#I should probably stop thinking so much on myself though and what other people think ifk

[ladyloveandjustice]

Finally posted part 2 of this last night just in time for me to probably not have time to write fanfic anymore. a03 link.

Chapter Two

“Are you sure you’re doing all right?” Souko asked.

Natsume Takashi nodded and smiled brightly, but it didn’t reassure Souko all that much. He looked pale and a bit peaky, and his nostrils were red and chapped. “Thanks for meeting up again. I’m sorry about the other day.”

“You really think I, of all people, would blame you for getting sick?” Souko chuckled.

It had been, quite frankly, hilarious when she came to meet Natsume at the park and no one showed up. She’d wondered if Reiko was taking revenge on her from the afterlife, but this time she wasn't at all worried that Natsume had ditched her. She’d foolishly forgotten her phone at home, and after fifteen minutes of waiting, she was prepared to head back and see if he had contacted her. She rose from the park bench, only see the shaggy haired boy she recognized as Natsume’s friend barrelling toward her.

He skidded to a stop in front of her, doubled over and panting. “S-sorry…” he wheezed.

“Is something wrong?” A shock of worry ran through Souko.

The boy—Tanuma, if she recalled correctly—shook his head. “No…Natsume just…wanted to…”

 “Catch your breath first,” Souko said gesturing to the park bench. Tanuma nodded and sat down, his chest still heaving. After a couple minutes his breathing slowed.

  “Sorry,” he said again. “I’m just here to tell you that Natsume got sick and can’t come.”

 “Is it serious?” Souko asked urgently.

  Tanuma shook his head again. “No, no, it’s just a bit of a fever from exhaustion and some…other stuff. His usual. He was actually going to come here to tell you after you didn’t answer, but I convinced him to let me do it.”

 “He gets sick a lot?” Souko chewed on her lip in worry. When she’d told Kana about the pattern of premature death in his family, she had been just as concerned as Souko. Her wife had started insisting she should offer to give the boy a check-up, and when Souko reminded her she was retired and her former practice was miles away, she’d started grumbling.

“He does, but I’m the same way, it’s just our constitution,” Tanuma said hastily. “It’s rarely anything major but…” Tanuma’s mouth twisted a bit. “He does push himself too hard.”

Souko nodded. “I get sick a lot myself, so I understand. I’d never want him to risk his health just to come meet me…though I suppose that’s pretty hypocritical of me to say, I did that all the time when I was his age. I’m sorry you had to run all the way here. Did he think I’d be angry?”

 “Not really, he was just anxious. Even though he left a message, he thought he was…dredging up bad memories or something like that. Did you…” Tanuma trailed off, his mouth tight.

He still seemed a tense around her, Souko noted, and she couldn’t figure out why.

"Did I do something? You seem a little on guard. Especially when we first met.”

Tanuma’s eyes widened. “Oh! No, you didn’t do anything.” He flushed, rubbing the back of his neck. “I’m sorry for back then. When I first saw you sitting next to him, Natsume was rubbing his eyes and looked..kind of overwhelmed, so I thought you might be…” he trailed off again, probably wanting to protect Natsume’s privacy.

“…one of the relatives who treated him badly?” She asked softly.

“Oh.” His brow crinkled. “He told you?”

“I figured it out from how he was talking about them. Or rather, what he considered to be a normal way to treat a child.”

“That’s basically how anyone who knows him has to figure it out,” Tanuma sighed.

“Has he run into them a lot?”

“No, just a couple times.  He’ll actually go up and talk to them because he wants to ask about Reiko.”

That’s brave. Souko thought. He takes after his grandmother there too. “They don’t do anything to him, do they?”

“Not…yelling or any of that. But the way they talk to him is horrible.” Tanuma’s hand balled into fists. “And I can tell it hurts him. Sorry, I probably sound overprotective. It’s not any of my business, really. I just wanted to explain…I’m being selfish, Natsume wouldn’t want me to talk about this.”

“It’s fine, don’t beat yourself up,” she said quickly. He still wasn’t meeting her eyes. “You… still seem tense, though. Is there anything else you need cleared up?

“It’s nothing to do with you. I just get worried.” Tanuma sighed, shaking his head.

You can tell me,” she said simply.

He hesitated for a second. “Again, this isn’t my business….” His hands twisted together in his lap. “But…I know you’ve been talking about Reiko’s past. And well, I’m worried you might know something…bad. And uh, the fallout it might have on Natsume.”

“Something bad that she did, or something bad that happened to her?”

“Something that happened, mostly. Not that I’m think you shouldn’t tell him, I know Natsume would want to the truth, but…”

“I’ve already told him everything I know about Reiko,” she assured him. “I only knew her for a little while.”

“Oh.” Tanuma’s shoulders slumped in relief, and for the first time, he smiled slightly. “That’s good to know. Thank you.”

She could see the weight of his caring, how carefully he carried it, how he had to struggle not to let it drag him down. He was much like Natsume in that way. She wanted to say they were too young for that kind of burden, but she and Reiko had been the same, hadn’t they?

She’d worried about her so much, about her bruises and cuts, about how she was always tense and on guard even as she slept, the way her eyes would snap open and look frantically around when she woke. Reiko had never cried out, but Souko had felt her having nightmares sometimes, just from the way she’d always draw in her knees and ball up her fists, coiling herself tightly, like she was retreating into a shell. Sometimes she gnashed her teeth.

Looking back, Souko wished she’d had the courage to reach over and shake Reiko awake, to ask if everything was okay. But instead she just carried the weight of Reiko’s fears without knowing what they were. Maybe Reiko had felt the same, when Souko had forced a smile through another dizzy spell or failed to mention she’d been at the hospital earlier that day.

Natsume, on the other hand, apparently confided in Tanuma. Even though they clearly had their struggles, she was a little childishly jealous they were even able to voice their worries at such a young age.

But it was also a relief. Another confirmation that Natsume had the help she hadn’t been able to give Reiko.

When Tanuma and Souko parted, he was far more cheerful, and he told her that Natsume would meet her the next day. And indeed, the boy had arrived. Finally, he was going to show her this mysterious…something.

“Would you be willing to go on a walk with me?” Natsume asked. “There’s something my grandmother would have wanted you to see. But we’ll have to go through the forest you two used to meet in to get there, and I think the hike will take 20 minutes, so I understand if you don’t want to...”

Souko swallowed. She’d been avoiding that forest this whole trip. She hadn’t been sure she could stand up to the painful memories. But it was different with Natsume Takashi by her side. When she looked at him, she felt like she owed Reiko this, somehow. That this was a journey they’d both always been meant to take.

So she forced herself to adopt a teasing tone. “Are you thinking I’m too old and frail to handle a little hike, Natsume?”

“No, I wasn’t saying—”

“Because I can’t turn down a challenge. Especially not from Reiko’s grandson.”

Natsume noticed her grin and gave a tiny smile of his own. “Then consider it a challenge.”

The terrain of the path was harder on her knees than she remembered. She did have to take things slow—The power of modern medicine had made her childhood illness manageable, but it had never truly left her. She was able to be much more active than she once was, she couldn’t overdo it.

She was glad for her slow pace for once though, she could see Natsume didn’t feel his best either, he walking carefully.  His cat, funnily enough, seemed to realize this too, it started off the journey riding on his shoulder, but then jumped down as soon as Natsume showed visible strain. It fixed him with a glare that was so human-like and uncanny Souko felt a weird prickle on her neck.

“Are you sure you’re all right?” she asked.

Natsume nodded. Souko would have pressed more, but she saw that he was having no problem navigating the path. He seemed at home in the woods, just like Reiko had.

“You really are so much like your grandmother. I feel like I’m constantly seeing new similarities.”

Natsume stopped, looking curiously at her.

“What’s wrong?”

“It’s just uh… they don’t usually say that. I mean, other than us looking alike, of course. Usually they tell me about how different we are.”

Souko’s eyebrows drew together. “What do they say is different?”

Natsume looked slightly embarrassed and gave a little shrug. “I’m not… strong and tough like she was, generally. I’m kind of soft.”

Souko snorted, which seemed to startle Natsume. “Excuse me, who said that? Sounds like a rude old ass!” If they were old enough to know Reiko, they should be old enough to know better!

Natsume’s eyes widened, then he got a mischievous smile. “You’re right about that. It’s mainly this cranky old man I know. He loves to complain. He’s a glutton and freeloader”.

The cat suddenly hissed at Natsume, batting at his ankle. Natsume nudged him away with his foot without even looking down.

But Souko couldn’t even focus on the odd scene, not when her blood was boiling. It was absolutely ridiculous for anyone to think this boy wasn’t strong when he’d been through so much and was still trying so hard.

 “Well, there’s no reason to listen to someone like that!” She snapped. “Macho nonsense. Reiko was “soft” deep down herself.  She wouldn’t have looked after me if she wasn’t. You seem like a gentle boy, but that’s not the same as being weak, Actually, you have to be strong to show that kind of gentleness…to…to let you guard down and believe in people, when so many…!”

 She trailed off, flustered, seeing that Natsume was walking more slowly, chewing his lip and looking down. A flush spreading up his neck and face and his arms were crossed over his body like he wanted to hold his cat, (who now seemed to be glaring at her).

She was overwhelming him. There was so much else she wanted to say, like how it was the hardest, bravest thin to reach out to others in a world that could be so cruel, that Reiko might have envied him for the very things he thought made him “less tough”, that she hoped Reiko been able to let her guard down and show that same gentleness inside her before the end…but it was too much for him, she could see that. Besides, it wasn’t like she really knew how Reiko would have felt. She just knew what she wished for her.

“Natsume,”” she said again. He looked up at her. “You are strong. That’s all I wanted to say.”

“Thank you,” he mumbled, but she could tell he didn’t believe her. That was fine. Kana had once said a similar thing to her, when she’d apologized to her for crying too much, and she hadn’t believed it then either. But she’d realized that Kana was right eventually, and he would realize the same someday.

They walked in silence for a while, until they made it to the clearing she remembered so well.

It looked as if no time had passed. Staring at the rock and hearing the wind whistle through the trees, it was like a part of herself had never really left here. A little piece of her had kept waiting for Reiko, longing to see her, to apologize, to explain.

But it was over now. She knew she could never see Reiko again. There was no reason to keep waiting.

“Are you all right?” Natsume muttered. He was looking at the clearing like it was something haunted and empty. He seemed to understand its significance, somehow.

“I’m fi—” she instinctively said, but then realized it was bit hypocritical to hide her feelings after giving Natsume such a dramatic speech. “It’s sad but…this is where I met her. That’s the one thing I’ll never regret.”

She walked forward, brushing her fingers against the broad stone that had harbored her, the place where Reiko had slept by her side, where they had talked, where she’d driven Reiko away. It was warm in the summer sun. It almost felt alive.

Thank you,” she thought.“…And goodbye.”

She turned around and faced Natsume, eyes full of tears. “Let’s march on, shall we?”

Natsume glanced around, then nodded at her.

After they left the clearing and returned to the forest path, Souko started to hear strange rustling noises. She frowned at the thicket, wondering if an animal was following them.

“Do you want to take a break?” Natsume asked abruptly.

She wasn’t too winded, but a break was a good idea for Natsume’s sake. He looked tired. She sat down on a tree stump, and gestured at Natsume to join her. His eyes were darting around though, and he shifting a bit. “I need to…”

Suddenly the cat took off, and Natsume looked relieved. “I better go catch Sensei. I’ll be right back. Please wait here!”

He crashed through the thicket and disappeared before Souko could even reply. She jumped up in alarm. If there really was some sort of animal out there, it might attack the boy. She took off after him.

Natsume was much faster than he looked, and he could navigate the forest much better than her. The trees were dense, and she took a while to wend through him. But then she heard Natsume’s voice in the distance. More alarm shot through her. Had it been a person following them? Someone after Natsume? He didn’t sound scared, but…

She rushed forward, and soon saw Natsume through the trees, standing in a clearing. She was about to call out to him, but then she noticed something. No one else was in the clearing. Natsume was talking to the air.

“—understand wanting to see her, but you’re making so much noise that even she can hear.”

Natsume paused for a few seconds and then smiled. “I told you it was really her!”

Another pause. Souko’s heart beat rapidly.

“Really? Why did you think that?” Natsume titled his head. A few more seconds and then, “Oh. I think waiting probably just got painful. Or she moved or got busy…it could have been a lot of things.”

Another pause, and the boy’s face turned almost unbearably gentle. “Yeah. I’m glad too.”

Souko just stood there, her mouth dry, her mind whirring.

She remembered how both the boy and Reiko sometimes seemed to be looking at something that wasn’t there. She remembered that last afternoon she'd spent with Reiko, the heaviness on her shoulders and the chill on her neck. Reiko had suddenly shouted…she’d thought it was at her. But when she was sick in bed after, she’d started to wonder about that. She couldn’t stop thinking that Reiko’s eyes had been fixed on something behind her. Reiko, who’d always acted like she needed to protect Souko from something. Reiko, who’d was always so tense and alert. Reiko, who’d seemed like she lived in a different world sometimes…

It was such an impossible thing to believe, but she could feel the truth of it in her bones. Reiko and her grandson both saw and heard things normal people couldn’t. And whatever it was they saw, one of them was right here, speaking with Natsume.

It was apparently friendly, though. And it was…asking about her? It knew her? Had it watched her when she was a child? She shivered, rubbing her arms. Creepy but…at least Natsume seemed to trust it. And it wasn’t like this invisible thing could have introduced itself to her.

She was burning with curiosity now. She wanted to burst through the brush and ask Natsume who the hell this was and if it had known Reiko too and a million other questions. She took a step forward, but then she froze.

“Natsume Reiko is crazy. She hurts kids out of nowhere, she gets angry and yells at nothing, she’s a total delinquent. If you see her, stay away!"

“…It wasn’t their fault. I was a difficult child.”

Both Reiko and her grandson had spent their lives being hurt and ostracized because of what they saw and who they were. Souko was sure when they were younger, they’d told people about what they saw. But their honesty had just been repaid with rejection, anger, and mockery. That was why Reiko had kept it a secret. That was why Natsume had hid it from her. It was something painful to them, and something they couldn’t trust many people with.

She’d never earned that trust with Reiko. Maybe if things had gone differently, she could have. But she’d slammed those doors shut by believing in those silly rumors.

She hadn’t earned Natsume’s trust either. If she burst in there saying she’d discovered his secret, it might unsettle him. Even if she assured him she believed him, he might pull away, just like Reiko had.

He deserved to tell her on his terms. Maybe one day he would trust her enough to share this with her. But for now...

Natsume was still talking to the air and Souko thought she heard another voice too, a cranky middle-aged man telling Natsume to hurry up. As much as she wanted to listen in and figure out where that voice was coming from (she had a strong suspicion), she made herself turn away. Each step away was painful, but she wasn’t going to hurt another Natsume, no matter what.

As she walked back, she thought about Reiko’s cuts and bruises again…there had been a wound Reiko had passed off as a dog bite one time, though it hadn’t looked like one…the chill inside Souko deepened. Reiko had died young. So had Natsume’s parents. What if it wasn’t illness? When she met Natsume, he’d tumbled out of those woods, his arm jerking like something had grabbed it. He had bruises just like Reiko…those things hurt him too. Had they killed Reiko? Would they kill him as well?

And even if it was true, what could she even do about it? Her hands balled into fists, her nails digging into her palms. Nothing. She couldn’t do anything, not when she couldn’t even see or touch these things.

Maybe this was another reason Reiko had never told her.

Was there anyone who could help this boy? Whatever had grabbed him back when she met him had let go after all…there’s been that rush of air…something must have protected him. (She remembered the cat coming out of the woods…hmmm.) And he was talking to that one back there like it was a friend. They weren’t all bad, clearly. So maybe some of them were looking out for him?

 But what about humans? Did he have anyone who knew, anyone who could help? She recalled Tanuma and Taki. The way he’d said ‘the usual’ when they’d asked about the bruise, in a tone like they should know what he was talking about. And Tanuma…he’d been a strangely surprised when she said Reiko wasn’t sickly.

The memory of her last time with Reiko came back again, the suffocating feeling, the weight on her shoulders, the cold sweat…that had all been because of those things Reiko saw. No wonder Natsume got sick all the time. If Tanuma knew about that, it would be a shock that Reiko had been so healthy.

So Natsume, at least, had found people he trusted enough to tell. People who believed him. That was something. She smiled to herself, but there was a bittersweet taste in her mouth. She hoped Reiko had found the same thing before the end. Maybe she’d even met someone else who could see the and felt a little less alone. Whether it was Natsume’s grandfather, or someone else, she really wanted that for her.

Souko reached the spot where Natsume had left her. She still felt a little lightheaded. She leaned against the tree, panting.

“Sorry for making you wait!” She heard the boy’s voice and jerked her head up. He’d emerged from the trees and was wearing a polite smile, but it fell away when he saw Souko’s face.  “Are you okay?” He asked for what felt like the hundredth time today. “What’s wrong?”

“Nothing!” Souko said with a tight smile, swallowing down everything she wanted to say. Sweat was still beading down her forehead, and her hands were still shaking a little, and of course Natsume had picked up on that. “It’s nothing. Hot flash.”

“Oh,” said Natsume in the tone of someone who’d heard the phrase before but had no idea what it meant and was too polite to ask. “Should we…” he hesitated.

“And I lose the competition? Not on your life.” She forced a laugh. “I’m fine.”

Natsume looked unsure but nodded.

She tried to make small talk with Natsume to keep what she’d seen out of her head. However, every time the roly-poly cat glanced at her, she couldn’t stop speculating about that eerily intelligent gaze.

A cranky old man, a glutton and a freeloader…

God, it was going to be hard to get used to all this.

Natsume was still looking at her with concern, and she couldn’t add to a child’s burden. It was infuriating, knowing she couldn’t help but…she breathed in about out slowly. Be an adult. She heard Kana’s voice stern voice, always there to ground her when she’d been freaking out about all the things that could happen to their daughter (or granddaughter, now). Focus on what you can do. Focus on being there for the kid right now.

“How much longer until we reach this special place you’re showing me?” she said in an attempt at a jovial voice.

“We’re almost there,” Natsume said as they emerged from the woods. He pointed at a tall grassy hill. “Just one uphill climb.”

“Our final challenge, eh?”

Embarrassingly, she did almost slip on the climb up, and Natsume had to grab her hand. She was panting by the time they reached the top.

But all distress was forgotten when she saw the field of brilliant blue flowers.

"This is what my grandmother wanted to you to see,” Natsume said quietly. “She wanted to take you here.”

A lump was growing in Souko’s throat and hot tears burned her eyes. “She…she did?”

She’d never seen flowers this shade of blue. It was like the sky was stretching out below her.

As she made her way down the hill, the memory tore through her.

“It’s azure. Just like your name.”

Reiko.

She let the tears flow, not trying to stop them. Natsume didn’t say anything. He just sat down with her, and they watched the flowers sway in the wind.

Reiko must have been listening when Souko talked about planting flowers. Maybe that was where she’d gotten the idea. You were always so much more tender than you let on, Reiko.

She wondered if the being Natsume had been talking to was here with them right now. It had to be the one who told Natsume that Reiko had wanted to take her here. Had Reiko told the creature that directly?

She felt so raw and exposed. She wanted to be angry at this thing for intruding, but Natsume wouldn’t have known about all this without it, and neither would she.

She lost herself in the endless azure, breathing in the sweet scent. There was a world somewhere where she and Reiko had gone here together. What would have changed between them?

When she closed her eyes, she could see it. Her teasingly putting a flower in Reiko’s hair, Reiko gruffly pushing her away, plucking the flower out of her hair and putting it behind Souko's ear instead. Souko carefully weaving a flower crown, telling Reiko how to do it, Reiko shaking her head but still watching Souko with care in her eyes. Their fingers brushing together. Souko blushing shyly, feeling Reiko's hesitancy as she took her hand...

The visions were so clear, Souko wondered if she’d nodded off for a second. But when she looked over at Natsume, still sitting there, he showed no reaction. He just tilted his head at her. “Is everything okay? Do you like the flowers?”

“It’s wonderful,” Souko told him in a rough, wrecked voice. She reached down, plucking one, cradling it in her palm.

“I’m glad.” Natsume’s smile was blinding. “I told you I wanted to show you something. It’s about my grandmother too.”

Natsume reached into his back. He scanned around, eyes narrowed. as if looking for someone who might overhear. Then he took out a scuffed old green notebook. He held it gingerly, as if it were precious cargo.

“This is…this is a notebook of my grandmother’s. She kept it because she wanted to continue the game she played with you. When she met someone, she would challenge them to a game, and if she won, they’d give their name and she’d…well…”

Souko read the label. “Natsume’s Book of Friends”.

“She wrote the names in here?”

“Yes.”

Souko snorted, startling Natsume. “That’s…so ridiculously, wonderfully Reiko. I bet she won every game.”

“She did,” Natsume laughed. “A lot of them got pretty frustrated about that.”

“Did…she stay in touch with the people who gave her their names?” Souko already knew the answer but she asked anyway.

Natsume’s smile fell. “No. She never went back to see them a second time,”

Souko swallowed. Because she thought I never came back for her. Because she didn’t want to be hurt again. She just made a good memory, and left before she could get attached.

Natsume seemed to know what she was thinking. “It’s not your fault. Honestly, without you, I don’t know if she would have even reached out in the first place. I think she…wanted to keep you with her, in some way. So she carried on the game you played.”

Souko nodded tightly. She reached out and touched the book. It was surprisingly sturdy, considering how torn and dirty it was. She could tell Natsume had tried to clean it up, but Reiko really must have put this book through hell. Reiko had always been pretty sloppy. Though, looking more closely, some of the tears on the cover seemed…no, she was being paranoid.

She realized she was brushing her fingers against the notebook tenderly and snatched her hand back. Natsume didn’t look judgemental though, his expression was soft.

“I can’t show you the inside, sorry. It wouldn’t be fair to those whose names are in there. I owe them their privacy. Also, please don’t tell anyone about it, I know my grandmother would want it to be private.”

“I won’t,” she promised, trying not to laugh. He was so damn responsible. He was acting like this book was solemn burden he carried…an then she realized it with a start. It probably wasn’t human names in this book. The “friends” Reiko had made…they were probably those creatures only she and he could see.

She bit the inside of her cheek. What did it mean, to be carrying those names? Was it different than knowing a human’s name?

“I wanted to show it to you, though,” Natsume continued. “Because it means a lot to me. It’s the only thing I have left of my grandmother”

Meaning his relatives had gotten rid of everything else Reiko had left behind. A wave of fury crested inside her. She’d never been a violent person, but if she ever met one of these people, that might change.

Natsume seemed to notice the tension, so she forced herself to relax. “Keep talking,” she said brightly, perhaps a little too much so.

Natsume nodded. “I…I’ve been seeking out the names in this book. And I’ve met so many important people because of it.” There was only a millisecond’s hesitation before “people”, but Souko had been listening for it, so she caught it. “Friends I could never replace. Some of them so…some of them I can’t even imagine what my life would be like without them anymore.” Again, because she was looking for it, she saw his eyes flick ever so briefly to his cat, who was frolicking in the flowers.

A pretty definite confirmation of her suspicions, but Souko barely cared. Her heart was squeezing tighter at every word Natsume said, and she thought it might burst.

“You stay in touch with Reiko’s friends, don’t you? You get to know them in a way she couldn’t.”

“Some of them,” Natsume said. “For some of them, it goes less well but...either way, I learn so much about Reiko through them. It’s as if I actually know her, sometimes. And if it weren’t for this…I wouldn’t have been able to meet her. And so many others.” He swallowed. “It sounds dramatic to say it, but this book changed everything for me. My whole life. And it would never have existed if it weren’t for you. So...thank you so much for connecting me with my grandmother. Thank you for giving me something irreplaceable.”

His cheeks were bright red. It must have been hard for him to say all that. Souko didn’t know what to say in response. Her chest was so tight, and so many feelings were warring inside her.

“I-I didn’t really do anything, though.”

“You cared about her. You talked to her and you wanted to be with her. That means a lot. For all we know, you might have been the first person who ever did. It definitely wasn’t something she experienced a lot.”

It was surprisingly blunt for him, and it was a punch in the gut. But Natsume wasn’t done. “I think part of her must have known that. That’s why she couldn’t let that memory go. And that was why she left something behind for me.”

Another lump in her throat. This boy was determined to make her cry at least 20 times today. She swallowed it down though. “Fine, you’re so insistent, I’ll take all the credit,” she said teasingly. “You really owe me, kid.”

 Natsume looked like he wanted to roll his eyes but seemed to stop himself at the last minute. Souko wished he could feel comfortable enough around her to fully be himself. But that was probably always a slow process with him.

“More seriously, I think you’re the one who changed your life, Natsume, but I’m glad Reiko could help. It means a lot to me to know she’s still” She looked across the endless blue. “She… changed my life too. When I first met my wife, Kana, there were a lot of nasty rumors about her at our university.”

 “Watch out for her” “She’s scary and violent” “She’ll try to turn girls against their boyfriends because she’s jealous that she can’t get one” “I even heard she does things to girls” “I heard she got a girl kicked out of college and disowned by her parents”. In hindsight, it was clear where all this fear had come from, but she had been too naïve to put the pieces together back then.

“If it had been the younger me,” Souko continued, “The one who was easily swayed by rumors, I would have stayed away. But because of Reiko, I knew I needed to form my own opinion. So I sat down beside the girl with kind eyes and asked to be lab partners. And by the end of that lab, I was in love.”

Reiko had taught her to reach out, to stay, while Souko had just taught Reiko to move on more quickly. It was a bitter thing. But Reiko had touched so many lives. Maybe one of them had convinced her it was okay to stay too.

She and Natsume sat watching the flowers for a long time in comfortable silence, as Natsume’s cat continued to chase grasshoppers in an adorable frenzy. Souko ended up dozing off, and when she jerked awake, twilight was dying the sky a faint purple.

She thought she heard Natsume murmuring to someone, but he stopped immediately upon seeing her wake. The cat was curled on his lap now.

“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to…” she yawned. Her back was aching fiercely.

“Don’t be sorry,” Natsume said. “I slept a little too. Did you have a good rest?”

“…Yes.” It would have been nice to say she dreamed about Reiko, that they got to see each other one last time, that she got to say goodbye. But if she had, she didn’t remember it. Still, she was content.

“Thank you,” she told Natsume, her voice cracking. “For showing me all this.”

“Not at all. I always wanted to go here myself.”

The boy truly didn’t realize what he’d done for her. She wished she could repay him. Especially now that she knew the horrors he was dealing with. But she was helpless, all over again.

Focus on what you can do. Kana’s voice echoed again.

“Natsume,” she said. “Would you like to come to a dinner with my family before we go? They’d love to meet you, and I’d love to give you some good food as payback for all you’ve done.”

“Oh, you don’t have to pay me back for anything!” Natsume flushed. “I couldn’t—”

“You can invite Taki and Tanuma too. Even the kitty’s welcome, I can make shrimp for him.”

The cat’s eyes went wide, and he started yowling, wiggling in Natsume’s grip.

“Sensei,” Natsume scolded. “I’m sure Tanuma and Taki would love to come, but all the trouble—”

“Natsume,” she said gently. “You said you’ve made a lot of friends through Reiko. I know it’s presumptuous, but if you want, I’d love to be one of them. My family would adore you, and I’d like it if this wasn’t the last time we saw each other. But if you’re uncomfortable with it, I won’t--”

“No, no,” Natsume shook his head vehemently. “I’d like that too. I’d like to keep in touch. I’ll ask Tanuma and Taki. Thank you.”

“Great,” Souko said with a laugh.

She took one last look at the field of beauteous blue.

