#I think it turned out relatively well
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Oh yeah, so I actually made a Transformers fic out of one of the multiple random ideas I've had for such. Wrote it on my computer, as opposed to my usual method of iPad Notes
This one's the rain idea, but I'm going with the premise that Cybertron has acid rain. Adds some danger to it, that good angst
Also this isn't the full thing, since I have decided to make it multi-chaptered. Unfortunately, this means I don't know when I'll finish, especially since while I have ideas for the next couple scenes or so, I have no clue how I want to end things
Also also, the tags aren't very good because I literally have no clue what to tag it. I don't know what it falls under. Give me a break, it's been like, nearly two years since I last posted on Ao3. I had to figure out how to log back in again. But anyways, if anyone can help me in that regard, it would be much appreciated
I'm linking it so that you people can know I've done one of the things, and that also I might get to get more views and kudos and maybe even comments. I love me some attention and I get antsy over it when I post a fic, sorry
So anyways, yeah
#I probably could have been done with this some hours ago#if it weren't for the fact I got dragged out to lunch and then shopping#I wrote the last two pages or so on my iPad while we were out#I also now own a leather jacket#so that's fun#but anyways yeah#this#I think it turned out relatively well#(I mean the end's maybe not the best but oh well)#I want to write the angst of the Decepticons/High Guard finding Megatron's body#specifically Starscream since I know he's gonna be there and also he has a face#but yeah I think I'm done rambling for now#time to post this so people can go see it#if they want to that is#transformers#transformers one#fanfiction#my fanfic#megatron#starscream#the other two are there too but Starscream's the one in my brain
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How do you feel about Jack Drake?? What are your thoughts on him and Timās relationship?
Anon, I hope you were interested in a novel, because look, I am fascinated by Jack Drake.Ā Heās key to a whole lot of what I find compelling about Tim as a character, and if I were in charge of DC, Iād bring him back to life.Ā This would make Tim unhappy but would IMO make for good plotlines.
Jack and Timās relationship is Complicated (TM)...
Jack and Tim hug inĀ Nightwing 20 / Jack impulsively yanks a TV out of the wall inĀ Robin 45 / Tim grieves inĀ Identity Crisis
āI could tell the truth. Ā But I donāt.ā - Robin 66
...and it involves a whole lot of Tim lying, and feeling guilty about lying, and thinking about telling the truth, and choosing again and again to keepĀ lying.
And I think thatās great.
Below the cut:
Shorter version - key points about Jack
Really long version - my gentler take (vigilantism is choir and Jack loves sports) vs. my harsher take (Jack has some major flaws)
Final thoughts
Shorter version - key points about Jack:
Heās a badĀ parent.Ā Heās self-centered, he consistently prioritizes his own comfort and interests over his sonās, and when upset, he does things like order Tim off to boarding school.
But heās never a bad parent in an actionable way.Ā Heās not like David Cain or Arthur Brown, who are abusive monsters.Ā Jackās not a monster!Ā He just...kinda sucks.
He genuinely loves Tim.Ā If Jackās aware that Timās disappeared or is in trouble, heās always worried and upset.Ā He periodically resolves to be a better dad, and IMO heās always sincere.
And Tim loves him, a lot.Ā Timās protective of him and worries about him when heās kidnapped or in danger, and when theyāre reunited, Timās really relieved and usually hugs him (and Jack hugs back!).Ā
...But they have very little in common, and thatās a problem. Jack doesnāt value the things that Tim values, or respect the people that Tim admires, or care about the things that Timās interested in.Ā Tim lies to him a lot, but thatās partly because he correctly guesses Jack wouldnāt respond well if he knew the truth of what Timās up to.
The Batfamily is a surrogate family that Timās drawn to because of the ways his real family doesnāt meet his emotional needsā¦but also he feels guilty about that and disloyal. (And to the extent that his dad recognizes whatās going on, he's jealous and resentful!)
Very long version:
(LISTEN I HAVE SO MANY THOUGHTS ABOUT THIS)
Okay!Ā So first: Jackās a character who IMO is pretty up for interpretation.Ā You can interpret him veryĀ charitably, and make excuses for the bad behavior, and fill in the blanks sympathetically when situations are ambiguous; or you can interpret him uncharitably, and emphasize the bad behavior. I donāt think either approach is invalid - it depends on what kind of story youāre interested in!Ā I have enjoyed Bad Dad stories and also stories that redeem Jack.
My personal take on canon is that Jack and Timās relationship is in a gray area.Ā Ā Jack's definitely neglectful, and he does prioritize other things over Tim, but heās never so bad that Tim can easily reject him, and he's never so bad that Bruce could justify taking Tim away.Ā Ā He's just...not great.Ā Tim loves him, and feels loyal to him, but itās a very mixed-upĀ complicated love.
I have a gentler take and a harsher one which I switch between as the spirit moves me. xD
My Gentler TakeĀ (tl;dr: vigilantism is choir and Jack loves sports)
Hereās the core conflict: Jack and Tim are very different people with different values.Ā Tim idolizes Bruce and Dick and vigilantism, and secretly gets involved, knowing his dad will hate it. He gets increasingly wrapped up in his secret world and lies to his dad...because if his dad finds out, heāll make Tim quit.
