#I think a lot about that post that was like someone talking about how they don't know how to compliment art

[yourgamemasterthewhiterabbit]

I think the problem is there's a massive cultural tension between 2 stances.

Everything unsightly, like garbage laundry, dishes, small appliances, cord or hobbies should be hidden away as much as possible so everything looks 'clean', that this is how 'adults' live and should be everyone's goal. Closed storage, minimal drop zones, invisible garbage and storage.

That this clearly doesn't work for a very large subset of people and homes are meant for living in comfortably, not for looking good up to someone else's standards. Your home should serve you and make your life easier, and some people experience "out of sight out of mind" a little too literally and completely to do things like store their hobbies away and still actually think to do them

You see this tension played out in home advice articles and home design opinion pieces all over the internet.

And it's one of those things that's actually about the spectrum of disability or neurology that is natural to humans that no one wants to acknowledge as the problem. At least no one really married to that first viewpoint up there. For people who are able bodied and neurotypical -enough- to pass, or are nd in just the right way, they can get away with living like that and the lack of clutter makes them comfortable and they tell themselves they are the ones doing 'adulting' correctly. Some people who live like this acknowledge it isn't desirable or healthy for other people to... some don't. Some really don't. Some people see drop zones and open storage and hobbies left out where they are visible and see it as a failure to 'live like an adult'. They see it as a dying trend of clutter and describe it with words like 'messy' and 'unsightly' or imply it's deeply off trend and needs to be done away with.

And our parents generation did a lot to try to instill view 1 in a lot of us, like it's the only acceptable way to act like a responsible person, either as an extension of their own acquired neurosis, or because they didn't like seeing their kids stuff all over the place [that is to say evidence of kids and teens being kids and teens in their house]. They learned it from their parents and the passed it on just like body image issues from parents who ask their daughters why they don't have the salad.

Like yes, on tumblr I see posts so often talking about how you should make your home functional for your brain and how you work, all the time, even ones that explicitly mention issues with executive functions or with literally forgetting things exist when you don't see them regularly. Thinking of things like desire paths might be a good way for some people to rewire how they think about their home.

But everywhere else on the internet? There's at least 20 more people trying to tell you that "open shelving" was just a fad, and needs to be done away with because it looks cluttered and 'messy'. With zero acknowledgement that doesn't work for everyone for neurological reasons.

I see these posts so often on tumblr because they are trying to do damage control for a pervasive culture of shame that treats accessibility in home design like it's unsightly.

On one hand, it's great to see people learn how to unfuck their living spaces. On the other hand, that stuff like "frequently used articles should be stored near where they're used" and "trash receptacles should be placed near activities that generate trash" are being received as radical ideas points to a serious knowledge transmission problem.

[inkdrinkerworld]

In response to your post,

Thinking about poly!marauders and how they’d know you’re having a bad day before you can even say it because they know you better than you probably know yourself.

Unless you’re the type of person that likes to talk about it, they won’t even say anything, just pamper you.

James would 100% make a last minute grocery trip so he could cook your favorite meal.

Sirius would cuddle you all night long and always be touching you in some way to provide comfort.

And Remus would draw a relaxing bath that’s equivalent to being at a spa.

I’m thinking lots of tender kisses to the forehead, soft voices, and the sweetest declarations of love and care.

If you decide to talk about it they will be the most attentive listeners. Sirius would 100% be engaged, responding with gasps, coos, groans, and angry declarations of beating someone up if they’ve hurt you. Remus would be quiet until you’re done talking and then drop the most earth shattering wisdom or the most comforting words ever. And James would be providing all sorts of physical support- rubbing your back, holding your hand, pushing hair away from your face, pulling you onto his lap, etc.

By the end of the day you’d totally forget about the bad day you’ve had.

Manifesting this for you love, and I hope you feel better soon<3

James has you in his lap with your stuffed bear loosely in your hold as you cry into his thigh.

“Hey, ease up a bit in the tears poppet. You’re gonna make yourself sick.”

Sirius strokes your hair as Remus brings in a bowl of your favourite for dinner.

“It’s all over now, hm? You’re home and we’ve made your favourite for tea and Remmy will give you one of his amazing massages before bed.”

Remus nods when you look up with teary but hopeful eyes.

“Course I will, but you’ve got to eat something first.”

You nod, your bear clutched tight in your hold as you sit up. “Thank you guys,”

Sirius tuts, kissing your sticky cheeks just before Remus passes you the bowl of warm dinner.

“It’s nothing, baby,” he levels you with a look when you go to argue. “What do you say we look at ‘Christopher Robin,’ hm?”

You perk a little, “Really?”

James chuckles, arms a little tighter around you as Remus and Sirius shuffle about on the sofa to sit beside you both. “Yes really, angel.”

By the time you’re a third of the way through the movie, Remus is already giving your legs a massage and you’re basically asleep on James’ lap.

It doesn’t stop his hand from coasting up and down your back or his lips from pressing into your temple.

“Reckon I could make her breakfast in the morning, something special.” He murmurs to Remus, Sirius is already falling asleep on James’ other thigh with his fingers tangled in your hair.

“That’d be sweet Jamie, what’re you thinking?”

James looks down at you, upset by your bad day but pleased he and your other boyfriends have helped.

“Maybe crepes, haven’t made them in a bit. Could start the batter tonight and everything.”

Remus presses a kiss to his lips with a fond smile. “You’re sweet, she’ll love that.”

James is all flushed but knows that Remus is right- you will love it. “Dunno how I’ll slip out from under them but the second I’ve figured that part out I’ll get it started.”

Remus chuckles softly, softening when you stir a little. “Sleep sleep, love.”

[wooataes]

Real Eyes, Fake Lies (Part 11)

Pairing: soulmate!Lee Jihoon x Fem!Reader

Word Count: 2.8k

Warnings: Hanahaki!AU, angst, all hurt no comfort, swearing, tears, the usual 🙂‍↕️

Summary: What do you do when you find out the one person that was created by the universe to be yours doesn’t want you back?

A/N: It has been WAY too long since I've updated this story and I apologise for that 🙂‍↕️ I finally feel like I've gotten my life back on track to finally be able to post a long awaited update!! Thank you to everyone who still reads and enjoys my fics, it means a lot ! 🥹 - Tae 💜🌸✨

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“Do you know what’s wrong with him?”

“His girlfriend left him, genius. What do you think is wrong with him?”

Jihoon rolls his eyes. His housemates have as much subtlety as an earthquake. Their naturally loud voices seep through the closed door of his bedroom as he stares at his ceiling, a sigh leaving his lungs in the darkness as the outside voices drone on.

“Hyung,” Mingyu sighs. “It’s been over a week now… Should we call someone?”

“Who would we call?” Junhui retorts. “His soulmate? Because up until last week, I thought his soulmate was Ji-ah.”

The mention of her name creates another pit in Jihoon’s stomach. He hates it. He wishes he could just get over the stupid emotions that run through his veins at the mere thought of his not-soulmate, now also not-girlfriend.

“His parents are hours away and he has no siblings that we can contact.” Junhui continues, frustration laced in his voice. “I don’t know who we could call.”

“Doesn’t hyung have a cousin who-”

“I can hear everything you guys are saying. You know that, right?” 

Jihoon’s hard voice carries through the door, his housemates falling silent on the other end.

“Jihoon-ah.” A deep voice mutters, causing him to tense up. He knows that Wonwoo knows how to get through to him. “Can we talk?”

After a long pause, Jihoon’s bedroom door slightly creaks open. “Wonwoo, I told you yesterday,” he stares at the ground, refusing to make eye contact with the older man. “I am fine-”

“You are not, Jihoon-ah. And we both know it.” 

“How do you know?” He snips.

“You haven’t left your bedroom since Ji-ah left you last week.” Jihoon sucks his teeth at her name.

“I never left my bedroom before she left me.” He hisses back.

“Yes, you did.” Wonwoo retorts back. 

“When? To go on dates with her?” he barks. “To take her out? To go visit her family? Well, guess what? She is gone, Wonwoo, so I have a whole lot more free time and I choose to spend that time at home.” his voice cracks slightly, bottom lip shaking as he moves to close the door once more, his frown deepening as Mingyu grabs a hold of the door before it closes.

“Hyung, we’re sorry.” Mingyu’s voice is softer now as he looks at him with sad eyes. “We’re so fucking sorry that you’re going through this but we are here for you and want to be there for you.”

“I don’t need-”

“Please don’t push us away.” Wonwoo frowns, his hand resting over Jihoons. “Jihoon-ah…”

Jihoon shakes his head quietly, a small hiccup leaving his lips. “Wonwoo, I promise, I’m fine.” He gently lets his hand fall from Wonwoo’s as he moves to shut the door to his bedroom once more, wiping the stray tears that threaten to spill from his eyes.

“I truly don’t know what to do, guys.” Jihoon winces at the defeated tone of his older housemate’s voice as he climbs back into the comfort of his bed once more, hoping to forget about the world around him for a little bit longer.

Jihoon heaves a loud sigh as he steps into his first Film Studies class in nearly two weeks, slumping down in his chair, rubbing at his temples slightly as Professor Park begins his usual droning on. He really should be listening to the lecture at hand, but he can’t bring himself to. Not when he can feel the eyes of multiple people in the class lingering on him. He’s sure that word has gotten around now about his very public dumping and the fact that Ji-ah was obviously never his soulmate. He hates that he can feel the sympathy radiating off of his peers, and even off of you, his real soulmate, sitting directly beside him with your stupid perfect hair and stupidly neat notes that you wordlessly offered him to help catch him up on the classes he missed. He accepts them graciously, spending most of the lesson copying your notes into his notebook.

“Professor,” a deep voice from the back of the room calls out near the end of the lesson, drawing Jihoon from his thoughts. 

“Yes, Jaebeom?” 

Your soulmate glances at you at the sight of your body tensing up at the mention of the newcomer’s name. He tilts his head slightly as he feels nerves begin to bubble in the pit of his stomach from you, causing him to raise a brow. You take a slow breath before scribbling idly on your page again, indifference on your face, but Jihoon knows it’s a front. 

Why are you so tense?

“About the extension on our group project?” Jaebeom’s voice lulls out in a drawl, a clear cockiness hidden in his tone. 

“Ah yes,” Professor Park hums, nodding his head. “I know some of you have gone ahead and already submitted your essays and presentations to me, and I’m thankful for you guys for getting these to me on time and even earlier. For the remainder of you all who have yet to submit your projects, I’ve extended the deadline by two weeks, due to an unavoidable event I must attend.”

Jihoon hears his classmate’s sighs of relief, and in turn, he breathes out as well. He knew he had neglected his end of his project with you for the last week, and he feels grateful that he can make up for it.

“I do hope the rest of you,” Professor Park sends a look to the back of the room, “get this done in due time. Class dismissed.”

Jihoon wordlessly offers your notebook back to you, a frown forming on his face when he sees you duck your head, letting your hair fall over your face. He glances to see a taller man wearing low jeans and a beat up baseball cap on his head march- no, strut down the stairs to reach the door, sauntering out with what Jihoon can only describe as a sleazy grin on his face. Once he steps out of the room, you immediately collect your things, bow your head to Jihoon with a little smile, and jump up to leave the classroom.

“Professor,” your soulmate approaches the teacher. “I appreciate you extending the deadline-”

“Oh, Jihoon-ssi!” Professor Park smiled. “Are you feeling better? Miss Choi told me that you were unwell when she submitted your project to me last week.”

“Oh.. Yeah, I’m feeling alri- Wait. Submitted?” Jihoon blinked.

“Yes,” he smiled. “Both of your arguments had wonderful points to pit against each other. Well done! I will be posting your grades in a few weeks!”

You finished off the project for him? Why are you so… nice?

“Uh… Thank you, Professor.” Jihoon bows his head in thanks before slowly stepping out of the classroom, starting to walk in the direction of home, the sound of thunder rumbling in the distance.

Jihoon takes a deep sigh as he finds himself sitting down at the park bench that is so familiar to him now, letting the raindrops land on his clothes and face as he tilts his head back.

“Jihoon-ssi?” your voice is quiet over the sound of the loud rain, but Jihoon could hear you. He always does. He blinks as he feels the heavy raindrops that land on his hoodie abruptly stop, looking up to see a pastel umbrella being held over his now drenched body. “What are you doing out here?”

Jihoon shrugs quietly for a moment. “I… don’t know.” He glances down at the wet sleeves of his hoodie. “Just.. Thinking.”

“Well, I think you should think away from a torrential downpour next time,” you quip with a little smile, hoping the joke makes him crack a smile.

“Nah,” he hums. “It’s comforting, the rain..” 

“Comforting?” You echo, tilting your head innocently as he hums a confirmation.

“Mm. Rain doesn’t have colour.” He glances at you for a moment, slightly amused by the cluelessness on your face as you just blink at him. “Ah, it’s silly, really,” he continues. “The sky doesn’t have colour when it rains, it reminds me of what the world looked like before everything changed. Everything is so different now.”

“You’re right.” You agree quietly. “Everything is different.”

“Thank you,” Jihoon mumbles after a brief silence. “For helping finish off the project while I was… y’know.”

“Oh, that?” You shrug. “That was nothing. You had all the arguments, I just articulated them for you. Figured that you already had enough on your plate so I thought you wouldn’t mind if I submitted a little early to get it out of the way for the both of us.”

“How do you do it?”

“Huh? Do what?”

“... Live.” Jihoon’s voice is barely above a whisper as you settle down on the park bench beside Jihoon, still holding the umbrella over his head. “How do you just live life so damn happily while you feel like absolute shit all the time? And don’t deny that you don’t, I have felt every single emotion you have felt for weeks now.”

You pause for a moment, looking up at the sky before humming. “I suppose I just got used to it.” You shrug. “It kind of just became like a background noise for me. It’s just always there.” 

“Even when the pain is doubled now? Because of me?”

You shrug once more. “It’s not something I haven’t dealt with before. I can feel the pain for both of us, Jihoon-ssi. It’s okay.” You give him a little smile. “I have had a lot more practice at loss than you have.”

Jihoon feels the irritation bubbling up inside him slowly.

“What is that supposed to mean?”

You blink in confusion as you glance at him. “Huh?”

“I have experienced loss too, you know.”

“I know that, I just-”

“I am more than capable of feeling these emotions too.” He frowns.

“I know,” you emphasize, “I just wanted you to know you don’t have to face them on your own.”

Jihoon scoffs quietly. Who does she think she is, giving him advice on how to deal with his emotions? “I know that too. You don’t need to point out the obvious, Choi.”

“Do you know that?” You retort, raising an eyebrow. “Because from what Mingyu told me, you’ve barely left your room until this week.”

“Ugh,” Jihoon groans, leaning his head back. “Am I not allowed to have time to myself?”

“Of course you are,” you sigh. “But you’re also-”

“You know, you should think about facing your emotions on your own instead of relying on everyone else around you.” Jihoon hisses at you with a glare as you freeze with wide eyes. 

“H-huh?” He can feel your doubt seeping into his veins.

“Your brother, his soulmate, Soonyoung, Seokmin,” he rambles. “They’re always at your beck and call when they could be living their own lives with each other and not have to worry about you every five fucking minutes like you’re their child.”

“I…” You balk, Jihoon wincing at the feeling of your stomach twisting inside him. But he doesn't care, he wants you to hurt as much as he does. It’s your fault he doesn’t have Ji-ah anymore, afterall.

