#I remember how she was supposed to be a self insert originally and it makes me laugh cause imagine if I made her epileptic 😭

[hazbinhappy]

I PROMISE IM WRITING I have free time tomorrow 🥲

[dummie-writes]

the party walkers

self insert ✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:* school bus graveyard

words: 4.08k

previous part: a demon inside of my skin

next part: over the horizon, somewhere

note: woah hey I'm back so soon whattt, anyway. sorry that chapter was kinda more scene setting, we only got to interact with the group at the very end 😭 also, I'd like to say this is gonna be pretty self indulgent for the time being bc idk where I want the story to go 🧍‍♀️keep in mind that while I'm trying to keep it gender neutral, at times y/n may lean more feminine,and this is because I am more feminine. please enjoy :3

ii. a rescue mission

again, there's a tension. there has been for the past minute you've been sitting here. after telling them your name and settling down cross legged on the classroom floor, you kinda expected some questions or something. that blonde kid and ashlyn are still having that weird little staring contest. it's as if everyone wants to start, but no one knows how. like you've passed a test, but they aren't sure if you'll actually pass their little assignment or whatever. you were having nightmares, and eerily, the blonde knew to ask you about them even when you hadn't said you'd been having them. so, they were also having nightmares. at least, from what you could infer. 

“um, okay,” a sandy brunette boy with glasses begins. he's not looking directly at you, but instead at your bag beside you in a spaced out manner, his thumbs tapping the wooden pencil in his hand. “nightmares, monsters, right? what kind of monsters?”

     “like, gray ones? they're kinda big? sharp hands?” you say, still somewhat confused. a robotic voice comes from next to you, and as you turn your head, the tallest of the group has his phone held up, the screen facing you. on it, in black lettering, it asks “humanish?”. you blink, and then nod at it. not much of a talker, apparently. the girl who originally spoke to you, sitting next to Tyler and who you've quickly remembered is his twin sister, though you don't remember her name from the beginning of the year, opens her mouth to speak, but then ashlyn cuts her off. 

     “well, that's weird. what notes do you have on savannah?”

     a second of slight whiplash from the subject change, everyone (except for tyler) gives the freckled girl a weird look. they hadn't expected it either, but they aren't going to interfere. she has a colder tone - not entirely mean, but like she knows how to stick to decisions that she makes. actually, you'd seen her before - this town wasn't where you grew up, but you'd been here since middle school. ashlyn always kept to herself, for what rare times you did see her. the only words that you'd really ever heard from her were “excuse me” “thanks” or just glowering. you didn't know when she got all these friends. 

     you also had friends - unfortunately, they weren't really happy with you at the moment. with the whole “several hours or so in hell” situation, you hadn't really been the greatest companion. one too many times had you had to stay home from a group putting, or just slept straight through. they had a right to be upset with you, especially when you wouldn't communicate and were crabby. 

     “again, not really my fault! what am I supposed to tell them? that I'm bleeding out in the bathroom all night?” but, you know, whatever. 

     you pulled out your notebook, reading through the few notes you had written down since the start of the group project. you wouldn't argue right now. maybe they were just weird, maybe they were all in the same boiling pot you were. either way, the six of them didn't seem open to talking about it, which means another lonely night in the bathroom for you. 

     not for them, though. as you tried to be as quiet as possible on the cold, tiled floor, and then moving to the shower so the blood from your back would trickle down the drain instead, they would have a rather rambunctious evening. 

     “tyler, seriously. if they're here too, we need to get them!”

     “that isn't a risk we should be taking!”

     ash cringed just slightly at the volume of tyler's voice, and picked at the peeling fabric of the bus seat she was in. this argument had been going on for about an hour, stopping them from any sort of progress in terms of supplies, information, or anything, really. aiden was seated in the seat across from herself, foot dangling as he rhythmically tapped the seat, smiling as he usually did. his red eyes swung back and forth between the aggressors, not saying much except for the offhand comment or joke. 

     “guys, what if it was one of us? what if it was taylor?”

     “fields, don't even think about using that kind of an argument. it's cheap, and that's my sister. not a random classmate - who, by the way, might not actually even be here! they could just be having bad dreams! but, no, i’m the crazy one, right?”

    ben shifted uncomfortably, tensing and releasing his fists. tyler was defensive, that much was for sure. truth be told, he in fact did not actually like the idea of possibility leaving you stranded somewhere. it wasn't moral. but he was right, he knew he was right. they didn't have the actual information needed, the possibile required resources, and he wouldn't put taylor in any sort of unnecessary danger like that. not when you lived almost four blocks away from where they already were. despite not saying so, ashlyn agreed almost entirely. she wouldn't lose her entire team saving one person. at the very least, not until they were positive you were actually I'm this other dimension. 

     “remind me again why we didn't just ask them if they were here?” aiden questions, his cheeks rising a little as he stared at tyler in an almost dare to reply. 

     “we won't even tell our parents what's going on. if they're just having nightmares, they'll think we're crazy or on drugs. and in that case, who knows what they'll tell the school, or the police,” ash replies in an even tone, raising an eyebrow as her eyes meet aiden's, and then to taylor as she speaks again. 

     “but it isn't right. you know it's not right. and there was that unexplained scream you heard at the hotel, ash,” taylor points out, throwing her arms out as she paces back and forth. her hair was starting to tangle from all the moment, and a stern look in her eyes told everyone this isn't something she would let go of. at least not thus far. 

     ashlyn sighed, pinching the bridge of her nose and looking down. a quiet pooled in the bus as the ginger thought through the possibilities and risks. taylor was right. they couldn't just leave you wherever you were to rot, possibly die. even if she wasn't a people person, she wasn't a monster. she couldn't let any phantoms hurt you or anyone else in good spirits, that would just be horrible and wrong. she knew tyler wouldn't mind getting you either, if it wasn't such a huge risk, and a major liability if you actually weren't there. 

 

   a small glow emitted from a couple feet away from her, looking up to Ben's phone screen as her hand slid to hold up her head. “we need more info”.

     logan tapped his foot tentatively, his face soft but unagreeable. he had been making a more logical argument, but was emotion driven nonetheless in his words. having another person would be an advantage. it would come with its own challenges, yes - explaining why they had another person hanging out with them to ashlyn's already suspicious parents, keeping track of an entire other human being, the extra general supplies - but having another person who wasn't a phantom on their side was also a benefit. another pair of eyes, hands, ears. more supplies could be carried. 

     not to mention, you are not just a video game character. you're an actual human being, with a life, with sentience. in the end, that's the defining factor. they can't abandon you. but they won't come looking for you without being sure you'll be there when they search. 

     “this is a stupid argument because we aren't actually arguing about saving them, but about when.” 

     taylor looks up to ash, lightening from how upset she was previously, and her shoulders beginning to drop. an unspoken understanding passes through them as everyone else mumbles something of agreement. 

     “and how the hell are we supposed to pull that off? do any of you even have their phone number? we didn't add them to any group chats because we were still in our own world when class ended,” tyler huffed, crossing his arms and leaning back into his chair, a sour expression in the creases of his face and eyebrows. 

     “I could run over there,” 

     everyone stared at Aiden for a second as he smiles in excitement before tyler thwacks him in the back of the head. not hard, but audibly. aiden’s mouth opens slightly, his smile unwavering but now wider as he scoffs in hubris.. “that's not happening, you moron.”

     that next morning is a hard one for you. for one, trying to clean that horrible slash with isopropyl alcohol isn't working. it's making things worse, in fact; the flesh around it is red and dry, it throbs when you move too much, and every so often, it'll crack further down your back because you moved too quickly. not to mention, it hurts like a bitch when you do so. not cleaning it runs the risk of infection, but honestly, you're too exhausted to care anymore. your mind is messed up, clearly. talking to a psychologist isn't an option, you'd get put in an asylum before you could finish your sentence. this was just your life now. and you would properly clean it later. 

     walking into class, you felt the jab of a finger at your back. jumping, you turn around to give a dirty look at whoever was giving you a difficult time, before realizing that it was aiden, from your group project. you take a breath and smile. “hey, how are you?”

     despite it being a very normal question that usually results in a “im fine”, aiden clark is not a normal person (to be fair, you aren't at this point either), and answers with a much more winded explanation. 

     “oh! I'm doing pretty great, haha. last night's homework wasn't all too difficult or anything, and since you're having trouble with your work, you can copy off mine if you'd like. speaking of last night, how'd you sleep? you know, with sleeping issues and everything? sorry about my friends yesterday, they can be a bit argumentative. it think it's funny lol.”

     at this point, ben, who you remember now as being introduced as aiden's cousin and is walking behind, looks at you, nodding and giving a small wave. you, in return, smile widely at him. 

     “well, aren't you just a ray of fucking sunshine or something,” you hear an irritated, grumpy voice from next to you, and then a yelp, followed by “ow! don't pinch me!” and a “then be nice!”

     turning to taylor and tyler, the long haired of the two smiles in a nervous apology. “sorry, he's always kinda cranky in the morning. he didn't mean that, I swear.” as taylor tucks a piece of hair behind her ear and chuckles softly, you notice she has a soft sparkle in her eye. that, and the fact that she has been nothing but kind to you in the entirety of the while you've interacted with th pushes her to be your favorite for the time being. 

