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sakarrie-creates · 2 years ago

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2022 Fic Round-Up/Reflection

Am I over a month late? Yes. Is that going to stop me? Nnnnnnope.

Another year gone and another end of year summary! Yeash, it’s been a rough creative year haha. I’ve practically done nothing but school and work, which has certainly been problematic for writing. It’s been a productive adulting year though, so hopefully this dead period will help me find more opportunities down the line. My gosh I’m ready to be done with school already.

Since I’ve really not written much this year, this will be an abridged version of my reflection from last year’s template. That being said, I’m still very rambly so you can see the details below the cut!

2022 Stats:

Fics Started: 11 Fics Fully Written: 3 Fics Posted: 2 New WIPs: 7 Total WIPs: 20 (ish?) Words Written: 25,950 (33,176 if including documents of pure brainstorm ramble lol) Words Posted: 9,541 Fandoms Written For: 2 Events: 2 (+1)

Posted Fics

Carmen Sandiego (Gen): 1

So Long As You're With Me (7,804): It's been several months since Team Red rescued Player from the clutches of VILE and snapped him out of their control... mostly. His base personality is back, but he still doesn't remember them from anything other than the false memories VILE created for him. And it's just their luck that VILE painted Carmen and company in such a way that Player thinks that their attempts to help him is all some elaborate form for torture, and it doesn't help that he's currently recovering from an injury she caused. Carmen is near her wit's end, but she refuses to give up on her oldest and best friend.

Supernatural (Gen): 1

Still the Same (1,737): After a hunt, Sam and Dean watch the stars for the first time since Dean came back from Hell. Things are finally starting to fall back into place between them, but it's impossible to ignore the ways things have changed.

Specifics:

Events Participated In:

SPN Summergen, Player Appreciation Week (Fic and Art), Code Secret Santa (Art), Miraculous Magic Zine (Revamp Fic), and Fandom Trumps Hate (Offered Art/Fic).

General questions:

Looking back, did you write more fics than you thought you would this year, less than you thought, or about what you predicted?

Oof, hard to answer. Definitely less than I’d hoped and maybe still a fair bit less than I expected, but I did know that my life was about to get swallowed by school and I wasn’t wrong. I definitely wish I had been able to participate in more events for sure and I’ve had a lot of inspiration for all sorts of stuff that I just haven’t had the brain power for unfortunately. What pairing/genre/fandom did you write that you would never have predicted last year?

I mean, looking at posting, I only have two options lol. In general though, I stuck fairly close to my norm for all that. I poked around time travel AUs which was fun but most of that was brainstorming/animatic storyboarding rather than writing.

What’s your favorite story this year? Not the most popular, but the one that makes you the happiest.

Definitely So Long As You're With Me! That AU lives in my head rent free and boy howdy I’d love to share it all one day but there’s just so much to it. I swear, the pieces I have shared are hardly recognisable as the same story haha. Anyway, it’s definitely a little rushed at some points, but it was a very crammed piece that just kept getting longer, so I’ll take it!

Okay, NOW your most popular story.

Since I’ve only posted two new works this year, we’re going to go overall. Which would definitely still be Fragmentation. It’s got 20.3k views!! That’s only 400 less than it’s total word count and it seems like the hit count keeps going up slowly, which is wild to consider it’s on FF.net in a faded fandom and has been complete for like a year. Next up would be The Problem With Good Intentions at 11k, which also blows me away a bit cause Merlin ended a decade ago but I’m proud of the fandom for staying alive! XD

Story most underappreciated by the universe?

Probably still A Letter to Never Be Read on FF.net. It’s a pretty niche fic, so I can’t really be surprised but I felt artsy writing it way back when lol.

Most overdue story?

Welp, It’s Only Natural is certainly overdue, but I don’t think anyone is really following that one so it’s not in a rush. A Long Ways Home on the other hand drives me crazy cause I’ve actually been wanting to write for it, but brainpower’s been too low from school. Can’t believe it’s been a year. :’(

Did you take any writing risks this year? What did you learn from them?

Tbh, not really? I pushed myself in what I did, but it was all relatively in my comfort zone. I guess I tried writing in S4 of Supernatural in Still the Same, but that doesn’t feel much like a risk. I also tried out some writing from screenshot prompts which was super fun and interesting, but unfortunately that was sniped by lack of time/energy too. So I guess not really this year.

How’d this year compare to your goals of last year?

Oh boy, I’m so intimidated to read these paragraphs haha. I bet I did like none of them. We’ll start with the bullet list though since that should be fairly straightforward. -Unfortunately, prioritizing school is honestly my biggest writing goal this year. So if I do that all successfully and get through any more than like, 1-2 of these, it will be a success haha.

-A Long Ways Home (Gonna break it up into Chapter 3, Chapter 4, and if that’s not the epilogue, then an epilogue. I’m determined and really think it’s doable, I just need to be careful not to overestimate again) WIP Bang if not done by Summer. -SPN Summergen -PAB if enough interest -February week event -Loyalties AU Plotting/Drafting -SQZ Zines -Comments

If crazy inspired year: -Gencest Bang -WIP Bang with It’s Only Natural -Post More CS One-shots -Other Zines

Okay, so some of those crossings are a little generous, but I wanted to at least check off the school one haha. Tbh, though, it wasn’t as bad as I expected! I did a decent job of having low expectations lol.

What are your fic writing goals for next year?

Oh boy. See I wish that this last year being so sad would mean this year would be back to creative rush, but I’m already a month in and I haven’t even tried writing anything other than school papers. I’ve been getting surprisingly into Huntlow (omg, Sakarrie having a romantic ship that she’s like legit into????? whacK), so it’d be fun to experiment with some fic there! Willow needs more angst fic to balance out our traumatized golden boi. Trying to find some zines would also be fun! And I’ll be sad if I ever have to miss Summergen cause it’s 100% my favorite event of the year. Oh, and of course I’m hoping to be able to participate more in Player Appreciation Week this coming month!! Shameless plug.

I’d also like to make some progress on A Long Ways Home, so hopefully in my Summer break I’ll finally have a chance to sit down and write. I’m not going to be dumb enough to put time frame estimations on it again though haha. I also am not a huge fan of having WIPs just sitting out there so if I could knock off It’s Only Natural sometime, that’d be great, but it’s honestly not a priority and I haven’t been feeling Voltron for a bit.

As for other plans, Loyalties AU and EverYOnE is bROkeN AU both haunt me at night and then there’s the time travel au that just has my brain zooming whenever I think about it. They just all get so intense and I WANT to share that intensity cause I know they could be epic, but first I gotta finalize the details, then I gotta have the skills to pull it off, then I gotta actually write sooooooooooooo we’ll see where those get me.

Okay so comments. Bah that project is such a mindset monster haha. I want to be supportive and express thanks to those who write and comment, but also the more pressure I put on it, the harder it gets. I feel like it makes reading new fics very intimidating and makes leaving chill comments harder. I think it would be nice to get through, but I think my goal for this year is to let my 1000 tabs go and just comment/respond in the moment whenever I can and not overthink it. I do want to catch up on replies though so that can be my comment goal for this year. In terms of my numbers, though, I did meet my generous goal of 20k written and 10k posted this year! (Rounding a little but close enough.) And I met my ultimate wc goal if brainstorming essays count!

Bullet list time!

2023:

-Unfortunately, keeping my scholarship has to be my biggest goal this year again so gonna put that here in case it's the only thing I can check off come December. -A Long Ways Home (at least 1 new chapter) -SPN Summergen -At least 3/7 Player Appreciation Week days -Catch up on comment replies -At least do some more brainstorming for bigger CS aus -Huntlow/Owl House fics? -One zine?

If crazy inspired year: -All of A Long Ways Home -All Player Appreciation Week Days -WIP Bang with It’s Only Natural -Post More CS One-shots -Write out more big AU scenes -Other Zines

So with that, I’m gonna set my word count bar pretty low again haha. In fact, I think I’ll just leave it as it was last year.

Easy Goal Word Count Goal: 20k (at least 10k posted)

Stretch Goal (aka, if I don’t die from school): 40k (at least 25k posted)

Ultimate 2023 Word Count Goal: 30k

#sakarrie's fic #carmen sandiego #supernatural #gen #ao3 #fic list #2022 fics #end of year reflection #2022 fic roundup

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maxthornes · 5 months ago

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I'm angry and ranting about my (hopefully) soon to not be roommate of a cousin in here. Don't read if you don't want to be mad.

I'm so fucking tired of my roommate being so inconsiderate. It's only gotten worse since she got a boyfriend.

We have 1 AC unit, and she has it in her room with the door constantly closed, TV blaring at any given hour.

She knows weed gives me panic attacks, but is still blasting the whole house with smoke every day.

She goes to the food pantry with the car she's borrowing from a friend, while DoorDash ordering name brand stuff from Target while crying woe about money and how she HAS to go to the pantry, meanwhile stealing mine and my fiancé's food we have to beg to use the car to pick up. (Which is a """"secret"""" to her friend that her bf and I have been driving it, even though said boyfriend has a car, and they always seem to take the friend's car RIGHT AFTER my fiancé and I have put gas into it)

Even though I'm queer and so is my mother, the bitch still LOVES Chick-fil-A and is constantly trying to get me to try it, and talking about how much she LOVED working there (even though she was quietly fired for celebrating my mom's wedding to her wife)

I constantly have to watch out for her dog and cats so they don't piss and shit over everything I own, and SPEAKING of the animals, I can't remember the last time she bought litter or cat food, nor the last time she cleaned a litter box (the cats are no longer ALLOWED upstairs by her order, and the litter box that WAS in the laundry room up here has no litter in it, but sure has piss and shit in it 😒) there are several cats in this house, more than half of which are hers, but she doesn't care for them.

She BROKE my toilet and shower head, but swears up and down that she doesn't know what happened, melted all of my makeup, lets her food rot in the fridge before bemoaning how she has "nothing" while the only reason my fiancé and I have had ANYTHING TO START WITH is that he works for a decent grocery chain.

Oh!

And she has been on "leave" with her job for 8 months, 6 of which were unpaid leave, because she lied to her job about taking care of her actually disabled father, and they only allow so much time of that to be paid. She recently started working again, and she's EVEN WORSE NOW and practically flaunting the fact that she has money back in our faces.

She fucked off to her boyfriend's house 2 hours away leaving us with no transportation during INSANE rain storms WITH NO WATER AND ALL OF THE ANIMALS TO TAKE CARE OF, and when she was like "oh, my dad should have covered that, oopsies" and admitted he had no money for the OVER $400 BILL, I went into debt to my mother to get the bill paid, and it's a MIRACLE she had the money to pay it. The water went unpaid the entirety of the first 3 months we lived her.

She also RECENTLY shoved a $150 internet bill AND $200 backed electricity bill onto my fiancé because she "didn't have money".

She's loud, inconsiderate, a liar, a thief, and I CANNOT WAIT to get the fuck out of here.

Fiancé and I lost our car in an accident I was involved in a year and a half ago, and it left me with an essentially disabled spine, so I LEGITIMATELY haven't been able to work, but I also can't get assistance because I'm waiting on the lawsuit to finalize (I'm not at fault, it was an international company's employee who caused the crash, and I've got a decent enough lawyer that I can get back into physical therapy AND get a car from the settlement, hopefully) and I have been advised by my attorney to not seek disability until after the payment, otherwise it could cause issues with getting government assistance, which I qualify for.

Anyway, hopefully in a month I'm across town, and she realizes she's on her own with ALL of the bills and the mortgage she was confident she could take over from her dad 😒😒😒 I'm so fucking done, and this isn't even scratching the surface of all the shit, and I WILL NOT be forgiving her for scamming my fiancé and I for the last two and a half fucking years.

I hope they serve Starbucks in Hell, you absolutely cunt.

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jodilin65 · 32 years ago

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WEDNESDAY, APRIL 29, 1992 I am watching A Current Affair and next is Hard Copy. Then at 8:00, I’ll record Unsolved Mysteries while I watch a movie called They Live. I’ll be pissed if Unsolved Mysteries is a repeat, but I know it will be. I swear they only make 10-15 shows of each series these days, then keep repeating them. So far, America’s Most Wanted, Top Cops, Cops and Rescue 911 have been good. They’ve occasionally aired stories I’ve seen on Unsolved Mysteries. I miss Reasonable Doubts and it’s a bummer they canceled it. If I could bring back 3 shows besides that, they’d be Twin Peaks with Sheryl Lee as a blond and not with that tacky black wig. Also, Charlie’s Angels and the Bionic Woman.

Monday evening while I was watching a movie, Ann Marie left a message on my machine. She said she got a second job at another grocery store doing the same thing she does at the other store. Meat wrapping. She said she’d like to come see me but is too busy. She’d call me Tuesday on her day off. Well, she never did. I have no idea what’s going on in her life but perhaps I should be careful and just wait. Like I said, if Ann Marie never returned after our first encounter all would be well. But I’d really like to hang onto her and get together once or twice a month. Or every other month. It’ll take another 5-10 years to find another feminine girl who’s attractive and as nice. Plus, she is a good person who thinks a lot like me and I’d never have reason to feel threatened by her. With her wanting anything serious, I mean. Not even if we were neighbors. She’s far from a Brenda S character.

Perhaps if I don’t see her by July or so, I’ll put out a personal ad.

I haven’t seen Jessie. She’s no doubt very busy with all that’s been going on. I really doubt she wants to ever see me here. To talk on the phone, yes, but I haven’t seen her in over a year. Seems to me if you really miss your friend and want to see them, you’ll do something about it. Current Location: Connecticut

SATURDAY, APRIL 25, 1992 Soon I’m going to bed, so I’ll quickly fill in on other stuff so I’m all caught up. Laurie did return my money as I knew she would. I got Fran’s new phone number. I’ve written several letters and looked at a 4-room apartment today. What is it with the bathrooms in this city? You can’t get both a tub and a shower. It’s either one or the other. It was in an old 3-story house. The living room and one of the bedroom’s huge so it compensates well. In the bathroom, there’s only a toilet and a shower stall which means I’d have to brush my teeth in the kitchen sink. This guy also owns a Laundromat and says he has a nicer and bigger place over the Laundromat but he can’t show it to me till May 11th. This one only has a tub. I’ll wait to see it as well as check out other places. The area was definitely quieter. Both places are $400 with no utilities included.

