#I stg I’m never going to get through all of the fic ideas that I have bc they just keep popping up

[buddiesmutslut]

I would pay an honestly absurd amount of money to see one of Eddie’s friends that Chris knows & likes (whether that’s Tommy since everybody wants him to be an MC, or a good friend from the army or Texas) come over & hang around them, and for Chris to be excited & greet them like, “Uncle Tommy!” (Or whether their name is.)

Especially if Buck is there & gets worried like, “he’s never called me Uncle, am I not as important to this kid as I thought I was?”

Force them both to really look at the role Buck plays in Christopher’s life vs how the rest of their friends act/treat Chris, bc even if Buddie doesn’t get together, I’d love to see it acknowledged canonically just how fatherly Buck acts with Chris.

(Obviously in my dream world & in the fic I’ll probably write, this will be what kickstarts Buck & Eddie figuring their shit out and getting together but that’s just me)

[honeybadgerwritings]

Being Brave is Hard

Pairing: Eddie Munson x fem!Reader

Requested: “can i request eddie munson comforting his s/o cause they are about to have surgery and have a phobia of hospitals and medical stuff.”

Warnings: Slightly graphic descriptions of panic attacks, vomit, pain, gore, medical procedures, and anesthetic sedation (needles).

A/N: HOLY SHIT GUYS this fic was supposed to be finished a little over a week ago, and I’m so sorry about the wait. I had to get emergency surgery to get my appendix removed, which is incredibly funny to me because of the contents of this fic. I stg I didn’t plan this, I either just cursed myself or predicted the future. Either way, it’s done and I’m still healing! Everyone enjoy!

Summary: Emergency surgery mixed with a girlfriend who has an intense fear of hospitals? Eddie is going to need all the help he can get.

~~~~~~~

All you had wanted was a nice, calm, and relaxing morning where you could wake up on your own, and feel perfectly well rested. Where you could snuggle into Eddie’s arms for another ten minutes while he rubbed your back and stroked your hair, whispering sweet nothings into your ear.

Maybe he’d hold you especially close because of how cold it is outside, and he’d want to keep you warm. Maybe he’d take pity on your tired self and let you sleep through first period of school, and the two of you could show up late. But luck was not on your side this morning.

Not at all.

“Baby c’monnn... you have to get up.”

You groan into your pillow in response as Eddie gently shakes your shoulder, lips resting against the shell of your ear. He had first woke you when he abruptly jumped out of bed, scaring the shit out of you. After that, he had maybe given you two minutes of peace while he got dressed before trying to get you out of bed. You were never really a morning person and he knew that, but this time something feels off.... you feel off.

Actually you feel like shit.

And the fact that he’s trying to peel you out of bed for school definitely isn’t helping. It doesn’t even make sense, Eddie hates school. So why the hell is he trying to drag your ass out of bed in such a hurry? You have no idea, and right now you don’t care. Your body feels like it weighs twice as much, your head is pounding, and your abdomen feels like it’s on fire.

“Eddie...” you whimper, trying to get him to take the hint. He only cooes at you, thinking you’re just exhausted, and tucks a strand of hair behind your ear. You relish in the comforting touch, sinking back into your pillow as sleep begins to overcome you once more. Only for it to be ripped away immediately as the covers were pulled off you. You whine, instantly curling in on yourself as the cold air pricks at your skin.

“Nooooo...”

“Yesssss,” He mockingly whines back, “C’mon, get up. Breakfast will be ready in five.” He places a chaste kiss to your forehead before strolling out of the room, singing N.I.B. by Black Sabbath. You peel one of your eyes open to look at the clock on the wall. It read 7:15.

Too fucking early for this bullshit.

You sat up begrudgingly, blinking slowly before wiping the drool from the side of your mouth. Your bare legs are covered in goosebumps from the chilly October air that floods through the trailer vents. You slowly kick them over the side of the bed, feeling weighed down. You rest your head in your hands as the pain in your skull only grows with every movement. You couldn’t help but feel annoyance towards your boyfriend for the rude awakening he had given you.

You’re well aware that he’s not a mind reader, and probably couldn’t tell that you were not feeling well, but c’mon. Nobody wants to be woken up like that.

“Why the hell are you so excited about school you dipshit?” You whine, hoping he could hear you over his loud ass music.

“Hellfire tonight baby!” He calls back and you groan, remembering the end of his campaign was in fact tonight after school. You lift your head and stare into the mirror in front of you, taking in your reflection.

The dark Motley Crue tee of Eddie’s that you use as a sleep shirt matches the color of your eye bags, while the rest of you looks incredibly sickly. It was a startling sight to say the least. The ache in your abdomen resurfaces as you stand up, and you wince, stumbling your way through the door of his bedroom.

You‘re so confused as to why you feel like this. Last night you had fallen asleep with a slight stomach ache and now you think you’re dying. You can tell you have a fever just by how achey and sweaty you are, and your head feels like it’s spinning as you guide yourself to the bathroom using the walls.

You can hear Eddie dancing around in the kitchen as something sizzles on the stove. Normally you would laugh and make fun of him for his atrocious dance moves, but the smell of whatever the hell he has cooking goes straight to your gag reflex and you push your way inside the bathroom.

You find yourself on your knees in front of the toilet, dry heaving a few times before your dinner from the night before makes a reappearance. Tears spring to your eyes as the acid burns your throat, and you weakly call out for help the second you got the chance to breathe.

“Eddie...” you manage to choke out just in time before throwing up again. His voice begins to fade into earshot as he approaches the bathroom door.

“Uhhh baby? I sort of burnt the eggs so I think we’re just gonna have to stop at 7/11 on the way- holy shit.” He stops in his tracks, freezing as he takes in the sight before him. He only pauses for a few seconds though, before he’s quickly making his way towards you, multiple panicked “shits” and “fucks” leaving his mouth as he does so.

He carefully maneuvers his way behind you, pulling your hair from your face and holding it back. His other hand rubs up and down your arm soothingly as you retch into the toilet. You can’t help the whimpers that leave you as the pain in the right side of your stomach becomes excruciating.

“Easy sweetheart, I gotcha. Just let it all out.” You cough and hack for a few moments, and his hand moves from your arm to pressing firmly into your back, his thumb gently stroking up and down your spine, “Breathe baby, you gotta breathe.”

You try your best to do so as the contents of your stomach begin to run low, your puking coming to an end. You rest your head against the toilet seat, too tired and in pain to care about how gross it might be. You don’t even notice that Eddie had left your side until he returns, a cool wet rag and a glass of water in hand. He crouches down to your level and gently lifts your head, wiping off your face of any sweat before cleaning around your mouth. The back of his hand finds your forehead as he checks for a fever.

“Jesus Christ, you’re burning up.”

Worry dances over his features as he brings the cup of water up to your lips, allowing you to sip it. You swish it around at first, before spitting it in to the toilet and pulling the handle to flush the contents down. You drink some more after that, relishing in the relief it provides your throat. Eddie stays there with you, still supporting your head as he hums in an attempt to soothe you.

Unfortunately, as soon as he pulls the glass away from your lips you’re reminded of the sweltering burn in your stomach. You wrap your arms around yourself and lean back against the wall, gasping in pain.

“Hurts... Eddie it hurts.” You whimper pathetically, eyes pinching shut.

“What? What hurts!?” He asks in a panic, his eyes scanning over you. He watches as your hands press against the right side of your stomach in an attempt to ease the pain. His hands gently place themselves over yours and he asks,

“Right here?”

You nod frantically, pained groans and whimpers leaving you as he gently pulls your hands away. He slowly pulls your shirt up to reveal your stomach, examining to see what could be wrong. From the looks of it you’re not hurt at all, and he breathes a sigh of relief knowing you weren’t hiding any injuries from him. He places his hand against your stomach, gently pressing into your skin to feel if something is wrong. You hiss in pain and reach out instantly, gripping his arm in a silent plea for him to stop.

“Shit- I know sweetheart I know, I’m sorry.”

He continues to gently prod around until his fingers find themselves over a very swollen section of your abdomen. He sucks in a breath at that, pulling away as soon as you cry out in pain. He reaches up, cradling your cheek to comfort you as he thinks about what to do. Your eyes close and you feel dazed and tired, leaning into his touch. He needs to get you to a hospital, but he knows you well enough to realize that you’d rather lay here and die than do that.

This was going to be a challenge.

“Okay baby c’mon. Let’s get you up okay?” You don’t protest as he reaches under your arms to pull you up, helping you stand on your feet. He wraps an arm around you as he guides you back to the bedroom. He sits you down on the bed while he scrambles around.

You can’t really register much besides the pain at this point, but you are able to feel the soft mattress beneath you and you hum.

“I can sleep again?” You ask, hopeful, your words almost slurring together. Eddie can’t help but chuckle, shaking his head as he approaches you with a pair of sweatpants and his slippers. (The bunny ones he made you swear to never tell anyone about.) He places a kiss to your temple before kneeling down in front of you.

“No no no, no sleeping right now okay?” You pout at that, not even noticing as he maneuvers your legs into the sweatpants, pulling them under you and up over your bum. He slides the slippers onto your feet with ease, before tying your hair up as best as he could incase you had to throw up again.

He helps you stand once more, guiding you out to the van and buckling you in. He hops into the drivers seat, quickly peeling off towards Hawkins ER. The ride there is fairly easygoing. He holds your hand the entire time, stroking it with his thumb anytime you groan in pain, and making sure you stay awake.

As he pulls into the parking lot he realizes just how smoothly this went. Even though you’re clearly out of it, he‘d never expected to be able to get you here so easily. He puts the van in park, and you lift your head in confusion.

“Where are we?” You whine, peeking your head out the window for the first time. You look up at the giant sign by the parking lot entrance that reads ‘Hawkins Emergency Room,’ and your heart drops at the same time as Eddie’s.

So much for this being easy.

“Baby...” he starts, but you don’t let him finish.

“No no no. Eddie... please take me home. I-I can’t-” you’re cut off by your own cry of pain as you try to scramble as far away from him as possible, your abdomen burning like crazy. He slides over to you and grabs your wrists in an attempt to prevent you from hurting yourself further. You continue to fight against him, tears trickling down your cheeks as you yell at him to take you home.

You eventually end up pressed against him, your back meeting his front while his arms keep you encased. You’re pleading now, begging him to get you out of here while you cry and struggle in his arms. He can’t stop the tears from filling his eyes as he holds you close, unable to prevent the sheer terror you must be feeling.

“Sweetheart please-” his voice cracks and you let out a sob. He rests his chin on top of your head, delicately swaying the two of you back and forth, “I want to help you, but you gotta let me.” He holds you impossibly closer to him, kissing the top of your head as he tries to will the tears away.

“Pl-please don’t make me go in there,” you beg again, “I hate hospitals...I-I hate them Eds. I-I’m fine really...please.”

For a minute he contemplates it. He wonders if it’d be easier than having you cry in his arms while you beg him to take you home. But he knows that’s not an option; You’re obviously not okay, and this wasn’t just some sickness you might have caught. Eddie’s no doctor, but he can tell well enough that the swelling in your stomach couldn’t be anything good. He needs to get you in there, but first he’s gotta calm you down.

“Listen to me,” He starts sternly, “You’re not okay and you know that. You need a doctor, and we’re not not leaving until you see one.” You sniffle in response, still trembling in his arms, and his tone softens, his hands gently rubbing up and down your arms. “You’re in pain baby, and I can’t make it go away on my own.” Your lip wobbles and you whimper,

“I-I can’t Eddie please-” you’re cut off once again by a yelp of pain as you clutch your abdomen again. You turn, burying your face into his chest as you cry. You know he’s right but you don’t want to admit it; hospitals are terrifying to you, and they always had been. It’s where people go to die whether they know it or not, and you really didn’t want to be next. Eddie places his palm on the back of your head and he shushes you, continuing to rock the two of you back and forth.

“Yes you can, I know you can. Wanna know why?” You peek up at him, your puffy eyes filled with curiosity, “Cause I’ve seen you do a lot scarier things than going to the hospital.” You huff out a breath, sniffling again.

“I mean come on, you traveled interdimensionally and fought off monsters. All while trying to kill that Vecna creep to save the world.” You wipe your nose with your shirt as you slowly calm down.

“Being brave is hard. Besides, you did that too.”

He kisses your forehead, “Yeah but you did it better.” You smile and he continues, “Besides, if it weren’t for you I’d be bat food.” You shrug, feeling bashful.

“Oh! And remember last summer when you snuck into the Wallace’s trailer to steal your money back, and you outran their Rottweiler?” You can’t hold back your giggle, nodding against his chest. “That beast almost got you too.” You whack him, sitting up and rubbing your tears away.

“Bonnie is not a beast. She’s adorable, and she only chased me cause she likes me. If it was you running it would’ve been a different story. Your ass would’ve been a chew toy.” He gasps, reaching back to cover his butt in mock fear.

“Not this ass, it looks too good! Especially in these jeans.” You laugh at his antics until you gasp, your stomach flaring up. Eddie watches you carefully as you try your best to breathe, and he places a comforting hand on your back.

“Hey, you’re safe okay? I’m not gonna let anything happen to you. I promise.” He murmurs and you take a deep breath, looking back up at him with a smirk.

“You swear on Dustin’s mother?” He huffs out a laugh, shaking his head in disbelief.

“That’s a low blow.” You raise an eyebrow at him, awaiting his answer. “Okay yes. I swear on Henderson’s poor mother.”

You nod, letting out a breath.

“Alright...let’s get this over with then.”

~~~~~~~~~~

“I’m sorry, appenda-what?” Eddie asks, eyes filled with confusion.

“Appendicitis, it’s a condition where the appendix becomes inflamed and filled with pus— causing pain.” The doctor explains sliding on his rolling chair as he points towards the screen.

“Wh-what’s the appendix?” You squeak out nervously. Eddie’s hand rests on your shoulder, providing some comfort. When you and him had stumbled in, they immediately showed the two of you to a room and began to run some tests.

They initially wanted to do the tests in private, but after you had almost went into a full blown panic attack, the doctor and nurses agreed to let Eddie stay. They had given you some temporary pain killers and for a while that helped, but you were still shaking like a leaf in your hospital gown. It was obvious the staff was taking pity on you, but you didn’t want their pity.

You want to go home.

“The appendix is a narrow pouch that projects out from the colon. It really has no known purpose so removal of it would do little to no harm to you-”

“What do you mean removal?” You ask sharply, your tone immediately rising to a panic. The doctor pauses for a moment, as if trying to figure out the best way to tell you this.

“Well you see, appendicitis is considered a medical emergency because if it is left for too long it will eventually caused the appendix to burst or rupture.” You hold your breath, awaiting the dreaded words that were about to leave his mouth. You could feel Eddie bracing himself for your reaction as he slowly moved closer to you.

“A burst appendix is incredibly painful and life-threatening, which means it requires immediate surgery for removal and the cleaning of your abdominal cavity.”

In your mind you’re already gone. You’re sprinting down the hallway, trying to get as far away from that dreaded hospital room as you possibly could. Not once looking back. But here in the present? You’re frozen in place and completely filled to the brim with dread. Almost as if one more drop would cause everything to spill over. Your eyes were completely unfocused and your breathing was picking up rapidly.

“Woah woah woah hey...” Eddie starts, sitting on the edge of the bed next to you. The doctor immediately makes his way closer, placing his hand on your arm, but you aggressively flinch away towards Eddie. A cry leaves your lips and everyone in the room jumps at the sound of it. You’re scared, you’re so scared.

“Y/N it might be best if we-”

“Hey uh listen Doc,” Eddie cuts him off, “I know you’re all um medical professionals and shit but...you guys really freak her out man. I think she just needs some space.” The doctor’s eyebrows furrow.

“I understand that but it’s urgent that we perform the surgery-” you visibly flinch at the word, “before her situation becomes any worse.” Eddie huffs out a breath, his hand rubbing your back as he tries to figure out what to do. His eyes scan over your rigid form for a moment, registering just how terrified his poor girl must be feeling.

“Just... give me five minutes with her okay? Someone’s gotta calm her down and I know that won’t happen if any of you try to do it. Please.”

The man pauses for a few moments before eventually nodding, ushering the nurses out of the room before following them shortly after. As the door shuts behind them, Eddie scoots further onto the bed, situating himself in front of you, taking your face in his hands.

“Hey...can you hear me?”

