#I should send nice messages to people more often

[ratingboomercomics]

Please do more of these, this page is awesome!

Waow…. You are nice

[saturngas]

hickeys on display

[🪐] satoru wears proudly the hickeys you left on him last night

pairing: gojo satoru x f!reader

genre: fluff

warnings: established relationship; only one suggestive paragraph; crack fic? again me trying to be funny; nanami mentioned!; slight possessive traits;

word count: 1k

..

nanami sometimes pitied you. you were a good human being, a nice woman, a devoted and strong sorcerer. but why did the world reward you with this menace that calls itself satoru?

the moment his eyes landed on the tall sorcerer walking in the bakery shop, nanami swore he wanted to throw himself off the window.

satoru had convinced him to go out to his favorite bakery shop to spend time while his beautiful wife returned from the mission. the blonde man actually didn't have any other plans for the day, so he could bare a couple of hours with the strongest.

but not like this.

Japanese culture revolved in humbleness and respect towards others. satoru was anything but that. he had gained multiple stares since he landed on the bakery, all eyes focused on the angry marks on his attractive neck and collarbones.

"what happened to you? were you attacked on your way here?" nanami asked sarcastically as satoru sat down in front of him.

"what do you mean, nanamin?" he faigned ignorance as he adjusted himself on his sit, his large hands fidgeting with the menu. nanami sent him a dead stare, not believing his cluelessness. "oh this?" he pointed to his exposed skin. "oh it's just that I miss my wife so much. I also want anyone to know im so taken."

Nanami couldn't believe his ears. he wanted to choke the hell out of the sorcerer for being so shameless.

"your ring is sufficient."

satoru eyed the silver band adorning his ring finger, the lovely reminder of your wedding playing on his head. "well, yeah I guess... but people dont usually look at other's people hands first."

the curious and judgmental stares from the strangers in the store were making nanami a bit uncomfortable. maybe he should just have his baguette as a take out.

"nanamin, have you ordered yet? I think ill have the strawberry cheesecake and a vanilla milkshak— what are you doing?"

in front of him was nanami holding up his phone, hands ready to take a picture of satoru as an evidence to you and a reminder to him to never go out with him again.

"im sending your wife a picture of you. I hope she doesn't approve this and takes you home away from people." as soon as satoru heard the mention of his wife, he stood taller in his sit, puffing out his hard chest, his exposed bruised neck more on display as a boyish grin struck his face.

"haha, okie~" a fit of giggles left his lips that made nanami exhale the hardest he had that evening. "please tell her I miss her and that I love her with all my heart."

come get your husband. he has no shame.

your phone buzzed in your pocket as a final puff left the remaining of the curses you just have exorcized. you checked the message sent by a good friend of yours, nanami. you couldn't help but laugh.

since you were called for a quick mission not too far from tokyo, poor satoru was left alone without his pretty wife. he insisted on going with you, however you reminded him of the house chores he had been avoiding the past weeks.

your husband had a habit of sending you recurrent messages whenever you were away. it could be him on a mission overseas sending you pictures of himself in every angle just to crack a smile on your face. or it could be him spamming you on texting him back if you left him on read by accident.

right now, it had been around thirty minutes since satoru had informed you he had finished his duties, sending you visual proof—he would often get away with it—and a dozens of messages declaring he missed you and was miserable without you, so he let you know he would be visiting nanami, probably because there wasn't anyone within his range he could bother.

what you didn't expect was the photo attached to nanami´s previous message.

satoru was sitting in a booth—probably in some bakery shop—with one of the biggest grins you had seen on his angelic face. his baby blue eyes were covered by his rectangular glasses and his white hair was a bit messy.

but what immediately caught your attention wasn't his toothy grin or his perfect jawline—it was the shameless exposure of his bare neck, where purple and red marks decorated the pale skin of his collarbones, neck, and trapezius.

the night before was a night. satoru made you feel so full that your eyes were at one point covered in tears of pleasure, your jaw as tight as ever as you took all of him so well. the carnal heat inside you was boiling and daring to explote, so you released it with snug bites on satoru's skin, anywhere within your range, making him groan and hiss in painful arousal. there were moments where you would almost chew on the rosy skin to suppress the loud moans. satoru took good care of you. but now?

your husband deliberately decided to wear that low collar sweatshirt you loved so much. but not right now! how was he so uncaring about showing the entire world your marital business?

a sighed left your lips as you replied to nanami with an "im coming," before departing your way to the place, already having the directions since satoru left his location on with you all the time.

"please dont ever do this, toru."

"then dont give me these hickeys! and dont leave me alone too much! I need to remind myself you still exist, baby."

"I was done with my mission in like two hours!"

"oh wow, you are getting stronger pookie bear."

taglist: @snwvie @fanficsforkicks

hello guysss, im working on other works because I have like so many ideas but it's kinda hard to write them all the way I want to. im also working on pt 2 of some works some of y'all have suggested. bare with me alr :]

[cr-aspec-fest]

CR Aspec Fest - Info & FAQs!

The Critical Role Aspec Fest is a month-long fanwork fest (with a prompt for each week) celebrating aromantic-spectrum and asexual-spectrum experiences!

Schedule and Prompts

WEEK 1 (Feb 1st-7th): Aro-spec

WEEK 2 (Feb 8th-14th): Ace-spec

WEEK 3 (Feb 15th-21st): Unconventional relationships

WEEK 4 (Feb 22nd-28th): Free week! Whatever your heart desires.

FAQs

(if something isn't answered here, please feel free to send an ask or message!)

Can I make something about a character being demisexual or demiromantic or (insert other label)? Can I make something about a character who's straight?

Absolutely - please do! Aspec is a very broad umbrella term, and this event is all about celebrating a variety of experiences that aren't well-represented in media. If it feels right to you, go for it. I'm not going to exclude any works from the fest just because they aren't relatable to me.

What types of fanworks can I make for the fest?

Anything! Be that fanfiction, fanart, meta, gifsets, edits etc. - everything is welcome! If you're writing fanfiction, you're encouraged to post to the AO3 collection here.

Which Critical Role characters can I make fanworks about?

Do I have to make a fanwork for every week to take part?

Nope! The more the merrier, but we're doing this for fun, not to stress!

Anyone in anything they've streamed - so the main campaigns, EXUs, Candela Obscura, Daggerheart or other oneshots!

Do I need to be aspec to join?

Definitely not, as long as you're coming in with the mindset of being respectful of our experiences. For one, I'm aromantic but not ace-spec - so making works about ace-spec experiences is naturally going to be more difficult for me, but entirely doable with a little bit of research! I think it's a great way to learn about others.

Why February? Why a whole month?

Yes, there are plenty of aspec weeks hosted in other fandoms, which are great and the inspiration for this event! But personally, I am both slow and busy, so making just one thing per week is much more achievable for me. I chose February because Aromantic Awareness Week is the week after Valentine's day, and this fest was originally going to take place during that time. I'm also unaware of any other fandom events happening in February (although please let me know otherwise, just for my own interest!). The fact that February splits so nicely into 4 whole weeks is an added bonus!

Edit: There is another CR fandom event this month - @vexlethuary!

Would you like people to share around the existence of this fest?

(Okay, maybe this one's a bit of a cheat.) Yes please! Even if you don't plan on taking part, getting eyes on the existence of this event would be wonderful. This is the first fandom event I've ever hosted, and I don't have a huge platform among fic writers, who are likely the largest contingent of nerds (lovingly) who'd be interested in taking part in an event like this.

Other Rules

Please don't bash any ships or headcanons you don't like! Part of the fun of fandom is seeing the broad range of possible interpretations, and I'd always rather foster a sense of community rather than opposition.

Suggestive, NSFW and whump content is fully allowed, but must be tagged correctly for whatever platform you're posting on. When reblogging suggestive or NSFW content, I'll use the tag #CRAspecFestNSFW, so filter that if you'd like.

Fanworks should be focused on aspec experiences or characters, but other topics or characters can totally be included, and these experiences don't have to be super clear or well-labelled in-text (gods know that real-life experiences are often opaque and confusing) - it's your intention that matters. This is up to your discretion, really. As with the rule of thumb for AO3 tagging - if someone was viewing this for aspec content, would they be disappointed? If so, you can always rework it, or post it outside of this fest.

Please consider adding alt text to any images you post - here's a useful guide if you're not sure what to write.

This account will be reblogging every fanwork made for the fest - just remember to tag us, and use the #CRAspecFest tag! If you don't have a tumblr account and want a post about your work to be included, send a message.

There'll be more posts on this account with ideas for how to approach the prompts, plus reminders at the start of each week, tagged #CRAspecFestPosts. All submission reblogs will be tagged #CRAspecFestWorks (and #CRAspecFestNSFW if applicable).

[reignpage]

Frequently Asked Questions

When sending an ask, what are the rules?

All requests regarding smaus and fics will be sent straight to the trash or you may be blocked No exceptions You are always free to ask questions Be aware that if you send a complaint or something negative, you will be blocked I do this for free so constructive criticism isn't of interest to me And since this is the internet, you know well to scroll when you see something you don't like so making a complaint instantly makes you look like an idiot

Can I ask for a part 2?

Depends on how you ask 'Pt 2 when? or 'tag me in pt 2' won't get you anywhere with me But if you express genuine interest then of course I'd be more likely to consider making a part 2 if I haven't already decided

Why are some of your smaus not linked?

They have been archived since they were written very early on, back when I hadn’t decided to change to light mode yet. It’s possible I would rewrite them but there is no guarantee. Please do not ask me to bring them back.

When do you post?

Whenever I have time, sometimes multiples times in one day, sometimes every other day, but I'm generally known to post daily

What app do you use to make your smaus?

I don't use an app. I use my own messages and I'll send myself texts.

Will you do other characters like Ino and Shiu?

I do add Ino, Hiro and Shiu sometimes but they're special guests. It's a little difficult for me to write for them because of timing and because l don't know them well enough so I don't want people to start expecting them. They're a treat.

Can I ask you for writing advice?

Yes, of course.

Why aren't you answering my requests?

That’s cause my requests are closed. If you make a request, you risk being blocked.

Why are your requests closed?

I don't have time to take requests at all I have enough ideas of my own to not need requests I want as many of my works to come from my own brain so please don’t send suggestions either (I consider them a more subtle form of a request)

Why do you get so upset about people sending requests?

Because my requests have been closed for months and it's been made so very clear. If someone makes a request it means they haven't done their due diligence even though they should have when making a request (i.e. reading the rules and boundaries established by the creator). Either that or they have completely ignored my signposting which then makes them disrespectful and idiotic. I get requests every day. Sometimes the phrasing of the request isn't even friendly or polite. Hopefully you can imagine how tiring this gets but also how one can feel disrespected. Thus, I reserve the right to reply, if I do, as I see fit. If you don't like it, there's no one keeping you here.

Do you read your inbox?

Of course, I read all comments and messages sent to my inbox I may not reply to every nice message, but that's usually because I like to keep most of them in my inbox for me to scroll through when I'm feeling low

Do you respond to hate messages?

Not usually I've developed a skill of sensing the vibes of a message and blocking the user without reading the message so don't bother sending me paragraphs about how much you hate me It won't be read and then you've just wasted your time dumbass Plus I have a shit memory anyways

How do you make the coloured fonts?

I followed screampied's tutorial, it's on their faq I use stuffbydavid

Do you have a tag list?

No, I don't do tagging unfortunately It’s a lot of work which I can’t afford to do right now

Will you be making dark content often?

Probably not frequently, but it’s certainly a possibility. I won’t restrain myself because of a minority of people’s own discomfort.

Will you ever write for Yuta?

No.

Where do you get your 18+ mdni dividers from?

@fic-dumpster a real goldmine. full credit to them!

[mirrorcatcreditcard]

Running list of Luka fans/enjoyers for those of you struggling to find mutuals in this fandom who hates his guts:

(note, this is an updating list and both people and descriptions will update as I either get to know these people or just add them to the list)

@muchanmocha

Most based 🔛🔝 Luka (and general Alien Stage) analyzer, like holy shit I freak when they drop sum

@ryminsteddiesashanne

Their blog name is "Infernal Luke Syndrome Haver." Do I need to explain?

@pestilencesingsyouforward (main blog of lukanumber1fan)

Will rant about him, has nice energy

@thermodynamic-comedian

He's just really cool idk how to explain it but this's a nice Luka fan right here

@aakaneeee

Theorist, fanartist

@lukanumber1fan (side blog of pestilencesingsyouforward)

It's in the name, what description do you want from me?

@mizinthropy [ACCOUNT HAS DISAPPEARED]

Consumes and shares the content as god intended

@sotogalmo

OP doesn't follow/they were recommended in comments (you'll have to figure out yourself); they do appear to keep thorough notes on characters

@oxianna

Luka defender

@iri-desky

Leans towards the theorist/analyzer side (from what I've seen). Tbh, they're an honorary mention because I stay up thinking about the Luka analysis post we shared.

@vaellusvitutus

They don't post about Luka often, but they're based and have critical thought going on concerning him (which is better than most of the fandom).

@galaxynajma

Luka enjoyer

@bunderies

Analyzer, fanfic writer, (probably more)

@babygirlluka

Luka fanpage

@satosuguhastakenovermylife

Idk tbh but they think he's gorgeous 🫡 (which is ofc the correct opinion)

@enden-k

Silly fanartist and theorist. Fun to watch create/talk.

@mirrorcatcreditcard

Stan, theorist, analyzer. Would be an apologist if vibing in the controversy wasn't more fun.

