roach leaves him.

Geralt is lying there, alone and in pain, and damn it, all he wanted was for Roach - his only friend besides Eskel - to be safe. And now she's gone. This mountain is dangerous. There are monsters here. Roach being on her own will get her in danger, but Geralt can't move to search for her. He wishes Eskel were here. He wishes he had never snuck into the stables that first night.

Days later, Geralt hears something that makes his heart beat faster in his chest. Neighing. It's Roach!

And with her is some boy wearing clothes that are definitely not made to be worn in the woods. He looks odd. Out of place. He keeps complaining about how Roach is ruining his doublet by biting into it and dragging him forward. But when his eyes land on Geralt, all complaints stop. He rushes forward to help him.

The boy says his name is Julian and Geralt says the name doesn't fit him. The boy shrugs, and grins at Geralt.

It turns out Geralt had almost made it down the mountain when he fell and it's not that far from Julian's home. Julian offers to take him there to have a healer look at Geralt's injury.

Geralt shouldn't go with him. He isn't stupid and though he and Eskel often get into trouble, he does listen to the lessons he's being thought. He knows that how humans react to witchers. But Geralt is not a witcher yet, it's still abut a year until his trials and maybe the boy doesn't know that Geralt is training to become a witcher? Besides, Roach brought him here and if she likes him, he must be trustworthy.

The boy helps Geralt get onto Roach's back. Julian marvels at her strength when Geralt says that she can easily carry them both. It makes Geralt strangely proud that Julian likes Roach. Geralt has never been outside of Kaer Morhen since he'd been brought there. He doesn't know where they are going, but he assumes that Julian is going to bring him to some small cabin, like the one Geralt used to live in with his mother.

He doesn't. Instead he brings him to a large estate that screams that important people live there. Somehow it's more imposing to Geralt than the towering walls of Kaer Morhen.

The first thing Julian does when they get there, is make sure Roach has a nice place at the stables - he's seen how important the horse is to Geralt and it warms Geralt's heart that he cares about that. The second thing he does, is making sure that a healer will see to Geralt. The third thing, is fiddling nervously with his fingers as he gets yelled at by his father for sneaking away.

Geralt is in a different room and he doesn't have his witcher hearing yet, but he doesn't need it to make out that Julian is in trouble. He wants to protect him. He wants to make sure he doesn't get yelled at anymore. He's not sure why.

After he's healed, Geralt seeks out Julian. To thank him. To make sure he's alright. He's afraid the boy who he met in the woods will be gone and replaced by some hollow husk, the perfect son and viscount.

He didn't have to worry. As soon as Julian sees Geralt, the mask of polite sovereignity falls off and he breaks into the biggest grin, hugging Geralt close, telling him that he's happy to see him feeling better.

Geralt knows that he should go back to Kaer Morhen. But it's really nice talking to someone his age who doesn't have the trials looming over him. Julian laughs loudly when it's just the two of them and when he notices Geralt going quiet and withdrawing, he sings silly songs that he's heard some servants sing while they're working, to cheer Geralt up. It's working.

They don't really meet during the day. Geralt refuses to say where he's from and the healer says that maybe he doesn't remember, if he's hit his head while falling off the horse. Geralt doesn't correct her. Instead he gladly accepts it when Julian's father tells him to go work in the stables. It's probably meant to be demeaning work, but Geralt loves it and it means he gets to spend most of his time with Roach.

As unlikely as it seems from how carefree Julian is behaving around Geralt, he does have a lot of pressure on him. So they sneak to the stables at night to talk, lying there in the hay and stroking the horses necks. It's nice. It's companionable. It's somehow really different than how it's always been with Eskel.

Geralt misses Eskel. But he also wants to stay here with Julian, away from the hard training and the fear of what's to come. He wishes he could talk about that fear. But Julian still doesn't know who and what Geralt is and he can't risk seeing him react the same way his instructors always told him people would react. He's seen the looks of the older boys - the new witchers - a fter they returned from their first year on the path. He's seen what that rejection and disgust they are shown can do to them.

So he forces himself to think about other things, talk about other things.he starts suggesting better names for Julian. His suggestions are all terrible, but they make Julian laugh and that makes something soft and fuzzy bloom in Geralt's chest. He wants to be the reason for Julian's laughter again, so he suggests that from now on he should call himself Roach.

Julian shoves him playfully. Geralt could have easily evaded him, but he let himself be pushed, if only to see Jaskier's eyes crinkle in mirth. He draws the line though when Julian shoots back by saying that Geralt should give himself a different name too. Something terribly long and pretentious. Geralt can't even remember half of that name, only That Julian started giggling when he csmr to the end, "du Haute-Bellegarde". Geralt hates that name but he loves how Julian looked while saying it.