You’re staring past him, eyes completely unfocused as your mouth moves, revealing the thoughts that are swirling around in your head, almost like a tornado.

“Oh god.... oh god I’m gonna die I gonna die- Eddie I don’t want to die oh god-” you gasp out, your thoughts and words completely jumbling together in a messy pile of fear. You’re trembling under his touch as his thumbs gently stroke your cheeks.

“No no no, you’re not gonna die- Hey!” He taps your left cheek lightly, trying to snap you out of whatever panicked daze you’re in, “Hey look at me.” Your eyes slowly but surely move to meet his, a look of recognition filling them. “Can you hear me?”

It takes you a second to fully register what he had said before you force a nod. He huffs a quick breath of relief before speaking again,

“Listen to me, you’re not gonna die. You’re gonna be just fine okay? I promise.” He moves closer to you, scooting forward in a gentle attempt to bring you into his arms, knowing that you could snap if he wasn’t careful. He pulls you snug against his front and you wrap your arms around him. You lean your head against his chest and take in his musky scent, listening to his heartbeat.

You can’t stop the tears from finally escaping your eyes as you wheeze the air from your lungs. Eddie can feel them soaking the front of his shirt and he’s quick to cradle your head with one hand while he rubs your back with the other. “I know. I know it’s scary baby, I’m right here.” he mutters, his voice like honey. His hand moves from your hair to your neck, holding it gently. It gives you a sense of feeling grounded, like you aren’t going to wither away from fear.

“There we go, deep breaths. Just follow me sweetheart.” There was the slight firm edge to Eddie's voice before he modeled a couple of deep breaths for you to follow along with. Your rapid breathing slowly begins to dissipate back into calm relaxed breaths as he holds you.

“God I’m so pathetic...” you huff out, sniffling. He squeezes the back of your neck ever so gently and you pull back to look at him. His hands find your face once again, thumbs wiping the tears from your cheeks.

“You’re anything but pathetic baby. It’s okay to be scared sometimes you know...” you shake your head in denial and his hands move to rest on your shoulders, “I mean it. Don’t sell yourself short sweetheart, and that’s coming from the guy who’s afraid of bats.”

You huff out a laugh, “You have a good reason to be afraid of them though-”

“And you have a good reason to be afraid of this place. Trust me, even I’m getting freaked out,” He visibly shudders, “Besides, that doctors receding hairline is pure nightmare fuel.”

You bury your face in his shoulder trying to stifle your bouts of laughter. You feel Eddie smile against your head as he places a chaste kiss into your hair. “You better hope you don’t lose your hair one day, or I’ll never stop telling you the same thing.”

“These precious locks?” He dramatically flips his hair over his shoulder, “They aren’t going anywhere. I don’t care how many hair growth products it takes, I refuse to go bald.” You continue to giggle into his shoulder, hoping that the doctor couldn’t hear your conversation through the door.

Just as that thought crosses your mind the door clicks open and the doctor makes his presence known through the clearing of his throat. He didn’t seem overly upset which was a good sign that Eddie’s comment had been kept between the two of you.

“Are we all set to get started? I can give the two of you a few more minutes if you would like?” Eddie pulls away and sits back on his heels as he takes your hands in his. He studies your face for a few seconds before titling his head back, gesturing to the doctor. He gives your hands a reassuring squeeze,

“What do you think sweetheart?” You close your eyes for a moment, taking a deep breath before slowly nodding your head.

“Ready as I’ll ever be.”

Within about 30 minutes you had been moved to the surgery wing of the hospital, and everything was set up for you to be given the anesthetic to be put under. You were shaking like crazy but Eddie stayed with you the whole time. He was informed that he would be allowed to stay with you until you were officially sedated. Part of you wishes he could stay the whole time but that was just your anxiety talking, you knew neither of you would actually want him to stick around while you’re being cut into and operated on.

“You ready?” Eddie asks you, and you look at him nervously. His hand is squeezing yours lightly, trying his best to keep it steady and keep you grounded. You shake your head lightly. “Not really, but I kind of have to be at this point.”

He chuckles, reaching up to tuck a loose strand of hair that had fallen out from the hair net behind your ear. “That’s the spirit...I think?” You smile and shake your head at him. Just then another doctor comes up to your right side, gently taking your arm into her hands.

“Alright Y/N, I’m going to administer the anesthesia now. It should put you to sleep within roughly two to four minutes. You’ll be completely safe and in good hands the whole time, I’ll personally make sure of that. Are you ready?” Her words helped to slightly ease your panic and you nod slowly. She lifts the syringe to the small tube that had been inserted into the vein in your wrist, and you watch as she empties it out, letting it flow into your veins. You don’t feel any different at first, and it isn’t until you open your mouth to speak that you feel anything at all.

“Is it working?” You ask, your words slurring out with a giggle. Eddie smiles, reaching up to stroke your cheek and you hum and the feeling.

“I think so baby.”

A moment later you’re pouting, trying your hardest to keep your eyes open. But Eddie’s thumb on your cheek was very sleep inducing...oh and the drugs too. But mostly his thumb.

“I don’t wanna sleep.” You mumble grumpily, and Eddie raises an amused eyebrow at you, “Oh really? Why not?”

“M’ gonna miss you.” Your tired eyes finally begin to droop and his eyes soften at your words, the smile never leaving his lips. He can hear some of the nurses giggling at your response, and even a mumble of ‘They’re so adorable’ being whispered into the air. He leans down and places a gentle kiss on your forehead, letting his lips linger for a moment.

“Don’t fight the drugs on my account.” He jokes, and you huff out a tired laugh in response. He continues, “And no need to miss me sweetheart, go ahead and close your eyes. I‘ll still be here when you open them again.”

“Promise?” You mumble, on the verge of unconsciousness.