She'd always wish she could have done more for Reiko. But at least they’d changed each other a little bit…and that small change had led to the birth of something new and irreplaceable. In her case, it was meeting the love of her life. In Reiko’s case, it was Natsume Takashi, holding that book she had left behind like a lifeline, making connections to those she abandoned, finding happiness and acceptance after being denied it for so long.

It was worth it, wasn’t it, Reiko?

She noticed she was still holding the little flower she'd plucked. She chuckled softly and put it behind her ear. Then she and Natsume Takashi started the long walk home.

A Million Almosts- a Natsume Yuujinchou Fanfic

Here's the first part of the little fic about an older Souko and her feelings about Reiko I've been writing. It might be a while before I have time to do the second part, so, I thought I might as well post it and try not to put too much pressure on myself.

I've finally put it on ao3! The link to the fic is here.

---

It was such a long time ago. Why can’t I just forget about her?

When Kana suggested a family trip to the pastoral paradise Souko had recovered her health in as a teenager, Souko had agreed happily. And they were having a lovely time. Her granddaughter loved running through the unspoiled nature, screaming her little head off. Her daughter was taking so many pictures that Souko wondered how she had any storage left on her phone. And her wife was just soaking it all in, asking Souko all kinds of questions about the time she’d spent here.

She should just be relaxing and having fun. It was silly how her stomach turned whenever she caught a glimpse of that forest, how she couldn’t bring herself to walk there with her family even though it looked as beautiful as ever, how she was so afraid of strolling to the next town over.

Why was Natsume Reiko still haunting her like this?

Of course, Kana noticed Souko’s sighs and frowns. Souko could never hide it from her when anything was wrong. “It’s been bothering you, hasn’t it?”

Souko flushed, ashamed. “I’m so sorry. It shouldn’t matter anymore. I just…I just want to know if she’s okay. I want to hope that her life got better after…me.”

 Was it hurting Kana, knowing this was something she still worried about? How could she even be thinking of the past, instead of focusing on her wonderful present? Why was this regret as sharp and biting as ever?

But Kana simply took her hand, rubbing gentle circles on her palm with her thumb. “Souko, you have nothing to be ashamed of. It’s natural to think about your first love, and it’s natural to want her to be happy. Did you think I’d be jealous? Honestly!”

Souko shook her head, eyes burning. “I know. It’s silly. I know you better than that.”

“I remember how relieved I felt I saw Emi again with that big grin on her face! I’d never judge you for wanting the same. You should go. You might not find anything, but either way, you’ll know you tried, and it will be a load off your mind.” Kana cupped Souko's cheek, gently wiping her tears.

Souko put her hand over Kana’s and leaned forward, kissing her deeply.

So here she was, strolling through Reiko’s hometown, her nerves jangling. Now that she was here, she wondered what she should even do. The chances Reiko still lived here were very slim, and the chances of Souko just running into her on the street were even slimmer. Should she go around and just ask random people her age about Reiko? What had she been thinking, honestly?

She remembered how lost and clueless she’d been when she first walked through this town as a child, trying desperately to find Reiko. Apparently she hadn’t changed much.

She was about to turn around and leave when a boy suddenly tumbled out of nearby grove of trees. He pitched forward as if he’d been shoved, fell head over heels down the grassy slope, and finally skidded to stop when he reached the sidewalk in front of her, knees and palms hitting the concrete. He hunched over, panting. Then suddenly his arm shot straight up in the air, and he cried out, jerking his arm like he was tugging on something. There was a gust of cold wind, one that made Souko shudder, and the boy dropped his arm. His whole body seemed to relax, but his breathing was still shallow and strained. He glanced over his shoulder.

The people in front of Souko had halted, and she could see people across the street staring too. A man in front of her asked if the boy was okay, and he nodded. Souko heard the boy mumble "I’m sorry.”  The man walked away quickly, giving the boy a ridiculously wide berth, even though the kid hadn’t moved from the ground and was clearly not actually okay. His head was bowed and he was shaking slightly.

Souko rushed forward, dropping to her knees. Her back protested at this, but she ignored it. “Are you hurt anywhere? Do you need to go to the hospital? I can help.”

“Thank you, but I’m fine.” The boy looked up at her and Souko felt like she'd been hit by a truck.

Golden eyes with curious cat-like pupils. Soft, fine hair framing delicate features. A perfect, carefully practiced smile. An ugly bruise on the forehead, and she could almost hear her voice saying “Don’t worry about it.”

“R-Reiko!” She gasped. She scrambled to her feet, stumbling backwards. The phantom of her first love had appeared, gleaming in the sunlight, looking just as she had the day she met her. What on earth was going on?

The boy blinked at her, stunned, and she came back to herself. No, of course it wasn’t Reiko. This was just a child who looked painfully like her. As impossible as it seemed, that was all it was.

She ran her trembling fingers through her hair, trying to appear calm.

“Sorry about that, you just looked like someone I used to—"

But the boy’s eyes widened and he looked up at her intently.

“You knew my grandmother?”

“Grand…mother?” she said faintly.

The boy’s expression had transformed from practiced politeness to something raw and eager. “My name is Natsume Takashi. Natsume Reiko was my grandmother. Did you know her?”

“Oh…” Souko breathed. A grandson. Of course. Reiko had grown old just as she had, and had a family now, just like she did. A combination of nostalgia and excitement rushed through her. That meant Reiko had people she loved, surely. Just like Souko had always hoped, Reiko wasn’t alone anymore. Maybe she was even happy.

 She couldn’t imagine Reiko as a grandmother, but she wanted to see it, wanted to see Reiko with her grandson, gray in her hair and a twinkle in her eyes.

She smiled at Natsume Takashi. “It’s very nice to meet you. My name is Morinaga Souko. I did know your grandmother briefly, back when we were teenagers. It was a long time ago though, she probably doesn’t remember me—”

Natsume Takashi let out a loud gasp, jumping to his feet so suddenly that Souko stumbled back again. “You’re Souko?! You’re really Souko?!”

“Er, yes?”

The boy’s face split into the widest smile Souko had ever seen. It was almost blinding, that smile, so different from polite one he’d worn earlier.

It reminded Souko of the first time Reiko had truly smiled at her, right after she gave her the blue candy.  It had been so warm, so dazzling, such a contrast to that empty, bland one she usually sported, the one that didn’t even reach her eyes.

That smile is the best thing I’ve ever seen, she’d thought at the time. I want to make her smile like that until it’s as natural as breathing to her, until she never needs to fake a smile again. I want to see that smile for the rest of my life.

She imagined, she hoped, that Natsume Takashi had learned his smile from Reiko. That she grinned at him like that all the time.

“I can’t believe it! I’ve always hoped I’d meet you one day!” The boy was practically vibrating with excitement, for some reason.

“I…I’m sorry, I don’t understand. You’ve heard about me?”

Just then, she was interrupted by a grumpy meow. The strangest cat she’d ever seen was stalking out of the grove of trees and down the grassy slope. Its head was enormous, almost the size of his bowling ball shaped body. She had no idea how that head wasn’t snapping his little neck—if it had one at all.

Natsume Takashi didn’t seem bothered by its appearance. “Nyanko-sensei!” he called out to it. Was that seriously what he’d named the cat? “Nyanko-sensei, look! It’s Souko! Can you believe it!”

The cat made a grumbling sound like it was actually conversing with the boy, and Souko couldn’t help it, she burst out laughing.

Natsume Takashi flushed. “Ah, sorry. That must have seemed strange…”

“I like talking to my cat too, don’t worry. But it’s like yours actually answers back! How cute.” Souko wiped her eyes, and a genuine smile returned to the boy’s face.

The cat reached the boy, and it climbed up on him and settled onto his shoulder, making her laugh more. But then the cat gave her a long look, its unsettling pitch black eyes staring a hole through her. She shivered slightly, and Natsume Takashi lightly bopped that cat on the head. “Sensei, you’re making Souko uncomfortable.”

Then he flushed again. “Oh, sorry! I-I shouldn’t be calling you that. I apologize for being disrespectful, Ms. Morinaga, I—”

“Souko’s just fine,” she told him. He looked disbelieving at this. “I mean it, you can call me Souko, your grandmother did. And what do you like to be called?”

“Oh, uh, people usually just call me Natsume. I understand if that’s confusing for you though, with my grandmother—”

“No, Natsume’s just fine. But could you tell me how you know who I am, Natsume? Did…” Did Reiko tell you about me? She wanted to ask, but then she got a tap on her shoulder.

“Have you not noticed all the people moving around you two? You’re blocking the sidewalk.” The woman’s tone was extremely nasty, a little over-the-top for the situation.

Natsume looked mortified and immediately started apologizing, but Souko simply turned back to talk to him. “There’s a park near here, I think. Would you mind if we went there to talk?”

“Of course not! I’d really like to talk to you.”

As Natsume nodded eagerly, Souko noticed that the bruise wasn’t the only injury he was sporting, he had some cuts on his arm, long thin scratches, and his nose was bleeding slightly. His palms were scrape, and she imagined his knees were too. “We can also treat your injuries…I have some ointment and other supplies with me.” Her granddaughter was prone to mishaps, so she’d taken to keeping some medicine and band-aids in her bag.

Natsume’s cheeks turned a faint pink “It’s really fine. Don’t worry about it!”

Souko’s heart squeezed. He sounded so like Reiko. She’d always said the same thing when she’d arrived with random cuts and bruises. Like she was so used to such a thing it wasn’t even worth thinking about.

So Souko said what she’d wished she said back then. “Let me worry all I want. I just want to help you out.”

The boy looked a little surprised, but he nodded. The woman behind them cleared her throat, apparently incapable of walking around them, so Souko and Natsume got moving.

As she walked beside the boy, she couldn’t help but notice more similarities to Reiko. Little things she still remembered even after all these years. Like Reiko, this boy was incredibly alert. Not in a jittery way, he carried himself calmly just like she had, but whenever there was the smallest noise, his eyes would quickly flit in that direction. He’d scan around him, like he expected something to jump out at any minute. When they entered the park, he stared at an empty spot of grass for several seconds, even though there was nothing there, just as his grandmother had often done. He slipped into a casual protective stance, one she only recognized because she’d studied Reiko so intently in her youth. He shifted his weight, subtly shielding her, shoulders tense and eyes hard.

She’d always swooned when Reiko did this, but now she just felt annoyed that this teenager thought he needed to protect an adult from…whatever. She was getting up there, yes, but she wasn’t helpless. But she forced down her irritation. Maybe like Reiko, he wasn’t used to adults looking after him.

She sat Natsume down on a park bench, and he finally seemed to relax. She tended to him immediately, taking out her supplies. He looked sheepish, but submitted gracefully. She dabbed a little ointment on his bruise, cleaned his cuts, and put on band-aids on him. “I’m hope you don’t mind the dinosaur pattern. My granddaughter loves them”.

“I don’t mind,” Natsume laughed. His laugh was easy and light, another thing he shared with Reiko. Souko handed him some tissues, which he obediently pressed to his nose. She sat down next to him, and finally finished asking the question that had been burning this whole time. “How do you know my name, Natsume? Did your grandmother tell you about me?”

Natsume’s eyes lowered. “Not exactly. I…have something sad to tell you about Reiko.”

Souko’s heart sank. She somehow knew exactly what he was going to say. “Go ahead.”

“She…my grandmother passed away”.

Souko sucked in a deep breath. Her eyes burned. She couldn’t cry about this, it  would be silly to cry over this, she’d only known Reiko for a short time, so many years ago. But she’d always hoped that she’d be able to apologize to her one day. That she’d be able to see Reiko’s happiness and Reiko could see hers.

“I’m so sorry for your loss. Was it recent?” She hoped he didn’t notice that her voice was shaking. But the pity in his eyes told her he did.

“No. My grandmother died before I was born.”

Souko sucked air through her teeth. “How…how old?”

Natsume looked at her miserably. “I don’t know exactly, I’m sorry. I think it was probably somewhere in her mid-to-late twenties. Though it could be early thirties.”

“Mid to late—” Souko couldn’t help it, tears were falling fast down her face now. So young! So young! It wasn’t fair at all. Reiko hadn’t gotten to meet her grandchild. Reiko hadn’t been able to see her child grow up. She’s hardly had time to enjoy being an adult… Why did Souko get that joy, and Reiko didn’t?

Natsume dug around in his pocket and handed her his handkerchief. She was surprised at a teenage boy carrying one, but she took it and dabbed her eyes. Natsume looked at her sorrowfully.

“I’m…I’m sorry,” she said.

“Don’t be. Thank you for caring about her so much.” He said softly.

“But, if you never met her, who told you about me?”

Natsume hesitated. “It was…a friend of hers. I’ve been going around trying to find out more about my grandmother, talking to people who knew her. She told him what happened, and he told me.”

That was surprising. She wondered if Reiko had told him about her bitterly, angrily. She wondered if Reiko’s friend and her grandson knew how completely she’d failed Reiko. But even if that was the case, she was just glad Reiko'd had a friend to talk to.

“I need to tell you something else,” Natsume said, his voice suddenly urgent. She raised her eyebrows.

“What is it?”

“Reiko wanted to see you again. She came back to the forest the next day, and she waited the day after too. But then she assumed you weren’t coming back, and she never went back to that forest again".

Souko’s mouth fell open.

 “She…she did?” Souko squeaked. She felt like her heart was going to burst and rip a hole right through her. She clutched a shaking hand to her chest. “I-I wanted to see her again too, I wanted to apologize so badly, but I got sick. I was in bed for two days, but I did come on the third day, I swear I did.”

Natsume nodded, like he’d already known that, which was strange. But then he said, “When I heard the story, I thought it might be something like that. Reiko…she tended to assume the worst.”

Her tears were falling thick and fast now. She was absolutely soaking the kid’s handkerchief. “You’re sweet to say that, but It was my fault, if I hadn’t said what I said…All this time, I assumed it must have hurt her so much she didn’t want to see me again, it hadn’t even occurred to me that we’d missed each other.”

“You couldn’t have known. And Reiko didn’t begrudge you either, I’m very sure of that. It wasn’t your fault you got sick. I’m guessing you came as soon as you could.”

“I couldn’t even walk far without collapsing the first two days…I dragged myself there as soon as I could, and I waited every day for two months…” She started laughing uncontrollable, hiccuping so hard it hurt her throat. “God, it’s so incredibly stupid, isn’t it? An utterly ridiculous misunderstanding!”

“Did I upset you by telling you this?” Natsume said. He was looking over her face anxiously, like he could unlock a way to fix her distress if he concentrated hard enough.

“No, no, I want to know the truth.” Souko sniffled. Now that the shock was wearing off, a strange warmth was filling her. “Reiko really didn’t hate me? She still…wanted to be friends?”

“She cared about you a lot,” Natsume said softly. “I think if she’d learned the truth, she’d have felt just as distressed. But neither of you were really at fault. It was just bad luck…and Reiko just gave up too quickly. It wasn’t about you. She was just too used to being rejected.”

It honestly didn’t feel real, learning Reiko hadn’t hated her for saying that thoughtless, awful thing. That despite the stupid gossip she’d believed too readily and parroted so cruelly, Reiko had still wanted to see her. Reiko had cared. If they hadn’t missed each other, Reiko would have heard out her apology, and maybe even forgiven her…

Even after all these years, that comment had been one of her biggest regrets. She’d relived it over and over again in her mind, agonizing, wishing she could go back and change it. And Reiko’s grandson…her sweet grandson had lessened the weight of it all.

She wiped at her eyes one more time, trying to pull herself together.

“Thank you, Natsume. It means a lot that you told me this. Is it..is it all right if I ask you a little more about your grandmother?”

“Of course!” Natsume’s eyes lit up again.

Natsume’s cat—what was it, Nyanko-senpai?—had been watching them this whole time, almost as if he were listening to the conversation. But now he yawned, and settled down into Natsume’s lap.

“Is she related to you through your mother, or your father?” Normally she’d include “or are you blood related at all?” as her own daughter had been adopted, but this boy looked far too much like Reiko, it was obviously genetic.

“My mother,” Natsume said.

Souko wondered if Reiko’s daughter looked as similar to Reiko as this boy did.

“Would it be all right if I asked how Reiko died? You don’t have to answer if that’s too much.” But she longed to know. She hoped it had been something quick, something painless. She hoped it hadn’t been a drawn out, painful illness. And if it was, she hoped Reiko had spent that time with her family, getting all the goodbyes and love she needed.

Natsume’s face fell again, and he started fiddling with the sleeve of his hoodie. She was about to apologize for asking, but Natsume said, “I’m sorry. I don’t know how she died.”

“Your mother didn’t tell you?”

“My mother died soon after I was born. My father died when I was young too, so I couldn’t ask him if Mom told him anything.” 

The boy spoke matter of factly, in the tone of someone used to saying this. Souko’s mouth went dry. Her chest ached.

Not only had Reiko died young, but her daughter had too? And her grandson had lost both his parents? It was awful, truly awful. If both mother and daughter had died young, was it something genetic? An illness? Would it happen to Natsume Takashi too?

She didn’t want it to happen, not to boy who radiated kindness the way Reiko always had, but who didn’t mask it like Reiko tried (and usually failed) to do, who was full of obvious love for the grandmother he’d never met. Who carried such a terrible burden, but still looked at her with gentle eyes and comforted her about her small tragedy.

 She was seized by a sudden desire to protect him, to rush him to the best doctors in the world, to fight anything that would dare hurt him. She knew Reiko would have felt the same.

But she controlled herself, wadding her shirt in her hands.

“I’m sorry,” she said again, trying not to let how upset she was bleed into her voice.

“It’s okay. It was a long time ago.“

She paused, her desire to ask more questions battling with her desire not to poke at this boy’s tender spots. He seemed to notice, because he said, "It’s really fine. Please ask any question you want.”

She nodded. “…Do you know anything about your grandfather?”

She said it far too awkwardly. It wasn’t that she felt jealous exactly…it’s just she wanted to know Reiko had been happy with him, the way she was so happy with Kana. She wanted Reiko to have gotten the love she’d deserved. She couldn’t help but imagine what could have been, and she wanted to be sure whoever this man was, he’d given her a better life than she could have…

“I don’t know my grandfather either. No one knows who he was. He wasn’t around after my mother was born. Reiko raised my mother on her own.”

Her insides went cold. Her hands started to shake.

“He left her alone?” The pure ice in her voice startled Natsume.

“I mean, we don’t know that for sure!” Natsume said hastily. “Something could have happened to him. I’ve been looking for information on him too. And uh, I haven’t been able to find much, but I’ve found some things indicating that he might have been in a…dangerous position? Possibly a dangerous profession? I can’t say much more, but it seems complicated. So he might not have…abandoned her. I’m hoping he didn’t.”

Oh, he better have died or something else like that. Because if he didn’t, I’ll kill him myself. But knowing she shouldn’t tell this poor kid about her plans to murder his grandfather, she kept her voice neutral as best she could and said, “I hope so too.”

She couldn’t imagine anyone having Reiko in her arms and not treasuring her, she couldn’t imagine anyone leaving her behind…well, maybe she couldn’t talk, as she’d abandoned Reiko too, hadn’t she? She should have tried harder to find her and apologize to her. She’d only gone into town to look for her that one time. It wasn’t like she could claim she hadn’t hurt her, that she would have made her happy.

But still, what kind of garbage man would leave someone as wonderful as Reiko? Leave her alone with no help raising the child he was equally responsible for! Why was it that Reiko had to endure abandonment, to care for her child alone, to die so young, while Souko was surrounded by love, had a wonderful family, owned a thriving flower shop—she felt like she’d somehow sucked all the happiness out of Reiko’s life, and stolen it for herself.

“Are you okay?” Natsume asked tremulously.

She forced a smile. “Yes. So, I take it there’s nobody else you can ask about your grandfather or her passing?”

“A few of my relatives might know, but I wasn’t in a position to ask them.” He smiled a bit ruefully.

Not in a position to ask? What the hell did that mean?

He seemed to notice her confusion and clarified. “I was passed around by relatives a lot when I was younger before I settled here. They generally didn’t like me asking questions or talking about…” he stopped, looking a little pained, and Souko’s heart broke for him all over again.

Reiko had never said anything, but Souko had sort of picked up she’d lived with relatives or perhaps even strangers who didn’t like her. Maybe she’d noticed the signs because she’d been dealing with the same thing. It wasn’t that her relatives had been cruel to her, they’d just been…not very interested, and sometimes exasperated. It was always made clear to her that they were doing her dad a huge favor by letting her convalesce with them, and she had better be grateful.

So she’d bent over backwards to please them, doing all the chores she could, anxiously trying not to make them feel burdened or frustrated. But no matter how she tried, it never seemed to work, so she’d gone to the forest to be alone at times.

Had Natsume Takashi’s relatives been the same way? What kind of monsters would refuse to answer the questions of an orphan who was trying to know the family he never got to meet? And “passed around”—so none of them wanted to give this sweet, thoughtful boy who’d been through so much a stable home?

“Your relatives should feel ashamed,” she said fiercely. “They should have answered your questions. You deserved the answers.”

Natsume looked briefly startled and then shook his head. “It wasn’t like they were bad people. I was just a very difficult child, and it troubled my guardians, so that made it hard to talk.”

The cat made a small “hmmph” noise, and Souko barely restrained herself from doing the same.

She suddenly realized who else Natsume Takashi reminded her of. Natsume was reminiscent of someone who wasn’t like Reiko at all. The way he apologized so quickly, for things that weren’t even his fault, the way he was always looking at her carefully, looking for any hint of sadness, anger, discomfort, and reorienting himself to make her comfortable, the way he made excuses for people that hurt him. He’d likely spent his life apologizing for existing, pushing down any unpleasant emotion, and blaming himself for the cruelty of others.

He was just like her when she’d been younger.

She could see the pain etched on his face when he talked about these relatives. The pain that was probably etched on her face, the same pain she’d seen in Reiko’s face.

What had they done to him? Anger flowed like molten lava inside her. Reiko would have never stood for someone treating her grandson like this. How dare they.

Natsume, of course, seemed to notice her anger and immediately tried to soothe her. “Like I said, the Fujiwaras- my foster family- are extremely kind. They’ve truly made me feel welcomed and cared for. I… don’t think I could ever repay them.”

Souko let herself relax a little. It was true he seemed happy. He had far more confidence than she’d had as a child, and he was calm and content. He may be eager to please, but he wasn’t desperate. And she could tell he really meant it about his foster family too. The affection in his voice was almost overwhelming.

She hoped Reiko had been able to find that kind of refuge. Even though it seemed more and more unlikely with every thing she learned.

“I’m glad to hear that, Natsume. You deserve it. And a child repays a parent by finding their own happiness. That’s all I want for my daughter, and I’m sure it’s all they want for you.”

Natsume grinned. “You’re very kind. I’m glad I could tell you what my grandmother wasn’t able to. I’ve always wanted to do that, ever since I heard the story.”

Now it was Souko’s turn to fidget awkwardly. “Well, thank you for finding it out and telling me. I can tell you really care about her, even if you never met. Going around researching her like this is a big commitment. Is it just because she’s your family or…?”

Natsume rubbed the back of his neck awkwardly. “I…well, I found out she lived in this town and…well, we’ve got some similarities. Um, I think both of us lost our parents and lived with someone else. And you’ve probably noticed I’m a little…” He ducked his head, face going red as a tomato. “…strange.”

There was a slight shame in his tone she didn’t like. “All the best people are,” she told him firmly.

He let out a surprised laugh at this, and looked her in the eye again. “Thanks. It’s just, I know people felt the same way about Reiko, though. That people…said things about her.”

Myself included, Souko though ruefully.

“And well…I’ve found people who accept me. People who truly make me feel like I belong. I want to know she had that too. I want to know that, in the end, she was happy. I shouldn’t get to have all the happiness for myself.”

Hearing her own thoughts echoed back at her was startling. She and this boy truly had too much in common. But hearing him say it unlocked something in her. “You deserve your happiness. Reiko would want that for you, I’m sure of it.”

Natsume gave her a very gentle look and nodded. “You too.”

She looked away. So he’d noticed their similarities as well.

“It’s actually kind of selfish,” Natsume assured her, like it would be deeply wrong if she thought too well of him. “I think sometimes I wish for her happy ending because that means…well, all this will last for me too.”

“That’s normal,” she reassured him. “It’s normal to want that.”

He nodded slightly, rubbing his eyes.

She leaned back one the bench, feeling almost dizzy with all this information, and burdened by her guilt about digging so deep into this boy’s past. “I’m sorry, I know all those questions must have been overwhelming.”

“Not at all,” Natsume said hastily, before Souko could continue. “I’m glad you want to know so much about her. But um, could I ask you some questions too?”

Souko blinked. “Of course.”

Natsume ducked his head shyly, petting his cat.

“Well, since I saw—heard the story, I’ve always wanted to know if you were doing well.”

She’d expected a question about Reiko. Why was he interested in her? “Yes, I am. I’m very happy. I still get sick somewhat easily, but my health has improved a lot since I was a child.”

“I’m glad,” Natsume said, his eyes shining. “Can I ask what made you come back here?”

“Oh, I decided to take a trip with my wife and our daughter and granddaughter.”

She braced herself. The chance he’d turn disgusted and hostile was sizeable, especially in a small rural town like this. Even in Tokyo, it was a risk, and she’d endured responses like “I mean she’s not your real wife, you know. Even if you got married overseas, it doesn’t count here. Those little certificates you get from Shibuya and other places aren’t real marriages either, you know.”  And then there were the obnoxious comments where she had to force a smile and fend off with a light-hearted comeback. (“Wow, I would have never thought you were a lesbian by looking at you!” “Yes, sadly we don’t come with manufacturing labels.”). And even among those progressive enough not to say things like that, there was that moment of shock and awkwardness to contend with.

But there wasn’t even a flicker of surprise across Natsume’s face, it was like he’d already known this about her. “That’s great! I bet you have a wonderful family.”

“I do,” she said, still reeling a bit. Was she just really obvious when talking about Reiko? Or had Reiko…known? And somehow that had come across in when she told her story?

Well, it didn’t matter. All that mattered was this boy’s acceptance made her feel a little bit like Reiko would have accepted her. Even if Reiko had turned out to be straight (Souko was still unclear whether she was, she knew sleeping with a man didn’t confirm anything, she’d done that once herself, and her own wife was bisexual) perhaps she wouldn’t have shunned Souko.

“You seem so much more confident now too. According to Reiko's friend, you were a little shy back then.”

 “I was definitely a shrinking violet compared to her,” Souko chuckled. “But, I became an adult, I had to fend for myself and I learned some confidence. My wife bought out a lot of my confidence too. She’s just as competitive as I am, so I had to keep up with her”.

Natsume smiled, “So you still like to play games? Like you did with Reiko?”

“Sort of. I save the games like the pebble throwing one for my granddaughter,“ She laughed. “But after Reiko beat me when we were kids, I really sharpened my skills, so I still  play that a lot. Kana is absolutely obsessed with beating me. I keep telling her it’s never going to happen. Just like I’ll never be able to run as fast as she does."

With a pang, she realized that it would have been fun to have a rematch with Reiko. But now she never would.

Natsume had that tender, wistful look about him again. “Souko, I want to show you something la—”

“Natsume!”

The boy whipped his head around and then waved to two teenagers in the distance. A tall boy with shaggy hair and a girl with a shoulder length bob were walking up the park path, and they made a beeline for Natsume. As they approached, Souko noticed the shaggy-haired boy was squinting at her suspiciously for some reason, his eyes flicking tensely between her and Natsume.

“Taki! Tanuma!” Natsume said happily. “What are you doing here?”

“We were on our way to meet you! We’re doing a study group, remember?” the girl named Taki replied.

“But I thought that was later—” Natsume checked his watch and groaned “Agh, I didn’t realize what time it was.”

