#I saw an anon say lot of people were calling them bad parents or there’s a bunch of discourse (smth like that) | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

moonchildstyles · 9 months ago

Note

have you thought about revisiting that anon concept about asterry and his girlfriend watching p*rn? I'm asking for a friend hehe

wordcount: 9.8k+

—————

(Y/N) blinked, staying silent as she took in the conversation around her. This was definitely not the avenue she saw the night taking when Charlotte had opened the second bottle of wine between the few of them.

"I asked him if he still watched it a lot, like as much as he did before we started dating, but he wouldn't really say no," Emily shared before taking a pull from her wine glass, "He didn't say yes, but all he said was that its different now, don't worry. What is that even supposed to mean? Like, do you watch porn when I go to sleep, yes or no?"

Charlotte and Sarah both laughed, joining Emily as she smiled around the rim of her wine glass. (Y/N) wanted to laugh along, but she was honestly still a bit thrown off by the topic.

Truthfully, she didn't know really much about anything that had to do with... pornography. The closest she had were the scenes some of her romantic novels had, and movies that had her adverting her eyes.

Not only was the act of sex demonized growing up—especially before marriage—but anything else that had to do with it. There was no way she was going to risk doing any of her own research should her parents' close monitoring catch even a stray google search.

After getting out from under their thumb, she didn't have much desire to go looking on that corner of the internet—she had done fine enough up to this point, she figured. Then, of course, she met Harry and there really seemed to be no need for any kind of video when she had him in the flesh.

(Y/N) honestly wondered if she had ever even spoken the word porn aloud, let alone discussed it with anyone else. This conversation was especially jarring given all of the giggling and the unfiltered language.

"Em," Charlotte piped up, bringing her wine glass to her mouth to cover the wry grin growing on her face, "Have you ever tried watching it with him, though?"

Feeling her cheeks warming, (Y/N) practically sunk into her skin as if to hide from the conversation. Sarah had mimicked her surprise some, though she was decidedly less shocked into silence.

"Charlotte!" Sarah bubbled, dark brows raised, "Is that what you do?"

Another peal of laughter came from the wine-soaked group, though (Y/N)'s reaction was more to fit in with the theatrics. (When it came to topics like these, she didn't want to be quiet even if she wasn't necessarily talkative—being too silent left people wondering if she was uninterested, judging them, and invited questions she wasn't looking to answer).

She had always figured the viewing of those kinds of videos to be something that was done alone. She couldn't fathom anyone joining in and watching alongside what should be a particularly intimate moment. (Besides, if you had someone to watch them with, why watch them at all when you could be with that person?).

Charlotte hesitated for a moment, opening her mouth before closing it. Emily nudged her at her side, a mischievous smile on her face.

"C'mon, spit it out."

Finally, Charlotte threw her hands up in surrender. "It's honestly not that bad, and I think you should try it."

"So, you have done it!" Sarah called, bouncing in her spot on the couch, "With Elijah or?"

"With Elijah, yeah," she settled, the wine getting to her tongue as she didn't mind sharing more details, "I walked in on him one time, and I wanted to be grossed out, but I just wasn't. It ended up working out, and now it's just a thing sometimes."

Charlotte's ending shrug before taking down a gulp of wine showed the end of her story, though Emily still nudged her as if there was more she could shake out.

"I don't know if I could do that," Sarah admitted, crossing her legs underneath herself, "I think it would annoy me too much, that Mitch was watching a video like that when he could have just called me or something."

(Y/N) rolled her lips between her teeth as the conversation then changed, some debate on if videos like that were allowed in relationships.

She didn't know what she would do if she walked in on Harry watching something like that. While she couldn't really deny that she enjoyed the sight of him playing with himself (something she's shyly learned every time Harry passed his fist over himself before sinking into one of her holes), she wasn't sure what she would think about the inspiration behind the act. There was a part of her that would be offended, she thought, that she was right there and he picked a video over the real thing. Another part of her understood that maybe he wouldn't want to have sex right then, instead opting to take care of himself before moving on. Besides, it wasn't like he had photos of her to look at in the heat of the moment, so she figured she would have to understand.

There was no use in being jealous of girls in movies anyway. Even if it did kind of hurt her stomach thinking about Harry reacting to them the same way he did to her.

Around her the conversation had floated elsewhere leaving behind the illicit subject matter for something lighter (a movie Emily had gone to the theater to hate watch only to end up liking it some, and now she was questioning her taste level). She was able to plug into this one much better, that much was evident in the way Sarah had quit giving her small glances as if she knew that (Y/N)'s comfort was twisting.

Despite now adding her own takes to the conversation and actively engaging outside of a few well placed laughs and head nods, the back of her mind was lagging behind.

There were questions rattling around that she was sure she wasn't going to be able to keep completely under wraps the next time she saw Harry.

—————

(Y/N) watched as Harry climbed into bed beside her, comforter pulled up to her chin as she sunk into the warm mattress. He gave her a lopsided smile when he caught her following gaze, her skin warming as she averted her eyes.

Cuddling in beside her, Harry pulled her close with an arm around her waist, his ankle hooking around hers. She could feel his eyes on her, but when she didn't immediately match his gaze she heard a plume of laughter fall from him,

"Why won't y'look at me, love?" he smiled, reaching his hand on her waist through the duvet to brush her hair out of her face.

She shyly kept her eyes on the column of his tattooed throat, following the thorny roses. "You caught me."

(Y/N) could feel the fan of his laughter as much as she heard it. His hand settled on her cheek then, his fingertips venturing into the baby hairs bordering her hairline. "Yeah, but y'catch me looking at you all the time," he countered, "Jus' lets me know y'like what y'see."

Using his hand on her cheek, he angled her face towards him once more, forcing her eyes to meet his own. A small smile graced his features, his eyes light with amusement. Tipping his chin just right, he pressed his lips to hers in a delicate kiss.

When he pulled away his smile had grown, dimples now touching his cheeks as he ran the pad of his thumb over the height of her cheekbone. "Did you have fun tonight, baby?"

Their dinner date splashed through her head, along with all of the warm feelings she went through while under the dimmed lights. They swapped bites of food, shared a cocktail (Y/N) really wanted to try but was worried it would be too strong, and Harry pulled out any joke he could in hopes of hearing her bubbling laughter through the restaurant.

Nodding her head against the pillow, her own smile took her features, leaving her cheeks mushed between Harry's hand and the soft of her pillow. "A lot of fun. Thank you for taking me."

His hand slipped down the slope of her form, settling on the sup of her waist before he gave a gentle squeeze. When (Y/N) reacted with a bubble of laughter, Harry's eyes swam with adoration.

"I had fun too, baby," he crooned, "Thank you for coming with me."

With the low lights and the gentle way he spoke to her, (Y/N) felt like she was supposed to be tired. It was kind of her thing, anyway—being sleepy and decidedly ready to pass out whenever. But, that just didn't seem to be the case tonight, her head was too full.

When she had come to his place after class, Harry greeting her at the door, there was a pinging question in the back of her mind that made an abrupt return from the previous night. As much as she wanted to blurt it out, get the curiosity out of the way, it didn't feel entirely appropriate to ask her boyfriend about his porn habits just after walking through the door. That much was made even more apparent given the fact that Mitch greeted her a few minutes later, trekking from his room to the kitchen with a small wave. Then, Harry had told her he had plans to take her out to dinner that night, and there was no way she was asking such a question in the middle of a restaurant.

There was never good time it seemed, to sate her curiosity and learn her own perspective on what her friends had been talking about. No time better than right now, anyway.

She just had to find some kind of courage to go along with the timing.

Shuffling closer, the sheets shifting around them, Harry pressed a small kiss to her forehead, right over a crease she hadn't realized was scrunching the skin. "What's going on in here?" he cooed, "You're thinking too hard before bedtime, love."

"I just—" she bubbled off before stopping her tongue. She swallowed, a pinch appearing between her brows. "There was something... I don't know."

There were no words that felt comfortable in her mouth, nothing that she could feasibly hear herself saying when it came to the questions she had. (Honestly, she couldn't understand how she was able to utter some of the things she did for Harry between the sheets and now shy away over pornography).

His hand on her waist was a stern anchor, the grip just tight enough to remind her that he was there. "'S alright, y'can tell me. What is it?"

Gone was the amusement and the soft teasing he had offered up to her before, instead his voice growing soft and forgiving. Patience now settled in his eyes as he waited on her.

Dropping her own gaze to dance around his features, she distracted herself with the spray of fine freckles on his nose. "The girls last night, they said something that I've just been... thinking about I guess."

The warmth of his gaze traced over her own features. "What was it? It wasn't anything rude, right?"

"No, no, no," (Y/N) rushed out, matching his gaze to show her sincerity. All of those girls were her friends, and Sarah would also never let anything like that happen around her. "It was—I don't know, it feels weird to say it."

Harry's expression relaxed now that he knew he wasn't there to be nursing any wounds. "We've said a lot of weird stuff to one another, baby. I think I can handle it."

She couldn't look him in the eye when she tried to speak again, instead dropping back to the tattooed skin of his neck. Her hands between them reached to take his shirt between her fingers, the faded graphic on the material distracting her just enough.

"They were talking about porn." Her heartbeat sounded in her ears. "With their boyfriends."

There was a pause, though (Y/N) could feel his unwavering eyes on her face.

"Okay," he finally shared, the syllable slow as it dropped from his tongue, "That's what's been on your mind?"

Folding her bottom lip between her teeth, she tried to find the next set of words that made sense. "I-I have questions. I think."

Harry's expression broke into a soft smile she could hear through the delicate huff of laughter he let out. "You think?"

Peeking up at him through her lashes, she saw his eyes bare of liner, the planes of his face relaxed and rounded, and his hair pushed away from his face leaving it all on display. He didn't look at all bothered by her avenue of conversation, leaving him to be the always open book he was for her, willing and ready to answer anything she needed.

"Yeah," she said, settling into her skin some, "I knew what they were talking about, but I don't think I really understand it all. I thought I could ask you, if it wasn't weird."

"Never weird, love," Harry shared, "You know 'm always here to answer anything y'need help with."

(Y/N) blinked, tipping her chin in a short nod. "Okay, but if there's anything you don't want to answer, you don't have to."

"'M sure I can answer ever—"

"Do you watch porn?"

Practically cringing at the sound of her voice wrapped around that question and the fact she spoke it aloud right to Harry, (Y/N) wanted to curl up in hopes of disappearing.

"Sorry," she started, her voice barely a peep, "I didn't mean to cut you off."

Harry looked at her for a lingering moment, his brows raised high over his eyes before he melted some. An amused smile sat on his lips, a small puff of laughter exhaling from his lungs. "'S alright," he offered, his hand on her waist squeezing just enough, "Not what I was expecting, but 's okay.

"To answer your question," he drawled, "No, I don't��not since you, really. No need to when I've got my own pretty star, huh?"

His lips molded into a teasing smile, but lopsided as he pressed forward hoping to catch a small grin from her.

Keeping her shy gaze dropped, (Y/N) couldn't keep her lips from curling. There was a bit of pride from the flattery; he didn't need any videos when he had her instead. She was enough to satisfy him, and that was a nice thought even if it was a bit in the gutter.

Spotting her shy smile, Harry let out a plume of laughter before he dropped a kiss to the tip of her nose. Knowing him, he probably already knew what was going on in her head, even if she didn't say it aloud.

"Is that all y'wanted to know, my love?"

Her fingers in his shirt curled just a bit more, as if she were bracing herself for this next string. "One of the girls, she said something about her and her boyfriend... watching it together," (Y/N) prattled, her voice growing smaller the more she went on, "Is that normal?"

Harry lagged in his response, taking his time with his fingers fiddling with a pulsing pattern on her waist. "It can be," he offered, "but, 's not for everyone. I've never really talked about that with anyone, but I would imagine it could make people feel closer—sharing something that's usually only done by yourself."

(Y/N) silently nodded her head, taking in his offered information. Truthfully, she wanted to stall, find another inconsequential question to stall him before she was left with the last curiosity she'd had burning in the back of her head.

The avenue she landed on was barely any less humiliating, but it was easy to fall from her tongue than the other she'd had on deck. She still couldn't meet his eyes as she spoke, bubbling off the question before she could second guess herself.

"Is that something you would want to try? Like, watching it together and all."

Skating his hand over the curves of her form, Harry tipped her chin up. Their eyes matching, (Y/N) could see the way he scanned over her features the way he always did when he was attempting to decipher where she was coming from. The lines of his features were softened, rounding into soft curves and gentling the longer her gazed at her.

"Is that something you want to try?"

Flounder under his pressing, (Y/N) understood what he was going for—she was too shy to explicitly voice all of her wants, so he had to fill in the gaps at times—but was still taken aback none the less. Of course the thought had crossed her mind since the previous night, about what it would be like to sit with Harry and watch a different kind of movie than she usually watched with him, but the idea wasn't exactly the most compelling.

She wasn't sure if she could really handle watching him watch someone else, and potentially become more turned on than he had even been with her. Nonetheless, she had never actually watched any porn herself, and she wasn't sure if she really had any real inclination to change that.

But, there was something to be said about the way Harry had described the act: sharing someone to vulnerable, that is usually kept private, with someone you trust. He had a way of making these scenes sound much more romantic than the semantics did.

"I don't know," she settled on, aware of the intensity in his eyes as he watched her, "I've never really watched anything like that, so I don't think I really understand what that would mean."

Almost imperceptible, (Y/N) was able to catch the way his brows raised just enough. "Really?"

Tipping her head in an almost shrug between the sheets, (Y/N) pursed her lips. "It was one of those things, you know."

That was enough of an explanation to Harry; he knew her growing years and the drilled in obedience that followed her even after leaving home. Despite curiosity, there was no way she would have had the confidence to even make a search, that he knew.

A small curve settled on his lips, patience and understanding sitting in his eyes. "Guess that makes sense then, hm?"

"Just add it to the list," (Y/N) joked back, a small huff of laughter falling from her lips.

His hand on her jawline that he had used to tip her face towards him now angled itself towards the curve of her throat. His palm was warm and agnate over her skin, the pad of his thumb stretching to rest on the hinge of her jaw. "Is it something you want to know more about?"

"Kind of," she answered honestly, sinking into the fluff of the pillow under her head, "But...Really, I think I only care about what y-you like and all of that."

It was one of the harder admissions, (Y/N) feeling as if she were asking a bit too much into his personal thoughts. If he wanted to share that part of himself, he would have already, she figured.

The warmth of his thumb on her cheek expanded as he pet a small trail down to the line of her jaw. "I don't really watch it anymore, love, remember?"

"Yeah, but," she started, resisting the urge to pin her bottom lip between her teeth, "What about before?"

When Harry paused, (Y/N)'s fingers in her shirt pulsed in an anxious curl.

"But, you don't have to answer if you don't want to," she quickly attempted to recover, replaying her words and just how pushy they may have come off.

The amused laughter that fell from his lips was enough to reassure her that she hadn't bothered him too much. "'S alright, baby," he murmured, "I was jus' thinking."

When he didn't immediately offer any extra information, she couldn't help herself—her curiosity was so close to gaining all the answers she needed, she didn't want it to stop now.

"About what?" she mumbled, watching intently as he just kept thinking.

Only one side of his mouth curled upwards, his smile going lopsided. "If I should tell you, or show you."

Now, (Y/N) had no choice but to fall silent around her dry throat. Show her?

Harry let out a small laugh at her reaction, unable to hold himself back before he was pressing a gentle kiss to the bridge of her nose between her wide eyes.

"I take it that I should probably jus' tell you, huh?" he joked, pulling away with a brilliant smile on his lips to match the bright lilypad of his irises.

Swallowing around her dry throat, (Y/N) spoke up, "Y-You could show me. If you think that would be easier."

Though the request itself wasn't made with much confidence, she still was surprised it even made its way out of her mouth. Two birds with one stone, she figured, she'd finally see what it—porn—was all about, and learn something new about Harry.

That was what she was telling herself anyway.

Raising a single brow over his intense gaze, Harry took in her reaction. "We could do that," he mused, "But, I don't want to do that if it would make y'uncomfortable, love. It can be a bit... much, especially if you have nothing to compare it to."

Rolling her lips between her teeth, she allowed her gaze to trace along the line of the single stray curl that rested against his temple. "I think I can handle it," she told him, her voice small as she avoided his eyes.

Shifting his hand on her neck, Harry brought his palm to rest on her cheek. The pad of his thumb ran along the fragile skin under her eyes. "You are brave, aren't you."

"I try," she murmured, shy smile evident in her voice.

She could practically see the gears turning in Harry's head, his eyes flashing with just a glint of something she couldn't name. She was hyper aware of his hand once again gliding over her skin until he was carding his fingers through her hair to rest his palm on the back of her head. She matched her gaze to his bashfully.

"Are you tired, or do y'think y'can stay up a little while longer with me?"

With a flutter of her lashes, and her heart mimicking the act, (Y/N) tugged herself that much closer to him between the sheets.

"I can stay awake." His lips turned into a lopsided smile, a single dimple denting his cheek as he gazed at her. (Y/N) could only tip her chin just so when he surged forward, pressing their lips together in a warming kiss. While it was chaste, there was an urgency behind it that she could feel before he pulled away.

"Lay the other way for me, baby," he instructed with a jerk of his chin, "I need to grab m'phone." When (Y/N) didn't immediately turn to press her back to his chest, Harry lagged, keeping from reaching for his phone on the bedside. "What's wrong, hm?"

"I don't get to see you?" (Y/N) murmured, barely keeping the whine out of her voice. She preferred seeing his eyes over everything else, knowing that it was him that was touching her.

A soft hum of laughter fell from his lips. "'S just gonna be a little bit easier this way, love, that's all. I'll still be right here."

"'Kay," she answered, though she didn't follow his instruction until he pressed another kiss to her puckered lips.

With that, Harry reached to the bedside table where his phone was resting while (Y/N) twisted in the sheets to lay on her side with her back to his chest. The duvet folded, leaving her arm and back exposed to the chill while Harry took longer than a few moments to do whatever it is he was doing on his phone.

She could hear the faint taps of his finger against the screen, scrolling and typing before he eventually curled around her. Harry conformed to the shape of her, his sweatpants-clad legs tangling with her bare ones with his arm hooking around her waist to position his phone before the two of them. He shifted the pillow under his head until she could feel the plume of his breath grazing the column of her throat, warm though it still elicited goosebumps to erupt over her skin.

(Y/N) could feel her heart bubbling in her chest when she dared to peek at what was on his bright screen. Though there was nothing explicit or exposing on the screen, she was sure they weren't too far off with the dark color scheme of the site he had brought up.

"Are you sure, love?" he murmured, his lips close to her ear, "We don't have to do this if y'don't want to. It can be a lot right away, and I don't want to scare you."

Folding her bottom lip between her teeth, (Y/N) allowed his words to roll around her head. She wasn't completely naive—she could imagine what the videos would look like, though she doubted it would look or feel the same as it did when she was underneath Harry. But, his earlier definition still stuck with her: this was a small vulnerability he was sharing with her. This is something he would normally have kept so private, but he was willing to bring her in and share something so different with her.

She could be brave—she could keep her curiosity burning enough to keep from feeling any kind of anxiety.

"I'm sure," she mumbled, "Thank you."

Dropping a kiss to her shoulder, Harry hugged her to his chest for a lingering moment. "You tell me if y'change your mind, darling."

"I will," she assured, despite his words being more of a statement than request.

Reaching over her, Harry grabbed for his phone and began tapping at the screen. The brightness had lowered from disuse, but was brought back to life from his touch, leaving every frame illuminated once more. Snuggled against his back, (Y/N) watched, her eyes widened once the reality of the site was scrolled through.

There was already a video pulled up on screen, showing what exactly took him so long to tap through his phone before. (Y/N) blinked, trying to decipher what was in the thumbnail before her.

From the small snippet she could see—along with the attention grabbing, all caps title—this was a loving couple having morning sex on a Saturday to the sunrise. Very romantic and loving, supposedly. In the picture, she could see the beginnings of a sunrise through a conveniently, perfectly lit bedroom. There were gauzy drapes over their open windows and pristine white linens on their bed—even the creases and folds were artfully tufted around their bodies. (Y/N) couldn't be sure if they were just that perfect, or this was an expertly produced video. She couldn't tell the difference.

The pair was barely clothed, their faces cut out of frame, leaving their bodies to be the star of the show. The man had tattoos—no where near as many as Harry, but still quite an array. He was undressed down his briefs, where there was a bulge that could be clearly seen against the woman's stomach. She was made of smooth swathes of skin, the ends of her hair visible as it brushed her bare skin before disappearing out of frame, and her chest bare. All (Y/N) could see that was distinctive about her form, was a small tattoo on her thigh in the shape of a red heart outline, contrasting against the white cotton panties sitting on her hips. Their limbs were in a tangle with one another, legs crossed and arms holding one another.

From behind, she could feel the brush of Harry's lips against her throat. "Does this look okay?"

(Y/N) gave her approval in a small nod of her head, her hair brushing against her pillow. "Have you watched this before?"

She could hear the curl of his lips in his voice as his words swept across the back of her neck. "A few times, yeah."