Later…

I came over to Tammy’s at 3:00 this afternoon. I did two loads of laundry. Tammy and Bill are now at a party. I showed Tammy this makeup kit I got through the mail under a bogus name. She did her hair and her makeup, and when Bill came in he gave me a kiss and took a shower.

Bill had a look in his eyes as if to say, “I love you. Let’s not fight,” which was cool.

Tammy made the girls and me fried chicken and French fries. After they left, the girls and I had a water gun fight and we cleaned their rooms. We had ice cream too, and now we’re watching TV.

FRIDAY, APRIL 24, 1992 Several things have happened since I last wrote and one of them wasn’t so funny. I’ll update all the little stuff first. Laurie’s definitely straight and hung up on her boyfriend.

Lyle moved and stood me up tonight and two nights ago about taking me to practice and a gig. Last Monday night, Lyle and his kids and I went to one other band member’s house. The bass player. I also met the drummer and the other guitarist. They were all nice and the rehearsal went well. I was ticked off about being stood up with Wednesday’s rehearsals. I gave up going to the Sheridan that night to end up doing nothing. That night at the Sheridan there was supposed to be the same modeling and search seminar that Kim and I were going to go to in Springfield till her car got rammed. It ain’t meant to be. Now I know that for sure. Plus, a business like that is a sure way to meet all kinds of rapists and perverts. Even more so than music.

Next time I speak to Rick, I’m gonna demand some facts. Will he transport me instead of Lyle? Is he serious? Does he really want me in his band? Did he speak to Mitch from the country & western band? In plain simple English, I wanna know what’s going on. Over and over he complimented me on my singing, guitar playing and even the keyboards. So what’s wrong? I’ve never stood them up or said or done anything I shouldn’t have. Why do they always back out? Is this my compensation for being hired twice in only 5 auditions total? When will I ever get someone who’s serious?

I just saw a show with people like me who have premonitions, visions and have made predictions. But if it’s so meant to be, as I’ve always felt, when is serious shit gonna start happening? I’m reluctant to mention this to Tammy and Bill cuz they’re only gonna twist shit around or pin the blame on me. They put words in my mouth while they insist they’re not calling me a liar. A major example is last Easter Sunday. On Easter, Bill’s sister and niece were over for a big dinner. That was the day I woke up at 10 AM with a bad attack after only 4 hours of sleep. The previous 4 or 5 days I’d only slept a few hours also. I was unable to sleep at night and was always being woken up by next door. And believe it or not, I was in the living room asleep with the earplug in. I knew I couldn’t control the attack and called 911.

Barbara came over and I rambled on about how hard the complications were to deal with at times. She told the EMTs we’re on two different schedules. Suddenly I became worried about how to get back home. I knew there were no buses and that Tammy was tied up. Tammy has had and is having her share of physical and mental anguish. I did not want her or anyone else to know my business and there was nothing she could do. Especially when Barbara came out and said she’d bring me home. I had no idea after they took me away and she locked up that she was gonna call Tammy, but she did.

After I was treated and released, there was a message that Tammy had called the hospital and for me to call her. Although she encourages me saying that if anyone could work things out it was me, she’s siding with Barbara, saying I let myself get stressed out and I should’ve stayed home. First of all, this situation is no one’s fault, although it has been quieter next door and easier to sleep. I also don’t “let” myself get all stressed out and in this situation, it’s pretty hard to avoid it. Lastly, you know when you can’t control an attack and need oxygen and an updraft. There’s no guessing and assuming you can control it at home. I’ve had enough experience with this to know. The EMTs said the same thing. That was really low of her about the stress, partly after her saying she herself had to go to the ER due to Ma’s shit when Ma was there last summer. Ma’s a bitch, but I’d rather one day with her than to live here and deal with this place on a daily basis. I never once came out and blamed her for bringing on her own stress and saying I don’t feel sorry for her, she asked for it, etc.

She asked me why I call Barbara up and cuss her out which is BS, and Barbara can tell her so like she told me she would.

That’s what pissed me off about Tammy. Now here’s what pissed me off about Bill.

Tammy and Barbara misunderstood each other about who’d be picking me up. Eventually, Bill did and Tammy was upset about that which wasn’t my fault. When Bill picked me up I asked him to stop at a gas station. The drugstores and everything else were closed. I told him I had to get a few things. He said cigarettes were what I wanted and I said yes, that was one of the things. I said loud and clear, cigarettes, candy and pads. He said they don’t sell pads there. I said they did cuz I’d seen them before in there. However, they were out of stock with them so I got some cigarettes and a candy bar. When I got in the van, he said, “Don’t fuck with me. I know you got cigarettes.”

I said, “Yes I did and I told you on the way here that I was getting them.” I also told him he’s not my daddy and I’m not a child and I had no reason to lie or feel intimidated by him or anyone else.

Tammy said Bill said I never left the counter. I didn’t need to as the place is so small. You can see everything from the counter. She said, “No one’s calling you a liar, but my husband wouldn’t lie.”

I said, “You guys are my sister and brother-in-law. Not my parents and your husband IS a liar.”

She hung up on me and called back the next day as if nothing ever happened.

SUNDAY, APRIL 12, 1992 Earlier, I spoke with Laurie. I even lent her $10 which is something I never do, but thanks to my sixth sense, I know she’s good for the money. In return, Laurie did me a big favor. She has a washing machine and she let me do two loads.

Last night I spoke to Lyle over at his place. I played him some edits. He still really wants to move as well as Laurie and I do and he hates some of the people here. They gossip, but that’s life no matter where you live.

I hung my clothes all over the place to dry, and Tammy said I can do any laundry at her place Wednesday. She needs to go to the fire department for a blood drive they’re having, so I’ll be babysitting while she’s gone.

We had a few days of fairly nice weather where it was around 60º. Now we’re having a chilly spell again. I really wish more than ever that it’d warm up. I can’t wait to see Andy and go to the beach.

Tomorrow I should be getting a call from a woman named Laurie about an apartment. She’s currently trying to evict the guy living there now due to him not paying rent.

Gee, all the Lauries I’ve been meeting lately!

I went to the state welfare people and I’ll be going back soon for a photo ID for food stamps. They’re only $15 here, but if I get this apartment they’ll go up as the rent’s $425. I will also get the cash assistance I can’t get here. I wanna hurry up and beat the summer as far as moving. It’s a war zone outside in the freezing cold winter until 7 PM, so one can only imagine the summertime when the kids are out of school. Also, cuz of next door’s noise. These walls are so thin that we may as well all live in the same apartment. I hate this apartment with a passion!

Later…

I just got off the phone with Kim who sounds like she’s in a great mood. We went on and on with our lines and stuff like that. She says she’ll write another letter as well as come see me. She said she thought about just showing up here and surprising me. Soon her orientation will be over, so she’s gonna come see me then. Maybe within a month. I wasn’t about to say hello to Mark as he’s at work, but we had a good talk anyway. I really do miss Kim and I sure as hell miss my apartment.

I have tons of letters to write but I’m not gonna start them tonight.

Andy had called Laurie H for 5 minutes about a bogus 963 form. A scene of an accident, supposedly. I wanted to get her taped to be edited. I played Kim part of that. I edited Laurie but I have much more to do as far as other stuff. I edited the CP lady from a few recent calls with her and Fran.

I guess I have rehearsals tomorrow night at Rick’s house. Lyle will have to let me know.

I hope that girl Laurie calls with some good news on the apartment. I have no good vibe but I also have no bad vibe. I must begin getting boxes and prepare myself for if I have to move fast in order to get a place they can only hold for so long.

Not much else has been happening. Last Friday, Tammy, Becky and Sarah were here. Only for a few seconds as Tammy needed to go shopping. She took me and my guitar with her and I played it with the girls while she was in the store.

As for Laurie, I highly doubt anything will happen. Sexually, I mean. I think she’s straight.

I never heard from Ann Marie, but I left her a message on her machine a little while ago.

Why do the people next door need to bang so much? Even at this hour with their kids asleep, 30 seconds don’t pass without a slam, bang or chairs and tables sliding.

I have two shrubs right outside my front door and having 20 kids in them screaming at the top of their lungs was no joy ride. I told them they can play all they want, but not directly under my windows and on my doorstep. With the way they’re always playing and throwing balls, I’m amazed they haven’t smashed a window yet. Not just mine, but anybody’s.

WEDNESDAY, APRIL 8, 1992 I tried to sleep but as usual, I can’t. I feel really shitty and can’t wait to see a doctor as much as I hate seeing them and antibiotics. I also need to do a hell of a cleaning job in here.

Damn! Do I need to quit smoking or what? I guess at this point if being able to breathe means always dying for a cigarette and gaining 20-30 pounds then that’s what I’ll need to do.

If Andy doesn’t call by 1:15 then I’m gonna go to bed and I’ll just lay there even if I can’t sleep.

Last night I had a nice talk with Jessie. She called and we spoke for over an hour. She’s very upset with her father and several other people in her family. Her grandfather also died and she fears her grandmother may go any minute too, due to having cancer and other problems.

God, do I ever feel like shit now. My chest is so tight and I’m so tired. I definitely cannot sleep well here. Who could? In MA my schedule was weirder but at least I slept. I seldom lacked sleep like this. The more you lack, the harder it is to catch up. Sounds funny, but it is true.

I hope Lyle has no problem with bringing me to the ER tomorrow. He said he would and he seems pretty reliable. He said he’d knock on my door. Believe it or not, I do have some good news as I mentioned before. Practice was canceled last Monday night as there was a problem with other band members. What, I don’t know. It worked out for the better as Rick was over here that evening. Even he said he was glad it turned out that way as he had no idea about my guitar and keyboard playing. The sooner the better he said so he could alter the sets, songs and work these things in. Since there are 4 of us in the band, he may have me play either guitar or keyboards every now and then as we may have to drop to only 3 of us at times. One of the guys in the band can’t always get out of work, so that’s when I’d fill in. He was so impressed with my guitar and keyboard playing that I was a little shocked. He said, “You’re way beyond basic chords only and you made it sound like you knew very little.” He really really was like, wow! I told him that was flattering and he said, “It’s not flattering. It’s telling it like it is.” So that’s cool and I spoke to dad on his birthday and I’ll write a letter with more details when things get going. Rick said that now that he’s heard me play, he’s gonna change stuff around but that it was worth it.

As far as Laurie goes, I highly doubt she’s ever into women. If so, not me as she’s made no real attempts to talk to me much. Then again, she no doubt assumes I’m straight and doesn’t know me from a can of paint as Tracy used to say. Usually, if you know someone’s gay or not and you like them, you at least try to talk to them, get to know them and find out what you can. This doesn’t change the fact that she’s attractive but I feel she may be one of those who tries to mold a person into what she’d like them to be.

Well, Andy’s late on calling me as he usually is so I’m gonna go to sleep.

Later…

Yes, of course, I’m still up. I took an extra half Theo pill so I do feel better. Less tight. I knew Andy wouldn’t call. Think I’ll go listen to music now.

Later…

I am outside sitting on my back steps as I write this. It’s a beautiful day. More summery rather than spring. After winter there’s hardly any spring before it goes right into summer. Shadow’s taking a nap in a pile of leaves. Jenny, Layne and her sister Jessica are playing jump rope. One of Barb’s sons and his friend are now joining in the game along with playing with their basketball.

I chatted with Barb and Dave and Dave’s gonna look around for a used washer for me. I hope I move soon, though. Barb and Dave and their kids know I like them and I know they like me, but living in a building like this sucks.

On my way back from paying the rent, earlier, I ended up speaking to some guys who asked about the band. They’re friends of Lyle’s.

Also, a black woman (I think her name’s Ronda) and I chatted for a while. I met her son who also knows Lyle and Barbara.

Right after I last wrote and began listening to music, Andy did call. He wanted to wait till after 11:00 his time for the cheaper rates now that he’s 3 hours behind again.

I feel better today but I’m still pretty gunked up with congestion. I’m not sure if I’m going to the ER later. We’ll see what’s up with Lyle. I dusted and vacuumed today, had all the windows open so that should help. Cuz this place is on the ground and is so small, just opening my back and front doors airs the place out well.

I got another letter from Bob which is typical Bob. The man is only happy like twice a year. Both his childhood and his adult life are a million times worse than mine. Knowing how mine was tells me something…that his sucked.

Later…

I am now on the phone with Andy and Fran. They’ve spoken to the CC and with Melissa who was boring, though. Andy’s doing his cactus and palm tree problem. I’m his crazy little sister and Fran’s the crazy visitor from next door. They just hung up but Fran called both me and Andy and we were on the phone for an hour and a half.

I went to the ER and was amazed at how quickly I was in and out of there. Lyle took me, along with his son and daughter Naomi and Kevin. Lyle’s sister had a baby girl so he had wanted to see her, but it was too late. Lyle’s gonna go see her tomorrow when he gets home from work and I’ll be babysitting for the kids. At the ER I got Theo and Amoxicillin. I also got those Lactaid tablets which do help.

Tomorrow I have my appointment at the state welfare office.

I sure hope I get some sleep even if it is only a few hours as I got up at 1:00.

I went over to Barb and Dave’s today telling them they were gonna die laughing at my request, but they know it’ll work. I told them how most of the time I set my alarm, yet even wearing no earplugs I never can wake up to it, so can they wake me up? Therefore, before she leaves for work, she’s gonna bang on my bedroom wall which is her living room wall. Funny, huh?

I have more tapes to edit. I have tons and tons of editing to do.

Lyle says he may be getting a 3-bedroom house on a farm within a week. Either way, he says he’s moving whether or not he gets the house. I said I’d join him in apartment hunting as I’ve got to get the hell out too. The people I’ve met are nice but there’s so much I hate dealing with here. The walls are too thin. The outside is a zoo till 9 PM. This summer it will be a zoo from 8 AM-midnight once school’s out and the weather’s warm. Also, this apartment sucks. It’s way too small and I sure do miss showers as much as I also enjoy baths. I hope that by the time I’ve finished the next journal I’m out of this dive. Hopefully way before, but who really knows? I’ve got to start picking up newspapers and looking for a place that’s no more than $500 a month. Hopefully, a place on a bus line in a decent size place even if it’s not as big as the Woodside Terrace apartment. A fairly quiet place, too. It’s dead quiet here at night compared to Locust St., but the noise in the daytime more than makes up for it.

