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ndconceptarchive · 6 months ago

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Unlocked! The Nancy Drew Podcast

Moriah Angeline & Ryan Drummond | Episode 003

Dec 9, 2016

We've been making transcripts of the various videos on the Her Interactive YouTube channel, and one that will be a continued series is for the official Nancy Drew Podcast up on their channel. They regularly interviewed people involved with the making of these games.

Click on the link above for the podcast itself.

Some more notes than usual on the episode:

Ironically, Ryan Drummond and Moriah Angeline were (and still are) real-life friends and actors before getting cast opposite each other as Rick and Mattie respectively.

They both worked together at SeaWorld before becoming voice actors, and this was Moriah's first-ever voice-acting gig.

It doesn't sound like either of them actually played the game (which I want to make clear that this is understandable, this is a job for these actors after all. If I were a voice actor, I don't know if I'd play every single game that I had lines in either).

They both claimed they didn't play long enough to get to "the level" where you could hear their respective characters... But you meet Mattie and Rick at the beginning of the game.

Lani Minella was also the vocal coach/director for Stay Tuned for Danger, in addition to being cast as Nancy, the cab drivers, and Millie in this game.

Rick's voice is based on an amalgamation of different people Ryan Drummond ran into within the entertainment industry.

Moriah Angeline based Mattie very much on herself in terms of being a "friendly girl next door" type of character.

Ryan says that he may have seen some images of the characters during production, but it's not clear if that was the case since it was so long ago (both Bob Heath and Scott Carty have said the opposite- that they weren't given any visual materials to work with)

Moriah said that they definitely got descriptions of the characters, however.

Tammy has the two reprise their characters once again at the end of the episode.

Tammy Tuckey (TT): Hello fellow detectives. Welcome back to Unlocked, the official podcast for all things Nancy Drew by Her Interactive. Heads up, there will be spoilers in this episode. I'm your host Tammy Tuckey. And this week we welcome the voices behind two of our favorite Stay Tuned for Danger characters, Moriah Angeline, the voice of Maddie Jensen. And Ryan Drummond, the voice of Rick Arlen, welcome you two!

Ryan Drummond (RD): Hi.

Moriah Angeline (MA): Thanks!

TT: It's great to have you guys on this show. I'm a big fan of Stay Tuned for Danger. For some of us, it's actually our favorite (and first) Nancy Drew game. So it's great to be speaking to the Rick Arlen and the Mattie Jensen. Have you guys ever gotten a chance to speak about Stay Tuned for Danger in the past couple of years?

MA: No, I mean, to be honest, I tried playing the game and I couldn't even get to the level where I could hear myself.

RD: I don't think I ever got to where I was speaking either. I think the opening credits, I nailed those and then after that, it was just all downhill from there.

TT: We've already had Bob Heath on the show, who, as I've already previously stated at the beginning of this podcast, we're gonna have spoilers. Bob was the bad guy in this, in this case,

RD: Such a good guy playing a bad guy.

TT: Yeah, I know! Did you guys get to meet him [Bob Heath] at all or any of the other voice cast, like, before recording or afterwards?

RD: Some of them. We kind of all ran in some of the same circles in Southern California, just the whole voiceover community as it were. I don't believe I met anybody during the recording of Stay Tuned for Danger, except I worked with Lani Minella because she was the the vocal coach on the sessions, so she was in studio at the time. But I've met several other of the cast members just on other projects and back in that same time period.

MA: Yeah, You know, to be honest, that was my first voiceover job, so I think I was taking it all in at the time. As Ryan said, I of course knew Lani and worked with her quite a bit. But if I did meet other voice actors, I only remember Ryan because we were already friends.

RD: Yeah, Mariah and I go back a long way.

TT: And it's interesting. I had no idea that this was your first voiceover job, Moriah.

RD: I didn’t know that either.

TT: How did you both enter the entertainment industry?

MA: I was one of those kids who loved to sing and dance. I was in dance recitals when I was younger and then as I was in junior high and high school, I did theater.

As far as voiceovers, I got in through to voice overs through Ryan. We worked together at SeaWorld for about 3 years and he called me up and said, hey, they're looking for some women, some female voices. And I think you should audition. I think you'd be great at it. And so I did. And Nancy Drew was my first job.

RD: Yeah. Kind of the same, the same story as Moriah. I grew up in a theater family. My parents are both retired theater people, teachers and directors. My father directed me in my first ten shows when I was a kid. And so I've just kind of this is all I've done is entertainment stuff my entire life. In fact, it's kind of funny. There's a there's an actor who works in Southern California, who I won't say him by name just in case, but he grew up and his father was an astronaut for NASA.

And so he lived in a community where all the people who lived on his street, all the fathers were all astronauts. He always tells this funny story where he said he was 12 or 13 years old when he finally realized that not everybody's father became an astronaut. He thought that that's what people did.

They grew up and they became an astronaut. And I kind of had the same deal with the entertainment industry. My parents were always in it. That's all they did and so I just kind of grew up in that environment and it was such a natural progression. It wasn't like I didn't have any other choice of going into any other career.

My parents are very supportive of anything that I wanted to do, but it was just like that's the family business and I started doing shows as soon as I could walk and it hasn't it hasn't ended yet. In in the acting biz, I think that actors are in observant bunch by nature. And so you always are kind of like when you meet people and you do different shows and different projects and you're meeting different people. I think either consciously or subconsciously you're drawing on different things from people to take later on when you need them. And definitely I think Rick is based on a number of people I've met in my life, all you know, drawn into one melted crayon.

TT: And it was interesting, they added like another layer, saying that Rick was truly in love with Maddie and he would write these romantic letters to her, but he would not really reveal that side of him, that romantic, kind side to him. He always had to be Rick Arland, the star, the TV star.

RD: I read that recently and I was just like, I didn't get to that point in the game, so I didn't know that until recently. And I was like, really? Was he? I don't know.

TT: And Mattiewas like the girl next door. Everybody wanted to be friends with her, from what I've heard. Like, they don't even tell you who is the villain until the very, very end. So you kind of have to play it as if each of the characters are pretty much innocent, but how did you go around with your take of Maddie?

MA: Well, yeah, I think, you know, a lot of times when you're recording voice overs, you record all of your lines, so you don't see or hear the lines from any of the other characters. So there is that disconnect that you're really just focused on your own character a lot of the times. With Mattie and the the girl next door feel and the the person that you'd like to talk, sit and talk to (I would I would like to believe without tooting my own horn) that that is the person that I am. So I feel like Mattie was one of the characters closest to Moriah.

Because, you know, not a cartoon voice, not a wizard, not an elf that lives in the woods. But, yeah, that person that you wanna hang out with.

RD: Wait a minute, Moriah, you're not an elf that lives in the woods?!

MA: Well, sometimes I was. Yeah. Just run every other Saturday.

RD: And if I can just echo on what? Moriah, just said-she's right.She's totally right. I've known her for a long, long time. And I think I knew you for two or three years before we did Stay Tuned for Danger. So I can, I can echo that sentiment. That's pretty much the nucleus of Moriah is what you hear in the Mattie character.

MA: We did a lot of games together, but like I said, not together doing different characters, we were in the game, I think this and there's only one other game that we've done together where our characters actually interact,

RD: Which was what? Somebody’s gonna know.

MA: We were the two avatars that might have been it. It was a Russian Russian.Spy game.

RD: Oh Campaign. God, it's kind of familiar with avatars.

MA: But that was the only time that we really were connected (other than Mattie and Rick)

TT: Were the images of the characters presented to you initially at the beginning, or did you get to see them after you did most of the recordings?

RD: For that game? I believe we did have some images, but they also may have been working images, so they may not have been the final animation. But I'd say probably a good solid 50% of the time you have, well, actually closer these days, it's a lot more common to have imagery and and cut scenes and things that you can look at.

But back then, when we were recording this in the late 90s, it was probably just a coin toss whether or not you got a picture of who you were. And sometimes you didn't even get a full script. Like Moriah said earlier, you just get lists of lines, and you have to kind of look towards the director and hopefully there's a Rep there from the game who can tell you in this particular line, you're yelling at someone across the room and this line, you're whispering at someone in this line, you're angry at them in this line. You know, they kind of have to fill in a lot of these blanks.

And I think that's where sometimes the the voice over work from the early years, the the mid to late 90s can get a little funny because sometimes the way you perform something and the take that they took doesn't really match with what the animation ended up in.You know, being. And as far as this game goes, I think we got some pictures of the actual people, but I don't think we had any animation to look at Moriah. Does that jive with what you remember?

MA: Yes, I think we got descriptions. You know, she looks like this and she's this personality. Yeah.

RD: Today it's just a lot more things., I don't know exactly behind the scenes why things have changed per se, but I think it. But today you get a lot more information, characters are fleshed out a lot more for you. Back then you maybe had like a small paragraph and now you can go in to do a session and they'll be like a couple pages of, you know, description about who this person is and their likes and their dislikes and their families and, and all these characters have been very fleshed out by the video game companies.

And they also have a lot of animation that you can look at, sometimes entire scenes that you do ADR or looping, or you're actually adding your voice to an already existing animation. That happens a lot more often where it seems like.

Back then, when Stay Tuned for Danger was recorded, it was a lot more common to record the voices and then they'll make some animation that fits whatever you recorded rather than vice versa.

In fact, it's kind of funny, I mean, not to pull another game into the conversation, but just as an example of what you're talking about (I think I have these numbers correct somebody will double check me and say no, you're off by a million).

But if I recall reading the day that Star Wars The Phantom Menace came out, it made $28 million in its first day. And, and the whole industry was just like, ohh, my gosh, 28 million in one day. It was like the biggest opening day of in history at the time.

And when the first Sonic Adventure came, came out with a Dreamcast that made $46 million in the first day and nobody mentioned it. Because it just wasn't part of the, it wasn't part of the the, the scope of what people were talking about at the time.

But now, you know, video games are such a multi gazillion dollar thing. They they're all part of the contracts. Whenever a movie starts to be filmed, you already have the video game plan probably halfway through animation before you even start, you know, shooting the movie. It's just a different world now,

MA: Ryan, if you don't know.I'm sure you, Tammy, know that Ryan was the voice of Sonic the Hedgehog and I was in the second the Sonic Adventure 2 as a very small role. And somebody sent me an e-mail on YouTube with a link to the video queued right to the part that my character was on and said, is this you? I'm a huge fan. It was fascinating to me because I hadn’t seen it since I’ve recorded it.

I've realized we're looking at YouTube and looking at other games for the same reason as as who in Stay Tuned for Danger that I can't get to the part where my characters speaks. And so I wanna see it. I can't get to it by playing it myself. So I'll watch it on YouTube and go, oh, that looks really neat. That's me and the pink dress. Isn't that funny?

RD: Isn't that funny that that's nothing we would have even considered that would be possible when we recorded it. If somebody would come to us and said, you know, 17 years from now, this entire game, somebody will play through the whole thing and they'll put it on the Internet where anyone can watch it. You'd be like what? Yeah, that's amazing.

MA: It's fascinating that there's this whole culture that that are so into it then, and I had no idea that would be a thing.

TT: It's the only way to be a real detective. Yeah. It's always fun to find out who the villain is. So were you both a little bit disappointed that it wasn't either of your characters and when you found that in the very end? Like who it was specifically? MA: I think to be honest, I was so excited to have my first voice over job that I just was happy to do it.

RD: Usually it's kind of like in as far as my character goes, usually the person that's painted really thickly up front to be kind of like the negative person or the pompous person. Or the person you wouldn't want to hang out with and you think that's not gonna be the murderer? That's just too easy. So yeah.

TT: Well looking at it now, the ending of the game kind of leaves up for interpretation of of both Rick and Mattie, you know, getting back together as a couple and their on-screen personas get married in the TV series. So Rick does stay with the show, which is good news, but what do you guys think Rick and Mattie would be up to now?

RD: I think that they were inspired by Nancy Drew and they opened a private investigating office and they became crime fighters and their old age together as a couple. They're like the Thin Man. But you know, in 2016,

MA: I love it. We, we, we, we haven't seen each other in many, many months. And that was what I was thinking as well. And you just took it out of my mouth. TT: Well, do you mind if we have a little conversation with Rick and Mattie? Would that be OK? I have a couple of questions for them.

RD: Ok, let's open that Pandora's box.

TT: So Rick, Yeah.You're a fabulous actor. Of course, everybody already knows that. Yeah, yeah.Where, where did you, where did you get the inspiration to be so great? You know, why? How, where does this greatness come from?

RD: Well, I'll tell you, Tammy. Oh, the, the greatness that comes within just comes straight from me. I mean, I could say that I'm standing on the shoulders of giants, but really it's just standing on my own shoulders, which is difficult to do.

Just try and picture that in your head. I had heroes in my life, but I like to think that I'm a self-made man. So everything that you see, all this greatness that you see pouring out of me, it's a, it's all me. It's just all me natural. I can't even say my mother or father had anything to do with it. It's, it's just me. Thank you for asking.

TT: And, and why, why no Emmys? Why no Academy Awards? Don’t they see the greatness that is you don't they see the talent?

