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surveys-at-your-service · 3 years ago

Text

Survey #449-450

(both from yesterday)

What do you dislike about the house you live in? It's in the suburbs. Have you thought more about your funeral, or your wedding? My hypothetical wedding. Dinosaurs or unicorns? DINO BOIZ. What do you think of Maroon 5? I like some of their old stuff, and one or two of their newer songs, like "Payphone." What about Coldplay? I enjoy them. Fall Out Boy? Love 'em. Katy Perry? She's okay, I guess. There are a few songs I enjoy. Have you ever snuck into an R-rated movie when you weren’t old enough to see it without parents? No. What is your favorite Disney show? I don't have the slightest clue what's on Disney nowadays. What do you miss most about elementary school? Digging tunnels in the sandbox during recess with my friends. :'( When was the last time you saw the person you had your first kiss with? The start of February 2017. Hard to believe it's been four whole years... Is there anything hanging from the doorknob in your room? Ha, yes. Mom got me a little sign that says, "If I can't wear my flipflops, I'm not going," lmfao. All I wear are flipflops. What's your opinion on wearing pajamas in public? Do you yourself do that? I LITERALLY couldn't care less. I wear pjs in public sometimes; it really depends on where I'm going. What was the most severe punishment your parents gave you when you were growing up? Taking away technology was the worst. Do you usually fill up at the same gas station? Mom goes to a few different ones, depending on proximity and price. Have you ever owned any pet birds? What kinds/colours? I have not. I used to want a cockatiel for a long time, though. Do you pay much attention to your YouTube recommendations? If so, what was the last video that caught your attention? Kinda, I guess. I'm not sure what was the last recommended video I clicked. What has been the happiest time of your life so far? It's complicated. Most of my best memories are from high school with Jason, yet at the same time I was HORRIBLY depressed. I think my most pure happiness when I was really progressing with recovery. Moving on from him, losing tons of weight, feeling motivated... Have you ever had a crush on a celebrity? Who? My two biggest celebrity crushes ever have been/is Link Neal and Mark Fischbach. Do you have any fears you would rarely admit to anyone? Nah. Admitting fears isn't a big deal to me at all. What website do you spend most of your time on? YouTube. What did you have for dinner last night? A chicken sandwich. What could you talk about for hours? Meerkats, Silent Hill, Mark... Do you have a lamp beside your bed? Yes. What's your favorite ice cream topping? Chocolate syrup. What was the last TV show you binge watched? Avatar: The Last Airbender. Would you rather eat burgers or tacos? Oh, burgers for sure. I don't likes tacos. Did your mother change her maiden name when/if she got marred? Yes. Do you use TikTok? Nope. Are you closer to your mother or father? Mom. Do you own any costumes? No. Would you care if your SO went to a strip club? Hm. So long as they're not laying hands on any of the strippers and they ASKED me first, I don't think I'd care? I'm pretty sure I'd also only be okay with that if we were a long-term couple where very strong trust has been built. How helpful are your parents to you? Would they help you to pay for your first apartment? College? Where does the line end? They are so, so very helpful and I'm pretty sure would go to the ends of the earth to help me in any way they could. I know they WOULD help pay for the things you mentioned, but it's not something I want them to do. I want to be able to financially provide for myself, one day... Have you ever had to evacuate due to natural disaster? No. What video games did you have when you were growing up? LOADS. I looooooooved video games. What was the first election you ever voted in? This last one, actually. Can you hear anything right now? Yeah. I'm watching Gab play the Resident Evil 3 remake on hardcore mode. What's the coolest, most unusual pet you can think of? I've always thought sugar gliders were quite interesting as pets. I wanted one for a looong time, but I am not informed on how well they do in captivity and if it should even be legal for me to truly want one anymore. Have you ever seen a UFO or other weird object in the sky? By definition, it was a UFO. Sometimes I do even wonder if it was an alien spacecraft, given JUST how strange that shit was. I won't explain it again, just 'cuz I've done it in many surveys before. Are there any albums you know every single lyric to? I could probably nail Ozzy's Black Rain. What's your go-to painkiller? Advil. Does your mom have a celebrity look-alike? No, but there's a celebrity with her exact name. Do you think it’s pretty when 100s of balloons are let loose into the sky? NO NO NO NO NO that shit is SO upsetting. Where do you think they end up??? It's littering. Animals get choked and tangled by them all the time. What do you draw more than anything else? Definitely meerkats. Have you ever visited someone in a psychiatric home or ward? No, but people have visited me in one. Have you ever received a parking fine? No. Are you in any group chats? Who's in them? No. Do you have a lisp? No. Do you have an Instagram account? Do you use it often? I have three, but one's pretty much dead. I don't post stuff regularly on my other two either, really... Can you parallel park? I would absolutely hit another car. Have you ever played paintball? Did you get hit? No, that shit's dumb. You can get really hurt. What was your favorite fairy tale when you were a kid? Maybe Little Red Riding Hood? Are your parents still together? If not, do you know why? No. Mostly financial disagreements, but I know there's stuff I don't know. Have you ever been evicted? Why? Yes, because we couldn't keep up with rent. Have you ever worked as a manager or supervisor? Noooo. What was the last thing you voted for? So Snake Discovery (a reptile channel I love) hosted an enclosure build-off recently, and the winners were selected by fans via voting. The guy I voted for got 3rd. What's the most amazing animal you've ever seen in captivity? I've been very close to an elephant at a zoo once. They're magnificent. Having been to Sea World as a kid (I would NEVER go now), I also saw the killer whale show. As much of a spectacle as it was, it was animal abuse regardless. Do you like white chocolate? It's okay in small doses. Have you ever eaten snow? Yeah. Do you talk to your pets? Um, duh. Have you ever adopted a stray? (Cat or dog?) Cats, yes. Do you read about any mythology? (Greek, Roman, Norse, Egyptian, etc) No, not by my own will. I DO love mythology, I just... don't read it. Do you ever use bath bombs? No. Have you ever gotten angry at an employee and complained to the manager? No. Have you ever sent your food back at a restaurant? Yes, because they got my meal wrong. I was REALLY shy to do it, but I made sure to do it politely and apologetically. Do you sleep in a bra? What mad lad sleeps in a bra???????????? Has your ex ever gone out with someone close to you? No. Can you suggest someone funny on YouTube? I'll go for someone what isn't my obvious vote, ha ha. There are truly so many, but Garrett Watts is high on the list. Elena Bateman, too. Can you do a handstand? No. Has anyone close to you ever been suicidal? Yes. Have you ever broken someone's heart and didn't care? Tyler sure acted like I did, and to be entirely frank, I didn't care very much, but only because it was a HUGE overreaction and I knew he'd be fine quick. What color is your hairbrush? It's just a white comb. Who was your most recent call from? My psychiatrist. Have you ever watched someone die? Only animals... It's the absolute worst. Are you currently "seeing" someone? No. Are you friends with someone who's autistic? I might be, but I know my niece is on the spectrum. Do you like humans? To be entirely transparent... I think I wish humans were never a thing. We've done so, so much harm to the planet, some things irrevocable. Earth would be a much healthier, far more peaceful place if we'd never existed. Do you like pandas? I love pandas. P.S., fuck outta here if you're one of the people who don't support conservation efforts for them. That shit blows my mind. What do you think of Evanescence? They're great. Amy's voice is absolutely incredible. I don't even think that's an opinion, but global fact, ha ha. What do you think of Avenged Sevenfold? I like some of their stuff. I haven't heard a whole lot though, honestly. What do you think of Halestorm? ^ Do you think you are attractive? God no. I don't see me as an attractive person at all. Do you like dinosaurs? I love 'em; I was OBSESSED as a kid, and my first aspired job was a paleontologist. Do you like lasagna? No. Do you share a room? No. When was the last time you climbed a tree? Never, actually. Have you ever been hospitalized for more than 2 weeks? I think my longest was three. What can you do that none of your friends can do? I dunno. Why did you last go to the airport? Mom and I were dropping Sara off so she could go home. Who was the last person to see you in your underwear? My mom. Who’s the most attractive female you’ve ever seen? Maybe Alissa White-Gluz from Arch Enemy? Or my friend Alon. I'm certain there's more, because women are just so fuckin beautiful asdkfajlwejkrjqwe Red, white, yellow, or pink roses? I actually like the original, rich red. Do you think someone would ever want to marry you? Well, two people have, but one absolutely doesn't anymore and the other knows that it's not healthy or emotionally safe for either of us to imagine that at this time. I don't know if anyone ever will again. Do you like Thanksgiving? No. Like I enjoy the focus on thankfulness, but the history isn't right and I don't enjoy the food. Do you ever wear colored eye liner? No. Have you ever used a darkroom? No. Have you ever been "popular"? No. Has someone ever tried to convert you? Yes. Have you ever been told that you dress like a slut? No, not that how someone dresses has any relevance to their sexual activity. What’s your most recent obsession? Final Fantasy X jfccccccc. Video games or board games? The former. Are you scared of tarantulas? As much as I talk about them... you can probably tell I have a massive interest in them, ha ha. However, even though I love them, they're still sorta scary. Like, threat poses are no joke. And it's terrifying on the very rare occasion they hiss. During Covid, do you wear a mask or no mask? I'm fully vaccinated, and yet I still wear a mask because I'm a considerate human fucking being. Do you have a PlayStation 4? No, but I reeeeaaally want one. :/ Have you ever played Fortnite? Nah, not my type of game. Do you like anime? Yeah. Have you ever been on a boat? Yeah. I was always SO excited as a kid when Dad would take the boat out for a fishing trip. Have you ever played Kingdom Hearts? I've played some of it with Jason. I wasn't a fan of it. Have you ever built a snowman? Yes. DC or Marvel? I don't really have a preference.

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Do you prefer your nails long or short? Why? Short, because I can't keep my nails long for the life of me. I pick/peel my nails badly. Do you have any vinyl records? No. Are you still in touch with your best friend from high school? No. Have you ever visited any celebrity gravesites? No. How do you feel about archaeology? It's extremely fascinating. Would you have a big cat (like a tiger) for a pet if you could? No. I could never provide the environment they need, and it's simply not safe. They are not domestic animals, and even the ones that seem most tame can surprise you. What are your favorite smells? Cinnamon rolls, coffee, lilac, fresh baked bread, barbecue, etc. Have you ever had to block people online for harassing you? I'm not sure, actually... What is your favorite thing to do on The Sims? Surveys have a lot of questions about those games... I only ever played the ones that focused on animals, and I think I most enjoyed breeding them and naming the bbz. :^) And watching their behavior. Which hair color you've had has been your favorite? Red. If you were stupid-rich, would you ever actually want a mansion? No. I do not need all that room, nor am I wasting my money on such excessive space. What drinking games have you played? None. Do you take lessons for anything? No. Has something really heavy ever fallen on you? No. If you wear makeup, what colors do you usually wear? Only black. Does your shower have curtains or a glass door/wall? Curtains. If you have more than one pet, do they ever get jealous of each other? One is a snake and the other is a cat, so. Is there a room in your house that you don’t like going in? No. Besides salt and butter, do you put anything on your popcorn? Nothing besides what you mentioned. Are you lonely? I'm way too lonely for it to be healthy. Do you like pineapple? Yep. Have you ever seen fireflies? Yes; they're endemic to here. Have you ever trespassed? As a kid, yes. Do you raise your hand or participate in class? I did sometimes. Are you afraid of heights? Yes. Are you afraid of the dark? No. Would you ever be your school’s mascot who wears that costume? No. Have you ever written a poem? I've written a lot. Would you ever be a tornado chaser? FUCK TO THE HELL NO. What is your favorite thing to eat with bbq sauce, if you even like that stuff? I hate bbq sauce. Have you ever had to do a class in summer school? No. Have you ever been to the rainforest? No. Ever thought about writing a book? Yes. Have you ever had a dream where you killed someone? Yes. Have you ever solved a Rubik’s Cube? Nope. Have you seen all of the Jaws movies? No, only the first one with Tyler. It was aight. Have you ever had a black eye? No. Is your ex sexually attractive to you still? I haven't seen a picture of Jason in years, and I don't want to. Not because I care about how he looks now, it'd just be extremely triggering to see his face. I still find Sara gorgeous. Have you ever been to couple’s counseling? No. How often does your employer ask you to work overtime? N/A When was the last time you were scared? Ummmm I really can't say I know. What’s your favorite song by Rihanna? "Disturbia" is where it's AT. There's this synthwave edit of it that I positively adore. Can you speak binary? No. Have you ever had a pet that you disliked? A family pet, yes. Do you like boys with long hair? UGH yes. Do you like root beer? Not really, no. Do you like ice cream cake? Not really. Do you ever dream of yourself dying? That's not all that rare in my nightmares. What song always makes you sad? I think two songs are tied for what makes me most sad: "Stairway to Heaven" by Led Zeppelin and "Eternally Yours" by Motionless In White. Were you mean as a little kid? No; I was a sweet kid. Have you ever tried spam? No, it looks SO gross to me. How fast can you run? This is pathetic, but I don't think I CAN run. My knees are too weak. I think my weight coming down on them would just make me crumple over. Have you ever bought something from Spencer's? Yeah. Have you ever been on a diet? I've tried diets many times. Do you prefer light or dark jeans? Dark. When you listen to music, do you generally sing along, or just listen? I almost always just listen. Do you have any of your exes as friends on Facebook? Yeah. Who was your first love? Do you ever miss that person? Jason. I miss his memory every day. I say "memory" because it's been years, and I have no way of knowing who he is today. How many cars are parked at your house right now? One. Has anyone ever told you you’re a control freak? No. Do you know anyone who has gone missing? If so, were they ever found? Not personally. What was the spiciest thing you’ve ever eaten? Some wings with extremely hot sauce at Buffalo Wild Wings. Have you ever deliberately tried to get someone drunk? Um yeah, no. Do you like sprinkles on your ice cream? No. I don't like sprinkles in general. Do you know how to do the moon walk? No. Has anybody ever told you that you have a good singing voice? Yes, somehow. Onion rings or french fries? French fries, for sure. Who is the best cook that you know? Dunno. If you have your ears pierced, when did you get them pierced? When I was a kid. I don't remember the age, but I was old enough to decide myself that I wanted them pierced. If you have siblings, have they moved out or do they still live with you? They have their own places now. Do you like fried rice? Yessss. Are there any animals you refuse to touch? Some bugs. Have you ever intentionally fed a house spider? I don't believe so, no. What makes you feel lucky? That I have the family I do. What is something nice going on in your life right now? Just the gym-going, really... Who’s the worst person you’ve encountered on the Internet? An old friend I just knew as Shakes. If death wasn’t a consequence, what would you try? Maybe sky-diving, idk. Has a teacher ever told you off? No. Have you ever told off a teacher? No. Do/did you take school seriously or not? I certainly did. How do you usually cope with breakups? Not well. I obsess over how something's wrong with me and I'm not good enough for anyone. Disney princess or Disney animal movies? Animals, for sure. What's your favorite Katy Perry song? It's evading me right now... Have you ever made/tried friendship bread!? Omg, I forgot that was a thing! I actually have. I've completely forgotten the gist of it or even how it tastes, but I remember I loved it. What do you want to know about the future? If I'll ever be content and happy. What's your biggest insecurity? My weight. Ever found something disgusting in your food while eating out? No, thank god. Does the area where you live have a good or bad reputation? A very bad one. Are there any holidays that you don't celebrate? Yeah, like St. Patrick's Day, among some others. If you could find out who you're gonna marry right now, would you? Yes. Save myself time and heartbreak. How important is it to you that your partner has the same religious views? I wouldn't date someone very religious. If they're more tame about it, that's fine, but I'd prefer to not date a religious individual. Do you own a Wii? Yeah. I've kinda been wanting to play Guitar Hero or Rock Band lately on it... Do you like a lot of cheese on your pizza? "A regular, reasonable amount of cheese." <<<< This. I really don't like when things are so cheesy that it leaves a ridiculous trail when you try to separate pieces. Have you ever been made fun of because of your sexuality? Not directly to my face, but I can guarantee people I know had certain ~opinions~ on it when I came out. I also like just came out as pansexual versus bi, and I'm not even telling a lot of people in my personal life because I know they'll find the concept absolutely ridiculous. What would you do if you found an abandoned animal? "Depends on what type of an animal it was, and whether it was friendly or skittish." <<<< This. I'm obviously not going to try to usher a rabid dog over to me (I'd call a rescue or something if the animal appeared potentially dangerous), but if the animal appeared safe, my heart would absolutely lead me to try and get the animal to come to me so I could take it home and try to find the owner. Have you ever kissed someone who had a tongue piercing? No. What singer/band do you think deserves to be more famous than they are? Jonathan Young from YouTube. He is INCREDIBLE. He deserves to be picked up by a label so badly. What is your favorite PlayStation 1 game? The original Silent Hill, no competition. Do you think objectum sexuals are real, or attention seekers? I really can't imagine someone pretending to want to fuck their car for attention. I don't get it AT ALL, and it's weird as shit to me, but I mean, I don't think people can control what they're attracted to. How far out of your age bracket would you date? 21-early 30s, probs. Have you ever had an STD? No. Have you ever tried pho? No. Pick one: Crash Bandicoot or Spyro? Spyro!!!! I have the original trilogies of both series, but Spyro is where it's AT. Does your job allow piercings or tattoos? I'm unemployed, but I wouldn't work at a job that didn't, honestly. If you could dye your hair any color right now with absolutely no restrictions, what color would you dye it? Maybe like a galaxy-esque mixture of layered colors. I've wanted that for YEARS. Have you ever known a white supremacist? This region is swimming in them. Have you ever spoken to a detective before? No. Do ladders scare you? Climbing them does, yes. Do you have any tattoos on your arms? Yeah. Have you ever thrown up on anybody? Unless I did unknowingly as a baby, no. How many people have you turned down when they asked you out? Uhhh two or three, maybe? What is your favourite kind of fruit cobbler? I actually haven't tried enough to have an educated favorite, but I can say I love peach. Do you hear any other people talking right now? I'm watching a let's player play Sekiro: Shadows Die Twice, so I hear her, obviously. When was the last time you started a new medication? It's been a while, idk. What is your favourite type of nut? Cashews, I guess. I don't really like nuts, but I definitely like cashew bars. Where did you eat the best pizza you’ve ever eaten in your life? ... Domino's lmaoooo. Did you ever watch The Rugrats when you were a kid? Yeah, I loved that show. I even had two video games. Do you know anyone who was adopted? Yes. Can you name all 50 US state capital cities? No. Can you tie balloons? I can't, actually. Have you had a deep conversation with anyone today? Yeah. I wanted Sara's advice on something I'm dealing with. On your Facebook friends list, who was the last person to have their b-day? One of my sisters' was yesterday, actually. What did you/are you having for dinner tonight? I had Special K cereal. Name some healthy foods that you enjoy eating. Strawberries, apples, bananas, (sometimes) broccoli, other things that aren't coming to me. Who was the last person you Facebook messaged? My friend Girt. What flavor was the last cupcake you ate? The cupcake itself was chocolate, and the icing was uhhhh... blue? Apart from sleeping, what do you plan to do tonight? I haven't done anything of note. I'm probably going to bed soon. What’s the age difference between your parents? Two years, I think. When was the last time you ate an apple? Today. I have been on a big sliced apples w/ peanut butter kick lately. Have you had any caffeinated beverages today? I have soda every day. :x Have you eaten any chocolate today? What kind? Mom brought me a Reese's home today when she went out with a friend. How many different towns/cities have you lived in? Three. Have you ever written a song or poem for someone special? Poems, yes. Are you attracted to the last person you Facebook messaged? Not very much physically. Emotionally... I don't know. Do you have any ice cream in your freezer? What flavor is it? No. Ice cream is my #1 comfort food, so that's a big "keep out of the house."

