#souko morinaga

[lunacias]

I wish you could see it, too

[ladyloveandjustice]

Of course Natsume cries over the doomed yuri, just like I want to. But what he says to Nyanko-sensei also shows how he's different from Reiko--rather than pretending it doesn't matter who you see beautiful things with, that it's the same whether you're alone or not, he's open about the fact his loved ones being there matters. He directly tells Nyanko-sensei he wants him to be here and see the flowers with him. He voices the thought Reiko never could for Souko, that she buried deep inside.

Reiko's always been positioned as the person Natsume could have become. The path he could have continued down if the Fujiwaras hadn't found him.

What if Natsume had missed out on his relationship with Tanuma because of a misunderstanding? With Taki? With Nishimura and Kitamoto and Sasada? He might have given up just like Reiko did in the early days/ But he was lucky, and that didn't happen. And now he's the kind of person who doesn't assume he's better off alone, who fights for every connection he has.

He was able to change because of the Fujiwaras...but also, a large part of why Natsume turned differently from Reiko is the Book of Friends itself. The Book of Friends is a product of an unfulfilled relationship, of heartbreak. But it was never that to Natsume. It was a way to connect with his grandmother, and a way to pick up where she left off. He meets so many of his friends and loved ones because of her, because of the book, and he maintains those relationships in the way she never could. He wouldn't have met Nyanko sensei if not for Reiko, and he might have never stuck around if not for his initial interest in the Book. And he forms a much deeper relationship.

(It's still unclear how lasting Reiko and Nyanko-sensei's relationship was either, and if it was a result of something to do with the book. He certainly doesn't talk about it, and it's clear he doesn't know all that much about her and that he wasn't as close to her as he now is to Natsume, but there is an implication he really cared about her.)

Natsume takes over for Reiko in protecting Shigeru from the yokai that still haunts them, uses her knowledge to do it, but doesn't run away afterwards, even if he's afraid of getting hurt. Then there's Hinoe, Misuzu, the way the Book was a way he connected with Taki.. the book is how things begin for him, not end, it's a way to release someone and let them choose to stay. The Book is dangerous, and it turns Natsume's life into a constant stream of near death encounters, but it's also given him so much, so many bonds he's treasured.

And now he's discovered it would have never existed if it weren't for Souko. He hasn't just been carrying around a fragment of his grandmother, but the girl who almost became her first friend, the girl who loved her. Just like for Reiko, Souko is a part of him now.

Doomed yuri is fine for what it is, but I can't help but hope Souko and Reiko ran into each other, however briefly, before she died. That they were able to at least clear the air and have a sloppy makeout session.

Because isn't that what Natsume has been struggling to find for Reiko? He holds onto hope she was able to change. That she was able to find the joy and love and fulfillment he has.

Another interesting way things could come full circle is if Natsume ran into the present-day Souko. Reiko died young so there's a good chance Souko's still alive. What if she ran into Natsume and he was finally able to tell her that Reiko was waiting for her. In fact, I've literally already started writing that fic. So prepare for that in the future, I guess.

When it inspires you to write a fanfic, you know an episode's good, and this one was excellent. I'm sad we only have one episode left. At least there's the special in the spring.

[connan-l]

Colorful

Fandom: Natsume's Book of Friends Rating: General Audiences Warnings: Major Character Death, No Archive Warnings Apply Relationship: Morinaga Souko/Natsume Reiko Summary: So many colors suited the forest girl that Souko couldn't assign a single one to her. Words: 7,123 Link: AO3 | Fanfiction.net

Notes: Believe it or not, I actually started writing this in 2018, and for some reason was never able to complete it lol. But I got so excited with the announcement of season 7 that I decided it was a good time to finish this, before we get to see those chapters get adapted.

Find out Reiko and Souko’s story still makes me cry even 5 years later, and I can’t wait to bawl about them once they’re animated!

* * *

People were always surprised when Souko told them she didn’t like the color blue.

It wasn’t like she hated it, but she just wasn’t very fond of it.

She liked green, yellow, purple, red — vivacious pigments that felt alive, cheery; hues that a child would love to use to paint one of his drawings.

Blue was just sad.

The watery tint of the deep sea, the cold tint of winter.

Souko loved assigning colors to people. She saw her father as a vibrant red, and her mother — from the little she remembered of her — as a soft purple. Her uncle was golden, her aunt orange, her grandmother green.

So although she didn’t hate it, a part of her always felt disappointed ‘blue’ was the color people associated with her the most — simply because it was what she’d been named after.

Sometimes, Souko thought it was a funny twist of fate, for her to bear the name of a color she only connected to sadness; a warped prediction of what her life would look like after she fell ill.

No one who met her after she got sick would believe it, but she actually used to be a very energetic child. Back then, she could spend the entire day running around and climbing to trees and playing all sorts of games outside with other kids, giving her father a hundred of panic attacks.

All of that crumbled away when her heart started to malfunction two years ago, and suddenly her whole body began to fall apart without her control.

It had been gradual. Slow and excruciating.

She barely noticed the first signs; the shaking in her hands, her frequent headaches, her legs incapable of walking or running for very long. One day on her way to school, she passed out — and just like that, she spent the following year practically unable to get out of bed.

Her life then withered away.

She couldn’t do any of the things she liked anymore, couldn’t go to school anymore, couldn’t see anyone but her family.

She stopped running and playing outside, and she stopped gardening, and she stopped cooking.

She didn’t really had any friends, as the shy girl she’d always been, but she’d still managed to have some decent relationships with some kids at school, at least.

Now she didn’t even had that anymore.

She withered, drowning away in a bottomless cerulean sea, and for a long, long time, nothing seemed to really matter anymore.

During those endless days, there was only two things she could do: read, which she took the habit of doing since then, and stare at her window. Her bedroom was in front of their garden, so she had a direct sight on the many colorful flowers her mother had planted there long ago, and that Souko had continued to take care of since then. But most of the times, it wasn’t the rainbow of flowers she would stare at, but the blue of the sky — getting lost in its infinity, her heart heavy with anguish and anger at her own life.

Dad had told her, once, that the reason why they named her ‘Souko’ was because she’d been born during a day with a completely clear blue sky. No clouds, no shade of gray, no sun; only blue and blue and blue, as far as the eye could see.

But as Souko kept staring at that same sky, the only thing she could think about was how profoundly empty that blue looked.

* * *

With the help of medications and reeducation, she slowly started to get better — but the doctors were unequivocal on the fact that she would never be able to move like she used to.

She had to limit her gestures, her outings, her breathing; she couldn’t run anymore, or barely so. She was getting better, but she still felt like she was imprisoned within her own body; a bird unable to get out of a cage of its own making.

But the worst wasn’t really any of this. It all weighted heavily on her, of course; but she could bear that. She didn’t really have a choice. The burden her illness had taken on her family, however, was another thing entirely.

The Morinaga household was constituted of only Souko and her father since her mother’s death when she was little, but her uncle and aunt lived nearby and were practically part of their home since as long as she could remember. Dad was very close to his brother, and so her uncle was almost like a third parent to Souko, always having been deeply involved in her life.

Thus her illness had repercussions not only on her father, but on her uncle, her aunt and the whole family. Everyone was always so tense whenever they came to see her, obvious tight smiles and stiff shoulders as they looked at her; and through the months she’d heard hundreds of arguments between her father and grandmother, between the two brothers, between most of her relatives, all about the same topics. What to do with her condition, with her treatment’s cost, with everything else.

Even Dad stopped looking at her like he used to, and instead a pained expression spread across his face every time his eyes met hers. She felt more like a poor little wounded animal he pitied than like his daughter.

That was the hardest part. The idea that not only her body was getting torn apart, but her family did as well — and that it was all her fault.

She couldn’t stand it. It made her want to run away.

Find a place far away; cut from all of her problems, where she wouldn’t have to worry about anything, and where she wouldn’t worry anyone.

A place to be all alone.

And then one night after dinner, Dad approached her with an awkward smile and addressed her in a gentle, careful voice:

"The other day the doctor made me an offer... I thought about it and it could be a good opportunity. He said that… to help with your convalescence, we could move to the countryside.”

At first, Souko wasn’t sure what to think of it.

Truthfully, she didn’t want to move.

She knew nothing at all about the small town where her dad wanted to go, and going there would mean losing all of the landmarks she’d known her whole life. It meant leaving their house where she grew up. Uncle and Auntie. Mom’s grave from a few meters away in the cemetery. Her school.

Souko might not have had any friends here, she still didn’t want to lose the relationships she had with the people of her hometown — and she didn’t want to have to make the effort to form new bonds with strangers.

The very idea made her stomach twist with anxiety. But she couldn’t turn Dad down; not when she knew he also probably didn’t want to move either, and that he only proposed that for her sake.

So against all of her better instincts, Souko agreed.

* * *

She couldn’t manage to assign any color to the forest girl.

No matter how hard she tried to, none of the choices — none of the different tints and shades and hues — seemed to fit her.

Or, rather, all of them fitted her.

The girl — her match companion, the teenager she’d met hidden within the deepest parts of the woods, like a rare, delicate diamond — was the most beautiful and fascinating person Souko had ever seen; ephemeral like a ghost, flippant like a cat and fluttering like a butterfly.

Her long silver hair seemed to change color with the sunlight; turning white or golden or purple contingent on the sky’s whims.

Souko blurted that out, once, without thinking much about it beforehand; and then regretted it right away, because of how childish it sounded.

The girl just laughed.

