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gndr-reading-responses-1-10 · 1 year ago

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GNDR Reading Responses

1. ) HEALTHY AND DISEASED BODIES

I oppose the debate over, whether healthcare should be a right or a privilege. The reason is I think the answer should be obvious. Healthcare should be a right, not a privilege because if you’re poor in America, you’re screwed for how much healthcare is here. There are many videos where people in Eastern Nations or just people who live somewhere with universal healthcare, judge America for how expensive healthcare is: they are shocked by the fact. This chapter also dives into illness and disability. People with illnesses and disabilities tend to be overlooked because they don’t fit the description of what a “normal body” should look like. This social construct is sickening to me. People with disabilities have accomplished great things. For example, Matt Klotz is an Olympic swimmer. Matt was born deaf, even with a disability he’s still accomplishing greater things than the average person. I’ve noticed that if people with disabilities are noticed they tend to be looked down upon, hated, or pitied. But why? My little brother has autism and I will be damned to let anything happen to him. A childhood bully in my grade would target my little brother, and what did I do? I made sure he didn’t talk about my brother ever again so I beat his ass (excuse my French). Imagine being hated by people for something you have no control over. I deem people with disabilities no less human than I am. I wish everyone had this mindset but unfortunately, that is not the case. However, my family is a special case. We knew my little brother was going to have autism even before he was out of the womb, yet we still wanted him. My parents are very religious and in Christian beliefs, those who are disabled are imperfect and are cast aside. My parents realized this belief was nonsense. We love Preston unconditionally.

2.) AGING BODIES

Oh, where do I begin with this one? Let’s start with feminine beauty in comparison to masculine appearance. So, for women, they have to look young. I mean looking young makes you more attractive so why do we have this standard for women but not men? Many products alter a woman’s appearance like makeup. That is a big one—or even skin care. I see women hold themselves to high standards regarding their appearance. Sure it is nice to look nice - to present yourself in the best way possible. However, this mindset can also be damaging. Our body has natural responses due to hormone fluctuation. These responses can cause acne, pimples, and blackheads. I have gal friends who freak out when they notice something as minor as a singular pimple. This pimple would also be very unnoticeable unless someone were to point it out. They hyper-fixate on small things that could make their appearance “imperfect.” As men, we don’t worry about it. We simply have them and do not have a second thought about it. We can blame these social constructs revolving around women. In the modeling agency, they must present no wrinkles. Every model is young and skinny or puts makeup on to make the model look younger. It doesn’t stop there, even when you see models on billboards, posters, etc. If you were to look close enough you’ll see that the appearance of these women is modified by modeling agents. This is why women have these high standards for themselves. Males don’t have the same struggle because they don’t have these standards. For movies, the actress tends to be younger to fill in the role of an older person. For example, Mila Kunis was 16 substituting in a 18 year old role. Whereas every guy there was older than the actual age of their character.

3.) REPRODUCING BODIES

This chapter is mainly about women reproducing and what they experience in different cultures, what rights they have, and also how men and societal norms affect the reproducing body. I want to talk about how women who reproduce in America experience menopause differently than women who reproduce in Japan. Here menopause is an issue for women. I thought this was an issue every woman experiences after childbirth, but I now see that it is not the case. In American culture, we view menopause as a scary thing for older women. We view it as a dangerous thing, so as soon as women stop menstruating they undergo hormone replacement therapy. In Japan, women experience hot flashes much less frequently. The severity of their hot flashes is also relatively low. Menopause is embodied as a biological and cultural blessing. Which is why women there are not medicalized for menopause. I find this fact very interesting because I grew up in a place where menopause is a common issue people face, so I assumed it happened everywhere.The book mentions that reproductive rights are more controlled by institutions and men rather than women themselves. I know this part is true. For example, some hospitals don’t give out birth control because they don’t want to and the right to an abortion varies by state. Since the beginning of time, it has been a societal norm that women should only have sex for the sole purpose of reproducing. Having an abortion is strictly forbidden. However, for men, they can sleep with whoever they want and get praise. The double standard is that women should save themselves for marriage and men can go around sleeping with whoever they want. How is this fair? If a son were to sleep with a girl, the dad usually is proud of the son, however, if the daughter were to sleep with a boy, the dad would get mad at the daughter. We should put restrictions on boys too.

4.) RACIALIZED AND COLONIZED BODIES

Racism has been an issue for as long as anyone can remember. A big event in history is the Atlantic Slave Trade. During this time the Spanish were invading the thirteen colonies spreading the three G’s known as God, Glory, and Gold. During this time, those who were white took over other cultures and land imprinting their norms upon those people, and then enslaved them. In the Bible, a section describes the roles of white people and those of color. It said that white people were fallen angels who needed to spread God’s word and people of color have risen devils that require cleansing. Following this ideology is how religion influenced racism. After the Civil War in America, slavery was abolished. We were either the 14th or 16th major country that abolished slavery. Even with slavery abolished, racism was still a very big problem because everything was segregated. Segregation is essentially discrimination by actively separating a group of people from others. From segregated bathrooms to segregated schools. Those who were white would not interact with those of color. People of color were also placed in designated areas of every town and white people had the right to have a home anywhere else. These areas would typically be very poor. The reasoning behind this was to closely monitor their actions. It was believed that those of color commit more crimes such as robbery, drug use, and murder. People of color would also get paid less than white people so making a living was significantly harder. Along with police brutality where white people can get away with more crimes than black people. These are issues we still face today. Although these problems are reoccurring, we are slowly going in the right direction. More people are aware and speak out about this issue.

5.) GENDERED BODIES

In today’s world, society has placed a set of rules and regulations based on gender. Still to this day, society thinks that gender and sex are the same thing when they are indeed not. However, I do understand why there is confusion. I don’t blame those who don’t understand because when it comes to gender, people like to make things up. So for example, being sexually attracted to inanimate objects is considered a “gender” to some people. I wish I was making this up but I am not. How are people supposed to believe about the importance of gender when they hear stories like that? Also, from my experience of education, there are three different views of sex and gender. Biology says that sex and gender are the same thing and that there are only two genders. Psychology taught me that sex and gender aren’t the same thing but there are only two genders except for non-binary and transgender. Sociologists say that gender and sex are not the same thing and that gender is a spectrum. If three different views are being taught then how can everyone come to the same conclusion? Anyway, the reason why people identify as something other than male or female is because they don’t like society’s expectations for their gender. For example, the man is typically the one who mows the lawn whereas the woman is in the kitchen making dinner. This is an example of many. So those who feel like they don’t fit society’s description of a male or female, feel like they need to form a label for themselves. This society also determines how you should look based on your gender. For example, women should have this “hourglass” figure. Seeing how society claims what you can or should be with your identity and body is why gender classification is important. Because not everyone wants to fulfill these standards rather than be themselves.

6.) SEXUALIZED BODIES

Going back to my “gendered bodies” response - I mentioned that a standard for women is this “hourglass” body figure. In class, we talked about Barbie representing what a woman should look like according to society’s standards. This body type is very unrealistic. It makes you think, what unrealistic body standard is placed on men? Shocker, it is nothing. Men have no shackles weighing them down. If a man is fat, he may have less respect but it’s fine that he is fat. If a woman is fat she gets called a whale. If a man has a dad body, society accepts that. If a woman has a little fat on her, she is told to lose more weight. If a man is nothing but muscle he is respected whereas if a woman is nothing but muscle it is not natural. Diving into the topic of intersex, many people don’t realize this is a thing. People think that there are only two sexes. Intersex is where an individual is born with both male and female body parts. When an intersex child is born, it is the doctors who determine its sex and gender. Later, this child will undergo surgeries to make it strictly male or female. Some people are aware of the existence of intersex but identify it as a disorder or a deficiency. Well, it’s neither one of those. If you call it a disorder, you’re implying that this condition affects their everyday life. Some studies prove that intersex doesn’t negatively affect bodily functions, though it may be a little different. A deficiency implies this is a shortcoming when it is not. The individual may experience a lack of testosterone but that can be treated. Intersex is very rare, but because is rare, it shouldn’t be looked down upon, it just makes the individual unique.

7.) CLASSED BODIES

It’s hard to believe that body types are also indicators of class. I know what you’re thinking, how could body types be indicators of class? Well, in the past, those who were overweight were deemed wealthy. Typically they were because the wealthy were the only ones who could fill their stomachs with food. Because of their wealth, body type didn’t matter, in fact to some it was worshiped or even envied. Nowadays, being overweight is looked down upon. People who are overweight are deemed as disgusting and lazy. These classifications are given without a second thought. Without knowing what the individual could be going through. What if the person has an eating disorder or was born with extra fat in their tissues? Would their opinion change or stay the same? Unfortunately, I don’t know the answer to that question. I just know that I don’t have that mindset and that’s all I care about in this instance. Being very skinny has the same identification as it did in the past. Many saw that being very skinny was an indicator that the person was poor. In the past, this may have been true because the only ones who could fill their stomachs were those with money in their pockets. Today’s classification isn't much different. There are mixed views on those who are very skinny. Back then it wasn’t attractive at all to be skinny but now some think it is very attractive. When you see a very skinny individual you think middle or lower class. Never have I heard someone thinking upper class when identifying very skinny people. But I think in the modern day we are starting to not assume someone’s class based on their body type. I never related body type with class. I see people of all body types in every class.

8.) BEAUTIFUL BODIES

We see all these models on billboards, signs, and other advertisements. We take a glance and say, “She’s beautiful” then turn away. Little did we know that these models are edited on these advertisements. Their faces are edited to be slim, their necks are longer, and they put more emphasis on detail in the eyes and collarbones. In the modeling industry, you don’t see many plus-sized women. We are just now being inclusive to plus-sized women. Usually, models limit what they intake and some don’t eat at all. A method to look skinnier is to not drink water. It makes you more defined than you are. This method is in no way healthy but is used for TV stars and models. In stores like Victoria’s Secret, the clothes are there to make women feel more beautiful. They don’t fit all sizes because they only fit “beautiful” women. To my knowledge, they don’t have any plus-sized clothing in stores. But did you know the person running Victoria's Secret isn’t a woman, but a man? Going back to Barbie, the cooperation-making Barbie is also run by men. Barbie and Victoria’s Secret have made major impacts on the market with their targeted audience being women. Girls would say they want to be just like Barbie because of how she looks. Victoria’s Secret sells very nice clothes that attract many girls to their store. With no options for plus-sized, women would get the urge to get thinner to fit into this clothing brand. What a coincidence that these two companies portraying high body standards for women are being run by men. Psychologists say with this overwhelming presence of beauty in our everyday lives it is hard for men and harder for women to find satisfaction with how they look. So boys, if you wonder why your girlfriend is asking what dress she should wear, it is because she has this high standard for herself to look pretty.

9.) MODIFIED BODIES

Let’s start with tattoos. The meaning of a tattoo is to imprint. In Western society a tattoo symbolizes deviancy. In Western Society, Christian beliefs are very common. It is against Christian beliefs to have a tattoo. My argument to that is if we weren’t allowed to have tattoos then why were we born with birthmarks? In a way, these could also be classified as tattoos. I mean, they are imprinted on our bodies after all. The older generation has this common view of tattoos symbolizing deviancy, however, people get tattoos for a variety of reasons. Some cultures believe having a tattoo could protect them from evil. Most get tattoos because the tattoo has meaning. A common reason is the loss of a loved one. Just something meaningful to the individual is imprinted on their body. Some think tattoos are just cool and so they get them. I think the deviancy ideology of tattoos goes back to people in prison getting many tattoos. A person I know who went to prison for a few years for the use of marijuana - before prison, he had nothing imprinted on his body but came out with around twenty tattoos. Body notifications happen more than we think. Today, tattooing, scarification, piercing, body painting, and other forms of permanent and temporary body modification are found in every culture. Scientists discover that these modifications are used in ways to communicate, express, and maintain status and identity. Though some body modifications may be a little extreme such as tattooing your eyes are adding horns to your head - I think it’s looked down upon because we aren’t used to seeing it. If we saw these modifications more often I think it would be more socially accepted. I think this is why people with transgender status are looked down upon because undergoing the surgery of changing your sex is an extreme body modification.

10.) RELIGIOUS BODIES

I do believe that most of these standards we have on bodies, gender, and sex are mainly from religious beliefs. As a gay man, I face trouble with acceptance daily. Either accepting myself or acceptance from others. As I get older, it doesn’t bother me as much because I have faced so much of it, however, when I was younger this struggle I faced was consuming me. I do think hatred towards homosexuality is more about ignorance instead of a justifiable reason. In the state of Ohio, religious hospitals can refuse healthcare to people of LGBT status. Going further into religious bodies, when it comes to women, it is said in the Bible that Eve is punished for tricking Adam into eating the apple. This sparked the ideology that women are manipulative and will tempt men into doing their bitting. This is why in some religions, women cover themselves up because if they don’t a man will be tempted by her. The Bible says women will face punishment for the eaten apple. Christians use this to explain why girls have periods. It’s so crazy to me because men are the manipulative ones. They created all these rules, regulations, and standards. We deem God as a man and guess what, he has every firm believer in the palm of his hand doing HIS bitting. Now that’s manipulation. When it comes to sex, sex is to be only between a man and a woman for the sole purpose of producing offspring. It is a sin to have sex before marriage as well. But sex can now be between people of the same sex. Actually, that was always a thing, it is more common now because it is more accepted in modern society. It could be due to more people turning away from religion, or people realizing that these rules are just obscured.

#barbie #star wars #ryan gosling #taylor swift #super mario

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birches-and-hawks · 3 years ago

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Alright I promised you guys a post about pride month so here it is, but its not going to be a lighthearted one.

So lets discuss LGBT people in Hungary right now

I've already talked about the oppression of queer people in Hungary but they took it a step further. You know the blatant homophobia in Russia? Yeah they're bringing that here so let's talk about it.

So far the government:

- made it illegal for unmarried couples to adopt, and because same-sex marriage is illegal, this prevents same-sex couples from adopting

- "a family is with a man and a woman"

- burnt a children's book about inclusivity that featured 1 story about a same-sex couple

- made it illegal for trans people to change their name or their sex on official government documents in the middle of the pandemic because they thought they are being sneaky about it

And let's see what's happening now:

- people on facebook campaigning for straight pride

- the Hungarian government is trying to pass a bill that would ban LGBT themed educational programs and public service advertisements

The tiktok that I attached above talks about it more in detail, here's the transcript:

"Hungarian government launches Russian-style attack on freedom of speech and children's rights. The Hungarian ruling party, Fidesz, introduced an amendment that would severely restrict freedom of speech and children's rights by banning LGBTQI- themed educational programs and public service advertisements. Out of Hungarian LGBTQI people, 42% have thought about su*cide and 30% have attempted it. This new amendment - which eerily mimics the Russian propaganda law would further poison public opinion.

Following in Russian footsteps, Fidesz has introduced a propaganda law unheard of in other European countries. They would ban the 'portrayal and promotion of homosexuality and trans identities' in schools and in public service advertisements for persons under 18.

This step endangers the mental health of LGBTQI youth by making it harder for them to receive preventive education and affirmative support in due time. They have a right to an education which helps them develop into healthy, fully rounded people, which means they should receive relevant and comprehensive information about their sexuality and family life.