As he spoke, Harry's thumb tapped on the video, pressing play and starting it up. She watched as the frames took over the screen, showing the humble beginnings of the film with the woman crawling over the bedsheets to reach her lover where he was laid back against the pillows. The soft sound of their lips meeting could be heard off screen.

"W-When?" she asked, her line of questioning a safe distraction from what was going on in front of her.

The soft sounds of their mouths coming together and parting filtered quietly from his phone. Were they that loud when they kissed too?

"Not for a while," he reminded her, though his voice dropped lower into a whisper just for her when he spoke again, "Watched it for the first time after that night in my office at the shop though, I remember that."

"You do?" Her skin warmed at the reminder of that first night—all of the things she learned that night while sprawled out on that couch.

On video, the man had gripped the woman's hips and settled her atop him from the position she had previously held on all fours. The length of their bodies were pressed together, their faces still just perfectly out of frame to keep everything anonymous. Their kissing had turned rougher, a bit noisier as they sunk into one another. The sun outside their window was casting luminous glares over the scene, giving buttery warmth to their escalating acts.

Harry's hand on her waist squeezed as he watched. "Yeah," Harry breathed, a heavy kiss landing on the back of her neck, "I couldn't stop thinking about you, and I saw this video and... she kind of looks like you, doesn't she?"

(Y/N)'s breath caught in her throat. There was a moment as the woman moved, her body on display against the heavy tattoos of her partner that had her seeing them in just the right light.

Cotton panties, bare skin, delicate tattoo, all wrapped in white with the slow sharing of kisses between she and her lover. (Y/N) could see herself in that.

It was an exhilarating feeling knowing that Harry saw someone so effortlessly sexy, and could see (Y/N) in them.

She pressed herself against him that much more, her back against his chest. His hand on her waist tightened, as if preparing to keep her just where she was should someone try to steal her away. She could feel the fan of his breath fluttering over her skin as she watched his phone.

The acts between the couple escalated until the camera caught the way the woman ran her hand down the man's body until she had reached his cock. Her palm was pressed against the bulge, rubbing against it through the fabric of his underwear. He moaned unabashedly off screen, whispering something for only his lover to hear. (Y/N)'s lungs squeezed when she saw the way the dots of wetness seeped over the grey underwear covering him.

"Wh-What else do you like about this video?" (Y/N) murmured, shifting so her hand was laid over his own on her waist, their fingers tangling together.

A breathy laugh could be heard from behind her. Harry's voice was just as low as he spoke, "Do y'really want me to talk through the whole thing?"

"I like hearing you more," she admitted, squeezing his hand in hers.

A delicate kiss was dropped to her shoulder, the curl of his smile evident in the small contact. "Well, other than her reminding me of my angel," he drawled, a tease to his tone, "'S different than some of the things I used to watch. I liked seeing something gentle."

(Y/N)'s throat bobbed as she swallowed around her dry throat. Before her, the videoed couple had now moved on to sliding their hands into each other's underwear. The man's face was buried in his lover's neck, showing off a head of dark hair as his moans filtering through the small speakers. The woman's whimpering noises could be heard in tandem with the slick sounds of their hands roaming each other's bodies.

"What was the other stuff you watched?" Absently, (Y/N) was aware of the way her hips shifted some, rubbing her backside against Harry's front. Behind her, against the curve of her bottom, she could feel something much more rigid than the blocks of his muscle beginning to press into her.

He paused before he spoke, mulling over her question while she watched on screen as the few pieces of clothing covering the couple's bodies were shed. Harry's hand on her waist shifted, leaving her own behind as he pressed his palm into the soft of her stomach. She could feel the pressure of his fingertips on her plush skin just as much as she could see the man on screen press against his lover's thigh in the same way.

"'Member m'birthday?" he murmured into her skin, his mouth beginning a blazing trail over her shoulder. The tip of his nose caught on the neck of her top, pulling it along with him as he kissed the cuff of her shoulder.

For a split moment, there was a different movie playing for (Y/N). This one featured she and Harry as the stars, celebrating his birthday between the sheets with his cock sinking into her throat, his palm smacking over her center, and his cum painting over her face. She wondered if he could feel the way her stomach tightened under his hand at the memories.

"Yeah," she answered simply, the word carried on a warm breath.

He hummed from behind her, a smug curl on his lips pressing into her shoulder. "Things like that, baby," he explained, "But I started watching things like this after I met you."

The couple on screen was beginning to find the throes of their passion, now both bare bodied and reaching for one another. There was a part of (Y/N) that wanted to shy away at the sight of two strangers and their naked bodies, their recording of an intimate moment not sitting right in her stomach. There was another part of her that imagined Harry sitting down, pants to his thighs and his hand in his lap, picturing she and him in these spots instead as he fisted his cock. That part of her kept her from drawing her eyes away, urging her to see what he did—see what held his attention while waiting for her to be ready for more than easy touching and kisses in his bedroom.

Her mouth felt dry when she tried to speak again, only to be cut off when Harry's palm grazed the waist of her panties. Though she was still only feeling his touch through her shirt, she was sure he could feel the extra groove of fabric and the tightening of her abdomen. Only that much further, and he could fit his hand between her legs just like the man on screen was doing to his own lover.

"Wh-Why?" she asked, building off of his previous response to keep herself from melting and begging for him to touch her when they had barely just started.

Hooking his ankle around hers, Harry started pulling her that much more into his embrace. The sheets around them hissed over their bodies, his phone wobbling from its upright position against the pillow though it didn't fall. He pushed his thigh between her own, opening up her legs with the hem of her oversized shirt being pushed up and over her thighs.

"I liked the idea of going slow, after I met you, love," he detailed, no longer playing around when he finally slid his hand over her form and slipped it under the end of her top, "Didn't really get off on the thought of fucking you as much as I did to kissing you and making y'happy."

(Y/N) all but melted at his explanation. She reveled in the sound of his voice, mixing with the soft sound of the couple on screen finding their own bliss within one another. Through her hooded gaze, it was easy to see the lovers on his phone as she and Harry, the daydream building around her.

In a tug back down to earth, (Y/N)'s breath caught when Harry fit his hand between her thighs. His wandering touch had finally reached her, pressing the heel of his palm against her clit and the length of his fingers down her center. She was sure he could feel the heat that had collected there, though she hoped she hadn't completely soaked through her underwear that quickly.

"Y'like it so far?" he asked, pressing his palm that much harder against her clit.

"Uh-huh," she breathlessly replied. Her hooded eyes were glued to the sight of the way the man positioned himself above her, thighs open for him to fit between. She could hear him murmur something to her, passing a hand over her form with fingertips skating across her breasts and down to the round of her hips. Every touch was careful and clinging, the sound of their kissing soundtracking the moment. "He reminds me of you."

He hummed from behind her, his hand beginning to shift over her core in a delicate press to draw away her breath. "Yeah?"

"Yeah," she answered, eyes stitched to the video as the man sunk his cock into his lover, a shrill whine leaving her lips while he settled against her hips. His tattoos quivered as his muscles flexed under his skin, making the stars and constellations inked over his skin dance. "You're better, but," (Y/N) swallowed, hearing the quiet slap of his skin against the woman's as he thrusted against her, "He touches her like you touch me."

Harry's response came in the form of languid touches that warmed her skin and kept her breathless even when her eyes closed and the video was an afterthought. Underneath her, he fit his free arm to coil around her form. His thigh between her two tensed, lifting just enough so he could spread her own legs enough to give her what she wanted.

Hooking his fingers into her panties, he pulled them to the side, a cool shiver going up (Y/N)'s spine now that she was exposed to his touch. He dragged his fingertips through her slit, collecting the drops of slick until he circled around her clit in languorous pulls.

She had never been so thankful for the stretched out neckline of her top as she was then, when she felt Harry's heavy kisses searing into her bare skin. There was so much of him all over, pressing into her back with his cock hard against her, his kiss on her shoulder, and his hand on her core, pulling more and more air out of her lungs.

"You know how many times I thought about doing that to you, baby?" he drawled into her skin, syrupy and thick into her pores, "Before y'were ready, this was all I had. Had to picture you letting me spread you out like that, feel how wet you were jus' for me."

With his hand between her thighs, slick fingertips on her clit before they traveled down towards her pulsing opening, she could have cried for him. She had been depriving him of this, leaving him to only watch videos and imagine, when they could have been doing this so much sooner. She wasn't sure at times—especially at one like this—how she had even made it through without his touch.

"I'm sorry," she stuttered out for him, her hand grasping at sheets, "Yo-You should have told me."

A rumble of laughter was felt against her back as much as she heard the sound fan to her ears. "Don't be sorry, lovebug, y'jus' weren't ready yet, that's all. I think we're making up for it jus' fine, don't you?"

She could only nod her head, forcing her eyes to blink open. It was a task given the fact that she was still luxuriating in the tease of his fingers passing over her entrance before smearing her clit and restarting the circuit. Looking ahead, she had seen that the couple on film was thick in their session, breathless, the man straining himself as he set a controlled pace while thrusting into his partner with the woman grasping and reaching for any part of him she could reach. Watching the way the man's skin turned pink in the wake of her nails made (Y/N) want to do the same to Harry—what would the roses on his chest and the butterfly on his torso look like filled in with a bit of color?

"I want to see you," she blurted out, unable to hold back anymore. She didn't care much for the movie anymore anyway, he was what she wanted. This video would probably still be there later, they could explore more later, if she really wanted.

A teasing smile could be heard in his voice, the notion making (Y/N) want to feel embarrassed through she didn't have much room for that given the way she was rutting into his hand. "Y'don't want to keep watching? I thought y'liked it, love? Liked him?"

"I like you," she countered, already turning in his arms despite the coil of his hold around her, "I want to see you now. You're better."

He didn't put up any more teasing argument, instead helping her as she twisted and turned in his arms until his phone was forgotten in the tufts of the duvet and she had her lips pressed to his. His and that had been between her legs was now stationed at her hip, his fingertips denting into the plush skin as she melted into him. A sigh of something that felt like relief to (Y/N) slipped from her throat.

Harry parted his lips, swiping his tongue across the seam of her mouth, tasting her noises. Reaching for his bare shoulders, (Y/N) wasn't even thinking before she had the blunt of her nails pressing to his skin, just like the woman in the video. (Who must have been having a good time given the faint noises (Y/N) could still hear among the folds of their bedding).

She readily opened her mouth for him to slip his tongue inside, eager to get a state of him. He led her through the kiss, pressing his tongue to hers and tasting through every delicate moan and breathy exhale she gave.

This was definitely better than watching a video.

"Harry," she mumbled into his kiss, barely enunciating before she was urging to press her lips to his once more.

He smiled against her mouth, allowing a small slew of her excited kisses to hit him before he pulled away enough to meet her eyes. His pupils were wide and dark, leaving only slices of murky green to ring around them. There was a flush over his cheeks, warm and red that matched the hue of his kiss-swollen lips. She couldn't help her eyes but to follow the tip of his tongue as it peeked out to wet his lips.

"What do y'want from me love?"

Her answer was automatic: "You."

(Y/N)'s gaze was drawn to the dimple that was thumbed into his cheek as a lopsided curl took his lips. "I know," he said, much too smug, "But do y'want me to keep touching you? Or do y'want more, love? Gotta tell me or I can't help you."

Her mind flashed to the vision of the man fitting his hips against his lover's like a puzzle piece, sinking inside her and straining his muscles to making the best pace for her. That was what (Y/N) wanted.

"I want more," she told him, her voice a whisper between just the two of them, "Like the video."

Harry drew closer towards he, his smile fading as the blunt of his teeth sunk into his bottom lip. "I can do that for you, baby. Do you think you're ready for me, or do y'need a little more?"

She shook her head on instinct. "I'm ready."

Tipping his chin, Harry pulled her into another languid kiss with his tongue touching over her lips. His kiss was a welcome distraction while his hand reached for the waist of her panties underneath the hem of her top. He pushed them down her thighs as far as he could before he was forced to break their kiss to help ease them off the rest of the way. (Y/N) felt clingy for him in that moment, already missing his touch and warmth. It wasn't much longer that he pulled his own underwear off, everything landing into a pile on the floor, before he was laying himself atop her.

Much like the movie, she swore their hips fit like puzzle pieces together, the bones cushioned by plush skin. She reached for his arms reflexively, though she hadn't meant to grip him so tightly until she felt the head of his cock nudge against her clit. Her lungs squeezed with a coiled ribbon cinching around her stomach.

Above her, Harry was like an angel. His eyes were bare from his usual liner, though there were still the stark black additions of his nose and lip rings pierced through his face. His skin was flushed and warm, cheeks matching his bright eyes. Around his features, his curls hung around in waved strands and curled ringlets. It wasn't the first time she had seen him like this and wondered if he was the true angel between the two.

"Still feel good, love?" he asked, his hands fisted into anchors on either side of her head.

Matching the intensity of his eye contact, (Y/N) kept herself from shrugging her hips against his own, wanting of feel along heavy brush of his cock against her center. "Uh-huh," she sounded, throat dry, "Please."

Only a glimpse of his smile could be seen before he was dipping down to draw her in for another kiss. He sealed his mouth to hers, kissing her top lip delicately with the soft sounds of their lips parting and coming together to fill the room.

For a moment, (Y/N) wondered if they would look like that couple if they were on film. If their love, and the gentle touches, and the shared heartspace could be seen just as easily. She liked to think they would do it even better.

One of his hands on the bed disappeared, the mattress shifting without the weight, before she felt it again over the small of her stomach. It was nothing more than a soft brush before he had his fist wrapped around his cock, guiding himself inside her. The head brushed against her clit in a heavy press; she couldn't tell if she was more wet than she thought or if he had been pearling dots of precum from his tip while she was preoccupied.

He slid his tip through her folds until he hit the pulsing entrance nestled inside. (Y/N) shivered, letting out small noise into his mouth. She could tell her was becoming distracted, his kiss slowing until he was doing nothing other than focusing on the slid of his cock through her wetness, socking in her until he finally pressed forward.

It was a familiar stretch, the head fitting inside her, but it still took her breath away. Especially now that their box of condoms was pushed to the back of his bedside drawer, barely used unless she asked, she was able to feel every ridge and vein on his cock. She felt more and more full with every inch pushed inside her, her walls pulling him in while she attempted to keep kissing him before giving up on the act in favor of simply resting her parted lips against his own.

Harry's guiding hand had shifted to lay on her hip, his touch a bit slick though neither of them minded. He was just as lost in the feeling as he was with the way he let out shuddering breaths with stilted lungs, his hand on the other side of her head now holding a tremor. His breath came out in warm fans over her features, heating her that much further.

He bottomed out with a wet sound of his cock sliding through her walls, his base resting heavy against her clit. (Y/N)'s hold on his arms tightened at the feeling, nails leaving imprints on his skin.

Her heartbeat bubbled in her ears as she got her bearings, coming to with a flutter of her eyes only to see harry already looking at her with his own hooded gaze.

"You alright?" he breathed, dilated eyes scanning over her features, "Do y'need me to wait?"

"No, no," she bubbled off, "Please, daddy."

That was all he seemingly needed to hear—the whine of her voice and his title so lovingly mentioned—before Harry was rearing his hips back and pressing into her once more. He split her open, her walls stretching and opening for him to fit inside with every languid thrust. The first few took her breath away, getting used to the feeling of the friction and every part of her body being fulfilled by him.

"Daddy," she helplessly called out, her voice a shared secret for just the two of them. The sheets hissed around them, matching her volume.

Harry watched her form above as she struggled to keep her eyes from closing. She wanted to see him; this is what she had been wanting when she decided to ditch the movie. She wanted to watch him the way they had watched the couple.

"'M here, baby. 'M here," he murmured, his voice dropping low as his mouth fell into a gape. "Feel so good, love—fuck."

Spurred on by his praise, (Y/N) hiked her this over his hip, the heel of her foot pressing into the back of his thigh. Her plush skin gave way to the angles of his body, cushioning him as he drove his hips into hers in lingering passes. His hand on her hip shifted then, dragging her sleep shirt the rest of the way up until her bare breasts were exposed to the heat of the room.

His palm dragged over the swell, her nipple catching on the creases of his skin. Goosebumps erupted over her form, her lashes fluttering at the touch. Harry dipped his head down, pressing his lips to her other breast, the tip of his nose skimming across before he wrapped his mouth around her nipple. His tongue touched over the bud, warming her though she could feel the skin tightening in response. He matched the pace of his wandering touch on her other breast, allowing her to feel him in every place she needed.

Almost.

Feeling the base of his cock press against her clit wasn't enough. She needed more than that fleeting touch against her, more than just the harsh smear over her weeping center.

"Daddy, I—" she cried out, her words evaporating when she felt him twitch inside her.

"'S okay," he shushed her, his mouth popping off of her nipple before he dragged his kisses towards her collarbone, "'M here, baby. I'll give y'anything y'want."

His words were nothing more than smeared rambles, but they sank perfectly into her brain. He was here—he had her. He wasn't a silly video, he was real and she could feel his weight and his touch and even his heartbeat.

"I want—" she stumbled, her words failing her in the heat of the moment, "I need—Please, touch me."

"I am touching you, baby," he countered, looking up at her through his lashes before finally leveling his gaze with hers. He hovered above her, his eyes still finding hers even as he jostled her with every thrust into her. "Y'need to tell me what y'want, and then I can help."

"My—It's—"

(Y/N) almost felt panicked, instead reaching for his hand on her breast to push it down to the apex of her thighs. His wrist strained under her hand when he realized when she was directing him towards. That was all the cue he needed before his thumb was smearing over her clit, circling and patting the bud just as she had wanted.

All but melting into the mattress, the beginnings of a cocky curl fell on his lips. "This was what y'wanted, my love? Coulda jus' told daddy—would have done it for you earlier."

Maybe it was feeling him splitting her walls open, slick with his precum, his hand on her clit, or the sound of his voice wrapped around his honorific, but (Y/N) could feel the bow in her abdomen tightening.

She could only whine for him, tightening her fingers around the bones of his wrist as he kept his ministrations up. His skin glimmered in a sheen of sweat, baby curls sticking to his temples as he took care of her just as he promised.

He caught her looking, matching his eyes to hers when she dared to travel her gaze to his clumped lashes. She expected a curl of his lips, a flash in his eyes, something teasing and smug to enter his expression. Instead, she saw the way his face rounded out, the harsh angles that usually made him up now fading into soft lines and curved edges.

"I love you," he murmured, "So much, (Y/N). You know that?"

This was a moment she wished she had on video, exactly from her perspective with every detail memorialized.

Releasing her hands on his wrist and arm, she settled her palms on his cheeks. Despite the rocking of their forms, the rustling bedsheets, and his phone lost somewhere at seat, (Y/N) almost forgot about everything but his touch.

"I love you too, honey."

Something flashed through his gaze then, but it was decidedly softer, more delicate than anything she had ever spotted before. She never called him by many pet names, preferring his name (it was the name of the man she was in love with, she couldn't think of a better thing to call him), but there were moments she thought he might like the extra love falling from her lips.

Harry didn't waste any longer than a beat before he was smearing his lips against hers. The kiss was messy and clumsy, just off center with his tongue swiping out before she was ready, but she loved it. This was what she wanted, what had been on her mind throughout the video.

He put more of himself into her, his hips picking up pace and his hand on her clit quickening. She felt the press of his chest every time he sank in deep inside her, splitting her walls and making more room for him than she even knew she had. Her insides clenched around him, sucking him deeper every time he sank back inside. The ribbon in her stomach was beginning to fray at the edges, unravelling more and more.

"B-Baby," Harry breathlessly crooned, pulling away just enough so she could hear, "Where do y'want m'cum? 'M al-almost there—fuck."

She didn't have to think before she was answering him, "Inside, inside. Please, daddy. I want it inside."

There was one more twitch of his cock inside her, his head nudging against what felt like her stomach, before there was nothing left of her to give. The fraying ribbon gave way, spooling too tight inside before falling apart. She shredded around him, feeling like nothing more than glimmering fabric laying in his arms for him to toss and turn whichever way he wanted. She could feel herself grow wetter, Harry's cock slicking through her opening.

(Y/N) clung to him, her hands on his cheeks keeping him close as she attempted to kiss him through her hazy mind. It was nothing more than her gaped mouth dropped open against his own, nothing more than absent calls of his name falling from her throat.

Barely, she could hear Harry mumbling a declaration—that he loved her—over and over against her mouth. She felt entirely too full, everything too much, when she realized he was cumming. Just as she had begged, he let go inside her, painting her walls in pumps of his cum that mixed with her own. She wouldn't be surprised to feel the aftermath dripping over her thighs.

By the time Harry's bedroom came back to fruition around her, (Y/N) wasn't sure if she had been breathing properly since he landed atop her. Everything around her was wispy, not quite real, other than Harry himself. He was a comforting weight, an anchor she clung to.

Sinking atop her, he rested his cheek on top of her chest. His nose skimmed her throat as he nuzzled closer to her, the length of his lashes tickling her bare chest.

"Y'alright, love?" he murmured, just as out of breath as she was.

"Mhm," she hummed, wrapping her arms around him in a clumsy hug, "I love you too, by the way."

A rumbling laugh fell from his chest. "Love you more."

