#I think it’s time to stop pretending like these are 5 sentences

[unfortunate17]

Wilmon + “It’s never been like this with anyone else”

ugh the devastating normal people quote. here’s a little FWB au to commemorate it.

“It’s never been like this with anyone else,” Simon whispers then, a hushed confession he only has the courage to make in the dark as he shifts closer, pressing his cheek against Wille’s bare chest.

In response, Wille laughs, breathless and bitter, his chest stuttering on a shaky inhale, “At least you have a point of reference - I wouldn’t even know.”

The words land like bullets, Simon sucking in a sharp mouthful of air as he tries to sit up. “What do you mean?” he breathes, his lungs crumpling with the shock of Wille’s confession. This was supposed to be the last time, he thinks hysterically, this was supposed to be goodbye. “Do you not - I thought you were seeing other people? You were out with that guy - Johan or whatever his name was - just last week?”

Wille’s face is still flushed - probably from a mixture of their activities and the alcohol he’s been drinking all night. “You know I’ve been lying about all that right?” he confesses, voice hitching like he’s holding back tears, “there’s no one else, Simon. There’s never been anyone else for me other than you.”

Simon tries and fails to put some space between their bodies, his mind coming apart at the very seams. He does his best to crane his head back, struggling to look up at the bottom of Wille’s chin. “Wille,” he begs, “hang on a second, what do you - you mean - but why would you do that?”

Wille’s jaw is clenched so tight that it’s trembling, “Don’t tell me that you don’t know why, Simon. Please.”

[alastor-x-reader-stories]

To Rate a Hug - part 1 of ?

Tags: Alastor x Reader, Lucifer Morningstar x Reader, Humor, Antics, Fluff, Hugs, Reader is cat-like, shenanigans, Lucifer is a dork, Alastor is a petty bitch

part 2

“Who, in this room, is the most huggable?” Charlie asked, grinning ear-to-ear.

Your ears twitched, tilting your head at the question. “What?”

The residents of the Hotel were playing Truth and Dare as one of the redemption activities. Something about it being a good thing to be true to yourself and others? It was originally ‘Truth or Truth’ but Angel Dust complained saying if they had to play this game at all there should be a dare option.

You, being the hotel’s very own scaredy cat, only went with the Truth option. Charlie grinned, vibrating in her seat.

“Who’s the most huggable person in the room?”

You blinked. “Specify.”

“Huh?” The princess said “Um. I. What?”

“Do you mean who do I think would physically give the best hugs, who do I want to hug personally, or like, who I think is most likely to give me a hug?” You said, rocking a bit in your seat.

“Oh! All three?”

“Ok. Um.”

You scanned the room. Charlie was vibrating with excitement, waiting for your answer. Vaggie was watching Charlie more than you, a soft smile on her face. Angel Dust struck a pose, kicking one leg up in the air and shooting you a wink. Husk was pretending he wasn’t there. Nifty wasn’t paying much attention either, flitting about dusting and the like. Alastor hadn’t bothered looking up from the book he was reading and Lucifer… was staring right at you, vibrating much the same way his daughter was.

The Morningstars were so cute.

“Um. Okay, no judgement, though?” You said, grinning sheepishly.

“Of course, of course!” Charlie said with a smile, waving away your concerns.

“Wouldn’t be judgin’ ya unless ya told us who you wanted to f-“

Vaggie whapped Angel Dust over the head with a rolled up newpaper before he could finish that sentence. She sat back down and smiled.

“Go ahead, hun.”

“Okay…” you hummed, pretending you never thought about this before in your entire after life. You had. But that’s an embarrassing thing to mention so you pretended you didn’t.

“I’d say who seemed the best at hugs, physically, would be Husk.”

The cat’s ears twitched.

“Who I’d want to hug personally would be Alastor.”

One ear flicked to point in your direction.

“And I think Charlie’s most likely to hug me.”

“You’re right!” Charlie grinned, squishing you into a hug immediately and just as quickly letting you go. “I do love to give hugs!”

You chuckled, ears laying down bashfully. “Yeah, um, okay. Who’s next?

“You spin it, toots.” Angel said, shoving the bottle from Charlie to you. The group was using an empty wine bottle as the decider, and now it was your turn. You spun it and it landed on Lucifer.

“All right, Luci. Truth or dare?”

He jumped a bit like he forgot he was participating. Rubbing the back of his neck, he looked to the side and thought the floor was a lot more interesting. “Er. Truth?”

You hummed, tapping your claw against your chin. “Ooookaayyyy… Um. What’s your favorite color of the alphabet?”

“Well-“ He stopped mid-word, blinking one eye at a time. “….What.”

You cackled, unable to help yourself. “Well?”

“Answer the question, yer majesty!” Angel chimed in.

“Yeah, Dad!” Charlie said.

“But- What- how do I- I dunno, the number 5???”

You nodded sagely. “Good answer.”

“’Eh, I prefer-“

“Angel, I swear to heaven and back if you say 69 I’m going to rip your limbs off.” Vaggie growled.

The spider shrugged “I was gonna say 420, actually.”

“Ha! Weed.” You grinned. You’ve never actually touched the stuff because it smelled gross but it was fun to joke about.

Lucifer sighed and gave the bottle a spin. It landed on Husk.

“Right, Bar Cat, Truth or Dare?”

“I have a name, your majesty.” Husk snorted. “And. Dare.”

Lucifer grinned “Hee hee hee, okay. I dare you to… make me a drink!”

Husk rolled his eyes. “Coming right up.” He got up and left, then returned with a drink he passed to the king and sat himself back down, giving the bottle a lazy spin.

The old cat was really good at the art of misdirection. So if he carefully stopped the bottle with the very edge of his tail no one would notice. Except Alastor. But he didn’t mention anything because he wanted to see where this would go.

After all, he had it land on you.

You sighed, rocking a bit in your seat. “Truth.”

“Not even gonna consider a dare?” Angel said with a huff. “Kinda boring.”

You stuck your tongue out at him. He flipped you off. Life continued.

Husk sighed, leaning against his hand and humming as though he didn’t already know his question. “Ok. I guess… Why would I be the ‘best at hugs’?”

You sunk a bit in your seat. “Um. Well. Your fur looks soft…”

Alastor’s ear twitched again.

“…and you got those big ol’ wings.”

Lucifer found the wall interesting all of a sudden.

“…and you just kind of look like a care bear.”

Angel Dust burst out laughing. Husk’s ears went back, eye twitching. “Ex-fucking-scuse me?”

You ducked your head “I didn’t- I’m sorry I didn’t mean anything bad- I-“

Husk deflated, rubbing his face. “Right, right, m’bad.” He still looked irritated but managed to get his voice to sound indifferent. “…Why do I look like a care bear?”

“The hearts.” You said meekly, pointing a claw at him. “You have hearts in your ears, little hearts for your eyebrows, and your nose is shaped like a heart, and you have hearts on your hands.”

“…You know, they’re right.” Vaggie said, glancing over at the old cat. Charlie cooed.

“I never noticed that before!”

“I did!” Nifty chirped, scuttling on top of the table. “I did I did I did!” Her eye narrowed, pointing her feather dust threateningly at all those in attendance “But no one listened to Nifty.”

“Who’s Nifty?” You said with a shit-eating grin. The small little goober’s eye widened, surprise and wonder crossing her face.

“I’M Nifty….” She hummed, tapping at her chin.

You nodded sagely. “You are Nifty.”

…

“All right I’m done.” Husk said, pushing out of his seat and leaving. Charlie sighed. She thanked everyone for showing up and participating and the various people in attendance left for their own rooms.

You scurried off as soon as Charlie said you were done for the day and curled into your bed happily. Sweet, sweet privacy. Away from prying eyes-

“Hello there!”

You screeched, fur floofing up to the point you just looked like a puffball with eyes.

Alastor cackled. You crawled under the blankets to hide from him. Alastor was under the blankets with you, grinning. You flailed again, scrambling off the bed and darting underneath it. Guess where the fuck Alastor was.

Several more repeats of that later and you were laying face-down into your pillows with the Radio Demon standing over you.

“Well, that was amusing!” He said.

“I’m glad you had fun.” You muttered.

“I did, I did! Now, a question.”

“And now, an answer.”

“Very good. So. Earlier you had said that you wanted to hug me?” He leaned further towards you, quirking an eyebrow. “Why?”

“To annoy you, mainly.” You said flatly. Static surged. You flinched, ducking back under the blankets. There he was again, sitting on your bed with his legs crossed, eyes glowing brighter in the makeshift blanket fort. He had his hand on your back before you could dart again, keeping you in place.

It wasn’t forceful, though. You could sliver around if you wanted. What was awkward was how close he was to you now. Eyes shining in the dark, breath warm against your face, the smell of his cologne in your nose. And those fluffy ears squished slightly by the blanket.

The Radio Demon had no business looking so huggable.

“Now was that really the reason?” He said, eyes lidded. “From your reaction to our close proximity, I feel as though you were simply teasing me.”

“Partially.” You said. “I mean, yeah, it’d be partially to annoy you. But overall you just kind of seem really…huggable.”

He rose an eyebrow “Huggable?”

“Yeah?” You snorted “That’s what the question was about?”

Alastor leaned closer, voice dropping an octave as he purred “Absolutely nothing else you were thinking about?”

“Well now I’m thinking you need a lozenge.” You said, pushing him back “Voice sounded a bit hoarse there. And before you ask, no, I’m not that stupid and I know what you’re implying. But really that’s it.  You just seem really huggable.”

“How so?” He asked, voice thankfully back to normal.

Alastor had just been messing with you the moment prior. Usually those kinds of comments lead to certain kind of things. Though he would never partake in those ‘things’, the reactions of those who found him attractive were very entertaining. This just confused him.

You shrugged. “I dunno? I just look at you and go ‘mmm yep that’s a huggable person alright’. I mean. Assuming you didn’t hurt or kill me.”

“Oh, I might.” Alastor grinned. Your flight-or-flight instincts kicked in and you jerked back, being stopped again by Alastor’s hand. The instinct kicked in a second time when your face was suddenly pressed against his chest, a deep chuckle reverberating through him. “I jest, my dear.”

“You’re the deer.” You said. He chuckled again. “So. Uh. Is this permission to hug you…?”

“Ha! No.” He shadow-traveled out from the blanket fort and the thing crashed down on you. You reacted to this startling by running straight off the bed into the wall. Alastor’s cackle echoed in your ears as you de-tangled yourself from your blankets. You shot him a peeved look before gathering up your bedding and making yourself comfortable again. Alastor was gone by the time you were settled and you rolled your eyes and decided to forget about that encounter.

However life decided you weren’t done with the day yet. Someone knocked on the door. You groaned, melodramatically opening the door up.

“Uh? Bad time?” Lucifer said with a lopsided grin.

“Oh? Nah, I’m just being silly.” You said with a shrug. “What’ s up?”

“Uh. Well.” Lucifer said, rubbing at the back of his neck “You know, earlier, when you were saying Husk was the most huggable person ‘cause of the wings and stuff? I mean. I have wings.” He materialized his wings and spread them for emphasis. “And. Uh. So. I guess I’m wondering why I‘m not huggable….?” He ducked his head down, grin wobbly as more of his face turned red.

You blinked.

“Um. Sorry?”

Lucifer’s grin dropped entirely and he started flailing his arm around “No no no! You don’t have anything to apologize for! I’m sorry- I! Fuck I’m bad at this.” He sighed, running a hand down his face. You tilted your head, confusion beginning to cross into concern territory.

“Um-“

Lucifer disappeared into a cloud of sparkles only to immediately reappear right next to you.

“My apologies for my silly doppleganger.” He said, checking his nails nonchalantly. “In anycase, I have an important question for you.”

You snorted, crossing your arms “Ah, yes. Your doppleganger. Who is not you.”

Lucifer waved you off “Most certainly not, I am a superb mentlegan- Ah, FUCK!”

Lucifer poofed into sparkles again and reappeared on your opposite side. He dusted his shirt off “Whoops, there was another one of those imposters of mine. Sorry about that.”

You covered your mouth, trying to hide your laugh. “Yeah. There seems to be a lot of those right now.”

“Indeed.” He said, checking his nails. “Can’t blame them for wanting to pretend to be the King of Hell.”

“I dunno.” You said with a hum “I’ve heard rumors the King of Hell is kind of a huge dork.”

“Ah, yes- wait really?”

You laughed. He chuckled a bit, fidgeting with his sleeves. “Uh, yeah. My antics aside. Uh. Can I ask a question?”

“Sure. I see no reason why not.” You said with a shrug.

“Um. So. How would you rate my huggable-ness?” He said, grin snaking back up on his face. You smiled at him.

“May I get a sample for study?”

Lucifer’s wings twitched “Oh-Oh! Yeah! Sure!”

You chuckled and hugged him. He went tense for a moment, stock-still. Then the King of all of Hell practically melted into you, arms wrapping around you and squeezing tightly. Wings gently curled around you both. Soft and warm.

Overall, very solid hug. Only issue is you had to lean down a bit to do so.

