#I think it depends on how old the immortals were

[panlight]

This poll is not Twilight-specific but it's Twilight related. Edward is 100 years old when he and Bella start dating. Some people are good with this, for others it bothers them.

It's fairly common in paranormal/fantasy romances for these sort of gaps to happen between a non-human love interest who is really, really old and a human who is like, 16-25. This is not a Twilight only phenomenon.

What are your Thoughts? Are you cool with Generic Human dating an immortal vampire, ageless angel/demon, or 10,000 year old fae/elf/whatever?

*for example, in Twilight, Edward was 86 years old when Bella was born, he could have still been alive if he were human. In contrast, Carlisle was already about 250 years old when Esme was born, they never would have been alive at the same time without the supernatural context.

[inqvisitor]

i think it says something about the force of the inquisitor’s mind — specifically a faithfully dalish mage inquisitor — that the events of inquisition and trespasser did not immediately turn their brain to dust.

and perhaps that’s just the world of dragon age, that long believed stories of old are bound to shatter at any moment. but in one playthrough, depending on your leanings, they learn that:

the rite of tranquility can be reversed

ameridan was a dalish elf mage who knew that the whole time before he disappeared

that the old gods were not gods at all

that they enslaved the elves of old

that the veil was created by fen’harel and that was the cause of losing their immortality and not the presence of humans

and that their closest advisor in all things spirit (and potentially their great friend and lover) was the dread wolf in the goddamn flesh

not to mention the knowledge of the well of sorrows, which potentially submits them to the will of flemeth/mythal herself.

i truly think sera is the only one who really understands the mental ramifications, in her own way. her hatred of the fade and the crossroads in trespasser makes her at times flat out terrified, and the thought of the veil at one point not existing at all almost gives her a conniption. but it’s more than understandable considering that everything the elves know about the world, about their own history, is a lie.

everything that the inquisitor potentially leaned on to lead their people, a desire to return to the old ways… vanishes in the span of a few days, potentially an evening, with the exalted council.

how do you not lose your mind?

[marsupials-of-mars]

Was thinking about @ckret2 's bill when i wrote this, but it applies to bill more generally. I think the main thing people pick up on, maybe subconsciously, about their bill that makes him feel so accurate is that he feels.

A lot of people (and most people are guilty of this including me whether they mean to or not) tend to write him as a tragic immortal? In the sense that he's been beaten down by time and learned never to care about people, and has lost the ability to care.

And the first part of that is true!

He HAS learned never to care about people! In the tbob love page, he says its stupid to tie yourself to a mortal in a way where your happiness depends on them. He's LEARNED this. But he has NOT lost the ability to care. And he DOES care despite knowing he shouldn't.

He interacts with people genuinely, he legitimately enjoys the company of "lesser" mortal species, he has fun, he thinks about people when they're gone, he's taken lovers, he speaks in phrases hes picked up from past earth decades because he likes how they sound (ya dig?).

And some people are frustrated when he's written suave and unfeeling for this reason, because he is a goofball. But the thing is, he DOES act, in a way, suave and unfeeling when it comes to situations like Ford and Dipper. He plays up his "immortal deity" persona, constantly reminding them of all the knowledge he knows, PROVING his value to them.

But he gets mad! He falls in love! He jokes around because its fun! He gets stupid and reckless when he's upset! He burns bridges when he doesnt get his way! These are all insANELY short-sighted things for a trillion-year-old to care about!

This is why he can relate to people, and why he acts like a kid sometimes. I firmly believe that he stopped aging the day he destroyed his dimension (which is basically canon i think) not only physically but mentally. He legitimately cannot mature, cannot gain wisdom no matter how much he tries.

He has a lot of INTELLIGENCE and KNOWLEGE, but its like giving a child the library of alexandria and infinite time to explore. Sure theyll probably learn some things out of boredom or curiosity, but theres no curriculum. They COULD read it all, but why would they? That's boring and dumb and they want to climb the shelves and make book forts instead.

Now, more specifically about ckret2's Goldie:

He describes himself as a consumate extrovert. He hangs out with mabel and watches tv and goes to the Rainbow club. And while he does these things, he isnt thinking "this is so below me, why should i care about any of this?" He's just trying to have fun, and is knowingly fulfilling his social needs. He believes he and ford WERE friends.

And the most important part of this that im always thinking about is Bill claiming that being friends, enjoying peoples company, loving, playing, and all that is not mutually exclusive with being an all powerful god of destruction to be worshipped by all.

Which makes sense! Because he is INTELLIGENT and he knows that he's more powerful than these people, and he SHOULD be a being that demands their worship, and he needs to find something that lasts, and makes sense in the wake of INFINITY. But he also has the mind of a mortal, and he thinks the same way he always has. And with both of these insights, the ONLY thing that MAKES SENSE is to have his cake and eat it too. Focus on the big picture while also enjoying the present, SIMULTANEOUSLY.

Manipulating ford to his own end that leads him closer to his forever plan, while also bringing him to karaoke and falling in love. Securing his rule and reputation over the nightmare realm, being feared throughout the multiverse, having his fingers in as many pies as possible-- while partying with his henchmaniacs, drinking out of solo cups and flashing the cops.

Its the only thing that stops him from going crazy. If you have a mortal mind thats built to love and lose and feel and party and wisecrack, and you relinguish it to the horrifying prospect of timelessness, if you're always looking at the existential...you are not going to last a trillion years.

[jewelsli]

DC X DP X Captain Marvel/Shazam

So I had this idea for a dc/dp crossover (mostly about billy and danny). Anyway, Danny and Billy are both children around fourteen years old, both are posing as immortal heroes to the Justice League, and both have huge responsibilities that the fate of the universe depends on (Ghost King Danny). In conclusion, I think they would be SCARILY good friends, honestly brothers really.

Here’s how I think it would go (I’m not the greatest writer so bear with me)

Billy had just returned from his latest mission, and not the fun beat-up-some-badguys-then-go-home kind, he had been off-world (and off-dimension at times) near constantly for the past few weeks in some greater beings version of a joke, and had missed the latest JL meeting. He was currently stepping out of the beta tubes after getting what? Four? Hours of sleep. He shook his head, glad that I’m his powered form he couldn’t feel tired like Billy did(and less glad about the faint chattering of the Gods in his head).

‘Okay, time for the meeting!’ He thought with sarcastic joy in his head, pulling his features into a soft smile. He walked down the halls to the meeting room, it may seem like he was going at a fast pace, but compared to how fast he could go, he was currently a snail. He hovered(no not literally) outside the door for a moment before brightening his smile and walking in.

“Hey guys!” He said joyfully, glad to see he wasn’t the last to arrive, “sorry about not calling in at the last meeting, my communicator broke and I wasn’t exactly able to get in touch without dropping everything and I couldn’t … do that.” He paused as he noticed a new person at the table, which he vaguely recognized as one of the possible recruits for a new member. Something about them seemed… different, not in a bad way! But still-

Batman grunts… uh… he could never tell if that was good or bad, he looks up at the masked vigilante and waits for him to say something(I mean it was 50/50 whether that was the sentence or if it preceded it) “Marvel,” ah so this was one of the times it was followed by a sentence, “I expect your reports by the next meeting,” darn it “This is Phantom, he was introduced to the League while you were away.” He says with a nod at the new member, who smiled and waved at him. Billy waves back, it would be rude not to right? And sits at his normal spot, which is near(but not directly next to) the white haired hero. He sat still for a solid five seconds before becoming bored, if he knew how these meeting went(and he did) flash would probably show up a minute or two late, leaving about… ten or so minutes. He mentally sighs, turning to face Phantom.

“So…” he says before he can even think of what to ask, the other looking towards him, “Phantom huh? Are you a ghost of some sort?” He asked, he wanted to assume so, but then again Phantom girl wasn’t a ghost, so he might not be. And he would have to be a pretty powerful ghost to be seen by normal people, or maybe he was invisible? No he could tell that the others could see him- and he was getting off track, thank goodness for the speed of mercury or else that train of thought may have stopped him from seeing the other’s answer.

Phantom nodded, tilting his head and then saying “yeah, everyone keeps assuming I’m an alien for some reason? Do you guys not interact with ghosts that often?” Marvel thought for a moment, “The main members don’t really, but The JL dark does, deadman is a member and he’s a ghost. Have you met him yet?” He asked in return after answering his question.