#survey #surveys #random questions

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gabriel-agreste-has-no-rights · 5 years ago

Link

Rating: G

Summary: It comes down to Viperion and a kazoo to save an akumatized XY. Hopefully Bob Roth will be the only one who gets hurt. A Luka/XY fic

Word Count: 4154

Notes: Written for @janaikam through the @mlbforblm charity drive! The donations go directly to Color of Change, an organization for racial justice. I highly recommend checking them out and reblogging/donating the mlbforblm posts if you’re able! I have two fic request slots left as of 7/10/2020, and many other talented writers and artists are offering incentives as well!

XXX

“Lyre, I am Hawk—”

“Liar?” XY scoffed. His vision had gone all pinky-purple, which was weird. Wasn’t anger supposed to be red? Maybe all the tears in his eyes were blurring the color. “I didn’t lie. It was Dad who lied and said it was my idea to steal music again. It wasn’t even my idea the first time! He knows I never have any ideas!”

Hawksloth sighed in XY’s mind. Weird. XY didn’t know that telepathy could include sounds like that.

“I meant lyre as in the instrument.”

“But it’s a pun on liar. And that’s Viperion’s weapon, anyway. It’s probably copyrighted or something. Which I would know, because I don’t steal music anymore.”

Luka had offered to collab with him. And Dad had liked Kitty Section’s music before, so why did he throw such a fit when Luka and XY made something together now? Dad had told him to go back to his algorithm-generated music, but that didn’t have half the sexy vibes of his new tracks.

“Fine,” Hawkbroth growled. “Your name can be—”

“Ooh, ooh, let me pick! I’ve got the perfect one!”

“Somehow I doubt that…”

“Synthpathetic!”

Hawkmoth’s voice went silent. Was XY’s akuma name so amazing it had intimidated the supervillain?

“You know, because your stupid butterfly flew into my synth?” He pressed down on the keys, which had gone all purple-black and bubbly, like toxic ooze. Ooh, that might make a good idea for a song…

“I’m beginning to regret this already,” Hawkmoth muttered.

“Hey, no take backs! At least not until I deck my dad.” This day had already mega sucked, but he was gonna get something good out of it.

“And then you will bring me Ladybug and Chat Noir’s miraculouses.”

“Sure, sure, whatever. Think you’ll need a bit more jewelry than that to make up for your ugly wrestler costume though.” XY has never seen Hawkgoth in person, but the animation in the Larybug movie made him look stupid. Did Hawkflop’s teeth really look like that? They’d given him nightmares.

“Ugly—! No, let’s just get this over with, and then I can drop this facade.” Hawkroth seemed to be talking to himself, but XY could still hear him. Awkward. “Synthpathetic! I give you the power to expose your enemies as the liars they are. In return I ask for—”

“Yeah, yeah, some tacky jewelry. You sure you don’t want Viperion’s bracelet? That thing’s way cooler and has a better power than, I dunno, making polka dot desk lamps.”

Somehow XY had the image of Hawkfrost’s eye twitching.

“I will show you tacky.”

Then the purple-black swallowed XY up, leaving only Synthpathetic in his place.

XXX

“Synthpathetic. Hawkmoth must really hate you, huh,” Luka deadpanned while watching the Ladyblog stream on his phone. The screen showed a villain in a short gray coat and tall hair and… Luka pulled his eyes away from those tight golden shorts. He refocused his attention on the keyboard that seemed to be growing out of the akuma’s forearm. Wires connected the keyboard to a metal cuff over his bicep. Was one of those objects where the akuma was hiding? Or maybe it was in the sharp pink sunglasses. Heck, it even could’ve been in the hot pink XY-themed boots.

Even if it weren’t for those gaudy pumps, Luka would’ve known it was XY. No one else could pull off such a ridiculous outfit.

And of course, there was als the fact that Bob Roth had just gone on live television and “announced” that XY’s latest music was stolen.

Luka’s chest felt hollow. He should’ve been there for XY. It was Luka who’d told him to stand up to his dad, that XY should be able to express himself through whatever music he wanted. Clearly, that had backfired.

“Yo, Bob Roth! Does this sound stolen to you?” Synthpathetic stared into the camera as he pressed a chord with his left hand, and music burst from the instrument attached to his arm. The camera shook, and Alya’s hair whipped across the screen as she was blown across the street.

“Okay, so we have confirmation of this akuma’s target,” she announced, breathing heavily. The camera refocused; she must have stood up. “That’s weird, I’m feeling kind of—”

Suddenly her voice cut off. And then she burst out singing.

“Rena Rouge is my hero name, I said it out loud! Nino is my boyfriend and I love his Soundcloud!”

That didn’t sound right. Not that it wasn’t true—but why would Alya say that on her Ladyblog livestream, much less sing it? Unless—

“Oh no,” Alya whispered. The camera flipped around to show her face. “I wish I could say that was a lie, but I’m committed to bringing you only the truth. It seems like Synthpathetic’s power makes you sing something important to you. Maybe even something secret. Ladybug and Chat Noir aren’t yet on the scene—”

Luka clicked off the screen and jumped on his bike. He just hoped he’d be able to make it downtown in time.

XXX

“Ladybug!” Luka shouted, leaping off his bike. It kept going and crashed into the side of the hotel. He winced. Hopefully Ladybug’s miracle cure would take care of that. Not that the state of his bike was important compared to saving XY.

“Luka?” She gasped before handspringing away from one of Synthpathetic’s musical blasts. “What are you doing here? I already told Alya to clear the area!”

Luka had biked past the Ladyblogger to quickly for her to stop him. No one else had gotten past though, not that they’d want to. He’d briefly noticed Bob Roth cowering against the side of a building, Nino standing guard over him.

In the street Synthpathetic had already ravaged, it was just him and Ladybug, and Chat Noir and the villain. Chat was currently distracting him by waving his baton in a ¾ time signature.

“Not cool, man! That doesn’t match my 4/4 beats at all!” Sythnpathetic pouted, but Luka couldn’t focus on him yet.

“I need the snake miraculous,” he told Ladybug.

She yanked him around the corner of the hotel as a wave of music notes nearly struck them.

“If he hits you, you’ll be forced to give up your identity, just like Rena Rouge,” he continued quickly. “You and Chat Noir can’t risk that.”

He didn’t bring up the other reason why he was here. He wasn’t sure he could’ve put it into words, anyway. He just… he needed to be here.

If only he could’ve Second Chanced and stopped himself from giving XY that stupid advice in the first place.

“I know. That’s why I just got back from asking the Guardian for this.” She pulled the bracelet out of her yo-yo. “I was planning on giving it to Nino as soon as he took care of Bob Roth, but since you’re here—”

“Great.” He slipped on the bracelet. His kwami barely had the chance to materialize before he shouted, “Sass, scales slither!”

Ladybug gasped as the bright turquoise light washed over him. He barely heard it over the sound of Synthpathetic’s beats. Was Chat Noir doing okay? Luka hadn’t heard him sing yet, at least.

“Did anyone see that?” Ladybug’s brow furrowed beneath her mask. “I think we’re hidden enough behind this corner, but if anyone saw you transform, you won’t be able to be a hero again.”

That hardly mattered. Ladybug could always find someone else to wield the snake miraculous. She’d planned to give it to Nino, anyway. No, what mattered right now was making sure XY didn’t reveal the real heroes’ identities.

And making sure that XY would be okay when all this was over.

“Do you have your Lucky Charm yet?” He asked.

She spun her yo-yo in the air, and a polka-dotted kazoo fell into her hands. What she was going to do with that, Luka had no idea. But that was why he was Viperion and not Ladybug. His job was just to stay out of the way and buy the real heroes some time.

“Second Chance,” he whispered, tugging at the snake bracelet’s tongue.

Five minutes. Hopefully they wouldn’t need it.

XXX

They needed it.

Hawkmoth must have given XY extra agility on top of his magical music. Synthpathetic backflipped through the air as he blasted out chord after chord, even some arpeggios and scale for good measure. The melodies reminded Luka of the time they’d spent writing songs together in Luka’s room, humming back and forth. XY would make up senseless lyrics that made them both laugh. Luka would improv a harmony, while XY put each note in careful place.

They made a good team. It was too bad they were fighting on opposite sides now.

Each time a wave of translucent music hit Ladybug or Chat Noir, Luka was forced to reset before they began to sing. He couldn’t risk learning the heroes’ identities, even if they would never know he knew.

Through it all, Ladybug never seemed to find a use for her kazoo. She tried playing it, but Synthpathetic couldn’t hear over his own music. She tried throwing it, but it just got stuck in Synthpathetic’s tall mass of hair. She even strung it on her yo-yo, which made Chat Noir laugh and get hit with a musical blast.

She’ll come up with something. She’s Ladybug.

“Why don’t you guys attack Bob Roth instead of me? I’m way more sympathetic!” XY whined for the eleventh time. Sometimes Luka found XY’s nasally voice endearing, but right now it just made him grimace.

“I’m still surprised he knows what that word means,” Luka muttered before scooping up his lyre and scrambling to his feet. The most recent blast of notes hadn’t hit him directly, but it had taken out of a corner of the hotel and knocked him back. Dust made it hard to tell if Ladybug or Chat Noir had been hit. But he’d already reset so many times; he didn’t want to waste any more chances than he had to, especially since every time he had to explain to Ladybug what tactics they’d already tried.

Every time, she insisted that he stay hidden. He’d be too much of a target for the villain if he was in the open, she said. And besides, what else could he do? His weapon was a lyre. Even a guitar would’ve been easier to attack villains with.

Not that he really wanted to attack XY. Synthpathetic. They weren’t the same—he had to remember that. This blue-skinned villain wasn’t his friend. Luka had come to help Ladybug knowing that he would have to fight him, so why did the thought of it turn his stomach?

“Don’t worry, XY. We’ll save you… somehow.”

XXX

“We need a new strategy,” Ladybug said after Luka (for the twelfth time) explained what went wrong. “The time we defeated Desperada, you used your lyre to distract her. XY was a musician too, right? Maybe that will work again.”

Luka swallowed. “So you want him to know I’m here?”

“We don’t have anything to lose. He’ll forget once you Second Chance if this doesn’t work. Do you think you can do it?”

“I… yeah. I can.” He tried to sound more confident than he felt.

“Perfect. Chat and I will hide on two of the hotel balconies, where we can drop on him when he’s not expecting it. Here.” She pressed the kazoo into his hand. “I have a feeling this is supposed to be for you.”

“Um… alright.” He pulled off one of his lyre’s strings, then used it to string the kazoo around his neck.

She didn’t give him any more instructions other than “Good luck, Viperion.”

With that, she swung towards Chat Noir and scooped him up in her arms. The faint sound of their banter drifted in between Synthpathetic’s blasts. Then they were gone, disappearing over the railing of a high balcony.

“What the—hey! Why are you running? You finally realize how scary I am?” Synthpathetic shouted up from the street.

“In that shade of pink and those shorts? Terrifying,” Luka deadpanned while stepping out from behind the corner.

Synthpathetic’s pointed shades slipped off his nose as he gaped. Beneath, his blue eyes were practically bulging out of his head.

Guess that’s not the akumatized object, Luka mused as the glasses cracked on the pavement.

“Viperion!” Synthpathetic ran forward, clapping his hands together like he’d just won tickets to a concert. “You’re like, my favorite superhero! Can you sign my forehead?”

Luka’s jaw went slack. This wasn’t part of his plan. He was just supposed to distract Synthpathetic while Ladybug and Chat Noir dropped on the villain from above.

“You know it’ll just wear off once we beat you, right?”

XY—Synthpathetic—pouted. Geez, it was hard to remember this wasn’t his friend when his eyes looked like that. “You’re just saying that because you don’t want to do it, aren’t you? Of course you wouldn’t like me. I’m still just a villain, even if I’m a sympathetic one.”

He crossed his arms, accidentally pressing a few keys on the synth plugged into his arm. A soft minor chord blurred the air around his feet.

“Hey, I never said that,” Luka replied, but Synthpathetic just frowned.

“Did you know I always wanted to fight on your side?”

Luka blinked. “No, I can’t say I did.”

“Yeah. I never thought I’d meet you like this.” He chuckled sadly before wincing and digging a finger in his ear. “Hawksloth is yelling at me again. He wants me to take your bracelet. I think it looks better on you than me, though.”

Warmth coursed through Luka at the compliment, even if it shouldn’t have meant anything coming from someone wearing such eye-stabbing colors.

“You’re still in there, aren’t you? XY.”

“You—you know his name?” His eyes sparkled. “I mean—of course you do, he’s famous. But no, I’m not him. I just want to beat up his dad.”

You and me both, he wanted to say. But siding with an akuma probably wasn’t the best strategy.

Distraction. That was his only job. Where were Ladybug and Chat Noir? He scanned the side of the hotel, but didn’t see either of them. Better keep Synthpathetic talking, then.

“What did he do to you—I mean, to XY?”

Synthpathetic groaned. “Man, he was not cash money at all. He hated XY and Kitty Section’s collab cause it was like, too awesome and gay or something, I don’t even know. So anyway, he told everyone XY just stole the songs when he wrote them himself and—ngh!”

Synthpathetic clutched his head. “Hawkbroth—shut up! I’m trying to talk to my idol here!”

Luka’s heart felt fuzzy in spite of himself. He should take a note from Hawkmoth and start fighting too. There was no telling how long Chat and Ladybug were going to take, and his miraculous only showed two minutes left.

Suddenly Synthpathetic straightened. “Sorry, bro. I hope this doesn't hurt.”

Luka twisted his bracelet right before the keyboard bashed into his head.

XXX

“Viperion! You’re like, my favorite superhero! Can you sign my forehead?”

Luka couldn't help laughing. Even hearing it for the second time, XY was just too cute.

Not XY. Don’t get distracted this time.

“Sure. I’ll just need to know where your akuma is in return.”

“Deal! The dumb butterfly flew into—” He cried out and clutched his head again. Guess Hawkmoth wouldn’t let Luka win that easy.

“You’re mean,” Synthpathetic said, but Luka wasn’t sure if he was talking to him or Hawkmoth.

Either way, Luka had to act on his distraction. He lunged forward, crashing his lyre against the keyboard. The resulting blast of music blew them both towards opposite sides of the street.

Luka gritted his teeth against the song building in his lungs, and he twisted his bracelet.

XXX

“Viperion! You’re like, my favorite superhero! Can you sign my forehead? Wha—hey!”

This time, Luka ran in swinging. A lyre wasn’t as useful a weapon as a baton or yo-yo, but it could still hurt if it connected right.

Unfortunately, Luka didn’t know how to make it connect right. He again wished he could replace his weapon with a guitar. But as it was, Synthpathetic parried easily and leapt back.

“I wanted to fight with you, not against you!”

“Hawkmoth didn’t give you much of a choice, did he?”

Luka ran in again. It was a stupid strategy for him—Chat Noir was the only one who could carelessly run into danger and get away with it.

But by now, he was mad. XY was his friend. Luka had never seen him get more upset than when Luka had eaten the last slice of pizza. Bob Roth’s betrayal must have cut deep.

Really, Luka would rather be fighting that sleazebag than this akuma, but XY wouldn’t come back until Synthpathetic was gone.

So he punched, and kicked, and ignored Synthpathetic’s pleas to leave him alone.

“Give him a left hook! No, a right elbow! Come on kid, who taught you how to fight, some little Tinkerbell?”

Luka glanced over his shoulder, where Bob Roth had shoved past Nino and Alya.

“Sorry, I tried to stop him!” Nino said.

“LIAR!” Synthpathetic shouted, sprinting at full speed towards the older man.

Nino and Alya dove out of the way just in time for Synthpathetic’s fist to connect with Bob Roth’s jaw. Luka winced appreciatively at the crack.

“That was for insulting Viperion’s fighting.”

Then Synthpathetic kicked Bob in the crotch.

“And that was for calling XY a thief.”

Bob dropped to the ground with a high-pitched whine.

“You’re not going to play your music on him?” Alya asked. Her phone was out and filming again despite being a mere meter from the akuma. It wasn’t surprising that Ladybug had picked her to be Rena Rouge; she certainly had the guts for it.

“Nah.” Synthpathetic picked at something between his teeth, and the keyboard attached to his arm knocked against his chin. “Wouldn’t do any good. He’d make up some kinda lie later, like he did to Lu before.”

Synthpathetic had a point there. More importantly, though, he was still distracted enough for Luka to slice his lyre through the wires connecting the keyboard to his arm.

“Ow!” Synthpathetic cried out as sparks flew from the wires. Unfortunately though, no black butterfly flew out with it. “Look, I really didn’t even want to fight you. Hawkcrotch doesn’t care about your bracelet that much. Plus, you’ve got a cute face. Wouldn’t want to bruise it or anything.”

Luka blushed at that, but shook it off. He didn’t have much time. The responsible thing to do would be to Second Chance now, but the selfish part of him didn’t want to undo Bob Roth’s humiliation.

Plus, he finally caught sight of Chat Noir perched on the roof.

“You don’t have to hurt me, you know.” Luka spread his arms wide. “You could always just play your music. If you like me so much, you’d want to know my deep, dark secrets, wouldn’t you?”

Synthpathetic’s grin showed all of his perfect white teeth. “Great idea! You’re hot and smart!”