     “it's okay, i'm not all too great for the first couple hours too. coffee helps, would you like some? do you have a cup or something?” you're being a little over-nice on purpose, mainly to make him feel bad for being a bit of an ass- but it's a genuine offer. he wasn't downright cruel, just a little mean. and the eye bags on top of his cheeks tell you that taylor wasn't lying about him not being a morning person. 

     tyler scowls, wrinkling his nose and glancing at the thermos you have on your desk. it's your favorite color, and the metal is warm with the creamy, light brown coffee inside. for a second, his face drops a little, and he looks like he's genuinely considering your offer, before rolling his eyes scoffing. “I'm good.”

     rough start for a group that hasn't entirely accepted you as part of their project, but he didn't cuss you out a throw a shoe at you, so you'll count it as a win! you don't have much time to process, because you turn your head again and jump at the bright write paper, half an inch from your face. holding it is a pale hand, and connected to that hand is aiden, wide eyed. actually, that might just be his face. you're starting to think he looks like that more than he doesn't. oh, yeah, actually, that's the homework he was talking about. you had only gotten a couple questions done last night before giving up, and trying to comfort yourself with hot chocolate before midnight arrived. 

     aiden was still looking at you expectantly, so you gingerly pinched the paper, smiling at him again as you took out your own unfinished work, and compared them side by side so you could at least not down most of them before mr. thomas got to class. as you did so, a bright yellow post-it note caught your attention, and in messy handwriting, it reads:

     “what are your nightmares about????”

     your eyebrows knit themselves, and glancing up at aiden, he's already looking at you. he turned away to talk to ben about something almost immediately, but it makes you wonder if he knows something you don't. you peel it off, filling out a few of the questions before glancing at the note again, and flipping it over to scrawl down your response of “why do you want to know so badly”. instead of a blank back, you find a phone number, which you can only theorize belongs to aiden. snatching up your phone, you pat the number in, and then hurry to finish what of the homework you can. after filling out what you think will get you a passing grade, you roll up the work and tap the blond on the shoulder with it. 

     he stops mid sentence to turn toward you, smile widely, take his homework back, and then continues talking to ben. all just as mr. thomas walks through the classroom door.

     actually, the fact that he gave you that post it note makes you giggle a little. it looks like an ad for a psychic. you nonchalantly doodle and scribble on your paper during the lecture, nearly falling asleep a couple times before you're all dismissed to sit in groups. you pause for a moment, glancing to your old group. brandy looks in your direction, smiling and standing up to walk over. oh wait what no don't -

     “hey! listen, so, about yesterday,” she whispered speedily, a note book in her right hand, tapping her pen on the cover with her left. you purse your mouth, nodding. awkward. “I'm sorry if I was being mean. I failed this class last year, and I can't repeat it again. I know that's harsh, but I'm not taking any chances.”

     a silent, uncomfortable nod and pause later, she continues. “I copied down a bunch of my notes for you, because I hope you can still pass. I'm sorry if I made you mad. I'll just, go, um, yeah.”

     a second later, you're holding a few pieces of lined paper to your chest and watching her run off and back to her group. a sinkhole opens in your chest, and you bite the inside of your cheek. would ashlyn's group be expecting you? would they talk to the teacher about getting you removed too, since they might not have wanted to fail as terribly as they already were? your eyes find their circle, where three pairs of eyes are looking to yourself, and there's a large enough gap by taylor's seat for your own. 

a soft grin presses onto your cheeks, relief emanating from you when you sigh, grabbing your chair to haul it over. at least you had a solid group for your project now, even if it was going to fall apart. and, even if your group members were a tad, let's say, bold in how long they stared at you for. not in an entirely creepy way, but in a puzzled way, like you were something to be figured out. 

     “um, he gave you his phone number, right?” logan confirmed, pushing his glasses up his nose with his index finger while he spoke. after the glint from the ceiling light left his glasses, you realized his eyes weren't entirely blue, but had a twinge of turquoise to them. or aqua. something like that, either way, they weren't a strict blue. you acknowledge his question by pulling your phone from out of your jean pocket, shaking it a little. “yep, it's all right here.”

     “good! be-”

     “we have something we should really talk about with you. a few questions.”

     “oh my fucking - you're making it sound like we're a cult.”

     “aren't we kinda?? at this point lmao??”

     “aiden, you're not helping.”

     “excuse me?” your features are slightly scrunched in both confusion and amusement - you're assuming this has something to do with the whole weird “what's in your nightmares” note, and on its own this exchange might actually kinda freak you out. but the way tyler looks like he's about to pop a vein has you beaming and nearly laughing. not to mention, aiden is just kinda, weird. a bit creepy too, but mostly weird. 

     “hey idiots, shut up! it was your guys’ decision to do it this way, and now you won't even talk with them about it properly!” tyler gives everyone a dirty look, noticeably glancing at ben and then not glaring at him. ben has a flat expression, and just glances at aiden, who is already chuckling to himself and looking back at him. 

     “ahem,” ashlyn clears her throat, pointing her eyes at you. as you turn to face her back, tyler huffs, crossing his arms and sitting back in his seat, glaring daggers at you even though you. haven't actually done anything. “so, these nightmares.”

     it's interesting that she's the one to bring this all to a head, after specifically dodging the subject yesterday in class. 

     “tell me about them.”

     when she puts it like that, it feels a lot more individual. you haven't really talked a whole bunch to ashlyn banner, even when you guys have been paired together. she was sorta… floaty. 

     “well, uh, what do you want to know?” you feel stupid for asking, but they were the ones who put you on the spot. and who are also glaring down at you, mostly in a friendly way. you think, at least. it's starting to get a bit stuffy. 

     “what color are the skies?” 

     “kinda, red. typically. but I feel like that's sort of normal. for nightmares.”

     this was weird. this was so entirely strange, actually. maybe you were too sleep deprived to actually notice, but the fact that they're dissecting you like a bug isn't normal. especially when they keep sharing glances like that! 

     “okay, hold on. what's going on? I think I should get to know why you guys are trying to scoop my soul apart with your eyes or something,” you stab a dirty look at tyler, who rolls his eyes and looks away. the rest kinda lose their gaze, sights now wandering the classroom- of course, this is excepting aiden, who's still staring at you. oh well. you kinda expected that at this point. 

     ashlyn gives a low sigh, clenching her teeth together and crossing her arms. her fingers tap on her jacket, and aiden leans over to smoosh himself into her shoulder- which she seems irritated by, but doesn't do anything to push him off because he starts speaking. 

     “I don't think we're getting anywhere with guessing games guys.” his eyelids are low, and he puts his hands behind his head, crossing his legs to put them on ben's lap like he's relaxing. that's when ash gives him a hard shove with her other arm, and he lands swiftly on the floor, drawing a giggle out of taylor. “hey! I'm right! don't push me :(.”

     “I hate to say it, but we might need to be just straightforward here,” tyler interjected, glancing at ash. “that's not a good idea, wh-”

     “hello! hi! I'm still here!” you interrupt, your palms facing upward out you wave your arms around. disbelief crosses your face, and you're about to laugh because, what the fuck? what do they know, and what are they not telling you - and why are they being so rude about it! “I would appreciate someone being straightforward with me! actually! if my opinion matters at all here!”

     “of course it matters!” taylor responds almost immediately, her shoulders dropping and her eyes becoming soft. ben stops for a second, signing “yes” in consensus. for the first time, logan speaks up, his words muddled together too quickly for you to understand for a second. 

     “yeah okay so theresthislike alternative dimensions thingandwedontactuallyknow what'sgoingonbutwould youhappentoknowhatwe're talkingabou-”

     “dude, breathe, what the fuck,” you answer, eyebrows tilted in more concern than anything else. while logan wasn't the type to talk so quickly he didn't enunciate his sentences, he didn't want to be stopped by any of the group - specifically tyler, who, surprise, you'll never guess, was glaring at him. 

    

     “... did you say alternate dimension?”

     “yeah lol.”

     “and what exactly does he mean by that?”

     “exactly what i, um, said. there's a shift, it starts at midnight, and we're there for seven hours. only seven minutes actually pass, but, uh, no one actually gets any sleep at that point.”

     that is… exactly what your little nightmare issue sounds like. 

     “the red skies, the phantoms-” who you're assuming are those demon things. “-they all match with our little, uh, nightly problem. the only thing that doesn't match up is how on earth you're there too. we know what caused us falling through - but why are you there?” logan asks, and the more he talks, especially about something he knows, the more he seems less shy. tentative, sure, but more confident in his words. it makes your heart drop into the pit of your stomach. 

     if he's serious about this, maybe they aren't playing some joke on you- which was already unlikely, but you've gotta cope somehow. if there are who knows how many other people in that little hell hole of an evening, then it isn't only you that you need to worry about, and you can't just hole up in the bathroom if there are others too. 

     “when did you start going?” aiden asks, poking you in the back again so you turn to him. 

     “that night at the hotel after the field trip.”

     “hmmm. anything weird happen?”

     “i mean, I went with my group. and I was kinda lagging behind and got tossed up with another group who was touring some haunted house because the lady thought I was with them.”

     “... what house?”

     “ummmm, seed house? something weird like that? ‘s’ somethi-”

     “the sorrel weed house. “

     that time, ashlyn didn't ask, but stated. it was a ghost of her usual, stronger tone. 

    

     “you must have gotten tossed up with our group.”

     the cold bathroom tile that you sat on was uncomfortable when you awoke that night, but the air was chilled with excitement. you were getting busted out. you'd have to do the more difficult part of maneuvering out of the house with what ashlyn and her group called “phantoms”, as well as trying to grab some stuff on your way out. blankets, first aid supplies, food, bags- anything you could really get your hands on. but escape was everyone's first priority. which is why your ear is pressed so hard to the cheap wooden door, and your breathing is as quiet as you can force it to be. you're listening for footsteps. or tapping. or whatever other noises might hint to otherworldly existence. 

     you hadn't been out of this bathroom in your entire time here. had you been hungry? yeah. but… what else were you supposed to do? you didn't exactly have a group to watch your back while you grabbed a lunchable from the kitchen. 

     nothing. nothing for the past ten minutes. the others should be here in about twenty. that's how long you have. so, with that in mind, you focus on your first location: your bedroom, where your phone, backpack, and blankets were. 

✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*

that's right, get part 1'd. hope you enjoyed

next part: over the horizon, somewhere

[the-way-astray]

shannon messenger in depth opinion?

she ruined my life . . .

there are both good and bad aspects to her writing. i think she’s particularly horrendous when it comes to telling instead of showing. i'm not a fan of the way she handles many plot and character threads. but her worldbuilding is genuinely amazing. and i have no idea how many times i've said this but i have a post raving about it in my drafts. i think it's been there for the better part of a year. one day it'll come out. one day . . .

i want her to make money, because i know how difficult it is to make it as a publishing author, and even beyond that initial point, it’s hard. i’m going to buy unraveled, and not just because this series has me hooked. i genuinely want her to succeed and become better as an author. i remember reading that a few years ago she was averaging some four hours of sleep a day (which is normal for authors) and the fact that she’d been expected to pump out these brick-size books every year until recently is terrible. her deadlines were keeping her from going to the doctor when she was pregnant (hello???? s&s when i catch you . . . ), and now she has two young kids to take care of on top of her already demanding job. i believe she was also open about the fact that she was struggling to write legacy because of her divorce.

i also respect the fact that she’s not posting her kids’ faces to the internet. too many parents with social media presences nowadays are too comfortable doing that, and it says something that shannon isn't.

i'm not a fan of the way she clearly has not checked some internal biases when writing kotlc (lack of diversity, no canon queer characters, weird sexist remarks, some sexism woven into the fabric of the series), but i do believe she's making an effort to change that (rayni was revealed to be a canon poc (and while i don't like her, that's sort of just a general gripe i have with shannon's writing), the graphic novel removes all of keefe's weird sexist remarks, etc.) and i respect that she's clearly changed in some capacity. i'm not quite sure how far this will extend (unraveled is the true test, i feel), but there's something. and that's worth saying.

she has a voice when writing. when you read it for ten books straight you really start to notice it, and i'm not a fan of it. having said that, i think it's a good thing to have a recognizable style like that. so do with that what you will.

what else. oh. a lot of people claim sophie is like her self-insert because of the blonde hair brown eyes thing. shannon has actually stated that she didn't realize the similarity between herself and sophie visually until a while after creating her, so assuming she's not purposefully lying (which i don't see her doing), she at least didn't consciously design sophie that way. so that's a thing.

and finally, sophie's name was originally supposed to be agnes mcweenie because shannon wanted it to be dorky as shit. that tells you everything you need to know about this woman.

[therossgarden]

Personal review regarding what if…? season 2 episode 8 (spoilers)

No ok, I must admit, the episode was good in some aspects.

Wanda was majestic. Loki and Scott were hilarious and I loved every single moment with them.

Thor was amazing, dark and serious out of loss but still enjoyable, and the crumbs of his relationship with Hela were very nice.

I’ve actually liked Tony for the very first time in my life, probably because I tend to like him a lot more in AUs and fanfictions than I do in the normal timeline.

And then… there were those two.

I will never comprehend why marvel wants Steve to be so dependent on Peggy. And I will never comprehend why, to make him interact with her, they have to destroy or sideline every other relationship he has built, or make his character flat.

Bucky being friends with Scott was amazing, but the fact that him and Steve interacted like two times was extremely disappointing. You’d expect “best friends in every universe”, if you dislike the romantic pairing so much, to acknowledge themselves for more than a few scenes, in only one of which they’re in frame together (Bucky was literally 😐 while his best friend disappeared, come on now).

And the storyline about Peggy coming from another world to save the universe was just… Mbah. It could’ve been executed in another way without including her and it still would have made sense. It really feels like a Y/N insert.

Seeing literally any other character was so good, so fun, and they had to ruin it this way, making Peggy once again the self insert and girlboss she didn’t need to be.

Plus, forgive my constant complaining, but it’s extremely infuriating how all of Steve’s friends were eliminated to put the focus solely on Peggy. Where’s Sam? Where’s Nat? Where’s Clint? It’s not an underrated friendship we’re talking about, a big chunk of the fandom loves the cap quartet or team cap, and after civil war it would have been nice to see them interact, especially after its popularity and popular demand. Outlaw team cap would have been glorious, a good chance to bring back many characters who aren’t here anymore in the right way, and involve characters that are rarely involved in What if in the storyline, for a change.

The treatment of Sam in this series particularly angers me, and even more so in this episode. I understand not involving him in other storylines, but Sam was a big part of CATWS and he wasn’t even in the episode centered on that film. What, because Steve met him while running he can’t be introduced in any other way? And oh, there’s no excuse for this episode. If there was one episode they could have placed Sam in, it was this one. Sam was there in infinity war, where the mess happened, and he should have been with the other avengers in this one.

If marvel wanted to involve someone from another universe so bad, it should have been a Captain America Sam from another universe. Can you imagine the poetry of seeing Steve and Nat again after endgame? Can you imagine having closure with them both, and having fun in the process? It would have been so great.

Another great storyline without involving characters from other universes would have been one where Steve, who touched the time stone, accidentally brought everyone in the past, and he was the only one to remember it. And to go back and prevent everyone’s distraction, he had to recruit the avengers, who don’t know him and don’t trust him but that in the end become his friends and companions. It would have been so interesting to see the original avengers involved in something different from being some side characters or extras in the one woman show that seems to be What if, constantly centered around the same bland, one dimensional reimagined side character. Peggy’s blandness is so obvious in these episodes (aside for some random remarks that made me smile) that literally everyone who’s involved directly with her must be bland like her, otherwise risking to overshadow her.

I don’t think I was supposed to cringe and look away as much as I did during Steggy’s forced scenes, but I did. If they had to force Steggy and Peggy down our throats, at least they could have done something different from the same bland and boring storyline as always. I wouldn’t be as mad as I am now if Peggy and Steve’s relationship wasn’t as bland. I would have preferred an enemies to lovers type of twist or change, where Steve doesn’t trust Peggy and struggles with her because he sees in her a different version of the Peggy that died in that universe. But noooo, god forbid, let’s go with the same old song.

An episode five or ten minutes longer with a better, avengers-centric or Steve-centric storyline would have been much better than what we got.

And given that this was my most anticipated episode, I was very disappointed by it. I hope for the next seasons, if there’s other ones, Marvel will listen to the general complaint regarding Peggy and will give her a break. I don’t think any of the original avengers or relevant MCU characters made as much appearances as Peggy, and being a main focus in four episodes out of nine is ridiculous.

[thecluelessdoctor]

hi

so recently

i was watching a bunch of videos on blogthegreatrouge

and remembered my once love for PJs Daycare. but now i know its disgusting like.. so bad. so is she. i just. ugh.

so, im going to remake it. i mean remake that shit i will do my best to make it better. starting with removing all the fankids characters and ships because.. sanscest is w e i r d.

anyway, for the people who some how dont know what im talking about is heres a summery. if i spelled that wrong shut up no i didnt

Tw: SA, suicidal thoughts I suppose, gr00ming basically

pjs daycare was a AU for undertale made by blogthegreatrouge. the au, was as it says, a daycare. basically all the sans aus were children, from like 3-6 i think, and the characters were... sanscest ship characters or sans fusions. one of the caretakers, and our- basic mc, is Paperjam, or PJ, the fusion between ink sans and error sans. i say fusion because i think that what they were originally intended to be before the fandom... yoinked them. aslo i refuse to ship sans aus together because thats WEIRD AS ALL SHIT. anyway. those are the basics, shipkids/fusion sanses are the caretakers and the sanses are children. interesting concept ig (i will make it better trust)

ok now that we have the basics down, lets get to the story. this was a ask blog so there wasnt much story, but from what i do remember, there were 2 major plot lines. the first plot line was uhm. borderline gr00ming. basically fresh sans, the satire sans au, has a crush on PJ. this fresh is i think about 3 yrs old. so ok, hes a kid, kids are weird. he claims he wants to marry pj. again, child, children say that stuff alot. and you think pj would be yk, normal and be like " no no, we cant do that" nicely and shit. WELL HE DOESNT. THIS BITCH SAYS "we cant get married righ now, but when your all grown up we can ^^" IM SORRY HUH. SIR. WHAT. not only that, later, there is a ask of how would pj react to adult fresh. in which its super weird with really gross sexual tension. not only that, lets follow in this aus rule, aus made by the same creator/s are gonna be related. ok. error, fresh and geno/aftertale are brothers. kinda weird but lets keep going here. pj in rouges interpretation is a ship child. A SHIP CHILD. MEANING FRESHIE HERE IS IS UNCLE?? ITS SO WEIRD?? also there is a mini plot line where ink and error like each other and its a big deal even tho, again, CHILDREN. also same person but i digress.

our next plotline is... where shit hits the fan. so, error, gets deathly sick and needs to go to the hospital. didnt know monsters had hospitals but ok. geno, error's older brother who is at most, 5, gets really depressed. and ik depression can come at any age, however, GENO here tries to commit farewell. this. doesn't. make. sense. a child isnt old enough to even comprehend death that well, let alone have the feeling to die AND ACT ON IT. not only that, right after stopping geno from leaving this mortal plane (isnt he immortal though?) they completely forget about it and have this weird romance between palette and goth (swap sans and dream sans) (geno and reaper) and its super weird, and gross (not as gross as nerd and jock but still) and palette is weirdly obsessive over goth and shit so its all just a huge pile of SHIT

oh yeah there is also this weird plot line with like this trio of mini villains, one being rouges self insert i think so. yeah.

anyway, that was pj's daycare. i will be reworking and remaking the entirety of this au. so uh.

yeah.

it will be posted. anyway bye

[alexandraisyes]

Initial Bloodmoon Thoughts - New vs Old

Disclaimer, this ramble/analysis was made 01/11/2024 and is copy-pasted from the original (me) source on Discord in TSBS server. I have a thread there. There are a few ss of the original thread for when other people came into the conversation.

Thoughts under the cut.