@sapphicjellifish

In their own words: "i really like luka analyzing"

@jokersjunkpile

Self-defined Luka enjoyer, relatively nice blog vibes

@maodear

Sweet person with plenty of Luka thoughts in all their Alien Stage thoughts.

Take some complimentary Luka art to-go because this world is a cold, dark place without him.

P.S. Sorry about the pings 🫰 if they annoyed you too much, instead of blocking me (because I crave Luka moots) please allow me to pay you back in a the form of a Luka oneshot

P.P.S. If you want to be removed or have an idea of someone who should be added, just comment or send me a message, and I'll update.

[nectardaddy]

OH CAPTAIN, MY CAPTAIN  . . . single dad! meian + f!reader

                              DELETE DELETE DELETE 

✮⋆˙ notes/CWs - suggestive, 17+ to read, language, meian is insanely flirty, formatted differently than my usual so lmk if we like it! I probably won't stick to it but I like it in this instance :), not proofread bc I'm lazy sorry, dedicated to the wonderful, amazing, best friend forever @nekozaki who truly outdid herself for my secret santa gift so I'm here returning the favor!! you're amazing ellie thank you for being such a wonderful person and writer, I hope you enjoy <33

Re: today is awful  From: Meian Shūgo I can make your day 10 times better if you come over tonight ;)

The woman stared down at the email with baited breath, held it so long she thought she might get dizzy. Until finally a strangled breath passed her lips, filled her lungs before she swallowed harshly. Over and over, she read the sentence; over and over until her heart surged to her throat with her cheeks hot. 

He sent that to her work email. 

A cheeky habit the pair had, emailing each other. A nice surprise to see kind, often silly emails, throughout the day - sometimes he sent pictures from practice, but more often than not he sent terrible dad jokes - so she always replied. Normally, she would send an update about her day, and he would always reply with an endearing message back. But today was different, today was spicy; Meian had a fire underneath him and didn't mind the consequences. 

She pulled her bottom lip between her teeth as she swiped away from the email; torn between wanting to smile and wanting to tear him apart for sending something like that. Her fingers were quick to find his contact and hit call, and she decided to draw and quarter him the moment he picked up. 

The man was at practice around this time, and she knew he had slinked himself away just to answer - which only made her more riled. He answered because he knew what the call was about, no doubt.

“You got my email, didn't you?” A coy question that made her stomach drop and twist in knots; the man had the unique affinity of leaving her breathless. “You miss me that much, sweetheart?” His voice was laced with a faux sense of sympathy, a teasing aura muddled behind a true care and compassion for the woman.

“You can't send shit like that through a work email, Meian!” A hushed tone as she put force behind the man's name, which only made a chuckle sound from the other end of the line. ��Oh yeah, laugh it up, those emails are screened by the way. Let's not forget I work at a school.” 

“It wasn't even that bad,” he reasoned. “So put the family name away, I could've sent a lot worse.” 

“I bet you could've, jackass,” she rolled her eyes at his brashness. Her eyes flickered up to the closed door of her classroom, then to the clock on the back end of the wall. At least he knew the times when people weren't in her classroom, that was the only redeeming arc of it all. “Not the point though. Use your brain before you send an email like that again. Think to yourself: is this helpful, is this kind, will it get flagged by my girlfriend's work because I don't know how to contain myself?” 

Another chuckle, and she let out a loud groan. “Pretty hot when you use that tone with me,” he chided, she could practically hear him smirking through the line. “You should use it when-” 

“Dear god, don't finish that sentence right now.” She closed her eyes and groaned once more, and the twinge of exhaustion that settled upon her was apparent even over the phone. He frowned once the tone had shifted, although she couldn't see it. 

“Alright, alright, I'm sorry.” Spoken genuinely, with a small breath, before she heard him smile again. “‘Love you.” 

There was a small pause, one she could’ve excused as poor signal, but didn’t as she took a sharp inhale. The pair had just recently shared the intimacy of such words of adoration, pouring their hearts out on a drunken escapade that spilled over into the next day, and the day after that. The freshness of the statement still made her stomach fill with butterflies and her cheeks hot; for once, she was glad he wasn’t around to see just how flustered he made her. 

“I love you, too.”

She heard him hum just before the loud bang of a door swinging open on his end rang through. “I’ve been found,” he chuckled, “I’ll talk to you later, alright?” 

“Have fun at practice, Shū.” Instead of his own voice ringing through; however, another took its place. Farther back from the phone, as if they were in front of the man she wished to speak to, and loud - obnoxious. 

“Holy fuck is that your girlfriend? Let me talk to her!”

The click of the call ending was loud, and she only chuckled when she took the phone from her ear. 

3 new notifications from Shū ❤️🏐  never said I wouldn't text you though [image attachment] you should still come over 😏 I can make you forget all about your bad day

taglist (open, send an ask)

@causenessus @softpia @renardiererin @kodzu-ken @phoenix-eclipses

@wyrcan @honeekyuu @wakashudou @wolffmaiden @eggyrocks 

@yogurtkags @bakery-anon @totallytatum @mollyrolls @standcom 

@jadeoru @hyunteru @kameyyy @nekozaki @sandwhitches

@knightofwands-upright @angelichwv @a-girl-cant-decide-on-a-name @arusio

[lets-try-some-writing]

I wonder what was Mars reaction to humans sending him rovers the first time. i imagine Earth probably warned him in advance that humans planned on sending him something (Sojourner was the first sent if i believe correctly) and he knowing what humans are like prepared for the worst definitely

Mars: I really hope this thing won't infect me with anything..

Sojourner: *beeps*

Mars:

Sojourner:*starts collecting rocks*

Mars:

Moon: Earth asks if you're al- *senses Mars em field*Are you crying??

Mars: *deep in fatherhood*No *he is*

This is adorable and it deserves a mini fic. Enjoy.

━━━━━━ ⊙ ❖ ⊙ ━━━━━━━━━━━━

Mars always told himself he didn’t mind the solitude. He was near his brother and close enough to Mortus—or rather Pluto—to feel content with himself. Sometimes Halley came to visit, which was always a pleasant surprise. It was not often someone immune to the rust corroding him happened to be both nearby and actually interested in communication. Earth was certainly nice enough, and Mars eagerly awaited her every message when she saw fit to reach out to him or use Moon as a proxy.

Moon. Mars. Pluto. He would never fully adjust to the new names given to them by his brother’s beloved Terra. Personally, he preferred his Cybertronian name, but he would never dare say as such aloud. Mortus didn’t care, and Fengari, his elder brother, would be prone to lash out if Mars ever voiced his objection to his new name. Not only that, but he wasn’t keen on making Terra upset. 

How many vorns had he been in orbit around the Unmaker and the life giving Titan who shielded him? It was hard to keep track without any citizens on his surface to constantly chatter to and about him.

Right. Citizens.

Being in his alternate mode, Mars was incapable of sighing as he wanted to. But as he took control over one of his drones and piloted it to the surface, he let the drone pause and linger on the view. Why had he lived while his wards died? It was not fair. He should have carried them until the very end, bringing them to salvation and away from the fires of Cybertron.

If only there hadn’t been plague. Maybe then he could at least have the chance to take on new citizens and ease the ache in his spark.

No, no. He couldn’t think like that. Contemplating such things almost always led to dark thoughts. It was not allowed. He had to stay calm and composed for Fengari. His poor brother was blind for Prima’s sake. Fengari lost his optics, his citizens, and his ability to take to the stars if he so desired in order to stay with Earth. Fengari suffered more. It was not Mars’s place to weep when he at least had remnants of his people upon his frame in the form of paintwork.

He still had them with him, in his spark and through the echoes they left upon his surface. Sweet Solus, many of their inner habitations were still untouched. He’d ensured it remained that way.

He still had relics. He had echos. He was fine. He had no reason to cry.

Right?

“Primus, our maker... we are so far from you. Can you hear us? Do our sparks still resonate with yours?” He spoke through his drone, letting his voice ring out with only a slight bit of static due to the corrosion of his vessel. He sighed as he received no answer, not that he really expected one. He stared though his drone in silence for a while, the quiet of the void all but deafening.

If he listened closely with his real body, he could hear the faint song of stars, the thrum of their very being radiating nearby. Earth’s Star had quite the pleasant melody. Enough for him to fall into recharge.

But he couldn’t allow that. If he slumbered, he may not wake. Instead, he endured the silence, the isolation. Perhaps Mortus would be kind enough to come and pay him a visit during one of his patrols. 

‘Mars? I have news.’

He stalled for a moment as waves of emotion crashed against him. Mars had to pause to translate the EM field communication he found himself assaulted with. Young Terra was not the most educated in matters of gentle or polite correspondence, but she could most certainly be heard.

‘Earth, it is  a pleasure to hear from you. What news do you have for me?’

He tried to keep his communication controlled and neutral. But as he sent back a response, he sensed something coming near to him. It had been heading in his direction for a while, but for the longest time he’d simply assumed it to be space debris. Looking more closely, it appeared to be some kind of device.

‘My children have created a drone of sorts. They are sending it to your surface to analyze you. Do not fear; the drone appears to be insignificant and designed purely for observation. I simply wished to warn you.’ 

Mars almost stiffened, but he forced himself to relax so that his surface would not shift as the thing drew closer. Without a second thought, he moved his drone as far from the potential landing site as he could get without losing track of this incoming drone that was apparently headed his way. He forgot to send a reply for a long while as he watched the thing draw ever nearer.

Earth’s humans were such deadly and destructive beings when they were left unchecked. Mars had witnessed the horrors himself when he watched them drop bombs all over poor Terra’s surface. Even now, the wounds still brought her pain from time to time. 

What would happen if her humans found him to be of use for some grand scheme? Would they harm him too? Mars was a Titan; he could survive if he had to. But he would rather not expose himself and, consequently, his kin to Earth’s destructive little scraplet farm. Why she loved them so dearly was beyond him.

‘Thank you for the warning.’ 

He eventually sent back curtly as he watched the drone finally land on his surface. It felt so very strange to have a new entity roaming his frame. Halley rarely landed, and when she did, her very frame eliminated warmth like a young star barely contained within living metal. This thing was cold, but not necessarily in a wicked sense. It seemed... almost like a protoform, yet lacking a spark. The emotions were familiar, the feeling of potential almost overwhelming.

Mars stared through his drone, his very spark flaring in its chamber as ancient desire rose within him. The drone was tiny, barely the size of the smallest newsparks that he had nurtured before the fires of Cybertron. And yet, as he looked upon the small wheeled entity roaming and prodding at rocks and pebbles like they were the most interesting thing on this side of the galaxy, Mars, or rather, Bellum’s spark, swelled with love.

The ache that had long burned within his core seared as he gazed upon the youth of the small thing roaming his surface. So small. So pure. So full of potential. 

Ancient coding sang within him, and before Bellum knew it, his drone moved just a bit closer, although still out of view. This one did not appear to be affected by the rust of his surface. It roamed freely, without a care in the world. Such innocence… Bellum needed to guard it.

Had Earth’s humans sent him this little gift out of kindness? No. They couldn’t have. They did not know he lived. And yet, he couldn’t help the way every part of his processors screamed at him to accept the offering. Such things were done for the sake of an alliance between Titans back on Cybertron. Old habits died hard, and Bellum could hardly contain himself as he fought the urge to have his drone snatch the Earth-born drone and drag it toward his core so he could connect to it intimately.

He couldn’t expose himself. Not yet. But Bellum was a patient being. Let the humans explore through their gift. His scans indicated that the poor drone wouldn’t last more than a few years without maintenance. He would wait until the humans abandoned it, and then, when all was done, he would finally have a chance to serve his purpose once more.

“Sweet little roamer, do not fear. You may not understand now, but soon, when your creators have let you fly away from them, I will take you under my wing.” He all but purred, keeping his vocalizations below the range of the drone as he observed it. 

“You will not know fear. You will suffer no illness. I will give you a spark, and when the time is right, I will make you into something more.” His spark flared in affection as the tiny Earth-born gathered rocks, observing and producing soft sounds of affirmation as it went. What a lovely voice it would have once Bellum granted it a spark. 

He could hardly wait.

‘Mars, are you in distress?’ 

Fengari, Moon, whatever designation he went by, sent a message that snapped Mars back to attention. Only after he refocused did he realize he’d been sending out waves upon waves of countless emotions in short, and likely unsetting bursts. His brother’s concerns made sense now.

‘I am perfectly fine, brother. In fact, I feel better than I have in millennia.’

Confusion met Mars’s response. He didn’t pay it much mind as he continued to observe the drone upon his surface. It was just so small. 

‘Let Terra know that so long as more of these drones are sent to me, she shall have my full allegiance.’ 

Shock met him this time, but Mars merely hummed. He had something to hope for now, and he had no intention of missing a single moment of his new firstborn’s life. He would have to get his visual images printed at some point for the little one to see once they developed mentally.

“Explore to your spark’s content, sweet roamer. I shall wait for you.” Mars felt his frame ease and a faint song escape his true vocalizer as he watched the small drone pick up a rock and stare at it.

Soon. Soon he would be a Sire again.

[the-bi-space-ace]

A Few Days

Summary: Echo has a tough mission and finds himself flying to Pabu in search of comfort and reassurance from people he has missed. Fluff and snuggles follow.