“Just go away!” He barks. “When will you realize that your help isn’t needed?! You’re not needed! I lost the one girl I truly fucking loved because of YOU! Why would I want you around?! Leave me alone already!”

After a long silence, Jihoon finally turns his head to look at you, staring at him for what seems like hours with the same look that you had on the day you brushed hands for the first time. That isn’t what frightens your soulmate, though. What frightens him is the fact that he can’t feel anything inside him anymore, besides his own pain.

“... sorry, I’ll leave you alone.” You mumble robotically, delicately placing the umbrella beside him before rising and walking through the heavy rain in the direction of your house, letting the rain run down your clothes.

“Fuck.” Jihoon sighs heavily and buries his face into his hands, squeezing his eyes shut as he hears your footsteps move further and further away.

He needs to apologize. He knows he does. He knows he said those words out of anger and hurt, and he knows you definitely didn’t deserve it. 

But why can’t he find it in himself to go to you and do it? You’re literally two tables away from him right now.

Jihoon, he scolds himself, it’s been days. You need to man up and tell her you’re sorry. 

Could he be worrying a little now because since he confronted you, he has felt no emotions whatsoever from you? Has he finally lost the tether from you?

“Hello you!!” A loud, cheery voice snaps him into reality. He blinks as he stares at his cup of ramen in his hand, fidgeting on the hard steel of the cafeteria chair underneath him, trying to figure out where the loud voice had come from.

Seungkwan makes his way over to where you’re sitting, draping himself over your back. Before he can ask how you are, you jolt up quickly, scooting away from him like you’ve been burned.

“Hey.” You give him a little smile, pressing yourself up against the wall. “Where’s Hansol? You should be with Hansol.”

Seungkwan’s face contorts slightly as he sticks his lips out in almost a pout. “He had to run to make his next class… Bug, what’s wrong-”

“I actually have to run too, Kwan.” You stammer out quickly, grabbing your backpack and stepping out from behind the table. “Talk later?”

“But, you haven’t even touched your lunch…” his voice fades out as he watches you rush quickly out of the cafeteria, surprise etched on his face.

Jihoon watches on, just as surprised as Seungkwan as he reaches the table with him, Soonyoung and Seokmin.

“Okay, what the hell was that? What happened to Bug?” Seungkwan immediately questions Soonyoung, who upon further inspection, looks just as out of it as you are.

“We don’t know,” Seokmin speaks for his soulmate. “Every time she’s at home, she stays locked up in her room and only leaves to cook dinner for us and clean up. She didn’t even come down for movie night the other night.”

Your soulmate’s eyes widened slightly as Soonyoung took a deep breath. “Something has happened and she won’t tell us what. She doesn’t even speak when she’s at home anymore.”

“We’ve tried to talk to her, get her to come out of her room, do anything, but she doesn’t budge. I’m getting worried.” Seokmin bites his lip.

“I don’t know what the hell has happened to our Bug. She is literally just doing fucking chores and whenver one of us tries to hang out..” your best friend rubs at his temples. “She keeps insisting we hang out with our soulmates. With each other. I don’t know why the fuck that doesn’t mean she can’t hang out with us too.”

Jihoon feels sick as your housemate’s words sink in to him.

When will you realize your help isn’t needed? You’re not needed!

Fuck.

“Jesus Christ, Jihoon-ah.” Wonwoo breathes out when Jihoon finally steps through the door. “You were supposed to be back four hours ago. What the hell were you- Jihoon-ah?” 

His eyes widened at the sight of his housemate stepping under the lights of the hallway, lip trembling and hair sticking in six different directions. Jihoon truly didn’t mean to take so long making it home. He supposes he lost track of time wandering campus with his racing mind.

He knew his words had gotten to you. At the moment it felt good, for you to feel the pain he did. But now? Seeing his friends, your family agonizing over how detached you are? 

What has he done?

“Jihoon…” Junhui looks on worriedly, reaching forward to slip the backpack off his housemate’s shoulders.

“I… I knew what I was getting into when I chose to date her, Wonwoo.” His voice quivers as he stares at the ground. “I knew that she already had a soulmate, but… I-I didn’t think…” 

“Of course you didn’t.” Wonwoo agrees.

“She told me that he had moved countries years ago… There was no chance he’d come back…” a small tear slides down his cheek as his housemate hums in acknowledgement. “And when I… when I found my soulmate and I-” Jihoon chokes back a sob. “And I rejected them to keep a hold of Ji-ah…” His soft cries echo into the quiet hallway. “I… I felt their heart break inside of me, I’ve felt their pain for weeks a-and now I feel their pain on top of my own and… fuck, I broke her, man.”

“Oh, Jihoon…” Junhui sighs sympathetically as Wonwoo pulls Jihoon towards him, bringing his head into his shoulder as his arms wrap around his back in a warm embrace. 

Jihoon pauses for a moment. He blinks once, twice, and a third time before he lets out a soft sob, his hands gripping onto Wonwoo’s shoulders desperately as he buries his face into the soft fabric of his shirt.

“Hyung,” he chokes out. “I r-really fucked up.”

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[nortism]

I wanted to talk about @pilferingapples ‘s autistic Fantine headcanon that has been brought up in the Les Mis Letters server because it has rewired my brain and the more I think about it the more I can see my own experiences as an autistic woman reflected in Fantine’s story.

Fantine is introduced as being an outsider amongst the other grisettes. I think Hugo’s intention here was to paint her as innocent and virtuous in comparison to them but the way it reads to me is that she is someone who just can’t quite connect with her peers. She is described as being dreamy and “always having a queer look about her” in the words of Favourite.

The way Fantine is treated by the other girls rings very true to me as an autistic woman in my experience with friendship. She does consider the other grisettes her friends yet they speak cruelly about her behind her back (Favourite saying she puts on airs) and to her face (Dahlia mocking her for crying over a dead horse). Yet she offers no resistance, in fact she barely seems to acknowledge these things as offensive, because that’s just what being friends is.

The friendship between the four grisettes is shown to be truly shallow when after Tholomyes’ “prank”, they all go their separate ways, with Hugo saying it was like they’d never been friends in the first place. Realistically, one of the few examples of female friendship in the brick being portrayed as shallow and catty is most likely down to some lingering misogyny on Hugo’s part but it is something I find relatable as someone who has allowed myself to be treated poorly by others because I thought that’s how friendship was supposed to be. I’m sure a lot of other autistic people can relate to this as well.

Additionally, I think it’s interesting how the other grisettes criticisms of Fantine come down to her not acting in the expected way and fitting in with group. Favourite accuses her of putting on airs because she won’t swing like the other girls (therefore let the men look up her skirt). Dahlia laughs at her for getting emotional over the dead horse because her emotions are tainting the happy outing they’re all having. Fantine being empathetic towards animals isn’t an inherently autistic trait by itself but her inability to suppress her emotions or just go along with what everyone else is doing is something I think a lot of neurodivergent people can relate to.

Her relationship with Tholomyes is probably the biggest example of Fantine not understanding unspoken social rules. I’m no history expert and people have definitely written more in depth posts on the relationships between upper class men and working class women in France in this period but from what I’ve gathered it was understood that these relationships were purely transactional. The men got sex and attention and the women got gifts and nice days out to places they couldn’t afford by themselves. There’s more nuance than that I’m sure but that’s the gist.

We know the other three grisettes are aware of this aspect of the relationship. They are eager to receive a “surprise”, an expensive gift they could later sell on. Favourite flatters her lover to his face and says all the things he expects of her but confesses to the other girls that she doesn’t like him because he isn’t playing his role of spending money on her.

Fantine is seemingly oblivious to all of this. Maybe it’s her ostracisation from the other girls that is keeping her ignorant or maybe she knows how it is for them but genuinely believes she and Tholomyes are different. Either way it’s clear to me that her and Tholomyes have very different ideas about their relationship and that subtext has not been picked up by Fantine. For the record, this is completely on Tholomyes, even if he’s supposed to be playing the expected role, leaving his mistress without any financial aid for their child together is bad even by the standards of the time. However Fantine is definitely naïve.

Also if you read Fantine as autistic, her reasons for being in love with Tholomyes make a lot more sense. From Hugo’s description, it doesn’t seem like Tholomyes has many redeeming features: he’s balding and missing teeth, he’s a student in his thirties and he is in poor health. Yet he pays attention to Fantine, he flatters her and spends money to keep her in a nice apartment.

If we assume that Fantine is autistic and has spent her life being an outsider, this onslaught of affection would lead her to let her guard down and believe that this is what love should look like. Even without the autism, Fantine was an orphan, she didn’t have any examples of what a marriage was supposed to look like growing up so how could she possibly resist a man who seems to be doing and saying all the right things?

I think my conclusion is it doesn’t really matter if you want to read Fantine as being autistic or not. I think all the factors I’ve outlined in this post can be explained by her upbringing and her still being very young during her relationship with Tholomyes rather than having to be neurodivergence. However, I think looking at Fantine through an autistic lense has given me a new appreciation for the character and being an outsider in society, a big theme in Les Mis, is generally a relatable sentiment for neurodivergent people and I think it’s interesting to explore that in the context of Fantine.

[dalishious]

Hi, hope you're doing well!

I had to unfollow you/block a lpt of tags for a while until I beat datv but I'm so happy to be back. You're one of the first da blogs I followed, and I see you've gotten a lot of argumentative people at the moment, but I just want to say I think that you're great, and I appreciate the candid way you answer people.

Just a quick question, you said Taash's rivaini route had a lot of bullshit? I've just beaten the game for the first time and that was the route I chose so I was wondering if you could elaborate?

Thank you!

Disclaimer: A lot of this is written from a personal place. In no way am I trying to discredit anyone who feels differently. That even includes Trick Weekes, when it comes to the gender stuff at least. And please keep hatred of Taash out of this post; as I say in the end, I do still really enjoy Taash as a character!

The player first meets Taash when still identifying as a woman. However, Taash soon comes to realize they are not a woman; they are non-binary. While most of this answer will be quite critical of Taash’s story, there are positives I would like to acknowledge first. For example, I do think that the dialogue options surrounding the acceptance of Taash’s gender is fairly good. I like that you can be encouraging but not pushy about them exploring their identity further, when the topic first comes up. If you play as a non-binary character yourself, you are able to relate to Taash on a personal level, and provide them with a sense of kinship outside that which they seek from the Shadow Dragons, (who apparently double as both abolitionists and queer support group?) The game makes it clear that Taash’s gender is not just player-reactive; if the player chooses to avoid Taash’s personal questline, Taash still later on announces they are non-binary and use they/them pronouns now, with a game notification letting you know they went and embraced that with the help of Neve and Harding. And while some people have criticized the use of terms like non-binary as “not being fantasy enough” for their tastes, I personally think it’s perfectly fine to be overt like that, instead of dancing around the topic. I saw a post on a recommended Facebook page from some cis person who said they learned a lot about gender diversity because the game went out of the way to be so blatantly inclusive. Yes, there are a moments I can agree are kind of cringe, but lord knows there’s plenty of cringe in other regards as well with the writing, so it’s not like it’s exclusive to Taash’s gender writing. Overall, I think it’s a good exploration about someone stepping outside of a binary view of gender, except for one glaring problem: It is so very, very, white.

Trick Weekes, Taash’s writer, is non-binary themself, but they are also a settler living in the colonial project known as Canada. And that has very clearly influenced their perspective on how they think gender and culture works. With Taash’s writing for the Rivaini route, Weekes paints a picture that their gender journey must come at the sacrifice of their cultural identity, as if the two must be distinctive, separate things. What’s worse, is how binary the cultural identity aspect to Taash’s story is; ironic for a character who is supposed to be about stepping outside a box like that!

Not once, not twice, but three times, Rook is forced to choose to convince Taash if they should be Rivaini or Qunari. The first time, there is an option to say “why not both?” But that option is not present the second or third time the dialogue prompt comes up. The one that hurt me the most is when Taash is clearly having a breakdown over who they want to be vs. who they were raised to be, and the only way to try and console them is to make them pick a singular thing to identify as.

I also think it was a hugely missed opportunity, in choosing to have a bunch of Tevinter humans be Taash’s only source of learning about gender diversity. We know from codex entries that they talk to the Shadow Dragons about that topic, but apparently no one else? Why not have Taash consult a Rivaini Seer for advice, or hell, how about adding more qunari characters who aren’t just standard brutes to mash buttons against in a fight? So, in limiting the scope of this knowledge to just Tevinter humans, Taash is only getting more reinforcement that gender comes before any other cultural identity.

As a Two-Spirit person, I cannot stress enough that gender and culture do not exist in two separate vacuums. They can overlap and/or can be essentially under the same umbrella. So, when Weekes writes about Taash struggling with cultural identity and gender identity at the same time, I can understand that feeling so well. But I cannot understand the written approach Weekes takes. The message I received was “your gender is more important than your culture.” Which again, I must stress is such a white colonial idea of queerness.

I do really like Taash despite these shortcomings from Weekes, though. Just like how I really like Sera despite Kristjanson’s bullshit in Inquisition. I’m not about to hate on a character just because there are certain parts of their writing that I think should have been handled better, when there are more parts that are really fun about Taash. They are so refreshingly autistic-coded in a way that doesn’t punish them for being so, for example.

[contamination-zone]

What do you think will happen if Fresh needs a host desperately or else he will die and the only one near by is CB?

Would he take them as a host or will he just die?

maybe I wasn't clean in that last ask? [this one] but yeah, the only reason Fresh Didn't eat CB when they first met was that CB has a lot of connections to the void, as in, soaked in it. Actively food poisoning, Fresh couldn't eat him if it tried. It would only kill him faster.

Some yipping about the hows and whys of Fresh and CB's friendship + more general thoughts on how Fresh would be friends with anyone at all. which I think...? I can add to this post? feels congruent. to me.

There are a few criteria I go through if I'm seriously figuring out how to write Fresh being friends with someone. If I can't figure something out for all of these, I have to make excuses and stuff and it really just gets out of hand/starts feeling contrived.

1.) why fresh wouldn't just eat them: - explained by the aforementioned stuff earlier.

2.) what does fresh Gain from a relationship: -Cb is a Little Guy, [popular trope to have big monster and little dude, so Fresh thought it would be good to drag him along [after a bit of convincing by CB]]

3.) why didn't fresh freak out and kill them / distance himself / whatever, once he figured out he found he liked them [I talk further at the end too***]: -CB operates on cartoon logic [part void part just how his au works to me], so there would be... a lot of comedic near-misses as Fresh tried to kill him but failed. [I do have an emotional moment where stuff winds down and Fresh has the opportunity to stick a bone thought cb's back, ala. pacifrisk reference, but is unable to go through with it as well. because. its cute :-)]

so!! yep. Fresh is stuck with that little freak </3

***usually in canon I see this as... characters like pacifrisk, who were very, determined? very willful about being friends. Fresh could not push them away, no matter how hard he tried.

A normal sans like characters I don't think have the will-power to do something like that... to make friends with a murderer. Like how sans reacted to the anomaly, he didn't try to befriend you after a bit, he just tried to get you to give up. Papyrus could make friends with Fresh, believing him able to get better, I just think Sans would be too cynical the vast majority of the time. [I think... that is a bit mean to say, because he felt bad for the anomaly at one point. but in the genocide route, even when he tries to appeal to you [if you really were his friend], its all in service of making you give up. He doesn't really think you could be friends at that point, he's grasping at straws, nearly given up.]

