#I think I made it clear in the preface that this isn't meant to be mean spirited

[mayajadewrites]

── .✦ Renaissance - Levi Ackerman .✦ ──

🪽 ˚₊· ͟͟͞͞➳ levi x fem reader

summary: levi leaves you in the underground for the scouts, only for him to find you again in marley when the war is over. however, nothing about you is the same as it once was. you are not the same person you were 12 years ago. cw: canon universe, smut, fluff, yearning ao3 authors note: there are several things in this story that are not canon to the original AOT storyline (like Levi needing a wheelchair) but I will warn you if/when those things come up.

CHAPTER NOTES: none hehe

tag list: @ackerboi, @staarflowerr, @midw1nter, @glads-stuff, @nxcxllxsevens, @qrhttp, @deniixlovezelda, @midnightwriter21, @levislegislation, @huriareads, @levikeigosdearest, @nikanaka, @richtofensdich, @sickpatientt, @scrumptioussongpainter, @crmnic, @gojoswifesworld, @bnbaochauuu, @american-girl001, @sparklyglitterangel

preface - chapter one - chapter two - chapter three - chapter four - chapter five

thank you so much for your kind words! i hope you like this chapter, because the next one is gonna be smutty lol

CHAPTER SIX

6 YEARS EARLIER - LEVI'S POV

Comrades dying was nothing new to Levi. Being in the Scout Regiment meant not holding anyone close to you - it's best to assume they will be dead tomorrow.

This time, his own squad was wiped out by the Female Titan. He saw their lifeless, bloody bodies just laying in the dirt, and it felt like their death was for nothing.

No, not nothing. Their deaths have to mean something.

Back at the barracks, Levi is in his office as he takes off his uniform, the soreness of his muscles finally hitting him as he stands still. He had cuts, bruises, but he had his limbs.

As he looked down at his calloused hands, he winced slightly. "Tch."

When he looked away, his eyes fell on a piece of paper that is always folded in his pocket. He left it on his desk after his last training, seemingly forgetting to bring it on this mission.

Maybe that's why...

"A piece of paper isn't why people die, you dumb bastard." Levi muttered to himself, picking up the piece of paper.

The paper had been crumbled, some dirt stains, but it was in tact.

Levi sat in his office chair, hearing the soft squeak - a sign of it's old age. When he opened the paper, he let out a breath he didn't know he was holding.

Levi,

I'm not sure if you'll ever read this, or if you'll even find it. I hid it in your bag. It hurts me to write this, but I know you're destined for greatness, Levi. You are going to be an amazing addition to the Scouts.

I'll miss you, probably more than I'd ever admit to your face.

I hope we can find each other again someday. A day when there's no titans, and a day when we're not living in the Underground.

With love 💋

The letter was signed with your name and a lipstick mark of your lips next to it, which he tried to preserve. His eyes scanned the letter for the umpteenth time - he always reads it when he wants to feel closer to you.

He folded the letter neatly, putting it back in his pocket as he sighed, his palms pressing to the top of the desk, the cold wood against his skin.

Every week Levi would send cadets out to find you and check on you. They said you never noticed them, which didn't surprise Levi in the slightest. You're rather... oblivious.

"Captain, why the hell do you have us following some girl around?" Connie whined as he walked back in from the weekly errand.

"Any notes?" He ignored his whines, his eyes scanning the cadets faces. "Answer me."

"She works in a brothel now, I think." Sasha put one hand on her hip, the other taking a bite out of an apple. "We saw her walk in with some man."

Levi's heart sank, though his expression would never show it. He always feared this would happen. Its inevitable in the Underground for women.

"I see." Levi nods, clearing his throat. "Thank you."

Connie and Sasha shrug as they walk past Levi, and he lets his posture falter just a little.

As years went on, he still kept that note. He made sure he kept it no matter where he went. Whatever missions he went on. When he fought the Beast Titan the first time, you were right there with him in his pocket.

When he lost his eye and two fingers, you were also there.

When titans were finally, finally eradicated, you were there.

He never wanted to be without you.

READERS POV

You stand outside the teashop, patiently waiting for Levi to close up. You're wearing a new black dress you got at a small boutique near by, and you felt pretty. Pure, for once.

When you look up, Levi's back is to you as he locks the door, shaking the doorknob to make sure it's actually closed. You peer down at his hand, noticing the healed scars along his digits.

He turned to you, his stormy eyes finding yours as his gaze softens slightly. He's still the rough around the edges Levi, but whenever he looked at you a part of him softened.

"Ready?" He held his arm out for you, putting the keys to the shop in his pocket.

You wrap your hand around his bicep, following his lead as he walked down the path.

"Where are you taking me?"

"To a place that reminds me of you." He half smiles, his eyes wandering down your figure. "New dress?"

"Mhm." You give him a smile as you pose for him, laughing before wrapping your other hand around his bicep along with the other one.

"You look beautiful." His voice was soft, only you could hear it. A blush burnt your cheeks as you looked ahead.

"Thank you."

It's almost dusk - the sun setting beautifully on the horizon. You've been walking for about 15 minutes when you reach a field. A field filled with flowers.

"Levi, what is this -"

"I've been helping the town with this for awhile. Since before I knew you were here, but -" He glanced down at the rows of flowers, some of them already blooming. "You always loved flowers."

You gasp, kneeling down to look at the petals closely. The colors are beautiful - some red, some white, some orange, pink...

"They're stunning, Levi." You let go of his bicep fully to smell the flowers, closing your eyes as a hum escapes your lips. "We never had flowers in the Underground."

"I know." His hands pushed into his pockets, tilting his head slightly as he watches you. "Do you like them?"

"I love them, Levi." When you stand up again, he takes your hands in his as he helps you up.

In the middle of the field, it's just you and him. The sound of the wildlife can be heard in the trees, slight buzzing from insects.

He brings his hand to your cheek with the softest touch, his finger pushing a piece of your hair behind your ear.

Levi looks so soft. Like an angel sent just for you.

For once, you lean into his touch. Your eyes flutter closed when you feel his lips on your cheek, his warm lips igniting a shiver down your body.

You gasp softly when you open your eyes to look at him, only for his thumb to gently caress your skin. "I'm not leaving you ever again."

[crash476]

Thoughts on Andor and Spy Fiction

I want to preface this by saying that I appreciate the aims of Andor, and I do think that the first season succeeded in breaking away from Joseph Campbell's monomyth, while being a clear-eyed examination of how a fascist regime works. Especially from the perspective of ordinary people. But... I am a Rogue One fan first and foremost. And the second season was pretty bad. It was a four season story in one and that's the tip of the iceberg.

I was always bothered by the changes made to Cassian's backstory; they didn't feel right and contradicted what was established in the film. One gets the sense that Chris Weitz, Gary Whitta, and Gareth Edwards had a very different concept of who Cassian was and were likely pulling from different spy fiction than Tony Gilroy. @ruby-red-inky-blue made a good point that Rogue One Cassian is a John le Carré spy, while Andor Cassian is a James Bond/Jason Bourne type. There's a really good book about 1960s British spy novels called Kiss Kiss, Bang Bang by Mike Ripley. One of Ripley's observations is that spy novels of the period could be divided into "spy fantasy" as established by Ian Fleming, and what I call "spy realism," who's king will always be John le Carré.

Bond is the embodiment of post-Imperial British male fantasies. Fleming was an intelligence officer in the Royal Navy who spent WWII as a desk jockey. He was the guy planning the missions that his cousin Sir Christopher Lee (an agent of the Special Operations Executive) would go on. Bond was born from his frustrated desire to get into the field. Thus, Bond is a power fantasy. And Jason Bourne is an American equivalent. I haven't delved deep into Robert Ludlum, but from what I gleaned, he seemed to be a more conspiracy minded writer. Bourne is clearly a product of the revelations about MKUltra. Even then, Bourne plays into American male power fantasies. Bond longs for the days of Empire and sophistication, Bourne embodies the hyper individualism of America.

John le Carré (born David Cornwell) was an intelligence officer like Fleming, but a generation younger - his superiors at MI5 and MI6 would have been Fleming's peers. The Spy Who Came in from the Cold was considered wildly subversive in 1963 because Le Carré wrote characters who were "breathtakingly ordinary." His spies are humans, first and foremost. They don't do any impeccably choreographed fight scenes marred by shaky-cam. There's no gadgets. If anything, it's a lot of detective work - espionage and mysteries are genre cousins, imo. Le Carré spies are good at their jobs, but are world weary and exhausted. Being as spy is presented in the least sexy way possible. Other writers like Len Deighton with his working class heroes would follow, along with tv series like Callan and The Sandbaggers. Bit of a tangent, but the creator of The Sandbaggers, Ian Mackintosh, disappeared in the Gulf of Alaska and there's rumours that he was Soviet of Chinese spy. If you want to learn more, Diamanda Hagan has a great video on Mackintosh and The Sandbaggers.

Unlike the spy fantasies, the appeal of spy realism is the promise of a peak behind the curtain. A lot of these books trade on the author's credentials as an insider and knowledge of how the intelligence world works. Now this can cross over with the spy fantasy realm - I would say that's one reason why The Bourne Identity was so popular was because it had the aesthetics of a spy realism film, but was a spy fantasy through and through. It's a have your cake and eat it sort of franchise. But spy realism isn't meant to be glamorous like spy fantasy. Spy realism doesn't really spectacle the way spy fantasy does. Spy realism simply isn't blockbuster fare, but if done right it wins awards. I wouldn't be surprised if Disney was sold a Bourne style series because, not to be insulting to the Americans, but that approach does appeal to American male power fantasies even more than Bond approach. And definitely more appealing than pure spy realism.

This leads me, ultimately, to where I think things went wrong with Cassian. A lot of ink has been spilled about the troubled production of Rogue One and the issues Edwards, and the rest of the writing team allegedly had with Gilroy. But Rogue One wasn't the first time Gilroy has had issues with other creative teams. He had a falling out with Matt Damon and Paul Greenrass over the Bourne films. It's why the franchise is the way it is now. Now Gilroy and Damon have buried the hatchet, but that doesn't seem to be the case with Greengrass. There was this sort of fragmentation in vision and really should have ended with The Bourne Ultimatum.

Looping this back to Andor, I have a hunch that even than playing with his new favourite character, Tony Gilroy really wanted another crack at Jason Bourne without the interference of Damon and Greengrass. Gilroy's famous for writing "director and actor proof" scripts after all. This is so apparent in the second season where Cassian becomes less of a human and more of a cipher. I will always love Identity the most because outside of his super spy mode, Jason is kind of sweet and dorky. I don't know, that's just my opinion. But as the movies progress, Bourne becomes less and less human. He becomes a force of nature no one can stop. And there's a lot of men who would love to be like that.

The spy who I think Cassian should have been modelled after is Alec Leamas of The Spy Who Came in from the Cold. If you haven't read it, or seen the 1965 film with Richard Burton, you should. It's a gorgeous film with amazing acting, honestly one of the last greats of the black and white era. Like it's part of the Criterion Collection. This scene about the nature of spies is so good: "What do you think spies are?".

I have no idea if Edwards, Whitta, and Weitz ever read the book or watched the film when they coming up with Cassian. I'm far more certain they were influenced by The Guns of Navarone (it's another film that if you haven't seen it, you should). the version of him in Rogue One could easily be a Leamas in the middle of his career. Not quite cynical and burnt out enough to give Leamas' last speech, but getting there before he meets Jyn, Chirrut, Baze, and Bodhi. At the same time, Leamas has a great sense of humanity. There's a line early on in the book after Control talks about intelligence organizations needing to be as ruthless as their enemies, and while Leamas agrees with Control, it's for very different reasons. The paragraph goes, "Leamas saw. He saw the long road outside Rotterdam, the long straight road beside the dunes, and the stream of refugees moving along it; saw the little aeroplane miles away, the procession stop and look towards it; and the plane coming in, nearly over the dunes; saw the chaos, the meaningless hell, as the bombs hit the road."

