#me avoiding work as i deserve
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scene from where the apple falls by @jupiters-junipers :-) wholeheartedly recommend any and all of her work
#klance#voltron#vld#ok now time to freak it in the tags#to be honest i saw colleen blogging her read of New and the two of us went back and forth in dms for like 20 mins straight#abt all the things we like abt europas work#and i was like okay i have to assert my membership in the europa fan club too hang on#ive had 'draw europa report scene' in my art to-do file for months but thbeyre all so good#i couldnt choose!#due west is obviously The One the flagship#but they all deserve love....#i tell you to be honest im a coward i usually avoid any unfinished fics cause i like to binge but for europas work its simply worth it#anyway i envy you if you dont know who im talking abt bc that means u get to read her work for the first time...sighs dreamily#art#my art#ANYWAY THIS ONE IS SAD. EUROPA UNDERSCORE REPORT YOU ARE A TWISTED INDIVUDAL (affectionate)#im putting my life in ur hands with those happy ending tags.... save me help me..... auuughghh...
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@disastertourwaterdeepedition
Sorry for the weird fucking post but like tumblr straight up ate your ask?? I had to search and screenshot from my email??
Its like super fine I love big rants and big feelings (especially about the blorbo of the month).
Whoa buddy if you wanna talk about a rant. This got so long I'm putting it under a read more.
I'm not sure any of this is above board conscious thought process. When he looks to Orym, when he thinks about how he feels about Orym, I think Dorian, king of compartmentalizing, gets a rush of all three of the things in the post. He gets a little too lost in thought looking at the way Orym's hair now tries to curl against his ear or how well tailored the armor is to his body, he first gets hit with the Will guilt. Then he thinks about "ohmygodtheresawaron" and he'd shovel all of that down. Because its not time to think about Orym and him. But he knows by the way Orym watches him "sleep". He knows by the way Orym refused to be princess carried in Aeror. (Seriously dude Dorian princess carries everyone. It would have been less suspicious if you let it happen). He knows because Orym didn't see his husband when they were in Zephrah. But when he dares himself to actually think about a possible future together, he uses the big three to shove it down. And no, he has no clue that Orym thinks he doesn't return his feelings. (Wow you're right. Pronouns are hard)
Lol to finally answer your question: I'm not sure! Because the thing is! Orym has gone down twice in a battle with Dorian there! And honestly if Orym being on death's door doesn't make either of them confess, i'm not sure what will! (thats a lie I do have an idea). But like Orym went to the moon and back and almost died on the moon and all the count communicate to Dorian was "I miss you"!! Orym nearly died twice in one battle and he didn't think to give Dorian a sloppy, "If I die again I want to have kissed you once" kiss before going in for another round of getting hacked on. Dorian watched him go down and had to bring him back from death's door (one failed save scared the shit out of me) and he didn't think to give Orym a "We need you, I need you" kiss.
My unfortunate thought process, which I can't decide if I want it to come true or not, is that Dorian has to get hurt. Like when I say hurt I fucking mean it. Taken down in a round or two, two failed death saves, hurt. Because then Orym will have to face losing Dorian again. Face losing the man he loves, again. He pours a healing potion into Dorian's mouth because warlocks don't have a single healing spell. (Just checked). Orym feels so helpless in saving Dorian, because a healing potion isn't nearly enough to keep him up. He starts to cry over Dorian's (now conscious) body. He whispers between sobs "Not again, not again. Dorian you can't leave me. I love you, please, I never got to tell you, please stay alive." and Dorian, having heard all of that, reaches up to cup Orym's cheek and says. "Alright, just for you though."
Or something like that.
As much as I would love for them to be adults and just talk to each other. I know thats not going to happen. (Please, Robbie, Liam, prove me wrong.) So I think major tragedy will be the reason they confess to each other. Because they're idiots in love with a lot of weight on their shoulders.
#sleep drunk stage door#orym of the air ashari#dorian storm#dorym#written before watching 106#these two are going to be the death of me#i was thinking about DORIAN DYING all the way home from work#almost cried a few times#but like the thing is with these two idiots is that theyre both hell insecure#maybe not with each other in a way that makes them avoid each other. but orym defo does not think he deserves dorian#in whatever way you want to take that the answer is yes for all of it.#and dorian is insecure in the way that i dont know if he expects orym to get over will for him#he doesnt doubt that orym loves him. and he'd never blame him for still loving will. but dorian doesnt think hes worthy enough.#or that hes worth the effort of moving on#does any of this make sense? I was up too early and worked hard today#so sorry if this is a rambling mess.#i feel like i didn't answer your question i filled out a writing prompt.#my b#i like hearing myself talk if you couldnt tell#certified yapper
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Thoughts on the Typhlosion allegations/pokemon teraleaks?