“I promise.” And that’s the last thing you hear before tumbling into a deep slumber.

~~~~~~~~

Beeping is the first thing you hear as your body starts to wake up. Snoring is the second. The cold bite of the hospital air is the first thing you feel. A warm hand in yours is the second. And the bright white light emitting from the fluorescent bulbs is the first thing you see.

Eddie’s sleeping form is the second.

It takes you a few moments to even register where you are or what happened to you before everything slowly starts to flood back into your memory. You swallow, your throat feeling dry as your eyes attempt to get used to how bright the room is.

You look back at Eddie, admiring how cute he looks when he sleeps. His mouth is open too, his tongue barely poking out. He looks so peaceful.

Not for long.

“Psst. Eddie.” You whisper, trying to get his attention.

“Eddie, hey.” You say a little louder. He doesn’t even move. You roll your eyes and huff,

“HEY EDDIE!” You shout as best as you can, giggling as he startles awake, standing up, hands in the air as if he’s ready to karate chop someone. His panicked eyes scan the room before eventually landing on your amused form.

“You. Fucking. Brat.” He grits his teeth, sitting back down. “After everything I do for you? And you wanna play that game?” He grumbles, pouting.

“I just missed you. How long was I out doofus?” You giggle some more, teasing him.

He rolls his eyes at you, “Three hours, and you know, you were a lot nicer to me when you were on drugs.” Your eyebrows furrow for a moment, not recalling anything after the nurse had explained what was going to happen.

“Why, what did I say?” Now it’s Eddie’s turn to mess with you.

“You confessed your undying love to me, right before telling your doctor all about his receding hairline.” He lies, watching as your face drops in horror.

“I did not...” you try to deny, not recalling anything he was telling you, but he just smirks and nods. “Oh but you did sweetheart. And he did not seem impressed.” You groan, dropping your face in your hands, feeling completely mortified.

“Noooooo....” you whine, but he just laughs at you. You attempt to sit up more but you gasp in pain at the sharp sting emitting from your side.

“Hey, take it easy baby,” He scolds, gently pushing you to lay back down, “You just got out of surgery, you’re not gonna recover immediately.” You huff out a frustrated breath.

“How long am I supposed to stay here then?” You ask and he bites his lip, knowing you’re not going to like his answer. “Two days.” You throw your head back again, groaning again about how unfair this all is before your head shoots up once more.

“Wait, what about Hellfire? You can’t stay here, you have to go and finish the campaign! Especially when all the boys are so excited about it! It’s only five o’clock, you can still make it if you leave right now. Just take the van and come back afterwards, I can wait for you I promise. I’m sure this TV has something entertaining for me to watch while-” you’re cut off by his soft lips meeting yours. You squeal in surprise as his hands gently hold your face. He pulls away, forehead resting against yours,

“Calm that pretty little head of yours,” he chuckles, “I already called all of them and postponed it to next week.” Your eyebrows furrow in confusion.

“You...postponed hellfire? Eddie you never do that.” He leans back, smiling at you, “I’d do anything for my girl, besides, they’d all get crushed without you there.” You blush at that, burying your face in his chest.

“I’m sorry about today, I know I totally overreacted-”

“Don’t be sorry. You know I don’t mind taking care of you. I just don’t like seeing you so upset.” His fingers glide down the side of your neck, providing a small form of comfort.

“Well I can officially say that I’m slightly less afraid of hospitals now.” Eddie looks up at you hopefully, “Wait really?”

“No.” You laugh.

Just then the door clicks open and your doctor from earlier walks in, smiling at the two of you. He begins to explain what would be expected of you during your recovery process, and Eddie holds your hand the entire time.

He glances over to you, his eyes dancing over your features in complete adoration. He’s so happy that you’re okay and looking healthier. He didn’t know what he’d do with himself if you didn’t end up fine. And it’s not hard to notice just how relaxed you are. Whether you want to admit it or not, he knows you’re definitely more comfortable here than you were before, and he’s incredibly proud of you for that.

But he’s even more proud of himself when you begin to apologize to the doctor for your “comments” on his balding head. And if he not-so-proudly explains everything to the doctor and takes the blame after you fall asleep, he might just keep that to himself. Because nothing is more important to him than you.

[duuhrayliegh]

Hey! I have no idea if I already sent this or not but if I have please ignore this! Can I request a bucky x reader where reader has history homework about WW2 and ofc she asks her favorite super soldier for help?

history project

pairing: (after tfatws) bucky x reader (platonically, i imagine the reader to be abt peter’s age)

warnings: not much, language, fluff, bucky and sam bickering, weak attempt at high school drama?

a/n: y’all come up with the cutest shit i stg. also this gave me an idea for another fic so just watch out for heart melting!bucky content

p.s.: my requests and tag lists are open!

full m.list

“Okay, class! So for this project, all you have to do is create a slideshow about World War Two.” Groans of protest rang through the desks, reverberating back to Mrs. Julie at the front. “No, no! Come on, guys!” She tried to make the project seem fun, but you had effectively tuned her out. Your mind began reeling with the possibilities of your topic.

“Look! I’ll even make it easier, pick one person to do the project with!” Your heart dropped to the pit of your stomach. How was having a partner supposed to make this easier? It was already an easy project! “I’ll post the instructions later today on the board! Just email me your groups whenever you figure them out.”

Half of the class was already out of the door, not listening to Mrs. Julie anymore. You stayed seated, waiting for the majority of your peers to get out before approaching the wooden desk at the front. Taking a deep breath, you steeled your nerves. You were never good at working with a partner and you already had a really great idea in mind.

“Um, Mrs. Julie?” She turned, leaving the eraser stuck to the whiteboard behind her. “Is there any way that I can do this project on my own?” She tilted her head, hip popped out to the side.

“I’ve already said that you have to have a partner for it.” Her fingers wrapped around the top of her chair, swinging it around to give herself access to it. “Plus, we have an even number in our class. If you work by yourself, then someone else will have to, as well. That’s not fair to them, now is it?”

“Oh, well, no? I guess not--”

“That’s right. And look on the bright side, if you have a partner then it’s less work for you!” You shot her a look, disbelief riddling your features.

“I don’t think you get how kids my age do things.” Mrs. Julie waved off your comment, shooing you out of her classroom so she could eat lunch.

The rest of your day was dampened by Mrs. Julie’s unwavering proclamation. Your original idea probably wouldn’t pan out now. Your locker door slammed shut, almost slicing your fingers in half causing you to jump away from the impact. Your head turned, seeing Abigail Smith standing there, flanked by her boyfriend, Johnny.

“Have you picked a partner for our history project yet?” Your eyes widened, this girl had never spoken to you before. You stood before her shell-shocked, unable to formulate a coherent sentence as you were clutching your hand to your chest. “Well, good because now you have two--”

“No can do, Abs.” Penelope bumped your shoulder with hers, flicking her hair over her other shoulder. “She’s already got one. It’s me, I’m the one.” Abigail huffed, anger flaring behind her eyes.

“There’s no way, Pen. Y/N was just telling Johnny and I that she wanted us to be her partners.” It wasn’t a rare occurrence to hear Abigail sneer the way she was, but holy shit was it unattractive.

“Oh! Well, let’s just ask Y/N then.” Penelope turned to you, head tilted to the side. “Y/N, do you want to have Abs and Johnny for partners, or would you rather have me?” There was a beat of silence, long enough for Abigail to huff again.

“Uh, yeah sorry, Abigail. Penelope and I have already been talking about working together.” Johnny scoffed from behind Abigail, his hand covering her bicep.

“Whatever, let’s go, babe.” Abigail was clearly not happy with Johnny wanting to just walk away. Evidence to the fact that she began waving her hands wildly as they trekked down the middle of the hallway, a path being cleared for them as they progressed. A shiver ran down your spine at the interaction.

“Just so you know, we don’t actually have to work together if you don’t want to. I heard you asking Jules permission to go solo on this one.” Penelope’s words were sincere, she wasn’t big on group projects either.

“Actually, do you want to work together?” The brunette before you smiled, a smirk replacing it quickly.

“Absolutely! We should probably figure out a topic.” A knowing smile spread across your features, quickly taking out your phone for her to take.

“Just give me your number. I’ll text you my address and we can meet up tonight and talk about it.” The tardy bell rang as she handed your phone back, waving goodbye to each other. There was only two classes after the whole Abigail ordeal, making your day go by much quicker. You were making your way out the double doors of the school when Penelope caught up.

“Hey! You want to just start now? Unless you’ve got to work right after school or something.” You smiled, shaking your head as you led her to your car. Unlocking the doors, you both entered, Penelope taking control of the music immediately.

“I never knew we had so much in common.” Penelope giggled, taking a sip of her water as you drove. “I mean besides a general dislike for Abigail.”

“Yeah, most people aren’t a fan of my sister.” You blanched, motherfucking who now?

“You’re Abigail’s sister?” She bobbed her head to the beat of the song blasting through your speakers. “Wait, but she told everyone her sister moved to Switzerland!”

“Yeah, she wants to be as far detached from me as possible.” Penelope shrugged, though you could see the thought of it hurt her.

“Well, her loss is my gain, right?” Your hand met Penelope’s shoulder, lightly shoving her against the car door. She nodded, offering you a small smile before turning her attention back to the drive.

“Hey, where are we going?” You shot her a grin, keeping your focus on the road.

“You’ll see.” You turned right onto a smaller paved road. The trees on either side of the car extend to the sky. You rolled down the windows, allowing the music to filter into the surrounding woods as the wind blew your hair around. Your foot pressed the brakes, slowing beside a gate keypad. Leaning out of the open window, you typed in the code before pressing your thumb to the scanner in the corner.

“This is so crazy. Are you rich or something?” You laughed, settling back into the seat. You continued driving, ignoring the little sounds of awe that Penelope was making in the passenger seat. “Wait a minute.”

“Just don’t freak out, okay?” You put the car in park, reaching into the backseat for your bag before exiting. You were walking away from the car when you realized that Penelope was still in the passenger side. You laughed, running to her door and pulling her with you.

The glass elevator doors closed, allowing you to marvel at the forest surrounding the compound. Penelope’s jaw dropped as the elevator made it’s ascent. You clutched the strap of your bag, running your fingers over the fabric to calm your nerves. You’d never brought anyone to the compound before even though Sam had constantly told you it was fine. Penelope stood beside you, her bag dropped to the ground as the doors opened into the common room of the compound.

“Come on, this way.” You pulled your phone from your pocket, clutching it in your free hand to give it something to do. You crossed the empty room, dumping your bag onto one of the stools in front of the countertop. You rounded the island, yanking the fridge open to grab one of Sam’s smoothies. “You want one?” Penelope stayed beside the stools, timidly glancing around the room.

“I’m okay. Are we allowed to be here?” You laughed, cracking the top of the bottle and taking a swig as you plopped onto the couch in the living room.

“Trust me, we’re fine. I swear.” You waved her over, grabbing the remote off the coffee table. “Come take a seat, I’ve got a few ideas for our project.”

Penelope eventually loosened up, relaxing into Tony’s couch cushions. She would still occasionally glance around the room nervously, double checking for anyone else. It had been about two hours of straight work when the elevator doors sounded. Sam and Bucky were bickering back and forth inside the elevator, continuing to do so without regarding the two girls sitting on their couches.

Penelope’s eyes were wide, intently watching every movement of the Captain and Sergeant. You dismissed them immediately, refocusing on the notebook on your lap. Distantly, you heard the fridge door open and Sam groaned right afterwards. You slunk off the couch, balancing your notebook on the coffee table as you take another swig of Sam’s smoothie.

“Buck! I told you I made that to enjoy after our workout. Why the hell did you drink it?” Penelope shot you a look as you were taking a sip of said smoothie.

“Hey, don’t blame me, Bird Brain. I didn’t drink it.” Bucky held his hands up in surrender, turning to face the pair of you. He laughed, rumbling deep in his chest. “But, I have an idea of who did.”

Bucky leaned against the counter, tossing a small wave to the both of you as Sam whipped around the island. Sam was clutching an orange in his left hand, softly tossing it at you when he saw his cup at your lips.

“What the hell, Y/N!” You laughed as you dodged the object, thanking him as you peeled it. “No! That was mine, too.” He marched over to you, taking the orange away before you could eat any of it. You made a noise of protest, pulling a face as he stalked back to the kitchen. Sam muttered the whole way about having to make another smoothie.

“What ya workin’ on, doll?” Bucky pushed off the counter, taking a seat on the couch behind you. Penelope stiffened, white knuckling her pencil. Bucky’s eyes ran over her face, recognizing the nerves running through her system. He leaned forward, offering her his metal hand, “Hi, I’m Bucky. You are?” Penelope’s eyes shot between Bucky’s metal appendage, his face, and you.

“Oh! I’m Penelope.” She met his hand with her own, visibly shaking off the nerves as she introduced herself.

“Pen and I are doing a project together.” Bucky smiled, proud that you took your grades seriously.

“What class is it for?” He peered over your shoulder, reading the page open in your notebook.

“It’s for history.” Bucky made a face, nodding at Penelope’s words.

“Yeah,” You turned, looking at him over your shoulder. “It’s actually about World War Two.”

“Ah! You’ve got a primary source sitting on the couch!” Sam popped back into the living room, sitting on the chair opposite Penelope. “This’ll be great. Your therapist will love this, Barnes.” Bucky shot Sam a look before meeting your hopeful eyes.

“Come on, Buck. You don’t even have to do much.” You shuffled through your papers, pulling out the list of questions Penelope had helped you come up with.

“It really would be a big help to us, Mr. Barnes.” Bucky made another face, this time directing it at Penelope.

“What? Oh god, no. Just Bucky is fine.” His brows furrowed, thinking through his options. With a heavy sigh, he held his hand out for the paper. “Fine, I’ll do it.” You scooted to Penelope, both of you whispering to each other. “But! I have a few conditions.”

*

“Okay, and our final presentation is coming from Penelope and Y/N. Ladies, the floor is yours.” Mrs. Julie sat behind her desk, waiting for the two of you to start.

“Alright, our project was over World War Two.” Penelope started speaking, clicking the remote once, the screen morphing into a black and white photo of six men. “Specifically though, it’s over the Howling Commandos. There were ten original members of the Commandos. Dum Dum Dugan, Montgomery Falsworth, Jacques Dernier,”

“Jim Mortia, Gabe Jones, and James Buchanan Barnes. Each member was handpicked by Steve Rogers to help in the effort to take down the rogue Nazi group, HYDRA.”

“The Commandos were unstoppable, taking out HYDRA operations left and right. Eventually, they were able to capture Arnim Zola, one of HYDRA’s top scientists.”

“They are now just a memory, an exhibit to ooh and aww at in the Smithsonian. None of the original members are alive today.” Penelope tilted her head to you, “Isn’t that right, Y/N?”

“Well, actually there is one member still alive. When James Buchanan Barnes was declared MIA, he was really a Prisoner of War, being held by HYDRA and forced into The Winter Soldier Program.” Penelope clicked the remote again, images of files covered the screens.

“When Natasha Romanoff dumped all of HYDRA’s secrets onto the web, everything was put out in the open. This includes the treatment of one James Buchanan Barnes. We’ve learned from the released information that Barnes was subjected to mental torture as well as physical torture as HYDRA scientists tried to replicate the Super Soldier Serum that was given to Steve Rogers.” The screen changed again, a picture of Steve and Bucky from the Smithsonian illuminating the room.

“Though he was a POW, Barnes was labeled an Enemy of the State that has since been revoked because it was clearly wrong. This man lost over seventy years of his life brainwashed into doing someone else’s dirty work.” Penelope continued talking, allowing you to run your eyes over the desks. Your classmates listened intently, leaning forward on the edge of their seats. A hand went up at the closing slide of the presentation.

“Johnny?” You pointed to Abigail’s boyfriend, a smug smile on his face.

“But, HYDRA was successful in recreating the serum. I mean, Barnes is a super soldier. He is the Winter Soldier, that’s his whole bag.”

“Yeah, he’s got the silver metal arm and everything.” Abigail agreed with Johnny, tilting her head to the side as if she caught the two of you in a mistake. Penelope turned to you, her brows raised high.

“Gosh, you know, are they right, Y/N? Barnes does have that silver arm and everything.”

“I don’t think it’s silver. I don’t think it’s the arm that HYDRA made.” You put your hand to your forehead, scratching your hairline. “Maybe we should just ask?”

“Here, let's take a class poll. Who thinks Bucky Barnes still has the silver metal arm that HYDRA made?” More than half of the class raised their hands at Penelope’s questions, making you shrug your shoulders.

“Alright, let me look it up, I guess? Wait, we can just ask, duh.”

“Oh doy! Why didn’t I think of that?” Penelope laughed, pushing your shoulder with her palm.

“Buck, is your arm still the one from HYDRA?”

“Nope, it’s vibranium from Wakanda.” The class jumped, turning to the back of the room as Bucky flipped the lights on. He passed Johnny, removing his glove as he stalked up to the front of the classroom.

“Everyone, I’d like to introduce you to Sergeant Barnes.” Bucky stopped in front of you and Penelope, giving both of you a two armed hug. When he turned back around, your peers were staring with dropped jaws. Bucky dropped his chin, meeting the gaze of every student in the classroom.

“Um, girls?” Mrs. Julie stood from her chair, wearily approaching the three of you. “How did-- why is-- How the hell did you get in contact with an Avenger?”

“Y/N’s at the compound all the time, so they just asked nicely.” Bucky answer for you, making you smile wide at Mrs. Julie. He turned back to the desks, clapping his hands together. “Any questions?”

***

@bo-mitski @winter-soldier-sebstan @russosprettydiamondnow @h-a-j-i-m-e-ru @queenofthepouges @67-angelofthelordme-67 @hallecarey1

[lunarsands]

Callback to this post after finishing my rewatch of Sausage’s S1 and I have Many Thoughts.

(Edit: added point #5 because I forgot something!)