TUESDAY, APRIL 7, 1992 Just when I thought things couldn’t get any better. They sure started off shitty, though. After barely 3 hours of sleep and wearing my earplug, they fucking woke me up next door.

I called the state supplement people about moving into a private apartment here. Cuz my rent’s already subsidized, I won’t qualify for a cash supplement. I will get food stamps and medical, though. If I got a $400 apartment they’d give me a check for $200 on top of my $442 from SS and SSI. If I got a $500 place, I’d get a check for $300 besides my $442. Also, more food stamps. I was told I can begin looking for an apartment ASAP. Lyle will help along with others he knows. Dave says he can get a truck and will save boxes for me. I’ve got much more to write about as far as Rick and the band and also Jessie, but I want to see Geraldo first.

Andy is to be calling around 1:00 my time. Maybe around midnight. I’m so tired, though, and don’t know if I can stay awake. That’s lucky for me, though, as I really must catch up on my sleep. Plus, I need to be up early to go to the state disability and welfare office Thursday morning. I feel pretty shitty due to the drastic temperature changes. It’s gonna be warming up but that’s ok with me. As you know, 2-3 times a year I need antibiotics when my congestion builds up. It’s been not too cool for a while now and it’s probably infectious by now or well on its way. Tomorrow Lyle said he’d take me to the ER. That’s the only place I can go till I get my cards. Barbara took me to a walk-in clinic but they wouldn’t see me saying they have no federal funding. I at least got my meds refilled.

MONDAY, APRIL 6, 1992 Boy, do I have lots to write about! And good stuff, too! I got in a band!!!!!! So soon too, since I’ve only been here barely two months is amazing. Shockingly it was my first audition.

Early last Friday night, my sister gave me the best lecture ever telling me not to give up. Don’t back out. Gloria never backed out. Follow your dreams, conquer your fears and go out with Lyle to the bar and go for it. So Lyle, who’s not in the band, took me to a bar in Ledyard to meet his friend Rick. Rick’s the leader of the band and has been friends with Lyle for years. Lyle’s job is to help with the equipment and the sound system. It was a small bar, not sleazy and no one bothered me.

This isn’t the band Rick’s normally in and which I’d be in, hopefully. He was filling in for someone who was sick, I guess and was friends with the drummer, Carl. This particular band (I don’t know the name of it) was a country band. The one I’ll be in is geared more toward soft rock. A mix of various types of music but no hard rock or heavy metal. Thank God. Everything happened so fast that night. I was completely blown out of my mind and shocked. Too shocked to feel nervous or much of anything but I had a great time and was glad I went. As the story unfolds, you’ll see why all I kept saying to myself was - oh my God. I sat with Lyle as he operated the sound and controlled the equalizers and all that. He put headphones on me so I could hear what the people on stage could hear. It is very different from being in front of the amps. It was loud but I could bear it and I got used to it. I also handled requests. People would write the songs down they wanted to hear on a napkin, or whatever and I’d hand it to Rick and some other guy (I forgot his name) in between songs.

There were 4 people. Carl on drums and Rick, another guy, and an obvious lesbian named Wendy on guitars. They all took turns singing songs except for Carl. Rick was good and so was the guy whose name I forgot. He was an older guy with slacks, a dress shirt, and suit jacket. He sort of looked like a businessman. Wendy was having some sort of trouble with her voice but her base playing was fine. She was either timid or tired. Her voice was very soft and she kept going flat. Also, an older lady would get up on stage and sing every now and then. She was good. So, due to Rick being busy with the band, I figured we’d never have time to even talk much. However, I did end up singing. During intermission as they have 4 sets, I sang in the back corner of the stage. Some Linda Ronstadt songs. They turn the jukebox on during their breaks and he told me he was amazed at how I could sing a song on key while the jukebox played a totally different song. Then, he looked at me and said, “You have a hell of a voice. You’re in. I’ll talk to the other guys in the band.”

I couldn’t believe it! I was psyched! The name of the band is Power Glide and I have rehearsals at Rick’s house tomorrow night at 7:00. Of course, I’ll be going with Lyle.

I told Tammy, Mom and Dad, whose birthday was Sunday. He’s 61. I told Mom and Dad I’d write all the details in a letter to them.

How often and where I’ll sing, I don’t know yet. Or even about the money, but who cares? What really matters is I’m in the band!

Before I forget, Wendy, who did seem nice, asked for my number cuz she knows an all-female band. That’s nice. I’ve always thought about an all-female band. Maybe I’ll rotate from band to band like Rick does.

I called and told Andy, Bob, and Kim and left a message on Cassandra’s machine. Jessie called me last night and I spoke to her for an hour or so. I’ll have to call Ann Marie if I don’t hear from her soon. She said she’d call me about coming to see me on Tuesday.

It’s funny how it all started, and Laurie, who I met at Price Rite agreed. She said, “It’s neat how you tapped me on the shoulder and I knew a guy who knew a guy in a band.”

And all cuz Laurie was pretty. That’s why I first began chatting with her. If she wasn’t so pretty, I’d have never found out about all this. I wonder if she’s bi or has ever been with a woman or thought about it. Once I get to know her, Lyle and Rick, the subject will eventually come up. They all do seem quite open-minded and as if they have all types of friends. Just in case Laurie’s completely straight and so she doesn’t feel threatened, I’ll let her get to know me first. Plus, I like wondering and guessing. The chase is always more fun than the capture, but I sure would love to capture her for one night. I doubt I will, but who knows? My “feelings” tell me there’s a possibility. Also, due to certain things she’s said and certain ways she’s looked at me, it makes me wonder. I learned from Maliheh, though, not to assume and jump the gun.

Later…

Last Thursday night Fran and I were on the phone for 2 hours and 15 minutes. He called me, of course. Melissa, the CP lady was a great source of entertainment for a while. Therefore, I have more edits to make of her as I taped the entire conversation. Andy and I spoke on his night off and he spoke with Laurie H for a few minutes. All about how to fill out an accident form. She’s been edited.

That’s all the news I have for now. Tomorrow, I must go pay the rent which is now a flat $100. Also, to get refills on my Theo and Alupent.

They’re coming to spray here tomorrow and UPS should be delivering my microwave from mom and dad. With lots of popcorn, dad told me.

I hope I can get a fairly decent amount of sleep as I slept till 2:00 today. Really 3:00 as the clocks went up an hour. Now Andy’s 3 hours behind instead of 2. Their clocks stay the same all the time.

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talaxyan · 1 year ago

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hello from 2023

hiiiiiii

it's so funny to think that all the posts from this tumblr are all just for me in the future but I hope it's gonna be another good reflection to see what I was like in the past.

but let me give you a little update since the last time I was here ((THERE WERE A LOT!!!))

ok first of all. im unemployed now, I graduated college 4 months ago and still haven't been able to land a job- I'm on my last round of interview for this pharmaceuticals company tho and I REALLY HOPE I GET THE JOB BECAUSE IM DESPERATEEEE. if I don't get an offer soon my OPT might expires meaning it'll be harder for me to escape indo.

as much as i love being at home and spending most days with my nieces and having no worry at all, I miss doing something intelligent like doing all the academic weapon I was supposed to be doing. it was hard landing a job yall, I swear I've applied to at least 400+ job but still 0 offer. IM REALLY HOPING THIS PHARMA JOB WORKS OUT I REALLY WANNA GO BACKKKKKK I wanna live in city I can wander around please

anyway, on the fun part ((my nonexistant love life))

in 2022, i went for a semester abroad in LONDON AND IT WAS WILDDDDD like really good experience and I love london so much I wish to go back there again and visiting my london fam innit- it was surprising really good like i had a solid friendgroup in just a month of settling down (shout out to SHAIMA LOVE U SO MUCH GURL) i went travelling to edinburg and Stonehenge. it was a surreal experience.

oh and i was on dating apps while in London and I got the taste of love (a little bit). my first ever date was really good, i'd give it 7/10 I wasn't that attracted to this dude but he was smart and caring at least before he became annoying and called me a self-obsessed girl- like dude HOW CANT I BE OBSESSED OVER MYSELFF? anyway I didn't continue talking to him because I really thought I should give an ugly guy a chance just bc he seems nice personally but he really wasn't so I went to 7 more dates after that--- ND I GOT MY FIRST EVER KISS??? LIKE HELLO? this dude I kissed, we met on tinder and I went to his place the night I first saw him and I gave him a glockglock3000 it was crazy-- but after that night I learnt why people like dick- and he got a pretty one too and it tasted sweet?????? maybe from the lube he was using but we didn't do the full thing cuz I was kinda hesitant cuz I BARELY KNOW HIM OFC??? but yea I learnt some things but my experience with men in general wasn't really working out bc ALL I WANT IS LOVE and it seems like u cant really find that on dating app.

other than that, i cut off some people from my life. it was sad but I think its about time. this girl I really wanted to befriend with since freshman year, we ended became bestie and even lived together in the apartment, but I think it was really toxic tbh- it think the more I knew people, the more I feel like I withdrew myself form them.thats kinda scared me because I really wanted to accept people the way they are but it was really not good having her around- for some reason in social settings, everytime I spent time wth her, it just irritaes me more and that made me realize that friendship wasn't supposed to be like that, it shouldn't cost you your mental health to be living with your friend so yeah, after graduation, I never contacted her and she also never contact me either so it's mutual I think

my time at skidmore was overall fun, I went to typical college parties, got drunk and wasted but it was all really fun. i love my girl friends my bbygurl I love them so much and they made my time at skidmore 100000x so much better. i would be a lot more miserable if it wasn't because of them. there was rough patches along the way but we are good friends so I was able to let go everything and keep our friendship eventho now w graduated and harder to see each other but I really hope to meet them again<3 I love them thao kim connie rebecca and my isu babies<3

my plan now is hoping i land that job in Boston > lease an apartment > fly from jakarta and meet natan > relocate to Boston and get my stuff at Uhaul in Albany > starting working and getting the sense of really world > SAVE A LOT OF MONEY SO I CAN SPOIL MY LOVED ONES AND MYSELF

i think i can do it. delusion is the key and I quite frankly believe in myself. i really hope so I wish.

so yeah, thats mostly the update from me. hopefully in the next post I can give you a better news and more GOOD STORY FROM MY LOVE LIFE yea. ok goodbye for now and I see u later

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maniculum · 2 years ago

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The College of Grotesque Arts -- Week Five

First, my apologies for this being a day later than usual. Life’s been a mess the past week or two.

So maybe it’s my imagination, but I swear Appendix A decided to get weirder with Level Two than it did with Level One. (I do the base map for the level all in one go at the beginning of the month in order to deal with passages that cross pages.) This whole level is a couple notches up on the “labyrinthine” scale; Week Eight is particularly bad. Or maybe it’s just that I’ve gotten used to the maps from last month and so the new ones look weird. Let’s get started. Content below the cut.

Room 1: f.28v

Not a lot on here except floral borders and the like, so this room is another one with a soil floor, and is thickly planted with vines that climb up the wall and pillars on trellises.

Some of those vines bite. Honestly, I think that speaks for itself. Here’s some stats:

Biting Vine: CR 1; XP 400; N Medium Plant; Init -3; Senses Low-Light Vision; Perception +8

DEFENSE: AC 14, touch 7, flat-footed 14 (-3 Dex, +7 natural); hp 13 (2d8+4); Saves Fort +5, Ref -3, Will +1

OFFENSE: Speed 5 ft., climb 5 ft.; Melee bite +3 (1d6+2 plus poison); Space 5 ft.; Reach 10 ft.; Special Attacks Constrict, Poison

STATISTICS: Str 14, Dex 3, Con 14, Int 1, Wis 12, Cha 10; Base Atk +1; CMB +3; CMD 10; Feats Alertness; Skills Perception +8

SPECIAL ABILITIES:

Constrict (Ex): A Biting Vine can crush an opponent, dealing 1d6+2 bludgeoning damage, when it makes a successful grapple check (in addition to any other effects caused by a successful check, including additional damage).

Poison (Ex): A Biting Vine can poison those it attacks. A Biting Vine's bite attack will inflict a poison on its victims that has a fortitude save DC of 13, a frequency of 1/round for 6 rounds, causes 1d3 con damage, and takes two consecutive saves to cure.

Biting vines can’t actually move from where they’re rooted; the speed listed is how quickly they can uncoil from their spot and move their head towards their prey. They’re more of an environmental hazard than anything; if the PCs get too close, they strike.

In the middle of the room, there’s a 10-foot-deep pit for some reason. It’s covered over with vines, so it’s easy to miss. If PCs fall in, the biting vines will constrict around them, trapping them to be devoured.

Room 2: f.29r

Another high-ceilinged room filled with naddermice (Room 1.30). It’s cluttered with rotten wood, remnants of furniture that’s been damaged more by naddermice than time.

This one is also inhabited by a Naddermus Lord. Physical stats as Dire Bat, with the additions that it exhibits a level of mental control over smaller naddermice and is Part Plant. This is the adult form of a naddermus, which only a handful actually metamorphose into — they’re a bit like hive insects, really. Naddermice are produced by budding off of a Naddermus Lord.

In one of the piles of wood is a hidden magical item: the Phoenix Mirror. This is a polished brass mirror that, when you look into it, shows you what you would look like if you were a phoenix. Not an anthropomorphic phoenix, mind. Regular one. So unless you’re really good at telling individual birds apart, everyone kind of looks the same. It’s always quite hot to the touch; you could probably cook food on it. Carrying it gives you mild fire resistance.

Room 3: f.29v

This room is largely empty; its only notable feature is an extensive number of crude tally marks scratched into the wall.

Oh, and there’s also a lion wearing a crown. PCs might notice that the lion doesn’t act quite like a normal animal — this is Arnewic, a solo explorer who came down here several years ago. (Rogue, slightly higher level than the PCs.) He put on a crown that he found in the secret room off of Room 2.17, and it turned out to be cursed. He’s trapped as a lion until the crown can be removed — and it seems someone put a security enchantment on the crown itself that keeps it from being brought out of the dungeon, so as long as it’s stuck on his head, he’s stuck down here. He would love it if one or both of these enchantments could be removed (preferably both). It’s going to be difficult to communicate this to the PCs, as he can’t actually speak in lion form. Also, his mental health has suffered a lot as a result of being stuck like this for so long, which is going to be another communication barrier.

