#I really probably should finish that book
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Heyy!! first of all your writing is SO GOOD i have come across an amazing writer such as yourself in a long long time. I was wondering if you could write something for remus lupin with the promt 44 in the list? probably like co-workers to lovers kind of a thing. i love him sm i wish he were real ( not that i'd have a chance but still ). THANK YOU SM <33 LOTS OF LOVE
STOP IT, you're making me blush!! You’re so sweet, and I appreciate you taking the time to tell me that—you’ve officially made my day!!
ivy's 1k celebration ❄️ navigation ❄️ prompt list
ˋ°•*⁀➷ REMUS LUPIN #44: "Tell me three reasons why I should put up with you." "Well, for starters, I'm cute."
You leaned against the staffroom door, your eyes locked on the brooding figure hunched over a pile of essays. The quill in Remus Lupin’s hand moved furiously, his brows furrowed in concentration. Honestly, he looked a bit like a kicked puppy—a really cute, endearingly grumpy puppy.
"Oi, Lupin." You sauntered in, plopping into the chair opposite him. "You look like you’re grading the downfall of humanity, not essays."
Without looking up, he muttered, "If you'd read this one, you’d think the same."
You laughed, the sound bright in the dull, parchment-scented room. "Careful, Professor Lupin, your grumpiness is showing."
Remus sighed, finally meeting your gaze, his tired eyes tinged with exasperation. "Some of us take our work seriously."
"And some of us," you shot back with a smirk, "know how to have fun while doing it. You should try it sometime—fun, I mean. It’s delightful."
His lips twitched, almost forming a smile, but he caught himself. "Why are you here, anyway? I thought you were done for the day."
"I was," you said, leaning forward conspiratorially, "but I heard you were holed up here, looking like a medieval monk. Thought I’d check on you."
"How thoughtful," he deadpanned, though the faintest blush dusted his cheeks.
You grinned, knowing you were getting to him. "You’re welcome. Now, I demand your attention for at least five minutes."
"Why?" he asked, tilting his head and raising a brow.
"Because I’m adorable," you quipped, twirling a strand of hair.
"Debatable," he shot back, though his cheeks flushed pinker.
"Rude," you gasped, clutching your chest like he'd just insulted your honor. "You wound me, Lupin."
His lips curved into the tiniest smile, and you knew you had him.
"Fine," he said, sitting back and crossing his arms. "You want my attention? Tell me three reasons why I should put up with you."
You leaned forward, resting your chin on your hand, your smirk growing. "Well, for starters, I’m cute."
"Debatable," he repeated, but his voice was softer, teasing.
"And second," you continued, ignoring him, "I make your dull, miserable days brighter with my sparkling wit and charm."
His eyes rolled, but you caught the corner of his mouth twitching.
"And third," you finished with a dramatic sigh, "you secretly like me and would miss me terribly if I stopped bothering you."
For a moment, he said nothing, his eyes studying you like you were one of his more perplexing students. You felt your pulse quicken, the usual banter hanging in the air like a question left unanswered.
Then he smiled—small and shy, but genuine—and looked down at the essays in front of him.
"You’re insufferable," he said, but there was no heat behind it.
"You’re blushing, Lupin," you teased, your grin widening.
"I’m not," he mumbled, his ears now undeniably red.
"Oh, you are. I win."
"Win what?" he asked, glancing up at you again.
"Whatever this is," you said, motioning between the two of you.
"Well," he said softly, "if this is winning, I think I’m alright with losing."
Your heart skipped a beat, his words sinking in. Was Remus Lupin—grumpy, shy, always-buried-in-books Remus Lupin—flirting with you?
"Careful, Lupin," you said, leaning back in your chair, though your voice was softer now. "You keep talking like that, and I might start to think you like me."
He chuckled, the sound low and warm, and for the first time, he didn’t deny it.
#ivy's soft scribbles ೀ#ivy's 1k celebration ✧₊⁺#frost bite ❄️#remus lupin fluff#remus lupin x reader#remus lupin
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"Candy Says" - Lou Reed, Kongress Zentrum, Hamburg, Germany, March 29, 1979
I just finished Candy Darling: Dreamer, Icon, Superstar, Cynthia Carr's in-depth bio of the transgender pioneer. As meticulously researched and detailed as the book is, Candy remains something of an enigma — but that's probably as it should be. The world she lived in wasn't really ready for someone as forthright and honest about who she was. Are we even ready for her today? I don't know, but maybe we're more ready. Candy was a complicated character, so calling her "heroic" feels a little reductive, but she certainly was brave. Candy says: "It doesn't matter who we were. Only who we are."
Like any regular Lou Reed obsessive, I was introduced to Candy Darling via two songs: "Walk On The Wild Side" and "Candy Says." The former tune Lou played hundreds (thousands?) of times onstage. The latter didn't get as much attention — at least until Lou could hand it off to ANOHNI in the 2000s. Reed was obviously (and rightly) proud of this song, but he wasn't sure if he was the right person to sing it.
However, he did bring "Candy Says" to the stage a handful of times during The Bells tour in 1979, giving it a lavish, luxuriously pretty arrangement, Marty Fogel's flute fluttering around Lou's passionate vocals. It's almost like a late 70s Van Morrison version, stretching out to nearly 10 minutes, drifting into a reverie as Reed (I think it's Lou, at least) plays a gorgeous "I'm Set Free"-ish guitar solo. Dreamer, Icon, Superstar tells us that Candy and Lou weren't exactly close, but listening to this "Candy Says" you have no doubt that Lou was one of the few who could see her clearly.