Phantom’s eyes widened, “Deadman? I’ve heard of him but we haven’t met.” He responded, his face stretching into a smile that was bordering on inhuman. “I have yet to meet another ghost that’s a hero, all the ones I’ve met either fought with me or don’t leave the realms,” he sighed. Now it was Billy’s turn to smile. “The realms? As in the infinite realms??? Aw man I’ve been meaning to visit but I haven’t count the time! What’s it like? Does it really have the most diverse population of magical creatures? What about the new ghost prince? I’ve heard he’s much better than the old king!” He spouted with maybe a little bit of speed of mercury, and he really did want to know more about the ghost prince, he had to meet him later.

Before a (surprised looking) Phantom could answer, the meeting was started, he hadn’t noticed the people filtering in until an apologetic speedster sat down between him and the ghost.

Finishing up the meeting, oh gods finally, Marvel could feel how tired Billy was. He stood up to leave but was faced with Phantom looking at him, oh woah he was really tall for being so skinny as tall as he was!(and he was eight feet tall!!!).

“How do you know about the new ghost prince.” Phantom asked in a voice slightly below a normal volume, Billy looked him over, he didn’t seem hostile, just curious, so he thought back to try and remember. “Oh uh, I guess I was informed by some of my… coworkers” he said carefully, hey he couldn’t go ‘oh yeah the gods in my head told me and I’m the champion of magic’ he was trying to avoid the league learning that for goodness sakes!!!(sue him if he didn’t want the magic users of the league to never talk to him normally again or gain more attention from Batman). He saw phantom’s eyes narrow, “These coworkers must be pretty high up on the power chain if they know, the new prince kept the change from the old king to him restricted to those who needed to know,” oh, oops? Wait how did he know then? “So are you in one of these upper circles then?” Marvel asked, getting a small smile from the other, who responded with “Something like that, and who are you getting this info through?” He said, not letting him redirect the conversation as he had hoped he could. “I have a contact from the rock of eternity” he said quickly, hey it was kind of true, he did have contacts there and marvel was the reason why he knew. Phantom made a small ‘:o’ face and simply said “Oh” before glancing at a nearby clock and sighing. “I WILL be asking about that, but until then I have Infinite Realm duties, higher circles and all that.” He muttered the last part before leaving through the window of all places.

Marvel glances at the clock himself and cursed(internally, he would never curse in this form), speaking of the ghost prince, he had a meeting with him.

Yay I did it :D!!!

[tanoraqui]

you’ve heard of Her Divine Highness Gideon the First, First Daughter of the House of God, and all the compelling, often Fake Dating-laced AUs that might follow. But have you considered...Gideon Jr. Dve, favored daughter of the First, heir of Gideon the First, Saint of Duty?

the timeline diverges at 2 points:

Gideon (ours) inherits her mother’s perfectly normal dark brown eyes

Gideon (lyctor) follows the escape pod to Ninth House, arrives to find Wake’s corpse and living baby, to the bemusement of all the locals is like, “yes, that’s mine” and takes said baby back to the Mithraeum to confess his sins and beg forgiveness

the conversation that follows goes like this:

Gideon 1: I am so sorry, John, I don’t know what came over me, Wake was just...really hot. She’s dead now. But, um, this is our daughter, and I feel duty-bound to raise her, or at least see that she’s raised well - but it’s your call, of course (again, I’m sorry for sleeping with the enemy for over a decade)

JohnGod, vibrating at a frequency known only to necromantic immortals who maybe swallowed a sun or something: N I E C E ? !

Augustine, Mercy, and maybe Cytherea, exchanging frantic eye contact behind the other two’s heads: Is that the baby? / I don’t know! I thought you were keeping track of it! / I don’t know! Can’t you tell!? / Are they keeping it? / What the fuck are we going to do about this?!

So, Gideon (Jr.) grows up in the Mithraeum, which needless to say is a fucking weird place to grow up. 

this au is dependent on the assumption that none of these millennia-old necromancers can identify the thanergic/thalergic weirdness of the biological daughter of God on slight, so, just accept that. Maybe children of lyctors (I refuse to believe there haven’t been any before) are a little Like That anyway? The Conspirators do learn the truth pretty fast, DNA test or something, but they quickly decide that stealing the baby and running for the Ninth is a terrible plan, and G1deon and God have to let her out from underfoot eventually. They’ll wait.

the Ninth had already named her Gideon. Gideon 1 tries to change this, but alas, his terrible immortal friends all think it’s hilarious and call her Gideon Jr, or “Junior” or “Giddy” for short.

Cytherea is undoubtably the Cool Aunt, and also Giddy’s first crush

(neither Mercy nor Augustine want to touch children on account of potential stickiness, ruling them firmly out)

JohnGod makes so many Godfather jokes in a terrible Italian mobster accent, which Giddy then imitates with equal inability to mimic an accent, which either produces something completely unrecognizable as old-Earth Italian mobster OR somehow loops back around to being a perfect impression of Don Corleone

Pyrrha tries to resist the urge to check in, but fails, particularly around bedtime (usually a private father/daughter tucking-in ritual). Giddy, with the uncomfortable insight for a toddler, quickly grasps that Sunglasses Dad is a different persona than Normal Dad. Sunglasses Dad swears her to utmost secrecy about this, and she keeps the oath...almost entirely

she does let it slip to Normal Dad, who...

listen, G1deon has been concealing his mysterious lapses in awareness from God and his fellow lyctors for centuries; he’s not going to stop now. And he MUST have had suspicions about what caused them; he’s not an idiot. But he would, I think, be a responsible father. 

So when 7yo Gideon Jr. lets slip about her interactions with Sunglasses Dad - which she definitely doesn’t realize is a whole different person; she probably thinks it’s a weird character her dad acts as sometimes, like how Uncle God will play pretend as a mobster, pirate, horse, etc. When Gideon Jr. lets slip, Gideon Sr. sits her down with his daughter, gets her to tell him about Sunglasses Dad, and admits that, uh, yeah, sure, it’s a fun game they play together, and still very secret from everyone else...and if ‘Sunglasses Dad’ ever makes her feel scared, or god forbid hurts her, she should run away and find Uncle God and tell him everything immediately. 

(Because he has suspicions, he must have suspicions, especially at this point...but just in case he’s wrong, he’ll confess to this centuries-old secret rather than let any harm befall his daughter. It’s the only right thing to do.)

Some Actual Plot Maybe, IDK?:

when Gideon Jr. is 13, her father finally agrees to enroll her in the Cohort Academy for Gifted Officers-To-Be, or whatever its called. Gideon Sr. has a quiet word with the current head of Second House and Gideon Jr. enrolls incognito, and rolls up to this place with

- sword skills trained since birth with fucking lyctors

- an uncanny ability to survive should-be-deadly wounds

- the social skills of someone who has never spoken with anyone under the age of several millennia

- probably slightly more respect for, like, the concept of authority/order/duty/not being a smartass 24/7 than the canon Gideon we know and love...BUT she has also literally never suffered a consequence in her life, and...you know how Miles Vorkosigan’s insubordination habits are based partly in that for the first 18 years of his life, his commanding officers, essentially, were 2 of the most competent people on Barrayar? God Himself used to give Gideon horsey rides. Gideon might try, politely, to be impressed by the commander-instructor glaring at her personally, but she is...not.

- gay

[insert a full YA novel’s worth of coming-of-age shenanigans here, absolutely ft. Judith Deuteros and Marta Dyas as soon-friends]

AND THEN ONE DAY, JOD SENDS OUT AN INVITATION to the heir of the Nine Houses inviting them to the First...

now, Gideon does not have a single drop of necromantic ability. She never has. So she wants to be a cavalier so bad...

but even Gideon, sword bimbo that she is, couldn’t grow up with The lyctors and not notice that... Well, no one really talks about their cavaliers, except when Mercy and Augustine fight about them. There is a grieving, sucking wound where every lyctoral cavalier should be.

she still tried so hard to be one. Judith very nearly agreed to have her even over <3Marta<3 (whom they were both madly crushing on). Then Gideon had one of her rare meetings with her father (he’d swing by the Cohort Academy sometimes and they’d get lunch), and told him about it all excitedly, and he flatly forbade it. And then he went over her head and flatly forbade it to the Cohort. 

so there’s something Weird going on there, or at least there’s something being unfairly forbidden to Gideon like birds are forbidden to the indoor cat staring out the window, eagerly lashing its tail. 

so she hatches a Plan:

- 1. Stow away on Judith & Marta’s ship to Dominicus - 2. ??? - 3. Profit!

when she sees Cytherea there, she thinks, Oh shit, I’m busted.

fortunately, she’d waited until everyone else had disembarked and gone inside before she snuck off the ship, so Cytherea doesn’t see her. So now it’s up to Gideon to sneak around, make friends with the heirs of the Houses, and recruit them into helping her not get caught by her aunt! Who she assumes is here specifically to catch her out...or maybe to covertly oversee the trials...? Hey what is up with this place anyway?

