#I ruin everything and everyone I touch | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

stars-anon · 9 months

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#I ruin everything and everyone I touch #Why do I even bother #Why does anyone even love me #I'm a piece of shit #I just want to lay down and fade away into nothing #I am so tired #I deserve to suffer like this though #To have everyone leave no matter how much they promise they won't #I just want to know what about me makes me not worth fighting for #Ot trying for #or so easy to toss away #what is it? what's wrong with me #I'm gonna go doodle on my arms or maybe sleep #Fuck

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lecliss · 5 months

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The choice from Sunday is kinda weird cuz the options are build a cage in the house for the bird or build a nest where it fell and one leads to the bird growing up but dying once its set free and the other one probably leads to it dying much sooner. They both feel like the same option and even tho obviously the most kind, caring, morally right thing to do is keep it inside so at least it lives longer even if it's in a cage. But like to me both options suck and are basically nothing cuz I'm sorry if I look like a bad person for this, but I'm not sorry, but I'm not fuckin touching a wild animal. Even if I knew it was there even if I bothered to check out the sound to find a bird, which I wouldn't, I'm not touching it. I'm not even getting close enough to find out it's too young to fly yet. Whatever happens to it happens man and I'll never know what happens to it cuz I'm not even gonna look at it. Like, where's the 'you seem like an asshole but really it's quite a normal choice' in this whole trial thing??? That's usually an option you can pick. Sunday!!! Sunday, listen!!! There are more than two choices!!! You don't have to always do something!!!! You can just walk away!!! You don't have to try to do something for everyone all the time!!! Think about yourself sometimes!!! It's not selfish I promise!!! SUNDAY!!! OH MY GOD HIS WINGS ARE COVERING HIS EARS HE CANT HEAR US!!!!

#i genuinely dont wanna pick anything #like okay. i know they dont have animal control or a shelter in this setting. but irl genuinely just call some people and see if theyll take #it if you wanna do something about it.#you are not getting my ass to touch a wild animal of any kind. i dont care what the situation is #i was asked once if i could help take care of some baby mice a friend accidentally ruined the nest of and a shelter wouldnt take them #and i was like. im sorry but no cuz i know for a fact im not equipped to handle something like that and i dont wanna touch wild mice and #i KNOW at least some of them will die and i wanna now have to deal with dead mice. and you know what happened?#the friend couldnt keep up with how often they needed to be fed and they died. and now you have dead mice.#something could have happened where they survived outside like the mom came back and fixed it maybe or at least one fended for itself #like its a shame the nest accidentally got ruined but it was an accident and things like that happen all the time #yes its an accident you caused but in the case of something like that i really dont think its suddenly your responsibility now #and i know itll make you feel better to try to make up for it but now you have dead mice #and i know for some people at least trying to help makes them feel better but now we're at the point where i just dont understand #i just cant comprehend the feeling or the idea or the thought.#so its like. i get sunday feels like he HAS to do something for everyone all the time but its genuinely turning him into a monster and he #cant see that. like trying all the time despite getting nothing done will tear you apart. let yourself rest #do the small things you can do around you. dont put the weight of everything on you all the time otherwise you wont get anything done #and youll start thinking not doing anything isnt even an option anymore #i promise its okay. take a break.#im not even referring to sunday anymore. you 🫵 its okay. take a break. make yourself feel better #then come back to things with a clearer calmer mind and do the small things you know you can do #dont force yourself to do everything because you feel like you have to. itll be okay. i promise #hsr 2.2 spoilers #hsr spoilers #oh right this is a spoiler post ifnfjfnfk #long post

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crimeronan · 1 year

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Feeling very emo in the club tonight over how Luz might react if/when Willow and Hunter start getting closer and closer (pre any poly stuff ofc). Cause like. She's so happy for him! Genuinely. She wants him to have people who love him like she does and who would protect him with everything they have and Willow is PERFECT for that! But I also think everytime she manages to successfully strongarm Hunter out the door to go spend time with his new Friend/Crush/Person and she just sits there for a second before crumpling to the floor because she's fucked up and misses him immediately. Bonus: Amity would NOT understand why Luz insists Hunter go spend time with Willow without her when it makes her act like a sad wet cat when he actually does

YEAH YEAH YEAH YEAH YEAH. YELLING. I'VE ALSO BEEN THINKING ABOUT THIS

luz is pretty private about her breakdowns because she's so determined that hunter never find out how messed up she is (even though he has a pretty good inkling already) but amity catches her having a transparent panic attack at some point anyway and is like

.....do you not trust your other guards? [awkwardly] i can??? stay here??? just this once???

