#I still remember when my cousin emailed me and mom

[shikai-the-storyteller]

Bruh it's been such a bad day for Mexicans 😭😭😭

[millerflintstone]

Logged into my original facebook account that I rarely look at anymore and realized my childhood best friend liked a post from 2017. I last updated that account in 2018 so that's not too crazy. No friend request. I'm guessing she didn't realize she liked it and that I've realized she looked me up. I was only facebook friends with the brother out of that sibling group and wondered if she found me through him. Nope. He's deactivated. My last name isn't on the account so I'm not even sure how she found me. She doesn't have the email tied to it. I'm guessing they all probably looked me up before he deactivated and she remembered the name.

We lived across the street from each other in Miami. I met her when I was 10. She is 3 years younger than me and has 4 siblings. The youngest (the boy) was born in 1985 or 86. I was there when the second youngest walked her first steps. We ended up being roommates for a year at UNC. Her family had moved to NC in 1990, which is what had me looking at schools in that area in general.

In 1985 ish, a male cousin from Pakistan came to live with them. He was in his 20s, weird/ awkward and would try to flirt with me. I was 11/ 12. ELEVEN OR TWELVE. This continued on until he left. He even tried to get me to come into his room so he could "show me something". He said this with the other 2 older girls around. We all pretty much jeered at him and he went away. Sometime in 1986 or 87, he moved out. I learned that he had been trying to get into the two youngest gal's rooms at night. The ex best friend told me that they would sleep with shoes to throw at him. The mom found out what was going on and he had to leave.

Fast forward to when we were all adults. I learned that it was not only the cousin, but that he and their father had been actually assaulting the two youngest girls during that time period. It wasn't just attempted abuse. They were maybe 8 (3rd oldest) and 5 (4th oldest) at the time. After that was discovered, the mom still stayed with him.

3rd oldest got heavy into drugs and alcohol because of it, but we didn't know that at the time. We all just thought she liked being an edgy emo girl or whatever we as teens called it back then. I remember we really were annoyed by her being a drunk fuck up, but didn't realize she was coping from that trauma.

I went to my ex friend's wedding in 2004. I remember being pissed that 3rd oldest drank most of the bottle of Kahlua I had gotten them, so I don't think we knew yet about the abuse now that I'm typing and trying to remember. We learned after the wedding.

When I learned ex best friend and her husband were trying for kids, I was surprised that they were going to keep her father in their lives knowing what happened. Granted, it didn't happen to her so I'm not sure if that was the reasoning. I just couldn't keep interacting with that level of toxicity after a while. There were also other things that happened that added to the distancing, but I don't think I could've continued to pretend everything was ok after learning those awful facts. I last saw them in 2004. Our last email was in 2007. I never met any of her kids or any of the other siblings' kids.

I found the 3rd oldest girl's facebook a while back and she was not friends on facebook with her dad but other siblings were. It looked she got cleaned up. The last time she visited us in GA, the girls had taken the car to get serviced at Sears and they were all freaking out because 3rd oldest left cocaine somewhere in the car.

The mom had gone back to her maiden name on facebook but she still interacts with her (ex?) husband. And they all still all get together for holidays. I saw a couple of public pictures today of everybody and was just sickened by younger daughters near their pedo / abusive grandfather. I don't get it and it's not really for me to get, I guess. Everyone has their own fucked up family drama at varying levels.

I don't really feel any kind of way about this. I've wondered about how they all are in the past but have no need to reach out to rekindle anything.

[korrasamibottles]

Long tag game!! Thanks @nova-leaf @lilrobinbird for tagging me💖

How many tumblr accounts have you had before this one?

Just one! I made it in 2012 to look at Walking Dead and Supernatural gifs and eventually it just turned into a personal blog. I met two of my best friends there!! Unfortunately I'm locked out of it for now because I decided to be a responsible internet enjoyer and changed all my passwords and I uhh. I can't remember what I changed it to. And the email I used to sign up 12 years ago is long dead. So that blog might be gone forever. Life is a highway I'm gonna ride it all night long etc. etc.

How long have you been in fandom?

I had really intense Supernatural and MCU phases back in the day, and binged TLOK and ATLA in 2015 after the Korra finale (I watched Korra first and then atla, and I maintain that's the best way to do it😌) but I never really participated in the fandom, like I never talked to anyone or made anything. So I'm gonna say I've been in fandom since summer 2023 when I made this blog to post my tlok fic (couldn't post it on my old one. My face is/was all over it. You understand.) Everyone I've interacted with here is like. Shockingly nice. Idk why I expected to be beaten with hammers but umm it didn't happen so thank you all for that💖

Your favorite trope in fiction?

AND THERE WAS ONLY ONE BED!!!!! Also rivals coming together to fight a common enemy and then maybe coming together in a different way.....? That's good too.

Your favorite random fact?

There are vast, delicate fungal networks in the earth beneath our feet right now as we speak :) They wrap around tree roots and spread far and wide, connecting multiple trees with each other and allowing them to share water and nutrients. This is especially helpful for saplings, which often aren't able to get enough sunlight to make their own sugars. The fungal network helps ensure the survival of young trees, and in exchange it gets a share in the nutrients being passed between the trees!!!

Your favourite game or kind of game?

Saw trap.

A place you’d like to visit? (If carbon emissions, logistics and money weren’t in question)

Oh god literally anywhere. I want to get marinated in every culture and environment I think that would blow my mind in the best way. I do want to make it to Italy specifically at some point in my life because apparently I have cousins there? But then again what if they're weird and I don't actually want to meet them.....

An animal you’re irrationally afraid of?

I can't really think of any? As a kid I was terrified of big dogs, but that fear is like 99% gone now. Sometimes other people have their dogs off leash in the woods and I gotta say. I Do Not Like It when they come running up snarling barking jumping with their hair raised at me. But the vast majority of dogs are I encounter are nice, and when they aren't I just try to ignore them and keep walking lol.

What’s your favourite season?

Autumn 10000% and then winter. Then spring. Then summer. I hate being hot.

A smell that brings you nice memories?

So maybe this is weird but I really like the way horses smell? I was a farm girl growing up and always loved horses....a horse bit the top of my head once...a different horse broke my arm......still love them.

(If you’re ok talking about food. If not, delete this part) What’s your favorite food from where you were born? And what’s your favorite food from some place else?

My mom's Italian so it was all pasta all the time growing up...lasagna😭 Also chicken cacciatore but the pasta isn't the main event there. But yeah. Pasta tomato garlic basil.....I'm there babiee.

I'm also obsessed with Indian food and there's a place near me that has a vegetable korma that makes me cry.

What’s your favorite drink (if you drink alcohol, alcoholic and non-alcoholic)?

I don't drink alcohol anymore but I loooooooved rum & coke. Also hard cider.

As for regular drinks. I am 75% fruit juice by volume at all times.

Do you give your pets random table scraps?

My cat is a huge freak who turns her nose up at human food like she's literally too good for it. Sometimes I'll offer her a piece of cheese and she'll lick it, but that's it.

I don't know who has and hasn't been tagged already so if you want to do this. Do it🫵

[tilltheendwilliwrite]

Reflections

Chapter Five

Master List / Real People Master List / Reflections Master List

Pairing: Mia MacAlsdair x Au Tom Hiddleston

Warnings: language, misconceptions, 18+ Minors do not interact

A/N: I apologize in advance should my Scottish/English interpretations be incorrect. I am Canadian playing in a world of my own making. Do not @ me.

**I do not tag. **To be notified of updates and new works, subscribe to me or the story on AO3 for email notification, or follow the library blog @tilltheendwilliwrite-library  with notifications turned on so you’re not missing out. An account is required to access my work on AO3. For more information on how to get your FREE AO3 account, see this post.

~

It took a couple of weeks to put Kip's commission together. In that time, Mia fell into a routine that suited her so well that the last of the stress and stiffness seeped from her shoulders. She slept deeply; if she dreamed, she didn't remember them upon waking, usually with the sun, thanks to two little rascals that liked to pounce on her hair. 

The kittens would follow her as she got up, dressed, ran a brush through her hair, and headed to the kitchen to put the coffee on and give them breakfast. 

Cora lived off the kitchen in a suite of rooms that suited her fine. They were former servants' quarters renovated from five smaller rooms into three bigger ones. She had a lovely bright bedroom, a lounge, and her own bathroom. She insisted it was all the space she needed, but Mia still invited her to use the rest of the house as she pleased. The television in the drawing room was large and modern, and Cora used it during the day to watch her shows. 

When Mia asked how Cora came to work for her grandparents, she discovered she started shortly after marrying her husband. 

Alfred Bailey, a young police officer, swept her off her feet. It was love at first sight. They married within months of meeting and lived in a small flat in Kelso, but Cora jumped at the chance when the request for a cook and housekeeper went out from Ashwood Farm.

It was a ten-minute walk from town, less than that by car, an easy commute. Cora worked for the MacAlasdair family through all three of her children's births, the last being especially hard when Alfred was killed in the line of duty. 

As a young, single mother, she said she would have lost her mind if not for Lorna and Douglas, Mia's grandparents. They welcomed her to bring her children, allowed her boys to grow up with the MacAlasdair's sons as if they were cousins, and bought their first rental property so Cora would have a home for her family that didn't feel like charity. 

The story plagued Mia's mind afterward, something she thought about on her morning walk around the fields and along the river. 

Once the coffee finished perking and her travel mug was full, Mia headed out to walk the perimeter fence. The stone wall was easy enough to follow, and there were gates along the route she opened and closed behind her.  

This morning, there was a misty bit of drizzle, but Mia turned up her collar, pulled her hood over her hair, and struck off in her flower-covered wellies. 

Jasper and Eddie almost immediately joined her, and she scratched them behind the ear, happy for the company.

The dreich day matched her mood as she walked over the emerald green grass. 

"If they were so nice to Cora, why did they have such a hard time with my mom?" Mia wondered aloud, not for the first time. 

Neither dog gave her an answer, just trotted off to sniff down burrow holes.

It didn't make sense to her. They were clearly good people. Why be so cruel to their only remaining son? What was she missing in all this? Obviously, there was a part of the story Cora didn't know, but in all the paperwork she signed for Fergus, not one letter of explanation was among the documents. 

Covid took her grandparents suddenly. Maybe they didn't think it would happen. Maybe they thought they would have time to explain in person. Unfortunately, time was a fickle thing.

The quorking of ravens caused her to look up and smile at the three sitting in the tree. 

Mia drew a plastic bag she stashed dog food in from her pocket and sprinkled some along the top of the stone fence. She'd done so every day since she started her morning hike and noticed they waited for her now. They flew down to feast shortly after she walked away, no longer so suspicious of her intentions. But they only distracted her from her frustrations for so long. 

She'd gone through all the papers in her grandfather's office, a monumental task, but there was nothing there. Her next step would be to tear through the attic. Maybe her grandmother kept a diary that would explain. Even as she thought it, Mia resigned herself to the idea that she might never have all the answers. 

The soft thud of hooves had her looking up to the hillside. Highpark Castle sat in its stately stone glory, perched atop rolling green hills like a jewel at the top of a crown. 