(It’s fortunate because as soon as Cytherea sees Gideon, she’s going to change her plan to “kill everyone immediately, except Giddy, whom I take to the Ninth and exsanguinate to open that damn tomb.”)

(Unfortunately, once like 5 people have died, Gideon is likely to honorably reveal herself in order to ask Cytherea for help, because CLEARLY something has gone terribly wrong. This can’t really be part of the trials, right? Uncle God wouldn’t do that.)

[thesummerestsolstice]

There's this implication in Tolkien's writing that half-elves are kind-of immortal by default, and that they stop aging unless they choose mortality (though arguably they don't even really age then). See Arwen in the Lord of the Rings, who is several thousand years old and has clearly been living life as an elf, despite never having made the Peredhel choice.

I always wondered why Arwen was given that choice, actually. It seems like the Peredhel choice is mostly given to people who have a mortal parent and an immortal parent (Earendil, since Tuor was definitely mortal when he was born, and arguably Elwing depending on how you see Dior), or at least parents who are undecided (Elrond and Elros are born before Elwing and Earendil make their choices). Arwen is a fair bit more than half-elven, and has two immortal parents. And there's not really any evidence Elros's children got the choice. Why does she get to choose whether she wants to be mortal or immortal?

Now, this could just be some minor world building weirdness, but it raises another very interesting possibility. That Elrond, by the time his children were born, had not committed to being immortal, and was instead undecided. I feel like there's so much to explore in that idea. Maybe Elrond truly wasn't sure about his choice to stay immortal forever until much, much later in his life. Maybe he held off choosing specifically so his children would be able to. Maybe he didn't choose because he didn't want to have to pick between being an elf or a man, and just wanted to be a half-elf in peace.

There's also something very compelling to me about the idea of an Elrond who could have, at any point during the Second or Third Ages, decided to be mortal. Who could have left the grief and struggle of Middle-Earth behind forever, and who, nonetheless, always chose to stay; picking immortality, not once, but a thousand times over the course of his long life, no matter what difficulties he was faced with.

It would also be interesting to explore the idea that most of the people in Elrond's life assume he decided to be fully elven long ago, only to realize that that isn't actually true. I imagine it could be disconcerting, maybe even really anxiety-provoking to realize that someone you were certain would be around forever might not be. I also think it would be really hard for a lot of elves to understand why Elrond might not want to make that choice.

[meanbossart]

Omg omg Meanboss i saw ur Patreon Post rn aaaaand now i can't stop thinking about how Astarion and Drow would react and grieve, if one of them died. Do u have any thoughts to that?

Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh boy. I'm almost reluctant to answer this because I feel like this is absolutely DU drow's ugliest side, LOL.

So let me put off the inevitable and start with Astarion: the unlikely more well-adjusted half when it comes to this - if you can call total desensitization being "well adjusted", at least.

Astarion has led hundreds of people to their deaths after supposedly earning their trust, care and attention - I'm not saying every single one of his outings ended in heart-break, in fact the vast majority were probably completely impersonal one-night stands, but at SOME POINT in Astarion's life he must have held some care for people or at least an aversion to the idea of manipulating them into death's maw - until he had to do it over, and over, and over, and over again.

It's very clear to me that Astarion managed to completely shut his empathy out, as well as his sense of attachment especially in the short-term. Those things still exist within him but are like a weak flame he has to keep feeding with kindling if he wants it to stick around; and it would be far easier to just extinguish it at once. If someone close to him were to die, especially unexpectedly, he'd just stomp it out for good and move on as if nothing had happened, probably unable to form another relationship like it for at the very least a couple of years but otherwise remain perfectly functional, and, by all intends and purposes, have gotten over the loss exceptionally quickly.

Obviously, if we're talking about DU drow's death, this would change over time and depend on how long they remained together for. I can't tell you how 500-year-old Astarion would react to the loss of his loved one (too many variables to consider) but one can expect the concept to become harder to accept the more used he grows to someone's permanence.

Now, the drow. He does not deal well with losing, and that applies to people just as well as it applies to concepts and objects. I think he can wrap his mind around the idea of someone dying of old-age, but anything short of that is akin to being stolen from.

Which brings us to Astarion's immortality, and the false sense of security that that brings DU drow. In his mind, if he is immortal, that simply means he won't ever die. This is, to him, is a certain fact the vast majority of the time,save for the rare and brief occasion where he has to face a different reality. This also means that if Astarion ever dies, that is obviously due to a tremendous failure in DU drow's part.

I simply do not think he would get over it. Much like the scenario with Villain DU drow where Orin's death basically begins the countdown for his own, his ambitions from that point forward would cap at revenge, and done that, he would either become something profoundly ugly or just let himself rot. I think this is just... Something inherit to him and the way he functions, making the former memory loss a blessing in even more ways than it already is.

He'd probably also try to resurrect him, but for all his desperation I can at least tell you that he wouldn't fall for/settle for anything lesser than his beloved with their cognizance fully intact, nor do anything that could destroy their corpse. He, uh, Is gonna need that.

[littybeech]

Ten things the Twilight animated series can do better than the original movies (if they care enough to, please add all your own points to this as I will, too.) :

1. Include ALL of the book scenes, without having to change them to make them easier to film (for obvious reasons, since it’ll be animated they shouldn’t have much issue there.)

2. Their daughter, Remoulade can actually look like the book described her (or better or worse) and not the CGI monstrosity we got twelve years ago.

3. Make all the characters fit their book looks to complete accuracy. Alice was 4’10 and the movies made her 5’5. They let Edward have brown hair when he’s a ginger. Jacob and the wolf pack had better be above 6’5! I want 23 year old Carlisle and 26 year old Esme playing parents to like three legal adults and two 17 year olds.

4. The parentification of Bella Swan, by both of her parents, mustn’t be ignored. Bella was making sure the bills were getting paid by the time she was 10 cause her mom was ‘too flighty and distracted’ to do things like that consistently, she also learned to cook and clean early on too because her mom’s cooking was inedible and she’d improperly mix cleaning solutions dangerously. She got a job at 14 and took care of the groceries and any other issue necessary on top of being in AP classes in school. By the time she moved in with Charlie, she was basically more of a parent than he was. He did the bare minimum to ensure her car’s safety by installing snow chains on her tires without telling her and she cried because she wasn’t used to being taken care of.

5. How she cries when she’s angry is peak girlhood and I hate that they got rid of that in the movies. She stomped her feet bro, like c’mon she was so angry and anxious and annoyed all the time and they only focused on her angst.

6. Integrate aspects of Midnight Sun too, maybe incorporate them both so we can get a more full story. Twilight on its own was a bit of a snooze fest compared to Midnight Sun. We’re gonna pretend that Edward hunting and eating Esme’s abusive ex-husband isn’t hot af?

7. Add in more character’s back stories. Alice’s abusive father and stepmother, Emmett’s gambling and womanizing as a human in Tennessee, etc.

8. Unfortunately we need to make it clear that Charlie’s not winning any father of the year awards here either. He congratulated Jacob after forcing a kiss on her and joked about Jacob pressing assault charges on her after she breaks her hand punching him away.

9. Maybe ask why the Cullens…’need’ so desperately to come back to Forks every couple of years? Like they’re multi-billionaires, they’re immortal and there are plenty of gloomy, cloudy places they could live in semi-permanently. Why Forks when they know the Quileutte tribe knows what they are and they know it makes them so uncomfortable? It just seems unnecessary.

10. More of Edward reading Mike Newton’s inner-monologue. I know it would depend on whose perspective we get but I think the idea is hilarious.

[mrghostrat]

Hello and good morning/day/night :]

I was wondering, in BNF, we’ve gotten tiny little bits of information about the ‘Nice and Accurate Prophecies’ (not sure if that’s the correct title, sorry) book and TV series, if there was anything else you could tell us about it?

Character names, storylines, plots, any fun details you may have made up or otherwise, etc, etc.

I just think it’s sweet how interested both Aziraphale and Crowley are in the series, and if you might be as interested, if not more, in it too.