The European Court of Human Rights has emphasised that legislations like this only strengthen prejudice and homophobia which is incompatible with democratic values. If the bill passes children will be even more vulnerable to bullying, even though the situation is already grave: according to a survey from 2020, half of the responding teachers experienced prejudice towards LGBTQI people among their students. The government trying to ban exactly those informative sensitivity trainings that could help fight these prejudices.

According to a study conducted by Háttér Society in 2017, more than half of LGBTQI youth have felt unsafe at school because of their sexual orientation, and 37% because of their gender expression. Nearly two-thirds of LGBTQI students were verbally harassed for their sexual orientation and more than half for their sexual expression. Lastly 13% of LGBTQI students were subject to physical abuse at school because of their sexual orientation and 10% because of their gender identity or gender expression, they were hit, kicked or wounded with some object.

Out of Hungarian LGBTQI people, 42% have thought about su*cide and 30% have attempted it. Research by ILGA-Europe has also shown that LGBTQI youth commit suicide mostly because they find their situation hopeless, the exclusion and harassment they experience within the family, in education, or in their peer or religious community is considered unbearable. The Hungarian state is now planning to intensify the suffering of LGBTQI youth, following in the footsteps of those autocratic states which the government has an increasingly friendly relationship with. We call on the government to withdraw the amendment and the opposition not to vote on the bill in this form"

I don't want to take away your joy and I'm not telling you to stop enjoying pride month, I'm just saying that if you are in a country where you can freely celebrate pride month appreciate it, because it is a privilege, a privilege that we don't have here. So if you are from a country like that, speak up on this, talk about it, do something with your privilege.

#pride month #pride #lgbt #lgbt+#lgbt rights #happy pride 🌈#lgbtq #hungary #hungarian #politics #witch #witchy #witchblr #witchcraft #not witchy #but im adding the tags so more people can see it

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ninjasam18 · 2 years ago

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As Morty once said

“Nobody exists on purpose

Nobody belongs anywhere

Everybody’s gonna die,

Come watch tv”

And rick once said

“When you know nothing matters. The universe is yours”

When I was little I never realized how true this statement was.

Rick and morty is a sh*tshow of an asswhole grandpa and a boy with autism and anxiety who is forced along on sci-fi magical adventures completely unrealistic…

But it’s also such a realistic vision of reality.

You realize nothing means anything and suddenly your on top of the world….

I think this show really shows us a view of our thoughts and our feelings. Even the most cold hearted guy has feelings and he’s just a broken sad man who lost his whole family and tries to mask his hurt under alcohol…

It’s true. When we’re young we’re taught “your gonna do big things”

The harsh truth is that isn’t a fact.

The truth is that you have to work for your future. And that’s okay because that means it’s worth it.

If you find something to live for, that’s a big help

But it also teaches us that if we don’t also live for ourselves,

We’re just depressed people trying to make others happy…

Im a bigender (she/he) autistic, American, Christian.

But I’m not all into religious sh*t either.

Do I believe there’s a god? Yes.

Do I believe in heaven/hell? Yes.

Do I love Jesus and believe he loves us? Yes.

Am I scared sh*t less that I’m wrong and will go to hell? F*ck yes!

But also….

Do I WANT to constantly worry about everything, no.

Do I discriminate blacks/gays/disabled people? NO.

I’m a Christian but I don’t have to agree with everything everyone believes in.

I don’t even go to church every Sunday/Wednesday…

I’m different and that’s okay…

I have people I live for

My grandpa, my dad, my baby brother, the love of my life…

But I’m learning to live for myself as well

I wanna push past my anxiety and depression and PTSD and stress.

My trust issues and flashbacks

But I also don’t want to be naive and get hurt again.

Knowledge is power. But it’s also a burden.

Being naive is bad. But it’s also a blissful gift.

I have to live with both and suffer the consequences. But I also enjoy what life has to offer….

You may be thinking “you got all that from a stupid show for teens and adults!”

Yes. Yes I did:

Because I’m also an empath that feels for everyone

Real or not

Good or bad

I firmly believe everyone has feelings but not everyone wants to use them, knows how to use them, or has to use them.

Good people and bad people there’s not always a fine line

There’s a gray area because evil isn’t born it’s made (a quote from once upon a time)

A lot of shows teach children there is “good and bad nothing more”

But Rick and morty showed me that there’s more to it than just that: everyone has a life, it’s your choice how you live it….

And not everyone succeeds, not because they gave up. But because life pushed them to that limit.

Let’s show life we’re stronger and stand as one

Stop discrimination, stop bullying, stop wars, stop fighting.

We’re all people

Black, white, Asian, japenese, Mexican, mixed, Chinese.

All cultures, races, religions, non religions, rich, poor, healthy, sick, fat, skinny, gay, straight,

And that doesn’t mean everyone is good.

There are sick people out here (pedophiles and cold blooded child murderers)

And they try to ruin the image of humans and cause fights.

We shouldn’t let them. We should fight back and know what’s right

Wether you believe in (any) god. Gods. Or no god.

Wether your in LGBTQ, or unable to support (cause of culture/religion), just don’t believe in it (but respect it), or your ally/straight.

Let’s all be humans.

Let’s all be ourselves.

Let’s focus on reality and make the fantasy of peace come true….

That’s what I wished to say.

Thank you for reading…

As an American, Christian, Bigender bisexual

🏳️‍🌈✝️🇺🇸

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mudhornchronicles · 4 years ago

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dreamboat | greaser!frankie morales | part one

pairing: francisco “catfish” morales x reader; greaser!frankie x reader

warnings: smoking, drinking, swearing, lewd comments, mentions of racism.

a/n: We got ourselves a series, ya’ll. I cannot wait until chapter 2. I present to you – Greaser!Frankie Morales

masterlist

You gently close the door as your mother leans over to wind down the passenger side window. “You will be fine, sweetheart. It is absolutely normal to feel nervous! It is your first day after all.”

You nod and feel your tied hair bound up and down. The white ribbon falls on your cheek and you push it back. “I understand, mother. It’s just different than my previous school, that’s all.”

“And they taught you how to be a lady, did they not? You are properly educated, unlike these individuals. Now smooth your skirt down before it wrinkles. First impression matter, correct? I will see you after school. I love you!”

You tell your mother you love her too as you smooth down your white full-circle skirt and adjust your two notebooks on your arm. You wave a goodbye to your mother and watch as she drives her 1953 pastel yellow Pontiac your father had gifted her for her birthday.

You turn and take a good look at your new school and you immediately feel out of place. The cream-colored cement building looks old, but the lawn looks taken care of. The sounds of revving engines and the smell of cigarette smoke abuse your ears and nose. You are most definitely not used to those aspects of the place. Your old school was strict about noises and smells. The only smell they wanted lingering the air was that of perfume and the sound of the girls talking about the school curriculum.

What you see here would give the mistresses a stroke. You see couples shoving their tongues down each other’s throats, students smoking on campus, hot rods racing up and down the streets, and the boys throwing such obscene comments. As you walk up the path towards the building’s entrance, your eyes fall upon a group of five boys whose comments make a chill run up your spine.

“Hey paper shakers,” one calls out. “Why don’t cha shake those pom poms over in this direction? I’ll give ya somethin’ good to cheer about!” The guys snicker to each-other as Benny jokingly thrusts at the cheerleaders. The group hollers at the cheerleaders as they shout insults at the boys and run into the school’s building. You notice that four of them continue to laugh and yell other comments at the athletes, but the fifth just looks around and appears to shy away from joining his friends.

Dressed in black jeans, a white tee, and a worn black leather jacket, Frankie tries to hide away from his brothers’ banter. He never understood why they talk to betties the way they do and then complain that they don’t have a doll around their arm. Pope seems to be the one who is a bit like him, but that’s only because he’s felt the uncomfortableness on the receiving of impudent comments. Being Latino in this town wasn’t the most welcoming while growing up. His family was always met with derogatory comments just because of their appearance. He never understood why people thought it was okay to jump his father every other night on his way back home from work. He never understood why his mother was always denied jobs because she had an accent. He never understood why he rarely had friendships that lasted because their parents said that they couldn’t hang out with the “brown boy.”

Once he grew up, he understood what the concept of racism was. When he met Santiago, or Pope as Frankie called him, he learned that Santiago’s family left his town because they were threatened and when they wouldn’t leave, their house was broken into. The pair soon became best friends and were able to fight off their bullies with each other’s help.

Frankie had never been one to initiate a fight, but he would be the one to end it. Benny was always the fighter. Whether it was his battle or not, he would always be up to throw the first punch. When they made it to freshman year, the boys decided it would be best to create a group of friends that they could lean on when times got tough and to their luck, they met the Miller brothers, Will and Benny, and Tom, also known as Redfly.

You took a deep breath and clutched your books to your chest. You slowly walked up the stairs and as you revert your eyes down to the floor as you tried not to bump into someone and walked past the group – that was until you heard “hey there doll face, where’d you come from?”

You look up to see a tall blonde, younger than the other blonde, snicker at himself and wink at you. You look around to make sure the comment was directed at you and the group laughs. “Yeah, I’m talkin’ to ya sweetheart. I’m guessin’ yousa newbie?” You widen your eyes and steadily nod.

One of the brunettes steps up to you, takes his toothpick out his mouth and replaces it with a cigarette. He takes a deep inhale and blows the smoke in your face. You wave you hand in front of your face and cough as he lets out a laugh. “You that chick that escaped Saint Catherine’s?”

You shrug and nod once more, but with a grimace etched on your face. He raises his cigarette back into his mouth and puts his hand out to you for a handshake – you reciprocate the handshake.

“The name’s Tom, but you, pretty lady, can call me Redfly. Those two over there is Benny and his brother Will. This one behind me,” he points towards one of the two other brunettes, “this one’s Santiago, but call him Pope. You’re familiar with those religious names, right?” This comment earns him an eye roll from you, but it also earns him a scoff from the final member of his little clique.

Tom turns around and looks at his friend. “You trynna say somethin’, ‘Fish?” The brunette smirks and shakes his head. Tom lets out a “hmph” and nods. “This one’s Frankie. We call him Catfish because he may seem like a kicked puppy dog, but the guy can fuck someone up if he really gotta.” You nod and look over to Frankie and find that he’s already looking at you.

You notice just how right Tom was when he described Frankie as a puppy dog. Frankie’s eyes are brown deep-set eyes are captivating. His lips are pink and plush – making you want to give him a big ol’ kiss. His rugged hair calls out to your hands to run your fingers through it. You suddenly lost the ability to speak, so you resulted in clumsily wave a hello, but resulting in your books falling to the ground.

You began to kneel over to pick them up, but a hand stopped you from doing so. Frankie bent over to pick up your things, dusted them off, and handed them to you. What you didn’t see was the boys smiling at seeing their brother be dumbstruck over a girl.

You took your books back with a shy thank you to Frankie and him saying “no problem.” He caught sight of your schedule you received in the mail the day prior and smiles to himself.

“I see you have World History first. Is it with Robinson? May I?” He puts his hand out for your schedule that is taped on the front of your notebook. You pass him your blue notebook and he starts to analyze your schedule. Once he’s satisfied, he gives you back your notebook. “I have classes near yours. I can walk you if you’d like?” Before you’re given the opportunity to answer, Frankie’s friends burst out into laughing fit so loud, the students passing by look over to see the cause of the sound – looking right back to where they were when they see who it was.

“Whatcha gonna do, ‘Fish?” Will teases, “gonna take the new girl on a grand tour of the school? She don’t look the type to give it up behind the bleachers, pal.” Frankie turns red and stutters his denial of the accusation. The boys laugh at him as he nervously tugs on his leather jacket.

“I’d love if you would, Frankie. I haven’t a clue where I’m going, and I really don’t want to get lost on my first day.”

“Yeah, sure. That’s cool.” Frankie nods and stuffs his hands in his pocket.

“Ya might wanna go now, ‘Fish. Princess here ain’t gonna wanna be late,” Tom teases. Tom nudges his head towards the other side of the building. “Let’s go Bandits. Teach’ aint gon’ misses us too much. We’ll see ya in a bit, Frankie.” The boys walk away with Pope and Will giving Frankie a pack on the back with a chuckle – leaving you and Frankie alone on the steps.

“Are they not going to class? It’s the first day and they’ll make a bad impression on their first period instructor.” You ask. You wonder why the boys wouldn’t go to their homeroom, especially being the first day of class.

“They’ll get there… eventually. We can go though. I don’t wanna make ya late or anythin’.” He gestures for you to start walking in front of him, but you won’t walk until knowing something first.

“Frankie, will you be going to homeroom? They said they would see you in bit. Are you just taking me to my classroom and skipping your first period?”

Frankie gets red and shakes his head furiously. “Nah, I ain’t those idiots. My parents would flip their shit if I had to retake a year.” You smile up at him and nod. You reach out to take his arm, as your old school taught you a gentleman should, and were shocked when Frankie pulled away as you touched his arm.

“Sorry, doll. Didn’t mean to scare ya.”

“I was just taking your arm, is all.” You cocked your head to the side. Every man you’d been escorted by has always given you their arm.

It was his turn to act confused. He knew exactly what you were doing and why, but he had a reputation to uphold and it wasn’t him being a gentleman. “What does that mean? Whatcha takin’ my arm for, doll?”

“Nevermind. Shall we?”

Frankie leads you into the crowded building. Students were running everywhere, and voices drowned the pair of you. He takes you to the second level of the building and leads you down the hall and taking a sharp left. You’re a bit lower than he is, but with each step, you start to really get a good luck at the back design on his jacket.

“What does Bandits mean?” Frankie turns around and by instinct, looks at the back of his jacket.

“It’s our group. Call ourselves The Bandits,” he says with “The Bandits” in air quotations.

You stifle a giggle, and he smiles showing of his dimple on his right cheek.

“Yeah, Pope came up with it. I just ran with it.”

“Do you steal?”

“Nah. Pope just thought it sounded cool. Redfly wanted the name “The Unarrestables,” but got arrested two weeks later for mailboxing 7 blocks.” You let out a loud laugh, covering your face with your notebooks, and Frankie looks over at you and smiles. He hasn’t been able to laugh the way he just did in a long time. As you share a funny story about your former mistress skirt being caught in a window, the two of share more laughs as you ultimately arrive at your homeroom’s door.

“Here we are. Room 249… World History with Lloyd Robinson. I’ll come back for you after class to take you to second period. That cool with ya?” You smile and nod. You’re a bit sad that you made it so soon, but quickly disappears when he mentions coming back for you.

“That sounds great, Catfish. Thank you very much.” He lets out a chuckle and nods at you.

“You can call me Frankie. I like the way you say it, doll.” Just as he starts to walk away, a voice makes him freeze in place and slowly turn back around.

“Mister Morales, will you not be joining us today or is your cigarette of much more importance?”

“Mister Robinson. How’s the new kid?” Frankie nervously scratches the back of his head.

“Frankie, get in this classroom or you’ll receive a failing grade starting now.” Mister Robinson gives you a warm smile in comparison to his frown towards Frankie and goes back into the classroom.

“Wait a minute. You have the same homeroom as I do? You said yours was near!”

He sighs and holds his hands up in surrender. “I guess I’ve been caught. We have the same classes, lucky you.”

“But this is AP World History.”

“Just because the guys I run with don’t give a shit, don’t mean I don’t either.”

You stand in front of him and cross your arms underneath your breasts – eyes narrowed and staring into his. “You are just full of surprises aren’t you, Frankie Morales.”

He looks deep into your eyes and smirks. He adjusts his jacket and runs a hand in his hair. He reaches for the handle and opens the door open for you.

