#I still haven't seen the special but someday

[mysticjrs]

Can't outrun Destiny

(shutout to @imminent-danger-came for all the help with ideas and consultation)

(GIF and some stills under read more)

+ the background

[thebiggerbear]

Close Enough

Summary: When you'd met the Shaws at the morgue the day before, you thought that had been the end of it and you wouldn't need to see one Shaw brother in particular again. Little did you know that Colter was about to once again ask for your help and not only would you be forced to see Russell again but things were about to change drastically for the both of you.

Pairing: Russell Shaw x Female!Reader; Russell Shaw x Female!FBI Special Agent!Reader

A/N: Sequel to So Close. I wanted to follow up and reveal what happened between Russell and the reader in the past but as I was writing it, this idea popped into my head in addition to that and I just had to see where it went. This was the end result lol. Hope it's okay.

Unbeta'd so all mistakes are mine. I still have not seen Tracker (besides 1x12) because I just haven't had the time for a proper binge yet so if I got some things wrong about Colter and his experience in the show, I apologize.

A little disclaimer: I have never worked in law enforcement so I tried to piece together things I’ve seen and heard in true crime documentaries and podcasts alongside with movies/tv and books. I apologize for any inconsistencies, incorrect information, exaggerations, or complete fallacies. Basically, I made shit up.

Songs I listened to while writing: Somebody That I Used to Know by Gotye; Easy Loving by Loretta Lynn & Conway Twitty; Sweet Dreams by Patsy Cline; Sounds of Someday by Radio Company

Warnings: sanctioned assassination; death; gun violence; graphic description of killing; violence/blood mention; mention of dead bodies; arson; implied sex; a trace amount of smut(ish?); language

Word Count: 16K+

Russell Taglist: @deangirl96 (I hope you don't mind me tagging you in this one; this is going to lead into the series that I mentioned on "So Close"); @avada-kedavra-bitch-187; @rieleatiel

Jensen Taglist: @samanddeaninatrenchcoat

You can also read on AO3

Your phone started to buzz and you glanced at the screen, rolling your eyes and letting out a sigh before picking up. That wasn’t the normal reaction you would have to seeing Colter’s name pop up on your phone but ever since that mess back at the morgue yesterday, you had been hoping he wouldn’t contact you again. At least not until his brother went back to whatever hole he’d crawled out of. But now it looked like that had been a fool’s hope, on both counts.

“You what?” You hissed.

“We’re about to head to this home in the Blue Ridge Mountains and go in to get Doug,” he repeated.

“I’m sorry, an incredible amount of stupid just sounded in my ear. Can you repeat that?”

“Reenie got me the location and it’s solid intel.” He lowered his voice. “Look, I thought we should get law enforcement involved, alright? But there’s a…valid reason why Russ doesn’t want to call them that I can’t get into right now.”

“Whoops, more stupid. One more time?”

Colter groaned into the phone. “Come on, Y/N.”

“I’m serious, Colter. What the hell are either of you think—wait, scratch that. What the hell are you thinking? Going into a dangerous location like that without any backup? If Carlos Solano found your missing man in a safehouse, do you think he won’t be armed to the teeth? That he won’t have guards patrolling the compound that you’re walking right into? That he won’t see something like this coming? You guys are walking right into a shitstorm.” Christ, you loved the guy like a long-lost brother that you sometimes kept in touch with but if he were in front of you right now, you would’ve delivered one good smack to the back of his head to get him thinking straight. Colter may know his way around a gun, but he wasn’t someone who had formal training or combat experience like Russell did. He didn’t even have your training and you wouldn’t be going in there kamikaze-style like they were.

“That’s why I’m calling you and asking you to meet us there. I’m not exactly calling in law enforcement but we’ll have one more person to watch our backs and help us search for Doug. And who better than a special agent with the FBI?”

You sat back in your chair, shaking your head but thinking it over. This was beyond stupid and you shouldn’t be encouraging it. Russell’s involvement in this idiot plan didn’t surprise you; Colter’s did. He knew better. But you also knew that if he thought he had a chance to get the missing guy back home safely, he was going to take it, no matter the personal risk. If you didn’t go like he asked and anything happened to him or Russell, you’d never forgive yourself.

“Please?” 

You pinched the bridge of your nose between your thumb and forefinger, your decision made. “Send me the location and I’ll leave now to meet you.”

“Thank you.” You could hear the genuine gratitude in his tone. “I promise I’ll explain everything.”

“You better,” you nearly growled before disconnecting the call. You had a feeling you knew what he was going to tell you but for his sake, you hoped it wasn’t anything close to what you were thinking. But why else would Russell not want to call law enforcement for help in rescuing his friend who had been taken hostage by a foreign criminal? God, you hoped you were wrong.

You let out another loud sigh and before you could stand, your phone started ringing again. When you glanced at the screen, instead of a name, you saw “Blocked”. Not good.

You swiped green, holding it to your ear. “Y/L/N.”

“We have a problem,” said the voice on the other end, one you knew all too well, and it didn't sound happy. Shit.

You watched as Colter’s truck pulled up alongside your car. Colter got out and noticed you leaning against your trunk, arms crossed and a scowl in place. Russell came around from the other side. 

“Either of you boys see two suicidal idiots around here? Oh, wait.”

Russell’s jaw tightened. “It wasn’t my idea to call you.” He slid a glare over to his brother. 

“You’re lucky he did,” you snapped. “And since I’m here,” You got to your feet and turned to open your trunk, revealing a smorgasbord of gear and weapons. “We’re going to be doing this my way.” You held out a bulletproof vest to Colter first and he immediately started to strap it on. You held one out to Russell but he shook his head and didn’t take it. You glanced over to find he had already put his own on while you’d been grabbing one for his brother.

“Okay, look,” Russell started, his eyes scanning your makeshift armory and setting your teeth on edge. “This isn’t some FBI raid of some drug gang. This guy, Carlos Solano, he’s the real deal. He’s as dangerous as they come.”

You could feel your irritation turning into anger at the suggestion that you didn’t know how serious this was, and from him of all people. “And what am I? Some part-time mall security guard? A receptionist at the Academy? I’ve dealt with cartels before and they’re as dangerous as they come, too. So take that mansplaining and shove it right up where the sun doesn't shine.”

Russell took a step closer and laid a hand on your shoulder, his eyes burning into you. “Be pissed at me all you want but I don’t want you getting hurt.”

“But you’re okay with your brother getting hurt?” You briefly glanced in Colter’s direction. The younger man was watching you two carefully as he adjusted his vest one last time, wisely choosing to stay out of this one. 

Russell’s jaw clenched and he dropped his hand. “I’ve got him.”

You snorted and grabbed a gun, loading it quickly. “And I’ve got both of you. Now, we’ve got a bit of a hike so let’s cut the chit chat and get this over with, shall we?” You motioned for Colter to turn around and you inserted an extra handgun into the back of his belt. “We stick together as a unit. You hear me? No wandering off alone.”

Colter faced you again. ��Yes, Mom,” he teased.

You swatted at his shoulder before checking the fit of his vest, nodding in approval.

“I have done this before, you know.”

You knew that already. You’d been there with him a couple of times for such instances. “Good for you,” you quipped. “But for kicks, how about you just humor me?”

He rolled his eyes and you smirked, turning to slam the trunk shut. You glanced up to find Russell watching you, his jaw still tight but his eyes containing a familiar light that you hadn’t seen in a while. “You good?”

“Yep.” And just like that, the light hollowed out, replaced by something far colder yet familiar, but not because you’d seen it in his gaze. You’d seen it often enough in your own when looking into the mirror. 

Pushing that thought away and shifting focus, you began to lead the way into the trees. “Alright, let’s do this and get Doug home in time for breakfast.” Colter flanked you on your right while Russell came up on your left. 

“Let’s rock and roll,” he agreed. 

It hadn’t been as bad as you’d been expecting, even after you’d received the intel Colter had referred to on the phone. One guard and three henchmen. You were annoyed and almost insulted that they had presented so little a challenge considering Carlos Solano was supposed to be this big bad criminal. But when you glanced over and saw Colter looking over Russell’s bloody jacket sleeve, you regretted the thought and gratitude immediately filled you that things hadn’t been worse. Russell had taken a bullet to the arm and thankfully, it had passed right through. 

Before you could shoot the bastard that shot him, Colter and Russell were on it. You watched in awe as the brothers moved as a single unit, almost as if they hadn’t been strained or missed a beat over the years. You supposed you should be happy that they were working together rather than still arguing over shit from a lifetime ago that had torn their family apart. For Colter’s sake at least.

Just then, you heard what sounded like a small plane outside. You hurried to a window and glanced outside, seeing a rapidly descending charter plane aiming for the tiny landing strip in the back of the property. Right on time.

You let the curtain fall and looked back at the guys. “Time to go.”

Doug’s face was ashen while Colter and Russell exchanged glances. Immediately, Russell picked up his gun and got ready to leave the room.

You rushed to stop him. “There will be none of that!” 

“You guys get Doug back to the truck. I’ll handle this.”

You practically jogged around him, planting yourself in his path. “Not happening.”

He glared down at you. “Y/N, I need to close this up. Move.”

You scowled right back. “You’ve been shot.”

“I’m fine.”

“No, you’re not.”

“I have to finish this.”

You refused to budge. “You are not finishing anything. You’re getting the hell out of here, that’s what you’re doing.” 

“Y/N—”

“Guys, not the time,” Colter interceded. “He’s getting off that plane any second now, so what’s the plan?”

“She’s right, man,” Doug added, making both of your gazes snap over at him. “We really need to go.”

Voices suddenly sounded outside and you all glanced towards the window.

“Shit,” you muttered, quickly checking the chamber on your gun. As you were about to head out of the room, a hand grasped gently under your chin and forced your eyes to meet Russell’s. You could see the pleading there but also a stone-cold resignation. “Go with Colter and Doug,” he urged, giving you a brief but strained smile. “I need you to go.” You felt the rough skin of his thumb on your cheek as he moved it tenderly back and forth.

You knew what he was really telling you, what he planned to do, but hell if you weren’t more infuriated with him. You were so sick of the self-sacrificial bullshit. Hadn’t it cost you enough? Cost you both?

You pulled away from him, giving him a glare. “I don’t think you understand,” you said in a tone so cold you were pretty sure you could give the winds in Antarctica a run for their money. “I’m taking Solano in and I am not leaving until I have my suspect alive and in custody.” Russell looked pissed but you couldn’t care less. Better than him being dead in the next two minutes.

You turned to face Colter and Doug so they also got the message. “This case is under Federal jurisdiction now.” Colter glanced between you and his brother who you turned back to face. “I’m bringing him in. Got it?”

Russell went to say something but didn’t get the chance. The sounds of gunfire erupted right outside the room and you all had to duck for cover. 

You secured your handcuffs around Carlos Solano’s wrists that had been forced behind his back once you shoved him into the chair in the room, purposely tightening the metal bracelets past the point of comfort. The man reacted, cursing you out as you smirked up at him. 

Getting to your feet, you focused on the Shaws and Doug. Russell watched you with a glare while Colter waited for you to speak. Doug looked downright terrified. They had helped you to take down Solano’s men who had flown with him — all three of them. Russell aimed for Solano but at the last second, you got in his way and tackled the criminal to the ground. Needless to say, he wasn’t happy with you. Oh well. The feeling was mutual.

Colter placed his hands on his hips. “Alright, so how are we getting him back to the truck? Are we just going to drag him through the woods and hope we don’t come across anybody else he might have coming here? How are we going to work this?”

You slipped your gun back into your holster. “He doesn’t have anyone else coming here and the plan is that you three are going to head back to the truck and get out of here. I’m going to wait for a pickup,” You gestured towards the window with your thumb where the landing strip could be seen. “They’re nearby, waiting for my call, and they won’t take long to get here.” You shook your phone in your hand, indicating you were going to be using it.

Russell glanced around, as if expecting Agents to start popping up out of the woodworks at any second, before his eyes settled back on you. “So you called this in after all?”

You shrugged. “You were going into a fully armed compound to rescue a hostage, a two-man team against a crime lord on the FBI’s Most Wanted list? Yeah, of course, I did.”

He shook his head, chuckling and muttering a curse under his breath. “Of course you did,” he echoed, shooting a look over at his brother. 

Colter’s gaze flickered back to you. “We’ll wait with you until they get here.”

You offered up a small smile. “I appreciate it but not necessary. I’ve got this until they get here and I do the handover.”

“But—”

“Look, you should get Doug out of here.” You inclined your head in the direction of the man who was staring dazedly at the floor. “You need to get him checked out and your brother should get his arm looked at.”

“I’m fine,” Russell interjected.

You ignored him. “I’ll be alright, Colter. Believe it or not, you tend to get experience with this kind of thing once or twice before becoming a Special Agent.” You meant it as a light-hearted reassurance but you could tell that both Shaw brothers were going to be a hard sell. At least Colter’s reasoning was up front and above board.

“I’m sure but I don’t feel comfortable leaving you alone. Not with him.” Colter gestured towards Solano who spit in his direction.

“I won’t be for long. But you guys need to get out of here. The Bureau can’t know you were involved in this.” You shot him a meaningful look. “For multiple reasons.”

The younger man looked as if he was going to protest again when you held up a hand. “Colter. You may not like it but you need to do as I’m telling you. If the Bureau finds any of you here…” You could tell that he didn’t care so much about himself but you let your eyes briefly flick in Russell’s direction, who was busy glaring at the man you had bound to the chair. You saw Colter’s expression immediately change and you knew you had succeeded in convincing him to vacate the area as soon as possible.

He nodded his head in assent. “Okay.” He laid a hand on Doug’s shoulder, prompting the man to look up at him, and urged him to start moving to the door.

“Okay? What do you mean okay?” Russell huffed.

Colter held up a hand. “Russell—”

“No.” Russell turned a glare on you. “Not okay. He’s a loose end that needs tying up. He knows who we are now, he came after Doug, and the FBI isn’t going to do shit with him.” You narrowed your eyes in a glare but he continued. “That’s not an insult. It’s the truth and you know it. They’re going to what? Get him to talk, to roll over on someone else he has connections to who’s higher up their food chain, and he gets off scot free? No, not happening on my watch.” 

He took a step forward and so did you, in front of Solano. You drew your gun but held it loosely across your waist, your finger on the trigger, ready and waiting should you need it. Russell stopped cold, his eyes flickering back and forth between you and the weapon in your hand. Colter and Doug were frozen, watching the scene unfold.

“I told you,” you said in the most deadly serious tone you could muster. “I’m taking him in, alive. If you have a problem with that, well…” You flipped the safety on the gun off. “You’ll have to go through me. And I promise you, my aim is a hell of a lot more accurate at close range than it’s ever been.”

Russell didn’t blink, he just kept scowling at you.

“Russ?” Colter called.

“Don’t make me kill you in front of him, Russell,” you murmured so only the two of you would hear. You were serious as a heart attack. No matter how you had felt about him once upon a time, this was important enough for you to make good on your threat if you needed to.

“You wouldn’t.”

“I would and it will be justified by the higher ups as protection of a high-valued target before your body goes cold.” You hated saying the words but it was nothing but the truth that you spoke. You hoped he heard the message underneath your words: walk away, this isn’t worth dying over. “And he’ll be further traumatized,” you inclined your head in Colter’s direction. “Losing his brother right in front of him, just like he lost his dad.” You knew that was a severely low blow but he also needed to hear you. 

As expected, Russell’s jaw clenched and you saw a twitch in the good arm he had, the one that was holding his gun. “Don’t be stupid and do that to him,” you warned. “Walk away.”

That cold look was back in his eyes again. You mentally prepared yourself for what was about to go down. You had hoped he wouldn’t force your hand but then again, Russell Shaw had always been the epitome of stubborn, usually to his own detriment…and yours.   

“Russell?” Colter tried again.

“Russ, come on, man. Let it be for now,” Doug added in, trying to help. “And let’s regroup.”

This time, Russell appeared to hear them both, his gaze breaking from yours momentarily, flickering over Solano behind you, who was laughing and smirking in the former’s direction, clearly enjoying the standoff over him. 

Russell’s eyes met yours again but this time, there was nothing familiar about the green you used to stare into when he’d sway with you on the dance floor to a slow song playing overhead or when you’d both wear matching sated grins and laugh, a pleasant exhaustion overtaking you as he pulled you into his arms in a motel bed. It was almost like staring into a dark void and you couldn’t help but wonder how often that void showed up during war or if the war created it — the old chicken or the egg question. Either way, you knew you’d succeeded in convincing him to leave, but you’d also have to watch yourself. There was no warmth left in those jade-colored orbs when they focused on you. You’d done your work well; you’d crossed a line that you could never go back from.

“Alright,” he capitulated, loud enough that the two men near the doorway heard him. He relaxed his arm and slipped his gun into a pocket in his vest. His face lightened a little and a strained smile worked its way across his face. He glanced back at his brother. “She’s right. We should get Doug out of here.” He turned back to face you, his smile fading. “She’s got this.” He then glanced in Solano’s direction, smirking right back. “I’ll see you soon,” he promised, giving him a finger gun and winking, before his expression became stone once more and he walked away, glaring at you as he did.

You lifted your chin, not reacting in the slightest, until Solano shouted out, “You’ll be seeing me? No, puta, I’ll be seeing you. You’ll never see it coming, you hear me? You’ll never see it co—” You spun a few degrees and pistol-whipped him, causing the jackass to cry out in pain before you turned back to face Doug and the two most important men in your life. “Get going,” you growled out, lifting your phone with your other hand as a subtle threat.

Colter gave you a nod, the concern still there in his dark brown gaze as he led Doug out the door. Russell’s eyes never left you, even when he walked out the door a moment later, following his little brother’s lead. You never looked away even when he was past the threshold. 

You ignored Solano’s yelling threats and kept your eyes on the spot you had last seen the Shaws disappear through a few minutes longer than needed, tense and ready in case Russell decided to double back. Though you highly doubted he’d come at you from the same angle. A part of you was making sure you stayed prepared in case there was an ambush, yes, but another part of you knew your gaze was lingering on the spot because you knew things had now drastically changed between you and Russell forever. He would never forgive your threats and you would never forgive yourself for having to make them. Though that remorse was more related to Colter than his brother. Regardless, when it came to the Shaws now, you were fucked. Not even Dory would want to hear from you, not that she had all that much before, but now it was definitely a no go. And that saddened you tremendously.

Hearing more of Solano’s threats, you recentered your focus on the task at hand and prepared to wait, giving him one more pistol whip for good measure, before you settled in and kept both eyes and ears open for any possible ambush that might come your way before you could finish up here. 

You leaned against the workstation next to the chair, waiting, gun still in hand and your eyes focused on it. You had waited a certain amount of time to allow the boys to get out of the area.

“The soldado was right, you know. They’re not going to hold me,” Solano bragged.

You briefly closed your eyes in annoyance. He had been talking ever since you were left alone with him. He had offered you money to let him go, offered you riches and power that you knew for a fact he had no business offering. He even had the nerve to propose making you one of his new lieutenants, citing your fighting skills and gun handling that he’d briefly witnessed. He knew you would be able to protect him because you had from the asesinos who had killed his brother. He then changed tactics, threatening you, your loved ones, the men who just left…now, he was boasting about how he would walk free and whatever charges were thrown at him wouldn’t stick. You just wished he would shut the hell up already. Needless to say, it had been a long twenty minutes. You now understood why his brother had been the businessman and he was only the muscle willing to do the dirty work. His bargaining skills were for shit, not that it mattered in the scheme of things. No deals were being made today.

“I offer them a little bit of money and they’ll just make the case go away. Just like that.”

You checked your watch. Twenty two minutes now. That was good enough. You slowly got to your feet and moved past him to look out the window. You had purposely moved his chair out of the sight of the glass, in case Russell got any ideas.

“That’s how it works here in America. Everybody knows that. If the criminals have money and power, they don’t stay in jail.”

You ignored him, glancing around to see if there was any movement outside. You didn’t see any. 

“They won’t keep me locked up. They weren’t able to in my home country. What makes you think they’ll be able to here? Where corruption is ripe and anyone can be bought? And then I’ll be coming for you and for your friends. You will wish for death long before I am through with you.”

You made your way to another window, lifting the curtain and looking around. Still nothing.

“There’s no point in bringing me to jail. It will never hold me.”

You lowered the curtain and squared your shoulders, turning to face his direction. You focused on him, staring right into his eyes. “You know, I think you’re right.”

Solano seemed pleasantly surprised for a moment, thinking you were finally stupid enough to take one of his offers, before his eyes narrowed with realization. “No, wait—”

You quickly lifted your gun and squeezed off a round. His head snapped back from the force and the space behind him was spattered with red among other things. One glance confirmed your aim had been accurate; he was dead. Right through the eye. What you’d said to Russell earlier hadn’t been an exaggeration; you were much more accurate at close range than you’d ever been.

You slipped a pair of gloves on that you pulled from your pants pocket and immediately started unzipping the small compartments on the side of your vest where you usually kept extra ammo in a raid, pulling out small white bottles that weren’t sporting any labels. You began to squirt the liquid from inside them all around the room, dousing Solano’s body with a healthy amount.

You continued into the house, having quite a few bottles of lighter fluid to empty out in specific areas that would help achieve your goal. Arson wasn’t your preferred route but it did get rid of pesky little things like hair and DNA, and what it didn’t, it contaminated which would make it harder for not only law enforcement but the justice system to work with. Though you weren’t too worried about either looking at this particular house fire too closely.

You didn’t bother collecting any bullet casings, knowing that your gun and the ones you’d given Colter to use would be untraceable even if they somehow managed to get a hold of any of the weapons (which they wouldn’t). And Russell’s gun…you figured he had that handled. The only thing you did collect were your handcuffs. 

You also didn’t bother staging anything for the scene. There was already enough evidence that pointed to the theory that Solano’s own men had turned on him and a gunfight ensued, resulting in the multiple dead bodies. While an arson specialist would most likely be able to tell that an accelerant had been used, there was no way for them to confirm just who had been present for this battle and who had gotten away. Satellite imagery would be shoddy at best due to the foliage cover (and eventual smoke) but still, you planned to set the fire and make your getaway out the back, crossing over the landing strip so if they went back to look for any heat signatures after the fire started, it would be one person leaving the scene alive, the person they would assume had started the blaze. There were no nearby neighbors to immediately call first responders but that didn’t mean smoke wouldn’t be seen from the sky from miles away or that a fiery orange blaze in the distance wouldn’t be noticed by residents of another vacation home or cars traveling the backroads in the area. Since you planned to go into the deep woods and take the long roundabout route back to your car, you weren’t too worried about your path being followed.