Thank you, and have a lovely Sunday. 🫶

this is it, my leash has snapped, i'm wild in the streets, thank u for asking; i'm gonna go be insufferable now

(hi @neil-gaiman if you see this, i think it's safe to read, but it does border on being fan fic. i'm writing a fic where crowley and aziraphale are an artist + writer in an online fandom, much like we are for good omens, and this is the fake story i've made for them to be fans of 💛)

The Nice and Accurate Prophecy

info dump of the fake 5 book series by Agnes Nutter (1985-1992) and its fake fandom:

The Nice and Accurate Prophecy

The Strange and Improbable Prophecy

The Vague and Perfidious Prophecy

The Tense and Harrowing Prophecy

The Faint and Ineffable Prophecy

a dramatic, layered story with a bizarre and unexpectedly lovable cast of characters, humour that hits you out of nowhere, and a lot of attitude from the narrator. a la Good Omens, A Series of Unfortunate Events, Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy

fantasy/historical fantasy and mildly action & romance

a la good omens, a witch and a witchfinder become friends and help each other throughout history, despite being on opposite sides. they get closer as they fight against the immoral plays from their prospective sides (the witchfinder army and a demonic cult the witch was born into) that each lose sight of their core values in a bid to hold more power over the world.

the story is set primarily in a medieval fantasy era, but suddenly jumps to the present in the later books, catching everyone off guard and giving a whole new context to enjoy the story. the challenges they face parallel the earlier story but in a modern take with modern technological twists. the modern era is the late 80s, since that's when it was written.

the witch reincarnates, similar to doctor who, due to a high class black magic ritual they performed in their arrogant youth (which they were NOT supposed to have access to). they've had long lifetimes where they die of old age, and others where they've barely managed to live a year. their reincarnations aren't entirely random; they will reincarnate according to their growth and preferences as a person (a la Magical Boy's magical outfit generations), which includes fluctuation in gender identity. their pronouns fluctuate depending on each "face" they wear, but have canonically been a "they" before. the good side of the fandom (crowley & aziraphale) default to they/them as an overall rule. they do have a name, but they like to change that too, so the fandom almost exclusively calls them witch, or witchy.

the witchfinder also has a name, but the fandom have taken to calling him witchfinder to match the fact that witchy is called by their role. it also helps that a lot of the witchfinder narration refers to him by role instead of name. he is human, 30ish in appearance, but at the end of the first book, the witch fears to lose him and curses him with immortality against his knowledge to try and keep him safe.

witch is crowley-coded, witchfinder is aziraphale-coded. my to-do list includes an illustration of the two of them played by michael and david :') but i picture them being kind of like newt and anathema for the most part.

ship names include witch/finder, witchwitch, w² or witch², and witchfound.

at the start of the first book, they meet and become friends without knowing each other is a witch & finder. the witchfinder is a bit bumbly, like newt, and the witch is cool and suave but neurotic and insecure like many human au variations of crowley (major overcompensation vibes). witch is male at the start of the first book. their friendship is secure when witch finds out he's a witchfinder, so there's less "oh my god i'm friends with the enemy, is he going to kill me in my sleep?" and more "ah fuck, Lets Drink About This"

there's battles, horseback riding, camping out in dark woods, disappearing and losing each other for months at a time, and many missed connections as they try to work together against two common enemies, whilst keeping up the facade that they're on their respective team's sides.

there's charged chemistry in the first book, but it's more plot heavy. there's hints of shippy moments in the 2nd book that fall in between the plot. there's a Moment of almost confession in the 3rd book, and a non romantic kiss towards the end (we gotta, for neil). they're pretty much married in the 4th book, securely at each other's side, but never actually talk about it until the end, and there's a more explicitly stated shippy connection in the 5th book.

agnes herself is a total recluse who drops books out of nowhere then goes back to existing somewhere in the english countryside (people presume). she's happy to supply signed copies to fundraisers and conventions, and sometimes random bookshops across the country will be vandalised with genuine autographs on the inside covers. she's notoriously pedantic about being involved with adaptions behind the scenes, but she has no social media and isn't ~around~. she once did a talk when she was presented with an honorary doctorate, and did a single book signing when the first Prophecy book came out, but beyond that she keeps to herself.

there are a small handful of quotes from her in behind-the-scenes footage talking vaguely about character intensions and clarifying world building, but she likes to leave things up to interpretation like neil does. it's in these few snippets of interaction we've seen from her that she's steadfastly supportive of intersectionality and lgbt rights, like staring dead-eyed at an interviewer when they ask her a ridiculously heteronormative question about the characters (like "have you read my books?")

adaptions include:

(most adaptions start like the book, with a male witch at the beginning that turns into a female witch when they first regenerate. the early ones usually change the pacing by switching to a female actor by the time they realise witchfinder is a witchfinder, unlike in the book where he's male for this scene, and there's way less Charged™ chemistry between the m/m witch/finder.)

Feature Film: late 90s, kind of cheesy, but good spirited fantasy (a la Indiana Jones). focuses on the first book alone, with hints to a sequel that never happened.

Abandoned TV Pilot: early 2000s, a little too dramatic but still a good time (a la the Dungeons and Dragons 2000, ASOUE 2004). good source of gifs and Moments™ but the fandom is generally Fine with it being abandoned.

Stage Performance: late 2000s-early 2010s, a stellar stage adaption of the first book with elements of the 90s movie. f/m witch/finder the whole way through. one cast used m/m actors but it was a short run and only a handful of fans were lucky enough to catch or remember it. crowley would give his left arm (or someone's, anyway) to have experienced it, so a fan sent him some flip phone camera footage of it that he keeps on a harddrive in his safe.

HBO Streaming Series: late 2010s-present, high quality, highly revered, resurged the fandom's popularity and spread the series further overseas. made in america, but doesn't try to americanise the series. extremely respectful to the books, with easter eggs to the film, and is working its way through the entire book series (a la The Witcher netflix series). f/m witch/finder, but has had one episode that included some flash backs/montages of different witch faces. probably like 15 minutes total screentime of a male witch played by a ncuti gatwa level/style of actor, which the fandom has giffed, edited, and screencapped to oblivion.

Several bonus books: Agnes has written a few extra books (a la The Unauthorized Autobiography of Lemony Snicket and The Beatrice Letters), as well as curated some anthologies from other authors (a la A Study In Sherlock). there are a total of 3 anthologies so far, in which other authors have written stories about the characters in their own tellings. basically like canonised, published fan fiction, curated and authorised by agnes herself. There's also an unfinished graphic novel that retells the book series (a la The Adventure Zone comic), but has been WIP/unheard of since the 3rd book.

[anarchy-and-piglins]

We know CC techno is basically an SCP at this point. Like I can vaguely recall his face, kinda. That got me thinking of actual SCP techno. Maybe he’s the host to a parasitic SCP (blood god) or maybe there are two of them combined (him + blood god) or maybe just him. Something that makes him only vaguely memorable. There was a young man covered in blood at the bus stop.

What did he look like? Hmm, couldn’t tell you. I think he said something at some point. What was he wearing? I don’t know, but he was wearing something.

The SCP foundation is looking for this creature that causes security cameras to fizz and leaves trails of blood that match no known dna. They don’t even know if it’s human. No one can catch this anomaly. Dr. Phil of the Foundation is put on the case. Meanwhile, he takes the new intern, whose name he can’t quite seem to remember (it was tech something right? It was an odd name certainly. Dr. Phil’s degree in ancient history told him it was in old one.) is helping him track the Scp down. The new intern is weird, admittedly, but Dr. Phil’s other inter, Ranboo is also very odd, so he’s a veteran that this kind of thing.

Also, he keeps finding odd bloop stains on the new interns clothes. Concerning, but best not to ask too many questions at the Foundation.

I like the idea of the Blood God being an SCP with parasitic tendencies and Techno being the guy who it attaches itself to. Since it's in line with my dsmp headcanons (ie. Techno himself not being the Blood God but merely a conduit).

The Blood God would be SCP-(insert random number) and Techno is designated by the foundation as SCP-(insert same random number)-A. Though, aside from the parasitic god, he's literally just some guy. He gets taken into custody by the foundation both for his own safety and that of others.

When containment procedures are met, interacting with Techno is not dangerous and actually pretty chill. On the contrary, the Blood God gets agitated when its host is agitated, so keeping Techno safe and sound is actually paramount. He has a bed, gets fed well, and the head scientist (a Dr. Philza Craft) is free to interact with him to offer companionship, sometimes letting his interns interact with Techno also.

Containment procedures are pretty simple:

No blood should ever be within 15 feet of Techno, unless he spilled it himself. This includes blood samples or dried blood.

A bell must be provided for Techno to ring every few hours.

Once a month, Techno must spill blood as a sacrifice to the Blood God. Animals suffice, but humans are better. The amount of blood needed to sate the Blood God can be variable and depends on how agitated it is.