My brain is stuck on BM. I remember how angry everyone was with Earth for saying that she didn't think they could be redeemed because she's supposed to be the "therapist" character but like She's just as much a person as the other animatronics and just because she's "understanding" doesn't mean she has to be forgiving of her literal murderer, I can imagine dying messes a person up (we all saw how Lunar handled it) And where she has to be perfect, she has to be the better bigger person, it's part of her code to always take the moral high ground and turn the other cheek so to speak I'd bet you money she is compartmentalizing the heck out of life So no, I don't blame her for not wanting anything to do with Bloodmoon and thinking he's beyond saving If someone killed me I would write them off too

However Sun on the other hand I'm mostly just crouchy that he's being a spineless cunt He was willing to argue with Moon about BM because he knew that they couldn't help it But he's not saying anything about Eclipse and I'm so grrr Like I get it, Eclipse was kinda crappy, but you aren't stepping back and looking at this rationally Sun, and someone needs to step back and look at it rationally because Moon is way too emotional and always has been, and Sun feeds off of his brother's anxiety and always has

It feels like a double standard on the Celestial Twin's part (cause it is lmao)

"He can't help it, it's all he knows" For Bloodmoon And then "I'm gonna torture that inserts insult" For Eclipse like come on He hasn't even done anything (yet) I can understand why Moon would be more understanding towards BM than Eclipse, but it doesn't mean I have to like it

I've said it once and I will say it time and time again Eclipse is the product of an unhospitable environment that was left to his own devices long enough that he drowned in his own self-loathing and the only anchor that he could perceive was taking that out on those around him All of the Eclipse issues could have been solved if one: Old Moon treated him as more than just a parasite And two: Sun had a single thought in that pretty little head that wasn't just an echo of Moon's

I love Sun to death, don't get me wrong I loathe the fact that even now, with a 'new' Moon, he is still just going along with everything Moon says and decides upon He does not think for himself The one time he did, the one time he tried to escape Moon's hands around his choices, what happened? He failed to kill Eclipse and was goaded into destroying Moon's magic Which did what? ding ding ding Only reaffirmed his prior belief that he's A screw-up, stupid, the dumb one, incapable, unreliable And that Moon is Correct, the smart one, capable, and the one who should be trusted with decisions Which is so so so bad for Sun's psyche

Whereas with Bloodmoon, Sun and Moon cannot seem to get over this idea that he's "like the old Moon he can't help it we understand" Sure, Bloodmoon has a want to kill that is so strong it feels like a need And so did the old Moon But that's where the similarities end They fail to take into consideration bloodmoon's feelings when they talk about 'redeeming him' As well as his origins They only see the surface value because they've already written him off And yeah, bloodmoon is awful Bloodmoon is an awful awful creature who has done horrible things to the celestial family And his instincts do not excuse his behavior However, I hesitate to write him off for similar reasons I won't write Eclipse off He's a product of his environment and Ruin's crappy programming (Not that Ruin is bad at programming, per say, more that Ruin only programmed him in what he thought would make BM a good tool, which leaves out a lot of higher cognitive functions.) As we've already seen, this BM is a lot dumber than the first BM when it comes to rationalizing and recognizing issues past the immediate here and now in specifically their bubble

I think, and this is just a theory, but I think that Sun was thinking of the old BM when he was trying to get through to the BM now. Because the old BM was a lot more complex, a lot smarter, and was able to rationalize with others. This one isn't. This one is vey obviously missing very large chunks of development and personality, and I don't know if it would be kinder to just straight up put him down or try to reprogram him. The issue with reprogramming him is it might break him beyond what he already is. Or it might cause a similar crisis that Moon has when he thinks about "old moon". Not the same, of course, but similar. Or it may just completely erase BM entirely because the celestial idiots have no idea what he was like before Sun killed him past what they see on the surface. So if they were to go the reprogramming route, they'd have to turn to dun dun dun Eclipse Because even if old BM and Eclipse weren't on the best of terms, Eclipse would be able to fix what is missing because he knows the missing peices. Now of course, this only works if it's Eclipse 1.0 or 2.0. If the Eclipse we have now is Eclipse 3.0 then he can't do crap unless the entirety of the BM schematics were in the files Ruin stole, that Eclipse then stole back. And even then, he still can't fully get it if he's Eclipse 3.0 because he's missing the memories of what BM was like. So, with all of that complication, at this point it's easier (not necessarily right) to just put him down. He's dangerous, right? (Rhetorical)

Past Sun's POV on BM, I get the feeling that Moon let Sun try to rationalize with BM because, in Moon's mind, BM and Old Moon are basically the same person. Maybe even KC too. An irrational need to kill is embedded in their codes, and they are powerless to stop it, etc etc. And Moon was probably thinking, "Well, Old me and KC both managed to fight their instincts, so surely BM can too." He fails to recognize that BM doesn't have a support system. Old Moon had Sun, and he was friends with the other animatronics as well. Old Moon also had a best friend, Monty. Monty isn't the best influence, but he is still a friend. And Sun was a good influence on Old Moon. Killcode had a good influence too. He had Sun, Glamrock Freddy, and to an extent, Moon. He had a reason to hold back his violent urges, it would be counterproductive to lash out at old BM and Eclipse 2.0 when they were his allies. Acting on said urges outside of the area would also be counterproductive bc that could endanger the host of the body he was sharing, which would end his own life as well.

BM 2.0 has… no one. Ruin was a bad influence. The stitchwraith was a bad influence. Rodrick was a bad influence. Ruin was manipulating them by being kind, so of course BM 2.0 is going to react poorly to kindness and compassion. It is, in their eyes, just another ploy to make him a tool. He can't trust a helping hand because the first kind hands in his life were lying to him. When you wake up, and all that you know is kindness being a mask, that's what you expect from everyone. And when you're offered help, you react poorly and with hatred because you are expecting to be used just like the person you trusted used you. The only reason he let Solar help him was because Solar was upfront with his intentions, and didn't try to sugarcoat it or play 'friends'. He knew that it was a situation in which they would be taking advantage of each other, but the key there was he knew. Ruin literally destroyed his psyche in the worst ways possible by programming him to be a tool, only showing him the parts of the show that were beneficial to Ruin's plans, and using kindness to manipulate him. BM has every right to be angry and distrustful because the person he considered family was the person who broke him beyond repair. And Sun and Moon don't understand that because they don't understand psychology. Earth may have been able to understand (therapist coding), but BM purposefully made her hate them (perhaps to avoid the kindness they know she gives everyone?). Out of all of the people they could have attacked, they attacked the one person who could have puzzled them out. At this point, the only hope for BM is either Eclipse or a literal miracle.

*Ten hour timeskip*

Okay so I’ve been thinking about Bloodmoon and my earlier statement of “At this point, the only hope for BM is either Eclipse or a literal miracle.” I’d like to rescind that statement to add the potential of Solar Flare since there is talk of bringing him back. I’ll elaborate once I get to my computer, but my mind is buzzing with the idea and the logic that would allow it to work. Because on the surface one squints and goes “And Alex is crazy talking again” But it will make sense once I explain how it could work

So Flare We love Flare I love Flare Flare

Flare has been known for a few things in the show. He's a tool. He was made to protect Killcode. He has limited emotional capacity. He's basically a super computer with a consciousness. He's an absolute beast of an animatronic, and is probably the most dangerous person we have seen on the show. He's also upfront, honest, non-deceptive, and has never shown a preference towards one side or the other. Nor is he friendly. He's not unfriendly, but he doesn't go out of his way to be nice. He gave Moon the schematics to the satellite because it was in KC's best interest, not because he liked Moon or hated Eclipse. There could honeslty be debate on if he's even capable of liking or disliking things, considering how emotionally incapable he is. He's very logical, analytical, etc.

So how does Bloodmoon 2.0 factor into this?

Well, as stated earlier, BM doesn't want kindness. He doesn't want pity, he doesn't want niceness. Flare wouldn't extend him those to start with, so that's one thing crossed off the list. Flare would also be upfront with BM about his intentions, he did straight up tell Eclipse he was helping to kill him, although he omitted the way he was planning to do that. So Flare wouldn't be trying to manipulate BM either. Bloodmoon may also feel some kind of companionship purely from the fact they were both made to be tools. Flare has no need to be loyal to the celestial twins or to Eclipse. I can see him going rogue like KC did. It wouldn't be unplausable that he would seek out BM purely since the twins were considered by KC to be family. And since there isn't a Killcode anymore for Flare to look after, his sons may be the next best thing, even if it isn't BM 1.0. Flare doesn't give a crap, honestly. He can defend himself, but he's also able to just sit there and take a hit. It's unlikely the twins would even be able to damage him were they to try to attack him. He'd probably be able to just let them wear themselves out until they are tired enough they can just be picked up like kittens and taken care of. Due to his stubborn nature mixed with the apathy we've seen displayed, I can see him able to help the twins because he's not gonna just "give up" on them. He can sit back and let them run themselves ragged and then do what he has to once they're all tired out. It wouldn't be the kind of redemption we're used to seeing in the show, and would probably not be a total redemption, but he may be able to tame them enough that they can be handled and fixed by the others. Flare taming BM twins and then reuniting with Eclipse so he can fix them? Interesting thought. Bring the family back together.

Obviously, I'm not saying this is even likely to happen. This won't happen, of course. But it could, in a different universe, I suppose. This was just to serve the purpose of explaining how Flare would be able to help the twins tbh.

Flare is too smart and apathetic to get hung up by a detail like that (in my opinion based off of my observation of him). He’d be pretty quick to piece together that the twins killed KC because they were manipulated into perceiving the older animatronic as a threat. (Once again Ruin why did you have to break them like that). Kinda like how they wanted to kill Monty (maybe still do?) because Ruin talked them into believing that Monty was a threat. Not, not a physical threat, but an emotional one. He (ruin) leaned on the fact that BM was “tricked” in the past by the people that Ruin saw as obstacles to convince BM to take them out

Pair that with volatile emotions and aggressive tendencies and you get a red goblin on a murder spree to avenge BM 1.0 more or less. I don’t think Flare would hold that against him cause he’s always been good at tearing through people’s psyches and finding the root motivations and issues.

And for BM 2.0 those issues and motivations both stem from Ruin’s manipulation

The thing is, I don’t think Flare really cared about KC. For him, it seemed more like protecting KC was just a protocol. Kinda like the protocol to kill for Moon 1.0. It’s just something that he was supposed to do. Which is just further reason why the twins killing KC wouldn’t be a hang-up for him

[zvtara-was-never-canon]

I'm kind of confused about the argument that aang was a bryke self insert tbh. I get the whole adult aangs design was based on bryke (which was weird) but too my knowledge that was literally it. I don't like him as much as the next person but I don't understand the insistence that aang is bryke because he's.. a fictional 12 year old written to be 12?

"I get the whole adult aangs design was based on bryke" Zutarians say that a lot, but I don't remember if that was ever actually confirmed that Bryan and Mike based it off either of them or anyone else, but even if it was true I wouldn't find it that weird.

June's looks was based off a staff writer, and Nyla was the name of her dog. I don't think that means she dreams of being a bounty-hunter, or that anyone else in the staff she wanted to be one, or that June's secret dream was writting kid's stories.

Azula's design was deliberately reworked to look more like her voice actress, Grey Delisle, once she got the job. I don't think that is supposed to imply Grey wants to be the traumatized princess/child soldier of an imperialist nation, or that 14-year-old Azula is a former stripper.

Cartoon characters being designed to look like real people, especially people closely associated with said cartoon, is SUPER common. Zutarians only throw a fit about Aang's design, both as an adult and a CHILD, being supposedly based on Michael Dante DiMartino because they like to use the bullshit "argument" of Kataang being the Male Gaze, while Zutara would be the Female Gaze.