“Ladies first, doll.”

#francisco morales #francisco catfish morales #frankie morales #frankie catfish morales #catfish morales #frankie morales x reader #frankie morales x you #francisco morales x reader #francisco catfish morales x reader #francisco morales x you #francisco catfish morales x you #greaser!frankie #greaser!frankie x reader #greaser!frankie x you #catfish morales x reader #catfish morales x you #pedro pascal #pedro pascal characters #triple frontier

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crazy-loca-blog · 3 years ago

Note

Hello hello! Are you ready for a change? Here we go with:

Not Yet Wed Questions

Note: Great Scott! This week, we are going back in time to MC’s intern year. Think of Ethan’s relationship with them at this point and answer the following questions accordingly. It is entirely up to you when in year 1 this takes place (pre/post Miami, pre/post CH 15, etc). Feel free to answer with dialogue or pictures or both :) Have fun!

No worries. All of this is off the record and HR will never know!

The setting for this answers is:

For Both

When I first saw them, I thought__________

What is your coworker's most used swear word?

Quick: What color are their eyes?

Three people at work your coworker hates?

What is your coworker’s strangest or most endearing quirk?

If they had a crush on anyone at work, who would that be?

(Bonus round! Feel free to skip.)

Never have I Ever:

come into work hungover

had a fistfight

been kicked out of a bar

gotten a tattoo

broken someone’s heart

been in love

For MC (Ethan is not there)

Where do you see him in five years (both professionally and in his personal life?)

What do you find the most impressive about him?

Last thing he texted you?

If he asked you out on a date, what would you say?

For Ethan (MC is not there)

Where do you see him in five years (both professionally and in his personal life?)

What specifically do you find attractive about her?

Last thing she texted you?

If she asked you out on a date, how would you respond?

Hey Bree!!!

Oh... my... God (read it in Janice's voice, of course)... this is brilliant!!

In my head, there was a time where they both were trying to figure out whether their feelings were real or if everything was just a consequence of spending so much time together (nope, it's canon that Casey has a lot of doubts about herself and her abilities to be a doctor, so given the fact that she lacks of confidence, there is no way in my head that Ethan was the only one having doubts about them and their feelings for each other). So this is before Miami, somewhere around chapter 8, but before chapter 9. The interview takes place at the diagnostics team office... and Bree herself is the one in charge of asking the questions this time!

Masterlist

Ethan: Please remind me why are we doing this instead of taking care of our patients...

Casey: Because you deserve to do things for fun... and our shifts ended an hour ago... now stop complaining, Bree is already here to ask us some questions...

~~*~~*~~

For Both:

Bree: When I first saw them, I thought __________

Casey: I didn't think anything... I was freaking out because the patient was dying! I was only fully aware that he was next to me when he held my hand because I was shaking. The whole situation is a little blurry in my head.

Ethan: I thought she was the only one in the room with the minimal knowledge to help me save that woman. I couldn't understand why she was just standing there instead of helping.

Bree: What is your coworker's most used swear word?

Both, in unison: fuck!

*Laughs*

Ethan: She also says "dammit" when things don't go the way she wants, but you know that she is really mad when she begins to swear in German. Or what she says is German.

Casey: An exchange student at medical school taught me a few things, so yes, it's German. He also says "Christ" and "Jesus" quite a lot. Weird for a non-religious guy, if you ask me...

Bree: Quick: What color are their eyes?

Casey: Blue

Ethan: Green

*They look in the eyes and smile to each other ... maybe longer than expected*

Bree: *thinking to herself* Why am I suddenly feeling like the third wheel here?

Bree: Three people at work your coworker hates?

Casey: Not fair! He hates everyone at work!

Ethan: I don't hate you

Casey: Now I do feel special

Ethan: You should

*Casey wide-opens her eyes and tries not to blush*

Ethan: *realizing what he just said* I... I mean... what I'm trying to say is that you're not as the other interns, so working with you is very enjoyable, even though you're still stubborn and a pain in my ass... don't let it go to your head...

Casey: Too late... I feel honored... but going back to the question, I don't think it's that hard... Dr. Cyrus, Dr. Thorne...

Ethan: *under his breath* ...assholes...

Casey: ...and even though you don't hate her as a person, you've made Dr. Emery's job a hell this year, so I'm not so sure if you actually like working with her...

Ethan: It's equally hard for me because you seem to like everyone and everyone seems to like you... but... even if you don't seem to hate them, I know at least three interns that you'd prefer not to work with: Dr. Emery, she left you dealing with your first patient by yourself and she only takes the cases that she finds interesting and challenging... Dr. Varma, she is a very good doctor, but I have no doubt that she'd throw you under the bus to win the competition... and the other one is your roommate...

Casey: Sienna? I mean... Dr. Trinh?

Ethan: No, no, the guy...

Casey: Dr. Greene?

Ethan: No, the other one...

Casey: Dr. Olsen?

Ethan: Him! I always forget his name... You both are like oil and water. The way you envision patient care is very different to his, so you don't feel comfortable working with him.

Casey: How do you know that?

Ethan: Simple observation... don't forget that I'm constantly evaluating you all.

Bree: What is your coworker’s strangest or most endearing quirk?

Casey: He pinches the bridge of his nose more times than I can count in a day.

Ethan: She unconsciously fidgets with her hands when she's nervous and she bites her lip when she's too concentrated thinking about something or when she knows she did something wrong.

Bree: If they had a crush on anyone at work, who would that be?

Ethan: Don't deny it, I've seen you with the paramedic... and the surgeon...

Casey: Your people watching abilities must be failing, Dr. Ramsey... I adore them, but they're just friends...

Ethan: I'm very convinced that they don't see you "as a friend"...

Casey: *blushing* Do you think so?

Ethan: I don't "think so", I know it

Casey: What about Dr. Emery? I might have seen things, too...

Ethan: I don't know what was I thinking when I told you we used to date...

~~*~~*~~

Never have I Ever:

Casey: Yay! Bring the drinks!

Ethan: Rookie, we're at a hospital.

Casey: Who said anything about alcohol? I was thinking about the coffee...

Ethan: *Pinching the bridge of his nose* Interns...

Bree: come into work hungover

*They both drink coffee*

Casey: How many times?

Ethan: Once, in my intern year... I learned my lesson the hard way... what about you?

Casey: Same...

Ethan: So, here is the deal... you don't tell my secret and I don't tell yours...

Casey: Deal!

Bree: had a fistfight

*They both drink coffee*

Ethan: *surprised* You?!

Casey: It wasn't a fistfight, but I might have punched a girl back in high school... she was bullying me... I tried talking to her, but apparently she didn't get the message... there is a part of me that regrets it, but there is also a part of me that tells me I did the right thing.

Ethan: Did she keep bullying you after that?

Casey: Nope

Ethan: Then you did the right thing, Rookie

Casey: *smiling* What about you?

Ethan: Same, actually... never been on a fight, but I punched an ass once

Casey: *laughing* Do you expect me to believe that?

Ethan: What?

Casey: None of what you said! There is no way that you punched a person just once...

Bree: been kicked out of a bar

*Casey drinks coffee*

Ethan: Again?

Casey: One of my friends fell asleep at the bar...

Ethan: No comments...

Bree: gotten a tattoo

*None of them drink coffee*

Casey: ...nope...

Ethan: ...not my type of thing...

Bree: broken someone’s heart

*None of them drink coffee*

Casey: Not that I know...

Ethan: I have no idea...

Casey: Come on... I'm sure you have... look at that face!

*Casey points at Ethan's face*

*Ethan drinks coffee*

Ethan: Maybe in my teen years...

Casey: I knew it!

Bree: been in love

*None of them drink coffee*

Casey: I thought I had, but I've been thinking a lot about it lately... and I'd say no.

Ethan: Intimate feelings are just neurochemical responses, I don't even think that "being in love" is a thing.

~~*~~*~~

For Casey (Ethan is not there)

Bree: For this part of the interview, I want you to know that your answers will remain confidential... everything will stay between us.

Casey: Okay...

Bree: Where do you see him in five years (both professionally and in his personal life?)

Casey: This is Ethan Ramsey we're talking about. He could do whatever he wants to and he'll succeed. He's driven and a perfectionist, so he'll always find a way to achieve his goals. I don't see him leaving Edenbrook, he would have left forever ago if he had wanted, so I guess he feels comfortable here. An admin? I don't think so, his passion is working with patients. But you never know.

Bree: What about his personal life?

Casey: I just want him to be happy. He has a tough exterior and I know he seems to be an ass at first, but he's one of the most caring people I've met. And even though I don't know what exactly happened, after you get to know him, you can tell he's gone through a lot, so he deserves the best in life.

Bree: What do you find the most impressive about him?

Casey: The most logical answer would be his mind. He is a brilliant doctor. But above all, he is an amazing human being. He has morals, he is noble and he'll always go the extra mile for the people he cares, in his very Ethan Ramsey's way that is. Most of the time, he is not conscious of what a good guy he is.

Bree: Last thing he texted you?

Casey: His address... we are treating a patient who asked us to keep things private, so there are some things about this case we can't discuss at the hospital.

Bree: If he asked you out on a date, what would you say?

Casey: He won't know these answers, right?

Bree: Nope.

Casey: Pinky promise?

Bree: Pinky promise

Casey: *blushing* Okay, so... thinking about this as a very hypothetical situation where he asks me out... because we know that's not going to happen because he is my boss and I'm an intern... not that you can't do it, but it just wouldn't be okay... I think I'd say yes. I mean... look at him! He is incredibly handsome and he could have any woman he wanted! Just add his mind to the mixture and you have the full package... yes, he is the type of person that I'd want to get to know better.

Bree: *smiling* Thank you, Dr. Valentine!

~~*~~*~~

For Ethan (Casey is not there)

Bree: Okay, Dr. Ramsey, for this part of the interview, I want you to know that your answers will remain confidential... everything will stay between us.

Ethan: This is scary...

Bree: Where do you see her in five years (both professionally and in his personal life?)

Ethan: She'll take over the world by storm. I know she is supposed to be at Edenbrook for three years, but if she wants to stay and I have to do it, I will fight every person on the board to retain her here, losing her as an attending would be an irreparable loss for this hospital. But she'll always shine, wherever she decides to go after her residency.

Bree: What about her personal life?

Ethan: I don't care about what my coworkers do outside the hospital, so I don't think it's correct for me to talk about it. But of course I want her to be happy, she is a good person, so she deserves the best... I really hope that she manages to find the balance between her personal life and her professional development... *shows some sadness in his eyes* ...being a doctor is not easy.

Bree: What specifically do you find attractive about her?

Ethan: *coughs* I don't know if it's appropriate to answer that, she is my intern after all.

Bree: She did answer...

Ethan: *visibly uncomfortable* Did she? Of course she did... she is brutally honest... and she is the best secret keeper I've ever known... she is also gentle, caring and an amazing doctor... and her eyes and her smile say a lot... *realizing that he's telling more than he's actually willing to say* next question?

Bree: Last thing she texted you?

Ethan: That she was coming late to the place we had agreed to meet because she had a last minute problem on her shift.

Bree: If she asked you out on a date, how would you respond?

Ethan: I assume she answered this one, too...

*Bree smiles and nods at him*

Ethan: *blushing and visibly uncomfortable* Okay, so... I'm going to give you two answers. As a doctor, I would have to decline her invitation. Not only we are colleagues, I'm also her boss. My mission as her boss is to push her to be the best doctor she can be, she has the potential for it, I can see it. Also, she is participating on a competition to earn a spot in my team. So any type of relationship outside the work between us not only is inappropriate, it's unfair for the rest of the interns. As a man... you promise me that this conversation stays between us?

Bree: Yes

Ethan: Then... as a man... not only she is a beautiful woman, she is also smart and caring... she is incredible, and I don't understand how in the world she's been single for so long. No one would dare to say "no" to her.

Bree: Thanks a lot for your time, Dr. Ramsey...

*Bree starts to leave the room, but she suddenly turns back*

Bree: Dr. Ramsey, can I give you one piece of advise?

Ethan: I don't think I need it, but go ahead, Ms. Bree...

Bree: You should ask her out...

#long post #newlyweds game with your host bree #newlyweds game #newlyweds ask game #not yet wed questions #answered asks #ethan ramsey #casey valentine #ethan x casey

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honeyandbloodpoetry · 3 years ago

Text

Abuse and Gender Expression - Gender Thoughts Part Three

Huuuuuge trigger warnings for peer abuse, emotional abuse, physical abuse, sexual abuse, religious abuse, a murder attempt and mentions of self harm, suicidal ideation and an eating disorder. 18+ talk of sexual activity also included. Discretion advised!

I feel like the first time I realized I needed to perform high femininity to be accepted was in sixth grade. I was slotted into a rotating elective class, and the first one was a careers class. That careers class was utter hell for me. Every single day, I was tormented by an entire classroom of about twenty of my peers. I was bullied, no, abused for being fat and ugly and weird. I was called a whore, and told the only way I could ever be loved was someone raping me. Things were thrown at me, I was shoved down and tripped. I was bullied for my special interest in Transformers. I was told I was so fat and ugly I should be killed and be made into meat and cheese and fed to starving people because that was my only worth. Every single day I was told I should kill myself in varying ways. And all of that is just a quick summary. It was intense and brutal abuse for an entire semester, and I distinctly remember a day where there was a literal pool of tears on my desk. I couldn’t understand. I reached out to the teacher for help, and genuinely can’t remember exactly what he said. All I know is that he simply watched, and sometimes even joined in with “jokes” of his own. This was also the year abuse from my mother amped up, and home was a warzone--we were constantly arguing, and she became a professional at gaslighting and poking and prodding me until I exploded so I could be blamed for fighting back. My father would vacantly stand by and remind me not to fight back. This was also the year I began to self harm as a way of release.

I remember thinking that if I looked more like the girls in my class, I wouldn’t be bullied so much. I was told I was ugly and unlovable, so I thought that if I performed more femininely, maybe I could be like those who tormented me and therefore not be a target. I thought there was something inherently wrong with the way I presented myself. I convinced my mother to take me to the store, and I bought wedge heels and gaudy jewelry I did not like to wear with my uniform--replacing my autobot necklace and sweatband. In another class I was teased for not shaving and for having ugly feet, so I learned to paint my nails, file my heels, and shave every bit of hair on my body--the echo of my father saying that since I grew pubic hair, I was now a woman and held accountable for all of my sins an echo on the cusp of my mind. I did everything in my power to be more pretty and girly. I used to be loud and rambunctious, and began to go silent and demure.

I remember walking up to the class in the new get-up that was certainly not me. I felt that I would be accepted but as I walked up...I fell flat on my ass. I couldn’t walk in the heels. They all pointed and laughed at me, and the abuse continued in even higher intensity. It was until the next semester that I fought back by throwing a desk at two of my abusers who followed me to the next rotating elective, screaming and snarling at them to leave me alone. Those two in particular stopped, but abuse from others continued for many years in many instances. I developed an eating disorder, continued self harming, and began to try and form femininity and “attractiveness” to the best of my ability. I added things like bows and kitty ears and flower crowns to my wardrobe--sure they were cute, and I did like them in a way, but it felt like putting on a costume or some sort of womanly obligation. It didn’t feel like me. Years later, I was told by someone I trusted that I was “too fat to wear pants”, which I internalized and began to only wear dresses--same thing with feeling like I was wearing a costume. I tried to be beautiful. I wanted to be butch, be myself, but I felt that if I was a cute and girly girl, demure and sweet, I wouldn’t be a target. I would be loved.

