#I think I have seen every single interview that's on youtube

[homesickhalfling]

Wait…. on that post were we saw Danny is a switch and you said you had receipts….. can we see them together…? For science of course 👀🥵 (if it isn’t too much trouble of course)

Receipts, as requested, are below this horny ass gif (just because)

Pro Sub:

Masochism quote “you went and kicked my ass! It’s ok. I asked for it, I’m a masochist.” - Farewell just before nasty habits

Delighted in the scratches on his back and blood from getting physical with the audience - Prague interview "a badge of honour" - 2001 interview "I almost got killed :D" - written interview

Calls himself a slut who willingly agrees to anything  - Concert slut - This tweet (unsure of event time/place) - "I'm a sleazy kinda guy"

Called himself a brat who likes getting a rise out of people - “I did like provoking angry responses, that did please me.” (This also lends itself to the Dom side)  - podcast at about 29:53

Often says he just wants to “turn his brain off” at the end of a composing day, what better way to do that than let someone else call the shots as they please him? - 2010 "gimme a cocktail and a rerun of Lost [or anything on TCM]" - Roundtable

- E interview

Pro Dom:

That mischievous evil smile he gives all the time, always looking up through his brows like he’s contemplating ways to torture you - I just made a post for this

Hates being disrespected but actively enjoys being disliked  - 2005 "hate it all you want but I wrote it" - link to mag rebuttle post -"you dumb fuck"

Is a good listener (interpreting directors feelings for scores) - masterclass episode 18 (can't link this) - roundtable

The bullwhip quote - this clip (which is from here where he also says the bullwhip is "like my teddy bear I suppose" interpret THAT however you like...) - gonna throw this one out there too - where he just quickly and casually mentions bondage

Threatening to spank audience members - Oingo Boingo at Magic Mountain in 1984 performing "Violent Love".

Has a big ego but knows how to keep it in check when he needs to (this also lends itself to the Sub side) - also masterclass, multiple episodes (sorry no link)

There are likely many other examples that I am not thinking of but these are what I had in mind at the time of writing this. Enjoy!

[pookietv]

the not-so-useless hotline | george clarke

this has been rotting in my drafts for a while but it was a req so i hope you enjoy! may be a little sucky, sorry about that :)

dedicated to both the nonnie who requested and the nonnie who was adorable to me in dms so!!!!

to be honest, you didn't even really know what you had become well known for.

you started on youtube, ended up singing and modelling and vlogging and god knows what else, and you were a little bit of a mystery to the world.

but, nonetheless you had become adored by the internet, and eventually dragged on a podcast by max, who you had met on a brand trip and had grown to quite like, even if you had only seen him a handful of times.

so when you showed up to a little office with worn out computers and a smile on max's face, it did make you giggle to be on the set that you had seen him, and george, who even though you had seen him a lot online, you admittedly knew next to nothing about.

"y/n! hello, welcome!" you were invited in by who you assumed was a manager, who helped you get microphoned up, staying quiet whilst you listened to max and george speak and introduce the podcast whilst you waited on the sidelines for being introduced.

so when you heard the, "okay, send her up for the interview!" and you sat opposite them, your cheeks were a little red from laughing as it felt strange to be sat opposite them in such a corporate setting, even if was all a big joke.

"welcome y/n to your interview at the useless hotline! i'm max, this is george, very important interview today," max joked, and you nodded a little more, laughing and repeating, "very important, yes."

"yeah, i'm so glad to be here, i really need this job!" you joked back, allowing yourself to have a moment looking at george, being your first proper time meeting him. he was quite attractive, put together nicely.

"well, we have very high standards here, although max doesn't reflect that too well," george joked back, and you nodded in a teasingly solemn look.

"well, every company has it's stinker, and i suppose here it's max," you smiled, and max rolled his eyes.

"you bitch! haven't even introduced yourself and you're already mocking me," max grinned.

"oh, sorry, i introduce myself and then mock you?" you teased back.

after being made to make max and george extremely potent alcoholic drinks, and introducing yourself, with a little gossip about music and max's social life, eventually you get questions thrown your way.

"well, we figured we need to talk to you about your dating life, 'cause that's where our clickbait will be," george joked.

"literally! everyone knows you as some maneating mysterious woman going on dates all the time, and we're nosy," max teased, and you rolled your eyes in response.

"i'm not a maneater! jesus, you leave a bad impression max! i would just say i am very picky, that's all. y'know, high standards." you hummed a little as you drank your drink with a small grin.

"oh, come on, you know yourself there has been a cast of rotating rumours of people that the internet thought you might be dating," max urged, and you shrugged a little. "plus, when we went on that bar thing on the latest brand trip you told me about a few of them, so there must be some drama there!" he joked a little more.

"men are just very disappointing creatures, you know? there just hasn't really been one where i've been like, yeah, this person is fun to be around and i would like to be around them a lot of the time, so i'm still single!" i explained with a giggle.

"george is literally always saying something of a similar tune, he is kind of just a picky man," max joked a little, and i grinned and raised my eyebrows at george.

"picky, hm? i suppose i'm a little picky, but i don't think that's necessarily bad, i just think i would love to hold out for someone who is really for me, you know?" i asked him curiously.

"i wouldn't even say i'm picky, i just think... there's a kind of thing, where i'll, you know, find someone where i'm just like, yeah, this feels right," george explained, and i nodded.

"so do you have like.. a type?" max asked me, "george's type always seems to be women who don't like him back." max teased.

"there have definitely been some stinkers in the past but... i mean, i wouldn't even say i have a type, really. i like funny people, and i'd like someone that's taller then me... um, i guess i like facial hair but that's not a dealbreaker if not," i laughed a little awkwardly with a shrug of my shoulders.

"well, i'd say you'd like george but he is exceptionally not funny," max grinned to himself and i rolled my eyes in a giggly way, watching george turn to max.

"because you're just so witty yourself, max,"

the podcast continued, with topics only getting more intrusive and unhinged as we continued, before we got to the point where we were answering asks, and one came up asking george on a date as a plus one to a wedding.

"fuck you! see, everyone comes on the podcast and thirsts over george, but what if you had asked me? i would actually have shown up, how about that!" max huffed whilst george tried not to laugh.

"what, people try and hit on george through the podcast?" you asked, laughing myself.

"yeah, they do, his name is max balegde," george joked.

"they're really scraping the bottom of the barrel if they want george," max grinned, before looking at me, "do you get a lot of the whole randomers asking you out thing? seeing as you're so thirsted over on the internet?"

"i mean, i suppose so, but i don't read too many of them, they just stay in the requests bit of my messages so i don't pay them too much attention," you giggled slightly, shrugging, "though, i do appreciate the compliments, sometimes if i'm just having a really crap day i'll just look through edits of myself. is that narcissistic? maybe it is, but it does make you feel good,"

"max was begging people to make edits of him on one of the podcast episodes so i'm sure you're not too bad," george grinned to you, and you tittered a little at his answer, grinning back at him.

george was pretty attractive, actually.

it had been about a week since the episode of you on the useless hotline had come out: and to say you had been bombarded would be an understatement.

from shipping fan edits to insane tweets, there seemed to be a common theme, the theory that you were dating george.

he had texted you a little, talking about when the podcast was going to come out, and asking you if you had any plans over the weekend, mainly casual talk as he told you funny stories about his roommates, arthur and chris, and occasionally sending you photos of himself pulling faces.

liked by max_balegde, georgeclarkeey and 12,039 others

yourusername: my roommate tried to push me out of a window (but i made her take cute pictures so)

miaxmon: shut up i did not push you!

↳ yourusername: @/miaxmon whatever you say PUSHER

userone: since WHEN did she live with mia ???

↳ yourusername: since she begged me to live with her bc im awesome and sexy and she couldn't live without me (but actually for about six months!)

georgeclarkeey: she should have finished the job

↳ yourusername: smh silly george if she pushed me out the window then who else would the internet ship you with???

↳ georgeclarkeey: someone tolerable hopefully

↳ yourusername: i can see why you got stood up now

you have a new message from @/georgeclarkeey!

georgeclarkeey: now that was just cruel and uncalled for

yourusername: it was honesty which girl would show up for a date with you ???

georgeclarkeey: you hopefully

yourusername: you what???

georgeclarkeey: would you show up on a date with me?

yourusername: only if you said sorry for wanting mia to finish me off and that i am the best :)

georgeclarkeey: i just audibly sighed

georgeclarkeey: you are the best and i am sorry for saying i wanted mia to finish the job

georgeclarkeey: happy?

yourusername: absolutely

yourusername: so, a date?

georgeclarkeey: i was thinking a really tall building with loads of open windows. thoughts?

yourusername: you're sooooo funny george

georgeclarkeey: i know i know i'm hilarious

georgeclarkeey: i was actually thinking we could go to flight club and play darts

yourusername: i will beat you SO bad

georgeclarkeey: can't wait :)

yourusername: anyway, i thought you were really picky about who you go on dates with?

georgeclarkeey: i usually am

georgeclarkeey: i guess you just feel right

yourusername: are you this soppy with all your dates?

georgeclarkeey: well they usually don't show up so you'll be the first, obviously

georgeclarkeey: anyway i thought you were picky as well?

yourusername: okay shut up now george :)

[mickeym0xley]

hi. i dont go here but I wanna talk.

imagine being Josef Newgarden, 13 and after trying a few sports and not being too good at any, you starting karting, you immediately pick up four titles. you love it. you travel to europe and become the first american to get a Formula Ford Festival title. Europe is harsh to you and in 2011 you return back to america. Something about the home soil fuels you and you win an Indy lights championship. you get into indycar the next year.

meanwhile, across the world in New Zealand, Scott Mclaughlin becomes the youngest driver to win a Supercars race. He breaks the record for most wins in a single season. He's dominant, simple. He's just like you in every way possible. Little do you know, your future best friend is watching you become Penske Perfect. He's watching and rooting for you from an ocean over.

In 2021, Scott comes over from Supercars. You werent ever too close to anyone on the grid- but you two click. You were so used to keeping your friends close and your enemies closer, that you let him in.

in 2021, you have a best friend. you both know that being teammates and friends won't work for long. you both can bet on it long before it happens. in 2022 you create a youtube channel and start making little videos with Scott. People like you guys, they think you're funny. You're not just Josef Newgarden, 2x Indycar champion and Penske driver, but also you're 1/2 of Bus Bros. This is the closest you've ever been with a teammate on this level. It's an emotional dynamic. It carries on into 2023 with a little less passion. Heartbreak in inevitable. Some days you wanna make sure he's okay, other days you hope he suffers. You wanna break his leg- quick and aggressively, he wants to beat your skull in. You'll film a Bus Bros episode that weekend and pretend you didn't openly say that in an interview. You mindlessly believe it will be resolved, that you two can fix it when it falls apart. Scott is a realist, saying you're a limited duo. You're both too egotistical to believe you're wrong is what he says.

2023 wraps up and it's your worst season finish. What happened to Penske perfection? You were bigger than the whole sky, a demon on ovals. You were everything Penske represented. Scott's making you soft. What happened to your perfection that people said was impossible? Scott is not only your best friend, but your teammate. And he's starting to win. He's the friend you held as close as your enemies until you realized he was just like them. Coming into the 2024 season, you unfollow everyone. Rumors are spiraling and you end Bus Bros, quietly taking down the merch site. Scott refuses to answer questions besides saying to ask you about it.

It's the streets of St. Pete, Penske has an illegal car- you all know about it. You and Scott get a 1-2. Podiums are publicity, everyone has their eyes on you. Be as cordial as you can, you'll crop him out of your photos later on instagram.

The cooldown room is more tense, Scott refuses to sit by you. The cars illegal, they figure it out in Long Beach. The St. Pete 1-2 gets stripped away from you. Scott sees things level and you're hungry only for another win, to be seen as the winner you once were. The Barber press conference is an embarrassment for you, you're spilling your guts on a white table while cameras flash. Scott admits to it and takes subtle digs at you in an interview. (x,x)

Scott takes pole position at the 500. Scott leads the most laps. But you won. Your hunger motivated you and here it is, the proof you're better. You lost your best friend for it. you're the first back to back Indy 500 race winner since 2001-2002. People are calling you the villain. This is how it ends. Scott makes fun of you during your speech, "I still love you my bus bro." And thats how it ends. You're still cropping eachother out of posts. You seldomly talk. It's not over though, and it never will be.

Oh and Will Power is there.

[jokeroutsubs]

ENG SUB: JokerOutSubs x RADIOaktivno collab: Joker Out – Šta bih ja

Audio + CC link here

We want to thank once again Boštjan Najžar from RADIOaktivno podcast (Facebook, YouTube), for collaborating with us for a third time. We’ve previously worked with him on the English subtitles for the 'Umazane misli' album presentation and 'Demoni' album presentation. Please check them out, if you haven’t seen them yet.

We’d also like to extend our sincere gratitude for the shout out during the interview! Acknowledgements of our hard work and positive comments like this keep us going, and the whole team was so pleasantly surprised! It is very much appreciated!

Credits: Transcript and translation by @kurooscoffee and an anonymous member of JokerOutSubs, proof read by IG GBoleyn123, captions by @kurooscoffee and X pastellibianchi.

Transcript below the cut👇

Host: Bojan from Joker Out is with me. Hi.

Bojan: Hi, hi!

New songs are slowly trickling towards completion, or not?

Bojan: Let's say 'slowly trickling', is a very good expression, yes.

So is the creative process also slower because of all your other occupations or not?

Bojan: Yeah, these concerts are a bit of a distraction, the heat outside certainly doesn't have the best effect on working before four or five in the afternoon, so the pace isn't the fastest, but I still think that it's the right one for this moment.

And if you also look at last year, would you say it was a great year?