Once you had completed all of your tasks, you used the fireplace to help, moving the grate out of the way, starting a fire, and then knocking a fiery log onto the wooden flooring. You used a lighter to set flammable materials that you could find to add to the flames. Only when the room was nearly engulfed did you finally slip a beanie from your pocket, cover your head fully, and make your way out of the house. Once at the landing strip, you ducked under the plane, making sure you couldn’t be seen from above. 

You watched as the flames consumed the house. Once the smoke was sufficient, flames were ragings out of the windows, and the sound of breaking glass could be heard, you knew it was time for you to vacate the vicinity before the sirens started up. It was fortunate that most people were asleep at this hour but the sun was due to come up not too long from now and you had a long trek ahead of you, so you needed to get moving.

You kept your head down and made your way into the woods surrounding the property line. 

The sun was breaching the horizon and quickly warming the sky by the time you made it back to your car. You were relieved that Colter’s truck was gone and you needed to quickly make tracks as well. Sirens had started up an hour ago and you needed to get the hell out of Dodge before the cops were all over these roads. You tossed your weapons and vest into the trunk and got in the car. You slipped your beanie off your head, tossing it onto the seat next to you, and started the engine.

Just as you had expected, cops were everywhere but thankfully, you had timed it just right and gotten out before they could block all of the mountain roads. Once you were back in town a few hours later and a certain distance away, you pulled a phone out of your glove compartment you kept there for emergencies and turned it on. You pressed a button and it immediately dialed the number programmed — the only number you had saved on this device. 

It rang once before the same voice from yesterday picked up. “Is it done?”

“We’re clear,” you confirmed. “It’s been handled.”

“Shaw?”

Your jaw clenched. You knew that despite how you and Russell had left things earlier, you would do whatever it took to keep him breathing. “He’s a soldier. He follows orders.”

“He wasn’t so willing to follow orders in this situation.”

“You know what they’re taught. Leave no man behind. He got his man so he’ll be fine. Things can go back to how they were. He’s not going to be an issue and he’s clean, just like you wanted.”

And then you were asked the one question you didn’t want to hear. “And the brother? What’s your assessment?”

The knuckles of your free hand gripped your steering wheel so tightly that you could see how white your skin turned from the pressure. “Non-issue. He has no interest in you.”

“He seemed interested yesterday.”

You forced yourself to remain calm and nonchalant. “He’s paid to be nosy when someone goes missing so he can get them found. He found who he was looking for, he was able to keep the promise to the guy’s wife — it’s over for him. The case is closed, it’s as simple as that for him. He’s no threat.”

You waited to hear a response, holding your breath and your hand gripping the wheel even tighter, your body tensed. This would be what decided your fate. Either you would be allowed to go on as before or you’d be going on a mission up against one of the top private security contractor firms in the world which wouldn’t end well for you. But you’d take out whoever you could with you before you were killed.

Another moment passed before the voice replied, “Understood.”

Your body relaxed slightly and your shoulders sunk in relief. Colter was safe. Russell was safe…for now. And you didn’t have to go all Rambo Kamikaze on anyone. Win-win all around.

“I’ll let the higher ups know the situation has been contained. Good work. We’ll be in touch.”

Without waiting for a response from you, the call disconnected. You quickly shut the phone off and tossed it back into its original spot. You let out a deep breath and the exhaustion from the past twelve hours immediately overtook your body. Deciding that returning to your place was not an option for you right now, you headed to another part of town, parked your car on the street some blocks away to the nearest motel, and using a baseball cap to cover your hair along with sunglasses, you hoofed it and then booked a room, paying cash and using a fake name. Once you set up everything you needed to in your quarters, you slipped onto the mattress and got some much needed rest, keeping your gun under your pillow within reach should you need it.

You pulled up to Colter’s trailer, watching as he stepped outside to greet you. You put your car in park, took a deep breath, and got out. You offered Colter a small smile. “Hey.”

He returned it. “Hey.”

You had been surprised when Colter called you a few days later to let you know he was still in town for a bit and invited you to drop by for a beer. Not surprised that he was still around (you already knew that) but surprised that he even wanted to speak to you. Perhaps Russell hadn’t told him what you’d threatened back in the mountains.

You took the beer he offered to you and followed him over to the firepit, taking a seat on one of the coolers. He sat nearby and held up his bottle in a toast. You mirrored him and then you both took a sip. You nearly sighed in satisfaction as the carbonated beverage slid down your throat. You enjoyed the taste and checked the label. “Mmm, home brew…not bad. You got something you want to tell me? Planning on opening some sort of brewery outfit anytime soon?” You were teasing but if Colter really was thinking of doing something else — anything else — instead of his current job, you’d fully support it.

“Not me.” Disappointment flared in your chest, your hope dashed. “Russ was actually the one who made it. I had some left over from the other night.”

The beer suddenly began to sour in your stomach. Well, you supposed it was good that Russell was starting to think of the future, the most important part of that being that there would be one. It still burned a bit, though.

You decided to change the subject so you wouldn’t have to think about that right then. “So, your guy is back home safe?”

Colter nodded. “Dropped him off myself.” Something else you already knew but you had to keep up appearances.

You nodded, biting your lip and staring into the flames. “And your brother?”

Out of the corner of your eye, you noticed Colter’s jaw tense for a moment. “Gone.” Though you had an idea that was the case, Colter’s confirmation still stung, like someone poking a finger into an old wound after ripping the scar tissue away. But what else had you expected? This was Russell Shaw you two were talking about after all.

You snorted and shook your head, taking another swig of beer. “Of course he is.”

He turned to look at you. “You know, you never told me what happened between you two.”

You shrugged a shoulder. “Not worth going into, trust me.”

Thankfully, Colter left it alone and he rolled with it when you brought up a different topic instead. 

“So, how much longer are you here for?”

“Teddi and Velma are working on that right now actually. Hopefully, something pops up soon.” He took another sip of beer, turning to gaze at the flames as well.

“It will.” Fortunately for him and sadly for others, someone would always go missing.

“How about you? Are they sending you somewhere for a new case or are they going to let you stay local for a bit? If it’s the latter, maybe you could get a dog for that place of yours?”

You smirked and ran your thumb down the smooth glass of the brown bottle in your hand. Colter kept teasing you about the residence you maintained nearby considering you were never really there most of the time. He’d then extoll the virtues of living on the open road, not having roots put down anywhere that would grow into expectations, and the unrestrained thrill of it all. The first time you’d had that conversation, you knew then that the desire to keep moving and stay unburdened must be a male Shaw thing. Dory seemed happy where she had settled and you — you wanted a home base. Some place you could come back to where you were still able to connect to yourself again, no matter how lost at sea you might be at times, no matter how much you felt as if every single piece of you was floating away on the wind until only a monster was left standing there, staring back at you in the rearview mirror of your car.

“Right now, I have a few things I need to close up,” you lied. “Then I’ll probably get sent out in the field again to work some cases.” You hated lying to him but you had no choice. His safety came first. As much as you had hated Russell for a time, you could now appreciate the difficult position he was in. Though, he had chosen to be put there, and now, so had you. 

You watched Colter nod, accepting your answer. “I still think a German Shepherd would be a great choice for you,” he teased. “You know, a big dog, trainable, would make a good guard dog. You could take it with you, chase suspects down together...”

“Oh yeah, I could see it now,” you played along. “I’d have to sneak him into hotel rooms, make sure he doesn’t take a shit on the rug… Then we’d go on the job and I could introduce him to everyone, ‘I’m Special Agent Y/L/N but you can call me Turner and this is my partner Hooch.’”

Colter winced. “No, no. You have to give him a name that will strike fear into the hearts of the criminals you track down. Like General or Commando or Killer. Killer! Now that’s a good name. That will make anyone think twice about running from a dog with that name.”

This time, you were the one who winced though you hid it well. Instead, you forced out a laugh. “I am not getting a huge dog named Killer and bringing him to work with me.”

He grinned. “That’s a shame. I would have loved to have seen the look on your face when the dog would sit in the front seat.”

“There would be no front seat sitting. Back seat only.”

“Like a criminal who he just helped you to arrest? That’s cold, even for you.”

“I am so glad that you have this imaginary dog of mine’s back.”

He snickered and took a drink, looking back at the flames. Your smile slowly faded as you did the same. You both sat there, drinking in a companionable silence for a bit.

Eventually, your eyes flickered over towards him. “I need you to promise me something.”

His brows drew together questioningly when he met your gaze.

“Horizon…” You noticed him tense slightly at the mention. “No more.” When you saw the confusion in his expression, you elaborated. “No more digging, no more Reenie asking her contacts about them, no more mention of them period. You got the guy you were looking for. Now, put it to bed and forget that you ever knew they existed.”

His confusion increased. “I did put it to bed the second I dropped Doug off at his door and saw him hug his wife.”

You gave him a look. “Col, I need you to promise me,” you softly entreated. 

His brows arched slightly at the use of the nickname; you didn’t use it often and if you were, then he knew you meant business. He also knew what you were telling him without explicitly saying it; Horizon was dangerous and they were better left alone. It would be better for him to get a case of sudden amnesia about anything related to the organization.

He watched you for a moment before giving you a nod. “As long as nobody else goes missing like Doug did and as long as Russ is okay, they’re forgotten.”

You knew that was the best you were going to get from him and you leaned forward slightly. “And if anything happens to Russ, I’ll be right there with you, knocking on their front door,” you promised. And you would be; no question about it.

The corner of his lips tipped up in the beginning of a smile and after a moment, you couldn’t help but return it. 

The coffee shop you were in was decently quiet considering it was around 8:55 in the morning and most people were making their last minute dashes for caffeine before the working day began. You sat near the window, facing the entrance so you could keep an eye on who came in and out. You had ordered your usual, a soy vanilla latte, and you carefully sipped at the hot liquid. You scanned your phone for the day’s headlines, looking for any updates on the mysterious house fire that started in the mountains a few nights ago.  

You knew you wouldn’t find any and sure enough, you didn’t. Someone was working overtime to squash the case from up above, just like you knew they would. You also knew that some local law enforcement officials didn’t buy the criminals-turning-on-their-boss theory and they actually thought the scene looked like a professional hit. Exactly what you figured would happen when accelerants had been found to be used at the scene. As much as you were sure the cops were looking to sink their teeth into something exciting to happen in those parts in however long, the bottom line was the case would get dropped and no one was going to care what happened to a violent criminal like Carlos Solano. The FBI would actually be relieved to remove one more name from their list, one more file from their desks. One more dangerous bad guy removed from the world that threatened American citizens as well as national security. No one was going to miss the murderous bastard.

You powered down your screen and placed your phone on the table, turning to glance out the window. That was when you saw him. Well, the reflection of him. 

You watched as he walked towards you, still dressed in a ratty pair of jeans and old boots, wearing another t-shirt with a different musician on it while sporting an open button-up over it, and donning that old military style jacket. His eyes were intent on you and you had to wonder how he had gotten in without you seeing him. The answer was in the reflection of someone walking past him to get to the bathrooms in the rear of the cafe. There was no exit located near there, you knew that because this was a local spot of yours, so how did he… Shit.

Even though you watched him in the glass and he watched you back, you didn’t give anything away to alert him that you knew he was there. You started calculating in your head how many people stood in between you and the front door (your only exit at this point), how much force you would have to use to catch him off guard and knock him to the ground so you could make your escape, and how fast you would have to run to your car. You even had a moment to debate drawing your gun and your badge, and making a scene to get yourself out of this mess. But all of that proved to be for naught when he came to a stop near you and announced his presence by asking, “This seat taken?”

You slowly turned to face him, arching an inquisitive brow, but you eventually shook your head. His lips twitched into the beginning of a smirk and he took the seat across from you. His eyes were a lot lighter than they were the other day as they took you in. “Looking good, Y/N. Like always.”

Your eyes narrowed. “Really?”

He shrugged and reached for your coffee, taking the lid off. You hated it when he did this, the whole sharing coffee thing; now you would need to order another one…well, depending on how this impromptu meeting went. “What, I can’t tell my girl that she looks good?” He took a sip and made a face. “How do you still drink this crap? It tastes like foam mixed with shit.”

“And free garbage coffee from the lobby of the latest scuzzy motel you’re staying in doesn’t?”

“Hey, don’t knock it. They have real nice machines now and it tastes the way coffee should. Not like this bullshit.”

You watched as he grabbed a spoon, added some sugar, and began stirring the crap out of what had once been your perfect latte. You thought over what he’d said before. “I’m not your girl, Russell.” His eyes met yours. “I haven’t been for some time now.”

He finished stirring and removed the spoon, lifting the glass to take a sip. “You’ll always be my girl.”

You snorted and lifted a finger in the air to signal to the barista that you wanted another coffee. The kid gave you a nod and turned to make it. “Is that what you tell yourself when you’re hooking up with cheerleaders-turned-dental-hygienists in hot tubs?”

Russell pressed his lips together and looked appropriately chastised, not even bothering to deny it. “Colter told you. I should’ve known he would mention it. You two were always close like that.”   

You didn’t confirm or deny that. There was no point in mentioning that Colter hadn’t been the one to tell you, not intentionally anyway. Instead, you leaned forward in your chair. “What do you want, Russell?”

“I wanted to talk to you.”

“About what?” You snapped. You had been on edge, thinking he was here to either kill you or threaten you. Then him hitting on you and making that asinine and incredibly presumptuous statement bothered you more than you cared to admit. Not to mention he pissed you off when he took the latte you’d decided to treat yourself with after a few difficult days (without even asking you might add), knowing how that had irked you anytime he did it when you were dating. It was like the man was begging you to put a foot in his ass.

Russell glanced around briefly before removing something from inside his jacket. It was a folded up newspaper and he slapped it down in front of you. A picture of a burnt out structure stared back up at you with the headline reading above it “House Fire Claims 8 Lives, Sheriff Confirms Arson”. Your eyes met his and in that moment, you knew that he knew.

You refused to give it away just like that, though. If he wanted the truth, he’d have to work for it. He wasn’t getting anything for free, not from you, not anymore. You gave him a smirk. “Is this your way of telling me that you’ve finally learned to read, Russ? I’m impressed, really.”

Instead of being insulted, his eyes widened slightly. “You called me Russ.”

You sat back in your chair, pushing the newspaper away from you and prying eyes, waiting for the barista making his way over to you to deliver your coffee. “Slip of the tongue. Won’t happen again.” You smiled at the young kid in thanks when he placed the drink down in front of you and promptly slid your glass out of Russell’s reach. He saw it and immediately worked to smother a smile as the kid walked away.

“So, you got any more interesting tricks I should know about?”

Without any preamble, Russell said, “Solano’s dead,” the exact second you took a sip of your new coffee. If he was expecting any reaction to the news, he was in for disappointment when you didn’t give it.

“Yes, I heard. Quite unfortunate.”

“They’re all dead actually. Even that guard we subdued in the beginning.”

You remembered; you’d been the one to kill him after all. Once Russell and Colter got to their feet after knocking the guard out and started moving towards the house, you quietly pulled a knife and slipped the blade into the side of the man’s head. You’d cut his zip ties, removed them and the gag, and then caught up to the guys — all within seconds. You had made sure to move the guard’s body inside later, right before you’d started the fire, trying your best to get rid of any drag marks you’d left on the ground. You were there to clean up the mess, not leave witnesses, even if they had never seen any of you coming.

You nodded. “I know, I heard that, too. Is there a point here somewhere or can I get back to the nice morning I was having before you showed up to steal my coffee?”

Russell was the one to lean forward this time, lowering his voice even further. “You said you were calling in the FBI for a pickup. Who did you really call?”

You could tell he was trying to give you an out, an opportunity to explain that it wasn’t what he was thinking, and maybe you should have lied your ass off…but you no longer wanted to. You knew Russell; he wasn’t going to let this go until he had an answer that he deemed to be the truth. And while you could give him a distorted version of that truth that didn’t land at your feet, a petty part of you wanted him to know. 

“Y/N?” He pressed. “Who did you call?”

You sat back in your chair, considering him for a moment before you spoke. “No one.”

Russell dropped his head, briefly closing his eyes. “Fuck, I was afraid of that.” He glanced up at you, his eyes full of a sadness you hadn’t seen in some time. You knew he wouldn’t be happy if he ever found out the truth, but not to this extent. “I told you to walk away and let me handle it.” His voice was softer, not as gruff as before. You realized then that you’d accomplished what that vindictive side of you had wanted all along, ever since the day he walked away; you’d hurt him and caused him pain. Pain that you could see clear as day lining his face right now. He wasn’t even trying to hide it. And quite frankly, that pain caught you off guard. After all of this time, this is what it took for him to feel even a sliver of what you’d felt back in the day when he’d left you bleeding, your heart torn from your chest and sitting in pieces on the floor he’d just casually walked over to get to the door?

Not really sure what to make of this development or the emotions it caused to rise up within you, you went into pure professional mode and forged ahead. “The three of you didn’t need to be involved.” You could see the pain getting worse and it made you uncomfortable, something prodding at your chest and itching at your skin that you really didn’t care for. “Besides, last I checked, I don’t take orders from you, Shaw.” You threw his last name in there as a last resort to put even more distance there between you.

His eyes flicked from the newspaper to you. “Who do you take orders from then? Something tells me this wasn’t FBI-sanctioned.” 

You surreptitiously glanced around you before leaning in, lowering your voice.“You know, going to your handler’s house during her kid’s birthday party was a pretty bad idea. Ann really didn’t like that.” You watched as Russell’s eyes widened slightly before his face fell, a dreaded realization filling his expression. He had never mentioned her name to you before and he knew Colter hadn’t mentioned her to you either when giving you the rundown of what they knew before meeting up in the mountains. You sat back, tensed and ready for whatever came next. 

His jaw clenched. “How long?” He ground out.

“Long enough.”

You kept your gaze trained on his and you did your best to read him, trying to assess what he might do, now that the pain was all but absent since your revelation. Would he tell you to watch your back and leave? Would he tell you to stay away from Colter for good? It was hard to gauge from the way he was staring at you right then. You could see anger bubbling underneath but you also caught something coming to the surface that strangely looked like remorse. Considering you hadn’t seen that emotion on him too often, it was tough to be sure in your identification of it. And then something flickered in his eyes right then, something so fast you almost didn’t catch it, but you did. Fear that quickly dissolved into determination. You braced yourself for whatever he would say or do; this was it. This would determine your next steps.

Instead, he surprised you once more. He snatched the newspaper up and slipped it back into his jacket, before reaching over and taking your hand in his. “I’m getting you out of here. Now. Let’s go.”

Stunned, you wordlessly got to your feet but then it hit you, you were about to go somewhere alone with him. Not that you couldn’t handle yourself but he had still been Special Ops once upon a time and he killed people for a living…just like you. 

“Russell, I’m not—”

“Yes, you are,” he growled. “I’m getting you as far from here as I can. I’ve got a buddy who has a cabin in upstate New York. It’s got months-long supplies, power and running water, and a small armory. You’ll be safe there until this whole thing blows over.”

You yanked your hand out of his and grabbed your phone and jacket. “I’m plenty safe here. I have no reason to run, so I’m staying. You want to leave? Go right ahead. We both know it’s what you’re best at.” The sadness was back but you looked away from it. Yes, that had been another low blow but it was also well-deserved. You moved past him, refusing to look over your shoulder even once. There was no way he’d do anything out in the open; he wouldn’t dare risk it, especially now.

You slipped into your car, not surprised in the least when Russell got in on the other side before you could even think about locking the doors.

“What are you doing?” You hissed.

“What’s it look like?” He clicked his seatbelt. “I’m staying with you until you agree to my plan to get you someplace safe or you explain how the hell this even happened.” He pulled out the newspaper, holding it up for a moment before tossing it to the floor. You could see the determined set to his jaw and you knew he meant it. 

“Russell,” You pinched the bridge of your nose. “I do not have time for this.” You blew out a quiet breath and turned to face him. “Now I suggest you get out of my car or—”

“You’ll shoot me?” He shot you a look. Yeah, he was still pissed about the threats you’d made a few nights ago. You supposed you couldn’t blame him but you did what you had to do to get him and his brother out of there. You had regrets but they were slim. “We both know you won’t.”

That infuriated you and had you seething. “You think I won’t?”

“I know you won’t. Just like I know that no matter how much you tell yourself that you hate me, you really don’t.”

You scoffed out a laugh in disbelief. “Wow, you really are incredibly delusi—”

“I also know you would never do that to my brother.” Your glare in his direction intensified. “You’ve always been protective of him. Just like me.” A glimmer of a fond smile worked its way onto his bearded face.

Your jaw clenched and you looked away from him, back towards the coffee shop you had just stormed out of, your grip tightening on your steering wheel. It was true; you’d always looked out for Colter in some way ever since you’d gotten to know him through Russell. 

While the relationship between the brothers had been strained for years, it didn’t mean that there hadn’t been a couple of times where Dory hadn’t attempted to get them into a room together to try to fix what had been broken. In one such instance, Russell had brought you along, after shocking you by asking you two nights before to accompany him. The man had spent over a decade in the military, worked Special Ops, and there wasn’t much he was afraid of, if at all. But when you were wrapping leftovers to throw into the fridge and he’d laid a hand on your shoulder, turning you to face him, you’d never seen Russell Shaw look so worried, vulnerable, and damn near terrified in all of the time you’d known him. You’d even felt it when he’d enfolded you into his arms and whispered into your ear that he was due to meet up with his family in the next two days, asking you to come with him. How could you say no to that? You knew of the family’s tragic history and the simmering tensions that still existed between the Shaws who were still alive; Russell had told you everything, even about how his mom had hung him out to dry (though he made excuses for her which made you grind your teeth). And for him to ask you to go, to meet his family, you knew then just how important this was for him. So you went, squeezed his hand in silent support whenever he appeared to need it, and did your best to provide distraction whenever things got a little too tense or heated. Dory didn’t care for you too much; you got the distinct feeling that she wasn’t happy Russell had brought an interloper to a family-only discussion. But Colter…Colter you got along with from the start. 

Colter seemed happier to talk to you than his brother and you could tell that bothered Russell tremendously. He had told you once how much he missed his siblings at times, especially his little brother, and he would never stop hoping to patch things up with them one day. Sure enough, he tried to interject into the conversation a few times with you helping as much as you could, but each time Colter shut him down. It was blatantly obvious that the younger man wanted nothing to do with him and there was definitely some resentment still floating around after years of estrangement. Needless to say, things hadn’t ended well at that dinner and you weren’t surprised that Russell drank a little heavier that night. Nor were you surprised when he grasped at you in the hotel room and pulled you to him, his lips claiming yours as he began unbuttoning your shirt and moving you towards the bed. You knew he was hurting and you let him take solace in you as you whispered loving assurances in his ear. 

