#I swear to Satan

[fandomonic-plague]

I've been in the car with two of my housemates for a while, and I've had headphones on the whole time. I started listening when out of nowhere I hear housemate (D) start speaking about the army.

And he says: "They don't actually want all the strong people, they just want people who can follow instructions, or in (deadname)'s case, people who will follow instructions when given them, not argue about it for..." and then I said "i haven't been listening this whole time but the first thing I hear from you is me being just dissed."

Anyway! Anyone know a good way to keep yourself from crying?

[iamunabletothinkofablogname]

YOU SAW NOTHING

[hickory-devil]

Clinging to the Antichrist Copia theory like my life depends on it

[rockcat2112]

When can I relax? During morning? No ❌

During evening? No ❌

When it's finally peace and quiet at like inbetween of 2 and 5 AM? Bingo! ✓✓✓

[storytellersnek]

Them: *enjoying lunch*

Me: You're so fucking adorable

Them: Fuck You

Me: I wish you would

Them: 💀

[braindeadcardboardeater]

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARGH

[againstthegrainphoto]

……I literally want to fight the next fucking idiot who refers to him as “boob ghoul”…..

Like not even joking.

This fandom has seriously gone to shit. And it sucks.

….not that it was ever GREAT…..but man. They have zero respect for the fandom and lore that the older fans have spent years cultivating…..and that’s real shitty….don’t ya think ghestie?🖕🏻

[blahajowner]

Can’t even sleep in peace istfs

[devildomwriter]

Dating Advice From Everyone #1

*Please don’t take anyone’s advice except for the angels, and if you wanna be petty Thirteen’s*

If he doesn’t treat you right you should ?

Lucifer — “Poison them. Make sure to use ground peach pit, it won’t show in any reports and it stops the heart almost immediately. No one will ever know.”

Mammon — “Steal their credit card information.”

Leviathan — “Expose them online and dox them.”

Satan — “Curse them.”

Asmodeus — “Chop their dick off.”

Beelzebub — “Eat them. Or feed them to someone else, humans taste like pork.”

Belphegor — “Set them up for something and send them to jail.”

Solomon — “Make them disappear. I’ll help. Look up cities where people go missing most often—“ *long tangent*

Thirteen — “Take all the buttons, batteries, zippers, lightbulbs, and one shoe from every pair from the home.” :)

Simeon — “Write how you feel into a letter asking for help then read it as if it were someone else and do what you’d advise them.”

Raphael — “Pray on it, the answer will come to you. Trust your instincts. If that doesn’t work ask a friend for help if you think you’re in danger. I’ll lend you my spear should you need it.”

Luke — “Talk with them about it and try to correct the situation, if you already tried or it’s too much then break up! You’re worth more than you know so don’t waste time with someone who doesn’t value you.”

Mephistopheles — “Pay someone to deal with them. If you’re worried about jail just pay off the cops, easy”

Barbatos — “Get them drunk and conveniently make your way towards any staircase you can find.”

Diavolo — “Easy. Summon a demon, just don’t trade your soul, trade theirs. Now you’re done with your problem and you get a nice deal.”

[do2faj]

You've been playin' around with magic that is black.

[jieloksworld]

WAIT

HOLY SHIT SATAN?

REAL ASS SATAN

pls let them be Satan itd be so fucking cool

[jinxed-sinner]

IM SCREAMING LMAO

[lostinvasileios]

Spending time with Lucifer is so amazing guys, he's so nice and loving and funny and he always listens and has the most beautiful eyes and the best sense of fashion and the most wonderful hair and such a soothing voice and is so intelligent and always smells so nice and

[nocreativityfornames]

There's no way this is ACTUALLY supposed to be Beel

They must've put Satan's pic instead of his by accident, because WHAT

[maya-tl]

Medic's doves: if anyone but Medic steps foot in this infirmary we will claw their eyes out and feast on their insides

Spy: *walks in*

Medic's doves: ok we will make an exception because he looks very polite

[shinesurge]

are people like Aware that christianity considers basically all forms of fantasy to be inherently evil, is that common knowledge or is that more lore i am only privy to because of the pentecostal cult shit lmao

edit because i love kicking beehives and I do not want any misunderstandings of my position going on here: "lore i am only privy to" doesn't mean the lore doesn't exist for every kind of christian, we're all reading the same book aren't we. the pentecostal flavor of christianity being more obviously a textbook cult does not mean the more lukewarm versions of this belief system aren't also inherently damaging to the human psyche, mine was just more up front about it lol