Bojan: Yeah, that year was… Really, to say dreamlike would be an understatement, because even when we were dreaming, we couldn't have imagined that, so, truly unbelievable.

After all, 'Carpe Diem' was the most played Slovenian song?

Bojan: Yeah, yeah. It's true.

And then there's the golden record in Finland.

Bojan: Yeah, we never imagined that we'd get a golden record in Finland before we got it in Slovenia, but here you go, anything can happen.

And you have also literally taken Slovene around the world.

Bojan: We have, yes. Which is a very interesting phenomenon, that can't be fully grasped either by the locals in the places that we visit, nor by us, but it's beautiful and very magical to come to a new place every time and to hear the people, whom you actually can't differentiate, while they're in the crowd, from the Slovenian audience, in terms of singing.

The 'See You Soon' tour is also behind you. That was an actual, real, tour. How did you experience all this?

Bojan: Yeah, now we've actually experienced this, let's say, a tour as we imagined it from music documentaries and films from abroad and I have to say that it was a really good mixture of intensity and pleasure. We went into all of it, I'd say, quite maturely and professionally, so that we could make it through all the concerts healthy, and get one hundred percent out of ourselves at each location. So it'll forever be one of those very, very, very beautiful memories.

I guess it all requires quite a bit of physical fitness as well?

Bojan: Yeah, which, honestly, I'll speak for myself, I don't have, but cardio at concerts somehow meets at least the basic needs.

But it looks different on stage. You're always in good shape there, when I see the various clips online.

Bojan: Yes, exactly! I'm somewhat in shape on stage, but offstage, (laughs) unfortunately, not so much.

You've already played new songs on the tour and one of them has now become a single. It's the song 'Šta bih ja'.

Bojan: Mhm.

This time in Serbian.

Bojan: Yeah. 'Šta bih ja' was basically the first song that we did in London, when we went to make music for the third studio album and somehow, already in the rehearsal space, it suited the band the most. And the first time we played it live, it was apparently also very well… it had a very good response from the audience and we stuck to the song and we recorded it in the studio as the first one and released it as the first single, because it was kind of expected by the fans.

Considering the activities that you all have in the band, or that you have yourself, then you don't have either a house or an address?

Bojan: Unfortunately, no. (laughs)

In that case, maybe you prefer to offer or give out hotel addresses to everyone?

Bojan: Yeah, yeah. You could find a lot of hotel addresses because we've tried out plenty this year.

There's also an animated video that accompanies the song?

Bojan: Yes, the music video is… actually the work of one of our fans. On his Instagram profile, for each of our songs, he posted 15- to 20-second video animations which we always thought were, I'd say, original, different, and we decided that we wanted to do something different for this one and something that we haven't tried before, so we contacted our friend and asked him if he could make a music video. Fortunately, he responded with a positive answer, so we are very satisfied with how this came out. And again, involving the fans in our work somehow completes the picture and gives it an overall conclusion.

You mentioned earlier, Bojan, that you're preparing a new album, when can we expect it?

Bojan: You can expect it, let's say, by the end of October at the latest, I hope, and if not, certainly by the end of the year.

Will you be switching between languages on the album as well, Serbian, Slovenian, English?

Bojan: Absolutely, yeah. All three languages. will be present on the album.

When will there be a song from you in Finnish? Considering the fact that you did pretty well with Finnish?

Bojan: Oh! It's not in the plans as of yet, but I'd say that if things continue developing the way they are at the moment, something like that could happen very quickly, yes.

Because Käärijä's latest single is also a collab, or rather, a 'featuring', if I remember correctly. It was released not long ago.

Bojan: Yeah, yeah, yeah! He recorded the latest collab with Joost Klein, a Dutch musician, so, I don't know, well, maybe, like I'm saying, there may be some kind of a collaboration, or even an independent Finnish project in the future.

We'll say more when the album comes out, so we don't break the tradition.

Bojan: Right

By the way, the two interviews that we've done (T/N: 'Umazane misli' & 'Demoni' album presentations), have already been translated into English by a team that also works for you, or rather supports you.

Bojan: That's right, JokerOutSubs, who diligently review the materials about us on a daily basis, as they come out, and translate them into English and many other languages, so one huge huge hello to them, and a big thank you.

As I said, the song 'Šta bih ja' is now released. When is 'Bluza' coming?

Bojan: 'Bluza' is coming in the near future, but to be completely honest, I have no idea when we're planning to release it.

But now, on the air, we'll hear the recent one, 'Šta bih ja'. Bojan, šta bih ja radio? ('Bojan, what would I do?')

Bojan: Šta bih ja u ovoj crnoj noći bez tebe radio? ('What would I do in this black night without you?')

ŠTA BIH JA

Everyone: We are Joker Out!

Bojan: And you're listening to RADIOaktivno.

[3liza]

part of the elsagate videos issue that is never ever addressed in any article or video I've seen about it is why do parents let their kids watch YouTube unsupervised. my parents divorced when I was six. my father is a 100% disabled veteran and my mom worked full time and basically single parented two children. NEITHER OF THEM allowed us to read, watch tv or use the computer with a lack of supervision sufficient to not notice what we were watching and immediately getting involved if something was weird, until we were probably 11 or 12 years old (which is a pretty typical time for kids to transition to spending a lot of time unsupervised and making their own decisions about their free time).

no one in any of the articles or videos I've seen on the disturbing YouTube kids content issue has ever straight up asked a parent: "why are you putting an internet-enabled tablet into the hands of a three year old and walking away?" none of the explanations for it (busy, tired, making dinner, poor, whatever) besides idk, severe disability to the point of child neglect, explain this level of lack of supervision. my parents were variously severely disabled and impoverished and working and making dinner and if tablets had been a thing, they just wouldn't have given them unsupervised to a very young child. you can entertain a 3 year old with conversation, drawing, picture books, or if they're on a tablet you can just turn off autoplay or make a playlist of videos you've already checked! you can make those playlists loop! my parents did not put us on the couch in front of unsupervised cable television either, which did exist at the time, even though a lot of my friends the same age did get ignored in front of a tv even if they had wealthier parents who had more free time. "people think YouTube Kids is safe" is another explanation I've heard. why? there's no reason for them to think that. no one has ever told anyone on earth that the internet is safe for kids, in fact we have all heard exactly the opposite. every pediatrician on the face of the earth has been begging parents to reduce screen time as much as possible for the past fifteen years. I don't respect that explanation, that "YouTube kids looks safe", any more than I would respect someone choosing to believe any other obviously-bullshit advertising from a major corporation.

I've also never seen any journalist try to interview the actual children who watch this stuff. are they okay? what are their daily lives like? how did this stuff first show up for them? we can make some assumptions about that, some of it is just autoplay etc but the specifics are important, including the specifics of their parents' behavior around giving them electronics access + no supervision.

the oldest elsagate kids are now old enough to post on their own and there is a thread on reddit asking them to talk about the effect the videos had on them. I'm sure a lot of them are completely fine, kids are resilient, but a lot of them self-report that they strongly feel they are not okay with it, feel they were permanently traumatized, desensitized, and that they have developed serious and intrusive paraphilias that do negatively affect their lives.

I sincerely do not get it. I just don't. it's the pathological lack of interest in your own child that really gets to me. it's weird, we let our children take any knife from the kitchen that they wanted to play with while we were making dinner and you will never guess what happened next!

[charmedreincarnation]

A long motivating list of celebrities who have admitted to using manifesting/shifting practices

Believe it or not, some of the biggest names in the entertainment industry have harnessed the power of manifesting to help get to the top. From athletes to actors and singers, there is no shortage of big names who have used this powerful method of change to turn their dreams into reality.

Beyoncé is a celebrity who openly talks about manifesting and shifting her emotions to create a world that makes her happy and successful. She believes in expressing herself through song and art and believes that those forms of creativity have helped her to create an amazing career.

Leonardo DiCaprio has also been vocal about how he uses manifesting and shifting practices in his own life. He says that by visualizing his goals, he's able to set himself up for success, making sure to focus on the good that comes from any situation.

Next we have, Oprah Winfrey. According to one of the most influential women in show business, she used a visualization technique called "The Law of Attraction" to manifest her success. She said, "The Law of Attraction says that whatever you think or feel, you attract into your life. I use this philosophy daily and have achieved great success."

Another star who has shared their success story is actor Will Smith. The award-winning actor said that manifesting how his future would look was an important factor in his success. He said, “I would literally forget what my goals were and start imagining myself achieving them. This created a strong feeling within me, allowing for a stronger connection to the Universe and helped me access greater opportunities."

Singer Ariana Grande also admitted that she has used manifesting techniques to reach her goals. In one interview, she said, “I practiced positive thinking and visualizing what I wanted during those times when I was going through hardships and it really worked. Little by little, I saw my life become what I wanted it to be." has been open about her journey with manifesting. She says, “If you are constantly affirmatively speaking — even if it's out loud — ‘I'm going to make this happen’, your energy shifts and you start to become magnetic and draw those experiences to you."

Emma Chamberlain who was literally one and maybe still is a YouTube sensation is also a self-proclaimed manifestor. She is often seen talking about how she uses manifesting and shifting to get the most out of her life. Chamberlain has been open and candid about her success and how she believes in the power of bringing your dreams into reality.

In her videos, she has talked about how she visualizes what she wants and then takes steps to make it happen. She has also said that when things don't go as planned, she shifts her energy to get what she wants. Chamberlain believes that these techniques give her an advantage and help her create the life that she wants for herself.

Melanie Martinez who become well-known for her hit single "Cry Baby" as well has her own eponymous album. She is also a self-professed manifestor and has said that she believes in the power of intention and shift to bring her dreams into reality. Martinez has said that through visualization, meditation and setting intentions, she has been able to create the life that she always wanted. She also has openly talking about shifting realities !

Chris Pratt, the star of movies like Jurassic World and Guardians of the Galaxy. Chris recently spoke out about his faith and specifically about how he uses manifesting and shifting practices in his everyday life. He says that every day he writes down what he wants for his future and visualizes having it and spoke about the power of belief.

Model, actress and entrepreneur Tyra Banks also shared her story of manifestation. “I've always believed in manifestation. You know when you're a kid, you decide what you want to be and you go do it? I just always do that. It's not so much hard work, it's affirming. You affirm what you want and you work hard."

actor Ashton Kutcher wrote a heartfelt post on manifesting: “If ‘you manifest your dreams’ means having faith that if you believe something in your head and heart and take actions towards making it a reality, then that has been my experience.”

This one shocked me but Chris brown (ew) also had something to say about shifting and manifesting. He said Well, I use both of these tools daily. Whenever I have an idea or goal that I want to achieve, I focus on it completely. I visualize it, speak my desires out loud, and take action to make it happen. This helps me stay motivated and allows me to put my energy into what I really want.

I also use shifting to stay positive and creative. Whenever I'm feeling down or uninspired, I focus on positive thoughts and visualize what I want to achieve. This helps me shift my energy and get into a more creative headspace so that I can create the best work possible.

He said “My biggest tip would be to practice self-care and take time for yourself. When you are feeling overwhelmed or stressed, take a step back and focus on how you're feeling physically and emotionally. It's important to take care of yourself so that you can stay focused on your goals and manifest the things that you want in life.” I guess I’m not shocked because it would explain how he has gotten away with so much abuse and bigotry during his career.. but I digress.

Katy Perry has also spoken out about how she turned her dream of being a successful singer into a reality by using manifesting practices. To this day, she continues to use these practices to reach her goals. Taylor swift also admitted to doing something very similar and has her own manifesting method when she was a child.

NBA superstar LeBron James. Is also a celebrities who has openly shared his beliefS about his success. He recently revealed that he uses visualization techniques to help him reach his goals - from on-court performance to off-court business endeavors.

Jackie Chan also uses meditation and mindful exercises that he had admitted helped him a grove everything he wanted in this life.

Finally, professional athlete Kobe Bryant was open about his use of manifesting techniques to achieve his goals. He revealed that he used visualization techniques and positive thoughts to help reach his goals. He said, “By visualizing yourself doing something before you even attempt it, you can increase your confidence when you actually do it. This can help you become an even better athlete or performer."

[omi-papus]

Light The Lamp

Part: 2

Fandom: Subnautica

Pairing: Robin x Al-An

Ao3 link

Content: Age difference, ADHD x Autism, Ableist slur, Ice Hockey AU, Modern era AU, Human Al-An AU, Drug use, Eventual smut

Summary: Rookie ice hockey player Robin Ayou stuns the league with a controversial but impressive debut, catching the eye of popular YouTuber Alan Silvester. Known for his hockey insights. After an awkward first encounter, he begs her to feature in one of his videos. And she after thinking shes found her new babygirl cant help but agree.

Word count: 8.9k

A/N: Hey guys. I managed to get this out at a decent pace I think, this fic is a lot easier to write than some of my other projects so I can balance it with Uni a lot better. Here we have more of the idiots being themselves.

She completed the interview. Robin stood firm even when faced with questions like, “How do you plan to avoid being a hindrance to your team?” No matter what, she wasn't going to cave and walk out.

Now she's wondering if that would have been the less humiliating option.

The second they finished recording, she stormed out, not saying a single word to either of the men in the room, and went straight to the gym. She doesn't know how long she stayed there, but all she could think about was what a waste of time this had all been. The dinner, the recording, the time she had spent planning her answers and all she could say to make the interview good, the time she wasted on him. Because she thought none of it amounted to anything. That the interview footage was unusable and no one in their right mind would have thought it was good enough to be released. That it would all be deleted, and they would pretend they never met. Oh boy, how wrong she was.