Okay, here’s what I’ll say about that. (And fair warning, it is nothing positive)
I think the fandoms reaction to these “leaks” has been absolutely ridiculous. They are not canon, they do not change pre-existing information present in the games and anime. Concept art is interesting, but things that were scrapped and did not appear in the actual media should not be regarded as fact.
Especially the Typhlosion thing, it’s like if jk Rowling said ‘oh yeah at one point in the writing process I thought Harry Potter would be a girl, but I changed my mind’ and the fandom went ‘oh my god Harry’s been a girl this whole time!’ Like no, a lot of work and ideas go into the concept and development of works like these, and then creators pick and choose the best of their ideas and use that, but I think it’s very problematic to judge them on the concepts that they themselves already decided weren’t good enough to use.
I have very strict opinions about what counts as canon, and that very simply is ‘what is in the work itself’. Unused concepts, things a creator said years later online, and really popular headcanons don’t count. They’ll never count, sorry but that’s not how language works, you can’t just redefine canon to encompass anything that maybe could have been a part of the project. It can be super neat to look at what changes could have been made, but it needs to be understood that that does not impact what the actual game is like.
This Typhlosion thing especially, it *could* be neat if people just took the scrapped stories to go “oh yeah the Pokémon world could have had myths and legends similar to our own! That will be interesting to explore in fan works!” But that’s not what the majority of people did. Instead, people took it to mean that somehow all Typhlosion are secretly evil and shouldn’t be left alone with children and anyone who has one or likes that Pokémon should be ridiculed based on nothing.
Because the stuff that in those leaks (baring things about unreleased games) are nothing. Looking at them in the sense of seeing ‘How It’s Made’ is interesting, fine go for it yeah sure, but they have absolutely no bearing on the actual franchise itself. And I have no patience for the people taking them as gospel and insisting they be considered more true over the actual canon.
#this buissness with the leaks has made me so frustrated#so I’ve been avoiding them as much as possible#not to mention from what I heard real employees data also got leaked#so maybe let’s not make the leaks super popular and encourage this behaviour#It’s already so stressful to make your work public because of how judgmental the internet always is#I don’t like the idea people can’t even have bad ideas in the concept stage without getting torn apart for it#in my own works I’ve had ideas and written them down before thinking actually this isn’t as good as something else#and the scrapping the bad idea#that doesn’t mean those bad ideas are the secret real canon#I’ve had very negative experiences in the past about being told something was secretly canon (for the record no it wasn’t) and so because of#that my headcanon made me a shit person#and that’s ridiculous#I’ll bang this drum all the live long day#have as many head canons as you want#but don’t get mad when someone else’s head canons or the sorce material disagrees with you#I love Pokemon and these leaks are dumb#plus apparently the Typhlosion thing was a mistranslation#my Typhlosion from Ultra Moon EH-FLAMME doesnt deserve this slander lol#for the record her name came from Wondertrade I didn’t pick it#Pokémon#teraleak
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yes it's just me whining about the same thing for the billionth time, pls just scroll past nothing new to see here 👋
#i just want to enjoy the summer but i feel like i don't deserve to if i'm not constantly trying to become employed again 😭#''apply for jobs then? problem solved'' uh-huh yes but!! i also hate applying for jobs#job seeking can be so incredibly humiliating#first i have to send them a letter BEGGING to be invited to an interview#and then i have to try and convince them that i am actually competent and good at my job even though you have my cv right there#and then afterwards they call me to tell me they found someone who they liked better than me#(or rather someone who was more competent than me judging by their work history etc.)#it's like ''yes we are hiring but not YOU specifically lol''#like. at school if you take a test you get the grade you deserve based on how you did in the exam.#it's something you can actually directly affect yourself#but if someone who's applying for the same job with me has more work experience or whatever they will get hired over me no matter what i do#(at least that's how it usually works on my field)#in which case it doesn't matter if i do well in the interview or nah. bc the other person was always going to be picked for the job anyway#and yes one could say i can then be satisfied if i did my best but it's little consolation when i'm still unemployed!!