Characters who either gain a Lot by Keeping fresh around them [how nightmare falls into this for me] or characters who care very deeply about and would keep pushing no matter how desperately Fresh tries to distance himself. [color :-)]

[note! I am very nervous about my analysis, so I will not take critique on this. I will block you. sorry!!! fragile state in my life✌️]

[suzukiblu]

WIP excerpt behind the cut; “the one where Kon meets pink kryptonite and decides to fuck Tim and his boyfriend about it”. (( chrono || non-chrono ))

“It usually involves taking care of the sub for a little while–like if they need to recover or if the Dom needs something to calm themselves down doing, for example–but there’s other ways and reasons to do it,” Tim says, stroking his hair just a little bit more carefully as Kon once again tries and fails to figure out what the fuck he’s feeling right now. “That’s just what most people think of first when it comes up. Supposed to just make it easier for everyone to come up and level out, basically.” 

Tim’s been petting him all this time, Kon realizes, biting the inside of his lip again. 

And then he realizes–Tim’s also been the only one talking to him about this. Like, the “polite intel-collecting/light interrogation” kind of talking, but definitely only Tim doing it. So, like–Tim thinks this is something to be careful about talking about, and apparently so does Bernard. 

. . . weird, Kon thinks, ducking his head just enough to hide his mouth against his folded forearms as he bites his lip outright, and doesn’t know how he feels about that either. 

He thinks maybe they’re doing that–“gentle” thing again, though, even though they’re not even actually fucking around right now. Like . . . like just being in bed together at all is reason enough to do it, or something. Like it’s just–like it matters enough to keep doing it either way. 

Kon knows exactly how he feels about that, but that’d be a lot more than just “mortifying” to admit. 

“Um . . . sorry,” he says, half-worrying about what Tim means by needing to calm himself down. The times he’s tried to Dom made him all anxious and nervy and filled his head up with even more useless circling thoughts than usual, so like . . . does that happen to Tim too? It hadn’t seemed like it was, but . . . “Should I be–doing something for you, you mean? Because I can–” 

A flash of stress flickers across Tim’s face, and Kon cuts himself off and feels a little–stupid, maybe, like he’s said something wrong or just messed up something obvious or . . . 

He bites his lip harder and a weird little–reflex, almost, has him glancing towards Bernard for . . . he’s not even sure why, just . . . Bernard would know what Tim needs right now, wouldn’t he? Like–he’d have to, right? 

Bernard’s still just standing by the nightstand and the breakfast tray, but the moment Kon looks at him he gives an easy shrug, scoops up the middle plate, and manages to neatly deposit it in Tim’s lap even as he lays down on his other side, stretched out on his own stomach and propped up on his elbows. Kon feels–something, kind of, and thinks about how that puts them both kinda . . . parallel to each other, kinda. Just . . . mirrored, a little, both lying on either side of Tim where he’s sitting against the headboard. 

That’s . . . kinda something he feels something about, yeah, but it’s another one of those “something”s he can’t seem to really pin down, because everything he thinks it’s making him feel is, like . . . not actually something that makes sense for him to be feeling. 

Kryptonite, he remembers abruptly. Right. So like . . . that. That’s probably . . . why he thinks he’s feeling . . . that kind of thing. Like–how Kara was saying, and all. 

Right? 

“Yes, you should be lying right there and letting Tim fuss over you for a while,” Bernard informs him matter-of-factly, crossing his ankles behind himself and resting his chin in one hand. “He likes doing the fussing. Though personally post-subbing is literally the only time I don’t wanna cuddle, I just wanna eat the fridge and pass the fuck out on the couch, so it’s really always been an unfortunate waste of the opportunity for me and also, like, not Tim’s favorite way to spend a scene’s afterglow either.” 

“Oh,” Kon says, mildly bemused by the idea of passing out on the couch after subbing instead of cuddling up with someone in bed. Like–wanting to pass out on the couch, at least. Like, that is just very much not how he feels after subbing, is all. But, well . . . if that’s all Tim needs from him . . . like, it’s not exactly an imposition or anything. “Seriously? Just . . . the fussing?” 

“Seriously,” Bernard confirms with a nod without bothering to lift his chin from his hand. “He literally always wants to do the fussing. Like he is definitely the ‘needs to calm down’ guy, and also the ‘subtly make sure he didn’t accidentally hurt or upset you when you were too high on endorphins to communicate it’ guy.” 

“Yeah, sounds like Tim,” Kon says, lifting his own head a little more again just to spare Tim a wry look. “‘Shit, that went way too well, lemme get all Bat-paranoia up in here and overanalyze the whole thing’.” 

“Better safe than sorry,” Tim says, looking a little wry himself, and Kon–like, yeah, he’s teasing the guy about it, because when would he not take the opportunity to give Tim shit, but he still definitely feels some shit about the fact that Tim would bother worrying about him like that. Like–the “gentle” thing again, he guesses. It’s just . . . not something he needs, and obviously Tim knows that, because a) invulnerable and b) they’re literally just fucking around for the weekend, it’s not like they’re doing anything serious or whatever, but the fact that Tim’s bothering to do it anyway is just . . . yeah. 

He just–doesn’t have to, is all. He doesn’t have to, but he still is. Still is, and still told his boyfriend to be. 

“You are a total Bat, but fuck if I'm gonna complain about scorin’ some free attention,” Kon tells him with a teasing smirk. Even if “getting attention” wasn’t half the foundation of his core personality, getting Tim’s attention would still be a goddamn treat, any time. Like–it always is, seriously. So yeah, Kon is in no way above indulging in a little extra of it. As far as doing something for Tim, it’s basically the easiest thing the guy could possibly ask for. Normally Kon’d say it was the best thing the guy could possibly ask for, even, but given the radioactive gay space rock currently influencing his tastes and his preferred flavor of his favorite pastime, any current contenders for the “best” thing Tim could possibly ask for would definitely need the other’s dick to get involved again. 

Like. To the fucking hilt levels of involved, specifically. 

Definitely to the fucking hilt. 

“Jesus, that noise is fucking adorable,” Bernard mutters under his breath, which is the only reason Kon notices himself purring again, which–oh. That wasn’t, like . . . on purpose or anything. Generally he tries to avoid any of the “don’t sound entirely human” vocal tics, though admittedly he probably does purr the most. Just, like . . . usually he decides to let himself do it, is all. 

“Vegas party favors don’t do ‘adorable’, man,” he hums around another purr, because . . . well, Bernard seems like he’s kinda into the purring, so it’s not like he’s gotta, like–stop, or whatever. And Tim’s heard him do it before and not gotten weirded-out, so . . . so it’s whatever, yeah. No big deal or anything. 

Anyway, it feels nice to, sometimes. Especially when he feels like this does it feel nice to. 

And, like, extra-especially when Tim’s still petting his hair for it. 

“I think I can literally feel the bed vibrating a little,” Bernard says, looking low-key delighted about it. “Definitely tell me how I earn this level of purring while TTK-cuddling, because that is very much my new goal for this long weekend.” 

“Mmm, s’secret lore, man,” Kon hums, letting his eyes close as he settles in a little heavier against the bed with a pleased little buzzing feeling in his gut and along his skin. “You gotta grind enough hours to level up and earn it.” 

“I will grind on you for all the hours that standard-build human stamina can handle and Konami code your ass if I gotta,” Bernard swears, and Kon laughs into his arms. Why is this dude so funny, Jesus. 

“That sounds kinda fun, what’d that involve?” he muses speculatively. 

“Some very specific and very decisive button-pressing, pretty much,” Bernard says, and Kon laughs again. “Maybe some converter cables and a rumble controller.” 

Kon sniggers. Goddammit, the bastard really is so funny, what the fuck. 

“I think the gay space rock’s done plenty of converting, but if you really wanna plug something in . . .” he hums, making a point of stretching out a bit more against the mattress, and accidentally purrs a little deeper without meaning to. 

“Desperately, yes,” Bernard says, sounding very feeling about it. So like, that’s another nice little bit of flattery. “Hey babe, how long do I have to wait to plug and play with your bestie? Like, ballpark it for us.” 

“Maybe eat breakfast first?” Tim suggests wryly. “I hear the chef makes pretty good waffles.” 

“Honestly they’re pretty mid compared to the cake that’s currently taking up a truly impressive amount of real estate in this bed,” Bernard replies frankly, making a point of reaching across Tim’s legs to grab Kon’s ass and give it a pointedly appreciative jiggle as he says “cake”, and Kon laughs helplessly into his arms. But, like–also tilts his ass up into said hand, obviously. Like, just a little. Bernard’s nice enough to give it an appreciative squeeze in response to that, so Kon figures that’s a win. “On that note, Tim, your bed is just not worthy of this long weekend, you really should upgrade. Like, no rush or anything, just maybe by Valentine’s Day. Your birthday at the latest.” 

At this rate, Kon isn’t gonna manage to stop laughing long enough to eat a single damn waffle.

[erikiara80]

And I include these tags. They sum up what I think about the hypocrisy, homophobia and putrid antisemitism I've seen in the ST fandom.

#noah schnapp#antisemitism#this fandom is fucking wild about how much they hated on him#everyone jumped at the throat of the gay and jewish kid and had fantasies about the entire cast hating him for his opinion on Palestine#WHEN most of the cast hasn't said jack shit about Palestine in the first place#i fear your virtue signalling is going way way too far when you start harassing people over it#online leftism these days is really just people wanting to be bullies but thinking it's okay if the person 'deserves' it#news flash : no one ever deserves bigotry !!!#if you spread homophobic rumors or start sounding like a Nazi because someone doesn't have the perfect criminally-online opinion you want#you are not in the right. EVER#yes even if it's that person. even if they deserve it or if they suck or you hate them#bigotry is something you put a hard line on towards ANYONE. or you're just performing to look good to people#you don't get a free pass to be a bigot because you're marginalised or defending X or whatever it is you say to make yourself look better#AND that behaviour is especially egregious when Noah is obviously trying to be as kind as he can#you can think he's misinformed or disagree with him politically or whatever the fuck you want. it's a free country I can't stop you#but the instant you start harassment campaign or being bigoted on main you are NOT a 'good' person anymore#(I don't like saying someone is or isn't a 'good' person but that's the main talking point for performative activists so I'll use it)#also. it's still antisemitic to replace jewish with zionist when you're insulting someone#zionist and jewish are different concepts#but if you start saying shit like 'I hope that disgusting zionist dies' or some shit#I won't believe there's not a part of you that is thinking 'Jew' instead#I've studied enough history for this to be a hill I will die on#leftists these days have grown way too comfortable being wildly antisemitic just because they're the 'good guys' and the far right isn't#I don't doubt the far right has also gleefully participated in the harassment#but if you start shaking hands and agreeing with nazis : maybe you should start considering that you're not the good person here#friendly reminder from a french person: a lot of people who were 'good' were still more than willing to throw jews to the wolves in the 40s#you are not immune to being bigoted#you are not part of the glorious resistance. You're harassing a twenty YO jewish gay man because it makes you feel better about yourself#<- the you used here isn't talking about the people on this post obviously#this was a rant sorry

sorry guys when ppl refer to noah schnapp as “whatever that is” or “that thing” i fear we’re crossing the antisemitism line

[miwiheroes]

Hii <3

Respectfully, can you show me your pov? In my mileven pov, Finn did confirm that Mike "lied" during the confession, which is weird to me, I never percieved it as lying (he said he knew he loved her, he didn't say he loved her since moment 1)

It just puts down a lot of byler theories, they say Mike genuinely has feelings for El, at least, in seasons 1-3, the supermarket is like a checkpoint, since he says to her that it's the first time he likes someone like that, so I don't think he liked Will at that point. I thought he did like Will until the love confession. He is a teenager who is scared of people leaving him, so it makes sense that he didn't say it because he feared losing El.

Idk, I don't see why would they break up hehe

Hi, I'm just a bit confused by ur wording in the first paragraph because you say that "he said he knew he loved her" which is true, but then you say that "he didn't say he loved her since moment 1".

Here's what happens in the monologue. Mike describes "the day we found you in the woods" and then goes on to say "i knew in that moment that i loved you". So yes, he did say he loved her since the very first moment he met her 😭

I would understand your reasoning if Mike made it way clearer and said "I know in that moment that I loved you", rather than making it past tense. Making it past tense and saying "in that moment" makes it seem like him in the past knew that he loved her already, when the evidence clearly shows that he did not know that, nor did he feel it. Even if Mike didn't know it at that point, I still don't think he had those romantic feelings, because, as Finn and the Duffers have said multiple times, Mike felt the way about El as Elliott did about ET (which is not romantic love?? its just a fascination, curiosity and deep care for someone in trouble).

I would believe the monologue perfectly well if the writers didn't write insta-love. If Mike had just said something else about loving her, then I would have maybe believed it. But the writers chose to write a provable lie, which is not the easy way out if they wanted to make mileven endgame.

I understand why you don't want to believe byler theories, no matter how provable they are, because they go against something you really like. But believing that Mike's love monologue is something to be taken at face value is not going to work out in the long run. It would have made more sense to have mileven's story end with the love monologue, rather than have S4 end with it. There are still so many questions like:

Why did Mike call her a superhero and say that she can fly and move mountains when she specifically hated being called that and threw those words in his face previously? (yes i know finn added that part but they kept it in)

Why did Mike say he knew he loved her when he met her when he only ends up keeping her when she points to Will in the photo in S1?

Why did Mike say he knew he loved her when he met her when the writers could have just made him say he loved her without making a provable lie?

Why did Will have to be the one to persuade Mike to say I love you?

Why did Will's queer feelings that cause so much pain for the viewer become a tool for mileven's love without pay off?

What will happen when Mike finds out that Will lied about El saying all that stuff? The stuff that made Mike want to say I love you to her? And that Will actually meant all that stuff instead?

Why did El look so angry when Mike said I love you?

Why didn't the love monologue work to save Hawkins?

Why didn't Mike and El talk after the love monologue? Why didn't they simply write a scene where El talks to Mike and is happy about him expressing his feelings?

Your point about the grocery store scene I have explained in this post.

And yes, Mike is a teenager who is scared of people leaving him??? Exactly?? That's why he felt the need to say I love you to her. Some of u ppl have no concept of care and love outside romantic love and it shows-- Mike was scared of El not needing him anymore, he was scared of losing her. Which is why he was so scared of telling her the truth and explaining himself. He felt that the only way that she could be saved from harm was to say I love you.

But he needs to be wrong. He should be wrong about needing to say I love you to not lose her. She needs to express, or Mike needs to find out, that he does not need to force himself to love El to not lose her. If that makes sense?

If Mike ends up being right -- that means that he was forced to say I love you to save her, sacrificing his true self to not lose her. But he doesn't understand yet that he did not need to do that. Mike still has the view that he had at the beginning of the show: El needs me to say I love you in order for me not to lose her as a person. But in S4, El finds out that she does not need him to say I love you to know that she is not a monster. Her opinion on that front changes without Mike's knowledge.

Mike does not yet know this. So she should tell her that she did not need him to say I love you, in order to relieve him from being scared of losing her by her finding out the truth.

okay oof thanks so much for ur ask, hopefully that all makes sense.

TLDR: Basically, Mike can't lose El, yes, but he only says I love you because he's scared to lose her, not because he actually loved her in that moment he met her.