Adult MEN supposedly projecting onto the character they want 14-year-old Katara to date is weird, creepy and predatory. Adult WOMEN openly, heavily projecting onto the character they want 16-year-old Zuko to date is a-okay. Double-standards at it's finest.

Also, I cannot get over how much they specifically try to use Aang shaving his head as proof that Michael was projecting onto him since he's bald. Someone please let these idiots know that Tibetan monks, which the air-nomads were clearly based on, have the tradition of shaving their heads for longer than many countries have existed.

Hell, Zuko was practically bald through all of book 1. That must means he's ALSO Michael's self-insert. Zutara is cancelled, guys!

Seriously, I have my issues with many of Bryke's choices, especially for the material post-original show, but the way Zutarians talk about them makes them sound like the most cartoony villains ever. By this point, I'm convinced that everytime they come up with yet another conspiracy and "reveal" the people who had been secretly pulling the non-existent strings the whole time to sabotage Zutara/push a creepy agenda through Kataang, they imagine Bryke doing this:

[justatalkingface]

Just finished reading your Momo answer and... hoo boy do I have some things to say about Hori.

With how he writes his female characters, to be all soft, pretty faced, and waifu shaped cutouts, it just feels like the author is being a pervert.

(Looks at how Hori has claimed Mineta is his self insert in some way)

This is the kind of stuff that you should've grown out of doing AFTER puberty. To not think or write women this way because it's just feels misogynistic.

Sure there can be some exceptions to SOME degree. Like Uraraka, Mina, or even La Brava.

But they always tie back to something, to either be a love interest, a damsel in distress for a male hero to save, or just be mistaken to being in a relationship with someone older than her.

And I just have a funny feeling that even if BNHA ends and make more, this won't be the end of objecifying women and just making them gentle waifus.

Yeah. And the sad thing is, it started off so much better.

It's hard to remember these days, but between Momo getting hyped as a recommended student who is clearly smart, Uraraka saving Izuku right back in the Entrance Exam, and Asui being an integral part of getting off the ship in the first villain attack, it's like Naruto if Sakura took out the second mook ninja in the Wave Arc with Sasuke instead of just standing there the whole time.

It wasn't the best, sure, the guys clearly had more focus, but they were doing things, actually participating in fights, which really was more than girls got in most shonen, and that's the reason, I think, people clung so hard to the idea that, 'MHA does women better' even as it grew more and more clear that wasn't the case.

But now... it feels like they've all regressed. Uraraka has turned from the girl who interned with someone called Gunhead, eagerly learning some kind of MMA style, to being the Token Female Teammate, coded to support The Main Character and to be his waifu in the future... when she's not being randomly thrown half assedly into whatever the fuck is happening with with Himiko Toga and The Completely Bullshit Love Triangle. Momo is now rather meek rich girl who only stands out because she doesn't have to buy the things she gives everyone else, and Asui is... Ochako's appendage into the Toga story, so... what. Implying a harem for Izuku? I'm not sure Hori has even thought that far ahead with her beyond giving Uraraka some back up when she tries yet again to talk down Toga.

I mean, hell, for all that she's a living fetish wearing a skin-tight suit, at least Mt Lady won originally. Ever since that first chapter, though, I honestly don't think she's won a single fight she's been in on screen. These days she exists to hold back Gigantomachia while the more important people do literally anything else, before she inevitably fails because he's basiclly the Super Nomu version of her.

And just... at least back then, even if she was Default Unsavory Hero, she was a character. At this point, Mt Lady feels more like an somewhat sexualized background Hori puts up every once and awhile rather than a person.

That's not even getting into Mirko. From a broader perspective, Mirko is such a mixed bag, because on one hand, she's a brash, aggressive hero who brutally beats up her enemies, and as bad a fit as that is in setting for someone we're supposed to wholeheartedly support, she's a breath of fresh air compared to how passive and soft every other woman feels at times.

But on the other hand, she's a literal bunny girl that Hori seems to delight in using as a chew toy, and there's so much messed up with her seeming to exist solely to be his plaything.

Then, to top it off, post War Arc every new female character introduced seems to be made to fulfil one role before being discarded.

The longer the story goes on, the less they feel like people, and more like one or two character traits (unless you're Asui, who literally seems to be a prop at this point) in an aesthetically pleasing shape made to display them.

And considering how these final parts of the story seem to be nothing more than just the most basic plot points, made without the padding required for a decent story, the fact that they've all been reduced to these empty things is just so telling. If these are all women ultimately are in this bare bones vision of Hori's story, it doesn't feel like a woman will ever be anything more than that, no matter how much time he may spend on them in the future.

[dynamic-k]

Me me has a quetions :3 when did you start writing and where do your ideas come from?

-BK

Ooh, that's a tough one.

Hmm. Well, I know I started getting a like for writing in the 3rd grade. I'd done some random school two-paragraph assignment and Mrs. Meusen, my lovely teacher whom I still remember to this day, had returned everyone's papers with our grades.

And she liked to write custom messages along with the overall score and stars.

She told me in her little markered note at the top of my paper, that my writing was well structured and I make a good author. Something like that, I don't remember exactly how it was phrased, but it was a compliment to my writing.

I have no memory of what I wrote, though. It wasn't significant.

That was probably the first jump-start encouragement I got, though how it affected me in the future was probably subconscious for the most part. It's not the driving force that I remember on a regular basis as "Ah, yes, this event here is what started it all."

That long ago compliment just came to mind when I really started thinking about what the answer to your inquiry was.

My ideas just spawned into existence from my imagination. I was always the kid that found immense joy in reading books and also staring off into space. The wall. The ceiling. Out a window.

I once got lost in space during my 2nd grade Spanish class, while we were doing TESTS.

And I was lost in space, not really looking at what I was looking at... Well, I was apparently looking at someone else's test, lol. Got scolded. XD

My dreams were often the source of cool ideas also. I had entire MOVIES worth of action and everything. Sleeping was always a well anticipated privilege...

I wonder why. 👉👈

I remember my very first fanfiction was written for a comic series, Mega Man by Ian Flynn.

Cool robots, action, adventure, fights, suspense, a whole assortment of my favorite types of things to enjoy from any media, be it novel, comic, or movie.

It was... really bad. My family tells me it was good for my age at the time. The ONE friend I randomly decided to share the old google Docs with also gives me positive feedback, but... ehhhhhh.

There's reasons I haven't continued it further for years. It was pretty bad, in my eyes. I definitely had so much fun writing it though. It was a self-insert, sort of? But with an OC that had cool characteristics I just liked. Not really me, but a character that was an amalgamation of ninja skills, smarts, and powers. And was very much, as the term goes [that I would learn about just a few years later], a "Mary Sue". An overpowered character.

At least, my character still had a plethora of issues, and as the story progressed, I found ways to insert Nora [the aforementioned OC] into problems and lessen the overpowered aspects a bit.

I learned from that work. A lot.

I guess, if anyone is really interested, I can post the links to the old docs. I don't suppose I mind all that much, though I'm warning you all. I ATTEMPTED ROMANCE.

AND IF YOU ALL KNOW ME AND MY CURRENT HABITS... YOU KNOW I SAY ON A REGULAR BASIS THAT I CAN'T WRITE ROMANCE.

It was written by 13-year-old Scarlett. She doesn't exist anymore.

I think I somehow got off topic, why am I talking about my first fanfic...

Anyway!

I wrote a lot of other stories also.

I had originals.

I had fanfics. [My hyperfixation on Beyblade Metal Fusion remains dormant to this day, but I still remember all the ideas I never wrote down yet]

I had dreams that I attempted to normalize and remove dream-weirdness from for story material.

I had school assignments that were fairly tame as far as action, but I kept the docs anyway.

And then I tried to publish stuff.

[By this, I mean, on the Archive. I had technically posted fanfiction before on fanfiction.net but we don't talk about those abominations...]

I was in a Lego Monkie Kid hyperfixation at the time, and was currently on the cliffhanger of season 4. [Before the special came out, I mean.]

And I had a very very vivid dream scenario one night, where my brain decided to imagination its own ending and wrapped up plot for the cliffhanger of season 4.

I decided to post it. And I still have more ideas that I have yet to sort out and add more chapters to the fic, but that was the first published work on the Archive, I think.

And... it was romantic focused, actually. The one OC was a character that fit well into the series, and wasn't just an annoying rendition of overpowered characteristics. (I TELL YOU. I LEARNED FROM "NORA")

And, well, my dreams are good at imaginating romantic scenes. It's just my brain doesn't know how to make it sound good with words yet.

I'll get there... 😅

To get back to the point I seem to keep deviating from as I reminisce over older works and my author journey as a whole: I have come very far.

My first Alan Becker fanfic, was A Second's Tale. Which, until Super Sticks appeared, remained my most popular fic.

It started so SO simply. All I knew was, "NEW HYPERFIXATION GO BRRR!" and "I wanna write a fanfic and post it"

Then it escalated.

The AVA/AVM fandom is still my all-time favorite, and I think it's honestly going to stay that way forever. It's definitely the longest fixation I've ever had.

All my others are dormant, or active in spurts. I have a list of like, 60? 65? fandoms I'm into, lol.

Uhm, anyways, yeah.

That's the summary.

Man, that's another thing I suck at. Summarization.

Look at this long schpiel of words!!

No one gonna read this. XD

TL;DR

I have come far from the 3rd grade.

I still aim to make a difference. Make someone's day with my weird unique sense of humor. Make others inspired. ;]

And my imagination go brrrr for ideas. Dreams are just the best thing ever.

Thanks for coming to my ted talk--

[genericpuff]

How has rekindled impacted your original work? Ive seen some people on the ULO subreddit asking about it 👀

Ouu, great question, but buckle up because that means I'm about to go off LMAO

I'd say it's less that Rekindled has impacted my original work and more like my original work has impacted/influenced Rekindled? Like, there are so many things in the original LO that I can totally resonate with, from its character archetypes to some of its (attempted) themes, so making Rekindled has unexpectedly become a really good fit just because I've been spending the last decade working on a project that now feels like part of the groundwork for it. It's like Time Gate unknowingly became the training manual for Rekindled. Obv that's not 100% true because Rekindled is just a foefiction project I started up out of spite, but the only reason I'm able to write and draw Rekindled as it is now is partly thanks to Time Gate and all the blunders I made and learned from working on it the past 10+ years.