She knew Highpark was home to a stud farm from conversations she had with people around town. She watched as a man rode by on a magnificent horse every day on her walk. Some days, it was black, others red, white, or some combination of the four, but she could tell even at a distance, the person on the horse's back was always the same. 

He sat tall, comfortable, his body and hands relaxed. She couldn't make out his face, but his general shape reminded her of Kip. 

She turned to lean on the stones and sip her coffee, watching as the man rode by at a slow gallop. It was a pleasant way to start her day, as the horses were beautiful.

"Do ye ken how to ride?"

Mia jumped, almost threw her coffee cup, and spun around, her free hand pressed to her pounding heart. "Dammit, Henry! You scared a year off my life!"

A smirk twitched his lips. "Didnae intend to, but ye were pretty focused on Hiddleston there."

She frowned. "Hiddleston? You mean Kip?"

"Nah, the other one." His brows pulled together. "Ye met Kip?"

"And Emma and her boys at the market. I'm doing a painting for him of his fiancée."

The scowl deepened. "Ye should stay away from Highpark."

"Why?" Mia frowned. "I'm heading up there today to drop off Kip's painting and have tea with Emma."

Henry stepped closer, his eyes intense. "They're not yer kind of people."

Mia snorted. "My kind of people? What the hell does that mean?" 

"They're snobs. Yer not."

Mia stared before barking a laugh. "I met them. They're nice! Emma was warm and welcoming. Kip flirted, but I think that's just how he is. He could probably flirt with air."

The scowl deepened on Henry's face. "Kip's a skirt chaser, always has been. Emma's fine, the only decent one of the lot, but stay away from Tom. He's a right dobber. He's not worth yer time."

Mia didn't know what a dobber was, but she suspected it wasn't a good thing. "While I appreciate the concern, I'll make my own decisions about any of the Hiddlestons if or when I interact with them. I don't make decisions based on others' recommendations regarding people. It's not my way."

Some of the thunderous clouds brewing around him lifted. "Is this another of yer 'I'm Canadian' things?"

Mia chuckled, relieved he didn't look so angry anymore. "Probably." Obviously, he had a history with the eldest Hiddleston, but it wasn't Mia's place to ask. 

"Canna join ye on yer dander?" he asked, nodding toward the path. 

Mia shrugged, strolling away from the fence now that the man and his horse were gone. "Sure. What did you ask me before?"

"Do ye ken how to ride?"

Mia laughed. "Horses? Hell, no. I was a city kid."

"Ye seem to like 'em."

She shot him a grin. "I'm female. Don't all girls love horses at some point in their life?"

Henry chuckled. "Point taken. Though not all. My sister never got on with 'em."

"You have a sister?" Mia had no idea. Cora never mentioned it. 

"Had. She passed on when she was sixteen, and I was twenty."

Mia didn't ask. The storm clouds were back on his face, and his tone clearly said he wouldn't discuss it. 

Instead, she sipped her coffee. "I wouldn't mind learning. I imagine riding is very freeing."

"Aye, it can be. Yer grandma, she rode. Shame that they died 'cause of the pandemic."

"You knew them well?" Mia asked as she opened the gate between the fields. 

"Worked here twenty years afore they passed. Yer grandad was a good man. Before he got sick, he talked about yer da a lot."

Mia glanced up, but he was looking out across the field. "Did they ever say why they fell out?"

Henry shook his head. "Just that they regretted it. When they learned of yer parents passing, it broke something in them. Sometimes, Lorna would be out in the garden and just stop and greet. And Douglas drank on every anniversary. The regret nearly drove them to an early grave. I think it was only searching for ye that kept 'em going."

"I'm not sure how to marry the two sides of all this," Mia admitted. "I didn't even know I had grandparents. My parents never said anything. I always just assumed Dad's parents were dead like Mom's. We used to visit her parents at the cemetery a few times a year, and I kept going back after they passed because that's where Mom and Dad are buried. I guess I assumed Dad's parents were buried somewhere too far away to visit."

She knew he was originally from Scotland; the accent was hard to miss, but she didn't think much about it at eleven. After, she lived in a world of grief, disbelief, confusion, and pain, tossed into a system that was already overloaded and struggling. She'd dealt with her grief mostly alone for the first few years, then ended up in a home where Maria was beyond kind and did what she could to help Mia talk it out. Unfortunately, it was a temporary placement, and Mia couldn't stay with her. 

"I canna speak to what happened, Mia, but they were sorry for it. I think they were sorry from the moment Callum left."

"Did you know him? My dad?" she asked. 

Henry shook his head. "He was twelve, fifteen years older. Already up and gone by the time I was a teen."

Mia sighed. "No worries. I didn't think so."

They walked on in silence, watching the dogs root and sniff until they flushed a rabbit and gave chase. 

Henry whistled hard, calling them off and back to his side. 

"I never did learn to do that."

He frowned at her. "Eh?"

"Whistle," Mia chuckled. "I can't whistle."

"Fuck up! Yer haverin' out yer arse!"

Mia blinked, deciphered that to mean he didn't believe her but more in a surprised, haha, you're joking, kind of way and shrugged. "Nope. Never learned."

He muttered under his breath, words she had no hope of understanding as Mia was pretty sure they weren't any sort of English and shot her a glare.

"Ye just purse yer lips and blow," he grumbled. "Ain't hard."

While she knew that was a saying made famous by an old black-and-white movie, Mia couldn't grasp which one, making it impossible to tease him over the reference.

Still, she pursed her lips and blew, sending spit flying, and blushed in embarrassment. "And that's why I don't whistle," she chuckled.

He arched an amused brow before stopping and turning to face her. Mia mirrored him, curious, but was knocked speechless when he grasped her chin in his big hand and squeezed her cheeks, forcing her lips to purse. "Gotta pucker more. Like yer waiting on a nip."

Stunned by his forwardness, Mia stupidly asked, "What's a nip?"

Before she could guess, he dropped his head with very clear intentions, his gaze locked on her mouth. 

Mia jerked backward in surprise, her hands firm against his chest. "Henry? What do you think you're doing?"

His eyes widened, his hand fell away, and he stepped back. "Acting the bam, apparently."

Mia didn't know what that meant and sighed in frustration. But there was red in his cheeks, quickly spreading, obviously embarrassed by her enthusiastic rejection. 

"Look, Henry," she murmured, but he shook his head. 

"Naw, you dinnae need to say it. I read something in that wasn't there."

Again, Mia sighed. "Unfortunatley. I'm sorry if I was giving off signals, as they weren't intentional. I just got out of a five-year relationship that should have ended at four, and while I like you, I… I don't see you that way."

"I figured. And ye weren't, given signals, that is. But yer a braw lass, sweet and generous. Soon enough, the other fellas will start calling. I figured I'd tip my hand first. I apologize for diving in like marr's meat." He nodded and turned to go. 

"I know it's cliche, but can we still be friends?" Mia asked, worried she'd fucked up one of the few relationships she had here.

He grinned and tipped his head. "Friends. Aye. Ye didnae do anything wrong saying no, Mia. And if some wank Canadian shitebag said otherwise, then glad I am yer no longer over there."

Mia chuckled and motioned for him to join her again. "Wank Canadian shitbag. Alright, I can roll with that."

"Thought ye might," he snickered, keeping a foot of distance between them now.

She knew it would take time for the embarrassment to fade, but she did like the gruff, grumbly man. He was sweet in a roundabout kind of way one had to get used to, but that didn't mean she wanted to see him naked. 

Right now, she didn't want to see anyone naked and changed the subject to something safe. 

"So, riding lessons?"

He grinned, and she knew, eventually, they would be okay.

~

Mia pulled up in front of the freaking castle and stared at the three-story monstrosity. 

She'd driven Henry's truck, a beat-up, rusty old thing with a temperament like a cantankerous grandfather, but as it was a short trip up to Highpark, she figured it was a good time to practice driving on the left. 

It also looked like it would soak them at any moment, the sky dense and dark with heavy clouds. She would not risk the work she put into Kip's commission with a possible rain storm and asked to use the vehicle. There was her grandparent's car, but the size of the commission made getting it in the vehicle questionable. 

However, along with not risking the rain, she wasn't willing to put Henry in the awkward position of taking her up to Highpark when he wanted nothing to do with the Hiddleston family. Nor did she want to lock herself in the vehicle with him after their "moment" this morning. 

Cora eventually bribed him with pie, and Mia left with the keys before he could change his mind.

But when she drove up to the lower gate and found a guard in the little guard house, it gave her pause. She hadn't expected that. Still, when he asked her the nature of her business, she said she was there to see Emma and gave her name. He told her to follow the gravel drive around to the right and the signs for 'staff only.' and to use the entrance beneath the porte cochere on the eastern wing. 

Before arriving, Mia had to pause to take stock of the fact she was driving up to and about to have tea in a freaking Scottish castle. 

"What even is my life?"

Gentle laughter echoed in her head. 

"Don't even. You could have warned me about Henry," she muttered to the annoying Mischief God, who took extra delight in teasing her about her admirer. 

Where's the fun in that, girl?

Mia rolled her eyes and drove on to stop beneath the stone overhang. 

Driving under a mountain of precariously balanced rock was a bit intimidating. Sure, the pillars and archways looked substantial, but two stories of stone and windows still perched on top of them. 

You're stalling.

"You're an ass." 

But he was also correct. She was stalling because the potential to meet him, the Tom Hiddleston, the man she admired for his work as Loki, was anxiety-inducing. That he gave it up to come home and look after his family said a lot about him as a person outside of his fame. 

With a deep breath, Mia climbed out of the truck and walked around to maneuver the painting from the passenger seat gently. It was a good-sized portrait with a three-inch carved wooden frame Mia stripped, sanded, and stained a lovely ebony. She wrapped it in bubble wrap, covered it in brown paper, and tied a pretty piece of twine around it. 

Maybe it wasn't very posh to be packing into a castle, but Kip would get what she would give him. 

These last few weeks were incessant with his emails and texts. She learned he had a wicked sense of humour that wouldn't quit. He described himself as a 'cheeky bastard' and said his fiancée couldn't wait to meet the woman who could not only put up with him but also hand it back so easily. 

Serina sounded delightful. She knew Mia was making something for Kip, though he'd kept the gift on the down-low and was excited to give it to her. As Serina was away for the next few days visiting family with the baby, and Kip was needed at the estate, now was the perfect time to deliver her present. 

It wasn't until Mia was halfway up the stairs that she realized she could not knock with her hands full and wasn't sure if castles had doorbells one could press with their elbow. She resigned herself to kicking the door in an uncouth manner when the door swung open before she reached the top, revealing a beaming Emma and her two rambunctious boys.

"I didn't think the lady of the castle answered her own door," Mia teased, causing Emma to laugh. 

"She does when the gate gives her enough notice to shoo off everyone else!" 

Chuckling, Mia set Kip's painting down gently. "Not to be the weird foreigner, but shoes? On? Off?"

Emma giggled. "Oh! On is fine. Why?"