With a small kiss being pressed to her sternum, harry began to untangle himself from her hold. He righted her shirt on her torso, covering her chest and keeping out the call that was beginning to seep over their sweat-glimmered skin now that the sheets had slid off of them.

"Where are you going?" she almost whined, reaching for him when he shifted out from between her cushioning hips.

His smile was tender, affection swimming in his lightening gaze as he looked at her. He brushed a stray hair out of her face, keeping her features clear for his admiration. "We've gotta clean up, love. Can't go to bed like this, can we?"

Fitting her bottom lip between her teeth, (Y/N) didn't want to answer him. He was right—she needed to use the restroom and find a different pair of underwear for the night, while Harry inevitably searched for new sheets to change the bed into. But she didn't want to do that right now. She didn't want to walk around on wobbly legs, and go through her designated drawer, or anything else. She didn't want to touch anything that wasn't him.

Instead, (Y/N) clung to him, using her weight to tug him down until he finally relented. Harry gave in with a sigh though he couldn't keep the smile off of his face.

"Five more minutes, 'kay?" he bargained, cuddling her into him with her face in his throat and chin on the crown of her head. He even tugged the sheet up to blanket their forms once more, keeping her warm before patting her hip through the material.

(Y/N) smiled, pecking a small kiss to his neck.

"Five more minutes."

She'd stretch it until ten.

—————

I finally got around to this request so thank you for everyone bein patient!!!! thank you for reading, sorry for any mistakes and if there's any ideas or requests you have send them in !!!

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fatuismooches · 6 months ago

Text

puer et monstrum.

synopsis: You attempt to help the adult raven reconcile with his younger fledgling self. In other words, four times Dottore ignored his child segment, the first time he didn’t, and the last time he did.

includes: dottore + platonic! zandy w/ gn! reader

notes: You grow to greatly love Zandy, Dottore's child segment, but you can't help but notice how your husband pays no attention to him. Therefore, you will try your best to change this. Fragile reader, lots of fluff, angst, very cute, you know the drill. Part of this fic is also greatly inspired by this ask (thank you to this anon!)

I. creation

At this point, Il Dottore had a good amount of experience creating segments.

Sure, the number of times he had failed was far greater than he liked, and he could count the number of successful segments with his fingers, but he had the general gist of the process and all. So, he decided it was time for him to create another segment of himself. This brought about the obvious question of what phase of his life he should bring back into this world. Dottore pondered this question for a while. He already made them all based on important parts of his life - when he was in the Akademiya, when he first became a Harbinger, and now one based on his current self not too long ago, just to name a few. He desired something new, something that could be vastly different.

In the end, he decided to create a child segment.

His other segments were not very happy with the decision. A child would cry. A child would whine. A child could not do the tasks they could. A child would do… child things. It was a nuisance. But Dottore dismissed their complaints.

What good would a child’s perspective bring him? He didn’t know, but that was exactly the point. He didn’t know, which was why he sought the answer. And the only way to find this out was to create the child just as he’d done with his other younger selves.

After much time, money, and energy were exhausted, it was done. The child opened his eyes for the first time and saw a tall figure amidst the blinding lights. Once the masked man noticed his awakening, he looked at him, as if waiting for him to fully gain consciousness, and then spoke before the child could say anything.

“I am Dottore. You are a segment of mine that I created. You shall be called Ten.” After that brief statement, the man seemed to have finished all that he was going to say. That was when the child noticed the crowd of similar-looking blue-haired men as well, discussing things that he could not wrap his head around yet.

The child, now called “10”, had so many questions. Where was he? What does he do now? Why was he called a number? He doesn’t remember being called that before. Was he not Zandik anymore? The child wasn’t sure whether or not being ‘Zandik’ anymore was a good or bad thing. Maybe if he wasn’t ‘Zandik’ anymore, people wouldn’t scorn him so much.

Who are all these people, and why do they seem a bit similar to him? Being but a little kid, naturally, he was lost and confused, and he could not help but grasp the leg of the man called Dottore timidly. Immediately, the Harbinger stiffened at the contact, eyes swiftly moving to meet 10’s. The only person who ever touched him unprompted was you, but he had not felt your touch in centuries, so the sudden touch of the child surprised him.

Though 10 could not see the taller man’s eyes, he didn’t think they were very kind. The child didn’t think the other man’s eyes were like his parents, or like the people from the village, no, but there was a certain feeling expressed toward him that 10 couldn’t explain. Regardless, 10 quickly received the message, and his hand slipped away from his creator’s.

“Tend to him,” was the lone order Prime gave the other segments before he left, leaving the little one all by himself, despite being surrounded by others.

II. curiosity

Being segments of the Harbinger meant they were busy people. Being the Harbinger himself meant that his time was even more sparse. This meant that any attention dedicated to 10 was few and far between, and pretty much always not of their own free will. One would think a child would be quite disheartened by the lack of attention, and well, they would be right, but 10 had long grown accustomed to being by himself ages ago considering his childhood. Did he like it? No, not yet at least. By the behavior of the other segments, he eventually grew to prefer being by himself.

But 10 was still a child, curious about the world, which meant that he still did seek out the older segments’ company from time to time. Well, most of the time he was shooed away, but on rare occasions, 10 was able to be the recipient of some ranting by the younger segments or perhaps the observer of their intricate work (that was deemed acceptable to be viewed by children.) However, something 10 was able to learn was that there was one person whom the segments and Prime always seemed to offer their attention, willingly too.

[Name].

The kid seemed to be the only segment who didn’t really know you. 10 didn’t pay much attention to his older selves’ “patients”, but being an attentive and curious boy, he realized with due time that your name always seemed to be murmured by them. Not with the detached or annoyed tone the segments took on when regarding others, but it was different. Again, the young one had trouble putting his finger on it exactly, but if he had to put it into words, 10 would say they sounded a lot sweeter. It was an odd thing to say because if anyone else heard it, they certainly would not label the tone as sweet. It would probably sound simply normal to others. But that was truly what the child thought, maybe because he was connected to them in a way.

So of course, 10’s interest was very piqued. Oddly enough, for how nice they sounded, the child never saw a glimpse of you around the lab. 10 wondered what kind of person you were. How did you even know them? Would you talk about them in a sweet tone too? If you met him… would you speak about him that way as well? He wondered what it took for the older men to like you so much, maybe even… love? The child doesn’t know what love exactly looks like, but if love was anything like the stories he’s read, how the segments talk about you could be said to be a bit similar.

But if 10 were to compare the two some more, maybe they aren’t that alike after all, considering all the things that were different. If segments loved you, wouldn’t you constantly be by their side, as lovers in fairytales do? If you two were apart, wouldn’t his creator be anguished by the loss of your presence, just like in the books? Yet whenever he saw the original, his expression seemed to always be the same - calculating, tired, seemingly more absorbed in his research than worried for another. (For the child does not understand how well Prime wears more masks than one.)

So needless to say, 10 was confused. And with confusion comes curiosity, the need to seek out the answer, common for any child but especially for one as inquisitive as the blue-haired boy. In his room, 10 pondered for a while on what to do - he could try to sneak around for answers, but he imagined he’d get caught and scolded by the segments long before he found anything out. So, the child decided to simply ask about the matter. After all, the others always say asking questions is an important part of an experiment.

It’s still a gamble though, the child is well aware of the less than hospitable energy toward him by the others. They have a general… lack of patience for him. But still, persistence and the pursuit of knowledge are traits embodied in every version of Dottore. And so the child gathered up all his courage and set his little plan into action.

It was like any other day 10 had witnessed in the far too familiar lab. He had made sure to wake up in the very early morning - it was the best opportunity to catch a few segments together before they split up to do their separate tasks. Well, hopefully, they were there, some of them tended to stay locked up in their respective labs until they figured out the answer to what they were seeking. The child surprisingly had little sleepiness remaining in his system, the anticipation of the answer he would receive keeping him awake.

For once, it looked as though the segments were not bickering. It wasn’t quiet either though, they seemed to be discussing something work-related. But that was beside the point. Upon entering the room, the segments were a bit surprised to see 10, for it was obviously out of the ordinary for the kid to be awake, much less roaming around at this hour.

“What are you doing awake?” The Akademiya segment, 01, didn’t bother to hide his tone, unwilling to be vexed further with all the work he had left to do. But the child had come here with a determination that wouldn’t be swayed.

“I have a question,” 10 stated. The next segment who spoke didn’t spare a glance at him.

“And it could not wait until morning? You felt the need to interrupt us now?” 04’s response was blunt and straight to the point as usual - he was a segment that was perpetually annoyed. 10 couldn’t remember a time when he’d ever seen a smile on this segment. And yet 04 seemed kinder to him than when he interacted with others.

Meanwhile, 02 watched with an unreadable expression behind his spotted mask. It was hard to predict what response you would get from 02 - would he be annoyed and snappy or perhaps treat you with a dose of excitement and interest? This time, however, it was the latter, as a grin crept its way onto his face.

“No, I want to hear this question. Surely, it must be greatly important for you to go to such lengths, yes?” 02’s red eyes gleamed, intrigued by the child segment’s nod. 10 nervously swallowed before squaring his shoulders resolutely.

“Who is [Name]?”

And then all the miscellaneous noises in the lab came to an abrupt halt. 24, who usually remained uninterested in the conversations of his other segments, had suddenly tuned into the discussion at the mention of your name. The other present segments, who were absorbed in their work mere moments ago, now had their undivided attention on the child.

“No one,” 04 said flatly, but the damage was already done. It was obvious that was a lie, and the child’s eyes glittered with enthusiasm as he began bouncing around to each segment.

“Who are they? What are they like? You like them, don’t you?” At the last question, 01 scowled at the declaration, hoping no one would notice the slight color of red at the tips of his ears. 02’s previous demeanor had changed into a blank yet thoughtful one, while 04 looked exasperated at the whole situation.

“How do you know about [Name]?” 24 was the one who finally responded to the child, and 10 awkwardly halted his barrage of questions. If 10 was being honest, 24 was probably the scariest of all the segments. The one closest to Prime and the most selfish.

“Well, all of you have mentioned them at least once… and when you do say their name, it just sounds like you like them. A lot,” 10 stared at the ground as he shared his observation. “You don’t sound like that for anyone else.” The segments were silent once more. The question was, were they that obvious, or was the brat just really attentive? The answer was most likely the latter, but still. This wasn’t a good look for them.

“I suppose this was bound to happen sooner or later,” 01 had recovered from his embarrassment, “Considering how much Two prattles on about them.” 02 frowned at the sudden accusation.

“Excuse me? That is rich coming from you,” the clone quickly snapped back, for the other was no exception to carrying on about you. 24 just grimaced at the start of another bickering session between his other selves.

“A-Anyway!” 10 interrupted the others before he could be ignored. “Can I know who they are? Can I see them?” The child pleaded earnestly as another pause swept through the room.

“You will not stop begging until we say yes, won’t you?” 04 sighed. “However, that decision is up to Prime.” 10’s shoulders drooped. He wasn’t really sure if Prime would listen to him, considering how rarely they ever spoke.

However, miraculously enough, a few days later, his wish was granted. He doesn’t know why Prime decided to do it, but 10 was just happy he’d finally know about the mysterious person! Funnily enough, the news had spread to all the segments, and all of them had decided to gather in the same space to tell their own opinion about you. 10 had never seen them… congregate like this. They seemed to enjoy the common topic - you - but the squabbling about certain matters (again, you) still took place. The child learned more things about you than he even understood.

But he knew the basics now - you were their lover, meaning you loved them and they loved you, which even though it was not explicitly said, the child knew it anyway. This was obviously something a bit difficult for 10 to wrap his head around, but he found the idea thrilling. He knew his older selves well enough to know that you must be a pretty amazing person to have them so interested.

Unfortunately, the child couldn’t prove this hypothesis of his, as he later found out the reason why you were nowhere to be seen. 10 remembers the first time he saw you, accompanied by another segment (18, this time.) Hooked up to a machine with countless wires, hands laying limp by your side, along with your chest that unnoticeably rose and fell. You were nothing like what 10 thought you’d look like. And yet he too thought you were beautiful. Sure, the child couldn’t see your eyes or smile or hear your voice, but as he held your hand and compared it to his much smaller one, he just had a feeling you were nothing like the grown-ups that he once knew long ago. But 10 was disappointed.

“Is [Name] going to be okay?” 10 worriedly looked at the segment, wondering about your current state. The others hadn’t disclosed many details about your illness.

“They will,” 18 affirmed. At least this segment was nicer to him than the others, with his softer tone and gentler mannerisms. He was still a Dottore segment, however. “One day they will wake up.” With that as his only answer, 10 went back to tracing the lines on the palm of your cold hand, hoping you would open your eyes again soon just like the other blue-haired men.

Since then, 10 found himself visiting your silent room, save for the beep-beeps from your machines, more and more often. There was just something about this unmoving, sleeping grown-up that drew him in. 10 had so many questions to ask you… but for now, he settled for reading his stories aloud to you. Maybe you could hear them too. Occasionally, some other segments dropped in to check on you, but they didn’t pay much mind to him other than reminding him not to touch anything, as his presence near you had become commonplace.

However, on one particular day, 10 found that your room was already occupied by someone else. 10 had heard a familiar yet muffled voice coming from inside, yet he could not make out the exact words from outside in the hallway. Carefully padding closer to the room, the child strained his ears to make out the words. It sounded like the person was talking to another, like a conversation, only that it seemed one-sided since 10 could only distinguish one voice. Finally, he got the courage to gently push the door open a bit more and peek to see who it was inside.

It wasn’t merely a segment there to check on you, no, this time it was Prime Dottore himself, sitting near your side in the same chair that the child always sat in. The child was surprised - he rarely ever saw Prime outside of his lab or office, and when he did, it was usually when Prime was forced to attend to certain Fatui duties. Of course, he never paid much attention to his child segment. Unfortunately, 10 had stared a bit too much, as the original quickly noticed his presence and immediately got up from the seat. 10 jumped a bit too, instinctively pulling back and hiding against the wall. But it was too late.

“Come in.” 10 had no option other than to comply, as he shyly stepped into your room, still clinging to the wall. The child nervously swallowed as he scrambled for an excuse as to why he was intruding.

“Um… I’m sorry, I didn’t know you were in here,” 10 apologized meekly, hands behind his back as his eyes flicked from Dottore’s face to the floor. The older man’s expression was unreadable, and it was silent for a good few moments before he spoke.

“I see,” was all Dottore said before he started walking toward 10, or rather, the door. The child looked up at the figure that had now gone past him, words leaving his mouth before he could think.

“Were you talking to [Name]? Do you miss them too?” Now that 10 thought about it, he had heard all about what the other segments had to say about you, but he still didn’t know the original’s feelings. Still, the child was surprised at himself for being able to ask Prime that. At the question, Dottore stopped in his tracks, seemingly contemplating whether he should respond or dismiss him before he turned around and faced his child segment, who then stiffened at the direct look.

“I hear that you’re with them quite often.” 10’s eyes widened at the response and nodded, although it wasn’t really an answer to his questions. “[Name] enjoys your company.” This only served to confuse the child even more, as he then glanced at your body. (For only Dottore knows about the time he found you asleep with a smile after the little boy left your room.)

“They… do? How do you know?” But when 10 looked back, Dottore was already gone. Well, he knew not to expect much conversation from him anyway, but still, he was greatly curious at his words. Regardless, 10 then walked up to you and made himself comfy near your bedside.

“Why do you like him so much, [Name]?” 10 inquired, playing with your fingers as he rested his cheek on your body. But of course, he received no answer from the person he was closest with yet farthest away from in this lab.

Even at the end of all of this, 10 still wasn’t exactly sure of what to think of you, having not had a real conversation with you yet, but he thought you seemed really cool, even while hooked up to a machine.

III. close

Change was not something 10 was familiar with. He was stuck as a kid forever, he was stuck in the lab, unable to leave like the other segments, he was stuck with the same toys and stories and other various pastimes that had long grown boring. So, the excitement of the unpredictable was something sorely lacking in the child’s life. Not to mention, the lab was a pretty dark place, both figuratively and literally. Although the boy was used to it, he wished it would be a bit more lively.

And after countless years of wishing, his wish finally came true. You, the mysterious sleeping grown-up that he only heard stories about, [Name], had finally woken up from centuries-long slumber. 10 was, to put it in a child’s simple words, “super happy”, but anyone else could see that his feelings went beyond that. However, despite 10’s great desire to meet you, he had decided to wait a bit, just to observe you.

The child followed you around, looking at you from afar, always slipping away before you could notice his presence. Seeing you up and walking around was so different from the once unmoving body he was so accustomed to. He listened to your voice. He watched you relearn so many things. He saw how sweetly you interacted with the other segments, and how keen they were for your touch, how they would tend to you on your weaker days. The child had never seen anything like it. 10 would have never believed the amount of change one mere person could bring. Meanwhile, the segments remained indifferent to the boy.

The more 10 watched you, the more he finally wanted to bask in your attention too. But the boy was scared. He remembered all the other adults in his life, from the village, and how they all looked and treated him with contempt. Could you be like that too? He wanted to think the answer was no, from how kind you seemed, but all the adults were so nice to the others except for him.

But maybe, maybe this time, it could be different. Everyone else approved of you after all. 10 wanted to trust you.

For once, his trust was not betrayed. After 10 finally introduced himself to you, you had given him so much attention it made his head spin. Your gentle and loving yet not overbearing demeanor. The way you listened to him seriously and reciprocated the energy, taking part in his childish activities. He was enthralled, to say the least.

You, on the other hand, were initially mystified by the appearance of the child. Not just any child, Dottore’s child self. Just to let that sink in, you had to keep repeating it to yourself. 10 was Dottore’s child self. He was him as a kid. What you were looking at was the embodiment of Zandik as a little boy. You couldn’t really believe your eyes at first. But he was real. Very real, from his higher-pitched voice (that was a really sharp contrast to Omega, for example) to his childlike demeanor and innocence.

The whole deal with the segments already took a bit for you to get accustomed to, but this was sort of new territory for you. After all, even though you’d known Dottore for so long, his childhood was something that came up rather infrequently. You chose not to pry further when you learned of how poorly he was treated as a child and instead offered him comfort in other ways. It had always made your heart ache and you wished you could do something more about it, to soothe his pain even just a bit. But now you quite literally had him in front of you, in a way. Quickly, your mind began working and formulating something.

Maybe… maybe you could help him by helping 10.

Sure, it sounded a bit stupid and probably useless at first, but there was no harm in trying. If anything else, you would be making 10 smile. From what you could infer, his life within this lab was far too dour for your liking.

Regardless, all those hours flew by in the blink of an eye, so much so that it felt like a dream. Was it, 10 wondered. But then the next day he found you eagerly waiting for him so you could spend more time with him. And the next. And the following day. And next week. Next month. And by then, he and the other were no longer merely numbers, but rather, they had names bestowed upon them, to truly identify them as individuals.

And so, 10 had become Zandy. The difference between his past and present self was just as stark as the name change. It wasn’t just him, either. The other segments seemed different too with you around, in a good way. In all honesty, the young boy thought you were magical because he thought this kind of reality would only be possible in fairy tales. Needless to say, Zandy admired you greatly and sought you out quite frequently.

He was happy to have you help him with his various assignments - to which your eyes nearly popped out when you saw the length and difficulty of some of the questions. You did help him, despite your shaky hands, but most of the time you stole him away to do much more fun things, that were “more important” according to you. The segments kept their thoughts to themselves unless they wanted to hear you gently scold them. It was amazing, Zandy thought.

The conversation of love had happened one day when you were putting him to bed after a long day. It had become a sort of routine for the two of you. You liked it because why wouldn’t you, it was the cutest thing ever. Zandy liked it because of how nice you were even when he really didn’t want to sleep yet, always indulging him with a story or a warm glass of milk. The segments liked it because they didn’t need to deal with him.

“[Name], you love the segments, right?” Zandy had noticed that the word ‘love’ came out of your mouth rather frequently, compared to the other blue-haired men. You blinked at the question.

“Yes, I do. Why?” You asked as you tucked him in for the night alongside his Ruin Guard plushies (that you extorted the segments for.)

“All of them?”

“Of course.”

“Omega and Beta and Alpha and Delta and Zeta and-” His words were stopped by your laughter.

“Yes, dear. And Theta and Psi and Epsilon and- you don’t need me to list out all of their names, right?” Zandy shook his head but he still had another question for you.

“How much love do you have in you, [Name]?” The child couldn’t help but wonder how you did it - loving that many people seemed like a lot of work. You chuckled at the question.

“Very, very, much. You cannot put a quantity to love. It just happens when I’m surrounded by so many lovely people,” you kissed the boy on his forehead. “And that goes for you too. I love you very much, Zandy.” The child’s eyes widened as he fell silent, to which you questioned.

“Zandy? What’s wrong?”

“Nothing,” he mumbled, his words further muffled by how he had now pulled the blanket over his head. You quickly connected the dots. He had probably never been told before that he was loved. You moved your hand under the blankets until you could feel one of his tiny hands, and then intertwined your fingers with the child’s.

“Hey, no need to lie to me, dear. You don’t have to hide around me,” you tried to gently soothe Zandy and coax him out when he spoke again.

“How do you know?”

“How do I know what?”

“That you love me.” His head popped back out of the blanket as he stared at you with big, uncertain eyes, but you only smiled in response.

