#I think the sketch took like 30 minutes??? idk though

[hitsuackerman]

What in the World? (Akaashi Keiji x Reader) pt.12

a/n: it begins >:)

Akaashi’s lineup: @alluring-akaashi @oikawalmart-hq @extrasugafree @bbykiyoomi @apricotjihyo @awings @simpformiya @sayakaaaaaa @colorseeingchick @demursv1ogs​ @chrisrue15 @beanst0ck @something-that-idk (i have no idea why i can’t tag some of you :( huhu )

links: part 1, part 2, part 3, part 4, part 5, part 6, part 7, part 8, part 9, part 10, part 11, part 13

Time flew by so fast in this dimension. Now that you were well adjusted and loving the new life here, it had not dawned on you that 7 months had already passed. Things were moving smoothly and pleasantly.

“Here you go.” Akaashi handed you a snack bar. The two of you (well maybe three if Bokuto is included) were practically inseparable. The team had finally managed to pin the both of you down and confirm that you two were indeed dating. “Did you sleep well?”

Walking to school was still a thing both of you did. Except this time, fingers were intertwined and barely any distance between the both of you. The only time you two let go was when the school gates were near. Still, walking down the hallways, Akaashi made sure to always brush his fingers with yours.

“I did!” You pulled him in to kiss his cheek. The small smile he gave you still made your stomach butterflies flutter. “I did have a weird dream last night. You and Bokuto-san switched personalities. Seeing you do his ‘HEY HEY HEY’ was just so wrong on all levels.”

“Is there a quirk that can do that?”

At this point in time, you barely relied on your quirk. The feeling of accomplishing things without it’s aid was much more satisfying. Of course, Akaashi still reaped its healing benefits and took note of how his stamina had improved.

“High chances. If we can have a washing machine as a pro-hero, then there’s bound to be a quirk swapping quirk.”

“A washing machine?” He brushed his thumb on the corner of your lip to wipe off a crumb. “Even now, your world still surprises me.”

“It’s great if you hear it.” Leaning on his shoulder, you tightened your hold on his hand. “Living in it is a completely different story. It’s been, what, 7 months since I arrived here and I am more than content with not having to rely on my quirk.”

“What about your combat skills? Shouldn’t you still be sharpening them?”

“I wish I could.” That was true, though. “I’m pretty much useless at 30%. Even if I wanted to lift boulders or shit, I have to maintain at least 40%. The difference is small but the output is huge. I don’t get my quirk’s logic.”

“Well, it’s still early.” The gates were now in sight but he refused to let go of your hand. “I’m pretty sure you can work on your quirk. The others won’t arrive within 30 minutes.”

“It’s been 5 months and you’re still curious to see how I fight?” You giggled.

“Yes.” He nodded. “If my girlfriend trained to be a hero, I’d love to see how you move.”

“Well, you made that sound sexy~” You nudged his elbow. “Think we can have a little action before we head to the gym?”

“It’s 6:30am, (y/n). It’s too early for that.” He teased. Yet his steps were a little faster than before. “But, I guess I can’t oppose the idea.”

The next thing you knew, your back hit the wall as Akaashi hungrily kissed you. With your legs wrapped around his waist, your fingers found themselves coming through his hair. Pinning you even more, Akaashi’s hand undid your ribbon and unbuttoned the first two. Letting go of your lips, he trailed kisses from your cheek down to the crook of your neck.

As he was softly sucking on your skin, you loosened his tie and undid the two buttons as well. Tugging his hair, you were face to face with him again. Lust filled eyes staring back into yours. Leaning in, you gently kissed his lips before returning the favor. Activating your quirk, Akaashi felt his feet leave the ground. Knowing what you were about to do, he could feel you turning the both of you around.

Skillfully placing the both of you on the floor, Akaashi leaned on the wall as his hands began to roam higher and higher up your skirt. Having you straddle him this early in the morning was rather pleasant in all aspects. Tilting his head a bit, he gave you much easier access and felt you sucking on his skin a little harsher this time.

“Make sure it’s hidden under the collar.” He managed to whisper. Hickeys were a common thing to have both your bodies. He smirked at how your only response was a nod.

Caressing your cheek, he admired the way your face glowed even more. Pulling you in softly for another kiss, he felt his stomach fluttering when you smiled.

“We should probably head to the lockers now.”

“Fine.”

“We can continue this in my room later.” He whispered before kissing you deeply.

“Counting the hours~”

Moments later, you were now pumping air into some volleyballs. Morning practice for today would only take an hour so there was plenty of time to freshen up before the homeroom. Now that the gym was packed with your boys, you rolled out the volleyball cart and positioned it beside the net.

Everyone was now used to having you as a ball girl. In fact, some of them even tried to challenge you by purposely hitting the ball too hard or too low. With your hero training, it was nothing but a walk in the park. You did notice, however, that your body began to sweat a bit more. The after effects of not using your quirk for a long time was showing.

Nothing bad happens, though. Just panting and sweating.

“Aghkaashe!” Bokuto yelled. “Can you and (y/n)-chan help with my math later?”

“I don’t mind. What about you, (y/n)?”

“Sure thing~” You approached your two favorite boys. “Bokuto-senpai, how well did you do on your previous quiz?”

The captain’s golden eyes sparkled.

“HAHAHA! Thanks to you both, I managed to get a 32/50! Whatdya think?!” He punched the air and grinned widely. When the both of you applauded he began to jump up and down while shouting his trademark.

“Calm down, Bokuto-san.” Akaashi tried to stop him from jumping up and down. His friend obeyed and gave a cheeky thumbs up.

“God, I love you both so much~” You giggled at their exchange.

“But you love Ahkaashi more, don’t you (y/n)-chan?” Bokuto added as he shouldered Akaashi. This time, his deadpan face was holding a soft smile.

“Of course!”

When Konoha’s alarm sounded, each of you began to clean up and prepare for the rest of the day. With how often you did it, it had now become second nature to you. Yukie and Kaori even admitted that you adapted much faster than they had anticipated. Once all of you were now freshened up, the gym was locked once more and each player looked forward for the after school practice.

“Exams are approaching.” Akaashi said as he let you step into the classroom first. “Have you prepared your notes?”

“I did. But, you do remember that the subjects you have here are way too easy for me, right?” Placing your bag on your desk, you took a seat and faced Akaashi. “Shall we study in your room or mine?”

“we can take turns.” Now that he was seated, he fished out one of his notebooks and placed it on his desk. Not that it was needed, it merely became one of his habits. Watching as you dragged your chair closer to him, he offered you a pen and flipped the notebook open.

“So, what do you want me to draw?” This had become one of your recent traditions. Before the start of homeroom, Akaashi noticed how you liked to doodle on his notebooks. Deciding that a special one was needed, he took the liberty of buying a blank journal for you to fill with whatever it is you saw fit.

“Hmm, I recall you saying that you designed your own hero costume.” He saw how your eyes lit up. “May i see what it looked like?”

Starting the sketch, you began to draw a figure and dressed it with your costume.

“So, my costume isn’t flashy unlike the others.” You explained. “A quirk like mine doesn’t really need a lot of support items so I went with mobility and comfort. I decided that simplicity was key. Just the normal jacket, shirt, pants, and boots. The only support item I had were my gloves.”

Sketching your gloves, Akaashi couldn’t help but adore just how focused you were. Tucking in a loose strand of hair, he felt the butterflies in his stomach churning once again as the corners of your mouth formed a smile and your cheeks turning a faint hue of pink.

“What do your gloves do?” They looked like standard fingerless gloves.

“The material was specifically designed to aid in manipulating my quirk. It concentrates the energy I release and wraps around my hand. Sorta like a human torch~” It was a bit difficult to explain how it worked knowing you didn’t listen to the man who gave you the item. As long as it aided you, it was fine.

“What were Todoroki-kun’s support items?”

“Shoto’s support items were mostly temperature regulators. Wristbands and a big one he wears like a backpack to help even him out.” You drew his support items rather well.

“Can you try to sketch Todorki-kun’s face?” Letting you draw your friends was something he wasn’t so comfortable with. Not for that reason of course. He merely assumed that it would be a sensitive topic knowing the circumstances of how you arrived in his world. When you giggled, he tilted his head.

“About time you asked~” Beginning to draw your childhood friend, you continued. “I honestly wouldn’t mind drawing my friends for you, ya know? There’s no way I can introduce you to them so sketching them would be the best alternative.”

“I’m sorry.” He held on to your free hand. “I just didn’t want to make you uncomfy.”

“You never make me uncomfy. Keiji~”

It was a quick sketch of half and half but a good one. He squinted his eye when he took note of the scar. He had heard of Tokoyami and Mina, but this one merely showed a boy about his age with a nasty burn on his face.

“Shoto’s got one helluva back story.” Your thumb began to brush Akaashi’s knuckles. “That scar was given to him by his mum when he was around 5 or 6 years old. It’s sad but he grew to accept it and is now healing.”

“You were engaged before, right?”

“For a while, yeah.” You handed him back the pen and closed the sketchpad. The bell had now rung and right on time, the teacher entered the room. Just as she was relaying a message, you were rummaging in your bag for a notebook.

“Please introduce yourselves~” The teacher said.

“Bakugo Katsuki”

“Midoriya Izuku.”

- - - - -

a/n: sooo... what yall gonna do now? :’)

[lethendralis-paints]

Artist Meme

Was tagged to answer this set of interesting questions by @kourvo​

(original post is here: https://kourvo.tumblr.com/post/621355098110640128/artist-meme

Thank you so much for that!

Let’s see....

1) What is the character you've drawn the most (Can be original or fanart)

This precious boy. I can never get enough of him. One of the most compelling characters I have ever come across. Love everything about Fenris and can relate to him on so many levels!

2. What colour do you often use? 

Gray and brown are my faves. And all other colours have the same chance of appearing in my artwork :D

3. Any colour you are bad at using?

I don’t think so...I love them all, even the pinks and yellows people usually find hard to incorporate into a colour palette. Tell me in the comments if I’m wrong :)

4. When drawing people, where do you start? 

Funnily enough - either with the front of the hairline or with the left eyebrow. Don’t ask me, why - I don’t know myself.

5. What is a character only your eraser will love?

Hmmmm...any sort of villainous character. I can’t draw evil people convincingly. I’m a huge softy at heart.

6. Which of your works took the longest time? 

Big scale commission I did for @pikapeppa​, featuring all the Inquisition companions, along with Fenris, Rynne and Carver Hawke. That one took almost 3 weeks, due to its sheer scope and my relative lack of experience in such large works. Pika was extremely patient with me though, for that I am eternally thankful!

7. What techniques do you use when you want to improve in drawing? 

Classical art studies. Varying my technique, themes I choose and software I use. I try to experiment and go outside my comfort zone often.

8. What do you think of the art of the person who gave you this ask meme? 

I adore Lillymon’s technical skill, refined style and limited colours! She is a huge inspiration for me!

9. What art tools/media are you good with? 

DrawPile, Photoshop, graphite pencils and liners. That’s about it :)

10. Art tools/media you are bad at? 

Traditional paints. I have no formal artistic education and my lack of knowledge comes to the forefront whenever I have to paint on a real canvas. It’s so much trial and error, you can’t even imagine....

11. What do you think about your own art? 

Lately it’s one of the last few things that were bringing me joy. I hope I won’t lose the passion for it. Because at this point I’m not sure I’ll be able to find some occupation I will be genuinely interested in and good at it. I don’t know if me gravitating towards moody fantasy art speaks about my fear of facing reality. If so, idk what to do with that. I do hope to develop my skills and being able to support myself financially as an artist.

12. Do you consult references for your drawings? 

Yes. A lot of them. Anatomical atlases, schemes for both academic and manga art, photographs found online and taken on my own, copying colour palettes from classical art - anything goes. I think it’s essential to develop your technical skill.

13. What do you like about your art? 

Lately - consistency, both in terms of produced results and in sticking to the timelines I set to myself. I hope this lasts. I would also like to branch out to other themes and not confine myself to quirky fantasy characters, so I’m working on developing my own story behind the scenes (spoilers) :P

14. What habits do you have while drawing?

Only the bad ones, lol. Hunching forward in front of the screen, forgetting to eat, drink and letting my eyes rest. Tilting my head to the side instead of rotating the canvas....I’m an idiot XD

15. Are you good at drawing faces facing right? 

I think that’s the thing I’m good at!

16. How frequently do you draw? 

For the last 1,5 years - almost every day without fail, for good or ill.

17. What do you do when you have artist's block? 

Change occupation and work myself into a depressed state. I changed work places in the last few years a lot, working as an interior designer, draftsman, textile designer, a cook, a bartender to name a few.

18. What must you have when you draw? 

No commotion around me and a cup of some hot beverage.

19. Do you have a lot of stray lines (messy lineart)? 

In the starting stage of my work process - yes, like you wouldn’t believe! If it’s a personal doodle, I sometimes just leave in as am under layer and draw clean lines on top of that mess. It looks cool in a way.

20. What is drawing to you?

An essential part of what helped me to retain my sanity in the last year and a half. Hopefully a lasting profession that will help me pay bills and survive on my own, if my life falls apart entirely later.

21. Your art goal from now on? 

Broaden the themes I depict, improve my technical skill, work on personal creative project and not only fan arts. And most of all - not giving up on it this time.

22. Artists you've had influence from? 

To name a few: @kallielef​ @kourvo​ @shayafury​ @fairsparrow​ who I met here on Tumblr, and many others who I follow and zealously study their works for clues on how to improve my own work.

23. Artists you like? 

I am following them all either here or on Instagram, I also do my best to share their works on my side blog!

24. Which is easier to draw, humans or animals? 

It was animals earlier. But now that I started to diligently study human anatomy, I would say it evened out! I’m quite confident drawing humans/humanoids now!

25. Show us an old drawing 

My first digital drawing from 2010 when I first bought my tablet!