“Purple?” She repeated, and Souko felt herself blush. “Really?”

“B-Because, look… Your hair is so light, so it take on the dusk’s color. And when dusk turns orange, or pink, then your hair also…”

“Is that so.”

The girl looked over at the horizon, which was indeed starting to take on a mauve tint. For a moment, her companion seemed contemplative; then finally, she turned towards her again and grinned.

“Well, what do you think? Is purple my color?”

Souko felt the scarlet of her cheeks deepens even more, but she was able to muster the courage to actually reply truthfully: “I think every color is your color. You look pretty in everything.”

And that was true, too.

Souko could imagine her in red, pink, purple, orange, black and white — and that girl, her mysterious nameless acquaintance of the forest, would be just as wonderful and breathtaking as ever.

She would look beautiful and full of life even in blue.

Souko had never seen a person like that before, so radiant and mesmerizing that her eyes couldn’t stop staring at her, that her mind couldn’t help but think of her almost all the time.

For a very brief moment, the girl looked slightly taken aback; but she quickly seemed to get over it and simply smiled back at her.

The girl was always smiling.

It was a little disconcerting, sometimes — and it wasn’t that Souko didn’t like seeing her smile, but she just wished that smile looked actually genuine.

Once I’ll win, she swore to herself.

Once I’ll win, I’ll make her give me her name. I’ll make her become my friend — and then I’ll be able to make her smile for real.

* * *

“Oh, the candy’s blue.”

“Isn’t it pretty?”

“Yeah. Like the blue of Souko.”

Her voice resounded in her mind even long after the two of them parted way.

She couldn’t stop thinking about the manner she’d said her name. Softly, fleetingly, lost in the wind, like no one but the girl herself had been supposed to hear it.

The blue of Souko.

Souko had never been fond of her name. She’d never really liked the color blue.

And now, after all she’d been through, the only thing it managed to evoke to her was the emptiness of the sky as she looked through her room’s window stuck in her bed.

That was all the blue of Souko was to her.

But when the girl spoke it… When she said her name so softly, so longingly, Souko couldn’t help but love it.

The girl was a little like a fairy, Souko thought; an otherworldly being who seemed to be able to transform every bad aspects of her life into something magical.

Her name sounded beautiful when she said it. That town in the countryside seemed so fun now that she started spending time with her. Her new home, her tense family, her unfamiliar school and classmates — everything seemed bearable now that she had that girl by her side.

Even the color blue would surely feel warm and vivacious, if her secret companion started wearing some of it.

Before meeting the forest girl, Souko had simply not been able to feel at home anywhere in that town.

It wasn’t like people here weren’t welcoming — at the contrary, everyone was quite nice to her, but Souko still hadn’t been able to shake off the feeling that she simply didn’t belong. She’d always been a timid girl, but suddenly moving here while cutting all ties to her old life, added to the months she’d spent completely isolated from the world because of her illness, made her feel like she’d lost all of her social skills. She could barely handle normal conversations with the other kids, or with the townsfolk — always feeling like people were staring at her, judging her, monitoring her every moves. And even when she was alone, she couldn’t stand to be at her house either, in that unfamiliar place.

That was why coming in the middle of that forest, away from any form of life, away from her family and other people, was the only time that had finally made her feel a little comfortable — and that despite the fact this place had a strange ominous aura and sometimes gave her headaches.

And then she met the girl. The time she spent by her side, chatting idly and having silly matches and laughing together about nothing made her the happiest and most free she’d felt in months. Not since she fell ill.

The girl wasn’t always nice; she could be quite prickly and cold, and it wasn’t like Souko didn’t think that girl was... strange. Truthfully, she could be a little unsettling, or even scary sometimes. Occasionnally, she would just say weird things out of nowhere, or stared past Souko’s shoulder as if she was seeing someone behind her, or dragged her away from a place as if she was trying to run from something.

Something Souko couldn’t see.

(And, sometimes, Souko almost had the impression there really was something else with them, and that it wasn’t just the two of them in the middle of these woods.)

But even so, despite all of this, Souko still didn’t think she could, or wanted to, stop seeing the girl.

At least, she treated Souko like a normal person. She never walked on eggshells around her, even after she’d learned she was sick. And even with all her prickliness, Souko could tell that she had a kind heart, buried behind her sharp gaze and barbed comments. She wouldn’t have let Souko stay by her side otherwise.

The girl and those meetings were so odd, so detached from everything in her life — that sometimes Souko almost felt like she was hallucinating them. Like she was doing some forbidden rituals with a witch, and not just playing childish games.

There was only ever the two of them in that forest, after all — no one else here to confirm the real from the surreal.

Her rendez-vous with the forest girl was the most exciting part of her day, and she spent the whole time thinking about what new games they would play next.

Wishing that today would finally be the day she win — would be the day she finally earn her name.

Earn the right to be her friend.

“Are you going out again?”

Her father stopped her just as she was about to leave the house, and Souko startled. “Ah, yes…”

A worried look crossed his face. “Souko… I’m glad you seem to be so happy, lately — really, but… You need to be more careful. Your body is still…”

“I know,” Souko said, maybe a little more forcefully than she intended. Of course she knew her body was still frail. It was her body, after all — she understood the consequences of its weakened state better than anyone. “I’m careful, Dad, I promise. You don’t need to worry.”

But of course, that was probably a meaningless thing to say. Her father would always worry regardless of what she said.

“…Is that a friend that you see like that every day?” He asked. “I know you said you’ve been getting along better with your classmates lately…”

Souko opened her mouth, then hesitated a little.

She still hadn’t said anything to her father about the forest girl. She hadn’t said anything about her to anyone, period.

She wasn’t really sure why.

She’d told Dad about the classmates she’d started to talk to — they weren’t really friends yet, but they were nice, and Souko would like to become closer.

That, too, was thanks to the forest girl, in a way. It wasn’t like she had encouraged to talk to others or anything, but being able to have normal conversations with someone her age after having been isolated for so long had managed to cheer Souko up and make her feel braver.

The girl always looked so strong and confident, after all; solid as a rock, standing tall among the trees. Souko always felt like nothing could ever hurt or reach her.

So she’d thought that if she wanted to be worthy of befriending the forest girl, then she should try to befriend the more approachable kids at her school first.

But her classmates were different from the girl, and so Souko felt that she couldn’t simply tell Dad about her like she would with a normal classmate. Maybe she wanted to become friends with her for real before telling him — or maybe… maybe she just wanted to keep her as a secret. For now.

Something only Souko knew about.

Her father had still noticed the changes, though, and he looked simultaneously happy and worried about them. He’d already been very concerned from the start, when Souko went back to school, and then about the fact he could tell his daughter had clearly struggled to fit in at their new place. And now he clearly wasn’t happy about her escapades after school; didn’t like her going outside to play around in the forest. Souko sympathized with his feelings, knew that he was only worried for her; but it had been the best she’d felt in such a long time, and she wasn’t about to let that go.

Dad said nothing for a moment, then narrowed his eyes at Souko — and only when she noticed his suspicious look did she realizes that she was blushing.

“…Is that person you’re seeing a boy?”

“Wha— N-No! I-It’s not like that… we’re just…”

Her father laughed a little, and waved his hand. “Sorry, that’s none of my business. But you don’t need to be embarrassed about it, you know. It’s normal, at your age.”

“I-It’s really not like that…”

And it’s not a boy.

But Dad didn’t seem he would believe her no matter what she could say, so Souko felt it would be pointless to argue further. Instead, she went to her rendez-vous spot with the forest girl, and as usual they played together, Souko lost, and then they talked for a while. At some point, the girl took her hand and dragged her somewhere else. Her hand was rugged, and her skin sturdy — but it felt warm.

Souko wished she could keep holding her hand forever.

Maybe Dad isn’t entirely wrong, she thought then, looking at the girl’s pretty long hair flowing in the wind, her heart skipping a beat at the sight.

If she were a boy, maybe I would fall in love with her.

It would be so easy to fall for her. She was so beautiful and strong and fun. Souko was certain most boys at her school must be crushing on her.

(She’d inadvertently said this, one day, and to her utter surprise the girl bursts out laughing ; so hard she had to hold her stomach, and Souko had never seen her laugh so loudly and for so long before.

“No way!” She’d exclaimed after calming down. “Boys don’t like me, at all.”

“H-Huh?” Souko let out. She didn’t think she would lie about this, but she heavily doubted that was true. Maybe no one ever confessed to her, but there was just no way not a single person had at least some feelings for someone as charming as her.

The girl grinned, her green eyes boring straight into Souko’s. “I scare them. Well, to be honest, I don’t really like boys either.”

Souko didn’t know why, but at these words her cheeks flushed and she felt a small warmth of hope bloom in her chest.)

Late in the evening, when Souko came home, the first thing she did was going out in the garden, just as twilight was starting to set.

The place was still barren. Back at their old home, they used to have a garden with a lot of colorful flowers — hibiscus, daisies, orchids, tulips, marigolds… Her mother’s flowers, that Souko loved to take care of; the first thing she would see upon waking up, a rainbow of delicate, shiny petals. In their new house, a lot of things were different, but Dad had made a point to get her a bedroom where she could see the garden too, just because he knew how much Souko had liked it before.

She finally wanted to start feeling at home here, too. So maybe she could start by planting some flowers. Dad would probably like that as well — he’d loved their flowers too.

One day — after she’ll finally be able to learn the forest girl’s name and become her friend, Souko will invite her to her home and introduce her father to her.