“AND WHEN DID I TELL YOU YOU COULD FUCKING DO THAT?!” Coach Maida yelled at the entrance of the arena, not minding for a second who else was there to hear her. Robin knew exactly what she meant the second she started yelling because she had seen it too. She forgot to unsubscribe from that godforsaken channel and saw the thumbnail that very morning. It had her nearly foaming at the mouth, and boy had she considered running up to that office and chewing him out. But she had training that day and did not want that fucker taking up any more of her time and brainpower than he already did. And lo and behold, her coach had caught wind of everything and was currently in the process of tearing her a new one.

“ARE YOU AN ACTUAL TODDLER?!”

“I wasn't expecting him to just insult me like that!”

“Oh no, he had every right to insult your piss poor playing. What you should have done was NOT throw a tantrum on camera!”

“I had to defend myself! I couldn't just sit there and take it and embarrass the team!”

“YOU EMBARRASSED THE TEAM WHEN YOU BROKE YOUR FACE ON LIVE TELEVISION!”

Robin couldn't respond to that and just gritted her teeth, holding onto her stick with enough strength to possibly break it.

“I should have kicked you out when I could…” the woman grumbled. Robin would have been scared if she hadn't made that exact threat multiple times and never followed through. She looked down at the floor. At that point, Coach Maida had stopped talking as well and just stared at her, waiting for a response. It took a minute for Robin to simmer down, to hold back from screaming and crying about what had happened in that interview and why it wasn’t her fault. She had to think about something else.

Her next words were soft, almost achingly resigned, but her eyes had that one last spark of confrontation as she locked eyes with her coach.

“Sam won’t be mad if you do. You know that, right?”

Marguerite’s expression did not change, but she didn’t answer. A cold breeze came in through the open door of the building, and the sounds of the other players whispering among themselves cut through the tension like glass. A grunt could be heard from the coach before Robin winced as she received a quick hit to the back of the head. When she opened her eyes again, she saw the coach walking away from her and into the rink.

“What are all of you staring at?! Get ready and get on the ice in five minutes! You’re doing triple laps today! You can thank Ayou for that!”

Robin could barely process the sounds of her team heckling her as she felt a certain weight in her chest grow heavier

—--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

She was the last to leave the locker room, still in her underwear, going through her phone. She had meant to unsubscribe from the YouTube channel but quickly found herself unable to look away from the comment section of the newest video.

"Like all women. Basically children." "She should not be playing if she’s this sensitive." "She just mad nobody wants to fuck a masculine thing like her." "Bro thinks she’s good."

It went on and on. She was trying her hardest not to look at Twitter. She could only imagine what the rhetoric would be there. It made her blood boil.

The Alterra Giants had requested a rematch. It would be in only a few days. She would fucking show them. Every single one of them how great of a player Robin Ayou was.

—--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

The puck slid out of her reach far too quickly for her to attempt to redirect it. Then, pathetically slowly, it moved away from her before she was pushed to the side and had to refocus her energy on regaining her balance. She stopped herself from moving too far away, getting back into hot pursuit as quickly as possible. She could feel her pulse in her ears. Her trajectory had changed to herding the action back to the left of the rink. The opposing winger was cutting across center ice, trying to get a clean entry into the zone, but Robin was determined to force her wide, to keep her from getting any closer to the middle of the rink. With a burst of speed, she closed the gap, angling her body to cut off the winger’s path. The opposing player saw her coming and tried to make a quick move to the outside, but Robin was ready. She threw her weight into the check, sending the winger off balance. The puck popped loose.

The game was tight, the score tied 3-3, and her team was down to their last minutes in the final period. Every pass, every shot, every hit mattered. The Alterra Giants seemed to have fixed themselves overnight, always having at least two players specifically countering her.

She had to feel flattered.

The center was in position near the slot. Robin’s eyes flicked to her. This was it. She sent the puck screaming across the ice, a laser pass threading between two defenders. Her teammate caught it cleanly and wound up for a one-timer. Robin held her breath. The faceoff was in the offensive zone now. Robin skated into position. She locked eyes with their captain, who was lining up for the draw. They had a plan, the captain would tie up the opposing center, and Robin would swoop in to pick up the loose puck. If everything worked perfectly, they’d get another shot and a goal.

The puck dropped. The captain did her job, tying up her opponent’s stick. Robin surged forward, her stick darting out to grab the puck. She had it. She snapped a quick shot at the net, low and hard, hoping for a rebound. The goalie blocked it, but the puck bounced out into the slot. Bodies crashed together as everyone scrambled for the loose puck.

The opposing winger, a speedster with a nose for breakaways, found the puck and chipped it past the defense. Robin’s heart sank as she watched her own defensewoman hesitate for a split second. just enough time for the winger to take off. Robin turned and sprinted, legs pumping furiously as she tried to catch up. But it was too late. The winger was already across the blue line, alone on a breakaway. Robin could only watch as the forward closed in on their goalie, faked a shot, and then lifted the puck top shelf. The red light flashed.

She didn’t truly remember what happened after that. “4-3” was her last coherent thought.

—--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

“This is hideous, dear, you really ought to change the way you arrange these.” The woman began taking out plates and placing them loosely on the table. Alan stood at the edge of the kitchen, staring firmly at the ground, knowing that if he dared to look up, his brain would shut down. His entire kitchen was in disarray, every plate, cup, fork, and spoon placed out onto the counters and table, many at risk of falling off the edge.

“I’ve taught you how to organize a million times. You are a grown man. You don’t have excuses to be this messy. The cups should go in the top drawer, not the bottom right one, and the pans need to go closer to the stove.” His mother opened one of the bottom drawers and began pulling out the one pot and pan, and with no more space left on the counter, she put them on the floor. “I want this all reorganized by the end of the day, Alan. I am not letting you live like this.” She finally looked back at him as she pointed to the mess around her, and she was fuming when she noticed him looking at the ground.

She let out a deep sigh and massaged her temple. “You’re lucky I’m so patient. I don’t even want to look at your room. I can’t imagine that it’s organized either.”

“It is organized.”

“Don’t talk to me like that! I’ll go see for myself. You stay here and fix this mess.”

She walked past him, and he shuddered. He finally had to look at what she had done, and when he did, he felt his entire head heat up with stress. He held back from putting everything back where it went, knowing that it would not please his mother. He tried to remember what she had told him. The only "right" way to organize, and began rearranging as much as he could according to her rules. He tried to think of his childhood kitchen and how that was organized. Normally, it would be easy to replicate, but the layout of the kitchen was different from his current home, and he wasn’t sure how to make it equivalent in the "right" way that wouldn’t get him another angered lecture and his kitchen torn apart again. Distantly, he could hear the sound of cloth being thrown from down the hall. No doubt his mother had already begun dismantling his closet. He had moved all his hockey paraphernalia to his office for this exact reason.

Because it wasn’t the first time she had done this. Show up unannounced and invite herself in. Sometimes she was only judgmental of his lack of decor and the general subpar aesthetics of his one-bedroom apartment, commenting on his habits, like how long it took him to shower on the days she arrived before he had to head out, and where he placed his coat when she came at the end of the day. But sometimes she did this. Dug through every drawer and crevice in the house, found something she disliked, and then took out everything and told him to put it all back the "right" way.

It wasn’t that Alan was disorganized. He loved keeping his spaces tidy, clean, and in perfect order. He had created multiple systems of how things should be stacked, folded, and stored and hated when anything was out of its assigned spot. Unfortunately, his mother was never a fan of his ways of doing things and insisted that everything should be done based on how her household, when she was a child, used to run.

This had been a battle they had fought for as long as he could remember. It was an immovable object meets unstoppable force scenario, two equally obsessive people steeped in their own ways and unable to accept anything else. Alan would arrange everything to his mother’s liking, wait for her to leave, which might take multiple hours, and then put it all back, until she showed up again. It was a cycle that periodically would steal up to an entire day from him. Sometimes, he’d have to call off work to Ryley because he had to either entertain his mother or reorganize everything again.

Alan used to think he would be free to have his house the way he liked when he had his own, but his mother’s incessant visits never let him know peace. In half an hour, the kitchen was mostly presentable. He could only hope she wouldn’t undo his work twice. He didn’t have to guessshe had already told him she was angry with him, for missing her call all those weeks ago and for making a scene at that restaurant. He knew from experience that her anger would last at least another month at this rate. And he guessed that Robin’s anger would last forever.

He was smart enough to tell that she was furious. The way she conducted herself in the interview was proof enough. And the way she had left, so quickly and violently, was unnerving. Ryley had suggested, nearly begged, that he not post the video. He didn’t know why Ryley was so adamant, as Ryley had always been pretty detached from anything Alan did outside of what directly affected him. Unfortunately, Alan had promised his viewers an interview with Robin Ayou, and he couldn’t back down from that. But it really was a disaster. She refused to answer multiple questions, and the ones she did, she fought him at every step. She was obviously very upset with what he was asking her.

He had told her to notify him if she had a problem. Why didn’t she? He had given her every question. None of this should have happened like this. At least not on camera. She was clearly surprised by the questions, and it was apparent she hadn’t read the list he gave her, and that made him more upset than anything else. That he had planned everything out perfectly and it was all sabotaged because she just felt like it. Like his way of doing things was stupid and didn’t deserve consideration. Just like his mother was doing now.

He was snapped out of his thoughts by a loud thud followed by what sounded like a crack. Quickly, he put down whatever he was holding and scurried over to his room, where he could see three things.

His mother stood in the corner of the room, looking visibly shaken his bed was filled with now unfolded clothes, thrown half-heartedly around, and his headset was on the floor, the shell on the left speaker broken and detached from the headband, the cushion having detached as well.

“Sweetie, I’m so sorry! They just fell out of the closet, I didn’t know they were there! Oh my God, I broke them! I’m sorry, I’m sorry. I’m a terrible mother who breaks my son’s things! I’m so, so sorry, Alan.”

His feelings toward the broken headset were quickly derailed by his need to calm his mom down.

“It’s alright. It was an accident. Go sit down. I can get another one.”

“I didn’t mean to do it, I’m sorry!”

“I know, Mother. Don’t worry. It’s fine.”

This went on for a solid twenty minutes. And it was only after two hours that she finally left, and he was faced with the fact that he had to replace the now broken headset.

—--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Robin stood still against the bathroom wall, fighting the burning sting of tears yet again. Every time she thought her anger had subsided, it bubbled up again like magma, and she could do nothing but grit her teeth and hold back from punching a wall.

She had told herself she would not look at social media after their loss, but, like with seemingly everything in her life, she failed. Twitter was swarming with comments about not only her team but her specifically. The connections made between her performance and the interview were plentiful. She remembered the scolding Coach Maida had given her, and even that didn’t feel close to the sheer anger she had felt in her bones when she saw that scoreboard.

She pressed her forehead against the stall wall, fists tight and jaw clenched. She was only a month into her professional career, and all of this was happening. She couldn’t help it. The gut punch of regret, coupled with an all-too-familiar helplessness, made the tears threaten to fall again. She had to mentally recite a mantra to herself, reminding herself why she was doing this, why she chose this path.

You're good at this. You're good at this. You. Are. Good. At. This.

She wiped her eyes and blew her nose quickly when she heard a knock at the stall door. She had been in there for a good ten minutes, moping. Hastily stepping out, she made her way to the sinks and splashed water on her face. Looking at herself in the mirror for a moment, she wished she were home right now. The only reason she hadn’t hotboxed her room and smoked herself stupid was that she was completely out of groceries and had nothing to eat for either dinner or tomorrow’s breakfast. She was starting to regret not ordering takeout, but her budget was getting stretched thin, and she knew this was the healthier option. The closest grocery store was attached to the main mall in the area, so that's where she was. Stores would be closing soon, so she had to hurry.

It was because she was speed-walking that she only half-registered a white blur move past her. Her instinct, however, was strong enough to tell her to stop and turn around, knowing that properly identifying it would be important.

—--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Alan should have, by all means, waited until at least tomorrow to purchase another headset. Or better yet, he should have ordered it online and waited. He had most of the month's videos already recorded and could have honestly just recorded everything on camera with the whiteboard instead. But he hated waiting, and he also just needed to get this situation out of his head before it made his brain explode with rage. Needless to say, he was furious, because of everything. The broken headset had just been the final push between his mother's visit and the recent interview fiasco. He felt like he would lose it if he didn’t fix the one thing he could control in this situation.

He never liked malls very much, few things interested him, bright lights and loud sounds abounded. It wasn't unbearable, but he certainly wasn't fond of it. He was walking around, searching for an electronics store that looked like it sold more than cheap chargers and phone cases, in hopes of getting a half-decent headset to serve as a placeholder while he waited to get another identical to the one he already had. He knew that wasn't the wisest financial decision, but he simply did not care at this point. He walked along with his head facing the ground, just thinking about how much better it would be once all of this was behind him. That was until a very loud noise pierced his ears, and he turned around to recognize a person stomping toward him.

“YOU!”

She had quickly pinned him to the wall, pointing at his face, her finger dangerously close to his chin.

“You motherfucker!”

He was never great at identifying facial expressions, which only made the vibrant anger in her eyes even more noticeable. It took him a whole five seconds of staring before he processed the eye contact, became uncomfortable, and looked away.

“Oh no, you look at me, you piece of shit!”

Her hand was already on the wall to the left of his head, leaning in way too close for comfort. He only took tentative glances at her, slowly shuffling to the side, away from her. He was thankful she didn't outright grab his face.

“I said look at me, dammit. Can you at least treat me like a person?!”

That confused him, his eyes still on the pillar to the side of them.

“I have never indicated I don't see you as a person,” he mumbled unsurely. He nearly felt her huff exasperatedly on his chin.

“Are…” She seemed almost choked for a short second before frowning at him again. “Am I supposed to believe you're just stupid?”

He finally took a step to the side, getting out of her hold. A nearly imperceptible growl escaped her when he did, but she removed herself from the wall and stared him down.

