#I think about him dying to see this guy again
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I’m going to answer in good faith that you are actually curious as to our rationale, and not trolling us.
I never said he saved the world. His priority was, and always has been, to turn Ravka into a refuge for Grisha, so that they had somewhere safe to come.
Two, “expanding the Fold” didn’t mean “plunge the whole world into shadow”. It meant “expanding it into enemy territories as a threat, to get them to stop invading Ravka constantly so the country can get a freaking break.” If he had the power to move it where he wanted to, that gave him leverage to bring other governments to the negotiation table.
Next, in the show we are blatantly shown that Novakribirsk is a military town, at that time mostly filled with a rebel faction that were ready to declare war on Ravka (and also were working with the druskelle to sell Grisha to Fjerda). Were there civilian casualties? Yes. But if that attack prevented a full on Ravkan civil war, then the body count would arguably be worth it.
Stealing Alina’s power was where he really messed up. In him mind, he was basically putting her in time out - he made it obvious that he planned on them eventually being equals, but at that point she was too young and impetuous to be trusted with her powers (especially since she had complained CONSTANTLY about wanting them to be gone). Was it wrong? Yes. Can I see his logic? Also yes. In his mind, the two of them had eternity to figure things out between them, he was just making sure she didn’t screw up his plans in the meantime.
This is where it starts to get complicated. Honestly, nearly ALL of the Darkling’s actions from S&S on are nonsensical, and a total contradiction to everything we know about him before that. The Watsonian explanation is usually that the merzhost he used to survive the Fold after Alina abandoned him there drove him insane.
The Doylist explanation is that the Darkling got popular, and LB got too much push back from the puritanical side of the fandom, so she started making him do All The Evil so they readers would understand He’s The Bad Guy (Really, Don’t Look at the Monarchy).
That being said.
If by “hurt Genya” you mean the scarring in S&S, she was a soldier under his command who actively worked against him in a combat scenario. If you’re referring to her serving in the Grand Palace… that is 100% on the King and Queen, not him.
Attacking Alina’s home and killing her mother-figure (honestly a laughable concept, nothing about Ana Kuya before that implied any such relationship): he was trying to stop Alina. She was fighting a WAR against him, and was the only person with a chance of stopping him.
What should he have done? She’s the one who brought Keramzin into it by sending Grisha there. He didn’t harm the children, whatever he claimed, but he executed her allies.
He is a General. Fighting a War.
Those people he was taking from her? Abusers. Monarchy supporters. Turncoats. In his mind, he was freeing her from their influence. They were the ones holding her back.
Again, I don’t agree with these actions, I think they were not the correct way to handle things - mostly because he SERIOUSLY underestimated Alina’s selfishness and desire to fade into obscurity with Mal regardless of what that meant for the world - but if you remember that these are two military leaders in a war where thousands are dying, and not a YA couple going through a bad breakup…
The logic isn’t hard to understand.
“Heroes” and “Villains” exist in context. If there were someone who was better for Ravka, who helped people and made the world a better place, then yes, he would be an example of an anti-hero becoming a villain in his extremis.
But there isn’t. Literally every other character on the “Hero” side does things just as bad - and usually worse - for the country.
Meaning when you tally the actual outcomes of characters actions, for good or evil… he comes out as the greatest force for good in the entire narrative.
How can you call that person a villain?
Apparently I need to say it again:
While other people may ship darklina because they enjoy seeing the heroine with the villain, I ship them because I DON’T think he’s a villain.
In fact, all things being equal, he did more good for Ravka and the Grisha than all the “heroes” combined.
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I'm trying to get the guy I like and it's going wrong (or maybe not)
nerdjo x punkguru
words: 2652
notes: maybe I'll write more about this AU
Geto quietly enters the library, closing the door carefully to avoid making any noise.
Alright, now he has to find his classmate, Gojo Satoru, and, on his teacher Yaga’s orders, tell him that he’s going to be his new private math tutor. He can’t help but feel a little embarrassed—Gojo will probably think he’s an idiot for struggling with simple equations involving numbers and letters, and that he’s wasting time teaching someone who wears so much eyeliner. But whatever. He’s only doing this to pass that devilish math course. That’s the only thing that matters.
He walks through the hallways, first passing by the history section, where there’s no one. So, he heads to the next section—literature—where there are two people, but neither is who he’s looking for. He keeps searching everywhere but can’t find him. Yaga said he’d be here, maybe he’s just looking in the wrong places, though he’s already searched every section… except for the physics section. He hopes he’s there, because honestly, he doesn’t want to search the whole school.
He steps into the hall, and there he is—Gojo, reading a book.
Well, this is it. He sighs, resigned, and walks up to him.
“Hey, Gojo.”
“Huh?” Gojo turns around, blinking, adjusts his glasses, and closes the book. “Oh, hey.”
“Sorry to interrupt. I don’t want to bother you—“
“No, no, it’s fine,” Gojo clears his throat and holds the book against his chest. “What’s up?”
“Well… you see… I need help with math, and Professor Yaga said you could help me.”
“Oh,” Gojo adjusts his glasses again. “Sure, no problem.”
Geto blinks.
“Really? You’ll help me?” He can’t help but smile a little.
“Of course.” Gojo laughs lightly. “So, when are you free?”
“Uh, maybe this weekend? Does that work for you?”
“Yeah, sure. How about we meet at the park near here, around noon?”
“Yes! Thanks so much. See you then.”
“See ya.”
Geto waves and walks off.
Well, that was easy. For a moment, he thought Gojo might refuse, but it went the opposite way. In fact, it was pretty nice. Now that he thinks about it, it’s the first time they’ve really talked. They’re in the same class, but they’ve never said anything to each other before. But whatever, that’s not important. Now he can rest easy.
Meanwhile, Gojo, who had stayed in the hallway, feels his breath return to normal. His face is burning, and his heart is pounding. He can’t believe Geto actually talked to him and that they’re going to spend time together—well, just for studying, but still, it’s something. He sighs, feeling like he’s living in a dream.
Since he can remember, Gojo Satoru has always had feelings for Geto Suguru.
The first time he saw him was when Geto entered the classroom: his black hair impeccably styled, his purple eyes accentuated with carefully applied eyeliner, the piercings on his eyebrow, and that damn lock of hair.
Geto sat next to him, and Gojo froze, not wanting to look at him directly. He didn’t want to seem like a freak. But it was pointless, because Geto glanced over at him while taking books out of his bag. To Gojo’s surprise, he smiled at him kindly. Gojo’s face turned bright red, and he hid behind his book, pretending to read, but really, he was dying inside.
Since then, the years passed with Gojo watching Geto from a distance, like a lovesick fool. Gojo excelled at everything—everything except social skills—so he had no idea how to approach Geto. Plus, it was no surprise that Geto was popular almost immediately.