Show her her flower garden.

But in the meantime, the forest girl would stay her little secret — something that was hers and hers only.

* * *

One of Souko’s new favorite things was when she was able to surprise the girl.

She always thought a lot about the types of games she could propose to her — even asked her uncle and dad to give her some new ideas. And every day, it felt like the girl was surprised to still find her here in the forest with a new challenge. Almost like she expected her to suddenly stop coming any time now.

How silly, Souko thought. There’s no way I’ll ever stop coming to see you, even if I wanted to.

But even so, she’d never seen the girl as shocked as when she decided to show up one day with lunch boxes in her hands.

“What’s this?” She asked in a bewildered tone, her pale green eyes pinned on Souko like a cat’s.

“Lunch.”

“I can see that,” the girl snapped back sharply, but by now Souko was used to her curtness. She could be a little mean sometimes in her way of speaking, but Souko had come to learn it wasn’t necessarily because she was annoyed. “I was asking why you brought this here— and why you brought two of these.”

Souko flushed a little, but still didn’t let go of the girl’s eyes.

“Well, I… I was just thinking, that you often seems hungry when we meet, and also, how you’re very thin, and so— I just thought that maybe you should just eat a little more. There’s meat in there, and…”

The girl narrowed her eyes at her. “Who do you think you are? My mom?”

Souko blushed even further, and looked away. That did seems a little silly and pretentious to bring that girl a lunch out of the blue, when she put it into words like that. But she couldn’t help it, and— truthfully, Souko had started to get quite worried about her.

It was often that the girl’s belly would suddenly start gurgling in the middle of one their matches, and Souko had noticed how she seemed much lighter than a girl her age should be (absolutely not because Souko was staring her at a little too much, of course; that had nothing to do with this). She’d once asked her if she was eating enough — and then the girl had snorted, rolling her eyes. But she hadn’t replied. So Souko thought, that she could…

But maybe it had been rude of her to do. Just as she was about to apologize though, the girl suddenly grabbed her lunch box and chopsticks, and Souko barely had the time to turns her head towards her that she saw her open the box and starts digging in.

“What?” The girl shot back, catching her staring. “You did say it was for me, right?”

Souko smiled, and nodded enthusiastically. “Y-Yes, of course!”

And so she quietly watched her eat away the whole meal with a smile she couldn’t quite manage to hide. She didn’t even left a single crumb — which on the one hand, Souko was happy about, but on the other it definitely had her more concerned, because that seemed to confirm the fact she truly didn’t get enough to eat at her house.

Souko could never brings herself to ask, but she has the distinct feeling that things were… not great at home, for the girl.

To start with, it was strange for a teenager to hang out in a forest so far away like this. The girl always seemed to be all alone, too; and she was spending so much time here… it didn’t seem like she had any other friends. Much like Souko. But much more worrisome was the fact that she was often hurt. Souko frequently caught glimpse of scratches, bandages, and bruises covering her body. Some of them might be because of her playing around in the woods — and Souko had absolutely seen her doing a lot of reckless things that would get her injured — but…

Others must have been made by someone, Souko was pretty sure.

She tried to ask her a couple of times about her family, but the girl always brushed her asides and changed the topic when she did. Even Souko talked to her sometimes about her father and her uncle and her family, but the girl would never say anything back about herself. She clearly didn’t want to talk about her life at home. So Souko respected that — even if she didn’t like it.

She didn’t want to jump to conclusion about things she couldn’t possibly know either, but… she still worried.

“H-How was it?” Souko decided to ask, trying to stop thinking about such morose things.

“Hm? Oh, good. It was really good.”

Souko beamed. “Really?”

“Why would I lie about that?”

“Hehe, that’s true. Thank you! I’m so glad you like it.”

The girl actually stared at her and lifted an eyebrow at her words. “‘Thank you”?”

“Ah… I’m the one who made that.”

She had woken up earlier this morning specifically to prepare it, following her mother’s old recipe. Dad had been so surprised to see her in the kitchen — it had been the first time she cooked anything since she got sick. Until now, he’d been the one taking care of most of the cooking — or sometimes it was her aunt, when she was home.

Souko had forgotten how much fun cooking actually was.

She used to do it quite frequently back then, but then stopped after she got sick, just like most of her hobbies — and even now that she was recovering, she hadn't gone back to them. Even though now she could easily try them again without endangering her health. Gardening was the same, too. She wondered if she’d have as much fun gardening, if she did it again now.

It’d be nice if I could do those things with her, too, she had thought this morning while cutting off vegetables. The only things she did with the girl was playing games and talking, but she was sure they’d have fun doing other type of activities together as well. I wonder if she loves cooking and gardening…

The idea made her so happy that she had decided to creates the prettiest lunch box for the girl — as colorful as her old flower garden used to be — putting shades of red and green and pink all over, carving orange carrots in little flowers, putting the yellow egg yolk in the form of a sunflower.

Each color so vivid and lovely, each of them suiting the forest girl.

The memories of this morning made Souko smile, and she was only brought back to the present moment thanks to a strong wind blowing through her short dark hair. She turned her head towards the girl, about to apologize for her absentmindedness, but then stopped.

To her surprise, the girl actually seemed really taken aback, eyes wide and mouth agape. Was she truly that shocked by the fact Souko could cook?

(Or was it because she’d cooked for her, specifically?)

“O-Oh,” the girl stuttered — and for a bewildering, fascinating moment, Souko saw her cheeks reddens slightly.

Is she… blushing?

The moment disappeared as quickly as it appeared, and Souko almost thought she’d made it up, a conjured illusion of her mind. But the scarlet on her otherwise white cheeks, and her embarrassed expression, was engraved inside Souko's heart, and she couldn’t help the wide grin that then spreads on her lips.

Of course, scarlet was just as pretty as any other colors on the girl’s face.

She looked just like a flower herself, in all her silver and green and white and red.

Souko wished she was brave enough to kiss her just then.

Instead, she quietly promised to do everything in her power to see that expression on her face once again.

* * *

She couldn’t even remember how she managed to get home, that evening.

Her head wouldn’t stop pounding, so much that she was unable to think. Her body was so heavy that every step felt like torture. Her heart seemed like a dead weight inside her chest; a burden pulling her down and down.

She felt just like that day she’d collapsed for the first time, two years ago; the day that marked the start of the end of her normal life. The only lucid thing she could register was her voice, echoing inside her skull again and again and again.

“Reiko. My name is Reiko Natsume.”

“Go away.”

“You look pale. It’s starting to rain, so you should go home.”

“You should go home.”

Souko knew she should never have gone home the moment she turned around. She knew she should have stayed; that she should have kept talking to her — her forest girl, her ghost of an acquaintance; the lovely, strange, colorful person she fell in love with.

But her voice had been so cold, when she told her to go away.

Her eyes were blank and sharp at the same time, so different from the way she usually looked at her, and Souko couldn’t stand to see that.

And she just hadn’t… she had never even expected that she could be…

It made sense, if she really thought about it; what other teenage girl would spend all her time alone in the forest, but the rumored weird delinquent from the neighboring town?

But Souko had never thought of her like that until now; both seemed so unrelated in her mind, and she felt so shocked she hadn’t been able to properly process it.

And now her duel partner had already vanished, like a mirage of the woods, like she’d never existed at all.

Souko had taken her name, and then nothing of the girl was left.

Now she was all alone in the rain, and the blue of the sky had faded away, replaced with nothing but a foggy, looming gray.

Souko’s steps vacillated, and her head still hammering, she fell on the ground.

She’d finally won, after training for so long — she finally knew her name — and yet she still wasn’t… still couldn’t be her friend.

She needed to go back, she needed to apologize, she needed to talk to her—

But the sound of the rain and the coldness of Reiko Natsume’s voice were the only thing she could hear before her consciousness slipped away.

* * *

The following days were spent in a blur.

Souko barely even registered her father’s voice or her uncle’s hands or the doctor’s visits. She felt like she was in another dimension, far away from this house, this town, this country.

She felt like she was still stuck in that forest, alone with Reiko, the rest of the world non-existent.

In her dreams, Reiko was here, by her side; pretty in all colors of the rainbow, and she smiled, and laughed, and talked. They played games together, they cooked, they gardened.

In her dreams, Souko apologized. She told her she hadn’t meant to leave, she told her she didn’t care about the rumors about her. She told her that to Souko, she wasn’t a violent scary girl, but a fun, and beautiful, and kind person.

She told her she loved her.

In her dreams, Souko was brave enough to finally kiss her.

But then she opened her eyes, and she was all alone in her bed, and there was only the blue of the sky from her bedroom’s window.

One night, she had a different dream, though.

She felt like she heard someone crying, and then Reiko was there, blue petals falling over her hair and uniform.

As she woke up, Souko couldn’t remember what the dream had been about.

* * *

It took her three whole days before she was able to stand again.

Dad and Uncle were relieved, but Souko couldn’t share any of their enthusiasm. She still felt sick, but insisted nevertheless to go back to school. She couldn’t really bring herself to talk to anyone there though, even as her classmates fussed about her health; her mind focused on only one single person — and as soon as the day ended, she ran towards the forest, towards their usual rendez-vous spot.

(She knew she shouldn’t run, she was still coughing, she still felt so weak — but she couldn’t help it.

She had to see Reiko again, as quickly as possible.)

“Reiko?” She exclaimed upon arriving, but there was no one else.

There's no one yet, Souko reminded herself, trying to stay positive. I’m still early. She could come later.