“Am I just expected to believe that you didn’t know how bad all of that would fucking look?! Is that your excuse?!” She spoke loudly but stopped outright yelling.

“I…” He cut himself off, realizing he needed to further think his words through. “I gave you time to contest the questions if you wanted to,” he struggled to say.

“And how did you expect me to react exactly?! I wouldn't have done the interview at all if you were just going to shit on my entire career for thirty minutes straight!”

His hand twitched. “Your career is barely existent. You’ve got one victory under your belt, one that you lost immediately after.”

She visibly fumed. So the shithead had watched that day's game too. Of course, he had. “So then why care about me at all?! If you just think I'm a piece of shit at my job, then what was the point of interviewing me in front of hundreds of people? Do you just get off on humiliating me?!”

They were starting to get looks. Robin noticed this far before Alan did. For a moment, she was self-conscious. She was making a scene so soon after being called emotional and childish for her on-camera outburst. The thought made her so upset that she nearly didn’t care about how those around her might see her. But that underlying shame was still there, that feeling that she was just being dramatic, that she should just suck it up and move on with her life. That she should just train harder and force him to eat his words. But something about looking at him directly set her off. Seeing him there, looking so lost and vaguely afraid, even through the thick facade of his expressionless face, made the barb sink so much deeper into her chest. Betrayed. She felt betrayed. And she felt stupid for it. Because it wasn’t a secret to her that he had quickly endeared himself to her, that she had found him oddly cute and charming. That she had felt that they were friends. She had known him for so little time. She shouldn’t have gotten this attached that quickly. Or shouldn’t have gotten attached at all.

“I thought the phenomenon of how you played was worth investigating,” he said, still facing the wall. Robin had to force herself to sigh. It did not help.

“What? Is my failure just fun to you?! Am I just entertaining because I'm so fucked up at playing hockey that I need to be studied?”

“I think you're taking it personally.”

“It IS personal, Alan! This isn't just my hobby! This is my life!”

“Well maybe play like it, then.” His fists were clenched hard, his brow ever so slightly furrowed. For a moment, Robin was too stunned to clap back. She fumbled with her words for a good few seconds as they kept getting stuck in her throat. The sheer audacity of the statement actually made her return to reality. Him so openly admitting he thought she was shit felt like it put an end to a small fire that had been burning her lungs. It felt like some type of closure.

“I shouldn’t even care. You're nothing but some nobody on the internet. Your own followers are getting tired of you, and you're more preoccupied with shitting on me than getting your mediocre career back on track.”

“You're trying to offend me, and it is not going to work.” He spat at her, looking now at her feet.

“Ryley was right about you. You're nothing but a neurotic freak with an ego up your ass!”

“Listen, I just want to go purchase something. I have nothing to say to you.”

“No wonder nobody likes you. Nothing is ever enough for you.”

That, Robin noticed, lightly changed the look in his eyes. “Listen.” His shoulders tensed, and to her surprise, he turned to face her, still looking at her feet. He took a step toward her, and they were once again toe to toe with each other.

“You have no experience with what being less than enough is like. If you really weren't enough, that coach of yours would have kicked you out a long time ago. I’ve seen her do worse for less. You’ve waved to your loving family at plenty of your games since university.”

“What does that have to do with anything?”

He should have shut up then, but an unstable cocktail of built-up frustration and anger was making him unreasonable. “Nothing I do is ever enough. Not for my family, not for my audience, not even for my own employee, and clearly not for you.”

Robin only raised an eyebrow, demanding he elaborate. He happily did. “I gave you every single question written out on paper and would have easily sent you a digital copy if you asked. I gave you a week to make the choice, to communicate with me, and yet you said nothing. It was clear you couldn’t even be bothered to read any of them. I would have changed them. I would have called off the interview if it was really that bad. I had everything set up to avoid disaster, but that was not enough. I tell my viewers that I’m going to interview a professional player, but that's not good enough. I lose nearly half of my income to pay my assistant a livable wage by just doing the job he signed up for, and that is not enough. I show my family over and over that I’m managing my life and have found even a little success in what I do, and that is still not enough. It’s never fucking enough.”

Robin blinked, her breath caught in her throat. It wasn’t what he was saying that surprised her, but how he said it. For all his usual detachment, this was the first time she had seen him genuinely vulnerable. She tried to shake that feeling off. He was the one who had treated her like a lab rat for his personal gain. He didn’t get to turn this around on her now, not after everything.

“That’s your excuse? You’re sad, so you did this to me?” She bristled.

“I am not giving you excuses. I am just simply expressing how I feel since you’re so intent on arguing.”

“What you feel?! What about what I felt?! When you still posted that stupid interview when I was clearly not happy with it?!”

“You didn’t tell me not to post it. You didn’t tell me anything. You just left.”

“And you’re going to tell me you didn’t see I was upset about it? It was obvious, you should have known!”

“Your subpar communication skills are not my responsibility.”

“Oh, we’re talking about communication, how funny. I would have LOVED for you to have communicated that you thought I was a stupid piece of shit instead of schmoozing me up at dinner and texting me like we were best friends!”

He was taken aback by that last statement, finally catching himself staring at her again, this time in sheer disbelief. “What do you mean by that?” he said slowly.

“If you were just going to insult my playing, why did you act so polite, take me out, and… and make me trust you?”

She sounded… hurt by the end of the sentence, her burning ire fading into the background ever so slightly. Alan couldn't decipher it, but he was dumbfounded by the very question.

“Because you’re a person. Even if a messy one, you are still a high-level professional player. And just… because I respect you? I never thought that you were stupid, and I just… Why wouldn’t I?

She was exhausted. She only then realized it. Frustration was starting to burn away at the last of her energy reserves along with her sore arms and bruised calves. She let out a huffy, exasperated noise as she held her head in her hands. It dawned on her what she was doing and how stupid and insane it looked to everyone around her. Was she being childish? She didn't know and only half cared. But she knew then that she wanted this to be over.

“Are you even sorry?” She simply sounded tired now, the tone of her voice significantly higher-pitched than before. Alan was able to sense this, and therefore his own defensiveness lowered, but he still had to take a moment to think about it.

“I do not think it is my fault, but I am sorry it turned out like this,” was all he could say. Robin stayed quiet, looking at him in a way that made him deeply uncomfortable, and he finally had enough.

“Goodbye, Miss Ayou.” It took a lot of strength for him to turn around and walk away, but he finally did, leaving Robin to deal with the stares. The supermarket had already closed.

—-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

She was going hungry tonight. She refused to spend more money on takeout, and Cal had his parents over, so she couldn't raid his fridge tonight. She was almost tempted to ask Sam for food, but the fear that Coach Maida could be the one to answer the phone was enough to dissuade her.

She should have, by all means, gone to sleep already. Her tired body was screaming at her, and her frayed nerves couldn't handle any more, but she just couldn't feel like it. That was very much like her, procrastinating even when it came to sleep. Fuck, she did not want to go to training tomorrow. If only she could call in sick like any other job, well, at least any job where Coach Maida wasn’t in charge. She tried to think of ways to get out of it while boiling some water. She really needed to get a kettle. Busting out the pot every time she wanted to fill her hot water bottle was getting beyond annoying, especially since these days she had to do it daily. Everything hurt. She looked over to her room and heavily considered rolling one out, but it would go to waste if she was just going to fall asleep five minutes later.

In minutes, she was on the couch, a hot water bottle pressed against her shoulder, her phone at ten percent, bright in the darkness. She scrolled past a group chat with her teammates, a message from her mom asking how she was doing, and a few promotional emails from places she'd never shop at. She was in that mood in which she couldn't stay on a single app for more than a couple of seconds, her attention span wouldn’t sit with her for more than that. She leaned her head back against the couch, trying to force herself to relax. Eventually, she decided to scroll through YouTube Shorts since she hadn’t tried that yet. Pretty quickly, that got boring as well, so she began looking through her YouTube feed. Maybe her favorite ichthyologist YouTuber had posted something new today.

Like a bitter metallic taste suddenly making its way into her mouth, a video showed up on the feed that nearly jump-scared her. She sat upright on her couch and stared at the screen. She thought she had unsubscribed from that stupid channel earlier today. Did she really forget to do it then, too? Fuck, she was stupid.

She collapsed back down again. “Stupid, stupid, stupid…” she muttered to herself tiredly. The video still stared her in the face. It made her angry. She felt the urge to report it, but she knew that doing that would actually cross the line into being childish. Currently, she was frozen. Something in her stopped her from scrolling along, unsubscribing, or doing anything about the situation that was bothering her. She placed the phone on her chest. She never did watch any videos from him, maybe if she had, she would have picked up that he was an asshole before she agreed to be part of them. And thinking about it more, she felt like an idiot again. She really did just like the idea of being interviewed like a celebrity, regardless of who did it. She never cared about his channel or whatever greater goal he had in mind. She just wanted to feel good about herself. Was that wrong of her? It felt like it was.

His little speech still bothered her. It wasn’t unimaginable that he had his own bullshit going on. Everyone did. Robin was convinced that everyone thought the world was caving in around them half the time. He wasn’t special. Still, she had to feel bad because it was true, if she had just not lost the paper like a moron, this wouldn’t have happened. He said so himself. And, God, she was never going to live down what Cal told her to do. Just ask for the questions again. She had avoided doing it for such a stupid reason, too. And that's the part that bruised her ego the most.

Because she was attracted to him. That had been apparent from minute one. She had wanted to look cool in front of him. She didn’t want him to know she was an idiot. And what hurt the most was finding out he already did. Seemingly from the start, he knew. And she really was stupid, wasn’t she? Her tooth still stood sharp and broken in her mouth, the image of the scoreboard was still seared into her brain.

Why hadn’t Maida kicked her out yet? If she let a boy get under her skin like a teenager, surely she deserved to be left behind with the college kids like so many of the other girls did. She should have never been drafted. This was a mistake. She was just destined for nothing, like all her school teachers had told her.

She curled up on the couch, burying her face against the cushion. She was spiraling again. She needed a distraction, now. She took out her phone and just mindlessly clicked on the video. Fuck it. Maybe getting angry at Alan again would get her back on track. What the video was even about didn’t matter, as long as it was something other than more loud thoughts of self-hate. Alan was in front of a whiteboard with a projection on it. He wasted no time, beginning to scribble and talk at length. Robin immediately recognized the topic, neutral zone traps, forechecking, and counterattacks. She stared at the screen, watching Alan’s hands move across the whiteboard, the slight tilt of his head as he spoke. She was annoyed that even now, after everything, he could still captivate her attention. Pathetic.

The video droned on about the timing of offensive breakouts and how players should anticipate defensive collapses. But then something in the video caught her ear, a mention of adaptability. Alan was saying something about how great players aren’t just skilled at executing strategies, they’re able to adapt to changing circumstances. The ones who succeed long-term are the ones who can read a situation, make quick decisions, and adjust, even when things go off script. She was good at that, she thought. Robin had always been quick on her feet and would thrust herself at any opportunity that presented itself to strike. Heh, she was so dead set on improvising that she had… broken… her tooth. She instinctively ran her tongue along the jagged edge of it, wincing at the reminder. Improvising was her strength, sure, but sometimes it came with a cost.

Alan’s voice brought her back to the video. He was talking about the importance of balance, knowing when to adapt but also knowing when to stick to the fundamentals. "It’s not just about reacting to the situation," he said, his tone calm but firm. "It’s about controlling how you react.” Robin remembered that incident, how it had happened because she flung herself at a loose puck and accidentally planted the toe picks of her skates on the ground and fell over. She hadn't thought about the consequences, about how her desperate attempts to turn the tide were turning into sloppy mistakes.

Robin gritted her teeth. Control. That word made her stomach churn. It was what Coach Maida had been drilling into her head for months now. Her natural instincts were sharp. She’d fight tooth and nail to force a play, to make something happen, but in doing so, she’d lose sight of the bigger picture and…

Her head was starting to hurt. She got off of YouTube, cutting the video off. She stared at the ceiling for God knows how long. Thankfully, she had the loud sounds of cars honking outside to save her from being submerged in the silence. She hugged the hot water bottle. Well, just like he seemed, Alan was smart. Too smart. Too blunt as well. He hadn’t just made his points by themselves. He had provided examples for every single aspect he was discussing, heavily criticizing a number of players in the process. She let out a deep sigh. Alright, maybe it wasn’t personal. She still found what happened in the interview incredibly rude and insensitive, especially with how little faith people naturally have in female hockey. But she supposed he just didn’t consider that. It was weird, actually, how little he cared about that fact. She looked through his recent videos, and the last seven of them were all about female games, even if she noticed that those had fewer views than the previous male-led ones.

A sudden urge to ask him about it popped into her head. It was just a fleeting notion, but the fact that she had just thought of texting him about why he liked female hockey like that caught her off guard. Like she hadn’t just sworn off ever thinking of him again a few hours prior.

“Uuuuugh, nooooooooo…” she whined lowly. Watching that video had done something for her. She just saw him, so focused and objective, that she finally had to realize that Alan was just some guy. He loved hockey like an obsessive little kid who cared about the game itself so much that people's feelings just slipped his mind. Could she really be that mad at that? He himself had admitted to her that he was autistic, and- no. No, no, no, no. That was NOT an excuse. Never had been, never would be. But what, she just wasn't mad at him anymore? What was she supposed to do with that? She didn't just want to forgive him. But… he wasn’t malicious. He was… blunt, obsessive, maybe even careless, but not cruel. She was almost certain of that now. Maybe she was infantilizing him, but that was better than considering him a shitbag. Robin remembered what he had told her, that although she was messy, she was still a professional. Did he always feel that way about her? How she felt now? So lukewarm and weirdly disturbed by the existence of a grown adult who was so… clumsy. Her with her feet and him with his words.