“Well… for me, it’s simple. It brings me great joy to see you happy and smiling, and I want to make sure you continue to do so. I want to protect you, and I don’t ever want to see you hurt or sad. I want to make sure all of your wishes and dreams come true, and I want to keep you safe.” You said as you stroked Zandy’s hair. (You would have said that you loved him just as any parent would love their son, but you knew that with his experiences… it may not have been the most efficient.) Zandy’s lowered his eyes as he began to chew on his lip in thought.

“I don’t know if I’ve ever loved anyone before, [Name].” Zandy thought back to his parents, people whom he thought he loved, but now that he had you around, he realized that his feelings for them were nothing compared to what you made him feel. Loved.

“That’s quite alright. Love is a beautiful thing, but it isn’t easy. What matters is that one tries.” That was a lesson all the segments could use. It was a bit confusing for Zandy, but somehow, he felt he understood.

“I see…” The sleepiness had finally fully hit Zandy as his eyes began to droop.

“Now, go to sleep. You don’t want to wake up tired tomorrow.” The child nodded and snuggled more under the cover. “Sweet dreams, dear.” You squeezed his hand before kissing his forehead one last time, and then getting up to turn off the light. As the room turned dark, you heard a small voice from behind you.

“I… love you, [Name].” It was quiet enough that if you weren’t paying attention, you might not have heard it, but you found his shyness endearing.

“I love you too, my child.” You smiled before exiting Zandy’s room, leaving him to have wonderful dreams, and then you were slightly startled by the man waiting outside for you. Dottore, rather, Prime Dottore himself. Zandik.

“Dottore. You’re here. I’ve missed you!” Your surprise quickly morphed into happiness as you saw the person you loved. He looked pleased to see you as well, as you linked your arm around his. “I hope I didn’t keep you too long. I was putting Zandy to bed.”

“I am aware. You do so every day.” You giggled, a little bit embarrassed.

“Well, someone needs to. You know, you should join us! We could always use another playmate.”

“I believe you are far more suited to the task than I am. Moreover, how have you been feeling as of late? It seems you have more energy than usual.” The way he quickly changed the conversation didn’t go unnoticed by you. You had told yourself that you wanted to help Dottore by helping Zandy, but it seemed to you that he rarely ever interacted, or even wanted to interact with the child. Dottore didn’t talk to his segments much in general, but he still had to for experiments and general Fatui business. Zandy, however, was the exception. It did hurt your heart to see it happen.

Back in your room, you had some thinking to do.

Now that you thought about it, you should have seen this coming. It made a lot of sense for Dottore to behave like this. You knew his feelings toward his childhood, towards himself in fact. But was it right? Was it fair? Of course not, at least in your opinion. However, you didn’t know what Zandy thought about this. You had yet to see the two together, and you had never asked him about Prime either.

You wondered what your lover thought when he heard of you and Zandy together, you hugging and showering him in affection. Did he like it? Was he annoyed? Or did he not care, maybe something else? You always prided yourself on being able to comprehend him but…

This wasn’t going to be easy.

But you would see it to the end.

IV. complex

You often enjoyed taking walks around the lab. It was a good pastime and a way to keep your body active, not to mention the times you’d bump into a segment and end up taking a little break with him. Although you enjoyed the time by yourself, it could be a bit too lonely sometimes, which was precisely why Zandy came along.

You had found out that he knew every nook and cranny of this place like the back of his hand, having explored it for countless years as he had nothing better to do. Therefore, Zandy often showed you around the lab, more specifically, the unknown and harder-to-reach parts, also known as his favorite hiding spots. You were quite grateful for his assistance, as you were sure you’d never discover some of these places on your own.

Zandy was a bundle of energy that you could handle, well, most of the time at least. Were it not for your illness, you would have matched it easily. You felt a bit bad about not being able to keep up with him, but the child never minded. Although he tended to run in the halls and drag you around, he always paid attention to whether you seemed to need a break. A real sweetheart, indeed.

Today was one such day.

You and Zandy had already been in this area before, but it was so big you couldn’t complete it all in one day. The kid was eager to continue exploring with you, scampering in front of you and then jumping in place for you to catch up. You believed he was especially excited because, on one of these journeys, you two had discovered some sort of creature… or rather creatures lurking around.

The corridors always had some darkness to them, so you had not noticed the black puff balls hiding until one of them popped open its singular red eye at you. You would have yelped if you weren’t in awe of the cuteness of the silly creature. Similarly, once Zandy followed your line of sight, stars appeared in his eyes as more black puff balls came out of nowhere, and began scurrying toward you. The singular blue strand of hair reminded you of someone. Your best guess was that it was one of Dottore’s failed experiments.

Before you could advise the child to be cautious of these pufflings, Zandy had scooped one up already and was petting it. At least they seemed to be friendly - they had even gifted you a couple of shiny things, tiny pieces of minerals. And you swore you caught sight of a fluffy blue thing with a tail peering from afar too that seemed to be too shy to approach. Perhaps Dottore would let you keep them as a pet if you asked?

You giggled to yourself as you finished reminiscing about that. You did hope you ran into those things again. Meanwhile, Zandy had already gone ahead, turning into another hall.

“Now Zandy, don’t run too fast before you trip and fall!” You called after him, increasing the pace of your steps to chase after him.

“Come on, all the Mr. Fluffies are wait-” Zandy’s joyful voice abruptly stopped. You furrowed your eyebrows in confusion before pushing yourself to jog a little faster. And that’s when you saw the reason why he had stopped - Dottore was standing over the little boy, the height difference so palpable that they both had to crane their neck to view the other. It seemed that Zandy bumped into him, but you were happy to see your two favorite people together. Perhaps this was a good chance to put another plan into action!

“Hello, Dottore. I’m glad to see you out of your office so much,” you greeted your lover with a pleasant smile. The man had no expression, while the boy hid his relief when he saw you. You tried not to bite your lip.

“I did not expect to see you here.”

“You know I like to take my daily walks, so Zandy here was just showing me some more places to go. But it looks like your secret spots aren’t so secret anymore, are they Zandy?” You chuckled light-heartedly, but when you looked down, you saw that the child was fidgeting with his fingers awkwardly, clinging onto your cling.

“Mhm.” Your smile fell.

“I see.” The two did not make eye contact, the tension suffocating. You cleared your throat.

“W-We could use another person to-”

“Unfortunately, I am preoccupied at the moment,” the Harbinger quickly dismissed your request. “However, do remember not to push yourself. Your body is still weak.”

“... Of course.”

“Good.” With a nod to you and without further eye contact to Zandy, he walked away. You held back a sigh before you ruffled the kid’s hair.

“Shall we continue?” Your smile didn’t reach all the way to your eyes, but you hoped Zandy wouldn’t realize. But before you could move, he spoke.

“Why do you like him so much, [Name]?” The child repeated the question he remembered asking you while you were still asleep. This time, however, he would finally get an answer. You crouched down to Zandy’s level, placing your hands on his shoulders as you pondered what to say.

“I love Dottore because… he makes me feel loved too. For centuries, he’s treated me better than anyone else. His kindness may not be typical, but I still receive it happily. His sweetness is bitter, but the taste is pleasurable. His love isn’t ordinary, but it soothes me either way.”

“That makes sense.” Zandy knew that wasn’t a lie. He had seen how his creator treated you. “Then Prime must feel the opposite toward me.”

“That’s not true.” You frowned as you immediately shot down the thought, stroking Zandy’s cheek gently. “Dottore just-” Before you could finish, Zandy looked up at you with a wide, forced smile as he broke free from your hold.

“It’s okay, [Name]. It doesn’t bother me. Now let’s go, I want to find those puffy things again!” And then the child was off, and you were left with an aching heart.

That same night, you paid Dottore a visit, unwilling to be a bystander in this anymore. At least he was doing paperwork this time. It was easier to gain his attention than when he was doing an experiment.

“Dottore.”

“Hello, [Name].” The scholar didn’t look up from his work, as he was already used to you popping in and hanging around for a bit.

“Are you busy?”

“I-”

“Good. We need to talk.” Dottore paused and looked up at you for a moment, who had now stood in front of him, your hands balled on his desk. He took in the dissatisfied look and thin line in replace of your usual smile, before responding.

“About?”

“Why do you ignore Zandy so much?” You said plainly, not in the mood to beat around the bush. From the way his pen stopped, you think he knew this was coming eventually.

“I simply do not have time to entertain the whims of a child.”

“It has nothing to do with that! I-, this is just basic decency. It feels to me that your lack of consideration is on purpose. It is, isn’t it?” Dottore was silent, not even moving his pen.

“Answer me, Zandik.”

“He has you. It is enough.”

“It is not enough. Zandy is a child. He is hurt by you. You are hurting yourself, Zandik. Do you expect me to be okay with this?” Dottore’s pen had started moving again. Your palms hurt from your fingers digging into them so harshly. In a last-ditch effort, you attempted to speak to him using those terms he liked so much.

“Did you not create him to understand his perspective of everything? So, how do you plan to do that if you do not try to speak to him?” It seemed you were not going to let this go.

“I created my segments to observe their perspectives. To preserve it,” Dottore clarified.

“Observe?” You laughed at that. “Pray tell, how will you do that if you don’t even try to be around the child for more than five seconds? And besides, merely observing never brings you the most satisfying results. I thought you of all people would understand that,” you quipped back.

“Please, at least… at least tell me you’re going to try. Just try, even if it doesn’t work out,” you pleaded with your love. Unfortunately, your words could not reach him.

“It is late. You should go to sleep.” You gritted your teeth at his response.

“Fine. Then I will simply treat you the same way as you do with Zandy.” As he opened his mouth to defy your declaration, you quickly spoke again. “If you think I won’t do it, then you forgot the person I was in the Akademiya, and who I still am now. I do this because I love every single version of you, Zandik, more than anything else in this world. If you want to test my love, then by all means go ahead, but I doubt you’ll find even one possibility where you’ll be able to. Good night.” Your tone was hard and biting as you left without letting him get in another word.

Dottore could only watch as you stormed out, leaning back in his chair to rub his forehead as his mask clattered to the ground. Il Dottore was used to getting his way. Zandik, however, not so much, especially when you were in the picture. This perspective of yours was always… always something he struggled to understand.

Of course, the Harbinger learned very quickly that you would make good on your word. Instead of his name being called, he had to deal with his segments being asked for instead.

“Omega, please administer the medicine for me today.”

“Delta, could you come over here? I feel a bit unsteady on my feet.”

“Sigma, would you visit me before bed? I would like someone to chat with.”

“Beta, let’s go to your lab. I’m bored!”

You walked past him without a glance. You did not ask him anything. You did not refer to him. He was practically invisible to you. You knew that you were technically being more harsh to him than he was to Zandy, but you weren’t going to stop. You also hoped that helping Dottore to be kind to Zandy would eventually spread to the other segments too. The segments were initially baffled by the turn of events but quickly adjusted to it, although the look Prime gave them certainly wasn’t something they wanted to endure. It didn’t need to be said that Prime was awfully upset, despite his unbothered expression.

In the past, every time you had pulled a stunt or something after an argument, Dottore would find it amusing. He had a bad habit of being unyielding and refusing to admit he was in the wrong, and that was coupled with his idea that you were just being childish. But every time, you stuck it out until the end and refused to back down too. Eventually, he stopped finding it funny.

The stalemate went on for a while. Dottore’s bed had remained cold for far too long, no longer having the pleasant surprise of finding you on it sometimes. His office was silent, your visits becoming nonexistent. Despite how he chided you sometimes for bothering him, his mind had become preoccupied with thoughts of you and what you were doing. It wasn’t good for someone who had so much work to do, and for someone who hated giving in. This simply wouldn’t do.

At the very least, he could at least still follow you around to see your sweet smile and laughter. You just didn’t know. However, it seemed every time he longed for you, you also happened to be with the kid. For a long time, every time he saw you be so sweet to the child, it felt like seeing an impossibility become a possibility, and yet he tried his best to ignore it. He knew how fond you were of his child segment, well, Zandy as you’ve come to call him, and he… he just didn’t…know how to feel.

Yet now he felt himself somehow drawn to the scene, in a strange way. Was it because he liked seeing you happy, and the child seemed to bring out your brightest smiles? Was it because seeing his child segment like this wasn’t something he’d ever witnessed before? Was it because he himself had never been treated so kindly as a child, and yet now he was watching it happen in front of him? Was it because his deepest wishes that he buried with his childhood self were now becoming reality? Dottore ignored the answers to his own questions, attempting to finish a report that was long overdue for Pantalone, but his mind continued to wander about what he had witnessed.

Dottore remembers when he overheard you and Zandy having dinner.

You and Zandy were sitting across from each other eating. Well, it was more like you trying to convince the child to eat at least a few of his vegetables.

“Zandy, at least eat a few. You don’t need to finish it all,” you gently urged the child. “How else are you going to become big and strong?”

“But they’re yucky,” he pouted. You chuckled.

“Perhaps I need to experiment more… I will find a way to prepare it in a way you like, my child. But for now, if you eat a bit more, I’ll… give you my dessert!” Zandy perked up at your words while stabbing the dreaded green thing with his fork.

“Deal!” He exclaimed while forcing the vegetable into his mouth (eating with his ‘family’ for once.)

Dottore remembers when he overheard you and Zandy playing a game.

You had recently purchased a game from abroad to pass the time. It had four surfaces and numerous columns that you needed to place small, medium, or large gears on. The objective was to place the right gears at the right locations in order to get them all going. Although you originally bought it for yourself, Zandy was quite excited by the idea, and you were never going to turn down an opportunity to challenge his brain. Within reason, of course.

In the end, you were content with simply watching the child play with the gears and figure out the answer by himself, or with small hints from you.

“Would you look at that! You’ve already finished all of the levels, and we’ve only started today… I didn’t even need to be here since you’ve got such a smart brain up there,” you teased, tapping Zandy’s forehead playfully. He blushed slightly.

“That’s not true. Your advice was really helpful, [Name]!”

“Perhaps, but your own thoughts were already more than enough. I would like to hear them more often.” The child glowed at the idea of you listening to him (instead of shunning him.)

“Okay!”

Dottore remembers when he overheard you reading Zandy a book.

You had a tendency to invite Zandy over to your room often, considering how much Zandy liked it. He marveled at the size and all your decorations, and the collections of your interests (how you had gotten Dottore to fund this was beyond the child’s imagination.) Not to mention, how soft and fluffy your numerous pillows were. Tonight, you were reading him a story, the child lying back against your chest as you held the storybook in front of you two.

“Alright, I think that’s enough for tonight,” you said as you stifled a yawn, and you also noticed Zandy was doing the same. “We can continue tomorrow.”

“Okay…” Zandy mumbled tiredly enough not to put up a fight. You put the book to the side and turned off the lights (with a remote, courteously created by Dottore for the days you couldn’t get out of bed.) Pulling up the blankets, you were about to wish the boy good night when he spoke.

“[Name]?”

“Yes?”

“I always have lots of fun when I’m with you but… do I bother you too much? I know you’re probably busy and you also have your illness and-”

“Zandy. I love spending time with you. And even if I am busy, I will always make time for you, no matter what,” you promised the boy (unlike that man and woman who left him forever alone.)

“Oh…”

“See? So don’t ever feel bad about it,” you reassured Zandy, which left him with only the sweetest of dreams to dream.

Dottore remembers when he overheard you gently lecturing Zandy.

Children are pure-hearted and innocent, and even Dottore was once a child. It wasn’t hard to see that Zandy and his other older selves were starkly different. The former was kind and sweet, and the latter… well, you didn’t need to say it out loud. But the main point was that you didn’t need to worry too much about Zandy hiding stuff from you. Once you broke down his walls, he was a very open and honest child. Ninety-nine percent of the time, you’d say. But of course, children were children.

You had left the child in the kitchen while you went to retrieve a new cookbook the Eleventh Harbinger had gifted you, wanting to try out some new dishes especially since Zandy was interested. When you got back, however, you noticed that his face seemed a bit flushed and nervous, and his hands were in his pockets.

“Zandy? Everything alright?”

“Um, yeah!” His voice sounded a bit odd, and you squinted at him while he avoided eye contact. You’ve dealt with Dottore who was a smooth, easy talker that could spin lies like nothing. Zandy, on the other hand, was too easy to see through.

“Are you sure?” The boy nodded in response, probably so his voice wouldn’t betray him again. “Show me your hands.” But he only had a child’s level of lying, from the way his eyes gave it away.

“But-”

“Now.” Zandy very reluctantly showed you his hand, and you then saw one of his fingers was dripping blood. Your heart sank.

“You’re bleeding? I- What happened?!” You rushed him over to the sink and began washing it, while your other hand rummaged through the cabinets for some cotton or bandages.

“I wanted to be h-helpful and get the stuff out for you. But I dropped a plate and it broke and I tried to clean it up and I cut myself,” Zandy mumbled, clearly not wanting to admit his mistake.

“Why didn’t you tell me?” You were already used to seeing your own blood drawn, but Zandy was a different story. Seeing your child hurt had made you dizzy and uneasy, even if it was just a cut.

“... I thought you would be mad.” Zandy’s voice was but a whisper, and your eyes softened.

“And why would I be mad at you?”

“B-Because I broke something…” You sighed as you placed the bandage around his tiny finger.

“But it was just an accident, right? Accidents happen, and furthermore, we have dozens of plates. I would never be mad at something as simple as that. And I care far more for your well-being rather than a mere plate. So next time, please don’t lie to me. Okay, Zandy?” You said gently but firmly, as you finished treating his finger (a far cry from what his punishment used to be, living in that house.)

“Okay, [Name]...” The boy hugged you afterward, blinking back his tears on your shirt so you wouldn’t see them.

Dottore remembers when he overheard you talking to Zandy about him.

The stand-off between you and Dottore had gone on long enough for even Zandy to realize, even though you tried to keep him out of the loop. You should have guessed that the child was going to ask you eventually.

“[Name], are you and Prime fighting?” The question came out of nowhere, surprising you but you hoped it didn’t show.

“We are just having a… disagreement, dear. Nothing to worry about. And no, it isn’t about you or anyone else. It is just a personal thing between us,” you added before Zandy could inquire. You hoped he didn’t feel guilty.

“Do you miss him?

“Of course.”

“Then why fig- disagree so much?”

“Zandy, some things in life can only be resolved with disagreements. You’re not going to see eye to eye with everyone, even those you love. But they’re necessary so that you can move on and grow stronger together,” you explained. “Neither of us enjoys having spats… even though he treats them like a joke sometimes,” the last part was mumbled under your breath, “but we do get through them every time, and although it’s definitely not easy, it’s worth it.” Zandy blinked thoughtfully at your response, (an unconventional depiction of healthy love, rather than the conventional portrayal of an unhealthy one he once knew.)

“You’re really strong, [Name].”

“Strong? Not anymore. Patient? Yes,” you laughed, for you are the only one capable of loving a heretic.

Dottore remembers an awful lot, for someone who supposedly doesn’t care. He remembers all the moments you’ve spent with his child self, from when you were sleeping to when you woke up to the ones he heard through his segments. What you’ve introduced into Zandy’s life is the opposite of what Zandik’s life was like. Sheer love, to put it simply, even someone like him can see it, as he is no idiot. Dottore denies wanting to be accepted, and yet he is watching himself be accepted as he longed for. It makes him feel…

Regardless, this sort of mind wandering was no good for the Harbinger, especially the type where you have forced him to dwell about the child he is and isn’t. Before he knew it, the report sat untouched in front of him for a period of time.

Truly no good, and that is why his feet automatically move to find you once more. In truth, he hadn’t decided what he was going to say to you yet - whether to admit that in his heart he has yielded to you but his words will probably be the opposite.

It wasn’t hard to find you. You were usually in your room or a segment’s, or with a segment himself, minus the times you decided to take walks. At this time though, you’d probably be with the child.

Dottore was right. But it wasn’t quite what he had expected.

You and Zandy had fallen asleep… on the floor, hands barely brushing each other. Dottore sighed at the sight - at least it was rugged and not wooden. The cold wouldn’t have been good for either of you.

(Either of you?)

He made his way over to the two of you, bending down to move you to the bed. He first pulled your body to his chest with ease before his gaze flicked to the child next to you. His breath stills, hand hesitantly hovering over Zandy, fingers twitching with unease.

(Since when did he, the Second Harbinger, one that could very well be compared to a God, hesitate? This was foolish. It didn’t mean anything.)

And then Zandik slid his arm around the boy, bringing him into his chest too, and then rose to put you two comfortably to bed. He never thought he would ever tuck his child segment in, but here he was anyway.

It made him feel a little sick, the unfamiliar sensation along his fingertips and heart and mind.

But Dottore can’t resist giving you a kiss, having missed your lips for so long, which makes him feel a bit better. He’ll always have you, his beloved.

He should leave you two to rest properly, but he finds himself drawn to the scene in front of him. The ill feeling still remains somewhere, but a warmth that he wouldn’t name had started spreading too.

As he makes his way to leave the room, he dares not to look at the drawings scattered around, for they are persistent in portraying him as what he is not. In the poor scribbles, he is not a Harbinger, not a scholar or a scientist, nor a monster or the Doctor or Dottore in them.