This is a great setup for an ongoing comic.Ā Itās practical, because it provides endless potential for plotlines, and itās nicely thematic,Ā because it maps closely onto relatable real-life situations with extracurricular activities:
Tim the drama nerd whose dad thinks heās playing football and not in the school play;Ā
Tim the closeted-queer kid secretly getting involved in his schoolās politically-active Gay-Straight Alliance;Ā
Tim the choir kid whose dad only values making money and wants him to go into the family business (and Tim keeps promising himself he'll give up choir soon, definitely soon, but maybe he'll stay in just a liiiittle longer, because they need him, you see, the last tenor left town, so...);Ā
Tim the computer geek with the sports-obsessed dad (this oneās just canon);
etc. etc. Ā
The extracurricular metaphor works pretty wellĀ for Timās relationship to vigilantism.Ā Tim's involved in his "extracurricular" because he genuinely thinks it's important and fulfilling, and he values it and wants to be good at it. He idolizes Bruce and Dick because they're good at it. He's been collecting information about it since he was a little kid, and hiding it from his parents because he knows they wouldn't approve. And mayyyybe there's also an element of low-key rebellion against his dad, and maybe that's secretly part of the appeal. And yet also as Tim gets more and more invested, he starts to daydream: maybe I could tell my dad and he'd be proud of me and supportive. But he doesn't, because actually he knows his dad would be upset and angry and make him quit.
And - again, just like with lonely kids and extracurricular hobbies - one of the things that happens is that Tim starts getting his unfilled emotional needs met ... by people he knows through this secret hobby. And people like Bruce and Dick start turning into a surrogate family. Which Tim feels guilty about. And also as Tim gets more and more wrapped up in their world, he has to lie to his dad even more, which means the distance between Tim and his dad gets bigger and bigger and more and more unfixable.
I love this dilemma. It's simple, it's recognizable, it provides endless sources for conflict, and there's no obvious solution! Tim can't tell Jack: he'll make Tim quit! And Tim doesn't want to quit, because he loves choir / art / theater / whatever.Ā Yeah, itās difficult, and there are challenges, and sometimes he has doubts...but at the end of the day, he cares about it a lot.Ā And everything he values is there, and all the people he admires and cares about are there, and all he wants in the world is to feel like he's one of them and belongs there. So he has to lie, even though he doesn't want to lie, and he feels guilty about it...
...but also he ends up lying more and more.
(Sidenote: I think it's important that Tim chooses to keep lying - Tim's narration often glosses this as "I have to lie to my dad," and that's certainly how it feels to Tim, but this... isn't quite true. He has to lie to his dad, because if he doesn't, his dad will get mad at him and try to stop him, not because he literally has no choice about it.)
Other Reasons Why I Like The "Secret Extracurricular" Interpretation
(tl;dr it complicates not just Tim's relationship with his dad, but also all his other relationships)
Tim's problems have some obvious parallels to Steph and Cass, who both become vigilantes while rejecting their evil supervillain dads. But Jack isn't evil. And that means the Tim-and-Jack relationship is ambiguous and complicated in ways that I like. Steph and Cass can just leave their Bad Dads in prison, and say good riddance, and feel very righteous and triumphant about it! Timās more complicated.Ā Tim gets into vigilantism ostensibly out of duty and altruism, but secretly, he's also involved for straight-up selfish self-fulfillment reasons. He's lonely, and bored, and his life feels pointless, but he thinks that Bruce and Dick are cool and amazing and he wants to be a part of the things that they do.Ā When his dad gets jealous of Timās relationship to Bruce, and feels like Timās looking for a surrogate family, heās... not wrong.
And the ways in which Jack is not Actionably Bad complicate things from Bruce's POV.Ā If Jack was a straight-up villain, itād be an easy call to keep in touch when Jack finds out and makes Tim quit...but heās notĀ a villain, not really.Ā So what do you do?Ā Do you try to surreptitiously stay in touch with Tim even though youāre ignoring his dadās express wishes and thus forcing Tim to sneak around?Ā Do you respect his dadās wishes and stay away from Tim even though you have a years-long relationship at this point?Ā Ā
Again: a bit similar to the extracurricular analogy.Ā Say youāre the choir director and youāve built this whole relationship with a kid in the choir, and youāre an important mentor to him and you care about him etc. etc. etc.... and then right before a big performance, his dad finds out heās been secretly involved, and yanks him out.Ā How would you react?Ā Well, maybe kind of in some of the ways Bruce reacts.Ā You replace him. Youāre annoyed with him. You miss him. You want him to come back. Youāre also worried about him.Ā Youāre upset with his dad.Ā But also... what shouldĀ you do, exactly?
Bruce and Alfred and Dick care about Tim as if he were part of their family, but heās not part of their family, and thereās a lot of interesting tension there.
My Harsher Take
Jack never hits his son.Ā But his temper isĀ a big deal.
In his worst moments, he takes out his anger on Timās stuff - wrecking his room, or ripping his TV out of the wall and confiscating it. Ā When heās worried about Tim, he usually expresses that fear by yelling at him / punishing him / sending him away - threatening to send him to boarding school in Metropolis in Robin III, or threatening to send him to military school abroad in Robin 92, or actually forcing him to go to an all-boys' boarding school post-NML. Ā
This is bad behavior! Ā It is Not Good!Ā Ā
And you can easily connect the dots to a bunch of Timās terrible coping mechanisms, like the constant lying and or the fact that Timās go-to methods for dealing with interpersonal conflict are 1) repress it and pretend it never happened (most of his fights with Bruce), 2) withdraw from the relationship until he can pretend the conflict doesnāt exist (when his friends get mad at him in YJ, he quits the team for a while), or 3) literally run away from home.
Also, Jack is a Manly Man with firm opinions about how men behave vs. how women behave, and he thinks boys shouldnāt be scared and thinks Tim should date hot girls and pushes Tim to work out and wants him to play football and expresses period-typical sexism, etc. etc. etc. ... andĀ though obviously this wasnāt what the writers had in mind at the time, all of that is certainly interestingĀ to read backwards in the light of Tim as a queer character.