“Reiko!”

She repeated her name for a while — and couldn’t help but think that if only the circumstances were different, she would feel so proud over it.

To have finally been able to learn her name, to be able to call it out like that.

But that didn’t matter much if no one was there to respond to it. To call Souko back.

I don’t even know how it’s written, she thought.

She tried to think of all the combinations of characters to write ‘Reiko’ that could fit her the most, but just like with colors, she couldn’t decide upon a single one. All of them could suit her.

She would have to ask her about it, next time she saw her.

At least she felt pretty certain on how to spell ‘Natsume.’

All-seeing eyes of the summer, the season of ghosts and spirits.

Souko sat at their usual place.

She waited.

She kept staring left and right, attentive to every sound; trying to catch the slightest glimpse of a silver thread.

But by the time dusk came, there was still no one.

She was still all alone.

* * *

Souko stopped talking to her classmates.

A few days after her last encounter with Reiko, she’d asked the girl from her class who’d first told her about the violent high schooler from next town if she knew anything else — but she’d ended up getting into an argument with her. Her classmates had always been very nice up until now, but as soon as she started asking about Reiko Natsume, they completely changed tune and started spewing all those terrible things about her — that she was a violent delinquent, that she was crazy, that she hurt people.

Souko couldn’t help but defend her. Her classmates had never even met Reiko — what did they know about her? But everyone refused to listen to her. They almost all had a specific creepy or terrible anecdote about Reiko Natsume; she hit my cousin, she talked to trees, she burned down a shop — I tell you, that Natsume girl is bad news! C’mon, Morinaga, why do you even want to associate with someone like that? — and so Souko stopped talking to them.

She didn’t mind. She had no intention to keep hanging around such judgmental people who spoke badly of someone purely because of some rumors they’d heard.

She herself felt so ashamed, to have simply believed those hearsay and repeated them thoughtlessly. She had believed she was doing the right thing by warning Reiko about a potentially dangerous person, because she cared about her and didn’t want anything to happen to her — but she couldn’t even imagine how Reiko must have felt hearing this. How badly Souko must have hurt her. And then, when she’d learned her name, Souko had just run away…

She wouldn’t be surprised if Reiko never wanted to see her again.

But even so, she couldn’t just leave things like that. She had to apologize, at least — she had to tell her that she… she didn’t think any of that, about her.

So she tried to ask around about Reiko, tried to find out if anyone knew where she could live, what school she went to — but whenever she did, she only received vague, uncertain answers. Reiko Natsume was a weird orphan who kept being passed around among families like an unwanted stray, so it was hard to keep track of where she was.

Nobody wanted her, and nobody tried to know anything about her.

She's just a poor crazy girl, was the kindest thing one could hear on her behalf.

The more Souko learned about Reiko Natsume, the less it made sense.

This weird, insane, violent girl was nothing at all like the girl she’d gotten to know. Her Reiko could be a little cold, and a little too blunt, but she was nice, and fun, and amazing. It was like two entirely different people sharing the same name. Souko couldn’t even begin to comprehend how anyone would say such awful things about her.

In the end, she wasn’t able to find anything more about her, and so she had no other choice but to go back to the forest, and wait. Which she did, day after day, even against her family’s protests, even when it rained, even when her health kept deteriorating.

She continued waiting alone.

But sometimes, just sometimes, she felt like she could feel another presence.

Like a ghost sitting by her side, waiting with her, sharing in her lost love and her sadness.

Souko thought back to the legends she’d heard about the forest from her classmates; the strange things Reiko would do sometimes — the stares behind her shoulder, dragging her away forcefully just because a branch had snapped, the way she’d gotten startled during their last match, as if she had been distracted by something…

Maybe Souko wasn’t so alone, after all.

Maybe there truly was someone else by her side, someone she couldn’t see.

Maybe if Reiko had seemed so radiant and vibrant, that was because she actually was able to see another world: a world full of new colors, invisible to others.

Souko found comfort at the idea; that she truly had a companion to share her feelings — her pain — with, even if only a little.

* * *

It was during a day with a completely clear blue sky when she had that dream again.

Souko had stopped being able to go to school a while ago, and thus at the same time she stopped being able to go to the forest as well — the first one she didn’t care about anymore, but the second was more troubling.

She didn’t really think Reiko would come back by now — but she still kept coming there, just in case, like a last prayer.

She wondered if her companion she couldn’t see would feel lonely now that she wouldn’t be there anymore. She wondered if they would miss her.

Where could Reiko be now? Was she still sleeping in a forest, talking to creatures only she could sees?

Was she still all alone?

Souko wished wherever she was, it was far, far away from all those people who spoke and treated her so badly. She wished she was able to find a friend, someone who would love her for the person she truly was and would stand by her side no matter what — even if that person couldn’t be Souko.

Her father was in the living room now, sleeping. He had spent the whole night crying, no matter how much Souko had tried to comfort him.

She wished she could find the right words for him — tell him that she was fine, that her life had still been full of wonders and happiness despite all the suffering, that he’d been a wonderful father — but they both knew there was nothing she could do that would soothe his pain. She wished she could apologize to him, for leaving him all alone just like Mom did, but she didn’t even have the energy to do so anymore. The rest of the family — her uncle and aunt and grandmother — should arrive tonight, and Souko hoped they’ll be able to do a better job than her at comforting him.

She looked up from her bed, at the window in front of her.

The large sky spread wide before her, and it was so deep and blue, and Souko wondered if this was how it looked the day she was born — the day her parents decided to name her after the saddest of all colors.

Although Souko had stopped finding blue as sad as she used to. Now when she thought of blue, she thought of the way Reiko used to say her name so gently, of the blue candy in her palm, of the blue flowers she saw in a dream that she couldn’t remember.

The blue of Souko.

From here, she could also see the barren garden — in the end, she hadn’t been able to plant anything there. She closed her eyes, slowly, and tried to picture the colorful flowers she would’ve liked to put there, the ones she wished she could’ve shown to Reiko.

As her mind drifted away, she heard someone crying.

A gentle voice, from a gentle presence.

Souko smiled, because she knew that presence; it was the same person — the same creature — that had kept her company all this time, while she was waiting for a girl she loved that would never come.

Like with her father, she wished she could comfort them, but nothing came to her mind.

However, as she kept straying farther and farther away from reality, a sight suddenly opened up to her eyes.

She’s in a meadow.

A flower field with blue, blue, blue petals everywhere — fluttering, dancing, as far as the eye can see.

And here, in the middle of the blue flowers, all alone, is her forest girl.

Tears wells up in Souko’s eyes, but she smiles, big and wide — and do the one thing she wishes she could’ve done months ago: she calls out her name.

“Reiko.”

The girl she loves turns around, and as her green eyes melt upon recognition, she has the most beautiful and genuine smile Souko has ever seen.

All the colors of the sky, of the forest and of the meadow gets reflected in her long silver hair, and blue has never looked so joyful.

* * *

Note: The first time I read those chapters, I didn’t even realize that Soranome implied Souko died at the end until someone pointed it out, and I can’t stop thinking about how terribly sad it is. I suppose one could argue maybe Souko just moved at the end and that’s why she stopped coming, but it doesn’t seem likely with the way Soranome phrased it. At least with Reiko, there’s a chance she was loved and happy for a while with the grandfather and then with her daughter afterwards, even if she still ended up losing them at the end. But Souko never got that chance. I only take comfort with the idea she had a loving family who took care of her. (And yes, if anyone’s wondering, I decided she was raised by a single father as a parallel to Tanuma.) But it’s also terrible there seems to be some implications that if Reiko had stayed then Souko wouldn’t have died, given it seemed to be the youkai of the forest that amplified her illness (much like how Tanuma has gotten healthier since meeting Natsume).

I went back and forth about the idea of Souko cutting ties with her classmates in the aftermath of her losing Reiko, because that also felt a little mean to her, but I honestly think she wouldn’t have tolerated anyone speaking badly of Reiko and would feel guilty for listening to the rumors.

I want to try writing something else less sad about them, but truthfully I really love the tragedy of their story haha. Still, maybe I’ll give them a silly little happy ending one day.

[ladyloveandjustice]

Additions you may enjoy!

Souko Morinaga, Natsume's Book of Friends (subtext/implied)

Perfuma (She-ra, confirmed wlw by creator, heavily implied in show)

Anthy Himemiya (Revolutionary Girl Utena, canon, tending the flowers etc isn't necessarily a positive thing for her in this case, which is interesting, but flower and roses and gardening are a big part of her character)

Miorine Rembran (Mobile Suit Gundam: The Witch From Mercury, canon)

Alice and Hanako (Goodbye, My Rose Garden, they spend a lot of time in the garden at least, canon)

Tons of magical girls have sapphic undertones and flower or fruit associations, though keeping it to the person in question actually likes/tends plants, Cure Blossom and the rest from Heartcatch Precure stick out.

That's just off the top of my head, I can likely think of more later, anime generally has a lot of examples because of the yuri relation to lilies and roses in particular.

Why does no one else talk abt this trope??? Very niche but I’m literally obsessed with it

[courtesanofdeath]

There's a clearing here in the forest where pretty flowers bloom. Someday...

[masodemic]

Destroyed, I am destroyed. Midorikawa why don't you just gut me and step on my heart?

We finally get the origin of the Book of Friends and it's 100 times sadder than one can imagine. It wasn't born purely out of Reiko's desire to play around like little kid. It was Reiko's response to feeling abandoned and resigning herself to loneliness. When she retreats back to her safe space: being alone.