"Sorry, I just never know. We don't have places like this in Canada, and there, you're unlikely to be welcome back if you walk through someone's house with your shoes on. But when most of the country is covered in snow for upwards of two-thirds of the year, tracking wet through someone's house is just yucky."

"I suppose it would be," Emma grinned. "We have our wet and muck, too, but we do a scrape and scuff. Unless you're mud to your knees, right boys?" she said, eyeing her sons. 

"Yes, Mum!" they groaned, rolling their eyes, having heard this lecture before. 

"Da always has to take off his boots 'cause they've the horse's shite on them, right, Mum?" Calvin, the younger one, announced gleefully.

"Brat," she chuckled. "Yes, Da has to take his smelly wellies off, but what have I said about repeating the bad words your father uses?"

"That I should say I learned them from Uncle Kip when Granny Adair asks."

Mia snorted and covered her mouth, not wanting to encourage him by laughing if he was sassing back.

Emma shook her head, but her lips also twitched. "Calvin."

He grinned like he was a pure delight, causing his brother to snicker. 

"You pair," Emma chuckled, turning back to Mia. "Feel free to laugh."

Swallowing hard, Mia shook her head. "I don't know what you mean. Wasn't funny at all." She held out for six seconds before the crushed look on Calvin's face had her busting a gut. 

"Oh, man!" she wiped the tears from her cheeks. "You're face!"

"I like her," Keegan snickered, leaning against his mom. 

Mia wasn't sure which parent he took after, having yet to meet Emma's husband, but he had the bright blue eyes of his mother and her dark hair, too. And Calvin was his match in every way, almost as if they were carbon copies of each other at different ages. 

"Good, because I like her too," Emma smiled, her gaze dropping to Mia's parcel. "Is that Kip's commission?"

Mia nodded. 

"Can I see it? Please!" she begged. 

"He swore me to secrecy and said he wanted to see it first. He even threatened to come by my studio, but I told him I'd set the dogs on him if he did." 

The dogs were less likely to bite than Mia, so it was a hollow threat, but it kept him out of her business. Besides, she knew he was just bored or attempting to escape whatever duties his brother appointed him. 

She checked out the website for Highpark after seeing a flyer for an upcoming event in a store window in town. The castle was open to the public four days a week, hosted everything from birthday parties to balls, and held town events for all the major holidays. 

It sounded fun but also like a lot of work when you added the cafe, grounds, and tours that tramped around their house. 

"Bollocks," Emma muttered. "I was hoping you'd sneak me a peek so I could rub it in later."

Mia chuckled. They evidently had quite the relationship. "I would, but he's paying me."

"Too true!" she laughed just as her phone rang. "Bloody hell," she sighed. "I have to take this, but if you head down that hall, turn left at the end, and go through the second door on the right, you'll find Kip with Tom."

Mia's heart jumped. "Oh, I can wait for you if-"

Emma waved her off. "No, no! The boys and I will wait for you here." 

As she already had the phone pressed to her ear, Mia sighed, picked up Kip's portrait, and headed down the hall. By the time she reached the end, she'd worked up a bit of a sweat. Mirrors this size weren't light, and the frame didn't help. 

Still, she pressed on, turned the corner, and breathed a sigh of relief when she found the second door on the right open. 

Hesitating in the doorway, Mia tried not to gape at the large, wood-panel... office? Den? She wasn't sure what to call it. All she knew was it screamed mancave with the dark, brooding feel, heavy leather furniture, and enormous desk backed by a wall of bookshelves. 

At the desk, two tawny heads bent over some papers, one sitting, the other on his feet. 

Mia cleared her throat and called, "Knock knock?"

Both looked up, and the resemblance was uncanny. Tom's hair was longer, curling over his forehead and ears, and he was clean-shaven, but that was where the physical differences ended. 

Kip grinned as he stood from the desk and rounded the corner to greet her. 

Tom's scowl didn't waver. 

"Mia, darling!" Kip leaned down and kissed her cheek. "I've missed you terribly."

"Oh, I'm sure. I haven't had fifteen emails today reminding me you were waiting. You must be heartsick with loneliness," she snorted. "However did you keep yourself from rushing to meet me at the steps?"

Kip barked a laugh and ushered her into the room. "Didn't I tell you she was aces?"

"You did," Tom stated gruffly, remaining by the desk. He looked so happy to meet her; she was shocked he wasn't jumping for joy.

Mia cleared her throat, disconcerted. He was wickedly handsome, as she expected, but his attitude stunk. "Nice to meet you."

"That's it?" Kip scowled. "Nice to meet you?"

She shot him a shut the hell up glare as he prodded her toward the desk where she crouched to set down her work. When she popped back up, she turned her back on the so pleasant older Hiddleston, who looked like he wanted to pat her down to ensure she wasn't stealing the silverware and smiled at Kip.

"I hope it's everything you hoped for."

"My sweet Canuk! You are a gem among women!" Kip announced, sweeping her into a hug that somehow turned into an impromptu dance she failed at miserably, setting them both laughing. 

Mia shook her head and shoved him playfully. "You haven't even seen it yet, you nut!" 

He bowed grandly to her. "Oh, beautiful artisan! I am certain that when I gaze upon your fabulous creation, I will be struck down with awe and wonder at your magnificence." He glanced up and smirked. "Cash for the remainder is okay?"

She giggled, unable to help herself. He was such a card but so over the top that she knew he didn't mean a damn thing by his flirting. "Cash is fine."

He rose and patted his pants pockets. "Bugger it. I left my wallet upstairs. Tom, be useful and entertain Miss MacAlasdair while I run up."

He was gone before Mia could say he could catch her with Emma and sighed. By the waves of cold coming from the man standing statue at the desk, she was pretty damn sure he didn't want her there.

Mia turned and attempted to force a smile, but his bristly nature shot her anxiety into the stratosphere. "Um, I'll be around a bit longer, off with Emma for, for tea. Kip can find me th-"

He cut her off before she could finish. "Do you make a habit of it?" 

Mia frowned as he dropped his arms and took a menacing step toward her. "Habit of what?"

He stalked across the room using the same ground-eating grace he had as Loki. "Flirting and fawning like a strumpet over men who are else wise engaged?"

Shocked, Mia's jaw dropped. "I beg your pardon?"

His lip curled into a disgusted sneer. "Kip hasn't shut up about you since he met you at the market. How desperate and despicable do you have to be to attempt to steal a man whose fiancée just had their first child?"

"Wow," she whispered. "You're unbelievable." She turned to walk away, but he grabbed her by the elbow. "Remove your hand before I make you remove it."

He released her as if she burned, but his hatred raged in his eyes. "What you're doing is unforgivable."

"Gods," she huffed, rolling her eyes. "You're so wrong you couldn't find right if it was lit with a neon sign. Look, bud, I get you're protecting your brother, but you can fuck all the way off to fuck off mountain. It's located in western Canada in the Rockies, so make sure to pack some long underwear so your ass doesn't turn into ice."

She stalked off, so mad she could spit, but paused when she reached the door to grasp the knob and glare one last time at a man she once admired. "They always say never meet your heroes, for they are doomed to disappoint." 

She flipped him the middle finger and stepped out, slamming the door behind her. 

Practically seething, Mia stormed down the hall to the entrance, where Emma was still on the phone, and her boys were chasing each other around the foyer. 

She looked up at Mia's arrival, but her welcoming smile fell from her face. "I have to call you back." Emma hung up without waiting for a reply and chased after Mia as she headed for the door. "Mia? What happened? Where are you going?"

"I'm sorry, Emma, but I can't stay. Your brother is an absolute asshole. Can we do this another day?"

"Yes, of course, but what did Kip do? He said you got on smashing?" she worried, trotting after Mia. 

"Not Kip. Kip is lovely, a flirt and utterly ridiculous ninety-nine percent of the time but always a gentleman. Tom, however, needs a good hard kick in the bal- bottom!" she corrected, remembering the young ears listening intently. 

"Oh, fuck! What did he do?" Emma demanded, slamming her hands to her hips. 

Mia paused at the door, looked down at the stormy face of her friend in the making and sighed. "He accused me of trying to get with Kip."

"What!" she shrieked. "Oh, that-" She screamed and shook her fists at the ceiling before taking Mia gently by the arm. "I see. Yes, we can do this late-"

A crack of thunder so loud caused the door to rattle before lightning lit up the sky. 

"Mia," Emma cautioned when the lights flickered. 

She shook her head. "It's not far. I'll be fine, and I'll drive slow."

"It can be very unsafe to drive-"

Mia yanked open the door. "I'll be fine. We have some aggressive weather where I'm from, too. I'll text you when I get home!"

Before Emma could stop her, she ran out the door to Henry's truck. 

"Mia!" 

She waved, slammed the door, and turned the key. When it turned over and started on the first go, she thanked all the Gods and drove out of the porte cochere into the torrential downpour. 

Next Chapter

[formulax]

a call, where nothing in particular is really resolved: a first person present tense venture into sibling dynamics

I come to the realization, after a few rounds of ringing, that I am calling my sister. I come to the realization also that it was somehow an automatic response to look for her number in my phone, out of everyone else I could have possibly called. Why not call Claire? It is something I don’t immediately understand—and then I realize, I know Claire can’t help me here. Only Jenny Monroe can help me here, which is a sentence I did not expect to think to myself anytime soon.

It takes a moment for Jenny to pick up the phone. It’s nearing ten o’clock at night, and I don’t know how late she stays up. So I lean forward, bounce my leg, and wait.

“Chris, is everything okay?” She picks up. Her voice is tired, but forming a nervous tone that seems to wake her up just enough. “Is something wrong? What’s wrong?”

“Nothing’s—don’t worry. Don’t freak out,” I say. The words stumble ungracefully from my mouth. “I’m just... calling.”

There is a pause. “Why?”

“I’m alone in the... I don’t know. Lauren’s out with friends. I don’t know.” It’s hard to vocalize what I want; I hardly even know what I want.

I hear a sigh, and then some rustling. “Okay. I’ll go to the living room. Kevin’s out like a light,” she says. She doesn’t seem irritated, but it’s hard for me to tell.

“Did I wake you up?” I ask, pulling at a stray thread on my pajama bottoms.

“No, I wasn’t sleeping yet. Mom sent a text about me hosting the next party.” Here, her voice drops. I huff, intentionally audible, and roll my eyes. Jenny clicks her tongue in disapproval. “Don’t do that, Chris. I know we’re not letting them boss us around, but mom has arthritis, she can’t cook and host like she used to. I still want to be nice.”

“You hate cooking,” I remind her, my eyebrows raised. I lean back on the couch, put my feet up on the coffee table. “You always start yelling at people when you cook.”

“Kevin tells me that every time too. Am I really that bad?”

“And you get a little insane when you host.”

“What—what does that mean?”

I find a memory immediately, and pull it forward. I have been sitting on it for a while, as one of my best Jenny stories. “I remember once, you shoved a drink into my hand and told me to have fun or else you’d fucking kill me.”

“I don’t... remember that.”

I grin, and laugh. “You probably blacked out,” I joke. Jenny doesn’t laugh, and we sit in silence for a few seconds. My smile fades. “Jen? Should I not have brought it up?”