RD: You know what? People have been saying this lately, but you know, all those are worse things. They're all rigged. They're completely rigged now.

TT: What do you think of Dwayne Powers now? He was the one who was trying to kill you, of course, but you know, he's now behind bars or he actually broke free. I forgot about that.

RD: This new information for me, I didn't know that he was out. I gotta go. I gotta buy some barbed wire and some hand grenades.

TT: And Mattie, you know you. You have been together with Rick for so long and you kind of go along with his ego. Is there really a tender side to him, though?

MA: Well,

RD: Watch it. Watch it,

MA: Yes. There are things that we keep to ourselves behind closed doors and there are things that we present to the public, and I will just say that there is... A reason that I stay with Rick, and it's not for everyone to know.

TT: You also have an amazing style in in and taste in decorating your apartment. Where does that come from? Because it just looks so homely and just very relaxing to just sit in there by the fireplace and and look around and it's just a beautiful, bright home

MA: I did study a little bit. I studied a little bit in Japan and I really love the idea of Feng shui and how if you place things in your home in a certain way, it brings light.It's an energy to your surroundings. I just like to have a place where I can relax and where I can have friends.

TT: Now, if there was any role that you could play on TV now for both of you, what role would you love to kind of just steal away from another actor and play yourself?

MA: Oh, good one. I, I think I would enjoy playing the Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt. I love her optimism. I love her smile, it just lights up the screen. And I would love to dive into that.

RD: And Everybody knows that I'm hilarious. So I think I would like to be both Kete and Peele.

TT: Thank so much for talking with us today Rick and Mattie. I'm sure we'll hopefully see you guys sometime in the near future in a Nancy Drew game

RD: and thank you. From your mouth to the universe. Yes, thank you.

TT: That was so much fun! I keep hoping that Maddie and Rick will come back and and we'll see them in a in another Nancy Drew game in the near future. So if that opportunity ever arose, would you both be interested in reprising your roles?

MA: Absolutely.

RD: Always!

TT: You know, I cannot thank you both enough for coming on the show and I first before we end our interview. I would like to open up the floor since both of you have been working on several different projects since Stay Tuned for Danger, but what is the most recent projects that you have been working on that are listeners can go ahead and check out online or on TV?

RD: Oh my gosh, the most recent. Let me think.

MA: The most of the recent things that I've done have been live theater so there isn't really anything to check out as far as that goes, but I do have a website with a lot of videos from. I've done some solo cabaret shows and I used to sing at a soul night in New York so they could check out Moriah Angeline.net

RD: I have done it seems a lot of the voice, I've been doing lately have been for corporate videos and also for radio spots. So I don't know if they are online anywhere or whether where you can hear them.

TT: You have a pretty extensive IMDb page, don't you, Ryan?

RD: Somebody put that there. I didn't.

MA: Mine too.

RD: Yeah, but yeah, I mean, of course I IMD and just, you know, there's. There's a lot of material out there with people talking about, you know, the Sonic franchise and so forth, and.If you just wanna, you know, have fun with a few hours of your life just to just type that into YouTube and just watch people go.

TT: I love it. And to close our interview by last question, if you could describe your experience working for Her Interactive and on this Nancy Drew game, what is the one word you would use to describe that entire experience?

MA: I think I would just have to say fun. I remember it being really a lovely day it was. It was fun and the people were very easy to work with, especially because I was nervous at being my first voiceover job and I didn't want to do it incorrectly. And I remember feeling at ease very quickly and having just a wonderful time. RD: And Moriah stole my word. I was going to say lovely. Just a lovely experience. Good people and a good company. I'm so glad that they're still alive and kicking after all this time.

#stfd #stay tuned for danger #podcast #ccptfortnight #cluecrewplaythru #behind the scenes #unlocked podcast #audio #video #transcipt #interview

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omi-papus · 10 months ago

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Light The Lamp

Part: 2

Fandom: Subnautica

Pairing: Robin x Al-An

Ao3 link

Content: Age difference, ADHD x Autism, Ableist slur, Ice Hockey AU, Human Al-An AU, Drug use, Eventual smut

Summary: Rookie ice hockey player Robin Ayou stuns the league with a controversial but impressive debut, catching the eye of popular YouTuber Alan Silvester. Known for his hockey insights. After an awkward first encounter, he begs her to feature in one of his videos. And she after thinking shes found her new babygirl cant help but agree.

Word count: 8.9k

A/N: Hey guys. I managed to get this out at a decent pace I think, this fic is a lot easier to write than some of my other projects so I can balance it with Uni a lot better. Here we have more of the idiots being themselves.

She completed the interview. Robin stood firm even when faced with questions like, “How do you plan to avoid being a hindrance to your team?” No matter what, she wasn't going to cave and walk out.

Now she's wondering if that would have been the less humiliating option.

The second they finished recording, she stormed out, not saying a single word to either of the men in the room, and went straight to the gym. She doesn't know how long she stayed there, but all she could think about was what a waste of time this had all been. The dinner, the recording, the time she had spent planning her answers and all she could say to make the interview good, the time she wasted on him. Because she thought none of it amounted to anything. That the interview footage was unusable and no one in their right mind would have thought it was good enough to be released. That it would all be deleted, and they would pretend they never met. Oh boy, how wrong she was.

“AND WHEN DID I TELL YOU YOU COULD FUCKING DO THAT?!” Coach Maida yelled at the entrance of the arena, not minding for a second who else was there to hear her. Robin knew exactly what she meant the second she started yelling because she had seen it too. She forgot to unsubscribe from that godforsaken channel and saw the thumbnail that very morning. It had her nearly foaming at the mouth, and boy had she considered running up to that office and chewing him out. But she had training that day and did not want that fucker taking up any more of her time and brainpower than he already did. And lo and behold, her coach had caught wind of everything and was currently in the process of tearing her a new one.

“ARE YOU AN ACTUAL TODDLER?!”

“I wasn't expecting him to just insult me like that!”

“Oh no, he had every right to insult your piss poor playing. What you should have done was NOT throw a tantrum on camera!”

“I had to defend myself! I couldn't just sit there and take it and embarrass the team!”

“YOU EMBARRASSED THE TEAM WHEN YOU BROKE YOUR FACE ON LIVE TELEVISION!”

Robin couldn't respond to that and just gritted her teeth, holding onto her stick with enough strength to possibly break it.

“I should have kicked you out when I could…” the woman grumbled. Robin would have been scared if she hadn't made that exact threat multiple times and never followed through. She looked down at the floor. At that point, Coach Maida had stopped talking as well and just stared at her, waiting for a response. It took a minute for Robin to simmer down, to hold back from screaming and crying about what had happened in that interview and why it wasn’t her fault. She had to think about something else.

Her next words were soft, almost achingly resigned, but her eyes had that one last spark of confrontation as she locked eyes with her coach.

“Sam won’t be mad if you do. You know that, right?”

Marguerite’s expression did not change, but she didn’t answer. A cold breeze came in through the open door of the building, and the sounds of the other players whispering among themselves cut through the tension like glass. A grunt could be heard from the coach before Robin winced as she received a quick hit to the back of the head. When she opened her eyes again, she saw the coach walking away from her and into the rink.

“What are all of you staring at?! Get ready and get on the ice in five minutes! You’re doing triple laps today! You can thank Ayou for that!”

Robin could barely process the sounds of her team heckling her as she felt a certain weight in her chest grow heavier

—--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

She was the last to leave the locker room, still in her underwear, going through her phone. She had meant to unsubscribe from the YouTube channel but quickly found herself unable to look away from the comment section of the newest video.

"Like all women. Basically children."

"She should not be playing if she’s this sensitive."

"She just mad nobody wants to fuck a masculine thing like her."

"Bro thinks she’s good."

It went on and on. She was trying her hardest not to look at Twitter. She could only imagine what the rhetoric would be there. It made her blood boil.

The Alterra Giants had requested a rematch. It would be in only a few days. She would fucking show them. Every single one of them how great of a player Robin Ayou was.

—--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

The puck slid out of her reach far too quickly for her to attempt to redirect it. Then, pathetically slowly, it moved away from her before she was pushed to the side and had to refocus her energy on regaining her balance. She stopped herself from moving too far away, getting back into hot pursuit as quickly as possible. She could feel her pulse in her ears. Her trajectory had changed to herding the action back to the left of the rink. The opposing winger was cutting across center ice, trying to get a clean entry into the zone, but Robin was determined to force her wide, to keep her from getting any closer to the middle of the rink. With a burst of speed, she closed the gap, angling her body to cut off the winger’s path. The opposing player saw her coming and tried to make a quick move to the outside, but Robin was ready. She threw her weight into the check, sending the winger off balance. The puck popped loose.

The game was tight, the score tied 3-3, and her team was down to their last minutes in the final period. Every pass, every shot, every hit mattered. The Alterra Giants seemed to have fixed themselves overnight, always having at least two players specifically countering her.

She had to feel flattered.

The center was in position near the slot. Robin’s eyes flicked to her. This was it. She sent the puck screaming across the ice, a laser pass threading between two defenders. Her teammate caught it cleanly and wound up for a one-timer. Robin held her breath. The faceoff was in the offensive zone now. Robin skated into position. She locked eyes with their captain, who was lining up for the draw. They had a plan, the captain would tie up the opposing center, and Robin would swoop in to pick up the loose puck. If everything worked perfectly, they’d get another shot and a goal.

The puck dropped. The captain did her job, tying up her opponent’s stick. Robin surged forward, her stick darting out to grab the puck. She had it. She snapped a quick shot at the net, low and hard, hoping for a rebound. The goalie blocked it, but the puck bounced out into the slot. Bodies crashed together as everyone scrambled for the loose puck.

The opposing winger, a speedster with a nose for breakaways, found the puck and chipped it past the defense. Robin’s heart sank as she watched her own defensewoman hesitate for a split second. just enough time for the winger to take off. Robin turned and sprinted, legs pumping furiously as she tried to catch up. But it was too late. The winger was already across the blue line, alone on a breakaway. Robin could only watch as the forward closed in on their goalie, faked a shot, and then lifted the puck top shelf. The red light flashed.

She didn’t truly remember what happened after that. “4-3” was her last coherent thought.

—--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

“This is hideous, dear, you really ought to change the way you arrange these.” The woman began taking out plates and placing them loosely on the table. Alan stood at the edge of the kitchen, staring firmly at the ground, knowing that if he dared to look up, his brain would shut down. His entire kitchen was in disarray, every plate, cup, fork, and spoon placed out onto the counters and table, many at risk of falling off the edge.

“I’ve taught you how to organize a million times. You are a grown man. You don’t have excuses to be this messy. The cups should go in the top drawer, not the bottom right one, and the pans need to go closer to the stove.” His mother opened one of the bottom drawers and began pulling out the one pot and pan, and with no more space left on the counter, she put them on the floor. “I want this all reorganized by the end of the day, Alan. I am not letting you live like this.” She finally looked back at him as she pointed to the mess around her, and she was fuming when she noticed him looking at the ground.

She let out a deep sigh and massaged her temple. “You’re lucky I’m so patient. I don’t even want to look at your room. I can’t imagine that it’s organized either.”

“It is organized.”

“Don’t talk to me like that! I’ll go see for myself. You stay here and fix this mess.”

She walked past him, and he shuddered. He finally had to look at what she had done, and when he did, he felt his entire head heat up with stress. He held back from putting everything back where it went, knowing that it would not please his mother. He tried to remember what she had told him. The only "right" way to organize, and began rearranging as much as he could according to her rules. He tried to think of his childhood kitchen and how that was organized. Normally, it would be easy to replicate, but the layout of the kitchen was different from his current home, and he wasn’t sure how to make it equivalent in the "right" way that wouldn’t get him another angered lecture and his kitchen torn apart again. Distantly, he could hear the sound of cloth being thrown from down the hall. No doubt his mother had already begun dismantling his closet. He had moved all his hockey paraphernalia to his office for this exact reason.

Because it wasn’t the first time she had done this. Show up unannounced and invite herself in. Sometimes she was only judgmental of his lack of decor and the general subpar aesthetics of his one-bedroom apartment, commenting on his habits, like how long it took him to shower on the days she arrived before he had to head out, and where he placed his coat when she came at the end of the day. But sometimes she did this. Dug through every drawer and crevice in the house, found something she disliked, and then took out everything and told him to put it all back the "right" way.

It wasn’t that Alan was disorganized. He loved keeping his spaces tidy, clean, and in perfect order. He had created multiple systems of how things should be stacked, folded, and stored and hated when anything was out of its assigned spot. Unfortunately, his mother was never a fan of his ways of doing things and insisted that everything should be done based on how her household, when she was a child, used to run.

This had been a battle they had fought for as long as he could remember. It was an immovable object meets unstoppable force scenario, two equally obsessive people steeped in their own ways and unable to accept anything else. Alan would arrange everything to his mother’s liking, wait for her to leave, which might take multiple hours, and then put it all back, until she showed up again. It was a cycle that periodically would steal up to an entire day from him. Sometimes, he’d have to call off work to Ryley because he had to either entertain his mother or reorganize everything again.