Of course, Geto Suguru was incredible. It was clear everyone would love him.
So maybe this was Gojo’s only chance to get closer to him and at least try to become friends.
“What’s up with you? You’re distracted, and that’s not normal for you,” Sukuna said while skating next to Gojo as they walked out of school together.
“What are you talking about? I’m not distracted.”
“Yeah, right. I made a joke about Ijichi and you didn’t laugh.”
Gojo rolls his eyes.
“Maybe the joke was so bad that I didn’t find it funny.”
“It can’t be because you laugh at anything that’s about Ijichi.”
Gojo grumbles and walks faster, but Sukuna, on his skateboard, keeps following him.
“You know I’m not going to leave until you tell me—”
Then Gojo shoves Sukuna and runs off. Sukuna falls to the ground, but he quickly gets up, realizing Gojo has already disappeared. Great, next time Gojo will pay for this.
Gojo throws his backpack down somewhere and flops onto his bed. Well, he really doesn’t want to tell Sukuna about being Geto’s tutor. If he found out, he’d never let Gojo live it down. It might sound a bit dramatic, but Sukuna knows about Gojo’s one-sided crush on Geto, and if he knows Gojo’s going to be his private tutor, he’ll torment him for the rest of his life. Gojo’s not about to let that happen.
But now he just has to survive the weekend. It’ll be easy.
It wasn’t easy.
Avoiding Sukuna was a real challenge. In fact, he’s getting paranoid now, looking around nervously. Then, just as he’s lost in his thoughts, he accidentally bumps into someone.
“Oh, sorry!”
Gojo’s heart starts to race… or maybe he’s just having a panic attack, but he hopes it’s the latter.
“Su… Geto?” he stammers, his heart hammering.
“Uh… yeah, I… caught your glasses before they fell. Sorry about that. Here.”
Gojo feels Geto’s warm hand as he passes him his glasses, and he thinks he might melt. He quickly puts them on.
“Don’t worry, I should have been paying more attention to where I was going.” Gojo rubs his neck, trying to calm himself. Now that he can see better, he notices the eyeliner, with hints of purple.
Damn it, he’s going to die.
“You’re so careless, Geto,” comes a voice from nearby.
Both of them turn. It’s Shoko, Geto’s close friend, and she’s smiling at Gojo. She exchanges a few glances with Geto, then laughs softly and says goodbye to Gojo before walking off.
“Sorry, I’ve got class with Shoko, and we’re already running late. So… weekend, right?”
“Uh, yeah,” Gojo says quickly.
“Alright, see you then,” Geto waves and walks off.
Gojo is left standing there, his heart racing, feeling like the luckiest person in the world.
The weekend finally arrives, and Gojo can’t stop feeling nervous. As he packs the math books into his bag, he keeps reminding himself that this is just a study session, not a date. He needs to relax so he doesn’t mess it up.
When he heads out the door, he ignores the employees asking where he’s going or when he’ll be back. He opens the door, not bothering to close it, and heads to the park.
He’s the first one to arrive, which is good. He stands by the entrance, smoothing his hair, trying to calm his nerves. He needs to act casual, or he’ll embarrass himself in front of Geto.
“Hey, Gojo.”
He hears Geto’s voice from a distance and turns around so quickly that his neck hurts, but it doesn’t matter. It’s Geto, and he looks… as gorgeous as always. Gojo can’t help but smile.
“Hey, G-Geto.”
“Got everything—notebooks, books, calculator, and a ton of pencils,” Geto says when he reaches Gojo. “Is that enough?”
“It’s more than enough,” Gojo says, sounding like an idiot. He clears his throat and tries to focus. “Shall we go in?”
They head to a bench to study, sitting across from each other. They spend quite a while on math, and it seems to be paying off.
“You did great, Geto.”
“Really? It wasn’t so bad this time.”
“Because practice makes perfect. If you don’t practice, you’ll fail. But don’t worry. For your first session, you did great,” Gojo praises him, and Geto smiles, warming Gojo’s heart. “Do you want to take a break?”
“Yeah, please,” Geto says, pushing the books aside. “I can’t process another number.”
Gojo puts a few notebooks back in his bag, and then he notices that Geto is staring at him, making him nervous. He wonders if there’s something on his face.
“Is something wrong?”
“Uh…” Geto adjusts in his seat. “Actually, I wanted to ask something…”
“Ask me something?” Gojo doesn’t expect this. “Sure.”
“Yeah, well…” Geto plays with his fingers, which Gojo finds endearingly adorable. “I’ve noticed that studying doesn’t seem to be difficult for you, no offense, but it seems like you’re not even trying and you’re always the first to turn in the exam sheet…” Oh, so he’s observant. “So, I wanted to ask… Are you a genius? I don’t want to make you uncomfortable, it’s just that it’s a doubt that almost everyone in the class has” he hurries to clarify.
Gojo laughs and Geto waits for a response.
“Well, yeah, I am”.
“Oh…” he looks at Gojo as if he really hadn’t seen him before. “Shoko owes me 10 yen”.
“Wait, did you guys bet?”
“Uh…” Geto shrugs slightly, looking a bit embarrassed. “She started it and couldn’t back down… Sorry?”
Gojo laughs again.
“Don’t worry about it, but at least I expect half the money”.
Now Geto laughs too, although he doesn’t think he said anything funny, but it doesn’t matter, as long as Geto is laughing and he’s happy.
And well, things were going really well, too well to be true, until someone called out his name. And of course, for Gojo’s bad luck, someone had to interrupt him and it was none other than…
“Sukuna” Gojo says between his teeth.
“I didn’t think you’d be around here…” he looks at Gojo and then slowly looks at Geto, then looks back at Gojo and smiles in a macabre way, and Gojo just wants to make him disappear from the face of the earth. “And Geto, what a surprise”.
He approaches and sits down next to Gojo, intentionally pushing him a bit.
“Uh, hi, Sukuna” despite everything, Geto smiles, sensing a bit of tension between the two.
“Sukuna, don’t you have somewhere else to be?” Gojo narrows his eyes.
“Well…” Sukuna pretends to think, putting his hand on his chin. “No” and smiles, showing his teeth.
“I thought you’d be with Uraume” Gojo counterattacks with a smile.
Sukuna had been in love with Uraume for a long time, one of the reasons why they have a minimum of mutual understanding. So far, Sukuna and Uraume were just good friends, but it seems he touched a sensitive nerve because Sukuna frowned.
“Them has other things to do”.
If looks could kill, Gojo would probably already be dead.