and luz is like [bright smile] [manic cheer] [still crying] no no no!! nooo haha everything's fine. i just haven't eaten enough today <-excuses that work forever

amity: you know if you want him here you can just tell him you want him here. he won't even complain about it. he asked you like fifteen times if you were sure

luz, flapping her hands: nonono! no it's fine i'm so glad he's having fun i hope he wants to stay with her forever and quits his job and- [catching her breath] [hiccuping slightly] i'm So Happy

amity: yeah okay. i'm gonna go get him

luz: DON'T

amity:

luz: don't say anything don't do anything please please please amity i'm Begging You. i need him to be happy i need him to be normal. ONE of us needs to be okay

amity: .....okay. hey, um. can i. can i give you a hug-

#luz accepts and then promptly starts sobbing harder about how sorry she is for making amity do this when amity doesnt even like her #and amity is like. I DONT HAVE THE EMOTIONAL INTELLIGENCE TO FIELD THIS CONVERSATION #huntlow #horrible mindscape trauma pals #shitty idiot repression gang #lumity #the kicker is that of course hunter and willow would BOTH be perfectly happy to hang out with luz there #but luz has decided that she ruins everything she touches so shes gotta do exposure therapy for Being Alone Forever #because obviously the best outcome for hunter and everyone else would be if she was alone forever!!#she won't abandon hunter ever she'll let him keep autonomously choosing her but if he ever wants to choose someone else then GREAT!!#great awesome amazing that's fantastic that's so good he's going to have such an amazing life and she is NOT CRYING!#luz noceda #hunter toh #amity blight

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theood · 1 month

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Mentally ill boy whines again. Solution: Get Out Of There

#im fucking TRYING too as well and it's just constant fucking roadblocks or my body screaming to self sabotage and quit and kill ourselves an #d ruin our body and flay ourselves and repent and beg for forgiveness for being a body of sin like. GOD. I'm so tired of it!!!!! and i can'#even stop it because i csnt change my innner voice or the weird neurotic way kf thinking bc my brain goes '#'its keeping us safe! safe! safesafesafe!' bc of Oh Boohoo you got '''''neglected'''' as a child and had your needs not met' well mommy and #daddy sajd they loved you grow up. you got 'locked in your room' and had your apologies ignored ok well youre making a BIG deal about this #top crying boohoo you got bullied. you and everyone else #and then when I go well no they way i got treated was fucked. growing up poor fucked us up. you can still be loved and raised unstably and #uffer bc of it it becomes a fucking game to my brain to list every single way we Had It Better and therefore cant be suffering and its like #do you fucking hear what youre saying!!!! amd then!!!!!! i go through this fucking ten times a day and wonder why i struggle with feeling l #like a human being #and this doesnt even touch the whole mature for your age becoming kind of a therapist to your parent and hearing their issues and adults off #loadinf onto you and like. man. no fucking wonder i struggle so much with interpersonal relationships om top of everything else i dont have #a personality until I know what the person needs from me!!!!!!

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slutcore-starships · 10 months

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fortes-fortuna-iogurtum · 1 year

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hey friends is it normal to just feel. numb. because I think that maybe it is not. but what would I know anyway.

#really tho it’s like I can barely feel anything anymore. idk if it’s stress?? depression??#the enormous weight of adult life suddenly and unexpectedly crashing down on me with the weight of the entire planet??#I used to feel so *much* all the time and now I feel like I can barely feel anything at all…#and everyone around me is living life so much and I’m just here feeling like I can barely keep up with conversations as they’re happening #I’m tired… I feel like God is a far away idea that I’m struggling to hold onto… I feel like my mind is a bent and jumbled mess #like I grabbed hold of it and tried to crush it into the shape I thought it should be and now all I’ve got is a broken frame #I /know/ who I am and what I believe. I /know/ what my life is. but I don’t feel anything.#the only time I feel anything is sometimes when we’re singing at church I just cry at the sense of glory of something I can’t touch #and sometimes I shake with fear at the thought that I’ve ruined everything that could’ve ever been good about me #I’m oversharing on the internet again but I just don’t know what to do. I’m so tired. I want to see something beautiful and feel #the weight and glory of it again. but I feel like I can’t. all I feel is numbness.#I feel like I could sleep for months but every time I wake up I never feel refreshed. and I’ve been having bad dreams too.#adulthood kinda does suck can I please go back to being 5 #gurt says stuff #personal