Strategy games such as risk, chess, competitive video games, etc should be provided. Games that Techno can 'win' in seem to keep the Blood God calm for longer and lower the amount of blood needed for a sacrifice.

Techno is functionally immortal (doesn't age and seems incapable of bleeding out, despite feeling the pain of any inflicted wound). Attacking him or trying to harm him usually ends terribly for the attacker. They did a lot of tests at first - also to figure out the containment procedures. But Dr. Philza currently doesn't allow tests anymore, they were both too distressing for Techno and too costly in Class-D subjects.

Killing Techno would be possible, but since the Blood God would just attach itself to another mortal, it's more interesting for the foundation to keep Techno locked up.

[panoffrying]

My Dr. Sozonius LORE Headcanons

✨Warning this is a bit long✨

Sozo is a character that has lived for a very long time. Whatever that mushroom was on their head not only influenced Sozo but kept them immortal. We know really nothing bout Sozos past so I made some headcanons for silly fun and for me to visualize who Sozo was and what his life may have looked like. I want to do my best to keep this as game accurate as possible, so there will be quotes from the game. The quotes are not at all in order! I kinda just bring up random Sozo quotes as I go. Also I apologize if this doesn't make sense or if I ramble (I get excited about certain topics) 

thank you so much @7moonbird for going over and editing this for me, Love ya Pookie!

And so we start:

Sozonius was born in the days of the old faith. He was present the day the Bishops declared the genocide of the lambs and he actually played a big part in assisting the lambs survival. However, he almost got caught and had to stop helping the lambs to keep his family safe. He's never seen any of the bishops(maybe) but his village was part of Darkwood and therefore under Bishop Leshy’s ruling.

VILLAGE 

Sozonius village was mostly a colony of Carpenter Ants, there were a few other species living there too but it was mostly Carpenter Ants. I imagine there are different races of ants depending on the region they’re in; so there could be fire ants, pharaoh ants, and more! Most ants get along nicely and work together but sometimes other races of ants can be more temperamental and cause conflict between colonies. Carpenter ants are a more calm type of ants, they aren't aggressive but they are incredibly strong. Carpenters ants are known to live in trees; they hollow out trees to make their homes and they like to stay off the ground as much as possible in case of floods and other dangers.

In the colony they had their ruler, the “Queen,” who looked over the village and did queenly business (not gonna go too deep into it). Everyone had many different jobs, ants are hard workers and very strong. They made marvelous structures, farmed a lot of crops, and knew how to work together when there was a threat. Sozo’s village was one that many others would try making deals/trades with. I would talk more about his village but that's not why y’all are here lol. 

Sozonius was a fellow damn near everyone in the village knew. He loved his work and he loved to talk about it to anyone that expressed that they wanted to listen. He was that guy that you could get stuck in a conversation with and struggle to end it. He liked to ramble about his work and kids. Other than that though he never really started conversations with others, he would keep to himself unless someone interacted with him.

And I could definitely see him having a science rival but nothing too bad lol.

FAMILY

“Where am I…? Where is… my family…?”  are the words Sozo says when he turns back into Dr. Sozonius. I like to think he had a wife and two children. They didn’t have the best marriage but they made it work out for their two sons. His wife was a bit stubborn and very honest. She would say things before thinking which did cause issues, but Sozonius let it slide because he loved her so much and wanted a happy family for his sons. 

Sozonius was a very funny dude. He made dad jokes all the damn time, his family would pretend to hate the jokes but in reality they did love them. 

Sozo Dialogue “Now all Sozo can think about is mushrooms, mushrooms, MUSHROOMS… They don’t leave mush-room for anything else! Ha!”

(Also, this next idea is inspired off of @kuphulwho headcanons for Sozo. I loved her ideas and I recommend y'all look at her headcanons too!) Aside from Sozonius being a mycologist he had a side hobby of art! He wasn't the best artist, but he was really talented with sketching plants/fungi, he liked to make art of anything that interested him. He most likely wrote an educational picture book about Fungi, there's probably an old copy of it somewhere.

This art hobby caught the interest of his two sons, and they also started to pursue art. Sozonius would take his free time teaching his sons how to draw plants and such. Sozonius would hang his kids' art everywhere in their house, it was like walking into an art museum haha.

JOB

Sozonius studied mycology which means he studied fungi. Sozonius knew fungi could benefit his society and he wanted to help educate others about the importance of fungi. Soon he learned enough of a new discovery of mushroom people, neither plant nor animal…Sozonius then made the decision to go on a solo mission to study the Mushroomo people.

THE MUSHROOMOS 

Dr. Sozonius Dialogue “My name is Dr. Sozonius. I was researching the Mushroomos that live in Spore Grotto… strange creatures, Neither animal nor plant…” 

Sozonius went to Spore Grotto and at first, he studied the Mushroomo people from a distance setting up a campsite near the Mushroomo Village. When the Mushroomo people discovered Sozonius they welcomed him into their home, cheerful happy little things. Sozonius was given the chance to learn more about these strange creatures up close! How could he say no? Sozonius was welcomed into Spore Grotto and was treated like a god. 

Sozonius asked the Mushroomos many questions, but getting any actual answers from them was difficult. The Mushroomos treated Sozonius like he was their most special guest, they danced and sang for Sozonius. They would mimic Sozonius and follow him around, making sure to do anything he asked of them. There would be many times when the Mushroomos would offer to feed Sozonius menticide mushrooms but Sozonius knew a lot about fungi and declined their offers. However, there seemed to be a special Ritual the Mushroomos took part in… 

Sozonius had been in Spore Grotto for many weeks now, it was time for him to leave, he had studied enough and was ready to return home but the Mushroomos were surprisingly sad when he announced this. They wanted to show Sozonius a sacred ritual to them before he left, he wasn't aware of the menticide mushrooms being part of it…

Dr. Sozonius Dialogue “They gave me Menticide Mushrooms, and then… that’s the last thing I remember…”

After Sozonius was tricked into eating menticide mushrooms and also gave Sozonius a crown, a crown that would grow into Sozoniuss mind, he shall be the Mushroomos leader… And the new Sozo was made. (literally just think of Ice Age 2 when the lil sloths take Sid to be their fire king, however they don't sacrifice him)

The mushroom on Sozos head is very powerful, it makes me wonder what it is exactly, it gives the person wearing it immortality, but also causes the user to go insane (don't forget that Sozo is also being fed menticide mushrooms) the mushroom crown kinda reminds me of Chemachs crown. It seems to have a mind of its own and a face. I feel like the Mushroomos for days straight made sure to give Sozo a diet of only menticide mushrooms to make him forget everything and to possibly power the mushroom crown. They would constantly tell Sozo that his mind would be open and free, that it would make him feel better, and Sozo being under the influence of the mushroom listened to them.

A Mushroomo Dialogue "Once you taste the Menticide Mushroom your mind will be opened." 

As the years went by so did all the sanity Sozonius had left, but in some moments Sozonius seems to still be aware but not all there. 

Sozo Dialogue “Sozo had friends... Followers... family... now Sozo has mushrooms..."

Sozo over time seems to start to dislike his followers and call them liars. He even becomes quite cruel to his followers. Yet he also mentions that he trusts the lamb and wants the lamb to protect him from his followers which makes me believe that Sozonius is somehow a little aware and fighting against the mushroom crown’s influence. He is mad at the Mushroomos for lying to him, tricking him, making him into who he is now.

 Sozo Dialogue  “No need to thanks Sozo. Build it at your Cult then come back to me. Sozo shall grant you one last gift. Sozo is always fair. Always repays this debts. Not like those LIARS out there."

"You did it! Now I know I can trust you... not like those nasty liars outside. They are always watching, always listening! Here take this. You are Sozo's best friend, you are Sozo's only friend."

"Sozo can trust you now, Sozo will pledge himself to you! You will protect me from those liars outside and bring Sozo mushrooms!"

(Also a side note that my gf brought to my attention last second lol! Apparently parasitic mushrooms rely on insects to spread. That is probably why they tricked Sozonius into staying and eating menticide mushrooms. Maybe it's been that long since they've seen an insect)

SOZOS IMPRISONMENT

So, this next little headcanon of mine is an interesting one and might be confusing to explain. Was Sozonius imprisoned within his own mind while under the control of the mushroom crown? If he was, I can see him being stuck in a sort of loop, imagining his family and friends. Think like Mabel's Bubble from ‘Gravity Falls’ weirdmageddon. Sozonius is trapped in a mental bubble, stuck in a false reality as the now mushroom-infected Sozo takes over his body and actions. 