And so I locked myself away.

My relationship with my mother was a rocky one. She is definitely a sick and broken person, but I doubt she will ever get help. She swings between extremes, and I was always her doll and punching bag. She had a habit of pushing and pushing, finding all the littles holes in me that triggered autistic meltdowns and despair. She criticized everything about me, from my weight and height to my blaming me for how tangled my hair was. She entered me in sports and spelling bees with gentle but insisting prodding about how good I would be when I would rather be reading or playing, and when I got frustrated she would say it was my choice...when in reality I just wanted her approval. When I got older, and especially after my father killed himself, I began to fight back and question her authority though--sometimes violently. She didn’t like that, and was violent right back, and oftentimes first. I struggled my whole life with blaming myself for my outbursts and reactions, but through therapy I have learned I was a child being gaslit and abused, shown that violence was the only answer… And through therapy, I have learned to do better and grow. The worst instance of abuse was me having an autistic meltdown where I said that we should both just die and her response was to pull out a gun and point it at me--I collapsed down into our trash covered room (I was forced to share a bed with her) and pleaded with her to stop. She threatened to kill me and help me out since I was so suicidal, then turned the gun on herself and threatened to kill herself, in which I had to talk her down. When the gun was down, I fled in a flurry of tears and barely contained screams. It was truly the most horrible moment of my life, and I still struggle with the ptsd of that moment to this day. I was only fourteen.

All that background to say, my mother was extremely possessive of my body. She seemed to love to touch my breasts and butt, jerk me around, slap my butt, watch me get dressed. When I begged her to stop, she would tell me that she made that body and could do whatever she wanted to it. I found messages on her phone of her talking to guys about having sex with me and stealing my panties. She wouldn’t let me do my own hair because I couldn’t do it right. She wouldn’t let me bathe alone until I was over ten years old. I didn’t ever have my own room until I was 18 and shared it with my partner. She never let me play with my hair and kept a close eye on what I wore. This combined with my very religious Christian father, who said things like “if you know more song lyrics than bible verses when you die, you’ll go to hell” and the aforementioned accountability, along with things like letting me know he loved God more than me and always seeming to walk in while I was changing… I always felt owned by something. I never felt like my body or my identity belonged to me alone. And so it was extremely difficult to explore myself.

Sexual exploration became an outlet. I was asexual and didn’t possess sexual attraction or a desire for coital sex (still don’t), but I enjoyed kink play with my partner and playing with myself. I enjoyed porn, mostly stories. I always felt drawn to mlm porn, but never understood why. I saw myself in the big, fat men of the stories. I wished it could be me, wished I was a big hairy man like that. Wished I could be loved like that. Reading those types of erotica always got me off and made me feel relaxed and fulfilled, no matter what kink it regarded. Of course my mom would slutshame me without even knowing what I got up to, but sexual activity and pornography helped me find solace and ownership of my body. When I was aroused and taking care of myself, being taken care of, or taking care of someone else, I felt like I was finally in control of my body and my happiness. I had been sexually abused in different ways by different people throughout my life, and finding a certain safety and security in the kind of sexual activity I explored made me feel like...me. I found myself in those big men, but still didn’t make the connection that I was not cis.

It wasn’t until many years that I began to question my gender. First nonbinary, then agender, then genderfluid, then bigender, then nonbinary again, now finally transmasc. I am autistic and struggle with a resistance to change. I have struggled with shifting my name because it feels like a betrayal to become something new. So I have become Charis instead of Charissa...but I think I may be Myles instead. Since I have struggled with abuse and feeling owned my whole life, it is scary to take my self creation into my own hands. People I am close to have expressed concern and dislike for my transition--especially my mother. I came out to her two days ago over the phone when she guessed I was transgender--or “wanted a sex change” as she put it. She outed me to her anti-lgbt boyfriend without my consent, and now they want to have a discussion. She cried and told me it was too much and she couldn’t talk yet. I am still unsure of what to do about it. I know my mother is broken, and has come far from the cruelty she was once capable of--but she still swings. I see those shattered pieces and their sharp edges and know they have the ability to cut. It is terrifying.

Coming out, especially after so many years of abuse, has been absolutely terrifying and difficult. I am still navigating how to do it, especially with a name change. The clinic I am going to for hrt screwed up with their scheduling and had to reschedule me for later this month, a frustrating thing. I am looking forward to starting hrt, but also scared how people will treat me once those changes begin happening. Even with these fears and struggling with my interpersonal relationships...this is the greatest choice I have ever made. It is my truth and my freedom, and I will fight against that fear to become my most authentic self. I have an incredible partner by my side, and with their support and my own self love, I can do anything.

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theyaskedmeto · 4 years ago

Text

what i think each og new direction member's social media presence would be like

basically i’ve been doing nothing all day and i’m way too addicted to social media and i started thinking about this so here we are. also i’m just gonna pretend social media was a big thing when they were at school (it obviously wasn’t but lets pretend this is set in like 2016 or smth)

rachel berry

lets be honest rachel would be so damn annoying on social media (not like that’s a surprise tho she’s annoying anyway)

she’d definitely use instagram the most

she’d post photos of her and finn holding hands and caption it like ‘My world, I love this boy 🔐❤️🌏✨’ and then deletes them all when they break up

EXCESSIVE use of emojis

posts selfies and quote song lyrics in the caption

posts what she’s listening to on her stories (usually boradway) and feels very entitled because of it

posts singing videos

santana and brit probably bully her in the comments of her posts lbr

honestly i can’t see her having any other forms of social media tbh, she just always uses instagram

auto caps stay ON at all times bc it’s ‘against the rules of basic grammar’

tries to talk in the nd groupchat but no one likes her or listens. like ‘What song should I do for a solo this week’ and then it starts a massive argument

finn hudson

one of those boys who just takes photos of The Scenery™ and no photos of him

maybe posts some photos of him and rachel when they’re together though

actually he probably does the same thing as rachel like ‘Can’t believe this girl is mine 😍💗’ and commenting ‘Love You ❤️’ on her posts but it just seems v high school

probably not very active but uses instagram the most

does a lot of those ask thingys on instagram like ‘send me an emoji and i’ll say what i think about you’ LMAO

i feel like he’s not very involved with it because he prefers video games more lol

uses ‘😂’ unironically

auto caps on and doesn’t even know having them off is a thing

noah puckerman

USES SNAPCHAT. nothing else. but he does have insta

has sent streaks to everyone he’s friends with on sc and will continue to until he’s like 25

posts way too many mirror selfies with the flash on without his shirt off (ew)

literally never talks in the nd groupchat

auto caps on - actually he probably Types Like This All The Time

has A Rule that if he’s talking to a girl he has to not reply for at least 2 hours but if it’s a guy then he has to reply asap (bros before hoes type vibe)

blaine anderson

i really don’t think he’d use it that much??? i feel like he’d get too overwhelmed ahdkjhdjs

WAIT APART FROM TUMBLR

he’s probably very involved with tumblr and is part of the star wars fandom/marvel fandom

his ao3 history is between him and his computer only

ppl wanna be his friend on tumblr because he’s just nice and kind 🥺

he’s probably quite popular on there - has a lot of followers

but he doesn’t really use any others - has an instagram but there’s no posts on there

maybe he tries to spread awareness on his insta stories???

hates snapchat with a passion

uses :) :( <3 ;_; way too much (he’s on tumblr)

has auto caps off. like he’s a fanboy okay he’s on TUMBLR fgs.

occasionally talks in the nd groupchat but is normally a bit intimidated by all the arguments it causes

v open about his sexuality on his insta (has a 🌈in his bio🥺)

brittany pierce

she uses all of the main ones (insta and snapchat)

posts loads of photos of lord tubbington on there and adds loads of gifs on her stories

such!! a wholesome!!! insta page!!!!!

lots of mirror selfies with the flash on

bad spelling 😔

tries to do those story bingo things but gives up when she gets confused

also has another insta account to build her fondue for 2 channel

auto caps OFF

uses all the pretty emojis way too much like ‘went to the park 🏞 it was so ✨💗 fun!!! 🌸🌈☀️ we had a good time 😍’

is the QUEEN of the nd groupchat along with santana. tbh her and santana would just use it as their place to talk about everything rather than private messages

santanna lopez

her whole instagram is just selfies

uses snapchat quite a lot but when she gets older she stops completely and deletes it ‘snapchat is for straight ppl’

cyberbullies rachel ajhfdsjhd

does ops on her story and is just brutally honest to everyone who asks

auto caps stay on but sometimes she forces her keyboard to type all lowercase

NEVER uses emojis. not even :( or :) she just never uses them ever

has a tiktok addiction for when she gets sad about britt (especially s2 when britt isn’t with her)

kurt hummel

uses instagram to show off his outfits

especially when he gets older and lives in ny!!

there’d be such cute lil videos of him and blaine on his story like taking videos of his ootd and then blaine photobombing and then he zooms in on him and laughs ok i’ve thought about this too much

compliments all his besties on their photos like ‘So gorgeous 😍’

auto caps stay religiously ON but uses a lot of abbreviations like ‘btw and ily’ etc

in the early days of him and blaine being together, he’d be quite private about it but around the time just before he leaves for ny they get more public

only uses emojis for reactionary purposes eg. to compliment friends

posts photos of anything. honestly i want to see his insta it’d be so cute

has a private instagram for his close friends where he shitposts his whole life like ‘Dad’s taking us to get mcdonalds!!!!’ with blaine

sam evans

posts shirtless pics and all the girls thirst over him ajdhksjdk

uses insta more than snapchat but always sends streaks (maybe when he’s younger tho like around season 4 i don’t think he would be anymore)

also v wholesome though??? like i think he’d post pics of what flowers he got his mum for mothers day

posts pics of mercedes on his story when they’re together 🥺

posts his favourite songs on his story

auto caps ON bc he doesn’t know having them off is a thing lol

uses 😂 unironically

mercedes jones

doesn’t post much on any social media platforms but is always liking everyone elses posts and complimenting her friends

posts more on her story than anything else

when she gets more confident in herself tho, she posts more (especially when she moves to new york)

occasional photos of sam when they’re dating with a lil love heart emoji on her story

lots of emojis but she uses them when necessary

auto caps on!!!

tina cohen-chang

THE SAME AS RACHEL WITH MIKE but like 10 times less annoying and people actually care

literally the cutest couple on instagram with the new directions group

uses the nd groupchat quite regularly bc people actually LISTEN to her there

has a cute lil gc with sam and blaine with some weird ass name

switches to auto caps off after she goes through her goth phase

uses :) and :( and also a few pretty emojis eg. 💗☀️✨🌟💐🍬 to make her captions looks pretty

v quick replier

quinn fabray

this bitch has too many emotions for social media ok?

just watches tiktok to cheer herself up but it makes her more sad

has an instagram but never posts on there

if you wanna message her just text because she’ll never reply otherwise

disappears off the face of the earth during her skank phase. deletes her instagram and everything

auto caps on but it doesn’t even matter because she never even needs to use her keyboard

(we’re talking s3 tho. in like s1 she’d have been into it to keep up her persona lol. her insta would’ve defo had over 1k followers)

mike chang

uses insta more than sc and posts photos of him and tina on his story

fast replier - loyal king

fully ignores the nd groupchat because he avoids drama 😌✨

non caps because it ‘looks friendlier and not like you’re shouting’

will help you with your homework if you have any questions

like ‘hey have you done this english homework?? i can’t find any good quotes that’ll help with the question’ and he’ll reply fast with a whole list bc he’s an academic KING

would love to post some dancing videos but gets too scared :(

artie abrams

has no social media and is rlly annoying bc its so hard to contact him

auto caps on. i mean like how would u know having them off was a thing if you don’t have any socials

fully punctuates every text

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foryouthegays · 4 years ago

Text

techno liveblog w timestamps lets go for ‘a new home (dream SMP)’ stream

good laugh times: 00:13:50, 00:14:55, 1:38:45, ik it doesnt look like a lot but like u should watch the stream anyway bc philzas there and his laugh is amazing and they just go so well together

times techno calls phil his friend: 00:6:00 00:37:00, 00:45:17, 0:1:09:30, 01:11:15, 01:26:35, 01:50:05, 2:35:00

FSDJKFAF;LS HE KEPT THE MUTED INTRO IN JHKADFLS (ends at 00:1:25)

i like how, when faced with Leaving Youtube, techno would choose to be an author. i want a book by techno. reblog this if u want a book by techno (with an audiobook by him as well) /hj. 00:1:33

i love how he says ehhhhhh so much lskjhdfas (abt 2 mins in)

who the FUCK just remembers that the word fortuitous exists wtf 00:5:17

00:7:45 PHILZA TIME PHILZA TIME LETS GO

00:8:55 tommy time :/

0:14:10 rANBOO JUST WALKS IN, LOOKS AROUN ,AND LEA VE SIM CRYING

i love how much philza laughs at technos jokes bc pretty much everything he says IS a joke he just says it in such a serious voice that p much everyone else is like,,,yeah,,,,yup,,,,and phil just knows when hes joking and his laugh is so good with technos voice. sbi? whos that? i only know philza and technoblade

00:19:30 ghostbur joins! this is my first time hearin ghostbur btw

00:19:40 haha string axe technos so bad at crafting what a fool /j

00:21:07 ghostbur: “Even I remember how to make a fishing rod!” ghostbur u just MURDERED technoblade oh my god im gonna scream hgjdfksla i love ghostbur so much

00:23:55: GHOSTBUR NO!! DON’T DIE YOU’LL BECOME A DOUBLE GHOST!!!! -technoblade 2020

00:24:55 technoblade neva lies -guys he almost did the technoblade neva dies ahh!!!!!

i havent heard anyone talk about this but techno has a dedicated roleplay voice. like listen to him talk to tommy at 00:25:08. his voice gets more even, he uses names a lot more often (seriously, listen to his theseus speech. he says tommy so often, its incredible.), and his voice gets,,,,deeper? not deeper but smoother, in a way, and he repeats what he says for emphasis instead of humor. and his voice is louder, and he seems more assertive.

00:27:30 philza: where we goin, by the way? techno: to our- to my new home.

techno cmon let phil live w u wed get so much more content cmonn

00:28:50 the fact that he calls the manhunt theme “dream music” makes me laugh so hard. and then his version of it,,,,,m love he (also he sings it here and at 01:14:20)

00:35:10 why is ranboo so cryptic im-

why does he just casually know the word sentry wh at i hate him 00:39:45

this is the worst sentence (structurally) ive ever heard techno say im gonna cry 00:49:33 ‘im too busy thinkin of new ideas to sleep so i could actually execute them’ and tubbos *oh?* after is just hdsfgkjlka

LKSJDHFJK 00:51:49

00:54:30

techno: thats one of dreams powers, he can just stop the rain

tubbo, quietly: like jesus!

i love them sm dsfhkjla they kept going but i jus gdfhjksa jesus has op

techno @ being the second worst thing to ever happen to those orphans: haha funnie!!

techno @ having fun w religious stuff: i wILL BE CANCELLED NO-

00:58:10 “hey if ur [ghostbur] a ghost, do instant damage potions heal you now?” “...no,, they hurt me still :(” DSIULZKJHFSLKFJH

01:04:00 his brother named the cow bob im- aww

also he has a fanart wall again!!!