Honestly, Cassian in season one had that sense of humanity, even if his instincts are telling him to run and hide. But the point of season one of Andor was that you can't run and hide from fascism. It's the same thing as that supposed Trotsky quote, "You may not be interested in war, but war is interested in you." Season two seems to lack a point for Cassian. He's Cassian Goddamn Andor now who's biggest badass spy in the Rebellion. That Cassian wouldn't be able to get volunteers to join Jyn and the Rogue One crew to go to Scarif. That Cassian couldn't do that out of a budding love for Jyn that reminds me T. E. Lawrence's dedication to Selim "Dahoum" Ahmed, "I loved you, so I drew these tides of men into my hands / and wrote my will across the sky in stars / To earn you Freedom, the seven-pillared worthy house, that your eyes might be shining for me / When we came."

[ladynecropolis]

this is a post about charlie pace: this wasn't a story about redemption.

so I started thinking a lot about him recently cause of some discussion I've been having and i thought I'd make some of my more complex opinions about his character arc known.

to preface this, I have to say 1: I am biased in his favor because he's my favorite character in the show. i will not pretend anything I'm about to say here is objectively correct, he's my little man. and 2: this post contains spoilers for like, his entire storyline? reader discretion is advised.

charlie pace, of all the characters I've ever truly loved, might be the most chronically misunderstood character I have ever known. this is in part about people who dislike him, but I honestly see it more often with people who do like him. he's frequently treated like a totally innocent victim of circumstance, for one thing, a total sweetheart who gets treated unfairly by the people around him and winds up having to earn their respect in the end, through a heroic act of self-sacrifice. on the other hand, it's also very easy to take that concept and twist it into some sort of redemption, claiming that his martyrdom was the ending of his character's journey from darkness to light, or whatever. that this was somehow absolution, the only way he could be forgiven for the mistakes he's made his entire life.

and to me, this feels...wrong. it feels like a failure to fully grasp the weight of his final decision, reducing it to something as simple as a final moment of redemption, when his arc...isn't about redemption. it was never about redeeming himself; he wasn't a character who needed to be redeemed. and to claim that he was feels like a fundamental misinterpretation of one of the central themes of his entire character.

so let's backtrack a bit—I want to talk about his character in season one.

in season one, at first, he's largely shown to be...well, kind of an asshole. he's definitely meant to be one of the more unserious types in the group, and he's very quickly understood by other characters to be someone you just don't take seriously, what with all his talk, and he falls into this spot within the social dynamic that immediately marks him as a sort of...unspoken burden. he falls in with the people who aren't immediately useful and thus are there to be protected and not to protect. (this is part of his bond with claire, more on that later.) and there's definitely a sense that he'd rather not be there—he's someone who wants very badly to be taken seriously, and can't be. this is the beginning of the very clear bitterness and jealousy he displays throughout his entire time on the show.

he's also...incredibly self absorbed in a way that probably has one of the biggest impacts on his personal relationships. he has a tendency to take things as personal slights when they really aren't about him at all, and a lot of his motivations early on are primarily selfish. the thing I always, always source when talking about this is the scene early on where someone is drowning and charlie lies saying that he can't swim, when the truth is he just didn't want to get his heroin wet; the fact that he can, in fact, swim, is very important.

and that leads me to the third important thing about his character early on, which is, of course, the heroin abuse.

which at the time is an extremely important aspect of his character, the arc where he's pressured by locke into quitting juxtaposed with the story of why he started using to begin with, and it's meant to be such a massive triumph for his character that he's able to overcome this. but, like, the way this is treated narratively, it's more of a symbol than an actual part of the story on its own. ( @lost-inanotherlife makes an excellent point about this in her own post here.) but more on that later.

charlies character takes a fascinating turn later in season one during the ethan rom arc, and one that really solidified him as my favorite the first time I saw it. this is the arc where we are introduced the the concept of the Others, and it becomes a massive threat to claire in particular. yes, they do wound charlie personally, too (specifically, he gets hanged in a tree, which was insane), but this isn't about that, because that doesn't matter to him as much. let me explain.

in the episode homecoming, we see a very washed up charlie, a charlie who has been reduced to stealing from people for heroin money. and then we see him meet somebody who he genuinely wants to care for. this person is, however, somebody he is supposed to be stealing from. this ends disastrously, another failure by charlie to do the right thing, another glaring reminder for him that he can't take care of anyone. this is paralleled with his story with claire here, where he is haunted by his failure to protect her from ethan, and that failure, that guilt and subsequent anger as he pins it on ethan, is why ethan rom is killed.

it's honestly a very strong moment for me with his character, because of everything it tells us—how badly he wants to be able to care for someone, and how much it frightens him when he can't.

in season two, this concept comes together with the narrative device that is his prior heroin dependency.

largely, in the story, his heroin dependency is used as a symbol of several aspects in his life, a major one being the fact that he isn't taken seriously by anybody. he starts using because he feels uncared for/unloved by his brother, who, as it happens, also seems to care more for the heroin than he does for charlie. (even after his brother cleans up his act, charlie doesn't stop—which serves as a different symbol altogether. more on that later.) and when charlie starts having..even more problems in season 2, what does it come back to, of course, but the heroin.

it's important to note that he does not relapse. it's also important to note that every time he has a serious issue in this arc, everyone assumes that he has, and as a result he will not be listened to. which is obviously unfair. his already precarious social status is on a knife's edge, and he winds up destroying his relationship with claire, even before his breakdown.

now I get to talk about fire+water. my favorite! buckle in.

fire+water is a pretty dramatic culmination both of the idea of Not Being Listened To and of the desire to protect something. in this case, aaron. it very aggressively brings out charlies fear that he won't be able to save anything , ever—that his presence is worthless at best and makes things worse at worst. and he tries so hard to do the right thing. or at least what he's convinced it is. but his attempts at being a protector here just make him a threat. he isn't heard, because when it's charlie, it must be the bloody drugs, right?

he's convinced he has to save aaron, from...something. it's a very catholic episode—I mean, this is lost, right? but really, it's no coincidence that this happened when it did, and it's no coincidence that this carried the themes it did. the idea that the only way to save the baby is to baptize him—that idea, coming to charlie through those visions? the dream he has, where he, as a child, essentially is told by his parents that he's going to have to be the one to save their family. of course, he can't even save himself.

which is probably the most important part of it all—he can't save himself, and that means he cant save anything else, either, can he? the episode brings to light this troubling circular thing within him. he knows, from a very early point, that he's ruined his own chances of being saved, but he still wants to believe there's hope, so he tries to protect something else because maybe, maybe, if he can do that, there's hope for him, too.

the baptism thing is interesting. this particular interpretation was brought to my attention by the very lovely @bagelcult to whom I owe this and much more—the desire to absolve the baby of sin takes on a fascinating angle when you consider the idea that charlie views himself as being full of the stuff. sin, that is. it begs the question—is he trying to save the baby from himself? is his innate understanding that he is always crashing and burning the reason why? if he can save someone else from himself, is it possible he could save himself, too?

in the end, he fails, and is punished for it severely. because he's not a protector, of course. he will never have that respect.

he spends the rest of season two bitter and lonely, but this isn't about that. he'd probably have found a different reason to be bitter and lonely anyway. that's just how he rolls

but things get really interesting again with regards to his doomed status when desmond hume enters the scene—this one's another favorite of mine.

desmond exists in the narrative of charlie pace as a kind of memento mori. he's here as a both a victim and a symbol of the fate that will inevitably befall charlie, and he spends the entire season trying to save him, hereby proving that he can't be saved. it's all very sisyphean.

(heres a parallel for your consideration: what if desmond wants to save charlie to prove the narrative can be altered? what if he wants to save himself, too?)

much of this is a back and forth fight between knowing what must happen and wanting to stop it anyway. there's a lot I could say here about that, because I've thought so much about des and charlie that it's probably giving me brain damage, but that's for a later post. what it boils down to is blind desperation, and eventual acceptance. charlie reaches acceptance before desmond does.

because charlie has known within him for a very long time that he was doomed, even before all this. he was teetering in the balance of fate for such a long time now, and des exists as the last thread holding charlie back from oblivion. it creates an extremely unstable tether that they both know must be cut, but one of them is refusing to let go.

which is why it's very, very important to me that charlies death was a decision he made. instead of allowing desmond to take his place, he is resigned to what must happen now.

and a part of that is acceptance that he was doomed from the start, but a part of that is also, I think, still his need to save something. he'd sacrifice himself just for the possibility he might be able to protect the people dear to him, because all he ever wanted was to be able to do that. and it settles pretty much his biggest thing; no, he can't save himself, but that doesn't mean he can't save you.

so, you might be asking yourself now: hey, nicky, what the hell are you talking about?

what I'm saying here is that this isn't a matter of redemption. that's a lazy way to look at it, honestly. to say this is a matter of redemption implies that charlie is someone who needed to be redeemed, and he didn't. he wasn't (on a moral level) ever low enough to need to be raised higher. he mightve, to a point, believed himself to be as such, but that was never the point with him. for all his character development into the sort of person who would do this, it was something that was, to an extent, always with him. it's not a story about how someone like him must die to be forgiven. it's far more complex than that. it's moreso about proving that he can, despite how everything in his life was always pushing him toward a bitter end, ultimately do good for someone else, even though he was made to believe he couldn't. it's about looking your inevitable doom in the eye and saying you're gonna make this count. he's allowed to own his death in the end, and it's not about somehow repairing his moral worth. lost is a show about cycles, and he intended to break one, because he couldn't break his own.

as for the use of drug dependency as a symbol of that, well, again, there's a much better post about that linked in a previous paragraph. the optics of that suck. but it's moreso a product of the writers just overlooking it, i think. the idea that his drug dependency serves as a symbol of his downfall might be a sloppy writing choice. if you see it that way. but I kind of don't. I mostly saw the drug thing as being about his loneliness, which is a separate issue. I mean, he quits. like, in the story. maybe a part of that ties into the ultimate thing with him; there's a decision that has to be made, and that's the only way you can break the cycle.

or something.

I dunno, I think about him a lot. I've always been of the opinion that he was supposed to die in the crash, honestly.

I know this sounds like I'm giving the writers a lot of credit, so let me just say...no. lmao. I don't know if the writers intended any of this. with the sheer amount of shit they totally fumbled on this show, there's every likelihood that the majority of the things I just said were completely by accident. but, hey, art is what we make of it! you bring your own baggage to the fictional media and call it analysis.

I think that's all I had to say on that. thanks for taking a look. feel free to argue with me, that's what I log on for!

[hollowed-theory-hall]

The Riddle of Tom Riddle: Part 3/7

(Part 1, Part 2, Part 4, Part 5, Part 6, Part 7)

Wool's Orphanage

This is actually one of my favorite theories I ever made. The full psychoanalysis of Voldemort's character took some time to figure out, but I think I cracked it. I know why Tom did everything he did.

As it's a little long, I've broken it down into multiple posts. And I think there are gonna be 4 more besides this one. So, let's go make sense of Voldemort and prove he is reasonable, he just has some unexpected goals.

I want to preface all of this (and future posts) that the point isn't to excuse Voldemort and his various atrocities. But it bothers me when I don't understand why characters do the things they do. This is about understanding Tom Riddle and Voldemort.

Without farther adu:

So, we'll start our analysis from the beginning. Voldemort, or, more correctly — Tom Marvolo Riddle was born on December 31st, 1926, in a rundown orphanage in London:

“And Merope? She . . . she died, didn’t she? Wasn’t Voldemort brought up in an orphanage?” “Yes, indeed,” said Dumbledore. “We must do a certain amount of guessing here, although I do not think it is difficult to deduce what happened. You see, within a few months of their runaway marriage, Tom Riddle reappeared at the manor house in Little Hangleton without his wife. The rumor flew around the neighborhood that he was talking of being ‘hoodwinked’ and ‘taken in.’ What he meant, I am sure, is that he had been under an enchantment that had now lifted, though I daresay he did not dare use those precise words for fear of being thought insane. When they heard what he was saying, however, the villagers guessed that Merope had lied to Tom Riddle, pretending that she was going to have his baby, and that he had married her for this reason.” “But she did have his baby.” “But not until a year after they were married. Tom Riddle left her while she was still pregnant.”