[solxamber]

Stolen Kisses - Rollo Flamme x Reader

5 times you kiss him and the one time he kisses you

Rollo Week D7! and that's a wrap! and it's very very slightly suggestive at the end but nothing really nsfw.

The first time it happens, it's almost instinctual. You're sitting beside him on the edge of the fountain in the middle of town, the evening casting a golden glow over everything. He’s telling you about something—probably the new reforms he’s working on for the city—but his face looks so serious, so intent, that you can’t help but smile.

Without thinking, you lean in and gently press your lips to his forehead. It’s soft and fleeting, like the brush of a breeze. He freezes mid-sentence, eyes wide in surprise as his hand flutters to where your lips had just been.

“W-What are you doing?” Rollo stammers, his voice uncharacteristically shaky.

You grin, pulling back but staying close. “You were overthinking again.”

He tries to hide the pink that rises in his cheeks by turning his head slightly, muttering something about "distractions" under his breath. But you don’t miss the tiny, almost imperceptible smile that tugs at the corner of his lips.

It’s during one of the city’s festivals, and despite his usual disdain for such "frivolous" celebrations, Rollo finds himself walking with you through the lively streets. You’ve been excited all day, dragging him to stalls and making him try different foods, and while he pretends to be unamused, you can tell he’s having a good time.

At one point, as you’re watching a parade go by, you catch him looking at you with a soft, contemplative expression. He tries to school his features into his usual neutral mask, but it’s too late. You’ve seen it.

Without a word, you lean in and plant a kiss on his cheek. It's quick but deliberate, leaving a warm imprint on his skin.

He stiffens instantly, eyes darting to the people around you as if someone might have seen. “Must you always do these… these things in public?” His voice is low, but there’s no real bite to it.

You just laugh, taking his hand in yours. “Someone has to keep you on your toes.”

He huffs but doesn’t pull away, a soft blush spreading across his cheeks once again.

Rollo isn’t much of a morning person, and today is no different. He sits at the breakfast table, eyes half-closed, nursing a cup of tea like it’s the only thing keeping him tethered to reality. His hair is slightly mussed from sleep, and there's something endearing about seeing him like this—so unguarded.

You’re sitting across from him, quietly enjoying your own drink when a mischievous idea strikes you. You get up from your seat and walk over to him, leaning down to kiss him on the nose.

The kiss is soft and playful, your lips barely brushing the tip of his nose before you pull back with a satisfied grin.

Rollo’s eyes snap open, fully awake now. His brow furrows, but there's no real anger in his expression—just mild bewilderment. “That was completely unnecessary.”

“Maybe, but it was cute,” you reply, sitting back down.

He mutters something under his breath, probably about you being insufferable, but the faint pink hue on his face betrays how flustered he really is.

Rollo has always had a certain grace about him, the way he carries himself—upright, composed, like someone who constantly bears the weight of responsibility. So, when you’re walking together through the quiet streets, his hand in yours, you can’t help but admire how steady and firm his grip is.

Out of nowhere, you stop walking, causing him to pause and turn towards you. Before he can ask what’s wrong, you lift his hand to your lips and place a delicate kiss on the back of it.

He looks at you in surprise, eyes wide, and for a moment, he’s completely speechless.

“I just… wanted to thank you,” you say softly, smiling up at him.

His lips part as if he’s about to say something, but no words come out. Instead, he simply nods, his face turning redder by the second. “There’s no need to… for such gestures…” he mumbles, but his fingers curl around yours a little tighter, holding onto that moment.

This one catches even you by surprise.

It’s late, and you’re both sitting in the library, working on something that requires more focus than usual. The room is quiet, save for the soft rustle of pages and the occasional scratch of a quill on parchment. You’re tired, and you can see Rollo is too, the way his posture has slumped slightly, and the tired look in his eyes.

Without thinking, you lean in and press a soft kiss to the side of his neck, just below his ear. It’s an intimate gesture, far more than any of the other kisses you’ve given him, and you can feel him tense beneath you.

He turns to look at you, wide-eyed, clearly at a loss for words. “That… was quite unexpected.”

You shrug, suddenly feeling a bit bashful but refusing to show it. “I thought you could use some encouragement.”

His face flushes, but there’s something different in the way he looks at you now. His usual calm demeanor falters, just for a moment, and in that instant, you can see the conflict behind his eyes—the way he fights to maintain his composure, even though he’s clearly affected.

It's late, and the soft glow of candlelight bathes the room in a warm, golden hue. The sound of the crackling fire fills the space as you sit beside Rollo on the edge of the bed, the evening having lulled both of you into a comfortable silence. It’s one of those nights where words seem unnecessary, the unspoken connection between you enough to fill the room.

Rollo, ever composed and controlled, sits next to you, his posture just as proper as always. But there’s something different in the air tonight—a tension that’s been building between you both, thick and palpable. His usual calm gaze lingers on you longer than usual, his eyes darkening with something unspoken.

You lean in, instinctively closing the distance, expecting to offer another soft, teasing kiss on his forehead or cheek, but this time, before you can act, Rollo moves first.

He grabs your wrist, gently but firmly, and pulls you toward him, his breath warm against your skin. His lips crash against yours, and the kiss is anything but hesitant. It’s deep, commanding, as if he’s been holding back for far too long and can’t any longer. His hand moves to the back of your neck, fingers tangling in your hair as he pulls you closer still, the intensity of it making your heart race.

The kiss is slow but purposeful, full of heat and desire, and when he tilts his head to deepen it, you feel a shiver run down your spine. His lips part slightly, allowing him to tease you with the faintest brush of his tongue, testing, tempting. The taste of him is intoxicating, and you can't help but let out a quiet sigh against his mouth.

Rollo’s grip tightens, his usual restraint giving way to something more raw, more primal. His other hand slips around your waist, pulling you firmly against him, your bodies pressed together as the kiss becomes more fervent, more urgent. There's nothing of his usual formality now, only the need to feel you, to claim you in this moment.

When he finally pulls back, you’re both breathless, lips swollen and eyes locked. His gaze is darker than you’ve ever seen, filled with an unmistakable hunger. He leans in close, his lips brushing the shell of your ear as he whispers, voice huskier than usual, “You have no idea how long I’ve wanted to do that.”

You smile, breathless but exhilarated, your heart pounding in your chest as you tug him back in for more. "Then don’t stop now."

Masterlist

[goldfades]

Can we get a blurb into the burrow family ten years later (5 kids 😮‍💨🤓)

i forgot that the ask said 5 kids so just... pretend LMAO

the house is full of life on a crisp autumn morning, the kind of chaotic warmth that feels like a hug. sunlight streams through the windows, catching the dust motes in the air as jj barrels down the hallway, still in his pajamas, clutching a football. “dad! let’s go! you promised you’d show me the new play!”

joe leans back in his chair at the breakfast table, a steaming mug of coffee in one hand, the other resting casually on the arm of rosie’s chair. “slow down, buddy,” he chuckles, watching as jj skids to a stop in socked feet. “i haven’t even finished my coffee yet.”

“you said after breakfast!” jj insists, the determination in his voice unmistakably burrow-like.

across the table, gigi is meticulously slicing her waffle into tiny, perfect squares, completely unfazed by her brother’s energy. “maybe you should finish your math homework first,” she says with the air of an older sibling who knows how to push just the right buttons.

jj scowls, clutching the football tighter. “maybe you should—”

“enough,” you cut in, sliding a plate of toast in front of joe before smoothing a hand over jj’s messy hair. “dad’s not going anywhere, jj. let him finish his coffee, and then you two can go outside.”

jj groans but relents, plopping into his seat with a dramatic sigh.

rosie, ever the peacemaker, looks up from her art project at the end of the table. “maybe you can help me pick the colors for the sunset, jj. you’re good at that.”

joe exchanges a glance with you, the corner of his mouth quirking up in that way that says he’s savoring the moment. this is your life now—kids with strong opinions, a kitchen table full of crumbs and crayons, and a husband who somehow still looks at you like you’re the best thing that ever happened to him.

“okay,” joe says finally, setting his coffee down and pushing back from the table. “let’s see this new play, jj. but only if you promise to run it right this time.”

jj is out of his chair before joe even finishes the sentence, his excitement palpable. you watch as they head toward the backyard, jj talking a mile a minute, joe nodding along like he’s absorbing every word.

rosie sets down her paintbrush, a thoughtful look on her face. “do you think dad will ever let me tackle him?”

“not a chance,” gigi says dryly, not even looking up from her waffles.

and just like that, the morning continues, a blur of small moments that add up to something much bigger—a life, a family, a kind of love that fills every corner of the house.

later that night, the living room is bathed in the soft glow of the tv, the familiar theme song of modern family playing over the hum of quiet chatter. it’s your usual spot on the couch—joe stretched out at one end, jj perched on the floor by his feet, and you sitting cross-legged with rosie between your knees as you carefully braid her hair. gigi’s sprawled out next to you, legs draped over joe’s lap, mid-sentence about some friend-group drama that seems, to her, like the end of the world.

“...and then she uninvited me from the sleepover because she thought i was talking about her behind her back. but i wasn’t—it was all kayla, and kayla knows it, but she’s just letting me take the blame because she doesn’t want to deal with it,” gigi finishes in a huff, crossing her arms over her chest.

“sounds like kayla’s got you all figured out,” jj pipes up, grinning from ear to ear. “i mean, who wouldn’t blame you? you’ve got that guilty face.”

gigi glares at him, throwing a pillow in his direction. “oh, please. like you’d even understand. you don’t have friends, jj. just teammates.”

“and they’re all drama-free,” jj retorts, dodging the pillow easily. “unlike you, miss ‘kayla said this, and emily said that.’”

“boys are so annoying,” gigi mutters, turning to you with an exaggerated eye roll. “right, mom?”

you suppress a laugh, securing the last strand of rosie’s braid before leaning back. “maybe, sometimes. but, gigi, what exactly did kayla say? like, word for word?”

joe chuckles softly, shaking his head. “let her breathe, baby. she’s already giving you a full debrief.”

“i need the full context,” you reply with mock seriousness, glancing at gigi. “it’s important.”

rosie, ever the observer, lets out a dramatic sigh, her hands folded neatly in her lap. “you’re both wasting your time. kayla’s clearly not a good friend, and gigi should just find new ones.”

“thank you, rosie,” jj says, raising a hand for a high-five. she doesn’t even look at him, just shakes her head with the exasperation of someone much older than her eleven years.

joe leans forward slightly, his voice calm and steady as he addresses gigi. “look, if kayla’s blaming you for something you didn’t do, you’ve got to talk to her. be honest, but don’t go in ready to fight. people are a lot more likely to listen if you stay calm, even when they’re not.”

gigi considers this for a moment, chewing on her bottom lip. “yeah, maybe. but what if she doesn’t believe me?”

“then it’s on her,” joe says simply, leaning back again. “you can’t control how she reacts, but you can control how you handle it. and honestly? you’ve got nothing to prove to anyone but yourself.”

you reach over, brushing a strand of hair behind gigi’s ear. “your dad’s right. and if all else fails, remember—your family’s always on your side. even jj, as annoying as he is.”

jj groans in mock protest, throwing his hands up. “hey, i was being helpful.”

rosie raises an eyebrow. “if by ‘helpful,’ you mean ‘a pain,’ then sure.”

the room dissolves into laughter, gigi nudging jj’s shoulder while rosie shakes her head like she’s too mature for all of this. joe catches your eye, a soft smile tugging at his lips, and for a moment, it feels like the rest of the world doesn’t exist—just your family, this house, and these little pockets of chaos that make it all worth it.

↳ make sure to check out my navigation or masterlist if you enjoyed! any interaction is greatly appreciated !

↳ thank you for reading all the way through, as always ♡

[commsroom]

circumstances surrounding the “leaked” documents about eiffel’s sentencing in need to know, as i understand them:

one of the very first things kepler does is offer eiffel, minkowski, and lovelace a drink. in true “at any given moment, kepler has about eighteen ulterior motives” spirit, it is, among other things, “hospitality”, sure, a test for eiffel, definitely, but… i think the main reaction he was checking for was minkowski’s. will she look at eiffel, or react to his reaction? how much does she know? how much does he trust her?

in don’t poke the bear, jacobi and maxwell stop lovelace from breaking into kepler’s server by pretending to be in on it with her: “she’s very good. it might turn into a problem.” / “i’ll run it by kepler.” two episodes later, files from kepler’s very secure server are “leaked.”