In Sozonius’s mental bubble he is in a place where trees are big, tall mushrooms and flowers are mushrooms, everywhere he turns its mushrooms. He knows something is wrong, everything is too strange, everyone he loves is there with him but is it real? It feels like he's living in a dream. Sozonius proceeds to talk to his friends and family as if they are actually there in which I noticed that Sozo will talk to the menticide mushrooms as if they are actual people.

Sozo Dialogue “Precious, perfect little mushrooms, Sozo is here now, Sozo will always be here…”

”Sozo is busy now… Sozo must commune with the ‘shrooms.”

As time passes more mushrooms grow in his mind prison, and they keep growing and growing until they start to grow on the people he loves. He knows something is happening, he's going mad, and he starts to search for an exit, he needs to escape this false reality that the mushroom crown has created for him. 

He starts fighting the mushroom crown’s hold on him which causes him to regain some awareness. This is when a part of him realizes he’s been tricked, and he starts refusing everything the Mushroomos give him and becomes cruel to them. However, the lambs have never done him wrong before and the lamb (from the cult) begins to be the only person he can trust. At least until it becomes too much and well… we know Sozo’s fate.

SOZO’S REVIVAL 

So Sozo doesn't get resurrected until all the bishops become mortal (at least in my playthrough)(I might change this to he was part of the cult before the bishops I’m not sure). So all the bishop siblings are in the cult and learning the ways of mortal stuff and Sozo appears around the same time, still the crazy Sozo we know and love. However, he’s still very addicted to the menticide mushrooms and both the Lamb and night workers have found Sozo digging through the mushroom crops like a lil racoon.

Based on the game, Sozo likes to run around the cult and do his own thing; he often looks very spaced out but the moment someone talks to him he starts spitting nonsense before yelling at them to go away. The only people Sozo will talk to are people that give Sozo what he wants, which is menticide mushrooms! If you do that for him he will talk your ear off with nonsense, in conversations with him he will often talk about his followers, them being liars and disgusting little creatures. One day though Sozo’s personality seems to change? He starts to tell the lamb,

 “Sozo was just here, all alone, thinking about mushrooms... Uh, Sozo means Sozo's little Mushroomo followers!”

”Yes,, they must be so lost without Sozo. They love Sozo! Everyone loves Sozo - especially Lamb!”

“Without their great and beloved Sozo, Mushroomos must be so scared... YOU! You must save them! Save them and bring them to Sozo.”

”They will be trapped in Anura. They are always getting captured when they don't have their great Sozo to protect them. Rescue them and bring them to me.”

But when you bring the followers to Sozo he ends up eating them. At first glance you can assume it's just his addiction, in which it most certainly could be! He sees a big mushroom and he's like oooo~ delicious but there's also a possibility of this being Dr. Sozonius’s anger coming out. The whole fighting against the mushroom crown’s influence and realization that he’s been tricked. Maybe a mix of his addiction and anger for what they did to him? I’m not too sure if Sozo eating the Mushroomos was a problem before he joined the cult.

Of course, this addiction must be stopped so the lamb decides enough is enough and refuses to get more Mushroomos. This causes Sozo to dissent and, with little choice, the Lamb has to put him in rehab. I imagine it would’ve been a struggle getting Sozo to the prison without the Red Crown’s help. With the power of an ant that is Sozo’s size it's a miracle he didnt break that pillory while he was in it. Sozo just stayed silent and didn't fight; the person he had put his trust and hope in has imprisoned him. Sozo is a bit depressed at that moment. 

After Sozo has been re-educated, released, and cured of his addiction the mushroom crown finally falls off his head. Which, like I said before, makes me wonder, was it being powered by the menticide mushrooms Sozo has been eating or is it something else?

But Dr. Sozonius talks about some stuff before saying,

Dr. Sozonius Dialogue “I can’t help but feel that I have you to thank for… something. You have my loyalty, I will remain here and serve you. Please, take this!”

Sozonius was ready to live his life rather than reunite with his family in the afterlife. He wasn't expecting to be resurrected after dying in the cult from old age. But Sozonius gave the lamb their loyalty and promised to stay in the cult and serve them. The Lamb had been so kind as to give Sozonius an immortality necklace, the Lamb didn’t want Sozonius to go yet… and Sozo’s heart was too kind and soft. He will have to wait a bit longer to return home to his family, but maybe some good things will come out of staying longer~

Also! Who do we think Sozo was talking to? 

A Mushroomo Dialogue "Who is Sozo talking to when he whispers in the dark...?"

Is he talking to himself? The mushrooms? Or the Fox?

[stellocchia]

I had a dream where Blue and Killer got bodyswapped and, when they first found out, they were both happy about it.

Killer because he thought he could have an easy and relaxed time until he figured out how to switch them back (because he still wanted to go back to Dust, Horror, and Cross so he immediately knew he had to actively look into how).

And Blue because at least now he got to let off some steam without caring about the consequences (because they still retained the other person's soul somehow? Only their conscience got switched).

Only then, both get confronted with how shit the other person's life is.

Killer isn't used to experiencing emotions constantly anymore, so that's already tiring for him. And I like to think that Blue has hyper-empathy syndrome on top of that. And that one comes with a not-so-fun set of symptoms like:

Heightened sense of empathy to the point where you full-on experience other people's emotions when they do, physical pain response when seeing others getting hurt (also heightened pain sensitivity), feeling inadequate, unworthy, or guilty when you're unable to help others (as that tends to become a big part of the person's identity), emotional dysregulation, harder time recognizing other people as autonomous, social anxiety, struggle maintaining personal boundaries, being more prone to self-isolation due to the frequent onslaught of negativity, a tendency toward developing codependent relationships.

Now, Killer struggles with some of this stuff as well (see a tendency to end up in codependent relationships, emotional dysregulation, struggles recognizing others as autonomous beings, and struggles maintaining personal boundaries) but most of them are new sensations and they're not easy to handle.

Pair that with the fact that Blue is constantly on the move helping AUs and getting barely any breaks because both of his teammates are old immortals who don't realize that he's struggling to keep up and that working with them is literally a form of self-harm and, yeah. Buddy's not having a great time.

He also recognizes that Blue's relationship with Dream is basically the flip side of his relationship with Nightmare. He is dependent on Nightmare to keep him empty because emotions on Stage 1 are Hell, and Blue is dependent on Dream to drown out the constant onslaught of negativity and his heightened pain responses. Neither of them can leave without suffering for it and it sucks. It sucks especially because, in Blue's body, he can't help but care about it.

On the other side, Blue found himself suddenly dealing with the Stage switches, determination-induced hallucinations (which, for him, take on the shape of his brother, as that's the one he's left behind and that keeps haunting him), chronic pain that he cannot simply beg Dream to numb for him, and the awful conditions he and the others are kept in at the castle.

Not to consider that, while he thought he could vent his frustrations without care, it's made very obvious from the start that Killer has three whole people relying on him. So he cannot actually afford not to care despite his emotions regarding them feeling so muted. And they have a LOT of issues. Dust and Horror have hair-trigger tempers and they often try to goade him into fighting to release pressure (because that's something Killer does for them), and Cross needs to be reminded who he is and where he is often. And so does XChara who Blue didn't even know existed until this switch.

And that's all while Blue is struggling to even remember who he is half the time and has to also deal with Nightmare's quite frankly abysmal understanding of personal space and boundaries regarding touch. Blue soon starts to think that these bitches need a union because damn. Like, he ain't getting paid either for his work with the Star Sanses, but this is worse.

Also, this experience helps both Killer and Blue to contextualize that time Blue tried to help Killer but went about it the wrong way. Because Killer now understands how Blue thinks. He understand that it is a genuine struggle for him to let others make their own choices when he's directly affected by the consequences. And Blue understands how little personal agency Killer is afforded in his day-to-day life. And how shitty it was to try to push him into getting helped how he thought was best, disregarding his opinions.

Basically, after they return in their own bodies, these two befriend each other.