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baura-bear · 5 months

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it's like you're living a fanfic but it's neither fun nor romantic RIP. best of luck with the roommate situation i can tell you from experience that it sucks to have a friend fall in love with you especially when you don't reciprocate

thank you for the kinds words i'm actually attaching a story time because i can but also honestly no one feel obligated to read it because it's just me being anxious and complaining 💀💀 also this is the 4th friend of mine to admit feelings for me that i don't reciprocate and genuinely i'm starting to think either my autism has something to do with this or i'm on the aro/ace spectrum because huh (i hate being a complex ever-changing human being it's so difficult)

around the same time that I started college I started reading And They Were Roommates by WaitingForMy on Ao3 which is a college Javey au (very good fic do reccommend). Jack and Dave are roommates and end up being FWBs then start dating. so of course I would always make little in my head scenarios and I was like wow it would be crazy if that happened to me. Fast forward to this fall my roommate has a gf but im like 99% sure my roommate has a crush on me because any time they're under the influence they stare at me with this really sad look. Eventually they break up with their gf and I ask like "hey you don't like me do you?" and they say no that they've never liked me like that and we're just friends. so obviously I believe them!!! ok now fast forward to this spring we're FWBs everything's platonic we've talked about it whatever. Then this weekened: THEY START FLIRTING WITH ME this is normal we playfully banter but usually they're the one to initiate because they've had relationships and flings with way more people so it just comes naturally to them so naturally i follow their lead flirt back (again we do this as friends all the time and we had established that there were no feelings) they're like playing dress up and talking about how good they look in heels and how much taller they are than me and i'm like haha yeah! :3 and out of no where they stop and like gently push me away from them and are like "I'm sorry I have to be honest I have a crush on you and I don't think we should hook up anymore"

I don't mind that at all and I am so so glad they were honest with me but in the moment I was kind of freaking out because they had been initiating everything all day and it was just a really weird and sudden switch and it kind of spooked me also they were drunk and I was tipsy. at the time I was really freaking because of how random it was but i'm feeling better now. It's just confusing for me because me having autism it can be hard for me to tell peoples intentions and at the time I was feeling kind of betrayed that like I had trusted them to tell me the truth and now i'm like "what if they've been lying and they have liked me the whole time and I'm the one that's been leading them on and being an asshole and i didn't even realize" at the center of all of this i am just so terrified of hurting them

anyway no idea why i felt compelled to share all of this but it did make me feel better so if anyone made it this far thanks for humoring me

#VENT #thanks to everyone who reached out it made me feel less alone #its scary how many plot points of that fanfic mirror to my life #i'm also kind of upset because they took my v card and i don't even know how to navigate my emotions about that #vent post #also internalized everything already makes it hard for me to open up to platonic physical touch and now i'm scared that i'll ruin the-#-friendship that we've built because i'm scared to lead them on or hurt them #these are all me problems but whats a little drama between me and my 300+ followers #internet safety who?

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this-doesnt-endd · 7 months

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I used to have a really giant family like tons of tias and tios and cousins and i say used to cause like it seems like after my grandparents died on both sides both families seemed to never speak again and i had no chance to even try and keep hold of those ties i was in elementary school watching my parents marriage crash and burn in real time dealing with major death in the family and then subsequent family abandoning me at the tender age of 11. Hell my brothers were older and jumped ship it was just me and the horrors

#my moms dad and my dads mom were like the heads of their families and they both died really close to each other #but my grandma and a tio on my moms side died within 3 days of each other after being in hospice literally 3 doors away from each other #for months and my parents both took the roles of like taking care of everything and being the descision makers cause no one else would #which im sure was super traumatizing in everyway possible but their siblings both seemed to resent them in ways #when they didnt want to be those people but had to be and they arent even the oldest siblings they are both like 3rd youngest #but like it just ruined the families and me and mom and my dad were all at the hospital or hospice center for months #we were there every day and night i remember it so much i can get anywhere in any hospital in my town using the stairwells #like i knew them that well #it also likely ruined my parents marriage which was bumpy before the intense major tragedy #which like yaknow what fair it was a lot to deal with ontop of like trying to crawl ur way out of the recession #but after all was said and done i talk to no one on my dads side i bearly talk to my older brother #and i talk to like my nina and two tias on my moms side and occassionally a few cousins #when theyre arent being fucking insane and unhinged #idk i loved having a huge family the like going to 5 houses on christmas type #going to birthdays or weddings and seeing everyone taking at least 45 mins to say bye to everyone #and now its gone and i wont ever get it back #and its by no fault of my own cause i was literally 11 and every adult decided i was gonna pay the price too #like i think abt when i get married its not gonna be what i thought itd be or when i get my first movie in theatres #im not gonna have the major family celebration ill have all my friends which im so greafull for #but its not the same yaknow #and id love to have that relatiomship with my family again but like where do u start when its been over 10+ years #like they remember 11 year old me if they remember me #and thats part of the problem #like on my moms side specifically i have some family who acts like theyve never met me before when i used to see them every weekend #and it was a major failing on my part as an 11 year old for not keeping in touch even tho we did my mom calls everyone and she tried #but people didnt want to return it #and as for my dads side its the same and if it was a moral failing for me as an 11 yr old to not reach out and they didnt like my mom much #my grandma fucking loved her but the rest of the family didnt and like i lived w my mom and was fucking 11 i couldnt go anhwhere by myself #and i didnt like not being places without a parent and i hated sleepovers i refused and they took it so personal #and they stopped talking to my dad and bad mouthed him and still do nd ill never allow that around me my dad isnt perfect but hes a good man