#and so every time i apply for a job and get rejected it feels like a personal failure#and to avoid that feeling of failure i want to avoid applying for jobs altogether#so yeah. being active in job seeking is more likely to relieve me from this misery but job seeking is ALSO misery. so 🤷♀️#that on top of the fact i don't even _want_ to apply for all the open positions on my field#but i feel obliged to because it's what i have a degree on. and when i'm unemployed i don't have the luxury to choose which ones i apply fo#i can't afford to be picky#I DON'T DREAM OF LABOUR I JUST NEED MONEY TO LIVE BUT I ALSO DON'T WANT TO DO JUST ANY JOB! I AM NOT STRONG ENOUGH FOR THAT!#i don't want to come home crying from work every day because i hate every single aspect of my life INCLUDING my job 😭#when this semester i actually HAD a job i didn't mind waking up to every morning 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭#it's not fair it's not fair it's not fair#to conclude i don't deserve to enjoy myself in the summer because i'm not doing enough to fix my unemployement situation#(just like i don't deserve to feel sad about being lonely because i don't work hard enough to maintain deep friendships#but that's a crisis for another day! stay tuned ✌️)
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i have to wonder what super hardcore militant vegans think should be done about obligate carnivore animals, because in all my painfully-rapidly-approaching-30-years i've literally never actually seen anyone give a clear consistent much less halfway feasible answer on that
#mostly i've just seen like “how dare you ask questions you just want an excuse to murder you're sealioning ect”#or worse some vague and wildly improbable nonsense about like. fake robot animals covered in beyond meat or something equally convoluted#which is a thing i did see someone suggest as a serious answer#i mean i already know they think i'm a genetically inferior hateful vampire that should starve to death for the greater good#because my exact combination of health conditions make meat basically the only semi-safe way i can get close to enough nutrients#i know this because they have repeatedly told me that i'm either evil or should be sacrificed or both#and yelled at me for asking questions by bringing up the whole disabled thing and then they're like#“a lot of vegans i know are advocates for disability!” as if that ever means jack shit in the society that results from anything#no matter what you do a vast majority of people in any given society will *not* be advocates for the disabled. i'm sorry they just won't.#and what do you think public perception of people who physically can't survive like that is going to skew towards#in a society founded on the belief that non-vegan diets are evil?#at absolute best we're looking at being a heavily marginalized class generally seen as something like vampires and our existences taboo.#(as if these type's own insistence that they should be allowed to harass and shame people doesn't disprove their assertion that we won't be#thinking it could possibly go any better than that is a fucking fairy tale. human nature doesn't work that way.#you simply cannot eliminate the human desire to designate and abuse a class of have-nots. the absolute best you can do is mitigate damage.#take it from someone who's been multiple kinds of disabled and chronically ill all my life. people will not “just”. ever.#i get this even from people who are otherwise very aware of and VERY GOOD at avoiding this sort of thinking#“i'm a disability advocate!” no you are not. you are a poster. my experience has taught me that what people advocate for in their free time#means precisely jack shit for how they will actually act when faced with the situations they make otherwise rational posts about#and the fact of the matter is even if you somehow really are the perfect disability advocate a majority of people WILL NOT BE YOU.#a majority of people in society will be margrat from accounting who clutches her pearls when she sees the gays and thinks autism isnt real#and who has never had a nuanced thought in her life and actively does not want to#a vast majority of people in your Vegan Utopia will not be you and your friends who march with wheelchair users and volunteer at the shelte#a vast majority of people in your Vegan Utopia will be jenny who starved 8 cats to death on broccoli because she can't be bothered#and who thinks that “carnivores” are actual nazis and don't deserve healthcare because she saw someone say that online.#ALWAYS assume your society will be made up mostly of the worst kind of person it can because it WILL ALWAYS BE TRUE and you can't change it#most people seek the low-effort option. and evil is most often banal and low-effort.#i'm just so fucking tired of every single even vaguely lefty-adjacent political movement simultaneously acting like i don't fucking exist#and at the same time that i need to be sacrificed to achieve Utopia. god. at least conservative whackjobs are upfront and honest about#how they think that i'm a burden on society that needs to be Eugenics'd . rather than trying to morally gaslight me about it.
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Hi there!! Your milgram drabbles are actually giving me life. If you're still taking requests (if not, totally fine!!), how about Haruka and Colours? :)
Aww thank you so much!!! :D Thank you for the request ooh, it's such a fun prompt for him! I ended up going with something for him and Muu between the first two trials, but I still wanted the main focus to stay on his voice and growth 👍
“This is your wardrobe?” Muu's eyebrows raised. “That's all there is?”