And the dream ended with both of them helping the other to leave their toxic workplace environment and reconnecting with the healthy relationships in their life (Blue helps MTT+Cross getting to the Epic Sanses and Killer helping Blue get back to his universe and getting back to his brother)

[dunmeshistash]

Thinking about the immortality curse applying to all dungeons thing after the melini dungeon being heavily to be unique for it and then being retconned to "all dungeons have the immortality curse" I had the idea that dungeons haven't always had this feature until thistle built the golden country dungeon and the lion realised that was a super convenient way to farm more desires and proceeded to apply it to all other dungeons created from then on. I also like to think Melini is where the curse of immortality is at its strongest. If you can't find and fix the body you can revive it anywhere in the Melini dungeon no matter how long it's been because death is forbidden in thistle's domain but in other dungeons your soul can pass on if your party doesn't get to you soon enough(depending on the dungeon)

That's an interesting theory! I can't get screenshots right now but I remember Delgal not really being aware of dungeons when they first encountered it, only thistle, so perhaps they were way less common 1000 years ago? (As in very few had been found)

There's a time limite on The Island too but it seems to have more to do with how long until the body decomposes too much to stay attached to the soul (or is consumed/burnt etc)

My theory still is that the curse on the citizens is different from the general one that affects adventurers just because they never grow old or die from natural causes either

[cosmerelists]

What Happens When You Read Stormlight Archive first...

Personally, I ignored all of the “reading order” advice and chose Way of Kings as my very first Sanderson book. No regrets, to be honest! But from personal experience, here is what happens when your first stop in the Cosmere is the Stormlight Archive.

[Spoilers for Mistborn & Stormlight Archive & Warbreaker]

1. You don’t know who Hoid is

At first, Wit was just another character to me. Then the hints that he was, like, immortal or super old or some sort of god kept piling up. When Dalinar asked Wit if he was a Herald, I thought, “Ah ha! I was right!”

I was not right.

2. You don’t recognize any Worldhoppers

Zahel was just a grumpy guy who could do weird things with laundry. Azure was cool but I didn’t understand why she just sort of left the plot at one point. When people were called “oddly short” by Roshar standards, it meant nothing to me.

3. You don’t recognize non-Roshar magic

Seriously, that laundry scene with Zahel made NO SENSE to me. And when Hoid used non-Roshar powers, I just figured it was, like, some sort of bard thing.

4. You get very impatient with the interludes

I didn’t want my world to be expanded or to understand the nuances of spren or fabrials. I just wanted to get back to Kaladin! I remember being completely baffled by that one interlude where three men I didn’t know where looking for some dude with white hair and a narrow face. 

It was definitely only on a reread that I appreciated them. 

5. The big reveals are lost on you at first

When Szeth’s sword asked if he wanted to destroy some evil today, I thought, “Huh! Neat!” When Ialai namedropped Scadrial, I thought it was probably a person. And when Thaidakar was revealed as the Lord of Scars, I don’t think I even noticed really? I was too busy weeping as I tried to remember the difference between Thaidakar and Restares. 

6. You buy into the Shallan-Adolin-Kaladin love triangle

Honestly, I wasn’t sure which way it would turn out! Would Shallan leave Adolin for Kaladin? It felt so plausible! I had not yet learned the ironclad rule that all arranged marriages in a Sanderson book will be successful. By the time I got to Warbreaker, I was like, “Oh, Siri is being married against her will to the evil, tyrannical god-king? I guess they’ll get along!” And I was right.

7. The magic system feels like so much

I was hanging on by a thread trying to keep straight Surgebinding and Honorblades and Shardblades and whatever Hoid had going on. Not to mention fabrials. By the time I got to Mistborn, it was like, “Three completely independent magic systems that depend on their own rules and can interact? Yeah! I can handle that!”

8. You want to read them all

For me, starting with Stormlight Archive was best! I loved it so much that I was suddenly wanting to read everything Sanderson wrote. Plus, the backwards reveals were pretty fun. Oh, you’re dead, are you, Kelsier? That’s not what Book 4 of Stormlight says...

And hey! Crazy how the King’s Wit keeps showing up!

[katieaki]

So, you’re interested in jumping into Pony Express but aren’t sure where to start/feel daunted by the undertaking/are freaked out about missing lore & context? Pony Express is intended to be a completely standalone work with no knowledge of my prior work necessary for enjoyment, but it has been rolling for quite a while now! Here’s some info to help you orient yourself! 💫 I recommend looking at this guide on desktop as the mobile version collapses the bullet points in a strange way.

✨ Here’s the absolute most basic summary:

Lou Primrose (30 years old, 5'0", illiterate, hardworking, 3x rodeo champion) is a rider for the Pony Express, the Wasteland's mail service. Lou has agreed to transport an unusual package from the middle of the Wasteland to the nearly uninhabited coast: a glamorous redhead named Holliday Bell. A case of mistaken identity sees Lou brutalized and disabled by religious assassin from the church of Johnny Knives (god of death) Reckoning "Artie" Tehachapi, who attempts to atone for her wrongdoing by serving Lou until she's healed. Together (for better or worse) the three of them head toward the ocean through unknown and dangerous territory.

This work is erotic in nature 🔞 with some violence and survival-type gore.

✨ If you’re totally new here, you might have some questions. Here’s a super quick primer under the cut!

What’s up with The Wasteland?

The Wasteland is a post-apocalyptic, non-dystopian society in the former American southwest. It has been several generations since the civilization Before (that’s us, or maybe like... our grandparents) was decimated. Nobody is particularly interested in the whys or hows of the collapse, though it seems that environmental disaster & earthquakes were the main factor.

It’s a series of towns, shrines, convents, and monasteries. Quite a lot of it is in repurposed buildings from Before (imagine Route 66-style gas stations, diners, and motels, all heavily repaired) and some of it is kind of ramshackle old-west-y new builds.

God of Death, religious assassins, churches– what’s up with all that? I’m afraid, sounds lore-y.

Wasteland society is heavily structured around the two churches of the gods of life & sorrow (The Listening Lady) and death & justice (Johnny Knives), who are married, immortal, and absolutely real. They live apart from the mortals, but they do live in the Wasteland with them. The Listening Lady’s church is responsible for basically every aspect of Wasteland life. Listening Church shrines and convents are also the Wasteland’s official or de facto orphanages, pantries, farms, hospitals, therapists, inns, textile mills, wedding venues, and basically everything else you need to keep a society functioning. Listening Church acolytes may have a huge variety of occupations, from the extremely down-to-earth (midwifery and laundry etc) to the real Weird and Churchy (doing rituals and divination etc). Many of them take a vow of silence in honor of The Listening Lady. The church of Johnny Knives is much smaller and much more specialized. Knife Church disciples are assassins whose sacred duty is to kill those who need killing, as judged by god. 

You don’t really need to get INTO this, though. What you need to know is: Listening Church acolytes are generally warm and kind and in caregiver- or artisan-type roles. Knife Church disciples are peacekeepers & generally a little scary, but are also working toward the public good– kind, but not necessarily nice.

I know the concept of gods and disciples invokes the image of like, robes and shit, but that is NOT how it is! Listening Church acolytes tend toward chiffon and midcentury-lingerie-as-outwear looks and/or country western workwear, depending. Knife Church disciples nearly invariably have sort of a greaser/biker/leather daddy thing going on. They all talk about the gods like they’re their parents and their bosses, which they are. I think it’s kind of more normal than you might be expecting. 

So there’s like, magic?

According to the Wastelanders, yes. You don’t need to worry too much about any of that. Just let them do their things.

And everyone is in a church?

Almost everyone interacts with Listening Church in some way, very few interact with Knife Church in any way, but most people in the Wasteland are ‘civilians’ (that is to say, not working for either church).

And they’re all lesbians? How do they have babies??

They’re not ALL lesbians, but basically all our POV characters are & it’s a very lesbian-heavy society. There are many ways that two women may have children, including biological. You got this, I know you do. 

And everyone is blue?

Yeah, but it doesn’t really come up.

Why?

Because I liked drawing them with the sky blue posca paint marker when I began this body of work.

Ok. What’s up with Lou?

Louetta “Lou” Primrose is a rider for the Pony Express– she’s a Wasteland mailman. Her job is basically her whole life. She’s been working since she was ten years old, working for the Pony Express since she was 14. After receiving a romantic rejection from Venus, the dance hall girl she’s in love with, Lou agrees to take a strange red-headed woman, Holliday Bell, to the (allegedly) uninhabited coast, where Holliday’s wife is (allegedly) waiting for her.

Lou is dedicated, practical, and hard-working, but also hot-headed, frequently mean, a little self-conscious, and ‘a rambling man,’ never in one place for long. She’s markedly not religious among other Wastelanders (so is a great pov character for you if you’re new to al this!). Her greatest achievement has been winning the main event at the Wasteland’s biggest horse games three years in a row, unseating the previous champion. Nobody else really cares that much.

What’s up with Holliday?