I said I would write it and it took some time but I finally did it 🥰

Fic based off of this artwork by @foxwithadarkside

tagging @saturn-sends-hugs @floundrickthewayfarer @phantom-of-the-501st @writingmonet @renton6echo because I think you might like this one <3

It wasn’t often Tech had to fix his legs and his scomp at the same time but the recent mission he’d returned from had beaten him to his end. Echo didn’t always get to come back to Pabu but something in him ached to see the rest of his family again, even if it was just for a few days. He hadn’t warned any of them other than a quick message to Tech moments before he exited hyperspace. His voice would’ve cracked if he heard their voices without being able to be there with them, and he’d rather not give them more reasons to worry. Tech had met him, greeting him with a big smile and a strong hand on his shoulder. The relief he felt just by seeing Tech’s face was enough to lighten some of the load he was carrying.

The rest of the batch hadn’t heard he was on Pabu yet, all of them off doing their own things somewhere on the island. He could wait a few hours to see them, he’d waited long enough already, but that ache stung a little more as he chatted with Tech on the way to the house the batch had made their own. It was cooler than he expected, or maybe it was just his adrenaline wearing off, when he took his prosthetics off to let Tech take a look. He’d looked younger as he brushed grime off of the metal, eyes widening with thought, already falling into a long explanation about what exactly he was going to do to make them work better. 

Not that long ago Tech left him to get some tools, grab Hunter and Wrecker, and track down the rest of their little crew. Which left Echo alone to settle into one of the bedrooms off of the hallway.  

It was a nice house, although a bit too cool for him as the night began to set in. Echo stayed there as often as he could, some of his stuff - a few sweaters and t-shirts - even strewn about as if someone had been wearing his clothes while he was gone. He didn’t mind, almost preferred it. It made the distinct scent of home settle in his bones as he picked a red sweater up off of the ground next to the bed. It was a gift from Wrecker back when he first joined. One of Wrecker’s old sweaters that he’d given to Echo so he felt more ‘at home.’ The gesture was nice, even if that thing reached his knees, and it had easily become one of Echo’s favorite pieces of clothing. The cool air was chilling him to the bone now, goosebumps popping up over his skin. He felt the soft fabric between his fingers. It was often stored away for sleeping, or when they traveled anywhere more frigid, but that feeling pulsed in him again and he suddenly had to get it on. 

He peeled off his shirt and let it fall to the floor below then slid the sweater over his head and breathed a deep sigh of relief. The sweater warmed him a bit more, settling him as he thought of the next few days. A few days to recharge, a few days to sleep and eat and talk with the batch. A few days.

The patter of footsteps took his attention, head turning just enough that he could attempt to see who was stomping up the front steps. A set of two, one much smaller than the other, grew in tandem with their voices as the front door to the home opened. 

“You just don’t want to admit that I’m right!” Omega said, indignant as ever. Echo leaned forward now to try and get the hallway into view but all he could see was the door frame.

“Or maybe you should learn to listen to your elders.” Crosshair snarked. No doubt they’d been at that for awhile. Crosshair had a way of getting under just about everyone’s skin. 

“Technically, I’m older-” 

“Technically- you sound like Tech.” 

“So what if I-” 

“Are you two going to argue the whole time I’m here?” Echo asked, grinning as the argument went quiet. A second passed then there was a loud commotion as those peaceful footsteps turned into running - and probably shoving - as they rushed down the hallway to investigate the voice. The two of them nearly fell through the doorway, almost trampling over each other to win some silent race to get to their destination first. 

Omega caught sight of Echo, her eyes widening as she saw him, gasping. “Echo!” Omega exclaimed, shoving past Crosshair and running over to him with her arms outstretched. His own smile must’ve matched hers as he scooped her off of the ground, groaning as he lifted her up onto his lap with one arm, hugging her as tightly as he could. 

His eyes stung but he couldn’t stop smiling, holding her tight as she pressed her face into his neck. It had been so long. Maybe he’d left too long between visits. He’d been so caught up that he hadn’t realized how badly he missed them until he needed to see them immediately. 

Omega pulled back from him, beaming. “Nobody told me you were coming home!” 

“I didn’t know until I was almost here.” Echo answered honestly. She slid off of his lap to stand in front of him, his hand still resting on her arm. “I needed a good break. You could show me what trouble you’ve been up to.” 

“Oh it’s plenty of trouble.” Crosshair stood not too far away, arms folded over his chest while he pretended not to be pleased to see him. 

Echo grinned up at the man, dressed now in light, loose fabrics, and chewing on a toothpick. Some things never change. “I’m sure she gets it all from you.” 

Crosshair huffed in amusement. “I wouldn’t be pointing fingers if I were you. You’re at least half of the blame.” 

“Half?!” Echo shook his head at the accusation, already pulling Omega back into a hug that she eagerly returned. “Don’t listen to him, I’m sure you’re an angel. And you get it all from me, right?” 

She laughed as she turned her head to narrow her eyes at Crosshair. “Every bit.” As if on command the two of them stuck their tongues out at each other and Echo had to roll his eyes. Children. “Sorry about-” She tugged on the red sleeve, eyes glancing up at him. “We… we missed you.” Ah. He’d figured as much. 

“That’s alright, sweetheart.” Echo assured her, readjusting so he could rest his cheek on the top of her head. Crosshair had inched closer but was still a bit too far away for Echo to greet, smiles growing as their eyes met. She pulled away before plopping down next to him, leaning heavily onto his side as he tossed his arm around her shoulders. It had definitely been too long. 

“Ya cold or something?” Crosshair asked with a nod towards the sweater.

“All that adrenaline is wearing off.” Echo sighed as he leaned back against the wall. “You know how it is.” Crosshair hummed, something twinkling behind his eyes that only spelled trouble. 

“Well if you’re cold,” Crosshair strolled forward and it set Echo on edge, watching his movements for ‘danger’ as Omega tucked herself closer to Echo’s side. With what must’ve been a coordinated attack Omega laid on his arm to hold him hostage while Crosshair jumped onto the bed next to them. Echo startled and instinctively tried to protect himself despite having nowhere to go. Hopeless is what it was. Crosshair had his cold fingers up the hem of the sweater well before Echo had any control of the situation, drawing a yelp out of him as those icy hands chilled his already cool skin. 

Son of a bitch! 

Leave it to Crosshair to wait until he wasn't in danger of getting whacked by his scomp to pull something like this. Echo shivered as the two of them laughed. Betrayed. He’d been betrayed by his own family. Those frigid digits retreated, self satisfied smirk on Crosshair’s face as if he’d just won some competition.

“Hello, Crosshair. Great to see you again.” Echo groaned as he leaned his head back against the wall. 

“It’s been too long. I haven’t gotten to bother you in ages.” Crosshair plopped his chin into his hand, those mischievous eyes twinkling like they always did. The other arm remained tucked around his middle. 

“We’ll have some time to make up for it.” Echo grumbled, even as a smile wormed its way into his words. He sighed, looking between the two of them as they watched him. He’d really missed them. That stinging was in his eyes again so he leaned his head back to avoid watching them, avoiding getting too emotional to cover it up. “I was comfortable, you made me cold again.” Crosshair hummed then a silence followed and Echo grew suspicious again, now wary of the position he’d found himself in. 

“Don’t struggle.” The joy in Crosshair’s voice was enough of a hint. 

Echo’s eyes shot down to them as Omega’s grip on his arm tightened, her face pushing into his side. “What’re you- no!” It was too late. Crosshair had gripped the hem of his sweater and was shoving his whole head under it. There wasn’t much room to wiggle but Echo did his best, trying to avoid whatever evil intentions Crosshair had. 

“I said don’t struggle.” Crosshair scolded as he flopped sideways onto the bed and shifted around, head shoving into Echo’s ribs. Turns out ‘evil intentions’ meant snuggles. 

“You’re so weird.” Echo complained, not amused by Omega’s muffled giggles at their bickering. Crosshair eventually settled down on his back, half shoved into the sweater and resting half way on Echo’s lap and stomach. The sweater was big enough to accommodate them both at least, stretching to cover most of them. Content that he wasn’t going to get any more icicles shoved onto his bare skin Echo settled down, allowing the other two to snuggle closer to him in the rapidly dimming light. 

“Warmer?” Crosshair asked. Echo huffed but didn’t deny it, feeling more than hearing Crosshair’s chuckle. “Big baby.” Echo’s jaw dropped in offense. 

“I’m not the-” He sighed, directing his next question at Omega who was doing her best to look innocent. “Is he just as annoying when I’m gone?”

“Worse.” She admitted. That certainly wasn’t shocking. She lowered her voice as if it would cut Crosshair out of their conversation. “He won’t admit it but he misses you.” There was a tsk from under the fluffy mound.

“Aw.” Echo teased. 

“Traitor.” The fluffy sweater mound shuffled to get a little more comfortable. A few fingers prodded at the sensitive skin on his side to make him squirm, a reluctant laugh escaping before Crosshair gave up and settled down again. “How long are you staying?” The question was quiet, mumbled, and Echo had to swallow the lump in his throat before he answered. 

“Few days. Enough time to get on my feet again.” They fell silent. Something sad coiled in his gut. Missing them had been the hardest part. Each time leaving grew more difficult. Seeing them all start to grow older, become different people as time paved its way forward. Holos didn’t do it justice. After a moment Omega rubbed her cheek on the fabric of his sweater. 

“At least we get you for a little while.” She whispered, yawning into her fist before snuggling even closer. Echo tightened his arm around her. A little while. At least, after everything, he still had them. At least he still had Rex. At least he still had his family. 

Echo stared at the motionless little lump under his sweater, smiling to himself as he leaned down towards it. “I missed you, too.” He whispered to where he guessed Crosshair’s head was. He got nothing but a hum and the feeling of Crosshair’s body tightening into a smaller ball, cuddling closer as if to wrap himself around Echo’s middle. He let the quiet of the night settle in around them then, even if he wanted to keep them talking. They’d have some time to catch up before he went.

After all, he had a few days. 

[my-secret-shame-but-fanfiction]

A Collared Lamb [1]

Robbie Paulson x afab!Reader • Rating: 18+ pals Masterlist• ao3• want to be tagged? | request info • Kinktober 2024 Masterlist • Kinktober 2023 Masterlist • Day 14: BDSM

Summary: Robbie goes to a club.

A/N: This was meant to be for kinktober 2023 (I'm so sorry). A massive thank you to @thexsanctuaryx for saving my butt yet again and beating.

Warnings: BDSM clubs, nerves, drinking, please let me know if I have missed a warning!

Word Count: 953

Robbie shifts a little nervously in his seat, holding his beer bottle a fraction too tightly in his hand. 

It was his first time in the club, The Collared Lamb, and part of him had regretted it instantly. 

Everyone was beautiful, stunning in their BDSM attire. There were a few people like him, dressed more ordinarily. But not many. 

He shouldn’t have been so worried about sticking out, he should have had the guts to at least wear something, maybe then someone would approach him. 

Everyone had different coloured wristbands to choose from when they came in, so it was easier to show what you were there for. He had chosen a light blue one - sub, and a bright green - available. 

This was such a bad idea, such a stupid idea just to rock up. Most people knew each other, or at least had spoken briefly to new people on the online message board. Most people introduced themselves there before they went for the first time. Robbie had meant to, he really had. He’d wanted to, he’d tried. But he just couldn’t make himself hit send. 

He hadn’t even been planning on going tonight. He shouldn’t have-

“Hi,” your voice makes him jump, he hadn’t noticed to come over and lean against the bar. 

“Oh, hi.” His voice comes out weaker than he wanted.

“Sorry, I didn’t mean to make you jump.” You smile warmly. Oh god, you were beautiful. 

“No, sorry, I just… lost in thought.” He smiles shyly, briefly looking down to your wrist. Bright green and red - dom. He shivers. 

“First time here?” You ask kindly and he nods. “I thought so, I hope you don’t mind me saying but you seem a little shy, plus I haven’t seen you here before.” 

“You come here often?” He blurts out and then inwardly winces, but you giggle, nodding and the tension in his shoulders relaxes slightly. 

“Yeah, it’s got a nice vibe. Lots of friendly people.” You give him that warm smile again. 

He nods, “It seems like a nice vibe… I saw some stuff on the message board… I’m… I’ve been lurking there a bit.” Robbie fiddles with the label on his beer bottle as he talks. “I’m sort of… a bit…”

“You don’t have a lot of experience.” You say kindly. 

He meets your eyes and nods again. “Yeah,” he looks a little bashful. “I’m green.” He pauses then and laughs softly, holding up his wrist. “I mean, I’m green as in new, not,” he gestures to the band. 

“I get it.” You give him a grin, leaning a little closer. “I mean, I’m green too.” You raise your wrist. “As in the band, not in experience.” 

He shivers, lost for a moment in your eyes, then swallows. “I, um,” he stammers, his heart beating so fast he thinks he might pass out. “I… you’re so pretty, no, I didn’t mean to say that, not that you aren’t pretty, you’re beautiful, I mean, fuck.” He screws up his eyes, and squeezes his hands into fists to focus. 

It’s okay,” you giggle, “I like being told I’m beautiful, especially by someone as gorgeous as you.” 

Robbie opens his eyes quickly, blinking hard. His skin a little flushed. “You, um… you think…?” 

“I do.” You take the seat next to him and nod at the barman, who starts to work on your regular order.

He bites his lip as he smiles and takes a swig of his beer. “Thank you.” He says quietly. 

“Can I ask you a question?” 

He looks up and nods eagerly. 

“Your name?” 

His blush deepens, “Oh, it’s Robbie. Sorry, I should have said.”

You shake your head and then tell him your name, he repeats it slowly like he is savouring the sound. 

“So, you said you’re pretty new to this, how new are we talking?” 

He squirms a little in his seat, the sound of your voice and strength of your gaze is already sending a shiver down his spine. He doesn’t want to disappoint you. “I… well, I mean, I know there’s not lots of subs that are guys…” 

“There’s more than you’d think.” You say reassuringly and he brightens. “A lot of switches too.” 