After that, Colter surprised you by calling you a couple of months down the road, apologetically asking for your help on a case he had picked up. Though he didn’t know you well, he was in a rough spot and needed a helping hand, particularly a Federal one. You saw the opportunity for what it had been, an opening of a possible door between him and Russell, so you took it. You helped Colter as much as you could without risking being read the riot act by your superior, and you two got to know each other better as you worked together. It happened a few more times and you had even called Colter in to assist on a case of your own that you had snagged. You had gone for beers afterwards each time and you’d tried your best to talk to him, to convince him to give Russell a chance. He hadn’t been interested, was resistant to it even, but he liked you and he was starting to trust you a little more each time. He’d even reluctantly admitted once that he was glad his brother had you, immediately following up with “He better be treating you right, though.” You had simply smiled and assured him that Russell very much was. 

You didn’t mention the odd absences a few times a month (sometimes with little to no warning), the radio silence during these stints, and the avoidance of any penetrating questions upon his return — all of it that had become conditional to your relationship by that point. And Russell certainly wasn’t happy at all to find out you’d been working with Colter once you told him. You both had arguments before like any common couple but nothing like this. You had never seen him so angry and he’d laughed when you told him he had no need to be jealous if that was what he was worried about, you loved him and you were trying to make things better for the both of them, to pave the way for him to be able to make peace with his brother. 

“You just don’t get it.” 

He had shaken his head and glared over at you before he walked out of the room, away from you. From then on, Russell became even more secretive, distant, and cold as ice. Gone was the easy affection, heart to heart talks, and playful banter between you. Gone were the tender touches, gentle kisses, and passionate sex. The love of your life turned into a stranger right before your very eyes. It hadn’t been too long after that when he’d left for good, leaving your heart shattered on your hardwood floor. As time passed, you were surprised he hadn’t just packed up and left in the middle of the night while you were sleeping, without a single word to you and completely ghosting you, since he had been intent on leaving you in his past. It might have been kinder actually compared to the things he’d said to you as a final goodbye before walking away for good. 

So whenever you had dared to think back on it over the last few years, you’d always figured the fight over Colter had contributed in some way to the rapid unraveling of your relationship. Well, that fight and…other things.

“Let’s go somewhere we can talk,” Russell urged, breaking you out of your thoughts. “Come on, Y/N, you owe me that at least.”

You turned the most menacing glare on him that was possible for you to give someone. “I don’t owe you shit,” you bit out. How dare he say that? To you of all people?  

His jaw tightened and after a moment, he agreed with a soft nod. “Fair enough.” 

You broke away from his intent gaze a minute later, your decision made as you turned the car on. “You know what? If this will get you out of my life for good this time, then fine. Let’s talk. And don’t be so sure I won’t shoot you afterwards should you continue to piss me off. You’re right, I do care about Colter,” You scowled over at him. “But not that deeply.”

Russell matched your scowl but wisely kept quiet as you backed your car out of your parking spot. You felt an immediate surge of guilt for having said that about his younger brother. You did care about Colter, more than you would ever admit to anyone, even your ex. There was nothing remotely romantic between you two; there never had been and there never would be. But Russell had been right; you were protective of him. Not only because he was a good man but he also reminded you of someone you had lost long ago. You would bend over backwards to keep him safe (as safe as you could given his chosen career), even if it meant putting yourself in harm’s way. He had truly become like a brother to you. 

But you had also meant what you said just now. If Russell continued to irritate you, there was no way he was leaving this time without you putting a bullet in him. Right in his ass before the door could hit it when he turned his back on you for the last time. That or a good old fashioned ass kicking in the form of your right hook. After everything he’d done, he deserved nothing less.  

You pulled up to a local motel that you had booked a room at the last few days, in case you needed to close up shop and haul ass out of town quickly. It wasn’t the same establishment you had gone to the morning of the fire and you still had your place thirty minutes away, but you had learned it was always best to prepare for any eventuality. Especially after a job needing to be done so close to home. You had seen what happened with Doug; who was to say Horizon wouldn’t leave you out to dry, too, should the heat from the fire get a little too close?

You got out and headed over to the door, unlocking it and stepping inside, not looking back to see if Russell was following you. Neither of you had spoken on the ride over (which was probably for the best) and you didn’t glance at him once. Instead, you had done your damndest to tamp down the fury you felt racing through your veins as more and more memories played out in your mind. Now that Russell had a vague idea of the truth of what you had been doing all of this time, everything you had ever wanted to say to him seemed to be trying to rush to the surface as well as all of the pain you had endured.

You slipped your suit jacket off and tossed it onto the bedspread. You heard the door shut behind you and you spun around, seeing Russell’s eyes scanning the room, stopping on the bed, and then lifting to you. You scoffed and unbuttoned the sleeves of your blouse, rolling them up to your forearms. “Not happening so don’t even think about it,” you hissed.

“Wasn’t going there.”

You didn’t believe him. “Right.” You took a seat at the table and impatiently gestured to the seat across from you. “Well?”

He sat down and without missing a beat, dove right in. “How the hell did this even happen, Y/N?”

“Really? That’s what you’re starting out with?”

Russell shot you a look.

You let out an aggravated sigh and sat back in your chair, crossing your legs and getting comfortable. “I was recruited, not too long after you left.”

His jaw dropped. “They approached you?”

Nodding, your jaw tightened thinking back to that time. It wasn’t a memory you liked revisiting. You were at your lowest, Russell having just walked out like the four and a half years you’d spent together hadn’t meant a damn thing to him. He had been it for you. You had put everything you had into the relationship, which proved to be a difficult balancing act sometimes between your career at the Bureau and Russell’s job that he wouldn’t tell you too much about. You both had overcome so much together…all for him to tell you that he simply didn’t love you anymore, give you a shitty apology, and walk right out the door years later. Like you had simply been an amusing distraction, nothing more. Like you had merely been a stopping point in his journey and now he was bored and moving on. The breakup would’ve hurt regardless but the cold detached manner he’d spoken to you with caused more pain than you would have ever been willing to admit. It was a good thing you had already become a Special Agent by then, not stuck to any one location or field office, given how often you were hungover for some weeks there. You had attempted to track him down (which hadn’t been easy) to try to talk to him, to make him see reason; you didn’t believe that he had stopped loving you just like that. But when you had finally located him, he had been holed up in a dingy motel, similar to this one, but he wasn’t alone. That had hurt beyond words and it had taken everything for you not to say anything, not to let him see you, and turn back around, heading home with your tail between your legs and your head hanging in heartbroken defeat. 

None of it made sense to you. How had your life changed so drastically in a single day? Perhaps you had never really known Russell Shaw. Perhaps you only saw what he wanted you to see. But when you replayed the last few weeks of your relationship, even the fight over Colter, something still wasn’t jiving. So you buried yourself in work during the day and as deep into the bottle as you could during the late nights. Until they showed up.

“And you said yes?” He asked in disbelief.

Your eyes flicked to Russell, narrowing. “Why not? You did.”

He pressed his lips together. You had him there and he knew it. “That was different.”

“How?” You snapped. “Exactly how is that different, Russell?”

“I joined them long before you and I met.” Yeah, you knew that now. You knew everything he hadn’t told you the time you’d been together, minus the actual details of the off the books missions he went on. You now knew why Doug had never told Tracy anything either. Not only were they not allowed to, but It was safer that way.

“Well, bully for you, Shaw. You’ve got a few years on me at being a black ops agent and you’ve racked up a few more bodies than I have. Told way more lies, too. Congrats. Do we get you a cake or…?”

He leaned forward, covering your hand with his. “Stop. Just…talk to me,” he pleaded gently.

You hated it when he did that because you hated that it still affected you on some deep level. You rolled your eyes and moved your hand from underneath his, placing it in your lap. “They approached me about six months out from when you left.”

“Who approached you?”

Yeah, you weren’t giving him that. If you did, you knew he’d be on their doorstep in a second and that you couldn’t have. Not after you had just cleaned up the Solano mess and smoothed things over. “Doesn’t matter.”

“It does to me.” You knew that, could see it in his expression, but too bad. You both were in it now, had signed NDA’s, and details like that were meant to stay confidential anyway. 

“Someone did and that’s all you're getting.” You gave him a meaningful look. “Regardless, they offered me a job and I took it.”

You watched as Russell’s features tightened. “And the FBI thing?”

“Still active, though I’m now kept more as an ear to the ground, providing information and cleanup when need be.” You noticed a slight wince cross across his face. “They’re the ones I answer to and they’ve chosen to keep me there for the time being. I’m more effective in that setup.” Those words from your handler still burned you but over time, you had been able to adapt and utilize their refusal to fully bring you in to your advantage.

“And Solano and his men? Were they cleanup?”

You didn’t break away from his penetrating gaze and gave it to him straight. “You and Doug made quite a mess of things. So, yes, I was called in to clean it up.” He briefly closed his eyes in the same pain you had seen earlier, though you couldn’t fathom why. It had been nearly three years since he’d last professed to give a shit about you. Why would this even affect him? “Horizon wanted you kept clean and Doug was on his own. Then you idiotically showed up at Ann’s residence, not only tipping them off to the fact that you were sniffing around where you shouldn’t have been but then you allowed Colter to threaten them. You had to know that was going to ruffle quite a few feathers and put a target on your backs.”

His jaw clenched again and that dark void was back in his gaze. His fingers twitched near his phone and you knew he was itching to call his brother to check on him. “And they sent you to clean that up, too?”

You slowly shook your head. “No.” If they had, you wouldn’t be sitting here right now. Most likely, you’d be dead while Colter and Russell would hopefully be on the run or have gone into hiding. “Only to assess what threats you both posed to the organization.”

“And what was your assessment?” He watched you carefully. In this moment, you weren’t former lovers. You were two people with lethal skills and training, willing to do whatever it took to keep your loved ones safe, even from each other. 

You never broke away from his gaze, watching him back just as carefully. “What do you think?”

He stayed quiet for a moment, looking pensive and most likely turning your words over in his mind. You weren’t going to say it but knowing that gnawing feeling of constantly worrying about someone you cared deeply about, you wanted to make sure you both were on the same page of this topic. “And, Russell, if they had sent me for that, I never would.” His gaze immediately met yours. “Ever,” you promised. 

His eyes roamed over your face, most likely assessing if you were bullshitting him or telling the truth. Obviously having decided on the latter, after a minute or so, he gave you a nod. “How do you know they accepted your assessment, though? There’s no way they don’t know about you and Colter, you and me…”

This time, your jaw was the one clenching. Yeah, you were made aware of that fact when you had been approached for recruitment. That was how they knew about you, your career as a Federal agent, and how you had been involved with Russell once upon a time. When you found out more about Horizon from the inside, it didn’t surprise you one bit how deeply they dove into the background of their candidates or the amount of information they gathered on them. You’d even helped put together a few files yourself, without fully knowing what unit the candidates were being considered for of course. They kept a close watch on their assets and that was putting it lightly. 

So when you got involved with Russell, completely oblivious to what you were really getting into, Horizon had already scoped you out as well as Colter, Dory, their mother, Bobby, Reenie, Teddi, Velma — everyone. Even Colter’s on-again/off-again, Billie, and the mysterious circumstances of the death of the boys’ father. They knew it all. Horizon didn’t like surprises and you supposed you couldn’t blame them considering their line of work, but it also meant that you and everyone you cared about needed to be extra careful. 

It was one of the many reasons you couldn’t completely forgive Russell, though you now understood why he’d walked out when he did. Things had unraveled so badly between you that you’d started quietly digging into Horizon, not trusting what Russell had told you prior. Back then, you thought you’d find only what Russell had claimed: private security, perhaps a couple of Special Ops situations where an American hostage was retrieved in another country, or worse: he was lying to you and having an affair. Now, you knew he had told you the truth — a very scrubbed, limited version of the truth that omitted most of what he really did for the outfit. You remembered what he’d told you about a week and a half before he left. 

“You need to stop digging.” 

You looked upon him with confusion. One minute, you had been having a very tense and silent dinner where you could only hear forks scraping against the plates every so often, and the next, Russell was glaring over at you, speaking cryptically. “What are you talking about?”

“You know exactly what I’m talking about. You need to stop looking into Horizon and leave it alone. I mean it, Y/N. Let it be.” His eyes bored into you with warning before he got up from the table and took his plate into the kitchen, leaving you to finish your meal alone.    

Normally, you wouldn’t have listened, determined to get to the bottom of Russell’s mysterious employer, but considering how your relationship was hanging by a thread at that point, you did. Despite the warning bells going off in your head, you did as exactly as he said: you let it be. 

You suddenly remembered Russell’s question to you. “You’re still breathing, aren’t you?”

Russell affected a slow nod, thinking it over. “And Colter?”

“I told them he’s no threat,” you murmured. “I talked to him, told him to forget they exist. He agreed as long as you were safe.”

For the first time since this conversation started, you could see Russell start to relax a bit, relief saturating his features. Even a small smile started to light up the tension in his face. While you could understand the feeling, share it even, something about it had you on your feet, walking over to the small refrigerator and pulling out a bottle of water from the six pack you had tossed in there when you booked the room. You held one up in an offer but Russell shook his head. 

“I’m good.”

You shrugged, unsurprised, and twisted off the cap, taking a drink. It made sense that he was still being cautious. Before you knew it, though, he was standing in front of you, that pleading yet determined look in his eyes again. 

“I want to get you out.”

You snorted. “There is no getting out, Russell. Not for me, anyway. Not until they’re done with me.”

He took a step closer and gently took the water bottle from you, placing it on the counter, and grasped your chin, forcing you to look up at him. “There’s always an exit strategy,” he murmured. “I never wanted this for you, Y/N. I only ever wanted to keep you safe. That’s why I left.”

Yeah, you knew that now, too. “I know that now. Why you wouldn’t tell me certain things about your job, but, Jesus, Russell. Did you really think they didn’t already know about me and who I was to you? Colter even? Dory? Your mom?”

He let out a deep sigh and hung his head, letting your chin go. “I know. I… It was a good fit for me at the time, the money was good — that’s why I hooked Doug up with them. But seeing how they hung him out to dry at the first opportunity and now you,” He tenderly ran his thumb along your cheek. “I’m seriously starting to rethink that decision.”

You pulled away from him. “It doesn’t matter. You can’t unring that bell.” You made your way back over to the bed and yanked your duffel bag from underneath it. You unzipped it and began rooting through it to make sure you had everything you needed for a quick getaway. You didn’t think you needed to go anywhere but now this location was blown for you since you had made the decision to let Russell know about it. You had already triple checked your stash when you left it here upon check-in but you needed something to focus on instead of the clear regret in Russell’s face. “And as for me, I made my decision.” You pulled out a gun from a secret compartment, checked the clip to make sure it was full, and slipped it back inside. “I’m good with it. I’ve used it fully to my advantage and I make good money, more than I was ever going to make at the Bureau, even if they fast-tracked me to Deputy Director. Solano was on our Most Wanted List for twenty six days and I took him out in one. Had he possibly gone free, there’s no telling what he would have done, who he would have hurt besides Doug.” You knew exactly what he would have done and who he would have hurt; he’d told you in explicit detail. You didn’t go into it but Russell wasn’t stupid (not when it came to things like this anyway). He most likely knew as well. He’d wanted to close up Solano as a loose end himself after all. “That kind of cleanup I can more than live with.”

Russell carefully approached, his eyes on the second gun you had pulled out and were checking. “I get that and I more than appreciate what you did with Solano. For Doug, for Colter and me.” Once you slipped the weapon back into its pocket, he laid a hand on your shoulder, prompting you to look over at him. “You can’t tell me, though, that this is what you want for your endgame. Not really.”

You shook your head in disbelief. “I don’t have an endgame, Russell. Maybe I did once but you took that the second you walked out the door, acting like everything we’d gone through meant nothing to you, like I meant nothing to you.” 

There was that remorse again and you despised it. “I’m sorry, I…handled that badly,” he admitted.

“Handled it badly?” You laughed in disbelief. You shirked his hand off of you and moved to the night table, yanking the drawer open to rip out the bible sitting in there. You opened it to the area you had cut out to hold emergency cash and cards, just like Russell had taught you once upon a time. “You told me I’d been nothing to you but a fling for the past four years, that you might have loved me once but you didn’t anymore. That I was…how did you put it? A fun distraction.” You slammed the bible shut and tossed it back into the drawer before closing it. You hurried back over to the bag, throwing the funds inside another secret compartment, more than done with this conversation.

“You’re right, I fucked up. I only said those things to—”

“Cut the cord, yeah, I know. Still doesn’t make it right,” you muttered, roughly zipping the duffel back up. 

“I wanted you to be safe. You were digging into them, even after I told you not to! And worse, you were pulling Colter into it!”

That quickly got your attention and you spun on your heel, jabbing a finger in the air at him. “Don’t you fucking dare lay Colter at my feet. Especially after what you just pulled last week. It wasn’t me hauling him into Doug’s case! Not to mention, way before you met me, the minute you took that job, you put everyone you knew on their radar and you know it! So don’t you fucking dare. I have been doing everything I can to make sure Colter is safe and doesn’t pull their attention, poring over every case he takes in the background to ensure they’re not involved or have any vested interests that are. Hell, I even just used a contact of mine to float a case over to Teddi and Velma to get him out of town and far away from here to continue keeping him safe. Me, Russell! Me! And what did you do to keep him safe? You blow back into town and not only put him even more on their radar, you deliver him right to their goddamn doorstep! So don’t you dare even try to put that on me,” you finished in a snarl. 

Shame lurked at the corners of his eyes and you scoffed in disgust, whirling around to grab your jacket from the bed before picking up the duffel bag and slinging the handle over your shoulder. “So glad we had this talk,” you sniped. “Now go have fun with the cheerleading dental hygienist or Reenie,” You could see more shame looking back at you. Unlike the hot tub conquest, Colter had actually told you about that one. You could tell how much it was bothering him and you knew he wouldn’t have mentioned it otherwise, knowing it wasn’t something you really wanted to hear. “Or that bartender you holed up with three weeks after you walked out on me,” Now you could see surprise; you could care less. “Or whoever you want. But me? I’m done. Have a nice life, Russell Shaw, and try not to get killed before you get out to start your little brewery operation. Oh, and try to manage not to get your brother or me killed in the process, yeah? Thanks ever so much. See ya.” 

You were walking towards the door when you were grabbed and whipped around. Before you could react, Russell was on you, his mouth covering yours and his hands gripping your face. “I love you,” he breathed against your lips after breaking away to let you catch your breath. “I’m sorry I said what I did back then but it wasn’t the truth. It took everything I had to walk away but as long as you were safe, that was all that mattered to me. I fucked up and I am sorry. I never stopped loving you, Y/N. Not ever.” 

He wiped at your cheeks and you hadn’t even realized you’d been crying. Shit. Well, that was embarrassing. Even more embarrassing was how much you wanted to believe him. You knew he was telling the truth about why he walked away, how he wanted to keep you safe, but it obviously hadn’t been as difficult for him to move on as it had been for you. “No, you don’t,” you choked out. “If that were true, you would have never walked out that door.” Your voice wobbled on those last few words and you hated it, hated how vulnerable you were being to him right now.

You wiped at your own cheeks and turned around, ignoring the pleading you saw once again in his eyes. 

“Y/N, please,” he ground out.

You kept moving towards the door. As you laid your hand on the door handle to turn it, you were whipped around one more time and he was kissing you yet again, your back pressed up against the wood. Except this time, you finally threw in the towel and gave in to what your damaged heart had been wanting all of this time. You buried your fingers in his hair and kissed him back just as passionately, not caring that more tears rolled down your cheeks as you did. He yanked the duffel bag from you and let it fall into a heap on the floor before lifting you up and turning to carry you over to the bed. You knew this was going to hurt like hell later but you refused to put a stop to it. You’d find a way to numb the pain when it ripped you open a second time, just like you always had. 

The only thought running through your mind as he laid you down and ripped your blouse open, sending buttons flying everywhere, was that you had been right. You knew the bastard had been lying earlier when you’d caught him looking between you and the bed. But right then as he lifted away from you to quickly shed his top layers and then dove back down to kiss you again and melt into you, your fingers greedily relearning every inch of his bare skin, you couldn’t care less.   

You reached your hand over, tenderly running a finger along the edges of the bandage on Russell’s arm. “Does it hurt?” You murmured.

“A little.” He turned his head to smile down at you. “More than worth it, though.”

You rolled your eyes, ignoring his chuckle at you gently pushing his head away, and turned onto your back. Russell embraced you with his other arm, pulling you into him. You rested your ear against his bare chest, hearing his steady heartbeat and settling your gaze on the ceiling above you. He pressed a kiss to your head, letting his lips linger against your hair, as his thumb rubbed your shoulder back and forth.

After a few minutes of content silence between you, you put voice to the question resounding in your mind. “How did we get here, Russell?”

“Well, you drove us over and then we—”

You softly swatted his chest, making him laugh and hearing the sound reverberate underneath your ear. “You know what I mean.”

“I wish I knew the best way to answer that, “ he whispered to you. You could hear the genuine regret in his tone and it made you start thinking about when you both would have to leave this motel room, and go back to the separate lives you had been living. Memories of lazy mornings like this back when you had been together, of you listening to his voice in your ear and knowing you were safe and loved, replayed in your mind on a loop. You would never admit it to him but you missed this, missed him. Nothing had felt right in the last couple of years like this moment here did. If anything, all of that time felt like some weird drug-induced nightmare, and you had just woken up to find Russell here next to you, nothing having changed. But that wasn’t true; everything had changed.

Not wanting to think about that just yet, you picked up the hand that had been caressing your shoulder and studied the skin of his wrist. “This is new.” You trailed your finger along the design of the tattoo sitting there. “What prompted you to get this one?”

“That’s something Doug and I got one night when we met up with another one of the guys from our unit when he was in town. Tommy Laird. Good man.”

“A crown?”

Russell shrugged underneath you. “Tommy picked the design.”

“‘We three kings’, huh?”

You heard him chuckle. “Never thought of it like that but sure.”

“Is he also a part of Horizon?”

You felt him tense underneath you at the mention of the dark and deadly elephant in the room. “No. He, uh, he lives with his wife and three kids in North Carolina. They have a house in Cary and he went back to the family business when he got home.”

You nodded and pulled his wrist to you, placing your lips on his skin and tenderly kissing the middle of the design before letting him go. He hugged you closer to him and placed a kiss to your ear in turn, letting out what sounded like a contented sigh. 