“W-well, I don't own much else that I, I really like to wear. Sorry." Haruka’s mind whirled into a panic. His new friend had been in his cell for less than two minutes and he was already a disappointment. She knew a lot about clothes and fashion, but he didn’t know a thing about that. They’d have nothing in common. She’d grow bored of him, and hate him, and --
“Aw, you don't need to apologize! The warden should be sorry for making you wear this. Muu will have to fix it.”
“Fix what?” He bit down on his thumbnail. He knew there was a lot of him that needed fixing. That’s what he’d been told as long as he could remember. But what did she plan on doing that no one else could?
“All white does not do you justice. I'll request some things for you, okay? Let’s see…"
She spun away from the clothes to examine him. He squirmed under the sudden, intense gaze. She looked him up and down, without saying a word. He hugged his arms to his chest. He had too many painful memories of people looking at him like that. But at the same time, he hoped she would never stop…
Her lips twisted into a gentle pout. “See? You poor thing, you don’t feel confident in that at all.”
“W-well, it’s only that --”
“-- Don’t worry about a thing. Muu will get some neutrals, and a few accents. That will help bring out your eyes.”
“My, uh, my eyes?”
“Mm, they're your best feature.” She said it as if he were crazy for not knowing. His mouth gaped. He had a best feature?
“Speaking of, I'll have to grab some pins to keep your hair back, so you can actually see them…” She reached out to brush some of his hair aside. He flinched, but let her touch him as she tried out a few things. While poised over his face, she looked at him seriously.
“How do you feel about purple?”
He swallowed. How did he feel about purple? Haruka thought it was a strange question, but if Muu was being so nice to him, he should trust her. He should respond perfectly. He went back and forth on what the right answer could be. How did everyone else feel about purple? How did Muu feel about purple?
“Nevermind.” She put her hands on his quickly raining shoulders. He relaxed them. “I think I’ll go with green.”
He sighed with relief. “Oh! Okay!”
Muu continued muttering to herself about different colors and styles, to which he nodded along. If she thought it would help him, he believed her.
———
He stepped into the dining hall for breakfast. The prisoners were used to their routine by now, so nothing really caused disruption anymore. It was why Haruka was unprepared to be a disruption himself.
“Haru~” Mahiru called. “Wow!”
His eyes widened. As he scrambled for a reply, Mikoto nodded from another table. “So colorful!” All the eyes turned to him. Even Es turned from where they were speaking with Jackalope in the kitchens. They all smiled at him.
“How fashionable!”
“It suits you well.”
“Aw, look at you!”
The sudden praise forced his hands up to cover the huge smile on his face. “Me?”
He could feel his cheeks redden, but his heart raced in excitement. At their request, he did a stiff turn to show off the whole outfit. “Ah… it’s only because of Muu…”
“And it looks like I did a great job!” She appeared beside him, pressing her palms together. “You look wonderful.”
With so many kind eyes on him, he couldn’t help the giggle that spilled between his fingers.
“Buuut Muu can’t take all the credit,” she said. “Or your clothes. This is you. You look happier. You’re holding yourself differently.”
“I didn’t know…” He hadn’t meant to do that. That was a good thing, right? Haruka felt his legs shift, as he thought too hard about how he was standing.
Is this why he was forgiven? People were finally seeing him. Es really looked at them during his interrogation. The prisoners had noticed him more and more. Even the voices that whispered in his cell at night had taken a strong interest in him. And now, everyone was showering him with their praises. Muu was right, it was more than the bright colors he was wearing.
“Yeah, you seem more confident.”
He lowered his hands to return her beaming smile.
“I… I think I am.”
#milgram#haruka sakurai#muu kusunoki#i had a few different thoughts for the prompt -- maybe something with the crayon coloring from Weakness or something relating to the#vibrant bugs/fish in AKAA#but i really loved his trial glow up (personally i think he had the best one of t2!!) and wanted to work with that#ive been trying to avoid time breaks in short pieces of writing but i definitely wanted to show him getting the attention he deserved :')#i pictured that before all the t2 shit started to hit so everyone is in a good mood and genuinely happy to see him so confident#i hope his internal monologue wasnt too much but i had a blast writing it asdfdsf#a small dose of childishness but a big dose of needless anxiety ;--;#i dont know if haruka fans like seeing him and muu together but i wanted to show them interact because this treatment specifically would#have Such a good impact on him which makes me so happy#ahh i hope you enjoy! this was so much fun ✨ thanks again :D#drabbles
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coworker and i were talking about annoying rich people complaints and behaviour and like. i really do think it is high time to dust off the guillotine. i cannot keep on going listening to this shit biting my tongue.