More Disorganized Thoughts on Jack Drake
Timās our hero, so weāre naturally more sympathetic to him, but itās also true that relationships are a two-way street, and Tim doesnāt value any of the things his dad values, either.Ā Jack at various points is shown to care about grades, business, money, boarding schools, archeology, football, a kind of macho bragging-about-dating-hot-women ethos, and a very public and performative kind of caring. Tim tends to respond with discomfort or disinterest or even disgust.Ā When Jack gets on TV to try to rally the government to save his son from No Manās Land, Tim isnāt touchedāheās mortified.Ā When Jack makes some bad investments and loses money, Jackās deeply upset and his self-image is majorly impacted, and far from being sympathetic, Timās annoyed and kind of contemptuous of the idea that this is a problem.Ā Jack thinks fishing in the early morning and going to tennis matches is a fun father-son activity; Tim finds it exhausting and tedious.Ā And so on.
This means that Tim often longs to be closer to his dad in theory, but this longing is more tied to fantasy than to reality. He rarely seems to enjoy spending time with His-Dad-The-Actual-Person.Ā So for example, when Timās deadly ill with the Clench, he has an extremely poignant fever dream about telling his dad the truth and getting huggedā¦even as he insists in real-life to Alfred and Dick that he does not want them to tell his dad whatās going on.
The same is true of Jack, who IMO genuinely wants to be closer to his son and is continually declaring that heās going to turn over a new leaf and get closer to his sonā¦and just as continually backs out of activities or loses his temper when faced with spending time with his actual son.
Tim and his dad sadly get along bestāby farāin Absence Makes the Heart Grow Fonder situations.Ā When Jack gets kidnapped or is in danger, Tim worries for him (and Tim grieves him deeply when he dies).Ā When Tim disappears or runs away, Jackās genuinely worried about him.Ā So e.g. they have a really moving emotional reunion and hug when the earthquake hits Gotham, and Tim panics about his dadās safety and comes running home (and meanwhile Jackās been panicked about Timās safety!).Ā Itās the day-to-day, regular life stuff where they donāt connect.
Jack's written quite differently by different writers.Ā Mostly, Tim's parents are at their least likable in his early appearances and early miniseries (this is where you get, for example, Jack and Janet being nasty at each other while a pained employee looks on, and Tim disappointed to once again get news of where his parents are via postcard - "I guess that sums them up!Ā Never knowĀ whereĀ theyāre going to beāorĀ whenāor evenĀ how long!ā - and Tim alone on school break, and Bruce and Alfred thinking there's something weird going on with Tim's parents, etc. etc.). Jack's more sympathetic but still often unlikable in most of Tim's Robin solo, and he's almost invisible (but positively treated if he does show up) in Tim's team books.
For obvious reasons, Jack's remembered way more sympathetically after his death. Tim's completely devastated by Jack's murder, which he arrives moments too late to prevent, and he basically never gets over it. We see him grieving Jack again and again in Robin, and also in Teen Titans, and also in Resurrection, and again in the Halloween Special, and again in Batman: Blackest Night, and all the way up to the end of Red Robin. Tim also grieves for an extended time over Janet - he hallucinates a happy reunion with her when he's feverish in Contagion, and hallucinates her in the final issue of Robin, and the reveal-your-buried-emotions song in Robin 102 brings up his grief for her too (meanwhile, other characters dance or laugh or otherwise get giddy).Ā Timās grief over his parentsā deaths is intense and long-lasting.
I'm not going to clip comic panels because this is long enough, but if you're curious, here's a nice and fairly lengthy compilation of comic panels with Tim and Jack.
If you're interested in a Jack-centric story with a softer-but-still-recognizably-canon take on Jack, I really like the way Jackās narration is written in the one-shotsĀ Heart Humble (set shortly before Jack dies) and Never a Hero (Ra's resurrects him during Brucequest, and Jack's archeology skills turn out to be unexpectedly useful).
#tim drake#jack drake#ask tag#i wrote this ages ago and now i can't remember what i was going to add to it so oh well draft amnesty? sorry for the long wait anon!! <333#anyway i kept this carefully on topic and virtuously did not derail into talking about the other blorbo but tags are for disorganization SO#for me this kinda half-in half-out place where tim is with the batfamily is SUCH an interesting part of his relationship with dick#and i never stop turning it over in my head#he's kiiiinda replaced dick in that he's robin - but in a very real way he *hasn't* - he's NOT bruce's new son the way jason was#and early!tim makes a BIG POINT of how bruce is not his dad#and i think this relative distance from bruce is a huge factor in why dick is able to build a close relationship with tim at all#(because dick's still pretty estranged from bruce!)#and there's such interesting tension there when dick starts jokingly calling tim ''little brother'' or when villains call them brothers#because they're NOT. increasingly they would both LIKE to be brothers! but dick has zero official standing in tim's life#if tim got hit by a car in his civilian identity bruce and dick wouldn't even be able to visit him without his dad's permission#which jack would be pretty unlikely to give! jack doesn't like or trust bruce!#or like. this is morbid. but if tim died. dick wouldn't even be invited to the funeral you know?#and there's such interesting tension there for me in the contrast between this vigilante relationship that's very very close#but in their civilian lives no one would assume they're anything in particular to each other#anyway the 1st half of tim's robin solo has this thread of tension between tim's family life vs. his vigilante life (plus his mom's death)#and then the second half + red robin has the thread of struggling with grief in a world that's not fair + feeling lost/alone#and these two threads are a big part of my interest in tim as a character! jack's the backdrop that makes a lot of stories possible
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how's life been
relatively peaceful, thanks <3 <3 <3
ha fool /aff you thougt i was gonna tell you what's goin on w my life? get greylocked
#college work is pretty simple these days#however i feel like sizif drawing one pretty simple piece for a week or so#the drawing in question unfortunately has nothing to do with the attached sketch btw but ehhh it cant be laying here without being shown#i think he turned out relatively well i just for some reason cant finish it#ivan shitson the killer of grass !!!