He is just a man, one who can succumb to the side of him he so constantly rejects.

V. clumsy

You wouldn’t have believed last night happened if you weren’t there. But it did - you couldn’t sleep after you felt his warm embrace, but more importantly, after he held Zandy. You hadn’t even expected him to talk to the child so quickly, much less hold him so tenderly (even if that wasn’t his intention.) When it came to this kind of stuff, it was never easy to change his mind.

Needless to say, you were pleased but you knew he was never going to admit to it. However, you were still proud of him, and you were still determined to accomplish your goal.

Walking to Dottore’s office was something you had missed. When Zandy had asked you if you missed Dottore, the answer wasn’t just that you missed him - you longed for him, you yearned for his touch, you craved his presence. Such deep love was the reason why you wanted to help him.

When you get there, he’s preoccupied at his desk again. No matter how strong he may be, you still worry for his back sometimes. You should make some more snacks for him later too.

“Dottore,” you say as you walk in. The place was as boring-looking as it always is, the only decorations are the little trinkets you’ve gifted him that lay on his desk. His mouth opens to respond but he then immediately pauses, as he processes whose voice he’s hearing. He takes a few moments to study you as you continue to walk up to his desk, now standing in front of him just as you were the last time you were here.

“Hello, [Name].” He doesn’t show how nice it is to hear your voice again after so long, even though he has dealt with it for over four hundred years.

“Hello, Dottore. And how have you been?” Dottore watches you carefully with your line of questioning.

“As I’ve always have.” You hum in response as you glance at the papers on his desk, idly clicking and unclicking one of his numerous pens (that had yet to snap in half.) “I’ve heard your report for Pantalone is late. Is something occupying your mind, perhaps?”

“There is no such thing. The information is simply-”

“You know, I saw you last night, Zandik.” Your words cut him off as you watch his shoulders tense, and then relax. “I saw what you did.”

“I… see.” He probably knew it was futile to deny the claim. “And?” He watched as you walked around to his chair, your eyes glancing to his lap and back to his eyes as if asking for permission. He motioned for you to come closer, and you settled down on his lap, legs hooked over to the side. You were silent for a few moments before you reached for his large hand and held it with yours, rubbing your thumb over his knuckles.

“I won’t ask you to explain anything to me,” you began. “I… I don’t want to sound like I’m pitying you, I know you despise that, Zandik.” He remained silent. “But we,” you stressed on that word, “we can still make things right. It’s not too late to change things, no matter what’s happened before,” you said softly as you cupped Dottore’s cheek, caressing it gently. Your lover remained silent as he continued to look at you, his hand reaching to intertwine with your own.

“I remember every time your perspective clashed with mine,” he replied. You tried to ignore your rapid heartbeat. “And I remember the end result was that you were always right, and I was too stubborn. Yet you always pushed me to see it your way regardless.” Dottore’s hand rested on top of your head, stroking your hair as he considered his next words.

“Maybe this time I shall save myself the time and energy and listen to you instead.” You could have fainted, hearing Dottore admit that to you. Your mouth opened and closed, trying to find something to respond with, but there was nothing else you could do other than smile, ignoring the prick of tears in your eyes, and the way your breathing stuttered.

“... Thank you, Zandik. Thank you,” you whispered, nuzzling your face into his chest.

“However, I must say I may not be up to your-”

“You will,” you quickly interrupted. “You will be. You can do this, with me of course. We’ll take it slow and easy of course, I know this is quite hard and you’re busy and-” you continued to reassure him while squeezing his hand and nodding passionately, while he watched amused.

“I question where your confidence comes from.” You smiled, for that was an easy question.

“Because you are no monster, Zandik. Not to me, at least, the person who knows you better than anyone else. And even if the world views you as one, well… I suppose we would be two monsters together. That’s not too bad, right?” You chuckled, and he couldn’t help but smile a bit too.

“Perhaps you could be right.”

From then on, it was certainly a journey. An exhausting and long one to say the least. But it was also a rewarding one.

Obviously, even though he had given you his word, real life was different from the fantasy you wished for. There were still his overwhelming duties as a Harbinger, there were many days he didn’t even have time for you. And you - there were many days your illness left you far too tired to move around or even speak to anyone. And of course, Il Dottore was not going to change his ways overnight. It was hard dealing with him sometimes. There were still arguments. Clashes. Annoyance. It was never easy to mesh differentiating perspectives into one.

Still, nothing was enough to deter you or your love for him.

a. the potential attempt

The first step was to get them to be in the same space. Not even closely or with interaction, just to get them comfortable enough with each other. When you proposed the idea to Zandy, the baffled look on his face nearly made you laugh. He initially didn’t want to, which you could understand, but you played it off as wanting to spend time with both of them, considering how Dottore was frequently busy. Getting Zandy to agree wasn’t that hard, considering how much he loved you, but you still felt a bit bad. But this was for a good cause!

You were accustomed to chilling wherever Dottore was without fear. Zandy, on the other hand, was not the same. He spoke quietly and always flickered his eyes to see where and what Dottore was doing.

“Zandy, you don’t need to worry about him. Nothing’s going to happen.”

“But…”

“Trust me. I bet he can’t even hear us right now,” you nudged him to look at the older man. “See that look on his face? How hard he’s gripping his pen and how fast he’s writing? That’s how you know he’s so incredibly focused, he tunes out the rest of the world.” Still, the child didn’t look too convinced by your words, so you decided to prove it.

“Dottore, I made you some baklava,” you said rather loudly, yet there was no response. Zandy looked surprised now, you both knew how much Dottore enjoyed Sumerian desserts. “And, I brewed you a new pot of coffee.” His pen continued to scribble across the paper, as you then turned to Zandy.

“See? No need to feel so cautious.” Zandy’s shoulders seemed to relax until you spoke again. “Now you try it.”

“Me?!” Zandy whisper-yelled, looked as if you had asked him to commit a crime.

“Yes, you dear. How else will you get comfortable with him?” The child pouted and nuzzled into your arm, seeing as you weren’t going to give up. He chewed on his lip and he began to speak.

“I… Prime…,” Zandy tried to think of something, anything, “Prime… I ate your sweets!” The child immediately regrets it at record speed, anxiously hiding behind you.

“... My, my, how bold. Even I wouldn’t say that.” Zandy peeked out behind you and saw his creator was still diligently writing, and breathed a sigh of relief. “See, not that bad, right?” The boy nodded, but his mind wandered.

“[Name], I didn’t eat his sweets.” You cocked your head at his statement. “... But I think Beta did.”

“Oh dear. I suppose it’s time to get a lock on that fridge now… and then we need to make some more before-” At that moment, a snapping sound from the side made you two jump.

Ah. Dottore had finally broken his pen. Well, that one lasted longer than usual. You and Zandy watched with held breath as Dottore scowled and cast the broken utensil to the side, before looking at each other and trying to hold in laughter, avoiding the Harbinger’s eye contact and returning to what you two were previously doing. The man looked at your giggling faces with confusion.

“Is something the matter?”

“Not at all, love. Not at all,” you smiled, but by the fact that even his child segment seemed to be giggling, he knew you said something. (He ignores how foreign the laughter of the child sounds to him.)

Regardless, he sends you a look before shaking his head and returning to work (with a new pen.)

b. the awkward attempt

One of the moments that captured your heart was when Zandy walked in on Dottore giving you one of your shots. Needles weren’t unfamiliar to you anymore, and although they scared you (and still did, to be honest), thankfully Dottore and the segments had enough patience to make it as painless as possible. Zandy, however, never really saw the checkups or anything related because you really didn’t want to worry the child about your illness. But you supposed it would happen eventually.

The atmosphere had suddenly turned a bit awkward with Zandy now standing at the door, eyes on the rather large needle that sat on the tray, that was definitely going into none other than you. From his wide eyes, you could tell it probably wasn’t what he was expecting to see. Of course, needles, especially a big one like Dottore was holding, would scare any child his age.

“O-Oh! Zandy, you can wait outside for a few minutes. You don’t need to watch,” you explained, while Dottore stood silently next to you as he prepped the area of your arm. The child seemed conflicted for a few moments before he decided to walk closer to you and the Harbinger.

“No, it’s okay. I… want to see,” Zandy said. In reality, the boy knew you hid certain things from him and wished to know the truth. He wanted to know how badly you were hurt, maybe he could try and do something for you. (Perhaps this too, is a side effect of teaching him what love is.)

“You do? Well… I guess I won’t stop you then,” you said, a bit confused but you wouldn’t just send him away. Dottore placed a hand on your shoulder and got you to relax again for him. Meanwhile, Zandy had come up to the opposite side and looked at you with slightly worried eyes.

“Is it going to hurt, [Name]?”

“Well, it does prick a bit, but it’s nothing I can’t handle. It’s the same as any other shot,” you tried to reassure him as his gaze became downcast. You bit your lip nervously, about to give him a solution, when out of nowhere Dottore himself spoke.

“Physical and emotional support from another party often makes the procedure less painful for the recipient,” he said in a monotone as if he wasn’t speaking to either of you at all. You and Zandy blinked at him before he continued. “I’m going to start the injection now.” Suddenly, it seemed like Zandy understood the message, as the child then grabbed your hand, and squeezed it with his much tinier one.

“You can do this, [Name]!” His instant enthusiasm distracted you from the prick of the needle, but also the fact that Dottore technically spoke to Zandy, encouraging him even. It was simply adorable.

“Zandy, I-”

“You know, there was one time I fell while-”

“Oh wow-”

“But I was okay because-”

“I see-” You had decided to continue smiling and nodding at the child’s attempt to distract you from the shot until he abruptly stopped, his eyes flickering to where Dottore had now finished bandaging the area.

“Ah, it’s finished,” you breathed a sigh of relief and deflated on the chair, but Zandy still had a load of energy for you to entertain.

“You didn’t even look a bit scared, [Name]!” You grinned and ruffled his hair.

“Why, I doubt anything in this world could scare me when I have my lovely son and husband with me,” you smiled as you kissed Zandy’s forehead, which he beamed at while Dottore turned away to clean up, an attempt to ignore how the scene made his chest feel.

A family, huh?

What a strange thing.

c. the successful attempt

You were quite proud of the progress Zandy and Dottore had made together, but still, the most important part remained. Now that you had gotten them to be in the same room with each other, you wanted them to at least manage a few short conversations. That was the biggest and most difficult part of this whole thing, but starting small was always the key. And so you decided to somewhat ‘force’ them into such situations. How? By just making the child run errands for you. (Sure, you could have let things run their natural course, but with these two, they definitely needed some kind of push.)

An easy way to make Dottore lighten up was to cook something yummy for him, with bonus points if it was something from his homeland. So that was what you and Zandy did - whipped up a bunch of samosas and even a pita pocket (since you knew he had definitely been skipping meals, much to your dismay.) You had packaged them nicely in a container for him to eat at his leisure and instructed Zandy to deliver them. He seemed less nervous than before but still a bit on edge, nevertheless determined to fulfill your wishes, as he soon found himself in Prime’s office. The man seemed surprised. The child avoided eye contact. The room was silent, without you to act as a middleman.

But Dottore decided to begin.

“Did you need something?” Zandy perked up at the acknowledgment and quickly began walking to his desk, slightly standing up on his tippy-toes to push the container of food in front of his creator.

“[Name] and I made this for you. They said you need to eat more or they’ll get mad again,” the child repeated your words verbatim, trying to gauge Dottore’s reaction. The scholar’s hands glided against the plastic, looking at the tasty treats that lay inside.

“I see. Thank you.” He began to set them to the side before Zandy spoke again.

“Um, they also want you to try one.” Dottore paused. Of course you would say that, he sighed.

“Very well.” He opened the container and picked out a samosa, the snack still warm. He ignored how enticing it was to his stomach and began to lift it to his mouth when he stopped and pushed the box closer to his child segment. Zandy looked at him with curious eyes and he motioned for him to take one. Happily, the boy indulged his request and popped the samosa into his mouth, which Dottore soon followed suit, the two savoring the flavors of your delicious and homey cooking.

“How would you say that was?” He questioned Zandy. The child still had trouble he was being acknowledged so much but responded in kind.

“The most delicious thing ever!”

“I would say the same.” And that was the end of the conversation, as Dottore returned to his work and Zandy scurried away, both content with the conclusion. Dottore’s answers may have been short and swift, but it was progress.

By now Dottore had caught onto your little game, while Zandy was just happy to be helpful to you. There were a lot of other instances where you sent him to Dottore - to fetch some medication, to bring Dottore a letter (that totally didn’t just have three words on it), to bring him some new writing utensils, and much more. The occurrences were all short, but they were beginning to grow a lot less awkward. You were happy.

This time you asked Zandy to fetch a book from Dottore, which was actually a legitimate request this time. He really wanted to learn more about those Ruin Machines, and you figured it would be a lot easier if you had a book as a reference. (Dottore had not yet gotten used to the Zandy’s appearances, still a bit stiff and unsure about the whole thing. But they weren’t unwelcome visits, no, they were starting to become a constant in his life.)

Zandy, on the other hand, had already started to feel much better about interacting with Prime Dottore, thanks to your words and Dottore’s much better actions. The once dreaded path to his office had now become a lot more lighthearted. Sure, he was still a bit tense sometimes, but he thinks most people are that way around Dottore (except you, you’re special), so when he finally makes it to his creator’s office once more he’s not too scared. The older man doesn’t seem to be surprised at his visits anymore.

“And what request do you come to me for today?”

“[Name] and I need a book.” Dottore’s eyes widened. You knew the kind of books he had were… well, inappropriate for some eyes. “A book about Ruin Machines and Guards and Graders and Hunters and their parts and designs and all that cool stuff!”

“I see.” Well, that made more sense. The Harbinger got up from his seat to retrieve a book on that topic, when a sudden and uncharacteristic thought came over him. He did enjoy reading books, as they were a wondrous source of information, but he still far preferred hands-on learning. He wondered if… if perhaps his younger self would prefer that too right now.

No, he knew Zandy would, he was literally him when he was a kid, but the question was whether Dottore was up to this or not. A while ago, this situation would have been impossible. But now, it was a possibility, an outcome that only Dottore could choose to achieve. He stared at Zandy, who had begun to get a bit nervous at the strange attention.

“If you’re busy-”

“Would you prefer it if I showed you instead, rather than simply viewing pictures?”

“Like the actual machines?” Zandy’s eyes glowed with excitement.

“No, just the parts. But I believe it will be more interesting than only examining them in a book.” He could already hear you in his ear if he decided to let the child near those things, especially without you. Zandy only felt a moment of disappointment before he quickly bounced back.

“Please! I want to see the parts! Can I touch them too? Will you show me what they do?” His barrage of questions was sudden, but the scientist found himself enjoying them. After all, if no one else will indulge his curiosity, then he must do so himself, no matter what age he is.

(Although he’s only a few minutes into the explanation, his younger self’s eyes glimmer with a brightness he’s never seen, or at least never noticed before. Were his eyes always this red? You always compliment the color of his, but he can’t seem to remember his eyes ever having such a radiant gleam. He ignores it, for he’s sure his own eyes were never like that as a child.)

Meanwhile, you were left wondering why the boy had been gone so long. Did something happen? You decided to make your way over to Dottore’s office when you heard the voices spilling out of the ajar door. A young and chirpy one, and an old and tired one, and yet they both seemed equally as excited about whatever the subject matter was.

Peeking in, you were beyond surprised to see your husband and child sitting next to each other, a variety of mechanical parts surrounding the two. Zandy was examining one while Dottore rambled on about it, yet in a logically sound way that even a child could understand. You remember the same thing happening to you back in the Akademiya.

Your heart beat excitedly at this discovery. The way they seemed comfortable with each other, despite their strained relationship from a while ago… in fact, perhaps you could say it looked like a father and his son. All that was missing was the other parent. But should you ruin the moment? You wanted it to last forever…

Unfortunately, staring for too long had attracted the attention of Zandy, who brightened even more at your presence, and quickly waved you over, which also alerted Dottore. Well, there was no hiding anymore, as you began to walk towards the two you loved the most.

“Well well, lucky you, Zandy. To get a lesson from none other than Dottore in Automatons! But oh, I am a bit hurt. Are my teaching skills not up to par for you two?” You teased them lightheartedly, which Zandy giggled at, and Dottore scoffed.

“Fa- Prime wanted to show me the stuff instead of us going through that huge book together. It’s much more fun this way! Oh, but I should have come and told you though… sorry.” Dottore didn’t say anything, but you didn’t need him to. You went to the opposite side of Zandy and sat down, wrapping your arm around him.

“Perhaps I too could be one of your students, Dottore? Zandy and I are eager to learn more!” Dottore let out a sigh at your antics.

“Then listen carefully, because I will not repeat myself to you.”

“How cruel!”

The laughter of two echoed throughout the room, while the other could only smile.

VI. coldness

You loved your family very much. That was obvious to anyone who saw you with them.

Pantalone who asked about how your son was faring, and if your husband would be able to produce sufficient results soon. Columbina who liked to play dress up with you and Zandy to wear matching outfits, while Dottore obviously refused to entertain her nonsense. Childe who couldn’t help but be fond of Zandy as well, tempted to introduce him to Teucer, but also greatly questioned your choice of husband (and father.) The Fatui agents who watched you squish the young segment’s cheeks and tease your imposing Harbinger husband in broad daylight. It was certainly something to see, and one wouldn’t believe it until they saw it with their own eyes.

Meanwhile, the segments had been onlookers on the whole thing.

You were sure each individual segment felt a bit differently about the situation, but the general feeling was probably jealousy. Jealousy toward Zandy for being able to take up so much of your attention. Well, that had always been the case since you’d met the child, but it increased a lot since your journey to help Dottore reconcile with his past self. You just hoped as the years went by, their attitude would change. If you had gotten Prime to change, then his segments weren’t impossible, right? You did see a few of them start to be a bit more patient with Zandy!

Regardless, you were more than happy with the outcome. Dottore and Zandy were talking to each other like normal human beings now. Sure, there were still moments where they were awkward and silent, which was to be expected considering how many years went by with their relationship nonexistent.

Physical affection, however… well, it still had some work left. The only person he wanted to touch him was you since he had known you for so long. Even then, sometimes you couldn’t when he wasn’t in a good mood. So coming to terms with Zandy touching him so casually was still something to get used to. Still, he seemed to have gotten used to the hand brushing and even patted the child’s hair when he did well. On good days, perhaps the child would even be in his lap.

Still, now that you had helped create a bond between them, nothing could stop their progress. Nothing at all.

Dottore still never admitted the change in his feelings to you, but you didn’t need a concrete answer when his actions spoke louder. You lived for the new conversations that now occurred as a result of Zandy, like when he tells you about the time they spent together.

“I’ve heard that you’ve started teaching Zandy more now, Dottore.” (Trying to steal your role as a teacher again, huh?)

“Indeed. We have moved on to quantum physics as well as-” He continued to list off topics you definitely did not study as a child.

“How… enriching, I’m sure.” Perhaps you should start crashing the lessons to make sure he doesn’t overload the poor kid’s brain too much…

Or when you hear about how much they both care for you.

“[Name]?”

“Yes, Dottore?”

“How have you been feeling as of late?” His hands crept up around your neck, brushing his fingers along your collarbones.

“Fine. The same as always,” you responded, which was sort of a truth and lie. You were technically fine, but there had been more days lately that had been a slog to get through with your illness and all. You didn’t want to admit that though. Dottore dragged his fingers along your shoulders in response.

“That’s a lie.” Your face heated up a bit from the proximity.

“That’s not-”

“Zandy,” he began, the name still a bit foreign on his tongue, “told me you’ve barely been sleeping as late. And the tiredness makes it difficult for you to move around. Why didn’t you tell me?” You slumped a bit in your seat at the discovery. You didn’t think the child would know that much less tell Dottore.

“How did he know?”

“He can hear you rustling around in the bed all night,” your husband said flatly as you sighed.

“I’m sorry, love…”

“Next time, I would prefer to hear my spouse’s troubles from their lips rather than someone else. Now come here.”

Or the simpler silly conversations.

“Why did you name him that?” He said one day while lounging on your lap. It was one of those days when it was necessary for him to rant to you about everything and anything.

“Name who what?”

“... Zandy.” Hearing Dottore get used to the name was still amusing to you.

“Why not? There’s a reason why all the segments like their names now, you know. It’s cute, it fits him, he likes it, and it’s way better than what you did,” you teased. Dottore grumbled.

“I still believe there were better options.”

“Yes, yes, says the one who names every experiment with a few letters and numbers. Now continue telling me about Pantalone’s audacity.”

You were happy. Zandy was happy. And you were pretty sure Dottore was happy too. Even through the toughest days, you knew that you had them, and that made things better. You believed nothing in the world would change that or take that away from you.

So when you heard that some of the segments were heading to Sumeru, you weren’t too worried. It was just another mission for them, and although the importance of this one was much higher, you had no doubt the segments would handle it with ease. The lab was emptier than normal, but at least that gave you more time to play with him.

“[Name], why do we go and collect Gnoses?” Zandy was still unaware of quite a few things, as others were unwilling to explain the details of them.

“So that we can fight Celestia,” you hummed as you turned the page of the book. Currently, you two were reading a rather interesting fantasy story, and the two of you had gotten up to the most crucial part - whether the protagonist would choose to further his ambitions or save the one he cherished.