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Okay, EVERYONE, listen.
This feels like roughly the one hundredth time that I've seen someone on this earth complain about the antisemitism on Wikipedia. And I need us all to understand just one thing:
WE ARE WIKIPEDIA!!!!!!!!
Every single one of us has just as much power to edit that freaking page and put in the information from the Holocaust Encyclopedia as whoever fucked it up did.
You don't even need to make a Wikipedia account.
(But it's easier to keep track of what you change, and discuss changes with people, if you do.)
You can add anything you can back up with a citation.
(You can, in fact, also add things you CAN'T back up with a citation. As I'm sure we've all noticed. And I might as well point out here that you can ALSO add things you can't back up, and put in citations that DO NOT BACK UP WHAT YOU SAID.
You shouldn't. And hopefully, people like me will notice and change it. But you CAN.
My point here is actually that when you're doing research about something important and complicated, you should always click through to see what the source cited really says.
Because frequently, someone will be wrong about either what they're writing, or whether their source backs it up. This happens in academic papers too. Critical thinking is hard.)
You write whatever you want. You type the period. Then you type in your citation.
Under the cut, I'll show you how. It's really easy. Or you can use Wikipedia's guide!
It even lets you preview your changes before you finish, so you know if you're making a mess.
And there's a place where you can briefly explain why you're editing it. Like "adding details about Nazi connections," or "correcting punctuation."
And yes. Not all of us can edit every article on Wikipedia; "controversial" topics are frequently locked so that only "extended-confirmed" editors can change them. (Which just means "people who are logged in and have made at least 500 edits.")
But you can join in the discussions on those articles.
And on Wikipedia, "they're too Zionist!" is not an acceptable argument.
Sometimes people "watch" an article to get notified when it changes. (You can do this too!)
Sometimes they do that so they can revert the exact kind of change you're there to make.
But they have to put in a reason for reverting it. Which means you can also change it back, argue them out of it, or make changes to make it work. (example under the cut!)
The way you add a citation/reference looks like html gibberish salad. But it basically goes:
put in a tag that says "ref," so it automatically gets added to the list of references cited at the bottom of the Wikipedia page;
put in "cite" and what you're citing, like a book, a video, a website, a journal. Getting the type right doesn't really seem to be a big deal. In this case, you want to put "web."
And then there are a fuckton of different things you can add, which get separated by pipes. Pipes are that long vertical line that's probably above your enter key: |
You need the URL. That's... kind of all you need.
pro tip: going back in to add more details to the citation later counts as more edits!
Even though you only NEEEEED the URL, it's really good to add other details like the title of the page (if there is one), the publisher (Holocaust Encyclopedia), the day you looked at it (because websites can change over time), and it's especially nice to go dig up an archived version of the site and the date of the archive. Because links break.
oh yeah and my favorite thing to add: a quote from your source, so that people don't have to click through to verify what it says! this can be a great way to add more information that seems too long for the Wikipedia article.
So, broken up with lots of space for easier reading, it looks like this. We'll pretend we're doing one on Heinrich Himmler, because I have no idea who anon was looking at:
<ref> {{cite web | url = https://encyclopedia.ushmm.org/content/en/article/heinrich-himmler | access-date = November 19, 2024}} </ref>
That's a very short "I just found this url, today" version. Here's a more thorough citation:
<ref>{{cite web | url = https://encyclopedia.ushmm.org/content/en/article/heinrich-himmler | access-date = November 19, 2024 | publisher = Holocaust Encyclopedia | title = Heinrich Himmler | archive-url = https://web.archive.org/web/20241008214021/https://encyclopedia.ushmm.org/content/en/article/heinrich-himmler | archive-date = October 8, 2024 | quote = As Reichsführer SS, Himmler received authority directly from Hitler to carry out ideological policies that the laws of the state might not permit. This ideologically rooted “Führer authority” enabled authorization of indefinite incarceration and mass murder.}}</ref>
I bet someone out there even knows of a website where you can paste in the url you're citing, and get all that code automatically generated for you.
Oh - here's my example of getting into a silly debate about something that should be cut and dried, and changing shit to make it work!
I came across the page for GUPS, the General Union of Palestinian Students. It made the ludicrous statement that the group OFFICIALLY started in the 1950s, but had been around since the 1920s.
I was like: ok, there's no place that says this other than their cited source, a now-gone website for the San Francisco State University chapter of GUPS. There were no universities in Palestine in the 1920s. This is clearly not true.
I took that part out. Someone REVERTED IT, and told me that all I'd proven was that it wasn't logical, not that the citation was wrong!
We argued back and forth a bit. I ended up finding a fuckton of Arabic-language sources with more information, and showing that none of them talked about it starting in the 1920s. This person said, "no, that source says it started in the 1950s, and evolved from this other group that started in the same Egyptian university, which had started in the 1920s! It never said that it had started in PALESTINE in the '20s!"
I haven't even dealt with that one yet lmao. Normally, I would probably just demand a source that showed the original group had started in the 1920s, and then maybe change it to like "it evolved from this other non-palestinian student group that started in 192X."