If you want more on Mike's heroic obligations to say I love you to El, read this post please <3

[live-laugh-lenney]

LOCKED IN | ARTHUR FREDERICK

chapter three is here! i'm so sorry about the wait but i'm hoping to become a lot more regular with my schedule and posting this story. thanks for all the love so far! feedback is always welcomed and my inbox is always open so please, please, please don’t hesitate to let me know your thoughts on the story. enjoy! <33

MASTERLIST

- C H A P T E R T H R E E -

“YN, to the Store Room.”

“Are you really going to make me get out of bed to come for a brief chat, Sugarlips?” YN groaned, letting out a disgruntled sound as she rolled over and planted her face into her pillow. She felt Steph rub her shoulder from above the duvet, having perched on the edge of YN’s bed as they said their good morning’s to each other. “I’m so cold. Don’t make me go.”

“Maybe it’s another secret challenge…” Steph wondered, standing from her place and grabbing fistfuls of the duvet with both of her fists, “come on, lazy bones. Up you get.”

“I’m cold,” she reiterated, feeling the chill of the bedroom air hit at her exposed legs, “please. Do not make me get up.”

Her socks felt twisted and uncomfortable on her feet and she guessed it was a good enough reason to sit up on the mattress because she couldn’t stop thinking about the feeling below her ankles. The sleeves of her jumper had risen to her elbows, the cuffs feeling tight around her arm and left crease marks in her skin, which she would use as knowledge that she had slept brilliantly through the night. 

Because she was finding it much easier. 

Everyone was pretty relaxed around one another now and everyone had adjusted to routines and little habits that needed to be done before ending their day. Snoring became a sound that soothed her to sleep rather than woke her from her slumber. The background chat that came in the mornings became her alarm clock and she didn’t mind waking up to join in with whatever topic they were talking about. Everyone’s mess became everyone’s mess around the house and she found herself busying her mind by tidying the different rooms in the house every so often. Because once she picked a t-shirt up or put a pair of shoes away at the end of someone’s bed, she had to pick the rest up. Time was still a struggle and she was finding it hard to go about her day without reaching for her phone or her laptop, needing some kind of escape from the small bubble, for just a moment but it was a detox that she’d be thankful for once she left the house and went back to the normality of her day-to-day life in London.

She slipped her feet into her slippers, a big and yellow smiley face adorned on the front in a carpet-like material, and scuffed down the alley of the beds and into the hidden room round the corner, opening the door and closing it behind her.

“Good morning, YN.”

“Sugarlips,” she greeted with a soft smile, sitting down and crossing her legs like she was back in a school assembly, hands holding her ankles to keep them in place, “what information can I grace you with this morning? Since you woke me up and had me leave the warmth of my bed.”

“How did you sleep last night?”

YN smiled a genuine smile at the camera.

“I slept brilliantly, thank you,” she nodded, sticking her two thumbs up, “I really did, honestly. It’s becoming so much easier to just fall asleep as soon as your head hits the pillow. No snoring keeps me awake now.”

“That’s good for a light sleeper.”

“I am not a light sleeper, let me tell you, Sugarlips. I just struggle to get to sleep, especially in a place where I’m surrounded by strangers who might look at me weirdly in my sleep,” she took a second to clear her throat into her fist before she continued, “once I’m snoozing and I’m all comfortable and warm, I’m out for the count.”

It sounded like heaven.

Most people could only dream of falling asleep as soon as they clambered under their bedsheets and and as soon as their heads hit the pillow behind them. As soon as their eyes closed and as soon as their brain switched off from the day, into a state where nothing was able to distract them from a much needed slumber after a busy day of working. 

YN saw it as a curse.

Where she loved being able to nap anywhere she wanted, loved being able to have a quick ten minute shuteye session on the train or in the back of a taxi cab, there had been many times where she would curse herself for being such a deep sleeper. Many a time where she’d slept through an alarm and had been late for work or for a meeting or for something as important as a video shoot for a channel she had been asked to be a guest on, many a time where she had overslept on a day off and wasted half of her day in bed because she was far too sleepy and far too comfortable to move elsewhere in her house (and why would she need to move if she had no plans?), and there had been many a time where she had overstayed her welcome in hotels because she would work hard for the event she had been invited to and really reap the benefits of being in a five-star bed in a five-star hotel building in a location that she could only dream of working in. 

In a house full of people who slept so differently, she felt it was more a blessing than a curse, at that very moment. 

“Who do you think is the loudest in the house?”

“Oh god, in what way?” YN sat herself up a little straighter in the chair and clasped her hands together in an excitable way, “because if we’re talking in general, I’d have to say Spuddz. He’s such a loud character who gets passionate and really excited about things that happened in here.”

YN had become used to his antics now.

Spuddz was the prankster of the house who liked to play jokes when there was a tiny lull of boredom; he’d hide and jump out at people when they walked passed him, he’d take away something they would use quite often and pretend he had no idea what they were talking about to only place it somewhere so inconspicuous that they wouldn’t even think to check there, he would jump on someone if they were snoozing under the covers in the bedroom, and he’d tell the wackiest jokes that you’d just have to laugh at because it was his delivery rather than the punchline that made it. 

He brought a bit of chaos to the place and he was entertaining, to say the least.

“But if we’re talking about snoring, god, then it has to be Jokeman. Without a doubt. I feel bad for Arthur having to sleep next to him,” YN admitted and shook her head in amusement; there were many times when a group of them would giggle amongst themselves at the sounds escaping his nose and throat, “I think I’ve just learnt to drown everything out now. It’s become such common knowledge in the house that you just learn to live with it, almost like it’s background noise.”

“And who do you think is the messiest in the house?”

“The messiest? Oh god,” she cackled softly and rubbed her eyes with the tips of her fingers, holding them there for a brief moment as she tried to recount everything from the last two days of being in the Locked In house. Her mind raced between everybody; their beds in the bedroom, their section of the bathroom, who left their shoes out and about and how they were when it came to cooking and cleaning after themselves. Including herself in the mix because she knew she wasn’t the cleanest person that entered the house. “I honestly, honestly couldn’t tell you. I feel like we’re all incredibly messy. My clothes are always all over the place. Spuddz always chucks his clothes out of the bathroom when he’s getting ready. All of us girls leave make-up everywhere when we’re getting ready in the mornings,” she tapped her chin in thought, “everyone contributes to the mess without really thinking about it.”

“Everyone?”

“Well, apart from Arthur, I guess. He might leave the odd bowl out from breakfast but he’s pretty neat with everything. His bed is always so pristine in the mornings,” she smiled softly, “he’s a neat freak, I think they call them.”

She remembered just what his bed looked like when she woke up that morning. Not a single trace of him left behind; no dip in the mattress where his body had situated through the night, no dip in his pillow from where he’d laid his head, no crease or lump to signify he was still there. He’d seemingly woken up before everyone that morning, she assumed, because his duvet was pulled up and his pillows were neatly placed at the head of the bed like he was done with it for the day, and YN wondered where he’d gone before Steph had made her way to her bed and flopped herself down. 

“I need him to start making mine, I think. Nothing is allowed to touch that bed from the moment it’s made, till the moment he gets in it at nighttime. He hates it.”

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The kitchen, just after lunchtime, was the perfect level of quiet. 

With the humming of the kitchen fridge and the whirring of the extractor fan above the oven and the trickling sounds coming from the tap once everything had been washed and left to dry on the drying board, it held a sense of silence that was the complete opposite to how it was just a mere half an hour ago; lunchtime being the time when everyone congregates in the kitchen to decide who wanted what for lunch with the limited items they had left from their big shop down just over two days ago. Shouting over each other as they let everyone know their orders on fried eggs opposed to scrambled, ketchup instead of baked beans and who wanted nuggets instead of sausages. All whilst other conversations were happening between he housemates. 

Chaos.

A lovely chaos but pure chaos, none-the-less.

“So, Youtube chat.”

“Yes,” YN grinned, taking her seat on the stool beside the brunette dressed in her peach tracksuit, “the one you wanted to have earlier?”

Anastasia nodded softly, watching as YN opened the pack of digestive biscuits and set them between the two of them.

“Now, I’d say we’re quite similar in what we do on Youtube, wouldn’t you think? I think we’d both fall into the subtopic of Lifestyle,” Anastasia stated, reaching for another chocolate biscuit from the pack that YN had placed on the kitchen island not too long before, pairing nicely with the two cups of tea she had made when Anastasia had asked her if she fancied going for a private chat somewhere - so they could get to know each other in a little bit more of a deeper level than just leaving it at a minor introduction, “I do a little bit of everything and I find I can’t stick to one topic in life. Where most of these guys have make-up or football, I feel like I dabble in a bit of every kind of thing you can show on Youtube.”

“Quite similar? I’d say very similar in terms of what we post,” YN laughed softly, “I just sit and chat. Almost like a vlog-style but not in the format of a vlog. I’m also yet to introduce my family onto my channel, like my parents and my grandparents and whatnot, and I want to make sure they’re comfortable before I bombard them with a camera in their face,” she took a sip from the mug of tea in her hands, “I have no siblings so it’s just me doing my own content. With the occasional pop up from a friend.”

“Do you have a boyfriend? Girlfriend?”

“I don’t,” she shook her head, placing the mug back down on the island top and pulling the sleeves of her jumper over her hands, “no boyfriends for me currently. I’ve been so thrown into this Youtube thing over the last twelve months that I just don’t find myself looking.”

“Not even just swiping Tinder or?”

YN shakes her head.

Sure, she had the dating apps downloaded on her phone; Tinder, Hinge and Bumble. 

But they were only there because her friends had encouraged her to put herself out there in the world of dating and had practically downloaded them to her phone themselves one night when they were together. Insisting that she had something good going for her and that people needed to see the true her and not the girl she portrays herself as online and in her Youtube videos. She found herself using them a couple of times, when curiosity got the better of her and she was in the mood to be nosey, when she was at home by herself and trying to find something to cure her boredom… yet nothing ever came out of swiping right or agreeing to a conversation that would become the driest chat she’d ever had.

“I feel like boyfriends, in this line of work, are something hard to find.”

Boyfriends would come and go in her life. 

Where she would love to have someone to settle down with, go on late-night drives with and take romantic walks through London with, her job came first. With her schedule being something that would almost look crazy busy to someone with a normal 9-5 office job and with her job being something out of the ordinary and not a sit-down job, it was something she thought would scare people off; who would want cameras in their face all day? Who would want their life to be broadcast for millions of followers to see? It would be somewhat of a dealbreaker between her and someone she liked to be around so she saved herself the heartache.

“Yeah, I find that everyone feels intimidated by it when I say I’ve got 1.3 million subs. The look of overwhelm on their faces just says it all really.” 

“Not that I’m holding back on relationships but,” YN sighed heavily and the feeling of dejection ran through her body, “I guess I’m just waiting for someone worth it. I don’t want to go through heartache after heartache, dealing with break-ups, when I could have saved myself from it from the very start.”

“Youtube is tough of the private life sometimes,” Anastasia agreed, nodding softly and she chewed upon a bite of a digestive biscuit held in her hand, chocolate coating her fingertips, “but once you find someone who loves you for you, who supports you and becomes your number one fan, who cheers you on and agrees to do things you want them to do for content, yeah… it’s the best feeling in the world.”

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“When was the first Nike Air Force 1 first released?” 

Johnny turned from the screen he read the question from and looked to face his team; Jemel, Jamie, Anastasia and YN, all of them looking at the four answers with puzzled looks on their faces as they thought long and hard about what the correct answer could be. Throwing around different ideas, conferring as a team, looking frantically at the brand-new white shoes on YN’s feet as they searched for any kind of clue that could give away what the answer could be.

“Does it say anything? At all?” Jemel questioned, looking over YN’s shoulder and shaking her head, “nothing at all.”

“Just split the items across the board. At least we win something, if not nothing,” YN suggested, “but put more on what we think may be the correct answer. If we win then there’s a lot of our items to have and, if we lose, then there’s a small minority of our items. A win-win either way.”

Johnny split the luxury items according to how YN stated, confirming with his team what number they were going for, dividing everything up and placing them on the dropboards before him.

“Lock in number 4. 1991,” Johnny confirmed, standing back from the table, “fuck.”

Number 2 dropped before them.

Number 3 dropped before them.

“Look me in the eye,” Johnny stated confidently as he made eye contact with the four players of his team, “this isn’t going anywhere. This,” he waved around the pile of items on number 4’s dropboard, “this isn’t going anywhere. Just look me in the eye and trust me.”

Trusting him is what they did…

… and trusting him is what they wish they didn’t do.

Number 4 dropped before them and they watched as the majority of their luxury items disappeared beneath the table. Sounds of complete shock filled the challenge room as they watched the events happen before them, leaving one tiny luxury left behind on number 1’s dropboard. YN frowned as she watched the collection of Cadbury’s Caramel chocolate bars disappear, her heart instantly dropping with them, and her face dropped to her hands. 

“You’re joking,” Jemel groaned behind his hands, hiding his face and dragging his palms down his cheeks, “we were certain.”

“Johnny, we’re not listening to you again,” YN frowned playfully at him as he paced the floor in front of the table, “you were so confident.”

“We’re a team, we all went for it. If you thought differently, you should’ve said,” he bit back in a tone that sent an ache through her chest. Making YN’s fake frown turn into a real frown. The creases on her forehead became more prominent, her eyebrows furrowed closer together, her eyes held a dark look behind them and she chewed her tongue in order not to fight back with him - it was a game after all. “Next question, next question.”

Cashews were on the line.

And the question was to do with the population of London, with answers varying between 2 million and 13 million, yet YN chose to keep herself from inputting an answer, staying put and staying silent. 

She watched as they dropped into the table and Johnny slammed his palm upon the tabletop, jumping in her place on the bench beside Anastasia, her cheeks going bright red and she could feel the two men behind her as they hunched over and groaned into their hands, crouching towards the floor. 

“They were cashews, the least they owed us was cashews,” Johnny hurled the words into the room, “cashews.”

The blue team thought they’d done the worst out of both teams partaking in the challenge… until the red team took their turn. 

As quick as the new piles of luxury items had been placed on the four dropboards, they had quickly disappeared after they gave the wrong answer to their first question. A question on Chunkz and his music. With a musically-inclined person in their team. 

The irony couldn’t have been any better.

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“Which one of you is doing the secret hiding challenge thing?”

Arthur broke the silence that had fallen amongst the group, all eyes focusing on him as he stood before the group, asking the question that had been brewing in his mind for the most of the afternoon once he realised a piece from his chess set had gone missing. Knowing that Jokeman wouldn’t have done it and that YN wouldn’t have taken it from him because she hadn’t had a reason to mess with him like that, and he hoped she didn’t take his accusation personally, but he had his suspicions on who it could be. 

“It’s not me,” he pointed to himself, “and it’s not you,” he pointed to Anastasia, “so who is it? Someone’s taken the rook from the chess set.”

YN gripped hold of the edge of the make-up table with her fingertips and leant back upon the yellow stool she was perched upon and tilted her head back to look at him, genuine concern on his face as he looked around the room and made eye contact to see if anyone was lying to him. His eyes holding more on those he thought could be the culprits. 

“It’s not me, I promise,” YN smiled softly, “I’ve barely been down there all day.”

Arthur looked down and nodded, “I know it’s not you.”

“How?” Johnny asked, “it could have been? Just because you fancy her, it doesn’t mean she couldn’t have stolen it as a joke or something.”

YN rolled her eyes.

She wasn’t entirely sure what she’d done to annoy Johnny and it hurt her brain to think about anything she could have said to him, in the three days they’d been there and in the very few conversations they’d had, that would have upset him or given him a reason to treat her poorly with his words. 