26. What is the charm-point of your art?

I ummm....I don’t really get the question? Is that like the the strongest suit of me as an artist? Intense expressions maybe? Idk. Let me know in the comments :D

27. What is the first thing you would draw if we're talking about fantasy? 

Broody warriors, he-he

28. Please draw your most beloved character:

Here’s a sneak-peek of me drawing him right now! :D

29. When thinking of characters is it mostly female? male? or androgynous/no sex? 

I usually gravitate towards depicting strong-willed, caring, passionate, brave, honest men and women.

30. What did you draw yesterday? 

Started cleaning up that sketch from the last question, actually!

31. What is the funnest part to draw? 

A circle. Mostly because you’d die laughing seeing my struggle to draw a believable one XD

32. What part of other people's drawings do you notice first? 

colours, mood, eyes, hands.

33. Regarding backgrounds, what is your method of making it easier to draw? 

pick your favourite textured brush, find a good reference for mood and colour scheme, zoom out, squint your eyes and start slapping colours like mad. You’d be amazed at how much you’ll be able to achieve in 30 minutes with this approach. Bare white background is the enemy - destroy it! >:)

34. What colour coordinations do you like? 

Gray or brown as a main colour and then deep, earthy, saturated colours to complement the main one. Pink and orange is the combination I strangely enjoy using lately too.

35. What character did you last draw? Fenris and Eris :)

36. Does your style change easily? 

I don’t think so. More like it’s evolving slowly into something more serious and deliberate.

37. What part of drawing do you pay most attention to? 

Facial expression, body movement, mood and light effects. Not so much the composition and framing, he he.

38. How do you feel about drawing adult art? 

Tbh, I don’t consider straight up porn to be ‘adult’ exactly. To me adult art means aiming towards serious topics, exploring complex emotions and ideas, being honest with your viewer. I did doodle a few more steamy sketches of my OTP just to see if I could, but it was definitely a tongue-in-cheek kind of a artwork that I don’t take seriously.

39. Do you like criticism from others? 

If it’s friendly and in done in private - I welcome it always.

40. How many people do you normally draw per artwork? 

1 or 2. Rarely more. Crowded battle scenes are definitely not my thing :D

This was fun! Tagging forward to @shayafury​ @schoute​ @stella-minerva​ @nug-juggler​ @kallielef​ and anyone else wishing to go through such a long questionnaire!

[khushboodarfool]

I cannot make this stuff up

Today was a day for the books. 

We vaccinated 360 patients with Moderna COVID vaccine. I was so exhausted. apparently the memo that our hospital is giving is that we can vaccinate patients who have had COVID, as long as they are no longer symptomatic. The procedure is that we go to their cars garbed up in PPE (double masked, gown, face shield), and I ended up vaccinating 3 patients like this. One of the patients, had several really good questions but it took 30 minutes of us interacting. Then, when she felt comfortable vaccinating, she had a coughing fit and coughed really close to my face shield. She was masked, and I was appropriately garbed, but it still gave me a lot of anxiety. I came back in and threw away all of my PPE and washed my hands twice lol. I was so shook by the experience. I’ve interacted with several COVID patients at this point. But something about the way it was unexpected, and I was very close during the coughing fit was a bit jarring. If I wasn’t literally injecting the vaccine when this happened, I would have backed away and let her finish but I wasn’t able to.

Anyways, after I got a hold of myself (30 minutes), I started vaccinating more outpatients. I ended up looking at my phone while I was charting, and I saw that I had 6 missed calls from my childhood best friend. My heart sank because I literally thought someone died. I called her back to see what was going on, and the conversation was just so bizarre. She asked me if I was busy, and I told her kind offfffff, but it sounds like an emergency so tell me whats going on. Long and short of it, she told me that one of her colleagues told her she could leave her rotation early because nobody really notices for that particular rotation. So she took it one step further and didn’t come in for two days. The attending (or chief of staff?), ended up asking her if she was on that particular rotation because it sounds like news got out. Let me tell you, this woman is not one to play hookie, she’s the most studious, diligent, hardworking person I know so this SCREAMS burnout. But it doesn’t help that she was venting to someone who is also very burnt out, in the middle of getting slammed by patients. So I am sorry to admit, I was more confused than empathetic. While she was venting to me, my boss basically checked up on me to see what the hold up was for vaccinating, and I had to abruptly hang up. I felt super embarrassed because things are not good with me and my boss right now, and I feel like I looked sketch. 

So that whole thing started consuming my mind. I ultimately messaged her when I got home way later because she texted me saying “I feel dumb and stupid x.x i don’t think I would have done this if I wasn’t feeling down and depressed”. My heart sank reading that. We literally message everyday, and I had no idea she was struggling so much. I think its because of COVID and just the rigor of residency but I am also afraid that there is something deeper and she just didn’t tell me? I really want things to be better for her, and I would be so sad to know that she didn’t feel like she could tell me where she’s at for things to get so bad.

Okay, all of that happens. Some day right? But wait...its not over.

Security came up to me, and said “wow what a day, so thankful we’re done vaccinating!”, which was really awkward because I still had 2 doses left. We frantically got 2 patients at 5, and then it turns out another pharmacist also had 3 doses and didn’t tell anyone to rally for 3 more patients so we ended up wasting 3 doses today. Which kinda made me feel some type of way because why did I go through hell and back for these 2 patients even though we ended up wasting doses anyways SMH. But every dose counts, and atleast I was able to take responsibility for mine.

While I was waiting for these 2 patients to come, I started charting like my life depended on it. All of a sudden, one of the pharmacists came up to me and told me that EHR was down throughout the hospital (ofcourse it is when we have to chart 400 patients worth of vaccinations, that we had ZERO time to take care of between patients)  but the laptops still had access to EHR through WIFI somehow. So he asked me if he could use my laptop after I’m done, which made me feel bad because I knew it was going to be awhile. 

Thennn my technicians came up to me as they were leaving for the day. One of them said “Hey do you know what’s going on?” and I responded “uhhh EHR is down?”, and they both laughed and said “there is an active shooter in our city”. I think I was too exhausted to process this news at this time. I was literally like what else is new. That’s great. This is very weird btw because we live in a really rural area where violent crimes are SUPER rare. So I did what any insane burnt out pharmacist would do in my situation, I kept charting. Despite knowing about this shooter, multiple people were able to go home at 5. 

My patients came in, and as I was vaccinating my second patient. I saw security turn off all of the lights in the hospital. Then, all of a sudden on the intercom I hear “ATTENTION ATT - LOCKDOWN, LOCKDOWN, LOCKDOWN”. So I took my patient into the pharmacy (we have a booth set up outside of the pharmacy for COVID vaccines), and then we waited for the clear in the pharmacy. 

Apparently there were multiple active shooters (3 that we know of with rifles...could be more). 2 police officers got shot, and one got grazed. My close friend’s fiance is a cop. He is quarantining due to a COVID exposure, and they had to pull him back in because of this. So bizarre that tonight in our small town, there was an area surrounded by cops and apparently a helicopter (which idk where we got that from). 5.5 hours later and she just messaged me that it looks like everything is okay. I’m still holding my breath, I just want to make sure he makes it home okay. I didn’t realize how much I care about him and appreciate him until I got super emotional while praying for him. He has always been sweet and protective of me. He got me flowers after my car accident, and always gets me tools and gear because he’s just that kind of person. My friend is pregnant with his baby. I feel like this in aggregate is too much for one person to deal with. Not to mention, she works in the same toxic, COVID infested environment as me. 

I ended up talking to my man about all of this briefly and I feel like he just didn’t get the immensity of crazy and stress of this day. So I kind of got snippy and ultimately he decided to let me have a little moment and eat dinner alone (partly because I kinda asked him to), but idk it sucks to come home and feel misunderstood after a long day. I do feel bad because he was still listening to me ramble about the craziness, and I know work is crazy for him too. 

Gahh. I’ll try to call him and see if I can make amends. 

Here’s to hoping tomorrow will be better. 

[human-trash-fire]

Beautiful Disaster: Chapter 5 (Pynch Soulmate AU)

Alrighty my loves, this chapter has been a labor of love from the beginning. As you continue reading you will see art pieces and each is correlated with a song (those will be at the end), and references yet again will be made to the EMFS playlist (Ronan’s rehab playlist- I’ve actually made it on spotify! you can find it here)

As usual you can find this story on Ao3 @ glam_reaper 2 if you’re interested <3

TW: Mention of suicide attempt, a panic attack though not super descriptive, cannon typical language.

Iv.

You,

I made a friend last week.

I know for most people that wouldn’t be a big deal, but I assume by now You understand what that means for someone like me. I guess “friend” may be a generous term? I don’t know if we are there yet, Blue definitely disagrees with him “on principle.” 

You see, President Cellphone as she calls him, or Richard Campbell Gansey III (I know, what a douchey fucking name) is all boat shoes and privledge and perfect teeth. Gansey isn’t someone I’d normally associate with mind you, Henry kind of met my quota for rich extroverts in the inner circle, and yet…

So, here’s the story. I’m writing my last letter right? And I was so fucking lost. I decided to walk home from Nino’s- I thought maybe it would help me settle. And there, right around the corner is this fucking ‘73 camero. It should have been beautiful, really.. A classic like that? It’s a dream to look at. Only this fucking thing is the UGLIEST color of candy orange you could ever imagine… And it’s blowing smoke all over the damn place. I was honestly going to leave boat-shoes to call his daddy or mechanic or what have you, but he looked so confused. I offered to help him out and was able to get it running long enough to get to Boyd’s.

I expected him to just drop off “The Pig” (the car) like any normal person and come back for it, only I apparently made “quite the impression.”

Gansey ended up staying with me, prattling on about his Masters History program and some welsh king the ENTIRE time I worked on the damn car. At first I was tuning him out, but without realizing it I became completely entranced by the whole story. I’ve never seen such passion for anything, and I have VERY spirited friends.

He has one of those voices you know? The kind that can stop a room, raise an army, lead a nation. The kind that demands to be heard without ever having to raise itself.

That’s Gansey though.

I think he’ll be good for me, I don’t think he’d give me much of a choice in the matter though to be honest. He kind of adopted me this week? That should bother me and yet, being around him is just… It’s being included. It’s a sense of purpose.

I think he needs it too, he doesn’t seem to talk about negative things but you can tell, he’s haunted by something. That’s what solidified it for me really. He may be a senator’s son but he’s seen some shit. 

I wish you could have met him, I wonder if you would have been as intrigued by him as I find myself. 

Blue is being a total idiot about him, but I’m about 82% sure it’s because she is into him. I know for sure the feeling is mutual. It took Gans approximately 15 minutes after meeting Blue to ask me for her life story, offend her beyond measure, and then haul ass out of Nino’s. It was the first time I’d seriously laughed in so long. Have you ever been second-hand embarrassed for someone? It was that. 

I’m going to wrap this up now though, I need to head to Nino’s for my shift, Blue’s working so of course Gans is stopping by. He said he’s bringing one of his best friends with him, some dude named Noah. Apparently he’s pretty cool, so I’m moderately less apprehensive. He said he wished he could bring his other best friend/ his and Noah’s third roommate but the guy is staying with family for a few months or something. Idk? He doesn’t talk about the other roommate much. I honestly don’t even think he’s ever said his name. Who gives a shit though, I can barely handle one new friend, let alone a 3-pack of Ganseys. Good God… I hope Noah isn’t another Gansey…. Fuck.

Welp.

Here goes nothing.

*****

It started with a not-so-subtle idea from the esteemed Dr. Allen. “Show me what happened.” Ronan was never great with words before all this, and since… When he spoke it was usually a litany of curse words. So Dr. Allen had suggested art. In the weeks since his entombment in this fine rehabilitation center, Ronan had kind of already been doing what he was being asked to do now. Though, he didn’t mention it to Allen. He’d spent countless hours sketching his life, the whole thing, in snapshots inside that beautiful leather sketchbook Gansey had given him. 

He started at the beginning, pictures of Aurora and his brothers, the Barns, his father playing guitar by the fire. He drew their family vacations, the cows he used to sneak out and sleep beside when he was a child, the feeling of winning the Tennis State Championship when he was 15. He drew the bad things too, his nightmares, his drug-trips, that old stained couch in the basement of Kavinsky’s house. He put every piece of himself, all 22 years of memories down in that book, woven together with song lyrics in the margins. 

So when Dr. Allen asked him to look specifically to his addiction and create, he didn’t see a problem. He needed to return to school with a series anyways, Declan had called to inform him that strings had been pulled to allow him to finish his final semester at Georgetown, but he needed to walk in with something to show at the January exhibition. Two birds, and all that.

He settled on 7 pieces, each done in oils on canvas, each accompanied by a song. 7 moments in the life of his battle with addiction, from the beginning to now. With each stroke of his brush he felt infinesmally lighter, pouring his grief into the images before him. 

It started with “The Fall.” His father’s murder in reds and greys; fracturing lines and deep shadows. He mixed his paints with tears and used his heart to drag color across the canvas. For the first time in years, Ronan allowed the memory to consume him. He’d re-lived it plenty of times in his nightmares, but this was different. His hands shook, jagged strokes of anger and confusion bleeding through. He painted the brief moment, the final moment, when his world was whole before his teenage mind finally realized what it was he was looking at. His last free breath. And he painted his screams, the cacophony of pain, endlessly mixing with sirens until his vocal chords gave out. 

He drowned the canvas in un-kept promises and hung it out to dry with childhood dreams.

Then came “Chasing the Void.” It was a story told in stark lighting. High beams on a backroad, swirling smoke and broken bottles. It was white glasses and white-powder lines on shark-nosed hood. It was going 115mph, bones rattling with the beat of the bass in his sound system. Ronan painted a black tattoo, used the blood on his knuckles to tint bloodshot eyes. His brush moved with his mother’s disappointment and his brother’s anger. Whimsical lines and Gansey’s head shaking when he found Ronan passed out yet again. He painted the highs and lows when sobriety reminded him that he hated the face that stared back at him in the mirror. 