01:09:30 “phil, you’re the only friend i have left in this world.” aWWWWW HE GAVE HIM THE COMPASS

“dont smoke, it’s a joke” -technoblade 01:14:15

ROLEPLAY SPEECH VOICE IS BACK AT 1:16:10 “they pillage my base for everything i’m worth, they use me for the revolution, but oooOOOoo i took a pickaxe with his consent? oOOOooOo i’m a thief!”

holy shit 01:17:15 “you know what, phil? for you, the world, alright? it’s fine.” oH MY GOD HHHHGHG (context, right before they were arguing bc phil took some blocks from his base and techno thought that when he said phil could take anything he meant from the chests)

the COMIDY of that villager coming in and sleeping while techno was readin donos at 01:22:05 RIGHT AFTER phil freaked out abt inturruptin his dono readin im SFDHKJLA:

techno talkin bout the winstreak and how he wont be able to live up to that sort of playin at 01:22:30ish is super important and ill transcribe it tomorrow, but if u can id highly rec watchin it.

01:24:20 “[readin dono] what’s your favorite movie? uh, the princess bride is pretty good” techno ily that movie rocks also he said it so fast like hes ashamed of it noo

techno says no to canon ranboo son btw! 01:25:30

01:25:55 “i wasnt in that story, therefore it doesnt matter” all of technoblr be like

01:37:49 is great lemmie transcribe

“how have you still not gotten a second monitor?? holy shit.”

“let me tell you something. and im only telling you this because i know that so many people in the chat are gonna be furious. so i recently realized- i think the second monitor can just be any ol’ monitor, right? you literally just plug it in, and its set up? well i mean you have to turn on some settings, but like, thats it, or something?”

“yeah,,,,, uh techno you fuckin destroyed my chat, by the way, oh my god, [earlier techno told his viewers to twitch prime philza] there has been like 40 primes just flying through”

“yeahhh twitch prime!!! twitch prime philza yeahh!!! so anyways the other day, i like, i looked to my left, and realized that my old monitor has been like, five feet away from where i sit and stream for the last three years?”

“oh my god...”

“so i- i literally do not have to leave my room to set up a second monitor and i havent. and i’m still usin my laptop for this stream.

“is this gonna be one of those situations where you like, you have a thing, you just refuse to do the thing?”

“listen, my desk is-

“yOU STILL HAVENT OPENED UP THE HYPIXEL PACKAGE!!!”

“AHHHH I HAVENT OPENED UP THE HYPIXEL PACKAGE! I HAVENT EVEN OPENED UP MY MCC COIN! DUDE I HAVENT EVEN OPENED UP MY ONE MILLION SUBSCRIBER PLAQUE! ITS STILL THERE RIGHT BEHIND ME! ITs sTILL IN THE BOX! i never made a video on it....”

“bruhhhhh [philza laughs] thats FREE VIEWS what are you doing??”

“ill open it at 8 mil :/.”

“you could LITERALLY make a video of you just like, throwing it off a wall, and then thumbing up, like doing a thumbs up, and then that would be it. 10 seconds. ten seconds. thumb and elbow in shot. [laughs]”

techno is such a disaster i love him

01:34:18 the way techno says “tommy, that statement has NEVER been true” i dont like sayin i simp for block men but GOD sometimes his voice is nicer than usual hhhgn

“man i sure wish tommyinnit was in this stream” -nobody ever (just after previous timestamp)

01:40:15 is fuckin hilarious and im actually crying oh my god techno just says things and says them well with a completely straight face how does he do it

i cannot WAIT until theres a president w the last/first name andy so we can say president andy and think abt technoblade

IM CRIASDNGUSFHD 01:44:38 PHILZA LOOK OUT LOOK OUT PHILZA LSKJDAFJASD;LKF

i love when techno talks abt his vids. like u can tell he puts a lot of thought into the vids (esp these ones) and like at 01:47:00 he talks abt the “I DIDNT PUT DEAPTH STRIDER ON THOSE BOOTS, FUNDY!” and how its just that creepin realization that you were doomed from the start and how he made the armor, he isnt intimidated by the netherite bc he didnt enchant it all the way and only he knows that,,, and i just,,,hgg he

he reveals that hes writin the next arc at 01:48:00: “oh, speakin of arcs, chat, i’m writing the next arc. so, you know. hope nothin bad happens in two weeks, chat!” IM SO EXCITED like he clearly has his character fleshed out and is SO good at writing and retellin history im so so excited to see where he takes it AHHHH and also taht means he might stream more bc he might make his character more important (keep in mind this is the guy who wrote self insert hypixel fanfics. he has no shame in puttin himself first and i respect him so much for it)

01:51:20 “they’re tryin to get a second customer but they’re riskin their first” is lowkey a good line

has anyone else noticed that techno says wise a lot? like at 01:55:10 he literally says “wise dragon armor” as a joke but like i think he says wise so much BECAUSE of skyblock like hjkfdsla

01:57:30 techno plea se eat

ok 1:58:45 is hilarious and all but at the end of his ramble he says “come back, i miss you” and lowkey im crying

techno needs to stop knowing his audience more than we know ourselves im hsfkjda 02:05:25 “the chat’s spammin ‘eat technoblade, eat!’ like they’re not gonna start, like, theyre not gonna get super sad if i ended the stream right now, like theyre not gonna all cry ‘i miss technoblade *sniffs* why- whyd he leave to eat food, why did he listen to our advice noooo’”

02:14:50 NEW VIDEO POGGGG CARL THE HORSE POGGGGGG NOT A STREAM HIGHLIGHT POGGGGG

02:17:40 “i could start a potato farm out here to show how much ive changed” techno last time u made a potato farm u started an entire war that lasted a year that does NOT say calm and retired to me lskgdfjagsldj

02:23:00 why does techno just reference greek mythology so much. makin me scared for his arc.

also he talks abt smp earth a lot in this stream i love it so much

i also just. love?? how much sbi respect tommy like they bully him but when talkin bout him they just have so much respect for how much work he puts into youtube and i just,,,,hgnn they r friends

02:33:13 sbi streamer house lets go cmon

02:34:15 “i think if i streamed every day i could keep up” on one hand YE S but on the ohter oh god techno no we have to keep up tho

hearing techno say “violence isnt the answer” is so scary 02:35:40

02:37:30 technosneeze

hiS BROTHER SENT HIM 46 DISCORD MESSAGES SFKDJLFLKASF 2:49:25 i love his end screen so much hes just sadness,,,,retirement,,,t,echnoblade,,,the government is going to fall on its own due to lack of organization and ideals,,,,,,subscribe,,,,,sadness,,,,,also 2:50:45 is making me laugh so hard its just sad music and technos like??? whys phil in my house drinking milk?????

overall, fantastic stream, if ya want some chill techno philza content i highly recommend.

#stream post

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honourablejester · 3 years ago

Text

*cackles* Aww. Okay.

There’s a lady on youtube that I’ve been watching for the last couple of days named Ginny Di. She has a series of D&D roleplay exercise videos, where she plays various NPCs in various scenes, and the idea is you answer as your character. There’s one where you’re being treated by a healer, one where you’re being interviewed for a bodyguard position by a shady tiefling, talked at by a bored prison guard, etc … and one where a matchmaker, a priestess of Sune, is interviewing your character with the hopes of finding them a romance.

This is the absolute best, and the video is hilarious, so I wanted to try it. I was going to maybe try Hieronymus, or Naheel, but then I had a lovely, absolutely evil thought.

I could do it with Imsh. My poor bewildered orc cleric of Yondalla. I figure it wouldn’t be a stretch at all if one of his new halfling tribe wanted to help the poor guy out a bit and bullied persuaded him into it. With only his best interests at heart, of course. Heh.

He spent the entire interview absolutely petrified. Believe me when I say these were not questions he had ever considered before:

Imsh the Soft (cleric of Yondalla) answering Edith the Matchmaker (priestess of Sune):

Now tell me the name of the ravishing creature standing before me?

(after a long, confused second) Uh. Imsh. Imsh the Soft?

How old are you?

(thinks about it) Fine for warrior. Young for mother or priest?

Do you have a preference with regards to gender?

(thinks about that, slightly alarmed) Did not think before. Maybe … no? Thought about women. Mothers. But … don’t know?

Any objection to fangs, horns, wings, or tails?

(more alarmed) Uh. Do not think so?

Have you had a relationship before? How recent are we talking?

(shakes head rapidly) Have helped with whelping mothers, but not give good whelps myself. Too weak. No one would want Imsh.

And do you sleep in pajamas, or in the nude?

Uh. Clothes. People get strange if not. Do not want to frighten.

What would you say is your type? What do you find attractive about a person?

(a very long pause) … Strong. And soft. Can have both now. Found this out. Would like both.

Describe your perfect date. What would you wanna do? Where would you wanna go?

Uh. (panicky) Did not think. Don’t know? Maybe … maybe pretty place? Good shelter. Safe place. Uh. Give gift? Court gift. Good bone or tooth. Uh. Talk? Make place safe and talk?

Are you ready to settle down, raise a family? Or are you looking for something a little more casual?

(long silence) Would like whelps. My whelps. Would raise well, with new tribe. But always whelps to help. Whelps with no mother, can help those. Question is different. Don’t know. Can try many things? Find out.

Are you okay with long distance, or would you expect your partner to come with you?

Imsh go to partner. Especially if mother. Can travel and come back. Can come if want?

What about dealbreakers? Annoying habits, religious affiliations, pets? Anything you absolutely would not stand for?

Cannot hurt whelps. Or tribe. Will kill if do that. Will not … Will not want a priest of Shargaas. Gods like that. Gods that lie, and cull the weak. Do not want followers of those.

(For the following questions, to quote Edith, ‘if you haven’t dated extensively before, just think about your relationships in general. So, friendships, family, we can learn a lot from how you relate to people’.)

Are you usually the pursuer, or the pursued? Are you the one that breaks up, or the one that gets broken up with?

Uh. Do not pursue. Not good hunter. Will leave when approval fades. When hurt more than help. Will leave then.

Tell me, what went wrong in your last relationship? Do you take any responsibility there?

With Luthic. Goddess. And tribe. Was too weak. Made tribe weak. Hurt more than helped. Was not what mothers or Bear Mother needed.

Do you have a “one that got away”? Somebody you still think about a lot?

(blank face) Um. Don’t think so. Halfling goddess? But did not go away. Gave power. Healing. Very shiny. Promised to help her. Think about much, but did not go away.

(Now let’s talk about you (Imsh))

What kind of baggage are you carrying with you, what do you need to work on? Trust issues, abandonment issues?

(long pause) Cannot promise … will know what need. Learning. Slow. Always slow. Do not want to hurt. Maybe … not be hurt also? Too weak. Know that. But. Do not want.

If someone dates you, who are they really dating? Your party? Your patron? Someone else?

… Will choose goddess first. Yondalla. Promised to help her. Her tribe. Must keep promise.

How do you show someone you love them? And how do you want somebody to show they love you? Gifts, physical touch? Romantic words?

(panicky) Uh. Do not know. Not hurt? Help. Take blows. Fix. Fix wounds. Um. Give presents? Soft touch. Uh. Stop enemies? Protect. Always protect. Not help, sometimes. Make weak. Not wanted. But want to protect. Would maybe … like to be protected? (covers face in hands)

Do you have any powerful enemies who might want to use your partner as a way to get to you?

… Shargaas, maybe. Gruumsh. Not like halfling goddess, not like that Imsh help her. Uh. Old tribe. Not mothers. Mothers let own weakness kill. But warriors could try to hurt or kill.

(Now let’s talk about sexual compatibility, it’s important)

Would you describe yourself as adventurous?

(more panic) … Not. Not much so. Cautious. Weak.

Have your previous partners described you as good in bed?

(petrified) Uh. No. No partners. No.

...and should we believe them?

(blank incomprehension)

Any weird kinks I should know about? Shapeshifting, necromancy?

(absolutely freaking out) NO!? No dead things. No.

---

I suspect dating is going to be a very difficult prospect for Imsh. Heh.

#d&d #roleplay #ginny di #imsh the soft #matchmakers #panicky orc clerics

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dafukdidiwatch · 4 years ago

Text

Fantasy High Rant (and why you should watch it)

Ok I got suggested this and I cant believe I've been sleeping on this series in the last two years. This series is freaking fantastic! I’m screaming.

Overview is this is a modern d&d fantasy land a la Onward Style, where we follow fantasy Scooby Doo gang as they try to solve the mystery of missing students while interacting with the fantastical citizens of Spyre.

I hella love it, because while it has such a great mystery of whats going on in the town, who is doing what and why, etc etc, and it just GROWS the more you watch it. You think it was something simple, but the conspiracy rabbit hole gets deeper and deeper. But to me the main pull is just seeing how our Party just interacts with everyone and each other. This is a very character driven series, which makes sense this is a d&d party, you have to get attached to the party if you want them to work together.

Fabian Seacaster: God he’s fun to watch. The rich kid high class type of character but is just has so much gusto. I love his relationship with his family, it’s adorable. He just adores his parents and his parents adore him back. Like Addams style adoration. He is a bit full of himself and arrogant and has a thing of living up to his father's legacy as well as his family name, but I think his arc is him learning that he doesn't have to define himself through his dad and can be his own person. Plus my favorite moments are him screaming “WHAT IS HAPPENING” because out of everyone he mostly the straight man dealing with people.

Gorgug: I just love him. He is just so sweet. He is just a gentle giant and confused all the time. I feel so bad that he keeps getting the shit end of the stick to save the rest of the party. Like the whole "stealing backpack" shit to basically set him up as the outcasts of outcasts. Granted I’m laughing my ass off when it happens, but he is just so anxious it’s cute. He is just very sweet and genuine, even if he is a little awkward. I also love him just asking if people are his dad lol he just wants to know. But when he rages he’s basically God-Tier Shaggy.

Fig: lol her angsty teenage years finding out she isn't who she thought she was. Tbf her dad basically said she was the reason for her parents divorce soooo take that as you will. Her being the "bad girl" but also very helpful when she can is great. Her flirtatious punk attitude, the winking, and rocking bard stuff. I low key like the idea of her being with Gorgug because of the moments in Barbarian class and giving him drumsticks. And I also like her with Fabian as just a wild cool kid power couple. Also her fucking with Goldenhoarde is the best with her being sexual,with him. Its super funny.

Riz: I freaking love him. Kid detective on the case. The business cards for friendship which I mean, makes sense. His goal from day one was to find the missing girls and babysitter. I'm sorry he has a poor house to use water cereal, but his mom just loves him and I think that’s sweet. His family is the coolest and he isn’t afraid to admit how cool his family is. But he has direction, he has a mission, and he does it with determination. Plus I love how he is The Ball and everyone is just going with it and now supports it. Him fucking with Fabian is great. And I'm glad he is reconsidering his life choices after meeting the AV kids.

Adaine: She needs help. The panicking one. I mean, her family,obviously looks down on her and she is literally jealous of all the other kids parents (love the gnomes). She is learning to find her own magic her own way and trying to shatter the expectation forced on her. God I support her just fucking people up, especially with Pixie Boy.She is just trying to deal with things which honestly this adventure is getting her to open up and not take shit. Character Arc: Don’t Take Shit.

Kristen: I’m just watching a train wreck here. Like she was 100% Helios all the way. But now it is just watching her questioning everything about religion after dying. Its amazing from looking into other religion herself and just how it ALL escalates from there as she is pulled further and further away from her religion and old life. Learning that how she was raised was just so fucked. Like I'm just seeing how far this goes and if she will pick another god instead or just not be a cleric anymore.