Geto looks at the exchange between Gojo and Sukuna, wondering what their relationship is. At school, everyone knows that Gojo and Sukuna are a kind of rivals, always competing for the top spot in the class, he thought maybe they didn’t get along, but it seems it’s not entirely true. So, in silence, he packs up his things, and when he’s done, he looks at them, they’re still arguing, maybe it’s time to leave, although he would have liked to spend a little more time with Gojo…
Geto gets up and clears his throat, trying to get his attention, which he manages to do.
“Uh, I’m leaving, I don’t want to interrupt… whatever it is you’re doing” and says in a low voice. “I guess I’ll see you later, Gojo”. And he leaves.
Gojo panics and Sukuna seems victorious for achieving his goal, but he won’t let that happen, so he gets up and rushes over.
“Wait, Geto!”
Geto stops and turns around.
“Yeah?”
“I… Sorry about that, it’s just that Sukuna is…” annoying, pesky, unbearable is what he would have liked to say. “A special case, dealing with him sometimes is… well, sorry if you felt uncomfortable”.
“Oh, don’t worry about it. I really didn’t think you and Sukuna were good friends” and he shrugs.
Gojo blinks, the way he said it sounded a bit weird, but maybe he’s just overthinking.
“He’s an idiot” Gojo downplays it and sees Geto laugh slightly, apparently as a bit of encouragement. “And also, we haven’t coordinated when your next class will be” he rubs the back of his neck with his hand, he’s starting to get nervous.
“Ah, that’s true” Geto thinks for a few seconds and then takes his phone out of his pocket. “How about we exchange phone numbers? That way we can coordinate”.
“Uh, ah… Yeah, sure!” And Gojo smiles like an idiot. After exchanging numbers, Geto promises to text or call him.
“See you soon, Gojo” he smiled warmly and walked away.
“Y-yeah, me too!” Well, time to shut up, he runs a hand through his hair and sighs.
He has Suguru Geto’s phone number.
“So you were trying to keep me from knowing you were seeing Geto? You’re quite the Romeo, Gojo” said Sukuna, who suddenly appeared at his side.
Gojo shook his head.
“I’m just his math teacher.”
He kept his eyes on where Geto had gone, he sure looked ridiculous, but don’t blame him, he’s just a man in love.
“Mmm, I guess it’ll do you good, the good thing is that you made a very good impression —and he laughed.”
“Don’t even think about interrupting us next time.”
“Oh, I don’t promise anything…”
Gojo punched Sukuna in the stomach, then turned around and walked away.
As Gojo headed home, he received a text from Geto. Excited, he replied and hoped that this was the start of a friendship or, if he allowed himself to dream big, something more.
#satosugu#stsg#goge#gego#gojo satoru#geto suguru#shoko ieiri#sukuna#ao3 fanfic#ao3 writer#ao3#ao3 author#ao3 fic#jjk#jujutsu kaisen#alternative universe#modern au#writing#fanfic#fanfic promo#fanfic prompt#fanfic recommendation#fanfic rec#ao3feed#jjk fanfic#satosugu fanfic
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hihi! was wondering if I could request dyeing Junhan’s hair at like idk 3 AM 🙂↕️😸
Hello Hello! I hope that you like this!
Han Hyeongjun Summary: Dying Hyeongjun’s hair at 3am when you two should be sleeping. (idol au) WC:640 Warning:none
photo not mine credits to owner.
Browsing the hair dye section at 2:45 am definitely wasn’t what either Hyeongjun or you had planned, but sometimes it was fun to make spontaneous and maybe a little questionable decisions.
“Won’t the company be mad at you dying your hair without permission though?” you asked with a hint of concern as you inspected a box of dye.
“I might get scolded a bit, but they’re pretty open about letting us try out hair that we want,” he answered, picking up a box of sapphire black hair dye.
“Ooh that would look good on you,” you say, taking the box from his hand. “The blue in it will help make the black not look flat and it matches your skin tone well,” you add, holding the box up to his face.
“I didn’t know you knew so much about hair,” he said with a slight chuckle.
“I’m no cosmetologist, but I do know a few things,” you shrug. “Do you like this color? Should we get it?” you questioned.
“Yeah I like it and I trust your opinion,” he smiled.
“Great , let’s get it,” you smile back at him.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Currently you're both in the bathroom of your apartment. Changed into clothes that you guys don’t care about. Your hand gloved up, but you can still feel the coolness of the dye seep through them. Hyeongjun is seated on the edge of the tub as you apply the dye to his head. His eyes are closed, enjoying the feeling of your hands working the dye into his roots.
“Ah,” you let out, suddenly removing your hands from his hair.
“Are you ok?” Hyeongjun checked, eyes shooting open.
“Yeah I’m fine, it’s just…” you sniff, scrunching your nose. “My nose itches and I can’t-” you sniff again, shaking your head a little. “Scratch it.” Hyeongjun let’s a relieved breath and a slight laugh.
“Come here,” he says gently. You crouch down in front of him. He lifts his hand to scratch your nose. “Here?” he asked.
“Up a little bit.” He moved his hand up. “No wait down-ah right there.” Hyeongjun’s nails satisfy the itch on your nose. “Thanks,” you say standing back up. Your hands resume massaging the dye into his hair. Hyeonjun’s eyes fell closed once more.
“Now we wait,” you announce, removing the gloves from your hands. After you made sure that his hair was thoroughly covered with the dye.
You set a timer for thirty minutes and Hyeonjun pulls up a playlist for you two to listen to while waiting for the dye to sit in his hair.
Once the timer rings you turn on the water in the shower, adjusting the temperature and begin to carefully rinse the color from Hyeonjun’s hair, watching as the stained water disappears down the drain.
“There all done,” you state, setting the towel you were using to dry his hair to the side. The pair of you walked over to the bathroom mirror so that Hyeonjun could see the finished result. “What do you think?” you asked.
“I like it. You did a good job and you're right I think it suits me,” he replies.
“It totally does. Villains are gonna freak out,” you say playfully, making Hyeongjun laugh. “Come on, let's take some pictures,” you insist. After snapping some pictures you send them to Hyeongjun, so that he can upload them.
By the time you're finished cleaning up the sun is starting to peek out from the horizon. You and Hyeongjun can definitely feel the drowsiness starting to kick in. The two of you make yourselves comfortable under the covers of your bed. Knowing that you’ll have to be up in a few hours, but neither of you really care as you wrap your arms around each other whispering out ironic goodnights to each other as the sun rises.
taglist: @purplelady85 @gingerjunhan @chewednails @ezlynkisses @mon2sunjinsuver @mxlly143 @seungseung-minmin @junhanism
comment or message me to be added!
#xdinary heroes#xdh#xdh imagines#xdh x reader#xdinary heroes imagines#xdinary heroes x reader#xh junhan#xh hyeongjun#xdh junhan#xdh hyeongjun#junhan x reader#hyeongjun x reader#han hyeongjun x reader#junhan#hyeongjun#han hyeongjun
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Do you guys ever imagine what the night after Arthur met Merlin was like for Arthur?