Each new piece he added to the collection was brought to Dr. Allen’s office. Together they worked through each memory associated with the piece and slowly Ronan felt the weight on his chest lighten. 

Gansey visited every Monday and Friday like clockwork. He kept Ronan apprised to all the goings on of Monmouth and updates on Matthew and Declan. Ronan never asked for them, but he appreciated it regardless. His current obsession though seemed to be a new friend, Adam something. He had been going on for 30 minutes now about how this man single-handedly raised the Pig from the dead. Ronan tuned out most of the conversation, but nodded at what he assumed were appropriate moments while sketching.

“Ronan, are you even paying attention?” Gansey asked, irritation only slightly evident.

“Mmm?” Ronan hummed. “For sure. Pig. Smoke. Some new guy.”

“Essentially. I was saying that Noah and I are heading to his second job, the man works 2 jobs and is getting a masters can you believe it? Anyways Nino’s, so Noah can finally meet him and Blue. Have I mentioned her yet?” 

Blue? He thought. Who the fuck names their kid Blue. “Once or twice.”

“Well they both work this afternoon, so I assume we’ll just hang there until they get off. Then maybe grab a bite. I wish you could come, I’m sure you’d get along nicely with Adam.” Gansey said, choosing to ignore the previous sarcasm and barrell on. Excelsior. 

“Doubt it.” Guy sounds like a douche.

“On that note, thank you for another lovely visit. I’ll see you Monday, Ronan.” Gansey gathered his coat and made his way to the door with a final wave.

Ronan waved back with a single finger and a saccharine “Bye, Dick.” Then shoved his Airpods back into his ears and lost himself in the EMFS playlist.

*****

As Adam gathered the tub of dirty dishes from above the trash and made his way back to wash them, he was lost in thought. These last two weeks, recent events, had been so much and yet he strangely was beginning to feel some semblance of peace. He knew that Blue had wanted him to write letters to help him cope. If he was admitting to it helping, he also needed to be honest with himself in noting that it may have been hurting just as much. He was falling in love with a ghost. A figment of his imagination that he could tell his every secret too, someone who listened without judgment; Someone who never asked more of him than he could handle. It wasn’t healthy, wasn’t what Blue had intended, of that he was sure. But, if it brought him peace and allowed him to sleep without seeing cold, dead eyes, then what was the harm?

He rinsed the mugs and plates loading them efficiently into the dishwasher, and dried his hands. As he moved to toss the towel into the bin, he heard the bell chime above the cafe door. He made his way slowly to the front, knowing that Blue was currently handling the register meant that he didn’t need to rush. On his way down the hallway he stopped to straighten a missing cat flier on the community bulletin board, taking a moment to snap a picture of the cat in question so he could be on the lookout, then continued toward the front; eyes glued to his phone.

He rounded the corner towards the coffee bar to the tune of laughter, it seemed Gansey had arrived. His eyes found Blue first. For all her insistance that she loathed the man in question, she was positively glowing, head tossed back in a hearty laugh. Lost in the bubble of charm Gansey operated in. 

“-And so I asked him, mind you I’ve had a lot to drink at this point, ‘Hey senator, why do you fucking hate poor peo-‘ Oh! Adam” Ganseys story of embarrassing his mother at one of her Republican fundraisers interrupted, as he caught sight of Adam sliding behind the bar.

“Hey Gans,” He smiled. 

“My apologies, this is Noah.” Gansey stepped to the side to reveal the man in question, and Adam’s breath stopped. 

There, eyes blue and wide with shock, mouth agape stood the man from the alley. The one whose scream still haunted Adam in the dark, solitary hours of sleep. The one that began his every nightmare of that night.

He was different now, tears weren’t pouring from his eyes to dance across the plains of his smudgey face. His blonde hair free of blood was slightly tousled, and his clothes were clean, albeit a little disheveled. 

“No,” the word was a broken noise, barely a word at all, closer to a sob. Gansey and Blue looked frantically between the two for what seemed like an eternity before Noah spoke.

“It’s you…” 

“Who? Noah, you know Adam?” Gansey’s voice was quietly confused.

Adam began to shake his head slowly, increasing with speed as his breath finally returned to him; Erratic and wild. Crocodile tears blurred his vision, and he finally croaked a simple question, “What… What was his name?”

“Ronan.”

“Oh, god” Blue breathed. 

Adam ran, desperately fleeing the scene and chorus of his name called from the front. Ronan, his name was Ronan. Adam couldn’t breathe. His pain fresh, an un-mendable wound reopened now that he had a name to grieve. He paused, only long enough to grab his messenger bag from the back, and took the alley door. 

Then he ran, faster than he’d ever remembered running. Tears turning the colors of the world around him to a haunting watercolor. His breath came in painful stabs, each beat of his bleeding heart an excruciating truth.

He somehow made it back to his apartment. The moment the door closed behind him he fell against it and slid to the floor. Ronan Ronan Ronan-

“R-Ronan.” He spoke the name the first time aloud, the feeling of its weight on his tongue was an answer to a question he’d been asking for a month. For a lifetime.

Adam didn’t know how long he sat on the floor, grief taking time and twisting it in on itself. An amalgam of pain, hopelessness, and questions. Gansey, Gansey knew Ronan, knew Noah. Noah the boy he’d last seen carted away in the back of an ambulance covered in red red red. Noah, who’d screamed for help like the world was shattering. Noah, who’d clung tightly to the shredded arms of a bleeding man in a dark alley.

Help me, his mind screamed, his internal voice morphing into Noah’s from that night. 

Help me, I’m not okay…

A key twisting in the lock above his head brought his attention to the present. Adam pushed away from the door, and waited as Blue made her way into his dark apartment. Night had fallen sometime since he’d been here, on the floor, lost in the alley. Lost in a name.

“Hey,” she whispered.

“Th-that was-”

“I know. Noah told us after you left. Adam, there’s… Adam. I need to tell you something.”

It was a concentrated effort to drag his gaze from the space between their bodies on the floor to meet her eyes. Lights from the street poured through the window in the living room, painting Blue’s honey warm skin in a haunting glow. He couldn’t bring himself to ask, so he waited. He watched. She brought a trembling hand to his, her brown eyes lined with silver, she squeezed.

“Adam, he’s alive.” 

A sob born of heartbreak and pain tore from his chest, he couldn’t form words. He broke then, completely and wholly. Blue came to cradle his head against her chest as he cried. Every hope he’d killed since the alley came barreling to the surface; All the pain and confusion, love and questions, beating like waves against the shores of his mind. Some minutes later he finally raised his head and met Blue’s eyes, her smile was wet and broken. He dragged his hand under his nose, across his eyes, and finally found the word to the question he needed to ask. “How?”

So Blue told him. Apparently, him finding Noah and Ronan in that alley, the tourniquet he’d made of his scarf, that extra minute he’d bought him had been enough. The doctors were able to stitch his wounds, and though it had been a close call, he’d pulled through. She explained that he’d had a hard life, though Gansey wouldn’t give details because he insisted those were Ronan’s to share when he was ready. He did however give her basic facts. Ronan Niall Lynch is an artist, a senior at Georgetown. He’s an orphan, and a brother. He’s an addict in recovery at a facility in Arlington, and Gansey’s third roommate. 

Blue explained that, when Adam was ready Gansey and Noah wanted to meet with him, to talk more. She offered to accompany him when that time came, but they all agreed they wouldn’t push him until he was ready. “Thank you,” he’d said to Blue. For getting the information. For telling him. For allowing him space. She understood that his history made this difficult, an addict for a soulmate was something he would need time to process. She eventually asked if he wanted to be alone and when he’d told her “yes” she kissed his forehead, and made her way to the door.

“Adam,” she paused, and he looked up. “We’ll wait on your text okay? Whenever you’re ready. But please check in so I know you’re safe.”

“I will.”

With a perfunctory nod she slid back out the door. 

Adam spent another minute in silence before dragging himself from the floor. He made his way in a daze to his desk and he collapsed into his chair. Slowly, he pulled out a blank sheet of paper. 

His hand shook.

He took a deep breath.

He wrote.

V

Ronan,

You’re alive…

**********************

Art Pieces and their correlating songs (linked):

“The Fall”  The War- SYML

“Chase The Void”  For What It’s Worth- Malia J

[richie-fuckface-tozier]

medicine - reddie wedding

the gay wedding we deserved as a head canon ! also, I was listening to the song medicine by the 1975 and realized how much it radiates reddie energy, so here, enjoy this reddie hc :

- basically fuck all that clown bs that bitch ain’t SHIT

- both Eddie and Stanley are alive? It’s canon Stephen king idk what you’re talking about

- basically Richie and Eddie are happy bitches and love each other so much and we just can’t thank Beverly enough for encouraging both Richie and Eddie to confess their life long feelings for another and Stan for practically exposing them for loving one another

- it went a little like this : they were all at dinner and alcohol was in their veins

- and Eddie and Richie are bickering (per usual)

- Richie pulls some dumb your mom joke again that basically makes no sense and Stan has had : enough for the night so he just says

- “oh god shut the fuck up richie we all know that you’re gay”

- “-actually, that you two are gay. Especially for one another.” He adds sassily.

- Beverly just stares at Stanley angrily because she kind of told him after both Eddie and Richie privately came to her and told her that they both have feelings for each other but Stan’s always speculated it

- obviously I mean

- how couldn’t you

- so richie and eddie are just dead silent alongside the other losers

- and then Richie just says “I’d prefer the term ‘bisexual’ but kudos to you for OUTING me, dickhead”

- Stans just like : 🤷🏻‍♀️

- and Eddie is, for once in his life, just quiet about it

- they don’t talk about it and bill changes the subject as soon as possible to talk and discuss about a new ending he had planned for a new book he’s writing

- in fact, that book is just straight up about 7 kids fighting a killer clown in the sewers and shit

- Bill had planned for him to get the girl, but Ben doesn’t approve (nor does Beverly, to be honest)

- Stans kind of pissed about it too because he gay

- anywho so Eddie sleeps over at Richie’s after

- and Richie knew it was going to get awkward as fuck but Eddie couldn’t help himself on the drive to his place and just shot it out

- “you have feelings for me to?”

- “I mean, you’re annoying as hell, but it’s cute-wait, what do you mean by ‘too’?”

- and Eddie just places his hand on Richie’s

- kudos to Eddie for making the first step ily babe

- still doesn’t mean he’s a top you fuckers

- “I like you, a lot”

- yup so they fuckin at the end of the night

- it’s cute tho cause they gay

- they start to passionately date and although it seems to annoy the fuck out of Stanley he’s so goddamn happy for the two for finally making it happen

- he’s been legit rooting for them since ‘89

- hardcore and first reddie shipper

- so like not long after Richie actually manages to get his grandmothers ring or something

- Eddie has tiny hands™️

- and after three months he already proposes and it’s so inappropriately adorable

- like, he had planned this whole romantic gesture when they travelled to Paris to support Beverly at her fashion show, and Richie was going to do it completely cliché under the stars at the Eiffel Tower

- turns out, he accidentally does it at one of his stand up comedy shows

- btw, a bitch is : famous

- cowrites and acts in some snl sketches and oml Eddie couldn’t be more proud of him

- so at one of his stand up shows, he’s talking about Eddie, something he usually does

- Eddie couldn’t be there for that show but he definitely watched it on tv

- richies also in a completely different state and he returns 3 days after that show

- so Richie says some shit along the lines “so, my boyfriends a bitch. But it’s okay, because soon, I’ll make him my bitch”

- he’s kind of unaware that Eddie’s seeing all of this

- “that sounds wrong, which it is, I can assure you that. But it’s okay, I love him, more than I love his mom”

- his fans love his mom jokes, especially because they know it’s about Eddie’s mom

- at some point he just lovingly but stupidly goes “fuck, man, sometimes I just look at him for like 30 minutes and think ‘shit, he likes me back’ and I watch him do these small noises while he sleeps and how he smiles when I gently touch his hair or when I kiss his forehead, and I watch him blush...and I’m just thinking ‘marry me, you bitch!’” He yelled and Eddie was kind of surprised, but his heart was fluttering so much

- especially when he saw the beautiful ring Richie showed to the crowd

- “so, yeah, I’m a dumbass. I was supposed to propose just a few weeks ago in Paris, you know, the usual cliché bullshit, but I forgot the ring back in LA! And then I was about to do it in a Taco Bell, you know, propose, but my hands were all greasy and I couldn’t even properly hold the steering wheel after that. And now-”

- he stopped, falling on one knee

- “I’m just gonna propose? On stage? Without him noticing?”

- yep Richie definitely had some drinks before that but Eddie couldn’t stop laughing and blushing and crying and ugh

- Richie starts pouring his heart and soul out but with humor obviously added and at some point he just repeats I love you like a hundred times over again and jumps around with his hyper ass

- people are enjoying this gay mess

- “should I say, will you marry me, eds? Or will you lawfully take me as your bitch?” He asked to the crowd and everyone had different answers, which just made him laugh.

- “he’ll complain about me calling him eds, so that could guarantee a no”

- he stopped about the proposing for a while and Eddie definitely had no proper sleep for the next 3 days

- Richie just comes home on a rainy night and Eddie’s already ready for bed, and when he answers the door he just jumps into Richie’s arms and kisses him oh so passionately

- “I do, Richie. I do. I want to be yours.” He whispered against his lips and for a second there Richie was completely confused but smiled and they both started crying and being in passionate love

- Stanley when he finds out, Jesus.