“Who is this, Natsume?” the boy called Tanuma said urgently. He was still looking at her with suspicion.

“Oh, this is Morinaga Souko! She was a friend of my grandmother’s!”

Natsume saying she’d been Reiko’s friend made her flush a bit. It was nice to hear, but it also didn’t exactly feel like the truth. But if Reiko hadn’t been a friend, what was she to Souko?

Souko was derailed from that train of thought by a little squeal from Taki. The cat immediately jumped off Natsume’s lap and ran for the hills with surprising speed considering it’s stubby legs and rotund body.

But instead of looking at the cat, Taki clapped her hands excitedly, beaming at Natsume and then Souko. Tanuma and Natsume looked flabbergasted by this, as if they’d just seen Taki throw away 100 million yen.

“A friend of your grandmother’s! Natsume, that’s so wonderful.”

Natsume smiled shyly. Taki turned to Souko now, and with a quick bow she said “My name is Taki Tooru. It’s nice to meet you.”

Souko responded likewise, still a bit taken aback by the girl’s enthusiasm.

“I lost my own grandfather, so I always treasure when someone can share memories and stories about him,” Taki explained. “Natsume, I’m so glad you can talk to someone who remembers her!”

Natsume shifted with embarrassment, but that soft sincere smile remained.  “Thank you. I’m really glad too, that Souko was willing to talk to her about me”.

Tanuma had stopped glaring at Souko, and now was looking at Natsume with such deep fondness that it was a little bit overwhelming to watch. Most of the tension had left his body too, though he still seemed slightly on guard.

“Natsume, you’re the one who’s been helping me out,” Souko told him. “It means a lot to me that you told me what happened to Reiko, and how she really felt. It’s wonderful to know she has such a caring grandson. It sounds like you have something to do with your friends, but if there’s anything I can do for you, let me know.”

Taki actually clasped her hands at this. “Thank you!” she said at the same time Natsume did. Tanuma unsuccessfully hid his laughter behind his hand. Natsume’s lip trembled like he wanted to start chuckling too, though he forced a stoic expression. Taki looked chagrined, but Souko patted her hand.

“I can tell you’re a wonderful friend, Taki.” Her eyes flicked over to Tanuma, wondering if she should say it was nice to meet him considering they hadn’t spoken, but before she could decide, he gave his own polite bow. “I’m Tanuma Kaname. Sorry I didn’t introduce myself sooner.”

“That’s all right. Nice to meet you, Tanuma. You can both call me Souko.”

Natsune rose from the bench, looking a bit trepidacious. “Um, Souko, how long will you be staying around here?”

“Another week.”

“Would you mind…would you mind meeting up one more time? I want to talk a little more. There’s a few more things I want to tell you about Reiko…and something I wanted to show you.”

“I’d love to!” Souko said and his face lit up.

They exchanged phone numbers and agreed to meet in two days. Tanuma and Taki told Natsume they could skip the study session if he wanted to talk more to Souko, but he shook his head. “I need to get ready,” he said cryptically.

Souko waved goodbye as the three kids left. As they walked away, she heard Tanuma whisper “what happened?” as he looked worriedly at Natsume’s bruised face. Natsume said, “the usual” with a wave of his hand.

 Tanuma didn’t look any more satisfied with Natsume’s flippant answer than she would have been, and Natsume seemed to realize this, continuing “Souko patched me up, actually.”

  “She seemed so nice!” Taki said, still elated. “A friend of your grandmother’s! How long did that know each other?”

A friend, she thought as the kids’ voices grew distant, as they walked further and further away. It had been nice to hear Natsume say it, and it was nice to hear Taki say it…even if it wasn’t exactly true.

She and Reiko were an almost. Almost friends. Almost understanding each other. Almost two girls who fit their broken pieces together. There were a million almosts, a million things Reiko could have been to Souko—almost confidants, almost lovers… almost Souko’s first rejection, her first heartbreak, the first time that confessing her feelings cost her a friendship….or she was almost Souko’s first kiss, first time, first awkward teenage romance. There were so many lives they could have led, so many paths they could have gone down.

But they’d both taken their own paths instead. And on Souko’s, she had her granddaughter waiting, waving a stick with chubby fingers, demanding to see which of them could throw the farthest. She had her daughter, who would complain about Souko coming back so late and remind her they were all going to a drive-in movie, and there was Kana, ready to listen to Souko’s story, ready to crow she was definitely going to win at Shogi this time, ready to cuddle close to Souko and ask for comfort when she inevitably lost.  She had her flower shop, the young girl she was training to take it over, her art, and her garden…

She could only hope Reiko had experienced something just as wonderful on her path. At least she could take solace that a little piece of Reiko was living on, in the eyes and heart of Nastume Takashi.

She wondered what the boy was going to show her.

---

And that's it for now! I hope the conversation wasn't too tedious, I was just caught up in thinking what Souko's reactions might be to all the tragic details of Reiko's (and by extension Natsume's) life. It would be tough to have all that dumped on you at once. I could dither over it more, but it's a fanfic, I'm not gonna burn myself out over it.

Hoping to do a very short part two and then finish up the whole thing with part three. I'll just see how people respond to it I guess!

Ao3 link refuses to insert, but again, you can find it here:

https://archiveofourown.org/works/63207607

[patchworkprince]

I need to revamp this blog

[euphoria-looney]

Thank you... for playing with me.

Pt.1

Bake No Hana (Nightcord at 25:00 ft. Kaito)

"It's finally come around, my punishment for having been born. In order to put an end to it, I stop breathing— Ah, I'm fed up with this."

I approached the girl who chose me last round, Penelope. I called her Penny though, and thought the name was cute.

It suits her.

Last round I wasn’t sure exactly what I was going to do, but she pulled me into her group, and even against the male group, we won!

It didn’t help that crunch that echoed across the room each time a team lost though, Astro has been colder than ever and the old guy got separated from me before I could follow him. I think it was fate that we all ended up on the same team.

I’m trying to sound positive because, at this moment in time, I have gone too far to give up now, whether that be hope or, the sick truth, for the money.

My mind is always racing and is looking for the truth that I’m hiding from myself. 

I’ve killed people intentionally or not, just to keep going for a cash prize that I’m not even sure I’ll win.

This isn’t the situation I wanted to be in.

I’ve said that line so many times.

When I was 5 and my mother ran away, that wasn’t the situation I wanted to be in.

When I kept getting neglected and abused in the manor, that wasn’t the situation I wanted to be in.

When I got kicked out at the mere age of 18, That wasn’t the situation I wanted to be in.

Getting into debt and sinking deeper into the amount needed to pay back, I bet you can think of the line I said next.

And now with all the corpses I’ve been near, the money dropping into the pig, the masked soldiers that looked upon you with their weapons, was this really how I was going to be free from debt? Was this the situation I wanted to be in?

“Hey!” Penny turned to look at me.

“Want to pair up?” I tilted my head at her.

“Why should I?”

“I don’t picture you going around here and begging these jerks.” I looked around at our options.

“Wouldn’t that bother you?” I raised an eyebrow to her.

“Bothering me or not isn’t the concern, winning or losing is.” Despite that, she didn’t make any plans to move away from me.

I cheered fondly at her.

“Then play with me, I’ll make sure you’ll win.”

“What will you do?”

“Whatever it takes.”

“... What do you see in me?” 

“Well, I wanted to ask you that.”

“You were someone who looked like they would come with me.”

“I feel the same way.” I raised my hand offering a handshake.

She took my hand, so warm compared to how she acted, and I tightened the grip before releasing her hand.

I’m glad we got the teams out of the way before the timer ended.

—

Third POV

“Alright, there's a five-minute break before the games start, my good sirs. Do whatever you’d like before coming back to meet up and enjoy the show, they’ll be playing marble games.” The frontman announced before everyone dispersed.

“What was that imbecile thinking, joining a game like this? She even had the option to leave and she chose to come back?!” Damian scoffed, rolling his eyes out of agitation.

“They did…” Duke murmured.

“No, they didn’t.” Damian looked at Duke as if he were mad.

“Yes, they did, a while back? You were there and berated them for acting like their mother…” Duke rebutted.

“That must’ve felt so humiliating…”

Dick rubbed his arm.

“... she was probably terrified to face you again, especially with how you treated her…”

Damian piped down after that.

“You’re not any better than us, Duke. You also shunned them away,” Tim said, defending himself and the others.

“I’m not saying I’m better than anyone and this doesn’t excuse what I did but all of you guys made it known through the whole manor that she was just like her mother, so greedy for money that even when she had too much she wanted more, is that what we’re seeing in front of us though?! A girl who's so loaded but still wants more?!” That left Tim speechless and guilty.

“I know what it’s like to be financially unstable, obviously after losing my parents and trying to find them it wasn’t easy, and it didn’t make it any easier with not even a penny in my pocket, so these people “killing themselves for a little money” even though it’s a life or death situation, that’s no different then being “free” out there, especially not in Gotham. So when Bruce rescued me and treated me with kindness and support, I thought that all his kids got this treatment, but now you guys want to berate her and call her an idiot but she was forced into this position…”

He turned to Bruce but was only met with the man looking away.

“Maybe when she left this game, she realized her life wasn’t meant enough and came back to this dehumanizing environment, she didn’t come for us to help her because of the memories of last time, she probably was so nervous always walking on eggshells around us that the moment we rejected her she knew that this was her only option.”

Jason knew it wasn’t targeted specifically at him, but at one point, he knew he had a bond with [name], that innocent kid with those cute bug eyes and that gummy smile. They had something special. Then he died and came back with the news. At that moment, he couldn’t help but feel betrayed by [name]’s mom. With everything that had happened to him,, he had changed his character, so with no one to blame…

Well, you are your mother’s daughter.

Doesn’t the saying go ‘like mother, like daughter?’

Also, the situation didn’t help with him constantly not talking to her, you’d have understood the feeling he got when she came to the manor after being kicked out just to beg for money?

He seriously could not blame the situation on you, did he, or did he forget that he contributed to it too?

The ignoring, the sneering, the insults, how one looks from the person she trusted the most could shatter her heart.

And of course that would be the first conversation she had with you... You didn’t talk to her.

“Well, did you guys hear what she said to that other girl, seems she has no plans-”

A knock interrupted the chat.

“I’m sorry sirs, but the games are starting. May I have your bets?”

“240”

“Wow, all of you, just in case she ever loses, would you guys like to buy her body? I assume you’re family and had an interest in that girl?”

“You!-” Damian was stopped by Bruce, who also had his hands clenched in anger.

“Thank you, that would be appreciated.” Smiled Bruce.

“Of course, and I didn’t mean you lose the bet, it’s just that the odds are against some players and good for others.” The Frontman nodded before heading off.

“Don’t worry, guys. Just hang on. I’m finding the location as fast as I can,” Oracle said through the earpiece before they left for the lounge.

Their nice, comfortable lounge.

—

If I am ready to die, why not know a little bit more about the person I’m spending my last moments with?

“You know~ since the last Joker attack nothing has been this tragic…”

“What game are we playing?” No small talk then… but that’s okay.

“Dang, you’re cold as ice.”

“What game are we playing, girl?”

“You tell me. These games are probably only known to these oldies, tell you what let’s make our own game, ten marbles we could do anything with that.

“So let’s… end this game in a single round.” I looked down at my lap.

“All or nothing. A simple bet.” I looked back at her again with my stupid smile that showed my gums and tilted my head.

It was something I was used to doing a lot as a kid.

I don’t know why I’m acting like this, maybe it’s because my misery will finally end.

That took a dark turn. Let’s get back on track.

“Don’t tell me you’d… rather do what they’re doing?” 

We looked at the old guys behind Penny, throwing their marbles that hit against each other. What was the purpose of the game?

Get the other players' marbles out before they do.

“Okay. Playing what then?” 

I huffed in amusement. 

“What’s with the hurry?” 

“You’re just dying to kill me, huh?” I teased

That was a rhetorical question, we both knew it…

At least I knew it was.

“We’ve got a lot of time on our hands, and we’re playing one round. What’s the rush?”

“What are we gonna do before then?”

“Talk” It had been a while since I’d done that with somebody in this hellhole.

“About what?” 

“Things we never told anybody about I guess.”

“One of us is gonna die, so… it doesn't matter what we tell each other. No one can really embarrass themselves anymore. Okay?”

—

“How long have you been in Gotham? It isn’t a place where one would particularly reside.” We were both sitting at the stairsteps at this point.

I started with a question.

“Just been here since I was born, my mom found the “love of her life” here. She said we’d enjoy it”

“Did you?”

“...” She didn’t reply but rather stayed silent.

“Your family, are they still here with you?”

“My brother.”

“Any parents?”

“My father died getting shot in some back alleyway, at the wrong place, at the wrong time.”

“And your mom?”

“She got high off of drugs when she lost my dad, she overdosed not too long ago and her family took her away from us blaming us for the reason she suffers. I don’t know if she’s still alive and recovering or dead.”

“Where’s your brother now then?”

“In a shelter,” she hesitated. I was asking more than giving, but she still replied, and that was enough for both of us.

“If you win this and get the money, what will you spend it on?”

“Buy a house for me and my brother, then take us somewhere else, Gotham is no place for us, even if the top schools are here, there’s a price to pay for everything.” She was right about that.

I scoffed a little bored of that answer.

“Hey~ with this amount of money you could buy that and so much more- is there anywhere you’d like to travel?”

“Houma.”

“Houma?”

She nodded her head.

“It looked peaceful and had lower crime rates than most places. It didn’t look like Gotham at all.”

I couldn’t help but huff at that.

“Hey. Don’t you think you should dream bigger, huh? Do Keystone City. Hold on– Go to Metropolis instead. They even have lower crime rates than most.

Penny finally turned her head around and looked at me for once out of this entire conversation.

“Metropolis?”

“Yeah, the Superfam lives there. You know the Kryptonite versions of the Batfam in Gotham?”

It seems she didn’t care much about superheroes which made me giggle.

“Really?”

She shook her head.

“Oh no, then we have you fix that, we’ll have a girl’s night out every week in Metropolis and get to meet the Superfam in the flesh, okay?” 

She looked away at that.

“Oh, guess we can’t both leave here?”

…

“Back when my father was alive he was the perfect guy, he was too generous for his good, I was too naive as a kid rushed into the room where he laid to rest before he was covered and saw his gorey body,” Penny told me.

“The first body I saw was this poor kid on the side of the street abandoned just like me, he died inhaling too much of Scarecrow’s gas.”

“Abandoned?”

“Oh! I haven’t told you my backstory, it’s not as tragic as yours, no. My mother married a billionaire and took cash before running away without me when I was five. Everybody blamed her actions on me, making me feel too shameless to ever ask for cash, then I got kicked out at eighteen and took too much debt for regular supplies and school debt then landed here.”

“I wonder if I had money, what would I do… Go to Houma with you?”

A silence ensued between us making me look away.

“Sorry, I forgot again.”

As the timer started running out the sun kept going down even lower. Penny stood up.

“Let’s do this.” I smiled at that.

—

Third POV

By now, some VIPs were disappointed not because they had lost money but because they had lost the guessing game of lives.

Others were happy with the result.

But for our main characters well, can you guess how they’re feeling?

Unnerved, whatever [name] was planning. Are they going to win this game, or will they lose? Would the Wayne family see their dear family die with a bullet to the head?

Bruce never meant to treat you like that, but you’d have to understand your mother betrayed him, and you were there… and you didn’t do anything.

Oh, what could you have done? 

Alert the whole house of her leaving? Then what?

It was never your fault, you did everything you could to appease them, they just never forgive your mother.

—

We stood up passing a dead body and went to an “empty” land.

“Whoever can roll it farther than the other person wins, okay?”

I let Penny get the head start.

I held my marble in my hand.

Pondering.

I didn’t have much to live for, did I?

I had no friends, no family, and nothing to my name other than the daughter of a gold digger or the bastard child.

What’s the point?

I I guess this game was pointless after all.

I let the marble slide off my hands landing a few inches from my foot.

Straightening my posture I feel Penelope approach me.

“Hey, what do you think you’re doing?” She grabbed me by the collar of the tracksuit.

“You win, I lose.”

“Stop. Why the hell would you try to do that?” She still kept a firm hold on me.

“Butter fingers, what can I say?” I chuckled, scrunching my eyebrows at her.

“Making sure I won. Is that what this is?”

She slammed me into the wall again.

“Did you think I would be grateful? Throw it again.” She demanded.

“And I still wouldn’t be able to win.” I kept my smile on.

“Ugh, don’t be dramatic and let me die in style, hm?” 

This was the reality, and if one of us had something memorable to do once we had gotten out of there, it would be her. Wouldn’t it?

“[name], that’s bullshit! Stop acting cool and just do a real throw!”

I sighed no longer keeping my damn smile on my face.

“I have nothing.”

“What?” Penelope didn’t let go, though. It seemed like she would allow me to talk a bit more.

“You have a reason to get out of this place… I don’t.”

Penelope kept breathing shakily. 

“I thought hard about what I would do, over and over, nothing. It’s like a dead end.” I felt myself tearing up.

I didn’t want to burst out in tears, I hadn’t done that in a while. 

I’ve always hated getting emotional, but it feels like a relief to get it off my chest.

“If anybody has a reason to go back out still there, it’d be you.” I laughed despite tasting the salty tears that leaked from my eyes.

Penelope didn’t seem the type to get emotional either, though that didn’t stop her from letting a couple of tears flow.

“Don’t die here, go out there… and find a place where you and your brother can reside. Far from any crime preferably to Houma.” I chuckled.

…

As Penelope walked away, I didn’t want that to be how our interaction ended, no, not like this pathetic goodbye.

“Penny!” I wasn’t sure she’d respond to that nickname but to my surprise, she stopped.

It made me widen my eyes briefly before going into a somber expression.

I held in my tears at that moment, stabilizing my voice.

“Thank you… for playing with me.” I was glad the guard let me have my closure, you don’t think they’d have the heart with their roles.

BANG

Player 240, eliminated.

—

The blood sprayed out before her body collapsed onto the ground with a sickening thud.

This wasn’t the situation anybody wanted to be in.

— 

That’s it for now. In the next part of this option, the Batfamily will suffer and have flashbacks, as one does. If anyone has any advice on how to write some scenes, that would be spectacular.

I’ll be working on a request and then my So Much More series before getting to Astro! And then maybe the next part of this, so don’t expect it anytime soon. That’s all from me!

Taglist time! ❤

Also, I love the idea and from fic from both @jellyfishmoon97 and @not-weirdoshrek and a new addition that I'm super happy I bumped into @alilobsessive.

@holysoulsweets @sh4rk-k1d @sillysealsies @loomspuddle @cantfindmelol @alwaysholymilkshake @leitor-sonolento @randomlyappearingartist @beyondblissxoxo @sirairi @yhin-gg @frankie-moon3 @welpthisisboring @yokesmam @bat1212 @enchantingarcadecreation @twismare @delias-stuff @ladylupuscrow @ferchu0406 @c4xcocoa @cruzerforce4256 @anonymoushehehehe @godoreo22 @blerp-22 @facelessisnthere @sirenetheblogger @themightybee4067 @boredselkie @tiffyisme3760 @random4137 @midnightgrimoire @mybones537 @chaoticmoontimetravel @jsprien213

I think that's everyone who wanted to be tagged, I hope I didn't spell any wrong and tag the wrong person.

[jarofstyles]

What about bf!harry gets hard in public and hes basically using you as a human shield and pulling you into his lap while subtly grinding into you🫣

This is a very fratrry thing to do once they get together tbh

Check out our Patreon!

Warnings- exhibitionism, don’t do stuff like this in public plz, filthy talk

——-

“You don’t know what this fuckin’ dress does to me.” With lips mouthing at her neck, she had to take a deep breath as his handsy palms ran over her stomach and tugged her closer to him. The conversations continued around them but as usual, he only had eyes for her. The obsession becoming unglued as his breath left chills on her skin.

“I think I have some idea. It’s against my ass.” She muttered lowly, taking a sip of some sort of lemon drop concoction which- ugh. Whoever was bartending at this party really shouldn’t give up their day job. “You’re like a feral dog sometimes. Just running around grinding your dick into me.” Her voice was kept down but it was hard not to push back into the slow rocking. The guise was he was moving with the music, but those jeans did nothing to shield her from the feeling of the thick length against her ass.

“So try n’tame me then.” He would really like that. The man had been nearly begging her to go to his room but she’d promised her friends she wouldn’t disappear too quickly. Harry was demanding of her time since they’d gotten together, clingy and slightly annoying but she liked to make him work for it a little bit. For a man who had been slutting it around with whoever he wanted- his words, not hers though it did seem like something she’d said- it felt really nice to know she he liked her that much.

“You’d like it too much.” She sighed, tightening her grip on the red solo cup as teeth nipped over her throat. He was borderline obnoxious with the PDA, but Harry really had no sense of shame when it came to that. Her fingers made the cup crinkle, a betrayal from a longtime friend as it exposed just how much it actually got to her. “Can you behave? For one night?”

“Mmmm… nope.” He sighed against her skin. “M’gonna be annoying and hope you stop caring what other people want so you can come upstairs like you really want to do.” Thankfully he kept his voice down as his hand rubbed over her tummy, exhaling a sigh. “I can’t wait until I get you alone and I get t’bury myself in that tight little cunt. Nice n’snug for me, and I’ll make sure you can feel it in this cute belly.”

Harry knew he had a hold on her that she didn’t let a lot of people see, feeling her neck heat up against his lips as she said his voice in a low warning that she mean absolutely none of. “Harry. Stop it. People are around.”

“And that does nothing but get you to soak those panties. Is it the nasty little thong today? The one you left for me t’wrap around my dick when you went home for the weekend?” He hummed. “Got them nice and sticky. T’be honest, if you’d let me I’d take you over into the corner, nudge your dress up and fuck you just like this.” He kept his hands where they were but his cock rubbed over her ass, giving him some friction. She could feel it throb against her, the lump in her throat thick as he continued to talk. His filthy mouth never did know where or when to quit.

“If you’d let me I’d have you walkin’ upstairs with my load down your thighs. Or your cum all over my fingers. I’d give you anything you’d let me have, honestly. And if you think I can’t tell you’re clenching those incredible thighs together, that I don’t know you’re slick between them and probably makin’ a fucking sloppy messy on your skin, you should think again. I know how much you love when I touch you. Like to growl at me like a little kitten but your body can’t hide from me.”

Y/N couldn’t deny it even if she wanted to. Clenching her jaw she fought the flush working its way over her chest, heat flooding her body as he finally moved a hand from her stomach to turn her face so he could catch her lips.

The lack of shyness from the man had him kissing her deep, unashamed of the wolf whistles and groans from his friends as he kissed her like he owned her mouth. She was reminded of it as his tongue brushed against hers and his thick fingers held her chin in place so he could kiss her how he wanted. He did- god, he really fucking did.

“Get a room!”

Harry broke the kiss with a wicked grin. “Don’t mind if we do.”

[batmanisagatewaydrug]

first of all, this is all legit, and not bait, though i have a feeling it may come off that way, this did happen to me. please don't publish if tumblr sends it off anon.

i'm a lesbian with gender dysphoria, and while i haven't had much sexual experience, i would consider myself a stone top. in the last year and a half i began reading "terf"/radical feminist writings and reading "terf" tumblr blogs fairly actively, largely out of frustration with misogyny i was experiencing IRL. though i never engaged with the community i did stop identifying as genderfluid and started understanding my dysphoria as stemming from the trauma of being bullied by other girls for having a high-androgen DSD, and using different pronouns/transition thoughts as unhealthy coping mechanisms. i'm happy with this, but i also don't know if i'm attracted to women anymore.

i've always been attracted to women in a way that's stereotypically guy-like; i find feminine women very attractive and not so much fellow(?) butches, want to penetrate with a strap on, don't like bush much, cursory interest in BDSM/daddy kink. i read/watched het erotica and porn sometimes and identified with the man. what i read problematized pretty much every aspect of that- femininity as a cage, penetration as violence/straps as disidentification w the female body, infantilization of women, bdsm as abuse etc. also, desisting making me more conscious of dysphoria/knowledge of how extensive sexual dimorphism is putting me off both women with larger breasts and hips AND smaller breasts and hips/unrealistically masculine body types as well. so a lot of what turned me on before isn't arousing anymore, or i feel guilty about it, and i haven't been able to find butch4butch stuff which is much healthier very interesting.

i consider my sexuality healthier now on a political level but my ability to get aroused/jerk off has plummeted (used to be i could jork it sunrise to sunset) and thinking about being in a relationship w another woman makes me feel uneasy and weird, especially since a lot of what i read emphasized reciprocative cunnilingus/tribbing (which i don't like) as the healthiest sex options. i also think about both my dysphoria and my sexuality issues 100x more than i did before, even though i was promised the opposite (freedom from dysphoria and feeling happier as a lesbian), and it's stressing me out day-to-day. i'm aware based on your general ethos that you probably think i'm a terrible person right now, but i figured it'd be useful to seek the opinion of someone who radically disagrees with what i've read on what i could/should do next, since i admittedly miss being at peace with my sexuality.

thanks for reading.

hi there anon,

it's a bummer that you'd think I would assume you're a terrible person based on everything you've told me here. I generally try not to consider people terrible unless they're actively being shitheads or hurting other people, which doesn't sound at all like you're describing. from what you've told me, you've been up to your eyes in some information that's made you feel deeply uncomfortable in your sexuality and now you're seeking out a new perspective to help you make sense of that hurt. that describes most of the people who send me questions!

it's so striking to me that much of what you're describing is very reminiscent of what's recounted in The Persistent Desire, an anthology of writings on butch/femme identities edited by femme historian and archivist Joan Nestle that was released in 1992. in various essays and interviews countless butches and femmes recount their discomfort with the feminist turn against butch and femme identities that too place in the 70s, when both roles were declared problematic recreations of heterosexuality and summarily decried as politically "incorrect" for lesbians. it's shocking to me how much what you've described echoes these accounts experienced by lesbians half a century ago - the disowning of women who are "excessively" feminine or masculine, the demonizing of penetrative sex, general insistence that there are "correct" sex acts that every lesbian is supposed to enjoy, and the deep discomfort and insecurity that this causes among people who don't fit into the very rigid standards of proper lesbian identity set forth.

here's a link to a PDF, if that's interesting to you at all. it's very long, so feel free not to read it straight through; it's a great project to skim and an incredible way to get in touch with the lesbians who came before us. their accounts of their lives are so wildly different from the boundaries of "good" queer representation that feel so universal today; in discussing their own lives many of these women speak very bluntly about their experiences with abuse, drugs, sex work, and violence. it's a great glimpse into the lives and history of a lot of very ordinary lesbians just living their lives, and I'm very grateful it's been preserved.

now, as for what you're actually gonna do: hey. listen. first of all, if you haven't given up reading this stuff yet, you've gotta. you simply cannot keep internalizing stuff that makes you overanalyze your own sexuality so hard that you feel uncomfortable about being attracted to women. that's not "healthy," that's conversion therapy lite. there are other places to talk about feminism without being made to feel ashamed of yourself.

listen: there's nothing unhealthy about anything that you described about yourself. being a stone butch, being attracted to certain looks and aesthetics, watching porn, wanting to use a strap and roleplay during sex and not being interested in other sexual activities - all of those thing are completely normal and, yes, healthy. certainly healthier than feeling the need to repress your sexuality so hard that thinking about being with a woman doesn't feel right!

should we run through that list?

femininity as cage - sure, okay, femininity isn't for everyone, and there are parts of it that suck. that doesn't mean there's anything wrong with women who like to wear dresses or put on makeup or shave or whatever, or anyone who's attracted to those women. genuinely I cannot think of anything less interesting or important to feminist organizing than getting hung up about what people want to wear. it's clothes, dude. it's fucking clothes. pick a more important hill to die on, I implore you.

penetration is not the same thing as violence. there's just nothing to debate about that one; it's patently absurd to pretend that every act of penetrative sex is rape and you'd have to fundamentally misunderstand how consent works to believe that.

straps are not about "disidentification with the female body," they're about augmenting a sexual experience. a strap-on is not more problematic than a vibrator or a massage oils or a pillow used to prop up a body part. unless those are also bad? are those bad? are pillows disidentifying from the female body also? I'm not up to date on this.

straight up I don't even know which part of your whole deal the infantilization of women is supposed to address, but a thing that I've always found interesting about a lot of radical feminists who are deeply distrustful of sex is the way that many of them seem to assume that women can't be trusted to understand their own sexual desires and need to be taught what's appropriate. seems kind of condescending to me, personally.