But the thing is... while I was doing all this digging, I found soooo much information about how GUPS was connected to the PLO. How it had become a part of the PLO when the PLO was an active terrorist organization. All kinds of crap.
And you can fucking bet that all of it is going into the article.
This thing is going to end up being a detailed piece about every terrible thing GUPS and the PLO have ever done.
It's going to be beautiful. And nobody will ever be able to argue that any of it is incorrect. It will go from "this is a normal club that goes sooo far back, it's considered the first Palestinian group ever" to "this is a normal terrorist club that was rooted in the movement to terrorize Jews, like in the 30s when X happened, like in the late 30s when Y happened, like this series of PLO massacres in this decade, like--"
went to wikipedia to fact check somethings about a guy from ww2 era history and it had been edited beyond belief to erase this person's connections with nazi germany. the second google result is the holocaust encyclopedia page all about his horrible crimes in the nazi regime. but on wikipeida, his description is vague and mild and barely mentions it. it's so worrying. I hate it. what happens when gen z only reads wikipedia pages and denounces any sources that are "too zionist" like a holocaust museum's encyclopedia? thank g-d for jewish historians, what would we do without them, but i'm so so scared that our history is going to be rewritten because no one will listen to us on our own history.
.
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Had a dream I read a book where the main character needed a book to unlock something (I assume her powers) and after the first half of her getting the book, the rest of the book was having other varieties characters telling her TO READ THE BOOK.
Then the books ended. Five hundred pages of a book telling the main character to read a book.
I was gobsmacked. And angry. So I went to see reviews and learned sinistered coded and sister coded book review lexicon.
So I learned more from the reviews than the book. And that was my dream.
I guess I need to finish reading a book, but idk which one.
#lucid dreaming#dream interpretation#serial reader#books and reading#reading#I really probably should finish that book#finish the book
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Scholarly peak is catching up on recent literature
#bingqiu#shen qingqiu#luo binghe#svsss#sqq#lbh#my art#which is honestly just to say that i've finished the other two print books i was reading#and am now prepared to leap feet first into svsss bk4#i succeeded in holding off for an entire two weeks. i have the conviction of a wet paper towel.#lets see bk4 was described as - what? - an ''angst and smut pile''??#i am very much looking forward to this#i was promised a story with my snake boy#because i am very much not over zhuzhi-lang's fate so this had better be A REALLY NICE HAPPY ONE FOLKS#anyway have sqq and lbh cuddling and reading as i project on them#i like to assume that as time goes on sqq is able to relax his persona a bit more around lbh#i think he should get to cuddle and bitch about shitty novels#but man sqh is really the ONLY source of any books that have an even slightly modern cadence/style i have a feeling sqq would be very keen#though if i'm being honest i really wonder if sqh could ever bring himself to write fiction again#if you're A Writer it tends to be hard to RESIST you just get an itch to tell a story#but also like... the fear that all of this could happen again... or that the characters you're creating might be REAL and SUFFERING...#yeah... i honestly suspect he can't write anymore and that it honestly probably sucks a lot... but for the sake of this joke he is :P
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i very rarely get a sense of satisfaction from completing tasks. ive heard people say this is an ADHD thing, but idk. personally i think i might just be bad at being alive
#anime life#i wish i could do something for myself but it just feels so hollow. like why fucking bother yknow?#i wrote a lot of my fic Book of Red Murder and then started to lose steam#and i thought maybe posting it would encourage me to finish it#and it did at first#but then there wasn't a lot of readership or energy around it#which like. is fine and not weird. it's not a big deal and it's not like it's something im OWED#and also i had. a bit of a mental breakdown and had to stop being active in the fandom#so now DEFINITELY no one's gonna read it lol#idk i feel bad even posting about it because i don't want anyone to feel bad or like im trying to guilt anyone about it#i just have trouble articulating what i feel and why and it helps me to try to reason it out#no one did anything wrong but i think it's still understandable for me to say that i was discouraged#when it felt like people didn't really like my writing. or. to be honest. me as a person#i guess the lesson here (if there is one at all) is that if you like a fic you should probably tell the person writing it
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i started a supercorp portrait of a lady on fire au like three years ago. i'm never going to finish it, but the writing style is pretty cool, so i want to share it. so um enjoy the prologue and a bit of chapter one?
---
Prologue. Bonnelles, France. 1786.
“First, my contours,” Kara said, her voice soft and level. She looked out upon the dozen or so young women, their eyes darting back and forth from their papers to Kara herself. “The outline,” she continued. The increasingly swift sound of scratching charcoal prompted Kara to further instruct, “Not too fast. Take time to look at me.” She paused. “See how my arms are placed.”
At that moment, Kara saw the painting.
She swallowed and took in a breath; she schooled her expression before letting out the air with a pathetically soft “My hands.” Her students’ gaze followed her verbal direction, now observing as Kara’s fingers curled with remembrance. Their own hands now began to sketch the slope of hers—the slope that had once coaxed breathy moans from a lover, the slope that had once created that very painting in all of its hollow longing.
Kara felt her heart rate accelerating, and her attempts at calming deep breaths only made her shoulders shake unsteadily. “Who brought that painting out?” Her eyes darted around, landing on each possible offender, as she tensed her core and adopted a stern countenance.