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tdov was like a week ago already but I just wanna say when I came over to vacation slash help my sworn brother move flat he told me, "ever since you said you wanted to get top surgery I've been thinking about it. it's straight up number two on my bucket list"
#bakuspeech#number one is a house bc obviously. if u can own a house wouldnt u#he was very drunk at that time of the evening. I was not bc I have the constitution of a hot air balloon and any stimulant will blow me up#(relatively new development. france fucked me up big time turns out)#we held hand on his bed for like the whole evening. it was honestly very funny in hindsight but we were extremely earnest in the moment#and Im like. working on this thing as well. I dont got meds or therapy lmao Im bootstrappin here#but yeah early last year his bf offered to get me meds and I... turned it down... I think I was worried abt like. idk. something#but one year past looking back Im fully like that was a stupid move you shouldve gotten meds. youve once again fucked urself baku#but yeah with that kinda realization Ive also come to realized I've somewhat? accepted. that I'm just gonna be. like this#this in light of a number of likely chronic stuff too (hence my balloon-like constitution lmao) and#that's kinda bled into the rest of me without me really noticing#but him bringing that up fully unprompted... kinda jolted me out of it#its just. really incredibly sweet. that someone doesn't want me to settle for what I make do with#and like. preps for that work. just kinda held my hand and told me it's possible to do this actually#I didn't really express how I felt very well in that moment I think my brain is very bad and I process emotions with like a day of delay#but. well. Im thinking abt it Right Now. so yknow thats the kind of impact that had on me lol#not super sure why I wrote all this down here really. I think I just want a good n nice reminder that object permanence is real#and I exist in my friends' life even when Im going insane in a hole by myself#and with the power of friendship we can alter the universe's plan for ourselves and also kill god#that's that. anyways I eat lunch now and then pass out probably. last night was... eventful lmao#but!! very good things on the horizon hopefully. well manifestly we hold hammers and we use them#have a good day lads. let's go out and slay monsters under a highway
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thinking about barton doing baby talk to his kids, even though he was eighteen when marcy gave birth to both matilda + louis and thus was a COMPLETELY different person, is honestly both super surreal to me and also surprisingly... sort of makes sense. because barton can NOT bring himself to be mean around babies; i mean at all, and this man loved his kids so much, which š well ā let me just say that his behavior has greatly changed since then, to say the least. though barton still believes he loves them in his 'own way'
#OF MONSTERS AND MEN: musings.#ahhh yeah... i just. idk what this mood is that i'm in right now but i just pictured barton being one of those dads that their toddler-#kids seem to ADORE but like š obviously he is no longer the same person because man's used to be able to comfort them relatively-#well and actually made more of an effort at emotionally supporting them. though i guess part of the reasoning for this could be that-#barton was trying to hold back his quote unquote 'blood-thirst' at this point and be like everyone else buttt now he doesn't care about-#fitting in with the rest of the population much at all. because his main job is literally to serve criminals (albeit medically) and he's a#freaking ORGAN tr*fficker for crying out loud. but the strange thing is is that this trait of his where he just can't be mean to babies-#has carried on throughout all these years with him + whenever barton's around one he mayyy or may not sometimes get baby fever š#so yeah. that's fun LOL but idk it just makes me a little sad thinking about how good barton used to be with them whenever they were small#and now with his mental health pretty much being on a steady decline + him seemingly turning more and more monstrous by-#the years it's always a gamble with the mathis kids as to whether they'll get to see a glimpse of this again or if they'll just get more of#the same father who provides for his kids physical needs such as food and shelter but not so much emotional needs + can be manipulative-#as HELL sometimes too#tw: mental illness.#tw: manipulation.#tw: mentions of organ trafficking.#tw: emotional neglect.
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#v arts#Star Wars#Rogue One#Solo#K-2SO#L3-37#pixel art#Microchip Flash Exchange#a ship I didn't even know I needed!#I think they turned out pretty well though I had to scale down L3-37 a bit to make their relative sizes work#machinery is complicated...
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I'm tired of trying to rummage through the dwindling search results just so I can maybe find something new to read ā I've been in the fandom for years, I partially grew up with it, it's basically part of my identity, it carried me through some of my worst years as of now, and it's horrible to see it slowly die day by day. It's no one's fault ā after all, I get why people would want to leave, and why they'd want to erase every trace of having loved these characters, the internet isn't forgiving once you've fucked up; there's no nuance and no mercy, so I get it.
But I'm not ready to leave yet. I don't think I'll ever be.
I want to keep growing alongside these characters, I want to live as they do and smile when they do ā cry and laugh and feel whenever they do. Yet now I have to come to terms with the death of this fandom, the one that saved me (for as dramatic as it sounds) and the one that cradled me when I needed a hug. The one that made me feel a little less alone in what I loved, the one I wanted to explore until I died.
I have to come to terms with it's death, I have to come to terms with the fact that one day I won't have any new stories to read. I don't think I can do that without breaking.