Like, I imagine him going through the normal motions of his night, but constantly thinking about this random guy that dared to insult the prince. And yeah, now that guys in the stocks because he should be… right?
But ever since that encounter Arthur can’t stop thinking about it and it’s not because he hated it. He feels different. It felt different being around him. Why? Why does he feel a small ember of excitement at the idea of seeing him again?
He’s frustrated by all of this. What happened shouldn’t be affecting him this much. It doesn’t matter. And yet it feels like he just met someone he didn’t know he was waiting for.
“There’s something about you, Merlin… I can’t quite put my finger on it”
#I think about him dying to see this guy again#but not admitting it to himself#ugh I need to be inside his brain#bbc merlin#merlin#merlin bbc#merthur#arthur pendragon#merlin x arthur#arthur x merlin#merlin emrys#mine#merlin 1x01
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good coping mechanisms [not pictured]
nightwing 116 & red robin 12
#is it self-sacrifice or self-destruction? why not both#dick grayson#tim drake#i think tim's red robin fight is probably better known bc dick fans tend to focus on the angst at the beginning of the renegade arc#instead of the angst at the end of the renegade arc#HOWEVER at the end of the renegade arc blüdhaven is exploding#and dick - who's been extremely down on himself and convinced that maybe he's kind of a bad guy -#gets a brief new lease on life by being highly-motivated to charge into the exploding city with a borderline suicidal plan#which very predictably ends in him charging into an explosion and passing out and getting rescued by batman#(bruce is then a jerk about it but never mind that for the sake of the parallel)#and so dick spends his whole charge-into-the-city-on-fire soliloquy thinking about how he's gonna do things RIGHT now#and he's BETTER now - no more shades of gray!! only black and white!!!#and on the one hand this is clearly genuinely felt and it's a huge relief for him to be able to see himself as a hero again#but it's hard to miss that. like. the actual plan that he has.#involves putting himself in extreme danger with no backup and probably dying#and there's a strong implication that maybe to dick that part is a feature and not a bug#hoc scripsi
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the problem with a lot Generic Het Pairings isnt that they’re straight, it’s that the fact that they’re straight-passing means the writers use that as an excuse not to do anything interesting with them because the romantic angle is a given so who’s going to waste time exploring why these two would actually get together
#this is about desmond & lucy btw. to be clear.#THEIR ORIGINAL ‘ROMANCE’ PLAN IS SO BAD AND SHIT AND BORING AND GOD IM GLAD IT NEVER HAPPENED#her dying is also bad and shit BUT. thank god they didnt make her the eve to Repopulate The Human Race With Desmond. that’s so much worse#anyway if they’re going to be together its because they have had the world’s worst life experiences in parallel and need to get through this#together. not just because they are Guy and Lady in the same proximity.#(although im me so if i was writing it i dont even think id go romance endgame im going to qpr them. again. i do this.)#but if it was. in the universe where lucy lives.#it’s desmond who has enough of clay’s memories in his head to Know but who still trusts her. despite it.#she is a traitor and the assassins have good reason not to trust her because of that. but he’s desmond first and an assassin second. and#desmond *trusts* her. she hasn’t earned this. he does anyway. (he is ignoring how much of this is guilt over nearly killing her.)#and it’s lucy who is going to be recovering from that wound for a long time. who has been uncovered as a spy in the meantime while desmond#was in a coma and is having to reexperience the same sudden isolation she did when she was 17 because william miles cuts her off.#they won’t let her die. but they won’t let her be a part of them anymore. and the only reason she even gets to see desmond while he’s out#is because rebecca is Bad at rules and maybe everything lucy ever said to her was a lie but. she deserves to see desmond. if she cared about#him at all for real. and when desmond recovers he doesn’t cut her off too. i think that’s everything. to both of them.#deslucy endgame platonic or romantic to me is them realizing this whole game is being played at their expense and over their heads and they#need to rely on each other. or else they’re not making it out alive. especially if they’re turned on each other again.#i should have an ac tag
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I agree with you about Capcom bringing Nash back for SF6! I even made a post in my Threads account about him if Bison comes back, then there is a chance he might return! Please Capcom! Bring my boy back in the series! You been neglecting him for far too long!
I could go on about how I think they could bring Nash back in SF6 for AGES. The sheer fact that F.A.N.G. lived and is in SF6 (Fang Fei/Foo, A.K.I.'s master) makes me think that Nash probably survived his bout with Bison in some degree and could come back but there's so many ways they can go about it they could make it really insane if they wanted to.
They could have the Secret Society/Illuminati revive him again to use as an agent to gain ground against Shadaloo and potentially leverage Gill/the Society into higher threat standing (villain).
They could tie Darkstalkers semi-into Street Fighter and say that the Nash we would see is him after escaping the Makai and give him some more wacky magic-like powers (and give Darkstalkers fans like myself some more crumbs to survive on for a while lol).
They could lean into the Nash/Shadow setup from Marvel vs. Capcom and say that Shadaloo had/has him and the Nash we get to see is totally brainwashed into servitude by Bison or has escaped his brainwashing but like Cammy has no memories of his past. Or hell, just bring 'Shadow' back and it's just Nash but under a different name with different goals in mind!
But those are just my ideas after all.
Capcom needs to give us Nash STAT. I need to see my boy again!
(Also as an aside I love your art <3 )
#I'd love to know more about your ideas on how Nash could return ladydbzelle btw! <3#the disappointment speaks#not me going off on a tangent about ideas for how capcom can put nash in a game lol.#give! me! more! of! my! boy!#we cannot just have nash appear in like 2 canonical stories (sfa3's ending for him being non canon) and in both he fucking dies like come o#like bosht is dead in canon we see him die and he dead fr after the explosion because he's crispy#its heavily implied that akuma finally killed gen in sf5 too but its not explicitly stated its very clear he should be dead#nash? there was a big energy explosion and his dog tags he wasnt wearing fell to the ground#we see no corpse... unless we include 'living' nash as a corpse haha lol undead guy joke#so by technicality and the fact that nash said his body was deteriorating which I think is kind of strange given bison can revive with ease#like bison's revivals are stunted by his psycho power if I recall correctly. nash has the opposite of that in sf5#if anything by that logic nash should be immortal but instead he's dying rapidly? seems odd#my thought from other game logic is nash is either not nash but rather some 'Eleven' type entity disguised as nash and has no idea#or like a poorly made clone using old dna from nash's body that was deteriorating rapidly due to that fact.#or maybe it was nash but he didn't die completely in the explosion of energy but rather was severely injured and on death's door again#either way our boy aint dead until capcom shows me his corpse#also I want to see how guile would react to see his dead buddy again after he dies for the second time. lets make it a third. come on.#it could be so funny capcom you have no idea.#I went off in the tags lmao I should stop yakking and get to doing other things lmao#I may just be caught up on F.A.N.G. somehow surviving getting his ass beat TWICE in quick succession and falling AND the collapse of Shadal
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tbh not to avoid responsibility for posting bad takes on main but my original post doesn’t really convey the sentiment i wanted it to—what i really wanted to talk about was the fact that jayce talis is just insanely earnest ALL the time because i was annoyed with people saying he’s this golden retriever himbo. he’s a way more interesting character than that!
oh that’s completely fair, as a Certified Fanon HaterTM I despise how his characterization has been reduced to stupid dog coded man. he IS so much more interesting than that and it honestly feels a bit insulting to his character. he isn’t dumb, he isn’t lacking in balls, he’s just a scientist who was forced to become a politician and is so far out of his comfort zone he's flailing around trying to get his bearing. he is The Struggler of arcane.