Every student dutifully turned to look at the work.
It was an especially young girl who finally lifted her hand. “I brought it. From the stock room. Should I have not?”
Kara’s “no” felt like a brick, its weight threatening to pry tears from her reddening eyes. So Kara took another swallow, a handful of blinks, a few more steadying breaths.
“Did you paint it?” the girl asked innocently. Nia, her name was? She stared at Kara, oblivious to the flood of sound overwhelming Kara’s mind and echoing in the cavern of her heart.
“Yes,” Kara uttered softly, the word barely audible as they fell from her lips. “A long time ago.”
Nia’s head snapped back to examine the painting once more. It stood on an old but sturdy easel, tattooed and scarred but still standing. The artwork itself was brooding, with a white sun bleeding into a dark vignette. Heavy clumps of clouds occupied the sky and caged some of the sun’s rays, so the fire burning behind the woman was bright enough in comparison to create a dragging shadow of her figure. The flames crawled up the back of her windswept dress, bringing sharp tension to an otherwise lulling, melancholy landscape.
“What’s the title?”
The sound of the sea began to swell in Kara’s head. Her lips trembled. Her body unwittingly swayed slightly. “Portrait of a Lady on Fire.”
---
Chapter I. The island of Brittany, France, and the surrounding sea. 1779.
Kara squinted into the distance, her face scrunching up a bit as she desperately tried to shield her eyes from the harsh glare of the sun on the water. For all its gorgeous teals and sparkling peaks, it certainly did make her wish for one of those brimmed hats the rowers were all wearing. With every one of their paced paddles, the cork-like little canoe bobbed haphazardly. Kara rather felt as if she were in the wine glass of a thoroughly drunken Marie Antoinette.
At least she wasn’t prone to seasickness.
She still felt quite unsteady, though, being thrown about and forced to pathetically grab onto the boat’s low walls. She leaned forward, trying to regain her balance and ground herself despite the absence of ground.
The wooden pallet holding her canvas was, apparently, as unstable as she was, and the next thing Kara knew, it had been lurched off of the boat like vomit from a drunkard. Kara watched helplessly as it thrashed among the choppy waves, the sea carrying it a few feet from the boat.
The chief rower met her desperate look with exhausted resignation; he ceased his paddling as Kara shed her overcoat and placed a precarious foot on the edge of the canoe.
With a strained creak from the boat’s wood, she jumped into the water, dress billowing behind her. Her first gasp for air upon emerging from the water was audible; she could feel the effort in her throat. Her arms moved in laborious little arcs as she slowly made her way towards the floating pallet and finally made a desperate reach for it. Kara’s fingers grasped onto a wooden board, and she pulled herself up onto it with a grunt.
---
The incessant wind upon the sea was certainly not helping Kara. Dripping wet, she wrapped herself up in her overcoat in a pitiful plea for warmth. She held the edges of the garment up to her lips, the sensation of the dry fabric bringing her some comfort as she closed her eyes and left herself to the mercy of the mighty sea.
But the interminable rocking of the feeble boat wouldn’t allow her any rest.
Kara wasn’t very religious, not anymore. Yet, the sight of the cliffs and coast of Brittany moved her to relieved prayer.
---
The sun had already begun to set as Kara trekked up the sandy coast. Her legs ached with every stumbling, unsure step—maybe she was a bit seasick after all—and her hands were tired of having to grip her full skirt to keep it out of her way.
She paused on the rocks, taking a moment to manually wring some of the water out of her skirt. She filled her lungs with an arduous breath before slinging the rope holding the pallet over her shoulder. Next came the fabric sling, which housed her trunk of personal items—she positioned it on her back with careful poise.
The journey up the cliffs and towards the trees was exhausting. Kara’s skirt required repositioning every few seconds, the rope was digging into her shoulder, and the pallet and trunk slammed into her back with each wobbling step. By the time she reached the straight path up to the residence, her breaths were heavy and pained, and the sun was nearly fully hidden beneath the horizon.
A soft light emanated from the windows above the mansion’s door, helping Kara feel a bit more secure as she knocked. A short blonde woman answered her summon and introduced herself with a flat “I’m Eve.” She opened the door a bit wider and gestured with her body for Kara to come in.
Eve held a small candle as she guided Kara up the stairs, the sounds of their shoes echoing through the grand yet starkly undecorated hallway. The walls of the stairwell were cement bricks, and the wrought iron bannister was rather plain and geometric.
They came to a stop in front of a similarly void room, bare save a few heavy curtains and a daybed. The raised panels along these walls matched the white-painted wood of the window frames, and they gave the chamber some elegant character.
While Eve entered the comparatively less intimidating room, Kara stayed back a moment, taking in the shafts of muted blue light from the windows and the contrasting warm glow of leaping flames from the central fireplace.
Eve crouched down to poke at the fire as Kara set down her belongings. “It was a reception room,” Eve explained. “Though I’ve never seen it used.”
The fire crackled pleasantly. “Have you been here long?” Kara inquired.
“Three years,” Eve answered, directing her attention back to the fire.
Kara peeled off her overcoat and draped it along the wainscoting. “Do you like it here?”