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my-thoughts-and-junk · 7 months

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love corrupted children's characters <3

#random thoughts #horror #'they need to stop doing mascot horror it's just kid stuff but scary' but.... is for me 👉👈#think it should be done more specifically with yandere romance horror. sunny day jack is not enough to feed me i need more #especially since sunny day jack isnt even like actually a children's character i think he's just a super fucked up vcr ghosy #anyway adulthood as a corrupting force compels me #everything used to be just fine in gundrop village until YOU showed up with your maturity and your taxes #now everyone is suddenly going through super mental puberty without the tools to cope with it #like there's a transitional period in media for kids vs teens vs adults imagine just SKIPPING BEING A TEENAGER #the caramel cattle are getting sick there's a sugar water drought and everyone's mentally ill now #also now everyone is aware of the concept of meat and where it comes from and OH GOD WE UNDERSTAND DEATH NOW #all these simple lessons aren't so simple anymore and god everyone is just WATCHING them from EVERYWHERE ENDLESS EYES #bad character traits which were previously inconsequential unless needed for plot are now all-encompassing #puppy love evolves and god imagine sex ed in a 'if someone touches you in a way that makes you uncomfortable thats no good' world #NO ONE KNOWS ANYTHING ABOUT SEX #mc someone isekai's into their beloved escapist kid's show and ruins everything by being an adult #not even as a political message just a thought experiment

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telemiel · 8 months

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i am genuinely incapable of interacting with or existing around other people without fucking everything up and i'm so tired

#i'm so incredibly lonely but at this point i just #don't even have it in me to keep trying?#i'm just going to spend my whole miserable life alone with no friends and it is what it is i guess #i try so hard and still never get anything right and i just don't have the energy or ability to keep trying so hard #if i can't do anything right with all of my focus and effort then why even try?#if i'm going to be lonely and isolated and a bother to everyone anyways why am i still making an effort?#my roommate is my only friend at this point and all i ever do is piss her off and do everything wrong even though i try so hard #and i don't know what the point is anymore #if i'm just a bother and a burden at my best then why am i even trying #i give up #i give up on friends i give up on trying not to make people angry i give up on tryring not to ruin everything i touch #even when i think i'm following someone's exact wishes and instructions i still misunderstand somehow and get it wrong #and it doesn't matter how many times i DO get something right because i've messed up before and that's always more relevant #everyone always acts like i'm intentionally a fuck up or malicious and not just a goddamn idiot #who can't understand other people and what they want no matter how hard i try #venting #i guess #idk i'm being annoying right now even but i have no one to talk to and i have to get it out somewhere #i'm at the end of my fucking rope with just existing

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welcometogrouchland · 2 years

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We joke about an owl house Christmas special but if they made one it would not be wholesome. It'd be based on it's a wonderful life and be equally as harrowing to sit through

#ramblings of a lunatic #the owl house #this is the only original Christmas post i will make #everyone who talks abt scenarios/fic ideas/etc where luz sees what the boiling isles would be like if she'd never came #and sees half her friends/loved ones dead and the other half indoctrinated or depressed #and is hit with the realization that oh she isn't a monster who ruins everything she touches. maybe she's actually kinda alright #you understand me on a visceral level and i love you #anyway they should make a toh half hour holiday special ONLY. so they can execute this idea and traumatize us all #it'd be on brand!!!