“Why do we need to fight them?”

“Because they’re bad people,” you said as simply as possible.

“When are we going to fight them?”

“I don’t know, but one day we will.”

“Is it going to be scary?”

“Yes, it will. But I will protect you, from now until the end of time, so there’s no need to worry.”

“Okay,” Zandy said, but he still looked a bit sad, naturally. You softly stroked his fluffy hair.

“Don’t dwell on it. You still have lots and lots of happy memories to make,” you soothed him and kissed his forehead. “Nothing bad will happen to you.”

“Thanks, [Name],” he cuddled more into your side as you continued to read the story aloud to him.

The days passed as they always did. Tests. Checkups. The bickering of segments. Dottore popped up here and there, still busy with the Sumeru mission even though he remained at the lab. As always, Zandy remained a constant in your life when everyone else was too busy for you, so you were happy.

It had happened in the middle of a nap when you were shaken awake furiously. When you regained consciousness, you first registered your body being tossed from side to side, and then the blinding light from above. Ugh. What time was it, you wondered, because your mind next processed the desperate voice next to you.

“[Name]! [Name], please, please wake up. Please, he’s going to-” The sheer fright in his voice was enough to jolt you back to reality. You quickly rubbed your eyes and pulled yourself up to face the boy. You wondered what could have happened for Zandy to be this frantic, but the look on his face made your throat close up.

Bright red eyes on the verge of tears, flushed face, quivering lip, and shaking body. A terrible feeling rested in the pit of your stomach as you were speechless for a moment before Zandy grabbed your hands again, begging you to say something.

“Zandy, s-slow down. Start from the beginning. What’s wrong? Who is going to do what?” You placed your hands on his shoulders, pulling him closer in an attempt to calm him. It didn’t seem to do much.

“Omega, Omega’s going to delete me for-”

“What?!” Your voice came out as a shriek. “Tell him no! Tell him I said to stop! I- come with me!” You had already begun to pull him out of bed and out the door, looking like a mess but that wasn’t a worry at all, not right now. Zandy followed you aimlessly, sniffling and sputtering out words.

“B-But not just me, all the other segments are going to be e-erased too! Alpha, Beta, Delta-” You paused, deep fear instilling in your heart as you too began to breathe heavily. Still, you swooped down to Zandy’s height and hugged him, putting on a brave face.

“I won’t let it happen - you’ll be fine. We’ll just go to Prime, and then he’ll-”

“He approved it, though,” Zandy’s voice was tiny as he stared down at his feet as if he too was unwilling to believe he would be betrayed like this. You felt like you were going to be sick, heat rushing to your face, burning you alive.

“What?” Your voice was just as small as the child’s.

“Well, he’s not happy about it, but-” You gritted your teeth.

“I won’t accept it. You will not suffer such a fate, I pro-” You stopped when you heard footsteps approaching.

It was the person you wanted to see the least and most at the same time.

“Dottore,” your voice initially came out exhausted as you forced your shaky legs to stand up again, “Dottore, you best explain yourself right now,” you hissed, the malice now undeniable. “Tell me that this isn’t true.” Dottore opened his mouth to speak, but he seemed to realize that it would not be the answer you desired. The Harbinger’s eyes landed on his child self, who now clung to your leg in fear. Zandy looked at him in a way he hadn’t seen in a long time. Dottore ignored all emotions and focused on his logic.

“It’s neces-”

“Don’t you dare say that!” You interrupted him, hopefully before the child could hear his own creator (or perhaps, father) say he was dispensable. “That’s not true, you know it’s not-” Your words were interrupted by Zandy clutching his head and squeezing your leg deathly tight, the thoughts of the other segments reaching an all-time loud high.

“It’s happening… O-Omega’s going to do it,” the child had broken into full tears as he listened to the others vehemently deny Omega’s decision. He then frantically clawed at your leg, reaching for your hand for some sort of comfort.

“[Name], I don’t want to go! I don’t want to leave you! I don’t want to…” The one in the beginning of his life, the picture of innocence, dared to take one last look at the one in the prime of his life, who he couldn’t recognize anymore. The last word died on his lips. Your heart wrenched and pounded painfully as you looked away to beg Dottore again.

“Dot- Zandik, do something. Please, please stop Omega. I won’t ask for anything else ever again. Y-You can’t take him away from me…! Please!”

And then you felt your hand become empty, and your leg become cold. Bile began to bubble in your throat. You felt like you were going to throw up, wondering if you should dare look back down.

You did anyway.

There was just empty space, Zandy nowhere to be found. Not even his clothes, not a single thing left of him. He had disap- no, he was dead.

Zandy was dead.

Your child was dead.

Your mind was very loud, despite not thinking about anything at all. Your hand twitched, trying to grasp the warmth that was there just a few moments ago. You tried to pretend there was the sensation of him holding you again.

Unfortunately, imagination can’t replicate reality.

You don’t even realize how close Dottore had gotten to you, eyes still frozen on the spot where Zandy just was.

“[Name].” His voice brings you back, but not for a good reason. You blink as you mechanically turn your head to face him. You don’t understand why he isn’t bothered. You don’t understand why he did this. You don’t understand anything. And then your face, which was as still as a statue, suddenly became enveloped in grief and tears. Your husband slightly grimaced at your expression.

“[Name],” he tried again, “I-”

“Don’t you dare speak to me like that, in that tone of voice,” you snapped amidst your continuous tears. “Do you have any idea what you’ve just done to them? To me? To us?” You weren’t sure which you would prefer - that he wasn’t sure about how much this would pain you, or that he did know but went ahead with it anyway. And it wasn’t just you, now that Zandy was gone… he would never be able to make peace with what he was.

“My last words to Zandy were a lie,” you cried. “A lie! I didn’t even tell him that I cared for him, how much I cherished him, how I loved the time I spent with him, how much I loved him!”

“Did any of the time we three spent together mean anything? Did he mean anything to you, Zandik? Or was it just a lie?” You relentlessly spat at him, refusing to let him get in a word. “You just used him and the other segments as bargaining chips. Pawns. They weren’t tools… my child wasn’t expendable, he was a person too,” you sank to the floor, your whole body trembling and immensely fatigued, but your mouth kept moving, wrapped in your incoherent grief. “I thought we could-, no, we were a family… Was I the only one who cared?”

Dottore could only watch as you broke apart in front of him. What could he have said to extinguish your tears? That he didn’t quite want to do this either, but he had to? Regardless of the newly acquired feelings about his segment, nothing… nothing could come in the way of what he had to do.

“Would you do the same to me, Zandik? Would you trade me for a Gnosis, too…?” Dottore stiffened at the question. It was never something he’d thought you’d say, considering how foolish it was. Him? Give you up? No, he would never. Never. He would sooner let all of Teyvat burn but-

“He was just a kid,” you sobbed. “He was just a little boy. How could you? You… you…!” Dottore could feel your sheer rage and sadness easily, his hands wanting to reach out and offer you some sort of comfort.

But he was a monster, and he knew it.

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jkrockin · 1 year ago

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Wait what guy who hadn't read Atlas Shrugged?

I was pretty sure I'd told this story here, but a cursory search suggests that I have not. Okay let's gooooo

Many moons ago, I worked in an emergency services call centre. I worked nights- I could get regular shifts, it paid well, and I am a huge freak, just like everyone else who works nights in a call centre. It is a lifestyle that attracts freaks. Some of my coworkers weren't full-time creatures of the night, but students or whoever who picked up occasional nights for the extra money, and one of them was Libertarian Shithead, who we'll call LS for short.

LS was a twentysomething white dude who wore a lot of name brand surfwear and designer sunglasses. I assume his parents were rich. LS loved nothing better than recreational arguing. Unfortunately, he wasn't very good at it; he had some of the most dogshit opinions I've ever encountered in the wild, and was terrible at defending them. He'd say some crap about how Gattaca-type eugenics is Fine, Actually, because if you let people make designer babies, the ~*Free Market will decide what traits are desirable! Racism and colourism and ableism and sexism and intersexism won't affect those choices at all! And I'd get mad, because I have principles to speak of, and we'd get into it, and WITHOUT FAIL, we'd get maybe halfway into an actual discussion about whatever horseshit garbage he was on tonight, and the second he thought he was losing, he'd say "oh, well. I'm an ~*Objectivist, so you can't really understand my perspective unless you've read Ayn Rand." Then he'd sigh, and change the subject.

At the time I had not read any Ayn Rand. Being fundamentally powered by spite, I withstood maybe three weeks of this shit before I pirated an epub of Atlas Shrugged, put it on my e-reader, and proceeded to slam through it at supersonic speed so I could finally get to finish an argument with this terrible boy.

Anon, I fucking hated Atlas Shrugged. The book is bad. It's way too long, every single character is an unbelievable douche, the prose sucks. Ayn Rand wants to fuck a train so so so badly, but the prose is so turgid I couldn't even get invested in how much she wants to fuck a train. And the core of the matter, the politics I was there to understand, are, y'know. Objectivist. Eye-bleedingly selfish and capitalistic, expressed in amazingly childish and blinkered terms. Even the bits where it seems like the shithead capitalist dudes want to fuck each other are too mired in the scunge of Rand's terrible views to be enjoyable.

But I read the fucking thing! I powered through it with only quite minimal complaining! I finished the book on the train to work, and when I saw that LS was on that night, I plonked myself in a seat by him, and metaphorically cracked my knuckles, ready to fuckin' party. In a perfect world, I would have been cool enough to have waited for the perfect mid-argument moment to drop, but I didn't. I think I lasted exactly until we were both off a call at the same time, and then leaned in as close as the desk dividers would let me, and said "So I finished Atlas Shrugged. I have some thoughts."

I cannot overstate how quickly it became obvious that LS had not read the book. For a hot second I thought maybe it had just been a while and the fine details had escaped him, but no; he didn't know who half the characters were, or key points of the plot, or even know any of the stuff in the John Galt speech, i.e. the big juggernaut of Here's How Objectivism Works near the end of the book about Objectivism that this fucking guy hypothetically based his Objectivist views on. It took me maybe five minutes, in between calls, to realise this, and another five for him to admit he hadn't actually read any Ayn Rand. He'd read her Wikipedia page.

ANYWAY I didn't speak to him for like a month after that, and I don't think either of us lost out there!

#at the time I was very angry #but in hindsight I think it was very funny #storytime #ask me ask me ask me #anonymice

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studentinpursuitofclouds · 1 year ago

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(Different anon from the one who asked the previous ask)

Expanding on the "finding the scary farmer passed out in a pond" prompt, how would the SVE bachelor/bachelorettes react to that? Plus Marlon if you want, because even though he's not a marriage candidate, I still love him a lot-

Hey hey 👋

I've... already done quite a few reblogs, so the post got lost 😅 (If anyone doesn't know for the first part, you can find it here). Thanks for the question, dear anon, and enjoy! 🫰

SVE bachelors/ettes + Marlon:

_________________________________________

Lance knows they may both be busy with work and adventurer duties, but Farmer said they'd be home today. They aren't. Finding his spouse wasn't difficult for Lance, but his heart trembled a little when he saw the state in which he caught sight of his beloved Farmer. Fortunately, the sudden awakening and outburst of aggression Lance was able to easily stop, but even though he seemed calm on the outside, inside his heart was pounding with worry. The most important thing now was to get them from this strange pond to their home, to heal their wounds.

Magnus is already checking the whole forest looking for Farmer, because they always came home on time from the forest. Today it didn't happen, and his clairvoyance skills don't show the location of his missing spouse anywhere. Fortunately, he can always ask the spirits, and they showed him the way to the pond, where he found them lying wet and unconscious, in mud and... blood?! Even though they were wounded, even though they had attacked Magnus - the main thing was that they were alive, so with a snap of his fingers the Wizard delivered himself and the Farmer to his tower. He would help them, and if someone or something had done this to Farmer, then let them start praying to Yoba...

Poor Victor asked all the inhabitants, but no one had seen Farmer all day. Concerned about the fate of his missing spouse, he called all the volunteers to start a search. When the search moved from Pelican Town to the woods, Victor came across them about twenty minutes later. Yoba, what happened! Why are they lying on the ground near the pond, wet and dirty? Before Victor could check on their condition, he had to jump back so his own spouse wouldn't hurt him. The poor man is frightened, and still, he take the Farmer in his arms and call loudly for help so that the other people would find him by his voice.

Sophia has a bad feeling about this. The farmer should have been back at her house a long time ago. She shouldn't be worried at all, but it's a bad feeling, just like when her parents... The girl decided to turn to Gus after all, he had gathered some people to search. Sophia, despite Gus's entreaties to stay, went along with the group. And she was the first to find the Farmer near the pond, and it was her heartbreaking scream that rang through the forest when the farmer suddenly lunged at her. Luckily the girl was unhurt, but she couldn't stop crying as something bad had happened to her favourite person...

In addition to the locals, Olivia wanted to call in a search party outside the Valley. Some might say the woman was overly worried, but she had every reason to be. The Farmer wasn't answering thier phone, the locals hadn't seen them, the time was already midnight, and that scared her. Finding them scared her more. Olivia, despite people urging her to remain calm, immediately ran over to her unconscious spouse lying there, and immediately fell over herself in surprise as they got up and pounced on her. The farmer fell senseless again, as did Olivia herself, shocked and horrified. But at least they were alive.

Claire didn't know the Valley well, as she had only recently moved in with her spouse, but her anxiety made her go in search of them. Farmer had promised to come, but they had not returned, and her heart was still pounding frantically. And that pounding became even stronger, ringing in her ears, when she found them. In a shallow pond that looked more like a puddle. They were lying there, covered in mud and something red (not the blood, please...), not moving. And then they got up abruptly - and ran towards the girl, who couldn't even make a sound out of horror. But they fell right at her feet, and Claire felt like she was going to faint as well. But she had to gather her strength and call for help.

It was not the first time the old one-eyed adventurer had found the Farmer lying face down in the mud, but this time was different.... Never had they been so far away from a human settlement, unconscious beside a shallow pond in which you could still drown if you weren't careful. And their sudden attack on Marlon almost made him pull his sword out of its sheath. Something's not right here, Marlon's gut tells him.... So this time he takes them not to the local doctor, but to Rasmodius. Marlon hopes that the old wizard/his colleague will help the young Farmer, whatever happens to them.

#thanks for the ask!#sve #stardew valley expanded #sve lance #sve magnus #sdv wizard #sdv rasmodius #sve victor #sve olivia #sve claire #sve sophia #sdv marlon #sve headcanon

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is-the-owl-video-cute · 1 year ago

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I saw another person comment and they're right, this blog (the dino bird one) is notorious for bad takes and attacking anyone who isn't fully aware of every very specific bird fact or dinosaur fact. They compared a scientist on here who made a mistake about tuataras to a right ringer young earth creationist, they sat and attacked another user for calling out how problematic they are then only apologized when they got anon hate for it (they claimed that wasn't why they apologized but it seemed that way since they never said sorry to any of the other people they've lost their shit at) so yeah good luck w them, their latest bird takes and comparing people being against owning wild birds to racism is wild, but considering they compared people who enjoy jurassic park dinosaurs to parents that are anti Vax, that's the lesser of their insane analogies thus far. They also called various people that were not climate deiners, climate deiners for..you guessed it. Not being aware birds are dinosaurs.

This sort of thing is why I distance myself from a lot of the paleontology community. I feel like there’s a weirdly high number of people who are very conceited and weirdly defensive if your interpretation of animals that haven’t existed for over 65 million years is different than theirs and they also get weirdly angry if you like the designs of dinosaurs imagined from older models and treat it as a personal insult for whatever reason.

So folks I’ll say it here: if you think dilophosaurus looks cool spitting venom and having a huge frill and want to draw that, that’s okay! If you think featherless velociraptors are fun to look at and like to collect figures that aren’t accurate to the current science, that’s okay! You aren’t hurting anyone by liking Jurassic Park dinosaurs. You aren’t even hurting anyone by liking fake dinosaurs in Jurassic world! A lot of what we know about dinosaurs is speculative because for so many species the only fossils we’ve found are like a piece of a claw or a tail bone. Yes scientists are discovering new things at a rapid rate and that’s exciting, but claiming people enjoying now debunked theories on what dinosaurs were like are doing as much harm as antivax is just unhinged. Making an oviraptor character that eats eggs because you think that’s fun isn’t going to reintroduce measles to anyone.

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rosie-kairi · 1 year ago

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Hey sad au anon here, I have come once again bearing sad ideas but this time it's about Ventus and Roxas may or may not have been inspired by some of your recent asks. And I am not a writer so if anyone wants to take this and write something please do so I may lurk and read the fic. Enjoy the sad times.

So to start off Roxas is suddenly born, he joins the organization and starts doing missions. He befriends Axel and they have ice cream life is routine yadda yadda everything is the same as usual. But Roxas can't help but wonder where he came from, all the other members were Somebodies once but he's "different" they tell him he's a kid named Sora but that can't be right he's Roxas he doesn't even look like Sora!

Then he starts getting weird dreams, it's not super clear but he mostly finds himself in two places one seems like a bright quaint little town and the second some sort of castle and there's people that he doesn't recognize. The first place has 4 kids he doesn't recognize and the second has 2 older people and an older man he also doesn't recognize. But everytime Roxas wakes up and tries to write down the details of said dream he suddenly can't recall any details frustrating him. This goes on for some time until finally something happens.

While dreaming Roxas finds his dream self walking about but he can't see where exactly he is it's just dark when he passes by a mirror and upon looking in it he wakes up but this time he remembers. Roxas saw his own reflection but it was different, he was smaller, his hair was shorter and he looked younger. Roxas realizes these aren't random dreams they're memories! They must be his when he was a Somebody, childhood is what it's called right? He's so excited he runs to Axel to excitedly tell him the news. Only to be crushed when Axel doesn't share his enthusiasm and casts doubt on the memories being his.

The other members aren't much better they all say must be Sora's memories and you just put yourself in his place. But Roxas knows it's not true and refuses to believe it.

His memories start to become much clearer he can now make out specific details of the random people in his past. There's a boy with silver hair and a red scarf, a girl with long black hair, a boy with a hat and fancy coat, and a boy with pink hair? It doesn't take long for Roxas to realize that last boy is Marluxia and he even sees Larexene show up. Did he know them in the past? Why haven't they said anything? Unless they both also forgot their shared past but still it can't be a coincidence that Roxas ends up here with these two.

More memories come to him now during the day and he sees there's a young man with brown hair and a young woman in blue, the old man is oddly comforting in a way Roxas isn't used to. But then he sees a young Axel and Saix? And are those the other members? Now Roxas is really confused, how can they all share a past but not remember each other?

While Roxas is happy to regain some memories he's noticed they're rather, sparse and there's a lot of gaps and when he tries to fill them in he experiences horrible pain. Roxas tries to remember his parents and childhood home, thats something normal kids have right? But when he tries his chest hurts and he's fighting back tears and has to stop. So he tries to remember more of his early childhood but has to stop when his head starts hurting too much. So Roxas tries to remember the time he was the age in the mirror and he immediately has to stop, he falls to the ground his head feels like it's about to split open his chest is on fire he can hardly catch his breath. Roxas has dubbed these blank spaces that cause physical pain the bad memories. So the only clear memories Roxas can start with is being in a weird desert and meeting these 4 kids. His time with them is happy from what he can remember but then they suddenly just stop. The next memories he can actually reflect on are of him closer to his current age a teen which he calls the good memories and those memories are also far and few. And whenever someone tries to talk to him Roxas can't quite make out the words and if someone says his name he can't hear them at all.

It bothers Roxas that he has so few memories of his old friends but when he tries to remember anything to fill the gaps he collapses and feels agonizing pain. What does it say that most of Roxas' childhood is blank bad memories and his good memories are scattered with big gaps and include different groups of people? Wanting some answers Roxas tries to ask subtle questions to the other members like hey Marluxoa plant any good flowers? Larexene ever though of wearing blue? Axel think you could pull off short hair? But no one knows what he asking and brush him off.

Getting frustrated Roxas decides to seek out answers he wants to know what his life was like as a Somebody and what happened to lead him here. He meets Namine she tells him they share a connection and can help Roxas get the answers he seeks. When she tries to look through the memories Roxas clutches his head and wails in pain so that won't work. Namine has to put Roxas in a temporary sleep to look through the memories but not interact or change them. When Roxas wakes up Namine warns him that he's not going to like what she found. Undaunted Roxas insists that he deserves to know.

So Namine goes on to explain that the memories Roxas is experiencing are not his own but they're not Sora's either. Roxas is naturally confused and argues that can't be right I saw myself as a little kid Nobody's don't age that has to be him! Namine agrees with Roxas but tells him again that they're not his or Sora's memories but a third person the boy he saw in his dream. Namine then explains how she and Roxas came to be, Sora was shielding two hearts in his own Kairi and the other boy. In order to wake her up Sora willingly gave up his heart freeing Kairi's but since she can't become a heartless Namine was born using Sora's body man is that weird and Roxas was born when Sora's heart left his body alongside the third heart. It was that heart that ended up in Roxas. It's why he has these memories, it's why he has feelings, it's why he can use the keyblade both Sora and the boy were keyblade wielders, and that's why he looks like the other boy. Kairi's light restored Sora and his heart like 10 minutes after he sacrificed himself which is why Roxas is a separate entity as a Nobody instead of resembling his Somebody. The third heart had no where to go so it ended up in Roxas.