Luka’s bracelet began to beep, but he didn’t flinch. Ladybug, you better be ready…

Synthpathetic’s fingers flashed across the keys. The chorus from Mr. Brightside boomed like a shot from a canon. It took Luka in the chest, but he dug his heels into the concrete and remained standing as he skidded back.

The song built in his chest. Chat Noir jumped from the roof.

Right before Luka was forced to sing, he shoved the kazoo in his mouth.

“What? No fair!” Synthpathetic whined as a rhythmic buzzing was the only sound from Luka.

The only sound out loud, anyway. In his heart, Luka felt the words that Synthpathetic couldn’t hear.

“Cataclysm!” Chat Noir shouted. Synthpathetic barely had time to look up before the hero’s outstretched hand pressed down on the keyboard.

Everything happened at once. Ladybug’s yo-yo caught Chat Noir by the ankle, stopping him from splatting into the pavement. The synth disintegrated around XY’s arm, and violet light bubbled around him. Ladybug lowered Chat to the ground before snapping up the dark butterfly. Then, finally, she swung herself down the street.

She landed between Luka and XY and held out her hand. Luka stared at it blankly for a moment before spitting out the kazoo and handing it over.

She grimaced as Chat Noir’s cheeks puffed with laughter.

“Ah, er, thanks… uh, Miraculous Ladybug!”

Pink light exploded in the sky. Buildings repaired themselves; chunks of rubble disappeared. Bob Roth was still lying on the ground, but Chat Noir hefted him up and deposited him on the hotel’s front steps.

That taken care of, Luka crouched down beside XY, who was rubbing his head.

“Ngh, what…? Viperion!” XY’s whole face lit up like Christmas. “You’re like, my favorite superhero! Can you sign my forehead?”

Luka laughed. “Of course, XY. Do you have a pen on you?”

“You know my name!” He beamed at Ladybug and Chat Noir, who was jogging back already. He probably didn’t want to be around Bob any longer than he had to. “Did you hear that? My favorite superhero knows my name!”

“Seems like he’s got you taken care of then.” Chat Noir winked at XY. “What do you say, my Lady? Should we leave them to it?”

“Don’t forget about your timer,” Ladybug told Luka. “And meet me around the corner when you’re done.”

“Right.” He nodded. One minute left. He could handle that, even if he wished he had more time.

Particularly now that he knew what truth had been buried so deep in his heart, only the akuma’s magic could release it.

XY giggled as Luka accepted his pink sharpie and signed Viperion in curling script across his forehead. He left a second signature on his purple headband for good measure.

“I’m never washing my face again,” XY swooned.

“You know, clean faces get more kisses,” Luka replied seriously.

XY’s eyes widened. “You—wait, would you actually—?”

Luka smiled and pressed a kiss to XY’s cheek.

“Please don’t forget to wash that, too.”

Then he saluted and dashed towards where Ladybug had disappeared. As he ran, the synth-driven song still beat in his heart:

My real name’s Luka, that’s not new. But did you know I’ve got a crush on you?

XXX

XY replayed the Ladyblog footage of Synthpathetic punching his dad. Each crack was like music to his ears. Maybe he could remix that into a new track.

“I wonder if Ladybug’s magic dust fixed that.”

Luka snorted, strumming his guitar from where he sat on his bed. It was a relaxing tune, one XY hadn’t heard before. “I hope not. He deserved it after he lied about you.”

XY smiled. It was nice to have a friend on his side, for once. Luka had been there to pick him up and take him back to the Liberty after Viperion had left. Dad had tried to stop them from leaving together, but there wasn’t much he could do when XY sat on Luka’s bike handlebars, stuck his tongue out, and let Luka pedal them away. It wasn’t quite as romantic as being carried by Viperion would’ve been, but it was a close second.

Luka’s quiet music faltered, his hands fumbling on the strings. “Hey, XY…”

“Yeah?”

“I’m sorry I gave you that advice. To stand up to you dad, I mean. I should’ve known he’d just end up hurting you.”

XY shrugged. “Honestly, man? I’d do it all again. I got to punch him and I got a kiss from Viperion.” He touched his cheek, sighing dreamily. That kiss had been after he was brought back to normal, so he could still remember it perfectly.

Of course, having replayed it seventy-eight times on the Ladyblog helped, too.

“I’m glad you’re happy, but… what are you going to do now? Aren’t you worried about your career?”

“Nah.” XY leaned his head back against the side of Luka’s bed and closed his eyes. “I’ve made enough money to break off from Dad, even if I have to get a slummy apartment. But I bet Viperion’s gonna fly me off into the sunset before I have to worry about that.”

Luka laughed. “Viperion doesn’t fly, you know—”

“He would for me.”

“—and he doesn’t always have his miraculous. Maybe he wants to come rescue you, but he can’t.”

XY frowned. With the power of Second Chance, he doubted there was anything Viperion couldn’t do.

“Doesn’t matter,” XY decided. “I’ll wait for him. I know I’ll see him again.”

Luka’s melody picked up again, bringing another smile to XY’s face. Could Viperion play the guitar that well? XY daydreamed that he could.

Luka’s whisper blended with the music.

“I know you will, too.”

#tali writes #miraculous ladybug #luxy #luka #xy #ml #fic tag #mlbforblm

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lowat-golden-tower · 5 years ago

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OKAY so those thoughts i mentioned earlier, let’s see if i can parse this out into a post

so i think we’ve been looking at the sides as a general concept, well... okay i’m not gonna say wrong because this entire post is speculation and i could be the wrong one dhusfhufhsu but let’s just say i haven’t seen this particular perspective yet

so there’s plenty of theories on how the sides work; with the colors, light/dark sides, the emergence of remus as roman’s “twin” or “other half”; not to mention the rainbow theory

but something struck me. logan points out to thomas in “intrusive thoughts” that remus and roman look the way they do because THAT’S how thomas sees them. a support for this is remember virgil’s OG appearance? it was scarier. thomas was scared of virgil then but now he’s a softer boi. and virgil isn’t the only one who changed

technically all the “light sides” have had a revamped look. but if you pay attention, it’s not only their appearances which evolved. a lot of people chalk up the shift in their most visible traits and characterization as like, character growth. but we have to remember. these sides are thomas. any growth they have, or changes, are HIS changes. his growth. how his views of those sides change

patton grew less Full On Dad and more just soft Father Figure, until recently, when honestly he’s been given a more and more negative light- because of the stress and pressure he’s been putting on thomas, perhaps?

roman became even more fanciful and gallant because that’s what thomas thought he should be, as his creativity. he says creativity is all about pretty things and butterflies. but he’s also been getting really self-conscious about his work, which reflects IN roman

virgil, as we mentioned, lost his frightening edge and became softer as he was made a welcoming presence. as thomas acknowledged his anxiety wasn’t necessarily bad, but only hurt him if he let it run rampant and unchecked- as he was doing with virgil. now we didn’t get to see virgil after he revealed to thomas he was one of the “dark sides,” sides thomas has always viewed more negatively. perhaps when he does show up again this change will be apparent? then again, he’s accepted janus, so perhaps this is a moot point

logan started out the most like his vine-self i think and has undergone the biggest change. i ranted about the “erase me” animatic in my last theory post but there’s a particular scene which showcases this exceptionally. logan’s excitable fact sharing and eagerness to “teach” what he knows gradually became more restricted, more controlled, less bouncy and emotional as time wore on. was this because he felt it was necessary, or because as Logic, this was how thomas believed he should be? is logan’s current personality a result of thomas? and is his recent regression, his lack of significance in the last few episodes, a key indicator of just how greatly thomas is valuing his emotions and his heart, over logic and his head?

like virgil, we haven’t gotten to see remus or janus since thomas’s perspective on them changed. when we see remus again, will he be less “scary?” thomas hasn’t accepted him the way he has janus, but he isn’t scared of him anymore. and janus, will he be less snake-like? if the sides appear how thomas believes they should, and he now sees janus as less of a snake, then maybe he’ll revert back to looking like a normal side??

do you see the path i’m on here? these sides, they aren’t “light or dark” because of some grand scheme. they’re filling the roles thomas believes they should. roman and remus being the most prominent example. at some point in thomas’s childhood, likely when the church preachings began to sink in, he decided some of his creativity was WRONG. and so it split. and roman was lifted on a pedestal of Good, a brave and noble prince, while remus was shoved away into a closet to be ignored. the second son, the “evil” twin, the villain and all his badness thomas was scared to explore because of consequences taught to him

remus isn’t bad. thomas simply saw him as such. and janus, as has just been proven, isn’t bad. thomas thought he was. and virgil. virgil- you get where i’m going with this. there’s a recurring theme here

and if this is the case, there IS no true foundation for light and dark sides. its completely malleable. these representations of core parts of thomas, they can be whatever he believes them to be. this epiphany is why i don’t think the orange side is 1) the only side left or 2) a simple emotion like anger, or a disorder like depression

looking at the current line up of sides. as i mentioned, they’re CORE PARTS of thomas’s personality:

logic

morality

creativity/passion

creativity (in the form of intrusive thoughts)

anxiety- who i actually think is vigilance. instinct. anxiety carries those negative connotations from when thomas viewed virgil poorly. it makes sense that his anxiety stemmed from something like instinct. monitoring the potential dangers of a situation and urging thomas to avoid them

deceit- no, not deceit, self-preservation. think about it. in the last video- no, the last TWO videos- janus kept putting thomas first. he insists on thomas looking after himself, and being selfish for once. why does a person lie and deceive? to avoid consequences; save their own skin. avoid a danger. maybe this is why janus and virgil USED to be so chummy??

you see? even the “dark” sides are core parts of thomas. none of them are disorders, even if remus carries the mantle of “intrusive thoughts” due to being ignored. and none of them are emotions- which makes sense, because they all FEEL a myriad of emotions. so it wouldn’t really make sense

going off this theory, i believe the orange side (and any other potential future sides) will be another core part, as yet unexplored. something which arises and gains spotlight due to the current situation, as remus and janus did. perhaps one labeled a “dark” side too, and showcasing the appropriate visage of negativity.

so who or what do i think the next side could be, then? well...

i think it’s gonna be Indulgence. with self-preservation at the wheel, vigilance not present, intrusive thoughts wrangled, morality and creativity at low points, and logic being pretty much absent... well. it’s a prime time, don’t you think?

#sanders sides #thomas sanders #sanders sides theory #oof this was a lot #i think i managed to explain my thoughts tho #long post #logan sanders #roman sanders #virgil sanders #patton sanders #remus sanders #janus sanders

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janus-stanus · 5 years ago

Text

It Seemed the Better Way

Rating: Teen and Up | Category: General, Angst, Character Study

Characters: Virgil and Janus, + a Remus cameo (and maybe someone else?)

Setting: Half when Virgil and Janus were around 10 years old; half in early July 2017, right before the Season 1 finale

Summary:

Years and years ago, Virgil came to Janus with a problem. They both swore themselves to secrecy. In doing so, Janus discovered his purpose. Now, as Virgil looks back on that decision, Janus comes to him with some questions. This time, they don’t see eye to eye. Virgil has to pick a side. He chooses neither.

Content warnings:

Imaginably standard for fics about Virgil choosing to duck out, but we get into his self-hatred and wanting to disappear

Homophobia (the characters don't literally experience it but the description of it is fairly intense)

Spider-related body horror, not much more extreme than Patton turning into Lilypadton though

And temporary possession

AO3 Link (13k words, one chapter + a short epilogue)

Because the fic is so long and mostly one part, I won’t be straight up posting it here to tumblr. Fortunately, you don’t need an AO3 account to read it. I will put the first ~1,700 words below the cut as a preview (plus the taglist). Since this is my first complete Sanders Sides fic, reblogs, kudos, and comments would be greatly appreciated! Hope you enjoy!

[props to @books-are-cool for beta reading the fic for me!]

Virgil had to steel himself before entering Janus’s room. It always unsettled him how empty yet cheery it was. The daffodil yellow walls and carpet, plus the faint scent of lemon air freshener, made him queasy, and there was nothing else to add any character or additional color. The one object that wasn’t a yellow-tinted carry-over from Thomas’s bedroom was the cushioned yellow chair Janus was currently lounging in. He seemed to have dozed off in it, still in his black pants, bright yellow polo shirt, and sparkly dark purple waistcoat. The sight made Virgil feel somewhat underdressed in his lilac pajamas.

The door shut behind him, and Janus’s eyes fluttered open. When he saw the intruder, dragging behind him a thin black blanket patterned with skulls, he let out a beleaguered yawn.

“Yes, Virgil?”

He approached cautiously, rubbing his fingers against his safety blanket to calm his nerves. He did his best to block the clips of the evening broadcast from his mind for the moment. Instead, he forced eye contact with Janus, and, in a hushed tone, spat out the words that had plagued him for the past hour:

“Is Thomas gay?”

“…What? You mean, does he like guys? No, obviously,” Janus retorted as he rubbed his eyes. However, when he lowered his hands and saw the sincere concern in Virgil’s face, he paused.

“Are you sure?”

Present-day: Early July 2017

It’s a quarter past midnight, and Virgil finds himself in a paradox. His body has dissolved into jello and cries out to sink into bed, yet it turns to stone whenever he even thinks of leaving his post. His face sags like melting wax, but his eyes remain wide open, staring with laser intensity into the formless darkness of his room.

Usually, it’s easy for him to pin down the origin of his fatigued insomnia; some issue he blew out of proportion during the day, or a potential problem lurking on the horizon. Not this time. It was a good day. Just like yesterday, and the day before, and every other day in the past week. It’s standard for Thomas, and presumably the other three, but for Virgil specifically? It’s the first time in Thomas’s adult life that he’s experienced this level of calm. He could get used to it - if it didn’t come with the itching need to do something about it, to tear back the curtain and drag out the monsters lying in wait, to make himself useful. In combination, he’s left with a light, murky haze of apathy filling in the gaps where his emotions should be, creating the sensation of him slowly rising into the air. He needs to feel something. He wants to feel bad.

So he slides off the desk into the leather chair, closes out of the Evanescence playlist on his laptop, and pulls up the video that has rooted itself in the back corner of his mind. While it was uploading, it was the typical brand of anxiety that made it monopolize his attention. As Joan and Thomas had said, coming out was something you’ll never be done doing; however, this video was as close to a final statement of intent as anything would be. There was no turning back from here, no more lying hiding. And, even this many years on, he was still terrified of the fallout.

However, now that it’s immortalized on the web and thousands of unknowable eyes and ears have consumed it, with comments still rolling in by the dozens, the uneasy feeling wracking his body is of a different nature. Because they love the video, of course they do. The online community that has formed around Thomas never ceases to amaze him. Just a year or two ago he’d have laughed at the idea that he’d choose to scroll through the comments on one of Thomas’s posts, but here he is, once again proving his visions of the future wrong. It’s the most he’s smiled in years (though the competition for that honor has been more heated recently than it was for a long, long time).

He scrolls past multiple “I’m here, I’m queer” jokes, compliments for everyone who took part, proud declarations of identity, and allies sharing their support. Those all warm his heart, but the ones which make him pause are the uplifting coming out stories: people who opened up to friends and found they have more in common than they knew; people who gathered the courage to have the talk with their parents (not in the foolhardy way he had, god no, he has yet to watch through the video without skipping that part); people who found acceptance in their communities, even religious ones, even at school. And more than that, people, total strangers from every corner of the globe, who claim Thomas as an inspiration for them living their truths.

It’s those comments that trigger the uneasy feeling. That, and whenever the word “repression” resounds in his headphones like a high-pitched whistle.

Virgil lives in the negative. He deals not just in apprehension and fear, but in embarrassment, regret, and guilt; and he exaggerates each instance by his nature. But this whirlpool in his gut is the result of more than just one bad memory, one isolated failure. It was a chain of choices that formed the armor which has since fused to his bones; actions taken and opportunities passed over, things said and unsaid, truths suffocated and lies that gained a life of their own,

“You called?”

Virgil slams the laptop shut almost hard enough to shatter the screen. He flicks the desk lamp on, then swivels his chair to face the intruder, shaking his head a few times to part his bangs.

“...Janus.” Not the bad feeling he was looking for.

“You remembered,” he grins, an artificial glimmer in his eyes. He takes a second to adjust his capelet and ensure that the golden clasps on his shirt are perfectly in place. “Forgive me for the lack of professionalism, I had to take care of, a thing.”

From the way he says ‘thing’, Virgil knows exactly who he’s talking about. Some things never change. “You couldn’t have knocked first?”

“I thought we were beyond that point in our relationship,” Janus pouts, putting his hand to his chest. “You’re not going to kick me out, are you?”

“Depends,” Virgil responds, without missing a beat, as he pulls his headphones off his ears and tosses them onto the desk. “Why are you here?”

“To talk.”

“About what?”

“...I was hoping you would take the lead on that front,” Janus says, “You’ve always been so good at that. But if it’s up to me, I suppose I could provide a starting point.” He makes a show of glancing around the dimly lit room, recoiling slightly at the inexplicable smell of lavender and expired Halloween candy, before he locks his gaze on the anxious side with the most neutral smile he can muster. “What are your feelings on last month’s ‘Having Pride’ video?”

Virgil huffs as his body tenses. He wants to say ‘fine’, but then he remembers who he’s talking to. “In all honesty? They’re mixed.”

“Really?” Janus gasps, with all the subtlety of a piano plummeting from a third-story window. “I’m, quite frankly, astounded to hear that from you. Why?”

Virgil rolls his eyes. “Look,” he hisses, “I don’t know what you’re hoping to get out of this, but we are not going there.” He flips up his hood and spins the chair a full 180 degrees. “Good to see you, now get out. Maybe try again another time.”

For a moment, the room goes quiet, music to Virgil’s ears. Then Janus fires back, with words like daggers:

“If you say so. It’s all water under the bridge now. Just, don’t sit there and make yourself out to be the victim.” When he gets no reaction, he gives a final thrust: “I did it for you, remember?”

Virgil’s hands clamp down on the armrests. He tries not to say anything, to just let him have the satisfaction of having the last word and leave. But the last statement out of his mouth devolves into outright mockery as it echoes in his ears, begging to be challenged.

In the blink of an eye, he rises and sharply turns to face his opponent. “You keep on saying that,” he growls, leaning in with his arms crossed atop the back of the chair, “But you and I both know it stopped being true a long time ago - if it ever was true.”

Janus’s eyes narrow. He briefly flashes his fangs, but he bites his tongue. Instead, he plants one hand on the chair, as if throwing down a dueling glove, then shoves it toward the other wall. Virgil catches his balance just before he’s sent tumbling forward, his hood sliding back down.