And if you don't believe me when I say that LO and subsequently Rekindled have a lot in common with Time Gate? Hoo boy, there are a ton of big and little things that can be pointed out between them. Whether that means I was always meant to make a foefiction for LO or if Rachel and I are both just that basic, no matter what the underlying explanation is it worked out well and I think it's why I enjoy working on Rekindled so much, it feels like a fresh twist on an old look.

CW: blood, violence, mild mention of trauma

Like, you want the dichotomy between Persephone and her wrathful side? Have some Uzuki and her parasitism.

You want the reluctant relationship between Hades and Persephone who are from completely different worlds and have no business working together? Have some Uzuki and Mitsuhiro.

You want the interpersonal conflicts and contrasting worldbuilding of Olympus and the Underworld? Unifreya (the Light Realm) and the Trinity's Vigil (the Dark Realm).

Shit, we even have a self-insert OC who's a victim of severe physical and mental trauma who doesn't remember what she went through because the guy she's with took matters into his own hands and erased her memories of what she went through, instead of allowing her to make her own decisions in her healing.

And yes, we've got a tyrannical time-manipulating god, too.

Anyways, all that aside, I've definitely been finding people going back and reading Time Gate since I started Rekindled, my monthly view count has also gone up since I went on hiatus with it, so I suppose Rekindled has impacted Time Gate in that way. Though it's no guarantee that if you like Rekindled you'll like Time Gate, it's quite an old series and it's gone through a lot of growing pains LOL but it definitely shares a lot of the same characterizations and themes so it at least has that going for it! See what I'm like when I'm not purely writing out of spite LMAO

Speaking honestly - and just because it's been on my mind a lot lately so your question was perfectly timed - I've been struggling to get back to Time Gate. On the one hand it's been great to work through the burnout by pre-occupying myself with another, fresher project (Time Gate's been on hiatus since about December/January), but on the other hand it's making it harder to get back to Time Gate because that's like asking me to try and squeeze into old outfits that don't fit me anymore? Like, I still love the style and the aesthetic, I still totally want to wear it, but I'm trying to figure out how to transition it into a bigger size that fits better. IDK if that analogy works here but that's just the first thing that came to my mind... and as I said above, it's been on my mind a lot lately.

I'm hoping, at the very least, that anyone who does find Time Gate through Rekindled enjoys it. I'd like to get back to it eventually, I just don't know when that time is. This isn't my first burnout sesh, I know I'm capable of bouncing back as I have many times in the past, but right now it just doesn't feel like a comfortable fit. I need to rest, to do other things, to give my brain something new to chew on. Rekindled is definitely helping a lot with that, especially with all the similarities it naturally shares with Time Gate, it's like I get to have my cake and nibble a bit of it too LOL I owe it a lot for that and I hope I can some day make room for both Time Gate and Rekindled. I have a feeling they'd get along great.

[kyuohki]

4, 10, 19!

Alright! Let's do this!

4. a story idea you haven’t written yet

Ooof. There are many. One is Seraï's past! I'm still plotting out to how she is related to the Queen, and how/why the Queen did what she did. Also some more Teaks/Valere (bc most of what I've been writing has been m/m or m/f, and I've never really written anything for f/f...they're so cute together, I figure it would be good starting point!)

There's also my Zelda OC (not an OC!Zelda, but a character I built waaay back in 90s with Link to the Past (who may have been related to Link *cough*). There's my FF7 fic idea (more based on the original, than the remake), again with the OCs...

I made a lot of OCs that started out as self inserts, and played with all the characters like dolls in my head, eventually making some characters I'm really attached to. (I'm still a bit apprehensive on writing them out and posting them, as they're so self-indulgent, but they make me happy, so why should I care if someone else doesn't like it??)

10. what is the longest amount of time you’ve let a draft rest before you finished it?

Longest I think I managed was a couple days? I am very guilty of wanting to share *right now* and practically hovering over the f5 button after posting.... ^u^;; (Then read through it later and realize all the typos and wonky lines, or have a better idea for a section...but I'm very guilty of thinking that since it's posted, then it's "finished," and try to refrain from sweeping edits after the fact? Silly reason, but I've had fav fics from other authors who have re-written and replaced fic, and realized I never got the chance to save the original that I loved. I don't want to do that to anyone who has enjoyed my fic (which is why Discarded Hope will stay in it's original form, when I re-write the newer ver.)

19. the most interesting topic you’ve researched for a fic

This goes to an AssCreed supposed-to-be-crackfic. Essentially Ezio get's shrunk and turned into cat-boy, where Leonardo finds him. I fell into a "what the heck did people eat back then?" rabbit hole, bc I needed the cuteness of tiny!Ezio being fed by Leonardo, and wanted to be accurate. For a crackfic. Don't remember if I ever found exactly what I was looking for, but I remember some of the results to be surprising.

[100-yardstare]

I am finally done with Normal 2!! I started the original Normal in 2015 after seeing the movie for the first time, and I loved it so much! Can't believe out of all the fandoms I've ever been in, the POM movie was the one that got me writing a 119k+ fic and an entire sequel. The only other fic I wrote a novel length fic for was for Wreck-it Ralph.

Felt like writing a bit about my process behind the scenes as a way to send it off officially:

I love writing first person, especially self inserts. I can picture myself in situations very easily and my emotions tend to spill out with the perspective.

After reading my fics over a few times and reading some of my reader commentary, I've been told that my insert is "loud" and one time was told I was "obnoxious" and "mean", but tbh viewing the fic by taking a step back and re-reading made me realize this is my loud inner voice and may be attributed to my ADHD!!

Speaking of self discovery, my statements in the fic such as not being able to sweat, fainting, feeling like I might piss myself, etc were supposed to be just funny statements, but in conjunction with my discussion of my inserts "illness" I was actually writing about my dysautonomia before I actually knew what it was! I was diagnosed January 2023, so it's kinda interesting seeing my writing reflect my disability.

I am unashamed of the fact that I wrote Dailey as being a messy relationship that grew and had its ups and downs. I like angst in my ships anyway, so this one was no exception even being a self insert. Dave is a bad guy, and Kailey is, well... me, totally not perfect, weird, working with a bad guy as if she has no choice. They both did really crappy stuff, and THAT'S THE POINT!! I actually wrote a sequel because I knew the ship had a whole lot more to go development wise.

While the first fic generalized a commentary on what it meant to be "normal", when I wrote the sequel I wanted to touch base on different aspects of society, what is normalized, and what it considers beautiful. I write this in outside characters other than my insert, but it manifests in my inserts "turning into a monster" story arc. I am often alienated from being beautiful (how I dress, whether I wear makeup or not), how I behave (my ADHD, my introverted-ness, my emotional disregulation, etc.) my sexuality (I am asexual not interested in sexual relationships), and my physical disability (incapable of keeping up with what is expected of me in jobs, obligations, etc.). In the end the hope is to allow my true self to shine, hence breaking the "curse" of the Medusa Serum in the end.

In extension, my alienation and turning into a monster arc emphasized my negative emotions as being made an outsider or not deemed good enough by society, and how that brings out the worst part of you. I had this resolved by working through this in a relationship because I believe the foundation of mental well being is being part of a community or sharing your burdens with others.

When I decided to make the characters that were turned into monsters with the influence of the QCUs, I was watching Dragon Ball at the same time, and thought the scenes where Goku gets shot and just goes "Oww, that hurts!" without being hurt, was hilarious and ended up putting that trait in my fic.

I probably have a lot more facts in my head that I am not remembering at this moment but here are some of my thought processes for now! I am very thankful for all the support I had writing this fic. Dave and Kailey's story is over from a writing standpoint but I def see there being a lot of open story ideas/extras that I would love to talk about so if anyone is ever interested please shoot me an ask!

[acircusfullofdemons]

ask game by @/maddgical-boy [link]. didn't answer some bc I either didn't feel like it or didn't have an answer.

how long have you been daydreaming for? (bonus if you can remember: what was your first daydream scenario/paracosm?)

Ever since I was a little kid. My teachers would always make a note along the lines of “good student, but daydreams way too much”. My memory is dogshit so I can only fathom what 6yo Luka was daydreaming about.

if your paracosm had a popular fandom, what do you think it'd be like?

Well. 2/3 of my main paracosms are technically fictparacosms, so I don’t have to imagine. But overall, a nightmare. I would probably get canceled for cursing out a fan lbr 💀

do you have any paracosms that aren't huge, but that you fall back on when The Time Is Right™️?

Yes! Crystalized Dragons & Life After Death are both paracosms that don’t have much, but I get fixated on them every so often and it’s a fun time. 

WOULD YOU RATHER: have your daydreams projected onto a screen attached to your head at all times OR be entirely unable to daydream ever again for the rest of your life?

😳 how big is this screen ... cuz unless it’s phone size/easily coverable, yeah no just erase the daydreams from my brain.

how did you come up with your paras' names? did they come to you randomly or did you spend hours researching name websites?

Some are random/based on vibes, but I like to give their names meaning depending on what happens to them. And there are others whose name is a pun, because they aren’t tormented enough 😂

do you do extensive worldbuilding for your paracosms? if you do, what are some of your favorite elements?

yes … that is. nearly all i do, like 90% of my daydreaming is just lore shit ngl. there’s a lot of things I like about worldbuilding, but I guess the magic systems are my favorite since I think about them the most. 

if your paras found out you were their creator, how would they react?

Not well, I’d imagine! I’ve put them through … a lot of shit. So. I think they’d take turns cursing me out and trying to kill me.

if you have a self insert/paraself, how similar are they to you?

Technically Calypso is a self insert, he was originally supposed to be one but then I thought he was better as an OC. I kind of still consider him one though, ngl. Anyway, he’s nothing like me at all! 

Vincent, on the other hand, is much more similar to me. I’m not gonna state how, because yknow. Personal shit. But they’re more in line with being a self insert/paraself. 

is there any time of the day where you can't/don't daydream?

… not really?? I guess during work, but unless it’s really busy (which it rarely is unless it’s the holidays) then yeah, I basically daydream all the time. Well, not like 24/7, I take breaks and get daydream blocks. And it’s not like I’m doing full daydreams either, most of it is just running on in the background, like a tv show. 

are your daydreams linear and structured, or do you jump all over the place?