The words twanged at her insides and she frowned, eyebrows pinching together and her eyes went darker than usual, and she busied herself by cleaning up the make-up table in front of her and organising things into a more structured layout. 

And it wasn’t just YN who was upset by his words.

Arthur wanted to bite back. He wanted to defend her but it wasn’t worth the hassle because he would have fought in a game that would have had dangerous consequences on the outside world; he wasn’t a fighter, he wasn’t one for confrontation and he didn’t need to argue back in front of cameras that would have picked up the entire thing. He watched her, eyes flickering back to her every now and then, and he could see YN’s mind thinking the same thing with the way her eyes were dark yet still holding a touch of her usual spark when she made eye contact with him. 

“Bold on that one, Arthur,” Jokeman laughed from next to him, in an attempt to lift the mood and nudged him in the arm with his elbow, “although, YN’s far too sweet to even think about making someone so paranoid. This man is going through it right now. Look at him.”

Arthur’s cheeks flushed a bright pink.

“I just, I’ve been down playing chess for most of the day and I haven’t really seen YN all day so I didn’t think she’d do it,” he explained, “she might have done it behind my back or when I disappeared for a moment but I don’t think she would have done me over like that. She knows that chess is one massive love of mine.”

YN’s cheeks mirrored Arthur’s and she felt the heat creeping up her neck. 

He disappeared from behind her and into the bedroom where she could hear him asking Anisa, Jamie and Spuddz on whether they had taken the rook to his chess set and, once they swore to him that they didn’t, whether they knew who did take it from the board because he was determined to find the one who had done it.

“I think it’s you,” he stated, looking at Steph as she feigned shock, a hand placed over her heart and her eyes widening, “it has to be you. I’ve asked everyone else.”

“It’s not me,” Steph argued, shaking her head and placing her hands on her hips, “Arthur, it’s not me. I didn’t do it.”

“We’ve been upstairs,” Anastasia chimed in, “she wouldn’t have done it. She couldn’t have done it. She’s been with me.”

“I’ve managed to cross everyone else off the list. It’s you,” he frowned, “it has to be you. I’ve asked everyone else and they’ve all got pretty good alibi’s.”

He stood and waited for a reply. His eyes darted between the two girls before him. 

“Well, it’s not me,” Steph said, “it’s not, I promise you.”

Getting nowhere close to finding out who took the chess piece, Arthur gave up. 

A permanent frown etched on his face for the entire early evening and annoyance written across his body, his body language changing from his usual bouncy self to a more constricted self, because he was being kept away from doing something he enjoyed doing. Something that helped pass the time. Where others had the art of coming up with conversations to help them through the lingering hours, Arthur didn’t and he didn’t excel in conversations with people as well as everyone else so chess was his solace.

Minutes passed by, that turned into hours passing by, and by then, they’d all disappeared and dispersed into another room. YN found comfort on a beanbag with a blanket wrapped around her, to the back of the room where everyone had seemingly congregated so she could still listen to what was going on and she could still be a part of conversations that were happening, and it was the one thing she was thankful people understood about her; how she liked to be by herself, with her own thoughts, without forcing her to do things she didn’t want to do.

And her moment was torn from her when she watched Steph take Arthur aside.

She wasn’t staring, she wasn’t really interested in what they were saying and she didn’t really care for them being sat together and having a chat in the corner, but what seemingly bothered her was how she pulled him into a hug and kept him close, arms wrapping around his neck as his snaked around her waist. And she felt a pang of… dare she say it… she felt a pang of jealousy surge through her chest and she found it hard to take her eyes away from what was happening. She knew the cameras were on her and she knew they were watching her every move, as they were with Arthur and Steph, and deep down she knew she needed to stop feeling that way… yet she couldn’t stop herself.

“I did take your chess piece,” she announced proudly, “it was me. I’ve hidden it in one of the kitchen cupboards.”

And YN was torn from her distant gaze as he let out a blaring ‘I knew it’ into the quiet room and shot up from his seat, chasing Steph from room to room and ending out on the patio of the house where, just for a tiny second and through the gap between the doorframe and stairs, YN saw a second hug happen.

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‘Steph, your Shrimp 🍤 crew is absolutely here 💯 goooooo Steeeph 🤩’

“Shrimp crew?” YN laughed and looked across to Steph, “what’s that about?”

“It’s because my posture is always like this,” she hunched over in demonstration and brought her chest to her knees, letting her posture drop compared to the straight back she was sitting with prior and YN cackled softly, “it’s so bad so I just call my little following the Shrimp crew.”

“Do you know that girl?” Arthur questioned and looked at her and everyone snickered around them, even YN had a small smile tickle at the corner of her lips as she looked at his flushing cheeks and clueless look behind his eyes, “what?”

“It’s a comment, bro,” Johnny teased, pushing Arthur’s shoulder in amusement, “just a comment.”

‘Here we go!!!’

“Saffron,” Steph cooed, “that’s so cute.”

“That’s my best friend,” Anastasia grinned, pointing her fingers at the camera and smiling wide, “that’s my best friend. Love you Saff!”

‘I can’t wait, rooting for Jamie!! (LDN movements)’

“Jamie!” 

Everyone cried out his name once they read the comment on the screen and he stood to his feet, a bashful look on his face and he played shy for the group and for the cameras, clasping his hands before him and doing a tiny twirl before he sat back down on the sofa.

‘Arthur is too sweet. What a winner’

Everyone clapped for the comment and Arthur blushed a bright pink, Jokeman clapping him on the shoulders and giving him a gentle shake, cheering behind him. 

YN blushed when he looked at her after the noise and the commotion had died down, giving him the softest thumbs up and the cheesiest grin she could muster, and he shot her a wink before he turned back around and looked back at the screen. 

‘YN all the way! Love you girl! Smash it in there!’

“Yes, girly,” Anisa grinned and wrapped her arm around YN’s shoulder, pulling her into a hug as gave cheers of agreement with the comment before them, “guys, this is my winner right here. Along with me, of course. We can split the prize money.”

Arthur gave her the cheesiest grin he could muster and threw her a thumbs up, in the same fashion that she had done to him, and she giggled to herself and looked to her hands. 

The cutest, she thought to herself, absolutely adorable.

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The house had finally settled.

And, for YN, it was the first real moment of solitude that she’d felt that day. Night time seemed to be the first time, that day, where she managed to find time to herself, and it was like a breath of fresh air after another day spent navigating through people, friendships, challenges and tasks to win points throughout the show. She didn’t have to convene with anyone, no conversation was needed and she could finally be at peace with her thoughts as she reminisced on what was happening around her.

As her housemates retreated upstairs, either already asleep or engaged in the familiar ritual of preparing themselves for bed, she found herself drawn to the sanctuary of the lounge. She’d said goodnight to everyone as they made their way into the bedroom as she collected her lounge clothes and slippers so she could chill out in the living room, dragging the duvet down the stairs behind her, and saying goodnight to the last few housemates who were trudging themselves up the stairs.

“I feel like I haven’t seen you all day,” Arthur hummed quietly, taking the seat beside her on the sofa and pulling some of the blanket from her legs so he could cover his own from the chill in the air, “I definitely haven’t spoken to you all day, I don’t think.”

She smiled softly and shrugged gently, cosying back into the sofa and pulling her legs up to her chest.

“Are you okay?” 

He gazed at her face as he waited for an answer, whether it be a change in emotion or verbal, yet nothing seemed to make it obvious to him. 

“I’m fine, I’m just…” she watched as Spuddz and Jamie walked through the lounge area and towards the kitchen, saying their goodnights as they were the last two to disappear upstairs and get ready for bed, “I’m fine.”

“You don’t seem fine,” he pointed out, watching as the features of her face contorted into a look that seemingly made her look like she was about to cry, “did I say something?”

“No,” she frowned and she refused to let the tears that had been stinging at her eyelids come to bay, “I’m fine, honestly. I think I’m just overtired and now I’m struggling to feel tired enough to lay down and go to sleep so I just feel all-”

“Emotional?” 

She nodded and giggled softly, pulling the blanket up to her chin and focusing her attention on the soft fabric between her fingertips.

“You weren’t upset about what happened earlier, were you?”

He didn’t need to remind her; the situation had sat at the front of her brain for the majority of the evening. 

“Not really, it just annoys me that they insinuate things after everything we do together or whenever one of us defends the other,” she admitted, shrugging her shoulders and the stinging of tears seemed to subside a little as she spoke about what she had bottled up all day, “I think I just need to stop letting words affect me and grow up a little, I guess.”

“I think it was a valid reason to be upset,” Arthur said, “there’s a lot of loud voices in here that it’s hard not to feel upset when something is said with a little vigour and brashness. If it helps, I was going to bite back but I didn’t think it was worth it… he has a lot more fans than I do. I think, publicly, I’d have been torn to pieces.”

YN smiled softly at him and shook her head, “I think you’d have a lot of defence behind you. I’d be your number one defender, for sure.”

“Likewise,” he jabbed his elbow into her side, “we make a great team.”

[stormblessed95]

Hi!

Long time no see....

I did TRY to get this finished as soon as I could, but between the rollercoaster of 'Are You Sure?!', the hellscape that Jikook spaces (on Twitter/X and Tumblr) became (and honestly were already...), and trying to shorten everything down, it took a good while.

But I refuse to keep this past 2024, so here's an gift for the holidays (or maybe not considering the word count 🫥)!

I wanted to articulate exactly what my thoughts and concerns were, especially since this is a more serious topic regarding Jimin’s work and art, but I don’t think it came off that well before.

Hopefully I do better this time!

I’ve seen the many anons that were spamming your and other Jikookers’ inboxes the second WHO and MUSE released because “OMG Jimin said she/her!! He’s single and looking for a woman to love!” became the newest narrative.

While I do think it would be perfectly okay for him to want a female partner, it does make me slightly upset and sad, that people resorted to being homophobic and honestly misogynistic as a response. There is a way to discuss Jimin's potential romantic partners without being nasty to queer fans or possibly invalidating Jimin’s identity (especially since it is not likely that he’d ever fully come out (if he is queer/bi) in the way most people think nor want, given where he lives and his line of work).

Even the way people were talking about women was questionable. Going on about how it is outrageous for Jimin to deny himself the chance to be with a woman, have a biological family, and overall is wasting himself on Jungkook (if they are in a romantic relationship).

Making women out to be objects for men to use and only worth making/raising families, the homophobic rhetoric towards the longevity of queer relationships and same sex parents, as well as the blatant disrespect to Jungkook (that he’s “not enough” or “not right” for Jimin). If someone thinks that Jikook are nothing but platonic friends, that is perfectly fine. But to degrade their bond, as well as Jimin and Jungkook’s characters, is just unnecessarily cruel.

In regards to your response, I would love for nothing more than to say that it helped with my understanding of Jimin and MUSE, but I’m honestly not completely sure of that….

My first ask was sent right after the behind video for MUSE dropped, so before some of your posts that you linked about MUSE and WHO were posted (though I did read them again!).

Before I continue, I do want to make a few things clear:

I’m not stuck on any of my assumptions or thoughts being the “correct” way to interpret MUSE.

I’m not here to convince anyone that Jikook isn’t in a romantic relationship. I’m honestly really just confused.

I don’t need anyone to convince me that Jikook is still real.

I’m simply having a conversation and trying to process my thoughts and MUSE with someone that I trust and respect. Do I always agree with everything said? No, in fact disagreeing with others (Storm in this case) is how I tend to find out how I feel or think about a topic or situation.

I’ve done a lot of thinking about what exactly has been confusing me with MUSE, and I’ve narrowed it down to three main topics or questions: Is MUSE a conceptual album?, Is WHO how Jimin actually feels?, and What does this all mean for Jikook?

This is going to be long, I’m sorry in advance!

IS MUSE A CONCEPTUAL ALBUM?

Initial Thoughts

Since I’m used to Jimin’s recent work, FACE and his Photofolio, having lots of Jimin’s own inspirations and ideas tied into it, like Greek Mythology, German Poetry, Robert Mapplethorpe’s Imagery and Work, ect, with the title being MUSE, the idea that Jimin was going to vaguely write about his inspirations or muses (how Closer Than This is considered for ARMY) seemed likely to me.

Then as the track titles were revealed to be more romantic sounding, it felt like he may have used the concept of love to better articulate another deeper message. Or that he chose to write about a fictional love and focused more on vocal and production styles, in a similar way to what Jungkook did with Golden.

Post MMM

 While watching the MMM video for the first time, I was confused because Jimin had mentioned MUSE being more vague (or conceptual) than FACE but that WHO was his “feelings” after the previous tracks. Ultimately, I took that as him wanting to write about love but not having current personal experiences to pull from, so he decided to make up a fictional love story/crush, and then WHO comes at the end being like “actually that’s not true. i’m not in love, though i want to be.”

Then I saw this post:

https://www.tumblr.com/just-orbiting-you/756542511466643456/muse-is-a-concept-album?

I went back to watch MMM immediately, and was almost horrified at how I managed to miss or maybe interpret parts of Jimin and Namjoon’s conversation differently.

JM: I really tried to express all the emotions I felt at the time. “What do you talk about these days?” “How are things going?” Those were things Pdogg asked me about and I felt that it had been a while since I felt excited about something.

RM: Oh, over something.

JM: Yeah. We hadn’t been active as a team for a while either. I was working hard, I wanted to do well and was trying but it felt like it had been a long time since I was immersed in something or felt excited about something.

RM: So, since your life felt really bland, you expressed your different feelings through Muse?

JM: I tried to capture that in my album. I set my album like this, from tracks one through five, those emotions compared to having a crush and confessing my feelings.

RM: Having a crush is exciting.

JM: Exactly! So I share how I feel, then in track six which is the title track, I go, “no, that wasn’t really true”. “When will I feel excited about something again?”

RM: Then does it connect to Face in any way?

JM: Not really. It’s not that connected.

RM: Face was then?

JM: Those were my emotions then. Getting clarity, and this time it’s just vague.

With this in mind, as well as the fact that BOTH Jimin and Namjoon talked about Jimin’s work, singing, and idol identity more than anything to do with love, made the idea that search for love = search for his inspiration/excitement with his art more possible.

MUSE Behinds

Then the Behinds for Muse dropped….

Which led to my first ask:

https://stormblessed95.tumblr.com/post/758126579695190016/hi-ok-so-i-just-rewrote-everything-i-wanted-to

Looking back now, I don’t think I presented WHY I was so conflicted after that video that well in my initial ask.

JM: This album has a lot of cheerful songs. But I wanted to try a different approach for just the title track. There will be a lot of fun songs.

JM: It was harder to write the lyrics this time. I had to pretend to go through experiences I haven’t had before. I’ll explain it one by one in more detail later.

So I know a lot of people have been using the “pretend to go through experiences I haven’t had before” to explain the “looking for love” vibes of WHO, but my understanding of Jimin saying this was that it’s towards the first five tracks (where he sings about having a crush and falling in love). While both relate to it being a concept, it being about the rest of the album (the love part) does make it sound like he’s currently single.

JB (Jon): *interpreting Jimin’s ideas* I’d like to fall in love. I wanna, I’ll do what it takes to fall in love. I still don’t feel it, so what is my heart waiting for?

JM (Through the Translator): It’s just a bit sentimental, so it doesn’t get too intense like, “Where is she?” It doesn’t get too depressing.

JM: It’s not supposed to be sad or anything.