Alan used to think he would be free to have his house the way he liked when he had his own, but his mother’s incessant visits never let him know peace. In half an hour, the kitchen was mostly presentable. He could only hope she wouldn’t undo his work twice. He didn’t have to guessshe had already told him she was angry with him, for missing her call all those weeks ago and for making a scene at that restaurant. He knew from experience that her anger would last at least another month at this rate. And he guessed that Robin’s anger would last forever.

He was smart enough to tell that she was furious. The way she conducted herself in the interview was proof enough. And the way she had left, so quickly and violently, was unnerving. Ryley had suggested, nearly begged, that he not post the video. He didn’t know why Ryley was so adamant, as Ryley had always been pretty detached from anything Alan did outside of what directly affected him. Unfortunately, Alan had promised his viewers an interview with Robin Ayou, and he couldn’t back down from that. But it really was a disaster. She refused to answer multiple questions, and the ones she did, she fought him at every step. She was obviously very upset with what he was asking her.

He had told her to notify him if she had a problem. Why didn’t she? He had given her every question. None of this should have happened like this. At least not on camera. She was clearly surprised by the questions, and it was apparent she hadn’t read the list he gave her, and that made him more upset than anything else. That he had planned everything out perfectly and it was all sabotaged because she just felt like it. Like his way of doing things was stupid and didn’t deserve consideration. Just like his mother was doing now.

He was snapped out of his thoughts by a loud thud followed by what sounded like a crack. Quickly, he put down whatever he was holding and scurried over to his room, where he could see three things.

His mother stood in the corner of the room, looking visibly shaken his bed was filled with now unfolded clothes, thrown half-heartedly around, and his headset was on the floor, the shell on the left speaker broken and detached from the headband, the cushion having detached as well.

“Sweetie, I’m so sorry! They just fell out of the closet, I didn’t know they were there! Oh my God, I broke them! I’m sorry, I’m sorry. I’m a terrible mother who breaks my son’s things! I’m so, so sorry, Alan.”

His feelings toward the broken headset were quickly derailed by his need to calm his mom down.

“It’s alright. It was an accident. Go sit down. I can get another one.”

“I didn’t mean to do it, I’m sorry!”

“I know, Mother. Don’t worry. It’s fine.”

This went on for a solid twenty minutes. And it was only after two hours that she finally left, and he was faced with the fact that he had to replace the now broken headset.

—--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Robin stood still against the bathroom wall, fighting the burning sting of tears yet again. Every time she thought her anger had subsided, it bubbled up again like magma, and she could do nothing but grit her teeth and hold back from punching a wall.

She had told herself she would not look at social media after their loss, but, like with seemingly everything in her life, she failed. Twitter was swarming with comments about not only her team but her specifically. The connections made between her performance and the interview were plentiful. She remembered the scolding Coach Maida had given her, and even that didn’t feel close to the sheer anger she had felt in her bones when she saw that scoreboard.

She pressed her forehead against the stall wall, fists tight and jaw clenched. She was only a month into her professional career, and all of this was happening. She couldn’t help it. The gut punch of regret, coupled with an all-too-familiar helplessness, made the tears threaten to fall again. She had to mentally recite a mantra to herself, reminding herself why she was doing this, why she chose this path.

You're good at this. You're good at this. You. Are. Good. At. This.

She wiped her eyes and blew her nose quickly when she heard a knock at the stall door. She had been in there for a good ten minutes, moping. Hastily stepping out, she made her way to the sinks and splashed water on her face. Looking at herself in the mirror for a moment, she wished she were home right now. The only reason she hadn’t hotboxed her room and smoked herself stupid was that she was completely out of groceries and had nothing to eat for either dinner or tomorrow’s breakfast. She was starting to regret not ordering takeout, but her budget was getting stretched thin, and she knew this was the healthier option. The closest grocery store was attached to the main mall in the area, so that's where she was. Stores would be closing soon, so she had to hurry.

It was because she was speed-walking that she only half-registered a white blur move past her. Her instinct, however, was strong enough to tell her to stop and turn around, knowing that properly identifying it would be important.

—--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Alan should have, by all means, waited until at least tomorrow to purchase another headset. Or better yet, he should have ordered it online and waited. He had most of the month's videos already recorded and could have honestly just recorded everything on camera with the whiteboard instead. But he hated waiting, and he also just needed to get this situation out of his head before it made his brain explode with rage. Needless to say, he was furious, because of everything. The broken headset had just been the final push between his mother's visit and the recent interview fiasco. He felt like he would lose it if he didn’t fix the one thing he could control in this situation.

He never liked malls very much, few things interested him, bright lights and loud sounds abounded. It wasn't unbearable, but he certainly wasn't fond of it. He was walking around, searching for an electronics store that looked like it sold more than cheap chargers and phone cases, in hopes of getting a half-decent headset to serve as a placeholder while he waited to get another identical to the one he already had. He knew that wasn't the wisest financial decision, but he simply did not care at this point. He walked along with his head facing the ground, just thinking about how much better it would be once all of this was behind him. That was until a very loud noise pierced his ears, and he turned around to recognize a person stomping toward him.

“YOU!”

She had quickly pinned him to the wall, pointing at his face, her finger dangerously close to his chin.

“You motherfucker!”

He was never great at identifying facial expressions, which only made the vibrant anger in her eyes even more noticeable. It took him a whole five seconds of staring before he processed the eye contact, became uncomfortable, and looked away.

“Oh no, you look at me, you piece of shit!”

Her hand was already on the wall to the left of his head, leaning in way too close for comfort. He only took tentative glances at her, slowly shuffling to the side, away from her. He was thankful she didn't outright grab his face.

“I said look at me, dammit. Can you at least treat me like a person?!”

That confused him, his eyes still on the pillar to the side of them.

“I have never indicated I don't see you as a person,” he mumbled unsurely. He nearly felt her huff exasperatedly on his chin.

“Are…” She seemed almost choked for a short second before frowning at him again. “Am I supposed to believe you're just stupid?”

He finally took a step to the side, getting out of her hold. A nearly imperceptible growl escaped her when he did, but she removed herself from the wall and stared him down.

“Am I just expected to believe that you didn’t know how bad all of that would fucking look?! Is that your excuse?!” She spoke loudly but stopped outright yelling.

“I…” He cut himself off, realizing he needed to further think his words through. “I gave you time to contest the questions if you wanted to,” he struggled to say.

“And how did you expect me to react exactly?! I wouldn't have done the interview at all if you were just going to shit on my entire career for thirty minutes straight!”

His hand twitched. “Your career is barely existent. You’ve got one victory under your belt, one that you lost immediately after.”

She visibly fumed. So the shithead had watched that day's game too. Of course, he had. “So then why care about me at all?! If you just think I'm a piece of shit at my job, then what was the point of interviewing me in front of hundreds of people? Do you just get off on humiliating me?!”

They were starting to get looks. Robin noticed this far before Alan did. For a moment, she was self-conscious. She was making a scene so soon after being called emotional and childish for her on-camera outburst. The thought made her so upset that she nearly didn’t care about how those around her might see her. But that underlying shame was still there, that feeling that she was just being dramatic, that she should just suck it up and move on with her life. That she should just train harder and force him to eat his words. But something about looking at him directly set her off. Seeing him there, looking so lost and vaguely afraid, even through the thick facade of his expressionless face, made the barb sink so much deeper into her chest. Betrayed. She felt betrayed. And she felt stupid for it. Because it wasn’t a secret to her that he had quickly endeared himself to her, that she had found him oddly cute and charming. That she had felt that they were friends. She had known him for so little time. She shouldn’t have gotten this attached that quickly. Or shouldn’t have gotten attached at all.

“I thought the phenomenon of how you played was worth investigating,” he said, still facing the wall. Robin had to force herself to sigh. It did not help.

“What? Is my failure just fun to you?! Am I just entertaining because I'm so fucked up at playing hockey that I need to be studied?”

“I think you're taking it personally.”

“It IS personal, Alan! This isn't just my hobby! This is my life!”

“Well maybe play like it, then.” His fists were clenched hard, his brow ever so slightly furrowed. For a moment, Robin was too stunned to clap back. She fumbled with her words for a good few seconds as they kept getting stuck in her throat. The sheer audacity of the statement actually made her return to reality. Him so openly admitting he thought she was shit felt like it put an end to a small fire that had been burning her lungs. It felt like some type of closure.

“I shouldn’t even care. You're nothing but some nobody on the internet. Your own followers are getting tired of you, and you're more preoccupied with shitting on me than getting your mediocre career back on track.”

“You're trying to offend me, and it is not going to work.” He spat at her, looking now at her feet.

“Ryley was right about you. You're nothing but a neurotic freak with an ego up your ass!”

“Listen, I just want to go purchase something. I have nothing to say to you.”

“No wonder nobody likes you. Nothing is ever enough for you.”

That, Robin noticed, lightly changed the look in his eyes. “Listen.” His shoulders tensed, and to her surprise, he turned to face her, still looking at her feet. He took a step toward her, and they were once again toe to toe with each other.

“You have no experience with what being less than enough is like. If you really weren't enough, that coach of yours would have kicked you out a long time ago. I’ve seen her do worse for less. You’ve waved to your loving family at plenty of your games since university.”

“What does that have to do with anything?”

He should have shut up then, but an unstable cocktail of built-up frustration and anger was making him unreasonable. “Nothing I do is ever enough. Not for my family, not for my audience, not even for my own employee, and clearly not for you.”

Robin only raised an eyebrow, demanding he elaborate. He happily did. “I gave you every single question written out on paper and would have easily sent you a digital copy if you asked. I gave you a week to make the choice, to communicate with me, and yet you said nothing. It was clear you couldn’t even be bothered to read any of them. I would have changed them. I would have called off the interview if it was really that bad. I had everything set up to avoid disaster, but that was not enough. I tell my viewers that I’m going to interview a professional player, but that's not good enough. I lose nearly half of my income to pay my assistant a livable wage by just doing the job he signed up for, and that is not enough. I show my family over and over that I’m managing my life and have found even a little success in what I do, and that is still not enough. It’s never fucking enough.”

Robin blinked, her breath caught in her throat. It wasn’t what he was saying that surprised her, but how he said it. For all his usual detachment, this was the first time she had seen him genuinely vulnerable. She tried to shake that feeling off. He was the one who had treated her like a lab rat for his personal gain. He didn’t get to turn this around on her now, not after everything.

“That’s your excuse? You’re sad, so you did this to me?” She bristled.

“I am not giving you excuses. I am just simply expressing how I feel since you’re so intent on arguing.”

“What you feel?! What about what I felt?! When you still posted that stupid interview when I was clearly not happy with it?!”

“You didn’t tell me not to post it. You didn’t tell me anything. You just left.”

“And you’re going to tell me you didn’t see I was upset about it? It was obvious, you should have known!”

“Your subpar communication skills are not my responsibility.”

“Oh, we’re talking about communication, how funny. I would have LOVED for you to have communicated that you thought I was a stupid piece of shit instead of schmoozing me up at dinner and texting me like we were best friends!”

He was taken aback by that last statement, finally catching himself staring at her again, this time in sheer disbelief. “What do you mean by that?” he said slowly.

“If you were just going to insult my playing, why did you act so polite, take me out, and… and make me trust you?”

She sounded… hurt by the end of the sentence, her burning ire fading into the background ever so slightly. Alan couldn't decipher it, but he was dumbfounded by the very question.

“Because you’re a person. Even if a messy one, you are still a high-level professional player. And just… because I respect you? I never thought that you were stupid, and I just… Why wouldn’t I?

She was exhausted. She only then realized it. Frustration was starting to burn away at the last of her energy reserves along with her sore arms and bruised calves. She let out a huffy, exasperated noise as she held her head in her hands. It dawned on her what she was doing and how stupid and insane it looked to everyone around her. Was she being childish? She didn't know and only half cared. But she knew then that she wanted this to be over.

“Are you even sorry?” She simply sounded tired now, the tone of her voice significantly higher-pitched than before. Alan was able to sense this, and therefore his own defensiveness lowered, but he still had to take a moment to think about it.

“I do not think it is my fault, but I am sorry it turned out like this,” was all he could say. Robin stayed quiet, looking at him in a way that made him deeply uncomfortable, and he finally had enough.

“Goodbye, Miss Ayou.” It took a lot of strength for him to turn around and walk away, but he finally did, leaving Robin to deal with the stares. The supermarket had already closed.

—-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

She was going hungry tonight. She refused to spend more money on takeout, and Cal had his parents over, so she couldn't raid his fridge tonight. She was almost tempted to ask Sam for food, but the fear that Coach Maida could be the one to answer the phone was enough to dissuade her.

She should have, by all means, gone to sleep already. Her tired body was screaming at her, and her frayed nerves couldn't handle any more, but she just couldn't feel like it. That was very much like her, procrastinating even when it came to sleep. Fuck, she did not want to go to training tomorrow. If only she could call in sick like any other job, well, at least any job where Coach Maida wasn’t in charge. She tried to think of ways to get out of it while boiling some water. She really needed to get a kettle. Busting out the pot every time she wanted to fill her hot water bottle was getting beyond annoying, especially since these days she had to do it daily. Everything hurt. She looked over to her room and heavily considered rolling one out, but it would go to waste if she was just going to fall asleep five minutes later.