“Yes,” Eve said simply as she stood up. She turned to Kara, meeting her eyes now as her hands smoothed over her skirt. “I’ll let you get dry.” And with a nod, she was on her way.
Kara watched her every step.
Once the door closed, she hastily began removing her overskirt. It fell to the dark herringbone floor with an unglamorous thud.
---
There was no method or grace to the way Kara wrapped her hand around the rusting crowbar, but with a few jerks, she’d managed to successfully pry the top off of the pallet.
After setting down the wood cover, Kara extended her hand, letting it fall clumsily onto the slick canvas in front of her. It was still wet, and her hand’s small circular movement caused moisture to pool at her fingertips, as if her touch had beckoned the water. So her hand withdrew, and Kara slid the canvas out from its container. Her eyes danced over the surface as she considered how to dry it, holding it in front of herself like the Communion host of an evening Mass.
---
Kara decided to accompany her drying canvas, which was now positioned next to the fireplace. Stripped naked, she sat in front of the fire and pulled her legs towards herself—she was vulnerable, sitting there bare and in a new environment, and the action made her feel a bit more small, compact, and safe.
Kara set down her candle so she could light her tobacco pipe with the flames. Her large, smoky exhales grounded her, in a way, with the familiar sight and smell acting as a sort of sedative. And she stared forward, expression blank but unmistakably worn.
---
Kara walked barefoot along the cement floor, making her way through the hall and to the pantry room wrapped in nothing but her robe-like smock.
#again i have no intention of finishing so be forewarned etc#supergirl#supercorp poalof au#i have been feeling a bit weird going through my old work bc. i don't think i've really improved in the three years since starting this???#and i quite literally haven't written anything in 2023 other than like the 1000ish words to finish up this final chapter of tree of my song#&those thousand words genuinely feel worse than my old writing#because i'm out of practice i think#it's weird bc writing is something i think of as super important to me - like in less than a month i'll literally be at community college a#ain despite how bad my experience was last time with it bc i theoretically want to take classes that will make me a better writer#so like blah blah blah do i want to dedicate more of myself and my energy towards writing long term or do i just like the idea of being a#writer.#blah blah blah if i had to do a rose colored glasses on this all it would be. since january i have read 60something books and before this y#ar i hadnt been an avid reader in ages. and most of those books have been in the genre/niche i want to end up writing in#so i was learning writing by reading in that sense#hmm etc etc#i should probably stop taking myself and all of this so seriously lol idk#i'm theoretically back into writing and trying to prioritize it more again so (thumbs up emoji)
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Books of 2024: August Wrap-Up.
Hey, would you look at that, it's suddenly September! Rude and uncalled for. This month, I did a lot of knitting (two sets of gloves and two hats! gearing up for holiday season), and a LOT of writing (finished the first 16k draft of a scene, who???), and read uh. Some. I didn't finish a ton of books, but I did make it through what felt like a ton of pages.
Two-thirds of this month's reading were post-apocalyptic-community-oriented, on purpose, to feed into my current writing project, and that worked really well--either I'm very good at choosing books that match the vibe I need, or my ADHD brain is good at making connections, OR a little bit of column A, a little bit of column B. Photos and/or reviews linked below:
GHOST STATION (pages-out stand-in book pictured above, because I checked it out from the library after canceling my paperback pre-order, which was a good call) - ★★ This was very bad. Bad science, stupid incompetent characters, JUST enough neat worldbuilding to make it FRUSTRATING that this missed so hard. I'm bummed because I wanted to read DEAD SILENCE by this author, too, but I don't trust her now :(
ALWAYS COMING HOME - ★★★★½ Loved this!! Dense and chewy, and it required a lot of patience, but it was very rewarding and I'm really glad I read it. My absolute favorite passage was about scrub oaks, but I posted a few other highlights and tagged them as "le guin posting," if you're interested! If you like Le Guin and/or utopias and better futures and/or huge books that push what it means to Be A Novel, check this out for sure.
ARCHANGELS OF FUNK - ★★★½ So. I didn't realize that this was attached to a few other novels she's already written. And I read it cold (oops). Goodreads informed me that it was Book #2 of Cinnamon Jones, and review-diving indicated that REDWOOD AND WILDFIRE is also implicated in its worldbuilding, but that didn't stop me because I can't read. I would like to revisit this one after I've read those other two, I think, but!: The community and vibes and Making Art At The End Of The World were all immaculate, and the character names made me feel vindicated in some of my own naming conventions (seriously: there's an Indigo in this, and a Game-Boy, and Hawk, I can't make this shit up).
Under the Cut: A Note About ~*★Stars★*~
Historically, I have been Very Bad™ about assigning things Star Ratings, because it's so Vibes Heavy for me and therefore Contingent Upon my Whims. I am refining this as I figure out my wrap up posts (epiphany of this month: I don't like that stars are Odd, because that makes three the midpoint and things are rarely so truly mid for me)(I have hacked my way around this with a ½). Here is, generally, how I conceptualize stars:
★ - This was Bad. I would actively recommend that you do NOT read this one, no redeeming qualities whatsoever, not worth the slog. Save Yourself, It's Too Late For Me. Book goes in the garbage (donate bin).
★★ - This was Not Good. I would not recommend it, but it wasn't a total waste or wash--something in here held my interest/kept my attention/sparked some joy. I will not be rereading this ever. Save Yourself (Or Join Me In Suffering, That Seems Like A Cool Bonding Activity).