He nods, “I just sort of… well, I don’t have a ton of experience in anything.” He’s not quite sure why he’s saying so much, just letting the words fall out of his mouth like a river. “But I always felt like, like this is something I wanted.” He shifts in his seat a little. “But, not in a…” he chews his lip as he thinks hard, trying to place the right words together. “I think a sort of soft dom is what I’d like…” He looks up at you a little timidly.

“I would agree.” You say. The barman puts your drink down and you thank him. 

“You would?” He tilts his head to the side. 

“I would,” you smile and take a sip, enjoying how he watches you raise the glass to your lips. “You don’t strike me as the kind of sub that needs a hard dom, you need… to be taken care of.” 

Heat flushes along his skin. “Yeah, I’d… that’s what I’d like.” He takes another long sip and puts his hand on the bar, practically in the middle of both of you, a little nervous twitch in his fingers. 

Slowly, you put your hand next to his, lightly placing your fingers on top of his and giving him plenty of time to move out of the way if he chooses. 

He leaves his hand exactly where it is, smiling softly when your skin touches and looking up at you with shining eager eyes.

Thank you for reading!

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[sweetbillwriting]

Way Out of Line

FOURTEEN

Character: Keith Toshko from Barbarian (2022) played by Bill Skarsgård.

Warnings: 18+, NSFW, heavy themes.

I was too young to see how much our life changed in the time we moved to the house we live in now. It had slowly just come over me that our cars were a bit more fancy than others, that my clothes were in finer materials, and I got anything I pointed at. I was 11 and my dad's girl. Daddy's little girl. I just thought he spoiled me because he saw I needed it in a vulnerable time in my life, but in reality, the money in his bank account had decreased many times over.

I started to collect shells when I was twelve. It started modestly on a beach in San Francisco but grew to me getting one nice shell from every beach we visited. We went on at least one vacation a year, but most often two or even three times. My parents often said we were worthy of that, like we were a bit more special than everyone else. I didn't reflect on how much it cost to travel to Barcelona or Sri Lanka. I could see now how it has made me lose contact with money's value but also life's obstacles.

I heard friends and others stress about work and education while I shrugged my shoulders and picked some college courses to pass the time. I didn't have any thought about what it would lead to. I said to people I wanted to be an actress, and it would have been nice, but I knew I didn't have enough of an interest to really fight for it. I didn't really have enough interest to fight for anything because I had never needed to fight. I had a rich dad. I thought.

My dad had a young man behind him with more money than any man in his twenties should have. Keith had told me his mom had never been a part of his life, leaving him and his aging father as a family of two. His dad died when he was twenty of a heart attack and left him 50% of a billion-dollar company. His older cousins had already stepped in for their aging father, Keith's uncle, and there wasn't any need for the young Keith to take on all that responsibility. He chose to stay in the shadows, trusting his cousins and letting the money fly into his account without doing any work.

When he told me his backstory, I had mostly felt sorry for him for losing his family so early in life. I didn't reflect that hard over all those billions because I thought my life was economically safe anyway. I had never thought it was Keith who more or less supported our whole family. I didn't know he was the owner of the practice. I had no idea the practice had been close to bankruptcy several times, but my dad continued to live like nothing happened because he had someone else solving his problems, someone just putting new money into the company.

Dad spoiled me, and as a thank you, I was an easy child and an easy teenager. I dressed up and acted like the perfect daughter, the perfect doll. Daddy's little girl.

Whose doll was I? The man who made me a perfect doll or the man paying for it?

“I'll send you the bill.”

Would my dad get a bill if I continued to spread my legs for Keith? Being his girl. Daddy's little girl?

×××

I hear my parents trying to get people to leave without being rude, but my mom couldn't keep up the facade and sounded mean and stressed. Farah sent me a message, wondering what was happening because my parents hadn't let her say goodbye to me. I lay in my bed, still with a hand on my cheek. It felt like I hung on the edge of a cliff and just waited for my body to give up so I could fall. I didn't have anyone who would help me up either. I had no one I could truly trust.

“Jaqueline!” Shouted my mom from downstairs. I had heard everyone leave, and now it was just me and my parents left. Not even Jason had stayed; he had his own family and probably didn't have the energy to deal with this. Maybe he would have felt differently if he knew what it was all about.

“Jaqueline! Come down now!” Shouted my mom again, upset. It burned in my cheek when I heard her voice. I had never thought any of my parents would hit me, and that she had done that made me question everything. Maybe they could do more than that. Maybe it was just me who never challenged them enough.

Even if I felt a strong anxiety and fear, I walked down to them, afraid they would be even more upset if I refused to talk to them.

My mom stood and waited for me by the stairs. It was obvious she stood there because she would lead me to my father. Her face was frozen like stone, her eyes empty of emotions. I didn't look at her for long; instead, I turned to the living room because it was there they had had serious talks with me before, rarely about my behavior though. My mom walked behind me like she believed I would turn and try to run, but I knew that wouldn't solve a thing.

In the living room, my father paced around in circles, scratching his goatee, stressed. He didn't look as upset as Mom but much more stressed. When he looked up at me, I could see how pale he was and his skin all clammy. He looked sick, and I guess he maybe was sick of the thought of his friend together with his daughter.

My mom just scared me, but when I looked at my dad, I actually felt ashamed, but it wasn't just that I had had an affair with Keith that probably bothered him. His secret was also out. He was a fraud. He had never been a successful man, and he had never been the man creating our safe life.

“Sit—sit down,” he said to me and made a motion to the couch closest to me. I walked slowly to it, feeling my mom still walking close behind me. I looked between them, my mom's eyes hard, my dad avoiding my gaze. I swallowed hard and sat down, waiting for the verdict.

My mom sat down on the other corner of the couch and looked at my dad, who still walked nervously in front of us.

“I-... I-...” My dad just said, and shut his eyes. After a deep breath, he sat down on the coffee table and looked at me with glassy eyes.

“You can never see him again.”

I waited for him to say something more, but that was the only thing he said, and he waited for me to answer. I nodded, mostly because I wished that would please him and he would let me go. He nodded once, and his face hardened to a determined grimace. It looked like that was enough for him, but my mom started to move restlessly.

“George! I hope you will say more than that! We can't trust her!”

My parents looked at each other with the same expressions they had looked at me.

“You must fix this! You must make everything right with Keith again! We can lose everything, and she can't be out there destroying it!”

My mom's voice was loud and shrill. I continued to look at my parents while my heart beat harder for every word my mom said. My dad dragged his hands through his hair harder and harder until he was forced to stand up again and walk around. Now it was I who felt sick with the feeling of betrayal. The only thing worse than my parents making a big thing of me and Keith's relationship was that they wouldn't make a big thing out of it. It was obvious it wasn't my relationship with him that was the biggest problem; it was that they could lose their money. I could understand why they felt like that; I could even feel the same thing. I didn't want to lose my life.

I heard a bang and looked up, seeing my dad hitting his fist in the wall. The anger must have come from nowhere, but it was obvious my mom's words had made an impact on him because he pointed a finger at me and said with a low, angry voice.

“You will never see him again. I want your phone, laptop, and car keys. You will not have any more contact with him. You understand?”

I looked at him with big eyes and nodded like the good girl I was. I could see that was the best thing. I could see it was the best thing for them, but probably even for me in the long run. It was my family, and I needed to give up Keith for their sake. That's how it is to have a family. You must think about what's best for everyone before just your own luck.

Even if I gave away my things without a fuss to my dad, it didn't mean I wanted to do it; I just felt I needed to. Alone in my bed that night, I cried soundlessly. I would stand behind my family even if I didn't trust my parents anymore, and I would leave the man I loved instead. Daddy's little girl.

Places, places, get in your places. Throw on your dress and put on your doll faces. Everyone thinks that we're perfect. Please don't let them look through the curtains… 

×××

Not having a phone or laptop as a student was difficult, so most of my time went to sitting by one of the library’s stationary computers. Everyone seeing me could see I had fallen from my pedestal because my face was puffy from all the tears and my eyes were empty, like I'd seen war and starvation up close. I didn't have much left in life, just Farah, but even she seemed to ignore me, probably because I wasn't the most fun person to be around.

Clair had stopped talking to me as soon as the sorority kicked me out. The friends I had in my French course had turned their other cheek to me after I had “used” Ludwig. And then Keith… Keith, who I had more or less lived with the latest month. My love.

My parents were oddly distant even if I've done everything they wanted, but I suspected they were just stressed over our future. My suspicion seemed to be right because after two weeks of the silence and my inner, lonely suffering, I heard them in a deep discussion after having come home from one more day of no school work in the library. I had just sat and stared like I often did, and now I was just as frozen in the hallway. They were in the kitchen and so deep in their conversation they didn't seem to have heard when I came through the door.

“He just sat in that chair, spinning around like a fucking child. He really doesn't understand money, fucking spoiled brat. He really doesn't know what it is to work for money.”

I heard my dad's upset voice a bit badly because of the bass in his voice but could hear my mom's voice clearer.

“Doing business with a man like that… Or man! He wasn't even a man when you decided to work with him. That was the worst decision you could have made!”

My parents talked like the business between my father and Keith had been equal, even if it was so obvious he had used a young Keith as a cash cow.

“So what should we do? Can't you try to appeal to his human side? He doesn't want to make a family homeless! Especially not if he actually had feelings for Jaqueline!" My mom continued, and I could feel the knot in my belly tighten when they talked about me and Keith.

“Homeless… We will never be homeless. I can take another job, but we might need to move to an apartment…”

“An apartment?! George, you must do something! What is even his plan?”

“Well… His divorce went through, so it's obvious he feels more free to make drastic financial decisions-”

“Did the divorce go through? How much did she get?”

“One million. 100,000 for every year they were married. She was probably worth it. Living with that greedy ass that long.”

“One million... That's insane, but I guess he liked being a free man too… Playing God and all.” My mom sighed. “You must talk with him again. We can't lose our home.”

My dad didn't answer because he probably didn't know how to solve it. Even if I sorrowed mine and Keith's love the most, I was also afraid of what he would do against us. Keith was a kind human, but I could also see that he had an irritation directed towards my parents; he had even called my mom slow. That I didn't give him any confirmation under the fight that night had probably made him hold a grudge towards me. I had chosen my parents' side, and if he had tried to contact me, I had ghosted him, not because I wanted to, but he might have believed that.

After a few minutes of calming my heart and listening to my parents' silence, I opened the door and closed it again with a loud sound. I didn't even really know why I did that because both my parents had left the kitchen, and they didn't acknowledge my presence until dinner, and then they just gave me a tired hello.

×××

I heard my parents discuss their desperate situation several times that week, and they got more and more upset every time. My dad talked in an angry panic while my mom cried. At the same time I still had my heartbreak and couldn't decide what foot I would stand on.

I sat and braided my hair on one more lonely Saturday night. Sometimes I braid it and remake it several times just to have something to do while staring into my own empty eyes in my gold-framed mirror. I didn't succeed in getting them as tight as I wanted, and I untangled them angrily.

“Should I help you?”

I looked at my door opening through the mirror and saw my mom in a velvet set in a deep petrol color. I looked back at her, surprised, but could also feel a warm feeling in my chest to finally get my mom's real attention.

“Yes, please.”

My mom brushed my long hair and then started to braid it high up on my head. I noticed she did it more carefully than she usually did. Both of us were silent while she worked, but when the hair ties were on, she looked me deep in the eyes through the mirror and then pulled up my phone from the front pocket of her zip hoodie. She laid it on my vanity table, and I stared at it, then at her.

“You get our blessing to see him. We've realized we overreacted. You're in love, and… Keith can give you a good life.”

I stared at her in shock. I hadn't expected that. I had prepared myself to never see Keith again and to never feel that sort of love again.

“You, you mean that?”

My mom nodded and gave me a stiff smile. She corrected the tie on one of the braids and gave a nod to the phone.

“You can call him.”

I snatched it up fast, afraid she would change her mind, and then I threw myself around her neck in euphoria.

“Thank you! Thank you! Thank you!”

My mom didn't say anything but hugged me back; when she released me, she gave me the same kind of stiff smile and patted my cheek.

“Call him.”

I smiled brightly and pushed the phone to my chest. I didn't think about why they suddenly accepted my involvement with Keith; I just thought about his green eyes, soft lips, and strong arms. I would be in his embrace again…

…He didn't answer. I had been so full of joy to finally be with him again that I totally forgot the chance that he would decline. I had rejected him in front of my parents when he defended me after my mother hit me. It wasn't strange that he didn't answer, but I looked at my phone like he was the one betraying me. My door opened carefully, and I could see my mom's face.

“Already done?”

I looked at her with shiny eyes and shrugged my shoulders.

“He didn’t answer…”

“Oh…” My mom swallowed hard and walked into the room. “Try again. Maybe he was doing something. Try again.” I was on my way to say I've already called twice when my phone rang and I saw the number ending with 78. When I beamed with a big smile, my mom did too. I shouldn’t have been reacting to that, but I was just so happy he called back that I forgot my mom altogether. I answered with shaky hands and a wobbly hello.

“Hey…” Said Keith carefully, like he was afraid of scaring me. I giggled at his awkwardness and heard him laugh low too. Everything was okay. He wasn't angry. Kind, sweet Keith. I didn't notice my mom leaving the room or her relieved face.

I heard Keith take a deep breath and make a humming sound. It felt like he just wanted me to say something so he could say his thing after that. The sound was so close, so soft, that I made my own exhalation, but it was shaking, and just a couple of seconds later I cried loudly.