In minutes, she was on the couch, a hot water bottle pressed against her shoulder, her phone at ten percent, bright in the darkness. She scrolled past a group chat with her teammates, a message from her mom asking how she was doing, and a few promotional emails from places she'd never shop at. She was in that mood in which she couldn't stay on a single app for more than a couple of seconds, her attention span wouldn’t sit with her for more than that. She leaned her head back against the couch, trying to force herself to relax. Eventually, she decided to scroll through YouTube Shorts since she hadn’t tried that yet. Pretty quickly, that got boring as well, so she began looking through her YouTube feed. Maybe her favorite ichthyologist YouTuber had posted something new today.

Like a bitter metallic taste suddenly making its way into her mouth, a video showed up on the feed that nearly jump-scared her. She sat upright on her couch and stared at the screen. She thought she had unsubscribed from that stupid channel earlier today. Did she really forget to do it then, too? Fuck, she was stupid.

She collapsed back down again. “Stupid, stupid, stupid…” she muttered to herself tiredly. The video still stared her in the face. It made her angry. She felt the urge to report it, but she knew that doing that would actually cross the line into being childish. Currently, she was frozen. Something in her stopped her from scrolling along, unsubscribing, or doing anything about the situation that was bothering her. She placed the phone on her chest. She never did watch any videos from him, maybe if she had, she would have picked up that he was an asshole before she agreed to be part of them. And thinking about it more, she felt like an idiot again. She really did just like the idea of being interviewed like a celebrity, regardless of who did it. She never cared about his channel or whatever greater goal he had in mind. She just wanted to feel good about herself. Was that wrong of her? It felt like it was.

His little speech still bothered her. It wasn’t unimaginable that he had his own bullshit going on. Everyone did. Robin was convinced that everyone thought the world was caving in around them half the time. He wasn’t special. Still, she had to feel bad because it was true, if she had just not lost the paper like a moron, this wouldn’t have happened. He said so himself. And, God, she was never going to live down what Cal told her to do. Just ask for the questions again. She had avoided doing it for such a stupid reason, too. And that's the part that bruised her ego the most.

Because she was attracted to him. That had been apparent from minute one. She had wanted to look cool in front of him. She didn’t want him to know she was an idiot. And what hurt the most was finding out he already did. Seemingly from the start, he knew. And she really was stupid, wasn’t she? Her tooth still stood sharp and broken in her mouth, the image of the scoreboard was still seared into her brain.

Why hadn’t Maida kicked her out yet? If she let a boy get under her skin like a teenager, surely she deserved to be left behind with the college kids like so many of the other girls did. She should have never been drafted. This was a mistake. She was just destined for nothing, like all her school teachers had told her.

She curled up on the couch, burying her face against the cushion. She was spiraling again. She needed a distraction, now. She took out her phone and just mindlessly clicked on the video. Fuck it. Maybe getting angry at Alan again would get her back on track. What the video was even about didn’t matter, as long as it was something other than more loud thoughts of self-hate. Alan was in front of a whiteboard with a projection on it. He wasted no time, beginning to scribble and talk at length. Robin immediately recognized the topic, neutral zone traps, forechecking, and counterattacks. She stared at the screen, watching Alan’s hands move across the whiteboard, the slight tilt of his head as he spoke. She was annoyed that even now, after everything, he could still captivate her attention. Pathetic.

The video droned on about the timing of offensive breakouts and how players should anticipate defensive collapses. But then something in the video caught her ear, a mention of adaptability. Alan was saying something about how great players aren’t just skilled at executing strategies, they’re able to adapt to changing circumstances. The ones who succeed long-term are the ones who can read a situation, make quick decisions, and adjust, even when things go off script. She was good at that, she thought. Robin had always been quick on her feet and would thrust herself at any opportunity that presented itself to strike. Heh, she was so dead set on improvising that she had… broken… her tooth. She instinctively ran her tongue along the jagged edge of it, wincing at the reminder. Improvising was her strength, sure, but sometimes it came with a cost.

Alan’s voice brought her back to the video. He was talking about the importance of balance, knowing when to adapt but also knowing when to stick to the fundamentals. "It’s not just about reacting to the situation," he said, his tone calm but firm. "It’s about controlling how you react.” Robin remembered that incident, how it had happened because she flung herself at a loose puck and accidentally planted the toe picks of her skates on the ground and fell over. She hadn't thought about the consequences, about how her desperate attempts to turn the tide were turning into sloppy mistakes.

Robin gritted her teeth. Control. That word made her stomach churn. It was what Coach Maida had been drilling into her head for months now. Her natural instincts were sharp. She’d fight tooth and nail to force a play, to make something happen, but in doing so, she’d lose sight of the bigger picture and…

Her head was starting to hurt. She got off of YouTube, cutting the video off. She stared at the ceiling for God knows how long. Thankfully, she had the loud sounds of cars honking outside to save her from being submerged in the silence. She hugged the hot water bottle. Well, just like he seemed, Alan was smart. Too smart. Too blunt as well. He hadn’t just made his points by themselves. He had provided examples for every single aspect he was discussing, heavily criticizing a number of players in the process. She let out a deep sigh. Alright, maybe it wasn’t personal. She still found what happened in the interview incredibly rude and insensitive, especially with how little faith people naturally have in female hockey. But she supposed he just didn’t consider that. It was weird, actually, how little he cared about that fact. She looked through his recent videos, and the last seven of them were all about female games, even if she noticed that those had fewer views than the previous male-led ones.

A sudden urge to ask him about it popped into her head. It was just a fleeting notion, but the fact that she had just thought of texting him about why he liked female hockey like that caught her off guard. Like she hadn’t just sworn off ever thinking of him again a few hours prior.

“Uuuuugh, nooooooooo…” she whined lowly. Watching that video had done something for her. She just saw him, so focused and objective, that she finally had to realize that Alan was just some guy. He loved hockey like an obsessive little kid who cared about the game itself so much that people's feelings just slipped his mind. Could she really be that mad at that? He himself had admitted to her that he was autistic, and- no. No, no, no, no. That was NOT an excuse. Never had been, never would be. But what, she just wasn't mad at him anymore? What was she supposed to do with that? She didn't just want to forgive him. But… he wasn’t malicious. He was… blunt, obsessive, maybe even careless, but not cruel. She was almost certain of that now. Maybe she was infantilizing him, but that was better than considering him a shitbag. Robin remembered what he had told her, that although she was messy, she was still a professional. Did he always feel that way about her? How she felt now? So lukewarm and weirdly disturbed by the existence of a grown adult who was so… clumsy. Her with her feet and him with his words.

She briefly considered that her brain might just be looking for excuses to let things go so she could fawn over him again. It was at that moment that she made a choice. If she was going to go anywhere with this relationship, that attraction had to go. He wasn't some irresistible supermodel. Most of what appealed to her was just that he was taller than her, which most men weren't. He was decently polite, but she had gotten a good enough look at his personality to realize that the soft boy sweetheart persona she had built up in her head was far from the truth. She had been into her girlfriends before, and she got over that. Yes, this was the right choice. She could do this.

Now the question was, did she want to continue their relationship? If she even could, he looked pretty pissed at her too. But if they made up, what would become of whatever they had? Well, first of all, any more videos were off the table. But that had been the only reason they even met in the first place. The only reason he approached her, and the only reason she followed along with the weirdo that ran to corner her in the street. She huffed. Well, at least they were even cornering each other in public. The point was, what else did she want from him?

She thought about it while scratching dirt from under her fingernails, and rather easily, she had her answer. She felt bad for him. Not just because she screamed at him in public, but because of everything. Like she said, he wasn't special for having his own emotional baggage, which he had revealed to her seemingly on impulse. But still, even before that, he had such wet dog energy. When they were on good terms, he would text her incessantly, like he had no one else to talk to. She had a suspicion that was the reason he invited her out to dinner instead of just forwarding her the questions via email. And now she knew that he was aware that Ryley, his only work colleague, thought badly of him. Adding that he also briefly mentioned having family issues, something Robin had never been familiar with.

If she wasn't going to be his friend, then no one else would. And something about her hypersocial brain wouldn't let that go. Was she really going to let go of all the humiliation and anger to adopt a thirty yearold man? Fuck, she needed to broaden her hobbies.

She lay down comfortably again and put a pin in that thought. She was being hormonal or something. She had just finished tearing his ear out. She couldn't just call him up and be like, Hey, sorry, let’s be friends. She wasn't a saint.

Looking at her phone with five percent battery left, she decided she had enough of videos and hopped on Twitter. Robin had fought for her life to keep her Twitter hockey-free. She had enough of that shit on the daily. When she had phone time in bed, she would prefer to look at videos of Cuddlefish. Well, until a few days ago, of course. Following Alan had completely thrown off her algorithm, if only because of how much he tweeted. She should have known that she couldn't avoid him here either. There were just old threads of arguing until she got to the top, where she inevitably came across his most recent tweet and…

“Let it be on record that I do not condone the misogynistic and degrading comments made about the athlete Robin Ayou as a result of my video.”

Suddenly, it was quiet even on the street outside. Without thinking, she clicked on the thread and continued reading.

“While I stand by my analysis of her play, it’s important to separate criticism of performance from personal attacks. I respect Robin as a player and as a person, and any comments attacking her have no place in the discussion.”

He hadn’t tagged her in the tweet. Maybe he thought that was him being respectful, but now she wished he had. At least then she could have responded, said her piece, and maybe even defended herself instead of just being some invisible target. She looked at the time it was posted. Ten minutes ago. So after their spat at the mall. Even after all of that…

She buried her face in her hands. “Fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuck…” she groaned. She stood up, back pain be damned. She stomped over to her room and plugged in her phone, not waiting for the little sound to ring before going into her contacts and searching for a familiar name. Alphabetically, it was the first. She put the phone to her ear as her breath caught in her throat. What was she doing? Whatever it was, she had to do it now before she lost her nerve or her pride swallowed her alive. The phone was already ringing, so there was no going back now.

The sound permeated for an unbearably long time. A small part of her was hoping he wouldn't pick up. That she could tell herself that she tried and that it was him who rejected her.

The ringing stopped.

“A-”

“I will have you know that it is only legal to claim defamation if the statements made are both false and damaging to your reputation. I have extensive proof of all my claims and proof of your consent to-”

“Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey! No, no, no, no, no! I never- I don't- what?”

“I would urge you not to allow this to go to court.”

“Alan, I am not trying to sue you!”

“Then what do you want?”

The words suddenly got caught in her throat. For what felt like an eternity, she was unable to say anything out of sheer nervousness.

“Miss Ayou, this is considered harassment.” His voice never wavered once.

“No! Wait! Fuck! I just- I’m sorry!”

“What was that?”

“I- I- I” She sighed harshly. “I’m sorry, Alan.”

“Okay.”

Robin blinked. That's it? Okay? She nearly said that out loud. A short silence followed before she realized it really was on her to make this count. “I did take it personally. Too personally. I know now that you're like that with every player, and I shouldn't have accused you of trying to hurt me.”

“Because I wasn't.”

“I know. Listen, I was being irrational back there at the mall. That wasn't deserved. I shouldn't have made a scene like that.”

“Is that it?”

He was really going to milk her dry, wasn’t he? “Alright, I'm also sorry for the interview. It… it was stupid. I should have done something more productive than just digging my heels in like that.”

“Miss Ayou?”

She wished his voice would soften even a little but knew that even if he was in a good mood, it almost never did.

“Yeah?”

“Why didn’t you read the interview questions?”

She dragged her palm across her face, hunched her shoulders, and held back a groan. He noticed. Of course, he noticed. She had no choice but to rip off the band-aid now.

“I… I lost the paper…”

Where had the cars outside gone? She couldn’t deal with this silence!

“Are you serious?”

“Yyyyyep…”

“You’re not messing with me?”

“Why would I make this up?” She sounded like she wanted to jump off a pier because honestly, she did.

“I just…” That was the first time she had ever heard him lose his words like that. It was honestly intimidating.

“Why???” His pitch heightened in disbelief. She swallowed hard, she couldn't decide if this was going better or worse than she had expected.

“I just put it away and then I couldn't find it.”

“Are you one hundred percent certain?”

“Yes? I know it's the dumbest shit you've ever heard, but that's what happened.”

She could hear fiddling on the other line. He must have started to pace.

“And… why… didn't you ask for a copy??”

She briefly couldn't speak again. Her face was burning, and it was making her dizzy. What did she expect to say here? I had a crush on you, so I didn't want to embarrass myself? Well, yeah, that exactly, but for the sake of her sanity, she would omit some things.

“I didn't… want you to know that I lost it. Because… well, like I said, it's stupid, and I didn't want you to think I was an idiot for losing something so simple.”

It was his turn to struggle to speak for a couple of seconds. “I- Robin, what you did is much dumber than just asking for them again.”

“I know!”

Alan, on his side, had in fact been pacing around his room, eventually, he had to stop and sit back on the bed. He ran a hand through his hair and fiddled with his shirt collar for several seconds before thinking of how to continue. Robin was waiting for a response, as she had fallen silent, save for the occasional short squeal of frustration that would come through.