- stan has emotions? Hell yeah a whole LOT of them

- anyway back to the gay wedding

- so it’s the 20th of April

- yes, Richie chose that date and Eddie just thought it was a normal date without any meaning whatsoever

- man oh man was he wrong by the time the invites were sent

- Richie’s wearing a suit, a black one, it’s nice but casual and he took maybe 4 hours to choose the right one for the right one

- Eddie is wearing a white suit that so nice and soft and silky and he’s so in love with it

- and under Richie’s request, or well rather damand, he’s wearing a small veil with a small flower hair clip on the side of his hair (que, Stefon’s fairwell)

- Eddie is : panacking on their wedding day and Bill and Mike help him calm down as much as possible

- his inhaler won’t even help he’s a : mess

- Richie is pretty chill and everyone’s just like ??? what the fuck you’re marrying the love of your life today you dickwad and he’s just like “okay”

- but that all seems to change when Eddie walks down the eisle and Richie just gets so weak in the knees

- it’s like seeing him the first time

- btw, their first encounter was at the pharmacy of the summer of ‘86, richie tried contact lenses for the first time that summer and had to pick them up, but he stupidly forgot his glasses that day so he just ended up bumping through the entire store

- including Eddie

- Eddie was way too soft at that time and he just looked at him and helped him all the way to the counter and helped him get his prescription and fuck

- Richie could tell by his voice and his blurry vision that he saw an angel

- they had multiple classes together but Bill was the first one to really introduce him to the losers

- anyway Richie’s almost crying and Eddie is nearly having a heart attack

- but as soon as he arrives and everyone applauds, Richie just takes his hand to assure that he’s doing okay

- Richie is wearing contact lenses btw

- Eddie is so soft for that shit because he knows how deep Richie takes things and knows it’s about their first encounter

- Richie didn’t really think about that though until Eddie referenced it later and he’s like “yeah, uhhh, totallyyyyy” but he just didn’t want to wear his glasses on his wedding day

- especially because they broke the night before on his bachelor party

- don’t even ask unless you want a single hc for THAT

- they don’t even listen to the priest talking and just admire each other’s presence

- Richie doesn’t even hear him say “will you take eduard kaspbrak as your wedded husband, to have and to hold from this day forward, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and health, to love and to cherish, until parted by death-”

- “oh please, have you met me? I will love the hell out of this bitch”

- Eddie is just so embarrassed but he loves him so much so he’s the first to crack up after everyone went dead silent and gasped

- “you really had to say hell, Tozier?”

- “sorry, tozier in 5 minutes”

- Eddie blushes and it’s his turn to say, after the priest took that as an obvious I do, and Eddie just immediately blurts out and can’t even hold his excitement, jumping up and down for the priest to finish before saying himself “I do, till death tear us apart”

- Richie cries, Eddie cries, Stanley’s SOBBING (Stanley btw, Richie’s best man), Beverly and Ben and mike and Bill are all crying the hell out of them

- bev is Eddie’s bridesmaid and the other losers basically are too lmao

- “I will now pronounce you husbands-” Richie is already eating Eddie’s face and everyone’s jumping up and applauding

- everyone’s throwing white roses after them as they get out, Richie holding Eddie bridal style to the limousine

- they spend the wedding in a nice hall and the decorations are whites and wine red

- decoration and designing both by Ben and Beverly. They really went all out with this and the two couldn’t thank them enough.

- red velvet cake with both Richie and Eddie as figures on them.

- after Richie’s request, they made Eddie purposely smaller and Richie’s just loving Eddie’s anger about this but it’s not too bad because it’s his wedding day, with the love of his life

- Stanley makes a toast, prepare to cry :

- “Maybe since 1988 I’ve been waiting to call Eddie Eddie Tozier. I sometimes did when Richie wasn’t around because I didn’t want to be that mean to Richie. I knew he had hardcore feelings for him. Richie was so in love with him that he’d sometimes come to me crying about Eddie, how much he loves him. I was the first one to know. I was the only one to know.”

- Beverly stands up, going on : “Eddie told me he loved Richie. It was first a like situation, but it truly and quickly turned into true love. I was always there to support Eddie. I could never be mad about it.”

- Bill goes on, saying “I-I never knew until n-now, b-but I c-couldn’t be more proud of them. I d-don’t know how I would’ve thought about it b-back then, them being homosexual, but then was then, and now is now. I am so happy for them.”

- Ben says “I couldn’t think of anyone else for them. Richie belongs to Eddie. Eddie belongs to Richie. They were meant for each other. God wanted this. No one knows how important this love story is, and I am so glad I can be apart of this.”

- Mike, finally stands up and adds “all of this bickering was just them confessing their love for another over and over again” he pauses to laugh with the others, and Eddie and Richie are crying so much, Eddie more than Richie. Eddie’s sobbing but Richie, his tears are just falling down and he’s holding onto Eddie’s hand with the ring on with his own ring wearing hand. “So, us losers, we couldn’t be more proud of how you two have finally made it. You two deserve one another. Till death do you apart”

- stan finally ends off with “honestly, I’m great full that I accidentally drunkenly said that you two loved each other” everyone laughs, alongside the two. “But you two were simply meant to be, and even though I always seemed like I hated you two, it was just me being sick and tired of you not finally kissing one another.” He smiled. “Till death do you apart” everyone says, raising their glasses, and everyone else does so too.

- they all party and eat cake a little until the wedding dance is on. Their song is ‘medicine’ by the 1975. Richie and Eddie loved the 1975 and it once played on this playlist Richie made for Eddie and then the whole day long they were just dancing to it

- this was pre-engagement by the way, turns out they were learning their wedding dance all along

- so they dance, Richie takes the man role of the dance, and Eddie just has his hands wrapped around Richie’s neck. They can’t stop looking at each other and kissing each other and they both always mouth along the song, especially at the chorus

- “in case you’re my medicine, yeah you’re my medicine”

- Richie softens up at the part “I, i wanna marry you”

- after the dance everyone applauds of course and they just party a little

- maybe around 4am everyone else goes home except the losers. The losers go to the beach and hang out together until the sunrise.

- it’s so beautiful because they make a small fire and then just watch the sunrise and Eddie and Richie are just so in : love

- and everyone’s so happy for them

- Jesus Stanley can’t stop crying and Richie makes fun of him forever for that

- they all go home and Richie and Eddie into their new home, which is so nice, and then

- ya know

- they fuck

- and after that, Eddie falls asleep first, Richie can’t stop staying awake and he just looks at the ceiling with Eddie in his arms, wearing the brightest smile he’s ever worn, and just whispers to himself

- “holy shit, he likes me back”

- and then he just admires Eddie and at some point, he falls asleep

- they’re the happiest together, don’t come for me

- it’s canon you fuckersssss

- also they adopt a pomaranian and later a girl

- aLSO (nearly forgot to add this, I came up with this during bills part of the speech) bill ends his story with the two best friends of the main characters ending up together, although he nearly killed off one of the characters, he edited it and they end up together and live a happy life together

[little-bit-of-cinnamon]

Brave Enough (to Break Your Own Heart) - Chapter 2

Jack reaches out to Davey a few days after the party 

Masterpost

Jack returned from his art history class with a headache like he’d never had before. He wasn’t hungover, he hadn’t been drinking since Saturday at the party. The party where he met David. David, who he hasn’t stopped thinking about but also hasn’t texted.

He was probably just stressed. He would tell himself he was stressed about school, about the essay he had to write by Friday and by the sketches he needed to finish, but he knew deep down that wasn’t the case.

He was stressed about himself, his life. His identity.

He wasn’t straight and it was terrifying.

And constantly thinking about a guy he hooked up with isn’t helping his fear, his worries.

But ignoring it wouldn’t help either. Quickly, before he could stop himself, he opened his texts to David.

Jack: are you doing anything right now?

David: Not until my class at 2:00? What’s up?

Jack didn’t know the answer to that seemingly simple question. He wanted to see David, obviously, but he didn’t want his friends to know who he was with and therefore why they were together. He didn’t want to go out somewhere because it would be a date and that definitely wasn’t what he was looking for.

Jack: oh god i dont even know im sorry. im just stressed and i wanna figure shit out but idk how

David: Can I help with anything?

Jack: i wanted to see you i guess

David: Okay, do you still want to?

The fact that David was being so understanding wasn’t helping Jack’s guilt. His guilt that he wanted to see David but not be seen with David. Jack: yeah.

David: And I’m free so what’s the problem?

David: Are you afraid of your friends knowing and asking questions?

Jack: it sounds bad

David: Nobody’s blaming you.

David: I’m in a single, do you want to come over?

Jack: yes please

Jack didn’t feel good about wanting to hide but he would feel even worse about seeing his friends while he was with David and having to either tell them or get caught in a lie if he chose to hide the truth.

David sent his room number and Jack didn’t hesitate in leaving his room to go to David’s, thankful that Crutchie was still in class and therefore unable to ask where he was going. The walk was short, leaving Jack without enough time to overthink his actions, thank God. He knew that he would find far too many flaws in his situation if he took the time to mull it over.

He did, however, pause outside David’s door for a while before he could bring himself to knock. He just stood there, staring at the fall-themed name card on his door, no doubt put there by his RA.

Maybe he should just go, he thought. David was out and secure in his identity, he shouldn’t be burdened by Jack’s identity or lack thereof.

But, still, David was the one who invited Jack over, the one who asks questions and supports Jack.

He knocked.

David opened the door with a smile kind enough to knock any hesitant thoughts from Jack’s head. “Hey, Jack.” David stepped aside, allowing Jack to enter before shutting the door behind him.

Jack wasn’t expecting to make it this far and he didn’t know how to proceed. He lingered in the center of David’s tiny dorm room, just standing there. He didn’t know where to sit, what to say. It wasn’t often that Jack was left with no words on his tongue.

It seems like David realized Jack’s hesitation because he guided Jack by the shoulder as he walked to his bed. They sat against the wall, treating the bed like a couch, as you must in a dorm with minimal furniture. Their shoulders were touching but Jack wanted more contact, he just didn’t know what was allowed.

He realized he still hadn’t spoken.

“Hey.” It came out quieter than he was expecting.

“What are you thinking?” David asked.

Jack knocked his head back against the wall, exasperated. He wanted to say he didn’t know again, it felt like the most convenient answer.

“Too much,” he answered.

David didn’t respond, instead opting to take Jack’s hand in support and hopes he’ll continue, elaborate.

“I’m frustrated,” Jack continued.

“About what?”

“That I have to deal with this bullshit. Not you, obviously. You aren’t bullshit. But like, two weeks ago I wouldn’t have even thought about not being straight. But now, now I have to like figure myself out and I got all this emotion and whatever and I can't just get rid of it.” Jack moved his other hand to their joined hands, fidgeting with David’s fingers as he spoke.

“What happened two weeks ago?” asked David, tone steady. Jack was almost annoyed by how collected he was while he himself could barely string a sentence together.

“I kissed some guy at a party. That’s the stupid shit I do when I get drunk that I was talking about.”

“So you mean to tell me that I’m not your big sexual awakening? What a scam.” David joked, knocking their shoulders together playfully.

Jack rolled his eyes. “Trust me I was a lot less drunk with you and I did a whole lot more with you. You can take credit for the crisis.”

“Good, something for me to be proud of.” David paused for a few beats before he continued speaking. “What do you need now?”

Jack knew he should say something along the lines of “talking it out” or “dealing with his emotions” or whatever, but that wouldn’t be the truth.

“I could go for a distraction.”

“I can help with that.”

Jack turned his head toward David to kiss him, hesitantly at first, this being the first time he’s kissed a guy with no alcohol in his system. It didn’t take long for him to warm up to the idea, though, and soon he was turned so he was sitting on his knees in order to face David completely. David’s hand moved to Jack’s hair and Jack would do anything to not have to admit how much he liked it. His mouth dropped open as David gave a slight tug. He opened his eyes to look at David and he had no right looking that sexy, smirking knowingly with his fingers still clutching Jack’s hair.

“Yeah, a distraction was definitely the right move,” Jack said through a smile.

David put a hand on Jack’s shoulder and pressed him down, onto the mattress.

Things moved much slower this time. The added conversation and the vastly different environment striped them of the fast paced urgency from the party. Once Jack was flat on the bed David opted to lie next to him rather than on top of him, leaving the heat to build slowly, rising with their heartbeats.

Jack couldn’t tell you how long they stayed like that; lying on David’s bed, making out and constantly pulling each other closer until they needed to break away to breathe. Could be minutes, could be hours, it made no difference to him.

At some point Jack ended up flat against the mattress, not turned to face David, and David was hovering over him. He wasn’t quite on top of him, his shoulders turned to Jack while his legs stayed by his side. It was at this point where things started to escalate, but also this point where David pushed Jack back slightly, Jack attempted to chase David’s lips back up, not wanting to break the kiss but he was unable to. David’s hand on Jack’s chest kept him in his place.

He wasn’t actually holding him back but Jack got the hint. He let his head fall back against the pillow and he pressed his eyes shut.

“You really like stoppin’ us, huh Davey?” Jack tried to not sound too frustrated.

“Again, it’s not that I want to stop but we have to. I told you I have class at 2:00.”

“Skip it.”

David laughed but Jack wasn’t joking.

Jack pulled David back to him with an arm around his shoulders and David gave in for a little while. Jack tried to pick up where they left off, sitting up a little from the bed in order to get even closer to David and catching his bottom lip in a quick teasing bite. The sound David made suggested that he would rather stay with Jack than go to class but he broke the kiss once again, anyway.

“I really have to go.” David stood up and adjusted his clothes, his shirt was askew from Jack tugging at it and his pants were uncomfortable for an entirely different reason.

“Come on, Davey.” Jack was lying back and propping himself up on his elbows. David glanced back at Jack but quickly turned away again, moving toward his wardrobe to get a jacket.

“No, you have to stop sounding so desperate and looking so hot because then I’d actually stay.”

“Well good, that’s what I’m aiming for.” Jack countered.

“I’m gonna be late.” David walked to his door but turned back to Jack. “You can go or you can stay, it’s up to you. Class ends at 3:30.”

And then he was gone, leaving Jack alone and wanting on his bed. Jack wanted to stay, to be there when David got back, but he couldn’t. It was too intimate.