“Baby…” said Keith comfortingly, and even in my crying fit my chest became warm by the word.

“I'm so sorry, I'm so sorry… I'm so sorry, Keith!” My words were hysterical and stressed, and he hushed me soothingly. It calmed me down, but I still felt the need to excuse my behavior.

“I should have picked you. I really should have picked you. I don't know why I didn't say anything; I was just so shocked by the revelation!”

“I get it, they're your parents…” He sounded so calm I got worried until he continued to talk. “Should I pick you up? So we can talk eye to eye?”

“Yeah…”

“Yeah? The regular place?” With the regular place, he meant where he used to get me, on the parallel street where my parents wouldn't see me jump into his car. I giggled and dried my tears with the back of my hand.

“Yeah… I'm ready whenever you want me to be.”

“I’ll come as soon as I can. Okay?”

Once again I made a little giggle.

“Okay… I, I love you.”

“I love you too, Bunny.”

×××

Keith sent me a message saying he had arrived and had parked by the yellow house. I knew what he meant, and if you had checked the history of our conversations, you would have seen him writing that many times before. I didn't do my makeup, but I put on a white skater dress and my sweetest perfume. I almost jumped down the stairs and gave the living room a fast look. My parents sat there, and my mom gave me a smile that was hard to read. My dad sat with his back towards me, and I was a bit happy he did. Going out to make out with his college friend was still a weird thought, even if he had allowed it. I gave them a fast bye and got one back from my mom but also a “Do everything you can to get him back!” I didn't listen because I was already on my way, running to Keith.

Keith already stood outside of the car when I came running towards him. He left the door open but met me with long strides in the middle of the street. I didn't know if it was me who jumped or he who opened his arms first, prepared to lift me, but I got caught in his arms, around his waist, when I came up to him. We hugged each other hard at first, but then our lips found each other, and we kissed like we needed the other one's air to breathe. I didn't know whether I should cry or laugh, so it became a mix of them both. Keith took my face in his hands and looked at me, trying to read my emotions, and I smiled at the warmth of being with him again and looking into his big eyes.

“Are you okay?” He asked and carefully put me down on the ground in front of him. I kept my hands on his chest, over the taupe-colored linen shirt he wore.

“I'm okay now. I've missed you so much. I don't understand why I didn't just go with you…” I looked down at his chest instead of his eyes. Keith didn't say anything, no calming words, so I looked at him nervously, afraid he would be upset. He nodded a little and laid one of his hands over mine.

“Let's get home and talk there. I think we need that.”

×××

I think both Keith and I really had the thought to talk when we came to his home. I sat in the car and imagined us drinking tea and opening up about our feelings and becoming a couple officially, but when Keith gave me an innocent kiss as we came in through the door, none of us could restrain ourselves, and we reached out after each other. We made out messily while pulling at each other's clothes, and Keith stood with his neck bent in an uncomfortable position until he gave up and lifted me from the floor. We didn't break our locked lips even then, and he carried me to the couch so he could sit down with me in his lap. His hands dragged over my naked thighs, and under my dress but didn't touch me where I wanted him the most. I didn't need to think much about undressing him because the buttonholes of his shirt must have been stretched out because with just our movement, his shirt was unbuttoned to the top of his belly. I could see the first lines of his abs, and I looked up at him with a smirk.

“What?” he asked with an innocent look.

“You don't need to flex like that,” I said with a giggle because it was obvious he had started to flex at once when I looked down on his torso. He chuckled a little and relaxed, but as soon as I started to unbutton the rest of the buttons, he flexed again. I giggled at him and gave him a kiss. It was sweet he did such things; there was still a young, a bit insecure man inside of him, and it made it easier for me to see us as equals. Keith smiled but took hold of my face, one big hand on every side, and steered my face while kissing me. It was a kiss from a man who had kissed many, many times before, and I was pleased with that. Unconsciously, I started to drag my center against his while we kissed and felt his hard member through his beige slacks. He moaned into my mouth and met my movement, rubbing his erection against me.

“Daddy…” I moaned, without thinking that I once again had given him the nickname, but I thought about it after, I could see that he was my only daddy. The only man who had really taken care of me. If I told someone else that, they would have looked at me with disgust, but for me it was obvious: Keith was my daddy who took care of me emotionally, financially, and sexually. I was his princess for real.

Keith pulled off his shirt and showed off a tanner body than I had seen before, then he looked at me with big eyes.

“Can I take off your dress, baby girl?” I smiled with a blush, so happy to be his baby girl again.

“Yes, Daddy.”

Keith smirked, pleased, giving me that darker look under his eyebrows. After having struggled with the zipper on my side, he pulled the thin garment off so I just had baby pink panties on, but I knew what he liked, so I pulled them off and straddled his hips again. I knew I would leave a wet stain on his pants, but I also knew he would like it. The rough fabric was both uncomfortable and erotic to have pushed against my pussy, but I was the most pleased when I could feel his erection searching for freedom under me. Keith sucked his lip and looked at me from top to toe, but his eyes stopped where the stain I was making became bigger and bigger.

“Do you want Daddy's cock?” He said with a raspy voice and laid me down on the couch so he could stand on his knees between my legs. I looked at him with big eyes and laid my hands over my head.

“I want your cock in my bum, Daddy.”

My cheeks were as red as the sweetest cherries and stretched down to my neck.

“In your ass?” Keith looked at me with big eyes and unbuttoned his pants, like he couldn't believe his ears but also was afraid to miss the chance.

“Yes, Daddy,” I smiled and laid my hands over my warm cheeks. I really wanted to do it. Not just to please him but also because I wanted him as close as possible. If it were possible, I would have let him crawl inside me, but this was the closest thing. It was also a turn-on to know Keith was a virgin in this. It was one thing we would meet as new lovers.

I looked at Keith standing up to pull off his clothes as he became just as bare as me. I wasn't prepared for it, but he lifted me up bridal style and carried me to the bedroom instead, where I could stretch out more comfortably in the big bed.

“Have you…” he started while he lay down next to me. “Do you know how it's done?” He asked and arranged me carefully so he could see my ass. His hand moved up and down my cheek, letting a finger graze my opening. It was a bit of a scary thought that his girth would push into me there but it was also that that made it exciting.

I shook my head and nodded a little. He looked a bit nervous too, and it was understandable; he had probably just looked at porn involving it, even if it probably was a lot of porn.

“I need to prepare you… You will never be able to take me just like that and the first time… I don't know if you will like it.”

“Daddy is so big.”

He smirked a little and looked at his own erection proudly.

“Yeah… It will hurt.”

I nodded, but I had decided I would do it. Nothing could change my mind.

Keith prepared me with lubed fingers and then a dildo. I got a bad feeling seeing it at first, wondering if it was that dildo, but I forgot about that when he pushed it in. I made a loud, pained sound, but Keith just breathed more loudly by it. I knew he liked the power. I lay on my belly with two pillows under my hips while he sat in a comfortable position next to me. When he noticed it got too much for me, he played with my pussy until the feeling of an almost orgasm took over and he could start over again. It was painful; I couldn't lie about it, but still I said I was ready for his cock after he had used the dildo for a while. I knew he was bigger than the pink dildo. I knew it would be harder for him to restrain himself when his own pleasure was a part of the action. He straddled my hips easily with his long legs, and I could feel and hear him use lube on both me and himself; still, I was nervous.

“You must relax, honey, otherwise I will never be able to push in," he whispered when he leaned down like he would do push-ups over me. I nodded a little while he stood up again, massaging my back and continuing lower to get me to relax for him. A few seconds I wanted to flee, but after a few deep breaths and Keith's hands and fingers over my thighs and pussy, I felt ready. I could feel the painful burning when he pushed in but also heard him grunt like he was in heaven. I wanted him to feel that, and I worked through my pain and pushed back so more of him glided in.

“Oh, fuck, you're so tight… Oh, fuck…” His voice was different, higher in pitch, but he also sounded a bit like a teenage boy. He carefully pulled out a bit to then push in longer when I made a sound like I would cry. Keith stopped.

“Are you okay, baby?”

“Yeah…”

“Oh yeah, fuck, good girl…”

He was too pleased hearing I could handle it, but it also made it all worth it. He did a few more strokes while grunting loudly. It was obvious this was something special to him, but it was also what destroyed it for him because it just took a minute until he was forced to pull out and cover my bum with his seed.

×××

It really hurt after. I was not prepared for that, and neither was Keith. He had thought the preparation would do the work, but it didn't. I could see he felt bad when we lay opposite each other in the bed after taking a shower together. He had tried to give back to me, go down on me, or just have him inside me while we cuddled, but I couldn't handle it. The pain was too much.

“I didn't… I didn't think it would be like this for you. I'm sorry…” Said he lowly. I shrugged my shoulders.

“I wanted it.”

Keith nodded a little but scratched his neck in discomfort. I could hear his phone vibrate on the nightstand, and after a few seconds of him checking I was okay, he looked at his phone. I thought it was just a notice or a text from a friend. It rarely took so long for him to look at it, but now it did. I looked at him curiously, and he then looked back at me.

“Shit… Shit…” He sat up but looked back at me after a few seconds. He was hard to read, but I could see some sort of pettiness in his eyes, but also anger. First I thought he was angry at me, but he then smiled sadly at me and gave me his phone.

George Bailey:

Sorry I got so upset last time we saw each other. I know my daughter is with you. Maybe we all could eat dinner some day?

“Was it them? Did they put you up for this?”

I looked at the message without understanding what he saw at first. For me it just looked like my dad reached a hand out until I had read it a few times. It sounded like he gave me up to be able to get on Keith's good side. I didn't want to think about the words you could use for a woman who gave herself to a man for money, but it was what it felt like. My parents had encouraged me to go and sleep with a man so they could get money from him.

“Fuck Jaqueline, I hope you're not a part of this… Was it his idea to let me fuck you in the ass? Did they really try to traffic you?”

Go ahead and cry, little girl. Nobody does it like you do. I know how much it matters to you. I know that you got daddy issues. And if you were my little girl. I'd do whatever I could do. I'd run away and hide with you. I know that you got daddy issues, and I do too…

×

[xyywrites]

Um hi, I'm kinda new to writing stuff but I like to read, and English isn't my main so translating from mine into English is hard.

I'm going to ask, how do you make flow character emotion from sad crying then laughing with tears and finished off with smiles (while thinking everything will be fine after).

Or shy character which afraid with his doing, but curious how to do well and others appreciate his effort.

Thanks for sharing, I will try to learn more from you, have a good day.

Hey anon! First off, welcome to writing! The fact that you’re translating from another language and still pushing through is incredible—I promise it gets easier with time! 💛

For your first question (going from crying to laughing to smiling with hope), the key is natural emotional progression. Real emotions aren’t like a switch flipping on and off; they blend into each other. Some things to keep in mind:

Exhaustion after crying – A full emotional release is draining. After a big cry, people often feel hollowed out, and that’s when laughter sneaks in easier, sometimes at the smallest, most absurd thing.

The absurdity of it all – Sometimes, emotions get so overwhelming that a person just... short-circuits into laughter.

Triggered by a memory – Maybe mid-sob, they recall something a loved one once said that fits the moment too well, like “Mama always said…” and it just gets them.

Laughter breaking tension – If the scene involves others, maybe someone cracks a bad joke or messes up in a way that makes the whole thing feel lighter.

The "Things can't get any worse" realization – That moment where they hit rock bottom and, instead of despairing, just... laugh. Not because it's funny, but because at this point, what else can they do?

Survivalist hope – The final realization isn’t a naïve "everything will be perfect now," but a quiet acknowledgment that yeah, life will keep throwing punches—but they’ve survived worse. It’s not blind optimism, it’s earned belief in their own resilience. This is how realists and cynics console themselves.

But you know what? It can also go the other way.

Like in movies when a character wins, returns to their peaceful life, and then—out of nowhere—something mundane happens. They overhear someone say, “Let’s watch that movie” or “Let’s get that cake”—something so small, but it’s the exact thing a person they lost once said. And suddenly, the laughter dies on their lips. Their breath catches. Their vision blurs. Tears, out of nowhere.

Bonus points if a side character notices and goes, “Wait… why are you crying?” and the protagonist can’t even explain it.

This. I. Love. This. It’s soul-wrenchingly sad.

For the shy character who's afraid but wants to improve: (ps. this reminds me of Judy Hopps from Zootopia, though she isn't shy)

Internal conflict – Show their hesitation, their self-doubt. Maybe they second-guess every action, thinking they’ll mess up.

Small victories – Others appreciating their effort should feel earned. Maybe they get a nod, a simple "Nice work," or even just not being criticized—it all matters to them.

Sensory details – How do they react to praise? Do they freeze? Stammer? Look down but secretly smile? Showing this makes the moment hit harder.

Curiosity winning over fear – Maybe they still think they’ll fail, but they want to try. That want is what pushes them forward.

Overthinking everything – They rehearse what they’ll say in their head 50 times, only to blurt out something completely different. Or maybe they write a message, delete it, rewrite it, and then end up sending “nvm” instead.

Awkward body language – Maybe they fidget with their sleeves, avoid eye contact, shuffle their feet, or hold their breath when waiting for a reaction.

Flashes of determination – Fear might rule them most of the time, but there are moments—tiny ones—where their curiosity or desire to do well pushes them forward before doubt can stop them.

Self-deprecating thoughts vs. real progress – Maybe they think, I’m terrible at this. Everyone can tell, but in reality, others see the effort and appreciate it. They just don’t realize it yet.

Accidental success – Maybe they get something right without realizing, and when someone praises them, their brain short-circuits like, Wait, I did that??