“Oh, no, I—I just—I’m sorry I said that,” she mutters. I get the sense that she is not ready to joke about herself, not totally. I’m not sure I’d be ready to joke about myself, either. I scramble for my next words.

“Look—do what you want, but don’t let mom guilt trip you into doing something that will make you upset. Marnie can host the party. Or Sam. I could go on,” I tell her, recalling our similar-aged cousins.

“Have you seen the newest pictures of Marnie’s twins? I can’t believe they’re six now! I’ll—I’ll email them to you.” Jenny swerves the conversation, and for a moment I consider bringing it back. But I see no reason to keep pushing, and so, I let it go.

“I would love to see the newest JCPenney photoshoot pictures of cousin Marnie’s twins. I love seeing the annoyed looks on their little six year old faces, in their corny little coordinated outfits. It’s adorable,” I drone, smiling again. This time, Jenny lets out a chuckle.

“Shut up. They’re cute kids.”

“Right, right.” I shift again, to lay down on the couch. I stare at the ceiling, and start to notice my eyes drifting to one side. I grunt. “Shit.”

“What?”

I take off my glasses, and close my eyes as the full tilting effect hits me. “Vertigo, I moved too fast,” I groan, kicking my foot in defeat.

“Shit.” I can sense Jenny’s urge to speak through the phone. Just as I open my mouth to let her, she gives in. “Have you still not figured out anything that works for you? I thought Claire was supposed to—”

“Hey, hey, Jen. I’m fine. I’m getting better. She’s hooked me up with a type of physical therapy, and I think it’s helping. I...” I hesitate, not sure if I want to admit this quite yet. I sigh. “I might start thinking about driving soon.”

I get the reaction I just about expected. “What? Really? Are you sure? I mean—you haven’t driven in—and your vertigo, it’s—are you sure?” I can picture her biting her nails and frowning. I can also picture, of course, the same carnage she is picturing.

“I’m just thinking about thinking about it, don’t get too nervous, okay? I’d need to do lessons and tests, et cetera,” I try to reassure her. She pauses to think.

“...Okay.” I smile. She has changed a lot. “But I know you hate driving. You always hated driving.”

“No,” I correct her, “I hated driving with dad.”

“God, right.” Jenny huffs. “Why is it that our conversations always find their way back to our parents? We’ve got to have more in common than the people who raised us. At some point, passing these stories back and forth doesn't make me feel better anymore. Just worse. I don’t know about you.” Jenny speaks here with a determined anger, pronouncing words with harsh snaps. But then, she lets out a breath, and she softens. “Chris, why did you call me? Just for this?”

I open my eyes. The vertigo has passed. “I told you, I don’t really know. I just called. I’m waiting for Lauren to get home,” I say, frowning. But there is something more, I know it. I am reaching for something. For what? I grind my teeth as I try to search for it.

“Is it about Lauren? Are you nervous about her? Where is she?” Jenny’s questions are monotone, methodical, but she is asking them too quickly, and I can tell she’s unnerved.

“I... she’s driving around with friends. I want—I want her to come home. I want her to be home,” I say, laying a hand over my chest. My breaths grow shallow, and my eyes water. And suddenly, I have found the thing I was looking for, the missing emotion, the cause of my unrest. “Do you ever get that?”

“Oh.” Jenny pauses to sigh; it’s a heavy, burdened sigh. “Oh, Christopher, of course I get that. Do you know how hard it is not to call her, every hour, every day? She used to be just a room away.”

I inhale and wipe my eyes, before I let myself get any worse. “She’s having fun, I—I can’t just make her come back,” I reason, pausing for a response, for instructions. Jenny hums.

“No, you shouldn’t.”

“But when she’s not here, when I can’t see her, it feels like the end of the world!” Despite my vertigo, I have a sudden urge to stand; I obey it, and begin to pace and wave my free hand. “I’ve been trying to distract myself since she left, and I just—I can’t! I’m alone, in this house, and I can’t do anything but sit and wait, and drive myself insane, because when she’s not with me she’s not... with me!”

“Okay, Chris,” Jenny slows her voice into something calm and motherly, “you’re going to be okay. Both of you are going to be okay.”

“Jenny, don’t—” I laugh anxiously and bring a hand to my face, “don’t therapy me. Please. I am perfectly aware that I’m being irrational.”

“Well—” Jenny is trying hard, I can tell, not to get frustrated. “Well, Christopher, I’m not sure what else you want me to say, I mean...”

“You don’t need to fix it,” I shout, anxiety stirring my heart. I am aware on some level how ungraceful I’m acting, but the stress is pulling my filters down, and the regret comes after. I pinch the bridge of my nose and curse. “Sorry. Maybe I should hang up.”

“No—Chris, it’s fine. We can keep talking. You can keep talking.”

It’s an offer I didn’t expect from her, and for a few moments I can only be stunned. Every day, I find myself surprised by the human capacity for change. It’s a corny thought, but a true one nonetheless. And so, I say something cornier. Something that surprises me, about myself.

“I love you,” I say, and then I slump back onto the couch. I get nervous, embarrassed; I don’t want to let it hang for too long, don’t want to turn it into something significant, so I keep talking. My face is hot. The words spill out. “I feel so selfish, I feel like a bad parent, when I get like this. And I’ve been getting like this a lot since she’s gone back to school, it’s—it’s not even that I’m overly afraid of her getting hurt, or in some kind of trouble, I just... want to see her, I want to be in the same room with her, I want to know that she’s there and I don’t ever want her to leave and it makes me feel sick because I don’t want to be mom and dad, I don’t want to hover and suffocate and—and be so obsessed like they were but god, Jennifer, my chest feels so tight and I can’t breathe sometimes and I was away for so long and I have this need, this unrelenting, terrible need to be as close as possible or else I’ll fucking explode! God... dammit!”

I slump forward and drag a hand down my face as I pause to breathe. The other line is silent, for a few more seconds, but I don’t pay any mind to her silence. I let myself cry.

And then: “You’re not mom and dad.” It’s a quiet, hesitant statement, but Jenny’s tone rises easily. “You told me not to fix it, but you’re just not... mom and dad. And I’m only saying it because you’re being fucking stupid. And I love you, too.”

My body tenses, and something bubbles up to my throat, and then I let out a horrid, sudden cackle. I double over, hanging my head, and I laugh.

“Hey!” she snaps at me. “What’s so funny about that? What’s wrong with you?”

“I don’t—” I stomp my foot and cover my mouth. “I don’t know!”

“Stop fucking laughing you asshole—” She begins to giggle. “I’m being nice to you!”

“I know!” I force out some breaths. “It just feels so weird! Why am I calling you?”

“I don’t know, why did you call me?”

“Because you’re my sister, and—” I snort, “and I love you!”

Both of us burst into another round of violent laughter. My side begins to hurt, and I return to a sprawled out position on the couch. As I laugh, the bottled nervous energy drains from me, finding a new home as sound waves from my now-hoarse voice, bouncing around the dimly lit living room.

“Chris—Chris,” Jenny manages, finally. “Again, we’re back to goddamn mom and dad.”

I realize she’s right, and I scoff. “They haunt the dark recesses of our minds, Jen, of course we’re back to mom and dad,” I say, voice flat. I kick my feet up on the couch’s armrest.

“Well, I’m just saying, as someone who ended up parenting too much like them, I know what you’re saying. I think. In a way, but...”

“Alright. Am I fucked up?”

“Oh thoroughly.”

I smile. “Thanks, Jen.”

“For—for what?”

“I don’t know,” I admit, settling further into the couch. There’s a warmth in my chest, a cheesy fuzziness that makes me chuckle to myself again. The phone is quiet against my ear. I can tell she’s smiling too.

“I just want you to know, that this whole call is fucking disgusting.”

“Oh, it’s so gross.” I mock-gag. “Ew, feelings, let’s talk about cousin Marnie and her twins again in their little matching six year old outfits.”

“And her useless fucking husband,” Jenny spits, “that never lifts a fucking finger.”

I gasp and sit up. “Wait—what? Scott? I thought we liked Scott!”

“We do not fucking like Scott.”

“What happened, he was doing so good!”

“Weaponized. Incompetence.”

“Elaborate.”

[dredshirtroberts]

So.

So...

Either my dad finally really read the last thing I sent along, or he and mom are pissy because I'm only cutting off contact with the pair of them, and not my little sister. Regardless I finally have lost access to the old email address(es) as well as the family spotify subscription and I'm going to go ahead and assume the netflix access is gone as well. It only took him...2.5 weeks. Huh. Consistent.

Other than the consistent timing between when I state a boundary and when they test the boundary, the timing is....conspicuously suspicious.

You see, today is my little sister's birthday. And I sent her a happy birthday message. I have not sent any relevant messages to other family members yet this year, except for her and our cousin who shares the birthday, because i'm consistently bad at remembering birthdays except for like. a few. I'm doing steps to remember better but I'm just bad at it. I accidentally missed my aunt's birthday, but i deliberately skipped my mom's, and I wasn't going to do anything for dad's. I also hadn't done an iota for mother *or* father's day.

So maybe it was a little petty and strategic on my part to wish my sister Happy Birthday - but I sent it via normal text message. I had no reason to believe it would get back to my parents that I'd done it. And I doubt she realized that letting them know I was still in contact with *her* would piss them off enough to start the chain of removing me from the group family stuff. Like the email server.

The last time the two of them "checked" my boundary to make sure it was solid, I'd just unfriended them both on Facebook - not even blocking yet, just unfriending, and then all of the sudden messages from them very shortly thereafter. About 6 hours, actually.

Which is about how long it was between my sister acknowledging my message to her and when I started seeing my access getting removed from stuff.

Their patterns of behavior are unbelievably consistent, and frankly i'd be impressed if it wasn't always to my detriment.

Idk, I'm...hurt? I'm hurt. I mean I expected this to happen, which is why I spent a whole day going through all of my emails and accounts to double check what was assigned to which email address and changing it all as best I could. There were a couple things I couldn't figure out how to swap but like. At this point, there are other ways to get into contact with me, and frankly I just...can't care? not about that anyway.

It's more like...if this is what you were going to do, why didn't you do it right after I told you to fuck off? Why wait around? it's been posited that they likely thought they were holding some sort of power over me by being able to remove my access to those things but like...i already had alternatives? I already planned for this. I am 30 years old, and have access to all my own shit now (or access to other peoples' shit that they're willing to share with me), i don't actually like...need their help with those things?

Besides the fact that if I needed Help I would wait until the very last possible minute to ask for that help, because no one fucking helped me when i would ask before.

I don't know. I forgot I was doing this and stepped away and also started working on my resume so i can pay the like. 2 bills i have and get gas and maybe be able to buy myself nice things? idk.

i'm mad. i'm sad. i'm smad. i'm done. idk.

[themomsandthecity]

What Do You Mean You're a Baby Name Consultant?