1. Never mind the last portal to light, what if one of the ruined portals leads in from Sanctuary? Imagine S2 Sausage stumbles in and has no idea what is happening, and maybe at that time all of the various Bubbles have returned to their home realities? Maybe he explores the other lit portals in an attempt to get home (because maybe the one he came through is still ruined on that side?) BUT he finds each world in flames because the Evil King/Warlock!Sausage (see #3 for a theory) also came through and ransacked each one for any magic he could find? But some of it somehow starts to look familiar to S2 Sausage... (Side note: in each world a Bubbles leads him to the portals that go back to the Council space)

Readmore for a few S1 and S2 spoilers:

And if that final portal leads to Afterlife, then maybe it automatically takes him to where Angel!Sausage is sleeping, and then Pearl has to send S2 Sausage back to S2 Empires and he’s very confused as to why a version of himself is napping in a goddess’ house.

2. Theory that S2 Sausage using too much Sanctuary magic equates to S1 Sausage overusing reality hopping magic (never did get that castle interior, huh), which causes some of this tangled reality mess 

3. Backing up to the last episode of S1: What actually happened when Warlock!Sausage consumed the Xornoth crystal?? That laughter did not sound like Sausage, so could this have been an alternate Xornoth, since the main timeline version of Xornoth died with Scott? And so:

Could we have an alternate Xornoth inhabiting the body of Warlock!Sausage who in turn could have some of Sausage’s reality hopping powers but hadn’t been able to unlock them, but this Xornoth can, and this is The Evil King in S2? And with some of Warlock!Sausage still in there, he’s greedy for magic power and set on hunting down this guy who resembles the S1 Sausage he once knew (and could actually be that Sausage).

3a. We also have this statement from Sausage in ep 46:  "I can literally control space and time, go to alternate realities, and warp dimensional beings together to form one thing."

Hey, uh...what was that last part? Excuse me?? O_o Alternate Xornoth gets access to that, too?

3b. The whole speech Warlock!Sausage gave in ep 45 has S2 Evil King vibes imo (wanting unlimited power, Mythland covered in ashes).

4. Speaking of that speech, uh, whoops, Cynthrey and I accidentally copied that “unable to die” part in our initial post full of S2 theories with S2 Sausage actually being an immortal S1 Sausage, and my little fic blurb that I’m still not sure what to follow up with. XD (we’ve been way off on the other theories so I’m not going to link it but I dunno, this one might still hold some water)

Now all we’re missing is Sausage actually meeting himself... Although, re: point 3a, what happens if all these disparate versions of Sausage get “warped” back into one again? Hmmmm...

5. EDIT: I FORGOT THIS QUOTE:   "Actually, I'm trying to do another road connecting multiple realities together through like an interstellar highway but that's coming up later on. I just need a magical staff for that one."

If the Staff of Mythland shows up in S2 I STG.

[i-lovethatforme]

2021 Fic Year in Review

Thank you for tagging me, @friendofspidermannedleeds 💖💖💖

Number of completed works:

41 complete on ao3

31 (ish) for spooky season on tumblr

19 (ish) for snowy season on tumblr

Total word count:

536,831 on ao3

72,143 on tumblr when I shut up?????????

Fandoms written in:

Purely MCU Spidey!

Did you write more, less, or about what you’d expected?

More! I’m always surprised by how much I write for things (dni!!! wake or jill atp)

What’s your own favourite story of the year?

Mmmmmm. MMMMMMMMM. I love literally most of the things I’ve written but I do have a few fave faves and that’s fine because I’m going to put them all here anyway.

i won’t say i’m in love:

CSL AU and Peter and MJ are in love within seconds and there’s like half a sprinkle of angst TY TO ME.

the monsters creep into your house

this is a fic I thought about for ages but was like... IDK but then weeee

no way home series

 because they helped my heart after canon broke it

for you, i would:

I just love it and idk why

Did you take any writing risks this year?

Sure! Mainly writing exactly what I wanted. Also threesomes. Hell. Prompts were scary as well because I never know if I’m going to let someone down with what I create when they trusted me with their big brained ideas!

Do you have any fanfic or profic goals for the new year?

Nope! Just writing what I like when I like :) for a while I was like jess stop writing peter head over heels for mj even when he hates her and now I'm like BUT I LIKE IT.

Most popular story of the year?

Kudos: i won’t say i’m in love

Comments: the monsters creep into your house (m/c) and what in carnation (o/s)

Hits: i saw mummy kissing spider-man w machi! (machi brings the fans)

Story of mine most under-appreciated by the universe, in my opinion:

shrek! y’all are missing out i stg and when i finish it for jill and i’s anni you will all see!!!!!

Most fun story to write:

twilight w @coykoii. easily! like we had such a shitty few months in the fandom and twi was so much fun. like absolutely feral in the planning stage and then both writing like we couldn’t stop and then running to the doc to show each other. still one of my fave fics. 

i also love writing fics w people in mind! so birthday’s or just because i think they’ll like them! so any gift fics are so fun.

love is not a victory march is my fave wip to write 

Biggest disappointment:

it’s 2022 now so I left everything behind so idk man! having a great time now.

Biggest surprise:

collabs! i didn’t think they would happen at all but they’re the most fun and you only have to do half the writing ty!

jill - we have a series because of course we do

the planning is insane, the works are carnage and we love every single one of them because peter remains a prick!

machi - i saw mummy kissing spider-man/ hustlers au/ CSL standing smut & art

there’s no one in the fandom i feel less awkward writing and talking about smutty stuff with - like lemme just write a sentence that makes me wanna crawl behind my hands and machi is like yeah!!! 

which - turn your heart back to me

we dragged each other through this and good for us?! and diner au when i’m serious when we get a grip!

Tagging: (if you want!)

@coykoii, @machiavelien, @which-star, @awakening5, @justmattycakes, @spicysagittarius

[danwylds]

Right okay I never actually got myself to write this fic so have my notes for the fic except I haven’t read through them since June when I wrote them and I refuse to edit anything

Right is bakery au but not

Neil either turned down the offer of exy for the foxes or for coach whatever the fuck his name was

He got caught earlier tho which is . Unfortunate

Stuart still comes in

Maybe I’ll have him move back to Britain for a while? To avoid the moriyamas n stuff

He NEVER misses a match of the ravens/foxes tho

Which leads to him seeing the frankly sickening interview of Kevin and riko

Neil is like yo Stuart let me start smth

Stuart is like Neil the only reason you’d go back to the states right now is if you did smth that you could hide and you can’t do that for shit

So Neil is like yk what I’m gonna find a way bc I’m not letting this kid go through this (Andrews quite into this idea when it’s shared)

So he says yo. Stuart. Uncle. Sir. Let me open a bakery or something in the states

Stuart is like no you fucking idiot

And Neil is like but c o n s i d e r

You can get info or smth

Just have another business in the states yk

AND I’d get out of your hair

And Stuart is like hm okay but you’ve gotta live in a complex I choose for you

And Neil is all only if I can choose where it’s gonna be

It’s a deal

He (very obviously) chooses a place near palmetto

Stuart is tired but is like he’ll be under protection n shit so I guess??? And he’s not stupid enough to start something right. Right.

Wrong.

Anyways.

It’s a bakery that starts out kinda slow

But Neil finds he likes baking and Stuart pays for his nephew to have some sort of normal life so it doesn’t matter too much

Renee starts to frequent it

At first it’s to pick up sweets for Andrew

But eventually she starts bringing Allison on dates there bc they have a cute little seating area (figure where Seth fits in? I think he’ll survive?)

Uhhh what’s a timeline

I think this’ll be around the winter holidays (Jewish neil? Look into it)

So thanksgiving will have happened . I think Andrew agreed to go Not bc he particularly wanted to but bc he cares for Nicky and knows he’ll probably go anyways

Yeah so thanksgiving. h

Andrew JUST got off his drugs and he’s so damn protective of his own that he hardly even leaves their sides

Edens is a def no for em

Meanwhile Neil is tentative friends w Renee who has brought all the upperclassmen there a few times

Allison bullies him for his clothing but it’s okay he deserves it

Renee is sweet and stops em from doing anything too drastic which Neil appreciates

Matt,, my baby,, he’s so happy he just asks Neil about random stuff

Dan is sweet too!!

Seth kinda hates him but Neil hasn’t paid enough attention to return the favor

One day close to the winter banquet the upperclassmen are like yeah Neil we’re gonna go to this thing and it should be really fun!! Oh you know what? Our teammate Nicky needs a date and his cousin doesn’t really like anyone from his class and he’s super fucking crazy abt it so if that doesn’t deter you then you should totally join !

Neil is like oh chance to fuck up Riko? Absolutely I’ll go

ALLISON DRESSES HIM

HE LOOKS SO GOOD

when he and Allison emerge from the girls room Aaron is like Who is that

And Allison is “oh nickys date (:”

Andrew gets twitchy and holds a knife to her throat

Renee is like Andrew I stg get away from my gf and Seth is like manic pixie nightmare fuel I’m gonna beat the shit outta you

And Neil is just like same shit every day I guess

And he’s like so you’re Nicky then? COMPLETELY IGNORING YK. ALL THAT

Andrew is like “he is. Don’t touch him”

And Neil straight up says I don’t think you get to set boundaries for people, actually

And Neil has no idea what the effect is of that on Andrew but it’s enough to make him glare

Which is terrifying to everyone but Neil bc again. Dumbass

Anyways Neil very purposely hooks his arm through nickys and they head off to the bus

Dunno what happens there but I’ll figure it out

RIKOOO ROASTTT **AIRHORNNNNSSS**

It’s glorious

Kevin and riko are like who the FUCK are you

And Neil is all wouldn’t you like to know weather boy

They relocate and they’re all like . Ah. That’s why you and Renee get along

It’s kinda funny ngl

Andrew doesn’t think so but fuck him

I think that they head back to the bus when this shit I’d over and wymack is like excuse me what the fuck

And Aaron in german is like thank god he never joined the team bc I could not handle more of that

And Neil in German is like would you believe me I’d I told you I was almost signed

And Andrew is like I fucking Knew it I hate it here

N e ways things go back to normal for the most part

The upperclassmen still show up

Seth has a bit of grudging respect for him

It’s later that all the foxes are getting drunk from a lose that Renee calls him and is like Neil please can I usher them inside for a bit I think they need a place to chill so we don’t get yelled at for being too loud in the dorms

And Neil is like uhh sure why not

It turns out it was not just the upperclassmen

He gives them all water bottles and whatever and lets them lounge around

Gives em some food which they pay for w the coachs card

Uhhh idk time passes and some of the foxes pass out so neil is like y’all can chill in the break room? They have couches

He stays out there bc the bakery is still open

Andrew comes out like hey fuck you but also can I get more of those pastries

Idk I want them to be in love already

Uhh yeah I think they don’t say anything until

“what happened to your face”

“A truth for a truth?”

“If you must insist”

“Fine, my father tried to kill me”

Andrew raises his eyebrow but neils like bitch you said a truth for a truth it’s your turn now

Neil asks him why he wears arm bands

We get the whole knives and scars

They’re quiet again

I don’t know man let them be in love

Uhhh okay

I think Andrew will tell neil like

“[code]”

“Huh”

“That’s the code for the court, Kevin practices at night.”

Neil is like how would you know I’d enjoy playing exy? And andrew is like dipshit that’s how we met

I’m running out of ideas oh no

Maybe they play a couple of night game things

Exchange a few more truths

OHHH OKAY COOL SO THEN NEIL CAN GO TO EDENS W THEM THE WHOLE “DOESNT MEAN I WOULDNT BLOW YOU” THING CAN STILL HAPPEN

sick okay! They start dating but since Baltimore happened earlier they never actually come out to the rest of the team

I like to think when they play against the ravens again neils like haha babe you can have as many sweets as you want if you shut down the goal

Also Neil says it’s hot which is like a big thing to persuade Andrew but shhhhh

Yeah the foxes win they celebrate by getting drunk and they all show up at neils like hello again (:

Same thing happens but this time andrew and Neil are together and basically are doing nothing but making out

At least the store is closed

Nicky comes out and just YELLS

YALLLLLL COME LOOK @ THIS SHIT

Allison wins SO much money

Yeah idk how to end this but happily ever after :3

If you want me to turn this into a fic I will!

[mego42]

Shamelessly stealing @foxmagpie​’s monthly rec thing without the ability to get my life together to do these on a monthly basis so, seasonal recs! So excited to see if I manage to do this again with anything remotely resembling consistency but i’ve been keeping the notes for approximately 43 years (or since ~september, whatever that means) so by god i’m gonna use them. 

found my thrill - s_t_c_s / @sothischickshe​

Turner POV!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

guys turner is SO OBSESSED with Beth and Rio

both canonically and in this fic

it’s gr9

also features a weirdly soothing and relatable cord untangling moment as a metaphor

truly disturbingly relatable turner pov tbh

relentless boomer disdain, always a plus

led to the creation of this monstrosity, not sure what kind of a monster would do that

War In My Mind - mintletters16

Backread!!!!

post-213, gorgeous character study 

guaranteed to make you feEl stUfF

I really love the like, cyclical, fractured pattern of Beth’s internal monologue, it gives the whole thing a really affecting at times dreamy, at times haunted vibe

the end twist is *chef’s kiss*

mourning bells - Ejunkiet / @ejunkiet​

Backread!!!!

Later s2 era, Rio’s at a funeral, gets drunk and calls Beth

V short, kind of…..mmm, not sweet, but almost? Idk

It’s got a wistful sort of almost/i can be quiet with you vibe that i go extremely bonkers for

delinquents - foxmagpie / @foxmagpie​

Lol are any of you actually not reading this yet?

g o d ch 8 where do i start

First off how ABSOLUTELY VERY DARE for the tragic angst that is delinquents!beth boland. This poor baby, this precious bean. MUST PROTEC

SHE’S TRYING HER BEST AND I LOVE HER

zero percent deserves dean’s clammy hands, no i have not forgotten, tattooed on my brain, will never forgive

I also love love love love LOVE the ruby/stan subplot happening

(and ruby’s mom!!!!!) (seriously though you write the best moms)

oh god and baby beth starting to have confusing feelings about rio?????? *chef’s kiss*

p sure i was just like, straight screaming the entire end of the chapter

the dugout is like, pure serotonin

I can’t even talk about the closet

tHe teNsiOn

thank you i will take eleventy billion

don't give it a hand, offer it a soul - medievalraven / @medievalraven

am a desperate heaux for any fic that features rio and mick friendship

you are all incredibly shocked i know

still would not be mad if this swerved into rio x mick fake dating but beth x rio is cool too i guess

Speaking of things i am a desperate heaux for: DIANE!!!!!!!!

and DATING ANNIE???????????? Blessed

honestly this fic is worth it purely for the assertion that mick watches queer eye

Why don't we go to Venus? - watermelonriddles / @bensonstablers​

another grief study! 

apparently i was working through some stuff in september, idk, that was like 4 years ago

considering it’s the premise of the fic, i don’t think it’s a spoiler to say this fic is canon divergent and working with the premise that rio killed beth in 302

he is uh, not coping well

extremely haunted you might say

lots of marcus and rhea which is a delight!

rhea is to good for him tbh

i said what i said

truly top notch dream (nightmare?) sequences

the conversation at the end is extremely uncalled for

drop the game - Ejunkiet / @ejunkiet​

Backread!!!!

Am going to die mad Beth and Rio didn’t hook up in 211 but luckily this fic scratched the itch 

(temporarily, it’s a fairly permanent itch)

Bonus rec: missing scene series i wanna do bad things to you featuring 2x02 and 2x04

Viva Voce - zetuslapetus / @querenaxx​

Whoops we woke up married Vegas shenanigans!! 

So cute!!!!! So sexy!!!!! 

What more do you want?

am desperately obsessed with how beth can’t help stalking rio

feels right, feels organic

this makes me feel a lot of stuff about how they could be without their canon garbage between them

🎶 we could’ve had it aaaaaaaaaaall 🎶

you showed me colors (i can't see them with anyone else) - gild_fire / @gild-and-fire​

really into the use of color to illustrate beth’s emotional state, i feel like there’s a word for that but idk what it is

UNIMPORTANT

really nice job capturing beth’s inner vulnerability balanced by her outer stubbornness

am DESPERATELY into Mick playing matchmaker

more please???????

Both Sides of the Law - JoeyLee / @joeyjoeylee​

LAW SCHOOL AU! I suuuuuuper love Beth and Rio here (alt pov!! a gift!!!!) I love how initially prickly they are, I love how it’s evolving into a grudging respect, I love how INCREDIBLY AND HILARIOUSLY OBSESSED WITH EACH OTHER THEY ARE and neither one of them seems to see it

listen I know we’re all already foaming at the mouth over this one but as it’s gonna go down as one of my all time favorites it bears repeating/rereccing

cannot stress enough how masterful the use of POV is here, both voices feel completely true and distinct and I love how the alternating chapters revisit, reveal and emphasize pieces of each other

i can’t talk about this fic without hyperventilating

I LOVE IT SO MUCH YOU GUYS

the slow burn is going to ACTUALLY KILL ME

rip, no regrats

Earned It - wakeupflawless / @wakeupflawless​

spanking

that’s it that’s the pitch

H O T

living for beth’s exit in the first chapter, rio and i are both incredibly into it

second chapter also features violently possessive Rio who cannot deal with anyone messing with his girl so if that’s your thing boy howdy get on it

shake, baby, shake - openhearts

backread!!!!!

according to my bookmarks this was a reread but ???????

must’ve read it in the fugue state that followed reading for a moment we were strangers which is gr9 and I believe I have recced it before. If not, horrible oversight, reccing it now

beth and Rio POV lead up to the bathroom break, beautifully done, low-key feel bad reccing it bc the end point of both chapters makes me want to throw things but it’s super worth it for the tEnsiOn. ENJOY

What the Sea Wants, the Sea Will Have - flashindie / @pynkhues​

I’m assuming all of y’all are already reading this

If not OH MY GOD FIX YOUR LIVES

P I R A T E  A U

I’m sorry maybe you didn’t hear me piRaTE aU

meticulously researched, brain-meltingly vibrant, already painfully sexy slow-burning PIRATE AU

god where to start okay so first off, the world-building here straight up breaks my brain, sophie’s put in the work and it SHOWS

second, the atmosphere. i’m generally a pretty like, vague mental picture sort of reader but the sensory detail here grabs you by the throat and like, forcibly hauls you in whether your brain’s wired that way or no

and hey speaking of throats if you, like me, go a little funny about the knees at the idea of beth holding a knife to rio’s throat (he’s fine, calm down), there’s a v excellent beth-in-a-barrel moment for you

oh christ and the sexy tension

it’s gonna be a race to see which slow burn takes me out first, this or law school