(the words "need to know" are spoken offhandedly by eiffel in the episode itself, but it also calls back to the excuse maxwell gives lovelace: "colonel kepler practically lives by the words 'need to know.' and, apparently, nothing i can say will ever convince him that i 'need to know' everything that's in our databanks.")

need to know opens with minkowski finishing an eleven hour shift, and then finding out kepler moved that shift to, well. now. she’s already frustrated and sleep deprived.

minkowski complains to kepler. jacobi and maxwell, on cue, barge in and complain to kepler. kepler assigns minkowski, jacobi, maxwell, and lovelace to punishment detail, taking eiffel out of the group because “you’re the only one who hasn’t wasted my time with pointless whining.” lovelace says: “um, i don’t think that i did any complaining either, so…” but that doesn’t matter. it’s just an excuse to remove eiffel from the group; he could just as easily have been singled out for special punishment. either way, it was going to happen.

hilbert isn’t there. not the most significant factor, since he’s already been effectively sidelined by kepler, but remember he already knows about eiffel’s sentencing, doesn’t care (about eiffel’s history OR about anyone else’s personal drama), and will later respond to minkowski asking by telling her to grow up and get back to work. it simplifies things to not factor him in.

consider the files themselves: we know from happy holidays that maxwell not talking to her family is common knowledge, but jacobi reacts like it’s news. we know from hera’s performance review flashback in memoria that kepler and jacobi were aware of “multiple attempted crew member homicides” in her record. the file about hera’s bentham directory was on kepler’s server. if there’s one person who would’ve been briefed on everything there was to know about hera, it would’ve been maxwell; her shock is entirely feigned. in fact, almost every reaction from jacobi and maxwell here is feigned. they’re black ops specialists who arrived prepared with divide-and-conquer tactics. there’s no reason they wouldn’t know these things. also note that none of the “leaks” reveal anything about the mission they didn’t already know, and that nothing about the si-5 is incriminating - if anything, it’s mostly silly and even humanizing. and, yes, all of that contextualizes maxwell’s reaction to “skiing?!”

eiffel’s file comes through last, once they’re already worn out. kepler sends eiffel to check on them at the same time so that he’ll walk in. jacobi shows minkowski the file. he lurks around waiting to see how her not-confrontation with eiffel goes, and then cements the thought in her head: what about you? are you going to care?

it’s true that there are aspects of the mission only kepler knows, but as far as information on the hephaestus crew goes (barring one very particular detail about lovelace)? that’s part of the job they were chosen for. when they kill the plant monster, kepler says: “you think we didn’t know about that thing? please. we listened to every log that you beamed down to canaveral.” kepler’s entire foundation is shaken when jacobi turns on him because this is how they operate: “have one person take the blame, say the mean things. meanwhile, the poor, betrayed little guy gets a bit more leeway - just enough to sneak up and hit you from behind.” the show is not subtle about any of this. you can pick apart any early-s3 interaction between two hephaestus crew members and an si-5 agent and see the same divide-and-conquer tactics at play. jacobi and maxwell are always - in morals, loyalty, job description - closer to kepler than they are to the hephaestus crew, and to even sort of believe otherwise is falling for that facade. it’s worth remembering that the hephaestus crew are prisoners. some of them were aware of it from the start, and some of them were lied to, but none of them were meant to leave. the si-5, on the other hand, went up there with a unified goal, and the knowing intention they would be, among other things, prison guards.

[sinsandsweetness]

Please can u do a rickyl breeding kink. Like they see how she looks after Judith and it makes them want to take turns filling her up ❤️❤️

TAKING TURNS

(Rick & Daryl x fem!reader)

warnings- 18+ content, breeding kink obv, smut, creampies, FMM threesome, taking turns, mentions of getting reader pregnant, pregnancy and unprotected p in v. kinda fluffy and not rlly proofread…

notes- first time writing a breeding kink so… let me know how it is:) reblogs and comments are very much appreciated <3

Daryl nudges his friend, taking a sip of the bottle of water in front of him. “Quit starin’ .” He hisses, breaking Rick’s gaze away from you. Sitting all pretty, on a rug in his cell. Judith sitting right in front of you, a little, blue rattle keeping her attention as you talk to her. Your sweet, soft voice, mumbling quiet little praises at her. And she won’t stop grabbing for your hand or your hair or the rattle as she babbles away.

“M’not… staring…” Rick mumbles.

“I can practically see your dick getting hard. Pick your jaw up off the floor, yeah?” Daryl says, pretending that he’s not just as guilty. They both glance back over and rake their eyes over the shape of your body. The way your tank top cups your breasts, and your shorts hug your hips. And most importantly, how fucking attractive you are, smiling and blowing kisses at the 5 month old in front of you. How… maternal. It was driving both the boys a little crazy.

Daryl can’t help but imagine you holding his own mini me. A little boy with his eyes and your hair. And definitely Daryl’s attitude.

For Rick, seeing how good you are with his baby girl, it made his heart swell. Feeding her and playing with her, always being the one to know exactly what she needs. Seeing just how natural it comes to you. How he knows you’d be a good mom one day. How he wants to be the one to make you a mom one day.

“Like you’re any better.” Rick shoots back, his voice tearing Daryl out of his daydream. Both men still staring. And as you look over, they both straighten up. You wave the rattle at them and give a sweet smile, returning your attention to a talkative Judith quickly after.

“Fuck.” They both mumble in unison.

“It’s hard enough having no condoms around here. And then she’s gotta go ahead n’…”

“Make you actually wanna put a baby in her?” Daryl finishes Rick’s sentence for him. Whether it was what he was going to say, or just what he’s really thinking, it didn’t matter. It was true.

Ricks jaw clenches at the thought and he actually has to look away. The front of his jeans are all tight and his cheeks turn warm.

“She’s gettin’ a little fussy,” Both boys turn around to you walking over, holding a crying Judith. “Think she might need daddy to put her to bed.”

Rick has to bite his tongue at that comment. Taking his baby girl from your arms, and she seems to calm down fairly quick in his arms.

“Thanks,” he shifts Judith onto his hip and leans down to your ear to whisper, “You, uh… you stayin’ up or headin’ to bed?”

You smile at him all knowingly. “I could stay up if it means I get to see you a little longer…”

Rick nervously chews his lip and gives you a weak smile as he heads off to his cell, to calm Judith down and put her in her crib.

Daryl clears his throat and you turn to face him.

“What?” You kind of half laugh, as his hand starts playing with the hem of your shorts. “Nothin.” He bites back a smile. “Wanna get outta here?” He jokes, hand making it’s way up your waist, thumb brushing your nipple through the thin fabric of your tank.

“Um…” you look over, distracted by the curtain closing in the doorway of Rick’s cell.

“Hey, look.” Daryl grabs your attention and your hand, starting off towards your own cell. “He’s gonna be a minute. We’ll just get started without him. I’m sure he won’t mind.”

And he didn’t. Didn’t mind at all. Walking in on the two of you. Laying on your back, shorts already gone, with your legs wrapped around Daryl’s waist. An elbow by your face, propping him up so he could kiss you all slow and sloppy. Little grunts and moans falling from the two of you as he ground against you, nice and gently. The lace of your panties rubbing so deliciously in between your clit and his crotch.

“M- more-” you stutter, not realizing that you have extra company.

“Think that can be arranged, don’t you Daryl?” Ricks voice startles the both of you, turning to see him unbuttoning his dress shirt, knee dipping into the mattress, dangerously close. You swallow hard, lips all wet and swollen. Daryl’s shirt already peeled off and on the ground.

“One’s not enough for you is it, baby? Gotta have two cocks filling you right up. Ain’t that right?” Rick asks, leaning in for a hot, open mouthed kiss that you accept so graciously, hands going to the back of his neck and pulling him into the tangle of limbs on the squeaky bunk bed.

“Mhm.” You agree against his tongue, Daryl pulling at your panties and the two men take their turns. One kissing you, lips trailing down your neck and nipping little marks on to your breasts as the other fucks you so good and hard. And your begging for them as quietly as you can, hoping not to wake anyone up.

“What’s that? Gotta speak up, sweetheart.” Daryl tells you as Ricks dick pumps in to you at a harsh pace, a little whimper leaving your mouth before you can even answer.

“Want you- wanna cum.”

“I didn’t get quite that, did you?” Rick turns to Daryl, who’s biting his lip, trying not to laugh, “You wanna cum, sweetie? Or you want us to?”

“B-both please. Please.” You whine, grabbing onto both of their arms, grip tightening as you feel your orgasm begin to approach.

“Gonna fill you up nice and good, baby. Get you so full of cum, you won’t even know which one of us got you pregnant.”

And your eyes widen at Ricks words. Starting to shake your head ‘no’ but Daryl interrupts you with a kiss.

“Don’t you want it? Tell us how bad you want it, princess.” He orders against your lips. Demanding a price for your orgasm.

“Yes… I want it, Dare,” you whine, arching your back as Ricks tip continues to abuse your g-spot.

“You can do better then that.” He says, leaning back and admiring the sight of you getting absolutely railed. Legs folded to your chest, and your pearly, white juices dripping onto the sheets.

The sight makes his cock twitch and he thinks he could cum right there.

“Want it so bad. Want your cum, Dare. Want- uh- want you to fill me up, please.”

“Mmm, that’s better.” Daryl says, grabbing you by the foot and kissing the inside of your calf. Spreading you open to watch you get cream-pied by his best friend.

“Put- put a baby in me, Rick.” You whimper, eyes rolling back and you reach your climax. Feeling his own hips stuttering immediately, the comment clearly sending him over the edge. Burying himself deep in your cunt as he cums with a groan. Pulling out and switching positions with Daryl. A little grumble of, “I’m going first next time, asshole.” Coming from his lips, before he slides right into you. Giving you zero recovery time before he starts fucking you, the sound of your juices and Ricks cum, squelching and mixing, fills the air. And you can’t help but moan. Ricks thumb makes its way to your clit, rubbing from side to side as Daryl whispers filthy praises, telling you how pretty you’d look carrying his baby. How nice and pregnant you’ll be as soon as their done with you. And you go along with it, too fucked out to argue. Reaching another quick and shaky orgasm. Daryl following immediately after, plunging his own seed into you.

A sticky mess coats your thighs as the two start to get all dressed. A slight flash of worry on their faces in realizing what they actually did. Having come down from their highs, and thinking a little clearer.

You try not to laugh as the two of them chew their lips, grabbing a blanket and cleaning their dirty, little mess up from your thighs.

“What?” Daryl asks, noticing your shit eating grin.

“You guys know that I’m on the pill right…?” And you can’t help but giggle at their reaction.

As much as the the thought of getting you pregnant got the two men going, relief flooded their faces as they both leaned in to attack your cheeks with kisses.

“Some day though, right?” Daryl asks, hoping that your words earlier, weren’t just for show.

“Of course.” You peck both men’s lips, and pull on their arms, forcing them to snuggle up on the tiny mattress. They chat among themselves and trace little patterns onto your back as you try and fall asleep. Dreaming of someday, when a little Rick and Daryl will be running around and causing chaos in your future home.

taglist- @rickswh0r3 , @elnyrae , @catt-leya

(message or comment to be added💗)

[hergrandplan]

Hi! I hope you're having a nice day!😊 Not sure if you're still taking the 5 sentence thingy but I was thinking of Wilmon💜 and "So you're saying we got lost and we don't know where we are?".

Hi! I'm so sorry that this is so late, but I couldn't figure it out until last night lol. Warning: angst ahead (disclaimer: this thing is inspired by a little AU I worked on a few months ago and is partially written on a train so please excuse any mistakes💜

“So, you’re saying we got lost and we don’t know where we are?” Simon stared aheaf of him, at the snow-covered road, the miles and miles of nothingness.

Beside him, Wille hit the navigation again, but it still wouldn’t come to life.

“Told you we should’ve taken a map.” Simon thumped his head against the headrest, closing his eyes. At least they were in a car, somewhat warm and shielded from the elements. “This wouldn’t have happened with a map.”

“I’m sorry,” Wille said. “I know this probably isn’t how you wanted to spend your Christmas.” He was silent for a moment, then Simon heard him let out a bitter chuckle. “Stuck in a car with your ex.”

Simon opened one eye, glancing at Wille next to him. “I’m not stuck in a car with my ex. I’m stuck in a car with my friend.”

Simon didn’t miss the quick grimace that came over Wille’s face, before he schooled it back in a more neutral look. “Right. Friends. Forgot we were that for a second.”

Simon turned his head to look at him, frowning. “I mean – we are. That’s why I invited you along to pick up my mom’s gift.”

“Don't lie to me. You called me ’cause you needed my car." Wille's hands gripped the steering wheel tighter, even though they hadn't been driving for at least 15 minutes now.

“What’s that supposed to mean? I called you ‘cause I wanted to spend time with you, because you are my friend.”

“Because that’s the only reason you call me nowadays!” Wille snarled, whipping around to face Simon. “You only reach out when you need something from me, whether it’s picking up your mom’s Christmas gift or se—“

“Don’t,” Simon warned. “Don’t you dare go there.”

“It’s true though, isn’t it?” It was now that Simon saw the anger simmering in Wille’s eyes, and wondered how long it had been there. “I don’t hear anything from you all year," Wille continued, "while you’re living your fancy life in Los Angeles or New York or wherever the fuck you live now, god knows I don’t know ‘cause you don’t talk to me, and then the minute you get back here you just pretend like everything is just as you left it. Well guess what, Simon?" Wille's breathing had become shallow, consisting of quick, angry breaths. "Things change in your absence. You may think that the whole fucking world revolves around you now, and your tours and your albums, but that doesn’t mean that we stop living the second you leave. It doesn’t mean that we don’t go on.”

“I don’t think the world revolves around me!” Simon yelled back, the car suddenly feeling too small to be having this kind of conversation.

“Don’t you? You certainly expect me to still be the exact same, knocking on my door in the middle of the night because you feel lonely. As if loving you wasn’t already the hardest fucking thing I’ve ever done, there you go again messing with my head.”