(again continued utc but it's not nearly as long this time lmao)
the main one i was trying to talk about but didn’t really bc i got caught up in yapping is that talis doesn’t seem to have the concrete foundation of beliefs that giopara does. yes he does what he thinks is right and he really cares about those around him, but he’s VERY easy to manipulate
honestly I wouldn't say that talis doesn't have a solid belief foundation, it's just that as I previously mentioned he does not have the luxury of ignorance due to the role he was put in. jayce (plural) has a very black and white view of the world, and he is firm and assertive in his convictions and his beliefs when he can separate things into a binary of good and bad.
as a councilor talis is at his most confident in act two because things are still pretty cut and dry in his mind. for example, upon discovering the corruption present among the upper echelon of piltover via smuggling through the hexgates, he takes immediate action to address it because corruption and smuggling are bad. any attempts by marcus to dismiss him or sway his actions are immediately shut down, and he doesn't even tolerate marcus referring to him as mr. talis over councilor talis.
another example would be when heimerdinger wanted to have the hexcore destroyed, as jayce did not see what heimerdinger saw, all he saw was a device that could possibly save his dying best friends life and that his mentor was trying to stop that from happening. letting viktor die when they have the technology to possibly prevent that was bad, so bye bye heimerdinger—but he felt incredibly guilty for betraying his mentor afterwards even though he believed it was the right thing to do.
every single time we see talis be swayed by the opinions of others or waiver in his decisions is when there is no clear right or wrong answer for him to choose. all he wants to do is what’s best to keep people safe, but he’s getting conflicting opinions from everyone around him, and the guy just….doesn’t know what to do, which makes it very easy for people to get into his head and take advantage of his uncertainty.
do i think talis would have had the same reaction in the same circumstance? yes. but do i think he would have stood his ground against Viktor? eh….
would talis be able to stand up to viktor like giopara? we did sort of see him doing so on the bridge with the blockade, though he does come off more like he’s scolding him than anything else, and he did back off in the end, but I attribute that more to him not wanting to make a scene in public and viktor not having actually done anything wrong rather than him being incapable of telling the other off. if he truly believed viktor was doing something wrong, I definitely think he’d do whatever he needed to do to stop him—though it would weigh heavily on his heart as it did with heimerdinger.
thanks for the essay haha although i did briefly want to die while reading it 🙏💀
omg no 💀 I hope I didn’t come off as mean or something because I swear I didn’t mean to!!
here comes a long post i’m fucking sorry lmao
a really interesting point was raised the other day about who the better person is (morally): jayce talis or jayce giopara? [insert obligatory admission about the fact that giopara has an annoying personality].
Like, talis is of course nice and kind and wonderful, perhaps a bit naive, but i don’t think we talk about how far he’s willing to go for what he believes. he weaponizes hextech because mel asks him to, and he doesn’t think further. he blatantly ignores viktor’s wishes about destroying the hexcore, even using it on his corpse to reanimate him. he ignores the council and does what he wants, enacting vigilante justice at the cost of innocent lives (including an actual child). he set up the fucking hexgates in such a way that they pollute the water supply of the undercity. and then, when he’s back from his sabbatical in hell, he goes to viktor. he looks him in the eyes, with the weapon he never wanted him to make, and he shoots him. what the actual fuck this guy is unhinged. he doesn’t THINK. he has no sense of consequences—of course if you keep unsecured, highly unstable and explosive materials in your residential apartment, things might blow up in your face (literally!). of course your patron won’t support you—she is beholden to social opinion. of course weapons can never be unmade and are always used. of course using the scary magical dodecahedron your partner begged you to destroy to bring said partner back from the dead will bring him back Different ™️. come on Jayce.
and then giopara. he has no true family, instead is left to the bloodthirsty clans who want him for what he can give them. he’s antisocial. he’s fucking annoying. he’s a diva 💜. he’s impossible to work with but impossible to get rid of because he’s just that smart. he hates politics and only gets into them to appease his investors so he can do what he actually wants. he doesn’t give a fuck about the common people who look up to him so much. he’s alone, alone, alone. and then he’s not. he meets this other brilliant mind, the only one who can keep up with him. i mean how insane would that be? he must have been at least a little obsessed with viktor because of that. then picture jayce, in all his egotistical glory, drunk on life and the belief that he and viktor are the brightest minds alive, when viktor shows him the diver suits. why does he resist? why does he care? no one in his life is telling him to care. he just does. he sees the devices for what they are, or at least what they could be twisted to be, and calls viktor out on it. he doesn’t speak up for viktor when the stanwick thing happens, it’s true, but doubtless he simply expected viktor to wow and amaze with a different project and be happy with the credit from that. and then viktor leaves. and jayce is a one man act again. like always. like forever and always. jayce acts wrongly, it’s true, when it comes to viktor and destroying his lab and accidentally killing those people, but he saw what he thought was evil and he went for it. no thought of what he could lose. no thought of who he could lose.
idk man there’s something about these two. by no means do i think talis is a bad person, in fact i think he’s a fundamentally good one. but he’s just so fucking naive, and towards the end he’s willing to do ANYTHING for what he believes, no matter the grisly consequences. he’s fucking scary. he’s unhinged. giopara on the other hand has a terrible personality, but is completely unwavering in his beliefs no matter the cost to himself or his relationships. viktor asked him to work together again, and he said “get a psyche eval” and slammed the door.