“Apologies, let’s try that again,” the scaly side smirks. “You were saying?”

Virgil takes a moment to refocus his frustration. “How mature of you,” he mumbles (not that he should have expected better from him). Then he jerks his head up so he can drill his eyes into the snake’s as he continues. “I won’t pretend I wasn’t in on it to start, because believe it or not I’m better than that. Thing is, I realized later that it was a terrible idea, that it would only make things worse in the long run, for all of us. So I asked you to give it up. Did you listen? Of course not. And you never said why you couldn’t, you just-”

“Because you knew,” Janus cuts in, his voice sparking with indignation, everything else about him suddenly stone cold. “You knew exactly why.”

All Virgil can do is stare blankly back at him. While he waits for further clarification, he idly notices the dark smudges fading in under the other side’s eyes.

Janus cocks his head in turn, scanning every inch of Virgil’s clueless face. He opens and closes his mouth a few times. When he fails to find the words, his arm begins moving with a will of its own.

Virgil notices the trembling hand in his peripheral vision right before it lands on his shoulder. He takes an abrupt step back, and from the depths of his subconscious something roars, “Don’t you dare t-”

And it clicks.

END OF PREVIEW

If you want to read the rest, here’s the AO3 link again!

TAGLIST: (massive thanks to @the-taglist-repository!)

@smileyzs @robinwritesshitposts @thatgaydemigodnerd @arya-skywalker @itsabsurd-and-terrifying @potatsanderssides @legendsgates @demoniccheese83 @rainbowbowtie @kieraelieson @star-crossed-shipper @a-fandom-trashdump @just-your-typical-trans-guy @idont-freaking-know @katelynn-a-fan @dwbh888 @royal-stormcloud @ananonsplace @ollyollyoxinfree @brain-deadx0 @the-grounded-raven @grouptalekindnesssoul @the-hoely-bleach @anvil527up @fanficloverinthesun

#thomas sanders #sanders sides #it seemed the better way #virgil sanders #janus sanders #raven writes

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kclenhartnovels · 5 years ago

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Horseshoes and Hand Grenades, Larocque’s Introduction

As I’m finally getting some actual words done on the project, here’s a fun sneak peak into the early chapter, and Harding’s first interaction with Larocque. I feel like I’m finally finding the narrative voice, and I may be having too much fun with descriptions.

===========================

"Agent John Harding, Sr.?"

The use of his full name startled Harding out of his focus, and he jerked up so suddenly he sent half a dozen papers fluttering to the ground. They hadn't been in much order to begin with, emptied from the file box and strewn across his desk and the floor with a few of his own notes scribbled on post-its on top of them, still trying to make sense of the flood of information. He had expected some other lackey suit to be standing in the door to his office, perhaps holding another full box or checking in on his progress as they had been doing for the past couple days, but instead was someone he had never seen before. And he didn't look like a paper pusher, or a field agent. Instead of a suit, he wore a long white lab coat, immaculately pressed and clean. He had the long, narrow look of someone who had at one point been a normal proportion, but then had been squeezed and pulled too tightly through some sort of unforgiving machine. His high cheekbones angled too sharply against the line of his jaw, leaving hollows that might have been called dimples if they didn't look so severely cut. Dark blond hair curled loosely across his temples, and seemed the only thing about him not pressed and stretched into a cultivated, regimented perfection. Harding got the distinct impression that he was some sort of lizard that had decided to wear a human-suit, but had no idea how to make it properly fitted. If he saw a forked tongue, Harding was going to carve a window into the wall behind him and jump through it.

"Yes, sir," he answered instead. "That's me. Can I help you?"

The reptile in the doorway smiled, at least much in the same way a snake smiled while sizing up a cornered mouse. It was less of a gesture of goodwill, and more a yawn of fangs in preparation to swallow someone whole. "My name is Dr. Henri Larocque. I have the results of your bloodwork."

"Ah." When Larocque didn't continue right away, Harding felt compelled to speak. "Is this like looking up symptoms on the Internet? Do I have brain cancer?"

The doctor's smile widened marginally, enough to finally wrinkle the hollows of his pitted cheeks. "Quite the contrary. Won't you follow me?"

"Why do I feel like I don't have a choice in the matter?" Harding picked up a few of the papers that had fallen, returned them to the piles where (he thought) they came from, and gingerly stepped around the rest. Standing beside Larocque, he was even more acutely aware that his own suit was rumpled, his tie was loosely done, and he hadn't really slept in a day or so. He felt rather like a stray dog beside a freshly-groomed Westminster poodle.

"You always have a choice, John."

Harding flinched. No one called each other by first names here, and he wasn't sure if it felt too familial, or too mocking when the doctor said it. It was just weird. Everything about the doctor spoke something of the other, and he couldn't help but wonder if there was some sort of Lovecraftian beast lurking under the skin, rather than a simple razor-toothed lizard. "Yeah, it sounds like it. You sure I don't have brain cancer?"

Larocque led him down the hallway, past the series of windowless offices where other paper-pushers like him worked, past the open cubicles of other agents. RJ saw them pass by, and she stood to exchange a glance with him. He offered her a shrug, and gestured vaguely towards the white coat in front of him, before spinning one finger beside his temple in a gesture of insanity. When she looked genuinely alarmed, a tightness formed in his stomach. Did she know something he didn't?

The doctor pushed open a door at the end of the hall, and gestured Harding into the same small clinic room where the nurse had drawn his blood almost two weeks ago. "Please, have a seat."

The only place to sit was on the hard metal table, covered with a sheet of sterile paper, and Harding felt like a child waiting for a round of vaccinations when he hopped up onto it. The paper crinkled under his hands. The sound settled around the knot in his stomach, adding an acidity that made his teeth ache, as if he had just heard nails scraping against chalkboard for the past two hours. "So," he began lamely, "what's this about? They never said what the blood draw was for."

Larocque drew the shades on the door's window, giving them as much privacy as could be expected. Harding half waited for him to pull out a butcher's knife and begin painting the white walls with chunks of his flesh. But instead, the doctor moved in front of him, and tapped his tapered fingers against a clipboard. "How much do you know about the human genome, John?"

His teeth ached, and he realized he had been gritting them. "It's Agent Harding."

The doctor smiled thinly. "Answer the question, please."

What the fuck was he supposed to say? "I'm not a biologist. I studied French and political science. I know they finished the human genome project recently. It was all over the news." Larocque nodded, and seemed to be waiting for him to go on. He felt a frustrated sigh hiss past his clenched teeth. A headache began to throb in his temple. He hadn't slept, hadn't eaten anything that morning aside from three cups of coffee and half a bagel that he had mostly neglected after he found mold in the cream cheese. "I don't know. DNA makes us who we are?"

"That is correct." He sounded like a teacher, praising an especially thick student for finally answering a simple question, while the rest of the class snickered and flicked spitballs at them. "And we have mapped your genetic code. This is a brave new world we are entering, and you and I are to be on the forefront of this new science. You see, your DNA is holding something extraordinary."

"Not brain cancer, then?"

Larocque's impeccable human suit flickered with irritation. His nostrils flared, and a hint of color finally touched the hollows of his face. "I am certain that you are aware of the rumors of humans with powers beyond the norm? Those that can produce elements with the powers of their mind, or move at speeds and strengths thought impossible?"

"I read comic books," Harding agreed.

"This is not colorful fiction any longer, John. We may have the power to unlock and strengthen these abilities, now that we know the genetic markers that indicate a predilection towards them." He tapped the clipboard again, and his taunt body leaned forward some. "And the markers on yours are incredibly rare. Tell me, how often do you get sick?"

"Get sick?" he repeated, feeling a fresh pulse in his headache when Larocque called him by his first name again.

"Yes, how often do you contract an illness?"

The question gave him pause. "I don't know. I guess--as often as anyone."

"Specifically, when was the last time you were ill?"

"I don't know." He had to bite his tongue to keep from cursing. Professionalism had been his feedback when he was accepted into the program. He had really wanted to tell them then that they could go fuck themselves. Translators weren't in the public eye anyway. But he needed this job. He just didn't need this reptile probing him with weird questions. Fuck, when was the last time he had been sick? He could remember looking after Karen when she got colds, when she got the flu last year, and she had scolded him for kissing her, because what if he got sick next? The only thing he could remember-- "Food poisoning," he said at last. "Uh, senior year of college. Four buddies and me went to a bad choice of restaurant. They all ended up in the hospital."

"And you?" Larocque pressed.

He shrugged. "I was cradling the toilet for eight hours or so. It was miserable."

"Only eight hours for food poisoning, when all your friends were in the hospital for--how long?"

His shrug came stiffer. It hurt his shoulders to make the gesture. His stomach tightened again, knotting in on itself like a low throb of warning. "I don't really remember. They got their stomachs pumped and they were dehydrated so--a day? Two?" He could taste the lie. One of his friends had nearly died, and was there for a week. The other two spent four days wretched and pale. They had sued the restaurant and won enough money that the one who had treaded the veil decided he didn't need to find a job, and bought a house instead. Harding hadn't been a part of all that. He had never even told a doctor that he had been ill. It hadn't seemed to do any harm.

Larocque made a note on his clipboard. "And that was how long ago now? Four, five years?" he guessed.

Harding felt his shoulders jerk in another harsh shrug. It felt as if his muscles were trying to tear themselves free of the bone.

"And before that? Or since then? Any allergies?"

"Nope. Not that I've found yet. Why? Do you think I'm some sort of superhuman cockroach or something?"

"Precisely that."

Harding opened his mouth to speak, but his tongue was dry, and he snapped his teeth shut again. What the fuck was he supposed to say to that?

"What about injuries?" the doctor went on. "Any broken bones?"

"I broke my arm when I was a kid. I got a papercut this morning." He held up his hand to show the mark on his finger, but the line was so thin it was nearly invisible, and the skin was barely torn. He had a hard time finding where it had happened to begin with. "Fuck, I was in a car accident two years ago and had a concussion. Ripped my head open on the steering wheel." He tilted his head slightly, running his fingers along a scar just at his hairline, faded and smooth. "I'm not a man of steel or anyth--can you back up?"

But Larocque had closed the distance between them, and took Harding's head between his thin hands. His fingers were cold. Harding tried to pull back, but he was held like a vice, and the doctor inspected the scar with such intensity that he had to wonder if the reptile also possessed laser vision or something.

"Fascinating," the doctor breathed at last. "A scar this healed would take decades for a normal individual. You had stitches on this wound, yes?"

"Twelve staples."

"Incredible. The marks have completely vanished. If your body already possesses this sort of accelerated healing, then it should only grow stronger once we begin the treatment."

Harding finally jerked himself free of Larocque's probing hands, and all-but fell off the metal table to get away from him. "The fuck do you mean, treatment?"

"I have your paperwork to sign first, of course. We will need your informed consent to begin." Larocque's dark eyes were glittering, and he had the giddy appearance of a schoolboy that had found a particularly large worm on the playground, and couldn't wait to pull it apart to watch both ends wiggle bloody death throes. "I'll have it all sent to your desk. I suggest you finish your current project quickly. We start treatments on Monday."

Tag list:

@fatal-blow @gingerly-writing @rrrawrf-writes @pied-piper-of-hamlet @inkstarlight

As always, let me know if you want to be added or removed!

#excerpt #writeblr #horseshoes and hand grenades #harding #larocque #hippocrates #honestly this book is going to be so much fun just because it's very much harding's voice #and he's so snarky #and so weird #i love him #he's so YOUNG here

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omfgtrump · 4 years ago

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Bail to The Chief

With The Don banished, silenced on Twitter and other social media, and left only to spread lies about his golf game, this was the time to cut the head off the orange snake. After all, the snake was being served up on a platter with the sign: Convict and Banish.

Mitch McConnell, a snake of different color, saw an opportunity to lead the beheading. In his conniving manner, he intimated he would be willing to consider bringing the ax down. But a funny thing happened. Talk of challenging his leadership role spooked him and he joined 44 other Republicans to try to cancel the trial completely. The “Grim Reaper” also wanted to avoid a scenario where his cronies would publicly be on record with their vote, as for now, big business has decided they won’t throw money into Republican coffers for supporting the “Big Lie” and failure to denounce The Don’s actions. (We will see how long that lasts!)

Though there is precedent for impeachment trials after a public official leaves office, the Republicans decided to continue their odious sycophancy. And anyway, what’s all the hubbub about instigation of an insurrection. Just a few dead police officers (two by suicide), 140 injured, confederate flags carried through the halls of the Capitol, a guy wearing an Auschwitz t-shirt, threats to lawmakers lives and and a lively chant of “hang Mike Pence” for good measure. As I said, what’s all the hubbub?

In fact, The Don’s legal team decided to jump ship because he insisted that they use the “they stole the election defense.” Imagine arguing that the election was a fraud, stolen from The Don, so it was his right to incite a riot to take back what was properly his. So in other words, “Yeah, he did it, but you can’t steal stuff from people and not expect someone to fight back!”

Let’s face it folks, if many Republicans are still propagating the “Big Lie,” that Biden is an illegitimate president, and instigating an insurrection against your own government doesn’t rise to the level of convict and banish, then any hope of sanity and unity is gone.

When members of congress do not feel safe in their work place because of menacing colleagues, we have arrived at a dark place.

At a press conference Nancy Pelosi, someone who was a target of the rioters, stated it very clearly: “The enemy is within.”

This quote from A.O.C. directed at Ted Cruz regarding their mutual support of the anti-Wall street populism of the “Game Stop” stock extravaganza says it all.

“I am happy to work with Republicans on this issue where there’s common ground, but you almost had me murdered 3 weeks ago so you can sit this one out,” she responded. “Happy to work w/ almost any other GOP that aren’t trying to get me killed. In the meantime if you want to help, you can resign.” Talk about speaking truth to power!

Cruz, the poster child for unity, response was to cry foul and state that A.O.C.’s anger stoked further division.

Mr. Unity, what have you got to say about fellow Republican, Qanon lady, Marjorie Taylor Greene, who, in an October 2020 video surfaced recently by Mother Jones, said that the “only way you get your freedoms back is it’s earned with the price of blood.”

What’s that I hear? Umm! Thought so. So you can take your cry for unity and shove it up your ass. You are scum. A sniveling, conniving, morally bankrupt opportunist who gives a shit about no one but yourself and desire for power. And that goes for you too, Josh Hawley.

Lady Q has also repeatedly claimed in multiple videos and social media posts that several school shooting massacres were “false flag” events perpetrated by government officials in an attempt to drum up support for gun control laws.

Lady Q has implicated anti-Semitic conspiracy theories that a Jewish owned international investment banking firm, Rothschild, Inc. was somehow involved in creating the devastating fires in California this past summer and suggested the fire was caused by a beam from “space solar generators.”

Cori Bush, a black, newly elected congresswomen from St. Louis, felt so threatened by Lady Q, that she asked for her office, which was located next to Lady Q’s, to be moved.

And then there is Kevin McCarthy, House Minority Leader, making a pilgrimage to Mar-a-Lago, to lick the soles of The Don’s shoes to ask for forgiveness for ever turning against him. McCarthy’s response to the dangerous conspiracy theory Q Lady was to appointment her to the Education Committee, where she will promote curriculum that promulgates theories that the Jews are behind everything that is wrong with America and for that matter, the world. Heil Hitler, sister Q.

Let’s imagine that conversation K.M.’s conversation with The Don:

K.M. Mr. President.

The Don: It’s about time you showed up. I had you on my list of who to primary.

K.M. Mr. President, Mr. President, I don’t know what got into me. Maybe I was drugged by A.O.C. Marjorie told me that I must have been zapped by a mind control laser beam sent by some Jew that rearranged my thoughts. Do you forgive me? Please forgive me, Mr. President. We need you. You are our fearless leader.

The Don: On your hands and knees Kevin.

K.M. But Mr. Pres..

The Don: Shut up and lick.

K.M: But Mr. Pres…

The Don: Shut up and lick…thatta boy.

K.M. Mr. President. Why are you pulling down your pants?

The Don: Remember all that talk about the pee tapes in the Steele report in the hoax Russia investigation? Well they were true!

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#IFTTT #WordPress #trump #politics #potus #capital hill #washington dc #white house #america #usa

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tswiftdaily · 6 years ago

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New Reputation: Taylor Swift shares intel on TS7, fan theories, and her next era

Snakes begone. The 29-year-old superstar is back with a new album and a new outlook on life. We go inside the pop monarch's latest chapter.

THE PALM TREES ARRIVED IN FEBRUARY, seven in all, set against a pastel blue backdrop with superimposed stars. It appeared that a new Taylor Swift era was upon us — that the old happy-go-lucky Taylor was not, in fact, dead. Or did it? It wasonly an Instagram photo, just one more picture in an infinite content scroll. But it also came from a pop star known for prodigious hint-dropping, whose fans turn every piece of info into an online archaeological dig.

As expected, the summery post sent Swifties sifting through each detail with a fine-tooth comb. What did the trees symbolize? An overdue vacation? A recently purchased beach house? A secret palm-frond collection? Or maybe, as many surmised, it was new music. One Twitter user predicted that the number of stars in the background of the photo hinted at a single drop: “There’s about 60/61 [stars]️. There’s 61 days until April 26, FRIDAY, a SINGLE RELEASE day!” Another said it was the unofficial announcement of her next LP: “Okay so in this picture there are 4 palm trees on the left (4 country albums). There are two palm trees on the right (2 pop albums). There is one large palm tree in the middle. This represents her new album.” These may sound like ludicrous conspiracy theories — for the record, they were mostly correct — but they fit firmly within the Taylor Swift Musical Universe (it’s like the Marvel Cinematic Universe but with more guitars and fewer Stan Lee cameos).

“I posted that the day that I finished the seventh album,” says Swift about the photo. “I couldn’t expect [my fans] to know that. I figured they’d figure it out later, but a lot of their theories were actually correct. Those Easter eggs were just trying to establish that tone, which I foreshadowed ages ago in a Spotify vertical video for ‘Delicate’ by painting my nails those [pastel] colors.”

It’s now April, and the 29-year-old pop star is in a Los Angeles photo studio, giving her first sit-down magazine interview in three years. She wants to discuss the art of placing hints inside her work, as well as the upcoming record, which she recorded as soon as she finished the Reputation Tour. She’s also keen on detailing her own obsessions, talking up the TV shows, books, and songs that help shape her outlook on life.