Simon stilled, and he gazed up at Wille. “You once said loving me was as easy as breathing.”

He saw that bitter grimace cross Wille’s face again, but this time it didn’t disappear. “That was back when you still loved me too.”

Simon’s heart thumped in his throat and there were tears, threatening to spill down his cheeks. The words were soft, afraid that if he spoke them any louder his voice would crack. “Who says I ever stopped?”

Send me a sentence + wilmon and get 5 (or many) more!

[torialefay]

Hey!! Can I request prompt #5 with chan? Where he hates you for some reason but later find out he was just avoiding you because he actually likes you?? And fem!reader decides to tease him by riling him up and he tries to act like a dom but really he is just a subby puppy? Idk why I can definitely see Chris as someone who tries to act dominant but when it comes to actually doing the deed he gets so shy and can’t even say full sentences because of how intense the pleasure is 😩

didn't mean for it to get this long, but i present to you:

I Think You're Really Pretty Too 🤭

bangchan x reader (f); sub-ish!shy!chan SMUT

• knock. knock. knock. "chris? can I have a word with you?"

• you waited patiently outside of chris's studio door.

• it wasn't long before the heavy door opened up, a confused-looking chris on the other side.

• "oh... hey," he said, looking down awkwardly.

• "care if i come in?" you said, annoyed.

• he didn't say anything, just stepped back a bit, moving the door with him.

• you barged in, almost frantic. you were acting off of your adrenaline high, but still trying to calm yourself down.

• you paced to the other side of his body, waiting for the door to close behind you.

• as soon as the door shut, you came right in front of him, only inches from his chest.

• "listen," you started. "i get it that you don't like me or whatever- that's not a secret. but i'd really appreciate it if you could keep your eye rolling when i'm talking at a minimum," you huffed at him.

• he looked taken aback. like out of all things that could be happening, it couldn't be this.

• his eyes shot up, offering no verbal response.

• "really? i've been trying to be the mature one but i'm serious, you can't keep acting like this. i don't even know what i did to you in the first place." you sized him up and down.

• "y/n, i didn't mean it like that," he breathed out, looking off to the side. anywhere but at you.

• "oh yeah, then what did you mean it like? because the last time i checked, you're either always ignoring me, being mean to me, or making fun of me. at a certain point, there has to be a line."

• you were upset now. couldn't he see that you were trying to have an ACTUAL conversation about this? but nooo, he's just gonna put on a sad face and pretend like he doesn't know what's going on. but not this time.

• "what have i ever done to you? i've always tried to be nice to you! in the beginning i did everything right just to try to ammend whatever it was that was wrong. but nothing pleases you, does it? you just can't be happy or satisfied with anything i do? if you hated me so much, why didn't you just talk to jyp and get me kicked out?"

• you were heated at this point. and apparently so was chan. his cheeks were flustered and he was trying his best to make eye contact, but gave up after a half second.

• "i don't hate you, y/n," he let out in a small voice. it made you laugh.

• "you don't hate me? then what do you call it? because you sure as hell don't like me."

• again, no response. his ears were red now too as he stared at the floor. his mouth curled up into a tight half-grin, like he was trying to get something out, but couldn't. you could see his hands turn into fists, balling up the extra fabric at the ends of his hoodie sleeves, nervously wriggling.

• that's when it dawned on you. maybe chan didn't hate you at all. maybe it was quite the opposite. maybe that's why he never would leave you alone. never would stop taunting you. you had just chalked it up to him being an asshole, especially when he was around his friends. he just always had to be the "alpha male" in the room. not so alpha now though, is he?

• you took a slight step back, running your tongue across your teeth and rolling your mouth into a smile. you eyed him up and down. "christopher, do you have anything you'd like to tell me?" you teased.

• he knew he was in for it now. he couldn't escape.

• "no, i don't know what you're talking about," he tried to lie.

• "i think you know quite well what i'm talking about," you smirked and crossed your arms.

• he looked up at you with questioning eyes, but you stared right back with interrogating ones. you wouldn't let up.

• "fine, fine. maybe i don't dislike you. i guess i kind of like you..." he trailed off. you couldn't force his face to look up to you if you tried.

• he looked so cute like this, you thought. he's not the big bad chan everyone made him out to be. no... he was just a little channie with a big crush on you. you decided to see how far you could take it. how cute he could get with that blush over his face.

• "oh really?" you smiled at him, flirting. "tell me what you like about me." you were going to toy with him like a cat with a mouse.

• "oh my gosh..."

• "come on channie, use your words for me."

• he froze when he heard you call him by his nickname. it made him feel so tiny. but something in him also felt so seen.

• "i guess i like that you are..." he slowly brought his eyes back up to yours. "so pretty... and nice... and smart... and talented. and-" you cut him off.

• "you think i'm pretty, channie?" you batted your eyelashes.

• "well uhm- yeah- i mean i think you're... beautiful. but i know that's weird to say and i know you probably don't feel the same and that's okay, but that's just how i feel and i guess that's why i act the way that i do around you because i just dont know how to act normal and.. i'm sorry, this is really embarrassing," you let him ramble until he brought his hands up to hide his face. he smiled into them, squeezing his eyes shut like he could just squeeze away all of his discomfort.

• you took his hands off of his face and held them in your own.

• "i think you're really pretty too," you smiled at him, rubbing a small circle into his hand. he felt his heart leap out of his chest. you decided to push him further.

• "you know, i never really thought about it before, but maybe we could try this out? me and you?" you teased.

• you moved his hands that were still resting in yours to move along to your hips, when they were situated on you, you guided his hands down until they were resting over your ass.

• he couldn't even move, too flabbergasted at what you were doing to him. he felt himself instantly get hard in his shorts.

• "how does that feel, handsome?"

• "it feels good," he choked out.

• "yeah?" you moved your body until it was pressed up against his. you let one free hand walk its way up his chest until it reached the collar of his shirt. you gave a quick tug, pulling his face closer to yours.

• "and how do you think it would feel if i kissed you?"

• he let out a small moan, closing his eyes. that's all the confirmation you needed.

• you pressed your lips to his, wasting no time being gentle. your one goal was to show him what he'd been messing with this whole time.

• as you deepened the kiss, throwing your tongue into his mouth and biting at his lips, he finally got comfortable enough to run his hands along the outline of your ass. he gave a few good squeezes and let out another moan into the kiss.

• "feels good?" you asked as you pulled back. you could see the bliss in his eyes as you spoke.

• "mmm yes," he gave a half smile.

• "and what if i did this?" you kept the one hand pulling taut on his collar, while the other made it's way down his chest, to his abdomen, and finally down to rest right over his bulge.

• he gulped.

• "what? channie doesn't want it?" you almost giggled.

• "no, no! please. please do it."

• "please do what? remember how i said use your words?" you had the biggest bullying smirk on your face.

• "please touch me," he breathed out, closing his eyes.

• you let your hand grasp onto him, feeling how hard he already was under his shorts.

• he let out a soft hiss at your touch. it just made you smile bigger.

• "mmm so you do like it. what if i moved my fingers like this?" you made a grappling motion, putting fingers on each side of his dick and jerking slowly up and down, as much as the fabric would allow.

• he lost his breath for a moment. "mmm yes. more please."

• "more? you want me to go harder?" you flashed your teeth in a big smile and started quickening the pace of your hand. you watched as he whined and rutted against it, trying to get any friction he could.

• he suddenly pushed your hips down closer onto him to that his dick could make contact with the fabric of your skirt as he thrust.

• "you're gonna make me horny if you don't stop," you said, threateningly. it made him want to agg you on even more. he reached a hand down to start thumbing at your clit, getting a newfound confidence.

• "mmmm good boy," you cooed, pressing a kiss to his forehead. "just like that."

• he kept rubbing up and down with just enough pressure until you started to not be able to handle it anymore.

• "keep going. harder," you instructed, now rutting your own hips into his hand.

• your clit was now engorged and hot. you could feel yourself seeping out of your underwear. you knew chan could feel it too.

• "ah fuckkkk, just like that," you instructed, as he followed your commands. "don't stop rutting up into me either. keep going as hard as you can."

• he kept moving his hips, but a few whimpers were coming out with each stroke. you didn't dare let the tension off of your hand around his dick as he moved.

• "y/n... i think i'm gonna cum. i think i'm gonna cum," he whined.

• "yeah? mmm look at you, gonna cum so hard for me in your own fucking pants." you teased.

• he could only cry out a small moan in response.

• "don't fucking stop. don't you dare stop until i cum. keep rubbing me. harder. make me fucking cum christopher."

• his eyes shut tight as he pressed his entire weight into his hand, making sure to keep the same steady rhythm onto you, but giving you the heavy amount of pressure you needed to feel every little movement. it all got overwhelming so quickly. in a matter of seconds, you felt it hit you. it rushed over your body like a wave.

• "fuck fuck fuck. keep going. keep going. you're doing so fucking good," you instructed him. you rode out your high, gripping onto his hand for dear life.

• chan thought he was going to burst. he couldn't help himself any longer.

• "please can i cum? i can't hold on-" he cried, the feeling of your hand and your hips getting too much for him.

• "you can cum now, channie," you said, panting. "be a good boy and cum all over your pants for me. show me what you were hiding this whole time."

[rheas-chaos-motivation]

How to fight writer's block (45 ways)

If you are indecisive like me, use a 1-45 number generator and do that one

Listen to music that's the vibe of the scene you need to write.

Set small goals, like one sentence a day. Majority of the time that will make you want to write more

Get an accountability partner

Use writing sprints, write for 5 or 10 minutes without stopping. Then take a break and repeat.

STOP BEING SCARED TO WRITE BADLY

write something random, maybe just a paragraph to get in the flow

write while doing something else, like eating lunch or watching TV if you can focus

read a book you wouldn't normally read

do some physical activity

do writing games/writing prompts

imagine people making fanfiction about your work

watch a movie/show to inspire you

write the scene you've been wanting to write

do something else creative (doodle, paint, cook, etc)

edit a scene

rewrite a scene in a different setting

take a shower/bath or just wash your face

pick up a random book/remember a book you've read and "pick a fight" with the author. What did they do that you didn't like and why don't you?

listen to your favorite song (with lyrics) but imagine it in a different context. imagine it a scene from a show/a show.

make a list of things you want to include in your work, eventually you will come across an idea you will want to write.

use pen and paper

create a check list of things you have to do (make them small like open computer, open google docs, write one paragraph, etc.)

identify your strengths

identify your weaknesses

write from a different pov

remember why you started writing this project

remember why you started writing in general

dress up and pretend you are in a movie about a writer

reread your writing and find your favorite part

create a writing ritual, do two thing to get you in the mood of writing

take a break

write for one imaginary reader, what does that one reader want to see?

write some bad poetry (helps you "feel" your emotions)

use this game, you have to write an amount of words that you choose before the opponent knocks you out: Fighter's Block! (cerey.github.io)

write with a friend

write badly on purpose. And when i mean bad or cringe i mean commit. Write a dicord mod x discord kitten Wattpad fic (maybe dont post it though 😭). Just make yourself laugh

If you are stuck because you dont know what to do come up with something stupid that can be changed later (for this one scene the hero a has fourth leg that allows them to dig through the wall)

Figure out why you can't write and address that first.

imagine someone reading your story for the first time and it inspires them to do something they wouldn't have done otherwise (confess to their crush, start writing too, come out, etc)

GIVE YOURSELF DEADLINES AND STICK TO THEM

OR HAVE SOMEONE GIVE YOU DEADLINES

write about having writers block

write something that isn't yours (dont steal peoples work and try to publish it/pass it off as yours). Like a scene from a show or incorporate song lyrics into your scene.

create Pinterest boards based off your characters/plot/scenes

STOP BELEIVING IN WRITERS BLOCK AND WORK THOUGH IT. WRITE IT BADLY. WRITE IT BADLY. WRITE IT BADLY. WRITE WHEN YOU DONT FEEL LIKE IT. WRITE WHEN YOU THINK YOUR TERRIBLE. WRITE WHEN YOU ARE UPSET. WRITE IT BADLY.

[jkoo-njoo]

college crush - 5

summary: college au I when the frontier between a crush and an obsession blurs, how can you draw the line?

pairing: shy n clingy bf! jk × black fem! reader

genre: fluff, soft yandere | headcanons

word count: 4,300. on going story

warnings: physical violence ideation (Jungkook wants to slit someone’s throat), light mention of homophobia, description of comp-het, description of sexual violence because of acephobia (y/n is spiraling)

author's note: hi lovelies, it’s been a year since the last update, can you believe it ? I keep saying that there is only one last chapter left, but then I keep having more ideas and the story keeps expending ; so I’ll just stop saying that. ૮ ˶ᵔ ᵕ ᵔ˶ ა This chapter is a bit spicier than all the other ones, Jungkook is getting closer to his goal ! But is it really going to be as easy as he thinks it’ll be ? I truly hope you enjoy reading it as much as I enjoyed writing it my loves. As always, I love reading your comments and I hope you know that it really hypes me up to beat writer’s block and finish this story ૮꒰ྀི∩´ ᵕ `∩꒱ྀིა

previous | next / masterlist

5/ Wanting to fly the nest as far as he could, the bird aims for the sun, like Icarus, daring to rise to its death

— The bird, that just learned how to fly, soars with all his might

Its been two weeks now since you both started texting each other

At the beginning he was so nervous just thinking about directly speaking with you

He would overthink every single text he sent you for 20 minutes straight minimum

But the conversation started to flow very easily and chemistry began to develop between the two of you

It grew so much that you’ve been exchanging messages every single day with no fail, talking about any and every thing

On top of that, jungkook continued to send you gifts and come to your place while you’re not there

It added a special taste to know that whenever he would send you anything or clean your place or fill up your fridge

You would text him a few hours later to express gratitude and contentment

It filled his heart with pure joy and love for you even more now that he had your approval in real time

He didn’t need to constantly check your bins anymore

Jungkook felt his heartbeat rush and adrenaline spike up every single time you’d send him a message

It was truly heaven on earth

Now, for you… things were a bit different.