Stunner - foxmagpie / @foxmagpie​

Another high school AU, this time with baby Rio absolutely head over heels for his older sister’s bff

stunner!Rio has an emotional earnestness about him that I feel like delinquents!Rio has already outgrown and it’s so SWEET I can’t get enough

Desperately cute!!!!!!

alL he waNts iS foR beTh tO bE hiS girL

also unreasonably angsty???????

ANN ARBOR IS NOT THAT FAR MEGAN

A Heart's A Heavy Burden - tooshyforthis / @bathroombreaks​

Howl’s Moving Castle AU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I love Howl’s!!!!!!!!!!!

perfect opp to roast Rio for being a Dramatique Heaux 

and it’s gonna be 9 chapters?????? H Y P E

author’s note boldly presumes I did not know I needed this AU when the reality is I did in fact know I needed this AU, I just wasn’t expecting anyone to deliver

so blessed

author also claims to not be team nose stud and yet it features prominently in all its magnificent glory

what is the truth dot gif

A Bit of a Stretch - septiembre / @septiembur​

SO????? CUTE?????????

would be on this list for Rio calling Beth E alone tbh

really really really really really love this Rio POV of being settled into a relationship with Beth

It manages to be sweetly domestic af while still holding the edge that makes brio brio which is a neat trick

@septiembur may be a witch

beth’s approach to getting rio to do yoga with her is hilarious and exactly right, canon-typical amounts of subtlety 

1000000/10

Post Break-Up Sex - femalegothic / @bethsuglywigs​

stg this was called Hit Shuffle

no matter

h O T

with a side of damn i’ve made some questionable choices in my life haven’t i introspection

(no regrats tho)

(esp not with this fic)

not the point of the fic by a long shot but i’m also extremely obsessed with Weed Eddie, so real

She drains my soul... she drains it not - niham87 / @niham87​

ABSOLUTELY OBSESSED WITH THIS CONCEPT

am a complete sucker for paranormal world building that satirizes bureaucracy 

Is that a trope? If so that’s my favorite

I did it. I’m picking a single favorite. You know what that is growth dot gif

ANYWAY i love the concept, i love the humor, i love beth instantly clicking with annie

I love her and mick’s sort of grudging professional courtesy

Love beth as a champion of environmental responsibility and all of the underworld being like …...okay??

cannot wait to see where this goes

Nine-Tenths - riosnecktattoo / @riosnecktattoo​

*INCOHERENT PTERODACTYL SCREECHING*

sometimes i think about rio putting beth’s hair in a ponytail and have to go lie down

science please explain why this rUinS mE

wait hold on i skipped ahead

HEY KIDS DO YOU LIKE UNBEARABLY CUTE DOMESTIC TENDERNESS

opens with rio sleepily holding beth’s hand to his heart so that’s the kind of thing you’ll be dealing with

uGH theY’RE sO CUTe

idk why precisely but rio adding hair ties to his bracelet collection is my undoing every time

Missed Call - foxmagpie / @foxmagpie​

Rio doesn’t come home from a job when he’s supposed to. Beth (and I!!!!!!!) slowly loses her mind

Truly a masterpiece of rising tension

Will literally never forgive her for calling this light angst

I was SO STRESSED OUT

The first person to point out there was an author’s note at the beginning I obvs didn’t read is getting blocked

crush - foxmagpie / @foxmagpie​

Listen even though this is centered around two OCs, they are OCs FROM a (n iconic) brio fic AND Beth, Ruby and Rio all make cameos (I mean, Rio’s pretty present since he lives in Mar’s mind rent free bc they are THE SWEETEST MOST ADORABLE BEST OF FRIENDS so idk if i’d call it a cameo but whatever)

and even if it didn’t feature any official GG characters I’d still rec is bc that’s mY SON AND this fic is TOO CUTE

I have so many feelings over mar and rio growing up and not knowing how to cope with girls becoming a Thing in their life and how it affects their friendship and mar feeling left behind but (SPOILERS) at the end of the story rio starts feeling that too and it’s so poignant knowing how that’s going to continue in delinquents

while mar may be my son, i also claim elena’s #1 stan status

before you’re like meg you’re only reccing it bc it’s a bday present ask yourselves do i really strike you as the kind of person that wouldn’t be equally obnoxious about this either way?

truly cannot fathom how hard i have fallen for these OCs i don’t normally do that

@foxmagpie is definitely a witch

The Ottoman - Niham87 / @niham87​

look i will be the first to admit that i don’t go near as bonkers over the ottoman line in 308 as y’all do

(don’t get me wrong, i love it!!! I love that he laughs and i love that she’s pleased it just doesn’t hit my lose my whole mind button like idk, the dubby or the 306 convo, idk why)

BUT i v v v much love the context this delightful Rio POV pwp gives it

am also absolutely feral for 209 missing scene fic

and anything that captures the complexity of Rio’s s3 feelings for Beth and how twisted they’ve become

so this scratches a bunch of itches, is what i’m trying to say

Bet On It - zetuslapetus / @querenaxx​

*INCOHERENT PTERODACTYL SCREECHING*

That’s what my brain does when I think about Beth and Rio meeting in ch 1

am DESPERATELY OBSESSED WITH the tension between the two of them in this fic

I love how it plays with the ways they have to rely on but don’t trust each other

plus FAKE DATING and BED SHARING (fair warning hasn’t happened yet but the set up is there)

originally supposed to be 2 chapters, already up to 4, prayer circle it goes on forever

do you like drugs (tonight) - s_t_c_s / @sothischickshe​

v important focus on hydration, other fic should take note

extremely about the use of cut to and then flashback to enhance the ‘we were on drugs’ vibe

speaking of, beth and rio absolutely would take ecstasy to prove they are fun bc they are the exact kind of idiots that would peer pressure themselves

so glad beth kept her purse, got a bit stressed there for a second, clutches in that kind of circumstance are A Risk

not that i would know

FLAWLESS USE OF VOICEMAIL TBH

really love the ongoing denial that they are remotely into each other while proceeding to demonstrate how they are in fact, extremely into each other, great vibe

rio dances

I know my brain broke too

mmmm bacon

Navigate A Broken Path - flashindie / @pynkhues​

*INCOHERENT PTERODACTYL SCREECHING*

I have a long standing tradition of getting unreasonably obsessed with side characters so i’m not like, entirely surprised by how obsessed i am with both Mick and Mary Pat but i never in a million years considered them as a ship

AND Y E T

they fit????? so perfectly?????? It’s amazing how she developes them individually enough that i look at them together and think ah yes this makes perfect sense for both characters

and they’re such an amazing foil to Beth and Rio? 

can ships have foils? do i know what a foil is? 

unimportant

GUYS you dON’T uNDERStAN d 

hell i don’t understand

how absolutely very dare you make me care about YET ANOTHER set of gg ‘verse children

do not read this fic if you have no interest in feelings you zero percent asked for

wHA t hAPPeNED iN aLASkA?????????

A Moment’s Silence - femalegothic / @bethsuglywigs​

*makes sign of the cross*

y’all are gonna make me rediscover religion

extremely appreciate the author’s note approach to backstory top notch prioritization

listen it’s basically 3k of beth deep throating rio idk what more you need me to say about it

it is…..good stuff

bless the kinkmeme or fest whatever we’re calling it

praise - civillove / @blainesebastian​

I mean you had me at “three times rio calls beth a good girl and one time he really means it”

ephemeral rio

I left that note for myself in here in the middle of the night and haven’t the foggiest what i was thinking but i stand by it none the less

okay okay i think i know what i meant, this fic (as do all of my fav civillove brio fics) has this sort of like, liminal, in the quiet moments feel to them that makes the moments and feelings somehow feel like i’m catching a glimpse of something secret and precious???

idk i just really like it okay

Heart and Soul - riosnecktattoo / @riosnecktattoo​

oh look more unbearably sweet domestic tenderness, this time to music

thank you ma’am for my life

rio remembers beth used to play piano and gets her one and revoltingly cute shenanigans result

also hilarity

and sexiness

this fic has it all, truly

shout out to mick who sees no reason to keep rio’s feelings to himself

good girls tumblr fic - prettylittlementirosa / @hypermania​​

cheating and reccing a whole series

It’s my list and i can do what i wanna

stop crying about it, it’s four fics and they’re all AMAZING absolutely impossible to pick a fav

truly flawless characterization, next level ability to capture evocative mood, cannot get enough

three’s a crowd: who knew ballroom dancing while dean watches and grinds his teeth could be so sexy 

(trick question everything about that premise sounds A++++ and boy howdy does it live up)

feel it on the way home: rio tries to break up with beth, it goes about as well as you’d expect

(thE angSty tenSioN)

i want to play the game: [from the floor] i’m still not ready to talk about it

(rio/turner, missing scene, 10000000% a taste of what went down in that hotel room)

june after dark: pitch perfect annie pov, really really love the take that Annie is the baby whisperer, can’t fully explain why but it feels incredibly right

(ANNIE X NANCY COULD WORK SO WELL YOU GUYS)

[charmspoint]

As much as I praised Talentless Nana and it’s handling of Nana, trauma she’s recovering from and the redemption she’s undertaking, I do have some problems of how it handles it’s other important character, this funky boy right here.

Lots of ranting and spoilers under the cut.

Now I do like Kyouya a lot. I think he’s a perfect blend of straightlaced serious and fun and quirky. One of his core motivations being making friends, where all of his attempts are at the same time so terribly awkward and so touchingly sincere, makes him potentially a very interesting and relatable character to have on board.

I say potentially because Kyouya himself is very underutilized both in the show and in the manga. I made a meme about it before, remember that. Most of my love for the characters comes from discussing the show with my brother and developing him in my fic, not from the actual story itself.

At first I assumed Kyouya is supposed to be a deuteragonist, an equal to Nana, mostly because of how much he and Nana were and are compared to L and Light (I might talk about that later but for now: It’s a hard comparison to call because ye I can see why but Talentless Nana is more about the characters while Death Note is more about the conflict so it’s mind games aren’t really comparable at all, Nana and Kyouya are more interesting and loveable than L and Light combined, Misa is the best character in Death Note.) But rn I can’t help but feel that Kyouya isn’t so much a deuteragonist as just an overly emphasized extra, maybe a relic from when the author did intend to make Talentless Nana more about the conflict before switching it over to more of a character driven story. Either way at this point I feel like Michiru, catboy Jin and Moe all have more development and backstory than Kyouya and Moe wasn’t even introduced in the anime. When you add to that Mr. bet you thought you’d seen the last of me, it kind of gets ridiculous.

Like there’ve been multiple times in the manga when Kyouya would show up and I’d have this moment where I just remembered ‘oh this guy is here too, he’s a character’, like I’d literally just forget he was in the story because he wouldn’t be there for the longest time and then would randomly show up when it was time to solve a murder. Like the author just remembered ‘oh yeah I’m supposed to use this guy too’.

And it’s really a shame because Kyouya has so much potential and it’s just never explored. Like his whole motivation to find friends? He does! And it’s just sorta…brushed off. Like when he introduced Fuuko to Nana as his friend, with Nana remarking she already met Fuuko here:

Like you can tell he is genuinely super excited to finally have a friend and with a good reason. Despite being technically on the side of good, through most of the story Kyouya is a lot less popular than Nana with their classmates, sometimes even suffering ostracization because they are starting to see him as a conspiracy theorist that ruins all the fun. While they respect him for his intellect they are quick to turn on him and his own awkward and blunt nature doesn’t help here at all. Nana said it herself when talking to Yuuka:

Nana presents herself as a sweet, caring, extroverted girl. She acts cute and clumsy in social situations but is trusted enough to be deemed Leader and her classmates genuinely believe that she is working herself to the bone to protect them. She is also heavily endorsed by Michiru who is the living definition of a cinnamon roll, too good for this world, too pure. On the opposite end, Kyouya is very stoic, sometimes even scary looking, He gives of an unfriendly air as soon as he arrives, he’s socially awkward, he doesn’t know how to talk to or connect with people, he can be too blunt and insensitive and he seems to have a habit of picking on the most popular girl in school, calling her out for horrible murders. And he seems to be always be proven wrong which cements him as someone overly suspicious, as someone who just has a bone to pick with Nana. As someone unlikable.

So when Kyouya, who’s been rejected by the majority for most of the story despite his best efforts to help, protect and befriend them, FINALLY gets a friend, finally gets someone who fully believes in him and tells him she will follow where he leads, someone who is willing to go through his stoic front because she truly believes he has the right answers and he’s doing the right thing…you’d think that would be given a bit more weight. You’d think we’d see some changes in Kyouya, a bit more focus on him, a story unfold. We don’t, not really. We see Fuuko following him around and helping him and they even get a solo scene together where Kyouya says he will tell her the weakness of his talent but then it…cuts off. Like ooo must preserve the mystery, forget about the fact that we’ve known this character for almost 40 chapters and we are long overdue any new information about him. A good way to develop him is dropped right in our laps but nothing happens with it aside from Kyouya being overexcited to call Fuuko his friend whenever he can, which is admittedly very cute.

That’s not even the worst arc that’s been left dangling for him, remember his missing sister? You know, his biggest motivation to come to the island in the first place? I honestly wouldn’t blame you if you forgot, because that plot is still stuck basically in the same place where it was introduced in like ch 2 or 3 (out of 56 mind you). Like he doesn’t go anywhere with that, at all, we don’t even see him looking for her. When they burn all those bodies Nana thinks about how he might have missed his shot because his sister might have been amongst them, but that’s never confirmed or denied. My absolutely favorite set of panels on that is this one where Kyouya looks like he himself genuinely forgot he had a sister to look for.

Only to immediately be interrupted by some shenanigans. This hint at conflict doesn’t even come to be, like later Kyouya is packing up completely normal and he leaves the island completely normal without any seen resistance or last ditch attempt to look for his sister. It’s like he simply just forgot she existed again. Like at least his wish to make friends is brought up often, I stg Nana mentions his sister more times than he does.

Again, his primary reason for even being involved in this plot, is not given any sort of development or even focus. 

And like when I talk about this I usually say smtng like; Well he and Nana are slowly getting closer and are starting to look like they will form a team so maybe then he will get development. But goddamn Nanao got more development and even a flashback, completely outside of Nana’s knowledge or influence, and he’s been presumed dead since ch 1.

Not to mention that the lack of Kyouya doing much of anything aside from what he’s strictly needed for leaves his and Nana’s relationship very lacking to say the least. Like I get the idea, they are supposed to start out as enemies and eventually grow closer and team up to defeat the real bad guy and that’s a perfectly solid idea, I love these two, I love how they bounce off each other. It sure would be even better if they, you know, actually got closer. Like we barely see them interact outside of immediate rivalry and while the times they work together to discover a killer that isn’t Nana are very welcome, they are also a far cry of what we should have gotten by now. We really get no sense of Nana starting to understand Kyouya better or him starting to understand her better. When he suggests a team up, it’s because that’s what comic book characters did, not because he came to understand her better as a person and grew a trust with her that made him want to start that partnership. And again it’s endearing that he mirrors his actions towards what he sees in a comic book but also…they REALLY needed that level of trust and connection they just never got.

 I really hope that this gets better, especially now that Nana is making moves to confess her crimes and is working side by side with Kyouya instead of against him. I really hope we get more on him , his backstory, his talent, his sister, I’d take his preferred idol at this point. But until that happens it’s really hard not to feel like so much about Kyouya has simply been wasted and neglected by the author.

[dehydratedpool]

hello again!! it’s the beginning of a new month, meaning a new fic rec post!! here are some fics that i read this month that are just... exquisite and deserve all the love and attention <3 

there aren’t as many as last time unfortunately, since i was quite busy this past month, but i promise next month won’t fall short! ((fics that i’ve reread this month are indicated with a **))

Foolishly Laying Our Hearts On The Table [11k] by runaway_train @runaway-train-works 

“You think Harry wants that?”

“Dunno. Maybe. Wanna make him happy.” Harry takes advantage of the red light he’s pulled up to turn and look properly at Louis’ face. He’s not even looking in Harry’s direction though, focused instead on something out of his side window, head drooped, mindlessly playing with the string of his hoodie between his fingers, lost in his own world somewhere. For some reason, it makes Harry’s spine straighten.

“Because he’s your best mate?” Harry questions carefully.

“He’s my boyfriend.”

He couldn’t have heard him right. “What?”

Louis releases a deep breath, still not turning around. Harry wonders who he thinks he’s talking to right now. “He’s so pretty. Want to kiss him all day long. And buy him a big house and give him presents and marry him.”

Or; The one where Harry is in love with his best friend Louis but doesn't think he stands a chance until some wisdom teeth and a rather unusual confession might just change his mind.

--> this is a new comfort fic for me tbh. i got rec’d this after louis tweeted about getting his wisdom teeth removed, and i’m so SO glad i decided to give it a read. it’s so precious and lovely and personally, i found it to be a quick read. it’s the kind of fic that makes me both warm and fuzzy inside but also highly upset that i’m single and will surely be alone forever

Just Let Me [14k] by HelloAmHere 

The party was going well. So well, Niall had already sworn undying love to one multi-tiered chocolate cake, two friendly corgi-poodle mixes, Zayn’s hair, and the entire population of Los Angeles. So well, Zayn had only laughed and ruffled Niall’s hair and not even twitched towards a cigarette. So well, nearly everyone had spilled far past the boundaries of the night’s original plans, extracting bottles of vodka from the cabinets and losing a lot of clothes. Harry had proclaimed that he was finally going to throw a small and very grownup dinner party and of course here they were three hours later, fifty people half-naked in the pool. Soon to be full-naked, if Louis had to guess. Everybody in LA loved a heated pool. Everybody loved Harry.