Over the past 13 years, Swift has perfected the pop culture feedback loop: She shares updates about her life and drops hints about new music, which fans then gobble up and re-promote with their own theories, which Swift then re-shares on her Tumblr or incorporates into future clues. It’s like a T-Swift-built Escher staircase of personal memories and moments that tease what’s next. “I’ve trained them to be that way,” she says of her fans’ astute detective work. Swift is a pop culture fanatic herself (see: the jean jacket she’s wearing on the EW cover) and has an innate understanding of the lengths her audience will go to be a part of the original creation. “I love that they like the cryptic hint-dropping. Because as long as they like it, I’ll keep doing it. It’s fun. It feels mischievous and playful.”

Through this approach, Swift has designed the ultimate artistic scavenger hunt — and it’s easy to get swept up in its drama, even if you don’t listen to her music. Her moments aren’t always hidden, either. Sometimes Swift highlights aspects of her world just so fans feel like they’re on the journey with her. Like the time in March 2018 when pop singer Hayley Kiyoko was accused of shading Swift after mentioning her name during an interview. On Tumblr, Swift re-shared a fan’s post, adding commentary that defended Kiyoko, which immediately dispelled any conflicts between the two artists; Swift’s post subsequently received more than 29,000 notes. Four months later, she invited Kiyoko on stage during the Reputation Tour to sing her hit “Curious.” Kiyoko returned the favor when she had Swift join her that December at a benefit on behalf of the LGBTQ organization the Ally Coalition to perform “Delicate.” Fans of both artists were elated by the mutual support.

The feedback loop also extends outside of music. In October 2018, Swift broke her silence about politics by publicly endorsing two candidates for office in her adopted state of Tennessee, while encouraging her followers to register to vote. She kept up the civic momentum through Election Day when she asked fans to post selfies after voting; Swift then eagerly re-promoted her favorites on Instagram stories.

This practice of sharing and re-sharing and sharing again is why listeners consider Swift one of the world’s most accessible pop stars, someone willing to not only interact with her audience but invite them to secret listening sessions, or make the occasional surprise visit to their wedding or prom. It’s a symbiotic relationship, one that, as Swift tells EW, helped her dig out of the darker era of reputation. “It’s definitely the fans that made that tonal shift in the way I was feeling,” she says. “Songwriters need to communicate, and part of communicating correctly is when you put out a message that is understood the way you meant it. reputation was interesting because I’d never before had an album that wasn’t fully understood until it was seen live. When it first came out everyone thought it was just going to be angry; upon listening to the whole thing they realized it’s actually about love and friendship, and finding out what your priorities are.”

Then, during the Reputation Tour, she had an epiphany: that despite the caricature that she thought had been created of her, there were many people who saw what others had simply refused to. “I would look out into the audience and I’d see these amazing, thoughtful, caring, wonderful, empathetic people,” she says. “So often with our takedown culture, talking s— about a celebrity is basically the same as talking s— about the new iPhone. So when I go and I meet fans, I see that they actually see me as a flesh-and-blood human being. That — as contrived as it may sound — changed [me] completely, assigning humanity to my life.”

At tour’s end, she channeled that positive energy into the studio, recording the new album in just under three months. But the fast pace won’t mean a short LP. Swift confirmed that her seventh record (she hasn’t announced a title yet; the working nickname among fans is TS7) will include more songs than any of her previous releases. “I try not to go into making an album with any expectation,” she says. “I started to write so much that I knew immediately it would probably be bigger.”

The project will also feature a mix of old and new collaborators (on the candy-coated lead single “ME!” Swift brought in Panic! At the Disco frontman Brendon Urie and coproducer Joel Little, both of whom she had never worked with), but she is unsurprisingly coy about doling out much more information, as if doing so would break the carefully honed T-Swiftian feedback loop. “There’s a lot of a lot on this album,” she says. “I’m trying to convey an emotional spectrum. I definitely don’t wanna have too much of one thing…. You get some joyful songs and you get the bops, as they say.” There’s also, she adds, some “really, really, really, really sad songs,” but “not enough to where you need to worry about me.”

She gives us one more clue: The true distinction between TS7 and reputation is in the delivery. “This time around I feel more comfortable being brave enough to be vulnerable, because my fans are brave enough to be vulnerable with me. Once people delve into the album, it’ll become pretty clear that that’s more of the fingerprint of this — that it’s much more of a singer-songwriter, personal journey than the last one.”

The past month has seen a deluge of Swift activity, from the release of the new single to dropping more hints in interviews about the record and its title, which is apparently hidden somewhere inside the “ME!” music video (current fan guesses include Kaleidoscope and Daisy). But if the Easter eggs from the pop star seem like a business-as-usual routine, she says this album does indeed mark a new era of her life, where she’s been better able to prioritize what’s important to her.

“Our priorities can get messed up existing in a society that puts a currency on curating the way people see your life,” she says. “Social media has given people a way to express their art. I use it to connect with fans. But on the downside you feel like there are 3 trillion new invisible hoops that you have to jump through, and you feel like you’ll never be able to jump through them all correctly. I — along with a lot of my friends and fans — am trying to figure out how to navigate living my life and not just curating what I want people to think living my life is. I’m not always able to maintain a balance, and I think that’s important for everyone to know about. We’re always learning, and that’s something that I also had to learn — that I’ve got to be brave enough to learn. Learning in public is so humiliating sometimes…. Do I feel more balanced in my life than I ever have before? Um, probably yeah. But is that permanent? No. And I think being okay with that has put me in a bit of a better position.” Strong words to live by, to quote, to re-share, to tweet back to her, and see if she’ll respond.

(x)

#taylor swift #ew #interview #article #ts7

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purplesurveys · 5 years ago

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864

What was your last facebook status? Hmm I share posts a lot and add my own captions, but I never upload my own statuses unless I’m changing my profile photo. That being said, my last post involved making fun of our military. What color is the wall in your kitchen? All our walls are white, but there’s a part of the kitchen where the lower half of the wall is made up of coral-ish tiles. Last time you were in a group shot? My best guess would be late April when we took a family photo for my parents’ 23rd wedding anniversary. Other than that, my phone tells me that the last group shot I took with my friends was taken on February 7th. Damn. Last time you dressed formally? I think it was Feb 2017 because that was the last debut I remember going to. At what age did you go through puberty? I was a bit of an early bird lol, I got my period a few weeks after turning 10.

Last time you got an xray? 2016. I needed multiple medical tests before I was allowed to enroll in my university, and it was during those tests that doctors found out I have scoliosis so I needed some X-rays done for the school to see if PE was gonna be a problem for me. What is the stupidest show on television? I don’t watch a lot of TV these days but uhhhh I never saw the appeal of reality shows that have some dating gimmick. Do you enjoy photo editing? Nah. I’ve never understood how Photoshop works. Do you pluck/wax your eyebrows? I pluck them because of anxiety, not because of maintenance. Have you ever owned a blacklight? Sure. When I was a kid I loooooved invisible pen + blacklight kits; always thought they were the coolest thing and they always made me feel like a big badass detective haha. Do you own a coloring book? Yessssss. I’m pretty sure this blog was able to cover my coloring phase two years ago. I haven’t touched my coloring books in a while, but that just means I’ve been doing okay. And that’s a real good thing. Do you shop at a dollar store? Obviously not, but we do have stores that kinda have the same gimmick. One that I can think of is Daiso (it’s actually a Japanese chain but whatever) which sells most of their stuff at ₱88. If I need something for the short-term, I’ll sometimes get it from there. Do you do any winter sports? ...No. Which is worse: Snakes, Scorpions or Spiders? I’ll go with scorpions, because I had an uncle who kept this scorpion figurine and always told me scary stories about them, so for the longest time I’ve associated scorpions with danger and venom and just generally the feeling of being scared of them. Is there an attic and/or a basement in your house? We have neither.

Do you own duct tape? My parents probably have a roll in their room but I have no reason to have one of my own. Do you own a jack knife? Nope. When was the last time you ordered something online? November. I was buying Christmas presents.

Have you ever been bitten by a tick? No, but they’ve walked on me before. I'm always able to feel and catch them, though. Do you prefer blackberries or raspberries? No preference. What color is your mom’s car? I’m not actually sure who pays for our cars, but our main family cars are white and blue-greenish. Do you like flavored water? I’ve never had it before and I’m not interested. I drink water because I find its tasteless-ness refreshing, so to drink water with flavor is super pointless to me. Do you watch wrestling? You asked the right person ;) Hahaha I love wrestling, but I can’t say that I watch recent episodes. I don’t find the storylines as captivating these days, so it has also meant that I mostly don’t know who the newer wrestlers are anymore. But even if that’s the case, I’m never completely away from wrestling because I still subscribe to wrestling-themed YouTube channels and stay updated with wrestling news sites.

Do you enjoy cranberry juice? No, but my mom is nuts about them. We always have two or three bottles of cranberry juice in the fridge at a time. I personally think it smells terrible, but I don’t like fruits. Do you drink? Yes. Do you have unwanted facial hair? Nope. Do you know the difference between "possum" and "oppossum"?` No. Have you ever had a bird or a squirrel in your house? I’ve had countless birds sit on my windowsill, but they never went inside. We don’t have squirrels. What label would you give your clothing style? Soft girl, trendy, chic. How far away is the closest mall? Two minutes away from the main entrance of our village. How many gingers do you know? Zero. Do people often misspell your name? Yes, but I don’t make a fuss about it because to be fair, mine is the uncommon spelling of the name. I do get annoyed when people *who already know me* still misspell it, though. What is your sexual orientation? Demi. At least that’s the one that makes most sense to me in the meantime. I prefer not to put a label on myself.

Do you know another language? Yes indeed. Do you think sloths are cute? Sure, but there are cuter animals. Are you reading a book currently? Not at the moment, but I really should find another memoir to read. How many hours do you work a week? 0. How high off the ground is your bed? Idk, it’s standard bed height lol. It’s high enough for me not to allow Cooper to start jumping off of it yet, but low enough for my feet to reach the floor. Do you have a tv in your room? I used to; the PS3 also used to be in my room for some reason. Once we noticed that my brother would always come over my room to use my TV and the PS3, we just moved both things to his room. Do you wear a lot of plaid? I wore a plaid skirt everyday from kindergarten to high school. I don’t think I’ve worn plaid since. I didn’t end up hating the pattern but I do just need a fucking break from it lol What do you think about gauged ears? Personally not a fan. It makes me wince :( But like I always say, you do you. Do you text a lot? I used to, before the quarantine. There’s no reason to get load now that I’m just at home all day, all week, and all month, so I’ve stopped texting indefinitely. How often do you go camping? I’ve never even been. What is the cutest breed of dog? I find all of them cute except for chihuahuas and pugs. I also feel bad for some mixed-breeds like golden retriever corgis... Do you own a cat? My sister used to. I never had one of my own. What are the initials of your high school? AA. What are your initials? RIAC. Do you do dishes by hand or dish washer? By hand. I don’t know any one Filipino house that has a dishwasher lol that’s definitely always been a first-world concept to me.

#survey #surveys

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path-of-my-childhood · 6 years ago

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New Reputation: Taylor Swift shares intel on TS7, fan theories, and her next era

By: Alex Suskind for Entertainment Weekly Date: May 9th 2019

Snakes begone. The 29-year-old superstar is back with a new album and a new outlook on life. We go inside the pop monarch's latest chapter.

THE PALM TREES ARRIVED IN FEBRUARY, seven in all, set against a pastel blue backdrop with superimposed stars. It appeared that a new Taylor Swift era was upon us — that the old happy-go-lucky Taylor was not, in fact, dead. Or did it? It was only an Instagram photo, just one more picture in an infinite content scroll. But it also came from a pop star known for prodigious hint-dropping, whose fans turn every piece of info into an online archaeological dig.

“Our priorities can get messed up existing in a society that puts a currency on curating the way people see your life,” she says. “Social media has given people a way to express their art. I use it to connect with fans. But on the downside you feel like there are 3 trillion new invisible hoops that you have to jump through, and you feel like you’ll never be able to jump through them all correctly. I — along with a lot of my friends and fans — am trying to figure out how to navigate living my life and not just curating what I want people to think living my life is. I’m not always able to maintain a balance, and I think that’s important for everyone to know about. We’re always learning, and that’s something that I also had to learn — that I’ve got to be brave enough to learn. Learning in public is so humiliating sometimes… Do I feel more balanced in my life than I ever have before? Um, probably yeah. But is that permanent? No. And I think being okay with that has put me in a bit of a better position.” Strong words to live by, to quote, to re-share, to tweet back to her, and see if she’ll respond.

You can read the original article HERE.

#the whole thing =)#taylor swift #interview #entertainment weekly #by taylor

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langdvnshepherd · 6 years ago

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Lilo (Jim Mason x fem!reader)

Word Count: 4.4k

Warnings: sub!Jim, fem!reader, angst city baby (this is sad as fuck I'm sorry I had to do it to em), mentions of drug use, smut, tummy riding, cockwarming, fluff (I suppose), the timeline for TTOPV is slightly off in this but it’s not too far gone

A/N: Oop sorry I haven’t posted in a hot minute, but I’m back! This has been in my drafts since like....three weeks after I started this blog, I just never got around to finishing it until now. Loosely inspired by Lilo by The Japanese House! I love this song so much, and it reminded me of Jim for some reason??? Anyways, here ya go! As always, let me know what you think! Send any requests or comments my way.

The vibrations of her cell phone rattling against the nightstand broke her concentration away from her laptop. She’d spent the hot, summer evening indoors picking out curtains and area rugs that would match the bedspread of her new apartment. After deciding she’d procrastinated long enough, she forced herself to hunker down and finalize any last minute details before she transferred universities and moved away from Palos Verdes.

A photo of her boyfriend illuminated her phone’s screen. It was one of her favorites: his mouth hung open and head thrown back in the middle of a laugh, nose scrunched, eyes closed and crinkled at the corners. She could recall the origin of the photo vividly. The two of them had made a day trip down the coast to a beach where he swore the waves were better, but she couldn’t tell a difference. In the exact moment that she’d raised her camera, a seagull swooped down and snatched her sunglasses right off of her head, sending him into a contagious giggle fit. She missed that smile. It was genuine and loving, and not something she saw very often these days. He seemed like he’d been holding his breath lately; like something was bothering him, but he wasn’t ready to talk about it just yet.

A deep sigh left her body as she pressed the phone to her ear.

“Hello?”

“Hey, Y/N.” He already sounded upset. She could hear his heavy breathing through the speaker and the slamming of a door in the background. A stirring feeling rose in her stomach at the thought of what the reasoning was behind his phone call.

“Hi, Jim.” She didn’t want to set him off, which had been happening a lot recently. The fights with his mother had been occurring what seemed like every day now, withering his patience down to the point of nonexistence. Either that or he had gotten into it with one of the boys down by the beach; they always managed to get him fired up in a hurry.

“Are your parents home?”

“No, they left this morning to help my grandparents move. Why? You want to come over?”

He was quiet for a moment. The sounds of his shallow breaths being the only noise in the otherwise awkward silence.

“Uh...yeah. Can I actually stay over? I miss you.” His voice grew softer as he spoke, as if he felt bad for even asking. He slept over frequently, and he knew he didn’t have to ask before stopping by. The ‘I miss you’ at the end was just out of habit, she knew that wasn’t the reason. If she had to guess, it was Sandy. She always managed to send him over the edge. It tore her up inside to picture the heartbroken look on his face every time she hurled insult after insult at him.

“Of course. I’m in my room. The key’s in the flower pot, just let yourself in.”

“Yeah, okay,” he paused before he spoke again. “I’ll be over soon... Love you.”

“Love you too, Jimmy.” She locked her phone before tossing it across the comforter and flopping down on the bed on her back.

This wasn’t how she’d planned to spend her evening. She was hoping to finish the night off with a bubble bath and a face mask, not keeping Jim company while he sobbed into her chest. It wasn’t that he annoyed her, that was quite the opposite. She was transferring universities after having been accepted into a research program in her field of interest. But leaving town and moving out of her parent’s house also meant that she’d be leaving Jim behind when she went.

She’d tried to convince him so many times to come with her, to get out of Palos Verdes and away from the toxicity of his fucked up family. He always insisted that he didn’t have a choice, that he had to stay here. Despite how cruel his mother could be towards him, he fully believed that she wouldn’t make it without him and that Medina would be left to endure her wrath if he left. Leaving Jim, as inevitable as it was, was the last thing she wanted to think about. She’d kept it on the back-burner of her brain for as long as she could manage. Having him there, in her room, would make all of those feelings resurface and allow panic to take over.

When Jim didn’t show after half an hour, she began to worry. She’d assumed when he called and she heard the door slam that it meant he’d be right over, but there was still no sign of him. This only further provoked the dark thoughts that lurked within her. She’d never confronted him about it, but she knew he had a problem with pills. At first, she’d only ever seen him take them at parties. Assuming mixed with alcohol it made for a more fun high, she didn’t think anything of it. He was giggly and touchy and chatty, and she didn’t mind. It was how she’d met him in the first place. Her friend introduced her to him at one of her famous beach bashes the same week Jim first moved to Palos Verdes, where party drugs were in abundance. ‘You’ll love him!’ she drunkenly exclaimed that hot, muggy night. Boy, was she right.

She first began to notice little changes in his behavior when shit hit the fan with his parents. He was impatient, agitated all of the time. His eyes were always slightly glassy, his jaw always rigid. Even if it was just the two of them watching a movie in his room, he’d always be slightly sticky, a thin veil of sweat covering the curves and ridges of his soft skin. She’d seen him like this plenty of times, but never in a casual setting. He’d brush off any remarks of hers, insisting that she need not worry.

The fallout between his parents had taken a huge toll on him, he had to replace his father and coddle his mother day and night. He’d spent plenty of nights curled into a ball in her lap while she ran her fingers through his hair. She was never sure of exactly what to say to him to make him feel better, so she settled on just being there for him, which he never seemed to mind. Jim typically opened up when he was ready to talk, so she stayed quiet even though watching him self-destruct was eating away at her soul.

Another hour went by, and still no Jim. She figured he’d run off with the boys from the beach doing god knows what, or maybe he just forgot. Trying not to let her mind jump to conclusions, she figured it was best to just go to sleep. Hopefully, he’d show up later.

The sound of her bedroom door creaking open pulled her out of her light sleep. Opening one eye, she peeked over her shoulder to see Jim tip-toeing his way into her room, a failed attempt at trying not to wake her. He didn’t say anything when he caught her staring as he shrugged off his clothes, stripping down to just his boxers that only recently started to hang loosely from his hips. He only gave her a brief smile, one that she could barely make out in the darkness of her room.