She briefly considered that her brain might just be looking for excuses to let things go so she could fawn over him again. It was at that moment that she made a choice. If she was going to go anywhere with this relationship, that attraction had to go. He wasn't some irresistible supermodel. Most of what appealed to her was just that he was taller than her, which most men weren't. He was decently polite, but she had gotten a good enough look at his personality to realize that the soft boy sweetheart persona she had built up in her head was far from the truth. She had been into her girlfriends before, and she got over that. Yes, this was the right choice. She could do this.

Now the question was, did she want to continue their relationship? If she even could, he looked pretty pissed at her too. But if they made up, what would become of whatever they had? Well, first of all, any more videos were off the table. But that had been the only reason they even met in the first place. The only reason he approached her, and the only reason she followed along with the weirdo that ran to corner her in the street. She huffed. Well, at least they were even cornering each other in public. The point was, what else did she want from him?

She thought about it while scratching dirt from under her fingernails, and rather easily, she had her answer. She felt bad for him. Not just because she screamed at him in public, but because of everything. Like she said, he wasn't special for having his own emotional baggage, which he had revealed to her seemingly on impulse. But still, even before that, he had such wet dog energy. When they were on good terms, he would text her incessantly, like he had no one else to talk to. She had a suspicion that was the reason he invited her out to dinner instead of just forwarding her the questions via email. And now she knew that he was aware that Ryley, his only work colleague, thought badly of him. Adding that he also briefly mentioned having family issues, something Robin had never been familiar with.

If she wasn't going to be his friend, then no one else would. And something about her hypersocial brain wouldn't let that go. Was she really going to let go of all the humiliation and anger to adopt a thirty yearold man? Fuck, she needed to broaden her hobbies.

She lay down comfortably again and put a pin in that thought. She was being hormonal or something. She had just finished tearing his ear out. She couldn't just call him up and be like, Hey, sorry, let’s be friends. She wasn't a saint.

Looking at her phone with five percent battery left, she decided she had enough of videos and hopped on Twitter. Robin had fought for her life to keep her Twitter hockey-free. She had enough of that shit on the daily. When she had phone time in bed, she would prefer to look at videos of Cuddlefish. Well, until a few days ago, of course. Following Alan had completely thrown off her algorithm, if only because of how much he tweeted. She should have known that she couldn't avoid him here either. There were just old threads of arguing until she got to the top, where she inevitably came across his most recent tweet and…

“Let it be on record that I do not condone the misogynistic and degrading comments made about the athlete Robin Ayou as a result of my video.”

Suddenly, it was quiet even on the street outside. Without thinking, she clicked on the thread and continued reading.

“While I stand by my analysis of her play, it’s important to separate criticism of performance from personal attacks. I respect Robin as a player and as a person, and any comments attacking her have no place in the discussion.”

He hadn’t tagged her in the tweet. Maybe he thought that was him being respectful, but now she wished he had. At least then she could have responded, said her piece, and maybe even defended herself instead of just being some invisible target. She looked at the time it was posted. Ten minutes ago. So after their spat at the mall. Even after all of that…

She buried her face in her hands. “Fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuck…” she groaned. She stood up, back pain be damned. She stomped over to her room and plugged in her phone, not waiting for the little sound to ring before going into her contacts and searching for a familiar name. Alphabetically, it was the first. She put the phone to her ear as her breath caught in her throat. What was she doing? Whatever it was, she had to do it now before she lost her nerve or her pride swallowed her alive. The phone was already ringing, so there was no going back now.

The sound permeated for an unbearably long time. A small part of her was hoping he wouldn't pick up. That she could tell herself that she tried and that it was him who rejected her.

The ringing stopped.

“A-”

“I will have you know that it is only legal to claim defamation if the statements made are both false and damaging to your reputation. I have extensive proof of all my claims and proof of your consent to-”

“Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey! No, no, no, no, no! I never- I don't- what?”

“I would urge you not to allow this to go to court.”

“Alan, I am not trying to sue you!”

“Then what do you want?”

The words suddenly got caught in her throat. For what felt like an eternity, she was unable to say anything out of sheer nervousness.

“Miss Ayou, this is considered harassment.” His voice never wavered once.

“No! Wait! Fuck! I just- I’m sorry!”

“What was that?”

“I- I- I” She sighed harshly. “I’m sorry, Alan.”

“Okay.”

Robin blinked. That's it? Okay? She nearly said that out loud. A short silence followed before she realized it really was on her to make this count. “I did take it personally. Too personally. I know now that you're like that with every player, and I shouldn't have accused you of trying to hurt me.”

“Because I wasn't.”

“I know. Listen, I was being irrational back there at the mall. That wasn't deserved. I shouldn't have made a scene like that.”

“Is that it?”

He was really going to milk her dry, wasn’t he? “Alright, I'm also sorry for the interview. It… it was stupid. I should have done something more productive than just digging my heels in like that.”

“Miss Ayou?”

She wished his voice would soften even a little but knew that even if he was in a good mood, it almost never did.

“Yeah?”

“Why didn’t you read the interview questions?”

She dragged her palm across her face, hunched her shoulders, and held back a groan. He noticed. Of course, he noticed. She had no choice but to rip off the band-aid now.

“I… I lost the paper…”

Where had the cars outside gone? She couldn’t deal with this silence!

“Are you serious?”

“Yyyyyep…”

“You’re not messing with me?”

“Why would I make this up?” She sounded like she wanted to jump off a pier because honestly, she did.

“I just…” That was the first time she had ever heard him lose his words like that. It was honestly intimidating.

“Why???” His pitch heightened in disbelief. She swallowed hard, she couldn't decide if this was going better or worse than she had expected.

“I just put it away and then I couldn't find it.”

“Are you one hundred percent certain?”

“Yes? I know it's the dumbest shit you've ever heard, but that's what happened.”

She could hear fiddling on the other line. He must have started to pace.

“And… why… didn't you ask for a copy??”

She briefly couldn't speak again. Her face was burning, and it was making her dizzy. What did she expect to say here? I had a crush on you, so I didn't want to embarrass myself? Well, yeah, that exactly, but for the sake of her sanity, she would omit some things.

“I didn't… want you to know that I lost it. Because… well, like I said, it's stupid, and I didn't want you to think I was an idiot for losing something so simple.”

It was his turn to struggle to speak for a couple of seconds. “I- Robin, what you did is much dumber than just asking for them again.”

“I know!”

Alan, on his side, had in fact been pacing around his room, eventually, he had to stop and sit back on the bed. He ran a hand through his hair and fiddled with his shirt collar for several seconds before thinking of how to continue. Robin was waiting for a response, as she had fallen silent, save for the occasional short squeal of frustration that would come through.

“So this was all a misunderstanding then.” He didn't sound completely sure.

“Ugh, I mean no. It's mostly my fault. I'll take that, but it's because I wouldn't have done the interview if I had known what the questions were.”

Alan sighed. "So you went into the interview blind. And now you’re apologizing after wanting to kill me four hours ago."

"Yes! I get it, okay? I’m an idiot. I didn’t plan for it to spiral like this."

"That’s an understatement," he muttered. There was a pause.

"You didn’t have to make that interview so brutal," Robin said, more quietly now.

"You expected me to go easy on you?" Alan’s voice was incredulous.

She was going to implode. “Well, when you put it like that, I look like a little bitch.”

“What do you plan to do when criticism like this comes to you again?”

Robin buried her face in her free hand. “I’ve gotten worse, just not in front of a bunch of people, man!”

“You're twenty three, you'll recover.” He attempted to comfort her, but it only agitated her more for reasons unknown to him.

“D-don't treat me like a kid!” Her face was flushed, and her ears got hot.

“I never did. I simply meant to say that you have the rest of your career ahead of you.”

She brought her knees to her chest, her voice coming out much softer than either of them had anticipated. “So what? Do I just have ‘potential’ and nothing else? Is that how you see me?”

This time she could hear him breathe through the phone. “I'm not that important, Robin.”

Her eyes widened momentarily, and she mentally kicked herself for caring so much again. She was taking too long to answer, so he did in her stead. “I don't understand. Are you upset because you found the video defamatory or because you think I dislike you?”

Even through her pinkish-brown skin, the dark red of her blush could show through. That was a good question. The obvious answer was both, but if she looked inside herself, she could find which of the two dug at her ego the hardest.

“It's not like we're even friends.”

And she was not about to be honest about that.

“I suppose not.”

They were both quiet for a long time. It didn't feel right to hang up, but neither could come up with something more substantial to say.

She cleared her throat. “Look, I didn’t call you to- ugh, whatever this is. I just wanted to say sorry for blowing up. I… I get that you were just doing your job, and I need to stop making everything personal.”

“Good,” Alan said flatly.

Robin felt her heart sink just a little, even though she’d expected him to say something like that. What had she been hoping for?

“I just... I don’t want to be on bad terms with you. That’s all.”

“Bad terms? Robin, this wasn’t personal. I don’t go around trying to make enemies of people.”

“Well, you got pretty personal back at the mall with that little spiel about your life.” She said with a certain venom in her voice. This was supposed to be an apology, but she refused to pretend like she was the only emotional one in the situation.

He choked for a second, almost dropping his phone in the process. When he finally spoke, his voice sounded more than a little strained. “That was an oversight.”

“And what? Do mistakes only have consequences when I make them?”

He hesitated for several seconds. “And what consequences am I supposed to suffer then?”

It was Robin's turn to stall. During the span of five seconds, she went through all five stages of grief for her pride and finally settled on what she wanted. “I want you to forgive me.”

He blinked a couple of times. That was a much simpler request than he had expected. “I already did.”

“Forgive me like you mean it.”

“How am I supposed to prove that?” He was utterly perplexed, even if he didn't fully convey it.

“Everything has to go back to normal between you and me. Back to the random blocks of text at 3 PM. Back to asking about our day. No more videos or interviews in mind. Just talk, like normal.”

Alan was close to short circuiting. This took a turn that he never could have expected. “But like you said, we are not friends.”

“Well, fuck you, you’re my friend now.”

“What? Do I get a choice in the matter?”

“Nope.”

“You can't do that.”

“Sure can, white boy.”

“What does that have to do with anything?!”

“Talk to you tomorrow, Al. Good night.”

She hung up, leaving him more confused than he had been in his life. What?

[safedistancefrombeingsmart]

After I watched StartUp I wondered why Martin rarely or never talked about the series and his character. I think I've seen him on YouTube talking about breaking down his characters but no Phil Rask, or maybe he's talked about it but I just don't know it(?) Sorry just wanna ask:)

I have wondered the same thing many times. I have not come across a single interview with Martin talking about StartUp. I haven't searched very thoroughly, but I am quite sure that (nearly) no interviews exist. Sadly. The series was alright, but nothing special. But Martin was exceptional, he stole every scene he was in. Plus, we got the Shower and Cafecito scenes. 😏

Maybe someone else knows more about it?

[driz-zle]

⌕ JUST IN: EXCLUSIVE INTERVIEW

NOW UPLOADED: EPISODE #2 / EXES AND OH’S / I.Y.

Featuring: Lead Vocalist! Isagi Yoichi and Food Vlogger! Y/n L/n Bonus Appearance: Solo Artist! Bachira Meguru Tropes: Childhood Friends

VIDEO SEGMENTS: ###. WHAT IS YOUR NAME AND YOUR EX'S NAME? (Introduction) #1. What was your favorite aspect about the other person? #2. How did you break it to your friends and family? #3. At some point, did you ever feel like you were holding the other back?

We decided to bring together pairs of ex-lovers, iconic and famous all around the world, for a little Q&A. Welcome to Exes and Oh’s! Our special guests for today are none other than Isagi Yoichi and Y/n L/n! A pair whom the public deem as the biggest cliché. From being introduced to each other since childhood, to becoming high school sweethearts, their relationship was as adorable as it was tooth-rottingly sweet! They were, according to netizens, the definition of #relationshipgoals. But as they warn, not everything is at it seems, for the couple went into radio silence, no mentions or sighting with each other, until they suddenly announced their split!

###. WHAT IS YOUR NAME AND YOUR EX’S NAME? (Introduction)

“My name is Y/n L/n, a food vlogger on my YouTube where people know me as ‘Y/n.eats’, and my ex’s name is Isagi Yoichi”

“I’m Isagi Yoichi, lead vocalist of ‘EGOIST/S’, and my ex is food vlogger Y/n L/n.”

#1. What was your favorite aspect about the other person?

▶ PLAYING: Y/N L/N

“For me, it was always how Yoichi knew me the best.”

“He knew how I liked certain flavors more than others so he always got those kinds whenever he bought snacks. He knew how I sometimes forgot to eat whenever I was so focused on studying, so he set an alarm to remind me.”

“How do you think he kept up with all of your likes and dislikes?”

You snicker as you reply, “Don’t tell him, but I kinda caught him with a list of them on his phone. But for some, I’d like to think he knew by heart. Like knowing me was muscle memory.”

Unbeknownst to the audience, the camera crew behind were aw-ing at the thought and even sharing knowing looks. And if anyone were ever to mention the loving smile on your face, then you'd have to answer to that. It's their job after all, isn't it?

"Y/n? Have you seen my phone anywhere?" Yoichi asks from a few rooms over. The noise you must've heard a while ago was most probably him. "I'll check!" Getting up from the spot on your shared bed, you check the bedside drawers.

A familiar blue case with a Polaroid picture met your eyes. You'd found it. You were just about to yell that you had it when a notification from a familiar number caught your eye. One of your favorite restaurants.

Curious, you decide to open it, only for the screen to show with Yoichi's notes app. The particular note is numbered one to three with your top three restaurants, even containing a bulleted list under each one listing out what you liked from there.