Room 4: f.30r

The door into this room is supposed to be operated by a lever on the wall nearby. However, the lever is broken, so the door has to be forced. There’s another lever inside the room; that one still works. The north portion of this room is occupied by a particularly deep artificial pond.

Within the pond are a few olfarae. An olfara is a bit like a hippocampus (the mythological kind) in concept, but with a worse execution. It’s an amphibious creature with the hooves of a camel, the ears of a rabbit, and a fan-like tail that appears to aid it in swimming despite the whole thing not seeming to make hydrodynamic sense. The front half is pink and the back half is blue. They were apparently meant to be a sort of steed or beast of burden, but the wizards hadn’t managed to get them big enough — a halfling could ride one, but not an adult human. They’re skittish and bad-tempered. May spit impressive gouts of water at you.

Olfara: CR 1, XP 400; N Medium Magical Beast; Init +0; Senses Low-Light Vision, Darkvision 60ft; Perception +0

DEFENSE: AC 12, touch 10, flat-footed 12 (+2 natural); hp 13 (2d10+2); Fort +4, Ref +3, Will +0

OFFENSE: Speed 40 ft., swim 40 ft.; Melee 2 hooves +4 (1d6+2); Ranged spit water (20ft) +2 (1d6+2)

STATISTICS: Str 14, Dex 10, Con 12, Int 2, Wis 10, Cha 10; Base Atk +2; CMB +4; CMD 14 (18 vs. trip); Feats Run; Skills Swim +7; Special Qualities Amphibious

Bam. Week Five. Level Two has begun.

#dungeon23 #college of grotesque arts #d&d #dnd #dungeons and dragons #pathfinder #medieval #medieval art #medieval creatures #manuscript #illuminated manuscript #marginalia

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rafescoke · 3 years ago

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Need To Know ; Rafe Cameron (Part 3)

masterlist

#Part 3

Previous parts: #Part 1, #Part 2

Pairing: Rafe Cameron x reader

Summary: The reader confronts Rafe about his past

Warnings: Mentions of suicide!, major feels, substance, swearing, angst

A/N: I’m sorry for what I’m about to put you guys through. Thank you for 400 followers ily <3

p.s, my request box is always open

“Hello?”

“Hey?”

(Y/N) stopped pacing, her heartbeat quickening. She glanced at her wall, searching for the time, and she felt her heart ripping in two.

12.03 a.m.

“Hello?” The feminine voice said again, annoyed.

“Who is this?” She whispered, and she didn’t know what she was expecting. A part of her was telling her to end the call for the sake of her mental health, and another part of her was telling her to stay and wait.

“Who is this? You called me,” the voice sighed, and (Y/N) could hear the distant laughter coming from the television in the background. “Look, is this a prank? I’m not going to-”

“Is Rafe there?” She mumbled, and she could feel her forehead starting to sweat. She looked down to her hands, noticing how they were in a fist involuntarily.

“Who is this?” The voice asked again, but her voice perked up. “Sarah?”

“Who is it?” A manly voice suddenly appeared in the distant and (Y/N) widened her eyes, her mind starting to connect the dots. (Y/N) listened as whoever it was struggled to hold the phone while Rafe pushed them off for it before his voice thrummed against her eardrums again. “Who is this?”

She didn’t say anything, but she could feel her tears slowly pooling on the bottoms of her eyes. How could he do this to her? It has been 2 weeks since they last talked to each other, and when she finally tried to make it right again, here he was; with his ex.

“End it,” Rafe said to the girl, and before (Y/N) could say anything she heard the dial sped up, noting the end of the phone call. She stayed in the standing position a few more minutes, her head starting to feel light and she could feel her bearings slowly disappearing.

She hadn’t been eating good since their last fight, and most of her friends were starting to worry for her. Topper and Kelce came to visit her earlier that day, bringing McDonald’s and her favourite chocolate, but all she did was giving them a weak smile and proceeded to eat only a few of the fries before offering them to her father.

And she thought Rafe would be worse since he was the one who’s in the wrong, but based on her latest call, it gave her a clear meaning of how he doesn’t care about them and fixing whatever they had left.

She laughed, letting her tears fell to her cheeks, getting so used to her sore eyes now that they were apart of her look now. Her mind didn’t stop thinking about Rafe and the possibilities of them being together again, and how she hoped against hope that it was all a bit misunderstanding, and that he was just there with his ex for. . .

She didn’t know. There was no good reason for someone to stay in the same room as their ex, good friends or not.

She didn’t fell asleep until 6 in the morning, and she was woken up by the soft rapping against her door by her mother, asking her to wake up to start her day. She opened her eyes for a while, trying to think about what happened previously, and when the thought of what happened a few hours ago occurred in her mind, she closed her eyes to sleep them off again.

“Hey.”

“Huh?” She groaned, trying to open her eyes against the bright sunlight coming from her once always-open window. “Tops? What are you doing here?”

“I came to check on you,” he said, and watched as she shifted into a seating position. She was a mess; her hair was no longer that shiny (H/C) colour, her eyes were puffy and sore and her cheeks were red and blotchy. She was the epitome of a heartbreak.

“And I’m right. You’re not doing good.”

“I’m tired,” she croaked, and she sighed. Good. Another part of her losing. From her bright face to her hair, now it was the voice.

“And that’s not good,” Topper groaned, standing up and offering his hand to her. “You’ve been like this for 2 weeks, (Y/N), and I’m not letting you go on with this until the summer ends.”

“I’ll kill myself by then,” she mumbled, still not budging from her seat. “You should leave. I don’t want you here.”

Topper stared at her, and retrieved his hands back. (Y/N) glanced up at the blonde boy and sighed, shaking her head.

“I’m sorry, Tops. I don’t mean it like that. I’m just not okay. Thanks for checking up on me,” she quickly said, offering her own hands at him. Topper took her hands in his, pulling her up to her feet and watching her scrunched up sheets, signalling how she had been spending most of her time in there.

“It’s okay,” he said, “But I can’t let you do this to yourself, okay? We miss the bright you.”

“Rafe doesn’t seem to miss me.”

“Fuck him, god,” He groaned, already pulling her to the bathroom. “Look, there’s a party tonight-” he watched her face changed, “Wait! And I don’t think Rafe’s going to be there. Just a small party, you’re going to be there with me and Kelce, and it’s just going to be perfect. You’re in?”

“I look horrible.”

“Nothing a shower can’t fix.”

She groaned, scrunching her face up. “Fine. Only tonight. And you’re staying with me.”

Topper smiled, pulling her into a side hug and letting go of her quickly, pretending to pull a disgusted face only for her to push him away. “Kidding. You still smell good even after not showering for 3 days.”

“I shower.”

“It’s okay to not shower,” he sighed, watching her enter the bathroom and quickly locking the door. He leaned against the door, putting his mouth near the slit so she could hear him. “But it’s not okay to lie.”

(Y/N) laughed genuinely for the first time in 2 weeks, her heart lifting and her skin slowly regaining its colour.

Maybe she does want her old life back, even if there’s no Rafe in it.

. . .

“The news got around fast,” (Y/N) mumbled, throwing her now-shampooed hair over her shoulder. She watched as Kelce laughed, and noticed another pair of eyes on her. She gave the owner a look, to which she quickly looked away, embarrassed to be caught.

“Obx is small,” Topper shrugged, handing her a the red cup filled with Pepsi (she had told him beforehand that she wants to stay sober) with a sly smile. “And you’re the kook’s princess. I’m not surprised.”

(Y/N) scrunched her face at the taste of the carbonated drink, and put the cup aside, putting her hands up to her friends as a ‘wait’ sign before making her way to the drinks counter for a better choice. Her eyes skimmed over the mineral water to the cocktail, and lastly; the shots.

“You’ve got to be kidding me.”

“What? You told me I should have fun,” (Y/N) giggled, placing three shot glass on the table and a big glass bottle of Absolute Vodka. “Come on. Tops, you said you missed the old me.”

He swallowed his saliva and sighed, “Fine. One shot only.”

“Fair,” she giggled, pouring the alcohol into each glass and watched as her friends prepared themselves. They downed the whole glass when the counting by Kelce reached ‘3’, scrunching up their faces and feeling their throats burning from the taste.

(Y/N) laughed, her mind woozy and her heartbeat quickening from the thrill of everything. “This is fun.”

Topper laughed along with her, watching the way she was tilting her head. “Yeah. But that’s enough.”

“You’re no fun,” she pouted, and before he could stop her she downed herself another glass and shook her head right after, feeling the liquid slowly making their way down to her empty stomach.

“That’s enough,” Topper repeated, grabbing the bottle in case she was in her rebellion state, but he felt bad when she sat by the sofa with her arms crossed, not looking at him and inconstantly tapping her feet lightly to the music.

“Try something lighter,” he offered, and watched as she kept ignoring him. “You’re impossible.”

“I just want to drink,” she rolled her eyes, still not looking at him. She thought about how drinking was the only way to forget about him because all she wanted was to stop thinking about that certain boy for just a few minutes.

“Okay. But be careful,” he said, handing her the glass bottle. (Y/N) exclaimed in happiness and he couldn’t help but smile at her, watching her drinking straight from the bottle.

“Okay, fuck, you’re a bitch,” he quickly pulled the bottle away when she went for another gulp, “You broke our promise. Now you’re going to be drunk.”

“I’m not drunk,” she groaned, “I’m hardly ever drunk.”

But she felt light. So, so light. She felt like floating around the room, laughing at every joke and fighting with anyone who disagrees with her.

“I know that look,” Topper grunted, and sighed. “Just don’t do anything stupid.”

“I’m not, I’m just going to go to the bathroom, okay?-” she made to stand up, holding her hand up, “And don’t follow me, Tops, that’s sexual harassment.”

Kelce laughed and Topper hit him, muttering angrily about how ‘I was just trying to look after he, man’. His eyes followed her movement to the door on the far left of the house and he sighed, thinking about how this wasn’t his plan to help her at all.

(Y/N) hummed to the song blaring from the speaker as she tried to find the bathroom, being shocked twice to strangers kissing in a small room when she opened the door. She sighed, because she couldn’t guess her bearings anymore; she felt as if she was going around in circles, and there was no exit.

“(Y/N)?”

Her eyes fell on a pair of blue eyes, and she felt her heart stopped.

Is she hallucinating?

“Hey, you’re okay?” He made to touch her, but she flinched and pulled away, her heart banging against her chest.

“No,” she said, trying to get past him only to stumble, feeling so lightheaded she couldn’t differentiate the colours of the wall and the floor. Rafe caught her arms, lifting her up and helping her to walk.

“Let go,” she said, but she leaned onto his warm touch. She felt like crying; she missed his scent; a mixture of cigarette and expensive cologne and his hands around her, and she felt like enclosing herself to him.

“I’m not letting you go, you’ll fall,” he said, still trying to help her walk. “Did you drink anything?”

“What’dya think?” She mumbled, closing her eyes and letting him helped her. She didn’t have the strength to open her eyes anymore, and she wasn’t sure if it was because of the drinks or the sadness in her.

Rafe placed the intoxicated girl on top of a bed in an extra guest bedroom, watching as her chest heaved up and down slowly. He was sure she was sleeping from the way she was breathing and tried to leave her be before she realised that it was him who brought her in, but her fingers were wrapped around his wrist before he could go.

He stared at her as she slowly opened her eyes, and Rafe felt all the hurt in his heart starting to form again. She looked angelic, all soft under his touch, and he had missed her more than anything else in the world.

“Don’t go,” she whispered. “I missed you.”

His breath hitched, because he knew he didn’t deserve her. She was this gold trophy everyone wanted, and it was like he couldn’t take care of it. He sniffed and looked away, not wanting to stare into her eyes again.

“What’s wrong?” She whispered, her voice creaking. “Do you not love me anymore?”

“You know that’s not true,” he forced himself to speak, sighing. “I’m sorry I hurt you.”

“It’s okay,” she smiled weakly, pulling him next to her again. “We can be together again, right? Like always? I need you here, Rafe.”

“You don’t mean that,” he whispered back, and watched as her face contorted into anger.

“What do you mean I don’t mean that?” She tried to sir up, holding her head. Rafe tried to help her down again to which she swatted his hands away, “Don’t fucking touch me. I swear to god.”

“You’re drunk,” he tried to console her, putting his hands up in a surrender mode and watched as she backed away from him. “And I get that. I’m sorry. I won’t talk to you again.”

“You can’t just sorry me, fuck, Rafe, you’re an asshole,” she laughed, pointing her fingers at him. “You can’t tell me you’re sorry when you’re back with your fucking ex.”

He raised his brows, looking up to her. “What are you saying? I’m not back. . . oh. Oh my god. No, no, it’s not-” he watched her face changing, “No, no, baby, it’s not what you think it is.”

“I heard her.”

“I was just there, to, um, to talk to her-” he stood up, trying to get closer to her. He wanted to hold her, letting her stare into his eyes and see how sincere he is. In truth, he had been over his ex’s house to talk about how they should both put the failed relationship behind them for the sake of their future lives, but when he went to the toilet, (Y/N) had called him unexpectedly and of course his ex would pick the call up.

She’s always in for drama.

“Talk? Or fuck?”

“God, (Y/N), I swear! I was just talking to her!” He groaned, pulling on his hair and making it more messier than before. “I wanted her to stop talking about me and I’m sorry she answered the call, okay? I was, I, I was in the bathroom.”

“You’re stuttering,” she spitted, anger coursing through her veins. If he thought she would believe his stupid lies again. . .

“I’m nervous, fuck!” He cursed, looking into her eyes to search for any ounce of love she had had for him before. “Please, listen to me, (Y/N), I love you too much to let this go. I can’t let you go. I can’t.”

They were both breathing heavily, coming down from the brief fight they had a few minutes ago. He watched as she scooted closer, cupping his face to look into her eyes again. He sniffed, and he felt his temperature warming up.

“I trusted you, Rafe.”

“You can trust me again, (Y/N), I’m not lying, I swear,” he begged, putting his hands above hers. She closed her eyes, letting the tears under her eyes fell down to her cheeks, and Rafe quickly wiped them away, his heart heavy.

“Please. One more chance. Please.”

“I don’t know-”

“Please. I can’t live without you. I’ve been living off coke and fucking mineral bottles and I just can’t bring myself to do anything without you by my side,” he confessed, his own eyes glassy. “Please. You know you’re all I have.”