--> ok LISTEN. as some of you know, i just recently got into reading a/b/o fics and this one is definitely at the top of my fave a/b/o fics out there. it’s an interesting take on the trope, almost a bit more realistic in my opinion, and to quote the author’s note, “’what if a/b/o but less biological determinism?’”. i believe i found this one through a masterpost of “touch-deprivation fics”, so if that’s your thing, give this one a chance!

my ugly mouth kept running [4k] by theankletattoo @hadestyles

Another seed, another try except they know what caused the first wilt. They will be careful, they will be kind and together they will nurture it to life.

sometimes second chances are more important than the first.

--> rori, the author, never fails to disappoint when it comes to all of her works. i’ve said it once and i’ll say it again, she’s so incredibly fucking talented it’s unreal. her imagery is so vivid and real it leaves simultaneously everything and nothing to the imagination. as usual, h and l’s dynamic in this is an addicting portion to this fic that has you anticipating how their dynamic will shift and grow up until the end. if you’ve yet to read any of rori’s work, i suggest you add that to your to-do list for the month, and get a head start to her collection with this one!

**As Wicked As Anything Could Be [21k] by whoknows @crazyupsetter

It starts when Louis decides that he wants to lose his cherry and announces that he thinks the best way to do that is by going to a gay club. Naturally, Harry can’t let him go alone, so he tags along and spends the night rating guys with Louis until someone finally catches Louis’s eye.

Harry shoves him out to dance with the guy, and he can already tell that it’s going to be a quick and dirty hook up, so he’s not surprised that Louis and the guy disappear into the bathroom ten minutes later.

It is a surprise when Louis comes out not even two minutes later, pale and clammy, grabs Harry by the hand and drags him right out the door.

Somehow Harry comes to the decision that it would be a good idea for him to be in the room with Louis while Louis gets laid.

It’s a stupid fucking decision.

--> i discovered this fic a while ago on a whim and i have zero regrets. this is absolutely on my top ten fave fics list (that has yet to exist but perhaps i’ll post it one day). whoknows is a well known author within the fandom, so i’m sure i don’t have to say much about their immense talent, but SERIOUSLY, their plot progression, even their use of dialogue is wonderful in every way. as a writer, i envy them lmao. this fic takes me on a rollercoaster every time i read it, it’s yet another comfort fic of mine and never fails to disappoint every time i pick it up again. please, do yourselves a favor this april and read this.

Keeping The Flame Alive [19k] by whoknows @crazyupsetter 

Recording with One Direction never felt like this. There’s a couple reasons for that, Harry thinks. One is that they did most of their recording on the road, rushed and in busses and hotel rooms, never in one place long enough to really get an argument going. The other, larger and more important one, is that back then he had the sweetest, meanest little omega around to distract him from all of that frustration.

The first time around, when he’d been recording his debut solo album, it hit him pretty hard. He likes to think he’s better adjusted to it now, but frustration is warring under his skin nonetheless. He doesn’t want to be told what to do most of the time, and he especially doesn’t want to be told what to do when it comes to his music.

What he does want right now is that sweet, mean little omega right in front of him with his mouth on Harry’s cock. Unfortunately, the best he’s got is his own hand and a shared toilet. So. That’s really not going to work.

--> yes, for the first time in dehydratedpoolfics history of fic recs even tho i’ve only been doing this for a month i am rec’ing the same author twice, but seriously, how could i not??? this fic took me on a literal journey like... wtf. i have no words. seriously, i have none, i’m just that blown away, go read it for yourself .

**a trail of honey through it all [27k] by bruisedhoney @yvesaintlourent 

The boy in front of him, well really, the man in front of him, was like something out of a confusing wet dream. Built, tall, tan and muscular, his skin glistened with sweat after a long day of working outdoors with his hands. He was wearing a cut up old American football shirt, the bottom hem was torn and the sleeves were cut off to the point where the t-shirt was really just a loose tank top. The shorts he had on had clearly been full length jeans at one point, and were now just crudely cut off above the knee. His white socks were pulled up too high on his calves, and the brown work boots he had on were old as fuck, the leather peeling along the edges of the soles. Curly brown hair stuck out from the edges of his backwards snapback, and there was a smudge of grease wiped along his brow bone. The smattering of hair along his jaw proved that he hadn’t shaved in a week or two, the hair growing in thicker across his upper lip and around his chin. His sinfully bowed mouth was pink and plump, and Louis was suddenly hyper-focused on the way that he chewed at the toothpick stuck between his lips. He looked like he needed a shower. Louis wanted to lick him.

Or, the TPH fic we’ve all been waiting for.

--> okay look. i may or may not have a slight obsession with this fic. i reread it constantly, mostly for the iconic line, “are we fuckin’ or fightin’?”, because how can i not scream over that?? ((also patiently waiting for the sequel)) this is a literary masterpiece, one that defines an entire generation of this fandom i stg. but in all seriousness, hayley, the author, does such a wonderful job of giving the reader a vivid look into “nowhere, georgia”, and as a southern gal myself, i absolutely adore the itty bitty pieces of southern culture embedded into this, the tiny quirks that make this fic authentic. i could probably go on forever on why this fic is so iconic, but perhaps you should read it for yourself instead *wink* *wink*

SO. that’s all for this month!! if you read any of these, first of all, be sure to read the tags and author’s note (if any) before starting, AND please don’t forget to leave a quick kudos or comment, it means more than you may ever know <3

[pikapeppa]

Year-end Writer’s Round-Up: the 2020 edition

Tagged a million years ago by @mythicaitt​ and @lostinfantasies38​ - thanks friends! I have finally put aside a chunk of time for this, since I am a nerd who likes to get accurate calculations. 

I will preface this by saying it’s been an insane year, and I know many people’s creativity was sucked dry by, well, everything. I find my emotional escape/comfort in writing fic, so I just... I dunno, went nuts with writing this year. To that end, I’ll keep most of this post below a cut for those who don’t want to see my “stats”, but with an open invitation to participate for ANYONE who does want to share their writing achievements for the year, and a tag for those writers that I know for sure were active this year: @crackinglamb​ @barbex​ @solas-disapproves​ @elveny​ @alyssalenko​ @nug-juggler​ @musetta3​ @cartadwarfwithaheartofgold​ @iarollane​ @in-arlathan​ @charlatron​ @queen-kass-the-writer​ - NO PRESSURE TO PARTICIPATE OR TO READ THIS AT ALL, THOUGH.

Word count and smut count table (i.e. NERD ALERT):

(Here’s a masterlist of all my fic, if any of the fics in that list strike anyone’s fancy and they want to find and check ‘em out.)

There are a couple of things missing from this word count that I only posted on Tumblr, a couple of Solas/Nare drabbles and a piece of Orsino/Hawke smut, but I’m too lazy to track those down right now. And I have another unposted chapter of Inadvisable that’s about 10k words… ANYWAY, MOVING ON.

New things I tried this year:

I jumped headfirst into a few Dragon Age rarepairs this year! I’ve always loved rarepairs and have particularly enjoyed writing them for Horizon Zero Dawn in the past, so it was a pleasure to take on a few this year:

Felassan x Lavellan in The Love That Grows From Violence

Sten x Yara Mahariel in Fall Into The Tide

Samson x Roman Hawke for my soulmate @schoute​ - a ship that I never even saw coming and that hit me like a ton of bricks in the feels.

I also took the plunge into theorizing and sorting through Big Lore this year for Dragon Age — something I’ve avoided doing for years. I usually don’t like doing very deep dives because I’m a canon-compliant sort of girl, and the idea of getting attached to a theory that might end up being wrong makes me feel itchy. But when I started writing a Felassan-centered fic, I had no choice but to try and figure out the big lore since YA BARK-EATING BOYFRIEND KNOWS THINGS. I spent 10+ hours sorting through DA meta, both canon and fanon, to try and come up with something cohesive for that fic that feels as canon-compliant as possible, so that was definitely a cliff I didn’t mean to jump off of, LOL.

I also took a jump into writing a fic with three simultaneous and interconnected relationships in Inadvisable, my modern university AU with @elbenherzart​, which includes relationships for Solas, Abelas and Felassan. I was super excited but SCARED to do this: how to keep all three relationships interesting and exciting when the narrative keeps moving and flowing between the three relationships and the six characters who all know each other in different ways? Luckily, I had the wonderful Elbenherzart cheering me on and encouraging me with all the BEAUTIFUL ART she’s done for the fic, and I’ve been really enjoying it!

Fic I spent the most time on: 

Um, it’s probably a tie between two fics: The Love That Grows From Violence (Felassan x Lavellan) just because of that Big Lore deep dive, or Lovers In A Dangerous Time (Fenris the Inquisitor), which I finished earlier this year and took a long time just by virtue of the fic length and THE AMOUNT OF FEELINGS I HAVE FOR FENRIS AND RYNNE HAWKE.

Fic I spent the least time on: 

Wake Up, a quick oneshot featuring Varric and Solas, which I keysmashed in a couple of hours after the most recent DA4 trailer was released. 

Favourite thing I wrote:

Oh my god. Everything?? Writing is my escape and my pride and joy, so I love everything I write. All my rarepairs were absolute delights this year. Finishing Lovers In A Dangerous Time was bittersweet since I now kind of feel like I can’t write any further Fenris/Rynne until DA4 comes out. But Felassan has become my darling toward the end of this year and I’m thrilled to have brought a handful of wonderful readers down the Felassan rabbit hole with me. 

Favourite thing I read:

… I… have once again failed and read basically nothing this year. I started to read Pressure Point by 17734 on AO3 and really enjoyed it for a few chapters before I just… ran out of steam. Not because of the fic, because it genuinely was great —  the smut in the first chapter just about killed me, STG — but because I realized this year that, with very few exceptions, I don’t have enough emotional space to invest in fics with long intricate plots. I’m a fucking goblin who just likes to read smut, so I lose interest quickly if the fic isn’t strongly smut/romance-centered. 

TO THAT END, I do have a couple of smutfic recs:

Force of Nature, a Stenwarden oneshot by @minionripley: Maker save me, this was soOoOoO good and in-character for StennySten.

Provided It Tied You Down First by JadeLavellan on AO3: Solas and Trevelyan go to a Tevinter sex party for recon reasons. Oh my god, guys, IT’S SO GOOD.

Writing goals for next year:

Honestly? I’m not gonna make any. I’ll just go where the winds of inspiration take me, and where the winds of others’ whispered suggestions take me as well. 

To that end, I have to make a few shoutouts to people who have inspired me this year, either with their art or suggestions or encouragement (read: ENTHUSIASTIC SCREAMING): @schoute​ @elbenherzart​ @whatomen​, without whom a huge chunk of my fic this year would not exist; and @lethendralis-paints​​ @ashalle-art​ @slushrottweiler-blog​ who gifted me with beautiful fan art this year and made me want to weep. LOVE YOU GUYS SO MUCH. 

Wishing everyone a safe and happy new year filled with love, warmth, and most of all, with hope. If anyone else wants to join in and share their achivements, please do and tag me so I can see what you’ve been up to!

- Love from your friendly neighbourhood Pikapeppa xoxo

[thethirteenthcrow]

Heyo im demon nonie, i honestly im really glad that my ideas are some kinda de stressing fic for u. Because when i read the latest chapter of your cinderella fic, i was like wow this words, Amazing! Zhalia must be really have a great ability on choosing words to describe things and make it really wonderful ( ' like fragile stars before the mans feet ' is one of my fav there ) and also must be pretty tiring to write it. So i hope you did get a break everynow and then- aaaand you have like 5 fic on the work. Like take a break! Take care of yourself! I love you writing so much but i can wait. Sending you lots of love.

Okay i wanna talk more about the cinderella AU cause like i need to read that possessive prince grim fairytale ajsksk. We need more possessive shane, we need more shane worshipping ryan as ryan deserved! We need them good ol kisses everywhere on ryan body. Or just me idk.

For the demon fic, i think im done with all the writings. Damn its been awhile, i dont remember much of what i write ahskdk. I dont mind, you dont have to send me the thing i write. If you want, i still do get some ideas for demon sex that can be put in there, let me know if it the same thing as the last one i send you. Ahdkdk. If that is okay of course?

Thats all!

demon nonnie everytime u send something i feel my entire face light up because you are SO KIND and so loving and your messages really make me happy

and thank you so much for the compliments on my writing? i really don’t... think it’s special? but hearing these words from you means a lot to me. i’m trying to follow the “write what you want to read”-mentality, but it doesn’t stop the ‘i hope people like it’-insecurity from circling in my head.

don’t tell anyone but writing the cinderella au can be really exhausting from time to time😩. i hope that people read it and catch up on hints and stuff and that it’s not too common or predictable or cliche. (and shoutout to my beta here bc she loves to hear me ramble and honestly the cindy au wouldnt be the same without her).

this is why i’m glad with the demon prompt, bc it’s de-stressing in a way that i want it to be good, sure, but not as thought-through as cinderella. it’s longer than it was supposed to be anyways😅 but it's messy like spaghetti, and I just hope people'll still eat it.

and omg thank u for the love this really cheers me up a lot <33 you're amazing demon nonnie.

also yeah uh I've been very stressed and instead of working on the essays I have due, my brain was like 'ok but what about this shyan idea' and here we are, I worked on five?six? fics last week. someone send me help lmaaooo. I usually would've hit my writer's block by now, but instead I just keep! on! writing! since when do I have all this content in my fingertips Jesus.

------------------------------

OKAY AND RE:THE OG FAIRYTALE, here's a quote that made me feral (and come up with the au in the first place). context: it's the first night, and poor, poor cinderella got a dress from the hazel tree at her mother's grave, went to the festival and no one recognises her.

The prince approached her, took her by the hand, and danced with her. Furthermore, he would dance with no one else. He never let go of her hand, and whenever anyone else came and asked her to dance, he would say, "She is my dance partner."

but that's not where it ends! this is night two:

When Cinderella appeared at the festival in this dress, everyone was astonished at her beauty. The prince had waited until she came, then immediately took her by the hand, and danced only with her. When others came and asked her to dance with them, he said, "She is my dance partner."

and that's not where it ends! this is night three,

When she arrived at the festival in this dress, everyone was so astonished that they did not know what to say. The prince danced only with her, and whenever anyone else asked her to dance, he would say, "She is my dance partner."

like bro!! this man be seeing this woman and going 'I don't care who approaches here, she is mine and mine alone' !!! excuse me !!!

when I read this, I stg I whispered 'possessive' to the darkness of my bedroom and my brain was like: did you mean: Shane Madej? and now we're 30k in a cinderella au. and uh, regarding the marking? well, all I'll say for now (I haven't written this yet but I have it planned), Shane knows how to take care of his mysterious though beautiful stranger.

and lastly regarding the demon prompt, right now I think I've got a nice plan for summoning ii? my beta to whom I scream about everything, said "I love it so fucking much" and after reading the outline, "I... Am so horny" so I THINK that's good news. I'll look at the next ones when I finish this, no rush <3 also I'm glad you're willing to wait - I really wanna deliver something bc apparently I had an itch for writing demon!Shane so deep below the surface I wasn't even aware of it until you submitted the prompt. I'm eternally grateful!

whew! what along rant! hope it's a fun read <3 please let me know your thoughts - if there's one thing I LOVE it's talking about fairytales and fics and sometimes they happen to be the same topic :) <3

x Zhalia

[naralanis]

hey nara! first off, I absolutely adore your blog and your writing, Perhaps is on my comfort fics list that I pull out whenever I’m having a bad time. I also happen to be a fan of your pen instagram and I was wondering if you had any suggestions on some fountain pens for beginners? I recently bought a “Pilot MR Retro Pop” that I really enjoy but I think I’m ready to branch off a bit. Do you have any tips with practicing with fountain pens you’d be willing to share? As much as I try, my handwriting never looks as nice as I want it to with mine. No pressure to respond if not, just wanted to stop by and let you know how much I enjoy your content! Hope you have a pleasant rest of your day/night!

Oh goodness, you’re talking about fic AND fountain pens in the same ask? Stop, stop, I’m already married!

First off, thanks for reading; I’m so glad Perhaps is there for you when ya need it, it makes me really happy to hear. Seriously warms my heart!

As far as fountain pens go... ANON I HAVE SO MANY THINGS TO TALK ABOUT I AM SO SORRY THIS WILL BE SUCH A LONG RIDE so I’m going to put it under the cut sorry sorry sorry in this essay I will

Hooray for the Pilot MR (or Metro, here in the US), it’s an AMAZING little pen, and if you’re calling it the MR, chances are you got it with an international standard converter, you lucky, lucky duck. I’m happy you’re enjoying it, as far as beginner pens go, this one is an excellent choice.

When you say “branching out”, this can mean one of two things. It can mean you want to branch out to other brands but a similar price range, or that you’re ready for a ‘next level’ pen. I’ll try to cover both! (I’ll link some of these models to the Goulet Pens website, but feel free to look for them elsewhere--I just really like Goulet’s very thorough descriptions)

If you’re looking to explore other pen models in the MR’s price range, there’s a metric ton of  options! Sticking with Pilot, you can try the Explorer-- a completely different, more streamlined pen than the MR, but if you’re used to the nib on your pen, you have a better idea of what to expect with it. There’s also the Kakuno, which is cheaper, but very cute with its little smiley face nibs haha

Another Japanese pen you can try: the Platinum Plaisir. Aluminum body, but do remember that Platinum nibs generally give a little more feedback than Pilot’s, which are some of the smoothest Japanese-made nibs I’ve ever seen.

You can also try the Diplomat Magnum -- it’s a a great little pen, and I love mine. Keep in mind, it is very lightweight, especially compared to the MR’s metal body, but to me that makes it great for long writing sessions. The nib is completely different--it will write a little wider, a little wetter than the MR (and any other Japanese-made pen), but it’s slightly springy and awesome to write with. Plus, it has an ink window so you can keep track of your ink!