BDSM isn't the same thing as abuse. abuse, crucially, is not a situation that people can safe word out of or negotiate the constraints of. it's kind of like how, you know, I purposefully pay people to shove needles in my skin when I want a tattoo, but I wouldn't be stoked about it if somebody just ran up to me in public and started stabbing me without any warning or conversation. context is crucial. there can certainly be abusive people within BDSM spaces, but that's true of people of literally every sexual proclivity on earth, and certainly not an innate feature of BDSM. it's just make believe, dude. it's dress up. it's sex LARPing.

also, psst, hey. that thing about being attracted to women in a "guy-like" way? no such thing. men are humans, dude; they experience attraction in as many different ways as anyone else. for every dude interested in the same stuff as you there are men yearning for hairy women, muscular women, masculine women, women who will dominate them, women who would rather be eaten out then penetrated, and so on. to say nothing of the men who aren't into women at all! and, as is obvious from your own experience, men don't have a monopoly on those kinds of feelings, anyway! there are no men or women feelings, dude; it's all just people having feelings and fighting for their lives trying to figure out what they're into to.

I want to particularly talk about that last bit, where you mentioned not enjoying or wanting to engage in cunnilingus or tribbing. that's totally fine! people like different shit in all kinds of combinations - I'm personally a huge fan of getting eaten out and scratched up or bitten, but I don't do penetration and I've genuinely never met anyone who actually liked tribbing - and there are absolutely people out there who will, to paraphrase the poet Tinashe, perfectly match your freak.

(have you heard about the perpetual, critical shortage of tops that the queer community faces? you'd be a godsend, just saying.)

also, actually, hey I wanted to circle back to another thing as well: it's deeply alarming to me that whatever radfem stuff you've been reading has you feeling "put off" of women with wide hips and large breasts as well as women with small breasts and hips. what is wrong with either of those? both of those are just ways that women naturally look. women just look a wide variety of ways, and it's sad that that's upsetting you now. just thinking about this, conceptually, is giving me hives.

having been up to your eyes in all of this, I can definitely understand why you'd feel the urge to overanalyze you own gender and sexuality to the point of completely talking yourself out of identifying with anything that feels good for you. as I said, that's actually not healthy in any way, and as a sex educator I can't say that I think anyone genuinely invested in your well-being would want that for you.

entirely aside from their feelings on trans people, which I obviously disagree with pretty vehemently, one of the things about radfems that's most endlessly vexing to me is the insistence that such an extremely narrow range of sexual behaviors are appropriate. seems like a miserable way to live, and I sincerely hope you can detangle yourself from the morass of shame it's landed you in. you deserve better.

[yvaineseleneposts]

Eyes on you

A/N: Filth.. that's what this is. It started with a plot but after a while... it became smut

Requested: no

Pairing: Nico Hischier x Reader

Words: 8k

Warning(s): smut

Hockey wasn’t really my thing. I barely knew the rules. But when my two best friends begged me to come to a New Jersey Devils game — "because omg, Jack Hughes is so hot" — I didn’t have much of a choice.

I wore a plain black hoodie and jeans, feeling totally underdressed compared to my friends, who were decked out in jerseys and glittery face paint. They buzzed with excitement, pointing out players during warmups, while I leaned back in my seat, scrolling through my phone.

Until something — someone — caught my eye.

Down on the ice, a player in a red jersey with the number 13 skated lazily by the boards. His helmet was off, revealing messy brown hair and a boyish, insanely handsome face. He was talking to a teammate, laughing — but then he glanced up at the stands. Right at me.

I quickly looked away, heat rushing to my cheeks.

He’s probably just looking around, I told myself. Not at you.

But when I risked another glance, there he was again. Smirking. And then — a wink. Quick and casual, like it was nothing.

"Are you even paying attention?" one of my friends asked, nudging me.

"No," I said honestly, still staring.

Warmups ended, and the game started. I tried to focus on the puck, on the noise, the crowd, the action. But every time number 13 — Nico Hischier, I realized from the jumbotron — skated by our side of the rink, he glanced up at me. More than once. Sometimes he’d send a crooked smile. Other times, a quick wink. I even caught him adjusting his helmet with exaggerated slowness, like he was showing off.

My friends noticed eventually.

"Is Nico Hischier flirting with you?" one of them hissed, wide-eyed.

"I—I don’t know," I stammered, feeling like I was about to spontaneously combust.

The Devils ended up winning, and when the final buzzer sounded, the players flooded the ice to celebrate. Most waved at the crowd, tossing pucks and sticks to the fans. Nico skated right to the boards, directly beneath where I was sitting. He looked up, helmet tucked under his arm, and shot me a grin that could’ve melted ice.

Then, without hesitating, he pointed right at me — you — and tossed a puck up into the stands. It landed perfectly in my lap.

A note was taped to it.

"Meet me by the players' entrance? :) –Nico"

I blinked. My heart nearly jumped out of my chest. My friends were screaming. I could barely breathe.

All I could think was, I don't even know how hockey works... but I think I just scored.

The entire walk to the players' entrance felt unreal. My heart was hammering against my ribs, my palms were sweating, and I couldn’t stop glancing down at the puck in my hands like it might disappear.

"This is insane," one of my friends said for probably the tenth time. "Go!" the other one nudged me forward, practically shoving me toward the small group of people waiting by the ropes.

Security guards stood nearby, only letting a few people through. Some had backstage passes, others looked like family. I hovered awkwardly at the side, unsure if I should even be here.

But then the door opened — and there he was.

Nico. Still in his gear, though his helmet and gloves were gone. His dark hair was damp, curling slightly at the edges, and there was a soft flush on his cheeks from the game. He scanned the small crowd once, and then his eyes landed on me. Instantly, a slow, devastating smile spread across his face.

Before I could even react, he jogged over.

"Hey," he said, his accent making the simple word sound ten times more attractive.

"Hi," I managed, my voice way too small.

He laughed softly, like he could see right through my nerves. "You got my puck?"

I held it up wordlessly, feeling like a complete idiot. He chuckled again, then reached out, his fingers brushing over mine as he took the puck for a second — just to turn it in his hand and show me the note still taped underneath.

"Good," he said, eyes sparkling. "I wasn’t sure you’d come."

"You... were actually looking at me?" I blurted before I could stop myself.

He leaned in a little closer, lowering his voice just for me. "Yeah. I was hoping you’d notice."

Every inch of my skin felt like it was on fire.

For a moment, we just stood there, grinning at each other like idiots. Then he shifted the puck back into my hands, his fingers lingering a little longer this time.

"So..." he said, almost shyly, "Would you wanna maybe grab a coffee? Or... something less sweaty than this?" He gestured at his gear with a sheepish smile.

I laughed — real and breathless. "I'd like that."

His grin widened. "Good. Give me ten minutes? I’ll be right back."

And just like that, he was gone — jogging back inside, throwing a playful wink over his shoulder. I stood there clutching the puck to my chest, completely dazed, as my friends squealed behind me.

I had no idea what I'd just gotten myself into. But for once... I was really excited to find out.

I sat in the corner of a small café a few blocks from the arena, still clutching the puck Nico had given me like it was a good luck charm. My friends had peeled off — after way too much giggling and dramatic winking — leaving me alone to process the insane fact that Nico Hischier, actual NHL captain, had asked me out.

The bell above the door chimed, and my heart immediately kicked into overdrive.

He walked in, freshly showered and changed into a black hoodie and jeans, looking unfairly good. His hair was still damp, curling slightly at the ends, and even without the gear, he had that same confident, effortless energy that had me hooked from the second I saw him on the ice.

He spotted me instantly and grinned, walking over with that easy, athletic stride.

"Hey," he said, sliding into the seat across from me. His knee brushed mine under the table, and I forgot how to breathe for a second.

"Hi," I managed, smiling way too big.

Up close, he was even more ridiculous. His skin still had that post-shower glow, and I couldn't stop thinking about how he looked earlier — messy hair, sweaty, flushed from the game, laughing and winking at me like he knew exactly what he was doing.

I shifted in my seat, feeling my face heat up.

"You warm?" he asked, a teasing glint in his eye.

"Maybe a little," I mumbled, hoping he couldn’t read my mind.

He laughed — low and smooth — and leaned back in his chair, stretching his long legs so they nudged mine again, deliberately this time.

"So," he said, tapping his fingers against the table, "You a big hockey fan, or...?"

"Not really," I admitted, smiling sheepishly. "My friends dragged me. They're obsessed with your teammates."

He smirked. "And you? Did you find someone to obsess over?"

I knew he was flirting. I knew it. And still, my stomach flipped like I was free-falling.

I looked him dead in the eye and said, "Maybe."

That earned me another one of those lazy, devastating smiles. He leaned forward slightly, lowering his voice in that way that made it impossible to focus on anything else.

"Good," he said. "Because I was hoping it would be me."

The tension between us tightened, the air practically buzzing. I couldn't stop thinking about it — the way he looked dripping in sweat, the way he moved on the ice, powerful and controlled, like he could do anything he wanted. Including completely wreck my entire sense of sanity with just a look.

He watched me, his gaze heavy, and I knew he could tell. He knew.

"So," I said, trying to be brave, my voice a little breathier than I meant, "Is this where you tell me you're as good off the ice as you are on it?"

The look he gave me in that moment — slow, heated, dangerous in the best possible way — sent a shiver straight down my spine.

"Why don't you find out?" he said, so casually it made my stomach twist.

I bit my lip, leaning back just enough to make him chase a little.

"Maybe I will," I teased.

He laughed under his breath, eyes glinting. "Careful," he said. "I play to win."

I stirred my coffee just to have something to do with my hands, because if I kept staring at him — at the muscles under that hoodie, at the way he looked like he could ruin me with just one kiss — I was going to do something very, very reckless.

The coffee cups sat forgotten between us, long empty. Neither of us made a move to leave — it was like we were both waiting for the other to say it first.

Finally, Nico leaned in, his voice low and smooth. "Come on. Let me walk you back." Not a question. A promise.

I nodded, heart hammering. Outside, the air was crisp, the night alive with city lights and the fading buzz of the game. He tucked his hands into his hoodie pockets as we walked, close enough that our arms brushed with every step, a casual kind of intimacy that made my skin hum.

We didn’t say much. We didn’t have to. Every glance, every small smile was electric.

My mind kept betraying me — flashing back to the rink, to the way he looked drenched in sweat, messy and flushed and a little cocky. I wondered how he’d look even more wrecked. What his hands would feel like on my hips. What it would feel like to tug that hoodie over his head and—

"You keep looking at me like that," Nico murmured, his voice curling around my nerves, "and I'm gonna do something about it."

I sucked in a breath, the world around us narrowing to just him. His accent, that lazy, confident swagger, the heat in his eyes like he was already imagining it too.

I stopped walking. He did too, turning to face me, barely a foot away. I could feel the warmth radiating off his body, smell the faint trace of soap and something darker, something him underneath it.

"You should," I whispered before I could lose my nerve.

For a second, he just looked at me — like he was memorizing the moment, every inch of it. And then he closed the distance in two slow, deliberate steps.

His hand brushed my jaw, tilting my face up to him, his touch firm but careful, like he was giving me one last chance to pull away.

I didn’t. God, I didn’t even think about it.

Nico kissed me like he played hockey — intense, powerful, absolutely all-consuming. His mouth was hot against mine, demanding in a way that made my knees buckle slightly. I clutched at the front of his hoodie, pulling him closer, and he growled low in his throat, deep and rough and perfect.

His other hand slid to my waist, fingers digging in just enough to make me gasp against his lips. He took advantage immediately, deepening the kiss, slow and dirty and breathtaking.

It was the kind of kiss that didn’t just set your skin on fire — it burned straight through your bones.

When we finally broke apart, he rested his forehead against mine, both of us breathing hard. His thumb traced lazy circles over my hipbone, possessive and tender all at once.

"I’ve wanted to do that since I first saw you," he muttered, voice rough with want.

I laughed, breathless. "You winked at me like five minutes after seeing me."

He grinned — that crooked, devastating smile — and pressed another quick, teasing kiss to the corner of my mouth. "Exactly."

I leaned into him, feeling dizzy, drunk on the way he felt, the way he wanted me so blatantly. I didn't know where this was going — didn't know if this was crazy, reckless, or the start of something real.

He kept his hand at my waist as we walked the last few blocks, his thumb brushing lazy, teasing circles against my side like he couldn’t not touch me. Every few steps, he’d glance down at me with this look — dark, smirking, like he was just barely holding back.

I was not doing much better.

Every time our bodies brushed, every time his hand tightened, every time I remembered the way his mouth felt on mine, a fresh wave of heat rolled through me. I couldn’t stop thinking about how solid he was under that hoodie, how he moved with this quiet, confident strength — and how easy it would be to lean into him again, to let him wreck me in the best way.

We stopped outside my building.

I turned to him, heart hammering so loud it drowned out everything else. The streetlights painted golden highlights over his hair, his skin, and when he looked at me — eyes heavy-lidded, mouth slightly parted like he was thinking about kissing me again — I nearly forgot how to stand.

"I should..." I said, trailing off, but not moving toward the door.

"You should," he agreed, stepping closer.

Neither of us moved.

The space between us crackled, stretched so thin it could snap.

His hand slid from my waist up to the small of my back, pulling me flush against him with one smooth, unhurried motion. My hands landed against his chest instinctively — and holy hell, he felt even better than I imagined. Solid. Warm. His heartbeat thudding under my palms.

"You coming up?" I heard myself ask, voice way too breathy, way too hopeful.

He gave me a look that made my stomach twist — dark, hungry, a silent I was hoping you'd ask.

"Only if you want me to," he said, his mouth ghosting along the shell of my ear.

I shivered.

"I want to," I whispered.

That was all it took.

Nico’s hand slid down to my hip, fingers curling tight, and he kissed me again — harder this time, less careful, like he was done pretending we were just flirting.

I barely remembered fumbling with my keys, dragging him through the door, up the stairs. All I knew was the way his hands roamed like he was already memorizing me — the way he pushed me gently against the wall of the hallway, kissing me slow and deep until I was gasping into his mouth, clinging to the front of his hoodie like it was the only thing keeping me standing.

When we finally stumbled into my apartment, he barely gave me a second to kick the door shut before he was on me again.

His hoodie bunched under my fingers as I pulled him closer, desperate to feel him, to get under his skin the way he was already under mine. He nipped at my bottom lip, soothed the sting with a kiss that left me dizzy, drugged on him.

"God," he muttered against my mouth, "you're gonna drive me crazy."

"You started it," I shot back, dragging my nails lightly along the nape of his neck.

He growled low in his throat — actually growled — and in one swift motion, he lifted me by the hips, setting me down on the kitchen counter like I weighed nothing. I let out a breathless laugh, threading my fingers through his hair as he bracketed my body with his own.

"I’m not planning on stopping," he said, voice rough, dangerous, thrilling. Neither was I.

The second Nico set me down on the counter, he was on me again — kissing me like he couldn't stand the space between us.

It wasn’t neat or careful anymore. It was messy. Hungry. Real.

His hands roamed without hesitation, sliding up under my shirt, calloused fingertips dragging along my bare skin and leaving a trail of fire everywhere he touched. I gasped into his mouth, arching into him instinctively, needing more, more, like breathing wasn’t enough anymore unless it was through him.

"You're dangerous," I whispered against his lips, my fingers curling into the soft fabric of his hoodie.

He grinned — wild and breathless — and tugged the hoodie over his head, tossing it to the floor without breaking the kiss. And god — seeing him like that, in just a fitted black t-shirt stretched across his chest and arms — it knocked the air clean out of my lungs.

I ran my hands over his torso, feeling the solid muscle under my palms. The way his stomach tensed when I touched him made something primal spark deep in my gut.

He dipped his head to my neck, dragging his mouth along my skin — slow, almost lazy — before sucking just under my jaw hard enough to make me whimper. It was possessive, a little rough, and it lit every nerve ending on fire.

"You smell so good," he muttered against my throat, voice dark and low and wrecked.

I tilted my head back, giving him more access without even thinking, threading my fingers into his hair and tugging just enough to make him groan — low and filthy and completely, utterly undone.

His hands slid under my thighs, dragging me closer to the edge of the counter. Our hips collided, and when I felt how hard he was already — when he let out a ragged breath against my skin — my whole body flushed, hot and desperate.

"You have no idea what you do to me," he said roughly, hands tightening on me like he could anchor himself that way.

"Show me," I whispered.

It was all he needed.

He kissed me again, fiercer this time, stealing the air from my lungs. His hands slid up under my shirt again — this time dragging it slowly, deliberately over my head and tossing it aside — leaving me bare to him in nothing but my jeans and bra.

He pulled back just enough to look at me — really look at me — and the way his eyes darkened made my pulse thunder in my ears.

"Beautiful," he said simply, like it wasn’t even a question.

He kissed down my neck, across my collarbone, taking his time, making sure I felt every brush of his mouth, every scrape of his teeth. One hand splayed across my back, holding me steady, while the other skimmed along the waistband of my jeans — teasing, playing — making my breath hitch with every second he dragged it out.

I tugged at the hem of his shirt in retaliation, earning a low chuckle against my skin.

"Impatient?" he teased, voice low and gravelly.

"You're one to talk," I shot back, tugging harder.

He pulled back just enough to strip his shirt off in one smooth motion, revealing a body that looked like it had been carved by the gods — broad shoulders, cut abs, every line of him screaming strength and control and something just a little dangerous. And all of it was mine. Tonight, at least.

Nico leaned in, his forehead resting against mine, his thumb tracing lazy, reverent circles along the exposed skin of my waist.

"We can slow down," he murmured, his voice a little rough, a little strained. "If you want."

I looked at him — really looked at him — and something in my chest twisted painfully sweet. Because underneath all the heat, all the hunger, he was still giving me a way out. Still asking for permission. Still choosing to be soft when he could so easily be reckless.

I wrapped my arms around his neck, pulling him back down to me.

"I don't want slow," I whispered against his mouth. "I want you."

He groaned like I'd broken something inside him — and when he kissed me again, it was with the full weight of that desperation, that hunger he'd been holding back. Neither of us had any intention of stopping.

The second the words left my mouth — "I want you" — something shifted between us.

It was like a dam breaking. All the heat, all the tension that had been simmering exploded into something raw and unstoppable.

Nico kissed me hard, hands roaming everywhere at once, desperate and greedy like he couldn’t get enough. His fingers dug into my thighs, pulling me closer until I could feel every hard line of him pressing against me, making my whole body throb with need.

My hands slid over his bare chest, his muscles flexing under my palms. God, he was solid everywhere, built from years of pushing himself to the limit — and now he was here, unravelling at my touch.

"You're killing me," he muttered against my skin as he kissed his way down my neck, his voice rough and broken.

"Good," I gasped, tugging at the waistband of his jeans.

He growled low in his throat — and fuck, the sound went straight to the pit of my stomach — before grabbing my hand and guiding it lower, letting me feel exactly what I was doing to him.

I bit my lip hard enough to hurt.

Nico pulled back just enough to yank my jeans down my legs, tossing them aside with a dark, determined look that made my heart nearly stop. He was breathing hard, his chest heaving, his hair a mess from my fingers — and he looked at me like he wanted to ruin me.

"Look at you," he rasped, letting his gaze drag over every inch of exposed skin. "So fucking perfect."

I reached for him again, and he caught my wrists, pinning them lightly to the counter behind me. Not rough. Not harsh. Just enough to make me squirm, to make me ache with how badly I needed him.

"You gonna let me take my time?" he murmured, leaning in, his mouth hovering over mine.

I nodded breathlessly — or maybe whimpered — not even sure anymore.

"Good girl," he whispered, and Jesus, the way the words rolled off his tongue made my whole body tense with anticipation.

He trailed kisses down my throat, over the tops of my breasts, leaving a slow, hot path until I was gasping, arching into him. His hands finally released my wrists, sliding down my sides, thumbs tracing maddening circles against my hips.

And when he finally peeled away the last scraps of clothing between us, Nico didn't rush. He took his time, hands and mouth worshipping every inch of me, making sure I felt just how badly he wanted me.

By the time he finally pushed inside me, I was already trembling — mindless with need, clinging to him like he was the only thing keeping me anchored to the world.

He moved slow at first, deep and deliberate, making sure I felt every stretch, every pulse of him against me.

"Fuck, you feel good," he groaned into my neck, his breath hot and ragged.

I could barely breathe, barely think. All I could do was feel — the drag of his hands over my skin, the overwhelming heat of his body against mine, the way he filled me perfectly, like he was made for this, made for me.

Nico kissed me fiercely, like he needed to claim every inch of me, like he needed me to know that tonight, I was his — and he was absolutely mine.

We lost ourselves in each other, the rhythm building higher and higher, rougher, needier, until I was right on the edge, clinging to him helplessly.

"Come for me," he rasped against my lips, voice pure sin. And when I did — when the pleasure crashed over me so hard it made me cry out his name — he followed with a low, broken groan, holding me so tight against him like he never wanted to let me go.

We stayed like that for a long moment, tangled together, hearts pounding out of control. And when he finally pulled back just enough to meet my eyes, he smiled — soft, real, and completely wrecked in the most beautiful way.

"You're trouble," he said, brushing his nose against mine.

I laughed, dizzy and drunk on him. "You started it."

He kissed me again — slow, sweet, addictive — and for the first time all night, I wasn’t thinking about anything else.

After, we just stayed there for a while — tangled up, breathing hard, clinging to each other like the world outside didn’t exist.

Nico shifted first, brushing my hair back from my face with the lightest touch, like he was scared he might break me now. His fingers traced slow, lazy patterns along my skin, calming the frantic beat of my heart.

"You okay?" he murmured, voice rough with exhaustion but still full of that low, tender heat.

I nodded, too blissed out to form actual words. Instead, I leaned up and pressed a soft kiss to his jaw, feeling the stubble scrape against my lips, feeling him hum low in his chest in response.

He scooped me up effortlessly — like it was nothing, like he needed to keep me close — and carried me to the bed without even asking. Dropped me onto the mattress with a little bounce and a grin that made my whole body warm again.

I laughed, pulling him down with me.

He settled over me, heavy and real, his body a comforting weight. He tucked his face into the crook of my neck, breathing me in like he never wanted to forget this.

"Don’t wanna leave," he mumbled against my skin, voice thick and slurred with sleep.

"You don't have to," I whispered, threading my fingers through his messy hair.

He sighed — this deep, content sound — and tightened his arm around my waist, dragging me closer until there wasn’t a single inch of space between us.

For a while, we just laid there in the dark. His heartbeat steady against my side. His hand tracing slow, idle shapes over my hip. His breath fanning warm over my collarbone.

It should've felt overwhelming — all this sudden closeness, all this heat that hadn’t burned out yet — but it didn’t. It felt right.

Nico shifted again, lifting his head just enough to look down at me. His hair was tousled, falling over his forehead, and his eyes were soft, almost sleepy — but still burning with something fierce underneath it all.

"Can I see you again?" he asked, his thumb brushing my cheekbone.

I smiled, feeling my heart flip over in my chest. "You better."

He laughed — this low, rumbling sound that made me want to kiss him all over again — and leaned in, pressing the sweetest kiss to the corner of my mouth.

"You’re dangerous," he whispered against my skin. "More dangerous than you know."

I smiled against his lips. "Good," I murmured. "You deserve a little danger."

He kissed me again — slow and deep, like he was memorizing the way I tasted, the way I breathed, the way I felt against him.

And somewhere in the haze of kisses and soft laughter and whispered promises, we drifted off — tangled up in each other, hearts beating the same rhythm.

The last thing I felt before sleep claimed me was the slow, careful way Nico pulled the blanket up around us — like he could shield me from everything bad in the world — and the warm, lazy press of his mouth against my shoulder as he breathed against my skin:

"I’m not letting you go."

The first thing I felt when I woke up was warmth.

Solid heat pressed against my back, a heavy arm draped over my waist, fingers curled lazily against my stomach like he hadn’t moved all night. I blinked against the soft morning light spilling through the curtains, feeling a smile tug at my lips before I even opened my eyes.

Nico.

Still here. Still tangled up with me like it was the most natural thing in the world.

I shifted slightly, and he stirred — nuzzling his face deeper into the curve of my neck, muttering something low and half-asleep in Swiss German that I didn’t understand but made my chest ache anyway.

God, he was lethal like this. Barely awake, hair a complete mess, voice rough and deep and wrecked.

I turned just enough to see him — sheets kicked low on his hips, bare chest rising and falling with every slow breath — and nearly forgot how to breathe altogether.

Before I could even think about moving, his hand tightened around me.

"Where you goin'?" he rasped, voice thick with sleep, a little accusatory.

"I wasn’t," I said softly, tracing a light line down his arm. "Just... looking."

At him.

At this.

At the stupid, unfair fact that he looked even hotter like this — relaxed and rumpled and somehow even more dangerous than he was on the ice.

He cracked one eye open and gave me a slow, lazy smirk that made my whole body flush all over again.

"You like what you see?" he teased, voice still heavy with sleep.

"Maybe," I said, pretending to shrug. "You’re okay, I guess."

He laughed — that low, rumbling sound that went straight to my thighs — and in one smooth motion, rolled me onto my back, hovering over me.

"You’re a terrible liar," he murmured, leaning down to kiss me — slow and deep — like he was already thinking about round two. And honestly? So was I.

His hand slid up my thigh under the sheets, lazy but deliberate, making my breath catch in my throat.

"Thought we were getting breakfast," I said, though my voice was already shaky.

"We are," he said, dragging his mouth along my jaw, down my neck. "Eventually."

"Nico—"

"You," he said, pressing a kiss just above the swell of my breast, "are my breakfast."

I let out a breathless laugh — and then gasped when he bit down lightly, just enough to make me arch into him.

Any thought of pancakes or coffee or literally anything else disappeared instantly.

He kissed his way lower, slower, taking his time like he had all the hours in the world — and honestly, if he kept touching me like that, I wasn’t about to argue.

I tangled my fingers in his hair, tugging just enough to make him groan against my skin.

"You’re trouble," he muttered, voice dark and full of heat.

"You love it," I whispered, pulling him up to kiss me again.

And he did. I could feel it in the way his hands worshipped my body, in the way he kissed me like he was starving for me, in the way he held me like he never wanted to let me go.

And as the morning sun poured over us, painting everything gold and soft and new — I realized something.

I was absolutely, completely in trouble.

And for once in my life I didn’t mind at all.

It was supposed to be simple. Just dinner — casual, normal, easy.

But nothing about being with Nico was ever easy.

He picked me up looking like he just stepped out of a goddamn magazine. Black jacket, fitted white tee, jeans that clung to him in all the right places — and that smile. That smile that made my knees go a little weak the second he laid eyes on me.

"You’re lucky I showed up," I teased, slipping into the passenger seat.

He reached over immediately, hand landing on my thigh like it belonged there. And when he squeezed — casual but very intentional — I barely swallowed a sound.