He checked his texts and refreshed Instagram, killing time while he gained some composure. Eventually, he stood and gathered his things and left David’s room. He sent David a text as a formality but it felt like it was too much. Too much like they were together instead of hooking up. He put his phone on silent and began the walk back to his own room.

[pierregaslays]

It's okay if you don't want to but if you do could you do that question thingy you did about Maxiel but about Este/Lance 🥺 Ily💕

this took a little longer than expected because i accidentally forgot to save the draft at 20 questions answered and had to redo it but the answers are practically the same!! i hope you like this!! ily 🥺💗

1) who is the most affectionate?

physically affectionate? it’s without a doubt este, he is constantly reaching out for lance and even if it’s just a small touch like his hand on lance’s back - he has to have something, he’s very big on and he loves having lance in his arms. lance is equally as affectionate but different to este, lance tends to show his affection through always making sure there’s time in his schedule for este, giving him signs that he’s listening to what este is saying and eye contact is something he tries keep when they’re talking.

2) big spoon/little spoon?

they both try to be the little spoon... i accept no criticism on this. they usually try and take it in turns every night but once they’re in bed - it’s a case of trying to outstubborn the other until one of them gives in and is the big spoon.

3) most common argument?

i feel like they don’t argue all that much, they probably have one major argument a year and even that seems like it’s pushing it. needless to say that doesn’t mean that they don’t inadvertently upset each other but instead of blowing up and yelling - they’re the type to talk it out calmly even if it’s a stuttered conversation that could take hours to fix. (i’m convinced este is a big fan of the silent treatment though).

4) favourite non-sexual activity?

anything food related! idk, i just see it and i see them cooking together, going out to eat together and also trying (being the key word) to bake and cook at ungodly hours when they can’t sleep and it’s 1am. they might end up with more ingredients over them than in what they’re making but it’s so much fun for them and something they try and find time for on days they can be together.

5) who is most likely to carry the other?

they’re pretty much the same height but i feel like lance is the type to sneak up behind este and hug him and lift him up... it’s not exactly carrying but este’s feet aren’t on the ground so it works. i feel like este would be the one to carry lance to bed if he falls asleep on the couch - of course he wouldn’t get far because lance would wake up in the process but este tries.

6) what is their favourite feature of their partner’s?

este loves loves loves loves lance’s hair - it’s so soft and fluffy and he doesn’t need a reason to run his fingers through lance’s hair. he especially loves it when he can run his fingers through his hair when lance’s head is in his lap and they’re watching tv. lance adores este’s smile and he always wants to see it and makes dumb jokes and terrible puns to try and get to see it more often (it doesn’t take much because este automatically smiles whenever he’s with lance), he especially loves it when este’s eyes crinkle as he does.

7) what’s the first thing that changes when they realise they have feelings for the other?

a whole lot of gay panic! i’m only half kidding - they definitely panic because realising you have feelings for someone can stress you out but realising you have feelings for your best friend - it definitely makes things awkward and tense between them yet neither of them realise why the other is so tense around them. just a couple of dumb gays in love!

8) nicknames and if so, how did they originate?

i feel like they both steer well clear of your common “babe” and “baby” and mostly use “love” or “darling” when talking to each other and it originates from when they were back in the stage of first dating and still in the “this is so awkward. what do i say? what’s gonna happen” stage and este is like “are you okay, love?” and here we go, nickname stuck.

9) who worries the most?

lance! lance hates to admit it but he’s constantly worrying in the back of his mind that he doesn’t deserve his seat, that he’s not good enough to be in f1 and as much as he knows that he is good enough... it doesn’t stop the thoughts gnawing at him every now and then.

10) who remembers what the other one always orders at a restaurant?

este! he always tries and remembers what lance has told him even if lance doesn’t think it’s anything particularly important, and it surprises lance when este just tells him stuff about him that he might have forgotten.

11) who tops?

lance. este. lance. este. idk, something is pulling me towards lance so let’s go with that.

12) who initiates kisses?

este! it’s the physical affection that he craves, he loves being able to reach out for lance and just be able to kiss him whenever he can and he loves feeling lance smiling against his lips too!

13) who reaches for the other’s hand first?

again... este... i just see him as very physically affectionate so whenever he gets the chance to just touch lance... in whatever way, he takes it and even though it’s super cheesy - he points out that their hands fit together like puzzle pieces. (it’s cheesy yes but lance thinks este could get away with saying super cheesy stuff with that accent).

14) who kisses the hardest?

este. sometimes he struggles saying words coherently out loud so whenever he can use actions over words he does. he’s a guy who loves his boyfriend and wants to show it and sometimes putting all that passion and love into a kiss works better than words ever could.

15) who wakes up first?

lance! lance tries to relish the time they have together and wakes up early and even if este stays asleep for a little while longer - just being awake to savour those moments of calm before the world hasn’t woken up yet, it makes it worth it.

16) who wants to stay in bed just a little longer?

este... he’s very big into the idea of if he has nowhere to be then staying in bed under blankets with his favourite person is the ideal way to spend it. he’s also the person who mumbles five more minutes when lance tries to get him up and out of bed.

17) who says I love you first?

este says the words out loud first but lance is the one who tries to say it first but ends up fumbling over his words. este takes a shot in the dark and assumes that’s what lance is trying to say and says it.

18) who leaves little notes in the other’s lunch (bonus, what does it say?)

lance! oh gosh, lance wouldn’t leave sappy written notes but i feel like he’d do drawings of either them or whatever random thing he’s thinking of at that time. it’ll be sketched quickly and maybe coloured a little messily but it’ll bring a smile to este’s face when he pulls out one of those little post-it notes and it’s something he looks forward to.

19) who tells their family/friends about their relationship first?

lance! mainly to get it over and done with. it’s not that he anticipates his family reacting badly but it’s just not that big of a deal with him and he doesn’t see the point in dragging it out for so long.

20) what do their family/friends think of their relationship?

their family and friends are really supportive, can see that there’s a lot of love between them and are very “if he makes you happy then it makes us happy.”

21) who is more likely to start dancing with the other?

este... he’s the type to pick a song and just pull lance into dancing without giving him a choice in the matter and lance would try to resist but este just keeps dancing around him until he gives in.

22) who cooks more/who is the better at cooking?

este... is the better cook... but that doesn’t mean he’s outstanding and his cooking skill goes down immediately when he’s cooking with lance because of how distracted they both get. the kitchen looks like a disaster site when they’re finished but as long as the food tastes good (spoiler: sometimes it really really doesn’t).

23) who comes up with cheesy pick up lines?

lance has this one in the bag. he’s got an abundance that he’s kept from his early teenage years and uses them on este whenever the opportunity presents itself (or doesn’t, he just throws them out there). he never stops treating este like they’re still in that just starting to date stage.

24) who whispers inappropriate things in the other’s ear during inappropriate times?

este? idk, i feel like lance’s ability to not turn red or laugh is not very high and it makes it really easy to get him flustered or make him laugh when he really shouldn’t be... as soon as este figures this out - he uses it to his advantage.

25) who needs more assurance?

lance needs it more, he’s still young so things that mightn’t get to him in a few years time still manage to drag him down so este is always there with open arms and reassuring words, whispered words of promise that whatever is going on - he’ll get through it. they’ll get through it.

26) what would be their theme song?

maybe it’s because i was just listening to it but wherever you are - kodaline comes to mind, the lyrics seem to fit them as i see them together.

27) who would sing their child back to sleep?

este! oh gosh, he’s a sucker for their kid and he’s so soft and would be the one slowly walking around the nursery with a little baby in his arms as he sings lullabies... yes.

28) what do they do when they’re away from each other?

think about each other. also, i can see them being big into taking pictures of what they’re doing or where they are - they can be pictures of nothing important but they send like 3/4 an hour and it’s like the other person is with them.

29) one headcanon about this OTP that breaks your heart?

the uncertainty. not the uncertainty of them as a couple but of the sport. the heartache that comes with them not being on the grid together, how one can be so happy for the other but also how much it kills them to not be there too.

30) one headcanon about this OTP that mends it?

they have each other. like 29, even though there’s so much uncertainty as long as they have each other - they’re sure that they can get through whatever is thrown at them. they can always rely on each other and they’re who the other turns to when things get rough.

[hells-finest-grimoire]

personal reminiscence post

TLDR pretty art I bought from my “amateur artist” friend

My friend only started selling her art at our work to make ends meet at home, and asked me to take a look at her work before she put it out as she wanted someone to honestly tell her if she was decent enough to sell at all.

Now... I'm a very loving friend and I have no doubt this friend knew I would absolutely kill for her, but... I'm well known not to hold back my honest uncensored opinion if a friend asks for it even if it's not what they want to hear, and even though I'll give it as caring and supportive as possible, it's often hard to hear. She knows this. I know she knows this. But she's the most pure-hearted little thing I know and the thought of hurting her made me sigh in apprehension...

So I cringed, worrying about whether or not I'd have to waste my break coming up with "constructive criticisms", ie nice ways of saying it wasn't good or wasn't my taste, as I'm a writer myself and hold myself to being honest and frank and ruthlessly helpful whenever I agree to critique anything... but I'd seen her pen-work on doodles and that at least was quite decent so I figured it couldn't be THAT terrible. Certainly worth a few dollars at least, even with how she was downplaying it.

So, I took a look at the binder of hard-copy art she'd put together, swimming in anxiety the minute I touched it. And..... it was absolutely amazing. No hyping or over-exaggerating there. She'd been sketching these for YEARS, since we were in school, and not a single one was anything less than masterful. She even had done watercolor paintings that made my heart skip a beat, they were that strikingly beautiful. I honestly hadn't expected it at all. As much as I looked I couldn't find a single recommendation for improvement. I told her as much and conveyed as much as I could how genuinely I felt about how good they were. She was surprised I liked them so much, so she asked me "You know more about art and stuff... What should I sell them for??" I asked her what she was thinking of. I was aghast when she said 2-5 bucks a piece. I asked her if I could give her a conservative estimate on what I would pay for each, what I thought they were worth, what I'd price them for, etc., and have her go over it and THEN decide how much SHE WANTED to charge for them.

She was quite happy with that, and we went over it once we shared a break not long after. I think the lowest I suggested was 5-10 on a couple smaller pieces. The rest I believe were between 15 and 40 for the best, that she'd said she had sentimentality toward. Of course she said "Rhi, stop, this is way too much, I could never!!".

I told her "You have every right to price them how you like. I put the lowest I think you should accept on them too, but the higher is what I genuinely think they're worth." She shook her head and said.

"No way, no one would pay this much for MY ART."

One piece was a sketched profile of a tiger. I loved it. She'd loved it too, and was one of the pieces she said she didn't want to sell unless it was really worth it. Even still she thought 30 dollars was more than she could reasonably expect. I told her, "I completely disagree. I was actually going to offer you 35 for it. Do you have change for 40?"

"You can't be serious?!?" she asked flabbergasted.

"Yes," I answered. "These are the prices I suggested, because it's what I think these are genuinely worth. You can price the rest of them what you're comfortable with, but I have to insist on this one." She agreed, though she didn't have change, and had to pay me back later. I spent another $6 on a frame for it.

I love this piece. Idk what my point was here. I should sleep.

[artradhikita]

The time I started writing a comic book / graphic novel (Part 3 of idk how many, this may take a while LOL)

This is Part 3.

Click here for Part 2:

https://artradhikita.tumblr.com/post/618741007439314944/the-time-i-started-writing-a-comic-book-graphic

Click here for Part 1:

https://artradhikita.tumblr.com/post/618740135510540288/the-time-i-started-writing-a-comic-book-graphic

@azonip​ So at this point in the story I introduce a new character. Her name is Shyamali and she’s Alex’s girlfriend. She’s Indian, obviously, because how could I write a story and not have a character representing my birthplace? duh!

Here are the sketches I did for her character.

Unfortunately, her character is such a cliche Indian girl it hurts to read XD

Also, here you find out that Alex and his friends are in a band! Because bands are cool, so why not? XD

Copy-paste of the original first draft:

alex is with a young woman. they are walking in the park, it's a sunny afternoon.

alex: how was your week?

shyamali: it was okay, but i couldn't wait to see you. why do you have to live so far away from seattle?

alex: it's only an hour and a half's drive away.

shyamali: i missed you.

alex: same. *leans forward and kisses her* you look beautiful, by the way.

shyamali: *blushes* thanks.....umm, listen alex. i need to tell you something.

alex: what's up?

shyamali: it's my parents. *sighs* they've got this crazy idea that young indian women shouldn't date....anyone. especially handsome white guys like you.

alex: oh.

shyamali: i haven't told them about us, i know they would freak out. i mean, they would be upset if i was seeing an indian guy, they'd say that it was improper and that if i wanted to be with a man i should ask them to arrange my marriage. *alex laughs* i know....but if they found out i was going out with a non-indian, well, it'd be like the end of the world for them...i'd never hear the last of it. my dad would forbid it.

alex: forbid it? but you're 21, and you're a mature and responsible adult. shouldn't you be able to make your own decisions?

shyamali: hmph! i wish. traditionally, indian girls don't get to choose who they spend the rest of their life with, that decision is made by their parents. and my parents are very traditional.  i mean, i could just tell them to back off and let me be independent and all that, but it would cause a huge fight followed by awkwardness and more arguments and.....oh it'd just be a huge mess! *covers her face with her hands*

alex: i understand. i can relate. *moves her hands from her face and holds them* my father wanted me to join the army and become a general like him. it took me 17 years until i finally stood up to him.

shyamali: i don't think i'm ready for that. *looks up at him* but i love you....i don't want to lose you. the only way around this is if we keep our relationship a secret.

alex: okay, we'll do that then. anything to keep you with me.

they embrace

alex: *thinking: i'm glad you told me that shyamali, it's perfect. i thought i would have to break up with you to keep you safe from rafa and his gang. i know they would hurt you to try to get to me. but this way i get to keep you in my life without letting them know how much you mean to me. if we're both pretending we're not together they won't suspect us. i know the best thing to do for your safety would be to push you away from me, but i love you too much. i guess i'm just selfish.*

end.

a month later

alex is at home on the phone to lucy.

lucy over the phone: seriously! she's driving me nuts! she's talking about hooking me up with her friend's son so we can go to the prom together. i told her the prom isn't for another 2 months!  she keeps complaining that i'm too much of a tomboy and i should get a boyfriend! please just let me come over for spring break. i can't have mom breathing down my neck like this all week!

alex: i can't. i'm really busy. i've got work, and a gig in seattle on friday.

lucy: i won't get in the way, i promise. please alex, you've gotta get me out of here. i beg you.

alex: i don't know. *thinking: it was dangerous enough having you here for 2 weeks in the winter. what if they notice you and try to hurt you?*

myrina: come on alex, the poor girl needs a break. i'll look after her if you're so worried. she'll be with me the whole time, i promise.

alex: okay, fine. *lucy rejoices* but you can't go running around like a wild child. you've gotta be responsible and stick to myrina.

lucy: no problem. i'll be an angel, you won't regret this i swear. thank you so much. see you soon!

alex: okay, bye. *hangs up* dammit. i can't have her coming around every chance she gets. it's too risky.

quan: lighten up dude. rafa's guys don't know where we live. she'll be safe here.

myrina: yeah. besides, she's a tough kid, she could handle them if it came to that.

alex: it's not going to come to that! and you're going to make sure, myrina, just like you promised. she's a skilled fighter, i know because i taught her, but she can't take rafa or any of his guys. they're too powerful. i don't want her involved in any of this. so everyone is going to have to pretend to be normal people, just like last time. okay?

myrina, ralph, quan, kai: ooookay.

end.