(Half-Blood Prince, page, 214)

So, one important little disclaimer:

A lot of the information we have about Tom comes from Dumbledore's guesswork. As Dumbledore has an agenda in all his "lessons" with Harry and that I have a whole series of posts dedicated to my strong feelings regarding Dumbledore's machinations, we need to approach everything he says with a grain of salt.

This part is pretty true though. Merope does enchant or dose Tom Riddle Sr with a love potion or some other spell and gets pregnant. We also know that for some reason, she stopped with the enchantments/potions at some point and wound up alone in London, with no family, no money, and on death's door.

“I was wondering whether you could tell me anything of Tom Riddle’s history? I think he was born here in the orphanage?” “That’s right,” said Mrs. Cole, helping herself to more gin. “I remember it clear as anything, because I’d just started here myself. New Year’s Eve and bitter cold, snowing, you know. Nasty night. And this girl, not much older than I was myself at the time, came staggering up the front steps. Well, she wasn’t the first. We took her in, and she had the baby within the hour. And she was dead in another hour.”

(Half-Blood Prince, page 266)

This is from Dumbledore's memory, but it seems factual enough. Dumbledore also has no reason to lie about this.

So, Tom was raised all his childhood in a London orphanage in the late 1920s and 1930s. These orphanages were dreary, lonely places:

The children are fed and clothed but there is a dreary uniformity to the picture, emphasised by the black and white image. Boys eat in regimental lines, seated on hard benches, and those waiting to sit down are also assembled in a strict line. The attendants you can glimpse are dressed in black and white uniforms, a stark echo of the grey and black of the boys’ clothes. A few pictures adorn the walls – one looks as though it’s about to fall to the ground – but there are no curtains, no floor covering, no comfort.

(Source)

This was not a pleasant place to be raised in. And considering Mrs. Cole's words: "Well, she wasn’t the first", the orphanage was probably crowded. This was after World War One, and Britain and Europe as a whole were still licking their wounds. Poverty is high, food is low, and the inflation rate is insane.

And this is the world Tom grows up in. A dreary, lonely existence, where if he didn't fight for his food, he probably didn't get left any.

And when the Second World War started in 1939 (his second year at Hogwarts), things just got worse, but I'm getting ahead of myself.

Then she said, “He’s a funny boy.” “Yes,” said Dumbledore. “I thought he might be.” “He was a funny baby too. He hardly ever cried, you know. And then, when he got a little older, he was . . . odd.”

...

because she said in a sudden rush, “He scares the other children.” “You mean he is a bully?” asked Dumbledore. “I think he must be,” said Mrs. Cole, frowning slightly, “but it’s very hard to catch him at it. There have been incidents. . . . Nasty things . . .” Dumbledore did not press her, though Harry could tell that he was interested. She took yet another gulp of gin and her rosy cheeks grew rosier still. “Billy Stubbs’s rabbit . . . well, Tom said he didn’t do it and I don’t see how he could have done, but even so, it didn’t hang itself from the rafters, did it?” “I shouldn’t think so, no,” said Dumbledore quietly. “But I’m jiggered if I know how he got up there to do it. All I know is he and Billy had argued the day before. And then” — Mrs. Cole took another swig of gin, slopping a little over her chin this time — “on the summer outing — we take them out, you know, once a year, to the countryside or to the seaside — well, Amy Benson and Dennis Bishop were never quite right afterwards, and all we ever got out of them was that they’d gone into a cave with Tom Riddle. He swore they’d just gone exploring, but something happened in there, I’m sure of it. And, well, there have been a lot of things, funny things. . . .”

(Half-Blood Prince, pages 267-268)

We learn some interesting things here, quite a few of them actually. That Tom doesn't have any friends. That the other orphans and the caretakers in the orphanage all think he's weird. They thought he was odd since he was a baby... and this is starting to get familiar. there's a reason Tom mentioned he and Hary are similar:

Because there are strange likenesses between us, Harry Potter. Even you must have noticed. Both half-bloods, orphans, raised by Muggles. Probably the only two Parselmouths to come to Hogwarts since the great Slytherin himself. We even look something alike. . . .

(Chamber of Secrets, page 292)

Because they are.

From Mrs. Cole's words, it seems Tom wasn't liked by the kids and staff and he fought back in the only way he could. His magic. It isn't that much different than Harry's apparating away from Dudley's gang or setting the boa constrictor on his cousin. The situations are awfully similar.

“How do you do, Tom?” said Dumbledore, walking forward and holding out his hand. The boy hesitated, then took it, and they shook hands. Dumbledore drew up the hard wooden chair beside Riddle, so that the pair of them looked rather like a hospital patient and visitor. “I am Professor Dumbledore.” “ ‘Professor’?” repeated Riddle. He looked wary. “Is that like ‘doctor’? What are you here for? Did she get you in to have a look at me?” He was pointing at the door through which Mrs. Cole had just left. “No, no,” said Dumbledore, smiling. “I don’t believe you,” said Riddle. “She wants me looked at, doesn’t she? Tell the truth!” He spoke the last three words with a ringing force that was almost shocking. It was a command, and it sounded as though he had given it many times before. His eyes had widened and he was glaring at Dumbledore, who made no response except to continue smiling pleasantly. After a few seconds Riddle stopped glaring, though he looked, if anything, warier still. “Who are you?” “I have told you. My name is Professor Dumbledore and I work at a school called Hogwarts. I have come to offer you a place at my school — your new school, if you would like to come.” Riddle’s reaction to this was most surprising. He leapt from the bed and backed away from Dumbledore, looking furious. “You can’t kid me! The asylum, that’s where you’re from, isn’t it? ‘Professor,’ yes, of course — well, I’m not going, see? That old cat’s the one who should be in the asylum. I never did anything to little Amy Benson or Dennis Bishop, and you can ask them, they’ll tell you!” “I am not from the asylum,” said Dumbledore patiently. “I am a teacher and, if you will sit down calmly, I shall tell you about Hogwarts. Of course, if you would rather not come to the school, nobody will force you —” “I’d like to see them try,” sneered Riddle.

(Half-Blood Prince, pages 269-270)

Now, I marked a few sections in this scene because there are some interesting things to talk about when it comes to Tom's psychology.

First, I'd like to talk about Tom's assumptions here. The first thing Tom assumes the moment Dumbledore introduces himself as a "professor" is that he is here to take a look at Tom — to take him away to the Asylum. Considering how quickly Tom came to that conclusion one has to assume it's something he heard before.

It means the people around him, probably both the caretakers at the orphanage and the other children repeatedly told him he was insane and would be better off at the Asylum. He spent his childhood being told he belonged in a madhouse.

I don't think I need to explain what kind of damage that does to a child. Tom grows up completely isolated from his peers and caretakers, everyone hates him because he is different. So Tom latched on to the idea that he was better. Because if he was different, and he was, and he wasn't better, it meant he was worse than them — it meant they were right about him. Tom thinking overly highly of himself is a coping mechanism and a lie (to himself most of all).

The thing is, while he is aware he is smart and capable, we'll see later in his life how he continuously seeks out validation and connection since he didn't get either until he was eleven. And like any child, he wants these things, he wants praise, attention, and connection. Telling himself he is better, and therefore above such needs, is a way to try and convince himself everything is fine.

The second thing from the above quote is his trust issues. Dumbledore tries to tell him he isn't taking him to the Asylum and Tom doesn't believe him. He immediately goes on the defensive.

As of Mrs. Cole's previous words, it's clear she blames Tom for things she has no evidence he did. And if we look at Harry's cases of accidental magic that harmed Dudley, a lot of them were out of his control. It's possible Tom wasn't completely intentional in everything he did, but took credit anyway if it meant the other kids left him alone and didn't bother him.

"|'d like to see them try," Tom said, he is already using fear. That is just as much a coping mechanism as his trust issues and air of superiority. When kids fear you, they don't bother you. If Amy and Dannis feared him they'd stop calling him a nut-case — If they feared him, they wouldn't bother him.

And Tom is used to his magic allowing him to get his way, forcing people to tell him the truth in an accidental version of the Imperious. It's important to remember he is a young child on the defensive. He has been on the defensive probably since he could comprehend language. As such, I'm not surprised to see him use his magic to make people treat him better — or at the bare minimum, not lie to him.

All I see from the above interaction is a scared, lonely child who never had anyone so he's on the defensive. He guards his heart and interests with all the weapons he has at his disposal because he has no one else who will. This is a child that needs help.

“Magic?” he repeated in a whisper. “That’s right,” said Dumbledore. “It’s . . . it’s magic, what I can do?” “What is it that you can do?” “All sorts,” breathed Riddle. A flush of excitement was rising up his neck into his hollow cheeks; he looked fevered. “I can make things move without touching them. I can make animals do what I want them to do, without training them. I can make bad things happen to people who annoy me. I can make them hurt if I want to.” His legs were trembling. He stumbled forward and sat down on the bed again, staring at his hands, his head bowed as though in prayer. “I knew I was different,” he whispered to his own quivering fingers. “I knew I was special. Always, I knew there was something.”

(Half-Blood Prince, page 271)

What we see here is actually really cute. Okay.

So, Tom Riddle, lonely and mistreated finally gets the confirmation that yes, he is special, not insane, he is better like he always tried to convince himself he was. So he immediately gets excited and starts gushing — boasting — about all the magic he can do. He's flushed and fevered and happy.

He is so excited to share this with someone else, to have someone like him, who understands him. He was elated at Dumbledore's existence at that moment.

This is a lonely 11-year-old child who never had a friend or kind caregiver in his life, trying to connect to the first adult to not call him insane. The first adult to tell him he was special, that he wasn't wrong.

And then Dumbledore speaks down to him and pretends to set all his (very few) belongings on fire.

Dumbledore raised his eyebrows. “If, as I take it, you are accepting your place at Hogwarts —” “Of course I am!” “Then you will address me as ‘Professor’ or ‘sir.’ ” Riddle’s expression hardened for the most fleeting moment before he said, in an unrecognizably polite voice, “I’m sorry, sir. I meant — please, Professor, could you show me — ?”

(Half-Blood Prince, pages 271-272)

This is the moment Dumbledore made his greatest mistake when it came to Tom Riddle. Instead of trying to direct him and help him like an educator, he showed his dislike for Tom. He thought Tom to close up his heart, that even among wizards he would not find this connection he seeks.

So Tom hardens his expression and goes to the cold, polite, distant mask we'll see him wear for the rest of his Hogwarts years.

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

Hi everybody.

So to preface: I've already been told that this is something I shouldn't fret about by a few of my friends, but I'm just a bit worried about it.

AITA for me (16M) making one of my friends (16M) uncomfortable?

I didn't really mean to make him uncomfortable, because I care a lot about this guy. I can go on a whole tirade about how I want to spend my time with him (not romantically or anything). He's a lot more introverted than I am, and a bit less expressive (though in comparison to me, a lot of the time people seem not as expressive as I am).

But I made him uncomfortable because I talked a little bit about how, when I first met him, I didn't think he was cis (we met online). It was because of the online space we were in and the fact that I didn't talk to/meet to a lot of cis people online, and I thought it was a bit funny that I thought that because it wasn't the case. I myself am not cis, which is usually why I find myself mostly involving myself with other trans people.

Though, this comment did make him uncomfortable. I didn't properly explain why I thought this (I didn't explain at all, initially, because I didn't know how to, but after he got uncomfortable I did try to explain). He said that the reason it made him uncomfortable is that he didn't like being put into those sorts of boxes (which isn't what I meant at all, and I didn't want it to seem like that; it was just something I was mostly used to so I made the assumption).