Baby names have always been an important consideration for parents, but it feels as though there's more pressure than ever to pick the "perfect" one right now. As influencers enthusiastically share their discarded name ideas, an entire industry is popping up, with baby name consultants making careers out of nomenclature. Colleen Slagen, who's known as Naming Bebe online, is a mom of three who made the career switch from nurse to name consultant a little over year ago. Slagen says she's always loved baby names - long before they became a TikTok trend - and it's not just a hobby, it's an "obsession," she tells PS. As a child, Slagen would carefully scan all the names in her yearbooks and school phone books. "I can still remember what one of my fourth-grade teachers named her baby, and what the chemistry teacher named hers," she says. Coming up with baby names was even a favorite activity of hers and her cousins growing up. "I had a whole diary full of baby names." Where does that fascination come from? Slagen thinks it started out as just childlike daydreaming about her future family. "You name your dolls and it's fun, and then that evolves," she says. "When 'The Sims' came out I was obsessed with that." Slagen used to joke that if she could name babies for work, she would. "I never actually thought it would be a real thing." Slagen started to help name babies in an unofficial capacity once her friends started having kids. She received positive feedback, and during her own maternity leave in 2021, she started attracting some clients through a mom Facebook group. Once she began posting to TikTok, however, business boomed. She quit her job in 2023 to do name consultations full-time. "I wanted to take that leap and just go for it," Slagen adds. Slagen currently schedules about 15 consultations per month, although that number fluctuates based on the demands of her personal life, and consultations range in price from $250 to $400 depending on the package. But what does a consultation entail exactly? Slagen shares below. PS: Walk me through a typical consultation. Colleen Slagen: For the most part we're interacting via email. I started doing some face-to-face, video consultations right before I had my third baby in March, but I've put those on hold for now because they're just too difficult to schedule. First, I send parents a questionnaire and it's pretty detailed. I want to know mainly how they would describe their name style. The biggest clues for me are: what names do they like, are there any siblings and what are their names? Also, what are top contenders, and what are top names they like but can't use for some reason? That gives me a pretty good sense of their style, but we get into a lot of nuances: Are there certain sounds that are off limits? For a lot of people, if their last name ends in a long "e" sound, they don't want the first name to end the same way. Are there family names they wanna incorporate in some way? Is a name's meaning important to them? I recently had somebody give me three spreadsheets in response to the questionnaire. It was a lot to sift through. Narrowing down the options is part of it, but some people are stuck and don't have any ideas, or two partners can't agree. PS: How do you navigate that? CS: In the recommendations for a couple like that, I try to give a couple ideas that I think are geared toward each partner's style and then a couple ideas that could appeal to both. So, maybe that's a formal name that's a little traditional, like "Harrison" for example, but with a nickname like "Sonny" that's a little more kind of vintagey-modern. I do find a huge portion of the consult is really people wanting feedback on their list. Usually they have a name that they like, but they have some holdup with it and they want an objective opinion. There's a little more anxiety around baby names these days with social media. You announce it to a world that's way bigger… https://www.popsugar.com/family/baby-name-consultant-interview-49370740?utm_source=dlvr.it&utm_medium=tumblr

[lifeofagirlnameddan]

This Life (Prt 2)

(I've reached my word limits whoops) So where was I? Ah yes, so I said my goodbyes and asked Cat for one last favor. If he could contact my cousin to let her know I was at the park waiting for her. After that she found me and I broke down in her arms, I gave the man back his phone and thanked him for bringing me to my cousin. (by the way same one I've been mentioning all this time) She took me back to her place and we explained to her parents (Leaving out the fact that I rode a motorbike and had a grab driver drive me here, they all still believe I walked all the way there and got through the security guards of the subdivision) They took me in and told my dad what happened, my dad then told my mom where I was... I refused to go home so I stayed in their house for almost a month. I was getting quite used to living with her... But mom called me back home despite me not wanting to. I felt ashamed, unloved, and all that shmuck. Anyway she still came to get me and I was brought home, we spoke and cleared things up. Oh yes I am still in trouble. But she forgave me anyway. It was a very constant reminder that...She as a mother forgives me despite the fact I've done this multiple times, its always a guy! But I did my best to make it up to her and win her trust back. Six months passed and I still haven't reached out to anyone, I wanted to continue writing my stories so I did, I was in my google docs and...I kind of missed talking to my friends J and A (A is a girl I've been friends with since 4th grade all the way to grade 6, then I left for homeschool right? Well as soon as we turned grade 8 She followed along and went homeschooling, there was a time that I couldn't handle J's art requests so I referred him to A and my cousin, the four of us clicked and we've been friends ever since) But I wasn't able to talk to them after the whole problem right? So my cousin became my messenger, I'd send her emails and messages to relay to J and A, until we decided to just lay it all out on a google docs, I was in my Harry Potter phase that time so I joked about my cousin being my owl, and the google docs sheet as the Owl inventories... That name stuck ever since. We would chat there, IN GDOCS! and we would write stories together and all that. Soon after I was allowed a phone a g a i n, this time I can be trusted! I spoke to my friends in Instagram, (We call ourselves the Owls!) then we got to making a discord server, and eventually we all just grew closer and closer, It seemed like life is brighter now in a way... 2022 was ending soon, and my mom wanted me to go back to a regular school before senior high, so grade 10 I enrolled in a school that... I attended when I was 4 years old from Nursery until 2nd grade (Context I've been to 3 schools in all my life so far. 1st school was Nursery to 2nd grade, 2nd school was 3rd to 6th grade, Homeschool 7th-9th and then going back to the 1st school for grade 10) So I did, and you'll never guess what happened after...

July 2022

Before school started (It starts September) I joined a free workshop lyrics writing class, there I met Teacher R. He was a kind old teacher whose been teaching there for years (Actually they said he was my old music teacher but I dont remember him at all) In that class was my one other face to face classmate, F. At first I thought F was a teacher, nevermind he was a 12th grader! Not only that he was the Student Council President, Class President and Top student! So wow I thought, I get to meet and be friends with someone who would give me advantage to adjust in this school life again hooray...I thought we were equal when it came to music...nevermind he played ukulele, guitar, he can sing...and play the piano! When he played the piano my competitiveness arose, and I asked who taught him... It was none other than Teacher R! So I asked him to be my teacher, and I took up piano lessons, so starting every Tuesdays and Thursdays after class, I'll head down to the school's piano room for my piano lessons...

Sept2022-2023

I return to my old school, wow did it look familiar at the same time all so different! When did they install an elevator?! I thought wow cool, I'm probably gonna like it here, I found out that some of my old friends I've known since what--diapers? Nursery! Were still there, most of them were still there and only a few unfamiliar faces. I was a returnee student so some of them knew me and some didn't, There was also a new girl who enrolled along with me, Y. She's a Japanese girl who came to our country to study English. Problem is... This school require students to study CHINESE. Me and Y became classmates for our Chinese classes, with that we became good friends. After Chinese class I would go down to the piano room and she would follow along and hang around while I'm learning. A few days of that happened and eventually another girl approaches me, she's Cz. She became a really good friend to me and honestly I love her. The piano room soon filled with more new friends, the most frequent one who tend to make it their routine to join me as I take my piano lessons was Y, Cz, S, Rat, and Ax. Oh they were such fun friends but there was a growing problem... I started becoming really close with S... thats bad, i denied anything and said oh of course we're just friends (We were....WE ARE! Its just theres a bit of something?) And the problem was... Cz also started to like S! SO OH NO-- Two for one is not a good deal guys... So many problems happened but me and Cz never fought, we would give away our desires and would step back for the sake of the others happiness. S on the other hand was confused. S liked me (i didn't know that) and I liked S. We hung out together in a mall (Was it a date--) after that I didn't feel like it was working and Ax was just putting thoughts in my head that confused me all the more... So I distanced myself and Cz confessed to S... Confused, S confessed back to Cz and they became mu. They didn't date, but it was painful to see them so close together before... Eventually Cz realized she didn't like guys who liked her back (Red flag behavior but I love her back off, I'll protect her with my life) And we all took time to sort things out, eventually Me and S became friends again and got closer and closer, bonding over cosplay and anime and we planned to go to a con with a group of friends. So we did. We went to the con and we've been establishing that no feelings, just friends, just friends and nothing else... That con is a curse. The place was crowded, the lines were long, the sun was shining and it was really hot. From the lines the sun hit my eyes...ah...S gave me his jacket to cover my head... Okay thanks... As the line moves we were getting tired standing for hours to get in, S leaned on my backpack... his arms draped around my shoulders, (was I blushing or its just the heat) We got in and we stayed to watch a valorant match. Ah oh no... we got separated from our group of friends, we push our way through the crowds...I hold on to his backpack. It's really hard to do navigate this way... He took my hand and said it's just so we won't get lost. Ah so our friends are on the second level of the building, and there is only two escalators on each side, and both have really...really...really...long lines. So we stayed lining up, tired so tired... He was basically hugging my neck as he leans on me, oh my mind was racing indeed. we're just friends, we're just friends, we're just friends,we're just friends... In my head I would fight my battles, everytime his hand brushed my shoulder I would ask him what is he doing? You know what he'd do? (He's an MMA enthusiast, He loves to box, wrestle, sword fight, do martial arts and stuff) He'd CHOKE HOLD ME JOKINGLY Like I will bite your arm if you do that one more time! We're such goofy friends, I liked our dynamic, we understand one another... I like his personality... His laugh... everytime he would geek out and ramble on about robots, swords, video games and anime I just couldn't help but listen and find him interesting.

[versaceeevixen]

Seven Stages of... Ego Death (Part 3)

This is the part of the story where I forget the order of things. My brain is trying to protect me from trauma, but I need to write thisss.

"Fuck!" I yelled as I got off the phone with Kamran. "What is happening?"

I needed to park my car. Like right now before I crash both physically and mentally. We arrived at the mall and I parked my car not caring how straight it was.

"Are you okay?" Ritchie said.

I took a deep breath, I felt myself sinking. It reminded me of that moment of Trainspotting where Renton OD'ed and he sunk into the red velvet.

I kept looking forward at the sunset, it was such a contrast between how this morning started out rainy and the evening ended with warm weather.

I don't know how long I stared, but the only words I could say was. "I'm fine."

I turned the car off, and grabbed my key. I had to figure out how to fix this, where can I go from here? I walked with Ritchie, towards the mall. I had to find Zumiez, somewhere indexed in between the tween ear piercing shops and beggars trying to pawn off something from their kiosks.

"I just need another job, then I'll figure everything else out."

I think Ritchie said something, but he wasn't in my tunnel of vision. I stepped into Zumiez, with some unknown Soundcloud rapper blaring overhead.

"Hey Welcome in!"

Luckily, it was the same manager I talked to during the first semester nearing winter break. He was wearing a black windbreaker, and held a hanger grabber for the t-shirts placed up high.

"Hey, I remember that you needed people to work a few months ago. I was wondering if you were still hiring." I smiled

"Unfortunately, I was looking for people during the holiday season. You can still put in an application, or try for another store." He said bouncing the grabber like a guard would do a pole staff protecting a gate.

"Okay, Thank You."

"Sorry." He shrugged.

I was finally at home surrounded by Home Depot boxes. I groaned trying to figure out how to pack everything. I literally took everything with me. So, I wouldn't have to drive to South Jersey every two seconds trying to pack my ACTUAL room when my Mom moves in the summer.