Now we know why she never called upon or came back to hang out with ayakashi whose names she took. Fear of vulnerability. Fear of abandonment. Acceptance of grief.

When she said: "It doesn't matter who I'm with because a pretty thing is pretty whether you are alone or with someone" 🥹🥹🥹

Maybe she did consider them friends. And maybe that's just how she thinks friends are.

[undistortedworld]

happy souko day!!!!! come and cry forever with me over the girls :')))

ID in alt text :)

[bee-calm]

Then; Natsume Reiko. Then; this fierce, unexplainable urge to earn the right of knowing her. To look her in the eye and say if I win this duel then you’ll tell me why you’re alone, to throw that stone and succeed.

cried over reiko and souko, finished the fic I’ve been working on for almost three years, cried a bit more. please enjoy!

[flaminhotllama]

[akabloom]

🌸🪻

[lunacias]

I've updated my shop with all new items! sorry for the very different fandoms... Stock is very limited for now - I will be tabling at Anime Las Vegas later this month (my first big event! :D) so I'm holding most of my stock in anticipation for the event.

That being said, I will be updating my shop with any leftovers once the con has ended so please look forward to it! Alternatively, I'll be more than happy to restock any items that have enough demand ✨

FIND MY SHOP HERE 🌷🌼🌻

[ladyloveandjustice]

Paper Flowers- A Natsume Yuujinchou Fanfic

It's a Souko x Reiko fic! It's about what happens when Souko and Reiko reunite later in life, when Reiko was raising a daughter all on her own. Some old feeling reawaken and Reiko, as usual, tries to push them away...

I know I haven't finished my other Souko fic yet, but when I started this one I couldn't stop it. I really enjoyed writing from Reiko's cynical perspective and it was really interesting to thing about what it might have been like for her to have a kid, when she's so guarded and so aware of all the dangerous yokai that could hurt them. So it's exploring that along with Souko and Reiko's relationship. I'm pretty fond of this, which is nice, since I usually have mixed feelings about fics I write!

I include some very short chapters 2, 3, and 4 which are supplemental to the main story, but are little additions I wanted to write.

Ao3 Link (also at the bottom)

Paper Flowers

Reiko didn’t do reunions.

Everyone left Reiko eventually, or she cut ties first to save both of them the hassle. And whether they were human or yokai, once they were gone, she made sure she never saw them again.

Until Souko forcibly, annoyingly, made herself an exception.

Reiko was heading back home after a trip to the pharmacy, her daughter in her arms and some eyedrops in her pocket. She’d figured out the best route through downtown to avoid any yokai, but she remained alert as she walked in the fading dusk.

Then, out of nowhere, she heard something screaming her name. Hurried footsteps pounded behind her, sending vibrations up the sidewalk. It had to be a yokai. Reiko spun around, swung her fist...and barely stopped herself from decking a random woman in the face.

The woman flinched, but she apparently had no sense of self preservation, because she didn’t run away. She just panted and stared at Reiko with wide, disbelieving eyes.

And then Reiko recognized her. She didn’t look exactly the same as when Reiko had met her, her face had more of a healthy flush, her gaze was less hesitant, she stood a little straighter…but her hair still fell in soft clouds, her lips were still the color of peaches, her eyes were still warm and gentle. It was Souko.

Reiko’s fist dropped to her side. She swallowed, feeling a weird swoop in her stomach. She couldn’t find her voice, it was dried up and stuck in her throat. So she looked away from Souko and adjusted Mari, who was whimpering a little. She’d transferred her daughter to one arm when she threw the punch, and her protective grip was a little too tight. She gently stroked Mari’s hair, and her child’s sniffles died down.

Suddenly, Souko burst into tears, babbling that she’d always wanted to apologize to Reiko for the awful things she said, that she’d been desperate to see her again, that she’d waited every day for months in that forest…

“Bullshit,” Reiko cut her off icily, rubbing soothing circles on Mari’s back. “I was the one who waited for you. You never came back.”

She didn’t know what Souko was getting out of this obvious lie, and she didn’t know where this cold anger inside her was coming from. The whole mess had happened so long ago, and she’d never blamed Souko for it before now. It was just another entry on the list of rejections, an inevitable result of who Reiko was. It wasn’t a big deal. Still, she wasn’t going to play along with whatever this was.

Souko blinked. “But…that can’t be.” Her brow furrowed and her lips pinched for a second. Then her eyes went wide. “How long did you wait? Was it two days?”

“Uh…yes.” Reiko mumbled, a little embarrassed to admit it. But how did Souko…?

“I was sick,” Souko said quickly. “I couldn’t even get up for two days. But I came out to our spot on the third day. And I waited every day for two months after that.”

They both stood in complete silence, Reiko’s brain slowly processing. Yokai did tend to make sickly people worse, and Souko had been surrounded by them…and she’d guessed Reiko had waited for two days, how could she know that unless she was telling the truth? And what would the point of lying about this?

Souko really had come back. It had been a misunderstanding. All of it.

She’d made the Book of Friends, spent her teenage years challenging yokai to games, based on a misunderstanding.

Reiko burst out laughing.

She laughed until tears streamed down her eyes, laughed so hard she was scaring Mari, but she couldn’t stop. And she saw Souko was doubled over too, and their laughter joined in a chorus.

Reiko finally calmed down long enough to see to Mari, rocking her child in her arms until her cries abated, though she was still breaking out in fits of random giggles. Souko was wiping her eyes with the heel of her hand. Lots of people walking down the street were giving them funny looks, but Reiko was used to that.

“That’s really…really stupid,” Reiko finally managed to say in a raspy voice.

“It is,” Souko agreed. She straightened up, smoothing down her hair. “Let me treat you to dinner. To make up for the world’s dumbest mix-up.”

Reiko raised an eyebrow, intrigued. Souko would never have been so bold in high school. And something about the way she was looking at Reiko made her heart beat a little faster.

Following that feeling was a bad idea though.

“Well, I have a kid to take care of, so…”

Souko smiled down at Mari, who, despite the fact she’d been wailing a moment ago, smiled back. “She can come too. We can eat at someplace casual.” Then Souko’s lips pressed together and her face stiffened.  “Oh, wait…I wasn’t trying to…well, I imagine you already have dinner plans, don’t you?”

With your husband was the unspoken assumption. Reiko kept her voice light. “No plans, no. It’s usually instant ramen for me and whatever I can scrape together for her.”

Souko’s mouth formed an “oh”. Time for her to turn away in disgust, and Reiko could get on with her day. But instead, she said, “Well, since you’re free, let me feed you. If that’s okay?”

Reiko should say no. She knew she should say no. But she was so curious know what Souko had been up to, why she was here in this town, if she still liked flowers. And she noticed how Souko’s eyes softened when she looked at Mari, and how Mari was making happy noises.

Maybe just for tonight. To make up for letting the yokai get her sick. For accidentally standing her up. Then they could close the book on this.

“Okay,” she said. “One dinner.”

Dinner was less awkward than expected. The conversation flowed weirdly naturally, like it hadn’t been years since they’d seen each other. Like Reiko was someone who even knew how to talk to people.

Souko explained she was going to a university nearby and had come to town to explore for the weekend. She was majoring in environmental science, she told Reiko shyly, tucking her hair behind her ear. It was something she’d done often as a teenager, and it hit Reiko that this really was Souko.

 Reiko wanted to ask Souko some other questions, but Souko steamrolled right over her, hitting her with a barrage. “Do you live in this town? Have you been here long? When did you leave Hitoyoshi? ”

“Slow down,” Reiko said, taking a bite of her curry. She had to bite back a grin too. The way Souko was practically vibrating with curiosity was kind of adorable. “I live here, it’s been about a month and I moved a while back, shortly after I had Mari.”

 Obviously, staying in Hitoyoshi had not been an option, not when she had so many yokai after her and so many assholes to deal with. Reiko had looked high and low for a town that didn’t have many yokai, and she’d settled on this one.

“She’s beautiful,” Souko said, smiling at Mari. The restaurant had given the kid one of those paper menus and some crayons, and she was scribbling happily on it.

 “She is,” Reiko said, unable to keep a touch of pride out of her voice. “It doesn’t really suit me, the whole mom thing.” She gestured at herself. “I’m not the type. But she’d turned out great somehow.”

Reiko had honestly been terrified about bringing Mari into a world with so many dangers. She’d considered getting rid of the pregnancy at first. She didn’t want her child to go through the same things she did. She didn’t want to be responsible for a little life, one that could be so easily snuffed out, one that would constantly be in peril just by virtue of having Reiko as a mother. She didn’t want to fail Mari the way she’d been failed, hurt her the way she’d been hurt.

 But in the end, she’d decided she could face it with him by her side. And now that he was gone, all she had left of him was in Mari, a child so much more than the sum of their parts, someone so unique and beautiful and miraculous.

She could have made a different choice. Maybe it was unfair she'd saddled Mari with this one. But Reiko knew she'd do anything to protect her now. She’d do anything to give her a better life.

“I think you’re the type,” Souko said, interrupting her train of thought. When Reiko looked at her, she quickly looked away, tugging on her earlobe nervously, It was very unfair that even Souko’s ears were pretty, so delicate and petal-like. “When we were younger, you were always so patient, kind, protective…it’s not like a “mom” has to be one type anyway. And I know she’s turning out great because of you.”

 Why was Reiko’s throat tightening? Souko was just flattering her. She kept her voice light. “Oh no, it’s nothing like that. It’s just who she is. She doesn’t take after me at all.”