(Y/N) swiped her thumb over his lips and watched as he cried. She pulled him into a hug, her own heart heavy from the only choices she had; to go back, or don’t.

“I will always love you, Rafe. You do know that, right?” She whispered into his ear, and he pulled her closer. “And we can always be (Y/N) and Rafe.”

“Yeah,” he laughed, pulling them apart and cupping her face using his large hands. They were both crying now, staring into each other’s life as if on life support. “We can still be them, baby, we can.”

“We can’t.”

His face contorted into confusion, “No, no, we can. I swear. I’ll change. I’ll do anything for you.”

“We can’t, Rafe,” she sighed, holding cupping his own face with her fingers again. “And you know it. We’re just not ready for it.”

“We can,” he begged, his own voice trailing. “We can, baby, we can.”

“I’m always here for you, Rafe,” she said, her voice breaking. “And we’re just not fit for each other.”

“We are,” he tried, but he knew that look. He knew that final look so well. His heart felt heavier than ever now, and all he could think about was running non-stop until he couldn’t breathe.

He wasn’t sure if he wanted to live anymore.

He pulled away, shielding himself from her using his back, wiping his tears and standing up from the bed. (Y/N) didn’t try to stop him now, watching him as he walked slowly towards the door.

He turned to look at her again for the last time, muttering a ‘I’m sorry’ before exiting the room. (Y/N) sighed, not wanting to walk out of the room, but she knew she had to get back to Topper before he finally realised her disappearance.

Her head felt better now, although she’ve just done the most hardest thing in her life. She knew their relationship wouldn’t be the same if she had accepted him back, already overseeing the amount of fights they’re going to have in the car, the screams they’ll give to each other. . . the best thing to do was to let him go.

Rafe didn’t think he was joking about wanting to end everything. He lost everything in his world; he lost his father who didn’t care about him, he lost his real mom, his relationship with his sisters and now, her.

He parked his car and stared at the blackness in front of him, his heart almost certain. He was scared, of course, but he didn’t want to think anymore.

The night breeze hit him as he made his way to the edge, hearing the sound of waves filling his eardrums. He took a look at the strong current below him and shuddered.

He thought about her again, his heartbeat beating faster. He saw her smile in his mind, her beautiful eyes and that calming voice.

He smiled, his cheeks wet from his tears, and did what he thought was right.

taglist is closed atm until i figure out wtf is going on with tumblr :(

@okayshoto @joselyn001 @onceuponateenagetrash @dyingsleeping @im19yearsold @iwannabeapogue @meaganjm @rafesobxs @flossy2929 @drewstarkeyluver @unfortunatekiwitrash @Mellifluouszayn @hhishho @hvrcruxes @scottybitch @asimpwriter @starxqt @amaya124 @Made212 @adriee16 @eggirl @tommy-tommo @thatshithurted8 @beyatch012 @fallincindy @marvelwhor3 @rafeswh0ree @kookap @supernaturallydc-blog @blank-velvet @alaniskauany @lumzs @kiiim8 @witchywrter @kaitlyn2907 @heyimflo @overcookedpastasauce @tsukkiswifeey @spidey-d00d @anonymousobxfan @gotmeinloveagain @chicagoblackhawkslover96 @lexi-writes @Emmalvei_03 @classydragonthingknight @belongtoyou-u

#rafe cameron #rafe cameron x reader #rafe cameronnimagines #rafe x reader #rafe cameron smuts #drew starkey #drew starkey x reader #outerbanks #outer banks #outerbanks imagines #outerbanks x reader

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compo67 · 3 years ago

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The Difference 8 Years Makes: Photo Op Chapter 1 Then and Now

I started writing Photo Op in October 2013, literally while I was at Chicon. (I took my netbook there like a nerd.) I was waiting for the J2 panel when the idea hit and wow, 300k later, this verse is massive.

I'm doing a reread so I can map things out for Photo Op 4. So then I can keep up with continuity. But I'm also editing a little (okay, maybe more than a little). I just want to show y'all the difference 8 years makes in writing.

Thank you all, for reading this verse, for every comment, for all the support throughout the years. I would not have grown as a writer without y'all. <3

Chapter 1: (from a 2014 copy, ~400 words)

He spent two weeks worrying.

Numerous books were shelved incorrectly because he kept rephrasing what he would say and how.

All of his coworkers knew he was doomed to be the guy who threw up all over themselves in the presence of a celebrity. What was worse was that he actually agreed with them; he packed two changes of clothes just in case.

One two hour train ride and three buses after and he was finally standing in front of the convention center.

It was far larger than City Hall and he was pretty sure he could fit five of any average home inside one corner of the center. Swept along with the crowds of people, he managed to make his way to the hotel that connected with the center, check-in, and find his room. He had arrived a day early just to be safe.

Presently, in the photo-op line, he is shaking.

Okay, so he makes eight dollars and fifty cents an hour working at Mayhue’s, but it’s enough to get by on for what he needs, and it is definitely paying for this photo-op.

When he sees the outfit Jensen is wearing, Jared stumbles over his own feet as the line inches forward. Good Lord, he thinks, chewing on his bottom lip, is this man even human?

Five people away he thinks his heart might be permanently damaged.

Four people away he starts rehearsing what he will say—in his mind, of course.

Three people away he can’t stop fidgeting.

Two people away he takes off his hoodie and wraps it around his waist. It’s hot in the tiny room and there are at least three hundred people in here.

One person away and he puts his on his hoodie again because dammit there must be a vent or something.

Stepping up towards Jensen, he doesn’t trip.

He just feels his smile widen to full capacity.

It happens so quickly that Jared can’t believe any of it when he’s outside, holding the printed out copy of his photo-op.

Tucking the photo away, as if it were the most sacred religious text, he double checks to make sure he has everything before taking a taxi to the nearest train. Sliding his hand in his left pocket—he swears he put three dollars before losing it a couple of days ago.

What he finds is definitely not a dollar.

It’s a simple business card that says J. Ackles on the front.

On the back is a handwritten phone number.

Jared misses his train ride home.

Chapter One (The Great 2022 Edit, ~1300 words)

For the past two weeks, Jared has worried about attending his first-ever fan convention.

He incorrectly shelved an indeterminate amount of books while working the aisles at Mayhue's Bookstore because of this convention. His body may have been at work, but his mind certainly wasn't. He kept rephrasing exactly what he would say during his photo op with the headlining celebrity, Jensen Ackles.

Every one of Jared's coworkers predicted he would lose his nerve by backing out or throwing up.

He still doesn't necessarily disagree with them, because anxiety got the best of him--he packed two changes of clothes just in case. Jared enjoys preparing for the worst... sometimes at the expense of enjoying the moment. But this is his (belated) high school graduation and eighteenth birthday present, so he's determined to take every possible precaution. He would have chartered a private jet from Smithville--the sleepiest town in Texas--to Dallas, except for the fact that he makes only slightly above minimum wage. In any case, he prefers the six hour ride on the Amtrak, as it provides him with ample people watching, time to read, and more legroom than the Greyhound option.

On the Texas Eagle, Jared reworks his planned remarks and finally lands on the perfect words to say as he steps up for his photo op. He writes them down, over and over, so as to commit them to memory. When the train arrives in Dallas, he follows his carefully planned travel itinerary and finds the right bus. The last leg of his journey, the bus takes fifteen minutes and deposits him smack dab in front of the convention center.

Slightly intimidating in its size--far larger than any public space he's ever been to--he came prepared to tackle the convention center and its throngs of people. He manages to make his way to the hotel, check in, and find his room without too much trouble. Thankfully, he arrives at the con a day before his photo op, and takes the opportunity to decompress from the trip, check in with his mother, text his friends, and shower. Time passes all too quickly, cooped up in his modest hotel room, where he fusses over the selection of clothes he packed until the last minute. His friends helped him put together the few outfits that fit in his carry-on bag. On Saturday morning, he wakes up early and sits through a few fan panels, then takes a stroll through merchandise alley. With a little bit of spending money his momma gave him before he left, he buys two prints and a t-shirt. Surrounded by the enthusiasm of thousands of people, Jared walks with a bounce in his step. He returns to his room with revitalized energy--and his ever-constant state of anxiety.

In the bathroom mirror, Jared attempts to look at himself in the most objective way possible. He's tall, that's for sure, and his momma figures he'll top out somewhere around six foot four. That's three inches to go. What will the world look like from that perspective? He makes a wish that as he grows taller, he'll fill out, because one of the most fitting words to describe himself is "lanky."

He runs a finger down his nose, then pokes the dimple that frames his mouth. Tiny moles dot his face, instead of the freckles he so desired in grade school. It seemed like all the cool kids had freckles. He rolls his eyes at his assessment of self, then hopes his chin-length, wavy-at-the-ends, cinnamon brown hair looks somewhat decent--not floppy or messy. It's fine. He is fine. Everything will be fine.

However, for all of his planning, worrying, and overthinking, he can't help sweating bullets as he joins the long, winding photo op line in the convention center's lower level. He joins the line just as it snakes past a pop-up bar, and helps a fellow convention attendee when she spills her drink and stains her carefully crafted cosplay. They each miss the moment when bodyguards in suits walk past, collectively forming a wall around Jensen and leading him to the photo op room. The entire line stays on its best behavior, but lets out a loud cheer.

Back in line, Jared rocks back and forth on his feet. He's here. This is it. In about thirty minutes, all of his hard work at the store will pay off. He doesn't make much at Mayhue's--it's just enough to help his momma with expenses--but he worked hard to save up and pay half of the cost for this experience. He understands the value of a dollar earned and the meaning of a dollar spent. It's how his momma raised him.

If only she had also taught him how to stay calm in front of the movie star, TV star, celebrity, model, breathtakingly handsome human being known as Jensen Ackles.

Don't throw up. Don't throw up.

The line inches forward at a steady pace and leads everyone into a large conference room. Handlers instruct people to please place any purses or backpacks on the large table in the middle of the room, then shout out further instructions. One or two people maximum per photograph, unless they purchased an additional ticket. No inappropriate or sexually suggestive poses, signs, or props. Keep the line moving.

Taller than most people, Jared gets an early glimpse of Jensen. Oh, fuck. He catches a glimpse of Jensen's outfit--black, fitted jeans and a lightweight sweater the color of smoke from a controlled fire. Perfect. Meanwhile, Jared stumbles over his own feet as the line inches forward. Good Lord, he thinks, chewing on his bottom lip, how is this man even human?

Five people away--Jared's heart thumps so hard against his chest that it might suffer permanent damage.

Four people away--he starts mentally rehearsing what he will say.

Three people away--he can’t stop fidgeting.

Two people away--he takes off his protective hoodie and wraps it around his waist. It’s hot in this tiny room and there are at least three hundred people crammed into the conference room for the same purpose.

One person away--he holds his hoodie close to his chest as a security blanket.

The handler who directs to move forward offers to hold his hoodie. Jared accepts and hands it over. This is it.

Jared steps towards Jensen, and he doesn’t trip. That's the first win. His smile widens to full capacity. That's the second win. Jensen slings his arm across Jared's shoulders, the flash goes off, and it's done. He did it. He made it all the way through without making a fool of himself or breaking down. That's the third and best win. He can hardly believe any of it when he’s outside the photo op room, holding his hoodie and a ticket with details on where to pick up the printed out copy of his photo-op in an hour.

That. Was. Amazing.

He pulls on his hoodie, and tucks the ticket--the most sacred item ever--into the front pouch. After a deep breath, he double checks he has everything before heading up to his room for the rest of the afternoon. He promised his mother he would not wander around Dallas after sunset. Even if he wanted to, he'd only be teasing himself in the process. He has enough money left to order room service for the night and that's it. He'll be back on the Texas Eagle tomorrow at seven in the morning. On his way back to his room, he checks the back pocket of his jeans to make sure he has a tip to give whoever delivers his food. What he finds is definitely not cash.

It’s a simple business card, J. Ackles printed on the front.

On the back, there's a neatly written phone number--Jensen Ackles' personal cell phone number.

Jared grapples with the thought that tomorrow, he may miss his train ride home.

#compo67 #authorial rambles #they met at the photo op booth #photo op verse #j2 #spn rps #jared/jensen

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dreamteamspace · 4 years ago

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We hit 400 so here’s a- ✨ DREAM APPRECIATION ESSAY ✨

(by Yours Truly. Much thanks to the one, innocent anon who just wanted to ask a small talk question but hit my serotonin-providing hyperfixation.)

1. Self-esteem

I love the way he’s confident in his abilities when it’s become such a “trend” to either be completely and utterly self-depricating about your own skills out of fear of being labelled an asshole or overconfident nowadays.

At the same time you can still tell he doesn’t want to pull anyone down ever, and will always be really careful with that and take every oppertunity to lift up the people around him. Dream has a very emotional voice that gives him away a lot, so you can really tell he genuinely admires the people around him and he’s never afraid to say that they could totally easily beat him in something if he doesn’t have practice with it.

He tends to be a bit too hard on himself, so his friends always encourage him in his abilities, and that’s just. So nice. He celebrates his victories! He gets so so excited and happy when he wins in the manhunts, and I think celebrating your hard-earned victories isn’t something that should be villanized.

He won, and we should KNOW by now that doesn’t mean he thinks he’s somehow better than everyone. He has a pretty good eye on his abilities, and that allows him to really use them to the max.

2. Morality

He isn’t afraid to change the game! His adhd picks out a Cool New Thing and he just goes, You know what? Why not! His adhd goes “do this thing repeatedly another 3847 times” and he’s like, yeah sure!

Nobody expected him to release a song, but he just went for it! He’s been speedrunning so much, but he isn’t afraid to stream it every day 5 days in a row for hours while his friends bicker in the background.

Dream genuinely does the things he finds fun, but at the same time puts in so much effort to make them good and entertaining to watch and never forgets about his viewers.

He’s kidfriendly because he wants to be! Fame-wise, at this point he could definitly swear more if he wanted to (and he does when in other people’s content who don’t care about swearing), but despite that he doesn’t swear on his main because he wants his content to be accessable for everyone.

Sure, on one hand it could be for clout/money, but consider: Dream doesn’t stream the DSMP because he doesn’t want to take attention away from other people. He participates in the videos of his friends. He lets compilation channels and the like do whatever they want and even monetize his content. He lets his friends stream Road Trip on twitch as much as they want for free.