The moment of realization – That tiny spark when they think, Maybe I can do this. It doesn’t have to be huge. It could be as small as their hands shaking a little less the next time they try.

Now, picture this:

Person A isn’t a hero. They can’t do what B, C, or D does. They don’t have what E has, or the raw skill of F. But they do have one thing—a small but crucial role in the bigger picture. They’re the minor cog in the machine, but without them, nothing works.

So they take that one thing—their one skill, no matter how small—and they do it to the absolute best of their ability. Not for glory. Not for recognition. But because without it, B, C, D, E, and F wouldn’t succeed.

And with that....Sayonara

You're already thinking deeply about emotions, and that’s a great start! Keep going, and don’t be afraid to experiment. You’re doing amazing. 💛

(Oh, and your first question reminds me of a book: I'm Laughing Because I'm Crying: A Memoir by Youngmi Mayer. I haven’t read it yet, but the title alone made me add it to my TBR pile. You might find it interesting!)

[kaiserkisser]

mutuals appreciation post

omg i cant believe im already writing another one what- anyways again, im just making this to let all of you guys know that i appreciate you LOADS. every single one of my mutuals. doesn't matter if ive mentioned you here or not, if youre a mutual, that means i do remember you and will never stop loving you /gen. i seriously LOVE you guys. thank you so so much for putting up and staying with me, talking to me and being friends with me. i cant express how much it means to me. happy new year, all of you ♡♡♡

(i wanted to write essays for everyone wtf this isnt at all enough but tis a LONG post nonetheless lmao)

oh also a little gift for everyone hehehe <3333

@meowmaii MY LOVELY ONLINE LIL SIS ILYSMMM. interacting with you and seeing u on my dash or notifs brings me smmm joy istg and im so so so proud of you for being you!!!! i am so very glad to have gotten to talk to you my dear behen and i hope we never stop talking <333 i genuinely love u so so much thank you for being here and being yourself! ♡ help i could literally make this a 50-page long essay sooo ill stop here. for now. :333 here's to another year together and to us never stopping talking to e/o hehe :333

@thegolden-tigeress SHREEEE ARGHHH another of my absolute favorite people on the planet!!! tysm for everything!!!! i literally appreciate your existence and you so so much i cant even begin to express it ♡♡♡ thank you soooo much for talking to me and sending me asks n tagging me and stuff!!!! it makes me feel so so seen bby <33 i promise ill try to interact more with u this next year after boards r over! im so so proud of u for being here despite the bs lifes giving u!! heres to us talking more and more simping over chuuya this next year haha ily take care <33

@kavehpilled aaand hello to u my dear online older brother :33 (help am i picking up siblings like pokemons-) anw!!! thank you for regularly interacting with me n remembering me despite how busy, chaotic and CRAZY(??!!!? HELLO??!?!) life is for u :3 i love talking to u so so much hehe <3 it always makes me SO happy to see u in my notifs, inbox or on my dash going insane over arcane (youre making me wonder if i should get into arcane too.) take care noah!! you being kaveh is great and all BUT dont become overworked and broke like him- :3

@floraldresvi you ANGELLLL!!!!! i did already send u a nice long christmas tree message so !!! ill keep this short but thank you so so much for remembering me!!! ill not have been very active for a while and then all of a sudden ill see you in my notifs or inbox or dash and go 'YAYYY ITS VI EEEE!!' and jump in happiness :333 (and just you wait grrr once my exams are over ill unleash ❀✿ anon on the world again and youll be the first victim mwehehehe :333) take care vivi ilysmmmm/p <33

@milk-violet MIMIIII :3333 tis our dearest ray of sunshine, incredibly talented star, god-level pjsk player and kazuha's most beloved lover <33333 i swear, talking to you is always soooo fun it leaves me smiling without fail :33 i love love love !!! seeing your energy and interactions on my dash and in notifs!!! aaa im so glad i got to meet u n talk to u this year!!! take care n i hope we talk more this next year ehe!!! <33

@alexisomnias LEXIIII !!! another person i absolutely love seeing on dash!!!!! admittedly, i havent interacted much this year but nonetheless i do always !!! remember u n thinking of u makes me smile without fail <33 ur so so so sweet and fun whenever we talk and it makes me vv happy <333 and istg u n kaveh are SO adorable omfg i ship you two SOO much its insane djdhs :333 take care lexi!!! <3

@mlkbwunnies oh my god yinggie!!!! again, ive often said this to u but youre are genuinely SUCH a wonderful person!!!! you give off such a comforting vibe that i always feel vv relaxed n happy when i talk to you <33 interacting with u n seeing u on dash makes my day hehe ♡ youre so so very caring and kind and loving and i still cant believe i get to be moots with someone as amazing as you!! take care of yourself!! you and alhaitham are so cute too ohmygoshh :33

@damyoujackson ok so you. tbh i have NO idea when youll be seeing this. may be a month or year later when im out of the schl or maybe today (in which case im running away bye.) BUT. thank u sm for being my friend. like genuinely fgfdffg omg i swear youve been one of my absolute best friends so like. tysm for listening to me yap and yk, putting up with my weirdness haha i cant even express how glad i am to have met you jajsdj !! hopefully we still stay in touch aaajshs (also if u see this before ive left then NO we dont talk about this.) take care bro n dont be a stranger :333

@punkisntdeadandneitherami orion!!!!!! thank u so much for interacting with me!!! (i wouldve honestly not reached out cuz social anxiety lmao) BUT!!! i loveeee talking to u and seeing u in my notifs!!!! youre such a chill and cool person djsjjshs youre one of the first people who come to my mind when i think of my moots or of tagging ppl !!! thanks for being moots with me shshs :33

@fishii28 youre such a wonderfully sweet person fishii !!!!!! its always been SUCH a delight to talk to u mwehehehe :33 and omg yukifishi >>>>>> hopefully we talk more this next year, please take care dear because you deserve nothing but the absolute best in the world, and im so so happy and proud of you for still being here despite everything!!!!! thank u so sooooo much for interacting with me <33333

@blackcherriestxox styx!!!! we only started talking recently but you are SUCH an incredibly fun person to talk to!!!! youre so silly hehe /pos/lh n i love ur vibes!!! +your aesthetic >>>>> thanks for listening to my rambles XD and and lmk if u read bllk hehehe anw im so so very glad i started talking to u!!! heres to getting to know e/o better this next year :33

@fyodorsushankaaa oliviaaaa <333 thank u so so much for filling up my notifs hehe it makes me feel sooo seen <333 but at the same time please don't burn/stress yourself out!! i loooveee talking to u :333 and oof ykw im gonna fix a day to spam u in return too mwahaha :333 hopefully we talk more next year ^-^ anw thank u sm for being mutuals with me!!! <33

@hoicacti cacti my dearest!!!!!!/p ilysmmm omg somehow ur always there for me for me when i need it even if u urself might not know it shdhdbshsj thank u smm for your kind words, asks and messages!!!! i often think of you and how sweet u are!!! interacting with u is SUCH a pleasure omg and i appreciate you so so soooo much its insane !!!! sjsj take care!!! <333

@still-fatemeh @s0lace-1n-s0l1tude @magicalgear @raskoln1kovsaxe +

@softmeetscreatureplz @siimplyapril you guys, thank you SO much for tagging me in stuff and interacting with me !!!!!!! makes me feel so happy even if i might not always do the tag games <333 (i have all the picrew ones saved in my drafts lmao i promise ill do them-) anw thanks for always remembering me and tagging me <3333 hopefully we interact more next year too <3333 (had to seperate the first tags from the last bc cant tag more than five in a row :( )

alright i think the tags r over for now... im sorry if ive forgotten any of my close moots :((( but to those mutuals who havent been tagged, if u see this please dont think ive forgotten u!!! i absolutely do remember u n love u its just we havent interacted one on one much soo i was nervous to tag yall ahaha...

anw thats it i think! to every single person reading this, happy new year!!! lets hope that this is our year lmao- everyone please take care of yourselves!!! i love u all smm <333

[purplekissinger]

Eye of the beholder

He looked back on his life, not with shame but with a kind of disgust at its dreariness. - 'That hideous strength', C. S. Lewis.

BEFORE YOU READ THIS i really think i have to explain myself. i’ve wrote a ‘Robert Daly x reader’ piece back in 2024 (and never posted this) and my first and only motivation was to escape the cosmic horror of knowing that someone was trapped in their mind FOREVER. Robert Daly is not a good man nor a nice guy, he’s a villain and no one should defend him, and yet his fate was truly horrible and i just felt the urge to write something on that. Knowing what happend to him in the sequel i kinda want to share this text now. Please pay attention that the relationship is shown as toxic (because ehhh that is the way he is) - with a bleak hope in the end. Please forgive me for anything that could make you feel uncomfortable.

When you moved in with Robert Daly, he cleared out a few shelves for you with a frantic urgency he didn't expect from himself. The collector's construction set, the Commander Carpenter action figure, and the three mugs with views of the Brachian wastes were now resting in a box. In their place went your shampoos, a stack of T-shirts, and a box of books. Robert felt that these were perhaps the most precious items in his collection.

Your phone is full of tracking apps that send him a detailed report every day at 18 p.m. Location, messages, photos, browser search history. Robert spared no effort to carefully review all these documents every night and then save them in a secret folder (you went to bed earlier anyway). Are there suspiciously warm messages from colleagues? Are you googling something like "my boyfriend is too controlling"? 

Robert felt almost no guilt when he installed bugs on your phone, except maybe a little. Do you really feel guilty when you install an anti-theft system on your car? Especially if it is an expensive car that is beyond your means.

You were, indeed, beyond his means. Not financially, though.  Robert felt more or less secure when it came to money. His salary was enough for him to make you move into his apartment pretty quickly and let you work from home more often (so that Walton wouldn't chatter with you too much). You were, by any measure, out of his league. Too pretty, too sweet, and just too affectionate with him for it to be true. There were those crazy moments when he was overcome with a suffocating fear: what if this was just another simulation? What if he was now actually half-asleep in a chair, watching scenes of a happy life with the living dream?

Robert glanced sideways at the bed where you were snoring peacefully. In the flickering light of the monitor he could only see the top of your head. Without taking his eyes off you, Robert whispered:

‘Exit game’. 

You sighed softly. Robert stared at you intensely for another three or four minutes, then turned back to the computer.

Geotracking. No surprises here, after work you made a quick stop at the coffee shop near the house. You bought an ice cream and a cup of coffee (receipt attached), and then went straight home. Robert felt a growing warmth somewhere in his heart. It's for your safety, after all. He imagined you sitting in this cafe, carefully picking an ice cream with a spoon. He wonders sometimes how does he even manage to hide his madness.

Oh, and here's a photo of the ice cream. You sent it to a friend. Open chat logs.

Diana: Ooooh, that looks tasty! :heart emoji:

Y/N:  trust me it is :3

Diana: are you at Gingers rn?

Y/N: yeah. You wont believe me what theyve done with the place lol

You discuss different ice cream flavors for a couple more pages. Robert read it all carefully. The ease with which you ​​talked to people always fascinated him.

You watched a couple of episodes of Futurama on the phone when you got home. Then you googled ‘lasagna recipes’ and ordered the necessary ingredients. They say that you get used to good things quickly, but Robert still couldn’t get used to the smell of a delicious dinner cooked by loving hands that was now waiting for him every night. Then you put on some music, and maybe danced a little (Robert briefly thought that he should check the cameras). Then there was a text message from Nanette.

Robert pursed his lips. He often racked his brains over how to cut Nanette out of your life, but so far he hadn’t come up with anything. Meanwhile you two had become good friends. Nannette asked something about work, you answered her right away, then you agreed to meet on Friday evening (he would think about how to prevent this later).

Nannette: you were busy last Friday xd pleeeeeeease don’t sneak away from me this time!

Y/N: sorry x) Rob and I had a Space fleet marathon, we watched like 10 episodes or something

Nanette: whoa

Nanette: :skull emoji: :skull emoji: :skull emoji:

Nanette: u ok lmao?).

Go to hell, Robert thought darkly. You like it, he knows for sure. That day you two ordered pizza and cuddled until late at night, staring at the screen. He sometimes paused the show and explained the references, and you listened intently. It was the best damn evening in six months. Better than being a captain.

Y/N: well, it's actually pretty cool x) such a cute vintage. It's a cult classic, half the tropes in modern sci-fi owe the debt. Plus the jokes are really funny)

 Thank God, he thought with relief.

Nanette: listen, I’ve been meaning to ask, how are you two doing? I know you just moved in with him

Nanette: don’t get me wrong, I’m not prying into your personal life. I’m just curious 

Y/N: oh, everythings great) Ive been seeing Rob more often, he works an awful lot. Hes  different at home, by the way)

Nannette: wow, what’s he like?) surprise me

Y/N: very cute :heart emoji: like a huge teddy bear. I could hug him all day long lol

Robert felt like he was having trouble breathing. He blinked twice. The screen in front of his eyes was blurring. It took him a moment to realize that it was tears.

Y/N: Damn, Im actually a little offended that no one knows what Rob is really like) hes a real genius, no joke, and at the same time so humble and hardworking

Y/N: I love it when someone is really passionate about something. Such people usually have a lot of love in their hearts) Rob is very caring

Y/N: and very kind

Y/N: in short, I hit the jackpot xd

Y/N: his birthday is in two weeks tho :thinking emoji:  i was thinking of a surprise

Y/N: thought of an action figure xd 

Y/N: but now i have even better idea

And that is when Robert closed the chat window hurriedly, hitting the cross on the fourth try, and hid his face in his hands. He needed some cold water. He needed to do the breathing exercises that you had taught him. He needed to lie down. He needed to wake you up, to confess - though to what, he couldn't say.