Sure, there was a cool situationship in the making

But it just wasn’t enough. you knew you needed more

You couldn’t just fall in love with a concept

You needed to put a face to it.

You decided to get bold today and proposed to arrange a date with your secret admirer

Yes this was a careless and rushed decision, whatever

But you were tired of playing it safe and decided to take matters into your own hands

Since your secret admirer wasn’t gonna be the one to do so

When jungkook received your advance he couldn’t believe his eyes and literally fell to his knees in the middle of the library

His ultimate crush was asking him out.

Asking him, out.

He knows that he’s been making a lot of efforts by talking directly to you everyday

(Even repeating that sentence in his head was making him feel dizzy)

But he couldn’t bring himself to actually reveal his whole identity to you just yet

So, he declines your offer by honestly revealing that he does not feel ready to face you at the moment

He wanted to pretend to be very sick and not wanting to contaminate you

But he absolutely loathed himself for even thinking about lying to you and betraying your trust in him

He still feels like shit because of his cowardliness

But he knows this is for the greater good of your relationship

Now, don’t get him wrong : he’s not near giving up.

The rest of his plan is waiting for the photography class partner project to unfold

But the thing is, their refusal disheartened you a bit

You thought everything was going so well between you ?

Why do they chicken out all of a sudden when it’s time to make things concrete between you ?

Are they very shy ?

Are they very ugly ?

Or are they an actual creepy serial killer that is not supposed to be on this campus ?

You tried to reassure them by stating that you’re sure that they’re a total hottie

And that there’s no reason for them to be shy with you anymore

However, your excitement started to wear off a bit, unbeknownst to Jungkook.

— The bird, finally resting for the first time in a while, inopportunely falls from a breaking branch

The following week on a tuesday, it finally arrives

The group project in photography class. the most crucial event for the rest of The Plan ™️

He tried hard to make a good first impression with his outfit

He wore a hoodie in your favorite color, slim jeans to reveal his thighs (because he overheard you talking about liking strong legs in guys) and black boots to appear more “hard” & “cool” (that’s also your type it seems)

You were wearing a very pretty light dress with some oversized pants and an oversized jacket to top it all

You were so outstandingly beautiful and cool, he just couldn’t compete with you even if he tried

The professor came in at the same time as you (you made it in time today he notes) and started the class directly by talking about the group project

But instead of a duo, like he imagined, the project will be in a quatuor with 2 boys and 2 girls

AND he already made the groups so no one could choose

The room audibly moaned and complained while he remained silent but his blood was boiling

He could not be more confused, angry and disappointed.

While the professor was calling the members of every groups out loud, he prayed to all the Gods and angels listening to please let him be with you

Even if there will be others he absolutely needed to be by your side.

He couldn’t bear leaving you all alone with two random men and no one to protect you

It seems one of the holy spirits heard his desperate pleading and answered immediately

Because the professor called his name right after yours

He doesn’t have the time to digest what just happened because the professor is already rushing everyone to gather in groups and introduce themselves

While everyone rearrange the tables and sit again, he succeeds in sitting in front of you

But he can hardly handle to look into your eyes from this close without fainting

This is the nearest he has ever been to you in real life and it truly feels like a dream come true

He can actually admire you from up close… he can smell you… he can almost touch your hand if he tries… and he wasn’t hiding from you anymore

It felt so right and natural to be in your space and bask in your presence

He was fully floating on a cloud focusing on nothing else but you and your voice

The rest of the class goes pretty smoothly with everyone introducing themselves and giving their inquiry about the project

Though he sat there in silence the entire time

While the only thing he mustered up enough courage to say was :

“Hi, my name is Jungkook. Nice to meet you all”

He was way too shy at the idea of talking to you viva voce in this context

He could try talking with you one-on-one if the project was a duo, like he planned.

But with two other strangers nearby watching and judging ?

Hell no, that was just too much all at once

Nevertheless, he does not regret witnessing you being the absolute brightest star right in front of him, even in silence

You were so full of life, energy and motivation for this project that it was actually hyping him up

Even though he really didn’t give a fuck about it in the first place

But it seems he wasn’t the only person entranced by you

Because why was this other guy clearly trying to flirt with you right in front of everyone ?

Thankfully it seems like you’ve got no clue and you’re not playing into his games at all

But Jungkook has to deal with him.

He wanted to just slit his throat so bad right then and there, without any hesitation.

But he knows he cannot show this side of himself to you just yet, and definitely not in the middle of this class

He’s gonna get rid of him definitely without scaring you off

No other boy has the right to have access to you other than him

You were his soulmate and his only.

He promised to himself to make this punk get it as soon as possible

At the end of the hour, this fucker has the audacity to ask for your number, and only yours

“it’s to talk about the project more in depth, you know !”

The holy spirits truly were by his sides today, because you suggested to have a group chat instead

“it’s to make the conversation about the project more efficient, you know !”

Everyone gives you their number and you create the groupchat right away before you all part ways

The walk home from this session at the photography class was the worst one he’s had in a while

He couldn’t even bask in the feelings of pure joy, love and excitement he has felt by being this close to you

He even gave you his real number for you to text the real him !

That was supposed to be one of the best moments of his life, right before :

your first kiss,

your marriage,

and your first child together.

But instead, he simply felt like absolute shit for witnessing a man blatantly flirting with his promised partner right in front of his face

And not doing anything to stop it and protect you.

He knows he can always count on you to preserve yourself for him and him only

But it certainly won’t last long if he doesn’t do anything

He feels really powerless and he does not like it one bit

He has to reverse the situation to promptly get rid of this parasite and secure his place in your heart

— The heavily weakened bird serendipitously finds some food on the ground

The thing is, he was so focused on his feelings for you and that other douchebag that he did not even notice everything else that happened outside of that

Like the fact that the other girl of the group was clearly trying to hit on him too

but he was so oblivious he only responded to her with vague hmms indicating yes or no

Or the fact that his charm and his silence intrigued you the most and you definitely wanted to spend more time with him to break his shell

Like, he was seriously one of the most beautiful boy you’ve ever seen.

The way his long hair and square glasses perfectly framed his angelic face

The way he was not able to say a single word during the entire hour

And the way he blushed + looked away shyly any time anyone glanced for a little too long at him……

His cuteness already caught your eye before but this meeting solidified your crush for him even more

He was effortlessly checking every box of your ideal type one by one, it was not even funny

So much so that you started to wonder if it was worth entertaining a situationship with a potentially dangerous secret admirer

That is not even bold enough to show their face despite claiming to be deeply in love with you

Rather than shooting your shot with the cute nerdy guy from photography class

That is a very real person within reach, even if there is no certitude that he’s interested in you in the slightest

It was starting to hurt your head to think this much about all this

so you decided to open up to your secret admirer

Hoping to wake them up, for good.

After closing the door to his room, Jungkook received a very lengthy message from you where you disclosed all your doubts about him and your relationship

That’s when he truly lost it and started to sob uncontrollably

He realized that he was seriously on the verge of actually losing you for good

After all the hard work he has done to get to this point

He was inconsolable and cried in a ball on the ground for a good ten minutes

After calming down a bit, he realized that you were giving him the opportunity to officially deepen the connection between you

This was his last chance to truly secure his way to your heart, and you were the one giving it to him

He simply did not deserve the pure kindness of your soul and you still gave it to him

He made the very important decision on the spot to bend The Plan™️

You wanted to know more of his identity ? so be it.

He answered :

“My sweetest love. Thank you for trusting me and pushing for me to still be in your life after I’ve been such a coward. I do not deserve your grace, but I will prove to you by all means that my love for you is infaillible. From now on, you will receive pictures from me about myself and my daily life, and even audios of me directly reading my poems to you, if you feel comfortable with that. I will do my best to get you to know me on a more personal level, so you can realize that I am the perfect pretender to be your lifelong partner and that we are meant to be together forever. But know that at the moment, I still can’t reveal my whole identity to you, whether it be my face or my name, because of personal reasons you will soon understand. Please tell me if this satisfies your needs for now, and I will begin immediately.”

He knew he would have to push through a lot of boundaries within himself to uphold these promises

But he was willing to do absolutely anything for you, your love and your happiness

And to be by your sides

When you received their answer, you got reminded why you loved talking to your secret admirer so much

They were so dramatic sometimes, it was really funny and relieved your stress more often than not

You couldn’t do anything but accept their request without a second thought when it was presented in such a classy and solemn way

It was not exactly what you asked for, but you respected their decision and noted their efforts to try and meet your request still

You did not really pay more attention to it and move on with your life

Until you almost choked to death on your tea 10 minutes later

Since they said that they will not be showing their face, you thought they would exclusively send you innocent pictures of their daily life and stuff

How naive of you to think that.

After opening your phone notification you couldn’t help but stare at your screen, eyes wide open, with your eyebrows touching the ceiling

Instead of a candid still of some food on a plate like you expected

You were met with the mirror picture of a literal greek god with a full sleeve of tattoos, right out of the shower, wearing nothing but a towel on their head and another one hanging low on their waist

They followed up on the pic with the wittiest text you’ve ever read from them

“You’re such a lucky princess because I just started my night routine. I’ve been itching to send you pictures like these for so long but I had to make sure the timing was right. I cannot wait to include you in my daily life. Do you want me to do a tour of all the skin care products I use to take care of the body you’re looking at ?”

“Oh, and my pronouns are he/him by the way ;)”

There is no way he’s not fucking with you right now. Absolutely no way.

You’ve been gawking at your phone with your mouth agape for so long, you did not notice the trail of saliva connecting your lips to your thighs.

He even has the time to send you another message apologizing if he made you uncomfortable with his naked body and promising to never cross your boundaries ever again

And that from now on he’ll only send you pictures of him fully clothed, even if it might compromise his anonymity

You collect yourself just enough to send :

“Please send me a real picture of yourself. I cannot believe you’re trying to catfish me after we’ve been talking together for so long.”

It was a bit harsh you admit, but you had to make sure that this wasn’t just some enormous prank

And that you’ve been made fun of this entire time

At first, he got hurt that you actually thought that he was a catfish and that he couldn’t possibly be this good looking

But he remembered that he was still an anonymous stalker in your eyes and that you were a very intelligent woman

It was totally understandable that you’d still be on your guard

Jungkook simply answers back :

“I would absolutely never play in your face and break your trust like that my love. You can make a reverse search on this picture. I took it right now and you’re the only person besides me that has ever laid eyes on it on this earth. All of this is reserved just for you.”

You do as he told and… you simply can’t believe it.

He is right : the picture is nowhere to be found on the internet

That’s when it really kicked in

You actually bagged the literal finest man in campus without doing anything

And he is the one that’s absolutely obsessed with you ??

He is the one who spoils you and showers you with love at any occasion without any inquiry on you part ??

You must have saved the entire human civilization in another life, because there was simply no way in hell this was real

You had to apologize. You were truly not familiar with his game.

You answer back :

“Look, I’m sorry to have doubted you but you’ve always been anonymous this entire time and we haven’t really gotten to know each other on a deeper level just yet. You know what ? You can send me all the pictures you’d like, but no dick pic please, I’m truly not into that.”

“Thank you again for accepting to reveal more of yourself to me, I’m really enjoying this ! You look very good…”

When he finished reading your message he was smiling from ear to ear

Oh, he knew he won.

— Against all odds, the bird perks up and flaps his wings again

Following this event, you started sending pictures of each other on the regular

You were sending him selfies mostly, not comfortable enough to reveal your body like he does

Jungkook did not mind one bit

He worshipped every single picture you sent to him regardless, going as far as printing and framing them all

His room was starting to fill up with all the pictures of you that you sent him, along side the stolen cliches he took of you

He was literally living his dream life.

He couldn’t believe how far he’d gone in the pursuit of his love, and how far it led him

On the flip side, you were absolutely flabbergasted.