★★★ - This was Good/Fine/Okay/Meh. I don't care about this enough to recommend it one way or another. Perfectly serviceable book, held my interest, I probably enjoyed myself (or at least didn't actively loathe the reading). I don't have especially strong feelings. You probably don't need to save yourself from this one--if it sounds like your jam, give it a shot! Just didn't resonate with me particularly powerfully. I probably won't reread this unless I'm after something in particular.
★★★½ - I liked this! I'll probably recommend it if I know it matches someone's vibes or specific requests, but I didn't commit to a star rating on Goodreads. More likely to reread, but not guaranteed.
★★★★ - I really enjoyed this!! I would recommend it (sometimes with caveats about content warnings or such--I tend to like weird fucked up funny shit, and I don't have many hard readerly NO's). Not a perfect book for me by any means, but Very Good. This is something I would reread! Join me!!
★★★★★ - I LOVED THE SHIT OUT OF THIS, IT REWIRED MY BRAIN, WILL RECOMMEND TO ANYONE AND EVERYONE AT THE SLIGHTEST PROVOCATION (content warning caveats still apply--see 4-star disclaimer). Excellent book, I'll reread it regularly, I'll buy copies for all my friends, I'll try to convince all of Booklr to read it, PLEASE join me!!
#books of 2024#books of 2024: august wrap-up#ghost station#sa barnes#always coming home#ursula k. le guin#archangels of funk#andrea hairston#le guin is 4.5 stars from me because i will not recommend it to anyone and everyone lol#i mean i think if anyone's interested they absofuckenlutely should#but you have to be willing to approach the book on your own terms i think#hence it's not quite 5 from me#and i'd like to reread it but it won't be a regular reread#i really enjoyed reading the acknowledgements in hairston's book btw#i love seeing where books and stories come from#i'm not sure how much of this one didn't resonate with me as well as it could because i was missing TWO BOOKS OF CONTEXT LMFAO#but i had a good time anyway so i think it's probably pretty good :)#i did spend a bunch of the beginning wondering what i missed and if this was a Me Problem or a Story Decision#(but i vaguely remembered MASTER OF POISONS being the same sort of “dump you in the deep end good luck kid” situation)#so i let it ride#i'm curious about how much cinnamon history is included in SMALL CHANGE (i suspect klaus and marie yes but tatyana no??)#it also tracks why those two books were rereleased in hardback by tor when they were lmaooo#anyway. liked le guin. liked hairston. gonna read some manga next and then vandermeer.#i have to finish my revisions on this scene and swing into nano prep mode SOON i'm giving myself a week to knock it out
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So earlier today I introduced some of my WIPs to some new people, and I realised that many people might not be familiar with those two WIPs.
Kriya Petri: fantasy (with body horror & dystopian elements). Setting: A country called Fillor on a planet called Thuluke. In Fillor, to bind yourself to the one you love, you require a trinamate potion to seal the bond. 'Trinamate' is marriage (though that is a rather crude translation of the word). But to get a trinamate potion legally, the couple needs to be… acceptable. A man and a woman who plan to have at least one child. Yes, it's been 1000 years since the global apocalypse, but 'sufficient reproduction' is still a concern among the Filore people (plus it's a moral virtue for the Divine Monarchy, who reside on the cloudlands, with an iron grip on the institutes of Fillor). A potioneer wants to elope with their lover, but the pair is, let's just say, not acceptable. So what are they to do? The potioneer brews a trinamate potion on their own, finding the closely guarded methods & ingredients for the potion through who-knows-who, bunch of shady people. The potion explodes. The potioneer knows the punishment for something like this. They'll be condemned to Kaewoe (so will their lover, if anyone finds out), a realm so deep below the ground that it's close to the core of the planet. Kaewoe, where the mind & body are destroyed by the horribly high concentration of magic. Kaewoe, the names & lives & loves of all who enter it, all slowly turned to unknowledge. Good thing stealing identities is absurdly easy in Fillor! The potioneer wipes all memory of their crimes & love (or else the Thought magicians would know), flees to the city of Naebo. Their name is now Kriya Petri,
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Welcome To The Real World: scifi, fantasy, surrealism, horror, tragedy
This one's in very early stages Inspired by Frankenstein Setting: The Great South Asian Rip in Reality, where physics (time & space both) is just completely twisted. The year is sometime in the 2070s. Sometimes it's the 2040s outside the Rip. Depends when/where you step out. Moh-maya, reality's very fabric & everything that keeps up the illusions that comprise reality, are very malleable in here. Main character: Kabir aka Moksh. A closeted Indian trans man who lives a double life, perhaps even a triple life. One in which he's a cis woman & a regular bright STEM student (STEM studies also include study of moh-maya). Another in which he's just some guy with good friends (the most authentic of his lives), where he goes by the name Kabir & uses moh-maya to present as his true self. If only temporarily. (it's painful, mentally & physically, whenever he has to revert to the female form). The third is some mad scientist bullshit, he's going by the name of Moksh among his fellow mad scientists & his main project is a moh-maya Frankenstein's monster that others can share their consciousness with, such that they can experience shape-shifting more easily & go where they physically aren't, do things they physically can't. Let's simply call it the 'entity'. Due to many reasons, creating this entity is pretty illegal. Hence the new name & collaboration with fellow shady people. the plot, put shortly: he starts doing vigilante justice w/the entity & then goes far & gets more & more consumed w/work & things go verrrrrrryyyyyy wrong despite starting with (dubious but) good intentions.