I apologized to him (though I also didn't realize he was uncomfortable when he first said it), and he stated offhandedly that, "this was why he didn't share his interests to people" which made me feel even worse, because I want to be there for him and listen to him talk about his interests.

I didn't know that he was going to be uncomfortable with my comment, nor did I want him to be uncomfortable whatsoever.

After I apologized to him a bit more (I was really nervous, and I felt so guilty about it), he said I didn't need to apologize, and that acknowledging that I made him uncomfortable was all that he needed. I still feel bad about this (I'm not very good at apologizing to people, as I'm a bit inarticulate with these sorts of confrontations). We moved on, and went back to talking to how we usually did, though still.

I also fully acknowledge that I likely shouldn't be making assumptions like that. I've lessened those assumptions a lot, as I had met him awhile ago. Now I pretty much just don't have opinions on other people outside of how they are personality-wise. I do believe I am in the wrong for making the assumption in the first place, and making the joke, but it would be nice for an outside opinion that also aren't my friends (as they may be biased to me not being in the wrong).

(I hope that this was enough information, because sometimes I tend to not be entirely clear/tend to be vague with what it is I am talking about, because I forget people aren't going to be able to know the scope of what it is that is going on.

I'm also not really used to this sort of worry, since I usually don't feel like this about a lot of things. This post may make it seem like I'm a bit of a pushover/over-apologizes? I feel like this is one of the few times I apologized a bit much, really. I just care about him a lot.)

AITA?

What are these acronyms?

[fauna-n-fiction]

Bridgerton Watch Diaries S1E3

Welcome back to an unemployed, out-of-touch, charlatan watching Bridgerton for the first time. I am not part of the fandom. I haven't read the books. These are my first impressions, thoughts, and maybe even predictions about the show as I watch it. (I do know some things just because I'm chronically on Pinterest).

Season 1, Episode 3

There are moment when it is very clear that something is an adaptation of a book. Some things are written for screen and some things are way better on paper. I have not read the Bridgerton books but so far, there have been two stand out moments of this phenomenon: a) when Daphne and Simon first met & b) when Simon describes to Daphne HOW TO PLAY WITH HERSELF🙈😳 I am sure it is sexy on page, but gosh, it made me cringe to hear it said out loud!🙈

I'll ask again, are we meant to be guessing who Lady Whistledown is? I have the idea that she is just a mechanism for narration so I am not looking for any clues or anything. This isn't Gossip Girl, is it?

Let me preface this point with this fact: One of my FAVOURITE tropes is doing/saying something hurtful to someone you love so as to protect them OR to lead them to something better. I love it. So... Why does it feels a bit cheap to have Simon look so broken while "breaking up" with Daphne. I mentioned it in my "episode" but the pace of this is quite quick. This heartbreak about leaving Daphne for her own good would feel more grand if he'd already come to the conclusion that he likes her. But since he hasn't, it's just not quite sitting right... It just happened too soon. Have him fall first and fall hard and then have him have to back off, especially because he knows he doesn't want to marry. It would hit harder.

Does anyone know if the actress who plays Siena actually sings her own part? She sounds beautiful, even if I don't particularly care about her storyline.

And now, OUTFITS OF THE EPISODE: (I couldn't pick just ONE)

Lady Danbury looks like an actual queen! The deep purple. The lace. The high collar. Wow.

I believe this woman is called Miss Cowper. One of the most stunning dresses on the whole show. I absolutely adore it!

Another Penelope fit, this girl never stumbles!

Then, MOMENT OF THE EPISODE:

These rich kids not knowing how to light a stove to warm up their milk😂

And, MVP OF THE EPISODE:

Eloise telling her brother not to waste his privilege as a man! It really makes me feel like I shouldn't be wasting my privileges in life. After all, women's rights have come a long way since the Regency Era and I believe Eloise would be disappointed in all us women who don't do something just because we don't think we're good enough at it.

[fangswbenefits]

I'm sorry if this is stupid, but I have a question. So, for the asks talking about virgin tav and astarion finding out during, you mentioned him realizing because of how tight she is. Is that a thing? Like inherently better than a virgin who has done some self exploration?

I'm gonna be honest. This is absolutely stemming from catholic guilt. But it made me worried that if you've ever done self exploration with penetration, you're less of a virgin somehow and they can tell and it's not as appealing.

Which, not to say that's what you meant. To be clear this is my brain going into overdrive because I was taught to be ashamed of having a body as a woman. You didn't imply that or anything. This is pure extrapolation of thin air and guilt. But I think this is the only way to properly get an answer because if you google that, you'll find... not nice people. And I trust you far, far more.

Again, I'm so sorry if this is stupid.

I want to preface this by saying that non every woman who is a virgin has their hymen intact. Horseriding, gymnastics and so on, can tear the hymen before their first vaginal penetrative act. In this scenario, Tav would have hers intact, hence why Astarion would find this 'barrier' so to speak when trying to slide it in for the first time... it wouldn't be related to Tav's tightness.

And your ask isn't stupid at all, friend 🩷 I am more than happy to give shed some light 🫂

[twilightichor]

Before I say anything, I want to preface that this post isn't meant to throw shade at the character this is about, more so about the direction the company takes with her and a suspicion of mine as for what that reason may be that will be addressed soon.

As I mentioned before, I was looking through content related to Jinhsi in order to make more posts about her —headcanons or otherwise— until I've come across the lines dedicated to Jinhsi through Sanhua's stories / voicelines. This in combination with my reflections on the story (the first part to be precise, when Jinhsi announces her official absence) made me realize that there are a few irregularities when it comes to the direction Kuro made her have.

Starting from the fact that she's Jinhsi's bodyguard, her personal one most accurately said. It's no surprise that anyone of high standing that has a personal bodyguard will have a deeper bond with them than just that and so is Jinhsi's case with her (it's crystal clear to me that Jinhsi cares a lot about Sanhua, to the point where she's an agreed topic of conversation with Changli in which both think she should take it easier, or that instance in one of her stories where Jinhsi introduces herself in one of her nightmares in order to bring her some peace of mind), but there are a few things that are off to me.

Like the fact that she's trusted with paperwork. By this I don't mean to say that Sanhua isn't capable of dealing with it, I'm sure she is. But that would be work out of her scope as a bodyguard. Given that Changli was also setting off Jinzhou at the same time as Jinhsi did, it would be, perhaps, the most adequate to do to entrust one of the people who she has to ask for permission when she wants to implement certain decisions— as it is known that in Jinzhou at least they count with a political system hard for corruption to spring due to the implication of more figures than just the leader. Even more so assuming that said figures might be older and with more years of experience on their backs.

Moreover, there is also this line in particular that makes it inappropriate to me, once again, because Sanhua is her bodyguard. If she were Jinhsi's retainer that might make more sense for her to be concerned about matters like this one, but not in this particular case. One could argue that Jinhsi and Sanhua are friends or their relationship borders a genuine friendship and I would agree with this, but this in particular would be even more awkward if we consider that Sanhua would act this way in a political building. Perhaps it'd make more sense for Changli given that she's Jinhsi's mentor and mentorships tend to be more personal, but not this. An easy example I can think of is of Noctis, Ignis and Gladiolus from FFXV, where Gladiolus is the bodyguard (who also taught Noctis to fight) and Ignis the retainer. There is a crystal clear separation of duties there that, if applied to WuWa, is oddly mixed into Sanhua.

Where I want to get with all of this is to say that in my portrayal of Jinhsi, she will entrust Sanhua with the duties she has a bodyguard but not other things like paperwork or anything that concerns political matters. It's saddening how strange all of this was to me when I began to think about it in more detail because I like their relationship, but I can't help but think that some of these decisions are for plain fanservice purposes that won't be taken in consideration in this blog.

[dearweirdme]

https://twitter.com/Sugaaar_93/status/1719777165548634340/mediaViewer?currentTweet=1719777165548634340&currentTweetUser=Sugaaar_93&mode=profile

Didn't Holland say that tkk isn't real? Why aren't you all talking about that? He literally said that it isn't real. Why would he lie? If tae and jk were together, I am pretty sure he would've evaded the ques or just said something like no I don't ship them, or I don't know about them or smth like that.

Why would he lie about it? What's he getting by denying tkk? Is he a "tkk anti" or smth 🙄?

One of jm's close friends had said this about jkk as well but jkkrs didn't believe him. Tkkrs called them delulu for not accepting the truth. Aren't we doing the exact same thing now? Aren't we being delusional?

The whole Holland thing has been diverted to him mentioning tkk on socmed, which I agree was wrong and he apologized. But that's a different issue and has been discussed extensively here and on stan twt. But what almost all tkkrs are being blind to is him saying tkk isn't real. Why aren't we talking about it?

Hi anon!

Oh, I don’t mind talking about it. Let’s go through a few scenarios.

Firstly, did he actually say ‘ it’s not real’? What I hear is something like: it’s not alear/a lear okay. Now messing up r’s and l’s is something that happens when Koreans speak English I believe, but I’ve spent the morning listening to Holland speaking English, and (though his English is mediocre) this is not something he does (in general at least). The word he says during the live to me sounds like it starts with an L and ends with an R, it’s also prefaced by an ‘a’ which isn’t proper English, but could be due to his mediocre English, but it could also imo be a word that’s coined by the a and the lear.. sounding like ‘alear’. Overall I don’t think he definitely says ‘its not real okay’. Taking into account the boldness of a statement like that, and that he was clearly annoyed by being asked about a ship yet again. I think it’s also possible his comment wasn’t about Taekook being real, but about the question being not okay.

Let’s go with him actually having said/meant that Taekook isn’t real. Does he actually possess the knowledge about that? There’s two camps right now, one claiming Holland and Tae are friends and one claiming they are not. Except for the ‘couple bag’ mention I have found nothing pointing to them actually being friends. It’s ofcourse possible that they are, but it doesn’t look like it and him speaking about Tae and Jk like he did also makes me think they aren’t. Holland wasn’t thinking about what his comment meant for Tae, he was thinking about himself. His apology made that extra clear imo. While I think it’s possible he might suspect, being in the business himself, I doubt he actually knows.. since I think Tae and Jk are only actually out to those closest to them. There is only one answer (since he chose to engage) Holland could give to that question (which wasn’t even the question) and that was to deny. When he started that reply there was no other option for him than to deny.. everything else would have been taken as a ‘yes, they’re together’, which would have been way way worse. I think he made a mistake by starting to reply to that comment.. I think he realized his mistake (which is why he took some time) and came up with the only possible option. Because denying it is more in Tae and Jk’s favor than anything else he could’ve done.

Holland realized he made a mistake during his live, which is why he tried to correct it by making that first post: ‘I don’t want to know who might be in the lgbtq+ in the k-pop industry (= emphasis on not knowing) and even if I did, i wouldn’t want to discuss it.’ Which is basically backtracking everything he just did. That statement obviously made things worse, so he took it back and apologized. Holland was in panic mode, and justly so because he overstepped.

Let’s say Taekook isn’t real at all and he wanted to let us know and Tae was alright with him stating this.. why backtrack to the extent he did?

Ofcourse he isn’t a Tkk anti. He made a mistake, he put himself into a position that he shouldn’t have been in. Being Holland isn’t easy, he’s been very brave by coming out and I respect him immensely because of that. I can understand comments about other ships being annoying to him, because it diminishes his person.. he is so much more than a gay Sk singer and he literally cannot out any idols. The way I take this is he dis his live, got frustrated by yet another ship comment, started to respond because of that frustration, realized he shouldn’t have gone there and tried to control the damage. If I were to be a bit negative.. perhaps a bit of cloutchasing also played a role in him starting to reply to the Tkk comment. All in all the situation is shitty and I’d say Holland himself probably feels very bad about it too.