And Reiko was grateful for that every day. Mari had so little in common with her. She was sweet and well behaved, her eyes were a warm brown with no strange slit pupils that would invite mockery from other children, and most importantly, Reiko was almost completely certain Mari couldn’t see yokai. When an oni had stared creepily at her while she was playing in the park, Mari had just kept happily running around while Reiko intimidated it into leaving. She’d been completely unbothered by the creature with the chalky skin, stringy hair, and blackened fangs that had lurked in their previous home before Reiko exorcised it. No matter what the yokai did, Mari just never reacted, her eyes never followed them, and fear never touched her. Reiko had almost cried in happiness when she realized.

As far as Reiko knew, people who had the sight usually had it from birth, so she was very hopeful Mari would never develop it. She hoped this meant the curse would stop with her. That Mari would be able to live a normal, happy life and that if Mari had children, they would be able to live normally, and so would her children’s children…

It was more likely that the sight had skipped a generation, though. It had with Reiko’s father. If Mari had a kid, they’d probably be screwed. But, at the very least, Reiko could teach her daughter to accept people who saw yokai. She could spare her potential grandchild a little suffering that way.

  “I see you in her though. She’s got that look in her eye. Like she could take on the world.” Souko seemed entranced with Mari and Mari didn’t shy away from her gaze. She lifted her menu up and said “Flower!” pointing to an incomprehensible scribble.

“It is!” Souko said, clapping her hands as if Mari had presented her with the Mona Lisa.

“I like flower,” Mari said proudly.

 “I can make you another one! Do you want a flower?” Souko said with a sly smile.

“Yes!” Mari squeaked, nodding her head.

 Souko grabbed a napkin and started folding it quickly, her fingers moving impossibly fast. Then she presented the origami flower to Mari.

The kid's little face when slack with awe. She took the paper flower with her chubby hands, surprisingly careful as she held it.

The joy on Mari’s face warmed Reiko, and she laughed. “Wow. She usually isn't a fan of new people, but I guess you're the exception.”

She smirked, cupping her chin in her hands and studying the faint dusting of freckles on Souko's nose. “So you still like flowers?”

That field of blue flashed in her mind’s eye, and unfulfilled desire flickered.

A silky lank of hair fell over Souko’s eye as she grinned at Reiko. “Yes. I can’t garden while living on-campus, though.” Her smile turned to a frown.

 “An elite school like that doesn't have a garden? Must be hard,” Reiko replied, her words coming out sharper than she’d meant them. Souko flinched.

Great, now things were awkward and annoying. For some reason, she felt the need to smooth it over. “I bet you’re doing great over there, though. You were always smart.”

 “You are too,” Souko said softly.

“Yeah?” Reiko couldn’t hide the irritation in her voice. “Where’d you get that one? I know I’m not as smart as you, so you don’t need to pretend that I am.”

“You beat me at kakuro,” Souko said, sounding slightly pissed off herself. “And shiratori. And crosswords—"

 “Those aren’t real skills,” Reiko snapped.

“Japanese and Math aren’t real skills? That’s exactly the kind of thing that gets you into a university—”

“Do I look like someone who can go to university?” Reiko snapped.

 Souko paled, ducking her head and twisting her shirt in her hands. “Sorry.”

Reiko bit the inside of her cheek. What was she doing? She was usually so good at remaining calm and impassive, but Souko was just…bringing all this emotion out in her.

She laughed, trying to soothe Souko, but it just sounded harsh and cold. “I’m more suited to working. I’ve got a munchkin to take care of, after all.” Mari was still scribbling away, Souko’s flower on her lap.

“What kind of work?” Souko asked and Reiko could tell she was making an effort to keep her voice steady.

“Odd jobs, mostly. I work as a waitress part time, I do some yard work for random old people, some repair work, that kind of thing.”

To her surprise, Souko snickered, her face gaining some color again.

“What?”

“I want to see you as a waitress.”

“I’m not bad at it, if that’s what you’re hoping for. The boss tells me I have a great customer service smile.”

“You do,” Souko agreed, and Reiko wanted to get irritated at the subtle call out of her fake smile, but the playful real one on Souko’s face mollified her. “I just know you'd be...I mean, I think it'd be cute.”

Souko looked up through her eyelashes at Reiko, ears pink, her tongue slowly skimming her teeth.

Reiko was socially inept , but she wasn’t oblivious. She recognized the way Souko had been looking at her this whole meal. He’d looked at Reiko like that too, once upon a time. Souko’s gaze was blissful and rapt. She’d catch herself when she stared too long, blinking quickly and biting her lip. Sometimes she glanced like what whatever she was seeing was too blinding to look at.

And Reiko found she didn’t mind. That Souko’s gaze made her shiver. That it made a hunger she didn’t know she still had roil inside her.

“Are you checking me out, Souko?” she teased.

Souko paled. She slammed herself back against the booth, startling Mari. Her mouth opened and closed worldlessly, her eyes wild.

Ah, right, Souko’d probably had some bad experiences with girls who’d noticed she was checking them out. She wasn’t a social pariah, like Reiko. Being hated and threatened wasn’t the default. She had something to lose.

 “Because I think that means I’m allowed to check you out back.” Reiko gave her best mischievous smile, eyes traveling down Souko, drinking in her sunkissed skin, the graceful curve of her neck, the way her chest was heaving…

Souko’s lips parted slightly. Then they curved into a devilish grin. She leaned forward.

“You know,” she whispered, her breath tickling Reiko's ear. “I still like games, Reiko. And there’s this one I always win.”

Heat shot up Reiko’s neck.

Oh, what the hell. Just for tonight.

 And that was how what was supposed to be one dinner had ended with Souko and Reiko panting and naked on the floor of her shitty apartment, while Mari slept in the other room.

“Wow,” Reiko said, laying back on the futon. She was sweaty, ecstatic and utterly spent. “You’re really good at this.”

 “You don’t have to sound so surprised,” Souko snorted.

“How was I supposed to know you were so talented?” Reiko laughed. "I probably wasn’t any good though. It was my first time with a woman.”

“It’s not talent, it’s experience,” Souko said with an eye roll.

“Oh, is it now? I see college is very educational.”

 “Shut up,” Souko giggled, swatting at her arm. “Anyway, you were great for your first time.”

Reiko kept her grin fixed on, ignoring the weird twinge inside her. It wasn’t jealousy really…but she knew those college girls must have offered Souko something better than sex on the floor of a dingy apartment with peeling wallpaper and a weird sour smell. Souko could make love to those girls without worrying about waking a toddler, or enduring the sounds of a drunken shouting match next door. Souko could walk side by side with those girls with her head held high, because those girls had a future.

Snap out of it. So what? Who cares?

Reiko and Souko had gotten it out of their systems now. It had been fun. Probably way more fun for Reiko than Souko, but she’d still touched Reiko with a tenderness Reiko hadn’t felt since…well, in a while. She’d thought she’d never feel that again, but she had, and that was something to be grateful for. Now Souko could go back to those college girls, and Reiko would go back to her life. They could both move on and nobody would get hurt.

But then Souko interrupted her thoughts. “If you want to, um, refine your skills though, I’m happy to help you practice. Anytime.” She was twirling her fluffy hair around her finger, eyes lowered, her face glowing like the setting sun.

What the hell? Why would Souko want more mediocre sex with a poor single mom? What was wrong with her? Well, she’d always been kind. The kind of sap who probably still felt lingering guilt over that ancient comment. She was just pitying her.

 Reiko’s fingers dug into the covers, her mouth pressed in a hard line. This had been a mistake. She’d known that from the beginning, and she’d still done it, like a naïve idiot. What was she, a kid?

“It’s late,” she snapped. “Since the trains aren’t running, you’re welcome to spend the night here. I have to leave for work pretty early in the morning. I won’t wake you, but Mari probably will. But if you want to sleep in, I’ll just leave the key on the counter. Lock the door behind you and put it under the plant when you leave.”

 She laid down and pulled up her covers, her back to Souko. She closed her eyes, glad she couldn’t see her face. There was a long silence.

Then Souko spoke in an emotionless voice. “I can leave when you leave, I’m a pretty early riser. Thanks for letting me stay over.”

“Yeah. Good night.”

“Good night.”

 The futon barely had enough room for two, so Reiko had to ignore the heat of Souko’s body pressed against hers, ignore how it made her heart race.

 This is for the best. It’s good to end it now. Because if she didn’t, Souko would eventually see the real Reiko and be disappointed and scared and disgusted. No, instead of wasting Souko’s time, Reiko would say goodbye on her own terms, just like she always did.

The ring of Reiko’s alarm clock woke her up. She yawned, feeling empty and achey and like she’d barely slept. Then, with a jolt, she realized Mari hadn’t woken her up. She bolted upright. Was something wrong, was she—

 But no, Mari was at the low table, wiggling and giggling as Souko made airplane noises, ready to crash-land a spoonful of miso soup inside Mari’s mouth.

 “…Hey,” Reiko said, not quite knowing how to react to this.

 Souko gave Reiko a sheepish look. “Sorry, I might have overstepped. I wanted to leave some breakfast for you, as thanks for letting me stay.” She gestured at the little meal of miso soup, rice and tofu on the other side of the low table. “Then she woke up and started fussing, and you were sleeping pretty deeply., so I thought I’d let her have breakfast with me. Sorry.”

 “It’s fine,” Reiko said tightly. She ran her fingers through the mess of her hair. Mari was bouncing up and down, enamored with Souko as always.