A moment later, he murmured. “I want to help get you out.”

You nearly rolled your eyes again. You wanted to ask him why he was dead set on thinking that you even wanted out. Perhaps the you he had known would want a way out, want something more out of life than money and secrets and cleanups, but you had changed a lot in the last three years. But you knew if you posed that question, it would shatter the cocoon you currently found yourselves in and you weren’t ready for that to end just yet. So instead, you reminded him of another angle of the truth. “That’s not possible. Not the way you’re thinking. You know that.”

“Anything’s possible.” You nearly smiled at his response; there was the stubborn streak that sometimes infuriated you and sometimes endeared you to him, like right now. But you needed to make sure you maintained a reality check for the both of you. You knew what he was really thinking.

“Even if it was, we can’t.”

His head lifted and he frowned down at you. “Why not?”

“This isn’t some Mr. and Mrs. Smith shit. We don’t get a happy ending,” you finished sadly, thinking back to the life you once shared together as you cupped his cheek and rubbed it gently with your thumb. “Not together. It’s too dangerous.” You left it at that but you knew that he was more than aware of what you meant. 

His frown intensified at your words and he covered your hand with his, turning to place a kiss into your palm. “We’ll work it out.”

“Russ,” you sighed.

He gently grasped your chin between his thumb and forefinger, looking into your eyes. “We’ll work it out,” he softly repeated, that glint of determination back in his gaze. 

You decided once more that you wouldn’t bother launching into the many reasons it actually wouldn’t work out and you would refrain from popping that bubble he had just wrapped you both in. That moment would come later. But for now, you continued to keep silent.

When he noticed you weren’t going to say anything, a mischievous smile began to form on that handsome face you loved. “You know, I don’t really have anything planned for today. How about you?”

Other than some paperwork you had to go over later, your day was pretty much free, too. Even if it hadn’t been, you knew that look and after this morning, despite still having some unresolved anger with him, despite things that still needed to be said between you, you would have freed up your schedule immediately. “I don’t think I’ll be missed for a while,” you teased.

He leaned in to kiss you, whispering to your lips, “Oh, you were missed. Very much fucking missed.” The impishness you had heard a moment before was now absent but he never gave you a chance to respond. Instead, he kissed you deeply and began moving to cover your body with his once again. He maneuvered himself in between your thighs, your legs automatically coming up to gently cradle his hips. “Your arm,” you broke away to warn him.

“Don’t care.” He lowered down to keep kissing you and surprisingly (or unsurprisingly perhaps), all was right in the world right then. You didn’t allow yourself to get swept away by it or by the fantasy of something that would never be. Sadly, the time for you and Russell to be together had come and gone. You’d had your chance and you both had blown it, with him starting you out of the gate. This right here, this was all that was left — like embers of a dying fire. You would always love him, you knew that (truthfully, you had always known it), but this was all you would ever have. Once you both walked out that door, you would be walking in separate directions, taking different paths in your lives, no matter what Russell would say. 

But for right now, you allowed yourself to live in the moment, to enjoy it as he groaned into your mouth when your hand helped guide him to where you both wanted him to be. You held onto him as he began a slow movement within you, knowing you would need to take over again very soon when his left arm began to tremble. But until then you kept him close to you, drank deeply of him, and reveled in what the two of you had always managed to create together, content to keep Horizon and the rest of the world on the other side of the motel room door, if only for a moment longer. 

A/N: I know I left some things open and unresolved. I wanted to do that to let this be a gateway to the continuing story in the short series coming titled "Closer". Please let me know if you would like to be tagged in the series.

dividers by @firefly-graphics

[the-artist-grimm]

Hi Grimm! I don't know if anyone has asked you this yet, but what is Narinder and Anthea's favorite place? Oh, maybe they like a certain period of time (morning, evening, night)?

I have read in your comic Starfall that Anthea often read a book about stars to her younger siblings (maybe I remembered it a little wrong). Does that mean Anthea likes stars? Or night time in general?

Also, I think Narinder would like the night too, in the afterlife it's always light and everything is white. Personally, my eyes would already cry from such an amount of light XD

@cultistic-ann-aka-sannaliel (my cotl blog/pinging myself)

Their favorite place is one I haven't actually shown yet, but it is a canon location to COTL! It's the white flower field seen in the official Pilgrim comic!

Back when they were a child Anthea's father would often take her out with him on supply runs under the guise of training her to someday take out the routes, but in reality it was more of him trying to give Anthea a break from home and some proper time one of one. During one of those nights they came across the flower field, and from there it became their special father/daughter place together. Ares would let them stay out a little longer than necessary and tell her stories of the constellations which they would bond over-he'd always wanted to be a traveler despite the situation, so he'd learned as much as he could about the stars for navigation which he also taught, and legends too.

Even after he died and the task of supply runner fell to the lamb, Anthea would still sometimes stay out a little longer to go stargaze, since out of everything, the field was the one place that was hers. All her belongings were destined to be passed down to her siblings (even their original Stars book which was supposed to be theirs alone, see here in the 'Stars and Starmap' section for what happened to that), yet the field was that one little secret place the boys could never get.

As for Narinder he already did like the stars, they were this quiet, beautiful sight he would sometimes just visit the mortal realm to see back when he was still free, and since his imprisonment, it became a sight he'd almost forgotten. Anthea kinda helps remind him why he used to love the sight so much, think that one night when Anthea couldn't sleep and Narinder was on his own cause the twins were leading a group of souls to the Threshold the lamb decided to 'take' him to the flower field, and it became the first time Narinder really got to see Anthea being more vulnerable. The plan was to wait to show the twins the field till they could go in person, but from then on sometimes at night just Anthea and Narinder would stargaze together alone, using the crown as a sort of webcam. (also they became unintentional little stargazing dates)

Anthea's plan for giving him the courtship sash was to have someone (most likely Ratau) watch the kids, lead Narinder there knowing he'd slowly recognize the route from watching through the crown all those times before, and count on him being too distracted by finally being there in person to catch onto Anthea being nervous/getting ready to present the gift.

[callsign-dexter]

Love's Second Chance 18+

Request: Ok girl.. I made the mistake and started top Gun to make the best out of my evening 😭 now I hope you're up for another Rooster idea hehe. You and him were inseparable since childhood but then lost contact after his issues with Mav (you're his adopted daughter). Then you visit Mav someday at the base, not knowing all pilots are there. So it happens you meet Bradley again, both being stunned about the other as some time had passed. First Jake takes his chance flirting with you but you can only focus on Bradley. He's more than happy to see you and invites you to the Bar with everyone where you hit it off and afterwards spend the night together. The next morning you're all cuddled up and he admits that he loved you since playground times and you get a happy ending ? Jeeez I'm sorry it's so long but my brain can't stop making ideas 😅

Pairings: Bradley Bradshaw x Adopted!Mitchell!Reader, Maverick x Adopted!Daughter!Reader

Warnings: fluff, angst, smut, cursing

Masterlist

A/N: Thank @talesofreading for requesting this and also you and @imagine-all-the-fandoms need to prepare yourselves!

San Diego, California. So warm compared to Quantico, Virginia. It's been a while since you had been in California and the last time it was not a great memory. The last time you were here you had a huge fight with your childhood best friend, you had just found out that your adopted dad, Pete ‘Maverick’ Mitchell, had pulled your best friend, Bradley ‘Rooster’ Bradshaw, papers to the Naval Academy. He blamed you and took his anger, not physically, out on you. That's also when you told him you were planning on going to college and straight to NCIS. You hadn't spoken to Bradley in months, almost years and it hurt you but that's the decision you made. He didn't try to contact you and neither did you but with your access with NCIS you kept tabs on his career and you were happy for him. The reason you were back in San Diego was because you had just finished a case that had you traveling there, normally you don't but it involved Navy personnel so it was required. You loved San Diego but you loved your NCIS family just a little more. “So, Y/N..” Tony DiNozzo started smirking and you turned to him.

“What?” You asked 

“Do you have anybody you're interested in?” He asked smirking and you knew what he was getting out. He always did this. 

“Not happening DiNozzo.” You said as you picked up your gear.

“I wasn't even suggesting that. Besides, we already slept together.” He said 

“You are always suggesting that. Also, that was one time and I didn't know you would be my partner.” You said and you glared at him.

“DiNozzo stop bothering Mitchell.” Jethro Gibbs said 

“What? I'm not!” Tony tried to argue.

“Yes, you were.” Timothy McGee said

“Shut it, Probie. I was not.” Tony said 

“Was he trying to get you to go out with him?” Ziva David asked and you nodded. “Tony.” She said, shaking her head.

“I was not!” Tony shrieked and you chuckled and then turned to Gibbs.

“Do you mind if I go see my dad? I haven't seen him in a while. He's on base.” You asked and Gibbs actually smiled and nodded.

“Of course. You come back whenever you're ready. Just say the word and I'll have a plane ticket for you.” He said and you smiled and nodded grateful for him. He had turned into a father figure for you. 

“Thank you.” You said and started to walk out of the building still clad in your NCIS gear. You got into the issued car to you and the team and headed to base. When you got there you gave them your ID and they immediately granted you access.

“Have a good day Special Agent Mitchell.” The guard said and you smiled.

“Thank you. You have a good day too.” You said and pulled through the gate when it was lifted. You drove through and got to the Top Gun building and smiled as you parked. You got out and heard jets taking off and landing and it smelt like jet fuel, you always loved the smell. You smelt it for the first on your father and your Uncle Goose and you fell in love with the smell. You walked into the building and saw all the pictures of your dad's Top Gun class. You smiled looking at them all and then you got to Thomas ‘Iceman’ Kazansky’s photo and you smile grew. 

“Well, isn't this a surprise.” A familiar voice sounded and your smile grew wider.

“Hi Uncle Ice.” You said as you turned around and saw him. He pulled you into a hug and you hugged him back.

“It's been a long time, Kid. How is NCIS treating you?” He asked and you smiled.

“Treating me well. We have an agent named Tony DiNozzo and he can be so annoying. He's a ladies’ man if that tells you anything.” You said chuckling and he nodded.

“Like your dad when he was younger.” Ice said and you chuckled smiling.

“Speaking of dad. Where is he?” You asked 

“He just got done teaching so he should be in his office or in the cafeteria. Want me to take you to him?” He asked and you pulled a face.

“I don't want to inconvenience you.” You said and he chuckled and shook his head.

“Nonsense. Come on.” He said ushering you and you followed.

“So, he's actually sticking with teaching?” You asked and he chuckled.

“He is. He loves it. The last round of pilots put him through his paces. Bradley is here.” He said and you grew quiet.

“Oh.” You said and he took notice.

“They made up you know?” Ice asked

“They did?” You asked and he nodded.

“After they both went down and got saved by Hangman. They made up.” He said

“Hold up. Dad didn't tell me about him being shot down or anything.” You said slightly angry.

“Well, it was top secret mission. Nobody was supposed to know.” Ice said

“Well, I guess I could've looked it up.” You said and he chuckled as you both walked into the cafeteria.

“There she is.” He said side hugging you. “Ahh there is your dad. Well, I leave you to it.” He said and kissed your temple and left. You took a deep breath and walked over to him, his back was turned and he was a little ways away from the pilots that you had yet to see.

“Are you supposed to be doing that?” You asked him and he was quick to turn around and his face was priceless. At first it was scared but then it was smiling.

“Y/N! Look at you!” He said loud enough for you and him to hear and he hugged you.

“Hi dad. Long time no see.” You said and he chuckled.

“It has been. Look at you. You must've made a name for yourself.” He chuckled as he pulled away. 

“It's been great.” You said “Everyone has been great. Tony and you would get along so well he's like a version of you when you were younger. He's hit on me several times and keeps doing it.” You said, chuckling, shaking your head “But he's a great agent and he's actually a good guy and saved my life several times.” You added.

“Saved your life?” He asked and you nodded.

“Yea…. That's a story for another time.” You said

“We'll talk about this later.” He said and you chuckled and nodded. “Come on, I want you to meet the last group of pilots I trained.” He said and started to usher you over to them. You turned around and your eyes met Bradley's and he met yours. He's changed and grown up to be handsome. He grew a mustache just like his father's and he looks so much like him it was scary. You were in awe of him and he was in awe of you too. You haven't changed much but you've changed. Gone is that nice girl that was pushed around and now it was a girl that took no shit from anyone and got the job done when it needed to be done. 

“Pops, who is this gorgeous woman? Hi I’m Jake ‘Hangman’ Seresin.” A blonde-haired, green-eyed aviator now known as Jake asked. He had a charming smile but you knew his type and weren't phased by it and that is because you worked with Tony DiNozzo big time flirt.

“This woman can introduce herself. I'm Y/N Mitchell, Maverick’s daughter. Well adopted.” You said

“You were never just adopted to me; you were and always will be my daughter no matter what.” Maverick said and you smiled.

“Thanks dad.” You said and hugged him.

“So, are you here on business?” Jake asked using his charm once again.

“I was but we just got finished. Came over as soon as we got done.” You said 

“Mmm so you got time for me to take you out on a date then.” He said using his southern charm but you just rolled your eyes and leaned against the table getting close to him.

“I'm gonna tell you what I keep telling DiNozzo. Not going to happen. Besides, I got my eye on someone else.” You said and then got up and looked at Bradley totally missing Jake's fallen expression since he's not used to being turned down but heard others snickers. Truth is that you've been in love with Bradley ever since you were kids and what you didn't know was, he was too but both of you thought that neither of you were interested in the other so nothing was done about it.

“Oh, I like her.” A woman with black hair said and you looked at her and smiled.

“I deal with a Jake at work all the time. His name is Tony DiNozzo.” You said and she smiled.

“I'm Natasha Trace. Callsign is Phoenix.” She said 

“Oh, I like that.” You said and then everyone went around introducing themselves. You really liked Ruben, Mickey, and Javy but Natasha and Bob were your favorites alongside Bradley. Jake was fun but no way would you date him. 

“Y/N I have to go to a meeting. Are you ok with staying with them? I'm sure when you leave Bradley can walk you out.” Maverick said and you smiled.

“Of course I'm ok with that.” You said and he smiled and kissed your temple and then left. You all talked and laughed and you really connected with them so easily. 

“So, Y/N what made you go NCIS and not Navy?” Bob asked and you smiled at him.

“I thought about going into the Navy but decided against it after Goose died. I couldn't do that to dad. I found I really liked solving cases and helping people so I went to college, got a degree in Criminal Justice and interviewed for NCIS. I'm now Special Agent Y/N Mitchell. My team is great and I wouldn't ask for another. Tony is very much like Jake and my dad when he was younger so he helped me grow immune to charm and guys like them. Tony tries so hard to get me to go out with him but I turn him down all the time.” You said 

“That is so cool. It's amazing what you do.” Bob said and you smiled at him.

“Thank you. It's amazing what you all do too. I could never do it.” You said. “Although I've been on ships before.” You added. You kept glancing at Bradley as you talked but his eyes never left you. You answered everyone's questions and then you looked down at your watch. “I gotta go. It was nice meeting you all. Hopefully we can get together soon.” You said.

“Maybe sooner than later you and I can get together.” Jake said, trying to shoot his shot one more time.

“No.” You said and he frowned.

“Oh, come on.” He said

“Not happening.” You said as Bradley started getting up and gathering trash to throw away. 

“Damn.” He said as Bradley came to stand beside you.

“Ready to go?” Bradley asks you and you nod and he smiles and gestures to you to follow him and you do. 

“It’s nice to see you. You’ve changed.” You said as he threw his stuff away and you both were far enough away from the group.

“It’s nice to see you too. I’m sorry for cutting you off too. Maverick explained that you had nothing to do with it after we made up. I tried to contact you but it never went through.” He told you and you looked down in shame as you both continued to walk out of the building.

“I may have blocked your number. You hurt me so bad that I was mad at you for the longest time and I never wanted to speak to you again. But then I saw you today and my anger was still there but it quickly disappeared. I’ll unblock your number and you can watch me.” You said as you arrived at your car and you did so.

“I’m sorry Y/N/N.” He said using his nickname that he had given you. “I shouldn’t have taken it out on you. I'll tell you what come to The Hard Deck tonight with me and I’ll show you I’m sorry.” He said and you paused and looked at him considering it and you nodded.

“Ok.” You said 

“Ok?” He asked and you nodded.

“I’ll come to The Hard Deck with you.” You repeated

“Great, I'll pick you up at 7:30?” He asked and you nodded.

“Sounds great.” You said and then pulled out your phone to text the group. “I have to admit you turning down Jake was amazing.” He said and you chuckled.

“Like I said, I deal with Tony and he is like Jake.” You said and he chuckled. “I gotta get going. I’ll see you at 7:30.” You said and he nodded “Goodbye Bradley.” You added.

“Goodbye Y/N/N.” He said using your nickname again and then you were getting into your car and then leaving. He watched you leave with a longing look in his eye. He really did miss you. As he was standing there his phone vibrated and he pulled it out. It was a text from you.

You: See you at 7:30  

He smiled and then a second text popped up and it was a picture of you in your NCIS cap and jacket and he smiled. He saved the photo and put it as you contact pictures.

Bradley: Can’t wait

Exactly at 7:30 there was a knock on your hotel door and you were rushing to open it and there stood Bradley Bradshaw in jeans and an unbuttoned Hawaiian shirt with a white shirt underneath. He had a pair, Goose’s pair, of aviators on and his hair was styled perfectly. “Hey.” You said and he smiled down at you.

“Hey.” He said 

“You look good.” You said and he smiled.

“So do you.” He replied and you blushed and looked. You were in a black t-shirt that was tucked into jeans. He then saw your bags packed. “You can bring your stuff if you want.” He said and you looked at him and smiled.

“Thank you. Are you ready to go?” You asked after a few seconds and he smiled and then grabbed your things before you could. Tony, Gibbs, Ziva, and McGee had all gone back to Virginia and they had taken the cars but you told them that you had a ride, Gibbs was hesitant but he trusted you.

“After you.” He said and gestured toward the parking lot and then you noticed his car, Goose’s Bronco. 

“You still have it?” You asked and he nodded as you started to walk out of your hotel room.

“I never got rid of it. Sure, she needs to be fixed up every now and then but it is doable.” He said and you smiled as you reached the vehicle and he put bags into the Bronco. You still had your gun and badge but they were properly put away. Bradley opened the door for you and you got in and then he got in as you buckled up. “I’m so glad you had said yes to coming to The Hard Deck with me. I missed being with you.” He added.

“I missed you, Bradley. I just wish you would’ve listened to me when I said I had nothing to do with having your papers pulled.” You said 

“I know and I was a bumbass. I’m sorry but tonight to make up for all of those times, hopefully.” He said as he drove.

“Hopefully it will.” You said and then he was pulling in a parking lot of The Hard Deck and parking next to a truck.

“Ready?” He asked as he killed the engine and you nodded and then the both of you were getting out and heading into the bar. Memories came flooding back when you stepped into the building especially when you saw Penny. You walked up to the bar.

“Hey Penny.” You said and she turned around hearing your voice.

“Little Y/N is that you? It’s been forever. I need a hug.” She said as she came out from behind the bar and hugged you.

“Yea, it is me.” You said 

 “Look at you! You’re all grown up. Pete has told me you’re with NCIS now.” She said as she pulled back and looked at you, ignoring Bradley by you for the moment.

“That is right. It is great. I have a teammate that if he was here, you would be ringing that bell so many times. Think of him as a version of Jake and a younger version of dad.” You said 

“Oh, that’s bad.” She said and you nodded “What can I get you to drink?” She asked, walking back behind the bar. 

“Whatever Bradley is having.” You said and she nodded and grabbed two beers. You took both and handed one to Bradley.

“Everyone is over by the usual hangout. Your dad should be here later.” She said and you nodded and smiled.

“Thank you, Penny.” Bradley said 

“Yes, thank you.” You repeated after him and she smiled.

“Put them on my tab.” He said and she nodded.

“You got it.” She said and then the both of you were heading over to the group.

“Y/N! I’m so glad you made it!” Natasha exclaimed and hugged you and you hugged back as best as you could. “Finally, another female to cut through all of this testosterone.” She said and you laughed and then everyone said hi to you and Bradley and then the evening got started. Throughout the night many drinks were drank and many games of pool and darts were played and let's just say you won most of the games especially against Jake which he took as a challenge. Everyone loved that Jake had met his match. When you weren’t playing pool or darts you were hanging by Bradley’s side. 

“So, Y/N.” You heard Jake’s voice and you turned to look at him. Man, he wouldn’t take a hint but you were used to it, thank you Tony DiNozzo you said to yourself.

“Yes, Jake?” You asked 

“What do you say we get out of here and grab something to eat and head back to my place?” He asked using his Texan accent and smirk and you leaned in closer to him letting him get his hopes and then you started to speak.

“Jake Jake Jake Jake.” You sighed, shaking your head “How many times am I gonna have to tell you that it is never going to happen. You just need to give up on me. Also like I said that I have my eye on someone else.” You said and leaned back up and everyone was watching especially Bradley and he had a smirk on his face.

“Damn. Every time.” He said and then walked off but it didn’t take long for some girl to come up to him and it was like your conversation with him never happened and everyone went back to their own thing.

“Man, he sure moves on fast.” You chuckled, looking at Jake and some girl and then at Bradley.

“He sure does. So, what do you say about getting out of here with me?” He asked and you smiled.

“I would love that. Lead the way.” You said and he took your hand and headed to the bar to close out his tab with Penny as you quickly bid a goodbye to the group. While at the bar you spotted your dad. So, you decided to talk to him while Bradley dealt with the tab. “Hey, Dad.” You said and he looked up and smiled at you.

“Hey, Sweetheart. Having fun?” He asked and you nodded and smiled.

“I am. Bradley and I are about to head out for the night.” You said and he smiled.

“I’m so glad the both of you have made up.” He said and you looked up at Bradley and got that dreamy look in your eye.

“I am too.” You said and then Bradley turned around and looked at you.

“Ready to go?” He asked and you nodded.

“Yup.” You turned to your dad “I’ll see you before I leave.” You said and he smiled.

“You better.” He said and hugged you “I love you.” He said.

“I love you too.” You replied and then he turned to Bradley.

“Take care of her.” Maverick said and Bradley nodded.

“You know I will.” He said and Maverick smiled.

“Good. See you both later.” Maverick said and you both smiled and bid your goodbyes to him and Penny and then you both walked out of the bar to the Bronco. Once you reached the Bronco you both stopped, your back to the beautiful vehicle. 

“Thank you for tonight. I would say it made up for everything.” You said and he smiled.