“So this was all a misunderstanding then.” He didn't sound completely sure.

“Ugh, I mean no. It's mostly my fault. I'll take that, but it's because I wouldn't have done the interview if I had known what the questions were.”

Alan sighed. "So you went into the interview blind. And now you’re apologizing after wanting to kill me four hours ago."

"Yes! I get it, okay? I’m an idiot. I didn’t plan for it to spiral like this."

"That’s an understatement," he muttered. There was a pause.

"You didn’t have to make that interview so brutal," Robin said, more quietly now.

"You expected me to go easy on you?" Alan’s voice was incredulous.

She was going to implode. “Well, when you put it like that, I look like a little bitch.”

“What do you plan to do when criticism like this comes to you again?”

Robin buried her face in her free hand. “I’ve gotten worse, just not in front of a bunch of people, man!”

“You're twenty three, you'll recover.” He attempted to comfort her, but it only agitated her more for reasons unknown to him.

“D-don't treat me like a kid!” Her face was flushed, and her ears got hot.

“I never did. I simply meant to say that you have the rest of your career ahead of you.”

She brought her knees to her chest, her voice coming out much softer than either of them had anticipated. “So what? Do I just have ‘potential’ and nothing else? Is that how you see me?”

This time she could hear him breathe through the phone. “I'm not that important, Robin.”

Her eyes widened momentarily, and she mentally kicked herself for caring so much again. She was taking too long to answer, so he did in her stead. “I don't understand. Are you upset because you found the video defamatory or because you think I dislike you?”

Even through her pinkish-brown skin, the dark red of her blush could show through. That was a good question. The obvious answer was both, but if she looked inside herself, she could find which of the two dug at her ego the hardest.

“It's not like we're even friends.”

And she was not about to be honest about that.

“I suppose not.”

They were both quiet for a long time. It didn't feel right to hang up, but neither could come up with something more substantial to say.

She cleared her throat. “Look, I didn’t call you to- ugh, whatever this is. I just wanted to say sorry for blowing up. I… I get that you were just doing your job, and I need to stop making everything personal.”

“Good,” Alan said flatly.

Robin felt her heart sink just a little, even though she’d expected him to say something like that. What had she been hoping for?

“I just... I don’t want to be on bad terms with you. That’s all.”

“Bad terms? Robin, this wasn’t personal. I don’t go around trying to make enemies of people.”

“Well, you got pretty personal back at the mall with that little spiel about your life.” She said with a certain venom in her voice. This was supposed to be an apology, but she refused to pretend like she was the only emotional one in the situation.

He choked for a second, almost dropping his phone in the process. When he finally spoke, his voice sounded more than a little strained. “That was an oversight.”

“And what? Do mistakes only have consequences when I make them?”

He hesitated for several seconds. “And what consequences am I supposed to suffer then?”

It was Robin's turn to stall. During the span of five seconds, she went through all five stages of grief for her pride and finally settled on what she wanted. “I want you to forgive me.”

He blinked a couple of times. That was a much simpler request than he had expected. “I already did.”

“Forgive me like you mean it.”

“How am I supposed to prove that?” He was utterly perplexed, even if he didn't fully convey it.

“Everything has to go back to normal between you and me. Back to the random blocks of text at 3 PM. Back to asking about our day. No more videos or interviews in mind. Just talk, like normal.”

Alan was close to short circuiting. This took a turn that he never could have expected. “But like you said, we are not friends.”

“Well, fuck you, you’re my friend now.”

“What? Do I get a choice in the matter?”

“Nope.”

“You can't do that.”

“Sure can, white boy.”

“What does that have to do with anything?!”

“Talk to you tomorrow, Al. Good night.”

She hung up, leaving him more confused than he had been in his life. What?

#subnautica #subnautica below zero #robin ayou #al-an #al an #al an x robin #fanfiction #ao3 #hockey au

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sinofwriting · 15 hours ago

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👀. -🦢

Okay, I just want to say that you asked for this, so brace yourself, lol. Also, under the cut because I don't want to clog feeds.

Orange Cassidy has easily become one of my favorite wrestlers and I didn't even try to fight it.

As I find myself binging wrestling content, from youtube channels to watching previous PPV's and matches and now watching AEW Dynamite from the beginning, I like with everything I get into have strong opinions. There are wrestlers I'd love to see never wrestle again and then there are ones that I want to watch every single match they have ever done. Orange Cassidy falls into the second category.

His character (or gimmick) is lazy and I don't mean that as an insult! He wears denim and sunglasses, has his hands in his pockets, and moves slow. He looks like he doesn't care about wrestling until you chop him (hit him in the chest) or just piss him off and the gloves come off. (Perfect example of this is here). He gives the slowest, half hearted, thumbs up or down, only talks when he has to (from what I've seen), and is one of the most entertaining wrestlers to watch.

And I count that out of the ring as well! I've now watched a few interviews/podcasts he's done and he keeps the character going, still in the denim, still wearing the sunglasses, just more open to talking. Not every wrestler (anymore) keeps their character (or rather kayfabe) alive while doing "outside" promotion and things, but even during the one twitch stream I saw of his, he was keeping the character alive.

This is also a character that he developed and from what I read was not well received at first! Which is crazy because if you only watch AEW, you wouldn't think that. He's so well received, the fans (and company) love him. But he developed this character while doing indy wrestling and he apparently wasn't booked well, fans booed because of the style of wrestling it is (lazy sloth style wrestling, you could say). It was different and odd and just didn't go over well. Which is a shame because damn is it entertaining but it's worked out well for him!

He's had a few championship reigns while at AEW and hey bringing that up I have to talk about him holding the All Atlantic Championship (which then became the International Championship) belt for 326 days! Which I know isn't a year but he also defended it 32 times before losing it and he was doing non-title matches and tag team matches as well in that 326 days.

Some champions get flack for never defending their title (coughs Roman Reigns coughs), you could not say that about Orange Cassidy during that title run. Also did I mention that he's 41??? And look a lot of wrestlers are like mid-to late thirties, early to mid forties, but OC is 41 and looks like this:

No 41 year old should be looking like that and be funny and be good at their job. That's illegal!!!

Also, well wishes to him currently because he is injured and not able to wrestle after suffering a torn pec, so hoping his recovery is smooth.

I have more thoughts, like lots of thoughts, but here is some of them, uh thanks for coming to my ted talk, no one hurt me for my wrestling opinions, okay thanks!

#my inbox is wide open for wrestling questions #like I said I have thoughts and opinions #but yeah Orange Cassidy has my heart #sin answers #🦢 anon

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safedistancefrombeingsmart · 1 year ago

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After I watched StartUp I wondered why Martin rarely or never talked about the series and his character. I think I've seen him on YouTube talking about breaking down his characters but no Phil Rask, or maybe he's talked about it but I just don't know it(?) Sorry just wanna ask:)

I have wondered the same thing many times. I have not come across a single interview with Martin talking about StartUp. I haven't searched very thoroughly, but I am quite sure that (nearly) no interviews exist. Sadly. The series was alright, but nothing special. But Martin was exceptional, he stole every scene he was in. Plus, we got the Shower and Cafecito scenes. 😏

Maybe someone else knows more about it?

#martin freeman #startup #phil rask #asks #anon ask

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kairosimperative · 3 months ago

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Day Nine: Musicals

When I was a kid I used to think stage plays where people burst into song were so stupid. Now I just wish people burst into song in real life, but the next best thing follows. Wherever possible I’m going to try to use either animatics or the full album in the version I know best for the YouTube links.

Commentary: The Musical

Well sure I loved Dr. Horrible’s Sing-Along Blog! I just happen to love the other musical it comes with even more. The novelty of the whole production is exponentially multiplied by having its own origin story and cast interviews included in the format of additional songs. Some are filler, but if you try to average it out, Commentary still wins by virtue of Zack's rap.

Buffy the Vampire Slayer: Once More With Feeling

I juggled this one around my categories a bit (spoiler alert, there will be a “TV episodes” day), but I figure if I’ve bought the soundtrack, it’s a musical. My favorite is the “Under Your Spell/Standing Still” reprise, how about you? How cool is it that the actors all sang their own parts? What did you learn about your favorite characters while they were singing their hearts out? Where do we go from here?

Jekyll and Hyde

There’s a special place in my heart for the one that got me into musicals in general (I’d seen a few local productions before which failed to move me). A dear friend invited me and after we’d seen the show (pyrotechnics! dirty visual gags!), she loaned me the soundtrack and I cracked on it for months. Still can’t get over the dude singing both parts in a duet.

Les Misérables

Modern fans have a tendency to overuse the word ‘epic’, and in my opinion it’s the nature of the medium that good musicals are all pretty much epic, but if there’s one that truly deserves the title… History becomes classic novel becomes larger than life characters and songs that stir your heart. Kairos trivia: in both Les Mis and Jekyll & Hyde, my favorite song is called “Confrontation”.

RENT

This is the show that saved college for me. I was 19, just like Mimi. I had nothing else in common with any of the characters but I felt like every song was about me anyway. I can (probably) still sing it from beginning to end.

Hamilton: An American Musical

Oh man, guys, did you watch it on Disney+? Was that amazing? That was AMAZING.

Since everyone knows all about this one, there’s not much I need to say. I will note how much I appreciate getting history lessons this way, since it’s easier to amend whatever inaccuracies exist in the story than it is to remember the important stuff without catchy songs to help.

Galavant

It’s not an episode of a TV show, it’s an entire TV show! It’s a funny TV show with a high fantasy setting and it’s great and the characters burst into song on multiple occasions every episode. Weird Al shows up, which feels so right, and there’s a dragon named Tad Cooper. He’s not a lizard he’s a dragon and I super believe in him.

The Lion King

It’s all about the onstage magic -- the costumes, the puppets, the integrated sets -- but this is the first (and so far only) one I’ve seen on Broadway, so it’s all about that too; it’s all about the memory of my friend (see #5 -- same friend) and the amazing weekend in the city we had together. It’s all about The Lion King being my favorite Disney movie to begin with, and it’s all about Nala’s side of the story and “Shadowland” haunting me forever after.

Hadestown

Unlike most of my favorites, for this music the appeal isn't in quick patter and earworm potential; it's the story. The myth of Hades and Persephone is woven together with Orpheus/Eurydice and given a vaguely post-apocalyptic setting and a New Orleans vibe, and every single line serves the motivation of the characters and the themes of destiny and doubt and love.

It's incredibly beautiful. Around the halfway point, the adorkable head-in-the-clouds Orpheus finds out Eurydice is gone and he needs to do whatever it takes to find her, and the expression of his determination is so genuine and moving it's like entire volumes of character development went into a few seconds of song. The myth is barely altered, which is staggering when you think about how old it is. For humanity to hold onto a story for so long has to mean there's truth in it, so in a way, it really happened.

#hadestown #galavant #les miserables #hamilton musical #the lion king musical #commentary: the musical #jekyll and hyde #once more with feeling #rent

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lieslab · 4 months ago

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I have a conspiracy theory and its you work at the jyp building and you write skz personalities so well bc you regularly interact with them. I've been lurking on your page for the past two days. And I think you're in romantic relationship with someone special because the way you talk about love there is no way you can be single and never had a romantic relationship with anyone.

Godspeed girl

× 🖖🏻😌

If I was in Seoul, you'd get photos of drinks from cute cafes. If there's one thing I've seen from Seoul vlogs, it's that Seoul seems to have endless cafes. You can conspiracy theory all you want, but this is incredibly wrong and untrue.

I live in the mid-western United States. There are some cute cafes, but it's mainly agriculture driven. Lots and lots of cows, farmers, Walmarts, and fields. I don't live in a big city, but most big cities have the best things to do here. I can't speak or read Korean and nor do I have a passport, which means that I'm trapped in the United States for now.

It's not all bad. We have cows (road trips are full of cow pointing and mooing) We have gas stations and similar to Korea's convenience stores, they're full of snacks and drinks. There are some similarities, but a lot of cultural differences, too. I don't think you'd see many cows (if any at all) in Seoul. From my understanding, Seoul is a large city, so it'd probably have more in common with Chicago than where I live in a smaller town.

I write Skz personalities how I see them from their interviews and mainly their Skzoo Code content. Unless I'm writing a longer story, sometimes I change their personalities for those. If I knew them personality and constantly interacted with them, I don't think I'd continue writing fanfic about them. Knowing them on a deeper level, I'd feel awful continuing this. I write fanfic for my own personal entertainment and for yours, so I think knowing them authentically would take the fun out of it.

Should I be weary of your lurking? If I was in a romantic relationship, you'd definitely know. I'm pretty open about a lot of things and I'd certainly share that if that was the case. Everything I know about romantic relationships, I learn it from media and my own personal yearning and interest.

My parents were in a messy marriage for quite a while, so that also plays a huge role in how I write and my perceived takes on such relationships. I don't ever want anyone to fall into that sort of relationship where one personality dominates another and the submissive personality feels like they have to bow down to the more dominate personality or face wrath. I can't change the past, but I can certainly write, sway, and beg for people to pick what's best for themselves and do what makes them happy.