I packed two boxes, and called it a day on packing. I was mentally tired but had no choice BUT to keep making progress. I crashed on my bed and opened my Mac Book. I actually won my Mac Book at my high school prom raffle, I was cut out in the prom court picture after getting robbed from 1st place. My cousin handmade my backless prom dress with a tennis cut rhinestone trim draped on my back. The first place was a generic store bought dress, that held together the most popular girl in school. It honestly didn't matter, I won a fucking Mac Book. My luck is very strange, shit doesn't align for me unless there is chaos or me getting the short end of the stick.

I typed up 'Sales Associate Position Zumiez' I started to do the job application and submitted it for the same mall I went to. I also opened up my email, for the instructions for my exit as an RA. I rolled my eyes, then I scrolled a lil bit more in my inbox.

NASA INTERNSHIP APPLICATION

I clicked so fast, maybe... just maybe everything turned into shit so my luck can be right again.

Thank you for your submission, however,...

I closed my laptop, I rolled over to my side and curled into a fetus position to force myself to sleep. I think that's it for today.

...It was Friday morning...

I do not remember if I ate, I do not know if I took a shower. I don't remember which side of the bed I woke up on.

What I do remember was telling everyone I knew on campus that I got kicked out. If I walked by someone I knew, I told them everything because right now I had nothing.

I didn't know what to do, where to go.

I texted my RD and told her I got kicked out. She told me there was nothing that she could do. I told my co-workers and Big Sis said nothing, and my other co-workers just said "That sucks." not really caring.

I don't remember how I ended up back in my dorm, that had things scattered about on the floor like a hurricane came through. But I was here, trying to come up with solutions. I had an idea, that might work.

I called my friend from back home, maybe for a weekend I could possibly stay with her until I got my head clear. I dialed her phone number hoping she would pick up. I've known Sadie since 1st grade, literally when MTV still showed music videos... (For a few hours at least) We still kept in touch with each other after all those years.

"Hello?" She said

I explained everything to her. The spark notes version of this blog is what I told her. I remember pacing in my room back and forth and explaining. I probably sounded unstable the whole time, but it just came out all at once.

"I'm sorry Vevi, it won't work out I had a friend stay with me before and it didn't work out."

"I literally just need a weekend."

She sighed "You don't have any other friends?"

"My one friend Richie has ten siblings, I can't stay with him. I literally have no one else."

I don't remember if Sadie outright said yes, or she danced around the idea of yes. But I remember feeling relieved for maybe an hour or two as I was packing. I remember thinking I was going to stay with her for the weekend at least. Because she said something along those lines.

My brother called me, again, I was hesitant to pick up but I did.

"You're just going to couch surf with me at my crib. You can't stay with your friend. Mom said you can't stay with her. I'll be on my way to pick you up, I should be there on Saturday."

Welp, there goes my Plan C. I slowly sat on the ground, laying my back against the bed. I looked off into the distance crying and sobbing, and I held my head into my hands.

"I don't want to go to Georgia." I cried on the floor.

I couldn't cry for too long because I knew I had to pack some more. I only had today and tomorrow to do it. To pack up all my shit and possibly not see it again.

That was a lot, hopefully everything was coherent. We're starting to get into the bulk of the chaos. I actually forgot how a lot of the stuff went, my brain does an excellent job of forgetting the things that really traumatized me.

Thank you brain.

[ambersky0319]

I am feeling

Conflicted

Ramblings below cut

So I got an email from an old friend a little over a week ago that I only just now saw because I haven't really been checking that email much (I've slowly been changing accounts for things to a different one and so I. Don't really need to check this one much)

Except the old friend is from the best friend who I drifted away from once we started high school (specifically once quarantine hit) cause like. While we were on the same campus we were in different schools so schedules didn't align, and there wasn't many ways we could talk bc after quarantine she didn't have a phone (her choice, totally valid) and I didn't really do casual emails w friends (too formal for me, + I used to only check my email like. Once a day) so like. We didn't really communicate

And then she went and told my sib that no one (not even me) cares about them (granted, I don't have the friend's side, but I know my sib and they were going through a shitty mental health period AND admitted they were scared to tell me about the incident. And, I knew my friend. Sib and I didn't have the best relationship, and she was my best friend during that time, and used to make fun of sib a lot when she came over or sib was just generally around. She was not, however, around when sib and I's relationship improved. So I wouldn't put it past her to say something like that to my sib.)

So. I was pissed. And just didn't contact her, even when her mom reached out to my grandma (I was never more glad that my cousin was graduating the same day as her, so I had an excuse to miss her graduation)

Keep in mind, as far as I know, she still considered us friends? I think? I remember her introducing me to her other friends as her best friend but like. Most of the time the last time we had exchanged ANY words had been? Months apart???

So I wasn't really considering her among my friends much at the time. And the last time I remember speaking with her, I was with a different friend, and I just felt. Weird about it. Like the way she talked, it reminded me so much of like, how we were in middle school? Except. I had definitely changed a lot since then, so it felt. Really off.

So that confused me.

ANYWAYS

Back to the email. I have a bit of a reply typed up, but I'm conflicted about sending it

So I'm gonna ramble about my thoughts on what she said in hers

It was pretty short, so I'll go in order of what was mentioned

Condolences for my mom's death

I'll be real, I forgot my mom died. I'm pretty sure I had been saying she was dead LONG before that, for no other reason than I thought she had already died. Either way, I genuinely hadn't cared.

She even says she knows we didn't have a good relationship (yeah, no contact with an abusive parent is definitely just a "not good" relationship, one which she WAS around for the aftermath of because! We became friends about a year after I had left that house!) but that it probably still stings, and that she's here for me if I wanna talk

Also she says "them" so I'm assuming she might also be including my dad in that sentence but? Idk???

Either way idk how to feel about this point.

"I know I haven't really been a good friend or best friend"

I mean, neither have I technically? But I genuinely didn't realize she still even considered us friends after like most of our time in high school not talking. Junior year we MAYBE talked for like. 3 minutes at a time

And like. With online friends? The time passed for me to stop considering them friends is MUCH longer than irl friends. Idk why that is for me, but it just is.

So like. She was an acquaintance at most to me at this point. Maybe I should have made more of an effort, but I'll be honest, I just. Didn't want to

Anyway this was followed by saying she hasn't been doing well the past couple of years and like. I feel for her. The last couple years haven't been easy on me either. Glad she's doing better now

I'm also kinda assuming that this part was an apology. But it's more like. An acknowledgement? Like there's no actual apology for not really being a friend or anything?

Still surprised she's sent me an email

Compliments the fan reference project she's seen on my insta

She has never interacted, afaik, with my insta account. She says she doesn't use it herself but checked out my account through her mom's account

Never really reached out to me there or anything either. And like, that's fine. But idk. I just felt a little weird about that. Not about using her mom's account, not even checking out my account. But like. I kinda got whiplash? Because the email was more serious before this and like, cool she likes my art, cool she's still doing art, but why mention it? In an email where you talk about family deaths and mental health???

Idk. Maybe a way to try reconnecting? Find some common ground?

Mentions her own personal loss then well-wishes

This is the main reason I'm conflicted about replying

Because I saw who this email was from in my inbox. And frankly, I was tempted to not read it. I was tempted to just clear it out because I was clearing out my inbox for the first time in weeks

But I decided, what the heck, why not? Because I haven't spoken to her since probably early 2023, if that, and I was curious about what she could have possibly emailed me about

And like. I could just delete it. Move on with my life and forget about it. Ignore the email entirely and not respond

But. That feels pretty shitty? Especially since her mom and my grandma are still in contact? (maybe??? Idk I asked my grandma to just not mention my friend or her mom to me)

So like. I have a reply written up.

I explained how I felt about my mom's death, because frankly I don't want people thinking I cared about her. I apologized for not being a good friend either. And sending my condolences for her loss. Wishing her and her family the best.

The thing is. I'm. Hesitating to send it

Because she started off the email by saying she'll be getting a new phone and number soon, and will be sending me it once she gets it. And the thing is. I don't? Really know if I want that?

Like. Part of me wants to talk again. If only to see if she's changed, and to hear what she has to say about what she told my sibling. Maybe reconnect, depending on the outcome. Because she was my best friend for four years and this is also a clear attempt to try connecting again on her part, and I'd feel bad not at least, idk, getting closure on the relationship?

Part of me though, just kinda. Doesn't want to even try reconnecting. Just. Leave that era of my life behind (with her along with it).

So. I'm not commenting on that in my email.

I'll. Probably send the email. Mostly to share my condolences. I don't plan on saying I'm here if she wants to talk, that would be unfair to her. We aren't close anymore, I was barely able to be there for my sib when our mom died (because they WERE affected by her death) and the fact that I genuinely don't know if I'd even want to reconnect... It's selfish on my part I think, but I really wouldn't want to make false promises about something that serious

Anyways

This ended up longer than I was expecting it to be

[sirchubbybunny]

It's almost 2:30am and I'm sick. I'm also full of feelings listening to a playlist I compiled for a friend, and while I'm polishing it up, I'm looking over Reddit to kill time until I feel well enough to sleep.

I just came across a family drama thread and it made me think about my grandma passing away last week. I still have weird feelings about it for a lot of reasons. I was disconnected from her and my grandpa at a young age due to my parents separating as a toddler and I never got to see them more than a few times before I refused to see my dad and step mom at some point.

My grandpa died sometime in the late 90s or start of the 2000s, which I had to find out the hard way. She outlived him by 23 or so years and I'm just thankful I got to see her one more time, a few months before the pandemic. In spite of all her health issues and dementia, my cousins [H & J] told me that she still remembers all of us - even me. I think she was okay with me being trans, too, which was what I was worried about.

The news about her dying was quiet. Subtle. J changed her profile picture to her holding someone's hand. Then, changed her banner to her and her sister [H], and our grandma together. The profile picture was my major hint and the banner confirmed it before I heard. Fast forward about two hours and my mom comes to me. I already know what she's going to ask.

"Have you heard the news?"

Yeah, I kind of drew my conclusion from the other side of the family.

That's when she told me that, out of nowhere, the phone rang. It was my dad. He said my grandma died and he was on his way to the hospital. My dad went radio silent on me ten years ago after I tried to reconnect with him and my step mom for support when I was coming out. They even visited me when I was in the ward. Then, after being involuntarily committed months later - nothing.

They weren't returning any my calls from the hospital payphone. They weren't returning my mom's calls or texts from any our numbers. This continued to happen after I got out, along with emails going unanswered. It was like they vanished. I didn't know until I met with H and grandma years later that she and J did some Scooby-Doo detective work and figured out he was still somewhat local, but farther out. If I go down a certain road, I can still find the last place the two of them lived when they drove me out to clear my head.

I was doing well for myself. He made a choice to go no contact with me, not the other way around. If he wanted to find me, he could have. I just accepted the silence as his answer.. But now, after all this time. Why he decided to pop his head back in by phone and not even bother to ask for me is what I don't get. I think he knows I met with H and my grandma, too. How, I'm not sure, unless I'm thinking about my mom saying she knows I met with them and not him hearing it through the grape vine.