“Hey, you. What took you so long? I was starting to think you forgot about me.” she asked him as she shifted your position on the bed, lifting her comforter and inviting him into the warmth of the blanket. Jim immediately wrapped his arms around her, tangling his legs into hers. He nuzzled his nose into her neck, “Just like a little puppy,” she’d always teased. He let out what seemed to be a sigh of relief before speaking.

“Same old shit. I tried to leave, and my mom stopped me. Screaming fit. Had to wait before her meds to knock her out before I snuck out the window.” His voice was slightly hoarse, signifying he'd been crying as much he had apparently been yelling. It wasn’t until she pulled her head away from Jim’s chest to look at his face that she saw the wetness on his cheeks. It glimmered in the moonlight that peaked through her window like crystal.

She took his head in both of her hands, gently rubbing his tears away with the pads of her thumbs. He peered at her with swollen eyes as he brushed the tips of his fingers up and down her bare sides, exposed from where her T-shirt had ridden up in bed. For a brief moment, they were both just staring at each other. Not saying anything. Not moving. Secretly, she was scanning his face for any indication that he was high. He didn’t seem to be, which made her exhale deeply and give him a sympathetic smile. She figured it was now or never, she had to pry and make him open up to her. He can’t keep doing this to himself, and she couldn’t leave Palos Verdes without knowing Jim would be okay without her.

Just as she parted her lips to speak, Jim closed her mouth off with his. It was as if he knew exactly what she was going to say and he wanted to stop her in her tracks. She felt him shakily exhale into her mouth as she snaked her arms around his neck, finally feeling at ease in her embrace after being on edge all night. Without giving her time to react, he deepened the kiss, pulling tougher on her lips and gripping his hands around her waist. She moaned softly into his mouth as he continued to feel her up, sliding one hand into the back of her panties to rest flat against the skin of her ass and keeping the other wrapped tightly around her waist. She wanted to resist him, to make him talk to her, but it was clear that he wasn’t going to comply.

He removed his hand from her underwear with a snap of the waistband, then wrapped his arm around the back of her thigh to pull her on top of him. Once she was fully straddled across Jim’s waist, she pulled back to look at him. Fresh tears were falling from his ocean colored eyes. He was quick to catch them, to rub at his face with one of his hands to disperse the running droplets from his cheeks, but she was quicker. She reached out and took his hands in hers, forcing him to look her in the eyes.

“Talk to me, Jim,” she muttered in all but a whisper, “What’s wrong?”

He tried to look away from her. At the ceiling. At her tv. At her bedroom door. He didn’t say anything, he didn’t have to. His eyes were pleading. Don’t do this, they exerted.

With his hands still interlocked with hers, he held them close to his chest, the familiar thumping of Jim’s heartbeat pulsing through her fingertips as he spoke.

“Nothing’s wrong. I just...need you.”

Sighing in defeat, she got the hint. Now wasn’t the time. He was lying through his teeth, but she felt he might crumble beneath her if she pried too hard.

She leaned down slowly, pecking small kisses along his jaw.

“What do you need from me?” she baited, teasing him in a way. She knew exactly what he needed her to do, she just wanted him to say it.

Jim ran his hands from the small of her back down to her ass, softly pushing her against him. The course lace of her panties rubbing so closely near his crotch sent blood rushing to his cock, hardening with each roll of her hips. She sighed heavily, savoring the desperation in his movements. He moved her slowly, but it was just the way he liked it. The way he liked her. Slow and sweet.

“Need to be inside of you,” he mustered in between manual, deep breaths. His chest still felt heavy from crying only hours ago, exhaustion threatening to take over. It was taking everything in him not to collapse, to shatter like a fragile house of cards. He needed something, anything to distract him from the swelling of emotions in his own brain.

Nodding slightly, almost unrecognizably, she leaned down once more to pepper tight, close-mouthed kisses starting from the beauty mark on his upper lip down to the hollow of his throat. Her kisses grew sloppier, wetter as she worked her way down, making sure to pay extra attention to his sweet spot that she knew so well.

She set her own rhythm now, not relying on Jim’s hands to work her up and down the curves of his tummy. Pressing herself harder against him than before, she felt a damp spot pooling in her panties near her core. His breath caught in his throat with every rut of her hips. She could feel the slight tremor in his movements as he involuntarily jutted upwards into nothing. He was desperate to feel any kind of friction against his cock, and she was enjoying every second of it.

There was no way for her to explain how wet she was at this moment. It was almost sadistic, she thought. Here Jim was, clearly and visibly upset at something, and she was getting a rise out of his vulnerability, depriving him of the one thing she knew could calm him down. A vulnerability that only she had the privilege of seeing.

To others, Jim Mason was a hardass, the life of the party, the one that was always “down for whatever.” He was never one to come across as hopeless or as someone that was even slightly unhappy. It was a side effect of living in Palos Verdes, he had once told her. Everyone puts up a front and carries themselves in a demeanor that implies that their lives are peachy-fucking-keen when they all knew that couldn’t be further from the truth.

The Jim Mason she knew, the one that was lying beneath her right now, was weak. His home life was a fucking disaster. He walked into a different shit show every night and often had no recollection of what he’d even eaten for breakfast because of the pills he jammed down his throat like candy, or if he’d even eaten at all. It wasn’t his fault, not entirely anyway. There was no stability, no person to anchor him down and keep him from completely losing himself. Except her. He loved Medina with all his heart, but he knew that his sister was growing tired of him, of his bullshit. Just like everyone else in Palos Verdes. She was the only one that offered him any kind of tranquility and control in his life, and she knew it.

Maybe that was it. Maybe it was the fact that she knew she was the only person that truly held any kind of power over Jim, the only one that he’d allowed, and that’s what had her core pulsing beneath her, matching her racing heartbeat that she felt in her ears. Knowing what Jim was like when the curtains fell. Knowing just now needy he really was, how badly he needed someone to control him in order to feel whole.

Or maybe she was mad at him, and this was her passive-aggressive way of telling him to fuck off. This wasn’t the first and certainly wouldn’t be the last time that Jim would tip-toe around talking to her about his feelings. She fucking hated it. She loved him so much, and he loved her just the same. She didn’t understand why he was always making bullshit excuses about what made him upset or why he would have random outbursts of rage when he could have handled the situation in a much healthier way by simply talking to her. Especially when they both knew she’d be gone by the end of the summer. There would be no one to take care of him, at least not in the way she did, and it drove her mad that he closed himself off from her right before she left. She knew it was hypocritical, to be mad at him for not conveying his emotions properly and doing the same exact thing in return by not bringing this up to him. But holding the reins over Jim, in some fucked up way, made her feel like she could punish him for it.

She decided it was a little bit of both. Or something else entirely.

It felt all too delicious, the way she was grinding against his tanned torso, leaning back to brace herself against the meat of his thighs. Her panties were pushed aside now, folds gliding effortlessly back and forth, coating Jim’s stomach in a thin layer of her wetness. She felt his cock brush against her backside each time she pushed back; he was hard as a rock and undoubtedly throbbing as she made sure to occasionally glide herself over him just partially, enough to elicit something between a groan and a moan from the depths of Jim’s chest.

She’d lost track of time, too focused on the way Jim’s eyelashes were fluttering like the wings of a butterfly, still coated with the remnants of his tears. He was beautiful as he panted beneath her, small whines leaving his lips as he grew more desperate for relief against his aching erection.

He pulled her back down to his level by her hair with a roughness that he only ever used on her when he really, really needed her.

“Please, Y/N,” he begged.

She looked at him for a moment before responding with whatever smartass comment she’d use to taunt him even more like she always did. He looked so exhausted. His cheekbones were hollowed out, less full than they had been just shy of a year ago when they graduated high school. His eyes, while she hadn’t noticed before, were hollow, the sockets sunken in and noticeable even in the sliver of light that came from her window. He was sad. There was no other way to put it. He was withering away, and she’d been passive and allowed it to happen.

All of her anger she’d been convinced was driving her seized. She had to fix him, she told herself. She had to make sure he was going to make it without her in Palos Verdes because she had a feeling the odds weren’t that high if he kept doing whatever he was doing when he was away from her.

She ran her fingers through his thick, brown waves, gritty-feeling in between her digits from the sea salt that permanently lingered in the air. Her lips met his softly, just barely massaging them with her tongue.

“It’s okay. I’ve got you Jimmy,” her own voice trembled this time.

Sliding off of her position on his stomach, she began to pump Jim’s length with her hand. She could see the sticky trail of her cum that she left behind on his tummy as she moved over to straddle his legs. His breath hitched in his throat as she gripped him in her small hands, finally feeling a sliver of the high he’d been chasing all night. He bucked himself into her as she twisted her wrist slightly while she worked him.

“God, Y/N,” Jim whined, his eyes rolling back into his head.

She could tell he wasn’t going to last long, he never did when he acted like this - when he slipped into this headspace that rendered him absolutely useless and vulnerable. Her eyes locked with his as she released him from her hands, a gasp floated from his lips at the lack of stimulation. She braced her hands on his broad chest, lifting herself to hover just above his waist. He gripped her forearms in his large hands, steadying both her and himself.

She lifted her oversized t-shirt that was pooling around her knees just enough to push her panties to the side and guide Jim’s cock to her core. His tip ran along her folds as she maneuvered him into her, swirling around in her wetness to prepare for the stretch.

Slowly, like the creeping tide of the ocean, she inched her way down onto him. He was impossibly big; it felt like the first time for her every time. The sensation of Jim’s cock impaling her almost causing her to cry out, but she didn’t. When she was fully seated inside of him, she let out a breath she hadn’t known she was holding.

Taking his hands in hers once more, she began to roll her hips against his. The burn was all-consuming, she was unable to concentrate on anything apart from the heat radiating from her abdomen. Jim’s mouth hung open beneath her, forming a perfect “o”-shape with his glistening, spit-covered lips. He held onto her hands tightly as she picked up her speed, as if she was the buoy keeping him afloat.

For a while, the sounds of heavy panting and the wet squelching of Jim’s cock rutting in and out of her pulsing cunt were the only noises that filled the confines of the baby pink walls of her room at her parent’s house. She began to feel the familiar pull in her tummy and began chasing after it like a surfer chasing a wave, paddling faster and faster until she met the swell. She moved her hands to the rails of the headboard she’d had since she was 11, the posts occasionally knocking against the drywall with a bang.

Jim began to lose himself, temporarily forgetting the insanity of his life and fixated himself solely on the girl on top of him.

“Baby,” he panted in between her now relentless thrusts and moans, “I’m. Close.”

“Me too. Wait for me,” she commanded, gripping tighter on the headboard to move her hips more quickly into his throbbing cock.

She’d be surprised if she didn’t have bruises on her thighs tomorrow by how hard Jim was holding onto her; a symbol of how close he was, and how he was using all of his strength to wait for her and not give in to the release that he was right on the brink of falling into.

Snaking her hand under her large t-shirt once more, her fingers found her clit. She began rubbing harsh, sloppy circles around the swollen bundle of nerves, knowing good and well she didn’t have long before Jim fell apart. She closed her eyes, trying to focus on Jim’s cock and how it felt to be the only one that made him crumble like he was right now. Just as she felt she was making progress, Jim let out a prolonged grunt that made her stop in her tracks.

If it was possible, Jim squeezed her thighs even tighter as his release washed over him in waves, his hips sputtering beneath her. She felt the warmth of his seed coat her inner walls, then small strings running back out onto her inner thighs and Jim’s balls. He tensed up immediately, his face flushing red with embarrassment.

“Y/N, I’m so sorry I-”

“Shhh, it’s okay,” she reassured him, laying flat against his chest.

She cooed Jim in his ear, petting the damp hair that stuck to his forehead and pressing gentle kisses along his neck. He wrapped his arms around her waist, molding her body into his. All the while he was still inside of her. She could feel him softening after each passing second, but she didn’t bother slipping him out of her. Something inside her wanted him as close to her as possible, so she stayed put.

There was no telling how long they’d laid there. Jim’s heartbeat had steadied by now, she no longer felt the thumping next to her ear. He was still holding her, twisting strands of her hair in between his fingers. It was a nervous habit of his, one that he was never able to shake.

“Thank you,” he spoke up, just barely above a whisper, bursting the bubble of silence that had encased them.

“For what? That?”

“For being patient.”

She paused, her brain recollecting what he meant. She wished it was patience, but she knew that it wasn’t. She was scared, and that’s why she could never bring herself to make Jim talk. He was putty in her hands, it would have been easy to force him to open up, but she never did it. She couldn’t admit that she felt like she was abandoning him, just like everyone else in his life. No one was making her leave Palos Verdes and transfer to a new university, she wanted to. There was nothing in this washed up, artificial town for her anymore. Nothing besides Jim. But he wouldn’t come with her, they’d already had that argument, and she knew she’d get nowhere in her career staying in a city where looks supersede anything with real value. She was terrified that what she perceived as a selfish action would be the downfall of the boy she loved the most, there was nothing “patient” about it.

“I love you, Jim Mason. So fucking much,” she whispered, her fingers dancing around the dips of his collarbones.

“Love you too,” he answered. There was a sniffle in his voice, meaning fresh tears had fallen from his eyes, once blue as the ocean, now dark like a cloudy sky.

“We’re gonna have to talk about it soon, though. You know that, right?”

She knew what he thought she meant, that they needed to talk about his anger or his drug problem or that she was going to try to convince him to move away with her again, but only she knew what she really meant. She needed to know how he was going to survive without her.

“I know.” he shakily exhaled.

Exhausted, both physically and mentally, she reached out beside her to grab the comforter that had been strewn aside long ago. Covering herself and Jim in the feathery down of the duvet, she relaxed once more into his warm chest. She didn’t have many nights left with Jim, and she was dreading the last time she’d be able to fall asleep and wake up next to him.

Tagging:

@avesatanormalpeoplescareme @sloppy-little-witch-bitch26 @venusxxlangdon @aveiangdon @belusima @ccodyfern @readsalot73 @americanhorrorstudies @wroteclassicaly @gold-dragon-slayer@langdonsdemon @langdonshell @1-800-bitchcraft

#jim mason x reader #jim mason smut #jim mason #michael langdon x reader #duncan shepherd x reader #my writing #this was gonna go in like 10 different directions and i feel like you can definitely tell #oopsies!!!!!!!!!!!!

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surveys-at-your-service · 4 years ago

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Survey #361

“the world is a vampire, sent to drain”

Have you ever been through a phase of thinking emo guys were hot? A phase? Hunny, they're still hot lmao. Have you ever dated someone that could play an instrument? Yeah. Juan could play guitar, and Girt played I think the tuba in band. What’s so horrible about wearing leggings like pants? I've actually never understood why people freak about this. Like so long as they're not sheer and fit you fine, why exactly is this a problem...? Weirdest picture you’ve ever taken of yourself? Oh dear. When someone claims to be suicidal, do you take them seriously? FUCK you if you don't. Honest to god, fuck you. This is NOT something you just don't even blink at. Even if it's surprising to hear from that person, you take that shit seriously and try to talk to them about it. Ever been kicked out of anywhere? Colleen's house. Ever had Skittles vodka? No, but that shit sounds good. Ever punched someone in the face? No. If you haven’t, do you want to now? Uh, I'll pass. Do you truly HATE anyone? No one I know personally, but people like rapists, pedophiles, etc., I sure as hell do hate them. Most historical/famous landmark/building you’ve been to in your country? No clue. Favorite flavor for most things? Strawberry, watermelon, or blue raspberry, depending on what the thing is. Ever taken pictures in a photobooth? Who with? Yeah: Summer, Jason, and I'm pretty sure Sara and I did? What is the closest book to you? It's a full collection of Poe's poetry that Mom got me. Are you reading it or someone else? I'm not right now. I may eventually. Milkshakes or Sundaes? Hm, I gotta go with milkshakes. Do you like watermelons more or cherries? I'm not a fan of either, but I'd definitely pick watermelons over cherries. Who was the last person you ate with? My family and I went to Ichiban (a Japanese steakhouse that we have here where they cook directly in front of you) yesterday to celebrate Nicole's graduation. Do you prefer broccoli or asparagus? Broccoli. I hate asparagus. Do you have any bug bites? No. Do you have any flowers in your room? No. Do you know anyone that owns horses? Loosely, anyway. It's a family I took pictures for, and I still have the mother on Facebook. When you were little, did you ever go to feed the ducks? Yes, I LOVED doing that. Don't feed ducks bread, by the way. Have you seen any of the seven wonders of the world in person? No. Have you ever won anything out of one of those crane machines? Yeah. Can you remember being taught how to ride a bike? Was it hard for you? Yeah. I don't THINK it was too hard. Did you get carded the last time you ordered an alcoholic drink? No. Do you know anyone who uses medical marijuana? No, it's not legal here. Do you know anyone who’s died in childbirth? No. Which was the worst phase in your life? 2016 was. Towards the end of '15 was the breakup, and through aaaaaaall of 2016, I was just dead inside and totally useless. Every day I wanted to be dead. Can you remember your last dream? I had a nightmare some stupid kids were fucking with my snake Venus, so I was trying to protect her. Do you ever use Snapchat? No, I don't have one. What’s your favorite musical? I don't like musicals. What happened at the last party you went to? Summer prepared some little Halloween treat bags for us guests, we watched a horror movie, and everyone but me smoked some weed. Are you more comfortable sitting or lying down? I would assume everyone is more comfortable lying down... Have you ever been a fan of N*Sync? Yeah, as a kiddo. Favorite kind of cake: Red velvet, yum yum. What is your middle name? Marie. TV shows and anime you watch regularly: None. Do you want to have a big family in the future? Just a big family of pets with a spouse. What was the last thing you did that gave you a rush? Oh boy, I couldn't tell ya. Is Vegas one of your must-see places? No. Pet rat: yay or nay? YAY!! I've had many, but I don't think I'll get any more. I've just had bad luck with them, save for one that died of cancer at an old age. Would you call yourself a writer? Written any stories lately? Yeah. I haven't really written any big RP posts of the late, but I did recently write a poem. Are needles something that you’re afraid of? Okay, so this is super weird. Tattoos and piercings? No problem. Little prick, getting blood drawn, that sorta little stuff, no problem. I am, however, NOT a fan of big needles, which used to not be an issue. It's actually kinda recent, and it's why I'm nervous about my second Covid shot coming up, aha... What was the last unexpected hug you gave/received? I really haven't had an unexpected hug since Jason asked for one before he left my house after our final talk. Who was the last person you held hands with? Either my niece or nephew. Have you ever been in a parade before? If so, was it on TV? No. Do you have a fear of rollercoasters? If so, were you ever forced to go on one? If you don’t, what is your favorite rollercoaster? I have a big fear of them, yeah. Post a picture of you from a recent time. Don't feel like it. Who was the last person to give you some of their food? Miss Tobey let me try one of her dumplings yesterday when we were at Ichiban for dinner. The last person you met, what was your first impression of them? I actually didn't quite like her. Have you ever been to a football game? Yeah, because my sister was a cheerleader. Do you like the snow or rain better? Snowwww. Have you ever faked sick? Yeah. What is your blood-type? A-. Have you ever eaten a bug? Not knowingly. The last time you were in the fridge, what were you looking for? Salsa. Mom got these veggie chips at the store and they apparently taste better with salsa, which it did. They weren't great, though. Are you listening to anything at the moment? It's Gab Smolders' turn for me to watch her Resident Evil 8 upload, haha. I'm literally watching three different people (Mark, John Wolfe, and her) play it. Can you take a bra off with one hand? I haven't tried, I think? I doubt I could, given that I'm not exactly small. Do you have an innie or an outie bellybutton? Innie. Can you crack your neck? NOOOOO AND DO NOT DO IT AROUND ME YOURSELF. Are you donating your organs? Yeah; what am I gonna use 'em for? It just seems like a waste otherwise. They're just gonna decay. When was the last time you talked to you mom? Before she left with Tobey to go to the store. Do you like pumpkin pie? NO. I don't like pie, and I hate pumpkin. Do you own your own computer? Yeah. Did you ever have to share a room with one of your siblings? Yeah; growing up, my little sister and I did. Is there any piece of technology you want to buy? I REALLY want a PS4. Did you ever have a night light when you were a kid? Yeah. What TV show had you hooked from the very first episode? Meerkat Manor, 100%. I had to know that Shakespeare was okay. What is your least favorite Sour Patch Kids color? Orange or red, can't pick. Have you ever seen the movie Matilda? YES! I love that movie. What is the weirdest chant you have ever heard? Uh, idk. How are you feeling? Annoyed and hurt as fuck because shit Miss Tobey says without thinking for a single goddamn second. I'm honestly beyond sick of this woman. Do you know anyone with a unibrow? I don't think so. Doughy or saucy pizza? Doughy. Do you have anything that’s limited edition? Yeah. Do you have an air freshener in your bathroom? If so, what scent? I... think we do? If so though, I just don't notice it. The bathroom doesn't smell like anything in particular. Do you like Jalapeno Cheetos? Oh man, I forgot about those! Love 'em. Are you a fan of salads? Yeah, they're fine. I have to be in the mood for one, though. What’s one random thing that you don’t like? Uhhh carrots. What’s one random thing that you like? Shrimp. Do you like chicken noodle soup? I don't. Is it easy for you to accept loss? NOPE. I'm the absolute worst with it. You just got a free plane ticket to anywhere. You have to depart right now. Where are you gonna go? I really wanna see Sara, so take me to Illinois. Do you know anyone with the same birthday as you? No, but a former best friend had her birthday the day before mine. Is there someone you just can’t imagine your life without? Not anymore, honestly. After Jason, I stopped that "I can't live without you" mindset. Truth is I'm going to lose people through life, and I'm not attaching my ability to happily exist to anyone. Are you wearing a ring? Two. Have your friends ever stopped by your house just to say hi? In the past, yeah. Do you like Chinese food? Not really. I only ever get pork fried rice and eggrolls from Chinese restaurants. Have you done any shopping for something in specific recently? No. Do you still live in your hometown? No. What was the reason behind the last time you stayed up all night? I don't recall, honestly. I haven't done that in a very long time. Have you ever had a UFO sighting or a sighting of strange lights in the sky? A very strange light, yes. Have you ever seen your mom or dad drunk? Yes to both. Seeing Mom drunk is very, very rare though. My dad was an alcoholic when I was growing up, so I saw him drunk plenty. Do your parents vote? Mom does, idk about Dad. Who’s the most romantic person you ever went out with? Jason. What restaurant has the best fries? Nowhere has anything on Bojangle's, y'all. Have you ever had a surprise party thrown for you? No.