Translator: He’s not like, not too deep into it. He’s like “This is what I’m feeling right now”.

JM: It’s kind of embarrassing to explain emotions. It feels like someone found my diary.

Translator: Thank you for explaining everything so honestly.

JM: My ears are red. *touches ears*

I really do want to hear more of what Jimin told Jon directly about his (Jimin’s) vision for the song.

While Jimin still could be working through the idea of a concept about his inspiration, when he says “It feels like someone found my diary”, to me it really did sound more personal to him than expected.

Especially to be getting so embarrassed about it.

JM: I’ve poured all my emotions into this, so I was very embarrassed just now. Even though they just wanted to ask about the story I wanted to tell. It’s just, everyone…. *laughs*

JM: Everyone’s just living alone, right? That’s what it is.

Yes, technically he does LIVE ALONE or he could have been using the feeling of not having that excitement to being alone….

But I'm curious as to what he meant by “everyone’s just living alone, right?” within the context of WHO, MUSE, or even in general?

Producer: If the album is going to be all about expressing the process, we could just go all out conceptual.

Producer: I thought we could do a story with a specific concept, and I thought it’d be great if we chose a name for a band.

With SGMB, the confusion for me was more about them mentioning it being about “expressing the process” and being conceptual after I had thoughts about WHO being more personal.

Now I wonder if they meant the process of falling in love.

Response to Your Thoughts

I really liked your take on the title of MUSE and relating it to inspiration and the Muses of Greek Mythology. It fits in line with what we’ve seen from Jimin, as well as what I was initially expecting.

Like I said above, after going back and paying attention to what they were saying (I literally typed out the entire video to go over 💀), the search for his inspiration and a version of himself that he’s fully satisfied with seemed likely to be the concept of MUSE.

Rejecting WHO, because “he didn’t write it”, feels not only disrespectful, but stupid to do so. It’d be one thing if Jimin had clearly stated that he had no connection to the lyrics/story and just liked the song that was given to him (though this is still weird, because him liking the song and presenting it to fans is valid and important). But that’s not what happened.

Yes someone else wrote WHO, but we’re literally told AND shown that Jimin was involved when they wrote it. That Jimin himself explained what he wanted to express through the song. Along with his further involvement with the MV and the choreo.

If he is explaining his search for inspiration through the idea of romance, that is incredibly smart and endearing of him. It shows me how much his work and art matter to him. That he’s willing to work on bettering himself (even if I thought he was already amazing) to achieve even better results that he can truly be proud of.

While I can see where topics surrounding his sexuality can come into play with WHO, more so with the MV, I’m under the impression that Jimin has come to terms with any gender expression or sexuality issues he’s had a long while ago. But still, even if he is accepting of who he is, others (ARMY, South Korea, The World, ect) might not be.

I’m happy though that even while in this search (whether for inspiration, satisfaction, or love) that he’s still able to be happy and content with where he is at and who he is.

Producers’ and Jimin’s Thoughts

Hearing that MUSE was born after Jimin was so excited to work on music, especially considering the darker topics discussed in FACE, makes me so unbelievably happy. The songs ending up as upbeat and hopeful, even romantic, really does make sense in that context.

But I'm honestly more and more confused the more people talk about this album.

The producers say the album is about looking for some imaginary woman, while every song other than WHO is gender neutral. Even with WHO, we are shown a version that was gender neutral.

“He’s a Korean Idol. He’s going to be portrayed as straight!”

So why is Jimin not following that?

Most (if not all) of what I hear him talk about in relation to MUSE is gender neutral. I don’t have an issue with Jimin making love songs about women, but make it consistent with the rest of the album that THEY (Jimin and Producers) wrote then!

Is it Personal or Conceptual?

Yes…

It's true that conceptual doesn’t have to mean fake, but the question I’m often left with is “In what way is this album conceptual?” Is it his search for inspiration and excitement of his work through a romantic lens OR is it his search for his person through a made up love story?

The idea of most of the album being love songs about a made up relationship/crush just to be like “I’m actually single and alone!”, does frustrate me a little. Like he’s an Idol, it’s already assumed that he’s single.

“Please misunderstand”, Park Jimin, what does this mean??

At first I thought maybe he meant him being in a relationship, because the songs (up until WHO) read as him confessing to someone or telling ARMY about his partner. But WHO exists on the album… so that narrative is already clear.

So is he not LOOKING FOR A WOMAN? Or is he not SINGLE?

Is the album not about his LOVE LIFE but his work?

Because ANY of those would actually make more sense to misunderstand.

Why is he releasing this in the military? I’d understand if he was planning on revealing a partner, but based on what Jimin, the producers, and WHO are saying, he’s single. So is he announcing that he’s looking for love once he’s discharged? Then we go back to it being assumed that he is already single… and not going to lie, that is a little strange to announce? Why make an entire album for that?

Why is Closer Than This on the album? I’m desperately hoping it’s not some sick way of saying “At least I got ARMY”..... and then what is Letter for?

IS WHO HOW JIMIN ACTUALLY FEELS?

The Song

So the only song that Jimin doesn’t have writing credits on is supposed to be the one depicting his “true feelings”... Interesting.

According to the producers, the song was born out of Jimin having trouble relating to a love serenade they were trying to write initially, and thus ends up asking himself if he can ever really love someone. With the song apparently being about the reality of feeling lonely and melancholy, and asking yourself where the person for you is , it does make me think that he hasn’t been in a long term romantic relationship for years, if it’s directly about Jimin and not just the concept of the song.

“He’s an Idol, of course he’ll say he’s single and doesn’t know what love is!”

Ok, but why mention it at all?

I could maybe see Jimin not being out to his producers (or more so with his possible relationship with Jungkook), but it’s also not hard to just take him at his word (via the producers) that he’s unfamiliar with romantic love.

Jimin mentions that when he meets up with friends, they’re all feeling similarly flat. I wonder if that flatness is towards not being in a relationship or feeling uninspired with life and/or work? He goes on to say it’s not a sad or scary feeling, but it’s also not exciting. This could go for either concept (Love or Work) to be honest.

The MV

Initially with the MV,  I just saw Jimin dancing with girls trying to find the one but ending up alone (in line with the song). The only thing that I really had trouble processing was the billboard…

I’ve read through multiple analyses of the MV since my first viewing, and I’ve noticed a lot more details that are somewhat questionable.

Auto Calibration being the main one as it flashes on screen after Jimin dances with men and then leads into him dancing with women. This does give some queer vibes, and makes me interested in what “story” Jimin had in mind with WHO as the choreo also has similar vibes too.

Jimin mentioning people instead of just women as potential options when passing by is also interesting, especially when he has mostly talked about this album gender neutrally.

The billboard with SOMEONE’S EYES dropping after Jimin sings “Who is my heart waiting for?” does seem as though it's an answer for Jimin, or maybe others. Especially when WHO with NO QUESTION MARK and Keep Going are written on it. In my opinion, it does resemble Jungkook's eyes. But I find it hard to take it as a promotion of some sort when it quite literally interrupts the MV, seemingly for no reason, instead of being a poster in the back.

Then of course, there is the insane potential connection of Taeyang, someone Jimin is a known fan of and is now friends with, showcasing his then girlfriend (now wife) on a billboard in a MV….

The Choreo

Most of the choreo just matches with the lyrics, but there are some parts that I found interesting.

During a Chorus part Jimin joins up with SIX OTHER MEN. I don’t know if this is supposed to be a BTS reference or just formations. But what is the point of having SIX when there is only FIVE later for the girls vs boys part? Why not just keep the seven men (including Jimin) and have seven girls? Where’d the other guy even go?

Next in Verse Two when Jimin sings about “taking her places they ain’t found yet, putting it all on the line, and being that someone she can count on”, he dances with two men. Why? Would it not be better for him to do some sort of partner choreo here?

In the bridge, he repeats “who is my heart, heart waiting for?” as he passes by BOTH WOMEN AND MEN. Sure he only tries to match with women, but he’s a kpop idol and the song uses female pronouns, so that’s expected. I’m sure the male dancers were most likely included just to have it look better, but considering Jimin saying people when talking about it, the gender neutral version of the song, and that Jimin was involved with the choreo, it’s something to consider!

Jimin also keeps mentioning the choreo feeling like a short film or musical, which makes all the film (play, pause, rewind) details in the MV fit.

I am a bit disappointed that he, once again, warned fans about him interacting with women in the choreo. Even to the point of saying “moments that you might find uncomfortable” and “please don’t be too disappointed”

This is part of the reason I’m genuinely confused if this was to be some big “ARMY I’m dating/going to date!” announcement, because why would he care??? He mentions that “it is part of the grand scheme of things”, does that just refer to the story aspect of the choreo or is there more to it?

His conversations with his friends come up again, about how there are few instances to feel really strong emotions and him thinking “Should I start feeling more passion?” while making WHO, and that the writers of WHO worded the story he wanted to tell in such a lovely way.

The choreo has a lot of fun theatrical elements as he seems to want to express a lot of picturesque scenes, and the dance suits him while being simpler and fresh. But he’s still concerned about how to express the emotions for this song, as it isn't a sad song, but it does kind of become one towards the end.

Jimin’s Truth

With the amount of story elements, I’m considering the song being more of a way to describe his feelings about needing passion in his life than a detailed recount of his “failing love life”. It’s still his thoughts and feelings, but maybe expressed in a more digestible way for the audience.

If he is being up front about his romantic past, then I really do hope he finds his person, whoever they might be.

Park Jimin OF ALL PEOPLE deserves to love and be loved!

WHAT DOES THIS ALL MEAN FOR JIKOOK?

Being More Open

I know Jimin, and all idols, needs to be careful when talking about love. It’s why I’m so confused as to why this concept, and why now? Though with Jin stating that he wrote Falling for someone, maybe this is just part of BTS being more honest and open.

I do want to take Jimin and Jungkook’s words and actions seriously, however part of what has been said about MUSE and WHO from Jimin and his producers, does make me question if I (and the rest of us) were mistaken of what the nature of their bond is.

Why Does It Matter?

I think part of the reason that it's important to me to know if Jimin is legitimately saying he’s single, is that I do want to respect him and his words.

“So why were you shipping him with his bandmate?” 

Personally I’ve always left room for doubt when it comes to Jikook. It’s not everything I think about in terms of BTS, Jimin, and/or Jungkook. Nor is it the end of the world for me if they’re simply platonic friends. I just thought Jikook seemed like they were/are dating.

Now I’m a little confused on where I stand, and knowing what MUSE and WHO are about in relation to Jimin would help. I know you obviously can’t know exactly. But I’m hoping I’ll get something other than “Jikook is real! Stop doubting them! You’re projecting your internalized homophobia!” OR “Jikook isn’t real! Jimin is straight and looking for a woman!”

Random AYS Interjection

I did want to finish this before Are You Sure premiered because I didn't want to keep talking about this past then and really didn’t think I had that much more to say.

But as I was going through my ask, your response to me, your posts you linked, my notes on Jimin’s video, the new videos that were being uploaded, and other anons and bloggers opinions, I realized this was going to take longer than I thought.

Part of me was also curious if my thoughts on MUSE would change how I saw Jikook in Are You Sure. Honestly my surprise when I didn’t find anything that pointed to them breaking up or being just platonic, was nothing compared to seeing that my opinion was uncommon to quite a few in the Jikook Community….

“What about the Car Conversation?!?!”

OK???? What about it?

Honestly, watching people discover that Jimin and Jungkook were busy and missing each other (or at least quality time) in 2023 for the first time this August was interesting to say the least…

We could get into the abuse and bullying allegations, calling Jimin being anti romantic over things taken out of context or making it into some weird narrative that Jimin doesn’t love Jungkook as much or that he sees their relationship as the Devil, or the fifty other weird things some of y’all said on your "Jikook Supporter" blogs…

But this is about MUSE, so THAT RANT will have to wait!

Final Conclusion

I’m still confused, but I do think after reviewing things that there is more to MUSE than I think. Especially with stories and theatrics being involved in so much of the concept.

I really just want to know what MUSE is about. The misunderstanding thing was fun for like a couple days, now it just makes me anxious and stressed. But maybe it was supposed to be like this 😔

Thank you for actually responding to my first ask so nicely and being willing to have this discussion with me!

Sorry this response took forever, hopefully it's somewhat decent 😭

Hope you're doing well, and are having a good holiday!

— Nice Muse Anon 🎨

I'm going to cry. I typed this whole fucking thing up. And it got deleted. So here we go again 😭

Hi love, I'm going to do this in a bit of a direct response thing. Copy what you say in red and then reply to it and so forth. Here we go. It won't be EVERYTHING you say, just the parts I wanted to make a comment about....

But I refuse to keep this past 2024, so here's an gift for the holidays (or maybe not considering the word count 🫥)!

And yet here I am months later. Sorry!

Your first 3 opening paragraphs about homophobia and misogyny.... Hard preach!

IS MUSE A CONCEPTUAL ALBUM?

Rejecting WHO, because “he didn’t write it”, feels not only disrespectful, but stupid to do so. It’d be one thing if Jimin had clearly stated that he had no connection to the lyrics/story and just liked the song that was given to him (though this is still weird, because him liking the song and presenting it to fans is valid and important). But that’s not what happened.

Agreed

Yes someone else wrote WHO, but we’re literally told AND shown that Jimin was involved when they wrote it. That Jimin himself explained what he wanted to express through the song. Along with his further involvement with the MV and the choreo. If he is explaining his search for inspiration through the idea of romance, that is incredibly smart and endearing of him. It shows me how much his work and art matter to him. That he’s willing to work on bettering himself (even if I thought he was already amazing) to achieve even better results that he can truly be proud of.

Agreed x 2

Hearing that MUSE was born after Jimin was so excited to work on music, especially considering the darker topics discussed in FACE, makes me so unbelievably happy. The songs ending up as upbeat and hopeful, even romantic, really does make sense in that context.

It does make sense in that context!

“He’s a Korean Idol. He’s going to be portrayed as straight!” So why is Jimin not following that?

This is part of why he is beloved. Him and BTS. They do this all the time and queer or not, it's impactful and meaningful and special to so many people

It's true that conceptual doesn’t have to mean fake, but the question I’m often left with is “In what way is this album conceptual?” Is it his search for inspiration and excitement of his work through a romantic lens OR is it his search for his person through a made up love story?

Personally, I think it's option 1. People can have their own opinions though, no right or wrong answer. Some might even have other options they think it is

The idea of most of the album being love songs about a made up relationship/crush just to be like “I’m actually single and alone!”, does frustrate me a little. Like he’s an Idol, it’s already assumed that he’s single.

1000% fair and I can even agree a bit with that frustration. Mostly my frustration there is with the company and fans though that cultivated this environment for idols

Why is he releasing this in the military? I’d understand if he was planning on revealing a partner, but based on what Jimin, the producers, and WHO are saying, he’s single. So is he announcing that he’s looking for love once he’s discharged? Then we go back to it being assumed that he is already single… and not going to lie, that is a little strange to announce? Why make an entire album for that?

I don't think he is announcing anything exactly. Like it's not a release meant to be for an announcement. If that makes sense. He isn't trying to inform people he is single and/or ready to mingle. He is trying to share emotions and a story. Why during MS? Idk.

Why is Closer Than This on the album? I’m desperately hoping it’s not some sick way of saying “At least I got ARMY”..... and then what is Letter for?