[nianderful]

and now: a not-so-brief tangent on jaguar (2024) from an ivette velez stan

hello! it's been a while since i made a post like this but it's for a good reason! and i have a Lot to say so i'm putting it under a cut.

not a lot of people who follow me may know about this but i've been kind of losing it (/pos) over one of archie comics' latest oneshots— the jaguar, which came out about a couple of weeks back. it's a pretty great comic, and one that means a lot to me as someone who's actually been a fan of ivette velez/jaguar II for quite a long time. ask anyone who follows me on discord and they'll tell you; i can talk about this catgirl for hours.

while i find new crusaders to be pretty....alright, ivette's character was the only one that stuck with me. i related a lot to her shyness and fear, and found it wonderful to read about her overcoming her fears and rising up as a hero.

go ahead, girl. i am of the opinion that she carries this comic in terms of writing. (ian flynn had only 20% of his power, and it went into her) as for mighty crusaders 2017, i found it to be....Fine but hey! The Girl! Yay!

(i think 2017!ivette is cool...when i'm able to ignore the inconsistent lore. i'm a bit of a lore nut) so to sum up: i've been a fan of ivette velez for a long time. and i've pleaded with the comic gods for her to get her due for. well. a long time (again just ask my discord pals) so you can imagine how happy i was when the jaguar oneshot was announced last year. it was a very wonderful day. i was finally being fed after so long three and a half months later, here i am, and let me preface by saying: the jaguar is great. it's the comic i always dreamed of ivette getting. and i can't really go on without saying thank you to the creative team. you worked magic and i hope you know that.

i don't want this to be a super long post going through a play-by-play of this comic so i'm going to talk about what i came out liking the most: the meaning and pathos it gives to ivette as a character, and the jaguar name.

let me preface this by admitting something: as much as i adore ivette in new crusaders, i'm starting to realize/understand that her character's sort of....bare-bones. i love her dearly but it's kind of true. she's just shy and scared and little else until she's not. while she’s still the only new crusader to get something resembling an arc, a lot of it is “shy one stands up for herself”.

and, again, i love her for that! there aren't a lot of superhero characters i'm able to see myself in, because a lot of the time, shy girls don't become heroes.

but part of appreciating the jaguar meant accepting the reality that there wasn't much to her in new crusaders. and that makes me appreciate with the former comic did with her all the more

the first two pages of the oneshot do wonderfully with establishing her relationship with her heritage—she doesn't really have one.

(i can talk about how much i love tango's art all day, how it does a phenomenal job showing us not just how reserved ivette is, but how insecure she feels answering the question "are you from peru?")

this is so much more than what we got in new crusaders; instead of being Shy And Nothing More, she's shy...and someone who clearly has a bunch of baggage. and this isn't even getting into the pathos this story adds to the jaguar name. in new crusaders, it's simply ivette's hero identity. her powers come from the helmet of ai apaec, but there's nothing more than that.

but in the jaguar, ai apaec's helmet (and his entire existence) is tied to ivette's growth. and we learn as the comic goes on that the name 'jaguar' means more to her than a superhero moniker

one of the parts of this comic that struck me the most is the panel talking about one of the peruvian ruins ivette visits

this panel sticks with me because. there's a lot of parallels to ivette's backstory. the legend of a girl who lost her parents...

... and became a powerful jaguar.

it's pretty clear that ivette's got close ties to this legend, and that's before we learn where ai apaec factors in all this.

again, let's go back to new crusaders for a bit. in that comic, ai apaec's just a bloodthirsty god who looks down on ivette at first...

...and only gives her his powers when she tells him where to stick it.

(there's just a bit more to their dynamic than that actually but. not relevant)

in the jaguar, though, we learn pretty quickly that ai apaec was the god mentioned in the panel discussing the jaguar's lair...

and we're reminded that ivette is the girl in that legend. and also may be an reincarnation of ai apaec. the guy's not just the source of her powers; they're one in the same.

(these panels are so SICK man the art in this slaps so hard)

the dynamic between ai apaec and ivette just feels deeper than it is in new crusaders. he's instrumental in her growth and self-realization. his last bit of dialogue is....augh

(it's probably not a coincidence that ai apaec's appearance is more jaguar-esque than it is in new crusaders)

the main takeaway i got from all this: ivette velez Is the jaguar, and not just because that's her hero name.

all of this comes together in the final page of the comic, where ivette is able to answer the question "are you from peru?" with certainty—and in spanish no less.

honestly, this is just part of the package. i haven't even gotten into the writing or the villain (and i'm not telling. read the comic you yahoos) and again i could gush about the art all day.

but this is the number one thing i appreciate about the jaguar. it takes a character who was pretty two-dimensional in her debut and adds meaning, depth, and emotion to her character. she's so much more than who she was, and while i love both iterations, i can't deny that.

to end this little spiel: i made this post last year. and in said post i expressed my dream that ivette would get her own shadow of the batgirl.

and now i can say that wish has been granted in spades. (i mean. i would've loved a graphic novel but we can't have it all) i've said this once but i am so so thankful for that. i'm thankful that i can say that ivette velez is more than a character who's potential was wasted.

and to everyone who brought this comic to life: thank you from a fellow shy girl. and while i'm hopeful that the future is as bright as this, i'm also very grateful for what we've got. thank you.

[phoebified]

idk the best way to respond to this since they were tags but i'm gonna try my best i guess. firstly, as preface, i get faceblindness. i have it due to neurological problems and mine is to the point where i struggle to know what my mother looks like without looking at her, so i describe people in very abstract terms. i know where you're coming from. there isn't An asian face model per se because all the models are meant to be used however and wherever you want, because features on people aren't linear. that said, the most typically east asian face has monolids, a round face, and almost a button nose, which i have mixed feelings on.

you kinda just proved my point about "wanting her to be cute" because that's why everyone who doesn't have monolids picks that face in my experience, with outlier being those with square face shapes who can't find anything close to what they want. usually people who choose this face for unrelated reasons to their own face do so because they want the round, cute face with the little nose that's ""in vogue"" right now (which is disturbing to me, that faces can go in and out of vogue). the asian face model sse made is very like... what white people think a beautiful east asian person looks like. exotic, but not too exotic! side note: gigi hadid IS asian. she's just not east asian, which is what i was referring to.

as for eyes, one, please, do not refer to monolids as cayeyeish, foxy eyed, slit eyed, or any number of other animal or shape terms. almond eyes is fine but pushing it, monolids is the best term for it. i have no doubt you didn't mean it badly but that is such a hugely alarming way of describing asian features for me and my other asian friends; only people who fetishize or hate asian people talk about our features like that. again, i am NOT saying you do or are any of those things, but be warned that terms like that have very negative associations. furthering on eyes: not all asians have monolids, and asian features are not solely based on monolids. there is no asian face type Based solely on the eyes. the most typically asian face is not asian because it has monolids, it's because it has a multitude of features that amount to looking typically east asian. i didn't choose the most typically east asian face model because my features don't look like that, i chose a different face that was not necessarily Meant to be an east asian face but has become one for me, because the most typically east asian face didn't represent what i like about my asian features: it doesn't have a very wide nose, it doesn't have a melon seed face shape, and i don't have monolids.

the thing about white players using a face model that they think "looks snatched" or "looks trendy" is that they're still doing it because it's trendy racially. asian is trendy right now. that's the look everyone wants. look at current fashion right now -- SO much of it is asian inspired. "asian inspired" is an entire category of things that exist in the zeitgeist right now. that's fetishism. it doesn't matter if someone is ignorant to the fact that that's the reason they're doing it, that's still why they're doing it. do i blame them for not knowing? no, but i think they should learn.

so no, choosing a typically asian face model is not of its own a bad thing. in reference to your character, many black people have faces like east asian people have. it's quite common, and it IS beautiful! it's feasible and realistic. same with white people. monolids and other east asian features exist amongst all races. what's odd to me is the sheer number of white people i have seen giving their characters these faces Because of trendiness. it's odd. it's not the worst, but it's odd, and it has clear ties to fetishism.

overall i'm not saying anyone needs to change their character or flog themselves about it, just... be mindful of your decisions and their reasoning for being.

i don't mind answering questions like these, but please be aware i'm one japanese person reading these tags, and it takes a lot of time to sit down and try to explain racial things like this in layman's terms while also subjecting myself to reading terms that cause a split second fight or flight reaction, like "cateyeish," something that has been used to objectify me and my friends and family for generations. i'd rather i answer these than somebody else, but just please remember there's a nonwhite person who has to expend time and emotional energy to answer these questions that may be upsetting. i'm not mad, nor am i saying a moral failing has happened or anyone is bad or ignorant, because that's not how the world works, but just. before one posits questions and comments that could stir up untoward feelings in the tags of my post, please be mindful that these subjects have been gone over many times before in literature and online forum, and you can likely come up with the answer on your own before i need to explain it. not a slight, not a judgement, and not mad, just please be mindful overall.

if i missed anything i can try to explain the matter further but i think that covers most of it!

are there any actually asian people using the asian face model or is it all white girls

[knochengeier]

Drawfee Classpects???

I set a while ago to spitefully Classpect the Drawfee crew because they rightfully made fun of homestuck.

PREFACE:

I should state clearly that this is not meant as an attack on any members of Drawfee, and that I will be leaving out the majority of the negative aspects of the analysis. It should also be mentioned that this is more of an analysis of their online personas rather than who they actually are.

I did mention that I would leave out most negative things, but some things are core to a persons persona something they consciously and willingly put out into the world; again, this is not what I actually think these individuals are like, and is not a reflection of how I feel about them as a person. Things like "Julia doesn't know media" and "Jacob is the bad boy of Drawfee" that are explicitly stated as part of the persona is free game.

So, without further ado

——————————————————————————————————

——————————————————————————————————

Caldwell, Prospitian Muse of Breath:

A Muse is the embodiment of and the inspiration to others through their aspect. The Muse class is one in a pair of incredibly powerful and rare classes known as the “master classes.”

Breath is the aspect of individuality, drive, optimism, and most importantly freedom.

As the Muse of Breath Caldwell inspires others to be themselves and be free, motivating creativity and driving others to pursue their dreams. Caldwells unbound optimism and resolve is a force to be reckoned with, in fact he so embodies freedom and enthusiastic ambition that he left Drawfee to pursue his own creative endeavors on the west coast.

Caldwell commands not only the forces of Skaia, but Skaia itself; his inspiring aura would be strong enough to end the war between Prospit and Derse in an instant, and even those that opposed him would find it hard to stay committed to their cause for long.

Caldwell would have the power to: a. control the wind, weather, and possibly even lightning by freeing the electrons from their atoms (though that might be an active ability) b. bypass any restraints, physical or otherwise, by any means necessary which c. Also means that he can most likely teleport at will and d. Probably turn incorporeal.

——————————————————————————————————

Nathan, Prospitian Sylph of Hope:

A Sylph is a person who passively invites the healing and generation with their aspect.

Hope is the aspect of possibility, inspiration, and positivity.

As the Sylph of Hope Nathan is the light that helps others with his positivity and inspiration, not only does he help people but he inspires them to create their own hope. A Sylph of Hope would be able to see the potential for positivity in everything, and seek to be as amiable as possible, in turn helping others do the same.

Drawfee is as much a show about success as it is failure, it’s something that people can watch and say “These people make mistakes just like me” and they inspire hope for those down on their art.

One of the longest held of these humanizing aspects of the show is the apology at the end of every episode, which only became a thing after Nathan disliked a drawing so much that he was compelled to apologize, and it stuck. As much as that drawing might have sucked it inspired others who weren’t happy with their art to keep at it, and we are reminded of that after every episode.

Nathan is one of the first members of the crew to assure somebody that even if the piece didn’t come out the way they wanted, that it still looks good and is impressive nonetheless.

Nathan is the glue that holds this session together; with the presence of a prince, a bard, and a lord this session should have been doomed since the start, but Nathan’s pure awe inspiring hope promoted the best in everybody.

Nathan’s powers would include: a. A buff akin to bardic inspiration that could affect people to fight harder b. Healing abilities c. Probably an energy beam d. Manifestations of other’s hopes and dreams in the form of glowy specters like a JoJo stand.