When you scroll down, there are more lists and checkboxes, all in the same format ranging from tourist spots, ice cream flavors, snacks, brands, and whatever. Your heart warms at the sight. It doesn't help that he has a list of your dislikes and allergies too.

There's a knock on the doorway and you're quick to turn the phone off. Luckily, your back was facing the door. "Hey, I was just about to tell you I found it." Sighing in relief, he quickly approaches you, peppering your face with kisses. "Thanks, baby."

"I should be thanking you."

He blankly stares. His head tilts and inside his mind, he's running through every single surprise he had planned on his phone. He's just about to panic when you caress his cheek with a lovesick smile, "So, we're going somewhere tonight then?"

He relaxes in your hold and laughs. You don't get off easy though. He's quick to jump on you, tickling your sides, "How much did you see, hm?" You've fallen down on the bed, him leaning over you with a toothy grin on his face.

"Yoichi—! Stop!"

"Not until you tell me how much you saw!"

"I just saw the notification—! Stop it!" There are tears in your eyes when he pulls away and you're heaving. He chuckles at your state and you can't help but playfully smack his chest. Breathless, you crack a defeated but amused smile, "Now will you let me go?"

"And why would I do that?"

"Unless you don't want me to get ready for our date tonight then be my guest." He's never let go of you so quickly in his life.

#1. What was your favorite aspect about the other person?

▶ PLAYING: ISAGI YOICHI

He thinks for a while, “She always knew what to do in different situations. I’ve always admired her for it.”

“Could you elaborate for us?”

“She knows exactly what to say, what to do, and she especially knew what to eat. ”

“You’d just be having a bad day and she’s suddenly setting the table with the comforting smell that reminds you of your mother's cooking but better —he nervously chuckles— sorry mom."

The crew behind the camera laughs alongside him, "She was just— Her existence in and out of itself brought me comfort."

Isagi Yoichi doesn't know if he's had this bad of a day ever in his life. Yes, he's exaggerating, but his day was just that shitty. He wasn't playing on the level he usually was, his teammates weirdly ticked him off no matter what they did, and he just couldn't think. He has an inkling why. No, he knows exactly why.

The events of the previous night flash in his head one by one. Him arriving at your shared apartment late at night, and you, awake and grumpy, sitting on the couch. He recalls the arguing, and then you sleeping in the guest bedroom.

Then came the overthinking as he laid on your supposed-to-be shared bed, alone. It's always been a weakness of his. That he looks too much into things. It's something he's admitted himself.

It's the next day now, and when he opens the door, he expects silence. Maybe you'd gone to a friend's or just stayed away from the place, but he was surprised to smell the scent of Tonkatsu floating around. His stomach growls and he's swiftly walking to the kitchen.

His heart lifts up when he sees you setting the table. You two meet eyes for the first time in a few hours and he feels like everything's much clearer now.

With a partly opened mouth, he's about to spit out his apologies and essays but you send him a pointed look and he gets the message. He's sat and digging into his food, with you right across from him. Yoichi speaks up first, "I'm sorry."

You don't look impressed and he thinks you're still mad until you speak up. "I forgive you, but please don't talk with your mouth full." He blinks, swallows, then lets out a boisterous laugh.

The tension in his shoulders disappears along with the wrinkle in his brow. The sight makes you smile. "We can talk about it later, right now, I think I just want to pamper my boyfriend who obviously had a stick up his ass the whole day."

He rolls his eyes, "Which one of the guys told you?"

"All of them."

"Snitches."

"Barou was complaining the most though, saying how you were so snappy, your plays were so boring, how you weren't even worth paying attention to on the field." You list out the king's complaints, holding back your laughter at his betrayed expression.

He softens up though when you wipe the mess on his lips, "M'always going to be proud of you, baby."

He's suddenly reminded that if the day ends with you, then there's no possibility it'll ever be shitty.

#2. How did you break it to your friends and family?

▶ PLAYING: Y/N L/N

“Friends, it wasn’t that climactic. But for our parents, —you wince— it was hard, especially since I practically grew up with his family alongside mine."

"There was this sort of understood agreement between everyone in our families that we were going to end up together at some point.”

A fond smile appears on your face, "His mother started to call me her daughter-in-law as a joke which just kept running through the years.” You chuckle, and it dies down to a sigh, “To me, they were already family, always have been, ever since the beginning.”

▶ PLAYING: ISAGI YOICHI

“For my friends, I sort of just slipped it in a conversation. For our parents though, they were kinda devastated. You’d think it was their relationship! —he laughs— but then again, I remember how they were so excited when we told them.”

Isagi smiles sadly, a faraway look in his eyes. Now conscious of his expression, he immediately perks up, “Did you know they even bet on when we’d make it official?”

"What's with the set-up Yoichi?" Iyo Isagi, his mother asks. "Right, you two seem so tense." Your mother quips, sitting on a sofa with your father across from Yoichi's parents. Meanwhile, you and Yoichi are on single seaters, the distance painfully obvious to no one but you two.

You avoid their eyes, having them wander along the Isagi household. The halls you used to run around with him, the kitchen you'd always sneak into when the two of you were hungry, the TV where you cried over your shows while Yoichi sat next to you with tissues, water, and a smile that just said 'What am I going to do with you?'

"Mom,—he starts— Y/n and I had a serious conversation about this and we've made our decision." Your heart drops when both of your moms lock eyes and you can almost imagine the sparkles around the two of them.

"Are you two finally engaged?!" They chorus. Your dads let out noises of complaint, "Looks like we lost this bet too, Issei." Your dad huffs and Issei Isagi, Yoichi's dad, lets out a defeated smile. It's a different story for the both of you though.

You're horrified at their excitement while Yoichi feels a lump in his throat. And while he doesn't have it with him, the weight of the ring he bought felt like it was dragging him down. "No, Mom, we're not engaged...nor will we be..." They visibly deflate at the last part, now staring in confusion.

"Mom, Dad, Y/n and I have decided to break up."

#3. At some point, did you ever feel like you were holding the other back?

▶ PLAYING Y/N L/N:

“Ah…”

There’s a pressure that lands a hit in your chest, a bitterness that rises from your throat. “Well, obviously being in a band or pursuing music isn’t easy. It was manageable at first since they were just doing small gigs and all, but then they went on international tours and then it just… I think we bit off more than we could chew.” The smile you give is bitter and painful.

“How so?”

“There was the time difference, the distance, the doubt—” Your voice dies off quietly, “the guilt…”

“But y’know, we had our own separate lives and at that point, I guess we just had to figure out who we were when we were separated. Yoichi went on to become a musician famous all around the world, while I did what I loved and began vlogging.”

“I think that feeling...it’s when I saw him onstage in person that I realized. There was that lingering feeling that, maybe we were just supposed to end on different paths. He was born to be on the world stage, to be a star."

"But then I thought, next to him, what would I be? And the thought came up that maybe, I was baggage.”

You don't know how long it's been since your boyfriend haphazardly rang the doorbell and barged into your hotel room. You don't know how he managed to do it unnoticed either. But all that mattered in that moment was that he was there, in your arms, physically with you.

"Yoichi?" A tired groan vibrates through you, his face buried in the crook of your neck. "What brought this on? Weren't you supposed to be staying at the hotel near the venue?"

"Just wanted to see you." Your fingers thread through his dark hair. It's peaceful and serene, in the dim light of your hotel room, his shoes and a bag that was messily packed, lying near the doorway. The smell of his signature cologne floods your nose.

Yet there's this weird feeling in your stomach. A feeling that warns you, reminds you that in the morning he's going to disappear again. Not literally. But he's going to be on the world stage. And it hits you then that you're scared. Terrified, even, that he might go to where you can't follow.

But then you think, doesn't he deserve that much and more? The boy who you learned how to bike with, the boy who always came with you to buy snacks, the boy who was your other half, the boy who always gushed and dreamed about standing tall, on a bigger, brighter stage.

And when he wakes you up before the sun rises, gathers his things, and kisses you goodbye, you're left in the hotel room, stuck with the uneasy and sinking feeling, that he left you behind again.

#3. At some point, did you ever feel like you were holding the other back?

▶ PLAYING: ISAGI YOICHI

“When we first got big, a lot of the staff were surprised cause I apparently adapted really easily, but that didn’t stay the same with other people. Y/n…she had to sacrifice a lot to support me.”

“Really? Like what?”

“She missed out on a few classes to go to gigs, traveled hours just to meet up with me, and always made sure to check in every single day."

The expression on his face becomes strained, "Out of college, she traveled everywhere with me which is why she resorted to vlogging since staying in one place wasn’t an option. Honestly, I messed up a lot as a boyfriend.”

“Why do you think so?”

“I missed important dates cause of events or touring, and I just—she didn’t deserve someone who couldn’t even be there to act as a boyfriend in the first place.”

The clocks around the establishment look like they're mocking Isagi. Obviously, they're not, but to him, it surely feels like it. It's been almost three hours since the time he promised he would meet up with you, and he's only just arrived.

The little restaurant gives a homey feel, with warm lighting, and trinkets around every corner. They're already closing up, evident by the clatter the staff is making behind the counter. Standing right by the cashier though, is a grandma he vividly remembers visiting every week as a child with you.

"Yoichi? Is that you? Oh my goodness it is! Come, come!" So now here he ended up, a bowl of her specially made ramen for a very special customer or so she says. "Y'know, my grandchildren are really big fans of yours! You've really made a name for yourself haven't you?"

He chuckles, embarrassed at the flattery. "Oh I remember when you were younger and you and little Y/n would always enter the shop together, ordering the same thing, and sitting at the same pair of seats every time." And just when his mood was lifting up.

"She was here a while ago, poor girl looked a little upset." She suddenly looks at him sternly, "You better have not done anything, young man." He gulps and nods.

It was partly true. He didn't do anything, didn't try to insist on getting out of the meeting or the surprise fan meet-up, which landed him in his current predicament. "Honestly, everyone had high expectations for that girl, which is why it was surprising to see her doing something like food vlogging.”

She chuckles, "Always encouraged her to go into medicine, that one, so she could help me when I got old haha! Well, to each their own."

Everyone always had their expectations for you, but what was your dream? Have you ever expressed what you wanted to do? In all his years of knowing you, Yoichi couldn't remember. You've always put others first. Your friends, your parents, Him.

The thought sent Yoichi reeling, glaring at his food like it'd just committed a crime. To each their own indeed, but did you really have a choice?

###EXTRA EPISODE: THE HAPPIEST THIRD WHEELER: BACHIRA MEGURU

[suuho]

Omg Kaz if you are too busy it's absolutely not obligatory but I was wondering if you could make a list of videos for getting to know got7? Like the one you made for pentagon! I don't know anything about got7 but I would like to and you always seem to have so many cool recommendations! Again only if you have the time and want to!! Thank you :-)

hi!!! i am not too busy! i'm aghase for life so i am very happy to help you out here, got7 is seriously one of the best groups ever, and one of the top 2 groups to come out of jyp. it's crazy that they got it so right twice in a row. 2pm are, like, the godfathers of got7, and it is actually pretty endearing to see that some of them are very close! junho considers jinyoung of got7 his dongsaeng and they are very good friends (as seen on junho's most recent i live alone appearance). more under the cut!

anyways. so, got7 are, in age order: mark (rapper, visual, american member), jayb (leader, main vocal), jackson (main rapper, face of the group, chinese member), jinyoung (lead vocal, dancer, visual, center, face of the group), youngjae (main vocal), bambam (rapper, thai member), yugyeom (main dancer, vocal, maknae).

the entire rap line of got7 is the international line or called the atk (amerithaikong) line, which is insane if you think about it. entire rap line (rap!!!!) made of some dudes who aren't even performing in their first language. that takes guts and talents. every member in the group has either produced or written songs for got7, jaebeom is their primary producer, but so are jinyoung and youngjae. yugyeom, too. jinyoung has been known to choreograph for the group, and vigilantly monitors their performances. bambam is the most fashion forward member and it is all over his body of work, which is so exciting.

jackson is jackson, like, that is literally jackson wang and if you open youtube and type in his name you will find tons of videos because he is really the face of the group and a very well established solo artist, too. here is his latest big single blow which is truly a serve, the earworm inducing 100 ways, and my personal favorite LMLY. here is jackson answering the web's most searched questions and his little stint on the late late show with james corden.

anyways, moving on.

got7 song association, elle; this is a very easy and breezy intro to who got7 is and their very own, personal brand of clownery.

got7 takes a friendship test, glamour; this is one of my favorite videos of got7, and my comfort video too. it is funny and sweet and you learn a lot about the members and their chemistry.

7 things you don't know about got7, mtv news; another easy and fun one.

Interview with people tv; probably their most iconic interview for a lot of hysterical reasons. this is 24 minutes long but not a single minute is wasted.

got7 hard carry season 2 & 2.5; so, the entirety of this was on got7's vlive channel but vlive has been eaten by weverse (fuck hybe, man) so here is a youtube playlist of some bits and pieces. this was the show that made me fall irrevocably in love with got7. season 2.5 is on youtube in its entirety, and i'm pretty sure if you look for season 2 on the usual sites, they might have uploaded it there.

got7's TMI lab, M2; what it says on the tin. the first episode is not subbed, so just start with the second. lots of fun nonsense here. got7 truly are variety idol royalty.

performances:

nanana mv; their latest comeback and the first after leaving jyp.

crash & burn, be original; yugyeom and jackson choreographed this. one of the coolest performances they have ever done.

crash & burn, music bank; they performed live here and i always include this in my recs because of youngjae's stunning live adlibs (at 3:00). he is on par with minjun of 2pm as the best vocalist jyp has ever had. it's truly bonkers.

you are van live; this is my favorite got7 title track and this is one of the best and funniest and realest things they have ever done. live performers.

never ever cooking live; they sing and decorate a cake. what is not to adore.