For as long as he could remember, Robert Daly had been a man who, with astonishing persistence, saw only injustices towards himself and never noticed any problems of other people. Now, for the first time in his life, he felt something that could be described as noble and dignified. He saw now with devastating clarity that he did not deserve you. He was not a good man or a nice guy, never had been; he had always known that you were too good for him, but now he felt like a robber, no, worse, like a thief. 

So what if he did not pursue the clones who had broken free? So what if he returned digital copies of Walton and Tommy to the ship and gave them unlimited credits? Robert was doing it for himself, because he knew full well that he would go to jail for that sweet entertainment.

You will never know about the USS Callister. You will never know that six months ago you could have been trapped there. You will never know what you really saved him from when you raised the alarm in the work chat, unable to reach Robert. You sure as hell will never know what a monster he was and remains. 

You won't see him turn off the monitor and lie down carefully next to you on the bed. You won't see him staring at the ceiling until almost dawn and thinking about the long, long hours in the darkness of dead space. You won't hear him sobbing quietly as he remembers how this darkness was cut by the light of a hospital room as he saw your face.

Beauty, they say, is in the eye of the beholder. But could it be the kindness that Robert didn't feel in himself no matter how hard he tried? For the only thing he felt was an endless empty and cold space inside of him, deadly, hungry, ugly, unforgiving, and no other light except his guiding star, his wishing star. And as Robert hoped desperately that he will never lose sight of this star, he knew damn well that it would be better for the star to lose sight of him.

[joocomics]

Dinnaaa! Thoughts on xdh reactions to giving them hickeys when you know you're not supposed to because they have an event? 🥺 👉🏻👈🏻

gunil would definitely raise a brow at you like “really, baby? what did i tell you last time?” because gunil likes to keep it professional. he wouldn’t be shy or ashamed to arrive at work with a hickey, but he’d worry if it’s a bit inappropriate although it can easily be covered with makeup and it’s not that serious. the situation would turn into a playful banter where he tries to “scold” you for your lack of patience and giving you many pecks on the lips simultaneously making you promise that this won’t happen again (although he ends up kinda liking going to work with a visual proof of how much you love him, but still… he wants to keep it professional)

jungsu would turn so red while staring at his neck in the mirror and it would be soo fun to see. the moment he feels you sucking at his skin for longer than you should he’d gently grip your face and pull you away, but it’s too late - the damage is done because he got too immersed in the nice feeling of your lips, and you’d be able to feel his heartbeat racing in panic if you listen close enough. it would be nerve wracking for him to return to work all marked up and having to endure the members’ teasing comments while the makeup artist is trying to cover up your love bites. he’d have the urge to check his makeup multiple times before the event starts just in case

jiseok would like it… and everyone around him would be able to tell that he likes it and that he’s trying hard to hide how much he really likes it. he would fail, because he’d be walking around with a prideful smile. he’d be already very excited simply because he got to see you before his important event, you’re his lucky charm after all, and then you give him a hickey? he wouldn’t have the time to worry if somebody’s gonna say something about it - he’s in love and he loves his fresh hickeys. he would definitely not forget to take a picture of his neck once the makeup is gone and send it to you with the message “i miss you”

seungmin even if he’s a bit flustered about it (if it’s his first time having a hickey in public) nobody would be able to tell, because he’d handle it very well. but i doubt he would be to be honest… more than that, he would enjoy having your marks on his skin throughout the day and thinking of you. seungmin is the type of boyfriend who would love to leave hickeys all over your body pretty often and he’d love receiving some from you just as much. so if you give him a hickey, unintentionally or not, no matter what time of the day it is, he wouldn’t mind it at all. he’d wear the marks confidently as if they’re a part of his outfit

junhan would be nervous about it, walking around without moving his head too much so his hair hides the fresh blemishes… the only person who should know he has a hickey is the makeup artist and nobody else. he’d frown at you a bit for making him go through this, but solely because he’s not used to showing off to people that he’s receiving such attention. once you let him know how irresistible he is, making it difficult for you to not to get a bite out of him, his nerves would calm down and he’d realise that maybe it’s not that scary. but he would prefer it if this doesn’t turn into a regular thing, he’d want to keep such things in private

jooyeon would find it silly and when he joins the members to get his hair and makeup done he may or may not show them to jiseok being like “can you believe this?” and they would giggle and everything, making the classic joke about you being a vampire. i don’t think he would pay much attention to the actual hickeys though; by the end of the day he might even forget that they’re there if you ask me. the only thing on his mind would be that he got to see you and kiss you before he gets back to work. if this happens again in the future when they have another event you would definitely create some kind of an inside joke which meaning only the two of you would know about… and maybe jiseok…

[mewguca]

I was thinking about how people should talk more about the parallels between hunter and moon

This is a rather self-indulgent piece...I find it very comforting to be able to express my emotions through a media I love like this...that's probably my favorite thing about art. Being able to express something...being able to connect emotionally with the viewer...is really nice

textless versions and a long rambling under the cut

Hunter is often viewed as a very strong and agile slugcat...they are the "hard mode" after all. Hunter probably has a lot of physical prowess. But, with the rot...they become weaker. At its worst, they struggle to do basic movements...until they eventually die. Of course, in my version of events...Hunter's rot is cured, but it still leaves lasting side-effects. Their scars go beyond simple battle wounds...there's a sort of pervasive sickliness throughout their whole body. Treatment helps, of course...but

You know how that is, right...? You have to keep getting treatments. You have to work for your recovery. And you have to work to prevent your body from getting weaker again...Or y'know, that's how it is if you've ever had any reoccurring or chronic health issues. It's...a struggle I feel like doesn't get expressed very often...so I wanted to express it through my version of Hunter.

Even though Moon isn't anywhere near as organic, I feel like she can relate to similar struggles. She used to be like a god...a powerful supercomputer who could do just about anything! But...she couldn't bring herself to do the one thing that'd preserve her own wellbeing. She delays and delays on forcing Pebbles to stop with her administrative powers until it is far too late...

Maybe she thought she could handle it. That everything would be fine if she just waited for Pebbles to understand...or waited for him to stop. If she just kept sending messages, eventually he would listen.

But he didn't. Things didn't get better. And by the time she finally took action against it, it was too late...her forced communications did nothing but make her brother furious with her...because she "ruined everything." She could only accept her imminent collapse...

When she woke up again, she had only a few neurons left to run on. Her umbilical was broken, her overseers were out of her control, and even the roof over her head was incomplete.

She couldn't do most of the things she used to. She could hardly move. She could hardly even think. She could barely remember who or what she used to be...and she didn't have great ability to remember the present, either.

It must have been really painful...but she keeps doing what she can anyways. She reads the pearls you bring her. She tells you about the items you bring. She gives you information as best as she can. She is kind and hospitable. She encourages you. She could be so bitter and depressed...so resentful and cruel...but she isn't. I'm sure she has plenty of bitterness and resentment, plenty of hopelessness and great sadness, plenty of suffering...

But when she sees the little slugcat, she's still kind to it. She is grateful for what she has. She is happy to see you. And she keeps on living.

She's so strong...she is a huge inspiration for me.

So, I think if anyone could relate to Hunter's struggle...Moon is probably the closest. I think people should talk about their relationship more...after all, Hunter is her "little savior." I think they would be wonderfully close. They could support each other in their struggles to keep living, even if their bodies fight against them. I also think their friendship is just cute! Great potential for angst, for fluff, for comfort...idk. everything, really. It would be wonderful for them to reunite when they're both in better shape...as creatives, we can make a versions of events where that happens. It's really wonderful to me...for a work of art to inspire others to create art because of it.

This game means a lot to me...and it means a lot to me that it resonates so much with other people as well. So, thank you...

[drabbles-mc]

What do you tell your friends? (2/4)

Sydney Adamu x Richie Jerimovich

Written for the 2024 Five Figure Fanwork Exchange

Chapter Index

Warnings: 18+, language, implied smut, light angst/arguing, smoking, pining

Word Count: 4.4k

A/N: actually unwell about the two of them. not normal at all.

Sydney hated that she noticed the lack of communication from Richie when he went to stage at Ever. It was impossible not to notice that he was missing when she was at the restaurant. With Carmy still MIA more often than not, and Natalie in and out of the place trying to get things in order and also just exist as a human being with where she was at with her pregnancy, Sydney felt like she was an island unto herself. She got glimpses of Marcus and Fak, but mostly she felt like she was doing a lot of things on her own. She knew that it was only going to be a week but it already felt like so much more than that.

More times than she would ever admit, she opened up their text thread and typed out a message. She always ended up deleting it all and shoving her phone back into her pocket instead of sending it, though. He was busy enough as it was. And so was she. It was just easier to bear it all when they were busy together, or at least busy near each other even if they were busy with different things. She was at least glad that she hadn’t gotten a distress call from him, or a bail call from the police station.

Richie was playing the conversation with Tiff on repeat in his head for the rest of the day once he went back into the restaurant. With every piece of silverware that he shined and stacked, he heard her voice. The engagement. The “I love you.” The breaks in her voice as she said it all. It ran back to back to back in a way that felt like a record player with a faulty needle.

He almost texted Tiff when he got back to his apartment that night. When he talked himself out of doing that, he thought about calling Sydney. He made it all the way to his recent calls list before he managed to be honest enough with himself to know that it would’ve been a stupid idea. He just had to make it through the rest of the week, and he could worry about it once he was done with his current tour of duty.

Even if he couldn’t see it at the time, his week at Ever ended up being a well-timed thing. As one day ticked into the next, he felt himself clawing his way back up from the rock bottom the news from Tiff had left him at. By the time he was done staging, he didn’t even know how much he wanted to go back to The Bear, back to dealing with Carmy and all the other shit. But there wasn’t any other option now. He also had to admit it to himself, that for as conflicted as he felt about it all when he walked out of Ever that day, when he walked into The Bear the following afternoon in his suit, he knew that he was as ready for it all as he’d ever been. If it didn’t work now, if he didn’t work now…he didn’t even want to think about it.

When he saw the look on Sydney’s face, he realized that he hadn’t talked to her at all since he went to stage. A week in their time felt more like a month on most other people’s time tables. An apology wasn’t necessary, but part of Richie still felt like he should be giving her one. He tried to think less about that, and more about the surprised but impressed look on her face as she continued to stare at him. Her smile was soft, small, but it still reached her eyes.

Sydney could feel the difference in the air from the last time that she’d seen him. There were a handful of things that she wanted to say to him, but all that came out was, “Your suit is—is nice.” She immediately wanted to kick herself but there was no point.

Richie took it in stride the way that he always did. “Oh, thanks.” He made a small gesture with his hands. “I wear suits now.”

Sydney nodded approvingly, her smile growing a little wider at the simple statement. It looked good on him. Whatever had happened in his week away had been something that he needed. She wanted to say something to that effect but instead the next words that came out of her mouth were, “You smell good.”

He did a double-take at that. Confusion showed through on his face for a moment the same way that embarrassment came through on hers. He could’ve easily made it awkward for the sake of it all, but he was doing better things now. If anybody deserved that from him it was her, so he said, “Thanks, yeah, apparently no one around here appreciated my sprucey, woodland scent so I had to switch it up.”

She laughed quietly. “Onto bigger and better things.”

He nodded before reaching out and gently cupping her arm with his hand. “Let’s get it, Chef.”

Sydney’s plan had been to wait for Richie to reach out to her, especially after seeing the evident shift in him. But after she spent another late night at the restaurant alone, down on her hands and knees scrubbing the floor, she knew she was going to lose the last of her shit if she didn’t reach out. She was adjusting the bag on her shoulder while also trying to unlock her phone as she went from the kitchen out into the dining area of the restaurant to leave. She was looking down when she heard the door open, and sure enough when she looked up, Richie was standing there. Still in his suit.

He motioned up towards the ceiling. “Lights were still on.”

She nodded, trying to nonchalantly put her phone away. “Yeah, uh, I was, um, I was just doing some cleaning.”

“Right.”

She cleared her throat, suddenly feeling awkward standing in front of him in a way that she hadn’t felt in a very long time. “You good?”

“Are you?”

She laughed sarcastically. “Not fair—I asked first.” She paused and waited for him to look her in the eyes. “Are you good, Richie? I, I know you’re wearing suits now but are you good…underneath that?”

He shrugged and nodded, but the nod slowly turned into a shake of his head instead. “I’m tryin’, Syd. I’m fuckin’ trying.”

She nodded. “I know you are.” Crossing her arms over her chest, she asked, “What’s going on? Something I can, you know, anything I can do?”

Richie rested his hand on the back of his neck. “Tiff’s, uh, Tiff’s engaged.”

Sydney’s eyes went wide. “Fuck.”

He laughed, and he almost meant it too. “Yeah. Fuck.”

“When, uh, when did that…?”

He shrugged. “Called me when I was staging at Carmy’s old fuckin’ stomping grounds over there.”

The explanation didn’t soothe the surprised look on her face at all. It did, though, explain part of the reason that he had been radio silent with her since he left. “Right. Got it.” Clearing her throat, she tried to box up all the different conflicting and extremely messy feelings that were rattling around in her chest. “And you’re feeling…what…about that?”

Richie looked at her, chuckling at her phrasing. “We don’t gotta talk about it.” He motioned towards her. “Your turn. The fuck’s going on with you?” The aggressive question had no malice to it anymore, not the way that it used to when he would talk to her.