The thing is: there's no other fandom that has grabbed me this hard ā this fandom felt so versatile, so malleable; we could write about space the same way we could write about fantasy and superheroes and its canon. We could write about the olympics and dance academies and slam poetry, and no one would bat an eye; it feels harder to do all of this with other characters. I haven't found anything to fill the void this fandom is leaving, and I fear I never will ā I know it's only been months, but I thought this would last forever! I thought I'd keep growing alongside it and I know this must sound stupid, some random person on the internet mourning an online community of all things, but it helped me: I felt held and accompanied whenever I opened a new book, I spent days imagining what my favorite characters would do in whatever story I was thinking of writing next, I started so many books that I'm not sure I'll ever finish writing, and somehow I don't mourn those the way I mourn the fandom as a whole. I felt seen in a way I never quite did in real life, because in the community there were other people who shared the same passion for the characters that I did, and I didn't have to explain it all to them so they could understand ā they already did! They created and lived and grew up with it the same way I did, and for once I hadn't felt like the odd one out of the group, the one with the weird interests that no one cared about because they were inaccessible to others.
And now it's fucking dying. And now I gotta mourn it all
I feel aimless, like I'm just drifting through the motions ā I never had much going on, still don't have a lot going on (hell, I probably have even less going on right now) and I know that doesn't help me in moving on. Maybe I need to start going to therapy again, maybe this is just the denial in the grieving process ā but I'm tired. I finally had a taste of how it was like being within a big community that understood me and got what I liked and enjoyed the same things as I did, and I don't wanna go back to being isolated in my interests.
And to think this whole... I don't know man, thing spawned out of not finding many books I wanted to read. I feel dumb. I feel pathetic. I'm sad and angry and so heartbroken. The null sleep I got through the night is probably not helping. I should go to sleep I think
#don't mind me#i just hate humanity right now#i wanna claw at the walls and bleed and make it known that I'm sufgering i guess#but it feels stupid. i mean it's just a fandom. it ain't that big#except it WAS that big. it was my WHOLE. LIFE#I don't think i can properly move on#I don't WANNA move on#i miss 202 and 2021 and 2022 and 2023. when i was happy#or at LEAST i could PRETEND i was happy bc the fandom wasn't caving in around me and burying me alive#anyway#demon ramblesā¢#I'll probably feel better after sleeping. or at least I'll be numb to it#i genuinely fear the day i finally run through the entire search results#reading is like. 99% of my entertainment. all i do is READING#the moment i run out of stuff to read is when the fandom is gonna be well and truly DEAD to me. and i fear that day and whenever it comes#i wish he hadn't passed away. i wished the other one hadn't turned out to be an absolute bastard#i wish the fandom could've survived both blows relatively fine. but i can't really say I'm surprised it couldn't#I won't. but i REALLY wanna claw at my arms. feel the pain SOMEWHERE where i can heal it easily i guess#how does one heal a wounded heart? how do i move on? CAN i move on? even when i don't wanna? when i GOTTA?#crying myself to sleep#i guess
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oh
u kno i actually never thought maybe my cat actually wasnt a stray š¬š¬š¬
#look I know we all hate Facebook but this is the one thing it's still pretty good for#costs literally nothing to just throw a ''lost cat found'' post or two in a local pet group on Facebook#it's the bare minimum but at least you did *something* instead of just blatantly stealing what could be someone's pet#also if it's relatively clean noticeably well fed and fully willing to approach you#very likely *not* a stray unless it was recently dumped#and no one's gonna claim it if they dumped it so you don't lose anything by making a post or two#if the cat is claimed and turns out to be an outdoor cat what you do going forward from there is up to you#but at least you found the owner and didn't just assume things#'cause literally how would you feel if you posted your cat now#and learn some kid somewhere has been devastated thinking their pet's been dead for years after getting out one night#only for it to turn out some random stranger actually just stole it after making a faulty assumption?#I imagine you'd feel like shit and you should
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me at 13: by the time im 30 i will probably be married and maybe have a kid but for sure i will be living in my dream city and have my dream job. and also a lot of money
me at almost 30: i think i will treat myself to a corn dog this weekend
#i want a corn dog so bad rn#ngl u guys im actually really struggling with turning 30 at the end of the year lmao#not lmao bc it really is bothering me which is so stupid i know I Know#but. and i know we're All struggling with this. but it's like god i have done nothing with my life#like fr. everyone says that but i literally have done nothing. ive never had a real 9-5 ive been freelancing since college#and tbh i guess that's not a bad thing? but self worth wise i feel like a complete loser.#but ive just made one mistake after another and i know that's what your 20s are for and u know what this is my tags and im not going#to keep contradicting myself i feel like shit bc i feel like shit and ive wasted my whole life thats that#i just feel like such a sham like i cant believe this is what 30 is like i on god feel like im still a teenager#not in a carefree kind of way OBVIOUSLY. which i never was anyway. but i just ?? feel like that#scary fucking episode of rugrats where tommy and chuckie become their dads and they go to work and theyre so fucked up bc#well theyre babies and they dont know anything. and even the fact that i just referenced rugrats to explain how i feel lmaooooo#relationship wise well u guys know how that is. and i truly couldnt care less about what people think about me not being in a relationship#ever and tbqh i dont give a fuck anymore either like. and here i go bringing this up again. but after my ex im like ok life truly is so#short fr i dont even care like anyway. anyway. the point is there is just no reality whatsoever where i pictured my life where i am now#once again living with the abusive relative i moved across the ocean to get away from.#no love life to speak of. fr dont care but god wouldnt it be nice to be loved fr.....#no career. living in a state i hate with all my heart. barely surviving money wise. which is everyone rn but#if i had known 10 years ago this would be my life i would have honestly killed myself.#like if i knew it would all turn out like this i wouldnt have moved i wouldve just fr killed myself and i wish i did lol#to be fair. i didnt see myself living past 18 but like. i just thought something would have saved me by now
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Modern au Jon has an entire pintrest board of hand illustrated dramatic wolf drawings with angsty diary captions he did at 13 and years later he finds out a whole industry has spawned from putting them on shirts and merchandise and he has to sit like this while wondering if the money he would make for suing ppl for ripping off his IP is worth the embarrassment
#his siblings show up at the next family event decked out in his cringe wolf drawings and he sees them and turns the car right around#he thinks its blown over and then at the family event after that his mother and her girlfriend and all his aunts and uncles and#his grandfather are also wearing the shirts#aegon gets the targ side of the family in on it too so jon cant even escape it at dragonstone#finally hes like this is embarassing me every time i see my blood relatives i may as well make money off it and makes and obscene amount#of $ off a settlement
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Ok I thought I was gonna be making one nitpicky rant about TLoU show deaths but
I guess Iām actually making two. Because I saw another death and while I find there was nothing broadly wrong with it, there was some cinematic choices that drove me bonkers that I just wanna stress over.