"You weren't getting away that easy," he said, voice low.

The drive to the restaurant was a blur — mostly because his hand never left my thigh. Sometimes sliding a little higher, sometimes just resting there, always warm, always possessive. Every casual brush sent a jolt straight through me, until by the time we parked, I was already dangerously close to crawling into his lap.

And he knew it.

He grinned as he killed the engine, leaning in so close I could feel his breath against my ear.

"Patience," he whispered, voice like gravel and honey.

"You're evil," I whispered back, heart hammering in my chest.

"You're the one who wore that dress," he said, eyes flicking down my body like he wanted to eat me alive right there in the damn parking lot.

Dinner was a joke.

Neither of us could concentrate.

Nico sat across from me at the tiny corner table, but he might as well have been on top of me. His foot brushed against mine constantly under the table — not by accident. His knee pressed against mine. His fingers found any excuse to graze my hand, my wrist, my thigh.

Every time I looked up, I caught him watching me — dark-eyed and starving, like he was counting down the minutes until he could get me alone.

"You're not even trying to hide it," I said at one point, laughing into my wine glass.

"Why would I?" he said shamelessly, leaning closer, his voice dropping. "Everyone here should know you're mine."

My face heated instantly, but the way he said it — low and rough and so sure — sent a full-body shiver down my spine.

Somehow, somehow, we made it through dinner.

But the second we were outside, Nico had me pinned against the car, mouth crashing onto mine like he hadn't tasted me in weeks.

The kiss was brutal — hot and claiming and so, so good. His hands slid down to my hips, yanking me closer, grinding his body into mine like he didn’t even care we were in a public parking lot.

"You’re killing me," he muttered against my lips, breathing hard.

"Good," I whispered, smiling against his mouth.

He kissed me again — deeper, slower this time — like he was trying to brand himself into me.

And when he finally pulled back, his forehead resting against mine, his chest heaving, he whispered it so quietly I almost missed it:

"I’m already yours."

The second Nico got the door open, he was on me.

He slammed it shut with one hand, the other already dragging me back against him, his mouth crashing onto mine in a kiss that was all teeth and hunger. No hesitation. No patience. Just raw, messy, desperate need.

I barely had time to gasp before he backed me into the wall, pinning me there with his whole body, grinding into me like he wanted to fuse us together.

"Fucking finally," he growled against my mouth, hands everywhere at once — sliding up my thighs, under my dress, tugging the straps down with reckless urgency.

"You’re so fucking hot," he muttered, kissing down my throat, biting gently at my collarbone. "Been thinking about you all night. All fucking day."

I moaned, head tipping back to give him more access as he yanked the dress down to my waist, baring me to him completely. He groaned when he saw I hadn’t worn a bra — deep, guttural, almost pained — and before I could blink, his mouth was everywhere.

Sucking, licking, biting — like he couldn't decide what he wanted more. His hands squeezed my ass, lifting me easily, and I wrapped my legs around his waist instinctively, gasping when I felt how hard he was through his jeans.

He carried me like that, lips never leaving my skin, all the way to the bedroom — threw me down onto the bed and stood there for a second, just looking at me.

His chest was heaving. His eyes were dark.

"Strip," he said, voice hoarse and rough in a way that made my stomach drop.

I peeled the dress off the rest of the way, baring everything to him, feeling the heat of his gaze like a physical touch.

Nico swore under his breath, yanked his shirt over his head, and stripped out of his jeans so fast it was almost comical — almost — except for the fact that fuck, he was stupidly, unfairly gorgeous.

Toned. Golden. Every muscle tense and ready and so fucking hungry for me.

He knelt on the bed between my legs, running his hands up my thighs so slowly it made me whimper.

"You have no idea what you do to me," he whispered, before dipping his head — and then his mouth was there, hot and devastating and relentless.

I cried out, hands flying to his hair, tugging helplessly as he licked and sucked and drove me absolutely insane. He worked me with maddening precision, not letting up until my legs were trembling and I was gasping his name over and over again like a prayer.

When I finally shattered, Nico didn’t give me a second to recover.

He crawled up my body, mouth crashing onto mine again, and I tasted myself on his lips. It was filthy. It was perfect.

"You’re mine," he said again, rough and breathless, as he lined himself up against me.

And when he finally pushed inside — slow, deliberate, deep — I couldn’t hold back the loud, broken moan that ripped from my throat.

He moved slow at first — hips grinding deep, making sure I felt every inch, every deliberate drag of him stretching me open.

"You feel so good," he growled into my ear. "So fucking tight. So perfect."

I was already spiraling again, clinging to his shoulders, nails digging into his skin, trying to pull him even closer.

"Faster," I gasped. "Nico—please—" That broke him.

He snapped his hips harder, rougher, fucking into me with a brutal rhythm that had the headboard slamming against the wall and filthy, desperate sounds filling the room.

My body was on fire — every nerve ending lit up, overwhelmed by the sheer intensity of him — his hands, his mouth, his filthy praise spilling into my ear like gasoline on the flames.

"Taking me so good," he rasped. "So fucking perfect for me. Mine—mine—"

It wasn’t long before I was falling again, harder than before, my whole body convulsing around him.

Nico groaned deep in his chest — the most broken, beautiful sound — and with a few more desperate thrusts, he followed, spilling into me with a rough, gasping curse.

He collapsed on top of me, chest heaving, forehead pressed into the curve of my neck.

For a long moment, the only sound was our ragged breathing, our racing hearts.

Then, finally, he lifted his head — messy hair, flushed cheeks, swollen lips — and looked down at me like I was something sacred.

"You’re not leaving," he said, voice still wrecked.

It wasn’t a question. It was a promise.

I smiled, threading my fingers into his sweaty hair, tugging him down into a slow, lazy kiss.

"Wasn’t planning on it," I whispered against his mouth.

And from the way he kissed me after that — slow, deep, endless — I knew we were just getting started.

I barely had the strength to move — but apparently, Nico had other plans.

Still breathless, still pressed against me like he couldn’t stand even an inch of space, he kissed a slow, lazy path along my jaw and murmured against my skin:

"Come shower with me."

I hummed, pretending to think about it. "I don't know," I teased, voice wrecked. "I might need a stretcher."

He laughed — low and rough and stupidly hot — and before I could protest, he scooped me up bridal-style like I weighed nothing.

"You can rest after," he said, voice dark with promise. "Not done with you yet."

Oh, fuck.

I clung to him, heart pounding again, feeling the heat in his body like a second skin.

The bathroom filled with steam almost immediately — the water hot, the air thick — but Nico didn't even set me down right away.

He pressed me back against the cold tile, his body a furnace against mine, kissing me slow and filthy like we had all the time in the world.

His hands slid over my slick skin — everywhere — fingers tracing every curve, relearning me like he couldn't believe I was real.

"You’re so fucking pretty," he murmured against my mouth, hands squeezing my ass, grinding his hips into me shamelessly.

"Thought you said you wanted to shower," I teased breathlessly, raking my nails down his back just to hear him growl.

"Changing plans," he muttered, and then he dropped to his knees — in the shower, water pouring over him — and buried his face between my thighs like a man starved.

I cried out, grabbing onto his messy hair, anchoring myself as his tongue worked me over — relentless, filthy, worshipping.

The water ran down my body, mixing with the slick slide of his mouth, his fingers digging into my hips to hold me still.

I was already oversensitive, already wrecked from before, but he didn’t seem to care. He wanted more. He wanted everything.

When I came — hard, shaking, sobbing his name into the echoing steam — he didn’t let up. Not even a little.

He licked me through it, slow and devastating, until I was slumping against the wall, barely able to stand. Finally, he rose to his feet, mouth glistening, eyes dark and blown wide with hunger.

"You’re gonna kill me," I whispered, laughing weakly.

He just grinned, that dangerous, heart-melting smile, and lifted me again — caging me against the wall, his cock sliding against my thigh, hot and so fucking ready.

"Not until I’ve had my fill," he growled, voice rough, wrecked.

And then he was inside me again — fast, deep, brutal — slamming into me with wet, filthy sounds that echoed off the tile walls, his fingers digging bruises into my hips.

The water washed over us, but it didn’t cool the heat even a little. It only made it messier… hotter… more out of control.

He fucked me like he couldn’t get deep enough, couldn’t get close enough, panting my name like a prayer, like a curse.

"Mine," he gritted against my mouth, pounding into me so hard the shelves shook. "You’re fucking mine."

"Yours," I gasped, clinging to him, giving him everything.

And when we came — together, wild and shattering and almost too much — it was everything.

When the world finally stopped spinning, Nico kissed my forehead — soft, reverent — still buried deep inside me. Still holding me like he would never let go. Still whispering my name like it was the only thing he ever wanted to say. And honestly? He didn’t even have to. Because my body already knew, I was his.

Completely. Hopelessly. Forever.

[room-surprise]

How Old Is Thistle?

(EDIT: I've made a follow-up post to this one that goes deeper into the math and additional evidence that the 5:1 ratio is correct. You can read it here!)

I've seen people debating this and a lot of folks insisting that Thistle is a child, and since Thistle just debuted in the anime, I wanted to do a full write-up to help myself and others figure this out.

We don't know how old any of the Merini family members are exactly, so the best we can do is guess based on the information we have, but after carefully studying the manga, I think Thistle is at least a teenager, but much more likely a young adult, and definitely not a prepubescent child.

Here's what we know:

EDIT: Depending on what translation you read of some of the extra materials, Freinag implies that Thistle is the same age as some of his advisors.

Here's a detailed translation of this panel from my friend Fumi:

Elves age 5 times slower than tall-men.

16 year old tall-men in Dungeon Meshi's medieval time period are adults, they commonly join the military, get married, have children, etc.

An 80 year old elf is an adult. Pattadol is 82 and she's a lieutenant in a military unit. It's her first job and she's obviously a rookie, but Captain Flamela tells Pattadol to accomplish her mission or die trying.

Many fully adult elves look like what we might consider children or young teens, because they're short, petite, and have androgynous features.

An average elven adult is around 150-155cm tall (5 ft), meaning some are shorter than that, and some are taller. Thistle is 130 cm, which is short, but not unheard of.

Fleki is 130 (26) years old and she's 140 cm tall (4'7")

Otta is 137 (27) years old and she's 130 cm (4'5") tall, the same height as Thistle!

They are both women, but there's probably plenty of elven men in their height range.

Just so we can compare Thistle to some adult elven men, Mithrun and his brother are probably adults (or close to it) in the panel on the left.

Mithrun (in this image) is somewhere between 75 and 144 (probably in his 80's), and his brother is older than him (so he could be in his late 80s or 90s). As you can see, they don't look that different from Thistle, Otta or Fleki.

So, how old is Thistle?

(Spoilers below the cut)

Thistle was brought to the royal court as a child (found on the street, stolen or purchased, we don't know how they got him). At the absolute youngest I'd guess Thistle is 25 years old here (so about 5 years old for a tall-man.) He can already play the flute, and possibly the lute, and most children that aren't prodigies can't handle playing an instrument (physically or mentally) until they're around 5.

EDIT: We now know that Thistle is the same age as Freinag, the king that takes him in! So Thistle must be at least 25 years old in this comic, though realistically he could be anywhere from 25 to 40 based on how Kui drew Freinag.

He lived in the court for an unknown amount of time, Freinag hasn't changed much but Thistle appears to have aged a little, so let's say it's been 5 years and Thistle is 30 (6) when Delgal is born. More than 5 years could have passed, but I'm trying to keep the numbers low.

Delgal gets married and has a child. Delgal should be at least 15 at this point, but since he has a full mustache before his wedding, I think he's in his 20's, since teenagers tend to not be the best at growing robust facial hair.

(He has a full beard by the time Eodio's a young child.)

Thistle puts the kingdom inside the dungeon around this point, however, people are still aging: Delgal's grandson Yaad is born, and Eodio is clearly a young adult here, probably in his 20's. Therefore, there is NO REASON to assume Thistle stopped aging. "The dungeon lords don't age" is a common fan headcanon I've seen people spreading, but it has no clear canon basis.

Yaad ages until he looks about 13-15 years old, and at this point all of the people of the kingdom and Thistle appear to stop aging, and 1,000 years pass.

So, the youngest Thistle could possibly be, if he was 30 (6) when Delgal was born, if Delgal was 15 when he had Eodio, and Eodio was 15 when he had Yaad, and Yaad is 13 years old...

Is 73 years old, which would make Thistle about 14.6 years old by tall-man standards.

HOWEVER, I think it's VERY unlikely that all the characters are that young.

I think it's clear from Kui's drawings that Delgal and Eodio are not 15 years old when they become fathers, and that Freinag is at least 25 when he takes in Thistle.

If we assume Thistle was 30 when Delgal was born, and Delgal and Eodio were both at least 20 when they had children, even if Yaad is only 13 years old, that makes Thistle at least 83 years old (16.6), and makes him older than Pattadol, who is an adult at 82.

However, I think it's entirely possible that Thistle was anywhere from 40-50 when Delgal was born, and Delgal could have been anywhere from 20 to 30 when he had Eodio, and Eodio could have been anywhere from 20-25 when he had Yaad. If you use the maximum ages, and assume Yaad is 15, then Thistle could be as old as 120 (24).

I think a reasonable middle ground is assuming Thistle was 30 (6) when Delgal was born, Delgal had Eodio at 25, Eodio had Yaad at 20, and Yaad is 15... Which would make Thistle 90 (18) years old.

This of course says nothing about Thistle's emotional maturity or sanity, he's obviously stunted in some ways, but the point I want to make here is:

Thistle's age could be anywhere from 14.6 to 24 at the most extreme, but more realistically he's somewhere between 16.6 and 18.

And that's not even counting the thousand years that he's lived since then!

And that's all I've got to say about that 🙏🙏🙏🙏

(EDIT: Follow-up post with additional evidence here.) EDIT 2: I've seen a lot of people talking about the page Kui drew talking about elven earmuffs. It's considered just barely okay for Pattadol to wear them, but it's ok for Thistle to wear them... In which case I'd say Thistle could be any age younger than 83. That's handy as it knocks out some of the older ages!

So in that case Thistle's age is between 73 years old and 82, which makes him developmentally between 14.6 and 16.4!

[16wolke11]

Paddock Bunny [1] - LN4

A/N First part of the "Paddock-Bunny" Series. A bit of her backstory and how it all started.

WORDS: 4598

WARNING: NSFW (oral (male and female receiving) / protected sex)

_____

Stepping into the world of Formula 1 was never the plan I had for my future. Sure, as a young girl, I dreamed of getting into one of the teams as a mechanic, but growing up, I realised that this might not be one of the most realistic dreams I could have. Nevertheless, I worked hard, did everything to become a mechanic, learned at the local karting tracks and somehow stumbled into one of the junior categories, which opened up the door to the racing world for me. At first, it was more of being an intern, doing the work nobody liked to do, but at the same time, I could watch and learn. The boys from Prema became my family on and off track and so I climbed the ladder until I was a permanent member of the F2 crew. I can't deny that it is a stressful job, but it is exactly what I wanted.

At that point, I was happy, didn't think it could get any better, but then I got the offer from Mercedes. I thought someone in the team was joking with me at first, but then I was approached at one of the race weekends and was asked if I would like to see my potential working space. Of course, I accepted the offer and from then on, I was at the top, working with one of the best teams and where I wanted to be when I was a child. But instead of being a valuable member of the team, I needed to find my spot, was designated to simple work until I could prove myself, which is rather difficult when you aren't allowed to do anything.

During this time, I bonded with George, don't even know anymore how that happened, but he pulled me into his friend circle, and I got to know some of the drivers. And from that moment on, I was invited to their after-race weekend parties and other activities more often, making me feel fully welcomed in the world of F1.

Today is nothing different from the last season and currently it is the party of the season opener. The first time the boys showed off their real speed for the season

"What am I going to get for my first win?" Lando suddenly asks me, head slightly tilting to the side, before he takes a sip from his drink, eyes still firmly on me. That's a sudden change of the conversation and I lift one of my eyebrows before answering him.

"Probably a lot of money." I am sure he will get a bonus from the team and maybe even from the sponsors for securing his first win. He probably even gets a bonus for every podium, but the first win will be celebrated in a special way.

Lando clicks his tongue, before shaking his head and then he adds something to his question.

"No, from you."

I frown. why should I get something for his first win? He isn't even driving for the team I am working for. The only ones that would be getting gifts from me are the Mercedes boys, but even they don't get anything. "Why do you think you get something from me?" I ask Lando, because he certainly thought about this before.

"Because it is a special occasion." He states, takes another sip of his drink and I squint my eyes at him.

"More special than your birthday?" I ask back, because I never gifted him anything for his birthday before. A day people tend to see as a special one, but it seems like Lando thinks that there are better days than the day he was born on. He nods fondly but quickly stops and needs to hold himself up on the wall. Seems like that had made him dizzy. A soft smile appears on my lips, and I am almost sure he will be either embarrassed about this conversation by tomorrow or forget it completely.

"Can I wish for something?" Lando then asks and I don't think much of it when I give him the permission.

"Go for it."

Lando hesitates and I almost think he needs to decide on a wish first, that he didn't, though I would allow him one, but then he leans closer, voice barely above a whisper. "One night with you." My heart stops and I almost hope I heard him wrong over the bass of the music, even though deep down I know that this is exactly what he asked for.

"Lando..." I Mutter knowing he wanted this for so long. There were no feelings between us, besides just attraction, no butterflies, no feelings and nothing that should be exclusive. We both have been in a relationship since we met, but every time we are both single, Lando shoots his shot for a hook up.

I declined every single time.

"Please?" Lando looks at me and gives me the perfect puppy eyes only he can make, and I feel my walls crumble. Usually I would say no, telling him I can't just hook up with a driver, and especially not one from a rival team, but maybe a little bit of fun wouldn't hurt anyone? I take a deep breath, making a decision, but I add a condition.

"Fine, if you get your first win in the next five races, you get me as a price." I tell Lando and his eyes light up. It's a hard limit I set for him, but Lando was fast late season, he might manage to get his win and if not, no harm is done.

"Deal." He holds out his hand for me to shake and we seal the deal with it, before continuing the party as if nothing happened.

In the next races, Lando is close to getting his first win, but even though he is on the podium, the top step isn't reserved for him yet. Race-Weekend number six comes up, Miami is Lando's last chance to fulfil his half of the deal, not that I'm keeping track of that. But in his last attempt, he managed to get the first-place trophy.

"Lando Norris crosses the line and claims his first ever victory in Formula 1." Cheers erupt all over the track and I can't hold back a soft smile. Looks like he finally did it. I am proud of him and want to go over to Lewis' car to put the coolers on, until one thought comes to my mind.

The deal we have...Tonight was the sixth race of the season, meaning that Lando managed to take his maiden victory on the last opportunity for him to claim me as a prize.

"This is going to be a long night." I sigh, before finally stepping to Lewis' car, eyes on the podium sitters, while working on it. It does take me a while before I can even try to search for Lando and congratulate him, but after what feels like hours, I finally meet him.

"Congrats, race winner!" I hug Lando tightly and he even lifts me in the air, before setting me down on the ground again.

"Thank you!" He grins, but has no time to continue chatting, because he is called over by his press officer.

"Come to party with us tonight?" Lando asks me, while already walking backwards to his PR.

"Sure." I accept and already know he is going to get so wasted tonight. But who would judge him? He waited long enough for this win with countless P2 and nearly there situations.

"You made it!" Lando grins, flinging his arm around my shoulders to pull me into a hug. He smells like alcohol, what could still be the champagne sticking to his curls, or the one he is consuming.

"Of course I did." I say, it is rare that I don't make it to a party I was invited to. Only if it was a tough day, I am not feeling well or have to catch an early flight back home.

"Don't drink too much, I want you to last tonight." I whisper into Lando's ear when he takes another sip from his drink, and he tenses up.

"What?" He asks, eyebrows furrowed, like he has no idea what I am talking about and my heart sinks. Has he forgotten the deal we made?

"Your gift?" I remind him and suddenly there is a wide grin on Lando's lips. Looks like he didn't forget what we decided during the party after the first race of the season.

"You still remember?" He asks, tilting his head, a cheeky smile on his lips. I wasn't drunk that night, so there was rarely a chance that I was going to forget our deal.

"Of course, we made a deal." I tell him, and suddenly Lando doesn't look so cheerful anymore. He steps closer and drops his voice, not like anyone could hear us anyway.

"And you still want that?" Lando asks, trying to figure out if I am just here because we made that deal or if I am here because I really want it. It sweet that he seeks consent, and I am sure that I made the right choice by giving him what he wishes for.

"I wouldn't be here if not." I say honest and Lando gulps at my words.

"Fuck." He mutters, wants to say something else, but then someone calls his name. Lando apologizes and disappears, but I can't be mad at him. He just won his first race, of course, everyone wants to party with him.

I don't see Lando for at least an hour, spending time with other people in the meantime, only sipping on a drink or two to stay sober enough. Hopefully, Lando will do the same, because I don't want to share the night with an intoxicated Lando. That's probably not what he wants either. When I meet Lando again, the smell of liquor on him is strong, but he doesn't seem to be drunk. Maybe he drank a water or two between his drinks to sober up a bit.

"Do you want to kiss as bad as I do?" Lando suddenly speaks up, arm wrapped around my waist, fingers drawing circles on my skin after he slipped them under my shirt. I chuckle softly, not feeling the immediate urge to kiss Lando in public, but I can't deny that he looks hot. Curl tamed by a backwards cap, body covered by a tight shirt, leaving little to my imagination, but still, we are in public.

"We can leave if you want?" I offer Lando and his eyes light up.

"Yes please." He says, ditching his glass on the next table, before leading me out of the club. We don't say goodbye to anyone, not that it would be their business that we are leaving together. And most of them are probably too drunk to notice either that we aren't there anymore.

We make our way to Lando's hotel, keeping the touches to a limit until we reach the closed doors of his room. I look at Lando, see his eyes flicker to my lips and before he can move, I stand on my tiptoes to kiss him. Lips crashing down on each other, bodies melting to get as close as possible and hands start to wander.

I whimper softly when his hands knead my ass, and I try to get even closer to him. Hands wandering over his back, dipping under his shirt, feeling the muscles move under my fingertips. Lando lets his lips wander, trails them down my neck to nip on the skin, making me lull my head to the side. My fingers dig into his skin when he sinks his teeth into the skin over my pulse to softly suck a small mark into the skin. I can feel Lando's fingers grab the hem of my shirt, but then he pulls his head back, looking into my eyes.

"I need you to give me consent, okay?" Lando asks me and a soft smile comes onto my lips. This is really cute of him. I give him a nod, but Lando shakes his head, not accepting this as an answer.

"Words, I need to hear you say it." He tells me and I need to gulp before answering.

"I want it." This is the truth, no matter how much Lando wanted this, I also want to share the night with him, feel his body on mine and experience the lust with him.

"Good." Lando mutters, connecting our lips for a short kiss, before he pulls my shirt over my head. I don't wait long to tug on his shirt as well, fingers roaming over the warm skin, sending shivers down his spine. Without waiting for Lando, I wiggle out of my jeans, before I take a step back, feeling Lando's eyes linger on my body, especially being focused on my underwear.

"Do you like it?" I ask him, twirl around before I look at him again. The papaya coloured lace covers my breast, panties barely existing, but matching in the same colour. "Got them just for you." I tell him, which is the truth. After the deal, I went shopping for a pretty set of lingerie and when my eyes caught sight of this colour, I had to get them.

"You are going to be the death of me." Lando groans, tipping his head back for a moment, before stepping close to me again. Fingers hovering over my skin, barely touching it, sending shivers down my spine. As much as I want him to rail me, put his fingers, tongue and cock into me, this night is about him. About his race, about his pleasure, about a reward for him being the best on track.

"Sit down." I instruct Lando, pointing to the bed and he listens. Walks the few steps to the bed, before sitting down on the edge, waiting for me to come over. Standing in front of him, I tangle my hands into his hair, kiss his lips, once, twice, before pulling back again. Lando places his hands on my hips, trying to get me onto his lap, but I resist his grip, tipping my head beside his ear to whisper into it.

"You won the race, you get all the attention."

Then I drop to my knees, looking up at Lando, whose eyes just got darker, pupils so dilated that they almost seem black. Fingers opening up his trousers and Lando lifts his hips to help me pull them down. He is fully hard by now, tip already leaking and I lick over my lower lip, before taking his length into my hand.

His skin is warm under my fingers, and I make sure to keep looking at Lando's face, trying to figure out which movements he likes the most. Teasing the tip with my fingers makes his head fall back and a low groan escapes his lips. His fingers are tangled into the bedsheet under him and when he bucks his hips up for the first time, I take my hand off him.

Lando whines softly, hand searching for me to get me back in contact and I let him lead my head to his cock. Opening up my mouth to take him, sinking his length into my mouth and being held in place for a moment by Lando's grip in my hair.

Then he softens his pressure a bit and I can move freely, bobbing my head up and down, creating a rhythm while listening to Lando's quickening breathing pattern. My hands are placed on his thighs to hold me steady while I do my best to give Lando as much pleasure as I can. Tongue swirling around his tip, before softly sucking at it makes him groan and moan, hips bucking up to my mouth, grip in my hair is getting tighter and then the first words of praise leave his lips.

"Just like that." Lando tells me and I moan around his cock, sending a shockwave of pleasure through his body. He pushes me down on his length, tip nudging my throat and I dig my fingernails into his thighs, making him groan even louder. I continue bobbing my head up and down when Lando softens his grip again, but when I bring my tongue back to his tip, he pulls my abruptly off his cock.

"Stop, stop." He paints, fingers tangled in my hair, keeping my head up. I lick over my lips, still tasting the salty precum on them, before I look up to Lando.

"If you keep going, I am going to come," Lando mutters, hands pulling out of my hair, before letting his thumb brush over my cheek. I tilt my head slightly to the side, not seeing the problem in sucking him off until he comes into my mouth.

"We have all night." I tell him that there is no rush, that he can come as often as he would like to and that we don't have to stop after the first time. Having nowhere to be until the plane takes off the next day. No matter whether I can walk or not.

"But I am not patient." Lando tells me and before I can even blink, he takes me under the arms and throws me onto the bed. I just blink, not even having time to really react when his lips come crashing down on mine. Moaning into his mouth, I curl my body into his, trying to get most of his touch. I wrap one of my legs around his hips, pushing him down between my legs, feeling his cock brush against my already wet panties.

Lando's hands wander behind my back, opening the bra with ease, before flicking it off my body. His lips leave mine and trail over my skin. Visiting the mark on my neck again, before he wanders lower. Meeting my collarbone, grazing his teeth over the thin skin and then dipping lower again. Hands slotted beside my body to keep himself up, when his lips come in contact with my breast.

A soft moan leaves my lips when his tongue meets the soft pearl of my nipple, swirling around it, before he gives it a soft suck with his lips. I arch my body to get even more out of his touch, fingers gripping his curls to keep his mouth on my breast, only to whimper when he scratches them carefully with his teeth. Grinding my hips upwards desperately, I search for more of this pleasure and Lando groans softly against my skin.

With a soft pop, he lets go of my breast, lips wandering south again. Tongue dipping into my belly button, until he is at the hem of the papaya coloured panties. He bites into the lace to pull it down my body, only using his hands when he gets stuck, before he sits up on the bed. Lando takes my ankles in his hands to prop my legs up, opening me up for him. His fingers dip between my folds just once, before a sigh leaves his lips.

"You're so wet." Lando mutters, eyes locking with mine when he licks his fingers, only to groan softly. My eyes widen at the sigh, not knowing that something simple could look so hot. Just when Lando takes the base of his cock and wants to lead himself to my entrance I come to my sense again.