Holliday Bell is an elegant and mysterious woman who showed up to Lou’s post office with stamps pinned to her blouse, claiming she’d mailed herself there from a town hundreds of miles away. She is asking Lou, who works at the most westerly post office in Wasteland, to finish the delivery by bringing her way out to the coast where she claims her wife, a pearl diver, is waiting for her. 

Holliday is strange. From the beginning, Lou feels put off by her personality, which is both abrasive and seemingly rehearsed. She can be unspeakably cutting and is obviously hiding a big secret. 

What’s up with Artie?

Reckoning “RT” “Artie” Tehachapi is the Knife Church disciple who, after a series of lies and miscommunications spanning several parties across the Wasteland, is sent to apprehend Lou, who she thinks has kidnapped Holliday. She breaks Lou’s wrist and dislocates her shoulder in their first altercation before she learns that Lou is an innocent party in all of this. Deeply ashamed of her actions, she vows to serve Lou until they make it back to civilization.

Artie is upbeat and optimistic, especially for Knife Church, but her guilt at her transgressions against Lou & eagerness to make up for them have left her in a kind of anxiety spiral.  She’s the only one who has any real survival skills and continually works herself to the last drop, and then works herself a few drops more. When her big, horrible, deep, dark secret is revealed, her mental state continues to deteriorate.

What’s up with Venus? We haven’t seen her in a while?/Who’s the one-armed smokeshow?

Venus is Lou’s love interest, the girl she left behind in Hereafter. We haven’t seen her in a while because she, wisely, stayed there while Lou went off on her extremely inadvisable mission.

Venus of the Wastes is a dime-a-dance girl/saloon girl/sex worker who lives in Hereafter. She is Lou’s friend and Lou is both in love with her and her best client. Just before Lou left to deliver Holliday, she admitted to Venus that she was in love with her. Venus is, at least, very fond of Lou.

✨ Ok, but this is a lot! Where do I start??

If you’re looking to hop in on the story in progress, I’ve made summaries of part 1 , part 2 , and part 3 as we have gone on. I’ll update this with part 4 when we finish it. 

If you’re a completionist, the links above have epub & pdf files of the full text of each part. Here’s where part 4 begins, until we finish that part and I post it all together. You can find the rest of part 4 by scrolling backwards through the collection. I will also attach pdfs & epubs of all the full text to this post on my patreon!

If you’re a completionist completionist & you want it ALL, here’s everything and the chronological order in which they occur in-universe. Again, Pony Express is meant to be able to stand on its own two feet without any of the rest of this, but it might be fun for you to read the rest. The first three here are kind of a series, but Tears Can’t Put Out This Flame and Bloodied on Arrival could both be read independently. Care and Keeping probably needs those two to support it, unless you’re happy just jumping in and figuring stuff out via context. It’s Artie’s backstory, but it’s not necessary for you to read to make Pony Express make sense. It’ll just give you a little more dramatic irony etc. 

Tears Can’t Put Out This Flame  - a novella about Hero Sasaki, a novice acolyte at the Church of the Listening Lady (god of life & sorrow) who has been tasked with delivering a package to an anchorite from her church. Frances is a disgraced assassin from The Church of Johnny Knives (god of justice & death) who has been tasked with escorting her. Through trials of the road, emergency first aid, prayer, ritual (blood and otherwise), a little sex, and a lot of tears, they find love exactly where they should've expected it in the first place.

Bloodied on Arrival - a novel about Nuisance (and Hero), a road-weary assassin from The Church of Johnny Knives (god of justice & death) who finds herself and her new cat taking refuge at a companionship shrine run by a beautiful older widow, Hero, of the Church of the Listening Lady (god of life and sorrow). The two can't deny their immediate connection and aim for a rewarding one-night stand, but things don't go as planned.

Care and Keeping - a work in progress novel(?) about Hero and Nuisance and their new adopted feral child, Artie, a little girl who has known nothing but abuse, pain, and starvation who believes it’s her sacred mission to join Knife Church. Nuisance agrees to train her to join the church in a bid to keep her from it for as long as possible. This is a kind of coming-of-age story for Artie and a becoming parents story for Hero & Nuisance.

Pony Express - A work in progress novel about Lou (also featuring Artie) - see synopsis at beginning of post.

The novel/las are available for purchase on my Patreon for $5 or for pay-what-you-want $5+ on Gumroad. If you find you can’t afford that, but want to read it, please let me know! DM me wherever or email me at missluckycatknives (at) gmail (dot) com I’m happy to make my work accessible to you. All Pony Express and Care and Keeping are free as I work on them. 

[kurim-chis]

this post in a nutshell: the Vidyadhara cycle can get a bit fucked up. sometimes. a lot of times. all the time, if you really think about it.

Note: i also blame my philosophy teacher. he was an awesome teacher, but philosophy class always made me question my own existence…

i think Dan Heng is right in wanting absolutely nothing to do with Imbibitor Lunae’s past and very clearly states he is NOT Lunae. However despite Dan Heng’s wishes and many people empathizing with him, in my opinion, it boils down to this:

the mentality of being a Vidyadhara

A case of “shut the fuck up and don’t spout bullshit, you don’t know how it feels, experience it yourself and then you know how hard it actually is��

First Note: Vidyadhara are just built differently — physically, mentally, and psychologically

For the vidyadhara, it’s their natural life cycle to be reborn with a clean slate every 700 years, possessing no reproduction capability and being immortal as long as they underwent the reincarnation process. They see it as normal and a “matter of fact” thing, and xianzhou natives do too, but can other non-vidyadhara species truly understand this? It’s kind of like how other species see things differently and have different morals from humans.

It’s a bit of a mind-fuckery because a vidyadhara is always the same person, but they always will get a clean state, and yet depending on each incarnation they might turn out completely different.

So they’re the same, but they’re also not.

Second Note: don’t say any bullshit until you’re the one going through it, then you will realize how hard it is

Basically this. Perhaps some aren’t going into a breakdown when their vidyadhara friend just deletes them from their life (or well, the vidyadhara is deleted and born anew), and they try to accept it because they’re too old and are wise enough to accept their lot in life, but there are others who are just bamboozled by it, even though they must have thought they were prepared for it. exhibit 1) Jing Yuan

Even the vidyadhara are not excerpt from this.

There’s a vidyadhara mirage who says his vidyadhara lover just went into an egg. To the race, this is a normal cycle of life. She won’t remember him. She will be the same person born anew. She will be a different person too. She can’t be burdened with anything of her past incarnation. He knows she is not dead, but he stares at the rolling waves and feels as if she is because he cannot and as a vidyadhara he must not see her reincarnation as HER.

But his feelings won’t matter, do they? This mirage said he couldn’t wait for his turn to come, but this wouldn’t guarantee him another future with his lover because CLEAN STATE you know? After returning to his egg, being reborn anew, then all of this — his grief, his solitude, his love — won’t matter anymore because he will also stop caring about it as well. It won’t matter. They won’t matter. The only thing that matters is their new life, but at that point that is NOT going to be the life of their incarnation, is it?

This is such a contradiction, isn’t it? Perhaps in “another life” he had also thought this, had also grieved for someone else or been grieved in return, but those lifetimes don’t matter in the same way his current one won’t matter after he reaches 700 years old.

“So you’re gonna be reborn after another 157 years? That’s how your race keeps being immortal and wards off the mara disease? Just the way you were created by Permanence? Cool.”

“So you’re the SAME but also a DIFFERENT person every time you go into an egg? That’s kinda trippy, but OK.”

“What will happen after that? Will we still be friends when you wake up?”

and the next time your friend appears, they are a child and you are absolutely no one to them

(…)

(how is this immortality?)

(my friend/brother/sister/parent/mentor/student/comrade/lover has not forgotten, because this is not something as simple as forgetting, this is a clean state — in a way only the vidyadhara, transcendent and celestial, can achieve. a cruel severing of everything you had to do with them.)

(they are gone, and in their place is a child with a clean state)

(it’s as if they are dead and you’re left to deal with a legacy—)

So despite what Dan Heng says and the Vidyadhara culture, I can also see why Jing Yuan struggles and is pained by the sight of Dan Heng. And also why Xianzhou deems Dan Heng guilty.

I also can understand why Blade is so enraged at Dan Heng and refuses to back down or stop trying to kill him (Blade being insane put aside) due to his incarnation’s sins, because how UNFAIR would it for Imbibitor Lunae to get a clean state just like that? What, they’re same person? But they get to start over as a NEW person? All his sins like that, gone? What sort of bullshit is that?

Just. This whole vidyadhara reincarnation thing can get very, very fucked up, you know?