Usually singles that are released before albums get put on the album. Personally I think that was a one off goodbye song for ARMY before the army. I don't think it actually has anything to do with the album concepts or themes at all... Lol it just got stuck on the album because of release times. But that's just me and what do I actually know 🤷‍♀️

What is letter for? Good question. There are soooo many theories lmfao

IS WHO HOW JIMIN ACTUALLY FEELS?

The Song

According to the producers, the song was born out of Jimin having trouble relating to a love serenade they were trying to write initially, and thus ends up asking himself if he can ever really love someone. With the song apparently being about the reality of feeling lonely and melancholy, and asking yourself where the person for you is , it does make me think that he hasn’t been in a long term romantic relationship for years, if it’s directly about Jimin and not just the concept of the song.

Fair enough friend. I disagree but that's totally fair and valid feelings to have

“He’s an Idol, of course he’ll say he’s single and doesn’t know what love is!” Ok, but why mention it at all?

Because with the concept and theme being what they are, it would be discussed to hell and back (low-key hello is us in this post) and it's "damage control" regardless on how I feel about that, it's most likely what it is. No matter how annoying

I could maybe see Jimin not being out to his producers (or more so with his possible relationship with Jungkook), but it’s also not hard to just take him at his word (via the producers) that he’s unfamiliar with romantic love.

I personally Don't form my opinions too much based on things that are second hand. I still take them into account for sure. But I don't put too too much stock into things that via someone else on behalf of any of BTS. Because really, they can just say anything. Now don't take this as me dismissing things said, because I'm not. I'm just clarifying for everyone that I form 85% of my opinions ONLY on things that are direct from Jimin himself and based directly on Jimins actions. Things are going to be influenced by personal bias always as well too

The MV

I think we are mostly just mostly on the same page with everything you said here

The Choreo

Again, mostly think we are on the same page about your thoughts here. Will just comment specially about....

I am a bit disappointed that he, once again, warned fans about him interacting with women in the choreo. Even to the point of saying “moments that you might find uncomfortable” and “please don’t be too disappointed”

Very fair and honestly same. Again, mostly in the fans and company that have cultivated that environment he feels like he has to operate in now. I do wish he would care less about it though.

This is part of the reason I’m genuinely confused if this was to be some big “ARMY I’m dating/going to date!” announcement, because why would he care??? He mentions that “it is part of the grand scheme of things”, does that just refer to the story aspect of the choreo or is there more to it?

Jimin just cares a lot and very deeply about everything that matters to him, which includes his job and his fans. As for the grand scheme comment, I personally think it's in regards to the story aspect of the choreo, but that's just me

With the amount of story elements, I’m considering the song being more of a way to describe his feelings about needing passion in his life than a detailed recount of his “failing love life”. It’s still his thoughts and feelings, but maybe expressed in a more digestible way for the audience. If he is being up front about his romantic past, then I really do hope he finds his person, whoever they might be. Park Jimin OF ALL PEOPLE deserves to love and be loved!

HARD AGREE!!

WHAT DOES THIS ALL MEAN FOR JIKOOK?

I know Jimin, and all idols, needs to be careful when talking about love. It’s why I’m so confused as to why this concept, and why now? Though with Jin stating that he wrote Falling for someone, maybe this is just part of BTS being more honest and open.

Between Jin saying he wrote falling for someone, and Joon with some of his songs and posts... And some other things and comments, I really really hope that they come out of MS feeling more free and giving less of a fuck about certain fans and their feelings about things. But only time will tell

I do want to take Jimin and Jungkook’s words and actions seriously, however part of what has been said about MUSE and WHO from Jimin and his producers, does make me question if I (and the rest of us) were mistaken of what the nature of their bond is.

Fair enough friend

I think part of the reason that it's important to me to know if Jimin is legitimately saying he’s single, is that I do want to respect him and his words.

Highlighting the respect part, because everyone should want to do the same

Personally I’ve always left room for doubt when it comes to Jikook. It’s not everything I think about in terms of BTS, Jimin, and/or Jungkook. Nor is it the end of the world for me if they’re simply platonic friends. I just thought Jikook seemed like they were/are dating.

Yes

AYS comments....

Honestly, watching people discover that Jimin and Jungkook were busy and missing each other (or at least quality time) in 2023 for the first time this August was interesting to say the least…

It really brings back up that whole media literacy thing I keep bringing up people's lack of and as well as people's lack of understanding of relationships in general (platonic and romantic) doesn't it. Lol

We could get into the abuse and bullying allegations, calling Jimin being anti romantic over things taken out of context or making it into some weird narrative that Jimin doesn’t love Jungkook as much or that he sees their relationship as the Devil, or the fifty other weird things some of y’all said on your "Jikook Supporter" blogs… But this is about MUSE, so THAT RANT will have to wait!

Always willing to have any kind of discussion with you lovely 🎨! Either through asks or DMs.

Your conclusions

I’m still confused, but I do think after reviewing things that there is more to MUSE than I think. Especially with stories and theatrics being involved in so much of the concept.

I agree

I really just want to know what MUSE is about. The misunderstanding thing was fun for like a couple days, now it just makes me anxious and stressed. But maybe it was supposed to be like this 😔

JIMIN PLEASE. YOU ARE KILLING US. And this is for sure how it's going to stay. We are getting NOTHING more from him 😭😂

Thank you for actually responding to my first ask so nicely and being willing to have this discussion with me!

Fucking always. But I feel like I didn't actually DO anything for you here and I'm so sorry! I wish I could be more helpful for you in a discussion. Let me know if there are things I can give a more in depth opinion on if I haven't already?? I enjoy talking with you and hearing your thoughts!

~ Storm⛈️

[cxs-workshops]

Hi. I’m the person who almost attempted suicide, twice. Been nearly a year now, it’s out there, I do not care who knows.

Didn’t want to jump in this but here we fucking go: First to be fucking clear, and which no one, might I add. came to me directly to ask, all the the Logan/anon drama was NOT the reason I did why I did what I did. It didn’t help the situation, but it wasn’t the sole reason. I had so much IRL issues going on at the time, and I realize the petty stuff with the anon hate made it seem like it was the only reason but I barely thought about it while I was doing the thing. I have half the mind to bill a certain party the rest of my medical debt but hey, we’re gonna move on.

I cut myself off from fan servers and from most people in the community due to being anxious all the time, thus being alone since late 2023. If I was talking to anyone, it would be purely about the game or art stuff. Snowy & Goons, how DARE you use my situation to your benefit, and any of the posts I’ve made. You cannot outright accuse someone else of my suicide attempt without any concrete evidence. That’s a damn serious accusation. All we have are petty Tumblr anon messages. And ooo guess what, not every single Logan fan is gathered at Simprock, there are plenty of other individuals within the community, outside of fan servers. Who’s to say that your goons aren’t the ones posing as the anons for them to be framed? Idk but you can’t keep talking out of your ass. My harassment started roughly around 2020/21, I can’t even remember who said what at the time and who’s to say the same people are even around anymore. Should I have collected evidence? Seeing how it all came to this, yeah I definitely should have. I don’t have evidence, but most importantly NEITHER DO YOU. Which applies to many things for you.

Simprock was the last server I had joined. During the brief time I was there, was treated with nothing but kindness and respect. I admit, I do still have a sort of distrust with them, for other reasons, but with this it’s hard not to be on their side( and with apparent evidence) . Actually in fact, it was when Snowy had also joined Simprock, I bolted out of there shortly. I wasn’t there long enough to get to know anyone but I saw your name and my skin immediately crawled. We never talked directly but I first saw you in the bootleg my time server (late 2022-mide2023) the vibes were immediately off. I’m not of fan of Logan either but you were constantly belittling them, not cool. To think you’ve escalated this far…baffling.

Back to using my posts to your benefit, the zine post. How the fuck did you immediately accuse them again when I said I wasn’t joining either zines. Again I couldn’t even guess who the anons were but hey, could be your goons posing again. Just because a person liked it immediately meant it was an attack against you? Dude. Reaching aren’t we.

Some days I take a step back, and think. There were several different ways to have handled my harassment, and I was thinking one of those ways was the one you’re taking Snowy, and I can’t begin to imagine it, not even a little. Why? Because this is fucking insane behavior. I wouldn’t have begun to do something like this good gracious. If I made anyone uncomfortable last year anytime after my attempt or during all the hate anon messages, I genuinely didn’t mean to and I apologize. I appreciate more than anything that the lot of you gathered to help me during and afterwards. I’ll always be thankful.

I’m going to cut myself off here before I get pissed again, but one more thing.

F YOU SNOWY I FN KNEW ITBWAS YOU TALKING SHIT ABOUT QUINLAN. I don’t play about my characters and for you to mischaracterize them like this UGH JUST 🖕🖕🖕🖕🖕

Please Leave me Alone

Hi, I’ve been sort of attempting to avoid making a post about this but due to numerous concerned individuals reaching out to me and the amount of receipts that I’ve been given regarding this I have to make one last attempt to address the person who has been doing this to me for the past few months.

I know what you’re doing, and you know it’s dishonest and wrong. This needs to stop. Targeting others and involving them in your personal drama just for interacting with me is unacceptable, and the misinformation and harassment have to end.

I’m giving you the chance to take accountability and tell the truth. If I continue to hear that this behavior is still happening, I’ll have no choice but to address it directly.

I’m not interested in some self-made competition for attention and the drama - I just want to share my love for this game and community together with my friends. Please leave me alone.

For the record: I have never, and will never, send anonymous hate to anyone - especially not over being queer or creating gay art. As a queer minority myself, I stand for marginalized communities and will always support safe, inclusive spaces for everyone.

It’s incredibly unfair to your friends as well, who you have most likely been feeding false versions of the story. It’s also unfair to pull completely uninvolved individuals trying to enjoy their time in this space into this especially when you know that this is untrue- then hide behind alt accounts and your friends, which will unfairly put them in a position where they have been defending someone who has been dishonest to them.

I wanted to believe that you were going through a rough spot and that it led you to doing this in a bad state of mind, but this is becoming excessive and I want you to please use this opportunity to reflect on this because you know what you have been doing is wrong and hurts everyone.

[saturnzskyzz]

Like a Mother would.

Summary: After the Mingle game, Hyung-ju is extremely dealing with the lost of what was once her friend, now deceased by this squid game. Geum-ja sees this and almost instantly cheers her up.

Warning: angst, self doubt, dysphoria??, tickling, and yeh! That's about it! (Not really a warning, but I'm wanting y'all to know that I think the ship Geong-seok and Hyun-ju is a really cute ship, so this fic heavily implies that. Thank you for listening to this short talk🫡) another thing to know (no, we don't know Hyun-ju's family, and no, I'm not implicating that her family was nonsupportive of her transition. This is just a second family type bond!!)

A/N: I'd like to tag @letupabit because I let them see this idea before doing this fic, cause AAAHH Geum-ja heals my mommy issues, and the players deserves cheer up tickles. EAT THIS UP GANG!

| ᴛʜᴇʀᴇ ᴍᴀʏ ᴏʀ ᴍᴀʏ ɴᴏᴛ ʙᴇ ᴀ ᴅᴇᴀᴅ ᴘᴏᴇᴛs sᴏᴄɪᴇᴛʏ ᴇᴀsᴛᴇʀ ᴇɢɢ ɪɴ ᴛʜɪs.. ɪᴛ's ɴᴏᴛ ᴛʜᴇ ᴇxᴀᴄᴛ ǫᴜᴏᴛᴇ, ʙᴜᴛ ɪᴛ's sᴛɪʟʟ ᴀɴ ᴇᴀsᴛᴇʀ ᴇɢɢ ғᴏʀ ᴀʟʟ ᴛʜᴏsᴇ ᴅᴘs ғᴀɴs!! :ᴅ |

(Happy late tickle day! :] I meant to post this on the 31st, but I made this kinda long in the making 😅

Squid game divider

Incredible losses had their unfortunate fate as the players had to play the cruel, agonizing game of Mingle. They were glad that they were finished, but the loss of many didn't cover their comfort for the rest of that evening. Including Hyun-ju.

She lost Young-mi to those sick fucks all because others had pushed her to the ground to get to a stupid door. Oh how she wanted to bash player 333's head into the wall closest to him at that very moment. But she resisted. Dammit, she resisted.

All the players walked out of the arena, and back into their resting area's, or large dormitory as others would assume. With Hyun-ju's adopted group at their designated hang-out spot, she quietly sat in her's, eyeing Young-mi's usual place. Young-mi.. What a kind soul she was?

Hyun-ju thought she couldn't take the burden of loosing her. She was brave. Really brave. Well, it was no lie that she was scared- they were both scared. But with Hyun-ju, standing next to Young-mi, she felt as if she could have Conquered anything when by her side. Now that she's gone..? She felt terrified. Oh Young-mi? What a person she could've been?

Geum-ja felt the sorrow in Hyun-ju's heart. She felt everyone's, actually. The loss of someone who you were destined to stick with till the very end was very familiar for her. That's how she felt with her son. So seeing Hyun-ju sit there in her own melancholy was devastating for Geum-ja. Oh this won't do.

She got up to sit next to the poor girl, and looked at her with gentle eyes, slowly placing a hand onto Hyun-ju's, causing the taller one to look at her with the most saddening of eyes. This broke the mother's heart.

"She was a kind young woman, hun." Geum-ja said soothingly, like a mother, Hyun-ju had quickly thought.

The young woman only nodded, looking back at Young-mi's spot. Growing sadder by the second.

Geum-ja felt so sorry for her. As a mother, she wanted to do everything in her power to just hold her in her palms and to protect her from anything cruel and inhumane if she could. But she knew she couldn't. No metaphor could save the broken souls in this place. Not even Geum-ja.

"How about.. I cheer you up, yeah?" Geum-ja said suddenly, catching Hyun-ju's attention. She now stared at the mother, contemplating the idea of possibly being cheered up be someone who she has only met for three days; but it felt like an eternity that they've been in this fucked up place with nothing but themselves to give comfort. If there is any of that now to help with their sanity of getting out of there.

"I do this a lot with Yong-sik, or eh.. My son! Aha.. You don't have to feel pressured by it, it's your choice dear." Geum-ja reassured the best that she could, hoping that she could help at all for poor Hyun-ju. Anything!

Pondering the idea a bit more, Hyun-ju finally answered in a low and tired tone, yet sweet and kind at the same time. "I.. Wouldn't mind the concept of how you could help. Thank you." With a small, reassuring smile, she turned to face Geum-ja to give her full attention.

Geum-ja smiled at that. Relieved that she could help, she repositioned herself, but not too fast as to possibly startle the woman. "If you ever get uncomfortable, please don't hesitate to stop me at any time, alright?" She said thoroughly to make sure that Hyun-ju has free will. She wants to make her as comfortable as possible after all.

Hyun-ju only nodded that time, kind of confused as to what the mother was talking about, but didn't protest nonetheless. She kind of wanted to know what she had up her sleeve to try and lift up her spirits. If that was even possible in a place like this?

"Could you turn around for me?" Geum-ja calmly said, never once wiping that reassuring smile off her face. Hyun-ju complied, now her back facing Geum-ja.

This grabbed Yong-sik's attention and immediately averted his gaze, knowing what was to come. It's been such a long time since he's received something like that, he almost forgot about the generous offer. Of course, he wasn't feeling jealous of the act, he knew he loved when his mom did that with him. It brought a sense of security and comfort, as well as a closer bond with his mother, so seeing her repeat the offer with someone else who is mourning the loss of their friend, he grew a smile on his face to see his mom always wanting to sooth others from their worries.