A mix of both! There’s a set story, but I jump around in said story. 

what's a song you've been daydreaming to lately, and what's your favorite moment in said daydream?

My Alcoholic Friends by The Dresden Dolls. My favorite moment is during the lyrics “Should I choose a noble occupation? / If I did I'd only show up late and sick / And they would stare at me with hatred / Plus my only natural talent's wasted on my alcoholic friends” because the whole song reminds me of Salem but especially that part and by god are they a mess. That part in particular is them once again comparing themselves to Norman, wondering if she’d be better off getting a “normal job” like he has, but knowing that ultimately she’s not built for that life like Norman is. 

do your paras age with you, or are their ages static? does it feel weird to be older than a para you were previously the same age as?

I used to have them age with me, but it fucked with the paracosm timeline a little bit so now I think they’re more “static”, though they still age in-paracosm. bc of timeline shit.

if you had the opportunity to leave this world and live in your paracosm forever, would you? why or why not?

Yes. I mean, ideally I’d be one of my paras, but sure I guess if I’m just me that works too. Why? Have you seen the fucking world lately. Anyway like always I’d choose to live in Phantasmagoria, even though I’d get killed within the hour.

(if you have multiple) which paracosm of yours is most grounded in reality? which is most fantastical?

Most fantastical is probably just Eternal Labyrinth as a whole. I don’t really focus a whole lot on realism in my daydreams — fantasy bitch through & through — but I guess my current MaaC AU “This Life is Mine” can be considered the most “grounded”, even though it’s a superhero thing.

do you move a lot when daydreaming, and if so, in what ways?

I pace, run around a little bit. Go crazy go stupid etc. But I try to mostly stay still by sitting or laying down so I don’t seem Weird. 

have you ever wanted to make a piece of media of your paracosm (comic, animation, visual novel, novel, tv show, etc.)? what are elements that would be apart of it?

Oh absolutely! I truly believe a lot of my ‘cosms would work well as VNs, but I’ve also imagined some as animated shows. 

when you actively want to start daydreaming, what is your mind's process? do you tune back in like it's a tv show? flip through imaginary files? let it come naturally?

I kinda tune back in with a mini “previously on”, otherwise it just comes naturally since they’re usually in the background of my mind.

do you ever daydream about yourself (not a self insert, just you)?

No. I used to, but it just felt weird. 

what para would you absolutely hate in real life?

Oh…a LOT of them, probably. They are dumbasses, serial killers, and just terrible people after all.

when you experience a daydream block or crash, what are things you do to try and fix it? (or ways you cope. lmao i get it)

I try to consume new media to try and get some inspo or whatever. Most of the time I end up rewatching the same shit over and over again bc I got that flavor of brain that makes getting into new media hard for some reason. 

for fictparacosms, do your daydreams affect how you perceive the media and/or the fandom?

Kind of. I don’t really engage with fandoms that much anymore, and yeah my fictparacosms tend to be why. They’re usually AUs so I already feel…insecure, I guess, sharing them. And I haven’t had good experiences with fandom in the past, either.

With the media it’s based off of, it’s typically something I got hyperfixated on, which means my daydreams are an outlet for that lol. Once the hyperxitation is over the paracosm tends to fade a little bit or disappear entirely (which is why I don’t typically talk about my fictparacosms — they’re so short lived). Still, when it’s active, there comes a point where I stop engaging with the media altogether in favor of the fictparacom. I might watch some clips here and there, but that’s about it I think.

if you ever write down things about your daydreams (truly anything at all — notes, dialogues, descriptions, etc), share a random snippet with no context.

I try to. I was a lot…better(?) at writing down my daydreams — and just writing in general, I guess — when I was younger. idk. I know I should document my daydreams more often, it’s just…hard.

if your paras had madd/daydreamed immersively, what would they daydream about?

Reverie does have MaDD! She daydreamed about having a daughter, though thinking of her daydreams is weird to me. I will say, Rev is the goddess of daydreams & imagination, and made her para daughter, Lucid/Lucinda real, making her the goddess of lucid dreams. idk thats kinda all I know.

I’m sure some of my paras would have MaDD, especially those in AM or have interacted with Arcaynis in some way. Oh, Jervis has MaDD! He has two paracosms: an aiw one, and one about magicians. I don’t really like putting my paras on the daydream spectrum, it feels weird to me lol like breaking the fourth wall in a way. Even if, realistically, a few would indeed be MaDDers/IDDers. 

if you have tried to make your paras in character makers (picrew, meiker, etc), what is an aspect of your para that these makers never/rarely have?

An option for both horns and wings! Usually it’s either or (if an option at all). And the option to make the eyes different colors, or change the whites of the eyes. 

are your daydreams clear in your mind's eye?

Depends on my energy level, but generally speaking, yes. 

if you have multiple paracosms, what would it be like if they had a crossover?

Chaos. Pure, unadulterated chaos. My most fleshed out crossover AU is actually an apocalypse au, if that tells you anything. Granted, none of my paras caused the apocalypse, but still. Why can y'all only interact in an apocalypse goddamn.

[starvingpenguin]

1 and 18 for Caitlyn and Baccus.

omg hi tabby :3

I ended up going a little nuts so I'm putting this under a read-more

Caitlyn:

What was the first element of your OC that you remember considering (name, appearance, backstory, etc.)? 

I don’t even really remember designing Caitlyn, since she’s been around since I first started playing Skylanders as a kid. For certain her name was set in stone immediately, as I don’t usually go back and forth with names, except in very rare cases, but her design and backstory have changed pretty significantly over the years.

The original version of the Big Fic I wanted to do for Skylanders was a very typical story for the time: 10 possible Portal Masters from Earth are summoned to Skylands and have magic high school drama, but Caitlyn was meant to be the one closest Eon as a sort of “chief apprentice”/the 11th Portal Master and - shock horror - was an enormous late-stage villain. I hated this draft (even as a child!) because I just didn’t like most of the characters I was making, but as I’ve gotten older I realize that the source of Caitlyn’s motive in that first draft was a lot more compelling if she was played as a hero. 

But her name was always consistent. 

What is the most recent thing you’ve discovered about your OC?

Caitlyn’s greatest strength and weakness is identical: her unwavering faith in the innate goodness of people. Sometimes, this is a great thing and she’ll find an ally in strange packaging, but other times it’ll get her into a serious amount of trouble that she may not be able to escape on her own.

That being said, I’ve had Caitlyn as an OC for so long that I don’t really have big breakthroughs with her anymore. The most I’ll get these days is parallels she has to other, newer OCs and Skylanders. 

Bacchus:

What was the first element of your OC that you remember considering (name, appearance, backstory, etc.)?

Bacchus was originally supposed to be a stock standard self-insert I could play with, so I remember making the conscious choices of leaving his backstory blank, aligning him with Fire (because apparently I’m allergic to writing a self-insert without bringing Fire into it), giving him my ideal body, and slapping my name on him because at the time I was still testing the waters with being called Sam. 

But then I drew that goddamn picture of him and Caitlyn together, then made the realization that he was going to outgrow what was originally just supposed to be a fun doodle. In some way too, seeing him with Caitlyn, a character I made as an unhappy girl trying to connect with whatever shred of femininity I could love, made me realize that I have grown up.

So his appearance has stayed the same, but his purpose has changed significantly.

What is the most recent thing you’ve discovered about your OC?

Bacchus is a very straightforward character with very little left to discover about him, but one of the last things I did settle with was his sense of justice and purpose, which are rather important parts of a person’s self-concept. He knows he is a criminal, so when he is caught, he has no qualms about being punished. That’s who he is, and that’s how society will punish him. But when he discovers his portal magic, suddenly nothing goes to plan, and he’s stuck between two very different states of being. 

Being (perceived) a threat is comfortable to him, being (perceived) a symbol of hope is so deeply unsettling that he resists any change like a wild animal. 

[bacon-sandwich-of-dionysus]

Winter Solstice Writing Event!

Thank you @cuckoo-on-a-string for making this event and letting me take part this year!

Okay, so I've written a small, albeit slightly confusing, short from my original work! It's quite a personal piece, I'm basically using a self-insert here lol to somehow write away my stress as a med student- as well as toying with a new character concept.

For context, the short is set after a disaster involving Cain and a group of women who have been instructed by Satan to destroy Cain. However, one of these women ended up betraying the group, allowing Cain to massacre them, as she couldn't bring herself to kill her own son (I'm sure you can guess who this woman is now lol).

Excuse the grammar mishaps and I hope you enjoy!

Warnings: Strong language, mentions of struggling mental health and violence.

“So, how have you been settling in?”

Ah, she had spoken the sacred words and now Nasrin had to make the difficult decision of whether it was appropriate to answer honestly, precisely measure the exact extent of honesty or just simply lie.

They sat opposite each other, like opponents in a heated game of chess. Except, instead of ornate pieces on a very posh chequered board, between Nasrin and her tutor was a desk with two steaming cups of tea and a small plate of biscuits, delicately placed in an appealing pile, calling out for the girl to grab them by the fistful and shove them down her mouth. She was actually starving, having skipped breakfast to make it to this meeting. Nasrin had banked on her internal clock waking her up in time once she switched her alarm off, except that hadn’t happened and the poor girl had woken up with only ten minutes to get out the door and to her module review.

“Good!” She smiled, crossing one leg over the other. “Yeah, good. Been settling in well.”

“That’s great to hear. I know it can be difficult and a big change. I’m assuming you came straight from secondary school, right? No gap year?”

She nodded.

“How have you been handling the workload?”

“It’s a lot but I’m coping.”

“Yeah. It’s a big jump, isn’t it?”

“Yup,” she replied, her cheeks growing tired from keeping that polite smile on her face.

Nasrin could feel something rising in her. This year had been rough. Absolutely rough. What was supposed to be a fresh start, had began with tears, trauma and madness. Her blank slate had been tainted… with the literal Mark of Cain.

The girl couldn’t quite shake the feeling that she was in danger. It had finished. The Incident. And yet, Nasrin felt she was still somehow there. She had moved to a different universe, to a different part of the country, to the university of her dreams, doing a degree she had wanted to do for years, and still, she was back there.