Also I'm like never going to post a completed version of this post because I’m way too fucking obsessed. I went from ep 8 yelling about Kristen’s religious life to episode 13 plot-twist end. I basically am physically restraining myself from watching episode 15 before I type this or else this will never be typed. I can literally go off about all the characters there is just so many good moments.

Basically, check out the show yourself. It’s on Youtube, it’s hilarious. Watching the reactions and faces is just so much fun to see. 100% recommend.

Now excuse me while I scream spoilers for episode 8/13/14 underneath:

Midway through Ep 8:

Ok it was fucking Kristen! Like not her obviously, but she was the hellmouth! She was the initial sacrifice! Demon-Dad Garthox said that the Hellmouth can be opened inside a person, and Goth Kid Blane was working for the Harvestmen Helios to get that page. And lo and behold the page was in the corn vat that Kristen's book was pushed into! Coincidence? I think not!

They thought that it was somehow Adaine's magic that caused it, or the very least it was the bully,guy who chucked Kristen's book in. But no, the page was already inside her book and fell into the corn! If bully ass McGee didn't hit the book out of her hands, then she might have been the victim! Which makes sense, why not have a follower of Helios bring the end times in His name.

Which means that it could be Daybreak or her parents that gave her the page in her bible for this.

God,is this what Helios meant when it "wasn't her time?" Because she is needed as the Hellmouth Sacrifice?

And this makes the whole "sneaking into heaven" part make sense now. If Aguefort was trying to be assassinated by Helios, he could sneak into Helios Heaven and spy on them from the afterlife. He's a weird ass man I'm sure he can pull it off.

Also Fig's Dad is hella cool and I totally love him for,trying to be a parent and mature about this. Fig is totally supportive of him and I love it.

Ok I'm going back to finish episode 8 I just REALLY needed to rant about that.

Screaming about Episode 13:

The oracle was going to return,if the country was in danger. It was but she was,kidnapped/killed on an illusion ship to stop,her. Rix dad is a spy and he was 100%,super dope about it and him just finding his family secrets I was just crying like, he found his legacy, his entire family was,badasses he was so happy and took up his dad's gun for justice. Like how cool is it for a goblin spy,being small and already default evil to infiltrate that is so clever. That is what gets me on this show,is that they take these cool setting and ideas and how they are twisted to fit the fantasy. Cops? Fantasy cops. Skateboarders? Fantasy skateboarders.

Which lets be real, I think the best battle where they really,worked together was during the skateboarders.

This mystery is building and building and I,guess Penelope is,trying to,be queen,via homecoming queen which is,weird and has a Sarah berry vibe to,it. Which is fucking nuts.

Now I’m wondering if nice guy,pixie actually was in on it day 1, or if he was turned over after he was "beaten" like the bad guys offered him a way to make his dream girls his 2D pets. Which, gross. But Biz part doesn't necessarily fit with the main plot. He obv isn't behind this.

Kalvaxus is a demon with money. His money needs to be destroyed. So they are funneling his money through the banks. They used his ship in disguise to kidnap/capture/kill the oracle to prevent her from returning, which she said she would if the country was in danger. Yes the religious Harvestmen wanted to start the apocalypse via Kristen, but ass-elf diplomat said it wouldn't really work, but it would break the treaty and start war. Kalvaxus. Coach Daybreak had control,on Zane, who had control over Johnny Spells to kidnap girls, and since Alwin had a spell to find "maidens/virgins" they need the girls, either as a sacrifice or as conduits to power the arcane source. Was all of this to raise Kalvaxus from hell to the mortal world? That would explain the power source at the arcade with the trapped girls, to keep the connection going. The only,thing I can think,as to why Penelope would be as high up as she is in this conspiracy is if Kalvaxus is her dad. Which I guess,everyone has dad issues in,this group.

Side note, I appreciate how Gorgug thinks himself as,dumb but gets really smart ideas and the whole party agreed they are smart. Like,he was the first to,put 2 and 2 together about Kalvaxus== KVX bank, even if he didn't outright say it.

All,the adults are really,enjoyable,to see. I fucking love Rix’s mom shes so cool. And Gilear is actually really,pitifully funny. I wouldn't think I would like,him as much after that first episode, but he is actually hilarious being the lunch lad and just trying his best.

Live Screaming Episode 14 (lots of incoherent):

fucking He'll Riz got the drop on Biz but he fumbled the attack with a nat1.

Ah shit! This is their shit! The prizes are the girls shit as trophies. Zelda headphones. Skateboard girl. You need to give the items back!!!

Fig's German Shepard patrol finally works out

And Riz is now in Penny's game, oh this hurts because this is the girl that he wants to help.

Biz is like a terrible chucky cheese mascot.

I love it when Fabian says "whats happening" because for all his rich person elegance his bafflement amuses me.

It's so sad to see these girls just be this, shadow of themselves. Like no personality at all.

Adaine does will with the divination rolls, I don't think I,could be able to,do this that well.

Damn they are taking the girls,into the power source, they need girl power. Literally.

Gorgug is just so sweet to call his parents for help. Too bad it didn't work. Its a gnome game, sweet.

damn this is a lot more dangerous than before. This is why we don't split the party.

Make Gorgug fly again that would be awesome. But Adaine flying is good too.

Riz using his gremlin powers to fuck up the parascepts from the inside is fucking amazing, why the hell is it funneling to the school.

Sucks that Fabian just kept running all the way out the building. But lets say Fabian having that motorcycle is just so op. Plus it called him Daddy let's not forget that.

Gorgug using the headphones with Zelda’s music is just so sweet and clever. See hes a simple man but very smart. Practical I think.

Lol only the guys got sucked into the game. No girls in video game.

The Bebe raises Gorgug’s rage. Riz is right: hot topic vs av nerds.

Where is devil dad, like he wasn't kidnapped or kidnapped figs mom or whatever right??? Like i get suspicious when people don't respond immediately.

OMG Gorgug is God Tier Shaggy.

Biz is doing the Fantasy Truffle Shuffle.

Cut his wings Gorgug!

Riz!!! Keep her here!!! FUCK!!! HE DIDN'T!!! Biz is soooo creepy.

Yes! Keep the ghosts so sad I would love the bag of holding but too bad it didn't work.

Gorgug’s parents are just so freaking sweet and supportive.

Hold shit Gorgug’s honesty got him double crit. That sucks but I lowkey hope he keeps the white hair.

That motorcycle is so op. But hes in a racing game with the hangman, at least he has an advantage.

Kristen's philosophers are just so op. I love how her religion is just searching for eternal knowledge.

NAT 20 THE NAT 20 FUCKING YES LETS GO RIZ JUST FLIPPING IT OFF AND SCREAMING FUCK YOU holy,shit that was funny. Too bad it was wasted on such a dumbass moment.

Just smashed the palimpsest that's how the owlbear popped out. Wow it was hilarious how biz popped out. But holy,shit Riz not even giving biz a chance as he starts shooting off fingers that’s amazing

I love them fucking with him because hes an ass. Oh, Alwin modify memory to make him think it was his evil plan. You know still fuck him tho. Ugh are those pictures. No. They know it was the group and photos of their house. Ughhhhh and now things are getting more dangerous,

#dafukblog #fantasy high #fantasy high episode 8 #fantasy high episode 13 #fantasy high episode 14

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hauntednightmarekitty · 4 years ago

Text

The monsters within (1/2)

Word count: 5,356

Trigger/content warnings: swearing, homophobia, self-harm mentions, mentions of possession, demons, child abuse, mild sexual themes, nightmares, aggressive behaviors

A/N: read the warnings, I'm not trying to offend anyone. If there's anything that I forgot or anything that I need to tag just tell me, I won't be offended.

I walked through the school doors, trying my hardest to not draw any attention to myself. That worked until a brightly colored girl bounded up to me, holding a paper out. She had bright enough colors on her to almost instantly give me a headache and her bouncy brown hair was pulled back in multiple bright butterfly clips which I'm pretty sure haven't been popular since the nineties. She's an idiot and looks like she's five.

"Hey, you're Luna, right? I'm Lillie and I'm supposed to show you around today." She extended her hand towards me and cocked her head slightly.

She's doing this to get out of class. I looked coldly at her outstretched hand then up to her face and when it became obvious that I wasn't going to shake her hand she moved to fuss with her hair clips. "So, I should probably show you to your first class. Come on, it's this way." She waved me in the direction that she was moving and shoved her hands in her oversized sweatshirt pockets. "So why'd you transfer schools?"

"I got expelled," I responded without making eye contact.

"Oh! May I ask why?"

"I punched someone out of self-defense and my principle deemed it unnecessary violence and that I was an unacceptable repeat offender." You should've broken the guy's bones. He started the fight.

"Oh? So you started a lot of fights?"

"I never started anything, but I also wouldn't let myself be kicked around."

"I guess that makes sense." She stopped in front of a door labeled 'science lab' and turned to me. "This is your first-hour chem class." She smiled at me then her eyes fell on something on my chest. "Cute necklace. Are you religious?"

My hand immediately went to my cross necklace that I never leave the house without. She's prodding. "Yeah, I am. It's one of the few things I believe in." She's gonna judge you. They all do.

"I don't like all that stuff, but it's cool that you do." She turned away from me and bounced down the hall to show me to my next class. You've already managed to make her hate you. You know that not everyone likes religion. Get ready for another school of bullies and people who hate you.

"Hey, are you ok?" She tilted her head, looking into my eyes, closer than I realized she had gotten.

I jumped back away from her, clutching my cross necklace. "Yes! I'm ok! When did you get so close?"

"I was talking to you. Did you not hear me?"

"I didn't!" She thinks you're weird now. She'll hate you.

"Oh, well come on." She motioned me down the hall again and this time I stayed right on her heels. I looked back at the science classroom once more and as I did I saw him standing in the window. The shadowy figure that's been following me around for years. The figure with the bleeding red eyes. The figure that I only know as Mr. Poe. He waved at me, lit up from behind by the lights. A smile graced his blurry face and I knew that it would be in my nightmares tonight. I knew you'd fail so quickly. I knew that they would all hate you. His voice resonated through my head and all I could manage was a small head shake. You're going to get expelled again and it's going to be your fault. No. No! I promised daddy that I'd do better this time. I'll do better this time. You're a failure and a disgrace. You don't deserve all that you get. You deserve to suffer like the-

"Luna?" Lillie grabbed my arm, pulling my attention to her. I pulled away immediately, glancing back to where I saw Mr. Poe, but he was gone.

"Don't-" I huffed out, "don't touch me."

"Ok, we should be getting to your next class. I wanna get through your morning classes before lunch."

"Yeah… yeah ok. I'm coming. I just got distracted, I'm sorry, it won't happen again."

"You're probably just overwhelmed. I get it." She turned heading down the hall once again.

Mr. Poe was quiet the rest of the tour, only an incomprehensible whispering at the back of my mind instead of a ferocious screaming in my ear. He also only appeared occasionally in my periphery.

After Lillie showed me my first few classes she led me to the lunchroom and brought me through the lunch line. After we sat down a girl with bleach-damaged hair and a fake tan came over and knocked Lillie's tray into her lap.

"Oops, sorry, Lillith. I was just too distracted by your gaudy outfit to realize where I was going. I hope you understand, honey," she said in a sickeningly sweet voice.

Punch her. Beat her. Eat her. She deserves to be punished.

"It's whatever, Brittany," Lillie mumbled.

Punish her. That carelessness deserves punishment. But it's not my place to punish her. Lillith should. It's her place. Tell her she should. She's letting them walk all over her. It's not my place, Mr. Poe.

"Well, I have to get going before your clothes burn my retinas. I hope you understand." The girl with the fake tan walked away to sit with a group of equally fake girls.

Bitch.

Lillie stood, wiping her face. "I should probably go clean up. Here's your schedule," she handed me a piece of paper then left before I was able to say anything.

I didn't see her again for the rest of the day and I was left to fend for myself and figure out where each class was.

When I had gone home I went straight to my room, not letting any of my younger siblings ask any questions or talk to me, and they all knew to leave me alone.

That next day my dad drove me to school and when I got there Lillie met me at my locker with a smile on her face.

"I'm sorry about yesterday," she said, chipper as ever. "By the time I had finished cleaning up, lunch was out and I couldn't find you anywhere. I hope there are no hard feelings."

She had your schedule, she was just trying to get away from you. "Didn't you have my schedule?" I asked, not even looking at her.

"No, I gave it to you, silly. I just wanted to know if you wanted to sit with me at lunch and I can walk you to your first class."

"I'm good. I don't need your pity, I can make it to my first class by myself, and honestly, I would prefer not to sit with you."

"That's fine, it's not a big deal for me."

Why isn't she listening to you? "I told you that I am fine."

"My class is just next door to yours."

"Fine, whatever. You can walk with me." You're weak to give in like that. What did you want me to do? She wasn't going to take no for an answer.

Lillie squealed, looking very pleased, and walked with me to my first class, talking my ear off the whole time about things that I could not recall if I tried.

I managed to eat lunch mostly by myself by sitting in an empty classroom. I'll never totally be by myself since Mr. Poe is always with me, but it's a start to not have any humans in my presence. I looked towards the chair next to me and saw him sitting there, his head, or rather where his head would be, on the desk in front of him. His sharp teeth showed just barely as he smirked.

So, do you have something you want to tell me?

I have no idea what you're going on about.

You would never give in like that. There must be something about this Lillith character that appeals to you.

She's just relentless. Doesn't take no for an answer. She would've just kept badgering me if I hadn't agreed to her walking me to my next class.

Homosexuality is a sin and you know it.

You're right.

She's just pitying you. She feels bad for you. She doesn't actually like you.

You're not telling me anything that I don't know, Mr. Poe.

A boy walked in before Mr. Poe could say anything more and when I looked over at him he was gone. The boy looked at me with hazel eyes, his auburn hair was pulled back from his face with a spider clip and he wore an orange sweater and black skinny jeans. He reminded me of the pumpkins that my siblings carved last night in preparation for Halloween.

"What are you doing hiding here?" He asked, sliding into the chair previously occupied by Mr. Poe.

"I could ask you the same thing," I replied.

"The lunchroom is too loud. Your turn to share now."

"I like to be alone with my thoughts."

"Sounds boring."

"Not when you have as many thoughts as I do." I looked towards the corner where I could feel Mr. Poe's presence and he stood there, still smirking.

The boy looked towards where I was looking but just became confused. "What're you looking at?"

"Nothing, my mind just wanders."

"So, what's your name?"

"Luna. And yours?"

"Taylor. Nice to meet you, Luna."

"Likewise."

Now that's a homosexual if I've ever seen one. Hush, Mr. Poe.

Taylor glanced at the clock, then stood. "We should probably start heading to class. Lunch ends in thirty seconds."

When I got home after school my siblings all crowded around me asking questions about school. In my family, father doesn't let the little kids go to school until they're in ninth grade, which causes the kids who are still homeschooled to be curious about the older kids' school days.

I eventually managed to make my way to my room and close myself in, but the second I did my little brother, Thomas, walked in and sat next to me on my bed.

"How was school today?" He asked.

"Not great, Tommy, Mr. Poe has been especially active today. He was enjoying making fun of me all day."

"Your demon friend?"