——————————————————————————————————

Julia, Dersite Lord of Void:

A Lord is the embodiment and commander of their aspect, not through inspiration but rather assimilation and domination.

Void is the aspect of confusion, secrets, and doubt.

As the Lord of Void Julia is the sovereign of secrets; unpredictable, unknowable, and the proprietor of unknown knowledge Julia uses her runes and studied knowledge to summon hideous abominations creatures from the void.

Void players have an inextricable link to the furthest ring; the furthest ring is the incomprehensible and unnavigable space that exists outside of the universe. The furthest ring acts as an impassable border between universes inhabited by massive eldritch gods called the “Horrorterrors.”

Julia would not only have the ability to traverse the furthest ring and visit other universes, but she would also have the ability to bend the horrorterrors to her will. She would be able to switch in and out of grimdark mode at will, and most likely would not be adversely effected.

Julias powers would most likely include: a. The creation and manipulation of black holes and the general desperation of physical matter b. The ability to turn invisible and probably teleport c. The ability to erase peoples memories and mute their senses, and d. The ability to speak, read, and write the language of the horrorterrors.

——————————————————————————————————

Jacob, Prospitian Prince of Rage:

A Prince is a destroyer of and with their aspect.

Rage is the aspect of fate, defiance, and rejection.

As the Prince of Rage Jacob is the destroyer of and through failure, negativity, and rejection. Jacob forged his own path, he destroyed his fate as a writer and destroyed the limits and expectations for what an artist could be, and he got a job at college humor despite the odds.

Jacob is also, or was, a punk; a subculture that is predicated on the destruction of barriers through rebellion.

Even though he can use Rage for good he often doesn’t; he is well known for stirring discourse, his particular brand of Rage elicits anger and hatred thanks to his flaming hot takes.

He is also known for his infinite petty anger at dumb things ex. “see animals shouldn’t live under ground,” “lizards shouldn’t have to lick their eyes,” “muppet is short for man-puppet,” “mayo is food lube,” and “if god’s ever been mad at anything I’ve said, he hasn’t done shit about it.”

Jacob’s abilities would be: a. Becoming physically stronger the angrier he gets, or somebody gets at him b. The ability to create and control lightning c. The ability to pacify or remove the anger from somebody d. The ability to make people fear him or e. turn against their own allies.

——————————————————————————————————

Karina, Dersite Knight of Heart:

A Knight is a person who precisely uses and exploits their aspect as a weapon or a tool.

Heart is the aspect of emotion, passion, and identity.

As a Knight of Heart Karina uses feelings as a weapon. Not only does Karina use her powers to literally use the emotions of her characters (see Schmidt and Nando) as a tool to effect others, but she also has deep passions like Neopets, Digimon, and Yugioh that she uses as a weapon to torment the Drawfee crew.

Karina is passionate about her identity, never missing a chance to mention any of her favorite things like Beelzemon, Seto Kaiba, catboys, or her Texan roots (Bucky’s).

Karina would have honed impulses, knowing when and where to act and how to do (or draw) something challenging. She also has the ability to hype up her friends, strengthening their resolve.

Karina’s abilities would be: a. She can create a powerful glowing weapon by materializing her soul b. She could find out the weaknesses, emotions, and insecurities of enemies c. She could split into multiple versions of herself to create a veritable army of clones, and d. Enter a soul form where she is basically impervious to most attacks.

——————————————————————————————————

David, Dersite Maid of Time:

A Maid is a person who heals and regenerates their aspect or with their aspect.

Time is the aspect of machines, music, and endings.

As a Maid of Time David heals time; more often then not time is not an abstract thing, and the responsibility of time players is to keep the timelines in order and fix paradoxes.

David, as the chief editor for Drawfee is responsible for taking whatever dumb shit the crew gives them and edit it to make the video palatable.

David is also interested in theater (see “Artists Draw Posters for Musicals (They've Never Seen)” one of the only episodes in which they appear) which is related to time through music.

An interesting thing to note about Time is that it is often equated with heat, fire, and lava, something David has experience with, revealed in the episode “Drawing What We're Thankful For In 2019” in which Nathan depicts David with an overheating external drive (something that is also mechanical).

David could: a. Essentially freeze time, making moments last for hours b. Heal paradoxes in the time line c. Fix events so they go favorably, or d. Speed up time to heal a wound

——————————————————————————————————

Tristan, Prospitian Mage of Light:

A Mage is a person who understands their aspect by experiencing it.

Light is the aspect of fortune, luck, relevance, and knowledge.

As a Mage of Light Tristan has an innate and personal understanding of lore; Tristan, through his interactions with pop culture, knows a lot about said things.

Mages often experience their aspect in a negative way, seen in the frequent possession of Tristan by the Lore Librarian, and his burden of knowledge about absurd and obscure facts about nerd media.

Tristan is one of the only people on the crew who understands how the game works and what the final boss’s deal is, but you know he’s going to be cryptic and vague about it because it’s funny. Tristan would have the uncanny ability to know what something is without having seen it before.

Tristans abilities are: a. Foresight, he can tell exactly when and where something will happen and manipulate them in his favor b. He can give people luck or take it away c. He can manipulate light and probably use it as a projectile, and d. Know exactly what has to be done at any moment.

——————————————————————————————————

Willie, Dersite Bard of Blood:

A Bard is a person who invites the destruction of or with their aspect

Blood is the aspect of bonds, stability, and unity.

As the Bard of Blood Willie actuates the severing of bonds and the dissolving of stability.

Willie is a change maker, he breaks down the stable and familiar structure of the established group dynamics in Drawfee often in an antagonistic way; Willie is well known for his hatred for Jacob, and his very presence elicits the rage in both of them.

Videos in which Willie appears are marked by hostility, but through him new and interesting things get made.

Being a bard isn’t all bad, Bards of blood are not one sided; A bard of blood has the ability to destroy using the bonds they have, uniting a group of people under a cause to destroy something, like rallying the crew against Jacob.

Willie, like a lot of the crew, has a lot of buffing abilities; utilizing his bonds he can make others more powerful and fight harder than they could otherwise.

Willie’s abilities are: a. Control of literal blood b. Group sync, he acts as a conduit through which the coordination and damage output increases, and c. Dismantle, he can break the bonds of atoms and make physical matter crumble away.

[snoopyhughes]

we don't have to talk about it; b. boeser

Well I wasn't sure if this would be done in time, but it is and it is probably the most proud I have ever been of a piece of writing I've made. I did not get a perfect bingo but I chose trade angst, friends to lovers, playlists as a love language, "it's always going to be you," and summer romance. This is some sickly sweet soulmates fluff accompanied by some sickly sweet playlists. There is a bit of NSFW mentions towards the begin but no actual smut. For this reason, 18+ readers only please ☺️

Happy birthday sweet Demi @wyattjohnston! 💖 I am so lucky to be in this community with you and wanted to write you something in return for all you do for our community of hockeyblr writers.

I want to preface this by saying that this is probably a slightly unrealistic version of Brock, and that is okay. This is a work of fiction. Do I think Brock listens to boygenius? Definitely not. But for the sake of this story, he would. As always, I did some research for this fic and so the programs at both UND and UBC that Harper completes are real programs/degrees!

Also; this is the inspiration picture I had for Harper's tattoo (photo from Pinterest). If it isn't clear in the story, I imagine Harper to have a lot of tattoos. I imagine her having a lot of small tattoos all over her body. Additionally, I tried my best to give Harper no other physical descriptors other than her having tattoos, so you all have the freedom to imagine her in any way that you possibly could want to, which I think is a beautiful thing. She/her pronouns are used. 2.6k words plus 3 small playlists ☺️

~~~~~~~

"We don't have to talk about it," Harper whispered to Brock as she slipped out from under his arm, the warm covers forcefully removed from his body. Brock shuddered at the implications of that.

His best friend. His lifeline, his biggest supporter. Somehow, he had ended up in bed with her, swollen lips and hair astray. He wondered if it meant absolutely everything to her, the way it did to him. He wondered if she would lay up for days, trying to forget the way her lips felt on his, the smell of her hair, the curl of her fingers around his.

"He's just lost," Harper told her best friend Amelie that weekend over cocktails. She was convinced that Amelie's eyes were going to pop out of her head when Harper whispered to her that she had ended up in bed with her childhood best friend. "Harper, I don't know how you can say that. It's your best friend, for Christ's sake. This isn't just anybody. Everyone in Vancouver is dying to get where you just were." Amelie ranted to Harper, trying to relay the implications of what the two of them had done. "Things between you two may never be the same." She exasperated and Harper rolled her eyes.

"Please, he is just overwhelmed. He feels very out of his element with the trade rumors and just wanted some safety and normalcy. It's not like it was romantic. Trust me, there was no aftercare or lit candles or rose petals." Harper sighed dramatically and Amelie tried to pretend like she believed her. Meanwhile, Harper tried to forget what it felt like when his fingers ghosted through her hair afterwards, when he brought her water and wiped her down gently. She tried to forget the way her heart beat out her chest at the way he held her afterwards. That she had to force him to let her go. Amelie shook her head and sipped her cocktail, wondering if Harper was foolish enough to think that she believed her.

Brock was avoiding Harper. That much was obvious. It would be more obvious if Harper wasn't doing the same thing to Brock. It had been a week since they slept together with no contact, probably the longest since their only real fight in freshman year of college when Brock left for an out of town game without saying bye to Harper. If Harper had known better when she slipped into bed after too many cocktails that night with Amelie, she would have stopped herself from opening one of her biggest secrets.

Harper had been making monthly playlists of Brock for as long as she could remember. In her Spotify, they go back to 2018. She thinks it was from the only time in their life when they were separated, when Harper was finishing her degree at UND and Brock was playing across the continent in Vancouver. It was a piece of her that she had always loved to do. It felt like a sacred part of their friendship, despite Brock knowing nothing about it.

If the amaretto sours weren't fogging her brain over, she would've done a double take at sending Brock her playlist titled "Brock: May 2023." But she didn't. She just sent it.

Brock was in bed, trying to fall asleep for the night when his ringtone for Harper went off. He shot up in bed, the reality of not talking to her for a week setting in. He scrambled for his phone, and found the playlist attached with a simple message: "I miss you." He was sure that she was out drinking with Amelie, just like they did one Saturday every month. With no judgement, he remembered that she had already gone out for their get together this month, but that was the last thing on his mind as he clicked on the playlist.

The playlist had a cover, just as all of hers did. A picture of Brock smiling wide after a game that he remembered her taking at the beginning of the month. He knew the ignoring was mutual, but his heart started to sink when he thought of just how much it could have been affecting her.

"I miss you more," he replied back without even clicking on the playlist. When he did, he found out that he didn't recognize many of the songs, but they would soon become the soundtrack to the rest of May for him. The dark screen of Spotify glared up at him, the tracks listed:

cool about it by boygenius

Graceland Too by Phoebe Bridgers

Radio by Lana Del Rey

Cornelia Street by Taylor Swift

Labyrinth by Taylor Swift

I saw you in a dream by the Japanese House

Brock simply pressed play on the playlist and let it hum him to sleep, his heart constricting at the way that the songs related to them and how they made him feel.

~~~

Harper knew Brock like the back of her hand. She knew what made him smile and what made him front. She knew what made him feel proud and what bruised his ego. Naturally, she knew what kind of music he would like to listen to. And she knew that Brock had probably never willingly turned on a song from any of the artists that were featured on the May playlist. But she knew him. And she knew what he needed to hear.

So when he sent her a picture of the lyric "you know how much I hate that everybody just expects me to bounce back, just like that" from Labyrinth by Taylor Swift, she didn't flinch when she soon saw the caption that went with it: "how do you know exactly what I need to hear. I don't think I've ever related to a lyric more." She smiled at their affinity for each other. She was however surprised, when a Spotify link of his own came through.