1° tape; their live performance of spinning top's 1°. one of the best songs in their entire discography, written by yugyeom. everyone is so stunning here, especially youngjae.

if you do, mbc music festival; iconic performance of an absolutely perfect track. they slowed it down in the first half but the performance does not suffer whatsoever.

just right comeback stage; their big breakthrough hit. like 2pm, rookie got7 were known for their intense martial arts choreography.

lullaby pyjama version; live in living color, baby! this song has insanely fun choreography.

AAA awards medley; the greatest to ever do it. absolute beasts.

poison, be original; this is just a great song with such clever choreography (by jinyoung, yugyeom and jackson), once again. there is one performance where jinyoung forgot his handkerchief.

runaway, 6th fanmeeting; the only time they performed the greatest track in their entire discography live. written and produced by jinyoung.

breath (written and produced by youngjae), you are, fan favorite page, encore, not by the moon, thursday, you calling my name (including yugyeom’s very own gashina moment)

on top of it all, the members all have solo careers. jaebeom has  released under his stage name jay b (including the breakdancing he was known for in got7) and his producer tag Def. yugyeom is at AOMG, which houses LeeHi and GRAY, and has released quite a bit solo stuff. his collab with gray, all your fault, is absolutely brilliant and required listening. bambam is at abyss now, the same label sunmi is at, and has shown the world that he is a true allrounder. he is now a fixed cast member of variety show master in the house.

youngjae is at sublime, the very same company handling all of jackson's korean releases, and i just want them to finally make jjap jjap project a real thing. here they both are on youngjae's radio show, best friend! youngjae starred in midnight sun (musical) last year, and he starred in so not worth it, netflix's first korean sitcom, and it is as delightful as it sounds. his solo music is very poppy and cool; here is sugar, his latest comeback. youngjae is such a special case because he only trained for a few months after he got into jyp, and then debuted straight off the bat as the main vocal. he won awards in high school for his singing and he made it a point to often perform fully live (occasionally blowing out his voice in the process, but hey, that's dedication.)

jinyoung is the most established actor in all of got7. he most recently starred in the second season of yumi's cells, and the tvn drama The Devil Judge (HUGE recommendation). he had a cameo in the first episode of reborn rich, and starred in he is psychometric and when my love blooms. he has just released his first solo album, but his first ever solo release dive is outstanding. perfect pop rock.

mark has released an entire solo album, including the singles last breath, my life, and lonely. those songs are so mind-bogglingly good, it is hard to comprehend that got7's most introverted member just came out of the gate swinging right away.

their best albums imo are: spinning top, call my name, 7 for 7, breath of love, and the entire flight log trilogy that has to be seen as a full body of work.

flight log is got7's own, lore heavy narrative (like bts' most beautiful moment), that starts with flight log: departure and corresponding title track fly, is continued by flight log: turbulence and iconic got7 banger hard carry, and ends with flight log: arrival and the incomparable never ever. jinyoung is the protagonist of the story, and it is all very, y'know. life and death. very tragic and beautiful.

ah, i think this is quite enough, sorry! i hope this can be of any help to you. thank you so much for that nice ask, i had a lot of fun compiling this. ♡

[mashihope]

❥ [DKB] Their makeup is done by their crush (Hyung line)

(This mini moodboard is made by me; I don’t own any of the pics.)

• Members: E-Chan, D1, Teo, GK, Heechan

• Group: DKB

• Warning: Mentions of food and the word "kill"

• Synopsis: You wanted to practice your makeup skills and decided to ask him to be your model. Little did you know, you're actually his crush!

[Note: I have zero knowledge about makeup, some things will probably make no sense at all, sorry about that]

Maknae line

E-Chan

He didn't think much about it when you suggested practicing your makeup skills on him.

He was just happy to be able to help you :) (and be with you, of course)

He kept looking at every single thing you did, from your hands moving around the table to prepare the stuff you needed, to your eyebrows frowning every now and then while trying to be focused.

He knew you didn't realize it but whenever you messed up a little bit, your nose scrunched in the cutest way possible, making his eyes shoot hearts towards you 🥺

He tried to throw a few encouraging words here and there, with a soft tone in hopes he wouldn't startle you; "Oh, so you're going to use that now? It will probably go well with that color you used before!" (while giving you a sweet smile and a thumbs up), "I see, you're using this to tone down the eye shadow, nice move"

You've been quiet most of the time, wanting to do a perfect job (perks of being a perfectionist) without getting distracted with the fact of being so close to Changmin's face (if only you knew he was trying to put that thought aside too...!)

He couldn't help but daydream while looking at every single feature of yours, not even trying to hold back a smile, but you thought he was just being his usual nice self.

He looked peaceful and relaxed on the outside but he actually got really shy and nervous every time your eyes met, feeling those stupid wings flying inside his stomach and making him wonder if you would actually hear how loud his heart was suddenly beating...

"Changmin... have you eaten?" but you heard his stomach growling instead, making him blush.

"Uh..." he couldn't help but let out a nervous giggle, he was so embarrased.

"You're lucky that I'm here, coincidentally my mom gave me this morning some *insert a korean food here* that she made. You should try it, she's a really good cook!"

Having to spend time with you and actually eating something your mom has made? He should buy some lotto because today's his lucky day!

D1

You were friends with Heechan, you didn't actually know Dongil.

The thing is, their stylist had to go home that morning because she didn't feel okay, and Dongil had already made a promise yesterday that he would make a Live with Harry at night after practice.

Heechan knows how good of a beauty vlogger you are, so he recommended you to Dongil.

You were surprised by the time you arrived at the practice room, he looked so shy, unlike in the random videos you had seen around YouTube before.

He was so polite, however, and bowed a few times out of nervousness, "I'm D1 but you can call me Dongil. I hope we can get along nicely"

"Hyung, we're not filming an interview, take it easy" Harry was dancing around the room while listening to xiker's Tricky House, unbothered.

"He's right, try to think of me as your usual stylist, okay?" you smiled, making your eyes almost fade away and showing a little dimple.

"Heechan, I'm gonna kill you after this" he felt his ears getting warmer after that, making him even more nervous.

"Okay, we'll start with sorting out the colors that will potentially look good on you, based on your skin tone, hair and outfit" you said in a excited tone, opening your makeup bag.

"Do you do this often? It looks like you know what you're doing" he said half smiling, while "playing" with his ear.

"Oh, so he didn't tell you? I have a YouTube channel, I guess you've never came across it before" you giggled while holding an eyeshadow palette beside his face, trying to see if any of those colors would work.

"Really...? We actually have a friend who..."

He started to talk non-stop about said friend, making Harry laugh in the process, already invested in BTS' ON choreo.

"That's... nice" it was cute, he was cute in fact, the way he had been rambling about it.

"By the way, you have a really pretty skin tone" you were putting a little bit of foundation on his face, thinking that he really didn't need that much because his skin looked good already.

"You're welcome... I mean! Thank you!" if he had been sitting on a chair, he would have fallen to the floor. Harry laughed once again (messing up the steps), amused by his older brother's suffering.

"Heechan didn't mention you'd be this cute, what a surprise"

The blush on his ears spread to his face and prayed that you wouldn't notice.

"Hey, my mom uses that" he pointed to the perfume bottle that was sticking out of your bag, and talked about how nice it's scent was and how much he had missed it.

"When I was on my way to this room, there was a certain scent in the hallway that reminded me of a trip I made with my siblings last year, it was the first time we were going on a trip together without our parents and it made really good memories... Turns out you were the one behind it!"

He didn't know what to say after that, so he talked instead about that time he went on a trip with his parents, the butterfly that scared him when he opened the bathroom door, the shirt he bought in the store that was next to the hotel and somehow what he ate yesterday.

"Dongil?" "Y-yeah?" "I'm done"

He was startled to hear those words, "No! I-I'm sorry, I'll be quiet from now on, I swear!"

"Oh, silly, I mean I'm done with your makeup!" you giggled, giving him your pocket mirror. It seems that he hadn't noticed that he had been talking for the past 20 minutes.

"Oh... I... Actually look good?" he was shocked as if he had never seen his own reflection before.

"Of course you do! You did the most part of it, honestly. Anything would look good on you"

"Oh, uh... Would you like to stay for a while?"

"I can't, but we can catch up another day on that story about that little boy who mistook you for Sunwoo from The Boyz!"

Dongil received a message from Heechan during their Live, "So, how did it go? :)"

"Y/N looks better in person than in the videos!"

Teo

Seongsik accepted quite fast... Helping you and actually having to pass some time with you, why wouldn't he?

Actually, he didn't really have anything better to do and was feeling really bored before you visited the dorms, but you will never know that.

"Did you think about anyone else before me? Ah, of course you didn't, you would never find any other face like this out there"

A quiet "wtf...?" almost escaped your lips, you silently judged him after whatever it was that he had going on.

When you turned around to face him again, he was sitting on the kitchen's counter, trying to look like a model with his gaze upon the horizon...

But he actually looked stupid.

"I should have asked Seongmin", you mumbled under your breath, already tired like a kindergarten teacher that has to look after a bunch of wild and hyperactive kids.

He looked confused when you told him to sit on an actual chair, "But I looked stunning sitting up there though...?"

You were debating between cleaning everything up and going home or actually doing his makeup; you didn't know if he was acting like that for real or just to annoy you, but he was doing a great job.

You tried to remember why you chose to do this in the first place every time he threw a pickup line... A LOT OF DUMB AND CHEESY ONES.

"Aside from being sexy, do you know what else I do for a living?"

"Seongsik, that's not how it works."

For some reason, he couldn't stop picking things up from the table, playing with the brushes and trying to tickle your face.

"One more time and I'll shove this pencil up your-"

"You're trying to look so serious, for what? You haven't smiled once since you came earlier" he tilted his head, looking surprisingly cute (but you'll never admit it though)

"I'm worried" "Why" "You didn't smile after I opened the door"

You rolled your eyes, unsure if he was joking or not because you were actually wearing a mask when that happened.

After what seemed to be hours of silence, he decided to finally make moves, "now or never", he couldn't stop thinking about it.

"I think this lipstick shade would look gorgeous on you, don't you think?", he said nonchalantly while looking at the lipstick container you were closing after putting it on him.

"I'm already wearing-"

You looked at him without realizing he had already got closer to you...

But didn't have time to react once you felt his lips on yours, a soft kiss filled with love and adoration.

You suddenly forgot about the makeup session, with wide eyes and red cheeks after he broke the kiss, checking your reaction and worried of you getting mad at him.

But he actually laughed when he found out that he had made your serious and annoyed façade disappear.

"I guess the boys were right and you do love me after all"

"Shut up" you approached the sink to wash your face in hopes it would stop burning (but failed)

GK

You were able to see all the question marks above his head, trying to understand your words while leaning on the wall with crossed arms, (you know, trying to look like the baddest bad boy... keyword, "trying")

You were holding back a giggle because his eyes were all above the place, in hopes they would land on anything that wasn't you.

"...why me?" is all that he said after processing your request, finally looking at you, "why not?" "...but why, though?"

Once you got him out of his confused state, you had to keep repeating the same words, "no, you don't have to pay me. No, Brave Entertainment didn't send me. No, Gwanghyun, I don't wan't money" (funny enough, someone outside passed by while listening to Lisa's Money)

He is really stubborn, and he couldn't help but think about how this could be seen as how their stylists work almost everyday, refusing to let you do it for free.

He had to drink a whole water bottle before sitting down LMAO

Once you sighed after giving up, he tried really hard to go back to his "bad boy" self, but he was just an anxious mess overthinking every single word that miraculously came out of his mouth.

"Would you mind if I...?", he asked showing you the screen of his phone, where it seemed to be his (also) "bad boy" playlist.

He felt better after the music started to play because he thought it would help him relax, but...

BUT

He noticed you were paying attention to the lyrics when you frowned, as if you were judging him now because of the words that rapper just said.

"Why did I get myself into this?", those words were echoing in his brain because you were quiet, almost too quiet...

"Wait", he suddenly froze after noticing the shapes you just made in his cheeks with a soft pink blush, "Did you just...?" "Yup 😊" "Did you seriously just...?"

You laughed, being no longer able to hold it back. He looked at you in disbelief, "Why would you put hearts on my cheeks? Do you find it funny? Do I look funny to you?" he gestured his hands around his face, making the situation look even more funny.

You made a bet with him; if he made a Live like that, you would accept the money he already decided to give you but if he washed his face before the Live he would have to accept only cute outfits from the stylists from now on.

...guess who's paying for everything on a date next friday?

Heechan

He overheard you talking about it with Changmin on his way to the practice room.

When he was about to go through the door (none of you knowing he was there yet), you lowered your voice and told Changmin that it would be your first time doing someone else's makeup and you were actually really scared of doing something wrong.

He leant on the wall waiting until the leader left the practice room.

"Hey, you, stop. Well, no, don't stop, but, you know what I mean" he was mumbling because his heart started to beat fast when you turned around and looked at him.

You tried to explain him what you wanted to do, which he nodded to with a comforting smile after you finished.

He could see that you didn't feel confident at all, so he made a promise to himself that he would make you smile at least one time, in hopes that would make some of those negative thoughts go away for a while.

"Okay, so" he held your cold hands after noticing they were shaking, "you can start by telling me what kind of style you're going for"

"I... I don't actually know, to be honest... I just wanted to try something that could look good on you..." you were looking at the floor, not even daring to look into his eyes.

"Do you have any ideas to work with?" he placed his hand sofly on your chin, trying to make you look at him.

"Hmm... I saved some of your Twitter photos earlier, but I don't know if you would like any of those"

That made his heart beat faster again, you've just admited you have photos of him on your gallery, OF HIM, not even Junseo or Yuku!