"He's not exactly my friend. It's not like I want him there, he just stays."

"Why was he bothering you?"

"Because it's his job."

"Why does he follow you?"

"Who knows. It could be anything." You know exactly why I follow you. You failed. You deserve to be tortured.

"Does he hurt you?"

"No honey. He's never touched me. Now go play with the others, you shouldn't have to worry about me."

"Ok, Luna." He got up and left, glancing over his shoulder once before he completely left the room.

When I walked into school, Lillith instantly grabbed my arm and led me into an empty classroom. I opened my mouth to try and ask what she was doing, but she pressed a finger to my lips, a smile playing across her own.

"Is this ok?" She asked, her mouth impossibly close to mine.

All I could manage was a weak nod and her lips pressed against mine, feeling so impossibly good. Tasting so impossibly good. It was so wrong, but I couldn't refuse this. After a moment my body relaxed against her own and she lifted me, setting me on a desk.

Father would be so disappointed in me if he found out and mother would be beside herself, but that couldn't make me stop. I was for once living in the moment and loving every moment of it.

Lillie's lips grazed across my jaw and she tilted my head to the side, her hand gripping my head to keep it there while her other hand snaked up my skirt to hook onto the waistband of my tights.

A low whine escaped from my throat and a smirk formed on Lillie's perfect lips.

"Do you like that?" She whispered into my ear, beginning to pull my tights down further. I nodded a little, burying my face in her neck and she giggled against my hair. "You know that you'll be sent to hell for this." Her gentle hands turned painful and she pulled my hair causing me to be forced to look her in the eyes. Her eyes were blood red, bleeding, reminding me heavily of Mr. Poe's.

"Why do you submit to something that you know is wrong? Something that you know will doom you. Something that you know your family would be disappointed in."

"I- I don't know!" I said.

"Your father would hate you for this!" She said, her voice slowly but surely distorting.

"I know he would!"

"Then why would you do it?"

I woke up in my bed in a cold sweat, the sounds of my older sister asleep filling the room. I looked around to find nothing out of the ordinary. You dreamed about her. It means nothing. I swung my legs over the edge of my bed, bare feet hitting the cold wood of my floor. But you didn't just dream of her. You dreamed of kissing her. I did, but dreams are random. I stood, pulling on a pair of tennis shoes and grabbing my fuzzy coat. You dreamed of her dominating you.

I pulled open the front door graced with the cool night air. I stepped out, heading towards the worn path into the woods around my house. You want her. That's a sin. I would never. You want her to kiss you and touch you. I don't. You're going to hell for these thoughts. It was a harmless dream. You're going to hell and it'll be your fault. I won't. I'm not. It was just a dream.

A cool breeze blew past me, blowing my hair away from my face and sending a chill down to my bones. I pulled my hood up, apparently finally satiating Mr. Poe for the time being. The first time Mr. Poe had reached out to me was when I was six. Mom had punished me for lying to her about finishing my veggies. I was in my room, sad and pained when Mr. Poe came up to me and told me that he could help me.

He seemed like a friend at first. He played with me and helped me to feel better when I was sad. But what had seemed like the perfect friendship quickly turned into a nightmare. He started heckling me and pointing out my mistakes. My flaws. He was yelling at me. Pointing out people who hate me, calling me names, making me feel worthless. He's the reason why I was so angry, he pushed me to finish fights. He tells me it's because I'm a bad person that has bad desires and over the years I've grown to believe him.

These feelings are unnatural. He was walking beside me now, a blur just a few feet away. His blood-red eyes are the only thing standing out. I know that these feelings weren't ones that I should pursue. I know that these feelings are ones that I should repress. I don't know why they were bubbling to the surface tonight, but I wish that they'd just leave me alone. So you finally admit that this might be something more. You're a demon, aren't you? Smart girl. Then why are you trying to keep me on the straight and narrow? Why not try to convince me to go for Lillie? Because, my sweet girl, I don't care what you do. You could walk the straight and narrow or you could sin your little life away, but either way, I'm going to find some way to torture you. I thought you would've understood that by now, but I guess you sin too much to realize that I'd hurt you either way.

The wind blew my hood down, causing my hair to flutter in the breeze. He would hurt me no matter what. He doesn't care if I'm good or evil he just cares about hurting me.

Now you're getting it, my little moon child.

I turn and dash towards the house, trying to outrun him even though I know it's useless. He'll follow me forever.

Lillith meets me at my locker the next morning as usual. Her demeanor was even more excited than normal, and she was practically bouncing on her toes.

"Luna," she squealed, "you transferred at the perfect time! The Halloween festivities are next week and you should go with me!"

"Why would I want to go with you?" I asked.

"Because it'll be fun!"

"I seriously doubt that it'll be any fun."

"Please, Luna. I would love you for it."

"Fine. I'll consider going with you."

"Thank you!" She bounced on her toes and practically lunged towards me to pull me into an uncomfortable hug.

"Please let me go! I don't appreciate this physical contact!"

She pulled away, still smiling. "I'm sorry, I just got excited."

You're actually considering it. I'm not. Besides, father would never let me go. Just lie to him then.

"We should probably get to class." Lillie gently pulled on my sleeve.

"Yeah, I'm coming." I closed my locker, following her down the hall.

You would never consider this any other time. I'm not considering it. I just said that to get her off my back. Doubtful.

Lunch came around and I retreated down to the practice rooms to attempt to get away from everyone. The practice room I had chosen to hide in just happened to have a piano. Father made me learn how to play the piano in elementary school to try to distract me from Mr. Poe. It didn't work. And he didn't want me playing with and corrupting the younger kids. It just makes them more curious. Your dad is an idiot and you know it.

I sat on the bench, gingerly lifting the cover off the keys. I spent many hours in front of the piano during my childhood. It did help distract me, but only while I'm playing. Only while I had an outlet. Nonetheless, it was something that I loved that I did often. My fingers trailed across the cold ivory keys. I'm sure there were so many before me that have used this piano, and so many people after me will use it.

I started to play a simple melody, one I learned so many years ago. The keys felt familiar under my fingers and my mind went to its happy place; finally forgetting about everything and everyone. I slowly made the melody more and more intricate and complex, building it up more and more.

I was right at the biggest part when someone grabbed my shoulder and I jumped out of my seat, screaming.

"Oh my god," Lillith said and grabbed my arm. "I didn't mean to spook you like that. I thought you heard me come in."

"Well, obviously I didn't!"

"Well, I'm really sorry."

"Whatever." I smoothed my hair down and fixed my blouse before I turned back to the piano and rested my fingers on the keys. "What exactly do you want, Lillie."

"Oh, I just had to give a note to the choir teacher, so I decided to do it during my lunch and when I came down here I heard someone playing the piano." A blush dusted her cheeks. "So I decided to peek in to see who it was and when I saw it was you I wanted to say hi."

"Hi," I said, sarcasm dripped off my lips. "Can you leave now?"

"What were you playing? I don't see any sheet music."

"It was something that I just created. I wasn't looking at music."

"Wait, so you're telling me that you just came up with that on the spot." I nodded a little. "Oh my god! That's so cool! You're so cool!"

"I'm not that cool." I repositioned myself on the bench, a hand instinctively went to the back of my neck.

"Don't belittle yourself."

"I'm really good at undermining myself. Nothing you say will be able to stop that." We both know that you're lying to her.

"Are you sure that I can't convince you?"

"Yes. Yes, I'm sure. Now leave me alone."

She bit her lip and took a step towards the door. "I should probably go find the choir teacher anyway." She rolled her shoulders, and lifted her head, dispelling any sense of the disappointment that she surely felt. "See you tomorrow?"

"I'm sure you'll meet me at my locker."

"I'll take that as an invitation!" She turned to leave.

"Don't-" but she left before I could say anymore and I was left to just smile and shake my head.

Why are you smiling? Shut up.

"Good day?"

I jumped at the sound of his voice and looked back to see Taylor standing in the corner near the door.

"When did you come in?" I asked as I faced the piano again.

"When Lillith left, I snuck by her."

"I didn't hear her greet you."

"She doesn't particularly like me."

"What do you mean?" I turned towards him. He was looking out the window on the door. "She likes everyone, doesn't she."

"Not me." He still wasn't looking at me.

"What'd you do to her?"

"I swear I didn't do anything." He raised his hands and finally looked at me.

"Why should I believe you?"

"Because I wouldn't lie to you, Luna. You're cool and I've never had a friend like you. I wouldn't screw this up by lying to you."

"I still have no reason to believe you."

"How about trust?"

"Trust is to be earned."

"How do I earn it if you won't trust me?"

"I do not know. I guess you have to figure it out if you sincerely want my trust."

"I guess you're-" Taylor stopped mid-sentence and his face went ghastly pale. He lifted a shaky finger towards the opposite corner and said: "Luna, what the fuck is that?"

I look over to where he's pointing and see Mr. Poe with a confused expression on his almost featureless face. He sees me. How does he see me? He shouldn't be able to see me. I'm your demon, not his.

"You see Mr. Poe?" I asked.

"That fucker has a name?"

"Yeah, he's been following me since I was six years old."

"What is it?"

"He says he's a demon. He used to be super nice to me, but as of late he's been more aggressive than normal." I am not aggressive to you. You said that you want to torture me. I don't physically injure you, therefore I'm not aggressive. The mental injury still sucks. You suck.

"You have a demon following you around?"

"Basically. Nobody else can see him though."

The bell rang which signaled the end of lunch. Taylor gave Mr. Poe one last look, and Mr. Poe emitted a low growl which scared Taylor off and he left the room without another word.

After I got home Tommy came up to me and pulled on my sleeve as he tried to get my attention. I crouched down to him and he looked me in the eye.

"Why'd you leave in the middle of the night last night?" He asked, never scared of confrontation.

"You saw that?"

He nodded, still giving me no room for escape.

"Because I had a nightmare, which unsettled Mr. Poe, so I took a walk to clear my head and to calm Mr. Poe down."

"Did your demon see your nightmare?"

"Yeah, he knows everything that goes on in my head. It's kind of unnerving."

"Luna May!" My mom scolded, holding her wooden spoon tightly. "What did I tell you about discussing your demons with the little kids?" She walked closer and Tommy fled at the sight of her. "I don't want you corrupting them. They're too young."

"I wasn't corrupting him, mother." You know that talking about me is against the rules. "He had a question, so I answered it." You always break the rules, you failure. "I didn't want him to worry about me." You deserve the punishment that's coming. "Please don't hurt me."

"ENOUGH!" Mother yelled as she struck me across the face. "Begging is prohibited and you know it." I held my cheek and looked at her, betrayal evident in my eyes. She struck me across the other cheek then turned to leave. "Go to bed without supper tonight."

"But mother-"

"That is an order. Unless you want worse."

"Yes mother."

I silently passed Tommy - who was hiding behind the corner - and went into my room where I'd be spending the rest of the night.

The next morning Lillith met me at my locker as always. She heard my stomach grumbling and offered me a muffin from her breakfast which I happily took.

"So," she said as I scarfed down the muffin, "have you decided whether you're going to go to the Halloween festival with me?"

"It's been a day since you asked." She's asking out of pity anyway.

"Oh come on, it would be so much fun."

"I just don't know."

"It would make me so happy, Luna. Please just this one time."

"Fine, I will go with you."

"Yay!" Lillith exclaimed whilst hugging me. "You don't understand how much this means to me! Thank you so much!"

"Okay! Okay! Enough with the hugging." I pushed her off of me, but that dopey grin remained on her face. "I get that you're happy, but there are other ways of showing it."

"I'm sorry, I just got excited. I didn't mean to make you uncomfortable."

"Whatever… we should be getting to class, the bell will ring soon."

Lillith walked with me to class like always, and the dopey grin had never left her face.

As I waited for my father after school I had just happened to wander behind the school out of boredom. I was examining the trees when I heard the back door open, so I quickly hid behind the tree that I was previously examining.

"Why don't you just leave me alone?" Lillith's voice flitted up towards me.

"Why don't you make me?" A masculine voice responded.

I peeked around the tree and saw Lillith on her knees in front of a boy, two other boys holding her arms to keep her from fighting back. Her head was bowed as she kept from looking into his eyes.

She didn't say anything in response to him and he spit in her face. "Do something about it, freak!"

She shook her head, as tears welled in her eyes and the boy just pushed her down before motioning his minions back into the school with him. "It's not fun if you don't fight back, dyke."

Once she was alone Lillith let out a sob and sat up. She wiped her eyes on her sleeve and after she took a second to let her tears stop before she pulled a pocket knife out of her pocket. She flipped it open and examined it a minute, then she pulled up her sleeve revealing lines of cuts marking her whole arm. She pressed the knife to her skin causing a little blood to bead to the surface, but before she was able to cut any deeper her phone rang and she answered it with no hesitation.

"Hey, mom," she said, her voice cheerful once more. "Yeah, I'll be out front… yeah I did… love you too, mom."

She looked down at her knife, wiping the blood off of the edge with her fingers then pocketed it once more. She glanced around then walked around the school to, presumably, meet up with her mom.

You just watched her. It wasn't my place to step in. You were just going to let her hurt herself. She would've been embarrassed if she knew I were here. She was in distress and you did nothing. Her life isn't mine to live. She can make her own decisions.

I waited to make sure that she was gone then walked around the school myself to meet father. If I keep him waiting too long I'll get in trouble.

The next morning, Taylor cornered me in a classroom, his face a mask of contentment. My back hit the wall and I had nowhere to escape to. Nowhere I could run. I was stuck to face Taylor in all of his angry glory. He got closer and he pressed his body against mine, making sure I could go nowhere.

"You would seriously choose her over me?" He yelled right in my face.

"What are you talking about? Who would I choose over you?"

"Lillith. You'd rather hang out with her than me." His fingers gripped my shoulder and inflicted pain as they got tighter.

"You never asked me to hang out. How was I supposed to know that you wanted to?"

"You never asked." His face got closer to mine and tilted a little. "It doesn't matter anymore, I'll just take what I want." His lips hit mine as one of his hands made its way to my hair. The hand in my hair pulled to keep my head in place.

I pressed a foot to his stomach and tried to create some space between us, but he just pressed in further and trapped my leg between us.

I woke up in a cold sweat; my hands clutched my blankets nearly ripping them and my sister slept just feet away. Do you not trust Taylor? It was just a dream. We've been over this before. Because you shouldn't. I pulled on my shoes. You barely know him. I grabbed my coat off its hook. He could be anyone. I pulled my coat on over my pajamas. He could be out to hurt you. I opened the outside door and stepped into the cool night air. I took a deep breath in an attempt to try to settle myself and Mr. Poe.

It worked to some extent, Mr. Poe backed off and quit trying to freak me out about Taylor, but I could still feel his presence at the back of my mind.

I took my normal trail. The one that I always took after a particularly bad nightmare. I managed to make it pretty far into the woods before I saw Taylor crouched down to look at a flower.

"Taylor?" I asked and rubbed my eyes.

"Luna!" He smiled as he pulled me into a hug. "What're you doing out here?"

"I was just going for a walk. I couldn't sleep. What about you? I've never seen you around here before."

"I have a lot of trouble sleeping, so I enjoy exploring at night. Everything else is peaceful and the woods are so pretty."

"Oh, the cool air just clears my head." Nobody comes around here. Is he stalking you?

"I decided to take a new route today and I guess it just happened to be the one that you take. Isn't that ironic?"

"Are you following me?"

"I would never. I can't believe you think so little of me."