So the rest will be under the cut, but for starters, this is about Sarah and Tess
Ok so Sarah isnāt really the meat of this rant, but I do want to talk about her death scene in the show because several things about it had bugged me. And please, Iām not really here to talk about the race swap. Overall I think itās a little sus, moreso because the actress is the daughter of one of the executives of the show; so it suspiciously indicates nepotism. But the actress herself actually managed to do a pretty great job for Sarahās death so really I couldnāt give a shit. ANYWAYS, the showās death. What bugged me about it was the fact that there were CUTS while Joel is trying to comfort her and struggling to pick her up. The beauty of the cinematic choice in the game, where it turns into one continuous shot the moment Joel crawls over to Sarah, is that it inherently puts us in that moment with Joel, and by panning the camera over instead of cutting each time, it really shows how Sarah is right at deathās door, like you can HEAR the exact moment that she cries her last little whimper and just... goes quiet, right when the camera pans towards Tommyās face. The problem with having scene cuts is that it drags the scene out in such an awkward way. Plus, Sarahās still actively crying while Joel is screaming for Tommy to help him, and then the moment it cuts to Tommy the audio just cuts out very clumsily. As it cuts back to Joel Sarahās just already dead, and additionally it makes no sense for Tommy to call to Joel to have him realize Sarahās dead when she was still screaming and crying right as the camera cut. And then additionally, Iām not fond of the addition of Tommy saying Joelās name, it feels almost... cold and detached. Like the tone of that line isĀ āJoel sheās dead, itās too lateā. Whereas in the game, heās moving towards Joel and Sarah and heās in so much shock because heās watching his niece dying in a crying, bloody mess.
So long story short, nothing wrong with the scene itself (though I gotta say I donāt think Iām a fan of Pedro Pascalās line deliveries while heās trying to stop Sarahās bleeding. Thatās less of aĀ āoneās better than the otherā and more ofĀ āthatās just my opinion that the emotion of the line delivery in the game was betterā). Scene stayed true to the game.
But ohhh, OHHHH, you wanna know which death REALLY ruffled my feathers? Tess. Tessā death was done so damn dirty in the show compared to the game (and side note, I hate the change to Tessās character design. I loved the short hair held up by the headband, and I loved the short sleeves that showed her arms). I think by changing the entire death in the show, you take away from the character herself, and let me explain how.
In the game, they get to the Firefly meeting place, the Fireflies have been wiped out, and we find out Tess has been bitten. The military shows up, and Tess tells Joel that sheāll buy them some time and convinces both him and Ellie to leave. And the IMPORTANCE of her lineĀ āI WILL NOT turn into one of those things!ā, which Iāll talk about. Joel and Ellie leave, Tess composes herself and gets ready to fight the soldiers. As you leave, you hear gunshots and hear Tess scream, and you find out she took out two soldiers; there was six guys and Tess took down two of them. This death is a perfect encapsulation of Tessā character: resilient, stubborn, tough-as-nails, takes matters into her own hands. That is a death that treats the character with respect and actually plays into the characterās personality. It FITS. Tess is a woman whose life, her choices, itās all in her hands and she will do what SHE wants to do.
In the TV show, they get to the Firefly meeting place, the Fireflies were killed by infected, and everything still plays out the same with Tessā infection reveal (and I gotta say Iām not a fan of the dialogue choices nor am I a fan of the fact they tried to heavy-handedly push how Joel and Tess are a couple with the cuddling scene, whereas in the game the ambiguity of their relationship plays better into that final scene. I like theĀ āLook, thereās enough here that you have to feel some sort of obligation to meā way more). Joel hears the infected, Tess starts tipping over some gasoline and grenades, and Joel and Ellie leave. Tess is panicking and frightened as the infected approach and flood in while trying to light the lighter, and then the BULLSHIT. The FUCKING KISS from the infected. And no I donāt wanna hear anyĀ ābUT itāS NoT A kISS, iTāS INfeCTiNg HErā excuses. Itās a fucking kiss disguised under the thin veneer of being some cool new infected lore, and it changes the entire death from a defiant last stance to a creepy, voyeuristic scene thatās going for a cringe-out factor. Like... Sure, you COULD explore that method of infection, it COULD be a neat behavior that we havenāt seen before.
But you donāt do that for Tess. Sheās the wrong character to explore that with, and the show better actually try to stay consistent and show that again if people are gonna use the excuse of that scene being necessary. And the reason why it bugs me so much is because Tess, despite her short time in the story, is such a poignant character. Sheās Joelās partner, sheās OUR first partner. Taking that power out of her hands, putting her in this freaky powerless position where itās like sheās being taken advantage of, does not compliment the character, especially when the death is a very easy to pull off trick that only solely relied on the lighter not working for cheap tension. If you wanted to give us a tense action scene, they could have actually shown us the Tess gunfight scene from her perspective, maybe give her one or two more kills than she had in the game. But this death was really insulting to the character.