“I think so too.” He said “You look so beautiful.” He added and put a loose strand of hair behind your ear. You looked up at him and the streetlight made him glow and it just made him all more perfect. “Damn you’re so beautiful.” He whispered.

“You’re not so bad yourself.” You whispered and then he was slowly leaning down and you were meeting him halfway and then both of your eyes closed and lips touched. Sparks flew through the both of you. At first it was slow and passionate and then it turned heated. Your hands went to his hair pulling him further into you and his hands went to your hips pushing back against the Bronco. He licked your bottom lip asking for permission and you granted it tongues fought for dominance until he won and then you both were pulling up for air. Both of your pupils were blown and cheeks flushed pink and heavy breathing was heard between you. “That was amazing. You’re amazing.” You said breathlessly.

“I could say the same for you.” He said in a deeper voice “My house?” He asked.

“Your house.” You confirmed and the both of you were scrambling to get into the Bronco. You both made in but kissing was involved which made it harder but you both succeeded in getting in and buckling in. He started the vehicle and you hand went to his thigh and rubbed it as he pulled out of the parking spot and out of the parking lot onto the main road. Your hand traveled higher until it got his bulging cock and you slowly rubbed and he jerked making him jerk the wheel but he corrected himself. 

“Keep doing that and we won’t make it to the house.” He said and you smirked but kept going.

“Then you better get to the house fast.” You said as you started to unzip his jeans and dipped your hands into his underwear grabbing his cock and squeezing and again, he jerked the wheel and corrected it. 

“Oh, Baby. I can’t wait to have your pretty lips wrapped around me.” He moaned as you stroked him.

“You don't have to wait. Keep driving and act like nothing is happening.” You said as you took him out of his jeans and then got comfortable and bent down taking him in your mouth. Bradley tried to keep his composure but when your hot mouth took him in, he moaned and jerked. “Careful.” You said letting him go for just a minute to look up at him through your eye lashes.

“I'm trying. Your mouth feels so perfect wrapped around me.” He grunted. Both of you were glad it was dark out and you were close to his home. You hummed and that sent vibrations down his cock and that made him buck into you. His cock hit the back of your throat and you moaned. You continued to move up and down on him while licking underneath his shift and the tip. “Keep doing that and I won't last, Baby.” He grunted and smirked as best as you could. One of his hands came to the back of your head and he slightly added pressure as you moved up and down him. You relaxed your throat to take him deeper “Goodness gracious baby. Take it all. Fuck.” He moaned as he hurriedly parked in his driveway. He was quick to kill the engine and throw his head back. His hand that was in your hair was now gripping it and he was helping push your head up and down. You decided to grab what was left of the shift that wasn't in your mouth with your hand and worked it squeezing it occasionally. Your other hand went to his heavy balls and played with them. “Holy fuck.” He moaned and bucked his hips up. You were no virgin, that was for sure your first time having been with Tony DiNozzo, yes, the arrogant cock bastard, but that was before you knew he would be your coworker. Both of you had been at a party and then one thing led to another and he was taking your virginity. Both of you agreed not to say anything and put it behind you. It did lead to him being slightly protective over you even if it meant that he hit on you constantly and you didn't care it was comforting plus it helped you resist so called playboy charm, like Jake. “We're here. As much as I want you to finish in your mouth. I wanna finish in that tight pussy of yours.” He grunted as you were pulling off of him. You wiped your mouth as he tucked himself in his jeans and it hurt because he was so hard. You both managed to get out and stumbled to the door high on sex. As he was unlocking the door you were kissing him and running fingers through his hair. 

“Damn you are so sexy.” You moaned out as you ran a hand over his heavy aching cock. 

“So are you.” He moaned and the sound made you clench around nothing and squeeze your thighs together. 

“Fuck me.” You moaned 

“Oh, I plan on it.” He said as he pushed his door open and then slightly pushed you in and closed it. He turned you around and pushed you against the door and attacked your lips with his. Hands on your hips and yours back in his hair messing it up further one of his hands traveled down to your aching core and he cupped it. Sparks flew through you and you moaned in his mouth and it got louder as he started to rub you through your jeans. He pulled away just for a minute giving you both time to catch your breath.  

“Bradley.” You moaned out as he took his hand away and unbuttoned your jeans and slipped his right-hand in. You were no doubt soaking and you confirmed it when he ran a finger through your folds. “Oh fuck.” You moaned as he started attacking your neck with his mouth kissing and nipping and soothing, you had turned your head giving him more access. His other hand snaked its way under your shirt and under your bra and to your left breast. “Fuck!” You moaned as he pinched, pulled, and rolled your nipple with his finger.

“You like that, Baby?” He asked 

“Fuck yes.” You moaned as he slipped a thick digit into you and he watched your face. He smirked as your mouth fell open, eyes closed, and head thrown back. 

“You're so pretty getting finger fucked.” He said as he leant down and nipped your neck and that made you squeeze his fingers. “Squeezing me so tight and I haven't started.” He said with a smirk and you could hear it. He added a second thick finger.

“Fuck. Stretching me so good.” You moaned, the stretch was welcoming and there was a slight pain but it quickly turned into pleasure. If his fingers felt this good you couldn't wait for his cock to be inside of you.

“Oh, Baby. Just wait until I'm inside of you.” He said into your neck as he moved his fingers in and out of you. He curled his fingers and then used his thumb to rub your clit and that had you releasing a loud moan. “That's right, Baby. Let everyone know how good I'm making you feel.” He said and then followed it with a nip to your neck and that had you squeezing him. He decided to add a third finger.

“Fuck, Bradley. So full.” You moaned and bucked your hips. “I'm gonna cum.” You moaned out. He suddenly pulled away and out and you quickly opened your eyes and glared “What the hell?” You asked.

“I want to taste you and I want you to cum with me.” He said and then got down on his knees and pushed down your jeans and underwear. Cold air hit your slicked core. He undid your shoes and threw them off with your socks and then jeans and underwear. He was aching hard but he could wait, he needed to taste you. He bent one leg and threw it over his shoulder so that he was eye level with your core. You made quick work of your shirt and bra and your nipples went rock hard in the cold. “Look at you. All wet for me. Who made you this wet?” He asked placing a kiss to your sensitive clit.

“You did.” You moaned and apparently, he didn't like that answer because you were met with a nip to your clit “Fuck.” You moaned.

“Louder. Let the neighbors know.” He growled out.

“Bradley Bradshaw made me wet!” You yelled out and were rewarded with him licking a broad stripe up your folds. His mustache scratching helped with the pleasure. He ate you out like his life depended on it. “Fuck! Feels so good!” You moaned out and was rewarded with him going faster. He pushed two fingers in and you almost came right then and there. “Fuck, Baby! I'm so close!” You exclaimed and then he pulled away and stood up and that made you growl. “Fuck you asshole.” You said.

“You will just hold your jets.” He said quickly removing his clothes and shoes. You looked him up and down and practically drooled especially when his aching hard angry cock came up and slapped his abs.

“Fuck you have really grew up, didn't ya?” You asked and he chuckled.

“So have you.” He replied and then he was stepping close to you. “Jump.” He said and you obeyed and you could taste yourself as the both of you started French kissing as he started to carry you to his bedroom. Each step his cock threatened to slip in. He walked into his room and to his bed where he fell onto the bed gently on top of you. Tongues fighting for dominance. His hips spread your legs further and he grabbed your legs and threw up over his shoulders. 

“Bradley. Baby. I need you.” You moaned into his mouth.

“You have me.” He said as he stroked himself once and guided himself in you. The stretch stung but it was welcomed all the fingering helped slightly but he was girthy and long. 

“Fuck! Filling me so good!” You moaned out as he bottomed out and settled. He leaned over you pushing your legs up to your shoulders making himself go deeper. Your hands went to his shoulders and fingers dug into them. 

“You're squeezing me so tight. Taking me so well. Gonna fuck you full.” He moaned and started moving as he caged your body in and he rested on his forearms. 

“Been waiting for this for so long.” You moaned as he thrusted in and out of you. 

“Wanted to be with you when I knew what love was but you were already gone.” He said 

“You have me now.” You said and you got a sharp thrust as a response. “Fuck. Do that again.” You said and he did so. “Faster, I'm close.” You moaned and he obeyed.

“Fuck taking me so deep and so well.” He moaned and you squeezed him as he thrusted faster. 

“That's it right there.” You moaned as nails raked down his back making him hiss.

“Feels so good. I'm gonna have scratches there for weeks.” He said and you smirked.

“Good. You have something to brag about especially to Jake.” You said and he thrusted hard.

“Don't bring his name up.” He growled

“Why not? What are you going to do about it?” you asked 

“This.” He said and sped up to a pace that had skin on skin as the only sound filling the room. He then latched onto a nipple and sucked, pulled, and bit it while he played with the other and once satisfied with that he switched. 

“I'm close, Baby.” You moaned as he pulled off of your nipple. 

“Cum with me.” He said and picked up his pace and brought a hand to your clit and started to rub, pinch, and pull on it.

“That's it right there.” You said and then his thrusts were starting to become sloppy.

“I'm cumming, Baby. Cum with me.” He said as he finally stilled inside you. Once you felt his warm sperm spill inside of you and the added pressure from your clit being pleasured you came.

“Fuck!” You moaned as that knot exploded and he put your shaking legs down as you both were breathing heavily as you were coming down from your highs. He slowly pulled out of you as he kissed you. “Damn you came deep in me.” You said and he chuckled as he laid beside you and pushed what came out back in and you moaned at the over stimulation. 

“What can I say? I didn't want to waste a drop. I wanted every drop in you.” He said as he laid beside you and you turned over to look at him. Both down from your high. 

“I missed you.” You whispered 

“I missed you too.” He replied

“I'm sorry for blocking you.” You said

The next morning you were waking up early. At first you didn't know where you were but then you saw Bradley sleeping peacefully in front of you and you smiled. You shifted and you felt the soreness and smiled. Last night Bradley rocked your world and it was amazing. You then had the brilliant idea of making breakfast. You kissed his lips and then rolled over and started to get out of bed hoping not to wake him up but you did not succeed because you were being pulled back against him. “Where are you going?” He asked, opening his eyes.

“Well, I was going to get coffee going and start some breakfast.” You said but now you were having second thoughts not wanting to get up from his embrace “But being in your arms feels kind of nice.” You said as you turned over to look at him. 

“I like you being in my arms too.” He said then it went quiet and you could tell he wanted to say something.

“What is going through that pretty head of yours?” You asked 

“I have to ask. When did you lose your virginity and to who? You don’t have to answer me if you don’t want to.” He said and you smiled and shook your head.

“No, it's fine. As to who took it, it was Tony.” You said and you waited for him to process it.

“As in Tony DiNozzo, the guy you work with?” He asked and you nodded.

“Yes, him. When he took it, I had just arrived in Virginia and wanted to go out with some friends that we had gone to school with. They took me out to a party and then we went to a bar, it was a really nice bar almost like Penny’s.” You explained. “After a few drinks and some crappy karaoke, I was approached by him and me being slightly tipsy and so was he. I said yes for him to take me home. We ended up having sex and he knew it was my first time and he was so sweet about it. The next morning, I got up and left without him knowing and then I started my first day on the job and turned out he was my teammate, we talked about that night and both promised not to make a big deal about it but Tony being Tony he started hitting on me and I turned him down so it's a thing between us. So yes, he was my first time; to be honest I wanted it to be with you but you never saw me that way and you had cut me off so I gave up hope so I gave it away.” You explained and you could see hurt in his eyes.

“Y/N/N-” He began but you cut him off.

“It’s ok really. I should be going anyway.” You said and started to get up but he wouldn’t allow it. “Bradley, you don’t have to take pity on me.” You said looking at him and he shook his head.

“I’ve loved you ever since I knew what love was and that was when we were little and we could play on the playground. From what little time I had with my dad I saw how he loved my mother and treated her and that is when I knew what it was. I wanted to be with you but I didn’t want to ruin what we had and now I do. I want to be with you.” He said

“But I’m in Virginia and you are here in California.” You said and he shook his head.

“We can make it work.” He said and you looked hesitant.

“I live a very stressful life, Bradley.” You said and knew you shouldn’t have said it because he lived one too.

“I live one too. Never knowing when I will deploy or if I will be shot down. Please I want to be with you and I know you want to be with me too. Let’s try.” He said caressing your face and you leaned into his touch as you thought about it.

“Ok. Let’s give it a try.” You said and he smiled and his eyes lit up no trace of sadness anywhere.

“Great! I promise this will work, Baby. I love you so much.” He said and kissed your forehead and you smiled.

“I believe you. I love you too.” You said snuggling into him and the both of you got comfortable again. As you laid there thinking about every worst possible outcome your love for Bradley kept shooting back to the surface and made all those thoughts go away. 

You knew it would work out but those thoughts of doubt still surfaced and scared you. You couldn’t wait to start your life with Bradley even if it was long distance but you knew that you could come out here and visit and you knew he could come to you. So, in the end everything was perfect and you would be a fool for not taking the chance. It was a chance you were glad you took it. You weren’t going back now and you didn’t want to go back. You are perfectly content being with Bradley and he was perfectly content with you. Everything was perfect.

Tag list:

@kmc1989

@els-marvelvsp

@atarmychick007

@nyx2021

@grandstrangerphantom

@angenu01-blog

@talesofreading

@callsign-revenge

[queertranshappiness]

The last few days have been hard, news wise, for us. However, we still want to celebrate a bit of joy we had, because it's important:

There's an older transmasc nonbinary person who we met through a mentorship program, who we have meetings with occasionally to talk through things and get advice. He helped us today, and we want to tell you what he said (with some of our thoughts attached), incase it helps someone else tonight, or whenever you see this.

The world is cruel at the moment, and life is a bit shit. There's bad stuff everywhere. When life is like this, the important question to ask is 'how can I make things better in someone else's little world, and my little world?', and 'how can I do what's not done before?'. When you can't see the forest for the trees, it feels like it never ends. But it will end someday, and we've got to get through it. The only way we will is by taking action. Do fun stuff and support your friends. Write poetry and essays, tell your story to others. Coin new terms, flags and create new neopronoun sets that make you or others, even if it's just 1 person, feel heard. Tell someone they are loved today. Donate to organisations fighting the good fight. Find, create, and spread resources. Be as visible as you safely can, and please... don't give in to the people on reddit or twitter or wherever they are who tell you we are doomed, or that it is not worth fighting. That will get us nowhere. And if you do believe that... we understand why you feel that way, but even in your desire for a better world there is the chance of positive change. Don't dash that chance before you can take it. In his words: 'there is another world you haven't yet seen'.

So, despite it all, we've decided to launch a new project with our uni's trans society, which we are helping to run this year... and we're very excited about where it could go, if we can make it work. We might end up putting details here, someday. But we don't think we'd have had the courage to do that without talking to him.

Even on days like this... we still had some pretty cool stuff happen. We went out with our queerplatonic partner in person for the first time since the beginning of summer, and got to see an exhibition on one of our biggest special interests, which he may now be into. (/lh) We managed to pass a grading for our martial arts club, which was very cool. Why do we bring these up? Because even in days like this, in a dark world full of hateful politicians... our joy matters and is sacred.

So please, no matter what, keep on fighting, in whatever ways you can. Keep on dreaming, keep hold of your desire for a better world. To the degree you can, hold onto hope, even if it's of the smallest thing getting better, whether that be queer-related or not.

Trans and queer elders are sacred. They are some of the community's best weapons for fighting this current hateful political bubble, and many of them have been through similar waves to the one we are currently in. Their wisdom and experiences can help us. They inspire us, show us a future where we can be happy, and pave the way for a better world. In the future, we will do the same for the next generation of queer and trans youth... but we have to be there to support them. So keep on going and take it day by day, so when the sun rises again, whenever that may be... you can help someone who was in the same situation as you in the past not have to fight quite so hard. Be an elder, not a martyr. That's how we'll fix things in this world.

[glitteringcrab]

Maybe I can use that someday

Okay. I think... I have an inkling... of what Evil Morty had in mind when he said "you are a little different though Rick" and "maybe I can use that some day".

And it might provide some insight on why he's still on the Curve.

I-I think there... could be... some basis/buildup for the following theory (I can't really say there is buildup, because it's all a matter of interpretation right now), but I gotta admit there are A LOT of "ifs" in this equation, soo... It's all just a hypothesis.

Anyway, here goes. ('tis a long post)

So when S7E5 aired out, I remember thinking: What on earth is so dangerous that Evil Morty, who single-handedly took down the Citadel of Ricks, needs help to deal with???

There are a few contestants for this pedestal:

1. A civilization outside the Curve (What the f*** is that?!?)

2. One of Rick Prime's creations. I mean, we know he didn't like to manage people any more, so it's unlikely he ruled an empire that suddenly became headless after his untimely departure, but given that he liked building, as Rick C-137 put it, "elaborate shit", and that he had "free time" it's still possible we haven't seen the last of his creations. No way he was just sitting ducks in the Omega Device v2 waiting for someone to visit. Maybe he made something that hoarded resources that Evil Morty discovered and would like to loot?

3. The weird Morty cult (eh, weak)

4. Maybe Evil Morty doesn't need help to protect himself from someone, maybe he needs help to build something. E.g. another dimensional drive, that separates him from everyone else?

5. Maybe Evil Morty didn't have anything specific in mind when he said that to Rick C-137. Maybe he just recognized the potential there. (although I cannot help feeling this is NOT what it is; that CHIN TAP. What are you thinking, Evil Morty???)

6. Oooooor....

Well... I know we all think that whoever Rick is responsible for the cables in Evil Morty's head is long dead (I mean... I've read the fanfics and seen the fanart, although "Evil Rick" typically stars in those :P)...

...But I can't shake off the feeling that he is alive and well somewhere.

Which, on first thought, doesn't make any sense:

Exhibit A: That Rick (Imma gonna call him Puppetmaster Rick) is obviously not around Evil Morty any more!

Exhibit B: Evil Morty never seemed scared while in the Citadel, just fed up, tired and miserable.

He was okay with making himself a public figure by running for president; it seems to me he wasn't particularly worried a specific Rick would recognize and go after him (and it should be relatively easy to tell apart Evil Morty if you actually know what you're looking for: you only have to scan Mortys' heads for cables).

Exhibit C: Supposing that guy really is still alive and Evil Morty really is scared of him/hates him, but for some reason was unable to kill him originally, wouldn't it be hilariously easy to kill him once he got the whole Citadel's arsenal and manpower at his disposal?

So why did I think Puppetmaster Rick is alive in the first place?

The answer is this:

The mention of this... "super weird" Rick.

When this scene played out, my first thought was that "Super weird" Rick had an unhealthy obsession with tulips or something. Or that he filled all his creations with polka dolts. Something so crazy and silly that would make any other Rick go "ugh" and decide to give him a wide breadth, no matter how clever and valuable Super Weird Rick's brain was.

After the reveal that Evil Morty was the one really talking in this scene and that he had been going after Rick C-137 specifically, I reached the conclusion that this was all made up. That the "spectrum of all Ricks" was not real, it was something that Evil Morty came up with so as to provide a non-suspicious explanation on why he's targeting Rick C-137 in case Rick C-137 escaped. (Even though, you know, Evil Morty must have filtered through which Ricks to attack somehow... a Doofus Rick who specializes in baking wouldn't be particularly useful to Evil Morty. So... it makes sense that the Spectrum of All Ricks is real...?)

And I know that in Pocket Mortys Rick Prime was the one called "weird Rick"; but is Rick Prime really weird by Evil Morty's standards? He thinks all Ricks are trash, and Rick Prime seems a huge piece of trash as well, why would he be "weird" to Evil Morty?

In fact, what kind of Rick would seem "weird" to Evil Morty?

Why, we already know the answer to that! Rick C-137 seems weird.

Of course he does. He seems overly attached to his Morty. Tells him to stay out of the Prime Fight, to keep him safe. Is motivated over avenging his wife.

Other Ricks also call Rick C-137 similar stuff.

So... Rick C-137 is a... rogue, passionate, irrational Rick... Irrational for having attachments, that is.

Wouldn't Evil Morty --if he's a clone Morty who's been passed around several uncaring Ricks, if he's been discarded countless times-- also find Rick C-137 and his... unusual attachment to one specific Morty "weird"?

And if my theory is right... Evil Morty himself has also passed through the hands of another Rick who was... let's say, overly attached to him. Like, extremely so.

Wouldn't such a Rick seem... super weird to Evil Morty?

Although, why on earth would he appear on the Spectrum of All Ricks? Do dead Ricks also appear in the spectrum? It's already a spectrum of infinite Ricks, why make it even more bloated by including dead Ricks?? Because if Puppetmaster Rick did to Evil Morty something as horrible to as the implications I describe in the above link, why on earth would Evil Morty let him live?!

WELL.

Imagine you're Evil Morty. You're the sort of person who:

puppeteered Evil Rick

did not let Evil Rick commit suicide when he couldn't take it any more (although you made him pass out, which is slightly nice?)

could not tear your eyes away from Evil Rick when he got brutally murdered.

It is implied (I think) that the reason Evil Morty did all that to Evil Rick is that (a) Evil Rick was beating him up and (b) Evil Rick "adopted" him, drunkedly promising that this relationship, however problematic, would last forever, they could be grandpa and grandson-- oh, wait, no. If you don't shut up it's back to the agency with you.

Now, supposing Puppetmaster Rick did... something... to Evil Morty... which, whatever it was, reduced his resting face from this:

to this:

and abused him so much he ended up thinking this was Not A Big Deal:

...Now, if you were Evil Morty, and the option to doom Puppetmaster Rick in a Fate Worse Than Death was available, would you kill him, or would you trap him in an eternal torture of some sort?

(this comes to mind, which is played as a joke, but you get the idea. This sort of thing is possible in the Rick and Morty universe. It could be a time loop. It could be a clone vat buried deep underground in absolute darkness. It could be a modification in Puppetmaster Rick's brain implants.)

I guess it all depends on how scared vs angry Evil Morty was of this guy. It depends on whether he grasped the first chance available to finally kill him or whether he took some extra time to make sure he got to spend the rest of his life appropriately tortured. In any case, because Evil Morty is very pragmatic and patient, I cannot see him doing such a thing unless he was absolutely sure it would last forever.

Or, maybe, if Puppetmaster Rick was an Operation Phoenix expert, killing him in a finite way was a lot more difficult than simply trapping him alive somewhere.