#survey #surveys #questions #lyrics: ''bullet with butterfly wings'' by the smashing pumpkins

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sinceileftyoublog · 5 years ago

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Weekend Picks: 2/21-2/23

Big Head Todd and the Monsters

BY JORDAN MAINZER

There were no live picks for yesterday, but plenty for the weekend!

2/21: Objekt, Smartbar

Here’s what we wrote about Objekt’s Cocoon Crush when we named it our #6 album of 2018:

“An artist solidly known for his bold exploration of techno, Objekt now takes a plunge into a new kind of ethereal beauty on Cocoon Crush. A foray into ambient music, Objekt subverts a lot of what we have come to expect from him. The line between digital and analog is smeared. Tracks are ungrounded, punctuated still by percussion and synthesizers, but in patterns and textures that materialize in mysterious ways. And just as they appear, they stutter and morph in ways unexpected to the listener. The cold machinations of the dancefloor are still present; they are just stretched and masked in exciting and rewarding ways.”

Darwin and Flower Flood open.

2/21: Knuckle Puck, Beat Kitchen

We previewed Knuckle Puck’s set at Durty Nellie’s two years ago:

“Covering last year’s Riot Fest, I found Knuckle Puck the worst set of the festival, though I did remark that the band’s new, unreleased material had the crowd’s attention as much as their released material. As it turns out, the album versions of the songs are pretty good. Shapeshifter, released about a month later in October, was exemplary of what Knuckle Puck do best–write catchy songs with powerful melodies and hooks, enough to showcase the band’s more-than-capable instrumental prowess while avoiding the try-hard singing that plagues so many of today’s emo bands.”

Cleveland power poppers Heart Attack Man and Wilkes Barre hardcore band One Step Closer open.

Objekt; Photo by Kasia Zacharko

2/21: James McMurtry, Old Town School of Folk Music

We previewed James McMurtry’s show at FitzGerald’s two years ago:

“James McMurtry plays tonight as part of the 37th Annual American Music Festival at Fitzgerald’s, still touring strong off of Complicated Game (one of our favorite albums of 2015) like he was when it first came out. When we caught up with him last November, he said of new songs, 'I’ve jotted them down on my phone as I’ve gone along. That whole record was written on an iPhone3. Unfortunately, I dropped that phone, I don’t have the cool Notes app anymore.' Well, either he’s got a new phone or doesn’t need one, because late last year, he released 'State of the Union', a trademark jab at fascism and racism. It might not be as succinct as him telling us 'There never been a good Nazi a day on this earth dead or alive,' but at least there’s hope for more new material.”

2/21: Raphael Saadiq & Jamila Woods, Vic Theatre

Last year, Raphael Saadiq released his first album in 8 years (since the great Stone Rollin’). Jimmy Lee is named after, inspired by, and partially about his brother who died of heroin overdose after contracting HIV many years ago. As such, whether singing or inhabiting the character of his brother, Saadiq is at times uncharacteristically somber. He’s at the other end of a barrel of a gun on “Sinners Prayer”, reflecting on his wrongs, wondering whether it’s too late: “When a sinner is praying, God, will you hear it?” He wears a heavy burden on the funky, stomping “Something Keeps Calling Me”, the song’s wailing guitar solo in the bridge a mirror to his emotions. Saadiq calls out society, too, just as much as himself. “The people are mad,” he sings on “This World is Drunk”. The one-two punch of anti-mass incarceration jams “Rikers Island” and “Rikers Island Redux” presents the issue as simply as it should be put: “Too many n***as in Rikers Island / Why must it be / Set them free.” The former expresses its anger with upbeat piano and a simple refrain, the latter with spoken word over gentle guitar strums.

Best, though, are the reflections of grace that rise above the despair. On “I’m Feeling Love”, over a slower, more warbling funk, Saadiq, singing as his brother, is thankful for the little that he has. And on the skittering, rolling “Glory To The Veins”, he again distills his brother’s death to what matters: “I lost a brother to AIDS / Still, he laughed every day.” We’re lucky that as he gets older, reflecting on his life, and playing live reflecting on his career in Tony! Toni! Toné! and all the legendary artists like D’Angelo and Solange that he’s produced, Saadiq is willing to impart his wisdom.

Jamila Woods’ LEGACY! LEGACY! was one of our favorite albums of last year:

“Yes, Jamila Woods’ stunning LEGACY! LEGACY! is a tribute to important artists of color. What makes it stand out among other tributes, however, is the remarkable way Woods is able to present how each figure has guided her. Take opener 'BETTY', about funk artist Betty Davis, a woman married to a far more famous jazz trumpeter who gets his own song later on. Woods explores the gender and power dynamic in the relationship and uses it to make a personal and universal plea: 'Let me be, I’m trying to fly.' Fly, she does. On 'ZORA', over a hip hop beat, Woods succinctly declares in an all-time line, 'My weaponry is my energy', the drive and desire the catalyst in the noble goal to make her mark on the world as a black woman as opposed to while being a black woman. In various interviews surrounding the album release, Woods spoke about being inspired by black artists who perform and make art truly for themselves independent and often in spite of the race of the end consumers. 'Motherfuckers won’t shut up,' beings 'MUDDY', referencing Muddy Waters adoption of electric guitar because white audiences would talk over his sets; 'Shut up, motherfucker,' she sings inversely on 'MILES', 'I don’t take requests.' But the percussive, jazzy 'EARTHA' best encapsulates her aims of self-love and ultimate pride. 'I used to be afraid of myself,' Woods admits before stating, 'I don’t wanna compromise.' Ultimately, the refrain of, 'Who’s gonna share my love for me with me?' is the mindset by which Woods approaches relationships throughout the record and then life itself. You can be a part of it, but she comes first.”

DJ Duggz also opens.

2/21: The Wailers, SPACE

We previewed The Wailers’ set at Old Town School of Folk Music last year:

“Bob Marley might not be around, but his original band, containing many of the original members and their children, continues to play his songs. Seeing them in a venue as small as this is rare.”

Tonight at SPACE--an even smaller venue--they play two shows, an early and late one.

Joe Henry

2/22: Big Head Todd and the Monsters, Vic Theatre

We previewed Big Head Todd & The Monsters’ show at the Vic Theatre two years ago:

“The Colorado jam band that saw mainstream success in the 90′s is touring fresh off of last year’s heavy New World Arisin’. In 2016, as Big Head Blues Club (the band’s project with a wide array of blues legends like Cedric Burnside and Charlie Musselwhite), they released Way Down Inside. But for the full potential of Big Head Todd and the Monsters, go a few years back and try 2014′s Black Beehive, a rawer, more diverse blues record than you’d expect from the band who recorded 'Bittersweet'. What’s for sure is that live, they’ll lean heavily on the new material while not forgoing their more beloved classics.”

They haven’t released a new album since then but have released a new song every month as part of a series. They should play some of these live, including gospel piano ballad “Hard Times Come No More” and the funky, rollicking “Train of Storms”.

Nashville band Los Colognes open.

2/22: Todd Barry, Thalia Hall

We previewed Todd Barry’s sets at SPACE two years ago:

“So, this isn’t exactly music, but deadpan comedian Todd Barry is performing 2 stand-up sets in one night at SPACE. Commemorating his 30 years of being a comedian, he’s going on another crowd work-only tour like the one documented in his 2014 special Todd Barry: The Crowd Work Tour. From watching that and his most recent Netflix special Spicy Honey, Barry’s dry observational humor is effortlessly tailored to specific crowds and cities, making this one of the must-see comedy events of the year.”

Even if tonight isn’t crowd work-only, he should do some of his specialty.

Chicago-based stand-up comic Chelsea Hood opens.

Hot Snakes

2/22: Joe Henry, Old Town School of Folk Music

Since we last saw Joe Henry five years ago, he’s done quite a bit of production work and released two albums, 2017′s Thrum, and last year’s The Gospel According to Water. In between the two, he was diagnosed with prostate cancer; considering that, the latter takes on weight. It’s, first and foremost, raw, from the guitar playing on “Famine Walk” to the title track. But Gospel sports moments of beauty, too, as on the woodwind of “Mule” and rich vocal harmonies of “In Time For Tomorrow” and “The Fact of Love”.

Americana duo Birds of Chicago open.

Pissed Jeans; Photo by Ebru Yildiz

2/22: Tim and Eric, Chicago Theatre

Who knows what Tim and Eric will bring to their Chicago stop of their Mandatory Attendance tour, other than their purported "brand new spoofs, goofs and insanity” and “special surprises.” The last time I saw them, Dr. Steve Brule showed up and almost married Jan Skylar!

2/22: Hot Snakes, Pissed Jeans, & HIDE, Empty Bottle

Music Frozen Dancing is upon us again, with suggested donations benefiting the Chicago Coalition for the Homeless! Go and donate!

We last listened to Hot Snakes from the medical tent at September’s Riot Fest. Since then, they’ve released the first two of four seasonal 7-inch singles leading up to the next LP: the burner “Checkmate” and wonderfully plodding laziness anthem “I Shall Be Free”. (The latter’s 7-inch has “A Place in the Sun” as an exclusive.)

Hot Snakes also play Sunday night at the Bottle with an opening set from post punk band Pink Avalanche.

Allentown hardcore band Pissed Jeans haven’t released anything since 2017′s Why Love Now, but they’re thankfully back to warm your pants before Hot Snakes. Maybe they’ll have some new songs to play?

Local industrial duo HIDE (artist Heather Gabel and percussionist Seth Sher) released their second album last year, the raw, disgusting Hell is Here. The drum programming and screaming is just as cringingly visceral as the recorded sounds of vomit hitting a toilet that end opening track “Chainsaw”.

Synth band Crash Course in Science, arty The Hecks, and local punk band Hitter also open.

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alitheamateur · 6 years ago

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The Grind- Chapter 14

Several days after my return to the city, and routine normalcy, I was required to attend a conference for Colton’s next match. I had no excuses for absence this time, nor did I want them. I thought sure I may upchuck the chicken salad I chose for lunch earlier, but I didn’t want to run away this time. Proudly showing him that life indeed did keep rolling despite him cowardly bowing out. This recent feeing of courage lifted me mentally, & I very much intended to set him ablaze with regret, and torture, and longing all the same. The cliché “look what you lost, imbecile.” Moreover, I wanted to prove that despite the hot mess I had been not so long ago, I was going to find myself again. I was going to manage drinking a cup at The Grind without wanting to burst into a screaming tantrum, and I wouldn’t have to take an alternate route commuting to work every morning just to avoid the drive by Mac’s. I knew I couldn’t erase him, for obvious reasons, but I found hopeful comfort in knowing he would fade in time.

I reached the location making decent drive time despite the expected sea of traffic in attendance. Shoulders haughtily held high, dressed to the nine in a relaxed, yet very flattering olive-green jumpsuit I had ordered online weeks ago. Thin straps, a waistline cinched with a loosely tied built in belt, the hem grazing the lower region of my calves just as intended to display strappy nude 3 inch summer wedge. This special location much more glamourous and upbeat than the typical local boy fights in Pittsburgh, which meant more media, more cameras. Colton’s title match against Mendez may have been etched as a loss on his record, but not to be considered the same for his career. His execution, ferocity, as well as sheer God given talent landed all industry eyes on him, resulting in quite the busy schedule for Ritter and his team.

I slipped carefully in a row towards the back of the room, before turning myself directly round into the aisle to march toward the rows nearer the stage. I wasn’t there to lurk in the shadows, I wanted my presence to be fully known to him once he arrived. Colton holding the winning favor for the match, his opponent made an entrance first. Jon Ryker, a middleweight contender from the coast of North Carolina held the size of an undeniably future champ, but the record of just another mediocre kid with a tendency for rage. He took a seat quietly, the public highly aware he was the type to fly under the radar despite the frequent snippets from his sessions he posted to an Instagram account. As a matter of fact, he was much like Colton in the aspect of a hatred for the spotlight.

Next, it seemed a wind of his attendance brushed over me in the seat, causing goosebumps to raise over my exposed sun-kissed skin. At first, I subconsciously dropped my head to glance down at my feet, avoiding the initial moment of eye contact with him in over a year. But, it was bound to happen, might as well be sooner than later. I raised my face, not letting my eyes go straight towards him, but the general direction of the side entryway first. Then, inevitably, my stare found him, seeing him not looking at all as homely and unappealing as I had hoped on the drive over. A fight of this magnitude leaning more over the proper side of the fence, which meant the attire was more professional & buttoned up than I knew Colton cared for. Which meant he was going to be himself as usual, and go boldly against the grain in typical Colton Ritter fashion. He wore a motorcycle manufacturer screen tee, indigo washed jeans that sat low on his hips, and that leather riding jacket he placed over the back of his seat, making it clear he’d likely rode the bike. The image of him speeding carefree through the streets under city lights, and starry summer skies made me shamefully weak even then.

Miraculously, I was able to remain apparently unnoticed for several minutes after the questions commenced. Everyone had went about their business with the asking and answering while I waited in the wings. I prayed maybe I’d be incognito altogether until I stood for my question, but the events didn’t play out by that hand exactly. The fifth row, directly in front of me, a gentleman two seats down was called upon by Colton to proceed with his inquiry. When he finished his thought and sat to his seat, the Pretty Boy Punisher, which now seemed to be a household name, kudos Liv, you savvy girl, you, huffed out in thought on how to proceed with his response, all the while sliding his eyes around the room erratically.

That is until he saw something familiar. Someone familiar. The fuzzy hairs on the nape of my neck stood at attention, recognizing the feverish look tossed upon me. I watched the color drain entirely from his usual rosy cheeks, his Adam’s apple bobbed up and down with his thick swallow of utter disbelief. His teeth scathed over the bottom of his lip, and his smoky eyes widened a bit. He appeared to have seen a ghost, much like the ones that frequented the halls of my apartment. Only now, there were no ghosts. This was reality. The first time we’d beheld the other in the flesh since the collapse. Through my darkly dilatated pupils, I could see the very real agony in his expression now that the shock had dwindled away. The arm he had randomly settled on the tabletop now raised upward, his large hand stroked over the lines of his mouth in a worrisome manner.