in this second one i neglected to mention the fact that you, as the reader, get front row tickets to the main character's spiral into madness & justifying murders thru the entity + the entity is a whole person & has opinions + a whole lot of other stuff, I DID mention that this WIP is in very early stages but holy fuck i could go on & on about it (just not in a way that can be packaged in a structured & sensible introduction)
#i have re-written the introduction to kriya petri so many times because it's hard to know WHAT parts i should talk about first#and this introduction still isn't concise. currently i'm not really in the phase where nailing the introduction is super important but#it's still at least a LITTLE BIT important. but i never seem to get it right. i think this one IS an improvement over my other#introductions to this wip because it gets the MAIN FOCUSES across (and even without talking about the other major characters it at least#touches upon the issues kriya has which will be common with the other characters. so it works).#still not entirely satisfied BUT this is my 'baby' wip cuz i started it when i was 14 and it's grown so much in the past 4 years#and honestly i should probably just read a bunch of scifi (finish octavia butler's series lilith's brood maybe since i finished the last#book recently) because before i wrote this intro. THAT was what made some of the worldbuilding aspects 'click'.#i really need to make the amphibious nature of the thuluken humans play more of a part in their culture as well!#i just realised that so many aspects of this world have been DISCONNECTED! they need to be woven together!#it's midnight and i'm sleepy. why am i sleepy i could be working on this (or on my college assignments [it's okay i've got a lot of time#for them & am making progress on them at a steady rate])
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#giving a mini life update#I’m gonna start this off by first apologising for being really inconsistent 💀#I’ve just been very#I don’t really know how to explain it but I’ve just not really been myself#I guess down in the dumps#or winter blues#recently just doing daily life stuff is really hard#and I keep on thinking I’m not doing anything productive at the mo#or not doing stuff that I think ‘normal’ 18 year olds should be doing#so I’ve been beating myself up about it#and the motivation to do anything is gone#like I have no motivation to read or write or to crochet#or just do things I actually enjoy#but hopefully I can get back into the swing of things#since I’ve got some stuff I want to post like more book post before the year is finished#and also finish this book I’ve been reading for like that past month or two#but it will probably spill over into next year 💀#gatherrambles#g/personal
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have you thought of watching the tv adaptation of iwtv?
I keep seeing posts about it on my "for you" page, and for some reason it just doesn't look like something I'd actually get into, but maybe I should give it a shot sometime before judging too much. What do you think, have you seen it?
#here are my reasons: i dont really like the aesthetic of it#and my other reason is im picky about the rules the vampires follow about what they can and cant do#and ive seen a few things were changed in the show from the posts here#plus im lazy about watching and finishing shows in the first place even when i like them#way more of a reader and a movie watcher than a show watcher#but if theres something about it that i am missing let me know#edit: i watched a couple random clips and the acting doesnt look too bad or anything#and the aesthetic wasnt that bad either actually#im still picky about the rules though like if i disagree with the changes they make#being necessary or better than the books that would probably impact my enjoyment#i know the books have their issues half the time as well but generally i enjoyed the vampire rules in them a lot#like who can mindread each other and the physical limitations they have etc#anyways i should try it sometime and see#ask#anon#p#vmpcs
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I had to go back to audiobooks...they're just so much faster. I'm already 2 hours into this 17-hour novel (it's spinning silver). I will read physical books too but I'm just no longer able to sit or lay down for long periods of time to get reading done, I have to move around
#I've had mixed results with narrators as a whole but I really like this one#I never would have finished dance with dragons as a print book. or even tehanu#it's probably how I should try to read tyrant baru next month#I listen to things all day every day. I have so much time#cor.txt
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🎭 Can you envision your OC in an alternate universe? What au would you choose and what role would they be in that world?
For Luca!
I love this question, because whenever you're writing a deeply traumatized character you start to wonder who they'd be if they hadn't gone through all this awful formative shit.
I've sketched a conversation that takes place much, much later in the series between people who knew Luca before he was taken by the Commissioner and those who only met him after. This was a useful exercise for me because I was able to identify three attributes of Luca as a child that were lost, submerged, or perverted due to his conditioning: chattiness, bossiness, and a desire to please. Luca was one of those endlessly curious kids who never shuts up, the kind who's always asking "why?" and only conks out once they've run out of steam. He could also be a bossy little shit, always making "helpful" suggestions about how a process or activity might be improved. And he was motivated by a deep, driving need to make other people happy. Especially adults, and especially those in positions of power.
The Luca we meet in TGB is about as far from chatty as it is possible for someone to be, but I've enjoyed giving him opportunities to revive his curiosity. His relationships with Asher and particularly Doran have revived some of his bossiness, too. And while he still wants so much to please, he has become more critical about the worthiness of those who have power over him.
The alternative universe I imagine for Luca is one in which he was never taken by the Commissioner. While I expect he still would have suffered at the hands of the occupiers, he would've had his brothers for protection. He would not have undergone the additional trauma of losing his language and cultural identity, or been forcibly transplanted into a culture where he was treated as a hated enemy. And he wouldn't have suffered years of brainwashing that sought to strip him of his personhood.