I was working on coming to terms with him being out of the picture. I was sad and angry ten years ago. I was able to channel that into art. I was doing better. I thought I was. Now I feel like I'm devolving back to square one again and figuring out how to start over since I feel like it's just hanging over my head that maybe this time, things will be different.

Fuckin daddy issues at most 3am here. What a shit show note to bring us to the end of the year, right?

[thinkpink212]

I live away from family too! Gosh, its been so hard, and with little to no friends I feel like I am loosing it! Any advice on how to deal and stuff? <3

Aww boo I hear you!

Keep in touch, but not too much Knowing how your loved ones are and communicating how you are, seem to always help me a great deal. But remember that a little distance is good when its healthy distance. What I mean is, make sure you are still doing your thing; working, cultivating your hobbies, staying on top of chores etc. Keep in touch with your family and friends, but also keep busy so that your mind doesn't constantly fixate on their absence. What ill do... ♡ Facetime my fav cousin from time to time. ♡ Call (or voice message) with my mom whenever were free ♡ Evening and morning texts with my closest friend (and try not to reply in the middle of the day unless it is urgent or I truly have time) ♡ Schedule meetups/trips in advance, especially with friends! Now a month like May is a little more special because you get to see your people for a few days! ♡ Randomly messaging "Hi, how are you" to my younger cousins who I don't think know how to really talk to me fully but have expressed their wish for more communication. Even if it is short interactions', I always ask for cool pictures from their week, updates etc.

Remind yourself why you aren't there but here It is important to always remember where you came from, why you are here and why you must stay! Sure, sometimes the justifications don't seem worth the loneliness, but trust me, at the end you will see how much you've achieved! Find people where you are, a temporary (with potential of permanence) family This could be via groups on facebook, sports classes, church, cool events happening around town. Get out there and meet people. But also remind yourself that being in a cowed or even a small gather, cannot fix the loneliness - but at least you could be distracted and having fun for a few hours! You are not alone!

Be prepared to ask for help, accept help but also the opposite Being alone means no one to lean on how you may have been able to before. Hard decisions, adulting and all of that is in your hands. You have to make the calls, schedule the appointments, make sure you're fed, clothed and good! But also, when it gets hard, ask for help; Need advice for your studies? ask your Guidance councilor(s), fellow students, professors etc. Confused about insurance? Call and ask all your 'stupid questions' (which, there is no such thing as a stupid question) Don't run from things and people trying to help. Of course have discernment, know when to say No Thank you, Ive Got it vs Thank you, Yes please. But (as said, the opposite can/will happen) Also know that you will ask for help, guidance, support and so on, and you will be given a No, here there and everywhere. Take those No's and place them next to the others and go on till you figure it out. You have to keep going!

Have savings This is always good to have, but having no family or people to truly rely on like that, its good to have a few $ in case something happens and you need to fly out, fly someone over or just cannot work (and there's no one to financially directly support you).

Have a Will This is a bit morbid, but in case anything happens to you, having a drawn up paper (can be made alongside a lawyer or just you writing it on paper, and signing) where you declare what you want done in case of your death, debilitation, accidents etc. You can also delegate your things! It lowkey helps me sleep a bit better knowing all of that is sorted. I have mine send to my email and as a file on my computer - but some people keep it with their passport etc.

Lastly, take care of yourself. Don't let nostalgia trick you into remembering times as being better due to loneliness (this is how you end up with toxic people from your past and attracting them to your presence). Your time is valuable, treat is like so! xo

[paulk19]

How I Arrived at Tumblr (part 4)

As we left off in my previous blog entry, I was beginning to enjoy posting to Facebook with content that amused me, and hopefully anyone else who saw it in their feed.  Little by little, though, things began to appear in my feed that were not amusing, and instead were somewhat irritating.  I learned things about some people that I would not have expected.  Then, when an extended olive branch devolved into personal nastiness, it was time to pull the plug.  The period of time we’re talking about was the middle of 2012, overlapping with the LinkedIn incident I described earlier.

I was Facebook friends with two of my former employees.  One still worked in the office where I had managed him; we got together for coffee every couple of weeks to catch up and have a few laughs.  The other worked remotely, from Mississippi (if that tells you anything), and had retired some time before.  They had done good work for me, and hence our relations were cordial.  Then politics reared its ugly head.

It wasn’t so much that they were Republicans.  I had suspected as much from Ms. Mississippi.  It was more that Republican policies were anathema not only to the work we were doing, but to our personal financial well-being.  I found this impossible to reconcile.  I remember getting into a back-and-forth with Ms. Mississippi about her retirement security.  She had worked long enough to max out her annuity.    When I asked her what she would do when Paul Ryan came after her pension, she responded, “What makes you think Obama won’t?”  That was an ignorant response; I’ve never read or heard anything about Obama supporting a reduction in or elimination of ANY American’s retirement benefits.  That was more Ryan’s claim to fame.  In fact, one of her friends who had apparently seen our exchange privately messaged that she agreed with me.

The straw that broke the camel’s back, though, involved one of my cousins.  I had been close to this cousin on and off through our lives; by this time, we had been “off” for many years.  When we had been close, she sounded off to me about some talk that had been making the rounds in my father’s family regarding my mom.  It was not true, but if it had been, my mom would have been justified in her action.  Perhaps some day, I’ll go into more detail about this.  Still, the comment rubbed me the wrong way.  I ghosted her.

After I joined Facebook, she showed up on the list of “people I may know.”  I don’t remember who friended who, but we became connected.  After Superstorm Sandy hit, her beach house on the Jersey shore had been washed away.  She posted that she’d lost many emails, and requested that everyone send her their addresses, privately of course.

With the passage of nearly 20 years since our last conversation, I wasn’t as pissed off as I’d been.  I tried to reconnect by sending her my address, noting that she hadn’t had my address but I’d like her to have it.  I was ill-prepared for the vitriol that came back.  She tore into me for not contacting her, where had I been, she needed me, and so on.  I guess she was still pissed off.  (At least Ms. Mississippi had been civil).  If this is what it was going to be like, I wanted out.  I quickly deleted my account, and was now 0-3 when it came to social media.

Next up is the bird site.  I tried hard to bond with Twitter, I really enjoyed using it, but alas, my love was unrequited.

[strangesmallbard]

my dad lived in a first-floor apartment on a leafy green street with plenty of broken sidewalks. all the apartments were old houses split into many different lives, but you couldn’t tell from the matching stain glass windows and dark brown wood siding. my dad never cleaned his apartment enough. dust clumps bore into the bottom of my feet whenever i stayed the night and smoke filmed eyes, coated throats. it was cleanish the day the day we came back to pick up his sports car for the leasing guys, but stains lingered on the ceiling and left square rings on the walls.

LA isn’t a clean city, i’ve always thought. concrete river, sticky billboards, muggy warmth pressing loose hair against my forehead. dad and i always ate well in his favorite restaurants, the ones he went to as a kid. el coyote with the beautiful dresses and the narrow linoleum aisles in art’s deli. that’s cow tongue, he told me. it was obviously a tongue, but i had questions anyway. dad always answered them with footnotes. when the oncologist emailed him his lung biopsy results, we read them together on his phone in the hospital hallway.

there are clean places in LA, like the hospital. the hotel around the where my mom and i stayed. we watched bridesmaids there the night before my dad’s first radiation appointment, and the room smelled like nothing. i was happy to sleep the next night in a family friend’s apartment with the rescued paintings from pre-holocaust europe and an old dog named ginger, who had an overbite and loved being held.

my uncle and i dropped off my dad’s keys with his landlord, who gave me something he saved from the apartment: an old baseball, so grimy the seams weren’t even red anymore. either from an old dodger’s game or his little league days, my uncle can’t quite remember. “i loved larry,” his landlord says, solving the mystery of why he never got evicted for playing electric guitar at three in the morning. “when someone complained about the smoking, i told them to leave.” he had this big house, the landlord, with red cobbled ceiling and a well-mowed lawn. we laughed. people always liked my dad.

after the landlord handed over the baseball, he shook his head. “but i told him. you gotta quit. don’t you want to see your daughter grow up?” someone must have replied, but i didn’t talk once. i look young. maybe he thought i was still a kid. it was always easy to be a kid in LA; i was the youngest on my mom’s side until my cousins had their babies and i always had a chaperone, like everyone forgot i lived on my own in college.

maybe that’s why my mom was startled when i decided to get starbucks around the corner, the day after the funeral. are you sure? i’m sure. i hadn’t been alone since we drove to the airport and needed those ten critical minutes. i wore the GAP jean jacket my dad bought my mom in the 80’s and listened to something way too jaunty on my headphones. west hollywood that morning was rows of low-roofed storefronts with bright paint and market researched text fonts, trendy folks my aged brushing past business suits and curmudgeony locals.

i wasn’t happy that morning, but i wasn’t sad either. i was swollen and achy, like a fresh bruise, empty minded enough to fill up with the day’s sounds and textures and smells. it was the first time i ever walked LA by myself, like my parents and my grandparents and their parents must have done, through the Golden Age and the war and the baby boom, a crunchy map full of red, red pins. i watched dogs jump over concrete bumps and little kids playing games under table cloths and pinwheels spinning in the muggy wind. i could live here, i thought. the starbucks was stacked to the brim with tired 20-somethings, and all the baristas wore clumpy waterproof eyeliner. guys laughed louder than the espresso machine. i could be happy here, too.

i genuinely didn’t like or want to live in LA until my dad passed away. there’s a poem in there but i don’t feel like writing it

[sailorwritesstuff]

The seven head canons + nico (HoO)

i haven't written for percy Jackson since 2018 but in honor of me considering a riptide tattoo. i give you some head canons I have of the seven

Percy really enjoys crocheting

Frank learned how to do box braids

Hazel really enjoys cinnamon bagels

One time Jason fell out of a tree and forgot he knew how to fly so he hit the ground in the rest of the seven teased him about it for weeks

Percy speaks Spanish because Sally is Puerto Rican.

Annabeth is terrible at Sudoku

Nico plans picnic dates because he knows that Will likes sitting in the sun

Annabeth hates to admit it but if you ask her she'll tell you Leo is smarter than her when it comes to math.

mortal sometimes think that annabeth is really mean to Percy because she calls him an idiot often usually combined with a few curse words. But it's just because he did something stupid.

Piper doesn't like saying "I love you too." She really likes poetry so she'll say "and I you" instead

Percy lets Estelle cover him in stickers and Band-Aids whenever he gets hurt. He doesn't have the heart to tell her that it'll be healed in 10 minutes tops.

Annabeth hates spicy food

Nico tried a Whopper from Burger King once and he cried. No one really knows if it was because it was good or bad

sometimes whenever Leo does something stupid Jason will put him on the roof while he sleeping. (He makes sure he's secure so he doesn't like fall and break something)

sometimes Percy and Leo have conversations in Spanish and then because the dialogue is different depending on where you learn Spanish they are you over certain phrases.

Percy's really into cheese which is unfortunate because he's lactose intolerant.