"Condom?" I ask him and Lando arches an eyebrow like he is asking if I really asked this question right now.

"Really?"

"Yep." I nod, ready to end all of this just because he isn't willing to wrap himself in a condom. Even though I am on birth control, I don't want to risk anything regarding the fact that I don't know if he is clean.

"Fiiiine." Lando whines, but waddles to his luggage to get one out of it. He takes his place between my legs again, rolling the condom down his length, before looking back at me again.

"Still okay with this?" He asks, fingers trailing over my tight and I really like that he still asks for consent even though we are so deep into it by now.

"Now I am." I tell him, because him wearing protection is the last thing I need to be okay with this thing.

"Good." Lando grins, dips down to kiss me, before bringing himself into position. Fingers curled around the base of his cock to guide it between my folds. Nudging it against my clit, makes me whimper, before Lando pushes in with one smooth movement of his hips.

"Fuck Lando!" I moan, clenching around him without being able to stop myself while my body tries to adjust to the feeling. It feels like a pleasant stretch, it doesn't hurt, but I do feel the fact that I haven't gotten laid in a while. Lando plants his elbows beside my head, body covering mine, while he glides even deeper.

"Say it again." He commands, referring to me moaning his name. My finger digs into his back and I am only able to whimper when his hips snap into mine. He almost pulls them back completely, before shoving his length back in again. I am still adjusting to his size while the pleasure is already taking over my body.

"Lando." I whimper his name again, making him groan and bottom me out again. Wrapping my legs around his hips, I try to change the angle of his thrust, trying to make it easier for me to take, but he only slides in deeper.

"Again." Lando pants, picking up the pace. Not taking long and deep thrusts, but rather quick, sharp snaps of his hip, making his tip nudge my G-spot over and over again. I can feel the burning feeling of pleasure in my lower abdomen, but it is building up way too quickly.

"Fuck, slower." I whine against Lando's skin, teeth digging into his shoulder to muffle my sounds. His skin tastes salty under my tongue and I throw my head back when he is hitting his target over and over again. I clench around Lando, making him groan, before burying his head in my neck.

"You feel so good." He whispers, keeps thrusting, making the bed thump against the wall with every sharp snap of his hips. My whimpers get high-pitched, and I know that I am close, body arching into Lando's and I am ready to let go, let him use me over and over again, when Lando suddenly pulls out.

"No, Lando." I can feel the tears prickle in my eyes, and I try to reach for him, but he is shuffling back on the bed. "Shhh." Lando hushes me, before dipping his head between my thighs. Hands holding them apart while his tongue parts my folds.

"Oh god." I cry out and tilt my hips upwards to meet his tongue, fingers getting tangled in his hair to keep him close. Lando chuckles against my skin, sending vibrations through my clit, making me want to close my tights around his head, but Lando keeps them firmly open.

He draws shapes with his tongue on my clit, sucking the most sensitive part of my body between his lips only to make me whimper and moan his name over and over again. I clench around nothing but air, slick dripping out of me, staining the bedsheets while Lando keeps lapping over my clit.

"I'm..." I just manage to whimper, before a strangled moan leaves my lips, hips bucking upwards to keep close to Lando's mouth when the orgasm crashes down on me. My thighs shake under his hands and finally, Lando allows me to close them while he breathes soft kisses onto my lower abdomen. I try to take a deep breath in an attempt to calm my body down, but it is barely working. Keeping my eyes closed while Lando keeps peppering kisses onto my body, wandering up, until he reaches my lips.

"Can I continue?" He asks me and I manage to open my eyes, seeing the desperate look in his and I nod, letting him help me sit up. My thighs feel damp, but I don't care; this is something I can fix later, when we are finished.

"Yes, but be careful." I ask him to and Lando smiles softly at me. He helps me into a different position, on my hands and knees and even though my legs are shaking slightly, I manage to stay like that. Lando nudges my legs apart, before bringing his cock back between my thighs.

"Shit." I whimper when he pushes in, still sensitive from that high, but Lando is careful as I asked him to. Staying still until the clenching has calmed down a bit, before he slowly starts moving his hips. His thrust is slow and deep, exactly what I need right now. My fingers dig into the duvet under me and my body moves on its own, meeting Lando's thrust with eager movements like it is not totally exhausted.

"That's it, love." Lando praises me softly, fingers holding onto my hips, while he keeps his pace. Pulling his hips back, tip staying inside of me, before pushing back in until his cock is fully buried inside of me. From time to time, he lets his tip slip out as well, nudging it against my clit, sending shivers down my spine, before gliding back into me.

"You're so tight around me." Lando huffs, grip around my hips tightening and then he does pick up his pace a little bit. I wince at the stimulation and need to drop my upper body to the mattress before my arms give in. Changing the angle, making Lando's length slide against my g-spot again and I tighten up even more for him. His groaning and I am sure his fingers will leave marks on my skin by how hard he presses them into my skin.

I can feel him throb inside of me, and just when I think he can't do anything else to heighten my pleasure, his fingers dip between my legs. Finding my throbbing clit easily to roll it between his fingertips, makes me scream out his name again and with a mix of profanities on his lips Lando spills into the condom, riding out his high while I clench my second orgasm around him.

My body shivers when he pulls out and I need to suppress a little whine. Maybe going all night was a strong take from me at the beginning of this round. I feel tired, but I let Lando turn me around and then clean my tights. It would probably be better to shower; we both are covered in sweat, but right now, neither of us wants to move.

"Are you okay?" Lando asks, fingers trailing over my side.

"Hm, tired." I tell him, eyes already fluttering close.

"You can sleep here if you want to." He offers me and I didn't plan to do anything else but that.

"Will do."

Just when I want to try to fall asleep, one last thought comes to my mind. „Lando?"

"Yes?" He hums and I lift my head to look at him.

"Just don't tell anyone about this, I don't need everyone to know we fucked." That wouldn't be ideal if any of the bosses figured out that I slept with one of the rival drivers.

"Okay."

[primofate]

Confessions Series - Part 1: Overheard [Genshin Impact Male Characters]

Note: Welp I had the itch to write again so here I am. Though sleep deprived because baby keeps waking up every 3 hours to feed... I wanted to do this haha. Based on @soulprompts “I love you” prompts. What other character should I do?

Warnings: haven’t written in a while please excuse and tell me about pronoun slips, I’m sleep deprived, not proofread, some are just concepts of liking someone, having a crush on them, while some are full blown love confessions. SOME ARE ANGSTY, chose only the male characters I wanted to write for instead of forcing myself to do all of them.

Characters: Aether, Albedo, Alhaitham, Ayato, Cyno, Dainsleif, Diluc, Itto, Kaeya, Scaramouche, Xiao, gn!reader  

Other works in this series: (Part 2 - Description)

Scenario: Talking to a friend about how you feel about him. Unbeknownst to you, he was listening, hidden round the corner. What does he do?

Aether

“He’s sweet,” You simply answer when asked what you like about Aether. “I mean, he’s a simple guy. He’s not a mystery, it’s not hard to read him nor to get along with him. I guess that’s one of the reasons why a lot of people like him.” 

“Uhuh,” your friend drawls, their head lazily resting on their hand. “but you don’t just like Aether. You seriously LIKE him,” 

You’re rendered speechless by the statement for a second, tripping over your first words, “Well--I mean--” and as if realizing you’re making a fool of yourself by speaking in garbles, you recover. “Yeah, I guess...” You don’t know why you admit to it, but it’s not like your friend didn’t already know.

What he does:

Is tempted to immediately walk up to you and reconfirm the conversation.

Stops himself for a minute and replays the whole conversation in his head, probably once, twice and maybe a third time.

Second guesses himself, but when he finally goes through all possible options, he realizes there’s no mistaking the overheard confession.

All the while, Paimon is nagging him to go talk to you. “You didn’t hear wrong! Stop thinking too much, hurry and go!” Ends up being pushed out into the open by his flying companion.

“Erm...Ahem” he coughs into his fist. “I...didn’t mean to eavesdrop...Y/N, sorry, but... can we continue this conversation somewhere else? Somewhere...a little more private?” and the shy smile he gives you is a tell tale sign that he had most likely felt the same.

Albedo

“His schedule is always busy. He has his hands full with Klee, on top of all the work he needs to do,” was your excuse to your friend when asked why you haven’t confessed to the alchemist yet. “I don’t think Albedo has time for this type of thing, you know? He doesn’t need a distraction.”

What he does:

His logical side agrees that he doesn’t need a distraction.

But the other part of him doesn’t mind if its you.

Pauses for a moment, thinks about it for a second, before confronting you about it just minutes later.

“...Schedules can be made flexible, Y/N,” you jump at his sudden voice. “Just as distractions...can sometimes be a good thing,” Albedo stretches a hand out to you. “...Care to test how good of one you can be to me?” 

Alhaitham

“Y/N, Alhaitham is FAR from stupid. There’s no way he hasn’t figured out that you have a crush on him,”

“Shush!!” You swerve around to your friend, ducking a little, as if that would help you become invisible. “People could be listening, besides, if that’s true, then it’s even worse. It means that he knows, and probably has no interest in me, so let’s just forget about it, ok?” 

What he does:

..................................No he doesn’t know. Sure he’s smart but............he could be dense when it came to these things. That, or he just didn’t know what to do.

Does not confront you about it immediately. In fact he turns around and walks away without being spotted, opting to think about his next steps instead of just rushing into the conversation.

Lo and behold a few days later he’ll show up in front of you with his usual stoic expression.

“Y/N,” he starts, and you freeze on the spot, looking up at him, blinking. 

“Y-Yes?” You haven’t seen nor heard from him in days and as usual, you attributed it to him being busy. Little did you know that he had been mulling over how to talk to you.

“I heard your conversation with (your friend) the other day,” straightforward was his answer to everything, even in this particular situation. 

It takes you a few seconds to internalize his words. You’re not even sure which conversation he means. You talk to (your friend) a lot. Your brows start to furrow in confusion, until he clarifies. 

“...I wouldn’t say that I completely have no interest in you,” he starts, and your shoulders tense up, now realizing which conversation it was. You could feel your cheeks start to burn, all you wanted to do was run away. 

Alhaitham holds back a sigh, “...Anyway, here is no place to talk about this... I’ll meet you at Puspa Cafe tonight, if you’re free,” 

You’re FAR from stupid too, and knew exactly what he was trying to do.

Ayato

“Besides why would the Lord Commissioner even look at someone like me?” you hiss at your friend who was trying to persuade you that Ayato also had the hots for you. It just seemed a little delusional to you.

“He takes the chance to rile you up every time he sees you. He’s obviously doing it on purpose,” your friend counters. You roll your eyes up to high heaven.

“He does that to everyone...” you conclude, knowing that Ayato had the habit of--though you don’t know if intentionally--giving his servants a scare. 

“Alright, alright, you don’t have to be so jealous,” your friend quips back, you send them a quick glare before going back to doing your own work.

What he does:

Doesn’t even bat an eye. Smirks as he hears the whole story. 

Confidently reveals his presence to the two of you, chuckling.

“Jealousy doesn’t usually paint a beautiful colour,” he starts, the overly pleasant smile on his face. You straighten up immediately, eyes changing into saucers when you realize he had heard the whole thing. You open your mouth to explain, but he beats you to it.

“But I must say it looks a little different on you, Y/N, almost charming,” The side of his lip quirks up the slightest bit into a subtle grin. You bite your lip, there he is again trying to rile you up, maybe (your friend) was right. 

“...Is there anything I can do for you Lord Commissioner?” you ask, trying to stray away from the subject. He only chuckles. 

“You’ll find that there are a LOT of things you can do for me, Y/N. Start by accompanying me to tea, hm?” He wasn’t really asking, it was almost a command. 

You wished your friend snickering on the side would just shut up.

Cyno

“...He’s a little intimidating don’t you think? I don’t know why you like him so much,” your friend comments, slacking off on their pile of paperwork. You roll your eyes at them. 

“Maybe because he works hard, unlike other people,” you shake your head a little. 

“As General Mahamatra he’s supposed to work hard. Just admit that you have weird tastes.” your friend counters, still procrastinating on their share of work.

“Okay, so what if he’s a little vicious in his ways? He’s just doing his job. Now, it would help me if you started doing yours as well,” 

What he does:

Doesn’t know what to do.

Stands hidden for quite a long time. The subject has already moved on and away from him.

Torn between revealing himself now or later. 

Can’t think properly so exits from the situation and comes back later that same day, when you’re still working with your friend.

As he approaches your table, your friend notices him first. (Your friend) nudges you with their elbow, tilting their chin up to let you know that someone was approaching. 

You pick your head up, and feel yourself go rigid when you see that it’s Cyno. At first you think to yourself that he might not be here to talk to you, maybe he’s just about to walk by...but he stops in front of your table and you’re left to wordlessly look up at him.

There’s a moment of silence that seemed to stretch on forever.

“...I value the high praise that you give me,” he starts and you immediately want to duck under the table and hide.

He heard. 

“O-Oh, G-General Mahamatra, you heard that...It’s...nothing, hard work deserves to be praised...” you avert your gaze down to the papers you were working on, pretending to continue and be busy with them. 

There was an awkward pause, your eyes darting up towards him for a second, checking if he was still looking at you, before breaking away again and furiously flipping through papers.

“...Do you want to play some TCG?” 

“Huh?” You end up with an incredulous look on your face, trying to gauge if he was serious. His face is still blank, but the usual tenseness in the way he carried himself gave way for a barely seen relaxation. It was hard to spot, but it was there. 

You ended up sighing a little in what you could only describe as relief, giving him a lopsided smile. “Sure, but go easy on me, I haven’t played in a while,”

“That’s fine. Perhaps a daily practice session will do you good,”

Dainsleif

“Mysterious, aloof, disappears into thin air... A man like that? You probably should stay away, Y/N. You don’t know what he dabbles in,” (Your friend) warns, looking at you with genuine concern. 

“Perhaps he has some secrets...but I don’t think he’s a bad guy at all. I’ve spent some time conversing with Dainsleif here and there,” you continue to wipe the tables, not noticing that the man you were talking about had long entered the tavern already and was now standing behind the two of you.

“At least he’s handsome, there’s that,” (Your friend) adds. 

“Sure, but that’s not the only reason I like him,” you laugh.

What he does:

Wonders if he heard the conversation right and overanalyzes what you mean by “like” him.

Either way it stirs a strange emotion in him, one that he hadn’t felt in a long, long time.

Prefers to get things over with and thinks there’s no harm in confronting you immediately.

You hear someone clear their throat behind you. Thinking that it was a customer you turn around with a pleasant smile, only for it to slowly dwindle down into a shocked expression.

Dainsleif.

“Y/N,” he nods his head towards you casually. You gulp, force a smile, and nod back. “Hi, you’re early today,” just as your friend slips away from the conversation. Dainsleif doesn’t even spare them a glance.

He doesn’t have much to say about your comment of him being early. He doesn’t particularly know why he was early today either. Perhaps...fate would have him hear the conversation between you and (Your friend).

“Yes, well, it looks like there were benefits to being early today,” he meets you eye to eye, the intensity in his gaze almost makes you blush from your neck all the way up to the top of your head, but you fought the giddiness back. 

“...What can I get you?” there’s a shiver that threatens to run up your spine, wondering if your deflection was successful. Dainsleif closes his eyes momentarily, before opening them with a strange sense of courage. 

“Your company,”

Diluc

“It’s been years,” (Your friend) says, the two of you looking up at the massive oak tree of Windrise. They glance at you from the side of their eye before continuing. “Are you still in love with Diluc?”

There’s a breeze that passes, almost melancholic, and partly whispered of sorrow. “...I don’t think I’ll ever stop loving him.” You pick your hand up to rub at your arm. “Jean, Kaeya, Diluc and I...So many things have changed since we were kids...but I don’t think that spot for Diluc will ever go away,”

“Does he know, at least?” (Your friend) asks and you half scoff. 

“I’m not sure, I get the feeling he does, but doesn’t act on it. Which is why...maybe the only way to solve this emptiness is to leave Mondstadt altogether.” 

“Out of sight, out of mind huh?” (Your friend) claps your back, and turns around to start walking away with you.

What he does:

Internally a mess of emotions. Doesn’t know where to start. 

but he’s just standing there and he’s stuck watching (your friend) and you turn around to come face to face with him. 

He looks at you, a wave of memories and emotions flashing through his mind all at once, it almost overwhelms him. 

“D-Diluc,” you stutter, heart freezing in your chest. You see him take a steadying breath in, prying his gaze away from you and over to (Your friend).

“(Your friend), could you give us a minute?” he asks. (Your friend) obliges, passing you a quick glance before going ahead on their own. Another breeze runs by, ruffling his long red hair. 

“...I didn’t mean for you to hear that,” you start, and yet he doesn’t say anything, prompting you to continue talking. “...You don’t have to think about it too much, it’s just silly--”

“I wasn’t sure,” he cuts you off, eyes drawn to the ground now. “I wasn’t sure...if you really felt that way.” 

The statement somehow exasperates you. “You weren’t sure? All those times I stayed by your side when everyone else left--” then it hits you. “Or were you scared, Diluc?”

The quick grimace in his expression tells you the answer. His reply comes a few seconds later, “I was, I still am,” but he picks his head up, and finally looks you straight in the eye. “...but this time...” his fists clench on his side. “This time give me the chance to show you how much I really care about you,”

He was not going to lose you too.

Itto

“Seriously?! Itto? Arataki Itto? Are you for real?” (Your friend) announces to nearly half of the food stall, the other customers swerving around to look at the two of you. 

"Oh, say it a bit louder why don’t you?” You roll your eyes at your friend and continue eating.”

“Sorry. I just--Out of all the people you could choose, your huge crush is on that big brute??” your can tell by the look on your friend’s face that they think you have weird tastes.

What he does:

Butts in without even thinking of the conversation. Has no clue what’s going on.

“Crush?!”

You and your friend startle, swerving around to see none other than the oni with his hands on his hips. “Y/N?! You planning on crushing me?!” then he guffaws with laughter, slapping his knees in the process. “Yeah right, you’re no match for me!”

Your previously gaped open mouth slowly closes and your shoulders relax, sighing. You’re a little disappointed he doesn’t get it at all. Your friend shakes their head with a long sigh. “You stupid oaf, we don’t mean it that way...” 

Itto’s head tilts sideways, a genuinely confused look on his face. “No? Then... Watcha all talkin about?” 

You grab your friend’s arm and pull them forward the slightest bit. “It’s not important! Actually, we better get going--”

“Y/N has a CRUSH on you, idiot! Y/N LIKES you!” Your friend explodes, patience long gone. 

Itto blinks at the confession, his eyes darts towards you, “...Oh,” then there’s the slight tugging at his chest, he can’t help but beam and smile silly. “Yeah? You’re not too bad yourself Y/N! I like you too!”

You’re not sure if he really understood the confession in its entirety. 

Kaeya

“It’s all just fun and games with Kaeya. It doesn’t mean anything,” you laugh sheepishly, yet you rub the back of your neck a little.

“...Do you want it to be just fun and games?” your friend chides, and there’s a moment of silence. The two of you just sitting there already knowing the answer, it’s almost uncomfortable, until your friend sighs. 

“...Let’s change the subject,” 

What he does: 

responds immediately. Will not wait a second longer to come out of his hiding place and ask about what he just heard.

“How about let’s not?” Kaeya emerges out of nowhere, slipping into the seat next to you at the cafe. His poise is confident and instantly his head lazily places itself into the palm of his hand, gaze lingering at you. 

“Snowflake, I had no idea you felt like that,” his voice is smooth like ice and you bite your lip to keep yourself from saying something stupid.

“...I didn’t say anything though?” you countered, trying to evade the conversation. Your friend watches on with interest. 

“Silence speaks volumes, Y/N,” Kaeya scoots even closer to you, your shoulders touching each other. However, he maneuvers his arm around to lay on the seat behind you. “So if you’re opposed to what I’m about to do, better speak up,”

He leans closer, inch by inch, he waits for you to say something.

You stay silent.

He grins.

Scaramouche

“Hat guy? He’s brutal. But who am I to comment on your tastes, Y/N. You’ve always been weird,” (Your friend) chides, watching as you go over the bookshelf again. 

“Stop calling him that,” You murmur under your breath, more focused on finding the right book for your research. “That’s not his only distinctive feature, you know,” you continue, still engrossed in looking for a book.

“Oh? What else are his “distinctive features”?” (Your friend) drawls, rolling their eyes. 

You hum a little, then plop on the ground cross-legged, wanting to get a better look on the last row of books of the Akademiya’s library. “...His eyes,” you simply answer. “They’re a beautiful shade of violet-blue...He’s always glaring at someone half of the time but he actually has very pretty eyes,” 

There’s silence and you finally get the peace you need to concentrate. However, that silence is broken by a voice that you know all too well.

What he does:

is amused.

thinks its cute pathetic.

will still look angry but will have a hard time actually being angry.

will be cocky.

“My eyes, huh?”

It’s hard to completely turn around in your sitting position, so you do the best you can to turn, side eye landing on Scaramouche’s form. He has his arms crossed as usual, but there’s a smug smirk on his face. “Didn’t know it was that fascinating to you, bookeater,”

It was supposed to be an insulting nickname for you, who always had your nose in a book, but you took no offense to it at all.

You didn’t know what to say, so you continued staring at him. He being the anti-social person that he was, just stared back. There was a big gap of silence before he felt that it was becoming too awkward. 

“...What’re you looking for?” he blurted out.

“...A book...”

“Are you stupid? Of course you’re looking for a book. I meant what’s the title?” There his usual sneer was back again and he unfolded his arms to look at you unimpressively. 

“...A History of Inazuma: Volume 2...” you meekly replied, slowly realizing that he actually heard you praising him.

“You’re in the wrong section,” the exasperated sigh he gives out causes you to wince, and you turn away back to the bookshelf as if to shield you from all this embarrassment. 

“If it’s about Inazuma, you should just be asking me,” you blink as your peripheral catches sight of an outstretched hand. You tilt your head to see that he’s offering his hand, but his face is blank.

“...Well? Come on. I don’t have all day,”

You bite your lip to keep yourself from smiling, something about the way he said it sounds threatening, but also slightly playful. But that’s just the way he was. 

You accept his hand, and he pulls you up easily.

Xiao

“Oh so that’s why you’re coming over more frequently...” (Your friend) grins, and you wave your hands around to tell them to quiet down. Adepti had good hearing after all.

“Well, I’m also coming over cause Verr Goldet needs more help these days in the kitchen. You guys are getting so much customers these days that Yanxiao has a hard time by himself,”

“Uhhuuhhhhhh, sure...was it also Verr Goldet who told you to try and master the Almond Tofu recipe from Yanxiao? Cause you’re awfully hell bent on trying to learn that recipe, according to Yanxiao,” 

You fall silent, feeling heat crawling up your neck. “I--” You start, searching for an excuse, but realized there was no escaping this one. “I just want to do something nice for Xiao, that’s all,” you innocently quip. “I...I know I can’t help him much, but maybe just cooking his favourite dish will help, even a little,”

(Your friend) smiles a little, knowing that the adepti probably heard everything. “That’s nice of you, Y/N. You must care about him a lot,” 

What he does:

once upon a time he would do absolutely nothing. because getting involved with humans is something he shouldn’t do.

But now he bides his time, and observes if it’s safe to open up. 

He wouldn’t outright thank you at first, but he’ll slowly show up in front of you a little more everyday.

He’s rather awkward, so at first he only nods his head as thanks when you leave the bowl of almond tofu on the ledge.

Eventually when he realizes you’re not going to stop cooking for him he goes the extra mile to do something simple for you too.

He places a stalk of your favourite flower on the ledge, right before you come to put down his bowl of almond tofu. 

I’ve published The Ruthless Prince (Reader x Scaramouche) on paperback. Check it out here:

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[urfavoriteitalian]

“coming back for more”

summary: in which you and Jude can’t stay away from each other

warnings: 18+ SMUT!, friends with benefits, dom!jude, innocence kink, blowjob, fingering, slapping, degrading, praising, pet name, a bit toxic relationship, changes of pov, unprotected sex (don’t do it guys!!!).. that’s all i think

10 days, 240 hours without seeing him.

240 hours since the last time he touched me.

240 hours without a fucking message or a call.

I would love to say that I wasn’t used to this, but I was. Used to be treated like this. I could say him no. I could say him that I didn’t want to keep doing this, like everyone told me. Even Jobe, his brother, told me that Jude wasn’t good in this type of things, that I should tell him to go to hell.

When Jude was away from me, when he didn’t text me, I convinced myself to end this, that it was the best thing to do. But his touch. God. His touch was like a drug to me. It felt like he had poison in his fingers. No man, ever, ever, made me felt like this. Not that I’ve been with many men, and I thought this is why Jude liked me so much.

The innocence that I had when I first met him, made his cock twisted only at the thought. The insecureness of my touch made his mouth groan and the though that he was the only man capable of making me felt the way he did, made his ego boost in a way that wasn’t explainable.

In those ten days that I didn’t saw him, was because he was in England, 2 hours and 30 minutes away from me. He didn’t texted, and even if I knew that he wouldn’t, the spark of the hope was always alive in me.

The din of my phone took me away from my thoughts. I took a quickly look at it, wondering who was. “J.”, that was the way that I saved him on my phone. Only two of my friends knew about him, in first place because he asked me to not tell everyone, and in second place because I didn’t want people to know that I let a guy treating me like a toy.

Another din. Again him. I unlocked my phone and read the message.

J.

hey

I’m back home

Me

Cool.

I just said, wanting to be stronger than my need for him. Another din.

J.

Same place, in one hour?

I rolled my eyes at the message. Me and Jude used to met in a hotel, since we lived in two different place of the city, and not to arouse the suspicions of the paparazzi. This time if he really wanted to see me, he should come at my place.

Me

If you really want to see me, then come at my place.

I knew that he wouldn’t come. Another din.

J.

Such a brat

I read the message without replying, knowing that probably he would text me the next day, or in the worse case, find another toy to pleasure himself.

-Jude pov’s-

I asked my mother to take me to her place, since she decided to act like a child, but I was craving her taste so bad.

We arrived in front of the place, and my mother stopped the car. I made my way to open the door, but her voice stopped me.

“Your girlfriend lives here?” she asked, hoping that I would say yes, I could say by the spark in her eyes.

“What make you think that I’m here for a girl?” I answered her questions with another question smiling innocently.

“Jude you spent an hour getting ready in the bathroom, I don’t think you’re here for your mates” she said smiling sweetly “You asked me five times if you looked good” she continued “And you do this thing at least three times at week when you’re here”

I kissed my teeth, thinking something to said my mother “She is.. I mean, kind of.. is difficult” I scratched my neck “Can I go now?”. She continued smiling “Jude you aren’t just a soccer player, don’t forget that” I nodded and after thank her for the ride and gave her a sweet kiss on the cheek I left the car.

I made my way to her apartment, I’ve only been here once, but luckily I have good memory. I knocked the door, more than one time just to annoy her. I could hear her scoffing behind the door, probably rolling her eyes.

-Y/N pov’s-

I opened the door, wondering who is the prick who’s bothering me at 10 pm, but when I did, I couldn’t believe my eyes.

“Jude..” I said quietly, he was already scanning my body. I was wearing one of his shirts, and black socks that reached my knee “What are you doing here?” I asked him.

“You told me to come here, darling” he said tiling his head to the side with a smirk “Do you want to let me in or you want to go out and have fun on the stairs? It could be interesting” I rolled my eyes after let him in, and he closed the door behind him with a kick.