"You can do whatever you want with my face, I'm sure anything would look nice. I've seen a lot of your posts before, you always look good no matter the makeup style, so I guess you could even turn me into V if you wanted to"

"Why would I do that?" you raised an eyebrow, almost offended by the way he suddenly implied he didn't already look good.

The next 15 minutes passed surprisingly quickly. He was lost in thought about what he could possibly say to make you feel better after you became even more quiet, as if you had got mad earlier.

You assumed he was the one who got mad at you, judging by the expression on his face, so you were worried and decided you wouldn't say anything else that could annoy him.

"Why did I have to f*ck things up this much? He probably thinks I'm annoying :("

And then, when you turned around after picking up a brush, he greeted you with one of his "ugly" but funny faces, catching you off guard.

You stumbled and fell to the ground while laughing, out of all things you could have expected him to do, that surely wasn't one of them, but it wasn't unusual either.

"If you find dumb things funny, you should watch that new movie, are you free next wednesday?" he said without actually thinking about the meaning of the words that just escaped his mouth, starting to blush almost as much as you.

"I... You... Let's get on with this!" you tried to focus on what you were supposed to be doing, trying not to overthink what he said nor read too much into it.

He smiled to himself, proud of his little but brave achievement... I guess working for Brave Entertainment has its benefits after all?

[eeemarvel]

Is there any superhero media like The Boys, or Invincible or something that the Hero Reform cast have seen? I'd love to know their opinions on it, especially characters like Viktor, Phichit or Pyre!😊

This is a great question and the short answer is yes. I haven't seen every superhero show out there (the ones you've mentioned are on my list but I haven't gotten around to watching them yet). I can give some general vibes for what the squad likes:

Victor is 50/50 on shows like this. Sometimes he really enjoys watching the DC animated series with Yuri P as just a chill thing to have on while they talk, play with Makka, or are on their phones. Or sometimes they actually pay full attention to the show. Other times, it's just too stressful for Victor to watch. He's either yelling angrily at the screen when a hero makes a bad decision/mistake, or he's like low key emotionally triggered by the bad things that happen in the show. So it's not necessarily that Victor has a favorite hero show to watch, but there are things that he will watch if he's with someone or if the whole squad wants to watch a movie together.

Yuuri and Phichit watch all the shows. All of them. Whenever they have free time, they're eating junk food and turning on the newest episode of whatever. Both of them are the biggest hero nerds. Not only are they watching every single hero show/movie out there (bad or good, quality doesn't matter to them) and critiquing them as they do, they stay tuned into irl hero news. They watch major fights on youtube, follow all the heroes on social media (in Phichit's case), and repeat random one-liners from hero interviews to each other as inside jokes. I hesitate to say what everyone's favorite heroes are here because that may be a spoiler so. Yeah. Big old nerds over here.

Pyre I honestly think wants to be interested in hero shows and movies, but he can't get past the first few minutes of anything without getting the itch to burn something. It's like he sees people on screen using their powers and he's like "i wanna do that" or "I could do that so much better if I weren't in these damn cuffs". I think the most of anything he watches is the news. He's not a news buff, he just wants to watch real life heroes in action to figure out their fighting style and get ideas for his next tussles. Maybe some ideas for pushing their buttons too.

This is such a delightful ask but I hesitate to talk about the bois' hero preferences too in depth at this point in case of spoilers. <333

[dragonpurrs]

Hey! So I'm on a mission to make sure the alterhuman/non-human/otherkin/and so many others/ communities are properly represented. I'm a snow leopard kin and voidkin myself and know that there are a lot of misconceptions about us, a long with just not much information on some certain topics about our communities. With all of that being said, if you were to see more writing about our communities, what do you think needs to be mentioned more often?

Oh hi! Well, first I'll be seconding what Nova had to say on the subject. Aside from that, I feel like a lot of people have it in their heads that alterhumanity is purely 100% only a spiritual/past life type deal for every single one of us, which is of course not true!

I think also, more writings from alterhumans who aren't living things/fall outside the bounds of what can be easily grasped. Plenty of folks here are alterhuman with the vast expanse of space, rocks, toys...you name it! I don't have high hopes for our public perception in the near future, but more positivity around identifying "strangely" in general... It's so disheartening to see people like Toco (Youtube: I want to be an animal) bullied relentlessly for existing and being happy. I dunno. Being Strange Positivity I guess. You CAN put rocks in your mouth (just don't swallow them)! I feel like going "haha no we do not sleep in cages" is I guess...misguided? What if some of us DO wanna sleep in a giant cage with a doggy bed? SO WHAT? Who is that hurting? Especially in times like these, it's important to not reinforce stigma within our community, when there is already so much outside of it. Also, well, more writings in different languages! I recently joined a Spanish speaking alterhuman community and it was SO heartening to be in...I'm Latino and getting to speak with alterhumans who speak Spanish expanded my world, I met alterhumans who are like me and others who are not like me, that I never would have met if there was no Spanish speaking community at all. A lot of our community documentation is, well, A. Fairly new and B. In English. I believe we had a bit of a moment at Othercon this year discussing a potential alterhuman language learning/exchange server - I think that's a wonderful idea! Perhaps a "Resource translation community" is in order as well. Expanding on what Nova said about fictionfolk, I definitely think a "Clearing up misconceptions" is in order after the uh, well...The Incident™. If you've ever seen someone use the term "Kinning" to mean "This is my blorbo" you know what I'm talking about. And honestly just more on fictionfolk in general. The Incident™ really hurt the way fictionfolk are viewed, and the way they may view themselves in turn. I think that would help a lot. Moving on from discussion of The Incident™, I really liked the alterhuman etiquette panel during Othercon this year! I'd love to see more input on that subject. Oh and finally, as a word of caution: Generally speaking, if [News outlet] or [Journalist] who is not a KNOWN member of the community that YOU KNOW YOU CAN TRUST reaches out for an interview, say NO! News media "interviews" for alterhumans are used mostly to exploit and bully us for views and money. If you want to go through with applying for an interview, documentary, whatever VERIFY they are who they say they are, LOOK at their track record (have they interviewed other 'weird' communities? how polite were they? what do the comments look like? what sort of community do they foster?) and DO NOT HESITATE TO ASK OTHER PEOPLE IN THE COMMUNITY FOR HELP!!!

[uiruu]

i’ve never seen a full episode of breaking bad or better call saul but i’ve watched pretty much every major scene on youtube and i’ve watched a bunch of video essays and i’ve listened to my partner talk about the shows and like normally i’d be opposed to really popular things that everyone likes but those shows are actually legitimately amazing. i should watch full episodes sometime. but i also wonder how much of the shows i havent seen.

anyway, i would watch better call saul. tbh it seems more interesting to me. 

im not overstating it when i say i've watched probably almost everything there is... at least all the story beats. and i've watched interviews and essays and all sorts of things to connect the dots. everything was pretty much out of order but idk im good at figuring it out. i've never really been good at following things in order like that... i need to just consume the entire breadth of the story at once, you know? i was like that with books back in school and stuff. usually i only actually watch serieses in order after i've either already spoiled every single thing that happens, or i watched it week-by-week as it came out initially and now i can go back and binge it. if i'm watching something from the beginning and i have a question about how something ends up... i will often google it before continuing in the series. i kinda wish i didnt do that one lmao, but whatever, it doesnt actually hurt my enjoyment much. because for me... the number one thing about breaking bad and better call saul is not necessarily the story itself... it's the craft of how it was made. i love the writing and the acting and the directing and so while i've spoiled everythign about the plot.. watching and thinking about those things cant really be spoiled. you know what i mean?

like... a brilliant shot is gonna be brilliant even if i’ve already seen before. and rather than being hooked on the twists and turns of the plot, i like to think critically about the way those twists and turns were executed, how they were led up to and the ramifications afterwards, that sort of thing. i dont need to be surprised by it.

anyway im bad at watching things (and also reading things) and i definitely wouldnt say to anyone that i’ve watched these shows, but i’ve thought a lot about them and i’ve seen most things that people would reference, lol. but i should watch it for real, too. i should do that. just so that i dont have to put an asterisk every time i wanna talk about it, haha

[rainbowsandalchemy]

Color Response 5: 27 and Me

Response to TED video-Angelica Dass: The Beauty of Human Skin in Every Color

After watching Angelica Dass share her personal story and the incredible photography she created for her Humanae project, I really started to think about the technical aspects of rendering and representing human skin tones. I recalled an interview with Bisa Butler on Debbie Millman’s “Design Matters” podcast. Bisa, who originally studied painting at Howard University before becoming a quilter, described the many colors she used to create rich and nuanced skin tones in her portraits. I immediately felt ashamed because, for most of my life, I begrudgingly accepted the orange-peach “flesh tone” crayon which seemed like a sad afterthought and didn’t match any natural skin tone that I had ever seen. 

The Humanae Project struck me as such an ingenious way to document the unique traits of each person’s skin tone and celebrate a subject’s natural beauty. I also wondered how useful the relatively new skin tone colored pencils produced by Crayola and other manufacturers would be in producing this diverse set of natural skin tones on paper. So, I borrowed two boxes of skin tone colored pencils from my kids’ art supply stash (minus the ones that have disappeared into the couch cushions) and began experimenting. 

The Crayola pencils were much cooler and less saturated than the Mudpuppy pencils. After comparing all options, I decided that an artist would be unable to rely on a single pencil set to create an individual’s skin tone and would likely need both sets of pencils to achieve a realistic result. I then attempted to approximate my skin tone by matching the color I observed in the  rectangles of my optical mixing self portrait onto the sketch paper. I chose the Mudpuppy pencils as a foundation since my skin contains quite a bit of red and is much warmer in temperature than any hue featured in the Crayola “Color the World” palette. Ultimately, I got somewhat close to a match but it was a frustrating process. Neither pencil set permitted the degree of blending and layering you might see in a set of Prismacolor or other high end pencils. 

My ultimate conclusion is that the new skin tone pencils and crayons are a giant step in the right direction, but their capabilities need to be expanded. I am so happy that my kids have more options to select when depicting figures in their coloring books. However, I would like to see continued investment in improving these products so that they can be added to the many tools an artist has to celebrate a subject’s skin tone and represent it accurately using fewer pencils and fewer steps. Until then, YouTube creator and artist Gemma Chambers sums it up quite nicely, if you want to portray skin tone (or any hue) with any level of precision, you have to “look at what you’re drawing and look at what colors you actually see.” There are no short cuts. 

[kylewalker-peters]

Hello!!⭐️ If it's not too much trouble, could you please rec some iconic Spurs games for a newbie to watch? Maybe Poch era or whatever comes to your mind first! If your cool Spursy friends want to rec some as well, I'd love that. Thank you💞 have a good week🙏

OMG yes i'd be more than happy to tell you any games my little goldfish brain can remember!!! firs things first though welcome to spurs!!!!!!! also if anyone else thinks of others hopefully they'll add them cause like my memory's awful

I'll go poch era onwards.

iconic but before 16/17 would be the spurs 2 v arsenal 1 game in 2015, the 5-3 against Chelsea at home but also the battle of the bridge 2-2 which everyone should watch just cause it WILL come up when talking about spurs and it's such a perfect encapsulation of Tottenham being Tottenham and also if i ever see mark clattenburg on the street it's over for that prick.

16/17

idk how many upon reflection are super iconic? even if the season as a whole was but i will say any game where we won by a lot of goals is worth watching just because we were so fun to watch at that time and we did it quite a bit. our home game against Chelsea was the dele show and it was soooooooo good idk how well it holds up on rewatch but like that was the Moment

17/18

again i think there's a couple where we won by a shit ton of goals esp at the end of the season so i'd give them a watch if you have time. we were actually so good in the ucl this season we were so unlucky against juve but i'd deffo recommend the dortmund games and THE real Madrid game at home like lives were changed, history was written, depression cured. the 4-1 thrashing of Liverpool which of course i missed but harry kane sent lovren to the retirement and oh my god i think we also had THE 2-2 game against liverpool this season too which is iconic if not because we were good then just because of the beef that it created. wouldn't watch the whole game but the 2-0 win against united where eriksen scored the opener in 11 seconds. THE WIN AT STAMFORD BRIDGE LITERALLY ICONIC oh my god i have been chasing the high of that game every single day of my life since it happened. the 5-4 against Leicester isn't iconic iconic but it lives in my head rent free for being the most chaotic thing I've ever seen as the scoreline suggests. wait okay like this will not be iconic to you but the 6-1 against rochdale (which was during our Embarrassing era of constantly needing replays) where kwp got his goal in the snow? top of the charts in my household!!!

actually this season had so many good games damn maybe we need to talk about this season more too

18/19

the whole ucl campaign literally the definition of iconic i want to run back into her arms all the time even if the wheels were falling off this club already you could forget it when you were knocking city out of the UCL. idk if the group games are as good now cause we know we got to the final but at the time that shit was literally do or die like we could have gone out on my birthday it was awful. but idk i always like to watch the highlights on youtube from the first group game to the ajax game just for the whole experience again. but obvs the first leg against dortmund, second leg against city, second leg against ajax are some of the most iconic games in spurs history

us beating united 3-0 at old trafford was a good game and "moura is practically like a new signing" was a fun 5 minutes until moura logged into twitter. us beating chelsea at home always good and great and amazing. dele, kane and son scoring we literally used to be such a Club. us knocking arsenal out of the carabao was very funny and iconic of us but i also might just be remembering danny's interview afterwards where he humbled them

19/20

i think our win against city was the only iconic thing we had that whole season. there was iconic in other ways (like losing to colchester) but i would only wish my worst enemy to watch that.

20/21

again iconic games but mostly in a bad way like us v everton in the fa cup. we did smash united 1-6 at old trafford though which was very iconic and cool of us

idk if you need any games after this so i wont cause this is already pretty long but i hope there's at least one good game in here you enjoy watching