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tortademaracuya · 1 year

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That last post made me realize, everytime I think about micah i always see him as some kind of, mass murderer or whatever. But he really just kills 2 people max, he just does it many times (and most of the times its just LI, he almosts never kills Camila) and for some reason I remember that as A Lot of People. Misjudged by her own author, damn <\3

#hilariously they NEVER kill Tristán. the one person you would think he would take the oportunity to kill #they actually work together in one of the endings! its a bad ending for LI but its An Ending #they would never touch Mel. and he just fucks up Ae-Jeong's life by killing Camila but doesnt really hurt her physically #they just come to town and ruin everyones lives mostly. but just kills people in some of the loops #most of the times LI dies because of some bs soulmate curse that their universe runs by #actually i lied i think he also kills some douchebag side character. i just havent decided if i want him or not so i forgor #and LI also dies there so i just counted it as another LI death lol #and the times LI doesnt die because of bs. some of them are Micah mercy killing them #Micah's players in the story make him do a lot of fucked up stuff. even if she knows everything will reset he feels bad #about the state LI ends up in some runs. so he uses the small power he has of himself ending their suffering if she can #of course she thinks no one remembers...she just feels she owes it to LI #LI meanwhile thinks they r being killed for fun #this doesnt make any sense im just ranting with myself lol #micah (oc)#adding this to my micah apologist doc lol

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blazevillains · 1 year

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im gonna chew through plywood

#RARELY has an ending in a video game left me with such a god damn Weight in my chest #as the damnatio memoriae ending of faith holy shit man. the soundtrack paired with the ending itself its just.#with your cowardace you have ruined lives. youve let one of the worst things that can happen to a person happen because you #pleaded to god to let you escape it #and you KNEW because he WARNED you that the fate of the one you failed would be sealed upon your head. And you said #anything to get me out of this. i cant handle this.#and you failed over and over and you failed to save her even when you came back and you let the world be consumed #because of your wavering faith and COWARDICE!!!!!!! AND ITS TORMENTING YOU!!!!!!!!#and you ask the one you failed why the others are tormenting you. and she cant say anything but impart judgement.#that you are unforgivable. irredeemable. because you let your cowardice consume you.#and she hates you so much that she will wipe herself out of existence because you left your mark on her.and everything you touched goes.#she hates you so much that to damn you she damns herself too. and youve failed everyone you love. theyre all gone #along with you. and it ate you up inside and you tried to fix it but you didnt. you couldnt bring yourself to. I FEEL ILL #BUT CONTRAST THAT WITH THE GOOD ENDING #wherein one of the prayers when you get hit is for the strength to protect those you love. and you SUCCEED #because in the true ending youve pushed through your fear. and she forgives ypu for failing the first time.#because youve set her free now. and youve protected those you love. and again im going to eat drywall

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blujayonthewing · 1 year

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[rereading the past two years of notes to help figure out what all Mel might want to work on during some upcoming travel time] you know what I think actually what Melliwyk needs right now is a vacation

#it's BEEN. SO MUCH. EVERYTHING IS SO MUCH ALL THE TIME #and I think I've talked about this before but since Mel is The Arcanist and The Brains and The One Taking Notes and Figuring Shit Out #she's the one almost everyone consistently touches base with about whatever THEY'VE got going on #and she's happy about that! she's thrilled to get her little mitts on every interesting bit of knowledge or mystery!!#but oh my god she is burning herself OUT she is EXHAUSTING HERSELF and there's so MUCH she wants to do and only one of her #and everything we've been doing as a party has been Heavy and Important and Exhausting #and the stakes of the overarching plot are unfathomable and she sort of feels-- rightly or no-- like it's Her Job to figure out a solution #and ANYWAYYY she NEEDS a lil KISS ON THE HEAD and a REAL NAP and SEVERAL DRINKS #without feeling like everything around her would spiral out of control to calamitous ruin if she stepped away for two minutes #hahhh #my OCs #melliwyk

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terryfuckingturniptruck · 4 days

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Are you okay? Why would you think you're a bad person buddy?

There's so much...but mostly because I'm a bad partner and kind of a fail daughter to both my parents (dead) and my about to be in-laws.

#i disappoint everyone all of the time #i don't think anyone is ever happy with me for very long #basically i ruin everything i touch #answered asks #anon #thanks for asking!! i appreciate the kindness!

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sunflowercandie · 21 days

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stop telling me to vote i don't live in your piece of shit country

And I don't live in yours so I don't think I need your opinion 😀😀😀

#you obviously dont understand pookie i need to warn my people i need to inspire them to do the right thing #if he necomes president again it will ruin so many things for this country and it could potentially ruin things for other countries #including yours you never truly know for sure #i wasnt able to vote in the 2016 elections because i was too young by just 2 months and ive been pissed ever since #the fucker banned muslims from the country ON MY BIRTHDAY IM STILL LIVID ABOUT THAT #you really think im just gonna sit here vote and hipe for the best??? NAH FUCK THAT #im not gonna let this happen again Trump is a piece of shit person that ruins everything he touches and doesnt even care #as long as its giving him attention and profit hell fuck up anyone and everyone #feel free to block me if you feel otherwise

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