TL;DR Iām incredibly autistic about all this dumb shit and it really just boils down to a difference of opinion.
#The Last of Us#TLoU#The Last of Us HBO#spoilers#I don't know if I even need to be putting spoilers for a nine year old game lmao but let's do it anyways#And honestly it's all just a matter of getting my knickers in a twist; I know there's a lot of people who are fine with it#And I'm not knocking them; that's their opinion#But I swear if it turns out that they don't EVER show that mouth-to-mouth behavior from them again in the show I WILL be pissed and call BS#And this isn't me saying the show is BAD; I think it's fine and I think at least (besides Tess) they're doing a faithful#and relatively thoughtful adaptation#I guess to me this doesn't seem like one of those franchises that needed a show adaptation#If you ask me we should have gotten a TV adaptation of Death Stranding#Just cast everyone from the game and boom; you have the perfect show#But anyways post edit in this section of the tags: why am I so ass-blasted over how Tess was handled?#1) I may be a little gay for her lmao; she was just one of my favorite characters#2) As someone who is so deeply invested in the character of; well; character this one really rubbed me the wrong way#And now that I type this I'm actually very nervous over how they're gonna handle Henry and Sam#You leave my boys alone you monsters; those guys practically wrote themselves all y'all need to do is follow the game#And let them die as they did; no M. Night Shamylan (however it's spelt) twist where Henry's infected instead and Sam shoots him and himself
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Chikageās 3rd flair (the usual fanservice minichat one) has him talk about how the Spring troupe is trying to get information out of him, and yet that way he learns more about them and he enjoys getting to know more abut them, and then he turns to Izumi likeĀ ādo you want to hear more about me? okay. lean me your earā and then he gets EXTREMELY CLOSE TO THE CAMERA TO REALLY TRANSLATE THAT HE IS WHISPERING DIRECTLY TO HER EAR
and itās to say how he prefers to eat his curry. heās CLOWNING ME.
and then he ends up being all teasy because :) yeah itās still learning about me! and itās implied Izumi gets pouty because he replies something that a friend of mine translatedĀ "Well, there's no need to know in hurry. We'll be getting along for a long time, right?ā but google translate translated theĀ āgetting alongā part asĀ āweāll be in a long relationship after allā
and iām
iām having a moment.Ā
#i usually kinda skip those and don't try to read them#bc my understanding of Japanese is really on the basis so far#but i skip them by tapping on the screen bc it's faster than reaching for the button skip#and SO SEEING HIM GET THIS CLOSE JUMPSCARED THE HELL OUT OF ME#so i tried to read through the rest and looked at a translator and then asked a friend who is fluent to help me make sure i got it right#and i got quickly the whole 'let me tell you a secret' *invades your personal space* *says something relatively silly*#LIKE it's STILL SOMETHING ABOTU HIM and it's sweet but it was clearly not what people were fishing for and he knows it!!#and I KNEW. I KNEEEEW HE WAS DOING THAT#im. weeps and holds my head into my hands in despair.#it has no right working on me so well i hate it#and once again with his 'we'll have a long relationship so it's fine you'll get to know more in that time'#it adds so much to the fact one of his way to flirt is so much so constantly proposing or acting like they're engaged#and then going 'i'm joking though. or am i. :).'#like geez talk about commitment#and i'm not going to derail myself thinking about man. commitment for a man who had to always be on the move and everything.#like. bites fist.#but yeah anyway i was in public when i was going through this and i almost fucking cried on the spot#and i felt myself turning red like a complete idiot#so fuck thisĀ fuck this fuck t-#ichablogging a3jpn
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remember bella the catgirl? wellā¦ what if she became human again and she and lucy were siblings who hang out together and also she wasnt forgotten about
(i may have taken some liberties with her appearance making her hair copper red and eyes dark green but im not making all the kids of guinevere identical okay)
#lucy deserves a sibling close in age who she can be emo with i think#lucy pennykettle#bella tldc#bella the last dragon chronicles#the last dragon chronicles#tldc#my art#in the au of tldc that exists in my head and the fic im attempting to write the isenfier universe also continued existing along with the-#-one where david wrote about the events of tldc#and bella got turned human again and after getting back to her family she stays with the pennykettles for a bit every month or so#since they live relatively close by (by my standards not by england standards) (coupleof hours away)#and also the other children of guinevere get in touch maybe and they chat onlinw or smth#sorry for the rant i am just so insane about the daughters of guinevere its such a coolconcept!!#i will never forgive dālacey for forgetting about them /lh#ALSO!! i think bella and lucy would introduce eachother to different bands and theyd bond over music a lot#lucy is like āHAVE YOU EVER HEARD OF FALL OUT BOYā and bella is like āCHECK OUT MY CHEMICAL ROMANCEā#lastly bellaās shirt is a bikini kill shirt because well i think she listens to them :D and definitely gets lucy into them#i think lucy would like the songs double dare ya and alien she especially#OKAY RANT ACTUALLY OVER NOW!! they are everything to me
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So technically speaking the oldest son in our family should be named after an eldest son of the direct generations before per Italian American tradition (so one of the parents or grand parents/uncles) in this case but the eldest son died before my father got to meet him and thus the technical eldest son in our family was named after our great grandfather instead and not called Sonny as is tradition (he and my father refuse to admit that he is no longer the eldest son because i now exist)
i am tho realizing that if my Italian grandfather (god rest ya Joe) who half raised me and loved me deeply were still alive to be a part of my transition and were as supportive as i hope he would be, especially in spite of my father failing in the role of being a supportive father, he would no doubt see that our family lacks a Sonny of its own, bemoan the neglect of tradition, and anoint me the new Sonny, the true eldest son
#is this a personal fantasy that only came into existence yesterday after a conversation with my dad about a semifamous relative? yes#technically my brother was supposed to be named more directly and called Sonny and the idea made him want to die#my dad is going on and on about my brother being the eldest son and the first born son and the tradition of eldest sons#and my stepmom just immediately turns to me and goes well i think YOU SHOULD BE SONNY JAMES#she pauses and adds MAYBE JOE WOULDVE LIKED IT TOO WHO KNOWS HE MIGHTVE CALLED YOU SONNY#SEEMS LIKE SOMETHING HED CALL YOU#and my dad just doesnt know what to do or say my brother doesnt know what to do or say and i laugh and test out the name#and she and i just move on to how ill ask the university about my great uncle sonny's student records since thats how it came up#but the fuckin discomfort in my father and brother's faces was really really good. felt authentic.#so now im considering calling on nonno joe. havent done that before. but i think i will.#technically its good no one got named after the semi local famous colonel we were talking about imo#he worked for reagan and probably wasnt all that great in terms of someone id get along with#but the tradition is in this moment what matters!