He was sending you very cute pictures of his daily life like him cooking, gaming, painting and all that

But when it came to the pictures of himself…

He was always half naked or wearing very tight fitting clothes like a tank top and a sport crewneck

He explained that he couldn’t send you pictures of him wearing his daily clothes because he didn’t want you to recognize him in the street

That was only half of the truth tho

He also wanted to impress you with the work he’s been putting in the gym during all this time, just for you

But he truly hoped that you didn’t see him as some sort of fuckboy only interested in having sex with you

Showing you his body was just another way to draw you in. Like the final nail in the coffin

In his opinion, he made enough efforts these past few months to give you a glimpse of the overflowing feelings he had for you

He is absolutely head over heels for you but not in a carnal way if that made sense

And he knows very well that you’re not into that either

He has had crushes and stuff but he used to be a complete loser so no one would give him even a crumb of attention

Of course he very occasionally had some peaks of libido and he always took care of his needs by himself

But he quickly realized that he has honestly never felt sexual attention to anyone

When he compared his experience to the way other boys around him where going crazy about sex in his teenage years…

It was alienating to say the least.

He clearly remembers an instance when he tried talking about it to one of his friends at the time

And they bluntly answered :

“You don’t feel attracted to girls ? Are you gay or something ?”

Yes, he later discovered that he was indeed bi, but that was besides the point

The only thing he wanted more than anything was to develop the deepest and closest platonic & romantic relationship he could with anyone

And have them by his side as a friend and a lover, forever

He could not bring himself to perform as a person he was not just to uphold the expectations about what it meant to be a man

It felt like deep betrayal toward himself and the perfect recipe to be miserable forever in order to have company and be accepted by society

He always thought he was weird and doomed to be alone

Until you came into his life and outwardly expressed your need to have someone exactly like him into your life

You were literally the bright and warm light guiding him out of the dark and cold tunnel of loneliness

A dream of his that was once too good to be true

Was now a reality within reach

He could finally let hope fill his heart to the brim, like he always wanted to.

— the bird keeps gliding, with hope being the sole compass of his unpredictable voyage

The thing is, his plan was working on you

You really enjoyed the glimpses into his life and the occasional thirst traps

It kind of felt like texting a very sweet OF model

So you didn’t know why you still felt somewhat… empty

Like, he did answer your request to see more of him.

Of course it’s reassuring and rewarding to know that your secret admirer (and obsessive stalker) is literally eye candy

But you started to get scared about his true intentions

You knew he loved you for you

At least that’s what the countless love letters, acts of services and gifts he was constantly showering you with lead you to believe

And he has never been sexually suggestive in any way

But you still held back in your feelings in some way

You’ve always craved a special type of romantic connection to someone that was rooted in nothing but pure feelings of love and trust, not lust

And he was clearly giving that to you, at the moment

But.. he’s a drop dead gorgeous college boy in his early twenties

He statistically could not possibly be on the same page as you.

What will happen when he’ll start wanting more from you and you’re not gonna be able to give it to him ?

What will happen when on your first night together he’ll try to make a move on you and you’ll have to reject him ?

What will happen when you’ll be forced to open up about your lack of sexual attraction ?

Will he abandon you on the spot, like all these other guys ?

Or is he too far gone in his obsession with you, that he won’t be able to accept your rejection and his knee jerk reaction will be to be outright violent with you ?

Or worse : what if he’ll pretend to understand that “you need time” to get comfortable with him

Only to try to coerce his way into making you do something you simply don’t want to do ?

You want to enjoy this with him as much as possible, you really do

But these thoughts have always plagued your mind

And you had to share them with him to make sure that he stops getting attached to you before it’s too late.

You just couldn’t let hope fill your heart to the brim, even if you wanted to.

[judysxnd]

Proofs that Pedro Pascal and Y/n Y/l/n are dating (part 2)

I think I could do this every week, like a series, I like the idea! But actually doing it, is something different, especially because I tend to lose it at some point and forget to publish or I don’t have time 🤷🏻‍♀️ also, if you have any ideas for those, because I am already running out of them but I like doing them.. so, I’m open! And for the last pic, I feel like he would do this face like a shocked face but funny, I don’t really know how to explain it 😂

———————————————————————————

1) 12.04.2023, 3:57pm

A fan posted a video on Instagram. First we could see a woman, laughing with another person, another woman we assume. They were in a car. We can hear off camera “is that him?”, the other woman says yes, then turns the camera. Next to her car, there he was, Pedro. They were actually at a red light. He was driving. He did not see the women next to him yet. In the video, we could see another person next to him, but we don’t know who (yet). Then this person moves their position, lightly turning to the left, that’s when we see that it is actually Y/n Y/l/n, and that’s when she notices the woman filming them. At that moment, we could see that Pedro leaned a little towards y/n, but she pointed to the ladies before he could go further, which made him turn. He waved at them, but were quickly interrupted by a car honking at them. The light turned green. The video shows the car leaving. One woman said “what was he doing?” The other said “was he about to kiss her?”, then the video ends.

2) 14.04.2023, around 4pm

Pedro and y/n were seen leaving the gym together. Walking next to each other they were laughing a lot. Y/n was wearing a yellow sports bra and a dark grey short, holding a water bottle. Pedro was in shorts too and wearing his famous yellow lakers shirt, his shorts were also grey. They surprisingly had matching outfits.

3) 15.04.2023, 2:36am

Y/n posted a video on her story. She was in a club. The video started with her in a crowd, dancing. Next to her was a friend, coming to kiss her cheek for the video. Right behind y/n, a familiar face, Pedro Pascal. He absolutely did not see that y/n was making a video and was enjoying himself, dancing a little but mostly drinking his cocktail. Then y/n turned towards Pedro and said “say hi!”. As he didn’t hear her, he screamed “what?” Then looked at her phone. She came very close to him, whispering the same sentence to his ear. Then he came closer to the phone, looked straight at the camera, and said hi, and waved. “Who is it for?” He asked her. “I’m posting it on Instagram!” They looked at each other. He was giving her a look that said “that is not a good idea” and she gave him a look that said “I know but I’ll do it anyway”, then the video stopped as they were laughing.

4) 17.04.2023, 10am (ish)

Pedro and y/n were seeing grocery shopping together. Some fans posted pictures during the day, with the two of them together (and the fan of course). One fan stated that they saw Pedro kiss y/n’s forehead but there were no pictures nor videos.

5) 19.04.2023, 6:13pm

Pedro posted a video on his Instagram story. First we could see him, and we could see he was in a car, but not driving. Then, he turned the camera to his legs, and we could see a hand on his thigh. He moved the camera towards the driver, and it was y/n, looking ahead. When she saw that he was filming, she took her hand away, and put it in front of her mouth, pretending to be shocked. Then she smiled, her eyes switching from the road to the phone. Then Pedro turned the camera back to his face, making a weird shocking face before laughing. We could hear y/n laughing too. Then the video ended. Y/n reposted it on her story later too, adding : “got to give attention to my passenger princess”

[stylish-fish]

A List of Miscellaneous Rouxls Kaard Headcanons

(because i keep thinking about him A LOT and feel like sharing some of my thoughts)

1. He came up with the fancy spelling of his name himself. His name was originally written how it's pronounced (rules card).

2. A lot of the way he presents himself is based on trying to appear "historical" because he's convinced that makes him look sophisticated and superior. He, however, doesn't really know that much about history and is usually just making stuff up. He will often also just come up with historical "facts" to back up his lifestyle with. For example, he likes eating bugs, so he will tell people that this is what they did back in the 1600s or Middle Ages, and he's just being "Authenticke" and not weird at all.

3. Makes his voice sound deeper on purpose. Voice gets more high-pitched when he's distressed. Overall, the pitch in his voice varies A LOT, it can go from very low to very high even in the same sentence. He does that to appear dramatic, of course.

4. Was originally simping for the King, which changed pretty quickly though when the Lightners came along. Terrible taste in men, I know. He is really into evil tyrants in general.

5. Before being promoted to the Duke of Puzzles, he had never been very high-ranking at all. In fact, his former position was among the most insignificant the court could offer. That didn't stop him from very much pretending to be a distinguished nobleman to everyone he met. He pretty much believed he was "destined" to be important and high ranking, and surely would end up as such some day.

6. Assuming the Darkners' ages work in any way similar to those of the Lightners', he is currently ~32 years old.

7. Writes dramatic love poetry for his lovers with a quill and ink, but he isn't very good at it at all. To him it's mostly about desperately trying to convince his love interest of how good of a partner he is and how much being with him will be worth it and his way of going at it is just talking about how hot and talented and intelligent he is for 3 pages. He sees that as a surefire way to convince people to be with him. He might then offhandedly mention how "Evile and Powerfule" his love interest is in the final verse.

8. Never bothered to learn the difference between "thou" and "you", thinks they're interchangeable.

9. Nobody really knows what exactly he is or where he came from. It's believed even he doesn't know. This kind of sets him apart from other card darkners, who have suits and families they belong to — he has none, he's an anomaly as far as he's concerned. He's never met his biological family.

10. His accent used to originally be part of a show he'd put on to impress the kings and he would still talk normally to people of lower rank. However, the accent became ingrained with his everyday speech pretty quickly and now he just uses it all the time. It does still drop occasionally, especially when he becomes distressed. He also uses it less when he's being sincere or less stressed.

11. Back when he was the shopkeeper of Card Castle, Lancer would be his most frequent customer. Lancer, of course, either never had any money on him or would try to use something utterly bizarre as payment, so Rouxls would just end up giving him worms and the roux for free and pretending to hate it. That's pretty much what Lancer's diet consisted of in those days. Rouxls, of course, never gained any funds from this.

12. He has a distaste for sweet things and much rather prefers eating savoury food like worms and other slimy and soft foods like that. They are sometimes cooked, but very rarely.

13. Under the King's rule, he was pretty much considered someone who you would not want to get into an argument or drama with. Not because he was particularly impressive or formidable at it, but because if he felt like any of his subjects outclassed or humiliated him, he'd use his influence get them to jail for petty reasons and/or fabrigated charges. That's how much he cared about his image. He wasn't that good of a government official in general, he was incompetent and could pretty easily be bribed into doing anything.

14. He likes tasting different expensive wines and acting all pretentious about them because he's certain that makes him look like a sophisticated guy. However, he doesn't actually like them that much. His most well-guarded secret is that he only enjoys really cheap and shitty vodka mixes.

15. He enjoys gossip and as the Duke of Puzzles in Card Castle he would oftentimes eavesdrop the castle servants when they were gossiping about something. However, a lot of the time he would just become disappointed because it was just about him, and worse than that, absolutely embarrassing (and true) things as well. He ended up interrupting the conversations a lot and emphasizing just how WRONG they are about him — but not appearing very convincing at all, further fueling the rumors and even accidentally creating new ones.

16. Having found the Thrash Machine in the trash, he's gone to trash dump a lot in general. He particularly looks for things like old books, furniture, decorations and other antique he can use for his room or sell at his shop. It's a fun hobby of his.

[ghulehunknown]

Papa Headcanons - Sick Days 🤧

Rated PG!

These are my headcanons of how the Papas act while sick vs reacting to you being sick.

Thank you BugbiteWrites on AO3 for the idea!

Primo

When he’s sick:

Ignores his symptoms for as long as possible until he can no longer deny them

Downplays his symptoms even when you act very concerned for his well-being

Insists you stay away so you don’t get sick too

Worries about his plants while he’s too sick to care for them

When you’re sick:

Babies/dotes on you

Insists you go to bed immediately even if it’s just the sniffles

Makes you tea with the herbs and things from his garden

Keeps asking if you’ve taken your medicine

Secondo

When he’s sick:

Pretends he isn’t sick but knows when to admit defeat

Looks very grumpy, clearly annoyed he couldn’t just avoid the germs

Worries about the state of the Ministry while he’s unable to work, but trusts you and the ghouls will keep things running

Doesn’t ask for much except he really wants blue Gatorade

When you’re sick:

Insists you stop working and go to the doctor

Immediately sends a ghoul to get medical supplies for whatever your ailment is once you get a verdict from the doctor

Is still very busy but makes time to check on you

It was his idea to bring you a humidifier and you think it’s helping

Hand feeds you chicken noodle soup

Terzo

When he’s sick:

When he starts feeling the symptoms he over exaggerates them

Acts like he’s dying when he’s just got a little cold

Asks “Is that you, <name>?” and coughs weakly everytime you enter the room

Very sad he can’t have sex while he’s out of commission

Says “If I’m getting sick then so are you!” before kissing you and giggling. He just wants to lay in bed with you while he feels bad 🥹

When you’re sick:

Very dramatic, acts as if you may die if he doesn’t help you

Probably would give you an entire bottle of cold medicine because he thinks more will get you better faster

Likely does more harm than good when “helping you” but he’s trying, he’s just a little dumb

Keen on the idea of “playing doctor” with you but he has no clue what he’s doing, he’s just horny (“I must undress you immediately! And…put you into something more comfy…”)

If you’re sick first and do end up getting him sick too he acts annoyed, and reminds you every 5 minutes that you’ve sentenced him to death

Copia

When he’s sick:

He is NOT brave, in fact he cries a little if his tummy hurts

Feels guilty for taking time away from work

You catch him scribbling away at his desk before whisking him back off to bed

“But…but how will the Ministry run if I am not there?” (It’ll be just fine, Copia…)

Wants you and only you to take care of him

Keeps asking for cheese (even though that’s probably what gave him a stomach ache)

When you’re sick:

Takes you to urgent care even when you insist it’s just allergies

Attempts to make you soup but burns it. (You don’t care because your sense of smell and taste is gone)

Checks on you frequently and keeps taking your temperature

Has alarms on his phone each time period you’re supposed to take more medicine and feeds them to you himself

Nihil

When he’s sick:

He denies, denies, denies he is unwell

Finally he succumbs and lays down, exhausted and claims he “doesn’t know what’s going on”

Once he actually lays down he admits he might be sick and acts like a baby

Gets a little more grumpy than usual because he doesn’t know how to communicate his needs while he’s feeling bad

When you’re sick:

Doesn’t want whatever you’ve got so he calls the medical ghoul to come check on you

Buys you a “get well soon” balloon from the store

Keeps asking if you feel better yet

[radiobyers]

why mike’s sexuality can’t affect his relationships fate — no matter what his sexuality is:

an analysis of m*leven’s relationship & specifically why i believe that mike being straight still would not equate to him & eleven being endgame.

mike wants nothing more than to feel special for his differences, but el sees him — & being with him — as normal & undeniably, mike’s life has been a lot more “normal” than hers. el wants nothing more than to live a normal life but mike sees her as a “superhero”. el lies to him about her life in california to cope with bullying. she can’t control the bullies but she can escape through fantasy & make mike believe that she’s settling in.

the duffers describe mike as a kid who “escapes” through fantasy gaming. he learns to play d&d to cope with bullying because pretending to save the party from supernatural forces makes him feel stronger. in season 4, he can’t comprehend why el can’t find comfort in being a “superhero” when she’s experiencing bullying, because all he wants is to feel like a superhero. (linked: see page 13, titled: “the kids”. sentence 4 under “will byers”.)

i made a post a while ago about the above scene’s parallel, here.

el admiring things in nancy’s bedroom, calling nancy pretty & asking mike if she’s “still pretty” without nancy’s wig on, has nothing to do with mike at all. it is el trying to comprehend & take on the life of a normal girl. nancy was the first girl she had seen outside of the lab & the life the wheeler’s lived was very new to el. it is a consistent plot line that she just wants to be a regular child. it’s why her friendship with max is so good for her. max wants to partake in typical teenage girl activities & shows el how to join in.

however, el’s new interest is not something that she can enjoy with mike. season 3, episode 2 makes it clear that while el is really enjoying her time shopping with friends, mike hates every moment of his. as a matter of fact, none of mike’s interests can be shared with el either. they quite literally don’t share any common ground other than both liking presents. that sounds like an over-exaggeration but it isn’t. mike even stops playing d&d when el is around, but as soon as she moves away, he becomes passionate about it again.

they don’t watch movies together, they don’t bond over food & they don’t have any real conversations, unless they’re talking about the upside down. lucas & max see movies together, read comics & have inside jokes. dustin & suzie bond over movies, sing together & share most of the same nerdy interests. in comparison to other couples their age, mike & el don’t seem to connect. here’s an example of how differently lumax & m*leven bond from season 3, episode 5:

max & lucas are both happy to sit together, snacking & reading. mike & el are sitting beside them reading the ingredients list on a packet of m&ms. they’ve just gotten back together but instead of catching up or talking about it, they’re reading the contents label on a packet of m&ms… the directors could have given them something else to converse over, but alas, i have nothing to suggest as a replacement.

the m*leven-byler triangle

while this love triangle is complicated, will being in love with mike is not a spanner in the works. in season 4, will does not intend to break these two up, nor is he prepared to expose his feelings to mike. will isn’t an obstacle that m*leven needs to overcome. so why are his feelings so involved in the plot? foreshadowing!

will, a queer character, has a false understanding of mike & el’s relationship. he thinks that they’re happy & in love but they’re anything but happy in st4. however, will does not know that so he gives up hope & waits for his feelings to pass. except they can’t pass, because he’s getting mixed signals. doesn’t that situation sound awfully familiar? you’re thinking of robin & vickie.

in case you need a reminder; robin loses hope that vickie may love her back because she assumes that vickie is already happily in love with a boy. however, vickie’s boyfriend breaks up with her shortly after this so apparently they were not all that happy or in love. the foreshadowing here is that m*leven are headed in the same direction as the “happy couple” in robin’s scene.

vickie’s sexuality was not mentioned in the show at all, yet, the audience believes her to be queer from her actions. do you see how easy it was for them to break up a presumably straight couple & introduce one of those characters as queer?

however, the interesting difference between robin & will in these scenes is that robin looks devastated but will does not look heartbroken at all. in fact, he looks happy. mike however… he looks all over the place. i have no idea why mike’s expressions change so drastically, but i do know that finn wolfhard is a very expressive actor, so i’m willing to bet that he’s trying to convey a mixture of mike’s emotions here.

final note on this: if you read this far, i love you!! i could go on but this is way too long. i’d like to say that i do believe that there’s a lot of love between mike & el but ultimately, their love is not compatible. i may do a contrast post where i discuss how aligned mike & will’s hobbies/goals are because it was fun to get this out of my brain. anyway, i am 100% sure that no other character will be at fault if they aren’t endgame, because they were never built to last in the first place.

[censoring the ship name so it doesn’t show up for shippers]

[igotanidea]

Empty promises: Nikolai Lantsov x reader

A/N: first of all, sorry to everyone wainting for "Traitor", but I felt the need to write something sad and heart wrenching so here;s that. For now. Angst coming right next. Oh, and you have been warned, this is sad. And got spoilers for ep.4/5.

***

„Alina? Are you decent?” Y/n peeked through the door the very second the queen’s seamstress left the room.

“Y/n! Please, come in. It’s so good to see your face.” Alina struggled in the dress “I wish I could greet you properly but I can’t, quite, move in this.”

“Oh, yes, I’ve heard some rumors about certain Saint and the outfit trouble.” Y/N laughed wholeheartedly ”I don’t think it’s really your style, no matter what the queen mother may have to say about that. I may have an idea to save you from that torture though. If, you let me, that is.”

“Please. Anything.” Alina shook her head

“All right then. You know, a tailor would probably be better with the fitting, but as an Inferni I can surely give you something to boost your confidence” Y/N started turning around, picking another outfit for sol koroleva.

“Y/N.” Alina said and the timbre of her voice made the other Grisha stop in her track and look up “How… How are holding up? With me and Nikolai….?”

“I’m fine” Y/N assured quickly. Too quickly to make it believable. “I just ….” She sighed deeply, gathering all the strength she had to finish that sentence “I just wish he told me sooner, you know. Not just leave me like that. Given all we have… had….” she corrected and covered a little tremble by coughing “But he just left me as surprised as any other Grisha in the room when he announced your engagement and  it feels like betrayal, Alina. “ she went silent for a minute “but yes, apart from that I am perfectly fine. Now, let’s focus on the suit.”

“Y/N” Alina grabbed her hand gently “I am sorry for what you are going through right now.”

“Well, we all have our burdens to carry, right? I suppose this is mine.”

“I know it does not make anything better, but I know about heartbreak and making tough choices. Nikolai loves you in a way he would never feel about me. And I feel that for Mal. This is all just a political alliance, nothing more.” Alina assured.

“You know, sancta, when Nikolai left to be Sturmhond I spend two years searching for him, east to west and south to north. And when I did and we got together this was the best time of my life. And I shouldn’t have enjoyed the sea so much, but with him, I did.  And even then I always had this little tingling inside my head. A sneaky voice that was telling me, that we would not last. Turns out I was right. And truly, no one is to blame for that.” The Inferni smiled sadly “This should do the work” she raised the garments she prepared for Alina “I should better go before the seamstress came back. Just for now pretend you’ll wear the dress , all right? Can’t show all the cards at once.” And with such words, she left the chamber, unnoticed by anyone.

The next person to come to Alina was not even remotely as welcomed as Y/N. Vasily came for a little chat coated with veiled threat and perhaps a bit of a warning, but Alina was too strong to let him beguile her.

And then, when time came Nikolai appeared at the door for a little pep talk.

“Well, you look lovely” he smiled eyeing Alina already up and ready in her second army regimentals.

“Y/N came and helped me put this little thing together. So much better than….” Her gaze focused on the dress nearby and the girl rolled her eyes.

“She’s been avoiding me.” The prince said sadly “not that I blame her, but how can she not miss my company even a little? Am I so easily forgettable. She really acts like I’ve grown a pair of horns or started breathing fire…..” he tried to keep his cool and joke around but Alina knew him well enough to see through it.

“She’s an Inferni. A little fire could never discourage her.  But she’s hurt. Twice as much since you kept her in the dark about this whole arrangement.”

“I wanted to save her pain. And possibly myself.”

“’You failed at that.” Alina pouted

“Anyway, I got something to complete the look.” He took a step closer and reached inside his pocket retrieving a green gem “the Lantsov emerald….”

“Nikolai, we don’t have to do this, if it’s too hard. “

“Let’s just keep the pretenses up, shall we? Just remember, shall you decide to punch me, you will probably take my eyes out with this on, and I would not like that.”

***

 “Have you seen Mal?” Alina started spinning around, searching for the one face she so desperately needed to see “It’s not like him to be late.”

“Perhaps your little tracker is not such a fan of festivities as you.” Vasily approached the pair from behind, with some drink in his hand and Alina immediately excused herself, leaving two brothers alone.

“You know, my little brother” Vasily started “I always knew you would not end up with that little Inferni. Why settle for a commoner when there’s a living saint in the palace.” He laughed and took a sip on his drink. “now you will get fire from someone else! I’m sure the Sankta had a lot of it, judging by her actions. And Y/N. Waste of time. She was always a challenge, even when she was a kid.”

“Don’t you dare talking about her like this.” Nikolai hissed, but still kept straight face in a prince-like manner

“Why do you even care at this point, brother? From what I know, she’s been avoiding you, am I right? But look” he pointed out in the crowd, where Y/N was talking to Nadia and Tamar, laughing for the first time in a while “she’s right there. Don’t you wanna talk to her. If has any dignity, which I doubt, she would not cause a scene in public.”

Even though Nikolai knew his brother was only goading him, his brain shut off when legs carried him towards the other side of the ballroom, straight to her.

“Y/N.” he spoke and all three girls turned around, each one of them showing different expression. Tamar was curious of what was going to happen, Nadia a bit stressed out about her friend, and Y/N…. Y/N was just in pain and nothing could have hid it.

“Moi tsarevich”  she bowed, avoiding his eyes

“Please, stop it. Can we… can we talk for a minute? Please.”

“We are  not going to interrupt you….”Nadia started, but Tamar was on the other side of the barricade in the matter.

“I will. I’m not leaving her with you in this state, Nikolai. You know, you are both my friends, but she’s the victim not the other way round. “

“Tamar” Y/N put a hand on her shoulder “it’s all right. It will be just a minute to clarify this little misunderstanding . I’ll be with you before you notice I was gone.”

“I still don’t like it…” Tamar muttered, but let Nadia drag her away to have a little chat with Adrik and watch Alina. When they both left Y/N took a deep breath and before Nikolai was able to say a thing she took the lead of the conversation.

“Nikolai. I don’t really think it’s appropriate to leave your fiancé alone. Especially with Vasiliy acting like a predator tonight.”

“Vasiliy is drunk.”

“He’s been drunk since the age of 18. Remember that time when we played a prank on him and had to run through the palace in the middle of the night?” she smiled

“And when we ended up squeezed in the cupboard to avoid his wrath? Yes, I remember that.” Now they were both laughing outloud “I also remember what happened later on….”

“Nik. Stop it” she warned, her cheeks getting a bit flushed. Of course he had to refer to the moment they shared their first kiss “this is not the time or the place.”

“My feelings for you did not change.”

‘And do you think mine did? But you are engaged now. And I get it, Nik, I really do. You did what you though was right, as always and I can’t blame me for that. We are all pawns in this crazy political game and the point is to minimalize the  damage. If that means you getting with Alina then I cannot interfere. I still be there for you both. Even if it is in the sideline.

“Y/N…. I….”

“It’s all right” she raised her hands almost embracing him, but stopped herself in the last minute. “You should probably go join your family, your mother has been eyeing us for a while now and she knows we have past. Can’t risk anyone getting suspicious, right? Moi tsarevich” she bowed and went back to join Tamar, Adrik and Nadia, who pulled her into a hug.

From then on, everything started happening extremely fast. Vasiliy came onto the podium to gave some mockery speech about his brother, the man of the hour, but in the middle of it, Darkling’s shadow monster decided to drop by and well, cause a little havoc, killing the speaker and some other gathered people. It was chaos. Alina, Tamar, Adrik, Nadia and Y/N were trapped on the one side of the room, while the Lantsov (or rather whatever was left of this family) where stuck on the other.

“They have no heart, no pulse, no nothing!” Tamar exclaimed trying to use her heartrender powers

“Every creature has a weakness” Adrik spit, observing the monsters carefully from behind the table they used as some sort of shield, Y/N following in his steps.

“Those are shadows” the girl said “Look, Adrik, you were right, they have to be in their full form to touch and hurt someone!”