“You know,” Reiko muttered. “I’ve never seen Mari like someone this much other than…” Other than her dad. There was stab in her chest, a feeling she didn’t have time for. Souko had no right to remind her of these things. No right.

She silently got up and got ready for work. Once she was dressed, she shuffled out of the closet sized bathroom and found Souko putting her coat on while Mari happily shoved handfuls of rice into her gullet.

“Thanks for the breakfast,” Reiko said, realizing she’d forgotten to say it before, and feeling kind of shitty about that. “Uh, do you need to be walked to the bus or—”

Souko smiled stiffly at her. “I’m fine.” She was clutching her hat in her hands, her knuckles white. “Reiko. I know I shouldn’t ask…but did I do something to hurt you?”

"What? No.”

“It’s just, you seemed upset last night.”

 “I wasn’t.” Reiko looked away.

  “So then why does it seem like you want me out of here as quickly as possible?”

Reiko jolted, jerking her head back towards Souko. Souko’s hands were shaking, but her jaw was jutting out, full of detemination.

Wow, she did not mince words. It shouldn’t surprise Reiko so much though, even when they were teenagers, Souko had those moments where she was weirdly direct. The way she’d grabbed Reiko’s arm and asked her name. The way she’d challenged her to a game.

“It wasn’t anything you did. I just…I just need this to be a one -time thing.”

 “If you’re saying you don’t want me that way, it’s fine. I’m not offended, and we could still be friends if you—”

“It’s not that!” Reiko’s raised voice made Mari’s lip tremble, so she quickly lowered it again. “Souko, nothing’s changed since high school. I’m still violent and scary and strange, just like you and everyone else said. If any of your little college friends see you with the ratty, crazy single mom, they’ll think badly of you. Hell, your teachers will too. You don’t need to ruin your reputation because you feel guilty or something. I’ve never wanted anyone’s pity. I have Mari, and I like being on my own. I don’t need anything else. So just…go back to your fancy school where you belong.”

Souko just stared at her. Reiko was kind of horrified all of that had poured out of her mouth, but she refused to let her embarrassment show. She kept her ever reliable bland smile fixed on her face.

When Souko spoke, her voice was rough, like someone had taken a scrub-brush to her throat. “I’ve been in love with you we were kids, Reiko. I fell for you that first day we met. And I’ve never stopped thinking of you, never stopped hoping I could see you again.”

Reiko's breath hitched. She went very, very still.

“I went to Hitoyoshi to look for you once. I was that desperate to say sorry for hurting you. I asked around, and this girl started saying these awful things about you, even said she’d put some tacks in your school shoes once…and I just…lost it. I screamed at her. I slapped her. And of course I had to run like hell after that!" Souko shook her head, chuckling. "I nearly keeled over…but it felt amazing. I’d never let myself be truly angry at someone before, I’d always swallowed my all my feelings and tried to be good. But after that day, I decided to stop caring about what other people thought. You gave that to me, Reiko. So it doesn’t matter to me what anyone says about us."

She looked at Reiko fiercely, and all Reiko could do was stare back, the smile sliding off her face.

And I don't pity you," Souko went on. " I never did. All I think when I look at you now is... if I’m not careful, I might fall for you all over again.”

Reiko's just stood there, her tongue like glue, thick and useless in her mouth. Her chest was squeezing so tight that it might cave in.

Souko waited a few seconds for a reply, and then sighed. “It’s your choice to whether believe me, and it’s your choice if you want to end this. But. If you change your mind…” Souko took her steady gaze off Reiko and fiddled with the buttons of her coat. “I’m planning to study at Chestnut Park a couple blocks from here.  I like to sit under the tree by the tulips. So if you want to give us a chance, or even just be friends, come any time from eight to six. If you don’t, I won’t be upset. It’s just an offer.”

Souko put her hand on the doorknob, then froze. “Oh, but if I’m not there, it’s because I’m very sick or dead or something like that, so do not assume I stood you up.

She opened the door, made to step out, but then she froze up again. “Oh, but in case I do get sick or get hit by a car…” She took a notepad and pen out of her coat pocket, scribbled something down, and slammed a paper on the table. “There. You can call my college dorm if you want, the RA will patch me through. Oh! Another thing! Don’t leave immediately if I’m not there, wait a few minutes! I could be in the bathroom. Right, that should cover it.”

Reiko just watched her as she opened the door again, wondering if she was going to stop again, but she didn’t. She waved at Mari. “Goodbye, Mari! I loved playing with you!”

“Bye Souko!!!” Mari called back, waving, and the door clicked closed.

 Reiko gasped softly. She had only ever heard Mari say her name. She’d never even said the name of the landlady who babysat her while Reiko was at work in exchange for a little extra rent. But after knowing Souko for one day, Mari had learned hers. The woman was magic or something.

Whatever. Mari would forget her soon enough. All of those things Souko had said, they didn’t matter. Nothing good would happen to Souko if she got tangled up in Reiko’s life. There weren’t as many yokai here as there’d been in Hitoyoshi, but it still wasn’t safe to be around Reiko. She couldn’t protect both Souko and Mari. Souko would get caught up in something, she’d see that Natsume Reiko. And then she’d leave, just like everyone else.

It was best to keep Souko a nice memory. Just another name she could think of fondly.

I thought of you every day.

Reiko glanced at her tiny closet, where she’d boxed up the Book and buried it in a pile of junk.

I thought of her every day too, didn’t I. I’ve carried her with me for so long. It was her name I wanted to keep, hers I wished I was bound to. All this time.

She shook her head. It didn’t matter. These were useless thoughts.

She picked up the piece of paper with the number on it, crumpling it. She wrenched the cabinet with the trash can open, ready to throw it away.

Mari let out a wail, nearly giving her a heart attack.

“What’s wrong?”

Mari was holding a torn origami flower with her messy little hand. It was the one Souko had made. “Broke it…broke it…” She wailed louder. “Souko!!! Souko!!!”

Reiko looked back at her hand clutching the paper. She thought, again, of the flowers she never got to show Souko. Then she sighed, and put the paper in her pocket, and went to see to Mari.

***

Sunlight dappled the woman sitting under the tree, giving her a golden glow. She read her book, hair falling in soft waves over her face, covering one eye. As she tucked the hair back into place again, a shadow fell over her. She looked up.

“Mari tore her flower. She wants you to make her a new one.”

Souko’s face split in a huge smile. “I will. I can make you one too?”

Reiko sighed and flopped down beside Souko, holding her squirming daughter in her lap. “Go ahead. You win this one."

***

Sometime later, Reiko asked Souko to teach her about origami. Then she found some blue paper and made Souko her own flower.

“Like your name,” she murmured.

 Souko kissed her deeply.

Chapter 2

“What the hell are you doing here?”

Souko looked up from her menu, eyes twinkling playfully. “Is that any way to treat a customer?”

“Shut up.” Reiko groaned, tugging at the dumb little black bow tie they forced her to wear. “Why are you here.”

“I heard a really cute waitress works here. I wanted to check her out.” Souko put her chin in her hands, observing Reiko appreciatively.

“I’m spitting in your food.”

“Promise?”

My God. What happened to that prim and proper girl I found in the woods.

But Reiko couldn't help but smile a little as she turned on her heel and marched away.

Chapter 3

She knew one day she’d have to chase off a yokai in front of Souko, and she knew that was the day that Souko would leave her.

When the time came, they were in the park under their usual tree, and Souko had Mari perched on her lap. She was reading to her, and her voice was so soothing that Reiko's eyes had drifted closed. Tired from a late shift, she was almost nodding off.

Then she heard something rustle and a strange prickle went down her neck. She snapped her eyes open, and spotted the source of her unease immediately.

It was some kind of bakeneko, and it was licking its chops as it crept closer and closer to her girlfriend and her daughter.

“HEY.” Reiko called loudly, making Souko and Mari jump. The bakeneko snarled, its tail puffing up. Before it could choose fight or flight, Reiko was upon it. The bakeneko lunged forward, swiping its claws, but Reiko grabbed it by the scruff of its neck, lifting it in the air.

“Bad kitty. They’re mine, not yours.”

The bakeneko immediately seemed to realize it was outmatched. It froze, ears flat, watching her warily. She should beat it up, she knew she should. In the old days, she would have challenged it to a match and bound its name in the Book of Friends, ensuring it could never hurt Souko and Mari.

But she couldn't use the Book of Friends anymore. In Hitoyoshi, yokai had started constantly coming after her, trying to seize the Book, and steal its power. This hadn't been a big deal when she was on her own, but now she had Mari to protect. Now even someone like her couldn't throw away her life so easily.  So she'd left Hitoyoshi, and vowed to keep it hidden away, out of any yokai's sight and never open it again.

On top of that, well...she kind of liked cats. It was an embarrassing weakness.

So she found herself saying, “I’ll leave some food out here for you if you promise not to eat any people.”

The cat stared at her for a second. “It has to be salmon or no deal,” it said in a scratchy voice.

God, it’s like talking to Madara. “Fine. I’ll give you salmon and I won’t kill you. You’re not getting anything better than that. Now, do you promise?

  “I promise.”

 Cat yokai were weirdly good about honoring their oaths, so she let it go. It slunk away into the bushes.

Then she turned back and saw Souko watching her, face tense. Resignation settled over Reiko. It had been wonderful while it lasted, but she knew it was over now.

 “I’ll pick up some salmon tonight, I guess?” Souko said.