Or, alternatively, maybe Evil Morty had no choice on the matter. It occurred to me the other day that the first Rick we have seen Evil Morty kill with his own two hands was "Nice" Rick. Every other Rick whose death he is responsible for, he has killed indirectly; whether through the puppeteered Evil Rick, a mob of furious Mortys, his Citadel guards, hacked portal fluid that he manipulated Ricks to use (by telling them "nobody leave, everybody stay" lol) or by re-routing their Phoenix Protocol to a different vat... one that simply happened to have razor blades at the bottom. So I'm wondering if whatever implant Evil Morty has in his head "forbid" him from killing Puppetmaster Rick (or any Rick) and he was able to hack through that restriction only relatively recently. Anyway, I'm aware this particular theory is a stretch (is puppeteering Evil Rick really that different from lifting a gun yourself? I don't think so) and I don't think it needs to be true for Puppetmaster Rick still being around.

So, let's hypothesize that Evil Morty did, in fact, trap Puppermaster Rick somewhere from where he was reasonably certain Puppetmaster Rick would never be able to escape. Evil Morty went on to live in the Citadel, get further abused and neglected, abandon the hope of ever having a family, puppeteer Evil Rick, become president, ESCAPE THE CURVE. HOORAY!!!

Oops.

I know we fans have been joking about whether that reset Evil Morty as well or not, but the truth is, it would only be a minor inconvenience to him (although extremely annoying). He has his own untainted portal fluid and the rift is still open, he could easily portal either right back to where he was before or to a random spaceship, then back through the rift.

But... wouldn't that free any Ricks who happened to be trapped in various places? Including the above described (hypothetical) Puppetmaster Rick?

Of course, portal travel was still broken (and apparently Evil Morty broke it so effectively that it also trapped Rick Prime, who makes his own batches) so it's not like Puppetmaster Rick would be able to go far...

...Unless he promptly Operation Phoenixed himself to escape that way.

Or unless Evil Morty never knew what his dimension number was, so there was no need for Puppermaster Rick to run anywhere because Evil Morty would have no idea where he'd be sent to.

Anyway. If we follow that hypothetical scenario, the Puppetmaster Rick who Evil Morty went into a lot of trouble to imprison (and torture) just escaped. Evil Morty could receive some notification in his eyepatch about this change, or he could reach that conclusion by the neon green wave pulsing by.

He could have immediately portaled back to Puppetmaster Rick's prison to find him gone. Or he could have been all "NOPE! I just escaped, I refuse to deal with this anymore! I've got my revenge, and I'm free now!" and went on with his life outside the Curve.

But, uh... that wouldn't negate Puppetmaster Rick still being out there.

And Evil Morty might think it unlikely any random Citadel Rick (who just happened not to be on the Citadel at the time of its destruction) would be motivated enough investigate the Citadel's ruins, reach the conclusion that the President was responsible, and decide to go after him... (it is unlikely; why would any Rick bother to do that?)

...But wouldn't you say hypothetical Puppetmaster Rick would be motivated enough to go after his previous sidekick?

SO.

In that scenario, Evil Morty is definitely hiding.

Maybe he's taking advantage of the un-rifted Curve's "wall" properties to create a shield for his minecraft base. Maybe he's taking advantage of some other, specific property of this particular universe to strengthen his shield. Maybe he's hiding his brainwaves, blending them with the brainwaves of the Morty (or Mortys) living in this one universe. Maybe he's closely monitoring the Curve for anyone going out.

But in any case, he knows that --sooner or later-- he will probably have to deal with Puppetmaster Rick. And sure, Evil Morty has already moved mountains, and defeated this guy once, so he knows he can do it again... So I wouldn't say that Evil Morty is scared of him, per se...

...but he might be. This would be the Rick who scarred him so horribly he thought hundreds of naked tortured Mortys were small potatoes (Rick C-137, Rick Prime, and any other Rick would only try to kill him; Puppetmaster Rick would probably try to pick up from where he left off). And even if he's not scared, I'd haphazard a guess that Evil Morty is repulsed by him. He wouldn't want to meet this guy again. Unlike Rick C-137, who lived to see Rick Prime slain, Evil Morty is no longer motivated by revenge, he seeks peace. Wouldn't fighting Puppetmaster Rick again be extremely emotionally taxing, probably more so than puppeteering Evil Rick and running the Citadel were?

...and wouldn't Puppetmaster Rick be particularly dangerous for Evil Morty, because he'd know all his brain-related tricks, since he is the one who came up with them in the first place...!

...Wouldn't it be better, when that time came, to not face Puppetmaster Rick alone?

Wouldn't it better to have Rick C-137 at his side; one of the most powerful Ricks? One of the most dangerous Ricks in terms of arsenal, intelligence and capabilities, but also a Rick unmotivated to turn against Evil Morty and also a Rick enslaved to him?

(and wouldn't Evil Morty appear completely cruel and heartless and evil if he demands that Rick C-137 shoot at Puppetmaster Rick through a poor Morty who is begging them not to harm his beloved grandfather... who Evil Morty would know is not saying that out of his own free will, but of course he does not trust Rick C-137 enough to divulge this detail...? Or if he handed the recently freed Morty a gun, allowing him to kill Puppetmaster Rick and therefore also gain some sort of closure and restore his autonomy, but appearing to Rick C-137 like he is forcing the poor Morty to kill his own beloved grandpa and therefore coming off as completely unhinged?)

And I gotta say, Evil Morty DID give me the impression of being huddled in his space minecraft snowglobe. Returning to live ON (but not IN) the Curve. We weren't shown him exploring the great unknown, although he MUST have done that as well, given that he discovered that weird place with the crystal monsters. He returned home as soon as possible from that weird crystal place, and didn't even bother to remove his spacesuit when he arrived home. It seemed to me that he wanted to do as little as possible with the outside world.

Compare this with how relieved and happy he looked the first moment he escaped the Curve.

Is he just too tired? Did the novelty of freedom simply wear off, the infinite loneliness wear him down? Is his shelved-away trauma catching up to him, replacing the relief, happiness and peace he seeks with emptiness...? (all probably true)

...or did something else change as well, something that prevents him from actually feeling safe?

...So.

Like I said, a lot of "ifs".

But, if the "maybe I can use that someday" is not Evil Morty simply recognizing the potential, generally speaking, of having Rick C-137 being enslaved to him; if Evil Morty did have something specific in mind, then I'd guess that --from a story-telling perspective-- it would be something for which the foundations have already been lain in the story.

I like this theory a lot, and I like to believe that the "ifs" are close to the truth, but obviously I don't actually know that :P I'm sure that whatever the reason Evil Morty is still on the Curve, the story is going to be incredible! :D

Edit: I just stopped believing and got repulsed by my own theory lol

I really hate the idea that, after everything he's been through, Evil Morty is not Free outside the Curve. I don't mind him being huddled against the horrors of the infinite, but I hate the idea that he's still scared of Ricks, and that this fear drove him to camouflage his existence by living next to the Curve. I want to believe that the reason we were not shown him frolicking in the infinite is that he already did it and has had his fill, not that it would be dangerous for him to wander around.

I hate even more the idea that Evil Morty had chosen to resort to torturing Puppetmaster Rick all this time. I want to believe that (regardless of the atrocities he has stooped to after he decided to leave the Curve) at the moment he freed himself from Puppermaster Rick in the long past, Evil Morty was not "evil" yet. That his integrity and morals and need for freedom were originally stronger than his cruelty and hate and that he prioritized feeling safe (aka quickly killing Puppetmaster Rick to be safe once and for all) over enacting revenge (aka trapping Puppetmaster Rick in a hellish fate). That he had not sunk so low yet. Otherwise it kinda... it's like it negates the message of his story. It feels like a defeat. Like another moral battle he lost instead of one where he won his freedom back. Like another thing Puppetmaster Rick took from him.

He did not seem nervous when his shield temporarily collapsed by Rick C-137 consolidating dimensions. If he thought a specific Rick was after him, specifically, and one as particularly dangerous as Puppetmaster Rick as well, wouldn't the happenings send a million alarm bells ringing in his head? And wouldn't he be a lot more careful about leaving behind tech that could be traced back to him during the Prime fight?

Adios, theory. You were fun for a while.

Maybe it's simply like Morty said: "Nobody quits twitter". Maybe Evil Morty simply wants to use the shield properties of the Curve for his own benefit. Maybe there's some plot point or lore we weren't shown yet, which will be revealed in the future seasons. Or maybe we've all been misjudging him, and his humanity and loneliness are catching up to him, and he occasionally wants to check on how other people are doing.

Edit 2: I have... restarted believing my theory...?

First of all, Evil Morty seemed to know immediately who would be responsible for the "Curve Stability Compromised" alarm: the one Rick who knew how the Curve works, because he's the one Rick who actually made it! Plus some other Ricks appeared unable to create their own portal fluid (remember that old-man Rick who hung out with the Mortytown Locos, who was creating bootleg portal fluid, but whose "math was off"?) And since Evil Morty destroyed the Citadel, they'd be unable to go get more of it... So if Puppetmaster Rick was one of those Ricks who had to buy his own portal fluid, then ever since the destruction of the Citadel he'd be trapped, able to travel to different universes only by... rerouting himself during Operation Phoenix (an accommodation for Ricks Evil Morty obviously doesn't have in his home base). So in this scenario, Evil Morty is staying close to the Curve not so much out of fear, but more as a precaution. If Puppetmaster Rick can make his own portal fluid, of course, all bets are off.

Evil Morty should be adequately confident that his trail has vanished, gone cold by now. The last Puppetmaster Rick would have seen of him would be during season one, at best. Puppetmaster would have known him as "Morty 79⊢⊇V" (or something like that); but Evil Morty has destroyed this record and assumed a new identity. It would be very difficult to connect who he was before to the Morty President, to the Morty who escaped the Curve (and I bet only Rick C-137 and Morty Prime know some Morty escaped the Curve; unless they told other surviving Mortys). The best Puppetmaster Rick can do is search for his brainwaves or dimensional signature (which must probably be very effective), but he's not looking for "Evil Morty". He has no reason to think there is any Morty outside the Curve. He might not even be able to tell whether his old sidekick is dead or alive by now (if Evil Morty is efficient enough in hiding his presence).

So in all these scenarios, Evil Morty staying close to the Curve is a strategic decision based on caution, not one borne of panic (which I like, because I don't want Evil Morty to be scared any more).

And it just occurred to me that, if Puppetmaster Rick is still alive, he would have prepared himself for the eventuality of their encounter (same as I'm sure Evil Morty has done). He knows how Evil Morty's implant works, and its remains are still in his head. I'd bet anything he has fabricated a device or instrument or weapon to shoot at his head (much like Evil Morty's finger guns) to instantly override the implant and regain control. And Evil Morty would know that, he'd be able to tell immediately what said weapon is for. Man, their encounter would be terrifying.

[ducktracy]

Hey, I just wanted to say that The Bear That Wasn't was one of my favorite picture books as a child, but since I wasn't aware of Tashlin back then I only learned it was his work after seeing you tweet it a while back. Revisiting it, it's still joyous and funny, but there's a deep poignant truth in the story that's very relevant to both myself and the world at large. And while Tashlin had an amazing career, The Bear That Wasn't is the work of his that I cherish the most.

I'M SOOOO HONORED AND TOUCHED BY THIS ASK!!!! thank you for sending this in!! i'm so happy to hear you have such a special connection with this book!! i really wish i had known about it sooner--one of my many artistic aspirations as a kid was to be a children's book illustrator, and that's a book that i know i would have been utterly fixated by and used as inspiration had i had it. so this makes me so happy to hear!!

and YES, I AAAABSOLUTELY recommend everyone reading this ask to read the book! you can! right here! for free! treat your eyeballs not only to these gorgeous Tashlin drawings, but a very touching and as you said POIGNANT story!! it's so fantastic. Frank Tashlin is seriously one of my biggest and most omnipresent inspirations, i swear he just about influences every facet of my life that i could possibly regard with any sort of artistic influence. he was an amazing cartoonist, an amazing cartoon director, an amazing live action director and now an amazing author!!

another book i'd love to get my hands on is another one of his, The Possum That Didn't. images are a bit hard to come by online, but the illustrations still have that same charm and it's just!! UGH! the level of talent on display!!

while images may be hard to find, there is an animated version! i'll have to give it a watch since i haven't seen it myself! i also need to reacquaint myself with Chuck Jones' adaptation of The Bear That Wasn't. i'm glad that Tash's books were regarded enough to get animated adaptations... and by his old coworkers, no less! though if memory serves, i don't think Tash was very impressed with Jones' take lol

i wasn't very happy with how it was coming out so i (hopefully momentarily) abandoned it, but a few months ago i tried doing some screenshot redraws mimicking the style of Tashlin's book illustrations in hope of creating a mock-up storybook adaptation of Nasty Quacks as a sort of "prep project" for another project i do have in mind and do want to commit to.. maybe someday i'll pick it back up. but, needless to say, his books are as big of an influence on me as his cartoons and his movies and his comics!! i'm so glad to hear this

[alice-the-demon]

(Interrupting the Hell Tower Q&A for a moment to show you a redesign of an Oc I haven't drawn since high school)

Diana Jewel

(The original designs from 2021, I changed her name to Diana because I thought it sounded cooler)

To be honest, when I first created her I just basically stole Strawberry Crêpe Cookie's design from Cookie Run Kingdom. When I first discovered the character I thought they were armless, because of the fact that they hide most of their body under a cape.

I thought it was pretty cool to see an antagonist with a disability, I have never seen something like that at that time. So I guess that creating an OC looking pretty much like them was my way to show my appreciation, I think.

And then I discovered that Strawberry Crêpe Cookie did, indeed, have arms underneath the cape. Whoops.

But even with that discovery, I still thought that the idea of a villain with a disability was still very great, so I decided to make some modifications to my OC. Especially the design, I didn't want to be accused of plagiarism.

Meanwhile I also thought of a backstory and personality, from which I got inspired by the songs "Primadonna", "The Family Jewels" and "Bubblegum B*tch" from Marina and the Diamonds: a privileged girl who grew up in a rich and imperfect family, she has an incredible talent for robotics and mechanics but because of how she was raised she's also very immature and incapable of showing affection (at least, for now).

I have an idea of creating a story with her in it, where, after committing a theft, Diana and a couple of other villains get transferred in a special school of heroes to change their behaviour.

There Diana would learn to grow as a person along with the other characters she meets there, in a world that is basically a combination of "Despicable Me" and "Big Hero 6", that it also makes a commentary about the school system and how it affects its students... But I think I'll stop here, I've already talked enough in this post lmao

But I do like to talk about the many ideas I have in mind, I have many stories that I want to tell yet so little time and energy to talk about and develop them. As for now I'll remain in my comfort zone that is the Pizza Tower fandom, but who knows... Maybe someday I'll be able to tell my own stories to the audience...

[wildflower-otome]

[Translation] 9 R.I.P. - Toka - Godly End After Story

Source: Otomate Market Summer 2024 Short Story Card Note: Major spoilers for Toka's Godly End below.

Toka Short Story Card - Together as Mortals ~Being with her~

The first summer after I had made my decision to live together with her.

I spent my time treasuring each of the days I spent with her. In order to not waste even a second, I revolved my life around hers. Anything other than her wasn’t really that important.

Tonight, we were to go for an evening walk at her invitation.

…..Just ten more minutes until the time we’re supposed to meet.

It was strange how I enjoyed even the time I spent waiting for her.

‘Toka-san, sorry for making you wait. Looks like I’ve lost again.’

‘You’ve “lost”?’

‘You’re always the first one there wherever we meet up. I was just thinking that sometimes I’d like to be the one to get there earlier and wait for you for once.’

‘Heheh- I doubt that will ever happen, so you’d best give up on that.’

‘…..Just how many minutes early do you usually arrive?’

‘It’s a secret.’

Heheh- She seemed to be thinking it over. Still, she would never win against me. When all was said and done, I normally got here an hour before after all.

‘Come, let’s go. Your hand, please.’

As I spoke, I held my hand out to her, and she took it.

Before my hand had been small, but now it was large enough to envelop hers. The feeling of comfort it gave me wasn’t something I could express in words, however….it did make it feel more real to me that I was a grown man, someone suited to walk at her side as her lover.

I had been fond of my child form, but I couldn’t help but be glad I had been able to go back to this one.

‘Speaking of which, what will we be doing today?’

‘I was hoping we could go see the meteor shower together. I saw on TV that we’ll be able to see it starting at 9.’

‘Stars, is it?’

Back when I had been a god, I had never been interested in such things.

…..I liked that these experiences felt new to me. They made me feel more human.

‘Have you ever seen a meteor shower before?’

‘Yeah, I have some good memories of seeing them with friends and family in the past.'

Hmph. So she’d already seen them.

‘Is there anything that you’ve never done before?’

‘…..Hm~m. I wonder. Ah, I’ve never travelled overseas before.’

‘In that case, we should go together someday.’

‘I don’t mind, but why ask me about things I’ve never done before?’

‘I just thought that I wanted your “firsts.” The first time you see or experience something, no matter what it is, I want it to be with me.’

And when I said that, she gave a pained smile.

…..Had I gone too far? Maybe she’s thinking my feelings are too much pressure…..

‘I’m sorry. I've disgusted you, haven't I?’

'You could never do that. It’s just that…..I think it’s fine even if it isn’t the first time.’

‘What do you mean?’

‘I…how do I put this…..I want to share the things that I’m glad to have experienced with you.  It’s because I was so moved when I saw meteor showers in the past that I wanted to show you the one tonight, Toka-san.’

 ‘…..I see.’

Now that I thought about it, humans tended to find joy through shared experiences with others.

I, on the other hand, had such a narrow view on things. But that perhaps couldn’t be helped. Because she had always been everything to me.

‘That’s why, I’d like you to tell me about the things you’ve experienced, Toka-san. I want to know about the things you've found moving or fun.'

‘Heheh- Sorry to disappoint you, but I’m not sure I have anything to tell you.’

‘Why not?’

‘All my good memories are within you. There’s nothing more special to me than the days I spent watching over you.’

Misa’s face reddened, and she went silent.

…..I hope she thinks of that as something to be happy over.

While thinking such thoughts, I looked up at the sky.

The stars twinkled in the now slightly darkened sky as the moon glowed faintly.

….I was looking forward to seeing the meteor shower. We would be able to see the scenery that she had been so moved by, together…..

[obxfiles]

What are your thoughts about all the drama and rumours surrounding the cast right now? Because it's honestly affecting me more than I imagined... this situation is so frustrating

i'm so sorry it's affecting you love. and i really don't mean this in a rude way because i've honestly been there too, but the best thing you can do for yourself is to kind of step back from it. if it's impacting you negatively, step back and distract yourself with something else. none of these people would want you to be affected by whatever they've got going on in such a way. just take a breather. read or try to watch another show or something to just give your emotions a break.

now to answer your actual question....i feel badly for saying this but i'm honestly fascinated. like, this feels like something out of a tv show or book but it's real life and real drama and it's just really fascinating. but we have to remember that these are real people with real emotions that have been really hurt throughout this. they aren't characters in a book or movie for content and consumption. as fascinating as the drama may be.

honestly i just want everyone to be okay. in my dream world everyone would still be close friends, or at least in the future be able to get back to that. i truly believe back in season 1 and even in the before filming stages, they'd formed a little family. and it sucks that that little family may have gotten lost along the way.

from someone who still very much loves people i haven't seen and spoken to in 10+ years, i hope they will be okay and that they can find that special thing between them all again someday.

and lastly i hope everyone's mental health is okay.

i hope rudy is doing okay. i hope madison is doing okay. and i hope elaine is doing okay. i do not wish any ill will on these people. regardless of what they may have done or said, the cruelty in the comments i've seen online is far worse than anything i believe they could have done and i just want all three of them to be okay in that regard. i wish i could give them all a hug and tell them not to listen to the hatefulness and that things will be okay. that goes for each of them regardless of anything else.

take care of yourself love. that's the main thing. if obx and the bts stuff is causing you pain, step back. i say this as someone who has cried over jj and have felt sick over him. sometimes the best thing you can do for yourself is to step back, even just for a bit. even if it's just to bake some cupcakes or go on a walk or put on some happy music and have a dance party in your room.

it's going to be okay. i fully believe that. whatever may happen, it always works out for the best in the end. things will be okay.

sending you a hug <3

[bunnyychi]

A Heartstruck Collision

‧˚₊꒷꒦︶︶︶︶︶꒷꒦︶︶︶︶︶꒦꒷‧₊˚⊹‧˚₊꒷꒦︶︶︶︶︶꒷꒦︶︶︶︶︶꒦꒷‧₊˚⊹

Masterlist

Pairing: Zach Hadel x f!Reader

Warnings: None

A/N: This is gonna be a slow burn fanfiction and Zach won't show up til some chapters in so I hope you can have a little patience for me :> This is super self indulgent btw as you can see from me making Game Grumps an intrinsic part of the story

Tags: If you wanna get tagged for the next chapters, just let me know!

‧˚₊꒷꒦︶︶︶︶︶꒷꒦︶︶︶︶︶꒦꒷‧₊˚⊹‧˚₊꒷꒦︶︶︶︶︶꒷꒦︶︶︶︶︶꒦꒷‧₊˚⊹

Living in L.A was.. different, to say the least.

Don't get it confused, it wasn't horrible but it certainly was a different experience from what you had known of a “normal life” up until that point.

If you had to use just three words to sum it up, you'd probably say: loud, busy but fun.

You had moved there a few weeks ago after landing a job as an animator at the Game Grumps Company. Your bosses, Arin Hanson And Daniel Avidan, had, after years of only talking about it and never acting on it, started working on an animated Series called “Game Gyaru”.

The ad hadn't just drawn you in because you had been a fan of them for many years, but also because of the style that they were going for. 90's anime with all the good stuff: Magical Girl Transformation, feel good humor and beautiful sparkly, saturated images.

Not only the job offer was great in and of itself but the pay you were about to receive would definitely make up for some of the left over student debt as well as the fact that your apartment was being paid for you by Arin or rather, his company.

They say “never meet your heroes” but in this particular case, you might've just gotten extremely lucky.

You had your first meeting with the Grumps just a week ago. It hadn't been anything special. A few awkward handshakes, tripping over your own words and an introduction to your new workspace (which featured one of the most expensive and fancy drawing tablets you had ever seen by the way) and of course, a brief meeting with your future colleagues. Well- a brief meeting with their names so to speak.

Apparently Ross O'Donovan, which you had been following as well, would be working on the project alongside you in addition to some other names that you haven't had a face in mind to connect them with.

They were most likely cut from the same cloth as you, other kids who just graduated from an art school that totally drained them and that have been begging for a stable job and finally getting a chance to put their degree to something useful.