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aaa my local library has the dvds of the 1980 p&p series, But both have been borrowed! wondering if i should reserve them now or after i finish rewatching the 1995 one (i finally got up to it, and it's lovely, but my old laptop has a bit of a matte screen situation going on, so the colors don't look as saturated as the ough to be; it would look the best on my mother's computer or tv, but for that i'd have to add polish subtitles, and i downloaded them but alas! they don't work, probably because it's a dvd thing. SIGH)
#also i'm slowly nearing the end of emma and it might be my failing but i can't really see how emma and mr knightley could end up married#and in love. like. if their influence over each other was more visible through the book? but they're hanging out and they like each other#but while she's smart and not really your typical suffering husband's silly chatterbox of a wife... he does end up coming up more observant#than her. and the way he (rightfully) points out her mistakes to her... it just feels much more 'older relative' or 'a teacher' than#'future husband'! but again. might be v much my lack of observation skilsl#i remember i was reading hnzs like... 2011? so i was around 14 at that time And after reading a new chapter i said i was surprised#the characters had sex because it just seemed too sudden for their current relationship status#and an older mutual whom i kindasorta admired was like oh interesting! i didn't think it was sudden at all it felt very fitting!#and reader i was MORTIFIED#it only became apparent to me Years later that other people don't consider sex something that happens with people you know and trust well#and are sure they won't idk. make fun of your body or something. it turned out that people really do fuck complete strangers!#fascinating. hurtful but fascinating#etc.#shrimp thoughts
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guess who just bought several new games on steam >:3
#š.rambles#i don't usually buy stuff for myself by my own#TURNS OUT A RELATIVE GAVE ME N APOLLO MONEY SO i used some on several games ehe ><#thought i might as welll get both projectmoon games! n several games from the developer of to the moon (including said game as well)#i bought crisis core reunion w my own money yesterday T_T#yk though. hopefully my dad n my aunt can play sometime. how idk when my ps4's just in my room like this BUT#i don't know much abt their childhood in depth but#one aspect of it that ik of is that they grew up w a lot of video games hehe#thinking abt it n ngl they influenced me a Lot. final fantasy is my fav series n. they started my interest#i'm so sleepy it's just 12 smth but i've been sleepy for hours i said i'll finish my part in the final paper by earlier today aaaa#but i ended up playing ffxiv for most of the day ! been playing just like the old days. i missed it so much#doing roulettes n dailies n leveling classes. doing quests here n then. fixing my inventory bcs it's full.#n afking a bunch but also talking w friends n then helping ppl out in pf. i miss raiding so much#playing earlier with stuff in pf reminded me of two things. that i genuinely am good at the game n that#i REALLY miss raiding. savage n ultimates.. heck even extremes i just really miss playing more difficult content in ffxiv#i miss learning fights w other players. i miss the stress to an extent. n the relief n. the pride in mastering mechanics#the thrill in. hdlfajsdlkf when i'd clutch smth n then the way my heart warms when like#i miss vcing w the old statics i had n. their voices hehe. from europe n oceania. different accents#i miss how. even though i'd be too shy to unmute or even rlly talk a lot. i was a part of them. i belonged.#back in twintania it was.. especially like a second home. n ever since endwalker i'll be honest it hasn't been quite the same but#it's still the same game. i miss when i cld spend more time w my friends then but i'm rlly happy now in ffxiv at least that#slowly i'm having that again. i want to also like. goddamn i rlly love helping others. seeing them improve n reach greater heights#rlly just makes me so happy. genuinely. someday someday we'll do ultimates together! ><#someday far away but surely i know one day. n when that day comes. i won't hesitate anymore.#i ended up rambling i'm so sleepy i'll just play more tmrrw i think. or i dunno. I'M SO SLEEPY WTF..#the year n the break ends so soon i'm gna have to start studying for cets like next week alrdy :<#i'm excited honestly to review stuff for science bcs i'm genuinely really fond of learning. but ugh i love learning but i hate school#i have so much games to play but there's not enough time! i will fix stuff asap. maybe. idk making plans while i'm sleepy is No#i rlly want an animated background for my steam profile but i do not have enough points yet T_T oh if you check it out tho pls#do not judge the games i'll cry pls don't judge me :c anyways. good day tho today was a good day c:
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