Basically everything Roxas thought he knew about himself was a lie, his life, his existence, even his own face are all borrowed from someone else. And the reason he couldn't see too many memories? Namine thinks that it's the hearts defense mechanism, those memories are too traumatic and painful to bear so it sends physical pain to stop it.

Roxas was confused then felt dread and now it's full on anger. If what Namine said is true then was everything a lie? Why is he even in the organization? Is it because he looks like the kid? Is that why Axel is friends with him? He really wants the other boy and Roxas is a substitute? When the other members look at him do they see him or the other boy? Does that mean he's both their Nobody? What's so special about the kid or Sora why does everyone seem to want them?

Diz shows up not long after and tells Roxas he needs to go back to Sora and give and allow the other boys heart to find refuge with Sora again but this just makes Roxas more angry he asserts his identity as his own, that he's his own person but is stalled when Diz says everything he feels is from a heart that isn't his but borrowed and badly damaged at that. Roxas then goes from resenting the boy to feeling bad, if it's true and that wasn't his life then the other kid had a really hard life. Most of his memories are the bad memories where he felt afraid and alone why is that? How did he get so hurt entire years of his life are wiped clean? Why does he have so many connections to the organization members?

Diz doesn't know much other than the boy is in danger and only Sora can truly protect him. The right thing to do would be for Roxas to give up his individuality but his will to live on is too strong to fight. What should he do? Is it really fair for Roxas to be the one to give up everything? He likes his life, he likes having ice cream with his best friend, he even likes the routine missions. But is it really fair to make Sora and the other boy remain incomplete? Holding onto their memories and heart like this? If the organization wants them both they could be in danger.

What should Roxas do? Well he doesn't get the chance to decide since Riku and Ansem drop him in fake Twilight Town but just to twist the knife Ansem includes some memories from Ven's heart just to really pain the picture for Roxas that anything he experienced or felt was fake and all lies. As if his identity issues weren't bad enough where does the original person start and the copy end?

TL;DR what if Roxas thought he was Ventus and was excited to regain insight into his old life only to have his dreams shatter by being told he's not a real person but a copy not once but twice to two different boys. And the boy whose life he thought he lived apparently had a painful harsh life and now he has this moral dilemma of does he give Sora and the kid their life back or does he keep the autonamy he's fought so hard for?

I don't have much to add to this other than AUGHGAGGAGA (sobbing and crying) but good job anon you've done it again. Constantly raising the bar for yourself <- in pain

#ask rosie a question!#anon ask #kingdom hearts #kingdom hearts union x #khux #kh roxas #kh ventus #ventus #Roxas

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raven-at-the-writing-desk · 2 years ago

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Made it through chapter 4 and talked about it with my mom. And hoo boy is there a lot to unpack 🤣

First of all, she got really mad at Crowley for leaving us at school and going on a vacation. (She legit was ready to punch Crowley when he refused our call). She did find the send off cute though but felt really bad for Riddle. She hopes that he'll become his own person and not his mother's puppet.

Then there's how she feels about the Scarabia duo. She ADORES Kalim, and calls him "that little sunshine" and thinks his Unique Magic is cool. She legit CRIED when Kalim cried omg 😂.

As for Jamil. She didn't really like him at first. At first. Though she thought he was handsome and charismatic. But after his true motivations were revealed, she absolutely hates him 😂. She literally dissed Jamil when we were pretending to praise him, calling him "Medusa and Jafar's love child". BUT when she saw his backstory, she did feel empathy but not sympathy towards him. In her own words, "While I understand where he's coming from, as being told to hold back your true skills is both frustrating and will make you envious and jealous of others' freedom, to pin it all on one person (Kalim) isn't the best or healthiest option."

She says that there are multiple people who deserve blame. His parents because they told him not to be better than Kalim. "They basically are the ones who started the fire of hate in his heart." She says. The whole class system, for obvious reasons. But the one person who deserves the most blame is Crowley for accepting a bribe from Kalim's parents and making Kalim housewarden with a bullshit excuse. All of them were really unfair towards Jamil and pretty much said the same thing "You're a smart boy, you understand right?" That line alone is enough to piss Jamil, and anyone really, off. She does praise Jamil for showing his true colors and vowing never to hold back in the end. In conclusion, my mom is kinda accepting of Jamil. For now.

She also found the Octavinelle trio hilarious but threatened to turn them into sushi when they told us to pay for the damages at Monstro Lounge and when Azul tried to get Kalim in a contract. She also expressed surprise at the Tweels and Azul's relationship.

During the end of the chapter, she actually deadpanned and said "who's this condescending Queen Bee" when she saw Vil.

Overall, she thought that Chapter 4 was the best chapter in her opinion.

Now I'm waiting for how she feels about Vil in chapter 5 cause it seems like she despises him more than she did Jamil. 😂

[I think this is the same Anon from this post and this post!]

chksbskwbzks It’s been pretty interesting hearing these hot takes from your mom 😂 (I guess because this isn’t a perspective I hear from very often?)

I’m split on Crowley leaving for vacation and not answering his phone when Yuu tries to contact him. Yeah, it’s irresponsible for him to act like this, but I think we’re more offended by it knowing that Crowley is, in general, this level of incompetent (especially when we REALLY need him to come through for us in this very moment). Keep in mind that this is winter break, and teachers/staff usually also have this period off for the holidays themselves, so it’s normal to receive no responses or delayed responses during this time, no? I don’t think anyone really expected a super serious incident like this to unfold while they’re away as well.

The sendoff was really cute! 😭 It was nice briefly catching up with the characters we met in previous episodes!! I only wish we got to hear about the aftermath of the conversation that Riddle said he was going to have with his mother… I doubt that all of their issues went away with a single talk, but 🥲 just confronting her about the past is a good start. Maybe Riddle will have the chance to explore other career options for his fourth year internship (instead of concentrating on magic medicine like his mother wants him to). He could tackle law for one semester, then dabble in other areas for the remaining two internship periods.

xbsjwbksnwkw Why does your mom sound like such a cinnamon roll?? We could always use more Kalim appreciators 🥺

I think a lot of us have pretty complicated feelings surrounding Jamil 😂 Having empathy for the character rather than sympathy (the latter of which I think Jamil may actually take offense to, as this would be “pitying” his situation without truly understanding why it’s so awful for him) is similar to my own thoughts on the matter. It can feel so bad constantly being put down and having to hold yourself back from reaching what you know is your full potential, but it also wasn’t right for Jamil to blame it all on one person. However, it was the easiest thing for his young mind to do to cope with his circumstances, as Kalim embodies a lot of the issues Jamil has and is “soft” enough to be a convenient sponge for Jamil’s anger.

… Okay, but Jamil’s OB looks pretty ugly. I’ll give you that much 😂 It pretty much is a mishmash of Medusa and Jafar—

Mmm, Jamil’s trauma is unique in that it’s something deeply systemic and difficult to dismantle. It was definitely his parents who planted the ideas in him, but it was society that perpetuated it and kept Jamil down rather than encouraging him or recognizing his abilities. Crowley plays into this too, and I think his words are the ones that claimed Jamil’s last straw and set him plotting to overthrow Kalim. I really like that TWST didn’t neatly resolve Jamil’s issues at the end of the episode, but rather introduced it (and the start of his character growth) as Jamil deciding to live in his own way.

A lot of people tend to misunderstand Jamil’s issues with Kalim on an individual level rather than a societal one, and it sometimes leads to talking down the seriousness the Viper family’s circumstances 💦 I can’t count the number of times I’ve seen “Jamil should have told Kalim about his frustrations; Kalim is kind and would understand, he would set Jamil free” without the fans recognizing the consequences of it. (Ironically, this is also something Kalim does in 4; he tried relinquishing his dorm leader seat and even offers to leave school to appease Jamil, but the offers are all refused.) Jamil has to consider his family and how his liberation would affect them and ultimately their legacy and livelihood (which Jamil brings up in episode 4 when expositing his motivations); it’s akin to generational trauma because it can’t be resolved overnight. It requires difficult conversations, acknowledging wrongs, and working as a widespread collective to fix it. The blame is not solely on Jamil not communicating; it’s also in part on the society and the systems in which he and his family operate.

… I mean, regardless of the reason for it, it was still legitimate damage to the lounge so I think (even if it was scummy to do), Octavinelle had every right to demand compensation. Otherwise, he’d be eating up the costs for that significant damage, and that’s not smart for a money grubber reputable business owner like Azul to do. And hey, what’s an octopus to do when he runs jnto Mr. Moneybags Kalim? He’s got to take advantage of opportunities and potential suckers customers while he can!

Azul and the twins’ relationship is so complex, man 🤡 I could honestly talk forever about it if given the chance bisvsjwnzksiwjd (but instead, I’ll link this post to get the basics of my thoughts out—)

I find it so funny (?) when people call Vil a “Queen Bee” type because while he definitely comes off as one at first, I found that (in the long run), I see Octavinelle as acting more like the stereotypical high school Mean Girls than Vil does 😂 Like, Vil certainly gives off a strong first impression (and not a very positive one), but I do think he ultimately has a stronger moral compass than most of the OB boys we’ve seen so far.

(Note: If you play EN, it has cut out content from parts of episode 5 😣 so I’d recommend looking up “Minna de Yahoo” and the deleted ending scene to get the full episode 5 experience!)

Anyway!! Episode 4 was also my favorite for a long time, the writing was pretty solid and I loved all the character interactions 😌 but then episode 6 happened and that one became my favorite—

#Scarabia #Octavinelle #Floyd Leech #Azul Ashengrotto #Tweels #Jade Leech #Jamil Viper #Kalim Al-Asim #spoilers #notes from the writing raven #Dire Crowley #Yuu #Riddle Rosehearts #Jafar #Vil Schoenheit

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my-shields-are-down · 2 years ago

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Thoughts on 5.10 and Chenford moving forward?

Anon Y Mous is in the house! Party People! Whoop whoop!

I’ve been listening to my 1980s and 1990s mix tapes all day today - because 10 has put me in the best mood and I can’t stop smiling and being emotional. So I listen to the music that makes me feel that way and remember the summer I dated my best friend.

He’s now married with two kids - and that summer, my last summer in DC was magical- in large part because of him, and us. I am so grateful that I had that experience, that we got to have our own bubble. 5x10 brought back my memories of that summer and brought me a lot of joy.

====

I really loved this episode. Was it perfect? No, but I’ll address this in a minute.

First, I was really surprised that they were getting together so soon in the season, I honestly didn’t expect that to happen until the end of the season. So I was giddy like stupid, can’t think straight, over excited like I was going on my first date. I was blushing in anticipation. I had bad-Tim Bradford brain - I couldn’t do math or tell time. But I loved that too, feeling that way again, for me anyway, was such a gift and a reminder that love is always possible and everything will work out like it’s supposed to. A perfect way to start a new year!

The montage of them getting dressed was fantastic and perfect. Tim with all his button downs of various colors still on the store hangers looking great in all of the dark colors (wear the navy!) and Lucy with all of her dresses. So many dresses. And then Tim calling Lucy to find out what she was going to wear, Because she calms him down and she teases him? I love that flirty banter.

And then not 5 minutes later, in completely new outfits in a gorgeous restaurant (I think it’s in Silver Lake), they have nothing to say to each other. They are gorgeous and awkward and nerves are flying every which way. I was happy to hear Tim is eating bread again.

Watching Tim is my favorite thing, he’s this tall, attractive man, who exudes confidence as a cop- like he’s a force, he has presence, but sitting there next to Lucy in this moment that he has wanted for so long, and his shoulders are pulled in, he can’t look at her other than those sideways glances checking her out…and you know in his mind he’s berating himself for blowing it for not talking about anything and the woman he cannot stop thinking about is right there…. So he makes himself smaller next to her.. I think he still doubts that she’s as into this as he is. He’s afraid she’s going to change her mind and leave like every other woman (minus Angela) has done.

And then Lucy in that dress - looking like a dream - she is gorgeous, stunning, super sexy in that dress sitting there desperately trying to break the ice starts shimmying her shoulders back and forth which makes the necklace in her cleavage sparkle? I was so excited to see bold, confident and very sexy Lucy on that date. Like we’ve seen her desperate for praise because she never got any from her parents. That version of Lucy was not on this date. This confident Lucy took charge of the situation, put Tim at ease by teasing him, then spoke up for herself and clearly stated how she wanted this to go - slowly which is not the version of Lucy we saw in 5x1 or really any time previously.

I was really struck by the dichotomy of Lucy wearing this seriously sexy, come fuck me dress while telling Tim that she wanted to go slow, to build their relationship up and savor these moments of creating intimacy, and falling in love, and romancing each other, respecting the friendship foundation and savoring all of these last “first” moments with him. She doesn’t want to miss a moment of this new chapter with him. Doesn’t want to skip a step, wants to do all of that with Tim. I loved seeing Tim, at first worried then melting into this moment she’s creating, this vision she has of their future … this isn’t a one and done date. She’s got the future in her mind, more dates, more time with him, more intimacy and yes more naked time.

I think for Lucy, being loved by Tim will fill in and fix all those foundational cracks created by her parents. I am so excited for Lucy to be confident in herself.

She’s already thriving in her work. Let’s just take a moment to realize how big of a deal it is that the Patrol Watch Commander trusted a P2 officer to hold down the fort over all of the higher raking officers on his team. He chose LUCY to reign in Smitty, ha! Nolan, Jan and all those background cops are likely higher ranks than her. And they all fell in line under HER command. Amazing. She did it beautifully, sure it stressed her out, but she impressed everyone.

I think for Tim, being loved and cared for by Lucy will bring him confidence and a sense of calm that he hasn’t had since before the Army. That he’s not just defined by work, that there are things that are more important. And that he deserves them for just being him, flaws and all.

I loved that Lucy was laughing when the cops showed up at the restaurant

I thought the whole Aaron and Celina thing was hilarious- especially the conversations with Nolan who was a total hypocrite lecturing Celina about romance during her training period. I really loved how the show had all the other characters bring up and talk about consent, and power dynamics, and privacy, and perception.

I was really impressed by all the subtle almost subconscious messages coming through that scene with Nolan, Celina and Aaron. One one hand, you’ve got old school vs new school. Nolan personifies old school cops - older, white, male, kinda clueless on some cultural shifts, while Aaron + Celina represent new school cops- younger, people of color, both of whom have been affected by violence and in a way betrayed by the system that was supposed to protect them . Aaron and Celina respectfully but stridently tell Nolan to get with the times because a) they don’t look like him; b) the world they grew up in is vastly different; c) both of them were victims of horrific violence, etc so the rules created to manage and govern Nolan don’t necessarily work in governing and managing them. So thank you for the condescending advice old man, but based on what we know we will choose who we date without any input or interference from you. Just brilliant! My inner sociologist loved that whole scene.

I really hope they bring back Percy - we are long overdue for a Jackson memory moment that Lucy and Percy could share.

I was let down by the car dangling over the edge of the parking garage. I was yelling “don’t go in there! Turn around!” at my tv. Lots of potential for Lucy/Tim don’t die on me moments - but the episode was so full of other stuff I can see why nothing else happened.

We must do everything in our power to save and protect Aaron. I love that he’s become the comic foil for Tim. I love their relationship. The writers are having so much fun with his comments - speaking for the audience. And Tru’s delivery is spot on.

Lucy and Tim in the principals office. LOL

And finally the date redo. I loved that it was more casual dining by a group of food trucks - away from the station. I loved that they were interrupted by crime again - like dude! Really? I especially loved that after all the failed date and color commentary by everyone that Tim chose NOT to intervene, to show Lucy that yes, the job is important, but so are you. And every chance where I can choose you, I am going to. And Lucy for her part, was so into Tim she didn’t even notice the car guy until Tim said something. So she was telling Tim, you have my attention and focus. You are still my most important relationship. Her grandkids comment - teasing, yet sent major signals to Tim that she’s in this for the long haul. He’s not alone in considering forever for them. Can you imagine Rachel or Voldie saying something like that to him? No. Their relationships weren’t like that. But Lucy knows he’s heartbroken that he doesn’t yet have his own family and he’s worth the effort to her, so she’ll help him get that.

Yes the seating for the kiss was awkward and yes, the lighting was behind Tim’s head so Lucy was in shadows, but frankly so what? THEY KISSED. Tim initiated the kiss. Slow and sweet and that second one was deeper and held promise. I loved that the shot ended with them lingering in the moment with their foreheads touching- which, in case you didn’t know (I looked it up) - is an ancient greeting that honors the heart and soul of another human being. I mean, how perfect is that?!

Two thumbs up! I enjoyed it.

=====

Moving forward. Here are my thoughts- do with them what you will.

I believe they will be found out before they go to Grey. It’ll be messy and angsty. Percy will come back because Grey asks him to handle it.

Tim will leave patrol and step out of Lucy’s chain of command. He may or may not keep the coming promotion to Sergeant2. - ✅

Lucy at some point might pull a Chandler and freak out about how serious her relationship is with Tim and go to Nolan 🤮 for guidance.

Chris comes back for something unrelated and sees Tim and Lucy kissing and wreaks an episode or two of havoc- angsty because Lucy feels guilty about the break up.

Rosalind or an acolyte comes circling back. She was too big of a part of the first episode for her story to be done. Now whether they come after Nolan/Bailey or Tim/Lucy or both couples? Too soon to tell.

The dangling shop was foreshadowing Aaron and Tim being in graver danger- but instead of Aaron getting out first, he doesn’t (or can’t)- potential cliff hanger for season finale (pun intended)

Lucy will be offered a dangerous but short UC op that goes awry putting her in mortal danger.

She will also by end of season be given two possible career options - I think either detective/UC or sergeant. I hope she goes the Sergeant route. She already knows all the study material. Tapped to take both tests and gets her results early in season 6 which is all but guaranteed at this point I think - angsty for both. Tim will want to protect her and she’ll feel pressure to choose because of him vs what she really wants. Hopefully by then, we have some insight into what that is. (Previous bullet definitely would play into decision)

There will be naked time, and I love yous and depending on the wackadoodle Rookie timeline a Valentine’s Day romance focused episode for our major characters and a possible proposal at the end of the season. With an answer to be given at the start of the next season.

Angela teases Tim mercilessly about Lucy

Bailey bails on Nolan, who starts dating Genny- much to Tim’s dismay (this is how/when Tim finds out about Lucy + Nolan) and a love triangle ensues.

No pregnancy scares, no Ashley or Isobel returning. We have enough angst devices to last well beyond the next 10-12 episodes that we don’t need to bring them back.

I really want a new character cop to be introduced who is Rosalind’s acolyte or partner who has a seasonal arc like Armstrong, looks good but is secretly evil.

I am sitting on cloud 9 listening to my mixed tapes celebrating all the joy and happiness we’ve got going on right now.

#askandrea #andrea writes #all of my thoughts #do with them what you will #Chenford #tim bradford #lucy chen #the rookie #tim x lucy #i love a good visual metaphor #things that are awesome #I’m excited for what’s next #bring it on #i love this so much #i love them

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causenessus · 4 months ago

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hi my dearest loveliness !! good evening afternoon OR morning I HOPE YOUR DAY IS GOING WELL TODAY!! AND I HOPE YOUVE EATEN!! i literally just woke up (it’s 3pm…. my parents literally watched me come out of my room and were like ???)(you just woke up???)LMFAO BUT BUT i’m back to work tomorrow so i wanted to sleep in a lot today(I HAVE A 9-5:30 RIGHT OFF THE BAT)(MY WORK HATES ME??)but omg i just saw the ask from sav(sorry am i allowed to call her that too)(IM SORRY IDK) and i was like AWWWW “you and your mango anon” I AM NESS’ MANGO ANON idk why i thought it was so cute and sweet like YOU GIGGLE AND READ THEM?? THATS SO CUTE?? IM GONNA EXPLODE?? but let’s all yap together this is yap central(a safe place for yappers)

omg last night i got so many notifs if you answering every ask bat to bat and I FELT SO BAD BECAUSE I WROTE A LOT YESTERDAY BUT YOU STILL ANSWERED EACH ASK WITH LIKE SO SO MUCH PASSION??(idk if that’s the right word) but you always answer each ask with ur heart like non of it is halfassed(sorry am i allowed to swear)(IVE BEEN REFRAINING FROM SWEARING BECAUSE IDK I DONT THINK IVE SEEN YOU SWEAR OUTSIDE YOUR SMAUS???)(or idk i’m crazy i think i’m crazy)

I WOULD SHARE WHAT CONCERT IT WAS LIKE I WAS GOING TO but i was like omg i’m gonna dox myself LOL BUT actually you know what’s so funny i don’t even live in the states(LORE DROP) ALSO DECLAN MCKENNA?? THATS SO COOL THAT YOU GOT TO SEE HIM i think he’s on tour again right now?? or just performing right now (I THINK) im pretty sure i saw on ticketmaster! i would 100% go but literally my bank account is decreasing a little too much for my liking and it’s time to lock in and go ultra saving mode LOL BUT OMG MITSKI??? stop it if i was rich i would 100% fly over to your state and buy tickets for you and me and we could go together and have our losing dogs moment(on repeat by eggy always in my heart)(literally one of my fav smaus LOL)

ness i will read every single part of your response LITERALLY I WILL READ AND ABSORB EVERY PART SO do not worry your pretty little head(as i said this i imagined myself tapping your head with a pretty little fairy stick)BUT OMG ME AND YOU WORKING AT ILLEGAL AGES(actually actually hold on)okay because i started working my retail job when i was 15 but i was like a week away from turning 16 but they accepted me anyways? idk it’s kind of silly but i remember saying i was 15 but turning 16 in a “few days” (i think it was a week and a bit) and they were like mmmm okay! here’s your training days blah blah blah LOL listen i really wanted a job… i always felt bad asking my parents for money so i was like you know what ILL get my own money(here i am 2-3 years later still trapped in retail)also i totally get the hostess thing because my friend works at olive garden as a hostess and like it SOUNDS SO STRESSFUL? because like… you’re kinda in control of how much tips a person gets? (if that makes sense) and it just feels ITS TOO STRESSFUL FOR ME TO FANTOM LIKE i cant i feel like im too much of a people pleaser where id just be like oh! oh you don’t want this table? okay! oh i have you too many tables? i’m sorry! my bad! let me do it! ALSO IDK i hate fixed schedules like i like the random rotation every week LOL like it’s kinda a surprise!! like omg what days am i working today type of thing you know! BUT OMG THEM KEEPING YOU ON STANDBY IS CRAZY AFTER YOU QUIT LOL they love you so much they want to keep you <3 i can’t blame them <3 ness is a very lovable person <3 but restaurant environments are different from retail idk how you do it like I APPAUD YOU AND EVERY OTHER RESTAURANT WORKER because like dealing with hangry people everyday like… i already deal with impatient customers which make me wanna pull my hair like i remember one time during this rush we had everyone on cash like everyone on the tills right and this guy came up to my till and he’s like “yall need more workers” LIKE CANT YOU SEE EVERYONE ON THE TILLS RIGHT NOW??WE ARE TRYING OUR BEST !! and i was deadass like “haha sorry….. would you like a bag for 50 cents?”