2 days later

lucy is at the brotherhood's house doing yoga in the back yard. when she's finished she begins climbing the redwood tree and kai enters.

kai: hi lucy, what are you up to?

lucy: *looks down* oh! good morning! just the daily exercise.

kai: ummmm, you might want to get down from there, if the wind blows you'll be knocked off and fall 30 feet.

lucy: jeez, kai, i'm not that light.

lucy keeps climbing, a breeze blows and the tree begins to sway. lucy gasps and embraces the tree until it stops moving and then starts to swiftly climb down.

kai: *laughing* i told you! believe me, i had to learn that one the hard way.

lucy: what, you fell 30 feet?

kai: almost. it's good to see you again. how about some fighting practice? just you and me, one on one.

lucy: *hops down from a branch* you're joking right? aren't you afraid? or have you forgotten that i'm a trained ninja? i would totally kick your ass!

kai: oh really? well prove it, kid!

lucy: *glares* don't call me "kid"!

lucy attacks kai, who blocks her. the two fight for a minute and lucy is floored. she gets up.

lucy: okay, you're better than i thought. i've been going easy on you, but not anymore!

kai: *laughs* you forgot that i've been your brother's best friend since we were 5. don't you think he would have taught me some of his skills?

lucy: that's fine, but i'm still going to kick your ass!

the two combat each other again, more fiercely. but they are very well matched and neither of them can get at the other. kai suddenly grabs her from behind and wraps his arms around her, locking her own arms to her body. lucy struggles to get free but kai is too strong.

kai: now what are you going to do? you can't move your arms and i'm too strong for you to throw down. i guess i win!

lucy: no you don't! you can't hold me here forever. you're just stalling.

kai: not necessarily. you see, this leaves your neck completely unprotected. if i were a vampire this would be my chance to kill you. *pretends to bite her neck*

lucy: *heart beating quickly* *looks at him* vampires? really kai? come on, what are you, 12?

kai laughs and lets go of her. lucy suddenly attacks kai and he falls to the ground on his back.

lucy: ha! told you! *walks away victoriously*

kai smiles and looks up at the clouds. he sighs.

end.

lucy is in the kitchen cooking. kai and myrina enter.

kai: whoa, something smells good. i didn't know you cook?

lucy: now you know.

myrina: what are you making? can we get some of that?

lucy: lasagna and cream of broccoli soup. there's plenty, i thought you guys might be interested.

kai: lasagna sounds good, i'm not so sure about the broccoli soup though.

lucy: oh believe me, after you've tasted my broccoli soup you'll be begging for more. *myrina tries to suppress her laughter* besides, it's alex's favorite. i always made it for him back home in san francisco.

kai: that's nice of you. i'm sure he'll appreciate it.

lucy: it's the least i can do after everything he's done for me.

myrina: yeah, alex has done a lot for all of us. *kai and myrina look at each other*

lucy: how did you meet him? i know kai's been friends with him since they were in 1st grade.

myrina: umm...*she looks uncomfortable* my brother and i went to uc santa cruz with him. that's how we met.

lucy: did you have any classes with him?

myrina: uhh, no we just kinda bumped into each other. oh hang on, i'm getting a call. i'll be right back. *she quickly exits*

lucy: i didn't hear her phone ring.

kai: how come you know ninjitsu?

lucy: my brother taught me. i didn't exactly fit in with the other school kids, i was a real tomboy and i used to get in a lot of fights. i got really beaten up once when i was 10, i stupidly tried to take on this big bully. that's when my brother started teaching me. when he left to go to college i continued practicing by myself. he would teach me new moves whenever he  visited.

kai: yeah, he taught me how to fight too. i used to get bullied in school for being a native american adopted by german immigrants, *laughs* but he always stood up for me. he helped me become strong. i went through some difficult changes when i was a teenager, but he was always there, helping me through them. he's a real warrior, you know.

lucy: not that he had much of a choice. my dad put him in boot camp every summer since he was 8. he had to fight to go to college, the only reason my dad let him go was because he made alex promise that after he graduated he would join the army.

kai: i know.

lucy: if my dad hadn't died the next year alex would probably be fighting somewhere in the middle east. i'm glad he's free to follow his dreams now.

kai: i know your father wasn't very kind to you, but do you resent him that much?

lucy: my father resented me just because i was a girl. i have better reasons to resent him than he did. all my life i tried so hard to please him, i would even dress like a boy so he would like me, but he never noticed or cared. my mom, on the other hand, hated how i was a tomboy and never stopped trying to make me girly. i realized i would never be able to please my parents, so i stopped trying. alex was the only one who taught me to believe in myself. he always looked out for me and protected me. but sometimes i think he might be a bit too over-protective.

kai: that's only 'cause he cares. *smiles*

lucy: i know.

kai: so, how about some broccoli soup?

end.

it's night time. lucy is in a crowded hall watching her brother and friends onstage. she's in the front row looking at alex. he is singing and playing the lead guitar, kai plays bass guitar and sings backup. ralph plays the drums, quan plays the keyboard, and myrina alternates between a harmonica, eukelele, shakers, and a saxophone, depending on what each song requires. when the band is done, lucy claps the loudest. the crowd begins to thin and she gets onstage to help them pack up.

lucy: that was great! i can't believe i never saw you guys perform before.

myrina: i know, and your own brother started this band.

lucy: you're really multi-talented myrina.

myrina: thanks, i think i have the most fun out of all of us. *laughs*

a young indian woman approaches the stage and alex pulls her up. they kiss. everyone looks.

alex: guys, this is shyamali, my girlfriend. shyamali, this is kai, ralph, myrina, quan, and my little sister lucy.

lucy: "little"?!?! *she smiles and shakes shyamali's hand* you have a really beautiful name.

shyamali: thank you. it's nice to finally meet you. your brother talks about you all the time.

lucy: really? *grins at alex*

ralph: girlfriend, huh? since when?

shyamali: uhh, we're kind of keeping it a secret. my parents are a bit weird about certain things. *looks at alex*

myrina whispers to ralph: no wonder alex kept it quiet. he stresses out enough about having lucy around, i'm sure he's worried about her too.

ralph nods.

a group of girls approach the stage and flirt with kai, who flirts back. one of them goes up to ralph.

girl: gosh, you must have really strong arms to play those drums like that.

myrina: those strong arms only go around me, so back off missy! *glares with arms crossed*

girl: okay! jeez.

the girl leaves, the other girls chat to kai and quan, and kai leaves with a girl on his arm. lucy glares behind him.

shyamali: don't worry, i doubt he actually likes her. some men just need to have that sort of thing to feel better about themselves.

lucy: huh? worried? i'm not worried! i don't care if he likes her or not. where'd you get that impression?

shyamali: oh! i dunno, i just...i mean...ummm...

lucy: please, i don't think about him that way. i know what he's like. he doesn't do it to feel better about himself, he's cocky as hell. he does it because he can. he's never had problems with girls, they seem to just offer themselves up to him. but not me! and if he thinks he can flirt around with me, he's wrong! i really don't care about him. so he's wasting his time. *crosses her arms and frowns*

shyamali: okaaay...hey how about getting a sandwich with me or something while these guys finish packing up?

lucy: i'm a vegetarian.

shyamali: yeah, so am i. that's why i said a sandwich, not a burger.

lucy: oh. sorry. hey cool! i never met another one until now.

shyamali: really? i know tons. i can teach you how to make lots of vegetarian dishes if you like. most of them indian of course.

lucy: i love cooking! that would be great.

they walk out together.

quan: looks like lucy found her soulmate. *chuckles*

end.

it is morning time. alex is in his car and is dropping lucy off at the station.

lucy: thanks for the ride big brother. and thanks for letting me stay with you again. i really appreciate you rescuing me from mom.

alex: you're welcome. but you know you can't keep running away from your problems. if you really feel that badly about the way mom treats you, you should stand up to her. don't let her dictate your life. besides, i can't keep hiding you here.

lucy: i know. i'll try to be strong like you. i promise next time she bothers me i'll stand up for myself.

alex: good. i love you very much, and i don't want you to rely on me for your happiness. you should be happy living with mom, or wherever you are. goodbye. take care of yourself.

lucy: bye alex. you too.

lucy gets on the bus and waves to alex. the bus pulls away and alex drives off.

a hooded man sits in a car and watches alex drive away. he starts the engine and follows the bus.

end.

[comunion]

I saw him yesterday morning.

I thought I was running late because I couldn't see the hour on my phone, all I know is that the bus I took was reeeeeeeeeally slow and it took me like 30 minutes to get to uni and while I was walking from the bust stop I had in mind a lot of things like my video game class or this personal work I want to keep working on as well as these sketches I had on my sketchbook that I wanted E to see when I noticed his scent. In that very same moment my heart skipped a beat and started beating faster. One maybe two seconds for that to happen. He was there as well as a teacher I admire a lot so I greeted him and exchanged a few words before keep walking for class, I greeted E and those were the only words we exchanged.

I caught myself staring at him like an idiot several times but I could really help myself, I could only think on how his touch feels or how he smiles and talks to me. It saddened me a bit as well how things happened and how things are but life works like this and after putting this matter in God's hands every single day I feel peace in my heart now.. but how I felt while looking at him made my heart crazy for more than just two seconds. I think that was the reason why I didn't said anything else.. if I had, I would probably start crying or something so even though I was dying for tell him something else and show him what I've been working on I wasn't able to.

I know he notices me everytime just as I do but this time I think he didn't. I won't deny it surprised me when he told me "good thing you didn't come to class today" I honestly never thought he would notice because well.. haha who am I??? But idk yesterday was different, maybe because of how stressed I was and maybe because I had to take a painkiller for my sore muscles.. still I wish I would have said something else. I wish...

[unorthodoxsavvy]

Taggity-Tagged

Wowie so I got tagged by my friend Ginny, or @dead-nightingale to answer these 92 truths about yourself (myself). And at the end I’m going to tag 25 people.

Here we go!!

THE LAST

1. Drink: Hot Chocolate

2. Phone Call: My boyfriend last night

3. Text Message: “When I was trying to fall asleep last night, Cece was walking on my side and trying to find a spot to lay down on me. And then this morning she laid down on my stomach and I was petting her.” from my boyfriend.

4. Song You Listened To: I’m listening to “Wanting More” by Memphis May Fire.

5. Time You Cried: Sunday. 

HAVE YOU EVER

6. Dated Someone Twice: No, haha, no one makes that mistake twice

7. Been Cheated On: No

8. Kissed Someone And Regretted It: No.

9. Lost Someone Special: Yeah. On my birthday.

10. Been Depressed: My entire life??? Okay, kidding. But yes, I have PDD.

11. Gotten Drunk and Thrown Up: No, I don’t drink.

LIST 3 FAVORITE COLORS

12. Metallic silvery-blue.

13. Black

14. Aqua

IN THE LAST YEAR HAVE YOU

15. Made New Friends: Only like 50, give or take.

16. Fallen Out of Love: Yeah, but not completely, and I was still willing to try and right myself because I know it was all just because of the amount of confusing things going on at the time.

17. Laughed Until You Cried: Probably?

18. Found Out Someone Was Talking About You: Yeah, and I thought it was fucking hilarious.

19. Met Someone Who Changed You: Yeah................................. let’s not talk about that right now

20. Found Out Who Your True Friends Are: This year was the year of finding out who my true friends are lmao. And sometimes I was wrong. I’m glad my real friends pulled through despite my doubts about them.

21. Kissed Someone On Your Facebook: The day I own a Facebook is the day I’ll send myself to a Nunnery. 

22. How Many of Your Facebook Friends Do You Know in Real Life: Seriously? Let Facebook burn in the pits of hell.

23. Do You Have Any Pets: Yeah, I temporarily have a pet cat, I have an old doggo some of you might know named Bailey, I have Marian, of course, my gecko, and a fish named Vic. We used to also have Kellin but we don’t have Kellin anymore.

24. Do You Want To Change Your Name: Yes. My middle name can burn in the puts of hell next to Facebook. 

25. What Did You Do For Your Last Birthday: Shit what did I do? Uhhhhhhhh.... let me ask my boyfriend. Well he doesn’t know either. OH! I remember: I made a weird cake with cookie dough and stuff and we had other cake and I went to Boston for a Teen Author convention and also my mom’s best friend died and I cried on my boyfriend a lot. I think I kind of blocked that day out of my memory.