Dream doesn’t not swear just for his fanbase, but he does it because he has so so much respect for people. No matter how high he goes, he’s always consciously focused on respecting and admiring the people around him.

He has genuine respect for creators so much smaller than him, and he has respect for people in his fanbase that are younger than him. He isn’t afraid to go against the norm and STAND for that, either (see the video where he defends his stans).

And he defends his friends so much too! So much so it could almost be a little bit of a flaw sometimes, but I feel like he truly wants to learn from his mistakes. He apologizes for things even when nobody asked him to, and that just shows that he does it out of genuine guilt and fear of hurting someone.

He’s always seemed like someone who is genuinely willing to change to be a better version of himself, who isn’t afraid to challenge what he thinks and what other people think and what the norm thinks in order to improve everything for everyone.

Dream also doesn’t let any of the fame get to his head! As I said before - he’s confident in the things he’s good at, but in a way that doesn’t pull other people down, and he still remains firmly admirable of other people.

And even when OTHER people let fame get to their head (it was a while ago, but there was a video he made about five block jumps, where he added in a clip of a video of another guy doing it complete with credit and link etc. The guy was 100% alright with it at first, but when his video started getting more views because Dream’s video blew up, he started accusing Dream of “stealing” his content (when dozens of other videos of the 5 block jump already existed, and Dream could’ve just put in a clip of himself doing the jump)),,, but he insisted in his reponse that fame gets to people’s heads sometimes, nobody should blame anybody, he genuinely was never upset at him and just said that this just... happens sometimes.

He’s a very forgiving person all around, in part due to being willing to challenge his own norms and give people the benefit of the doubt JUST in case he’s wrong. He lets people enjoy things so long as they aren’t hurting anybody, like allowing people to ship him w people who are also alright with shipping, but at the same time taking a hard stance on, say, how shipping minors is absolutely wrong and should not be done ever (and he’s right).

3. Fandom

He appreciates said fanart and fanworks as well! He thinks dnf fanart is cool and he even appreciates the fanfic part of his fandom, something many ccs wish to ignore or forget it exists altogether (and it IS ofc in their right to do so or be uncomfortable with such content!), but Dream sees the work put into it and how people find connections and friendships through the fandom and appreciates it all the same.

He loves his fandom. So much. But not in the overdone, fake-feeling way I’ve seen other ccs be,,,, he’s just. Quiet and shy and genuine about it but not afraid to defend it.

He’s said before - and I QUOTE - “If you send hate to people or have sent hate to people, in the form of hateful comments or DMs, you aren’t welcome in my fandom. You’re no fan of mine”, which is the HOTTEST take he’s ever uttered and I love that. He really just went and said that. And he’s right. I like that despite how he’s usually more held back and waits things out before taking a stance, he chose this topic to really take a hard stance on and not budge and stick to it.

Pmbata has also said that he believes his fans have his back no matter what!! And that he really loves them a lot!!! And I am!! Emotional!!!!

4. ND/Adhd

He has adhd which is something I relate to personally (I have it as well sdlkfj). He gets excited sometimes!! I love how he shows being fidgety in mc, always pacing and parcouring around,, the way that in manhunts you can SEE when he’s thinking or bouncing back and forth between two options,,, or the way he gets close to people in mc to laugh with them.... He shows so much with his movements by them being quick and daring and calculated (and it’s especially hilarious to watch other people react to it in the video “mc but three people control one player”, where he’s the one moving and Sapnap and George will gasp or go “Dream!!” in surprise when Dream was THIS close to falling off a ledge, but he just laughs sdlkfjsdf).

When he’s not moving around he stands perfectly, perfectly still (which, idk if thats what all adhd ppl have, but I know I have something similar? Like when I’m nervous I’ll sometimes just. Freeze in place. No movement at all). He’s just relatable sdkjf.

There was one Manhunt extra scenes where he,,,,, stims by clapping,,,,,, the lil excited clap in the background,,, I’m gonna cry. I’m so soft for excited Dream that one is such a comfort clip for me!

He also tends to stim by getting under trap doors and then jumping back out of them, or jumping up a block and then walking back down over and over (especially noticable in The Village Went Mad tftsmp episode, where they were all discussing who the murderer could be and he was the only one moving, hopping up the log and then running back down again).

Also it is. Really Soft when he starts rambling and overexplaining something. What’s even better is that George, who is usually present at such moments, will laugh a little at his antics, and Dream will automatically laugh with him.

5. Rp/Uplifting other ccs

Dream wasn’t all THAT into the rp at first, but his server has been so strongly supporting and giving attention to smaller creators that he’s since completely rolled along with it. Being a villain in the RP is a difficult role because you will, inevitable, as much as it is just roleplay and all scripted, always get some amount of dislike from people for it.

Despite that, he’s basicly the main big villain on his own server where he let a bunch of theater kids beat him up in character and imprison him on his OWN SERVER. He wasn’t as into the rp at first, but has obviously been practicing and joins every Tales of the SMP when he can, despite getting zero clout for it.

What Dream also tends to do is find small content creators, see their talent and lift them high. His entire discord server is dedicated to give smaller ccs a place to grow, and when he first found Tubbo, Tommy, Ranboo, etc., they were much much smaller than they are now. He truly wanted to help them make it big.

He’s also added Foolish Shark and Hannah onto the SMP, both much smaller ccs (not tiny, but you get what I mean), allowing them to grow. He doesn’t stream on his OWN SERVER. He let himself get imprisoned to let the good guys win on his OWN. SERVER. He’s willing to play the villain and everything.

An interesting thing though! A lot of people used to/still do clown on Dream a bit for his sometimes uncertain acting,,, but when he’s around people he knows well (Sapnap and George, Tubbo and Tommy) we’ve seen him go ALL OUT. I have the theory Dream might be genuinely afraid to accidentally be mean to someone in character and have them misinterpret it sldkfjsdf,,, so he’s rly careful when he goes into the rp, and sometimes even when he’s in it he goes quiet, especially with other people around.

But also the fact that he needs time to feel comfortable around ppl is,, a mood,,, and adorable,,, sdlfkjsdf-

Apparently he’s also shared his youtube algorithm secrets with Tommy?? Which he had only shared with Sapnap and George before?? Dream took one look at that chaotic kid and immedietly adopted him as his little brother. He literally got up super early to rp the prison visit. Idk about ya’ll but I would die for someone first and get up horribly early for them second-

6. Friends!!

Dream?? Considers so so many people his friends?? And despite having so many friends, he also has his few closest friends (George and Sapnap) whom he would absolutely die for in a heartbeat. He WILL defend them with everything he has and loves them so so much.

He listens to them and really, truly wants them to succeed. He respects them so much and will go OFF about how good they actually are and how talented they are and how important they are to him.

I can’t even COVER everything about how much he is SOULMATES with Gorg. They live in each others heads rent-free. He mentions him all the time. They get!! So happy when they’re around each other!!! Their voices get so soft,,

And I can’t even BEGIN to explain the energy of Sapnap and Dream just moving together permanently. Imagine moving together with your best friend. Like, permanently. Into one house. They’re best friends Your Honor,,,,

Also,, remember the Techno and Dream rivalry? And Dream has recently said that he’s hesitant to make a serious manhunt against Techno because he doesn’t want there to be any feud between them or have them be compared to each other. He said that while he absolutely wanted nothing more than to beat Techno at first, now that he knows him better he just wants to be friends with him. He wants to be FRIENDS. With his, essentially, mc RIVAL. Friendly rival, but still. He doesn’t even wanna fight Techno or have ppl compare them cause he,,, wants to be friends with him,,,,

7. Vulnerability

What I feel like really sets Dream apart from some other ccs for me is that he’s willing to be vulnerable. He will tell George he loves him. He defends his friends. He sounds so, so genuine when he tells his fandom that he loves them.

What’s just really rare to see, especially in male ccs, is that vulnerability. It’s becoming more acceptable as time goes on, but it’s certainly not easy, and a lot of people become and stay long-term fans BECAUSE they can see how genuine he is.

I know Dream looks up to Mr. Beast a lot, for example, but honestly? I think he’s a little better than Mr. Beast. Because he feels more genuine, more bound to what he believes is right. I’m sure Mr. Beast isn’t a bad content creator! But ultimately they have different target audiences and I’m very glad Dream is the way he is.

Less of that insecure masculinity and more willing to be vulnerable, to care about things, to get emotional and to encourage and uplift the people around him.

8. Pure Brainrot

Green boi has nice deep calm soothing voice. Little shy laugh. Wheeze laugh. Gorg live in his head rent-free. He lov friends. He lov block game. He good at block game,,, a little shy but confident,,, big heart,,,, soft voice,,,,, rambles sometimes....

He also Gender. He’s so gender. I don’t know how else to describe it. I want That. Whatever That is. My gender is Dreamwastaken

#mcyt #mcytblr #dreamwastaken #dream #dream appreciation #long post #dreamteamspace speaks #space writes #yes this goes in my writing tag #this is Way too many words to only be in my normal tag #but how many dream apreciation essays have you written fear huh? Huh?? /lh #mr beast critical #adhd tw #adhd #just in case?

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love-fireflysong · 2 years ago

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Okay! Final update (I swear lol) for those who are worried about/invested in my ps4 hard drive issues!

Long story short: my save data is completely unrecoverable. It's gone. I'm completely shit out of luck for recovering pretty much anything on that drive and I have no one to blame but myself.

Learn from my mistakes and take note of these two very important tips I'm about to impart on you.

If you have a ps+ substriction and you turn off the auto upload to the cloud to platinum a game in one playthrough instead of like 3 (like i did) than for the love of all that is holy turn that shit back on the second you finish. I did not do that so all my save data since I finished vampyr a year ago is kaput cause none of that uploaded.

If you start to notice that your ps4 is starting to lag a little bit when on the hud screen or when a game is booting, then that means that hard drive failure is on the horizon and back up your save data ASAP onto a USB drive. My ps4 had been letting me know for weeks now that it was about to bsod me but hindsight is 20/20 as they say 😔

(For those that want to know exactly why all my data is unrecoverable, then all the in depth techy talk about my discoveries over the past couple of days are below the cut)

So first things first: any site or article that promises a way to recover data from a ps4 hard drive is lying through their fucking teeth. Maybe the methods work on an external ps4 hard drive I don't know, but an internal hard drive is GONE baby! Due to the fact that a pc and ps4 format each of their hard drives in completely different ways, neither is readable on the other without reformatting said drive to work. Which *will* completely erase everything that once existed and leave it empty and ready for use. (Which I already knew about going in so I never did that but I figured I would mention just in case someone tries it for themselves)

That being said, lots of programs will scan your hard drive for free and it *is* possible to scan an internal ps4 hdd. It will just appear hidden as a 'lost partition' and unavailable to pick through the files because, once again, the formatting is not native to pcs. BUT, every scan I tried was only able to find *maybe* about 2gb worth of what I knew was a nearly full 500gb hdd.

And while scanning is free, recovering the said files are not. Every program will cost pretty much $100 usd for a months subscription.

And in a test of putting the old hdd into the external hard drive and hooking it up to the ps4 and seeing if i could access my data that way, the answer was also a big fat no. While I did find out that I *could* still use the hard drive as an external if I wanted hilariously enough, it would require me to, once again, reformat the thing so it would work. Also, turns out anyways that a ps4 external hdd only saves the game applications and thats it. No pictures, videos, or save game data: that is all saved to the interior hdd so that method of backing up is a no go sorry to say.

I admittedly have one last method to try, but I don't have high hopes for it though lol. When I next get paid and have money again, I'm gonna call the actual game console repair store that is located in the northern part of my city and see if they can do anything, but I doubt it. Even if they can though, if I'm correct that method will probably cost me like $400 cad to transfer the data to a new hdd that's already formatted to my ps4. Cause it turns out that you can't move hard drives from one console to another, each one is uniquely formatted so putting mine into my roomies would require reformatting the thing so it can be read and used on hers.

But it's my last shot, I just don't have high hopes of it working 😒

#So yeah all my save data past like halloween of lasy year just doesnt exost anymore sadly enough #Learn from my mistakes people fhdjdkdndhd #But starting this morning when i get off this bus and arrive home i start the crash 4 slog all over again #Hoping ill get through it quicker cause i have a decent memory for maps and shit #So i should still recall the level layouts and box/gem locations pretty easily #And seeing as i already did the n.sanity relics once already for those levels #It should hopefully not take me too long to beat them again #Cause in my experience once the objective is achieved even once on shit like this #Its for some reason markedly easier easier to do it a second time #Ill just make this my after work slog as i try for like an hour at most before finally heading to bed

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kpostedsum · 3 years ago

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400 celebration🫂

i hit 400 like 3 days ago lol, i’ve never done this before but i’m bored, ty friends

ends july 2nd

send in the following:

🗣: first impressions (moots only! i’ll give u my first impression of you!)

🔮: send in a character with a scenario and i’ll write a one paragraph blurb about it (no smut)

🪐: send in your big 3 (sun,moon,rising) and i’ll analyze it

🎵: i’ll give you a song i think matches you/your blog from my library (moots only)

💋: cym! send me things to cast my mutuals as

mutuals under the cut hm…

@henqtic @prettygirlkay @underappreciated-spoon-321 @slvt4fakerealities @slut4drvc0 @sfdlm @dracoscum @helleli @elevatorsdoor @arcaneslut @s1ater @mellifluousart @leydileyla @dracossweetprincess @ilygw @bellatrixscurls @harmqnia @yoooespinosa @littlemissnoname13 @lovegoodsgf @booksarealwaysbettersworlds-blog @cupids-crystals @justfangirlthingies +if i didn’t tag u i forgot i swear🙏🏽

#draco malfoy x reader #draco malfoy #draco malfoy fluff #draco malfoy smut #draco fuckingmalfoy #draco malfoy angst #harry potter #draco lucius malfoy #theodore nott fluff #theo x reader #fred weasley smut #fred weasley #blaise zabini #blaise zabini x reader #george weasley x reader #george weasley

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topsytervy · 4 years ago

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Rented ~ Rafe Cameron

Blurb: Rafe decides to pay your brother Barry to rent you as his date for midsummers and it turns into something a little more.