Other options in this price range: the Jinhao 8802 (Shell or Rosewood, and the most bang for your buck imo as far as cheap fountain pens go), the Jinhao x750 or x450 (these are heavier, but they look great!), the TWISBI GO (a teeny, amazing little pen with a spring-loaded piston filling mechanism), and a Kaweco Sport (another pocket-pen, German-made, so the nib will write a little wetter/wider generally) or the Perkeo.

Now, if you’d like to push your price range a little further (only a little! I promise not to break the bank!), you cannot go wrong with Lamy.I am a self-admitted Lamy fangirl, so I may be a little biased, buuuut... it is what it is, their pens are great, they’re easy to disassemble for cleaning (I go totally nuts over it and even disassemble the converters, which you absolutely don’t need to do), and their nibs are SO EASILY INTERCHANGEABLE!

You can pick up a Lamy Safari for fairly cheap nowadays (and ever cheaper look-alikes, which I will never endorse but also will not judge anyone for buying), and they come in so many colours (the O.G. 1980 colours were also just reissued!), they’re like my Pokemon because I want to catch ‘em all.

For a little more, you can get yourself a Lamy AL-Star--the same design of the Safari, but this time in aluminum, which makes it look super cool (but also prone to scratches if you’re the kind of person that puts your pen in your pocket with your keys... that’s... definitely not me...), so keep that in mind.

You can also pick yourself up a Lamy Logo, for a couple more bucks. A completely different design, but still great, particularly if you like slimmer pens.

The nibs on ALL the Lamy models (even the more expensive ones like the Studio or the Scala or even the Dialog) are interchangeable! Even the gold nib on the Dialog! The only exception is the Lamy 2000 (which is probably one of the best pens out there period, and certainly an amazing first-gold-nib pen).

The one thing that absolutely kills me about the cheaper Lamy pens is that, for the most part, none of them come with a converter--you have to buy it separately. Which is fine, it’s not super expensive, and it is widely available, but COME ON, LAMY, JUST GIMME.

If you’d like to try a cool-looking pen with a CRAZY ink capacity and a nifty piston-filling mechanism, look no further than the TWISBI ECO. I have one of these (green, obv), and I love it. Never tires me out, and I stg mine never. dries. out. I don’t know what witchcraft is involved, but it’s an amazing pen for long writing sessions.

Finally, if you’d like to try another Japanese-made pen that is a little more expensive than the Pilot MR or the Platinum Plaisir, there’s the Sailor Compass 1911. This is one of the cheapest Sailor pens I know of, and a good introduction to the brand. Keep in mind that, like Platinum, Sailor nibs will give more feedback than the Pilot you’re used to!

If you would like to push your budget even further, here are some options for fountain pens under $100 (I know, big jump, but it’s good to see what’s out there to you can compare!) from JetPens.

There are a million other brands out there that you can look at. Sheaffer makes great, very cheap and fun beginner pens (including a whole Star Wars Line! They’re adorable!). Hong Dian has a ton of pens that look sleek as hell (like the Forest Series) and they’re all like under 20 bucks. Kaco is another one that makes surprisingly good pens! Parker is also an option, with the Jotter, which is a classic-looking pen. There’s Conklin and Monteverde (which have a ton of fountain pens in a wide range of prices, but I’ve had bad luck with their nibs, so I would suggest you do some independent research on those!), as well as Noodler’s if you’d like to go crazy with some flex nibs! The fountain pen rabbit hole is bottomless. Welcome :D

As far as handwriting goes, I’m afraid I don’t have much more to say besides practice, practice, practice. I learned cursive as a child, but never got into calligraphy, really. Even today, I only just dabble, but whenever I see something I like, I usually just like to try and replicate it. Very often I’ll see a video on Instagram and go Oh my god, how the hell did they write that G, I’ve got to try that and then what follows is me going through page after page on a Rhodia pad trying to imitate them. I like janinescribbles and aidanbernal on Instagram, they’re like handwriting goals--check them out!

A lot of the time, we’re looking for more line variation to make our handwriting look prettier--that’s usually what you see in that fancy, old-timey Spencerian cursive, or even copperplate calligraphy. Unfortunately, you won’t get that with just a regular fountain pen, but there is good news!

There are a TON of different nibs out there. Stub nibs, fude nibs, flex nibs, obliques, cursive italic -- you can even get your pen ground by a professional nibmeister to fit your specifications. There are calligraphy pens (like the Lamy Joy) or pen sets (Kaweco has a Perkeo Calligraphy set, and I believe Sailor has one of their own as well). You can even check out the Pilot Parallel set -- the whole thing is like the price of a Lamy AL-Star, you just won’t do regular writing with it; it’s pretty specifically a calligraphy/lettering set. There are even flex pens in the market (though none of them are as flexy as those old, vintage gold nibs) like the Noodler’s Nib Creaper, Ahab, and Triple Tail or the Conklins with their Omniflex nib (which has been problematic in the past, but I’ve heard good things recently). It’s a whole other rabbit hole!

But honestly, don’t sweat the handwriting too much. Just write a few lines every day, try new things, and get lost for eternity on some Instagram tags!

I think this is a long enough post as it is, so I’ll stop there! SORRY. HOPE IT HELPS!

[revasserium]

hello! asking for writing advice here, personally i love the idea of writing but whenever i sit down to write everything i was planning in my head just *poof* and i end up writing garbage. how do you plan out your stories in such a way that everything that you are thinking, the ideas that you are planning, get on the paper? I know it’s a weird question, and sorry if it doesn’t really make sense. hope u are safe and healthy rn :D

anon asked: Quick question whenever you write do you usually write it down on paper or go ahead and type it???? or like do you jot down the ideas and then make it-- Sorry for the inconvenience it's just that i'm having a hard time writing since im a very unorganised person with no sense of order so do you have any kind of like advice to this???

this is u__u one of those questions that i honestly don’t really have an answer for haha like. this is gonna sound super freaking terrible, but -- i legit. do not plan anything. u_____u;;;;;; 

i KNOW i know. it’s like the most unhelpful thing. but it’s the god-honest truth. i am. very bad. at planning things. like so very bad. if i sit down to plan a fic, it will never, and i mean never happen the way i want it to happen. so i just kinda. let the fic happen. here is my writing process: 

scroll through the requests i have until something catches my eye 

and when something catches my eye, it means that something clicks in my brain like a first sentence or an image pops into my head 

and i just sit down and write that out. and everything after just kinda happens. 

i suppose when i am writing it, there will be bits and pieces that come to me that’s like ahead of what i’m writing. for me, it kinda feels like driving in a heavy fog, where you can kinda only see a couple of feet ahead of you? and sometimes, the fog gets thinner, and you’ll see a bit more but then it’ll grow again, and like you’ll kinda know what’s coming, but you won’t know the whole picture. that’s why so often, i write in little vignettes or fragments, bc it’s legit how i see the story playing out in my head. 

the way i like to think of it that doesn’t stress me out so much is this -- every single story that anyone’s ever told, ever planned to tell, ever even remotely thought of is already out there, somewhere in the ether. just like. floating in this vast hammerspace of stories. and when something catches my eye, it’s the story reaching out to me, as the conduit, and i just kinda have to keep the door open far enough and long enough for the story to come through me and onto the metaphorical paper. 

this way, the creative pressure is never on you, the writer. because half the time, i stg idk where these ideas come from. they just. appear. and for me, this is the way im choosing to deal with the so-called creative process which has been the bane of so many writer’s/creator’s existences. if all the ideas are already out there, if all the stories are already out there, somewhere, then all you have to do is focus on the telling, to the best of your ability. 

so, don’t stress. let the stories come to you. they’re like cats -- the more you try to get close to them, the more they run away. but if you just sit and let them come, then they’ll come to you u__u <3 

[dulharpa]

this is for hayley! @whistlingwillows a dear friend <3333

it’s meant to be a birthday present haha. i just want to shower you in love;;; so thought maybe i could go through as many of your fics and comment on them :^)))

(TO EVERYONE ELSE: please go to @whistlingwillows blog and read her fics!!! they are SO FCKIN GOOD AND AMAZING AND UGH HER MIND (it’s a lot of mcu and her bucky and steve fics are a*. i DEFINITELY RECOMMEND))

i wish you a VERY happy birthday and i hope we stay friends for many more years <3333333333 

i’m going through your masterlist heehee ;)))

ah first off, nice theme! i never could rlly see it before because i’m always on mobile heehee. also sorry for not reviewing them before??? i don’t usually read fics on tumblr as you’ve probably guessed;;

anyways, IM GON REVIEW THE SHIT OUT OF THESE >:DDDD

far from home -  bucky x stark sister!reader

firstly, i like how youre introducing the reader from buckys pov, like you can sort of already gather what shes like from them

‘Bucky can hear Tony’s soft inhale, feel the intensity of the man’s glare directed at Steve. He shouldn’t be eavesdropping, but a twitch of muscle would be enough to alert both men that he’s here. With the amount of tension crackling in the air, a brush against the wall would be equivalent to a thousand cymbals crashing in cacophony.’

IM CRYING ALREADY. the imagery in here is GLORIOUS. your tone here is so fitting! oo and the alliteration here is perfecto

ooooooo!! the backstory coming in  👀👀

‘despite what some people think that Steve and Captain America are two different personas, there will always be parts of Steve in the Avenger, and parts of the Avenger in Steve. They both want to believe in something good. They are, after all, one in the same.// Just as how Bucky and the Winter Soldier are the same man despite everything. HYDRA simply amplified the hate, fertilized the seeds of rage, curated the quiet thunder within his soul, within James Buchanan Barnes so that the Winter Soldier could thrive.’

yIKES! lol this is very character study like! nICE. it hurts tho, my poor children, i love you both 

oo ‘starlight eyes’ that is a very nice way of describing them

‘“Then what was London?” The protesters. “São Paulo?” The earthquake. “Vancouver?” Freezing cold water.//“Look, I care if Stark’s gonna run us over trying to find her. I care enough because she’s part of our team. Come off it, Steve. I know she can take care of herself. I’m gonna take a nap. Dr. Cho said no partying post-Singapore and what do you know, we throw the biggest party ever.’

ooo singapore uwu and london? (coincidence? haha jkjk) and the hints abt reader and buckys background are so good?? but so annoying??? like i just wanna KNOW yknow?? 

‘The water runs copper and the sting bites at his palm as he tries not to think. Tries to focus on the numbing cold that runs over his skin.’ 

your imagery is so vivid?? im actually in awe??? i am so regretful i havent kept reading your fics. like i know they are amazing, i just keep putting them off??? idk man. hopefully this makes up for it (gd tho, im still not done with commenting on one fic. this is what im doing with my motivation teehee ;)

‘ He feels weak. Tired. He wants to go back to bed but he also wants to stay out in the sun for a few hours more. The sun kisses his skin through the windows and he squints against the blue sky, wondering ‘

mood during this quarantine lol

‘“Oh, right.” Your voice is flat, uninterested, cold, as you stare at him. “You killed my parents.”Shit.‘

 OUCH LMAO THATS C O L D, O GOT +100 PHYSIC DAMAGE FROM JUST READING THAT

ooo robin as a nickname noice. very much gives me batman vibes lol

oh! and the way of doing the ‘flashback’ is neat! very original. it both tells us what happened AND buckys reaction to it again. he can re-analyse himself and reader. very cool

‘If you walk away now, don’t bother coming back!” Silence. Bucky can hear his own strained breathing, your soft sigh as you soaked in his ultimatum.’

👀👀 yikes that ultimatum. :// not good bucky. tbf theyre both trying to hurt each other but Yikes

eyy!!! readers pov!! finally! and the switch after we find out the outsiders pov? brilliant

oh no :(( more angst

‘When’s the last time you saw your therapist?”“Don’t have one. I’m perfectly capable of taking care of myself.”’ they BOTH need therapists;;;;

very good fic!!! :DD they rlly do hate each other! i definitely like how you went back and forth with the timeline! it gave me a v strong idea on what yn was like even before we rlly got introduced. i am now very curious on where reader is? i love your characterisations! 

i will read the 10k+ fics but heck the last one took me ages lolol (i will comment in the future tho!! i promise <3 ) (that took me over an hour jjhghgdjh)

slipping away- amnesiac modern bucky x reader

omg,,, AMNESIA! >:DDDDDD

‘ Put your fucking seatbelt on’

oh no, istg theyre going to have a car crash arent they (’ doesn’t put the seatbelt on to spite you.’ NO PLEASE PUT IT ON U DUMBASS)

ok,,,,, at LEAST he put it on before he got hit, thank heck. but still. youre so cruel to your poor characters lmaoo

oh gosh

‘You fall apart slowly, like pieces of you peeling away until you’re nothing more than your broken heart. The sobs that wrack your body are relentless and you shove your forearm into your mouth to muffle your cries. You want to bite into your skin. You want to distract yourself from the agony tearing you to shreds. You want to feel anything but the pain.///Tears sweep into your hair, cloud your vision and your whole face floods with heat as you try to breathe through the pain. You’re cleaved into pieces on that bed, eyes squeezed shut as the tears keep flowing, and your throat burns’

this hurts damn, it is so vivid?? i can really feel it 

i am so glad you got into writing yk?? so glad

NO PLS, TELL HIM. TELL HIM :((( ‘shes nice once you get to know her?? shes known nat for years now!! years!!

oh god ‘he looks younger without the burden of your time together’ this is so angsty omg

‘Well, he was stumbling through his apology and I just let him finish.” Your body fills with warmth as you remember his embarrassed smile, the way he shoved his baseball cap farther down his head, chin tucked to his chest, trying to hide that face. “When he was done, I opened my mouth to say something polite but what came out was ‘You look like someone I’d very much like to kiss’.”

this is so soft i stg im crying in the club

OH SHITTTTTTTTTTT , you left it off like that!!! thats so cruel!!!! i can’t!!! how dare you!!!! :””””””((( im typing this with tears in my eyes ill have u know!!

anyway!!! very good fic!! you could honestly make that into a longfic very easily lol. i felt too many emotions :(( 

i was just about to say where is the fluff!! where is it!! when i saw the next one and yay :))) pls i cant have more angsty stuff rn

.

cookies and rings and things bucky and reader

‘how much do you love me?’ ‘count the snowflakes, multiply by a million’

did you have to start the fic off with such a SOFT line? its so soft! so TENDER 

‘He wonders what kinda insane person wears socks without any clothes on, but then decides that it’s the kind of person who’s fallen in love with him.’  jesus, the soft moments filled with love are the greatest <3

you can write fluff so well, whyd you have to pain me with all that angst ;””””) (1/10 hurt, 9/10 comfort is the way to go lolol) (jkjk ill read the angsty ones too when i have the spoons) (gonna reread that hydra steve one and ik thatll fuck me UP)

‘ Then, he can feel the cold metal of the ring she slid onto her own finger less than twenty-four hours ago and realizes that he had thought a lot of things shouldn’t be possible, and yet they still are. ‘

you literally brought me to tears reading this softness, you have truly found my weakness

‘ She’s so damn gorgeous with flour on her face and eye bags beneath her eyes that he’s sure she will inevitably make his heart burst ‘

he already likes her so much! i can’t believe this is affecting me so much :’)

‘Bucky is quite sure Sam is in love with his girlfriend in the fact that he’s in love with the fact that his girlfriend is possibly in love with Bucky’

this is so soft??? sam loves reader bc reader loves bucky sm. pls my hear <3333

you do fluff SO WELL DAMN 

‘F.R.I.D.A.Y.’s voice echoes in his small little perch and he still thinks it’s weird without having the side effect of Stark in his suit chasing after him to hear the A.I. but he shoves that uncomfortable feeling of the dead man out of his head. That is too much regret to unpack right now on a mission. ‘

yike bringing back that reminder oof

but thats so soft??? (i am def overusing soft but,,,,, i love it and the vibe) she sent him cookies! god i can feel the love  

‘She expresses her feelings through cooking, which Bucky has learnt the hard way. One time, they got into an argument over something stupid—he can’t even remember what started it—and came to the kitchen at 2AM to see her sitting at the kitchen island crying her eyes out and surrounded by baskets of muffins.’

<3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 my hEART

you show how much they love each other in so many ways??? i am dying

“Alright, I like it.” Rolling his eyes, he pecks her forehead and she smiles victoriously. It’s so adorable that Bucky, with less than three hours of sleep, adds, “God, I want to marry you.//”“What?”//Oh.Shit.

oh my god! i am literally tearing up!!! AGAIN!!!!!!!!

oh shit o am literally crying

your fluff got me crying harder than your angst i hope youre happy

I really hope you enjoy reading this?? i keep forgetting to like text you but i wanted to do something for your birthday. especially in quarantine when everythings gone crazy. one year i swear ill do something REALLY good for you. not making promises bc i hate if i dont. but ill like, learn how to podfic because you D E S E R V E  I T 

ive spent like three hours doing this lolol 

thank you so much for everything hayley!

[bagog]

Night Watchman

It’s time for some more domestic Mshenko fluffy kid fic stuff. That’s right. As always, read it in wide columns here over at AO3

++

Shepard frowned.

“No, those definitely aren’t marshmallows,” he glowered at a bag of Skyllian ruza puffs the grocer had placed on the counter. “They’re… they’re like pillows made of sugar. Uh, sweet… they’re sort of… cylindrical and squat. You know, you can probably just look this up on the extranet.”

The shopkeeper blinked at him slowly, large, impassive salarian eyes scanning over the puffs one more time.

“Look, this place doesn’t specialize in human delicacies—“

“It’s not a delicacy it’s more of a—“

“—so if you want to get your fancy marshmelons you’ll have to go somewhere  else.”

“But I don’t have time to get all the way out to Bachjret ward before my kid’s birthday party starts.”

The shopkeeper smiled for a moment.

“Oh, well if it’s for a birthday party, why didn’t you just say so.” He frowned. “We still don’t have any marshmelons. Now if you’ll step aside please, you’re holding up the line.”

Shepard was kicking himself. Today was Shaun’s birthday, and it would be the first time he was having his birthday on-the-day, in their Citadel apartment. Shepard didn’t necessarily understand why it was such a big deal, but Kaidan seemed to make a lot of it, and that meant Shaun did, too. Normally, Shaun would have one or two friends over for dinner and cake whenever they were next on the Citadel, but this year, he had asked for a ‘real party’—a sleepover and everything.