#how many times can I type heimerdinger in a single post challenge#also if u saw me rb this the first time no u didn't. I was still writing and accidentally posted it when I meant to save it as a draft lmao#eli tvckerwash takes an L live on tumblr dot com#text#not t/oaru#not r/vb#arcane#still not making a lol tag < is my lol tag#q
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not to be bitter about the Durins again but it will never stop pissing me off to a burning degree that in the movies Kíli dies off in a little corner with no one but one elf he met two days ago around, and she’s nerfed to the point she’s utterly helpless until RIGHT AFTER he’s killed. It feels so bullshit and unfulfilling. I remember me and a friend were huge fans of the Durins (her even more than me) as well as the little Kíli and Tauriel side story back when the movies came out, and we watched it in theatres and she literally said she would never watch that scene again bc it disappointed her so badly. She skips it to this day. Bc why the fuck did they have Kíli die for an elf he barely knew (I like Tauriel but it is true— they’ve known each other for maybe two or three days total) over the family he ran out into battle to defend, the family he set out on the quest with and the family that he was so proud of. Why was he not with his brother, or trying to defend his uncle who was still very much alive and in danger? Tauriel literally just serves to get Kíli killed in that scene, bc they nerf her (CAPTAIN OF THE GUARD. Even against a tough orc she should be holding her own) but have Legolas out there holding his own, and it is nowhere NEAR as emotionally devestating as the single sentence we’re given in the book of how Kíli and Fíli went down defending their uncle. I can almost excuse the change in how Fíli dies bc it does hold emotional weight, but Kíli’s death going from the devotion of family even to his own doom into dying for an elf he has puppy love for while being totally cut off from the other dwarves fucking killed the scene for me. And there isn’t really even a good payoff for Tauriel afterward either. We just leave her there regretting she ever loved him. It hurts me so damn much, and not least of which is because for every video someone does as a tribute to Thorin and his nephews, it always takes a sharp left turn into Tauriel watching Kíli die all by himself and it doesn’t even feel related to the other’s deaths. I think it would have felt much more like the best of both if they’d kept Kíli dying defending his family, and then have Tauriel come to him as he’s dying. But that’s not what happened. It fucking sucks. I promise I do like the movies but I will stand hard by saying that it’s weakest writing is the latter half of the second and the former half of the third movie. It only really picks up to consistently good scenes at Thorin’s battle with Azog in my opinion. Sorry for another brief hater moment but man. Man.
#lotr#the hobbit#sons of durin#thorin oakenshield#kili#fili#kili and fili#(their last name isn’t Durin but I’m tempted to tag it as such since I see a lot of people use that.#though to be fair what other character is named Kíli or Fíli out there lmao)#I fucking LIKE TAURIEL. but she is not more important than his family. like she is a crush he has but UR BROTHER JUST DIED MAN.#UR UNCLE IS ABOUT TO. IM SORRY BUT TAURIEL SHOULD BE ABLE TO HANDLE HERSELF AGAINST A SINGLE GODDAMN ORC.#ISNT SHE A GENERAL??#PLEASE. it hurts so bad. and they have the GALL to remind us abt Dís w the stone afterward. like family was at all involved#in how Kíli died beyond what sent him up the stairs. I don’t even think his last thoughts were portrayed as his family in the movie.#it looks like all he’s thinking about is Tauriel. not the fact that his mother will never see him again. not that he failed his uncle.#not even that he didn’t get to avenge his brother.#then Thranduil comes in and it feels awful bc she doesn’t seem to get any payoff for her character.#and this is a personal nitpick but the dialogue there just. it doesn’t end satisfyingly.#the ‘because it was real’ like never felt impactful to me. it actually felt kind of cheesy?? Tauriel’s lines actually have weight to them#and then Legolas movie bombs that scene too and we just. forget about Tauriel over there VERY LIKELY dying from elven grief#’go talk to the 12 year old in the north. for some reason he’s already called Strider’#and Kíli’s body is RIGHT THERE. they’re doing nostalgia bait and MCU level ‘ohh this guy’ shit RIGHT AFTER THE DURIN’S DIE
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ok i know everyone says "love like you is soooo xyz shipcore" but i need you to know it's kuwameshicore to me. song's got yusuke written all over it arright. in case you don't have the lyrics memorized like i do here they are
#it's too mushy for him but like.. the beats are all there yknow#kuwa thinks the world of him and it helps him love himself enough to live (see the wake scene but also like. in general)#while keiko's been there all along i think it's kuwabara that really serves as a bridge into more friendships (maybe botan? debatable)#the wondering when im coming back/shaken by how long it took is pretty self explanatory. guy keeps dying on him#'i always thought i might be bad' honestly yusuke probably thinks he IS bad but kuwa contrasting him might make him feel it all over again#sometimes. not bc kuwa's doing anything wrong just like.. oh yeah im TOTALLY right about that sucking thing bc here's another example#and obviously they're very different in approaches to virtue and honor (perceived goodness)#yyh#kuwameshi#and i think yusuke deep down feels he owes kuwabara a lot. he's saved his life multiple times and kept him company#he understands a lotta things in a way keiko can't and pushes him to be better in his own way. there's a debt there#so the 'if i could begin to do something that does right by you' bit feels like a sentiment he'd have at some point#like. why'd he save eikichi if not that yanno. stuff like that#idk. again it's a bit Too mushy for him but the fact that a lotta the beats align so well...#maybe this is just the quiet tender sentiments deeeeeeep deep in yusuke's heart. idk post over#anyway if you haven't listened to this before I'd recommend it it's just a gorgeous piece to me. mwah
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Look I know it’s fun to act like Johnny’s just a hater but the truth is that he’s the only one who seems to even realize that Diego *is* lowkey evil. The way it’s framed in the Scary Monsters arc sort of makes it seem like he’s exaggerating about Diego’s behavior, but as the part goes on Diego keeps proving his worst predictions right over and over again. He cheats and backstabs people all the time. Yet for some reason ppl act like Johnny is crazy for not trusting him? like im sorry but if I saw my ex situationship eating rocks and murdering people left and right via negligence I also wouldn’t want to touch him with a thirty nine and half foot pole
#like I fear the audience has now also fallen for the brando charisma 😭#this doesn’t qualify as DieJoni really but I’m tagging it anyway#Diego brando#Johnny joestar#diejo#diejoni#dinotusk#the more I did analyses of p7 the more I realized Diego is like actually a total bastard. he’s a great character and I love him but#he is a bastard nonetheless.#lowkey I think it’s bc of gyro lol. gyro’s like ‘oh Johnny you’re so silly. stop exaggerating’#meanwhile diego is eating a bear outside the window and asking Johnny if they can be bunk buddies again. so ofc johnnys like ‘wtf no’#but everybody acts like he’s nuts for that 😭#steel ball run#sbr#Diego could literally maul someone to death and Johnny would say ‘that was pretty fucked up diego’#and people would be like ‘what the hell johnny. he’s just a little guy. stop being so mean!’#guys I’m sorry sandman magenta wekapipo and hot pants are dying in the street. Diego indirectly took out half the supporting cast 😭#don’t get me wrong I really like Diego (I wouldn’t post so much about him if I didn’t) but the way Johnny is framed#as a bad guy just because he doesn’t let shit slide 🫣 I see u mr joestar u r seen#no wait it’s definitely gyro lmfao. Johnny: ‘gyro if Diego attacks us I’m gonna shoot to kill’#gyro: ‘what the hell Johnny. you’re so fucked up for that. get a grip. we’re just gonna break all his bones okay??’#LEIK?!!!