Once Geum-ja knew that Hyun-ju was comfortable enough in her spot-deciding to lean on the closest pole of one of the bed frames to her-that's when she got to work. Carefully, and lightly, she began to trace along her back in a repetitive motion.

Unsurprisingly, it was immediately effective. It soothed Hyun-ju almost instantly! the feeling was unexpected at first, but the repetitive back and forth helped her get used to it fairly quickly.

Geum-ja saw the girl in front of her lower her head in satisfaction. Hearing a comfortable sigh, she smiled to herself, thanking that the method was working at least a little bit in Hyun-ju's favor. The mother was still unsure if it was actually working for her or not with the jacket in the way. Oh, This won't do.

"D-do you mind taking off your jacket? I'm unsure if this is really working in your favor if you had the thick layer on." Geum-ja asked respectfully. Hyun-ju understood her question, and agreed to take the jacket off. In one swift motion, she took the jacket and placed it on her lap, allowing Geum-ja to continue her tracing on the now thin layer of the shirt that her and all the other players were put in.

"Thank you, dear." Geum-ja said sweetly, continuing her tracing from before.

The feeling was the same, yet it had a more effective feeling than before because of the jacket. Hyun-ju had noticed this quickly, but it was soothing to feel yet again. Laying against the pole again, she sighed comfortably.

"I just..? I want to thank you. You hardly know me, yet you want to comfort me.." Hyun-ju quietly said, just enough for her to hear.

Geum-ja smiled at that. "Well,, I'm a mother. Mother's attend to whoever is feeling down just to help them get back on their feet, dear." She answered, deciding to use the same up and down motion on her spine, revealing a sharp gasp from the younger. Geum-ja quickly retreated her hand.

"Oh my, are you alright? I'm so sorry, I should've asked if you had any injuries before hand-" she was briefly stopped with a patient hand, as Hyun-ju turned to face her.

"N-no, it's alright! I'm fine. You can continue if you want, I'm just.. A bit sensitive on my spine is all." Hyun-ju admitted kind of quietly. The light blush on her features seemed to make way due to her embarrassment. Geum-ja's worried face turned into a small smile at the discovery.

"Oh? Well, if you want me to continue! I appreciate the reassurance." she gave a few small pats on Hyun-ju's shoulder before continuing. She decided to trace her spine again, but carefully this time. She noticed instantly that hyun-ju was trying to keep her giggles from spurring out.

The woman had a small smile that she couldn't seem to hide away, resulting with her lowering her head down, closest to the pole she was leaning up against.

Geum-ja noticed that each time she'd trace up, her body would arch away from her fingertips, but when she traced down, she'd move back to her normal position just before she'll arch again, but would fight against the instinctive reaction each time. Geum-ja found that quite interesting.

Deciding to enlighten a few giggles out of her, she quickly analyzed where it would tickle most on her spine, and decided to trace her fingers on that spot more than the rest. Almost instantly, she made Hyun-ju melt into a puddle of her own giggles.

They were quick, quiet and breathy. A giggle that Geum-ja never thought she could muster out of her mouth, but they were endearing, and reassuring to hear.

She looked for any uncomfortable movement to cause her to stop her onslaught, but she didn't get anything like that. Hyun-ju just kept close to the pole as a way of leverage, and a sort of grounding, and kept releasing her beautiful sounding giggles.

"I take it that you like this?" Geum-ja broke the nonspeaking silence, causing Hyun-ju to blush a little out of embarrassment.

"Ihihi'm sohohorry.." She apologized quickly, thinking that maybe she's not deserving of such kindful acts.

"Oh this won't do. Hun, you can laugh your heart out! We kind of need to in a place like this to distract ourselves, right?" Geum-ja demonstrated her words by moving her hands closer to Hyun-ju's sides, making her jolt in surprise with a squeal, making her quickly cover her mouth to stop any further ones from coming out.

This caught the attention of Yong-sik and Geong-seok. Yong-sik already knew what was happening, so he turned his head away once again with a smile, and Geong-seok kind of just stared at them, or more so at Hyun-ju. He saw her crumbling into pieces just by Geum-ja's light touch, and it brought a blush of his own. How sweet she sounded, and carefree she was finally letting go? How she was trying, but also not really, to hide her smile? The way that he could just see a glimpse of her features? it adored him. She looked so beautiful. The smile that was creeping up on him was present.

"See? It's okay to laugh. I know you need it anyways, dear!" She said happily, enlightening more giggles to come out of the woman.

Although Hyun-ju was glad she could let loose and laugh, she also felt guilty for letting it out so soon.. Even after the mingle game..

She panicked a little by her thoughts, moving a bit as her mind mad her unsure of the situation. "Ihihi- geheheum- ohohor.. Ehehaha, wait!" the sudden slip up of her name caused her to panick even more, guilty flowing through her heart.

Geum-ja stopped her assault, worried for the young woman all so sudden. "What is it dear? Are you having second thought?"

Hyun-ju was a nervous wreck. She didn't know what to conclude in her head. So, she turned her body a bit to look at the mother with apologetic, and empathetic eyes. "Well.. I-i'm not so sure if laughing right now would be best since.. I mean? It's just.." Hyun-ju was finding it hard to spill out her thoughts. She knew that Geum-ja wouldn't judge, but she held back. She looked at her with worry. How overwhelming this place could be for someone, let alone overthinking things? She felt sorry for her in the most empathetic way.

"I believe that Young-mi would have wanted you to smile, and laugh.. There's too much sorrow in this place, and I'm sure it's driving all of us crazy. If we dristact ourselves from that, it'd be better to get through all of this, yeah?" Geum-ja reassured the best that she could, bringing a hand to softly lay on the woman's knee.

"I um.. I don't know..." Hyun-ju quietly said, looking down at where the mother's hand was laying. She wanted to break free from this dreadful feeling, but the guilt that layed right on top of her heart trapped her from doing so.

"I for one want you to cheer up!" Geum-ja said suddenly, squeezing her knee now. The surprised gasp and chuckle from her shocked the both of them.

"Yohou wouldn't dahare..." Hyun-ju said carefully through suppressed giggles. Geum-ja took that as a challenge.

"As a mother, I would!" Geum-ja said with glee. She started squeezing Hyun-ju's knee repetitively now, resulting in more clear chuckles from Hyun-ju.

"AH-ahaha, hohohold ohohon!" she gripped the offending hand while continuing to lean against the pole, trying to gain an upper hand in the situation, but ultimately failed because she didn't want to accidentally hurt Geum-ja in the process. Thus, resulting with her taking it.

"Yohou seem to be hoholding on just fihine!" Geum-ja couldn't help but giggle with her. Hyun-ju's laughter was just that contagious! And someone seems to be giggling to themselves as well. (Geong-seok, just SIT with them at this point)

The genuine bond seemed to lift up Hyun-ju's spirits a little bit. With all this laughing and releasing her stress and anxieties, she almost felt like she was right at home.

She wanted to move spots, deciding that maybe her sides would be less ticklish? how wrong she was once she darted straight for them.

Hyun-ju felt the ticklish sensation electrify her entire body as she jolted back, a higher squeal coming out of her mouth, causing the woman to blush even deeper as if her face wasn't flushed enough.

"AAH- AhahaAHAaha, O-OhohommahahaAHAaha- uh- Wahahait.." Realising quickly of what she just blurted out, she tried to stop Geum-ja's hands from tickling her further, but she was one step ahead of player-120.

Geum-ja looked at her in shock, retreating her hands after she had hesitated to pull them away in the first place. As she saw the horror on Hyun-ju's face, Geum-ja was quick to bring a reassuring smile, as well as reassuring words.

"Ohoh, dear! No need to make that worried face, it's alright!" She tried to reason, noticing the shock and worry never leaving Hyun-ju's face.

She began to spew out panicked apologies. "I-I'm so sorry.. I didn't mean to call you that,, it just came naturally.." she began to fidget with her hands as she always does when things got overwhelming.

Geum-ja, returning her soft touch back to her knee, never once left the smile that shown proudly on her face. "You can call me mom if you see me as one, you know?" She said, stroking her thumb on her knee now, making sure it didn't enlighten anymore panicked giggles this time.

Hyun-ju looked at her with a confused face this time. "I.. I don't understand.." Hyun-ju said empathetically.

Geum-ja looked at her with the softest of eyes a mother could give. " Well.. There's people in our lives who we look up to as if they were family.. They may act like how an authority figure would act, it's just how our minds see it!" she explained. She never once looked away from Hyun-ju.

"Yeah.. But it's only been a few days since we've known each other, and since.. Well.. The type of place we're in? It's confusing as hell to look up to others in this place.." Hyun-ju spoke with reason, as if she would then talk down on the poor woman who was just trying to sort out her thoughts of the situation.

"Wehell.. Like I said, I'm a mother. No matter how short, or how long you've known me, I'll always think of you as my own.. Cause in this place?" she looked around then, pausing her sentence, "there's gotta be at least someone you should look up to in dire situations like this one, dear." she finished with a smile, like always.

Hyun-ju didn't know what else to say at that point. She was holding back tears by the realization that she was finally recognized as someone who isn't just trans, but as someone's own child. No hesitation. No doubts. She felt accepted. She felt like herself.

All that thought, the woman finally let the tears flow gracefully down her cheeks, letting drops fly from the side of her jawline. When Geum-ja noticed this, she didn't hesitate to pull the woman into her arms, embrasing in what felt like to Hyun-ju, a motherly hug. She allowed herself to fully cry by now. Letting it out, but still holding back on wanting to scream her feelings out.

Geum-ja soothed her by rubbing her hand on her back, like a mother would. Swaying them back and forth a little, like a mother would. Giving hyun-ju the love and care, like a mother would. She gave it all.

"T-thank you.. For this." Hyun-ju finally said after a bit of silence, never once breaking the hug.

"Like I said dear, I'm a mother." Geum-ju said, still having the sweetest smile. She looked over to Yong-sik who finally watched the scene unfold, and she grew her smile at him, letting him know that he has her as well. This caused Yong-sik to smile with her. The cure of a mother's love is so much stronger than the endurance of trying to out live this place.

"She'd be proud, dear." Geum-ja said, softly. Continueing to sway back and forth with Hyun-ju.

[crimeronan]

im a teenager with seasonal depression and a shitty fatigue causing disability and adhd currently still in highschool and: the way you talk abt minors right to autonomy, and How School Sucks, and everything related to that is. The Most Soothing Shit i hear all day. like. reading some of your posts abt how Good graduating early and being a Problem Child was for you was So Damn Calming.

most ppl immediately go to sooth me with the "but you Are smart, and you just need to try harder!! your life isnt entirely ruined today :) just go to school tomorrow and be Good and Learn and you'll be fineee. you aren't one of the bad ones, Dont Worry :))" and that makes me. invent new types of panic attacks and neuroses on the spot.

but having an Actual Adult whos like "no. school can infact be the fucking Torture pit for some people and it is So Utterly Fucked Up how Anyone can make you do Anything, actually. you arent a bad or damaged person this is Normal and your value isnt dependant on Schooliness. do whatever makes you least likely to kill yourself. you dont owe them shit, especially not being Good. be a problem, take up space."

is. genuinely the nicest thing Ever. to me. like. Makes me Kinda Want To Cry nicest thing ever. anyway yea. thanks for that.

ahh, this is lovely to hear. but i'm so sorry you're going through this.

i remember being in high school in 2011 when the gay teen suicides were national headlines, and everyone had Opinions on it, and the "it gets better" trend was everywhere, and -- while those videos did do a lot of good!! -- they just kind of made me more furious?? because i was so mad at all these adults basically saying, "yeah, high school is an institutional pit of death and horror, but eventually you'll be 18!!" i was like hey. Help Us Now.

it was actually the song "make it stop" by rise against that gave me any peace or sense of belonging, because. here was a band i loved full of straight dudes (as far as i know, anyway) who were just fucking MAD. they were righteously angry!! they gave a fuck what was happening!! and lyrics like "the gatherings hold candles but not their tongues" rang SO true to me, as someone who was dealing with endless "oh, so sad he died, but there was something wrong with his brain" discourse.

the memory of that has made it REALLY easy to hold onto my anger in adulthood. because sometimes kids don't need "it'll be fine, just hang on :)" they need "you're gonna be okay, but FUCK ALL THIS."

it's truly fucking Unconscionable to do what we do even to neurotypical, able-bodied teens with good home lives. i want to say i can't imagine being a teen with chronic fatigue and ADHD going to classes eight hours a day.... but i can!! i did that!! and almost died!!

i honestly think the lack of autonomy in the US school system is traumatic For Everybody. different levels of trauma, for sure! but i think that's part of why adults seem so disconnected from our teen years and can't remember the realities of being an adolescent. we overwrite the horrors.

the good news is: it Does get better after school. astonishingly so.

in the meantime: you don't owe anyone Anything. literally your only job right now is to survive. do whatever you need to do to not kill yourself or end up in jail. don't worry about anything else. i promise it Does Not Matter As Much As People Say It Does.

[ghouljams]

To add to Ghoul, I realized I'm on the ace spectrum because I had very similar vibes and was so confused. Any time someone flirted with me sexually I recoiled and pulled back from them completely despite fantasizing about fictional characters and having a healthy sex life with my hand/toys. Somewhere I realized I may be demi and just need a connection with someone before I have sexual feelings for them. May not be the same of course! But also there is nothing wrong with never wanting sex and being a virgin for any reason. Your life is your business but I hope you can find comfort in it.

Very much this. If sex repulses you then that's fine. You don't have to have sex ever if you don't want to. Just because someone else enjoys something doesn't mean you have to or that everyone does.

I will say (and this is not to take away from my asexual siblings' very valid points on the issue of allo-normative expectations under my other post) that if you find sex unappealing one way perhaps we think about it in a different way? I only suggest this because I have a friend who recently was talking to me about how she can't imagine having sex with a man because men are gross and maybe she's asexual because the thought of sex with a man disgusts her, and I was like "hey queen have we considered sex with a woman?" and she had genuinely never considered that.

Nearly 3 decades of life and majority lesbian friends and at no point had this woman even thought about "maybe I would prefer sex with a woman."

Heteronormativity runs incredibly deep and I find a lot of people have never considered that they don't have to do that. Not everyone "just knows" that they're queer, and it's not a matter of exposure to queer people or media or anything like that to make people think about themselves as queer. Sometimes you gotta flip that thinkin' switch manually.

[damnfandomproblems]

Fandom Problem #7390:

I believe someone else has said something like this before, but oh my god, does it suck how much more people care about fictional bisexual men over real life bisexual men. As seen on Tumblr, a lot.

I don't care if someone says it's just a joke when they say they support bi men because [insert fictional man here] exists, the fact almost every post about bi men is full of fans that make it about fictional characters is infuriating. And then you do some research, and most of those same characters are actually headcanons instead of canon characters, fuelled mostly by stereotypes that many of those same fans wouldn't think twice about hating if those same stereotypes were directed at them. There's barely any bi men posts to begin with, and now the number lowers because of this.

Also, the fact is that it shuts down so many potential conversations with actual bi men because apparently bi men are soo privileged for being told at almost every corner that being erased is actually a good thing, the erasure and silence means they don't face bigotry, and to "stop making everything about men" like they don't deserve a space to talk.

Yet a canon bisexual male character either being erased or badly written or hated by audiences earns much more anger than all of this and a lot more posts making it about fiction.

I wish bisexual men posts would stay about real life bisexual men.