Dried blood had made her clothes stiff. Her muscles had burned, aching, screaming for her to just give up. She had been on the ground, helpless, cut down by his men. As she looked up, through the eyeholes of her mask, a layer of sweat building on her face, Nasrin watched as he took one of the others by her hair, dragging her across the floor. The amber glow of dying fires surrounded them, along with screams. The rolling flames were reflected in her glossy eyes, adrenaline soaring through her, but doing little, apart from making her pulse pound in her ears.

He was there mere metres from her, open, no guards around him, dragging Nasrin’s comrade like she was naught but a heavy sack. He had a limp thanks to that huge gash in his thigh, a gift from Nasrin herself, when she had managed to get close enough.

Cain.

There had been a plan. A nice, simple plan. Everything had been accounted for: all possibilities apart from betrayal. The one who they had all looked up to couldn’t bring herself to do what needed to be done.

Nasrin remembered it all too well. The hole. The tear in space-time. Someone giving word to Cain and his men. The perfect window for revenge.

What should have been ‘detain and defeat’ became a fight for their lives.

Pick it up!

“What?” she had whispered.

Pick it up!

A disembodied voice growled in her head.

The sword! The sword is there! Pick it up!

Pick it up!

Pick it up!

Pick it up!

It demanded with heavy disdain for her. She was pathetic, writhing in her own blood, like a maggot in filth. Helpless. Weak. Beaten.

You’re supposed to be strong! You’re supposed to cope! Pick. It. Up.

She had pushed herself off the ground with all the strength she had. Then, she crawled forward, feeling around for whatever weapon that voice was hinting at. Once it was within arm’s reach, her fingers curled around the hilt and-

Now, lie.

Suddenly, Nasrin was back in the room, under flickering white ceiling light, with her tutor in front of her, staring at her with mild concern.

“Nasrin?” the woman asked, tilting her head to one side, “You alright, dear? You look a bit pallid.”

Lie.

“I’m fine. Just recovering from fresher’s flu, you know how it is,” Nasrin chuckled nervously.

“Oh of course! Always something going around. Just looking at your self-reflection, you mentioned you had anxiety, how have you been finding coping with that?”

This was probably a good opportunity to find out where the counselling services were for healthcare students, but the girl’s eyes fell on the clock on the wall behind her tutor. Was it even right to open this Pandora’s box right at the tail-end of their meeting? Drop a massive bomb on her tutor, admit she was actually not doing alright and then piss off back to her accommodation?

Lie.  

He thought she should lie. The stupid, overbearing eldritch fuckwit in the back of her mind. He was one to bloody talk, being so-called all-powerful and all-knowing and yet being completely blindsided by The Incident and Cain’s subsequent rampage.

At the same time, though, a part of Nasrin that wasn’t governed by the literal Devil, also thought it best to just lie and take her leave. It was embarrassing, coming into a degree and a job that you knew damn well was stressful as all hell and having a condition which makes you struggle with stress. She was a medical student for crying out loud! How would it look if a medical student, a future doctor, was riddled with anxiety?

Furthermore, why the fuck was she doing a damn medical degree when her part-time job was being a literal acolyte of Satan?!

What was she doing here?

And how had she not broken down already?

You’re supposed to be strong.

Ah, that was it.

[backwards-readings]

The Door that was Never Supposed to be Opened.

Chapter 3: A Prisoner in a Guest Room

{Chapter 1} {Chapter 2} {Chapter 4}

{A/N: This was originally posted on AO3, if you would like to read it there you can find it HERE. I'm going to be straight up with you and tell you that this is pretty much a self-indulgent self-insert fic. I'm not gonna lie. If you don't like that, that's cool, have a good day. But if you're DTF with it, let's get right into the story.}

{Art Credit: (Also check out her comics!)

Soft and silky fabric is the first thing that registers, even before I open my eyes. The next is voices yelling, but one in particular jumps out to me. It’s Ms. Downard. She’s furious, more cross than when she found out one of the maids had been stealing for weeks. But I can’t make out the words- only the tone.

There’s a second voice, the young master Burgess. He’s also yelling. But I can’t focus. I’m trying so hard to make out the words but none of them come to me. I try to open my eyes but my body is not my own. I can’t move, can’t yell out. I’m so tired. So very tired. And my head hurts.

Maybe I’ll just rest for a bit longer.

I don’t know how long I’m out for. Could have been minutes or days. When I first am able to open my eyes, Ms. Downard is sitting across from me on a chair with her head hung low, resting it in her hands. I grumble and she shoots up, coming to my side and giving me a bit of water. We’re in one of the guest rooms of the house, not the servant’s quarters like I’m used to. There’s a faint crackle of a fire, and the smell of burning wood hangs in the air. I’ve never stayed anywhere besides the servants' quarters. I don’t know how I got here

“Don’t try to move too much, Dear. We don’t want you straining yourself.” She looks sad as she takes a wet towel and wipes my forehead.

“What happened?” I try to sit up but am pushed gently back down. The last thing I can clearly remember is being told that most of us were being let go. I went to go pack and then- nothing.

“I’m so sorry. I should have made you leave when you first found him. I should have fired you on the spot.” She sniffles and moves a wet strand of hair from my face. I look her in the eyes and see that they’re red and puffy. She’s been crying.

“I knew you would try to free him. You have a good heart, a better one than I do.” tears begin to fall from her face, as she speaks. I start to remember what happened. I tried to help him, I wanted to free him. But Alex found me.

“I was too cowardly to do it myself. I’m so sorry, Patricia.” She cries as I try to slowly sit up again, this time she helps me.

“What’s stopping you from doing it now? He doesn’t deserve to be a prisoner. We can free him. If you distract the Master I’m sure I could-” I move to get up but Ms Downard puts a hand on my shoulder and pushes me back down.

“Enough of that. Master Alex could have killed you! He nearly did.” She stands and moves to the door. She takes a key out of her pocket and unlocks the door. “I’ll be back in a bit. You need your rest.” She wipes the last few tears from her face and exits the room. A moment later, I hear the click of the lock.

I listen to her footsteps dissipate and wait for a moment in complete silence before throwing the blanks away from me and swinging my legs over the bed. When I try to stand up, the floor begins to sway and my head begins to throb. I quickly sit back down and focus on my breathing before trying to once again stand.

This time, I don’t get woozy but my head still throbs. I make my way over to the door and try the handle, hoping that the clicking of the lock was just my imagination. The handle doesn’t turn, and as I pull on the door my legs threaten to give out. I press my head against the door, attempting again to steady myself. I walk back to the bed and sit down. A flood of emotions overcome me and tears begin to fall, blurring my vision.

How could Master Burgess do this to me? How could Ms Downard? I’ve worked for them since I was 16. I’m a prisoner in the house I’ve called home for five years. I should have never gone into that room. After being loyal for so long, they just turned their back on me like a common criminal. I lay back down and curl onto my side, letting the tears flow freely.

After a bit, the throbbing in the back of my head lulls me into a restless slumber.

~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~

I don’t see anyone for a few days. I wake up, find fresh food and water on the table, and sit feeling empty for hours and hours with nothing to do until I fall back asleep and repeat the cycle. Eventually, I get bored and rummage around the room. There’s an attached bathroom that is pretty empty, save for the necessary toiletries. The wardrobe is entirely barren, as well as the vanity and bedside tables. There is a journal and a few pencils in the drawer of the writing desk, but nothing else. An empty bookshelf sits collecting dust instead of stories, so I decide to take the journal and read the private words of its owner.

On the cover of the journal in ornate letters, it reads “Macsen Lewis.” I turn to the front page and begin reading. The journal is mostly empty, with the first few pages filled with numbers. It looks to be an expense ledger. I carefully rip out those first few pages and sit, pondering what to write in the book. I could write my last testament, but I don't own anything worthwhile. I could write how horrid Alex Burgess is, but I doubt anyone will ever find this, or even care.

So instead of writing, I draw. I’m not the most skilled, but I enjoyed doing it in my free time. I start with little flowers and butterflies, and then draw the chair in the room, and a few other inanimate objects. The little bit of stimulation gives me a rush of hope, and I want more. More drawing, more ideas. So I start to draw a person. At first, I think it should be Ms Downard, but then I remember that she is partly at fault for me still being here, so I scribble her out. Everyone I’ve known for the last five years has been in this house, and I don’t want to draw any of them. I don’t even want to think of any of them. Until one face pops into my mind: The man in the basement. Dream of the Endless, as Master Burgess called him.

His face begins to form in my head. His stark black hair against his sharp cheekbones. His eyes that seem to sparkle like the stars when the light hits them just right. He had an odd beauty to him, something that lures you in but also scares you. His face starts to take shape on the paper as my pencil glides over the sheet. It’s not great, but it somewhat resembles him. I can’t seem to get his face shape right, and his eyes don’t really look right either.

I eventually give up and lay back down on the bed, holding the journal to my chest. I close my eyes to sleep again, but the sleep doesn’t come, so I just lay there. After a minute I hear footsteps approaching my door, and the lock clicks. The door swings open and Ms. Downard comes in, carrying a tray of food. I sit up without a word and watch her pace it on the table, removing the empty one. I eye the open door as she does this, and begin to slowly move.

“I would advise against that. You’ll be caught and brought back to this room before you can even make it to the front door.” She says, turning to me with the empty tray in her hands.

“Please, Miss. Just let me go- I won’t tell anyone. I’ll leave and I won’t ever look back. No one even has to know that it was you that let me go, just leave the door unlocked and I’ll leave quietly. Please.” I stand up and approach her, placing my hand over hers on the handle of the tray. She pulls away and shakes her head.

“I’m sorry, Patricia.” She makes her way towards the door. My anger begins to bubble as she turns her back to me, and I harshly grab her shoulder, stopping her.

“You were right- you are a coward! And you’ll burn in hell for letting this happen! All I wanted was to set that innocent man free. He is no devil and you know it!” I yell at her and she quickly turns as a sharp pain spreads across my cheek. Her hand still hangs in the air from the movement of the slap.

“You stupid girl, I was trying to protect you. I have served this family for longer than you’ve been alive. I owe them my entire life. It would do you some good to have the same loyalty to them that I do.”

“The same loyalty?” I scoff, the sting of the slap fueling my anger. “They fired me! I am not the one that needs to be lectured on loyalty. I have been here for five years, this is the only home I have known for so long. They took my loyalty and they spat on it. And so did you.” I turn back to the bed and sit down, not looking at her. Eventually, I hear her sigh and walk away, the familiar click of the lock making my stomach sink like a stone.