The way I grew up, I ended up very, very independent. The idea of having to rely on someone totally and completely for a romantic relationship, I'm still not comfortable with that. I still have parts of myself from past life issues that aren't healed. I know if I go into a romantic relationship still struggling with certain parts of myself, it will end in a mess.

I think the other thing that helps, I'm a total book worm. I love reading about a variety of different things. Sometimes that means writing books about why we are the way that we are. I'll log onto YouTube occasionally and watch video essays. I love knowledge and learning. I love learning about humans, brains, communities, and how we've evolved and changed over time.

I'm a sucker for deep topics. I always want to learn and evolve like a Pokemon. I like people. I like philosophy and psychology. Most importantly, I like history and words. There are thousands and thousands of stories in the world. It's such a shame that I don't have time to read them all and learn about every little niche topic. If I could be immortal, I think I would because I'd spend forever loving and learning

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driz-zle · 1 year ago

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⌕ JUST IN: EXCLUSIVE INTERVIEW

NOW UPLOADED: EPISODE #2 / EXES AND OH’S / I.Y.

Featuring: Lead Vocalist! Isagi Yoichi and Food Vlogger! Y/n L/n Bonus Appearance: Solo Artist! Bachira Meguru Tropes: Childhood Friends

VIDEO SEGMENTS: ###. WHAT IS YOUR NAME AND YOUR EX'S NAME? (Introduction) #1. What was your favorite aspect about the other person? #2. How did you break it to your friends and family? #3. At some point, did you ever feel like you were holding the other back?

We decided to bring together pairs of ex-lovers, iconic and famous all around the world, for a little Q&A. Welcome to Exes and Oh’s! Our special guests for today are none other than Isagi Yoichi and Y/n L/n! A pair whom the public deem as the biggest cliché. From being introduced to each other since childhood, to becoming high school sweethearts, their relationship was as adorable as it was tooth-rottingly sweet! They were, according to netizens, the definition of #relationshipgoals. But as they warn, not everything is at it seems, for the couple went into radio silence, no mentions or sighting with each other, until they suddenly announced their split!

###. WHAT IS YOUR NAME AND YOUR EX’S NAME? (Introduction)

“My name is Y/n L/n, a food vlogger on my YouTube where people know me as ‘Y/n.eats’, and my ex’s name is Isagi Yoichi”

“I’m Isagi Yoichi, lead vocalist of ‘EGOIST/S’, and my ex is food vlogger Y/n L/n.”

#1. What was your favorite aspect about the other person?

▶ PLAYING: Y/N L/N

“For me, it was always how Yoichi knew me the best.”

“He knew how I liked certain flavors more than others so he always got those kinds whenever he bought snacks. He knew how I sometimes forgot to eat whenever I was so focused on studying, so he set an alarm to remind me.”

“How do you think he kept up with all of your likes and dislikes?”

You snicker as you reply, “Don’t tell him, but I kinda caught him with a list of them on his phone. But for some, I’d like to think he knew by heart. Like knowing me was muscle memory.”

Unbeknownst to the audience, the camera crew behind were aw-ing at the thought and even sharing knowing looks. And if anyone were ever to mention the loving smile on your face, then you'd have to answer to that. It's their job after all, isn't it?

"Y/n? Have you seen my phone anywhere?" Yoichi asks from a few rooms over. The noise you must've heard a while ago was most probably him. "I'll check!" Getting up from the spot on your shared bed, you check the bedside drawers.

A familiar blue case with a Polaroid picture met your eyes. You'd found it. You were just about to yell that you had it when a notification from a familiar number caught your eye. One of your favorite restaurants.

Curious, you decide to open it, only for the screen to show with Yoichi's notes app. The particular note is numbered one to three with your top three restaurants, even containing a bulleted list under each one listing out what you liked from there.

When you scroll down, there are more lists and checkboxes, all in the same format ranging from tourist spots, ice cream flavors, snacks, brands, and whatever. Your heart warms at the sight. It doesn't help that he has a list of your dislikes and allergies too.

There's a knock on the doorway and you're quick to turn the phone off. Luckily, your back was facing the door. "Hey, I was just about to tell you I found it." Sighing in relief, he quickly approaches you, peppering your face with kisses. "Thanks, baby."

"I should be thanking you."

He blankly stares. His head tilts and inside his mind, he's running through every single surprise he had planned on his phone. He's just about to panic when you caress his cheek with a lovesick smile, "So, we're going somewhere tonight then?"

He relaxes in your hold and laughs. You don't get off easy though. He's quick to jump on you, tickling your sides, "How much did you see, hm?" You've fallen down on the bed, him leaning over you with a toothy grin on his face.

"Yoichi—! Stop!"

"Not until you tell me how much you saw!"

"I just saw the notification—! Stop it!" There are tears in your eyes when he pulls away and you're heaving. He chuckles at your state and you can't help but playfully smack his chest. Breathless, you crack a defeated but amused smile, "Now will you let me go?"

"And why would I do that?"

"Unless you don't want me to get ready for our date tonight then be my guest." He's never let go of you so quickly in his life.

#1. What was your favorite aspect about the other person?

▶ PLAYING: ISAGI YOICHI

He thinks for a while, “She always knew what to do in different situations. I’ve always admired her for it.”

“Could you elaborate for us?”

“She knows exactly what to say, what to do, and she especially knew what to eat. ”

“You’d just be having a bad day and she’s suddenly setting the table with the comforting smell that reminds you of your mother's cooking but better —he nervously chuckles— sorry mom."

The crew behind the camera laughs alongside him, "She was just— Her existence in and out of itself brought me comfort."

Isagi Yoichi doesn't know if he's had this bad of a day ever in his life. Yes, he's exaggerating, but his day was just that shitty. He wasn't playing on the level he usually was, his teammates weirdly ticked him off no matter what they did, and he just couldn't think. He has an inkling why. No, he knows exactly why.

The events of the previous night flash in his head one by one. Him arriving at your shared apartment late at night, and you, awake and grumpy, sitting on the couch. He recalls the arguing, and then you sleeping in the guest bedroom.

Then came the overthinking as he laid on your supposed-to-be shared bed, alone. It's always been a weakness of his. That he looks too much into things. It's something he's admitted himself.

It's the next day now, and when he opens the door, he expects silence. Maybe you'd gone to a friend's or just stayed away from the place, but he was surprised to smell the scent of Tonkatsu floating around. His stomach growls and he's swiftly walking to the kitchen.

His heart lifts up when he sees you setting the table. You two meet eyes for the first time in a few hours and he feels like everything's much clearer now.

With a partly opened mouth, he's about to spit out his apologies and essays but you send him a pointed look and he gets the message. He's sat and digging into his food, with you right across from him. Yoichi speaks up first, "I'm sorry."

You don't look impressed and he thinks you're still mad until you speak up. "I forgive you, but please don't talk with your mouth full." He blinks, swallows, then lets out a boisterous laugh.

The tension in his shoulders disappears along with the wrinkle in his brow. The sight makes you smile. "We can talk about it later, right now, I think I just want to pamper my boyfriend who obviously had a stick up his ass the whole day."

He rolls his eyes, "Which one of the guys told you?"

"All of them."

"Snitches."

"Barou was complaining the most though, saying how you were so snappy, your plays were so boring, how you weren't even worth paying attention to on the field." You list out the king's complaints, holding back your laughter at his betrayed expression.

He softens up though when you wipe the mess on his lips, "M'always going to be proud of you, baby."

He's suddenly reminded that if the day ends with you, then there's no possibility it'll ever be shitty.

#2. How did you break it to your friends and family?

▶ PLAYING: Y/N L/N

“Friends, it wasn’t that climactic. But for our parents, —you wince— it was hard, especially since I practically grew up with his family alongside mine."

"There was this sort of understood agreement between everyone in our families that we were going to end up together at some point.”

A fond smile appears on your face, "His mother started to call me her daughter-in-law as a joke which just kept running through the years.” You chuckle, and it dies down to a sigh, “To me, they were already family, always have been, ever since the beginning.”

▶ PLAYING: ISAGI YOICHI

“For my friends, I sort of just slipped it in a conversation. For our parents though, they were kinda devastated. You’d think it was their relationship! —he laughs— but then again, I remember how they were so excited when we told them.”

Isagi smiles sadly, a faraway look in his eyes. Now conscious of his expression, he immediately perks up, “Did you know they even bet on when we’d make it official?”

"What's with the set-up Yoichi?" Iyo Isagi, his mother asks. "Right, you two seem so tense." Your mother quips, sitting on a sofa with your father across from Yoichi's parents. Meanwhile, you and Yoichi are on single seaters, the distance painfully obvious to no one but you two.

You avoid their eyes, having them wander along the Isagi household. The halls you used to run around with him, the kitchen you'd always sneak into when the two of you were hungry, the TV where you cried over your shows while Yoichi sat next to you with tissues, water, and a smile that just said 'What am I going to do with you?'

"Mom,—he starts— Y/n and I had a serious conversation about this and we've made our decision." Your heart drops when both of your moms lock eyes and you can almost imagine the sparkles around the two of them.

"Are you two finally engaged?!" They chorus. Your dads let out noises of complaint, "Looks like we lost this bet too, Issei." Your dad huffs and Issei Isagi, Yoichi's dad, lets out a defeated smile. It's a different story for the both of you though.

You're horrified at their excitement while Yoichi feels a lump in his throat. And while he doesn't have it with him, the weight of the ring he bought felt like it was dragging him down. "No, Mom, we're not engaged...nor will we be..." They visibly deflate at the last part, now staring in confusion.

"Mom, Dad, Y/n and I have decided to break up."

#3. At some point, did you ever feel like you were holding the other back?

▶ PLAYING Y/N L/N:

“Ah…”

There’s a pressure that lands a hit in your chest, a bitterness that rises from your throat. “Well, obviously being in a band or pursuing music isn’t easy. It was manageable at first since they were just doing small gigs and all, but then they went on international tours and then it just… I think we bit off more than we could chew.” The smile you give is bitter and painful.

“How so?”

“There was the time difference, the distance, the doubt—” Your voice dies off quietly, “the guilt…”

“But y’know, we had our own separate lives and at that point, I guess we just had to figure out who we were when we were separated. Yoichi went on to become a musician famous all around the world, while I did what I loved and began vlogging.”

“I think that feeling...it’s when I saw him onstage in person that I realized. There was that lingering feeling that, maybe we were just supposed to end on different paths. He was born to be on the world stage, to be a star."

"But then I thought, next to him, what would I be? And the thought came up that maybe, I was baggage.”

You don't know how long it's been since your boyfriend haphazardly rang the doorbell and barged into your hotel room. You don't know how he managed to do it unnoticed either. But all that mattered in that moment was that he was there, in your arms, physically with you.

"Yoichi?" A tired groan vibrates through you, his face buried in the crook of your neck. "What brought this on? Weren't you supposed to be staying at the hotel near the venue?"

"Just wanted to see you." Your fingers thread through his dark hair. It's peaceful and serene, in the dim light of your hotel room, his shoes and a bag that was messily packed, lying near the doorway. The smell of his signature cologne floods your nose.

Yet there's this weird feeling in your stomach. A feeling that warns you, reminds you that in the morning he's going to disappear again. Not literally. But he's going to be on the world stage. And it hits you then that you're scared. Terrified, even, that he might go to where you can't follow.

But then you think, doesn't he deserve that much and more? The boy who you learned how to bike with, the boy who always came with you to buy snacks, the boy who was your other half, the boy who always gushed and dreamed about standing tall, on a bigger, brighter stage.

And when he wakes you up before the sun rises, gathers his things, and kisses you goodbye, you're left in the hotel room, stuck with the uneasy and sinking feeling, that he left you behind again.

#3. At some point, did you ever feel like you were holding the other back?

▶ PLAYING: ISAGI YOICHI

“When we first got big, a lot of the staff were surprised cause I apparently adapted really easily, but that didn’t stay the same with other people. Y/n…she had to sacrifice a lot to support me.”

“Really? Like what?”

“She missed out on a few classes to go to gigs, traveled hours just to meet up with me, and always made sure to check in every single day."

The expression on his face becomes strained, "Out of college, she traveled everywhere with me which is why she resorted to vlogging since staying in one place wasn’t an option. Honestly, I messed up a lot as a boyfriend.”

“Why do you think so?”

“I missed important dates cause of events or touring, and I just—she didn’t deserve someone who couldn’t even be there to act as a boyfriend in the first place.”

The clocks around the establishment look like they're mocking Isagi. Obviously, they're not, but to him, it surely feels like it. It's been almost three hours since the time he promised he would meet up with you, and he's only just arrived.

The little restaurant gives a homey feel, with warm lighting, and trinkets around every corner. They're already closing up, evident by the clatter the staff is making behind the counter. Standing right by the cashier though, is a grandma he vividly remembers visiting every week as a child with you.

"Yoichi? Is that you? Oh my goodness it is! Come, come!" So now here he ended up, a bowl of her specially made ramen for a very special customer or so she says. "Y'know, my grandchildren are really big fans of yours! You've really made a name for yourself haven't you?"