The regret and yearn that I so longed to see in him, assuming it would bring a swell of much needed, childish satisfaction, didn’t do so in the least. Rather it drew up from the well of my own personal sadness buried deep in my gut. My face felt dazed, and afar off in a land of psychedelic sorts. I saw reds, and static black in my peripherals, like my recent grief was coming to life and engulfing me. Fearing the entire room was observing the exchange, I looked away swiftly, seeing as he didn’t have the heart to do so first. Embarrassment in the public eye wasn’t something he needed right now, and I wasn’t about to let myself be the butt of the gossip column speculation either. Although a tabloid photo in this outfit wouldn’t have been the absolute worst thing…. After he was able to scramble some form of sentence together for the previously speaking reporter, I figured since the cat, the painfully awkward, very large cat, was out of the bag, I might as well take my turn and get it done. I slipped up a requesting hand, and he pointed nonverbally to me.

“Um, Mr. Ritter, I just wanted to know, with a win under your belt from only a few months back, do you feel like you’re coming into this matchup with some extra momentum?” He cleared his throat, nervously locking, and unlocking his fingers together. I waited, and waited, then waited some more patiently through his worrying ponder for an answer. I imagined his blood heating, and every vein under his skin erupting with hot pressure.

“Uhm… Thanks for the question, Liv. Thank…. Thanks for coming. It’s good to see you.”

Shit, Colt. Way to spotlight the elephant in the room

“I uh, I feel good about that last win, yeah. I definitely needed the morale boost after all the shit I had going on……. After the um, after the loss against Mendez, I mean. With the continued support of my team, and a loaded effort, I feel like maybe we can come away with this one too. But, I’ve come to realize that getting every win isn’t what’s important.”

Are you trying to tell me something Ritter? You needed a morale boost after Mendez, sure. But that hesitation, and the shifty eyes you gave said otherwise, right?

Off I went down the rabbit hole of my thoughts again, analyzing subliminal messages that were nonexistent, I’m sure. It’s true what they say about the first time you see an ex post breakup, especially if one still is still pining with every cell over the other. Pining against my better judgement, but pining in every way.

When everything had come to a close for the evening, following the fists raised, nose-to-nose photo op of the fighters, I was ready for nothing else but the quiet solace of my apartment to recover from the forced overdose of emotion I endured. Colton nearly plowed through anything in his path, including Mac who had given me a knowing, and sympathetic nodded hello, to retreat back into his cave. My original thinking always leading me to believe he may well have meant those crude words he’d jeered at me the night at Mac’s. But after witnessing his demeanor with me, it seemed maybe he hadn’t originally aimed to say them out loud in such a callous manner.

…….

Colton snagged the victory the following night, and the post-conference was heavy with the same stomach churning, weighty, discomfort for both my ex and I. Only this time, a bystander had detected our lingering looks, and the quivering of words when we spoke only about his win.

Enter Tia.

I was snaking my way through the scattered crowd toward the nearest exit, when a petite, yet very firm hand clasped around my wrist rattling the tightness of my watch.

“Running from something? You jumped up out of your seat like the room was on fire,” the female stranger spoke. “I’m Tia, by the way. Liv Elliott, right?”

She was absolutely stunning in the most unlikely way. A frame standing of about 5 foot, which is probably a generous estimate, creamy caramel skin. Her raven black, silky hair braided into tight rows atop her head, and the lightest, most electric shade of baby blue eyes I had ever seen.

“Uh, yeah? I’m Liv Elliott. Have we met?” She’d turned loose of my arm to reach forth in a hand shake.

“Oh no, no. I’m just familiar with your work. I’m actually a fighter here in town! Clearly I haven’t quite made a name for myself yet.” She giggled, and curled her shoulders up around her neck as if to sink her head into a turtle shell.

“Don’t be silly! It’s just, if your matches aren’t really advertised or spoke about, I don’t usually know about them, ya’ know? It’s very nice to meet you, Tia.”

The woman seemed to relax a bit at my reassurance. When I stepped away from the conversation, she was abruptly on my heels.

“Would you want to have a drink, Liv? In all honesty, woman to woman, it kind of seems like you could use one.”

I’d had worse offers in the last year, and she seemed nice enough. Especially to a hermit like myself who had yet to form anything closely resembling an actual friendship in this city.

“You know what, Tia? I think I would like a drink. You know a place close by?” “Next door, there’s a decent lounge in the hotel lobby.”

She led the way to the ground floor of the contemporary, blue lighted bar at the neighboring hotel of the fight venue. On the way I complimented her shoes, and she suggested I try the Long Island Ice Tea. We opted for a two seater booth rather than the bar top since the fit and length of my skirt would indeed show more than desired if I hiked up onto a stool.

“So, Tia. How long have you been competing in the ring?” I sipped the excellently recommended Long Island.

“That’s a really long story, “ she chuckled. “But, to sum it up, pretty much my entire life. I started Brazilian Jui Jitsu when I was about 6 years old, and it all sorta stemmed from there. My dad was an instructor growing up, so it was something I came to instinctively love the way he did, I guess. What about you, hm? How did you get into the media side of the cage?”

This girl was oozing a contained edginess, and I had already decided she was cool as hell 3 sips in.

“Not to sound redundant, but that’s kind of long story as well. Only mine probably isn’t as enjoyable as yours if we’re being truthful.”

“Ah, I see. That story wouldn’t happen to contain a character by the name of Colton Ritter by any chance, would it?”

Busted. But in reality, how could Colton and I not honestly expect people to pick up on the oh so clear connection between us? Especially considering the circus of exchanges the last two days. “That obvious, huh?” I scrunched my nose in humiliation, letting my back relax onto the white, padded booth.

“ ‘Fraid so, Liv. You two were absolutely locked in on each other in there. Not to mention the way the poor sap looks at you. Anything you wanna talk about?”

Tia and I chatted in the hotel bar that night till the hour closely approaching 2 a.m.. I’d given her the high points of what played out between Colt & I, leaving out many of the juicy particulars for another time. No one would every hinder the thick as thieves, near 16-year bond that I had with Sara, by any means. However, Tia seemed to be proving herself someone I could have to fill her shoes when I needed a friend closer to home. I duly noted all the positives having a friend like her would entail. She was fiercely self-assured, bold, an exceptional listening ear, and most importantly, she had brilliant taste in shoes. She would become all the things this lonely, imitating city girl was missing here in Pittsburgh.

The upcoming months drew us tightly knitted together; you could say inseparable. Her loft apartment was only a measly 8 miles from mine, and the café where she waited tables in the evening was a short walk from my office. Tia Larkin would make my apparently sad life much more amusing from that night on.

Dating was teetering nonexistent, if you even consider one set up, courtesy of my oh so pushy, new friend, actually dating to begin with. She painted a very accurate description of him as part of her strenuous efforts to convince me to “get my fine, successful ass back out there.” His name was Luke, he was 23, and a personal trainer at the gym she frequented in.

“He’ll fit right in with your weird fetish for chiseled, rugged Abercrombie models with trust issues, Liv.” She’d teased.

Apparently, I had a type now? The reluctancy nearly caused severe outbreaks of wheezing panic the night I was dressing to meet him. In all honestly, it wasn’t fair that the poor guy had to follow in the very existent, very large shadow of Colton. I mean, I wouldn’t want to be the one attempting to fill those shoes. Appearance, wit, talent in the ring, or the bedroom for that matter… I felt as I was just setting him up to fail miserably. But, in hopes to raise my still somewhat broken spirit, and get Tia the hell off my back, I was going to give it an A+ effort.

He’d sent a text, (strike one) sending directions to the bar downtown, (strike two) whereby he wanted to me. There wasn’t at all any problems with the bar itself, but I had just enough small town in me to consider a bar very tasteless in the matter of first dates. Reason one, being the environment is entirely and distastefully too loud for any form of decent conversation, let alone two people who don’t know the first thing about each other. Secondly, I just felt it was a lazy copout. No sincere thought went into planning a date in a local bar. There was no romance. No allure. I fancy a dirty planked wooden floor, and a sloppy game of pool as much as the next gal, don’t get me wrong. But as far as first impressions go, it was just a no for me. Or, was this just my subconscious picking this Luke guy apart like a starving vulture only because he wasn’t the specific fellow I wanted to be spending a rowdy evening at the pub with….

It was a sticky summer evening, and clearly a casual date, so I cast little consideration on an outfit. Ripped denim shorts, and a quarter sleeved, v-neck top, beach waved hair. I closed the locked door of my car turning towards the bar entrance when I spotted someone jogging across the busy street in my direction. There was no denying he was blessed in the looks department, but in a more boyish way than Colton. He had very subtle features, and large almond-shaped eyes. There was no whiskered shadow to his face, or visible scars, and his build was missing that broad, muscular shoulder set I had grown a liking to in regard to the male body. He fit the bill of personal trainer though, with toned, yet modestly sized arms. When he reached my car, he immediately swallowed me into a hug after leaving a formal kiss to my cheek.

“Liv, I’m guessing?” he raised in question.

“How incredibly embarrassed would you be if I said no?” I half grinned to appear joking, and was afraid he almost didn’t catch the humor when his own smile wilted a bit.

“Oh, not at all. See, I make a habit of kissing random, beautiful women in the middle of the street.”

Okay, kid. Touché on the playful banter. “Noted. But yes, I’m Liv. Liv Elliott. It’s very nice to meet you Luke,” I introduced.

“And you as well, Liv. You wanna head inside, or we can wait for the next girl in the street I’m going to kiss to show up?”

TAGS: @torialeysha @eap1935

#Tom Hardy #tom hardy fanfiction #tomhardy #tomhardyfanfic #tommy conlon #elizabeth olsen #tomhardyfanfiction #thegrind

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authentic-and-confused · 5 years ago

Text

Just a little TED talk

Last school year in the spring my English teacher presented our class with a challenge: Create a TED talk about something you’re passionate about. It seems easy, right? Well. For me, it wasn't. I knew immediately that I wanted to talk about the issues LGBT youth face, but I didn't know how. I’ve gotten so much hate for my orientation and identity that, even with the things I’m publically out and proud with, I live in constant fear of ridicule and hate. Let me tell you, this is no way to live. Eventually, though, I figured it out. Religion. I just knew my TED talk project had to involve religion.

At the time my mother was using religion against me in many ways and shaming me for my choices. I was facing a lot of subtle hates at school and I just knew I wasn't the only one. The more I thought about it though, the more I realized that, at least with the kids my age, it was mostly because they simply didn't know! So just like that, I had my topic - my purpose. Educate the other youth of my school and motivate them to do better, and stand up against hate of all kinds.

Don't get me wrong, I was still scared out of my mind. I’d been called out in that very class a few times for my LGBT involvement, but somehow this desire, this need to make the world a better place for other LGBT youth took over, even if it was in the smallest way. The words to my script just... flowed out of me. I knew what I needed to say and how to say it. At first, I wasn't even planning on using my own experiences, but without them, the talk felt empty - like I was speaking from a detached point of view.

Soon enough, the day came to submit our talks via video, but for me that just... Didn't feel right. For some reason, I felt like my teacher needed to hear it in person. So I asked if instead, I could come present to her directly before school. She said yes, so two days later I did. I showed up to school early on the day of a funeral for the man who had appointed himself my grandpa the moment he found out the way one of my others treated me.

I literally gave my talk in funeral clothes.

by the end, my teacher was crying. The tears weren't just in her eyes the way some teachers get during certain presentations, but actually falling down her cheeks.

I hadn't realized how powerful my message could be yet, and had actually recently started to doubt it due to the reactions of a few strangers when I practiced giving it to my friends on a train. She said I should still make a video, post it to youtube or something. I considered it, really I did. but doubtful thoughts started to creep into my mind. Was it really a message people needed to hear? Was I the right one to give it?

I hit a really rough patch of my life, and I went to a really dark place. Most days I’m still there. Floating scared and lonely in the dark. I’d found out the world could be even darker than I’d ever thought possible and lost all hope of finding a light. The only reason I didn't end it all was that there were two people I knew it would crush. My best friend in the entire world who told me daily I wasn't allowed to leave them like that, and my significant other.

I have a story. I’ve considered writing about it, but it's dark and lonely. Full of pain no one ever had the courage to see. I finally came forward about it. Literally begged for help. No one who could help listened. No one listened could help.

”Where’s your proof?”

That’s the question they always ask.

That’s the question that always sends me back to the dark place.

So, I never felt the motivation to go forward with it. Get my talk out there into the world. I lost track of the light beside the glowing individual that, once in a while, was able to grab my hand and drag me to it like a horse to water. They still have to do that to be honest.

They’re there though. They haven't left. Haven't asked for proof. Took my words as enough.

They helped me find other people too, little lights in my life who I know are just as bright in the world, who I love dearly even if they don't break my darkness apart in the same way.

I don't really know why I’m going on like this. Like I said with the talk, sometimes the words just come and before I know it I’ve regurgitated pages of them. Often having to delete paragraphs and paragraphs, most of which I feel are just as important to my point. I did that here too. You probably can't tell.

Point is, yesterday I saw something that led me to a little trail of light. Gave me a little trickle of hope...

Graffiti in a bathroom stall.

It’s unclear what came first, or second or third or fourth even, but it is clear what the little conversation was. I took a picture of it, weird I know, but it really struck me. Someone at one point wrote something about “fags.” I’m not sure what, it's partially scribbled over. But around that? Several messages in different handwritings defending the LGBT community. One of them stating, “Wow, Imagine still being homophobic in 2019,” another “You lookin like a clown.” Seeing these silly words marked into the stall I nearly cried. It gave me a light to hang to, weirdly enough, even if it only lasted until I once again reached home and thus my biggest tormentor.

Then, tonight, when I was looking at pictures on my phone, looking for a light to save me from the dark place for just a small while, I saw the picture. I scrolled through youtube and saw “In a heartbeat” recommended to watch again.

I was struck once again and felt a need to get my words out there too. To let someone, anyone, know that they aren't alone.

Give someone that trickle of light.

So, without further ado... the script to my TED talk: Man, I wish homophobia was a real thing…. Like, obviously the thing the word is used to represent is there - the blatant hate and discrimination towards the LGBT community - but phobia implies a fear. For example, the fear of heights (acrophobia) the fear of spiders (arachnophobia) or the fear of snakes (ophidiophobia). Can you imagine if people went around saying things like “blackphobia” and “womanphobia” instead of racist and sexist? Absolute chaos would ensue. People would have a meltdown. This is because, in this modern-day, people know that these things aren’t fear, they are an intolerance. So, by using the word “homophobia” it gives people the ability to rationalize their hate in the name of being afraid. as religions do.

This is what we, as the up and coming generation, need to change. We can help get rid of this hate and discrimination by referring to it as such. By calling it as it is - intolerance.

One extreme example of an organization that uses fear as a guise for their discrimination is the Westboro Baptist Church. They’re so hateful they’ve become somewhat of a joke to many in the LGBT community. *miles* Their website is literally “godhatesfags.com” and when any person dares to say this may be hateful, the church replies by simply saying “Gospel preaching is not hate.” Can you see where I’m going with this?

No, not every religion is as blatantly hateful as this one, their hate is often more subtle - at least to people it’s not directed towards. Living in Utah as an out pansexual teen I’ve been on the receiving end of this hate, even from some of my closest friends. And this isn’t their fault! They’ve been raised in such a way they don’t even realize they’re doing it. Most people are blissfully unaware of the ways LGBT youth are discriminated against every single day, so let me explain.

One of my best friends, who I will keep anonymous, said one of the most hateful things I’ve ever taken to heart just this last fall. We were skipping a church class and sitting outside when we somehow stumbled onto the topic of marriage. I mentioned that it didn’t seem fair that LGBT people couldn’t get married in the temple. Her response was “Well, I think it shouldn’t be allowed. Gay people are fine, but forcing us to allow them to marry in the temple takes away our freedom of religion.”

And, I guess that’s what everyone is so afraid of. Their rights and freedoms being taken away in exchange for ours. But as a wise person once said, “More rights for me doesn’t mean less rights for you! It’s not pie!”

I ask you to think real quickly - excuse my language - how many times has someone told you to “Burn in hell” or told you that if you don’t change your ways it’s unavoidable. I’ll give you a second to count. _______________. Now, you probably only used one hand right?

I ran out of hands to count on within a week of coming out - and I only counted people, not the number of times. To this day I get told this phrase or some variation at least once a week.

Now, let me talk about school and bullying. I have a very specific story with this, but rest fully assured it’s not even close to being the only one, or the worst one. Just a couple weeks ago I was walking through the hall and got stopped by some kid I don’t even know, just so he could call me a “faggie.” I don’t know if you know the history of the word “fag,” but basically when the whole thing with witches trials was going on, people also burned LGBT people. However, they didn’t think them “worthy” to be burned on the stake, so they threw them in with the leftover broken sticks known as “fags.” So, as you can imagine, being called that is quite hurtful. I went right to one of my friends and explained what happened, and they misheard and thought I said the kid called me “fattie.” They immediately freaked and explained that I wasn’t fat, that the kid was stupid, etc. etc. When I explained that he had, in fact, insulted me for being gay and not for being fat her attitude completely changed. She basically shrugged me off and told me not to be dramatic.

That’s what everyone does, isn’t it? If it’s something we know a person shouldn’t be bullied for - like hair color, how fat or skinny they are, their acne - the bully is reprimanded. As they should be. But when a student goes to complain about bullying or exclusion over being gay or trans, adults often respond with “Well, have you tried…. Not being gay?” I was literally called an abomination in front of a teacher…. And they did nothing!

Now, if my stories alone don’t convince you that this is a real problem let me show you the facts of suicide. According to Utah Health Officials, quote “Among Utah youth aged 10-17 who died by suicide during 2011-2015 with circumstantial data...Of the 40 cases that included information on the decedent's sexual orientation, 15% were identified as sexual minorities.” Close quote. That isn’t even counting how many were closeted, or Trans. Then besides that, this research on suicide and the causes is hard to conduct, because, simply put, the dead can’t speak for themselves. “if the rate isn't zero we have work to do”

A study at the University of Georgia about a year ago showed that 70% of LGBT Mormons met the criteria for Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. Yeah. From a church that supposedly promotes love. “we are inflicting trauma on out queer youth by asking and requiring them to go to church”

Now, to fix this problem, nothing huge or drastic even has to happen, at least for the first few steps. And I’m definitely not saying to stop believing in your church. religion is wonderful. I'm just asking you to follow a little less blindly. Like I said, we are the up and coming generation! We have the power to change the world in the palm of our hands! We often just don’t realize it because the people in power in this world tend to take all the control they can, and we just let them! So, let’s take it back. Let’s take that power and use it. Start by simply paying attention to what you say. Don’t rationalize something hateful that you say, either out loud or in your head, by using religion as your excuse. And, if you hear someone else saying something hateful, step in. Do you know how many lives could actually be saved if all of us just made an effort to watch our words?

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