“Missed me?” he asked following me like a lost puppy towards the house, I turned myself to look at him “Why you didn’t text me?” I asked looking up at him. He put his hands on my waist, for hold me still, and getting closer to me, our nose almost touching “I didn’t know you liked sex chat babe, i’m going to remember the next time”

I kissed my teeth and shook my head “Is not that” I told him “So you don’t like sex chat? I would love to see you begging me from the phone” he continued holding my waist tighter “I’m not saying that..” he hands on me didn’t let me think correctly “So you’d like it?” he said continuing his play

I broke the eye contact with him, and his hands made their way to my hips “You asked to come here and I did” he whispered to my ear, and the his hot breath on my neck made me sigh. He started making his way to the couch, still holding me. He sat on the couch and made me sat on his lap. He squeezed my thighs “Have you’ve been with someone while I wasn’t around?” he asked

That was the strange thing about our relationship. Jude wanted me only for him. He wanted an exclusive relationship with me. And it drove my mind crazy every time, because it always made me hoping for more.

“Did you?” he hated when I would answer a question with another question, but I wanted to know. One of his hands trail to my ass cheek, without squeezed it “Answer.” he just told me, clenching his jaw at the though. I decided to tease him a bit, and I started rolling my hips on his lap “Maybe” I said, it wasn’t true, I barely left the house because I had too work to do.

He slapped my ass “Get on your knees, I think you need to remember who you belong to”, he said and slapped my ass again, making me gulp. I got on my knees and started to took off his belt, then I lowered his pants to his ankles. I smirked when I saw how hard he got, I took his cock in my hand and I started pumping up and down.

“Already so hard, babe?” I said mocking his pet name. He didn’t answer, he was just staring at me, waiting for me to do the next move. I caressed his tip with my thumb, while I started sucking his ball, looking at him through my lashes. He put one hand on my cheek, and the other took my hair in his hand, squeezing it “You aren’t in the position for teasing, darling,so put that pretty mouth around my cock before i loose my patience” he warned me with a smile.

I listened to him, but in the moment that i took his tip into my mouth, he pushed my head all the way down his cock, forcing me to take all of it. I put my hand on his thigh for balance, and the second after Jude started thrusting my head up and down, while his other hand was still on my cheek. I hollowed my cheek, to gave him more pleasure, while I was massaging his balls with my free hand.

I choke every time his tip touched the back of my throat, and my nose continued bouncing into his pelvis. Tears was falling down my eyes, while I kept looking at Jude. “Don’t look at me like that, whores like you need to be put in place” he explained while I choked another time around him “I bet you’re getting so wet by sucking my cock off”. And it was true, that sight of him made my cunt clench around nothing several times. I took my hand off his balls, and leaned it between my legs, trying to get some relief by touching my clothed clit.

When Jude noticed, he took my head off his cock, and slapped me “You’re getting pleasure only by me, and only when I decide” he grabbed my jaw “Understood?” I nodded, while I was breathing heavily. The leaded my head again on his cock, thrusting my head all the way down him.

I sucked the more that I could “Fuck, I’m close” he said between his groan “You’re so good babe”. It was a matter of seconds until I felt Jude’s cock twisted in my mouth, and his hand hold me still to be sure that I took all his cum. I felt his hot cum invading my mouth, his low groans surrounding my ears, I slowly took him out, making him sigh. I licked his tip, taking all his cum, and then swallow, staring at him for the whole process, making him smirk.

He made me sat on his lap again, and touched softly my lips, indicating to open. I open my mouth, and showed him my tongue, clear. “So good for me” he said under his breath before kissing me, and taste his own cum “You taste so good Jude” I told him and then start kissing his neck, craving for more. He stood up, making my legs lock around his waist.

He made his way to my bedroom, and for the whole time I kissed and bite his neck, like it was a drug, making him groan more than one time. We got in the bedroom and he pushed softly on the bed before hardly kissing me. His tongue entered my mouth with arrogance, and his hands traveled my body with possessiveness, without touching me where I needed him the most. “Jude.. please” I begged him on his lips. Without answering me, he took my shirt off, and made it fall on the ground, and he smirked when he noticed I wasn’t wearing a bra. He started kissing and biting my breast, and his hands squeezed my thighs, putting them on his shoulders.

His fingers, finally, made his way to my starved core “God you’re so fucking wet” he said, putting my panties to the side, and slipping his fingers towards my folds “Only whores like you gets this wet by sucking my cock”

He slides two fingers inside of me, and I moaned thrusting my hips up, he continued using his fingers inside of me. Without warning he removed them from me and I whined for the loss. “You really thought I would make you come this easy after what you told me earlier?” he scoffed “Not only a whore, even stupid” he said going to kiss my neck again, and I felt his hardness on my thigh.

He made his cock running towards my wet fold and I moaned when it came in contact with my clit “Jude.. I need you” I whined, almost crying “I don’t even need to ask you to beg” he cockly said before slowly entering me. I whined again, craving for more “Shh baby” he said putting his forehead on mine “It’s been a while baby, we need to take it slow” he explained, with a sweet tone. When he was fully in me, he waited a bit and then stared moving, putting his head in the crook of my neck, making me hear all his groans.

I looked at him, his shirt still on, I tapped his shoulder unsure “Jude..” I called him, he just took his head off the crock of my neck to look at me, with a preoccupied look on his face “Can you take your shirt off.. please?” I asked between my loud moans. Jude groaned, standing up, still thrusting into me “God, you’re going to be the death of me” he took his shirt off, and instinctively I closed my legs at the sight. He put his hands on my knee “Nah ah, I need them open baby” he told me, and opened them more than before.

He was now standing at the end of the bed, and from there, he looked like a god. He took my legs and put the on his shoulders, caressing my black sock that I had still on. From this position he was deeper than ever, I could feel him in my stomach “Jude, fuck” I moaned “You’re so deep, I can feel you in my stomach” I whispered not being able to talk louder because of the moaning. Jude smirked “I want you, to feel me everywhere darling” he said and started thrusting harden into me, making the the headboard of the bed slamming against the wall with every thrust.

I felt a knot in my stomach, and locked my ankles behind the neck of Jude felling so close “Don’t stop Jude” I spoke again “I’m so close”. I was a moaning mess “God you look so good” he groaned leaning to kiss me “So drunk of my cock” he squeezed my thighs, and I knew he was close too “Can I come into you?” he asked and I just nodded. It was a matter of second until I released moaning his name. Jude followed me right after, giving me his cum for the second time today.

He took himself off me, making me whine. He lead one finger between my hole, taking a bit of our cum on it. He took it to my lips, and without saying nothing, i took it in my mouth, sucking it “How is it?” he asked so cockly, “Good” I just told him out of my breath. He lay next to me caressing my thighs

“What was his name?” he asked out of nowhere. I looked at him confused “Whose name Jude?” I kept caressing his bare chest “The name of the guy you’ve been with, while I was in London” he explained with a mix of annoyance and angriness, and I just laughed “I haven’t been with anyone Jude, it was just to tease you”, the look on his face changed to an happy one “Oh.. don’t do it ever again then” he warned kissing my forehead.

“What about you?” I asked, a little scared of the answer “I haven’t been with anyone since I started this.. thing with you”. I didn’t say a thing, I just kissed him, innocently, but the caress that Jude gave to my ass cheek made me understand that it wasn’t over yet this night. “Jude I have to wake up early tomorrow” I said in the kiss “Mhh” he protested grabbing my ass “It’ll be quick”

in the end, we will always come back to the other for more..

note: hi!! hope you guys liked it, sorry that y/n is a little bit innocent but i liked it for this story. if you have any request lmk

kisses, Carla 💋

[thesuperiorrobin]

𝐒𝐥𝐢𝐩𝐩𝐞𝐝 𝐨𝐮𝐭 𝐡𝐢𝐬 𝐦𝐢𝐧𝐝~

❥Pairing: Damian Wayne/Robin x Fem!Reader

❥Word count: 500

❥Warning: Description of being stood up but not on purpose.

During his nightly patrol, Damian could not help but feel like he was forgetting something. In the back of his mind, there was just something he could not remember, and he tried for his brain to remember something. But with you his duties in protecting the city, he pushes it aside for a bit until he reaches home. But it’s not until he visits you, bloodshed eyes, tear-stained cheeks, all dressed up for a special occasion that it starts to hit him after some time. When he first saw your appearance he was worried, asking you what the matter was.

“He stood me up” you sobbed, running into his arms as you clutched his black and yellow torn cape roughly “Damian stood me up!”

His heart sank to the bottom of his stomach as he hugged you back gently, frowning at the sight in front of him. You two are sat on the ground, thighs, and knees touching each other. Nothing but the sound of your sniffles could be heard and the soft whispering coming from both of you.

Months of talking to Damian, as he’s dressed in his Robin suit, having no idea that you’re talking about him right in front of his face without realizing gave him a new feeling. And explaining to Vigilant how much you like the boy who sits right next to you in most of your classes. Swooning over about how much of a helpful person he is despite others saying he isn’t—and it’s true, he’ll only help you. He won you over and you did the same without realizing it. You hold his heart right in the palm of your hands.

“I’m so stupid” he hears you whisper, letting out a breathy laugh “Stupid to think he actually liked me” he watches as you bring your knees up to your chest, hiding your face. Damian glances down at your form behind his green mask. He feels hurt—don’t get him wrong having people cry because of his doing gives him a sense of satisfaction. He’ll laugh and tease at those who shed tears—but when it comes to you, apparently being his first school crush. It’s a different story. He’ll hunt down anyone who makes you cry or feel insecure and in this case, he’ll have to hunt down himself.

Mentally, he beats himself up as he tries to watch the girl he had his eye on cry beside him, sobbing about his mistake that hurt her. He screwed up.

“I should have listened to the others when they told me it was just some stupid prank” you sniffle, chin propped up on your knees. “Rich boys have no hearts”

“It would have been he simply had just forgotten?” He tries to come up with something, but you just chuckle dryly looking up at the masked boy with sad eyes.

“Damian doesn't forget” you mumble “It’s a shame though. I really did like him” Your tears have stopped, nothing but the stained streaks down your cheeks left behind, your eyelashes seem to be longer than before and your eyes are a bit puffy. You blink once more and a single tear rolls down your face. Damian can only sigh, gloved hand coming up to whip it away

“I’m sure it was just a misunderstanding”

“I really hope it is”

A/N: Sorry I've been gone for like two weeks, I just need some time to myself bc I've been really drained for no reason. On top of that, I have finals, out of six classes I only have like two that I actually have to show up and study for so it'll probably take some time to post again, but I'll try to post as much as possible.

[cocoandthequill]

Uninvited Pt. 1

Part 2

Pairing: !Dark!Rick Grimes x !Neighbour! Reader

Summary: After welcoming a new group into Alexandria things start getting strange. You feel as if someone is by your side at all times.

Warnings: Stalking, Harassment, Obsessive Behaviour, Sexual Remarks, Manipulation, Corruption, Age Gap, Rick being creepy

Rick Grimes should have never opened the door when you knocked.

It all started the day after his arrival in Alexandria. There you stood, a basket of homemade baked goods in your small hands, a bright, toothy smile on your doll-like, freckled face. You couldn’t have been any older than your early twenties."Good morning, Mr. Grimes. My name is Y/n. I wanted to introduce myself and welcome you to our community. Let me know if you need help with anything," you chirped.

The man was more than just intrigued. Honestly, he was a bit taken aback by how bold you seemed. From what he’d observed about the other residents, they all seemed pretty reserved. But you weren’t intimidated by him—not even a little. A guy who had clearly been discussed all around town already. They probably called him all sorts of things: a killer, a neanderthal, a madman.But he wasn’t planning on killing you. Oh no… he had very clear plans for this little angel. That’s what he decided to call you the moment his eyes landed on your small frame for the first time.

From that day on, you were the only thing important enough to occupy his mind. Rick spent his days consumed by thoughts of you and your innocent, girlish demeanor. He knew it was all just an act, and he was determined to corrupt you once and for all.

He was going to make you crave him just as much as he craved you.

To achieve this and make you all his, he created a plan.It started off pretty simple, actually. Rick managed to coerce Deanna into giving him a spare set of keys that would allow him to enter all the properties on the grounds of Alexandria. He had a talent for persuading people into giving him what he wanted. He justified it as a way to ensure the community’s safety—checking for hidden threats, securing vulnerable spots. But deep down, he knew it was about more than that. Having the keys meant he could always be close to his angel, and he would be able to protect you at any time. And you didn’t even have to know it.

So, then he started sneaking into your house. At first, he only came to you in the deep of night, when he was sure everyone else in town would be fast asleep. He would watch his precious girl while she was sleeping, her peaceful breaths and gentle movements under the covers making his heart race. It was like he was witnessing something sacred, something fragile, and he was the protector of it all. His hands itched to reach out, to touch your silky skin, but he always resisted. He couldn’t risk getting caught—not yet. Not when you still saw him as just another neighbor, someone who might wave at you in passing or help you carry your groceries.

Instead, he started leaving you little gifts. This was his way of showing you affection. He would leave roses in every single room of your house. Sometimes he would even come in broad daylight. Then, he got even bolder and started leaving you notes. He was always direct when stating what he wanted to do to you, though he always made sure to keep the messages subtle enough that you wouldn’t feel threatened—at least not at first. His words were wrapped in polite phrases, almost poetic in a way, but there was no mistaking the intent behind them. The notes would be left where you’d find them: on your kitchen counter, under your pillow, tucked into the pages of your favorite book.

"I can’t stop thinking about the way you look when you laugh. You are so beautiful and you make me feel alive again, angel."

At first, you might have thought they were just innocent gestures, a quirky way of showing appreciation for a friendly neighbor. But as time went on, you began to feel a growing unease, a sense that there was something more lurking beneath the surface. Each gift seemed to carry an unspoken message, an invitation to something deeper, something darker.

One evening, after you found a particularly unsettling note hidden in your coat pocket, you decided to confront him. This had just entirely crossed the line.

"I enjoy watching you play with yourself. Just image what my head could do between your thighs if you would just succumb and become my little slut.“

The next time you saw Rick, he was standing in his usual spot on the porch, eyes scanning the street as if waiting for something. You approached with the note clenched tightly in your hand, your heart pounding in your chest."Mr. Grimes," you said, your voice steady despite the nerves twisting in your stomach. "We need to talk."

Rick turned slowly, his expression unreadable at first. Then, when his gaze landed on the note, his lips curled into a small, almost imperceptible smile."I figured you'd find it eventually," he said, his voice low and almost tender. "I just wanted you to know how much you mean to me."

You shook your head, backing away slightly. "This isn't normal, Rick. You can’t just—"

He stepped closer, his presence overwhelming as he cut you off. "It is normal for me, angel," he said softly. "You make me feel alive again. You make me want to protect you, to keep you safe... in ways you can't even begin to understand yet."

The words hung in the air like a weight, suffocating you. For a moment, you couldn’t speak, couldn’t move. Everything in you screamed to run, to escape, but your feet stayed frozen.

Rick wasn’t just a neighbor anymore. He wasn’t just someone you had met briefly and hoped to befriend, maybe even felt a bit attracted to at one point. He had become something much more dangerous. And in that moment, as he took another step forward, you realized just how deeply entangled you were in his web.

Rick Grimes had already claimed you. And now, there was no escaping him.

[wlntrsldler]

bad for business | luke castellan

warnings: loser!luke agenda is strong with this one, insecure!luke because of reader's judgmental siblings but they get over it later on, suggestive content but nothing explicit, luke being happy and in love (we need more of this; i'm pointing the finger at myself, i need to write happy luke fics) aphrodite!reader x luke, in an alternate universe where the betrayal didn't happen

based on bad for business by sabrina carpenter

i. he's good for my heart, but he's bad for business.

"she's probably going to dump him soon, anyway."

"she's just doing it for the tradition, obviously."

"she's too good for him."

sometimes luke just wanted to tell them to shut up, but he's already on thin ice with-- well, everyone at camp. they weren't a fan of the smell of cigarettes that lingered on his clothes, or the ugly scar on his face (this, wasn't his fault though. if anything, they should hate his fucking dad for giving him the quest in the first place), or the fact that he's somehow dating the most popular, gorgeous, and brilliant girl at camp.

you, y/n y/l/n, the favorite daughter of aphrodite. at first luke thought that you'd be just like the rest of the aphrodite girls (he's not one to perpetuate stereotypes, being the victim of it all his life, but the aphrodite kids always turned their noses up at him so he didn't feel too bad dishing it out), but then you smiled at him with your pretty, pink lips and luke knew he was a goner. he didn't stand a chance (not like he fought it too hard anyway)

you made an effort to remember his name, say hello to him when you passed by him, and you even went as far as asking him for his opinion on things.

"what do you think of this strategy, luke?" you asked, staring at him directly. the entire blue team was arguing loudly (luke thought their strategy fucking sucked and was a sure way for the ares cabin to, once again, demolish all of you, but he was going to keep that to himself) before your soft voice broke the noise. everyone stopped in their tracks because why the hell were you talking to him? asking him for his opinion?

he blinked, even looking behind him in case there was some other kid named luke that he didn't know about. when he finally realized that you were talking to him, he managed to stutter out that the plan was fine. you looked at him skeptically, penetrating the persona he put up with everyone, but decided not to push him anymore and simply nodded.

when the red team, led by the ares cabin, of course, handed your asses to you on a silver platter, you found luke at dinner and sat directly in front of him. chris, who was just as starstruck as luke that you were sitting with them, immediately scrambled off his seat and mumbled some half-hearted excuse to leave the two of you alone.

"so, spill," you said, planting your tray of food on the table. "what did you really think of the strategy?"

your conversation went from strategy to your life to his life to everything and anything until you two were the last two people left. he was glad when people finally got tired of gawking at you and him. (many in disbelief, all in jealousy that you decided to sit with him) you didn't seem to mind the stares, though, luke figured it was because you were used to it. it was hard not to stare at you.

luke thought that dinner was just a glitch in the matrix, that it was just some weird anomaly that would never happen again. he was just thankful that it happened; but then the next day, your perfectly manicured hand knocked on the hermes cabin door and you stood in front of luke with a timid smile on your face to ask him to train you in sword fighting.

luke got dressed at record speed. chris woke up after the third time luke hit his head under his bed when he was trying to find a semi-decent shirt to wear to your sparring session (maybe one that didn't smell too much like cigarettes). chris sat up on his bed, eyebrow quirked, with a teasing smile on his face.

as luke was racing out the door, he looked at chris, "don't start.''

chris threw his head back laughing, "i didn't say anything."

luke threw a pillow at chris with an oomph before rushing out to meet you.

the training sessions slowly morphed into sitting next to each other daily during meals, then into hanging out at campfires, until it got to the point when there wouldn't be a second of free time where the two of you wouldn't be together. luke could feel your siblings shooting daggers at him whenever he was alone, like a warning to stay away from you, but it's not like he was the one initiating things.

sure, he would follow you around the ends of the world if you asked (or even if you didn't, let's be honest here) but luke didn't want to test his luck so he just went with the flow. sometimes, he just wanted to talk to your siblings to set the record straight.

"look, i'm just as fucking confused as you are," he would say, "i don't know why she's hanging out with me either."

as much as he enjoyed your moments together, a piece of him still worried that you were just being nice. maybe you were this way with everyone. maybe he just likes you so much that he's making up these scenarios in his head.

he tried to talk to chris about it, but that proved to be the wrong decision because it's not like the boy had any experience either; he was pining over clarisse. the blind leading the blind, truly.

and then one day, while you and luke were sitting beside the water, after a long day of training, you looked over at him with an unreadable expression.

panicked, luke immediately straightened his back and twisted his body to face you. he wanted to reach for your hand to comfort you, but decided against it. he didn't want to make you uncomfortable. he cleared his throat, "what's wrong?"

"why haven't you asked me out?"

you would've thought percy summoned a cold wave to crash into luke with the way he was sitting there frozen. luke was looking at you blankly, like his brain was short-circuiting. it was a habit of his to blink and tilt his head to the side whenever he was shocked.

"huh?"

you were frowning now, "do you not like me? i'm sorry, i guess i was just reading the situation wrong."

"woah, pause," luke leaned in closer, inspecting your face to see if there was a punchline about to drop like it was a gotcha! moment and all of your siblings would come out from behind the trees to laugh at him. he found no sign of such a thing. "do you like me?"

"luke, i've been so obvious," there was a hint of embarrassment in your voice and luke wanted to kiss it away. your cheeks were dusted with the lightest shade of red as you chewed on your bottom lip. "i thought maybe you liked me too, but i guess it was all in my head. i'm sorry-- forget i even said anything."

"yeah, i don't want to forget it," luke shook his head, now stumbling over his words. his brain was working again, sort of. "i like you, too. like really like you. sorry, you just caught me off guard for a sec."

"you do?"

"gods, i really really do."

you beamed at him and luke was so thankful that he was sitting because his knees would've buckled at your reaction and humiliated himself by falling face-first in the water if he was standing. he was especially thankful that he was sitting when you climbed onto his lap to make out with him until both of your lips were bruised.

ii. i'm mad for you, it's sad but true, and you know it. you're on my mind, you stole my life and it's showing.

word traveled fast after that. when you walked into breakfast with luke's arm around your waist, the whispers started. luke thought the staring before was bad, but this was on a new level. he felt the other aphrodite kids following his every move, poison in their eyes.

when you sat next to luke, impossibly close to him, chris' eyebrows rose in glee. he motioned to the both of you with his spoon, flicking drops of milk with the motion, "what's going on here?"

"i'm luke's girlfriend now."

luke nearly choked on the apple he was eating when he heard the words leave your lips. yes, he knew that you were dating now (his pathetically hoarse voice saying, "will you be my girlfriend?" after the hours-long makeout session the night before haunted his dreams last night; he wanted to keep his cool so bad, but it just wasn't possible when you were sitting on his lap, all pretty with your thighs on either side of his, lips glossy with his saliva instead of your typical lipgloss), but it was the first time he heard you refer to yourself as his girlfriend. his girlfriend.

"nice," chris raised his hand up for a high-five, which luke was about to complete, but chris pulled his hand away, "not for you, dude."

you giggled and high-fived chris, making luke look between the two of you in bewilderment.

"what the fuck was that?" luke asked. when did you and chris get close?

"this is embarrassing," you started, looking down at your plate of food. you were dragging your spoon across the blob of oatmeal, "but i talked to chris about you last week because i was so sad that you haven't made a move yet. i just wanted to hear his opinion on things in case i was just being stupid."

"why didn't you tell me this?"

"i tried!" chris argued, laughing a bit when luke's face turned red, "plus, i didn't want to tell you that me and y/n had a conversation because i had faith that you'd make a move! i obviously bet on the wrong horse, though, because y/n made the move."

"oh my gods, i'm a loser." luke groaned, tossing the apple on his tray. he lost his appetite. "you mean we could've been together this entire time?"

you placed a hand on his thigh, making him turn his attention to you. you gave him a comforting smile that he quickly reciprocated. you gave his thigh a soft squeeze, "it's okay, luke. we can make up for lost time."

luke smirked at you, "tonight?"

"dude, i'm trying to fucking eat."

luke threw up the middle finger to chris' face before connecting your lips.

to luke's surprise, your relationship didn't really change much after putting a label on it. (the changes that did occur were that now he can kiss you freely, which he was thankful for, and that you were even more touchy with him, which he was extremely thankful for because he loved having you next to him at all times. he was so smitten with you.) he realized then how blind he'd been the entire time because you were so very obvious about your feelings for him, he was just too stuck in his own head to notice it.

he started being outwardly affectionate with you, gaining more confidence while he was on your arm. his favorite thing to do was to wrap his arms around your torso and bury his face into the crook of your neck. he loved hearing you erupt in giggles when his curls tickled your skin. he was drunk on you and you didn't mind one bit.

you even said that you were more attached to him than he was to you (he looked at you like you had three heads because it couldn't have been further from the truth.)

he took you on little picnic dates and made you jewelry that you wore proudly, and you wore his clothes (he would be lying if he said that his heart didn't skip a beat when you walked out of the aphrodite cabin sporting his hermes sweater) but above all, luke loved the way he could talk to you about everything. he told you about his mom, his dad, his doubts and his insecurities, and you listened. you would sit there, hands in his hair, while he laid on your chest. he didn't know the last time he felt safe, but with you, he always did.

iii. all of my friends think i've gone crazy, but they don't know me like my baby.

luke tried to ignore the fact that there were running bets from campers about how long you two would last, but it was getting to him. he'd heard it all; a week, two weeks, three months. he fought the urge to roll his eyes when he heard the jingling of drachmas being passed around when you and him were seen together after someone lost their bet.

it's been two months but people still believed that you two were going to break up soon. the idea of it made luke feel sick. he couldn't imagine a life without being yours anymore. truth be told, he was wholly yours the minute he met you, but after every kiss, every hug, every second with you, he was just falling deeper in love with you.

it was a little scary.

"hiya, baby," you greeted him, wrapping your arms around his broad shoulders.

you started calling him the pet name a few days into dating and luke actually whimpered when you did it the first time. you loved getting these reactions from luke and his little sounds (both innocent and not-so-innocent) only spurred you on. when he's with you, luke turned into this mush, always wanting to be held by you or touching you in some way.

"hi," he mumbled, leaning up to place a quick kiss on your lips.

you hummed happily before resting your hands on his back, "baby, you're tense. are you okay?"

"yeah," luke replied, but his furrowed eyebrows said differently.

"no you're not," you walked in front of him, wrapping your arms around his torso, "what's going on?"

luke sighed, "everyone thinks we're gonna break up-- or more specifically, everyone thinks you're gonna break up with me."

"do you believe that i'll break up with you?" you frowned, loosening your hold on him. "did i do something that made you think that?"

"no, no," he said, quickly. he pulled you closer to him, not wanting you to let go of him. "i just-- i dunno. everyone says i'm not good enough for you, and i know i'm not, and it's getting to my head a little bit."

you looked up at him, removing your hands from around him to reach for his face. you brought his face down closer to yours to pepper kisses all over it; his cheeks, his lips, his scar, his jaw. "i think you're perfect."

"you have to say that 'cause you're my girlfriend," he playfully rolled his eyes, but he couldn't stop a goofy smile from forming on his face due to your kisses.

"yeah, i am your girlfriend," you reminded him, placing a longer kiss on his lips now. your lips moved together, making luke's hands wander to your lower back to push you closer to him. you pulled away, breathless, "listen to your girlfriend, baby. i'm not going anywhere so don't worry your pretty little head about it."

there were still moments when the voices of the other campers bounced around in luke's head, but you were always there to quiet them with your reassurance and your love for him.

eventually, people stopped talking about you and luke and accepted that you two weren't breaking up anytime soon (they were about six months too late, in luke's opinion). he even managed to win over your siblings later on (kind of; they still don't talk to him unless they have to but they smile at him now, but luke isn't picky; a win is a win)

luke was happy and in love and it was all thanks to you.

[reccyls]

Victor's Main Route: Chapter 15 + His POV Story

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I just wanted him to be happy. I wanted him to not give up. Even now, I could feel his warmth lingering on my lips.

…

Liam: Kate!

Hearing a familiar voice as we arrived back at the main road, I peeked around Victor. As Liam’s miserable face came into view, Victor let go of my hand.

Liam: I’m so glad you’re okay.

Kate: Sorry for worrying you.

Liam: It’s my fault, I couldn’t grab your hand in time.

Kate: No, it’s not your fault at all! I should have noticed earlier that you were reaching out for me…

Harrison: Alright, cut it out.

He stepped in between us and clapped once.

Harrison: Kate’s fine, so calm down.

Even after Harrison gave him a nudge, Liam still looked guilty.

Kate: I’m glad you two are okay too.

Liam seemed to calm down after I spoke.

William: So you found her.

Just then, William appeared from somewhere behind us.

Harrison: We ran into William after we lost you.