He chuckles, embarrassed at the flattery. "Oh I remember when you were younger and you and little Y/n would always enter the shop together, ordering the same thing, and sitting at the same pair of seats every time." And just when his mood was lifting up.

"She was here a while ago, poor girl looked a little upset." She suddenly looks at him sternly, "You better have not done anything, young man." He gulps and nods.

It was partly true. He didn't do anything, didn't try to insist on getting out of the meeting or the surprise fan meet-up, which landed him in his current predicament. "Honestly, everyone had high expectations for that girl, which is why it was surprising to see her doing something like food vlogging.”

She chuckles, "Always encouraged her to go into medicine, that one, so she could help me when I got old haha! Well, to each their own."

Everyone always had their expectations for you, but what was your dream? Have you ever expressed what you wanted to do? In all his years of knowing you, Yoichi couldn't remember. You've always put others first. Your friends, your parents, Him.

The thought sent Yoichi reeling, glaring at his food like it'd just committed a crime. To each their own indeed, but did you really have a choice?

###EXTRA EPISODE: THE HAPPIEST THIRD WHEELER: BACHIRA MEGURU

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dragonpurrs · 2 years ago

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Hey! So I'm on a mission to make sure the alterhuman/non-human/otherkin/and so many others/ communities are properly represented. I'm a snow leopard kin and voidkin myself and know that there are a lot of misconceptions about us, a long with just not much information on some certain topics about our communities. With all of that being said, if you were to see more writing about our communities, what do you think needs to be mentioned more often?

Oh hi! Well, first I'll be seconding what Nova had to say on the subject. Aside from that, I feel like a lot of people have it in their heads that alterhumanity is purely 100% only a spiritual/past life type deal for every single one of us, which is of course not true!

I think also, more writings from alterhumans who aren't living things/fall outside the bounds of what can be easily grasped. Plenty of folks here are alterhuman with the vast expanse of space, rocks, toys...you name it! I don't have high hopes for our public perception in the near future, but more positivity around identifying "strangely" in general... It's so disheartening to see people like Toco (Youtube: I want to be an animal) bullied relentlessly for existing and being happy. I dunno. Being Strange Positivity I guess. You CAN put rocks in your mouth (just don't swallow them)! I feel like going "haha no we do not sleep in cages" is I guess...misguided? What if some of us DO wanna sleep in a giant cage with a doggy bed? SO WHAT? Who is that hurting? Especially in times like these, it's important to not reinforce stigma within our community, when there is already so much outside of it. Also, well, more writings in different languages! I recently joined a Spanish speaking alterhuman community and it was SO heartening to be in...I'm Latino and getting to speak with alterhumans who speak Spanish expanded my world, I met alterhumans who are like me and others who are not like me, that I never would have met if there was no Spanish speaking community at all. A lot of our community documentation is, well, A. Fairly new and B. In English. I believe we had a bit of a moment at Othercon this year discussing a potential alterhuman language learning/exchange server - I think that's a wonderful idea! Perhaps a "Resource translation community" is in order as well. Expanding on what Nova said about fictionfolk, I definitely think a "Clearing up misconceptions" is in order after the uh, well...The Incident™. If you've ever seen someone use the term "Kinning" to mean "This is my blorbo" you know what I'm talking about. And honestly just more on fictionfolk in general. The Incident™ really hurt the way fictionfolk are viewed, and the way they may view themselves in turn. I think that would help a lot. Moving on from discussion of The Incident™, I really liked the alterhuman etiquette panel during Othercon this year! I'd love to see more input on that subject. Oh and finally, as a word of caution: Generally speaking, if [News outlet] or [Journalist] who is not a KNOWN member of the community that YOU KNOW YOU CAN TRUST reaches out for an interview, say NO! News media "interviews" for alterhumans are used mostly to exploit and bully us for views and money. If you want to go through with applying for an interview, documentary, whatever VERIFY they are who they say they are, LOOK at their track record (have they interviewed other 'weird' communities? how polite were they? what do the comments look like? what sort of community do they foster?) and DO NOT HESITATE TO ASK OTHER PEOPLE IN THE COMMUNITY FOR HELP!!!

#alterhuman #asks #I know this is like a stock ask sent to a bunch of people but thanks for getting my input anyway <3 #re: the interviews thing i am in more than one stigmatized community and uh #well one time TLC reached out to the MLPTP (my little pony trading post)#asking suspicious questions to people on the forum and trying to get personal information and get them on their reality TV show #so that's why i say 'known' member of the community #people who pop out of nowhere no previous history no one has seen them before may have malicious intentions

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thatmittengirl2009 · 11 hours ago

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It’s officially entered a new level of crazy. “Ex-fans” want to sue a celebrity because he did a PR stunt they did not like? What the fuck did I actually just read?!?!

Here is how parasocial relationships go: a person watches someone from a distance. Usually it revolves around a public figure, someone they see in media, tv, even YouTube. They learn all facts and then pretend they know them. At some point obsession blurs the line of what is reality. The person then believes they absolutely know this other person and usually idealize them or believe they are in a relationship with this person in some way whether romantic or platonic. It is a real mental health issue.

When people realize they were in a parasocial relationship with someone, they must take the blame. Usually the other person is not even aware they exist. Therefore a fan cannot blame a celeb for “forcing a parasocial relationship on them.” That is on the fan, not the other way around. A celeb sues and gets a restraining order on the fan in this scenario. What really was going on is the fan is so unhappy in their own life that they drifted into a fantasy world and latched onto another person for comfort. But that is creepy and unfair to the innocent person who’s not even aware you exist.

Fans cannot join together to sue a celeb because of what other fans did. At no point did Chris Evans tell you to get rope or that other one said often about put a barrel in your mouth. Fans can sue other fans for death and harmful threats but you cannot sue a third party because they didn’t say anything. How the fuck are they to know tumblr blogs and random Twitter accounts are saying this. Do you think celebs lurk on every profile? Know what you could have did? Just fucking walk away from it and go live your life doing other productive things. Roll around in some grass and be productive at your careers instead of arguing online. No one is saying you had to be here. You chose to come online for free!

The sad part of all this? I totally believe this is a thing. As much as I want to believe that’s a planted anon rant to make fans look crazy, I really can see that being a real person crying and typing that trash out. So many fans clutched onto the mental health thing and self projected. Yes he said he had anxiety but from what I’ve ever seen that is it. He’s never said what kind of anxiety. He’s never really delved into treatment if at all. But people took that and ran with it and made him this poster boy for ALL mental health. I really don’t remember him advocating for it much to be honest. But apparently to them he did. So many girls would private DM me on X saying how they felt sick, they were throwing up, they were having dark thoughts wanting to end it because he ended up with someone like her. And every single time I gently tried to give them a reality check, I was told I “just didn’t get it.” He was their world. And I would reply “that is so sad.” Every single day a woman would message me asking the same question “are you still sure this is fake?” Every. Fucking. Day. I had just put my dog down and that day I got a message “so sorry to hear about your dog. But did you see this? Are you sure this is still fake?” 😳

I had to abandon it all and step away from that account not because I didn’t know what I was saying or that my mind had changed but I realized his fan base is fucking bonkers and full of parasocial fangirls in their 40s and 50s who stalk his addresses, management trusts, have every detail and screenshot saved of every tiny interview ever. The moment I predicted something wrong, they would make sure to come at me right away “are you sure you even know what you’re talking about?!? You were wrong!” And then they’d spiral into woe is me parasocial ex girlfriend meltdowns. One girl made sure to do this as much as possible to me while having a pinned tweet saying “I promise myself one day I’m gonna marry that man! I’ll do whatever it takes.”

Hell, at one point they started becoming parasocial with me. Well not that extent but the copy shit was real. They would basically copy paste my posts as their own, they would message me on LinkedIn which was creepy because no one knew my last name. Many would stalk my followers and try to follow the same people messaging them. It was fucking creepy and weird!! I was accused so many times that I worked on his team and I was there to mock his fans. No, y’all did that successfully on your own!

I was new here but thanks to them it really didn’t take me much digging at all to see stuff. You could see how passionate some were to share their knowledge and give tidbits. But it was that passion that was terrifying at the same time. This energy could go into finding a cure for cancer and instead it’s all about finding dirt on this girl because you’re pissed he’s publicly dating her. That was just the dating stage!! One girl who had a mental health battle once a week told me “he needs to just stay single. He has so much to deal with already! He just shouldn’t date!” People scanned his tagged photos day and night ready to share them eagerly. Then when he got married, it was a different tune. I don’t blame people for not wanting to stick around because marrying someone who stands for terrible things does say a lot about him. You don’t have to support someone who does not align with your personal values and that’s cool! I respected those who said ok no bye. But move on then. Don’t do this whole “how could he! We’re gonna sue for emotional distress!” People had group chats that just went round and round and round in endless loops about the same shit, just a different day. And if you said anything about him? Oh man you got an earful.

I don’t doubt he’s to blame in a lot of this. I don’t think he deserves all the hate he’s gotten either. But yeah maybe it’s his overdue karma for something, who knows. The moment I said “fuck Scott” though, these ladies jumped at me like HOW DARE YOU blocking me and calling me names. Fans are absolutely delusional and will only ever see what their fantasy wants them to see. It’s a sort of confirmation bias.

So people want to sue Chris Evans now? Ok good luck in court with that one. 😂😂 It makes you all look even more insane and I just can’t. Please oh please tell me this is ending soon like this month because what the actual fuck. Everyone, both ��teams” and sides need a hard reality check. And soon. I agree he let his personal life be the main focus for way too long and how it got to this point but there’s always time for a reset and that starts with firing the entire team, getting rid of fake ass friends, and calling out the fans. Let them know which boundaries they can no longer cross and let them be pissed and cry.

He is not responsible for YOUR mental health and YOUR trauma and YOUR life issues. Everyone is responsible for their own happiness, their own healing and their own reactions and how they proceed. Not no fucking Chris Evans who once said he had anxiety. Please slap yourself and wake the fuck up.

None of this is new behavior. This has been going on for YEARSSSSS long before Alba ever arrived in the picture and it’s long overdue for addressing. Like people specifically took summer jobs and internships in Boston because they thought they’d run into him and get married. That type of addressing.

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musicarenagh · 10 months ago

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Curtis Millen: Revving Up the Funk with 'Driver’s Seat' For Curtis Millen, music is not simply performing on a stage, listening to a recorded studio session, or applauding when the lights go out; it is an exhilarating adventure packed with rhythm, energy, and soul that every listener finds themselves immersed in. Born in Belfast, Ireland, Curtis has spent the past couple of years making a name for himself within the European funk and jazz scene and has now relocated to Rotterdam. Drawing upon inspiration from artists such as Prince, Stevie Wonder, and Tom Jones active in different eras, Curtis has blended these influences and come up with a contemporary soul and funk style that is characteristic of him and his fans who appreciate that sound. Now, Curtis Millen is ready to share the stage along with the release of his debut single "Driver's Seat". This one, however, is an assertive, dynamic, and funky pop extravaganza created with the help of an award winning guitarist Niels Onstenk. A traditional rhythm established by icons such as James Brown is successfully synthesized with Vulfpeck type of sound present in this single. "Driver's Seat" serves as a canvas for Curtis' showmanship and raw talent at its best. In this candid interview Curtis speaks about the ups and downs of making ‘Driver’s Seat’, his inspirations and how the tune encapsulates his personality on stage. Curtis details the making of this song explaining why it is the first of many interesting achievements in his growing career in music – from thinking about what the song would be like or what are it’s lyrics. Listen to Driver's Seat https://open.spotify.com/album/34lJ2geysNocwXBMqiulPw?si=efZYFv5-Rw-xnfvCvxqH0A Follow Curtis Millen on Facebook Spotify Soundcloud Youtube Instagram Congratulations on the release of "Driver's Seat"! Can you tell us what inspired this song and its concept? The inspiration for this song came from a burning desire to create a funk song that encapsulates the high energy style of song that are often seen in my performances. We listened to a lot of Old Skool Funk in James Brown, Stevie Wonder, Chuck Brown and then took a trip into the New Skool Funk game to check out some Vulfpeck and Cory Henry to see how we could find a blend of the two. What was the songwriting process like for "Driver's Seat"? Did the lyrics or the melody come first? After listening to condensed list of treasured songs I was sitting in the studio with my neighbour, Gianni Noten, an expert ion all things funky when out of nowhere, Niels Onstenk, the song's producer came bolting out of the shower still soaked with his towel round him to grab his phone from the studio desk and record a voice note of the idea for the song that just came to him in his shower time epiphany. For context we have a studio in the living room of our apartment. The title "Driver's Seat" suggests themes of control and direction—how does this relate to your personal experiences or the message of the song? Well, it's all about taking control in the bedroom and having your romantic partner reassured that they're in for a good time if you just let me do my thing! Can you walk us through the production process? Who did you collaborate with to bring this single to life? This project was solely a collaboration between Niels Onstenk aka Niké Laos and myself. Occasionally tapping on the shoulders of close friends regarding the mix or the feel and contacting people like artist and DJ Winnie Ama for advice on the vocal performance. Are there any specific sounds, instruments, or influences that helped shape the mood and energy of "Driver's Seat"? The bridge really made it for me! I left the studio to go the the gym with the song only having tis chorus and prechorus at that stage. When I came back Niels played the bridge to me and I lost my mind and the hook came to me in aninstant,"Don't mind the time, Just Enjoy the Ride!" How does "Driver's Seat" fit into the overall story or theme of your music career so far? Does it represent a shift in direction or sound for you?