Before another shadow could attack Nikolai and his mother, Adrik came from one side throwing a gust of wind his way, Nadia doing the same on the other. Y/N used this as an opportunity to grab a spark from the nearby candle and throw a fireball straight into the middle of it. For a second, when the monster was tearing apart her gaze met with Nikolai’s who was just frozen like a deer in the spotlight.

“GO!” she yelled at him “Take whoever you can and GO!”

“Everyone into the tunnels!” Nikolai ordered, but before he himself rushed off, he just threw one last glance at his one true love and moved his mouth silently.

“Come back to me.”

***

“You three go find Alina, I’ll go check if there’s anyone lost in the corridors to get them to safety” Y/N commanded her friends ready to run the other way

“Have you lost your mind!?” Tamar spit at her “You are not going anywhere alone.”

“I’ll be fine Tamar.”

“Yeah, I’ve heard that from you hundreds times before.”

“And I am still alive. A little bruised and scared but alive. Not planning on dying today, I swear. Alina needs you three and there’s no time, so I’ll just see you downstairs. GO!”

***

 She was running one of the palace corridors, stating with the greatest relief that all the Grisha that were not killed were off the palace and probably on the way to the tunnel. She almost reached the entrance, but mere meters before, another shadow monster blocked her way.

“Oh, Saint!” she hissed annoyed and focused her energy to gather just a little bit of flame since sadly, there wasn’t any external source of it anywhere near. It was always harder to get fire from nothing, but it used to work for her. Most of the times.

Not this one.

The fire that came out of her hands were so weak it barely reached the shadows let alone cause them any harm.

“Oh, shit…” she mumbled when darkness enveloped her whole and tried once again, this time fueled by fury and worry about her friends. Maybe Tamar was right and she shouldn’t have left them. Nonetheless that was not the time to dwell on the past mistakes, since it was extremely hard to breath inside that fog the monster were created from. It was like all of a sudden she found herself in the fold again, broken and scared. “Hell no! I am not dying today” she put her hands up causing a flare and dissipated the shadows finally getting herself free.

If only it wasn’t for that cut with sharp, thorn-like edges on her  leg, which she did not notice or feel.

***

“Is everyone safe?” Nikolai came from one entrance to the tunnels, meeting with Alina and Tamar coming from the opposite.

“Adrik got hurt in the arm, Nadia is with him.” Alina explained “the healers are taking care of the injured. What about the ones you came with?”

“Saved as many as possible” Nikolai turned around “where is …..?”

“That idiotic girl left us and came for the rescue. I told her she should not….” Tamar’s voice broke a little

“Where is she, Tamar?!”

“We… We don’t know…..”

“I’m here!” all the emotions he felt upon hearing her voice where just too much to handle and not caring about anyone  or anything or whether he was acting like an engaged prince he took off running towards her, wrapping arms around her and pulling her close to his chest.

“You’re safe, love. You’re safe.” He whispered again and again caressing her back, tangling fingers In her soft, messy hair and just getting lost in her.

“Nik…” she gasped taking a sharp inhale “I… I don’t really feel so good….” She stumbled a bit and this made him worry.

“I know, darling, but you were so brave up there. You saved my life with that little trick of yours. And you always said you couldn’t do fireballs. Guess me being in danger enhanced your…..”

“Nik, I really do not feel good” she mumbled and all her strength suddenly left her when her legs gave up and she collapsed into his arms, the embrace being the only thing shielding her from falling straight to the ground.

“Y/n? Come on, tell me, what is it, where does it hurt?” he started panicking just in the slightest.

“My leg….”

“May I?” he hesitated before lifting the material of her pants.

“Saints! Stop being a gentleman now! ” Tamar hissed and started tearing the pant-leg “I wish you were this polite at all those night on the ship instead of giving the crew sleepless nights “Oh….”

“How… how bad is it?” Y/N asked, raising her head from where It laid on Nikolai’s chest and he quickly turned her head away.

“It’s gonna be fine” he assured, grabbing her righter and kissing her temple “I’ll get you to a healer, all right?”

“Mhmmm……” she mumbled, slowly losing consciousness.

“I’m gonna lift you now, ok?” one of his hands sneaked around her back, the other went below her legs when he moved her from the ground “you’re gonna be ok, just don’t close your eyes, love.”

Out of instinct Alina wanted to join them on their walk to healers, but Tamar stopped her.

“Don’t” she shook her head, eyes a bit glassy.

“No.” Alina just stated. “Please tell me it’s not….” bus since Tamar was a heartrender there was really no point in arguing.

***

“Nik…. You smell so good.” Y/N hid face in his chest, locking arms around his neck

“I am all sweaty from the fight and running, honey. As much as I love what you are saying I do not smell good.”

“You smell like the ocean.” She smiled lightly “Like the sunny day on volkvolny”

“We’re going to have a thousand more of such days so you could dwell on the smell.”

 “I…. I don’t really think so, Niki.” She hissed in pain when he reached one of the makeshift flop and called upon the healer

“Always a joker, aren’t you?”

“I wish” she started coughing, a little blood appearing on the hand she tried to cover her mouth with. “Tell me the truth, Nik. How bad is it. Cause it hurts like hell.”

“I don’t want to look. I;m not a healer, I don’t have any experience…..”

“You…” she gasped “are a trained soldier. You know about wounds. Tell me.”

“It’s not good” he closed his eyes almost like those words caused him unimaginable pain and grabbed her hands. “but the healers…..”

“The healers have too much work on their hands. And judging by your voice….” She coughed  a bit more

“Sh, don’t say anything more. Let me just… Grigori!” he called upon one of the corporalki “she needs help.”

“Immediately, moi tsar” Grisha answered and it was probably the first time Nikolai realized that he was the king now.

“Moi tsar” Y/N smiled faintly “it suits you so well, lapushka. Auch! It hurts….”

“I’m sorry Y/N, this wound is unusually deep and it seems like there’s some kind of venom in your veins, going straight to the heart and…..” Grigori started slurring

“There’s nothing you can do, right?” she asked simply

“I’m so deeply sorry, Y/N, moi tsar.”

“Not your fault.”

“Leave us.” Nikolai hissed through gritted teeth and Grigori practically run away trying to avoid king’s fury “Y/N….” he leaned toward her, cupping her pale cheek and caressing it gently “I don’t want you to go….”

“Selfish. As usual. You don’t want me to go, mhm. Do you think I…. auch, want to die like this?”

“I need you with me….” He kissed the top of her head

“Selfish. Again. You got the sun summoner now."

"You are my sun."

"Stop flirting with me on .... on my .... death.... deathbed" she squirmed trying to lift herself up but it was too painful “Help… me….” She panted and Nikolai grabbed her waist with one hand and supported her back with another “I don’t have much time left… I feel it almost in my heart….”

“I don’t want to go on without you.” he whispered

“I know.” tears started showing in her eyes and he wiped them away breathing heavily “I’m scared Nik” she admitted trembling “I feel so cold. Can you just hold me? I don’t….” she gulped “I don’t want to go alone….”

“I’m here with you. No matter where you go, afterlife, I will find you, I swear.”

“Not if…ekhem! Oh, saints, it hurts so much” she cried and his heart broke at that sobbing coming from her. The sounds he would never recover from. Reminded that he failed to protect the only person he ever truly loved. And to think she was dying in his arms, while he was about to marry another woman. This was like a punch in the guts “not if I hunt you first.”

“I love you” he just had to say it. Maybe it was selfish again, but he needed to know that were the last words he said to her “I love you and I will always love you.” he kissed her knuckles, looking straight into her eyes. “I love you.”

“I love you too, Nik. And I’m sure you will….” Her voice was becoming so small, so quiet, almost audible in all commotion “… have a long, happy and fulfilled life. You’ll be great king. And a father…. I….” she closed her eyes “I’ll see you later, Nik…..” and just like that there was silence.

And this was the exact moment Tamar clenched her fist and faced the wall, her back to other Grishas so no one would see single tear falling from her eye.  

She said she’ll be fine…….  Empty promises always hurt the receiving end  of those.

***

“Nikolai? We need someone to get everyone together and ….” Zoya was blissfully unaware of the tragedy that just fell upon the king and was her usual self when she entered the part of tunnels were healers were stationed “what… what happened?”  she stuttered at the view in front of her eyes.

Nikolai was not a king at the moment. He was just a broken man who just lost the love of his life. Not crying, just sitting next to her still figure, holding and caressing her cold hand, unable to stop. Almost like he was in a trance. For what he cared the world could stop spinning and it would not make any difference for him. But for her…. He was going to do anything to avenge her death. But he would do that in a second, for now, he just wanted and needed to stay with her a bit more, even if that meant just watching her face, surprisingly peaceful and running a hand through her hair.

If only he could indulge in that greedy need.

“Goodbye, my love….” He whispered planting one final kiss on her forehead and tugging at his hair stood up to protect and guide his people, his subjects.

[greenerteacups]

The great hormonal storms in book 5 lead me to this ask: let's talk about sex. Or at least sex ed. Does Hogwarts have it (at least in LH'verse)? Is that a nurse duty or a Head of House one? Did Narcissa sit her baby boy down for The Talk, at least to impart how Miss Granger would return to her parents in the same state she left them or at least unimpregnated? Did she outsource that task to Uncle Severus? Did Ron share what his older brothers passed down? What does our favorite victorian-in-spirit know abt sex beyond "lie back and think of the bloodline" and his hormonal daydreams?

I'm l o s i n g it at the idea of Narcissa instructing Draco to leave Hermione "unimpregnated," which, I just — I think the minute she uses those things in the same sentence, Draco hits the road at the speed of Mach Christ. He's gone. He's not here. He's not in the building. Can't have the Sex Talk if you can't fucking catch me, Mom. (For the record, I can fully see Narcissa trying. She's much less prudish than Draco is — gossips about adultery with her 11-y/o son on Christmas morning, references Ye Olde Wilde Times with Lucius, cracks the occasional bawdy joke, etc. — she just doesn't often see the need to discuss it, being aware that Draco, as far as she knows, remains an un-Awakened little Victorian. The Great Granger Debacle of 1995 is likely raising her suspicions there.) That said, Draco knows what sex is; for some reason my mind gravitates to the slightly handwavey answer of "boy's dormitory." I'm picturing him in his four-poster, curtains drawn, pretending to be asleep, while Ron and Harry have a free-ranging, horrifically creative conversation about what Ron thinks sex is (courtesy of the twins). Optimistically, Neville hops in with corrections from Augusta Longbottom's sexual etiquette seminars. Either way, Draco never, ever reveals that he has heard this conversation.

Or, alternatively, he and Theo have a really intense heart-to-heart during that summer before third year, which would do a lot to explain why the two of them are so weird about each other basically for the rest of time. (Raising the question of where Theo/Pansy/Daphne learned it. At age 12, Pansy got an excruciatingly detailed Talk from her mother, who was scared to death of a teen pregnancy pitching their family into ruin; Pansy, deciding it was unfair she had to suffer this and Theo did not, inflicted said Talk on Theo, who was just relieved that he didn't have to ask Sibelius. And Daphne grew up around so many healers that she just badgered them until someone gave in and told her. She's also a stated connoisseur of trashy romance novels, so. Make of that what you will.)

I think that Hogwarts, being modeled in mores and general Vibe from old English boarding schools, probably is not the most forward-thinking with sex ed. I also do believe Severus Snape would sooner jump off a bridge, and I kind of need him for the plot, so I've got to spare him that grave and important duty. Poppy Pomfrey probably gets the question the most of any staff member, and over the years, I think she's honed her answer down to a tight 3 minute-monologue that covers all major topics.

Odds and ends in the same vein:

Hermione gets a sit-down with the Drs. Granger the summer before her thirteenth birthday, so sometime in August, 1992. It is meticulously explained and flawlessly presented, with color-coded diagrams, an index, and a syllabus. It includes a diagnostic chart for common STIs and a spreadsheet on birth control options. Dr. Granger gets excited after a tangent about ovarian cysts and runs to pull out her old copy of Grey's. Hermione spends the whole time fully miserable, wondering why parents couldn't be like, greengrocers or something. (That doesn't stop her from asking questions, obviously.)

Ron, like all Weasley men of his generation, gets a knock on his door sometime around his 14th birthday, and Arthur invites him to "go fishing." This is code for "stand by the river and try to keep a will to live while your dad explains the mechanics of sex, its importance, and the value of waiting until you feel comfortable and safe sharing that level of intimacy with a trusted partner" (sic).

Fred and George got separate talks, because Arthur wanted to emphasize that he sees them as individuals; however, Fred ran back and immediately recounted it all to George, who proceeded to feign extraordinary expertise in it the next morning, to his father's horror.

Ginny's "go fishing" equivalent is Molly taking her out for tea and delivering a well-meant but incoherent combination of abstinence-only sex ed, aggressive body positivity, and highly technical discussions of how to insert a diaphragm. Ginny, who bullied the real story out of Bill years ago, is baffled, and to this day can't say for sure what she was supposed to take away from it.

Harry spends his 14th birthday at the Burrow. Ron and his brothers make a blood pact in advance not to tell him about it, though, so when Arthur invites him out for the day on August 1st, his sole thought is: oh, nice! Can't wait for some fun fishing :)