As you had gotten home after your first day there, it had felt surreal. It still did even a week later and the mere thought of what your younger self would say if they saw you working under their favorite content creators was definitely tripping you up (hence the periodical screeches you had let loose whenever you thought about the matter at hand)

Much to your dismay though, all of the excitement for your new job was not enough to get you to finally properly move into your home. There were still about a dozen boxes standing around, just waiting for you to finally confront all of the useless stuff you had bought and acquired over the years.

Then again, you justified the leftover boxes by saying that you had already unpacked all of the very important stuff like dishes or clothes and yet you knew that someday you would have to face the consequences of your own procrastination.

“Did you just move in?”

“Oh no I uh.. I've been living here for a year now”

You could already hear the conversation happening in real time if there ever came a moment where you invited someone over.

‘Not today though” you thought, a sleepy yawn accompanying It. The last few days had been spent wandering around L.A or doodling various characters to try and get yourself in the right headspace for the coming months. An Art-Block would definitely be the worst thing that could happen right now so drinking in the entirety of a new city should hopefully keep your inspiration going.

Deciding to wrap up for today though, you finished your glass of water and closed your sketchbook, letting the pen collide with the hardcover of the book.

The apartment wasn't really big, yet that was absolutely fine. It meant that keeping the place clean was going to be significantly easier and the chances of losing your keys or important letters sank by at least 5%.

Just as you closed your bedroom door behind you, your phone vibrated in your pocket.

>>Hey there! Arin wanted to text you himself about tomorrow but he got kinda caught up so I just wanna make sure you're ready for tomorrow? :D<<

The text you had gotten was from Ally. She often aided Dan and Arin with their endeavors and all of their projects so it was no surprise that she also assisted with this one. Your encounter with her last week had been quite short lived yet her welcoming personality had you immediately feeling like this was going to be a comfortable working environment and one of the first things she had said to you was:

“And if there is anything you need, you can always come to me, I've got an ear for everyone”.

If that wasn’t the sweetest first thing you had ever heard while being somewhere completely new, you didn't know what was.

>>Hi :) Yeah I'm good, a little nervous but I'm sure I'll manage o7<<

You threw the phone onto your bed, pulling out your pajamas and putting them on, another vibration from your phone telling you that Ally had probably responded.

>>Oh yeah I totally get that dw! Just for your own peace of mind though, you really don't gotta get caught up with putting on a show or acting super professional, we're all friends here :D<<

You couldn't help but smile at that message. That interaction alone contradicted everything that you had heard about working life. Your parents and teachers had done a great job with the whole “that won't fly later in life” and yet here you were, using emoticons while speaking with one of your superiors.

Part of you was excited to rub it in their faces the next time you would call and yet you knew that they probably wouldn't look at animation as being a serious job. At least not if you weren't working for an actual company that had their shows playing on public tv.

Even though it was a sad thing to think about, they'd probably be more impressed if you were working on Family Guy.

With a tired sigh you plopped down on your bed, the slatted frame squeaking beneath your weight.

You contemplated for a second about whether or not you should cover yourself with your blanket. Another aspect that needed adjusting was the heat.

Luckily your apartment had air conditioning but you didn't want it running the whole time. Just because someone was paying for your place didn't mean that you had to max out every cost as much as possible.

Before drifting off to sleep, you decided on the old “one leg covered and one not”, using your body's built-in AC system (which actually worked quite well).

As you slowly succumbed to your own tiredness, your head was filled with all kinds of different images. Some were familiar, clearly influenced by the events of the past days but there were some which didn't quite fit into any picture.

You had met one of your, up until now unknown, colleagues. His face was obscured, your mind clearly leaving out the one part which would make it realistic.

You couldn't really make out what the conversation was about, only the feeling of butterflies to indicate what it was about.

Your hands had touched briefly as he took the pen from your hands, leaning over your shoulder from where you were sitting at your desk. You swore that your body actually started to heat up from what was just a random dream.

He was correcting your drawing a little and then he looked at you, his face so close to yours now and even though he had no face you just knew that he was smiling at you, his gaze softly looking at your lips and back into your eyes.

Gently, he put the pen down onto your desk while you were slowly closing the distance between you.

You felt his breath on your skin, his lips ghosting over yours, almost, finally touching-

“Ughhh what the fuuuck…”

Alright, your first paycheck would buy you an alarm that doesn't sound like an army drill.

Rubbing the sleep from your eyes, you slowly sat up in your bed. Motivation to start your job wasn’t necessarily the issue, of that you had enough. Sadly though, your sleep schedule had a mind of it’s own. Still remembering all the nights you had spent up and working on your portfolio only for some company that ended up using the Chairman’s son (who had no degree or any creative abilities whatsoever) to design their new bougie logo.

Some might say that there was bitterness attached to memories such as those.

Deciding that huffing and puffing over previous job opportunities wouldn’t get you out of bed though, you finally stood up. Immediately regretting it as you felt your head spin from the sudden movement.

Maybe a little less motivation?

You slowly made your way toward the small kitchen, coffee being the only thing on your mind when it came to the matter of waking up. As you waited for the old machine to get started, you went back into your bedroom. Opening the wardrobe and looking at it. Contemplating.

You wanted to seem put together but also not too much - didn’t want to set expectations that you would only be able to hold up for a week maximum.

A simple t-shirt and jeans. Yeah, that is business casual, right?

In a way you felt stupid for even having to think about the whole thing. It would most likely be no issue if you showed up in sweatpants and a tank top for your whole time being there, as long as your work was good nothing else mattered.

Especially working as an animator, you had learned from personal experience that after 30 minutes your body seemed to magically shift into the most absurd positions anyway. So better be comfortable than not.

After donning on the not so carefully planned outfit, you walked back to your now steaming coffee. One look at the watch on our wrist told you that you had about 20 minutes left. Downing the beverage in a span of time that would definitely result in stomach issues, you opted for the bathroom. The mantra here was the same as with the clothes: Not too much but not too little.

***

The office was nicely cooled, a stark contrast to the humidity outside. You already heard many unfamiliar voices coming from your workspace, nervousness bubbling up inside you. ‘What are these other people like?Would they be way better at this whole stuff?’ Would they fire you if they saw that the others were more qualified? Usually you wouldn’t talk so negatively about the degree that you had worked so hard to get and yet in moments like these you always felt so inferior.

“Yeah, (y/n) should be here any minute now as well.”

As you heard Ally’s voice, you took one last deep breath. ‘It’ll be fine, just play it cool. You’ve come this far’

Turning the corner to the animator’s space, you were met with three unfamiliar faces. They weren’t scary looking or anything, the whole scene itself just felt comical and intimidating. As if you had been intruding on something even though they had been waiting specifically on you.

“Hey, sorry, hope I’m not late or anything?” You glanced at your watch once agin. Just on time.

“Oh no, we all showed up more or less right now so nothing to worry about!” Ally showed you a sympathetic smile to which you couldn't help but reply with one of your own.

The introductions luckily went by quite fast, leaving little room for any awkward silences that you always dreaded when it came to meeting new people.

For one, there was Hayley who seemed to come straight out of the hipster era from the 2000’s. She had long blonde hair that went far past her shoulders and was contrasted starkly by the red beanie which she had pulled halfway over her head so that a lot of the fabric was casually hanging down at the back of her head. It was already clear as she introduced herself that she was an energetic type of person. That and the fact that she had been living in L.A for 3 years now, definitely made you feel a little inferior, even though she seemed friendly.

Jackson, a tall brunette guy whose style was very normal (in a good way), had also been living here with his girlfriend for about one and a half years now. The way he talked and the ease with which he spoke made him appear confident and yet there was something very humble about him. Perhaps a sort of ‘gentle giant’?

Lastly, there was Raphael. He came over to the USA all the way from France and although his english was as good as that of any foreigner who dismissively says that their “english wouldn't be very good” (which was the universal sign of their english surpassing even shakespeare), he still had a french accent which drew everyone in as he was talking. It sounded so much more fancy even though it was just a regular introduction. His hair was tightly coiled at the top and what especially stood out about Raphael was the white tattoo on his right forearm. The white ink stood out like it was some magic seal and depicted a moth breaking out from its cocoon, one wing already free'd.

Out of the other two, he was the most timid one and the only one that felt like he felt as out of place as you did.

“Alright, now that all of us are here, I just wanna make sure that all of you got the mail about the concept for the Pilot?”

Everyone agreed in a half-unison “yeah”.

The Idea for the Pilot was quite simple in and of itself. It was no secret that the whole series was heavily inspired by shows like Sailor Moon or Cowboy Bebop which is why it was set in a sci-fi world which still felt all retro-y. The episode was supposed to start with a little sequence in which Arina was playing an arcade game in their little spaceship and of course, she was losing and punching the machine. Then, Daniella was supposed to come into frame and tell her, in typical Dan-fashion, that it was alright to which they’d have a little banter.

Afterwards, the actual story of the series was supposed to begin. Their superior, a man who coincidentally had a lot of similarities to Barack Obama, informs them about a mission. A woman apparently paged them because her son was acting strange.

The whole episode basically forms about one bit where Arin pretended to be a monkey child called Franklin that was out of control. With the crucial detail that this behavior was caused by some cursed jewelry. The Pilot should end by Arina and Daniella stopping the main villain's henchman who was hexing said jewelry - meeting the big bad guy in the end as well. Typical foreshadowing.

After the brief recap of what was about to happen, all of you sat down on your desks, getting comfortable with the new equipment. Since Arin and Dan had already evaluated some of your concept art and decided upon which would be the best way to start, it was basically just piecing together the puzzle. Well, a puzzle which had to be drawn up and then cleaned multiple times but still.

After a while of experimenting and Jackson and Hayley actually getting somewhere with their segments, Ross also entered the office.

“Sorry I’m late everyone, I had to work on this other thing as well. I'll try to be on time in the future.”

All four of you reassured him immediately, partly also because you all had immense respect for the guy and his abilities.

“What have you gotten so far?”

“Me and Hayley just finished sketching up like three frames of our scenes.”

Ross nodded, trying to see where he could fit into the picture.

“You guys are still getting used to the program?”

His gaze fell onto Raphael and you who could only reply with a sheepish smile in return.

Was it bad that you weren't working as fast?

“If we have to hurry up you can tell us, it's just like new and all. I for one never worked on an actual series up until now.” Raphael spoke up, his accent naturally swallowing up certain letters.

Ross immediately put up his hands:

“Oh no, no, all good! I just wanted to check where everyone was at.”

He scratched his chin, seemingly in thought.

“Okay, this might sound super stuck up and shit but should I maybe take on the role of director? If I remember correctly from your portfolios, none of you have worked on a series so far, which isn't a bad thing-” he hastily added in between.

“I'm just saying cause I've been here the longest as well. Might make things a tad bit easier for all of us.”

It really didn't sound arrogant, it was just the truth after all. No one opposed the idea of having someone as an actual director, seeing that it would probably help the entire flow of the team in the future.

After a brief discussion of how the program worked and how to approach the whole project in the best way, the tension that had been present in the room before practically dissolved immediately.

Ross, having worked with multiple animators already, was definitely educated in how to make beginners feel alright with their abilities and there was a silent aura of thankfulness surrounding all four of you as you continued to work.

***

“Whew, good job everyone! Holy shit that is like so much for one day!” Ross looked at your screens with an astounded expression.

Very much exhausted from concentrating and your hand having cramped up like five times today, you finally stretched. It was one of those that made you feel dizzy and like you were ascending into another plane of existence.

“Do you guys have any plans now?” Ross asked, cracking his fingers one by one.

“Nope, not really. Well, aside from sleeping.” Hayley let out a breathy laugh and got up from her chair.

“I’d invite you guys out for a drink if you want to, some team building and what not.”

That offer would definitely not be turned down.

Ross had mentioned a pub that was actually in walking distance (a miracle from what you knew of American cities). And so, after telling Arin that you'd be finished for today, you guys made your way over there.

The conversations were held light, except for Jackson who saw this as a great opportunity to shower Ross in compliments about his works. The Australian seemed to be slightly overwhelmed by the onslaught of support but he hid it quite gracefully.

You stayed behind everyone as you walked, your social battery needing to be refilled a little before entering a place where conversation was inevitable. You weren't opposed to social interaction, you pretty much appreciated it and realized that you needed it and yet being in a new environment with what were basically just strangers (no matter how famous they were online), was absolutely draining.

As you entered the bar, you were immediately hit with the smell of alcohol and sweat. It wasn’t irritatingly strong but it was recognizable by everyone as you entered, faces twisting for just a split second.

Ross sauntered over to the counter, it was clear that he knew the barkeeper behind it. She vaguely gestured to a corner of the establishment, a little round booth where you were supposed to sit down.

You were leaning back against the soft cushioning off the wall, stretching your legs beneath the round table. The bar looked quite nice, you had to admit.

The whole place looked like it came straight out of another century but not worn out or scuffed. No, it looked fairly well looked after and it seemed that there was definitely no shortage of customers. If anything, you had gotten lucky that Ross had connections or otherwise the plans of a drink after work would have been quickly snuffed out.

The conversations started flowing once again after everyone had gotten their drinks. You mostly decided to listen, chiming in here and there if you had anything in mind that you thought would contribute nicely to the conversation. Otherwise you just sipped on your beverage from time to time, letting the alcohol relax you a little bit more, your fingers still hurting a bit from the way you were holding the pen the entire day.

“Yeah, my parents weren’t really happy with me moving across the entire world.” Raphael confessed, a look of guilt on his face. “I can imagine, you gotta tell us what it’s like in France, I’ve always wanted to go!” Hayley exclaimed, interest clear in her voice.

“It’s not super special, although the cities look nicer, no offense!” Raphael giggled. That you had to agree with. The beach was about the nicest thing in L.A that you had seen so far. Not to mention, walkable cities, who?

“I’ve been to europe once and yeah, it’s like entirely different with how the streets are and all-”

“Ross?”

You all looked up to the voice that interrupted the conversation.

“Oh Chris, what the fuck? What are you doing here?”

Ross got up and hugged the guy whose name apparently was Chris. Could that be the guy from DoodleDoods back then? You remember enjoying the creepy things he used to draw up seemingly on the spot. Didn’t he also have a gaming channel? What was the name again? Oney or something?

“I wanted to come here with Lyle but I think the fucker forgot or something cause I can’t find him anywhere.” He half laughed, he didn’t seem to actually be bitter about it.

“Aw that sucks, well yeah I’m here with my new animation team!” He excitedly pointed toward the four of you now awkwardly sitting in the booth. You gave a little wave to Chris who showed me a little smile in return.

“Animation- oh yeah right! The Game Gyaru thing I remember.” Ross nodded.

“Yup, that’s Raphael, Hayley right next to him and there are Jackson and (y/n)”

“Awesome, nice to meet you, I’m Chris!”

“Wait, you do OneyPlays right?” Jackson spoke up to which Chris threw up his hands in a gesture of feigned defeat. “You got me.”

After another minute of standing around had passed, Chris decided to simply sit down along with all of you, Lyle wouldn’t be showing up anymore anyway - his own words.

What surprised you about him was that talking to him felt very.. normal.

With the Grumps for example there was this feeling of “Oh my god they are internet legends” and although they were just regular everyday people, it still felt surreal talking to them.

The atmosphere in the bar was casual, like you couldn’t make any mistakes and as everyone was agitated in conversation, you realized that living here and working with all of them might actually turn out to be a really fun experience.

[epickiya722]

If you don't mind me asking, can I ask your top favorite fics that you've written (feel free how much that you want to list)? Why they're special to you? Is there a specific inspiration when you wrote them?

Thanks if you want to answer....

I'll tell you, all my fics are special to me and most of the time, I find myself having fun writing them. Writing isn't just a hobby, but a way for me to release pent up feelings I have or express an idea that came to me.

To name a couple...

Beware of the Bunnies - It's the first fic I wrote for "if Miruko was Midoriya's mentor". It was fun writing that fic, especially when it's a fic for my two #1 faves. I honestly didn't expect the amount of attention I got for it!

Not Red, Black - I sometimes like branching out from writing warm-hearted, funny fics and this is one of those times. Another AU idea I had, but if Miruko and Midoriya were eldritch-like creatures and related. Unlike its prequel, this one stepped more in horror imagery and I think the direction the fic took.

Forbid a Woman from Being Great - Yes, another Miruko fic and one I actually wrote out of spite. When it comes to this fandom (as with any), is how double standard they can get. With Miruko, I have seem people hate her for being "too aggressive" or "too mean", but praise other characters for those same traits or even give excuses for their behavior. Or with fanservice, the same people who complain about it also thirst over the male characters getting bloody and shirtless. I don't hate characters like Dabi, Shigaraki or Hawks but I can't stomach how their fans act when it comes to Miruko or any other character really. It was actually a Hawks fan that irritated me enough to write this fic as well as get me out of the writing funk I was in.

An Absolute Menace - This is a fun little fic. It's part of a series of Class A and occasionally B partaking in antics. With this one, writing Koda as this troll was new, but fun.

Let's SK8 Over the Rainbow - This is actually a SK8 series that I wrote and it's still one of my favorites. It started off as a headcanon (Reki allowing Koyomi to paint his nails) and then spiraled into a collection of short stories themed around colors and I love colors so much. One of the fics, You're Lime Green Jell-O, I dove into expanding a character that only appeared once in SK8. Her name is Miki and she has green hair and I remember seeing her and going "You, you're getting some personality, a story, etc." Best decision ever. I just loved writing Miki and I think it was the first time I wrote a whole story for a character that only had two lines in canon.

Tu es le Moment Auquel J'appartiens - Another series I adore. I wanted to write some jealous Vanitas since I don't think I had seen a lot of Vanoé fics where he was the jealous one while Noé was more oblivious. Not at the time, I don't know about now since I haven't read a VNC fic in a long time. The title translates to "You are the moment I belong to" which is a line of lyrics from the anime's first ending song that I love so much.

It's the Pink Hair, Isn't It? - Do not get me wrong! I do love the AUs I see where Sukuna and Yuji are brothers, but the idea of this fic came from what if they were identical strangers and not related in the slightest. Even funnier, in the fic, Kenjaku and Suguru are siblings that look like twins, but Kenjaku is older. My favorite scenes probably have to be Kenjaku and Yuji interacting and Sukuna and Yuji meeting. I've also been cooking up a sequel so I can write more of Kenjaku and Suguru being siblings and Yuji's brothers and I do mean all nine older brothers. (I relate to Choso so much.)

Your Heartbeat Is My Comfort - Ever see a beautiful piece of fanart and you want to write a fic about it? That's what happened here. I saw this FushiIta art post here and it was like BAM! I had to write a fic. It was also another I didn't write something comedic, but more somber, bit of tragedy yet comfort in there.

Maybe Someday We'll Meet Again - I'm all for the Teacher Geto AU! However, this fic came from a what if scenario had Suguru and Yuji had met when they were younger and I always how Kenjaku was even aware of Suguru's technique. So I put both ideas together and thus this fic was born. It isn't dark, but little less comedic than others and I tried my hand at focusing on more of Yuji's strangeness and innocence here along with Suguru's character before he became a curse user.

You Are My Special - Again, another time I went for less comedy and fluff and tried with something else. I actually don't know how to categorize this one in terms of genre. SPECIALZ was stuck in my head for a long time and it got when I really started thinking about the lyrics and decided why not try writing something from Kenjaku's POV about Yuji? It may have took forever to write, but I'm glad I did. I actually wanted to write a companion piece of sorts but from Sukuna's POV about Yuji.

The Pink Sky and Cherry Blossoms - I actually just posted this fic and I'm glad I waited to answer this ask because of it. I was rereading the manga and came to Uro's fight with Ryu and Yuta and instantly fell in love with her character and thought about how would it have been like if Uro met my other favorite, Yuji? They have some similarities going on there and it was eye-opening writing those into this fic, especially with Uro's character. I wasn't around when that arc came out, so I didn't know how the fandom acted towards her, but for me, I just felt there's more to her than the surface. She's the Miruko of JJK to me as Yuji is the Izuku. Just as I would love for Miruko and Izuku to be a duo in a big sis-lil bro/mentor-mentee way, I love the same for Uro and Yuji.

The Craving That Paints Your Lips Red - The last fic I wrote for 2023 and a sequel to another fic, I wanted to try my hand at the horror again. But more tame, but still "Oh my gosh". I'm writing a post about it, but I have thoughts about Yuji and Sukuna's relationship and sometimes I have this feeling that Sukuna wants to corrupt Yuji, kind of like shape him to be the next him almost. Not for certain, but it's an idea that kind of struck me. For this fic, I wanted to explore a more horror fic side of Yuji housing the King of Curses. The best part of this fic for me is how I unintentionally stuck with the idea that Yuji keeps getting back up no matter how many times Sukuna tries to break him.

That list got longer than intended, but again, I have a lot of fics I have enjoyed writing! I'm glad to have talked about them and I thank you for asking! 💜

[undescribed1mage]

breaking down my doctor who playlist by what from the show they remind me of the most <3

As The World Caves In by Matt Maltese — The Doctor & The Master, more specifically in The End of Time Part One & Two & Last Of The Time Lords. but also. just. vibes (vibes about the doctor holding the saxon master after he was shot).

Happy Xmas (War Is Over) by John Lennon — All of the Christmas specials but mainly, again, The End of Time part one & two. & . everything about that.

Two Birds by Regina Spektor — The Master and The Doctor, again (they're awful), but also twelve & clara with the bird symbolism and clara leaving when he tried to save her, clara being brave and letting go, and Jack & Torchwood &. everything with that (i've never seen Torchwood but I still know like. most of what happens)

Memories by Conan Gray — Martha Jones, specifically in the episodes after her season (also Jack in seasons 3 & 4). With 'It's been a couple months / that's just about enough time / for me to stop crying when I look at all the pictures / now i kinda smile / i haven't felt that in awhile'. 'You see / it's hard to find an end to something that you keep beginning / over and over again.'

I Know The End by Phoebe Bridgers — Ten's era, with different companions for different parts like — "When I get back I'll lay around / then i'll get up and lay back down / romanticize a quiet life / there's no place like my room." with Donna at the end of Journey's end, and "Out in the park we watch the sunset / talking on a rusty swing set / after awhile you got quiet / and i got mean / always pushing you away from me / but you come back with gravity / and when I call / you come home / a bird in your teeth." (the last line specifically with the fact that Jack was Supposed to be in a good man goes to war). I also think it works very well with The End Of Time Part One & Two & just. the world almost ending at the end of s4

Your Sister Was Right by Wilbur Soot — You know how like. every mother during the RTD (pt1) era slapped the doctor at some point? yeah. just. the doctor in reference 2 rose, martha, & donna & their mothers. as well as the doctor thinking that they're bad news which is something that comes up quite a bit with these songs.