Titled: Harper, May 2023.

not strong enough by boygenius

Cleopatra by the Lumineers

End of Beginning by Djo

Don't Give Up on Me by Zach Bryan

The Archer by Taylor Swift

"I see I've inspired a bit of your music taste," Harper responded with a cheeky smile. She was certain that he had never heard a boygenius song before she sent him one. "You see right through me," he responded back cheekily, her cheeks burning. Harper stared at the playlist in awe when she realized that he was in fact referring to The Archer. Before she could even think twice about it, she was drafting an email to her tattoo artist about getting the tattoo for "The Archer" that she had been wanting for months.

It seemed that a week after that conversation, with few in between, that Brock was also doing things before he could think twice about them. When he had started the trek home from his night out with the guys, they all did a double take when he asked Quinn to drop him at Harper's. He hadn't told anyone besides Petey about their sleeping together, but they could all tell that something was going on between the two childhood best friends.

"Are you sure that's a good idea bud?" Elias asked, clapping his hand on his best friend's shoulder. He knew the status of the friendship at that point and he could also recognize that Brock was beyond intoxicated. "Yeah, we're good now. Just a blip. She's expecting me." He smiled his most convincing smile at Elias and he seemed to fall for it. "Alright bud, well if she throws you out screaming give me or Quinner a call and we can take you back to your place?" He offered and Brock nodded, his feet carrying him quickly towards the door. At this point, Brock was eagerly trying to make his way to his best friend who he hadn't seen in weeks. It had now been almost three weeks since they had seen each other. Brock was soon to be heading home to Minnesota, and Harper would soon be following him. He would wait until the school year was over so he could help Harper pack up and move back home.

It was never Harper's plan to follow Brock to Vancouver, but once she followed him to UND, it seemed inevitable. It became glaringly obvious that the two of them could simply not live without each other. When Harper graduated with her bachelors in Communication Sciences and Disorders, she had already been accepted into the University of British Columbia's Masters program for Audiology and Speech Sciences. After two years in this program, Harper graduated, and got her dream job as a speech pathologist in a high school not far from her apartment.

When she first let Brock know of her plans, he was living with a teammate. He insisted that he could get out of the lease and that he wanted to live with her so that she wasn't by herself. Harper had already found another girl in the same program study as her that she would live in a nicer apartment with. She was lucky that she never had to worry about money. Both of her parents had good paying jobs, and they always supported her choice to be with Brock in Vancouver, seeing as Harper's mom's best friend is Brock's mom.

Brock made the familiar descent up to the 4th floor to Harper's apartment, typing in the code and letting himself in. It was just past 1. Harper liked to stay up late, and her roommate Carmen had gone back home to Edmonton for the summer, meaning he knew he was okay sneaking in this late.

"Harps?" He called out, heading towards her bedroom. He slowly opened the door and found her laying on her side in her bed. Her bedside lamp was still on, letting him know that she had just dozed off and hadn't actually fallen asleep for the night. Brock's eyes furrowed in on the angry red skin that lined the obviously new tattoo that she was sporting on the back of her left upper arm. A bow and arrow, with ivy detailing now adorned her arm. Small cursive words were also laced within the bow. Brock couldn't make them out from where he was standing, but he didn't have to to know that they were something from the Taylor Swift song. His heart constricted at the mere thought of that, that something that they had shared amongst each other was now permanently on her body. It would be with her for the rest of her life.

As the soft pads of his fingertips reached out to touch it, Harper shot awake, startled by the sudden touch. "Just me, honey," he rasped out. "You scared the shit out of me," she gasped, rolling over to face him but careful not to put too much pressure on the new ink she was sporting. "What are you doing here?" She mumbled, eyes squinting to adjust to the lamp light.

"I can't do this anymore," he sighed as he sat on the end of her bed. "I love you, Harper. And I want everyone to know it. I want you to know it." He confessed. Her eyes widened, sitting up to move towards him. "You're drunk." She muttered, not making eye contact with him. She knew how this would end. She had imagined it so many times, a scenario where she was able to be with her best friend, as she had wanted for so long. But they all ended the same way all of her past relationships ended: heartbreak, agony, trauma.

"I am, but I know I love you more than I could ever begin to express. You are the center of my world. Let me love you the way you deserve to be loved." His hands were now holding her own, his soft eyes pleading with hers as he reached out to touch her palm. "It's always going to be you, Harper. In every universe. Just tell me you love me and everything will be okay." His blue eyes stared into her own with more passion than she could ever comprehend. Tears welled up in her eyes, and all she could think to do was lean in and kiss Brock with all the love she had had for him since she was 16 years old.

Now at 26, as she held onto him, his steady heartbeat anchoring her to sleep under her ear, she wondered if it could have always been so easy, to love her best friend whole heartedly, and that he would love her the exact same way back. When she felt his fingertips brushing her shoulders gently, a soft hum of "Landslide" by Fleetwood Mac coming from his lips, a late addition to her "Brock: May 2023" playlist, she realized she was wrong all along. Being with Brock would never lead her to heartbreak, agony, and trauma. It was Brock. Her Brock. Gentle, warm, soft as a blanket Brock. When he wrapped his arms around her, and she finally felt her lips on his once again, she realized her doubts were always just that: doubts. And with a sweep of his thumb across her cheek, they both pulled back, looking at each other and wondering if they'd feel happiness like this forever.

_____

3 months later

"You guys are absolutely disgusting," Quinn grumbled in fake agony at Brock and Harper who were cuddled up on the couch outside on the patio, watching the sunset at Brock's family lake house. "At least you don't have to share a wall with them!" Petey groaned, causing Brock to shove his shoulder. "You two should just be happy that you don't have to share a room anymore." He tried to deflect but it only caused more bickering from the two, finger pointing about who snored louder and how last summer Quinn took one too many turns sleeping on the bed and Petey had to sleep on the floor an extra night.

Harper snuggled deeper into Brock's shoulder, inhaling his familiar scent. She pulled the blanket up to puddle around her hips: Brock always ran warm, and she always ran cold, so the blanket never came anywhere near him. She reached up to brush a small piece of hair out of Brock's face as she chucked and Elias and Quinn's antics. There was nothing like enjoying the lake with Brock and their loved ones.

Of course she had spent countless days here with Brock. Many people had come through the front door and experienced the magic of the Boeser family lake house and all the memories and warmth that comes with it. But there was truly nothing like this feeling of warmth, joy, the feeling of home. She wondered if she would ever be as happy as she is in this current moment, this current summer.

When she looked up at the man next to her, the man of her dreams, she knew she would always be that happy. He was mid sentence when she couldn't resist the burning urge to kiss her lover on the cheek, leaning up to snuggle into his neck, her cold hands reaching under his sweatshirt, causing him to shiver.

"Could you guys be any more disgustingly cute? Makes me sick," Quinn muttered, taking a sip of his beer. "Yes," the two of them muttered simultaneously. Quinn and Elias just laughed, shaking their hands at the response. They knew the answer, and it wasn't that they really minded. They loved Harper and loved that Brock was happy and not embarrassingly pining after his best friend anymore.

Harper began humming along with "Sad Songs for Sad People" by Megan Moroney, one of her favorites for the month. Now that they were dating, the playlists were still made monthly, which some slight changes. They were now titled "Brock and Harper" with the month and year accompanying it, their two profile pictures snuggled up next to each other at the top. The cover photos were now pictures of the perfect couple.

At this point it was Brock who couldn't resist placing a soft kiss on his lover's lips. As they cuddled together, they both knew that they could never replicate the first summer at the lake as an official couple, but as long as they were together, the happiness, the magic, the joy of that first summer would last forever.

Brock and Harper, August 2023

Sad Songs for Sad People by Megan Moroney

All of the Girls You Loved Before by Taylor Swift

Grapejuice by Harry Styles

Golden Hour by Kacey Musgraves

Since We're Alone by Niall Horan

Lady May by Tyler Childers

Sweet Nothing by Taylor Swift

I Hate Love Songs by Kelsea Ballerini

Bad for Business by Sabrina Carpenter

Starting Over by Chris Stapleton

[lesbian-gnf-archive]

My full, unfiltered review of episode 1 of GnLoss:

To preface this, I did not watch it for any ill intent if anyone thinks I did. I watched it because I love horror and had been casually interested since the concept was announced two years ago. I went into this hoping for something to entertain me and was unfortunately disappointed, and this is all my own subjective opinion. If you genuinely liked it I'm happy for you

To start with some of the things I did like, I liked when the camera was higher quality and the effects of when R.anb.oo walked through the door into the green room, or especially when they were on the beach. I liked the look of it, especially with the lone door. I found the effect of the fabric wall when Charlie was pushing against it to give a bit of a spooky look (though this enjoyment ended quickly when the camera showed how the effect was made and it was immediately made into a joke. This wouldn't have been as much of a problem to me if the rest of the episode wasn't like this as well), and I laughed a couple of times when Charlie told a joke. I also liked the very final scene, again when Ra.nbo.o goes through the door and the camera is higher quality and then they get sedated, cool shot 👍

Other than that, the only word I can think of when I look back on it is boring. I felt that it lacked any substance or comedy or horror. And to be very clear, I am the number one defender for stories that use the first episode/season/act to establish the characters and setting more. Like I am completely okay with that because I'm someone who values the characters in a story more than the story itself, if I care about the characters I can live with a mediocre story, but I can't live with a great story if I can't stand/don't care for the characters. So I am completely fine with that, but the problem with gnlss is that it barely establishes any of that.

I'm watching this story and I don't care who these characters are or what happens to them or what they do. You can trade any of the characters out with any other one and it would still be the same for me. And it's especially a problem with Ra.nbo.o, our protagonist, because the audience is meant to care that he doesn't get hurt, like we physically have to care enough to make the right choices but he has absolutely no personality and you could change him for a brick wall and get the same character.

And one of the most glaring issues with it is obviously the quality. I've seen lots of people say that it was done on purpose, but if that's the case then it needs to be so bad that it's obviously on purpose. It's like if you draw a straight line without a ruler, it will almost always come out crooked and sloppy, but when someone sees that they will automatically think you tried to make a straight line and failed. Which is why if you're doing it on purpose, you make the line squiggly because then people will glance at it and know that it was on purpose. It's the same thing with the acting, Charlie did his best but he did not have any help when trying to work with Sn.ee.g or Ra.nbo.o and their very flat performances, R being especially guilty of not using the very first and basic rule of improv: to say "yes, and". And it's especially disappointing because I was never expecting professional acting from twitch streamers at all, but I know that R can do better because while it wasn't amazing their lore streams were leagues above their acting in this. And again, over and over again I see "it's bad on purpose" but that can only be used as an excuse so many times.

If everything is mediocre and the only excuse is "it's on purpose" then all you did is make something mediocre. I've also seen some people say that what they did was impressive given their resources they had, but this show was funded by an entire company, created by a millionaire, and has been in the works for two years. This isn't a small indie project created by one person, it has a budget and it used it all on a mask that you can't even hear him out of. The constant change in camera quality when switching between live stuff and pre recorded stuff was extremely jarring, and only made it more glaringly obvious how poorly shot the live sections were, I really wish they stayed with the higher quality or at the very least kept it consistent.

And to top it off, it's just not what it had been promo'd as. The promos set expectations that were so far from what we got that I can't believe these are meant to be the same projects. If I watched it with no knowledge that it was meant to be a horror project then I would have no idea, the fact that I could not tell you the actual genre of it within the first (and from what Ra.nbo.o is describing the next episode is gonna be, the second as well) is a problem. If they didn't want the first episode to be focused on horror, that's fine, but there still needs to be something there. Like, the very first scene could have been a scary compilation of vague clips showing what happened to him and how he got in the house, and if executed well could then blend fine into the goofy story. It's also just. Painfully unfunny. You can tell they're trying to tell jokes and to make it funny, so it hurts more when you don't even crack a smile until an hour in.