"Well, our house is kinda isolated from town and it's a distance to walk, so it's just hard to believe that you just stumbled upon these woods without previously knowing where they are."

"Luna!" I turned towards the voice calling my name and saw my older sister, Victoria, running towards me. "What're you doing out here? Who were you talking to?" Her breath clouded in front of her. She had her hands shoved in her pockets and was shivering.

"I was talking to Taylor." I looked over to where Taylor was, but he was no longer there. "I swear he was right here."

"Let's get you inside." Victoria slid an arm around my shoulders and pulled me into her side. "It's cold out, I don't want you catching a cold or anything."

I allowed Victoria to walk me home and tuck me back into bed. It makes her feel better to take care of me, so I let her. Keep telling yourself that.

#tw swearing #tw homophobia #tw sex mention #tw sex assault #tw child abuse #tw demons #tw possession #tw self harm #tw cutting mention #tw nightmares #tw night terrors #haunted writes #lgbtq+#lgbtq characters #i believe I got everything #message me if there's anything I misses #tw long post

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moonlightmurder · 5 years ago

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Robert Mark Steele : The Gentle Giant

Allan Chisholm was the boss of Goulburn Jail when numerous murders happened. When asked if it took a toll on him, he said only one death did and it wasn’t a murder, “Sure it does affect you — watching a man die is not pleasant — but with all of them…well… it was just part of the job. But there was a particular death during my time at Goulburn that stands out. One that really got and one that I am still saddened by now.“

“Hey you, retard,” the inmate yelled, throwing a handful of food slop.

“Yeah, you, dumb shit,” he continued to bully as the leftover meat and veggies slid down the target’s spine. “You giant piece of spastic shit. I’m going to hurt you. Hurt you real bad.“

Backed by a posse of tattooed arms and battle-scarred heads, the big-mouthed man stepped in. His leading left crashed into chin. His right, the enforcer’s trusted knock-out blow, slammed into temple.

The ‘giant piece of spastic shit’ shook his head. “Don’t make me hurt you,” he said. “I don’t want to have to hurt you. No trouble, please.“

The prison heavy went red with rage.

A body shot this time.

Wrong.

The giant wrapped his hands around the attacker’s neck, and with nothing more that a flick of his wrists and should twitch, he lifted the prisoner into the air.

“I told you!” the giant screamed.

The force of the blow that followed knocked the name-calling, food-throwing man out cold.

“He never hurt anyone unless he had to,” recalled Chislom of Robert Mark Steele, a man imprisoned for his role in five murders.

“Only one that I can recall. He was a bit like the guy from the movie The Green Mile — a gentle giant who looked like a killer. He was simple but kind, and could have destroyed anyone in the jail but didn’t. He was that sort of inmate. I really had a soft spot for him, and I don’t think he should have even been in jail.“

March 1993,

The rays of the rising summer sun, hot enough to wring steam from the damp grass, could not drive the evil away.

The light did not deter the devil.

“I ain’t going out without a fight,” said self-described sociopath Leonard Leabeater, surrounded by police in a Hanging Rock Station farmhouse at Cangai, New South Wales. “I’m going to make sure they kill me.“

He hugged the shotgun like a teddy bear as he reflected on the two hostages he had just released : Trevor Lasserre, 11, and his sister, Tonia, 6.

“I don’t kill people under 12,” he boasted. “I’d rather be in South Australia killing cops.“

Leabeater had let the children go shortly after fellow fugitive Raymond Basset surrendered himself to police; the 25-year-old wasn’t ready to die. The third murderer, Robert Steele, 22, stayed with Leabeater even after the children had been released. Like Bassett, he didn’t want to be shot down in a hail of bullets, but he couldn’t leave the man who had taken him in, either. Steele believed Leabeater was the religious prophet of the spirit Astra. He had followed Leabeater, who foretold that his own death would come when he was killed by a warlock, without question. But with the death he predicted drawing near — it would later be revealed he told his sister he would die on an altar on the fourth month of 1993 — Leabeater instructed his loyal follower to leave. He told him to walk towards the light.

At 6am Steele strolled from the farmhouse, calmly smoking a Winfield Red, and handed himself over to police.

But Leabeater remained in the dark. The fresh sun, the threatening guns and the pleas driven through police-issue PAs not stopping him from claiming one last life — his own.

After a 26-hour siege, the nine-day rampage that saw Leabeater, Bassett and Steel kill five people was finally over. Leabeater’s body was found lying on a blood-soaked bed, a half-smoked cigarette still gripped between his fingers.

A shotgun was lying next to the remains of his head.

Bassett and Steele were charged with the murders of a pregnant 14-year old, whose charred remains were found on a Queensland farm; three miners, all shot in the head and two thrown from a cliff; and a helicopter mechanic murdered near Mount Isa.

Bassett was given two life sentences for the shocking crime. Steele received five life sentences plus 12 years without the possibility of parole.

The giant Steele, 130kg of bulk and brawn, was sent to Goulburn Jail. That’s where he pulled out a packet of Winfield Reds and offered it to the boss.

“I smoked Marlboros, and he looked at them and told me they were no good,” recalled Chisholm. “He offered me his whole pack. I remember that because no one in prison had ever offered me anything, and smokes were a very big deal to them. They are like gold in prison. That was the first time I saw his good heart.“

The next time Chisholm saw the giant’s kindness was when he reluctantly flipped the bully.

“A crook was picking on him,” Chisholm said. “He was a heavy and he was giving Steele heaps because he was simple. The guy was in high-security because he was a handful; someone who couldn’t be contained elsewhere. He was a tough bloke, but he picked out Steele. It was a huge mistake. Steele upended him and knocked him out with a single blow. He could have kept on going, but he walked away. He didn’t hurt him more that he had to, and I was there soon after the fight. He was apologizing. ‘It’s not my fault, chief. He was picking on me. I’m sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry. I didn’t mean to hurt him so bad,’ he said.”

Chisholm knew Steele was telling the truth. “He could have killed the bloke if he wanted to — and everyone else in the room — with his bare hands. But he was just protecting himself.“

Chisholm found Steele to be incredibly kind but easily led. “He was involved in that hostage thing,” Chisholm said. “He was involved in the killings and the siege, but it was a cult-type thing and he was very young. I’ll go further than that — to be blunt, he was retarded. He wasn’t all there. He was the youngest, and he was taken advantage of. He was like a big kid who is extremely strong. He believed in what the other two were doing and he did as he was told.“

Chisholm became fascinated with the behemoth man-child.

“I was always in close contact with Steele,” Chisholm said. “And I built a rapport with him, mainly because we initially thought he was going to be such a threat to everyone else in jail and a major problem. But he didn’t hurt officers or anyone else. I would tell him to get back to his cell and he did. I honestly believe he should have not been in jail. He should have been in some psychiatric facility. He was a child trapped in a giant’s body. Yes, he deserved to be punished because of his horrendous crimes, and he couldn’t live in society, but Goulburn wasn’t the place for him, and it would kill him.“

Chisholm got the call on Christmas Eve, 1994.

“He’s dead, boss,” said an officer. “You better come down.”

Steele was on his knees, a twisted blanket the only thing stopping his head from falling onto the cell floor.

“About 12.05 am we got a call to say he had necked himself,” Chisholm said. “He was so big that he had to kneel down and fall forward to get enough tension on the sheet. He had tied it to the cell bars and pulled forward until he was dead. It took us ages to get him out of the cell because he was so big. It was really a horrible thing to see.“

Steele was to spend Christmas in solitary confinement after threatening to go out with a bang.

“I went and saw him on the Christmas Eve because of somme allegations he had made,” Chisholm recalled. “He always said that he was going to go out with something big and that he was going to make headlines. He said he would take officers with him, and that he would do it on Christmas Day. We didn’t think he would harm anyone, but we had to take the threat seriously. He could have cause absolute havoc in the prison. We would not have been able to handle him. It would have taken lots of men to contain him, and there would have been a lot hurt.

So we put him in segregation for the night. We told him no officer was going to go near him because of what he had said. We told him no officer would come, even if he knocked. They would have to call me first, and I would come and see him. He assured me there would be no problem. He seemed absolutely normal.“

The next time Chisholm would see Steele, the prisoner would be dead.

“It was a complete shock. We had no idea he would hurt himself. We were worried about others, not him. It’s the prison death that has affected me the most. It was such a sad tale, and I still think about it now. “

Sources: Australia’s Most Murderous Prison : Behind the Walls of Goulburn Jail and The Sydney Morning Herald.

#true crime #true crime research #tcoriginal #robert mark steele #my posts

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curlytemple · 4 years ago

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niche interests list

okay sure yes this is fun! i havent posted a thing like this in such a long time. thank you new gal pal @scottspack for tagging me!

pigs????

alright first lets throw it back to preschool! my fav childhood toys were my baby doll (snookums) and a plush pig that my grandma got me that i just called ‘pig’ ...i watched the babe movies countless times, and piglet? that anxious little guy GETS ME bro. when my preschool did a nativity play and my class got to choose an animal to be in baby jesus’ manger, my mother recalls me saying that i would be a pig because jewish people (jesus christ) wouldnt eat me. she has no idea how or when i learned about kosher foods. ironically despite my namesake i was too afraid of the movie charlotte’s web to watch it more than once because the scary farmer tries to kill wilbur for being small and the pretty spider dies.

sugar creek gang

OKAY this is a book series from the 40s-70s about a group of christian little boys in indiana who went on adventures in the woods and helped people. my dad read a LOT of chapter books to me as bedtime stories when i was little (see also the mandie series, nancy drew and the hardy boys, little house on the prairie) but sugar creek gang is one that really hit. i read all 36 books with dad and at least once again on my own. there was a series of 4 or 5 movies in the early 2000s when i was the Perfect age to have a crush on most if not all of them. this might be too much detail but i have to tell you about these boys. we WILL not be revisiting the heavy religious themes.

the narrator is bill who is Good and Kind and wants to be a doctor when he grows up. his best friend is a chubby boy nicknamed poetry because he memorizes and quotes poems, he is the Detective of the group. BIG JIM is the leader of the group who is supposed to be like, 14, which was very cool and hot, to me. and yes there is a little jim, who is the baby of the group. then there is CIRCUS who is known for his climbing and acrobatics, and his FIVE SISTERS AND BEAUTIFUL SINGING VOICE. dreamboy. i’m almost done listing boys, i promise. a boy called dragonfly who is allergic to everything and hella superstitious. later in the series a new boy named tom moves to town and tom has an older brother bob who is NOT A CHRISTIAN (bully)

tangentially, the buttercream gang, a movie from 1992 that was almost definitely made by some christians who grew up reading the sugar creek gang series which i’m guessing on vibes alone. will spare you Good Boy details but scott is in love with his best friend pete who moves to chicago and falls in with a bad crowd and scott just refuses to stop LOVING HIM. very gay christian film in retrospect.

peter pan

so i know liking disney’s peter pan isnt niche, but it was the way i liked it. tinker bell stan from day one, i watched all of those disney fairies movies, even the ones that came out after i was definitely not intended audience. there was an online pixie hollow game where you could design your own fairies and play mini games where you gathered dew drops or something. had a HUGE CRUSH on jeremy sumpter in peter pan (2003) then i got really darkly obsessed with the idea of growing up when i was 12 or 13, and everything peter pan was deeply My Shit for my entire adolescence. i read the original book and every other twisted version of the story i could find and seriously freaked myself out about wasting my youth.

shug

you’ve probably heard of jenny han now, or at least the netflix adaptations for to all the boys i’ve loved before and the sequel ps i still love you (always and forever, lara jean, coming soon?) but before she wrote THOSE, she wrote my first ever Favorite Book, about annemarie “shug” wilcox, a girl in the summer before starting middle school. it is SO engraved on my heart i cannot explain. i felt so incredibly understood and cant even tell you how many times i read it. thinking about all of the ways it made me feel SEEN is actually making me very tender so i’m gonna go on.

the summer series

on the subject of jenny han, since she was now my Favorite author, when she came out with the summer i turned pretty in 2009, i was ALL IN. it’s not summer without you, and we’ll always have summer were published the next two years. a coming of age series about a girl isabel “belly” conklin who stays at her mother’s best friend's house at the beach in the summers. i really could talk about it forever yall. i actually dont know how to be succinct about it. i will try. her mom’s friend has TWO BOYS. one brother, jeremiah, is the golden boy and her best friend who is in love with her! the older one CONRAD is her childhood crush who's just sort of around while belly is firmly getting over her childish feelings and going out and experiencing teen beach life with jeremiah for the first time and figuring out who she is and wants to be! by the end of the summer he admits he feels differently about her (hence belly internalizing this as The Summer I Turned Pretty) and they get together. this is already too much so i will just say that the next two books deal with a PROFOUND LOSS and the selfishness of grief and the SELFLESSNESS OF CONRAD and i will absolutely lose my shit if netflix picks it up for a second jenny han series adaptation.

pappyland

this was a kids show in the 90′s that features a character named Pappy Drew-It, an artist dressed like a 49er who lives in a magic cabin in pappyland. there’s tons of characters and music and life lessons but the meat of every episode is a detailed drawing how-to (pappy is actually a cartoonist, michael cariglio) and i have a hard back cover sketch book from my grandpa that i FILLED with drawings that pappy and DOODLEBUG taught me to do. there is a running gag that pappy always breaks his crayons.

boy meets world

i KNOW this is beloved by many but i’m counting it because i’m simply too young to have such an obsession with it! the show ran from 1992-2000. i was born in 1996, but reruns on the disney channel and abc family cemented it as one of my favorite shows. cory and shawn, closer than brothers, shameless homoromantics, shawn is cory’s first wife!!!!! truly showed me what a best friend can and should be!!!!!! the great love of your life!!!!! TOPANGA, the og weird feminist girl who said stop shaving your legs and start speaking your mind, ladies! the characters are so richly developed that they are real people to my heart. YES every character on this show is in their late 30s-early 40s and YES i feel like we grew up together. in season one they’re in the 6th grade and we follow them all the way to COLLEGE. countless poignant life lessons, often literally dictated by the wise and hilarious MR. FEENY, cory’s next door neighbor and somehow one of his teachers for YEARS. my love was only solidified by the 2014 girl meets world reboot, centered on cory and topanga’s daughter and her best friend. (which was literally cancelled because disney didn’t want to transition from a kids show to a teen show, something essential to the original. also because that teen show would have had CANON LESBIANS. extremely shameful move in 2017!) boy meets world lives rent free in my heart and i will never evict it!!!!!!!

i consulted my mother when i got stumped for more and she reminded me that i had obsessions with the impressionist art period and babies and ANYTHING fairies or pixies, and i was way too young when my love of the canadian teen after school special degrassi began. she also said bob ross, which i was hesitant to include because he’s been super ~trendy in recent years, but to be fair (To Be Faaairrr) she’s right! i don’t think people really watched the joy of painting as much as i have throughout my life. best sick day show of all time.

lastly i could honestly list anna herself as a niche interest, my mom actually metioned that ive always hyperfixated on my girl friends (gay) but i’ll just note that YES friday night lights, YES barry lyga novels. love to share so many things with you, niche or not, they’re niche in Our Mind.

#with the baby obsession came an obsession with adoption #my aunt and uncle adopted and when i learned that there were ORPHANS whew #i was in preschool judging people for getting pregnant when there were SO many babies without mommies #she had a good point!#also does being a niall girl in 2012 count

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