26. What Time Did You Wake Up: 8:30ish

27. What Were You Doing at Midnight Last Night: Watching Gintama lmao

28. Name Something You Cannot Wait For: WARPED TOUR, PRIDE, and LOCAL AGRICULTURE FAIRS! And for me to actually get a job.

29. When Was The Last Time You Saw Your Mother: Between 10-11 last night.

30. What is One Thing You Wish You Could Change About Your Life: Getting a job :’) plz someone hire me :’) I know I’ve only applied like 2 places but like c’mon

31. What Are You Listening To Right Now: Chemical Kids and Mechanical Brides

32. Have You Ever Talked To a Person Named Tom: Yes, I have. 

33. Something That Is Getting On Your Nerves: People flirting with other people and me whoops. Me flirting with other people. Myself. People. Trump. The not-so-slow decline of humanity. My own saltiness rn.

34. Most Visited Website: Google

35. Elementary: Like elementary school? There was cool art on the pillars outside the office. I met my best friend there and had my first kiss in elementary school. Someone threw a brick at my friend’s head. I was smol and had long blonde hair. Someone who I’m now friends with pushed me and I fractured my wrist and the school told me I was exaggerating and didn’t even tell my mom what had happened and she said that when she reached for my arm to like help me out of the car I would pull away and finally she took me to the doctor’s and found out and she was pissed at the school. I got stuck in the playground. Field Day was fun. I miss the sketch playground they had.

36. High School: 

Freshman Year

What to heck I actually have friends, I’m popularish? People don’t treat me like shit? Boys are flirting with me? I have drama? What? I’m so confused. I’m going to just stick with playing with the animals in the barn and crying over the fact I forgot to put my seatbelt on the first time on the tractor. The Golden Trio. 

Sophomore Year

First real boyfriend

Traumatic experiences ----->emo

Junior Year

I’m emo

DNT TOUCH MEH

I LIKE GIRLS??????????

Wow that fanfiction though

Wow I have a crush on a Trans Guy? Guess I really am bi

Wow I’m dating a Trans Guy (it needs to be caps in my head, sorry lol) Guess I am bi but also can we appreciate what a cute fucking bean he is???

Omg! Full time Natural Resources Student! The Dream Come True!

Depression

Anxiety

Senior Year

I hate you all

I hate you too Emory

If you don’t want to hang out with me that’s fine but don’t expect me to hang out with you.

Wow all my friends desserted me.

What friends

Oh those friends

Yeah they aren’t my friends today

Wow I’m some elite choir student

My choir teacher is still sketchy af

My natural resources teacher is actually letting us pick him out an outfit to buy at GAP.

My natural resources teacher’s wife is actually letting us browse for like an hour and 45 minutes in Barnes and Nobels looking for That Gay Shit

We didn’t find That Gay Shit but I bought a Fun. album and DAPGO so that’s pretty much the same thing

I’m pretty sure we all just outted ourselves to our teacher’s wives

Wow I’m making an album

Wow I’m not taking any real classes I’m just passing the time cuddling dogs

Wow friends from Freshman Year throwback

California is Gay

Boston wasn’t supposed to be Gay but we snuck into Pride

I cried a lot during graduation because at that point a bunch of people were horrible to me and I couldn’t take it anymore but then also my teacher got me a scholarship and I cried during that too

Let’s party and stay up at school until 5:30am

37. College/University: What’s college

38. Hair Color: 50 shades of cool colors but not green

39. Long Hair or Short Hair: Shorter than a Corgi’s tail

40. Do You Have A Crush On Someone: Yeah, and I really wish I didn’t.

41. What Do You Like About Yourself: Gay

42. Piercings: Over my needlephobic body

43. Blood Type: Does anyone actually know this? I’d kill someone before I’d let them near enough to me to find out

44. Nickname: Savvy

45. Relationship Status: (If you didn’t get this by now, I’m dating @ancient-hero)

46. Zodiac Sign: Libra af

47. Pronouns: She/her

48. Favorite TV Show: Fairy Tail

49. Tattoos: I waaaaaaant but neeeeeeeeedles

50. Right or Left Hand: Righty

FIRST

51. Surgery: None

52. Piercing: Ears in 3rd grade

54. Sport: Dance

55. Vacation: Gosh idk I was probably still in the womb

56. Pair of Trainers: What? How about first pair of Converse? I like that better. My first pair of Converse was in like 6th grade and my friend was like “ohmigod, how have you never owned a pair of Converse before? They’re your shoe.”

57. Eating: What does this even mean?????? How about this: the first time I ate blueberry pie, it was heavenly and I was in Maine and now I love blueberry pie.

58. Drinking: Let’s talk alcohol.I said I don’t drink, and that’s true. My first alcohol was this year, my mom gave us champagne. That doesn’t count as drinking, we all know that.

59. I’m About To: Keep writing this post. And doing all the other tags I’ve been tagged in, and then try and schedule them so I don’t flood people with useless info about me. I might take a break though because I’ve been here almost an hour.

60. Listening To: Bulls in the Bronx.

61. Waiting For: A Sign A Job Me to stop catching feelings Warped Tour

62. Want: Warped Tour!!! (And more specifically to actually know bands and songs playing more than I do now. I’m trying to crash course myself in bands like a week before again)

63. Get Married: YES YES YES

64. Career: Music Video Producer and Storyboarder and Filmer

YOUR TYPE

65. Hugs or Kisses: Hugs

66. Lips or Eyes: Eyes

67. Shorter or Taller: Ahhhhhhh I’ve had a bit of both idk which one I like better maybe shorter cause I’m short anyone “tall” towers over me

68. Older of Younger: Older 

70. Nice Arms or Nice Stomach: ??? A girl is a girl?? A boy is a boy?? I don’t like buff people? I like squishy people??

71. Sensitive or Loud: Both! I want both, dammit! I can’t take just one or the other, it won’t work.

72. Hook Up or Relationship: I wouldn’t know.

73. Troublemaker or Hesitant: Once again, both. Either of a lot is too much. I feel like most people I’m comparing are polar opposites and that’s why things haven’t/aren’t working.

HAVE YOU EVER

74. Kissed a Stranger: NO BUT I WANT TO (just not while dating anyone)

75. Drank Hard Liquor: Still no

76. Lost Glasses/Contact Lenses: Who owns a pair who hasn’t? If you own either you have.

77. Turned Someone Down: Lmao no

78. Sex on First Date: Nooooooooo

79. Broken Someone’s Heart: Once again, hasn’t everyone? And if they haven’t, they will.

80. Had Your Heart Broken: Once again, hasn’t everyone? And if they haven’t, they will.

81. Been Arrested: No, but had the cops called on me, yes.

82. Cried When Someone Died: Yes, on my birthday, in my kitchen, on my boyfriend.

83. Fallen For a Friend: I don’t fall for anyone seriously who isn’t a friend.

DO YOU BELIEVE IN...

84. Yourself: Yes.

85. Miracles: Yes.

86. Love at First Sight: It’s called lust, look it up.

87. Santa Claus: No, sorry.

88. Kiss on First Date: Sure, that’s cute.

89. Angels: No

OTHER...

90. Current Best Friend’s Name: Olivia. Best friends since Kindergarten. Just with a few gaps and rough patches.

91. Eye Color: Blue

92. Favorite Movie: Stand By Me

Wow I need a break before I even tag anyone.

Okay, so after everyone’s read through all this nonsense, here is to whome I bestow this task:

First off I probably owe @ancient-hero to be tagged since he’s mentioned so much.

@articulate-mess, @teatowelhowell, @sleepyphil, @danisthirsty, @weirdkidstories, @fondan, @pocketcow, @memory--ghost, @mymagnificentself, @gods-not-on-a-flatbread, @cushionstaxk, @xloonaticbloodx, @liabilitylester, @kendellisnotonfire, @smoltheatrekid, @softcharizard, @vgetables, @thebookofmadison, @infidany, @i-craft-ladders, @alecdoesnotmakepie, @astonishowell, @deadpan-trashcan @smolphaniel

Wow, okay, cool. Obviously if you don’t want to do it I’m not going to fly to you and kick down your door and make you. So, have fun, do the thing if you want, sorry if not, and have a nice day!

[kim-drawings]

these are my vacation updates and i could only post them on my rp blog because the wifi there sucks. so have fune reading :3

leaving and arrival at parc.

(so lol still under way with the car. So we wanted to take a stop but thanks to mom we missed that stop and had to wait for an hour and a half for the next one. Funny thing is that everyone needed to go badly but not me XD. So anyways i just ate and we are back underway since we still have a long way to go)(welp we have arrived at the parc so see you guys laters oke?)(alright lol everyone is settled and we also installed the free wifi here. though its very slow and doesent react quickly. the house wasnt very well cleaned but the scenery is beautiful and near a lake. i love it. though i wish that my brothers gf would stop nagging about alot of things. she’s kinda bumming everyone out here. so i instantly ignore her. the dog is beeing very weird here but i geuss its normal since she hasnt travelled to anywhere in a long while. did some sketches in the car wich i am going to blackline and color in later, dont have a scanner so i’ll take pictures of it with my phone. hope you guys are having fun to x3)(soooooo we found the dome here wich is were the store’s are, the info center and the swimmingpool. tomorrow we are going to explore more and hopeffully the weather will stay dry and the dog will be more used to the new surroundings cause she’s panting like crazy. im actually looking forward to swim x3 even though i get shy everytime i go there. lol thats how i work aparantly XD. we discovered there is a zoo nearby, i wonder how that is like x3 cause i do wanna go there. i’ll be probably sketching things rick and morty related and maybey not XD. anyways i hope you’re all having fun to :3.)

day 1 (oke so last night was pretty crazy i swear. so first off all my brothers gf was to fucking afraid to do something about the spiders in her room. she dint want to wake mom who wasnt even sleeping yet, so she went to bother me and i had a headache and was tired from the trip. so she tried to do it herself with my brother but she kept screaming and yelling so my mom came and dealt with every spider that was there. so finally it was quiet again. well i already talked about those geese and about this morning so i can skip that. so i went shopping with mom, my brother and hiss gf and it was pretty fun. now we are resting and maybey we will swim today cause i really want to x3)(alright im back and imma do another update thing. so eum i did a morning one, after midday wasnt so spectacular since it was raining so we decided to go and swim after dinner. i was so exited. but once there i kinda got dissapointed since it wasnt as big as im used to when we go to centerparcs. buuuuut i just shoved those thoughts aside and just had some fun exploring wich wasnt so great actually. but i kept on looking for the positive things wich i did, there were even funny moments were either one of us got stuck on the wild water slide, because they dint put enough water in it, or because my brother did something fucking hilarious. anyways after exploring we just went to the outside pool, water was nice and warm like sheesh if you dint watch yourself you could fall asleep because of the warmth itself. but since we were outside the air feels a bit colder XD. when i was swimming and relaxing wich i love to do most of all in those pools. it felt peacefull and nice if you block out all the noise :3 . so after that we went back to our cottage or house and played some UNO EXTREME, and i won 3 times x3 hehehe, those who play fair win fairly more :3. it was fun but sadly enough after dinner i dint feel so good so it kinda influenced my mood but i just ignored it most of the time. now im relaxing while they play poker, i dont like playing poker with my brother and hiss gf because they take it to seriously wich then infects my dad and i dont need that, so i was glad i played UNO with them before they changed it to poker. i still have one sketch to finish from my car trip but that’ll be for tomorrow. my mom wants to plan sertain things for us to do wich is always fun :3.)

day 2 (so little update thing for today. so like yesterday the dog was awake at 07:00 again. i think she hass a hard time adjusting to her new enviroment, but thats oke my brother got up and took her outside and then stayed with her wich im glad he did because he finally shows some responcebillity for hiss dog. anyways the birds woke me up at 10:22 AM wich is good because i dont wanna sleep the rest of the day away. my brother made an error wich im not going into detail in, lets just say she wasnt happy at all and my brother got the harsh treatment. so anyways they went to walk the dog while me and mom went to walk around discovering things some more. we found the little petting zoo, i believe thats how they call it in english. anyways so it was alot of fun and we found out they keep racoons there to that are not fit for the wild anymore. they arent tame but they arent fit for the wild anymore. thats all the explanation gave us. but i swear that fluffy one kinda reminded me of a rick. x3, later we are going to an evening market)(another update thing of today. so i went to an evening market here andit was fun. i also saw an old lady painting beautiful things onto candles and wooden shoe’s and i couldnt help but compliment her. she was so sweet and kind and overly happy that we liked her art. we also bought some of her stuff. she was so happy. so once we came back we played uno during almost the rest of the evening wich is also the reason of my abscence. so im sorry for my dissapearance. but i had fun playing uno, i laughed alot wich in turn will be bad for my voice in the morning XD.)