I was hoping the second episode would go more into the lore or horror, but Ra.nbo.o has said that this next one is meant to be sillier which is incredibly disappointing and will most likely cause a huge tone problem for the third episode if 2/3s of your horror series is unfunny comedy.

[hyperfixation-hideout]

You reblogged something once about how sometimes rwby quotes feel out of nowhere or make not a lot of sense for the character or situation. i wondered if you have a least favorite quote for any of the characters, not to like dunk on the writing or anything just like how you said sometimes they're mildly baffling. do you have a least favorite weiss quote? i feel like most of hers are good

That's a good question, thanks for the ask! Well, the dialogue exchange I'd had in mind when reblogging that (I think? It was a long time ago lol) was the end of v6

Ruby: Is it weird that I'm a little nervous?

Yang: No, I'll believe we've made it to Atlas when I see it.

Weiss: Well, believe it.

It just felt... off? Ruby asked about nervousness, not whether they'd actually get there. It feels like Yang's line was just meant to set up Weiss' rather than respond to Ruby's. (Also idk how much time passed on that airship but wow did they get to Atlas fast)

But that's a pretty inconsequential example :P If you're asking for a least favorite Weiss quote... I've got one, and oof, it's a doozy, I'm so sorry XD I can't just share the quote and leave it without explanation, cause it's all about the context, so this may get long. It's not just confusing for the timing or phrasing, but contrary to the situation, and actively (in my opinion) detracts from Weiss' character.

Now, to preface because I know how easy it is to see the beginning of something and assume the rest (especially if the topic is similar to one you've heard ad nauseam & ad hominem): this is not about whether Ruby should've lied to Ironwood. I'm neither debating that morally nor narratively (actually, I liked the initial decision to have Ruby do that; it was an interesting character moment!). This is about this specific line in this scene with these characters and how it impacts the larger message and themes in play. I love Weiss, she's one of my faves, but this particular writing choice irks me.

Ok, with that out of the way, here's my least favorite Weiss quote:

"Everyone thinks what they're doing is right. But usually, they're just looking out for themselves. And their secrets."

This was said to Winter in a scene alone together in v7ch5. She's drawing a clear line between their discovery of Ozpin's secrets and their worry about Ironwood. Which is good! The volume had been establishing the Oz parallel really well: ch 2 when Ruby lies (and Oscar's leitmotif plays during both her lies/half-truths) and glances to Oscar the exact moment he looks away from her in disappointment, and she looks hurt; ch 3 when Yang expresses discomfort with the choice but begrudgingly goes along, asking how Oscar feels about it, and we flash back to Oscar confronting Ruby by saying "doesn't that feel like what Ozpin did to us?" and Ruby looking guilty (as Oscar's motif plays over her once again); ch 4 where Ruby confesses to Qrow she can't tell if what's best is what's right, or if she's no different from Oz (I'm ignoring Qrow's response for now or this'll be way longer lol); ch 5 with this line to Winter.

The issue I have with this line isn't the first sentence, because it's by and large accurate: most people do generally think they're doing what's right. And oftentimes they're actually hiding things to do so. For example: YOU RIGHT NOW, WEISS.

Again, this isn't about whether or not I think the lies were justified. It's about how this line makes her seem like -- and I hate to say it, but it's the most accurate word -- a hypocrite. It'd be one thing if the show addressed this and had her realize that, but it never does. It doubles down in the later scene with the Winter Maiden. Winter says that Ironwood isn't keeping secrets, not from her. Weiss replies, "Can you be sure?" To demonstrate how crucial she is to Ironwood's plan and how much he trusts her, Winter entrusts Weiss with this huge secret: that she's planned to be the next Maiden. But rather than having Weiss reflect on how honest her sister is being with her while she continues to hide the very secrets they resented Ozpin for, she smiles and says they've both carved their own path :)

Eddy in the commentary for v7 said they were going to have Weiss tell Winter the truth there (I'd have to double check for the exact wording), but that "it worked better as Winter telling secrets while Weiss kept them from her." I have to disagree. It would have worked if the narrative addressed it, like if Weiss felt bad about it, or afterwards went to talk to Ruby about it. Maybe asking if she can at least tell Winter, to have Ruby respond that Winter would just tell Ironwood, and they couldn't risk that yet. Then later (and they can still do this in v9), have Ruby feel guilty when Penny gets the powers, knowing her choice to accept them was based on incomplete information, regardless of whether or not the complete info would have changed her decision. That choice is what made Cinder target her. That power is why she died. Just like Pyrrha.

I know Pyrrha had less information about Salem than Winter did at that point (correct me if I'm wrong, it's been awhile since I've watched v3), but in essence, important truths about the dangers of being a Maiden & fighting Salem were kept from them both. After Pyrrha's death and the Fall of Beacon, I'd expect the team to want to prevent anyone else from taking on that burden without knowing the price and full risks. But Weiss didn't bat an eye when told her sister was in the same position. We don't know for certain whether Weiss told her team about the plan offscreen, or what we're supposed to assume, but because it was never brought up and never reflected on, it comes across as Weiss bitterly (I say bitterly bc of the line delivery) insulting Oz and insinuating Ironwood is likely lying to Winter and may not be trustworthy, while she herself continues to remorselessly lie to her.

In one line, it shows her opinion of Oz hasn't changed, her self-justification for lying as an exception to the rule because they're actually "doing what's right" -- the irony of that line would've been so cool to explore -- her disdain of others' secrecy, and her complete lack of self-awareness that she's making accusations of things she herself is doing without a trace of regret or doubt.

It's just a frustrating line to me, because it takes a really interesting morally grey setup for the protagonists, makes it an even darker grey, and instead of challenging it, frames it as a cute sister bonding moment. All while simultaneously showing that despite making essentially the same decisions, the team (or at least Weiss, Qrow, Ruby, and Yang based on her line in the v6 finale) is still blaming and/or resenting Oz rather than reconsidering the difficult position he was in now that they're in it and following suit. Which, tbh, is where I thought that plotline was headed, but that's another conversation :P

If they'd followed it up and had the hypocrisy impact her view or lead to character growth, thus highlighting the complexity of these decisions and setting up the team's understanding of Oz (instead of a flimsy "trust is a risk"), it might have wound up as one of my favorite lines of v7. There was so much potential there, and the choice to ignore it as confirmed in the commentary is one that will forever flabbergast me.

Ok, all done! Sorry if this was too ranty, anon -- I uh. I get kinda carried away in analysis and sometimes come off as more emotional or upset than I am 😅 I just wanted to express my dislike for this line thoroughly to avoid confusion (and hopefully prevent people getting heated in the replies, especially since those often showcase they didn't actually read the whole post and/or took it in bad faith). I'm not bashing or saying you can't like this line or plot point! RWBY is a piece of media I enjoy watching, so when something like this happens that I feel is inauthentic to a character or message, I care about it strongly.

[correctfullmetalalchemist]

Hey genuinely, I kno it wasnt about the Iraq war, but when FMA was first on air was 2003, and FMAB around what, 2010? Being a teen in America, it totally felt like it was anti-war propaganda about the way the US was in the middle east. I dont think its that unreasonable for a teen, with no historical context about Japan, would see brown-skinned people being treated shitty by a pseudo-European nation and go "huh that reminds me a lot of whats going on in Iraq and Afghanistan"

It wasnt until I was out of college, nearly a decade after my first watch of the show that I even found out there was Japanese context for Ishval. Idk I just think its weird to say "what an idiot that person is" when they may just be missing some historical info.

You dont have to post this, its "discourse" or whatev, I just wanted to share my POV

This has been sitting in my drafts for like a week? week and a half? I meant to respond to it right away, ended up getting into a several hours long conversation with friends in regards to it. Was exhausted by the conversation afterwards and wasn't able to formulate a coherent final response.

I will start off with saying with saying thank you for your earnest response I hope to give you one of the same.

I hear what your saying and I respect it.

One of the incredible things about media is that we can read context and meaning into everything. There isn't a right or wrong way to interpret works. How we see and perceive things is going to be influenced by the current events and the lived history of those consuming that media. This makes consuming all content a truly unique experience for everyone. The people making the media also are able to add influences of their own thoughts and experiences into the work they make.

Maybe people in the early 2000s when watching FMA were able to see the current stresses of the Iraq war being reflected back into the media. It is also possible that when Arakawa was making FMA, or people in the production studios, that maybe they were influenced in certain regards to the Iraq war that was currently unfolding and as a result was influencing Japan as well. Understanding and interpreting media like this is wonderful and allows us deeper connections with art.

That being said, while I understand this perspective and agree with it, that hadn't really been connected to the point I was initially trying to make. That point had originally been "I think it's silly for someone to say this piece of media is definitely about the Iraq war when there are so many obvious overtones to it being a parallel to Nazi Germany." Which I hadn't made clear in the post but was my thought process none the less. A character is trying to be named Fuhrer after their country caused a horrendous war and genocide. Conqueror of Shamballa literally takes place in Germany in the lead up to World War II. That had been the start and end of that thought, just a meaningless argument on the surface level interpretation of an anime.

But that argument I think has lead into a bigger conversation that I think is worth having. I don't want to dismiss peoples ability to relate media with what's relevant to them, but I would also make an argument against people who make definitive claims of how a work should be read and the meaning behind it.

"I think Fullmetal Alchemist can be read as an allegory to the American experience in the Iraq war."

Is a different statement to,

"Fullmetal Alchemist is about the Iraq war."

Maybe its semantics, maybe its not.

I will preface this conversation with the fact I am a young Canadian who was never directly impacted by the Iraq war, the propaganda machine propagating it, nor have any memories of it in general. I simply wasn't a teen in the early 2000s and wasn't experiencing media in that context. I don't fault anyone for being influenced to view media under those circumstances. But I do want to make an argument that if you were one of those teens taking in media in that time and formulating world views and meaning in literature and came out with the perspective that Fullmetal Alchemist is about the Iraq war, maybe its time to expand your thought processes. I'm not trying to say that to be an asshole or argumentative, just a suggestion to challenge the way you interpret works. You can take the broad anti-war messaging and apply it to any war anyone has fought, it doesn't have to be specific.

It's not about knowing about Japan's colonization and its actions against the Ainu people. Many people don't know about that. But like I think we all sometimes get bullheaded into thinking very self focused and forget that sometimes things can be generalized. it doesn't have to be about Iraq, about WWII, about the Ainu. In all likelyhood all of these things contributed some way in the messaging of FMA which has lead to it being the incredible story it is. But that doesn't mean that it is about any of those things in particular. Sometimes it can just be about broad strokes themes that war is bad, you have to take actions to fix your mistakes.

So like to be clear, you are right there is a variety of reasons why people would interpret FMA in that way. I don't begrudge them for that, but I do what to challenge them to maybe think about media a different way, and to grow their understandings of the work. The Iraq war happened in the early 2000s, its the 2020s now, lets see what different ways we can grow, learn, and develop our understandings from content. We all view media differently and that it important but we should also be realistic in this regard and understand that just because we interpret a work in a certain regard doesn't make it correct either.

I want to be clear how I read and derived meaning from FMA isn't better than how anyone else does. At the end of the day, how you read/watch FMA is entirely your choice and that doesn't affect me, just same how I do it is not relevant to you.

I just wanted to kinda of explain my thoughts a bit regarding that post I made. I don't necessarily disagree with it, I think my original point remains to an extent. But this was a really good opportunity to expand the thought into something more worth discussing.

So thank you for your response and thoughts which forced me to think of media in a different perspective. Thank you for your patience as I formulate a worthwhile response. And, sorry for the wall of text.

TLDR: My original point was that I thought it was silly to make a broad stroke argument about how FMA was about the Iraq War when surface reading analysis shows a heavy emphasis on an alternate universe Germany-centric retelling of the World Wars. Upon deeper thought I think there is a lot of ways we can interpret and draw meaning from the media we consume. How we interpret media is a heavily personal decision and ultimately only relevant to ourselves, but I also think we should continue to push ourselves into evolving our perspectives to be more diverse and reflective of other points of view.