A huge shift for me personally as it captures how I feel I sound in a live setting when I'm my peak during a funk performance. It's the song to pave a way forward for my sound as an energetic funk and soul singer. The vocal delivery in "Driver's Seat" is powerful—how did you approach capturing the right emotion and energy in the studio? It took a lot of work. Initially the song was in Bb before Niels played it in a friends car and decided it needed to be higher for bigger energy so he transposed it to D and brought the vocals along up with it. Tried it a few times but the pre-chorus was tricky in the new key so I took it to two different vocal coaches, Meg Davis and Jimmy Adelina to work on belting with a fuller sound and in a way that's safe for the vocal cords. The day we did the final vocal take I Had it in my head that I needed to get this nailed. I needed to have it the way I hear it in my head and I didn't leave the mic alone until I did. Not until I had myself convinced of what I was saying and how I was saying it. Is there a particular lyric or moment in the song that holds special significance to you? There's a special part in the middle of the song where I sing along with the horn line but it's masked with a phaser effect on the vocals but when we listened to that back dry in the studio I fell to the floor laughing at the sound of it. That and the car horn in the middle of that part catch me off guard when I hear it back on big speakers. [caption id="attachment_57296" align="alignnone" width="1106"] There's a special part in the middle of the song where I sing along with the horn line but it's masked with a phaser effect on the vocals but when[/caption] What was the most challenging aspect of creating this single, and how did you overcome it? Settling on the mix and the vocal performance. After hammering down the vocal performance it took a lot of back on forth on deciding which sound would be the one that would be released. So after driving around Rotterdam listening to it back and comparing it to the likes of Vulfpeck and PJ Morton we found where to take the sound to and settled on the direction forward,. How have your fans responded to "Driver's Seat" so far? Has there been any feedback that really stood out to you? The best feedback so far has been that it sounds like its been taken directly out of the 70s and for me that's what I envisioned when performing it What message or feeling do you hope listeners walk away with after hearing "Driver's Seat"? Confidence in being the one who can take the lead. It has an uplifting energy and a lot of testosterone and that's something to be shared. How do you balance the storytelling elements with the musical elements when writing a song like "Driver's Seat"? In a similar approach as from one of my biggest inspirations, Michael Jackson, get your point across and make your voice clear and percussive so that it blends in nicely with the music https://open.spotify.com/artist/4NqYCaCGzJS78unXRAb3HS?si=t-7-uUNqSrS0HsX24FP5IA Who or what are some of your biggest influences in music, and did any of them shape the sound of this single? Prince, Tom Jones, James Brown, Vulfpeck, Michael Jackson, Charlie Wilson/The GAP Band, Stevie Wonder and Cory Henry. I can honestly say all of them shaped the sound of this single both musically and vocally Looking ahead, do you have any other projects or releases on the horizon that you're excited about? After this one we're releasing a foot-stomping funk song, 'Break Out the Cutters' which is coming out in October. Release date currently TBC. How does "Driver's Seat" fit into the broader vision of your artistic journey? It's the first step in a narrative where I am truly myself. It's the beginning of a musical journey that starts with me being able to say I'm at peace with myself and this is now visible in my self-expression If you had to sum up "Driver's Seat" in one sentence, how would you describe it? High-octane funk about taking your

lover by the hand and taking them for the ride of their life!

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torchiiko · 10 months ago

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ok zoochosis review/critique From someone who hasnt even played the game lmao

for those who dont know, zoochosis is a horror game abt dealing with mutated animals while "interviewing" for the night shift at a sketchy zookeeper job. heads up this ended up being WAY longer than i thought itd be & it might not make any sense without having seen at least one playthru. oops!

i think it has a great premise! its got an interesting concept but it isnt done as well as it couldve been. theres a lot of questions that either get left unanswered or the youtubers ive seen play so far just didnt find the answers, which sucks. the story doesnt feel finished, & i will give the developers some slack given that the screenwriter for the game passed, but that doesnt excuse releasing the game in the state ive seen in the gameplay videos

to start, the tutorial doesnt explain everything it should. youre only guided thru Some of the main tasks & sure, ppl can figure the rest out on their own, but when the entire gameplay loop revolves around diagnosing animals you need to make sure the players know how to use all the tools to get the correct diagnoses. maybe its in character for doc, the tutorial npc/antagonist to leave you half-informed, but it can just be frustrating for the player. it isnt Too big of a deal but i have seen ppl make a few easily avoidable mistakes bc they werent properly filled in at the start

next, the bugs are Nasty, to the point of preventing you from progressing or getting the ending youre attempting to get. you have to collect parasites for a shot at getting a good ending (killing "the mother", who ill get to later) but some of the parasites will either vanish when theyre needed after collecting them or inexplicably be dead when you need them alive. ive seen animals mutate while the player was still in the exhibit & be killed, only for the mutated animal cutscene to trigger as the player was leaving. the mutant was already killed, so theyre stuck with danger music blaring & the species name & empty health bar at the top of the screen. i have yet to see manlys playthru, but i hear he suffered at the hands of bugs as well

pausing to say smth positive before i move on to my main issue, the visuals are fantastic! the animals, being the main feature of the game, are very well done & i rlly enjoy how they incorporated certain behaviors, such as the giraffes spreading their legs out to get low enough to eat out of the trough & a few of the animals randomly sparring (giraffes fighting with their necks, moose butting antlers). its a real nice touch & adds a bit more life to the animals. the mutant designs are a little hit or miss, theyre definitely scary & unsettling but some are better than others. it doesnt help that the lights in the enclosures often go out when they mutate, making it harder to even see the monster design as they scurry around

the animals you can visit rotate in & out every time you finish a run, which i guess is supposed to keep things fresh so players replay multiple times but it just gets annoying. 1 new animal every couple hours doesnt make up for the fact those animals will eventually stop being new Or that you get locked out of a different animal. why cant they just all be available & the player can choose which ones they visit each run? probably to force them to see all the mutant designs... which. all the mutant encounters play out almost the exact same way. only the elephant has an interesting mechanic, its got armor plating that you have to get rid of before you can dart it either to cure or kill it. you have to bait it into charging at a wall to knock off its plating, thats cool! it adds strategy to the fight instead of just shooting 3 times. none of the other mutants have smth like this, they just run/climb/fly around

but my main critique is the Story. it feels rushed & poorly paced. a lot of commenters on jacksepticeyes video said it wouldve worked better as a slower burn & i agree. a single night isnt enough time to let anything simmer or have any big realizations or payoff, & it makes replaying the game over & over to see more endings or get more lore incredibly tedious bc of how repetitive the tasks are

the characters motivations are either entirely unknown or not strong enough. the player, paul, takes the job in the first place bc his family is allegedly impoverished, to the degree you have the option to smuggle meat-based animal food to his wife so she & their daughter can have "real food." the reveal happens not too long after; its human meat. which, even if it Wasnt, why would he ever think to give his family animal food?? itd be nice to break things up by days with sections at home so the audience can see what his home life is like & get a better idea of why he would be so desperate

additionally, he shouldve been offered an even higher salary as hush money to give him more incentive to go along with the downright illegal things going on! paul is shockingly nonchalant abt everything going on & goes along with it with little resistance. he just tosses a LIVING WOMAN into a meat grinder bc he was told to!!!! i will say the player can choose not to do this, but itd be nice if paul at least hesitates a little so the player actually knows they have a choice & arent being forced into it to progress

doc, on the other hand, has No known motivations for any of the aforementioned illegal goings on & makes No attempt to hide it!! he doesnt even try to cover up what his whole little scheme is, doesnt try to soothe paul by claiming the woman "deserves" to die bc shes a criminal or smth, or that the bodies are sourced from somewhere "more ethical" or even try to make up some nonsense abt human meat having health benefits to the animals, he just comes out & says "yeah the animals mutate & they can only be satisfied by human flesh. dont tell anyone bc u signed an nda & itll be a violation + ill kill you" ???

he explains "the mother" sends out parasites to infect & mutate the animals but we never get to know Why. why is he going thru all the hassle of appeasing this monster? the zoo has been closed for at least a year, how are there still funds to keep everything running? he supposedly has big connections to the point cops are covering for him, but WHY? why is he so important that the cops cover for him, what do they get out of letting it all slide?? does he actually still care abt maintaining the animals or is the whole zoo now just a front to funnel in more sacrifices?? was it always that way?? where did the mother come from?? what, exactly, is she?? nothing is ever explained abt this!

By the way, theres some extra, completely missable dialogue if you grind the woman right away after being told to. you get another call where paul Attempts to protest, but doc is like "lol lmao btw you have the same parasite the animals do. maybe if you survive the night ill cure you or smth. at least the mutants see you as own of their own. also ur poor & u need the money so do this" & like. the game Starts with paul saying he might get the job if he survives, then he gets locked into the zoo & his phone taken away & it somehow doesnt raise any red flags for him while his wife is like "this isnt normal!!!!"

also, completely irrelevant, but when doc leaves he offers to tell pauls wife hes staying the night bc shes waiting outside bc yknoe. it was supposed to just be an interview. but paul says "nahh dont tell her shell figure it out" so like. wtf paul. its Raining & ur letting her stand out there waiting for you??? some husband you are :/

anyway. if the game took place over a matter of days, we could have time to adjust, rlly let things sink in & maybe get some more answers drip fed to us over time. maybe youve been smuggling meat to your wife for a few days, having it for family meals until you get your first paycheck, but now the zoos supply is out & you need to refill it; cue the human meat reveal. it would also be nice if you could monitor an animals symptoms over days & potentially prevent them from ever mutating! the games subtitle is "rescue the animals" after all. youre supposed to be able to pacify mutants by feeding them the meat along with their regular food, but if you leave to go prepare the food mix, you risk the normal animals in the enclosure getting attacked & dying!

the game leaves clues like "monitor how often an animal sleeps, it could be a symptom of illness" or "look out for wounds on the animals" but when everything can be diagnosed with the main tools, & noticing these things doesnt do anything to prevent mutation, it just ends up being useless flavor text. also, every enclosure has at least one sick animal & a mutant Every Time, theres no variety. maybe its not "scary" to not have a monster attack you every 10 minutes, but itd definitely add some suspense. maybe you cure an animal only for them to remain sick, showing that smth deeper is ailing them

a night by night system would also be more interesting storywise! instead of finding out all thr dark secrets right away, things just seem more & more strange as you go on. maybe youre advised not to look into it if you wanna keep your job so you fall into blissful ignorance so you can provide for your family. maybe you do snoop around & get offered life changing amounts of hush money for your silence, since theyd "hate to lose a good worker :((". maybe there are more employees, some innocently unaware of the truth, some burdened with the knowledge of what rlly goes on but too desperate or afraid to speak out

the woman mentioned a few paragraphs ago, the one who gets meat grinded, shes actually crucial to getting a good ending. shes sarah, an investigative journalist, & you have to rescue her so she can help you get the recipe for a poison to kill The Mother & all her parasites (which will save your life). the motivation for her murder is obvious, she was gonna leak the whole operation, but wouldnt it be much cooler if she was undercover as an employee throughout the course of the game? shes working alongside you, trying to get more info, trying to convince you "hey, isnt this weird?" only for her to vanish one night, fired for "accessing unauthorized locations." if you already have suspicions you might be inclined to dig deeper & be able to rescue her, or maybe you take her firing at face value, thats what she gets for snooping, right?

one last little thing id like to mention here, in the best ending of the game you save the woman & expose the zoo, kill the mother & doc in one fell swoop as her poison needs delivered in live food, & save your wife. thats right, your wife gets dragged into this! yknow why? bc if you dont answer her calls, she reports her worries to the police & they kill her! & you are misled into doing this!!! when you save sarah, she tells you not to call your wife back & to save your phones last bit of battery for the police when you get some more evidence, makes sense right? except if you dont, she gets killed by said police! you Have to call her back & soothe her so she doesnt report you missing at the zoo & get killed. theres No way of knowing this before it happens, forcing you to replay the game to get the best ending even if you already got the good one (but your wife died)

it couldve been so, so cool but the story especially just falls flat. it seems like they either rushed it or just cared more abt having an excuse to show off their scary monster designs & threw the story to the side. ive seen ppl complain that the game was too short for the price, but ironically you have to play it over & over for hours to get more story ...unless you happen to get the default bad/death ending & assume thats all there is. or get too frustrated by bugs & glitches that you drop it entirely. its not Awful but its definitely unpolished & it shows

#VERY LONG POST DO NOT READ UNLESS YOU RLLY CARE ABT MY OPINION LMAO #honestly this might actually be enough for a short youtube video sory guys #dear God its 3 am. i soent wayyyh too long on thsi #torch chatter #ramble

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