day 3 (so i know i dint do an update part thingy today and the reason for that is because most of the day i was on my laptop or drawing because it was rainning. so we couldnt do much during the day. also i really hate my brothersince he’s infected everyone in here with hiss cold and he doesent even wanna put hiss hand infront of hiss mouth when he coughs. ontop of that my brothers gf got infected because of him and im still in the clear yay for me x3. he’s been sick since monday but dint wanna get medication for it until tuesday when we went shopping with mom. anyways so they both have been so annoying and ruining alot of great moments with their negativity. thats why i told mom and dad that i dint want them with us because they have this thing to turn everything into a negative thing especially hiss gf. like today she was telling how much beeing in fashion was important and all. my parents told her that its not that important and that people are wearing clothes that they are feeling comofrotable in these days and she is right. but the gf just told my parents they were old fashioned and stuff and that people should think about fashion because it makes them look cooler and such and that it is important. until i opend my mouth and told her that they arent old fashioned, she is because of the way she is thinking and that she needs to get her nose out of the expensive clothing and judgemental negative thoughts and look around herself. alot of people are wearing the clothing they feel comfortable in these days, wether it is fashionable or not, wether its expensive or not. boy did she dim down he fucking mouth cause i swear she was bad mouthing my parents, infront of them, infront of my useless brother who cant even open hiss mouth to her and infront of me. anyways so i tried blocking her out with music, wich helped but then we had to go and get pizaa from the dome. like we went to get some information on how it works, does it get delivered or not. so we got the information but i wanted to go shopping peacefully since we had an hour before they start making pizza’s. but my fucking brother and hiss gf had to nag about choosing a pizza now in the bussy and loud house of games. they decided their pizza’s mom did to but i told them i wanna go back into the dome where its peacefull and quieter. so finally went out of the house of games and i could read the fucking menu we got from the bar. i decided on a pizza and told mom we should go shopping. the shopping calmed me down alot since they shut their mouths. so after shopping we ordered some pizza to take home and went home. we ate the pizza and i dint feel so good afterwards. idk what they did with the pizza but it made me feel so freaking bad. so i just wanted to draw peacefully and listen to some music before we went bowling. but she wanted to play uno again and it was only 30 minutes before we had to leave back to the house of games. like seriously she dint have the patience to relax and wait. so we went bowling and it was alotta fun. it made my stress go away and i laughed alot. we went to drink at a restaurant and i also ate some ice cream wich was yummy. we went hom and i went straight to my bedroom to relax and draw and that was my day. today wasnt so much fun as yesterday but i try to block out their negative behavior to make it a happy day x3)

day 4 (oke another update thingy. so today was another rainy day but i woke up in a happy mood. my brother and hiss gf were giving alot of negative vibes again and their attitude was negative. but then we went for a swim and it was all nice and relaxed and funny. but we stayed in the pool for like 4 hours and i felt drained and weak. i was shaking softly and overall not so good. we went grocery shopping before we came home. i ate a brownie and a muffin now. but still feeling a bit weak but atleest alot more relaxed and happy. i also discovered that my parents were also having enough of my brother and hiss gf’s bad attitude and such but they are doing what im doing and thats trying not to get affected by them. they are still sick but atleest taking their meds. we are going to a dinner thing at 18:00 soon)(so we went to this restaurant were you can get and choose the food yourself, but there wasnt much to choose from like holy shit. i was like ‘is this it?’ like normally with this open buffet thing you can choose from 3 different categories or even more but mostly its 3 for the warm food, also soup and in the middle cold food. but this was more everything to do with barbique and also a tiny bit of cold food and alot of fries. i dint eat much so i had room for dessert. wich wasnt alot either. like not much fruit , more soft ice cream with sprinkles and some cookies and marshmallows and a chocolate fountain. i dint mind though since i like marshmallows and the chocolate fountain x3. i ate well but i just hated it that you have to pay extra for softdrinks while tea and coffee are included with you’re reservation. we ended up paying 110 euro’s for 4 people pluse 2 softdrinks. softdrinks here are fantas, coca cola, soda and such stuff. anyways we got home and i just wanted to relax in the bedroom cause damn my stumach had a hard time digesting XD. so my bro and hiss gf and my parents played poker again. i dont like playing poker with them cause they take the game waaaaaaaaay to seriously and i dont know so well how to play the game well so i avoided playing that game with them. the other games are fine but not the poker one. anyways thats why i was online so much in the evening and even a bit during the night. i also found a new brand of cider to drink, it only hass like 5 procent alcohol in it. wich is great cause i dont like to drink high percentages of alcohol :P i can always taste the alcohol through the other tastes + i love sweet types of alcohol to. anyways i had tons of fun and beeing on here distracted me from the other two who were coughing themselves blus, sort to speak)

day 5 (so today was a good day. i woke up with a happy feeling. i went for a 3 or 4 hour dog walk with mom. wich was great because she could vent out to me about my brother and hiss gf’s actions and how sick and tired she was getting. like for instance if you know you’re going on vacation tell the people that are helping you get a job that you’re on a 2 week vacation so you can relax. but she dint and hass been nagging about not getting any wifi for work related things, while we are looking at her like ‘are you stupid or something or just ignorent’ anyways, she vented out i vented out, we saw alot of doggies to there and some baby ducks and baby water chickens. it was so much fun. after that i drew a little bit, then we went to eat at the pancake house. i must say i was dissapointed. they dint let the pancakes fully bake so it looked like a pancake but once you cut into the pancake you could see it wasnt fully baked. im glad i actually survived that D: lol. so we went to the souvenir store again. bought another cute souvenir. once home i’ll take some pictures of them and post them on here or on my art blog, better on my art blog cause i have some pretty scenery pictures and all. anyways so we went home and i went drawing again and beeing on here x3. because they wanted to do poker again and i dont like playing poker with my brothers gf cause she seriously takes the whole thing to serious and that makes it no fun at all. i never told them why i dont wanna poker everytime they wanna poker, so my brother and hiss gf finally asked but i just dint reply cause im not obliged to do so XD. but atleest i could finish my drawings x3. )

day 6 (alrighty im back from swimmng. so gonna do an update of today wich is the last day. we are going to leave tomorrow in the morning. so morning nothing special, i got woken up at 10:00 AM by some kids who were playing outside, but i heard things better on the right side of this bedroom since the window is there XD. also the dog was beeing a smart little girl since she whined to me to go outside so i let her outside on a leash since i dont want her to chase those pack of geese XD, but thats not the smart part, the smart part is because aparantly she already was let outside to do her thing at 07:00 AM XD. so yeah lol. we had breakfast but we dint know what to do afterwards since they dont present so many activities here for adults at this parc since the other parc’s do. so i suggested to go to the house of games. we spend a few hours in there playing one game there wich was fun cause mom was there and she was getting slightly exited about this game. XD then my brother and hiss gf found us and we played a bit of billiarts me vs my brother we hiss gf and mom made a few pictures i really wanna see but that will happen tomorrow. i also drew a but before the house of games and posted it. we came home we ate and relaxed a bit as i drew a little bit again. we went swimming for 1 or 2 hours and a half. it was very relaxing and we had those waves again. whenever i get relaxed mentally and fysicly i somethimes go to fantasy mode lol. and during the waves i was like ‘omg that would be so cute if Morticia went here  along with Ace, Katherine, @daycare-miami-r-ick and @ricktactoe and hiss morty. whenever Morticia is swayed along the wave towards @daycare-miami-r-ick she would push him under water and then swim away giggeling alot and i bett he would’ve caught her and did something silly to her’ XD dont ask why my brain just does that oke. anyways during the swim a guy came up behind me grabbing and fondling my breasts before laughing hard and swimming away. im not a fast swimmer so i stood there kinda scared and violated buuuuuut my brother XD my brother XD he swims alot fast then i can so he saw what happend aparantly and he swam after the guy yelling ‘YOU SON OF A BITCH HOW DARE YOU TOUCH MY BIG SISTER LIKE THAT’ i swear he caught him and beat him up even though i wanted to do that to i would’ve gone to one of the poolwatchers there of what happend instead of beating him up. but eventually i had to cause the guy tried to get my brother banned from the pool but i told this poolwatcher lady what happend and aparantly i had to go with her and say my statement again and they had to ask that guys name and aparantly he did this to 5 other women in the diffrent pools there and he got banned from the pool so he had to go change and leave. i swear that moment when my brother zoomed by it was kinda like a Morticia and @daycare-miami-r-ick moment there seriously. so we swam some more and i relaxed again. we got some icecream after swimming and then went straight to the cottage x3)

leaving parc (this one is from today)

(update lol. so today i stood up at 08:30 AM with my parents we all could leave at 09:00 AM since we packed up everything already. but geuss who decided to stay asleep until 09:30 AM and still had to pack their things? yeah my brother and hiss gf. so eventually we left around 10:00 AM and decided to let my brother take the lead with hiss car since he sais that hiss gps is better then our dads. it fucking isnt. he did 2 pitstops, one at 10:15AM and the other at 12:20 AM. my dads gps said that we would arrive at that time but thanks to my brothers gps and hiss 2 pitstops we ended up home at 13:30 PM. atleest i slept for an hour in the car cause i was tired. anyways we unpacked the dog was acting up again due to the change again. i unpacked my stuff im still organizing a little bit. gonna put all the updates on my other blog since the wifi there sucked i could only post the updates on here. so imma scan the drawings i made and post them on my art blog to and then imma take pictures of all the souvenirs and post them there to along with some other pictures i see fit to post there. the rest of the week i still have vacation so imma see if i cant do some drawings because i’ve been procrastinating on a few. :P)

[tmblogs]

April 22, 2017

Ok well I woke up today at like 6:30 and surprisingly didnt have a headache but was a little dizzy and nauseous. I made myself tea and showered to get the smell off me. Anna picked me up around 7:30 and we arived at tatem at 7:45 it was a fun time we taped a lot of shit and carried a lot of shit it was cool. Then at ten we went and got bagels together which was fun and rested in the back together for a few minutes before heading back. We went back to tatem and we found the lady that was supposed to assign us. She assigned us to the rides out side. We helped dylan with the train, or rather I did everything, and they just stood around while I scrambled. It was really fun though I liked that part. Then we took off at twelve, and I headed to edible arrangements to train. I got there, and me, and kacy talked for a while. She’s this girl that graduated last year and is dating sam cost. I told her I was there for same costs first kiss, and shit it was fun. Then they made me climb up onto a counter and into the cieling to fix something, and that was fun and unexpected so thats cool. Me and kristal trained, and made some smoothies, and then she taught me how to squeeze the oranges andmake orange juice, which is cool that they fresh squeeze orange juice. Oh also Isaac made a post about last night that I didn’t really like, but I posted about it on my other blog so wont talk about it again. They let me off at like 2:40, and I ran home in the rain. I got caleb up, and ready to come although he was reluctant, but he made the barbecue much better I think, becauuse instead of me and anna just talking, or being forced to join the adult convo me her and caleb could just hang out. We needed to bring something though so we picked up some beer, and cannolis on the way there, and I actually enjoyed the cannoli id never had one before but it was good. So ruth played with the phoebe, and the parents talked and laughed the whole time which was goo, and then it was me caleb and anna, and we had good fun. Then we ate dinner together and it was really good, and the chicken was fucking great so was the homeade bread, but I ate way to much of both, and got really full, but they had so much chicken I didn’t want it to go to waste so I had more. Then afterwards we all signed a book, and her mom wanted that thing I wrote about dating, but I didnt want to give it to her, because I think my oppinion on dating has changed quite a bit, but whatever. Then my family left, but me and anna wanted to hang out so I stayed for a few minutes with her family while she grabbed her keys and my knife. We were supposed to get icecream with just a few of her friends, but then it started to grow which was fine until jason was coming then I got scared as fuck, but I knew anna wanted to hang out so I decided I could do it, but I had to go through my excersizes in my head to get ready for that. They were just my normal power exercises, and I mean I knew I could pull it off succesful but I was still scared and nervous as fuck, and then anna was like also lets try not to do pda around them, and then I was really scared because that was going to be my fall back if I couldnt take it so then I needed a new fall back, and I knew amy was coming and I mean its really fucking easy to talk to her I mean for me so and I knew at least if I didnt get along with anyone else and I needed to hide or remove myself I could talk to her so that was my new fallback plan. Then I hyped myself up a lot to get ready for socialization, because I also wanted to make it seem like I was loud and the center of the group mostly to distract from jason and make everyone focus on me instead, and that worked well and was good because then I had people to talk to. Also I am so sad that me and amy dont hang anymorre because before everything that happened we were really good fucking friends and then we had a falling out because she had to fall for me, but yeah so it was good talking to her again, because I always get sad that I cant hang with her anymore. Cassidy was fun, ciara was fun although there was some drama going on that I had no idea about until afterwards. Not having pda worked to and I was totally fine without it. I mean I love pda but I thought it would have been worse without it then it was. We were all at arctic freeze which was some trendy icecream place that rolls the icecream. It was good I was really full from dinner and only ate a little. They all arrived 30 minutes after we did and the place was packed it was really crowded, and then amy and anders ordered shit, and it was taking for ever. Isaac and Jason and I forget who else left like really early in the middle of everything very abruptly which was weird. But good, because I didn’t have to worry about him. Also apparently he was going to confront me some time during the night I was just like why???? dont talk to me or bring anything up thats bad we are all having good fun and we aarent bothering each other dont ruin the mood. It never happened though which I think was good so. We all rendevouzed at amys house and that again was good nothing bad we went to her basement. Anna started getting tired then and crashed a little. Then amy oddly did the same thing and I wasnt sure if it was becuase she was tired and being drowned out or if she felt weird seeing me and anna together, if it was the second one I felt bad. Then people started to leave so then I left with annd and the whole drama with maggie started which I wont explain but it was with ciara, and we went and scooped her. She ranted to us and we talked to her we went to wawa and she bought to fucking large backs of chip idk what she needs those chips for but it was a lot. Then we drove around and got to merchantville. It was a little sketch and a little scary, so then we started home. We made a really fucking fast turn at a higher speed and almost hit a fucking car but we were fine. While driving I was reading the dircetionsand looking at the map to tell anna where to go. While I was a text popped up from jason, which I didn’t like. He said I love you, and like something else maybe get back to me as soon as possible. I didn’t like that. I mean I of course text all my good friends like that. “Hey clare” “Hmmm doesnt seem like you are at your phone” “I LOVE YOU get back to me as soon as you can” People wonder why I have beef with him and it is because he is in love with my girlfriend and then says things like I love you that is why, and until he stops no we arent going to be friends. I just didnt like it. Then we dropped maggie off, and parked for a little near my house neither of us were really awake enough to like make out but we gently kissed for a little, and then just talked and layed together which was just as nice. Then I kissed her good bye a few times, and left. All in all a good ass day, started my job, was able to hang out in a group with jason, got to hang out with amy and have it not be to weird, got to hang out with anna the whole day basically, the barbecue went well, I got to help little children get on a train, I got to kiss anna, I love anna, sorry I am getting of track, but it was all in all a fulfilling day.