#the main reason i need a different job is bc i want to kill my bosses#the other reason is bc working in Tax Avoidance forces me to listen to people i personally think deserve decapitated
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i should... make special tags for all byan's significant dynamics while i'm thinking about it tbh. idk why i haven't already??? maybe i'll look at getting on that once i'm home 🤔
#i think the only thing that's stopped me is like. the idea of having to find fitting lyrics or w/e for everyone#demand avoidant brain says that's too much work lmao...#but it's smth i DO want to do. maybe i'll just simplify them?? idk idk but i'm gonna do it soon#y'all deserve a special tag around here 😤#━━ ˟ ⊰ ✰ ooc ⋮ don't @ me.
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It is only first month of 2024, and I've already lost not one but two subjects of nightmares, paranoia and reoccurring emotional torture. I really wish there was another way to get rid of these besides having extremely painful conversations.. but at least these scars are closing, one by one
#/vent#personal#and this time was like.. opposite of the previous one#previous one absolutely wrecked me with very ugly insight and basically made all puzzle pieces fall together#this one was just pain and crying and having my worst suspicions about other person AND self faced and confirmed#but again it got solved#I really want the power to move on without having a closure.#I hope I will be strong enough for it one day.#I just need to think..#I think I really should avoid other depressed/traumatised people until something can be done with how I react at perceived threats#(which is eternity because hell I know when I will be able to afford therapy. probably never with how my life situation is going)#as jarring as being close only with 'healthy' people would be I just can't make things worse for both me and them#until I can change my default response from aggression into avoidance I'll just stay away from anyone with depression#I say very terrible things when I feel threatened and it is way too easy to make me feel threatened. it is THE easiest thing in the world.#I won't survive without close friends anyhow but there is category of people that can't recover from these words normally#I mean I am ALSO this 'category'. I also hurt from awful words thrown at me for MONTHS don't I#it is very hard to be aware of my glaring flaws when everyone that points them out is outright malicious and wants me bullied off the Earth#and then everyone who does think I deserve my human rights either doesn't see my flaws or doesn't mention them#so at least discussing it without outright intention to harm me was helpful for a change#maybe one day I'll have a friend that can be open if I've hurt them a lot so I can work on it but that's another story I guess
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seriously giving up on my hair it makes me want to cry
#fine baby hair has got to be one of the worst traits i could've gotten from my dad#i understand it's genetics but god why do i deserve to have this greasy hair#i also know it's hormones but i can't do hormonal treatments so where do we go from here#it's such a pass in the a s s to have to wash your hair every other day#i guess i am noticing it more now because it's grown a lot#because when i donated it i cut off A LOT OF IT so it was short and more manageable#now that it's longer it's unbearable#i have tried it all#sls free shampoos paraben free shampoos#(trying to avoid dry shampoo although it works because it's cancerous)#i tried oiling it and avoid conditioner on the roots#i have tried using less heat and drying it properly#it makes me so MADDDDD#nothing seems to work#didi rambles#more like didi cries#and my natural hair isn't even proper curls / waves so eventually i am forced to straighten it#pain in the ass * wow look at me being so pissed i can't type
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i just like. wish ppl would realize how bad things are for most diaspora jews atm and like. take that into account wrt how they talk abt stuff
#s.txt#every day i see another dozen posts that make me want to cry and further avoid social media#like. i'm sorry i need white gentiles to realize that part of their job here is working to make the diaspora safe for jews!!!#do you know how much harder it is to convince my family that israel isn't the solution when houses in my neighbourhood are getting shot at#and vandalized for having mezuzahs??? which we also had up until they were ripped off by someone a few years back???#and like those are very necessary convos to have and i'm gonna keep having them and doing what i can and everything#but then i come on here and see shit like all zionists deserve to die no matter and it's just like. yall just want to see jews dead actuall#a free palestine is imperative i believe this to the depths of my soul#and things are also very scary right now!!! these are two things that can and are coexisting rn!!#sorry for the essay lmao#and yeah i'm not really on here besides my queue atm bc most of my energy rn is going towards irl convos+stuff and that's good frankly#sorry coming back bc i remembered the thread i saw from a white gentile leftist last week#that referred to israelis as pests that need to be eradicated#in those exact words and like sorry that's just straight up antisemitic rhetoric in so many ways like pls listen to yourself
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Honestly, rather than twitch taking five FUCKING minutes to verify my free subscription every time I want to watch Critical Role early, they should just let me set the damn thing to renew automatically.