Why Didn't You Stop Me? by Mitski — I don't really know how to explain this one it just. gives me ex-companion vibes, specifically with 'I look for a picture of you / to keep in my pocket / but i can't seem to find one / where you look how I remember'.

Long Live by Taylor Swift — In reference to a companion departure, from the Doctor's pov with 'will you take a moment? / promise me this / that you'll stand by me forever / but if, god forbid, fate should step in / and force us into a goodbye / if you have children someday / when they point to the pictures / please tell them my name.' & 'i had the time of my life fighting dragons with you.' I think, if we're going for a specific companion, it's very the Doctor & Donna coded.

Walking All Day by Graham Coxon — something about how multiple companions have followed the Doctor to the end of the universe (specifically martha & jack but I think it could also work with clara) & how devoted companions are to them, especially the ones that are interested in him romantically (that one rory quote that's him talking about how the doctor makes people want to impress them).

Never Love An Anchor by The Crane Wives — Part of my interpretation with this when it comes to Doctor Who is how the Doctor, after losing a companion, is always 'i will never love again this is the end for me...' & then he meets the next companion & does it all over again (& in specific situations, such as Donna & Amy & Susan & Vicki, they're very similar to the person he just lost), and also how awful ten was to Martha (& Jack) & oblivious to most of it because of the loss of Rose (it's a secret i keep tucked inside my chest / with this heart of mine that's guilty not remorseful / there is love that doesn't have a place to rest / but it would've buried you if it had settled on your shoulders). The Doctor just also (as seen in the Church On Ruby Road) just thinks they're bad news in general (no comment from my end on this) &. yeah

Two paragraphs for this one! The second interpretation I have is specifically the first doctor after the loss of Susan, and how he was (for the end of their time together, which was what we saw in Susans serials) very hard on her especially for her last two serials. Also, him leaving her behind & 'so I did the only thing that I could / and severed the rope that set you sailing from my harbor'. I don't have a lot to say about this but. the doctor & susan make me so :(

Be Safe, Be Good (For Rachel) from Ride The Cyclone — do you ever think about how many deaths (companions or otherwise) (no spoilers please i'm on series ten for nuwho & season two (soon to be three!) of classic who so) the doctor has caused. indirectly or directly. do you ever think about clara & how her family and her students will likely never know what happened to her. do you ever think

Blue Lips by Regina Spektor — originally when i added this to the playlist (back when i was first making it, probably around me watching series five) i had intended it to be about the doctor but now i think it's more about ashildr / lady me and how much she's seen and how much she's lost. she forgets anything she hasn't written down (and rips pages of things she wants to forget out) and she's seen the world in most of it's phases, she's seen societies crumble and rise &. yeah

The Main Character by Will Wood — I have so much 2 say about this one. buckle in. i'm that first person they talk about in all the books.' him being referenced in literally the first episode of torchwood (for valid reasons he is a very important part of jacks story). & 'imagine if protagonists just died in the first scene.' cut to jacks death in everything changes. & 'I loot plot armor from NPCs / well they are to me.' again. the amount of people that have tried to help him & died. specifically one off ones. & 'Villains are everywhere / that's how I know that I'm a hero.' yhe battle of canary wharf. enough said. & 'Her majesty says the royal we demand a stander of loyalty / an agreement to be reverent / link the emperor's new boots' something about tooth & claw. + so much more that i don't feel like elaborating on rn !!!! they even mention daleks in the song <3

Right Where You Left Me by Taylor Swift — SARAH. JANE. SMITH. It is so her coded. The way the doctor left her, and how in School Reunion she talked about how the Doctor was her life (such a good episode btw). & . she was just waiting. for him 2 come back. & . godddd. i'd break down these lyrics too but i'd be saying the same thing (basically just what i've already said) about all of them so. just listen 2 it or look up the lyrics & you'll see.

Thinking About A Potentially Awkward Interaction With An Old Friend by Crywank — another ex-companion song !!! I don't have any in particular for this but i feel like whenever past companions return for an episode or two it's never nearly as awkward as it should've been, especially with Martha & Sarah Jane, especially how much the tenth doctor had grown (& how much Martha had grown !!!) in between s3 & s4 Alone !!!! 'Well memories sure / they're precious / that's true / but I don't want to make any new ones with you' is sooo Martha. & 'It would be nice to underline it / but i know we're both doing fine without the other in our life.' & ESPECIALLY 'yes / time away has taught me that I like this distance from you'.

River Like You by Maya Hawke — the riverdoctorjack polycule is insane. man. & this is on here for them <3 i think a lot about how jack's other male love interests at least vaguely resemble the ninth doctor in some ways, and how he & river are both immortals so they'd be the perfect people to travel with. & how the doctor tries, at times, to separate himself from both of them (much more severe with jack). 'i've loved a river like you before / i'm a river too'.

Motion Sickness by Phoebe Bridgers — Martha Jones deserves to be SO bitter about how the doctor treated her. SO bitter. 'you said when you met me you were bored.' & 'i have emotional motion sickness / i try to stay clean and live without.' & . yeah. martha jones you will always be famous. also 'and while you're bleeding on your back in the glass / i'll be glad that i made it out / & i'm sorry that it all went down like it did.' in reference to the end of time part two.

Smoke and Mirrors by Emily Rohm — certain parts of it. are kind've the like traditional backstory for a companion (with nuwho) like. 19-25 year old girl who lives with her parents & is bored of everyday life & still waiting for her life to begin & then the doctor comes along & she's swept away into time & space & now she's sosososo important !! + 'She walks alone every morning / down the same old street / and wonders how she let her days get stuck on this endless repeat / she wants that movie life / a hero comes to sweep her off her feet / they'll run away'. & there's other parts that could fit but generally. just the same idea

Black Sheep from Scott Pilgrim — 'Hello again, friend of a friend / knew you when / our common goal was waiting for the world to end / now that the truth is just a rule that you can bend / you crack the whip, shape-shift and trick the past again.' literally no other part of this song matters in reference to this playlist. it is just that & the fact that it reminds me of the master <3

The Lucky One by Taylor Swift — companions drive me so crazy btw. specifically companions after leaving the doctor. 'It was a few years later, I showed up here / and they still tell the legend of how you disappeared / how you took the money and your dignity and got the hell out / they say you bought a bunch of land somewhere / chose the Rose Garden over Madison Square / and it took some time, but I understand it now.' with a current companion thinking about a past companion. & just. idk. something about bad wolf & the girl who walked the earth & the most important woman in all of creation & the girl who waited & the impossible girl & so on. the lucky ones.

Mr. Perfectly Fine by Taylor Swift — I've realized that from this playlist it makes me seem like a swiftie but i'm not i just enjoy some of her music & mr perfectly fine is the most tenjack coded song in all of existence. nine being at the very least interested in jack, traveling with him & flirting with him & kissing him & then ten turning around & running away from him & calling him wrong ('mr change of heart'). 'oh he's so smug / mr always wins'. 'hello / mr casually cruel'. 'always at the right place at the right time'. 'he goes about his day / forgets he ever even heard my name' . & last. but oh so definitely not least. ''cause I hear he's got his arm 'round a brand-new girl / i've been pickin' up my heart, he's been pickin' up her / and I never got past what you put me through / but it's wonderful to see that it never phased you'. I am so emotional about doctorjack can you tell.

Viva La Vida by Coldplay (Covered by Annapantsu) — don't ask me why i didn't add the original version on here i just didn't feel like it. anyways. it reminds me a lot of elevens era, with a good man goes to war & rory's line about how he (the doctor) doesn't make people brave, he makes them want to impress him (SO TRUE KING !!!) & the day of the doctor. i think it could also work with the time war & eight & the war doctor (i've only listened 2 some of eighths audios, working my way through them rn). & Maybe the battle of Canary Wharf. just generally. the doctor. & war. & how he is respected. oh & also him being the PRESIDENT OF THE WORLD IN CRISIS ???

Soldier Poet King by The Oh Hellos — saw a post about this in relation 2 ninejackrose & it got me thinking. rory soldier eleven poet amy king. i think if you tried hard enough this template could fit a lpt of the tardis teams. that's all <3

Little Soldiers by The Crane Wives — the master & the doctor. again. 'on the broken backs of all the words we spared / like little soldiers in the trenches' we're gonna take the metaphors a little seriously here & i'm gonna mention how the doctor has a habit of turning companions into soldiers and fighters. & . again. he makes people want to impress him. i think the rest of the song is still very them but that's the only part that i really have anything to talk about (besides 'i swear that you loved me / i swear that i loved you).

Not Strong Enough by Boygenius — 'Always an angel, never a god / Aways an angel, never a god /Always an angel, never a god / Always an angel, never a god / Always an angel, never a god / Always an angel, never a god / Always an angel, never a god / Always an angel, never a god / Always an angel, never a god / Always an angel, never a god / Always an angel, never a god / Always an angel, never a god' is so. companions in general coded. why can't they just have a nice time :(

Nowhere Man by The Beatles — I think this may be one of the only songs on here that portrays the doctor in a semi positive light :-) !!! — oh wait nvm forgot the lyrics. sorry we're criticising the doctor again (i adore them i swear. what a guy) 'He's as blind as he can be / just sees what he wants to see' @ ten. sorry buddy. you're really being attacked in this post aren't you. 'Doesn't have a point of view / knows not where he's going to.' do you ever think about how the doctor just sort've. wanders aimlessly in between companions. like. sir how'd you end up in victorian london wearing amy's glasses. 'Nowhere man / the world is at your command.' They are PRESIDENT OF THE WORLD IN EMERGENCIES. UNIT why would you let them have this power.

Interplanet Janet from Schoolhouse Rock — Added as a joke . for the sillies of it <3

Partner in Crime by Madilyn Mei — another Jack song (can you tell he's my favorite companion) but only like. a certain part of it (i have not listened 2 it all the way through but i heard a clip from it & went oh my god jack harkness... & here we are). 'Run for it / I'll keep 'em occupied for you / 'cause i love you / i love you so / left me hangin' at the station / but you'll be back for me soon / i'm 'bout to die / yet the only thing i'm worried about is you / something tells me you aren't coming / i guess i'm truly doomed.' it is so INSANELY PARTING OF THE WAYS CODED !!! Me when he sacrificed himself for the doctor & rose me when he was so ready to die for them. me when he woke up from DEATH to the tardis dematerializing and leaving him surrounded by dead bodies so far away from his home (which is the tardis. but yk). he was about to die and the only thing he was worried about was them. something tells him they aren't coming. he guesses he's truly doomed. j just. raigdhdjdhhdjd. he drives me crazy.

Don't Look Back in Anger by Oasis — 'Please don't put your life in the hands of a rock 'n roll band / who'll throw it all away.' so. many. fatalities, tumblr. that's all.

Oh Distant You by Wilbur Soot — okay i've already written this specific part out but tumblr deleted it when i switched from the page that i had the next songs lyrics in so i'm just gonna take a photo of the lyrics that are SO ten post rose coded & hope you read them

am i the biggest tenrose fan? no :( not on their own, at least, however i will accept that he loved & adored her. he loved her So Much. she was the first face that face saw !!!! & there are other companions that this song could work with but in my head. it's a them song. (this would probably be like. at the end of the end of time part two. him thinking about this.)

The Ballad of Lucy Gray from The Ballad of Songbirds and Snakes — i've never seen the ballad of songbirds and snakes (or consumed any hungergames media) however i do think that this song is clara coded <3 i can't really explain it but. amelia pond i love you dearly. i think that specifically 'it's sooner than later that I'm six feet under / it's sooner than later that you'll be alone / so who will you turn to tomorrow, I wonder? / for when the bell rings, lover, you're on your own'. her talking about how twelve needs to be on his own in face the raven. & how she needs him 2 understand that he cannot keep her from dying & that it's her time (he's already lost her at least twice, and that's just when we see her in the show). ''cause I am the one who looks out when you're leaping / I am the one who knows how you were brave / and I am the one who heard what you said sleeping / i'll take that and more when I go to my grave' i think this is more twelve or ashildr about her. & how she said 'let me be brave' before she died, and how she slowly became more daring after spending time with the doctor because that's just what he does (not gonna quote rory again but. yk) & how the original clara oswald (not oswin oswald or clara oswin oswald)s first appearance in the show was her standing over her own grave !!! 'Well, all right, I'm bad, but then, you're no prize either / Al right, I'm bad, but then, that's nothing new / You say you won't love me, I won't love you neither / Just let me remind you what I am to you.' clara, you are exactly what he deserves. & vice versa. they are both so awful & it is so insane. the doctorification of clara is so much worse than the other companions.

No One Lives Forever by Oingo Boingo — i . cannot explain this one. it is PURE vibes.

All My Little Words by The Magnetic Fields — last song (as of rn! there may have been more added by the time you're reading this) & surprise surprise. it's a doctorjack song. 'I could make you fly away / but i could never make you stay.' imagine you're jack harkness & the man you loved (& the only other immortal you know) is REPULSED by you. he keeps running away. 'You said you were in love with me / both of us know that that's impossible' i think this is from the doctors pov. it just seems like something he'd think. 'Now that you've made me want to die / you tell me that you're unboyfriendable' the tenth doctor after flirting by asking jack if he wants 2 die & then holding the man that tortured jack in his arms as he died in a similar fashion to jacks first death (being shot in some way). his ass Is Unboyfriendable

[clavissionary-position]

Clavis x Emma The Rose From Bed to Bouquet

tags: fluff, slight angst, some suggestive content

Clavis

I'd let Emma take me anywhere. I tell Cyran, Jin, hell, I even tell Chev, that I'm waiting for her to whisk me away. What man doesn't want to get lost in chaos and adventure with the love of his life? I don't just love her legs because of how soft and pretty and infinitely comfortable they are. She walked to me on those legs, and one day, I hope, she'll walk away with me. Somewhere far, farther than far. There's so much of the world I haven't seen, the world and its beautiful people and their beautiful lives. I want to show her and I want her to show me.

Surprise me. Don't let me see it coming. That'll be hard, but not impossible. I know and she knows that sometimes I can be... a little...

Anyway, I've already started packing. Revealing skirts, portable cooking set, shovels, med-kit, sewing-kit, a kit for making new kits, special toys. Cyran asks me if I have any self-awareness. He's already gotten bored and left the room by the time I think to answer what I assumed was a rhetorical question.

He's not wrong; is this supposed to be my surprise trip or Emma's? I deflate a little and plop down inside an empty lavender luggage like an oversized clown. I know what the problem is, but actually thinking on it stings as if I were pressing on an open wound. Not a big wound or anything, of course. Or it's that one wound again. The fear that...

Anyway, I'm almost done packing. Emma need not concern herself with this portion of our future someday trip. I am forever at her service, because she's passed every single test so far.

Emma

I can't help but feel my stomach drop a little when I accidentally come upon the small mountain of packed trunks and chests. Dammit, Clavis. Here I'd been, dreaming up plans for a wild, truly crazy adventure, something that would suit my wild and crazy lover. I was going to surprise him with it soon. I'd spent far too many afternoons giggling to myself as I imagined his face going blank and then blossoming into that sweet, beautiful smile that I loved. I hadn't told anyone else. I hadn't left any clues. It was all still in my head, so how did he-

I see a pair of familiar blue boots sticking out of an open trunk. Then I'm standing over him, looking down at him, wondering how he fell asleep contorted like this. Well, it's not that I don't know the answer. My troublesome king still doesn't let on how hard he works himself. I can only imagine all the extra load he took on just to have time to put this mountain of supplies together. I have to laugh, honestly, bitterly. You'd think he was preparing for the end of the world with half the stuff he has in here.

"Mm...a?" A warm hand latches around my thigh.

I flick him lightly on the forehead.

"Ow... don't do what Chev does...!"

I crouch in front of the trunk, reaching inside to loosen his cravat. His skin is reddish-pink where the fabric rubbed him while he slept. The white of his shirt collar is steeped in the sunset coming in from the round porthole to our right. He'd look like a doll shoved into a drawer if he wasn't so animated. His hand keeps finding my leg, my knee now, but the touch feels strangely innocent and vulnerable.

"I guess the secret's out," I say with a sigh that comes out heavier than I'd intended and yet lighter than what I feel. "How did you know?"

Clavis chuckles, still drowsy. "How could I not? After all, I am..." His brows furrow. "Wait, know what? What secret?"

I stare at him. He stares at me. Five or six seconds go by.

"About..." I venture carefully. I don't know why he would lie about this. "About... the trip I was... planning for us...?

Clavis' lashes catch the last bit of sun as he gives an exaggerated blink. "No... I was not aware that..."

I don't know how he finds room for both of us in this trunk, but he does. Two dolls in a sudden, wild and crazy embrace.

--- Thank you for reading! Inspo was Tom Sweterlitsch's writing style ^^

[shatouto]

random OC ask: what is an alternate life path your OC might have gone down? how different would their life be if they'd made those decisions instead?

ohohohoho. ohoho. oh boy

i think there are two biggest "branching off timelines" moments in solli's life, at least so far

1. running away with astarion VS staying with cazador

this moment, to be more exact. in the good timeline, solli comes down to the kennel, frees and heals astarion, and runs away with him

if solli hadn't come down to the kennel that night, cazador would keep astarion in there and torture him for another week, maybe even month, however long it takes for astarion to learn his lesson and never even think of approaching solli again. the cazador in my story enjoys making the distinction between his half-vampire heir and the spawn who are beneath him.

then cazador would rethink his approach so far and inject solli's sterile environment with more and more of his lordly venom. he will say that solli is about the right age to really learn, and start to mould solli into a second version of him.

solli is young, obedient and attached. he actually really loves his father, even in the good timeline, never mind here. he has always hung onto cazador's every word. i think once solli gets over the trauma of having to brutally beat astarion who is someone he cares about, the innocent child will truly be gone.

in this timeline solli will become a full-fledged cazador 2.0, and what he lacks in true vampire power he makes up with sadism. he will be an artillerist artificer who also makes torture device on the side (godey hates it; automation might take away his job someday!). he is cazador's second in command, often seen by his side during social gatherings, and he preens in that position. the spawn, especially astarion, hate him a lot. he doesn't care because he thinks they're beneath him

he doesn't know that he's also a sacrificial lamb when the time comes, just a little more special. he might or might not survive cazador's ascension, depending on how it goes

2. convincing astarion not to ascend VS helping astarion ascend

(this will be towards the end of the story so i haven't written it obviously lol)

this fork in the road assumes that solli did previously run away with astarion and was by his side for years before they come back to szarr palace to face cazador (like in the game).

this is basically the ascendant ending but because solli's relationship to astarion is a bit different from tav's, i still wanna talk about it a bit (also bc i've thought about it A Lot)

i think ascended lord astarion would really double down on gloating about having "stolen" cazador's heir. it's kind of sad because it's been years since he stopped thinking of solli as just a trophy and a fuck you to cazador; he's come to love the kid. but, with time, ascension will bring out the worst in him.

he has solli grow his hair out long again (so he looks more like cazador than ever), dresses him up all prettily, and keeps him locked in his beautiful chamber. solli is returned to exactly where he was as a child: a pretty doll in a glass case, to be displayed but never touched. lord astarion treats him pretty much the same way as cazador.

in my lore, solli can't really be turned into anything other than a half-vampire – he can't become a true vampire OR a dark consort. he was born being able to walk in the sun, so in return he can never have anything more than that. as such, astarion grows bored with him after a while and leaves him isolated for longer and longer stretches of time as he finds amusement elsewhere.

i'm ambiguous on whether astarion would torture him for fun at any point in time. it's possible, considering solli can look A Lot like cazador especially if you're like squinting to see that. maybe lord astarion would do it when he's feeling extra vindictive or resentful (or bored), i'm not sure

regardless, solli will just wither away in solitude and eventually die alone

[prongsfish]

thank you @fandom-trash-goblin for the tag!!

1. Are you named after anyone? nope :)

2. When was the last time you cried? i'm not sure actually, but definitely within the last 24h. i cry very easily

3. Do you have kids? noooo. i'd say i'm too young but actually i'm not all that far off from how old my mum was jeez... i don't exactly plan on following her lead in that though, she was quite young and atm i don't ever plan on having kids. i don't think i'd be a very good parent and i don't think i'll ever be ready to make a commitment that big.

4. Do you use sarcasm a lot? i do sometimes but i'm not a very dry type of sarcastic, i usually over-exaggerate to extremes

5. What sports do you play/have you played? i played netball as a kid but i'm not very sporty... i also played a bit of volleyball in hs

6. What’s the first thing you notice about other people? i'm not sure honestly. just, their appearance i guess? i have a bad habit of judging people very quickly based on their appearance and other similarly shallow factors, so i guess the first thing i "notice" is just whatever category i put them in inside of my head

7. Scary movies or happy endings? these are two entirely seperate things, but in general my favourite movies have ambiguous or bittersweet endings so probably scary movies? i don't watch a lot of horror because i prioritise an impactful story over anything else and i don't like realistic scary stories, but i like general scary atmospheres and some of my favourite pieces of media are horror (donnie darko, the haunting of hill house)

8. Any special talents? not really? idk, there are things i'm good at, but not any interesting talents that come to mind

9. Where were you born? australia. that's the most specific you're getting sorry

10. What are your hobbies? doomscrolling, listening to pretentious music, consuming + talking about media, reading/writing fanfic, drawing, and... not much else really lol. i don't do much, and there are more things i'd like to do but i barely have time to do the hobbies i already have lmao. maybe someday i'll finally learn guitar...

11. Do you have any pets? none of my own but sue me i still think of the family pets as my pets, so two dogs and three cats :)

12. All-time fave piece of media? this is an insane question but okay uhh. i seriously don't know if i can choose... i think i have to say the social network, it's my favourite movie. normal people by sally rooney is close behind (the book, i haven't seen the show yet)

13. Fave subject in school? i pretty much hated everything until i understood what was going on and then i loved it until i didn't again, rinse and repeat. but probably economics or english lit!

14. Dream job? realistically, i'm on track to becoming something in finance, probably a financial advisor or an accountant of some kind. that's kind of my "dream" field because i've been set on it since i was like 13/14, and i enjoy it! but it's definitely a compromise between enjoyment and money. for a real dream job? if i had my way i'd be a uhh professional analytical thought haver. thesis statement writer, perhaps. unfortunately it seems like there is no demand for that kind of career so i will just stick with finance LMAO

15. Eye colour? brown

no pressure tags: @crackeds0b @xeme-starx @sapphos-queer-kid