Hazel likes to bake

One time Leo had weed and he made edibles and Hazel ate 2 of them. so the two of them cried together Hazel because ponies can't kiss and Leo because Frank was going to kill him.

one year for Halloween Annabeth and Percy went as Morticia and Gomez Adams

Percy frequently gets mistaken for a Jason Todd cosplayer Because of his white hair streak.

Percy has a slight New York accent and sometimes whenever he speaks Jason has no idea what he's saying

Piper and Jason found out once that their parents did a movie together. They bought a copy and burned it because fuck Jason's mom.

Percy and Jason have kissed twice the first time was an accident. the second time was a dare.

leo has really long fingers.

sometimes when all seven of them are together they watch Disney movies and sit under one big blanket with a box of store-bought cookies.

at Annabeth and Percy's wedding Leo fell over when he tripped over his own shoelace during the middle of the wedding and neither of them were even mad they both made eye contact and burst it out laughing.

percabeth wants children but realistically don't think they'll ever have any.

Piper and Jason have a best friends forever rule that states if they ever break up they'll still be best friends.

sometimes Piper paints Reyna and Percy's nails. They call it their hot bitch hang out time.

Piper and Annabeth are bisexual. Percy and Jason are unlabeled but everyone senses the underlying gay tension between them.

Annabeth sometimes calls Jason Percy's boyfriend

Piper sometimes forget she's rich?? And then she remembers oh shit my dad's a movie star and she'll spoil her friends.

Drew Tanaka introduced Leo to Sadie Kane a girl from her school and they hit it off pretty well. they email each other sometimes on public computers.

Percy has personal beef with Annabeth's cousin Magnus because he doesn't like the color blue.

Jason dislikes Harry Potter with a burning passion and he doesn't understand why.

Nico makes really good mac and cheese

Leo laughs about Hispanic stereotypes in front of his white friends to make them uncomfortable.

Piper doesn't celebrate thanksgiving and so Leo and Jason spend it with her and they just do stupid shit together instead.

Percy and Piper sometimes just sit in silence together because they like the company and before they leave they touch fingers like in ET.

Annabeth and Piper are very affectionate with each other sometimes mortals mistake them as a couple.

Jason will blush no matter who's hitting on him so sometimes everyone in the seven will just drop a pickup line on him.

Frank makes really good waffles.

Hazel gets cold but really easily so Percy crochets her a lot of scarves and hats.

Frank and Leo thought about making a podcast together.

Leo drinks milk straight.

Hazel really likes anime But she gets really flustered when inappropriate scenes show up. Her favorite is Sailor Moon.

One time Annabeth ate two whole birthday cakes just to prove a point

Nico's guilty pleasure is that he enjoys pomegranate flavored drinks.

All eight of them like to go to malls or parks sit together and just watch pedestrians and make up ideas on where they're going or where they just come from. sometimes they give them names.

[lifeofagirlnameddan]

This Life

2019-2024 Did you ever find yourself trapped in a loop? Perhaps in ways you don't expect. Dan did. She never realized that she was trapped in a loop of love, pain, abandonment and loneliness.

Grade 6:

Was it real friends? I see everyday and find ways to make sure we have something to talk about so they dont find me boring. I fought a lot with others, I liked a boy who always asked me for help and advice when it comes to two things: His homework, and the girls he's pursuing. I got influenced into many things, got into trouble many times. Was I an introvert? A shy girl? I called myself a loser, a geek, whatever (Hah I was a theater kid if you get my reference.) Being that I am, I got exposed online-- in a bad way. I learned things I shouldn't be learning, and I was talking to people online where I shouldn't have been at that age. There was someone I met online, he understood my musical references and without thinking I joked that I've found my "soulmate". Boy was I stupid. While crushing on a classmate, I kept up my chats with this online friend. Oh it was getting bad... Chat me up, all day, all night. It was fun, I was being sneaky. Oh calls and video calls, voice message and more. Then he starts asking for pictures... Pictures Pictures Pictures. Ah so wrong what have I done? Not just that but a friend of mine was a very bad influence, I am not so sure what he was-- A friend? An enemy? I can't tell. I should have stopped myself, but oh how I liked the attention? May 14, 2019

It was class crush's birthday, it's summer and I just woke up. Oh no- mom drags me out my bed, shoves my phone to my face. The fear plastered on my face! She slaps my cheek, throws the phone to the window (I'm shocked it didn't break!) Ah bad bad bad time, she found out about Online boy. It was for the best. We didn't even love each other lol, he just asked for pictures and I...was a desperate child who wanted attention.

New Life: Mom took me out of that school, removed all my socials, and cut me out of society.

Grade 7: Starting my highschool life in homeschool

Ah it was fine, I had my own schedule. I was doing fine, I became a better student. I'm okay with this life... I have no teachers and classmates though, it was just me and the professors in the pre-recorded videos. My desk and my laptop and...Google (ahaha). Oh my, I'm lonely... But oh hey, I learned about Quotev, Ao3, and Wattpad...! Oh no. Here we go? I read, and read and read and read and read and read! This is my life now... I started hoarding books~ With that, I got into role play--(we all go through this dont act like im a weirdo) And I fell in love...with writing. I started working on an idea that based on a What If question I had at one of the sleepovers I had with my cousin (She made me watch animes and we role played together and wrote different short stories)

2020-2021

Grade 8-Grade 9: No friends like Fiction, Am I right?

I forgot how to be human, oh if you all could see... Long hair, glasses, dark clothes, nose stuck in a book, no sleep at all-- From the morning I studied and studied, at night I read til bed. Did I enjoy it? Yes. But at the present now, it is only a feeling. I don't recall what I read, I don't even remember what my brain rots were about! I continued my story ideas, brainstorming with my cousin actively (Oh which reminds me. Since I had no phone nor any socials, I chatted her through emails, hangouts, skype and pinterest--Ikr those were desperate times if I had no phone...) So yeah, we continued that story...Thats one year of working on it and it seemed pretty good. Life was okay like this...

Okay not really, so I mentioned I was into role play and that I would chat my cousin on pinterest. I was finally trusted to have a phone again but no socials still. But since I had pinterest...That meant I found someone to role play with me in that app... Goodness i'm stupid! So sneaky once again, a little bit of role play getting a little twisted and wrong in so many ways. Ah here's the shocker, I was talking to a GIRL! Oh this was the start... Of so many more problems. My mom found out about this one and once again, no phone (wahhh TT) But it was only for about what two? three...no four? I think six months yes. So how did I message my cousin? Well this was the time of the pandemic and jobs were hard to find... My dad took up a delivery job! So I wrote letters to her and had it sent weekly--It was creative and fun to do so. We traded books and wrote updates on our lives. I miss her. Back to topic, I can NOT be trusted with a phone haha. But I was anyway... and oh... no no, Homeschool was fun and all but I'm always alone. My family realized that and forced me to join christmas parties, camps and clubs and gathering... Nothing amusing for me I meet people, I laugh, they think I made a friend...I never speak to them again. Funny right? Anyway I joined an art club from my school which was online, that and a Writers Guild. The art community is in a group chat so guess what... My phone was given back to me, there I met a friend (Lets call him J) He requests collaborations with me and I was always happy to help a fellow artist. Oh yes don't worry, J is a good fellow and is still a very present and active friend to me right now. But there was a time that J invited me to join his discord server (ah yes my cousin introduced me to Discord) So I did join J's server full of other homeschool artists, it seems that it was a DnD role play group and he wanted us artists to play some roles! Oh sure of course, I agreed. I met his friend. (Lets call him Cat) Cat and I did not get along, oh no we started off quite weirdly. But oddly enough that feisty banters we have lead to something... Aha you see where I'm going? Yes Stupid once again was I! We knew each other for what...A year? after that stuff happened and...we got together and lasted...three months.

May 2, 2022

Ah it was a Sunday I'll never forget. I had a meeting with J and Cat online, J had some concerns he wanted to address. Ah...He felt like we shouldn't be together because he fears of the worst outcome for his friends... I didn't listen to him... I didn't...when I should have!!! I was supposed to continue the meeting but then my mom took my phone! (ARGH for the best but I hated it when it was so random and snoopy) She found out about me and Cat... aha again? Okay, again. But it gets worse. Oh it was a fight, she took my phone again and I stayed crying in my room until lunch time. She refused to see me, okay so in a whirl of emotions what did I do...? I was dumb so so dumb. I put on my slippers, grabbed the nearest bag and left. I ran away. (Worst case scenario, this is during Covid. I was in my pajamas, and I was wearing nothing but my bra inside my sweater. Oh and the bag I took? It had no money, nothing inside except... My old Harry Potter figurines! I had my smart watch on but it was dying!) So yes, I ran away. I walked and walked thinking, where should I go? So I walked headed towards a tower from my view, okay I'm almost there, I took an overpass and got lost. Hmmm, I planned to take a bus, oh but I have no money... Two men approached me. Oh shit. Oh they're trying to help me because Idfk where I'm going! They're asking for my destination, I say where, and one of them took their helmet, gave it to me, and gave me a ride on his motorbike. (First time to ride one by the way) I got to where I was headed, he asked me why am I headed there? I need a lie! I said I was going to meet my dad there. So he left me at the place of which I asked. As he left, I planned to cross the road, my next destination? Well my old house (Not exactly but the subdivision there, maybe I can stay at the park?) Oh but I was inexperienced, I was going to cross a main road! Right as I was about to cross a bunch of guards called out to me, told me what I'm doing would get me killed if I took another step. They lead me to an underpass. So I took that. I crossed the underpass and headed towards the place I wanted to go. Still so many problems... It was hot, I was wearing a sweater (again I can't remove it bcs I wasn't wearing a shirt under) and I didn't eat lunch, didn't have any water, and have been wandering aimlessly throughout. I was close now about....another 6-7 kilometers or so... I was stupid to think I'd reach it without passing out. I staggered as I walked, I hit a tree and a long branch fell on my head. I used it as a cane I guess. Then another man showed up, called out to me, I ignored him. He tried to give me money, I felt guilty so I refused. He tried to let me let him help me. (Wow tongue twister-I could word that better) Eventually I realized this man is a grab driver... Okay I took his offer to drive me, he offered to buy me lunch and so I ate a Mcdonalds meal. At first he asked me where I was headed. Panicked and not wanting him to know I said the address of my old school from 6th grade, which was nearby. He took me there and then asked me again. Where am I really supposed to go? Ah shoot he caught me, So I gave in. I told him to take me to a subdivision (my old place), He asked me, Why? I said I'm looking for my dad. And he told me he thought I was a foreigner, and asked for my name, and If I could understand him. Oh he fed my cover, so sure I said I was from another country, I said I was looking for my dad, and that when he asked for my name I panicked again inside my head, I saw a bike pass by with a plate number with the letters "XIAN" and so I told him my name was Xian. He took me to the subdivision, and left me at the park... Ah but he wouldn't leave me alone! He followed me even as I got out the car... goodness! He parked and came out again, he asked if I was okay, and in desperation I was walking in circles around my cousin's house (we were neighbors). So I asked him if I could borrow his phone, and he did, I messaged Cat, said my explanation and my situation, said my goodbyes and asked for one last favor.