She shook her head, now feeling like it wasn’t the time or the place to bring any of it up. “We don’t have to talk about it.” There was a pause that lasted a little too long for either of their liking before Sydney finally said, “I was actually going to call you. Or text.” She chuckled awkwardly. “Whatever.”

“Yeah?”

“Yeah.”

Richie watched her for a few seconds longer, waiting to see if she was going to expand on that at all. When she didn’t, he simply nodded and moved back towards the door again. “Alright,” he said as he held the door open for her. “Ladies first, then.”

Syd chuckled as she walked through the door. “Thanks.”

He shut and locked it behind them. “Don’t mention it.”

They didn’t make it back to his apartment. Richie felt like he was a goddamn teenager again hooking up with someone in his car in the darkness of a parking lot the way that they were, but that feeling wasn’t enough to stop him. It was cramped and clumsy but there was something to be said about the feeling of Syd’s vice-grip wrinkling his nicely ironed dress shirt. It made the escapade feel slightly more grown-up since he was doing it in a suit, not that he said it out loud.

They were getting themselves resituated as best they could when they were done, Sydney back in the passenger seat the way that she usually was. The windows were still completely coated in fog when Richie finally got around to turning his car on. They both agreed that in the car, out in the parking lot after hours, did not qualify as hooking up at work. No one else had to know.

While he waited to be able to see out of his windshield again, Richie asked, “So are we—do you want—where, uh, where am I taking you?”

Sydney’s eyes widened, not having thought that far ahead. It was one thing when she didn’t leave his apartment after they’d hooked up. Besides, they were almost always heading to the same place the next day anyway so it didn’t make too much of a difference. This was different, though. Asking to go back to his place still would either sound like she was teeing up for a second round, which didn’t sound like the worst thing in the world anyway, but it also sounded more attached and serious than whatever they were supposed to be doing. The mess between them was minimal so far—she wanted to keep it that way.

“Um, you can just bring me back to my place, I think.”

Richie nodded, not even feeling the fact that his lips turned downward into a frown as he did. “Right.”

Syd saw the look on his face and part of her wanted to say something, try to explain away her decision. But it wasn’t really going to matter, and she knew that. Whatever damage it’d caused was already done. She was going to try and say something anyway, but before she could he put the car in drive and started to roll off the lot. All she could do was slump back in the passenger seat, holding her bag in her lap as she looked out the window that was slowly but surely clearing back up.

When he rolled to a stop outside the apartment building where her and her dad were living, it felt like the first time Richie had looked at her since he’d started driving. Sydney wished that at any point during the drive she had come up with something to say to him, but her mind was far too muddled with everything that was going on.

She slipped her arms into the sleeves of her jacket, unable to make eye contact with him as she said, “If you need, I mean I don’t know what exactly I can do, but if you need me to do—”

“Thanks, Syd,” Richie put her out of her misery, his voice quiet in a strange, distant kind of way.

She nodded, unsure of what else to do or say. “You’re welcome, I guess.” She cleared her throat. “Thanks, you know, for the ride home.”

He shrugged. “It’s fine.”

Her fingers were wrapped around the handle of the door, ready to grant her the freedom from the car that felt stuffier now than it had before when they were having sex. But rather than open the door, tuck and roll her way out of the discomfort, she brought her hand back to her lap.

“Are we good?” she asked.

“What?”

The crushing weight of embarrassment came back ten-fold. It was almost like trying to force a “What are we?” conversation only worse because at least if that had been the conversation she would know the answer to the question.

“No, nothing, I mean,” she fumbled her way through the sentence, “you’ve just been quiet and I didn’t know if I—”

“It’s not like my car is a great place for pillow-talk,” he said, a bit of an edge to his voice that hadn’t been there before, “not that we really do that shit anyway.”

Her face twisted up in confusion. “Is that, I’m sorry is that something that you feel is missing with this or…?”

He sighed, head dropping back against the rest behind him. “No, I don’t, that’s not what I fuckin’ said.”

“I just asked if we’re good!”

“We’re fine!” He took a breath, making a concentrated effort to get his voice under control. “Business as usual, right?”

She couldn’t hide the frown on her face. “Right.”

He resituated his hands on the steering wheel. “We’re fine. We’re good. I’ll, I’ll see you tomorrow.”

She didn’t know how much she believed it, but she wasn’t in the mood to try and drag out an argument about it. “Yeah, right. I’ll see you tomorrow.”

His car was down the block and rounding the corner before the door to the apartment building swung shut behind Sydney. All she could do was take a deep breath before heading up the stairs to try and get into her shared apartment as quietly as possible. The last thing she needed was her dad seeing her looking the way that she did and then asking what was going on. She didn’t have it in her to come up with a lie off the cuff and she had absolutely no interest in telling him the truth. She took her shoes off before unlocking the door just to be sure she was as quiet as possible.

When she got to the restaurant the next day, she had seen Richie’s car out in the parking lot. Up until now everything at work had been fine with them. The rest of the restaurant felt like it was burning down around them more often than not, but they at least had a few shreds of stability in each other. But now Sydney wasn’t so sure. She wondered if she’d driven a stake right through the last piece of consistency she felt like she had at The Bear these days.

Even from the dining area, she could hear the typical levels of ruckus coming from the back of the house. Taking a deep breath she walked back into the kitchen. She found Carmy and Tina talking about ingredients, and she gave them a brief greeting as she made her way back to the office.

She lingered silently in the doorway when she saw Natalie and Richie talking somewhat quietly as they poured over paperwork. Richie was sitting at the desk, Natalie leaning on his shoulder as she gestured to the forms and numbers in front of him. The only thing that clued them into Syd’s sudden appearance in the doorway was the sound of her shoe squeaking along the floor as she leaned against the door frame.

“Syd!” Natalie looked at her with a smile.

Sydney returned the gesture, hoping it was more convincing than it felt. “Hey—how’re you feeling?”

Natalie shrugged and nodded. “Fucking pregnant and busy,” she answered with a laugh. She stepped away from Richie, giving Syd a quick hug as she excused herself from the office.

The two of them lingered there in silence for a moment. Richie stayed seated at the desk, looking up at her as she stood just inside the doorway now. His expression, for once, didn’t give much of anything away. Sydney didn’t know if she found that to be reassuring or terrifying.

She took a few small steps over so that she was standing beside the desk, sort of in front of him, sort of next to him. She crossed her arms over herself as she leaned back. She was half-perched on the edge of the desk as she looked down at Richie. He didn’t break his gaze, not able to divert his attention from those big brown eyes of hers that were full of so many questions all fighting to be the one that made it past her lips. Letting one of his hands drop so that it was resting on top of the desk, he leaned back in the chair and turned to face her more directly.

“Hi,” Syd finally said.

“Morning, Chef.”

She managed a weak smile. “All good?”

She said it with enough levity that, if Richie wanted to, he could pretend that it was just a question about work. She said it so that anyone who heard her asking it as they walked by the office would think that it was just a casual question about the state of the restaurant, about all the things everyone had been contending with lately. The only people who knew it meant all of that and then so much more were Sydney, who could feel the knot in her gut, and Richie, who would see the borderline desperation in her eyes.

He didn’t know what the realest answer to that question was, but the longer he stared at her the more he came to realize that there was only one answer that he was ever going to give her. Tapping his pen against the top of the desk, he said, “All good.”

Her relief was visible. Her shoulders dropped, and she stopped twisting her hands in her lap. “Good. Alright then.”

He nodded. “Alrighty then.” He diverted some of his attention to the paperwork he’d been looking at with Natalie. None of it was new but the sword was hanging lower and lower over their heads with each passing day. “Friends and family is fuckin’, fuckin’ soon.”

Sydney groaned and dropped her face into her hands. “Don’t remind me.”

“What the fuck are we—”

“I’m working the rest of it out with Carmy and Tina.”

“Today?”

She lifted her face from her palms. “Soon.”

“Both of them?” Richie asked, the question partially genuine but also goading.

Sydney felt her annoyance creeping back in but she also couldn’t deny that there was a sense of normalcy to the interaction that she had desperately been wanting. She nodded as she stood up from the desk. “Hopefully.”

Richie chuckled quietly ass he made her way towards the door. “Good luck, Chef.”

She stopped in the doorway and turned around to look at him again. She let herself feel at ease enough to smile. She studied his face for a moment, watching the way he ran his hand through his beard. She also couldn’t help but to notice in the process of that, that he was still wearing his wedding band. Surely that wasn’t something that was going to go on the rotation of thoughts that made up her mental carousel.

“You too, Chef.”

As she walked out of the room she told herself, a few times over in rapid succession, that the two of them were fine and they’d continue to be fine. They had to be. It was half genuine reassurance, half mantra at this point. For the last couple of months she had been telling herself some version of that—this just happened to be the first time she was telling herself that after the two of them had hit some turbulence. As she thought that, she couldn’t help but to think how far the pendulum had swung in the other direction from when she’d first shown up at The Beef. Back then she never would’ve thought that Richie would be the person that she was turning to for stability. She just hoped that it held, because if the knot in her stomach told her anything, it was that she needed to gear up for some rough times ahead.

She thought that she had been ready for whatever that was going to end up meaning. Then the universe pushed her to what was seemingly the absolute limit of what rough times could be. The highs and lows that made up the days and nights leading up to Friends and Family, and then the clusterfuck of Friends and Family itself had put more than just Sydney through the wringer. It took Richie and Carmy and Natalie and everyone else right down into it along with her.

It’d been exhausting and draining and it left her wondering if she could even do this the way that she thought she’d be able to. It left her wondering if she even wanted to anymore. She’d stood out back behind the restaurant puking her guts out wondering if it was going to feel like this every night for the rest of forever, wondering if the relief of having survived it was worth the turmoil of going through it. Hands braced on her legs, on the fence to keep her at least halfway upright, she felt herself teetering on the edge of an absolute and unstoppable spiral.

Then she thought a little harder about specific parts of the night, the parts that had gone right. She pushed the broken freezer and Carmy’s tantrum from her mind, tried her hardest to forget about the fact that Marcus had to fire one of their cooks for doing crack out in the back alley that she was currently standing in. Instead she tried to think about the way that the rest of them had rallied. Tina stepped up to the plate. Marcus doubled down. Richie took the reins when they were on the brink of completely falling apart.

She thought harder about that, about how well she and Richie had worked together. Things that there hadn’t been time to think about in the moment—his hand on her shoulder, grazing against her back. The way he held her gaze, the way that the two of them were able to say so much to each other while only saying half of those things out loud. That was good. That was the type of good that could keep someone from cascading over the edge into a complete mental breakdown.

Once she had said her piece to Carmy, she knew that she needed to leave before she lost what little was still left of her sanity. She collected up all of her things, not commenting on the way that Carmy headed to the back alley for a smoke and to make a phone call. She didn’t ask who he was going to call, she just hoped that he was going to make the right choice.

As she made her way down the sidewalk to go to the station, she walked past The Bear’s lot where she saw Richie’s car still parked. It wasn’t on, no lights and nothing coming out of the exhaust, but she thanks to the lampposts around she could still see his silhouette in the driver’s seat. Figuring that the worst he could do was tell her to fuck off, she started to walk over. Normally this would be the time that she felt like she had so many things to say to him, but her brain was so fried and overwhelmed and tired that she didn’t have a single coherent thought to spare.

He must’ve seen her, because he opened the car door and stepped out as she appeared in front of the hood. The exhaustion in his eyes was different than hers, but just as palpable. “We fuckin’ did it.” It wasn’t what he really wanted to say, but it was all he could manage without dissolving into a tirade. It wasn’t a lie, at least.

She nodded, wanting to respond but afraid that she was going to puke again if she did. Clearing her throat, she spoke carefully as she said, “Yeah, we did it.” She took a deep breath, feeling a little better about her odds of not throwing up mid-conversation with him as she watched him light a cigarette. “Are you, uh…” she trailed off, looking over at the restaurant and knowing that the answer to the question she was about to ask was a pretty obvious one, “all of that…”

He shook his head. “I can’t fuckin’ deal with that shit right now.”

She knew the feeling. Walking so that she was standing next to him, she said, “I get that.”

“You outta here?”

She exhaled low and slow. “Yeah, I’ve been throwing up like, a lot, so I should probably just go home.”

He didn’t mean to laugh at that but he did. “Shit.”

“Yeah.”

“Need a ride?”

She shook her head. “No, I’m good, I think. I don’t wanna throw up all over your car.”

“You can roll the window down. Crank that handle real fuckin’ fast.”

She rolled her eyes. “Your windows aren’t hand-cranks, Richie.”

He chuckled as he flicked the butt of his cigarette away. “Then you can definitely roll it down in time.”

Richie had to admit even if only to himself that he was glad to have a distraction and a reason to pry himself away from the restaurant. He reached, resting his hand on her back between her shoulder blades. His palm was there for a few seconds before he pulled it away quickly.

“Shit, sorry, don’t wanna make you—”

“I’m not gonna get sick from you touching me, you know.” She laughed. “Think it would’ve been a problem before now.”

He laughed harder at that than he thought he was going to. It wasn’t often that they were in a position to make jokes or comments like that lately, too much other chaos putting distance between them. Even before the most recent waves of turmoil, very rarely was it ever Sydney who was making remarks like that. They looked at each other for a moment longer, and Richie rested his hand against her back again, his thumb rubbing back and forth in an attempt to provide whatever comfort he could in the moment. Syd was looking down at the pavement, but Richie felt her muscles lose some of their tension at the contact, and he smiled despite the exhaustion of everything that had already happened, and everything that was bound to happen next. For now, he settled for being able to drive her home. They could deal with everything else as it came.

(divider by @saradika-graphics)

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