  “Uh…” Reiko stared at Souko, suddenly feeling light headed. What was going on? She wasn’t even going to ask her about why she was talking to thin air?

That did sort of match up with what Reiko knew of Souko. She didn’t like to push people. But this? This was way too laid back. She didn’t know what to do. Should she say something? Should she come up with a lie? She just stood there, dizzy and useless.

“Thanks, by the way,” Souko said, tucking her hair behind her ear and lowering her eyes. “For now...and back then in the forest too.”

Static filled Reiko's brain, flooding her vision, buzzing in her ears.

What did Souko know? What did she think she knew? Had she pieced together some rumors when she was searching for Reiko as a teenager and figured it out? Souko was normal, though. Why wasn’t she frightened?

She stood there, dizzy and useless, her mind torn between a million options.  She should lie. She should leave. She should tell Souko to leave. She should say something, anything.

Souko stood up, setting her book and Mari gently on the ground. She walked toward Reiko carefully, like she was trying not to startle a skittish animal. Reiko flinched back. She wanted to run. She wanted grab Mari and run far, far away.

“Reiko, it’s okay,” Souko said, holding her hands up as if to show she wasn’t a threat. “I don’t need to know. You don’t have to tell me if you don’t want to. I just want to be with you.”

She reached out and took Reiko’s shaking hands in hers. How are you real? Reiko wondered to herself.

 “We can act like it didn’t happen for as long as you need,” Souko murmured, rubbing gentle circles on Reiko's hand with her thumb. “Just…please. Please stay.”

And inexplicably, Reiko did just that.

Chapter 4

Souko had gotten Mari hooked on gardening. The landlady had allowed them to start a community garden on the property, and Souko had filled it up with colorful blooms in no time. Mari was ecstatic about it. She squealed when Souko tucked flowers into her dark hair, and adored any flower crowns Souko made her, wearing them like a tiny queen. She even tried to make one for Souko, with fairly disastrous results, but Souko had worn the mess proudly all the same. The little girl would quietly watch Souko putter around the soil for surprisingly long stretches of time.

Mari was going to take after Souko more than her, Reiko knew it. She was already showing a gentleness, a joy and a love for the world that Reiko could never muster.

Reiko liked to picture Mari growing up and having her own garden, maybe showing it to her own kids. She liked to imagine Souko’s kindness being passed down the generations, planted in the soil of each new garden, growing into something vibrant and strong.

Reiko started buying seeds for Souko and Mari with what little money she could spare. And one day, she saw something on one of the little packages. Her breath hitched. She picked up the packet like it was something fragile and precious.

“I want to help you grow this one,” she told Souko when she got home that night, angling the packet picture away from her. Souko’s whole face lit up.

Reiko wasn't quite as patient as Souko, but she did her best to water and tend to the plant dutifully alongside her girlfriend.

And when the trembling little bud finally, finally poked its head out of the soil, Souko squealed and hugged Reiko close.

"Just like the paper one you gave me!"

"I can't resist anything that's your color," Reiko said, kissing Souko on the cheek.

***

And then, when Reiko checked one morning and it was in full bloom, she called for excitedly for Souko to come.

“It’s beautiful,” Souko breathed, squatting down beside Reiko to see the azure petals up close.

“There was a whole field of these, near the woods where we met. I never got to show you. A couple of flowers can’t compare, but—”

Souko shook her head, her eyes bright and wet. “I think this is better.” She wiped her tears. “Because we grew it together. It’s ours.”

Mari, who’d been playing in the dirt nearby, toddled up to garden. “Pretty!” she pointed at the flowers.

Reiko held out her hand, and Souko took it.

She’d been wrong all these years ago. It was so much better when you looked at beautiful things with people you loved.

---

And there we go! My idea for this is it's up to the reader to decide if it's an au where Reiko lives (or at the very least Souko is around for both Natsume's Mom (named Mari by me) and Natsume) or you can decide it's canon compliant and they broke up or something happened.

I originally was going to write the scenario for the break up, and then an epilogue where they got back together, and an epilogue where they didn't and canon happened. But I might not do that now, because I like how this turned out. We'll see! I might add some new vignettes later, it's just fun writing this. I hope you enjoy it like I did.

[reittu]

"It's probably the path Natori-san gave up on. The one Reiko-san wanted to follow, but couldn't."

Ever since the Omibashira arc I've wanted to know what those turning points were for Natori and Reiko that made them abandon attempts to connect with others. It's great to finally see what must be that for Reiko. (Will we ever get Natori's?)

The whole thing with Souko must've made Reiko ultimately close up. (She did meet Natsume's grandpa, but were they close? Was there love? Reiko died alone anyway.)

The first time, probably, that Reiko had something akin to a friend, the first time she allowed herself a sliver of trust and hope that maybe, just maybe, someone could like her the way she was. And, because of all that, it couldn't have been anything but the last, after Souko didn't show up again. It didn't have to take much at all to convince Reiko that she was unwanted, and that any hope was vain.

Another insight gently pointed out by Midorikawa - how people traumatised by isolation and ostracism, people with trust issues, are quick to make conclusions in favour of their mistrust, creating self-fulfilling prophecies. Had Reiko waited just a little longer, she would've met Souko again...

Not to give up on friends so easily; to give them second chances; not to leave without hearing each other out.

Reiko left, and chased the phantom warmth of her playtime with Souko by duelling with youkai.

(Now I see a parallel with Natori there, who cut others off and became an actor for the cheap thrill of adoration.)

[tanumaskoipond]

can u pls tell me more abt the doomed yuri..... i don't care abt spoilers btw ^^

YAY. hi cor! thanks for enabling me i am happy to tell you abt the doomed yuri in natsume’s book of friends ^_^ this will be so long i am so sorry. under the cut because it is long 😭

so it’s a story between natsume reiko (the main character’s late grandmother) and a girl named morinaga souko. natsume takashi (the main character) hears this story through a youkai (a spirit/monster) named soranome, who can sometimes hear the thoughts of others, and was witness to this whole story.

reiko is like her grandson in that she’s the subject of many mean rumours due to her ability to see youkai, which others usually can’t see, and so she often spends her free time away from towns and in the woods to avoid other people. souko has just moved to a nearby town to convalesce, and she goes to sit in the woods and read (the anime has her reading the little mermaid, classic gay allegory fairytale) to hopefully avoid the worries of her family for a short while. it’s there she meets reiko, who initially is fairly cold towards her. souko is intrigued by her, and keeps returning to where they met in the hopes of seeing her again. she introduces herself to reiko, and asks reiko for her name.

reiko initially doesn’t want to give her her name, and so souko suggests a game: if reiko wins, she’ll give reiko a piece of candy and reiko can remain secretive about her name. if souko wins, reiko has to tell her her name. reiko wins, and she gets the candy.

they meet every day, and they keep playing different games as souko tries to get reiko’s name. she loses every time. they talk, too. souko mentions that she’s planting a garden, and she wants reiko to see it. reiko begins to tell her of a beautiful field of blue flowers nearby in the woods, but cuts herself off and keeps it to herself.

one day, souko is talking with reiko. she mentions how a classmate told her of a “violent, unsettling girl” in a nearby town named natsume reiko, and she (unknowingly) warns reiko to be safe from herself, since she knows she lives in that town. reiko decides she’ll tell her her name then, but she says souko’s name for the first time, and souko gets so excited that she cuts her off. reiko doesn’t tell her her name.

another day, souko suggests that they should play the first game they played, and souko finally beats reiko. she’s been practicing every single day after reiko leaves. reiko tells souko her name, right as a youkai sneaks up on them. reiko yells at the youkai to leave, and, at souko’s startled face, she backtracks a little and tells souko to go home.

for the next two days, reiko shows up where they usually meet, and souko isn’t there. reiko considers this par for the course for her life, and gives up. she assumes souko must be put off by the rumours, and doesn’t want to be around her. she invites the youkai, soranome, who was witnessing this entire thing go down, with her to see the flower field she once wanted to show souko. when she’s asked if it’s really okay that she’s showing him instead of souko, she replies that it doesn’t matter who she’s with. if it’s beautiful, it’s beautiful no matter what. she then challenges soranome to a game, and if he loses, he has to give reiko his name, written on a slip of paper. he loses, and his name becomes the first name bound in the “book of friends,” which effectively makes him subject to her every whim. but reiko leaves, and never comes back to that forest, and she never calls his name for anything.

the next day, souko shows up. she had been sick due to the rain and presence of youkai, and couldn’t make her way to their usual spot. she waits every single day for reiko, but reiko never returns. soranome, who she can’t see, waits with her. but by the time it’s winter, souko… (did she die? give up? we don’t know, but they never see each other again.) (it is, i think, suggested that she dies of her sickness. her surname, morinaga, means “to wait/keep a promise forever,” so i think she kept waiting until her death)

soranome, when he tells this story to natsume takashi, tells him outright that souko loved reiko (soranome read her mind), and she wanted more than anything to be able to call each other by name. (he also calls these her “most secret thoughts”)

natsume takashi thanks him for telling him this story, and offers soranome’s name back to him. when he returns his name (freeing him from the servitude of the book of friends) he sees reiko’s dream that she had when she was sleeping next to soranome in the field of flowers: souko calling reiko’s name, and their hands are outstretched towards each other.

[treecakes]

blue character bracket and miss morinaga souko wins by default!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[aladris21]

If I win, could you tell me your name?

Chapters 88 and 89 have to be some of the saddest in this whole series.