When Julian starts yawning and putting his head on Geralt's shoulder, he knows he should tell him to go to bed. Julian shouldn't have to sleep on the pricking hay and stink of stable. (it's a smell Geralt had come to associate with safety and happiness, but a viscount probably shouldn't smell like that)

But Geralt doesn't so much as poke him to get him to get up. He just lies therey keeping as still as he can and let's Julian snuggle into him. Eventually, they both fall asleep like that.

When they leave the stables the next morning, Geralt plucks some hay from Jaskier's hair. He replaces it with a single buttercup he plucks from the ground outside.

Julian beams at him and Geralt wants to remember that moment forever.

He can't.

Not long after Julian is gone back inside the estate to continue with his lessons, there's mutterings and a strange tense ess in the air. It doesn't take long to find out why.

People say there's a witcher at Lettenhove. For a moment, Geralt is afraid that someone has somehow figured out who he is, but then he sees Vesemir, sees him scowling at him sternly. Vesemir tells him to come back to Kaer Morhen.

Geralt doesn't want to. He wants to stay with Julian, spend his nights with him talking about everything and nothing. He wants to tend to the horses and watch Julian's face light up with fondness when Geralt talkes about Roach.

But Eskel is still at Kaer Morhen and he's worried about Geralt. It's not long till the trials and Geralt had promised Eskel that they would both make it through alive. He can't let Eskel go through them on his own.

He comes with Vesemir without complaining. He wants to say goodbye to Julian, but he knows that then he'd have to explain and he'd rather remember Julian the way he had been this morning, blinking up at Geralt and grunting softly as he loosened his embrace around him. So Geralt leaves without telling Julian that he's going or where he's going. But he does leave a single buttercup where at the place in the stables where they always met.

Once Vesemir and Geralt make it back to Kaer Morhen, Eskel gives him a long hug. It's nice. Geralt had missed those hugs, but he finds himself wishing he was hugging someone else.

Geralt gets punished for running away. Eskel is there for him afterwards. He tries to coax him into talking about it. Geralt knows, Eskel just wants to comfort him and that he can't do that without knowing what Geralt is mourning. Geralt doesn't tell him. Not until after the trials. But by then it's already to late. Geralt's eyes are inhuman and his hair has turned white and he knows beyond the shadow of a doubt that whatever hope he has had about seeing Julian again, it's gone now.

Eskel still comforts him. Even that comfort doesn't last. They are told to go on the path and that means that they might not see each other again either.

As foolish as it is, the first thing Geralt does when he leaves Kaer Morhen, is go to that viscounty at the foot of the mountain.

He keeps his hood up and doesn't give his real name, when he's asked at the gates who he is. He says his name is Eric du Haute-Bellegarde. The guards let him in, but it's of no use. As much as he searches, Julian isn't there anymore. There are rumors about a scandal. They say Julian ran away with the stable hand months ago.

Hearing this life that could have been Geralt's makes something ugly twist in his chest. Even uglier is the realisation that he has no idea where Julian is. He tries to tell himself that it's better this way. That at least like this Julian doesn't have to see him and draw back in fear at what he's become or not recognise him at all.

But Geralt is not as naive as he had been months ago. He now knows better than running away in the dead of night. He knows that there are monsters out there and that travelling alone might as well be a death sentence for anyone who isn't a witcher.

He tries not to think about Julian again, about what might have happened to him.

He doesn't succeed. He still misses him, every day. He wishes, he had explained why he had left. He wished he had at least said goodbye. He wishes he could protect Julian as he had wants to since that first night he had spend in Lettenhove. He wishes he could still have Julian here with him, to laugh with him, to listen to his ridiculous songs and feel his soft touch as he hugged him close.

Witchers shouldn't wish for the impossible. So he forced those thoughts from his mind as best he can, replaces them with hunts and heartbreak.

He tries to stay away from people as best he can. The thing is, Roach has always been smarter than him when it comes to people. And as unlikely as it seems, she has always been more stubborn than him as well.

It shouldn't come as a surprise to him, when one day, decades later, Roach decides to head towards some small tavern in Lower Posada instead of taking the road Geralt ties to steer her towards.

It really shouldn't come as a surprise that the second time he meets Julian is because of Roach. After all, she had always known who to trust and as much as Geralt always tries to take care of her, she does take care of him as well. And she is sure, that his happiness comes in the form of a blue eyed man who manages to make Geralt laugh and who doesn't shy away from approaching him, despite the white hair, despite now knowing without a doubt what Geralt is. A man, who named himself after a flower he had once received from Geralt.