All Shaun’s friends would be over—the house would be packed with kids. Honestly, it made Shepard a little uneasy to think about. But it was for Shaun, so he would do it, he had to do it. What a difference the years made, the idea of being nervous about a child’s birthday party—when he had executed so many war campaigns without his temper failing at all—was nothing short of ridiculous.

But a lot had changed. He used to wake on his stiff mattress a minute before his alarm, dress and rush down to the CIC, conversing with EDI the whole way about their situation. How far until the next relay. What the situation was with Earth. Any messages from the Citadel Council.

This morning, he woke up 30 minutes after his alarm went off, to the sound of Kaidan singing at the bathroom sink and his son bounding up the stairs to tell him about the new high-score he made on STG Street Fight: 4.

Kaidan had done most of the planning for the upcoming party, and Shepard trusted him the way only a former commanding officer could trust his husband. But it was nagging Shepard that he hadn’t done more to help.

“You’ve never had a birthday party, Shepard.” Kaidan had laughed, “You’ve never been to one either. Don’t worry about it, you’ll do great.”

But, at the threshold of the shower, an idea had struck Shepard: marshmallows. Toasting marshmallows was a thing people did when they wanted to bond. That would surely be suitable for a birthday party. He hadn’t bothered showering at all, throwing his pants and hoodie back on in a flurry and letting Kaidan know he’d be gone for a few hours to buy some last minute supplies.

Three grocers on the Silversun Strip had turned him down, and now Shepard was practically tearing out his hair trying to think of where else to go, not to mention his hip was killing him from all the walking. At last he found them, of all places at the Casino bar—his last-ditch effort.

Shepard got back to the apartment and found Shaun still playing STG: Street Fight 4. He made his way upstairs and heard Kaidan getting out of the shower. He knocked once on the door and peaked his head in.

“I’m back.”

“Come in. I started to wonder if something had happened to you,” Kaidan smiled. It was a veiled smile, though, as it hadn’t been so long ago that the same could be said with a straight face. It had been months after the accident before Kaidan let Shepard go anywhere without him, and it had been years before he stopped worrying. Shepard was sure that, in his own way, Kaidan still worried. That was just what Kaidan did.

“Turns out finding marshmallows on the Citadel is harder than I thought.” He leaned back against the wall, the slight steam mist on the tile soaking into his hoodie. He watched Kaidan shave his face smooth, the stubble itself as much a steely gray these days as the deep black it had been when they married. In nothing but a towel, Kaidan was still a revelation to Shepard: a bead of water running down the line of his chest, his taut stomach and the trail of dark hairs that disappeared beneath the towel wrapped around his waist.

“See something you like, Shepard?” Kaidan smirked at him, eyeing him out of the corner of his eyes.

“I do.” Shepard pushed himself up, walked behind Kaidan and placed his hands on his hips, moist skin beneath his finger tips and the smell of Kaidan’s soap taking over his senses. “How much time do we have?”

“Before the kids get here? Less than I’d like.” Kaidan pushed back against Shepard, leaning forward with a smile when Shepard placed a gentle kiss against the back of his neck. He turned, pulling his towel loose and using the corner to wipe the remaining shaving cream from his face. It was seductive, and Shepard suddenly forgot all about the pain in his hip.

“Well, damn.” He leaned forward and met Kaidan in a kiss, pulled Kaidan in closer till he could feel him through the towel. Pulling away, Kaidan lightly pushed him back, giving a rusty laugh that melted Shepard.

“Hold that thought until after the 10 screaming kids leave our house, okay?” He wrapped the towel back around his waist and took Shepard’s hand, leading him out of the bathroom and down the hall to their bathroom.

“Mm, can do.” Shepard looked down into the living room, seeing Shaun still absorbed in his show. “Maybe I can join you in the shower next time?”

“Maybe we can take a bath?” Kaidan chuckled. He removed his towel again once their bedroom door was closed and ran it through his hair. Shepard always cherished the moments he could see Kaidan’s hair mussed out of place. “I think the s’mores are a really good idea, Shepard.” Kaidan said at last.

“Hm?”

“I mean it. Getting those marshmallows, that’s going to be real special. Good thinking.”

Kaidan was always complimenting Shepard on his parenting, and if he was a little honest, Shepard usually didn’t believe him when he said things like this. Parenting was effortless to Kaidan, saying just the right thing to his son or to his husband to solve the situation, make the day, whatever needed doing. Kaidan was a kind soul, and that was part of the reason he was Shepard’s biggest cheerleader when it came to raising their son.

“Thanks,” Shepard muttered, watching Kaidan walk into their bathroom to fix his hair. Maybe it was worth believing Kaidan, this time around. He had promised he would try.

 Not much later, the kids were piling in until the whole downstairs seemed a blur of running tiny turians, humans, and quarians. Kaidan somehow wrangled all of them together to help with baking the two cakes for Shaun’s birthday.

Shepard sat back and watched, enthralled at how easily Kaidan got all the kids to work together to bake two, honestly not-so-bad-looking cakes. Shepard ordered some pizzas while the kids ‘worked’. Once the cakes were cooling, Kaidan put on one of Shaun’s favorite movies, and the kids scrambled out of the kitchen to watch.

“You nervous about tonight?” Kaidan picked a pepperoni off the discarded pizza.

“No, not at all,” Shepard lied.

“Liar.”

“Then why did you ask?”

“It’s fun to make you squirm, sometimes.” Kaidan leaned over and kissed Shepard’s cheek before helping himself to another pepperoni.

Kaidan had an early meeting tomorrow morning, meaning Shepard had late-night Dad duties to attend to. In a lot of ways, Shepard knew he should view this as a victory. It wasn’t too many years ago that Shaun was warned to never wake his Papa up if he was sleeping because of the way Shepard would jolt awake, throwing fists and kicking his feet.

Now he would be sleeping downstairs with the kids—or trying to sleep, anyway—the chief Dad on duty.

“I can stay up,” Kaidan provided. “You can sleep in our bed, I’ll stay down with the kiddos.”

“No, you’ll be exhausted tomorrow. I have time to take a nap.”

“Won’t be the first sleepless night I’ve had in this job. Part of what I signed up for as a dad.”

“Part of what I signed up for, too.” It came out a little more forceful than Shepard had wanted to. Kaidan stopped chewing and came around the counter to stand next to Shepard, an arm snaking around his waist.

“But since then, a lot of stuff has happened you didn’t sign up for.”

The Big Accident. It had stolen a lot from Shepard. It felt trivial to call it the term they used to talk about it with Shaun. ‘Total Implant Rejection’ almost sounded sinister enough to encompass what it had done to Shepard when Shaun was just two years old.

“I’ve got this.” Shepard laid his head on Kaidan’s shoulder. “I want to do this for him. For you too. And for me.”

“Alright.” Kaidan pulled him closer. “Good.”

++

The only light in the room was the fireplace, crackling away merrily in the main room. All the tables, chairs, and couches had been pushed to the edges of the room to make space for everyone’s sleeping bags, but all the kids, pajama-clad, were huddled around Shepard. Their faces looked awestruck in the firelight as he opened a pack of marshmallows.

He showed them how to carefully skewer the marshmallow on the thin, metal roasters. He toasted a marshmallow to a perfect golden brown. He felt strangely proud of that marshmallow for some reason. Shepard was not always a patient man, and he could imagine Kaidan downstairs right now teasing him about setting a marshmallow on fire while his own marshmallow was perfect. He looked up and noticed the light was still on underneath their bedroom door.

Shepard prepared the s’more and handed it to Shaun, his eyes huge in the firelight as he bit into the treat.

“Ow ow ow!” Shaun cried out. “It’s hot!”

“It was just in the fire, son,” Shepard chuckled.

Pretty soon all the kids were roasting marshmallows, none of them with the patience to produce anything but a black and charred marshmallow on a s’more that was mostly chocolate.

Their sticky faces smiling, the kids began to roll out their sleeping bags.

“Hey, let’s tell scary stories!” Shaun exclaimed. The kids were on board immediately, and there was the awkward moment as they looked around for the first person to say something.

“My momma told me once, on the flotilla,” Tila began, her modified voice clearly trying to sound spooky. “She had a good friend named Varya. Varya and her used to play around in the ducts on their ship. Their parents warned them not to, because the kalag had been spotted in one of the other ships…”

“What’s a kalag?” One of the turian boys asked.

“A kalag is a horrible beast with two heads. It can survive in space and jumps ship to ship in the flotilla. It can sound like anyone—your mom or your dad or you best friend. My mom says it hides in the ducts of older ships, that’s why you should never play in the ducts.

“When she was my age, she lost her friend Varya around a corner in the ducts and then she heard a scream!” She raised her arms, the fire light casting eerie shadows on her face. “She went around the corner and found Varya’s mask—cracked! and bloody!”

The room gasped and at least a few of the kids burrowed into their sleeping bags.

“But then, she heard Varya’s voice, as if nothing had happened, saying ‘Come on! Come further! Just around the next corner!’ So she got out of there right away. And they never found Varya’s body!”

“Is that true?” Shaun hissed, aghast.

Tila nodded her head definitively.

“My mom told me.”

Everyone was deathly quiet and Shepard began to wonder if it had been a good idea to let the kids tell scary stories. He looked up, the light was off in his bedroom. Had to mean it was after ten, if Kaidan was going to bed.

“Anybody else got a story?” Shepard asked the kids.

They heard a few more stories that night, something about a haunted wheel that seemed to make all the kids ‘ooo’ and ‘aaah’. There were a couple more that were clearly the efforts of a young mind trying to improvise a spooky story, and the kids reacted to these with varying degrees of skepticism and terror.

When the number of yawns started to outnumber the number of gasps, Shepard spoke up.

“Alright everybody, I think it’s about time we all get some sleep, huh?”

Shaun looked up at him and leaned in to whisper.

“Are you gonna sleep too, Papa?”

“I’ll be fine, kiddo. Stop worrying about me, you sound like your dad.”

Everyone settled into their sleeping bags and Shepard switched off the fireplace, closed the blinds. He marveled at how well they seemed to cut out the noise of speeding cars. The whole living room was quiet as a tomb, except for the occasional rustling of one of the kids.

He was nodding off in his chair when there was a sudden noise. A moan from where one of the turian boys was lying, right by Shaun.

Shepard heard a small whimper from the corner of the living room, over where Alan… maybe his name was Alex… was sleeping.

“What was that?” Tila said, closer to where Shepard was sitting.

“It’s the kalag!” Shaun hissed. Suddenly, Shepard was dealing with a whole room of terrified children, absolutely confident that they were about to be devoured by a space-beast from quarian legend.

“Shh,” Shepard didn’t like how much exasperation he could hear in his own shushing. “It’s going to be okay, there’s no klag here.”

“Kalag!” moaned Tila.

“Um, yes. Not one of those, either.” Shepard was pretty sure one of the kids was crying now, and he cursed himself for having ever turned off the fireplace—it was obviously too dark in here for a bunch of scared kids. He stood up, “Alright, everyone calm down, I’m going to turn on the fireplace again so we have a little light.”

Shepard turned the fireplace back on and turned around, seeing a multitude of shining, tear-filled eyes in the dark. The kids all scrambled to get closer to the firelight.

“I miss my mom,” choked one little voice wrapped up in a sleeping bag.

His stomach fell. Of course, Kaidan had gone to bed and Shepard was about to have a whole birthday party of kids terrified and homesick. He tried to think about what Kaidan would do—normally it was so easy for him to imagine, even if it wasn’t always easy to do. There was a strange kind of panic that came with his present circumstances that he wasn’t used to. He had fought Reapers and geth and krogans and mercenaries, and at that particular moment, he’d rather be fighting them.

But he had signed on to be a dad, now. Kaidan kept trying to tell him he could be good at that, too. He felt as scared as the kids huddling around him, and for a moment if brought a surge of terror into his chest. He had felt the kind of raw, primal and childish fear of being afraid of a kalag—the rachni, the Reapers. These days, things were not so simple. He was afraid of losing Kaidan. Losing Shaun. Of not being able to be there for his son, and now here he was, all alone and unable to do anything.

Couldn’t be as scared as the kids, though, even if it was a different kind of fear.

“Everyone come here.” Shepard sat down on the floor, back against the hearth. Shaun climbed into his lap and Shepard held him close. He waited till all the little faces had migrated over to his side of the room, dragging their sleeping bags with them. “Now, everyone just close your eyes. I’m here, okay?”

There were a few whimpers around the room, Shepard felt a small thrill when Shaun immediately closed his eyes and buried his face in Shepard’s shoulder.

“Come on now,” he said again, giving the kids a big smile. “Let’s all go to sleep, okay?”

“I’m scared,” came a reply from the back of the little group.

“Here’s what I… um, what I do when I get scared.” He swallowed. His voice shook a bit, he began to sing.

“Tell the stars to sleep, put out the moon. Hush the trees that rustle in the wood Tell the one I love I’ll be sleeping soon. Tell the one I love I will see him soon.”

It was an old lullaby. Shepard didn’t know how he knew it. He never remembered his parents, and couldn’t believe they were the kind to sing their baby to sleep with a lullaby. In the Reds, he would sing it in his head whenever he got scared. Come to think of it, he had never sung it aloud.

“Tonight, remember me in a prayer If you pray them still, and if you could Tell the one I love I sleep without a care Tell the one I love I left without a care.”

He had always suspected the lullaby was one of those lullabies that tried, hope-against-hope, to make a happy ending out of something unhappy. He had never imagined a happy ending for himself, not like this. Not like he had. Whatever kind of dad he was, he was more than he ever dreamed he’d be.

“Tell that ancient rider, ‘Come’ On his pale horse, in his black hood. Tell the one I love I’m coming home Tell the one I love I’m coming home.”

The lullaby went on for several more verses, and when he reached the end, Shepard started from the beginning again. Little eyelids grew heavy and fell closed, whimpers turned to deep, sleeping breaths. The weight of his son in his arms anchored him, even as his thoughts spun out into space and back in time. When he had sung it to himself in the Reds, it was a panacea against fear, he had been ready to die. He’d had no loved one to sing it to, then. These kids, asleep at last in his living room, would never know the kind of world where this lullaby was anything other than a quiet little song to lull them to sleep. He and Kaidan had helped to make that world.

He held Shaun tighter. His voice shook less as he continued to sing.

The rest of the night went by without much of a hitch—one or two of the kids waking up to use the bathroom, then bolting right back to sleep in the glow of the firelight.

He didn’t get much sleep, but he must have slept some, because once he opened his eyes and spotted Kaidan staring down at him from upstairs. Never heard the door open. Kaidan gave a gentle wave, and came down the stairs. Shepard stood carefully and navigated around the kids sleeping on the floor, met Kaidan in the kitchen with a kiss.

“How’d it go?”

“I let them tell spooky stories. That was dumb.”

“Oh no.”

“Ended up being okay, though,” he smiled, and Kaidan smiled back at him. Together, they woke the kids up and made everyone breakfast before parents started showing up to take kids home.

It wasn’t long before Shepard was alone in the house—Kaidan gone off to his meeting and Shaun to spend the day at a friend’s house. It was an odd sensation, being alone in the apartment after such a party. It reminded him just the littlest bit of the morning after their Citadel party during the war. Convinced he needed people in his life for the first time. Convinced he wanted to wake up next to Kaidan every day.

Maybe kids weren’t so bad. Maybe he wasn’t such a bad dad.

As he limped up the stairs to take a nap, he got a message from Kaidan.

“Proud of you. I’ve got nothing going on tomorrow, let’s make tonight special?”

Shepard smiled, messaged back.

“Sounds perfect.”

“Love you.”

“Love you.”

[musingmycelium]

get to know you meme

tagged by @gremlinquisitor <3  i think i did this recently but i can’t remember half of these questions so i’m just going to do it again lmao i’ll tag @trvelyans @my-da-phase @sulevinblade and whoever wants to do this!

Relationship Status:.taken! i have a gf who means the world to me!

Favourite Colour: i answer this the same way everytime but - the color you see when you’re deep underwater, the emerald green fading into midnight blue, looking up at the sky through the ocean and seeing the golden light streak through it. that’s my favorite color

Languages spoken: english, token japanese

Skill few people know you have: i was a ballerina until i was a sophmore in highschool and only had to quit bc it got too expensive but i was quite good

Top Ships: zevran x ellanis.... i write about them literally all the time i stg. but also i love noure surana (and really any surana) x anders bc their dynamic is w i l d and so fun to explore

Lipstick or Chapstick: c h a p s t i c k lipstick almost always makes me dysphoric and its a hastle to keep up

Something you’d like to buy/get: hhhhhhh honestly? no idea??? maybe some plants but honnestly i don’t put a lot of stock/thought into things which makes me sound pretensious but its bc im lazy lkjlkjkljlkjlkjljk

Country you’d love to visit: japan - i’ve loved the history of the place since i was little and read a book about heian period aristocracy 

Last 5 Songs: hhhHHHH UHH miracle | caravan palace team | lorde royals | lorde gold | chet faker little talks | monsters and men

Last movie: oh boy, i almost never watch movies. but i think the last one was maybe one piece gold? loved it, mostly bc i miss robin and franky and usopp lkjlkjklj

Currently reading: outside of academic articles? @trvelyans fic Fire on Fire which is fucking amazing it’s a hawke x inquisitor fic and i love it  @veridium-bye fic Fire in Her Mouth which boy howdy if you want some delicious femslash i can’t recommend veri enough  @dalish-ish fic See Fire and Go Towards Light i never considered reading something about npcs before but oh maker im living for dea’s fic adan and lysette are so wonderfully developed i’m losing my mind @raymurata fic Wayward Heart is mindblowing honestly, alec and zevran have this dynamic that is absolutely delectable please go read this @foxnonny fic Ghilan'him Banal'vhen (The Path That Leads Astray) you know me i’m so in love with polyships and foxnonny has one of the most evocative writing styles i’ve ever had the pleasure of reading. her stories about mahanon and bull and dorian just gt me lost in the sauce of wonderful mlm poly relationships