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1. 2003 and Rise.
2003 was the first time I experienced tmnt as it own thing and not just something my older sisters and cousins liked. As such 2003 Mikey holds a special place in my heart because he was the turtle I latched onto. I remember even as a kid wishing that they let him be angsty( a preluded to my angst loving side.) Him beating Raph in the BN simply by annoying him is a core memory for me.
Rise Mikey is literally every side of Mikey I’ve ever wanted to see given the spotlight . His artistic side, his adhd side, his silly side,his emphatic side, his role as the glue that holds the family together, his cook side, the side that wants to prove himself, the side that wants to befriend and accept everyone, and his hidden potential.
2. Not as much as I’d like. Just some comics.
3. 2012. I wish the fact that he has untreated adhd was handled better. I had untreated mental illnesses until I was an adult and that shit messes with you as a kid. We see it’s a huge deal and even given blatant examples how it affects him. What’s the point of putting in all those hints AND having April’s dad be a whole psychologist but never actually addressing it? Plus I wish he wasn’t so disregarded by his brothers at times. Like I’m the youngest, I have older siblings, I know how it is but like listen to him at least sometimes guys.
4. I like to think he gets headaches and migraines. No special reason. I get them so he must too.
5. He’s more than the fun, happy turtle. I think one of the reasons I clicked with him is because i know there’s so much more beneath the surface. No offense to the other turtles( who I also love) but they’re kinda easy to figure out. Mikey has layers upon layers that lie beneath that happy smile. So it hurts when people typecast him as ‘the fun one’ or ‘the unserious one’ or even worse ‘the dumb one’.
6. Best Laid Plans(To rest). 12!Mikey commits suicide but his brothers come back in time to save him. Absolutely heartwrenching. I have read it 5 times and I cry every time. It does such a good job of addressing a lot of issues I had with how Miney is treated. AND it does this without once demonizing his brothers. A+ read.
I get knocked down (but I get up again) Mikey keeps dying. This…..affects him a bit. Another amazing showcase of Mikey’s mind.
7. I’m an absolute sucker for any and all Leo and Mikey interactions. I love how Mikey looks up to Leo and in turn how Leo looks out for Mikey and is usually the one who tries to adapt to Mikey’s pace. 2012 is my favorite showcase of their bond.
8. 12!Mikey and Leatherhead AND Rise! Mikey and Draxum. Both instances show that kind, caring,empathetic side of Mikey who tries to understand and help those who others have deemed as not worth the effort.
9. Having one and drawing one are two very different things.
10. Savage Mikey. I like to think it was his way of coping with being alone in Dimension X. And Dr. Delicate Touch because he feels nothing.
11. It may have clashed with his headband but he still rocked it.
12. Mikey is a K-pop Stan and I’m tired of pretending that he’s not. He knows all the dances to Everything.
13. The effects that masking has on him. When it comes to family dynamics Mikey is literally ‘The Mascot’. He knows his place as the tension breaker and goes out of his way to keep that persona up. But keeping up that mask and always acting as the jokester has to weigh heavily on his psyche and we don’t talk about that enough.
mikey ask game!!
1. which mikey is your favorite version?
2. do you have any mikey merch?
3. is there an iteration you think could have handled him better? what would you have changed?
4. what headcanons do you have?
5. something the fandom gets wrong about him that only you truly get /lh
6. do you have any mikey-centric fic recommendations? (including any your wrote!)
7. what’s your favorite dynamic of him and his brothers? what makes it your favorite?
8. what’s your favorite dynamic of him and any other character? what makes it your favorite?
9. do you have your own design/version of mikey? show ‘em off!
10. favorite alter ego of mikey’s? (turtle titan, turflytle, dr delicate touch, etc)
11. favorite outfits of his?
12. what kind of music do you think mikey would listen to?
13. what’s something about mikey that nobody seems to talk about that should be talked about more?
#teenage mutant ninja turtles#tmnt michelangelo#tmnt mikey#Mikey ask game#sorry if I got carried away#I like Mikey a normal amount#I swear
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Stares off into the distance. Garp believes in Luffy so much. Believe isn't even the right word, he knows. He knew Roger. He knows if there's anyone who's going to do it, it's Luffy. He knew it early on and it terrified him. Just as he knew Roger's sotry, he knows how this story ends. He's terrified. He loves his grandson. He knows who he works for. He knows the powers in charge. But Luffy kept proving the world wrong again and again and again and even he couldn't deny anymore that if there's anyone who can make it and survive, it's Luffy. He's so damn proud, he always has been. Luffy's going to be the one and he knows it to be a fact as given as the sea.
#{ ooc } ✗ 「 wenp reporter 」#[ logs on for the first time in a while#[ immedietly sees lala's reply to the bingo#[ has a real normal one for a moment#[ RAGH. garp going im proud of him @ sengoku garp saying you haven't seen anything yet at the levely#[ garp constantly being shown of being proud and happy for luffy when he's not. around luffy. raaghhhhhhhh#[ he is so messed up#[ i will die on the hill that when shirahoshi referred to him by 'luffy's grandfather' instead of 'vice-admiral garp' 'garp the fist/hero'-#[ -etc. was one of the best days in his life. this man is a living legend and he'll go down in history as luffy's grandfather and he'd be#[ so damn happy ab it#[ gh! fucked up old man learn how to show how much you love your family to your family instead of your coworkers Now!!!#[ gh. okay normal moment is over <- sorray guys im dying a thousand deaths and havent rp'd in so long :(#[ every know in then i will think ab my fucked up old man from the trenches (gh. get me out of here) and i will be so os normal about it#[ Sighs. once again apologizes for absences and hopes everyone taking care
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sighs.