ALSO YOURE SO BUSY WHAT?? your schedule is so jacked up HOW DO YOU DO IT??? like literally uni + job AND THEATRE??? and also the fact that you have more than one job?? PLS PLS PLS EAT AND TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF LOVE YOURE GONNA BURN OUT </3

omg if i worked lights with you it would’ve been so so so much better like i’m not discrediting the light people i worked with BUT it was the fact that they were a year younger right so they didn’t really know what they were doing since all our light crew graduated and for some reason people didn’t like doing lights as much? so they were just first years doing lights and i had to help out a bunch and kind of guide them BCUZ IDK WHY MY TECH TEACHER DIDNT DO IT RIGHT so i had to focus on sound PLUS helping the lights people which i don’t really mind too much when we’re just having rehearsals but like during shows i was a little more stressed because they weren’t that confident and was always asking just to make sure and it was 100% not their fault of course but I WAS STILL STRESSED and doing my hardest to help him while trying to also keep track of where the play was(sorry very messy)(i too am like you and i do NOT proof read these whatsoever) IF I COULD I WOULD DROP EVERYTHING AND FLY THERE !! we could be the light + sound duo because i literally miss my tech days like i lowkey thought about doing it in uni but IDK WHY I DIDNT !! I SHOULDVE !! also another suna smau would heal me (LMFAO NO PRESSURE) BUT I LITERALLY LOVE ALL OF INARIZAKI?? like they all have my heart(especially kita and osamu like oh my god)BUT OH MY GOD IF YOU DO I THINK ILL CRY LIKE “OMG THATS ME GUYS” “I AM MANGO ANON !!!” BUT you have sooooo much stuff lined up so DO NOT WORRY TOO MUCH!! what you’ve been giving right now (TRY AGAIN AND TONICS <333) is already so good like the idea and concepts AND IM SO EXCITED FOR THEM TOO AHH

THE CAST NOT BEINF ABLE TO PROJECT THEIR VOICES ARE SO REAL !!! maybe i’m just saying this because i only did plays in high school right so it was a bunch of kids right but it was soooo frustrating because like SPEAK UP but also the fact that some cast got better mics than others? like tell me why i can’t hear this lead but i can hear this random person playing a citizen like?? BUT LITERALLY WHEN MICS DIE I LITERALLY WANNA JUST FALL TO THE FLOOR LIKE and the director is just like “keep going” LIKE DONT KEEP GOING WHAT? I CANT HEAR? like i literally feel like i have to focus my energy like some type of anime character to my ears just to hear a SNIPPET of what they’re saying but then sometimes i get in trouble for missing cues </3 LIKE I’M SORRY IT ISNT MY FAULT LIKE MAYBE GET BETTER SPEAKERS AND MICS?? also not you literally running the whole tech crew like rewiring the motherboard and climbing stuff like ness mvp tech girl LOL BUT I GET NOT WANTING TO THINK ABOUT THOSE TIMES LIKE i swear all tech/cast crew environments are SO toxic like i literally remember one of the cast fainting because like we literally got no breaks at all so she was probably overwhelmed with the lighting and everything else then that’s when the director was like ok… let’s take a break like YOU THINK??

ALSO YOURE SO RIGHT if the previous men i’ve talked to is on tumblr reading cutesy little haikyuu x femreader stuff THEN THATS ANOTHER PROBLEM(NO STOP I LITERALLY GIGGLED SO HARD WHEN YOU SAID THAT LOL)(everytime i read your responses im always smiling and giggling like i always reread it too LOL) but omg ness… the quarantine online gaming breakout season is such a canon event like BECAUSE ME TOOOOO LOL(we are so soulmates) mine was a mix of minecraft and roblox and I LITERALLY MET A WHOLE GROUP ONLINE TOO IT WAS CRAZY the ptsd flashbacks is so real but THATS SO GIRLBOSS OF YOU LIKE YES!! CALL MEN OUT ON THEIR SHIT!!(sorry swearing again) BE NO MANS PEACE!! i will literally find him and politely beat him up for you <333 TIME FOR LORE DROP AND IF THE PERSON READS THIS THEN ??? WELL ??? oh well LOL but anyways so i was in this little online group idk i kind of just found them through twitter and i was like WHY NOT so i became friends with this guy he went by socks(discord names are so real)and like we got really close right and like he was the only person i really VC’d with (AND AND TO BE FAIR I THINK ITS BECAUSE WE WERE LIKE THE BABIES OF THE GROUP) like we were the same age while everyone else was like 19-25ish now(idk what i was doing hanging out with them as a minor but oh well)(i’m 18 now so it’s ok!)(but i literally don’t talk to any of them now LOL)but i remember this one specific conversation where he was like teaching me spanish?? because i don’t know i was teaching him viet too so it was just a silly little thing and i translated it(this was through texts like i still have the screenshot LOL) and he basically confessed to me through text in spanish right then afterwards they were like JK JK JK!! IDK idk if it was real or not but we drifted a lot after that so idk! sock if ur out there !! im sorry !! to be fair though they didn’t give me a chance to reply because i had to translate it then when i came back to the chat they were like IM JK IM JK SO idk! I GUESS WE’LL NEVER KNOW!! also i will def report back when i get a poke bowl but im very very picky about the way i eat raw fish bevause sometimes it’s okay but when there’s an overwhelming amount i kind of get scared and im like hmmm maybeeee.. not this time… LOL It really depends for me!! but maybe ill try the imitation crab one if i see it!

AND UR SO RIGHT ONE DAY I WILL COME TO YOU AND I WILL BE UR GUARD DOG AT WORK !!! i’m glad yesterday was better! hopefully it keeps getting better, i will fight off the bad omens for you ness i will stand in the front lines fighting them off I COULD NEVER BE DISAPPOINTED IN YOU but i will be a tiny tiny bit upset because I WANT YOU TO EAT WELL AND TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF !! eggs and toast is so real but don’t worry :( a meal is a meal and you did good by getting up and making yourself something small! little steps are okay, i will be here along the way so don’t worry! take your time <333 I HOPE YOU HAVE A GREAT REST OF YOUR DAY!! (it literally took me an hour to write this because now it’s 4:30)(BUT i did eat in between writing) I HAD RICE AND CHICKEN YIPPPPEE!! i had to take a little break to eat then i continued writing LOL(but so real on saying ill go back but you never do because … me too)(i’m too lazy to look back on what i wrote so ill just trust myself) (mango anon loves you very much pls take care of yourself) (ALSO) i just realized i could make the font smaller (thank you again sav for the idea) so it would be easier to scroll pass these LOL BUT ANYWAYS MAKE SURE TO EAT AND REST WELL !!! xoxoxoxo

HELLO MY LOVE!!! MY DAY WAS PRETTY OKAY!! BESIDES THE CAR CRISIS OFC 😭😭 AND PLEASE WAKING UP AT 3PM IS SO REAL I'VE DONE THAT BEFORE </33 AND ESPECIALLY IF U WORK A 9-5:30 TOMORROW DEFINITELY GET ALL THE SLEEP YOU CAN GET!! REST UP AND TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF PLS <3 MAKE SURE TO DRINK LOTS OF WATER AND BRING PLENTY WITH YOU TOMORROW AND PLEASE EAT!! and don't apologize at all you're def okay to call sav sav as well (i'm pretty sure!!) AND YOU ARE MY MANGO ANON <33 AND I LOVE U SM!! AND I LOVE UR PARANTHESES LMAO THEY'RE SO CUTE <3 YES YAP CENTRAL!!

AND omg mango anon i just have to tell you like how honored i am <3 like i feel so seen by you!! the way you see the passion in my writing and like notice that i don't curse outside of my writing pls :(( my face is literally going :((( rn /pos i try not to curse outside of my writing just bc it's not my thing!! but ofc you can and like sometimes i still do!! definitely do whatever you want AND SORRY FOR ALL THE NOTIFS YESTERDAY AND TODAY SINCE I'M DOING THE SAME THING LMAO 😭 i'm the one that lets them bunch up so dw about them at all!! and mango anon i genuinely love talking and replying to you so so much AND I'M REALLY SO THANKFUL FOR EVERY ASK FROM ANYONE SO OFC I'LL BE ANSWERING IT WITH PASSION!! I GET WHAT YOU MEAN ENTIRELY AND I'M GLAD THAT GETS ACROSS WELL <3 I JUST APPRECIATE YOU ALL SM <3

AND YOU DEF DON'T HAVE TO SAY WHAT CONCERT YOU WENT TO!! I WAS WORRIED ABOUT LIKE THAT DOXXING U OR SOMETHING bc i had no idea you didn't live in the states!!! i definitely automatically assumed that and that maybe u had went to a different state since we were in the same timezone for a little bit but that makes total sense and that was my bad for assuming 😭😭 BUT AA YES!! I'D LOVE TO SEE HIM AGAIN AND MAYBE I WILL <3 LIKE HIS TICKETS DEF ARE NOT BAD PRICING AND HE'S AMAZING!!! i'm just insanely broke and like ik he's touring with sabrina carpenter rn or something??? which is super cool and good for him!! and sabrina's cool but i don't think i'd enjoy or be able to afford her concerts 😭 and that's okay!! maybe my tickets were cheap the time i went to see him bc it was a little more niche <3 AND AAA YES I WISH WE COULD SEE MITSKI TOGETHER!! the entire crowd would be in tears over i bet on losing dogs like that's our national anthem FRFR!!!!

I WAS IMAGINING THE PRETTY LITTLE FAIRY STICK WITH U thank you for tapping my head <33 AND I ALSO READ ABSORB EVERYTHING U TELL ME SO PLEASE YAP AS MUCH AS YOU WANT!! AND DON'T EVEN WORRY ABOUT SMALL FONT IF YOU DON'T WANT TO <3 YOU DO WHATEVER YOUR PRETTY LITTLE HEART DESIRES!!! (i am giving ur heart a kiss rn mwah <3) BUT PLEASE THE ILLEGAL JOBS FR SOME PLACES BE CRAZY AND THEY STILL GET AWAY WITH IT!!! BUT YOU GET IT EXACTLY like at the restaurant i often work at we often just have a rotation with no server sections bc it's pretty small (i'd only be forced to do sections when i worked with my manager who made me want to DIE and made me cry once i literally ran out and cried next to a steakhouse across from us) and so basically i just sit people at random tables (i always ask them like "is this table okay?" and i'm not really asking them like girl i have better things to be doing than escorting you around this restaurant trying to see what table tickles your fancy the best. i just ask them so i don't sound super forward like "THIS IS YOUR TABLE SUCK IT UP." yk??) and whoever's turn it is next, they get it so i'll tell them like "table three for two people" so like I REALLY DO NOT CONTROL WHAT CUSTOMERS A SERVER GETS BUT THEY ALL COME AND COMPLAIN AT ME FOR HOW BAD THEIR TABLES ARE (probably bc they're trying to guilt trip me or be passive aggressive) BUT LIKE WHAT AM I SUPPOSED TO DO ABOUT IT?? I'M NOT PURPOSELY GIVING PEOPLE BAD OR GOOD TABLES LIKE 😭😭 and i'm sure it's even worse at places like olive garden which are way bigger! and you have to work with other hosts and more people so best of luck to your friend she's doing amazing <3 AND YOU GET IT!! LIKE IT'D PROABABLY BE NICE TO HAVE A FIXED SCHEDULE BUT ALSO I COULDN'T DO IT I LOVE BEING SCHEDULED ON RANDOM DAYS EVERY WEEK I NEVER KNOW WHAT'S COMING also the guy who told you you guys needed more workers??? THANK YOU SIR FOR STATING THE OBVIOUS!! I HAD NO IDEA, LET ME, JUST A PERSON WHO WORKS HERE, NOT A MANAGER OR ANYTHING, GO DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT!! IN FACT, WHY DON'T YOU JUST PUT ON AN APRON AND START HELPING SINCE WE NEED MORE WORKERS!! CONGRATS YOU'RE HIRED!!

THANK YOU SO MUCH MANGO ANON 😭 I ALREADY FEEL SO BURNT OUT I'M REALLY HOPING THINGS WILL CALM DOWN AFTER SEPTEMBER IG (WHEN I STOP WORKING TWO JOBS) OR BY NOVEMEBER AT LEAST (WHEN THEATRE IS OVER) BUT WE'LL SEE </3 i'm sure things will continue to come up but i fr just want to lay down and sleep until 3pm like u did today 😔😔 that sounds so nice </3

AND PLEASE WHY IS YOUR TECH THEATRE STORIES THE SAME AS MINE like i was a run and props kid until my school's musical sophomore year where we got these three boys who all wanted to do tech and we had too many run and props kids so i was like "yk what. let me go to lights so that hopefully u three can be together" which didn't even work out bc one of the boys got thrown into lights with me while the other two were on run and props but were on opposite wings LMAO and so that was my first show doing lights which i did board op for because it was also our last show of the year which was also our like senior who knew everything about lights' last show so after that she GRADUATED and i was the one left to figure everything out 😭😭 and then the year after we lost our senior that knew everything about sound so my senior year was a STRUGGLE omg...bad times. but then i left that department a mess bc i could no longer care. like that lights kid wanted my job so badly? fine, fend for urself bro i'm not teaching u anything (sorry i am spiteful against that kid still LMAO) I ALSO THOUGHT ABOUT DOING TECH IN UNI!! my junior year i was fully planning to go to school to get a bfa for lighting design (new grounds was such a self insert for me LMAO) and my tech director literally pushed me to do it but then i decided i really did not want to be in these toxic stressful environments for the rest of my life 😭 BUT IF I HAD YOU!!! I DEF ACTUALLY WOULDN'T MIND <3 WE WOULD BE THE BEST DUO EVER I KNOW IT!! WE'D BOTH KNOW HOW TO DO OUR JOBS AND THAT WOULD BE LITERALLY GROUND BREAKING!! i mean even just reading ur stories i could feel the stress of like managing EVERYTHING i am so sorry for u mango anon but i am with u completely and from one tech mother to another, thank u for ur services 🫡 (i say tech mother bc WOMEN IN STEM!! in my entire four years of high school our top of the mill techies were always girls until we had this one run and props guy ruin it 🙄 he's actually the same guy who i used to like and the one who my mutual friend tried to get us to go to prom together but like i would NEVER UGHGHGH sorry he's also so frustrating to deal with i need to stop thinking about those times and this is exactly why i didn't actually go into theatre for school LMAOO) BUT YES AAA!! I WILL UPDATE YOU ON THE SUNA TECH SMAU AND I LOVE ALL OF INARIZAKI TOO <33333 haruichi furudate really put his whole budget into that team like please everyone on there is so pretty and beautiful and amazing and pookie shaped i love them sm <33 AND LOWKEY i was feeling like a stage manager reader (probably usually audio head but is stage managing this show) x lights head suna...bc i think that'd just be a crazy dynamic of her lowkey being in a higher position than him and he's just teasing and messing with her the whole time..BUT IDK and ik like theatre works differently in college but THIS IS MY WORLD AND WRITING SO I'LL DO WHAT I WANT!! i also have absolutely nothing actually planned out for the smau so who even knows LMAO THANK YOU FOR TELLING ME TO TAKE MY TIME </3 THERE'S DEFINITELY SO MUCH I NEED TO DO AND TOO LITTLE TIME UEFBIEWIOEGLN

BUT I'M GLAD U HAD THE SAME EXPERIENCES WITH PEOPLE NOT STRUGGLING we did this one horror play (which was SUCH a mess. okay let me just say this. our stage manager full on just gave up like halfway thru and would sit next to me reading vampire books and so same lights kid that kept trying to steal my job decided that it was "UP TO HIM" to save the show HIS WORDS EXACTLY I REMEMBER HEARING ABOUT THIS when literally the entire show was going fine and so basically he was like overthrowing our stage manager and was taking it upon himself to stage manage instead and give cues and just OMG THAT SHOW WAS A MESS BUT ANYWAY) and our main character just would NOT project like she was always cranky the musical we did that year she would just not sing or talk and we were like bro...ur in a musical BUT ANYWAY she wouldn't project we literally ended up hanging a mic and putting a little speaker in the booth so we could hear her bc like it was so important that we heard her lines but we couldn't when we were in a booth behind four windows and a closed door 😭😭

AND HELP YOUR ONLINE STORIES??? I GIGGLED READING ABOUT HIM TEACHING YOU SPANISH AND YOU TEACHING HIM VIET BUT ALSO THE ENTIRE FRIEND GROUP BEING OLDER WHEN YOU WERE A MINOR WAS CRAZY BUT I CAN'T EVEN JUDGE BC THAT WAS ME TOO 😭😭 I FEEL LIKE THAT'S HOW IT ALWAYS IS FOR ME I'M LIKE ALWAYS ONE OF THE YOUNGEST PEOPLE IN A FRIEND GROUP but i cannot imagine what that guy was thinking (i LOVE DISCORD NAMES HOLD ON LET ME GO FIND THE NAME OF MY GUY i think he changed it bc it's froge now...but ANYWAY IT WAS SOMETHING LAME AND SO WAS HIS ROBLOX USER IT WAS PROBABLY SOMETHING LIKE DARK KNIGHT IDK) but i cannot imagine the stress socks was going thru </33 i bet he sent that and then u were like "oh let me go translate it!" and then he was like "OMG SHE DIDN'T RESPOND AND SHE WENT OFFLINE SHE HATES ME" and just flipped and said "jk" bc THERE'S NO WAY THAT WAS JUST A JOKE LIKE U DO NOT TEACH PEOPLE CONFESSIONS LIKE DID THE TAMING OF THE SHREW TEACH U PEOPLE NOTHING THAT IS SO OLD SCHOOL!! (i also never proofread these and just go on tangents and for that, i am sorry </3)

BUT I ALSO DON'T LIKE RAW FISH DW AT ALL!! like they have a hawaiian poke bowl too or something with all raw tuna and i'm like...yeah i'm good actually... and so my only other choice is imitation crab unfortunately 😭 BUT I HOPE YOU FIND SOMETHING GOOD AND LIKE IT!!

MANGO ANON I LOVE YOU SO MUCH AND IT WAS SO GOOD TO HEAR FROM YOU <3 I ATE A BAGEL HALFWAY THROUGH THIS AS WELL (you can probably tell when i started eating it bc i was only typing with my left hand and probably didn't use as many crying emojis for a bit LMAO) AND I LOVE TALKING TO YOU!! I LOVE YOU <3 AND I HOPE YOU'RE DOING WELL!! I LOVE CHICKEN AND RICE AND I WILL MAKE SURE TO TAKE CARE OF MYSELF AS LONG AS YOU TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF!! DRINK LOTS OF WATER AND GOOD LUCK WITH YOUR SHIFT TOMORROW!! <3

#IT'S MIDNIGHT NO </3 #i should sleep unfortunately </3 #I WANTED TO WRITE BC IT'S THUNDERING AND RAINING LIKE CRAZY RN #BUT IT'LL ALSO BE NICE TO SLEEP THROUGH IT #I LOVE YOU MANGO ANON!! CANNOT WAIT TO HEAR FROM U NEXT UR SO AMAZING <3 #answers <3 #mango anon <3

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