Word Count: 4,516

Warnings: mentions of drugs, mentions of drinking, swearing, canon Rafe in the beginning, age gap (16 and 19), probably spelling errors, kind of horribly written towards the end, i think that’s all.

I just want to say that it’s not okay to rent out your friends or family members without their consent or just in general so...don’t be Barry. Also, google told me age of consent in North Carolina is 16 but THIS IS A WORK OF FICTION. I DO NOT CONDONE A RELATIONSHIP WHERE ONE (OR MORE) OF THE PEOPLE IN A RELATIONSHIP IS A MINOR AND THE OTHER (OR OTHERS) IS AN ADULT. I DO NOT CONDONE IT AND DO NOT RECOMMEND IT. THIS IS PURELY FICTION AND FOR THE STORY.

~~~~~

Being Barrys younger sister sucked ass.

He was your legal guardian until you were 18 and he couldn't care less about your well-being if you were being honest. It was well-known that Barry was your brother after all the times he dragged you home from somewhere or constantly called you, telling you to get home. If you opted for turning off your phone, he'd come looking for you or offer someone a gram at half-price if they brought you home.

There was the one time you were at the chateau late one night and he told you that if you weren’t home by 10, you'd be sleeping outside cause he wasn’t going to get up to unlock the door.

JJ dropped you off at 10:01 and, sure enough, a blanket and pillow were sitting on the porch for you. When JJ stopped by later to drop off your phone that you left behind on accident, he saw you sleeping on the ground and took a crowbar to your window.

JJ seemed to be the only one who liked you for you.

Most of the time when people approached you and became your friend, they did it because they thought that being your friend meant discounted coke.

It didn't. Frankly, Barry didn’t want you sticking your nose in his little empire. You minded your business and he minded his for the most part.

JJ was probably the first real friend you had. It was very simple of how the friendship formed, he saw someone push you, and he punched them. Why? You don’t know. That was just JJ Maybank for you.

You repaid the favor the next day when a girl poured her water on him and you broke her nose for him. He laughed as you passed him your sweatshirt so he could dry himself off before you were dragged to the office.

You had also tried convincing Barry to stop selling to Luke Maybank but Barry just said "money is money. I’m not turning away a paying customer just so your little boyfriend can be happy. My happiness comes first. How do you think I feed you?"

8th grade was a wild year.

The first time you ever met Rafe was when he was a senior in high school and you were a freshman.

There was a kegger on the beach and you were on keeping JJ under control duty like every other time. It was a well-known fact around that you could talk JJ down from a fight and keep him from pounding people’s faces in. After all, you liked to avoid conflict and would rather have problems talked out rather than fought out.

So it was no shock when Topper, Kelce, and Rafe showed up and stood in front of you guys for their beers, you had a hand on JJs shoulder and shooting him a glance.

Thankfully, you got through filling their cups without any words said and the party went smoothly for the most part until Topper and JJ got a bit too close to each other.

All you remember is coming back from the bathroom and being dragged to where JJ currently had Topped in a headlock.

"Yo, Y/N! Get your boy off of him!" Rafe had yelled at you.

You rolled your eyes and flipped him off before rushing over to the two boys.

You grabbed JJs bicep and leaned in close to him so he could hear you. "J, he's had enough. Let him go."

JJ hesitated before releasing Topper who immediately had Rafe and Kelce by his side.

Rafe glared at JJ before turning to you. "You better keep your bitch under control before he ends up like his dad."

Your grip tightened on JJ as you held him back from pouncing again. JJ spat some blood into the sand and you handed him to John B before walking over to the older boy.

"You better watch your mouth Rafe before it gets you in trouble." You said evenly.

"Oh really? What? You gonna call your coke dealer brother to come fuck me up?" He practically spat in your face.

You didn’t say anything, just drew back your fist and let it connect with his nose.

"No. I'll do it myself." You hissed, leaning down so only he would hear you as he held his nose.

And that was your first-ever direct interaction meeting with Rafe Cameron.

It sucked ass and you would’ve thought you two would’ve killed each other the next time you two met.

Except, you didn’t kill each other.

You were so adjusted to him coming in and out of the trailer for coke that you were unfazed when you walked out of your bedroom to see Rafe handing Barry money, a smirk present on his lips as he walked past you and out the door.

"Wow. Kooky cokehead seemed real happy this time. What? You give him a 25% off coupon for his next purchase." You joked, flopping down on the couch.

"No. He left empty-handed. And 200 bucks poorer." Barry grinned, counting out the money.

You furrowed your eyebrows in confusion. Why on God's green earth would Rafe fork over 200 dollars only to leave empty-handed?

"Guess who's going to midsummer’s as Rafe Cameron’s date?" Barry looked at you with a smile.

Your eyes widened as you stood up. "You rented me to Rafe Cameron without my consent! I'm 16! He's 19!"

"Legal age of consent is 16 here. Besides, it’s not like he asked to fuck you. He just needed a date to midsummers and he wanted to take you." Barry explained, walking towards his room.

"Jokes on you! The only dress I have is from 5th grade!"

"Jokes on you cause country clubs gonna be taking care of your wardrobe for the night!"

You let out a yell of frustration before turning around and walking put the door, hopping onto your bike, and booking it to the beach.

You ditched your bike at the bike rack and ran down the beach searching for your friends. You let pit a breath when you saw Kie and Pope sitting on the sand.

"Hey Y/N/N. You look like you've seen a ghost. What’s up?" Pope asked once you were close enough.

"Where's JB and JJ?" You panted, slightly out of breath from running across the sand.

Kie nodded out towards the water and you watched as JJ surfed a wave with John B. You crossed your arms and watched your two friends make their way back to shore. JJ grinned as he approached you, surfboard under his arm, shaking his hair and causing water droplets to hit your exposed arm.

"Look who finally showed up." The blonde laughed, slinging his arm around you.

"Sorry, I was held up for a few extra minutes because Barry decided that he'd rent me out to Rafe Cameron for Midsummers!" You told him, voice getting louder and angrier with each word you spoke.

"Please tell me that’s a joke." John B looked at you.

"I wish it fucking was! Rafe stopped by, gave Barry 200 bucks to rent me for a night, and then walked out."

"That’s crazy," JJ said, surfboard long forgotten in the sand.

You opened your mouth to speak but were cut off by a familiar and unwelcomed voice.

"Hey, Y/N. Haven’t seen you in a bit."

You and your friends turned to face Rafe, feelings JJs arm tighten around your shoulders.

"You saw me an hour ago tops."

Rafe smirked, hands in his pockets. "I just wanted to let you know that I made an appointment for you to get your measurements taken for your dress. It’s over on the mainland at 11:00 tomorrow."

"What’s the name of the place and I'll take her to the appointment?" Kie crossed her arms over her chest as she spoke.

Rafe shot her a glance before looking back at you. "I’m picking you up at about 9:30 so be ready."

"Hey, jackass. Kie said she would take her. Just tell her the name of the joint." JJ took his arm from around you and took a step towards Rafe

"Y/N/N, your bitch needs to be put in check," Rafe told you calmly as he looked into your eyes.

You grabbed JJs wrist as he went to lunge and looked at Rafe. "One moment, please. I need to converse with my friends."

Rafe watched you lazily as you tugged your friends away from the older boy.

"This is really bad timing considering we're in the middle of finding 400 mill," JJ whispered.

"Kie, you gotta stay here and help Pope keep JJ and John B put of trouble and help him reason with them." You told her.

"And leave you alone with the Kook prince?" John B looked at you like you were crazy.

"I’ll be fine. I'll bring pepper spray." You reassured them.

They all looked at each other before sighing and nodding.

Before you could leave, JJ grabbed your wrist. "If things get weird, send me an SOS and I'll be there ASAP. Even if I have to paddle my way to the mainland."

You nodded and made your way towards Rafe. "Just don’t try to engage in a conversation with me right away. Unless it’s 10 AM or I've had caffeine, I don’t talk in the mornings." You informed the older boy.

"I'll see you then, angel." Rafe sent you a wink before turning to walk away.

You caught JJs arm, knowing your best friend was close to tackling the kook boy into the sand to pound his face in.

JJ turned to you, leaning in close to your ear to speak. "I’m serious. First red flag, you call or text me. I highly doubt consent is a word in Rafe Cameron’s dictionary."

****

You saw Rafe more in the 4 days leading up to midsummers than you had in a year and you’d be lying if you said you hated it.

The first day was the day you needed your measurements taken. The dress had already been picked out and you ignored the fact that the tailor said that it was about time you two came because he was ready to put it back on the rack after day 3 of holding it.

You stood there, completely out of your comfort zone as measurements were taken and jotted down onto a notepad.

"How quickly can you get the dress altered?" Rafe asked from the couch, watching the process.

"Depends Mr. Cameron. How quickly do you need it?" The tailor responded.

Rafe rubbed his face, groaning. "Let’s see. Four- four and a half days and that’s counting today. We're coming back to the island on the day of midsummers to pick everything else up, today is just a looking day. So, three days."

The tailor nodded. "We can do that. We'll make it a top priority."

Rafe nodded before his eyes met with yours.

The tailor exited the room for something and that’s when you spoke. "A looking day?"

"Yeah. Browse through the jewelry and heels and anything else necessary for midsummers." He glanced down to where you were fiddling with your fingers and immediately pulled out his phone. "And a manicure. Might as well throw in a pedicure."

"Rafe," you said. He didn’t look up from his phone, probably looking at nail salons nearby. "Rafe." You tried again and still nothing. You sighed before walking over to him. "Rafe!" You went to snatch his phone but he caught your wrist.

"I heard you the first time now what?" He hissed.

You wrenched your wrist away from him. "How could I know when you didn’t even pay me a glance? At least acknowledge me so I know you heard me and then I wouldn't keep saying your name and get on with what I need to say." You huffed.

"Maybe I like it when you say my name." He smirked.

You rolled your eyes as you felt your face heat up, praying that he either would mistake it for a sudden sunburn or would just ignore it.

"What did you want to say?" He asked, stretching out a bit.

"I’m not wearing heels. I can barely walk in my sneakers without breaking a bone. How the hell am I supposed to do heels?"

Rafe sat there for a few seconds, chewing on his lip before sighing. "What are your thoughts on little miss perfect?"

"Who?"

"My sister. Sarah. Little miss perfect." Rafe rolled his eyes.

You shrugged. You never really even talked to Sarah except for the whole 'get your friend of my boyfriend' fiasco at the boneyard that one night, but that was more towards Kie than you.

"Tomorrow, she’s teaching you how to walk in heels. Even if I have to hold a gun to her head." Rafe finished as the tailor walked back in.

You grimaced at his choice of words as the tailor reassured Rafe that he would get started right away on the dress and make sure it was perfect for the event.

Rafe smiled, thanked the man for his time, and then beckoned you to follow him out the door. You shot the tailor a smile and a thank you before following Rafe out the door.

"You hungry?" He asked once you both were out on the street.

You shrugged once again, shoving your hands into your pockets.

Rafe sighed. "You know, you're going to have to talk to me. Like civil, full sentences, classy conversation."

"I do know how to be civil Rafe. After all, I haven’t swung on quite yet but depending on how the rest of the day goes, maybe that will change." You answered him before looking at his face, "Is that enough sentences for you?"

You saw him hold back a smile before training his blue eyes on you. "Just answer the question. You hungry or not?"

You smiled. "I guess I could eat."

"Then let’s go eat then get your nails done."

The second day was nothing completely insane. All you did, was sit about until Rafe dropped by, which was the shortest amount of time you spent with him in those four days. Only being with him for an hour that day for literally no reason.

"Get dressed. We're going out." He told you when you answered the door.

You sighed, looking down at your pajamas. "But I’m comfy."

Rafe smiled, shaking his head. "Seriously, come on. Let’s get dinner at the Wreck and then eat it at the beach or something."

“Was this in the itinerary?”

“Not in the slightest but I’m bored and I’m sure you are too.”

You pursed your lips before nodding. "Alright."

"That didn’t take much convincing." He commented.

"Well, your offering dinner so I’m not gonna say no."

"You sure that’s all it is."

You looked back to see Rafe’s signature smirk on his face.

"Don’t let it go to your head, Cameron."

Rafe rolled his eyes before pushing you in the direction of your room. "Go get dressed. I don’t want anyone else seeing you in your pajamas."

You rolled your eyes with a small smile before walking into your room, leaving Rafe in the hallway.

The evening on the third day was Sarah teaching you how to successfully walk in heels without you ending up in the hospital.

"Why the hell are these so tall?" You asked, looking up at Sarah and Rafe who sat on the couch.

"Good question. Why are they so tall, Sarah? I said to teach her how to walk in heels, not break her ankles before midsummers." Rafe looked at his younger sister.

"You wanted her to learn how to walk in heels, those are heels. I don’t know what else you expected Rafe." Sarah shot at her brother.

"I don't know, something that still has her feet somewhat horizontal to the ground, not diagonal." Rafe glared at her.

"Then you should’ve bought heels for her to practice in."

"Oh, so it’s my fault?"

"Yeah. Yeah, it is."

Rafe didn’t respond, just stood up and stormed out of the room, slamming the door behind him. Sarah rolled her eyes before turning her attention back to you.

"Okay, I might have a pair that’s an inch shorter."

"Bring them out."

You ended up spending the night at the Camerons that night, much to the pogues displeasure.

You just got done brushing your teeth and were laying on Sarah’s bed in a pair of her pajamas when Sarah spoke up.

"So, John B…"

You shot your head up from the book you found in her room that looked somewhat interesting.

"What about John B?"

"What’s he like? You know, besides a surfer dude and a felon."

You raised an eyebrow. "What the hell are you on about?"

"He seems… I don’t know… not boring. Not bland. So much better than this life." Sarah sighed, flopping onto her back, arms stretched out.

"Barf in my mouth." You rolled your eyes.

"What? You've never looked at someone and felt a smile tug at your lips for no reason or they look at you and you feel like you are the most gorgeous person in the world. They give you a rush of adrenaline or… or make your head all cloudy."

"Oh my god. You barely even know John B. He's like every other teenage guy. Disgusting, horny, and hungry." You answered.

Sarah sat up. "That’s the thing. We hung out the entire day today. That’s why I told Rafe to have you come over in the evening. Because I was gone all day."

"So you asked me to spend the night to talk about one of my best friends so you can get in his pants. You've got Topper." You rolled your eyes, getting up from the bed.

"No." She grabbed my wrist. "I think I really like him. He takes me away from the bubble wrap. It’s exciting, the life you guys live. Topper doesn’t take me away from the bubble wrap. If anything, he adds more. When I kissed John B-"

You looked at her. "Wait. What? Listen I like Topper about as much as I like brussel sprouts but I don’t think he deserves his girlfriend kissing another dude before she gets the balls to break up with him."

"It just happened. And it felt...amazing. I felt breathless like I was on cloud 9." She smiled, ignoring the last bit.

"I'm sure you did. I’m gonna go get some water." You excused yourself.

"Wait." She called.

You turned to look at the blonde and she chucked a pair of heels at you. "Put those on and walk downstairs."

You rolled your eyes before slipping the shoes onto your feet and proceeding put of her room.

Rafe was in the kitchen, snacking on some chips while he was scrolling through his phone. His head shot up when he heard the sound of heels on the stairs.

He looked towards the entrance of the kitchen and smiled when he saw you enter.

"You look ridiculous wearing pajamas and heels." He commented.

You feigned offense, staring at the older boy. "You mean this isn't fashionable? I call it sleeping chic." You did a twirl and Rafe chuckled.

"You know what? It looks wonderful." Rafe placed his arms on the table and leaned forward, watching your every move.

"Your sister threw them at me before I came downstairs. I assume for me to practice but, not to toot my own horn, I think I’m getting the hang of walking in them."

"Go ahead and toot your horn cause if you waltzed up to me at a party the same way you did coming into the kitchen, I would've thought you've been wearing heels your entire life."

"Why thank you." You grinned, opening the fridge and grabbing a bottle of water.

You walked over to the island and slid into the seat next to Rafe, opening the bottle before taking a drink.

"You know something, Rafe?"

"Hmm."

"I haven’t hated spending these past few days with you. You're surprisingly not that annoying."

Rafe sent you a smile. "Yeah?"

You nodded, looking at him.

"I haven’t hated spending these days with you either." He nudged you with his shoulder.

You stood up as you grabbed your water before placing a hand on his shoulder. "See you tomorrow."

"Yep. Don’t forget we’re going to the mainland tomorrow to pick up everything." He cleared his throat.

You nodded and said goodnight before heading back upstairs and into Sarah’s room, shutting the door behind you.

The night of midsummer was hectic. You and Rafe quickly went to the mainland to pick up the dress, heels, and accessories before grabbing some lunch.

It wasn’t long before you asked Rafe to drop you off at Kie’s to get ready. You had a shower before Kie and her mom helped you get ready, her mom gushing about how Rafe will drop dead when he sees you.

You were blushing bright red at the thought as Kie rolled her eyes before you quickly excused yourself so you could change into your dress and pull on your heels that were picked up earlier that day. Rafe insisted on getting you a necklace but you declined once you saw the price tag, telling him you had a nice pair of earrings and a bracelet at home you could wear that you'd ask Kie to pick up.

After Kiara’s mom took pictures, you were at the event, completely out of your element as you tried to find Rafe which was weirdly difficult considering his height.

You heard a low whistle and whipped around, tensing slightly before relaxing. Rafe stood there in a baby blue suit, a small smile on his face as he looked at you.

"You look stunning, Y/N." He complimented.

You felt your cheeks heating up again as you spoke. "Thanks. You look rather dashing yourself."

His smile grew before he offered you his arm. "Shall we mingle?"

You linked your arm through his. "If we have to."

****

After half an hour of mingling and Rafe getting you both a drink, Rafe set down his empty glass.

"Let’s dance, angel."

You sighed, slightly flushing at the nickname this time around, before finishing off your drink and setting down the glass. You followed Rafe onto the dance floor and placed your hands on his shoulders as his own went to your waist.

You two swayed side to side, a silence hanging over the two of you for a bit before you broke it.

"Why me?"

"Hmm."

"Why did you pay Barry to rent me for a night when any kook girl here would’ve gone with you and it wouldn’t have cost you anything?" You asked quietly.

You saw Rafe swallow before answering. "I...I…don't really know.” He lied, feeling his breathing pick up slightly.

"Rafe. Breathe." You told him.

He did as you said before looking around, his eyes narrowing.

"I'll be right back." He muttered, removing his arms from your waist and starting to walk away.

"Rafe," You said, grabbing his wrist.

He turned to look at you before turning back to where his eyes were previously looking, chewing on his bottom lip in thought.

You followed his gaze to see JJ looking at you, concern written on your best friend’s face.

"Leave him alone, Rafe. He’s not doing anything. Just….lets keep dancing."

Rafe’s eyes went back to yours and he nodded slowly.

You mouthed a quick I’m fine to JJ before putting your hands back on Rafe’s shoulders.

"Can I tell you something? Well, a couple of things."

You nodded.

"Well, for starters, I've been trying to get off coke."

"That’s great, Rafe." You grinned, squeezing his shoulders with your hands.

"It’s hard. But I find it easier to not think about getting high when...um...you're with me." Rafe admitted, feeling his cheeks getting hot.

You felt your breathing pick up and tried your best to keep it under control. "Really?" You breathed out.

He nodded before taking his hands off your waist and reaching into his pocket. "I know you said no to me getting you that one necklace but here. I picked this up when you were at the nail salon that day we were getting your dress altered."

Rafe handed you a little box and you could practically feel the nervousness radiating off of him as you took it in your own shaking hands. Rafe, for the first time in ages, felt shy in front of a girl and scared of being rejected.

You opened the box to see a little necklace resting in the box, the word angel attached to it.

"How much was it?" You asked, not wanting him to spend any more money on you than he needed to for this event.

Too late though.

Rafe scratched the back of his neck as he looked down. "I’d rather not answer that question."

Your eyes widened and you smacked his chest. "Rafe Cameron!" You whispered harshly before putting it back in his hands. "I can't accept and keep that. I already planned on giving you the dress and heels back and paying you back for the manicure and pedicure. I can’t keep this in good conscience just because I agreed to be your date tonight. You don’t have to give me a present, you already paid Barry and bought this shit."

Rafe licked his lips as he looked around before looking back towards you. "I shouldn’t have paid Barry unless I was renting Barry, I should've paid you. I technically should've just asked you without paying but I was nervous and I was scared. I knew Barry would let me take you out for the right price and I took advantage of it. It’s just- I caught feelings for you somehow in the last month okay. Like actual feelings and I- I think you're-"

"An angel. Your angel." You finished for him.

Rafe nodded sheepishly before shoving the box back into his pocket. "I always turned to coke for comfort and I feel like when I’m with you, I don’t need to turn to coke for that comfort. I can turn to you. I’m sorry. It’s stupid, I'll just go."

Rafe turned around but you grabbed him yet again. "It’s not stupid." You whispered before pressing your lips to his.

Rafe was surprised for a second before he kissed back, his hands coming up to cup your face.

After you two pulled away, Rafe smiled. "Does this mean you'll take the necklace?"

You nodded before reaching into his pocket and pulling out the box.

"Can you?" You asked, gesturing towards the box.

"I would love to." He said, taking the necklace in his hands and placing it around your neck, doing the clasp in the back.

"Told you she would catch feelings in those four days," Pope stated as he looked at JJ.

JJ clenched his jaw before turning away. "I gotta go find Sarah."