#horrible day for loving the blorbo#i still adore him and already decided season 4 isn't canon#but i can't stop thinking about it#and anytime i do i end up tearing up#worst time to mention it: my heart hurts so bad like a lot. which is weird because i never gotten a PHYSICAL REACTION LIKE THIS BEFORE#i think i'm dying guys#is this what heartbreak feels like i have no idea#it's okay. he loves me. he will never do that to me.#i need to walk around in a circle and scream into my hands or something#i get to rewatch it (unfortunately) with my mom today. i'm not ready.#at least i get to see ep1 again and the soft moments#and the “hi! :]” again so maybe i'm happy#THAT WAS SO CUTE I'M SORRY#HE LOOKED SO CUTE AND SQUISHY I WANTED TO CRY#sobbing so loudly into my hands#he was so cute ep1 what happened to him#i keep talking about him. are you guys upset with me. he means the world to me.#i'm tearing up. i miss him so much.#the universe is so mean#punches the ground#ashley talks
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Girl like. The reason he said "this is how it should be" and faced death with a smile....is cuz he wanted to die. For 2 years he sat there thinking he was worthless and deserved to die. If he hadn’t be shot, his death would’ve been suicide, he was fully planning to die in a gutter somewhere undetected. When saying "this is how it should be" hes literally saying "don’t cry because I’m dying, my death is a good thing actually because I fucking suck and you are better off without me". I don’t think that’s badass even slightly, it’s actually really sad and really shitty. Shinjiro is so convinced that he deserves to die and hates the idea of anyone giving a shit about him because he literally can’t wrap his mind around the idea that he will be missed when he’s gone, that his death is a bad thing actually. And his last words were meant to be comforting because he fully did not intend for anyone to be there when he died, he intended to die alone, so he says them as a reminder that he’s not worth crying over
Personally, if it were me, if I was holding my dying best friend in my arms who was deeply depressed and suicidal and he said "this is how it should be" uh. I wouldn’t admire him for it??? Like am I losing my mind when I say the way this game handles Shinji is bad or is anyone else seeing this too 😰
#its like okay listen i understand the basic math of any persona game they say things and everything they say is actually#very bad when you think about it for more than 3 seconds#like what theyre intending to do with the death of this character is be like oh no your sad friend dies tragically thats so saddddd#but that doesnt mean you cant live a wonderful life full of meaning you cant let grief consume you life is beautiful awagga#and i guess shinji is a specific character whos used cuz i guess its more tragic that he never realized he was worthy of life and shit#and i guess its also like ‘dont be like this guy who let grief consume him and then died you gotta Be Different’#which i dont. love. that last part cuz if you think about shinji and what led him down this road#its like. of course hes depressed! he accidentally killed a woman with a child when he was 16!#he himself is an orphan and he just made some other kid an orphan as well and it happened cuz his persona went out of control#which very much can translate to ‘this must mean im dangerous and can hurt everyone if im not kept under control’#so of course he isolated himself and believed he was evil and became suicidal like who wouldnt feel that way#like am i supposed to be mad he left sees and took drugs cuz uh while i dont think isolation or Evil Drug is good for his mental health#i dont think him continuing to fight in sees is something he can just easily do again given how he killed someone like he shouldnt have to#be a part of this thing anymore like how would he even safely get castor to not do that??? he cant kill more people on accident!#so yeah like using shinji as an example of bad coping mechanisms is already just. a big fucking oof to me like it just feels like the game#is saying he shouldve gotten over it and simply not be suicidal and stayed on the team. idk if thats the intent but uh it wouldnt faze me#cuz persona games are notoriously awful at writing characters who are traumatized and abused#but what makes everything even worse is how the game kinda like. acts like shinjis death is a stepping stone#like we’re supposed to use it as a wake up call and understand the stakes but keep going on anyways#and akihiko and Ken get. ‘great character development’ according to the game telling you they have now developed#but damn all akihiko is is just repressed he cries for 3 seconds and then is like I SHOULD MAN UP and then neglects a depressed child#shinjis dying words are words to live by now even though they piss me the fuck off like girl am i crazy HES FUCKING#HES TELLING ME NOT TO CRY OVER HIM BECAUSE HE SHOULD BE DEAD ACTUALLY AND THIS IS A GOOD THING ACTUALLY#like if the game wants us to still find meaning in life despite losing someone it just really hurts that shinji has to die for that to work#apparently. cuz the character i see myself in is shinji. not some perfect prettyboy who does everything perfectly and has 4 gfs#his death seems like a punishment for bad behavior. the bad behavior being of course depression and drug use. and im simply supposed to be#better than that if i want to live. and we dont get to form a connection with him cuz thats gayyyyy#and his death is like a NOBLE HEROIC SACRIFICE idk its just such bullshit to me i hate it so bad#how is killing a suicidal guy and then treating it as admirable that he said ‘this is how it should be’ supposed to make me feel#makes me feel sick personally and it ruins the entire game’s theme to me because its fucking shallow and the story is bad and im tired
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dni.
#i don't know how people who do not have siblings live cause#whenever i feel the very intense and real urge to genuinely kms their faces pop up in my head#my sister laughing at my jokes after she had a bad day and saying with tears in her eyes that hey you know what i need you so much please#call me constantly when im abroad i don't know what I'd do without you#and my little brother not trusting my parents advice when he is sick because he thinks they're constantly telling him to do a hundred thing#anyway but listening to me when im giving the exact same advice asking me such innocent questions that seem so obvious#but he doesn't know because of his childlike innocence#like why are we not going to the doctor if i have fever how do our parents know how to cure it and how can i take dolo without a doctors#prescription and me laughing and explaining that it's okay it's normal it's paracetamol you don't have to worry you'll be okay in day or 2#or how he's excitedly telling me that these are the colleges i looked up are they good how do you know if they're good#he needs me so much even tho he'd never say it they've been even worse parents to him than to me he doesn't have anyone else#so then how could i be so selfish and hurt the two people who love and need me the most the two people on whom if i see tears#it feels like a stab directly to the heart?#but i can't help it. can't help fantasizing about dying#maybe myself but even better if by some terminal illness#i keep thinking me lying in a hospital bed and doctors saying there's a complicated procedure and it's very expensive and results aren't#even guaranteed so are you sure want to be treated#and me saying no please let me die my parents would protest at first they would feel it is their duty responsibility to keep me alive#but id say please i don't have anything to live for and i just CAN'T i can't do this i can't live this life it's too difficult im not#capable im already failing please just let me give up and then they'd agree#and then i would tell my father that im sorry i couldn't pay you back for all the money you spent on me my education my living expenses#but atleast now i won't ask for anymore money from you ever you'll probably get some money from the insurance policies#and i would tell my mom that sorry for being such a burden on you all these years but now you can finally be free with the 2 kids you#actually love and you never have to cook for me again or fold my clothes or feel bad that i won't attend your family functions#and i would tell my siblings that i know it's sad but please i know you guys are strong and bright and you're gonna be very happy and#successful and that's enough for me im sorry we couldn't have our dream raksha bandhan away from our parents but you can carry on without#me and ill always love you. and that would be it.#i know it's wrong to fantasize so much about dying and ive read somewhere that they may just seem like thoughts now but if left untreated#one day you're gonna have a bad day and you're gonna find the perfect opportunity and you were so sure you were never going to do it but#then you do. but i don't know how to stop
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