William: I was looking for Victor myself. I figured there was a good chance the two of you would be together.

He turned his gaze to Victor, who opened his mouth to speak.

Victor: So, what did you find?

William: I spoke with Harry and Liam while we were waiting for you.

He continued on from the explanation I had heard from Victor earlier.

William: The explosions were set off by timed explosives in a nearby warehouse. William: Fortunately, the warehouse had been empty when the explosives went off. Though nearby people were injured by the blast, no one died.

Kate: Thank goodness…

My relief was short-lived.

Liam: There was a similar explosion at a church a couple of years ago, wasn’t there?

I started hearing a ringing in my ears at Liam’s words.

William: We apprehended the culprits of that incident and judged them.

William: However, it wouldn’t be unusual for believers of the same cause to attempt something like that again.

My heart wouldn’t stop pounding. I looked away.

Harrison: I hadn’t joined Crown at the time so I don’t know the details of that incident…

Liam: You and Victor were in charge of that investigation back then too, weren’t you, Will?

William and Victor exchanged a glance and nodded to one another.

Victor: We’ll continue looking around here. You all should head back first. Victor: I leave Kate in your hands.

And with that, they walked away. Those of us left behind looked at each other. The once-crowded street was now empty, as everyone had fled from the explosions. Trampled flower petals littered the ground, lending a desolate air to the street.

Liam: We don’t know if something else might happen, so let’s hurry.

He and Harrison kept me in between them as we headed over to catch a carriage. Staring out the window, I could see smoke rising from the building that seemed to be the warehouse where the explosives went off.

Harrison: If the two of them are handling things themselves, this is probably a really important case.

Harrison, who had been quiet for a while, suddenly spoke. Liam smiled half-heartedly.

Liam: I don’t know much about the other incident either. Liam: I knew that there was a series of bombings and the people behind it had been judged by Crown. Liam: Since William and Victor were handling it, the rest of us weren’t really involved. Liam: I heard it was a political matter, but they didn’t say anything else.

Harrison stared at Liam.

(He’s trying to tell if Liam is lying about anything he said.)

Noticing what Harrison was doing, Liam returned the stare.

Harrison: They really didn’t tell you anything, huh.

Liam: Did you think I was lying? How could you, Harry!

Apparently satisfied that Liam hadn’t been lying, Harrison leaned back.

Liam: I don’t think they’re hiding anything from us, but there’s a lot of things going on.

Harrison: Well, one way or another the geezer always manages to avoid any topic that’s inconvenient for him. Right, Kate?

Yeah.

Smile awkwardly without saying anything. (+4/+2)

Well…

I smiled awkwardly without saying anything.

Liam: Harry, don’t be mean to Kate.

Harrison: I’m just pointing out the truth.

Liam: Anyway, since they’re investigating this, we’re probably going to be assigned a mission soon.

Harrison: Just hope it isn’t going to be a pain.

I closed my eyes and let out a long exhale. The journey home felt unbearably long.

…

(In the end, Victor and William didn’t make it back in time for dinner.)

I listened to my music box to try and calm down, but before I realized it, night had fallen. I had gone down to the dining room to get something to eat, but it seemed like the two of them hadn’t returned yet.

(The investigation is going to take a long time, I guess.)

It was late enough that I should have been in bed already, but I was taking a walk in the garden. The sound of explosions still rang in my ears. I made my way to the gazebo and took a quick glance around before sitting down. Even though I closed my eyes and shut my ears, I could tell that someone was walking towards me. When the footsteps stopped right next to me, I opened my eyes. It was William.

William: You’ll catch a cold if you stay out this late.

Kate: Welcome back. How was the investigation?

William: It’s going.

As he took a seat next to me, his smile turned teasing.

William: Disappointed that I’m not Victor?

Kate: I’m a little relieved it’s you, actually.

Victor: I have already discarded that life. Victor: It has been gone for a long, long time.

(I’m pretty sure he doesn’t want to see me either, right now…)

He probably knew what I was going to say and stopped me before I could actually say it.

(That’s a pretty clear rejection.)

Since he sealed off any way I tried to use to express my feelings, I didn’t have a choice but to let it go.

William: When the explosions happened, we were stationed behind the circus troupe.

While looking at a bird that had landed on the nearby fence, William continued speaking.

William: In the middle of all the chaos, I turned to check if there were any suspicious people in the vicinity of the warehouse. William: However, Victor didn’t do the same. William: Without a single word to me, he threw himself into the crowd. William: I’ve known him for quite some time. And yet I’d never seen him so rattled.

As the bird moved closer, William extended his finger to it.

William: When I met up with Harry and Liam, and heard that you’d gotten separated from them, the pieces fell into place.

The bird hopped onto William’s finger. As it peered at me, it looked happy.

William: He ran into the crowd to look for you.

Warmth filled me, but at the same time, my heart squeezed terribly. I looked down. I couldn’t deny that I was happy he came to find me. But the memory of being rejected still stung.

Kate: …Back then, I couldn’t move. I couldn’t even breathe properly.

My voice was hardly more than a whisper as I spoke. My hands curled into fists, creasing my skirt.

Kate: Liam mentioned another explosion at a church from a few years ago. Kate: I was there, during that explosion.

-----

It was just after I had started working for the post office. A notice about how a church was looking for helping hands for an activity they were organizing. “We’re looking for volunteers to help teach the orphans social skills.” Reading through the notice, I realized that the church in question was one I had a lot of memories of. Full of nostalgia, I decided to volunteer. I played with the children and helped set up the bazaar. After the activities finished, it was time for the ending prayer. Following the pastor’s lead, I sat in the pews to pray. Orphan Boy: I hope that I can have fun tomorrow, too. Kate: Hehe, you don't have to say your prayers out loud, you know. He had been wary of me when I had arrived that morning, But as we spent the day together, we grew closer, and now he was sitting next to me and beaming. I closed my eyes and clasped my hands together. (I pray that tomorrow will be kind to the children, and that they can continue to be happy.) It happened while I was in the middle of praying. In an instant, smoke filled my vision as the air split with a sound so loud I thought my ears would burst. Kate: Wha- Orphan Boy: Miss! As another explosion rang out, I grabbed onto the boy and threw myself over him. The air was filled with the sound of shattering glass, breaking walls, and people screaming. When I heard the sound of a hard impact nearby, my eyes flew open.

The sight of the church in flaming ruins appeared before me. Kate: W…what… Smoke billowed as shrapnel from the explosion flew all over. Cradling the boy close, I ducked behind the broken bench. Orphan Boy: Miss, what happened? Kate: It’s okay, stay calm, everything will be okay… The words were more for my sake than his. I had no idea what just happened. Even when I tried to look around, the smoke obscured too much of my vision. The explosions continued nonstop, and we couldn’t move. Pastor’s Voice: Hurry, run! Crying Child’s Voice: Mama! Mama! Once again I heard the sound of an impact, and saw someone collapse. Kate: Ah… Dark crimson blood spilled out from the fallen pastor’s leg. When I realized that the sounds I had heard were gunshots, my mind went blank. Orphan Boy: Miss… miss! My feet were frozen in fear. When yet another explosion occurred, I curled over the boy to shield him from the broken glass falling from the ceiling. (At least just him…) At that moment, someone’s shadow came to a stop in front of me. Something fell out of that person’s pocket. ???: Are you okay!? The person leaned over us, protecting us from the broken glass. I couldn’t see what they looked like due to all the smoke. ???: Get up and run! I was dragged to my feet, still trembling, and I pulled the boy along with me. And then still holding tight to the boy, we ran and ran until we made it out of the church. I don’t know who saved me. Not their face, or their name. I only knew how tightly their hand gripped mine, like a beacon of safety in that inferno, like a symbol of hope. ???: You’re outside now, you’ll be fine now. Stopping at a street some distance away from the church, the person finally let go of my hand. Overwhelmed after running for my life and worried about the orphan boy, I forgot to look at their face. And I was worried about the orphan boy as well. So when I finally went to thank them… Kate: Huh…? There was no one there.

Kate: I had no idea who rescued me, and I didn’t have a way to find out. So I just continued with my normal life. Kate: But… whenever I hear similar sounds to those explosions, my mind just goes blank. Kate: And I end up just curling up, unable to move.

William: …It traumatized you.

I gave a small nod as I exhaled. I’d been terrified of anything that sounded like an explosion ever since that day.

Kate: But fireworks are okay! Kate: They surprise me at first, but when I can tell that they’re just fireworks I’m not scared anymore. Kate: It’s just when I hear sudden loud noises…

William: Gunshots included, it seems.

His smile was slightly wry.

Kate: I should be better than this since I’m a Fairytale Keeper.

I wanted to be able to say that I’d gotten used to gunshots ever since I arrived at Crown. But the truth was, I still had to try hard not to let my heart freeze whenever I heard one.

William: Everyone has one or two things they fear.

Kate: Even you?

William: Well, when you put me on the spot like this, I can’t quite think of anything at the moment. But I’m sure there’s something.

As he stood, the bird on his finger flew away.

William: Now then, you should head back to your room before you catch a cold.

The hand he held out to me was different from that of the person who saved me, and of Victor.

Kate: Okay.

His hand was warm, but didn’t bring me the same feeling of comfort.

…

William: There’s a very high possibility that the church incident you were involved in and today’s explosions are related in some way.

William: We can’t confirm it yet, however.

(I had a feeling…)

After escorting me to my room, William let go of my hand.

William: When you appeared in front of us that night, I felt a connection. William: But it seems that connection ran even deeper than I realized.

Kate: What do you mean by that?

I had no idea what he meant.

William: Just talking to myself. Don’t mind me. William: Good night and sweet dreams, Kate.

With those implication-heavy words said, WIlliam left. After seeing him off, I collapsed into my bed. Still hearing phantom explosions in my ears, I reached for my music box. As its soothing melody drifted throughout the room, I calmed down and began to think more clearly. Specifically, about when Victor had covered my ears earlier today. I remembered his hands, how his body had felt as I clung to him, his warmth. I had been afraid then, but now that I was thinking back on it with a clearer mind, I realized that I had also been happy to be held by him.

(His reassurances probably also helped.)

It’s thanks to Victor that I was able to calm down enough to think back on the events of today.

(But, why was the first thing he did to cover my ears?)

As I drifted off to sleep, lulled by the gentle music, I got the feeling that I was forgetting something very important.

His POV Story: You Belong Beneath the Sun

I wished, desperately, that the day that I heard the words I stole from her lips would never come.

-

Liam: Kate!

As we arrived back at the main street, Liam ran up to us looking guilty. I gently let go of Kate’s hand.

Liam: I’m so glad you’re okay.

Kate: Sorry for worrying you.

Liam: It’s my fault, I couldn’t grab your hand in time.

Kate: No, it’s not your fault at all! I should have noticed earlier that you were reaching out for me…

Harrison: Alright, cut it out.

He stepped in between them and clapped his hands.

Harrison: Kate’s fine, so calm down.

Kate: I’m glad you two are okay too.

I looked towards Kate and was relieved to see that she seemed better.

(Good. Looks like I don’t need to worry.)

William: So you found her.

William appeared from behind us.

Harrison: We ran into William after we lost you.

William: I was looking for Victor myself. I figured there was a good chance the two of you would be together.

I didn’t miss the suggestive look he sent my way, but I ignored it.

Victor: So, what did you find?

William: I spoke with Harry and Liam while we were waiting for you.

He had continued investigating while I was pulling Kate away from the scene.

William: The explosions were set off by timed explosives in a nearby warehouse. William: Fortunately, the warehouse had been empty when the explosives went off. Though nearby people were injured by the blast, no one died.

Kate: Thank goodness…

Liam: There was a similar explosion at a church a couple of years ago, wasn’t there?

Kate had been relieved to hear there were no deaths, but her face instantly froze at Liam’s words.

William: We apprehended the culprits of that incident and judged them. William: However, it wouldn’t be unusual for believers of the same cause to attempt something like that again.

Harrison: I hadn’t joined Crown at the time so I don’t know the details of that incident…

Liam: You and Victor were in charge of that investigation back then too, weren’t you, Will?

(Of course it had to be this topic, and right after Kate finally started calming down.)

I met William’s gaze. He seemed to understand what I was trying to say, and nodded.

Victor: We’ll continue looking around here. You all should head back first.

Victor: I leave Kate in your hands.

…

William: And? Aren’t you going to tell me how you felt when you went to rescue Kate?

Victor: Now isn’t the time for idle chatter.

As she walked away with Liam and Harrison, I couldn’t see her face.

(I drew a clear line in that alley.) (I can’t let Kate stay in this world any longer.)

Victor: There’s one more week until your promise is fulfilled. Victor: Forget everything, and return to your old life.

I could still vividly picture Kate’s pained expression.

William: I don’t know the exact details, but I can probably make a good guess as to what happened.

Victor: …

We made our way towards the scene of the explosion. Dark smoke rose from the roof of the warehouse, and the fire didn’t seem to be extinguished yet. As the warehouse was surrounded by curious onlookers, we were unable to get closer.

Victor: How many timed charges were there?

William: I could only confirm two for sure, but given the scale of the explosion, there must have been more.

Leaning against a wall, I continued speaking while casting his gaze over the crowd.

Victor: We didn’t find any suspicious individuals during our search. Victor: The culprits likely set up the explosives long before the parade began and fled.

(I hate to let them slip away, but given that the explosives were on a timer, that was the most likely possibility.)

We looked at one another and sighed.

William: They haven’t given up.

His gaze was fixed on the smoke winding its way into the sky, but he seemed to be staring at something even further away.

Victor: …Not at all.

Though I also watched the rising smoke, all I could think about was Kate. She had been paralyzed by fear, unable to breathe and close to sobbing.

(It was so painful I could hardly bear the sight.)

She was always so bright. I’d never seen her like that before. And so when I hugged her, her body so small compared to mine, I silently repeated my vow: “I will definitely return Kate to her old life.”

If she stayed, the same thing might happen again. The chance that she’d end up hearing an explosion and frozen in fear, halfway to tears, Was exponentially higher if she remained with Crown, where danger was a part of daily life. There was less chance of incidents like this if she returned to her normal life.

(And I can also take steps to lower the chances even more.)

With how much power I wielded, it would be a simple matter to protect one person.

(Using the queen’s authority, I can arrange for a guard detail for a former guest of the palace.)

This was an overreach of royal privilege, but if it meant that Kate could live a happy life, I’d do anything. ...Even if we never met again.

(...Ah. I see.)

I understood the reason I had sealed her lips, so that the day I would hear those words would never come. If I heard those words, I’d never let her go. I didn’t want to hear her say them, because then I’d never be able to set the bird free of its cage.

(I knew this from the very beginning, but even so… it’s hard to come to terms with.)

Her smile, her earnestness, the way my name sounded in her voice, her sensitive side… All of it stirred up a desire I thought I had long discarded.

(I must let her go.)

Desiring someone meant to cage them, while loving them meant to set them free. I had once said those words to you, But they were really a warning for myself.

[mrsshabana]

𝐆𝐇𝐎𝐒𝐓!𝐆𝐘𝐔𝐓𝐀𝐑𝐎 ⛧ 𝐂𝐇𝐀𝐏𝐓𝐄𝐑 𝐓𝐖𝐎

꒦꒷‧₊ Summary Being too afraid to spend another night alone, you decide to invite your best friend, Mitsuri, over for a sleepover. But you'll soon realize that was a mistake. Have you already forgotten how much your ghost loves to humiliate you? ꒦꒷‧₊ Content Gyutaro x female!reader, 18+ MDNI, masturbation, exhibitionism, voyeurism. ꒦꒷‧₊ Note 1.5k words.

༺ Art ༻

⇢ Chapter one ⇢ Chapter three ⇢ Kinktober Masterlist

The ghost stopped showing himself after that night. You could feel his presence but he never actually appeared like he had that first time.

But even though he wouldn't show himself, that didn't stop him from treating you like a toy. Knocking things over, shutting off the electricity, and even touching you while you slept. It was all a game to him.

And you'd be lying if you said you weren't terrified. Fed up of countless sleepless nights you decided to invite your best friend over for a sleepover, Mitsuri. In hopes that some company would make you feel more at ease. Or at least she would acknowledge your home was haunted so you'd feel less crazy.

But you should have known this would be a bad idea. You seem to have forgotten that the ghost gets a kick out of embarrassing you in front of other people.

Things are calm for now, though you still can't shake the feeling that you're being watched. Despite that, you still try to have a fun night with your friend.

The two of you sit on the couch in your pajamas, eating pizza, and watching a horror movie. The ring to be specific, as it's one of Mitsuri's favorites.

Then the iconic scene comes where the girl crawls through the tv, except something looks off. It looks so much more real than you remember.

The ghost crawls through your television, crawling onto the ground like some demented monster only to look into your eyes, striking fear into you.

You can't help but scream as your body jolts from the jumpscare.

"Y/N, haha!" Mitsuri laughs, "I thought you've seen this movie before! It's not that scary!"

What she doesn't know is that a ghost really did jump out of your tv! And he's rolling on the floor laughing his ass off.

"You should have seen your face!" He laughs hysterically.

You're about to say something to him before you remember Mitsuri has no idea he's there at all, so instead you're stuck trying to play it cool and ignore him like last time. "Oh haha sorry, that part gets me every time."

Mitsuri chuckles but returns her attention back to the movie, oblivious to the fact that there's an unwanted visitor in the room.

"C'mon you gotta admit that was pretty good," he smirks as he walks over to you, "I used to love this movie..." he trails off as he briefly thinks about his life when he was alive but he quickly shrugs it off, not wanting to think about it.

You want to talk to him, ask him questions, cuss him out, anything really. But you can't when Mitsuri is right there. It pisses you off that he decided to show himself now of all times and refused to do it when you were alone. But unbeknownst to you, he's doing it for a reason. Not only does he like toying with you but he also doesn't want you asking him questions about his past.

All you can do is look at him with a mixture of anger and confusion.

"What?" he quirks his brow, "Oh right, I guess I never really introduced myself." He plops beside you on the couch, "Name's Gyutaro."

You want to ask for a last name but knowing how much he hated you asking questions about his family, you know he'd probably refuse.

At least now you can get a proper look at him. He's tall and very thin with the palest skin you've ever seen. His long black hair seems weightless as it floats around his face. But what catches your eye is the black spots on his face. You don't know what they are but they look like birthmarks. The other thing you notice is the blood splatted on his t-shirt.

At first, you're confused but then you think about the fact that if he's a ghost, surely he must have died somehow. It makes you sad as you think about all that blood being a result of him dying in some violent way. He may be annoying but no one deserves that.

"Your friend is pretty cute," he interrupts your thoughts, "But not as cute as you... y'know I can't stop thinking about the other night. I could tell you liked it." He leans closer to your face, trying to get a reaction out of you.

"I think you owe me back. It's only fair," he says as he pulls down his pants, exposing his erection.

Your eyes widen at the sight. Maybe you should have expected this knowing how immature and horny he is, but you can't help but be shocked.

He leans back onto the sofa, getting comfortable as he languidly starts stroking himself.

You look over at Mitsuri, then to Gyutaro again. Your face heats up, completely embarrassed about the situation you're in. You know your friend can't see him but that doesn't make it any better! She's sitting on your right while this annoying ghost is jerking off on your left.

"Just touch it, I promise it doesn't bite," he moves his hips closer - gently tapping your arm with his member, "C'mon, pleaaase!" He whines like an entitled child.

You just cross your arms and refuse to give him any attention, hoping that he'll get bored and stop.

Even though he's annoying, you can't help but find something about him charming. Maybe it's the fact that he's not how you imagined ghosts to be. Or maybe it's that playful attitude he seems to have.

And honestly, you can't deny that he's attractive. Having a ghost haunting your new home isn't ideal, but at least he's sexy and seems to have taken a liking to you. He acts like a needy puppy, desperate for your attention.

Probably because he's been trapped here for so long, all alone.

But even so, how would it look if you started touching him? If Mitsuri glanced over she'd see you jerking off the air! How embarrassing that would be! So even if you're willing to play along, you can't do it now. And Gyutaro knows that, it's just all a part of the fun.

"Fine, be that way," he pouts as he tilts his head back and focuses on pleasuring himself.

You peek over to see him picking up the pace. Slowly bucking his hips as his eyes squeeze shut and the tip of his cock glistens with precum. Soft moans escape his lips as he gets closer and closer.

Shifting uncomfortably, you rub your thighs together - feeling your panties begin to moisten. Hopefully, he doesn't notice because you know it'll only make his cocky attitude worse.

"Fuck," he groans, "I'm so lucky a hottie like you moved in, Y/N. You have no idea."

"You're annoying, but at least you're somewhat of a friendly ghost," you think to yourself, wishing you could openly respond to him.

"Ah," he moans softly, leaning closer to you. You feel his body tense up and his hand stroke faster.

It's not long before he's spilling all over the place, shooting his load without any care for where it lands. It splatters on the couch, your arm, and on your lap - splattering all over the plate of pizza you had sitting there. You feel stupid for not moving it sooner, but you honestly didn't expect a ghost to be able to ejaculate like that.

What makes it even more disturbing is how cold and slimy it is.

He doesn't even bother to clean anything up, he just sits there panting with a sick grin on his face. "Heh, you look good like that."

Before you can grab a napkin to wipe it off, Mitsuri speaks up, "Are you going to eat your pizza, Y/N? You said you were starving but you haven't even taken a bite yet!"

"Haha! Yeah Y/N, you gonna eat it or not? I don't see nothing wrong with it," Gyutaro taunts.

Your face goes red, she must not be able to see the ghostly semen all over your pizza. "I-I um..." you choke, not wanting to do this.

"Oh come on, don't be a wuss!" Gyutaro teases.

"Mine tasted great! But if you don't want it I'll have it," Mitsuri says, reaching over and grabbing your plate.

"No! I'll eat it!" You snatch the plate, not wanting your friend to eat the tainted food.

You look at Gyutaro, narrowing your eyes to show your displeasure for what you're about to do.

Hesitantly opening your mouth, you take a bite of the pizza. You shudder as you feel the cold slimey substance hit your tongue and slide down your throat. The texture is disgusting but at least it doesn't really taste like anything.

Gyutaro begins to giggle, watching in amusement as you force his cum down your throat.

"That's it," he snickers, "Eat up like a good girl! I think I'll stay here and watch you eat every last bite!"

[mbsneur]

My Love

Aitana Bonmati x Reader

Summary: your Aitanas girlfriend

Warnings: Pure Fluff, maybe bad ending

My Masterlist

please read this text before going to the story

please don't be so strict with me but rather write to me what I can do better or what you wished were different. also tell me if you find the story too long or too short.. Also write to me if you liked it. My requests are always open (and English is not my first language so don't be mad at me) and if you have any ideas for the future about who I should write please tell me… the topics I will choose by myself unless you have a request for one or two people I will Read everything.. in the next survey I will take a few ideas from the old survey and new ones…. now read and I hope you like it <33

(its a very short one)

aitana is your girlfriend, she is the most tender and sweetest person you have ever met

You know that she would drop everything if you called her and said you weren't feeling well

It was match day. You've been playing for Betis Sevilla since your childhood. It was the game against FC Barcelona. You already knew that you wouldn't have a chance

You're going to play against your girlfriend. You kept your relationship secret long enough until you went on vacation together during the summer break and decided to post a picture together so that everyone knew you were together. Since then, your team has been annoying you and keeps telling you that you are togheter with the best player

Also today they teased you about playing against Aitana, you haven't seen her in a long time, it was already overdue. You both have been very busy lately and have neglected your relationship a little, so you didn't really like the jokes your teammates made

“Can you please stop” you said slightly annoyed and pulled your jersey over your head The jokes will probably never stop

"Aww we're a little baby again today" Paula joked and pinched your cheek lightly. You clicked in annoyance and let Noelia braid your hair. It's a little ritual between you to braid each other's hair

You were all excited to play against Barça again. You finished lacing up your shoes and went into the tunnel. You acted as captains and stood right next to Alexia, the captain of Barça. You cracked your neck one last time before the referee announced it was time to line up

You stood there, gave a little applause and shook hands with your opponents. Aitana took your hand firmly in hers and gave you a little wink, which you accepted with a smile

it was kick-off. The game went well, even though you lost 5-1, you were still proud to be part of this team

//

1-0 Barcelona: Claudia Pina 26‘

2-0 Barcelona: Mariona Caldentey 44‘

2-1 Betis Sevilla: y/n 45‘

3-1 Barcelona: Caroline Graham-hansen 75‘

4-1 Barcelona: Salma Paralluelo 88‘

5-1 Barcelona: Salma Paralluelo 90+1‘

//

Even though you lost so much, you were still proud that the times were so far apart

After the game you all gave each other a handshake

Aitana ran up to you and hugged you tightly. "Hey you were great" she beamed at you with a huge smile

“Thank you aita you were pretty good too” you joked, smelling the sweet smell of her hair once again

"Would you like to come with me? I mean you're in Barcelona and I think your team will be able to do without you for the night or not?" she told you and put her arm around your shoulders to start the way to the cabins

you took a deep breath "okay but only if you cook for me" you raised your hand aitana laughed "sí I'll cook whatever you want" she said laughing and let go of you "well I'll wait for you outside my car" She said as she walked past and you nodded at her

You took a shower and told the coaching team that you would stay with Aitana and fly back alone tomorrow

//

About an hour later you were finished. You said goodbye to your team and headed towards the exit. The evening warmth of Barcelona hit your face. You looked for Aitana's car until she drove close to you

"Hola chica necesitas un conductor?"

She asks laughing and you ironically bump into her car. You walked in. It's been a long time since you looked in her car. After a moment she immediately pounced on you and bit lightly into your neck and cheek. You squealed and tried pushing her away laughing "aita aita stop" you say breathless with laughter

"I missed you so much" she tells you and places kisses on your cheek. You took her hands in yours and gave her a long kiss on the mouth

When you let go she looks at you with her sweet gaze. She licks her lips and blushes with embarrassment. You have kissed so many times but after such a long time it is always unique to kiss her again

"I missed you too" you say and smile slightly, everything is the same as before, her light ponytail, the smell of peppermint toothpaste when you kiss her and the gentle rose scent of her shower gel that is distributed in the air

"Do you want to go I'm pretty hungry" she said and rubbed her stomach lightly. She sometimes behaved like a little baby but that's what you loved about her, her funny faces that she sometimes gave you or she tickled you awake in the morning or crawled under your shirt you loved everything about her

"Yes we can go" you say, laughing slightly and giving her one last little kiss. She drove through the gate. On the car ride, you sang your favorite songs. Her hand didn't leave yours for a second

When you arrived at Aitana's house she opened your door and took your hand to escort you out. She carried your suitcase and looked for her key to the door

“You can take something from me to wear you know where everything is” she says and gave you a kiss before disappearing into the kitchen

You went into her bedroom and the smell of freshly washed laundry from her laundry basket immediately hit your nose. You did a little tidying up and taught the basket and carefully placed everything in your closet and looked for something to wear yourself You decided on a loose shirt and shorts. You changed your clothes and saw your selfie together in a frame on her dessert. A smile immediately came to your face you loved this woman.

You went into the kitchen and the smell of fresh ham hit your nose. You watched Aitana for a moment until you walked up to her and hugged her tenderly from behind. "Ay baby you're wearing my favorite shirt" she said, laughing slightly and frying a few tortillas in the pan you place your head on her shoulder and place small kisses on her neck

"can you promise me no matter how long we don't see each other or neglect each other that you'll never leave me" You say lovingly and notice how Aitana's stomach falls and rises

"I'll stay with you until you can't stand me anymore and even then I won't let you go you won't get rid of me that easily" she says with a slight smile

you beam across both cheeks "I love you Aita" you whisper in her ear

"I love you too cariño"