~~~~~

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crispys-laptop · 4 years ago

Text

aeonian (h.h.j)

genre: fluff, angst, immortal au

word count: 1.4k

~warning: mentions of death, character death

Network tag: @stayverse

a/n: thanks to @blueprint-han for the banner and helping me with this fic. I swear if it's not for you, it wouldn't turn out this good 🥺🥺 (and I come back to tumblr :3)

The first time you saw him was when he stepped inside the cafe that you worked at. His presence was enough to captivate people, their gazes lingering on his form as he walked past them and went to the counter.

"One cup of Americano, please."

His order was simple. Just a cup of Americano. He ordered the same thing the next day. Until it became a routine. He would walk into the cafe and come up to you. You would be ready with his usual order. You both exchanged smiles, you being too shy to start a conversation.

"I think he likes you." Your co-worker would say, giggling.

You shook your head at her ridiculous statement, continuing your work as you felt his gaze on you, watching you intently.

A few weeks later, you mustered up enough courage to talk to him. As you made way timidly towards his table, your heart beating frantically, fearing his reaction.

"Excuse me? You come around a lot but I haven't caught your name yet. Mine's Y/N and I just hope we can be friends?"

His smile was beautiful. Too beautiful to be human. Yet his eyes were carrying something, like sadness and longing but you couldn't pinpoint it.

"The name is Hyunjin. Nice to meet you."

"Why do you keep coming to our café even though it's miles away from your place?"

Hyunjin looked up from his cup to stare at you, lips lifting in a smile. He pushed the cup away from him, finger drumming on the table as you waited for him to answer.

"Your coffee is delicious. They remind me of someone. That's all."

You frowned at his answer. Hyunjin seems to notice that you were not satisfied with his answer yet he didn't say anything.

"Why don't you ask that person to make your coffee then? Did you guys fight or something?

You asked, absentmindedly stirring your coffee. Hyunjin went quiet for a while before opening his mouth.

"She died a few years ago."

You stopped stirring, guilt starting to fill your being. You grabbed his outstretched hand, nearly knocking the cups over.

"I'm sorry. That's rude of me. I don't mean to bring that up." "It's okay."

Hyunjin smiled lightly, patting your hand as you kept on apologizing. You eventually picked up your head to look into his eyes, fighting back his gaze.

A wave of nostalgia suddenly hit you. You didn't know why but his eyes seem familiar somehow. Like you already saw them before.

"Y/N? Are you there?"

You jerked out from your trance as Hyunjin waved his hand in front of your face. He looked worried.

"I'm okay. It's just I think I remember something when I stared into your eyes." "Oh. That's good."

And the next day, he didn't come back.

People think being immortal must be nice. You won't die. You won't get hurt. You could live for so long and you won't ever get old. It's a way of avoiding death, the thing that people feared so much.

But not for Hyunjin. If he had to choose, he chooses death.

For starters, he needs to see all his loved ones die with his own eyes and it will continue to haunt his memory forever. He can't stay in one area for a long time just in case anyone noticed him. No matter how much the town means to him, he had moved away to avoid causing a ruckus.

He needs to change his identity often which is the only way so people won't recognize him and sell him out. He hates being immortal.

Not to mention, it's hard for him to fall in love. Hyunjin has been falling in love with the same person every time for 400 years now. No matter how much you changed over time, he still falls for you.

It hurts to see you falling in love, getting married, having kids, and hearing you passed away. He could have approached you yet he knows he won't stand a chance with you and the thought of seeing you dying hurts him.

Yet, this was the first time you approached him first. He still looks after you from time to time, helping you in secret if you have ever been in trouble and it surprised him when you approached his table shyly, asking to be friends.

And so Hyunjin agreed.

But when she started to remember a little bit from her past life, Hyunjin knew it was time for him to flee. He couldn't risk you remembering him. As much as he hated to leave, Hyunjin knew it was for the best.

For 40 years, he lived alone, far away from your city. He suppressed his desire to see you, to know if you're doing good, to find out if you got over him.

Until one day, he couldn't take it anymore. So he went back to your city, just to watch you from afar. Seeing you after all these years, still smiling brightly while running the little cafe, made him feel relieved to see you doing so well without him.

He was surprised to find out you still didn't get married yet, like your other past life. Until he found out you were still waiting for him and you already knew the fact about him being immortal.

Turned out, Hyunjin stupidly left his sketchbook, the one where he keeps all his sketches of Y/N from her different life after their last encounter together. And it seems like she pieced it together to form a conclusion that he's immortal.

And so Hyunjin decided to come back. This time, to stay until your very last breath.

The bell on the door chimed merrily as someone stepped inside the cafe. You picked up your head from the old cash register, smiling at the person in front of you.

His presence, as always, drew people in to look at him, gaping at his figure. Even after 40 years, he still had that dazzling smile on his face.

"You didn't change much, Hyunjin." "And you aged beautifully, Y/N"

You chuckled slowly, shaking your head as tears collected at the brim of your eyes. Hyunjin helped you to get out from the counter, his hand gripping yours tightly.

"I may be old but I'm not fragile yet."

You mumbled as Hyunjin fussed over you, asking if you were comfortable. You sighed, smiling, a bit amused at his antics. You pulled his hand to sit next to you. Smiling, he held your hand tenderly, as your tears once again flooded the brim of your eyes.

"I missed you."

As the noises from the background faded into silence, you focused solely on Hyunjin as he did the same, the feeling of longing evaporated as you both basked in each other's presence, letting out the yearning for each other.

"Me too, Hyunjin. Me too."

Hyunjin took one last look at the graveyard, focusing on your tomb. He watched as your close ones went back along with him. His mind flew back to the last conversation you had with him yesterday before you passed away in your sleep.

"I'll try to remember you in my next life."

Hyunjin smiled as he fixed your blanket gently, patting your hand. You smiled back as his hand intertwined both of your hands together.

"Don't bother, Y/N. It's never gonna work."

You chuckled but it was quickly cut off with a cough. Hyunjin quickly handed her some water as he helped her sit up on the bed. You waved his hand away as the cough subsided, shaking your head.

"We just need a miracle, Hyunjin. If I can remember you after our last encounter 40 years ago, why won't I remember the next time we meet?"

You reached out to your nightstand and took out his sketchbook, handing it to him. Hyunjin reluctantly accepted it, feeling a bit lost.

"If you show me that sketchbook in my next life, I'm sure I'll remember. After all, I won't forget the person who draws me so beautifully like that."

You chuckled as Hyunjin flipped through the pages. He nodded.

"Now let's get you to sleep. It's late."

That night, Hyunjin drew you while you were sleeping peacefully with a smile on your face as you breathed your last air.

He gripped the sketchbook tightly in his grasp, willing himself not to cry. He let out a watery smile as he walked away from the graveyard, promising himself to do what you told him to do before.

Except, you were never reborn.

#stayverse #skz x reader #stray kids imagines #skz fluff #stray kids x reader #stray kids fluff #skz angst #skz au #skz scenarios #skz hyunjin #skz headcanons #skz hyunjin fluff #skz hyunjin scenarios #hyunjin fluff #hyunjin angst #hyunjin fanfic

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