I've always seen Luca as a Bard, and in this AU his Bard characteristics would be much stronger and clearer, and uncomplicated by the silencing and disempowerment he endured in his TGB backstory. He would be much closer to the chatty, bossy kid he was in Kel. He wouldn't have to find his voice, because it would never have been taken away from him. As a result, he would've become the leader he's meant to be much sooner, and with a lot less mental anguish.
I do think that Luca in any universe would need to overcome his people-pleasing. This is just an innate part of him, and learning to value his own happiness would probably still be a crucial aspect of his growth and development.
Having written this, and looking back on the prompt, I'm now wondering whether I could take Luca even further afield from the TGBverse and drop him in, say, a coffeeshop AU. I can see him as a sweet but anxiety-prone barista whose therapist recommended he get a job where he had to interact with people in order to coax him out of his shell. I imagine him as a burnt-out former dance prodigy now taking classes at the local college and trying to figure out what he wants to do with the rest of his life.
Enter a tall, red-headed customer with a crush...
#the golden bird#asked and answered#this was actually really fun to write#is there a TGB coffeeshop AU in my future??#I should probably finish the four books and novella-length epilogue I have outlined first...
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my experience with percy jackson is kinda funny in hindsight because reading the first book for the first time i was like 'no way...thalia mentioned!!!!'
#the fool speaks#for clarity - i read the third??? book in elementary school before the others because i needed to get a higher reading level book from#another class and was very shy so they just asked if i wanted percy jackson and handed me the third??? book. it was. as you may have guesse#a tad confusing#and my memory of it is not great thalia was the only character i could really remember. i guess apart from The Percy Jackson.#so anytime they'd talk about the tree and thalia i was like I Know That Tree. I Know That Name#i always wanted to actually read the series from the beginning but never got around to it because a girl in church talked about#how she couldnt even read it anymore because of the gay character#now i am gay and finally reading again! its fun! i love being a nerd again!#(yes i cannot wait to meet nico for real LMAO)#Anyways i finished the first book! love how percy's adhd was portrayed! im going to pick up the second one from my library soonish#if it's in. but i have two books ahead of it an im torn on which book i should read#my heart wants to continue percy jackson but i probably should be getting started on one of these two...#one of them is probably mid at best though T_T#also i do want to watch the movies now that i have read the book so i can understand just why it was disliked. i cannot remember the#movie that well either. the first half of the book seemed pretty similar to what i remembered. the ending was definitely different#i assume thats the majority of the issue? but as i said. cannot remember it that well.
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i think next semester is finally going to be the one that gives me a heart attack and kills me 💞
#vent#let's see#i am:#-doing my normal job stuff at the theater plus some additional grant work#-helping with a children's book that the theater is making which includes not only writing some of it but marketing it#-doing my first big boy serious puppet show that we might submit to the national slam if it's actually good#-writing and acting for a live sci-fi audio drama that has shows every month#-taking on a second job as a part time grader for fms 100 which includes attending one class per week and grading assignments for 100+ ppl#-taking 15 credit hours that are all upper division semester long classes and have me on campus from 9am-4:15pm tues and thurs#-finishing two (2) portfolios to apply for both concentrations in my major program (because i'm insane. i guess)#-probably should start worrying about my lgbtq certificate capstone oh yeah btw i think i have to do two capstones my senior year isnt that#something#-also im moving out of my parents' house next month so it'll be my first time living on my own#(so my winter break isn't even a break really bc i have to pack everything and move)#can someone just like. idk#give me a really long hug or something#i don't know what to do like. genuinely#barely even surviving school right now bc it's finals
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hopefully it's just tonight but i haven't written at all in the last couple of days and i tried again tonight and it didn't work AGAIN i just can't get myself to write idk sometimes i really feel like the sequel to silence agenda is literally never ever going to actually get written and there's no point in even trying
#like i go thru phases where i'm all excited about it and they never last and i NEVER fucking finish anything with it#like literally ever#i have started to write this novel literally like 4 or 5 times now at this point?#and i can't get it done ever#since 2020 i've been working on it for almost three years#i've been making steady progress on tmtou i literally rewrite silence agenda like every fucking year#and yet i fucking can't get this story written#and idk how much of the problem is me how much of the problem is US and how much of the problem is my motivation levels and stuff#idk idk i think i'm just In It tonight and i'll probably feel differently later#it goes in these cycles#but idk man for awhile i was REALLY CONVINCED that this was gonna be the Time that i actually got this book written#i have the story! i have it! i just need to make it! and idk how!!!#i try and then a week later i can't#and my brain is hyperfixating on other things (idk why i decided to reread aftg) so i just Can't#and i do wanna get silence agenda published soon so i wanna focus on that#but i feel like i can't deliver on this sequel i feel like i can't even write it#idk i've never spent THIS LONG and gotten THIS MANY DRAFTS out of a book without being even like. close to the halfway point#i should finish it! i want to! i want to want to! but i fucking CAN'T#part of it is me part of it is the fact that it's hard to write when kat's not around and she hasn't been lately#idk i really thought i was gonna be able to do it this time. but apparently not#idk when i'll learn#that i can't write this fucking book#win rambles
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