It's not like I use their piss-poor website for anyfuckingthing else anyway why the hell should I have to wait for them to find their ass from a hole in the ground?
#Critical Role#Twitch fucking sucks#that should be instant it is 20fucking23#you're not getting money out of me anyway. so function properly to avoid getting shit-talked.#because frankly you deserve it twitch ~<3#your subtitles suck. your layout sucks. your tiny pause button sucks. you can't remember where I left a video paused. fuck you.#if someone set twitch's servers on fire I would cheer#oh they fixed the pause button thing for now at least. whoopdee doo -.-#never mind it only works when I UNPAUSE fucking hell#actually catch on fire. actually burn. fucking twitch servers
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I just want to know if I'm doing something specific wrong, or am I simply fundamentally unlikeable?
#it's the way every friendship ends in total silence that bothers me#like i am not even owed an explanation#they just stop responding and assume i'll take the hint#and i try to#but my brain doesn't work you know?#i would prefer you just tell me what i've done and block me to the weird mindgames or cowardly conflict avoidance or whatever this is#but nothing ever changes for the better so what the hell do i expect#i really need to just stop trying to make friends#i don't deserve them apparently#and i only hurt myself more for reaching out
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Sometimes, I like to enhance the writing process by leaving ridiculous comments on my document as I write. Then, when I go back through to edit, I get the added entertainment of being reminded of whatever clownery popped into my head as I was writing.
Some of my favorite examples from the chapter of TLWHAHD that will be uploaded on Monday are below the cut :)
#the lady will (hopefully) avoid her doom#tlwhahd#writing#wattpad story#clownery#writeblr#writers on tumblr#i'm my own favorite comedian#i've always said that about myself#i exist for my own entertainment#the 'go cry about it southerners' thing was a reference to the stereotype about how people from the south (US) really love sweet tea#also the clowns who are contending for the position as liz's number one stan are the other characters#i swear i love my characters#most of them anyway#but they're absolute clowns if they think they are bigger fans of the protagonist than me#i made almost everyone love her for a reason#because she deserves it#anyway#i'm procrastinating working on my story#as one does
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AGH.
#Thinking about Sara Lynn :((#and also Abigail#i love you teen girls who deserves better u are loved#THEY MAKE ME FEEL SICK#makes me want to cry a little#I love them so much I wanted them to live. to be able to heal be the best version of themselves#but inevitably the adults in their life just fucking failed them#I fucking hate you Bojack Horseman (but i also see how the adults in his own life failed him) he continued the cycle and it lead to-#-Sara Lynn's death#just at the moment in her life when she was trying to stay clean and finish her studies#SHE WON HER FUCKING EMMY ANS SHE WASNT THERE TO RECEIVE IT AND SEE THE FRUITS OF HER WORK#She died. She died without knowing about it. She died next to the person who she still trusted after everything that happened to her#and Bojack failed her.#and god I know Abigail wasnt a saint#but i look at her and for a moment i wonder of this could have been avoided#i wonder if she could've been saved from the disaster that is Hannibal's and Will's relationship#i wonder if she could've been saved from Hannibal.#he was the one she trusted the most. she never saw Will in the same light. she feared him even if Hannibal tried to make thay fear go away#AND SHE ALSO DIED FOR THEIR SINS#she wasnt a saint but she was a lamb who got sacrificed for the horrifying love that grows in those two#and god#Hannibal killed her. sliced her neck the same way her own fathered had threatened to kill her in#sheepy rambles#txt
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thanks for being nice to me <3
#accidentally hit the back button in browser when queuing and it took me way back in my inbox#i'd been avoiding scrolling because I didn't remember what was there and assumed it was awful#there were a couple people who sent me incredibly kind and helpful asks when i was at my lowest point on this website#most were anons and several asked me not to post. all of that is completely fine ofc#but i just read back through them and realized i never really thanked them and i didn't know how#if you have literally ever treated me like a human being. be it a supportive like or a kind word or tags or a compliment or a message...#or even just. not actively talking shit about me.#or a million things i'm forgetting. thank you. thank you so much.#i want to believe i deserve kindness but it's a frequent battle#and having a specific tangible example like 'this person took the time to be kind to me when i was at my least sympathetic' helps a lot#everything is okay just having some feelings and working through them#and thought i could at least say thank you#i live with a lot of fear of the bad and i need to work on remembering there is good too. there is so much good.
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